#this one includes my marian-rant

[saintsenara]

12, 14, 16, and 22 for Snape asks please

I am most interested in your view of Lily as a character. To me, she never really seemed to live up to the hype I see? Like, I get the point that she's supposed to be Harry's mother and is supposed to be seen as the one who can't do any harm because of the sacrifice and all that. But I don't know whether JK purposely or intentionally put, like, the worst flashbacks to portray her as angelic(?). If I remember correctly, she wasn't even talked about as much as James by Remus or Sirius, they had to add things about her in the movies.

I can't ever see Lily as a good friend to Severus. To others, maybe, but I feel like it was different with Severus. More like a complicated one that was give-and-take, including Severus. Severus, an abused poor boy from Cokeworth, who knew about the wizarding world and Lily, a girl brought up in a happy family, who knew nothing about the wizarding world. Severus was able to get a friend while Lily gained knowledge of the wizarding world. But the one thing that cements this view of mine is the line where it says that Lily looks as if she was about to smile when Severus was being flipped over. Plus, I don't care if anyone says that she tried to defend him, but girl couldn't even use her wand or take points off as Prefect?? Girl was literally making a show, or whatever you want to call it.

Sorry about the rant, but I'm all for a good friend Lily in fics but when people say she was like that in canon? Maybe at times, but not when it mattered. I'd love to hear your opinion though.

thank you for the ask, @be-at-peace05!

[snape ask game here]

12. if you had to choose a golden trio era student to be snape's friend, who would it be and why?

while i don’t subscribe to the idea that he’s his godson, snape’s affection for draco malfoy does seem to be completely sincere. malfoy is also possessed of the sort of intellectual curiosity which snape obviously values (for example, how he figures out how to repair the vanishing cabinet - it’s genuinely impressive, and the fact that this is what he might be doing is certainly something which doesn’t occur to anyone in the order) and, while there’s no doubt that snape probably has as little interest in hearing him whine about everything as lucius does, i can see them having some genuinely fulfilling chats about potions. after all, malfoy gets an outstanding at owl, he must be good at the subject and he does seem to be interested in it.

14. what do you think is snape's favourite potion to prepare?

veritaserum. you just know he was chuckling to himself the whole time he was whipping that fake batch up for umbridge.

16. were you ever a snater? how and when did you become a snover?

i’m also extremely theatrical and fond of chemistry, so snape was always my boy.

i’m also capable of understanding the genre conventions which govern children’s literature and which require him to act as he does, so even when he was being a cock to various children we were chill.

22. do you think that lily was a good friend to snape?

well… this is the big one.

and the answer is no - but.

i always think it’s worth, before discussing lily, doing some quick acknowledgement of her narrative role in the story, which is a major contributing factor to why she feels a bit of a flop in person compared to the way she’s built up by other characters.

lily’s characterisation in canon is primarily hamstrung by two things. the first, as you note, is that her sacrificial role within the story requires a certain degree of perfection - not least because the harry potter series borrows heavily from the genre conventions of christian literature. lily is the analogy for the virgin mary - as we see when her purity of spirit succeeds in inflicting the first defeat on the satan-coded voldemort which will then be fulfilled by harry-as-the-resurrected-christ in the final stages of deathly hallows. obviously, a marian symbol is denied the complexity of other women - and that’s without even getting into the fact that the series has an extremely limited view of what ‘good’ motherhood is.

the second issue is that the text needs to keep lily’s centrality to the mystery hidden for as long as possible, not least because it needs to obscure snape’s true loyalties - and the role lily played in triggering them - until the very end of the seven-book series. this is the reason why sirius and lupin only speak about her once (after harry sees snape’s worst memory - and, even then, they’re mostly talking about james) and why harry’s self-conception is rooted entirely in his father - or in characters like sirius who are stand-ins for james - until half-blood prince, when the narrative begins to suggest that his mother is much more important than harry has previously given her credit for.

[the best way to illustrate this is to note that harry doesn’t give a shit in order of the phoenix that snape calls his mother a mudblood. his primary concern is that his father was a bully and that sirius aided and abetted him - when he thinks about lily, his concern is only that she doesn’t seem to like james, and his worry that his father forced her into a relationship. he doesn’t raise the fact that snape called lily a mudblood with sirius and lupin, and he doesn’t mention it to anyone else. but he cares - viscerally - about the slur at the end of half-blood prince, once the narrative is explicitly trying to convince the reader that snape is an unambiguous villain.]

these narrative necessities are a heavy burden for the canonical lily - and so i think she deserves some grace when it comes to how we analyse her behaviour in the snapshots of her as a real person we get in canon.

because of course she’s not perfect. why should she be? teenage girls are allowed to be less than flawless people - even towards their best friends.

[as an aside here, i think we have to be very careful - in our reading and our writing - not to replicate the contempt that jkr has for women who don’t fit her narrow view of ideal female behaviour. jkr loathes bitchy, girly, flighty, butch, rude, vapid, ugly women - just look at anything she’s ever said about pansy parkinson - and she tends to write her heroines - ginny and hermione chief among them - as that perfect not-like-other-girls storm of exactly pretty and clever and popular and brave enough to be worthy, but not so pretty as to be vain or clever as to be haughty or popular as to be slutty or brave as to be villainous. lily gets this treatment - and i think this drives the tendency of readers who dislike the way she behaves in canon to be hyper-critical of her characterisation. but the issue with this is that it’s also confining ‘good’ women to narrow boxes - while, all too often, allowing male characters a complexity their female counterparts are not permitted.]

which is to say: no, lily isn’t a good friend to snape. but he’s not a good friend to her either.

the issue that the two of them have is that they each relate to the other as though the other is the version of them that they’ve constructed in their head. they never take each other as they actually are.

it’s clear in canon that lily never moves beyond seeing snape as the child - devoted only to her - whose role was to teach her about the wonderful world of magic, and who acted primarily as a tool of her own self-actualisation. this is the reason why she can’t understand why snape is so concerned about fitting in at hogwarts - above all, why he wants to be friends with mulciber and avery - or why she never realises that he wants to be reassured of her affection for him versus the marauders, or why she doesn’t take what happens to him at the marauders’ hands seriously until she is made a part of it by james, or why she doesn’t understand snape’s relationship to his own social class and its role within slytherin. she simply doesn’t conceive of him as someone who exists for himself or who has a life of his own - he exists for her.

and snape thinks the same - he sees himself as the person who gave lily the wizarding world and, therefore, as the person who gets to dictate how she understands it. this is the reason why he can’t understand why she pushes back on his defence of mulciber’s use of dark magic (since he - in a very voldemort-ish move - clearly thinks that applying boundaries to what magic can and should be studied is gatekeeping), or why she doesn’t agree with him that the death eaters will help him, or why she’s upset when he’s rude to petunia, or why she leans into the performance of class expected from muggleborns (sucking up to slughorn, taking her pureblood husband’s name) in a time of increasing sectarian tension. she exists for him.

this assessment obviously makes them both sound incredibly cruel, but actually this is the way that childhood friendships often go. it’s very easy to see how the fact of being the only two magical children in cokeworth was validating for both snape and lily, and how this formed a tie between them which was very fierce but very brittle - which was never going to do anything other than shatter as they grew older, especially as they became aware of things like social structure, political affiliation, and sexual desire. it’s cruel of lily to laugh at snape’s poverty - absolutely - but it’s also the way that lots of teenagers who haven’t entirely grappled with their own relationship to society behave, and it’s also true that acting up in front of a boy you fancy is a time-honoured tradition which can also cause you to be quite cruel. lily isn’t nice by any means when snape is being attacked by james and sirius, but she doesn’t have to be. she just has to be human.

there are two final points which i think it’s worth being aware of:

the first is that snape evidently stands out as one of the few visibly working-class students in the castle [so much so that i have a meta in my drafts about whether or not hogwarts is a selective school] and the fact that he is obviously targeted for his poverty is cruel, and i understand why it makes many fans want to defend him - particularly given the fandom’s fondness for glorifying aristocracy and wealth.

but lily is also an other in wizarding society. i think it’s often not taken as seriously as it should be by snape fans just how terrified she must have been for her own safety, particularly from the later 1970s onwards, when all the evidence of canon is that voldemort is about to win. the wizarding world is set up to exclude her just as much as it is snape, and while we can and should be critical how her response to his poverty is unfair, we have to do the same for his outright refusal to acknowledge that she is subjected to discrimination on the basis of her blood status.

the second is that we don’t actually know if lily was a prefect - she was head girl, but james managed to become head boy without having been one. the person we do know was a prefect was remus lupin. if we’re criticising anyone for failing to intervene, it should be him.

[sailorbadger]

Robin Hood episode ranking part 3 (25-17)

Here is the third part of my Robin Hood episode ranking. You can read parts 1 and 2 here [link] if you haven’t already.

25. 1x2 – Sheriff Got Your Tongue?

I don’t have a lot to say about this episode. The plot is alright, there is nothing too good or absolutely horrible happening. The scene between the Sheriff and Robin in the dungeons was great, and the dialogue was almost too good for this show. The episode does a good job establishing the dynamics between the characters. It’s just as average as it’s ranking would suggest.

 24. 2x3 – Childhood

We’re slowly moving from the “it’s alright” episodes to the “pretty good” episodes. I had originally ranked this episode a lot higher, but I can’t remember why. There’s nothing really wrong with this episode, but it doesn’t have anything that would make me want to put this closer to the top. Gisborne’s armor was absolutely ridiculous, which I appreciate for it’s comedic value. The season 2 plots are overall better than those of season 3, but the one thing this episode left me wondering is where are these kids’ parents. Allan once again shows that he is at his best as a spy, coming up with ways to save his own skin.

 23. 2x13 – We are Robin Hood

Before this rewatch, I would have ranked this episode a lot higher than this. But looking at it on its own rather than as the season finale, it’s just not that great. Everything in the episode is leading up to Marian’s death. And Marian’s death isn’t even done in the best possible way. I honestly feel like Marian as a character died the moment she had to give up being the Nightwatchman. Good things about this episode were the fact that we got to see a new location and Will and Djaq being adorable. Unfortunately, the episode just shoves three good characters out at the end. Will and Djaq’s departure isn’t given the time it needs (which mirrors the fact that Allan’s death is not given much time either at the end of season 3) and even though Marian’s death is given time, she ultimately dies because she’s at the center of a love triangle. Marian deserved better. If you take out the end, there is not really much substance to this episode. It’s nice to see Carter again, but he’s also just killed off quickly. The King is an interesting character and I think it would have been good to explore Robin’s feelings and loyalty towards him more.

 22. 1x11 – Dead Man Walking

This is one of those episodes where I just don’t have a lot to say. I like that we finally get an episode centered around John, since he doesn’t get to be in the spotlight a lot. There are a few fun moments, and even some emotional ones. I don’t really have anything to complain about, but nothing to really give the episode praise for either.

 21. 1x5 – Turk Flu

An archery competition is a very classic Robin Hood plot, and this episode puts a nice spin on it by denying Robin the opportunity to attend (at least until the very end). The tension between Marian and Gisborne is good as well. This is also Djaq’s first episode, and it does a pretty good job at introducing us to her, but it’s not that amazing in my opinion. I like that there is some distrust and prejudice on both sides at first, but it’s all dealt with and then they move on. (As opposed to episode 10, where I feel like the superstition-plotline was not handled well.) The episode is good, but it’s not the best this season has to offer.

 20. 1x6 – The Taxman Cometh

This is the first episode that has the fun spirit of adventure that I look for in Robin Hood stories. The plot is pretty interesting, and I liked the fake nun (if she had a name, I do not remember it). I wish she had gotten a little more development, along with the father-son duo. I loved Marian and Edward’s scene at the end. Unfortunately, this episode is pretty much the same as another episode much higher on this list, and between those two, I surprisingly enjoyed the other one more.

 19. 2x2 – Booby and the Beast

What do you get when you put Ocean’s 11, Indiana Jones, the costuming from seven different high school musicals and BBC’s Robin Hood into a blender? Season 2’s second episode, Booby and the Beast. Although the episode is the furthest thing from being historically accurate, the costumes are horrendous and the plot absolutely ridiculous, it’s still an enjoyable experience. The Count is a fun guest character. Overall, the episode is fun and stupid at the same time, but in a much better way than 3x7.

 18. 1x13 - A Clue: No

This episode has a lot going on, but unlike the episodes in season 3 that suffer from the same problem, this one handles it a lot better. The overall plot felt a little weak, and the big emotional moment of the season came in the previous episode. Still, this one had a good ending, one I would have been happy with if the show had ended up having only one season. Much is great in this episode. Robin is horrible to him, but that is not a negative thing. Instead it just improves the episode. It would have been nice if it had been addressed a little sooner than 2x12, but I’m still satisfied. The plot with the nobles being tricked by the Sheriff was probably the weakest part of this episode. The true tension was whether or not the wedding would be stopped in time. And Much delivers, since he is, after all, so amazing.

 17. 1x8 – Tattoo? What Tattoo?

I’m probably repeating myself here but I love Much. He’s great in this episode, even though he doesn’t have a big role. We finally see a different side to Robin here. So far he’s been fighting for justice, but this episode shows that when it comes to King Richard, Robin takes things personally. Marian is trying to tell herself that Gisborne is a better man than what he really is to deal with the fact that she will have to marry him. It’s great to see the gang being so loyal to each other rather than following Robin blindly. This is the point where Djaq becomes truly comfortable in her place within the gang.

We’ve passed the midpoint of the list! In part 4 I’ll go through the remaining episodes before the top 10, which will be in part 5.

[cogentranting]

Once Upon a Time Characters with the Most Wasted Potential

Recognizing that outside factors (such as actors leaving) influenced at least some of these. Does anyone care about posts like these for a show that’s been cancelled for two years? I don’t know but it doesn’t matter; this isn’t for you,  it’s for me and my need to rant about things like this as I rewatch the show. Now enjoy.

5. Jefferson Jefferson is just such a delight whenever he’s involved in the story. His love for his daughter makes him likable and sympathetic, but at the same time he’s never quite fully a good guy. He’s wonderfully chaotic, especially in his flashback appearances when he’s working for Rumple. A world-hopping treasure hunter, could have been woven into so many plots, especially if they continued to pull him into the middle, between the heroes and the villains. We never got any information on his wife, we never saw how things worked out with him and Grace, and he just would have been fun to add into more stories. If he’d been available to include in the Wonderland spinoff, even better (unless Will filled the role that would have been his, in which case, I’m very grateful we got Will). 

4. August As far as pure concept goes, August may be my favorite twist on a classic character. The idea of Pinocchio being sent into the real world, supposed to serve as big brother and protector to a magical savior, but abandoning her (because of course that responsibility is too much for a six year old) to go protect himself is so fascinating to me. The fact that he seems to know more than all but a few other characters (he has more information than pretty much everyone but the Blue Fairy and Gold), the way he moves in and out of his role in Emma’s life at different times, the way they depict his key flaws that he keeps falling back into are all so interesting. Even just the idea of a Pinocchio as a grown man living in the real world but knowing that he started life as a magical puppet brought to life is fascinating. August as the roguish wanderer, with secrets upon secrets and flaws he can’t escape, as one of Emma’s first and only friends is a lot of fun and it’s a shame they didn’t keep him around more. 

3. Lily If you scrape off some of the dumb ideas of season 4, Lily is a really interesting concept for a character. A foil for Emma whose life is intertwined with hers as they grow up; another magical child growing up in the real world, and seemingly cursed to always make the wrong choice, who also shares a deep connection and bond with Emma and understands her in a way that few people do. The flashbacks with teenage Emma and Lily are really well done, and the actress playing young Lily does a great job. But the introduction of adult Lily seems rushed and the casting of the new actress isn’t great (or maybe the writing for the adult Lily just isn’t as good). Adult Lily lacks some of the complexity and struggle of young Lily, and doesn’t seem nearly as easy to empathize with. It also seems like a missed opportunity to reintroduce the adult version already having learned all about magic and her parentage and Storybrooke. To me, a character learning that she’s Maleficent’s daughter, magic is real, she’s fated to cross paths with her one time friend from child, and that Snow White and Prince Charming basically cursed her and having to process all that, seems far more interesting than just having her show up turn into a dragon and try to kill some people but then be very easily stopped. Besides all that, the dynamic between teenage Emma and Lily is great, but there seems to be no attempt to recreate it with the adult women. I don’t know if this is the cause or the result of them not bringing Lily back after the end of season 4. But that is also a missed opportunity. They could have kept Lily around as a friend for Emma (something she’s really missing in later seasons) and further explore her background, including the mystery of her father which is introduced and then forgotten. Granted, it doesn’t fit well in season 5-- though Lily would have been a much better addition to the camelot team than the dwarves-- but even if she spends that season off bonding with Maleficent, Lily could have easily been brought back in season 6, where it seemed like the writers were low on ideas anyway. But instead Lily is completely forgotten. 

