#but second of all at least do it for the amazing comedic value

[red-velvet-0w0]

honestly people should totaly use trigger warnings more. like in addition to letting people know if they will or wont like something, it also gives the amazing dramatic irony of:

TW THIS FANFIC CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE, MURDER, LOSS OF A LIMB, CANABALISM, GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF TORTURE. VIEWER DISCRESSION IS ADVISED.

chapter 1:

little billy was having the awesomest wholsomest day of his life. nothing could possibly go wrong today. no siree.

[nutzgunray-lvt]

Why I Hate Canon Dadzawa

I'm pretty sure I've said this before multiple times, but Aizawa is my second least favorite character in MHA behind Bakugou and ahead of Shinsou. Most of this is because of his canon actions/how he's written, but a lot of this is due to people INSISTING that Fanon Dadzawa is Canon Dadzawa.

To put out a disclaimer, I don't mind Fanon Dadzawa. There's been some really well written Fanon Dadzawa fics that I like, and I'm of the belief that you can and should write whatever fics you want. I also think that Canon Dadzawa/Aizawa as a whole could have been such an interesting character had he been written better. Instead (like with almost every other character in MHA) we get someone whose actions don't match how he's supposed to come off as.

This topic is a sore spot for me, because the people who got me into MHA tried selling me on Dadzawa, Dadzawa, Dadzawa. I felt so tricked when I first got into it and saw that none of what they were saying was true.

Just like how Bakugou is a Temu version of Vegeta (so insulting to Vegeta) and Sasuke (who is another character I don't really like, but will put well above Bakugou), Aizawa is a SheIn version of Kakashi; a conventionally attractive, badass, no-nonsense teacher who genuinely cares about and is protective of his students. I have my problems with Kakashi, but it's at least been actually shown that he cares for his students, and whenever he does a "Rational Deception", he not only immediately explains himself, but he only ever did them in his introduction. For that matter, he's actually a good friend to Guy.

Aizawa, on the other hand, is a hot mess of a walking, talking contradiction in writing and Character Shilling. We're constantly told that he's this amazing teacher and amazing person, but the evidence doesn't match up with these claims.

He never owns up to his failings, choosing to a) ignore them entirely, b) excuse them away, or c) throw other undeserving people under the bus to make himself look good. We see this in how he halfheartedly acknowledges Ida angrilly calling him out on his repeated lying to 1A, when he excuses away his utter failure in curbing Bakugou's awful behavior with his "deep seated conviction" in bring a hero, and when he tries throwing All Might under the bus when Hound Dog calls them out in exaserbating Izuku's trust issues after the Gentle Criminal fight.

For that matter, he has yet to apologize to Izuku after his realization during the Liberation Front War of how much of jackass he was to him. Seriously, Izuku has saved his ass I don't know how many times, and he continued being such an ungrateful bastard towards him. I'm not saying he should have gotten on his knees and proclaimed his life to him, but you would think that would have at least changed his attitude towards him.

And speaking of Izuku, while he's always on his ass about his Quirk control... he completely ignores the issues that Aoyama and Kaminari have with THEIR Quirks. Kaminari being taken hostage at the USJ due to his lack of Quirk Control goes completely unacknowledged, and Aoyama's lack of Quirk Control is treated solely for comedic value. You'd think Dadzawa: Best UA Teacher would try to help the two of them as well, but nope.

I could go on all day about his expulsion record, but the point is, he's ruining these students' lives due to him projecting his own traumas onto them. I have to reiterate this, but these expulsions DO IN FACT stay on their permanent records. In Japan, having an expulsion on your permanent record CAN AND WILL prevent you from getting a well paying job. Expulsion is treated as an absolute last resort for a reason, and to see him throw that threat around like it's nothing is horrible of him. Nedzu is a horribly negligent principal for letting Aizawa do this, and the fact that nobody has sued UA for this is a miracle.

Then we get to his favoritism of Bakugou and Shinsou, probably the biggest indicator of his hypocrisy.

It makes absolutely NO SENSE that Aizawa's presented as this strict hardass of a teacher, and then he's shown giving preferental treatment to an abusive egoist (that was canonically how Bakugou was described in his character profile) and a whiny, Quirkist Troll doll that's not even in the Heroics Course. This is especially egrigious considering how often he bitches and moans about All Might mentoring Izuku! He sticks his neck out for Bakugou when he absolutely doesn't deserve it and when you know for a fact he wouldn't do this for his other students.

For that matter, he's such an awful friend to Mic and Midnight. His relationship with both of them is all take and no give. Mic canonically surpressed his own grief and trauma surrounding Oboro and Midnight's deaths for Aizawa's sake, and while it was wrong of Midnight to throw Aizawa's name into the teacher's ring behind his back, he repays her trying to get him a job by doing all the above I just listed. His relationship with them is unhealthy as hell, especially since they NEVER take him to task for his awful behavior.

On top of all of THAT, he genuinely thinks he's this amazing teacher and person, given how angry he gets at Mic for calling him a terrible teacher during the Sports Festival. He calls Vlad King a better teacher than him... but doesn't do ANYTHING to change his ways. You can't have it both ways, Aizawa.

In conclusion, Aizawa would have been such an interesting character had he been allowed to examine and change his attitude and teachings. Instead, we get someone who unfairly has a reputation of being a paragon of goodness and rationality.

[studestael]

Hi! ❄️

Oh, it sounds like a perfect getaway for the Christmas season! I'm glad you had a good time! But yeah, travelling can be rather exhausting too.

God dag till dig med! 😄 At least you know one thing, it's something!

Thank you for the recommendations! I'll get back to those next time I feel like watching something in French! Ah yes, I have watched Amélie quite a few times since it first came out. It is a lovely film!

Hm, let me think about Swedish things to recommend... I've honestly never been much for swedish television and film aside from classics, cause the quality was never that good in my opinion. These days there really is some quality stuff out there, but I've been rather bad at engaging with it! And also I'm not sure what you could find with subtitles. I grew up on Astrid Lindgren films and series as everyone else and you pretty much can't go wrong there if you want something that is both swedish culture at its core and that depicts both childhood and life in general spot on. She was the most amazing writer, and the adaptations of her books tend to be so good. Some of my favourites are Madicken (several films, early 1900s setting), Vi på Saltkråkan (tv series, contemporary '60s, life in the Stockholm archipelago), Ronja Rövardotter (feature film, fantasy) Lotta på Bråkmakargatan (family life about a cute and stubborn five year old, set in the '50s), and of course Bröderna Lejonhjärta (fantasy, is gonna break your heart). Otherwise for film, I'm gonna be basic and just say Ingmar Bergman. He was amazing and that's it. If you want something more comedic by him I'd recommend Djävulens öga (The Devil's Eye, 1960). I found it very funny xD I honestly don't listen to much Swedish music either! The band Gyllene Tider is from my hometown and their music is so nice to crank up in the summer (especially since this town is such a summer town and they are very much associated with it). Otherwise I'm honestly not sure! I'll recommend my cousin's jazz trio, haha - they're called Music Music Music! (I feel like I'm giving away so much info about myself now - don't check the tag if you want to keep your secret santa secret! x'D )

Yes it seems like we do!! Wow, I bet playing the piano is second nature to you then! I totally understand about going professional being too much. I've always felt that about dancing, I love it and want to keep getting better, but only for my own sake and not for a career. With acting it's different, there I really want to give it my all and work professionally. I think you really need to have that extra spark of passion when it comes to the artistic professions, cause it really takes so much dedication and engagement. I'm sure those years in the conservatory gave you lots of great tools anyway though! There is value in learning things just for yourself too, it doesn't always have to "lead to" something specific.

Hehe, stupid comic stories sound great! I write pretty much exclusively fanfic for the Raffles fandom, which is a very small fandom for a series set in Victorian London. I've also written a parody series for the series, which I enjoyed a lot cause it's so stupid and it's so much fun to just space out and write really stupid shit xD

Oh, the album cover project sounds so cool! Have you posted those here on tumblr?

Question for today: What is your favourite outfit at the moment? (Alternatively, what's your overall style like?)

hello snowflake!

yes haha i learnt this sentence in my favorite musical "the producers"! there's a character that's supposed to be swedish and in the 2005 movie, another character tells her god dag min vän so i remember it now :^)

thank you very much for all these recommendations!!! i will get to all of that once christmas is over, especially your cousin's jazz band!

i'm kind of lost in what i really want to do with my career tbh. right now i work in event management in a non-profit organization, so i manage concerts, bands, etc. but i sometimes miss it so much to actually perform, and at the same time i'm too afraid to go deep into this profession. it sucks. i just want to know what to do and actually do it :')

oh yeahhhh it's so cathartic to write stupid things, like you just let go and have fun. i believe it's very good for one's mental health and i think everyone should write stupid funny shit :^)

no! i'd love to show you the drawings i've made but unfortunately i'm not allowed to yet! i've been working on this project for more than a year now but, even though it's nothing much, i can't publicly post anything on the internet yet. i'll show you the album covers in private once you reveal yourself!

ooh very good question. my style doesn't change much, and it isn't very outlandish, but i'd say a very casual with sometimes a little bit of 70s, sometimes a little bit of cowboy-western style here and there. my favorite outfit, i'd say it is any patterned shirt with my brown vintage loose but well-dressed pants! there you can see what i mean haha :^) what about you? tell me about your style!

maybe this was my last answer (without taking into account your other little ask that i'm going to answer right away) before your reveal so let me tell you it was a real pleasure to have you as my secret rocker santa this year!!! bye byeeeee see you soon :^)

[bixisarusher]

Bix Reviews: Call Me Kat (Season 1, FOX 2021)

I thought a lot about how I feel about this show, and there are lots of words, so it’s gonna go under the cut.

In summary: I didn’t enjoy it quite as much as I hoped to, and i discuss why I think that was. BUT there are great things in this remake, and I want to name them as well!

There are two ways to look at Call Me Kat: As it’s own thing, and as a Miranda remake. As a Miranda Hart stan, I’ll have a lot more to say about the latter, so let’s start with the show itself.

On It’s Own

That felt appropriate, nvm me

It’s a cute show. It’s not a groundbreaking concept, and it’s not re-inventing the genre, but it has some really good things going for it:

Kat is happy and confident in her quirks, but doesn’t have it all together - so she has room to grow and is very sympathetic, all the while encouraging the viewer to celebrate their own quirks. Lovely! Also Mayim is a treasure and it’s great to watch her perform.

The show openly discusses “taboo” topics, like using anti-depressants and their side-effects, freezing your eggs, comparing yourself to a hallucinated version of your crush’s ex...  The show isn’t a trailblazer, (partly because there have been many great shows in the last couple years) but I thinks it’s awesome to see them further treading out the ground and normalizing these topics.

It has a nice set of characters that go through their indepent stories, I found myself excited for any new episode and enjoying the varying storylines. (Most of them Randi.)

And, although the last episode dragged it right back into the romantic territory, Kat has a genuine friendship with Max and I value that a lot. Neither of them harbours secret feelings, instead they are open and honest about it. The only thing they overdid here was to have an exchange of “Do you remember, when we were in college together and [blank] happened?” in at least every other episode.

Another thing on the down side: Neither the writers nor Mayim seem to fully know what to do with the fourth wall breaks. I don’t mind the thing, it just doesn’t feel fully rounded out - like how much they want to use it, what purpose it really has, ...

I think it’s due to the circumstances of the filming (pandemic restrictions and all), but more on that later. So much for the show itself.

As a remake

First of all: Do I love Jim Parsons for looking at this absurd british gem of a TV show and deciding “the world needs more stuff like this”? Absolutely! Because I agree! There were two or three moments that leaned on Miranda a little too much for their own good, but overall: it is content inspired by Miranda, but neither correcting, it nor copying it. More power to this concept.

More power to celebrating the silly joys in this live, to celebrate not being normal, more power to amazing friendships and women who find their own path. Call Me Kat does all of these things.

However, it doesn’t quite live up to it’s Mothership. Let me elaborate.

There is a myriad of reasons why Miranda works and I will not attempt to list them. However there’s one thing that does stand out to me in the original, and that I really miss in the adaptation: Miranda didn’t just write “a plot” and salt it with “a few jokes”. She carefully built tensions and different storylines to culminate together. Sometimes it’s a funny word that the character hears in the first act, and later nervously blurts out in the wrong moment. Sometimes it’s a parade of characters she met through the episode that all meet in one spot at the end. Or there is a throw away comment in the beginning of an episode that sets up a revelation toward the end.

I could swarm you with examples, a good one is in 1x03 Job: trying to impress Tilly, trying to deny waitressing, and then: the multiple “You weed in a ball pool?” and Gary in uniform walking in right on time to sell the lie about being an undercover commander. Another one of my personal favorites is in 2x04 A New Low, when Miranda in the end tells Gary that he lost her trust, and he’ll “never get to see her naked sweep” - and then he find’s the portrait Tamara did of Miranda’s “naked sweep”. Just hit’s right.

That is a testament to how well crafted the episodes are. In Call Me Kat? All Nighter and Gym had moments like that, and Double Date very early on set up Kat’s dream to use the sound system, but it just never reached that same level of mastermind.

But, in defense of CMK: Miranda was crafted over ten years with a full of 20 episodes airing (21 if you count the radio series) and the cast worked together a good year before they filmed the first series of 6 episodes. Compared to that, work on Call me Kat started around 2018, the cast was assembled in the first half of 2020 and started shooting in late October. They then shot 13 episodes in their first season. (which is more than half of the total episodes of Miranda, just saying) Sources: english wikipedia articles for Miranda and Call Me Kat, as well as Mayim’s Youtube. (Jep I did research for this.)

Also the CMK episodes were written and directed by a variety of people, while the Miranda episodes have all been at least co-written by Miranda Hart and all except for the last two were directed by Juliet May.

These are - as much as I as a humble consumer with a bit of wikipedia knowledge know - basic differences about how shows are made in the UK vs. in the US, and neither formula is any way of guarantee for the quality of the final product. However I think somewhere in those facts is the reason why the Miranda ship feels a lot more in shape and ... coherent. The pilot that we know and love is the fourth time they recorded the script, and I don’t even want to know how many times the script had been edited in between. The cast knew each other well, the material had been tested in front of multiple audiences. Call Me Kat had neither of these luxuries. On the contrary, CMK has been put together under restrictions due to the pandemic.

So on the one hand, I am majorly grateful that this show even got to see the light of day! That means that a full cast and crew had jobs in these trying times, and it means that we were provided with good entertainement.

On the other hand, the circumstances are showing in the final product. The cast had an awkward chemistry with each other, and the comedic timing, though not horrible, could have been a lot better.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think studio audiences can be a blessing. There is something about the actors having a genuine connection to real time observers that helps me as a screen audience connect to it. And for this staged multicam show that includes glances at the camera? I think a real audience would have grounded the concept. And it would have given the team a direct feedback as to which moments were working comedically and which weren’t.

What I’m trying to say is: they had big shoes to fill, and the odds were not really in their favor, and so it doesn’t really hold up in comparison.

That’s sad. But that doesn’t mean that it’s a horrible show. As I said in the beginning, I love that this show is done in the spirit of Miranda, even if it’s not just as good.

I have no idea how the show’s chances are to get a second season. If they do get renewed - I’ll keep watching.

-----

Now, let me finish with a few gifs that I feel like they can be applied to the whole “they remade Miranda and it went both ok and less then ok but at least the word is being spread, right?”-situation.

because Kat/Max is good but could anything ever be Miranda/Gary?

Not really...

ok that one’s a bit rude. but you thought it, too.

Jim turning in bed at night overthinking if Mayim was the right choice. But she was. Much like Stevie was for Miranda.

Honestly a very good part of the remake is Mayim and Cheyenne performing together! I personally think this moment above is responsible.

Trying to match the CMK characters to the Miranda characters like: I thought Phil is supposed to be the Customer but turns out Phil originally was supposed to a Phillys? So Phil is Stevie, but then who is Randi? Tilly? So many questions.

And with that, dear Caller, back to you.

[a-sleepy-reader]

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov: an Analysis and Review

Foreword

Trigger warning for themes of paedophilia, sexual assault, stillbirth, manipulation, violence, and tragedy as well as gruesome descriptions of death. If you want a review free of spoilers, please scroll to the section labelled ‘Conclusion/Review without spoilers.’

