#but rn he's way too confused and raw about things to make it so

[redwayfarers]

Smash or pass speedround?

meg i owe you my LIFEEEEEE

nika smash or pass go brrr

pass bc he'd be too intimidated by her and/or have the relationship be so professional fucking isn't even in the picture

smash bc she's cute and looks like his type! his baby bisexual type, that is, which i do mean as "conventional gender expression." might change in the future but he'd smash

smash bc he looks like a bastard and we know how big of a bastardsexual nika is

smash, it's the masc energy!! would talk abt art with him and then smash kinda vibe

pass, might trigger questioning of his own relationship to masculinity and that'd be the biggest turn off of all time

smash!! no clear reason, just "yes she cute"

smash, but in a way that will make him question things later. a highly identity crisis flavored smash

[senjuushi]

I'm in a comfort mood rn so how about master gently helping some boys of your choice through a panic attack? with copious amounts of cuddles and soft things after ofc

I'll pick some cute ones~ ;3c

. . .

Ghost

When he panics, Ghost tries to make himself disappear. Even if he trusts you enough to want comfort, he doesn't dare make even more of a burden of himself by asking for it. Still, he'll cling if you get close, hiding his face against your shoulder or chest because it's so painfully embarrassing to be seen when he's like this. You're a blessedly kind Master for going out of your way to comfort him, even when he's too overwhelmed and afraid to face it.

Arisaka

At first, Arisaka just seems confused that you're trying to comfort him at all. He tends not to notice a building panic attack until the dissociation hits, so it seems odd that Master is suddenly so concerned about him. When the panic properly kicks in, though, you're left with a limp, doll-like body to move around, blankly obedient to whatever you guide him to do. However, for some reason, being held in your lap makes him break down and cry.

Hachikyu

His immediate assumption is that you're going to punish him, or at the very least, make fun of him for acting so pathetic. Normally, Hachikyu can more or less contain his panic until he's alone, where it's safe to break down. It's hard to believe you're actually trying to comfort him— at least, it is until you're rubbing his back and assuring him he's not in trouble. The comfort is straight out of his most desperate fantasies of having someone who cares.

Muku

His panic attacks are sudden and violent, reducing him to little more than survival instincts and raw fear. He'll flinch away if you get too close, bracing for some imagined blow long before it comes. Just sitting with him helps— letting him hold your hand, guiding his fingers away when his attempts at muffling himself get too rough, and so on. When it's over, he'll be utterly exhausted, and even more pliant to whatever directions you give.

Like2

When he's in the middle of a panic attack, Like2 tends to lash out. He feels awful and uncute like that already, and the fear of being seen at his worst makes him want to push you away before that agonizing rejection can come. And yet, his prickly attitude falls apart as soon as you're holding him— once the opportunity for comfort is in front of him, he can't hold back. You're letting this happen, even offering it, so it's fine for him to be clingy, right?

[almalvo]

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY | S1E6 "Lethe"

[I will react to each episode individually and in full, raw reception and then post as is unrevised here onto my tumblr for the full span of every and all NuTrek episodes and series that have been and will be released. If this falls under your field of interest - I welcome your company in joining me. Enjoy the ride.] -------

oh this city is so pretty vulcan? yah oh pretty ship design they do the environments and ships suich glorious justice in this show lmao shirt that says "disco" on it only trekkies would understand ;) man this will be so interesting to see burnham rise to captaincy also aw i love her smile dang the way the phasers dissolve its targtes aww these horizontal lens flares gets me in the AOS lorca might have been happier were he born a klingon. oh my god this hologram animation was fucking GORGEOUS oh my god i LOVE the detail in the costuems gorgeous i like the overall tone of DISCO - but i think it gets nearer perfected in SNW injection why wow suicide bomber. spock. where are you. so much sarek. ugh the cooking up to it is just ughh oh my god space is gorgeous ugh this intro pleaseeeee

its very simple feeling but also so effective its so classy. sylvia. so brave. these meld sequences are so god burnham is so beautiful is that amanda. i am so confused what in the world what the fuck is happening that was such a weird meld scene mmm i feel like it couldve been cut a little differently imo "humanity's potential" and then she eventually meets spock though right like… oh my god what the HELL HAPPENS???? oh my god i want to take my time with this series but also want to just binge all of it i kinddddd of dont like the cinematographic style in the show

it feels so fast? i feel like we dont get a lot of time to just lets things settle and sink? could just be me but i still feel the pacing is a little odd in this series so far you break your fortune cookies like that lorca? messy. handcracker lorca over here. i love how clear saru's voice is through the prosthetics ok stamets. ok. we get it. we know what you like.

lorca's butt. that is all. this conversation is kind of cute when burnham lorca and stamets are all talking about sending DISCO into a nebulae hahah ugh space travel in humanity. imagine. ugh they did the composite editing so well in this. one thing though i LOVE the colourgrading its so saturated sometimes even overblowing the colours - i aint mad though in this case after many, many, many. episodes of trek that are in that old washed-out film (minus the remasters) - this is absolutely visually DELECTABLE. i feel like DISCO could better use a little bit more steady flatter moments in pacing

the show just never stops feeling so… antsy?? a little too much shakey cam ohhh fascinating that facial accessory in the exact position of hte meld spots since this is all retconned to the prime trek universe, it just makes me wonder how fleshed out a modern TOS would be from all this. at least i mean a "modern TAKE" ofc. ugh the urge to draw more spock in sex;y ass everyday wears on vulcan…. cough cough ok ok sry. ooo this is so odd to see all this happen its a big move to try to retcon such a major character into sarek's life i wonder how burnham's story ends. i mean. i know s5 is in the making j- but honestly where is this all GOing… and how does it relate to future Captain Pike and future First Science Officer Spock… i like lorca's smile. his dead eyes ugh. is this the space sexy time - i dont think i need it like this rn bruh not sure if im into lorca lorca time i cant lie the feeling of this series is kind of off i wonder if its because of the actors' delivery?

or maybe even more specificially sonequa's delivery?? idk why it feels a litttttle off since the first episode she feels like a more fresh actor i meant to say this since the first episode but i just wanted to see HE SAID SPOCK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA but yeah sonequa (burnham's actor) feels a bit on the fresher side as an actor. not meaning to insult no no. she just feels younger/not as matured yet as an actor theres just soemthing slightlyyy amiss in her acting im not sure ugh these colours interesting bit of lore ugh this calligraphy wow lorca nice one u keep that under ur pillow ok im very intersted to see lorca's lore though hes a strong actor so far as well curious ok i dont like the cut-to-cut style of the filiming in this show its too whiplash fast no time to really breathe but more so no time to really just take in and appreciate the scene, if that makes sense? its almost disorienting i wish it was steadier SNW definitely did not feel like this in its filming style it was steadier, as i think is necessary imo

that was so fast. burnham is grateful to serve under a captain like lorca? where did THAT come from? it feels so sudden?? and feels very un-burnham. ok guys, its odd cuz it almost feels like Seven-of-Nine had more… life than Burnham?? these scenes arent allowed to mature and soak- why?? why do they pace it like t his? it almost feels like im seeing the fact thers a thousand words in this book, but the pages are turning before i can digest its story? its like there are sectillions of water droplets moving together, but yet are somehow not allowed to flow as the river it should be. thats what this show feels like. its so odd. i think its less that there is an "oddness of delivery" from the axtors, but more so the cinematography is just so flighty and impatient. and some is bc of a not-too-terribly-fantastic-screenplay visuals are def the best this show has demonstrated so far to me in its attributes i almost read "United Klingon" as "United Kingdom" lmao Saru and his twiddly fingers ugh i love his face his fucking heels though his heel feet heel stilt feet.

mmm captain battle-happy lorca. ok - well, i think this show so far couldve been filmed a little better - or at least editing direction couldve been different and more lax. if even a tad. its almost frustrating sometimes how WHIPLASH it is. a great example is that lorca x cornwell scene like you can almost acctually SEE shots that are so unnecessarily cut. i dont really like it - the camera-cut editing style takes away from the experience imo. it also makes certain deliveries worse than they are from actors' performances cuz the pacing is so whack sometimes even visually and audially. its still only season 1. ill see.

[snaillamp]

I meant examples from yourself, my bad. Sorry for the confusion.

Anyway, I'll be looking out for enjar whump. I got my hopes up for a big reveal now. And congrats! Even if it's mandatory, it's still a big feat that you'll be on the field. I hope you get the bare minimum practice (i mean a calm shift, for everyone in your area. It sounds weird, but it'd be weirder to wish good practice i think?)

Oh no, I have to read Keh-yah. I've been busy, so I didn't want to just read through quickly. So, this is your chance to infodump about Keh-yah. Anything you want. Little bits of pieces didn't make to chapter or even small random facts.

~ Squishy. I rambled a little

Ohhh ahaha! Well yea I am a real little Whumpee, I’ve been hurt in really weird ways. There’s a scar on my hand from when I ripped my skin off shutting a portapotty door…. Yeahhhh…

But I used to be a gymnast, so I have been kicked and hit a lot by accident, and one day a girl did a hand stand and didn’t look behind her and she kicked my thumb. It over extended and was so painful for days my mum ended up taking me to get it xrayed because I genuinely thought it was broken. It wasn’t but was permanently damaged, the joint was a little fucked up.

As for Keh-yah, he’s a very tall demon, he’s hanging out with a Catholic priest who’s nursing him back to health and is a bit of a coma right now from sepsis. It’s the way I’ve decided to talk about his imprisonment.

Info dump/lore wise, he’s canonically non-binary and aro-ace, preferring to present more male than female, but has no qualms shape shifting into a woman or a whole other thing. The perks of his job is that he gets to look however he wants and if that means he’s a weird shadow creature or a floating eyeball so be it. But his base form, his default if you will is just a tall guy. He likes being simple, is too sarcastic and pessimistic for his own good and really likes steak.

He loves him a big juicy raw steak to munch on.

He’s also a bit mischievous, he likes to gross out the priest looking after him and fuck with him, because he’s an immortal demon, he’s gotta have fun some how.