2. Robin Hood One of the show’s greatest mysteries is the thought process behind Robin’s story. He’s a good character. He’s likable. He and Regina were a popular couple. He interacted well with the rest of the class. He’s an adaptation of one of the most famous, coolest characters of all time meaning he shouldn’t have been hard to write for. But then they brought back “Marian” and everything went off the rails. Why did they take every opportunity in season 4 to complicate Regina and Robin’s relationship to the point where it was hard to root for? Why did they bring Marian back in the first place if they didn’t seem to have a plan for fixing that problem? Why is Robin a passive figure in the Regina-Zelena conflict instead of having his own much more justified conflict with Zelena to compliment that story? Why does Robin never have stories where he bonds with Henry the way Hook does? Why does season 5 seem to go out of its way to remove Robin from the story including literally sending him to go hide in the woods for episodes at a time? Why did they kill him? Why does it feel like the writers hated him and actively tried to sabotage any interesting role for him? I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. But I do know that a lot of the things they did to Robin are among my least favorite decisions the show made. 

1. Will Scarlet Will was so wasted on the main show, that I don’t think it’s even clear how wasted he was unless you watched the spinoff. I don’t know that they used him enough to on OUAT to endear him to you, unless you already loved him on OUATIW. And people DID love him on the spinoff, because he’s the one character they chose to keep when the spinoff was cancelled. But then, in another one of season 4′s trademark, bizarre decisions, they seemed to have NO plans for how to use him on the main show. Will is a great character-- for me personally he’s in my top three characters through the whole run of the show-- he’s complex, he’s charming, he’s funny, he’s sweet, he’s brave, he’s damaged, he’s flawed.  And they had so little for him to do on the show that they actor quit because it wasn’t worth it to him to show up and do nothing. He floats in and out of the plot, he doesn’t have lines in the finale, he hardly forms any connections with the main cast (his only firm connections are with Belle and Robin who are often sidelined themselves), he’s not connected in any way to either the author story line or the Snow Queen story line, his backstory is never explored and even what does exist from the spinoff is never explained to viewers who didn’t watch that. Even his one significant role as a rival love interest for Belle is never fleshed out (we don’t see them meet, we don’t see them start dating, we barely see them together-- there are one-off guest characters with more developed love stories) and is misguided  because at this point a new love interest for Belle should have been presented as a real possibility (even if they were always planning on going back to Rumple) because of how broken her relationship with Rumple was, but Will is not a real possibility because he’d already been promised a happily ever after with Ana. Their disregard for Will is so bad, that when the actor left the show, they didn’t even spare a single line of dialogue to explain what happened to Will. He’s just forgotten about completely and never mentioned again. 

[mariandacalos]

Quarantine Diary: An update you did not ask for

Living through a pandemic is a big challenge that we have to face. Especially for people who are not fortunate enough to deal with this whole thing. I, myself, too is struggling. I struggle a lot in my academics, physical, and mental health. It is not easy and it will never be easy.

It's been a while since the last time I posted something. I've been losing my desire in writing, to be honest. It's sad but I am trying myself to get back to it. I know not everyone will read this so I want this post to be personal and for the record, this will be the first personal post that you will be reading here on my blog. I will talk about the things that happened in me since the quarantine started and how it affected me and the things around me.

I did a lot of writings during this quarantine but I kept them in the drafts or on my finder folders. All of it did not even get close to 'finish' which I find frustrating because when I was still in elementary and high school, I always write... about everything. Just give me a word and I will write my thoughts about it. All habits die hard, true, but that doesn't change the fact that eventually, it will die and turn into obscurity.

The first thing that I am struggling with right now is my academics. The university I enrolled in is not considering the mental health–the health in general of their students. Online classes were pushed through and it is not working because not everyone is privileged. Not everyone can afford a laptop, a computer, and an internet connection. Plus, this is the Philippines where internet connection is shitty. I am sometimes late in submissions because of the connection, good thing some professors are considerate but some are just... entitled. I am taking up fine arts and this course requires a lot of plates since it is both lecture and skill-based. I hate the fact that some professors are still pushing the idea of doing plates at home. Most of the students in our class including me don't have any materials because we left it on our dorms and we are now in our respective home towns.

Tang ina, ang hirap. Ang hirap basta walang pake ang Gobyerno at ang Presidente. Tang ina. Ang hirap, ang hirap maging mahirap.

I am also struggling with my mental health. These days, the voices inside my head were so loud, and they are even louder at night. I've been sleeping late, 3 AM or worse 6 AM. I can't sleep because obviously, sleep requires peace and I am not close to getting that. It is affecting my health because I wake up late. 2 PM is the new morning and dinner is the new lunch for me. I never wanted any of this but we are living though a pandemic and my mind kept on thinking about every single thing. From how shitty our Government in dealing with this pandemic down to how shitty our school is because they value more the scientia over virtus and devotio.

I by the way joined mass organization this month. I'm one of the creatives of STAND where we fight not just for the students' rights but the rights for everyone. We are currently in a battle with our school admin. We keep on writing letter and making pubmats to them. I am assigned into making pubmats and It feels good. You know, doing something that I am good at to fight for the betterment of everyone. Using my talent for a good cause. I am also the newly elected International Director of Rotaract USC Cebu, and we are having our regular meetings, it's been hard since we cannot go out (most of our programs needs social interaction btw) and we have to work of something that we have at home hence, the online meeting, online postings, etc. It's good to know that I am not completely useless, that I have a contribution, at least in my little ways.

Too much negativity eh? Let's talk about how I am coping up despite all of this unwanted things that is happening. I will not lie, I've been living a very unhealthy lifestyle since the quarantine started. I sleep late, I wake up late, I eat unhealthy foods, and I eat late. Although it is working for me and my body is not yet suffering the consequences of my unhealthy lifestyle, I want to break it and slowly by slowly redirect my path to the right one. And if you, the one who is reading is also experiencing the same thing, you're with me! I'm with you! we gonna be better soon.

I always try to not stay in my room during the day because when I do, I just sleep or binge watch series which is bad because I sometimes forget to eat. I'm the type of person whose bothered when there is nothing to do. It just gives me time to contemplate unnecessary thoughts and fight those loud voices in my head to one of the coping mechanism that works for me is organizing and cleaning out things. I love organizing stuff! from folding clothes, to washing the dishes with a new dishwashing foam and bubbly dishwashing liquid, arranging my books, basically anything about organizing. It just gives me this certain satisfaction that I do not get from doing other things. Well, it sometimes can be my downside because I tend to over work myself.. geez. I love working okay.

I am also trying out different kind of recipes (snacks and beverages). I had a lot of fun and my tummy is also happy, so are the tummy of the people surrounding me.

I'm doing a lot of digital arts lately, it's a good thing because I get to hone my skills in illutrating stuff digitally. The routine is to finish a good series (because I do consider the color grading of the film, the casting, production, the ost, typeface used, basically everything) then make a fan art out of it. Sometimes, I sketch on paper, scan it then render it digitally which is fun and liberating because I do not have to follow a guide sheet like our classes lol.

Looking back, I don't think it's entirely unproductive. It's unhealthy sure, but I think I did things that falls into the 'productive' list.

Please do not be pressured if people around you and what you see in social media is all doing productive things, or doing workouts/exercise. Remember that we are living through a pandemic and this is not some sort of vacation or summer break. This is a quarantine thing and you should look after yourself. You should do things that can help you get through and calm. Be easy on yourself and take all of the time you have to be stable. Find the coping mechanism that works for you.

Remember that everything in this world is temporary, even change. This season in our life will pass and I hope that It will serve as a lesson for us to do better next time. To be more responsible citizen. To wisely choose a government, to enroll into an institution that cares for us, to support a brand that cares and give back, to give appreciation to both front and back liners. To be a good citizen.

Wow that was a long rant-slash-thoughts, if you get 'til here, thank you for listening. I do not have anyone to talk to about my sentiments so I thought of posting it here. If it not too much to ask for, message me on my ask box if you've read all of this and let's talk (you can go anonymous). :)

Marian

[enixamyram]

Been a while since I did one of these! I stumbled upon this and it made me curious. Now I like to think of myself as reasonably fair, but I also have a deep hatred for Regina. So let’s see how this works out as I react to another Screen Rant.

I’ve already expressed my complete and utter loathing at the way OUAT had Regina handle Emma bringing Marian back many times before. No matter what way you try and spin it, Regina essentially got pissed that one of her victims being alive meant she couldn’t keep her boyfriend. That’s practically the definition of being self centred and selfish.

So, from a selfish persons point of view, yeah, this really is an awful thing Emma did to Regina. How dare she save the life of someone who might inconvenience Regina’s happy ending (note the heavy sarcasm in this last paragraph).

This one I do agree with if only because one of Regina’s attempts to get Emma out of Storybrooke was to literally try and kill her with a poison apple. And that’s not including all the other nasty and spiteful ways she came up with over the season. Though - with that said - I wouldn’t personally list this on the “worst” things Regina has done to Emma. I feel like there are a lot more worst things that could be named instead.

Disagree. Because Emma didn’t put a strain on her relationship with Henry. The writer does acknowledge that there was already a strong strain between them because Regina was lying and manipulating Henry in order to keep the town under her curse but the fact is Emma didn’t do anything but help Henry find a little happiness in his otherwise miserable life. (Starting to notice a pattern that all the “worst” things Emma’s done to Regina, all involve her trying to help someone else/making someone else happy...)

Agreed, Regina casting the curse put Emma (and a lot of other people) on a long path of misery for many years. This was one of the worst things Regina did full stop but since Emma was the most affected (I say this because the cursed people didn’t know they were living awful days every day while Emma did) it is definitely one of the worst things she did to her.

Okay, disagree and for a slightly more deeper reason. Because ignoring the black and white of this matter, Emma breaking the curse actually HELPED Regina. The writer says it “caused more problems for Regina” but the only problems it caused was making her face her victims and own up to the bad things she did. And in the end this helped Regina “redeem” and gave her more happiness than she ever had before, right down to finding love with Robin and being accepted by the people of the town and having a proper relationship with Henry. Whether or not you believe this was all just, the fact is, Emma breaking the curse is one of the BEST things she ever did to Regina.

Well... While I agree, I again don’t see it as the worst thing she did to Emma. While this no doubt upset Emma... If anything I think this also ended up helping Emma become a better mother who finally made roots and therefore settled down. While not necessarily the “best” thing Regina did for Emma (like I said Emma did for Regina in #6), I definitely can’t see it as the “worst”.

Again, worst? Really? While I actually agree with the writer (maybe Emma should have stayed out of this one) I do feel the need to say that at least Emma’s heart was in the right place. She wanted Regina to have some happiness back in her life and she though this was the way to do it. And while it didn’t work out, again, I REALLY wouldn’t have called it among the “worst things Emma done to Regina”.

Well I kind of put this under the same category of “trying to get her out of Storybrooke” but either way, definitely agree. This was one of those truly evil moments and honestly, anyone who tries to excuse it is obviously overly bias in Regina’s favour. There is no reasonable way to argue that Regina was right to try and murder Emma.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! This does NOT belong on this list AT ALL! Emma developing feelings for Graham was not one of “the worst” things she did to Regina. It was simply one of the best things for Graham since it helped free him of the curse and it’s really messed up that people try and act like Emma “stole” Graham from Regina or something. Treating it like the worst thing she did to Regina is like treating Graham as a toy rather than a human being with his own thoughts and feelings in life.

Now this I do agree with. Once again one of Regina’s more hideously evil acts during present day in Season 1, she full on murdered Graham simply for not being her sex toy any longer. And Emma was so devastated and it really was heartbreaking to watch.

...

I think the problem I have with these lists is that they’re not really sure what their subject matter is. This list is meant to be the worst things they did to each other, but like I said for #6, in the grand scheme Emma breaking the curse was one of the best things she did for Regina. And then there’s things like #5, which while awful, I wouldn’t really class as the worst thing Regina did to Emma per say. Some of these things seem more just like “awful things these characters did” in general, but then again you have ones like #10. Which, you can only see as a “worst” if you’re a selfish person.

Honestly, if I had to make my own little list, I’d say among the worst things: - Regina did to Emma was making her feel guilty for saving Marian, therefore making her doubt herself which later no doubt added to the doubt in her own powers. And as a result she nearly allowed herself to be tricked by Rumple, and all because she saved a life. - Emma did to Regina, I’d say was not trusting her own superpower when it came to Regina’s innocence in S2. Her not only doubting Regina but accusing her and taking Henry away, basically pushed Regina into her evil ways again because she figured there was no other option for her.

Anyway. Those are just my personal thoughts.

[broomsticksareoverrated]

We are all fools in love

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18876907/chapters/44806027

Obviously you've all already read this. Obviously a Gentleman Jack x Pride and Prejudice cross over hasn't just been my biggest wish since episode one. Obviously you don't need to hear me rant and rave about such a masterpiece for god knows how long.

I'm going to do it anyway.

Fujifilms, if you're on Tumblr please let me know because I want to read everything you publish for the next decade. We are all fools in love is hilarious. It's angsty. It's almost painfully cringe in a lot of places. It has actual extracts from Pride and Prejudice with Miss Darcy instead of Mr (and I can't believe that isn't a rewrite that's been done yet!). Somehow every character from the show is included in a role that fits them perfectly. Anne Lister accidentally keysmashes. Marian owns a cafe (that technically Anne owns but shhh). Ann is canonically a power bottom. There's a scene where Ann hides under Anne's sofa for no goddamn reason, for crying out loud!

If you haven't read it, go do that immediately. If you have read it, I guess go read it again? And if you're Fujifilms, then from the bottom of my heart: t h a n k y o u

[gentlemanfrown]

If you prefer to read the chapter on Tumblr, I have included it under the cut!

She returned home after visiting Dr. Kenney to find her sister and her father in the living room. She asked them about Ann's whereabouts as she sat down and they informed her Ann was in the buttery with Mrs. Barker, whose husband had brought over their infant as well. Ann had pleaded with the woman to give the children a breast each, promising that they’d find a solution in the morning. Anne decided to let Ann be for now and sat down with her sister and father, her aunt bedbound upstairs.

“So, what did you and Dr. Kenney discuss?” Her father asked and Anne sighed as she reclined.

“The couple isn’t interested in taking the child and he has no knowledge of another family that would be willing to have him, especially since he is not of working age and can’t provide.” She explained and looked over at her father. “I am thinking of registering him as mine.” She announced, making the jaws of her relatives drop.

“You cannot be serious. Anne! That boy needs a mother and a father, a proper home.” Marian said. Anne knew her sister was fully aware of her arrangement with Ann Walker, even if they hadn’t named it marriage out loud. She felt her blood start to boil, taking it as her sister telling her they were unable and unequipped to raise a child because of her lack of a husband. Men, she found, were often quite absent from the raising of a child anyway, why were people so bothered by a child not having one? She thought that it may be true, that he needed a family, more for his acceptance into the community but something in her made her want to go against the sentiment, that she too could raise a child, especially with Miss Walker by her side. “Is your wish to keep me from owning any part of what is rightfully mine this enormous? That you would burden yourself with a child?” She wondered, glaring at Anne who tried to keep her calm.

“Marian, there is no law saying that I cannot. I have the means to raise the child and he would bring some cheer to the household, would he not? It’s certainly better for him than going to an institution and Ann has expressed her desire to assist me in raising him. He will be registered as my child who, if he grows up to be agreeable, I can write into my will and if Miss Walker grows fond of him, she may as well.” She explained, already planning ahead and speaking of such things so her family could get used to it. Being born out of wedlock only meant he could not inherit from his father without a will but as she would be registered as his mother, she could have him inherit especially if she wrote it up in her will.

Marian was seething but Anne paid no mind. It was getting later and in the middle of her sister’s rant, she simply stood up and went over to the buttery. Marian's outrage actually amused her and she smiled as she walked over to the buttery. There, she couldn’t help but transform her smirk into a smile as she saw Ann cradling the little boy who seemed a lot calmer now, cuddled up against the blonde’s chest. “Mrs. Barker, thank you so much again for helping.” She told the thirty-something-year-old woman, who was cradling her own child. “It wasn’t a problem Miss Lister. I was wondering though, how are you planning to get through the night without someone to feed him?” She asked and Anne sighed. She had been wondering that as well. “I’m not quite sure.” She admitted and looked over at Ann who looked distressed at the prospect of the boy being hungry throughout the night.

