rubixtetris

[rubixtetris]

the title is at the end for a twist. wrote this poem a long time ago, not sure if i can submit old poems for the challenge over at the poet's porch community, but i wanted to post this one anyway so it gets out of my drafts ;=;

ALSO I WROTE THIS WHEN I WAS LIKE.. 16, OKAY. DON'T CRINGE

content warning: heavy themes of implied attempted suicide

tagging just in case it IS okay to use old poems: (if not just ignore me lol) @versesbyaaliyah

[rubixtetris]

ENTRY 10: 2025-07-21

> 13:21. hi lol i'm alive. so, reasons for the lack of entries include: monthly bleeding, shitty wifi & internet + a storm going through the ph right now, general overall laziness. i enrolled today, but our first semester is just our research and my groupmates are gonna be handling the bulk of the work since i did most of the work last sem.

> 13:32. to summarize the past few days without entries: cramps, binge reading, bed, sleep. that's basically all i did. i mean, i still played chess and did some work but ehhh i wouldn't call it work. i did some drawing & writing. mostly just drabbles.

> 14:21. the coffee actually kinda sucks ass, i'll try a different order next time. still. it hurts the wallet when you take a chance to buy a food/drink, and it hurts the heart if it tastes like ass and you wasted your money.

> 15:21. the rain is, as usual, unmerciful. i think i mentioned it before, it always irked me for some reason when people say the find the rain comforting. it's only comforting if you're the one inside, and it loses it charm the moment you experience wet socks, muddy shoes, and sickness. idk why we get sick right after it rains, but it's such bullshit. nature is as beautiful as it is destructive.

> 23:15. some poem themes/ideas/rambles to end the day: escapism as a metaphor for brainrot, "insanity in reprise (music-related)"; parasite movie, rain as a symbol of 'cleanliness' until it reaches the gutter, class system, weather, beauty and idyllic sceneries associated w the rich.

> 23:24. the rant about corruption and shitty public infrastructure & governance on this country is coming just you wait. ONCE IM NOT BUSY, i say. along with the other backlogs of shit i promise to post.

> chess stats of the day:

- 58 total puzzle score (30 puzzle streak w/ 3 corrected mistakes + 1 daily puzzle + 3 normal rated puzzles + 21 puzzle battle on chess.com + 0 on lichess) - 16 games (5 min blitz) played on chess.com (8 W; 8 L) rating currently at 728

> quote of the day:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but simply moving on with dignity despite that fear.” - Pat Riley

> song of the day: (sidenote: this song is so han sooyoung-coded)

[rubixtetris]

— Ocean Vuong, Notebook Fragments

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I finished DMC 1

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i did this with the ORV one so here's some context, explanation, & analyzation: (DMC3 spoilers!)

a brother's overture

as google defines it, an overture is a musical piece that serves as an introduction to a larger work, like an opera or a play. this establishes music as a theme. notice how there's no name mentioned, only the word "brother" which could either be referring to dante or vergil.

here in the light and soul of daybreak the doves would sing in the morning dew

daybreak - sunrise, morning dew - refers to the thin layer of moisture on plants during morning, but i use 'morning dew' in relation to 'daybreak' to refer to the aftermath of a storm (vergil & the events of DMC3).

singing in parts of blood and heartache devoted to this song, and to you

so doves apparently do sing, famously mourning doves that others describe as solemn, a low mournful sound. here, the dove represents eva and the human side of the twins, quite literally "in parts of blood (i.e. half), AND heartache" not "in parts of blood and heartache." while 'this song' refers to "this grief" and 'you' refers to vergil.

those of melodies, they mend and make in lovingly littered leitmotifs

the alliteration is meant to be slightly mocking. 'leitmotifs' refer to a recurring theme or symbolization in music, it can be used to represent a certain character, situation, or idea. for example, in arcane (spoilers) when we see viktor as a child stumble and fall, in the background music is viktor's theme. we hear that same melody when viktor saves jayce, once as the dean's assistant, and other as the mage that saves jayce from the blizzard. here, dante uses 'leitmotif' as a metaphor for grief, finding traces of vergil after death, quite literally littered throughout his day.

