#but so utterly human
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I changed my mind. I think Past Lives deserves Best Picture
#it's so human#dreamy in a way#but so utterly human#I like stories about connection#whatever it may be#I'm just so lonely and I love my life through film characters
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If you're up for it could you explain what is making the Germany government stuff so funny? I can find news articles about it (a coalition is dissolving? There's been tension for a while?) but they're all fairly serious. Thx!
ohhh, sure thing! i'll do my best!
i'll say upfront: this is a pretty serious thing to happen. our chancellor fired our minister of finance, Lindner, which definitively breaks up the governing coalition. germany will likely have snap elections at a moment in which far-right parties are polling extremely well. if news coverage about it seems like people are Worried, that's because, well, they are.
however. the reason it's funny is because our minister of finance was fired. ministers aren't really... ever fired. like, it's not a done thing. i'll fully admit i didn't even know it was an option until yesterday. and our minister of finance wasn't just anyone, he was one of the most mocked and hated figures in politics to germans who vote anywhere left of center.
the coalition that governed until yesterday was made up of the green party, the social democrats, and the neoliberal party (FDP). the FDP is infamous (and i mean, my parents already raised me to hate them for that) for playing kingmaker in coalition governments: they never get all that many votes, but they get just enough that whoever they agree to form a government with will probably succeed. they then tend to force extreme concessions from their coalition partners, because hey, if we walk off, you can't govern at all! so you better play along!
for the past three years, this behaviour has been extremely frustrating for germans who voted for greens or social democrats, because policy from their faction was constantly being blocked by the FDP and often by Lindner personally. the FDP received 11,5% of votes in 2021, but to many of us, it felt as if they were the only party who really had any say in the governing coalition. it made the green and social democratic coalition partners look spineless and passive.
and now, i invite you to imagine how on the day of the US election results, the day the whole world rolled their eyes at the sheer fucking stupidity and pointlessness of it all, at NINE IN THE EVENING, just as germans are getting ready to settle in to bed to dream of nightmare global politics -
the news suddenly breaks that our notoriously invisible chancellor just decided to fire Lindner for that exact behaviour. this chancellor comes out and says, on camera, to the entire sleepy nation, that acting the way Lindner did - blocking necessary policies, refusing to approve budgets unless his party's interests were met - was childish, selfish, irresponsible, and unfit for government, so, whoops, he had to go. shame. coalition over, i guess.
so, politically, that was a long-needed but never-expected moment of triumph for those of us who think the FDP is a clown show made up of human TESLA shares, and it came at a hysterically funny moment.
on a personal level, i can barely explain how uniquely hateable Lindner has always been. he's what would happen if a stock index graph came to life. he hates poor people with a relish; he mocks welfare recipients and would ax minimum wages in a second. he's everyone's business major roommate who shows up in boat shoes fresh off a yacht to discuss NFTs with you. throughout the entire time that he's used his rich boy policy blackmail strategy, he's been smug about it, and he was never taken to task for it, and millions of germans have been longing to throw rotten fruit in his face since 2017. and now we finally get to do it. via memes. on the day of trump's election win.
so that's why it's funny.
