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lightaflametoburnmethrough · 3 years ago

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A Study of YunaAki Analysis #3 - Healing & Choice

Akiho and Kaito.

I’ve talked about their characters separately in these two analysis posts and now I think it’s time I did one focusing on their relationship as well.

And frankly, you’d have to be very shallow-minded and stupid to not acknowledge that their story IS all about acceptance and consent.

(also, please note the ENG version of Clear Card has a lot of translation errors. Read the JPN version or meimi-haneoka’s summaries of the chapters for the correct narrative)

Acceptance especially because it reinforces the authors’ message on love: it’s not about WHAT a person is but WHO they are to you personally that matters the most.

Let’s start with a quick review.

Akiho and Kaito both had terrible childhoods.

Akiho was harshly criticized from an early age for not having any magic, which greatly damaged her self-esteem and left it in an almost crippling state. Then she was forced, without her consent or even knowledge, to go through a ritual that would turn her into something non-human for the sake of her clan’s greed.

Kaito was abandoned as a child and taken in by the shady Magic Association so they could exploit his impressive powers. They had no interest in raising him properly or helping him foster his own will, only calling on him when they needed someone to do their dirty work (ex. ordering him to take up rewind magic, which is known to shorten the caster’s life force). As a result, for the longest time, he only ever knew how to be someone else’s tool.

No family to protect them. No friends to talk to or play with. No one.

It is no surprise that they’d grow up struggling with depression when their very surroundings existed to traumatize them further into the submission of cruel and amoral people monsters.

It is also no surprise that when the opportunity came for them to escape that misery, they’re doing everything they can in their own respective ways to be free of the Squids + Association for good.

As someone who’s been through child abuse and is fighting against mental illness on a regular basis, I cannot even begin to explain how much I connect with these two. How much YunaAki’s journey means so much to me personally.

It has gotten to the point that I can only view them as the greatest concern of Clear Card.

Because I know for certain that nothing bad will happen to Sakura and her friends. The kind of story that CCS is and the genre it falls under will not permit anything but a safe and happy (and fair) ending for its heroine and all those acquainted with her. And CLAMP themselves reiterated several times that “Sakura will be alright.”

So there is really nothing for me to worry about there. Sakura has plot armor. She’s going to be perfectly fine and I’m glad for that because that means I can fully invest all my attention in the ones I relate to the most.

Yes, I do see myself in Akiho and Kaito.

Not to the same extent, obviously, since they’ve lived way more horrific lives that I was very fortunate to avoid.

But still, I can understand where their pain is coming from based on my own experiences growing up.

That’s probably why during their first scene together, when Akiho put herself down as a “bother” out of habit and Kaito immediately stepped in to reassure her “you have never once been a bother to me”, I automatically knew without a doubt there was nothing remotely toxic about their relationship.

Because if he were taking advantage of her, if he did harbor ill intentions, there could’ve been other ways for him to tie her to him. With guilt or psychological manipulation or whatever. However, his words held no deception and clearly showed only a need to make sure Akiho was okay first. All the weight of what’s important was transferred to Akiho...leaving none for himself.

With Kaito, there’s always an emphasis on Akiho’s well-being before anything. He’s not always 100% good at handling that (because he’s human and therefore, flawed and prone to making mistakes like the rest of us) but it’s very obvious he always wants to do what’s in Akiho’s best interests.

Furthermore, the fact that Akiho isn’t afraid of him, is comfortable with him in her presence, speaks volumes of how positive an influence Kaito has been in her efforts to move past the ordeal that was her early childhood.

Because please remember, when Akiho was still living under her clan, all she was ever told (by her own kin) was that she was “useless”.

They didn’t have a single kind word to say to her. They constantly scorned her and left her alone with only books for company.

So whenever someone approached her, she’d be overtaken by fear. Fear that she’ll disappoint again. Fear that she’ll cause a burden just by existing as “useless”. Fear of being hated.

Do you have any idea how cruel it is to instill those thoughts into a little girl at an age when she’s just beginning to develop her sense of self?

How messed up does one have to be to ever think it’s okay to treat a child like this? To deny them the love they deserve and punish them for things they have absolutely no control over?

This isn’t some bullshit method to “build character”. Degrading someone, bullying someone repeatedly for whatever reason will never be anything but harmful and there can be absolutely no argument that the victim is always the one who’s going to be hurt the most.

This is exactly why Kaito taking Akiho away and refusing to return her to the custody of the Squids and the Association was the best decision he ever made.

It was the first step towards freeing Akiho (and him) from her abusers, from the ones determined to chain them down so hard that they’d never dream of defying them.

Over the years they traveled together, Akiho and Kaito changed. They learned for the first time what it felt like to not suffocate under someone else’s control and judgement. They began to truly live and grow as their own persons because they were in the company of the right people.

And that was each other.

Everything that we’ve seen about their journey up to Tomoeda, everything we’ve heard Akiho or Kaito or Momo share about their time together before reaching Japan supports that.

First of all, Kaito made the conscious choice to go with Akiho because he did not want her to stay among people who wanted nothing more than to destroy her for their own gains.

He knows better than anyone what kind of environment it is to live among power-hungry magicians. Even at such a young age, he was perfectly aware that he was only in the Association because his powers were wanted, not because he was.

That’s so fucking depressing. For Kaito, who was still just a little boy back then, to become so disillusioned with the world that he lost hope that anyone would care enough about him for him and not his magic. It got to the point where he couldn’t bother to care about himself anymore, only eating the minimum to get by and letting the Association use him as they pleased until his life finally expired.

If he turned out like that, that what would become of the girl who had no powers at all? How much worse would it be for her?

So much worse.

Because even Kaito couldn’t have predicted that the magicians would jump on his comment about her being “like a blank book” as a reason to turn her into a guinea pig. He said those words hoping they would realize since she’s of no use to them, they can let her go live a normal life...which was something he couldn’t have.

He wanted Akiho out of the magic world and tried to do that even before they met.

Despite having little frame of reference for human kindness, Kaito still possessed a lot more of it than all the members of the Squids and Association combined.

Akiho was still a stranger to him then, their only connection being that Kaito spoke with her mother, Lilie, a couple of times. He didn’t know Akiho yet but he didn’t want this poor, orphaned, innocent little child to suffer.

So you can imagine the guilt that wrecked him when he later found out the ritual, the experiment to alter Akiho’s body into a storage item for all the world’s magic, was a success.

Kaito was the most powerful magician in the Association. There’s nothing, no magic he couldn’t master. Yet the one thing he wanted to do (i.e. free Akiho), he failed because he underestimated how twisted these magicians could be.

Therefore, when the chance presented itself on who would travel with Akiho around the world...he took it. He volunteered to go and never looked back once he and Akiho set off on their journey.

For Akiho’s sake, he was never going to let her return to the place where there was nothing for her but despair to begin with.

Then during the years they spent together, he made another conscious decision.

To be the exact opposite of how her clan treated her. Where the Squids neglected and always harshly reprimanded Akiho, Kaito chose to be kind and gentle and understanding.

He talked and listened to her when nobody else did.

He learned to cook, to perform domestic chores, to do anything that would make Akiho’s life a little more comfortable and happier than it was before she left her clan.

He asked for her preferences, offered her options and most importantly, never demanded anything from her. Because 1) he was in no position to due to the pretext of his “job” as her caretaker/attendant and 2) his primary goal seemed to be creating an environment where Akiho would learn that it was normal to choose for herself and want to be happy.

Because the Squids were never going to give her any of that. They want Akiho’s soul to be erased in order for the artifact to be completed. As Kaito said in chapter 35, it would be easier for them to control something that had no will.

An instrument is meant to be used as such. It’s a tool. A tool doesn’t have a personality or feelings. It cannot resist orders.

That was what life was like for Kaito when he was still employed in the Association. They preferred a Kaito who didn’t care, who didn’t question things and just did as he was told. They did not teach him how to think for himself so they could continue to manipulate him into using his powers for their ambitions.

That is a violation of consent, especially so because Kaito was still a child when it happened. Being so young and so emotionally deprived, he did not have the capacity to fully comprehend the extent of something so important...and the magicians took advantage of that.

And Kaito likely became more aware of how wrong his situation was after he came to know Akiho. Akiho, who was now going through the same thing he did with the added dread of literally losing everything that defines her as Akiho forever.

That’s why he’s so desperate. He’s doing everything he can to make sure that won’t happen. He doesn’t want Akiho to end up worse than he was. A doll with no mind of its own for other people to abuse over and over and over.

It is through these actions of his - of being caring and kind towards Akiho, of reassuring her through her self-deprecating episodes and encouraging her to not be afraid to choose - that allowed her real self - a warm, bright, energetic and compassionate young girl - to finally come out from hiding.

She gradually began to trust him, to be more open with him, to smile for him and express gratitude and concern for him...and through interacting with her, he came to know his own heart. He became aware of his own humanity along with the feeling of what it’s like to love someone and be loved in return.

