catch-me-hello

[catch-me-hello]

What were the notes you took for your ateez research like?

These are just two of the pages. My hand is cramping.

[catch-me-hello]

Double Date with ATEEZ, Introduction Episode:  ATEEZ Ahoy!

Welcome, ATINY!

I’m glad we’re starting this series with an introduction episode.  I’ve spent the last week reading everything I could find about ATEEZ so I could get to know them a little before we start dating them.  I followed fan accounts on all my social media apps, cramming like it was finals week.  And one of the first things I learned is that ATEEZ is not subject to a dating ban.

I was stunned.  I didn’t even know this was allowed in K-pop. 

Apparently, KQ Entertainment does not enforce a dating ban on ANY of its artists.  If I’m to believe what I’m reading online, KQ also does not enforce a drinking ban ban or a driving ban (I didn’t even know some companies had driving bans), and they encourage ATEEZ to speak their minds in interviews.  This probably explains why the members seem so hyperactive and full of sexual innuendo in many of their interviews.  I’ve watched YouTube clips of members saying things that had me spit-taking my root beer right onto my phone.  I kept waiting for KQ reps to storm onto the set and drag the members out by their ears.  Now I know it’s just business as usual.

ATEEZ even had input on this very show we’re about to watch.  Unlike the group Treasure, who insists they were dragged onto Shining SOLO kicking and screaming, ATEEZ is suiting up, spritzing on some Creed Aventus, and striding confidently through your door to tell your parents they are here to pick you up, and they’ll bring you home whenever they damn well please.

“We’re going to Aruba.  I got you a passport and a bikini.  Let’s go.”

I’m excited to get to know these guys better, especially since their “In Your Fantasy” video is so hot and steamy, it gave me a pregnancy scare.  Let’s do this.

We start with a quick summary of the group’s success so far, including their 2024 Coachella performance.  I remember that vividly.  My boss actually texted me to tell me she and her daughter stayed up until 2am to watch the performance live online.  I was recapping Wild Idol at the time, and I wrote this:

ATEEZ has become another one of my K-pop obsessions. They were not formed on one of these shows, but I love to imagine what kind of survival reality show would bring a group like that together. Drinking games in old west saloons, actual gunfights in the streets of abandoned towns, motorcycle jumps over stadiums full of people dancing the Macarena. Some trainees would actually get arrested during the show. Others would get drunk, wander off, and wake up on the survival reality show for a girl group.  It would be awesome. 

The episode opens with our boys doing their “eight makes one team” cheer.  Their captain, Hongjoong, is sitting on a pink cushioned chair in the center of the group.  I love that they call him a captain instead of a leader.  It adds to their whole adventurous vibe. 

Hongjoong says they are introducing a pirate broadcast for ATINY.  “What’s the foundation of the ATEEZ universe?” he asks the others.  

“Pirates!” they answer. 

“Exactly!” says Hongjoong.  “So this pirate broadcast will run in a guerrilla style.”

I’m going to love this show.

Our pirates are here to brainstorm.  Pirates with the best ideas get to sit on the pink throne.  While they can say anything they want, the production team will decide which ideas will make it to the show.  The group is a little disappointed, but I’m a bit relieved.  Without the production team’s supervision, these guys could wind up in jail.

As if to prove my point, Jongho suggests they film Hongjoong taking a shower. 

According to my notes, Jongho, the maknae, is the most chill, normal one in the group.  This idea came from the normal one.  This show is going to be insane.

“Wait ‘til you hear my next idea!  Wooyoung, do you have a pair of handcuffs and jumper cables?”

We then get a montage of the members posing and flirting with the camera so we can learn their names.    

Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho, and Yeosang

San, Mingi, Wooyoung, and Jongho

Now back to our brainstorming session.  Mingi suggests a two-day trip to Saipan, which is a United States commonwealth, so I’m sure American ATINYs are one hundred percent on board.  But the others shoot it down because of the long plane ride. 

Wooyoung suggests a cross-country cycling and stamp collecting tour.  (Is stamp collecting a popular thing in South Korea?)  The others shoot that down.  In a confessional, Wooyoung tells us he went cycling the day after Coachella and went 61 kilometers (38 miles).   He lives for cycling.  He seems nice.  I’m hoping he sneaks a bike onto the set during this show.  I want to see him happy.

San says he’s been watching a show called Crime Scene and would like to do an escape room with a crime-solving theme.  The others love the idea, so San now gets to sit in the pink chair.

Normal guy Jongho has another idea.  He’s been watching a show called Changing Majors and suggests each member pick a major and teach ATINY about it.  He would teach art and physical education.  Hongjoong volunteers to teach debate.  Seonghwa wants to teach Korean, but in his own dialect.  (Seonghwa is from Jinju and speaks in a dialect called Satoori.  I really wish I were fluent in Korean so I could hear how he sounds compared to his bandmates.) 

San worries that ATINY isn’t getting enough sleep, so he volunteers to read them stories at night to help them drift off.  There you go, ATINY.  With thoughts of ATEEZ as your teachers and San soothing you to sleep, you now have plenty of fanfic inspiration.  Merry Christmas!

This idea starts to fall apart when Yeosang volunteers to teach a cooking class, using his own recipes.  “You put ketchup in ramyeon!” Jongho protests.  We learn Yeosang also puts Nutella on kimbap.  (Isn’t kimbap kind of like sushi?  Why would you put Nutella on sushi?)  Despite this culinary blasphemy, the others like Jongho’s idea, and he gets the pink chair.  Maybe he can teach ATINY how to pump their own stomachs after trying Yeosang’s recipes.

Yunho suggests having them all take part-time jobs for a day, which gets him the pink chair just ten seconds after Jongho sits down.  Poor maknae.  Hongjoong says they should take their own manager’s job for a day, which I’m vetoing immediately because again, someone needs to keep these guys out of federal custody. 

Out of nowhere, Wooyoung remembers that today is San’s father’s birthday, and they wish him happy birthday on air, which is really sweet.  These guys have the attention spans of squirrels.  San builds on this and says they should do a show where they show how to be kind and respectful to their parents.  Hongjoong is on board as long as they switch it up so each member is teamed up with another member’s parents.  Wooyoung loves this idea, and I remember something from my notes.  (flipping through my notebook)  Here we go.  Apparently, and I’m quoting from someone on Reddit, “Wooyoung is a collector of people, including other people’s parents, and other idols.”

I have no idea why I didn’t have any follow-up questions after reading that.  I was just scribbling down notes as I found them.  But I now have a great idea for a horror movie.

Moving on.  San suggests they make their own K-drama.  Jongho has already contributed to several K-drama soundtracks and was even nominated for two Korean music awards for one of his songs, “A Day,” from the Lovely Runner soundtrack.  This is one impressive maknae.

Yunho wants to go glamping.  The others build on this idea, saying they should do the entire show in ASMR.  Again, ATINY, if you can’t find fanfic inspiration from this, you are not worthy of your notebooks.  Get writing.

Mingi has been watching something called Zombieverse and wants to do a show where everyone escapes from zombies.  We are only halfway through this episode, and suggestions have included a road trip, stamp collecting, an escape room, switching parents, firing their manager, ASMR glamping, and now zombies.  Can someone check on this group’s caffeine intake?   

Mingi gets to sit in the pink chair and is immediately scolded for crossing his legs.  I have no idea why this is bad, so I Google it, and yes, Koreans consider it rude to cross your legs in the presence of someone superior.  Seonghwa is the oldest and Hongjoong is the captain, so Mingi is already outranked twice.  I had no idea. 

Finally, they settle down and talk about just filming a day off, where ATINY can see them living their normal lives.  Wooyoung is happy because it means he can go cycling.  But Hongjoong, who doesn’t know how to relax and take a day off, says he’d just spend all day in the studio.  I can relate.  I’m always answering work emails on my days off. 

Hongjoong says he doesn’t really know how to have fun, and the others disagree, saying he always beats them at ping-pong.  He once gave San a 9-point head start and still beat him, which I find really funny.  It also reminds me of something else from my notes.  KQ Entertainment might not have a dating ban, but they try to keep ATEEZ from playing competitive games because they get way too competitive.  Allegedly, one member tried to choke Mingi over a game of Mafia. 

Again, I’m begging the management team to keep these guys out of jail.

And once again, our boys prove my point after San tells the ping-pong story, and Jongho says to him, “Maybe you’re just bad at ping-pong.”  The look San gives Jongho makes me wonder if he’s the one who tried to choke Mingi.

Someone suggests that they all learn a new skill, and San suggests that Mingi, the Satoori dialect guy, should learn to speak Korean.  OOF. 

Later on, they talk about drinking.  San asks Mingi if he drinks beer when he goes bowling, and Mingi corrects him, saying, “I drink whiskey.”  I remember seeing some YouTube clips of these guys doing variety show games while actually being drunk.  These guys have absolutely no filter.

San says that he once went to an amusement park by himself, and the others are amazed at this, but I love it because I celebrated my 30th birthday by going to Walt Disney World by myself for a week.  Just like San says, you can ride the attractions quickly because they’re always looking for just one more person to fill out a row of seats, so you get to jump the line.  You can follow your own schedule and eat whatever you want whenever you want.  San is perfectly happy dining by himself.  I totally get this guy.  I hope he’s not the one who choked Mingi.

The idea of amusement parks leads the group to the idea of traveling in teams.  Seonghwa wants to team up with San, because San would force him out of his comfort zone.  “Him going to an amusement park alone really shocked me,” he says.  (Honestly, doing Disney alone was awesome.  One of the best weeks of my life.  Explore solitude, people.)

If I may digress for a second, I love the confessional rooms.  Much respect to the set designer.

We start hearing ideas we saw in the trailer for this series.  Mingi wants to drive a Lamborghini and stay at a 5-star hotel.  Yunho wants to explore nature.  The amusement park idea is still on the table.  So is glamping.  Jongho wants to go to an art studio. 

They decide the theme will be A Day Off, and they will all team up in pairs, or double dates, doing fun things.  “I’ll show my unfiltered self,” San promises us.  That’s great, San.  What is the number for 911 in Korea?  I didn’t put that in my notes. 

Yeosang says the fans teasingly call him a Maltese, and he wants to show himself to be a Doberman.  Here we go.  The emergency number in Korea is 112.  Actual police officers answer that line.  I imagine they’re used to getting calls about this group.  They probably have an entire ATEEZ unit.  That would be the best Law and Order show. 

We wrap up the show with ATEEZ applauding the show idea and asking us to tune in next Sunday, August 10, for the premiere episode.  I will be there with recapping bells on.  I’ll see you next week, ATINY!

Just to be on the safe side, bring money in case we need to post bail. 

[catch-me-hello]

An open letter to my well-meaning elementary school teachers

Hello, Mrs. Stover, Mrs. Laymen, Mrs. Whitesell, and Mrs. Cook!

I know I just startled you by suddenly appearing in the Berkeley Glenn Elementary School teacher’s lounge in the year 1978.  Surprise!  Sorry about that, but all four of you former teachers of mine have been on my mind for the past several – OK, Mrs. Laymen just fainted.  Yeah, sorry about that.  Let’s get some water and – OK, Mrs. Cook with the smelling salts already.  Nice.  You were always the problem-solver.  So, let’s give you a few minutes.

…

OK, we good?  You might not recognize me in my adult form, but here in the past, I’m one of your students here at this school.  I’m probably in PE right now, getting clobbered in dodgeball or playing with a parachute.  But here in this room, I want to talk to you, my former first, second, third, and fourth grade teachers.

What year am I from?  Yes, I should have led with that.  I’m from the year 2025.  I’m 56 years old.  All of you are dead and gone, so I had to travel back in time to – OK, yes Mrs. Whitesell, I agree that was rather blunt.  Sorry, but the future has really killed my social skills, and things are moving so much faster than they did in 1978, so my brain doesn’t really know how to slow down.  I figured you might have some trouble keeping up, so I brought these cans of Bang Energy.  Just chug them.  No, don’t ask what’s in them, just chug.  I need you to keep up.

OK, now that the four of you are done throwing up, let me get to the point.  Back when I was a student here, one of you said something that has been festering in the scar tissue of my mind ever since.  I don’t remember which one of you it was because my brain is now a scrambled mess of repressed memories and song lyrics and social media and global pandemic and climate change and gas prices and all the other joys that quite frankly, you should all be grateful you won’t live to see. 

What was I saying?  Wait, give me a second.  I brought notes.  Here we go.  Yes.  One of you said something that has stayed with me all these years.  You told our class that someday in the future, everyone would have these things called “computers,” (you did the air quotes) and thanks to these things called “computers,” we would get work done faster at our jobs and only have to work half the time.  Thanks to computers, you said, we could clock in at noon, bang out some letters on corporate stationary, and then call it a day.  We would be able to make a full salary without having to work so hard, and we’d be able to take more vacations and spend more time with our families, thanks to “computers.”

None of you remember saying this?  Maybe you haven’t said it yet.  I don’t know the specific date you said it.  But you’re all nodding.  Good point, Mrs. Stover – you all saw John Chancellor say that on the news recently, so it could have been any of you saying it.  I remember John Chancellor.  My parents used to watch him anchor the news.  That was when the news was boring.  God, I miss that. 

OK, so I came here because I want to make sure none of you ever says something that colossally stupid ever again.  Shut up.  Look at me.  You know why I’m a frazzled mess who can’t stay focused and hey is that a Sears catalog?  Wow!  I haven’t seen one of those in – right, never mind.  Believe me, I’m what your grandchildren are going to be like, so you might want to stop nagging your kids to have them.

So.  Let’s talk about COMPUTERS, shall we? 

I’m not going into the history of how they started or what they can do because the only thing that really matters is the internet.  You know how your telephone can connect you to anyone else in the world?  That’s what computers will do, and that’s pretty much all we’re going to be doing with computers, along with playing video games and watching TV and shorting GameStop and fuck it I’ve lost my train of thought again.

What’s that?  You’re asking what is the internet?  I don’t know how to explain it except to say that your idea of using computers to print letters on corporate stationary to take to the post office is adorable.  When we communicate in 2025, we send electronic mail and texts and instant messages.  They are sent over computers in seconds.  See this thing I brought with me?  It’s called a phone, but it’s really a tiny computer.  I can’t turn it on here in 1978 because there’s no service, but yes, Mrs. Laymen?  