All in all he’s probably one of my favourite ocs I just haven’t had time to do him justice rn

[dsk0fx]

My thoughts feel very all over the place and our of control right now I have too much in mt.head and it is confusing I feel angry at so many insignificant things. My head is spinning. I've never been this fucking dysphoric before I feel so shit in and about myself I'm an absolute fucking wreck I've put on so much weight I feel so awful about mysekr even though I know I am healthier now I can't look at myself in a mirror inhate my apperance I hate my hair I hate the fact I feel like I don't have a personality or any sense of self I don't know what I like or how I want to look or dress and I hate it my dysphoria is killing me I'm constantly paranoid about my period starting again I cannot be calm I need to change something about myself binding is killing me it hurts so bad ans icant regulate my temperature and I feel like my T isn't doing jack shit the gender clinic are being fuckin useless I need top surgery ans hysto I feel so out of control of everything I hate it so much I need my chest to be flat I need to pass I need my hair to be good I need to be clean I need to be clean I am not clean I need to be clean I am not taking care of myself at all ans like.i am getting so angry irrationally and protective over how Jakes been treated bad in the past it makes me irate I want to hurt anyone that has ever made him feel any bad feeling I feel so possessive n protective over him lately he is mine and only mine and the fact it's not always been that way is infuriating to me rn. Idk if it's bc he's been sick n I've gone into over protective mode or what but idk. I feel so out of control I duxking hate this I think I need to go back on my meds but I'm not sure. I don't even know who I am anymore any sense of identity is slipping away from me because I try to shove myself into boxes but I don't fit into one certain subculture n it's killing me even tho I know it's literally no big deal but I feel like if I don't I'll get judged and have to be a certain way so I feel like I have no personality of my own and don't know what ahy of my own interests of likes are because I just moulf to people around me and I need to stop smoking but I can't but im almost out of baccy

but it's the only thing making my head shut up and feel calm right now and I literally feel.like I cannot function I am so overwhelmed by everything right now I hate it so much I feel like.im.never seeing Jake right now eieher because he's at work so much and burnt out and I miss him I miss him I don't feel good at all I feel like I am going insane and I want it to stop I've been having really bad sh urges and I've been able to not so far but I'm scared but I've been drinking again and I'm trying to stop because I don't want to get dependent on drigs or alcohol again but addiction is wireed into me because of how severe my fucking ADHD is I can't help it and I need to not but my gp won't give me any of my meds and adult services arnwt willing to help or do shit until I'm 25 bx of my auriam and I dont know what's going on with the gender clinic or Mt t ans I'm so stressed everything feels too much right now my head won't stop it won't be quiet I hate it I cand motivate myself to do anything I'm a failure and a let down and not good at anything and don't even know why I am still here I cabr work im so mentally fucked in the head I can't even get a job I am useless and worthless and my.life feels hoplwss like I'm never going to do ajytbing with it I hate my head I hate my brain I hate myself I have every single little thing about myself I do not feel like a person I feel so far dissociated and depersonalized and derealizeed I feel like a feral animal trapped in a cage scratching and clawinh trying to escape until my skin is raw and I am bleeding I want to rip mt.skin off I donf feel human I am not okay please somebody bwlp me I don't want to wakw Jake up I don't feel okay I don't feel okay I don't feel okay I hate this I just want it to stop I just want to feel okay I want to feel like an actual human being and not an angry terrified animal

[jiminrings]

bestie what if jungkook finally finds out that jin’s friends with y/n 😭😭😭 he’d live in embarrassment for like eight business days

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

jungkook wants to crawl in a ditch for bADLY misjudging a situation he should’ve foreseen in the first place

yoongi has never been this dedicated to curing his hangover

well actually, nO ONE was really forcing him to pick you and taehyung up anyway

you didn't even ask!!! you could 10/10 just call for an uber to bring back taehyung to his place

maybe, just maybe, it's your fault that when yoongi asked you where you were when he's just woken up from a long night of partying, you mentioned "i'm with taehyung" and hospital and go home in the same sentence so that's why he went to overdrive

did he process what you said correctly?? probably not <3

that's the whole reason why yoongi had wasted sIX eggs this morning!!

he read somewhere in passing and watched song-hwa from hospital playlist enough to know that drinking eggs apparently helps you with your hangover and some other things

first, he wasted tHREE eggs because apparently, you're not supposed to drink the eggs !!! whisked !!! because it "defeats" the whole purpose

but it's still an egg whether you whisk it and no one's sane enough to drink raw eggs unprovoked

yoongi nailed it on the second try and he might have gagged a few times but the important thing is, his hangover is all-cured from the stress of digesting raw eggs :D so now he can safely drive at a borderline dangerous speed to pick you and tae up

"hey kiddo."

you peer your head up to see yoongi looking down at you, ruffling your hair in greeting

you've been held up here for less than five hours anyway, and it's not that yOU look tired,,, it's just that maybe you could use a little more sleep

lol you got yoongi thinking for a second that you're the injured on

"hey champ," yoongi acknowledges taehyung who's smiling from his bed, getting a forehead flick from his senior to which he rolls his eyes to

taehyung's... dressed up already in his normal clothes?

he already has his shoe on too so yoongi doesn't quite get why the two of you still aren't standing up

"you're lucky you just got a flick," you add helpfully, yawning in remembrance, "he punched my arm when i fell down the stairs at the dorm."

and wHY is this conversation all pointing to him now??

"because the both of you did stupid things that landed you in the ER!"

"i was just trying to see if i can go down the stairs three steps at a time!!"

"i just wanted to embrace y/n!!!"

very stoopid decisions if you ask him

yoongi shifts his weight from one foot to another, still a little lost because he's already here, and the two of you are all-ready to go, and he's not really a fan of the smell of the hospital —

oh wait

"has the bill already been settled?" he asks in curiosity, fishing out his wallet from his pocket

"mhmm. already did," tae answers instantly, nudging yoongi to put his wallet back where it came from

uhm wait maybe it's the eggs that are talking but uh

..... if the bill's already paid-

"then why are we all just sitting here?"

taehyung opens his mouth but he cLOSES it shut the moment it all clicks in his head, belatedly looking at you whose face screams conflict

yoongi's eyes turn to you on instinct, narrowing his eyes because you're choosing not to meet his eyes

"we're uh, we're waiting for jungkook to come back from the restroom."

...

.....

.......

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

yoongi's quiet, almost like he's calculating the variables in his mind

his mind's working harder rn that it did on his finals last week

"so jungkook is here?"

he gets war flashbacks every time he hears his name

he just shudders at the thought of him and he doesn't mean it positively lmao

"y-yeah! did i not tell you that at the call? he helped me get taehyung here," you scratch your nape in explanation, not accounting for the fact that yoongi still vERY much loathes jungkook when you called him

tae's not actually sure if he's helping you when he opens his mouth but he's trying his best <3

"yup! his shoulders were my crutch for like, three blocks. he also bought us food from the cafeteria while we were waiting to have my leg cast!!"

he glances at the fancy paper bags from the cafeteria downstairs, even some take-outs in there that makes it look all-stuffed

how in the living hELL is yoongi suppposed to feel about all of this :|

"i'm back! should i call an uber now? sorry, i bought these tiny hand sanitizers because they were having a sale at the pharmacy. y/n what scent do you-..."

jungkook happily chirps as he rummages through the bag he was given, preparing to scoop all the different scents to present them to you when he jUST had to look down at a familiar pair of shoes

as in the same black converse that he had the relief of looking at when someone was particularly asking him if he ever had a knuckle sandwich

"h-hi yoongi."

yoongi narrows his eyes at the kid who just squeaked, mouth puffed-up in disbelief that he looks like he's hiding a hamster in there

"bye jungkook."

yoongi uses tae as an excuse to shoo jungkook off as fast as possible but that kinda bites him in the ass

taehyung's going through a learning curve with his crutches and yoongi's making him wALK faster!!!! he still needs a little-

oh wait a minute :-)

"jungkook! help me walk to yoongi's car."

no

there is nO way that even taehyung's conspiring against him now

first jin and now taehyung????

tae solidifies his point by winking at yoongi, leaving you alone with him as you carry the paper bags of cafeteria take-outs

he's not exactly sure if he's helping you out at this situation, but once again, he's just trying his best and having fun alright!!! he likes to be included in these types of things hee-hee

yoongi has no choice now but to aLSO drive jungkook home, and the thought just makes him grumble from thinking about it

he'll have to disinfect his seats ://

"i haven't fully forgiven him if that's what you're thinking about," you chime in with his thoughts, looping your arm around his to help quell the visible stress in his mind

"it's your life," he puffs out because he doesn't want to meddle with you, consciously trying not to be overbearing when it comes to your choices

"i know. i just want you to know that your closest friend has the pride and the brains to not forgive an asshole, a goddamn junior, who said really mean things to her," you add thoughtfully and transparently, making yoongi break into a smile

ok that's got the heaviness in his chest a little lighter

"we should probably talk to each other one of these days."

you haven't had a heart-to-heart talk with yoongi for quite some time now because there weren't really any pressing issues of the sort to make the two of you talk face-to-face, but now it's probably needed

"we should."

:D

jungkook has never feared for his life in a car ride tHIS much before

and he's even wearing his seatbelt!!!!

you're sitting at the front seat and he's with taehyung at the back, the latter dozing off because yoongi indulged his request for sleep music with soft rain on the background (it doesn't make yoongi sleepy) in an attempt to make him feel better about his leg

the one-hour loop's working wonders because you're passed out on the front seat too

normally, this would also make jungkook sleepy

but how the fuck can he sLEEP when yoongi looks at him through the rear-view mirror like an apex predator??????

kook could take the easier route of pretending to sleep so he could get to avoid yoongi's gaze

but then if he pretends to sleep, yoongi would clearly see how his eyeballs are still very much trembling even when his eyes are shut and he's the furthest thing from being relaxed

don't get him started on stoplights too!!! that was just pure torture because jungkook was conflicted to whether or not he should look at him rIGHT back

taehyung and jungkook live in the same building anyway so that's more convenient because he actually wouldn't know how to act if he had to drop j-name (he honestly can't digest saying his name) separately

now that that's all over, jungkook feels oddly fulfilled in a way...?

fulfilled in a sense that even if partially, he managed to earn your forgiveness

he feels like he could sleep a little more peacefully knowing that he atleast did something right this time!!!

which is for the exact reason, he's gonna gUSH about this to mr. kim from student affairs!!!

it's uh the weekend and he walked to campus because he thinks that admin works even on weekends (mad respect)

it's noticeably a lot more empty compared to weekdays and it's just filled with freshmen with their hectic class schedules and some students who are just fulfilling units to graduate early

jungkook walks straight to student affairs and it instantly looks empty, the only familiar face in there being namjoon

as in mr. kim namjoon who's wearing a windbreaker rn and whose hair is dEFINITELY blonde than the last time (two days ago) that jungkook saw him

he's not here to work isn't he

wait is he here to rob the place ???!?#?!?