Introduction

Calling Lolita a controversial novel is a safe bet. Some readers revolt at its topic, others still protest it as the inspirational romance of the century. Both give Lolita a bad name. I will say it once very clearly; plot-wise, Lolita is a book about a paedophile who grooms, manipulates, isolates, and rapes a twelve year old girl. It is disturbing subject material to say the least, subject material that has to be given more thought than its protagonist’s ramblings of adoration for the book’s namesake. 

For instance, despite its fluctuating reputation, Lolita has found itself to be a playful and humorous novel to many, a “...comedy of horrors” according to the San Francisco Chronicle. So what is Lolita, exactly? A comedy? A thriller? Both? It is time to examine this twisted novel and see just how tangled its thorns are.

Plot synopsis

Humbert Humbert is a typical man by most standards: a handsome, French writer and professor with a soft spot for road trips… and little girls. 

Humbert categorises the sexes into the male, the female, and the nymphet, the latter of which describes peculiar young girls Humbert feels an intangible attraction to. It is with such a nymphet that Humbert self-describingly falls in love with; rambunctious twelve-year-old Dolores(whom he dons ‘Lolita). He cannot keep his mind off of her; ‘light of my life, fire of my loins.’ In however poetic a prose he may choose to describe it, Humbert feels a physical bond to young Dolores like to no one else since his dead childhood sweetheart. Humbert goes so far to pursue the girl that he marries her mother, whom he plots to drown in the blue depths of a lake to have Dolores all to himself. However, what Humbert describes as a work of fate led to the day Dolores’ mother’s brain lay strewn about the road, smeared by an incoming car. She didn’t need to be subject to Humbert’s schemes to die.

From there on, Humbert has legal custody over the twelve-year-old fire of his loins. Raping Dolores becomes a routine. Though she does initially say yes, she is a minor incapable of consent in the imbalance of a grown man with everything to lose if she is to either escape or stop the affair; she will lose her only family if she reports him, and risks breaking his heart if she cuts off the affair altogether-unfortunates only know what people do when they have nothing to lose. Orphaned and trapped, Lolita agrees to Humbert’s ‘love.’ As he described it, ‘she had nowhere else to go.’ 

Two years pass before Dolores falls ill during their second road trip and is taken out of the hospital by an uncle aware of Humbert’s affairs. By way of escaping with this newfound relative, Dolores is finally free from Humbert’s possessive grasp. Depressed by his separation from the girl, Humbert lives a miserable life for several years before receiving a letter from Dolores herself saying she is married and pregnant. Though Humbert suspects the man behind both titles is her own uncle, Dolores refutes this by saying that, though she was in love with him, they did not settle because she refused to be in his pornographic film.

Enraged with the uncle, Humbert arrives at Dolores’ uncle’s house and murders him before being arrested. It is here that we learn Lolita is Humbert’s autobiography of the events surrounding his ‘love’ for the book’s namesake. Though he wishes for the girl-turned-woman to live for a great many years, the victim, escapee, and survivor dies in 1952 during childbirth. Her offspring is a stillborn.

Analysis

It’s a curious thing, really. That so many interpret Lolita as a romance, I mean. Of course, it often presents itself in its writing as a summery romance to read on the beach. A handsome man meets a female. An attraction is felt. Male and female confess an attraction for one another which leads them on a series of road trips following the female’s mother’s incidental death. The language is no exception to this tone-just read the first paragraph: 

“Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.”

It’s made up of beautiful, flowery sentences, language suggestive of the pure romance of a man ‘in love.’ With a twelve year old girl he rapes. Yes, Lolita is one of those novels that wears many outfits, its outermost lining being that of a tragic love story of one traumatised man and his ungrateful lover. This perspective is especially interesting when taking into account Lolita’s exquisite writing; could the flowery language have prompted so many to interpret this book as a romance? Could Lolita be representative of how so many wield words to distract or deceive those trying their best to disapprove of them? Either way, few deny that Humbert is lying, to himself or to the reader, of exactly how the events of his fascination with Dolores occurred. Digging further into the book, Lolita becomes  an unreliable narrator’s documentation of the rape and manipulation directed toward a naive minor trying to cope with her mother’s death. Further still, it is a comedic satire of a paedophile’s attempts  to justify his crimes... and failing miserably. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I wasn’t even her first lover.” Deeper still and it’s one man’s search for his childhood sweetheart(dearest and deadest) he never finished loving, so he seeks, endlessly, to shower her lookalikes with unwanted ‘love.’ Without end. Without fulfilment. 

Lolita is a story of infinite stories.

Review

What first struck me about Lolita was its beautiful writing; its eloquent prose, imagery, and metaphors hopelessly hooked me from the first paragraph. Nabokov never ceases to use amazing similes, description, and personification to amplify the reader’s experience of the goings-on of Humbert and the girl. This is especially striking in contrast to its tragic subject material; Humbert will rape, and he will manipulate, and he will scheme a murder, and he will hurt so many innocent lives, but he will do so with seemingly effortless grace in the scribbles on a paper. 

Despite this, I did not find Lolita to be a difficult read regarding comprehension of the text. True, many a word I did not understand, but, despite this, I could always tell what was being communicated; the language is certainly not as dated as Hemingway nor Shakespeare. It may even be a calming read for those with a strong stomach, and will certainly teach a thing or two to those wishing to learn more about poetic writing styles done well. 

Some may find the book to be lacking in terms of plot and overall excitement, but I feel this is a subjective view rather than a relatively factual one; Lolita is not an action book. Nor is it a drama. Humbert sometimes spends pages describing the exact locations of a road trip, or exactly how he earned money in the 50’s, and so forth. Some may find this mundane; I will admit that I was, at times, bored by it myself. However, what Nabokov sacrifices in brevity he makes up for with a profound understanding of Humbert’s emotions, environment, and thoughts. 

One slight criticism I do, however, have, is that I found all of the characters in Lolita were fairly bland for me. True, Humbert is unique in his attempt to beautify the macabre, but beyond the initial shock factor of his morale and the revelation that he is seeking the love of a girlfriend from his childhood, Humbert can be mostly summarised as ‘quiet, manipulative, scheming, and possessive of Dolores.’ I was not invested in him as a character, probably due to a lack of good qualities within him; it is true that by one perspective, his story can be interpreted as tragic for him, though through the more common lens of Lolita being a 336-page manipulation of the severity of the atrocities of an evil man, Humbert loses all good qualities beyond his capabilities as a writer.

The same goes for Dolores herself, as I found her to be fairly two-dimensional; she is very sensory and seeks goods of food and adventure and she has a rambunctious heart unconcerned with how others’ feel nor how others perceive her. She is what many would call a ‘wild child,’ and though she becomes more withdrawn later in the book due to the numerous abuses she endured, I did not see much depth to her beyond face value. 

That being said, I certainly do not think the characters are bad, just that they are underwhelming in comparison to the rest of the story. 

I recommend Lolita to those enthralled by character-driven stories of nuanced emotions and traumas, a sort of story of the broken attempting to break the whole. If you are not put off by very thorough descriptions nor by a purposefully thin plot, I have the impression Lolita will revolt, horrify, hypnotise, and seduce its readers into its soft, macabre pages. 

I give Lolita a rating of 90%.

Conclusion/Review without spoilers

Lolita is a vile, endlessly layered story of trauma and the endless search for lost love, horrific abuses, of humorous wit and smirking irony, and of one man’s endless destiny of deceit. I suppose Humbert’s own initials best summarise the smile and wink this book will deliver as you holler at Humbert, weep for Dolores, or perhaps even vice versa. They do say Russians are witty, and Nabokov does not fail this reputation even when we analyse how Humbert Humbert’s initials sound in the author’s native language: 

Ha-ha.

[samsterham]

I want to write something about Sarah, heaven forbid my memory fails me someday.

She came to us with a broken femur. She was 92. Her surgery to repair it went well. She was 92, but still had things to do. She followed all the doctor's orders. She worked hard with physical therapy every time they came to see her. She worked hard to maintain her independence.

All the time she loved us, her caregivers. She was one of those patients that really made you love the job. She made it so you even appreciated the dirtier, less pleasant work. She made you want to do it just by being herself. She asked us about OUR days, how WE were doing, she wanted to hear about OUR lives.

Her children visited in some combination every day. Every single one of them was as sweet as her. They frequently gifted us with food & smiles & gratitude.

Next thing we knew, aweek had passed & she stopped progressing. We were so sure we would be able to send her to a skilled facility for rehab by now. But things kept going wrong. Small things that kept adding up. Preexisting comorbidities that previously had been fairly in control were beginning to bubble up to the surface. But she wasn't ready to succumb yet. She had things to do, life to live, people to love.

She ended up being on our floor close to a month. As one can imagine, there's a tendency to really get to know a patient when they're with you that long & you see them at least 3-4 days a week, 12 hours a day.

She loved to celebrate our good days with us, she loved to hear about our partners, children, activities outside of work. She also encouraged us to speak of our exasperations to her, so long as we were comfortable. It was impossible to be uncomfortable with her in any capacity. Inevitably, we opened ourselves to her as much as she did us & the lines between professional & personal would blur.

She keep deteriorating. She grew increasingly weaker despite her efforts with physical therapy, her consistency with eating & drinking & medication compliance, & her determination to keep doing her own ADL's as much as possible.

Sometime in week 3 her ability to swallow began to fail. She was given a nasogastric tube for nutrition & most meds. Unfortunately, the nutrition they supply have a tendency to wreal havoc on the GI tract & accidents are common.

She had managed to get from the bed to her recliner with PT, but had not been helped back before they left for the day, so the task fell upon us. We went to move her & her legs would. Not. Respond. Not even the uninjured leg. You could see the panic in her eyes as she tried & strained only to completely fail to summon the strength. It ended up taking a small group of us techs & nurses to get her up & pivot to the bed.

Once she was in the bed, I was tasked with cleaning her up a bit, which had become necessary due to the exertion. As I was washing her, she began sobbing.

She lamented how she had come to this point. The day she fell & broken her hip she had been driving her car. She was still living alone. She was walking & shopping. She was doing her chores, seeing her children & grandchildren & friends & going to church. She was still cooking & cleaning and & hosting. "No one has wiped my ass but me in 90 years, now I can't even do that myself!"

It's hard to know exactly what to say to people when it comes to this, when their minds & spirits are fully intact but their bodies fail & they're suddenly nearly or completely helpless. All you can do is listen, gently validate their feelings, assure them that there is absolutely no shame in what's happening to them. That you are in no way judging them & you are here to help in any way possible. In this specific case, I made the decision to offer up a little of my own vulnerability as well.

I told her about The Snow Mound Incident ™️. I prefer to spare this particular audience many of the details, as it is not for the squeamish. Essentially, I found myself in a predicament very similar to her most acute GI upset, which we were handling as we spoke. A key difference being well, a mound of snow at a ski resort in western NY state.

I asked her first if she was in a place mentally to hear the story, & if she was then I wanted to tell it because I felt it might lift her spirits a bit. She obliged.

I set the scene. I provided the necessary context & events which led to my misfortune. I embelished small bits & built up proper suspense. I drew it out just enough & imbibed as much comedic value & timing as I possibly could, then dropped the climactic bomb at the expense of my dignity. By the time I was finished her whole body was trembling. She was still crying but this time it was because her laughter was so intense.

She was still cracking up as I tucked her in & tidied up around me. I asked if she felt better. She said yes, thanked me, and hugged me goodnight.

I was off a few days & when I returned she had yet again taken a turn for the worse. Her doctors, nurses & therapists were rapidly running out of ideas. Her body just seemed to be giving up no matter how hard she fought. When I arrived, I was informed that her, her children & her doctors had mutually decided to stop fighting & she had been put on comfort measures.

Needless to say, this was devastating to everyone. All of us on the unit had become so invested in her & had come to love her dearly. It's never easy to lose a patient, but it's so much more difficult when they & their team work & fight so hard only for their bodies to still fail them.

She hung on almost another week. Her children & grandchildren were there around the clock. We turned a blind eye when 2 or 3 of them would stay the night.

I dreaded being off another few days, afraid I would come back & she would be gone. After I clocked out before my 2 day break, I spent some extra time with her & her family in her hospital room. Christmas had come & gone & the decorations from her children & grandchildren still adorned her hospital room. The lights were off save for the the gentle Christmas lights lining her window. We talked & laughed & held hands for awhile then we took time saying goodbye. Everyone in that room hugged me so warmly & spoke so kindly. Sarah was groggy but still lucid. She too hugged me tight, thanked me for taking such good care of her. She said she felt so lucky to have ended up on our unit, with our staff & that she loved us all & wished us nothing less than wonderful futures. I got in the car & sobbed.

The day I came back I had been moved from day to night shift. She somehow knew it was her last day. She knew I would be working that night. I clocked in at 5 minutes to 7 then made a B-line down the hall to her room.

Before I got there a cathartic sort of commotion sprang from her room.

As I stepped through her doorway, one of her children cried upon seeing me. "Oh Sam! You JUST missed her!"

She was gone. She ceased to breathe seconds before I got there, on New Years Eve, 2016.

They told me she had been asking about me all day. She knew she was leaving imminently & tried to hold on to say goodbye to the night shift crew.

We all started hugging & crying together. Several of my coworkers entered the room & we all hugged & cried.

More of us than necessary helped give her body a final bath & fresh linens. She truly looked peaceful. She looked beautiful & better than she had the last 2 weeks.

After completing my routine duties with my patients I went & had another cry in the breakroom.

A few weeks later we recieved a letter from her family. It praised all of us, from the doctors to us aides for our work, dedication, compassion, & love. They named 6 or 7 of us by name, myself included.

I copied that letter & hung it in my locker. I read it every shift, sometimes more than once if the shift was rough. That letter got me through some really tough days.

I don't have a huge reason for writing this tonight other than I was thinking about her, missing her, & missing my job. I felt like more people needed to know about Sarah & how amazing she was. I guess I hope too that anyone in the medical field who stumbles across this gets a boost from it. Things are historically tough for us all right now, notably those of us in the field. People are burning out extra fast & extra intensely. But maybe this will serve as a reminder of why we do this, & how mutually impactful patients & providers can be to each other.

May Sarah & her memory always keep me grounded & focused on why I do this. I love you Ms Sarah, thank you for all you did for me too.

[aaronmaurer]

TV I Liked in 2020

Every year I reflect on the pop culture I enjoyed and put it in some sort of order.

Was there ever a year more unpredictably tailor-made for peak TV than 2020? Lockdowns/quarantines/stay-at-home orders meant a lot more time at home and the occasion to check out new and old favorites. (I recognize that if you’re lucky enough to have kids or roommates or a S.O., your amount of actual downtime may have been wildly different). While the pandemic resulted in production delays and truncated seasons for many shows, the continued streaming-era trends of limited series and 8-13 episode seasons mean that a lot of great and satisfying storytelling still made its way to the screen. As always, I in no way lay any claims to “best-ness” or completeness – this is just a list of the shows that brought me the most joy and escapism in a tough year and therefore might be worth putting on your radar.

10 Favorites

10. The Right Stuff: Season 1 (Disney+)

As a space program enthusiast, even I had to wonder, does the world really need another retelling of NASA’s early days? Especially since Tom Wolfe’s book has already been adapted as the riveting and iconoclastic Philip Kaufman film of the same name? While some may disagree, I find that this Disney+ series does justify its existence by focusing more on the relationships of the astronauts and their personal lives than the technical science (which may be partially attributable to budget limitations?). The series is kind of like Mad Men but with NASA instead of advertising (and real people, of course), so if that sounds intriguing, I encourage you to give it a whirl.

9. Fargo: Season 4 (FX)

As a big fan of Noah Hawley’s Coen Brothers pastiche/crime anthology series, I was somewhat let down by this latest season. Drawing its influence primarily from the likes of gangster drama Miller’s Crossing – one of the Coens’ least comedic/idiosyncratic efforts – this season is more straightforward than its predecessors and includes a lot of characters and plot-threads that never quite cohere. That said, it is still amongst the year’s most ambitious television with another stacked cast, and the (more-or-less) standalone episode “East/West” is enough to make the season worthwhile.

8. The Last Dance (ESPN)

Ostensibly a 10-episode documentary about the 1990s Chicago Bulls’ sixth and final NBA Championship run, The Last Dance actually broadens that scope to survey the entire history of Michael Jordan and coach Phil Jackson’s careers with the team. Cleverly structured with twin narratives that chart that final season as well as an earlier timeframe, each episode also shifts the spotlight to a different person, which provides focus and variety throughout the series. And frankly, it’s also just an incredible ride to relive the Jordan era and bask in his immeasurable talent and charisma – while also getting a snapshot of his outsized ego and vices (though he had sign-off on everything, so it’s not exactly a warts-and-all telling).