in the prayers of sinners and saints these harmonies are threaded with grief haunting every chord and stagnant silence

refers to the previous lines, the sinners and saints refer to arkham and lady or lady's mother, dante giving them credit as the catalyst for the events in DMC3. in the previous lines, 'saints' (vaguely) rhymes with 'make' and 'leitmotifs' with 'grief' but the last line has no rhyme to make an abrupt sound, emphasizing the 'silence'.

the fire and smoke burn bright and decay chorus of the unholy choir

the fire represents the tragic event where eva died, chorus here refers to a greek chorus, while traditionally just observers, commentators, and outsiders, i mention that they're apart of the unholy choir, i.e. the demons that killed eva

where the snake of ouroboros named dies irae chants wind from the storm

ouroboros is the name of the snake/dragon depicted eating its own tail, symbolizing infinity and the cyclical nature of life and death, creation and destruction. here, ouroboros is used to describe the cyclical nature of dante and vergil, fighting then reconciling over and over again, hence the name dies irae. dies irae is a famous latin hymn meaning "day of wrath" and it's sung during mass requiems to honor the dead.

the fall and the plummet – into this cacophony, a terrifying clamor of trumpets, forever in damnation in the shackle of fate and destiny and love and hate and you

the fall & the plummet directly refers to vergil falling from the tower, but can also indirectly refer to dante's fall into grief. "a terrifying clamor of trumpets" is in direct reference to vladimir holan's poem titled "resurrection" in the far ends of the paragraph, dante spirals a bit. he sees his connection to vergil as a shackle. because when someone we love hurts us, abandons us, or causes us grief or mourning or sadness, we naturally feel hatred or anger towards this person. but that anger or hatred doesn't replace the love you have for them, it just makes it inescapably painful. hence, the shackle. (Red from OSP, Detail Diatribe: Arcane's Unbreakable Bonds of Love)

with this pain, open eyes, i hear a requiem of mourning adoration

mourning adoration is an oxymoron, you can't love someone and mourn them at the same time (because mourning is loving). it's the same with "with this pain, open eyes" because when you feel something truly painful, it hurts to keep your eyes open, and they close instinctively

dedicate destiny in reprise to cain and abel, their love and demise

dante denotes the cyclical nature of siblings fighting and reconciling to cain and abel

for when i am lost in the haze of these silent mornings, you take hand in hand play our song in condemnation, and when you are gone and you cease to sing this symphony is my peace and salvation

dante hates the silence, and almost prefers to be lost in the chaos of fighting, calling it his version of peace. "hand in hand, play our song in condemnation" i.e. dante calling vergil to fight, because dante fights as a means of redeeming himself, for being unable to when eva died and a whole lot more other reasons.

but in the end, a song is just a song this little feud ends in silenced grief i admit that you have won by default and your absence marks my defeat

here dante admits that vergil won because dante lost him. dante may have won the battle, but at the cost of his brother.

heavily inspired by the devil may cry video game, i.e. dante's POV after DMC3. i wrote this poem to accompany a fanfic i thought of, haven't actually written it yet but the summary goes:

"To pass the time of boredom and stagnant days, Dante would write poetry. He had the Rebellion to honor his father, the amulet to honor his mother, but only a face for his brother. So he would write poetry. Out of a whim, he posts it on the internet. It's mostly well received, except for this one familiar stranger who keeps giving unprompted criticism on every single one" and the stranger would obviously be Vergil but Dante doesn't know that but Vergil knows and is fucking with him. and it would be formatted as a chat fic or social media fic.

would i actually write this fanfic? haha no. i have an internship rn and i would not fuck around and find out w/ the ao3 curse.