"and what are you doing here?"

namjoon is as confused as jungkook, his mouth opening and closing in dumbfoundedness

"o-oh! is mr. kim here? w-wait, you are here. i mean mr. kim seokjin, sorry. did he-"

"nope," namjoon shakes his head, putting his bucket hat back on to leave jungkook all by himself

namjoon from work and namjoon every other time besides work are TWO different entities

"we just came here to collect our paychecks. you missed jin by ten minutes."

oh well

his momentum's not entirely ruined!! jungkook just has to cram thinking of a recipe to put in your lunchbox by tomorrow and jin is his tried and tested saving grace

technically, jungkook already saw you this morning because of the whole taehyung in a cast thing, but he feels as if that the take-outs from the cafeteria aren't gonna cut it

he still needs to step up his game of course :D

so that's why jungkook forcibly enlisted jimin's help to make fish and chips for dinner and put them in two lunchboxes

one for you and one for yoongi!! he didn't skimp on the fish nor the chips and made sure they're still toasty and in peak-flavor when he delivers it to your dorm

is he intruding? is this a bad time? he didn't exactly know how to process when yoongi told him that he wouldn't stop him from making it up to you

he just iSN'T sure if delivering homemade lunchboxes at 7 in the evening to your dorm is optimal

oh good!! the door's opening :D

"good evening!! i uhm-"

... what

.......... WHAT

what the fuck is going on

seokjin is suprised to see that the guy at the door isn't from the delivery place he ordered from two minutes ago

... he may be disappointed

but what he is amused about is the way jungkook looks beyond confused and intimidated

jin's in a sleep shirt and some boxers and jungkook doesn't kNOW what to feel about all the variables present that he's trying to connect

"you look like you're hiding a goldfish in your mouth."

seokjin remarks and yawns when a fraction of a minute passes and jungkook's still frozen in his spot, his eyes darting to what the kid's holding

"oh c'mon! one for y/n and one for yoongi? you trying to make it up to him too? and none for me?" jin jives him further, leaning against the doorframe with a sleepy smirk on his lips, "i practically live here, and i gave you the tonkatsu recipe, and i'm the one who doesn't get a lunchbox?"

he eventually saw this coming lmao

jin knew that someway somehow, jungkook would come to know that hE's your close friend throughout the whole time

that he's been the sort of middleman all this time but nah he's on your team of course <3

that all this whining he's done to him has all been in the name of you and seokjin had to sit through ALLLL of that with his fists clenched underneath the table to calm himself down

"oh my god," jungkook's literally WEAK in the knees as it all connects in his mind, the gravity of this scenario kicking down on him

he really iS such a fucking asshole

how did he not hypothesize this????? how wasn't he able to connect you and yoongi and jin as each other's closest friends???

his legs are literally about to give out so that's why seokjin snatches the lunchboxes from his hands

"i am so, so, so sorry mr. kim. i-i really didn't-..."

jin pays him no mind, opening the lunchboxes slightly as he whistles at the sight of fish and chips

meanwhile jungkook is so sO close to crying both in realization and very very slight relief because he knows atleast one of your friends doesn't hate him that much

the door opens wider, the creaking getting both of his and jin's attention

"what's taking you so long? is the-..."

yoongi switches his gaze between the two lunchboxes on jin's hand and jungkook sitting on the floor looking like he's had the shock of his lifetime

wow this is really amusing

this is in fact so amusing that yoongi can't help but to snap a picture for him and jin to laugh at later

"bye, jeon."

yoongi grabs one of the lunchboxes from jin's hand and goes back into the dorm, leaving jungkook alone with mr. student affairs

seokjin chuckles as he outstretches his hand to make jungkook stand up and shoo him off sooner than later so he wouldn't look like a pebble in front of your dorm

he pats him on the back, only having to pull him slightly to get him closer to his ear

"we're still mad at you kid, don't get it twisted. you're lucky i didn't expel you."

jungkook pales at the realization overall, only weakly nodding his head as he attempts to take in everything while trying to look at the bright side

seokjin cheerily closes the door, waving at him who looks so close to passing out from hock

"bye jungkook!!!"

[renawaywithme]

I fucking sent this to wrong blog by accident😂😂😂😂 so here’s the thing I originally meant to send you

Read the new chapter, loved it but, I gotta ask; are Raph and Raphael just free falling while they’re in the mind meld? 😂

Also I’m slightly confused, might just be me misreading, but how did 2012 Raphael get so beat up by 2012 shredder when he just got portaled up there? Shouldn’t rise raph be the one more injuries (bc shredder) as he was fighting before everyone else got there?

YEAH MEG SHOWED ME LMAO. It's also good - we both had a laugh over it.

As for your ask - that's a secret! The Mikey's mind meld was only a second in real time, Raphael said it was an almost instant reaction and change after they had contact. The Donnie's is untimed as no one was around to see it and the Leo's were long enough for the Donnie's to find them and have to wait for them to wake up. This means that the mind meld time varies so either they are paused like the Mikey's and everything is happening within a second or both of them are pancakes rn which would suck for both of them. I guess the readers just have to wait and see :)

As for the second question - I'm a bit confused by the wording. Raph is beat up - he went into a skid and confirmed he was pretty raw on one side from it and right now he's pretty hopped up on adrenaline so he isn't totally aware of all his injuries yet. As for Raphael, he was already in a fight before arriving on scene, specifically with Rise Shredder. His knee was dislocated and they weren't given enough time to heal or recuperate following that fight so he was already being portalled up fairly injuried.

And then he got stabbed so obviously he's way more injuried than Raph who was just getting in a fight. As a paramedic student, I can confirm that penetrating wounds are far more deadly and fatal than someone getting a bit roughed up by someone only a few inches taller and wider.

If you're referencing their appearances in the mind meld, than that might be a misread. Both Raph and Raphael are not injuried in the mind meld - Raphael is just missing his gear so Raph can see more of his scars and injuries before, but he's not actively injuried. If you're talking about the mirrors, than yes Raphael is actively injuried in the image he has manifested of himself. Mind Raph is unharmed because Raph views himself as unharmed or stable in a sense. How Mind Raph appears is how Raph sees himself. Mirror Raphael on the other hand is how Raphael perceives himself. I couldn't make it obvious due to Raph not having knowledge of any of Raphael's expirences or past images, but the description does make it clear what Raphael is fixating on.

1. He has a wound near his eye

2. Both eyes are completely white

3. He's wearing iron gauntlets as weapons instead of his sais

4. He appears a few years younger than how old he actually is.

Hopefully these are enough clues to know what episode and event I'm referencing since I don't want everything to be too obvious. The forms Mirror Raphael flickers through are also other ways Raphael has perceived himself over the years and each are canon characters/expirences he has faced (except the child form which is a headcannon of mine explained later in the book).

I hope this clarifies a few things and answers some questions and if not feel free to ask again! I love receiving asks, so please know my inbox is always open to answer question!

And yes, I am aware of the five paradox questions I have and I am currently creating a master list of the events LMAO sorry for the wait.

[multi-fxndom446]

Do you notice?

Mammon X Reader

When I tell you this one was literally haunting me and I couldn’t sleep till I wrote it- it is 4am rn. I guess I’ll see if I still like it tomorrow anyways I hope what I said under this made sense👇🏻👇🏻

If the words look like this it’s what’s currently happening.

If they look like this, it’s mammon’s thoughts.

If they look like this is flashback

~~

Mammon stood in front of you at a loss for words. He was pacing alone in his bedroom just moments before this before he decided to hype himself up enough to come to you and tell you what he wanted to say. But now, looking at you and how how your confused gaze burned holes into him, he realized maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

Baby when you sleep do you dream of me?

And when you’re awake, do you think of me?

“I need to know how do you feel?” He had finally gotten out, yet still refused to look you in the eyes. And even with that sentence it wasn’t everything his head was telling him to confess to you.

~

You and mammon were in your room like always yet it somehow felt calmer then usual. Maybe it was the fact Mammon was being oddly silent or that you were just to tired but as you fell asleep next to him, you realized it was because Mammon was focused on helping you rest.

He didn’t want to say anything to distract you from sleep so he stayed quiet. He had seen how tired you were at RAD, how overworked you seemed. So when you all got home and after you ate dinner he made sure you went straight to your room and locked the door so his brothers wouldn’t come in and keep you from the sleep you needed.

He ran his fingers through your hair which was something he knew you enjoyed and watched as it eventually lulled you to sleep. Even when you were asleep he didn’t stop playing with your hair.

His hands were gentle as they carded through the soft strands and he smiled to himself. He almost wondered what you dreamed about, if you ever did dream.

He took the time to admire you, as if he didn’t admire you enough at RAD that same day.

~

“Mammon?”

Before you could continue to ask something else he continued.

“Cause baby when I sleep I dream of you and when I’m awake that’s all I do.” He took a chance to glance at you, you seemed stunned. “Think about every detail you have.”

~

He’d often watch you in class, the way you focused on the lesson or the way you tried not to fall asleep. He never seemed to be able to focus even before you arrived in Devildom but since knowing you it’s gotten worse.

He’d spend most of his time in class admiring you, seeing every detail about you that he already has memorized. He watched with a loving smile as you’d turn to Satan for help or how you’d lean into Asmo to hear what he knew about the other demons in class. Stuff that usually made him jealous, he couldn’t seem to find it in him when he saw how happy you were.

Walking in the halls though if you weren’t walking with him he would definitely be a little disappointed. Especially if you chose to walk with Lucifer instead.

He’d watched with a frown on his face as you listened to whatever his brother had to say, you seemed so invested. Nothing he ever said to you had you this invested.

He almost turned to walk away in his fit when you saw him in the corner of your eye and you turned to him, giving him the most loving smile and immediately he melted.

He really could never get you out of his head.

~

Do you notice when I get mad, I clench my jaw?

Do you notice when I get sad, I tend to fall?

“Do you look at my words I say to you?”

~

Sometimes Mammon would wonder if you picked up on small details about him, details that’d he’d know about you.

He wondered if you ever noticed what he did whenever he got nervous, or jealous or mad. He was wondering that now as he watched you joke around with Beel and he clenched his jaw in anger.

He seemed to keep it that way for longer then he’d thought because next thing he knew you were in front of him, cupping his jaw and immediately he relaxed.

“You okay?” You asked him and he could only find it in him to nod but you looked down at his hands to see him starting to crack his knuckles, something he did when he was anxious.

So you smiled softly and brought both of your hands to his to hold them still. He stared at you wide eyed as you kissed his knuckles softly before you were pulled away by Levi to go play a new video game.

~

“Cause I notice when you get mad, you close your eyes and I notice when you are sad you let out sighs.” He looked to the floor again before quietly saying, “I need to know, are those sighs ever over me?”

You were on your last straw and Mammon could tell. His brothers all had been bugging you all week over different things, getting mad at the others for trying to steal you away and you were caught in the middle of there annoying bickering.

He noticed you close your eyes in anger. Something you did to try and stop yourself from yelling or arguing.

“Oi! Leave y/n alone!” Mammon started to shoo them away, “shes had a long day you can hang out later.”

When they all looked towards you they realized for once Mammon was right and all of them begrudgingly walked away.

He sat next to you on the couch in silence, noticing you start to play with your fingers. A thing he noticed you did when you got overwhelmed or nervous. But he also knew if you kept playing with them, they’d become raw from how much you rubbed them.

So quietly he put his hand in your lap and immediately your fingers went to play with his and twist his rings to distract yourself.

He glanced at you from the corner of his eye to see you let out a sigh and his heart ached. He wondered if he ever overwhelmed you like his brothers did.

~

Finally he looked you in your eyes as you stared at him with confusion. You seemed stunned, at a loss for words for what you were hearing. He was losing it, his words weren’t being clear, or not as clear as he wanted them to be.

So he decided to blurt out what he came to say to you in the first place. “Do you know how in love with you, I am?” He held his hands up to his chest, “do you see how in love with you, I am?” He clutched his shirt in desperation for the words to get through to you, “everything that you do it makes my heart stop.”

Oh it stops

“So baby when you sleep, do you think of me?” He seemed to calm down but he seemed almost sad to you now.

His hands dropped to his sides and once again he refused to look at anything but the floor. Almost expecting you to slam your door in his face.

“Mammon,” immediately his head shot up when he heard the crack in your voice and he felt guilt course through him when he saw tears in your eyes.