What they severely lacked from the adults who were supposed to act as their “legal guardians”, they found in each other.

That’s where healing starts.

By being around those who lift you up, not pull you down.

What Akiho got out of this relationship was a person who truly cherished her for her and not what she did or did not have. Kaito is her first friend, her first confidant, her first sense of it meant to have a family. It was because of Kaito that she could finally believe she wasn’t alone in the world. That there was someone out there who could accept her for who she was, not what she was.

What Kaito got out of this relationship was a person who treated him like a real person and not a convenient errand boy. Akiho inspired him to care, bringing out the gentle sides to him that he didn’t know he had because the environment he was “raised” in stunted his ability to empathize. He began to do stuff he normally wouldn’t do because they were a “hassle”. He found far more meaning and purpose with her (even in the most mundane things like brewing tea) than he ever did with the Association. He didn’t need to be powerful or possess magic to have worth. He just needed to form a true connection with the right person and through that, he would no longer be lost on what to do with himself.

So it is not at all unnatural for them to come to love each other beyond measure. To even fall in love with one another because nobody Akiho or Kaito knew before they met went as far as they did for each other. Because nobody YunaAki knew before each other could really comprehend the hell they went through. At least, not better than they themselves can.

Not even Momo or Lilie or even Sakura, the closest people to YunaAki there are.

Sure, Momo has her own history and share of tragedies and possesses a lot of wisdom, making her more than qualified to be the parental figure YunaAki direly need. But her nature as a supernatural, ageless being is the degree of difference that sets her apart from her charges.

Momo is a witness to their journey, their ever protective guardian but she is not the one for either Akiho or Kaito and she knows this. Which is why she always pushes YunaAki to become even closer because if there’s anyone who can help them fight their demons the best, it’s each other.

Momo watched these two grow up in front of her own eyes so nobody knows better than she does that there isn’t anyone else that’s as suitable for Akiho as Kaito is and vice versa.

Also, as their responsible chaperone, Momo wouldn’t have let Kaito near Akiho if he were truly a danger to her, much less agree to contract with him in the first place. The fact that Momo still remains on Kaito’s side as of right now in the story (ch 61) is the most solid proof that Kaito isn’t scheming to hurt Akiho.

Then Lilie. Lilie was the first person to ever approach and treat Kaito like a human being. She didn’t seek him out for his powers but rather, appealed to him like a motherly/auntie figure would to a kid by offering him snacks and spending time to talk with him.

Her genial effort to guide Kaito onto the path he’ll eventually take left a strong impression on him, yes...but it was never meant to be more than that.

Lilie is not the one either and she also knew this.

Because she saw the future in her dreams, already knew that Kaito and Akiho would meet and paved the way for that so that Kaito would take the initiative to go to her daughter on his own accord. Because Lilie already had her own beloved, knew what it was like to have that one special person to love above all others, and wanted Kaito to be able to find his as well because doing so would save him.

But also because despite them both being very powerful magicians, they led very different lives. Whereas Lilie was actually valued among the Squids and enjoyed a certain amount of freedom and grew up with a healthier mindset because of it, Kaito was blatantly used as a magical resource by the Association with no regards to his emotional needs as a child, resulting in him having the lowest opinion of himself.

Just like Akiho, her own daughter, would as well.

Knowing these two needed someone, and not just anyone but someone who could truly understand their personal plights and know how to support them, Lilie made the decision to say these words to Kaito so that they would act as a beacon in his mind towards his future:

The “like/love” that belongs only to you is surely waiting for you out there, waiting for you to realize (them)

“You will come to know love. And you’ll know it is love because there’s nothing else in the world that can make you feel that way”

It’s Akiho. Because Akiho is the one who moved Kaito to make the very first decision for himself in his life. She’s the only one who could and can drive him into action, to make him feel anger and sadness and want to fight this hard for something.

Everything Kaito does, it is for Akiho’s sake. To change the impending fate of her losing her soul. To give her a world where she no longer has to cry.

Lilie saw this in her dreams and pushed Kaito towards it so the future where YunaAki save each other could be fulfilled.

Finally, Sakura. Sakura is the personification of CCS’s main message (that unconditional love should not discriminate) as well as the ally YunaAki need right now.

She is a person who will prove to YunaAki that she is worthy of their trust after so many betrayals they went through. She won’t judge them or turn them away but instead choose to help them because that’s the right thing to do. Because warmth, hope and compassion are the cruxes of her character.

She will definitely not stand for YunaAki getting less than a happy ending after everything they’ve had to endure.

However, Sakura is not the one either.

Because there's a limit to how much she can comprehend about either Akiho or Kaito’s pain. Even with the synchro “assisting” her somewhat in empathizing with Akiho through dreams, those are still not Sakura’s feelings, memories and experiences. They are Akiho’s and cannot be transferred to anyone else.

Akiho and Sakura are very distinct from each other, individual of each other because of that. Therefore, the depths Sakura can reach can only go this far.

Adding onto it, the rest of the original CCS cast come from very privileged homes where love, support and protection were always available to them. They were never lacking in what mattered most.

So it would be very difficult for them to try and navigate through a situation as horrible, heartbreaking and complicated as YunaAki’s. Considering the majority of them are still children themselves with barely any experience into how the real world works (and most of them can’t be told the secrets of magic anyway) while the Clow faction is more inclined to protect Sakura than anything, it’s hard to picture any of them having a genuine interest in wanting to truly know the newcomers of this arc.

There aren’t enough significant bridges established between YunaAkiMomo and the members of Sakura’s group for that to be portrayed believably.

Don’t get me wrong, they’d still show sympathy because they’re good people, after all. Any decent person would when they hear about the atrocities of abuse or the serious trauma caused by mental illness.

But the way this story is structured so centrically around its main heroine, I doubt anyone except Sakura can manage to close the distance with YunaAki. And even then, because of the reasons above (and how much YunaAki will actually let her in into that part of their lives), she can only do so much.

Which is fine. It’s not something to fault Sakura or the other characters for. The important thing is that when someone is in trouble, another person steps up to help those in need. And that’s Sakura’s role in YunaAki’s story. That’s more than good enough from her.

However, for Akiho and Kaito to be able to truly overcome the obstacle that is their pasts, I believe it is the most crucial that they have at least that one special person who they know can accept them wholly and whom they can be totally free in front of.

Free to share their thoughts and feelings without that reluctance of possibly being a burden to the other.

Free to talk, cry, rage and completely let go about everything that upset them and still be there to hold each other through it all, tirelessly reassuring “you’re going to be okay, I’m here for you”.

Akiho and Kaito deserve someone who will know the right words to say and the right things to do in order to comfort them, to help them heal. They deserve that one person who they’ll look to when they feel insecure and their anxiety will vanish because “you know me, you get me without trying, you understand even without me having to explain.”

Ch 61 pretty much confirms that’s the case as far as Akiho’s side goes. A developing case, at least.

Sakura had offered to listen to whatever Akiho wished to share on Akiho’s terms (ch 56) and for that, Akiho was grateful.

However, the fact that Akiho hasn’t done so yet shows that she still needs time before confiding in her friend about her family affairs which are tied directly to the most vulnerable parts of herself.

On the other hand, with Kaito in ch 61, Akiho really didn’t worry at all about taking up his time. When she asked if they could talk a little, she already knew he’d be willing and ready to listen, just as he always is (for her).

Because he’s known her for far longer than Sakura does (years as opposed to Sakura’s few months) and most importantly, Akiho knows that Kaito is aware of her coming from a clan of magicians. This is not information outsiders (which Sakura falls under) are privy to so for her to speak openly about the Squids in front of him...it not only proves he’s not an “uninvolved person” but also shows how much she trusts him to discuss something so personal.

And when he defended Akiho against her reiterating the clan’s disappointment (”in the end, she (I) can’t do anything”), she was only lightly surprised before she smiled and shook her head at his apology for acting out of line.

As if saying, “It’s okay, I know you meant well. I know you got mad for my sake.”

Akiho doesn’t have it in herself yet to be angry at her clan...so Kaito gets angry for her instead.

With that, she knows that she’s cared for. With that, she knows he feels and cares for her very much.

And that’s all Akiho ever wanted, really. A person to be on her side.

Because she has that, because she has Kaito, Akiho has already become stronger than her scars of the past. Sure, the pain will still be there because it always hurts to not be wanted by your own family...but that no longer matters as much as the present she has now. The present where she has friends who swore to do anything to help her and not let her feel lonely. The present where she can smile happily from the bottom of her heart.

The present Akiho that became possible because Kaito was there to understand her, defend her and fight for her.

Nobody ever did that for Akiho and nobody after Kaito will ever go to the lengths he did for her either. Because nobody else loves Akiho as much as he does.

And now Akiho wants to do the same for him. Because she cares greatly for him, too. Because he’s her most important person and she truly loves him and doesn’t want to lose him.