Anne bit her lip, actually worried now. She was not about to let the boy leave with Mrs. Barker. “I wonder if Miss Elm could help.” Mrs. Barker said and peaked both Anne and Ann’s interest.

“She was pregnant… unwed but the baby was both without breath. It was only a few days ago and I’ve heard her complain about… the milk.” The woman said, clearly embarrassed though it didn’t phase Anne. “She… she may be able to help if she’s willing.” The woman suggested and even though it was eight o’clock, she decided to send for her with an offer of a one-month arrangement with pay to be determined to feed the child, just in case the woman didn’t agree with her. That would give her time to find another wet nurse if need be.

Mrs. Barker expressed that she would like to return home to put her daughter to sleep and that the boy should be settled for another three or so hours. Anne let her go, even though she wasn’t sure of the other young woman’s agreement to come to feed the infant. Mrs. Barker showed no interest in being a wet nurse and this was her child, which was odd to think, so she wanted to care for him.

She sat down next to Ann, who was still holding him after Mrs. Barker had left and smiled softly at her wife. “He is… rather precious, isn’t he, when he isn’t howling.” She mused softly, which made Ann smile and agree quietly. Anne reached out and couldn’t resist moving her finger over his soft cheek. Ann sighed. “So, when does he go?” She asked, her voice betraying more emotion than she showed.

Anne looked up. “He isn’t.” She told Ann, whose whole face slowly lit up. “Really?” She asked with tears in her eyes and Anne matched her expression of joy though, her eyes did remain dry.

“I agree that an institution is not suitable and there is no family in want of a child, so… I shall register him as mine, to make sure he has a birth certificate and… he shall live here with us.” She explained and Anne thanked God no one was present because Ann kissed her with an intensity and joy that could not be put away as platonic, still holding onto the little boy in her arms. “Thank you. Thank you so much, Anne.” She mumbled against her lips and Anne smiled into the kiss before she pulled back, not wishing anyone to walk in on them in such a position. “In effect, he’ll be our son. I will be his mother on paper, but… we will do this together.” She offered and Ann Walker’s grin could have lit up the entire room.

They discussed the sleeping arrangements. There were only enough rooms for Aunt Ann, her father, Marian and the two of them. The wet nurse would have to sleep in the servant’s quarters, but did that mean that their son had to sleep there as well? “I wish we could get rid of Marian, then we could install a nursery there.” Anne mused which earned her a chastising from Ann and a swat on her arm, who found that comment wholly uncalled for. Anne chuckled nonetheless. They decided that for now, the child would sleep in the servants quarters, in a makeshift cot as they didn’t like the idea of the child sleeping next to one of the servants.

They were in luck that Miss Elm was looking for income and was willing to feed him. Anne and the young woman had a short meeting after her arrival at Shibden, around nine, to discuss her payments. Then, the young woman was led to the servant’s quarters where Anne told one of the men to make ‘something resembling a cot’ and told her that she’d bring the child in when he was hungry or when she’d retreat to bed.

Anne was glad to hear that Ann wanted to take the baby up with them, to the bed to lounge there which none of the family members made any objections to. She longed to relax with Ann and their new little chap, to talk things over. That is how they ended up on each side of the bed with the baby in the middle. He was on his back, sleeping peacefully and Ann pressed a kiss to the boy’s forehead. “I wonder why his mother left him… and left him with us, of all people.” The blonde mused and Anne sighed. She had wondered it too. If they'd wanted him to have a rich or highly esteemed family, there were other options aside from them. They were whispered about, especially since Ann moved into Shibden Hall.

“Probably illegitimate, or a child that wasn’t her husbands and she was afraid. Maybe a family who was too poor to care for him. We can’t know. Marian hadn’t heard of anyone who had appeared pregnant and now had no child… Maybe she came here from another town.” She told her and sighed. “But he’s ours now, or he will be once I get him registered. I hope they don’t make it difficult.” She told Ann, as she thought of how to handle the situation of having him registered.

“I can’t believe you are doing this,” Ann said. “I was so frightened that you’d send him away. He is so perfect and you know I have always wanted children… He is our only chance.” She explained and Anne smiled softly. She knew it was true and just seeing her wife’s happiness made her quite sure she’d made the right choice. She supported herself on her arm and leaned in to press a kiss to Ann’s lips. “I told you we’d have a fulfilling life together. You have always expressed your interest to have a child so… then, it’s the right course of action.” She simply said and looked down at the little boy.

She studied him and guessed he was 1 foot and six inches, maybe seven inches long. He wasn’t a chubby baby by any means, but he certainly wasn’t emaciated either. He had a round little head with short, brown hairs sticking up from his head. He had eyes that did resemble her own - she’d seen them earlier when he’d been awake. He had a small button nose and a lower lip that was a bit puffier than his upper lip. His ears were close to his head and were rather small in comparison to his head, but it didn’t look unusual. He was perfect, all in all, and she sighed softly.

She still had to get used to the idea that he would be here now, permanently and that he would probably call her his mother. That was odd, she thought and for the first time wondered if she’d be any good at it - motherhood. Then again, as she looked at Ann’s sweet nature, she was reminded that she didn’t have to do it by herself and that Ann showed all the signs of being a good mother. Together, they’d be a mother -mothers- and Ann would probably pass as a close Aunt. She wondered if they’d ever need to tell their son about their true connection. He’d find out, wouldn’t he? She thought. How would he react to that? Would it affect his behavior?

“What’s going on in there?” Ann asked softly and playfully tapped Anne’s forehead which made the older woman smile.

“I was just going over the events of the day and thinking about how quickly situations can change.” She told Miss Walker who nodded in agreement as she looked down at the boy, still wrapped in a blanket and with that diaper on which he hadn’t soiled yet, luckily.

“Can we go into Halifax tomorrow?” Ann asked. “To get him registered and order a cot for him?” She wondered. “And get some fabrics to make a few blankets so we can swaddle him properly. Maybe we could get him an outfit from the dressmaker? Just one, I’ll knit clothes for him for when he’s bigger.” She explained, getting lost in her planning for the baby, which made Anne just lean onto her hand, her other resting on the little baby’s stomach protectively without even thinking about it as she watched Ann’s excitement, the other noticing the attention she was receiving.

“Why are you regarding me in such a way?” Ann asked amusement and fondness in her voice. The choice to keep the boy had certainly had a positive effect on Ann, at least for now.

“Because you’re… so beautiful when you are excited. The light that comes to your eyes… it’s stunning, truly.” Anne told her and she knew that she wasn’t a verbally romantic person. She didn’t recite poetry, she didn’t compliment excessively and so, Ann wasn’t used to this type of talk. The blush that followed was gorgeous and took Anne’s breath away.

“We haven’t had time to prepare, which is why I am feeling rather… agitated to get us really settled.” Ann explained and Anne just smiled.

“One detail you have forgotten, though.” Anne teasingly said and Ann frowned, going over her list in her head. She seemed puzzled by what Anne had said, which made the older woman laugh softly. “A name, perhaps, for him?” She wondered and Ann’s eyes went wide “A name, yes!” Ann exclaimed and then immediately started to think, Anne could see the concentration on her face.

“Well, if you are to claim him as yours, I am assuming his last name will be Lister.” Ann started which made Anne smile. If she was to claim the child for herself, then she would give him her own last name. “Well…” Ann said, after a few moments of silence. “What about Theodore?” She asked and looked down at their son, with an expression of affection that made Anne’s heartbeat speed up. She was in love with her, there was no other explanation for what she was feeling. She had almost given up on that - real love, after Mariana. “He is a gift from God after all,” Ann spoke.

Anne wanted Ann to name him, to signify her bond with the child as well. “That is a strong name, I do like it. Theodore James Lister would be my suggestion.” Anne spoke and was met with a smile of approval.

“I cannot grasp it fully, that - if everything goes well - he could be ours. Anne… you’ve made me the happiest woman in the world, you do realize that don’t you?” Ann sighed happily and Anne felt Ann’s hand cover hers on Theodore’s stomach.

“That’s all I have ever wanted,” Anne told her wife, looking at her angelic face illuminated by candlelight. Her actions of the day, deciding to keep the child and how happy it made Ann, had her excited for the night to come. Surely, Ann would show her appreciation in the most enjoyable way... “How about I bring Theodore downstairs while Eugenie assists you with getting ready for bed?” She suggested as it was drawing close to ten o’clock.

Ann giggled. “Will you be able to carry him properly?” She wondered and Anne looked down at the little boy.

“Well, I am sure it cannot be that challenging.” She said, puffing her chest out as she sat up and looked down at the infant. She frowned in concentration as she moved her hand under the baby’s head and neck. Support, she remembered and then slipped her hand under his buttocks. Yes, she lifted him up but looked rather akin to holding some sort of explosive device.

Ann giggled once more, amused at seeing her wife interact with the little child. “Annie, let me help you.” She said, not even noticing the nickname she used which made Anne look at her in surprise. Ann just took her expression as confusion as to why she needed help. “Here,” Ann said as she assisted Anne in moving her hands so she could hold him more comfortably, close to herself with an arm underneath the baby. “There you go,” Ann said and leaned forward to kiss her wife’s cheek, jaw, and finishing at her neck. “Hurry back.” She whispered against her skin and Anne shuddered at the affection.

She got up from the bed as well, feeling a little uncomfortable holding an infant. She was terrified of dropping him. She had never done this before, never feeling the need to whenever a child was presented to her.

She passed Eugenie whom she told to go help Ann get ready for bed before she went to bring the child to the quarters, complimenting her servant on the makeshift crib. That would do, Anne thought as she had no qualms kneeling on the floor to put him in it. She hesitated for a second but then leaned down and kissed his forehead. She was sure the servants’ eyebrows hit their hairline but she didn’t much mind. Her mother never showed that much affection, but she did kiss her forehead before bed sometimes and Anne remembered it fondly.

“His name is Theodore.” She told the wet nurse, feeling an odd sense of pride at announcing his name, which she hadn’t expected to feel. The servants complimented her on the choice, as she stood up. “If anything is amiss with him, do not hesitate to come to knock on my bedroom door.” She told Miss Elm who nodded obediently. She had made sure to include knocking because she could not have anyone walk in unannounced, ever.

She bid the servants goodnight and went upstairs to join her wife, still not fully able to grasp the profound change this child would bring to their life.

It was another half hour before they both made it to bed. The candles on the nightstands illuminated their bedroom and they just looked at each other, clearly both overwhelmed by it all - in the best way possible. Anne’s hand was on Ann's waist and Anne's hand lay on her wife's hip. They were quiet together and Ann was smiling gently. “We have a family of our own now, with him,” Ann spoke softly and Anne grinned right back. It was something she had given up on long ago, the idea she could be a parent - ever and now, with her wife, she’d be raising a child, as a proper married couple would. It was better than she could have ever dreamed of. “Thank you so much,” Ann whispered, clearly emotional and moved forward, meeting Anne’s lips with her own. “Thank you so much.” She repeated against Anne’s lips.

Anne kissed her back and wrapped her arm around Ann’s waist now, pressing herself close to her. “I love you,” Ann told Anne. Ann was always eager to express her love, physically or verbally. Anne had been a lot slower in that process, still hurt from Vere’s actions. She had all but given up that any of this could really happen but Ann had given her hope again. So, Anne, without hesitation this time, told her: “I love you too.” and continued to kiss her, softly and slowly - preciously. Ann was that to her - so incredibly precious.

She was excited about their future, but there was an anxious feeling nagging as well - about the reaction of the town, of how it would change them as a couple to have a little one, how the child would be regarded by the community, whether they’d really be any good at this parenting thing, but as they kissed and as Ann whispered her love and appreciation, Anne found that she could relax. Tomorrow was another day to worry about this and deal with it, as she dealt with everything. Now, their son was being looked after and she trusted her other servants to make sure that the new wet-nurse would do as she should. She could just be right now, be with Ann.

She deepened the kiss and Ann responded in turn, kissing her back passionately and letting out those small moans Anne adored. It was unexpected how this child bonded them together already, how it made Anne want to be closer to Ann than ever before. A private marriage was one thing but a commitment to parent together? It made everything that much more sold. It made her body press itself closer to Ann. They kissed, laying on their sides, for minutes, until Anne’s lips were tingling. She couldn’t help but sit up and pull her nightgown off as Ann did the same. They weren’t afraid anyone would come into the room unannounced anymore. It was common knowledge to at least knock, and surely no one would need them at this hour.

Anne gazed upon Ann’s chest and reached out to touch her wife’s breasts, her thumbs playing nimbly with the other woman’s nipples and making the blonde pant and moan. She noticed Ann’s eyes on her own chest, which made her feel a little uneasy. She’d told Ann she didn’t like them touched much and she knew Ann did want to, she could see that she desired to explore but Anne just wasn’t comfortable. They always felt like a part of her that maybe shouldn’t have been there and now that it was, she liked to leave it ignored. It didn’t feel great anyway, to be touched there. So, she leaned forward and kissed Ann, hoping to refocus the woman’s attention, which it did.

Anne loved how fragile Ann felt in her arms and how soft every part of her was. As they lay there kissing, their skin pressed together and Ann's hard nipples pressed just above Anne's own. She loved how that felt and slipped her own thigh between Ann's legs before she rolled them over so she was on top.

What she hadn't expected was Ann's own knee to come up between her legs, making her thigh press between her legs. “Oh!” Anne exclaimed in surprise.

Ann bit her lip to suppress a grin at her strong Anne’s reaction. “I want to… together.” Ann said as she pressed her thigh firmer against Anne who was straddling it now, Anne’s own thigh getting wet from pressing against Ann. Anne was now breathing heavily as well. She had never expected to find an active partner like Ann so appealing. Before, she’d always gotten quite excited about women who were happy to lay back and let her do whatever she wanted. Ann on the other hand sure had ideas of her own and it was very attractive, Anne decided.

Anne gazed down at Ann and nodded in agreement with her wish before capturing her lips hungrily and starting to move her hips and leg. It took a few moments, both of them letting out small giggles and laughs between kisses. It was easier said than done to figure it out but eventually, the giggles were interrupted by moans as they did get it right. They built a slow movement at first, Anne grinding down on Ann's thigh and as she slid back up, she could press her own thigh between Ann's humping hips. Heavy breathing and moans filled the room - higher pitched ones from Ann, slightly breathier ones from Anne. Ann was bucking up against Anne, holding onto the other woman’s strong back. “Oh, Anne…” She moaned softly.

Ann let her hands roam over Anne's back before she moved them down fully to grasp Anne's behind, making the older woman groan and kiss her neck. “Anne… more…” Ann finally said, blushing even deeper at voicing what she wanted.

Their damp skin slid together as Anne sped up her movements, which in turn made Ann moan louder. Anne knew she should tell her to be quiet but half the household was deaf and Marian really was none of her concern. She loved hearing Ann’s enjoyment and as she felt her own orgasm build, she moved so she could move her hand down between them. She felt Ann shudder as she pressed two fingers inside of her and now used her thigh to press her fingers inside of Ann firmly. Having her fingers inside of her wife always made her feel more connected to her and making her feel good like this also gave her the feeling that she was claiming her. No one else would ever touch her there again. Ann was hers, Anne thought as she moved her fingers inside of her blonde wife in a faster and harder pace. Ann arched her back and Anne sat up, grinding herself against Ann’s thigh and pushing her fingers inside of Ann in tune. Ann was so incredibly wet and with Ann’s back arched, Anne had a gorgeous view of her elegant neck and her breasts, which moved with the rhythm of their lovemaking. The wet sounds of her fingers inside of Ann pushed Anne further towards the edge.

They were gazing at each other through hooded eyes, their lips apart as they were panting and Ann was the first whose mouth opened further, whose muscles tensed and squeezed down on Anne’s fingers. A low moan left the younger woman’s lips and the gasping moans that followed were enough to speed up Anne’s movements on Ann’s thigh. She was soaking Ann’s skin and she closed her eyes in concentration, leaning onto her arm as Ann helped her movements along with her hands on her behind.

Anne gasped out Ann’s name as she seized against her thigh. She shook as Ann loved seeing Anne’s pleasure. She often heard Anne pleasure herself after they’d been together, even felt her move but she was always too shy to look or ask to participate in any way.