“What-?! I didn’t mean to make ya cry! Wait y/n I’m sorry! I didn’t mean-“ but before he could finish his sentence you lunged at him, wrapping your arms around his neck. He slowly wrapped his around your waist, scared this was some kind of dream.

You laughed through a relieved sob, “I’m in love with you too!” His eyes widened before his own tears came to his eyes and he hid his face in your neck.

“Of course you do.” You could only laugh before pulling away from him to wipe away the tears on his face and he did the same for you.

“See how easy that was?” You teased and his face flushed red as he muttered ‘shut up’ before cupping your jaw and leaning down to connect your lips.

It was a short kiss, one to basically confirm that this was real and that this was happening and when you kissed him back he felt his heart do flips.

When you pulled away you leaned your head against his and his fingers went to twirl the ends of your hair, “I love you Mammon.” You whispered softly

“I love you too y/n.

~~~

[blockgamepirate]

Reposting my response to some questions I got on an earlier Syndicate post:

Genuine question. What about the power vacuum that leaves once those governments are gone? Would the Syndicate as an association fight together against all outsider attempts to seize that power? What about people who aren’t members but are pressured/hurt in any way by those with more raw power & skill?

If Techno or the other members of the Syndicate don’t provide protection for anyone they liberate–and this server is very dog-eat-dog, there will be people greifing & stealing & destroying, & not just Tommy–then doesn’t that leave the liberated worse off? I’m just confused.

@operaeagleicelynlacelett​

Those are understandable questions! Okay this is probably gonna get long if I'm gonna take this seriously:

I should point out first that I can't answer for the Syndicate, I'm not writing this arc and I don't know what the Syndicate will do in practice. I'm just answering as one anarchist based on my own personal ideals and reasoning. Other anarchists might disagree, the Syndicate might disagree, but I can’t talk for anyone else.

The power vacuum question is pretty simple: I would assume that the fighting tyranny bit would apply just as much to any new usurpers just as well as the original rulers.

As for the other part: so, the server definitely has a problem with griefing, stealing and general destruction and bullying. Even if the Syndicate decided to try and help with that, I don't actually think that would be the best solution, because the Syndicate just can't be everywhere at once and it also shouldn't really be trusted with that kind of position anyway. We don't want it to develop into a police force.

To me it seems like the most effective way to solve that issue would be to reinforce a sense of community on the server and have people looking out for each other. In real life, the most effective way to prevent wrongdoings is actually just having people around and paying attention. Having neighbours that check up on your house every now and then when you're away, having people keeping an eye on situations that seem suspicious or threatening. Mostly people don't want to get caught doing bad things, and don't want to get confronted, so having eyes on them tends to stop them from even trying. Won’t work in every situation, but it’s genuinely really effective.

Like my source for this is a bunch of interviews from like actual ex-criminals. They all seem to say that the best way to keep people like them out of mischief is to have people looking at them. (I don't have the links on me rn but I imagine they're pretty easy to google?)

The Arctic Commune already kinda does this pretty effectively. Techno tends to be away/hibernate a lot, but Ranboo and Phil both keep an eye on his house when he isn't there to protect it himself. And they also intervene if they see either of the other two get threatened or attacked. Which I realise isn't super convincing since they're all pretty strong and well-equipped, but that's the basic idea. The best defence is to stick together with the people around you and look after each other and each other's stuff, mutually. If that's not enough then you have to go ask for aid from the wider community. Possibly even the Syndicate, yeah, assuming you know they exist since, you know, they’re supposed to be secret.

IMO this should also be coupled with the philosophy of restorative justice (which is the opposite of retributive justice, aka where you punish the guilty party). I have my doubts about the Syndicate being on board with this one since they all have a history of being pretty big on retribution lmao... buuuut I'm speaking from my own ideals here.

Restorative justice is more about talking things out and negotiating the appropriate way for the guilty party to redeem themself to their victim. It tends to lead to much better results in the long term, much less recidivism and much less division in the community. The victim is more likely to benefit in some way, the offender ideally gets to make up for their mistakes in a productive and helpful way and doesn't have to suffer just for the sake of suffering, which also makes them less likely to resent society as a whole. And since it's less about punishment, you don't end up so easily accidentally punishing innocent people either.

AND having the server operate more along the lines of restorative justice than retributive justice would actually cut down on the griefing because usually what seems to happen is that someone griefs you and then you grief them back and then they grief you back and so on. Better option: someone griefs you, you talk, they agree to rebuild your build for you. Ideally. Might require some convincing obviously, might also require other people to come along and mediate. If they can't build it because they're bad at building or something, they can at least help gather the resources, or just pay you with something else.

This is also what I mean when I say that New L'Manberg could have just asked Techno for reparations for his attack on November 16th. New L'Manberg was always pretty poor, Techno was pretty rich. Executing Techno did nothing for them, reparations would have actually helped them gain something from the deal.

I mean tbh I think it would have been a shitty deal for Techno because I mean, I wouldn't want to give my resources to a country I'm not even part of either, especially not as an anarchist, and I don't know if he would have agreed (especially since they already looted his old base and all). But just from NLM's point of view it would have been a much better idea, and more likely to actually benefit them. He might have even agreed just to get them to leave him alone.

Honestly, the main problem with all these ideas is that I think they might work a bit too well lol. The server needs conflict after all. For the content.

[afoolforatook]

V8 Ch 4 and Qrow’s speech about Clover.  And how we talk about how a character grieves, versus how grief is handled by writers.

So I really shouldn’t post this tonight because it’s 4 am and I’m tired and I’ve been thinking about this too much today already and this is something I should read over more..... But I’ve got to get it out before I can try to sleep. So, first off I apologize if this comes across poorly, or overly confrontational. It’s not at all how I mean it and I’m genuinely not upset with literally anyone. Just seeing some things that have me thinking about this more and more and it has me a little concerned, and I want to talk about it a bit more directly. 

I’ll probably add to this later or clarify or something… I just had to get it out of my head. 

I already talked about this some in response to theonceoverthinker’s post about it, and I’m too tired to try to cover all of that again, so if you want more context on how I feel about this, and why, please go read it. 

But I’ve seen some more posts about this conversation, and while for the most part I agree with a lot of what’s being said (and often on both sides of whether or not this was a good speech from Qrow) there’s one thing that I do want to address a little more that I think a lot of people aren’t aware of. 

In talking about this it’s important that we differentiate between having a problem with how we think the writers are going to use this speech to frame things, and having a problem with the fact that Qrow said what he said in the context of his current emotional state and grieving process. 

Do I think this was just amazing perfect writing and handling of Qrow expressing these feelings? Absolutely not. I have plenty of issues and really can’t say how I feel about it until I know where they are taking it/how they are using it to frame the entire situation.

Do I think it was just inherently awful callous dialogue that frames Clover as only important to Qrow because of his semblance and what that meant for Qrow/interaction with his semblance? 

Absolutely not. 

And that’s exactly where I have a bit of an issue. 

Because I totally understand people’s concern with that speech. And I have a very hard time right now trusting that CRWBY will handle it properly and not just use it to turn the narrative into blaming Clover. I don’t know if I trust them or not. I just don’t know. And that is deeply concerning. 

But the just surface of what Qrow said, without knowing how they will use it and further show his feelings, is not just the inherently awful thing I’m seeing some people take it as. And the reasons I’ve seen for people saying so, while completely valid things to take issue with in regards to CRWBY’s intentions in writing them, can’t just be blanket applied as issues with the fact that Qrow said them at all. (this is one of the things I feel fairly certain I’m not explaining well rn, and I’m just too tired to figure out. So I hope it at all makes sense).

My point is; depending on how things go from here on out, CRWBY may be completely wrong for why they included these lines and what they are having them mean. But Qrow, as a character, is not inherently wrong for having said or felt them. 

I can totally see why you would interpret these lines as concerning, and just plain poor takes on how to frame what happened in ch 12, and who to blame, and the nature of Clover’s importance to Qrow.. And like I said, it could very well be intended that way and negate everything I’m saying here. But by itself it’s not so black and white horrible. 

And this is exactly why I’m so nervous about how they handle Qrow’s grief. Because grief is a complicated thing. And what someone like me, who has processed a similar grief in a similar way, gets from this kind of scene can be very different to someone who hasn’t. And all of this said, I’m not trying to assume what anyone else has been through, or invalidate any grief, it’s very likely that others have dealt with a similar loss and feel very differently, or experienced their grief very differently. But, what I hope we all can agree on is that no one has the right to tell someone else they are grieving wrong. 

The thing about the kind of grief that Qrow is dealing with right now? It’s very rarely shown how people actually deal with it, especially in more than just one short scene. And if it is, it’s often romanticised and sterilized to be made into something easily understood by people who haven’t gone through anything like that. 

Because the truth is, this kind of grief is ugly. It’s complicated and contradicts itself. It can seem selfish and self absorbed. It is angry and reactionary. 

And it is very easy to say that what Qrow said is toxic or wrong. But it’s not. The intention the writers have in having him say it that way very well might be. But just what he said? 

Y’all that’s fucking grief. 

Fresh. Ugly. Messy. Angry. Confused. Tired. Grief. 

Healthy grief does not mean fair, clear headed, sensitive, open minded takes from the get go. 

Grief is incredibly flawed and unflattering.

And what concerns me is seeing people say it was outright terribly written dialogue, that was callous, and showed that Qrow didn’t really care about Clover beyond how he made him feel better about his semblance. 

Because when you’re grieving like that, one of the biggest fears is that people will tell you you are grieving wrong. That you’re being selfish. That you’re making it all about you. That somehow the way you are grieving proves that you didn’t really love the person as much as you thought. That if you just loved them more, if you were less selfish, if you were just a better person, you wouldn’t think those kinds of things.