#like the cocktail of emotions that Hit last night is utterly indescribable#our chancellor is FAMOUS for not speaking. like that's his whole thing. i've heard him say words maybe twice before#and suddenly there he is. bald. hamburgian. fresh from what must have been the most horrific 15 hour workday of his life.#and just comes out and tells the most annoying bug of a human being in his coalition to fuck off. dare we say iconic#but yeah on the whole things are looking pretty bad 🥰 i'm just a hater so this is great for me#hope this makes sense anon! sorry it's a lot of words!#asks#anon#germany#politics#< for blacklisting purposes lmao
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i love when ppl draw bumblebee like the happy little creachure he is but also i love when people draw bumblebee like he's had 500 beers in the last 1 hour and still the pain won't even ebb
#bonus when they do both by making him just utterly psychotic but he smiles so no one notices#i am a shameful idw bee enjoyer but like in the tired af ppl pleasing libra girl who needs a therapist so fking bad but#has 700000 billion duties and 900000000 billion expectations and mean bitches in his ear telling him hes stupid#sense#and not the he feels like an officer sense like no my queen is just a teachers pet doing her best which is her worst im afraid#anyways i love bee hes very indignant and a bitch but also im gonna stand beside her sorry#u do not understand how powerful it was to give him a cane . a literal crutch to hold onto to feel stronger even when ratchet says he doesnt#have to anymore but yet bee still insists bcs he doesnt have time for the repairs itll take when others cannot survive#and 2 it comforts him with support and also power and so he cradles it close with the idea of him being weak & needing smthing else#to make him strong#even tho at this point it's rlly just for comfort but he cant afford to allow himself to have comfort when others cant#or dont need it in his heroism ideals (specifically optimus being seen as so much stronger than him)#optimus also had bee tho. had him. but bee is so self conscious he just sees all his failures surrounding optimus & views himself not a#crutch to lean on but a crutch to optimus' character#he rlly needed rodimus and his fiery upbeat persona so they could fake it till they made it together and he left & fucking exploded#(in bees eyes)#like idk im just obsessed with this little tryhard loser#he islike a sad little clingy mother who refuses to think herself as human. she is just mother. lives off evrryones accomplishments#never her own#idk like hes so interesting tonme i want to kill him teehee#chew on him like sponge cak#bumblebee#transformers#tf bumblebee#tf idw#idw#tf#????#maccadam#i hate not knowing waht tag to use
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Reposting this from my twitter thread because it hasn't left my head (and adding a tiny bit more).
Seen so many questionable takes lately about the ivantill kiss, and I know everyone is allowed to have different opinions and interpretations but.
No, Ivan didn’t just pretend to kiss Till for the show. And no, he wasn't trying to make Till hate him either or trying to trigger him over his implied SA to snap him into action.
I think the whole point of the scene (confirmed by the creators) is Ivan finally breaking his mask of perfection and control and giving in to his messy, all consuming feelings, being selfish for once.
Yes, by the end before the strangling starts, he appears more clear headed and now focused on the objective of manipulating the score. But he doesn't really look at it until AFTER he starts strangling Till.
The kiss itself wasn't part of the strategy, or at least not entirely something calculated. Ivan could have skipped the kiss and strangled Till right away and gotten the same result.
The fact that he kissed him AGAIN after he started strangling him, more softly and 'personal', almost like a goodbye or an apology (whether for his selfishness or for their past), tells me he wanted it.
I think a last selfish act doesn't diminish the love he had for Till, it just shows the tragedy of ALNST. Ivan is only human after all. And no matter what kind of mask he built for himself and what illusion of control he had over his life, when faced with the real, imminent possibility of losing Till, he crumbled and did something unexpected.
I have more to say about the Ivan and Sua parallels and how he finally understands her in the Confession comic etc etc but I think I've yapped enough.
I just don't like it when people try to mold the narrative because they're uncomfortable with an unconsensual kiss. It's meant to be painful and heartwrenching, a reflection on Ivan's one sided-feelings and his desperation at the moment —to be seen for the first (and last) time, to not be left behind, to convey his emotions in the only way he could when being seconds away from death.
After all the team confirmed that Ivan is clumsy with emotions and only knows to convey them in 'childish' ways (the nuzzling against his face, the picking fights with Till and teasing him).
I think some people like to think of the kiss as something purely calculated and selfless because it makes it more 'palatable', but in my opinion this take washes out Ivan's character and the flaws that make him just as human, vulnerable and complex as the rest of the cast. He was willing to throw away his life and his perfect image because he wanted something that badly.
#ivantill#alnst#alien stage#someone on twitter added a very good point that the kiss not being premeditated works in ivan's favor because it humanises him and i agree#till has always been the one to bring out the most messy human side of him#the one he was utterly unable to pretend to be prince charming around#i just have SO MANY FEELINGS about this scene in general#also Qmeng and team seem very proud of her kiss drawing abilities and i think she'd be devastated if she read ppl saying he was just#playing pretend asdf#i think ivan not looking like he was enjoying it had less to do with it being calculated and more to do with him understanding the one-side#nature of his love and the gravity of the situation they were in
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In which Ford struggles so badly to relate to other people that he wonders if he’s really human at all. The more isolated he becomes, the harder it is to reconcile with his own humanity.