[rubixtetris]

ENTRY 09: 2025-07-15

> 08:12. sun showers again this morning. it was a light rain at first, a drizzle, really, then it rained heavier the exact moment i went out for work. sometimes i think the universe it out to get me, but i saw a rainbow and thought "maybe not"

> 09:56. so update on the phone, mom gave me her old one so i'll be needing to reformat that and transfer my old data. setting up a new phone is always time consuming and takes up majority of my day, consisting of logging into accounts, forgetting passwords, one-time-pins, authorization codes, etc. etc. i get the necessity of it but it's still horribly inconvenient

> 11:02. i've been thinking about going abroad to further my studies. maybe get a master's in accounting. whenever i bring it up to my parents, they tell me to plan it out first, asking me questions like what country do you plan on going to? what program is it? what school? who will finance it? are you sure it's not a scam? are you sure it's not a human trafficking ring? etc. etc. and it's all logistics and technicalities, but i brought the question up as a "what do you think" and not a "i need advice on how to plan this"

> 11:03. i'm the youngest out of all my siblings, and my friends keep telling me that my parents are only like that because they love me, that deep down, they can't accept that i'm all grown up now and if i did outright ask if they want me to go abroad, i know they want me to be happy and chase my dreams but also want me to stay.

> 11:04. i found it hard enough as it is to get into a college outside my city. ano pa if gusto ko mag-aral ng ibang bansa? anyway. family rant over. i love them always and forever grateful to have a loving and supporting family

> 23:59. the rest of the day was just work, chess, figuring out my phone, etc.

> chess stats of the day:

- 50 total puzzle score (22 puzzle streak w/ 3 corrected mistakes + 1 daily puzzle + 3 normal rated puzzles + 21 puzzle battle on chess.com + 0 on lichess) - 20 games (5 min blitz) played on chess.com (10 W; 10 L) rating currently at 750

> quote of the day:

“I see you everywhere, in the stars, in the river, to me you’re everything that exists, the reality of everything.” - Virginia Woolf

> song of the day:

[rubixtetris]

crossposted on ao3 with some minor changes to fit the format.

context, explanation, & analyzation for those interested: (ORV novel spoilers) (warning: long)

for those who are unfamiliar, Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint (ORV) is a korean webnovel written by sing shong (pen name for a married couple, real names unknown) and any summarization doesn't really do it justice please go read it for yourself, either the manhwa or webnovel is fine, there are free translations online for either medium.

the title "the elegy of kim dokja by han sooyoung" states three clear facts: the poem is from HSY's point of view, HSY accepts KDJ is dead, and is writing an elegy to honor him. but the tone of the overall poem doesn't really suggest acceptance, even goes as far as to insult him a few lines. it's not denial either, it reads more like a plea for KDJ to stay.

there are 14 paragraphs, originally supposed to be based on the 14 stations of the cross but ehhh i kinda got iffy using religion here so i scrapped that and just wrote whatever without a structure.

I - orpheus represents KDJ, specifically in the myth with eurydice. it's a parallel to how KDJ went to the underworld several times, and it was always in the goal of saving someone he loves. here, KDJ!orpheus is asking HSY if she has ever done anything similar, to do something so arduous out of love. HSY responds by providing the story she wrote as tls123.

II - achilles here represents YJH, who, in HSY's POV, embodies strength and heroism, but also selfishness and weakness. she sees herself in YJH, both as two people who will only ever truly love and understand KDJ's contradictory nature.

III - obligatory salvation mention. here, HSY is stating that she finds it ironic that they're [KDJ & HSY] both obsessed with each other...'s pieces of soul. literally in the sense of 49-51 with KDJ, and metaphorically with HSY's writing.

IV - similar to KDJ, HSY archetypes herself as a villain, and the only way she found to ever redeem herself, is to save KDJ. like how KDJ sees himself as "just an observer/reader" and that the only way he'll make an impact is to save others, usually by sacrificing himself. HSY speculates he does this because sacrifice is the only form of love KDJ knows, a parallel to how KDJ's mother sacrificed herself to be thrown in prison rather than KDJ for the murder of his father. and you can only sacrifice yourself if you're alive, i.e. surviving

V - two snakes eating each other symbolizes, imo, a cycle of creation and destruction, change, and infinity. which is the entire timeline universe of ORV. here HSY asks a pivotal question, to be followed up in the next paragraph

VI - here, HSY is making two clear distinctions regarding her choices, and subsequently, her identity: the original round HSY and/or as tls123 (AKA 1863rd HSY) respectively. to choose loving reverence for fleeting happiness or maddening devotion for lasting grief - KDJ makes his mark anyway. obligatory icarus reference, HSY mentions how he flies between the "blazing sun" and "roaring tides" i.e. trying to find a middle ground between your present and your past/future, and she subsequently writes how she tries to imitate him by "matching and following his footsteps." scheherazade here, represents either tls123 or OG!HSY (depends how you view the myth) asking if it's truly selflessness or selfishness, and what exactly is the point of it all

VII - this HSY answers, the point is to make KDJ see, make him hear, make him understand, the point is to reach him and remind him that he is loved.

