#but she only ended up trapping them via grief

[eliotquillon]

i reread stella and siena(aka 'boarding school girls'/'the temperley high series') by helen eve a few month ago and i cannot stop thinking abt them. stella having episodes of vertigo after siena killed herself and spending the rest of her life trying to recreate siena exactly so siena could live on through her only to die in the exact same clock tower.... syrena resorting to stealing all of stella's things because stella wanted to become siena and syrena wanted to keep her....the way siena told stella she should always have her hair down and in turn stella told syrena she should always be barefoot....the fact that jack desperately wanted to become his own person and wanted to go to university but ended up working for his dad anyway....these aren't perfect books by far but helen eve fucking cooked with the doomed narratives

[drenched-in-sunlight]

one thing that i find interesting is that even though we never get to interact with Marika directly, only knowing her via obscure cutscenes and other characters' dialogue... she actually displays a wide range of emotions as much as any other NPCs.

her statues depict her as having a warm, gentle smile:

the Mimic veil description points to her playful, mischievous side:

(it's a popular theory in the JP/Asian side of the fandom that it's sth from her childhood - hence the "Marika's Mischief", not "Queen Marika's", and she used it to escape the grisly fate befalling her family.

additionally, its equivalence in Dark Souls is also something described as "the mischief of a young girl who sought relief from the solitude of the woods at dusk", aka Princess Dusk who hails from "Oolacile, land of ancient golden sorceries", but i digress)

her portrait, the story trailer's "Queen Marika was driven to the brink" and Gideon's dialogue after the player defeated Malenia pointed out her sorrow:

(back when i first played the base game, this is the portrait that drove my eyes most in Roundtable Hold. i kept gazing at her - the Queen with permanently lowered eyes, and thought "there is a girl in there")

The bat lady's song, Messmer's entire Crusade, all those conflicts to establish the Erdtree, shows her anger, and the cruelty she's capable of:

Then there's Shaman's village, the clinic underneath Shadow Keep, the golden braid, the Minor Erdtree, the sealing of Death - that points to grief, trauma, survivor guilt, kindness, and the ruinous drive for revenge that results in the above path down hell:

(there's also a theory for the Crusade's headless statue being a reminder for the Hornsent of what they put Marika's mother through, but it's not concrete canon so here is the link if you want to check it out)

The fact that all of Erdtree's incantations are heal and protection spells (with only one exception of Wrath of Gold spell which was found after the Elden Ring was shattered), the Capitol's Perfumers originally being blessed healers, and that all Erdtree blessings come in the shape of tears give the picture of Marika's gentle wish at the beginning: to heal everything and everyone.

(and to me personally, there's a kind of vulnerability and honesty in showing your tears to the world and let it be your power to heal at the same time.)

the eye she blessed Messmer with (i do think the Eng translation at some part lost the sentiment of the JP text - that the eye is always referred to as a blessing)

the blessing flask that - unlike its Dark Souls equivalent (which ranges from 6-13 flasks), only have 4 available to us player, heal all ailments and status effect, and specified as sth made for Messmer.

the Marika's soreseal in the Haligtree + the waterfall near Godwyn's final resting place

the Regal Omen Bairn (that was fashioned after the Jizo statue - sth made by grieving parents wishing for protection for their deceased child in the afterlife)

the blessing, gifts, equipment that Messmer and Godwyn's personal knights all get

the fact that Marika's bedchamber and the Impaler's Catacomb (which is the only catacomb in the base game to have the spike trap mechanic used in catacombs in the DLC) remain the proof of Messmer's existence in the base game

how Godwyn's ending is the only ending where the mending rune is placed on the position of Marika's womb (the lower arc or the Elden Ring - also referred to as the basin in which its blessings pool)

that's a whole barrage of motherhood. the love, the fear, the postpartum depression, the guilt and anxiety, (the occasional scheming for revenge with her son). and despite how flawed and tragic that love ends up being for all of them, it is there.

(there's a whole subplot about how Messmer is the only demigod to be called ugly in-game (Hornsent npc dialogue) while Boc's questline is about how his mother being the only one to always assure him he's beautiful, despite everyone else calling him ugly. and how each NPCs questline does reflect a wider theme seen in Marika and her children. but again, i digress)

every time i think of her, Marika is a constantly shifting kaleidoscope, holding everything from within (the beauty and the malign, light and dark, birth and death, she's warm and gentle, she's cruel and unjust, she's strong and kind, she's weak and resentful, she's sweet and she's bitterness made flesh)... and i could only stand there and admire it all.

[emsartwork]

Long post ahead!

So if a fairy's pallet changes, it most commonly happens around enchantix because of how inherently traumatic the concept of self sacrifice is.

Flora's colors would dull a little, nothing major but the pinks would look more "aged" as a mental reference to the black willow's time affiliation.

Musa's also are not a huge change, mostly a slight darkening as a symptom of the pain she went through when her wings were shattered (also might be a reflection of the darcy/stormy dynamic and how musa relates to both of them in different ways but she's not ready to unpack that teehee)

Tecna's is a more dramatic change due to the prolonged survival state she had to be in while trapped on Omega. She used her transformation to survive until she was able to scavenge parts to build a warming suit for herself which meant she drained her magic every transformation (via exploring and setting up a safe camp warmth bubble). Every transformation ended up lighter and lighter as a camouflage against the ice-snakes and the thawed prisoners. This would be a more permanent color change, probably only darkening a little as she healed, especially because tecna doesn't base her identity in being a fairy so it wouldn't cause her additional stress.

Stella's colors would mostly shift after earning Onyrix. Stella had the most negative reaction to her nemesis out of all the winx and the episode continued to effect her for several weeks after it was done. However, due to this episode, she did gain a much more balanced look at her sense of self worth, acknowledging that she has bad days and needs to treat herself with compassion instead of catastrophizing. In a way Stella's colors changed not because of trauma but because of growth.

Oh girliepop. Aisha's color change is a pure grief reaction to Nabu's death. It's not a permanent change, because Aisha would come to associate the darkened color with feeling shitty and the longer it stayed dark the more upset she would be (she had a few ups and downs color-wise along this timeline, its not strictly linear). It also wasn't a thing that happened to "her" like, Nabu dying was definitely traumatic, and similar to daphne who had grief involved in her color change, but daphne also underwent torture and other losses of autonomy that left lasting physical symptoms, which is why her color change was permanent.

Bloom has a few changes (because of course she does). Dark bloom dimmed her colors in season 2/3

Bloom's incomplete enchantix highly saturated her colors, and her complete enchantix settled into a slightly more blue tinged set which is permanent.

not so much an actual color change as an affliction, but I thought it would be fun to include. Fairies in core fatigue have scattered, shifting colors and design elements that bleed into each other.

[aspiringsophrosyne]

It’s interesting how both the Smitten and the Skeptic kill you.

If you kill the Princess, they both visit the same fate upon you, overriding your input. However, their respective motivations are very different.

The Smitten does it out of distraught, furious bereavement; he kills us as much out of rage and revenge as he does grief. The Skeptic, meanwhile, kills us when the Narrator traps us (the way he does in the good ending). However, the Skeptic is not like the Hero; he does not let us decide when he recognizes the circumstances we have found ourselves in.

Both represent so overwhelming a force that they can make choices without your input, but from completely opposite angles. The Smitten out of passion, anger, and in-the-moment emotion. The Skeptic out of cold, practical logic that's focused on the long game. They are superficially different, but they end up pulling the same stunt; down at their cores, they're not as different as they might seem.

As for the pairs, one of the most generous ways to read the Smitten/Damsel relationship is that it represents the honeymoon phase. Smitten and Damsel have just met, think the world of each other, will do anything for each other, want to make each other happy, and dismiss each other's flaws when the Hero or the Narrator voices them. They are driven not by what they know but by their initial impressions and emotions.

This perspective leaves them both oblivious or apathetic to the Narrator’s machinations; they can ignore or overpower him. The shackle slips right off the Damsel's wrist. The locked door swings open. Even murdering the Damsel is not enough to dampen her love for you; all that does is turn it murderous again via the Burned Grey.

On the other hand, information drives the Skeptic and the Prisoner. They do not know each other. You took the blade when you went to meet her, and she killed you. These two can’t trust each other. Not completely. Because neither trusts without verifying first. And because, besides all that, there’s another factor in play: the Narrator.

Both the Skeptic and the Prisoner are aware of the Narrator. Both know that no matter what they want or do, something outside of them has the power to interfere. And their weapon of choice against him is information. The Prisoner plays dumb unless you “-give away the game,” and even then, she doesn’t reveal her plan. Not even to you. Instead, she hopes you take the hint and figure out what she wants you to do. Likewise, when you try to give her the knife to enact the plan, the Narrator tries to stop you as he did before, and the Skeptic thwarts him by pointing out how well that went the last time.

In contrast to the Damsel/Smitten pair, these two have one of the least emotionally charged dynamics of any Shifty/Quiet duo but have mutual respect and an understated sense of partnership that few other pairs start out with. Though the Drowned Grey’s motivation is not the explicit love of her counterpart, she’s still dressed like a widow to parallel the Burned Grey’s wedding dress.