#my art#gravity falls#Stanford pines#ford pines#bill cipher#comic#eye strain#TIME TO DUMP EVERY ONE OF THE 27483949 THOUGHTS IVE HAD INTO THE TAGS BABY#OK!! SO!!!!#I feel like Ford would wonder why he and Stan (being identical twins) aren’t. yk. identical. shouldn’t Stan have polydactyly too?#as a kid he would dream about secretly being nonhuman and being whisked away to a fantastical world full of people like him#finally free of new jersey‚ finally somewhere he belongs#a lot of this disconnect from humanity came from utterly failing at social interactions while others (including stan) navigated them easily#the feeling waned after Stan was kicked out and he didn't have that direct comparison but it never left#then out in the wilderness of gravity falls‚ his isolation and immersion in Weirdness dragged it back up to the forefront#he deserves to have a breakdown over questioning his own nature. as a treat <3#color symbolism time bc I have a problem and use it at every available moment!!! blue and yellow get more vivid#the further from humanity the subject is#bill is entirely made w pure rgb blue and yellow (+ approximately 2674835 textures/layers/blending modes. I reached 150+ layers. help)#I like the idea that he would appear to ford like pure math considering hes a geometrical motherfucker and how the rest of the mindscape wa#I tried to mostly use trigonometry and related stuff for the Math Greebling. as well as fractals i love you forever fractals#MORE SYMBOLISM:#the grid-ish diamond pattern in all of the mindscape bgs (and elsewhere) is a penrose diagram of spacetime#which shows other universes on the other sides of black holes#SOMEONE ASK ME ABOUT MY EUCLYDIA HEADCANON LATER. IVE DUMPED ENOUGH DUMB HCS IN THESE TAGS ALREADY#BUT I THINK ITS VERY FUN#anyways. fuckt up guys n their egos influencing how they view humanity. bill tells ford hes as human as they come bc he was so easily foole#ford cant reconcile with his humanity bc of a failure to perform in one area#and then the immense guilt and shame over what hes done <3#I have So many ford characterization thoughts. no man nor god can stop me
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Who's taller machete or vasco
They should be about the same height. If you take away his heels (and I advise against it), Machete is a tiny bit shorter than Vasco, but then again he has those antenna ears and Vasco doesn't.
In their setting they're slightly above average height at roughly 6'0/180 cm.
#answered#another229#I've chosen not to account for the increase of average human height that has happened during just the past 100 years or so#generally speaking throughout history people have been shorter than they are today#mostly due to poor nutrition and health issues#I always find it so utterly delightful#when I go to buildings that were constructed like four hundred years ago and the doors are just#disproportionately tiny#or see very old garments displayed in museums and they look like they were made for teenagers
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Imagine being Orion in A Deadly Education.
People are mostly not that interesting to you. They don't like you so much as they like what you can do. Maybe at some point you tried to really connect with someone, and it didn't go that well, so you didn't keep trying. Fighting mals though? You're good at that. It makes sense to you, unlike most of the things people do. It's rewarding -- intrinsically rewarding -- and people seem to be happy that you're doing it? Because they don't like doing it but it benefits them. So, basically no downside.
And you go off to school and it's full of mals, and people think you're great because you fight the mals, and you ignore them as best you can when you're not fighting mals for them. (You're polite, your mother always wanted you to be polite and you don't want people to be mad at you. But you don't do anything beyond being polite.) And people seem to think you're doing a good thing. So. It's ok. It's good enough. The world makes sense, more or less. This is what you're for.
And one day you see a soul eater go under another student's door, and you destroy it like you always do. Except this person is mad at you. Which makes no sense. No one's ever been mad at you before, not for fighting mals. So apparently you did something wrong even though you only did what you always do which has always been right before. But you guess you should probably make it up to her? So when she says she needs to go to the shop at dinner you offer to go with her, why not?
Except somehow she's mad at you again. So you have to make it up to her even more now, you guess?
(You don't like it when people are mad at you, but you know what to do when people are mad at you. You Make It Up To Them, usually by doing whatever they tell you to or fighting a mal or both, and then they stop being mad at you. You prefer to understand why they are mad at you, but most of the time it makes no sense, and you know what to do when it makes no sense to you why someone is mad at you.)