She regretted that now and made a commitment to ask to look or touch Anne in some way next time their lovemaking ended like that. Anne was absolutely gorgeous like this, she thought as she watched her face. Ann smiled, still catching her own breath as Anne collapsed on top of her and buried her face in her neck. It was so rare for Anne to show any kind of vulnerability, to not roll over and jot down something in her diary. She groaned softly as Anne removed her fingers and she held Anne close. She didn’t care that they were sticky and sweaty, she didn’t care that it was incredibly hot to be pressed together. She laid her cheek against Anne’s temple as her wife’s face was still buried in her neck, both of them catching their breath. It was in moments like this that she felt almost as one with Anne, a woman who still puzzled her on a daily basis and who still seemed unattainable sometimes, even now they were married.

Their night wasn’t over. It wasn’t long before soft whispers of appreciation and sweet kisses turned more intense again. Anne loved tasting Ann and as it was not midnight yet, she figured they had time for all of this without being exhausted in the morning. Ann’s hands had gripped the headboard, her thighs as far apart as she would go as she enjoyed Anne’s ministrations. She was always so willing to give herself, Anne thought as she hummed into the other woman’s core and held onto her hips as the woman tried to buck as she came again. It always made her feel very loved when Ann was so eager to let Anne take charge.

When Ann returned the favor, it was a little different. She was allowed between Anne’s thighs and she too loved giving Anne such intimate pleasure with her mouth, but Anne’s hands were in her hair, not fully controlling her movements but certainly guiding her. Ann didn’t much mind, she found it quite appealing to be told, silently, what to do and Anne’s need for control didn’t make the sight of her wife in the throes of passion any less breathtaking. Ann kissed her way back up Anne’s body with deliciously swollen lips and kissed her deeply. Ann, nor Anne, couldn’t remember a time they had been this happy.

Around midnight, Anne drifted off to sleep with her arm wrapped around Ann, spooning her from behind but, as Ann had learned, there were times something happened. Anne, in her sleep, would turn around and press back against Ann, which reversed their positions. It was as if, since they had made a commitment, Anne was less guarded around her, even when she wasn’t conscious. It was incredibly sweet Ann thought, and she’d never mention it to Anne whom Ann was sure would be a little embarrassed.

Ann just moved up behind her wife, whose strength and intellect made her imposing and looked at her as she wrapped her arm around the older woman’s waist. She still looked stern, even as she slept but she looked so much softer. Her hair was loose, her face was relaxed and curled up on her side, she didn’t look much like the Anne everyone else saw. Ann thought that Anne looked like what she would imagine an angel to look and she smiled tenderly. No one else would probably make that assessment but then again, most people never saw Anne like this. Ann leaned down to kiss her jaw and neck softly, whispering she loved her and bidding her goodnight again before she laid down, her nose buried in Anne’s hair and vaguely thinking they should have gotten dressed before drifting off to sleep. Though, as Anne shifted in her sleep and their skin pressed together deliciously, Ann found she was willing to take the small risk of someone walking in on them. This was worth it.

[thornescratch]

I want to watch old Washington Capitals games but I don't know which. If you have any favourite games from the past, would you mind recommending some? It could be your favourite because they won, or they were hilarious while loosing, or even because something memorable or amusing happened at the game. I am asking you because you obviously have a lot of passion for this team, and also because you might have fellow Caps fan followers who might be willing to offer recs too. Thank you in advance!

Oh! This is a super fun question, so thank you. Hmm. This is hard because I know I’m going to write a ton and then remember “I LEFT OUT SUCH AND SUCH GAME” as soon as I hit post. So, yeah, if anyone’s reading this and wants to chime in with their favorite Caps games, please feel free!

And I’m not sure how you’re going to watch these games– hell, I’m not sure all the ones I’d recommend are available, but, I’ll try to be cognizant of that. So. That said. I should probably take this moment to note that if you want to have an actual convenient DVD, Amazon sells one of the 10 Greatest Capitals Games. You used to be able to buy it in the team store, but I haven’t seen it there in a couple years, so.

That particular DVD is very much geared to the Ovechkin era, which I don’t really see as a bad thing, but I don’t know you. And if you’re looking for much more of a deep dive into past Caps history, the DVD does include some of the most exciting and seminal games, but it’s much more current in general. I do get the mindset of people who have been around for this entire franchise and scoff at only focusing at 2005 on. I do get it! But the thing is, when you try to watch old games, you run into the fact they’re one, hard to find, two, generally of terrible video quality.

…Also the reviewer on Amazon who bitches because they think it should include the 4 OT Easter Epic should be soundly donkeypunched. Look, buddy, we all signed up for a disproportionate amount of disappointment as Caps fans, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be memorialized on a DVD. With that said, here are the games I love to rewatch or remember or I just think they’re neat. I’ll start with the DVD games because that’s convenient, and then go on with some other ones I like

Here’s what the DVD includes. All of these are good games to watch.

4/16/1988 - Dale Hunter scores the series’ winner in overtime as the Caps beat the Philadelphia Flyers 5-4 to win Game 7 of the Patrick Division semi-final. This was the one they used in that “History will” series of NHL commercials because we have so few good playoff highlights.

4/17/1996 - In the Eastern Conference quarter-final against the Pittsburgh Penguins, the team rallies from a three-goal deficit to win 6-4.

6/4/1998 - Joe Juneau scores the overtime winner in Game 6 of the Eastern Conference finals, and the Caps go onto their first (and only) Stanley Cup appearance.

10/5/2005 - Ovechkin’s first NHL game. He scores two goals, hits a dude so hard the glass pane falls out, and Caps beat Columbus Blue Jackets 3-2.

11/23/2007 - First Bruce Boudreau coaching game, an overtime win against Philadelphia. Ah, Bruce.

1/31/2008 - Ovechkin’s (first) four goal game against the Habs, where he broke his nose (again) and won the game in OT.

4/5/2008 - Caps win 3-1 against the Florida Panthers to gain their first playoff appearance in five years, after having to win 11 of 12 down the stretch and pushing to the last day.

4/11/2008 - Ovechkin’s first NHL playoff game, with him leading the team to a come-from-behind win over Philadelphia.

4/28/2009 - Russian legend Sergei Fedorov, in his first and last season with the Caps, provides the game-winning goal in Game 7 against the New York Rangers, leading the Caps to win 2-1 in the Eastern Conference quarterfinals. God, that goal. (Also, don’t look now, but that was a Game 7 the Caps won.)

5/4/2009 - The Ovechkin-Crosby dueling hat tricks playoff game with the Caps winning 4-3. (This was also where Crosby complained about hats being thrown on the ice. Like, there are many other reasons he’s never going to be on my Christmas card list, but this was him at some of his whiniest and pettiest, and when I think of reasons why I don’t care for the dude, this one tends to flash across my mind. Because I am also petty. EXCELSIOR.)

OTHER PLAYOFF GAMES.

HEY YES I KNOW EVERYONE MAKES FUN OF US ABOUT THE PLAYOFFS WELL HERE ARE SOME PLAYOFFS GAMES YOU CAN WATCH AND ENJOY.

4/20/2011 - Game four of the series with the New York Rangers. Yeah, yeah, the Caps have had their share of OT pain with the Rangers. But this comes from one of the shorter playoff series the Caps enjoyed in the Ovechkin era, and hey look, it’s a double OT WIN, which came about after the Caps had fallen behind 3-0 in the game, and then forced OT and won it on what was described as a “freaky sort of development play”. Marian Gaborik, in an attempt to clear the puck, accidentally yanked it away from Lundqvist and passed it directly to Jason Chimera, who promptly put it back in the net, and then skated the length of the ice in basically two seconds while his teammates tried to catch him for hugs. (Game 5 of that series was also pretty good because it’s one of the few times where the Caps were closing out a series and never looked worried during it. Just a nice solid win.)

4/25/2012 - Game Seven of the series with the Boston Bruins. Yeah, yeah, the Caps and Game 7′s. HERE’S ONE THAT WE ACTUALLY WON. This series was so fucking close and insane and it was the NHL playoff debut of a young Braden Holtby who came storming up from the AHL after both Tomas Vokoun and Michal Neuvirth went down to freak injury and went on to become the Bruins’s worst nightmare. (If you love Braden Holtby, you should remember that ex-Cap then-Panther Marco Sturm falling on Michal Neuvirth is what propelled Holtby into the playoffs out of necessity, and therefore most Caps fans probably owe him a drink.) And of course, this was the game of Joel Ward’s OT winner, with a helping of Mike Knuble’s gigantic ass in Tim Thomas’s face, (and I’m frankly still amazed the Caps didn’t get boned with a GI call on it), and man do I love me some Joel Ward.

4/27/2015 - Game Seven of the series with the Islanders. ANOTHER GOOD OUTCOME GAME SEVEN. This game seven on the other hand wasn’t as close (though every Caps fan was puckered and freaking during it) and the Caps were dominating. Joel Ward scored first for the Caps, and they outshot New York and were handling the Isles with ease, only to have everyone almost lose their shit when Holtby made a mistake and let Nielson tie. However, just as the Bruins series was Holtby’s debut party, the Isles series was Evgeny Kuznetsov’s Big Show. He scored with just over seven minutes left in the game on Halak, the goalie who’d tortured the Caps in 2010, and it was another successful Game 7 and series win. Since we don’t have a ton of those, enjoy it.

4/18/2016 - Game Three of the series with the Flyers. This was the, uh, Bracelet Game. But it was also a game where the Caps scored five goddamn powerplay goals to win 6-1 and took a 3-0 series lead for the first time in– well, ever. (At least in the seven game series era.) This is why it narrowly beats out Game Two, which had the Steve Mason “OH NO” goal given up to Jason Chimera.

4/19/2017 - I feel like I should include a Leafs playoff series game here from 2017 for completeness sake. Uh. Hmm. Let’s go with Game Four, since it had Tom Wilson saving a goal, then going down ice to score a goal, and was high-scoring, super-close, and barely squeaked away from going to OT.

OTHER REGULAR SEASON GAMES

1/1/2011, 1/1/2015 - Both Winter Classics. CAPS ARE UNDEFEATED IN OUTDOOR GAMES. Plus, they both serve as a good excuse to rewatch the HBO 24/7 and Epix Road to the Winter Classic specials.

2/7/2010 - Snowvechkin. Ovi had a hat trick against the Pens, the Caps had to come from behind, there was bizarre reffing, and Caps won. This was all the more impressive because DC was essentially under two feet of snow at this point and for the intrepid souls who basically walked into the city on foot to see the game, they got a real gem.

2/6/2011 - The Caps shut out the Pens 3-0 on Superbowl Sunday, but more dramatically, shaved ape on skates and career injury-causing cockmonger Matt Cooke tried to go knee on knee with Alex Ovechkin in the process and Nicklas Backstrom did his best to punch everliving shit out of him for doing it. It’s great seeing Backstrom get in Cooke’s face and throw hands afterthe shot on Ovechkin. If “ice in his veins and murder in his eyes” Backstrom is that visibly emotional,then somebody done done somebody wrong.

3/7/2011 - Holtby comes on in relief of Neuvirth in a game against the Bolts, when Neuvirth takes a shot off the mask and gets a sliver of metal in his eye. He held the Caps in it, and went on to help get the shootout win, 2-1. This was the very beginning of his career, and he’d go on to start the post-season against the Bruins and really blossom.

1/24/2012: Matty Perreault tricks the Bruins. This was an interesting game because it was one of the games Ovechkin was suspended for, after the NHL decided to make an example out of him and suspend him for a hit on Michalek but still require him to go to the ASG. Ovechkin not eager to play the NHL game of cookie-cutter villain / showdog to trot out and make money (boy, if you ever want to get an earful of rant, start me off on that particular suspension because I will not shut up about it, ever) and withdrew from the ASG. With Ovechkin out for suspension and Nicklas Backstrom concussed by noted shitstain Rene Bourque, and Mike Green also injured, it wasn’t looking good– until diminutive hero Matty P stepped up (and later got a shaving cream pie, courtesy of his proud captain who essentially rushed out of the press box in his suit and down to the ice to do it) to win the damn game with his hatty.

Fun fact with this game: Perreault somehow managed to high-stick Chara in the face during this game.Ponder that one for a minute. One might wonder how Perreault could even high-stick someone who routinely gets calls from Logan Airport to please move his head sothe planes can take off, without sneaking a ladder onto the ice or something.

2/24/2012 - Caps beat Habs 4-1. There’s an Ovechkin pretty goal in this one, but this real thing I remember is that Mike Green was itching to get back at Rene Bourque for concussing Backstrom, and boy did he. Green was playing Bourque because of the puck coming his waynear the net, but as soon as he saw the puck was past and out of danger, heturned his full attention to absolutely nailing Bourque and shoving him face-first into the goal-side. It was awesome.“Oh, did I fling you into the goal post? My bad, man.”

3/29/2012 - Matt Hendricks wins the shootout for Washington 3-2 and completely turns Tim Thomas inside out. At that point, you expected players like PKane or Datsyuk or Oshie to make beautiful, awe-inspiring SO moves.Matt Hendricks? Well, that’s a secret Caps fans knew and reveled in, and then welaughed at the other teams when they went, “Matt Hendricks, seriously? That’swho you're—oh, fuck. Fuck! fuuuuuuck! Where the fuck did that come from?!”

4/16/2013 - Ovechkin nearly tears Jay McClement’s head off for boarding Backstrom. This was a Caps 5-1 win over Toronto, and you’ve probably seen the clip in question. It was encouraging to see how much the team rushed to start a line brawl for Nicky’s sake. Backstrom, it should be noted, stood right back up and threw himself after the guy throwing himself at Ovi, so it went both ways.

12/10/2013 - I could describe all of Ovi’s four goal games, but this one against the Bolts, a 6-5 shootout win, was super dramatic and his first since 2008, a five year span. I’m just going to quote the RMNB recap of it: First, Mike Green committed a penalty and the Lightningscored. Then, Mike Green committed a penalty and the Lightning scored. Then, ina Shyamalany plot twist, Mike Green was on-ice when the Lightning scored. Holtbywas like, “Sick of you, Mike,” and he peaced out; Grubauer in. AlexOvechkin put the team on the board with an instant-score following a faceoff.Okay, buckle up. Here we go.

Troy Brouwer proved unable, so Nick Backstrom finished off the powerplay for him. Then, Alex Ovechkin happened. After Richard Panik earned a 5-minute major for boarding Karl Alzner, the Russian machine made Tampa pay. Twice. First, he laid up a cross-ice pass from Marcus Johansson, then he took a one-timer from Green to tie the game. Hats rained down. Another three-goal second period for the Washington Capitals.

Ondrej Palat put the Bolts back up in the third, taking advantage of some observational Capitals defense, but the Caps weren’t done. With the Caps net empty, Alex Ovechkin struck again, scoring his 4th goal of the night. HIS FOURTH FOARTH GOAL OF THE NIGHT.

12/13/2014 - Backstrom’s natural hat trick against the Lightning. He’s just so silky smooth.

10/23/2015 - Evgeny Kuznetsov’s hat trick and five point night against the Edmonton Oilers.

11/16/2016 - Nicklas Backstrom has another 5 five point night as the Caps skull the Penguins 7-1. Fun fact: At that point in time, Backstrom had had five five-point games, one more than Ovechkin, equaling Crosby, and one less than Malkin. And… no All Star Game appearances or Selkes, because the NHL is stupid.

If you want to know his other five point games up until then, they were:

11/16/2016 against Pittsburgh Penguins – 2 goals, 3 assists12/10/2013 against Tampa Bay Lightning – 1 goal, 4 assists02/04/2010 against New York Rangers – 1 goal, 4 assists12/05/2009 against Philadelphia Flyers – 1 goal, 4 assists11/15/2008 against New Jersey Devils – 1 goal, 4 assists

1/7/2017 - Backstrom’s 500th assist, on a TJ Oshie goal. It’s harder to pick out favorite Backstrom games because his game is so quiet and focused on operating in the shadows. Usually he’s having some kind of tremendous game that people focus on the dudes scoring the goals off the magical moves he’s making.

1/22/2017 - Ovechkin’s 1000th point. 35 seconds in, against the Pens. FUN FACT I WAS THERE FOR THIS ONE. I have a good friend from out of town who is a Pens fan (I’m as shocked as you), and for the past couple years she’s come to town from across the country when the Caps play the Pens, and my record with her was ABYSMAL. Until this game, I had never seen the Caps win in person at Verizon while she was there, but then this one happened, and she very kindly didn’t shove me over the ledge of the nosebleeds to my death, as she would have probably been in full rights to do after all the hooting and capering I was doing.

LOSSES? UH….