And speaking of the Greys, they bring home the contrasting yet parallel dynamics between these Princesses and their Voices: one is fire, one is water. One has a passionate affect, the other a flat affect. One leaves behind only bones, the other a fleshy corpse. One is a bride, the other is a widow. Killing the Princess you defied the Narrator to save results in a Grey, a ghost dressed for marriage (future or past), that leads you to the basement of a dilapidated cabin that serves as your gruesome tomb.

The Damsel/Prisoner/Greys have many superficial differences that highlight how similar they are once you look beyond them. If played straight, the Damsel/Prisoner is a route where you continue to defy the narrator. The Damsel wants to leave? Pull off her chain and escort her out. The Prisoner wants to escape her chains? Give her the knife and take her head with you. Both are routes where you've established the best report with the Princess you could; you've literally died to protect her. Following this, you can take advantage of that goodwill and use it against the Narrator.

And in the case of the Greys, while the details are different (rain/desert, widow/bride, bones/corpse, drowning/burning) in both cases you're led to your doom by a betrayed ghost of a Princess in a neglected cabin.

Various Voices and Princesses serve as foils and mirrors to each other (Rivalry and Submission, Terror and Longing, etc.), but none more closely than the Damsel/Prisoner Smitten/Skeptic. It makes them especially interesting and I'm excited to see what their future third chapters have in store.

[rin-hanarin]

Dudeee I want to draw another rookanis I hallucinated at work but I have more work in the morninggg.

Ok so here's another episode of our Murder of Crows telenovela.

Spite takes over Lucanis' body to finally "talk to Rook", and Renzo isn't particularly eager because he wanted to catch up with Lucanis actually, so Spite decides to be, well, a spiteful bitch and do a little trolling. It goes "He doesn't even like you back, why are you trying so hard?", and instead of taking the bait Renzo just kinda goes through stages of grief and ends up on 🥹 this.

"Okay... I guess you would know... I didn't want to talk to him that much, actually..." and goes to the window to dramatically leap out of it or something. Spite freaks out because it takes the joke literally, Lucanis is going through it while trapped in his own mind head in hands like the babygirl man stock image, Renzo is pretending to be terminally heartbroken and wishing to end it all via jumping out of the window, but he's actually kinda hurt by the idea that Lucanis might genuinely dislike him and tolerates him because Renzo functionally is a leader.

The drama, the pathos, Lucanis takes his control back and is trying to drag Renzo down from the window, even though there's (probably) no fall damage in the Lighthouse, but only Renzo knows this because he's enough of a reckless dumbass to try.

Renzo, however, is also a gremlin and very much is not over Spite's little jab, so he goes "So you do like me back?", and it's the wrong question to ask Lucanis who's supposed to be the mature one between the two of them, but he's also awkward as fuck with any kinds of feelings and he's all "Well, I mean..."

So at this point Renzo is tired of this bit and done with this shit, jumps, lands on all four, doesn't respond when Lucanis tells him to wait, and then goes to annoy Neve and complain that Lucanis' shitty demon is bullying him. Neve is amused, but rubs some salt into his wounds, saying that she's not surprised, considering how much Renzo gets on Spite's host's nerves and that there are more mature ways to express his affection. Renzo says that those are boring and leaves to find another person to annoy, but he initially went to literally just spend some time with Lucanis, but met a demon instead and was disappointed. He decides to go to Bellara instead, and Bellara distracts him by dragging him around her lab and showing her new cool magical contraptions she made.

Lucanis meanwhile retreats to his brooding chambers to go through it again, and Spite is very, very quiet.

End of the episode :D

[butterflydm]

"You lost someone important. Guilt's part of that."

*goes off and stares into the sea for a thousand years*

I do kinda feel as if I bought two games in one, because Veilguard is such a different experience in the second playthrough (this is not a complaint).

Grief. Regret. An ocean of it. And how to move past it. How important it is to be able to move past it and not let yourself be trapped by all your pain.

[endgame spoilers below]

Varric "goes to sleep" after your first big talk with him and then you can't talk to him again until after you've meditated and reached Solas (who is never far away, though you don't realize it).

It is amazing how Solas is able to criticize himself so strongly (via the memory of Varric) and then keep on doing everything that he's doing. He truly is the ultimate master of the sunk-cost fallacy.

Wisdom twisted into Pride. It is so painful to think that the thing that made Solas so furious and heartsick in his personal quest in DAI -- watching a spirit of Wisdom get twisted into Pride because it was brought into the mortal world to be a weapon -- is exactly what Mythal asked of him. And the anger that he shows towards those mortal mages (who he can and will kill unless you stop him) is thus displaced anger that he doesn't feel like he's allowed to feel towards Mythal.

So... what's up with the Rings of Power tag? It's about Solas, of course.

You meet a guy who is a lone wanderer. A vagabond, who claims no particular importance but somehow seems to understand the powers that are key to the world's salvation. He helps you out for a while. He's pretty arrogant - prideful, you might say.

You find out that he's essentially a demigod who has been lying to everyone for... weeks, months, idk. And that he actually is the person who helped break the world and make it what it currently is today... and he wants to fix the world. Except... well, except that fixing the world involves a whole bunch of people dying and basically destroying the world as it currently exists in order to create the 'better' world that exists in his imagination/memory.

His intentions may be good but every time he goes forward with his plans, it destroys so much and hurts so many people. His methods suck and his imagined perfect world can never exist. And he lies, over and over and over. He betrays you, over and over.

God of lies.

The Great Deceiver.

I've only finished one playthrough of Dragon Age: The Veilguard so far. And, in it, I gave Solas a good ending. The happiest ending that he probably could get. In which he doesn't get any of the things that he was trying to get during the game, but he does get a chance to atone for the many, many people that he's hurt and what he's destroyed. He gets shown a different path and is convinced to take it. He has someone who loves him enough to walk that path with him. "Where I'm going is terrible," he tells his love. "It won't be terrible if you're with me," she tells him.

Solas makes the choice that (Second Age/Rings of Power) Sauron couldn't make -- he chooses to stop trying to break the world in order to fix it. To atone by doing what the people of the world would want from him, rather than forcing his own vision on them. He stops. That's what Sauron can't bring himself to do. He can't stop trying to fix the world.

So finishing up Veilguard after watching Rings of Power let me play out a little power fantasy of: what if you could get him to stop? What if you could get him to see that his attempts to 'fix' the world are only making things worse? What would that look like?

Solas is able to admit -- after a lot of work by the protagonist to get him there -- that the world doesn't need him to fix it. By contrast, Sauron is going to double-down on his attempts to 'heal' Middle-Earth.

But it's interesting to get a chance to create a situation where a character who does have quite a bit in common with Sauron is able to have a different kind of ending.

As is tradition when I play RPGs like this, my first playthrough is for discovering a character and letting myself be fully led by the story, and now my second playthrough is to poke at all the choices and the seams of the story to figure out what I like best. And then I usually do a version of my first character again but 'perfected' in taking the alternative choices that I liked better than my first time through. So this second run is going to be for going through all the rest of the options and romances to see if I like them better than what my heart instinctively led me towards (Lucanis).

So this is my game plan for my second run:

Flirt with everyone. Make sure I do all Treviso quests before I go to get Davrin. Choose to save Minrathous (this is why I made my second Rook a Shadow Dragon -- Treviso seems so vulnerable to me, so I really have to stack the deck to get my Rook to choose to go to Minrathous). Sadly mourn that I cannot romance my Lucanis in this runthrough (my second Rook recently did the quest to acquire him and I found myself instantly enchanted all over again by his introduction. Thank goodness saving Minrathous takes him off the table; I don't see how else I could resist him).

Keep flirting until I get to the 'commitment quest' for each of the characters, and play through everything else until that's about all I have left. Then do separate saves for each romance. So six separate 'endgame runs' for this second Rook, allowing me to try out a variety of endgame scenarios.

Then, armed with lots of information, I plan to run as a dwarven Rook for my third runthrough, and do a run-through that uses my favorite choices now that I know how they shake out, and take a new approach with Solas. Probably a rogue. I've tried out the gameplay for all three classes, and rogue was my favorite (this is not a shock. Rogue has been my favorite in literally every DA game).

And now a collection of images I like to call:

They assumed Rook knew Varric was dead when these conversations happened.

Looking forward to what other conversations may happen where Rook is having an entirely different conversation than the other characters are having.

A collection of images I like to call:

Foreshadowing

A collection of images I like to call:

Ouch ouch ouch

One particularly excellent choice that the game made, imo, is that only Neve and Harding knew Varric already (of the companions). The rest of the team is assembled by Rook, and most of the team does not know Varric and doesn't even realize that there's a hole in the team, because Rook is already filling the position that she believes that Varric is meant to have. She is Varric's hand-picked second-in-command, and he trusted her to be able to handle this job. He chose someone with that thought in mind.

He knew the risks, and planned accordingly. He knew there was a chance (an excellent chance) that Solas was not going to listen to him. He had to try anyway, but he knows -- he says in the beginning -- that if it comes down to a fight, they will not be able to defeat Solas. He knows that if he can't talk Solas down, then he's probably going to die. And he goes in there anyway, because Solas is his friend.

He made a choice. Several choices. He chose to talk to Solas, knowing that it might lead to his death. And he chose Rook as his second, believing that Rook could save the day if Varric failed.