So you guard her door while she fixes it. Which takes her a weirdly long time. You've just taken down several mimics, you're bursting with mana, you'd give her some if she asked. Mana has never been a scarce resource for you; on some level it hasn't really occurred to you that it could be a scarce resource for anyone else. People aren't that interesting to you, you don't think about them much, except when someone tells you to, like your mother making you do flash cards of other kids' names. But she doesn't ask, and she doesn't cheat either, she does things the long and hard way, which makes a third thing all coming from the same person that doesn't mesh with your pre-existing worldview. She's fascinating.
And then she pulls on your mana like it's nothing and she's even more fascinating. How did she do that? Is she a malificer? (Is that why she keeps being so mean to you, when nobody is ever mean to you?) What's going on?
And you've never voluntarily fought alongside anyone else before, but she's good to fight with. She's annoying, but she does also point out things you missed or didn't know.
And she stands up for you, in a way that nobody has ever stood up for you before. She's not nice. She's the opposite of nice. But it's starting to dawn on you that being nice is not the same as something else that seems like it should go with being nice. And if El is not nice to you but is that other thing, maybe some other people who are nice to you are...not that other thing to you?
It's a lot to think about.
Anyways. You like her. You're not very interested in people. But you are interested in El.
And then you have the best day of your life, when you've gotten to take on more mals and scarier mals than you've ever taken on before, and you did it and you were good at it, and you kind of didn't want to leave but you were supposed to leave because that was how the Mission worked, and then you were about to die because you missed the bell and the cleansing fires had started and there was nowhere to go, but at least you were going to die next to El.
But she didn't think she was going to die, and she cast a wall of mortal flame (who does that?) and it worked as a firebreak and you didn't die and no one had ever saved you before. That wasn't how the world worked. Who was this person who kept breaking the rules of how the world worked like they didn't even apply to her?
(And then you look around and she isn't there and you kissed her earlier when you thought you were both going to die, and she, uh, didn't react well and oh no, what if you've ruined everything what if you like her but she doesn't like you like that what if she won't want to be around you any more? What if the one interesting person in the entire world doesn't think you are interesting?) (it'd be ok, right? It was ok before.) (it wouldn't be ok. So maybe it wasn't ok before either.)
#a deadly education#the scholomance#Orion lake#a deadly education spoilers#the scholomance spoilers#they are two dorks who are utterly incapable of normal human interactions and I love them#the mortal flame was not the first time el saved Orion's ass#it was maybe the third#freezing the grogler and making sure he didn't go down to the graduation hall alone#at least#oh I just realized at the start of the book el said it would be ok if Orion#saved her life a ludicrously high number of times like 13#and at the end Orion says his count is 13#so I guess el got what she wanted there in a weird way?
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Prompt 299
Hear me out- Ghosts have wings. They have wings, which are affected by their cores, and can make them disappear from sight if they want or need to. You got that? Good.
Ecto-contaminated people? Don’t have wings. Liminals and Halfas, who have developed cores? Do have wings, and they can’t hide said wings, because unlike ghosts? Their bodies are physical living flesh.
Now Gotham? Ecto-contaminated, there’s no doubt about it. The amount of portals that have been opened there and death pits and death cults… yeah it’d be surprising if it wasn’t. But again, no one really notices, because at most? Most just get a bit of eyeshine.