I don’t have a lot of recs for Caps losses because, well, I’m not a masochist. But if you must, I would recommend two particular ones first because the fights were bonkers.

11/21/1998 - Caps vs. Bruins. These is notable because of the goalie fight. Most notably, the one that’s been called “The Dance” between Byron Dafoe and Olie Kolzig, since– well, you’ll know it when you see it. The backstory is, Dafoe and Kolzig were close friends– best men at each other’s weddings, even. And when the Bruins and Caps threw down in their line brawl, Dafoe grabbed Dale Hunter (Dale Hunter having been just momentarily pried out from the dogpile and had just been separated from Ken Belanger) and Kolzig came down the ice to get in on the action. However, Kolzig decided to fight Ken Belanger (since the refs had turned around to deal with Dale Hunter) which was… uh, probably not a good idea.

Dafoe and Hunter had simultaneous “Ho-shit, son,” realizations, immediately stopped fighting each other, and flung themselves at Kolzig and Belanger respectively. Dafoe grabbed Kolzig and basically waltzed him away from Belanger before he could get his head smashed in, and Hunter went back to fighting Belanger. Kolzig and Dafoe pulled each other’s jerseys off while Kolzig seemed torn between trying to yell at Dafoe for yanking him out of the fight and laughing at his friend. Everyone on the ice got tossed and the Caps lost 5-4 in OT.

1/12/2010 - Caps vs. Bolts. You actually don’t really have to watch this whole game, which was a 7-4 loss. You just need to watch Steve Downie and Alex Ovechkin drop the gloves and prepare to fight, only to have Matt Bradley come streaking in at the last second and literally steal the fight out of Ovechkin’s hands. Dan Steinberg did a great write-up of it for the Sportsbog. It’‘s kind of hilarious because, well, Ovi and Downie were both completely taken by surprise. If you catch any of the later analyst clips, you can see Bradley watching Ovi and Downie yell at each in the box, keeping an eye on the unfolding events like a hawk, screaming urgently at Eric Fehr to get the hell off the ice so he can get on without getting the instigator, and then just making a direct beeline for the fight so he can get in front of Ovi and punch Downie in the face.

12/16/2014 - The never ending fucking shoot out with the Panthers. Ugh. I refuse to even google this to find highlights. WE WENT THROUGH THE ENTIRE GODDAMN ROSTER. EVEN BROOKS FUCKING ORPIK SCORED. ON A TRIPLE DEKE. I still refuse to believe the entire thing wasn’t a fever dream from the mind of Roberto Luongo while passed out on the can. It did at least give us the notable mic’d up quote of “Coach Korn has a pitched tent in the stands right now,” though.

WAIT IT’S BAD LUCK TO END ON A LOSS, LET’S END WITH SOME MORE WINS.

1/08/2016 - This game had everything I say, in my best breathy Stefon voice. A quick two goal lead for the Caps. Giving up three goals to fall behind. Nicklas Backstrom slamming in a loose puck with less than ten seconds left to tie it. OT madness. Nate Schmidt and his skate helping Holtby save an almost slam dunk Ranger goal off the faceoff in OT. Ovechkin grabbing the saved puck and going end to end to score in OT. Ovechkin falling on his face. Happy, huggy chaos by the Caps on Madison Square Garden ice. Ovi one away from 500 goals…

1/10/2016 - Ovechkin’s 500th. This might be my favorite game (for now…), not because it was a blowout win, not because Ovechkin actually had two in this game, one of which involved dangling Erik Karlsson’s pants off, but watching the team come to celebrate with him, seeing how much they loved him and were overjoyed for him and had actually planned it out in advance without his knowledge… that’s just something special. It was just a really, really good moment that very little can spoil for me, no matter what.

[sanhatation]

ri’s thicc 2017 reflection post !

its still quite a few hours away from 2018 for me but i just wanted to take this time to reflect on my absolutely Lovely 2017!!! yay time 2 get sappy as i word vomit and overshare about my year on tumblr.com !!!!

thank you loads to all of my LOVELY followers !!!!!!!!! yall are the cutest, make my day on the daily ! i wish you the best 2018 that the world can offer !!! stay healthy, take time for yourself, love yourself, love others, and be kind! 💓💓

this Riley Rant here, is gonna be here for me than anything. like a Fat journal entry !! and i am an Oversharer so here she goes [jeopardy music]

to begin, i have met and befriended so many amazing people on here this year and WOW!!!!!! lovely and supportive and talented, beautiful aroha friends??? it doesnt get better than that!!!!! i would attempt to tag all of u but yall know who u are ;)) im endlessly grateful to those of you who have really made being on here worth it. heck ya sometimes im like “why do i even spend time on here” but then!!!! idk sunny comes swingin in with just a heart full of love or sara comes swingin in with her eggs or marian comes swingin in with her rare pairs or j comes swingin in with her baking posts and thats not even HALF of it !!!!! seriously.....love you guys tons.

to my friends who i have had the pleasure of remaining your friend this year and getting closer to u !! i love you. i really dont know how yall handle me especially 2015/2016 me?? a MESS! yall are the REALEST. again, yall know who u are ;)) i hope we can continue to talk and have fun in 2018, i wish yall the best. 

and lastly....heres a THICC shoutout to my six shining stars. 

as for me as an individual, 2017 was a freaking Whack year. it was incredible....dare i say, iconic. and now its time for.....RILEY’S 2017 HIGHLIGHTS !!!!!! (also includes: the sucky parts bc even those allowed me to grow !)

- man, did 2017 start out pretty rough when my country decided it was a good idea to elect a freakin cheeto for president. however! i had the lovely opportunity to attend the women’s march at my capital the day before inauguration !! and it was powerful!!!! truly an experience ill treasure forever!

- binch....thank u Winter Dream for my whole life. tbh i wont forget sobbing at my best friend’s house when it dropped. thank u Miss Again Dance Practice. thank u Miss You & Me MV. thank u Miss Cotton Candy Choreography. thank u. 

- ah.....when some pinhead started that tr*mp chanting at a basketball game lol! so iconic that we made the new york times! gotta love that....

- OMG !!! HOW TO SUCCEED !!!! an absolutely amazing experience. granted, the male lead was a Snake, but i had a blast. Rosemary will forever be close to my heart and ill always cry a little when i hear Brotherhood of Man or Paris Original !! such an awesome opportunity. i learned a frick ton about myself as a performer. i improved a ton in acting and dancing, and also came to learn that i am very good at receiving instructions and memorizing lines quickly. i learned that i need to work on some of my facial expressions and i also learned some of my habits ! i miss u Queenie H2$ :’’)

- had my first tap dance performance ever??? i really enjoyed learning tap, and i hope to pick it back up in the future !!!!

- BIIIIIINCCH i had the opportunity to visit my sister in korea!!!!!!! wow.....truly the BEST week of my entire year, maybe even LIFE! i went to the dog cafe, the sheep cafe, mcountdown, the lunar festival kick off, gwanghwamun palace, dongdaemun, shopped a ton around hongdae, ate food by the han river, visited namsan tower (but not without getting lost), hit the noraebang TWICE, walked into a private Fantagio board meeting, ate delicious chicken on a STIIICK, ran in the rain, ordered delivery mcdonalds, had the BEST fried chicken, met a bunch of monks, was led around dongdaemun by a very old korean man, SAW EUNWOO AND DOYEON AND RECEIVED MUCH LOVE AND NEARLY DIED, hit the convenience store literally every day, snuck out, GOT A WAVE FROM KEY :((( , bought Winter Dream and lots of skin care products and lots of cute clothes, had the clearest skin ive ever had in my life, went to a buddhist temple, witnessed a drunk man fall into the splits inbetween the ground and the subway, ran up and down 1000 subway stairs, fell in love with a man named Peanut, drank too much banana and strawberry milk, sobbed my face off at the festival as korean grandmas bowed to me, tried tons of new foods (including the nastiest bowl of cheese ramyun ive ever had in my life), bought lots of socks, rode an airplane for......like 40 hours in total? literally the best week of my Life

- had my junior vocal recital ! it was a cute girl. i felt my acting had really improved since sophomore voice recital !! 

- had prom on my 17th birthday and had a jolly good time !!! my mom made my dress and i felt like a Stunner

- dream pt. 01...she rly is that Bad Bih. best era. miss her loads. none of us ever deserved her. 

- les mis !!!!!! two whole weeks.....another Best Time. i learned so much, made so many lifetime friends, had a blast, sang my heart out.....such a freaking good time. i miss her

- got to spend the ENTIRE summer with momo!!!!!!!!!!! literally the ENTIRE!!!!! and what did we do? hit the park, watched lemonade mouth and fantastic beasts and starstruck and that random unicorn movie, made the Best slime, made that ICONIC weki meki video, laughed a ton, cried a ton, stayed up all night for the sunrise, stayed later for the sunset & thunderstorm, walked home in the pouring rain & lightning (IT IS VERY WET), went to the beach, met many dogs, got me hairs cut, befriended that Cat, and went to a painting class

- cabin week !!!!!!!!!!! whatta lovely time

- my brother’s wedding !!!! honestly? my best outfit of the year... had a bangin time. his wife is truly a cutie and i love her tons!

- there was that Mess in august and i still feel sorry to those who felt hurt because of it. i learned a lot about how things especially on the internet can be easily misunderstood and misinterpreted, so u gotta be EXTRA careful with your words ! 

- through that i also came to accept that u cant get everyone to understand or like u, and tbh that is okay for now. all we can do when we make mistakes is try to understand & learn, apologize, and try to better ourselves. and sometimes even when u do that, u still may not be liked. and thats okay. as long as you are trying your best and recognize mistakes, its all good. 

-skinny dipped at girls time wow what a freaking TIME

- woah dude i dropped out of my arts school lmao!!! the BIGGEST change in my life since 2014.;..wow! i dont even have the words to say how much stress was lifted off of me and i love senior yr !!!!

- momo came to CT!!!!!! 

- seeing svt live !!!!! but tbh the best part was seeing momo, “I LOVE A MAN WHO CAN SEW”, “I!!!!!!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIHOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, “IM UNDERAGE”, and when Mo BLASTED to that other line

- LAKE COMPOUNCE LMAOOOOO I LOVE JIHOON PT2!!!!

- my mom, sister, and i took an eight week painting class! i finished two paintings and learned a ton!! honestly a good time

- dream pt. 02.....shes that other Bad Bih....absolutely adore her

- i also learned that its okay to cut people off who are toxic. especially if you have already informed them that they make u feel bad, they are not worth trying to please or keep around. take care of yourself. similarly, its okay to block people, and you dont owe them an explanation

- MADI CAME HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my other half...missed her so much :(((

- riley’s calligraphy christmas !!!!! was so much fun and i loved people’s reactions and i loved learning arohas favorite astro lyrics !!!

- ah...............one of the hardest weeks of my whole life. the pain still lingers, and i know itll hit me again like a boulder the next time we see only four of my angels standing on stage. for four months, i was worried sick about another member, and i even knew he was hurting, that his mental illness was real. my heart aches and there is a piece of it missing, but it will never be replaced. i know you are much happier now, jjong. i love you. 

- and also because of that, i have been able to think a lot about how i live my life. thoughts like ‘am i watching out for my family and friends enough?’ ‘am i listening enough?’ ‘is this funny comment worth it?’ ‘am i happy?’ im trying to be better. to not take things for granted, to only be kind, to always be there for those i love, for those who love me. and i will try my hardest to not complain about small or petty inconveniences. to try harder to be optimistic. 

- christmas was with my whole family for the first time in five years ;;; she was such a cute girl!

and now on to the next act !!!! its called RILEY’S NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS !!!!!!!!!! 

1. lets start with the basic stuff that im 99% not gonna pull through on: keep ur room clean. keep everywhere u go clean, it makes mom upset. eat better, u know there is other foods in this house besides peanut butter and pepperoni and popcorn. 

2. send out at least one Lovely Ask per day. i made this goal sometime over the summer, and i did it for a few months until i started to forget ;; its not that hard, u just gotta remember to do it !! 

3. sis.....quit Procrastinating.......GET ur FREAKING application done...do ur homework the night before lmao! call who u need to !!! write those thank u cards!!!! go get them scholarships!!!! enter that graphic design contest lmao!!! just DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! time is wasting

4. just be happy 

[ireneherradura]

I delivered a speech on my SHS graduation...

Dr. Peter P. Laurel, President; Dr. Flora V. Javier, Executive Vice President/Vice President for Academic Affairs; Mr. Crisostomo M. Malabuyoc, Vice President for Operations and External Relations, Ms. Lerma Y. Calingasan, High School Principal; Dr. Dina Ocampo, our Guest Speaker; Ms. Geraldine A. Dimaculangan, Senior High School Coordinator; Ms. Cheryl E. Punio, Officer-in-charge for Junior High School, faculty members, parents, guests, and fellow graduates, good afternoon.

 Batchmates, we’re in the end game now. Oh, wait no – there is still college. Yeah, we really are in the end game now.

 I am supposed to deliver a speech of gratitude tonight. Before I start, I want to say that I am extremely honored to be here, standing on this stage and speaking before you. I did not expect this. This was not really on my bucket list. To see my face posted on LPU-Laguna’s official Facebook page, that is my bucket list right there. Nevertheless, I am truly grateful. Oh yes, grateful. I am getting sidetracked. Let’s go back to the speech that I am supposed to deliver.

 Today, we get to look back on our hardships-- those countless sleepless nights, coffee overdose-- just all the stuff we put on Twitter. We did it. That is why we are here. Good job! But I hope you know that we were not the only ones who were struggling during those times. We were never alone. And I want you to show those people your simple gratitude.

 I have spent the last couple of days inside the faculty room, editing beside my beauty-and-brain Argo Advisers, Miss J, Miss Megan, and Miss Marian. Miss Charmi would always see me there and start telling my Argo advisers to stop stressing me out, jokingly of course. But during my time there, I saw their hard work. I saw how much effort they put in organizing our graduation ceremony. I could not be stressed out. They are stressed out. But they did not give up, for us to be happy. I know I only saw the tip of the iceberg. I know Miss Len stayed at school until 11 P.M. just to finish her work. I know all the other teachers worked hard, too. So, if they gave you tasks you do not like, do not post hurtful comments on them on Twitter. Do not fold your report cards because I saw how they carefully cut each student’s name and glued them on the envelopes. And thank and hug them right after this ceremony. That is how you show your simple gratitude.

 Our parents may not be able to help us in our research, in our accounting worksheets, your calculus problems, memorization of laws, cooking, and bartending, but they love us. You could not be tired. Your parents have been working hard to finance your studying. They are tired. So, when you leave home in the morning, kiss them goodbye. They pay your tuition fees; do not waste it, go to school every day. And do not forget to include them on your Facebook and Instagram posts tonight. That is how you show your simple gratitude.

 Meeting new friends is one of the joys that come with the senior high school program. We love them, we laugh with them, and sometimes we fight with them. I was lucky enough to be adopted by a group of smart girls known as Spookies. We were not always given the opportunity to be in the same group with them or attend their debuts. At the end of the day, our friends are there to listen to our unending rants. So, boost them, remember the little things they tell you, and stay in touch with them forever. That is how you show your simple gratitude.

 To my classmates from 11-Imbabura to 12-Initiative who rooted for me from the start to be the batch’s valedictorian, to every Ate Luz and Erp who maintain the cleanliness and safety of our school, and to my fellow Filipinos who voted wisely during the last election, thank you so much.

 To Miss Mey who never stopped believing in me, to Miss Charmi who made me cry when she said that I am one of the best students she ever had, to my mom, dad, and brother who supported me all the way out, to Az and Angely, by the way, this is a clear declaration that you are my LPU best friends, thank you so much. I will stay humble and be the best version of myself. That is how I show my deepest gratitude.

 This is the fight of our lives. And we are not letting them down. Whatever it takes. Congratulations to us, Batch 2018-2019! Veritas et Fortitudo, Pro Deo et Patria. This is our end game. This is a game of gratitude.

[teefa85]

So...I figure I’m going to just put my thoughts down on how I rate the different battles with Hugo across all versions of the Tales of Destiny Story.  This rates both versions of the game, the Drama CDs (despite the fact that I can’t translate it...I can hear how the characters emote and I do know A LITTLE Japanese), and both mangas related to the Original game (as the only Remake manga is the DC one...and since that’s Leon’s Side that doesn’t have this particular fight to compare).

Under a cut since...I talk a lot...