7. The Queen’s Gambit (Netflix)

This miniseries adaptation of the Walter Tevis coming-of-age novel about a chess prodigy and her various addictions is compulsively watchable and avoids the bloat of many other streaming series (both in running time and number of episodes). The 1960s production design is stunning and the performances, including Anya Taylor-Joy in the lead role, are convincing and compelling.

6. The Great: Season 1 (hulu)

Much like his screenplay for The Favourite, Tony McNamara’s series about Catherine the Great rewrites history with a thoroughly modern and irreverent sensibility (see also: Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette). Elle Fanning brings a winning charm and strength to the title role and Nicholas Hoult is riotously entertaining as her absurdly clueless and ribald husband, Emperor Peter III. Its 10-episodes occasionally tilt into repetitiveness, but when the ride is this fun, why complain? Huzzah!

  5. Dispatches From Elsewhere (AMC)

A limited (but possibly anthology-to-be?) series from creator/writer/director/actor Jason Segal, Dispatches From Elsewhere is a beautiful and creative affirmation of life and celebration of humanity. The first 9 episodes form a fulfilling and complete arc, while the tenth branches into fourth wall-breaking meta territory, which may be a bridge too far for some (but is certainly ambitious if nothing else). Either way, it’s a movingly realized portrait of honesty, vulnerability and empathy, and I highly recommend visiting whenever it inevitably makes its way to Netflix, or elsewhere…

4. What We Do in the Shadows: Season 2 (FX)

The second season of WWDITS is more self-assured and expansive than the first, extending a premise I loved from its antecedent film – but was skeptical could be sustained – to new and reinvigorated (after)life. Each episode packs plenty of laughs, but for my money, there is no better encapsulation of the series’ potential and Matt Berry’s comic genius than “On The Run,” which guest-stars Mark Hamill and features Laszlo’s alter ego Jackie Daytona, regular human bartender.

3. Ted Lasso: Season 1 (AppleTV+)

Much more than your average fish-out-of-water comedy, Jason Sudeikis’ Ted Lasso is a brilliant tribute to humaneness, decency, emotional intelligence and good coaching – not just on the field. The fact that its backdrop is English Premier League Soccer is just gravy (even if that’s not necessarily represented 100% proficiently). A true surprise and gem of the year.

2. Mrs. America (hulu)

This FX miniseries explores the women’s liberation movement and fight for the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970s and its opposition by conservative women including Phyllis Schlafly. One of the most ingenious aspects of the series is centering each episode on a different character, which rotates the point of view and helps things from getting same-y. With a slate of directors including Ryan Bowden and Anna Fleck (Half-Nelson, Sugar, Captain Marvel) and an A-List cast including Cate Blanchett, Rose Byrne, Uzo Aduba, Sarah Paulson, Margo Martindale, Tracey Ulman and Elizabeth Banks, its quality is right up there with anything on the big screen. And its message remains (sadly) relevant as ever in our current era.

1. The Good Place: Season 4 (NBC)

It was tempting to omit The Good Place this year or shunt it to a side category since only the final 4 episodes aired in 2020, but that would have been disingenuous. This show is one of my all-time favorites and it ended perfectly. The series finale is a representative mix of absurdist humor and tear-jerking emotion, built on themes of morality, self-improvement, community and humanity. (And this last run of eps also includes a pretty fantastic Timothy Olyphant/Justified quasi-crossover.) Now that the entire series is available to stream on Netflix (or purchase in a nice Blu-ray set), it’s a perfect time to revisit the Good Place, or check it out for the first time if you’ve never had the pleasure.

5 of the Best Things I Caught Up With

Anne With An E (Netflix/CBC)

Another example of classic literature I had no prior knowledge of (see also Little Women and Emma), this Netflix/CBC adaptation of Anne of Green Gables was strongly recommended by several friends so I finally gave it a shot. While this is apparently slightly more grown-up than the source material, it’s not overly grimdark or self-serious but rather humane and heartfelt, expanding the story’s scope to include Black and First Nations peoples in early 1800s Canada, among other identities and themes. It has sadly been canceled, but the three seasons that exist are heart-warming and life-affirming storytelling. Fingers crossed that someday we’ll be gifted with a follow-up movie or two to tie up some of the dangling threads.

Better Call Saul (AMC)

I liked Breaking Bad, but I didn’t have much interest in an extended “Breaking Bad Universe,” as much as I appreciate star Bob Odenkirk’s multitalents. Multiple recommendations and lockdown finally provided me the opportunity to catch up on this prequel series and I’m glad I did. Just as expertly plotted and acted as its predecessor, the series follows Jimmy McGill/Saul Goodman on his own journey to disrepute but really makes it hard not to root for his redemption (even as you know that’s not where this story ends).

Joe Pera Talks With You (Adult Swim)

It’s hard to really describe the deadpan and oddly soothing humor of comedian Joe Pera whose persona, in the series at least, combines something like the earnestness of Mr. Rogers with the calm enthusiasm of Bob Ross. Sharing his knowledge on the likes of how to get the best bite out of your breakfast combo, growing a bean arch and this amazing song “Baba O’Reilly” by the Who – have you heard it?!? – Pera provides arch comfort that remains solidly on the side of sincerity. The surprise special he released during lockdown, “Relaxing Old Footage with Joe Pera,” was a true gift in the middle of a strange and isolated year.

The Mandalorian (Disney+)

One of the few recent Star Wars properties that lives up to its potential, the adventures of Mando and Grogu is a real thrill-ride of a series with outstanding production values (you definitely want to check out the behind-the-scenes documentary series if you haven’t). I personally prefer the first season, appreciating its Western-influenced vibes and somewhat-more-siloed story. The back half of the second season veers a little too much into fan service and video game-y plotting IMHO but still has several excellent episodes on offer, especially the Timothy Olyphant-infused energy of premiere “The Marshall” and stunning cinematography of “The Jedi.” And, you know, Grogu.

The Tick (Amazon Prime)

I’ve been a fan of the Tick since the character’s Fox cartoon and indie comic book days and also loved the short-lived Patrick Warburton series from 2001. I was skeptical about this Amazon Prime reboot, especially upon seeing the pilot episode’s off-putting costumes. Finally gaining access to Prime this year, I decided to catch up and it gets quite good!, especially in Season 2. First, the costumes are upgraded; second, Peter Serafinowicz’s initially shaky characterization improves; and third, it begins to come into its own identity. The only real issue is yet another premature cancellation for the property, meaning Season 2’s tease of interdimensional alien Thrakkorzog will never be fulfilled. 😢

Bonus! 5 More Honorable Mentions:

City So Real (National Geographic)

The Good Lord Bird (Showtime)

How To with John Wilson: Season 1 (HBO)

Kidding: Season 2 (Showtime)

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Kimmy Vs The Reverend (Netflix)

[sailorbadger]

Robin Hood episode ranking part 3 (25-17)

Here is the third part of my Robin Hood episode ranking. You can read parts 1 and 2 here [link] if you haven’t already.

25. 1x2 – Sheriff Got Your Tongue?

I don’t have a lot to say about this episode. The plot is alright, there is nothing too good or absolutely horrible happening. The scene between the Sheriff and Robin in the dungeons was great, and the dialogue was almost too good for this show. The episode does a good job establishing the dynamics between the characters. It’s just as average as it’s ranking would suggest.

 24. 2x3 – Childhood

We’re slowly moving from the “it’s alright” episodes to the “pretty good” episodes. I had originally ranked this episode a lot higher, but I can’t remember why. There’s nothing really wrong with this episode, but it doesn’t have anything that would make me want to put this closer to the top. Gisborne’s armor was absolutely ridiculous, which I appreciate for it’s comedic value. The season 2 plots are overall better than those of season 3, but the one thing this episode left me wondering is where are these kids’ parents. Allan once again shows that he is at his best as a spy, coming up with ways to save his own skin.

 23. 2x13 – We are Robin Hood

Before this rewatch, I would have ranked this episode a lot higher than this. But looking at it on its own rather than as the season finale, it’s just not that great. Everything in the episode is leading up to Marian’s death. And Marian’s death isn’t even done in the best possible way. I honestly feel like Marian as a character died the moment she had to give up being the Nightwatchman. Good things about this episode were the fact that we got to see a new location and Will and Djaq being adorable. Unfortunately, the episode just shoves three good characters out at the end. Will and Djaq’s departure isn’t given the time it needs (which mirrors the fact that Allan’s death is not given much time either at the end of season 3) and even though Marian’s death is given time, she ultimately dies because she’s at the center of a love triangle. Marian deserved better. If you take out the end, there is not really much substance to this episode. It’s nice to see Carter again, but he’s also just killed off quickly. The King is an interesting character and I think it would have been good to explore Robin’s feelings and loyalty towards him more.

 22. 1x11 – Dead Man Walking

This is one of those episodes where I just don’t have a lot to say. I like that we finally get an episode centered around John, since he doesn’t get to be in the spotlight a lot. There are a few fun moments, and even some emotional ones. I don’t really have anything to complain about, but nothing to really give the episode praise for either.

 21. 1x5 – Turk Flu

An archery competition is a very classic Robin Hood plot, and this episode puts a nice spin on it by denying Robin the opportunity to attend (at least until the very end). The tension between Marian and Gisborne is good as well. This is also Djaq’s first episode, and it does a pretty good job at introducing us to her, but it’s not that amazing in my opinion. I like that there is some distrust and prejudice on both sides at first, but it’s all dealt with and then they move on. (As opposed to episode 10, where I feel like the superstition-plotline was not handled well.) The episode is good, but it’s not the best this season has to offer.

 20. 1x6 – The Taxman Cometh

This is the first episode that has the fun spirit of adventure that I look for in Robin Hood stories. The plot is pretty interesting, and I liked the fake nun (if she had a name, I do not remember it). I wish she had gotten a little more development, along with the father-son duo. I loved Marian and Edward’s scene at the end. Unfortunately, this episode is pretty much the same as another episode much higher on this list, and between those two, I surprisingly enjoyed the other one more.

 19. 2x2 – Booby and the Beast

What do you get when you put Ocean’s 11, Indiana Jones, the costuming from seven different high school musicals and BBC’s Robin Hood into a blender? Season 2’s second episode, Booby and the Beast. Although the episode is the furthest thing from being historically accurate, the costumes are horrendous and the plot absolutely ridiculous, it’s still an enjoyable experience. The Count is a fun guest character. Overall, the episode is fun and stupid at the same time, but in a much better way than 3x7.

 18. 1x13 - A Clue: No

This episode has a lot going on, but unlike the episodes in season 3 that suffer from the same problem, this one handles it a lot better. The overall plot felt a little weak, and the big emotional moment of the season came in the previous episode. Still, this one had a good ending, one I would have been happy with if the show had ended up having only one season. Much is great in this episode. Robin is horrible to him, but that is not a negative thing. Instead it just improves the episode. It would have been nice if it had been addressed a little sooner than 2x12, but I’m still satisfied. The plot with the nobles being tricked by the Sheriff was probably the weakest part of this episode. The true tension was whether or not the wedding would be stopped in time. And Much delivers, since he is, after all, so amazing.

 17. 1x8 – Tattoo? What Tattoo?

I’m probably repeating myself here but I love Much. He’s great in this episode, even though he doesn’t have a big role. We finally see a different side to Robin here. So far he’s been fighting for justice, but this episode shows that when it comes to King Richard, Robin takes things personally. Marian is trying to tell herself that Gisborne is a better man than what he really is to deal with the fact that she will have to marry him. It’s great to see the gang being so loyal to each other rather than following Robin blindly. This is the point where Djaq becomes truly comfortable in her place within the gang.

We’ve passed the midpoint of the list! In part 4 I’ll go through the remaining episodes before the top 10, which will be in part 5.

[greencoded]

        ———       ❛       HEY ,  MY  LITTLE  RAGER  TEENAGER ,                                                           I’VE  MISSED  YOU  AROUND .       ❜

(  triggers  :  illness ,  death  ,  abuse.  ) (  beast  boy  ( 2014 ),  edited  ©  )

       —    quick  stats  :

full  name  :  garfield  mark  logan nicknames  :  gar ( preferred ) age  :  twenty - two  (  22  ) gender  &  pronouns  :  cisgendered  man  /  he  &  him  birthday  :  november  sixteenth  (  11 / 16 / 1997  ) zodiac :  scorpio  romantic  /  sexual  orientation  :  biromantic  &  bisexual   fandom  :  dc comics  /  teen  titans  (  2003 - 2006  ) occupation  :  dog - walker  

(  SCROLL  TO  THE  BOTTOM  FOR  PLOTTING  IDEAS  !  )

        —     memory  (  not  his  last  canon  memory  ) :

    ❛       — -    sweet  sounds  of  childish  innocence  spilled  from  your  lips,  arms  out  stretched  as  your  ran  around  your  parents,  finger - tips  brushing  the  soft  greenery  that  surrounded  the  trio.  though,  it  hadn’t  lasted  long  as  you  heard  your  father  call  your  name,  grabbing  your  arm,  scolding  you  for  being  such  a  distraction.  with  an  apology,  you  plopped  down  on  the  ground,  your  beige  shorts  now  being  rolled  between  your  fingers.  nibbling  at  the  inside  of  your  cheek,  you  parted  your  chapped  lips,  almost  as  if  to  say  something.  the  simple  fear  of  getting  scolded  once  again  held  the  question  in  your  throat,  deflating  once  again.  maybe  it  was  better  to  just  keep  your  mouth  shut,  wait  until  you  all  went  home.

   ❛       — -     the  hours  passed  and  passed  as  the  sweat  ran  down  your  forehead,  silently  suffering  in  the  cot  provided  to  you  by  your  parents.  god,  your  parents.   don’t  wake  them,  you  thought,  don’t  bother  them.  light  flicked  on  as  a  blood - curdling  sob  ripped  from  your  throat,  the  pain  gathering  your  chest. . .  in  your  arms.  for  a  moment,  you  felt  like  you’d  been  cared  for  as  your  father  held  you  and  asked  about  what  you  were  feeling  ;  it  was  just  more  research  wasn’t  it  ?  you  were  officially  part  of  your  dad’s  testing . . .  a  part  of  his  project.

  ❛       — -     with  a  sharp  pain  to  your  abdomen ,  the  chilling  sweats  stopped ,  but  the  pain  had  just  begun  as  your  felt  your  bones  begin  to  ache .  your  blood  temperature  rising  beneath  sun - kissed  skin .  blinking  awake ,  you  watched  as  your  fingers  looked  a  sickly  green  color ,  watching  the  color  run  up  your  arm  as  if  your  arm  was  made  out  of  paper  and  a  child  had  run  through  it  with  a  marker .  it  took  the  child  only  a  second  to  sit  up,  dull  nails  itching  and  scratching  at  the  skin  on  his  arms  as  if  the  green  hue  he  could  simply  rip  off  with  enough  effort .  no ,  no ,  no  ! 

(  there  should  be  a  gif  here  but  i  hated  all  of  the  ones  i  made.  imagine  a  scared,  sad  green  boy  !  )

 ❛       — -     sharp  canine  teeth  brushed  against  your  soft  bottom  lip  ,  not  understanding  any  second  of  what  had  been  happening  to  you  .  you  didn’t  want  this  ,  you  wanted  to  go  back  and  run  around  in  the  grass .  you’d  rather  be  scolded  by  your  parents  instead  of  this .  whatever  this  was .  you  wanted  to  be  normal. . .  not  whatever  you  are  now .  this  monster. . .   this  BEAST.

      —    alternate  san  francisco  bay  area ,  titans  tower  :

     — -     garfield  logan  works  for  the  titans  group ,  a  group  of  heroes  that  help  protect  california , operating  out  of  san  francisco .  and  as  the  resident  comic  relief  in  the  group ,  seriousness  is  not  something  he  ever  liked .  while  he  grew  up  with  two  parents  who  focused  on  their  science ,  it  never  really  rubbed  of  on  garfield .  at  least ,  not  the  way  they  wanted  it  to .  obviously  fate  had  a very  different  plan  for  the  logan  family.