Even though Akiho isn’t aware of Kaito’s powers or the secrets he’s been keeping behind her back at the moment, that doesn’t mean she’s going to abandon him when she learns about them. Especially when he was the first person to ever accept everything about her and do everything within his ability to make her happy.

It would be extremely OOC of Akiho to act that way and go against everything the authors have built and established about these characters.

That a relationship goes both ways, not one.

That a relationship is not easy, perfect or automatic. It requires time and patience and learning to get through the hurdles and barriers between two people.

For Kaito, that is more terrifying than dying because all his life, he’s only ever known of being used by others, including himself in his goal to save Akiho. So it makes sense why he harbors distrust against the world. Why it’s so difficult for him to believe he can be anything good for Akiho.

He can give and give and give...but he refuses to receive help from her in return.

He thinks so little of his own welfare, is so full of self-loathing and on top of that, carries the immense guilt of putting Akiho in this situation when in reality, he was only doing what he could to prevent it. And there was no guarantee that she would’ve come out safe even if he didn’t make that “blank book” comment because the Squids, being the psychopaths they are, surely would have thought up other cruel uses for her even if they didn’t turn her into an artifact.

Yet he still sees it as his responsibility to correct it. To do whatever he can to eradicate the danger planted inside her by the magicians. He’s willing to give his very life to apologize to Akiho because he doesn’t think he can make it up to her any other way.

However, anyone can die. It’s not difficult to die.

It’s living that is so much harder.

But at least, by properly facing your feelings, you have the chance to release all that inner turmoil and anguish trapped inside. After that, the “load” on your chest doesn’t feel as excruciating and you can slowly work on getting better.

......in theory, it’s easy to say. In actuality, it’s not easy to do.

Because to understand yourself...requires having to relive all your horrible experiences, nightmares and regrets before coming to terms with them.

When I began my sessions with my therapist, it took me several weeks of crying out all the emotions I’ve bottled up for over 20 years before my mental state went back to being relatively stable. Though it was liberating, at the same time it was very difficult to work up the courage just to talk about it. It felt so awful to feel all that pent up hurt just hit me at max capacity.

So imagine how much worse and scarier it is for Kaito, who is shouldering so many issues right now and not once has given himself a relief from them. His severe low self-esteem that left him convinced he’ll always be alone, that no one would miss him if he’s gone. The painful solitude he still remembers before Akiho came and changed all that. The massive guilt that crushes him every day over how he put his most important person in the situation she’s in now and how that same guilt is what’s keeping him from reaching out to comfort her because he doesn’t think he has the right to be close to her.

The distress over how he and Akiho are running out of time (his health rapidly deteriorating because of using too much rewind and the artifact starting to shut out Akiho’s consciousness), the pressure of Sakura’s group closing in on him now that Sakura is aware he’s a magician, the fear that he won’t be able to protect Akiho from the European magicians...and the persistent determination to save Akiho nonetheless in spite of all these odds against him.

Not to mention, another danger of someone’s magic possibly going berserk during this whole mess. Because remember, in CCS, people’s powers are connected to their emotions. So if he loses control over his magic because of that, there’s no telling what harm may befall him or Akiho or anyone involved.

Subconsciously, Kaito might have realized this...which may be one of the reasons he’s turning a blind eye to his feelings. To maintain control of the situation.

He cannot risk getting distracted, not even for a moment. He can’t allow himself to let down his guard at anytime because doing so might just mean losing everything he’s worked so hard to achieve up till now.

And that’s a common defense mechanism, really. We all hide behind a smile, sweep what’s bothering us underneath the rug, in order to try and function normally throughout the day.

Nobody wants to suddenly find themselves in a meltdown. Nobody wants to feel so vulnerable, lost and utterly helpless when they can no longer deal with the weight of their problems and crash from that.

Not to mention, it’s so obvious that Kaito’s the type that loathes to be a burden to his loved ones and you can see it in the way he always deflects Akiho whenever she shows concern for his health and begs him to rest.

He’s always like “Please don’t worry about me, think of yourself first.”

Again, he doesn’t think he deserves to receive Akiho’s kindness so he often tries to steer the conversation away from him and make her the subject again.

But this also stems from his struggle to really trust anyone, to be willing to rely on others for support and not do everything alone.

Not only is Kaito adamant that Akiho shouldn’t be plagued with his problems, he also doesn’t believe she can bear the weight of them. In other words, the truth about himself.

That he’s a magician and a powerful one at that. That he used to be associated with the people who put her through that ritual. That his “blank book” remark is the cause for why she’s in this predicament even though that was never his intention.

That he planned all this. Taking her from Europe all the way to Japan, letting her meet Sakura, synchronize with Sakura, all for the sake of his wish (to save her).

How would Akiho react to that? Would she detest him? Hate him for what he’s done, what he is? A calculating magician who’s been manipulating the events around her newfound best friend?

It’s such a terrifying idea, the thought of the person you love most hating you.

And it gets even scarier because what if the shock of the reveal breaks her heart and belief in people forever? Then Akiho will never be happy.

If there’s a risk of that, then Kaito will surely think it’s not worth it to tell her. Moreover, it’s far too dangerous with the current circumstances. The seals he placed on the artifact (ch 35) have already been broken (ch 49) just by Akiho’s sadness breaking to the surface in response to Sakura’s words about wanting her friend to be happy.

The progression of the artifact is triggered by Akiho’s emotions and if she feels anything of intense negativity, then she (her soul) can be instantly swallowed up and he’ll lose Akiho.

It’s not worth it. If not knowing keeps her safe, Akiho never has to learn the truth about him. As long as she can smile and have a warm future, he’d be glad to erase himself from her life. He’d be happy to die for her (the reply to her “the moon is beautiful”/“I love you”).

He believes he isn’t of any value to anyone anyway so what loss will there be if he’s forgotten by the end of all this?

But Kaito underestimates just how strong Akiho really is, especially when it comes to her feelings towards him.

There is no way her love is that weak that she’d be okay about letting him leave her like that. She’s constantly on his case, telling him he should rest because she can see through his perfect mask how fatigued he is. She’s always worrying about him and becomes so sad when he won’t let her do even that.

Akiho’s willing to go through any lengths to protect Kaito as well, just like he’s been doing for her this entire time.

And she’s demonstrated that when it comes to perseverance and courage, she is the stronger of the two of them.

Akiho isn’t afraid of getting hurt and it shows because every time Kaito brushes her off, she comes back and tackles harder. She’s essentially telling him “rely on me, you don’t have to be afraid, I’m here for you”. She can handle any turbulence that comes their way because she knows her love for Kaito is greater than any hardship she’ll face. She knows it’ll be alright as long as she has that.

So even if she does get shocked by the truth, it’s only going to be a minor bump in the road compared to fearful prospect of losing her most beloved person forever.

The truth is, Akiho has always been fighting since the beginning even before she met Kaito. And she’s only gotten more resilient with time thanks to Kaito removing her from her poisonous clan and bringing her into a safe space so that her true self can properly flourish as it’s meant to.

Akiho resisted giving into bitter hatred when she had every right to lash out against the world for what it’s done to her. She retained her kindness and compassion and chose to focus on what’s most important to her: the bonds with the people she cares about.

So the issue of whether she can accept the truth about Kaito or not is pretty much nonexistent. Because she loves him for who he is, not what he is.

The person she fell in love with is the Kaito who she’s known for years, has been by her side for years. The Kaito who took care of her, supported her and gave her everything she’s ever wanted and needed.

So what if he’s a magician? That’s just one part of him. It doesn’t wholly define him and it isn’t a problem for her to unconditionally love that aspect of him as well.

Because please, please, please understand, what hurt Akiho the most wasn’t magic itself but people that did. It was the heartless, selfish community (with their fucking goddamn ableism mentality) she was born into that ostracized her and made her feel like shit. Not magic.

Akiho may be young but she’s not dumb. She knows how to tell good people and bad people apart. Therefore, there certainly can be good magicians that stand apart from bad magicians as well.

Sakura’s definitely a good magician and would never make Akiho cry or cause her to feel less for not having any powers. And Akiho adores Sakura and cherishes their friendship so much that something as trivial as magic can’t stand in the way of how dearly think think of one another.

So if Akiho is determined to hold onto this bond she has with Sakura, how the hell can anyone fathom she wouldn’t want to do the same for her relationship with Kaito, who isn’t just the most important person in her life but also the very first good person she’s ever known? The first good magician who’s also currently fighting tooth and nail against death to free her from that society that still wants to hollow her out into a husk?

That’s absurd.

Again, Kaito means so much more to Akiho than what he is. He’s more than just her caretaker, more than just a magician. He’s an extremely kind and devoted young man who had a very unfortunate upbringing and is tormented by the past.

He’s just like her.

That’s why, even before she learns the truth about him, Akiho already on some level knows him. She’s had years to observe him and his mannerisms and behavior.

