Tumgik
#but something else that i still need to fully research that seems like it was nearly classified as a subtype of eds
cakesexuality · 2 years
Text
Lupron update at 3.5 months
I don't think my illness that I've been experiencing recently is connected to Lupron -- I've been flaring again for the last couple weeks and October 17 is still my most recent dose, so on one hand, at least I know I'm probably not allergic to Lupron, but on the other hand, now I have no idea why I've felt sick so often for the last several months
The online booking system for the over-the-phone walk-in clinic I like to use seems to be borked for now, and there were no available upcoming appointments at my primary care clinic, so I had to use an after-hours, on-call provider from my primary care who told me that I'm doing everything right to treat my current flare, to give Aerius a good try (since Claritin and Reactine stopped working, Benadryl and Allegra aren't options for me, and most antihistamines aren't covered by my drug insurance, even if they're prescription-only), to call back in a few days to let them know how I'm doing, and that they might prescribe prednisone as a last resort if I don't get any better (but I do seem to be getting better!! I think Aerius is working)
I'm booked to get my next dose on January 9 so I left a voicemail with my pharmacy last night to get a refill on both Lupron and Seroquel, but they won't get the message until tomorrow morning, and it's probably gonna be another 12-week kit, which would bring me to 7 months on Lupron
I told my ophthalmologist's office that my eye issues could be connected with my reproductive issues, and I asked if there's a consent form I could fill out for them to talk directly to my gynecologist instead of my GP being a middleman, but they said it should be fine for them to contact her office directly, and the receptionist seemed interested in the idea that my maybe-endo could be affecting my vision
I don't know how useful it would be for my gynecologist to collaborate with my other specialists bc at my last injection, I asked if this could be related to my immune issues, and all she could really answer with was "It's definitely a possibility but I can't say for sure in your specific case" which I totally get, but this time I might be like "Hey, the last allergist I saw wasn't interested in helping and insinuated that this was a problem to take to a psychiatrist, and it will be a while until I see another allergist, so if you're comfortable with it, I'd like you to help me explore this"
I need to try contacting my gynecologist again bc I never heard back about whether she thought Lupron could be making me sick, and I also have not heard from her about Norlutate since my last shot, when she said we were denied by the Exceptional Access Program (after already being denied by the Ontario Drug Benefit) so she would ask the manufacturer if they would cover the cost of my add-back, and if the manufacturer doesn't cover it then we may have to go for a different treatment plan
The closer I get to my next injection date, the more I feel like her next step might be a laparoscopy to confirm if I actually do have endometriosis in the first place or if I have something that isn't endo (or isn't PCOS, which we already know I don't have) to make sure we're even going down the correct path, and idk if I'm emotionally/psychologically able to have surgery right now
I don't remember if I've publicly said this on Tumblr before, but I downloaded my raw data from a consumer-grade DNA test I took (my mom wanted me to do it bc it helps her family tree results and we both knew there's a backdoor way to find genetic health stuff with these tests) and so far, I've found 3 different bits in my data that suggest I have a higher risk of developing endo, so that combined with my labs, my imaging, my symptoms, and how I've been responding to treatment all mean that I wouldn't be surprised if surgery did reveal endo in my body
My last Depo-Provera shot was in August and I was getting it every 8 weeks, meaning I was due for it in early October, and I still have not had the widespread joint pain that I was getting that required me to get the shot every 8 weeks instead of the standard 12 weeks... so now I think it was less of a withdrawal from medroxyprogesterone and more of an effect of my estrogen levels going up as my progesterone levels went down
At my next injection, I might ask my gynecologist if she could order some blood work, bc I'm curious to see how my estradiol and testosterone are doing since we last checked them, which was over a year ago (when my testosterone was normal and my estradiol was... questionable), and also my eyebrows are getting patchy again and my TSH was above normal when that happened previously
My results with hypoallergenic skincare have plateaued, so my biggest pimples are still gone and the skin over my pimples is still no longer itchy or peeling, but also I'm still getting small pimples and my skin is still dry (not as dry as before, though). I'm still sticking with it for now, and I've been taking the doxycycline pills the last few days to see how that goes, which my GP said might give me results within a month and she told me that I don't have to take the full 12-week course if I'm happy with how I look at, say, 4 weeks.
I've started doing patch tests again after my skin finally recovered from being bandaged repeatedly and I got some redness and itching from the antiperspirant that I was using just fine for years until it started causing me problems (and for reference, I had to try out several antiperspirants before settling on this one bc all the ones before it also made me itchy), so now I'm trying out natural/aluminum-free deodorants and seeing how I like them... I've tried a natural deodorant in the past, but it was a compressed powder so it didn't stay put on my skin. I've tried out two natural deodorants this time around, the first one (Schmidt's in Bergamot and Lime) smelled good and didn't make me react but the component scratched me every time I applied it, so now I'm trying a second one (Tom's of Maine in Wild Lavender) that hasn't bothered my skin so far and comes in a perfectly fine component.
I got a letter in the mail the other day from the immunology clinic my GP referred me to, and it says the typical wait for an initial appointment is 10 to 12 months (which I know is a long wait regardless but it doesn't feel big in comparison to my 20-to-24-month wait for the EDS clinic lmao)
0 notes
kryannoy · 30 days
Text
it slipped out, i'm sorry . . .
Tumblr media
genre: fluff
character: xiangli yao
a/n: another fic about him because i am so in love with this man. i am fully aware he is sadly a fictional character 😀
Tumblr media
Oh, how you love your boyfriend so much.
He has never raised his voice at you, never raised his hand at you, never even complained about you. He is just so . . . him! So perfect. The man any girl or woman would dreamt of. The man anyone wants as their partner because he treats you like royalty.
So, how? How does one get him to be your lover? And that person in question is you. How did you even hit the jackpot has always been a question you can never answer yourself. It has remained a mystery for as long as you can remember.
There has been a lot of time you look at him, stare at him, observe him and pinch him and yourself to see if this is real or not. And when you pinched him, guess what? He didn't get mad at you.
He flinched from the pain and immediately turned to you to see you pinching yourself as well. He raised his eyebrow and questioned you.
"Wha . . . What was that for?" His voice is gentle as the breeze, full of confusion yet patience.
"I don't think this is real. Yao, my love, can you pinch me so I know this isn't a dream?" You answered.
He chuckles at this. He doesn't need anyone else to keep him entertained after being buried in his research. You were enough. "No, princess. I don't want to hurt you."
You pout at him while playfully crossed your arms. "You saying that isn't helping, y'know?"
The look on his face isn't really worth seeing. You quite regret this action. Somehow, he seems to believe you. Or more likely, ready to apologize for saying something wrong—when clearly he wasn't.
"What is this all about? Is something troubling you? You can just tell me and I will help to the best of my ability."
He did it again! is what you want to say but you don't want to further upset your boyfriend. After all, why would you do that when he never does the same? He doesn't deserve it.
"It's just, I can't believe I have someone like you. No, wait. That sounded wrong. I meant, like, you're so perfect, how did I end up with you? And why did you choose me when there are other girls who are more fitting to be with you. You're so nice and I feel like I haven't done enough."
His heart bloomed. He feels suffocated but in a good way. An amazingly, romantically good way. He never gave a thought that you felt this way. He always thought that you were just as happy as him to be together.
He moves towards you and cups your face in his large hands. His prosthetic hand feels cold on your left cheek but somehow, you still feel the warmth resonating from his touch.
"My beautiful, lovely, sweet, gorgeous queen." He pecks your lips and even from that short kiss makes both of your skin hot, but still, he wasn't going to shy away now. "You are also perfect as is. So, we are perfect for each other. And I don't need anyone else. Got it?"
Oh, his eyes are shining. His smile is beaming. His touch is welcoming. But his distance is killing. He's so close!
At times like these are when you feel so shy around him no matter how many times you both have hugged, cuddled, kissed and such. You still feel butterflies in your stomach like having a school crush. You wonder if he feels the same way.
"And in another few years, we will be married, live together and have ki—"
He stops abruptly before he gets ahead of himself. Well, it's already slipped out anyways.
How else were you going to respond to that?! He just proves himself to be dreamier than before.
"Xiangli Yao . . ." You breath.
He notices you're so stiff and tense, not to mention, how red your face is right now. He better take a step back before you faint.
The proximity is now enough for you to take a breather. He scratches his cheek with his metal finger, looking flustered as you are. He must have felt the same way—the butterflies in his tummy, the blinking eyes, the awkward gesture.
He lightly clears his throat. "M—My apologies, I . . . uh, got ahead of myself. Forget what I said. I wasn't really thinking straight and it slipped out before I knew it."
It makes you much happier now after hearing his words and seeing you're not the only one who can get embarrassed. You're fully aware your boyfriend loves to make plans, even plans for next year, but you didn't know he made plans to be fully committed to you!
How'd you land a guy like him will always be the question.
You couldn't hide your smile anymore as you flung yourself into his arms as if he just put a ring on your finger. "I'll just say it now; I do!"
Xiangli Yao is so glad you couldn't see his face because if he does, he'll most likely malfunction like his robot one time. "I think you need to pinch me, princess. I feel like I'm dreaming."
Tumblr media
313 notes · View notes
gay-dorito-dust · 12 days
Note
I think it's canon that stan smokes and gets high when he was younger
So I'm thinking reader (they are as old as the og mystery twins) is the type to smoke when they're stress and they say that smoking/getting high clears the fog in their brain
So how do you think stan & ford react to this? I mean they know it's bad but it helps them
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Most research about the negative effects of weed I found online, whether or not half of them are actual negative effects is beyond me.
Stan isn’t a hypocrite, he’s gotten high before and so he knows what state your life must be for you to resort to getting high as a stress relief.
He fully understands why you’d always resort to doing such a thing but would remind you that you could always come to him if anything was ever bothering you instead of resorting to getting high.
‘I appreciate it but I don’t want to bother you with what goes on in my head, half of the time I can’t even put it into words that best describes what I’m going through but with this,’ you raised your blunt, ‘it helps me in ways that talking to someone else never could.’
‘Okay, just know I’m here to talk toots.’ Stanley said as he patted your shoulder and left you be.
Stan did it to escape everything and avoid the consequences of his own actions, so much so that he often abused the substance on more then one occasion, but after Dipper and Mabel came for the summer, he has later learned to cut down his smoking sessions for the betterment for the twins and himself.
So whenever he sees you heading out towards your designated smoking spot- the top of the shack- he’d sometimes join you for a smoke, especially when Ford came back and had been nothing but a stubborn nuisance as you shared common worries while the smell of his cigarette and weed was all you could smell.
Neither of you spoke but there was a solidarity between the two of you until you were done. Stan knew that it wasn’t exactly healthy but he wasn’t going to cut you off weed completely if it helped when you needed it most, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t not join you to make sure you weren’t abusing the substance like he did when he was younger.
Ford fully understands that weed is a natural product that can calm people who suffer from anxiety and stress related issues, but over-usage of it was highly discouraged.
Ford knew his brother did similar things in his youth and hated it then, but knowing that you did also only made his distaste for the strong smell stronger as he would then avoid any and all areas that you smoked in, and yet the smell clung to you like second skin and Ford was reminded of how much he hated the stuff and would try to give you something that would hopefully act as a replacement for weed.
Unfortunately for Ford it didn’t work and by the end of the week you were back to smoking weed almost on the regular to destress.
He’d even list off the risks you’d run if you low using the substance.
CHS syndrome
Elevated anxiety
Paranoia
Psychosis illnesses such as schizophrenia
Addiction to weed, if you hadn’t already formed one.
Confusions and or potential hallucinations
And so many more but the more he listed the less you seemed to care as you had relied on the weed for a good majority of your life, and did so in controlled quantities but understood Ford’s worries regardless in the matter and placed a hand on his shoulder.
‘I’m fine Ford, I know it’s not exactly good for me but it’s the only thing that helps.’ You tell him.
‘I’m here.’ Ford replied, a little hurt that you didn’t think of him as a good option for distressing.
‘You’re far too busy in your lab or out monster hunting to sit still for ten minutes and listen to me talk about my worries.’ You said as though it was obvious. ‘So weed is my only resort to calm mind.’
‘Meditation exists, so does journaling and or scrapbooking?’ Ford suggests and it was obvious that he was trying to mitigate any permanent damage you might do to yourself in the future.
‘Not my thing and I lack the patience when this mind is loud as fuck.’ You shrugged before walking up to the top of the shack to smoke, leaving Ford a little at a loss of what he could do for you now. He didn’t condemn you for your usage of weed, but he just worries that an addiction will grow from it and he wants to be there for you, he just doesn’t know how…
232 notes · View notes
7seas-of-ryy · 2 months
Text
I Need You | Part 9
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8
Author’s Note: I have a few fic ideas that would be set when the reader first gets to the Night Court. I also have more Azriel imagines planned that wouldn't be in this series so look out for those! Thank you so much for all of the comments and love on this story, I appreciate it more than you know! <33
Summary: After months of healing, there is still something weighing you down and Azriel wants nothing more than to help you.
Pairing: Azriel x Reader
Warnings: bad body image, nudity but not straight up smut, let me know if I need to add any others :)
A few months had passed since everything happened and you were feeling better for the most part. Azriel had more than proved himself and you two were best friends again. You now trained with the Valkyries and enjoyed their company. You had also been helping Amren out with translating old texts a lot lately.
You enjoyed having work to do, you started to feel like your old self again. But there were still a few things that gnawed at you.
The main thing were the scars. The physical reminder of what you went through weighed you down. You covered yourself up as much as you could everyday so no one else saw them.
This seemed to be working for you until one day, Azriel came up to you with a big smirk on his face.
"I got you a present!" the still smirking male told you
"How many times do I have to tell you? Stop buying me presents!" you told him
You had never received so many presents in your life and you doubt he has ever given this many. It started out small like bringing you a coffee while you worked, then he would buy you little things here and there like a notebook for your research. Eventually, he was buying you more expensive things like jewelry every other day.
Every time you would tell him you didn't need anything, and every time he responded with the same thing - "I can't help myself, I saw it and thought of you"
The butterflies you would feel were always better than the gifts.
Amren was sitting beside you watching the interaction with a smirk on her face.
"Hmm? A chocolate croissant this morning and now another surprise? Two in one day? Seems like a new record." she spoke in a slightly joking tone, enjoying poking fun at the spymaster
You and Az made eye contact and quickly looked away, a slight blush taking over both of your faces.
After his confession all those months ago, you both began to try and be friends again. You knew he was waiting for you to be ready for more but you weren't sure how to go about it all. It was easier to push those thoughts away for now.
Deciding to help the shadowsinger escape all the joking, you stood up to go to him. He held his hand out to you, and led you up to your room. Before entering, he put his hands over your eyes, using them as a blind fold.
"Is this really necessary?" you giggled
"Of course it is! Now walk forward" he told you and you could hear the smile in his voice
You walked, well shuffled, into your room with him close behind you. He started a countdown.
"3...2...1...Open!" he shouted, removing his hands
On the wall in front of your bed was a brand new mirror. Dread filled your body. The thought of having to see yourself every time you changed made you want to vomit.
Azriel of course noticed the reaction and immediately began to worry.
"What's wrong? You don't like it? I knew it was stupid, Cass helped me pick it out and he has the worst taste." Az babbled on.
"No, I love it." You told him. If you let him know you didn't want it, then he would want to know the real reason. You couldn't explain it all to him right now.
He gave you a look that showed he didn't fully believe you but he decided to let it go.
You gave him a hug and thanked him for it. It truly was a beautiful mirror. It was huge and had the most detailed golden flowers all around it. Perhaps you could focus on that and not the nasty marks that littered your body.
Night time came faster than you would have liked and the thought of changing in front of the mirror seemed like too much. You knew you needed to do this, another step in the healing process.
Eventually you made your way up to your room and began to get ready for bed.
You started to peel off your clothes from the day, breathing through each piece that came off. Once you were fully naked you couldn't take your eyes off of your body.
How would anyone be able to find you beautiful when you looked like this? You wrapped your arms around your stomach as tears sprung to your eyes. You began to softly cry.
Suddenly, you saw movement in the mirror behind you. You lifted your head until you were making eye contact with Azriel through the mirror.
Shadows shot out to cover you, helping you keep your modesty.
"What's wrong, my love?" He asked
The name only made you shudder, knowing he wouldn't call you that after seeing your body.
"I'm hideous. My body doesn't even look like its mine anymore." you voice cracked
His heart broke for you, and he ached to hold you.
"Can I come closer?" He asked
You nodded and he walked until he was behind you, so close you could feel his chest as he took a breath.
"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." He stated and laid his hands on your shoulders, moving them down your arm until they rested on top of your hands. He laced his fingers with yours and kissed the back of your head.
"You haven't even truly seen me to know that." you said
"I don't need to see you to know that it is true. But if you think that, then show me." he stated
"What?" you couldn't believe your ears.
"If you're comfortable, let me see." he spoke confidently
You nodded and let him know it was ok to remove the shadows. He bent down and placed a light kiss on your shoulder, right on one of the marks, then on another right next to it.
Slowly the shadows pulled away from your body and you were left compeltely naked. He was staring at your body through the mirror, in awe of you.
He walked til he was standing in front of you.
"Just tell me to stop if you're uncomfortable." He whispered
You nodded and he got even closer. He brought your hand up to his lips and kissed a scar on your palm. Then moved to the other arm and kissed a scar by your elbow. He got down on his knees and looked up at you through his lashes.
"Beautiful" he said right before kissing a rather large scar on your stomach.
He didn't stop until he kissed every mark and scar on your body. He stood up and took your face in his hands.
"Yep, its just as I thought, you are the most beautiful being that I have ever seen." He spoke as he leaned down to your face
"But I'm broken, these scare are proof" you cried
"These scars are proof of your strength. When I look at you, I don't see anything broken. I see the the love of my life. I see intelligence, kindness, power... I see my mate." he confessed
You inhaled sharply and were confused until you felt it too. A tiny pull on your chest as if someone was tugging a string attached to you.
"You're my mate," he smiled then stopped himself, "I found out when Lucien carried you through the doors and none of us knew if you were even alive. I didn't want to tell you because of everything going on and I wanted to earn your love, didn't want you to feel pressured into anything."
You were so shocked, you still hadn't spoken. In a way, you were glad he kept it from you. If you had known he was your mate you aren't sure what you would've done. All of the trauma you went through must've stopped you from feeling it too.
"I understand if you don't want to accept it. After everything I did-" he started but you immediately shut down that thought
"You have more than proven yourself to me Az. You are my mate and there is nothing that could change that" You told him.
He growled softly when you called him your mate.
You both continued smiling at each other, wrapped in each other's arms.
"If you'll let me, I'd like to continue worshipping you for the rest of the night." he purred.
"It's only fair, you did say you loved groveling" you whispered and he smiled and leaned in.
"Wait!" you quickly said placing a hand on his chest.
He looked confused but you ran over to your bedside table and grabbed the chocolate croissant he had gotten you earlier. You handed it to Az with a smile.
"Are you absolutely certain this is what you want?" he questioned
"It is the only thing I have been certain of in a long time." you responded and he ate some of the pastry.
He set the food down and put one of his hands on your waist, the other on your neck. Slowly he leaned in and placed a soft and gentle kiss on your lips. You wrapped your hands in his hair and pulled him down for a much longer, more passionate one and he grunted into your mouth.
The frenzy quickly kicked in and Azriel ended up worshipping your body for the next couple of days.
You still weren't fully healed and you probably wouldn't be for a while but that was okay because you had Azriel and the rest of your family to help you get there.
Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist :)
@darkbloodsly @xtreme-shipper @rcarbo1 @shamelessdonutkryptonite @anna-reader-blog
@favsrachz @julesvanslutta @kitsunetori @i-am-infinite @cat-or-kitten
@tele86 @popcornlauncher @proclivity-for-fantasy-97 @anxious-cactus @amara-moonlight
@whosmys @vanserrasimp @whoevenfrickenknows @secondratecomplaint @fightmedraco
@watermelomsuger @lillilwil @kaitttttttt @andreperez11 @irelanrose
@myromanempiree @s-a-v-a-n-a-34 @thestartitaness @macimads @shizukestar
@iluvyewman-blog @mybestfriendmademe @jesskidding3 @secret-sheee @mariahoedt
@lilah-asteria @thebeautifulmysteriesoflife @sinfully-yoursss @hellohauntedturnstudent @acourtofbatboydreams
@halo-mystic @tenshis-cake @vhjlucky13 @littlelunatica @blessthepizzaman
298 notes · View notes
chiara-hotel · 1 month
Text
Dating Them! Characters: Himeko, Welt, Firefly, Herta, Ruan Mei, Fu Xuan & Obsidian Warnings: Penacony questline spoilers (Firefly)
Tumblr media
- Himeko is more of a quiet, gentle lover
- Her main love languages is quality time so she loves to hangout with you every single day, even if its as simple as chatting over tea or as big as going on an adventure to find a stellaron
- Following that it would be gift giving, giving you small but simple gifts of things that you like or reminded her of you
- In the past she has given you
Tea Cups (or Coffee cups if you're a coffee drinker)
Specialized Jewelry
- When she does cuddle its usually whenever you both are in bed getting ready to sleep
- But you don't go to sleep cuddling like that-she'd prefer to hold you a bit before and then sleep separately (although you both are still in the same bed)
- Himekos favourite dates include Coffee/Tea hangouts or Movies
- PDA is okay but only if its the express crew and only a little bit, not full on making out infront of them-holding hands, occasional kisses and hugging is okay. Infront of anyone else she sticks to hand holding or hugging
- Himeko also isn't too jealous as a person, she trusts you won't leave her so she trusts you fully
Tumblr media
- Welt is very similar to Himeko in a loving sense
- Similar to her hes gentle and quiet-not to mention he never gets jealous over you
- One thing he does get is protective, specifically when someones overstepped the boundaries a little bit
- His main love language would be acts of service. Welt loves helping you out whenever you need it, holding the door for you, protecting you from an enemy etc!
- Some gifts he would give you include...
Chocolates
Perfume
Flowers (lots of flowers)
Watches
- Welt loves cuddling whenever you both have free time, specifically either you laying on top of him or the other way around
- If you both wanted to, he would also love to cuddle to sleep
- Some of the dates you guys go on can include:
Picnics
Movies
Teaching you skills
Tumblr media
- Now to be dating firefly you have to know about her being SAM + know the other Stellaron Hunters
- As a lover, Firefly lets you take the lead in the relationship a bit more but she isn't afraid to talk to you about things that are needed
- Her main love language is Words of Affirmation & Gift Giving
- She always loves to say "I love you" or "you're beautiful" or even how cute/adorable/handsome you are
- Other than that we've seen before in the Penacony quest how she loves to give gifts/food to her partners whenever they remind her of them! The same goes with you! Whenever she seems something she think you might like she always goes out to buy it for you
- Which includes pastries, keychains, necklaces and a lot more
- Dates with firefly would occur really anywhere. She's not really known for being wanted like the rest of the hunters so she does have creative freedom-just don't do anything or go anywhere where she would need to activate SAM and you're fine!
- Occasionally she might get a little jealous/question if she deserves you but just talk her out of it and make her understand how much you love her
Tumblr media
- Dating Herta is special since she does have countless copies of herself all over the space station
- You could talk with her at her office and then walk out...BOOM! There's another Herta standing in front of you
- On that note, Herta's main love language is Quality Time!
- It works out since there are many Hertas-even so she wants you to hangout with her main body (the one in her office) the most, so its where you spend most of your day
- Some popular dating spots she'd bring you:
Researching together
Eating lunch together
Tumblr media
- Ruan Mei is a careful lover
- Her love language is Acts of Service & Physical Touch
- Ruan Mei enjoys helping you out with small tasks & she enjoys whenever you help her out aswell
- Physical Touch for her is mainly holding hands while walking and doing various things
- Jealousy doesn't exist in Ruan Mei's books either-why would you leave her for someone you met 0.5 seconds ago? That isn't like you at all
- Dates with her vary, some can include:
Going out for lunch together
Working on science projects/experiments
- Ruan Mei is very protective of you-its like she has a third eye watching you at all times to ensure nothing bad happens to you
Tumblr media
- Fu Xuan's love language is mainly acts of service
- She is very shy with physical affection most of the time, especially if you do something in front of others
- But she will help you out from time to time and occasionally takes your fortune if you wish
- Date spots with Fu Xuan include...
Walks around the Luofu
Combat training to up your skills
Going to an arcade together
- Occasionally she will also give small gifts that she think you'd enjoy, usually its only on special occasions though
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
- From what we seen Obsidian likes to cause chaos and start "bloodbaths" as she'd say
- But in a relationship she'd treat you as a Queen/King
- Always paying attention to you, Always doing what you'd like
- Her servants always follow your orders because if they don't well lets just say Obsidian won't be happy
- Having baths together in "blood" is also her favorite activity
156 notes · View notes
apomaro-mellow · 4 months
Text
This was such a cute mermay idea I had to do it
Nancy watched as they took the first mer out of the tank, nicknamed 'Billy'. His tail was a deep blue but she knew better than to attach too much connection between the coloration of the tail and their personality. He was anything but calm and soothing. If anything, she would call him a brute, but it was hard to even say that regarding an animal.
