#but seriously. this online culture has so many problems

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

People online will really be like “you! Individual who cares about this subject and said maybe it would be good, even just an off handed comment, explain it in depth immediately even though you have no real training or experience in debates and even if you point me to someone who you know is better at doing so and articulating the points relevant to what you were saying or suggesting, I won’t check them out even if I wouldn’t have to leave the website we are currently on, because I want YOU and ONLY YOU to explain what this topic represents and respond to my bad faith arguments that have been addressed by people better at it than you hundreds or thousands of time and I can easily look at one of them, especially whoever you suggested could explain it better than you. If you can’t defeat every bad faith argument I make in an attempt to completely discredit both you and the thing you care about then obviously everything about it is wrong and I don’t need to think about it at all ever outside of making you look bad and “winning” this impromptu argument that has been seen and addressed before. Also you weren’t trying to explain the point yourself, you just mentioned it and maybe said it might be good. I win, no one should take that idea seriously, and you’re a bad person.”

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

[asshole-rebel-psycho]

The older I get the more I realize these things about dating.

I have been trying to have deep connections and stimulating conversations for some time.

This doesn't seem to work. Especially on dating apps for I guess obvious reasons.

But as an observant, shy, lonely and somewhat intelligent person ( who happens to be gay) I have unfortunately never found love or relationships myself.. I have only seen it through other people

It's pretty apparent that dating is for simple people. I don't mean this in an arrogant way but a majority of individuals seem to not take the question asking part of dating seriously. Idk if this is due to them not being attracted, busy, simple minded or a more narcissistic culture but it is apparent to me that the closer these people are to my location, the less they are willing to learn more about me.

I wonder why that is? 🤔 I've had plenty of engaging online, non dating app conversations with people all over the world.

So part of me thinks that this is due to our new emotionless, soulless culture. Because this problem only exists when I engage with potential matches that can turn into reality.

The need for connection is still there. Fear is holding us back.

Why are people so afraid of reality? What are they running from? Themselves? Other people? Is the world in such a bad place right now that we feel like if we make a connection we know it will probably end up broken like the society we live in? 💔

The more I observe dating and other people's love lives the more it is apparent to me that deep, intellectual, stimulating conversations are not a part of the game AT ALL.

( take it as a grain of salt but from my observations dating goes like this)

One, attraction is the 1# thing! Because if you don't have it there is no fuel to get anything going. The car won't even get out of the lot. Especially off apps.

Secondly, the man usually takes action by getting the girl on the date as fast as possible..he has to woo her by showing her a fun, spontaneous, adventurous, humorous, and flirtatious time.

It is usually filled with banter, funny nostalgic stories, flirting and none of that would even matter if the two ( especially the man who usually carries the convo) was not attracted.

You can seriously make anything work with mutual sexual attraction. I've seen two plain and boring people talk for hours about nothing but because they had those saucer eyes for eachother it just worked! They definitely don't talk about work or deep concepts.

So the man drains his ( or if hes in his 20s) his daddy's resources on the girl to have a "fun" time..meanwhile his sexual motivation is keeping it going because she obviously has many other options.

The girl then looks pretty and vets if he is worthy for a LTR.

If so, she gets brought into this new, advantageous, silly, successful man's life and uses him as a tool to get away from her boring and domesticated life. She uses him for fun, community, hobbies and eventually family.

She uses his resources as a way to post on tiktok, fb and ig to show off to all of her friends " look at the amazing, good looking and successful guy I am able to get" mostly to show status as a woman and to make her friends jealous..because they were mean to her in the past.

None of her *connection* to her man has pretty much anything to do with conversation. ( sounds harsh I know but hear me out)

If you doubt this why do men and women immediately separate at Christmas parties and work events?

Have you ever observed a straight guy talking to a straight girl before? At any age?

It's usually a girl talking with her friends about things that doesn't interest him and his eyes roll over astrology and the girl eye rolling about video games or sports banter. Exc...

It's pretty obvious how for 95% of the population..male and female worlds have NOTHING to do with eachother. And want NOTHING to do with eachother except for what each gender lacks...

Emotional support from the woman and financial stability from the man. What binds them is sex and what keeps them together is family.

This is why my nerdy lesbian ass has such a hard time with dating. Lol

In the typical female way I am relying too much on talking, not much action. And in a very unfair lesbian way I can't seem to find my opposite.

I am trying to find an intellectual match when I should just be finding my feminine opposite. I'm treating dating like lunch dates with friends, Like men discussing politics on the Titanic while smoking cigars.

Unless I want to talk to a mirror long conversation isn't the way to go.

Because it never was to begin with. This is the code I finally cracked. Lol 😆

I'll leave the cerebral banter and philosophical insights to the lonely, individualistic writer side of me..the side of many great minds in history...But even a great writer will drop his work like a hot potato as soon as he finds a woman he is undeniably in love with. 🥰

My point is to find my opposite not my reflection. And my opposite might surprise me with what they can give or know...even if it's not deep or extremely interesting to me. This goes for any gender. Love doesn't work that way.

[thestrangestthing89]

It's not an apology, it's a clarification. He very directly says "you misconstrued what I said" a thing multiple people around here have been trying to say for months. He said this exact same thing in an Instagram post he made a few months ago but people lack the reading comprehension skills to follow something like that. So he said it in a TikTok video again only some people are still not understanding. And it's because they don't want to. (He has recently taken his Instagram post down, I'm guessing because he is getting relentlessly harassed.) The truth of the matter is that many people didn't take the time to understand basic facts about this situation (like what the word Zionism actually means) and the result was that a lot of misinformation spread because people were desperate to make sure their followers knew they were The Most Progressive and The Most Anti-Racist. They did not talk about this issue in a way that was culturally sensitive. They made assumptions about Noah based on anti-Semitic stereotypes and I don't even think they realize they are doing it because, again, they aren't well-informed. But every time someone twists the word Zionism to mean "pro-genocide" and makes the flying leap that anyone using that word is laughing at people dying they are falling into the stereotype that Jews are bloodthirsty. Anytime people say that any Jewish person has the wrong information in this situation and needs to education themselves about their own culture, they are believing that Jews can't be trusted. They did all of these things to Noah and they did it very easily because they are ignorant. These people essentially turned into an angry mob. I can't even count the amount of comments I saw that were basically "I hate Noah too!!! Wait, what did he do? Someone tell me!" They piled on because their peers were doing it and not because they had any clue what the problem was. It was the cool and trendy thing to do so they did it. And they deluded themselves into thinking they were saving Palestinians in the process when they actually didn't do shit for anyone. The only problem is that the people who did this didn't take the time to inform themselves before piling on. Noah didn't apologize to them because he doesn't have to. They owe him an apology though and I think the ones with larger followings are responsible for a lot of this and imo are lucky they didn't get sued for defamation. He didn't do any of the things they are accusing him. They decided for themselves what he thought and believed based on very little information and they have no right to do this to anyone. They seriously think Noah is responsible for single-handedly killing people. He's not in the military or a politician. He didn't even endorse anyone who did. This whole situation is the stupidest fucking thing in the world. They are more outraged over the bullshit they made up about him the actual political situation and it's because they don't actually care. They are using Palestinians as an excuse to say hateful things, but they aren't helping them at all. I don't think Gen Z-ers are realizing that everyone older than them is getting increasingly more concerned about the way they go about their political activism. It's a serious problem and this current political situation only highlighted problems with them that had been occurring for a while now. Relentlessly harassing any Jewish person online for not speaking exactly to your liking isn't activism. Threatening to kill people who disagree with you isn't activism. Trying to ruin someone's career because they didn't act like your parasocial bestie isn't activism. Spamming the comments of everyone's posts with Free Palestine isn't activism and it sure as hell isn't what spreading awareness looks like. That requires being well informed first. Not to mention learning how to have difficult conversations without screaming hysterically at people and shouting that they must be pro-genocide/racist/misogynist/homophobic every damn second just because they said something you didn't take the time to understand.