      — -     around  the  age  of  eight ,  garfield  had  contracted  a  very  serious  illness ,  sakutia ,  which  is  likely  to  cause  death  in  two  hours  to  everyone  and  everything  but  the  african  green  monkey .  while  it  would’ve  killed  him,  his  father  decided  to  inject  him  with  and  antivenom  to  make  sure  he  lived.  though,  as  a  result,  the  illness  rewrote  his  genetic  code,  therefor  giving  him  green  skin,  green  eyes  and  green  hair.  along  with  pointed,  elf - like  ears  and  a  pair  of  sharp  canine  teeth.  along  with  the  physical  changes,  he  was  able  to  morph  into  any  animal  in  the  animal  kingdom.  though,  he  favors  changing  into  household  pets  (  dogs,  cats,  lizards,  snakes  and  the  occasional  guinea  pig / hamster ) .

       — -     the  torment  of  his  father  and  mother’s  abuse  (  mostly  verbal ,  scolding  him  for  giving  himself  a  virus  he  never  intended  to  have ,  calling  him  an  embarrassment ,  etc. )  led  him  to  becoming  a  reclusive  person  until  joining  the  doom  patrol ,  though  ,  shortly  after  he’d  heard  about  his  parents  boating  accident  which  contributed  to  their  death .  soon  enough ,  he  left  the  doom  patrol  and  joined  the  teen  titans ,  changing  his  reclusive  personality  to  being  the  comedic  value  that  the  titans  needed .  using  jokes  and  comedy  to  cope  with  the  death  of  his  parents  and  the  abuse  dealt  to  him  at  a  young  age.  now  a  valued  member  of  the  titans ,  garfield  logan ,  (  aka  BEAST  BOY  )  now  felt  like  he  had  a  place  to  call  home .  you  can  read  more  about  him  HERE  &  HERE ,  since  i’m  mixing  both  canons  into  one .

     —    alucard,  pennsylvania ,  present  day  :

     — -     if  you  haven’t  heard  of  garfield  logan ,  then  you’ve  definitely  HEARD  garfield  logan .  with  a  voice  that  could  burst  eardrums  if  you  got  too  close .  as  the  only  child  and  son  of  a  biology  professor  and  an  animal  biologist  ,  he  was  was  always  seen  a  somewhat  of  a  disappointment  through  the  eyes  of  his  parents.  both  of  them  taking  turns  and  asking  if  he’d  decided  to  go  to  college  yet  ,  if  he  knew  what  he  wanted  to  do  with  his  life .  and  the  answer  was  always  no .  much  to  the  dismay  of  his  parents .  and  while  it  break  his  heart  to  have  parents  that  didn’t  support  you  choice  to  skip  school  altogether  ,  it  was  simple  to  hide  behind  the  veil  of  slacker  friends  who  enjoyed  your  jokes .  it  was  easier  to  fake  a  smile  than  it  was  to  give  everyone  a  real  frown .

      — -     garfield  lives  comfortably  on  his  own ,  barely  making  rent  for  his  very  run  down ,  one  bedroom ,  open  living ,  studio  apartment .  working  as  a  dog  walker  doesn’t  as  much  money  as  he  hoped .  but  he  knows  walking  the  dogs  of  the  more  wealthy  people  in  PA  would  get  him  the  money  and  tips  he  needed .  not  to  mention ,  he’s  a  sucker  for  animals . 

     — -     to  make  a  long  story  short ,  garfield  it  quite  literally  that  dumb  ,  skater  kid  you  see  telling  dumb  jokes  with  his  hat  on  backwards .  he’s  got  a  heart  of  gold  and  can  be  a  little  dumb  sometimes .  but  it’s  always  with  good  intent .  a  total  sweetheart ,  but  will  rip  you  to  shreds  if  you  mess  with  someone  he  loves.  is  a  giant  mess  and  totally  not  ashamed  of  it  at  all .  will  do  everything  in  his  power  to  make  you  smile  !  just  a  goofy  boy  with  the  best  intentions  and  is  here  to  provide  you  with  some  sunshine.

    —   plot  ideas  !  :

001.  you  know  what  gar  needs  ?  more  friends.  specifically,  a  PLATONIC  SOULMATE.  by  that,  i  mean,  someone  who  has  so  many  things  in  common,  they’re  practically  the  same  person.  would  be  sick  if  they  were  one  of  his  skater  friends,  but  definitely  not  necessary.  don’t  get  annoyed  with  him  and  love  and  support  the  decisions  he  makes... even  if  they’re  dumb. 

002.  gar  absolutely  loves  being  able  to  annoy  people  to  no  end.  he  adores  being  able  to  make  people  smile  and  loves  making  people  angry  a  little  more.  so,  someone  who  could  get  annoyed  with  his  very  happy,  silly  and  goofy  demeanor  would  be  amazing  !  he  will  constantly  tell  you  childish  jokes  about  poop  and  tell  you  to  spell  ICUP...  but,  i  promise  he  loves  you.  and  maybe  you  keep  him  around  because  you  secretly  love  it  and  he  makes  you  smile  !

003.  please,  i  need  someone  to  simply  despise  gar.  get  mad  at  him,  make  him  cry,  ask  him  how’s  he’s  so  happy  being  a  failure  and  not  doing  something  good  like  his  parents.  if  your  muse  is  kind  of an  asshole,  this  is  perfect.  i  just  know  not  everyone  is  going  to  like  him  and  i  thrive  on  enemy  plots  !

[brookelynnsanders]

Practice Challenge - Prompt 2

A/N: Here is the second part. Thanks for my amazing beta @freykitten​ who tells me excactly what I need to here - even if I don’t want to. Mentions of @safiya-schreave​ and @clara-choii​

A sloughed down figure rests against a light grey wall, inhaling deeply. A rushy rose dress is spilling all over the floor, nearly swallowing the girl whole. She's desperate for a quiet break - without any judging eyes or snickered remarks. Her eyelids may cover the storm raging in her iris, but the angry waves inside her soul do not seem to calm down. 

She relives each moment. Each twisted revelation followed by the next misstep. No matter how hard she tries to silence her mind - her world doesn’t stop rotating around the past few days. 

The rage in her bones may have simmered down to a slight irritation, but that doesn’t mean she will forget. The disappointment in her father’s eyes the day she had raged like a hurricane finally letting loose, made her cave in at last. A semi apology halfway stuck in her throat was enough for her mum to drop the victim card. So all she had heard the next few days was what a lucky God’s daughter was.

And so the roll began - and not even Vanessa’s little rants could lift her mood this time.  

Now she is here. Far from home. Far from everyone she knows. Left to decide who she wants to be - who the world will see. One of thirty five.

With another deep breath Brooke grabs the leatherbound journal laying by her side. She opens a random page and carefully props up the book on her knees - staring at the blank paper infront of her. The words currently spinning on the merry-go-around in her head are very much waiting to be released onto the blank space. Steady fingertips grab the pen hidden in the back pouch, twirling it between freshly manicured nails. Yet it only hovers above the page, the blonde suddenly at a loss for words. 

So she does what she knows best - pouring out all piled up impressions of the day. Finally giving into the whirlwind of emotions she usually locks away.

Blank space. Here we go.

Let’s keep it simple.

Tea party

Boiling water oozes out of the cracks in my skull

Rephrasing my mantra until it ends up dull

Sticking to the roof of my mouth 

 Underlining the ever present drouth

Thirst is the security blanket I wrap around torn skin

While everyone else offers to fix me with a security pin

I stopped counting how often I’ve screamed “I don’t like coffee” at the top of my lungs

While still gulping down the bitter expectations - not just once

Who would’ve thought tasteless buds would find themselves in an award winning coffee roaster

With an unfastened seat belt going down a rollercoaster

Dolled up like the new edition of Barbie

While I secretly crave a quiet tea party

Brooke Lynn’s heart picks up its pace as the words pour out of the young woman’s soul. Only subconsciously registering what her heart reveals. The last lines spilling out of her guts like the ink droplets flying onto the recycled paper.

Well shit - now I feel worse.

Unease settels deep down in the young woman’s stomach, slightly disgusted by her own facade. She should be grateful to be here - one of the lucky few. Grateful her family cared enough to see her as a “good match”. Grateful to be normal - yes, normal. Because Brooke Lynn Sanders is normal. 

“There are comfier places to sit in than here, you know.” 

Brooke flinches at the sudden voice, before snapping her head around. Her pupils widen at the sight of a gem covered crown propped up on the head looking around the corner. Fuck.  Princess Safiya. 

"Oh really? Marble floor seems to be an upgrade compared to my usual existential crisis spot." Brooke attempts to keep her cool - locking away the storm threatening to take her last ounce of self perseverance - no need to lose her composure during her first encounter with a royal. Just be cool. Sayifa is just as human as you are - at least that's what she tells herself. 

The brunette raises both brows before coming around the corner fully. Her slender hands bury themselves into the pockets of her skirt. A skirt with pockets - nice. Good to know our princess also values practicality. 

"And where would that usual spot be?" 

"Concrete floor of the smoker area next to my university building or the very stained hardwood flooring of my flat," Brooke puts on a cheerful armour once she realizes this isn’t just a one liner conversation. Even chuckles a bit at the ridiculousness of all this. Not even 24 hours have passed since she arrived at the palace and she has already been transformed into a pretty doll, went through her second meltdown of the day, and now she is chatting with a Schreave. Sadly not the one her parents had hoped it would be. 

"Which university?" The woman asks with a slight humm in her silky voice. 

"University of Dakota. My home building is the Healthcare and Social Science complex! Very dull exterior if you ask me." Brooke shakes her head slowly and leans it against the wall, a smile creeping on her face. She remembers countless study breaks spend breathing in THC and contemplating her life decisions. Nina by her side - offering comedic relief - a well needed contrast to the blonde’s bitter remarks. Life seemed much easier then. Even though it wasn't so long ago. 

Her eyes roll to the back of her head for a brief second while she leans her head back. The contrast off the cool wall against her heated skin a welcomed distraction. Her grey eyes flick back to the princess, just in time to see the corner of her mouth tilting up and her barely noticeable nod. 

"Major?" 

The blonde blinks multiple times, a bit taken aback. Very surprised that the woman opposite her even cares. Or maybe she is just very polite.

"Psychology! I was actually about to finish my Bachelor's degree and apply for a Neuro Science Master", Brooke sighs deep before continuing, "but then this whole ordeal happened."  Her perfectly shaped  brows - the result of the makeover she wouldn’t like to repeat - raise high as she purses her lips. 

"Really." The princess breaks her flow with another hum. "Have any specific plans after Master’s?" 

If I even come that far, Brooke adds mentally. 

"Becoming a famous scientist," the blonde answers after a brief pause and let's a little laugh bubble up in her throat. "May sound like I am reaching for the stars, but I would love to get a PhD degree and have an impact as a researcher." 

Brooke knows the exact phrasing of the answer by heart at this point - having had to defend her dreams to multiple judgemental family members. Long used to the "psychology is not a actual science" snickers following her around. 

After a brief pause the blonde attempts to shift the focus of the conversation. "Aren't you in the medical or more like science-y field as well? Or am I mistaken…" 

A small smile appears on her counterpart’s perfectly shaded lips. "Not the stars, a PhD is perfectly attainable. But, yes, ‘science-y’ field is correct. Second year medical student." 

So Brooke's assumption was correct, and the woman opposite her seems more open minded than her relatives.

"Oh wow!" Brooke Lynn adds, impressed. "People who have the guts to study medicine really impress me," she mentions with a little smile. "How come did you choose such a difficult major?" She’s a little bit unable to imagine how people can put themselves through so much stress. She pulls regular all nighters for research purposes, however, medicine just seems like the most direct path to a burnout.

"I’d like to help people. Even more than what my current position allows," the brunette pauses. Brooke wonders if the woman already regrets saying too much. "You said Neuro. Anything specific you’d like to research?" 

"I actually have the same reason for my career choice, and not to sound offensive, but I find DID, Schizophrenia, and personality disorders really fascinating, and that's why I would love to find out more about the mechanisms involved in those disorders. In order to contribute to better treatment methods - obviously. Also, in general there are so many brain areas we only have mere assumptions about - yet not much factual evidence."

Once she takes a deep breath after her last sentence, she gifts Princess Safiya and awkward smile after having realised she ranted a bit. Three years of ongoing studies - and she is still as passionate about her dreams like she was on the first day.

The brunette shakes her head in response, some curls escaping her tight updo. "Don’t feel embarrassed. Those are commendable reasons, partly why I want to go into that field as well." Princess Safiya tilts her chin down a bit, before speaking up again, which makes Brooke painfully aware that she is still slumped against the wall. "I wish you luck with that... “ A seemingly confused blink accompanies the sudden silence. “I’m sorry, I didn’t ask for your name." 

The blonde finally gets up from the ground, grabs her journal, and carefully straightens the fabric of her pastel pink skirt with her other hand before introducing herself. “I'm Brooke Lynn Sanders - but, please, just call me Brooke!” Her last ounce of enthusiasm spills out of her with a grand smile, while she attempts to a courtesy, barely remembering appropriate manners. Thank god her ballet lessons at least taught her how to do a proper courtesy - she might be a bit rusty, though.

“Brooke.” The name rolls off her tongue like it somehow actually belongs there, like they were meant to meet. With a single nod she approaches her farewell. “Well, I wish you luck in your studies. And for your time here at the palace.” Her regal frame now takes a step backwards.

“Thank you very much! It was lovely meeting you,” Brooke adds while letting her glance wander around. The grey walls and gold framed portraits unfortunately giving no indication where she is. 

“Do you know, by any chance, how I can find my way back to my chamber?” Embarrassed laughter disruptis her question as nervous fingertips cradle her neck. “‘Cause it seems like I am lost.”

The princess gestures down the hall to their left, showing her the way. “End of this hallway, keep to the right until you see the main staircase. That’ll be on your left. Second floor is given to the Selected. I’d show you myself, but I have a meeting to get to.” The raise of her brows shows off the glowy highlight on her brow bone while just making sure the blonde would make it alright.

“I am pretty confident I will,” Brooke adds with a confident wink, before saying her finale goodbye. “It was a pleasure talking to you, your royal highness.” A slight grin tugs at the corner of her mouth as the formal title barely rolls of her tongue. “I wish you a lovely evening.”

The  brunette's lips fall open, but she pauses before letting a word flow from her consciousness and offers a small, polite smile instead. “You as well, Brooke,” are her last words before she turns away.

The soft clicking sounds still reaches Brooke Lynn’s pinna long after she last saw the long train of the royal’s skirt being dragged across the marble floor. A silent tug on her heart bringis the mesmerized woman back to reality. The blonde blinks a few times before shaking her head and deciding to finish her writing in her chamber, hoping her maids have finally left, just so she can reflect in peace.

End of hallway - right - second floor

End of hallway - right - second floor

End of hallway - right - second floor

Now what ?

Brooke really should have memorized the location of her room a bit better. So all she can do now is stroll around the halls of the second floor without any concrete plan. 

Well, it turns out that nearly all the halls look identical, and the only thing she remembers about her room is that it overlooks the garden. So as she wonders through the hallway, wondering if she just took a wrong turn, she bumps into someone.

“Oh gosh - fuck, I'm sorry”, the blonde exclaims at impact, before she scolds herself for cursing.

“Oh, sorry! Wait... Brooke?”

Brooke Lynn’s pupils blown wide as she recognizes the person opposite her. “Clara? I barely recognized you!” She exclaims with a smile. Giving herself a moment to take in the girl in front of her. Her once light blonde hair is now replaced by a gold brown colour, and the selected uniform has been swapped for a sleek A-line dress.

“You look great! But,” Clara tilts her head as she takes a brief pause - giving the the girl opposite her a brief one over, “is it you, though?”

“Thank you, don’t you think I would have chosen such a wonderful dress?” Brooke deadpans with an extravasated smile, and she twirls around before pretending to throw up. “Well - I actually asked them earlier why they can't just put me in a suit, but apparently that's not "lady-like enough" - so they forced me into this baby pink dress just to spite me.” 

The blonde is still very bitter about this aspect of her makeover, just feeling incredibly trapped in this doll persona her stylists had created.

Clara rolls her eyes and smirks at Brooke’s complaints. “Tell me about it. They threatened to tie my legs together because I wouldn't stop tapping my foot.”

Brooke can’t help but let out a laughter. “Sounds like our stylists were in a similar mood! Also, like, how did you let them do this to your hair?” she adds in disbelief. “You were such a pretty blonde!”