You ask me where are the buttons on this phone?  Oh my.  I occasionally use this phone to make calls, but mostly I use it to send texts, take pictures, watch TV, play video games, get driving directions, go shopping, pay my bills and my rent, and do my banking.  I can do all that with this tiny computer, so according to you, I should be done with all my work in seconds and just be able to relax for the rest of the day.  HA HA HA HA.  HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Nope.  I spent eleven hours at my job yesterday.  And the day before.  I have three big monitors on my desk, which are screens I use to see what my computer is doing.  Each screen has something different going on.  There are emails and instant messages on one screen.  The middle screen has the telephone and my database of information, and the third screen is for something called Microsoft Teams on which people appear on video and they see me through the camera on top of my screens, and we have meetings while I’m answering emails at the same time.  I’ll be on the phone with someone while an instant message pops up on my screen from my boss and I have to type back to her while talking on the phone at the same time, which sounds impossible, but all this activity using computers has re-wired our brains to keep up.  Along with the energy drinks, which in 2025, make up an industry worth over 130 billion dollars.  Yes, billion.  That stuff you barfed into the trash can?  Over one hundred and thirty billion dollars.

I can’t even sit and watch TV anymore when I get home.  I have to be doing stuff on my phone while the TV is on.  I haven’t had the attention span to be able to read a book in … years. 

You look startled.  Oh, right – I used to read all the time.  I remember that.  I always used to ask you when the Scholastic Book Fair was coming.  Right.  You’re asking what was the last book I read?  Um, do the warning labels on my medication bottles count?  No?  Oh god I am FUCKED.

Sorry sorry sorry.  I’ll try to watch my language.  It’s just that I’m terrified.  I’m terrified that if I turn off my computer and put away my phone and try to read a book, something horrible will happen and I will miss it.  In 2001, we’re going to have the biggest terrorist attack in history on US soil, and I won’t be able to turn my TV off for three days.  You see, we don’t have three stations that go off the air at midnight anymore.  We have hundreds of channels that we can watch on our televisions, our computers, AND our phones, and they run 24 hours a day.  So when the terrorist attack is going to happen, the stations will keep replaying it and breaking in with updates and press conferences and it just won’t stop, and I’m going to be unemployed when that happens, so I’ll just sit and sleep in front of the TV for three straight days. 

I also did that in 2021, when a bunch of people stormed the Capitol Building in DC and tried to murder the Vice President.  Yeah, that happened.  Why did that happen?  Oh, Jesus.  OK, how to explain.  You know Saturday Night Live, that new show that’s been on for a couple of years at this point?  OK, you know who John Belushi is?  Imagine that John Belushi drank an entire Jameson distillery and then ran for President.  Now imagine he won.   What?  No, John Belushi is not going to be President.  Don’t look so relieved.  There’s a reason I picked him as an example, and I’m just going to stop now because I need my Benadryl.  I use it to calm down because the doctor won’t give me a prescription for Xanax because I’m a recovering alcoholic.  Yeah, that’s also part of the equation of this human scrambled egg you see before you.  FUN!  

I completely forgot where I was going with this, and judging by the stunned expressions on your faces, so have you.  WAIT – the internet.  Thanks to the internet, all the conspiracy theory wackos that you love to laugh at now in 1978 and watch parodies of them on Hee Haw can all get together and spread their messages of insanity.  Thanks to them, lots of people who would have laughed in your face if you said that the earth was flat, or that we shouldn’t get vaccinated because the government was putting tiny computer chips in the vaccines to spy on us, well, those people now not only believe this garbage, they’re being elected to Congress.  Yes!  That is happening!  Sure, I have some more Benadryl.  Here you go.

Speaking of Benadryl, mine is kicking in, and I’m realizing that I really didn’t mean to throw all this at you, but therapy is expensive, and there’s no time anyway what with working insane hours and waiting for the world to end so I can watch it live on my phone.  My point was here somewhere. 

Oh, right. Computers.

You see, the problem is that computers didn’t allow us to slow down and enjoy life.  Businesses want to make lots and lots of money.  And if computers suddenly allow their employees to do the volume of work in one day that use to take them weeks, then they are going to want to go even faster.  They will want more done faster so they can make more money. 

My office phone at work, which is a program on my computer, has a data screen that shows me how long I spend on each call and how many calls I missed because I was answering emails or in a meeting or just going to the freaking bathroom.  So, all day long I have to stare at that number showing how many calls I missed, and no matter how much work I get done or how many calls I do take, that number just keeps burning into my computer screen, until I can mercifully turn it off at the end of the day and come back tomorrow, when it re-sets to zero.  Until I miss another call.  Then the number of my fails for the day appears again.  All powered by a goddamn computer.

…

…

…

Sorry.  I just needed to breathe.

Oh wow, you keep bourbon in the teacher’s lounge?  That’s kind of brilliant.   Oh, you’re sweet for offering, but remember the alcoholic thing?  Yeah.  No, it’s OK.  I appreciate that.  I’d forgotten how kind you all really are.  Now I feel bad.  You know what?  Let me make it up to you.  I’m going to give you a stock tip so you can leave an insane amount of money to your grandkids.  Grab a pen.

I have to make it a company that would make sense for four middle-aged elementary school teachers from a small town in Virginia to be interested in, so I won’t go for a big computer company or Bang Energy drinks, even though the wealth from that would be incredible.  No, I’ll give you something that will be perfect for you. Disney.

Yeah, the Bambi and Snow White company.  Just last year for you, in 1977, their stock went down sixteen percent, and it also lost six percent the year before. Which means you need to grab some shares now.  They’re forty bucks each, now in 1978.  You’ll only need a few.  Trust me, the little cartoon company with the theme park is going to own everything in 2025.  Remember that Star Wars movie that came out last year?  Your kids saw it four hundred times?  Disney will own that.  Disney will also own the Muppets, They will also own ABC News, 20th Century Fox, and the film rights to Hamilton. 

Hamilton.  Alexander Hamilton.  Yes, the founding father that died in that duel.  Disney will kinda sorta own him.

Just trust me.

[catch-me-hello]

Next recapping project:  A Double Date with ATEEZ

Well, Boys Planet 2 sure turned into a giant mess, didn’t it?  I’m so glad I decided against recapping that show, especially since this new one just landed on my YouTube feed.  What kind of show is it?  I have no idea, but it involves ATEEZ, so you’d better believe it’s a yes. 

Here’s a link to the trailer.  According to Reddit, the official title is ATEEZ – ARTIST+ Double Date:  A Record of Youth.  I’m just calling it Double Date.  It’s brought to us by KBS Kpop/Studio K on the KBS Kpop YouTube channel. 

I have no idea what Double Date is about, but I’m getting the same excitement I had when I first saw BOSS RIIZE, and I need a change from survival reality shows.  Plus, I’ve been wanting to learn more about ATEEZ for a long time.  This is an exciting group with several songs and videos I love, but I don’t really know anything about them.  I know which one San is because every time I open Instagram, I’m knocked onto my ass with squealing ATINY posts that fog up my screen.

Hi, I’m San.  You may freak out now.

The preview episode drops August 3rd, and after that, we’ll get eight episodes, each dropping on a Sunday, starting August 10th.  They air at 6pm Korean time, or 5am EST.  Guessing by the trailer, this show will take us on wild adventures with our jimseung-dols.  The trailer shows them paragliding, riding roller coasters, jet skiing, and driving expensive cars really fast.  I love these guys, but if these are their ideas for fun dates, I’ll wait quietly on dry land until they return so we can grab lunch at Applebees.  I think there’s a meal deal on the boneless wings.

At first, I was disappointed that this will air on YouTube, but the KBS channel promises that the video will be presented in HDR.  These screenshots I’m getting from the trailer look quite promising. 

So how about it, ATINY?  Let’s double date with ATEEZ, and just like with my recaps about Stray Kids and Treasure, I’ll appreciate any insight you can give me about these guys.  Let’s go ahead and place our bets on how many trips to the emergency room we’ll see on this show.

It’s okay, San.  The doctor says Hongjoong will be out of surgery in time for snowboarding.

Join me for my recap of the preview episode, airing August 3rd.  See you then!

[catch-me-hello]

Before we celebrate the 10-year anniversary of Monsta X...

Let's go back to their origin story. Enjoy (and/or relieve the trauma with) my recaps of No Mercy, the survival show that brought them together!

Episode 1     Episode 2    Episode 3   Episode 4  

Episode 5     Episode 6    Episode 7   

I am what I am

Episode 8      Episode 9    Episode 10 (Finale)

[catch-me-hello]

Under Nineteen, Episode 14 (FINALE):  Surviving the Show

Welcome to the live broadcast finale!

It’s really happening.  This long, overstuffed, strange, weirdly set up survival show will ironically result in a short-lived group that will barely get off the ground.  K-pop can be so cruel.  But for now, as always, let’s enjoy the pink and purple frosting and ignore the charred pastry underneath.  Let’s do this!

We start with the wistful nostalgic flashbacks and final interviews and skip skip skip.  I’m here for the party.

We see the audience, mostly  unmasked, and I feel a pang when I remember this was in February 2019.  COVID will hit in a few months, not only delaying the debut of 1THE9 but forcing several other shows I’ve recapped to play to empty auditoriums.  It feels scary watching this now.  I want to go back in time and say something to them, but I have no idea what I’d say.  Maybe, “Enjoy this while you can.  You’re about to be quarantined for a long time.”

The viewing audience is given the voting instructions, and I’m fast-forwarding to the good stuff.  Finally, we’re there.  Our nineteen finalists are performing “We Are Young.”

Wait, there are only eighteen contestants there instead of nineteen.  Wumuti isn’t there. 

I did some Redditing, and apparently, he ghosted the show.  He just stopped showing up and didn’t respond when MBC tried to reach him.  A week before the finale, he finally told them he wasn’t coming back.  It sounds like he was having a bad experience, so I’m just glad he’s doing much better now with his group XLOV.

Back to our show.  We see the final stage where our nine winning trainees will sit, and it reminds me of the Boys Planet finale.

Our eliminated trainees are here as well.  Usually I find that cruel, but now I’m scanning the group for Jay Chang and Lee Jae Eok.  I don’t see them, but the camera is panning quickly.  I don’t see Eddie or Christian either.  Usually they let the former contestants speak, but here they’re just kind of shoved over on the side and used as background. 

Now we get the announcement about Wumuti.  They just say he left due to personal reasons.  He was the third-ranked trainee going into the finale.  I wonder what was going on with him.

The hosts go over the voting instructions again, and now it’s finally time to reveal the name of the debut group.  The name was chosen by the viewing audience.

The name is displayed, and the host pronounces it “Wonder Nine,” with no explanation of why it’s spelled that way.  The audience appears confused, but I’ve been recapping these shows for over a year and have just learned to roll with it.  I’m just glad there’s no punctuation in it.

Now for the final mission.  We get a flashback.  The trainees will be split into two groups, and each will be given a song to perform at the finale.  These are original songs written for the show, called “Shoot the Stars,” which sounds like a threat, and “Like Magic.”

We see our boys record and perform the songs.  I’ve seen enough of these finales to know that they’re mostly filler to give the audience time to vote.  And of course, after the performances, the coaches talk about how much all the trainees have improved.  That fills a LOT of time.

After both teams perform their songs, the voting ends, and we’re only halfway through the show.  We get a hallway of messages the fans have written, and it’s really sweet.

We get another pre-taped segment where the trainees talk about how wonderful and supportive their families are.  Then they learn that their families have recorded messages for them.  LOTS of crying in this segment.

Okay, now that everyone’s a tearful mess, we go back to the live broadcast.  It’s time for the final rankings and announcement of the winners. 

Before we do this, we already know that 1THE9 is not going to have much of a career.  They will release some songs, but thanks to COVID, they will disband after a frustrating year.  So for each winner, as well as those eliminated, I’ll be giving more details on their careers after this show.

The winners are:

Lee Seunghwan.  No surprise here.  He’s been a top-ranked fan favorite.  After 1THE9, he was a contestant on Boys Planet.  He goes by Onlee now and made his solo debut in September 2023.

Park Sungwon.  Another top-ranking favorite.  After 1THE9, he’ll briefly join Ciipher and wind up making his solo debut in December 2023 under the name Won.

Yoo Yongha.  I totally called that one.  After 1THE9, he will join the group WEi.

Lee Seunghwan, Park Sungwon, and Yoo Yongha

Jung Taekhyeon.    Our former child actor finally debuts as a K-pop idol.  Fortunately, after this, he’ll be able to go right back to acting.  He’s done six K-dramas since 2019, mostly in supporting roles, but he’s still working.

Shin Yechan.  Our handsome, English-fluent guitarist.  I called this one, too.  He’s currently a singer and actor under IPQ and a member of the group OMEGA X.

Kim Taewoo.  Our boy who bombed on Episode One and left the stage in tears!  Good for him!  He currently goes by Louis and joined and left two other groups after this.  He’s doing his military service now and will be discharged in June 2026.

Jung Taekhyeon, Shin Yechan, and Kim Taewoo

Jeon Doyeom.  Our gymnastic dancer.  He’s ranked in first place for the last two rankings, so this is no surprise.  He currently goes by the name DY and is a member of Just B with our very own Bain.

Jung Jinsung.  Our visual stunner.  After this, he’ll briefly join a trainee group called PlayM BOYS.  Sadly, after that, he left the industry.  He’s currently doing his military service.

Kim Junseo.  This is a bit of a surprise, as he’s been low in the rankings lately.  After this, he will join WEi, along with fellow 1THE9er Yoo Yongha.  He’ll be that group’s maknae.  He’s also scheduled to be on Boys Planet 2.

Jeon Doyeom, Jung Jinsung, and Kim Junseo

Okay, now for the eliminated trainees.

Bae Hyeonjun.  Currently a trainee and actor under MAJOR9.  He was in the 2021 K-drama Fly, Again.

Kim Shihyun.  After this, he’ll be in WE IN THE ZONE with former TAN member Jooan.  That group disbanded in 2021.  I don’t know what he’s doing now, but I don’t think he left the industry.

Kim Youngwon.  He debuted as a solo artist in July 2019.  In July 2021, he started a human rights awareness program called Project Spotlight, and it looks like he’s a student at Handong Global University.

Lee Jongwon.  Another former child actor.  He seems to have disappeared from the industry.  I can’t find anything on him.

Lee Sangmin.  He will also join Mirae in 2021 and stay with them until they disband in 2024.  He now goes by the name Khael.

Lee Yechan.  Our show maknae is currently the maknae of the group xikers.  He’s nineteen years old now.

Lee Yechan then and now

Park Shiyoung currently goes by Park Si Young and was also in Mirae until they disbanded last year. 

Suren is scheduled to be on Boys Planet 2.  He currently goes by Xue Su Ren.

And finally,

Bain.  He’s a member of Just B.  Earlier this year, he became the first male K-pop idol to come out as gay.  He made the announcement onstage at a Just B concert in Los Angeles.  I will always keep an eye on his career and wish him all the love and happiness in the world.

As for me, I’m taking a break. 

A little over a year ago, after I became a K-pop and Monsta X fan, I thought it would be fun to watch No Mercy and write recaps.  What started as a fun project turned into a 16-month obsession.  I have now recapped thirteen shows and written an essay on fanchants that people seem to like.  I was going to recap Boys Planet 2 until I saw the monstrosity that show is turning out to be, so no.  I’m done for now.