They need to learn to ask for a clarification before assuming the absolute worst about people. They do this to people in the fandom constantly and it's why no one decent posts here regularly anymore. They are ignorant, plain and simple. But they are so desperate for peer approval and for people to think they are the best activists ever that they don't realize how much damage they do when they behave this way.

The people still pissed at Noah were always going to be. They were always going to pick him apart because they are anti-Semitic and they made that very clear. All he is saying is that people need to understand that both Jews and Palestinians are human and stop taking sides. A thing that anyone with a shred of human decency has been saying for months. The people who haven't been saying this tend to be very young (teens and early 20s) and it's because they fell for a lot of unverified information on TikTok - something that is concerning a lot of people given that it is an election year in the US. All anyone had to do here was listen and they didn't. They are too busy trying to be morally superior to anyone to bother having an actual conversation. They still aren't listening. There was nothing wrong with what Noah said here either. But people are determined to believe that he was laughing at people dying when he wasn't. This literally never happened. They just heard a word they weren't familiar with a jumped to awful conclusions. It's not their place to educate anyone on anything. They are not qualified to do so. And I wish people were smarter about who they were reblogging and weren't so desperate to get more followers by jumping on the bandwagon. They cause so much drama in the fandom constantly by acting like this. This is just the latest example.

The people who think it's now suddenly ok to be violent and homophobic towards someone just because they perceived that person to do something they didn't like, were waiting for an opportunity. They wanted to be horrible and they think they got a reason. They didn't and there is never a reason to behave like this. But it did reveal just how many people in this fandom are horrible human beings. The people who weren't saying this directly were still agreeing with those people and were not better than them. It should have set alarm bells off in their heads that the only people who agreed with them were being vile. That should have been the first clue they were on the wrong side. I wish people learned to think for themselves better. They were clearly jumping on the bandwagon and didn't understand what was going on. And I stand by my comment from a few months ago, we would not be dealing with relentless drama in the fandom if the show had a higher rating. And I do think they need to focus more on their original adult audience again. Most of us do not feel comfortable posting regularly in this fandom when it got taken over by kids who don't understand any of the things they are upset about, but they are upset with everyone and everything constantly. No one came here to babysit.

[big-coyote]

hi!! this may be a weird thing to ask about but ive decided to make one of my longtime ocs a coyote therian (they were connected to coyotes since the beginning) and i wanted to ask if theres stuff i should avoid when talking abt them or doing character design?

ive done some research on my own looking thru tumblr blogs ran by therians mostly, but i mightve missed some stuff!

for now they show their theriantophy as either wearing a coyote looking onesie (which is the first outfit they ever had) or when wearing other clothes they have a tail keychain on their trousers, so i also wanted to ask if you know of any other things they could have to connect with their theriotype?

again im sorry if this is a weird question! <3

(1/2) Hello! Not a weird question at all, I’m actually very honored and happy you’ve asked! I have quite a number of OCs myself that are also therians or otherkin adjacent lol. Also if anyone else has any ideas they’d like to add/advice feel free to comment or reblog!

As for things you should ovoid I’d recommend straying away from the idea of therianthropy being inherently because of mental illness. While it’s totally okay for your Oc to struggle with mental health problems or other serious topics. I often see the stigma online where people assume being nonhuman or having a alterhuman identity means the person in question must have Schizophrenia, Dissociative Identity Disorder, psychosis, a delusional disorder, etc. And again while I know plenty of nonhumans who have those disorders (I have some of them) and that may effect their identities as a whole, it shouldn’t be the end all be all of their identity you know? Ovoid adding more stigma to both.

Another thing I’d stray away from is the idea of a character being a therian because of spirit animals or any mythology related to closed practices/groups. I’ve seen many indigenous people online speak about their discomfort with the word ‘spirit animal’ and how it’s been adopted into pop culture. Being alterhuman is much more then “I feel connected to this thing/this thing is just like me”, it runs much deeper then that and it is as much as a real identity as something like gender, sexuality, religion, etc. It should be taken with as much care and seriousness as those other identities because it is huge and important part to a lot of our lives.

Lastly I’d recommend avoiding making the character the butt end of the jokes. While the Oc themselves can be funny, have funny things happen to them or have funny experiences as a coyote Therian I’d ovoid making them the punching bag to other OCs. Online it’s not uncommon to see many people misunderstanding and mischaracterizing being nonhuman for a quick laugh. It be very disheartening if an OCs entire existence in a story is just “haha they think they’re a dog, that’s stupid”. Again it’s important to take any identity like being a Therian seriously instead of just being the punch line for a joke or gag.

As for the clothing I think the onesie would be incredibly cute and good to wear as well as the tail! Many therians wear tails, both real and faux fur ones, to feel connected to their identity and feel more comfortable. I’ve also known many therians who were things like jewelry with their theriotype on it, fake animal ears, t-shirts, rings, fur coats, earrings, pins/buttons, etc. Some also like collecting plushies or posters with their theriotype as well, or having stickers on their books or drawing them. Or if you’d prefer a more casual character design you could have a character who doesn’t wear any outward Therian gear and prefers to keep it low key. Both options are very valid and would be interesting to see!

But no matter what I’m sure your Oc is going to be amazing and I can’t wait to see them! Please tag me if you make any art or stories about them, or if you have any other questions feel free to ask again or DM me!

[destinyc1020]

https://www.vox.com/culture/355242/hollywood-it-boy-diversity-problem-barry-keoghan-jacob-elordi-jeremy-allen-white

Interesting article, I wish me MOC were spotlighted lik a lot of these "white boys of the months"who can do 1 project and suddently are everywhere.

