#but anyway. augh. forget how stupid this sounds.

[outlying-hyppocrate]

jang keun-suk is attractive in a way that makes me want to bash his face in. annoyingly pretty. if that makes sense.

[stawpny]

hahaha

guys why is NO ONE posting anything

I’m so bored, and this cold ass rainy weather isn’t helping

I’m desperate.

(I’m joking, u don’t have to post, I just wanted to say thank u for all the people who reblog my posts and say things with hashtags, ily guys sm, thank u for all of the support on my headcannons. I would do other states, I swear, but I don’t know like anything about them. I know so much about NY because 1, I live here and 2, I’m hyper fixated on him to the point I sometimes forget about everyone else 😭. But anyways, I just wanted to let u know, no matter how small you may think just reblogging or just liking my posts are, they make me so unbelievably happy, especially when someone gives me headcannons or simply just adds on to what I say. I live laugh love this fandom, it’s so welcoming and it makes me so happy to see it still active because a lot of fandoms that I’ve been in died out and I join just as everyone leaves it :(. AUGH I LOVE YOU! AISJANHSNN)

you guys have made me the happiest I’ve been in a while

especially when I posted my first fic on ao3, u guys were so fucking supportive AUGHSNNWSN

I know it might sound stupid, but tis’ is true

ily guys sm <3

[peckforlovingheck]

Another snippet of fankid content bc I’m hyperfixated on it again

Wren bellyflops onto the couch. Jamie collapsed on it after. Owen lays on top of the couch. Lastly, Sylvie sits down on the couch gently.

“Augh. Today was ass.” Wren says. “Agreed.” Owen and Jamie say in unison. Sylvie just nods.

“But why?” Owen asks.

“Had to dogsit. This one mastiff jumped on me today and knocked me into the creek. Almost broke my leg. That and I also got a C in English because of a missing essay. I left it upstairs in my house so… yeah..” Wren explained, examining their right leg. “What about you?”

“Y’know how I have the new neighbors, right? The Raymond twins?” He asked.

“Oh how could we forget. You talk about them constantly.” Jamie smirked.

“Shut up.” His face flushed. “Anyway. I passed them and tried to say hi, then I tripped on my goddamn shoelace and rolled down the stairs.”

Sylvie winces. Jamie says, “Damn. Rule 5 of being attractive. Make sure your shoes are tied.”

“..and what do you know about that?” Owen laughs. “You’ve like the same person for god knows how long and you STILL don’t have the balls to ask her out.”

Jamie shrugs. Wren is holding in a laugh. Sylvie is confused.

“All I can offer up today is how tired I am.” He says.

“I was left behind by you guys when we were walking here!” Sylvie groaned.

“Sorry…” Wren and Owen say. Jamie sits up. “I’m not.” He laughs. “It’s because we were walking to your house, stupid.” Wren countered. “Yeah.” Owen agreed.

“Well, you guys still left Sylvie behind. I’d never.” Jamie rolled his eyes. Sylvie glared at him, as if to disagree. “Yeah because your a lover boy”Wren started but Jamie slapped his hand over their mouth. Not that it stopped anything. What was said was said. Realization falls over Sylvie’s face.

A silence fell among the group.

“Are you serious..?” Sylvie asked, breaking the quiet pause. She sounded cautious at first, then repeated what she said with a harsher tone.

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?” She was practically yelling. When it came to Sylvie, she never actually raised her volume above the average speaking level, but the tone and expression were amplified.

“…Why are you upset?-“ Jamie consulted, looking confused.

“You decide to be our closest friend for years, drift off in middle school, and completely abandon us in high school. Then you start hanging out with us again and say you like me..? Just like that? Acting like nothing happened?!”

“This isn’t anything new! I’ve liked you since we met!-“

“WHY?- YOU LEFT US. YOU LEFT ME. SO WHAT IF YOU LIKED ME. I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU.” She was literally yelling this time.

“Oh yeah totally and then you all fucking replaced me-“

“…” She looked away from him.

“..I regret it all, okay? I’ve spent the last five months trying to rebuild my friendship with you guys. I’m an asshole. A prick. A loser. Whatever you want to call me. I’m trying to be sincere. I’m sorry.”

Sylvie looked at him, a complete pissed off expression. Then she did something he didn’t expect, hugging him and crying. Not a complete over the top sob session. Just a cry.

“…Sylv?”

“…” She let go of him. Wren grabbed Sylvie’s hand. “She and I need to talk one-on-one, alright? Owen, make sure James keeps his ass here.” They say.

————————————————————————

Fifteen minutes into their talk.

“Why is he coming back to us now?” Sylvie asked.

“Eh. Either he really missed us or he found out about the rumors of his other friends being creepy towards the freshman.”

“Wha-“

“Yeah. That’s probably a big part of it.” Wren stares at the ground. “I don’t know. You decide whether you forgive him for leaving us or not though.”

“Should I..?” Sylvie asks. Wren shrugs. “It’s up to you. If you need to give it time, sure.”

Sylvie stood up and the two walk back into the room. Owen is currently hanging off of Jamie’s arm. “He was talking my ear off…” Jamie whined.

“Tell me about it.” Wren laughed. “Anyway, the food’s here. Come on.” Owen smiled.

The four walk downstairs and eat. Not much conversation. “…Do you guys actually want me back?” Jamie asked.

“I mean.. yeah.” Wren said. “Obviously.” Owen agreed.

“…” Sylvie stared dead at him. “Not going to answer that.”

“That’s fair.” He sighed.

“But answer this for me: how the hell are we replacing you? It’s more of the other way around.” She asked, each word a hesitation.

“The scary ginger guy.”

Sylvie snorts. Owen almost choked on a chicken wing. Wren starts their loud and brass laughter.

“OCTOBER ZHAO?!- THAT GUY?-“ Wren continued. “REALLY?-“

“Wren became his friend. By association, we started hanging out with him too. He doesn’t like you much only because we’d vent to him about you. Our bad.” Owen dipped his head apologetically.

“..He’s really nice when you get to know him.” Sylvie said. “He thought you’d eventually come around, so there’s that.”

“—oh.” Jamie nods. “I see.”

“…Glad we for that resolved, I guess. Can we watch a movie or something now?” Owen asked.

————————————————————————

The four on the couch, exhausted but enjoying the time. The movie is one that’s not trash but not memorable. The front door clicks open.

“…Oh hey Appa. Hope you don’t mind that Wren, Owen, and Sylvia came over.” Jamie says, looking over at his dad standing in the doorway.

“I don’t mind. They’re nice kids.” His dad smiled. “It’s late.. don’t stay up past 12. Get some sleep, son. Make sure your friends get home safely though. I know full well that if anything happened to those three, it’s my ass on the line.” He waved and walked upstairs.

Jamie laughed. “He has a point. Adanna would absolutely sue.” Wren said. “Yeah, my mom would totally raise a lawsuit.” Owen sighed.

Light hum of Sylvie’s snore could be heard. Soft breaths as she leaned against Jamie. Owen decided to spare Jamie but Wren would not give the mercy.

“Awwww. I knew she’d fall back into your arms eventually~”

“Shut.” He said. Sylvie opens an eye. Jamie felt fear as Sylvie stared at him with a sleepy expression. She wrapped her arms around him.

“or I guess you’re in her arms??-“ Wren said.

“..shut up. I need this.” Sylvie said, then went quiet.

“Does this mean we’re okay now?” Jamie asked.

“I’ll think about it. Doesn’t mean I am over you though.” Sylvie said, then falling asleep.

Owen turned to face them. “Am I the only one actually watching this?-“

[orangemoonxworks]

LIFTED EPISODE 001: NOTEBOOK NOSTALGIA — 2 WRITTEN BY: K. Reynolds -------------------------------------------------

“What happened to you?” Celeste questioned, standing in the doorway with her arms folded, somewhat curious. Christine was lying flat on her stomach with her face buried deeply into her pillow. Two hours had gone by since the incident at the store, and she’d been sulking ever since.

“Nothing. Just another sad day in my lonely life.” Christine answered, her voice muffled.

“Pick your head up from the pillow. I didn’t hear a thing you just said.”

She lifted her head then turned over. “Never mind. It’s not important.”

“All right. Well, the food is done. Go eat when you’re ready.” Celeste walked off, leaving the door slightly open. “Don’t take too long and don’t forget to put up the food when you’re done.”

Christine’s head smacked her back onto the pillow. Glaring at the light breaking through the small crack in the doorway, she groaned then mumbled to herself. “You could’ve at least closed the door.”

After shutting the door, she plopped back onto the cushioned surface of her bed, then grabbed her pillow and plunged her face back into it. After about minute or so, she raised her head then looked to the window. It was still daylight though the sky had transitioned from its earlier ocean blue color to an orange-purple-ish hue.

“Who laughs that hard over something that stupid?” She paused for a moment then sighed. “Whatever. It’s not like it matters. I’ll probably never him again anyways.”

Her hold on the pillow tightened as she pulled it closer, bunching up its sides, and burying the lower part of her face in it. She stared out at the warm sunset for a few minutes then closed her eyes.

“I wish I wasn’t so awkward.”

Not before long, she drifted off to sleep.

A little over an hour had passed. The sky was more purple and pinker with shades of orange and the sunset had dipped below the horizon. It was quiet by New York City standards; only the faint sound of the city’s bustling ambience, the low rumblings of the trains passing through the train station down the street, and the late afternoon breeze rustling the branches outside the window. Unfortunately, her nap was interrupted by the doorbell. She jolted awake, raising her head like startled prey in the wild, then touched her forehead and groaned.

“Christine! Go see who’s at the door!” her mother shouted, her voice ringing out from her room down the hallway.

Christine moaned, reluctantly pushing herself upright, then yawned while stretching her arms. She hopped off the bed then left the room, crossing through the path separating the kitchen and living room, then arrived at the front door. Standing on the other side was a boy – tall and familiar boy who looked down at her as she rubbed her eyes. She raised her head so she could see the boy’s face…then froze.

“Yo. Is Celeste –” the boy started to ask, but he was abruptly cut off by the door slamming in his face.

Christine quickly turned her back against the door. She slowly sunk down to the floor with her hands over mouth and her eyes wider than a baseball. It was Lox – the boy from the corner store.

(Holy crap, it’s him! W-why?! How?!!)

“What the hell was that?!” Celeste shouted.

“Uh…nothing! I just –” Christine frantically looked around, her eyes stopping at the opened cabinet where the pots were stacked. “One of the pots fell out of the cabinet!”

The doorbell rang again. She pushed her fingers down onto her earlobes then gritted her teeth while timidly glaring at the ground. “Augh! Why won’t you leave?!” she quietly mumbled.

On the third bell rang, Celeste came into living room. She was in the middle of putting on one of her earrings, so her head was slightly titled to one side while she fiddled with it. She was almost fully dressed save for her missing heels and untied hair.

“I thought I told you to answer the door.” She clipped the earring on then, as she began tying her hair into a bun, looked down at Christine. “And why are you sitting on the damn floor?”

“Um, well, there’s a –” she pointed her thumb back at the door. “There’s a boy out there.”

“A boy?” she questioned, a little confused, then remembered. “Oh! That’s probably Maria’s son. I told him to come downstairs so I could introduce you to each other. I forgot to tell you about that earlier. Go ahead and let him in.”

Christine groaned. Her eyes narrowed and she clenched her teeth.

(That would’ve been nice info to have!)

She hesitantly stood up and turned the doorknob, her hand trembling in the process. To her disappointment, Lox was still there – his hand flat on the wall outside beside the door and eyes peaking above his shades.

“So, are you gonna slam the door in my face again or?”

“My bad, I forgot I told you to come by.” Celeste nodded her head toward Christine. “That’s my daughter – the one I told you about.”

Her eyes shifted to Christine. “You remember that friend I brought with me the last time I came to see you? The one with the real curly hair who you said could be my sister. That’s her son, Loen.”

Lox sucked his teeth. “Son, I keep telling yall to stop using my government all the time. It’s Lox”.

“Boy, I do not care about you call yourself.”

Lox turned his eyes back on Christine who quickly pulled the strings on her hoodie to close it, hiding her face. Celeste’s right brow raised. “Why are you hiding your face right now?”

“Heh. Well, about that –” she replied, her voice half muffled behind the closed hood.

I didn’t want to tell her about what happened at the store. She wouldn’t have cared but reliving that embarrassing and awkward moment was something my poor little heart couldn’t bear!

“Take the damn hood off.”

She reluctantly pulled down the hood then, refusing to make eye contact, bashfully turned her head to the side. She bit down on her bottom lip and held onto her left arm. He leaned forward slightly, taking a step towards her, then suspiciously stared at the side of her face. Startled by how close he was, her body jerked away.

“You look mad familiar. I feel like I seen you somewhere before.”

“Nope! You don’t know me, and you’ve never seen me before at all!” She hastily waved her hands in panic. “M-Maybe you’re thinking of s-someone else. Hehe”

“Wait, hold up.” A smirk appeared on his face as he remembered. “You that girl that laughed dumb loud in the store then dipped.”

Christine’s face grew pale, and her entire body froze.

In that moment, the only thought floating through my mind was “Yeah, I’m totally screwed.”

Celeste tilted her head in surprise, taken aback by this sudden revelation. “Wait, yall met already? When was this??”

“Aight, boom,” Lox started to explain. “I was at the store earlier joking with Ahmed, you know, like I usually do and whatever. And then out of nowhere somebody laughed like dumb loud, so we turned to see who it was, and it was her. After that, she dipped out like Roadrunner.”

Christine practically felt herself crumble to pieces.

(Just kill me now!!!)

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Celeste asked her daughter, then suspiciously narrowed her eyes. “Hold up, is that why you were acting like that earlier? Over something like that??”

Christine didn’t answer her mother. Instead, she lowered her head then turned around in a stiff and robotic way. Celeste and Lox watched in confusion as she dragged herself away from them like a zombie.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going back to my room to suffer in silence” Christine replied monotonously, her voice devoid of any sense of life, then haphazardly flapped her right hand. “Nice meeting you. Goodbye.”

“Christine, I know you are not serious right now.”

It was no use. She ignored her mother and retreated back to the gloomy darkness of her room, quietly shutting her door. Celeste sighed, shaking her head, then sat down at the kitchen table beside her.

“Is she aight?” Lox asked.

“Don’t worry about her. She’s just in her feelings right now. I wish yall could’ve met in a better way though. She’s never been good with people, and I don’t know what to do about it at this point. I thought that if I had introduced yall to each other, then she’d open up a little bit. But, shit, considering how things turned out and how bashful she is sometimes, it probably wouldn’t have worked either way.”

She pointed to the saran wrapped plate beside the stove. “Thank you for coming down here away. I made you a plate of macaroni.”

“Oh word?! Ay yo that’s what’s up.” He hungrily rubbed his hands together then stepped inside. “Is it a lot though?”

“Look, it’s as much as you gonna get. And don’t forget about tomorrow, all right? I’m working overnight tonight, so I won’t be able to take her in the morning.”

“Don’t worry about it. I got you. And thanks for looking out with the food though.” He grabbed the plate then grinned. “Yo, if you keep hooking me up like this, I might mess around and propose soon.”

She chuckled then pointed at the door. “Boy, get out my house.”

He let out a small laugh as he turned around. “Aight. Later, Celeste.”

Celeste got up then after putting then food away, dimmed the lights in the kitchen and headed back to her room to finish getting ready. Christine was back to lying on her bed with her head completely nuzzled into her pillow. She flipped over on her side, holding tightly onto the pillow, and stared at the cloudy night sky outside her window.

+

The streets of NYC in the morning were just as hectic as ever; blaring car horns and incessant cursing from drivers, buses and taxi cabs sitting and rushing through traffic, people sluggishly dragging themselves along or speed walking while anxiously checking the time. Christine turned from the chaos to the person walking beside her – Lox, then groaned.

(Of course, I’d be stuck with him today.)

Ever since they left their building there was only silence between them. Aside from a cordial “good morning”, neither said a word to each other. Lox pulled out his iPod and scrolled until he found a song. As he quietly vibed to the music, she snuck another peak then lowered her eyes to her feet as they trailed along sidewalk.

(I’ll just bear with it, I guess.)