I will always love K-pop, and I’m sure I’ll be writing more about it at some point.  But for now, I need to get away from the computer and spent some time outside.  Come back to Earth for a  while.  Enjoy some silence.

I’m going to go have a bath and go to bed.  Good night, my fellow K-pop fans.  Stay positive.  Enjoy the frosting.

[catch-me-hello]

Under Nineteen, Episode 13:  Shortest recap ever.

We’ve got a lot of ground to cover in these last two episodes.  Eliminations, at least one more trainee dropout, a live finale, and the winning group with the short-lived career.  Let’s do this.  Welcome to the penultimate episode!

The good news is that our host, Kim So-hyun, is back.  She’s starting us off with the final round of rankings.  But first, she has bad news.  This is where the show finally learned that Bang Junhyuk wasn’t coming back, so she announces that here.  She also confirms that Ji Jinseok isn’t coming back.  The other trainees are very sad about this.  I know Jinseok made a lot of friends on this show.

Now for the rankings.  As always, I’ll just give the highlights. 

Kim Taewoo, who left the stage in tears in Episode One, continues to rise.  He ranks in sixth place, up from twelfth in the last episode.

Shin Yechan, our handsome, English-fluent guitarist, ranks in fifth place.  Seriously dude, go back to the dark hair.  The blond is taking away your edge.

Yoo Yongha, with the voice I love, jumps from eighth to fourth place.  He’s one of my picks to win this thing.

Wumuti jumps to third place!  I’m surprised at this because I know he won’t make the final group, but I’m not surprised because he’s amazing and deserves this.  I love the look on his face.  He clearly wasn’t expecting this either.

Kim Taewoo, Shin Yechan, Yoo Yongha, and Wumuti

First and second places stay the same.  Gymnastic dancer Jeon Doyeom is first, and visual stunner Jung Jinsung is second.  The two are close friends and just want to debut together.

Jeon Doyeom and Jung Jinsung

Park Sungwon, who will briefly join Ciipher after this show, ranks in 10th place.

Thirteen year-old Suren has a meteoric rise.  He ranked 23rd last time, and I thought he’d be eliminated now.  But no, he jumps to 13th place.

Show maknae Lee Yechan takes 15th place.  Again, I love this kid, but please don’t let him debut just yet.

Bain makes it to 16th place and is going to the finale!  I’m so glad I’ll see him and Wumuti through to the very end, especially since my other two reasons for watching this show, Jay Chang and Lee Jae Eok, are already eliminated.

Park Sungwon, Suren, Lee Yechan, and Bain

Now for those eliminated.

Yoon Taekyung currently goes by Doha and is a member of n.SSign.  No, I don’t know how to pronounce it.

Kim Sungho now goes by the name Rose and is a solo hip-hop artist.

Jeon Chanbin debuted as a solo artist in May 2022.  He was actually supposed to debut with Mirae at some point, but that didn’t work out.

I couldn’t find anything on Kang Junhyuck.

Yoon Taekyung (Doha of n.SSign), Kim Sungho (Rose), and Jeon Chanbin

With the eliminations over, we now cut to two of our special emcees from the Christmas party episode, Shindong of Super Junior and Yerin from GFriend.  They will be hosting a special segment called “The Trainee.”

It’s looking like the rest of this episode will be filler. 

Our nineteen finalists enter, and yes, this will be a little segment where we get to know our trainees better.  I scan through this.  We see clips of their audition videos and watch a hidden camera prank played on the trainees, and this goes on for a looooong time.

I would have been fine with a three-hour finale if they’d just tacked the live broadcast onto this episode after the eliminations.  I’m going to wrap this up.  See you over at the finale!

[catch-me-hello]

Under Nineteen, Episode 12:  The premise somehow makes even less sense.

Welcome back to this bummer of a show!  We’re about to have new rankings, and I just want to say in advance to every eliminated trainee:  You dodged a major bullet.  Let’s set some boys free.  Time for Episode Twelve!

We’re starting right off with new rankings.  We only have 25 spots available, so we’re about to cut down this group significantly.  But first, our host Kim So-hyun has an announcement.

She says, “Choi Sumin from Team Rap has violated many rules as a trainee.  He won’t be joining us anymore.”

Everyone (except Sumin’s Team Fiction) looks stunned.  One candidate mutters, “So it finally happened.”  Here’s where my online research last episode comes in handy.  All the articles I found about his removal only state that he broke the rules, but they don’t say anything specific.  According to Redditors who have been to Korea, defamation laws there prohibit insulting or publicly humiliating someone, so everyone treads lightly.  I called Sumin a little shit in my last recap.  If I were a Korean citizen, I could be in jail right now.

Our host sternly reminds the trainees to follow the rules of the program.  Sumin didn’t seem to be into the whole K-pop thing, but he did debut as a solo rapper under the name EDdMin.  I have no idea how to pronounce that, and we need to move on.

Time for the rankings, and everyone is being ranked in one group now, the way it should have been done in the first place.  Fourteen trainees will be eliminated.  And because this is a survival show, we’re going to start with 19th place because why the hell not.  I won’t list all the rankings, just some highlights.

Bain is still with us, ranking in 14th place.  I know he won’t win the show, but after seeing him devastated at losing the Shuttle Mission, it’s great to see him happy again.

Kim Taewoo is in 12th place, and I’m bringing him up because in the Episode One rankings, he gave a terrible performance and left the stage in tears.  He’s been fighting his way back the entire show and doing impressively well.

Wumuti is still with us, too!  He ranks in 11th place.  I’m wondering if he and Bain will make it all the way to the finale.

Bain, Kim Taewoo,  and Wumuti

Ji Jinseok ranks in 9th place.  Early in this show, he lost every lead spot on Judgement Day after ranking first on the vocal team.  He’s also been climbing his way back up.  I’m happy to see him still here.

Yoo Yongha ranks in 8th place.  He’s the trainee whose voice I fell in love with in Episode One, and we’ve barely heard from him since.  I hope he gets more screen time.

Bang Junhyuk ranks in 5th place, and the only reason I bring it up is because he’s not appearing in this episode due to personal reasons.  That’s the only explanation they give.  I do some digging, and we will not be seeing him again.  He’s currently the maknae of the group MCND and is scheduled to be on Boys Planet 2.

Shin Yechan, our handsome, English-fluent guitarist, is ranked in 3rd place.  I think he’s going to win the show.  I hope he gets rid of the blond hair before the finale.  It doesn’t really suit him.

Ji Jinseok, Yoo Yongha, and Shin Yechan

Jeon Doyeom ranks first, and visual stunner Jung Jinsung ranks second. 

Kim Youngwon, who beat himself up for dropping the mic in the Sherlock performance, stays in the game, ranking in 20th place.

Lee Yechan, our twelve year-old show maknae, ranks in 22nd place.  Quite the drop in ranking, but this scrappy, baby-faced rapper is still with us.

Jeon Doyeom, Jung Jinsung, Kim Youngwon, and Lee Yechan

Okay.  Now for the eliminated trainees.

Christian.  Our Filipino-American Vegas-born artist currently goes by C13 and is in a group called VXON.

Kim Jungwoo now goes by Vahn and is a member of NINE.i. 

Kim Keon now goes by K (not the same K from the I-Land) and is in the group DAYCHILD.

Christian (C13 of VXON), Kim Jungwoo (Vahn of NINE.i.), Kim Keon (K of DAYCHILD)

Kim Youngseok debuted as a soloist in June 2024 after doing two more survival shows.

Lee Jae Eok, my Wild Idol favorite, is now a producer with Cielogroove and goes by Billenniumbaby, but I’ll always know him as The Cadet.

Lim Hyeongbin will go on to be the bassist and keyboardist for Bandage and then leave the group due to creative differences.

Min from Thailand will go on to do Boys Planet and is currently a member of A:SIDE, going by the name Minlee.

Song Jaewon currently goes by Hwarang and is a former member of Tempest and Mirae, two really good K-pop groups.  He had to leave Tempest after the media found out that he had gone out clubbing, which tarnished his image.

Lee Jae Eok (Billenniumbaby), Min (Minlee of A:SIDE), and Song Jaewon (Hwarang)

I couldn’t find anything on Lee Dongjun, Lim Yunseo, Oh Dahan, Shan Chanbin, or Son Jinha.  Park Jino went on to do more survival shows, but I don’t think he ever debuted.

Okay.  That was a lot, but we still have a mission to get to.  Technically, we’re down to 24 because fifth-ranked Bang Junhyuk isn’t coming back.  I’m guessing they don’t know at this point he wasn’t returning, or they could have bumped everyone up a spot.

We learn that after this next mission, six more trainees will be eliminated before the finale. Nineteen finalists will participate in the final show.

We start the Collaboration Mission, and we will going at warp speed.  We open on D-Day, with fans lined up and excited.

Leeteuk of Super Junior is our special emcee.  Kim So-hyun isn’t here.  He apologizes for her absence but doesn’t explain why she’s gone.  Okay, it’s getting worrisome that people keep vanishing on this show, but proceed. 

What we learn next makes me put my head down on my desk for a full minute.  They’re splitting the groups back up into rap, vocal, and performance teams.  Just when we had put that whole setup behind us.  I do not understand this show.  It made no sense to split the teams up like this in the very beginning, and it makes even less sense now.  All teams will be singing, rapping, and dancing, right?  And the same will be expected of the final group, right?  Then what are we even doing here?

Now our host tells us that fifth-ranked Bang Junhyuk is officially gone from the show due to personal reasons.  Not only that, but ninth-ranked Ji Jinseok has left as well, due to health issues.  At this rate, we won’t need to do a finale.  These trainees are dropping like flies, so just wait until we only have nine left and then debut them.

(BTW, Ji Jinseok will go on to do another survival show and then make his solo debut in June 2019.)

Ji Jinseok as a solo artist

On to the mission.  The rap team is up first.  Show maknae Lee Yechan is on this team.  We get the flashback of the team rehearsing, and the coach explains that the song they’re doing is great because it not only has great rap parts, it also has vocal parts and choreography.

You know, because it’s a K-pop song.

This show’s premise is just so fucking stupid.

They rehearse the song, practice their swag, and bring out a birthday cake for one of the coaches.

Now to D-Day.  Our rap team is ready to perform their rap, vocal, and choreography song.

It’s a wild performance, whipping the crowd into a frenzy and looking like a concert.

Next up is the vocal team.  When we start the flashback, Ji Jinseok is with them, but he’s standing against the wall and not participating.  He’s not looking well.  He’s been getting medical attention but not getting any better, so he tells the team he has to drop out.

We return to the D-Day performance with our smaller vocal team, and they sing a beautiful R&B ballad written by Crush.

They do a great job.  This show is really rushing these performances along, moving the team off the stage quickly so we can do the last song.  This is the performance team, which includes Bain and Wumuti.

All three teams gather onstage afterwards, and the episode just ends.  We have one last episode until the finale, which I just found out will be only two hours long.  Thank the K-pop gods.  I do need to give the show credit for that one thing.

Full steam ahead.  See you next episode!

[catch-me-hello]

Under Nineteen, Episode 11:  This is getting kind of depressing.

We’ve got some conflict coming up between the other teams getting ready to battle.  Also, Kai from EXO is stopping by, hopefully to ask why literal children are performing “Growl.”  Welcome to Episode Eleven!

First, let’s resolve the cliffhanger.  The votes from the Mirotic vs. Fake Love battle are in, and of course, Fake Love wins, 373-289.  I hate it for the Mirotic team, but that’s what happens when you go up against a BTS team, no matter how good you are.  I’ll leave it at that before ARMY blows up my car.

Bain is so sad in a confessional, and I just wish I could show him his future and tell him that other than his unnecessary appearance on Build Up, he’s going to be just fine.  Same with Wumuti, who looks completely discouraged. 

We have to keep going.  Our audience is excited for Round Two so they can vote for the wrong team again.  (Sorry, I’ll stop.)  Next up is Team Be Mine vs. Team Fiction. 

Of course, we’re starting with a flashback.  Team Be Mine is rehearsing.  This is the team with my Wild Idol favorite, Lee Jae Eok, who has not been getting a lot of screen time.

The vocals for this team are not a problem, but since not everyone on the team is fluent in Korean, learning the choreo is a bit tricky.  It looks like this show is not providing translators.  The shows I’ve been recapping usually don’t, which is frustrating when they make a big deal out of being inclusive to people from other countries. 

The ones who should not be having a problem with the choreo is Team Fiction.  We switch over to their rehearsal.  As I mentioned last time, this song has the most inane choreography I’ve ever seen.  I’m not sure it has enough movement to qualify as choreography.  Or even actual movement.  Every time I watch the video, I want to check the band members for a pulse. 

We switch back and forth between the two rehearsals, seeing the usual Flashback Formula problems.  Teams struggling to stay in sync.  Coaches criticizing how things are going.  We know the drill.

Our coaches, visibly thrilled with progress so far

Team Be Mine is having a very hard time with the choreo, since none of them are dancers.  I check my notes, and only two of these six teammates are from the performance team.  You’d think the rest of them would have picked up some dancing skills by now, but the setup of this show has never made much sense.

It also doesn’t help that two of the teammates, Kim Youngseok and Jung Taekhyun, both fourteen and the youngest on the team, start goofing off.  Soon all of them start getting punchy and rebellious from exhaustion.  Some members just walk out.  Team leader Kim Shihyun finally hits his limit and scolds them like a parent.  “I’m doing my best with my jaw clenched,” he snaps at them. 

He tells them they’re blowing their chance, but I think he’s overworking them.  They aren’t going to retain anything if they can’t rest.  These survival shows keep trying to convince us that nonstop practicing for hours and all through the night is a good thing.  It’s not.  It’s actually counterproductive to learning. 

Back to Team Fiction.  A coach walks in and demands to know why they aren’t practicing the choreo, and I can’t help laughing because they ARE practicing.  That’s how low-energy the steps are.  The coach thought they were just tired and shuffling around.

The trainees protest that they WERE practicing, and the coach says, “I don’t buy it.  Your faces are dry right now.”  Dude, even the original group couldn’t work up a sweat doing these steps.  Have you SEEN the music video?

They do a run-through for the coach, and the subtitles tell us, “A big portion of the dance involves standing up.”  Yes, we know.  We’re told the trainees are dancing like they lack energy, and I know I keep harping on this, but they’re dancing with the same energy as the original group in the music video.  I just can’t. 

The coach scolds the trainees, and this goes on for a while.  Thankfully, we cut to three days before D-Day.  Team Fiction is rehearsing, but Choi Sumin is missing.  They practice shuffling around without him.

Hours go by.  Night falls.  The group is still practicing and waiting for Sumin to show up.  Finally, he walks in and sits with them, not saying a word.