This was a VERY well-written article Anon! I enjoyed reading it! 😊 It really gave food for thought.

First off, I just wanna say that the Michael B. Jordan erasure is just.... 🥴 Seriously?? How are you all gonna act like this man doesn't exist??

Anyway...

I really do think that there are a lot of factors that play into 1) why there are so few "movie stars" of the younger generation these days, and 2) why there's such a lack of diversity.

Chiiiiiile....You're gonna need to take a seat, cuz I's got THANGS to say on this one! It's gonna be a long one lol. 🤣

RE: Movie Stars....

I think the reasons are:

We are living in a different age from the 90s. People need to keep in mind that "the 90s" was at least 30 years ago. Things have changed. People have changed.

The invention of social media, more online "presence" (something that wasn't around much in the 90s) has also played a role

Actors these days aren't living in the age of Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Denzel, or even Leo DiCaprio were when they were making it big. I don't think you can even really compare them.

I also feel like Hollywood is more so about IPs and less about nurturing movie stars. We're living in a post-Marvel world, and for a LONG time it's been the IP (not the ACTOR) that is selling these films. I blame Hollywood for placing emphasis on nostalgic films, "reboots", and IP-heavy films in order to guarantee a sure success at the box office, as opposed to nurturing actors to become movie stars. Tom Cruise didn't become an A-List movie star overnight. None of those A-list actors did. I think people tend to forget that! You have to give many of these younger actors some TIME.

Did I mention social media?? To me, social media has sort of taken away the aspect of "mystery" and "unattainability" that a lot of movie stars and A-List actors had back in the day. Now days, fans have their favorite actors at their fingertips, and they can even comment and interact w/them on social media. That was NOT a thing 30 years ago.

Being more "relatable" to fans is more of a thing than it was 30 years ago. If you're so "relatable" to fans now days, fans start to see you on THEIR level, and it might be hard to view you as a "movie star" when you're so down to earth and "relatable" Lol. 😅 Idk...just saying. You almost need an air of snobbery lol. 😅

RE: Lack of Diversity....

First of all, let's be honest, Hollywood has ALWAYS struggled in this department. 😒🙄 The article is right though, for a while there, it seemed like HW was making a turn for the better.... With films coming out staring actors like Mahershala Ali, Daniel Kaluuya, Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, etc.

What happened?? Well, let's see shall we? Umm...First of all, Chadwick Boseman DIED. 😭 I actually saw him getting to the level of Will Smith if he had stayed alive, because he was just so darn likeable, and a VERY good actor.

Ummm....Jonathan Majors had assault charges... 😭 Yet ANOTHER talented Black male actor who was starting to get a lot of hype and attention, and was even starting to gain the label from women as "hot", even though he has a Butter Face lol. 😅🤣 But charges of assaulting your gf don't seem to go over too well when you're trying to make it "big" in Hollywood. 🥴

Rege Jean Page was another one who was labeled HOT (and he IS!) after Bridgerton aired. I was excited for him too, but then, his career seemed to take a turn for the worst after he no longer was on "Bridgerton". He still has a chance though to turn this around lol... But yea....

Kelvin Harrison Jr. is super talented imo, but I feel like he needs some more bigger films (he wasn't really the main focus in "Elvis" ) under his belt in order to get more girls to notice him. I remember that he was supposed to be in Euphoria (which could have gotten him more exposure) but then he dropped out all of a sudden (maybe due to filming conflicts w/another project).

My pick to lead the way is still Michael B. Jordan. Women LOVE him! 🥰 He's hot as idk what, he's charming, and he's been in large films, and even made his directorial debut with "Creed 3"! 😁

Daniel Kaluuya is also a great pick as well... But do women really "sweat" him like that?? Idk lol... 👀 You kinda need someone who has some sex appeal. I'm sorry, but when I see Daniel, I see a good actor, but for some reason, he kinda lacks that "something" that makes me say: "Ooooo yeaaa.... I wanna get with him for one night" lol. 🤣 I'm sorry, but that is probably what is lacking lol....for ME anyway. He's a good actor though!

Another thing...Do young black women go ga-ga over actors like that? Serious question. 🤔 I always feel like as a community, we as black women tend to go HAM for the musical artists. I remember growing up I always felt like I was kind of like an anomaly cuz I always loved and crushed on the ACTORS way more than I crushed on male music artists lol. 😅 I feel like it's kinda rare in the black community for us as women (or young girls) to be crushing on male actors like that. I always felt kind of alone in that regard. Thank goodness I had a small group of other black friends around my age who felt the same way I did and shared my love of film. 🥰 (I might make a poll out of this to see what others think)

I kind of feel like SOME sectors of the population (i.e. white girls) tend to be more of the obsessive types when it comes to "internet boyfriends" lol. There are some who just fangirl over guys more than others it seems. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Some segments of the population tend to be way more obsessive with the fangirling and the fanfic writing, the going-to-see-a-movie-10x-because-so-and-so-is-in-it.

I also feel like Hollywood tends to push certain actors with a certain look, and that look very rarely includes black (or moc) men.

I think Dev Patel is promising.... So are Henry Golding, Charles Melton, and Anthony Ramos. I also think that what makes a "movie star" isn't always just the movie, but also what you push them into doing. Tom Holland didn't become a movie star JUST because he played Spiderman. I mean, that certainly HELPED (don't get me wrong lol), but he also became a movie star because he was pushed into various different avenues of promotion for the film when it came out. Lip Sync Battle, radio interviews, TONS Of ComicCon appearances and Meet and Greets. I feel like Hollywood doesn't really NURTURE black male actors like this in order to become movie stars. You kind of have to be EVERYWHERE for a little while so that people will come to know you. THAT is how you become a movie star. It's not just the movie, it's all of the other little things that go along with it. And I don't see Hollywood doing that for black male actors. Some black films aren't even given HALF the amount of global press tour that white films are given. Just saying...

It's interesting that Pedro Pascal was mentioned, cuz a lot of women sweat him and he's well into his 40s. Very interesting (and good) point!

Sorry for this lengthy discourse (if you've even made it down this far ROTFL). 😅

TL;DR Version: I think there are a LOT of factors that play into why there has been a "movie star" drought in Hollywood lately, and why MOC aren't pushed as much to the forefront.