And because they’re so similar, she can definitely understand him and relate to his pain better than anyone else can. It’s not the magic she sees, it’s the person he is.

Akiho is more than strong enough to accept Kaito and support him through his troubles. Nobody’s forcing her to and she’s not doing it out of obligation. She chooses Kaito because she wants to of her own will.

Honestly, this kind of connection is incredibly rare (even among non-romantic love as well). For someone who can see everything you are, the good and the less than ideal parts, and say “I will accept all of you, I am not afraid to love you.”

It does not mean omitting their faults. Rather, it’s the strength to acknowledge, embrace and forgive the fact that nothing is perfect. It’s to not let your perspective be ruled over by prejudice. To not let one small, superficial aspect stain the beauty of the entire picture.

So what if Akiho can’t do magic? That’s not going to make Kaito love her any less because he’s already seen, already knows, that just having magic can never compare to a fraction of the sum of all the great qualities Akiho does possess. And he knows this better than anyone because he’s been with her longer than anyone else has to witness them!

So what if Kaito is a magician? That doesn’t erase all his efforts to help her escape her toxic family and his desire to keep her safe from harm. It doesn’t negate his pure feelings of wanting Akiho to receive the happiness she truly deserves. That is what’s matters. That is what’s always going to mean more to her than anything.

YunaAki are never going to forget those things, the most important things, about each other. Nothing can make them, it’s impossible.

The way their characters are written, separate and around each other.

The way their relationship is portrayed with layers upon layers of complexity, transcending things like age or gender or sexuality.

The reason why CLAMP suddenly brought the phrase “ 私だけの人” (“The only person for me”) into the story right when we’re reaching the start of the climax of CC. Right when we’re finally getting the overdue extended exposition into Akiho and Kaito’s pasts.

The incredible stroke of luck that out of probably a billion chances, YunaAki were able to find the one special person meant solely for them and them alone.

It is to illustrate the authors’ intentions regarding these two persons. That no one else can love them better, can love them the best, than they do each other.

YunaAki aren’t only compatible because they’ve got similar backgrounds (and therefore, also have similar understandings) but also because they have a special sensitivity to one another that nobody else does.

Even though their real personalities are quite different (Akiho being more optimistic and outgoing with Kaito being more moody and cynical), when they’re around each other, they show sides of themselves that no other person has that ability to bring out.

Kaito’s eyes don’t soften so gently for anyone else but Akiho. He’s not attentive towards anyone else like he is towards Akiho.

When she’s hurting, he so evidently aches for her as well and you can see it in all the expressions he makes whenever he’s around her.

And when Akiho is super happy or wishes to discuss something she feels very deeply for, it’s always about Kaito.

Nobody else can get her to smile, so warmly and brimming with quiet but potent affection, like Kaito can.

“The one who brings out the best in me is you. The one who makes me feel the most beautiful and precious is you. The one who will give me the greatest despair is you if I ever lose you.”

The only one.

The one they can’t afford to spare, not even for the world. The most important one.

Which is why they’re fighting. At the end of the day, it’s not about who wins but what one must do in order to not lose.

Putting everything on the line for the sake of love. As proof of one’s love.

I believe this is the narrative Ohkawa-sensei is going for here. And you know it is because this theme is universal in CLAMP’s works and has actually been stated by Ohkawa herself (check the wiki, I believe she said it a press conference).

Well okay, we get all that about acceptance and what’s important but where does choice fit into this spiel then, hm?

Because yes, even if Kaito is intent on saving Akiho and hiding things from her for her own safety (reminder that the artifact can activate at any moment), Akiho will not approve of him trying to force-give her happiness this way, especially at the expense of his own life.

...among several other problems since we still don’t know the exact details of his plan. The only things about it that has been confirmed by Kaito’s own words are:

1) He needs Sakura to manifest a specific card in order to activate Momo’s book, the pivotal key to accomplishing his wish.

2) Sakura’s other Clear Cards (and possibly the artifact inside Akiho as well) can act as some sort of “fuel” to power Momo’s book or the taboo of the book or whatever.

In short, some sort of spell is needed to save Akiho. So what is the purpose of this spell? What does it do?

There are a bunch of theories going around including Kaito possibly wanting Akiho and Sakura to switch lives (though ch 61 seems to be disproving that atm) or trying to the reverse the state of Akiho’s body to the moment before she underwent the ritual. Maybe he might even want to create a copy of Sakura’s “perfect” life (thereby messing up the time-space continuum?) ...but make it so it’s a world without magic and insert Akiho in it?

We don’t know and none of us can claim confirmation about anything until CLAMP finally reveals Kaito’s intentions in future chapters.

What we do know is that Kaito sees absolutely no hope of him coming out of this alive.

The repeated use of rewind magic causes him severe seizures and now he’s passing out from the exertion of it as well. Kaito barely has enough left in him to even stand and yet, despite Momo warning him against it multiple times, he refuses to listen.

Because saving Akiho means so much more than preserving his own life, which in his mind is just a small price to pay.

Because he believes Akiho must choose happiness for herself. Whatever that means, whatever he envisions for her as “happiness”, he needs her to choose that.

That’s probably what he’s been conditioning her to do from the beginning when they started traveling together. That’s why he’s always offering her options , to get her into the habit of choosing what she prefers. To think about what she wants.

“Please don’t worry about me (I am of no value), think about yourself.”

Choose a normal life where she can have a loving family and good friends and a future.

Choose a life where there is no magic which consequently means a world without him since the only thing he sees himself useful for is his magic.

Kaito seems convinced that magic is the source of Akiho’s pain...so without it, without him who unknowingly cursed her into her fate, she can finally be free.

But that’s just what Kaito believes in that stubborn head of his, drowning in all his internalized self-hatred and guilt. Again, right now, he has no idea just how much Akiho loves him and how much it will hurt her if they’re torn apart.

As long as he remains unaware of her true feelings, he will continue to go down the wrong path. He will continue to avoid facing his heart and his death will cause Akiho an even greater grief than any actual happiness he wishes for her.

He will not realize that his pursuit for an ideal world for Akiho is what effectively deprives her of her choice on what happiness means to her.

And that’s to be with Kaito, her most beloved person, always.

If Kaito dies, they lose that forever. They cannot go back on it.

That’s why it is extremely crucial that Akiho confess to him again, this time with the more direct “I love you”.

Only by getting across to Kaito that she loves him dearly, that she sees him as special and the one person she doesn’t want to live without, can it put a halt to this downward spiral of self-destruction.

Moreover, by choosing Kaito over a “perfect world”, Akiho will teach him the real meaning of the word “choice”.

That she chooses Kaito for him and not his magic. That even with magic, she can accept all of him because there isn’t a single thing about him that she doesn’t love.

And just as he chose of his own will to save her and give her freedom, Akiho will choose him to give him his - to free him from the belief that he’s destined to be alone.

By knowing he is not alone, that he is cared for and loved by someone, Kaito can begin to properly heal. He can finally learn to trust someone, to believe that he too has a right to live, to have a place to belong to in this world (with Akiho, by Akiho’s side).

He will no longer have any reason to die. He will not wish to leave Akiho because doing so will only bring her endless despair and if there’s anything we can be sure of, Kaito will not accept any outcome where Akiho is less than happy.

To conclude this overly long ramble (yea, it’s ramble-analysis at this point...rambalysis?), everybody chooses their own happiness. It’s not something another person can decide for them.

Choice also extends to those we love and how we love them.

By choosing to love the correct way...that is, by supporting each other, caring for one another, accepting one another for who they are and not what they are...can we hope to find, to become, the true love we’re looking for.

True love brings out the best in people, allows the real strengths of their characters to bloom and thrive as they’re meant to.

True love heals, helps us become stronger and better than our old selves so that we don’t lose to our weaknesses of the past.

True love will never intentionally hurt you and even if there is pain, it’s the proof that you’re alive. Alive to feel, alive to hope and to fight. To choose your own happiness.

That is the meaning I’ve found in YunaAki.

#I can't count how many times I've had to step away and cry while writing this post #it didn't even turn out as I planned which should've been more organized and possibly more concise than this #that past two months were just a mess y'know #nonetheless it served as a good catharsis for all the emotions I had trouble releasing and I'm very glad I pushed through to finish it #writing is my therapy and I still strongly believe in love despite the awful hell I'm living in rn #that's why YunaAki is my ultimate OTP #this ship was made specially for people like myself #and nobody can ever stain this beautiful feeling they've inspired in my heart #I will never regret or be ashamed for expressing this love #shinomoto akiho #yuna d. kaito #yunaaki #akiyuna #🕰️🌾🐇

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ruby-whistler · 3 years ago

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There are three types of misinterpretation of c!Dream in my opinion; and by that I mean anyone's take ever, whether it's a c!Dream anti or a c!Dream apologist or a c!Dream enthusiast. That's right, I'm making an essay about how in my mind everyone is wrong. This is how I lead debates please don't unfollow me-

1. misunderstanding or overdramatizing evidence

c!Dream apologists; g-guys. I'm not saying he isn't traumatized, but look. I really used to believe he was just everyone's victim and hurt and mentally unstable, and I'm not saying he isn't at all, but I changed my mind because I feel like the evidence doesn't,, point that way at all. Your emotions are valid, but your takes are very removed from what the rest of the fandom thinks because you take little hints and try to make them into some big angsty point within canon.