The others just stare at him.  He tells them he’s injured his right knee, and it’s very swollen.  He says he can’t participate in the mission.

His teammates are stunned.  I’m getting the impression this is the first they’re hearing of his injury.  (He wasn’t limping when he entered the room, and he doesn’t seem too upset about it.)  We’re now two days from D-Day, and the team has to re-do the entire song.  They offer a solution:  Sumin can skip the dancing and just come onstage to do his rap parts and then leave the stage.  He agrees, and they start rehearsing again.

I don’t know why, but I’m not buying this.  Something feels off.  Put a pin in this for now. 

We cut to their next evaluation.  The team explains to the dance coach what has happened.  I don’t speak Korean, but I agree 100% with the look on her face.

The first thing she asks is why this is happening again.  Wait a minute.  (checks notes)  She’s right.  This has happened before.  Back in Episode Seven, Sumin was on the “Her” rap team and dealing with a foot injury, so when he did the final performance, he did very little dancing and focused on his rap part.  They won their battle, but the rap team came in last in the mission, losing five team members in the eliminations.

I check the rest of my notes on Choi Sumin.  He entered the show bragging and arrogant, and the judges were hyping him up like he was the Korean version of Kendrick Lamar.  His ranking mission performance wasn’t very impressive, and he still got the top ranked spot.  On Judgement Day, he bombed and lost almost all his solo parts, and he still wound up ranking first on the rap team.  His low-energy and mistake-filled performances never matched his high rankings, and he always had a smirky attitude about it.  What exactly is going on with him?  Is he a nepo baby? 

The dance coach demands to know if the rest of the team is okay with this.  Her tone of voice clearly states that she, for one, is not.

The rest of the team doesn’t answer, so she asks Sumin directly.  And he looks her right in the eye and LIES TO HER.  He says that he told the team yesterday that he still wanted to be a part of the performance.  He’s making it sound like the rest of the team is pushing him out. 

That little shit.

He knows this is all being filmed, right?  As the rest of the team stares at him in shock, he tells the coach, “I think I can handle it.  That’s why I told them that I could do it.”

At first, I’m guessing that Sumin is the oldest one on the team, and that’s the reason the others aren’t contradicting him.  But no.  Teammate Ji Jinseok is two years older than him.  Why isn’t he speaking up?

The coach clearly isn’t buying this but decides to call his bluff.  Sumin is back in the performance, and the team now has to redo the entire thing AGAIN to accommodate him.  At this point, I went online and did some research on what is really happening here, and wow.  Keep that pin in it.  We will get to it.  For now, I want to see how this unfolds.

The dance coach leaves.  The studio is filled with awkward silence.  Then team leader Shin Chanbin, who’s a year younger than Sumin, speaks up.  “I think this situation is complete nonsense,” he says. 

He reminds Sumin that yesterday he was telling them he couldn’t do the performance at all.  He accuses him of lying to the instructor.  He is PISSED.

“There’s a reason, if you want to hear it,” Sumin responds, and his tone is petulant.  I’ve heard this kind of whining before, and I know exactly what he’s about to say.  He has to find a way to make it someone else’s fault.  Sure enough, he says, “You should have asked me yesterday, not now.” 

Chanbin is now shouting in anger, calling Sumin on his BS and demanding an apology.  “Stop making excuses!” he yells in frustration.  Sumin keeps making weaselly excuses, and Chanbin shuts him down, saying he doesn’t want to hear it.  He orders Sumin to keep his word and start practicing as hard as the rest of them.  Instead, Sumin storms out of the room.  (He’s still not limping.)

We cut to the dress rehearsal.  Team Fiction is up first, beginning with Sumin’s rap.  True to form, he forgets some of the lyrics.  He also doesn’t know any of the dance steps, despite this being the easiest routine in the history of choreography.  The others are unable to cover for him.  He doesn’t know any of this.

When their rehearsal ends, Sumin shrugs off his mistakes, and I can feel his team’s seething anger through my computer screen.  The coaches ask what is going on with this team.  No one responds. 

Backstage, Sumin’s teammates ignore him while he practices the rap parts and keeps forgetting the lyrics.  Chanbin stares straight ahead, biting his lips so hard, his mouth disappears.  Then he starts biting his finger hard enough to leave teeth marks.

When Sumin tries to get Sungho to re-do a part with him, the others walk away.  I don’t blame them.  They are fighting for a chance to debut, and their own teammate is sabotaging them. 

Flashback over.  Round Two of the Shuffle Mission begins, and Team Fiction is up first.  Ready or not, it’s showtime.

Right away, Sumin messes up his rap.  His knee appears to be just fine, though.  The team makes it through the performance, but they do not look happy.  Afterwards, they go backstage, not speaking to each other.  Sumin tells us in a confessional that he messed up the lyrics because he was focusing too hard on the dance.  That is not an excuse.

Team Be Mine is next.  Lee Jae Eok is on this team.  They take the stage and get into formation.

This was the team that had trouble with the choreo and was breaking down from exhaustion during rehearsals.  They also appear to be completely done with each other.  They rarely smile or even look happy to be up there.  They perform well but with no enthusiasm. 

The audience votes, seemingly oblivious to the problems right in front of them, or they don’t care.  They’re just screaming the names of the boys they like.  I’ve never seen an audience like this on any of the shows I’ve recapped.  Other audiences notice mistakes.  We can see them react.  Maybe this audience is being heavily edited to try to mask what’s happening onstage.  It’s really strange.

In the end, team Be Mine wins, 335-303.  I feel bad for Team Fiction, but Sumin needs to leave this show.  He’s dragged this team down and damaged their chances of debuting.  Again, I know what’s going to happen with him, so keep the pin in this for now.  According to what I’ve found online, he’ll be dealt with in the next episode.

We do get a really touching moment.  Min, our trainee from Thailand on the winning team, is so happy, he cries while his team hugs him.  Not only has he been working so hard on the performance, he’s been struggling with the language barrier, and his efforts have paid off.  This is the team camaraderie I wish I’d seen from them onstage.  Also Lee Jae Eok gets a win here, so it’s not all bad.

Let’s shake this off and get to the songs I really want to hear.  Round Three is Team Sherlock vs. Team Growl.  I’m trying really hard to put aside my discomfort over these very young trainees performing these beast idol songs.

Flashback time.  We watch Team Sherlock rehearsing.  They have a real chip on their shoulders because everyone else sees them as the easy team to beat.  The trainees on this team are mostly from the bottom ranks because the voters who organized the teams put all the top-ranked trainees together, and these are the leftovers.  However, this situation is giving them the motivation to work hard to win this thing. 

Cut to Team Growl’s rehearsal.  They’re excited and ready to stomp Team Sherlock into the ground.  Our team maknae, Suren, already knows the choreo and starts teaching the others.

Back to Team Sherlock.  They are completely out of sync.  This is not easy choreo.  It doesn’t help that American teammate Christian barely speaks Korean.  But we do get a really cool scene in which Christian and Oh Dahan communicate in a made-up language while mapping out the choreo on paper.

We then get a detour showing some of the trainees, including Wumuti, performing at the 2018 MBC Entertainment Awards.  This segment goes on for a while, and it’s interesting, but I’m ready to go back to the final battle round until suddenly, we get a special guest.  It’s Kai from EXO!

He’s here to cheer on our guys before their special MBC performance in front of the K-pop bigwigs.  As it happens, all seven members of Team Growl are here.  I’m glad to see Kai, and I love EXO, but this feels a bit unfair.  Team Sherlock is the group that really needs help and could use a visit from someone in SHINee.  Team Growl is doing fine.  They don’t need the extra advantage. 

Kai asks Team Growl to show them their progress, and they perform the song for him.  Kai is impressed and gives them a quick dance lesson.  He also reminds them to find the happiness in what they do.  He seems like a really nice guy.  Having written that, I have to nervously check online to see if he’s been involved in any horrible scandals, but thankfully no.  He gets criticism for dating and has faced some backlash for not boycotting Starbucks, but no actual crimes.  That’s a relief. 

Now Kai brings out a present for our trainees.  It’s corporate sponsorship!  Oh, Kai, you shouldn’t have!

He puts out a tray of Subway sandwiches and drinks.  It’s mukbang time, right before our trainees go out onstage in front of major corporate people to sing and dance!  They try to work into casual conversation how much they’re enjoying the different sandwiches and how it helps them to fuel up.  These poor guys are going to be belching their way through the performance.

Finally, we’re back to Round Three of the Shuffle Mission.  With all the focus on Team Growl, I’m pretty sure they’re going to win this, even though we get some manufactured drama about Kim Jungwoo having a sore throat.  It just feels like Team Sherlock is being set up to lose this.  It’s like the show has given up on them.

We get a glimmer of hope during the dress rehearsal.  Team Sherlock goes first, and I like that they’ve changed the opening whisper from “SHINee’s back” to “Nineteen’s back.”  The few seconds we get to see are pretty amazing.  There’s hope here.  Could we possibly get an underdog win? 

Let’s find out.  We cut to the final performance.  Nineteen’s back.  Let’s go.

Aaand five seconds in, Kim Youngwon loses his microphone.  He grabs it and has to hold it in his hand.

Okay.  Let’s assess.

It’s not bad.  It’s clumsy in places and wildly fun in others.  They clearly feel the spirit of the song.  Youngwon even manages to get his mic pack into his pocket about halfway through so his hands are free.  The vocals waver and falter in some places and roar in others.

These trainees are clearly not ready to debut, and I’ll be surprised if any of them win this show, but I did enjoy this performance.  Show maknae Lee Yeechan is the most promising in this group, but every protective instinct in me doesn’t want him to debut yet.  He’s too young. 

Team Sherlock leaves the stage, and Youngwon is beating himself up for the mic accident.  Honestly, I give a team points for being able to recover quickly from accidents that inevitably happen, and he did great.  He kept his cool and held on to the mic until he could discreetly slip it into his pocket.  He has nothing to be ashamed of. 

Now for Team Growl and Jungwoo’s (eye roll) sore throat.  Let’s do this.

It’s jarring to hear kids’ voices singing these mature lyrics, but other than that, it’s perfect.  The vocals, choreo, and expression are all perfect.  It’s not going to be fun to see them beat the lowest-ranked trainees, but then, this show was never set up fairly to begin with.

After the performance, Jungwoo cries backstage because he thinks his sore throat ruined everything.  I know the producers told him to do this, so I can’t be pissed off at him.  I’m pissed off at the producers for trying to manufacture drama in an already unfairly balanced battle.  We know this team is going to win.  Just have them sit and wait for the votes to be counted. 

The votes come in, and they rub salt right into the wound.  It’s a total landslide.  Team Growl wins, 454-174.  It’s an embarrassing loss for Team Sherlock, who never stood a chance in this battle.

Both teams hug it out, and the Shuffle Mission that had so much promise whimpers to an end.

All the teams gather onstage.  The next mission is announced.  It will be a Collaboration Mission with the coaches of this show.  We’ll get more details later.  The episode ends.

We have a LOT coming up as we enter the home stretch of this series.  In the three episodes left, we’ll have more rankings and eliminations.  We’ll also see what actions the show will take against Choi Sumin, and we’ll lose other trainees as well, for reasons other than the rankings.  And of course, we’ll have the live broadcast finale, with a runtime that will probably make the Lord of the Rings movies look like a TikTok video.  Bring your boxcutters, because we’ll have a lot to unpack.  See you then!

[catch-me-hello]

Under Nineteen, Episode 10:  Let’s do the Hobi Shuffle!

Exciting things will happen in this episode!  The Shuffle Mission will include some classic K-pop songs by BTS, EXO, and SHINee, among others.  And speaking of BTS, J-Hope is finally stopping by.  Let’s do this.  Welcome to Episode Ten!

We’re back at the training center.  Our host announces the Shuffle Mission.  We are finally going to mix the three groups instead of having them compete against each other.  FINALLY, we’re doing away with this dumb premise.  The trainees will be split up into six teams, and each team will perform a classic K-pop song. 

The six songs are:

“Fake Love” by BTS.  One of my favorite BTS songs.  A passionately angry song with difficult, ballet-inspired choreography.

“Growl” by EXO.  Survival shows pick this one all the time because it’s so much fun.  I love a good beast idol song.

“Sherlock” by SHINee.  One of the best K-pop songs ever written.  This is not my opinion – it’s fact.  I’m pretty sure South Korea’s Constitution states this clearly somewhere.

“Be Mine” by Infinite.  A fun dance/pop/disco song with sensual lyrics.

“Fiction” by BEAST.  Another survival show staple.  It’s an okay song with terrible choreography.  It’s great for people who can’t dance because you can’t really call it dancing.  You basically shuffle your feet with your hands in your pockets.  I’m not joking.  Here it is in the video.  If you can stand in one place without falling down, you can do this dance.

And finally, “Mirotic” by TVXQ.  I love how many beast idol songs are on this list.  Nothing too sweet and sugary.  I’m going to enjoy this mission.

Our trainees don’t get to pick their own teams.  The online voters have already done that.  Wow.  We’re giving a lot of power to the same people who ROBBED the performance team in the last mission, and no, I’m still NOT over it already.

Announcing the teams takes a while.  Lee Jae Eok is on Team Be Mine.  Christian and show maknae Lee Yechan are on Team Sherlock.  Wumuti and Bain are on Team Mirotic, but I would have loved to see them try “Sherlock” instead.  They both have the vocal power to pull that off.

We’ll be doing team battles again.  The trainees on the winning teams will get an extra 10,000 votes each.  Eliminations will be done by overall rankings instead of team rankings.  The bottom fifteen trainees will be eliminated, leaving us with twenty-five when this mission is over.

Rehearsal time.  We start with Team Mirotic.  They sit in the practice room and chat, getting to know each other.  Come on, guys, let’s move this along.  We have a celebrity guest to meet.  You do NOT want to piss off the BTS ARMY by keeping them waiting.

Now over to Team Fiction.  They’re all awkwardly quiet.  They have to pick a leader, but they all appear to be painfully shy introverts who can’t start a conversation.  I guess the camera crew gets tired of this, because we cut over to Team Be Mine, who are much better at this and already assigning parts.

Over to Team Sherlock.  They watch a live performance video of the song, and I get all tingly with excitement.  They’re worried that they aren’t sexy enough to pull off this song.  On one hand, they do have a point, because the lyrics are a little intense, and we have a twelve year-old on this team.  What were the voters thinking?

“I’m so curious, yeah!”

On the other hand, what I hear in this song is the explosion of joyful excitement from the music and the vocal power.  If this team can focus on that, they’ll be fine.  I hope.  (checking the English translation of the lyrics) Um, well, we have lines that translate to “from your shaky breathing, I don’t miss a thing” and “this long night explodes like fireworks, baby.”   Yeah, someone from child welfare needs to intervene.