5.  The Manga I just read.  Yes I know, it’s the most epic version of the fight: both sides have DBZ levels of stamina and recovery (maybe she was watching that as well as Slayers when she made it), they come up with awesome plans for fighting, the team is well in sync to help one another, and Marian actually jumps in to help fight at one point!  But that’s just it...the epicness is basically the big thing it has going for it. I really rate this fight A LOT on the emotional impact it has on me as a reader/player, and Rutee as a character.  When she enters the fight, there doesn’t seem to be much direct talk or mention of the connection (I don’t see the kanji for Father or Daughter anywhere), and his words after the battle are short as well.  Hell...I think the most emotional of them might have been thoughts rather than words, and even if they were said she was paying more attention to her injured comrades at the time and didn’t hear. Besides...Miktran doesn’t revive and Rutee doesn’t get to vent her anger out at him in the end!  Him possessing Marian just isn’t the same.

4.  The Remake.  It has a similar problem of exchanging emotionalness for epicness, but there’s still more emotion to it than the version I just read.  Sure, there is no direct familial mentioning before the fight, however Rutee doesn’t have an almost 1 on 1 talk/rant for it to be absent from.  And Hugo does at least give her some more direct words of affection in the end.  Still...the fact that it’s Miktran who explains more of what was going on than Hugo himself does knock some points off (I have the same problem about the pre-fight with Leon...liking it but preferring how the Original handled it, but that’s another conversation). It does get points for Hugo being weak to Water/vulnerable to Sleep, since it’s like he’s fighting back for Rutee or she’s just that pissed at him!

3.  The Original.  Miktran!Hugo tries to lure Rutee to his side...twice!  Well, one and a half, but still.  It’s creepy when you think that while this is her father physically talking to her, the person actually commanding those words is someone who has harmed him for years. Unlike the previous two, there is something resembling a conversation at the end of the fight.  Besides...Rutee running to grant Hugo’s last request just feels like it gives her more closure than those versions.  Not to mention her trying to pull out a healing spell when the reality of the situation finally catches up to her.

2.  Drama CDs.  Now...this and the Original might switch places if someone with better verbal knowledge of Japanese than me (I can only plug shit into translation software and having Kanji helps narrow it down) takes a swing and I hear what is really going on.  But what I can figure out from context and my limited verbal knowledge suggests it’s the better of the two.  So I’m going with that for now. First off, Rutee rushing in to save Marian and upon getting Hugo’s family revelation mention (regardless of whether or not it’s a “join me and let us rule as father and daughter”), she totally blows him away with a “yeah...Leon already told me that” and it is very amusing to think of King Douchebag groaning at this and Hugo’s trapped consciousness laughing.  Second, the fight includes pretty much the whole party.  Third...Flying Dragon!  His nameless recolor of the move is given the same name as Leon’s version to make that familial connection! Now the after conversation has shades of the Original in how it’s set up, but there are two big things that help to push it over.  One...Hugo brings up “Emilio” and “Chris” at one point which he doesn’t in the original.  Even though he’s concentrating on the one person still alive to apologize/confess to, he does make the time to mention the rest of their family.  And while his gasping final words might be wrong in my mind, I do think I hear “Aishiteiru” and “Musume.”  Ohgod...

1.  The other Manga.  Everything about this just COMBINED the epicness of Numbers 5 and 4, with the emotional impact of 3 and 2!  Of course it would end up on top! You’ve got Rutee appearing early and starting a stall-worthy conversation (while he doesn’t mention the relation exactly, the fact that Marian said he let her escape and he was planning to kill her mere moments before suggests Hugo is having a moment of clarity at the start).  Not to mention him asking Rutee if she’s happy, and the rehash of that CLEARLY shows a loving gaze like a father should have! The fight itself is basically won because of Rutee and her pendant, her photo of herself and her mother.  It gives Hugo some clarity and when Miktran has the brilliant idea of killing the one causing his vessel to resist...it only makes Hugo resist more.  HE FREAKING HELPS HER TO KILL HIMSELF RATHER THAN LET MIKTRAN HURT RUTEE FURTHER!!  That earns it a lot of points! The conversation in the next chapter is not only emotional, but it gives the biggest details on Hugo’s past that any version has given.  Plus, like the Drama CDs, he mentions his wife and son.  Including one of his regrets not having ever given Leon a hug...something the kid clearly needed!  Rutee also is shown reflecting before Miktran revives, which no other version really gives her the chance to do either!

So there you have it.  My ratings of all the fights with Hugo.

[petty-crush]

“Who Killed Teddy Bear”

-an incredible, masterpiece of sleaze, perfectly capturing the mid 60’s disillusionment with life and society +if this isn’t a film loved by John Waters, I would be shocked

-title song of course sang in the beginning, but over a naked back in the midst of intimacy

-a scream as two film holes; one on a body on the stairs, another on a teddy bear

-several minutes of lush, dreamlike like photography on a male torso as he calls (phone and face offscreen) someone and makes lurid statements

-the lady at the other end listens at first, bit soon has enough “look, I don’t have time for this. Now sober up!”

-the lady is the heroine, Norah, who plays records at nightclubs, occasionally fighting off old drunks at the bar

-Norah is played by Juliet Prowse, who has a open, expressive face and eyes; she is a good visual choice for sympathy in the sordid work she travels through

-the black and white photography is incredible

-there are several extended scenes of dancers in club doing their thing, as the vibe grows more and more trippy

- the drunk is thrown out, and comes back onto camera glistening pocket knife first

-while filling out a statement about the aftermath at the police station, Norah runs into detective Dave Maddin,

-I really like the dialogue in this film. It is terse, smart-ass, and playful

-like the following, where Norah’s boss, tells the send officer to quit bugging her “Manners from a cop I don’t expect, but you abuse the privilege!”

- Maddin keeps an interest in Norah, perhaps unnervingly so, and offers to drive her home.

-she tells him no, but then is seen in his car in a funny jump cut

-a second, longer call lurid call to Norah; but this time the creep says her name, startling her

-Norah spends more time with Madden; who is a fascinating character; he seems largely obsessed with the habits of (his words) “sex perverts”, including checking out tons and tons of black market books, and listening to recordings of women asked by police to describe in detail their illicit phone calls

-there is a startling moment where Maddin sends his ten year old daughter to bed, he listens to more female testimony, then the camera reveals his daughter can hear every word in her room, with wide eyes +knucklehead can’t afford headphones?

-several times in fact Norah not unreasonably suspects Maddin of being the phone creep, given his obsessions and “what I would do if” statements

-Norah confides in manager, Marian, while keeping in contact with Maddin

-wonderful walk though of Norah’s life as she goes to get s hamburger, goes for a stroll, check out records; it’s a great little capsule of 60’s New York

-she refuses a offer to stay somewhere else and comes into her apartment to find a mangled teddy bear

-one of the cops checking the door is Bruce Glover (father of actor Crispin Glover) and this is the closest I’m seen him look like his son, cleft chin and all

-here it is revealed (to the audience) that the stalker is Lawrence, who is a co worker of Norah’s at the club

-Lawrence is played by Sal Mineo, who commits to this character with horrifying details, such as his fetishization of his own body, and particularly that of women

-it is revealed that the teddy bear (both of the apartment and the title shot) belongs to his younger sister, Edie

-information is further peeled out to reveal that Lawrence, taking care of his sister when they were both young, was having sex and Edie walked in on them, then ran away and fell down the stairs, damaging/stunting her brain. Lawrence wanted to go help her, but was lured back to bed. +This has attached a sense of shame/horror to sex that leaves him unable to have healthy relationships

-now some other people and the theatre thought that the woman Lawrence was having sex with when Edie walked in was their mom, but I thought it was inferred that both parents died young, hence someone else. It’s rather unclear

-Norah is getting increasingly worried, and wonders what she must do

-she blows up at Maddin after another one of his abrasive comments, asking why she shouldn’t suspect him, and he coldly reveals that his obsession stemmed from his wife being killed and raped (possibly not in that order) and that he can’t forgive himself or (as he sees it) ever let himself be that naive again, hence traveling up to his neck in all that filth

-we witness Lawrence growing alarmed at seeing his sister Edie wear make up and high heels; his guilt over wrecking her brain and its connection to sex leads him to self loathe himself with increasing fury. +he screams at her to not be like that but we see in his quiet moment he is mad for who he is

-Maddin warns Norah it might be someone she knows

-Norah hangs out with Marian who reveals more personal comments such as almost never wearing a bra (“ten minutes once when I was 28”) and how she loves fur (“ I have a weakness for soft things”), and dropping the term “baby” towards her

-Norah firmly but repeatedly tells Marian to leave after she feels she is being pushed towards a unwanted lesbian hook up; the manager leaves and is then strangled to death by Lawrence

-now here is an interesting aside; Marian ranted to Norah before she left “I think there is s bit of that creep in all men! That’s why the police ‘can’t find him’! They sympathize with him!” Now, is that true, or is the push towards seduction by a woman integralizing self hatred for a time when her partner preference was considered a mental illness? Both? +few people in this film have no hang ups about sex

-the murder of Marian is in shadows, with silhouette of bodies wrangling. Very Hitchcock like, and very effective

-Norah feels responsible for Marian’s death, and goes with Maddin and his daughter to the zoo

-are gerbils really considered zoo material?

-Norah bumps into Lawrence and Edie, and Maddin’s daughter gives Edie her ball, Maddin and Norah eye Edie with incredulity

-Lawrence goes to peep shows and magazine stands; once again an incredible snapshot of certain era of New York

-Lawrence is still raging, and we see him work out

-wonderful little internal made external shot as we see a weight pin thrust out and in then Lawrence sweating under the strain

-Lawrence goes swimming and sees Norah; she compliments his body and grows attracted to him; he has increasingly fragmented visions and Is unable to follow or listen to her

-after a slow night, Norah decides to teach Lawrence how to dance. The touch of her body sends his visions into overdrive

-while in his study, Maddin’s daughter tells him she sees him via a mirror. Maddin slaps his head and leaves the house

-still more fragmented visions from Lawrence

-Maddin finds Lawrence’s apartment, then Edie in the closest, and tries to get her to say where her bother is

-Lawrence snaps and attacks Norah

-beautiful visual of the mirror reflections of Norah as she moves away from him

-in one of more disturbing scenes I have ever seen, Lawrence pins Norah on the ground and finishes the rape

-there was no cutaway, no stopping by the police, nothing. Although both are fully clothed, it cannot be inferred anything other then a violent attack that robs the victim of their autonomy

-Lawrence goes to lean up against the wall, Norah stares cationic. Both are still in the frame with each other, both are speechless

-still in the same shot, Maddin bursts in, sees Lawrence against the wall, and slaps the shit out of him

-Maddin stops, then his face and shoulder falls. He has failed

-all are in the same shot, silence except for Norah whispering “where are my shoes”

-Lawrence stumbles out, Maddin too self hating to do anything +all the info, all the lack of naïveté didn’t stop the same thing from happening to another innocent

-Lawrence runs down the street, the visions in his head snapping (he sees Norah as a angel in the park) as he runs off screen, shots are fired

-this was one of the more gut wrenching films I have seen. I’m still in shock that the film had the male hero fail, show up too late, and had the rape finish

-it is a harrowing and incredible psychological exploitation film. Very well made, very unflinching, incredibly well acted, and one that will be in your head for a while to come

[iris-sistibly]

4R’s: Encantadia Season 2 (May 4, 2017 episode review)

Episode 207

Recap:

Haliyah’s Heartbreak

Emre and Cassiopeia went back to Haliyah’s lair and gave back the de-jar. Memories of the past came rushing back to Haliyah’s mind, and how the de-jar reminded her so much of her failed relationship. Haliyah fell in-love with an encantado, a fine Sapirian, she was very in-love with him that she let her weapon be placed under his care so that he’ll be able to go up in the moon to see her. Because Haliyah loved him too much, she gave him everything she has including her riches, one day, the man did not show up, puzzled and worried, Haliyah came down to Encantadia and saw a palace. A young couple with their infant daughter live in that palace, turned out, the husband was Haliyah’s lover (and the founder of Sapiro). The goddess was so heartbroken upon finding out that he was just using her all along and was infuriated that he chose the diwata over her, because of her anger, Haliyah cursed their daughter—that whoever stares at her beauty will turn into stone. Cassiopeia was surprised to hear this and knew that the child was Lila Sari, her adoptive daughter. Haliyah now realized what she did and regretted it. Nevertheless it was about time to return to Devas and find the cure to Ether’s poison. The evil goddess showed up and tried to stop them, through Haliyah’s help, Emre and Cassiopeia were able to get away which angered Ether, she vowed that in the end, she and Arde will succeed and will become the most powerful gods in Encantadia.

Sacrifice for love

The battle continued in Lireo, Mashna Muros, Aquil and Hitano teamed up and fought an Etherian army led by Juvila. The men were uncomfortable at fighting the female Mashna but Aquil reminded his comrades that she is an enemy and a strong and fierce warrior. The men joined forces and succeeded at taking down Juvila, the Mashna escaped, the battle continued but Aquil got hurt in the process. Despite of Aquil being demoted and downgraded, he earned Hitano’s respect and still sees him as Mashna which Aquil appreciated. However, he made Hitano promise that if anything happens to him, Hitano must relay his message for Danaya, that despite of everything, he still loves her very much.

The new guardians fought alongside Mashna Mayca and Rama Ybrahim, Pao Pao noticed that the two moons were turning red which is a bad omen in Encantadia. It sure was, for Asval showed up and was about to slash Ybrahim, but Ariana pushed him aside and ended up being wounded instead. Ybrahim fought Asval but the latter escaped, Ariana begged her friends not to tell Azulan about this for he will surely not allow her to fight anymore. Rama Ybrahim ordered to call for a babaylan. He asked her why Ariana did that, the latter knew Amihan wanted him safe, she confessed that eversince she was brought back from dead, she seems to be very different and has been seeing Amihan (and Ybrahim’s) past, Ariana strongly believes that she’s no longer herself, and that Amihan’s spirit is inside her body.

Hara Mine-a

The throne room was filled with vidaljes including Hagorn and Andora, the sang’gres showed up not long after, Andora was about to use her power but Danaya used her gem and literally shoved sand on her mouth, the battle was on. The sisters successfully took down Hagorn and Andora, a soldier approached Alena and told her where her mother was, Alena, Pirena and Danaya hurriedly went looking for Mine-a, the sisters found her at the armory with the wounded Imaw who apparently attempted to win Mine-a back to their side by telling her the truth, he ended up getting hurt in the hands of Mine-a herself. The sisters once again tried to persuade Mine-a, Hagorn came and tried to twist Mine-a’s mind and ordered her to kill them. Mine-a asked Hagorn why she must do the task when Hagorn has the gems and could easily eliminate the sang’gres, Hagorn did not give her an answer which opened Mine-a’s eyes and realized that she was indeed being used by Hagorn and the sang’gres were telling the truth—that she is their mother. Hagorn threatened to kill her but Mine-a chose to “kill” herself and at the same time cursed all of Lireo’s enemy.

Rave/s:

💛 Cheers to Danaya for making Andora eat some shit hahahahaha! Okay maybe not shit, but still, the way Andora choked that sand cracked me up. You da queen Dany! Also, shoutout to our Lireo hotties—Muros, Aquil and Hitano for that tag team against the queen of WWE Juvila, I thought that was hilarious but still worth the watch.

💎Aw…man! I wanted Marian to stay longer in the show, although I do believe it’s not the end of her story since she’s prolly gonna go back in Devas and gather back-ups and will return with team Devas by the the end of the show. There’s no questioning about Marian’s acting prowess, she commanded the entire show with such grace and powerful performance. Alsooo I’m still crossing my fingers that Aquil wouldn’t have the same fate as his original counterpart since it will suck big time. I think he has sacrificed so much and the dude deserves to be happy just like everybody else.

😭Have you guys seen the teaser for the next ep?! Oh my god the super twins are sooo going to be back, although I think it’s only going to be temporary since the baddies are definitely going to use them against the sang’gres. I have a theory that Lira and Mira will be used the way team Hagorn used Mine-a but will choose to be heroic in the end, and then they will return to Devas, Cassy will make Cassandra and then roll the credits. Whatever their mission is I still don’t think that it’s still necessary to kill their characters, it’s annoying how they kill one character and then bring her or him back to life again, like can’t they be on the verge of death and then their souls be like fight their destinies the way the original Amihan fought hers? That narrative is too repetitive and has been overused since book one. It seems like every major character is required to die first and then be brought back to life. Oh yes, it’s about time Mira meets her father. The cutie Lirean soldier and Alira Naswen are going to be back as well.