That's how Varric saved the world -- by finding the right person to finish the job.

[mooflettes]

Tbh, I think that Pecharunt used to be mischievous but never causing any real trouble. But after being banished, he became a lot more malicious and revenge driven. I’d say he needed the masks so that he can absorb them and be able to see where Terapogas is. Despite all this, he keeps his mischievous side as a facade, as a coping mechanism to forget about the physical and mental pain he has to constantly endure. Almost like a mask if you think about it.

I’d say that Pecharunt renamed itself to ‘Dokutaro’ or ‘Dokuwāro’ to sound more menacing.

Now, I really hope Pecharunt becomes the main antagonist on its own in this fic since most antagonists tend to be evil teams who sometimes controlled legendary Pokémon, in my opinion, it’s gotten a bit stale. So it’ll be interesting to see a Pokémon acting as an antagonist on its own and acting malicious (Pecharunt actually wants to KILL Millie).

So whatever Project Venus is, I can see Pecharunt sabotaging it and using it to its own benefits.

Now, for some headcanon powers, I think that he can release souls that he absorbed to have some kind of hive-mind. To make up his lack of combat skills, he’s a master at manipulating others and a master at psychological warfare. As he was able to manipulate Kieran to do what it wants but leave Kieran in the dust.

He would also kill his victims by manipulating them to kill themselves, since to him, it’s easier to absorb souls this way.

And, by psychological warfare, he does that again and again even at the end of the fic as before he unfused and everyone was celebrating, he used the last of his power to blast at Carmine as he knew that Kieran would save her. And that does happen. Carmine would be overwhelmed with guilt from that incident onwards. Since Kieran is now trapped in the timeline where the future paradox Pokémon live. Which is why I said this ending has a hollow victory, the protagonists won, but at what cost?

Kieran would break out of Pecharunt’s control later on by the protags, only to suffer later on again.

Since if I were to put in Pecharunt’s words when asked by the protagonists:

“The world has betrayed me, so why should I play fair?!”

(He can speak but choosing to Poké speak instead)

SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON AGAIN. I have some ideas but I think I gone a bit overboard. But again, you choose to use any of these ideas if you want!

WTF THIS ANSWER GOES HARD!!! I DONT THINK YOU REALIZE IT BUT YOURE A BIT ON THE NOSE WITH WHAT I BELIEVE ABOUT PECHARUNT WOULD IN PROJECT VENUS! Ofc, I wanna keep the twists and turns surprises, so I can't rlly go in-depth with how right you might be or WHO "Project Venus" is.

But I do believe that Pecharunt could absorb souls and release them, or like the toxic chain, chain those souls to itself (Think of how Shinigami gets Yuma to follow her around in Rain Code)

But it is also parasitic, in which it infects itself onto a main host and then that host has most of its power, which it can inflict onto others via zombification, resurrection, etc!

I cant say who or what gets possessed in Project Venus other than the obvious, but I'll say that the idea will actualky be used in canon, soon.

About Carmine...she is HEAVILY GUILTY for how she treated her brother, and in the fic I plan for Carmine and other characters to have tender moments, as pokémon doesn't fully get to delve into the nitty-gritty of family issues like I want them to (ie. Grief, jealousy, tension, etc.) And we already see such an example with Millie and her mother

I wanna cover as many bases as I can without making Millie seem like a "woe is meee" type character. While she is our protag and she has her moments I want to allow her, and many others, to at least gave clarity

ALSO PLEASE DON'T APOLOGIZE! YOUR RAMBLES ARE MUCH APPRECIATED AND IT'S MOTIVATING ME TO WRITE AGAIN! I SHOULD REALLY GET TO WORK ON THE NEXT CHAPTER SOON TBH LOL BUT UT DOES MEAN BUNCHES YOU SHOW GREAT INTEREST!!!

[hiduprakyat]

thank you @agentamethystelf for enabling me ily muah have some completed costume concepts of my best girl

this is part of the post-apocalyptic 18th century novel im writing for fun (and also to apply postmodernism and post-colonialsim from what i learned in critical theory class)

so. harriet branwell has two (2) friends in the entire world: her maid eliza, and her neighbour, george foster. her fathers family arrived in england for trade about a hundred years ago via the dutch from (dutch occupied) melaka (modern day peninsula malaysia) and settled down in hampshire, while her mother was a medical apprentice who left melaka to study in amsterdam (thanks colonisation on both counts!). her mother died in 1785 from consumption and shes been grieving since

the year is 1789, and theres been reports of giant rocks falling from the sky and wiping out whole towns across europe, but it hasnt hit england yet, so harriet goes book shopping with dad one fine morning. unfortunately its when the rocks hit england, and it hits their town. she gets separated from dad and trapped under rubble with george, and when they finally dig their way out of the debris, the whole town's been evacuated. while the rocks (theyre actually meteorites but they dont know it yet) have stopped, they realise that its not for good, theyll get pelted again soon and worse, its travelling up north. so they form a plan: they find a way to get to the cairngorms and take shelter in the caves

so they meet a lot of people on the way, whom they travel with and part ways from, until they meet a romani clan travelling to gateshead, who takes in people they run into on the way. harriet is convinced to join them when the leaders sons wife is also from melaka, and introduces herself as harriet branwell. and people start calling george mr branwell. its a very important plot point trust me. so begins harriet and georges journey up north, and the story mostly deals with grief and the discussion of colonialism as a solution to the apocalypse. theres a lot of discussion on gender roles and sexuality, and george hooks up with the leaders youngest son at some point and harriet makes fun of him

they make it to the cairngorms at the end, but they dont find out what happened to their families, and if theyre even still alive, but it's more of an exploration of grief, and how harriet, whose entire family only consisted of her father and eliza, deals with the loss of contact, on top of grieving her mother; compared to george, who had lived a perfectly charmed life before this, deals with losing his entire family (his parents, five siblings, three siblings-in-law, and seven nieces and nephews) all at once. most importantly we see some dumbass bisexuals be absolute disasters, even two hundred and thirty years ago

[mizufae]

Different hooks for the sundry stranger things fics I want to write but probably never will unless I find a partner in crime because apparently writing is a fully collaborative activity for me:

Speculative season five action adventure wherein Hopper has brought that big sword back from Russia and Mike steals it and fucking tromps around slicing monsters in half like a real life paladin and Will faints because it’s 2 hot 2 handle but then a second later Mike trips over nothing at all and they both end up on the ground embarrassed

Meandering post-climax ponderings on hair symbolism that starts with Mike realizing Eddie is truly dead and chopping off his hair in a dramatic fit of teen mourning, eleven and hop growing their hair back together, will also chopping off his hair in sibling solidarity and it transforming from Mike’s grief to the three of them processing their traumas together via hair growth, Steve tutting at everyone as they all complain while it grows back through awkward stages, and Robin going through a very long manic panic phase. (Would need to do historical hair dye research)

The Sinclair parents being the only competent married people in town, helping out Max’s mom, who doesn’t want to accept because she is kinda racist, scenes about blackness and class status in a small town and the intersectionality of stigma

A whole thing where Karen Wheeler sends Ted off with Holly out of town asap and thinks she is going to go confront wtf is going on only she gets trapped or otherwise goes missing and Nancy and Mike think she is dead and fucking go off to rescue their mom and have sibling power duo scenes and they have fun bickering chemistry and rescue their mom who is alive and doing okay all things considered. Meanwhile Ted is like, inventing the internet so he can ask yahoo how to legally divest himself of a small child

A Labyrinth inspired plot wherein Holly gets kidnapped by Vecna and Mike has to embark on a scary journey to get her back and on the way discovers he is so super gay, at some point Henry shows up in tight pants

Dustin and Steve convince Joyce and Hop to read Claudia into all the secrets so they all pick their way over to Dustin’s house to find Claudia with a rifle and dozens of knives and also a meatloaf in the oven and she is like “Do you honestly think I don’t listen in on every walkie talkie conversation you boys have ever had???” because Dustin has to get his brains from somewhere

A Barb Lives AU where she gets away from the upsidedown pool in the nick of time and defends baby Will in season 1, who she knows because they are both constantly at the Wheeler’s house. And after they are both rescued they process their trauma together and Jonathan is like “how DARE you take my spot as older sibling” and Barb is like, “why don’t we kiss about it”

Joyce and Nancy 80s makeover montage

The party all go see Star Trek: The Voyage Home in theaters (1986) and they endure a friendship cataclysm as nobody can agree if it was amazing or if it sucked immensely

Steve and Eleven attending college together in their early thirties / late twenties to study childhood psychology

[sailormoonandme]

Usagi’s Evolution as a Healer Goddess

The other day I saw a post discussing the evolution of Usagi’s fuku and it occurred to me how Eternal Sailor Moon’s costume was her first Senshi uniform to ditch the tiara. 

That in turn led me to consider how that kind of makes Usagi weaker as it removes a very useful weapon for her. After all, if you include the movies, Usagi uses some variant of Moon Tiara Action in practically every season prior to Stars.

However, dwelling more upon it I realized how this tiny change was all too appropriate for Usagi’s character development.

Firstly, by supplanting the Tiara with her Moon planetary symbol, Eternal Sailor Moon more closely resembles both Queen Serenity, her own Princess Serenity form and her future self as Neo-Queen Serenity. 