Over to Team Growl.  Now THIS is a sexy concept song.  They also young people on this team, including thirteen year-old Suren.  This is going to be an uncomfortable watch, isn’t it?

“I'm growling, growling, growling!”

Let’s pretend we’re not seeing this and run over to Team Fake Love.  Everyone else is scared of this team, calling them the Avenger team, since they have the top-ranked trainees.  They love their song assignment and can’t wait to get started.  As they work on the choreo, the door suddenly opens, and we have the moment BTS fans have been waiting for.  J-Hope has arrived!

The show plays us some BTS video clips, as if we really need to be told who this guy is.  As I write this, all the members have completed their military service, and my Instagram and Twitter feeds have been clogged with hysterical fan posts demanding to know when the comeback will start.

J-Hope brings them a huge bag of snacks, and our star-struck team explains the new mission to him.  They’re concerned with the difficulty of the choreo, and J-Hope says it’s still challenging for BTS to do live.  He asks to see what they’ve got so far.

They’re very nervous, but they do the choreo, and J-Hope is impressed.  He compliments them on their energy and how quickly they’ve learned it, and our team almost melts into the floor.

Whether or not these trainees get to debut, they’ll be able to say they did the Fake Love choreo with J-Hope, who says he will monitor and support them throughout the mission.  This is really sweet.  I hope BTS has an amazing comeback. 

Next up, our trainees spin a roulette wheel to determine the team matchups:

Be Mine vs. Fiction Mirotic vs. Fake Love Growl vs. Sherlock

Now we jump ahead to D-Day.  I’m excited for this.  A new stage has been built.  The fans are here.  Let’s goooooo!

We’re starting with Mirotic vs. Fake Love.  As much as I love the BTS song, I have to pull for Wumuti and Bain on the Mirotic team. 

And of course, we get pulled into a flashback of the Mirotic team rehearsing.  I skim through it, and one interesting thing happens.  They have some amazing singers on this team who were originally on the rap and performance teams.  The former vocal team members are amazed and ask them how they didn’t wind up on the vocal team.  Excellent question!  It’s because this show forced everyone into categories that didn’t make sense!  Thanks for asking!

Back to D-Day.  Mirotic is up first.

This is smoking hot.  It’s one of the sexiest performances I’ve seen on all the shows I’ve recapped.  Bain is the standout.  He looks like a K-pop god on that stage.  All of them hit those high notes beautifully, especially Wumuti.  I just love this.

Next up is Team Fake Love.  We see them warming up backstage, but thankfully we don’t get another flashback, since we spent so much time with them meeting J-Hope.  Let’s do this.

They’re really good.  Their dancing is impressive.  They just don’t have the vocal power of the Mirotic team.  The girls are losing their minds, and it’s a BTS song, so the BTS team will probably win.  But overall, Mirotic was better.

Both teams take the stage, and the audience votes with those little mini-calculator things.  We end on a cliffhanger.  The voters are going to let me down again next episode, aren’t them?

(sigh) See you then.

[catch-me-hello]

Under Nineteen, Episode 9:  Merry Christmas!  You’re eliminated!

We are back for the episode that aired after the Christmas break in 2018.  We’re going to see some holiday festivity as well as the new rankings that will eliminate nine trainees.  Getting kicked off a survival show is an interesting way to start the new year.  Here we go with Episode Nine!

Our boys decorate a Christmas tree in the training center.  They take pictures and write messages to their fans.  The stage is decorated for the holidays as well.

The set design on this show is usually very bright and loud, so I’m happy to see this simple, pretty setup.  We have three guest emcees:  Shindong and Leeteuk from Super Junior and Yerin from GFRIEND. 

So it looks like the first half of this episode will consist of a holiday party with the trainees before giving nine of them the boot.

Okay, that was fun.  Now on to the new rankings.  The vocal team is safe, so they’ll just be learning their new rankings.  Of note:

Lee Jae Eok, my Wild Idol fave, drops from 9th to 16th place.  If the vocal team weren’t in first place, he’d be eliminated. 

Jung Jinsung, our stunning visual, drops from first place to fourth, which is still a good showing.

Yoon Taekyung, who started this series ranked at the very bottom, has been moving up in the rankings and is now Number One for the vocal team.

Lee Jae Eok, Jung Jinsung, and Yoon Taekyung

Now for the performance team.  This is going to hurt the most.  I don’t want anyone eliminated from this team.  They were robbed, and now they will lose four trainees.

Here we go.

Suren falls hard.  He ranked fourth last time and now drops to twelfth place.  I have no idea why.  He did a great job in the last battle with a memorable vocal part.

Christian from Vegas moves up from 18th to 11th place.

Oh Dahan leaps from 17th to 9th place.

Bain stays in eighth place.  I love this kid.

Wumuti stays in first place for the performance team.  I love this kid, too.

Suren, Christian, Oh Dahan, Bain, and Wumuti

And now for our four eliminated trainees.

Jung Wonbeom.  He’s been at the bottom of the rankings all this time, so it’s not a surprise.

Kim Kangmin.  He hasn’t really stood out much or ranked very high.

Koseuke.  Our Japanese trainee is headed over to Asia Super Young after this.

Jung Wonbeom, Eddie, Koseuke, and Kim Kangmin

Eddie.  This one really hurts.  I knew he wouldn’t make it, but I’m happy to report that he’s still active in the industry.  He’s the founder and leader of an American-based K-pop co-ed project group called Lalary.  They debuted after a very successful Kickstarter project that went above its goal of $6500.  Keep being you, Eddie.

Eddie and Lalary

Now for our rap group.  They will be losing five trainees.  That means only nine of them will survive. 

Lee Yechan, our show maknae, drops from third to seventh place.  Losing the team leader position has cost him, but he’s still hanging in there.

Yoo Yongha, whose voice I fell in love with in the first episode, has jumped from 11th to 6th place.

Kim Sungho jumps to first place from fourth.  He has had a rough time on this show, first suffering an injury, then losing almost his entire solo part on Judgement Day, and then trying and failing to steal Lee Yechan’s part.  He’s clawed his way up to the Number One podium.

Lee Yechan, Yoo Yongha, and Kim Sungho

Now for our five eliminated trainees.

Jang Rui.  Our loud, swaggering bull in a china shop will next appear on Wild Idol and SCOOL.

Jung Hyunjun.  Our gospel rapper from the Ukraine.  He will presumably go from here back to Korea University to finish getting his business admin degree.

Kim Yejun.  He’ll go on to do two more survival shows and will debut with URSA MAJOR.

Ku Hanseo.  He’ll go from here to the survival show Universe League.

Nam Dohyon.  This thirteen year-old is about to have a VERY wild journey.  He will go on to win Produce X 101 and debut, but the group will be disbanded due to the Mnet vote manipulation scandal.  Then he’ll join another group and successfully sue them to get out of his contract.  He currently goes by the name Toni Rei, has been in several groups, and made his solo debut in September 2024.

Well, that was an emotional roller coaster of an episode.  With only nine members left on the rap team, I can’t wait to see how they hold their own against vocal and performance.

The votes and rankings are now re-set again.  Next time, we’ll be doing something called a Shuffle Mission.  See you then!

[catch-me-hello]

Under Nineteen, Episode 8:  The maknaes get robbed

We left off with a triumphant rap team and a crying maknae.  We’re picking up with Round Two of the battle mission, including what I really can’t wait to see, the performance of EXO’s “Love Me Right.”  Welcome to Episode Eight!

In fact, the vocal EXO team will be performing first.  They’re under a lot of pressure to get their team out of third place.  I’m excited, not just for the song, but because my Wild Idol fave Lee Jae Eok is on this team.

But of course, we’re starting with a flashback to the week prior.  It’s the interim eval.  It goes terribly, and I’m calling BS.  The Flashback Formula has gone too far.  They’re ALL off-key, and this is the vocal team.  Their dancing is completely off the beat.  It’s impossible for them to be this bad.

The coaches read them the riot act.  Honestly, I think this team deserves an Academy Award for pulling off a performance this bad.  We learn that the youngest member of this team, fourteen year-old Bae Hyeonjun,  is also the leader.  Either K-pop shows need to stop putting team maknaes in charge, or there needs to be an overall rule that all social rules of respect are suspended once filming starts. 

The coaches make a decision I find frustrating.  Instead of telling the older members to get over themselves and listen to their leader no matter how young he is, they decide to choose a new leader.  They choose sixteen year-old Shin Yechan.  I really hate this.  Are they going to do the same thing to the maknae over on the rap team?

I know it’s easy for a Westerner like me to criticize Korean social norms, but look what this is doing to the trainees.  Hyeonjun leaves the room after the assessment and cries.  I hope his teammates feel terrible.

The coaches also rearrange the vocal parts, and when the team sings again, magically, they have all improved.

I know the Flashback Formula is locked into all these survival shows, but I wish they’d get more creative with it.  Have a team come into the midpoint eval with an emotional support giraffe on a leash, refusing to sing without it.  Have a team submit a huge budget request so they can parachute onto the stage from a blimp.  Have the maknaes bring attorneys to sue the coaches to get their leadership positions back.  Anything to switch it up.

Our vocal team goes back to rehearsal.  Yoon Taekyung starts coughing and feeling dizzy.  He winds up going to the hospital and is told to save his voice for the final performance.  The rest of the team is also feeling run down, which doesn’t surprise me.  These survival shows are incredibly stressful. The trainees rehearse nonstop.  This can’t be good for them.  but we know it will turn out okay because it always does.

Flashback over.  Let’s see how they do.

They do really well.  I’d rank it second after the Boys Planet version with Jay Chang and Wumuti.  The vocals are strong.  The dancing is a bit low-energy, and I don’t know whose idea it was to put them in such bland outfits for such a dynamic pop song.  But overall, it’s an impressive performance.

The vocal team returns triumphantly to their waiting room and starts celebrating.  I’d hold off if I were them.  The performance team was celebrating like this last time and got a rude awakening when they came in second.

Next up is Rap Team Boss, with the show’s maknae, Lee Yechan.  Already, they deserve an award for best costumes. 

Interestingly, the maknae is no longer the leader.  It’s Yoo Yongha.  We get a flashback, and we know the drill.  The midpoint eval goes terribly.  The coaches scold them and change the team leader.  It’s a hard blow for Yechan at such a young age.  The team goes back into rehearsal, argues over part assignments, and deals with the usual conflicts.  Nothing too exciting.  Let’s skip ahead to showtime.

I enjoyed this group more than the vocal team.  They have more expression and energy, as well as surprising moments with gymnastic moves.  They could beat the vocal team again.  Of course, we’re still dealing with teenage girls voting for the cutest guys, so who knows?  I’m still digesting my cell phone after my last predictions.

Now for the performance team Shangri-La.  Wumuti’s in this group.  Right away, I’m giving them second place for costumes.

We get a flashback.  Ravi and Ken from VIXX, the original performers of this song, stop by to review their progress.  They’re impressed.  No major conflicts, probably because the show’s producers realize this episode is running out of time.  The flashback ends, and it’s time for the final performance of this mission.

It’s an absolutely stunning performance.  Best of the three.  It’s dramatic, cool, and sensual.  It looks like a real idol performance.  I know how I’d vote, but again, I don’t know which way this audience will go and how many of the 700 won’t vote for some reason.

Vocals came in first for Round Two, followed by Performance, then Rap.  The two rounds are added together, and it’s incredibly close.

Vocal:  455 Performance:  450 Rap:  437

The performance team was robbed again.  This time, 31 out of the 700 didn’t vote. 

The rap team is devastated.  Next time, we’ll see them and the performance team lose members.  Should be a total bummer.  See you then!

[catch-me-hello]

Under Nineteen, Episode 7:  Election Shocker

Our teams have been rehearsing for their next mission, and suddenly our vocal and rap teams have lost members to eliminations.  Survival shows do this a lot, waiting until teams are already formed and rehearsing before yanking teammates away.  Let’s see how these teams handle it.  Welcome to Episode Seven!

We open on D-Day for the next mission.  Our trainees are in hair and makeup.  So I’m guessing this will be another episode told in flashbacks.  But first, product placement!  For those of you who don’t watch K-dramas, Subway is VERY popular in Korea.  I’m not even sure why they need to advertise on this show.

We’re getting a full-on mukbang segment here.  Subway is getting its money’s worth.

Next up, dress rehearsal.  Our boys head for the stage.  We see a few seconds of preview clips.  These battles are going to be fun to watch.  We get a long segment where the coaches decide on the order of the performances.  Then the fans show up.  I love the fans.

First up is our BTS vocal team.  They are a much smaller team since the eliminations.  They get into formation, the crowd is cheering … and off we go into a flashback.

Our smaller team is trying to rehearse and re-do the arrangements they had written before the eliminations.  They’re out of tune.  All three eliminated trainees from the vocal team came from this group.  To show how sad they are, the show dresses them in gray sweatshirts and puts a dimming filter over the lens, making it look like they’re sitting in a basement during a brownout. 

I just noticed that Jinseok dyed his hair again.  That’s three dye jobs so far, and we’re barely halfway through the series.  He’s not the only one I see constantly changing his hair color.  These kids will be bald by thirty.

We cut to the EXO Love Me Right team, and I’m pulling for them because I really love this song.  The BTS team shows up and asks for feedback on their performance, and suddenly they’re great now.  Funny how that keeps happening.  The entire vocal team is ready to win this mission. 

Flashback over.  Team BTS is ready to go.

There are problems.  Jeon Chanbin’s voice cracks in the beginning.  The dancing is a bit clumsy.  But overall, not bad.  I think they would have done a lot better with their three eliminated trainees.  Backstage, the team knows they didn’t do well, and Chanbin feels terrible.

Next up, the rap team’s version of “Her.”  They take the stage, which means it’s flashback time.

We cut to three days prior.  This team has dropped from ten to six members after the eliminations, so the practice room feels emptier.  They have to start over again.  To make it worse, Choi Sumin is dealing with a foot injury. We cut over to the performance team rehearsing the same song, and they’re doing better because of course they are.  They’re also having more fun because they’re able to bond as teammates without any eliminations.

The performance team has their interim eval.  They’re amazing.  Again, the performance team has had the advantage this entire series because of the way this show has been set up.  I’m still betting that they’ll be the top team again this round.

Back to the rap team.  They’re still struggling.  Our troublemaker, Kim Sungho, can’t hide his bad dancing in the back anymore, so he’s on full display.  I don’t understand how he ranked as high as fourth place.

With that, we end the flashback.  Time to see the rap team’s performance of “Her.”

It’s not bad.  The rapping is impressive, but the dancing is very low energy.  Plus, I’ve already seen the performance team’s rehearsal, and they’ve set the bar incredibly high.  But considering what this team went through after the eliminations, it’s not a bad showing.