After a train ride to the north side of Harlem and a short trek through a park, they arrived at their school – Madison School of Collective Studies. It was a stark contrast from what she was used to. If it wasn’t for the students idling about near the entrance, it would’ve been easy to mistake it for a medium-sized office building. Although the school’s interior was similar to a regular public school, the spacious halls, spotless marble floors, the white-dominant, light blue, and beige color scheme, and the glass atrium covered lobby and cafeteria made it more like a city college campus than public high school. Christine gazed in awe at all of this as Lox escorted her to their homeroom.

From then on, it was a typical first day. Christine introduced herself to her classmates, albeit shyly, then went through her morning classes till lunchtime where she sat by herself in a corner. After that was gym which tired her out to the point she almost passed out. Despite her exhaustion, she managed to power through the rest of her classes for the afternoon. When everyone was finally dismissed for the day, she sighed in relief.

After struggling to make it through hordes of students crowding the halls, she finally made it outside. She looked around and spotted Lox at the bottom of the stairs, sitting on the railing and texting on his phone. Two girls called out to him as they passed by. He lifted his head then replied, “What up”. As he turned away, he noticed Christine atop the stairs. He stood up then motioned his head to the left and began walking.

She sighed then frowned.

(He really doesn’t want anything to do with me, huh.)

After hopping on the train and stepping out of the station, the two headed down westward Central Park North while Lox spoke on the phone.

“Aight, aight, I’m messin’ with you. Yeah. I’mma scoop you later then we can chill. What time your practice ends? Oh, word? Say less.”

Christine groaned, her palm in her cheek.

(And he has a girlfriend. No surprises there.)

“That’s up to you though. I don’t care. Shit, we can eat anywhere. Huh? Nah, it’s just me and you. Why wouldn’t it be? What?? Yo, what is you talkin’ ‘bout?? Aight, chill. You buggin’ now.”

She rolled her eyes then quietly groaned.

(I can’t wait for this to be over.)

“Aight, yo. I’ll holla at you later.” He hung up then turned to Christine who practically snapped her neck trying to unsuccessfully avoid his gaze. Despite being caught, she looked off to the side as if nothing happened, humming quietly to herself.

“You not smooth. I see you trying to peep like you on the low.”

She froze for a second, then shielded her face with her hand.

(Score zero for subtly. Nice one!)

“If you got something to say, then say it.”

“I, uh, don’t have anything to say.” she quietly replied.

“Don’t tell me you still feelin’ some type of way about what happened at the store yesterday. It’s not that serious.”

She pouted then mumbled, “That’s easy for you to say.”

“What you said?”

She turned to him and waved her hands in a nervous panic. “N-Nothing! I-I didn’t say anything! It’s not important!”

A bit confused, he frowned. “What’s good with you? Why’re you actin’ mad scary and shit?”

She turned away again. “Scary? Um, I…I don’t think I’m being scary at all. It’s just that, well, I’m not…not used to, uh, talking to other people.” she said, sheepishly twiddling her thumbs.

“I mean, you talkin’ to me right now.”

“That’s…not what I mean.” Christine lowered head then sighed. After a short stretch of silence, she spoke. “My mom…she told you about me, didn’t she? About how I’m a friendless loser?”

“What?” he replied, jerking his head back in confusion, “She never said nothing like that about you.”

She sighed. “I get it. It’s not like I’m shocked about that. She always gets on me about going out and making friends as if that’s an easy thing for me to do. She tries to help sometimes but honestly it doesn’t do anything but remind me of how hopelessly pathetic I am. And I get enough of that every second of my life.”

“Sorry, I don’t mean to get all dark and gloomy on you, but the truth is the truth.” she said then turned to him. “I suck at being around people. I never know what to say or do, and if I do try to say something, then it’s always super weird and awkward.”

She continued. “One time I asked a guy who worked at the movies to show me where the bathroom was. Being the awkward idiot that I am, I tried to make small talk and let it slip that I may or may not have been on my period. I tried to recover but it didn’t matter because he was already walking away from me. So, that sucked.”

“That’s just one of the reasons no one’s ever liked me. I’m short, weird, awkward, a colossal weakling, and I’m into super nerdy stuff like manga, books, fanfics, and cosplaying. Oh! Cosplaying it when you dress up as characters from TV shows, cartoons and –”

She stopped herself; her all but brief enthusiasm had dissipated in a mere second and was replaced with dejection. She looked down at her feet as they moved along the sidewalk.

“You get the picture.” she continued. “This…this is my life. And I’ve accepted that – as painful as it’s been. No point in trying when you know you’re just going to fail and end up alone forever, right?”

She let out a small chuckle then cracked a smile though it was strained and somber. A bit of silence passed between them. Lox turned his head away from her then exasperatedly sighed. The words that left his mouth soon after were “That’s mad unattractive.”

Christine’s was utterly confused.

(Wha-what does he mean by that?)

“I got a homeboy who says shit like that all the time and it’s annoying. I’m not this, I’m not that, nobody likes me – all that corny ‘woe is me’ shit. You are the way you are because you let yourself be that way and because you care too much.” he said then sucked his teeth. “Niggas who quick to give up because they messed up, don’t know what they doin’, or too scared to do somethin’ don’t deserve whatever they tryin’ to get.”

He continued. “How’re you gonna make stuff happen when you standin’ in your own way? How’re you gonna get up if you always worried about all these other people that don’t even matter? It’s your life, right? So, then it’s up to you to choose however you wanna live.”

She couldn’t say anything. His words stabbed deeply into her chest. All she could do was stare at him in complete surprise.

Lox sighed, running his finger through his afro. “I can’t feel sorry for somebody like that – especially not somebody who think they worth nothin’. To me, that’s even worse than givin’ up.”

After hearing what he said, she struggled to get a word out but couldn’t. It was harsh and not what she expected from him. Still, she couldn’t let him say all of that without a response. And so, after a few more false starts and stopping in her tracks, she finally spoke.

“That’s easy for you to say.” she said, almost mumbling

Lox looked at her, his head slightly tilted, and his right brow raised. Tears swelled up in her eyes as she bit down on her bottom lip.

“You don’t know what it’s been like for me. The constant bullying, being an outcast because you’re different, and always feeling like there’s a dark cloud haunting you. Always trying and trying and trying over and over again and again when you know things will never change!”

“Feeling like an alien all the time when I’m just a girl who wants what everyone else has. Sitting by yourself in a place full of people and being reminded of what you don’t and can’t have sucks, you know. And no one cares because why would they? And the ones who pretend to care only do it because they want a punching bag. Nobody wants me and I’ll never be enough for anyone no matter how hard I try.”

She sniffed and rubbed her eyes, wiping her tears. “People feel sorry for you, but they don’t get it. They tell you to suck it up because that’s what strong and brace people do. Well, I’m not strong and I’m not brave! I have feelings just like everyone else! And it hurts! It hurts so bad that I can’t take it sometimes!”

She stopped for a moment to calm herself, then lifted her shirt collar to wipe her eyes. After taking a deep breath she continued, “That’s the reason why I gave up. I couldn’t take it anymore. I just…couldn’t take it. If this is my life, then so be it. Better to accept that than put myself though all of that again. It’s just…not worth it anymore.”

An air of silence wedged between them.

After a moment of taking in everything she’d said, Lox spoke. “If you want somethin’ to change, then you gotta change it yourself. That’s what my mom’s always told me. Evidently, you don’t wanna be where you at right now. You wouldn’t feel the way you do if you did. But you wanna know what your problem is? You don’t care about yourself. You just care about other people likin’ you.”

She turned to him with an empty look in her eyes. He continued, “People don’t like me – and? So what? Stop carin’ about what people say or think about you and just do you. If niggas not feelin’ you, then they not worth your time. It’s always gonna be somebody out there with the same energy as you. It’s not about you findin’ them or gettin’ them to like you and whatever. It’s about you and what you give off.”

It was but a brief moment but for the first time since she’d met him, Christine was staring into his eyes without the urge to turn away. It was enough to bring a little light back into her eyes.

After that brief pause, he finished, saying to her “Be you and you’ll be where you wanna be even if nobody’s fuckin’ with you.”

Her gaze lingered for a bit then she turned away, looking off into scenery of trees beyond the stone wall beside her. “I just…want to be alone”

“Then it is what it is” Lox shrugged his shoulders then started walking again. “Like I said, the choice is yours. It’s your life”.

They walked the rest of the way home in silence.

Everyone has a moment in their life that flips their perspective on everything. It’s that moment that makes you look at yourself through your own eyes. I didn’t get it back then, but that chance encounter with him was my moment.

-------------------------------------------------

[cowboytranslator]

occupation: crevice-dweller

Name: Ruan Zigang

Age: 25 years

Zodiac sign: Sagittarius 

Blood type: O

I daresay that I understand more than the average person does about surviving in narrow spaces. That’s because it’s the job I do every day. Actually, it’s not that hard to do this kind of job. As long as your brain firstly agrees to abandon all its dignity, your body will naturally be alright. You can’t have the smallest iota of “self”. You must be indifferent to your outside, your inside, your personality, when they’re being brought to rock-bottom. As long as you indifferently drift with the tide, and don’t resist anything, (you should be relaxed, enduring and enduring and enduring) you’ll eventually completely forget what you were trying to restrain yourself against. As long as you maintain this for a little while, you can eventually enter that beautiful region in which you can live freely and easily. When I first started, I thought it was very difficult, but eventually I learned how to do it. There are times when I forget that I’m a person at all, and believe that I’m actually a cute amoeba.

Greatest wish: To never gain weight, or to never get confused.

Happiest thing: Dating a pretty girl.

Saddest thing: My tooth hurting. I’m afraid of dentists.

Your favourite activity: Sharing the joys and sorrows of my life and job with others.

Your pet peeve: When my date is late.

A memory you’re proud of: When I joined the student movement, and successfully fought against the government with my classmates.

A memory that frustrates you: I’ve got nothing special to say about that.

Notes: I often forget who I am, and why I’m alive. (It’s probably an occupational disease!) I feel pessimistic about life, and have already forgotten the dreams of my youth and the wishes I had when I reached adulthood. When you live between the cracks for a long time, your body and mind will quickly become distorted.

translator's notes:

augh ough ugh ouch. this was my first formal translation so the quality is so bad but it was also the first page that truly captivated me so i have to put it on here.

no idea what this is a metaphor of. despise how my translation made him sound a little stupid-- i really lost a lot of their nuance. this was actually horrifying to read. they have this very matter-of-fact, lighthearted tone while talking about something that's very clearly unmentionable and incredibly taxing on them, and it really freaked me out, to be honest. and then 2 sentences later they're talking about their fear of dentists. this book really is crazy.

the final sentence of the "notes" section is my favourite on this entire page. it really made me shake and shiver.

oh my god i have to do actual translators notes. anyway. the word for "enduring" and "restraining yourself" is actually the same word, 忍耐, but i feel it flows better if i use a different one.

变形虫 means amoeba, which i think is a unicellular organism. the last part sounds really random, and it is, but it's such a lovely detail. unicellular. they're losing their sense of their own body. i really love this book.

also something i just realised: i don't know zigang's gender! in future translations, i usually just go by the picture or the description, but they're kind of gender-neutral and first person makes these things confusing. i used to think of them as a "he". now, i'm not so sure.

lastly: their name, 自刚, is kind of amazing. 刚 can be used as an adjective for something tough, strong, unyielding, while 自 refers to oneself. it's truly that exact combo of... lighthearted nature with an iron will beneath. i really like this dude.

[sergeantsporks]

Hiii, Your fics are amazing!! I don't know if you take requests, but if you do could you do something Abt Hunter rly getting embarrassed when he's going to talk around the owl gang bc of what they said Abt their voice during eclipse lake? And the gang feeling a little guilty about it.

Anyway! If you can't or don't want to do it it's totally fine! Keep going with your fanfictions ;)

<3 Whumptober day 2's prompt was "Talking is overrated" so this was PERFECT, have some light emotional whump.

“Ahem. Ahem.” Hunter deepened his voice. “Luz—no, that sounds stupid.”

His palisman chirped in agreement.

“Maybe…” Hunter cleared his throat. “What if I made my voice highe—no, that sounds even worse.” He sat down with a whump. “Is my voice really that annoying? Okay, what if I just… don’t talk? That’s good, right? No, wait, how am I supposed to tell them what I want?” Hunter groaned. “Maybe it’s time I learned sign language.”

His palisman warbled gently that he didn’t have to change his voice, and it was fine the way it was.

“Yeah, but the owl house people don’t think that, and if I want to learn more about wild magic, I need to make sure I don’t annoy them.”

“Annoy whoooooo?”

Hunter jumped as the owl house demon he’d read about in Lilith’s reports stuck its face right in his. “Augh! Get away from me!”

The demon grabbed him, and in a whirl of color, he was at the owl house. “Look who IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII fouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuund!”

Luz jumped up. “Hunter? What are you doing here?”

Hunter opened his mouth to respond, then clammed up tight. Titan. That stupid house demon. He wasn't ready! “Wild magic,” he spit out, “Teach me?”

She squinted at him suspiciously. “You’re not here to arrest us?”

Hunter shook his head. This was stupid, and useless, and he should go and only come back if he could brew a voice-changing potion.

Luz shrugged. “Good enough for me! Hooty, where’s the chalkboard and desk?”

The owl house demon zoomed off and returned almost instants later. “Ma’am! Teacher’s assistant Hooty reporting for duty!”

“Okay yeah thanks Hooty, bye.” Luz grabbed a piece of chalk. “There only appears to be a few glyphs that you can find in nature, covering some of the basic elements—light, ice, plants, fire.” She glanced back at Hunter. “Got it?”

He nodded.

“Right, so, these are the only naturally occurring ones, we think. But! Like things in nature, we can combine them to make something new. Ice and light to make illusions, plants and ice to make ice spikes, etc.” She gave him another look. “You okay?”

He nodded again.

“Seriously? Not a single snarky comment? No remarks on what I have wrong? Not even a question, or a similar theory from a book?”

Hunter shook his head. Yes or no questions were good. He didn’t have to talk that way.

Luz squinted at him, trying to put her hand to his forehead. “You sick? Is your throat sore? Did you hurt your jaw? Hey, Eda, c’mere, I think something’s wrong with Hunter!”

Hunter heard the sound of a mug getting clunked down, and Eda appeared in the doorway. “I’m sorry, were you planning on telling me that I had the head of the emperor’s coven in my house?”

“Uh, yeah, whoops, sorry.”

Eda frowned. “Yeah, hey, I’d think I’d know he was here, hard to forget that voice.”

Hunter flushed, tugging his hood up. Keep your mouth shut, keep your mouth shut, keep your mouth shut.

Now Eda was staring at him. “No comeback? Waitaminute, you’re not actually a shape-shifting demon, are you? Because if so, you picked a heck of a form to try and get in here with. Guess it worked, though. Luz.”

“Hey, Hooty's the one who brought him here!”

“Not a demon,” Hunter mumbled.

“Oh, yep, there it is.” Eda poked his shoulder. “So hey, what’s the matter with you? Did Amity’s cat get your tongue?”

Hunter’s palisman chirped fiercely, flapping its wings at them and shooing them away from Hunter.

“Hey, watch it, bird!”

Eda’s palisman hooted softly at her, and Eda’s face dropped. “Ah, geeze. Okay, I’m going to leave you two to it, have fun.”

“But I think he’s—”

“He’s not sick, Luz.” She pointed one finger at Hunter. “You’ve got an hour, then I want you out of my house, k?”

He nodded. He shouldn’t stay much longer, anyway.

Luz went on with her lesson while Hunter kept an eye on the time. As he got up to go at the end of the hour, Luz grabbed his arm.

“Hey, you can come back some other time. If you want. There’s a lot we don’t know, and I really think you could help us figure it out.”

He gave her a thumbs up.

“Hunter, is… is everything okay? I know Eda said you weren’t sick or hurt, but—”

Hunter nodded and pushed out the door before she could ask any more questions. How did you explain that you couldn't speak because everyone hated the sound of your voice?

Halfway back to Bonesborough, he heard a hoot, and the owl lady’s palisman came fluttering down, holding a piece of paper that it dropped on his head. The palisman flapped away, and Hunter caught the paper.

A cartoon Eda face was scribbled on it, giving him a thumbs-up. Free pass to be as annoying as you want. Valid until you try to kill us again.

