#but she also cares about everyone!! she's a healer and wants to understand and help others!!

[sugar-konpeito]

i feel like sailor moon fandom sanitizes usagi way too much. like her whole point (in the anime at least) is that she's a massive unhinged mess who causes really big issues but is ultimately kind

[illycanary]

Katara's Story Is A Tragedy and It's Not An Accident

I was a teenaged girl when Avatar: The Last Airbender aired on Nickelodeon—the group that the show’s creators unintentionally hit while they were aiming for the younger, maler demographic. Nevermind that we’re the reason the show’s popularity caught fire and has endured for two decades; we weren’t the audience Mike and Bryan wanted. And by golly, were they going to make sure we knew it. They’ve been making sure we know it with every snide comment and addendum they’ve made to the story for the last twenty years.

For many of us girls who were raised in the nineties and aughts, Katara was a breath of fresh air—a rare opportunity in a media market saturated with boys having grand adventures to see a young woman having her own adventure and expressing the same fears and frustrations we were often made to feel. 

We were told that we could be anything we wanted to be. That we were strong and smart and brimming with potential. That we were just as capable as the boys. That we were our brothers’ equals. But we were also told to wash dishes and fold laundry and tidy around the house while our brothers played outside. We were ignored when our male classmates picked teams for kickball and told to go play with the girls on the swings—the same girls we were taught to deride if we wanted to be taken seriously. We were lectured for the same immaturity that was expected of boys our age and older, and we were told to do better while also being told, “Boys will be boys.” Despite all the platitudes about equality and power, we saw our mothers straining under the weight of carrying both full-time careers and unequally divided family responsibilities. We sensed that we were being groomed for the same future. 

And we saw ourselves in Katara. 

Katara begins as a parentified teenaged girl: forced to take on responsibility for the daily care of people around her—including male figures who are capable of looking after themselves but are allowed to be immature enough to foist such labor onto her. She does thankless work for people who take her contributions for granted. She’s belittled by people who love her, but don’t understand her. She’s isolated from the world and denied opportunities to improve her talents. She's told what emotions she's allowed to feel and when to feel them. In essence, she was living our real-world fear: being trapped in someone else’s narrow, stultifying definition of femininity and motherhood. 

Then we watched Katara go through an incredible journey of self-determination and empowerment. Katara goes from being a powerless, fearful victim to being a protector, healer, advocate, and liberator to others who can’t do those things for themselves (a much truer and more fulfilling definition of nurturing and motherhood). It’s necessary in Katara’s growth cycle that she does this for others first because that is the realm she knows. She is given increasingly significant opportunities to speak up and fight on behalf of others, and that allows her to build those advocacy muscles gradually. But she still holds back her own emotional pain because everyone that she attempts to express such things to proves they either don't want to deal with it or they only want to manipulate her feelings for their own purposes. 

Katara continues to do much of the work we think of as traditionally maternal on behalf of her friends and family over the course of the story, but we do see that scale gradually shift. Sokka takes on more responsibility for managing the group’s supplies, and everyone helps around camp, but Katara continues to be the manager of everyone else’s emotions while simultaneously punching down her own. The scales finally seem to tip when Zuko joins the group. With Zuko, we see someone working alongside Katara doing the same tasks she is doing around camp for the first time. Zuko is also the only person who never expects anything of her and whose emotions she never has to manage because he’s actually more emotionally stable and mature than she is by that point. And then, Katara’s arc culminates in her finally getting the chance to fully seize her power, rewrite the story of the traumatic event that cast her into the role of parentified child, be her own protector, and freely express everything she’s kept locked away for the sake of letting everyone else feel comfortable around her. Then she fights alongside an equal partner she knows she can trust and depend on through the story's climax. And for the first time since her mother’s death, the girl who gives and gives and gives while getting nothing back watches someone sacrifice everything for her. But this time, she’s able to change the ending because her power is fully realized. The cycle was officially broken.

Katara’s character arc was catharsis at every step. If Katara could break the mold and recreate the ideas of womanhood and motherhood in her own image, so could we. We could be powerful. We could care for ourselves AND others when they need us—instead of caring for everyone all the time at our own expense. We could have balanced partnerships with give and take going both ways (“Tui and La, push and pull”), rather than the, “I give, they take,” model we were conditioned to expect. We could fight for and determine our own destiny—after all, wasn’t destiny a core theme of the story?

Yes. Destiny was the theme. But the lesson was that Katara didn’t get to determine hers. 

After Katara achieves her victory and completes her arc, the narrative steps in and smacks her back down to where she started. For reasons that are never explained or justified, Katara rewards the hero by giving into his romantic advances even though he has invalidated her emotions, violated her boundaries, lashed out at her for slights against him she never committed, idealized a false idol of her then browbeat her when she deviated from his narrative, and forced her to carry his emotions and put herself in danger when he willingly fails to control himself—even though he never apologizes, never learns his lesson, and never shows any inclination to do better. 

And do better he does not.

The more we dared to voice our own opinions on a character that was clearly meant to represent us, the more Mike and Bryan punished Katara for it.

Throughout the comics, Katara makes herself smaller and smaller and forfeits all rights to personal actualization and satisfaction in her relationship. She punches her feelings down when her partner neglects her and cries alone as he shows more affection and concern for literally every other girl’s feelings than hers. She becomes cowed by his outbursts and threats of violence. Instead of rising with the moon or resting in the warmth of the sun, she learns to stay in his shadow. She gives up her silly childish dreams of rebuilding her own dying culture’s traditions and advocating for other oppressed groups so that she can fulfill his wishes to rebuild his culture instead—by being his babymaker. Katara gave up everything she cared about and everything she fought to become for the whims of a man-child who never saw her as a person, only a possession.

Then, in her old age, we get to watch the fallout of his neglect—both toward her and her children who did not meet his expectations. By that point, the girl who would never turn her back on anyone who needed her was too far gone to even advocate for her own children in her own home. And even after he’s gone, Katara never dares to define herself again. She remains, for the next twenty-plus years of her life, nothing more than her husband's grieving widow. She was never recognized for her accomplishments, the battles she won, or the people she liberated. Even her own children and grandchildren have all but forgotten her. She ends her story exactly where it began: trapped in someone else’s narrow, stultifying definition of femininity and motherhood.

The story’s theme was destiny, remember? But this story’s target audience was little boys. Zuko gets to determine his own destiny as long as he works hard and earns it. Aang gets his destiny no matter what he does or doesn’t do to earn it. And Katara cannot change the destiny she was assigned by gender at birth, no matter how hard she fights for it or how many times over she earns it. 

Katara is Winston Smith, and the year is 1984. It doesn’t matter how hard you fight or what you accomplish, little girl. Big Brother is too big, too strong, and too powerful. You will never escape. You will never be free. Your victories are meaningless. So stay in your place, do what you’re told, and cry quietly so your tears don’t bother people who matter.

I will never get over it. Because I am Katara. And so are my friends, sisters, daughters, and nieces. But I am not content to live in Bryke's world.

I will never turn my back on people who need me. Including me.

[starsxblazing]

Cause and Effect (Part 1)

a/n: Finally part one of the series as I work on requests! I tagged everyone that commented on the original story but there were a few that I was unable to. Thank all of you so much in your interest!

Azriel x reader/Archeron!sister

(Part 2)

From the moment that you were forced into the Cauldron, your life had drastically changed. You weren’t sure what to do or where you fit in life. It wasn’t like you truly fit in anywhere anyway but it had only been amplified by being turned into High Fae. Pain and betrayal stayed with you because Feyre had done nothing to help you, Nesta, and Elain. In a sense, you understood why but it didn’t stop the emotions.

Being the youngest of all of the Archeron sisters meant that you were always looked over by everyone. Your father barely acknowledged your existence and Nesta was always more concerned about Elain and her wellbeing. You were only a year younger than Feyre and even she wasn’t treated in the way that you were.

Maybe it was because she took the initiative to risk her life to keep you all fed but when you pushed to help her, she refused your help and brushed you aside like everyone else. The only attention that you got was from a boy your age and you also knew that he didn’t truly care about you. It was only all about him getting what he wanted and then leaving.

The one thing that kept you going, kept you somewhat hopeful, were a select few human holidays that were nearly completely forgotten for a reason unknown to you. There was one in particular that always stood out and you always did your best to celebrate it. Despite that, your low rank in the family simply earned you a scoff and told that it didn’t matter. 

You simply wanted to share a small bit of joy that you could hold onto with the four of them. It was hard being so different in the sense that you wanted to spread love and joy but everyone around you was more focused on being miserable with poverty. 

The Fae had their own traditions, you had learned, in the separate courts in the new world that you were forced into but that piece of you that loved your holiday felt as if it was slowly dying. Dying just as your humanity had. You had watched in horror as Feyre was forced back to the original court that she had found her first love in. Despite that, you kept silent while standing a few feet away from your two oldest sisters on the ground who were just as drenched as you were.

Mor had all three of you before you had time to blink, sending you all through a pit of darkness before landing in yet another place that you were unfamiliar with. Naturally, everything would be unknown to you and a piece of you didn’t really care. As you sat in your room all alone, your mind drifted to the males in the castle that you had been in and you could only hope that they were alright. Your caring heart wouldn’t let you feel much of anything else.

That was until you began to move between both of your sisters' rooms. You didn’t want to be alone but Elain was in a catatonic state and Nesta simply shoved you out of the room. It was a traumatizing situation for all of you but you craved and longed for someone to be there for you as Nesta was for Elain to help you cope.

Mor had come to check on all three of you within a couple of hours and she was the first one that showed you genuine kindness for the first time in a really long time. It unfortunately didn’t last long before the female left you alone again with the excuse that she needed to check on her friends.

“Are they going to be okay?” you asked worriedly.

“They will be,” she assured with a tender smile. “They just need some rest while the healers work on them.”

“Tell them that I hope that they get better soon.”

She gave you a small smile of understanding and once she left, you made your way back to your room. You hadn’t taken the time before to fully take in the sight before you. The bed was huge, decorated in different shades of blue. Your new bed was just as big and it made you wonder why a bed would need to be so large. It was a far cry from what you were used to in poverty and even the new estate that you had placed in couldn’t compare to this.

The balcony was what caught your attention the most and you couldn’t stop yourself from enjoying the evening breeze that flowed through your hair, setting you at ease as you took in the sight of the city below you. You knew that the small area would be where you would spend a majority of your time if your sisters didn’t want anything to do with you.

Unable to stay in one place, you found yourself wandering aimlessly in an attempt to learn your new surroundings. The simple fact that it was built into the mountain amazed you and you wondered how much work it took to do such a thing. Becoming aware of your surroundings was your main goal but you always ran excitedly when Mor came to visit.

“Have you heard from Feyre?” you asked as you dined with her at the end of your first day in your new dwellings.

No.” Mor shook her head, sadness written in her features. “She’s fully capable of handling herself but we’re hoping that it won’t take her long to accomplish whatever she has planned.”

“And your friends?”

“Our best healer is working on Cassian’s wings,” she answered somewhat hesitantly even though you swore you saw tenderness in her eyes. “Azriel’s wound was nowhere near as bad as it seemed and he’ll be okay in another day or so.”

“I can’t imagine how much it would hurt to have that happen when you have wings.” You shook your head as pain for them filled you. “Or having an arrow in your chest that’s laced with poison.”

“They are Illyrians and they heal quickly,” she assured. “Healing and reconstructing wings is quite difficult but we trust our healer immensely.”

You weren’t given much information and your heart sank whenever she had to leave to check on the injured males. Taking a chance on Nesta again, you slipped into the library to be met with a hostile face. It was all that you could do not to cringe away from that look so you sighed instead.

“Mor just left and said her friends are healing,” you offered.

“I don’t care,” she replied matter of factly, her tone proving her words. “What are you doing here?”

“I uh- Just came for a book,” you muttered, your heart breaking at the hatred that you were receiving.

“Well get it and go.”

Doing as told, you grabbed the first book that you could get your hands on and darted to your room. Mor hadn’t returned on the second day and Rhysand, the High Lord, simply walked through the home, glancing at all three of you before leaving again. You were unable to focus on the words in the romance book that you had unknowingly grabbed as you sat at the dining room table on the third day.

You heard the beat of wings before you saw them and noticed that it was one of the males, Azriel as you remembered, who had landed on the balcony. It took you a moment of staring to realize that he was the most beautiful male that you had ever seen in your relatively short life. He locked eyes with you when he noticed you and his own went wide when you smiled brightly before he stumbled back a step as if he were in shock.

“Hey!” you exclaimed a bit too excitedly, happy to see another person.

“Hi,” he whispered breathlessly.

A small smile formed on his face that only caused you to grin in response.

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[marymary-diva17]

Heeeyyy it's been a while since I've been here, but i got another idea.

So you remember me telling about the trope of readee being hated and suxh by the sully, well, instead of the usual 'sad reader wanting to fit in the family and gets hurt in the process', i actually thought of a reader who is overly calm and very strategic and honestly doesn't care about the fact that her family hates her, cause she spends more time with her friends and such and only comes when it's an emergency. She's also better than Neteyam at being a warrior that she trained many new warriors and has a very high spiritual connection with eywa, even more than Kiri

sully family x sister/daughter

The sully family had live by two quotes one of them being " sully stick together" and second on being " that their family was a fortress" well that was all true but false. There was one family member that didn't get the same love and treatment like all the other children within the family and outside of the family. That family member is Jake and neytiri daughter, who never seem to with over her parents and even her siblings along with the rest of the clan. A child who does not get love and care will soon grow up by themselves and becoming independent, and might not return love and care to those who never gave it to them.

y/n " ........" you soon rolled out of bed way before any of your siblings wake up, even before your parents as well. This is the norm for you from such a young age you learned to stay out of your family way.

y/n " good morning grandmother" you soon went to the healer hut to see your grandmother as she was getting ready for the day.

mo'at " hello my granddaughter you are here early"

y/n " well it best if I stay out of toruk makto way along with neytiri as well" mo'at was the only few people who cared for the child, and over time grow dislike towards Jake and neytiri for their treatment of their daughter.

mo'at " yes it seems like goes well for you when you keep out of their way along with majority of the clan"

y/n " well I do stay around to make sure everyone is safe I even watch over tuk and younger kids when they play, far from their mothers watch but make sure not to get caught"

mo'at " you are might warrior my child and pure of heart as well"

y/n " well I only have a few more years of being a teen until I'm an adult and toruk makto will tell me to leave or kick me out"

mo'at " well you always have a place in my home my child"

y/n " thank you grandmother I might stay her a bit longer when I'm older then leave to seek out more of our world as eywa has been calling me"

mo'at " follow your heart my dear" you smile at your grandmother the happy mood had been changed, when the other healers had arrived young and old but none of them set towards the hut.

mo'at " don't stand there like fools come we have to get ready for the day"

y/n " it best if I take my leave grandmother my present make everyone uncomfortable"

mo'at " dear you can stay your sisters will be coming for thier lessons, and I will love you to join them"

y/n " I will like to honor your wish but that will lead to trouble for you grandmother, with our mighty leader I will see you later on" you bid your grandmother goodbye and soon left the hut, getting glares and hearing whispers but you didn't care you stopped care many years ago.

y/n " sisters good morning"

kiri "morning y/n"

tuk " big sister good morning I have missed you ... oh I mean good morning y/n" you sighed as tuk had been the only sibling to call you sister, but it seems like Jake and neytiri actions and words had finally made her start calling you sister.

tuk " are you here to help grandmother and learn with us"

tuk " that not fair or nice"

y/n " it okay little one I understand well I shouldn't hold you all up anymore, I pray to the great mother to watch over all three of you" the duo said nothing else as they soon walked away from you, but it seems like they felt bad about their behavior. You were walking around the village trying to get somewhere.

y/n " ......" you had realized you had forgotten something that home, and soon ran back to get it. You soon reached the home and went to your bed and grabbed it, the home smells like breakfast meaning the family had morning meal together. You had sighed it was normal for you to not have meals with your family at home.

y/n " time to get going" you had grabbed your armband and soon put it on before you walked out of your home, you soon made your way through the village once again.

navi man " there that girl again"

navi women " I still can't believe she toruk makto daughter she nothing like her parents or siblings, even kiri a better daughter then her"

navi man 2 " I have heard rumors that toruk makto has plans to send to live on her own"

navi women " well I heard him and neytiri were trying to find a boy to become her mate, they were given any man a good offer to be with her" you had gotten use to hearing all the hate and rumors made about you, over time when you were younger you tried you best to prove you were good enough but soon stopped over time. The feeling of not caring about other had started when you become 13 and stayed that way since then.