As it happens, the performance team’s version of “Her” is up next, so the audience can judge the two versions back to back.  And right away, it looks more exciting and high energy to have ten members onstage.  And we’re jumping right into the performance without a flashback!  Thank the K-pop gods!  Let’s do this!

I’m calling it.  They’ve won.  Just put them all in the final group and call it a day.  It was wild, fun, exciting, funny, and executed perfectly.

And it is completely rigged.  Because the rap and vocal teams had a huge disadvantage coming onto this show, the performance team was going to win first place in the first mission.  The rap and vocal teams would lose members, putting them at more of a disadvantage, so they’d never be able to compete with the performance team in subsequent missions. 

When this is over, I’ll be very interested to see how many members of 1THE9 come from the performance team.  I’m predicting at least six.

Round One is finished, and the audience votes for their favorite team.  I don’t know why they’re bothering.  It’s like a vote between a Monsta X performance and my rendition of “Baby Shark” on my recorder from elementary school.  The performance team has it, or I will eat my phone.

The votes are in.

The rap team wins.

Out of 200 audience members, 27 didn’t vote.  Rap beat Performance by 13 votes, and vocal came in a distant third.  I am completely and absolutely flabbergasted. 

The audience wasn’t voting for the best performance.  They were voting for the cutest boys.  I forgot to factor in that teenage girls were voting.

We’re not done yet.  There’s still Round Two, and the winning team will be decided by a total of both votes. 

On the performance team, Bain is stunned and upset.  I’m right there with you, my guy.

We still have ten minutes left.  The Round Two rap team is doing “Boss,” and we’re getting a flashback to close out the episode.

This is the maknae’s team, and he’s the leader.  The other teammates tell us in confessionals this is a bad idea, because Lee Yechan is too young to lead a team.

The meeting starts, and everyone else is making the decisions, talking over Yechan, ignoring him.  Yechan finally speaks up and says he disagrees with all their ideas and wants to keep the song the way it is.  If this were America, the others would be stuffing him into a locker and moving on.

The thing is, the others are right.  On these survival shows, you have to adapt the songs to your team and make them your own.  On my K-pop workout playlist, there’s a reason I have both the original version of SHINee’s “Sherlock” and the version from Wild Idol.  They’re both amazing.  The Wild Idol contestants changed the music to fit their team’s vocal talents while still respecting the original. 

Yechan’s team is not happy.  His team wants to write some original rap lyrics.  He’s saying no.

The music director arrives and knows right away there’s a conflict.  He has them do a run-through, and per Yechan’s instructions, they do a straight cover.  The director tells them it’s a bad idea.  “You’re just copying,” he tells them.

He leaves.  Feeling vindicated, the rest of the group starts planning to adapt the song to their team.  Yechan has lost face with this team, and they’ve barely gotten started.  As the episode ends, he’s in tears.

There’s conflict and possible mutiny on the horizon.  See you next time.  I have to go sauté my phone. 

[catch-me-hello]

Under Nineteen, Episode 6:  Goodbyes, Round 1

I’m still obsessed with those dolls.  The show wouldn’t just throw them away, would they?  Are they in storage somewhere?  Will we see them again on the show?  Oh yeah – welcome to Episode Six!

Here’s a surprise – we’re opening with the first round of eliminations we were supposed to have after the last mission.  Eight will be eliminated.  The performance team is safe.

The vocal team has placed second.  I totally called it.  So they are only losing three members. 

The rap team is devastated, but they can’t be too surprised. 

The eliminated trainees will be the lowest-ranked ones.  So I’m thinking this will be quick, since they’ve already been ranked in the first two episodes.  But no, we’re announcing new rankings.  Oh, good grief.  Settle in, folks.  We’re starting with the performance team, since they aren’t losing everyone.  I won’t list them all – just some highlights.

Eddie, who was the top-ranked trainee, has dropped to 16th place.

Bain falls two spots to 8th place. 

Eddie and Bain

The good news is Wumuti.  He is the new top-ranked trainee on the performance team.  He just looks exhausted at the announcement and sinks to the floor.  He recovers and gives a very gracious thank-you speech before taking his spot on the platform.

Okay, now we’re going to find out the rankings for the vocal team, right?  NOPE!  We’re yanked right into a flashback, one week before these rankings. 

The BTS vocal team is working hard on their song.  If you’ll remember, team leader Jung Jinsung had to stop Kim Bin from hijacking the team, and the music director did not like Kim Bin’s arrangement of the song.  Now Jinsung is determined to get everyone back on track.  He’s more assertive.  I like seeing him take control back.

This team starts creating some choreography, and I can see this performance really coming together.  Then we jump ahead, and it’s time for an interim evaluation.  Our BTS team gets into formation in front of the coaches.

This show is really telegraphing that Jay Chang is not going to win on this show.  Other than his initial ranking and his audition with Kim Bin in the last episode, he’s being cut out of every shot.  When we get a full shot of the group doing their midpoint eval, Jay is the only one out of frame.  It’s frustrating to watch.  I’m taking consolation in the fact that Jay and his group One Pact just kicked off their European tour.  As I write this, they’re in Amsterdam. 

Back to our BTS team.  Ji Jinseok gets high praise from the coaches.  After seeing him crash and burn on Judgement Day in Episode 3, when he lost every lead part to sixteen other challengers, I love seeing him back on top.

In fact, the judges decide that Jinseok needs more solo parts.  Jinseok tries to explain that his teammates were better at other parts of the song, and he wants the parts divided equally.  But the coaches insist on hearing him sing the whole chorus.  He sings it so well, the coaches assign him more parts, taking a major part away from Jeon Chanbin. 

More bad news.  The team is reminded that some of them will be eliminated before the performance.  Well,  these coaches are a total bummer.  Great eval, everyone!

That’s our cue to end the flashback and return to the new rankings.  The bottom three will be eliminated, so of course, they will be announced last.  Of note:

Lee Jae Eok ranks ninth, rising from twelfth place.  He’s the Cadet from Wild Idol, the reason I started recapping this show, and we’ve barely seen him so far.  He won a Judgement Day challenge in Episode Three.  Hopefully, we’ll see more of him going forward.

Jay Chang is eliminated.  I knew it was coming, but it still hurts to watch.  He looks crushed, but then he turns to comfort his fellow eliminated trainees, Kim Bin and Yoon Doyeon.  That’s our Jersey boy.

Jay tells the rest of his team, “Keep working hard.  I know I will.”  Yes, he sure will.

Kim Bin apologizes to his BTS team for being so hard to get along with.  I wish I had good news about him, but all I can find online is that he’s still a trainee.  He hasn’t been on any other shows or had a debut.

Now it’s time for the rap team rankings.  Five will be eliminated.  And, of course, we get a flashback to the week before.  The performance and rap teams are determined to outdo each other with the song they’re both doing, “Her” by Block B.  They’re not even battling each other.  They just want to outshine the other team.  We get a lot of trash talk.

The Block B rap team has a very intense, fired-up meeting.  They have an advantage in that they are all fluent in Korean, while many on the performance team still struggle with it.  So the rap team works on rewriting some of the lyrics to help their team stand out.

The music director arrives to hear their progress.  They do the song for him.  He is not impressed.  He tells them he’s already heard the performance team’s version, and it’s much better.

As the rap team works to make the song better, Block B themselves stop by to help.

They are sorely needed.  Our team makes a lot of mistakes in their performance.  They are so out of sync that Block B isn’t sure what they’re looking at.  They are kind in their feedback but warn them that they’re already facing eliminations and will face a lot more if they don’t get their act together.

The rap team leaves to go work some more, and the performance team enters to show their idols their progress.  Before they even start, Block B is impressed with their energy and team spirit.  The performance is even better.  The idols firmly believe the performance team will give a better performance of their song. 

This is Vegas-born Christian’s first time rapping in Korean, so he does it again, solo, for their feedback.  The idols praise his pronunciation.  The rap group may not have the language advantage they think they have.

Now for the midpoint eval in front of the coaches, and I’m wondering if there will be enough time left in the episode to see the rap rankings.  This show has a serious pacing problem.

The rap team has clearly improved.  They are ready for the final battle.  They can even dance professionally now, which I find rather hard to believe.  They’ve gone from having no ability to dance to looking like actual K-pop idols.  The Flashback Formula is an amazing thing. 

Okay, we are finally back to the rankings.  We have about fifteen minutes left.  Highlights:

Kim Sungho, who injured himself during dress rehearsal, anguished over self-doubt, and then tried to steal maknae Lee Yechan’s part, jumps to fourth place.  However, Yechan ranks above him in third place.

Sungho is surprisingly flippant in his response to his ranking.  I think he fully expected to be eliminated and is pretty much fed up with this show.   I’ve watched enough of these shows to know how much of a bow is expected when you are grateful, and he gives almost none of it.  He walks up to the stage and gives a sort-of bow while in the process of turning around toward the platform.  It’s just rude enough that our host locks eyes with the producers in thinly-disguised disapproval.  She stops just short of an eye roll.

Choi Sumin, who has bombed in almost every performance on this show, wins the top spot again.  I don’t know how.  The fans must love him.

When the dust settles, Lee Minwoo is one of the eliminated.  He’s the one whose jackass idol dad insisted he practice ten hours a day.  Unfortunately, I don’t see a happy ending for him either.  He hasn’t debuted or been on any other shows.  The only impression I got about him is that he is a very angry young man with serious resentment toward his dad.  Wherever he is right now, I hope he’s been able to let go.  As someone with my own share of difficult relatives, I’ve learned to find peace in wishing them well and walking away.  I hope that’s what he's done.

We get tears and goodbyes.  We’re reminded that nine more trainees will be eliminated after the next mission.  The episode ends on a sad note.  I’d like to make this a more upbeat ending by providing some pictures of Jay Chang with his current One Pact bandmate and partner in crime, Tag.  See you next episode!

[catch-me-hello]

Under Nineteen, Episode 5:  Someone check the vents.

We ended Episode 4 with Kim Sungho injured backstage at dress rehearsal, so let’s get right back to it and see how he’s doing.

Apparently, he’s fine, because the show has forgotten all about it.  We open on Judgement Day for the rap team.  I guess Sungho’s trip to the hospital is somewhere on the cutting room floor. 

Time for the challenges.  It’s Sungho’s turn, and he’s looking perfectly fine, like nothing happened.  Was he replaced with a clone?  Nobody is saying anything about the serious injury at dress rehearsal.  Anyway, he has five people gunning for his spot.  In a confessional, he tells us (you’re gonna love this) that he’s nervous because his part is a singing part in this rap song, and he’s TONE DEAF.

I can’t.  I absolutely cannot with this show.

Sungho tries to defend his part, but he can’t stay on key.  In a confessional, he looks so sad and says, “I don’t think I belong on this show at all.”  That sound you hear is me stress-eating an entire bag of Oreos.  That’s okay that I tore the re-sealable part.  I won’t be needing it.

Sungho tells us he’s trying his best to fit in, but he’s having to sing and dance, which he’s never had to do before, and he’s frustrated because he can’t sing and dance well.  If this were just regular life, I’d tell him not to worry about it, but he’s on a television show that will determine his future.  He was allowed onto this show under false pretenses.

The result of the challenges isn’t all bad.  Sungho manages to hold on to some of his lines.  This doesn’t lift his spirits.  He still feels like he doesn’t deserve to be here, and that he’s stealing a spot from more deserving trainees.  Wait, does Sungho’s injury happen later, after this part?  Does he deliberately hurt himself in an attempt to get off this show with some dignity?

Now it’s time for our maknae to get challenged.  Fourth-ranked Lee Yechan closes his eyes and holds a teammate’s hand while he waits to hear who’s coming for his spot.  Everyone is shocked when it turns out he only has one challenger.  I wonder if it’s because most of his teammates don’t want to look bad on television by taking a spot from a baby-faced twelve year-old.

Let’s see who the challenger is.

Are you KIDDING me.

It’s Sungho.  The one who just told us he felt that his very existence on this show was stealing a spot from more deserving trainees.  I am genuinely stunned.  I drop my Oreos. We hear the voicemail Sungho leaves Yechan, and this seventeen year-old says in a message to the twelve year-old, “I’ll show you what it’s like to be attacked with rap, Yechan.  I’ll teach you a lesson, punk.”

The other trainees, including Yechan, laugh as they hear the message, and one of them says, “That’s child abuse!”  I know he’s kidding, but that is kind of how it feels.

Sungho tells us in a confessional, “If I steal parts, I’ll be reprimanded for stealing from a little kid.  And if I can’t, I’ll be made fun of for not being able to.”  He’s right.  So what exactly is his end game here?  Why is he doing this?

The two battle, and they are both great rappers.  Sungho is finally able to show off his real rap talent, which I guess is why he issued this challenge.  I feel very uneasy.  Is he really going to succeed in stealing Yechan’s part?

He is not.  Yechan keeps his part.  But man, that was tense.  And I’m done feeling sorry for Sungho.

Now for top-ranked Choi Soomin.  He has six challengers. 

They all sound pretty good, but he still stands a chance of beating them.  Until he gets rattled and starts forgetting the lyrics.  Why does this keep happening?  Then he forgets an entire verse and just waits for it to end before picking up the next part.  He did this in Episode 3, too.  You’d think he would have focused on memorizing the lyrics so it wouldn’t happen again.  He’s not good under pressure.  In the end, he loses almost all his parts.

Judgement Day ends, and we cut to two days before the final performance.  They’re back in rehearsals.  Everyone still sucks at dancing.  With only two days left and no clue how to dance, they decide to practice the lyrics again, because this show makes no sense.  And wouldn’t you know it, they’re STILL forgetting the lyrics.

The coaches are frustrated.  The entire team is missing cues, forgetting lines, and singing each other’s parts.  Trainees who had to battle for the solo parts they now have are forgetting them.

The coaches scold the team, and even I have to agree with them this time.

Then we learn that this team hasn’t been practicing together.  They’ve only been learning their own parts.  Wait, what?  How is that possible?  Aren’t the coaches supposed to be leading the full group practices?  Why aren’t they doing that?  Is everyone in the rap building taking regular blows to the head?  Is the show pumping nitrous oxide through the vents?  What is wrong with these people?

Team morale has flatlined.  They’re all just hoping they won’t be the ones eliminated when the team loses. 

Someone finally gets the genius idea to teach them the choreography.  Two days before the final performance.  Sure, why not?  They start dancing, and they’re all out of sync and bumping into each other.  They can’t figure out their formation.  Great job, coaches.  I’m pinning this on you.

The coaches, in turn, are pinning it on the trainees, scolding them for not being able to dance, when they are rappers who weren’t told they had to dance, and you JUST NOW started teaching them to dance.  “Stop wasting my time,” a coach tells them, after having spent several days wasting theirs.  I hate this.

The team practices late into the night, which I know isn’t helping.  At some point, the brain gets too fuzzy to focus, even without the nitrous.  They need to get some sleep.  I’m watching them turn into zombies as they keep doing the routine over and over.