Rant/s: 🙄 I guess the biggest idiots for this week are Cassy and Emre, what the hell was the whole purpose of finding Haliyah’s weapon when they even failed to enter Devas and eliminate the baddies? Like they would have looked for the antidote first, then use Haliyah’s weapon and then return it to her, or Haliyah could at least accompany the two back in Devas so that there will be someone to defend them! God! Why are these gods so stupid?! It’s frustrating how everything seems too complicated when really the situation is not as complex as what they think. So the de-jar was retrieved and was returned to Haliyah, now what?! Wala nanamang silbi ganern? Haliyah ended up telling her failed relationship with a gold-digging bastard who turned out to be Lila Sari’s father (and the founder of Sapiro). I feel like two weeks is not enough to answer the many questions including the new ones that was brought up by this episode, it seems like monarchy in Sapiro has a long and complicated history. If Lila Sari’s parents died, then most probably a relative from Lila Sari’s father’s side prolly took over Sapiro who sired Meno, Armeo the first, and Asval (character reference: Etheria 2006) so most probably Lila Sari is like Ybrahim’s great, great grandma or something like that which makes Lira and Deshna some sort of distant relative, wow, this Lireo-Sapiro-Hathoria’s family tree is crazy.

🙄Pero hindi namatay ‘yung sarkosi punyeta! I really thought Ariana was going to die in this episode, ugh sayang! Sorry to say Ariana but you were never Amihan, she just made you take a glimpse of her past to tell Ybrahim that she has returned through you, but you are NEVER AND WILL NEVER BE AMIHAN! And Arra girl come on, ACT! Ruru is doing everything he can why can’t you do the same?! Kahit sa last two weeks man lang show us what you got, stop pulling off that bland, boring, pabebe face, I want to see an actress not a pretty face! Everyone’s bringing their A-games anyare sa’yo? Also I still don’t get what the hell are they trying to imply, Ariana was willing to sacrifice her own life for Ybrahim which is very Amihan-like (character-wise), but how come she didn’t feel the urge to save Lira given the fact that Amihan is willing to give up the entire Encantadia to save her daughter? Look, I don’t want to call Ariana this but I now do agree that she’s malandi (flirt)—“that’s what Amihan wants” my ass! Amihan also wants her daughter alive yet the bitch just watched her die, and I will forever be infuriated with that.

Best performer/s for this episode: Marian Rivera 👸🏻

Rating: 8 out of 10💎s  

Credits to: GMA network via YouTube and Dailymotion @GMAEncantadia (Encantadia’s Official Twitter account) @GMANetwork (GMA’s Official Twitter account) @GMADrama (GMA Primetime series’ Official Twitter account) Encantadia 2016 (Official Facebook page) www.encantadia.com.ph (Encantadia’s Official Website)

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

ACCA 2 | Nanbaka 16 | SGRS 16 | Marginal #4 2 | Classicaloid 15 | Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga 2 - 3 | D Gray Man Hallow 1 | ReLIFE 2 - 6

The idea for D Gray Man Hallow from now on: Once all 2016 shows are done (rewatches or not), expect the 2016 ranking.

(ACCA 2)

What in Dante’s Inferno? I’m properly listening to the OP as it was intended in the anime…and it doesn’t quite look like what I expected.

I don’t like tomatoes, so no bread for me.

This is a cute…albeit unconventional way to introduce the series’ core concepts. Also, acorn berets.

Kabocha = pumpkin, while murasaki = purple. That’s made from purple lettuce, so I don’t blame ‘em for calling it that.

Mushroomhead = Rail.

I thought ACCA paid really high if he got cigarettes for free.

Oh no, is Nino going to go against Jean?

Bihinshitsu = equipment room.

2m 22 cm is over 6 foot…wow.

Walnut-topped cake filled with nuts.

The systems managers seem really incompetent…I suspect something’s up.

The guys all deilberately seem to have the same face.

A-hah. As I thought. (Dang you, title spoiler.)

If this ED were to evolve, it would be even better than Yuri on Ice’s OP. (That’s saying something.) Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be happening…

Doesn’t seem like there’ll be any title spoilers next time either.

(Nanbaka 16)

I’m less likely to skip Rin! Rin! Hi! Hi! than some of the other Ops when I’m watching. That does make it slightly unwieldy as a rewatching show, though.

“Wow, he’s trash.” – Dat me.

Samon has a brother?

In a world full of filial piety, the worst one can do is to insult someone else’s family.

I’m not very good with “kept secret” stories, which is why I’m trying to do “Next to Me” well enough…at least to my standards, anyway. My standards are very high, you know.

They must’ve done something to the snacks…

(Showa Genroku: Sukeroku Futatabi-hen 3)

The fireworks are so lifelike in this ep!

Daiku Shirabe…I found out about the story from an ANN article, so I should’ve seen its appearance coming…“Tamaya” is something you yell during fireworks displays. Apparently it was the name of a fireworks company somewhere along the line.

The flattening refers to how Yota had to bow for forgiveness, but I think I kinda explained that already.

“Shinuchissei”…Yota seems to slur the end of his sentences.

I actually went “WHAT?!” at Yota not being fazed by the big daddy boss.

Note for later: The baby (I heard his name was Shinnosuke) was born November 23rd.

The jazz soundtrack really sells this show.

...so this is the rant from Daiku Shirabe. It’s fast (compared to even the usual), but it has lots of heart. Plus the showcasing of the tattoo really did its significance justice.

I think the bridge is called Matsubashi (Pine Bridge).

Yota could’ve fabricated the shaking of his hands.…wow. Yota has such yaoi hands. Just what you’d expect from a former BL artist.

I thought Yakumo was more of a cat person. Whose dog is Hanako?

Aw. I felt sorry for Matsuda, even if I have a suspicion he feigned those tears. Well, regardless, now I know Matsuda has grandkids anyway…so win win.

I knew he was either summoning the master Sukeroku II pissed off or Sukeroku himself.

“Tou-chan” was an unexpected nickname I didn’t think Konatsu would use.

Update: I thought about it, and even Shinnosuke’s name takes after the legacy. Remember? Sukeroku used to be called Shin! 

(Marginal #4 2)

One of the things that makes this show stand out is the space-styled episode titles.

Ooh. Pretty cherry blossoms.

Pan shots. Of course.

I know this isn’t the sort of show that gets too much coverage, and I even think it looks a bit ugly at times (not to mention a bit weird) but when you’re not caught up on most of the other big idol shows, this is the best you can do.

I think game boy (orange twin…er, aka R)’s trying too hard with his terms.

Now that Atom is talking about heart, it really does look like he’s a Toshiki Masuda character through and through, although he doesn’t look very angry when he sounds angry. I’ll chalk that up to the art department.

“Don’t think, feel” seems to be attributed to lots of places, so I don’t know the original source. However, since game boy (um, aka R) cites a movie star, it’s apparently Bruce Lee (if my Google-fu serves me right).

L makes stuff sound deeeeep.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! Rui wasn’t surprised by the juice.

Atom is such a Ryuu sometimes...

…okay, enough with the underwear jokes…The twin jokes are a bit weird. Plus the ships can be smelt from a mile away…but that’s not enough to save a show.

“Ore-sama”? I only just realised Atom uses such a term.

Enough about the lucky underwear! *flips table*

Oh, I saw Ayanokouji in the background at one point.

I’m with Rui most times, including the need for deduction.

I’m still questioning the sanity of someone who wrote an entire episode plot about lucky underwear.

Alright, since I feel brain dead after that, I’m going to drop it, meaning ACCA is the show that forges ahead. Well, I’m lucky I was hoping to watch FLCL to fill in the gap once I’m done with my 3 remaining rewatches at this point in time (ReLIFE, D Gray Man, Morose Mononokean). The latter two will have, from ep 7, fresh impressions, so hopefully you can look forward to them.  

(Classicaloid 15)

Selfies: a worldwide phenomenon…I never got into that stuff, but if I were to analyse ‘em, I’d say they tap into the human need to be self centred.

There’s something sad about seeing someone rejected, eve if that someone is a piece of trash like Sousuke…

The game the Classicaloids are playing appears to be a game of Life.

Unfortunately, Kanae’s right…again. Sad life for you, Sousuke.

Motz literally became a flippin’ Akoya, right down to wearing a dress. Plus, the Amazon brigade came back.

Aw, I really felt for the glasses guy, even if briefly.

“Basics of Programming”? Don’t need that for Garage Band, Sousuke.

Hanted house and cosplay café...

…eh? Tchaiko still calls herself a former member of Cla:Kla?

Oh. I never realised until now, but Hamamatsu + festival (matsuri) = Hamamatsuri.

With that song (Sousuke’s song), it’s a sad blooper reel.

(Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga ep 2)

I got a wallpaper of Shima trying not to laugh (it was from the official Blue Exorcist anime page, but only for a period around Shima’s b’day). So this ep is where it comes from.

“Bon” means “young master” anyway, so it doesn’t matter.

“…a herbal tea antidote…”

Kyoto is meant to be the imperial capital…at least around the 1700s, it was the imperial capital.

Mamushi means “pit viper”. She’s not one to mess with.

He’s got some reflexes, that Ryuji.

Uwabami is also a type of snake…I forgot which one though.

Wait, Uwabami’s the man?! Uwabami was a woman in Oumagadoki Zoo…

Seriously, are they all getting drunk on juice…? Oh, okay. So that’s what happened.

(ep 3)

Rin’s shirt says “Sankyu” in goroawase and English, LOL.

Even if you love weeds, please don’t smoke ‘em, kids.

I thought Rin was going to pull a Shaft head tilt out of nowhere when he looked back at Konekomaru.

Update: For efficiency, the tag for this one is “Chesarka watches AoEx”. However, I don’t normally refer to it as such. I’d probably refer to it as “Ao Eku” if I wee speaking (due to the season 1 DVD extras), but “Blue Exorcist” is the shortest mode of the name I’d use in typing format.

(D Gray Man Hallow ep 1)

I am familiar with this source material, so do be aware of that. However, I didn’t finish the anime the first time around, so do be aware of that too.

Sometimes the art style for this anime can be a little off. The noses can be a little too pointy and too close to the eyes, so on and so forth.Allen doesn’t even look like he’s blushing with this art style too…that’s a bit of a disappointment.

Even the golems have it in for each other…LOL.

Johnny has apparently been stealing the spotlight for quite some time, but I haven’t noticed it all that much. Probably because I read volumes 21 – 24 in one go…

I think.Cross Marian looks more like Grelle (Black Butler) than ever in colour.

Why does Lenalee have such a short skirt?

When even the masked guy has a sweatdrop, you know there’s trouble.

(ReLIFE ep 2)

Unfortunately for Kariu, I understand there is no “next time”…

I’ve found out even at 18, people don’t judge two people of different gender sitting together eating lunch…of course, cultural standards notwithstanding.

Stud earrings are fine if you play sports, I think.

According to Google-sensei, it’s only about $11, my country’s money. It’s not that much if you work…but knowing Japanese standards (which say you should focus on getting into uni before getting a job), it does seem a bit much for someone who doesn’t work and doesn’t get any allowance. So in a weird way, it does make sense to me.

...but you took Kariu’s hand when she offered you the rubber, Arata?

Hey, that joke was in Erased too.

Kazu-kun = Karamatsu…kinda. LOL.

I always seemed to understand Hishiron, and yet also understand Arata to some extent too. Maybe I’m the perfect in-between for these two. Probably because I tend to break off friendships as soon as the year ends, and yet prior friendships are a core part to my social strategy.

Unfortuately, the downside to “minimalistic” is that it’s obvious when it goes off model.

LINE sticker…LOL. LINE’s very popular in Japan.

(ep 3)

I’ve wondered whether Yayoi Sou is a lady or not. Considering the circumstances, it probably is that Sensei is a female.

Hideyo is the dude on the 1000 note, obviously.

Ah…fitness tests. The bane of youth. No one says “stupid loud” though.

Oh. Tamarai’s there around the time of Asaji’s throw.

Lookit that rabbit on Usa-sensei’s shirt. No one says “crazy athletic” either…you outdated subbers.

Akira (Inukai) is kinda like Yurio, come to think of it, eh?

Didn’t you just say it yourself (about you being old) though, Arata?

Yoake literally had a blank face there, LOL.

There appears to be a Sato GP on the way to Aoba. Huh.

Ah…a show’s a real classic if it makes you laugh every time…

(ep 4)

Where’s the guy who does sad interpretations of OPs and EDs? (This guy.)

I know your feels, Kariu. (see the Tumblr debacle for an instance of this)

There appears to be something about whales near the fishtank.

The cityscapes in this are so nice.

There’s a map of Japan on one wall of Kaizaki’s place.

Go forth, young Kariu! Pick up your fallen balls! (teehee)

CGI balls, LOL.

It’s creepy (but also dramatic) when the lights of the eyes are the last to move.

(ep 5)

Sumire! Her name means “violet” (the flower).

There are some nuances lost in translation, like yappari and the levels of formality…but those are typically lost.

This “lecture” is probably the highest point you can get in the show (so far). It’s times like this you can really see an author’s strengths in storytelling.

The piano really sells the Hishiro/Kaizaki meeting.

What a strange angle that “lean to the left” shot is.

I’ve found out swear words have a lot of leeway when it comes to levels of “oh no”. These swar words include yabai and temee. Due to the context of Wan! and the fact it was Chuuya who kept using them, I went with the nastier variants [in my scanlating days] but sometimes a non-swearing variant is enough. However, kirai (to dislike) is pretty nasty if you use it in Japanese.

Kaizaki’s delivery of these lines really sells their comedic effect. The electronic keyboard makes it sound like night, but also makes it sound 1) like night and 2) creepy, for some reason.

Freeter is almost as bad as NEET, Kaizaki.

There appears to be a 100 man (10 thousand) coin bank behind Yoake, which makes that...1000000 yen. (chorus in back: One million yen?!)

(ep 6)

Apparently someone tried to type the same Japanese words into Google and didn’t get the same results, LOL.

Hishiron uses a Mac, LOL.

“Thanks for having us” probably isn’t the right words for it. Ojamashimasu means “sorry for intruding”, but it sounds heavily formal when translated, so I can see why the subbers did what they did though.

*laughs* MDs (minidiscs)? I know what they are, even though they’re meant to be completely dead by now. Apparently they’re a product of the 90s that never caught on..although I admit I’ve never used an MD in my life, let alone held one. It does kinda look like a floppy disc, though. (chorus in back: You poke through old stuff too much, don’t you?)

Those fadeout cups are so cool! I want one.

Ah, maths. The sad thing about my life is that up until a certain point I was good at maths. Then the hard stuff came up and I started to fail.

I thought it was Third Street Oga was talking about, but it’s 3rd chome, sort of like a suburb.

Knowing An, she may have deliberately put Oga out of the way for her own purposes…if you know what I mean.

CGI car just ruined the suspenseful mood, dangit.

Sometimes I just turn off my volume and turn on some music on Spotify. That way, you can make your own soundtrack.

Why did Arata have such a dumb face in the thought bubble?

Wow, she’s a real fujoshi, that one [An].

“Dude”? I cringe so much at her use of it, despite the fact I use it myself. 

You liar, Onoya. Knowing who subject 1 was means that I know they couldn’t have even thought about that part…

[wendyimmiller]

A Peony Kind of Love…and Missing Winterthur

Guest Rant by Debra Moffitt In this burdened, budding springtime, we are all looking for something to do. I suggest falling in love — rollicking, floating on a marshmallow cloud, I’m-not-even-hungry love.

To be honest, my paramour and I have been carrying on since 2016 and this year we are as star-crossed as any two have ever been. Confession: I’m married. But the real problem is my heart’s desire lives behind the gates of an Eden-like public garden called Winterthur. The place draws a crowd, so the pandemic forced it shut for all of April and May. No visitors allowed.

Among the lush woodlands and rolling meadows of Delaware’s Winterthur, something is always in bloom. In May, it was my Paeonia and I was sick with longing. I imagined barreling through the single orange cone ahead of the guard shack. Or maybe I’d drop in, like a botanical paratrooper, surgically landing between the upper and lower jardins des pivoines. Could I pilot a drone over the walls of this former du Pont estate for just a glimpse?

Reader, my love is a peony.