And you internalise that shit. You internalise even just the fear of people thinking that. And that’s how people close up about their grief. That’s how people feel guilty for how they grieve. And that makes actually processing your grief and starting to heal so much harder, if not impossible. 

Qrow is still in the immediate aftermath of this loss. I’m awful with the exact timeline, but it’s what, like somewhere around 48 hours? With continued trauma going on around him. 

It is literally not possible for him to process everything fully like this.

The fact is that someone struggling with that kind of grief and trauma, and it having happened in a situation as complicated as what happened on the tundra (regardless of how terribly all of it was written), they’re going to say things that seem selfish. Or even victim blaming. Because they are processing. They are having to reconcile their own hurt and anger and grief and confusion. Fight between how they feel about the person they’ve lost, and their instinct to, in some way, protect themselves from a painful truth of how things really happened or who was to blame, or what mistakes they made. Even with Qrow accepting some of that blame, maybe even way more than he should, he’s still going to reflexively try to avoid taking parts of it that are particularly painful. I hate 90% of how people think of the stages of grief, mostly because they are not the clear linear thing that is often thought of. But this is the anger in a sense. It’s a protective lashing out. “If Clover had only!-” He wants to be angry, wants to be able to just say Clover was wrong, but as soon as he does he cuts himself off. He feels bad for trying to put the blame on Clover. That’s natural. 

Is it cool if CRWBY is trying to frame that as right? Fuck no. But the fact that Qrow is feeling it, is expressing it, is struggling with it back and forth? There is nothing wrong with that. 

Hell. Qrow even being able to say that it was his fault in some way, that he chose wrong in working with Tyrian, but then also stand firm in that he did not actually kill Clover, and apparently this is not the first time he’s said that. It might not be perfect. But the fact that he can even be there at this point is huge. 

I have said nearly exactly that same speech.  I said and thought things in the first week, even months, of my grief, that, even at the time, I knew were selfish. Were making everything about me. I hated myself for it. But I couldn’t stop it. And If I had tried? I wouldn’t have processed everything. I would have chastised myself for feeling things that I thought were wrong to feel. That’s not how you process grief. It’s how you get stuck in it. 

But the way Qrow looks at the pin? The way he pulls his thumb over it. The weak little laugh. The way he rushes to hide it. The fact that the first time we see him really asserting himself and his innocence is when Harriet threatens to take it from him. 

I know all of that. That exact expression, movement. 

He is so close to breaking. And he’s Qrow. He’s self conscious, self hating, isolating, Qrow. Talking about how this just confirms his own ideas of his position in relationships, his own fears about the danger of his semblance? That’s easy. That’s normal. It hurts like shit, but it’s manageable, he’s done it plenty of times before. Now it’s just a bit more raw. 

But flat out talking about the entire loss that was Clover? About their bond ,and who Clover was as a person, and his potential, his future? The loss that Clover experienced in having his life cut short? 

Maybe I’m shamelessly projecting again. But I truly do not believe that Qrow could manage to think, let alone talk, about that right this moment, and not completely break down. Which he knows he can’t afford to do yet. 

Talking about himself. About his semblance and what Clover meant to him in that regard. Is painful. It hurts. It’s heartbreaking. But it’s familiar. 

It’s angry. It’s small weak laughs because you are nowhere even close to okay but you can’t be as broken as you really are right now, so you’ve just got to stick it out.  

Qrow is Qrow. Regardless of whether the writers pull this off appropriately or not, I have no doubt that this man understands, and has thought long and hard, about autonomy. About the tragedy of how death strips every last shred of it from a person. About the cruelty of someone’s death not even being seen as about them. 

But right this moment, he can’t focus on that. There’s too much still to do. To worry about. To protect. 

Talking about Clover? Just as Clover? 

Facing that unfairness, that loss of autonomy, that stolen future (whether or not that future involved Qrow)? That is an entirely different kind of pain. 

I’m four years removed from my loss and I still can’t think about that too much because it’s physically painful. It’s irreconcilable. I can joke and laugh and be crass about how empty I worry my life will always be without Emma. But thinking, talking, about what I feel when I just sit with the fact that she’s not just not here with me, but she’s gone. All the things she never got to do or be or feel. The crushing cruelty of her having no say in how her story ended, or how she is remembered. I have made talking about my grief my career. And that is still something I have no words for. Thinking about it in those first few days? Is a large part of why I don’t remember so much of that time. It was too painful, so I just blocked it out. 

I said things. I thought things. I believed things. That were not fair. That were more about me and my pain than Emma. Hell, I know there were moments I was angry, and there wasn’t even anyone to try to blame for what happened. It was ugly emotion after ugly emotion. Bitterness piled upon bitterness. But that was part of the process. 

My point is. I totally understand if this speech makes you nervous. If you can’t trust the writers to turn it around into something good, that doesn’t frame it as Clover’s fault, or as Clover only being important to Qrow because of his semblance. 

But please know, that what Qrow actually said? Even if he was starting to blame Clover. Even if he was focusing only on how it hurt him because of his semblance. That is a natural part of grieving. It doesn’t matter if it would be an awful outlook for him to have at the end of everything. 

He’s not at the end. He’s processing. 

And outright saying that him saying that the semblance thing is what ‘really stings’, or being angry that Clover didn’t just listen to him, or anything else, is wrong and uncaring, isn’t fair. 

It might not be the right perspective. It might be blatantly wrong and unfair and self absorbed. But that’s okay. He’s not callous for that. 

His feelings about Clover, his respect for Clover, his grief over Clover’s death and the loss of his autonomy? None of that is diminished by him having moments where he wants to blame Clover, or where he focuses more on how this hurts him than how unfair it is for Clover. (again. I’m talking about just the surface of him saying this, not the intent and eventual narrative the writers have in doing it this way). 

I just want people to be careful as they talk about this. Because it’s valid. And both sides are valid in multiple ways. 

But please. Be careful in how you show your dislike for what you feel/fear the writers are going to do, and how you frame the issues with what Qrow said. 

Grief is an incredibly isolating thing. And when it’s fresh it’s so easy to feel horrible, to literally hate yourself, for the thoughts you have while processing your grief. 

We all want this to be handled properly, and we all are nervous about how bad it could be if it isn’t. But the last thing we need is people saying that Qrow is wrong or selfish for feeling and expressing what he is feeling, while he processes something so overwhelming and complicated as everything that is going on right now. 

It’s not fair to Qrow, but more importantly, it’s hurtful for everyone watching who has dealt with or is still dealing with these unpleasant, often shameful and seemingly vilified aspects of grief. 

There is no wrong or right way to grieve. There is nothing wrong with you for thinking things you normally wouldn’t, or for focusing on your own pain. The ugly parts of your grief do not mean you don’t care about the person you lost enough.

Just remember that the concern here should be about how the writers intend to use this speech. 

Not that Qrow said what he said. Those feelings can be wrong, unfair, selfish. But there’s nothing wrong with him for feeling that way right now. It doesn’t mean Clover meant anything less to him. 

It’s just grief. 

[chiwhorei]

hi im Sinner™ but my biggest fantasy rn is being endeavour's young second wife who he bless with gifts and his huge dick every day but im a dumb bimbo so when his sons definition of spending family time is just me getting filled up to the brim with todoroki cum i don't say anything i mean it's kind of strange but it's just some good old "family time" :3

Family Game Night

warnings: dark themes- okay this one is pretty dark under the cut, please read at your own discretion, includes: pseudo-incest, incest (the boys fuck you together but not each other), dubcon, cheating, blackmail, a little stalking, hard dom, rough sex, mentions of public sex

all characters are aged up, 18+ 

word count: ~800 i didn’t really proof read this either so there’s probably some errors

i’m just... sorry...

okay, so.. wow. haha.. i.. yes, let’s go there. I really had to stop myself from turning this into a full length 7k fic so if this turns out super long i’m really sorry

so while Endeavor is trying to go through his redemption arc ( he’s an asshole, but i am also a dumb bimbo and big beefy daddy can and would be allowed to ✨raw✨ me) he gets remarried and you are his sweet submissive lil trophy wife

you hang off of his arm at fancy dinners and events, and honestly no one is surprised that Enji remarried a woman the same age as his kids (and, who’s going to point that out to him? lol i value my head)

it’s honestly the life, fancy trips, lavish gifts, getting split in half on Enji’s cock every night

the only down side are the “family dinners” where your new husband’s sons look at you like they want to eat you alive

it would make sense that they dislike you, but that’s not really the vibe your getting, every time your eyes meet either Shoto or Natsuo’s it feels like they’re trying to undress you

the way that the two boys look at each is strange too, like they’re talking about something you aren’t privy to

after the boys meet you, they actually end up coming around more. they are both adults with their own live, but family dinners become a normal occurrence

enji is shocked that his sons are starting to warm up to him and his pretty new wife, it almost feels like a normal family

haha, almost

 it starts out small, Natsuo hugs you extra tight when he sees you ( you don’t see the taunting, almost sadistic smile he shoots his father when his hands wrap a little low on your waist)

Shoto, taking the lead of his older brother, starts touching you in seemingly innocent ways, like a lingering hand as he passes you or sitting close to you on the couch when their father is in the other room

and since you’re a dumb little bimbo you don’t really think too much of it all

one day you’re sitting at home, Enji is working late so you’re all alone at home wearing one of your husbands big shirts and a little pair of lacy panties, and you here the front door open

but it’s not enji that walks in.. it’s his sons

as soon as they see you in the doorway, bare legs and sweet curious eyes, their plan is in full swing

“You know y/n, our dear old dad’s always been a selfish man. I think it’s high time he learned how to share.” Natsuo says and as quickly as those sinfully intended words leave his mouth, the two men are on either side of you. You’re caged in by the two much larger men, both sets of eyes boring into you with a malicious fire. You’re confused, and a little scared, but mostly (and shamefully so) ridiculously turned on.

The Todoroki brothers put you in a lot of compromising positions that night on their fathers bed, and you’re fucked raw and completely stupid. you don’t know anything else but taking Todoroki cum down your throat, on your tits, and deep in your little cunny. You don’t even register the click of a camera as you’re getting ruined

that night, as enji is laying in bed next to your sleeping form, he gets a text from Shoto with a picture of his precious little wife covered in tears and cum