Sometimes fish could be aggressive. And clearly putting two males in one tank had amped up that aggression. Poor Steve had yet to leave his cave after Billy's last attack. They'd need a diver to help coax him out and tend to his wounds.
It takes a couple of weeks for him to recover and in that time, the team brings in a new mer, another male. Robin was vehemently against putting him in the same tank as Steve.
"He just got over what happened with Billy. What're you gonna do if this one tries to fight him again?"
"Steve isn't totally helpless", Nancy said, remembering the wounds inflicted on Billy as well. "Besides, we need to figure out if it really is just instinctual, territorial stuff or if there's something else going on."
And so the second male was put into the same tank as Steve's. At first, he was appropriately cautious, as was the other mer. They both kept to opposite sides of the tank. Then Robin began to notice some odd behaviors in them.
The new one, dubbed 'Eddie' by his wrangler Wayne, would sometimes poke and prod at Steve. He would do so and then immediately swim away, like he was bold but shy at the same time. Steve didn't lash out the way he had with Billy, so perhaps it was some form of play? It was times like these that she wished they knew more about these creatures.
Then Steve did more than just not lash out. He appeared to be playing along. Steve had never engaged in play. Honestly, to Robin he seemed a little haughty, like a prima donna of a fish. The gossamer frills of his tail, almost like a betta fish, gave him that look of someone above it all. But when he played with Eddie, he looked, well, goofy.
But he seemed happy. Healthy even.
Then, one day, while passing by on her lunch break, Robin noticed something she had never seen Steve do before. Eddie floated nearby while Steve swam in an alluring display, his tail undulating in a way that made Robin feel like she shouldn't be watching. So she didn't stay for long. There were always cameras on the tanks just in case something happened while no one was around anyway.
But she brought it up to Nancy immediately. Because if her suspicions were correct...
"It looked like a mating dance to me, Nance."
"Don't be silly, they're both males. And if that was possible, then why didn't Steve perform for Billy?"
"Uhh, he kept biting and clawing at him? Not very romantic. And let's not pretend homosexuality is a purely human invention", Robin pointed out.
Nancy was still skeptical. "Well, even if they are engaging in courtship, the fact remains that they can't reproduce together."
Unexpected babies could complicate things in the tank when they knew so little about mers to begin with. How did they even raise their young? It was the kind of question they'd learn the answer to sooner rather than later.
A few days after Robin took notice of the supposed mating rituals, a diver noticed that Steve's belly appeared to be a bit more full. They tried to get closer to inspect but in his first act of aggression, Eddie pounced with the intention to bite their head off. Thankfully, they were fully covered and got away with just a chunk taken from their goggles. Unable to inspect up close, the research team chalked it up gaining weight. It could either be from preparing for winter or having less stress to effect his appetite.
About a week after that, during a routine clean up, Nancy saw that the moment a diver went into the water, Eddie stood sentry at the cave and Steve was nowhere to be seen, presumably inside. Not wanting to agitate him, they waited until he was asleep to send a camera down. Through its night vision lens, they saw the two adult mer and what appeared to be a clutch of about five eggs, the size of grapefuit settled between them.
When the evidence came back, Nancy pointedly kept her gaze from Robin's 'I told you so' face.
"Don't look so smug unless you can tell me how this happened", Nancy said.
Robin shrugged. "I have theories."
It took about three weeks for the eggs to hatch, after doubling in size. The team kept their distance as Eddie's territorial streak rivaled Billy's when his mate was in a vulnerable state. But they checked in whenever they could. Only two of the eggs grew to full term and hatched, the other three deflating not long after being laid.
Nancy chalked it up to it likely being Steve's first mating and having come from a stressful situation. She was proven correct when a year later, he laid again, six this time, and they all made it to full term. She and Robin watched as Eddie and Steve floated together, tails in a twist and holding hands, letting the current carry them as their eight children chased each other around.
Robin nudged her partner. "We're gonna need a bigger tank."
219 notes · View notes
tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang · 4 months
Note
Can i pls ask for hcs of koko, rindou and kakucho (top 3 best boyfriend crew) comforting their lover that’s on her period? 😭
Yeah sure! Here's what Kakucho, Rindou and Koko would be like comforting their partner who's on their period!
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Kakucho
He is very concerned about you, constantly asks you if you need something and how you're feeling.
Has never known anyone else with a period before so isn't totally sure what he can do to help. But he's very vocal in asking you and learning your routine.
O embarrassment when buying pads or tampons (though please explain exactly which ones you want)
Offers to massage your stomach if it's cramping, he'd do anything to make you feel better. 
Is also super comforting if you start crying or getting upset because of it. Gently wipes your tears away and just hugs you, fully encouraging you to just let it out.
Tries to cook your favourite food as a way to comfort you
Just spends the week doting on you more then usual. You barely have to do anything that week cause Kakucho will just take care of everything for you. 
Rindou
He's very protective of you when you're on your period.
Spends a lot of time cuddling you and just holding you close, he hopes his presence is of some comfort to you.
If he's unsure about anything he googles it, actually does a bit of research into how to best help you out.
Seems to always have a hot water bottle ready for you?????
Tries to make you laugh a lot if he sees that you're upset about your period. Tells corny jokes like talking directly to your stomach to tell it to stop hurting you.
Will go to the store to grab pads or tampons but takes Ran with him (he assumes that he might know more about what to get because he's older but he's very wrong about this). They end up buying 1 of everything. (He will go back if you ask him to).
Offers you tips on how to get any blood stains out (you already know this but thank him anyway)
Koko 
Cancels his work to instead spend the next few days with you. Even if you insist not to, he still does at least for the worst days. He doesn't like the idea of you being alone and in pain.
Buys tampons or pads for you easily, choosing the most expensive options each time since he figures they must be the best.
Draws a lot of warm baths for you, offers to wash your hair while you relax too.
If you're in a lot of pain or groaning he might panic a little and want to take you to a hospital. 
Buys anything you could want that week, heating packs, comfort food, comfort films, he'll just get whatever for you.
Spends a lot of time lying in bed with you, keeping you close to him.
Rubs comforting circles on your skin when you're in pain.
234 notes · View notes
ohbo-ohno · 7 months
Text
lamb to the slaughter
summary: Recently injured, discharged, and desperate for money, Johnny manages to find a job at a local prison by calling in a favor. What seems like just the blessing he needs to get himself back on his feet quickly becomes his worst nightmare when one of the prisoners fixates on him in the worst way possible. (or: dark ghoap prison au. mind the tags!)
word count: 26.3k
cw: GRAPHIC NONCON SEX, trans soap, victim blaming, transphobia, watersports, forced feminization, drugged sex, use of the word "faggot" during sex, prisoner ghost/prison guard soap
author's note: many many endless thanks to ceilidh, who served this plot on a silver platter to me when i was complaining pathetcially about being incapable of thinking. also lumi for listening to me scream ily <3 two quick disclaimers: (1) i do not know how prisons work, and i did not google anything about them for this fic bc i knew i’d get bogged down in research lmaoo. this fic goes by my rules, which means everything that happens works for plot convenience and not by any real world logic. (2) this plot is held together by duct tape and sex scenes, pls do not come here looking for a rich story
read on ao3 - see the pinterest board
Tumblr media
The man in front of Johnny is familiar. Not because they’ve met before, but because he’d spent nearly a decade surrounded by men just like Herschel Shepherd - tall, broad, commanding assholes like him had been his least favorite part of being enlisted.
Johnny spent his entire military career being doubted and underestimated by mirror images of the man in front of him. He sees the doubt now in the way Shepherd looks at him, the way his eyes linger on Johnny’s middle and the quick expression of shock when he’d walked in the door and stood eye-level with the ex-General. 
It makes him want to let his lip curl, to bite out something insulting, but this is his only worthwhile job prospect so he holds his tongue and shifts in the uncomfortable chair set in front of the dark wood desk.
“Well,” Shepherd sighs, folding his hands over his stomach and leaning back in his seat. His shirt is tugged tight over his abdomen, almost pulled out from where it’s tucked in his pants. Johnny wonders if he’ll try and get in shape again when he realizes, or if he’ll fully let himself go and embrace the beer-belly he’s halfway to. “I’ll be honest with you, MacTavish - if you didn’t come highly recommended, I wouldn’t consider you for a second.”
Johnny barely keeps from snorting. That’s certainly an interesting way to say if I didn’t owe John Price a near unrepayable favor I’d laugh you out of the building .
“I know, sir.”
“We’ve never hired someone with your…” Shepherd pauses, bites his tongue like he’s tasting something nasty. “ Condition .”
Johnny resists the urge to roll his eyes. “I know, sir.”
Shepherd looks like he wants to say something about Johnny’s tone, and he probably would have were they still in the military. But in the concrete walls of his office, he only sighs and sits forward, forehead creasing. “I suppose you’re lucky you’re so tall. The inmates might not even notice.”
Johnny wants to say obviously, you wanker, I’ve been injecting hormones into myself for over a decade and I’m taller than you are .But he can’t say that, or anything like it. The fact of the matter is that it doesn’t matter how tall he is, or how long he’s been on testosterone, or how muscular he is - because Shepherd already knows what he was born as, and nothing else will matter to a man stuck so firmly in the past.
That had been one of the only things Johnny was looking forward to outside of the military - the chance to meet people who didn’t know he was transgender before he could even introduce himself. In the service, every superior he’d ever served under knew he had transitioned before they knew anything else about him. It had never mattered that he could hardly look less like a woman, they were going to treat him differently because of something he never could have controlled. The thought of his first boss as a civilian only seeing the M on his ID, of not dealing with the shock and confusion and inevitable prejudice that come with being trans, was one of the sole bright spots he’d thought of after being discharged.
He grits his teeth now, sitting in a shitty chair with cracking vinyl in a superior officer’s barren office. Somehow, thousands of miles away from any military base he was ever stationed at, Johnny feels like he never fucking left the service. His knee twinges in pain and he barely manages to keep from shifting to try and ease it. 
“Folks usually cannae tell,” he finally replies. “Not unless someone tells them.”
Shepherd catches the implication in his tone and nods to himself, letting his head roll to the side. “You’re a surprise hire, so the other guards won’t know of course. It’s probably for the best if you keep it that way.”
“Probably,” Johnny agrees, just barely keeping the sarcasm from his voice. He tacks on a, “Sir,” for good measure. 
Shepherd eyes him again, scanning him head to toe like he can see all of Johnny’s weak spots. It takes effort not to shift in place and stretch his stiffening knee. The damn thing hasn’t stopped aching since he was let out of the hospital, even with the painkillers he takes daily. He worries about how much worse it’ll be when he runs out.
Finally, Shepherd grunts and stands, leaning his weight against palms laid flat on the desk. “You’re dismissed, MacTavish. Officer Garrick will be waiting for you just down the hall. He’ll give you a tour and help you get settled”
Johnny nods and stands, finding himself grateful when Shepherd doesn’t offer a hand to shake. Neither of them are under any illusions that the other wants them there, and Johnny’s glad he’s not expected to pretend this is anything but his final resort. There’s no coming up with a lie about how he wants this job, no pretending his strengths and weaknesses fit into this career - just a silent acknowledgment of an owed favor and a contract with his name signed on the dotted line. 
He lets Shepherd’s office door close behind him and takes a deep, stabilizing breath, a modicum of tension melting from his shoulders. 
The air in the prison is warm and stale, and Johnny feels like he can’t quite get a full breath in because of it. The halls are suspiciously silent, and if he were still a betting man he’d say the air conditioning has gone out and left the whole building just past the point of comfortably warm. 
His steps are near silent as he walks back the way he came, his old training keeping the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. It’s a conscious effort to keep from limping at all, and his right knee screams at him for it.
Johnny’s determined not to show any weakness, though. He can sit on his ass as much as wants to give his bum knee a break - after work. But here in this building, he knows he can’t can’t show such an obvious weak point.
The man waiting for him at the end of the hall strikes the same chord in Johnny’s mind as Shepherd had - they both look like men straight out of the military. Garrick is a few inches taller than Johnny, with buzzed black hair and a dark complexion. 
“Hey,” the man smiles, standing from his relaxed position against the wall once Johnny gets within a few feet of him. “Officer MacTavish, right?”
“That’s me,” Johnny confirms, holding a hand out for a quick but firm shake. “You’re Garrick, then?”
“Call me Gaz.” Garrick smiles, wide and easy, showing off teeth just slightly crooked in his mouth. Johnny smiles back, almost surprising himself with how easy it comes. “It’s my callsign, from when I was enlisted. Nothing else ever quite feels as natural, least not when I’m armed like this.” He laughs, open and light, and Johnny finds more of his tension easing away.
“You can call me Soap, then,” he says, falling into step beside Gaz as the man leads him down the hall. 
“Alright, Soap, I’ll be showing you around and giving you a quick rundown of everything you’ll be expected to do. You ready?”
“Course. Lead the way, Officer.”
———————————————————————
The job ends up being easier than Johnny expected. He almost wants to turn to Gaz and say that’s it? You just want me to babysit these killers all day? Is that really all you do? But even Johnny’s rusty - and that’s being kind - social skills tell him that would be a step too far on his first day.
Gaz tells him that the first few weeks will be easy, that Johnny will mostly just be expected to travel with a pack of other guards and act as an extra set of eyes. He’s to go where his CO tells him to go, watch who his CO tells him to watch, and do what his CO tells him to do. Really, it’s nothing too different than he’s been doing for the last decade - except here there are no targets , only prisoners, and his objective is to keep them alive instead of killing them. 
Quite frankly, it all sounds boring to him. The thought of standing around for hours on end and watching prisoners just go about their day-to-day lives sounds like hell on both his bad knee and his attention span, and Johnny’s far from eager to start his new job.
But it’s the only place he’s found that’ll pay him nearly enough. Anywhere else, and he’d have to stop sending money to Nan, and it’s not like any of his cousins would be decent enough to pick up the slack - they’ve long since proved that they’ll smoke or gamble any spare change away before taking care of anyone else. So if he wants to keep the lights on for his family, he’s not getting out of here before any of the prisoners.
“We really don’t have much of a behavior issue here,” Gaz says on their way out, the sun just beginning to set as they stop just outside the door. “The prisoners have their own hierarchy, and they tend to keep themselves in line. But when they don’t-” Here he smirks, sending a conspiratorial look Johnny’s way. “Well, that’s what the baton and taser are for. Don’t be afraid to use them if you need to, alright?”
“I’m not worried,” Johnny says, waving the other man off. “Plenty of the men I was deployed with probably shoulda been locked up, same as these blokes. If I can’t handle them, I’m worse off than I could’ve thought.” 
They share a laugh, and Johnny can physically feel some of the weight lifting off his shoulders when he realizes he doesn’t have to force it. Maybe the new job won’t be so bad if he can make some real friends.
The thought tugs him to a stop, stalling his laughter. Friends. It’s been nearly a decade since he’d had a friend. His fellow soldiers were brothers in arms at best, despised acquaintances at worst. The prospect of having a coworker he’s truly amicable with, someone he’d maybe go out for drinks with, gives him more hope for life as a civilian than any mandated therapy session ever had.
“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Gaz says, once they’ve both stopped laughing. “Where you parked?”
“Oh, uh- I’m takin’ the bus for a bit. Car’s in the shop,” Johnny explains, wincing internally at the lie. He’ll have to come up with something a little more permanent before long, but the explanation is satisfactory enough for now.
“You sure?” Gaz’s brows furrow a bit, in what reads to Johnny as genuine concern. “I don’t mind giving you a ride, the bus is quite a walk.”
“I’ll be fine, mate,” he reassures, clapping Gaz on the shoulder and turning away, waving a hand over his shoulder. “Tomorrow, yeah? See you then.”
He doesn’t wait for the other man’s response, just wraps his jacket tight around himself and tucks his hands beneath his arms. It’s just cool enough for him to shiver, and to wish he’d worn boots instead of runners.
The prison yard is full of inmates as Johnny walks by it - a good distance away from the fence, but still easily visible. He knows they’ll be out for another ten minutes or so after he’s officially off the clock, which means they’ll be locked back in their cells before long.
As soon as one of them catches sight of Johnny - and his ugly khaki uniform - they start howling and shouting through the fence.
“‘Ey, where you goin’ Officer? Headin’ home to your nice mansion?”
“Goin’ back to fuckin’ suburbia, pig?”
“Don’t you come back, damn polis! I see you tomorrow, I’ll make you my bitch!”
Johnny’s lip curls at the insults, and he has to force himself not to shout something back. His pride chafes against his silence, but he knows instigating will only make things worse. Still, he’s tense as he walks, jaw clenched tight enough to give himself a headache when he hears a wolf-whistle as he turns the corner.
Jackasses, all of ‘em, he thinks, only relaxing when he knows he’s no longer within their sight. He can see the bus stop now, even though it’s a few blocks away.
His knee twinges just as the first drop of rain hits his nose and Johnny sighs, hustling as much as his aching leg will allow.
He’s soaked to the bone by the time he finally makes it to the bench. 
———————————————————————
The next day, Johnny finds himself in surprisingly high spirits. The bus had been right on time that morning, instead of ten minutes late like it had been the day before, and it’s started to sink in that he’s finally got consistent work - and more importantly, a consistent paycheck. His walk to the bus, and then the prison, is clear and pleasant, not a cloud in the sky.
By the time he finally clocks in, he’s almost walking with a pep in his step. The only thing that clouds his mood is the pain in his right knee - he hadn’t walked as much as he had yesterday since finishing off his physical therapy, and he hasn’t been doing the best at keeping up with his exercises. The joint is stiff and tense today, and it’s harder to mask his limp. Not impossible, but something he has to focus on.
Still, the dull pain isn’t enough to fully cloud his spirits. He picks up his baton and taser from the staff room, clipping them to his belt and smiling at Officer Garrick when the other man steps in.
“Mornin’,” he calls, glad to see the other man step to a cubby right near his to start getting ready for their shift. He counts the keys on his keychain, making sure that they haven’t impossibly disappeared, and hooks it through a belt loop, tugging to check that it’s secure.
“Morning, Soap. I’m glad to see you’re in high spirits.”
“Aye. Got a good night’s sleep, got me ready to take on the day.” It’s a lie - Johnny hasn’t truly gotten a good night’s sleep since he came home. He’d heard similar things from other soldiers, something about a real bed being too comfortable, but he had managed to sleep decently the night before.
“I’m glad. You’re working under Officer Graves today, and… well, he’s not particularly popular with most of the guards.”
Johnny cocks an eyebrow at Gaz, leaning his hip against the counter as the other man readies himself. “Really? I figured I’d still be with you a few more days.”
“Neither of us are that lucky, I’m afraid.” Gaz smiles at him sardonically, then steps back and holds a hand toward the door. “Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
The walk to the lobby of the prison - a large room right before the entrance into the actual prison, but with thick windows to see in - together, both lingering at the back of the small crowd of guards.
Johnny’s boss - Graves, a man he hadn’t met yet but already had a sour opinion of, thanks to Gaz‘s description of him during their tour - stands at the front of the room, reading off job assignments from memory and sending guards into the prison to get ready for the day.
“Garrick, I want you in the yard today. Keep an eye on Vargas - he’s been gettin’ too cocky recently. And then… ah, our new guy.” Graves smiles at Johnny as he stands from his place against the wall. Gaz pats his back heavily as he heads off, and Johnny moves towards his new CO when the shorter man gestures him forward.
“I want you to take food to our guy in solitary,” Graves says, clapping a hand on Johnny’s shoulder. He’s got to reach up, since he’s several inches shorter than Johnny, and something about that difference makes his spine straighten. “He’s a mean bastard, but he shouldn’t cause you too much trouble. You won’t get the easy assignments everyday though, rook, so don’t get used to it.”
Johnny just barely keeps from rolling his eyes. “Aye, I’ll manage. Where’s solitary?”
Graves claps him twice more, then steps away. “Read the maps on the wall, MacTavish, it’s not my job to hold your hand,” he says, turning away. “Parra! What’d I say about gettin’ close to the cells like that?”
Johnny grumbles under his breath as he turns to the faded map pinned to the wall. It’s not the easiest thing to read - one corner is unstuck from the wall, and the creases across the whole paper are so deep that certain words are unreadable. But Johnny’s read more confusing under worse circumstances, and it doesn’t take him long to find himself and the cafeteria on the map.
There are a few guards already in the large room when he arrives, most of them paired off among each other and lingering around the edges of the room. He doesn’t bother talking to any of them, and instead heads straight for the assembly-lines of cooks, eager to get his first task done and hopefully get assigned to something he can stand still for.
“Excuse me,” he calls, waving down the first woman to look towards him. “I’m supposed to be taking breakfast to a prisoner in solitary. Have you got that for me?”
The woman he’s speaking to - Rhonda, her name tag says - looks entirely unamused by Johnny’s presence, but she slides a tray of food across to him.
“Thanks,” he says, smiling at her. He’d always enjoyed getting the tougher soldiers to crack when he’d been assigned to their teams. Seeing a burly sniper’s lips finally twitch after days of joking around felt nearly as good as praise from a CO, and something about Rhonda makes Johnny think she’ll be ten times harder to amuse than even the most hardened soldier. “Should I just bring the tray back to you, then?”
She gives him a long look, scanning him head to toe. “You new, then? He’ll give the tray back to you when he’s finished, then you drop it off with the busboy.” She points over to an older man leaned against the counter, cigarette hanging loose from his lips despite the strict ‘no smoking’ policy Johnny had been warned of. He only notices a moment later that the fag is unlit, and the man seems more interested in rolling it between his teeth than smoking it.
“You’re a doll,” he says, winking at Rhonda as he picks up the tray and only grinning more fully when she rolls her eyes and turns away. “Back in a jiffy!”
He’s almost positive he can hear her curse at him under her breath, and that only makes his smile feel more real.
The walk from the cafeteria to solitary isn’t a long one, but it is lonely. Johnny occasionally passes or spots another employee making the rounds, but none of them bother to even acknowledge his presence. After such an open greeting from Gaz, he’d expected most of the guards to be somewhat like him, but he’s quickly finding that it seems to be the opposite. He can’t bring himself to be too disappointed, though - he’s content enough with just one friend for now. He tells himself that he never would have been able to keep up with more than that - he barely keeps contact with family, these days - and pretends he doesn’t feel just the slightest bit disappointed.
The solitary confinement hall has ten cells, five on each side, though only one of them is closed and locked. There’s a guard waiting at one end of the corridor, half-asleep and leaning most of his weight against the wall, but he jerks straight when Johnny clears his throat.
The man has to blink for a minute to clear the sleep from his eyes, and Johnny cocks a brow as he waits.
“Oh, are you here to take over? Good, good, my shift’s already run long and Shepherd’s been a bitch recently about overtime.” The man’s already straightened and several steps away by the time what he’s said clicks in Johnny’s brain.
“I’m not here to take over your shift, mate, I’m just here to give the inmate his…” he trails off as the man doesn’t turn around, fully disappearing around the corner before Johnny can finish his sentence. “...food.”
With a sigh, Johnny turns toward the cells. The doors are all nearly identical, the only thing differentiating them being their signs of wear and the light above their frame - one green, nine red.
Not fully sure what he’s meant to do, Johnny bends to slide the long and thin slot near the ground open, nudging the tray through and wincing when it clatters to the floor. After a moment of silence he stands back up, lingering unsurely.
When the silence stretches a full two minutes, he pulls open the small window at his eye-level, squinting to see into the dark room.
It’s empty.
For a moment, Johnny can do nothing but stare. But no matter how many times he runs his eyes over the same details of the room, they don’t change. Nothing moves, not even a shadow against the wall, and the room appears entirely empty.
“Anybody in there?” He calls, wincing internally at the choice in wording. He sounds like he’s asking if a bathrooms empty, not making sure a likely violent criminal hasn’t fucking escaped.
Unsurprisingly, there’s no response from the empty room.
He doesn’t know what to do.
Had something like this happened in the military, had someone else fucked up so massively that every person even tangentially involved was at risk for punishment, he’d have helped the idiot cover it up and then told everything to Price and let him worry about whether or not it needed to be taken any further.
But here, Johnny can’t put himself at risk. He doesn’t have Price’s reputation to fall back on, doesn’t have tenure or medals or broken records to cushion his fall. If he’s caught in any sort of crossfire here, he’ll lose everything.
He worries his tongue between his teeth, shifting to ease weight off his bad knee. He can’t make any decisions without knowing all the information, so he cautiously unhooks his keyring from his pants and finds the right key, unlocking the cell door.
The hinges are loud as the door eases open, and Johnny only just barely manages to keep from jumping at the broken silence. His palms are beginning to sweat just a bit, but his hands are steady as he just barely cracks the door and steps inside.