Suddenly, we cut to D-Day.  Let me guess.  Everything is going to go perfectly.

Okay, not perfectly.  Their dancing is awkward and a little clumsy, but at least they don’t embarrass themselves.  And these performances are finally over.  My prediction is that the performance team will win first place, vocals second, and rap third. 

All three teams take the stage.  The votes are counted.  First place is the performance team.  They are all safe from elimination.

Right away, we start seeing the tears we saw way back in Episode Two.

The remaining two teams will face eliminations, and even though they don’t know the extent of the damage yet, they can’t help crying.  I’m sure it doesn’t help that they’re all so young and exhausted.  The coaches tell the teams not to blame themselves, which is rich coming from coaches who have done nothing but scold these kids for two solid weeks.

The results are then moved to the training center, because these shows rarely announce bad news in front of the audience.  But instead of learning which teams are in second and third place, we’re finding out which trainees got the most votes for popularity.  I’m not sure why we’re getting this information, unless the most popular trainees are safe from being eliminated.

On the performance team, the most popular are Kim Shihyun and Lee Seunghwan. 

On the vocal team, it’s stunning visual Jung Jinsung and … Bae Hyeonjun.  I’m checking my notes.  He has not stood out at all so far.  The other trainees look as surprised as I am.  So does he.  Well, good for him!

Let’s keep it moving.  On to the rap team.  My money’s on the maknae.  They are Choi Sumin and, of course, maknae Lee Yechan.  No one is surprised at that one.

Kim Shihyun, Lee Seunghwan, Jung Jinsung, Bae Hyeonjun, Choi Sumin, and Lee Yechan

Now to find out which teams won second and third place, right?  Wrong!  Because this show is clearly drunk!  Instead, the trainees are being told what the second mission will be, even though according to this show’s own rules, some of them are supposed to be eliminated by then!  Doesn’t that make all KINDS of sense?  I open a second bag of Oreos.

The next mission will be called the Position Competition.  The trainees will choose from thirty K-pop song selections and do battle.  We don’t get any other details, but the trainees seem happy, so yay for them.  Can we please find out about the second and third place teams now?

Nope!  The trainees start discussing song choices with their teams.  This show is exhausting. 

The host gives them more news.  Trainees will be eliminated in this new mission as well.  Honestly, if I were a trainee on this show, I’d breathe easy.  They said trainees would be eliminated in the last mission, and everyone’s still here.  This show is a tad forgetful.  Fun Fact:  Long-term exposure to nitrous oxide can cause memory loss.

The voting will be the same as before.  The first place team will be safe from elimination.  Four trainees will be eliminated from the second place team, and five from the last place team.  Eventually.  Maybe.  Who knows?

Each team will be divided into two groups.  I guess the groups will battle each other.  Now the teams just need to pick the two songs they want.  The rap team meets in a poorly-lit corner, because again, no one on this crew knows how to operate a camera.

Also, this rap team needs to choose two songs that are easy to dance to, since they’re still expected to dance.

Here are the songs chosen:

Vocal Team:  “Love Me Right” by EXO.  Good.  Not only do I love that song, but it will give Jay Chang a chance to practice before he sings it on Boys Planet.  Also, “I Need U” by BTS.  I assume this is the setup for J-hope showing up on this show later on.

Performance Team:  “Shangri-La” by VIXX and “Her” by Block B.  Both songs have challenging choreography, so I assume this team will win again.  And I just noticed Wumuti’s new hair.

Now for our beleaguered Rap Team.  They get “Boss” by NCT U and … “Her” by Block B.  We’re getting this song twice?  They had a bunch of songs to choose from.  Did the teams not have to clear the songs with the producers, or did the producers just forget again?

The leaders for each team are the ones who were chosen most popular by the audience.  That’s interesting, because one of them is the maknae.  We’ve seen this happen on other shows.  Young people in Korea are supposed to show respect and deference to those older than them, which gets super awkward when the youngest is put in charge of a team.  There’s a reason Koreans include their birth year when they’re introducing themselves to someone new.

The leaders sit at a tables in separate rooms and choose their teams with actual dolls in the likeness of each trainee.  I am obsessed with these dolls. 

On the one hand, they’re a little creepy, but on the other hand, I’m dying to see what the dolls for some of these members look like.  What a strange thing for this show to do.  Fun Fact:  Prolonged exposure to nitrous oxide can lead to bizarre or inappropriate actions.

Take a look at maknae Lee Yechan’s doll, closest to him in this picture.  It’s just as tall as the others.

And I swear this one is Jay.  (BTW, he’s not on the EXO team.  He’s doing the BTS song.)

I have so many questions.  Do the guys get to keep their dolls?  Where are the dolls now?  Whose idea was this?  These dolls, so far, are the most fascinating thing I have seen on this show.

The teams get together and start putting together ideas for their performances.  Right away, there’s conflict, as the older members hijack the group meetings.  Kim Bin, who is older than leader Jin Sung, is taking over the BTS group.  He’s the only one with experience in arranging songs and is using that to his advantage.  Jin Sung doesn’t have the confidence to speak up for himself.  The rest of the team is getting very uncomfortable.

Kim Bin and Jin Sung

It reaches a point where Kim Bin goes too far.  He takes Jin Sung aside and murmurs, “You know the ad-lib part after the first verse?  Jay Chang is good, but I feel like he’ll mess it up.  I think he’ll spoil the vibe.”

Hold my Oreos.  I’m gonna cut a bitch. 

After stressing out in a confessional about having to make these leadership decisions, Jin Sung gives the ad-lib and several other parts to Jay.

Kim Bin objects.  Jin Sung decides to take control and warns Jay that Kim Bin wants his ad-lib part.  He makes the decision to have them both audition for it.

I have to admit, they both do the ad-lib beautifully.  There’s a bit more soul in Jay’s voice, but I think that’s what Kim Bin was objecting to.  They take a team vote.  Jay wins, 3-1.

Kim Bin does not look happy.  He keeps pushing back when the music director comes in to hear their progress.  They perform Kim Bin’s arrangement of the song, and the director is not impressed.  It’s too much like the original, and he wanted to hear a different take on it.

The episode ends here.  How will this team rein in Kim Bin?  I’d be careful if I were them.  Nitrous can cause aggressive behavior.

[catch-me-hello]

Under Nineteen, Episode 4:  Stir-Fried Legal Liability

Welcome back to this strangely organized show!  The vocal team sings, the rap team raps, the performance team dances, and the vocal and rap teams also have to dance or they won’t stand a chance against the performance team.  Did they tell the trainees this when they applied for the show?  NOPE.  I’m still bitter.  Let’s dive right into Episode Four!

This time, we’ll be focusing on the performance team.  This is our most international group, with members speaking Chinese, Korean, English, Tagalog, Thai, and Japanese.  Also, their team cheer is “stir-fried spicy chicken!”  The show is letting them have their goofy, fun moments now before making them fight to take lead spots away from each other.  Back to training camp we go.

They start learning the choreography, and right away, there’s trouble.  Lowest-ranked Kim Shihyun is sitting alone in the middle of the room.  We know the director has set this up because everyone is ignoring him, even when he looks really distressed.  They’re literally dancing around him.

Shihyun tells us in a confessional that he’s bummed about his last-place ranking and not having any lead parts in the performance.  That’s our foreshadowing that he will issue a challenge faster than rival houses at a ball.

The choreography looks exhausting.  After a couple of hours, the boys are drenched in sweat.  Our sad trainee Shihyun is the only one who can’t keep up.  The coaches try to help by slowing the song down, but it’s not helping.  He gets scolded in front of the whole group.  It’s very uncomfortable to watch.  I’ve always been a slow learner, and this is giving me school flashbacks. 

Shihyun practices for hours in his room, trying to catch up.  Just like Jinseok on the vocal team, he’s very worried about being a hindrance to his teammates.  And it gets worse.  At team practice the next day, he doubles over in pain.

He forces himself to keep going, but during a break, he collapses.  He’s gasping in pain as one of the coaches helps him.  He insists he’s fine and wants to stay and watch the rest of the practice, but eventually the producers have to help him back to his room.

It must have just been a muscle cramp, because he’s back at practice the next day.  I hope he’s not dancing through the pain.  We get the loudspeaker announcement that it’s time to issue challenges.  I’m kind of hoping we’ll get a different outdated form of communication, like a bright pink fax machine, but no.  Our trainees are still using the big red phone booth.

Our top-ranked trainee, Eddie from Los Angeles, practices his singing because he knows it’s his weakness that everyone will be gunning for.  I’m not as worried about him as I was about Jinseok in the last episode.  Jinseok appeared to be blindsided.  Eddie seems stronger and is already aware of his weakness.  Whatever happens, I think he’ll be okay.  Although it is kind of crazy that his own roommate, Wumuti, is rehearsing his challenge right in front of him.  That is COLD.

We arrive at Judgement Day.  I don’t think Eddie will be able to keep the main part, but I don’t want him to fall too far.  I think he’s got a lot of fight in him.

Ninth-ranked Shin Chanbin gets one challenger for his part.  It’s 17th-ranked Park Siyoung, our former child actor. 

When it’s time for Chanbin to defend his part, his singing is terrible.  The subtitles tell us he’s not used to singing AND dancing.  Oh God, here we go again.  If we’re dividing these teams by specialty, why isn’t this just a dance troupe?  When he finishes, the coaches look at him, stone-faced.  Again, YOU COACHES are the ones who auditioned these trainees and chose them for these groups. 

Chanbin tells us in a confessional that he’s ashamed of himself for losing his spot to Siyoung, but it’s not his fault that this show doesn’t know what it’s doing.  He adds something interesting:  “This program doesn’t pick dancers.  It picks trainees who are fit to be idol singers.  While dancing is important, I need to work on my facial expressions and improve myself.”

Okay, he almost got the point.  He’s right about this show not picking dancers.  So why did they admit trainees who only know how to dance, put them on a dance team, and then tell them they had to sing?  Are these trainees just here to be eliminated?  Why accept trainees who are only good in one specialty if you want them to be good in all three and then make them feel ashamed when they can’t?

(sigh)  All right, back to this mess of a show.

Tenth-ranked Wumuti is being challenged next.  I think I’m going to like this one.  The challenger is 18th-ranked Oh Dahan.  He’s the brash trainee who spoke bluntly to the coaches during the rankings and has tape on his neck that I think is hiding a tattoo.  The voicemail he leaves challenging Wumuti sounds like a coded threat right out of the Godfather movies.  After politely asking Wumuti if he’s eaten, he says, “I’m confident I can do your part better.  I will take it.”

They take the battle to the floor.  All of Dahan’s coolness and swagger vanish with his awkward, terrible, off-key performance.  I didn’t want to see Wumuti lose his part, but I wanted to see a good battle.  This is just sad.  Especially when Dahan finishes by sticking his tongue out at the coaches and saying, “This is the end.”  Ugh.  You’re trying too hard to be shocking, dude.

This time, I don’t blame the coaches for being stone-faced, but I still demand an explanation for letting Dahan on this show.  He can’t even dance.  I just want to rip the tape off his neck and grab a laser machine because he’s not cool enough for that neck tattoo.

Wumuti keeps his part, Dahan keeps his tattoo, and I try to keep my patience.  Let’s move on.

Second-ranked Suren is being challenged next.  And this is a strange situation.  Both of his challengers are terrible singers, but Suren doesn’t do well either.  His singing voice is much better and on-key, but he keeps forgetting the lyrics.  How is that possible?  These guys have been rehearsing their parts for days, preparing to defend themselves from challengers.  This is the first time I’ve seen any of them actually forget the lyrics.

The coaches are so annoyed, one of them grabs his mic and joins them on the floor, mimicking them.  Suren gets the worst of the abuse.  I think the coach wants to take that part away from all three of them.  In fact, it looks like that’s what he’s doing.  Suren, who is only thirteen years old, is devastated. 

Now we see sixth-ranked Bain issuing a challenge.  He wants third-ranked Son Jinha’s part.  He’s one of two challengers.  In a pleasant surprise, all three of them are really good.  Bain wins part of the challenge, keeping his original part and getting some of Jinha’s lines. 

Okay.  No more putting this off.  Eddie is now in the hot seat.  He has a LOT of solo lines in the song.  I’m surprised that he only has five challengers.  Jinseok was a great singer and had sixteen people gunning for him.  Eddie is a weak singer and only has five, including Wumuti and our bottom-ranked and recently injured Kim Shihyun.

All the challengers do well, but Shihyun is especially good.  He may have hurt himself with too much practice, but the results are there.  His performance ends with enthusiastic applause from everyone but Eddie.

Eddie tries hard to defend his spot, and I love the guy so much, but he cannot sing.  He’s an incredible dancer.  That’s what he came on the show to do.  He should not be embarrassed like this.

In the end, Eddie’s parts get distributed to other trainees.  Fifteenth-ranked Lee Seunghwan, whom we’ve barely seen so far, gets some lines.  Wumuti gets some lines.  Shihyun triumphs, getting some lines as well.  Eddie manages to hang on to one small set of lyrics, and I’m amazed he got that.  This is a much better ending than the one Jinseok got.  Overall, this Judgement Day was easier to stomach than the one for the vocal team.

Everyone goes back to practice.  Singing the song in Korean is hard for the foreign trainees, and we see them writing down the translations in their own native languages.

The Korean members help by forming study groups.  This is interesting to watch.  Just like Hyunjin back on the Stray Kids survival show, Eddie practices his pronunciation while holding a pen in his mouth.

When it’s time to practice the choreography, they’ve forgotten a lot of it, probably because they’ve been spending so much time learning the lyrics.  Suren, who was scolded by the coaches on Judgement Day for forgetting lyrics, now keeps missing steps.  The whole team’s formation falls apart repeatedly.  This is really bad.  They get flustered and sing off-key, making it even worse.

The coach rips them a new one.  He says they’ll need to practice for a year before they can be ready.  Dude, half of them barely speak Korean, and they were put on a dance team before being told they’d also have to sing.  I’m amazed they showed up to the right practice room.

Then the coach says, “Everyone here is part of Team Performance, so you like to dance, right?  But don’t you want to be singers?”

THEY’VE BEEN PUT ON A DANCE TEAM, COACH NUMBNUTS. 

We’re only on Episode Four, and I am so frustrated with this show.  If you also wanted them to sing, you should have told them that when they auditioned!  This is like your boss telling you, “I know you’re on the customer service team, but don’t you also want to do accounting?”  No!  You hired me to do customer service!  What the hell is wrong with you?!

The coach spends several minutes scolding them for not being able to do the thing they weren’t brought here to do.  I spend several minutes glaring at him through the screen, trying to set his hair on fire through sheer concentration.

The coach leaves with undamaged hair, and the trainees get back to rehearsal.  The other coaches keep yelling at them.  None of this is their fault.  If they all weren’t so desperate to debut, I’d advise them all to quit the show en masse.