Since all three are objectively more powerful than Usagi typically is as Sailor Moon I think the change emphasises how she has ‘levelled up’ in her Eternal form. When combined with the angel wings, Eternal Sailor Moon shifts Usagi visually closer to her future self as NQS, which in the anime is implied to be her most powerful incarnation.* It is almost as though the visual was communicating that the Divine Miracle Magic that she’d previously drawn upon as Princess Serenity in Classic-SuperS had now become ingrained in her standard Senshi form and thus was more accessible to her. 

It was in thinking of her previous efforts as Princess Serenity that I inevitably recalled her duel with Metalia/Beryl in episode 46 and realized that Eternal Sailor Moon was the first time since Classic that Usagi’s default attack was a healing  technique not a destructive one. 

Moon Healing Escalation was Usagi’s first healing technique but until Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss (and it’s later upgrade, Silver Moon Crystal Power Kiss) it was also her��only healing technique. 

Between regaining healing techniques and ditching her tiara/other destructive attacks/weapons, I think this represents her subtle growth in both her power and status. After all, it is a sad fact of life that it is easier to destroy something rather than fix it, thereby making the latter far more impressive.**

This skewing towards healing power rather than destructive power is also (arguably) thematically appropriate given the nature of Sailor Moon as a female power fantasy as (rightly or wrongly) the act of healing is typically coded as feminine. 

We can even take this further by examining things from the ‘opposite direction’ as it were.

Consider that in the climactic final episodes of Sailor Stars, Eternal Sailor Moon’s healing technique actually fails her when used against Galaxia. In later episodes, upon adopting her Princess Serenity form (complete with larger and more obviously angelic wings), she uses a sword to duel Galaxia.

Obviously a sword is, at least predominantly, an offensive weapon and can therefore be viewed as symbolic of aggression; let’s leave any Freudian or gendered interpretations alone for today. Her use of the sword is highly uncharacteristic (in the anime). Even her explicitly offencive weapons (like the Cutie Moon Rod or Spiral Moon Heart Rod) weren’t as clearly aggressive nor obviously violent. Desperate times calling for desperate measures? Perhaps, but we might also speculate it was her subconsciously reacting to grief. Not only can grief make you act in ways you wouldn’t normally, but a sword after all was a weapon wielded by her lover in his Prince Endymion incarnation. Her lover whom Usagi had just learned Galaxia had murdered. In other words, amidst her grief she reacts by going too hard in the other direction after healing her enemy proves ineffective.

However, when all is said and done the sword fails her.*** Ultimately is simply escalates the conflict by prompting Galaxia to become Chaos Galaxia and thereby make Usagi’s chances of victory all the slimmer. If we wished to stretch things, you could perhaps say that this is a commentary about how war and violence ultimately begets yet more war and violence.

Even if that is an over extrapolation though, it still served to emphasis the point that a sword is not befitting of Usagi, that she was doomed to lose if she continued to battle with destroying her enemy as the end goal.

In fact, her road to real victory begins when she not doesn’t attack Galaxia but makes it easier for herself to be attacked. In the end, Usagi doesn’t confront her most powerful enemy as the God-Queen of the future, the demi-goddess Princess of the distant past, the sailor-suited soldier of love and justice in the present, nor even a humble school girl.

She does it by literally stripping herself of all those things, of stripping herself of everything in fact.

Her weapons? Gone.

Her other items, like her Tiare? Gone.

Her comrades? Gone, and they’d be powerless against Galaxia anyway.

And finally, even her clothes? Gone!

Beyond the Silver Crystal (an outward visualization of her heart/soul) and the angel wings (symbolic of her role as a saviour) she is completely (but tastefully) naked.

Usagi visually and quite literally is more vulnerable  than she’s ever been, even more so than on her first night as Sailor Moon.

And yet this is Usagi at her actual most powerful.

It is her distilled to her absolute essence as a person, all other trappings removed. She’d just one person showing another they will categorically not harm them, that they bear them no malice and they have nothing to hide. That openness and compassion is what ultimately enables her to connect to the good within Galaxia and pull her away from the darkness that had corrupted her.

Usagi in this moment completely fulfilled her character arc.

·      In the Dark Kingdom arc Usagi destroys (or seals away depending upon your POV) Beryl/Metalia.

·      In the Hell Tree arc, Usagi resolves the over all plot via a healing technique (although it is functionally similar to a destructive attack). However, that only happens because the Hell Tree both instructs Usagi to do that and because it lets her. It is the equivalent of a sickly doctor instructing a nurse on what to do to make them better. The nurse might have the power but their agency as a healer is limited.

·      In the Black Moon arc, Usagi, with help, destroys Wiseman/Death Phantom. 

·      In the Death Busters arc, Usagi does save Hotaru and ‘purify’ her. However, like the Hell Tree, that was something Hotaru wanted. Additionally, her purification functioned as a way to heal the body of someone sick and who wanted to sacrifice themselves, not someone actually evil. The evil in question was Pharaoh 90 and it is presumed that Usagi destroyed him (although it might’ve been Hotaru or the pair of them together). 

·      Forgive me for skipping the Dead Moon Circus arc as Chibiusa is the real protagonist there, and Usagi’s role is chiefly as a rescuer. It therefore doesn’t really apply, although the Nehelenia mini-arc from Stars is a different story. There, Usagi was a healer again, but she did it with the help of her loved ones and with the aid of her Tiare device. Nevertheless, we can see by this point Usagi’s capacity as a healer heroine had been gradually growing until we get to the battle with Galaxia.

By the end of series, Usagi has successfully healed Galaxia and it is neither with the aid of her comrades, nor with the power of a weapon or device, nor with any instructions from her ‘patient’ or any other third party.

Additionally, Galaxia (unlike Hotaru) wasn’t someone’s who was saved from a noble self-sacrifice or had a physical ailment that needs to be addressed. In Galaxia’s case, her very soul had lost it’s way and become corrupted. She had lost who she was supposed to be and her purpose in life had been perverted.****

When combined with how powerful Galaxia always was, how Chaos and the Star Seeds empowered her further, Usagi’s victory here cannot be understated.

Her ‘patient’ was more powerful than all her other adversaries, was in need of more healing than her other ‘patients’ and was more resistant to being healed. Not to mention, since she’d directly murdered her beloved friends (and indirectly aborted her future daughter), Usagi would’ve been forgiven for not  even trying to salvage Galaxia 

And yet, with no weapons, no backup and just the power of her heart and soul basically, Usagi succeeded. 

After Stars the idea that Usagi could heal the entire planet after a global catastrophe and reshape it into a fairy tale crystalline utopia was all too believable.

What’s healing one planet when her ability to empathise had already healed a whole galaxy?

Who needs a tiara to reduce evil to dust when you can simply convince evil to be good?

*This is arguably symbolized by baby Hotaru’s vision of NQS transforming into Eternal Sailor Moon in episode 1 of Stars.

In fact, we might argue that a low-key subplot running through all of Stars (both the Nehelenia and Galaxia portions of it) is gradually transitioning Usagi closer to the person she is destined to become as Neo-Queen Serenity, hence why the first episode features the most explicit reference to her fate as Queen since R. 

**Personally I am an atheist, but nevertheless I and others like me can grasp why  deities in most major religions through history weren’t simply capable of mass scale destruction, but also of essentially manipulating reality to create  things too.

By that same token, it’s little surprise that perhaps the widest spread religious figure in history was Jesus Christ who rarely (if ever) engaged in aggression or destructive acts, predominantly employing divine healing powers.

I suspect the attraction of such figures to human beings lies in the fact that on some level we know that, given the right time and resources, we mere mortals would be capable of destroying anything. Given time it’s all but certain we will develop the technology to even destroy planetary bodies. On the flipside, I think we also intuitively grasp that  reversing  such damage, of reattaching a limb, of stanching bleeding, etc, is far more difficult if not impossible. Hence we attributed the ability to do such things to larger than life Divine Entities.

*** Now that I think of it, it’s also poignant that Usagi tries and fails to defeat Galaxia with a sword when we take Sailor Uranus into consideration. 

Uranus is of course associated with her weapon, the Space Sword and, like Usagi, tried and failed to use such a weapon against Galaxia.

Giving Uranus a sword is symbolically appropriate given her role as the leader of the more aggressive branch of the Sailor Team. Having her fail against Galaxia and Usagi consequently fail by in some way ‘mimicking her tactics’ is equally symbolically appropriate. Not only because of their ideological conflict in Sailor Moon S but also their tensions in Sailor Stars itself. In both situations Usagi’s more open, less aggressive, ideology was ultimately proven correct. 

Thus in using a sword against Galaxia it represented how Usagi was always doomed to fail by taking the aggressive/destructive route and how she was arguably not being true to herself in that moment. 

****It’s not to dissimilar to Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker now that I think about it. 

[corruptedsilence]

OOC: Since you were talking about Des, I've actually been wondering what (if anything) could be done for him and the other Artifacts.

Letting the angry little shit free is a BIG no-no, but keeping him inside something that can be stolen and change hands isn't good either. Locking him up in an actual prison would just make him hate people more and there's still the chance someone could find him.