VIII - just a continuation of VII, HSY giving credit to YJH as part of the reason why KDJ survived.

IX to XIV - the story in question is just referring to ORV itself, but HSY writes/reads it as a vow and promise. the rest is love disguised as prose and celestial imagery to at least be on theme with ORV.

XIV - OBLIGATORY "YOU WILL SURVIVE" MESSAGE

[rubixtetris]

l'appel du vide / call of the void

my submission for the weekly prompt "unravel" by @myharshwordspoetry and @picklemafia over at the poet's porch community idk if i missed the deadline but im posting it anyway >.>

[rubixtetris]

burning food is an inherited trait

[rubixtetris]

ENTRY 08: 2025-07-14

> 10:28. woke up late... again... my sister cooked some tuna nuggets? supposedly healthier than chicken nuggets. she's been more of a health nut recently, talking abt fiber and protein and calories. she's also been telling me to stop eating junk foods and start eating healthier. granted, she's like a decade older than me, and is probably telling me to not make the same mistakes she did.

> 12:07. might go to a cafe later to finish the work i should have finished during friday and saturday. sunday doesn't count, that's a rest day. i think about how sad it is that i only have one rest day now in a week. saturday classes fucked me up.

> 16:37. the sun's finally out and shining after days of rain. can't say i miss it, or miss the rain either. both are terribly inconvenient and i'd need an umbrella either way. speaking of, apparently that's not a thing in non-asian countries? people don't use umbrellas when the sun is out?? granted, the weather here is more brutal. and UV radiation is no joke.

> 16:40. lowkey. i miss school. i miss the schedule. the routine. i didn't like the repetitiveness or monotony but god did it provide simplicity and structure. i miss school like how i sometimes think about joining the military for the free food, housing, college, and that sweet sweet disciplined schedule. but the pros are not worth the cons lol.

> 16:41. i think this is what adulthood is. anxiety is the dizziness of freedom and all that. so much freedom, so many choices. you're free to do whatever you want, but the consequences are much more severe for choosing the wrong choices.

> 20:12. life update! my phone's charging port is fucked six ways to sunday. had to get that fixed. good thing i brought my laptop to keep me entertained while that was getting fixed! but! oh no! no wifi! that's okay! i can just play solitaire or something or finally start writing! wait! my screen is too big and i'm in a public space! so yeah. i just wandered around. read the first chapter of the picture of dorian gray at a bookstore while trying not stress about my phone that's taking AGES to charge

> 21:48. i'm trying to use my old phone as an ebook reader/ao3 reader, and there's something sad and nostalgic when you open up your old phone. it's like greeting an old friend. but you kinda feel bad since you're only using it because your current one is unusable. anyway, something something nostalgia and change. whatever. uninstalled a bunch of apps i didn't need, installed again what i do need, updated apps that needed updating, logging into accounts etc. and voila! your own ebook reader.

> chess stats of the day:

- 28 total puzzle score (21 puzzle streak w/ 3 corrected mistakes + 1 daily puzzle + 3 normal rated puzzles + 0 puzzle battle on chess.com + 0 on lichess) - 0 games (5 min blitz) played on chess.com (0 W; 0 L) rating currently at 751

> quote of the day:

"Grief is an amputation, but hope is incurable hemophilia–you bleed and you bleed and bleed." - David Mitchell

> song of the day:

[rubixtetris]

Adolph Menzel (German, 1815-1905) Studio Wall, 1872 Oil on canvas, 111 cm × 79.3 cm