The evidence we have proves he is more ruthless than anything; even the content creator says that. He doesn't say why he does progressively more ruthless things, and he does say it's for his ideals and out of good intentions, but he doesn't say anything about him being hurt into doing it.

I'm not saying he isn't hurt. But making analysis of an entire character based on something that is barely supported by canon isn't the way I roll and I feel like it's one of the reason why people assume all c!Dream apologist are going to woobify the character,, because some of them really do that.

I don't mind portraying him as hurt by what's happened in canon, because that is a completely safe conclusion, but jumping to the victim side of the scale seems a little bit like painting a completely different picture than what actual canon says. (Note: talking about pre-Pandora c!Dream here.)

There is tragedy in someone being driven by the environment, circumstances and themselves deeper and deeper into corruption, but it feels like by only considering that the entire character is limited to one side of the argument.

I like to also see the side of him that will hurt people because he thinks he has to, because he wants to succeed above all, the side that will ruthlessly murder and manipulate and be calculative and clever and even self-destructive about it because he believes that'll get him towards his ultimately selfless goal.

That's my morally complex bastard.

A lot of people seem to be mistaking or ignoring that for the sake of saying he is just... hurt and that that is an explanation of his actions, and even though they don't use it as an excuse, it feels a little cheap.

And here we come to the core of the problem: an emotional vs. rational explanation for the character's actions.

Because the thing is, with enough evidence, you will see that nearly (we'll get to that in a bit) everything he does can be explained rationally. Everything is connected, everything is the most logical and efficient and merciless route straight from point A to point B, because c!Dream is fascinatingly smart when you look deeper into it.

He knows what he's doing. He knows his actions are awful, and he doesn't care - not because he would be some evil person, but because his mindsets cause him to justify such things, and mindsets are more complicated than feelings.

There is a lot to explore in that direction of the character, but that is material for another essay.

In short, people seem to enjoy removing all of his agency in favor of explaining his actions emotionally rather than from a rational standpoint which results in inaccurate analysis.

Do I think it is completely understandable he attacked L'Manberg?

Absolutely.

Do I think c!Wilbur painted him as a villain to benefit his own power?

Yes.

Do I think he utilized the villain persona as an intimidation tactic and often went overkill with no regard for anything but accomplishing his goals and that he slowly became more and more willing to do bad things of his own accord because he became determined and distrusting of the world to the point of committing horrible actions?

100%.

Analysing that part of the character is the most interesting part, when you consider it - and an important one as well.

2. ignoring evidence

c!Dream antis; please. Stop saying he doesn't care or explaining his actions with obsession or assigning him personality traits or motives that he literally doesn't have in order to demonize him I beg of you.

It's so many basic and easily debunkable assumptions that can be explained with what we actually know of his motives. People will ignore both canon and the authors' words to paint him as some monster with no nuance, which he is not.

We only know so much about him, but people will ignore and deny even the little bit we have for the sake of making him the literal personification of evil and erasing the fact that he is a complex and human character. Just accept he can be accurately analysed beyond hate and let people do it if you don't want to do so yourself.

3. assuming the evidence we have is everything you need to determine a final approach and that nothing outside of the presented evidence exists when certain details prove otherwise

c!Dream enthusiasts; this was the only and biggest problem I've had since being introduced to much more rational interpretations of the character - which is emotions, and one of the biggest reasons why c!Dream gets dehumanized in the first place; the fact that we have little to no showcase or explanation of them in canon.

You see, c!Dream is a reserved character. He likes withholding his plans, withholding his feelings and information from the world.

However, since all we can really get out of watching his actions alone is the rational side (and that is deliberate by both the writer and the character, narratively and personality-wise) people slowly begin to assume there is no emotional side to his actions at all.

Which I find,, untrue. Between the people who erase the rational side of the character and those who erase the emotional side, there is little middle ground, but I don't really find either of them right either.

Because neither would be an accurate representation; just because he doesn't actively showcase his feelings doesn't mean he doesn't have them, and the few inconsistencies that are too small a detail for us to put everything together show that he does have an inner emotional world beyond what we see.

The character does work beyond what we know, and expecting that everything can be explained purely by rationality because that's all we see of him seems a little bit jumping the gun.

It leads to a less person-like view of a character who in reality simply doesn't like showing people the way he feels, and I don't really find that fair to him. It is best to accept there are things we can't say for sure, or to say an emotional interpretation can also be valid at times.

It is both important not to deny him agency and not to deny him the ability to be genuinely hurt by others or changed by his environment.

Both of these can coexist, especially in

the correct interpretation

Ok this is a joke.

I have literally no idea. I'm just throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks - he confuses me beyond belief. The only person who knows about both the emotional and rational side of the character enough to have their interpretation unquestioned is cc!Dream - but when we do try to find answers, it is important for us as well that we do not ignore any aspects or possible aspects of the character, because that is the only way to get useful results out of our analysis.

Sorry this was crit of basically every take about the character I have ever seen but I needed to get my thoughts out.

#dream smp #c!dream #ask to tag as crit #long post #idk i'm big on the c!dream pos #but woobification & dehumanization & demonization are #all equally a problem in the fandom #with the character

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lazyliars · 4 years ago

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The Quackity Meta: Justice without the Blindfold

[Anonymous asks: (DSMP) Somebody talk to me about Quackity and Eret’s character. I wanna talk about what Quackity’s views on power are with what he’s planning to do with Sam along with whatever he saw in the egg. I wanna talk about why Eret thinks reviving Wilbur is the best option for the sever to lead and their views on what a leader should be with them being the king of the Dream SMP. I wanna talk about Quackity planning to create a casino for the server to rise to the top. What does it mean to be king?]

[/rp. All mentions of dream smp members should be assumed as referencing the character, not the cc, unless specifically stated otherwise.]

At the heart of every conflict, if you look closely enough, you will find a similarity. Two contrasting ideals will reveal their own likeness, in the stage they play out their war – they both fight for the same result; to be known and followed and asserted, and in this they are the same. There would be no conflict if both sides shared nothing in common.

Lets talk about Quackity.

We'll gloss over a good deal of Quackity's history to get to the meat of this discussion, which involves Technoblade. But there are a a few lesser known facts about Quackity's early days on the server that are relevant to the discussion, like that Quackity joined the server because of Tommy.

Namely, he joined for The Cartel, a short-lived organization comprised of him, Tommy, Tubbo and Jack Manifold, and their aims of obtaining power over the entire server by getting a monopoly on one object, the Phantom Membrane.

(Trivia: This is why Technoblade had to strike a deal with Tommy for the membranes – Phantoms are turned off on the Dream SMP now, so their monopoly actually ended up working. (Un)fortunately, Tommy traded nearly his whole supply for the priceless act of... making Techno scream really loud and talk in a funny voice. Worth it.)

However, Tommy's interest in the Cartel waned almost immediately, to Quackity's frustration. Tommy was constantly busy with his Vice Presidential duties in L'manberg. Quackity wasn't entirely left out, and he helped Tommy on multiple occaisions, but this was back in Wilbur's L'manberg, where non-europeans were strictly banned.

Quackity would slowly come to resent Tommy for this over time. He joined the server to be with him, took his side in nearly every conflict, including the ones that were L'manberg-oriented, and yet he wasn't allowed to be a citizen of his friend's own nation.

The resentment would reach a boiling point when Quackity discovered Wilbur's bid to consolidate power by running a sham election – with a one party system. Quackity challenged him, formed Swag 2020, and the rest is history...

The takeaway here is that from the start, Quackity has been shunted aside by people in power – Tommy, Wilbur, and then later, Schlatt. This wouldn't prevent him from executing his own immoral power grabs, but that trait – the distaste for people with power holding it over him, is one that would stick around, and become even more prominent later... Quackity has more reason than most to hate tyranny.

But “Tyranny” Is a word thrown around on the SMP often enough, that it's probably up there with “betrayal” and “pop-off” in total wordcount. But few use it more commonly, or more persuasively, than Quackity and Technoblade.

This begs the question: what is Tyranny in a M/inec/raft role play, and why do Quackity and Technoblade both detest it so much while still hating each other?

Well, after a moderate amount of research, I have discovered the following:

Tyranny is complicated.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

...No, but really. Tyranny is very old concept. The words originates in, you guessed it, Ancient Greece, but conceptually, the idea goes waaaay back.

Now, that last thing I wanna do is give anyone a history lesson. I'd suck at it and I haven't done that much research. But the takeaway here is that “Tyranny” has come to be defined in fairly vague terms. We'll look at a few different ones in reference to the SMP.