For better or worse, he's part of this world @seraphvie​

That’s actually a really good question and honestly? I think it has to boil down to a few things that are, in my opinion, seemingly impossible to do:

1. Humanity and life itself has to get a better hold on their emotions. In my view the artifacts feed and live solely because people experience and feel the emotion that they have, as such their power and influence grows the more of the emotion they are associated is around/out of control. ie: For Des, the angrier people are, the more enraged and hatred they feel the stronger he gets in turn. It doesn’t help he to my canon has a natural aura that mortal beings+souls are effected by that make them feel an inclination to be more angry such as all wielders of the cane have. (As for soulless beings I don’t think his aura effects them)

Humans, animals, any living thing that can experience anger would need to get a better hold on regulating their emotions and not getting out of hand. This would significantly drain his ability and in turn the aura he can spread. But sadly this wouldn’t happen because you can’t expect all of life itself to be able to have a healthy relationship with their emotions since it’d only take 1 soul to ruin it for everyone.

Just as with every emotion you need regulation and healthy ways of experiencing the emotion and working through it. it’d be the same with Des and all the other artifacts. People need to get a better hold on their grief but like I said it isn’t feasably possible. Bottling them up into physical items, literally bottling up the universe’s grief in ticking time bombs would only cause more grief on an unimaginable scale once it’s let out.

2. Limited Freedom. @sweetestthrenody​ and I, my beautiful gf u///u, have thought of an idea of Nim and Eton that Nim basically helps invent a spell for Eton to be given *limited* freedom to interact with the real world but keeps his main core power within the shoes. This allows him the safety of any of the Empress’s soldiers that are still alive while still allowing him some kind of “freedom”. He can still do small things ofc on his own but he can’t cause catastrophic destruction with how power. It’s still mainly contained within the shoes but he has a more physical body that he is free to be more of himself in.

Of course another restriction is he can’t be too far away from the shoes/artifact still which is a downside but he isn’t 100% limited as he is being stuck inside it completely. I feel this could be the best way to more or less “rehabilitate” the artifacts into life by giving them limited freedoms via spells using their own magic in a way the artifacts themselves can’t use while trapped.

Kind of like how medications and things help limit your interaction with certain emotions but in the end you should still deal with those core emotions. Medications, depending on what it’s for of course, shouldn’t completely numb you or else it’s just another form of bottling your emotions. When it comes to more mood-regulating ones ofc. Only when you learn better coping mechanisms that you’re able to slowly get off of it if that’s possible for some (but i dont think the planet could handle any being fully freed. Earth got lucky with Brier since she didn’t want ot destroy the world but be accepted by it but even then she still fucked up the entirety of vampire kind). Even then I don’t think the artifacts could ever feasibly live their lives like they once had because the world can’t handle that much emotion especially having been stored in these artifacst for countless centuries and millenia even. If you think bottling up a decade or more of grief in you, think about that times as many people on the planet, over the span of hundreds of years. That’s what the artifacts have had to deal with fhewjkk

Both of these things together would allow Des, and the other artifacts, the ability to interact and gain freedom over time but for Des I don’t think he’ll ever be happy with it. This might work for Eton who is more of an inclination to bargaining the best situation he can get in my view, but Des and his delusional views of the world and himself as a god among mortals wouldn’t accept either of these terms and would constantly cause more issues. Sure, he might be with Eton in his limited freedom but he would always resent and be angered by not having complete freedom which he believes he deserves because the empress and life created him, so it’s not fair to bottle him up as if they aren’t responsible for what they created.

[mittensmorgul]

So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways. 

[nuclearnerves]

INCOMING VAMPIRE AU THOUGHTS

Don't mind me I'm finally getting the ideas I had on this shit out so I can actually go forward with developing it as an AU. It's my usual mixup of fps protags, Gordon Guy and John, but I'm starting with Gordon as the Vampire and Guy as the Vampire Hunter.

absolute beast of a wall of text under the cut

What If Being A Vampire Literally Sucks All The Time Forever like chronic pain sucks. like THAT level of sucks. Like Here's what I was thinking of. Being a vampire isn't just "being alive forever but you need to drink human blood" It's like Oh man I have some lore you look at vampires and their main thing is that they're blood suckers right so lets start with a corpse dead body. cadaver. no longer with us. just some rotting meat. The brain needs oxygen as fuel. The blood supplies the oxygen through blood. The blood is pumped through the heart. The blood is made by your bone marrow. You die. Your heart stops beating Blood stops pumping Brain no longer has oxygen to think marrow stops making blood thats standard! Now, becoming undead, as a vampire, is a little more complicated. The long and short of it is: your body is FIGHTING ACTIVELY to be alive against all odds and wins every time (immortality), but it hurts the whole way

I have the gist of it. It's like. Your heart stops. By all means, you should be dead. but the magic kicks in, and you're still thinking. Your brain is still sending signals to your muscles to move. But using what oxygen to move? whats burning in you? You don't know but you know it's just enough to get to your next meal. So you ferociously eat something, and then find you can't swallow. You can't make saliva. You barely have the energy to chew, and once you DO get something in your stomach, it immediately comes back up. Why can't you feel your pulse? What's going on? You're out of options so you figure you might as well just lie down and die. You're too tired to keep going anyway. So you do, you lie down, and you close your eyes, and you quietly hope that death is as peaceful as sleep. You realize you've actually been moving around without breathing, which makes sense because you can barely flex your diaphragm for more than a shaky wheeze. How are you thinking with such little oxygen? But as you fade from consciousness, you can feel something in you, and it's so upset, it's crying, it's filled with grief, and you instantly can tell it's your skeleton. It's your bones. You're distraught down to your marrow. You're dying. You're dying! Your heart stopped and you have no more blood! You need blood! You need blood to move! To breathe! To think! You try to breath deep again for the voices in your bones, trying to comfort them, to sooth them with the repetitive motion in your lungs, trying to fill yourself with anything but grief, but they keep wailing. We make the blood, our creation, our child, what we put all of our work into is gone! gone! gone! We need it back! Anything! All of it! Find it! Bring it back to us! We're hungry! WE'RE HUNGRY!

and once you find yourself too exhausted to listen, to think, how badly you wish just to die already to cease hearing this wailing, you find your body moving without you. And it's hungry and it's searching and it's crawling on all fours and it misses its beautiful red life that made it feel so full before and it needs it back, and the next thing you know you're desperately grabbing anything with blood in it and shoving it in your mouth in a desperate attempt to sooth this cry for life, you don't want to die, you don't want to die, you worked so hard to keep up this body and craft it and LIVE with it and you're not going to go, and even when you try, even when you try to lay down and die, your body refuses, it takes the reigns, and it keeps up the work itself with or without your help. And it's not until your stomach is full and your teeth are stained and you feel a pulsating burning in your bones that you snap back awake, completely conscious, just fine. You're lucid, you don't feel any more pain. Everything around you is dead and drained and messy and your heart still isn't beating. but you can breathe now and holy shit you guess you literally need to kill to survive and the less you eat and the more you starve yourself the worse it gets when your body finally decides to take recourse.

my idea was like. "the vampires curse is actually stored in the bones, thats why the teeth get so sharp and also theres a connection between blood and bones with the creation via bone marrow" its literally like i was sitting there thinking "no no no, whats it like to be a vampire. what neurosis would you develop. How would you panic? What are common mistakes beginner vampires make" which, by the way, gordon is a beginner vampire

so now you gotta factor, what blood lasts for how long? how long can you go between meals? not only that, but what creatures satisfy the urge? How long can you go avoiding human blood? Does it work like drugs where you develop a resistance to the high, or is it like food where it will keep you moving until you eat again? How the fuck are you gonna get your hands on blood? Can you just eat raw meat? Does that count? and thats where im at lol

OKAY now. now thoughts on beginning scenes of vampire au

So my idea was this Doomguy is a vampire hunter independent and one of his buds says that some freak scared and almost attacked his daughter when she got too close to his old abandoned laboratory up the hill and hes like “he might be… you know… a problem. if you needed a lead” and guys like yeah i fuckin hate the undead ill kill this dude so he busts into old lab space and sees so many dead animals its actually mostly Bones and pelt that hes seeing piles of feathers etc so hes like yeah this is all telltale signs of vampire uhhh hes introduced to gordon SOMEHOW im not totally sure of the details but the working idea i have is guy falls into a trap gordon devised that restrains him suspended in wire or something and gordon like. limps/stumbles into the room and this dude looks haggard he’s breathing heavy, his cheeks are hollow, he’s bug-eyed and shaking while looking at this massive wall of meat in his trap and he bares a bunch of hideous teeth and grits them and looks like hes really struggling with somethin... Like if these dudes don't know each other then Gordon might give in and try to drain Guy, and Guy would absolutely do anything in his power to turn this new vampire into ash, im thinking the inclusion if g-man as a coven leader can fix both issues.

i like the idea of guy falling into gordons trap and gordon thinking about what to do with him before gman shows up and whisks gordon away for a “meeting” while complimenting him on his good work catching the most feared vampire hunter in the country and gman just leaving guy suspended in wires that he has to fight his way out of. Instant situation defuser.