He’s hardly a full step into the cell when a hand grabs him by the collar, tugging him into a fist to his eye. Before he can do more than grunt at the burst of pain, he’s shoved face first into the rough cinder block wall, his arms yanked behind him and twisted painfully.
“Fuck!” Johnny hisses, tension lining his every muscle.
The man behind him is silent, but Johnny can feel the long line of him pressed against his spine. He’s a big fucker, not a bit of Johnny’s back isn’t being touched, and he can feel breath ghosting over his mohawk.
“You’re new,” the prisoner says after a long few beats of silence. Johnny bares his teeth against the wall, jerking in the man’s hold. “Ah, ah,” he scolds, tugging Johnny’s wrists back and pushing his shoulders forward with his free hand, tugging his arms uncomfortably in their sockets. “Stay still.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Johnny sneers, dropping his head a bit and allowing his face to twist in discomfort since he knows the prisoner can’t see him. “You’re gonna stay in this hellhole twice as long once Shepherd hears about this, I’ll make sure you never see the light of day again, ye bastard.”
“You a snitch?” There’s an amused tinge to the man’s voice, one that has Johnny growling and jerking in his hold again, damp forehead pressed to the wall. “You gonna go tattle on me, Officer? Tell them the big bad prisoner roughed you up a bit?”
“Get the fuck off of me,” Johnny hisses, kicking his good leg back to the prisoner’s knee. He doesn’t manage to hit him, but the man has to spread his legs a little further to dodge the blow. Before he can force Johnny into an even harsher hold, he kicks his leg back again with even more force. The prisoner makes a rough sound low in his throat when the heel of Johnny’s combat boot digs into his balls, his hold on Johnny’s wrists slackening immediately.
Had Johnny had any less experience in hand-to-hand combat, he wouldn’t have been able to jerk free before the prisoner got his bearings back. He can feel the man’s hold tightening just before her jerks away, turning quickly and landing a solid blow to the center of his chest.
The prisoner stumbles back just half a step, more out of surprise than anything he’d guess, but it creates more than enough space for Johnny to slide away from him and quickly throw himself out of the cell. Just before the door can slam closed, pale fingers lock around the corner.
It’s only Johnny’s momentum and his adrenaline that gives him enough strength to force the door closed anyway - were he not throwing his entire body weight backwards, he knows the prisoner would’ve been able to keep it open.
There’s a barely muffled curse as the man’s fingers are crushed in the door frame, and only Johnny pounding them with a closed fist gets him to fully let go. It only occurs to him a moment later that he has a baton on his hip for this exact moment, but he’s too busy trying to breathe through the adrenaline rush to care about his idiotic mistake. 
He swallows thickly, working saliva back into his mouth, and takes another step further away from the door. He takes a long breath to make sure his voice is steady, then speaks loud enough for the prisoner to hear him. 
“You know the routine. Eat your fuckin’ food, then slide the tray back out.” He tacks on a “Bastard,” his head already starting to pound. He’s not actually sure if that’s what the routine is, but he can’t imagine it’s anything else. 
When the prisoner doesn’t respond, he takes another few steps away and leans where the other guard had been. He presses his fingers around his throbbing eye socket, hissing at the dull but growing pain. He’ll have a nice shiner, for sure, but as best he can tell there’s no further damage.
It only takes a few minutes for the prisoner to toss the tray back out, the plastic clattering loudly in the silent hall. It’s completely clean, just crumbs and a residual grease left smeared on the plate.
He crouches down to grab the tray and nearly jumps out of his skin when he glances up and sees the top half of a face glaring at him from the small opening.
“Steamin’ Jesus,” he hisses, jerking back and away before he can really manage a good look at the man. He sees pale skin and shadowed, deep-set eye sockets, but not much else.
Johnny curses as he slides the little door shut, scolding himself for having such a visceral reaction to a man. A man who can’t possibly be the worst thing he’s ever faced, a man who’s literally locked in a cage. It’s a blow to the ego to have gotten so worked up over an unarmed prisoner when Johnny has multiple weapons on him, easily within reach.
It’s pathetic, is what it is. Pathetic, and a sharp reminder that he’s not the same man as he was even a year ago. Sergeant Soap MacTavish and Officer John MacTavish aren’t the same, no matter how much he tries to tell himself nothing’s changed since he was before being discharged. Everything’s changed, and this is just salt rubbed in the wound of it all.
He’s just turning around to head back to the cafeteria when he hears a new voice call out. “Hey, what’re you doing here? Smith is supposed to be on duty right now.”
The man heading towards Johnny is around his height, with brown skin and dark hair. He wears a uniform identical to Johnny’s, except the nametag over his heart says PARRA instead of MACTAVISH.
“Brought breakfast for ‘im,” Johnny explains, jerking a thumb over his shoulder and unable to keep a scowl from twisting his lips. “The other officer - Smith, I guess - left before I could tell that to him.”
Parra rolls his eyes, stepping fully forward and glancing over at the locked cell door, checking for something Johnny can’t think to look for. “Sounds like him. He’s always trying to get off early, doesn’t care who he dumps his shift onto.” He gives Johnny a considering look and a small smile. “Thanks for waiting for someone else to show up. A lot of new guys would just leave the job to someone else.”
Johnny doesn’t bother to correct him, figuring it can’t hurt for Parra not to know he’d been about to leave. 
“I’m Officer Parra,” the other man says, offering a hand. “But you can call me Rudy.”
“Officer MacTavish,” Johnny returns, shaking the man’s hand. “Johnny.”
“It’s good to meet you,” Rudy smiles. “You can head off now. Graves’ll want you assigned to something else soon, best not to keep him waiting on your first day.”
There’s something odd in Rudy’s tone that makes Johnny unsure of the man, something almost judgmental. He gives the other guard a stiff smile, and turns to leave with a, “Thanks, mate. I’ll be seeing you,” sent over his shoulder.
He only gets turned around once on his way back to the cafeteria, and it’s only because he can’t quite shake the feeling that someone’s watching him. There’s something keeping his arms covered in goosebumps despite the warm air, some instinct making him fight the urge to glance over his shoulder no less than five times.
It’s through sheer force of will that he doesn’t. He knows with absolute certainty that no one’s following him, because the hallway is dead silent besides his quick footsteps. But that feeling still doesn’t dissipate, and that puts Johnny on edge.
The cafeteria is packed full of prisoners when he finally arrives, but none of them pay him any attention as he skirts around the edges of the room to drop the empty tray on top of a pile of other dishes. The busboy doesn’t give him any attention, so Johnny turns to scan the room for Graves.
He’s standing near the main entrance to the cafeteria, not the side door Johnny had come through, and leans against the wall just a foot or two away from a group of guards. They’re laughing just loudly enough to be obnoxious and Graves taps his baton against his palm, somehow making a show of the simple motion.
Johnny tries not to feel too irritated before even speaking to the man again, but it’s difficult.
“Graves,” he calls as he steps to the man’s side. “Got the prisoner in solitary fed, what’d you-”
“It’s Officer Graves, MacTavish,” Graves corrects, his tone snappish but lips quirked in a grin. “I’m your boss, not your equal.”
Johnny expects him to barrel on and say something else, but Graves only raises a brow and waits for a response.
“Right,” he forces out, trying not to grind his teeth. “Officer Graves. I fed the bloke in solitary, where do you want me now?”
Graves gives him a long look, something sharpening in his gaze. “You can shadow Garrick for the rest of the day, learn the ropes a bit more.”
Johnny’s nodding and already turning away when Graves says, “Hey, what happened there?”
“What?”
Graves uses his baton to point to his own right eye, head tilting. “Got some swelling going on there, MacTavish. Anything we should know about?”
Johnny turns back, considering for a moment before deciding he’s got nothing to lose since the prisoner didn’t actually manage to escape.
“The cell looked empty when I shoved the tray through. Thought the prisoner must’ve escaped somehow, but I double checked before reporting anything. The bastard must’ve been hiding somewhere, he got a good blow in before I got him off me and locked him in.” 
Graves laughs at that, a sharp and loud sound that makes Johnny’s shoulders inch towards his ears.
“Yeah, that’s Ghost for you. Seems like he hazed you for us, rook.”
Johnny cocks his head. “Ghost?”
Graves hums, nodding. “Sure. His real name is Simon Riley, but everyone here just calls him Ghost. Big bastard, mean too. He’s in solitary more often than not these days, but that’s perfectly fine with me. The men get real testy when he’s in genpop with the rest of ‘em, always trying to take his place.”
“Why’d they call him Ghost?”
Graves scoffs, and one of the men next to him snickers. “You joking? You met the man this morning - they call him Ghost because of the way he disappears. Then fools like you go looking, and he takes you out before you even realize he’s there.”
A part of Johnny wants to bite out something about how he wasn’t taken out, and he actually got the best of this Ghost, but he locks the words behind his teeth and lets Graves’ dig roll off his shoulders. He nods, and takes another step away. “Well, he won’t be gettin’ the drop on me like that again, I know that.”
Graves laughs again, like Johnny’s a fool, and it takes everything in him to turn and walk away instead of knocking him out.
———————————————————————
The rest of the day goes as he had expected. He and Gaz follow the prisoners from room to room like shepherds, watching them try to find anything to fill the time.
Gaz talks while they watch. He tells Johnny about certain inmates’ personalities, tells him who’s someone else’s bitch, tells him how to spot a conflict they actually need to step in and de-escelate. Johnny listens intently, even if his mind wanders during some of the more boring explanations.
Eventually, when Gaz’s voice has gone flat and Johnny has stopped asking clarifying questions, the conversation moves into stories about their military days.
Johnny learns that he and Gaz had just barely missed each other several times. He learns that the other man knows Price too - and that they’re closer than Soap had been to his captain - and that Gaz had left instead of being discharged, that he has a sick mother at home to take care of.
When Garrick asks why Johnny left, he hesitates. It would be nothing to explain that his knee has been blown to smithereens, that he’d been discharged because he could hardly walk for weeks, let alone be of any use in combat. Gaz has surely seen worse injuries, just like Johnny has, but there’s still something that makes him pause before explaining.
When he fumbles around an explanation involving his elderly Nan and deadbeat cousins, Gaz only tuts and gives him a sympathetic look, and the conversation moves on. But Johnny’s lie lingers at the back of his mind, like an itch he can’t quite reach between his shoulders.
The day passes… well, not quickly, but not necessarily slowly either, with Gaz by his side. Six-thirty rolls around, and Johnny feels satisfied with his first day. 
He’s walking towards the staff room with Garrick and another officer, Keller, when Graves stops him.
“MacTavish, c’mere for a second.”
Johnny glances at Gaz to see if the man has any idea what their CO could want from him and receives an entirely useless shrug in return. With only a small amount of trepidation, Johnny turns towards Graves and steps into the adjoining hall the other man gestures him towards.
“I need you to stay a bit late,” Graves starts, his expression far from mocking like it had been this morning. “I’ve got an assignment for you. You’ll be paid overtime.”
“Alright,” Johnny says slowly, shifting his weight onto his good foot. He’s more than willing to stay for a little bit of extra money, but there’s something in Graves’ expression that makes him feel like he’s missing something. “What’s the assignment then?”
Graves runs his tongue over his top teeth, then sighs. “Ghost showers on his own - some deal he made with the warden, don’t ask. He can’t be in there with other prisoners, but someone has to watch him to make sure he’s not sharpening another knife from his toothbrush. He’s requested it be you.”
Johnny’s still stuck on toothbrush knife when Graves’ look goes from reluctant to expectant. Then, what he’s said clicks.
“He… requested me?”
“That’s what I said.”
Johnny can’t help but let the skepticism bleed into his expression. “So he gets to request whatever he wants? And he gets it?”
Graves sighs impatiently, like Johnny’s asked him the stupidest question possible. “Ghost makes requests like this for the same reason he showers alone. He’s got some sort of deal with Shepherd that gets whatever he wants, and today what he wants is you. God only knows why, but quite frankly, I have no interest in questioning the man. If you’re so curious, ask him yourself.”
Johnny scowls, not bothering to disguise his expression at all. Graves only manages to get more irritating everytime they speak, and Johnny’s got no patience for dealing with him. “Fine. Where are the showers, then?”
Graves gives him quick directions. “Oh, and you’ll have to stand in the showers with him. You stand just outside, he’ll get the best of you. We’ve lost enough guards that way, and I don’t want to deal with training another newbie.”
“Wait,” Johnny says, stopping Graves before he can walk away. “Did you say in the shower with him?”
Graves scowls at Johnny like he’s something rotten. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of the man already, rook?”
“You just said he’s taken out multiple guards!” Johnny defends.
Graves rolls his eyes. “You’ll be fine. Keep your baton and your taser on you, and don’t drop the soap. Simple.” He smirks, giving Johnny a patronizing look. “Don’t work yourself up about it.”
Graves walks away before Johnny can say something insulting back, which - as annoying as it is to not have the last word - is probably for the best. Johnny’s hands are already clenched into fists at his side, and even with his very limited job experience he knows punching your boss on your first day would be a mistake.
Still, the sight of Graves swaggering away before Johnny can say something equally rude to him is bitter, the implication that Johnny is a coward is even more so. He can’t wipe the scowl from his face as he heads to solitary confinement, the tension in his spine only growing. 
Rudy is still on duty when he arrives, not looking any different than he had that morning, and not moved an inch from where Johnny had last seen him.
“Hey, what’re you doin’ back in this wing?” Parra asks, his lips lifting in a smile as he stands from the wall to greet Johnny. 
“Graves sent me to take Riley to the shower,” Johnny explains, rolling his eyes in what he hopes comes off as more I-hate-extra-work than I-hate-our-boss. 
“He’s got you on that now?” Rudy lifts his brows, glancing over at the cell door like he’s looking at Ghost. “Well, better you than me - truth be told, he always creeped me out a bit. You got your cuffs?”
Johnny dangles them from his pointer finger and Rudy nods, moving forward to unlock the cell door.
“Alright, you know the deal, Ghost. Back of the cell, facing the wall,” Rudy calls out, his tone not changed at all from the way he had spoken to Johnny. He watches through the eye-level window for a few long moments, then grunts, satisfied, and swings open the door. 
Part of Johnny is still expecting to see an empty cell, even knowing that Parra had just watched Riley. But sure enough, there Simon Riley stands at the back, facing the wall.
The cell is smaller with him in it. Ghost is all filthy jumpsuit and broad back, nothing but a pale neck and buzzed blond hair from what Johnny can see. There’s hardly a foot between the top of his head and the ceiling, and if he were to lift both his arms he’d be able to touch each wall with the palms of his hands.
He holds perfectly still, hands tucked behind his back, and he’s still one of the most threatening people Johnny’s ever seen. The air around him feels rotted, like the very atoms of oxygen are saying stay away, this one’s dangerous.
Unfortunately, Johnny doesn’t have the luxury of listening to his instincts. He steps forward with feigned confidence and snaps the suddenly pathetic looking cuffs around wide wrists with as little hesitation as he can manage. When Johnny steps back, Ghost turns with him and takes a step forward.
If he was intimidating from the back, he’s terrifying from the front.
He’s got a wide jaw and a heavy brow, with a crooked nose and thin lips. He’s got stripes of nearly white skin across his cheeks and neck, little scars that are at all different stages of fading. His eyes are brown, and the dark lighting in the room combined with his deep-set eye sockets make him almost look like he doesn’t have any at all. 
His face is flat, still, and unexpresive. Something about the complete lack of expression is more intimidating than the half a foot and hundred extra pounds of muscle he’s got compared to Johnny. 
But Johnny’s far from inexperienced in putting on a brave front when facing something dangerous, and he doesn’t let Ghost see how shaken he is. He fixes a scowl on his face and steps out of the cell, unclipping his baton and using it to point down the hall. “You know the way.”
Riley’s head tilts, like he’s considering whether or not he should listen, and he gives Johnny’s body a long, invasive look. It takes every ounce of training he’s had not to flinch or try to adjust his stance.
A long, silent moment later, Ghost steps out of the cell and begins the walk to the showers. Johnny is close behind him, baton in his palm and muscles locked, ready for anything the prisoner might try.
Once he’s sure they’re far enough away that Parra won’t hear, Johnny says, “You pull some shit like you did this morning ever again and I’ll break your fuckin’ knees.”
Ghost is silent, his steps unfaltering. Johnny scowls behind his back, frustration quickly building. “Ye hear me? It won’t be your buddy Shepherd you deal with next time, it’ll be me. Whatever deal you’ve cut with him won’t matter then.”
Again, silence. Johnny scoffs when he realizes he’s not getting a response, poking the butt of his baton into the small of Ghost’s back to urge him on a little faster.
Johnny’s lip curls as he swings the door open, turning his body enough to allow Riley plenty of room through. The man still brushes his arm along Johnny’s chest, and it’s a conscious effort to keep his breath from hitching.
When Johnny follows Ghost into the showers, letting the door slam shut behind him, Ghost looks back at him and raises a brow. The look is distinctly unamused, and Johnny glares as he leans against the wall, trying to make himself seem confident and assured.
“I’m here to make sure you don’t kill yourself or plan to kill someone else. That means I’m not leavin’ this room while you’re in it,” he gripes, undoing Ghost’s cuffs with just a bit more roughness than strictly necessary. When Ghost’s look doesn’t change from that who the fuck do you think you are expression, Johnny smiles rudely up at him. “Get over it. You’ve got nothing I haven’t seen before.”
Ghost blows a sharp breath through his nose, maintaining his silence as he takes a step further into the room and begins to undress.
Somehow, Riley almost seems bigger without clothes. Every pale bit of skin exposed only serves to reassure the voice in the back of Johnny’s head screaming danger!. He’s muscular, but his entire body is covered in a layer of fat that only serves to make him seem bigger, stronger. 
When he turns towards Johnny, every single part of the officer’s mind is screaming at him to run .
Ghost sets off Johnny’s flight reaction like nothing in life ever has before. He’d never once thought to run from a terrorist, or a bomb, or any sort of combat situation. Now, standing with a baton in hand in front of an unarmed man, he feels the distinct urge to fucking flee .
It only makes him more determined to plant his feet and stand strong. If he can face down crazed terrorists, he can sure as hell face one convict. 
Johnny’s careful to avoid looking between his legs when he kicks his pants off. He very intentionally keeps his eyes locked on Ghost’s chest, unwilling to look away but equally unwilling to examine the larger man any more intently than he already has. 
Ghost stands completely still, naked as the day he was born, for a few long seconds. Then he smirks, blows another sharp breath through his nose, and turns away. 
Johnny doesn’t move from his spot by the entrance. He’s still firmly in the showers like Graves told him to be, but across the room from Ghost as he chooses the shower head furthest away from him. He faces the wall and because he’s so far away, Johnny gets a full view of his body. His back is as scarred as his face had been, but instead of clean and thin scars there are burns and gnarled marks he recognizes as gunshot wounds.
To Johnny’s relief, Ghost doesn’t take his time. He’s quick to cover his body in soap and rinse it off, hardly taking any time to scrub himself clean at all. Somehow it doesn’t surprise Johnny that this man doesn’t care much about his own hygiene.
He’s turning the old faucet off hardly five minutes after turning it on. When he turns around, Johnny quite can’t look away before he sees that his cock is half-hard, thick between his legs and almost curving upwards, but it’s almost like he’s too heavy for it to fully lift.
Ghost’s face is still set in that flat, deadpan expression as he begins to stride towards Johnny, completely ignoring his pile of clothes. Johnny scowls, standing up from the wall and straightening. “What do you think you’re-?”
Ghost’s hand is around his throat before he can finish, slamming him back into the tile wall. Johnny’s head cracks against it and his scalp presses into the grout..
“Why do you talk so fucking much?” Riley hisses, nose to nose. His body presses against Johnny’s, soaking the front of his uniform. “Didn’t anybody ever shut you up?”
Johnny can’t help but be offended as he raises the baton and slams it into Riley’s side - he hasn’t rambled nearly as much as he had on missions, here he’s downright quiet - but the bigger man just eats the blow. Johnny feels like he’s hit a punching bag, like Ghost won't be hurt no matter how hard he hits.
When Johnny slams the baton into his side again, Ghost’s free hand rips the taser from his belt. He can’t help but make an aborted growl, but one flex of Riley’s hand silences him completely.
Ghost holds the taser between them, letting it hover just a few inches from Johnny’s neck, and presses the trigger to let the electricity dance. Johnny doesn’t flinch, only struggles and glares. When Riley smiles, Johnny swings for his head.
It’s nothing short of humiliating, how quickly Riley has him fully trapped. It seems to take the same amount of effort for the prisoner to throw Johnny’s taser to the side and rip his baton from his hand as it had for him to shower - almost none. 
“You gonna be good, or am I gonna have to get mean?” The larger man growls, tapping the baton against Johnny’s hip and bearing down on him. Like this, with the way Ghost towers over him, Johnny feels completely covered by the man. The overhead lights are blocked out by his body, and Johnny is completely in his shadow.
He strains back towards the wall, manages to get just enough pressure off of his throat to gasp, “Fuhck- yew-”.
Riley’s answering smile is sharp, cruel. “Beg me properly and you might just get what you want.”
Johnny’s face twists in rage, but before he can do anything in retaliation, Ghost slams the baton into his right knee and releases his throat.
Johnny’s vision whites out as he falls to the floor, the tile unforgiving against his knees. His ears are ringing when he can see again, and it takes him a moment to realize it’s from the echo of his own shout in the room. 
He only manages to get one foot beneath him when Riley locks a hand in his mohawk, tightening his fingers and twisting until Johnny’s pulling away with a wince. He forces the smaller man’s head to the wall then steps closer, so his feet bracket either one of his knees. His neck is wrenched at an uncomfortable angle, Ghost pushing him down so he’s bent backwards with a sharp arch in his spine.
“Fuckin’ bastard,” Johnny hisses, face still screwed up in pain as Ghost presses his hips forward, his damp and quickly hardening cock sliding against Johnny’s cheek.
There’s a low chuckle from above him, and Johnny twists his head to the side, baring his teeth to bite-
The baton presses against his throat, just below his Adam's apple. 
“Keep your teeth covered or I’ll knock ‘em out,” Ghost growls, pressing hard enough for Johnny to choke on his next breath of air. He closes his mouth tight, grimacing as he feels a few strands of hair pulled out of his scalp. “Good.”
The praise chafes against his skin and Johnny opens his eyes just enough to glare up at Ghost, hands pressed against his thighs.
Ghost grins down at him, all sharp teeth and malice. “You gonna put up a little fight? I got no problem knocking you out and using you when you’re all limp and quiet. That how you want your friends to find you? Want them to see you fuckin’ ruined?”
Johnny’s fingers flex around the muscle of Ghost’s thigh, but he doesn’t push him away. There’s no doubt which one of them is stronger, especially with Johnny’s knee screaming in pain beneath him. 
If the military taught him anything, it taught him to endure. As much as it frustrates him to lean into the wall behind him, to not rip Riley’s balls right off his body and bite his dick off, Johnny knows that isn’t the right choice here. 
“Good,” Ghost rumbles, the hand in Johnny’s hair loosening fractionally. Not enough to really relieve any pain, but enough to be noticeable. “Might keep you around. Fuck this pretty mouth whenever I want.”
“Just get it over with,” Johnny hisses, swallowing and wincing when the baton presses against his throat more harshly for a moment.
“Eager,” Ghost hums. 
Luckily he doesn’t say anything else, just tugs Johnny’s head back a little more and presses the tip of his cock against his lips. Johnny can’t help the way he winces when Ghost pushes into his face. He can’t bring himself to let his lips part, can’t give even another inch when it already feels like Ghost has taken a mile.
There’s an annoyed huff from above him, and Ghost’s hand leaves his hair to pinch Johnny’s nose shut harshly. His eyes fly wide open, staring up at the man in shock, and his shoulders curve in an effort to let him pull away from the unexpected pain. 
“Open up, c’mon.” Ghost’s hips move leisurely back and forth, sliding the ruddy head of his cock along Johnny’s lips and over his cheeks, covering him in sticky pre-cum. No matter how much he thrashes and tries to pull away, Ghost’s fingers only squeeze tighter and follow him.
Johnny holds out for as long as he can, but eventually the burning in his lungs gets to be too much and his lips part - hardly an inch - to let him breathe deeply. As soon as he hears the inhale, Ghost’s hand flies from Johnny’s nose back to his head, shoving his face forward until his mouth is stuffed.
He chokes immediately, eyes flying wide open. It’s not that Johnny’s unfamiliar with something in his mouth, it’s that Riley’s cock is so large he can barely open his jaw wide enough to let him in. He feels like a snake, except instead of swallowing his prey, his jaw is forced to unhinge for another man’s pleasure.
“That’s it,” Riley hisses, ignoring the sick gluck-gluck sounds as he pulls back and pushes his way in farther. “Fuckin’ take it.”
Johnny nearly chokes on bile, lungs heaving as he tries to breathe around the intrusion inside his throat. Ghost has no sympathy for his struggle, doesn’t give him any time to adjust as he lodges himself firmly inside the channel of Johnny’s throat.