Hunter felt a smile tug at him, and he tucked the pass into his pocket. His palisman warbled an ‘I told you so’ softly, perching on his shoulder

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” Hunter glanced down at the pass with a chuckle. “She might live regret this.”

[honeyandhondewberries]

can we have some more smitten Piers, please?

ohohoho did you say grumbly BOYS who are SMITTEN? You mean my (rolls sleeves) SPECIALTY? Yes 

~~

Sugarloaf (PiersxReader)

What the hell was he doing, standing at your doorstep like some pathetic, heart-eyed moron.

He’d kill Raihan after this.

“C’mon,” Raihan had said. “All you gotta do is walk up, knock on the door, ask for some sugar, and bam! Instant falling-in-love. It’s adorable, trust me, it always works in the movies.”

“You’re an idiot,” Piers had replied.

And yet, here he was, doing just that. He didn’t even need sugar. He didn’t even use sugar, hardly ever, and he was pretty sure there was a bag of it hardened in his pantry anyway.

“This is stupid,” Piers muttered to himself, though he didn’t turn around. 

His knees twitched as he fought with himself on if he should forget all this and leave. He opened his fists just to close them, raised his arm to knock just to lower it again. He could go home, drink some coffee, finish that song he was working on. That song about you, but it’s not like you knew that. Maybe seeing you could offer some inspiration, as if he needed any more. You were half of everything he thought about, even enough for Marnie to notice, and, unfortunately, enough for Raihan to notice and give his unsolicited advice.

Then, before he decided, you opened the door. Piers’ heart thumped, skipped, like he was some lovestruck preteen, at the sight of you in your pajama bottoms and bedhead. Your eyes widened, then your nose crinkled just like it always did when you smiled at him. He’d save this image in his mind forever, you so sleepy and sweet, because this moment could be a song in itself.

“Hey Piers,” you said as you leaned against your doorjam, so calm and cool and casual. “Here I was, about to get the mail, and I get a Piers instead. This is a pleasant surprise, what’s up?”

For someone who wrote beautiful words and melodies for a living, you always had the habit of making him forget all of them. So, instead of something poetic, all Piers said was:

“Sugar.”

He could have died right then, that’d be fine. He could crawl underground, jump into the ocean, throw himself off the Route 7 bridge, just so he wouldn’t have to wait for your response as the seconds ticked by. Your brows pulled together.

“Um… honey?” you said in reply.

“No,” Piers said again. Arceus he’d kill Raihan for this. “I-I… Do you have sugar?”

“Yeah, why?” you asked. “Do you need some?”

“Yeah.”

“How much?”

His heart thumped. He didn’t think about that.

“Um,” Piers said. “One.”

You opened your mouth, but Piers cut you off.

“One cup, I mean,” he finished as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m… I’m making somethin’.”

“Oh, what are you making?” you asked, still so calm and collected.

Shit.

“Um,” Piers said again. What would Raihan say in a time like this? Something stupid, probably. “Sugar...loaf.”

Well that was definitely stupid.

Luckily, you didn’t seem to notice, and instead smiled that shiny smile that crinkled the corners of your eyes.

“I’ve never heard of that,” you said, because, well, it didn’t exist. “But sure, let me go get you some.”

You turned, waltzed away so simple in your little pajama bottoms, and Piers’ cheeks tinged pink at the sight of hips and legs and bare feet. He tore his gaze away and crossed his arms again, as if the harder he pressed against his chest, the slower his heart rate would be.

Could he ask you out? When you came back? How did people even do that? Dinner? Movies? Eat some sugarloaf with him? Augh, rubbish idea. 

He didn’t think much longer, because you were back with a baggie of one cup of sugar. You handed it to him, your fingers brushed his, and the contact was like a shock of electricity. Piers yanked the bag from your hands, but you didn’t find his motion strange.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

Again, his knees locked, then unlocked, as he stood at your front door. He could feel his face burning as his eyes unintentionally trailed down your frame again.

“Let me know how it tastes,” you said simply, and you motioned to say goodbye.

“You can make it with me,” Piers blurted before he could stop himself. “If you… if you want, later.”

And there was that smile again - that was the special one you had when you were a little embarrassed, not that Piers noticed the differences in your smiles. He hadn’t written a song about that, either.

“Sure, let me get changed first,” you said. “I’ll meet you at your house, maybe in an hour?”

“Yeah,” Piers said. “Yeah sounds good.”

Then you finally waved goodbye, closed your door, and again, Piers could have died right there.

As he slumped down your front steps, he smacked his forehead, and pulled out his phone to figure out what the hell sugarloaf could even be. A text from Raihan was waiting for him.

Get any sugar today? ;)

Piers didn’t take long to reply.

I hate you.

[okaybutlikeimagine]

PREVIEW: Will You Take Me as I Am?

i’m working on a fic for @biillys for something long overdue that i almost feel embarrassed talking about bc?? it was so long ago that the fundraiser has since been cancelled! have i apologized enough yet??? i don’t think i have!!

ANYWAY the title is “Will You Take Me as I Am?” and it was supposed to be super light and fun and happy and it will be but it’s also going to be angsty bc Quarantine is doing some Shit to me over here ~♥ BUT it will have things including, but not limited to:

- Billy, Steve, Max, and El bickering over music

- big long road trip to Cali

- stupid roadside attractions

- sunny summer days in San Diego

- Billy’s friends from back in the day (bc he had them and we need to talk about that!!!!)

- Max Max Max Max and Max bc Max is so good and we need to talk about her too

- Tony fucking Hawk

it’ll hopefully be done soon! this is just a super tiny snippet bc i feel awful for not having it finished yet and i need to post something or i’ll cry. so!! @biillys, i love you so much and hope you’re well and it’s COMING but until then, have this slightly sad but also heartfelt scene with our little Disaster Siblings! ♥

(title from California - Joni Mitchell bc DUH)

~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~

Driving Max to school doesn’t set Billy on edge anymore.

“And it’s just so stupid because Cindy swears to everyone that she looks like Molly Ringwald. She doesn’t stop talking about it! Like anyone even cares.”

As irritating as it might be to hear about 9th grade gossip.

“And she still makes fun of my hair. Because it’s not the ‘right’ shade of red? What the hell?”

Billy smirks and listens vaguely and thinks about a few months ago. He remembers when the fall air bit him hard. When it felt invasive and aggressive and piercing rather than just present and embracing and knowing. The chill doesn’t hurt him anymore. The sound and smell of the farms doesn’t boil his blood anymore. The idea of Max having a life here doesn’t grind away at his memories anymore.

He’s laughing without hearing her. He vaguely hopes she doesn’t take too much offense by it, but the rest of him doesn’t really care. She’ll just hit him and grumble and he’ll give a vacant yet amused apology and they’ll continue on their car ride listening to Joan Jett.

Except she doesn’t hit him. His chuckles die down and the only sound through the car is Joan Jett wailing and Max tapping her fingers on her jeans.

It’s got Billy curious. He looks over quickly and sees her mouth moving- mumbling to herself.

“Telling yourself secrets or something?”

She glares, but it’s half-hearted. She chews on her lip and then she’s looking back down at her lap.

Billy’s just a little tempted to just let it all slide, but...

“Alright, what’s up?” He caves.

The quiet of the car makes Billy nervous. The air is whipping past them through the slightly rolled down windows, shoving itself into the absences of their conversation. Billy’s fingers start fidgeting with nerves and he’s on the verge of cutting in before she can get any words out, but then Max is speaking, hurriedly and with a furrowed brow as she says-

“How old are you again?”

Billy pauses.

“The hell kind of question is that?” He asks, looking over at her incredulously, confused at the question. She’s still trying to glare.

“Shut up! Just… you’re like… graduating soon… right?”

Billy raises an eyebrow at the road.

“No, Maxine.” Billy says with dripping sarcasm. “I love high school so much I was thinking of just staying there for the rest of my life.”

“Let me talk!”

“I am letting you talk! You’re just saying stupid shit!”

“Augh, you are so annoying!”

She’s crossing her arms now, and for some reason Billy can’t find it in himself to be amused by it. So instead he heaves a little sigh and bites his lip and waves for her to continue.

She sighs back.

“It’s just… my birthday is kinda close. And yours is like, right after that. And I was… just thinking. The other day...”

She trails off, hands fidgeting and head turned to the window. She doesn’t pick back up the conversation. Iggy Pop is howling through the radio, now.

“Thinking? Pretty dangerous thing to do when you’re-”

Max hits Billy with the hardest glare yet of the car ride. He concedes.

“Alright. What were you thinking about?”

The glare softens. Her eyes fill with worry… and nerves. Billy finds something vaguely reminiscent in them, even if it’s not exactly the same as in his memory. He knows he’s being a little shit but he hasn’t done anything to warrant fear... has he? He racks his brain while they sit in the silence she lets settle between them.

“I was just thinking about… well… remember that one birthday?” She’s had a few birthdays while they’ve shared a roof. A couple of them he’s purposefully decided to forget-most notably that first one. “When you took me to the boardwalk?”

That one he definitely remembers, with more color than most memories. She was turning 12- it was right before they found out they were moving. Things had been going so well. That birthday saw them walking down the boardwalk together to pick up some ice cream sundaes and talk about friends. Old ones and new ones. Gossip and interests. Max has mentioned that birthday a few times before- she says all the time it was the first time Billy treated her like a real person. Like a sister. He used to roll his eyes at her confession until he stopped. Because he realized maybe she was right. Maybe before that, “sister” wasn’t really in his vocabulary- not with a real definition and most definitely not with a face.

It was a nice day. They skated down the boardwalk and he taught her a couple of tricks on her board and he bought her something from the knick-knack store at the corner where the boardwalk met the street. She smiled at him genuinely for the first time ever. It seemed like they could be friends.

He chews the inside of his lip. He doesn’t like to think too far past that memory.

“Yeah, I remember.”

She’s fidgeting still. He wants to slap her hands to get her to stop because it’s making his leg twitch.

“Well I was just thinking about it. And… and… well…”

She’s picking at her cuticles. He winces whenever he sees her do that. He used to do that too. Used to bite at them when he was nervous, so much it’d make his fingers bleed. He’s stopped for a year or so now. She’s still doing it. He wonders sometimes if she picked it up from watching him and his shifty eyes. He can’t take watching her so nervous and he’s starting to feel on edge and-

“Spit it out, Max.” His voice is a little snappy, but he really doesn’t mean it. She sighs rather than glares.

“Are you still gonna move out to California?” She asks, all the words slurred together like they’re one but it doesn’t matter, because Billy understands them all.

He loses his breath for a second. When he looks over, he sees her eyes are screwed shut, but then she opens them and there’s tears there. He hates seeing tears there. Something squeezes his heart at the thought that he’s responsible again... only this time he doesn’t even know what he’s done.

“Uhm-”

“Like after you graduate.”

“Uh-”

A tear falls down her cheek.

“Shit.”

She looks down at her lap. Billy looks back at the road and has to hit the breaks hard when he realizes he’s about to run a stop sign. He takes a deep breath.

“Maybe. I dunno.”

“Take me with you.”

It’s sudden. He’s staring at her and she’s staring at her hands, picking at her cuticles viciously. It’s the faint sound of someone honking behind them that gets Billy to start driving again.

“Not like… forever...” Max says in such a small voice Billy is speechless. “Just for… a little bit.”

They ride in silence for a bit. They’re almost at school. Billy almost wants to stop the car because Max is going to cry and she’s gonna be pissed about walking into school while crying.

There are too many thoughts swirling through Billy’s head, some of them colored like a carnival, before Max is speaking again.

“I just… I miss home.”

It punches Billy in the gut. His memories fade to the sand and the waves and teaching Max how to break through the surf. He’s swirling down into thoughts of ice cream and babysitting her and walking along the boardwalk and telling her to make sand castles while he ran away with his friends. Tanned skin and sun-bleached hair and darker freckles blooming on their faces.

“It was stupid.” Her voice cuts quickly through the fog of memories. “Forget I said anything.”

“What? No.” Billy can’t forget. He doesn’t know how to answer but… but she’s crying and he’s not going to pretend like that’s not something he should be worried about.

“No, it’s stupid. You’re gonna be going with Steve. I don’t even know how I’d get back… it’s fine-”

“Are you trying to live with your dad?” Billy asks because it’s the only thing that makes sense to ask right now. She shakes her head vehemently.

“No no… I wanna live with my mom. I wanna stay here. I just wanna… visit, I guess…”

He so often forgets she’s still such a kid. She’s four years away from where he is. She’s four years away from being able to be independent. From having the ability to leave. They moved and Billy felt like he had been put in a cage. The word “landlocked” was the cruelest, harshest, most disgusting word imaginable to him because to him the only synonym was “trapped”. He knew it meant staying for another two years. He didn’t think about how for her it meant six. For her it was either plant your roots or let them dry out and crack in the Indiana sun. He couldn’t see that as he screamed at her back then.

“I dunno, I just miss it.” She says, but it’s quiet as she wipes at her cheek with the back of her hand.

Billy pulls into the school and picks a spot in the back of the lot, even though the bell is gonna ring soon and it’ll probably take too long to walk onto campus. She’s still sniffling a bit and his heart is squeezing tight. His chest is constricting. He’s watching Max right now and thinking about how the Billy he was a few weeks ago and even beyond was making a whole plan to just fuck off to California with Steve. How he didn’t even give a thought to leaving Max behind with the knowledge that he’d be back in the San Diego sun. He’d be back where the world made sense and she’d be here still shoving her roots in the ground to find some comfort.

Now suddenly he can’t imagine ever doing that.

“Well uh…” He starts, but his voice is bubbled. He clears his throat and tries again. “I still gotta convince Steve… I was planning on taking him just for a trip over there. Just so he can check it out and see if he likes it.”

He hasn’t even extended an offer yet, but she turns to look at him and the only way to describe her face is glowing. She’s so hopeful. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is slightly tilted up into a smile, open a little in shock. He just shrugs it off, even though it lights up his chest.

“I guess we can squeeze you into his fancy little car.”

“Oh Billy thank you.”

She reaches across the center console to wrap him into as good a hug as she can. He rolls his eyes, but he pats her back as he does it.

“Yeah yeah… chill out.” He sounds tired to his ears, pulling away from Max and getting ready to leave the car when-

“We should take El, too.”

“What?”

Max crosses her arms, suddenly looking pretty bossy for a girl with tears still shining in her eyes. Billy can’t say he’s exactly surprised at seeing her capable of that.

“We should take El too.”

“You just invited yourself and now you’re inviting other people?”

Her brows furrow.

“She’s my best friend! And she’s like... your sister now, right?”

“Yeah yeah, but-”

“I’m going to be there all alone with just you and Steve! I’m gonna need someone to keep me company while you two try to suck face.”

“Okay I get it-”

“Plus she’s never seen the ocean! She’s never left Indiana… she’s barely left Hawkins! She needs something like this-!”

“Al-right! Alright, I get it. I’ll ask Hop, alright?”

Max seems to let up, taking a deep breath and sitting back in her seat from where she was getting dangerously close to the edge in her excitable anger.

They sit in the quiet for a second before Billy elbows her and mutters: “Trying to guilt trip me, huh?”

Max shrugs, but she’s chewing her lip and picking at her cuticles and she’s giving Billy a side eye and-

“I just wanna show her around…” Max shrugs again, like she can’t think to do anything else. “It was my home too, Billy.”

She’s still picking at her cuticles and her leg is bouncing and she… she’s so young. He’s not sure how he could forget so quickly. She left a home behind, too. And family and friends. She left a lot behind. He always forgets.

“Billy…” Max starts, voice trailing.

“Yeah?”

There’s a small beat of silence where Billy waits breathlessly.

“We’re going to California.”

It’s a statement- like there’s no doubt in her mind that it’s happening. It’s going to happen. He hears her certainty and feels it too. She’s starting with concentrated eyes down at her lap but she’s so sure it looks like it hurts.

She sniffles and his heart nearly cracks. He rubs her shoulder kind of harshly and rather than a glare she gives a sort of grateful smile. That is, before she pushes at Billy’s hand and wipes at her eye and gripes about how “we’re gonna be late.”

Billy snickers.