Guy ends up needing to take care of other monsters before going back to Gordon, and he DOES plan to go back to gordon, because no vampire is a good one, especially not one associated with the fucking head of a coven, but next time he sees Gordon, Gordon helps him out of a scrape by attacking and draining a combine who was going to take Guy out or something and escaping before Guy can catch him, or otherwise seeing Gordon do something good with his insane undead powers and like, the third time he meets up with him is when they can actually talk, and Gordons fuckin SO haggard, he’s not even fighting back and he’s even going as far as to say “just make sure theres nothing of me left when you’re done, I don’t want anyone else getting hurt”

Side Note: Guy has a bunch of scarring on his body from dealing with vampires, cops, ghosts, werewolves, anything violent that kills people. I'm playing with the inkling of an idea that he has Divine Blood in him, so that any time something undead bites him or tries to drink his blood, it burns. We'll see.

Side Note 2: now i really like the idea of the combine actually being an organized faction of vampire hunters that are WICKED crooked and exploit people for all their worth in exchange for their “safety” when they kill a vampire They’re essentially loansharks and Guy fucking hates them and hates the name theyve given to vampire hunting

Side Note 3: You've probably noticed that I haven't said anything about John yet! He's in this too. His species is a surprise but I need to get to him later I have an idea for where he came from (Cortana too)

I still need a good reason for Guy to not instantly kill this vampire, if not it's just gonna be "Gordon Freeman escapes the countrys best vampire hunter like a seventh time" every time they meet and they end up being rivals. And it gives Guy enough time to look past the whole "undead monster" thing and start looking at the "Oh this dude figured out how to fight his ridiculous craving for blood in a way more humane than most and is actually staying out of peoples way and keeping to himself. Guess he's not that big of a threat but I still need to keep an eye on him in case he loses it. Turns out he's got a family (Probably Alyx, Eli, Issac and Barney) who's been lookin for him and cares about him as well, don't wanna hurt them". I like the idea of them ending up needing to team up to take out undead together.

And that's what I got so far!!!

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

I want to watch the finale of Supernatural but I stopped watching a while back, I don't even know when. The last thing I remember is Jack. Could you sum up what I need to get the gist of what's happening so I understand the finale and nothing more? I'll watch the seasons I missed in some future time, but I want to be there when it ends.

okay, well, there’s a lot of nuance that i’m not totally hip to because i haven’t been watching the episodes myself, just following the plot through my dash. but i’ll try to sum up, despite the fact that everything i’m about to say will sound absolutely insane.

*cracks knuckles*

jack is Babey, he’s sam, dean, and cas’s son, but he’s very powerful and sometimes sorta goes back and forth between good and pure and sort of out control evil, or at least dangerous? he died... twice, i think, but got brought back, of course.

in the course of saving him one of those times, cas made a deal with the empty, which is sort of a nothingness where dead angels go. cas ended up in the empty after he was killed at the end of s12. 

okay, so cas died at the end of s12, dean was heartbroken and blamed jack for cas’s death and hated him; jack overheard dean’s grief and his power basically woke cas up in the empty. after cas came back he grew to love jack and view him like his son too.

it’s extremely worth it to watch the cas x empty scenes, because misha played the empty too and it was hilarious. cas literally annoys the empty into spitting him back out into life. 

dean and cas had an amazing reunion, music played while they gazed at each other and then hugged, and then they worked a case and dressed up like cowboys together. it was great.

okay, so that alternate universe place they went through via a crack in reality, i guess? jack and mary got stuck on the other side for a while, but they made it back (gabriel and lucifer showed up again?? yeah, we got gabriel back, but then he died again) and they brought a bunch of alternate versions of dead-in-our-universe characters, like bobby and charlie. unfortunately most of them got wiped out in s14.

okay but then lucifer was going to kill everybody, and dean “why come up with a good plan when i can just sacrifice myself” winchester decided that the only way to save sam from lucifer was by accepting alternate universe michael’s offer to possess him, finally fulfilling dean’s original purpose as the michael sword.

what ensued was the worst fight scene in the entire show. jensen won’t shut up about how much he hates it. but anyway, michael!dean defeated lucifer, but michael refused to give dean back now that he was comfy, awkward freeze frame + zoom finale.

so s14 is all dean is possessed by a murderous archangel angst, sam and cas trying to save him, dean managing to get michael under his control and locking him up inside his mind. but again, per his middle name, dean decided to just lock himself in a super special magic box and throw it in the ocean so michael never got loose again. brilliant. 

at some point, they get michael out of dean, he possesses someone else for a while then takes dean again, they get magic angel handcuffs on him and take him back home. i’m not sure about the order of events.

wait. okay, back in s13 they introduced a (great) character named kaia nieves, a ‘dreamwalker’ with the power/curse to enter other dimensions when she sleeps. in s13 they tried to do another spinoff (which we all loved) focused on jody (and donna) and her house of wayward girls, including claire and alex, another girl named patience, and kaia. sam and dean got trapped in another dimension and the ladies had to team up to rescue them, during which time claire and kaia (subtextually, but, later, canonically!!) fell in love. unfortunately kaia was killed in the process, but by an... alternate, Dark version of herself?

so back in s14, amid the michael story, this Dark kaia is found, and she has some magic spear thing that helps them fight michael. i can’t retain all these details. the important thing is that, somehow, eventually they found and rescued real kaia (i don’t remember how, i’m not gonna question resurrecting your gays) and jody came to take her back home to be with claire. :)

at some point, they get pulled into a scooby doo cartoon.

there’s also an episode that magically brings back john winchester for a day to be reunited with sam and dean and mary, and, well, most of you know my feelings about john. 

i can’t remember how they ended up defeating michael, so i assume it doesn’t really matter. the great part is that rowena basically became a good guy and replaced crowley as their go-to dark magic friend. she’s awesome.

okay but then jack sort of went crazy, and in the course of it not-really-on-purpose killed mary. which pisses me off, but, ugh, whatever.

dean, understandably, freaked out and was furious with jack, became convinced that he had to kill jack. cas, of course, wants to protect his son, so they’re at odds.

then BOOM, guess what? god shows up. chuck drops into the middle of everything, and turns out, he’s the Big Bad. he’s the author that’s been writing this story, that’s been pulling the sam-and-dean strings from the beginning for his own amusement, and he wants them to do as they’re told to complete the story he wants. 

predictably, team free will says “fuck you actually” so chuck goes fine, fuck YOU, story’s over. season finale with him killing jack, raising a zombie and ghost army to turn on team free will.

now we’re up to s15. jack’s corpse gets possessed by an actually really fun demon called belphegor, i enjoyed him. team free will fights off the zombies/ghosts best they can, but all these evil spirits are spilling out and hurting people, and ultimately rowena agrees to sacrifice herself to put a stop to it. (and something between her and sam gets confirmed, though they don’t kiss or anything.)

which pissed me off for a while, but guess WHAT, tfw has to go to hell a few episodes later, and who shows up but QUEEN OF HELL ROWENA. fuuuuck yes.

meanwhile dean is having an existential crisis over free will being an illusion, he’s still furious that mary died, and he takes all of it out on cas, because we hurt the ones we love. cas is upset by it, of course, but good for him, he stands up for himself and says actually i’m not going to accept being treated like this, and he leaves. 

cas hunts for himself for a while, he and dean exude big cold shoulder vibes, but then they have to return to purgatory together to get something (they went back to purgatory!!) and dean thinks for a minute that cas might be dead, he can’t find him, and dean has the really beautiful breakdown where he prays to cas and apologizes to him, says how sorry he is that he behaved like that and hurt him. he finds cas and they hug and it’s really sweet.

meanwhile, eileen gets brought back from the dead and she and sam become an item and they’re really adorable. 

jack gets brought back, though i... can’t remember how. 

we see amara and garth again, and there’s an episode with a flashback of anael (danneel ackles) interacting with ruby (genevieve padalecki). 

chuck is off wiping out all his alternate universes (he literally has aus ;alsdfja;sldfj) and winding up to wiping out this reality, plot stuff of tfw trying to figure out how to stop him, etc. jack tries to figure out a way to sacrifice himself to take out chuck, largely because he thinks he has to redeem himself to dean for killing mary. ultimately the plan fails anyway.

chuck comes back and meets up with amara, and apparently ends up “aborbing” her into himself because he wants total power. he shows up in the bunker and rails at cas, telling him that this one single cas is the only creation in all the universes that chuck couldn’t control, that when this cas raised dean from perdition he changed and would no longer do as he was told. can you believe.

billie (death) wants Order and Balance and doesn’t really care about tfw personally, so she tries to get them to go along with her plan, but apparently they fought back and killed her in the last episode. 

i haven’t really paid attention to anything except the i love you from the last episode, but apparently there was an infinity war-style wipeout of a bunch of characters, including donna and au charlie. 

remember how i said cas made a deal with the empty? that deal was that the empty would come and get him when and only when he allowed himself to be truly happy. dean’s life was in danger and somehow cas being taken away would save him (details, details), so cas made his confession and told dean that dean is so loving and kind that he made cas care about the world, and all this time cas has known that what he’s wanted is the one thing he can’t have but now he’s realized that happiness is in just being, just saying, not having. he allows himself to be truly happy just in loving dean, just in telling him, and that’s when the empty comes for him.

and... that’s where we are. 

now, i’d like to ask you: can you explain to me why i can remember all of this with only minor assistance from imdb, but i struggle to remember my own social security number? riddle me that.

and before i press ‘post’, i’d like to apologize to everyone who doesn’t watch spn who just read or even just scrolled past this, because i’m well aware that trying to explain literally any of this show to non-spn people sounds absolutely batshit insane. maybe now you understand why we’re all Like This.