Tears stream from Johnny’s eyes, from both humiliation and the strain of being face-fucked. Every time he tries to close his eyes, to let himself drift away even a bit, the hand in his hair tightens far past the point of pain. Ghost doesn’t speak to him again, but the heat in his eyes and the angry snarl of his lips tells Johnny exactly what he wants - eye contact and Johnny’s pain. 
The only mercy is that Ghost doesn’t last long. Johnny isn’t fully cognizant enough to try and keep track of how long the violation lasts, but it can’t be more than a few minutes. Johnny can see the way Riley’s chest heaves as he gets closer, the way his shoulders hunch and the way his hips work in faster, shorter thrusts to get himself off.
He comes in long, thick spurts straight down Johnny’s throat. Another mercy - he doesn’t have to taste it, doesn’t have to do anything more than let his throat work in instinctive swallows to keep the foreign liquid from choking him.
Ghost isn’t quite panting when he finishes, but it’s a close thing. He’s leaning over Johnnt enough that every time he breathes in, the curve of his stomach covers the bottom part of his face from Johnny’s view.
Once he’s drained himself dry, he pulls his cock back enough that just the head of it rests behind Johnny’s teeth, the whole length of him softening.
Just as Johnny begins to wonder what the fuck he’s doing, why this nightmare hasn’t ended, Ghost sighs and rolls his head back on his neck, looking up at the ceiling. Another breath later, a sour taste begins to flood Johnny’s mouth.
He’s tearing away and sputtering as soon as he realizes what’s happening, throwing his head back against the tile so the warm stream of piss hits his neck instead, pouring down his chest instead of his mouth. He can’t throw himself to the side, only succeeding in hurting his neck when he tries because of the iron grip Ghost has on his mohawk.
“What-” he gasps, teary eyes wide as he stares up at Ghost. “What the fu- what the fuck is wrong with you?!”
Riley scowls down at him like he’s done something completely unreasonable, jerking his soft cock slowly as he continues to piss. The hand on Johnny’s head tries to force him down again, but he fights back this time and manages to only catch a few drops on his chin instead of having his mouth forced back onto the man’s dick.
“Fuckin’ brat,” Ghost scowls, pointing himself straight at the bit of chest exposed by Johnny’s shirt as he finishes. The rancid stench is heavy in the warm air, choking Johnny. “Figured you’d need a reminder of your place. Clearly I was right.”
Johnny’s seething, every muscle made tense from his anger as he flushes dark. “You evil fuckin’ bastard,” he hisses.
There’s a single, sharp laugh above him as Ghost finally - finally - steps away, beginning to pull his jumpsuit back on as if absolutely nothing is amiss. Johnny doesn’t shift from his spot on the floor but to move as much weight as possible off his right knee, wincing at the horrible pain of it.
Before he can work himself up to standing, Ghost is stepping closer to him and turning the faucet above his head. Immediately, a shower of cold water pours onto Johnny’s form.
His gasp is loud as he rockets up, stumbling back into the wall when his bad leg won’t take his weight. The water is freezing cold as it drenches him, and his fingertips go numb in seconds. His mohawk goes limp from the water, the gel he usually uses to keep it neat melting away and leaving his hair to fall in front of his eyes.
He’s panting when he finally lifts his head, body adjusting to the cold. He pushes his hair back and away from his face, cringing at the wet thud of it against the shaved sides of his head as he slams his other hand into the wall, desperately looking for the faucet.
When he finally finds it, he jerks it to off, nearly heaving as he shivers against the tile.
“What the hell,” he whispers, staring wide-eyed across the room. He can’t tell what’s real and not anymore, can’t tell if this is just one of his bad nightmares, or if an inmate really skull-fucked him, pissed in his mouth, then dumped water on his head.
He blinks slowly, dumbly, before he drags his eyes over to where Ghost stands a few steps away, arms crossed and handcuffs held loosely in one hand. When Johnny only stares at him silently, Ghost lifts an eyebrow. “Well?”
Johnny’s jaw drops, leaving him gaping like a fish. “What?”
“You want to see Parra still stinkin’ of piss? You’re fuckin’ welcome.”
Johnny can’t do anything but stare.
———————————————————————
The walk to the bus stop is long and miserable. Even though it’s not raining, Johnny is soaked to the bone just like the day before, and he limps down the cracked sidewalk at nearly a snail’s pace. 
His leg hasn’t hurt this badly since he first got out of the hospital, and although his eyes won’t focus and he still feels off-kilter, he can’t help but be glad he’s late enough for all the prisoners to have left the rec yard. There’s no one to see his walk of shame.
His mind wanders from thought to thought, willing to land on anything that doesn’t make him think of what happened less than an hour ago. He flinches physically every time his thoughts shift in that direction, the reality of it too raw to examine.
His knee burns and feels like it must have tripled in size, his pant leg tight from the swelling. The sound of his shoe scraping on the concrete is like nails against a chalkboard.
He can still taste the piss in his mouth.
On the bus, the driver seems to go out of his way to hit every pothole and speed bump as roughly as he can. Every jerk of Johnny’s knee against the wall brings him a little closer to tears.
He hasn’t felt so out of control in a long time. He can’t control his pain, can’t control his body (his hands shake, his breath shakes, it feels like his goddamn heart shakes), and he can’t stop remembering how Ghost had blocked out all the light in the room, how he’d forced Johnny down and taken the reins, how he’d-
He’s not sure he’ll make it home without losing his lunch.
In the end, he only barely manages it. He stumbles near his trailer, nearly loses his balance and only keeps it because the idea of falling to his knees sounds worse than death, and retches into the overgrown grass.
He brushes his teeth more times than he can count. The last time he vomits, there’s nothing left to come up but stomach acid and spit.
——————————————————————— 
Gaz does a double take when he sees Johnny the next morning, eyes widening in what would be comical shock if Johnny felt any less like a dead man walking.
“Shit, what happened to you, mate?” Gaz attempts a smile as he stands at his cubby, but can’t quite keep the concern off his face. “Rough night out?”
Johnny’s cheek is almost bloody from how hard he’s biting it. “Something like that,” he manages to mutter, his voice gravelly and hoarse. 
Gaz gives him a look, like he wants to push for more, but luckily he drops it. “Well, it’s a good thing you’re with me today. We’ll keep you in some quieter areas until that hangover goes, yeah?”
Johnny just grunts and follows Gaz out of the staff room, not bothering to correct his assumption.
———————————————————————
“MacTavish!” Graves calls, stepping between Gaz and Johnny while they’re both locking up their weapons for the night. “You’re on overtime again tonight,” he says, slapping Johnny’s shoulder with a forced familiarity before turning away, already moving on.
“No,” Johnny spits, the word flying from his mouth before he can even fully register what Graves has just told him. His lip curls at just the thought, and he feels the saliva in his mouth thickening.
Graves stops in his tracks, throwing a look of confusion and annoyance over his shoulder. “No? C’mon, Officer, I know you want to go home, but just suck up the extra hour-”
“No,” Johnny repeats, his voice a little too loud and a little too harsh in the otherwise silent room. “I’m clocking out. Find someone else.”
Graves turns fully towards them now, eyes narrowing when he sees Johnny’s resolve. He picks up on Gaz’s confusion beside him, but the other man shifts closer and Johnny knows he’s on his side.
“You don’t get to say no to something like this, MacTavish.” Graves’ voice has taken on a harsher edge, and it’s the most authoritative Johnny’s heard the man since he got the job. Still, it’s not anywhere near intimidating enough to convince him.
Johnny hikes his chin in the air a bit, glaring down his nose at his CO. “Overtime is optional, right? I’m not taking it. My shift ended ten minutes ago. I’m going home.”
Graves shakes his head before turning and stepping away. “I’ll have to tell the warden. Not a good impression to make in your first week, rook. You hated looking at Ghost’s ugly ass that much, huh?” He scoffs like Johnny’s a fool, and lets the door slam shut behind him.
Johnny ducks away from Gaz before they can walk out to the parking lot together and hugs the grimey toilet bowl in the staff bathroom, losing what little lunch he’d been able to stomach. The sky is dark with rain clouds when he steps outside.
———————————————————————
The next day, Johnny is stopped by the warden himself before he can even clock in. 
“MacTavish,” Shepherd grunts, barely leaning out of his office. “Come see me.”
“I need to clock in, sir,” Johnny says, gesturing to the nearly broken machine set on an old folding table.
“See me first,” Shepherd says, ducking into his office without any other explanation.
Johnny’s knee is miles better than it had been the day before, but it’s still more difficult than it should be to cover his limp as he heads to Shepherd’s office. The brace he’s worn the last few days helps somewhat, but really only helps keep him from getting stiff or overextending.
“Close the door behind you, son,” Shepherd says when Johnny joins him, already settled behind his desk. He mimics the same position he had when Johnny had first sat in front of him - leaned back, hands folded over his stomach, chin tilted towards his chest.
“Am I in trouble, sir?” Johnny asks after shutting the door, lowering himself slowly into the uncomfortable chair. He can’t help but wonder if it would’ve been smarter to stay standing, if this is a we won’t need you here again sort of meeting that he’ll want to get out quickly.
“Not yet,” Shepherd says after a heavy silence, tilting his head to the side. “Graves tells me you refused overtime last night.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And why is that?”
He manages not to flinch, but just barely. “I was tired, sir. Just wanted to get home and get some rest.”
Shepherd’s expression stays flat, but there’s an unimpressed spark in his eye. “And it’s got absolutely nothing to do with what your overtime task was, then?”
Johnny wants to bristle, wants to bite back, but he keeps himself under control. “I find inmate Riley… unpleasant to be around. To put it lightly. Sir.”
Shepherd scoffs, rolling his eyes and leaning forward. “Every damn person in this prison is unpleasant to be around, boy. That doesn’t mean you blow off orders and come and go whenever you please.”
Now Johnny does sit a little straighter in his chair, insulted. “I’ve stayed for my entire shift every day I’ve worked for you.”
“That’s not much to brag about, MacTavish, you haven’t even been here half a week.”
Johnny takes a deep breath, reminding himself just how badly he needs this job. “I’m not required to take overtime, sir, and I believe my job performance has been satisfactory otherwise. Is that all?”
Shepherd’s eyes narrow, and Johnny knows they’re both thinking the same thing - were they still in the military, that kind of talk from a subordinate wouldn’t fly. But despite their shared past, they’re not in that environment any more - Johnny’s behavior isn’t insuboridnate here, and they both know it.
Shepherd takes a long moment to respond, setting his still-linked hands on his desk and leaning his weight onto them.  “No. You’re right in saying that overtime isn’t required. But I’m looking for employees who show dedication to their job and an ambition to grow in this career. So far, I’m not getting either of those things from you. I need guards who are willing to go the extra mile, not guards who can’t stay an hour after their shift to watch one goddamn man shower.”
Johnny takes a deep, stabilizing breath. Shepherd's tone is harsh, mean, and damn near identical to every CO Johnny had in the service. Before he can argue his case, the warden speaks again.
“Listen, I understand that you’re still adjusting to civilian life. I’m not cruel.” He spreads his hads in front of him, open and inviting. “I’ll give you grace. But I need men who are willing to listen when I give them an order. If that’s not you, then I think it’s best you start looking for another job.”
Johnny’s eyes shut for a moment against his will, and the breath that’s punched out of him has a distinctly defeated air to it. “Alright. Alright, I understand what you’re saying, sir.” He swallows thickly, working the words past his throat. “It won’t happen again.”
Shepherd nods, something vaguely understanding in his expression. “Good. Overtime is time and a half pay, so you’ll be well-compensated.”
Well-compensated. The words sound vile in Johnny’s mind, and he wants to kick and scream and say nothing could compensate for what that man did to me .
“Is that all, sir?”
“Yes. Dismissed, Officer.”
Johnny nods, standing and taking quick steps to the door.
“MacTavish?” Shepherd calls out, just before his hand lands on the doorknob.
Johnny doesn’t turn before responding. “Yes, sir?”
“It’ll get easier, son.”
Now Johnny turns, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Shepherd is leaning back in his chair again, but now there’s something almost pitying in his expression. Something vaguely sympathetic.
Johnny leaves the office without responding. He worries if he opens his mouth, he’ll just start screaming.
———————————————————————
Overtime doesn’t get any easier. In fact, every day Johnny’s forced to watch Ghost shower it gets more and more difficult to ignore the voice inside his head screaming to run, regardless of all the arguments he’s made that tell him he has to stay.
The first day back, he’d tried to tase Ghost when the other man came toward him. He’d had his baton in one hand, the taser in the other, but he’d quickly learned that Ghost’s sheer size made him an almost impossible opponent to fight - the taser was knocked out of his hand before he could’ve even reached Ghost with it, and the baton went just as quickly. 
Johnny had thrown a sloppy punch towards Ghost’s face and had only gotten a mean laugh in return. 
“Got a little more fight in you today, huh?” Riley had hissed, their faces pressed so close together that Johnny could feel his breath. “You can kick and scream all you want, boy, but this still ends the same way.”
The second day, he’d thought about not going into the shower and instead standing in the hallway and getting the drop on Ghost. But he’d glanced up and seen a little blinking red light, a camera, in the corner between the wall and the ceiling and knew that he wouldn’t know what to do with himself were he to lose, and Ghost assaulted him on camera. So he followed the priosner into the showers, feeling like a man sent to the gallows.
He’d tried to bite Riley’s dick before he could choke on it that day. At the first scrape of teeth, Ghost had shoved his thumbs into Johnny’s mouth and hooked them between his molars, holding his head still like that instead of by the hair. Johnny had nearly choked on his own vomit, and his lips were numb for what felt like hours after.
The third day, Johnny kneels before Riley can knock him down. He’s already worried something is seriously wrong with his bad knee, and Ghost hadn’t spared it at all. Gaz had asked if he was alright that morning after seeing him limp, and had offered to bring a knee brace he kept at home - Johnny hadn’t bothered to tell him he was already weaing one. He can’t afford to take a day off because he can’t walk, so he kneels and pretends the small submission doesn’t choke him.
Defeat is bitter on his tongue as Johnny watches surprise mingle with satisfaction when Ghost watches him lower himself. He only stays on one knee, unwilling to put any weight whatsoever on his right knee, and Ghost - miraculously - allows it. 
When he stands in front of Johnny and strokes himself to full hardness, he mutters quietly, “Knew you were a fuckin’ faggot.”
Johnny’s flinch is hidden by his reaction to Ghost’s cock being unceremoniously stuffed into his mouth. This time once he’s finished himself off and made sure to let every drop of his come drip down Johnny’s throat, he steps to the side to relieve himself instead of using him as a urinal. Johnny’s almost ashamed of how grateful he finds himself feeling.
On Sunday, his first day off, Johnny leaves his bed exactly once. He gets up, pisses, and lays right back down with a pillow elevating his leg. He sleeps fitfully for nearly 12 hours and wakes up nauseous, only just choking back bile before ruining his floors. His Nan calls twice and leaves two voicemails when he doesn’t answer.
On Monday, Ghost is let out of solitary confinement.
———————————————————————
A full day of rest has done Johnny’s knee a world full of good.
While still not fully recovered, he doesn’t feel sick when he tries to walk without a limp anymore. The brace helps him with that, and with Riley coming out of solitary Johnny can’t help but hope that he’ll have a chance to truly recover a bit.
He tells himself that he can put his hellish first week in the past now. Ghost is out of solitary, which means Johnny will have a better shot at avoiding him and sticking with the other guards.
Monday morning, Graves reassigns him from genpop to protective custody. It’s the first time he’ll be separated from Gaz for any length of time, but Johnny’s too high on his sudden distance from Ghost to care too much. If anything, this gives him a better chance to bond with other guards.
His hopes don’t quite come true - all the guards working in protective custody are quiet, with no interest in talking to each other, let alone a new guy. The silence isn’t unbearable for the first few hours, but Johnny already knows that multiple days spent with people so unwilling to respond to anything he says would drive him crazy.
It’s after lunch, when he leads ten prisoners from the cafeteria back to their cells with another guard tailing them, that everything goes wrong.
While Johnny almost has the layout for the prison memorized, there are still moments he gets turned around or confused. And having only been to the section of the prison with PC cells once - that same morning - Johnny’s not the most confident on how to get them back. He takes a left turn instead of a right, and for some godforsaken reason, the other guard doesn’t correct him.
Instead of turning into the large protective custody dayroom where prisoners spend their time when they’re not locked in their cells, Johnny turns into the general population dayroom.
He hardly has time to realize what a monumental mistake he’s made before he and every person following behind him is swarmed by prisoners. 
Johnny’s knocked to the ground by one of the largest men as he dives for someone behind him, and his wrist is nearly crushed beneath a filthy white shoe when he reaches for his taser. The prisoners all but stampede him in an effort to swarm the men from protective custody, and Johnny can hardly see through the sea of legs.
Someone trips over his good knee and falls to the ground beside him. On instinct, Johnny lunges for him, trying to push himself up off the floor in the space the other man has created. But before he can get more than one foot under him, that same prisoner tackles him back to the ground and wraps a hand around his throat.
This time, when Johnny swings his baton at the man’s side full force, he falls to the ground and curls into a ball. The commotion around him is nearly deafening, and only growing louder and louder as guards get involved to try and pull the prisoners off of one another. He can see several men fall to the ground, shouting from the pain of being tased.
Johnny’s just barely managed to get to his feet when the prisoner in front of him throws himself to the side, and he only has a split second to register that the black blur swinging towards his head is a baton before everything goes black.
———————————————————————
Johnny wakes, hours later, to a dull pain in his head and a parched throat. 
He groans as he rolls his head, tongue darting out to try and wet his lips as he squeezes his eyes tight against the pain. His mouth feels like it’s stuffed with cotton and his tongue feels swollen. While his head feels like there’s a person trying to crack him open down the middle, there’s something soft around the edges of his consciousness, something that makes him feel like he’s floating on a cloud instead of laying on a thin mattress.
As more of his senses start coming back, he realizes where he recognizes the soft feeling from - his last stay in the hospital. The fuzzy feeling in his head, the total lack of any emotion that isn’t contentedness, the steady beeping to his side, and the way his bad knee feels completely normal all tell Johnny that he’s higher than a kite on pain meds.
His nose scrunches when he tries to open his eyes for the first time, some uncomfortable crust making them itchy and heavy. He lifts one hand to clumsily paw at his face, only making him itch more as he rubs the crust into his own skin.
Somewhere in the room, he hears a door open and close quietly. He blinks quickly to try and clear his vision, but can only recognize the man when he steps right to Johnny’s bedside.
“Ghost…?” He murmurs, his voice cracking. 
The man above him hums quietly. He sets one hand on the railing of Johnny’s bed and leans in close, bringing his face into full focus as he hovers less than a foot above Johnny’s face. One of his big hands comes up to Johnny’s face, swiping roughly over his eyes and clearing the gunk from them.
“Well, look’it you,” he says, voice low and quiet. “High as a kite. Got yourself in some trouble, huh Officer?”
Johnny scowls - or well, he means too, but he can’t quite feel his face move into the expression - and clumsily bats Ghost away. The older man stands back up with a quiet laugh, reaching to the side and above Johnny for something.
“Not m’fault,” he slurs, trying to twist and follow Ghost’s arm. “Should’a… shouldn’ta… mmph.” His voice trails off, whatever defense he’d been about to use floating away from him. “‘S not m’fault.”
“Yeah, you said that already,” Ghost says. Johnny can see now that he’s holding a clipboard, scanning over the information and flipping between the top page and the one beneath it. “John MacTavish, hm? Johnny. Fits you.”
“Tha’s me,” Johnny says, and now he can really feel the way his lips tug up. “Only Nan calls me tha’ though.”
“What, Johnny?”
“Hmm.” 
Ghost is silent for a long moment, and Johnny’s eyes begin to droop again. He feels obscenely comfortable, more comfortable than he even does in his own home these days. Even with Riley looming over him, he can’t bring himself to feel much more than tired .
He can hear Ghost rummaging around beside him, but doesn’t bother to look and see what’s going on. His eyelids flutter when a moment later the bed sinks with Ghost’s weight, but even that is hardly enough for Johnny to bother moving. 
“Hey,” Ghost says, his voice a tad louder than it had been before. Johnny moans low in his throat, tossing his head on the pillow in a distinctly whiney way. 
“Hey,” Ghost repeats again, and a moment later there’s a sharp tapping at the side of his face, a calloused palm clearly trying to get his attention.
“Whaaat?” Johnny groans, tilting his head away from the hand and only opening his eyes enough to glare at Ghost. He bats at the hand and manages to grip it loosely, tugging it away from his face. He hardly notices when it shifts to rest over his pec, fingertips resting high on his side.
“Don't pass out on me, now,” Ghost commands. “I think this’ll be more fun if you’re awake.”
“What’re ya…” Johnny slurs, trailing off when Ghost turns closer towards him and sets both hands on his hips. “What’re you… doin’?”
“Quiet.”
Johnny makes a pouty sound, but he doesn’t move to stop Riley as he hooks his hands in Johnny’s pants, tugging harshly a few times until they rest around his knees. He leaves his boxers on, takes a second to snap the elastic band against Johnny’s sensitive stomach and huff a laugh when Johnny squirms.
Ghost makes a small sound that Johnny doesn’t put any effort into identifying, and then suddenly cups his cunt with a large hand. The way Johnny squeaks would be embarrassing, if he still had the capacity to be embarrassed. Instead he only squirms in place, trying to wriggle up and getting nowhere.
“Don’t tell me…” Ghost trails off, his fingers burrowing between Johnny’s lips and feeling him up thoroughly. “No kiddin’. You’re not even a real faggot, Johnny?”
The sound that slips from Johnny’s lips is pathetic, and he shoots Ghost the best glare he can manage while the machine beside them slowly beeps more and more quickly. “D’nt call me tha’...”
Ghost raises an eyebrow, shifting up and to the side so he’s between Johnny’s legs. “You’re not a fag then? Got a nice fat cunt here, MacTavish, you tellin’ me you’re a woman?”
“Nooooo,” he moans, trying to shut his knees but only squeezing Ghost closer. “‘M not… ‘m not either….”
The sound that comes from Ghost is distinctly mocking, and Johnny’s chest tightens. “Really? I can feel you gettin’ all wet even through the boxers, you’re one of them.”
Johnny hums a negative, digging his head back into the pillow. Ghost ignores him completely, and tugs his hand away for only a second before stuffing it fully down the front of his boxers. “C’mon then, Johnny, you answer me - you a faggot, or a woman?”
Johnny’s breath grows heavier as Ghost grinds his palm against his t-cock, hips working in small motions as his body takes over. He moans a little, one hand lifting to grip Ghost’s forearm.
There’s another, sharper sensation in his face, the other cheek this time. It hardly registers as painful - more as rude - but it’s enough for Johnny to blink up at Ghost. 
“Don’t keep me waiting,” he growls, flipping his hand to pinch Johnny’s cock between two of his knuckles, squeezing until Johnny wheezes.
“F-fag! A fag,” He gasps, just barely remembering what Ghost had asked. “Not-not a woman, y’can’t… can’t call me tha’...”
Ghost coos, lessening the pressure between his two fingers. “Cute, Johnny, but I’ll call you whatever I please.”
Before Johnny can gather enough focus to reply, Ghost twists his hand again and stuffs two of his thick fingers inside of Johnny’s leaking hole with no warning.
Johnny keens, just barely louder than the suddenly racing beep-beep-beep echoing in the room. When he tries to close his legs again, tries to hide from Ghost’s assault, the older man tugs one of his knees higher on his side, leaning forward and forcing Johnny to stay spread.
There’s no real discomfort or pain - either because he’s slick with his body’s betrayal or because of the painkillers, Johnny’s not sure - and when Ghost angles his palm the right way, fingers stroking just so inside of him, Johnny melts into the pillows with a whorish moan.
“Oh, is that it? That the spot?”
Johnny feels like there’s something he should be upset about, something in Ghost’s tone that scrapes at his mind, but he can’t think past the warmth slowly spreading through his abdomen. The best he manages is a quiet sound of agreement, hips working in lazy thrusts to try and get more more more. He hardly notices when Ghost slips a third finger inside him.
“Open your eyes, Johnny, c’mon.”
It’s only the sudden fourth finger, the slight hint of a burn at his center, that has Johnny blearily blinking up at Ghost. His fingers tighten only painfully in the sheets as he tries desperately to grind himself to orgasm. Riley hooks Johnny’s leg a little higher on his hip, pressing his hips to the back of his thighs.
“There y’are,” he grunts, leaning close so his face is all Johnny can see. “Fuck, you’re gone, aren’t ya? Bet you can’t even tell I’m stretchin’ you. Waste of my fuckin’ time then, huh?”
“N-” Johnny hiccups, his back arching as Ghost’s fingers slip from his hole, moving instead to undo his own belt. “No, please, y’can’t…”
“Can’t what?” Ghost asks sharply, snapping his belt off and pulling his fat cock out. “Y’don’t even know what you’re beggin’ for, little cock dumb slut. Not good for much else than bein’ my hole, huh?”