[katsukikitten]

Hate you

Six fucking tries to realize it's the emojis the text post dont fucking like. Well without further bullshit here is a fic based off the angsty as fuck song I really wish I hated you by blink 182. Plz enjoy

Bakugou struggles to leave his bed as the sun rushes in through cheap drawn curtains, smooth glass pressed to his palm with some sloshing amber liquid swirling at the bottom.

He rights himself, absently reaching for his phone as he tips the bottle to his lips, emptying the contents. Scarlet eyes reread over messages from a year ago before he extends his arm above his head just to bring it down in a swift motion letting the bottle go half way through. Glass litters the dirty laundry that acts as a rug over the old floor. His phone meets the dry wall, smashing another hole into the grand gaping art that is behind his door. He runs his deadly hands through his hair uncaring how sparks fly from agitated fingers.

Scarlet eyes flicker to a photo of himself with his arm wrapped around you, a candid shot of you two laughing at some stupid shit Kirishima said at a party long forgotten.

He growls to himself as he swipes at the frame causing it to soar off of the nightstand.

An action that has become a daily ritual, he sighs, standing on the shards of glass with uncaring feet before he lifts up the frame, sans glass, as he learned the first time in his fit of rage to leave it out. He sets the photo back up neatly, eyes burning.

His phone begs for his attention, alerting him to some stupid notification. He cannot be bothered as he know it will never be something from you. Yet he makes motion for it anyway, lazily reading a text.

Kirishima: Come on bro, meet us for drinks tonight.

Katsuki's fingers fly across the cracked glass to reply with two words, 'I work.'

An excuse he uses often knowing full well no one will question it, when really he just wants to drink alone and stay drunk. Even if it means drinking before during or after shifts.

He pulls his matching black shirt over his muscled torso looking at his all black hero suit that he's come to hate.

He made it all black per *your* suggestion. As he stares at himself in his mirror he sees an image of you. You drape your arm around his shoulders, mischief dancing in your eyes and in your smile as you trail under his shirt. Fingers slowly going up his chiseled abs.

After all this time he can still feel the ghost of your lips to his ear, can even hear your whisper.

*"It looks great on you....but it would look even better on the floor."*

A loud ping pulls him from the memory as he stares at his phone.

Another meaningless text.

Kiri: *I'm buying. So I'll see you tonight.*

He pockets his phone without another word into the pants of last night's hero suit making a mental note to stop by the liquor store for more booze for his going on now five day binge.

The sun shines too bright for Katsuki, too cheerfully, as it kisses sunshine onto all of your favorite blooming flowers. He snarls at each flower head, half meaning to kill them as he walks past.

His scarlet eyes rover over people out of habit as he walks, couples especially, a thing more noticeable to him now than ever before.

All his seething glares safely hidden behind a pair of mirrored sunglasses.

A gift from you for his birthday last year. He ducks into the liquor store, numb over the fact that the paparazzi linger around the entrance eagerly waiting to snap photos of a top pro hero boozing on his shift. The only thing they get is melted a lens or over exposed film.

Katsuki has been numb to a lot of things since you abandoned him, left him for dead emotionally.

Not a single feeling except for rage, waiting to see you again so he can tell you how much he hates you

Or so he tells himself as he stands outside your old apartment, staring up and thinking of the future you two could have shared. He tries to drink the possibilities away as he swallows burning liquid. Deft fingers idly fly to the golden band with a single diamond in his pocket. A reminder he has kept on his person since you.

A reminder that truly there is no such thing as love.

Because if you loved someone how could you bring them so high, make them forget what anger, sadness or pain really was just to leave them with nothing but.

To pack up their happiness along with your books and clothes as if it meant nothing to you at all. Your eyes brimmed with selfish tears as you unpack y'alls favorite photo.

Leaving it on the bedside table to haunt him. All he can see is your misting eyes slowly giving up on him.

He forces himself back towards his normal path to work.

His shift comes and goes with each swallow of burning liquid before the ash blonde finds himself in front of the exclusive club. He pushes open the double doors to spy Kirishima waving at the bar.

"Drink up Ground Zero!" He teases with a sharp toothed smile. Katsuki takes the offer to heart and orders a whole bottle.

Swigging it as the night blurs together, as ever song that he sings is about you.

Sad heartbreak songs disguised with happy beats, the whole club filled to the brim with melancholy over a shit emotion.

"I'm not lying this is what she said!" Denki laughs as he shows intimite texts on his phone. Denki goes onto continue as Kirishima reads but whatever retort he has dies in his throat as his face pales. Kirishima gives a puzzled look as the hot head begins to get to the better half of his bottle. Golden eyes beg with Rubies to be seen as he silently screams, *"WE SHOULD GO."*

But instead it catches the ash blonde's attention.

"Oi." He growls, "It looks like you've seen a ghost."

Little does Bakugou know that he has. A ghost of the top pro hero's past waltzing into the door with an arm draped around the shoulder.

He follows the golden eyed gaze to spy that it is you.

You are the ghost that haunts the bar, nuzzled up and fucking *laughing* beneath the arm of an emerald haired cuck. Katsuki cannot help himself as the bottle explodes in his hands, the flammable liquor encouraging his sparks catching your eye.

Your cheeks burn and your eyes narrow as you steer that God damn useless Deku onto the dance floor.

Scarlet eyes watch as you dance, laugh and smile.

Genuinely smile up at Deku, the kind of smile where it makes your cheeks scrunch up, reaching your intense eyes.

He couldn't remember the last time you looked up at him like that.

He hates the way that you're better off.

He decides he's going to tell you how much he fucking hates it and so he waits. Eyes never leaving your thick frame although the two men beside him say that they can leave, that there are tons of bars in the city.

But Katsuki sits right there, like a lion in the tall grass knowing when to pounce.

The opportunity presents itself as you excuse yourself from your "boyfriend" or so the media says. He sees you slip into the bathroom and he stands.

Sending deadly glares to keep people from lingering around the doors.

You emerge from the bathroom and immediately wish you hadnt.

Your heart sinks to your stomach as you stare up at an all too familiar scowl.

"Hello Bakugou." You say tightly, fighting the emotion tearing through your body. This...this is what you both wanted.

To be distant friends, strangers even but it still bothers you when he recoils from the sound of his last name. You try to steel yourself yet your heart still weighs heavy with him reeking of booze and with that one rare look in his stunning eyes. He rages a war within himself, the venom soaked words no longer sitting on the tip of his tongue.

When he says nothing you sigh, going to slip around him but instead one of his toned arms slams against the wall beside your head. Pressing himself agaisnt you and you against the wall.

Trapping you in a darkened corner much to your surprise, his fingers silently gripping onto the band in his pocket to no avail. The gold circlet threatens to snap beneath his touch and yet he cannot remind himself in the presence of you that love isn't real.

Because it is and it flows from you in soothing breath taking waves that crash over his starved form. Making him forget why he is sad, angry, fucking hurting with his beating heart curled in your delicate fingers. Depsite not wanting it you still treat it with tender care, sure to smile his way, to be polite.

To never speak ill of him behind his back. To even go as far to point out his few, so very fucking few, redeeming qualities when the media tries to shit on him.

He reminds himself that at one point you loved him, you loved him, you fucking loved him. You could love him again right? Because he needed you. He so desperately needed you to grow as a plant does sunlight.

He really didn't like himself without you.

He cannot stop himself as leans closer, eyes searching yours for answers he cannot find. Scarlet eyes dip down to your plump lips, a shiver runs down his spine as he relives a memory of hushed words. Of whispered I love yous late into the night.

His free hand cups your face, letting the pad of his thumb slide over your feather soft cheeks before it pulls at your bottom lip.

He can no longer hold himself back as he captures your lips to his, unfucking caring over your boyfriend standing feet away. Unfucking caring at the fans that gasp with flashes of cellphone cameras as he bites your lip demanding entrance. Tongue flickering over yours earning the softest of moans from you.

He wants you wrapped around him but he doesn't trust himself.

He cannot trust himself to leave you untainted as you help save him from himself.

So he pulls away, pressing something small and cool into your palm. Whispering words with that damn husky voice that will echo in your head for months to come.

"I really wish I hated you."

[thefaithie]

WC, Chapter 6

Wrong Conclusions Chapter six: Echoed Farewells

For a long time, Raven and Robin went from roof to roof, looking for their friends. The entire time, Raven continued to tell Robin how silly he was acting and how the their friends were likely just shopping together, while Robin ignored all of her insults and unnecessary comments. Finally, after almost thirty minutes of searching, they saw two familiar figures stepping out of an amusement park. Robin stared blankly for a moment from his hiding place at the very top of a Ferris Wheel, looking around at the rest of the park.

"No wonder I couldn't reach them. All these electronics are jamming the signal," he muttered to himself before getting a closer look at Beast Boy and Starfire in particular. His eye twitch came back as he noticed that the two had even changed out of their uniforms, just like Cyborg had insisted. Beast Boy had put on a pair of normal black jeans, and a purple-and-black sweater, making him look considerably less silly than he usually did in his Doom Patrol uniform. Starfire, though she still wore her Tamaranian armor, was wearing somewhat of a light-purple sweater that reached up to her elbows instead, and a matching knee-high skirt, causing her to look considerably more innocent than usual. Even though it was actually less skin than she normally showed, Robin for some reason felt almost uncomfortable seeing her like so, like there was something private and intimate about it he wasn't supposed to see without her explicit permission.

"Okay. They went on a Roller Coaster or two. Whoop-dee-do," Raven said sarcastically from behind Robin, her hood covering her face. "Can we go now, oh paranoid leader?"

"Not yet!" Robin hissed, looking at Starfire laugh at something Beast Boy had said, and the green boy blushing a moment later. The Boy Wonder gritted his teeth, desperately wishing he could hear what the two superheroes were saying to one another...

"You did not expect for it to have been a true villain?" Starfire asked Beast Boy, hugging a tiger-plushie Beast Boy had won for her to her chest. They had been talking about the strange villain attack from the previous week, and Starfire found the story to be very amusing from Beast Boy's point of view. Beast Boy had been rather short in his official report to Robin; this version was much more interesting.

"Well, no," Beast Boy said honestly, blushing even darker than he had a moment before. The memory was an embarrassing one. "He came into the hospital and started to bother the doctors, right? So I tried t'calm the dude down! Next thing I knew, when my back was turned, I was sailing right through a wall!"

Starfire giggled once again, finding the mental image amusing, of course, knowing that Beast Boy was currently safe and unharmed. A second later, though, she paused in confusion. "Beast Boy, why is it you were in the hospital? Usually, people go to the hospital when they are wounded. Were you in pain after the attack of the Trigon?"

Beast Boy blinked in surprise, not having expected Starfire to ask such a question. Yeah, I was in pain, but not in the way you're thinking of, Star…he couldn't help thinking. For a moment, he scratched the back of his head, wondering whether or not he should tell her the truth. He looked her over for a second, trying to decide. Her green eyes stared back at him in worry and confusion, and her lips were pouting in mild distress. Without realizing it, Beast Boy's face began to grow red again, but for a different reason, now.

"...Beast Boy? Your face is turning the same tint as friend Raven's when she finds something she does not like within her room."

"Huh?" Beast Boy stared blankly for a moment, and then began to laugh, tearing his eyes away from the Tamaranian. "It's nothing, I just thought I saw something. About the hospital - I was there mostly because I wanted to go visit some sick people. I used to do that a lot before we were big superheroes and had to run around the way we do, now. But after Trigon's attack, I decided to do it again. It's made me appreciate life a lot more, y'know?" He smiled at himself, feeling proud for having done something he thought was in the past. He loved kids, and sick ones needed a good laugh a lot more than others. "It was a good thing, too, because that Vampire-dude wanted something from one of the kids. If I wasn't there, I don't think we would've made it in time."

"What is it that he had wanted to obtain?" Starfire asked. And a second later, she added. "And what is this 'Vampire' of which you all continue to call this villain?"

Now it was Beast Boy's turn to laugh. After all of the horror movies he had forced the Titans to sit through, Starfire still didn't know what a vampire was? She still ad the weirdest knowledge gaps sometimes.

Starfire tilted her head in confusion, feeling a very light blush beginning to appear on her cheeks. "I was not aware that what I had uttered was meant to be taken as something entertaining..."

"Huh?" Beast Boy stopped in his laughter for a moment to see that he had actually embarrassed the girl. He coughed for a second to try and cover his laugh and rubbed his arm a bit, feeling awkward. For some reason, embarrassing Starfire simply wasn't the same as embarrassing Robin, Cyborg, or Raven. He felt almost guilty for doing so. After all, she didn't know too much about their culture. Why should she have paid attention to any of his horror movies, anyway?

"Er, no, you didn't say anything. I just saw somethin' really funny," He lied, before beginning an explanation. "Well, I have no idea what the guy wanted, really, but whatever it was, he wanted it from a certain kid. The jerk hurt a bunch of ladies at the front, trying to get the kid's information. I gave the kid a Communicator, just in case something happens again. As for what a vampire is, they're these big myth things we have from Romany."

Starfire stared at Beast Boy in confusion for a moment. "Ro...many?"

"Yeah, Romany. It's a country in Europe or Antarctica or something, vhere dey all speek like diiis!" Beast Boy did his best to impersonate the Romanian accent. Starfire tilted her head at him.

"But Beast Boy, is that country not called 'Romania?'"

Beast Boy winced in realization. She was right.

"Well, yeah, but you can call it Romany, too!" He said, not sure himself if that was right or not, but it sounded like it must have been. He found that it was very easy to not seem like a total fool in front of Starfire. She not only believed everything he said, but she also knew what it felt like to be embarrassed for not knowing something. She was nothing like cold, cool, smart Raven, who never fumbled for a word. "Either way, Vampires have long fangs and are supposed to drink the blood of other people. Usually they have super strength and can disappear into the night and stuff. It's just these creatures based off of vampire bats, which are actually totally docile and only like to take blood from farm animals. So the real bats technically drink blood, too, but these Vampire things are totally fake. Oh, and Vampires, if they bite someone, that person's supposed to turn into their soulless zombie slave of theirs and...Star?"

Beast Boy cut himself off, looking back to notice that Starfire had stopped floating and had fallen out of step with him. She was now on her feet, shivering a bit with every word said. Her green eyes were brimming with tears of horror.

Shrieking laughter and words as cold as ice were echoing all across Starfire's mind. She remembered hands all over her body, in places she did not like being touched, and the scars they had left behind at her early age. She remembered every scar, as though they were back on her body, once again being inflicted by claws, fangs, and whips. She remembered all the horrible things she had seen within iron and stone walls, all of the horrible screams of agony and death she had heard. Tears quickly began to flow down her cheeks and her knees to felt weak. Her heart began to pound faster than it ever had before, and she began to emit whimpering sounds without even realizing it. She remembered everything, though she had spent so long trying to forget and push those memories away.

"Starfire!" Beast Boy ran back to her, feeling very confused and flustered. Great. He'd said something stupid! Augh, when was he going to learn to shut his mouth!? "Star, I'm-I'm really sorry! I have no idea what I said, but I didn't mean it, really! I'll make it up to you!"

Starfire swallowed for air, trying to find the strength to talk. It felt like she was drowning. But finally, she found her voice. It was barely more than a squeak as she spoke. "N-No, B-Beast Boy, i-it was nothing you had s-said. M-Memories of s-similar creatures plague my m-mind..."

"..Similar creatures? Star, you...you can't be serious," Beast Boy said, laughing a bit. But his laugh was more nervous than anything. After all, if huge insect-women who ate only Tamaraneans in their chrysalis form existed, why couldn't vampires? But still, it wasn't something Beast Boy wanted to accept yet if he didn't absolutely have to. "Vampire's aren't real."

"I-I know!" Starfire managed, feeling the heat from the tears on her cheeks. She felt very foolish for overreacting the way she was, but she couldn't simply shake it off. She'd managed to shake off the thought when she'd first seen the villain from far away a week ago, but now, with a description like that... "But you-your mention of the villain...H-He looks and s-sounds so m-much like one of them-!"

"Starfire, calm down...It's okay..." Beast Boy said, more quietly now, as he put his hands up in front of him to try and show her that everything was alright. "You're okay now..." As a friendly gesture, Beast Boy wrapped an arm around Starfire's shoulder. He hoped it would help snap her back into at least some form of reality. But his ears drooped a bit, as she did nothing more than shake her head to and fro, trying to force the voices from her mind.