[jaskiersvalley]

Hi. I'm sorry to bother you. Can I request some domestic witchersexual Jaskier?? I just had to put my 6 year old doberman down because she had an autoimmune disease and wasn't getting better and I'm really sad and I have read most of the new fics on tumblr and AO3 but alot of it is whump or Angst and I can't deal with that right now.

I am so sorry to hear about your doberman! It’s never easy to lose a beloved pet. If there is anything beyond writing something to take your mind off things that I can do, please do drop me a line either via ask or DMs. This story turned a little less domestic with not all focus on Jaskier but...hopefully it still gives you the comfort you crave.

Rumours were rife. Witchers, already a dying breed, were disappearing without a trace. No body to recover, no contract to follow the trail of. One minute a witcher was travelling in his usual stomping grounds, the next, he was never seen again. It had Vesemir fretting. Just because he was responsible for Kaer Morhen didn’t mean he was blind and deaf to the stories that were rife. Strangely, despite the witchers disappearing, there wasn’t an abundance of creatures running rampant.

Of course Vesemir worried for his pups. He worried for all witchers but his own boys were special to him. When winter came and Lambert turned up, followed not long after by Eskel, Vesemir could almost relax. A crow from Geralt reassured him that his wolves were all okay and whatever was snatching witchers hadn’t been able to get to them. It didn’t take much to gently extract a promise of regular communication with them throughout the following year. Messages were regularly sent back, letting Vesemir know that the unseen enemy hadn’t snatched them. Yet.

Despite their best efforts, Eskel stopped writing. Even when Lambert and Geralt rushed to where he was last seen, there was no trace of him, nothing. That winter, Eskel didn’t return home and they mourned him.

If only Eskel had been enough for the monster that seemed to hunt witchers exclusively. However, Lambert made it down from Kaer Morhen in the spring and was never seen again. Vesemir tried to remind himself that this was a witcher’s life. Solitary, filled with loss, grief and there was no hope of a happy ending. At least he still had Geralt, the shining star of the Wolf School. Deep down, Vesemir found it fitting that Geralt would be the last one standing of his pups, even if Eskel had been his equal in all but fame.

Witchers didn’t travel together, there wasn’t enough work in any area to support one, let alone two witchers. But Vesemir didn’t want to be the last Wolf in existence and he didn’t want to lose Geralt. Not when they had both lost so much already. Kaer Morhen could lock its doors for one last time. It was already crumbling and Vesemir didn’t think he would be returning, not if he went out on the path, shadowing Geralt in a parallel path, occasionally meeting up.

If anything, contracts were more scarce than ever before despite there being fewer witchers. It made no sense and Vesemir couldn’t understand. There was no explanation for it but he trudged on, determined to do what he had been created for. If there were fewer witchers in the world, he would pick up the slack.

Camping was harsh, sleeping on the ground made Vesemir’s bones ache. It was a witcher’s lot in life to weather the discomforts, even in old age. In the morning, Vesemir packed up camp and trudged out onto the road. He and Geralt were heading towards Nilfgaard, an army always left necrophages in its wake so it was a guaranteed income. Somewhere in the distance, there was singing and the soft strum of lute drifting through the air. A fellow traveller, a happy one at that. Unintentionally, Vesemir slowed his steps and let the singer slowly catch up.

“Fine day,” the brightly coloured man called, bouncing along as he played. He definitely kept strange company, an elf who smiled indulgently.

“Made all the brighter by your cheer.” Even if Vesemir wasn’t a fan of the style of music, he could still be polite and appreciate the attitude if not the noise.

“Thank you, kind sir.” The bard took a bow. “I’m Jaskier, this is my friend Chireadan. Mind if we accompany you along this path for a while?”

A bit of company was always welcome, even if Vesemir used it to gather information rather than make friends. The two made for curious travellers, seemingly defenceless, not a sword or dagger between them. It had Vesemir wondering just how they had survived for so long.

Chatter turned from pleasant chitchat to current events to probing questions. It was such a subtle shift, Vesemir didn’t notice until he was being asked quite pointed questions about being a witcher.

“So in all your 300 and something years, you’d never been able to rest?”

Vesemir blinked. “Well, maintaining Kaer Morhen was as much of a break as any witcher could have.”

It only drew a hum from Jaskier. “So single-handedly being responsible for a large keep, repairing it, ensuring crops grow around it to keep four, five, maybe even six witcher bellied full over winter, thinning out the forktails so when your pups and stragglers return home they won’t have to fight as hard, that counts as a break, yes?”

When put like that...Vesemir shrugged it off He did what the world demanded of him, no more, no less. It didn’t seem to deter Jaskier.

“What about a true rest? If I could offer you something, would you take it?”

“No.” Because Vesemir couldn’t abandon Geralt. Not when it was just Geralt left. Even if the others had still been around, Vesemir couldn’t in good conscience leave them behind to live a harsh life with nobody to greet them home each year.

“If it’s Geralt you’re worried about, I promise it’s okay. He’ll be there too.”

Perhaps Vesemir should have been more alert and distrusting. An elf and a bard, unarmed and yet seemingly so at ease in the world. There had to be something more to them. But his medallion didn’t sing, didn’t hum, there wasn’t even the slightest bit of vibration to it. Human and elf. Nothing more. And yet.

“You’ve served your time. You can relax now,” Jaskier murmured softly, swaying closer and putting a hand on Vesemir’s back to guide him.

“Are you Death?”

The sharp, bright laugh suggested that Vesemir was wrong.

“If he is Death, what does that make me? I’m a healer by trade,” Chireadan chipped in. He had been quiet for most of their shared journey, smiling fondly and staring off into the distance, aloof like most elves. “Let us show you what we offer.”

They stopped in the middle of the dusty road with nobody around for miles. Jaskier fished something out of his pocket and, with a lot of fidgeting and even more cursing, a portal suddenly opened up. It was portable, contained chaos and Vesemir took a step back.

“It’s okay.” That was Geralt’s voice and he stepped out of a portal from behind Vesemir. “I fucking hate portals but you can trust that one.”

Whatever trickery this was, Vesemir didn’t trust it one bit. However, Geralt urged Roach through before turning to him with a lopsided smile. “Come home.”

With that, Geralt stepped into the portal and Vesemir reached for him, wanting to pull him back.

“What’s it going to be, my Lone Wolf?” Jaskier asked. Chireadan had stepped through the portal too, waving with a quiet “see you in a minute” which was just a little presumptuous.

Steeling himself, Vesemir gave in. He’d had enough, all the fighting, the loss, the grief, it was enough. Even if this was a trick, he realised there was no point in resisting. His pups were gone, Kaer Morhen wasn’t a place to live alone, contracts were more and more scarce. It was time to put down his swords and accept whatever was on the other side of the portal. Vesemir didn’t look back as he stepped through, feeling the world lurch around him.

The other side was bright, breezy and noisy. Water lapped at the shores of a beach and there was life bustling around him, laughter and...people shouting his name. Geralt stepped closer first and squeezed his shoulder.

“Welcome to The Island.”

Behind Vesemir, Jaskier had stepped through and the portal closed. More people were approaching. Ciri was running towards him like she was still a child. Behind her was- Vesemir’s breath hitched. There was Eskel and Lambert on either side of Jaskier. And Coen. And Aiden. Letho. Wolf, Cat, Griffin, Viper, Bear, all the schools’ surviving witchers, smiling, laughing and happy. It was beyond anything Vesemir had ever seen or even dared hope for.

“What?” He choked out.

“The world didn’t need us any more. And we didn’t need them,” Geralt explained. It wasn’t all witchers, there were a couple of sorceresses, elves and humans too. They all looked comfortable and happy.

“It all started with Eskel,” Jaskier said, an arm around the witcher in question’s waist. “An enchanted bear trap caught him out.” It explained why he limped probably. “It was just me at the time and the idea of a retirement retreat was barely a babe in my mind. But Triss helped heal him and I started travelling with Chireadan. Needed to make sure I could get every hurting witcher home.”

“Actually, Jaskier wanted a sex island,” Lambert butted in. Vesemir noted that he looked at peace, smiling without any of the bitterness he’d been weighed down by over the years. “Eskel couldn’t run. I didn’t want to run. Eventually Geralt let himself get caught. Like a stray cat Aiden turned up. Then Ciri dragged her friends with her. A Jaskier’s got a lot of love to give if they want it.”

Geralt smiled at the stunned look on Vesemir’s face. He clapped him on the shoulder.

“I said welcome to The Island earlier but what I actually meant was welcome home.”

[jonroxton]

can you talk about chlark beyond chloe? personally i think it's weird that the writers kept adding kisses and weird romantic moments without any pay off. i don't know much about the fandom back then but i think the writers were baiting fans since clark/chloe seems to be the second most popular ship after clex. second i personally think chloe would never be happy with clark or anyone tbh and she doesn't seem like the type of person who would have kids so the finale was weird to me.

this got looooong :)

0. it WAS weird, and the choice to never not once go for it with them was to the story's detriment. I'll get into it a little later on in this post.