“Stop,” Johnny gasps, trying to coordinate his limbs enough to at least try and shove Ghost off, only really succeeding in resting his hands on the larger man’s biceps. “Tha’s… tha’s fuckin’ mean, y’can’t say that…”
Ghost laughs as he shoves himself inside of Johnny, no mercy and no sympathy. Johnny’s back arches high off the bed, his head thrown back and his eyes screwed shut as Ghost’s hips press flush with Johnny’s thighs in just seconds.
He can’t feel anything but warmth and pressure. He’s reduced into nothing more than a writhing body and his fucked full cunt. His breaths shudder out of him in sharp bursts as his body reckons with something he can’t fully feel.
“Fuck,” Ghost hisses from above him. “Tight little bitch.”
Johnny keens high in his throat, tears springing to his eyes at the terrible mix of degradation pleasure. He feels like he’s drowning in sensation, like he’s desperately trying to keep his head above the water during a hurricane.
He fully stops breathing when Ghost pulls out the first time, struggles to get any air into his lungs when he’s slowly filled again. The tears drip down his temples, mixing with the sweat already dampening his skin.
“Bet you hate this, huh?” Riley pants, hips beginning to truly work against him now, the slap of it loud in the dark room. “You love your little fights, love hissin’ and spittin’ and tellin’ me how much you don’t want it.”
Johnny tries to lick his own lips and wet them, but doesn't manage to tuck his tongue back into his mouth. He’s left panting like a dog, drool dripping down his chin. Ghost nearly growl when he sees, his thumb landing solidly on Johnny’s tongue and holding it down.
“Almost had me convinced,” he says quietly, like a secret shared between just them. “Never saw you get hard. Thought you really might not be a fag, thought a little fuckin’ brat like you havin’ lips like this was just another cruel joke.”
He huffs, somewhere between a grunt and a laugh. “But that wasn’t it, huh? Nah, whatever bastard made you just knew a whore like you would need three holes. Two wouldn’t have been enough, huh? No, whiney little sluts can’t have any less than three.”
Ghost’s words float in and out of Johnny’s head, dripping into his ears and his mouth and immediately melting away. He’s consumed with the burning pleasure in his center, able to think of nothing but reaching the crest of sensation he can practically see.
“Pleathe-!”
“Please what?” Ghost growls, shifting forward. His elbows rest on either side of Johnny’s neck, the smaller man’s knees hiked high on his side, and he starts to really drill into Johnny. “Need it harder, huh Johnny? Want me to get you off, when you’re all pretty and drugged and can’t do shit to stop me?
Johnny whines, trying to draw his tongue out from under Ghost’s thumb. The bigger man only grunts, leaning forward and spitting a wad of saliva onto his tongue. Then he lets Johnny close his mouth, letting him swallow.
“Yeah, there you go,” he breathes, staring between Johnny’s lips and the column of his throat with an intentness Johnny can’t even begin to understand, not with the way his pace doesn’t stutter at all. “Gonna fill you up from both ends, make sure you fuckin’ feel this tomorrow. Might fuck your mouth when you pass out, make sure you’ll fuckin’ breathe me.”
Johnny’s got no idea what’s being said to him, too lost in the way Ghost’s stomach rubs against his cock, the way his body is covered completely, the way his thighs clench around Ghost as tightly as possible and yet the man doesn’t slow at all. Even with his mouth closed, he still drools, can’t stop moaning and panting as Riley forces a space for himself.
“Yeah, just like that, tighten up for me. C’mon, c’mon-”
Johnny’s wail nearly drowns out the way Ghost eggs him on, his body bursting into flames as he’s finally shoved off that edge. He feels everything and nothing, raw and numb, comfortable and wound so tight he’s sure he’s about to snap in half. His throat aches from his volume, but he can do nothing but grab on tight to Ghost’s shoulders and try to ride out his orgasm.
He can’t even tell when Ghost finally comes, only really registers a loud grunt in his ear and the way his hips slow to a stop inside of him. 
Johnny’s already fading when Riley pulls out, would hardly have noticed if he hadn’t seen Ghost standing fully from the bed. He can’t move from where Ghost has left him, his knees splayed wide and leaving his cunt bared to the room. 
He’s too tired to open his eyes, too high on painkillers and ecstasy to care that he can’t. Before long, he’s falling asleep to the obnoxious sound of his heart rate monitor slowing. 
———————————————————————
When Johnny wakes up the next morning, he’s sore and confused.
“Wha’...” he breathes, slowly pushing himself up into a sitting position and rubbing a hand over his face. His head throbs, but that’s far from his biggest concern as he takes stock of his body.
“Oh good, you’re up,” a familiar voice says, and once he clears the sleep dust from his eyes Johnny can see Gaz lounging casually in a chair next to his bed. “Good timing, too, Graves just left.
“Graves?” Johnny asks, clearing his throat when he hears how raspy he sounds. “What the hell happened?”
Gaz raises an eyebrow, leaning forward to grab a watter bottle from the small table beside the hospital bed and offer it to Johnny. There’s a terrible taste in his mouth, and Johnny gratefully takes the bottle and sips from it. “You really don’t remember?”
Johnny’s eyebrows furrow, and he thinks back to the day before.
It all comes back to him quickly once he can work past the pain in his head - his new assignment, the unfriendly other guards, his stupid mistake, and the ensuing brawl. What’s harder to remember is what happened after, what happened when he woke up to a dark room and a guest who’s face he can’t quite see.
There are vague impressions of a man - a large man, a heavy man, he can remember what he felt like on top of Johnny - and the dull ache between Johnny’s legs gives him a good idea of what the man did to him.
It’s hard to keep his breathing even.
Gaz doesn’t seem to notice, rambling on. “Graves is sayin’ you did it intentionally, said some real dumb shit about you, mate. You’re damn lucky you’ve somehow got the warden’s favor - I’ve been here a few years now, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone make a mistake like this and keep their job.”
Johnny groans, throwing himself back onto the mattress. “Thanks, Gaz. Very comforting, you are.”
Gaz laughs, patting Johnny heavily on the shoulder. “Yeah, well, they don’t pay me for my bedside manner. C’mon, they’re kicking you out.”
Johnny lifts his head enough to look at the other man. “Kickin’ me out? Really?”
Gaz gives him a don’t start look, standing and gathering a bag Johnny hadn’t noticed before. “They already let you stay overnight, mate. You’re lucky they gave you a bed at all. Plus, warden gave you the rest of the week off for recovery. You’ve got no room to complain, my friend”
It takes a bit for Johnny to feel steady enough to leave, longer for he and Gaz to make it outside of the prison. He gets nasty looks from several of their coworkers, but he lets their clear irritation slide off his back. As long as he’s got a job, he couldn’t care less what the others think of him.
It’s difficult to get Gaz to let Johnny go home on his own, but once he promises to take it easy for the next few days - and overplays his own exhaustion just a bit - the other officer lets him go after exchanging numbers and making him promise to text if anything changed.
Johnny can’t quite work up the nerve to check between his thighs until he’s in the privacy of his tiny shower. 
He probes at his sore hole with tentative fingers, wincing at the slight sting of pain and resting his forehead against the tile. He only opens his eyes for long enough to recognize the liquid coating his fingers before he lurches out of the shower and kneels above his toilet.
He’s not sure what it says about him that he doesn’t actually vomit - is he just getting used to the constant violation, or is there too much else wrong with him to feel overwhelmed by this?
He doesn’t think about it for long, just lets his stomach settle, quickly cleans himself in the shower, and then buries himself beneath his thin blanket and throws himself into the oblivion of sleep.
———————————————————————
The first day Johnny goes back to work, he decides he has nothing left to do but resign.
It’s a choice he agonizes over every single day he spends cooper up in his small mobile home. This job had come as a blessing, and had only come in the first place because he’d been owed a favor by John Price who’d called in a favor of his own. For all intents and purposes, he should’ve never been lucky enough to get here.
And he’s about to throw it all away.
It’s hard not to feel disappointed in himself, to not say suck it up and get over it . But Johnny’s nightmares have shifted from explosions and gunfire to a weight over his chest and a cock down his throat. He wakes up soaked in sweat and panting, slick between the thighs but shaking with fear. He gets flashes of that night in the med wing sometimes, images of Ghost hovering above him, the feeling of something on his tongue and something else in his cunt.
He can’t handle another violation. 
So walking to the bus stop, the whole ride over, and the walk in, Johnny is thinking about how he’ll manage to quit without offering to serve his two weeks. If worse comes to worst, he figures there’s nothing anybody can do if he just stops showing up.
When he stops by Shepherd’s office and asks for a meeting, he’s confident he won’t even spend an hour in the building. That confidence is crushed the moment Shepherd looks at him with pity instead of frustration.
“MacTavish…” he sighs. “I know what you’re trying to get out of.”
Johnny’s eyebrows furrow. “Sir?”
Shepherd sighs, and leans forward to bring something up on his computer. “The only places without cameras are the shower and the cells. Everything else in this building, I see.”
There’s a pit forming in Johnny’s chest, but he can’t do anything but say, “I’m not sure what you’re implying, sir.”
The look Shepherd sends him says yes you are, and the man turns the screen of his computer around to face Johnny.
It’s… it’s him, in a hospital bed, with Ghost over him. Johnny’s jaw drops open as he watches his legs get hiked up higher on the other man’s chest, the bulk of him covering Johnny’s cunt, but the spread of his legs doing nothing to hide the slick dripping from him.
The video is silent but horrifying. Here’s what Johnny has forgotten, what’s slowly been coming back to him in his dreams, and it’s being played for him by his boss. 
“Sir…” he says, unsure of what he’ll say but knowing it has to be something. “I don’t…”
“You can’t quit,” Shepherd says, straightforward and with no bend.
Johnny can’t tear his eyes away from the screen. “I have to.”
Shepherd lays his hand flat on the desk, making just enough noise to startle Johnny. “No, son. You’ll be staying here. If you don’t, I’ll take that video right to the police myself and have them charge you with assault.
Johnny’s eyes fly to Shepherd’s, his brows arched high on his head. “Assault? Me? But- look at the video! I was injured and high off my ass!”
“You’re also an officer, with power over the prisoners.”
“Power? Look at what the bastard did to me!” He regrets the words as soon as they’re out of his mouth, wants to break the computer screen so no one ever sees that clip again instead of bringing more attention back to it. 
Shepherd winces, very intentionally not looking at the screen. “An argument could be made that you… encouraged him. You’re in the position of power, and that makes you at fault.” 
Johnny grits his teeth, glaring. “I was drugged and-and… well, if anyone was assaulted it certainly wasn’t him.”
Shepherd leans back in his chair, lacing his fingers over his stomach. “You can’t have it both ways, MacTavish.”
“I- What?”
“Either you’re a man or not. Look at the size of you, son. You think anyone will believe that you couldn’t have fought him off?”
Johnny’s speechless, unable to do anything but stare at Shepherd, mouth gaping.
“Or you’re a woman, and no one would be shocked to hear a tragic story about a female officer being overtaken and assaulted by her male prisoner. Is that you? That the story you want to tell?”
“I’m not a fuckin’ woman.”
Shepherd’s eyes narrow. “Watch your language with me. Those are the only two stories you could sell in court.”
“They’re not -”
“Yes, they are,” Shepherd hisses, suddenly more incensed as he leans forward and lowers his voice. “You don’t have a goddamn choice here, MacTavish. You keep this job, nobody else needs to know you fucked Riley. You leave, I’ll make sure every person you’ve ever looked at sees the goddamn video of it.”
Johnny reels back in his seat, hands shaking and mouth bone dry. He can’t quite believe what he’s hearing, can’t believe that this is the point his life has brought him to. “Why? ”
Shepherd sinks back in his seat, rubbing the bridge of his nose and suddenly looking ten years older. “Because he doesn’t want you to quit. Riley and I have a deal, and it’s a damn fragile one. He’s fixated on you for whatever reason - I let you walk, all my hardwork with him goes down the drain.”
Johnny’s teeth grind in the back of his mouth. “Sounds more like your problem than mine.”
Shepherd glares. “It became your problem when you let him fuck you.”
“I didn’t let -”
“Video, MacTavish. I can see exactly what happened.”
Johnny’s face flames, and he squirms in his seat. “It wasn’t… I didn’t want to…”
Shepherd’s voice is almost mean when he says, “Didn’t seem to fight that hard.”
Johnny nearly flinches, and doesn’t say another word. 
“Listen,” Shepherd sighs, turning the computer around and finally running off that horrible video while seemingly doing his best to look at as little of it as possible. “The job pays well. You’re good at it - well… you could be good at it, if you tried a little harder.”
There’s a part of Johnny that’s offended, but the rest of him is too baffled by this entire meeting to do anything but listen.
“If Riley wants to…” Shepherd winces, the tiniest flush coloring his cheeks. “If he wants to be in a relationship with you, let him.”
“Relationship,” Johnny hisses, lip curled in disgust at the word. “Is that what you think-?”
“I don’t give a damn what he wants from you, MacTavish,” Shepherd cuts him off, glaring. “You’ll put up with it, and if necessary, you’ll do it with a smile. Either that, or I make your life much, much more difficult going forward. Do we have an understanding?”
Shepherd’s tone makes Johnny want to leap forward and claw the skin from his face. Not quite mocking, not quite pitying, not quite frustrated, but all authoritative and pissy. Again, Johnny is reminded of how much he hated men like this in the military.
After a long moment of silence, Shepherd sighs and holds out a hand. “C’mon, son. We both know you’re staying. This can be as easy or as hard as you make it.” He pushes his hand a little further out, like he’s expecting a handshake.
Johnny ignores him completely, storms from the office, and slams the door on his way out.
———————————————————————
The next weeks pass in a blur.
Whatever hope Johnny had of having a normal life post-military, of getting closer to Gaz and maybe even other officers, is well and truly crushed after Graves informs him he’ll be permanently assigned to Ghost from then on. 
Johnny refuses to look at Gaz long enough to see the man’s expression of sympathy, but he hears it in the quick gasp and the little rumble of sound.
Ghost doesn’t quite smirk or smile when Johnny walks up to him on that first day back, but there’s a smugness radiating off him that makes Johnny scowl.
It’s lunch when Riley calls him over for the first time. He doesn’t make a show of it, only flicks his gaze over to Johnny long enough to make eye contact and raises a hand to beckon him.
Johnny pretends he doesn’t see at first, shifts and stares at a wall. Ghost doesn’t let it go, and shouts, “MacTavish!” across the room after a moment of silence. 
Graves glares at him and jerks his head over with a sort of what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you look.
He can’t help but feel a little like a kid when he storms toward Ghost, unable to keep the frustration hidden when he feels like he’s drowning in it. “What?”
Ghost gives him an unimpressed look. “Watch it. You’ll come when I call you.”
Johnny grits his teeth. “Course, sir,” he bites sarcastically.
Riley’s lip twitch, at that only pisses him off more. Ghost shifts back in his seat, the tray in front of him already wiped clean - the food looks disgusting to Johnny, but Ghost had eaten so quickly you’d think it was the best thing he’d ever had. 
“You think that’s as embarrassing as I can make things for you?” He asks quietly, folding his arms on the table and leaning forward. “I could do anything I wanted to you right now, and not a man in this room would stop me.”
Johnny’s lip curls. “What do you want?”
“I want you to mind your manners when you speak to me,” Ghost snaps, his voice rising just a bit. Johnny’s sure he’s not loud enough for anyone else to have heard, but he shifts uneasily anyway. 
“Fine,” he hisses. “Now what do you want?”
Riley doesn’t quite look satisfied, but he drops it. “I’m doin’ you a favor here, Johnny. You rather I not tell you the rules, let you stumble all blind into a punishment in front of anyone lucky enough to be nearby?”
Johnny’s head jerks down a bit in instinctual frustration. “Okay. Alright, fine. Just get it over with.”
Ghost hums low in his throat. “You’ll look at me when I’m speaking to you. Start now.”
Johnny bites his tongue as he raises his eyes, glaring into Ghost’s with all the anger he can muster. The man only smirks, murmuring a “Good boy,” in that tone that Johnny still hears in his dreams sometimes.
“I want you by my side unless I’m in my cell - then, you’ll stand outside when you’re still on duty. If you need to be somewhere else for some reason, you’ll come immediately when I call.”
“I’m not a fuckin’ dog,” Johnny can’t help but argue.
“You’re whatever I tell you to be. I ask you to crawl behind me on fours, and you’ll do it - happily . Or are you so eager for that little video to make it’s way to good ol’ Graves’ pocket?”
Johnny’s face flushes, and he inches closer, ducking down as if they haven’t already been speaking quietly enough for no one else to hear. “You can’t- you can’t show that to anyone. I don’t know what you have on the warden, but-”
“Exactly,” Ghost cuts him off, glaring. “You don’t know. And you won’t, because it’s not information for you. All you need to do is fuckin’ listen, and you aren’t doing a good job of it so far.”
Johnny grits his teeth, straightening. “What’s your next rule, then?”
Riley considers him for a second, then leans back on the metal bench. “Next rule is you’ll speak to me with respect. I outranked you in the military, and I outrank you here. You’ll watch your-”
“Wait,” Johnny interrupts, brow furrowed. “You were in the military?”
“Don’t interrupt,” Ghost scolds, glaring. “But yes. Not with you, but I was. Made it up to Lieutenant before I got out.”
It shouldn’t change anything for Johnny, the revelation that he and Ghost have a common background. And it doesn’t - not really - but there’s something in his mind that just… shifts, a bit, after learning that he and Ghost have similar roots, that they were maybe even in the same place at different times. Somehow the idea doesn’t quite fit with everything else he knows about Ghost. 
“But regardless, I won’t tolerate a brat. You’ll behave and watch your mouth when you’re with me. Understood?”
“Fine.”
“Fine…?”
Johnny’s lip curls and his hands tighten into fists at his side. “Fine, sir.”
“Good boy,” Ghost rumbles with a smirk. “You won’t touch yourself without permission. That’s your third rule.”
Johnny can feel his face flaming, and he ducks his chin close to his chest, shoulders hunching in an attempt to hide himself. “What? ”
Ghost’s smile is ugly on his face, wide and showing off crooked teeth behind thin lips. “That pretty pussy belongs to me now, and I don’t want your grubby hands on my property.”
“I’m not- my hands aren’t-” Johnny huffs, shaking his head a bit until a strand of loose hair falls into his eyeline, then pushing it away with a small sound of frustration. “I’m not your property.”
“Oh, yes you are. But there’s no point in arguin’ with you, you’ll understand soon enough. That’s it for now - we’ll start you off with the simple stuff so you don’t fuck up too soon.”
“Oh, thank you,” Johnny rolls his eyes sarcastically, back to glaring at the table.
Ghost grunts, smacking a hand beside his tray with just enough force for Johnny to jump. “What the hell did I just say about the attitude?”
Johnny stares at him wide-eyed for a second, but quickly relaxes into his frustration. He swallows his pride and says, “Sorry.”
Ghost narrows his eyes, glaring up at Johnny. “You’ll make it up to me later,” he decides. He stands from his seat with little warning, nudging the tray closer to Johnny. “Drop the tray off, then follow me to the rec room.”
He can feel every single pair of eyes on him as he walks to the busboy, and Johnny can’t help but think that he’s never once in his life felt this much scrutiny before. But he ignores every one of them, his eyes carefully forward and just slightly unfocused so he doesn’t have to see the way their heads turn.
He follows Ghost to the rec room, his pride in tatters. 
And that’s where it begins. The indignities only get worse.
Ghost informs him slowly of more rules. Johnny’s never to sit near Ghost, only to stand (sitting is a reward, and one he finds quickly is very rare). He’s only to look Ghost in the eye when responding to him, and never to look anyone else in the eye when he’s shadowing Ghost (“You’re on my time, you won’t give a spec of your attention to anyone that’s not me.”). 
And the sexual favors… Johnny is just glad they’re kept private. Ghost only ever touches him when they’re alone, and they’re only truly alone during Ghost’s solo showers and when he tugs Johnny into his cell for the last hour of his shift.
The taste of Ghost’s cum becomes unfortunately very familiar, and the bruises on Johnny’s knees never quite get enough time to fade before new ones appear. The only small blessing he can see is that Ghost never pisses on him anymore. 
He still fucks Johnny’s mouth in the shower, but he’ll take any amount of skull-fucking over the humiliation of being treated as nothing more than a urinal. Even after weeks of nothing but blowjobs being forced on him, he still tenses for that sour stench after every once.
Johnny also learns that Ghost is - predictably - as mean in bed as he is out of it. Half the time, the bastard isn’t even decent enough to give Johnny a pity orgasm when he assaults him.
He’s also incredibly creative with his dirty talk, and infuriatingly that’s usually what gets Johnny off - when he’s allowed to get off, that is.
Pretty fuckin’ cunt, made to take my cock, huh?
Should keep you tied to the bed, use you as my own goddamn mattress so I can fuck you whenever I want
You’re awful loud today, baby, you want the others to hear you? Hm? Want them to come knockin’ and ask for a turn riding this tight ass?
Nothin’ else in the world compares to a hot hole like this, shit, I’d kill a man to have fucked you when you were a virgin.”
Sometimes Johnny thinks about rubbing himself to completion at home, on the nights when Ghost edged and denied him time and time again and his boxers were sticky with his slick when he took them off. He never quite works up the nerve, though, sure that Ghost would somehow know what he had done and unwilling to face any more severe of a punishment from the prisoner. 
His service to Ghost extends outside of the purely sexual, though. That comes as more of a surprise than it probably should, and there’s something about it that’s more difficult for Johnny to bear.
When Ghost fucks him, it’s a fight. Ghost likes it like that, and Johnny gets to tell himself he tried the best he could to keep the other man’s hands off of him. It’s as close to a win as he can get in this situation, and he forces himself to be okay with that.
But all the little things Ghost expects him to do - serve his food, clean his cell, bring him any book he asks for, give him a damn massage once - they feel more… willing. Like Johnny is choosing to do these things for Ghost. And he knows that he is, technically, but only because he’s terrified of what would happen were he to disobey.
And still, that’s not enough of an excuse to calm his psyche. He goes home to his trailer and feels filthy, showers for so long every night that his water bill has become egregiously high. He picks at his nails constantly now, never quite feels like he gets them fully clean. The thought that his service to Ghost is willing, is consensual, haunts him.
He thinks that’s what Riley enjoys the most - the inner turmoil. Sometimes when he asks Johnny to do something particularly embarrassing, he’ll watch the way his face twists with an expression that can’t be described as anything but gleeful greed. He comes fastest when he threatens to fuck Johnny in front of his coworkers, or when they can hear other voices. Nothing seems to get him off quite like Johnny’s anger and humiliation.
So it should come as no shock that one of his favorite things to make Johnny do is work out with him.
Ghost works out while all the prisoners are in the rec yard, usually monopolizing one machine and scaring off anyone else who comes too close. But because of his deal with the warden (and Johnny curses that man more and more every day), he gets an extra hour outside that no one else does.
Outside of the context of their dynamic, Riley is one of the best trainers Johnny’s ever had. He certainly pushes him harder than anyone else has, and he makes sure they’re both working out all parts of their body.
Unfortunately, he’s more than a little unfair to Johnny. 
He always uses whatever maching he’s picked for that day first, and he never lets Johnny adjust the weight down to his own level. Johnny’s big, stronger undoubtedly than most of his coworkers, and damn proud of it. But he’s not Ghost big, not able to do many reps with the shitton of weight Riley uses.
But that doesn’t matter - Riley tells him to do it, so he does. He’s usually little more than a noodle when he’s done, but he can usually force himself to do at least half of the workout that Riley did.
He always spots Ghost - and does it correctly, no matter how much he wants to strangle the man. It’s probably his favorite act of service Ghost forces onto him, because he sees prisoners helping out other prisoners across the yard every day. Granted no guard is stepping in to spot them, but it’s better than being the only person waiting at the beck and call of another.
So he spots Ghost without complaint, even though the older man never once needs his help. It’s unfortunate, too, because Johnny’s pretty sure he could just pretend to not be strong enough to help the other man if he were to get stuck, but unfortunately he’s not that lucky.
While he spots Ghost, he finds that the favor is almost never returned - not unless Johnny is so weak from the previous day's workout that he can barely do a full rep. 
When they’re doing bench presses, Ghost stands above Johnny’s head, damn near blocking out the sun, and smirks when all he can do is try his absolute hardest to keep the bar from choking him. 
On most days he can manage a pathetic few reps, but there was one day where he really, truly couldn’t do it. He’d been lucky and nobody else had been in the rec yard, but he still remembers it in his dreams sometimes.
Ghost had known before Johnny even sat down that he wouldn’t manage, he could see it in the prisoner’s face. The last few days - their first days working out together - had been hell on his body, and he could barely raise his hand enough to wave, let alone bench press several hundred pounds.