The Bats however? Oh man are they freaking out when they wake up with aches in their back and feathers starting to poke through their skin. Curse? Nope! Welcome to Liminality, enjoy the second puberty of wings, emotion-sharing, fangs, claws, and whatever else you might develop- also enjoy the whole eating fear thing. (Wait, the what-)
#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#Liminal Batfamily#Except for Jason who is straight up a Halfa#Halfa Jason#Comes out from the Pits with massive fuckin wings bursting wide from his back#Which is hilariously how the batfam figure out that Red Hood is Jason almost immediately when he returns to Gotham#And Jason is so wrong-footed the first time he gets utterly slammed with the rest of the fam’s emotions and utter Joy at him being Alive#Jason has albatross-shaped wings that have protruding bones & a glittering underside like an explosion or falling star#In human form they’re more naturalistic red-brown colors with black & white patterning#Bruce’s wings are massive black ones that fade to a gray on the top like a moving shadow#Dick’s is deep blues & flickering stars & dust#Do you see my vision#Shadow Core Bruce#Star Core Jason#Storm Core Dick#Wind Core Tim#Shadow Core Damian#Light Core Cass#Sun Core Duke#Sea Core Steph#Earth Core Barbara#yes this includes metals#yes Steph can control water & paints & has canisters full of glitter water for mischief#Remind me to describe the others’ wings#because I am worried about running out of tags or Tumblr eating them lol#but also imagine ghost chirp au too#And it could even be before the JL have formed or it could be after#But if it's before JL form or early JL I just think it'd be funny if they only know Batman with wings lol
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I feel like if Chujin was still alive during the events of Undertale Yellow, his and Clover's relationship would be incredibly rocky. Pacifist!Clover could bring him around to tolerating them (after all, they have that sort of effect on everyone), but it would be more in a "this human is the only 'good' human" manner than a "maybe I should reevaluate my opinions on humans overall because you can't judge an entire group based off (very biased) stories and one bad experience." Even then, that opinion would be subject to change should Clover ever get frustrated or behave "too aggressively" or act in any manner that isn't perfectly docile. If Clover ends up attacking a monster then it's "humans are just as horrible as they were in the war stories, I should've known better" regardless of the circumstances that could've pushed Clover to fight. Suffocating expectations and endless demands for patience when he wouldn't ask the same of a fellow monster.
And heaven forbid he ever meet Clover on a No Mercy Run...
#undertale yellow#i hc that his parents were involved in the war and he was born after monsters were sealed underground#so he's one degree removed from all that trauma which is understandable why he'd be so afraid#but at the same time Blackjack had similar circumstances and he came around to liking clover and judging based on character#instead of by who someone is.#sometimes you need to sit down and realize that the problem is you and your views instead of everyone else but he doesn't strike#me as the sort to do that type of self reflection.#Chujin is a character who is absolutely ruled by his fear. he leaves kanako and dalv alone after they were attacked by a human#to sicc axis on integrity. he hinged his whole career on building guard robots (and judging by some of the paperwork in the Steamworks#he was the only one who wanted to build guard robots).#he destroyed his health and left his wife a widow/his child fatherless to craft a serum to defeat humans.#he experimented on a human (child's!!!!) soul and ordered his wife to k.ill an INNOCENT human.#he literally says that humans are incapable of decency in any form!!!!! the writing is on the wall!!!!!#not to sound like I'm bashing on his character because he did do a lot of good for the underground. he made the honeydew resort heater#and Martlet's balcony. and it's implied he built the bridge between the wild east and Starlo's family's farm with the fox-bell#symbol on that bridge. he inspired martlet to take up woodwork which put her on the path to joining the Royal Guard and meeting clover#he likely did a bunch of other good things as well that never got brought up. he did do some good actions.#but he is not someone that i would call a good person.#(realized i ended up with a long string of tags down here. if someone wants to screenshot it and add it to the post go for it)#edit: i find it utterly fascinating that he calls humans incapable of decency yet acknowledges that there can be a pure human SOUL#what an utter hypocrite! i doubt the contradiction ever even occurred to him!#uty analysis
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"he makes me a kinder human cuz I don’t think I’m a particularly nice person but i work hard at being kind. he does it right? like he's hard competitive and kind. and we should aspire to that."
paul waxes poetic about sasha for the (draws tally) millionth time for two whole minutes and it all sounds like a love confessional
Primetime Panthers | 12.6.24 (x)
#paul maurice#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#2425#theres genuinely so many good quotes here#yeah paul we know you didnt understand how good sasha is YOU BRING IT UP EVERYTIME YOU PRAISE SASHA#WE GET IT#THIS IS LIKE THE FIFTH TIME YOU SAID THAT#the first thing paul always praises is sashas lack of ego and how utterly baffled he is about it#“how badly he wants to be good for his teammates” “he wants to be great but i think it’s for his teammates” “he wants to perform for them”#DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE????? GENUINELY. PAULSON?????#“it would bother him if he lets them down its not i didn’t score tonight. its we didn’t win tonight because i didn’t do this.” PAULSON. WTF.#you can see the exact moment paul is debating whether to say what he wants to say and proceeding to blurt out HE MAKES ME A KINDER HUMAN#love confession alright#sasha teaches me how to be kinder just by leading by example. hey man. can i cry on your shoulder? would that be chill?#WHAT THE FUFK MAN
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never posted these here but wanted to prop this up: a well directed sequence! some VERY strong and in your face parallels (especially that up angle of Popeye and Bluto throwing Olive onto the couch, establishing her as the helpless middleman), little nuances that support those parallels, and just a great helping of personality that is always so dominating of the Popeye cartoons. that the dominating music here is “Love thy Neighbor”—used with an acerbic irony—ties it all together.