Oxford dictionary defines a Tyrant as: A cruel and oppressive ruler. / a person exercising power or control in a cruel, unreasonable, or arbitrary way. / (especially in ancient Greece) a ruler who seized power without legal right.

Lets look at the first and last definitions: A cruel and oppressive ruler; (especially in ancient Greece) a ruler who seized power without legal right.

By these definitions, one could call Quackity tyrannical during his term as Tubbo's VP. He exercises the power granted to him as a government official to spearhead an operation to execute a man without trial. He violently invades the home of a citizen and then puts said man on house arrest, and to subdue the target of this operation he threatens a pet (-a vague but ostensibly severe criminal act in the terms of m/inec/raft specifically-) and then reveals to Techno that the reason he's doing this actually has nothing to do with the crime Techno was accused of, and it is instead a ploy to consolidate power.

Quackity is leveraging his position in the government to amass power, and using that power to harm individuals (Philza and Techno,) in process. As an added bonus, his position in that government came from usurping Schlatt, a legitimately elected official. Thus, Quackity is a Tyrant.

But there, in Schlatt's government is where things get complicated.

Quackity had some power in Schlatt's government. Not the same kind as he did in New L'manberg, but arguably a more unrestrained form – Quackity could basically do whatever he wanted, as long as it pleased Schlatt. In New L'manberg, Quackity needed to convince not only Tubbo, but the rest of the cabinet whenever he wanted to initiate a new project. New L'manberg, while still maintaining a ruling class, had a far more equal distribution of power than Manberg did. It was still democratic.

And while we're on the topic of Quackity as Schlatt's VP, Quackity had almost instant regret the day of the election. He was undermining Schlatt from the start, questioning him, trying to stop Tubbo from breaking the signs that read “if you break this sign, you hate your viewers” and freeing Niki when Schlatt trapped her in Jack Manifold's house and then whispering at her to run.

Quackity only fell into step with Schlatt in the aftermath of Election day, when he saw a major desire fulfilled; the tearing down of L'manberg's walls. These walls were a symbol of L'manberg's isolationist roots that prevented Quackity from joining in the first place. It was one of his biggest promises whilst campaigning.

From this point on, up until the festival, Quackity would be in support of Schlatt. The things he did try to push back on would be downplayed and ignored, if not scorned. This period of time is difficult to pick apart where Quackity's personal morals and ideals begin, and Schlatt's influence ends. The steadily worsening abusive dynamic between them doesn't help this vagueness, either.

I point this out because I've seen people conflate Quackity's abuse at the hands of Schlatt, and his willingness to participate in Schlatt's rule as being of the same root; implying that Quackity only followed Schlatt because he was in an abusive relationship with him, when the reality is far more complicated. Yes, their relationship was a major factor in Quackity's actions, but downplaying his ambition and willingness to accept Schlatt's Tyranny when it helped him realize his own goals does a disservice to the nuance of Manberg-era Quackity.

What all of this points to is an individual who has a strong, some might say defining sense of Justice, yet also a susceptibility to Temptation. Quackity’s experiences with disenfranchisement by Wilbur and Tommy, coupled with his Dark horse victory in the election paints him in a sympathetic, even heroic light. But the way he slowly relinquished more and more power to Schlatt, and ended up indulging in the fruits of tyrannical gains when they proved they could get him what he wanted.

...

So, back to the question... Is Quackity a tyrant?

The answer to that question is a solid “mmmmaaaybe??”

It comes back to what you consider Tyranny. Quackity has never held complete power – he has always, always been scrapping and struggling and fighting to get a foothold in the machinations of the truly powerful, like Dream and Wilbur. He's very much an underdog story.

On the other hand, the times that Quackity has held positions of power, he's done some questionable shit. People like to forget that, while he was deeply disturbed by it, he wasn't exactly against Tubbo's execution at the festival. Putting Phil on house arrest and executing Techno without trial also count against him.

Like most things on the SMP, it's just complicated. Quackity's motivations run deep and aren't always obvious. He doesn't seem to want to hurt people just for the sake of hurting them, or use his power in arbitrary ways, but when he can personally justify it, the sacrifice of his moral integrity gets severe sometimes.

What it looks like is that more than anything else, Quackity wants control, and to never, ever lose his own autonomy. That is also why he despises Technoblade.

...And here we are at the Technoblade part of this meta, AKA the MASSIVE BULK OF THIS ANALYSIS. Which you can read HERE, because it’s too long to fit in just this one post.

#Dream SMP #Quackity #Tommyinnit #Wilbur Soot #Jschlatt #Technoblade #Dream smp analysis #lazytext #long post

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arcenciel-par-une-larme · 4 years ago

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genuine question, how is 'voting with your money' in a conservative society good but 'cancel culture' bad? Surely if lgbt people don't want to work with people who think they are sinners, they should be allowed to fire them, because that's their right? This strikes me as a contradiction but lmk if i'm wrong

You seem to be bringing two issues at the same time into this, but I’ll try to cover them both.

Surely if lgbt people don't want to work with people who think they are sinners, they should be allowed to fire them, because that's their right?

This can easily lead us into very unpleasant territory if you expand this to its logical conclusions.

By definition, we Christians believe that everyone who has ever walked this earth (ourselves included BTW) is a sinner. Romans 3 is pretty much a summary exposition of that. It means that we have committed wrongdoings and dwelt in evil or impure thoughts. If, as such, people started firing those who thought they are in sin, Christians would be completely unhirable in zero time.

Furthermore, although I have no formal legal expertise to speak of, even so I have a feeling that, from a legal standpoint, this would also be nothing short of a disaster area. Imagine telling a court of law something amounting to “I decided to fire this person because he believes that I have offended his God in whom I don’t even believe”: it boils down to theological differences and little, if anything, else. If this somehow managed to establish itself as a legit precedent, it would lead to all kinds of religious discrimination overnight.

how is 'voting with your money' in a conservative society good but 'cancel culture' bad?

There are some important differences between the two, and I shall try to explain them to the best of my ability.

1. “Voting with your money” (henceforth VWYM), as I am aware of the term, has more to do with an individual choosing to support or not to support different businesses, either through purchasing their products or deciding to work for them. Cancel culture (henceforth CC), on the other hand, describes situations where societal clout is mobilised in order to mark certain individuals as “problematic” and as such to make it more difficult (if not nigh impossible) for them to make a living or to be respected in polite society.

2. VWYM is mainly concerned with current causes and practices espoused by a business. CC can be triggered by literally anything, even decades-old tweets which the author might even have regretted.

3. Likewise, people who VWtheirM do not seem to mind granting again their patronage to businesses who correct their practices and espoused beliefs. CC has shown again and again that its adherents are not interested in any sort of forgiveness; they alone are right, always; and it’s always one strike and you’re out.

4. Most people who VWtheirM, although usually making their grievances known and trying to convince others to boycott this or that firm, are not fixated on aligning everybody with their causes and preferences. Cancelers, on the other hand, are rarely satisfied with anything short of nationwide (or even international), unanimous outrage against those whom they choose to target. Hence why CC typically leverages social media outrage mobs, and why anybody who does not join them is also added to the “problematic people” list and considered complicit.

5. Whereas slander and half-truths seem to be CC’s bread-and-butter, it is increasingly rarer in the grand scheme of VWYM. In fact, you might have noticed that one of the most oft criticised aspects of cancel culture is how it relies on demonising people and considering them evil, as well as the lack of proportionality between the alleged “crime” and the sought punishment.

6. VWYM rarely has to do with what we call “punching down”. CC rarely has any qualms about “punching down”.

7. Perhaps the best explanation is given by @Wokal_Distance on Twitter:

The most common form of cancel culture is using social media to create mobs that create social and financial consequences for people who hold views the cancelers don’t like. Usually the cancelers seek to get a person fired but sometimes settle for reputation destruction. This is what people are talking about when they talk about cancel culture.

It’s not that there is a shortage of platforms from which to express an opinion, nor are they upset about garden-variety shunning (“I’m not your friend anymore”, “You can’t come to my birthday” etc) from peers.

Cancel culture means a guy I’ve never met, in a state where I don’t live, can see a video that I didn’t film, of a thing that I didn’t say to him, and get me fired from my job providing a service that he doesn’t use.

Again, that’s as far as I could think about the issue right now. @anscathmarcach @ask-a-baptist @theindependentconservative @siryouarebeingmocked @bransrath and anybody else, please feel free to contribute as you see fit.

#personal post archive #cancel culture

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simplepotatofarmer · 3 years ago

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Hey I saw a reblog of this answer of yours to an ask and I want to know how you'll think this would change, or rather how c!Techno's approach to anarchy (and if we wanna start comparing, c!Quackity's partiality to governance-based structures) would change now that the ban on farms has been lifted?