“Ghost…” he had muttered, laying on his back and looking uneasily at the bar above him. “I really don’t think I can-”
“Quiet,” Ghost said, stepping so close that Johnny could see his bulge right above his head. “You’ll be fine. I’m spotting you.”
Johnny can’t help but scowl. “That is not spotting.”
“Well, it’s all your gettin’. Hurry up, the more time you waste here, the longer I’ll keep you after your shift.”
“Shit, okay, okay, I get it,” he said, wrapping his hands around the bar and taking a deep breath. “You swear you’ll-?”
“Johnny.”
“Fine, fine.”
He’d managed a single rep - which was impressive enough for him, quite honestly. But it wasn’t enough for Riley, who grunted a negative and a “Keep going.” when Johnny tried to put the bar back in its place.
“Ghost,” he had panted, on the verge of whining.
“Johnny,” he’d mimicked, voice pitched insultingly high. 
He doesn’t get a full second rep in, only just barely manages to hold the bar above his throat with shaking limbs. His whole body is shaking, and he’s drenched in sweat.
“Riley…” he gasps, teeth clenched so tight he’d be worried about cracking one if he wasn’t so focused on not dying.
“Need some help, Johnny?”
He can’t do much more than grunt an affirmative sound, but for once Ghost doesn’t make him beg. Instead he wraps both hands around the metal bar, and sort of pushes it forward a bit.
“Wha-?” Johnny manages, before he realizes what Ghost has done. He’s trapped him securely beneath the weight - Johnny’s not strong enough to push it away from his chest, and if he moves too much he risks rolling it forward and onto his neck. It’s an incredibly dangerous position to be in, and the fear only makes Johnny shake more.
“There we go,” Ghost says quietly, patting Johnny on the head once before stepping away.
“Ghost?” He gasps, rolling his head to the side as he desperately tracks the other man. “C-c’mon, ye can’t-”
“Don’t waste your breath, Johnny, you’re already panting like a dog,” Ghost scolds, tapping him lightly on the stomach as he passes. He tugs the weight a little further down, and to Johnny’s relief it allows the slightest bit of strain to fade.
Ghost grips him roughly by the knees, forcing them to spread wide on either side of the bench. 
“We’re gonna play a little game, Johnny,” he rumbles, yanking down Johnny’s pants and boxers in two quick tugs. “You finish that rep before Graves calls us in, I’ll let you come. You don’t, I fuck you in front of him.”
“N-no!” Johnny gasps, one leg jerking up as he squirms. His pants are tugged off one ankle, left loose around the other, and he feels sweat dripping from his navel down to his center already. “Y-you can’t.”
Ghost hums, and a thumb parts Johnny’s folds. “Then you better get that bar up, boy.”
Johnny’s sobbing before he even registers Ghost’s mouth on him.
The experience is the very definition of overwhelming. He can hardly breathe with hundreds of pounds resting on his chest, and Ghost’s tongue feels like magic on his cunt. He licks Johnny’s engorged clit, knows just when to wrap his lips around the bundle of nerves and suck. When Johnny gets too close to the edge, when his whimpers turn to whines and his moans pitch up, Ghost ducks to Johnny’s hole and spends time drinking all of his slick.
He has absolutely no idea how long it will be until Graves shows up, and the thought drives Johnny insane. At any moment the other man could walk out and see them, see Johnny pinned and Ghost eating his cunt like he’s starving.
With a gasp at a particularly rough edge, Johnny gets the bar a few inches off his chest. He feels like he’s suffocating when it drops back down.
“Good,” Ghost purrs, one hand lifting from where he’d been holding Johnny’s lips open to stroke his stomach beneath his shirt. “Almost there. Go on, try again f’r me." He sounds drunk on Johnny, his words slurred and muffled. Johnny doesn’t sound any better, sobbing and moaning in equal turns as he’s driven to the edge again and again.
In the end, he only barely manages it. He’s just able to time his breathing, erratic as it is, with his effort in pushing the bar away. His muscles scream at him as he gets it higher and higher in the air, and every single part of him goes completely limp the moment he stops gripping the bar.
“There ya go,” Ghost growls, and Johnny groans as the vibrations sink into him. “Tha’s my fuckin’ boy.”
Johnny whines, manages to muster up just enough energy to lift one hand and drop it onto Ghost’s buzzed head. He can’t do anything but keep it there, but it helps him feel less lost in the pleasure. He doesn’t even have enough strength to grind against Ghost’s hand, but the other man doesn’t need the help in getting him off. 
By the time he’d gotten re-dressed (by the time Ghost had re-dressed him), Graves had been walking in the door. He’d only given the two of them a nasty look, and Johnny’s face had burned bright at the realization that they’d been caught.
“Inside, you two. Now.” Was all Graves had said, but Johnny had trouble even glancing at the man for days. 
Ghost had never been that hard on him during a workout again, but the threat of it was always there, and it was more than enough to keep Johnny from complaining again.
That’s how most of their dynamic worked - the second Johnny pushed back against Ghost’s control even minutely, he was met with swift and firm punishment. Unwilling to experience whatever degradation Ghost chose again, he’d be sure not to repeat the same mistakes.
And Johnny finds that when he listens, when he doesn’t question Ghost and doesn’t let the humiliation get to him, the man verges on kind. In his own sick and twisted way.
(At night, alone under his sheets, Johnny wonders if Riley is really soft, or if he’s too used to the man’s cruelty and simply thinks anything less than that is kind.)
———————————————————————
Two months into their “deal”, Johnny’s world is brought to a sudden stop again. 
He’s in the staffroom - an hour early, because Ghost expects him to be there when he takes his showers, which happen to be first thing in the morning - when Gaz walks in, a small paper bag in his hand.
“Hey, mate,” he beams, quickly walking towards Johnny. “Glad I got here early enough to catch you, feel like we’ve hardly talked in ages.”
Johnny gives his best sympathetic smile, checking the bullets in his gun. “Sorry, mate. Job’s been wearin’ on me more than I thought it would.”
Gaz quickly looks away, nodding rapidly. “Yeah, yeah, ‘course.” There’s an almost-awkward moment of silence before Gaz holds out the bag he’d brought. “Oh, I brought donuts. Y’know, to celebrate the good news.” He shakes the bag enticingly. “Want one?”
Johnny grins, quickly snagging the bag and tugging out a maple log. “Thanks, I love these. What’s the good news?”
He’s taking his first bite of the treat, savoring the taste of it on his tongue, when Gaz makes a shocked noise “You don’t know?”
He’s still chewing, so the only response Johnny can give is a shake of the head and a raised brow.
“Huh, I’d figured he’d have…” Gaz trails off a bit, his own brows furrowing as he takes the bag back. “Well, I guess I get the pleasure then - Ghost was up for bail, and he got approved.”
Johnny chokes on his next bite of donut instantly, bending in half and coughing desperately.
“Shit, mate!” Gaz exclaims, whacking him hard enough on the back to dislodge the little bite of food and allow him to suck in gasps of air. 
“He’s-” Johnny gasps again, then straightens. “He’s what?”
Gaz looks completely surprised, leaving his hand on Johnny’s back just long enough to make sure he’s stable before letting it drop. “I can’t believe you didn’t know. I figured with your… relationship, he would’ve been the one to tell you.”
Johnny nearly chokes again, spluttering in shock and leaning his entire weight against the counter. “Relationship? We’re not in a-a relationship!”
The look Gaz gives him is a mix between pitying and disbelieving. “Come on, mate, you don’t have to lie to me. Everyone knows already.”
Johnny gapes and can feel the blood draining from his face. “Everyone?”
“Well you weren’t exactly subtle,” Gaz counters, his own brows furrowing now. “You really didn’t know? About either thing?”
“No!” Johnny exclaims, turning so he can lean his back on the counter and bury his face in his hands. “I don’t even-” he huffs, shaking his head. “You’ve given me too much to deal with here, mate.”
“Well to be fair, I didn’t think I’d be revealing anything to you this morning.”
Johnny spreads his fingers just enough that he can see through them, shaking his head at the linoleum floor. He can’t bring himself to look over at Gaz, not knowing… not knowing that the other man has known, and known this whole time. 
“Nobody judges you for it, by the way,” Gaz says quietly, a few moments later. 
Johnny raises his head, glances at the other officer once before looking away again. “What?”
“For your relationship,” he explains. “Love is love, and all that. Most of these men are in here for life, you’re not the first one to start a relationship with one of them, and I’m sure you won’t be the last.”
Johnny only groans again, throwing his head back and staring blankly at the ceiling.
As humiliating as it is to know that all of the guards have known about his thing with Ghost, he can’t help but think back to the first thing Gaz had mentioned. 
His brows furrow as he turns to fully look at Gaz again, trying to ignore his blush. “Did you say he’s out on parole?”
Now Gaz smiles again. “Yeah, I can’t believe you hadn’t heard! I mean granted, I only saw it in the paper this morning, but still. Can’t believe he didn’t tell you.”
Johnny can only stare at the other man with his mouth agape. “Do you still have the paper?”
Gaz frowns a minute, then swings his bag off his shoulders and digs through it for a moment before pulling out a rolled up newspaper. He flips it open, turning past the first few pages and then pointing to a smaller box in the bottom left hand corner.
“Here it is,” he says, then begins to read it out loud. “Infamous illegal weapons seller Simon “Ghost” Riley released on parole today - mistake or mercy? Not their best work, admittedly, but I suppose no one usually reads this far- hey!”
“Gimme that,” Johnny mutters, snatching the paper and ducking close to read it more closely.
There isn’t much more information - the small article only lists the day Ghost was arrested, all his charges, and the accomplices arrested with him but sent to a smaller prison.
“Holy shit,” Johnny breathes, dropping the paper and leaning back. “Holy shit.”
Gaz snatches the paper back, looking at Johnny like he’s lost his mind. “Is that a good holy shit, or a bad one? Because I figured you’d be happy about this, honestly-”
“I have to go,” Johnny interrupts, quickly tearing all of the gear he’d already put on off and striding out of the room. 
“You’re welcome!” Gaz calls, just as the door closes behind him. 
The warden’s office is only a few doors down, and Johnny’s just barely restraining a smile as he throws the door open without knocking.
“I quit.”
Shepherd looks up from his computer, blinking dumbly at Johnny. “Excuse me?”
“I quit,” he repeats, stepping into the officer and glaring at the warden, still unable to fully control his smile. “Your buddy Ghost is out of here, so you’ve got no reason to keep me either. I’m quitting.”
It seems to take a moment for Shepherd to process the words, but once he has he sits back with a sigh, tugging open one of the drawers.
“I supposed I should’ve expected this,” he says, pulling something out and then shutting the drawer. “You know, you’re welcome to stay on if you’d-”
“No,” Johnny says quickly, fully glaring at the man now. “You and I both know there’s no reason for me to be here anymore with him gone.”
Shepherd thinks about it for a moment, then shrugs. “Fair enough. You’ll want these, then.”
He holds his hand out palm up, with two small flashdrives resting there 
Johnny grabs them before the ex-general can take them away, then frowns in confusion. “What’s on them?”
“Every time you and Ghost were… intimate where a camera could see you. I figured you’d want to have them.”
Johnny’s face flames again, but he nods jerkily and stuffs the drives into his pocket. He’ll burn them the second he’s home. 
“Well,” Shepherd sighs, heaving himself out of his chair and holding out a hand. ”You did me a favor keeping that brute in line. I have to thank you for that.”
Johnny can only stare incredulously at the man. A thousand angry tirades run through his mind, righteous words he could spit at the man, accusations to lay at his feet and hopefully dig at whatever conscious he’s got left.
But Johnny doesn’t have room for any of them right now. All he can think about is how he’ll never have to see Simon “Ghost” Riley again.
“You’re a piece of shit,” he says with a slowly growing smile. “And I have no respect for you. Goodbye.”
And with that, Johnny turns and leaves the office. He’s all but whistling his whole walk home, hardly even noticing the twinge in his knee.
———————————————————————
Johnny’s place isn’t anything close to nice, but Ghost doesn’t mind. 
He stands on the gross outside the trailer, smoking a cigarette and appreciating the cool air. Even though he’d had any privilege he could’ve asked for while locked up, he can still feel the difference in the air knowing that he’s free now.
It hadn’t been difficult to find Johnny’s address. He’d demanded the man’s full file from Shepherd before leaving, and the old bastard had been more than willing to hand it over.
Simon will go back and kill him someday. No one who allowed Johnny to be hurt like that should live. 
He hadn’t thought much about where the officer lived, but he’d thought plenty about how he behaved in that home. He’s far less interested in the fact that Johnny lives in a trailer with peeling paint and old tires, and far more interested in what’s inside the tin can that can tell him all about who Johnny is when he’s alone.
And he’s… messy. Very, very messy.
A part of Ghost likes to think it’s because of him, that Johnny is too exhausted after a long day meeting his standards and taking his cock that he comes home and doesn’t do anything but collapse into bed. Another part of him is disgusted by all the fast food containers and already plans how he’ll whip the boy into shape so he can actually see his countertops. No wonder he's struggled so much with their workouts.
The trailer is small, certainly meant for a bachelor or someone travelling with just a partner. The bed in the back is messy and unmaid, and it’s only two or three feet away from the small kitchen area. Between those, the couch, where a laptop is charging on one of the cushions.
Simon digs around while he waits for Johnny to come home. He figures it won’t be long - the second he learns that Ghost is out, he’ll realize that Shepherd has no reason to blackmail him anymore and run as fast as he can.
Ghost smirks at the thought of how surprised he’ll be when he gets home. He’s damn near giddy to see his boy, to see his face drop when he recognizes the man in his home. He wonders if the anger or despair will take over first - he desperately hopes it’s anger, though he wouldn’t mind seeing Johnny cry at the sight of him.
For now, he snoops. 
Johnny doesn’t have much of anything. He’s got a full sleeve of condoms next to his bed that Ghost snorts at before tossing in the trash, along with a few bottles of lube and a couple simple dildos. His clothes are all similair, and he’s only got a few pairs of jeans. 
The most interesting thing is the small gun kept in a cabinet over the sink - it’s an almost pathetcially small thing, but Ghost grabs it and tucks it into the back of his pants regardless. He’s well aware of Johnny’s skill with a gun - he’d been a sniper for a bit, according to his file - and has no intentions of dying before he can properly tame the little brat.
It takes about an hour for his boy to come home. Longer than Simon had expected, but he won’t hold it against him. 
He can’t help the spark of sadistic excitement in his chest when he sits himself on the edge of Johnny’s bed, forcing himself into a more casual position so Johnny doesn’t think he’s too eager.
His boy’s reaction is everything he’d hoped for.
Johnny’s face is lit up in excitement when he first opens the door, lips spread in a wide grin and shoulders rolled back. When he lays eyes on Ghost, it takes a second for that expression to drop.
(The sight of Johnny staring at him, beaming, makes something old and dead shift in Ghost’s chest. He’s not sure he or Johnny will like the things that feeling drives him to do.)
Ghost can see the exact moment Johnny realizes he’s not dreaming, realizes that Ghost has followed him home. It’s the way his smile drops slowly, the way his eyebrows pinch together and he blinks rapidly. His shoulders fall forward, like he’s trying to curl in on himself.
He doesn’t even close the door behind himself.
Simon cocks his head to the side, leaning back on his hands and spreading his legs wide - he’s nearly the width of the damn trailer.
“Welcome home, Johnny.”
Just like he’d suspected, it’s his voice that shifts the ex-officer from shock to anger. In a heartbeat Johnny goes from gaping and blinking to snarling and tightening his hands into fists.
He takes a single step forward, then seems to realize how close just that small movement brings him. He points an angry finger at Ghost, nearly spitting angry. “Why the fuck are you here?”
“Language,” he corrects automatically, barely resisting the urge to smirk at the angry sound that bursts from Johnny’s chest. “You didn’t think we were finished, did you?”
Johnny’s face is going red from anger. Briefly, Ghost wonders if he’s going to pop a blood vessel.
“Get out!” He shouts, hands shaking in anger. “You’re not- you’re not supposed to be here! I’ll call the police, get you arrested for breaking and entering!”
Now Ghost really can’t help the way his lips curl. “No, you won’t.”
Johnny’s lip curls into a nasty snarl at the challenge. “Why the hell wouldn’t I?”
Ghost lets his head tilt leisurely to the side. “Because you want to be a good boy for me too badly.” He lets on hand shift to his pocket, lips twitching further up when Johnny flinches at the movement, and pulls out two small hardrives. “And because I have these, and I’ll spread them as far as I need to to keep you well-behaved.”
He knows Johnny’s got a pair of his own, knows that Shepherd just wanted to get rid of them, but that doesn’t dampen his reaction to the small drives. Johnny’s staring at his hand like he’s holding a nuclear weapon, like his world ends with those harddrives.
When Ghost closes his fist over them again, Johnny lurches forward before stopping himself. Ghost tuts, then sits forward. “Now, I think we’ll go over the new rules. Since we’ll live together now.”
That’s what finally makes Johnny snap. A sound of pure rage tears from his throat as he dives for the cabinet above the sink. In the second that he’s not facing Ghost head on, Simon quickly follows and presses himself along Johnny’s back.
He cocks the gun, holding the barrel of it to Johnny’s temple. It’s not loaded, of course, but the boy in front of him has no way of knowing that.
“Looking for this?” Ghost says in his unblocked ear, nose running along the shell of it. “Tsk, very naughty, Johnny,” he teases.
Johnny’s shivery in front of him, his system no doubt overloaded with all sorts of feelings. Ghost pushes his nose just behind Johnny’s ear, inhaling deeply and sighing at the pure scent of him. He can’t wait until he knows each and every thought passing through that brain, can’t wait until he can predict Johnny better than Johnny can predict himself. He’s already halfway there.
“Are you gonna be good, or am I gonna have to shoot you?” He asks quietly.
“Don’t-” Johnny gasps when Ghost presses the gun a little harder, trying his best to move away from the pressure but pinned too tightly. “Don’t. Please.”
It’s the crack in his voice that makes Ghost soften, just the tiniest bit. 
“On your stomach, on the bed.”
He moves back just enough for Johnny to pull away, watching intently as he starts to pull away from the cabinet. 
Johnny’s moving slowly, one step only half the length it was before, but Ghost doesn’t rush him. He relishes in the sight of Johnny curled in on himself, afraid and obediant.
Then, without warning, Johnny whirls around and punches him square in the chest.
It’s the same damn move that got him the first time they met, and he’s just as unprepared for it this time. He only stumbles back a step or two, but for a man as highly trained as Johnny that’s more than enough room to do damage.
Before he can regain his balance, Johnny’s burying his shoulder into his chest and shoving him to the side. Ghost falls flat on his ass, stumbling out of the open door and the few rickety old steps into the dirt below. 
Johnny flies down after him, landing with his knees on either side of Ghost’s ribs and wrapping his hands around the larger man’s throat.
Ghost chokes when he squeezes, reaching up to try and yank Johnny’s hands off of him. But the younger man has adrenaline and fear on his side, and he hangs on like his life depends on it.
A moment later he leans back, still firmly choking Ghost but letting his eyes run over the man and the ground beside him. It takes a moment for Simon to realize what he’s looking for.
“Dropped… it…” he chokes out, his lips tilting up into the slightest of smirks despite his delicate situation. The gun had flown from his hand as soon as Johnny knocked him off his feet, but he can’t see around the other man to know if it had landed outside.
Johnny’s hands flex against his throat, strangling him with just enough strength that black spots begin to dance across his vision. Still, he’s hardly weakened, and he throws a rough punch at Johnny’s face with his quickly fading strength.
The boy dodges it, but just barely since Simon’s reach is longer than his. He can see that the other man is considering something, and his hands squeeze harder again as he leans closer to Ghost’s face.
Oh, he thinks a moment later. I see. Smart boy.
Ghost lets his hands smack at Johnny’s face and arms a few more times, then slowly pretends they’ve gone limp in the dirt next to him. A few seconds later, his eyes flutter shut.
For a long moment Johnny doesn’t remove his hands, and Ghost worries he’s miscalculated. But then there’s a relieved sigh above him, and the hands disappear. Had he any background other than his own, Ghost would have sucked in heaving breaths and given himself away.
As it is, he doesn’t move until he feels Johnny’s knees leave his ribs.
He’s up and behind the smaller man almost immediately. It takes a second to catch his balance, his brain still deprived of oxygen and only half-awake, but he’s got enough coordination to grab Johnny by the ankle before he can get fully inside the trailer.
Ghost laughs at the way Johnny shrieks in rage, free hand clawing at the dirt as he pulls himself forward and Johnny back. When he raises his eyes, he finds himself staring down the barrel of the gun.
His breathing is still harsh and uneven, and his grip on Johnny’s ankle is secure. He glares at the boy, not the gun, and growls, “Go ahead. Do it.”
Johnny’s hands are both on the gun, both shaking, and his eyes are wide with adrenlinea and fear. With only a moment’s hesitation, he pulls the trigger.
It clicks, empty.
Ghost gives himself just enough time to appreciate the shock in Johnny’s eyes before launching himself forward, forcing them both up a step and grabbing Johnny roughly by the jaw. With one hand on his ankle and the other on his face, Johnny’s tucked into a small ball beneath him.
“You want me dead, Johnny, is that it?” He growls, heaving hot breaths across the boy’s face. “Gonna shoot me then bury my body in this dump?”
Johnny’s expression of shock quickly twists to one of anger, and he spits into Ghost’s face. “Go to hell, ye bastard.”
Ghost bares his teeth, forcing himself even closer into the smaller man’s space. “You’ll pay for that.”
It’s all too easy to force Johnny up, to shift his hold from jaw to neck and to throw him inside the trailer. This time he makes sure the door is closed and locked, then turns back to his unruly pet.
He easily swipes the laptop away when Johnny tries to bash it over his head, storming towards the smaller man and grinning when the other man stumbles backward.
“Wait- don’t-” Johnny tries as he falls back on the bed, Ghost quickly following him. He drops the empty gun beside them, locking his hand back around the front of Johnny’s throat and holding him down on the bed.
“Wait, don’t,” he mocks, spitting on Johnny’s face. He laughs loudly at the way the younger man winces, eyes scrunching up at the action. “You know your beggin’ only makes me harder, baby, it’s like you want this.”
Johnny’s sneer is ugly, but his anger is beautiful as he glares up at Ghost. “I don’t want anything from you except your pain, bastard. I’ll fuckin’ kill you, first chance I get.”
“Which is why you’ll never get a chance,” Ghost taunts, leaning close enough that he can press their noses together. “You’re too fun for me to let go of you any time soon, Johnny, so fight all you want - it only makes your submission sweeter.”
He forces his lips to Johnny’s in a rough, but passionate kiss. The smaller man doesn’t reciprocate, but Ghost is perfectly content to nip and lick at his lips anyway. He’ll have the boy slobbering for it soon enough.
“On your stomach,” he says against Johnny’s mouth, moving his hand to the man’s shoulder to urge him over. 
“Riley,” Johnny gasps, trying to stay on his back. “Don’t.”
Ghost shoves him over anyway, pressing his face to the side of Johnny’s once he’s flipped and wrapping his arms around the man, relishing in their size difference. Even with Ghost’s workout regiment, he’s still so much smaller.
“Simon,” he says lowly. “You call me Simon. Or Ghost.”
It takes almost no effort to tug Johnny’s pants and boxers down. He kicks them both to the side, then pushes Johnny’s chest up and shirt off while he considers what the first color of panties he’ll put the man in will be.
He forces Johnny’s feet wide with his own, smirking when he whines at the stretch. Then he grabs both of Johnny’s hands where they’re clawing at his sheets and folds his arms behind his back, locking one hand around both forearms so he can hold the boy down.
“Let’s see you now,” he mutters, leaning back and using his free hand to spread Johnny’s ass cheeks. “Oh baby, you’re so soaked for me.” He makes his voice intentionally mocking, feels himself twitch in his pants when Johnny shivers at the sound of it.
He quickly yanks down his own pants and boxers, letting them fall to his ankles carelessly. He indulges in a few strokes to get himself to full hardness, then passes his thumb over Johnny’s cocklet a few times.
The younger man jolts at the sensation, head thrashing against the sheets as his back arches further into the touch. Ghost can’t quite make out what he’s trying to say, but he gives him a rewarding rub anyway.
“Did well gettin’ yourself read for me,” he praises, dragging his hand up to prod at the tight hole dripping slick. He carelessly tucks two fingers inside Johnny, only using them to pull out more slick and watch the way it coats his clit. “Too bad none of it’s gonna matter. Tsk, such a waste.”
Johnny raises his head enough to turn to the side and look at Ghost, confusion marring his pretty face. His eyes are glassy with tears, but none have fallen yet. Ghost knows that’ll change soon.
“What?” Johnny asks quietly, shifting uncomfortably on his feet.
Ghost smiles, moving his two soaked fingers up a little further and tapping a few times at the tight hole he’s yet to use. “You were very bad, Johnny. Only good boys get their cunts used. Bad boys need to learn a lesson.”