Jake " if we hunt on these grounds we will be able to bring back a good hunt" you soon came across Jake and his hunting group as he had your brothers and spider with him.

y/n " ........" one of the warriors had noticed you and soon whispered something to the group, as everyone soon looked at you.

Jake " y/n you are wake you were not up when we served morning meal, your mother works hard on these meals it rude to miss them"

y/n " I'm sorry sir but something came up that morning and I went to meet with grandmother"

Jake " sure whatever just stay out of trouble I don't need you causing anymore trouble"

y/n " yes sir"

lo'ak " hey sis well dad giving you the same lecture over and over again, when are you going to learn"

y/n " when are you going to stop being so hothead brother"

spider " haha she got you good bro"

neteyam " enough the people are watching stop picking on him y/n it rude"

y/n " what he started it"

neteyam " well you need to be the better person dad is stress enough he doesn't need more work about you, and have you been practicing you skills .... you know how dad and mom are"

y/n " I ....."

neytiri " yes have you been training or act like your child your younger sister has better skills then you"

neteyam " mom"

y/n " yes I have been practicing ma'am"

neytiri " not enough if you haven't pass the test like your brother"

y/n " I'm doing my best that all I can say"

Jake " enough y/n I and your mother have more important stuff to deal with verse your failing to caught up with the family .... just go and stay out of the way of everyone and everything" you didn't say anything else as you soon walked away. Your brother and spider said nothing else, even tsutey who was there said nothing as well.

norm " hey there kiddo off again"

y/n " yes same as usual"

max " had another fight with your dad again and mom"

y/n " yes it seems like I'm not enough for Jake sully and neytiri, always blaming me for stuff like some of the others and always judging me"

norm " he does care"

y/n " stopping lying we all know that false norm he doesn't care and he will never care" norm and max along with some other humans knew that was true and hate how you were treated, but they couldn't say and do that much unless they wish to start trouble with the clan.

max " you know one day you will do something amazing kid"

y/n " thank you max well I'm going off if you need Jake sully he about to leave with his hunting party along, with my brother and spider" you soon ran off getting far away from home tree and soon calling your ikran, she was not allowed to stay with the others because she looked different and was not wanted around.

y/n " come on girl lets go for a flight and to see what we will happen today" you soon took off on your ikran and started flying around the skies, feeling for free and happy. After some travel you soon reached a part the end of the forest and where the sea began. This was so a beautiful place.

y/n " ........" you were walking around the area exploring everything and having a bright smile on your face. Then you felt someone place their hands on your waist.

y/n " ahhh kawwney" you had turned around to see you friend kawwney standing there, he soon smirked at you. As he soon backed away from you and smiled.

kawwney " hello ma y/n I was waiting for your arrival"

y/n " well I'm help to me here it better then being at home right now" kawwney had become your friend many years ago when you both of you were small. He was not from the forest he was from reef clan the metkayaian, you had meet him when you were with your grandmother on trip and kawwney was with his mom. After that day the both of you had become the best of friends.

Kawwney " almsot there hold it like that ... okay now fire the spear" you soon fire the spear and soon hit the target as kawwney had cheered for you.

kawwney " good job you are doing a well job with using a spear and your breathing as well"

y/n " thank you"

kawwney “ what the matter”

y/n “ family problems once again” kawwney soon sighed he knew you didn’t have, a good relationship with your parents. He really didn't like your parents and clan for their treatment of you, and he really wished to do anything to make your life better.

Kawwney “ y/n you are perfect no matter what they have to say or do, they are blind fools for treating you like this”

Y/n “ thank you kawwney there are whispers going around that Jake will kick me out or true to marry to off not anyone who will take the offer”

kawwney “ I will take the offer or even he does kick you out if you leave come join my clan, out of all forest Navi we have seen we only likes a few … you make those names of people we like even my father likes you and wishes to have you stay with us”

y/n “ thank you kawwney you will make a great leader one day and bring pride to your clan and people”

kawweny “ thanks you and one day you will make a great tshiak and leader, as well maybe you can rule by my side as well”

kawwney “ here a gift my dear a necklace I made for you perfect for you, and it will symbolize our bond” you smile as kawwney as he place the necklace around your neck, kawwney soon pulled your closer to him not caring who saw them.

later at night

y/n " ......." you soon had arrived home after being gone all day with your friends having a fun time and practicing as well, you heard your family laughing and talking. Once she had stepped into the home everything had become silent as everyone looked at her.

Jake " it seems like you have decided to come home after all"

y/n " yes sir I was out doing some practice"

Jake " that seems like a bunch of lies young lady"

y/n " ........."

Jake " you know you will soon be an adult you will need to make, the right decision if you wish to have a place in the clan and family" you didn't say anything as you nodded your head.

neytiri " if you can't be a hunter then lets hope you can do something else for the clan and family, or maybe your father and brother can find you a good match to strengthen the family and clan" your siblings stay quite as they watched your parents speak to you.

Jake " y/n you can't stay act like a child for the rest of your life, soon you will have to grow up and become an adult and give up your childish for once and a while"

y/n " yes sir"

Jake " good now this conversation is over with I hope you will take I and your mother words to heart" you stayed silent you knew the day will come when your family will have to make the decisions, to allow you to stay in the family of to have you leave. You had taken some soon went to bed to stay out of your family happy moment together, you soon thought about the words Jake will say " sully stick together" and " that our family is a fortress". You soon scoffed at those words they were false words coming from a man that has failed to be father to his daughter. When the time will come you will make the decisions you want that will mean no longer being a sully, even if it mean parting some the life she had live for so many years but maybe it was time for some change in her life.

[erenjaegerwifee]

Summers In Pandora 🌸 Day 8 Corruption

Paring: Dilf!Jake x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Summery: Your best friend’s dad shows you what it feels like to touch yourself for the first time.

Warnings: MDNI 18+, fingering, kissing, corruption kink, infidelity.

Word Count: 1.9k

Index: kelku - home/house

Disclaimer: All my characters are aged-up! If that makes you uncomfortable please do not read or interact with my account or any of my posts. 

Main M.List | Event M.List

Your friend Kiri is your best friend in the entire world, you have never met a girl quite as unique and caring as her, and you love her extra fingers and toes. Kiri was one of the most trusted healers in the clan, you on the other hand were very reserved and shy, your parents kept a hold on you even after all these years. You are now 19 and still you do not go anywhere alone.  

Yours and the Sully family have been close ever since Jake Sully joined the clan years ago, you spent a lot of time with the children hence how you and Kiri are so close. The handful of people your parents trust you with sleep in the Sully house hold. Your parents often allow you to spend time, even nights at their house knowing someone they trust is with you.  

You have never had any friends outside the Sully siblings in your entire life because if someone approached you, someone is always with you to scare them away. They do not want anyone to ruin your innocence, they do not wish for anyone to hurt such a fragile girl. Now, the protectiveness everyone has is not for no reason, when you were born you were your parents miracle child. After you, your mother couldn’t conceive another child and it was hard enough for her to conceive you. 

Then when you were born, they thought you would lose you after you contracted an illness and got incredibly sick. The Sullys stuck with your parents the entire time and saw them through it so why wouldn't they trust them. Thank Eywa you recovered and grew into a very beautiful young woman.  

For a while now you have been sporting a crush on your clan’s leader and your best friend’s father, Jake Sully. He just made your heart race in ways you didn’t know possible so what other emotion could you feel for him besides love? You always felt strange when he would touch you even in the smallest ways, like if he helped you with your archery stance, or when he cut up fruit and feed it to you so you wouldn’t have to get your hands sticky, even at your big age of 21. 

You were not stupid, you understand that Jake is a mated man, you know he made the bond with his wife and that’s how he had children. You also know one day you will make the bond with someone and they will be your mate forever. Thought further than that, you have no idea. You know boys and girls have different private parts and only girls can have babies but you were under the impression only when you bond you get pregnant and your parents preferred it that way, because they know you would never bond without their permission.  

There was recent talk between your families that you and Lo’ak are meant to be a mated pair so your parents can stay close to you and you will mate with someone you trust. Lo’ak as am amazing young man, he is an exceptional tracker when it comes to hunting, mating him is not the worst thing in the world but your tummy doesn’t flutter the same way when he is around than when you are with Jake.  

You were meant to stay at the Sully household this weekend. Your parents and Neytiri are going hunting with Neteyam and Lo’ak. Jake volunteered to stay back with the girls while they went. The hunting trip was meant to last 3 days. You pack up your bag and you walk over to the Sully kelku and you say goodbye to your parents and settle yourself into Lo’ak’s room. You eat dinner with the family talking about their day and Tuk told you about the bracelet she made for her mother.  

Kiri and Tuk quickly retired to their room and Jake turned on a human movie on the big screen tv in their common area. He prided himself in having time to use it as Neytiri doesn’t like that it is there. He turned on a movie called The Proposal, he thought it might be a good innocent movie to watch with you and he ended up having to explain the entire movie to you as you both watched but he didn’t really mind, his kids never cared to watch movies with him so he enjoyed your company.  

When the boy and girl kissed in the scene in front of his entire family you gasped and covered your mouth, “They’re having a baby Jake, in front of everyone? Humans do that?” Now Jake knew your parents kept you on a tight leash but he had no idea you were this innocent. Jake glanced at you and saw you covering your eyes and he paused the movie. He double checked to make sure Kiri and Tuk’s room light was off so he knows they are asleep.  

“Babygirl, that’s not what happens when people make babies, that’s not how girls get pregnant.” he said in a low voice. You drop your hands and turn to face him, “Well I know na’vi have to make the bond first but they are kissing that is forbidden unless you are mated, that’s how na’vi get babies”  

“Ok I see your logic and to a point your right, but kissing is not all that happened when someone wants to make a baby.” you were confused, “So what happens?” you look at him with doe eyes. “Well after you make the bond, you and your mate will touch each other's private parts, you know, like you do by yourself, your mate will do it.” Jake tries not to think about what you might look like while you touch yourself but he couldn’t help but trail down your body with his eyes.  

“Touch myself? I supposed to touch myself? How?” your question but him in a tuff spot, should he drop the conversation? Or should he tell you? Maybe even show you. “When you are alone, you’ve never felt a little different down there and let your hand help you?”  

“I've felt different but I never knew what to do, happens almost every day, but I wasn’t sure I was allowed...” Jake squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a deep exhale, he can’t pass this up. “You know I take show you how to help yourself if you want? But you cannot tell anyone” you nod your head silently at him and wait for him to tell you what to do.  

“I won’t tell, show me” you look so innocent he almost rolled his eyes back; it’s been years since the last time he took someone’s virginity, his wife’s. Jake told you to relax and he pulled you closer to him, his beefy right arm wrapped around your waist and sat on your thigh, his large palm covered the entire space. His other hand came to hold yours as he asked again if you are sure you wanted to do this. When you nodded once more, he pulled you up on his lap, and spins you to face him. You straddle his legs and Jake turns the move back on for some background noise.  

You pay no mind to it as your attention is focused on Jake entirely. You’ve never been this close to him before; you can smell his musky forest scent. Jake asks your permission to take your clothes off and you allow him. His eyes dart back and forth from you to the doorway separating him from his children. Jake untied your top and your loincloths dropping them to the side next to you both. He takes in the sight of your body, so small and untouched, you look so beautiful. His hands run up your thighs to below your tits and back down.  

“Ok firstly you have to want me to do this, are you sure?” you roll your eyes at his words he keeps asking if you are okay with this when the truth was you wanted nothing more, “Yes Jake, wanna kiss like the movie” you said softly, you feel how your body was responding to his eyes on you, how your skin felt hot and you blushed. Jake took a deep breath before he pulled you close, his eyes dart to your lips and back to your open eyes, “Close your eyes girl, follow my lead” he said before he pressed his lips against yours.  

Your eyes flutter shut and your hands instinctively held onto his big shoulders, you let out a little hum when he pulled away from you, your folds were slick and without thinking you bring one of his hands to your cunt, “Is that normal?” you asked softly. 

Jake dropped his head on your shoulder and groaned, one little kiss soaked you, how has he never done this before? “Yea babygirl, that’s normal” his finger glided through your folds slowly and gently making sure not to hurt you, his index came up to find your clit moving small circles on your nub. You moan and wiggle in his grasp and his other hand came around your waist to hold you still on his lap. He switches his index for his thumb and brings his middle finger down to your clenching hole. Your eyes move between his arm moving back and forth between your legs and his face that now has a light blush, he looks so pretty. You lean in and give him another kiss on the check and when he looks at you, he pulls you in for a kiss on the lips.  

You moan into his mouth as his fingers work magic for you before he pulls away, he doesn’t stop his movements, only whispers against your lips, “I’m gonna do something ok? It might hurt a bit at first but after it will feel good, ok?” his voice was calm, he helped you feel your nerves in check when he slots his finger slowly into your cunt. Jake’s entire finger soaks in your pussy before he pulls out and starts pumping slowly, “You see what I’m doing babygirl? This is how you touch yourself, curl your cute fingers inside you like I’m doing, and it feels good right?’ his voice was so pleasing to hear.  

Jake had the perfect voice to coach you through your new discovery, you shut your eyes and bit your lip when he asked you to insert another finger, you nod your head quickly and the stretch is almost too much for you. Jake feels the way your clamp down on his fingers you’re so close already but you don’t even know that, he swears he’s about to cum in his loincloth from how fucking sweet you look right now.   