[c0rpseductor]

i complained briefly about this on twitter (“briefly,” he says. Actually i complained about it for quite some time and with vigor) but i hate that godawful website because i am a verbose autist and a tweet is only about a sentence or two long. for me. so i will try to pursue a thought about it here from beginning to end, outside of the constraints of twitter’s character limit (which is targeting me personally)

i have tried on and off for hours to get my mind off this, but i was really upset and disappointed to find out that richard siken not only did write wincest himself but seems to approve of approaching incest from the angle of sexual fantasy in general — these tweets about it are really sticking in my craw, and apparently they are from an interview he did in 2015, but the whole thing just came up again and it’s not my favorite take!

the question about consequences — and “question” is generous, i know he’s already years ago come to the conclusion that whatever consequences exist as a result of such narratives do not matter — gets me bc it’s like, dude, i KNOW what the consequences are. from experience. i have lived with them all my life.

the cycle is as such: writers portray incest as mutual sexual deviance as opposed to the reality of it being violence. literature portrays it as such, pop culture portrays it as such, fanfiction portrays it as such, it is widely discussed as such — as an example, try really thinking about how often perceived promiscuity is blamed on “daddy issues,” and what that may imply. many people never have any personal experience with incest or with survivors and come to regard it as a distant sort of kink activity, or an imaginary, almost fun and racy sort of violence that happens to a distinct class of subhuman other totally segregated from human society. survivors are blamed because the dominant cultural narrative believes they are willing participants and not victims of rape, survivors internalize shame and do not come forward. survivors often come forward to partners who find their childhood trauma (incestuous abuse is most often CSA) arousing. the online support group i frequent has a recurring problem of lurkers who use DMs to sexually harass psychologically vulnerable victims of abuse while they are in crisis. society does not take us seriously because the violence we face is seen not as violence, but as a category of pornography.

furthermore, trying to say this makes me the bad guy. to frankly and clearly state the harm perpetuated against me and others by these cultural narratives & their continuation in every aspect of life is regarded as puritanical and Orwellian. nevermind that the proliferation of such ideas & narratives and my exposure to them left me terrified that my closest friends would think i was a pervert for disclosing sexual abuse from my parents, nevermind that I spent years being told by my abusers and society at large that i’d brought it on myself, nevermind that i’m continually surrounded by that rhetoric every day and continue to have salt rubbed in the already unbelievably painful wounds — some people are criticized for publishing wincest fic in ao3, and this is the truest sort of victim; surely someone who was merely raped by his father for years could not understand the pain and martyrdom of being called an asshole online. THIS is the real concern. upholding the secret and mystique around intrafamilial sexual violence for the sake of shippers’ enjoyment of a middling CW show from 2004 is how we will fix society, no matter how many incest survivors’ dignity we must sacrifice to make it happen

anyway. i think this guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but trying to convince anyone that this stuff is even tangentially related to the experiences of real human beings who may see it and be hurt is a good deal like trying to tell people unicorns are real, in that they will laugh in your face.

[lonelyroommp3]

idk if the correlation is actually there or just in my head, but this whole "shaming people for wanting to read smut" thing feels related to this notion that reading is something you do to get smarter and more cultivated, instead of being a hobby that you do for fun. Both of these interpretations of reading can coexist of course, but the discourse™ appears to frequently lose sight of the fact that to many ppl, reading is a leisure activity that brings them joy. And if they like to get turned on while reading something .... Good for them??? I do not consider myself a smut reader and I personally like to challenge myself with the books I read, but there absolutely are phases where I will NOT read a book unless it has romance or sex in it, because that is simply what i am in the mood for. The intense pushback against "smut readers" that frames them as a stain on the intellectual reputation of reading or whatever honestly makes me wonder if the people doing said shaming even have fun while reading. Which is hyperbolic of course but idk. the focus on the label "reader" and what it communicates has had negative impact on book discussions and reading culture online i fear.

no you're exactly right! i think people focus so much on this concept of being a Reader and of literature as this uniquely intellectual medium that they forget it's just that - a medium for telling stories that can be of absolutely any genre, style, content, medium, or level of intellectualism or seriousness. like it doesn't suddenly become this great inherently holy thing just because it's words on a page. like, whatever, i'm sure many of these people do enjoy reading because it's pretty difficult to force your way through some denser classics + literary fiction unless you're deriving some amount of pleasure from it, but i think they enjoy the sense of superiority they get from it just as much, if not even more lmao.

(also yeah i can't get behind this sort of, reader's version of the bygone hipster v fandom blogger war going on between "serious literature" and "smut readers", whether people in the latter category are going for spicy booktok hits or fanfiction on wattpad/ao3. like i don't think it's actually a problem whatsoever if somebody only wants to read smut but i also think presenting this weird false dichotomy helps precisely no one. when it comes to booktok romance i actually keep coming back to that classic designation of "beach reads" and the awareness that label has of some types of book filling a very specific and helpful niche for when you just want to read something feel good to turn your brain off, without that meaning that you're completely incapable of reading or unwilling to read anything deeper. like that's what a lot of booktok romance is. they're beach reads. they have an important function in the literary ecosystem.)

[fandom-hoarder]

Considering OP is yelling at ppl to leave them alone when questioned on specifics because a post that says “the grooming in spn fandom is insane” (specifically Wincest) was “not a callout” and only “a legitimate safety concern” about “a space is known for well you know”, they are not worth the time. They also reacted very rudely to an anon who only wanted to apologize for following them (thinking that OP was anti Wincest and trying to respect OP’s boundaries). Just not worth it.

[I held onto this in my drafts for a day, but I think I'm just gonna publish it after all. Even though v did a much better job of addressing the op directly, imo, I'm not interacting with the op. I'm also going to gather screenshots in a posterity post, but it will likely be unrebloggable.]

Hmm, I debated publishing this ask, because I'm really just. So tired. And annoyed. And it's not a great combination for tact. Nevertheless...

I haven't seen the yelling myself, just avoidance and redirection. Flippancy. But maybe it's happening in a space I can't see, or between people I've blocked, idk. If so, it sounds a lot like it IS January 2023 redux 🙃🙃🙃 -- I HAVE seen it now, and my suspicion still stands, though still not 100%.

People need to stop making such serious accusations when they refuse to back it up. Words fucking mean things. Saying a certain sector of the fandom--that ostensibly you're also a part of?--has a problem with grooming and is stupid...that was NOT worded in a way to help people stay safe. It was worded like a vague callout post to scare people. We've seen those before. 🙄

A post that was actually concerned about grooming in online spaces *in general* would list some things to be aware of, things to recognize, tips for getting out of a situation. But no, it's this vaguepost without anything specific, with the one question in the notes asking for an explanation or if it's sarcasm-- unanswered [eta: well maybe they responded and I can't see it, since I realized I had op blocked]-- and one reblog from a person who claims it wasn't about wincesties specifically, when it demonstrably WAS??

So who is doing it, and where/how? I don't necessarily think it's a good idea to make public posts with names that devolve into personal beef and worse, but if someone is making the accusation that there's a grooming problem in the fandom they need to come with receipts or at the very least descriptions of the situation??

This isn't cutesy. You know exactly what anon is talking about, as shown later. Reblogging the post unaltered gives at least the appearance of agreeing with it as written.