Johnny whimpers, burying his face in the pillows again. When Ghost sticks the tip of one finger into the tight furl of his ass, he rockets up like he’s been shocked.
“L-lube!” He gasps, already writhing in place with just the smallest amount of penetration. “In-in the table.”
Ghost sighs, wiggling the tip of his finger inside of Johnny and smiling at the wince he gets in return. “No lube for you today, Johnny. Since you liked spit so much earlier, I figured we’d use that.”
He watches Johnny’s eyes go wide as he spits a large glob directly where his finger is, laughs when Johnny’s “Wait-” is choked off as he shoves his finger the rest of the way in.
He quickly begins thrusting the digit in and out, using his hold on Johnny’s arms to keep him pinned. He stretches the boy as much as he can with one finger, but quickly adds a second with just a bit more spit.
Johnny whines high and loud, like he’s in all sorts of pain, and Ghost moans, grinding himself against the boy’s thigh.
“That hurt, Johnny?” He asks, his cock throbbing. “Your little asshole sting?”
Johnny hisses through his teeth when Ghost folds his finger and tugs. “You know it does!”
Ghost laughs, pulling out just long enough to slap his cunt playfully. “Course. That’s the whole point.”
He drags his fingers through the slick, doing his boy the kindness of bringing some of it back up to his ass to give him a little more lubricant.
Three fingers, it turns out, makes Johnny squeal like he’s being shot. His feet stamp against the ground angrily, and he throws his head back and forth like he’s looking for something to bite. Ghost can’t help but chuckle at how stupid he looks, only encouraging him by spreading his fingers.
“You feeling a little dry, Johnny?” He asks, pulling out to stroke over the hole and see how it’s stretching so far. He’s moving faster than he should, so it only just barely winks at him, but there’s little resistance when he slips all three fingers back in.
“Yes,” Johnny hisses through visibly gritted teeth, cheek laid flat on the bed so he can glare balefully at Ghost.
“Hmm. Want some more of my spit?”
Johnny splutters, trying to rear up again before Ghost muscles him back down. “You fuckin’- I need lube, Riley!”
Ghost frowns down at Johnny’s sex, fucking him roughly a few times in retalliation. “That’s not what you call me, stupid boy.”
Johnny hisses angrily, stomping once. “I’m not fuckin’ stupid!”
Ghost rumbles a disagreeing noise, tugging Johnny’s arms a little tighter. “Then how come you’re so bad with simple instructions? Can’t mind your manners, can’t call me the right name… can’t even ask for what you need from me properly.”
“I don’t need you to spit on me!”
Ghost sighs, like he’s dealing with a misbehaving puppy instead of an enraged man. “I won’t give you what you don’t ask for,” he warns, pulling his fingers out. “But if you’ve got all the lube you think you need…”
He lines the tip of his uncut cock up with the small, understretched hole. Johnny’s complaints rocket in volume when he realizes what Ghost’s doing, and the larger man slips his cock a little lower and rocks his hips back and forth to soak himself in Johnny’s slick while he listens to the younger man beg.
“Wait, wait-! No, no, no, nonono, please, please, don’t! Ghost!” He cries, head thrown back and thrashing as wildly as he can. Ghost’s cock only drips more precum as he’s forced to wrestle Johnny down, leaning most of his body weight onto the man beneath him. “Ghost, Ghost, Simon, please, please don’t fuck me there! Not- not without-!”
He breaks off into only pants, so Ghost grinds a little harder and leans close to spit, “Without what?”
“Spit! Without spit, please, please spit on me again Ghost!” Johnny cries, face streaked with tears and eyes screwed shut. 
Ghost hums as he shifts a bit, making sure that his cockhead drags from asshole to clit to fully soak himself and Johnny. “That what you want? Want me to spit on you, sweet boy?”
“Yes, yes, please,” Johnny sobs, blinking slowly up at him.
Ghost smiles, leans close, and spits directly onto the apple of Johnny’s cheek. The flabbergasted expression on his boy’s face is more than worth any fighting he needed to get here.
“There you go,” he purrs, grinding himself a little more slowly and making sure the head of his cock rubs against Johnny’s clit. “What do we say?”
“You- you said you’d… on-on my…”
Ghost tilts his head, his smile sharp. “I said I’d give you my spit, baby, nobody said anything about where. Why don’t you stick your pretty tongue out and taste it for me.”
Johnny doesn’t listen, but Ghost lets it slide because his little confused expression is making him ache.
“But I’m too dry,” he says quietly, staring up at Ghost. “I’m gonna- I’ll tear.”
Ghost coos, pulling back just enough to line his cockhead up properly with Johnny’s ass. “Not if you relax for me.”
Then, he pushes himself in. 
He knows he’s risking Johnny injury, so he dips his free hand down to rub his clit so he stays as relaxed as possible. As much as Ghost loves seeing Johnny cry, he knows he’ll be able to fuck him more if the boy isn’t torn.
He cries big, fat tears as Ghost pushes himself into the hilt. He doesn’t pause, doesn’t give Johnny time to panic and tighten up, only forces himself in and keeps his fingers moving quickly on the clit beneath him.
“There we go,” he breathes once his hips are flush with Johnny’s ass. His eyes flutter shut, rolling his head back on his neck and luxuriating the tight heat of his boy beneath him. “Feel so good for me, Johnny.”
The man beneath him is only animal noises and sniffles. Ghost can tell that he wants to tense, that he wants to fight, but the mix of Simon’s hand on his cock and his instincts keep him loose enough that he doesn’t tear.
“Look’it that,” Ghost whispers, dragging his finger from clit to hole and tracing around the stretched rim of it. “And you thought you couldn’t take it. Like I said - stupid thing.”
Johnny’s keen is high-pitched and wounded as Ghost slowly pulls out, watching the place where they meet intently.
When he slams back inside, Johnny screams.
His pace doesn’t let up from there. Once he’s assured Johnny won’t tear, he fucks him with all the strength and roughness he always does. He pays almost no mind to Johnny’s pleasure, using him only as a fleshlight for him to get off in.
“So fucking tight,” he hisses, using his hold on Johnny’s arms to balance himself and really start to fuck him. “Made for my goddamn cock, shaped to my will exactly, I’m never fucking letting you go.”
He’s panting over Johnny, back hunched as he works himself up. “Never felt anything like this. No man, no woman, just you, Johnny. My perfect, tight boy, huh? Cunt or ass, you squeeze me like you never want me to fuckin’ go. Proper fuckin’ cocksleeve.”
Johnny’s sounds are caught between pleasure and pain as Ghost slowly wears him down, tears streaming down his face but hips twisting back for more. 
“Too bad you were bad, huh?” Ghost pants, putting his mouth right beside Johnny’s ear. “Coulda been fucking you in that pretty cunt. Could’ve stuffed you full of my cum, given you a nice little creampie. You want that? You want me stuffed deep in your guts?”
Johnny’s nowhere near coherent enough to speak, but Ghost is more than capable of talking for the both of them. “Coulda bred you, baby. Coulda given you a pretty little thing in your tummy, coulda filled you up and made you mine. Might still, if you can learn to be good.”
Ghost’s hips begin to work erratically as he reaches the edge, uncaring for any sort of rhythm or consistent pace as he focuses purely on getting himself off.
When he finally does reach his climax, he swears he sees stars.
It takes a long time for his cock to soften fully, for Johnny’s ass to stop milking more and more come out of him. He doesn’t mind, of course, only half-heartedly humps Johnny to finish himself off.
As he begins to relax on top of Johnny, the younger man only tenses.
“Ghost,” he whines, wriggly desperately. “Ghost, c’mon, it’s my turn.”
Simon huffs a laugh against Johnny’s nape, free hand coming up to run through his mohawk. “Your turn? For what?”
Johnny whines liked a kicked dog. “To come. C’mon, I’m so close, just need a little-”
Ghost quickly pulls out and angles his hips away, so Johnny’s cunt is left with only the cold air. The little brat cries like he’s been shot, hips working fruitlessly against the bed.
“Told you you’ve been bad,” Ghost mutters, quickly crashing from his high but keeping Johnny firmly stuck beneath him. “You don’t get to come tonight.”
Johnny wails, and Ghost can’t help but laugh as he finally stands.
Johnny’s all squirming and begging beneath him as he digs through his pants pockets.
“No, no, Ghost, please, I need to come! I can’t- I can’t do this, c’mon, I’m so close, you got me so close, you have to-! Please, Simon, come on!”
“Settle,” Ghost rumbles, giving his forearms a tight squeeze as he pulls the handcuffs out of his pocket. It had been all too easy to take them from the staff room before leaving, and he sets them on the bed as he finally lets go of Johnny’s wrists.
Like he suspected, he’s too desperate to do much but beg. The most he manages is flipping onto his back, but Ghost is lifting him by the hips and forcing him further up the bed before he can try anything.
“I can’t settle, Ghost, you’re fuckin’ blue ballin’ me!”
Ghost gives him a sardonic look as he knee-walks further up the bed, grabbing Johnny’s left wrist in one hand and using the other to quickly handcuff him to the small curtain rod above his bed. “What balls? All you’ve got is a cunt.”
Johnny’s too distracted by his new predicament to care about Ghost’s comment, staring at his hand with wide eyes. Simon steps back just long enough to fully strip, throw the gun to the ground, and toss a blanket onto the bed.
“What-? Where the hell did you get these?!” Johnny spits, yanking his wrist on instinct and curling away from Simon.
“Where the hell do you think?” Simon grouses, throwing himself to the bed next to Johnny and tugging the other man down. “Get down here. We’re sleeping now.”
“We’re-?” Johnny jerks in Simon’s hold, but he can’t do more than squirm. “What the hell is wrong with you?! Uncuff me! Now!”
“No,” Ghost grunts, pulling Johnny even tighter to him and squeezing to quiet him down. “You’re not runnin’ away from me. Sleep.”
“How the hell can you expect me to sleep with one goddamn hand in the air?!”
Ghost groans, quickly covering Johnny’s mouth with one hand. “Quiet. Sleep.”
He doesn’t even flinch when he feels Johnny bite his hand. He does consider investing in some smaller ball gags for Johnny to wear to bed, if he’s going to kick up such a fuss every night.
After a few minutes of stillness and silence, Johnny relaxes in Ghost’s arms. He knows it’s purely instinctual, knows that he’ll probably wake up to Johnny’s best murder attempt in the morning, but for now he feels content.
He’s confident he’ll be able to break Johnny down into the perfect little pet. He’ll never get rid of all the boy’s fire - that’s half his fun - but he’ll make sure Johnny understands the proper power hierarchy, understands when to fight and when to listen.
For now, he falls asleep with his boy safe and secure in his arms.
370 notes · View notes
meta-squash · 5 months
Text
Some random maybe rambling thoughts about Jack and his feelings towards his team:
I think Jack's love for, relationship with, and treatment of each individual member of his team is really interesting.
Owen and Tosh are the two team members he truly hand-picked. He followed Owen and recruited him. He literally tracked Tosh down and made a deal to get her out of a UNIT prison. He did his research finding them, making sure they were right, convincing them to join him. He did, essentially, save them and allow them a space to remake themselves.
And for the most part he treats the two of them in a sort of paternal way. Owen, especially, but both of them. He's firm when he needs to be, and gentle when he needs to be, but there's this sort of distant yet intense protectiveness of them. Like the way a parent still sees their child as a vulnerable thing that needs caring for, even after their child is a fully grown adult. His love for them is extremely protective, but he's not close with them, he doesn't confess his thoughts or feelings to them except in dire circumstances like in Dead Man Walking when he's with Owen in the jail.
So his loss of them is a loss of a father because, in a sense, he created who they were in Torchwood. He found them, worked to recruit them. He gave them a space to grow and learn and change and hone their talents, and he supported and taught and molded them. They were part of his earliest hand-picked team, too, so they were there for long enough that they saw the growing pains, and they were his, in a way that I think he was sort of convinced they'd be with him for a long time, which is why he was so desperate to bring Owen back the first time. He loved them so much he kind of forgot Torchwood has a high mortality rate, sort of in the way a parent assumes they won't bury their child.
On the other hand, both Ianto and Gwen kind of recruited themselves. Ianto harassed Jack into a job, and Gwen unintentionally brute-forced herself out of Retcon in such a spectacularly dramatic way that it got her a job. They found him, not the other way around.
Jack's relationship with them is different. He's closer to them, less paternal, more confessional, more romantic. It's interesting that he sees them both as potential (and in Ianto's case, eventual) love interests. It seems like he doesn't feel quite as responsible for them, or at least he feels responsible in a different way. He's able to open up to them about himself in a way that he doesn't do with Tosh and Owen. And he's not as put off when they question him. It's almost as if because they independently forced themselves into the job, they're more like equals, or rivals, or something. There's a different sort of potential relationship there from Owen and Tosh.
But it also means that he doesn't or can't love them in the same way. I think somehow he subconsciously thinks he can stop himself from falling in love romantically, but he doesn't seem to think about that parental type of love. So he tries to keep his distance from Gwen and Ianto a bit, knowing he'll hurt them and they'll hurt him. But he doesn't take Owen and Tosh into account. But it does mean that Ianto's loss is different one. It's a grief of a romantic type, the loss of a lover, but it's also this awful "what if" that hangs there, what if Jack had been willing to be closer, had been willing to have a proper relationship with Ianto while it lasted instead of this sort of weird undefined thing, what if Ianto had lived, etc. And Gwen, too, becomes a "what if," in a living sense, once she's married to Rhys. That frisson is always there between them, but once she and Rhys are married it becomes a sort of hypothetical between them, what if she'd chosen Jack, what if they took it past the abstraction of yearning into something real, what if what if, etc. Only it's not mourning, it's something else entirely because she's still there with him.
I just find it so interesting that the two hand-picked members Jack seems to see as his children and the two who forced their way into to Torchwood he seems to see as potential romantic interests.
122 notes · View notes
yanderes-galore · 1 month
Note
Yan!Sansa Rom. Headcanons?
I must warn you, I have not seen all of GOT or read the books fully. As a result, Sansa's character may seem off. However, I researched certain events, so I have some ideas I'd like to write down for the poor woman- I might return to this later or rewrite it if I feel my thoughts have changed.
Yandere! Sansa Concept
(Focuses more on Show! Sansa)
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Heavy themes of abuse (Sansa's history, Darling is "fine" for the most part), Manipulation, Overprotective behavior, Soft yandere, Isolation, Delusional behavior, Dubious relationship.
Tumblr media
Sansa, in both books and show from what I've seen, has gone through a lot.
She used to be privileged and seemed to lack empathy due to that.
However... Once she's been treated poorly, she doesn't want anyone else to go through the same.
This makes me think that Sansa, after everything she's been through, would not want to harm her obsession or push them too hard.
Let's think about the trauma she's gone through.
Several forced marriages, misogyny, manipulation, being held captive, family members killed, many other things I'd rather not say.
By the time she'd meet her obsession, she'd hate to put them through Hell.
She's gone through many abusive husbands.
She doesn't want to be an abusive partner to you.
By the time she meets you, she's already gone through the pits.
Sansa, no matter what version or how much power she gains, she may want to be softer to you.
She'd be friends with her obsession, someone who has been an ally where she's had none.
Sansa really does need someone who won't have ulterior motives.
Sansa is a character who is trying to survive.
She needs someone who can aid her through all the abuse, manipulation, and trauma.
You no doubt know what she's gone through due to being her friend.
Not in the same way (Hopefully), but you'd be the one she cries to every night.
Sansa would not want to be like her abusers to you.
Which, I feel, would make her a softer yandere to you.
She wouldn't kill people in front of you, she wouldn't force you into anything, she wouldn't want you to hate or fear her...
She wants you to love her... mutually.
She used to fall for fictional tales of love and romance... ones where love is soft...
She never got that with any betrothals she got.
So... while it may be childish... she wants that soft kind of love with you....
She'd never force you into marriage.
She'd wait for you to be ready... even if she feels jealousy towards other potential suitors.
Sansa, by the time she gains some freedom, wants to love only you.
Even when she becomes Queen of Winterfell (In the show), she doesn't really wish to control you... much.
The most I can see Sansa controlling her obsession is subtle.
She'd say small lies or manipulate a system for your benefit.
She'd never hit you, never make you bleed, never harm you...
She isn't Cersei, Joffery, Ramsay, Littlefinger... none of them.
She's her own person and she'll never harm the one she loves.
She tries not to, anyways.
But... Everyone fights for what they love at some point.
She'd never harm your family or those close to you unless pressed.
Unless you're hurt or they try to hurt her... she won't harm a soul.
Sansa would be very soft with affection.
Her touch is gentle, she often asks how you feel.
She'll stick to hugs or gentle touches if you wish... only ever kissing you if you ask and only trying something further when you're comfortable.
Sansa wants your love, yet she'd never take it.
If you love someone else, it hurts...
Yet Sansa will be patient.
She may not take your love by slaughtering those around you, but she's still capable of lies.
She tells herself this isn't hurting you.
Exposing dirt on those you're close to... won't hurt the bond between you.
As a victim of what she's gone through, she doesn't like the thought of putting you through what she went through.
She doesn't put you through what she went through... but you're still manipulated in some way.
Who isn't in the Game of Thrones?
Sansa knows you trust her.
She's had that trust before.
She cherishes your trust.
Which is why, when she has to do the dirty work, she does it out of sight.
She wants you to view her in a positive light.
She wants you to experience that fantasy type of love with her.
The one with soft kisses and sweet words.
The one where you feed one another and hold each other in your arms.
She's tired of all the hurt... which is why she can't let you go.
Surely you'll enjoy Winterfell with her, right?
It may be cold... but she'll keep you warm.
Sansa no doubt genuinely loves you.
She has no motives to harm you compared to others.
She doesn't own you.
You are your own person, just like her... she just tends to... influence your surroundings.
She gives you an illusion of freedom... unintentionally most of the time.
Those you talk to are those she approves of.
Anyone overly friendly or trying to court you is removed.
This is her fantasy...
No one can interfere.
What I'm trying to depict is Sansa is seemingly a "better" yandere than most, but still has her selfish flaws.
She's still not the best for you due to her jealousy and ambition to create a fantasy love life.
She wants the love life she lost.
While she tries not to force you into anything, she wants marriage.
Even if you are a fellow woman, she will only ever take your hand.
Sansa, due to all her trauma, wants a fantasy life to retreat to.
Anyone who falls by her hand is out of sight from you.
She'll get that fantasy life she's always wanted... and you'll be happy...
You must be happy... she could never hurt you... right...?
49 notes · View notes
strdwvlly · 5 months
Text
i know a gazillion people have done this already but... i'm gonna post my stardew valley bachelor/ette age hcs + my reasoning hehe
to start this off, i want to say that this is based on what concernedape said about all of them being 20+ but they're also all my personal hcs so i understand if you disagree!
ok that being said, here we go
- maru: 22. she works as a nurse as well as helping her dad with research, i think she's young but not Too young ykwim? demetrius is also really strict so it adds to her seeming young
- penny: 23. it seems like she's been teaching the kids for a few years already even though she hasn't gone to college yet, she also seems older than she is cus she's had to parent her mother :/
- sam: 25. since he lives at home, i think people think he's younger but tbf i know a lot of mid 20 somethings who live at home (me included until recently). i also think jodi and kent had him really young, like 18ish, typical military couple situation
- sebastian: 27. he remembers a time before robin married demetrius so he has to be at least 4 years older than maru, and i think he's a little older because i don't think robin gave birth immediately after getting remarried
- abigail: 23. she's comfortable hanging out with sam and sebastian but definitely seems younger than them, plus she's doing online school which tends to take longer than traditional uni
- alex: 20. to be honest he just seems like the youngest to me, he still wears his varsity jacket and has big dreams of playing gridball and stuff. also a lot of unresolved trauma.
- haley: 22. she's bratty but in a cute tsundere way which makes me think she might be on the younger side. plus she gives me (and everyone else) huge closeted lesbian vibes, so i feel like she hasn't fully come into her identity yet
- emily: 30. i feel like there's a significant age gap between her and haley cus she has second mom vibes and they also seem to have some friction in terms of responsibilities because emily does a lot for haley
- leah: 31. she gives me huge "i hit 30 and realized i needed to change my entire life" energy when she talks about leaving her ex and moving to stardew valley
- harvey: 34. i think he's the oldest, like he doesn't feel ancient but at the same time he had to have gone through med school and his residency so 34 feels comfortable
- shane: 31. he seems older because of the depression and the trauma, but i don't think he's past his early 30s yet, he kinda stopped taking care of himself so it just looks that way
- elliott: 32. he's got big "phd student who abandoned a career in academia to write his great american novel" type vibes, and he's not really self conscious about being very poetic and flowery so i think he's out of his tumultuous twenties
75 notes · View notes
fruitsoxs · 7 months
Note
Hi!! can i request fluffy stuff about The Emperor and Omeluum? (it can be hcs or small blurbs,you choose!!) :3
yess! ive never written for them before so i hope i do them justice!
pairings; the emperor x reader, omeluum x reader warnings; none notes; struggled a tiny bit with this one - but i think i wrote something pretty cute. requests are open!
Tumblr media
The Emperor 
Your limbs ache as you lay down to finally get some much needed rest. After a full day of adventuring through Faerûn, you deserve some time to yourself. The day you just had was particularly bad. Filled with battle upon battle. Your arms ache from swinging around your weapon, and your legs are basically screaming to be given a break. You may have come out a little worse for wear as well. You have bandages covering your mid section, along with bruises and cuts on your face. It was…an intense day. You stretch your arms above your head and groan, finally relaxing.
A yawn exits your throat, and you turn over. The moment you close your eyes, you find yourself drifting into a peaceful sleep. When you open your eyes, however, you are not back at camp. You sit up slowly, eyeing the area around you. Familiarity sets in when you realize you are currently in your dream visitor’s realm. You look around for the mind flayer in question, smiling when your eyes land on the figure. He’s in his real form, back turned away from you as he looks over the realm.
You push yourself onto your feet, walking over to him slowly. You go to put your hand on his shoulder, but his voice stops you before you can make contact. 
“You are very daring.” he says, still looking away. 
You’re not sure how to respond to that, eyes blinking in confusion. Is that all he pulled you here to say? “I’m sorry?” you ask. He lets out a low chuckle, one that seems more afraid than amused. “Don’t be sorry. It’s a part of you I have always admired greatly. Your determination, your bravery, it all makes you…amazing.” his words are calculated, with a bit of warmth beneath them. “However… It… makes me nervous when you charge head first into battle.” he says after taking a breath.
The realization that he’s worried about you hits you like a punch from an enemy. You stand there awestruck for a moment, letting a silence wash over. After a while you clear your throat, and let your hand rest on his arm softly. He stiffens at the touch, before turning his head down to look at you. 
“I’m okay.” you mumble, reassuringly. 
He doesn’t say anything for a moment. He simply reaches out and cups your face with his hand. “You could have died today.” he turns fully towards you, and in his eyes you can see just how scared he is. “But I didn’t.” you respond, nudging your head into his grasp. He takes his other hand and cups your other cheek. Now with both of his hands on your face, he tilts your head up to look into his eyes. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”
He leans forward and rests his forehead against yours, his eyes squeezed shut. You let the moment play out, placing your hands on his. The two of you stand there in silence for what feels like forever. Here, you are safe. Here you are loved. 
He finally pulls away, letting hsi touch linger for a moment. “Thank you.” he whispers.
“For what?”
“For allowing me this moment to hold you.”
Omeluum
The thing about the Underdark, is that it is never really safe. You may find some places more pleasant than others, but danger still lurks at every corner. You never know what monster or spore you may run into. Even with having vast knowledge of the place, you are bound to get hurt at some point. That makes the moments of calmness extra special. Still, you wouldn't dare live anywhere else. Your research is very important to you. Not only that, but you’ve managed to find something truly special in your pursuit of knowledge. 
You hum a bit as you look over the resources you managed to score on your last outing, mind at ease now that you’re finally back at the Myconid Colony. A short gasp leaves your lips as a hand wraps around your waste, pulling you back. “ You should know better than to allow your mind to wander here.” the voice of Omelumm invades your senses. Your body unstiffens when you realize who it is, a smile appearing on your lips. 
“I need not worry here. I know that I have you to look after me.” You express, leaning back into his  touch. Omelumm hums at the thought, looking over your shoulder to see what you’ve brought back. “How was your outing?”he asks. You shrug. “It was alright. I didn’t manage to gather much. I didn’t really feel like putting my life in danger today.” You respond. “I would rather you not put yourself in danger at all.”
“That’s a little difficult to do here.”
You turn around to face Omeluum, hands resting on his chest. He wraps his other arm around you, face tilted down to meet your gaze. “Besides, who would gather all of your research supplies if not me?” you ask in a teasing manner. He lets out a deep chuckle. “I suppose you’re right. I should trust you to protect yourself.” 
“I don’t mind you protecting me a tiny bit.” 