I feel like there are new implications to consider as this ban lift would influence any interested members of the server to create farms for resources and attain their previously non-existent material power through there. How would the big ideologically charged characters of particular influence on the servent present (and maybe past) go about their actions because of that new change?

okay big disclaimer here before i say anything else:

*i have no idea what the point of farms are in minecraft and at this point i'm too afraid to ask*

so with my extremely minimal understanding of farms but my fairly in-depth understanding of anarchy and of survival minecraft when played by grinding based on cc!techno's style, here's my kind of thought on the whole farm thing.

1.) what will farms actually change? okay, so we've established that i don't know what farms are for, but i do have a server where farms are present. there's a gold farm and a sugar cane farm and a squid farm and i think one other? and i use a lot of gold! i made my gingko tree out of raw gold blocks. i also use a lot of sugar cane as i love collecting books.

i don't personally use the farms but i still have plenty of resources and i'm reasonably confident in saying that no one is going to be able to take away my ability to get more resources.

because that's kinda the crux of it, you know? capitalism isn't just about having money or wealth, what it's really about is the exploitation and the inequality that comes from that exploitation and the inability for people to get out of it. and if farms in minecraft would cause that sort of inequality, then i think it would require a change in actions or more thought at least on c!techno's end. but i don't know if that actually applies because people would still be able to gather food and other resources.

2.) uh-oh! complex morality questions? in my minecraft mechanics? okay here's the thing. there are so many issues with the sheer mechanics of minecraft from a morality stand-point. i mean, if piglins are people with a culture and language, then gold farms are like.... so immoral. enough that i actually considered banning them on my server but i realized that most people wouldn't view it that way.

and that's the thing! where do we draw the line? especially when it comes to the RP aspect. because there's mechanics that require things like killing animals which would go against general characterization of the characters. or things like enderman. so if they're all people, what does killing them mean?

so baked-in game mechanics are kinda questionable. like trust me, i used to be in a large anarchist gaming group and we had biweekly debates on the morality of minecraft and farming mechanics and while i think that could be a worthwhile question, i don't think it's one i really want to tackle in the context of the dsmp because there's so much that can change from one moment to another. a horse can be an extremely important animal/pet or a mob that you kill because breeding mechanics in minecraft are awful, please gods i tried to set them all free but it was too much.

where you can apply the sort of in-world rp morality to things like exile or the prison because those are specifically aimed at characters and specifically have a weight in the story. so....

3.) minecraft mechanics are out, in-world power structures are in!

so, where i end up on the whole farm thing is 'the power that someone has in the context of the rp world is more important than the actual resources they have'.

which means that if c!quackity begins to use the resources he acquires through farms (or any other method) to do things like what the butcher army did - putting phil under house arrest, tubbo almost killing him, executing techno without a trial - then that's something c!techno would have to act on. the same applies to anyone who decides to use the resources gained through that method for something similar.

i think my point is that unless someone is applying the mechanics of minecraft to their in-world power and how they use that against the rest of the server, i can't see the introduction of farms as something that's going to have drastic changes to the political or moral ideology of the server. i mean, theoretically snowchester has one of the most powerful weapons on the server, but c!techno's approach to that was to look at the in-world motivations and actions of c!tubbo.

regardless, i'm just excited to see what they're all going to do with the possibilities it opens up!

#loyal answers things #did i answer your question? probably not and i'm sorry RIP #long post #dream smp #dsmp analysis #kinda??? it's more like. analysis of the world structure and idk.

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goldenlie · 3 years ago

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I already made that point in the ask on a different blog but I dislike how they put Dream on pedestal and relate anything that happens with George to him. Jokes and more serious takes calling him covid warrior get me annoyed because it's the same person that allows his mom do groceries for him and didn't see any issues with Sapnap going to visit Karl, create irl content with him and other ccs and even make video with mr beast despite Sapnap apparently interacting with his mom and sister. It also surprises me how the fans push so much towards meet up when it's clear they are the ones that care the most about it. Don't get me wrong I do believe dream team wants to meet up however question directed at Dream if he would visit George in UK was meet with awkward silence and George had to answer for him that it means no. Clearly it's important but there is no feeling of urgency or even a maybe in there. Same with George, I feel like after experiencing irl content and hanging out more with ccs in UK he isn't in any real rush to get to the US when he knows neither Sapnap or Dream will be down to create that type of content which is fine but George seems to enjoy making it so losing advantage of meeting up with Wilbur, Tommy etc to create content might be something that he started to care more about. Wilbur also planned to move to US from what I remember so it's just a theory, not really serious but maybe George wants to move when Wilbur does so they both have someone to create irl content with? Sorry for rambling but this situation rubs me the wrong way in so many ways, hope you'll have a nice day!

(The following is a depiction of my own personal views containing fandom critical aspects which mostly dissolves into a general discussion. This isn't intended to speak on behalf of any DT members (S+G+D) in any sense or to insinuate how they feel regarding their following.)

In an effort to shorten the length of this, my thoughts on the "covid warrior" situation are in more detail here. In summary, It's not the best idea to hold a cc so high for the expected, eventually something will slip and the fall will be much greater than it deserves to be. As you mentioned, allowing quarantines to occur in his own home where other family members frequent doesn't fit the narrative created by some. No ones going to be perfect in a pandemic, yet we shouldn't act oblivious in favor of holding up this pristine image specifically crafted and implemented by fans.

Regarding the Dream association with George. I'll preface this with acknowledgement that getting the green light from the creators themselves to view their relationship romantically, will create a ripple effect of posts, clips, and overall more attention funneled to the cc's. However, I don't think the aim was to ever be overshadowed by the idea of themselves in a romantic sense. To be truly frank George is the one facing the brunt of this association. People think Dream and they imagine a high tier mc player, people think George and know him from being flirted with in tiktok clips. This link leaks into moments unintended to be related to one another, bringing up his name whenever George even interacts with other ccs? Expecting Dream to give George a slap on the wrist for attending a party? Unwarranted behavior. Dream is not responsible for George (or Sapnap) and vice versa. They are separate people responsible for their own actions.

The initial excitement at meeting each other was very clear in December/January due to both Karl+Quackity and Sapnap+Dream meeting up. Understandably over time the thrill at the thought began wearing off due to the shaky future presented by the pandemic (Yet I've no doubt they'll be glad to be together under one roof in the future). I think this was especially obvious during the puffy podcast in particular when Minx directed the question to Dream whether he would visit George now or wait another one and a half years before meeting him. Dream toyed with the question for a bit, confirming the timeframe before being pressured for an answer to which he responded he'd guess he'd go. It didn't exactly sound ecstatic and as you said it's not the first time the question has been dodged or answered with such emotion or lack thereof.

That being said, It's not surprising they don't want to get their hopes up considering the pandemic is too reliant on people to predict. However, I saw a lot of talk at the time concerning how sweet it was Dream said he'd go to London. It's down to personal perception but in all honesty the situation did not read that sweet to me. Although I understand the desire for a heartfelt sentiment declaring "Yes! Of course I'd go across the Atlantic for George!", this was not it. There is a tendency to romanticize and view subjects with a rose tint in this fandom but this instance was one of the more painfully obvious times.

A similar reaction occurred on Georges solo PkMn stream. Dream joined heavily insinuating him to end stream despite George explaining his plans to continue for a further hour. At a weak attempt at pleasing the fans Dream promised a dnf stream and within seconds the chat spammed "take the deal!". It felt very self exposing of chat, these joint streams are not uncommon but it had been five months since the previous solo stream. On top of that, some started claiming how whipped George was to leave steam when in reality there wasn't much of a choice presented. When watching a trailer to a game they might potentially play, commentating it with "what's happening" Dream responded "you're ending stream". Not everything is a "cute" moment (if anything looking back this was comical) and that's expected, but lets not act tone deaf when we bare witness to such.

Returning to your initial point regarding the meetup, Sapnap seems to be the one who carries the brightest torch for it publicly. During a GTA stream he excitably referenced the long awaited time in which he would collect George from the airport. George once expressed offhandedly how he thought S+D might not have room for him to which he joined the call expressing how they could do bunk beds together and reassured him they'd have space (although surely that was obvious from the beginning). Sapnap once posed the question to George where he'd take him if he showed up in London, asking if they'd go to Tesco. Even during the PkMn card unboxing stream (Karls), he told the camera George could have any of the cards he pulls and they'll be waiting for him in Florida. These were all such genuinely kind sentiments where you could tell he's been anticipating the meeting for a while yet, they've been talked about to a much lesser degree.

Regarding the content situation, there hasn't been a stream which consciously consisted of Sapnap and Dream together since the move in. Baring in mind Sapnap often disregards face-cam streams the odd joint stream could've occurred if they so wished. It's not apparent to a random viewer they live together, not to say that's a bad thing or that they needed to in any sense, but I feel like it's a good teller of how content will be once George moves in. Obviously Georgenap could do face cam streams together and I have no doubt that's what we'll get, which I can't complain about. Honestly it wouldn't be surprising if George and Wilbur do the plane journey over together. However, Wilbur has expressed his desire to travel America and as much as I'd enjoy Georgebur taking landmark after landmark, it seems more likely for George to travel on occasion to the states where Wilbur finds himself. Sadly indicating the real life vlogs with Gnf will regrettably be left in the UK.