“Here’s how it’s going to go old man, Natsuo and I will play ‘well-adjusted family’ and not send these pictures to every news outlet in japan, and we get to fill your precious little fuck doll whenever we want.” 

so, definitely not a typical dynamic, but you’re too fucked stupid to really think about it too hard

and to the outside world, everything looks totally normal. Mr. Number 1 hero has a pretty little housewife and successful children 

what they don’t seem to notice, is the “friendly” way Shoto dances with you at a hero gala

what they don’t here are the disgusting things he whispers into the shell of your ear as his father is shmoozing with execs and other older pro’s

and they definitely don’t notice when you two disappear in the middle of dinner and return with a subtle sheen of sweat and a bruised ass cheek

now, this game has gone on for months at this point, but there’s one Todoroki son missing isn’t there? 

(in my church, Dabi is Toya Todoroki)

I headcannon that Dabi keeps tabs on his piece of shit father, so when he sees that he got a pretty new wife he is unreasonably irritated by it

he hates his father, obviously, and has played out plenty of revenge fantasies throughout the years, but when he’s watching the house and sees Natsuo leaving with with a half undone dress shirt and says goodbye to you with a slap on the ass well...

he’s got to get in on their family game night’s too

anyways, achem

amen 😇🙏🏽

Sinners Anonymous

[pepperful-qt]

Heyy can i please have some soft tsukkk content 🥺👉👈 like thise cutesy hcs where he sees you cry

finally some goddamn angst you're speaking my language rn you have no idea. Made this as a first time thing to give that extra👌👌somthin. love tsuks let's go

Genre: angst💧 to fluff☀️

Warnings: just general sad thoughts :(

Tsukishima Kei seeing you cry for the first time

you'd had deep conversations with Tsukki before, but raw emotion was something you hadn't encountered in your relationship yet. It just never came up, but it couldn't be avoided forever

tbh you were terrified to let him see you cry, and you felt horrible for it, because you did trust him but you had no idea how he'd react to that side of you, or rather, what you'd pictured wasn't good

it hadn't even been a bad day, that's the thing. It was just everything weighing down on you all at once that finally made it spill over

now you're able to get past it normally, push it down or tell yourself it's fine, then find a way to deal with your stress later. Really that "put a pin in it" attitude and then you never do get to it

you're not one to show these thoughts on your face either. Like Tsukki you distract from it with a snarky comment or bright smile, etc, and you even distract yourself

so you and Tsukki were hanging out in his room doing homework, and you'd been going out for a few months so it's not weird or anything

he is a perceptive guy, so he'd noticed your mood was off for a while, but when he'd asked earlier how you were you'd hit him with the "fine" and he assumed you'd tell him when you were ready nope

you had spent the last ten minutes on this single math problem, and no matter how much you tried you just couldn't figure it out and it just got to you, yknow? These thoughts in your head about how useless and dumb you were, spiraling irrationally into all these other bad thoughts

a shudder, a sniffle, a choked sob, whatever small thing it is, he notices right away

bc this mf is observant and attentive okay?

and he just freezes. and his mind just starts racing and lowkey freaking out? bc he'd never heard that sound from you and it stirred something in him

not in a good way. It was dread, and fear, and confusion

he just says your name, no emotion or anything, just an acknowledgement

"y/n?"

and then you freeze because shit of course he noticed

"y/n...are you crying?"

his voice is astoundingly even, after all he's good at masking his emotions too

your immediate reaction is brush it off and ignore

bc you'd never been vulnerable like this. tbh you really thought he'd be uncomfortable with such strong emotions, which is why you'd avoided talking with him about it. The last thing you wanted to do was make him uncomfortable

but oh boy is that about to change

so you shake your head, "I'm fine."

but oh, your voice breaks, and it's like the floodgates burst. That little bit of panic and stress pushed you over

and then Tsukki internally goes oh fuck

Honestly? It hurts him to see you cry, so so much, but seeing you try to hide it from him? Absolutely rips him apart

Did he do something? He goes through every little thing in his head overanalyzing and feeling worse and worse

he really spaces out for a moment bc he has no idea what to do. He's not a natural comforter by any means

"hey, what's wrong?"

"nothing"

"it's obviously not nothing"

"it doesn't matter" why are you even trying at this point

then he scoffs bc obv it does matter, or you wouldn't be crying over it.

and if it matters to you, it matters to him

but oOf that was the wrong reaction

bc you immediately think you've annoyed him,, so you just start packing your things to leave and you choke out

"I'm sorry"

and he breaks

tsukishima: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

"Don't--" He winces when it comes out harsher than he means and he takes a deep breath and walks over to you

and just wraps you in the biggest hug, pressing his face into your hair and you hear the softest, most gentle:

"don't... don't ever apologize"

and then you break fr fr

because this is something you never expected, and he's so warm

every reservation and fear you'd been holding onto with him falls apart and you cry into his chest lowkey feeling bad about his shirt

and he just holds you so tightly not saying anything, just being there, and it feels so good to have him there that even after you stop you just stand there for a while

when you finally do pull away he holds your face and wipes your cheeks with his thumbs, but your eyes are still on the ground

"look at me"

and when you do, you don't see pity, you see an expression of genuine love and concern for you, which is so foreign on him and simultaneously the most beautiful it makes you want to cry again

"look, you don't have to tell me what's wrong if you don't want to, but don't forget I'm here for you, dummy"

jokes on him, because you do tell him everything, just let everything out. As hesitant as you were in the beginning once you start you don't stop

and he's a great listener. Not the type of active listening where you say mhm and that sucks etc, but his eyes never leave you and he'll drop an occasional question to understand better and show he is paying attention

wraps you in a blanket and holds your hand the entire time

and you feel a bit silly for ever thinking he'd make fun of you or reject you

and it becomes a regular thing for you two to just check in on each other and vent so you don't bottle shit up, bc even if he denies it, he does the same thing

doesn't let you get away with it anymore, bc like hell he'd see you like that again. And though he's not one to cry, he does compartmentalize emotions but you make sure he talks through it

and honestly? your bond is so much stronger for it

crying for reasons like that becomes less of a frequent thing

but obviously shit happens

not even god can save any person that makes you cry oop

he's still awkward, but much more prepared, an absolute angel. You really brought out the soft side of this boy💕

bc his heart breaks every time your eyes so much as water

there's always little gestures of comfort when he listens to you

holding your hand and rubbing his thumb over your knuckles as a constant reminder he's there and listening

If it's possible sometimes he'll wrap you in a blanket again and let you lean on his shoulder

but in terms of hugs and stuff you usually initiate it bc he wants to respect your boundaries esp if you don't want to be touched at that moment

"Kei, can I...?" *gestures with arms*

he gives the most dramatic sigh but opens his arms anyway

oh yeah he's still a snarky little shit. will throw in a little tease every now and then bc he knows it makes you smile, but chooses his moments carefully so he doesn't step over the line

is the type to kiss your tears away aw

we love healthy communication <3

***

I hope that was soft and fluffy enough at the end🥺 still can't add read mores on mobile 😔😔

[snickiebear]

yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you. 

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them. 

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are. 

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok 

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. 

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn 

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL. 

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A. 

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip. 

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH. 

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about. 

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it. 

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it. 

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay. 

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time. 

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps. 

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing. 

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA  

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.” 

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic. 

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

[xoxoangel]

okay SO i wanted to share this snippet from what i’m writing rn , bc i want to post SOMETHING that’s writing LOLOL

*ahem ahem*

“I’m not good at these things, you know. But, I meant everything I said. You are special to me. So special. It kills me not to wake up next to you. Not seeing that familiar smile everyday, feeling your hand on mine, and especially those fucking puppy eyes,” The nomad could feel his heart beating like crazy, as she smiled into his chest. V used his other arm to pull her in an embrace, planting a kiss on her head.

“I really can’t promise you anything, Pan. But I do know one thing. If I ever have to choose between you or anything else, it’ll always be you.” The last sentence shattered the wall Panam had built. The wall that kept her heart safe for years, the one she grew so fondly of. Her heart was now starting to pound too, her stomach turning delightfully. Had this been a month or so ago, she would’ve looked up at him and asked if he meant it. But V’s voice was far from stable now, it was trembling. It never trembled. V had prided himself on his confidence, his stature. The ability to not break. The way he held himself together, but there was nothing of that left. V was unsteady. Vulnerable. Extremely vulnerable.

“And yes, that includes Night City.” V’s voice croaked, the woman could feel his lungs straining trying to keep his voice from breaking. Panam broke away, now looking at him with widened eyes. Her mocha eyes were starting to look shiny—maybe even a little watery. V’s eyebrows raised high, as if they were about to float away. Panic flashed over his face, tilting his head down looking confused. His eyes frantically scanned Panam’s face, absolute terror in his eyes. The woman’s lips turned into a gradual smile, although her eyes still watering.

“You.. fucking gonk,” Her voice shook with disbelief, slamming his chest with her fist, except for once it wasn’t with force.

“You have to be kidding.” But V shook his head, still in panic mode. He was confused on whether or not he upset her, wiping away a tear about to fall with his finger.

“I want to come with you, Pan. When you leave.” His look of worry turned into a nervous grin, his eyes still looking haunted.

“Don’t want me to move in?” He joked wearily. Panam just smiled at him fondly, tearfully admiring him. She’d forgotten just how beautiful he really was to her. The light from the fireplace highlighted his bruise that covered his right eye and bottom lip, the purple now turning into more of a orange. But V was most beautiful to her when his eyes were on hers. When his warm, almost black eyes reminiscent of her coffee in the morning met hers. When he’d smile, and it was as bright as the moon looking over the desert. The annoyingly charming half smirk he gave her, the exact same look she’d only seen him give when he looked in the sky.

Maybe V had always been there, always been that comfort she desperately craved. The comfort that wasn’t temporary, the kind hidden in plain sight. It was never set nor sure, but always a guarantee that it will be okay. V had become an unconventional love, but it was the right love. The epic kind. She realized that even if—god, she hated even contemplating the idea. Even if V would die, he would live on. In her coffee, in the moon, and along the stars. He would watch over her, right next to Ursa Major. Right next to their constellation. There was an old Aldecaldo saying—“She who lives in the hearts of her loved ones can never truly die.” In this very moment, she couldn’t even grasp the concept of an Afterlife. Hell is real, that was for certain. Night City was hell. But what about heaven? What’s the need for heaven when heaven is on Earth with V? When heaven is her hands, tangled in his thick curls? When heaven is his lingering hand on hers, and his goofy laugh ringing in her ears?

Panam snapped out of her thoughts, as V just zoned out into the distance, at least his eyes had some color now. She assumed he was having another conversation with Johnny. Speak of the devil— Johnny was right behind V, his hands on top of the younger mans shoulders.

“That was some heavy shit, V. God, I think you’re in love.” There was an ounce of disgust from that statement, but even bigger ounce of worry. Normally, V would deny. Deny, deny, deny. Love wasn’t for him—for people like him. The merc was strict to his one night stands, anything more meant eventual heartbreak.

But Panam was different, he really did believe she was special. He wasn’t sure what love was—what it meant, really. Sure, he knew what it entailed. He’d even sit through the cheesy Hallmark movies, and read all the novels that Johnny swore was the product of satan. But V had never understood the feeling. The insects in his stomach—corny music swelling when he saw the so-called “one” (although considering he heard Johnny’s voice in his head, music probably wouldn’t be far off). That changed as soon as he’d meet Panam. Not exactly love at first sight, but when he really met her. When she downed a bottle of beer in like half a minute, or when she told him about the time the entire clan made her try weed for the first time and she fell off a big ass rock. Especially, the story about her doing drunk karaoke to ABBA.

Yeah, the ABBA one particularly pulled at his heartstrings. But, he really would be an absolute idiot not to acknowledge the non-cheesy aspects of their relationship too. Panam had done more than just help V find Hellman. She gave him a family, and one that wasn’t absent. A very real, raw family that laughed together, cried together, and protected each other. They’d accept V, despite it taking some time. In turn, V wanted to protect them. The nomad woman had given him something that was so unconventional—so unique. A family was something that took years to make, and the woman gave him a real good one in just a few months.

Maybe their love wasn’t strictly romantic. It was unconditional, and felt everlasting. Perhaps, they had been in love with each other long before attraction even came into play. There was something unique in their auras. As if they’d known each other longer, a familiar presence. The merc pondered the concept of soulmates. Once again, he was not one to believe in that type of thing. But he could’ve swore he’d seen her before— or felt her energy before. The orange-red warmth that he could only compare to the sun, the desert, and the exact warmth he felt in his body when Panam had showed him Ursa Major. V realized that just now, it didn’t really matter what came of their relationship. Whether they were a couple or simply just best friends. At the end of the day, she’d become bound to him already. The bind was more than enough for V.

[trensu]

Episode 48: The One where JGY and SS Host a Pity Party and Everyone Wishes They Hadn't

The show just dunks us right into yunmeng bro feelings again

jc's all should i get on my knees and thank you?

and wwx is like i never wanted your thanks

and now jc is just spilling his insecurities all over the place

Blah wwx was always better than him blah blah everyone liked wwx more blah blah DADDY ISSUES blah blah blah

and wwx just looks more and more hurt as all this bitterness is pouring out of his little brother 😞

i mean even jl was like hey uncle, maybe don't do that???

lwj is glaring at jc the whole time ofc

and jc gets so mad he tries to start a physical fight EVEN THO HE HAS A GAPING STAB WOUND IN THE CHEST

which is actually quite hilarious if you ignore how utterly heartbreaking the yunmeng bros relationship is

thankfully jl and lxc hold him back (not that he could've gone very far bc again GAPING STAB WOUND)

and ofc lwj has to throw in his two cents

lwj: clan leader jiang. Discretion

oh lwj, a man of few words

Oh no, ohno, oh nooooo, jc’s starting on their oath oh god

“YOU SAID THAT I WOULD BE THE CLAN LEADER AND YOU WOULD BE MY SUBORDINATE. YOU WOULD ASSIST ME FOR LIFE”

“SO WHAT IF THE TWIN JADES OF GUSU ARE THERE. WE WERE THE TWIN HEROES OF YUNMENG”

*GROSS SOBBING*

CAN I TOO GET A GAPING STAB WOUND IN THE CHEST BC I'M PRETTY SURE THAT WOULD HURT LESS

OH GOD WWX'S EYES ARE ALL RED

"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING. YOU TREAT ME LIKE A LITTLE FOOL."

OH THIS HURTS SO MUCH

that last bit, tho. i can't even hold that against him bc wwx DID lie to him. he DID neglect to trust him and his judgement. 

he took jc's choice away and made it for him, and that's not cool. 

and, like, i get it, I do bc i would probably want to do the same thing wwx did if i were in a similar situation with my own siblings

BUT STILL

jc: shouldn't i hate you? can't i hate you?

WHICH REALLY JUST TELLS ME THAT HE DOESN'T HATE WWX

HE WOULD NOT BE THIS TORN UP, THIS TEARFUL MESS, IF HE DIDN'T STILL LOVE HIS BROTHER AND WANT HIM BACK

this whole time jc is inching towards wwx, getting closer and closer until he's close enough to punch him if he wanted

Jc does make a sudden sharp movement towards wwx 

Which obvs has lwj jolting forward to protect wwx

But wwx IMMEDIATELY puts a hand on lwj's knee

jin ling darts forward to hold his uncle and is like, hanguang jun, my uncle's hurt!!

BC JC IS THE ONLY NOT EVIL AND/OR DEAD FAMILY HE HAS LEFT 

AND EVEN JL KNOWS THAT LWJ IS SO VERY WILLING TO HURT ANYONE WHO HURTS WWX

I AM HAVING TOO MANY EMOTIONS

jc's angry and hurting and is like i'm not afraid of lwj, come at me bro

lwj GLARES at him, brow furrowed and mouth pinched

jc: why? why wwx? why didn't you tell me?

oh god, he's not even yelling anymore, he's just fucking crying and i'm crying and there's just wet icky tears everywhere

wwx takes a shuddery breath and tells him it's bc he didn't want to see him like this

JC: you said i would be clan leader and you would be my subordinate. you would assist me for life. you'd never betray the jiang clan. you said it yourself

HE'S NOT YELLING. HE'S NOT EVEN ANGRY

his voice is weak, and shaky, and weepy and he's just so, so hurt

AND I'M A SOBBING MESS

and wwx swallows passed the lump in his throat but his voice still sounds a bit raw when he speaks

wwx: i'm sorry. i broke my promise.

FUCK 

FUCKING HELL

MY YUNMENG BROS

jc: we've reached this point. i don't need your apology now. i'm not that delicate

STFU JC, YOU BALD-FACED LIAR, "NOT THAT DELICATE" 

YOU'RE AS MUCH OF A SOBBING WRECK RN AS I AM

GET A THERAPIST JC

"NOT THAT DELICATE" I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE IS WHAT I'M GONNA DO. GOD. NOT THAT DELICATE

JC: i'm sorry

*sobsobsobsob* MY YUNMENG BROS

wwx: don't apologize to me. that's what i owed the jiang clan.

here wwx closes the distance between them to place a hand on his brother's arm

HUG HIM GOD DAMN IT, LET MY YUNMENG BROS HAVE A PROPER HUG

wwx: as for this matter, please don't keep it in your heart.

and he goes on to say smth like i know you probably won't let go, but it's water under the bridge, that was all stuff that happened in my past life

AND THEN HE REACHES UP AND GENTLY WIPES AWAY JC'S TEARS WITH HIS THUMB

AND GIVES HIM A SWEET LITTLE SMILE

AND I'M DYING. MY HEART HURTS SO MUCH I'M DYING

I SHOULD'VE KEPT A BOX OF TISSUES NEAR ME, MY SLEEVES ARE ALL SNOTTY AND DISGUSTING NOW, DAMN IT ALL

AND THAT WAS ONLY THE FIRST 10 MIN OF THE EPISODE WTF

I’VE BEEN REDUCED TO A SNIFFLING WEEPING MESS IN 10MIN FLAT WTF 

yunmeng bro moment ends (thank god) and we cut to the next scene where nhs is oh so conveniently regaining consciousness

now all the diggers are screaming to remind us that oh yeah, there's like Plot Stuff here, it's not just about the yunmeng bros

ss gives jgy some meds bc he's hurt or smth, who gives a damn

our boys follow jgy back to the dig site for Plot Reasons

and SURPRISE!! we have nmj's no-longer-headless dead body!!

lwj and wwx look at each other like WTF??

oooooh boy, nhs gave jgy the dirtiest look

wwx is being Clever again and pointing out Plot Relevant Things 

ss gets all offended and holds wwx at sword point 

but there's lwj with bichen in its scabbard, one step in front of him and ready to block anything ss sends their way bc lwj is not gonna let wwx get hurt if he can help it

ss is all like wwx you set him up! And wwx’s face is like, i aint even bovvered

wwx: i'm saying this with all modesty, but if i were the one who set him up, i'm afraid he wouldn't have just gotten one arm hurt

HOT DAMN

LOVE MY SUNSHINE BOY

and here my sunshine boy is being all Clever again and laying out all the facts and explaining how there's a 3rd party involved in all this

LOLOLOL HE'S REALLY PLAYING THIS UP FOR JGY TOO

he's like, there might be a predator behind you, the guy who's been spying on you this whole time...HE MIGHT NOT EVEN BE HUMAN

oh wwx, so Dramatic™

but hey it's working bc jgy looks spooked as hell

LOLOLOL

HE SEES JGY START FREAKING OUT AND HE LOOKS OVER TO LWJ AND GRINS AT HIM LIKE, HEY LAN ZHAN, SEE WHAT I DID, LOL, I SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS LOSER, DID YOU SEE? 

oh, now wwx and jc are bound by the wrists but not lwj, for some reason? 

Which, rude, why deny lwj the chance to be tied up? Let him try new experiences! What if he likes to be tied up? 

NOW HE’LL NEVER KNOW BC YOU DIDN’T LET HIM TRY IT

jgy and ss have a moment that i don't care about but i have to mention it

bc RIGHT AFTER we see our precious beautiful sunshine boy lean WAY into lwj's space to talk shit about them

like, seriously, just a couple inches more, and wwx would be resting his cheek on lwj's shoulder 

IT'S WONDERFUL AND I WISH HE'D GET EVEN CLOSER

shockingly, lwj is NOT as distracted as i would be having wwx that close 

bc he's studying ss and SUDDENLY SEES HE'S GOT THE HUNDRED-HOLES CURSE ON HIM 

which btw, EWW?? THAT'S THE GROSSEST THING EVER 

I REALLY WISH THEY'D STOP SHOWING IT SO MUCH BC IT MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL

he tells ss to turn around to get a better look and wwx sees it too!! he's like, IT WAS YOU!!!

and for the audience's benefit, nhs goes to lxc and is all what's going on???

lxc and jc gives some exposition about blah blah blah stuff we know about already

amidst all this we keep getting shots of wwx looking stunned and hurt (but still oh-so-beautiful)

wwx: jgy, i didn't do anything against you back then. we were not even that familiar. you wanted to kill jzx. why did you push that on me?

HE LOOKS SO HURT AND ANGRY AND CONFUSED BC WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE HIM? WHY DID JGY HAVE TO USE HIM??

and lwj is watching wwx while he shouts this and god how can he stand watching his soulmate be hurt over and over and over again?? HOW DOES HE COPE?

jgy does a mini Rant of Evil Explanation and ss does a rant about classism

which, if said by literally anybody else, i'd say hm, yes, you have a point 

but bc it's said by ss, a spineless coward who never takes responsibility for his own actions, i'm like STFU SS

omg lolololol

ss: would i have been swept out of lan clan like a pile of leaves [if I were highborn]??

AND ICE PRINCE LWJ ANSWERS ALMOST BEFORE SS COULD FINISH ASKING

lwj: Yes.

AND THEN HE LOOKS SS DEAD IN THE EYE

lwj: betrayers won't be tolerated by the lan clan

HELL FUCKING YEAH

YOU WEREN'T KICKED OUT BC YOU WERE LOW-BORN, SS

YOU WERE KICKED OUT BC YOU'RE A TRAITOROUS COWARD

and like, i need to point out that lwj is sitting cross legged on the ground right now (along with wwx, ofc) and ss is standing over him while ranting

and YET, the way lwj holds himself and the way he speaks, does in no way indicate that he's at a disadvantage here

dude's unflappable. JADE OF LAN, INDEED

ss is like i am so sick of your condescending attitude

then he's like just bc i made that one little mistake you could never forgive me!!

FUCKING EXCUSE ME??? 

LITTLE? LITTLE MISTAKE??? 

HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED BC OF YOU SS?

HOW MANY DIED BC YOU BETRAYED THEM??

ss continues to rant and starts to go off his rocker

and then wwx starts to laugh but it's not a happy laugh

it is, in fact, a laugh very similar to the laugh we heard in The One where the Moonlit Rooftop Betrays Us

ss is like, what's so funny???

wwx: nothing. i just didn't expect...

AND HE'S GETTING TEARY HERE EVEN AS HE LAUGHS

WWX: i didn't expect you to get so many people killed just for...just for this

HE LOOKS SO DISILLUSIONED

MY POOR PRECIOUS SUNSHINE BOY

THE WORLD KEEPS DISAPPOINTING HIM

omg i want to RING JGY'S NECK WITH ZIDIAN

HE'S GETTING ALL UP IN WWX'S FACE

TELLING HIM THAT NO MATTER HOW KIND OR CHIVALROUS HE IS, HE WILL ALWAYS BE BLAMED FOR ANY BAD THING THAT HAPPENS, THAT NO ONE WILL EVER BELIEVE OR TRUST HIM

FUCK YOU JGY I HATE YOU SO MUCH

MY POOR SUNSHINE BOY IS TREMBLING WITH RAGE

bc he knows it's true. ppl really ARE always going to suspect the yiling patriarch.

oooh, jc just defended his brother! sort of.

But it has the unfortunate side effect of drawing jgy’s attention

so now jgy is cutting into jc

god jgy talks a lot. stfu jgy.

wwx has been teary eyed on and off this entire episode so far but hasn't actually cried

but jgy is now belittling all of jc's work, all the effort he put in to rebuilding lotus pier, implying that he wouldn't have been able to do if not for wwx

and that's the breaking point, that's what makes wwx finally shed a tear.

lwj is watching wwx, as always, and sees wwx cry

he must feel utterly helpless

ooooh, MY CLEVER SUNSHINE BOY

EVEN AMIDST ALL THIS TERRIBLE EMOTIONAL PAIN, HE PICKED UP ON JGY'S TRIGGER WORD(S)

wwx: just a "son of a whore" made you talk so much

oooh jgy tries to leave but wwx stops him in his tracks by asking him how he killed nmj

and then he's like "aren't you afraid?"

CHILLS, MAN, I'M GETTING CHILLS AT HOW HE DELIVERS THIS

SO CALM, COOL AND COLLECTED YET TINGED WITH A THREAT

jgy: afraid of what? (lol he whirls around angrily like the Drama queen he is)

wwx leans forward and looks him dead in the eye

wwx: afraid of him coming back to you

AND THE SMIRK HE WEARS

THAT'S THE SMIRK OF THE YILING PATRIARCH 

He smirks and leans back against the pillar, all easy and relaxed while jgy looks freaked the fuck out

and then

THEN

WWX STARTS TO WHISTLE

RESENTFUL ENERGY COMES IN TO STROKE AT JGY'S ARM ALL MENACINGLY

I'M GETTING CHILLS ALL OVER 

THIS IS SUCH A BADASS MOVE ON WWX'S PART

and also, holy shit do i enjoy those close up shots of wwx's eyes and his beautiful beautiful lips

the sound team did a great job making those whistles sound super eerie, btw

i can't get over how cool and confident wwx looks here

he's not worried or bothered AT ALL, this is him doing what he does best

Wait, do i have a competency kink…?

LOL JGY JUST GOT BITCHSLAPPED BY RESENTFUL ENERGY, LOVE IT

wwx has stopped whistling now, which is unfortunate bc that means no more extreme close-ups on wwx's gorgeous features

jgy: yiling patriarch, you're worthy of your title, aren't you?

YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT HE IS!

Okay yeah, i guess i have a competency kink now, THANKS A LOT WWX

FUCKING SU SHE JUST TRIED STABBING WWX

LWJ TO THE RESCUE, HELL YEAH

OUR MAN HANGUANG JUN LEAPS TO HIS FEET AND NOT ONLY BLOCKS THE STRIKE

HE FREAKING SLICES SU SHE'S WEAK ASS SWORD IN TWO 

THEN FOLLOWS UP WITH A SLICE AT SU SHE'S WRIST

I LOVE YOU HANGUANG JUN

Lwj calmly goes over to wwx and slices off the ropes that were keeping his wrists tied and does the same to jc

wwx goes up to jgy (who's held at sword point by lxc) and calmly takes his weapons

wwx: jgy, hand it over. it's not of much use in your hands.

with a deceivingly dainty clink, Plot Device 3 rolls out of jgy's sleeve and into his hand

then he lets it fall to the ground bc he's a petty bitch that way

we get to see wwx being all Smart Detective and revealing just how long jgy has been planning all this 

jgy’s all like even between me and xy we could only create Plot Device 3 half as powerful as Plot Device 2

LOLOL THAT'S BC THE TWO OF YOU ARE WORTHLESS HACKS.

WWX HAS MORE SKILL AND TALENT IN HIS PINKY FINGER THAN THE BOTH OF YOU COMBINED

man there's a lot of Plot Exposition happening and lxc is having Feelings about it.

DON'T FUCKING LOWER YOUR SWORD LXC WHAT ARE YOU DOING

look lxc, i don't mean to sound cruel or heartless or whatever, but omg i do NOT CARE about your complicated Emotions right now

NOT WHEN IT'S GIVING JGY THE OPENING TO MANIPULATE AN ESCAPE

jgy is now being like "oh, i was wrong" and acting all pitiful and TOTALLY PLAYING LXC FOR A FOOL (AGAIN)

wwx: hey, jgy, can't we stop talking? let's just fight? can we just start killing each other?

LOLOLOLOLOL 

HE TOTALLY SAW THAT JGY WAS MANIPULATING THE SITUATION AGAIN AND IS LIKE, NOPE, NOT DOING THAT AGAIN

LESS WORDS MORE SWORDS PLZ

LIKE, MY BOY IS JUST DONE. HE IS DONE WITH THIS. LET'S GET TO THE FIGHT NOW THX.

jgy ignores this and keeps talking to lxc AND OMG WWX'S FAAAAACE IS CRACKING ME UP 

GOD WORDS ARE NOT GONNA DO IT JUSTICE

HE JUST LOOKS AT JGY FOR A SECOND LIKE, SRSLY BRO? BEFORE ROLLING HIS EYES AND SCRUNCHING UP HIS EYEBROWS LIKE "CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS GUY, JFC"

IT'S SO FREAKING FUNNY OMG

meanwhile jgy continues to throw a pity party that no one likes and the episode ends

There really wasn’t much wangxian time in this episode, fucking jgy and ss decided to HOG ALL THE SCREEN TIME, THOSE PATHETIC WHINY ASSHOLES

but we got a lot of Yungmeng Bros which was painful but waaaay better than anything jgy or ss has to offer

Return to Masterpost

[la-paritalienne]

hellooooo 🍭 how are you?? Just letting you know your fans are waiting for your usual song by song review for Chemtrails 😇 if you want to do one!!!! Xx

😍😭 omgggg this is long overdue :((( i’ve been neglecting my tumblr for a series of reasons – some of which regrettable – and i can’t believe this slipped my mind! please let me know if you see it and thank you for asking. i’m always amazed that someone cares. without further ado!

white dress: i looooove this as an opening track, the breathy voice is perfect and the song sets the tone for the whole album, both vocally and lyrically. the chorus is super catchy and got stuck in my head from the first listen (which was before the album came out hehe), i adore the look how i do this, look how i got this part. downatthemaninmusicbusinessconferece kinda makes me laugh but at the same time it’s iconic and different. also, i wish i could keep this for myself but i feel compelled to say that the way she sings down in orlANdo reminds me of sweet brown’s i got bronCHithis fgkgkkg so yeah funny AND iconic sums it up.

fave lyrics: ‘cause it made me feel, made me feel like a god / kinda makes me feel like maybe i was better off

8,5/10

chemtrails over the country club: this was by far my fave single, although i wasn’t obsessed w it at first as i got after listening to it within the album. from the first line, it just makes your stomach twist in that bittersweet way. i love the laid back production, the lyrics are poignant and gorgeous (there’s nothing wrong contemplating god, i’m not unhinged or unhappy i’m just wild) and i adore how mundane stuff meets poetic imagery, plus the astrology references... not to mention how brave it is to wanna share those placements (jk, no hate). the different vocals, the falsetto, the layering... it’s just so good. also this might be an unpopular opinion but i think the title is genius and i absolutely support this as a title track.

fave lyrics: you’re in the wind, i’m in the water / nobody’s son, nobody’s daughter

9/10

tulsa jesus freak: this was my fave from the first seconds, it’s stunning, bittersweet, i loooove the production (the little autotune over hurry up gives me chills). i can’t even comment properly because i love everything about it.

fave lyrics: like a little piece of heaven, no more candle in the wind

10/10

let me love you like a woman: i think the opening promises more than what the song delivers, especially the chorus is maybe a bit underwhelming? but tbh after a few listens it grew on me too, i love the high notes and the lyrics are sweet. the first line remains my fave part tho, the way she delivers it... also the verses in general, simple and honest and kind of bratty (i guess i could manage if you stay / its just if you do, i can’t see myself having any fun, so), i can’t not love it.

fave lyrics: talk to me in songs and poems / don’t make me be bittersweet

8+/10

wild at heart: this one gives me old lana vibes, like somewhere between ultraviolence and honeymoon, especially the verse – i’m just obsessed w it. the chorus sounds a lot like some other songs of hers, maybe a little too much for me to enjoy it completely (esp mariner’s apartment complex, her vocal runs sound exactly the same??). anywayyy it’s just a very beautiful song. at first i wasn’t particularly bewildered by this album, like i recognised quality but that was it, but after a few listens i have to say it’s impressive how consistently good the songs are.

fave lyrics: i love you lots like polka dots / you’re killing me more

8-/10

dark but just a game: the hidden gem of the album, competes w tulsa jesus freak for the n.1 spot in my heart, actually maybe it holds it rn, i’m just stunned by it. it almost sounds like lizzy grant’s repertoire, but with lana’s maturity and nonchalance. simply a gorgeous reflection on fame. both musically and lirically i just find it impeccable.

fave lyrics: life is sweet or whatever baby

10/10

not all who wander are lost: ok this might be my least fave (spoiler: with the cover), it’s pretty and the lyrics are good, maybe slightly basic? and it just doesn’t stick w me, it kinda sounds like a poem slightly sung? the background music is maybe too feeble and there’s no memorable melody, if it makes sense. however, the look at me, look at you part elevates it quite a bit. (i mean, it’s no ‘how you like that’, but i liked it)

fave lyrics: the thing about men like you is you got a lot to say / but will you stay?

7-/10

yosemite: another not-fave, maybe this and the previous ones kinda feel like fillers to me, like for my taste, i like them and would never skip them if listening to the whole album, but they wouldn’t make a separate playlist. however, the chorus of this is kind of catchy, although the metrics in we did it for the right reasons kind of bug me, idk why! i also find the song a bit too long and monotone! yes to the candle in the wind reference (again!) tho.

fave lyrics: isn’t it cool how nothing here changes at all?

7/10

breaking up slowly: up there w tjf and dark but just a game. why the fuck isn’t nikki lane credited???? she is insane, when she opens she sounds like stevie nicks and her armonies w lana are perfect. the lyrics are simply heartbreaking and the country feel of it all is unexpected and fresh within the album. love love love

fave lyrics: we might be breakin’ up after this song

10/10

dance ‘till we die: spoiler alert, this song kind of bored me until the rock break??? iconic????? it’s still not my fave bc the verses are a bit too slow and unremarkable to me, but That Part just levels everything up.

fave lyrics: but sometimes, this ranch feels like my only friend / and life doesn’t always work out like we planned / we keep it movin’, babe

7,5/10

for free: i love both weyes and zella, although i find the mix of them + lana a bit confusing, like individually i can tell them all apart, but none of them brings the rawness and contrast w lana that other features of hers did (nikki, stevie!!!). also im sorry joni but i really don’t like this song?? maybe the original is amazing and im an ignorant for not knowing it and it was them who made it so boring and lamentous? idk. anyway. it’s a cover so idk if the vote is more for the song or for the production and adaptation or what but yeah. strong lyrics of course, but this is my opinion on this version of it

fave lyrics: and i’ll play if you’ve got the money / or if you’re a friend to me / but the one-man band by thе quick lunch stand / he’s been playin’ real good for free

6-/10

sooo overall i really loved it and some of the songs i particularly liked are among her best ever to me, though that’s like 100 songs by now so, quite a big list. what did you think? again, thank you for caring and sorry for the delay ❤️❤️❤️❤️