“I can always dye it back.” The smile on Clara’s face makes it seem like she actually believes that statement. Ohh honey. Brooke’s split hair dye phase is still haunting her to this day.

“And don't tell anyone this, but I heard one of them call me whitewashed,” Clara whispers - even tho no stylist would possibly have access to this floor.

“She wasn't wrong, not gonna lie. It just hurt a little coming from her,” the now-brunette ends on a more serious note. The sting present in her voice.

Brooke’s smile falls and only manages to mutter,  “ohh Clara. I am so sorry.”

Shakes her head, probably attempting to get rid of the memory. “It's alright. It hurts now, but it'll pass. So, where are you headed?” she asks after a brief pause, opening up a new page.

“I hope it does, Clara - I was actually attempting to find my room, but apparently that is easier said than done. The only thing I still remember is that I have the view of the royal garden.” Brooke pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, not even caring the pink lipstick could rub off onto her teeth.

“Not sure if I'm right, but I think that's the opposite of where my room is... so maybe that way?” Clara points out the way she recommends the blonde to take. However, even she seems to be confused in this maze.

“Well, that's the direction I just came from,” a laughter bubbles up her throat. “I freaking knew I took a wrong turn.” Brooke shakes her head in amusement until her glance falls back onto the girl standing next to her. “Where are you headed, tho?”

Clara joins Brooke’s laughter before revealing, “Nowhere. Just walking around.” Her dark brown eyes slowly scan the hallway surrounding them. “It's really pretty.”

“I did the same thing. That's how I got lost in the first place. Just wanted to find a quiet spot.”

The feeling of feathers buzzing in her bones had been so overwhelming she could have run towards the stars if she needed to. But now? Now, all of a sudden, the itch in skull has simmered down, leaving her room to breath. 

“Yeah, I could use some quiet time too.” A quiet sigh leaves the girl’s lips as they just stand in comfortable silence for a minute.

“Do you think the people here ever get lost? Even the royals? This place is hu-uge.” She accompanies the stretch of the “u” with a large gesture - not even encapsulating an inch of this space. “It can almost fit a whole city.”

“At least I hope so - would definitely make me feel less bad for getting lost.” the blonde adds with a quirky raise of an eyebrow.

A visible shiver overcomes Lady Clara swiftly, which leaves her speechless for a cold minute. “Man, I feel guilty all of a sudden.”

“What's wrong?” Brooke let’s concern slip through her facade. One time won’t ruin a reputation.

“I don't know. It just occurred to me how privileged we are to be here -- upgraded to threes, living in an unnecessarily large castle, eating good food,” the woman digresses as her eyes widen abruptly. “Am I bothering you? I'm not thinking too much, am I?”

“Hey, don't worry. Everyone over thinks a bit. And yes, we may be privileged, but we can also make use of this privilege in whatever shape or form. May it be a representation, addressing certain concerns of the public directly to the crown prince, and any other way one could think of,” The blonde attempts to soothe her worries, all too familiar with that same kind of fear.

“Wow. Someone who actually gets me,” the girl whispers, smiling from ear to ear, as if the woman has somehow physically touched her heart.

And well, maybe Clara’s heart wasn't the only one to feel a slight tug. 

As if someone could really melt the ice around my heart.

“Listen, I know this is a competition and we don't know each other much, but I'm glad we met.” 

Brooke nods along with a small smile. Very flattered by the compliment according to the slight blush heating up her cheeks. “It's very nice having someone to talk to.”

Not one to easily overload someone with love and affection at first sight.

“So, the interviews are coming up soon. Are you nervous?”

“Uff.” Brooke’s grey eyes are now fully on display - pupils widen i in shock. “I actually completely forgot about that. To be fair it's a bit intimidating to talk the Prince, but at the same time - what do I have to lose? Let's see if I can keep my etiquette straight and be a nice lady.”

She hopes her weak joke still manages to deflect the insecurity hidden in her voice. 

“Right? But honestly, I feel more intimidated by the princesses than Arin himself,” the girl reveals with a laughter sprinkled into the conversation.

“Ohh really?” Surprise is basically written across Brooke Lynn’s face. “Princess Safiya seems really nice.” Might have to do with the fact I actually met her, thought -

“She does.” Clara leans in close, her hair tickling the tip of her eyebrow, and whispers, “but I've been hearing rumors about Arin and his mom.”

The blonde feels very intrigued all of a sudden and asks if Clara would mind sharing. She’s never cared much for rumors or gossip - but what else could be exciting in this place?

“I don't know much, but apparently Arin and princess Mélanie aren't on good terms. No one knows why.”

Pink stained lips slightly fall apart into an O-shape. Curiously waiting for her counterpart to continue. 

“That's all the stylists would talk about. That and the break up... I don't want to believe them, but I can't stop thinking about it.”

“I mean, gossips don't always have to have an ounce of truth to them... But the stylists work at the palace, so there might be some truth in that.” Brooke indulges herself for a second in to the mystery of it all - letting her thumb and index finger caress her chin before she pulls herself back together. “I  mean, I don't wanna snoop around in their business... But you got me kind of intrigued.”

“Yeah, that's what I thought too. I guess it's just because it's the only thing I've ever heard about them from arguably reliable sources,” the brunette adds with a short scof, before jumping to the next topic. “I'm just really nervous about the interviews and I really don't know much about them. I’m worried I won't make the right impression”

”Listen if you are right for Arin - you'll make the right impression on him. You seem like a really sweet person, Clara. You have nothing to worry about.” Her initial brick wall is slowly softening for the gem reminding her of four-year-old Brooke, terrified of her first ballet lesson.

”I, on the other hand, might accidentally insult him with my dry humor,” she attempts to lighten the mood with an awkward giggle.

“Hey, we never know. Maybe he likes dry humor,” the shorter girl adds with a smile and pats Brooke on the shoulder as if she was the one needing reassurance.

“We'll see about that!”

“And if he's right for you, he'd definitely reconsider different means of transport instead of those awful planes,” Clara adds with a giggle.

Apparently Brooke Lynn’s rant about planes and their environmental impact left a lasting impression.

“I fucking hope so,”  the self proclaimed environmental activist exclaims enthusiastically - her statement being heard from the adjacent corridor. Yet once she realised the f-word had slipped her again, she dramatically slaps her hand over her lips. “I am pretty sure I am not allowed to swear,” she mumbels while looking around before a loud snort escapes between her fingertips.

It’s no surprise Lady Clara crinkles her nose in laughter at her sight.

“Ugh, so many rules,” she adds with one last giggly breath before putting on a serious face. “I hope it'll all be worth it.”

“I doubt it will be. But, hey, I’m in for a good time, not a long one.” Brooke adds a wink for good measure, not yet ready to share how she even ended up here in the first place.

A stomach grumble pulls Brooke back out of her thoughts. “Someone's hungry?”

Clara answers with a chuckle, “Do they have room service or something? Are we allowed to eat when it's not meal time?”

“I fuck-” Brooke catches herself and restarts her sentence - like a real lady -, “I really hope they do. Your best bet would probably to ask your maids.”

“Ah, right. I guess I better get going then; unless you want to join me.”

A tempting offer, but Brooke certainly has emptied her capacities for social interactions today. 

“Thank you, Clara, but I am actually not really hungry! I'll see you tomorrow morning then?”

Reminding herself that this isn’t just all fun and games. Some rules even apply in certain realistic nightmares.

“Alright. It was really nice seeing you again, Brooke!”

Brooke slightly waves the girl goodbye.

“See you tomorrow”, the brunette giftis her one last smile and walks away in the opposite direction of were Brooke’s room is meant to be. She should really go back and rest.

But all her body craves is to stay in place. Now stare at the empty space. Praying all of this is just a really drawn out dream.

[deltaengineering]

Summer Anime 2019 Part 1: no more intros

Araburu Kisetsu no Otome-domo yo. / O Maidens in your Savage Season

❓ There’s an outbreak of puberty in a high school literature club and things get really awkward really fast.

✅✅ This doesn’t pull any punches with the horny content and it’s hilarious.

✅ I like the characters as well, they seem to have a bit more to them than normal but they’re still likeable.

✅ Nice looking and well directed.

♎ Mari Okada’s trademark blunt writing is still there, though it works better here than it usually does. She really has gotten a lot better since she started writing more personal stuff instead of just vague supernatural seishun feels.

 Dr. Stone

❓ A mysterious disaster turns everyone on earth into stone. Several millennia later some shounen characters are the first ones to awake and they do some caveman chemistry.

✅  The idea is pretty novel by Weekly Shounen Jump standards.

♎ I have to say that for a WSJ joint, the writing is fairly tolerable as well. It’s still dumb, but not insultingly so.

❌ But in the end, it’s still WSJ and you’re still just watching a bunch of terrible looking meatheads doing basic science on the level of a YouTube primer and shouting about how awesome that is using assorted catchphrases.

❌ And it’s on the same day as another shounen-ass shounen, to which it is inferior. More on that later.

Dumbbell Nan Kilo Moteru / How Heavy are the Dumbbells you Lift?

❓ Doga Kobo x bodybuilding

♎ This is possibly the least surprising anime of the season, because all you need to know is what the Japanese bodybuilding meme is and what Doga Kobo usually does. Well, there’s no loli this time at least.

✅ Not surprising + Doga Kobo = looks good

♎ It’s not exceedingly funny but it’s competent enough at comedic timing.But some one-note jokes (such as Akemi being thirsty for muscle) get old.

✅ Doesn’t rock my socks off but it’s alright for the time being. Pretty competent and with room for improvement with more characters.

Enen no Shouboutai / Fire Force

❓ A boy with a hero complex becomes a firefighter. Since this is a shounen universe by the author of Soul Eater, this is rather literal: Get ready to punch fire demons.

✅ You ready for some DUMB ANIME SHIT? Because this is a lot of that, in a good way. In particular is gets the tone right and is neither too clowny nor too grim. Mostly.

✅✅ Looks amazing. The production is top notch and the fire is especially impressive - it better be, because there’s a lot of it. The design is also good.

❌ Shounen writing rears its ugly head again. I don’t expect subtlety, but a dozen flashbacks to Shinra’s not-very-complicated backstory plus his incessant insistence on being A HERO are not a good sign at all. At least this time the blah is limited to the thematic core instead of everything.

✅ I was entertained for now, but I’ll have to see if the good production values can keep it up and make up for the simplistic core in the long run.

Granbelm

❓ Average girl becomes magical, summons a mecha and gets involved in a magical mecha fighting ring.

✅ This looks pretty neat, seeing as it is made by the Re:Zero team.

✅ Since it’s an original, there is much less LN jank in the writing though.

♎ Still feels mostly like a mashup of very generic anime tropes - reminiscent of Mai-Hime, of all things. It might go somewhere, but might just as easily not.

♎ In particular, it might start copying Re:Zero’s derpier aspects. It already has a fondness for the ragefaces.

✅ Since it’s not in fact isekai, it is allowed to throw shade on isekai.

Joshikousei no Mudazukai / Wasteful Days of Highschool Girls

❓ Some highschool girls chat about boys and whatnot.

♎ There really isn’t much to say about it, to be honest. The characters are okay but very archetypal, it looks average, and the humor is neither amusing nor particularly annoying. It seems to have a severe lack of personality - especially compared to Maidens, which is this show with the safety off.

❌ It is, however, just far too long. These kind of mild 4koma antics wear out their welcome at full length and without anything else it becomes tedious. All the segments feel disjointed and random anyway, so there’s really no upside to yawning through 24 minutes of it.

Kanata no Astra / Astra Lost in Space

❓ Several anime characters get lost during summer camp on a distant planet and have to find their way home in an FTL spaceship they stumble across.

♎ Speaking of archetypal characters - you couldn’t put together a more anime cast together if you were making a parody. You got your spiky-haired protagonist, dim genki girl, big boobed shy fujoshi, sparkling ikemen, brooding rival, androgynous twink, glasses wearing supergenius, a tsundere and a loli. They work very hard to establish this too.

✅ Apart from this ridiculous assortment of memes, Astra leaves a solid impression. The scifi universe isn’t completely nonsensical, and the concept has potential.

✅ It’s well put together too, with good direction and high production values.

❌ The only real negative is that Astra can’t shut up about its protagonist’s backstory. There were about as many repetitive flashbacks in this episode as in the first episode of Fire Force, and it’s only not as bad because Astra’s was double length. If this remains persistent, it may be more annoying than it’s worth.

Katsute Kami Datta Kemono-tachi e / to the Abandoned Sacred Beasts

❓ In a grimderp version of the American Civil War, nobody stops to think that turning people into murderous animal hybrids might not be a good idea and might leave some grudges after the war is over.

♎ Looks average at best. If it’s trying to be Fullmetal Alchemist, I have some bad news for everyone involved.

❌ This definitely can’t be taken seriously, because it’s so contrived and on top of it the tone is all over the place. It can turn from graphic massacres to funny hijinks to inhumane experiments on a dime. To work as intended, it would need a far more delicate hand on all levels.

♎ That said, by the end of it, when there’s a pileup of tragic betrayals and one CAIN MADHOUSE turns out to be a moustache-twirling villain with a cackle to match, it comes close to being the entertaining kind of schlock.

♎ Since this was only the setup, it might be worth it to find out what the actual plot is like going forward.

The Case Files of Lord El-Melloi II: Rail Zeppelin ~grace note~

❓After getting punked in the fourth Heaven’s Feel, Waver decides he wants to try his luck in the viper’s nest that is the Clock Tower (if you did not understand any of that, this show is not for you)

✅ Fate has the moneybags and moneybags make shit look good

❌ I would like to watch a dark comedy about the backstabbing and incompetence at the Clock Tower - The Death of Kayneth, if you will. However, there are only the mildest traces of this in Case Files and it takes itself far too seriously.

❌ Since I bounced off this show the second time now (there was an episode 00 a few months ago) I don’t know if I want to give this show even more chances to prove to me it’s not heartachingly dull. It’s not really funny and there’s barely any action.

♎ That leaves character drama. I do like Waver but not enough to watch him mope about his bro Iskander being dead all day. The rest of the characters are a mixed bag and evidently not good enough to keep the show going on their own.

Maou-sama, Retry!

❓ 💩

💩💩 100% of all the isekai shit and nothing else. This is highly derivative and amateur even by the standards of highly derivative amateur isekai LNs.

💩💩 Looks like absolute garbage even at ep 1. I should be happy that no talent is going to waste here.

💩 The least offensive aspect is that our MMO-reborn haxlord picks up a tiny Ramrem for casual dadfeels. It still sucks and there’s another show this season that does this better.

Sounan desu ka / Are You Lost?

❓ Comedy short about girls stranded on a remote island learning basic survival skills.

❌ One girl is hypercompetent at survival, the others are not. Hope you think this is comedy gold cos it’s all we got.

❌ show bad

Tejina-senpai / Magical Sempai

❓ Girl with breasts is an enthusiastic amateur magician and is so bad at it that every attempt ends in some compromising position.

❌ We can only afford one joke per comedy short, okay? Do you think we’re made of money and/or talent?

❌ This one is quick on the draw with the segments at least, and crams in 6 instead of the usual 2-3. So it’s theoretically less tedious, but in practice it’s all a blur of unfunny either way.

❌ show bad

Uchi no Ko no Tame naraba, Ore wa Moshikashitara Maou mo Taoseru kamo Shirenai. / If It's For My Daughter, I'd Even Defeat A Demon Lord

❓ Handsome young adventurer finds an orphaned devil child in the forest. Dadfeels ensue.

✅ So this is the one that does Maou Retry’s core aspect better. And it does it quite well, in fact; it’s cute and wholesome.

✅ Basically it’s Sweetness and Lighting with JRPG questing instead of cooking. That show was alright.

❌ However, to make up for being good at something, know that it has absolutely nothing else. The setting is off-brand JRPG mush and not even attempting otherwise, the production values are pedestrian.

♎ Apparently this turns into a fantasy version of Usagi Drop down the line. I’m not one to mark it down for that now, but that doesn’t sound too great. However, it’s questionable if 1. the anime gets there 2. the anime goes there and 3. I watch the anime enough for the problem to even arise. It’s not that good.

[bunnykaye]

Agents of SHIELD 1x06 Rewatch Recap:

the very first scene of 1x06 involved camping kids telling each other scary stories… seems fitting since 1x06 aired Nov. 5, ‘13 -- a little past Halloween!