Re: shipping in sv fandom. there was definitely drama (clana was HUGE when the show was airing and every ship was basically derailed by it lol) but I stayed in my clois lane with a small circle of fandom friends much like I do now. a good measure of clois fans were fans of lois and clark from other mediums, come to sv just for lois and clark, myself included. we were pretty insulated as a fandom even back then. I do remember seeing more Chlark after the S5 finale (when Chloe kisses him goodbye), but those dropped off after Jimmy was introduced right away in S6. The most drama I encountered was with Chloisers: Chloe fans who believed wholeheartedly that Chloe was Lois. They hated SV!Lois and were convinced she would die so Chloe could take her name and job and place by Clark's side, thus a Chlark endgame. this was a popular theory amongst that fandom even into s9, when the clois ball started to roll for true.

bait and switch

a lot of Chlark is rooted in this notion that chloe WOULD be the best thing for Clark, the ideal Lois, the true best friend, the human hand guiding him through Earth's troubles. she would be could be the BEST possible lois archetype for Clark. it's not a wrong interpretation. she was specifically written as a lois-and-lana-proxy (teenage lana is a reporter in some AUs and even some as an adult as a tv correspondent) and she's given many lois-ish traits (tenacious, secretly crushing on clark and in denial), but this interpretation is deeply flawed. first, because lois does eventually enter into the picture and she has her own defining traits that, when compared to chloe, make chloe seem much shallower than realized. secondly, within the complete context of the story, her position in the greater narrative is not as ~the one who got away, the way it did very early on in S1-S4, but one who clark tolerates.

they're friends because clark is forgiving and chloe has staying power. their friendship is riddled with insecurities and unknowns the characters create for themselves. their dynamic is defined by conflict, not resolutions. this is not made easy by the fact that chloe is such a strangely written character, but ultimately she is positioned as a counter to clark achieving his happiness. not a thematic narrative foil but an obstacle clark eventually relents to.

2. and it has been so from the get-go

S1 is the best season for them and the single season which actually considers Clark's side in this dynamic. everything about them later on can be explained with how they are in this season. and that's the problem. when they're 14 it's nice teen angst drama and works perfectly to establish the dynamic. when they're 24 it's at best a pattern, at worst regression. we expect certain behaviors, dismiss them too, when it's children, at least I do. clark and chloe never move beyond the dynamic they establish in s1 and early s2. in essence, clark and chloe remain children around each other. they have many discussions in the later seasons that make at least one appear petulant.

so S1 clark has just been told the greatest secret of his existence and he imprints on lana hard that same night (right AFTER jonathan tells him, he meets lana at the graveyard and talks to her for the first time EVER, a lot of childhood imprinting going on in SV). all of s1 follows clark's heartache over lana, watching her from afar and figuring out a way to be near her. this pain is exacerbated by the fact that he believes he caused her her greatest grief: the death of her parents via the meteor shower which he arrived in.

here the first beat of the chlark dynamic is established: chloe's job and passion – the wall of weird and her pursuing the meteor infected oddities of SV - directly affects clark in a negative way (he's suicidal for much of s1-s3). so her crush on him is countered with her unknowingly causing him great grief. om top of that: clark becomes part of this passion of hers and she eventually begins to pursue him as a story to be uncovered, very superman yes. here tho, it causes nothing but strife for them and paints chloe in an awful light (and clark too, highlighting his refusal to open up). I personally enjoy this aspect of them in s1. bc they're so young I give em a free pass and it's a good conflict playing around with old superman tropes, but it makes for a fraught friendship.

3. the second beat

is that neither chloe's crush on clark, nor his asking her to stop pursuing his truth, do anything to stay her. her tenaciousness becomes intrusiveness and inconsideration (many of her accomplishments irt the daily planet are directly bc she betrays clark). she simply will not listen to her friend and does not believe his livelihood and autonomy is worth losing a story over. this is literally the opposite of comics/live action lois lane, who in various versions drops the clark reveal story to protect him. this passion turns vindictive pretty early for chloe, who eventually pursues stories about clark out of jealousy and entitlement (against lana also).

4. the third beat

is that clark doesn't ever see chloe as romantic prospect except this time in s1. the tornado trapping lana pulls him away from any solidifying of the clark/chloe dynamic, and that's that. but we know clark was willing to go for it in early s2 when he apologizes to chloe about running off on her. it's chloe who decides not to go on with the relationship. clark is visibly confused, but also 15 so he can't see that chloe is putting on a brave front to protect herself from clark running off again. I liked this too as it's another play on superman tropes, but my sympathy for them stops here.

5. and stays here

these beats are the entirety of this dynamic. everything about chlark can be distilled down to their childhood. it's why I don't hate them completely, bc I have a lot of love for kids who hurt in such a way and that time is never easy. in s8 (I think its s8) when we get a flashback to when they meet as kids (more imprinting!). little tenacious cute chloe kisses insecure clark bc of the funny awkward tension, acknowledging it, and then immediately takes it back because they're better as friends. (also they’re like 11 lol)

every single romantic moment with them is undercut either by chloe herself, or by the presence of other storylines/romances the writers wanted to pursue. the lack of integrity in chloe and the lack of interest in clark, regardless of how sincere their connection or how messed up, is a central part of their dynamic that needs to be reconciled with their friendship. and its exhausting bc there is never a point they are ever truly comfortable around each other.

6. to a fault

knowing the secret doesn't change chloe's methods. it doesn't make chloe clark's great confidante. if anything, it complicates matters for both because their relationship then becomes about the greater good and clark's great destiny. everything chloe does becomes about that, which in theory sounds awesome, but is executed much the same way as s1!chlark: by reiterating behaviors that highlight the negative aspects of that loyalty and the negative aspects of their characters.

the single time they do actively examine what this loyalty means and how chloe's hero complex complicates things for chlark is with s8 and davis. she protects davis with the skills of subterfuge and secrecy she developed as clark's friend. and it costs her jimmy and a lot of her personal integrity as a character. tho ironically it makes chloe the strongest she's been as a character. this is the first time clark is forced to view chloe as an enemy and he never quite recovers from discovering the dark depths she’s willing to go to. 

it's an arc dealing with the established beats: how far chloe is willing to go for a kryptonian (very far), how much she's willing to do for him (A LOT and all of it illegal), and what it costs her (jimmy). it deals with her jealousy (always second choice) and her motivations (uncovering the truth). this great want that she struggled with for years is turned on its head and examined, revealing just how weird and dark her hero complex is because obviously davis is not clark. davis/chloe served to highlight more than any other arc how it's really too bad that clark never saw her that way, because she has so much love to give and when channeled, it's a great force. only it's a great force for evil. clark has to confront that it’s not just lex but his other closest friend who is willing to go so far. they backtrack hard in s9 and s10 but they keep this underlying wariness in clark towards Chloe throughout. it’s not anything new, but it’s no longer subtext that clark doesn’t fully trust chloe.

7. And that's the rub

in the end. chloe and clark have many storylines they're in together and chloe's important.... to develop clark and as a counter to clark. clark never instigates anything, not once, for 9 years! when the show did give us Moments TM, clark is reacting, not actively making choices to connect to her. if anything, clark is incredibly awkward about chloe when they become intimate. he doesn't seem to know what to do with her crushing on him (the elevator scene is a great one to show just how awkward chloe makes him feel). more than that. clark never tells her his secret. and later on, chloe doesn't tell him half the crazy wild shit she does to protect him bc she knows he would disapprove. I still hold that the only reason they work is bc clark is a forgiving character and would give her chance after chance after chance. that's the watsonian explanation, but the doylist explanation is that the writers just never cared to explore them beyond this point.

8. and what was beyond that point?

they would've been a great counter to lexana in S6 and early clana (clark finally having a gf who knows). it’s playing the clark/Chloe as a straight lois/clark proxy before actually pursuing lois and clark. it could’ve been the precursor to davis and caused an even more personal conflict! the kiss at the end of s5 was their chance. they could've written chlark devolving much the same way lexana did in s6 (or not). but again. the writers never went that far and clearly never wanted to. it kept chlark forever in this stage of childhood friendship always on the brink of collapsing, tittering either way. it's also tough to speculate bc clark's just not into her. in fact he becomes more and more wary of her, to the point where he believes she can do horrible things, and he's right. the stories continually make their methods complete opposite.

they go out of their way to show chloe realizing how happy clark is with lois. and even play a joke on the fandom by literally turning her into lois and seeing the sparks between her friends. it's almost... cruel but it does serve to show how clark is when he's smitten and he's never looked at chloe that way except during the dance when they were kids. other unrequited dynamics have at least some spark from the desired, but nil from clark. clark is into chloe in late s1, but she shuts him down, and when he seems to be into her again (damn that s5 kiss was a good one lol), she shuts him down again. it's just a weird writing choice all around, and that they kept nuggets of it throughout the show is the thing I cringe at most whenever I rewatch.

9. bait and switch 2

with hindsight it is definitely ship baiting and that sucks for that dynamic bc without it their friendship would’ve been the stronger, or at least not full of so much negativity. all it did was remind everyone that chloe’s been duped since she was a kid and that clark is both stupid and strange for never noticing and letting her get away with shit just bc she’s the most loyal. I don’t ship them and even I get frustrated lol