This isn't to make light of! You reblogged it.

This isn't helpful.

If there was no one specific, why reblog a post specifically about the wincest fandom having insaneeee grooming? It wasn't "just in general." It's not a joke, yet this reply looks entirely unserious.

I am too old to keep seeing this type of shit go through the fandom at regular intervals, especially when it's so often a false accusation based on interpersonal drama. The only purpose this serves is riling up the dash. It's exhausting, and waters down the gravity of the accusation by making it a phrase that cries wolf.

I'm not even saying outright that the post is a LIE; just that it has seriously similar markers of past drama that was approximately 90% unaddressed purity culture biases about fiction, 9% interpersonal beef, and 1% actual concern for a human being who was an adult, but young. And it led to the utter gutting of fandom, loss of acquaintances, deletion of a glut of fic-- all due to smearing the reputation of a writer by using horrible UNTRUE AND INCENDIARY ACCUSATIONS.

So I'm sure many of you already understand why I take umbrage with these types of posts! Who knows if it's about fiction or something real? 🤷‍♀️

And since there's no further context to be found, the way it LOOKS on the dash is that someone is taking creeper!Dean too seriously. It could be about something else, but who knows.

[ahappydnp]

This might be controversial, I don't know. But I honestly don't like Dan's content post coming out nearly as much as pre-BIG. It used to be silly -yes- but relatable videos with one or two edgy jokes thrown in. Now it's ALL "I'm gay, horny and depressed and the world is ending but we also kind of deserve it" ... I know that last part has a lot to do with We're all doomed and Dystopia Daily - like the clue is in the names, I get it. But when it's all jokes like that... where is the lightheartedness? Where is the fun? Where is the relief from the problems of the world? Pre-BIG Dan at least had a better balance with that. Anyway, rant over. Hope it made sense.

mmm normally i'd ignore this kind of ask because it's nuanced and i don't want a dozen more hot takes in my inbox but i get that you're not just criticizing dan as a person but more his content shift so (many) thoughts under the cut:

i think first and foremost it's hard to gage dan as a content creators post BIG because the only content he's consistently made has been dystopia daily and wad (discounting gay & not proud because...you know...)

it's also hard to compare him to his content pre BIG since: 1) the video format is different- DD is a scripted persona heavy talk show format that's more commentary on culture than personal experiences 2) he's not supplementing DINOF with liveshows/regular social media posts + gaming channel videos that showed different (usually softer or more lighthearted) sides of dan and gave the audience a more well rounded perception of him as a person

which i think is one of the biggest ""issues"" people have with DD. it's not even necessarily the content itself (though i doubt anyone would say DD is their favorite content by any stretch), but the fact that the main source of perceiving dan is this heavily edited persona that's a bit too detached from real life daniel howell? because yeah like you said, we know he has a lighthearted side, we know he's actually very kind and thoughtful; however, dystopia daily is about the content, not dan as a person. the product isn't himself anymore which is a massive shift from old content. about dystopia daily as a concept- like i said, the reception from long time subscribers has been basically "i don't love this but i love you and am excited to see you again". it's not BAD it's just not what people watch dan for? it's definitely not something i would click on or enjoy from anyone else, but i love seeing dan in anything and supporting him. and some of it is good! there are some rewatches in there! but yeah if you didn't know him prior to DD you might assume this was just another ~generic angry rich white guy complaining about the world to be edgy~

i don't agree with you that it's ALL "i'm gay, horny, and depressed" and might even say it's not a crime if it was? dan spent the first decade of his career having to edit himself and if he needs a professional second puberty to feel better then go off! am i excited for him to explore more topics or stories or formats?? like absolutely!! but i'm not angry about this era of him getting his bearings. did i love him pretending he doesn't like/has never been around kids when we know for a fact he does? no it felt weird and forced but i get his thinking that he wants DD to be detached from dan. "where's the fun"?- i will say that this year in particular we've seen more of dan's personality online! like the silly little instastories and tweets, he's sharing more about his life (like seriously who would have bet he'd post anything about their japan trip????), him in phil's video + the hair clip. and it's just like the biggest breath of fresh air because that's our dan!!! that laugh!! i know that guy!!! and i do feel like he's ready to incorporate letting people see more sides of him again after giving himself the space and boundaries to readjust after a massive life change. but there have still been bits of him this whole time! the few liveshows he did on tour were fun, him at the tour preshows was PEAK classic dan and he was truly the sweetest during his m&gs (seriously i cannot recommend enough checking out the preshow compilations playlist on youtube or meetdnp on twitter because it's just....god it's so fucking nice to see him being so fucking nice and remembering why he really is special). check out the idb instastories playlists because there are so many gems from the past couple years people forget about!!

i know it hit harder because dan is such a LIGHT and it felt like we lost it for awhile. he didn't lose the kindness or silliness or creativity, he's still dan! he's older and not the same person he was in 2014, but also who is? i'm not the same person i was in my 20s which is a great thing!

change can feel scary, but dan's entire genetic makeup didn't change. i totally get if DD isn't your thing and that is perfectly fine! but i will say if you're mourning the other sides of him, you've got plenty of examples that aren't current main channel videos. i do believe we'll be let back in even more soon though :)

[mask131]

It is always a fascinating experience to see people describe their dislike or hatred of, for example, a fantasy series or a fantasy book, when you, yourself, you know that it is objectively good - as in, in term of literature and of book it is good, no matter if you actually like the story or the characters.

In general, it really makes you realize how one's reception and appreciation of a book recently has turned away from actual literary quality, and is now mostly tied to the reader's personal life-experiences and personal world-views.

For example recently - this is why I picked up a fantasy series as an example - I read a fantasy book which had as a main character a composer of music, and made music a part of its plot, a key part. I myself do not know anything about the technicalities of music, but I recognized that there was a real work of information and knowledge placed into this, and despite not knowing anything about higher musical arts, I still perfectly got everything the author was trying to carry - and it worked very well for non-experts, while also clearly being written by someone who knows what they're talking about.

And I randomly found this one person on a blog that said that this was one of the weakest and most dragging parts/aspect of the book because, and I quote, "I get people would be into reading about sword-fighting, or languages, but music? Seriously?"

This person basically said that because they found the subject silly and uninteresting outside of the book (in real life, as this person clearly has no interest in the making of music), the parts dedicated to exploring it and using it for fantasy were bad. And that was it. It wasn't about the handling of the topic, or the writing style, or how well it carried in the plot, it was just about... "Music doesn't interest anyone, so this book who is third about it is already of bad quality".