Oh, I wish at least I knew its name! But I’ve come to find that identifying a singular peony is like trying to track down Cinderella after she fled the ball single-shoed. The registry maintained by the American Peony Society lists a cast of thousands – from “A La Mode” to “Zori” and many doozies in between: Dawn Glow Nosegay Elsa Sass Laddie Bartzella Souvenir de Maxime Cornu Thura Hires Shishigashira Many Happy Returns Mrs. Livingston Farrand Myrtle Gentry Mr. Ed

I could love any one of these monikers were it attached to the achingly pale pink peony of my heart’s desire. I’ve scanned dozens of photos and, to my eye, it’s close to a Shirley Temple, a bit like Angel’s Cheeks, in the neighborhood of Sarah Bernhardt, but with more of a snowball confection at its center. Ensconced among hundreds of other peonies at Winterthur, this flower shimmered and vibrated before me like Daisy to Gatsby on a steamy Louisville afternoon. As Fitzgerald wrote, “She blossomed for him like a flower.” Sigh. Same.

In early May, with no indication when Winterthur would re-open, I suppose I could have tilted my petal-wilting passion toward my husband. But wow, no thank you. We’ve been penned up together since March and his name is merely Dave.

Time was running out for me and my mystery flower. Peonies bloom gloriously, glamorously and oh-so briefly. Within days, these ruffled beauties, these hundred-petal bombs, wilt and flop over like debutantes after a boozy party. They swiftly mature into leathery seed pods and the year-long wait begins again.

Before you suggest I grow my own peony, do you know that peonies must be planted in the fall and are often without blooms for the first two or three years? Hence the peony grower’s adage “We sleep the first year, we creep the second and we leap the third.”

I can’t wait three years and, anyway, the flower I long for is no garden center special from Lowe’s. The Winterthur peonies — many planted in the 1950s and 1960s — carry a pedigree. This echelon of peonies announce their weddings in the New York Times. They bloom on the grounds of this Delaware chateau because they were chosen by Henry Francis du Pont, born in 1888 and heir to the industrialist family.

Mr. du Pont eventually turned over Winterthur’s immense, naturalistic garden — and his 175-room home — as a public space and museum. Connoisseurs of gardens flock there to ride open-air trams that survey its vistas. If you need more convincing, I crossed paths with Diane Keaton there last April and the U.S. Postal Service just emblazoned Winterthur on a garden series of Forever stamps. I have the stamps — would that I could send a letter to my cherished peony! I would scent it with perfume and close with a line from a Mary Oliver poem: “This morning the green fists of the peonies are getting ready to break my heart.”

Like a lightning-bolt love affair, the visible life cycle of a peony is astonishingly brief. Winterthur cuts back its peonies so that when I visited on March 13, the gardens were mostly just a flat expanse of soil with a few tiny shoots breaking through at ground level. A close inspection of the spot where my treasured peony blooms revealed only a hollow, woody reed barely poking up through the mulch.

A lot happens in a few weeks. With velocity, peonies go straight vertical in the early spring. Then, atop the stem, two leaves extend themselves as open-armed as a ballerina in second position. Those graceful arms, that sturdy stem, will soon hold aloft an improbably large peony bud, like Atlas shouldering the heavens. The buds emerge closed tight and often the color of cherry cola, sticky with nectar, pure ambrosia for ants. Peony buds then metamorphize into a firm packet of petals known as the “marshmallow” stage. It’s all I can do not to pop one into my mouth.

That is slightly less crazy than it sounds because peonies are used in salads and jams. But please don’t eat the peonies! That would rob you of what happens next. Finally released from its leafy cocoon, the marshmallow bud yawns open and the peony spirals wide into full flower. Nothing to see here but the annual miracle. Swoon. Two million #peonies photos on Instagram prove I’m not alone.

By mid-May I knew I was running out of options. My peony would soon bloom without me. Delaware’s quarantine rules were relaxing at the beach and the boardwalk, but no word on the gardens. I tried giving other peonies a whirl and even sauntered by a neighbor’s yard to visit their quite nice Festiva Maxima. I dropped in on a tumbledown estate called Gibraltar where some charming peonies ring an Italianate garden. But it turns out I don’t have the kind of heart that can accommodate a side peony. Like real love, my floral ardor is painfully specific.

Fortunately, the heartsick writer always has one trick up her sleeve. She can find out a lot, even during a pandemic, under the premise of “research.” I contacted Winterthur, whose staff confirmed the peonies were all well and had been champs even through a cold snap. Cards on the table, I told the director of horticulture I wanted to know everything about the peonies at Winterthur.

This returned to me the wincing memory of how I once wanted to know everything about a cad (not Dave) who I loved during freshman year. I had even wondered: What kind of toothpaste does this magnificent creature use? Without getting into the details, let’s just say my peony has already been far more loyal and worthy of my sincere interest than the unmagnificent gent from Kappa Sigma.

The staff at Winterthur answered my inquiry by graciously opening their digital archives and sending me the kind of source matter that makes the heart pound. Though I wasn’t able to divine my peony’s name, I did learn a lot more about how the Winterthur peony gardens came to be.

The peony garden almost wasn’t: Du Pont initially planned to grow irises, but the archives hint at some sort of flapdoodle with the Iris Society, which visited in 1937. The visitors shared iced tea and cookies, the records show, but perhaps not du Pont’s inclination to plant his garden strictly “from the point of view of color.”

Du Pont collaborated with two talented women on the gardens: Landscape architect Marian Coffin and Silvia Saunders, daughter of the most well known peony hybridizer in the world, Arthur Percy Saunders Professor Saunders crossed variety after variety and du Pont is credited with having the foresight to acquire many of his cultivars, which he grew in upstate New York.

Du Pont wrote to Saunders, a year before the professor died: “I expect to have a yearly thrill during the remainder of my life from the Saunders garden.”

That time the Winterthur peonies traveled to London: Du Pont encouraged Silvia Saunders to travel to the 1962 Chelsea Flower Show with 300 Winterthur peonies. There, before a silver coromandel screen, and assisted by two famous British horticulturalists, she displayed the well-traveled beauties. The Winterthur blooms garnered five awards including the Lindley Silver Medal. Du Pont, who was among the judges that year, left Silvia Saunders a note on the peony table that read, “Good work, lass!”

It must have been a glorious, celebratory moment, but I like to rewind the tape to six days earlier, when the buds had to be collected in Delaware for the trans-Atlantic trip ahead. I’ve heard tell that they picked the peonies in the rain holding umbrellas over the buds to protect them. Is this not like every romantic movie ever made? And I wonder if my pink peony was in that winning bunch. I feel certain, yes.

How good it feels to be part of an audience that heaps public praise and recognition on those we love and who most surely deserve it. But this year, the Chelsea Flower Show “went digital” just like my son’s college graduation. The staff at Winterthur did all they could for me. They shared photos and videos of the blooming garden on social media That, plus all the archival information, soothed me, but in the partial way of a Zoom call for a momentous occasion.

We had such a call with my graduating son and it was something. But I wanted all 360 degrees, full immersion for my senses. At this moment in our sad year, one feels compelled to say these little griefs — over missed peonies and commencement exercises — are not such a big deal. But they’re not nothing.

Perhaps my joy will double when my son’s postponed graduation celebration finally happens. And I’m sure my heart will swell next May, when the peonies, those “silent, numb nudgers,” emerge from the cold soil to give us all the yearly thrill. Maybe I’ll bring Dave.

Until then, something is always abloom at Winterthur, whose gardens, I’m thrilled to say, have reopened. Summer is just getting started. We can still have purple rhododendron, blue hydrangea and orange day lillies — flowers for when the day is new. I’ll be looking at those blooms, but peony, I’ll be seeing you.

Debra Moffitt is a Delaware writer whose essays have been published in Slate, the Washington Post, and a middle-grade book series by St. Martin’s Press. Photos of peonies at Winterthur taken by the author in May of 2019. 

A Peony Kind of Love…and Missing Winterthur originally appeared on GardenRant on June 9, 2020.

The post A Peony Kind of Love…and Missing Winterthur appeared first on GardenRant.

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[turfandlawncare]

A Peony Kind of Love…and Missing Winterthur

Guest Rant by Debra Moffitt In this burdened, budding springtime, we are all looking for something to do. I suggest falling in love — rollicking, floating on a marshmallow cloud, I’m-not-even-hungry love.

To be honest, my paramour and I have been carrying on since 2016 and this year we are as star-crossed as any two have ever been. Confession: I’m married. But the real problem is my heart’s desire lives behind the gates of an Eden-like public garden called Winterthur. The place draws a crowd, so the pandemic forced it shut for all of April and May. No visitors allowed.

Among the lush woodlands and rolling meadows of Delaware’s Winterthur, something is always in bloom. In May, it was my Paeonia and I was sick with longing. I imagined barreling through the single orange cone ahead of the guard shack. Or maybe I’d drop in, like a botanical paratrooper, surgically landing between the upper and lower jardins des pivoines. Could I pilot a drone over the walls of this former du Pont estate for just a glimpse?

Reader, my love is a peony.

Oh, I wish at least I knew its name! But I’ve come to find that identifying a singular peony is like trying to track down Cinderella after she fled the ball single-shoed. The registry maintained by the American Peony Society lists a cast of thousands – from “A La Mode” to “Zori” and many doozies in between: Dawn Glow Nosegay Elsa Sass Laddie Bartzella Souvenir de Maxime Cornu Thura Hires Shishigashira Many Happy Returns Mrs. Livingston Farrand Myrtle Gentry Mr. Ed

I could love any one of these monikers were it attached to the achingly pale pink peony of my heart’s desire. I’ve scanned dozens of photos and, to my eye, it’s close to a Shirley Temple, a bit like Angel’s Cheeks, in the neighborhood of Sarah Bernhardt, but with more of a snowball confection at its center. Ensconced among hundreds of other peonies at Winterthur, this flower shimmered and vibrated before me like Daisy to Gatsby on a steamy Louisville afternoon. As Fitzgerald wrote, “She blossomed for him like a flower.” Sigh. Same.

In early May, with no indication when Winterthur would re-open, I suppose I could have tilted my petal-wilting passion toward my husband. But wow, no thank you. We’ve been penned up together since March and his name is merely Dave.

Time was running out for me and my mystery flower. Peonies bloom gloriously, glamorously and oh-so briefly. Within days, these ruffled beauties, these hundred-petal bombs, wilt and flop over like debutantes after a boozy party. They swiftly mature into leathery seed pods and the year-long wait begins again.

Before you suggest I grow my own peony, do you know that peonies must be planted in the fall and are often without blooms for the first two or three years? Hence the peony grower’s adage “We sleep the first year, we creep the second and we leap the third.”

I can’t wait three years and, anyway, the flower I long for is no garden center special from Lowe’s. The Winterthur peonies — many planted in the 1950s and 1960s — carry a pedigree. This echelon of peonies announce their weddings in the New York Times. They bloom on the grounds of this Delaware chateau because they were chosen by Henry Francis du Pont, born in 1888 and heir to the industrialist family.

Mr. du Pont eventually turned over Winterthur’s immense, naturalistic garden — and his 175-room home — as a public space and museum. Connoisseurs of gardens flock there to ride open-air trams that survey its vistas. If you need more convincing, I crossed paths with Diane Keaton there last April and the U.S. Postal Service just emblazoned Winterthur on a garden series of Forever stamps. I have the stamps — would that I could send a letter to my cherished peony! I would scent it with perfume and close with a line from a Mary Oliver poem: “This morning the green fists of the peonies are getting ready to break my heart.”

Like a lightning-bolt love affair, the visible life cycle of a peony is astonishingly brief. Winterthur cuts back its peonies so that when I visited on March 13, the gardens were mostly just a flat expanse of soil with a few tiny shoots breaking through at ground level. A close inspection of the spot where my treasured peony blooms revealed only a hollow, woody reed barely poking up through the mulch.

A lot happens in a few weeks. With velocity, peonies go straight vertical in the early spring. Then, atop the stem, two leaves extend themselves as open-armed as a ballerina in second position. Those graceful arms, that sturdy stem, will soon hold aloft an improbably large peony bud, like Atlas shouldering the heavens. The buds emerge closed tight and often the color of cherry cola, sticky with nectar, pure ambrosia for ants. Peony buds then metamorphize into a firm packet of petals known as the “marshmallow” stage. It’s all I can do not to pop one into my mouth.

That is slightly less crazy than it sounds because peonies are used in salads and jams. But please don’t eat the peonies! That would rob you of what happens next. Finally released from its leafy cocoon, the marshmallow bud yawns open and the peony spirals wide into full flower. Nothing to see here but the annual miracle. Swoon. Two million #peonies photos on Instagram prove I’m not alone.

By mid-May I knew I was running out of options. My peony would soon bloom without me. Delaware’s quarantine rules were relaxing at the beach and the boardwalk, but no word on the gardens. I tried giving other peonies a whirl and even sauntered by a neighbor’s yard to visit their quite nice Festiva Maxima. I dropped in on a tumbledown estate called Gibraltar where some charming peonies ring an Italianate garden. But it turns out I don’t have the kind of heart that can accommodate a side peony. Like real love, my floral ardor is painfully specific.

Fortunately, the heartsick writer always has one trick up her sleeve. She can find out a lot, even during a pandemic, under the premise of “research.” I contacted Winterthur, whose staff confirmed the peonies were all well and had been champs even through a cold snap. Cards on the table, I told the director of horticulture I wanted to know everything about the peonies at Winterthur.

This returned to me the wincing memory of how I once wanted to know everything about a cad (not Dave) who I loved during freshman year. I had even wondered: What kind of toothpaste does this magnificent creature use? Without getting into the details, let’s just say my peony has already been far more loyal and worthy of my sincere interest than the unmagnificent gent from Kappa Sigma.

The staff at Winterthur answered my inquiry by graciously opening their digital archives and sending me the kind of source matter that makes the heart pound. Though I wasn’t able to divine my peony’s name, I did learn a lot more about how the Winterthur peony gardens came to be.

The peony garden almost wasn’t: Du Pont initially planned to grow irises, but the archives hint at some sort of flapdoodle with the Iris Society, which visited in 1937. The visitors shared iced tea and cookies, the records show, but perhaps not du Pont’s inclination to plant his garden strictly “from the point of view of color.”

Du Pont collaborated with two talented women on the gardens: Landscape architect Marian Coffin and Silvia Saunders, daughter of the most well known peony hybridizer in the world, Arthur Percy Saunders Professor Saunders crossed variety after variety and du Pont is credited with having the foresight to acquire many of his cultivars, which he grew in upstate New York.

Du Pont wrote to Saunders, a year before the professor died: “I expect to have a yearly thrill during the remainder of my life from the Saunders garden.”

That time the Winterthur peonies traveled to London: Du Pont encouraged Silvia Saunders to travel to the 1962 Chelsea Flower Show with 300 Winterthur peonies. There, before a silver coromandel screen, and assisted by two famous British horticulturalists, she displayed the well-traveled beauties. The Winterthur blooms garnered five awards including the Lindley Silver Medal. Du Pont, who was among the judges that year, left Silvia Saunders a note on the peony table that read, “Good work, lass!”

It must have been a glorious, celebratory moment, but I like to rewind the tape to six days earlier, when the buds had to be collected in Delaware for the trans-Atlantic trip ahead. I’ve heard tell that they picked the peonies in the rain holding umbrellas over the buds to protect them. Is this not like every romantic movie ever made? And I wonder if my pink peony was in that winning bunch. I feel certain, yes.

How good it feels to be part of an audience that heaps public praise and recognition on those we love and who most surely deserve it. But this year, the Chelsea Flower Show “went digital” just like my son’s college graduation. The staff at Winterthur did all they could for me. They shared photos and videos of the blooming garden on social media That, plus all the archival information, soothed me, but in the partial way of a Zoom call for a momentous occasion.

We had such a call with my graduating son and it was something. But I wanted all 360 degrees, full immersion for my senses. At this moment in our sad year, one feels compelled to say these little griefs — over missed peonies and commencement exercises — are not such a big deal. But they’re not nothing.

Perhaps my joy will double when my son’s postponed graduation celebration finally happens. And I’m sure my heart will swell next May, when the peonies, those “silent, numb nudgers,” emerge from the cold soil to give us all the yearly thrill. Maybe I’ll bring Dave.

Until then, something is always abloom at Winterthur, whose gardens, I’m thrilled to say, have reopened. Summer is just getting started. We can still have purple rhododendron, blue hydrangea and orange day lillies — flowers for when the day is new. I’ll be looking at those blooms, but peony, I’ll be seeing you.

Debra Moffitt is a Delaware writer whose essays have been published in Slate, the Washington Post, and a middle-grade book series by St. Martin’s Press. Photos of peonies at Winterthur taken by the author in May of 2019. 

A Peony Kind of Love…and Missing Winterthur originally appeared on GardenRant on June 9, 2020.

The post A Peony Kind of Love…and Missing Winterthur appeared first on GardenRant.

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