“I don’t sweat… i glisten”

“A man of my age? That’s something you say to an old person”

... and Jemma’s awkwardness HAHAHAHAHAH

dkw Ward is so particular with the Night-night Gun ounce… like WTF LOL

“I’m Agent Grant Ward. I could shoot the legs off a flea from 500 yards… as long as it’s not windy” 😂🤣😂🤣

GOOD LORD I HAVE FITZDAISY FEELS HERE BYE 😭😭😭

.... ALSO, this was the ep that ended Fitz’s crush on Skye, except for the first 5mins of the ep. He was still crushing on her when he said that “about like we do”… and he also acted a bit jealous when Skye mentioned Miles LOL

and then Skye HAD TO add that “it’s like you’re psychically linked” part. AH YES, OUR SHIP CAPTAIN SKYE EMERGES. *applause* BLESS HER!!!!!

“I am Agent Grant Ward… and I can rupture your spleen with my left pinky… blindfolded” 

FitzSimmons imitating Ward -- an instant CLASSIC 🤣🤣🤣

“so sad a man died this way.. and yet so amazing” OH JEMMA YOUR FASCINATION FOR ANYTHING MORBID IS SHOWING. LOOOL

Coulson asking FitzSimmons and them just blabbering on top of the other LOL.. GOSH I MISS THOSE DAYS!

... and then Jemma getting near the floating body… I mean we been known but SWEETIE NO

“Everybody looks clean on their first go-round” COMING FROM YOUR MOUTH, WARD? *cackles loudly*

“She lied to us.” -- AGAIN. Gossshhhh i’ve watched FZZT quite a number of times (it’s one of my most rewatched eps!) but the lies that come out of Ward’s mouth still amazes (and baffles!) me UGH

May and that poor kid — lmao

FITZSIMMONS ARGUING!!!!! And the source of many Academy fics with the cat and the lab and Fitz’s aversion to anything that involves dissections lol

Coulson and Ward discussing how to open the barn door  — and then May just kicks it like NBD. LMFAO

Fitz mentioning that metals were around the body of the 2nd victim — like an electromagnetic field was present — AND I JUST NOTICED THIS BIT NOW!!! Like I knew from rewatching the ep numerous times that certain metallic things float around the victim before he/she releases that electric pulse, but it’s just now that I learned that Fitz already had an observation about it THAT early on the ep. omg

Coulson reassuring the 3rd victim and just talking him through what will happen to him. It just goes to show how compassionate and how Coulson values every single life.

You can see the tiiiiiiniest bit of weariness to Jemma’s makeup/appearance when Coulson was talking to her after Fitz screened Coulson/May/Ward. She already looks a bit sick but not deathly sick. Kudos to AoS’ makeup team!

May asking if Coulson was alright when he requested for the physical

“You’d tell me if something’s wrong”

... as well as her reassuring him about what happened to the fireman

her concern for Coulson is very apparent on this ep y’all

AAAAAAAANNNNNNDDDDDDDD THEN SHIT GOES DOWN.

poor Jemma.. having no idea a thing was already floating around her and just finding out when Coulson quarantined the entire lab 😳

the look on Coulson’s face thooooooo. PURE HEARTBREAK!

the look of pure panic on Fitz’s face while he was building the device for the antiserum!

“There’s only one person on this plane capable of finding a solution for this. And i’m willing to bet my life that she will.” Coulson’s trust on his team knows no bounds :)

“She’s just a kid” THAT LINE IS SO HEARTBREAKING OK

Ward and Skye’s moment. Up until this point IDK whether that concern, that tender moment he shared with Skye was just for show. If I had no idea about what this show was about and I started to watch this ep, I would assume he really was that concerned with them. 😑

AAAAAAAANNNNNNDDDDDDDD THEN WE HAVE PURE FITZSIMMONS GOODNESS RIGHT HERE Y’ALL

THE SCENE that probably started the army of SS FitzSimmons. While it is debatable whether this was Fitz’s a-ha! moment, or the moment when he realized that he IS in love with Simmons, I think this was THE MOMENT when he realised that he couldn’t live without her, or AT LEAST cannot fathom the thought of her not around. His “you’ve been beside me the whole damn time” was ICONIC for that very reason.

... ALSO the progression of Jemma’s makeup omg

the FitzSimmonsing moment here was FREAKING GOLD too. They really do share the same mind!

... ALSO Fitz was already crying throughout that whole exchange hOLY SHITBALLS

He didn’t even hesitate to break quarantine and enter the lab WITH the Chitauri helmet. That’s AMAZING FRIENDSHIP right there, Y’ALL. (Also LOVE, but don’t tell Fitz, LOL)

“We’re gonna fix this. TOGETHER.” YOU’RE NOT CRYING, I’M CRYING.

AND the “FZZT” score on the background while FS were creating the antiserum WILL NEVER NOT BE ICONIC!!!!

the look of heartbreak on Skye’s face!!! 😭😭😭

Jemma looking deathly sick and saying how to inform the news to her parents TO Coulson!!! This was the moment when we realized how Elizabeth Henstridge can KILL US with her amazing acting. TRULY.

Coulson STILL trusting his team/Jemma to the very end even if he knows the repercussions of him letting infected Jemma in the plane.  WE STAN A GREAT LEADER.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but THIS IS THE FIRST EP WE’VE HEARD FITZ CALLING SIMMONS JEMMA. LKSDJSALJDALJSDSA

Let’s not forget Iain in his AMAZING ACTING in this ep too!!! IAIN + LIZ = FREAKING ACTING POWERHOUSES! The “comedic” duo of the show on S1 throwing all the EMOTIONAL STUFF right in this ep. AMAZING.

FITZ REALLY WAS GOING TO JUMP AFTER HER MY HEART

Ward doing the Bond-esque jump tho

Coulson reprimanding Jemma and Ward.. but we all know he’s just a softie and just glad Jemma’s alive. :333

Also that moment with Jemma confessing to Ward about the ounce on the night-night gun will never not be funny (even tho i’m pissed off at Ward. lol) 😅😅😅

... and that Jemma x Skye hug!!!!!

“...a little heavy on the iron.. but don’t worry, you don’t have to start calling me Iron Man” OMG. LMAOOOOO

“take off your shirt” CATCH ME SCREAMINGGGG

“Whether it was 8 seconds or 40, you died. There's no way you can go through a trauma like that And not come out of it changed. You know how long it's taken me to-- I know. 

— the mystery of May and The Cavalry.. all the clues were slowly dropped on S1 eps… AMAZINGGG.

Fitz clearly frustrated with himself ‘coz it wasn’t him who jumped, and Jemma quick to reassure him. Because she’s right, Fitz. It wasn’t Ward who brought her hope when all was lost. And I know there is a meta of Fitz and all his heroic acts but it all boils down to — basically all of his heroic acts have one motivation and one motivation only — and it wasn’t to be a hero. It’s about a woman. ❤️

And Fitz’s reaction to the cheek kiss? PRICELESS.

[totallyfrandom]

I've recently watched the 2019 "The Lion King" movie online, and I'm glad I didn't pay to see it at the cinemas because it wouldn't be worth the ticket price. It was lame. (record-lengthy rant below; not really spoilers as it's basically the 1994 animated movie again with a few minor changes)

”The Lion King” from 1994 is one of my most favorite Disney animated classics from my childhood and I was interested at first when the remake was announced. I was impressed by the gorgeous realistic animation in the first previews and trailer, but the more I looked into the last trailer, the more concerned I was about one thing: the expressions. Their faces lacked emotions. My biggest concern was Timon who's the most expressive comic relief character, and Scar who is this mischievous character with a very wide range of sly expressions on his face showing his scheming. Will the scenes of emotions and comedy suffer from this realism?

So I didn't have great expectations of the movie when I started watching it but other than the impressive CGI, it's really telling if at the end of the movie I go ”Finally it's over!” which is in this case.

My concern was confirmed: the characters lack so much of the expressions and emotions, which was a huge sacrifice for the sake of realism. That was my biggest problem with the movie. Also, unlike ”Beauty and the Beast” remake and ”Maleficent” for example, it felt more like they only made this remake to cash in on people's nostalgia. It didn't fool me, I felt no nostalgia whatsoever. Just disappointment over how lame it felt.

Below are some scenes and character critiques that I particularly want to mention.

First up, Scar. I didn't like his voice. I'm not saying that Ejiofor did a bad job, it just doesn't fit his sly character. And just like the rest of the characters, the realistic animation sacrificed the facial expressions and emotions of Scar which was a huge part of his character. His voice didn't really replace that sacrifice. He didn't feel intimidating at all.

Speaking of intimidating, now we come to the hyenas. The only character who somewhat comes close to intimidating was Shenzi. She felt more of a threat than Scar was. I noticed two changes in this remake: one is the other two hyenas Banzai and Ed got a rename. Now they're called Kamari and Azizi. Ed, or now Azizi, even speaks and doesn't act as stupid and giggly as before. But none of them are any funnier, they've only become duller. None of their attempt of ”comedy” made me laugh, not even crack a smile. This change had no reasoning behind it (none that I know of) and feels pointless. I have no idea why they'd change two old fan favorites like that. But I do have to give some credit for the other change that was a bit more interesting – or it could just be my interpretation or simply a misunderstanding: Scar's alliance with the hyenas. In the original movie, Scar was portrayed as the leader of the hyenas from the start, even over Shenzi, but in this adaptation it seems more like Shenzi is the leader over the hyenas and Scar is the imposter who got them on his side because he promised them to enter the Pride Lands with food for the taking. Shenzi even dared to question Scar as if she challenged him (I would pay to see a cool backstory for remake-Shenzi instead of this movie). Shenzi is also the one who picked adult Nala as her opponent in the final fight for an actual reason. So yeah, Shenzi is good. But she didn’t save the movie, unfortunately.

While the hyenas weren't funny, the only character who are somewhat funny (despite the sad sacrifice of expressions for most comedic scenes) were Timon and Pumbaa. But I still have mixed feelings about them (which I'll mention below in the songs section) so they weren't my favorite characters in this movie, but more like they--along with Shenzi--were the better characters of the entire cast. At least the duo are the only ones that made me chuckle (which was my only close-to-laugh during the entire movie) and that was near the end of the movie. Not impressive when it took that long for me to laugh.

Then we have Rafiki. There are two things I'm bothered about this remake of him: he didn't have his iconic staff like in the original and I thought that maybe they removed the staff for the sake of realism (I would've expected that the staff would be gone anyway) but then near the end of the movie he pulls out his staff from the tree calling it ”old friend”. It feels like the staff was originally removed but then was forced in for the last scenes just as a nod to the fans, as it was a last-minute addition. That was my problem with the staff situation: first it wasn't there but then BAM! Rafiki brings it up calling it ”my old friend” as a last-minute nod to fans who'd hate to see it go, maybe to avoid a riot. It felt a bit tacky, Imo. But what made him into a less sympathetic character is that instead of mourning for the loss of his old friend Mufasa and the prince like in the original, he goes ”tsk-tsk-tsk”. Yeah, when my dad dies I'm gonna sit there during his funeral and go ”tsk-tsk-tsk”. Wtf Disney? I guess this is what they do instead of being able to show any emotions in the realistic animal faces.

I don't know what I can say about the other characters, even about the main protagonist Simba. They were just lame when they lacked the emotions and expressions that was part of the characters so I didn't feel any connection to them. They were just... there. Same name, same personality, but that's all. Even with James Earl Jones returning for voicing Mufasa didn't help (did Disney bring him back just to add to the nostalgic value hmm?), partly because I grew up with the Swedish dub so Mufasa's English voice didn't give the same impact to me as it may give to fans who grew with James Earl Jones as Mufasa.

As for scenes, we'll start with one with Rafiki and it was the most unnecessary and time-wasting scene I had to endure. I mean, I can't believe we have to watch an almost 3-minute long journey of a tuft from Simba's mane. It's the scene where Rafiki learns that Simba is still alive: Simba shakes his head, resulting in a small tuft of his mane gets loose and floats in the wind. But instead of a smooth transition and then within 15 seconds reach Rafiki like in the original, we see it be in various places and picked up by various animals that contributes to its progress, even being eaten by a giraffe before the scene fades to black... which is pointless when it just continues the journey but now we see the tuft in a ball of giraffe dung being rulled by a beetle. Eventually, which felt like ten long minutes, the tuft reaches Rafiki's tree with the help of an ant. It's almost like this prolonged scene is just there to fill more minutes of the movie. Also, that tuft of Simba's mane has been inside a giraffe and then pooped out, presumably smelling, and Rafiki was holding it so... ew.

Due to the realism in the animal faces which limits their expressions, there are a lot of emotional scenes that I used to love that lacks that emotion. No scene made me shed tears or fill me with a heavy heart, no scene made me feel that hope and warms my heart. A couple of examples:

The scene where Simba finds Mufasa’s body didn't give me any emotions, which is a disappointment as this is one of the saddest scenes in animation history. But I admit that JD McCrary who voices young Simba did a good job in delivering the sad voice and sounded legit like he was close to tears. That was the closest to real emotions in the film. Too bad the facial expression of the CGI lion cub didn't give what McCreary's performance deserves.

Another scene I find a lot of disappointed in was my favorite from the original movie; when adult Simba was talking to his father in the clouds. It always used to touch my heart because of how amazing it was with the music and the visualization in the sky and the emotions of awe in Simba' face. But this one was such a lackluster. It didn't move me in any way and I could barely see Mufasa (I guess his face appeared just with a blink of an eye a few times when lightning struck in the clouds but that was way too quick). They didn't even play one of my favorite instrumental music when Simba was running back to the Pride Lands. Sure, it's fine that they have at least one new song that wasn't in the original soundtrack before, but they did sacrifice such a motivational piece of music for it.

But the worst scene in the entire movie (if we don't count the songs) is when Scar betrays Mufasa and pushes him off the cliff. Instead of Mufasa saying "Scar! My brother! Help me!" with a pleading tone in his voice (this was a literal life and death situation), he just says "Scar! Help me!" as if it was an order. Then instead of whispering to his brother, Scar almost yells out "Long live the king!" before he literally bitch-slaps Mufasa so that he looses his grip. Why not shove him off like in the original movie when Scar was already digging his claws into Mufasa's paws like in the original movie? Also there was no zoom-in on the eyes of Mufasa when he realized the betrayal just before his death... but then again, those eyes would've been lifeless from expressions.

By the way, Scar is stupid when he's talking loudly about secrets, like before the final fight scene he gave away that he was responsible to Mufasa's death which convinced Sarabi of Simba's innocence despite Scar desperately tried to lie his way through. You really messed this up, Scar.

As for the songs in general, they were just... there. Only the opening song ”Circle of Life” is good enough for me. The rest both feel and sounded duller.

I was so disappointed in "I Just Can't Wait to be King". Due to the realism, there's no colorful background that complements the song and it feels bland (”Can You Feel the Love Tonight” and ”Hakuna Matata” suffers the similar thing). Even the song itself doesn't give any nostalgia to me. It looks kinda off to see realistic Simba sing, it's like an uncanny valley vibe. Again he lacks any expression, same with Zazu. When Timon sings ”Hakuna Matata” and ”The Lion Sleeps Tonight” with a wide-open mouth, it looks... odd. I don't see Timon singing, instead I see an animal screaming. For food or for help, either way works, but not singing.

However, the worst song in the entire movie was "Be Prepared" for so many reasons. One, I’ve already mentioned above that I think Scar's voice doesn't fit his character so his singing clearly can't top the original song (which is why I think it had to be changed a bit which I'll mention soon). Two, it doesn't have the dark and dramatic shadowing. Three, Scar's mischievous expressions are gone for the sake of realism so Scar just looks flat and awkward. Four, the song was changed and is now shorter so I was just sitting here getting confused of where it was going and thinking when the powerful chorus and the xylophone(?) instruments are gonna start and then you hear that final "Be Prepaaaaared!" from Scar before it zooms out without the echoing laughter of Scar and the hyenas, instead the last "Prepared" echoes before the scene fades to another scene. It just ends like that just as quick as the song started. Like, the heck was that? I get that they had to get rid of the army of hyenas marching, but this was just lame and lazy. This brings to the fifth reason: they just ruined one of the greatest Disney villain songs ever made. After watching the movie I've read that there was a rumor or concern that ”Be Prepared” wouldn't be in the movie. I'm kinda wishing it didn't make into the remake when they didn't even try making it look or sound great. Definitely not memorable.

...

This is just a half of everything I wanted to say about the movie, but I think I'll stop here after having said the more important bits that I wanted to rant about.