the punches Popeye and Bluto throw at each other is my favorite part. Bluto only needs to throw one punch—it matches how big, imposing, and “whole” he is. Popeye throws multiple; they’re smaller, just as he is, but more spry and split the difference. likewise, Bluto throwing in that extra “runt” after his punch is a great reflection of his character—he resorts to violence AND petty insults, making him seem even more unlikable. Popeye gets back at him with the violence, but he doesn’t stoop to his level with the name-calling.
even how they react to Olive offering candy is indicative of their character. Bluto is indulgent, pleasure-seeking (even if it is from a mere chocolate), and seldom thinks before he acts. Popeye on the other hand is more courteous, polite, and doesn’t succumb to his instincts as easily. his “no thank you,” is more genuine than Bluto’s own coy expression of thanks
#Bluto has made me realize just how much i love completely lecherous characters. him Scoutmaster Lumpus Plankton… i hesitate to add Daffy#because those are not the traits i think of when i barf my 10000th ‘i ❤️ Daffy Duck’ post but i would also be remiss not to note him since#that characterization is what the general public sees him as. but still#even then i love Olive AND Popeye just as much as Bluto so it all evens out. but Bluto is such a fun character because of how just. utterly#despicable and an example of human scum he is#popeye#pleased to meet cha!#bowsky#vid
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does anyone else love being "easily impressed" by life, just in general? from art pieces of all forms- films, paintings, sculptures, literature, tv shows etc- to most mudane things in life, im impressed. im impressed by them all. im overwhelmed by the beauty of life, by the beauty of the things humans create, by the beauty of nature in action. all of it feels so extremely overwhelmingly important to me, all of it feels alive. everything is truly important to me and i dont quite know how to explain it in any other way,,, genuinely tho i love being like this, i love loving things so easily, finding the beauty in it all so instinctually. its all natural to me, its all so beautiful, its all so impressive. i love being impressed by the beauty of life thats seen in everything : )
#kayramblies#lovecore#i think?#hopecore#solarpunk#i fw you life#i fw you humanity#i fw art i fw everything#im so happy tht im alive honestly#tumblrs a great place to ramble about how beautiful everything is#actually#like genuinely i feel so alive everytime i watch something new#everytime i eat something new#or not new#everytime i meet people#everytime i hang out with people#everytime im in nature by myself#every moment i live feels like a core memory#its all so.... utterly beautiful: )#hope more people feel like this#cuz god and the universe knows it took me a while to get here
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So I guess asgore is desperate to find clover or he doesn't know that clover is there, because there is an secret ending in the game that if you decide to kill Ceroba, clover and martlet go to meet asgore and he's shock to see clover there
That's correct! During Clover's time growing up in the Underground, Asgore and by extension the Royal Guard were not aware of the fact that another human child was secretly growing up in the Dunes. There were rumors of a human that had fallen down and simply disappeared since their soul was never captured, but Asgore had no way of knowing these rumors had any actual truth behind them.
Once the Royal Guard's investigation into these rumors turned up nothing (given that Clover spent most of their time in the Dunes area where the Royal Guard doesn't have easy access to) Asgore simply gave up hope and resumed waiting around in his castle, waiting for another human to enter the Underground.
This of course, doesn't mean Clover was entirely off the hook. Even as they aged, they still had to remain very vigilant and careful of where they went in the Underground and who they revealed themselves to, given that an unsavory Monster distrustful of humans could still very well report them to the king...
#the cowboy hat yodels#lucky clover au#I imagine post Undertale True Pacifist ending both Asgore and Undyne were utterly flabbergasted upon finding out a human was-#-living right under their noses in the Underground for quite some years!#But they both have had their character arcs so it's all good LOL
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Idk man there's something so incredibly sad about Phee and Tan's relationship. Like. They met and started working together because they were the only two in the world really fighting to find Non. They barely knew each other, but they understood the guilt of failing him, the desperation of it which was so all-consuming that they chose to twist their life around finding him and finding out what happened. They have had nobody but each other to trust with this.
But they're also different. Phee lost someone he'd just started to love and understand, but he's also falling for another and torn between the two. There's a life he sees outside of this guilt-ridden secret mission. On the other hand, there's Tan. Every bit of him is for finding out what happened to Non. The guilt of failing his brother and losing him is so enormous that he throws away any life he could've built for himself. Lies to his family, loses any friends he may have made at home or in England, loses his future, and then even what's left of his family. There is no turning back because there is nothing else left for him outside of this. All he has is his guilt, the desperate hope of finding Non, and Phee.
And I think Phee feels the weight of that too. If it didn't include abandoning Tan, I think Phee really would have eventually let go. Tan has known his brother all his life, but by the present day, Phee has spent longer looking for answers about Non than he's ever known him!! It would've been heartbreaking and he would feel guilty forever but he would let the past lie and rebuild a life, if it weren't for Tan. But Tan cannot turn back, and after all this while, after having kept each other company through all this so long, Phee can't bring himself to break with Tan either. Its guilt of course, and after all those years it may also be genuine care for Tan as a person. He will stay and breathe life into Tan even as he burns himself up in search of Non.
#this is incoherent but I HAVE A LOT OF FEELING ABOUT THESE BOYS BEING SO UTTERLY HUMAN AND FLAWED AND TORN BY THEIR CHOICES#phee#tan#new#dead friend forever#dff the series#dead friend forever spoilers#episode 9
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#I struggled so hard today#and for no apparent fucking reason#I struggled with something at work that I've done for the first time while also constantly task switching#and I STILL NOTICED MY MISTAKE#but the fact that I made a mistake in the first place is fucking killing me#I feel like I will be executed for it#it makes my skin crawl#and to know that I'll have to go up to another human being who I respect deeply and be like hey I made a mistake please don't hate me#is the first fucking thing#BUT IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE#part of science is noticing your own mistakes so why is this so terrible to me#I know upbringing bla#yes I was raised to believe that among all other things I'm smart#and I have had this proven to me over and over and over growing up#so when I actually struggle with something I can no longer be smart therefore I am nothing#utterly worthless#and nobody even meant me any harm by telling me I was smart#this is such a STUPID FUCKING problem to have#uh I was told I'm smart#bitch what#yes being yelled at from 10 through 28 by my father for completely unpredictable reasons did not help with me thinking this is terrible#BUT STILL#get your shit together#see and even now I'm beating myself up for struggling with something#URGH#I just want peace and not existential dread whenever I make a mistake that is definitely my fault#personal#so and if you've actually made it till down here I'm giving you a big hug#we'll make it somehow
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The Seunghan (RIIZE) situation is one of the most confusing and embarrassing things to happen to KPOP fandom in recent memory. I wonder what it's like to be a member of the group and do fansigns where you tell your fans how grateful you are for their support. Like, how do you do that with a straight face and your soul intact. When you have no idea if one of them sent a funeral wreath celebrating an awful event in your groups history. But I guess it's a job like any other, where you sometimes have to leave your values and ethics at the door. Maybe they can get past this but quite frankly, it's just bad vibes at this point. SM continues to be the pits of Hell.
#riize#this sets a dangerous precedence#i feel bad for them as a group#kpop idol-ing continues to sound so utterly miserable#every day there's another example of: nothing is more important than image and money and saving face#that's kpop in a nutshell#unless he committed a crime#they are putting money and image above humanity and supposed/perceived human error. They truly dgaf about him.#and then SK wonders why their youths are so sick#i'm kind of glad he is gone and can just carry on with his life#he'll probably be better off for it#i just saw the funeral wreaths and i'm embarrassed for the people who paid for them and for the florists who made them#it's so damm dystopian
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