[rubixtetris]

heavily inspired by the devil may cry video game, i.e. dante's POV after DMC3. i wrote this poem to accompany a fanfic i thought of, haven't actually written it yet but the summary goes:

"To pass the time of boredom and stagnant days, Dante would write poetry. He had the Rebellion to honor his father, the amulet to honor his mother, but only a face for his brother. So he would write poetry. Out of a whim, he posts it on the internet. It's mostly well received, except for this one familiar stranger who keeps giving unprompted criticism on every single one" and the stranger would obviously be Vergil but Dante doesn't know that but Vergil knows and is fucking with him. and it would be formatted as a chat fic or social media fic.

would i actually write this fanfic? haha no. i have an internship rn and i would not fuck around and find out w/ the ao3 curse.

[rubixtetris]

attack on @birmit!

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a day in pictures (2.7.23)

[rubixtetris]

invisible ink

[rubixtetris]

Hi! I'm not technically back from the dead. I don't think. But I was made aware by the lovely @furekami that I never posted my contributions to the ORV scenario zine! There's another one somewhere around here. I'll find it. In the mean time, please enjoy.

I was just listening to "Two" by Sleeping at Last and it brought back all of my very emotional feelings about ORV that I thought was dormant for two years. God I love this story so much.

[rubixtetris]

ENTRY 07: 2025-07-13

> 09:24. let me describe to you what the classic filipino sunday morning is like: you first wake up to the sound and smell of laundry and a very loud washing machine. old songs on the radio. neighbors arguing. dogs barking or chickens if you live in a rural area. it smells like someone cooked fried rice, you smell coffee. life is great.

> 09:25. i woke up late, started the day late, started my morning routine late, overall, sunday, for me, is just a refresher day. if last week i felt unproductive and lethargic, sunday feels like a fresh start, to slap myself and lock in and get shit done

> 12:33. did i get shit done? no, i'll start tomorrow. i still haven't finished any of the work i should be doing, i've been doomscrolling and realizing that my morning routine takes a large chunk of my day. maybe less if i cut out breakfast, which i usually do anyway when i have to go to work.

> 13:21. things i look forward to every sunday: manhwa updates. also church! i'm roman catholic on paper but i still attend mass with my family. i tend not to bring my phone when i go to church, as a way to discipline or test myself, because if i cannot go for more than hour without my phone i am cooked.

> 15:24. i just realized my piercings are magnetic?? tbf, i've only had them for a year. and my earbuds longer than that. i always thought that one disadvantage of earbuds is that if they fall out, you can't catch them, unlike with wired earphones, but if mine accidentally fall out, they stick to my piercings?? you learn something new everyday

> 16:57. ate junk foods. started doing lineart. wanted to do values & colors next but i got bored. scrolled on youtube to watch elden ring lore videos. then it went to bloodborne lore videos, and then i rewatched jacksepticeye play and rant about bloodborne. my brother's oc/sona has a tricorn hat, which reminded me of the bloodborne default hunter outfit. i asked him if it was inspired by bloodborne in any way shape or form. he just looked at me like he wanted to kill me >.>

> 16:58. to be fair, if my oc gets compared to an already existing character, i'd want to choke them too...

> 19:16. went to church! was sleepy for the first half. i think the people behind me were judging me so hard. IN MY DEFENSE, I WAS TRYING VERY HARD TO STAY AWAKE. but also, i cannot recall what the sermon was. something about... fuck wait

> 20:21. i remember! it was about the nature of kindness and forgiveness. i remember because i was reading old guard fanfiction, and it was angst of my immortal wives, and a turning point in the fic was qunyh forgiving andy, and then i remembered the sermon! i also remembered making a mental note to pin what the priest was saying as material for angst in fic ideas... damn i'm going to hell. sorry g.

> chess stats of the day:

- 57 total puzzle score (27 puzzle streak w/ 3 corrected mistakes + 1 daily puzzle + 3 normal rated puzzles + 23 puzzle battle on chess.com + 0 on lichess) - 4 games (5 min blitz) played on chess.com (2 W; 1 L; 1 D) rating currently at 0

> quote of the day:

"Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard, are sweeter." - John Keats

> song of the day: