#but right now?
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I canāt believe in 30 minutes my alarm is going to go off and Iām going to have to go about getting ready for work and fill out silly little spreadsheets and interact with colleagues and clients like itās just another day.
#been up since 2#started off numb/gutted and now I canāt stop crying#I see all your posts about hope and keeping fighting and donating#and I see and respect all that and Iāll get there#but right now?#I have never felt more devoid of hope#this has been the worst fucking year for me in so many ways and this is justā¦ā¦..#fuck
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My favorite thing about getting into a fandom thatās active and popping is that my dashboard will be a constant deliverer of the most incredible art and fiction known to man and I was here to witness it
#not art#these last few weeks have been such an emotional rollercoaster yall#Iāve been struggling with art block and/or burnout (as in if it wasnāt one it was the other but often both at the same time) all year#actually all year AND the last few years#but right now?#fuck. right now I feel ALIVE
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I could be attaching the lining already but here I am making pockets instead. I will thank myself later for making sure my cosplay has pockets.
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Feeling some type of way tonight.
Really just want to be the little spoon, snuggle up under cozy blankets, and fall asleep.
#moments like this hit and Iām like yeaaahhhh time to join the apps again#and then I wake up and go āfuck thatā#but right now?#right now I want to trace imaginary patterns on someone with my finger tips#share silly stupid stories#and fall asleep next to another human#Amanda rants#hi vulnerability is uncomfortable
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I don't know anymore. I just don't.
I know that you should block those you know you just won't get along with, or have very conflicting views that just won't work well if you interacted with them.
I mean sure, they might be like that now but what if they changed? What if i blocked them now because they thought that people like me deserve the worst even when my views are as complicated at theirs?
Don't they have real problems to deal with that fight people on the internet? Why criticise when we can just tolerate?
Don't you have like, i don't know, rent, jobs, and other real world problems that matter more than this? Why do you care more for these fictional characters that you are so willing to hurt real people for?
But what if they changed? What if they've matured and grown enough that they no longer hold those views? Would we get along then? But i blocked them.
I wouldn't know, and i'm certainly glad they won't be able to interact with me now while they hold the views that will certainly hurt me. But maybe we could've been friends.
Maybe if i had a bit of hope for them that they'd change and just didn't press that block button we would talk and sympathise and try to understand each other.
Just maybe.
#ā!#If you're wondering#yes#this is about fandom discourse#prominently about shipping and how volatile people have become towards one another for the past years#i am just so tired of it.#i am an optimistic person.#and i know people can change for the better.#but right now?#i am unsure.#this year has been very tiring#please let rest and have fun on the internet again#i miss those times.
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Just a heads-up that I'm on a med that's really fucking with me atm, and I keep finding I'm forgetting things in great swaths, so if I haven't responded to stuff, my brain is just an idiot rn and I'm so sorry
#I'm not always the best at responding in general#But right now?#Brain cells who???#OUGH#Yadda yadda
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Have to wake up in 3h30 but still stayed up to finish bingin dead friend forever, we are truly making brilliant decisions in this house.
(I have no regrets i enjoyed every minute of it š)
#yeh i'll cry about it tomorrow when when the conse will quences or something#but right NOW?#šš»šš»#expecting the whole bunch to fucking die by the end of it please and thank youuuu ā”ā”ā”#dead friend forever#for archiving purposes
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Thinking about Andy Warhol, do not disturb
#I will fix my follows when I feel like moving to my laptop#but right now?#I read the word balloon#and Iām thinking about the Warhol Museum
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oh we are so back
#swinging between this and itās over until the very final minute of the last episode of succession#but right now?#weāre so back
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i became a long sword main in MHR and I choose to blame Soshiro Hoshina and Kaiju No.10's fight with Kaiju No. 12, because that shit looks rad as hell
#monster hunter#monster hunter rise#kaiju no. 8#soshiro hoshina#kaiju no. 10#i still kinda stink at it but like#whatever#it looks neat#i'll probably go back to sword n shield down the line#but right now?#just sorta fucking around
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I was just about to write a very nice review on the fallout show. Yeah it got a couple of things wrong and had an annoying romance subplot but you know for what it was it was good.
Spoilers Below:
But then I watched episode 8. Holy shit the question of who dropped the bombs was not a Schrƶdingerās cat box that needed to be opened, someone find me that tumblr post on it because that says it better than I could. But the theory that Vault-Tec dropped the bombs at least understandable as a theory you know? But the way they did it? The constant mentions of an upcoming peace treaty being the catalyst for what Vault-Tec did? Because of course, it wasnāt all of humanityās faults, it was just a group of evil capitalists! Which, yeah anti-capitalism is one of the biggest themes of the series, but itās criticism of capitalism as a SYSTEM, not of individuals. And speaking of which, why was Mr. House there? Mr. House is an evil son of a bitch but he was evil in a way that wouldnāt match up with him working with Vault-Tec at all. And donāt get me started on how they tried to use āwar never changesā for that scene. Seriously, fuck that reveal.
And then the NCR? Iām not surprised the NCR fell apart, Iām not some kind of NCR fanboy, but the way they fell apart, actually no they didnāt just fall apart, they were changed into a completely different faction. Calling them some sort of radical raider group thatās fighting against the status quo? Iām sorry? The NCR thatās biggest flaw was its desperate attempt to hold on to the pre-war society that caused the bombs to drop in the first place? No. How do you miss the point that badly oh my god.
Now, if youāll excuse me, Iām on my way to play New Vegas and scream into the void.
#fallout#fallout spoilers#i swear i wanted to be nice#and you know maybe after iāve mellowed out iāll be nicer#but right now?#im angry out of my mind
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erika girardi my beloved <3
#im only at the start of s10#so i dont know#but right now?#she's my absolute fave#unapologetically herself#i feel like she's closest to me personality wise#erika jayne#erika girardi
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Where is all this productivity coming from???
#/god's warning\#I chugged some shankhpushpi like I used to do when I was in school during exam season just for fun lmao#I used to think it just made me smarter#BUT RIGHT NOW?#I am so productive oh my god#I can finish these assignments in no time#i can feel it
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yeosang been looking too damn fine here lately
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i am almost thankful that my advisor has been such a bitch about this [i have been fighting to waive this stupid ass waste of my life course since last semester when i had to sign up for it, and only just TODAY managed to get him to tell me WHO TO EMAIL to get the form to do so]
because heās made me so fucking angry and petty that i have drafted a 4-page document defending my request that directly cites the syllabus and has screenshots of my private lesson mix sessions which teach me the topic just fine labeled EXHIBIT A and EXHIBIT B. like if my advisor WASNāT such a bitch about this i would have probably not gone so hard on the form. but since he made such a fucking big deal about forcing me to take this stupid ass class, i am drafting a petition that should be nigh impossible to deny. iām getting testimonials from other students in this bitch. iām having my lesson teacher sign off on it. go fuck yourself [advisor name redacted]
#my advisor has somehow not yet learned that i will fistfight him over shit that pisses me off#personal#if it still gets denied after all this ill figure out what to do then#but right now?#im operating on the belief that I CAN AND WILL GET THIS SHIT WAIVED
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fighting demons (being an insane hater at every other contestant except fruit while watching mcc)
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