“J-jake, I feel weird, something is happening!” you squeal out in a low tone, his lips came down to kiss your neck making sure not to leave any marks as he does so, “You’re gonna feel even better baby, just let me keep going yea?” he whispers in your ear. “Y-yea, don’t stop!” your voice is pitched as you talk to him, he feels your body convulses when your clench on his fingers and gush on him. Your fluid drips down between your thighs leaking down his hand onto the floor.  

Jake slows his movements until he stops and pulled out of you admiring the string of cum connecting his two fingers. His hand was a mess, but you were an even bigger mess. Your body was swaying on his lap, your head dropped down on his shoulder as if you were falling asleep and you were, you have never felt so good in your life. You question yourself as you drift out of consciousness how you have never done this before but you come up with nothing besides you will definitely be asking Jake to do this for you again.  

🌸 I hope you all enjoyed reading! I feel like this was kind of rushed but I still enjoyed reading it. I thought about what it’ll be like when she mates with Lo’ak months from now and she’s fucking like she was pretending to be innocent all this time 🌸 Reblogs, comments and likes are always appreciated!

Taglist: 

@rivatar @delusionalwh6re @strongheartneteyam @xylianasblog @nilahsstuff @inlovewithpandora @neteyamsoare @m1tsu-ki @xrollingmyeyesx @goofygremlin123 @quicktosimp @its-jennarose @r11k4 @anonymuslydumb @winterhi09

[moonlits-ocean]

Long Way Home [Part VIII]

[Azriel x Reader fanfic]

Synopsis: Y/n is the daughter of a healer in the city of Velaris. After a small incident, she moves to the House of the Wind to work for the High Lord, Rhysand. Everyone in the house seems to welcome her except Azriel, the second in command. Even though he is just blankly polite and does not acknowledge her much, she can't help but fall for him. Does Azriel return her feelings or remain unfeelingly aloof?

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

Read Part 1 here. Read Part 7 here.

Read Part 2 here.

Read Part 3 here.

Read Part 4 here.

Read Part 5 here.

Read Part 6 here.

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

Part VIII

Since winter was settling in, there wasn't much work to do outside. My father had cast a powerful spell on the surrounding grounds to keep the water pipes from freezing, and the dead branches to always find their way to our wood stores. 

There was no work to do outside in the gardens, except harvest the fruit(if any) of the already existing plants and trees. 

It was the season of oranges and strawberries, though, and they had grown abundantly. I kept what I needed for myself, then windowed the rest to my father to sell in the market or make wine. He sent me the wine bottles which I stored in the basement underneath the villa. Father had dug it out for storing wine and made a cold storage partition for other items. 

When I was working outside, Azriel remained at a respectful distance and watched me. I had become used to it by now, and there were a couple of times where I had left some of the oranges and strawberries by the front door for him. 

It was my third round of harvesting oranges and I had put up a ladder against a tree, balancing on the rungs with a basket in one hand. I carefully plucked each fruit and deposited them in the basket. There was one fruit just out of my reach, and I leaned a bit further to try and grab it. Before I knew it, I had slipped off the rung and was tumbling on my way to ground. I didn't even have the time to scream, but Azriel intercepted just in time and scooped me up, gently landing on the ground. The ladder had fallen on its side with the basket, the fruits spilling out of it. 

"Careful," he breathed in my ear, and let me stand. 

In Cassian's arms, I had felt excitement rush through me and made my heart race. Like I was standing on a cliff and about to jump.

Azriel's arms held me like they wanted my body to understand that I was safe, and my body responded by making me feel like I was in a tranquil bliss. 

I quickly gathered the fruits, not acknowledging his presence. Leaving the ladder on its side, I entered the villa and closed the door shut. 

That night, as I sank into the hot bath, I laid my head on my forearms and watched him through the window. It was almost a month now, since he started hovering around. I didn't understand it. Why did he run away like that when we discovered we were mates, and why did he come now? 

I wanted to let him in and hear the answers from him, but not yet. I wasn't yet healed from the helplessness and humiliation I felt during the last meal we had together. 

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

Two days later, I was harvesting the remaining oranges from the first bloom. Winter rains were frequent around these parts, and I could see storm clouds gathering in the horizon. They predicted a thunderstorm later on. Azriel hadn't arrived yet, and I didn't want him to get caught in the storm. 

It began that night as I settled into bed. Azriel hadn't come at all, and it was good. The heavy rain lashed mercilessly against the windowpanes, and I fell asleep to the sound of it.

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

Tags:

@kalulakunundrum @thelov3lybookworm @hnyclover @impossibelle @sourapplex @brujitafantomatico @venuseuripedis @darling006

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

Read Part 9 here.

This fanfic can also be found in Wattpad, along with other exclusive parts like playlists and pictures. Here's the link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/358573037-long-way-home

Happy reading! <3

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

[I am overwhelmed with the amount of responses I've received for this fanfic. Thank you very much. This will be my last post of this year, as I have exams in my midst until January 7th, 2024. That's why I double posted today. A very happy new year y'all, and see you soon!]

[thatapologisttoyourantis]

If I start off something off with “another thing” or “one thing” just know I’m about to rant on here😂😂😩😩😭😭 & on that note…buckle up because this is a long one.

It absolutely baffles me that Feyre throughout ACOSF shows ZERO initiative or indication on wanting to know as much as she can about her baby/pregnancy, she’s a FIRST TIME MOTHER-TO-BE & this girl shows not a single ounce of “first-time-mom syndrome” Feyre’s lack of care towards her & her baby’s wellbeing whilst pregnant is to me absolutely diabolical & insane.

What I mean by this is at not one point has it ever been established that Feyre showed the initiative to get 2nd & maybe even 3rd opinions from different midwives/healers or even Illyrian mothers & find out information for herself about her son & her own health during pregnancy, I don’t know what wtf SJM was thinking making Feyre completely & utterly dependent on Rhysand relaying information or even Madja for that matter, it completely blows my mind that SJM’s thought process for Feyre throughout this whole ordeal was to make her so vulnerable that she shouldn’t even be aware that her own baby would likely kill her during the delivery.

I can 100% understand that Feyre wants to enjoy the pregnancy & be “in the moment” with the pregnancy experience but what I can’t grapple with is Feyre being so content & uncaring to find out all the information she can about having an Illyrian baby/baby with wings, like she was told directly by Madja that the delivery would be difficult & from that as far as we all know she made NO attempts to get as much info as she can to help herself & her son…as a first time mom…being that nonchalant?!!?!!! Like wtf?!!!

I can’t understand how she can be told the labour will be difficult & not do a damn thing herself to find ways to potentially make it easier such as finding out from others aka Lucien if he knows anything about shifting whilst pregnant, why the hell didnt Rhysand or any of the others think to go to Spring & ask Tamlin if he knows anything about risks of shifting during pregnancy since…you know shifting is HIS thing, they have no problem trespassing in Spring for secret meetings or going their to taunt an already depressed & suicidal Tamlin but when you actually need his help yet again they all suddenly get amnésia including Feyre?!!?!

To me Feyre’s inability to find things out for herself & relied on everyone else to find the information out & hope they relay it back truthfully (which in the end they did not) is not only careless but reckless too & just shows how much she wasn’t ready to be a mother, unless we end up getting a POV or flashback POV of Feyre’s thoughts surrounding her pregnancy then naturally I’ll change my stance on this situation.

Also Madja needs to NEVER & I mean NEVER be allowed to be a practicing healer EVER AGAIN!! That female is absolutely disgusting & diabolical too, she as a female making a choice for Feyre in not telling her she & her baby may die & by extension Rhysand of course, I don’t care if she was forbade by Rhysand what she did was absolutely disgusting, can you imagine how many other females in The Night Court have potentially lost their lives because Madja made a call that wasn’t hers to make on a mother & baby’s wellbeing.

And I will stand 10 toes down behind Nesta telling Feyre the birthing dangers but I don’t agree with how/the way it came out but I also understand why she in that moment she blurted it out to Feyre, it was a lose lose predicament to be in & had Feyre taken the initiative to find out more info on her pregnancy herself maybe she would have known about this already & maybe been prepared.

I really want to believe that Feyre was more involved in her own pregnancy & was showing some semblance of that first-time-mom syndrome but based off of everything we did get with ACOSF everything so far is saying she didn’t, which is just so sad that even at her most vulnerable SJM chose to make Feyre even more vulnerable by purposely having her mate/husband & family keep such a thing from her & not have her act like a mom-to-be

[neteyamslovrr]

heyhey its billie anon, i was thinking whether you could make an aonung fic based on her song "halley's comet" !! incase you havent heard it or since you dont listen to her anymore, here's an idea: reader is a metkayina and is betrothed to another random metkayina as she is one of the best healers of the clan and accidentally falls inlove with aonung, she knows it's wrong but she just cant help but cut off the betrothal infront of her parents and the other metkayina's family. ronal and tonowari hear ab this incident and 100% understand that love cannot be controlled by one (maybe from experience, ronal/tonowari maybe had a similar incident like reader) and reasons with reader's parents. you can write the rest if you want!! (also, i wld LIVE to see a small little epilogue if you could..?) (this was the lil idea i had!)

I NEED HIM NOT YOU

summary: betrothed to another you knew it was wrong to fall in love with ao'nung, but you can't help it because it feels so right.

───͙⊱••✩••̩̩͙⊰•───

Betrothed since infancy. A curse it was. To be spoken for before you could speak. It was a curse.

Iye, your promise. Iye, the innocent who longed for you. Iye, the man who you were chosen to be with. Ao’nung, the chief’s son who kissed you goodnight daily. Ao’nung, the lover who you longed for. Ao’nung the man you were destined to be with.

His kisses were addicting, his touches were exhilarating, his words were mesmerizing. His love was wrong. Your love was wrong. So why did it feel so right. When his hands trail down your body, when he recites his love to you, when he brings you small gifts. It felt so right.

“I have dinner with Iye tonight.” His name was like fire to your tongue. It spread and destroyed everything it touched. “My parents want to plan our ceremony, soon.”

Ao’nung had you enclosed in his arms as you laid in a cave far away from the village. A peaceful place to enjoy the serenity. The mention of that man’s name made his hold on you tighten. It had been known you were betrothed, promised, that you were untouchable but that didn’t stop the flutters in his heart when he saw your beauty, when he heard your laugh.

“I am going to call it off.” Ao’nung’s eyes widened, were you about to be his?

“You’ll get in so much trouble flower.”

“I don’t care. I can’t keep laying in your arms every day knowing one day I will have to wake up in the arms of another.”

“Has something happened? This is something reckless I would do, not you.” You chuckled before letting out a sigh indicating something indeed did happen.

“Iye’s mother and my mother were talking. About grandchildren. It repulsed me.” Ao’nung felt repulsed too. The thought of you bearing children that weren’t his. It was his nightmare.

“Fair enough.” His deep chuckle rumbled as you felt the vibrations of his chest on your back. “I just don’t want you to get in trouble. That’s my thing.”

“I could never top you my troublesome mate.” Ao’nung squeezed you tightly kissing the top of your head.

“We should go now…” Ao’nung nodded as you both called your ilu’s.

“Can you promise me something Y/N?”

“What is it?”

“The next time we come here, you’ll truly be mine.”

“I promise.”

Ao’nung promised to wait for you in his marui until the dinner was over. You just hoped this wasn’t going to be a shitshow.

_

The dinner was awkward. Two families connected by one who accepted their fate and one who longed for another.

Sounds of chewing and knives chopping was the only thing breaking the awkward tension in the room. More so between you and Iye. “Our ceremony will be soon.” Iye tried to break the tension, his shaky voice filling the room. “Mother is planning it, are you excited?.”

“No.” Everyone snapped their head towards to you, disproval dripping off your parents face.

“That’s a very crass joke Y/N.” Iye’s mother chimed in, her high-pitch voice trying to cover up the shock of your behaviour.

“I’m not joking.”

“Y/N! Watch your words.” Your mother had finally spoken. Her tone sharp and her glare sharper.

You mouthed a ‘sorry’ to Iye before you let out a heavy sigh. “I cannot mate with Iye.”

“What. What do you mean?” Your mother spluttered in confusion as everyone else in the room shared concerned looks to each other.

“I love another. I cannot mate with Iye, he is not who I want.” Your voice was firm as your fidgeted with your fingers. Heart beating in your throat as nausea swirled in your stomach.

“Who.” Iye’s mother had now spoken. Eywa, this was harder than you thought it would be. Gulping harshly, you closed your eyes. This would’ve been way easier with Ao’nung by your side.

“I am in love with Ao’nung. He loves me too.” Your mother let out an exasperated gasp as she hit her hands on her thighs standing up.

“This union has been planned for years Y/N! Why have you ditched this union between our two families for the reckless son of the chief? He will get bored of you! He is not Olo’eyktan he is a mere kid.”

“Do not disrespect him in front of me. Keep that to your gossip sessions.” You started to grow hot, fire burning in the pits of your rage. “This union means nothing! It is nothing! I refuse it.”

“I cannot believe this. How long has this been going on? How long have you stayed disloyal to my son?” You rolled your eyes at Iye’s mother.

“I have been in love with Ao’nung for years. He has been with me for every part of my life. And I will be his mate. If you do not agree with that, than you can disagree with your future Olo’eyktan’s choice in Tsa’hik.”

Your mother’s fists were balled as she continued to heave. “Go. Do not come back until you have cleared your mind of that boy. I do not allow it.”

“I don’t give a shit.” You screamed before storming out of your pod.

You should’ve figured that Ao’nung would have been waiting outside. You should’ve known that he wouldn’t stay still waiting while your advocated for your relationship.

“Well! that sounds like it went well.” Ao’nung gave you a small smile before embracing you. “You did so well my flower.”

“That sucked.” You mumbled into his shoulder, you didn’t want to cry but you felt the tears in your eyes starting to build up.

“It sounded like it did. My parents even heard. You yell quite loud.” You broke from his grasp holding onto his biceps.

“Your parents heard?! Ao’nung! Are you in trouble?” You were shocked, you hadn’t even thought about his parents finding out yet.

“I’m not sure. My mother said and I quote. “She is brave, go be brave with her you skxwang.”” You stared at him confused. Did Ronal really say that? “I try not to be confused. I am too happy as you are mine now.”

“I have always been yours Ao’nung. Haven’t I?”

“You have my flower.” He leaned in and gave you a tender kiss. “But let us do one more thing and you will be mine forever.” Your eyes widened as you nodded.

“It has taken us long enough.”

_

Epilogue

It had been a year since you and Ao’nung had officially mated. Though it took awhile for your parents to come around they figured they were being too pushy and shouldn’t have forced you to mate with anyone. (They were mostly happy you had fallen in love with the next chief.)

The small cave was still your favourite place. Not because it was secluded or away from other. But it was yours. A special place between the two, a place were a love that felt so wrong blossomed into something so right.