And I'm not even going to point out the obvious problems a person has when they think that nobody should take interest in music... In fact (and I am a bit jumping around here from point to point), this is something I noticed in online forums and so when it comes to fantasy reviews and fantasy audiences - at least the English speaking ones. One of their very first complaints is "Fantasy books are too generic, they're too cliche, they're too stereotyped" but when someone tries to do something new or bring something added to the table, the same people will criticize it as being too weird or unusual or not interesting enough. And with this specific "music" comment, we can unload a whole can of worms about this sort of strange "reverse-geek-bullying" in fantasy reader groups.

One of the things I appreciate with fantasy stories is variety, the exploration of new territories, the use of new sources of inspiration. A very easy way to do this is simply to focus on a part of life, a trade, a job, an element of culture that hasn't been focused on by "traditional", "archetypal", "stereotypical", "done to eath" fantasies. There are epic fantasy stories about music and the making of it. There high fantasy series about cooking and the art of food. There are weird fantasy series about poetry and how to write a poem. There are mythical fantasy stories about making books, and the numerous jobs surrounding the existence of a book. There are so many stories which aren't about just digging up treasures in lost temples, and making war against evil overlords, and having sex with pretty girls saved from human sacrifices. Fantasy series where people often overlooked in fantasy - cooks, writers, musician, poets - will have a prominent place and an important role. And what happens?

Some idiots just come in and mock this/insult it, and they typically do what bullies in real-life do when they call someone's interest or passion "geeky" or "nerdy". The two words are never spoken or outright written in their reviews, but when you consider their sentences, their points, their logic, which is "This author has a passion for a specific craft or a specific hobby I do not enjoy/I find boring/I find weird, so this is bad", you actually can hear in their unspoken word the same cries of "Look at this nerd!" or "What a geek!" bullies shouted upon seeing kids enjoy video games, play role-playing games or reading science-fiction books ; talk eagerly about math, or share a love for classical literature, or enjoy computer coding.

This is literaly the same logic, but in a very bizarre way, applied to fantasy reviews and the appreciation of fantasy literature.

I don't know if that's related to specific fandoms and authors fan-base in the fantasy world, or if it is a recurring phenomenon everywhere - but there's clearly a faction of "fantasy readers" and "fantasy fans" you must be aware of, who will complain if something is too "that was done before" and be unhappy if they are given "something that hasn't been done before". They want non-archetypal character, but standard plot-focus ; they want stereotype-breaking worlds, but that the author has the same interests as them ; they want to not see specific tropes they know too well, and yet they refuse to read about stuff they do not know about. They're just infuriating little bugs, who somehow manage to perpetuate within the world of fantasy enjoyers the same behavior little school-bullies had towards fantasy-enjoyers back in the old decades when fantasy "wasn't cool".

In fact, I wonder if this behavior isn't somehow related to the fact that fantasy became much more widespread, normal, recognized and "cool" - meaning the type of idiots who mocked non-usual and deemed-weird subjects got "absorbed" within the fantasy sphere, and simply switched from "Let's not care about fantasy cause it's weird and not real literature" to "Okay, fantasy can be good since everybody is into it, but let's still disdain and reject weird stuff within fantasy".

[myonmukyuu]

Back from Supanova Melb and had a great time 🥳🥳 Thank you to everyone who visited my humble little booth!

I'm happy to announce that I managed to sell the whole remaining stock of my SetsuPomu comic! 🎉🎉

I also feel confident enough to organise another print run in the future as well for anyone who missed the initial run!

It was my very first time tabling at a con so I didn't really know what to expect? I didn't bring many goods. Just those shikishis that I've been working on over the year and some of my remaining books that were spares. I could only bring a small number of books because they're really heavy and I'm weak and pathetic 😔

I didn't think the low book stock would be a problem going in because I kinda assumed they wouldn't sell? Love Live Nijigasaki doesn't have a huge presence locally so my expectations weren't set high. I would've been happy to sell a single copy honestly 😅

So when I did sell that first copy I was super surprised! I'm so sorry to the one who bought that first book! I was acting a bit weird bc I was just in disbelief that someone wanted to buy the comic ahahhah

I was like "Huh??? You want to buy it???? Huh???? For real???"

I seriously didn't think I'd sell the rest of the remaining stock. Sure I only had like 10-15 books leftover from the online sales but I only brought 5 books on the first day!!! I ended up leaving the con early and scurrying home to pick up more. And that commute was about 2 hours so it was super exhausting (esp since my day began at 6am 😅)

I'm still super surprised that people actually bought my book! Like ???? All sorts of people too. Both fans of Love Live! and people who had no context of the series. Different demographics too! Again, I'm so thankful for the support!

It was nice seeing that there were still LL fans in Melbourne as well. Love Live! is a bit rare to see in artist alleys these days, so a lot of people stopped by to mention they were Love Live fans 😊

Most people were Muse or Aqours fans and didn't make any purchases but I was still happy to meet them. Again, it's nice knowing there are other LL fans around!

I'm also pleased to announce that there are at least 5 Setsuna Yuki fans in Melbourne...! (Including me...) As well as Nijigasaki fans 🎉🎉

One person was wearing a Dive! long sleeve and I was like !!!! I have the exact same top at home 😭😭😭 I respect it!!! I also know that it's expensive as hell to export so I doubly respect it 🥲

I definitely want to keep representing Nijigaku at cons 💪!!

It's also worth noting that this con was a general pop culture con. So the audience is more mixed with Western pop culture. It made finding those LL fans extra surprising!

During the day I had a lot of time to burn. While I'm happy with the outcome of the con, it's not like I made tons of sales. My store only has a small amount of stock for a niche (compared to having a million prints and little knick knacks) so it's pretty expected. But yes, I was just idling for a lot of it.

I did end up drawing some quick shikishi on the spot.

I ended up selling Rathalos and Yu! (Mizuki is looking for a home still.) I was also asked if I was taking shikishi commissions which feeds my ego, but I did end up rejecting bc I didn't feel confident enough with these quick ones to take commissions just yet. (In general I reject commissions anyways bc I'm not great at them...)

A neat thing is that taking the hour do draw that one Rathalos drew some Monster Hunter fans to the table! I managed to have a few little conversations about the game bc of that. I think I'll make more MH shikishi in the future since it's fun to draw. It's also funny to think about my booth becoming LL x MH since the communities are pretty different 😂😂

Overall, I think the con was a success! I have a bunch of cute stories to tell but I think I'll leave it for another post. Financially, I did end up making back all of my expenses! So that's a success in that front as well.

I'd like to do more cons in the future! But honestly it's a little hard for me to be accepted as I tend to make really little content. (Just a few books and shikishi). I think I can only really do half tables...

But I'll do my best!

Once again, thanks to everyone who visited!

Stay tuned for my shop updating to include all the spare goodies. Now that this con is over I can sell them online 🥳

[yelena-bellova]

I saw a poll on this and I wanted to know your opinion: what is the most toxic fandom?