"Star...Star, come on -- tell me what's wrong."

He whispered this closely into her ear, hugging her to him as he did so. In all of his years with the Titans, he had never seen Starfire in such a vulnerable state. She had always been powerful and giddy, or confused and curious. But never frightened to the point of crying, and in truth, it caused Beast Boy's heart to speed up in fear as well. After all, if there was something out there that could cause Starfire such horror, who knew what was in store for him or the other Titans.

"Please, Starfire, tell me..." He repeated, his green ears drooping even further.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Starfire's breath began to steady, though her face remained puffy and pink. Her shivering did not stop, but it lost some of its zeal. She took three steady breaths and gave a weak nod to Beast Boy's request.

"Y-yes, I sh-shall tell you."

The birds twittering above their heads in the orange and red leaves heard nothing. All they saw was the scene of two strange beings becoming closer, hugging, whispering to one another. And to the two Teen Titan birds atop the Ferris Wheel were no different.

"He-he's HUGGING her!" Robin shouted, surprising even himself. He saw only their backs, so he had not seen Starfire's tears. Only that Beast Boy had gotten close to her face, and then wrapped one of his arms around her. "He's hugging her! Right in the middle of the day, where anyone can see them! He probably told her something, lied to her about something! Augh, I'm going to kill Beast Boy when I see him, I swear-"

As Robin continued his threats and plans on what to do once Beast Boy returned home, Raven merely stared at the two as they slowly, ever so slowly, began to walk off, step-in-step. She felt their auras. She felt Starfire's face growing hot, her heart pounding, her gasps for breath. She felt Beast Boy's chest tightening, and him yearning for something from Starfire.

How...how could this have happened? How could those two -- of all the people in the universe -- have gotten together...?

And most importantly, why was she, Raven, so angry about it? She wasn't angry at anyone in particular. She didn't want to hurt Starfire or Beast Boy (though she felt like tearing Robin a new one if he didn't shut up soon). No, no...Raven felt angry with herself. She felt angry with herself for not having realized her feelings sooner. All of the times Beast Boy had made her laugh, all of the times he had caused her heart to freeze, all of the times he had made her worry ceaselessly, and Raven had never realized.

For a moment, Raven felt a sting in her eyes. Water...? No. No crying here. Not now. It was dangerous. She had to stay together. Together. Together.

Augh, Robin just wouldn't shut up!

"Give up!" Raven suddenly barked, causing Robin to pause his endless banter. "They're together, okay? We see that now. Starfire likes Beast Boy, Beast Boy likes Starfire. As long as they don't end up having kids running around the tower, who cares?"

Robin blinked in surprise, looking at Raven's shadowy figure in disbelief. Slowly, he turned his heel to look back down towards Starfire and Beast Boy. Starfire was so calm around Beast Boy. Beast Boy was just as calm around her. Beast Boy didn't feel ashamed putting his arm around Starfire. Beast Boy didn't feel like he was endangering the team. Beast Boy had gall that Robin had never been able to find, not even when Robin and Starfire had been alone together.

Beast Boy deserved Starfire more. Beast Boy had won.

"...You're right," Robin muttered weakly, forcing himself to look away from the two down below. The words tasted like acid. "We should let them get back to their date."

"Yeah, we should," Raven said in a moody tone.

But even though the two Titans had agreed, neither moved. They both looked down longingly at the pair below. Both of them shared feelings of heartache and self loathing in that moment, for not having realized their blatant feelings earlier. For not having said anything in time to have made any difference. For not doing anything to try and make themselves like their counterparts below.

It had been Beast Boy, after all, who had tried countless times to make Raven laugh. He had been shot down by her every time, without even a smile to keep his hopes up, no matter how Raven had felt like smiling on the inside. And there was Starfire. A free, innocent spirit who smiled at the slightest funny word, even if she didn't understand what the fuss was about. She appreciated Beast Boy rather than pushing him away like Raven did.

And Starfire had tried millions of times to get Robin to open up to her. She had made him feel awkward time and time again, and it had made Robin appreciate life all the more to know she was there. But Robin had not done as Starfire had wanted. He had refused to allow her to see any of his true emotions, his true feelings. But there was Beast Boy, who allowed everyone to know what he was feeling at all times. He was loose and didn't take life so seriously. He could enjoy a date without worrying about whether the bank was being robbed. He could make life fun for Starfire, rather than forcing her to always think of work.

As the two watched Starfire and Beast Boy walk off into the nearby, both Raven and Robin found themselves thinking the same words at the same time.

Goodbye...

Disclaimers:

Starfire, Beast Boy, Raven, Robin, Cyborg, Silkie, and pretty much everything but the plot at hand belongs to © D. C. Comics/Cartoon Network/Kids WB

9/2019 Update:

Whoo! I'm keeping up! It's nice to see people still like reading this fic, even years later. I think it's a good sign of how good this cartoon had been when it came out.

[aikainkauna]

Fanfic trope meme

Apologies to those of you who see this for a third time, as I’ve crossposted it to both LJ and Pillowfort. Feel free to comment over on there (or my other posts) if you like. And of course, feel free to grab this one and do it yourself, if you like.

***

Grabbed this meme from a couple of people on LJ. It's... well, apparently about fanfic tropes. Some of them more terrifying than others.

I have written:

-Hurt/comfort (Yeah, baby! Most of my fic is this.)

-Body swapping (Sort of? Souls slipping into each other's bodies for a bit? Jaffar feeling what Yassamin feels? Sex swap, I've definitely done.)

-Soulmate identifying marks (tattoo, red thread of fate, etc) (I have! The Throne of Solomon. And maybe The Past Forgotten counts, in its way. I may have written more, but I forget.)

-Snowed-in cabin/isolated together for extended period of time (The Jaffar/Pwinzezz Cavefic!)

-Found families (I guess the Samarkand gang counts for poor old Fadl? Even if Jaffar *is* his brother, so technically it is his family. But he does have his religious congregation and Zainab, and is... well, he always does seem to be seeking something, so he's the kind of guy to go for this trope.)

-Fairy tale/mythology AU (And not just when I am  writing in *actual* fairytale/mythology fandoms. Which I am doing most of the time, what with Thief of Bagdad being a 1001 Nights fanfic anyway. So I'm writing fanfic about a fanfic of some age-old RPF (fantasy AU!) about historical figures from the late 700s/early 800s...)

-Enemies  to friends to lovers (Yes, please! Aplenty. I'm surprised that  enemyslash/FoeYay/Hero(ine)/Villain(ess), whatever you want to call it,  isn't mentioned on this list.)

-Characters swap roles AU (Uh... I've written sexual switching in some isolated chapters? Like when Laura  briefly doms Torsten in The Fall of Angels, to help him get over some traumas?)

-Friends to lovers (With RPS, Veidtbone in particular, and Theta/Koschei. This also seems to happen whenever I write femslash.)

-Magical  connection (telepathy, etc) (Doctor/Master basically ruined me for all  my other ships what with their telepathic ability. So that now, it feels less interesting for me to write love/sex that *doesn't* have telepathy.)

-Fake dating/fake marriage accidentally turns into feelings (see next trope)

-Royals/political marriage turns into feelings (These last two are pretty much the same thing in ToB, as I've had Yassamin marry Jaffar a couple of times--like The Past Forgotten and The King's White Falcon, but without him laying a hand on her for up to a year, until she finally grows a brain and realises how loveworthy he is after all.)

-Seemingly unrequited pining (Emphasis on the "seemingly." Jaffar's unrequited   pining is painful enough in the movie, so there's no point in making him  suffer any more.)

-Accidentally fell in love with the mission target (Well, *kind of,* what with Torsten. Lars-Erik was definitely his mission target in the original film, and at the start of Because The World Belongs to the Devil, he made no bones about having wanted to kill Laura Erika [the teenage girl version of Lars-Erik in this AU, to those of you just joining in] when she was born.)

-They break up (but then they get back together) (With Jaffar/Fadl.  Fadl's stormed off in a huff at least twice in the past. And Doctor/Master is always the same old on-off car crash, isn't it? Although this is not a favourite trope of mine, as the setup would usually necessitate them being an existing couple in the first place,  and I tend to not write canon or "plausibly lovers" ships because   they're already happily together. What do Two and Jamie, Holmes and   Watson etc. need me for? They're already as good as married. Let them have their happiness.)

-Supernatural creature/human romance (Sort of. I've written Time Lords/humans, humans/djinn at least. And surely wizards count as supernatural romance, anyway?)

-Reincarnation/'25  Lives' AU (What's with the 25 lives? Is this some big fandom thing again? One of the darkest, most fucked-up fics I ever wrote was the Master killing the Doctor during sex and fucking him as he regenerated around him. As you do. And there's reincarnation in one of my Jaffar/Pwinzezz fics,  but I won't spoil it for the new readers by telling you which one it is.)

-Selfcest (possibly due to time travel) (I am scratching my head trying to remember when I wrote this and in which fandom, but I have the distinct feeling I've written it. I've certainly whacked off to  that World Of Simm!Masters clusterfuck what with the pink dress so many  times I... I think I broke two clit buzzers during that time. I've certainly drawn it. And drawn some Connies on Connies. And then there's, of course, Sarosh the Sexbot  who's a clone of Jaffar, looks-wise, but he is very distinctly just a robot, not a living character as such--not the sort with which you could  have a real, interpersonal dynamic. My problem with selfcest, in general, is that I like having that character dynamic--and that requires  the characters to be different from one another. If it's two characters  that are too similar--if they fulfill a similar role in the canons--it's hard to create a dynamic between them and to make it   interesting.)

-Polyamory (Swinging away ALL the bloody time with the Roses!Jaffar and Yassamin, and Torsten/Laura. Sometimes I miss the monogamous 'verses.)

-Amnesia (I've got a post-movie "Jaffar comes  back from the dead" WIP I'll probs never finish, because it doesn't seem to get off the ground. If I wrote this trope, I would have the characters gradually regain memory, though; complete mind-wipes are   horrid. I did have Handy lose the majority of his cognitive/motor/Timey skills in No More  and that was the main reason I had to... well, I'm not going to spoil it if someone hasn't read it yet, but it wasn't the cheeriest of fics. The Past Forgotten *sort of* has this, but I don't want to spoil as to how that happens.)

***

I could write:

-Daemons (Why the archaic spelling? I have written djinn, so I almost put this in the 'have written' section. I can't remember if I actually *have* written real demons, because I might have. Surely, Torsten counts...)

-'Everyone is evil'/mirrorverse AU (Well, mostly, if I want to explore "evil"   characters, I write about those types of characters in the first place, without having to turn anyone evil. Devilry is the 'verse for that. Hell, usually it's the other way around; I try to look for the human elements of the baddies, or at least explore their logic--what makes them tick, what makes them the way they are. So, IDK, I could've also   put this in the "unlikely to ever write" section.)

-And they were roommates! (This would be terrible and also hilarious, whatever characters ended up becoming my victims. Even if I'm more interested in those hurt/comfort plots, overall. And I have always found it *impossible* to live under the same roof with other people because I need peace and quiet and solitude too much. So this is almost a bit too much like the sorts of negative RL experiences I don't really want to get more of in fic.  But I *could* write it as a comedy for cheap lols, especially if the stress were resolved by hot bonking, ASAP.)

-'They  all work in an office' AU (Otherwise, I would've put this in the "just  no" category, but... the Barmakids were civil servants. So I *could*   write Jaffar and Fadl drowning in paperwork--"WHY DID WE EVER introduce paper into THIS EMPIRE?!?" and cursing their fates and Jaffar restraining Fadl from braining Harun al-Rashid with a paperweight. Same with Lina doing Zainab's books and trying to hold back The Fist of Death when Fadl carelessly drops a piece of his lunch over her perfectly calligraphied accounting.)

-'Falling for a coworker/teammate is a bad idea' except this is fiction so it works out (Maybe. Just maybe. But it'd also be in a medieval ToB context.)

***  

I will probably never write:

-'Groundhog  Day'/karmic time loop (I just never got the appeal of this. Sounds like the sort of thing experimental writers would like? The sorts who really  like filling in bingo cards and challenge lists?)

-Vampires/werewolves  AU (I'm not that big on either. Super-unpopular opinion coming up: I prefer sex to the sublimation of it that vampires are often all about; bloodsucking in lieu of sex, and/or being seen as way better than sex just always feel to me like a cheap cop-out from writers who are disappointed in sex, or afraid of it. I've never grokked it any more   than that stupid, stupid "chocolate is better than sex" quip from women who don't know what masturbation is--yes, it fucking well is sex, TYVM! I much prefer to make partnered sex better than it is IRL by adding supernatural stuff like telepathy to *that*. Immortality alone is interesting to explore, as are Gothic themes, but all the usual themes that vampires *specifically* usually represent just... either hold little interest for me, or then, I can explore them in other ways.)

-'Pride  and Prejudice' AU (I don't hate Jane Austen, but it's not my fandom. That kind of society stuff and being witty over teacups in bonnets has never really been my thing--if anything, I usually have my characters exist in their own bubble, isolated from society and its restrictive mores and social stresses.)

***

JUST NO!

-Coffee  house AU/food service AU (AUGH! Please, no coffeeshop AUs for me; the world is full of them already. Maybe I could write it as some terrible, short parody? Or doodle it? But no more than that.)

-Hogwarts AU (Haven't read HP. Young Adult isn't really my genre. I know, I know; I've just lost all my WLW cred.)

-High  school/university AU (I've done Time Lord Academy-era stuff with Doctor/Master, but I expect this means a sort of American high school/university AU with jocks and cheerleaders and shit. Hell, no. Again, the exact sort of horrid society stuff I would rather have my characters escape from.)

-Adopting/raising a baby (Erm, not unless you count Jaffar/Yassamin adopting a cheetah? They do have kids in some 'verses but there's none of that everyday baby stuff that this question/trope probably implies. I'm squicked by   babies, sorry.)

-Unusually specific occupation AU, like, the Author clearly has the same job (It worries me that this is, by virtue of its inclusion here, apparently seen as normal and acceptable..? When it's crap fanfic, inserting yourself into something that should be about the *established* characters instead. Jesus, I don't want to go in expecting a fanfic, and then find out it’s your diary instead! Unless you're Anaïs Nin. And even if you really *do* want to write about yourself, then just... write original fic? An autobiography? A blog? Write an OC that has your job. Don't do this false advertising where you insist it's fanfic when it's not. That's a dick move towards your readers.)

-Loyalty kink (see next trope)

-Alpha/beta/omega (Too creepy. I can write about piss, shit, incest, necrophilia and cannibalism, but not these last two. Any more than I can glorify the Nazis I've written about; I either take the piss out of them, as with Strasser, or just step outside of their politics and bring them into the land of happy sexings like with von Kolb, with the aim of dragging him out of that madness and leaving it behind.)

-Hot single parent(s) (Please. Rundvik: "You love children." Torsten: "I loooooathe themm.")

-Unrequited pining (Too much of an emotional squick. Has to be requited. I write fanfic to fix things, to avenge wrongs, to set things right. I don't write them to make the characters more miserable than they already are. Unless it's for temporary, character-development purposes, that is.)

[lapzidorus]

Nothing for Nothing

Wha!? Where did everything go? Just a moment before, that car rammed straight into ours, and now it's just me, floating here in darkness stretching as far as I can see – not that I can even see my hands right in front of me because there is no light. I am still wearing my long-sleeved jacket and jeans, though, which was originally to avoid attracting too much attention. Am I dead? Is this what it’s like after you die? Am I just stuck here in eternal suspension, or is my fate still yet to come?

   Something taps the edge of my shoe, and I pull my leg back out of reflex, barely holding back a gasp. I peer down and see nothing still. I reach my foot back out and feel a hard, flat surface – a wall? Or perhaps a floor to settle on! When I reach my hand over for a feel of the texture, the rest of me suddenly plops onto it. Yup, it’s a floor – a cold, though smooth one.

    Relying solely on my touch, I position my hands and legs with care, taking my time with getting up. Once I'm on my feet, I tread forward slowly, reaching my hands out to feel anything in front of me. This goes on for a few minutes before my scrawny arms can’t take any more of the strain and I need to set them down. If only I had exercised more. I sink my hands into my pockets and continue walking, stopping every now and then to feel around the floor in front of me. Where am I anyway, and why is everything so dark?