You turn your face to the side, pressing a soft kiss in the palms of one of his hands. His voice wavers as he says his next words. “Then I shall protect you. You may depend on me.”
You smile up at him. His eyes are soft as he looks down at you. You know you can depend on him, and he may depend on you as well. Together you are safe.
Yes, the deep dark is rather dangerous. The work is hard, and you often find yourself longing for sunlight. There’s not a doubt in your mind that you would stay here for a million years though. If being here means you get to stay by Omeluum’s side, then you’re perfectly content with all the downsides.  
93 notes · View notes
jewbeloved · 1 year
Note
Hello Hello! Could you do Craig,Kyle, Damien and Cartmen with nonverbal autistic s/o who uses communication cards? :D
Craig, Kyle, Damien, and Cartman with a autistic s/o🌈♥️♥️
Note: I'm autistic as well, but I don't use communication cards so I hope this post still seems accurate for you.
Warnings: Cartman being an asshole.
Gender: Neutral
Tumblr media
💙 Craig Tucker 😐
Tumblr media
Get yourself a man like Craig, he's such a wholesome sweet boyfriend to have. But....you might have to explain what exactly communication cards are to him.....
Once he gets the hang of it, he can respond to your saying and needs by whatever card you show him.
Need to let him know you want to use the bathroom? Just pull out a card that has something to do with "I need the toilet" and he's completely fine with you going to the bathroom, even if you both are in the middle of something.
Not everyone exactly understands your communication cards so Craig will be glad to help translate what you said if you're speaking to someone.
You gotta admit, he found this similar to sign language except the words are on cards.💙💙💙💙💙
💚 Kyle Broflovski 🌈
Tumblr media
Immediately researches about autism and communication cards because this boy is hella confused.
He can understand if you're not willing to speak verbal so he wouldn't mind doing the talking for you if you will let him.
I feel like Kyle would be more used to sign language so it will take some time for him to understand when you're speaking with communication cards.
He'll be able to understand completely once he gets the hang of it <3 don't worry, he's a fast learner.
He'll probably make you a hand made box to keep your communication cards in! In case you need them of course so you don't end up losing them or anything.💚💚💚💚💚
🖤 Damien Thorn 🩸
Tumblr media
Communication cards??? what's that?
Again, this boy lives in hell for most of his life he doesn't know about these communication stuff humans use 😭 please help him out again.
So you communicate with cards that have pictures and words on them to indicate what you're saying or what you want? He's definitely writing this down so he can remember.
He'll probably steal a laptop so he can research more of this stuff on the internet so he can understand more.
Somebody steal your communication cards or judges you for how you communicate? Damien will send em right to his dad to burn in hell. Nobody disrespects his s/o like that.
Even though he doesn't understand this stuff all the way, he still tries to do everything he can to understand. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
❤️ Eric Cartman 🍖
Tumblr media
Not surprisingly, but he's mean. He'd make fun of your cards and tell you that you're not in "preschool" anymore.
You'd snap or punch him afterwards but he'd whine.
He'll pretend to understand when you're trying to explain to him what communication cards are, but he's actually not listening.
Eventually sucks it up and try to understand.
He's surprisingly fully understanding what the communication cards mean after learning about them.
He won't make fun of you anymore, only if you give him cheesy poofs in return.
Tumblr media
IM SORRY IF THIS WAS SHORT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO WRITE!
169 notes · View notes
Text
Architect Sanctuaries and Storage.
So! I feel like we don’t talk about the Sanctuary caches from Subnautica enough as it relates to Below Zero.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Like. First of all, Al-An, where are you going, your people are here. You’re not gonna check to see if anyone else is trapped in a sanctuary with failing power like you were? Granted, I think the Sanctuaries in The Crater are probably Hooked up to the Alien Thermal Plant so they’ll be fine as long as the lava zone continues to be hot. Probably why Ryley wasn’t getting any alien distress signals. But the threat of Kharaa has more or less passed, and these Architects were part of Al-An’s research team, you’d think he’d do something.
Tumblr media
It’s recommended to put them in a compatible medium as soon as possible, you said it yourself get down there and fabricate more bodies!
Also. On the “factory reset” point. I feel the need to point a couple things out.
First of all, in the Dunes Cache, you can download this from the alien terminal
Tumblr media Tumblr media
(Side note this entry specifically is so revealing about Architect society and stuff. PLUS entire other Architect character like I have so many thoughts. Might get its own post at some point I dunno)
It seems like they were storing the memories like… separately from the individual. They were probably also backed up on the network if Al-An’s comments in the whole “How do humans cope with the loss of memories” conversation are anything to go by.
I think the memories just end up feeling less like something the Architect actually experienced personally and more like something they heard about. Like they lose some personal connection to the events.
but still. I think if the Architect’s technology had a flaw like that they’d be working to fix it. And that leads me to a theory on why the Sanctuaries in the first game are so different to Sanctuary Zero where we find Al-An.
I think that with Kharaa meaning Sanctuary sites more vital than probably ever, improving the technology behind them would’ve probably been a priority. I think Sanctuary Zero is perhaps some sort of prototype for improved Sanctuary technology. Sanctuary Zero is bigger, despite storing only one Architect, while the Sanctuary Caches in the first game are implied to store multiple. It’s got this big bulky Architect Containment Cube to put Al-An in, and the PDA makes a point of noting that whoever’s stored inside is able to remain fully conscious with “whole brain emulation” something we don’t seem to see in the first game’s Sanctuaries.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
I think the Network decided to stick Al-An in this instead of a normal Sanctuary both because they needed to test it anyway, and after what he did it’s possible they didn’t really care if it went wrong and he was lost in the process. If it did work, he’d have to continue to carry that emotional weight even if he got a new body, and he’d be forced to be awake, thinking about what he’d done in the thousand years before then. I think the Network would’ve found that to be an apt punishment, without it being only for punishment’s sake, but also part of Sanctuary research. More efficient that way.
52 notes · View notes
lightgirlification · 1 month
Text
In Stars and Time: After Story Chapter 3
CW: Intrusive thoughts
Chapter 3 finally here! Hope you all enjoy! <3
Chapter 3
“And has sketching and wood carving been improving your moods lately?” Odile asked, holding a book full of notes she had taken while talking with Siffrin, who nodded,
“I think so. I take care not to carve when I’m really feeling down, if that…makes sense.” He was too afraid to say the reason why, but Odile gave a smile,
“It does, and I’m proud of you for making that decision.” Siffrin gave a shy smile back, it always felt good to be praised for his actions. His family knew he was genuinely trying to better himself, to talk just as promised. While he had several issues at first and honestly still did, he found himself slowly opening up more and letting the others help him. One of these forms of assistance was having private talks with Odile, where he spoke about topics he felt he couldn’t with the others, such as some occurrences that happened in specific loops. It helped greatly, and he knew he could trust Odile with the information, not that he didn’t trust the others of course. It’s just that telling someone other than Odile right now would be too much, and everyone understood that. Siffrin still felt undeserving of it all, of their love and acceptance but…
You don’t deserve it. Not at all.
Siffrin picked at his gloves, trying to ignore the thought.
“You’re thinking negatively again.” Siffrin blinked at Odile’s voice, and realized his glove picking gave away his train of thought, “What’s on your mind?” The said scissor craft user shifted in his seat,
“I just…”
Don’t say anything.
Ignore that, Odile will see through you. You promised you talk, it will help. Siffrin took a deep breath, in…and out…Letting it sooth his tightening throat and stomach that began to twist,
“I feel like I don’t deserve what I have. I know you all believe I do; I want to believe I do. But it’s hard to see it, when I think about how I am I just feel like a handful sometimes.” Odile hummed,
“While I agree you are a handful, it’s for different reasons then you think.” She gave a smirk, “You do realize I have to deal with you kids every day. Who wouldn’t get worn out from all your and the others’ antics?” Siffrin chuckled a little bit, “Jokes aside, we are happy you are here Siffrin, and we believe you are more than deserving of what you’ve obtained. Don’t forget what I said, you are very lovable. Isabeau certainly seems to think so.” She teased, and the rogue blushed, “We all know you try your best every day. I understand it’s hard for you to see it, but you are making such improvements no matter how little.” The Researcher wrote down in the notebook for a bit. At first the sound of it made Siffrin anxious, but now it was sort of comforting. Knowing that Odile was taking notes to make sure he would be helped to the fullest. Which brought him to the next thought: Therapy.
Odile had mentioned it a few times when they started their sessions, and Siffrin wasn’t fully okay with the idea. First off, no matter how Odile wrote it, how could a therapist help someone that had literally looped through time? Would they even believe it? And even then, how could Siffrin trust a stranger with personal information? Odile was one thing, but a complete stranger…Siffrin shivered at the thought.
“Something on your mind?” The paper craft user asked.
“…Do we have to look for a therapist?” Siffrin grumbled, and Odile set the notebook down on the table. Siffrin could maybe read some notes if he wanted, but thought against it,
“We’ve been over this Siffrin. I can help, but I am no professional. I cannot give you the support needed to truly ease your mental struggles.” Siffrin's gaze turned slightly desperate,
“But these talks help just fine! I don’t need anything else; I just need all of you!” Odile looked at them understandingly, but thy also knew she would not budge,
“Siffrin. While we are thrilled to know you trust us immensely, you must understand that we can’t fully assist you in ways we truly want. We can give advice, comfort you, and provide you with a safe space to decompress, but when it comes to how the mind works when regarding trauma and illnesses-”
“I’m not sick.” Siffrin interrupted, “I’m not…sick…” They hated that term, ‘mental illness’. They weren’t sick, not anymore, they were getting better too, they weren’t ill at all. He was scared that Odile would be upset at their words, but she simply leaned forward and spoke in a calm voice,
“I’m not saying you are Siffrin, mental illnesses are not to be ashamed of. It doesn’t mean you are different than anyone else, you just need a helping hand. Do you think Mirabelle is sick or different because of her anxiety?” Siffrin swiftly shook his head looking horrified at the thought, “Then you don’t deserve to feel that way about yourself either.” Odile began to write again, “We are all human, some of us just need some help and there is no shame in it. I’m sure you are learning that day by day.” Siffrin let out a noise as he nodded, letting it all sink in,
“Mira…takes medicine.”
“She does.”
“Will I have to…take medicine?”
“That is not for me to decide, but if it will help you, then it’s not out of the realm of possibilities.” Siffrin looked away with a grimace, but his eye turned back to Odile as her hand held his, “It will be okay. No matter what we are not going anywhere.” Siffrin smiled with knitted eyebrows, Odile smiling back at him before she pulled away, “I believe we are done for the day. Why not see if you can help one of the others? Take your mind off things.” Siffrin nodded, standing up as he walked towards the door before stopping at it, hand on the knob,
“Odile?” She turned to face him,
“Yes?” Siffrin gulped, feeling the thought eating away at him gnawing at his brain stem,
“How have you been feeling?” He asked, not able to look at her. It was quiet for a bit, but soon the woman sighed,
“I know what you’re thinking Siffrin, and I am fine; truly. I’ve been recovering and am faster than I was when I woke up 4 months ago.”
She’s just trying to make you feel better. She is still as slow as she was back then.
Siffrin gripped the door knob tightly, and Odile crossed her arms, “Siffrin, don’t start holding your thoughts in on me now.”
“I won’t. I’ll talk to you later Odile!” He smiled at her, and then left the room. He leaned against the door once it shut; maybe he wasn’t getting as good at talking as he originally thought…Sighing, he pushed himself upward and began walking, maybe Bonnie needed help with dinner.
“Ah! Siffrin!” The bright-haired adult turned his head to see Mirabelle walking towards him with some books. He gave a soft smile,
“The nearby library have a good selection Mira?” Mirabelle nodded happily, stopping in front of the other,
“Yes! It even had the newest release of ‘The Monster that Chased Me into Romance’!” Siffrin stared at her,
“A…Monster romance?” Mirabelle nodded again,
“Yes! I haven’t read anything like it before, but I am very interested in seeing what lies within its pages! Is it a daring tale of a dashing royal who falls in love with a monster who can’t love themselves? Does the monster reciprocate those feelings? Will it end in happiness or tragedy?!” Mirabelle jumped excitedly in place a little, “I can’t wait to start reading it!” Siffrin chuckled,
“Be sure to tell me all about it.”
“I will! Maybe we can read it together!” Siffrin nodded, he’d like that, “Oh! Before I forget!” She reached in the pile and handed him a book with a sparkling tree on the cover, surrounded by stars, “I was able to find one of the books that belonged to your home! The library is allowing me to keep it since, well no one else can read it.” Siffrin’s eye shimmered as he quickly took the book and held it in his hands. It had been quite some time since a library they ran into held one of his country’s books. In some instances, the libraries didn’t carry them, they either were lost or thrown out for being ‘useless’. Siffrin always got angered by the latter reason, they weren’t ‘useless’, people just couldn’t read them. If he had been able to read them earlier then maybe…No, don’t think of that right now Siffrin. He had to focus on the book in his hands right now. Focus on the positives, just like Odile taught him. He read the title:
‘Flowers of the Island and the Meanings Behind Them’
“So? What is it about, if you don’t mind me asking!” Siffrin laughed softly and shook his head,
“It’s fine. It’s a book about the Island’s flowers.” Siffrin brushed a hand over the book’s cover, “I don’t remember any of the Island’s plants, so this is a nice find. Maybe I’ll recall…” He grew quiet. When he tried to remember anything related to his home, he couldn’t place the pieces together at all, or it was like he forgot his train of thought completely. But it was…getting better to an extent. He could begin grasping the memories slightly and come to conclusions that could bring him comfort, at least he wasn’t getting nearly as bad of headaches as he used to.
“Can we read together Mira?” He asked, and Mirabelle beamed,
“Of course! Let’s go to the living room!” Siffrin followed her to the said area of the building. In their travels the group had stayed at many places: the Clocktower, inns, even other people’s homes; Siffrin was still unsure about that last option. Sometimes, however, all of them were offered a vacant home to use, free of charge, as thanks for saving the country. Siffrin at first felt it was too much to ask for but being able to stay somewhere just with his family, with no worries of other people stumbling in on private affairs made him much more comfortable with the idea. Siffrin wasn’t one for crowds, even before joining Mirabelle’s journey. Something about being looked at, the eyes on him, thinking that people would find him strange and silently judging him…
Siffrin had to take a breath, don’t think about it, breathe.
Sitting next to Mirabelle on the couch, letting her lean on him a little, they opened their respective books to begin reading. The book’s pages were slightly old, but vibrant, and his eye studied over every inch of them. Despite it being a book just about flowers, Siffrin felt it brought them closer to the Island. The books he was able to obtain always made him feel like he was regaining pieces of himself that were lost. He didn’t believe he was without a home, however. His family here was his home, and even if he couldn’t remember his parents, he was hopeful they loved him despite everything.
“Oh my!” Siffrin jumped at the sudden exclamation from Mirabelle, “The princess is the monster, and a writer is in love with her! They’ve been writing love letters but have never sent any to her. They believe they’ll never be noticed but the princess sneaks out to buy their writings!” Mirabelle looked at Siffrin, “When do you think they’ll meet? Do you believe the two of them will fall in love at first sight, or will it blossom over time?” Mirabelle caught herself and panicked, “I-I’m sorry! I’m probably overwhelming you!” Siffrin smiled,
“It’s alright Mira. I’m glad you are enjoying it so far, though in my opinion I think it’d be better if their get to know each other first.” Mirabelle hummed joyfully,
“I agree, in the world of stories if written well, ‘Love at First Sight’ can be a sweet tale! However, when it comes to real life, a relationship needs to be worked on. I may not wish to be in one but want nothing but the best for those who desire another’s love.” She looked at Siffrin, “On that note, has anything new happened between you and Isabeau?” The rogue blushed before playing with his hair,
“Nothing much. We just…Like being next to each other. I don’t know if he wants more from me, but he always takes things at my pace.” Siffrin played with his hands, “I am…worried maybe he’ll be bored of me because I’m not giving enough to him.” Mirabelle was silent for a moment, before holding Siffrin’s hands and pulling them to her,
“Don’t ever think you aren’t enough for him Siffrin. Isabeau views you as something so precious, he just wants to make sure youare comfortable with how you feel about things.” Siffrin seemed worried,
“I know, and I do let him in, it’s just…Mira he’s so good to me, I don’t want to ruin it.” Mirabelle smiled softly,
“You won’t. And before you start thinking about it, you won’t ruin what you have with the rest of us.” Siffrin’s eye held sadness,
“But…You’re still dealing with what I said 4 months ago. And don’t lie Mira.” Mirabelle grew silent once again, and all that could be heard was the ticking of a clock. However, the housemaiden’s grip tightened slightly,
“I am still trying to find the right moment to speak with you about it. The words did affect me badly, I didn’t want to face them for the longest time.” Mirabelle placed a hand on Siffrin’s cheek, “But it doesn’t mean I will stop caring about you Siffrin. We can talk about it soon, but I’m not going to leave you from words you said when overwhelmed and in pain. Maybe you meant some of it, maybe you didn’t, what matters to me is that we didn’t lose you.” She gave another smile, “I am not going to shout or scream, we can just talk about how we feel. We’re ‘Feelings Buddies’ remember?” Siffrin felt his eye become glassy, but he grinned happily at her words. He always worried how she and the others felt, but perhaps he had nothing to fear,
“We are. Thank you, Mira.” He looked down at his book, seeing a flower that stood out to him. The aster, symbolizing wisdom, faith, valor, and love; his family described in the petals Siffrin thought. He smiled.
o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o
Bonnie had been stirring the pot of soup while Siffrin helped prepare the ingredients for it and other dishes the group would be having that night. The preteen had settled on leek and butter bean soup which also held crispy kale and bacon. It was interesting to say the least, and considering how delicious it smelled Siffrin knew this would be another night where his stomach would be immensely pleased. He always wondered how Bonnie became such a wonderful chef at this age, considering they blew up the kitchen once and their sister wouldn’t let them use it. Maybe he can ask, it couldn’t hurt right?
“Hey Bonnie?” The said child was very focused on their cooking, but still responded,
“Huh? What’s up 'Frin? Did you you mess up making salad?” The rogue rolled his eye smiling,
“Of course not, I know how to make a salad. Especially under your teachings.” Bonnie smirked proudly,
“Duh. Salads are so simple I can make with my eyes closed!” Siffrin’s gaze was warm,
“You’ve must have practiced a lot. Did Nille teach you?” Bonnie slowly stopped stirring, becoming lost in their thoughts,
“Nille was nervous to teach me after I blew up the kitchen one time, something about protecting me until I was older. I still wanted to learn though, so I made dishes when she wasn’t home or was sleeping.” Siffrin tilted his head,
“How did you manage to do it without her noticing?” Bonnie’s lips pursed,
“…I ate everything I made.” Siffrin gaped at them,
“Even the bigger dishes??”
“I-I couldn’t let her know!” Bonnie exclaimed, “I felt full all the time, maybe sick a little bit, but I made sure to hide it! She didn’t ever notice so there was no problem!” The bright-haired adult doubted that. She had to have noticed, but never said anything. Bonnie probably didn’t think so, but Nille likely trusted them more then they realized, “I was gonna make a big dinner for her when I felt confident enough, but when I finally did…” Bonnie expression became pained, “…Nille told me to run, run as fast as I could. She didn’t even get to try the food I made for her…” They looked ready to cry and Siffrin felt his heart drop. Why did he think asking what he did was a good idea?
You only bring pain to those you love. You’re a parasite.
Siffrin closed his eye and took a deep breath, before they turned their gaze back to the salad they were preparing before,
“I’m sorry Bonnie, I…shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s fine. Nille is unfrozen now, and she probably saw the food on the table when she went in the house!” Siffrin’s eye looked at Bonnie who was grinning now, “I know she was impressed, who wouldn’t be at how I cook?” Siffrin blinked before smiling in relief. Knowing Bonnie was focusing on the positives now brought him comfort, he needed to focus on the positives too. “Oh! I got a letter from Nille today!” Siffrin looked at Bonnie with great interest,
“Oh?”
“Yeah! She is really excited to see me and everyone! I did tell her in my previous letter that you all protected me from the King and I trust you all so much.” Siffrin had to control himself as to not flinch. His mind pictured a hand squeezing and he shut his eye tightly, losing his balance a little and he held the countertop to stay upright. Bonnie let go of the spoon they were using and turned completely to Siffrin,
“Are you okay 'Frin? Is the smell too strong?” Siffrin shook his head,
“No, I…I’m okay. Just remembered something I’d rather not.” A promise he couldn’t keep. Bonnie tilted their head, but Siffrin simply smiled,
“Tell me more about your letter, it’ll help me feel better.” Bonnie didn’t seem convinced, but nodded,
“Well, I did tell her that I fought lotsa sadnesses, and you all wouldn’t let the King touch me. I had to go with you all to face him, because I woulda been frozen otherwise. I told her I didn’t want to break my promise to her, to keep fighting, and even if I’m still too small in her eyes I…didn’t want to give up.” They returned to stirring the soup, “I also wrote about wanting to travel with everyone with her. She told me she was proud and happy I helped you all, but she wants to talk when we all got to Bambouche. I’m scared she won’t let me stay, that I will get left behind…” Siffrin pat Bonnie on the head,
“It will be okay. We’ll all stay together for a while longer remember?” Bonnie nodded,
“Mhm, that’s what I want. Cause you all are family too.” Siffrin’s eye grew wide slightly, but soon his smile returned,
“That’s right.” They were family, and that meant they would always be connected. The younger tilted their head back in thought,
“I never asked what the other’s favorite dishes are. I think 'Dile mentioned something called sushi? It includes fish I know that. I need to ask 'Belle and 'Za about theirs.” Siffrin thought for a moment,
“I’m not sure about Mira’s, but I think Isa mentioned ‘ratatouille’ at some point to me.”
“Rataooy?” Siffrin snorted,
“Close enough. He said he had it when he was a child, and the taste stuck with him ever since.” Siffrin thought for a moment, “I think it brings him some type of comfort. I would like to surprise him with it...”
“Then let’s make it together!” Bonnie said eagerly, “Let’s find out Belle’s dish too so we can make all their favorite dishes! You and me can surprise them in a couple days, I have to find the recipes after all!” Siffrin blinked a few times at Bonnie’s excitement, but his lips upturned again in glee,
“I’d like that.” Seeing the looks on their faces, pleased and happy, would make Siffrin feel like he was providing his family with as much love as he could. That and cooking with Bonnie was always a fun activity. He imagined Isabeau’s face when seeing the ratatouille and blushed; the man had such a bright smile and for it to be meant for Siffrin…Suddenly, he heard Bonnie speak,
“Stop thinking about 'Za and focus on the salad!” Siffrin chuckled nervously,
“I was focusing! Mostly.”
“Focus ‘mostly’ on the salad then!” The rogue laughed as Bonnie stuck their tongue out.
24 notes · View notes
bananasfosterparent · 9 months
Text
For some reason it seems hard for people to understand a magical fantasy couple in a magical fantasy world outside of real life can have a relationship that's:
Evil (selfish)
Unhealthy
Dark
Morbid
Codependent
Posessive
Obsessive
BUT still be:
Functional
Enjoyable for the couple themselves
FULLY HAPPY
A positive experience for the couple
Just because a certain type of relationship will go a certain type of way in real life, doesn't mean it has to in an excapism fantasy where it wouldn't even need to.
Are Ascended Astarion and my Evil Tav a healthy couple that practice safe boundaries and constructive habits? No, absolutely not. Not at all.
Are they content with one another and able to find complete and utter joy in their union and dynamics in a way that is so overwhelmingly positive for both of them? Yes. And that's the fun of it. Since they don't exist in real life, there's no reason for their story to be tragic unless if I wanted it to be. 🤷🏽‍♀️
Nothing about real life matters in this context because I (as the artist and writer for my character and crafter of her story) am not someone who blurs the lines between fantasy and reality, therefore it is safe to indulge in this fantasy and not have to worry about myself wanting to seek this lifestyle in real life.
It's wild to me that so many seem to want to "protect" people from seeing the content and seeking "that sort of relationship" irl. As if it's some infection that will render people mindless. Why think so little of others? Can they not figure out how a block button works? Can they not block tags and keywords? Can they not remove themselves from posts and conversations that make them uncomfortable? Can they not distinguish real life from fantasy? Can they not research BDSM relationship dynamics for real life on their own?
They have google and access to real world communities for healthy couple dynamics in real life. Just as the rest of us do.
While you shouldn't purposely use a trigger against someone, there is no reason for people to censor themselves for roleplaying something innocent and fun, in the way the game intended.
You can disagree, hate AA all you want and that's perfectly fine. But please stop trying to make everyone else who likes him, hate him too. It's counterproductive, it's selfish, inconsiderate, and sometimes borderline victim blaming (when a great many AA fans themselves have trauma experience as well).
Our Tavs and Durges can have a perfectly imperfect relationship with him, be evil and happy with one another as much as we want them to be, and there's no argument against it that makes it a bad, non-canon, or awful thing.
70 notes · View notes