Alrighty, get your snacks and sit back…

I don’t know if there’s necessarily one fandom that’s the most toxic. The toxicity doesn’t come from the product itself because the majority of these shows, movies, games, books, etc. that we all love aren’t morally questionable. It’s individual people that kick up a storm and they’re, obviously, in every single fandom.

That being said, having been a part of online fandom culture since the SuperWhoLock days, here’s my observations…

To this day, the two most toxic fandoms I’ve been a part of are Stranger Things and Star Wars and both have to do with age.

Stranger Things, while being a show that purposefully appeals to many age demographics, seems to draw a lot of younger fans online. Gen Z is completely unhinged with their opinions and, having grown up on social media, see trolling and online attacks as a way to be heard. Cyberbullying? They’re all for it, because that’s what they’ve been taught.

The Byler fandom specifically is the most toxic group of fans I’ve ever seen in any fandom. Again, these fans tend to be on the younger side and have no qualms about screaming their lungs out until they pass out. They’ve gone after multiple actors, other fan accounts, and have taken the joy right out of the show for a lot of us who like to discuss it. I’m not a Byler shipper, but I avoid the stans at all cost just because of the attitudes I’ve seen…

That’s not to say that older fans aren’t part of the problem. The Steddie fandom is intolerable, in my opinion. The Billy Hargrove stans are…otherworldly. And a lot of Eddie fans are straight up crazy. I said what I said…

Bringing us to Star Wars…

Star Wars’ problem lies more with the older fans…it’s straight up racism and sexism. Whenever there’s a POC cast in a role other than Rebel Pilot #64 or a woman is given a lead role, you’d think the sky was falling. And, much like their younger counterparts, hate is the first place they go. They lead online attacks and try to bully and petition the actors either a) out of the franchise or b) off of social media.

Star Wars is a highly political fandom which is hilarious considering it’s a universe about spaceships and little green gremlins that eat blue cookies, but I digress…

Moses Ingram, Kelly-Marie Tran, Daisy Ridley and John Boyega (this is just naming the few that I’m aware of) have all survived so many social media attacks they should have never dealt with in the first place, simply because a bunch of (typically) straight white fanboys can’t deal with representation. Star Wars, in their mind, is reserved solely for the “heroes” and the heroes can only be strapping white males.

And yes, there’s such a thing as forced representation that happens in media to fill quotas or to avoid being cancelled, but so far, Star Wars hasn’t slipped and everyone they’ve hired for their projects has knocked it out of the park. So why does it matter what color their skin is or what their gender is if they’re the best suited to bring their characters to life?

Two fandoms, two different age groups, but the same feral, hateful attitude. One is for representation, one’s against it…but both are wrong.

At the end of the day, these are made up characters in made up universes on made up shows, and there’s fans that take it all a little too seriously. These shows and movies are here for our enjoyment, not to create more discord in the world, and more fans need to realize this.

[mcmactictac]

So I’m trying to write a paper on the pros and cons of fandom culture for a media class right. And let me just say it makes me SO MAD trying to find sources because there are so many genuinely wonderful things about fandom and there are many complex social issues reflected in them. Yet so many of these articles are all just based so heavily in sexism? Like playing into that “crazy fangirl” stereotype. And listen I get it yk some people are like that. But I want to talk about WHY fandom is so important to so many people.

Everyone is so quick to judge without getting any understanding of where the sense of attachment comes from. Yes, fandoms have bad people. Yes, there is fetishization, doxing, and a shit load of other problems. It just drives me nuts that those problems are pointed out and no academic sources make an effort to figure out why those problems occurred. Like the relationship between society and fandom is so fucking interesting and its really interesting to see how different fanbases reflect different viewpoints on things.

Also I’m tired of everyone saying we control the media. I have not sat through years of queerbaits; through all of November 5th and the hell that came after it for people to say that producers always listen to fans and give them whatever they want/target everything towards them. Like yes ofc massive media companies are going to take advantage of people cause sadly that’s just how so many of them are. But that doesn’t take away from the genuine meaning and support that media gives us? 

Like brief academic moment here we’ve been talking about Stanley Hall’s model of communication and the idea of encoding and decoding, and how media can have multiple different meanings. I fully agree that people’s own cultural experiences and personal contexts change the way they interpret something. And it’s absolutely fascinating to see how fanbases can have such a large majority of people who draw the same conclusion from media based on their experiences. Especially with queerbaiting and queer coding. I've been thinking about BBC Merlin a lot recently and how interesting that show is not only on its own but in relation to it’s fandom. How so many people can watch it and see magic as something so clearly queercoded, and identify themselves with that characters, and then other people can insist that we’re grasping for straws. 

I just wish it was taken more seriously yk? Like the good and the bad that comes along with it are both very real and intense emotions, especially with so many neurodiverse people in fandom space who become hyperfixated on media. That’s something that has a massive impact on people. Fandom can be a space to connect with others, to explore your own identity, to critically reflect on what you’re consuming, to inspire yourself to create! 

Whenever people outside of fandoms talk about fanfiction it’s always about slash fiction and YES that is a part of it but I have read some truly incredible and impactful fanfictions that has understood the target audience better than a majority of media sources. Fanfiction that can speak to you, reflect your own feelings, provide a sense of comfort or a way to express emotion. Like yes there’s fic’s that are just smut but I’ve seen just as many 100k+ fics that are like focused around found family, mental health issues, AU’s with incredible worldbuilding, fans who put the devotion into creating well rounded characters and expanding upon the foundation placed before them. I’m tired of all that being ignored, because it should be appreciated. I’ve seen so many people who manage to communicate a certain feeling or emotion through fanfiction better than in books I’ve read.

And as so much of adolescent culture shifts online I think fandom spaces are HUGE in terms of self discovery. I’m tired of adults invalidating fandoms because it’s just “made up of obsessive teen girls” there is so much more to that and every day I am tempted to write an essay (not for class) on it because I have so many thoughts on it and I absolutely hate that people refuse to take it seriously.

Wow ok clearly had some feelings there thanks for coming to my TED talk 

[ragnarokproofing]

author ask tag game

Thank you for the tag, @catchingbigfish! I'm tagging @sarahlizziewrites, @moonandris, and @sam-glade with no pressure, and with an open tag for anyone else who is interested. Apologies if you've already done it, this has been sitting in my drafts for like a month.

All of these answers are in regards to my thesis, which is a large-scale dark fantasy novel with an alternating third-person PoV.

(1) What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

I don't like to conceptualize my fiction as having "lessons." It's not so much that it's inherently inaccurate as that it's not constructive, or conducive to deep and resonating fiction; I have found that this presentation lends itself to moral absolutism. Furthermore, I don't tend to have my characters learn objective moral lessons, but rather learn or decide something about themselves or the world, and make a choice about how they are going to act in the future.