We get several more minutes of rehearsal, which probably could have been edited out.  Finally, we’re back at the live performance.  Let’s see how all this turned out.

They do a great job, the audience screams in approval, and the host asks her inappropriate questions.  We still have fifteen minutes left.  This feels like the longest episode yet.

Now we cut to a very worried-looking rap team waiting backstage for their turn.  They do a quick team cheer before taking the stage.  It looks like we’re getting a jump on their story before we end this episode.

Our host tells the rap team she heard they had trouble with the choreography.  YOU DON’T SAY.  They’re a RAP TEAM.  We’re going to go through this all over again, aren’t we?

We learn that several of these rappers had never danced before, so this is going to be similar to what our vocal team went through.  I remember that this is the team with our twelve year-old show maknae.  Please don’t make him cry.

We flash back to the training camp for the rap team’s storyline.  The rap team gets settled in and has fun goofing off, unaware of the trauma that awaits them.  I feel like I’m at the beginning of a horror movie where the teenagers decide it will be fun to go camping in the woods by the old abandoned run-down K-pop training center.

Our team gathers for their first practice, expecting to rap.  Instead, they’re met with a choreographer who wants to assess what their dancing skills are like.  He puts on some music and tells them to have fun.  They start nervously shuffling around. 

When the song ends, the choreographer says, “We’re in trouble.”  No, you’re not.  This is a rap team.  Let them rap, and they’ll be fine.

We find out that NO ONE in the rap group has taken dance lessons.  NONE of them.  So now they start dance lessons.  For their rap performance. 

It does not go well.  They practice for hours and are not getting any better.  “What do we do?” moans the choreographer.  YOU LET THEM RAP.  THEY’RE A RAP GROUP.

They keep dancing.  The younger ones start getting the hang of it.  Our maknae is having fun.  Our top-ranked Choi Sunmin is the worst dancer, which would make him a target for challengers, except most of them suck at dancing too.

Now we go to the first dress rehearsal onstage, where all the teams watch each other rehearse.  Our rap team actually starts off strong.  But then the other teams notice something and start pointing.  The production crew brings the rehearsal to a stop.  The stage crew rushes in. 

Trainee Kim Sungho is hurt.

He’s pulled a muscle in his arm.  He’s in a lot of pain.  Now I’m really pissed.  These kids are being pushed too hard to do something they were not prepared to do.  This show is a disorganized mess, and the trainees are suffering for it.

As Sungho sits backstage waiting for medical help, a coach tells him, “You must have been so nervous because of all the pressure.”

Are … are you trying to pin the blame for this on Sungho?!

We end here.  Hey showrunners, I have another present for you.

[catch-me-hello]

Under Nineteen, Episode 3:   The sharks start circling.

We have a new mission and a training camp to get to, as well as eliminations on the horizon.  Our next mission is taking place in front of 700 audience members.  Welcome to Episode Three!

We learned about this new mission last time.  Each team will perform a song.  The audience will vote for the best team.  Where each team ranks determines how many of their members will be eliminated.

There’s more.  The top-ranked teammates will get to perform the main parts of each song.  The lowest-ranked members will pretty much just be backup performers.  But these lower-ranked members can challenge the higher ranks for the parts they want.  They can issue these challenges on Judgement Day.  NOW we’re cooking.  Bring on the drama!  (Foreshadowing:  I will regret saying this.)

We cut to D-Day, and the audience is being admitted.  I think we’re getting the standard flashback formula.  We’re going to cut from the live performances to flashbacks of the teams preparing and all the anguish that goes with it.  Right now, the live show is starting.  All three teams are welcomed onto the stage with deafening screams from the audience.

We get our usual polite Korean trash-talk between the team coaches.  (“Our vocal team is unrivaled.”  “Well, our rap team will be difficult to beat!”)  Then suddenly, we flash back to the training camp.  Finally!  Now to pick up where we left off at the end of Episode Two.

We see our performance team at dance practice.  Bain, Wumuti, Eddie, and Christian are on this team. 

The choreo is very difficult. The trainees struggle to learn it.  The moves do look crazy complicated.  After hours of practice, they start to get the hang of it.  They’re still wildly out of sync, but it’s a start.  The coaches praise Eddie for his energy.  He really does stand out, and it not just because of his red hair.  He is laser-focused and sharp with the moves.  He’s got to be exhausted, but he doesn’t let it show.

Next, they get vocal coaching.  This team is under intense pressure because they have to sing and dance equally well.  Kim Shihyun, currently ranked last, volunteers to sing first.  He’s determined to stand out.  If he wants any chance of getting a better part, he has to issue a challenge on Judgement Day.

Kim Shihyun and Eddie

Other potential challengers follow him while top-ranked Eddie watches closely.  When it’s his turn to sing, he’s at a loss because he can’t read the lyrics in Korean.  He’s told to just sing “da da da” in place of the written lyrics.  And right away, there’s a problem.  He may be an amazing dancer, but he’s not a singer.  The rest of the team lights up.  They see a huge opportunity to challenge him.

Several of them talk excitedly in confessionals, saying things like, “Honestly, I think I can take this part away from him.”  This team smells blood in the water.

Now we hop over to the rap team and see who’s being targeted there.  This is the team with our twelve year-old show maknae Lee Yechan and our top-ranked Choi Sumin.

The team starts rehearsing.  Everyone sounds good at first.  Then Choi Sumin makes a mistake with the lyrics, and from there he loses the rhythm.  He eventually gives up.  The coaches ask him if he’s been practicing.  He has not.  He tells us in a confessional that the pressure to stay in the top spot has kept him from practicing.  This vulnerability is a big change from the arrogance we saw in the last episode.

The coaches remind him that the others want to challenge him for his part.  The other team members take their turns rapping.  They all do well, increasing the pressure and embarrassment on Choi Sumin.  He’s brought this on himself by not practicing, but I do feel for him.

Now we return to D-Day, so I guess we’re catching up with the vocal team later.  The vocal team is announced first.  A lot of girls are screaming for Kang Junhyuk, which is odd, because according to my notes, he’s the one who butchered an EXO song and got ranked really low.  The girls are screaming about how handsome he is, so I guess they don’t care.

The vocal team gets into formation.  Are we really going to do this without a flashback?  Nope!  It’s a fake-out.  Let’s pop some Dramamine and try to keep up with this zigzagging deadline.  Back to training camp we go, where all the trainees are talking about how they want to steal the lead part from the top-ranked Ji Jinseok.

Ji Jinseok, vocal team target

Rehearsal starts, and Jinseok sings first.  His voice is gorgeous.  The others worry that they won’t be able to challenge him.  So instead, they decide to learn from him.  He goes out of his way to be helpful to everyone with vocal training tips, even though he knows they’re gunning for his spot.

They’re constantly hounding him.  He can’t even get a break when he crawls into bed at night.  Other trainees wander into his room and ask for help.

Hey, Jinseok.  Are you awake?  How about now?  HOW ABOUT NOW?

It’s really mean that the show made last-ranked Kim Taewoo be roommates with Jinseok.  Taewoo feels very small in the presence of the rock star of the group.  (Taewoo is the one who sang so badly in the ranking mission, he left the stage in tears.)

Eventually, Taewoo sees the advantage of this roommate situation and smothers Jinseok in his sleep asks Jinseok for advice.  Of course, Jinseok helps him too.  This is going to backfire on him, isn’t it?

Back to rehearsals.  The coaches say that in order to compete with the performance team, the vocal team needs to be able to dance as well as they sing.  I have serious objections to this, but let’s put a pin in it for now.

Jinseok looks worried.  In a confessional, he tells us he can’t dance.  Like, at all.  He’s never even had dance lessons.  And of course, the choreo is really difficult.  Way too difficult for a beginner.  Jinseok tries his level best, but he can’t keep up with the rest of the team.  The others notice and look hopeful at finally finding a way to get at him.  He doesn’t even have a sense of rhythm.  This kid is doomed.

Meanwhile, lowest-ranked Taewoo is the best dancer in the group.  He’s so good, the coach assigns him to help Jinseok and others who are having trouble.  Even with all the help, Jinseok can’t get the hang of it.

The coaches tell him it’s not working.  In confessionals, the other trainees are salivating over the upcoming Judgement Day.  They don’t have long to wait.  When dance practice ends, they get an announcement that all trainees issuing a challenge need to head for the first floor training center … to make the challenge in a phone booth.  That’s certainly an approach.

The stampede begins.  Everyone not ranked Number One disappears from the training room so fast, they literally leave papers flying in their wake.  Jinseok is left sitting by himself in the practice room.  Downstairs in the phone booth, the fellow trainees he spent so much time helping are now gunning for his job.

We cut to Judgement Day.  We now learn that Jinseok isn’t the only one being challenged.  Anyone can challenge anyone in a position higher than themselves. 

Kang Junhyuk gets the first challenge.  Wait, he’s the one who butchered the EXO song during the rankings.  He actually made it to eleventh place somehow, and now he has one challenger in last-place trainee Kim Taewoo.  I guess Taewoo doesn’t feel confident enough to try for the top spot.  As Taewoo performs for the judges, Junhyuk has to stand right there the whole time.  This show is MEAN.

Junhyuk does get to perform in an attempt to keep his spot, but to no avail.  He loses his spot to Taewoo.

Now for 8th-ranked Lim Hyeongbin.  He has two challengers and loses his spot to 17th-ranked Lee Dongjun.  He is mortified.  Third-ranked Kim Youngseok gets two challenges but manages to hold onto his spot because neither of his opponents can stay on key.

Second-ranked Shin Yechan gets two challenges, which really surprises me.  This is our handsome, English-fluent guitarist whose dancing and singing at the rankings blew everyone away.  I’d think no one would want to risk it.  One of the challengers is our own Jay Chang, who gives it everything in his performance.  (“Koreans can’t make facial expressions like that,” one of the judges says afterwards.)

Jay wins the challenge.  I’m pleasantly surprised.  We know he won’t make it to the final group, but he’s going to make a positive impression before he leaves.

Okay, now for poor Ji Jinseok.  Our boy received SIXTEEN challenges.  Thankfully, we don’t see all the performances, just a montage.  Jinseok has to stand there and watch all sixteen of his teammates (again, many of whom were asking him for vocal coaching at all hours of the day and night) battle to take his spot right in front of him.

After all sixteen challengers are finished, Jinseok has one last chance to perform and keep his spot.  He sings well but still can’t get the choreo right.  He loses his spot to … SHIN YECHAN, who just got beaten out of his own spot by Jay Chang!

I’m sure Yechan had planned all along to challenge Jinseok, but I love the thought of him losing to Jay and immediately running downstairs to the phone booth to issue a last-minute challenge. 

So Jinseok gets knocked down to the secondary lead spot.  That’s not too bad.  Unfortunately, the challenges don’t stop here.  Everyone can keep challenging in an attempt to get one of the featured spots in the song.  One of the challengers is another one of my favorites, future Wild Idol contestant Lee Jae Eok.  He hasn’t gotten any screentime up to this point.  We only hear him for a few seconds, but it’s good to hear that expressive voice again.

And surprise – he actually wins his challenge against Jinseok for his second lead, knocking Jinseok down another spot to the third lead.  I’m happy for Jae Eok, but Jinseok is having an awful, AWFUL day.

It gets worse.  More trainees challenge Jinseok, and he keeps getting bumped down another spot.  Each time, he has to fight to defend his position, and each time he loses.  It reaches the point where one of the guest judges asks the rest of the panel, in a voice loud enough to be picked up by the mics, “Why is he in first place?”  I want to punch him right in the face.

The other panelists explain that Jinseok sang a ballad beautifully in the ranking mission but didn’t dance.  The guest says, “He’ll mess up the song.”  This is excruciating.

I check my notes from when I was researching all the contestants for the introduction to these recaps.  Ji Jinseok will wind up leaving this show after a few more episodes due to health reasons.  I’m amazed he’s not leaving right now.  I can’t imagine the state of his mental health.

Jinseok winds up getting bumped all the way down to the point where he’s just a backup dancer, which is awful because he can’t dance.  The one thing he could do was sing, and now he can’t even do that in a lead role.  He’s on the verge of tears in a confessional.  I hate this so much.

The coaches knew when they brought him onto this show that he couldn’t dance.  They also knew Eddie couldn’t read Korean or sing.  They’ve set up these trainees for failure and embarrassment.

When the challenges are mercifully over, the coaches lecture the team, telling them they need to give the best possible performance so they will win the most votes and be safe from elimination.

You know what, coaches?  Screw you.  You took all the lead singing parts away from the trainee YOU YOURSELF ranked as the best singer on the team and forced everyone to do choreography even though it’s a vocal performance.  If you’re going to have a separate team be a performance (dance) team, then the vocal and rap teams should just focus on vocals and rap and not worry about choreo. 

In fact, separating the teams like this is a stupid idea in the first place because you can’t separate choreo from the vocals when you’re putting an actual K-pop group together, unless you’re just putting a vocal team together like the one we just saw on Build Up. But this show is not just putting a vocal team together.  It’s putting a full-on K-pop group together.  So breaking up the teams this way makes no sense.  WHO PUT THIS STUPID SHOW TOGETHER?  If this vocal team loses the vote, it’s on YOU.

Let’s just get through the rest of this episode.

Judgement Day is over, and the newly-reshuffled team reports for vocal practice.  Jinseok watches sadly while others sing all the lead parts.  He does not deserve this embarrassment.

In a confessional, Jinseok is now riddled with anxiety, convinced that he is going to make his team lose and cause trainees to get eliminated.  He is not okay.  He’s fine with being eliminated at this point.  He just doesn’t want to drag others down with him.

We watch the vocal team do the full rehearsal with dancing.  And finally, we are back at D-Day, onstage for the final performance.  I just want Jinseok to make it through okay.

It’s a solid performance.  No major mistakes, so I guess Jinseok was able to do well enough to blend in.  It’s just hard to get enthusiastic for this performance after seeing him get torn down for the entire second half of this episode.

The fans go nuts, and the other teams backstage look nervous.  The vocal team was good, and I’m sure the rap team will be good, but now that we’ve established that dancing is just as crucial, I’m betting the performance team will win.  Again, this show was not planned well.

Our host asks some flirty questions of the guys, because that’s not at all inappropriate for a grown woman to do with mostly underage boys, and I’m ready to wrap this up.  But then she asks Jinseok, “What was the most difficult part of preparing for this performance?”

She asks Jinseok this right in front of the judges and coaches who have put him through hell. 

Jinseok, who has been put on the spot, cheerfully and diplomatically says he had never danced before and was worried that he would drag his team members down and apologizes that he couldn’t be much better.  Please get the cameras off him and leave him alone.

The episode finally ends here.  I need to go outside and kick some trees.  See you next episode.