“Flower?” Ao’nung asked as you lifted your head from the comfortable place on his chest.

“Yeah?”

“Did you ever have dreams of us together? I always did.”

“I did constantly, I hated them.” Ao’nung’s face knotted in confusion.

“Why’s that?”

“Because in every dream I had to wake up to sneaking away to you instead of being with you proudly.” You smiled up at him leaving a soft kiss on his bare chest.

“I see. How about your dreams now.” Ao’nung’s rough hand caressed your face, his powerful gaze sending shivers through you.

“I am living in one.”

───͙⊱••✩••̩̩͙⊰•───

a/n: this could be better but i've been hating everything i write. sorry billie anon if this isn't what you thought but u have put me back onto billie

[autumnslance]

In reference to this post I reblogged earlier, but don't want to muck up UC's activity:

#i think it's more important to see that redemption is in the eye of the beholder #not everybody (characters or real people) will accept the same type or amount of repentance for the same sins #some people might not care at all if the person who wronged them feels sorry; only if they materially repaid their crimes #others can feel the opposite #and either way that's their prerogative #you can disagree with the characters or the fans or the writers about who “deserves” OR has “achieved” redemption and that's okay #because it's ultimately a complex philosophical issue #like i agree with OP!!! but there's media literacy in accepting that not everyone will

I'm going to disagree with many of these tags, especially it being "in the eye of the beholder" and would argue it's more media literate to recognize when a character has a workable redemption arc even if one disagrees they "should" get one. It took me a long time to learn this cuz of how we're usually taught redemption = forgiveness in Western (especially very Christianized, and especially if explicitly raised Christian) culture:

It doesn't rely on anyone but the person seeking redemption.

Yeah, it's the wronged party's prerogative to never forgive, to think the perpetrator's atonement (and/or punishment) is not enough and never will be. Anyone (characters and actual people) who sympathize, and who are on their side, can agree it's not ever enough and that character/person's sins are unforgivable.

And that still doesn't matter to their redemption.

We have an example of a workable redemption arc that not all accept in Final Fantasy XIV with Fordola's situation, through the Endwalker healer role quests. She was raised a collaborator of Ala Mhigo's imperial occupiers, and thought the best way to help her people was to soldier for the empire, becoming their Butcher.

In the Stormblood patches, Raganfrid says he will never forgive her; he thanks her for the aid she gave in the throne room that day, but that's all. And even in the EW healer role quests, their interactions are complicated. He still can't forgive the collaborators, even as he works to reintegrate them into Ala Mhigan society. He recognizes many thought they had no choice. He can't, won't, forget the pain of losing his own loved ones to them. This is stated multiple times.

And others, like M'rahz, Sarisha, and M'naago also struggle, also say they won't forgive...but reluctantly agree they can understand how for the sake of their families, the collaborators felt pushed against a wall, and what lengths have they themselves gone to for their own families? M'naago even scolds Fordola: she doesn't get to give up, she has to keep working--or she dies as exactly what everyone said she was.

Fordola starts out as the one punished for her sins. Through the story, she makes her choices to change and fight and work for her people as a free woman. There are still those who despise the Butcher, and always will. Redemption comes from Fordola's actions, Fordola's choices. Who forgives her and who doesn't can't change that she has changed, and continues to do so.

And in the interest of fairness, for the opposite of Fordola, we have Laurentius. In A Realm Reborn, he collaborated with the empire, selling out his nation. He came out of his punishment wanting a new chance, so joined the Crystal Braves...and immediately fell under Ilberd's sway. While others remained loyal and stuck to their morals (and paid for it with imprisonment or even death), Laurentius went along with all of Ilberd's plans. And in the end, the player gets an opinion in the punishment he and his comrade face, but it's clear from talking to Raubahn there isn't much hope. Laurentius had his chances, but he didn't make any effort to actually change--so faced the consequences.

For Reference for the Healer Role Quests: Garland Tools Healer quest text starting with "Far From Free", and my own saved text in Gdocs (raw, not very organized compared to my later saved/updated docs).

(Nero's the war criminal who...didn't even get a slap on the wrist, he just waltzed into a leadership meeting 15 mins late with Starbucks and has been helping us save the world since. Gaius is the war criminal that went through traumas, saw his privileged preconceptions torn apart, and is starting down that road in the wake of Werlyt to clean up his mistakes and not let his children's sacrifices be in vain. None of these characters "need" punishment to decide to change; some of it simply happens as part of their stories, but they make their own choices and actions toward atonement.)

(Also redemption is usually an ongoing process, which is why "Death Equals Redemption", like how Yotusyu's situation is framed, is so dicey and often unsatisfying; are they actually changed, or they just getting out of putting in that effort to? Nothing indicated Yotsuyu actually cared to change, as sympathetic as she was in the end! But she has her redemptive moment for her fans, and the people who hate/won't forgive her also "win"--the trope is a "have your cake and eat it too" writing cop-out IMO at this point.)

[ash-says]

Saviour Complex Fever:

Let's address the saviour Complex today and no I am not talking here only in the romantic sense but also in platonic, familial,etc ways.

Ohh my traumatized girlies you better get your attention piqued up here cause this can be a call out or triggering post.

Speaking in my corporate babe language I am going to adopt both top to bottom and bottom to top approach to make sure you understand the problem. So without circumventing much I am going in for the goal.

1) Top to bottom Approach:

Starting with the OG," I can fix them" attitude.

Calm down babe, you can't. How about first fixing your sleep schedule for the starters?

We usually see this attitude being discussed a lot in the romantic hemisphere but I profoundly believe it plays a pivotal role in other bonds we have with people and tend to bleed into our romantic life so on and so forth.

Example: Take a child who is five years old and the parents are irresponsible. The child learns early on not only to look after itself but also acts as a therapist to his parents if one of them has zero sense of emotional boundaries and tends to trauma dump on the child. The child will look for ways in which he/she can make things easier and happier for the parent. In a way try to fix the parent and take on the role of being an adult.

How does it affect the bonds you create as an adult?

You become the mom friend.

The mama duck of the group who is always making sure everyone is taken care of properly.

You go above and beyond your comfort to help your friends out.

Take responsibility for your immediate surroundings.

Always trying to be the best and act like a saviour.

Last but not the least, people violate your boundaries time and time again but you forgive them and treat them like a child despite them being functioning adults.

So your homework is to assess your friendships, familial relationships, romantic relationships and check whether you are babysitting a adult?

If yes, are you getting paid for it enough?

No, drop the role.

2) Bottom to Top Approach:

Even the saviour dreams of being saved at times.

One of the potent reasons we tend to pick on the saviour role is because deep down we want to be saved. Salvation is what we desire.

Someone to lean on. A rock solid support. To lower our guards and be present without a worry.

Then we are faced with the harsh realities and realise it's not as simple as we think it is.

Therefore, whenever we see someone in need our instinct activates and we automatically start babysitting. We fill the void by embodying the persona that we deeply crave in our life.

It's the Chiron in us. We take on the role of the wounded healer.

That's where you need to remind yourself you don't need an external person or support to protect you. Many times we are sold this idea that we are fixed by someone else.

It's your job to fix your own house. Not your neighbours.

Your body, your mental health is where your spirit lives. Others can aid you but at the end of the day you won't be trusting your house to a total stranger. It's you who takes control and dictates the course of it.

So kill this idea that someone out there is going to walk into your life and then everything will be rainbows and roses.

Fine, if you believe life is a Disney movie you can go ahead and kiss a couple of frogs to find your prince charming. Your life, your rules.

But don't be surprised if you catch a disease or two while kissing the frogs .

After all, I always say:

There are no fucking saviours in real life. You are your own saviour, darling.

And if you do want to be a mother badly there are plenty of orphaned kids out there you can spend some time with them rather than those ungrateful, therapy inducing, namesake adults.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Safe haven

requested: Can you please write a story where the reader has a panic attack and Azriel/Cassian/Rhys (whoever you prefer) helps her. 🤗

warning: panic attacks and anxiety

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Today was simply not your day. Ever since you woke up, you've had a feeling that today was going to require more energy than a normal day usually does. It wasn't only because you had slipped and almost banged your head on the toilet when you entered your bathroom, no. It was also the lingering sense of uneasiness. The day ahead wasn't something to write home about either. You had a couple of meetings regarding the clinics in the city. Then there would be some errands to run in the town, and if everything would go according to the plan you made, you would be able to make it in time for dinner with everyone.

Just fate took one look at your plans and had a solid laugh. Meetings were not only late, but the number of disagreements left your head pounding after just a few minutes. You tried your best to keep everyone happy and calm, but the last meeting ended with healers slamming doors and you with your head between your hands. Yet you tried not to let this dampen your mood too much. Still hoping that a stroll through the city would help you clear your mind, think more evidently. After all, you were going to meet up with the seamstress who was making a dress for you. The dress that you wanted specifically made for Azriel's birthday. Maybe it was silly considering that you two weren't dating and you weren't even sure if he felt anything for you at all. But it was his birthday, and you'd known him for so long, why not make an effort?

But even that had gone into shambles since the moment you stepped into the store, which was surprisingly packed with people, you were told that your appointment had been canceled. The material you ordered just for this had been sold to someone who offered triple the price. She offered you a discount on your dress and some new fabrics to choose from, but it just wasn't the same. It wasn't the same color of blue, and the fabric didn't feel flowy; it felt heavy and unpleasant to touch.

Then everything came crashing down on you. The place felt way too stuffy and so hot that you felt beads of sweat forming on your forehead. The sounds were so loud that you had to frown as you tried to understand everything the seamstress said. And the fact that there was no way you would get your dress now, especially not in time for Azriel's birthday, made your bottom lip tremble slightly. You would have stood there frozen if not for someone bumping into you in a hurry. You had to get rid of that feeling, so you turned around and walked right out of the shop. Not caring much that the lady was calling your name.

You needed to get out. Get some fresh air in your lungs. Just something, anything to make your brain stop for a little. But with every step you took, your vision got hazier, and your palms sweatier as you couldn't stop rubbing them together. Home. Now you just want to go home. You made a beeline for it. Rushing as fast as your legs allow you to, bump into strangers on your way. Running into puddles that had soaked your shoes and the bottom of your dress.

The moment the house came into sight, you were feeling slightly better. The cold breeze kissing your skin both grounded you and cooled the warmth that surrounded you. Your heart was still pounding, but you brushed it off, thinking that it was more from the running than anything else. At the very least, you'd be in a familiar environment soon. You'll pick yourself up. A moment alone. Being completely alone was what you needed.

You rushed through the door, hoping to not attract any attention, but considering how lucky today had been, you weren't surprised when you heard Rhys calling for you. You would have ignored it. Brushed it off and pretended that you didn't hear him, but you knew that Rhys had most definitely seen you, especially now that you were lingering by the door.

So you made your way into the sitting room. Swallowing thickly as you took breath after breath, right before you rounded the corner and pasted the best smile on your face you could manage to pull off. Rhys wasn't alone; that wasn't something unusual. Cassian was by his side, smiling as usual. It was the moment Azriel came into sight that you almost crumbled, but you turned your gaze from him quickly.

"You fancy a drink with us?", the high lord asked, already holding up an empty glass in his hand. "No thank you. I was just...", you muttered quickly, even if you were trying not to sound hurried as you pointed to the stairs. "Oh, sit with us, it's been a while," Cassian said, patting the seat next to him and wiggling his brows. It was true that you all loved spending time together. It was something you had done for as long as you could remember. Considering that you were the first to join the inner circle besides the three of them, but you just couldn't right now. You wouldn't be able to sit through this.

"I just would love to...", your hands were pressed into fists behind your back as you fidgeted in your place. "How did the meetings for the clinics go? You wowed them?", "Rhys, no work talk when drinks are out", Cassian quickly shushed his high lord but a cold shiver ran down your back and every memory from today came rushing back. You took a deep breath before your hand touched your chest. That same feeling from earlier coursed through you. You needed to get out. And you needed to do that now. So ignoring the confused looks, you turned around before rushing towards the stairs. You heard both Rhys and Cassian calling out for you, but just like earlier, you didn't stop. Didn't care. You didn't want to hear it.

You only made it up the stairs when you started losing the air in your lungs. It felt like someone had built a wall that limited your oxygen intake. A wave of coldness rushed through you. Like little needles poking your skin. But then the cold turned into burning heat. Then that turned into coldness again, and now you had no understanding of what you were feeling. You frantically moved your hand to your neck, pulling at the skin as if you might make a path for at least some air to come through.

Azriel knew that something was wrong the moment his shadows informed him that you had come home. Your body language and the slightly paler skin only add to it. He hoped to smile at you. To catch your eyes and maybe grasp what was happening. But you barely turned your attention the spymaster's way. Azriel couldn't help but frown slightly as he watched you squirming in your place. What had happened? Who had caused you so much distress?

The moment you ran off, Azriel was up on his feet in an instant. He would have left you alone. And maybe he was just imagining that something was seriously wrong but it's like his feet walked of their own free will. He brushed the other two males away as he darted after you. The sight in front of him made him heartbroken. You shook and gripped your neck as you leaned against the wall, face stained with tears.

You felt the warmth of someone's touch before you heard their voice. Your vision was so blurry that you could only make out a silhouette that stood in front of you. "Sweetheart, hey, look at me, look at me", the firm hands came in contact with the skin on your face cupping it softly. You just shook your head, not sure of what to do. You felt like you were going to choke. Azriel's mind was racing as he watched you struggle against his touch. "Love, you need to try to breathe," scrambling for your hand. Azriel quickly placed it on his chest before returning his attention to you. "Can you hear me? Can you show me that you can hear me?", asked the spymaster, trying to keep his heartbeat steady as he waited for any response from you. 

After yet another choked-out breath, you nodded your head just slightly. Azriel mimicked the motion as well as he continued, "Focus your mind on the movement of my chest." With a deep breath in his lungs welcoming the air, his chest rose, and your hand moved up with it. "Try to breathe in the same pattern, love, just like that." Even if you only managed to get a couple of broken inhales in, it felt like the biggest achievement to Azriel.

"I... can't...," you whimpered, but Azriel only moved one of his hands to the back of your head, slowly bringing you closer so that your forehead would rest on his. The space between you vanishes into nothingness. And now, beside his heart, you also felt the calm pattern of his breath tickling your skin. "Yes, you can. You're already doing it; give me a few more breaths," the shadow singer urged, gently swaying you from side to side.

So you did just as he told you. Trying to breathe even through the sharp stings in your chest, you kept your eyes closed as you let your mind slowly fill with the drumming of Azriel's heart. With both hands on his chest now, you could feel and almost hear the pattern of his heartbeat.

"Good job, sweet girl, good job," one of his hands moved to run up and down your back once your breathing returned to normal, and Azriel's fear of you passing out faded. "Can you tell me three things you can touch now?", the spymaster knew that panic like this had a tendency to return at the speed of light. So he had to ensure that you were fully grounded. "Whenever you are ready you can tell me", "I...", you breathed but your voice broke as if you had forgotten how to form sentences, "The wall, my-my dress, you", swallowing harshly you braced yourself even more onto Azriel, the spymaster hummed to your answers. 