So to phrase it in that way, "what does your main character realize or decide about himself," my main character Fasenil decides that there is enough in the world that makes it worth saving even though it's largely hostile to his existence, and that he is willing to sacrifice himself in order to save it.

(2) What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?

I am very aware that the first thing that any of my readers think of when they read my drafts are Skyrim. While it is an inspiration to some extent, my world is far more inspired by real-life cultures, primarily real-life Viking Age Scandinavia. I take historical research very seriously, and I take great pains to maintain historical accuracy when relevant. I have a frankly massive number of sources that I'm not going to cite here.

That's the main inspiration for the area of my map where the novel takes place; inspirations for the larger world include the Holy Roman Empire, 20th century fascist movements, and more.

(3) What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

I think that this question runs up against the same problems as the first. I don't desire to teach readers any sort of specific lesson with my fiction. If they take lessons away, that's nice, but it's not something that I concern myself with.

To answer a related but separate question, I hope that some small fraction of readers who feel the same things as I do feel on some level seen; not the shallow "validation" that is so often talked about in online art and fandom spaces, but with the sort of universe-reordering forcefulness and urgency that I've felt so few times in my life. Not saying "you are a market that it is advantageous to target," but "you exist, I see you, and I know." I am writing, in that sense, to my younger self.

My characters both are in an abstract sense seeking to transcend their pasts, and to find belonging. At the beginning, Fasenil is at first balancing his desire for "success" and accolades with the growing threat that visibility presents to him. Hallbjorn is trying desperately to carve out a life that is free from the obligation of violence, but can't seem to do it. I don't consider it my job to pretend that any of these struggles have objectively correct or moral answers. I can only have my characters make decisions, and do their best to forge a way forward.

(4) How many chapters is your story going to have?

I mean, there are thirty in my outline, but that is extremely fluid. It is possible that it will eventually be divided up into a duology.

(5) Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

It's an original fiction novel, also functioning as my MFA thesis. I don't plan on posting anything more than snippets and supplemental content (art, memes, etc) anywhere; it will be traditionally published.

(6) When and why did you start writing?

I've been writing since I was a little kid. I've only been taking it seriously as a craft and as a career path for about a year and a half.

(7) Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?

I follow many, many writers of tumblr, too many to name here.

The piece of advice that I repeat to myself most often is, "good prose is a renewable resource." What this means is that you must trust in your ability to be able to generate good prose in the future, and not stay married to ineffectual passages just because they are well-written or you are fond of them. My first priority is the function of a paragraph/passage/scene within context, because that is much more difficult to revise than prose itself, which can always be improved.

Also, participate. Write weird essays and post them. Read more. Pick a topic that interests you and read half a dozen papers about it on jstor. Ask questions and offer to workshop people's stuff for them, and then get good at workshopping. Form your own opinions instead of just absorbing whatever's popular in the social media-sphere that you're in.

[intersex-questions]

Hi, I’m the anon who was asking a few questions about measuring the clitoromegaly, I just wanted to say it’s not just you, I’ve also been researching so much about it and also can’t find any definitive numbers unfortunately. Some I’ve seen only measure the clitoris and some also take into consideration the clitoral hood along with measurements of the clitoris.

It’s difficult because most of the ways to measure indicate I do have it, but some might indicate I don’t as well. I think really I’m just quite scared to bring the idea up to my doctor and wanted to be more certain of it before I do, but I think with the amount of uncertainty around it I’ll just have to go ahead and bite the bullet lol.

Do you have any advice for bringing something like this up to a doctor? I guess I’m scared of not being taken seriously or questioning around why I want to know and that “I just want to know what’s going on with my body” isn’t a valid enough reason for the doctor to do testing. Also just the intimacy of the subject matter- for some reason I can talk about it in detail to strangers online with no problem but the idea of talking to a doctor about it brings shame and embarrassment.

Anyways thanks a bunch for all that you do on here (:

That's reassuring, thank you ;w;! It's definitely something that I think doesn't have a clear standard, which makes sense for several reasons. Clitoromegaly can be a cultural/societal standard to what's considered notable or what's considered acceptable. It's also something that some doctors may want to intentionally obfuscate. Also, I don't think many individuals who have clitoromegaly are often seeking out medical situations for it, or, if they are, it wouldn't be uncommon for them to be faced with intersexism (even if they're not aware that's what it is) and either be lied to about their variation or have their variation hidden from them. Determining it on an individual level can be a really harrowing experience. Especially since you can't exactly just go into a room full of people with clitorises and compare. Many of those people would likely be intersex, anyways.

And I totally know what you mean about embarrassment with doctors, don't worry. I can talk about things that are usually "TMI" with people like my partner, friends, even strangers. But with a doctor, it's mortifying. It can also be just embarrassing to mention things that aren't TMI even slightly. I think talking to doctors can be so difficult sometimes because there's often an inherent power dynamic for many where the doctors do have some level of power over them and are situationally in a position that has much impact over you.

There's a few methods you can do to try to cope with embarrassment. However, it's good to keep in mind that no matter what, you'll likely still be very embarrassed about it. Don't go in with the expectation that you'll be able to just miraculously no longer be embarrassed. Sometimes life is having to deal with experiences that make us embarrassed. If you have trouble using words when you're embarrassed, you can write or type a note that explains all your concerns to your doctor and give it to them to read. You could also send it to them prior to any appointment or contact with them and tell them you want to talk about it. Once you send something like that, it's sent, and you can't undo that. And once they do start to talk to you about it and ask questions, it's hard to get out of that situation or just not answer. If you think you'll be able to talk and want help with just dealing with having embarrassment, going through your thoughts and "talking" to and with them might help. Being aware of how you feel can help you determine how to deal with those feelings. I really like the CBT triangle where you identify what event happens and the thoughts, feelings, and actions that surround that in a triangle. All of these things exchange with each other and determine what happens. Feelings and thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies depending on how we choose to act on them, and our actions can cause those feelings to become worse, and, in turn, our thoughts. Try to deconstruct these things and reframe and replace your thinking. Something I was taught was to try to think of the worst case scenario, best case scenario, and the most likely scenario. What's the best possible outcome, and what would happen? What's the worst possible outcome, and how would we deal with that? What's the most realistic thing to happen? Some people, with embarrassment, also feel comforted when considering that other people deal with the same situations that cause you embarrassment. Your doctor also sees a doctor. Your doctor also has "embarrassing" health problems or things that are often considered "TMI". Your doctor also needs treatment for these things. Your doctor wouldn't go into a profession full of things that are considered "TMI" if they were not okay with hearing about, discussing, and treating such things.

I know that might not be the best advice or all too helpful, but I hope maybe it gives you some ideas!

And thank you for your kind words ;w;!!! I'm happy to be of help and love running this blog.