All in all, under all that gorgeous realistic CGI animation lies a lazy attempt at the remake with most scenes being shot-to-shot copies from the original, half-assed attempt at most songs when it comes to the visuals (or barely an attempt in ”Be Prepared”), lifeless expressions of the realistic animals and ruining the emotions of powerful and most memorable scenes just to cash in on people's nostalgia. Only Shenzi was the character who had some potential for something new and interesting but like I said, she didn’t save the movie for me.

At least they TRIED a lot more with ”Beauty and the Beast” remake and ”Maleficent” where they actually did good new changes that contributed more to the story. With ”The Lion King” remake they just upgraded it to look good but had to sacrifice the most important thing which is the expressions of colors and reactions in characters' faces. Even Beast's facial expressions had more emotions through all that makeup.

As for recommendation, if it wasn’t obvious enough I personally wouldn't recommend it. It's better to go back watching the 1994 animated classic instead of wasting time and money on it. Unless you’re a true nostalgic, then go ahead and enjoy it. I’m not judging anyone who likes or loves it. It was just personally a disappointment for me when it didn’t live up for my childhood favorite classic.

One final thing: you feel like reading my lengthy rant wasted your valuable time? That’s what it felt when I was watching the movie and finally came to the end, hence the “Finally it’s over!”.

[22drunkb]

Please could you talk about the weird and specific visual language of person of interest? I haven't noticed it before but now I'm intrigued

Hi, Anon. You sent this ask 8 months ago. I took this long to answer because I wanted to really lay it all out for you, with the right screencaps and reference images and a whole theory of why the show looks the precise way it does. But the fact is, that’s not going to happen. I don’t have the time or mental energy to do it properly, and I have finally accepted that because the almost completely written long-ass answer to a different question about a different show that’s been sitting in my drafts for about as long is still languishing! and it’s almost done! wild what grad school can do to a person.

So since I have accepted that I can’t do the Full Treatment I wanted to, I’ll just do the quick explanatory version.

POI has 5 main visual ideas it returns to over and over. These are:

1. Surveillance footage. This is notable because it tends to look, by normal framing and cinematography standards, bad; they are very deliberately putting out “bad” images to tell the story, which after all is in large part about surveillance and privacy. I can’t remember now where I read/heard this, but the EPs definitely talked about the struggle to get cameras into these really inconvenient spots to get the properly terrible angles that would play as plausible CCTV-type footage.

2a. Edward Hopper’s style. By this I mean less his use of color than his tendency to show one or a few static figures, small in relation to their (usually urban) surroundings, often locked off by a frame-within-the-frame (someone framed in a window within the larger setting, for example); and significant contrast in lighting. The emblematic example for me is the wide shot of John cradling Carter’s body next to the phone booth, right after the moment of her death. But a lot of the comedic exterior shots of a bar or other establishment inside of which John is wreaking havoc actually fit as well.

2b. Noir, which was probably influenced by Hopper in the first place (or at least was responding to similar aspects of the zeitgeist). “POI noir” is a very popular thing in the fandom, and I assume you don’t need me to explain it. I will say, though, that as a film genre noir is about the failure of institutions, loneliness, isolation, and doom, so the choice is both telling and appropriate. (The same applies to the Hopper point.)

3. This is related to 2 and 3, but there is a broader theme of small isolated figures against a big, empty (or sometimes empty by virtue of being anonymously crowded) urban backdrop. (This is something noir does a lot also.) The reason I’m separating it here is that POI does this a lot of the time without making it noir; it creates something lighter-colored, lower-contrast, and more contemporary-looking, but maintins a similar effect. Takeshi Miyasaka’s work evokes it very directly for me. What’s interesting about his paintings as well as these compositions in POI is that they often come off as unstudied, not overthought or excrutiatingly composed. This is not the case; they are very carefully thought out (in both cases). But they convey a sense of naturalism you don’t get from a traditional noir composition (or most of Hopper’s noirish work--some of his other stuff is different, but not relevant here), while maintaining that feeling of a small subject in a big, uncaring, not particularly beautiful world.

4. Comics. POI is often compared to Batman; in some ways it more closely resembles Batman’s even noir-ier antecedent, The Shadow. It obviously leans into this in 4x06, “Pretenders,” but it’s there in a lot of the action sequences. I’d cite the one where John goes after Quinn in “The Devil’s Share,” a lot of “Relevance,” or this as examples.

5. The “interior,” thinking/processing shots of the Machine and Samaritan. For these they obviously invented a lot. They definitely drew on what was at the time cutting-edge data visualization as well as the marketing materials of some leading tech and security companies to create them, but I think it’s one of the ways in which the show was most original. (Interestingly, you can see some of this idea being worked out before the show even began in the movie Eagle Eye, which had the same producers. It’s not a good movie, mind you, and its notion of AI is super simplistic, but some of the visualization in this area is clearly prototypical of what would play out on POI.)

A lot of these visual choices don’t stand out as noticeable (aside from the AI visualizations, which of course are unmissable). There are two main reasons for this. One is that none of them are constant. POI never set out to make every shot a stylistic masterpiece, the way a show like Hannibal more or less did. I assume this was partly because of the logistical realities of a 22-episode season, but it also works with the show’s storytelling. The idea they want you to get, that they reiterate over and over, is that the world looks normal but isn’t underneath. So the 5 stylistic ideas I mentioned above tend to appear in short spurts--an action sequence, a shot framing Harold against a New York skyline or the whole team by a bridge, etc--stitched together by pretty standard TV framing (shot/reverse shot, close-up, medium). This allows them to kind of ramp up and ramp down the level of visual intensity, using noirish or comicky compositions, or particularly intense AI visualizations, in line with the storytelling. It is also a kind of metaphor for the entire premise: things look regular most of the time, but they aren’t if you pay attention.

The second reason is that we are so incredibly used to surveillance footage! It doesn’t stick out to us anymore! This is actually very significant because, as I noted above, surveillance cameras are not positioned for aesthetic value. The point is coverage, not composition or image quality. So this is a cinematic product (a television show) that is working overtime to give you technically “bad” images. But those images don’t really stand out as ugly, per se; instead they denote truthfulness. So for example, the Machine’s POV (as opposed to its thought process, which is digitally animated) is almost always in this surveillance style. This reminds us of what the Machine is and how it works, and it also tells us that what we’re seeing isn’t subjective. It is not someone’s memory or their perception. It is a literal recording. This allows the Machine to act as our guide through the whole timeline, moving us back and forth through that horizontal scroll, zooming in on a moment or incident for replay. We never have to question if the Machine is lying to us or mistaken (aside from 5x02), because its memory is a video archive presented to us with all the hallmarks of video that means “proof,” not video that means “feelings” or “perceptions.” Once we’ve been transitioned into a flashback scene, that style can go away so that we can abandon the distance that surveillance introduces to engage with the emotion of the flashback scene, but they use that device to move us around because it automatically tells us “this is true.” Simultaneously, the ubiquity of surveillance-style shots reinforces that same message I talked about above: that we are being watched (because the world has gone sideways).

(Perhaps I should mention that Nolan and Plageman said a big goal of theirs with the show was to make people more aware of how profoundly the technological and therefore social world around them was changing with little notice or fanfare. One of the obvious ways they were trying to direct our attention on this point was to issues of privacy. Finch helping John out of a sticky situation by exploiting a homeowner’s smart TV isn’t just a matter of making Finch look clever. They wanted to let us know that if your smart TV has a camera, someone can remotely turn it on. [I know this is common knowledge now, but that episode was like 2012. I found out what Palantir was because of POI!] Just to contextualize why to me, “you are being watched” and “the world has gotten very weird” are basically the same message in the context of POI.)

One of the show’s key influences is The Naked City (the show and the film). The film version of The Naked City is notable because it was one of the first post-WWII movies to shoot on location instead of on a film set, and it was shot in NYC. It’s also one of the earliest police procedurals, in the form we know the genre today. It’s not exactly noir, but it’s not exactly not noir. It’s based on the photography of the famous ambulance-chasing, poverty-documenting photographer Weegee; you could say it’s an early example of a “gritty” film. It doesn’t have the elegant devastation of The Third Man or the deep shadows of Double Indemnity. It was all about bringing audiences the amazing spectacle of a real place; the paradoxical insistence on authenticity in cinema goes way back. The Naked City to me is somehwere between noir and cinema verité, and in that sense, POI is true to it as an influence.

[next-gen-ninja-official]

Season 1: Next Gen Ninja Episode 1: Green and Pink

It was the last class of the school day, yet for one boy, it couldn't go by quickly enough. At least watching the dragons flying through the clouds could keep him busy. He was sketching the soaring reptile when he was disturbed by a crumpled paper ball bounced off the hood of his black jacket. When he turned to see who did it, a kid sneered and pointed to the teacher.

"Lucas Garmadon-Taylors," she spoke up, gaining the blond boy's attention, "What have I told you about wearing that hood? Plus you should know the dress code by now, any unnatural colored hair dye is not permitted as it can cause a distraction. Last time I checked, being the son of a ninja doesn't suddenly get rid of a green area of hair, which is clearly visible in the front."

With a sigh, Lucas pulled down his hood and mumbled, "It's called a fringe.. Plus the counselor said I could as it comforts me.." This was the one thing he disliked about his math class, his teacher practically lived and died for the rules, no matter how absurd. Since when was hair distracting?

"What did you say?" Ms. Ming asked the young student, "Perhaps you can speak up? Unless of course you have nothing worth mentioning."

The boy was silent, not wishing to speak up. This caused the other kids to chuckle. To them, this was the funniest thing they have ever seen, the son of the Green Ninja can't even stand up for himself? The image itself was comedic for them, but seeing it in real life was hilarious.

"That's what I thought," the teacher stated, "Now everyone, please pay attention as we multiply these decimals." Lucas sighed as Ms. Ming returned to the board. He knew the answer already, he often found himself practicing math and coding in his free time. Sometimes, it felt as if writing programs and drawing were his only escapes from reality. Not that it lasts long for him, there's always something going on. Including now.

"Hey, Lucas, what's this?" a voice came from in front of him.

Lucas snapped his gaze to the notebook in front of his face, "Hey, give that back!" He tried to take it back. Imagine what those other kids would do to his drawings! He had to get it back!

"Some son of a ninja you are," the other boy teased, "Can't even see when someone sneaks up on you. Man, what's in here anyway?" The other boy started flipping through the pages.

"That's personal!" Lucas hissed, crawling over his desk to grab his notebook, "Give it back!"

The other boy kept pulling Lucas' notebook away and smirked at him, "You're the Green Ninja's son, shouldn't you be able to get it on your own?"

"My mom's a ninja too, you know!" Lucas grunted in frustration.

"Wow, so even more of a reason for you not to suck so much," the boy then tore out a page of his notebook, "Hey, look at this drawing! What is this, a diseased dragon?"

"Earth Dragons are known for growing crystals on their scales!" Lucas countered, "It's because deep in the caves they live in, minerals drip down onto their scales, building up into rock formations and crystals!"

"Lucas, Atticus!" Ms. Ming called them, "What is so important that you two disturb the rest of the class to discuss?!" She crossed her arms, ready to dish a punishment seemingly at the crack of a whip.

"He stole my journal," Lucas mumbled, sitting in his seat and looking away.

"Lucas, speak up please," Ms. Ming instructed before Atticus jumped in.

"I'm sorry Ms. Ming, but Lucas was climbing over his desk and bothering me!" Atticus turned to point at Lucas, "Can't you do something?"

The teacher sighed, yet again another distraction by the one kid who was different than the others. What will she ever do with him? "Lucas, head to the counselor please."

With a sigh of routine, Lucas gathered his things and left the classroom.

*****

Lucas looked to the poster on the wall, waiting as his mother hurried to the school. 'Hang in there,' it said. 'Story of my life,' Lucas thought as he sighed. Out of all the kids in the class, why was he the one everyone makes fun of?

That’s when the door opened, the familiar face of his beloved mother seeming to overwhelm him into running at full force to hug her. She actually understood how he felt.. whenever he explained this stuff.. the things that happened at school, the misunderstandings.. she made him feel like maybe he wasn’t so stupid or weird.. and that he wasn’t a bad kid as he knew the teachers thought.

In turn, the woman knelt down and sighed, hugging him gently. “Oh hun.." she muttered as she rubbed his back. “What happened now..?” She asked hesitantly as she looked at the counselor and took her seat.

"Well Mrs. Taylors," the counselor began, "It appears the kids in his class were making fun of him again. And as we know by this point, Ms. Ming didn't consider his side of the story as according to Lucas, he was outspoken and assumed to be causing a disturbance. All of which happened due to his notebook being stolen by the kid who made fun of him today. To be honest, I'm getting worried for him. He is incredibly smart, but seems to be pushed around by the others."

This caused a sigh the pass the woman’s lips. “I’ve been thinking the same thing," she really liked the counselor, she always listened to Lucas and gave him space to talk. “But..ah just don’t really know what to do about it." To be honest, Lucas’ mother hated that maths teacher. Sometimes he’d overhear her and his dad talking about it. She was the master of sound, after all. She didn’t mean for him to hear!

But he would. And he’d hear that the teacher should keep said bullies in line, because if a child didn’t feel safe in the classroom, then even if they’re teaching, they’re not doing their jobs.

Yet, just like his father, Lucas was stubborn. He kept going to school anyway. Lucas knew there was value in knowledge. So as long as he wasn't seriously hurt, he was fine right? Well, that's what he thought anyway.

"Well," the counselor sighed, "I would like for him to build some self-confidence first of all. It would make him less of a target. Second, I have a feeling they're jealous of him. Kids can be mean to those that they believe are on a higher level than them." The counselor then turned to Lucas, "Even if they didn't ask for it."

She then sighed and looked back to Ace, "In a way, I think it's why Lucas keeps telling me that he doesn't want anything to do with being a ninja. He doesn't want to be bullied for it."

His mother sighed once more. She knew he didn’t want to be a ninja, and she hated the thought of pushing her child towards a life he didn’t want. But it was out of her hands. It was his destiny. If he didn’t become the next Green Ninja, then many would perish. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.. but she never thought those few would be her own children. For a moment, she stayed silent, staring at the floor, looking almost guilty. “Yeah..” was all she was able to mutter.

After an uncomfortable moment of silence, she looked up. “That is.. in itself a.. very complex issue.. neither of us really know what ta do about that..” this time she was referring to her husband, the one in their family that was best known, Lloyd Garmadon.

"Well," the counselor sat in thought for a bit, "His destiny is in the claws of the Golden Dragon alone. With that being said, knowing the incident where he blacked out and set a desk on fire, I believe the Golden Dragon already made its choice. For him to be a ninja as well as its next champion. But I'll tell you what, if we work on his self-confidence, perhaps we can meet again and discuss his future?"

"Well.. that’s the thing.. ah know very well how much bullying can affect a child.. and I think.. if he stays in a place where he’s guaranteed ta get bullied.. there’s nothing we can do that’ll raise it.. but that it’ll just keep falling.. so.. I do have an idea. But it’s quite a big change," she then looked at Lucas to give him a reassuring glance, knowing he was scared of change.

"What is it?" Lucas mumbled, barely above a whisper. It was times like this that unnerved him, for how was he supposed to know what to expect next?

"Please, continue," the counselor nodded, willing to hear the idea.

"Well.. ah thought, if it’s agreeable to you, that having Lucas take a few days off school may help. It’ll allow his self confidence ta raise, at least back to where it was, and along with his schoolwork which we can get Luna to collect, he can focus on his training. Since learning the particular style of fighting, is also a form of meditation which helps a person's spiritual being," she smiled a little, “so it should, in theory, help his self confidence grow quite a lot." She then looked back at the counselor when she’d finished talking, a little nervous about what she may say. Lucas did get his shyness from her after all.

"Then Dad's going to be hyper about teaching me," Lucas mumbled, knowing how excited his dad was about the chance to teach Lucas everything he knew.

"You know, perhaps that's what he needs," the counselor smiled, "Who knows, maybe this was the Golden Dragon's plan all along? After all, life works in mysterious ways and he may just find his place in the world."

"Then tomorrow will be the first day of training," she smiled at him, “In his safe home." She then looked at the counselor. “But, could we get his journal back?”

"Ah, yes!" the counselor opened a drawer, taking out the journal, "I managed to tape the torn out page back in and might I say that is the most amazing depiction of an Earth Dragon I have seen. He is quite talented!"