    Several more uneventful minutes pass by before I decide to sit and rest my tired legs, seeing no more sense in continuing. My mind has gone numb from lack of stimulation, so I might just go to sleep right here. I slip my hood on and lay my head down, doing my best to get comfortable.

    Soon after, though, an assortment of crackling and crunching sounds starts up all around me. Oh, now something's happening! Well, what is it?

    These noises grow slowly louder over a minute or so, bringing my ears moderate discomfort, until they abruptly end. A few seconds after that, a large, round cluster of hexagonal holes, towering at about four times my height, brightens up before me in a crystal-y green color, making me step back in surprise – and turn away in horror. Ugh, I finally see something, and it happens to trigger my mild Trypophobia! At least now I know I haven’t gone blind. What even_ _is it, anyway?

    Once I can bring myself to stare fixedly at the unpleasant sight, my first observation is the source of its light: six closed-up hexagons twice their size of the others surround the edges of a deep hole. Also visible are six dark, bladed wing-like appendages protruding around its sides, and a thick tail of a similar shade that the creature appears to be standing with.

    I then hear the entity speak. “Hhellloooo!” Its swaying, high-pitched voice and its jovial tone fall into an uncanny valley between welcoming and threatening, which is accentuated by the disorienting echoes that bounce randomly around us.

    My mind is falling into shambles! Where am I? What am I looking at? Why are things playing out like this? Was I being watched the whole time? Oh, how stupid I probably looked! What’s going to happen next?!

    Hold on! This could all just be a lucid dream; but my dreams tend to be much faster-paced than this, though. Oh wait, I was just greeted by this thing; I should probably say something too!

    I manage to cough out what seems like the most appropriate question to start things out. “Wha-…who are you?”

    "Ahem." The entity’s voice becomes more controlled, and the echoes settle within it. “Why, I am an overseer of sin, who keeps track of the unforgiven sins of every individual I am assigned to.”

    “S-so-” I tremble at my next words. “-am I…i-in hell?”

    “Nooo, not quite,” the overseer corrects as if trying to comfort me, their wings drooping down a little. “You might consider this your own personal ‘purgatory.' Every sinner has one, constructed and designed specifically for them whenever their life is put at risk."

    My eyes scroll across the surrounding expanse, the only light still being the overseer’s eerie luminescence. I guess this _does _match my propensity for anxiety; just gazing into it threatens to fill me with paranoia of something jumping out at me.

    The overseer continues, "Due to the exclusivity resulting from this system, we can generally only meet up with one person at a time; thus, there must be a bunch of us since many people can die at once, as you may already understand.” Way to rub it in, huh?

    I turn back to the overseer. “So, w-what now?” I ask, feeling slightly more at ease knowing I am not (yet) in hell.

    The overseer proceeds to slither around me as they begin, “Here, you are to reflect back on all of your unforgiven sins and confess them to me personally; this is specifically for your sake as I already know precisely what you're guilty of.”

    A large larva emerges halfway out of one of the overseer’s holes, causing a squeal of fright to just barely leak out of my lips. The overseer then comes to explain, “For each valid sin you properly admit to, no matter how small, one of these little sweeties will pop out to greet you from the hole corresponding to that sin. It seems, however, that this one can already sense your fearfulness, darling.”

    Yeah, I am quite the nervous wreck. “Yeah, heh heh, I do make that aspect of me clear, don’t I?”

    The overseer lets out a creepy, yet also innocent-sounding little chuckle. “Now, if your self-assessment turns out to be fully accurate, you get to decide your own punishment! How does that sound, hmm? We figured if a sinner understands where they went wrong, they might know how they ought to suffer as well, so it’s the least we can offer down here, hm-hm!” They finish their circle around me, their seemingly endless tail keeping me fenced inside, and return to their original height and position.

    So I can choose what happens to me? Does that mean anything so long as it’s bad? What are the rules on all of this?

    “Now, as a fair warning,” the overseer notes, their tone turning a tinge more serious, “we are in full power to bestow our originally planned punishment if we deem yours unfit.” They lean forward in a rather intimidating fashion. “Do you understand?”

    I nod my head in short, meek bobs. “Yes, I understand everything.”

    “Alright then!” they announce with returning cheer, wings thrusted upward. “Let’s get started.”

    I think it over for a bit before I know just what to say. “Okay, well…I’ve done nothing.”

    The overseer’s wings flap oh-so-slightly. “What’s that, dearie?”

    “I did nothing in my life to get here. What I mean by that is, I-I should’ve done stuff but didn’t. I had grown to fear the feelings and consequences of failure, defeat, and disappointment at an early age, so I never took up any tasks that weren't in my direct way like, say, obligatory school assignments, nor did I seize any social outlets. I also couldn't stand up for myself in the oddly few times I was picked on; I_ did_ learn to blend in very well, though."

    The larva wriggles slightly up and down, presumably in excitement. “Very good so far,” the overseer interjects. “Now please, continue.”

    As I allow my repressed feelings of guilt to resurface and guide my words, my delivery smoothens and boldens, and I begin to gently pace left and right. “Furthermore, I held back from speaking my own mind except whenever I was forced to. Even if I shared my own thoughts, though, I wouldn’t have much to say ‘cause I refrained from developing any opinions or beliefs beyond the bare necessities, if that makes any sense. On that note, I was afraid to be skeptical of things, but I was also reluctant to hold faith in them; I wouldn’t commit myself to any side or any_thing._ I became complacent, unsocial, unproductive and, quite frankly, sort of lazy.”

    A second larva slinks out from a different hole while the first one thrashes about more violently. “Yes, yes, darling! Spot on!”

    “My mom eventually caught on to my inactivity, however, and had me join a co-worker’s son and his friends on a trip to someplace I forget. Of course, I couldn't conjure up the strength to resist the order. They were a diverse group, though, I must admit; I probably could’ve made at least one new friend if I tried.

    “Anyway, after our light at an intersection went green, the driver forgot to look both ways, and all the passengers were too busy with themselves or each other to see another driver speeding through from our left. Admittedly, though, I kind of only caught them from my peripherals myself despite my well-developed observational skills. Now, I knew I had to alert everyone in the car, but my lips clammed up; I guess a part of me winced at the supposedly unflattering image of a quiet person like myself suddenly shouting out to "Look out!", so how about we just add pride to this list, too, while we’re at it?”

    At this point my guilt and shame become so overwhelming that I can't look at the overseer anymore, and instead I gaze downward with my fingers gripping my hair and face. “Augh, that would’ve been my turning point; I could’ve saved all those people and started making progress with myself, but I went and blew it, all because I was so cowardly and selfish and pathetic that I couldn’t get myself to actually talk to people or accomplish anything my entire life!”

    I wipe my dampened eyes and cheeks on my sleeves and look back up at the overseer. What a mess I probably look like right now. “And now, here I am,” I sob, swinging an arm open to gesture, “pouring out my soul after it’s already too late for any more such chances. If only I became like this when it still would’ve mattered; I might've actually grown to love myself more.”

    Once I've calmed down, I can see that a peculiar arthropod now rests in the central hole. Could that represent-?

    “Well done, dear,” the overseer congratulates. “You’ve recapped all of your sins with perfect honesty, including the one running behind all sin: pride. Now, your newly found confidence can still serve one purpose.” They lean down in anticipation. “It’s time to choose your punishment.”

    “Nothing's going to happen to me,” I answer in a weak breath of defeat, “not good or bad. What should I reap if I hadn’t sowed anything in the first place? It’s best that you just leave me here to wither out in total isolation.”

    “Hmmm,” the overseer mutters in a jarringly ominous tone. “Perhaps you’re not quite as fun as I’d hoped.” They begin to back out, their tail pulling back out from around me and their light beginning to faintly flicker out. Well, here comes total darkness again.

    Once the overseer vanishes from my sight entirely, those weird crunches and crackles from earlier return, this time they gradually muffling out over time until they are gone once more. A loud, but gentle ting then goes off high above my head as if for closure.

    So...did I choose the right punishment? I figured they would’ve wanted a punishment that corresponded with the deed. It could be that mere isolation isn't severe or intense enough. If that’s the case then, what awaits me now, and how long do I have to wait?

    My next thought makes my heart jump: perhaps the punishment has already started! They might've unleashed a demonic beast of some sort to ravage me for all eternity. Or maybe I'm doomed to forever experience unprompted jump scares with no way to brace myself for them! Oh, the stress is killing me already! I think I’ll just lie back down again; maybe the torment won’t be so terrible then.

    I slip my hood back on and lay my whole body on the floor before shutting my eyes. If only I had the chance to make things right.

    If only I were able to escape this crazy nightmare.

    A bright light suddenly hits my eyelids. I prop myself up with my left arm and protect my eyes with my right hand, letting my hood slide off the back of my head. I note how the light is white. This isn’t a trap, is it; some scare to strike home how there's no hope of getting out? Well, whatever, then; there's really nothing left for me to lose.

    I move my hand aside to see what looks like a huge gash in the supposed ceiling. This opening – and the light emanating from it – seems oddly devoid of the desolation that had enwrapped me since I got here, which I sort of sense burning away. When I stand and take a step forward, I feel my feet lift off the floor, taking me by surprise. I look down to see my blurry reflection on the floor, and half a smile cracks through one cheek. Could I really be receiving grace after death?

    As I am drawn closer to the light, a soft blanket of silk envelops my body, and I close my eyes and lift my head in preparation; it looks like I am being granted salvation! No longer will I waste away my days leaving zero impact wherever I go. I can now become a lively individual who expresses thoughts and emotions in earnest, generates healthy social connections, and learns to feel legitimate love in all of it's forms!

    My new life begins here! 

[katanahime]

Every time Jake English says “fuck”

(I happened to be doing this search for reasons. And thought since it took me some time, and Jake’s dialogue is priceless anyway, that I’d share the fruit of my labor.)

This rabbit im sure youve noticed is armed to the stitches! Hes got all four of the funny little weapons i mentioned thatre all deadly as the fucking dickens but that doesnt mean they are meant exclusively for the paws of mr terry kiser. (That is the name i call him.) Heck no. 

GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?

GT: I think i might be fucked.

GT: Jesus christmas you are such a fucking douche.

GT: Oh for fucks sake.

GT: Are you still fucking with me??

GT: Fuckin....... GT: SHUCKS buster. :(

GT: Fuck that also sounded kinda dirty!!! God dammit.

GT: Does this mean i passed the test or whatever the fuck.

GT: What the fuck is it doing now?

GT: There are a fuckload of irons in the fire jane!

GT: Holy fucking mackerel. This is amazing!

GT: Oh shoot dirk he just got blurry and disappeared! What the actual fuck?

GT: So how does humanity fuck up? Is it the nuclear holocaust? Or is it robots? Gotta be the robots right? As per the terminator.

GT: Jesus christofer kringlefucker and here i thought i was rugged!

GT: Fuck this witch i have lots of guns and reckless bravado and i want to stop her. Ill pick up where my grandma left off!

GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro!

GT: So because the witch really hated that guy she took on his name as sort of a big ole fuck you to the woman?

GT: With all your future mindfuckery you made me completely forget about your vaunted hollywood sibling.

GT: Fuck yes the sbahj films RULE.

GT: Then what the fuck is going on! Who am i talking to?

GT: Cheese and fucking crackers when do i just get to talk to the actual dirk?

GT: Oh fuck.

GT: YOU MOTHER FUCKER!

GT: THEN GO AHEAD! MAKE MY FUCKING DAY!

JAKE: (You are psyching me into having dirty thoughts get fucking lost you interloping brain douche!!!)

JAKE: I could kick back in my eligible bachelors limousine and never fuck up or ever say anything awkward like i have been doing non stop so far in this dream.

GT: I dunno about crucial buddy i see you have trolled me with like 50 copies of this dumbfuck social media software for cool bros in hats but ok.

GT: Augh not that fuckin meme again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GT: I just wish we could actually kill the fucking things. Even the little ones can absorb so much damage before yielding any spoils!

GT: Fuck.

GT: Im also just really fucking chagrined over how i treated her.

GT: My head is KILLING me! Augh grandma why did your sweet skull based computing technology have to be such a BRAIN FUCKER!

JAKE: Am i at least permitted to put on a respectable pair of fucking shorts???

JAKE: Thunderations what a fucking clod i am.

JAKE: No i think i wont on second thought tavvy sounds fucking stupid.

JAKE: I havent the foggiest fucking idea who sleeping tavros is supposed to be.

[justsomebucky]

The Only Exception (Part 2)

Summary: AU. Reader is given the task of running a popular love advice internet show when her coworker is fired. Her cynical attitude toward love makes her offer some harsh advice, and more than a few hearts are caught in the aftermath. Will hers be one of them?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 3,460

Warnings: language, fluff, hot firemen, drinking, (one) sexual innuendo, sarcasm, advice-giving for sad situations

A/N: I got so mad that I accidentally deleted my effing chapter. All your lovely notes and comments are gone; I’m sorry. This is a repost. I’m not retagging.

Part - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

“Maybe they aren’t going to show,” you commented, taking another sip from your drink. You and Natasha had gotten to the bar a little early at your insistence (rather, your anxiety’s insistence), and now you were sitting on bar stools waiting for your dates. Liquid courage was your only recourse at this point.

Shopping had been bearable for once. She bought a new skirt to go with her favorite ‘lucky’ top, but you stuck to your trusty jeans. You did buy a new tank top though, and you thought it looked pretty good.

“They’ll be here. They might have been held up at work,” she replied, biting into an olive from her martini. Natasha always seemed so cool and confident; you wondered what that was like. “Don’t forget that firemen are on call a lot.”

“If they aren’t here in the next ten minutes, I’m taking whatever dignity I have left and going home.” You tapped your foot against the metal bar stool in time with the song playing over the sound system.

“Y/N, calm down, geez!” She rolled her eyes dramatically. “Even if it’s not as perfect as your stupid romance novels, can’t you just enjoy some attention and some free drinks for once?”

“Yours was free, I bought mine,” you fired back.

As soon as you had walked in, a man offered to get Nat a drink. She tried to refuse at first for your benefit, but you told her to take it. You didn’t need anyone else to point out your shortcomings.

You knew them all too well.

“See? I knew you were going to hold that against me. Listen, that guy doesn’t want love, Y/N. Guys like that just want to get in my pants.” Natasha sighed. “I would love to be loved for once, instead of just having someone lust after me.”

“Yeah, well, I’d love to not look like a potato next to you, but we can’t all get what we want.”

“Neither of you looks like a potato.”

Both of you looked up to see Steve standing there, his hands in his pockets. “Hi there, ladies.”

Natasha’s entire energy changed when she saw him. She swung right into flirtation mode again. “Hey there, cutie. We were wondering if you were gonna be a no-show tonight.”

“Sorry, got held up at work. You know how it goes.”

Natasha nodded sympathetically, her eyes flitting to yours with an I-told-you-so look.

“Where’s your friend?” you piped up, refusing to acknowledge that she was right.

“He, uh, had some paperwork to do at the station, but he’s not too far behind me.” Steve gave you a small smile. Steve sat down on the other side of Natasha and raised his hand to get the bartender’s attention.

You wanted to say yeah right and run for cover, but you didn’t, knowing Natasha would be mad. “That’s nice,” you told him, opting to turn back to your drink as Natasha and Steve started chatting away.

After another rum and coke, you found yourself feeling a little less ridiculous. Who cared if that stupid, ridiculously attractive fireman didn’t want to come on the date? So what if he didn’t show? You weren’t the one to ask, so whatever. It wasn’t like-

“Hey.” Bucky’s voice sounded in your ear as he slid onto the bar stool to your right.

You couldn’t stop the surprise from showing on your face. “Hey.”

He took in your expression for a second. “What, did you think I was going to bail?” The corner of his mouth quirked up, and you felt your stomach turn at the sight.

Were you nauseated or nervous?

Also, what the hell did he have to go and do that for?

“Nope,” you lied outright. “Just on my second drink. You’re going to have to catch up.”

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem.” Bucky’s smile widened. “So how was your day as the Love Therapist?” The bartender came over and he ordered, then nodded hello to Steve and Natasha.

“It was okay,” you conceded, playing with the tiny straw in your glass, stabbing ice cubes lightly. “I only have about one week left before they finally find someone who is capable of offering advice, and isn’t as pessimistic as I am about it.”

“Pessimistic about what? Love?” Bucky thanked the bartender as his beer bottle was placed in front of him, then looked back to you. “Don’t you believe in love?”

Great. Let’s start the date out on a high note, shall we? “I mean, it’s just my own personal issue. We don’t have to talk about this sort of thing on a first date, Bucky.”

“No,” he shook his head. “I want to know what the damage is here. Why don’t you believe in love?”

“I guess it’s not that I don’t believe in it, it’s that I just think it’s rare. I think people settle a lot.”

“Settle? You mean accept what they can get?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’ve dated, but I’ve actually never been in love,” you admitted. “Have you?”

“I have. At least, I thought I was. I guess you just never know.” He paused, looking deep in thought, before shaking his head again. “Anyways, how is it possible that a woman like you has never been in love?”

That was a warning sign, some kind of smooth-talking voodoo or something, and red flags went up in your brain.

You turned your whole body to him, ready to lay it out. “Okay, listen, I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t really trust guys like you. In fact, I’m not even sure why you’re here tonight. Did Steve put you up to this so he could date Natasha? Because, trust me, she was willing either way. You didn’t need to go through all this trouble-“

“Stop!” Bucky laughed, then took a swig from his beer. “I wanted to be out with you tonight. I did, I promise. You just gotta relax, Y/N. Have some fun for once.”

“Gee, why didn’t I think of that?” you muttered, taking another sip of your drink and looking away from him.

“All right, I can see that you’re going to put up a fight here, so I’m going to have to resort to Plan B.” Bucky stood up from the bar stool, beer in hand, and motioned for you to follow him. “Come on.”

“Where are you leading me?” You slid off your bar stool cautiously, clutching your own drink.

“To play pool, of course.” You watched the muscles in his back and shoulders stretch the black shirt he was wearing. If fabric could talk, that shirt would either groan in protest or moan in delight, that’s how built he looked from this angle.

A game of pool wouldn’t be so bad, right? You were all for some distracting competition. Hopefully your penchant for smack-talking wouldn’t ruin the evening.

He gave you a sly look as he racked. “No woman can resist me once we’ve played pool.”

“So you lose to women a lot, then?” Two could play at this game. “Is that your go-to strategy?”

Bucky threw his head back with a laugh. “I’ve never lost to anyone at this bar, not even Stevie.”

“Guess there’s a first time for everything,” you shot back, finally feeling a little better about this date.

Maybe it wasn’t written by Disney, and maybe there wouldn’t be a future with Mr. McSexyFireman, but at least you could have some fun after a hard work week.

“All right, you break,” Bucky told you, moving aside once he was finished.

You set your drink down on the side of the table, then took the pool stick he offered and leaned over to aim. You hit the cue ball perfectly, sending two stripes into a pocket.

“I guess someone wasn’t kidding about their skills.” He took another swig of beer. “I might finally lose tonight. Maybe I should play defense.”

“Go ahead and try it.” You moved past him to aim a second time, determined to beat him. Your break had been unusually good. If you adjusted the strength of your hit, you could easily get-

That’s when you felt him place a hand on your hip as he moved to stand beside you, totally ruining your concentration.

“What the hell are you doing?” you yelped, jumping away from him and accidentally knocking your shot off balance. You watched in disbelief as the cue ball went right into the corner pocket, then turned to glare at him. “That’s cheating! You made me scratch!”

“You told me to try defense.” He had the audacity to smirk at you. “So I did.”

“I didn’t tell you to grab my hip,” you countered, crossing your arms over your chest angrily. “You cheated.”

He shrugged. “Fine, then. Don’t get your undies in a knot. Try to distract me, and we’ll be even.”

“I don’t want to play the game like this.” You could feel your competitive anger rising. Who acted like this? Did he think this was cute? He clearly didn’t understand your need to win.

“Are you forfeiting?” He was now grinning at you, and that made you furious.

If you quit, he won.

If you let him get to you, he won.

There was no way in hell or Brooklyn that you were gonna let this joker beat you. You motioned to the table. “No, I’m not. In fact, I’m just waiting for you to take your damn shot so I can win already.”

Bucky gave you another look, his eyes twinkling again like they did at the coffee shop. He leaned over the table to move the cue ball and take aim.

What could you do to distract him?

You wandered over to the other side of the table and leaned over the pocket he was aiming for, knowing that the scoop neck of your tank top went just a little lower with the motion.  

He straightened where he stood, and ran a hand down his face. “That’s not fair, either.”

“How do you figure?” you asked innocently, leaning all the way over, your hip jutting out. “I’m not even anywhere near you.”

Okay, so playing dirty wasn’t exactly your style, but if this was how he wanted it to go, well, so be it.

“Augh!” He leaned over and took aim again, but his eyes flickered up to your figure. Clearly this was working better than you thought. “You suck.” Bucky drew his arm back.

“You wish.”

That rapid-fire reply made him hit the cue ball so hard it jumped the table, and you laughed happily, holding your arms up in victory.

“All right, this pool game has been a total bust.” Bucky made a face, but you could tell from the glint in his eye that he wasn’t angry, just amused. “Maybe I should have suggested darts.”

You gave him a pointed look. “I’m sorry, was I just supposed to giggle and let you win? Is that what you wanted me to do?”

He eyed you for a few beats, then shook his head. “No, definitely not. I don’t think it would have been nearly as interesting that way.”

“Let’s try and see who can win without defensive moves, then, shall we?”

“Sure.”

After you won two out of three games of pool, Bucky graciously acknowledged that you had some skills, and asked if you wanted to go back to where Nat and Steve were now sitting at a table.

You glanced over at them, considering the idea, but they seemed lost in their own little world. “I don’t want to interrupt. It’s been a long time since Natasha had googly-eyes for someone.”

It didn’t much matter, sadly, because Bucky’s phone started buzzing.

He pulled it out of his pocket and scowled, then looked up at Steve, who was also glaring at his phone.

“We’re getting called out,” Bucky said apologetically, showing you the text alert on his phone. “I guess it’s good I only had a half of a beer after all.”

You nodded, trying to hide your disappointment. “Good thing.”

Just when you were starting to get somewhere with this guy…

“Maybe we can meet up again soon?” he asked, as the two of you made your way over to Nat and Steve. “I’d really like to see you again.”

“Sure. That sounds…”

Unrealistic? Unlikely?

“That would be nice,” you said finally, giving him a small smile.

Bucky grinned, then leaned over and gave you a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll text you.”

“Okay.”

You and Natasha watched as they headed out of the bar, with Bucky glancing one more time over his shoulder before disappearing out the front door.

“Damn,” Natasha muttered, her gaze fixed on the doorway. “We finally both had dates that were going well.”

“It’s all right,” you replied, glancing at your friend. “What was it that Leah always said? Leave them wanting more?”

Nat rolled her eyes. “Oh, so now you’re taking your show seriously?”

“Hell no. I just thought I’d try to brighten the situation. That’s my area of expertise, remember?” You motioned for her to get up. “Come on, let’s go home. There’s no point in hanging around here.”

“Did you have a good time?”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but yes, I had a good time. Bucky was a good date.”

She stared at you as she stood. “How do you go from sarcastic man-hater to rainbows and sunshine in a couple of hours?”

You shook your head, not really understanding it yourself. There was just something about that man. “It was probably the rum.”

Monday morning rolled around, and you were actually kind of looking forward to doing your silly little YouTube show. Natasha called off sick, so you did your own hair, and sat down in Leah’s office chair, looking over the notes for the day. You kicked up your feet, and waited for your cameraman.

You hadn’t heard from Bucky since he took off during your date, but you weren’t about to text first. No, he was already too good to be true, and like you’d mentioned before, you didn’t trust guys like him.

If he wanted to see you, he’d have to put in the effort.

You weren’t going to get your hopes up, either way.

Scott came in a moment later, looking frazzled and clutching an iPad. “Sorry I’m late, I just got back from a meeting with May. She said your show is actually holding steady with Leah’s numbers!”

“What?” You sat up, staring at him like he had grown a second nose. “Scott, you can’t be serious?”

“I’m completely serious. Look for yourself.” Scott set the iPad down in front of you, and you lifted it so you could see.

The view counts were nearly identical between all of your episodes so far. If it had just been the first episode, you would have assumed it was just viewer curiosity, but this…

“That’s crazy,” you murmured, swiping the screen to read the next voluntary analytic. “A voluntary poll said views from men ages eighteen to thirty-five increased ten percent on Friday alone? Are you freaking kidding me?”

“Maybe they like your honesty?” Scott was smiling at you now like a proud dad or something. “Leah almost never got those kind of numbers on Fridays. Anyways, Y/N, they’re talking about leaving you in this role.”

Your face fell as you looked up at him. “I- that’s not what I agreed to, Scott. I can’t possibly-“

“You can,” he insisted. “You are. Maybe you could open up the questions to include other advice from your column, but for now, May is loving these numbers. She thinks you’re a solid host.”

“It’s far too soon to say anything like that. They can’t make a business decision that quick!”

“I know, that’s why she has me watching the numbers this week, too.”

“I was supposed to be finished by next week,” you complained. “The end is in sight, Scott, you gotta help me!”

“Sorry, Y/N,” Scott shrugged. “I mean, I have better things to be doing, too, but you gotta admit, it’s been kind of fun.”

Fun? Goddammit. “What if I tanked on purpose?”

“Then she might notice and fire you. I wouldn’t risk it.”

“This is crazy,” you repeated. “I wanted to eventually open my own practice, or at least have actual clients, not be a host of some internet show. No one will ever take me seriously now!”

“Well, do this in the meantime, and maybe the name recognition will get you a longer client list.”

Hmmm…

Scott was a freaking genius. That was a great idea. You had to do something to stand out in a city with a million therapy patients with a million therapist choices. “Not bad, Lang. Your talents are wasted as a cameraman.”

“Don’t I know it! Now, can we please get started? I have some real work to do.”

“Okay, okay. Do your countdown thing.”

Once Scott gave you the go-ahead, you started talking. It was easier for you this week, now that you had some experience in hosting a show and answered relationship advice.

“Okay, our first question is apparently not a question at all, but a follow-up from one of last week’s shows. Confused in Brooklyn wrote back! Dear Love Therapist, I just wanted to thank you for taking my question with such short notice. I thought about what you said, and my instinct told me to follow your advice and cancel the wedding.”

You paused, frowning at the note on your laptop, then looked up to the camera. “All I said, Confused, was to think about whether or not you were willing to be in a commitment if you were unsure. I didn’t exactly tell you to absolutely cancel your wedding. However, I’m glad you feel confident about your future, and I wish you the best of luck.”

With a simple click, you deleted the thank-you message. You definitely didn’t want to see that one again.

“Next question, and I hope it is an actual question,” you joked, moving on. Scott gave you a thumbs up. “This one is from Alone in Manhattan. Dear Love Therapist, what advice do you have for me? I lost my wife-“

You paused, stunned by what you were reading in front of you, before continuing, “I lost my wife to cancer last year, and now I’m going back and forth between guilt and loneliness on whether to date again or not. Any advice you can give would be appreciated.”

With a deep breath, you looked up at the camera, unsure of what to say next.

“Well, Alone, I-” Your voice caught in your throat, and you motioned for Scott to turn it off. “Cut, please.”

Scott stopped the recording, his face full of gentle concern. “We can edit that later, no worries. If you need a minute…”

“How the hell do I tell someone to move on from that?” Your eyes stung with unshed tears, and you tried in vain to blink them away. “I can’t…you don’t just move on, do you?”

Scott tilted his head as he pondered the thought. “I’ve only ever gone through a divorce, so I don’t know what that’s like. You don’t have to put yourself in this guy’s shoes, Y/N, to show him some compassion.”

You nodded slowly. The sheer idea of it frightened you a little, to be honest. To finally meet someone that you fall in love with, so much that you want to be with them for the rest of your life, only to have them snatched away from you by the finality of death…

“Okay,” you murmured. “Okay. I think…I will tell him that he shouldn’t be afraid to look for love again if he is ready. Is that too much, too soon?”

“No,” he replied, offering you a small smile. “I think that’s perfect.”

So that’s what you told Alone in Manhattan, though your uncertainty remained.

You couldn’t shake that feeling in the pit of your stomach, the one that told you maybe Scott and May were wrong. Maybe you weren’t helping anyone. Maybe you weren’t cut out to have a degree in psychology, or a practice with clients.

Maybe you shouldn’t be doling out advice for life-altering decisions, or for people who’ve experienced more than you ever wanted to in life.

What if Confused ruined her life by calling off her wedding? What if Alone puts himself back out there, but it’s too soon? Why the hell should anyone trust in your opinions?

You were going to have to decide what was more important to you: name recognition for the future, or sleeping at night with a clear conscience.

Part - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

[kissmefelix]

Came Here to Forget

Jack slammed his hand against the bar on the door. There was music playing loudly, but he could barely hear it over his own racing thoughts. He sat himself on a bar stool and ordered a shot of Fireball.

Tonight, he was here to forget.

Sure, plenty of people came here to forget, but he had had his heart broken for the fourth time this year. By the same guy.

It was the same thing over and over. "I hate you, get out," then a week later it was, "I messed up, I love you."

Jack hated that he was head over heels for this guy, yet he was being used like a fucking toy.

He downed the shot with ease, running his fingers through his faded green locks and sighing. His eyes were red and his head ached. Jack twisted around and people watched, seeing nearly everyone being lovey-dovey with their partner.

A couple shared a fruity looking drink, booping each other on the nose and giggling.

"Augh.." he muttered under his breath. He settled on staring out the window by the door.

Suddenly someone pushed open the door with as much, if not more, anger as Jack.

Jack watched as this man shoved his hands in his pockets and made his way across the bar. As he took a seat next to Jack, he slid his hands over his head and groaned.

Jack felt a little self conscious. he knew he was a crying blubbering mess, and it was just his luck the last seat this..fairly handsome man could have taken was next to him.

The Irishman wiped at his cheeks with his already tear stained sleeves, trying to make himself look like less of train wreck. As he did, the man next to him looked up.

He had tired looking grey eyes and hair that had been bleached some time ago. It hung down the slightest bit, framing his face nicely, Jack thought. His hand rubbed over his stubble covered jaw, and Jack bit his lip.

Jack made eye contact and smiled weakly.

"Hello.." he said quietly, "are you feeling alright?" The grey eyes crinkled as he forced a smile.

"I should be asking you.." he cocked his head, and it took Jack a moment to figure out what he wanted.

"Oh, uhm, the name's Jack." he held out a sweatshirt sleeve covered hand.

"Felix," the man said, taking Jack's small hand in his larger one, "now really, Jack..are you okay?"  

Jack shrugged as the bartender brought him another shot.

"I've had my heart broken more times than I'd like to admit.." he murmured, "by the same guy." he hesitated as he said "guy", afraid he'd get ridiculed for his sexuality.

"Oh jeez.." Felix muttered as he sipped the vodka soda he'd ordered. Jack nodded sheepishly.

"I just really like him." Jack said, fidgeting with his sleeves, "and I keep falling for his stupid little acts." Felix clicked his tongue.

"To hell with him. Or anyone that fucks with someone as adorable as you." Jack froze a little, chewing on his lip. He looked at Felix, a blush and a smile on his face.

"Oh, I-I didn't mean that in..in that way, I'm sorry.." Felix muttered curses under his breath, his face turning pink as he sipped his drink. Jack smiled a little more, but said nothing.

"So..why are you here tonight, Felix?" he asked quietly, "I told you why I'm here." Felix stared at his drink for a second before answering.

"It..it's complicated.." he muttered, "I was with this guy, and..well I never really loved him that much, and I met this girl at the train station on my way to work. She sat next to me and we got to talking. She was really nice, not to mention gorgeous, and we ended up seeing each other nearly everyday. She had a similar work schedule as me, and we talked about the coolest things and..ah fuck I'm rambling.." he shook his head and sipped his drink. Jack put his hand on Felix's arm.

"N-no, go on. I'm listening," he said, giving a lopsided smile. Felix pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth.

"Are you sure you wanna hear me blab on and on?" Of course he did. Jack nodded.

"I-I'm a good listener," he said, pulling his hand away and fidgeting with his sleeve again, "it might make you feel better if you talk it out." Felix looked at him for a second, tired grey eyes meeting ones that matched perfectly. Then he continued, swiveling around to meet Jack's knees with his own.

"I..well, like I said, she had a similar work schedule, and I started to develop a bit of a crush on her, and I thought at the time she liked me too.." he trailed off and sipped his drink again. Jack folded his hands in his lap. "One day on the train we talked about relationships and how we wanted to be sure we found the right person. Then she took a vacation from work and I didn't see her for a bit. During that time, I decided I was going to break up with my boyfriend."

Jack nodded, watching Felix politely. He couldn't help but study his face as he talked. The soft dusting of freckles, how cute his nose was, the way his eyes crinkled when he was thinking. His lips looked soft, Jack noted. The black shirt he had on was tight, and Jack could see his muscles ripple as he moved.

He swallowed, looking back up at Felix’s face.

"I got home after work that week, and sat my boyfriend down, telling him I needed to say something important. He said he had something to tell me as well." Felix took a deep breath, sipping his drink again. Jack could tell it was hard for him to tell this story.

He smiled reassuringly as Felix turned back to him.

"I told my boyfriend that I had met someone I enjoyed being around, and that I didn't really feel that strongly about him..I-I expected him to cry or something, but he just laughed it off and..and told me he had been cheating on me a-anyway.."

"That's fucking cruel." Jack said, quickly reaching out to wipe tears from Felix's face. Felix looked at him, and Jack quickly retracted his hand. "S-sorry."

"No no, it's fine," Felix smiled, "thank you.." Jack blushed as Felix continued. "As if it couldn't get any worse..apparently the person he'd been seeing was..was the same girl I'd met on the train.." Jack’s mouth dropped open, his hand flying up to cover it.

"Fuck.." he muttered.

"It's a small world, isn't it?.." Felix murmured. Jack bit his lip as Felix edged forward on his seat, their knees pressing together. "He texted me about an hour ago..a photo of him and the girl kissing. He just wanted to rub it in my face..so I came here." Felix leaned his head in his hands.

He was so close to Jack, that he could have just kissed the top of his head.

But he refrained from doing so.

They sat there in silence, Jack settling his hand on Felix's knee and rubbing his thumb across it until Felix lifted his head.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, Jack.." he mumbled, "I'm a mess." Jack shook his head.

"N-no, it's absolutely fine. So am I. Don't you feel a bit better now that you vented?" Felix nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I guess.." he looked at his watch, "oh Jesus it's late.." Jack pulled out his phone.

It was 1:24 am.

"Fuuckkkk.." Jack dragged out the word, sighing.

Felix insisted on paying for Jack's drinks, as payment for "making Jack listen to him ramble like a bubble blowing baby". Jack honestly didn't mind. He could have listened to Felix ramble for another three hours and then some.

They walked out together, fingers brushing up against each other. Blushes found their ways to both of their faces.

Felix fished his keys out of his pocket and unlocked his car.

"Where's your car?" he asked Jack. Jack chuckled lightly.

"I ah..don't have my license actually. I walked here." Felix looked at him wide eyed.

"No way in hell are you walking home at this time of night..Or day, whatever. Not on my watch. Get in." He opened the passenger side door. Jack shook his head.

"Isn't there a rule about not riding with strangers?" Felix rolled his eyes.

"Jack, I know you don't know me that well, but please, trust me when I say I'm concerned about you." Jack blushed.

"I-I mean I guess it wouldn't hurt.." he sat down in the car, Felix shutting the door gently behind him. Jack buckled his seatbelt as he got in the car and started it.

What was the worst that could happen? Murder?

"So, uh, where do you live?" Jack bit his lip, then explained to Felix how to get there as they pulled out onto the street.

"Oh shit, Felix wait a second.." Felix drove back into their parking space, slightly alarmed at how panicked his new friend sounded.

"What is it?"

"My-my boyfriend..well ex boyfriend, is having a party at our..my house. He texted me on my way here.." Felix looked at Jack, complete worry taken over his face.

"Fucking asshole.." he muttered, looking away, "I-do you wanna come to my place then?.." Jack played with his sleeves.

"I-I dunno..I don't want to be a burden on you, Felix." he murmured, "You just met me, I'm sure you have stuff to do." Felix shook his head and grabbed Jack's hands before either of them knew what was happening.

"Jack, you will not be a burden to me. I want to help you. Please, come to my house, you can stay the night and I'll drive you home in the morning." Jack looked at his hands that had been taken into Felix's, then back up at the man in front of him.

"I-if you’re sure.." Felix smiled, relief showing on his face.

"Thank god."

They drove in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. They would look at each other now and then, giggles and blushes being shared.

Felix pulled into his driveway and Jack whistled softly.

"Nice place." he said as he opened the door. Felix pushed a hand through his hair and shrugged.

"Thank you." he murmured. He unlocked the front door and let Jack in first.

Felix took Jack's sweatshirt and hung it in the closet next to his coat. Jack kicked off his shoes as a pug came to greet him. He laughed, getting on his knees and talking to the dog as if it was a baby.

Felix chuckled, "that's Edgar." he said, "He loves people, but I’m pretty sure he was sent from hell to watch over me or something."

Jack burst into a fit of giggles as continued to pet the dog before standing up.

He turned to face Felix, not realizing how close he actually was to him. Their faces were just inches apart. Jack blushed, but didn't back away. Felix's hand suddenly connected with Jack's hip, and he pulled him closer. Jack’s eyes fluttered closed and he leaned in, their lips meeting in the middle.

He wrapped his arms around Felix's neck, pressing their bodies together. Felix smiled into the kiss before disconnecting it to breathe.

Jack's face was red as all hell, he was sure of it.

"I-wow.." he breathed. Felix bit his lip; he suddenly looked embarrassed.

"I'm-I'm sorry, Jack..that was uncalled for.." he let go of Jack, the Irishman immediately feeling the loss of heat. “I shouldn’t have-”

Jack grabbed Felix's hand and put it back on his waist, quieting him.

"Don't stop.." Jack whispered, leaning into his touch and closing his eyes. He felt Felix lean in again, this time kissing him a little harder. He brought his hands to Jack's butt, squeezing gently as he picked him up with ease. He backed Jack up against the wall. Jack laughed lightly, wrapping his legs around Felix's hips. He ran his slender hands down Felix's shoulders and arms, feeling each muscle ripple as he moved.

For some reason, he couldn't put his finger on it, he felt extremely safe in Felix's arms. His cares seemed to melt away as he kissed this stranger he met at the bar.

They parted slowly, foreheads still touching. Felix's smile grew as he stared at Jack with those beautiful blue eyes. He was a little out of breath, but in a good way.

"Are..are you sure you wanna do this?.." he murmured, looking down at Jack's lips, his eyes not daring to travel any further. Jack squeezed Felix's sides with his thighs and smiled softly.

"Would I have stayed if I didn't?"

With that their lips collided again, Felix letting out a soft groan as Jack ran his fingers through his hair.

Suddenly, Felix pulled back from the wall, Jack's arms wrapping around his neck again. Felix started up the stairs to his bedroom, kissing Jack's neck as he did. Jack threw his head and giggled, making Felix grin.

Kicking the door open with his foot, Felix placed Jack on the bed, climbing on top of him. He laughed, his deep baritone voice rattling Jack's chest as he kissed him.

"You're so cute.." Felix mumbled as he kissed up Jack's neck. Jack hooked his legs around Felix's waist.

"Thanks.." he murmured. “You’re not too bad yourself.” Felix continued kissing Jack's jaw, carding his fingers through Jack's faded green hair tenderly. The Irishman closed his eyes and smiled softly. He tipped his head back as Felix’s kisses moved his shoulder.

His hands began to slide down Jack's slender figure, stopping at the hem of his shirt. He pulled away, looking him straight in the eye.

"I-is this okay?" he asked, fingertips lingering on Jack's hips. Jack nodded and sat up, allowing his t-shirt to be slipped off and tossed to the floor.

Hands touched his shoulders, snaking down his bare torso. Jack shivered, grinning sheepishly as he did. Felix chuckled.

He pulled away, looking Jack up and down, studying every last detail of him as he smiled. Jack covered his face with his hands.

"Stop staring'.." his voice was muffled by his hands. Felix reached over and removed them from his face, kissing each hand as he set them down.

"You're so gorgeous, Jack.." he said soothingly, adjusting himself so he was sitting in Jack's lap. Jack looked away, blushing. Felix took his chin in his hand and kissed him, cupping his cheek with the other hand.

"Take this off.." Jack mumbled into the kiss, fumbling with Felix's shirt. Felix smiled and slipped off his shirt, tossing it to join Jack’s. As he pulled away, Jack let his mouth hang open a little at how well-built Felix was.

"Christ.." he whispered, running his pale hands down Felix's tanned torso. He bit his lip and closed his eyes as Jack toyed with him. "I got lucky tonight, didn’t I?" he muttered into Felix's neck, kissing it sweetly. Jack heard him laugh softly as he continued to litter his neck with kisses. As Felix arched his back, Jack felt his erection press against his stomach.

"Fuck, o-oh god," Felix's hips came to life, and he rolled them against Jack. The Irishman fell back onto the bed, pulling Felix with him. Sitting himself on Jack's hips, Felix fumbled impatiently with Jack's jeans, finally sliding them down his legs and throwing them to join the other clothes on the floor. He then slipped out of his sweatpants and attacked Jack's neck again, leaving them in their boxers.

"Shit-ah fucking hell.." Jack rutted his hips up into Felix's, desperate for friction. To his relief, Felix returned the favor, pressing himself against the boy beneath him.

Nails dug into his back, leaving red marks in their place as they dragged down. Felix kissed Jack again, slow and sweet as he rolled his hips at a perfect rhythm. The Irishman moaned into the kiss, a string of curses leaving his lips as he felt himself getting close.

Everything that had happened to these broken-hearted men was gone, replaced by pure pleasure. Jack’s head felt light, and Felix’s lips on his were the only thing he was focused on.

"Fuck, I'm so close," Felix growled as he hid his face in the crook of Jack's neck, "fuck, fuck, fuck.."

"Ah god, I'm gonna cum, Felix.." Jack shut his eyes, his hips moving on their own accord now. His cheeks were hot, every fiber of his being on edge as he held onto Felix.

"Do it, cum for me, Jack." he felt himself tip over the edge, leaning down to kiss Jack hard. As Felix slowed down, the Irishman arched his back, moaning louder than he intended.

"Ah fuck!" his hips jerked up a few more times before they both collapsed, Felix on top of Jack, breathing heavily.

"Mm, Jesus Christ.." Felix murmured as he turned over to look at Jack.

"Yeah.." Jack muttered, smiling at the man lying next to him. There was silence for a minute, both of them staring at each other fondly.

"Hey.." Felix lifted his head and reached out to run his thumb across Jack's cheek, "thank you." Jack propped himself up on his elbow, bumping noses with his counterpart.

"Fer what? Invading your house at 2 in the morning and cumming on your bedsheets?" Felix laughed.

"No no, as much as I enjoy the fact that you came on my bedsheets," Felix pulled Jack’s head towards him, both of them laughing a little as they shared a kiss. "thank you for trusting me. Thank you for helping me forget.." Jack kissed him again.

"I was gonna say the same thing.." he murmured. Felix moved so he was lying on the bed, and he pulled Jack into his chest.

Jack closed his eyes, snuggling himself into Felix's shoulder and sighing. "Thank you for letting me stay here." he said quietly. Felix draped an arm over Jack's waist and pulled the blanket over them.

"Thank you for staying."

A/N this is a re-write from a since deleted blog of mine, so if you noticed that, please don’t bash me for it. thanks. hope you enjoyed otherwise!

[lilundertaletrash-blog]

Chara x (Suicidal) Male Reader

~Reader's P.O.V~

You were sitting of the edge of one if the waterfalls. Your legs were dangling off of the edge dangerously. Danger didn't scare you. You loved it. You loved the feeling of falling off any moment. No one would care anyway. No one would even wonder why you were gone. They wouldn't even you are gone.

You peaked over your knees. It was a long fall that was for sure. Perfect. That was something you liked. How were you still alive? Certain someone would always stop you before doing anything 'stupid'. You simply thought that they did that out of pity and sympathy, nothing to do that they cared about you.

It was unlikely anyone would like you. You saw yourself as ugly. You saw yourself as fat, worthless, useless and much more from what you heard from your college bullies. They were right. There was no one reason for you to keep living such a horrible life.

You would be less of a trouble, letting everyone enjoy their lives without your pathetic empty soul lurking around. You wished you could fall off the cliff, but something was holding you back. If you jumped, you felt like you would loose something important to you. No. You will loose someone.

You sighed softly and looked at the water falling, making a soft loud splash as soon as it hit the bottom of the waterfall. You watched it like something very interesting. The sound calmed you and most likely was lullabying you to sleep.

Before you could fall asleep, you heard footsteps behind you. You didn't turn around. You knew who that was. It was the same every single time. You opened your eyes and stared down at your lap.

"Can I...join you?" Chara's voice bounced off from the roof of the Underground. You hesitated before nodding, letting them know that they could. Chara walked over, sat down next to you and looked down at the height.

"Couldn't have sat anywhere else higher?" They chuckled before looking over to you. Chara may not have been the nicest person to everyone but oddly towards you, they seemed to not want you to give up.

"I would if there was a higher cliff", you muttered before glancing over to Chara. Your hands were gripping at the edge of the cliff, looking like you were holding on with your dear life.

"(y/n)? How about we go and hang out together? We can play some pranks on those skeletons!" Chara offered, a grin spreading from ear to ear. You shook your head simply.

"I don't want to, I was planning on doing something else", you said, looking back at the waterfall. You could hear Chara sigh. You weren't sure if it was out of annoyance or out of worry.

"(y/n), you shouldn't be thinking about those stuff. People care about you", they muttered and looked down at their hands. Chara knew about how much you wanted to die to end the stupid suffering for once and for all. They didn't understand. I had no goal, no point in living.

"Look, I underst-"

"You don't understand anything! Stop lying!" You yelled at Chara with anger. That was the first time you yelled at them. It seemed...that it wasn't the best decision. You instantly regretted it. They were...just trying to help.

"I-I'm sorry Chara, I didn't mean to yell at you", you apologised. They were just trying to help, but why? You idea that they could have cared about you didn't go through your head. It simply flew over.

"Ok, I may not understand since I'm just a person who loves murder, but I did have suicidal thoughts before. I know how horrible they must be as I was bullied in my school. I was called a waste of space, stupid, ugly and good for nothing. But you know what? You shouldn't take that to your heart so it haunts you. You shouldn't let them win. You should show them how strong you are, and I can help you with that," Chara said, their words sounding like a cure. You never thought...that Chara wanted to help you.

"Why? Why are you trying to help me? I'm always so horrible and mean to you so why?" I sobbed out, feeling my eyes tearing up. It was an amazing feeling to feel that someone cares about you. You never realised how it felt.

"Because I care about you, (y/n). But...most importantly I..." They paused as a pink blush spread across their cheeks. "I really like you", you heard them say. Your eyes widen in shock. Did they say what you think they said?

"Augh, nevermind, forget what I said", Chara said before getting up. Before they got up completely, you grabbed their arm. That action caught their attention straight away. You stared at each other for a minute for you decide to speak up.

"I...I like you too, Chara", you managed to let those words escape your mouth. Chara's eyes widen a little before their smile returned onto their face. "Please...can you stay with me for longer?"

Chara nodded softly before sitting back down next to you. You smiled softly as both of you sat there for good ten minutes, all in silence. You were not sure if Chara was going to start talking or not so you decided to make the move. "Why do you like me?"

"I don't", Chara simply said before you turned your head towards them, only to be surprised by a pair of lips planting themselves against your lips. You froze, Chara pulling away. "I don't LIKE you, I love you", Chara smirked a little as your cheeks reddened.

"I love you too Chara", you said before wrapping your arm around their waist, pulling them closer to your side.

"Although, you have to promise me something", Chara suddenly spoke, making you nod. "You will stop running off and hanging out in places like this without me, got it?" Chara asked, sounding more ordering than asking.

"I promise, Chara"