"What about things you can hear?", you frowned your eyebrows. The sounds were still somewhat cloudy, but you tried to discern at least something. "Your voice and heart", muttering quietly you turned your head to the side, "Someone's pushing something downstairs", "That's probably Cassian in his interior designer era". The corner of your lip curled up ever so slightly, and Azriel found himself smiling as well.

"And can you see anything?", now Azriel knew this was asking for a lot. Your eyes had been closed tightly ever since he found you here. But if he could get you to let go of that final bit of tension in your body, maybe... Your eyes opened slowly and were met with Azriel's face. His amber eyes looking right at you. "You. I can see you", you didn't even realize that your body had eased up till now. And only now did the thought of him standing right in front of you hit you, "Here are my favorite eyes; I'm happy to see them again," he whispered, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

The tears came without warning, and you only managed to choke up a sob. Azriel quickly pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you as you hiccup. "I'm so sorry," you screeched, "You must think I'm a weirdo now." But Azriel only smiled at you fondly, "I would never think such things, sweetie; you are far away from a weirdo. If there's a weirdo here, it's me," he remarked casually. You wrapped your arms around his torso, burying your face into his toned chest. The smell of him welcomed another wave of calmness.

"Do you want to tell me what got you so worked up, huh?", Azriel questioned after a while, pulling away from you ever so slightly. Just enough so he could see your face and wipe the last tears off your cheeks. You debated about it for a moment. But it was Azriel. Azriel, who had known you for the majority of your life, a male you had an awfully big crush on. So you caved in. Blaring out everything about the complicated meetings and only stopping before you started telling him about the dress and his birthday.

"You know that I don't care what you wear, you look amazing regardless", a breath caught in your chest once again at the words Azriel had spoken. "But it's yours... And I just wanted to... And I love ...", Azriel put his finger on your lips shushing you softly before he mumbled, "I love you too". 

You gaped at him, cheeks going pink, and you knew there was no way you could hide it. "I didn't say that," you muttered, "But I did. For both of us. I've loved you for quite some time", you couldn't help a smile that painted your lips as you once again leaned against Azriel's chest. "Now come on let me get you to bed you need to rest", scooping you up in his arms Azriel moved to walk through the corridor, "Will you come with me?", "There's no other option, love".

[arinbelle]

So I saw a Nesta anti say they want a normal civil convo on why we like Nesta because they just don’t see it. I can respect someone trying to see a different POV so I wrote an extremely long essay on it and I think since my tags aren’t working I wanted to share this. For context, person said that Nesta is abusive and they have provided textual evidence. They also said Nesta excuses her actions because of her mental health. So they wanted to see what we see different because that is all they see. I thought I’d share this ridiculously long exposition I wrote out, since this is the most writing I’ve done in months.

Addition: I saw this creator say they understand why Nesta lashes out and acts so harmfully but their issues is the stans who excuse her actions. I do see Nesta stans who ignore some of the “bad” things she’s done but that’s really not the majority. Also if your issue is the fandom and not the character itself, idk if you’re really an anti. I hate Rhys stans, I’m not really anti Rhys. I dislike some of his actions but I more so hate his fans. It’s not the same thing.

My reply:

I think there's a lot to unpack here but I'll try my best to explain. I've seen your posts before where you bring evidence of Nesta's abuse on Feyre. And I'll give it to you. Yes. That is abuse. It's verbal abuse, it's mental or emotional abuse, and yes it's wrong. All of it is actually textbook, and yes, lots of Nesta stans like to say it's not because they are siblings but yes, unfortunately, abuse is abuse. (Addition: no one is saying verbal or mental abuse isn’t as impactful or dangerous as physical. It is. Studies have shown verbal abuse can at times register as physical pain and abuse to victims. And yes, Nesta was abusive to Feyre growing up. But my key word is WAS).

That being said, I have never thought Nesta gives her mental health as an excuse for her actions or words. If anything, she is completely closed off about what her own upbringing and traumas were like until we were well into acosf. If you can move on from the first few chapters of acotar, you can see that deep down Nesta loves Feyre and even her father.

It is Nesta who goes after Feyre and tries to get across the wall. It is Nesta who tells Feyre it is okay to go back to her life with Tamlin- and she tells her, don't come back, not in "we hate you" way, but in a, you've taken care of us, you've shouldered this burden, and I'm telling you it's okay and letting you go. It is Nesta and Elain who are turned Fae against their will, and you know, it is unfortunately Feyre's fault. Was that the goal? No. But you can understand some bitterness on Nesta's part. Even so, with all the trauma she went through in the Cauldron, she sees the importance of speaking to the High Lords about what is coming with Hybern and she does. She has a sense of morality and inner self, and she doesn't want to act like a coward even though she admits to everyone she is afraid. It is Nesta who helps in the war anyway that she can with the healers and the scrying, even though her entire life has just been upended and again, this is so scary to her. Everything about this new life is scary to her but she is trying.

Then her father dies and what little progress she had sort of reverses significantly and quickly. I will argue that Nesta has not at all been abusive to anyone past Feyre's childhood and the few first chapters of Acotar. Being mean to people who invade your personal space (Mor, Cassian) every once in a while is not abusive. It's just being a bitch. And honestly, everyone in acotar for the most part has had their bitchy moments.

She never excuses her actions and words. In fact, she KNOWS what she's doing. She's well aware of the hurt she's caused in the past and what her regrets are with her family and it tears her up inside, which is why she so rarely addresses it to herself and definitely not to others.

Why we love her? I think she's so different from all the other characters in acotar because she is so jagged. Because she admits that she's broken and sad and lost and she refuses to make it nice for everyone else's sake. That doesn't mean she keeps punishing people around her even though I've seen many antis say she does. Nesta moves away from Feyre and the IC when she's spiraling and the only times we get references of her being mean is when she's forced to meet them and play nice. Think of it this way- your dad is dead, you're grieving, you haven't had the 500 years plus of experience to navigate this in a healthy way, and people are constantly in your face either trying to get you to play nice or judging you foe it. Many antis love Rhys's quote on how Elain is nice or how Mor is so nice even though she's been through so much. But the reality is this, hurt people are HURT. They are not happy. It's not a realistic expectation for a person going through a major depressive episode to put on a facade to make everyone else feel good about themselves. It's not even in any selfish way, their mind is literally incapable of doing it because they are stuck in grief or numbness.

I think a lot of her stans, myself included love her because we see ourselves in her. Saying the wrong thing and then regretting it afterwards. Being stuck in our own minds and constantly being sad and anxious about everything and having nowhere to turn. Keep in mind that when Feyre was depressed, Rhys constantly tried to help. When Nesta was depressed, Feyre even admits rather than stepping in and doing something about it, she let it go on because she thought it would be fine. Everyone did. Cassian did that, Elain did that, even Amren somewhat. And maybe it would have been but we see it wasn't. I'm not going to argue about how wrong the entire "rehab" bit was, because that's not the point here.

In acosf we see Nesta deal with her inner demons. She reflects on her mother, who we can tell was somewhat emotionally abusive and definitely manipulative. Her grandmother was physically and verbally abusive. We hear her self doubt and we hear her tell Cassian she regrets what she did growing up in that cabin, she regrets how she treated Feyre, and she has no idea how to make it better. It is so much self hatred and it has morphed into something that forces her to lash out on people when they even slightly push. It's not healthy, but again, it's not abusive. Another issue is that besides Feyre and Cassian and Azriel, everyone else around her is NOT helping the situation. You can have your favs too but the fact is, Rhys constantly provokes and goads her. He has a grudge against Nesta and he has in writing admitted that he holds her to a higher standard than Elain. Mor tells her she wants to throw her into the Hewn City, a place known for brutalizing and abusing women. Amren calls her pathetic and a waste of space. This is a woman who is extremely depressed and on the verge of suicidal. None of these taunts and behaviors is kind and it probably does even more damage but we never hear anyone talk about that unless we bring it up in Nesta's defense.

I think there is another thing to account for. Feyre wants Nesta in her life. It is very different if Feyre said, you know what, I resent everything you did to me and I don't want you in my life. And I'll admit it, Feyre would be valid to do that. But she doesn't! That's a key fact. Feyre wants Nesta in her life, she wants this relationship intact. And by doing so, that means accepting that there will be days when Nesta will not be her best self, when she will lash out and say mean things in retaliation. It would be a very different story if Feyre went no contact. But it's not. And to be so hateful towards Nesta never really made sense to me since Feyre herself is her biggest advocate.

It is FEYRE, who stands by her sister when anyone tears her down. It is Feyre who tells Rhys off everytime he makes a snide comment and that's often. It is Feyre who explains to Cassian that she knows how much Nesta cares and how difficult it is for her to show her true feelings (this is Feyre giving not an excuse but an explanation for Nesta's behavior, something Nesta doesn't bother to do.) Feyre defends Nesta more than Nesta does for herself, because Nesta never does. I'd argue that Feyre loves Nesta more than Nesta loves herself. And even by the end of acosf it's not clear if Nesta has a good and healthy self love for herself but she most definitely loves Feyre very much.

One random thing that I see antis love to run with- Nesta didn't teach Feyre how to read. Nesta didn't know. She says that to Feyre, she's very surprised to learn this, and it's in writing. Now Feyre does say she didn't think Nesta would teach her, which also hurts but also surprises Nesta. Because she says no, we would have taught you why didn't you tell us. Because Nesta has not seen the damage she has done to Feyre with her words until they have these moments and talks. To Nesta, she was lashing out because she was so angry at their father for not doing more to keep them alive. And to be clear it did fall more on their father than any of the children. But I do believe that had Nesta realized how truly hurtful and damaging her words were to Feyre, she would have stopped. Each time Feyre admits something that affects her about Nesta's actions, Nesta mulls it over and is shocked. It shows compassion and objectivity towards herself. She sees an error in her ways and she tries her best to correct it.

Now onto the controversial reveal on Feyre's pregnancy. First things first, Rhys has no excuse to lie the way he did. None. And in our modern world, that is indeed considered spousal abuse. Now as to why Nesta said it- yeah, she does it for the wrong reasons. We hear it in her POV. She is so angry at Amren, she is so angry at everyone for lying to her and sitting around discussing her and then saying that she needs to be the respectful one. But, and this is so important, the minute she says it she instantly regrets it. She KNOWS she's fucked up. She hates that Feyre is crying and hurt and it's because of her. A truly abusive sister who's as cruel and heartless as everyone makes her out to be would have relished in the hurt she caused. But she doesn't. She just hates herself even more for what happened. And the fact that Rhys's threat doesn't even upset her, the fact that she is just so done and ready to die on that hike should tell you this is not someone who enjoys hurting anyone. Everything is aimed at hurting herself.

Antis like to say that Nesta saving Feyre and Nyx was the bare minimum. And sure. Yes. It is. But that's not the point. The point of that entire scene and end is that Nesta took from the Cauldron in anger and hate and vengeance for what was done to her. She stole it as a big fuck you to the Cauldron and everything else that forced her to turn Fae. And she fears that power and never touches it, never wants to actually use it, because she hates it. And yet, when Feyre is dying, Nesta is willing to do anything. She will use the power she fears to try and save her and most importantly, she willingly gives it back and says she will give it all back as long as Feyre is safe. The very thing she took out of anger and retribution, she will let that go. She will let it all go as long as she can keep Feyre alive. Is that not love? Is it not growth and healing?

I think one of the issues with SJM as a writer is sometimes she shows instead of telling. You need to do a lot of reading between the lines sometimes to understand her characters. Nesta especially because she is very much so an actions over words person and shes so rarely upfront with how she's feeling. And not just Nesta, we see this issue with Cassian too. Because they both do things to represent and signify love and honor and sacrifice yet their words can be jagged and mean and give off a different impression.

Just to reiterate, there's never been a time that Nesta has actively used her poor mental health to excuse and justify her words or actions. In fact, more often than not we hear more about how angry and hateful she is towards herself and how much she regrets her past. A true villain would offer excuses and justify what they've done. The most we ever get with Nesta is an explanation regarding her upbringing and trauma, and to clear it up, an explanation is not an excuse. Nesta never excuses her actions. When she's being honest with herself and her feelings she admits her errors, she admits to her shame, and she says she wants to do better and be better.

Another thing I think is important to remember is that SJM herself sees Nesta as a strong impactful character. She herself said in an interview, no, you aren't supposed to hate Nesta and she's quite surprised people do because after she re-evaluated her own writing during acotar, she realized Nesta is not the villain in this story. She's a hurt girl who's been through some horrible things and her life experiences have then impacted how she acts and reacts. SJM said sees herself in Nesta. She has denounced Tamlin as an abuser many times and would never put forward a main character with this much impact on the plot of this book and the Crescent City series if she thought otherwise.

This was super long but I'm happy you've tried to see it from another POV. I won't be getting into arguments with people who DM me or message unkindly on this post simply because I don't care. Acosf came out years ago and I'm no longer in the mood to engage with anyone who won't try and keep things civil in a conversation about fictional characters.

Have a good day!

[annab99awritersdream]

TOLKIEN OC WEEK 2024-DAY 2

Prompt: Canon character & original character relationship

Title: A Father's Love

Synopsis: Eönwë and his stepson have a chat before bed (FLASHBACK)

!MAJOR SPOILERS FOR MY MAIN WIP THE LADY OF ITHILIEN !

(link in general masterlist)

Words: 6,841 (AO3 Word count)

(Also posted on AO3!)

GLOSSARY (VALARIN)

Söz mü?: promise?

Babacığım: my dear dad; daddy

Ne olur: please

Hayır: no

Oğlum...öldü: my son...is dead

The meaning of all the other "foreign" words is explained within the story.

A Father's Love

A chest cold.

The child had suffered a chest cold, but the healers had told him he was on the mend. Eönwë himself had felt it, he was recovering. The persistent cough that had plagued him for weeks had finally abated and he was no longer feverish. He had lamented a mild headache and Eönwë had tucked him into bed. Anárion had smiled at him, begging for a nighttime story.

No one tells them like you do.

Eönwë had pressed his lips against the boy’s forehead before recounting a story about the earliest days of Arda. Anárion had listened to him intently, interrupting him every once in a while, to ask questions. By the end of the tale, he had found it hard to keep his eyes open and had released a loud yawn which had made Eönwë jolt in surprise.

Sorry…

Eönwë had run a hand through the boy’s hair.

There is no need for you to apologize, he had said to him, cupping his face.

Did I scare you?

The Maia had giggled.

I am petrified.

Anárion had briefly lowered his gaze.

You’re not afraid. You’re never scared. I want to be like you.

You should be yourself and be proud of your own accomplishments. You should not compare yourself to others. It will only harm you.

The child had frowned. Eönwë had clasped his little hand.

You will understand when you are much, much older.

Will you still be here by then?

Eönwë’s heart had faltered. He had blinked.

Would you like me to leave?

NO! Sorry…

I am not going anywhere.

You and Silnur will always stay with me. And with mamma too.

Of course.

Söz mü?

Eönwë had jokingly pinched the child’s nose.

Who taught you that?

Anárion had quietened, his eyes darting around the room and his lips pursed.

My mamma did. I like your language and I wanted to learn. She taught me all the words she knows.

While I am amazed at your mother’s linguistic skills and I am beyond certain she would be a great tutor, I cannot help but wonder why you did not come to me first.

I was told not to bot..both..b...

Who said you would bother me?

Everyone…they said…I am not your son…I am not like you…

Who said it? Do you know who it was? Do you know their names?

No...but...they’re mean to my mamma…and they’re mean to me too…

Promise me that you will not worry about it. I will take care of it.

The child had glanced at Eönwë, sorrow etched on his face.

You’re married to my mamma, but you’re not my dad. My papa died. I miss him. Will I see him again?

Eönwë had nodded.

When will I see him?

That hopeful tone was one Eönwë had known full well. He had met so many orphaned children following the War, so many grieving children…though they came from different backgrounds and from different realms, they all had shared one thing. Hope. Their eyes and their voices oozed hope. Hope that they would see their family again and hug their fathers, their mothers, their siblings. Those faces, those wide eyes, those high-pitched voices…

You will meet him again someday, he had said.

Do you know where he is?

No, the Maia had gulped, I cannot say that I do.

We can look for him together! He must be somewhere!

Perhaps we could.

Can my mamma come with us?

Eönwë’s heart had shattered. Such sweet innocence….

Of course she can.

He had kissed the top of his head. Of course she can.

Anárion had stared at him.

I would not want to go without you. You’re not my papa, but…I love you very much. I am happy you married my mamma. She smiles a lot now.

Eönwë’s eyes had filled with tears and his jaw had clenched.

You are kind and you help people. My papa did that too. But you are not as sick as he was. That is why he is no longer here. He was sick. I think you would have liked him.

I did meet him. More than once. I promised him to look after you before he left.

Do you remember what he looked like?

I do, my sweet boy.

We will find him much more quickly then. We could ask some people for help.

It is time that you slept, my child. I will visit you tomorrow morning.

Anárion had clasped Eönwë’s hand.

Wait! Why are you crying?

I am not crying, little one.

Anárion had wiped a tear off his cheek.

What is this, then? You’re weeping. You once said no one should lie. No lies.

I am not lying, Anárion.

Yalan yok. It means no lies. Silnur told me. He’s been teaching me a few words too. I think I have learned quite a bit.

Have you? Very well, then. Let us see if you can understand me.

The Maia had hinted at a smile as he had sounded out the words.

Yemin ederim yalan söylemiyorum.

Anárion had frowned as he had focused.

Could you repeat it?

Yemin…ederim…yalan…söylemiyorum.

The child had squinted his eyes, a vein bulging on his forehead. He had stared at Eönwë pensively until he had released a deep breath and shaken his head.

It’s difficult and you spoke so quickly. I did not understand what you said. Only Yalan, but that is because I already knew what it meant. I am sorry. I will try to improve. Could you help me?

I very well could. I would love to help you if you let me.

What did you say? What is the meaning of that sentence?

It means, I swear I am not lying.

Thank you. I will remember it.

He had paused and had smiled.

I asked Olórin but I think I would want you to teach me.

Thank you, my child. It is nice to hear. I...

The Maia had been struggling to reign in his emotions.The boy had sensed something was amiss and had looked at him in anguish.

What’s wrong? Are you alright? You are allowed to cry. I’m not like that horrible lady who is friends with mamma. She’s old and ugly. She doesn’t like it when people cry. I once did because I was upset and she slapped me. Don’t worry though, I am not like her. I won’t hurt you. Now, just breathe. You’ll feel better. Ouch, that hurts!

The light in the former Herald’s eyes had dimmed as he had released the child at once. He had not realized he had been gripping the boy's arm.

Forgive me please. I can help you if you tell me where…

Anárion had giggled.

It doesn’t actually hurt! You fell for it. Yalan…

Eönwë had patted the youngling’s head while yet again running his fingers through his hair.

You do not have to speak Valarin if you find it hard. I can understand you perfectly in your language.

I think you speak the Common Tongue very well. I too can understand perfectly.

Why, thank you, my lord.

I like it when you call me my lord. You should do it more often.

Eönwë had released a thunderous laughter.

As my lord commands.

Anárion had stared at him.

You are laughing but your eyes are glazed. You are not truly happy. Is it because of something I did?

No, child, I…what could you have done?

I do not know. No one likes me. Except perhaps Silnur. He’s my only friend. No one else wants to play with me. Especially Mäirel. I hope other Maiarin children can come here. Mäirel can go away whenever she wishes though. She is a Maiarin child I certainly do not want to spend my time with. She is hideous.

Eönwë had giggled.

You certainly have strong opinions, my lord. You must remember to be kind to her though. Regardless of what she tells you, you must always be gentle with her. If she truly bothers you, then…maybe come to me.

The child had nodded.

Everybody listens to you. They respect you so much. All of them. The army, the people...

He had frowned, his pensive gray eyes resting on Eönwë’s hand.

Is it because of that ring? It is beautiful. Can I have it?

Eönwë had smiled patiently.

You cannot have this one, but I can have a ring made for you if you so desire.

Anárion’s eyes had lit up.

Thank you! I will be respected too if I wear a ring. All the important people at court have one. The king, grandpa Faramir…

Respect must be earned, my child, Eönwë had chided him.

Is wearing a ring not enough?

I am afraid it is not.

How does one earn it then? I always try to be nice to others. That is what my mamma told me. She always mentions how I should treat people the way I would expect to be treated.

Your mother is right. Though in some cases it might not be as easy.

Is my case…one of those?

It might be.

Why?

I will tell you at a more suitable time.

I have heard that before. I hear it all the time. People around here have no imagination. They all act the same. They discuss the same boring things all the time and wear the same boring clothes. Even my mamma’s dresses…I can barely tell them apart.

I agree with you.

My mamma looks beautiful in them though. I know this is very ungentle…ungentlem…

He had taken a deep breath, his eyes alight with frustration much to the Maia’s delight.

I know it is very UNGENTLEMANLY of me to say, but the other ladies are much uglier. Not as bad-looking as that old lady my mamma seems to like so much for no apparent reason, but I reckon they are not as pretty. My mamma is the most beautiful lady in ALL of Middle-earth. She is even prettier than the red roses that grow beneath her window.

Eönwë had concurred.

Your mother is the most beautiful woman in all of Ëa.

A bewildered Anárion had stared at him.

What’s Eä?

Eä refers to the Created World as a realization of the vision of the One at the beginning of Time. It is another word for Universe.

I thought Arda was the universe.

Arda refers to the world as you know it. As the Children of Ilúvatar know it. Arda is within Eä.

If Arda is our world and our world exists within Eä…does that mean that everything we see, all the things which are and ever were…are also within Eä?

That is indeed correct. Only the Timeless Halls and the Timeless Void are beyond it.

What are they?

The Timeless Halls are the dwelling of Eru Ilúvatar and the Timeless Void is a place darker than darkness.

How can you be so knowledgeable? It almost sounds as if…

As if?

The way you speak of these things…you speak of them as if you had lived them, as if you had been there.

Eönwë had smiled and had averted his eyes, Anárion’s attention once again focused on the Maia’s ring.

It is the most beautiful piece of jewelry I have ever looked upon. Are you certain I could have one? Were you jesting? I never seem to be able to tell whether I am being made fun of or lied to.

I would never deceive you. I would never play tricks on you or mock you. Yalan yok, remember?

Yalan yok.

He had sighed.

I would love to have my own ring. Will my brother have one too?

I have not really thought about it. He certainly could. Possibly.

Will you love my brother more than you love me? You do love me, do you not?

Eönwë’s chest had tightened.

Anárion, aslan parçam benim, of course I love you. Why would you doubt it?

But you WILL love my brother more. Because he’s yours. You will be his actual father. I…I wish you were my dad too. I never told you, but…I always wanted to call you that. I already have one and I want to meet him again, but you…you were always so good to me. You didn’t have to be, yet you were. You will probably forget about me once my brother is here, but I will not. I will always love you. My mamma was right. She said people couldn’t help it. Everybody loves you and it is not hard to understand why. Oh no…you are crying again. Don’t cry, papa.

The Maia had burst into tears, tears which had soon turned into loud sobs.

Benim aslan oğlum, aslan parçası…thank you.

His voice had cracked. You made me so happy.

Will you take me to fly tomorrow?

I…I do not know if your mother…

Ne olur, babacığım, he had begged, mamma will not know. We shall not tell her anything.

I think it is high time you went to bed, my child.

It is too early for bed. I am six, I am an adult. Early bedtime is only for children. Even my mamma says I am a young man now. That is how she calls me. I may be younger than most but I am a man nonetheless.

It is a common feeling among young men such as yourself. One is often impatient to grow up.

Anárion had rolled his eyes.

I want to ride a horse and fight. I love reading and drawing too, but I am ready to start my military training. I have tried to tell my mamma but she will not listen to me. Can you train me? Could we start tomorrow? Mamma does not necessarily have to know. We could tell her of course, but we could also keep it a secret. Can you keep a secret babacığım?

Aslan parçam benim…

What does that mean? You have called me that before. I forgot to ask you about it.

It is a term of endearment fathers may use when talking to their children. Their male children.

Aslan is the word for lion.

It is.

Parçam benim…?

Parçam could be translated as…a part of me or a piece of me. Benim simply means my or mine depending on what you wish to say.

So I am your…own personal piece of lion? The mane or the tail of a lion? Did you know that the Haradrim once used to keep them locked up  in cages and fed them human flesh? My tutor had me read about it during my History lesson, but Uncle Selim said it’s all nonsense. My tutor was actually surprised when I told him I could read. Did you know that? He did not believe me, that is why he had me peruse that paragraph.

You are a very smart boy, aslan parçası.

Is it a synonym for aslan parçam?

It is indeed. Although they must not be translated literally.

So, what do they actually mean?

My brave boy. My brave son. Benim aslan oğlum.

Babacığım, he had squealed, can we fly and practice sword fighting tomorrow? Can you please teach me how to hold a dagger properly?

Anárion…

Please, babacığım. Please, please, please. Ne olur.

My brave young man, if you think a pair of expressive gray eyes and a squeaky voice can manipulate me into…

He had let out an exasperated sigh. He had relented eventually. Of course he had. He would have done anything for his wife’s son. For his son.

I suppose I…

Yes?

Five minutes of training. Five, no less.

Only five?

Indeed.

But…

No arguing and no talking back, aslanım. And, yes, before you ask, it is also another way of saying…my brave boy.

Anárion’s disappointment had been wiped off his face at once.

I really like your language. Though objectively difficult, it does not seem to be nearly as complicated as Quenya or Sindarin. I think I will very much enjoy learning it. Can we also do that tomorrow? I will write a few sentences in my notebook, and you will translate them for me. And I will repeat them.

As you wish.

How do you say that, for instance?

Emredesin. Emredersiniz is the formal way of address which is reserved for one’s lord or lady.

Are you my lord?

I should like to be your father if you will let me.

You are my lord as well though, are you not? My Lord Father. My other papa was my lord too. I always called him so. Must I also kneel and kiss your hand?

Perhaps you could do in public to avoid any raised eyebrows, especially when other Maiar can see you. That is, if you’re comfortable with it. I would never force you to do anything against your will, aslan parçam. Especially in a private setting. As a matter of fact, I would like to encourage you to forsake formalities when you are with me. The One knows all too well how uncomfortable I become on such occasions.

You squirm every single time someone takes your hand, kisses it and brings it to their forehead. Is it a common custom in Aman? I am aware that you hail from there and so do Silnur, Mäirel and Olórin. All the Maiar are originally from there.

That is indeed true.

Is it a beautiful kingdom? How does it compare to Gondor? I like Ithilien. Ithilien is a Gondorian…fief. I learned this word the other day during my lessons. Politics. I hate politics, it’s SO boring. Why do I need to study it? I would rather read poetry, which I also fail to understand. But it certainly is more to my taste.

The child’s dramatic eye rolls and overall theatrical mannerisms had had the Maia in stitches.

You will one day succeed your father as Lord of Lebennin. There are many things one must know in order to be a just ruler. Politics is one of them. Though I concur that it can be quite unpleasant.

I would like to visit Aman one day. Could you take me? It is beyond the Sea, is it not?

It is beyond the Sea.

He had not had the heart to tell him he would never be allowed in. Thankfully, Anárion had soon come up with other questions. Such an intelligent, insightful child. Perhaps a bit too much of a chatterbox—especially when compared to the restrained children of the Firstborn dwelling in Eldamar—but Eönwë had known another Child of Ilúvatar whose preferred pastime included asking questions at all times. The boy’s mother. His own beloved wife.

Have you been to Dol Amroth?

I have not. Prince Imrahil came to visit but I have yet to the return the favor.

I have not been either. We could go together!

He had yawned and Eönwë had kissed his forehead.

We could travel anywhere, you and I. Would you like to know where you are going now?

The child’s eyes had filled with curiosity and impatience.

Are we going somewhere?

I do not know about myself, but you certainly are, aslanım.

I do not want to go if you’re not with me. You promised.

I can come with you.

Where are we going?

To sleep.

Papa! It’s not fair!

It is late, aslan parçam. You have been yawning quite a lot. What do you think your mother would say if she saw us talking right now?

Mamma is not here. She’s probably sleeping in her room. My brother makes her so tired. I hope she’ll feel better once he’s here. I miss playing with her. Oh, I have a question.

I am not surprised. Go ahead.

How did he end up in her belly? Did you put him in there?

Eönwë had taken a sip of his athelas concoction—the wounds Gorthaur had inflicted him over a decade prior still pained him greatly—and had nearly choked on it. For the longest time, Silnur had believed the stories told to Elven children about babies being carried by special storks assigned to families by Eru himself. If only Anárion had been as naïve…

I…

Deeply embarrassed, the Maia had hastily brought the cup to his lips once more.

It is a really good tonic. Would you like some?

Anárion had eagerly nodded and had quickly emptied the cup.

It is indeed delicious, he had muttered.

He had not spoken for a while and Eönwë had never felt more relieved. Until…

How did you put him in there?

Eönwë had been torn between leaving or faking a coughing fit before deciding against both options. He had taken another sip of the concoction and had cleared his throat.

What makes you think it was I who put him there, aslan oğlum? How do you know it was me?

He had immediately regretted his word choice, but the child had not seemed to notice.

Oh, it’s called logic, babacığım. You went to her chambers and a few weeks later my brother was in her belly. No one else went to her chambers except for you, so it could not have been anybody else.

Eönwë had gulped.

How do you…

I do not know how you did it. I have been thinking about it though and I think I might have an idea.

Eönwë’s had unbuttoned his tabard slightly as he reminded himself to breathe, his hairline drenched in sweat.

Would you care to elaborate?

You started singing and he appeared out of nowhere.

The Maia had swiftly regained his composure.

I sang him into existence? Is that what you’re suggesting?

Something along those lines. My tutor told me something. He said some people called Ainur dwell in Aman, the place where you come from. They are special people, I think. Well, they’re not really people. They have no form, and they sing things and make them real. They think of food, for instance, and food appears before them. They have powers. They don’t have a body like you and I and can travel across objects…I think. I am not sure about that. Anyway, they sing, and they are very good at it. And though you are not one of them—you look far too corporeal—I thought you may have learned from them. You talked to them and perhaps even studied with them. That’s how you know so much. You had way better tutors than most of us.

I did meet a few of them.

Can you actually see them?

Yes. You met some of them too.

Anárion’s eyes had widened in bewilderment.

They came here!? Are they here? I don’t want them to hurt me, I am scared.

They will do nothing to you. Most of them are nice and even those who may appear sterner would not dare touch you. Not while I am around.

How come? Do you have authority on them?

As a matter of fact, I do.

Anárion had slowly emerged from under his favorite blanket, wariness lingering on his features.

Is it because of your ring?

Eönwë had nodded silently.

Was it always yours?

No, my child.

Who gave it to you?

The High King of the Ainur did. His wife handed it to me the day I married your mother. You may call it a wedding gift. Your mamma wears a ring which used to belong to the High Queen.

Anárion had frowned.

Why would the High King give it to you? Who are you? Are you one of them?

I was the High King’s herald. For a long time, I wore the ring Olórin now bears.

So you’re an Ainur.

Ainur is plural. One Ainu, more Ainur. I am an Ainu.

Anárion had not replied and Eönwë had lowered his head.

I probably should have told you sooner. I understand if you are disappointed. I hope you can forgive me. I will see you tomorrow if you can find it in your heart to…

He had risen to his feet, his words trapped between his lips. He had already opened the door to leave the room when he had heard a tiny voice behind him.

Don’t go papa. Stay with me.

He had turned back at once, wiping away a lonely tear.

Oh papa, I am sorry. I never wanted to make you cry. I always make you cry and I feel so bad.

Can you forgive me?

Forgive what?

I lied to you. Yalan yok.

You did not lie, papa. I never asked you about it. Come back here please. Don’t leave me. I will go to sleep; I will do anything you say. I am so proud of you, and I hope that, one day, you can be proud of me, too.

Oh, aslan oğlum, he had whimpered, my brave boy…

I always knew you were special. My mamma would not have married you otherwise. I read about some bad Ainur, but you cannot be bad. You are so good. You are the best of them. And I love you very much. I always did even when I did not show it. I thought I wasn’t allowed to; both because I already had a dad and because I told not to bother you. But…now I understand that I can love you both. I am allowed to love you and I want to be with you and mamma. And then we can all go and find my papa, wherever he is. We could all play together. I miss my other papa, but I can endure everything as long as you’re with me. Because you too are my papa and I love you as much as I loved him. Maybe…maybe even a little more. I shouldn’t be saying this, but…that is what I feel. You took care of me when you did not have to. I could never repay you the way you deserve but I want to thank you. Thank you, papa.

So mature, so intelligent, so well-spoken. Eönwë seemed unable to stop the flow of his tears.

Destur, papa. Destur.

Eönwë had frowned.

What?

Destur. Olórin and aunt Ilmarë always yell it when people are being too noisy and either you and mamma are about to enter a room. I saw a girl cry once and Aunt Ilmarë talked her into…desturing…and she calmed down. I thought it would make you feel better.

A feeble laughter had escaped the Maia’s throat.

Destur is a word to convey attention and respect. An invite to composure. If one wishes to make way for someone of importance—a king or a lord—that is the term to be used in the Valarin language. It can also be used to scold someone for behaving disrespectfully before a Maia of higher status or a Vala. It carries various nuances of meaning.

You are a Maia and that I knew…but you are also an Ainu?

I am.

What are the Valar? Are they Ainur too?

We belong to the same order and share the same core, the very same essence. The Valar only have greater power, will and authority under the One, Eru Ilúvatar.

So…both Valar and Maiar are Ainur. Two different groups of the same sort of…thing?

You could say that.

You said the Valar have greater power than the Maiar. Since you’re a Maia you’re supposed to be weaker than the Valar.

That is correct.

I don’t believe it. Is there truly anyone more powerful than you?

Indeed, my child.

I am not convinced. Has anyone ever beaten you in a duel?

Power is a much broader concept than the mere strength of arm, aslan parçası.

Can we talk about it tomorrow? I am sleepy.

Oh, now you want to sleep?

Anárion had nodded, his eyelids droopy.

I am very sleepy at the moment. I wasn’t earlier but I definitely am now. I swear I didn’t lie. Yalan yok. Oh, I would like Eagle to sleep with me.

Eagle?

My stuffed toy. It’s an eagle so I called him Eagle. I could not think of another name. Perhaps tomorrow…

Perhaps tomorrow. Good night, aslanım

Babacığım?

Yes?

You can have my pillow. Please don’t go.

You have never asked me to…

I would like you to stay, he had insisted, if it does not displease you.

I will stay for as long as you want me to.

Anárion had excitedly nodded in approval.

Where is Eagle? He must be feeling lonely.

He’s in the trunk where my mamma keeps my winter nightshirts. The one near the door.

Eönwë had opened it and had picked up the toy.

Would you like to change for the night?

The child had shaken his head.

Very well. Would you like me to tell you another bedtime story? It seems to me you rather enjoyed the other one. Perhaps you may prefer to hear an anecdote or…

I am tired, papa.

The Maia had dismissed the sudden feeling of alarm that had awakened within him.

Are you?

Y...yes.

That is certainly unexpected. I would suggest you get some rest then.

I sleep on the left side, you on the right and Eagle will be fine right in the middle of the bed.

He had laid down and the Maia had promptly imitated him.

You can tell me a story tomorrow morning before breakfast if you like. I love your stories. They are always so detailed. I should have known you were one of the Ainur. I genuinely thought you were very imaginative. Like me. Most elderly people cannot tell good stories, but you never were ordinary. As I said, I always knew you were special. But I can’t believe I did not guess it sooner.

It is alright. Though may I ask…did you call me an old man?

I think so.

Do I…look old perhaps?

You look older than me and I am a grown-up now. I am six years old. That makes you an elderly man. Logically, it is reasonable.

The Maia had smothered a wheeze.

Does that make your mamma…old as well?

Anárion had pondered the question.

No.

Oh. How is that? If all those who are older than…

My mamma is my mamma.

Eönwë had cast a tender glance at him.

Of course. So silly of me to even question it.

He had ruffled his dark hair.

Now, get some sleep.

Wait…papa?

Yes?

How do you know I will have a brother? I keep saying I will have a brother because that’s what my mamma says. She only likes boys, but I wouldn’t mind having a sister…as long as she’s nice to me. If she were to be like Mäirel…

Eönwë had chuckled.

She would be a handful.

Anárion had recoiled.

Were that to be the case, I would run away to Lebennin and pretend she never existed. On a more serious note…how do you know?

I really don’t, aslanım. It is only a vague feeling…I cannot really tell you. I’m sorry. I just…I feel it will be a boy.

Do you truly believe it?

I do.

The boy had sighed in relief.

I am beyond happy then. Boys have always been nicer to me than girls. I cannot wait to meet him.

Neither can I.

I am sure Eagle is happy too. He reminds me of you. That’s why I love him so much.

Aslanım…

I’m going to sleep now. I’ll sleep all night. How do you say good night?

İyi geceler.

İyi geceler, babacığım. Seni çok seviyorum.

Where did you learn that?

I don’t remember. Silnur must have taught me. Or maybe I have heard someone else saying it. I don’t know.

Eonwë kissed him on the cheek.

I love you too, my brave son.

Anárion had gripped the Maia’s hand.

Good night to you too, Eagle.

He had clutched his stuffed toy before he had fallen asleep. Eönwë had watched him for a while before he too had slipped into slumber, his arm wrapped around the child’s waist. He had been woken by the sun coming through the windows and had stirred. Anárion had not reacted, his hands clutching his stuffed animal.

Aslanım?

The child had been a light sleeper since birth. He had often been woken by people quietly entering his room or simply sitting next to him. Eönwë knew it. He had caressed his face and had immediately retracted his hand. His skin was cold. Cold and too pale even for a child of Númenórean descent. Eönwë had held him—Eagle falling to the side—and had whispered a lullaby into his ear while rocking him in a rhythmic motion.

Aslanım…

His own breathing had accelerated, his surroundings blurry. He could not breathe.

 Aslan oğlum…

He had coughed and gasped as he walls had closed in around him.

 Anárion wake up! WAKE UP! Hayır…Hayir…you are alright, you are fine…I promised I would take you to fly…get up…please get up…I promised you I would…

He had pressed a hand on his neck. Perhaps he had been mistaken. Perhaps he was fine. Perhaps he was simply exhausted and in need of more sleep. Perhaps all would be well. A six-year-old child was not supposed to…to…

Anárion’s lifeless body had slipped from his hands as his vision had blurred even further. The Maia had fallen forward and his eyes had darkened. Someone had rushed to his side but Eönwë had not seen them.

HEKİM ÇAĞRİN, ÇABUK!!!

Olórin. He could not see his face but he had instantly recognized his voice. That warm, low tone which had always brought him comfort. This time though, nothing would ease his pain. Such pain—having to live with it—was worse than death.

Olórin had yelled—presumably at the guards stationed by the door—to send for a physician. Had he not realized? Had he not yet understood?

Oğlum…öldü.

Eönwë had attempted to grip what he believed to be his herald’s arm but it had all been in vain. He had let out a labored sigh, darkness taking him at last.

-

He had no memory of the days and weeks immediately following Anárion’s death. All that had been able to recall was his wife’s pain. Her screams, her cries, the intense hatred in her eyes.

Elphirion had entrusted his son to you. On his deathbed, he begged you to protect him. Is this how you took care of him? Is this how you honored my late husband’s will? You murdered my son. He was my pride, my light in this dark, horrid world. My heart and my hope. My only hope. And you took him away from me. You betrayed me.

She had attacked him at the risk of endangering their unborn child, the baby brother Anárion had been so eager to meet. The baby brother who would be born only three weeks later and whose funeral they would attend before the end of his first week within Eä. Still nameless, he had been buried in the Halls of Kings. Far too soon had he come and had left just as quickly. His spirit had abandoned his fána and his father had suffered through it, nearly succumbing to grief. The golden-haired Maia had indeed nearly departed the world, for the sudden pain had been too great for him to bear, another loss too grievous to face. His wife had let her rage consume her, yet she had cried and screamed in agony when told of her husband’s impeding doom. She had loved him deeply and, though the ravaging pain in her soul had caused her to lash out at him, she still loved him fiercely. She had been by his side and had slowly nursed him back to health, reigniting the faith he seemed to have lost. She had held his hand and they had healed one another. They both knew the pain would never abandon them, but their love had proved to be stronger than the forces which had kept them apart, their bond stronger than hopelessness. Together, they had bid their last farewell to Anárion, his body to be entombed in Pelargir next to that of his father. Elenna had wept as her son’s body had been transferred from the temporary casket in which he had been resting to a more embellished one which was to be his home until the Breaking of the World. He had been buried with his father’s heraldry, a few books and Eagle, the faithful friend he had clung to in his last moments. Eönwë had quietly approached the casket as his wife and the rest of her party—her ladies-in-waiting, the Steward of Gondor and her siblings—had stepped away. The Maia had slowly removed the shroud covering his body and had beheld him one last time. He was unchanged. His dark hair, his lips, his nose…he truly was his mother’s spitting image. He had been her pride and joy. His death had shattered her. It had broken them both.

Hello, my brave boy, he had whispered, aslan parçam benim. Aslan oğlum…

He had sighed.

You would probably hug me if you saw me right now. You never liked it when I cried. You always went out of your way to try and cheer me up. Especially that one night. Do you remember it? Little did I know it would be your last.

He had smothered a sob.

Words have often failed me. I only wish we could have had more time. We needed more time. You were so eager to learn, to explore, to grow up. Aslanım…I wish I could tell you how you’re missed. I wish you were here to see it for yourself. Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps you do know, after all. I ignore what lies beyond the Circles of the World, but I hope you are allowed to fly. Maybe you have already met some of my old friends. Thorondor, for instance. His brother Landroval too. They will probably answer some of your many questions. I miss them so much. Your constant, curious, intelligent questions.

He had smiled, his eyes filling with tears again.

You were so smart. You ARE so smart, my child. You shall live on in the memory of those who were lucky enough to get to meet you, to spend some time with you. You have not died, my sweet boy. And neither has your brother. It was, in fact, a boy. A beautiful boy. A sweet boy, just much smaller than you ever were. You would have loved him, I’m certain of it. He…he did not make it. He did not survive. He was so tiny, but he was a fighter. He was brave too. We were so concerned about his health that we did not even think of a name. If he is with you…I would like you to know that you have my permission to do what we could not manage. Just don’t name him ‘Baby’ or ‘Child’. You may call him ‘Brother’, but that is supposed to be a form of endearment, not a given name. I trust you will be logical and reasonable. You LOVED those words. They made you sound so grown and that is what you liked the most, I reckon. You were an adult already. So sensible and caring. We shall meet again but until then…I am going to miss you terribly.

He had hurriedly brushed a hand over his face.

You had asked me for a ring. I had one made for you. It is like mine but smaller in size. I think you’ll like it. I hope so, at least. I am holding it tightly in my right hand. I kept in my pocket for a long while. I would like to give it to you. I think you would accept it right away.

He had slipped it on his left index finger and had shivered as he had pressed his lips and his forehead on his little hand. Death had left him untouched, his body intact.

The Maiarin salute you were so curious about.

He had enveloped him in the shroud before signaling for the casket to be closed. He had bowed his head.

Farewell, my lord. Aslan oğlum. My dearest. Eagle will always be with you. You did not manage to come up with a name for him either, but you needn’t worry. You will have time now. You will never be alone. And when the time comes and Arda is again made whole, we shall reunite. I promise.

He had turned and had glanced at Elenna. They had stared at one another for a moment before falling into each other’s arms.

 He loved you. Oh, how he loved you. It was you whom he had chosen. You were his father.

I know. And he was my son. My dear son. My brave son.

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it!

Additional tags:

@tolkienocweek

@lucifers-legions

@emmanuellececchi

@saurongorthaur9

@evenstaredits

@a-world-of-whimsy-5

@cilil

Please tell me if I've missed someone. Sorry for the delay. New house (still a lot of things to unpack and my internet situation is not the best. Also, my mental health has been giving me trouble these past few days so I'm sorry if I disappeared)

I'll try to catch up and read everything shortly. I'll try to contribute to the OC week as much as I can, but let's just say that perfectionism, writing in a second language, being extra slow at writing and a new house is not the best combo. Still, I'll try polishing and posting more of my writings throughout the remaining days of the week and maybe even later if I can.

Thank you & I hope you enjoyed.

[erosauriarts]

Avatar x BSD

Warning: It’s canon related violence similar to in show BSD.

Atsushi - The Avatar

I thought it would be fitting since Byakko is implied to be reincarnating????? Also the Netflix preview got me excited.

AU Premise

**None of the canon characters from ATLA or LOK are gonna be referenced UNLESS it’s to justify bending rules.**

Republic City exists, but it’s less western base, bc I didn’t like that lmfaooo (Basically Yokohama but as it was in the 1930-50s). White people???? Huh?? Ig they exist now??? 😨

Lore Plot:

Red Lotus killed the last avatar because they wanted to find the new one, for some enlightenment reasons (IDK radicals man). The hunt for the new one wanted to take and raise the new avatar to push their own agenda. The man that did it, passed down his legacy to Fyodor (water), and he was the one to find Atsushi. Atsushi was around 5-8 and was from the northern water tribe. Atsushi’s parent was the moon’s spirits guardians (funny ha ha bc his’s design in literally Yin and Yang to Aku). Fyodor takes Atsushi, and isolates him with the other spiritual believers. They raise him, misinforming him greatly over what being the avatar actually means. Though he has a pretty good connection to his bending, Fyodor being his water bending master. They located somewhere in the north-pole.

In this time, everyone is looking for the avatar, but in like that way where you are like “here kitty kitty pspspsp.” And they even have a bounty for him. Bring him back alive ofc! In this, Dazai (Air) and Yosano (Water) are adopted siblings from a young age from Mori (Fire). Dazai at 18 splits off and becomes a traveling nomad, bc he fucking felt like it. Yosano was 14 when Fukuzawa (Air) saved her. Mori would make Yosano blood-bend, and so when she got free, she swore to never blood-bend again. She now uses her bending, and became one of the best healers.

The Armed Detective Agency works similar to canon in this, but has a specialized duty to find the avatar and turn them over to the white lotus. It’s extremely hard to get into the ADA, and forces benders to really push themselves. (In a way higher than the police force) Dazai joins, and is basically the ADA’s lost cat that goes away and comes back with something either helpful or cursed.

Dazai got leads on Fyodor bc Atsushi accidently used the avatar state when he found some new (and/or) prob figured out what happened to his family. Dazai basically yoinks Atsushi from the isolated village, running back on all fours with the weretiger dangling from his mouth /j. Dazai shows up, drops the avatar off, then bounces. Even though Fyodor’s spiritual training and water-bending was severely indepth, Atsushi lacked alot of common sense. Atsushi’s abuse in this is more intense psychological punishment more then the physical one in canon. He’s.. alittle messed up, but besides the point. Regardless how much bad stuff he went through, he was genuinely sweet. The stress of the truth tho, threw him off balance, so he is hesitant to go into the avatar state.

Atsushi’s bending teachers / relationship

Water: Fyodor. Strictly mentor and caregiver. He sucked at caring for Atsushi’s needs, and only was interested in talking when Atsushi asked about spirtual connection and Philosophical debates. Spent most of his childhood till Dazai yoinks him at 18

Earth: Kunikida. He sucked at it originally, but Atsushi was so determine, he ends up asking for help to connect. Atsushi warms up to him, looking up to him for strength.

Air: Dazai. The third one, and he’s stressed. Dazai runs circles around Atsushi, causing so much mental strain. Atsushi gets frustrated, and nearly gave up, but Dazai manages to get a mutual understanding.

Fire: Kyouka. Though younger, Kyouka was the fastest firebender. She constantly beat Atsushi when the Port Mafia sent her out. (He gets saved by the ADA a lot lol)

Character Mentions

Ranpo: A none bender. Works with the Republic City police force, but spends most of his time with the ADA. He actively helps them get around the police.

Akutugawa: Earth Bender. He can bend metal, and is actually really scary (..er?)

Chuuya: I go back and forth between earth and fire. And I think earth bc of his boom boom, smash kapow moments in canon. I thought fire cause hehe red.

Nikolai: Air. He’s that one guy that does flips and is nearly impossible to get a hold off. Boys a slinky. He’s Fyodor’s right hand man… they even… KISS?

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Hello. I hope I am not disturbing you. Can I request matchmaking if requests are still open? It can be romantic or platonic.

(X men/Hobbit/Lotr/Dc/Marvel/Harry Potter/Disney/ I hope it's not too much.) I'm 1.75 tall, chubby, white skinned girl. I am 23 years old. I have curly brown hair that reaches my shoulders and brown eyes. I'm a Gemini. I'm from the Infp.Ravenclaw building. Most of the time I am heterosexual but occasionally I think I am homosexual. I love writing stories, reading, digital drawing, watching movies and listening to music. I am interested in witchcraft, parapsychology, herbs and crystals. I love animals. (Except for those I'm afraid of.) I have an understanding, kind and caring nature. I'm not a brawler. But there are times when my patience runs out. I'm a very loyal person and I can't say no. Sometimes I feel like people don't really understand or don't want to understand me. I'm emotional. I am willing to help everyone,

Hi! You are not disturbing me, don't worry :) Matchups were open when you sent this in! Thank you for requesting one! I hope you like it, I'm so sorry for the long wait <33333

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Romantic

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X-Men -

Logan Howlett:

🏍 You met Logan when he visited the X-Mansion - having the mutation to speak to all animals, you were instantly intrigued by the man who had the same name as a Wolverine; Logan was also intrigued by you as well, finding you incredibly kind

🏍 After a couple of months, Logan was actually the one to confess to you, whilst the both of you were on a mission together

🏍 For some odd reason, Logan feels immensely calm around you - he liked to joke that it was because of your mutation and his almost animalistic characteristics; it just brings the both of you closer together

🏍 Logan was actually very interested in your interests - he had never met anyone who was interested in witchcraft - he'd often watch and follow as you went out into forests for herbs and go out to shop for crystals

🏍 You both compliment each other perfectly, both being very loyal to those that you care about, and feeling that others don't understand you; overall, you and Logan are a perfect match

---

The Hobbit -

Tauriel:

🍂 You were actually a part of the Company when you first met Tauriel; she actually saved you from a giant spider before she, Legolas, and the other Elven guards captured you

🍂 Despite herself, Tauriel visited you a couple of times during the time of your capture; seeing as you weren't a Dwarf or Hobbit - she wanted to know why you had joined them on their journey

🍂 She actually felt sad that you would have to be locked up away until your stubborn King Thorin said otherwise to Thranduil - she knew that it was not your fault that Dwarves and Elves fought; she was chestfallen when you, the Dwarves, and Hobbit escaped

🍂 She was able to catch up with you, joining you at Bard's home; there you and Tauriel spoke about your interests, there she found out that you were a witch and healer

🍂 After the battle of the five armies - you and Tauriel fighting alongside each other - she convinced you to live in Mirkwood with her, and really, how could you say no?

---

Lord Of The Rings -

Faramir:

⭐ You were actually childhood friends with Faramir - and Boromir but he isn't a man of quality... Anyway, you and Faramir had a very special connection

⭐ You both are very interesting in reading and writing - writing to each other if either were away (doing whatever Faramir/you do)

⭐ Though, when you do find yourselves in each other's presence - which is very often - you spend most of your time sitting comfortably reading together

⭐ When he could, Faramir likes to follow you around and learn more about witchcraft, listening intently as you explained spells, herbs, and so on - in which, later, Faramir gifted you a crystal that you had been wanting - (he really is a man of quality)

⭐ You and Faramir feel very comfortable with each other, feeling seen, and heard - Faramir believes that you are the most beautiful person in all of Middle Earth, your beautiful mind marveling above most - he plans to court you - if you wish to do so - in the future

---

DC -

Clark Kent;

📰 You met Clark when you accidently bumped into him on your way to work, you coffee crashing and drenching yours and Clark's shirt - you were both very apologetic, and Clark offered to buy you a new coffee (cliche, I know); you got his number in the end (win-win)

📰 What was quite funny at the time, you bumped into Clark again! I know, life is crazy... But, you and Clark bumped into each other - thankfully on both of your days off - and the both of you decided to take a walk around a park together

📰 A couple of months later, you and Clark had become a couple - and then... You met Superman - and you instantly knew he was Clark (despite the spell his glasses held) you knew, witchcraffttttt

📰 You knowing, though worrying Clark that you might become a target, (you could take care of yourself); overall, it did bring the two of you closer together - power couple

📰 Clark loves how much you cared for the people you loved/cared about; he loves how much you help others, and he loves how loyal you are - and he loves how interested you are in parapsychology, he finds your interests very... Well, interesting

---

Marvel -

Natasha Romanoff:

🌹 You met Nat when you joined the Avengers - you are quite powerful - having the power to talk to animals and many forms of witchcraft

🌹 She really first started spending time with you after a particularly tough mission between the both of you - she had that 'awe crap, i'm in love moment' when you got shot - though you quickly healed yourself with your craft

🌹 From then on, you and Nat were attached to the hip, spending most of your time together - snacking, baking, reading, training, missions, and even drawing together on rare occasions

🌹 You even had your first kiss at one of Tony's parties, dancing together during a slow song; it was very romantic, the world just fading away around the both of you

🌹 You and Natasha are truly amazing together - amazing fighters, amazing minds, and amazing hearts

---

Harry Potter -

Fleur:

💌 You met Fleur during the tournament, as she walked down the rows of tables in the Great Hall, you were in love; as simple as that (and it wasn't just because she was half Veela)

💌 Fleur had felt quite the same, as she walked down the rows of tables, her eyes met yours, and there was just this amazing connection - a zing if you will - and from then on, you and Fleur met up as much as you could during the tournament

💌 When you could spend time together - though few in between - you would meet up in the library and read together, share your favorite books, and often softly read to each other

💌 After the tournament, you both swapped addresses, so the both of you could keep in touch; when possible, you both met up during the summer

💌 When you both spent time together during the summer, you and Fleur would often take walks, spending time in forests and wildflower fields, often braiding each other's hair; life was peaceful and perfect

---

Disney -

Ella:

🕊 You met Ella at the ball of all places, dressed in your finest attire, you spotted Ella when she was dancing with the Prince; you found her incredibly beautiful and oh-so wished that you could be dancing with her

🕊 After the ball, you had heard that the Prince was having another ball, for he still needed to find a woman to marry - you guessed that he and Ella didn't have the connection everyone thought they had

🕊 The next time you saw Ella, you were in the market, getting herbs, when you ran into her - you felt a instant connection, there was just something about her smile, her eyes, that you - and Ella - felt something between the both of you

🕊 You often met up to talk when shopping in the market, which you both usually just ended up talking more than shopping; you both spoke about your interests, drawing, reading, and so on

🕊 It wasn't until later that you heard about her living situation; it was then your wish to take her out of that environment - you had a plan to help her

🕊 And you did, when the time was right, you asked Ella to move in with you - you had more than enough room, and she said yes; and from then on, the both of you lived happily ever after

---

[crguang]

I like paying Genshin…🫣 but I suppose you and I can’t have all the same opinions. Speaking of which, I don’t understand why people like Natasha…I’m sorry in advance. I can understand liking most of the others, like I get the appeal but idk….can u explain? now that I’ve told you all my bad opinions…I still haven’t gotten all the messages from Kafka, very upset, I got yanqing from standard the same day AND HE KEEPS MESSAGING ME, I need him to stfu. I was rewatching kafkas story quest and umm, I haven’t looked at that photo in a bit….ngl I kinda want to rip open that slit in her shirt and—yk I need to sleep, ik when I start being less shy I need more sleep I haven’t sleep for like two days. also my friend just said that I probably don’t like nat bc she’s a doctor…my mommy issues strike again.

-🌠

i loved genshin i played it for over 3 years but by sumeru their characters stopped appealing to me, arlecchino saved me from boredom in fontaine and that archon quest was also really good but character wise she’s the only one i care about. with natlan and those white ass characters i just cant like logging in and seeing white people with latin indigenous/african inspired clothing, names and history pisses me off to no end, they lost me forever with that one bc yelan reran and i still didn’t log in consistently to get her cons… shes c3 forever now. i get mad seeing any natlan character atp like im so over this stupid game

not liking natasha is insane… if you like himeko theres no reason to not be as crazy about nat because they’re so similar personality wise and we actually know more about nat than we do about hsr himeko rn😭 i don’t see why you don’t see the appeal honestly, she’s a sweetheart who’s upheld an entire city basically on her own. not to diminish wildfire members but she literally created that too. only doctor in an impoverished and disorganized city, runs an orphanage, leader of the sole organization meant to keep the peace… she’s willingly taking on all of that responsibility because she can and wants to help. shes not even from the underworld, she was adopted by a couple in the overworld and did her studies there. not to mention that before she was a doctor in the underworld she went on expeditions to heal those fighting against/researching the fragmentum…she’s literally the most “morally good” aligned person ever. disliking her is kinda unimaginable to me bc all shes done is save people’s lives and be pretty. kafka’s nothing compared to my natty. i get it if she’s just not your kind of character but disliking her is insane to me when himeko is the same kind of kind-hearted, diplomatic, intelligent, courageous, ruthless-when-need-be person😭 natasha stepped up and saw people dying all around her for over a decade, she gave kids like Seele a future and a purpose in life and has spent every day fighting for them, she’s even condemned her own brother because the methods he was using for his research/goals were hurting others. hasnt talked to her parents in years and didnt know her dad had died because of it so she wasn’t allowed a moment to grieve like im sorry shes a hero of the people, no one has worked harder than she has— i’ll die defending natasha she’s incredibly admirable and inspiring to me. she thanks her patients for surviving gruesome surgeries, imagine the amount of people she’s lost because of the underworld’s lack of supplies yet she CARRIES ON! the strongest person ever. and she’s so gorgeous like that’s my baby fr. plus her voice is really nice. she’s the whole package, i take her so seriously if theres only one natasha fan in the galaxy its me!!! thee only healer for months before lynx came out, let’s all remember our roots (i wasn’t there but wtv) for a second. everyone’s used natty she’s an OG!

i thought kafka had only 2 messages and was getting moze/jiaoqiu’s for days then saw that anonymous “hi, nyx” and lost my mind at 6am on tuesday. hope u get them soon theyre so pathetic… she cares so bad. like soooo bad i cant believe she exposes herself like this do we think it’s because texting is easier or bc she’s intrinsically linked to the tb or both?… because those texts (+ the fact that it’s her reaching out) are just insane.

i love how yall never go all the way with thirsting when i literally write smut like i promise you can say you wanna fuck her 😭😭 everyone’s gonna agree. the things i’d do to her would have me in the hospital for dislocated joints like it’s okay theres no shame in being horny

and you definitely need to go to bed!!!!!!!! now!!!! try taking some melatonin/tea if you can or getting off your phone an hour before going to sleep, it might help a little. but you should be sleeping it’s dangerous to go too long without it, how are you even functioning right now