Lucas carefully took the journal back and held it close. "Thanks," he mumbled. If there was one thing he wasn't a fan of, it was socializing outside of his family. If only Luna had the same lunch as him.

"Well, like mother like son," she playfully smirked at him.

*****

The ring of a bell echoed through the halls as the school day came to an end, the sound very quickly replaced with the laughing of many children, relieved they could finally relax. The school doors opened by a teacher keeping a watchful eye over the students, an eye that was almost immediately drawn to the gigantic green dragon that was wedged in between a row of cars and confused parents. The teachers here were all used to seeing said dragon, but it still shocked them every time. Metaphorically, that is. Through the course of the school day, you forget to expect it.

Every time, kids would just stand and stare at it, all except one child. Who instead, beamed at the sight of it. For teachers here had to let the children go once they recognized the parents, for the children’s safety. And what was more recognizable than this?

"Alright Luna, you can go," the teacher sighed in annoyance. That thing always riled the kids up! When they got riled up, they didn’t listen! He just wished the principal would just say it straight instead of sucking up to Lloyd just because he was a ninja.

This caused the child to jump up and down excitedly before running over to the dragon, and its rider. “DADDYYYY!!” No matter how many times he picked her up, she always seemed ecstatic to see him!

"Hey kiddo," her dad smiled at her as the Energy Dragon took this moment to nuzzle the little human, purring to its heart's content, "Get up here." With that, the dragon gave Luna an affectionate lick and purr before picking her up with its tail and setting her on its back. "So, how was school?" her dad asked as the dragon began to lift itself into the air.

“W-wait! We can’t leave without Lucas!” She looked at him in alarm.

"Oh right, you didn't hear," Lloyd shook his head for second, "Sorry, I was anxious to see you and the faces of all those people when I came in with a dragon. Anyway, Lucas came home early after another bullying issue. I mean, he didn't burn a desk this time, but he was given a two day break off school. Which brings me to the exciting part! Starting tomorrow, you and Lucas are ninja-in-training!" With this the dragon gave a yip, 'YAY!' While Lloyd may not have understood what it said, the young Master of Sound could.

"R-really..? I hope he’s ok..he’s not too upset is he..?”

"He's ok," her father smiled, trying to calm not only her but himself, "He's up in his room coding again. Ace let him have the rest of the day off. His energy powers don't seem to have kicked in yet, surprisingly, but he'll get there. I'm just glad he hasn't hurt anyone yet. It takes practice to control the element of Energy after all. What about you? Are you doing alright?"

She nodded in response. “Yeah, I’m ok! OH AND I GOT AN AWARD TODAY!” She beamed excitedly. “I GOT THE “MUSICIAN OF THE YEAR AWARD!! IT'S IN MY BACKPACK!” Her happy voice echoed through the sky as they flew, the young Master of Sound still learning to control her own powers.

"Nice job!" Lloyd then ruffled her hair affectionately, "You're probably just as talented as your mom if not more so! So did any of your friends get anything?" The dragon below them, unbeknownst to the one who summoned it, gave the child a congratulatory roar.

"One of them got a ribbon, I think," she smiled.

*****

After a short flight home, the two walked through the door, lighting up the house with sounds of laughter. Luna loved to talk, especially to her family. And listen. Which meant she was great in social situations. Which was one of the reasons she and her older brother were so great together! When Lucas got overwhelmed as he so often did, Luna would step in and do the talking, and draw the attention away from him!

After Lloyd shut the door behind him, he felt that something was.. off, and began carefully looking around for a few minutes before shaking his head. Walking into the house more, he called out to his family, "Ace! Lucas! We're home!" As if on cue, the smiling face of his wife greeted Lloyd, and smiled happily at the both of them.

"HI MOMMY!!” Luna beamed, running in for a hug, almost making Ace stumble. “Hi..” she chuckled through a wheeze, knowing that her daughter was just that excited about life in general? It.. it was a great feeling! Her daughter was genuinely happy, and as a mother, nothing could make Ace happier.

"Luna, as much as your mother is an amazing woman," Lloyd began with a playful smirk, amused by the scene before him, "I still think she needs to breathe."

"Oh!” The young girl quickly released the small woman from her grip, chuckling. She did feel a little bad, but was equally amused by the face her mother was making, “Sorry Mommy!”

Lloyd walked over to Ace, kissing her on the cheek before speaking with concern, "Are you alright, Ace? I know she didn't mean to hurt you."

"Y-yeah," she chuckled, blushing slightly.

"Well if you’re ok, can I go see Lucas? Or does he need some time alone?”

This caused the adult to smile at her daughter, “Aaw, you’re so thoughtful! You can go see him! I bet he’s missed ya!”

"YAY!!” And with that, the excitable young brunette rushed off upstairs like a pink blur.

Her brother was back at it again, coding books open, computer on, and code across the screen. He may not have truly developed his powers yet, but stuck to the principle of always having a special bracelet made of Benchstone on his arm. For he knew from his dad's stories how he might make electronics explode, and with the odd state of his Golden Power, he didn't want to take any chances. He was currently clacking away at the keyboard without a care in the world, in fact he was so focused in his code he didn't hear his sister walk in.

To not be heard, is something that Luna had never experienced before. She was so loud that people she didn’t WANT to hear her, had. So, she slowly walked closer, trying her best not to make him jump. “L..Lucas..?”

Startled, Lucas turned around in his swivel chair to see Luna, "Oh, hey Luna. Do you need something? Also how was your day at school? Make any new friends?" Her brother did his best to protect her and make sure she was happy. In a way, he was like his dad when it came to protecting family, but he was much more skittish about it. Yet, no one could say he didn't try to be the best brother he could.

"Uh-huh!! I won an award and then everyone wanted to be friends with me!!...but..” the smile then seemed to fall from her face. “What happened to you..?”

Lucas sighed, "It's fine. I'm alright. No one got hurt or anything, so it's ok. I'll live through it." This again, was another similarity to his father, neither wanted others to worry about them unless they felt that the problem was truly serious. Their definitions of serious may be vastly different but that was to be expected.

She sighed, frowning at her brother. “Ok..if you’re sure..”

****

"So basically,” Ace explained to Lloyd, recapping her meeting with the counselor,as she got to her new point on how to help Lucas further, "We have ta find some way for him to make friends. It’s hard when you’re shy, but, like chickenpox, if ya don’t get it out of the way when you’re young, it can ruin your adult life."

"Well," Lloyd thought for a moment, "he might have luck with people similar to him. You know, bond over a common interest. Kinda like how all the kids at the boarding school I went to were pretty much an army, they all had a shared thing going on. Mind you, that no way implies how I feel about it now, but the point still stands."

In response, his wife nodded, “Like Luna's choir friends. Or Jay's Fallr followers," the husband and wife both exchanged a glance, before chuckling, remembering the days on the bounty when they’d have to spend all day trying to find the perfect hiding place, as not to be seen kissing, or risk that kiss ending up all over the Internet thanks to one very particular, very blue ninja.

"You know, I think Jay accidentally started a Fallr cult at this point because he still regularly posts and still has a good number of followers," Lloyd then shook his head, "That's besides the point, but yeah, we just need to find others like Lucas. People he can understand. But, who?"

"Well..speaking of Jay, what about Zack and Lilly? I mean, they should be starting their training soon too!” Her eyes widened with excitement as the idea hit her, just picturing Lucas and Luna making friends with the children of Jay and Nya, their close friends who were also excellent parents! There would be no bullying, and they’d get to see their friends again! Plus, they hadn’t seen Zack and Lilly since they were tiny! To imagine what they’d look like now! It actually made Ace let out a tiny squeal of excitement!

Lloyd chuckled a bit at the squeal, "You're still adorable. But doesn't everyone have kids that are going to be trained soon? I mean, how is my uncle going to handle all those kids? I mean, he could barely deal with all of us as it was."

"Well,we could help! Pass on what we know!” She grinned. “Maybe we could train together! Like carpooling, but for ninja!!” It was at that moment that she started bouncing like her daughter would. Lots of people thought that Luna got her energy from Lloyd, but those people didn’t know Ace. When excited about something, she could be very passionate.

Lloyd chuckled at her excitement, "One of these days, I swear you'll reach my levels of energy with all your excitement. Also, you don't know ninja carpool until you've been in the Raider with all the other ninja, arguing over legroom. But we should at least warn my uncle."

"Ok! I’ll get the phone!” The pink ninja yelled, before dashing off and creating her own pink blur. Off to begin their new lives. Their lives as senseis, and their children's new lives as ninja.

Little did they know outside, an almost infamously nefarious snake dwelled outside their window, invisible to the naked eye. With a chuckle, he knew what he had to do. He must stop Ninjago from having any more ninja and he knew exactly how to do it.

[justwriting34]

The Umbrella Academy. Netflix’s (new) hit show, or well I think it’s a hit, but I am not a great judge of shows. It’s my type of show. It’s crazy, without shoving your face in the crazy. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, while still having serious moments. It has a talking monkey, seriously, could you think of a better show? It has romance, just not enough that you feel like a kid after the perfect Halloween score. It has action, just not so much action you’re in a slaughter house, or a b rated action movie with ½ price Bruce Willis. It has time travel, that realizes that time travel doesn’t make sense. And damn it, it has the talking monkey.

How can anyone not love a show like that? I sure have to like it. The show didn’t give me much of a choice. And it isn’t like some shows that Stockholm Syndrome you into loving it. I loved it at first sight, because of the monkey. We get it, you must be thinking a lot about the monkey, you love the monkey, we get that. First off, it’s a monkey butler, that’s a very different thing. And don’t go quoting me saying that I was only referring to him as the monkey or the talking monkey or even a talking monkey. It won’t work. I won’t listen even if you are right. Which you might be. And honestly, I don’t really like the monkey, well no more than any one likes a talking monkey. I mean come on we all have a soft spot for Curious George and that monkey doesn’t even really talk, the man with the yellow hat, just makes us think we can understand him. That monkey could just be talking about throwing poo all the time and we would have no way of knowing that. But no the talking monkey butler, bet you didn’t think I knew that, can tell us what is going on. But that monkey butler is not my favorite character, or even in my top ten. Which is something special considering there are only a little over ten characters in the show.

No, my favorite character is Klaus, though I am probably more like Vanya then I would like to admit, but I’ll circle back to that in a moment, let me take a moment to talk about my favorite character Klaus. Klaus is the crazy fun that I wish that I could be. Not the drugs part, don’t do drugs kids, stay in school, ok now that I have that PSA (brought to you by the crazy rantings of a girl behind a computer), out of the way, I want to take a moment to do an appreciation paragraph about the wonderful Klaus.

Klaus is the crazy we all need in our lives. He makes the world seem just a little bit different, a little more interesting. He adds perfect comedic timing to the group, and he does it at just the right time. So, yeah Klaus is freaking amazing. Oh, and as an added note he looks great in a skirt.

See an appreciation paragraph. Now, onto Vanya. I see myself in Vanya, a lot more than anyone would like to admit. Hold it. Freeze. Yes, I mean you too. Don’t think about what I just said too much. I had a normal childhood. Well, normalish? But really, when you think about it, don’t we all have a few messed up things about our childhood. One or two things that give us that special little quirk. That little oddity, that would make people tilt their head. Yeah, well I had those. But for the most part I am normal. My childhood was normal, and my parent’s well they were as normal as parents can be. And I am not saying there aren’t a few things that my parents did that made me a little messed up, but isn’t that life. You’re a kid and you see things that your parents did wrong, even if it just one or two things, and you vow to do things differently, so then you screw up your own kids in a unique and different way, well that’s me, and that’s what I believe, but I may or may not still believe in the Easter Bunny, my traps are going to get that monster one of these days, so you probably shouldn’t take anything that I believe beyond face value.

Anyway, that got off topic, I mean I have no idea if there was even a point to all of that rambling, you know I have heard people call my writing pedantic before, and I never agreed with them until just now. I mean, I ended up talking about my plans to catch the Easter Bunny and not stay on the topic that I am supposed to be on. And now I am being pedantic about being pedantic, that takes a new level of crazy, or narcissism. I just love my writing so much, or maybe I just love to write so much.

Stopping that, and going back to the topic on hand, Vanya. Well, really, the topic is why Vanya and I are so similar. It’s simple really. I apologize for existing to. I never really thought about it that way before though. I just assumed I was apologizing for things that I should have done better, but no I have been apologizing for existing. I didn’t even realize that I was doing until there was that line about apologizing just for existing. Which is weird because, I always wanted to be an actress, ever since I was little, but I as I grew up, instead of still wanting to be in the spotlight I wanted to disappear. But this isn’t about that, not really anyway. We will spin back to why it is a little important in a moment.

But let me first say this, if I could draw I would. I would draw a kickass picture of Klaus in a skirt, maybe I would even add the talking monkey butler, yes, I know his name is Pogo, but give me a little credit for this bit. If I was good at outfits and designing and such nonsense I would cosplay as Mother. I know I just threw a curve ball or whatever the comic equivalent of that is. But you must love mother’s style. I mean it’s a classic elegance you can’t beat that. Well, maybe except for Klaus and a skirt, but I’m a girl and I can’t pull off a skirt like Klaus. Truth be told I only really have three talents.

First acting. As I’ve said before, being an actress has been my goal since I was very little. My problem is auditioning, and auditioning seems to be a very big part of the whole thing of being an actress, so in this case that talent seems a little bit useless. That talent in this case would be useless, most likely, in this case no matter if I could audition or not. Of course, like many of the other things I say hold onto that most likely because, of course, I will be coming back to that. Now my other two talents seem to be much more important now and much more important with why I started writing this in the first place.

The second one, as you hopefully, noticed my mediocre ability to write. I have seen that I have the smallest ability to write something that is readable and at least entertaining enough to keep you occupied, while doing menial tasks. Such as, but not limited to, using the bathroom, waiting at the dentist office, waiting at the DMV, procrastinating on doing any work that is much more important than my writing, that work seems hard and you really don’t want to start on a weird time or whatever else excuse you’re using the moment. And besides all that I’m almost done with this one, I think, I never can tell with my ramblings.

Last talent that I seem to have been bestowed is my vivid sometimes overused imagination. Now, what do you get when you have a writer with too much time, a laughably vivid imagination, and an extremely engaging and wonderful little show?

If you guessed a fanfiction with the author, no let me get this straight, I need to make sure that I get this right, a persona of the author, playing a major part, I would like you all to give yourselves a pat on the back, for the ones who didn’t get it right let me say you should stop reading this right now. Who my kidding? You’re not going to stop reading this. You aren’t going to go start your task they need to do. The dentist hasn’t just called you. And honestly you probably still have about two hours to wait at the DMV. Oh, as the right ones have guessed, this is a giant, wind bagged, and yes pedantic, way of introducing the fact that I have decided to put my writing of my Umbrella Academy fanfiction out not the real world.

Now, about five disclaimers though most of the people that I am addressing in this disclaimer had already written me, I’m sure, five Twitter messages ten emails, and twenty-five mean spirited letters, and have just ignored this disclaimer. And I know, this feels like the disclaimer to a medicine commercial, half the people aren’t paying attention, a quarter is going to still get upset when it happens to them and the last quarter are paying attention, but it doesn’t pertain to them. Also no one really watches regular tv that much anyway, they all have Netflix, free product placement.

First disclaimer, this is only based on the show. I bought the comic and I plan on reading it, I just haven’t had the time yet. And if I get interest, I may write one like the one I am currently writing with all of the information from the comics. Secondly, I’m doing this for fun, so please take it easy on me, if you like it, tell me, if you don’t tell me, if you think there are a few things I need to fix tell me, just do it nicely. Remember my writing may seem like I am a hot and legal combination of Klaus and Number Five, I am really just a Vanya at heart, so be delicate.

Thirdly, if either dark horse or Netflix asks me to take it down, it’s down without questions. I would hate for someone to not do the same for me.

Fourthly and lastly, promise, if Netflix and the writers want to take my twist on the story, let me a least fail at auditioning for a character that is basically me.  

So, I hope you love my writing as much as I love Klaus, and the show, and hope you are a little more interested in it than I am in butler monkey.

Oh, and one more thing, I am going to be writing in both first person and third person. Me, or the character who I fantasize about being, is going to be told in first person. And scenes my character is not in will be third.

This is the opening for my blog which anyone who likes fanfiction, Umbrella Academy, and/or crazy rantings that might actually make sense, check it out. http://umberllacoverage.home.blog 

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