#I absolutely rambled back don't worry anon hope you week is banging #talk until your hearts content I enjoyed reading your perspective!#apologies for going all in on a different topic you briefly mentioned #cw critical #mcyt fandom critical #georgenotfound #dreamwastaken #sapnap #scheduled post

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fl0ating-tree · 4 years ago

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please please please go off about Wilbur's character I love him sm

as i said all i needed was one ask to go off so i will

cc!wilbur never revealed anything, and i mean anything, about his character. off the top of my head i can think of ranboo, punz, and eret who have all answered tweets about their character or made twitter threads about their character. even dream has given hints on twitter like ‘youll find out more soon’. but with wilbur, everything you knew about him was from what you saw on streams and that alone. you don’t get to know his exact morals or ideals, all you had was his actions and his words and you had to piece together the rest and people are STILL piecing it together!

his character is so complex that there are different names (both canon and fanon) for the different facets of him. alivebur, ghostbur, pogtopia wilbur, l’manberg wilbur, the theories about revivedbur. these names all mean the same person yet completely different aspects about him. and while that might sometimes seem like a downfall of a character, maybe making it seem like he is an incohesive character, it shows both how complex he is in the story and to other characters. tommy referring to pogtopia wilbur and “the real wilbur” as different people showing how trauma can completely change a person to their friends and loved ones? ghostbur being the literal manifestation of trauma, being an amnesiac because he can’t remember the bad things that have happened to him. l’manberg wilbur showing how sometimes good people can be harsh. all of these aspects cohesively lead into each other, it shows realistic change in a person while still making it complex so other characters have a hard time grappling with it.

lmanberg wilbur was a man who loved his country, while being overprotective of it. betrayal and war made him harsh but he still loved his friends. that overprotectiveness made him want to have complete control over it (understandably, he gave so much for that country and so did the person he was closest to, tommy). this was his downfall and lead to him being exiled from the thing he gave everything for. his overprotectiveness became obsession because of betrayal and declining mental health and what was the catalyst was him no longer being able to see what he was doing was right, so to justify his actions to himself he declares himself the villain. declining mental health, betrayal, paranoia, war trauma and obsession all culminate to make him suicidal and wanting to destroy the thing he felt he gave everything for yet still lost. he dies and comes back as a ghost so riddled with trauma that it cant remember anything bad. that’s a cohesive character, but still such a constantly changing character and its amazing to see how well cc!wilbur pulls it off.

i highly recommend watching cc!wilburs old dream smp VODs and youtube videos because oh my god does hindsight change how you watch him. the subtle change from wilbur being somewhat headstrong with power so he tries to rig the election leading into his complete power-hungry obsession with l’manberg. @geoguessbur talked in the replies of a post i have about how he goes from not wearing armour to show how l’manberg didn’t need armour to be peaceful to not wearing armour because hes reckless bordering on suicidal to him begging to be killed.

there’s not a single thing wilbur did that wasn’t hinted at. he outright called himself the traitor on nov 16th. he wouldnt wear armour and would remove safety railings and wouldnt bother to try and fully hide from schlatt’s view in lmanberg. he was obsessive with lmanberg from the beginning, always calling it ‘his’ and wanting to rig an election specifically to keep control over it. after erets betrayal he was always a bit paranoid of his friends betraying him again, culminating when tubbo and fundy both seemingly betrayed him. he had an amazing way of keeping viewers on their toes and throwing surprises at us, while never even trying to hide those surprises in the first place.

tdlr: c!wilbur please come back and cc!wilbur also please come back. gary come home but its a cover by me titled ‘wilbur come home’

#wilbur soot #dream smp #Anonymous

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mt-words · 4 years ago

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This post is my attempt at making sense of why people were dissapointed by c!Techno and c!Philza’s reactions to c!Tommy’s death yesterday and why their responses make sense both in character and in the meta.

I'm making it out of desire for understanding within the fandom. I tried to reach out to people who were upset with the reactions because the last thing I want is to strawman anyone, but if you feel like I misinterpreted or missed anything please feel free to add on in the comments. I’m not here to judge morality or anything, just to show why things make sense from each character’s point of view.

TLDR; cc!Philza and cc!Techno chose this reaction and they had meta reasons to do so. It’s ok for characters to process things in different ways. It makes sense from the characters points of view to have conflicting or negative feelings about c!Tommy. Head canons are awesome, keep drawing and writing whatever makes you happy! That said, the creators are the authority on their characters as canon goes. Please respect them.

(for this section all names refer to ccs unless otherwise specified) In Philza’s Friday stream he mentioned that he had put some thought into how his character would respond to c!Tommy’s death. Based on all the donation asks he’s been getting in relation to c!Tommy and his reactions, I think it’s safe to say Philza is tired of people seeing his character only as being a bad father for c!Tommy. If you listen to his reaction, before c!Ranboo breaks the news he clarifies who they’re talking about with “that chaotic child?” His reaction was chosen to try to help people recognize that any family relationship between the two is not canon.

This can be confusing. As someone pointed out to me yesterday, there are a lot of moments that make it seem like c!Philza and c!Tommy have an important relationship like the friendship emeralds and him checking on them after the butcher army execution. There are also moments from the same time period that make it seem like they are total strangers, such as c!Tubbo asking for his opinion on L’manburg and c!Philza saying he disagreed with some things their vice president was doing.

It feels to me like Philza was trying to leave things open so that Tommy had room to do whatever he wanted about their relationship, but because no one clarified and no defining actions were taken he decided that the only relation between their characters is knowing each other through c!Wilbur (which honestly makes the most sense for his choices). The actions he takes now are to solidify that choice, and it feels like I’m still getting mixed signals on Tommy’s end but I’m sure the creators will work it out between themselves. Whatever they decide on, I’ll just be enjoying the ride.

Also, Techno and Philza needed to react in similar ways or whichever one didn’t show grief the way people wanted was going to be attacked with the evidence of the others reaction used to show why they were a terrible person.

(after this point names refer to the characters unless specified) People have talked about reactions to grief far better than I can, so in relation to it being ok for the characters to have different reactions than what people might expect I give you three posts if you’re interested. Heads up, the tone of the second post is a lot more vitriolic than what I normally go for.

Neurodivergence in relation to grief and other reactions

Denial being a valid response to grief (with neurodivergent understanding thrown in)

The lines that people are quoting from their responses weren’t their first reactions. Niki, Philza, and Techno all initially responded with shock and disbelief.

The final point I want to talk about is that it’s understandable for the characters to have mixed or negative feelings about Tommy. Disclaimer, having negative feelings about someone doesn’t generally mean you should celebrate their death, but these reactions seem more to me like a mix of disbelief and “eh, it’s not my problem. Moving on.” Also take into account the linked posts.

As discussed, cc!Philza has chosen for his relationship with Tommy to be that he was a friend of Wilbur and Phil didn’t know him very well, but now that Tommy betrayed his best friend he doesn’t really care about him. Philza is ancient. He’s seen a lot of people die, it doesn’t make sense for him to have a super strong reaction to someone’s death if he doesn’t have much attachment to them.

Techno is a bit more complicated here, people were disappointed in his lack of mourning because we know he has genuinely cared about Tommy in the past. May I propose that that genuine care made Tommy’s betrayal (at least from Techno’s point of view) hurt worse? Technoblade shows that he cares about people through actions because it’s hard for him to open up and make himself vulnerable, especially to someone who (from his perspective) has already betrayed him in the past. He shows care by helping people survive and succeed, both giving them the tools to do so and fighting by their side.

On the day of the green festival he gave Tommy his axe as a sign of trust, defended him and his integrity from a large group of enemies, and was even willing to go after Dream to help him accomplish his goals. Within less than a minute of deciding he didn’t want to fight for the disks, Tommy left Techno to fend for himself from that same group of enemies and refused to give back the weapon that had been given to show trust saying that he was “worthy” of it. I think it was the best decision he could have made under the circumstances, but you have to understand how that looks to Techno. So yes, he cared, but every expression of that care was thrown back in his face the second he wasn’t useful (or that’s the reasoning Techno took from it, we can see that it was more because of Tommy’s care for Tubbo). Then when he confronted Tommy on Doomsday Tommy still brought everything back to the disks.

Since then they have only interacted through Tommy apologizing in a way that seems pretty insincere (from Technoblade's pov) as a distraction while stealing from Techno and the invitation to the hotel. People are always talking about character development, let Techno have more than two streams to try to get through all those complicated emotions. Of course he isn’t going to process all of this in front of two people he only recently started to trust.

We know that Tommy has regrets on how their relationship ended, but Techno doesn’t know that and even if he did it would make sense for him to have reservations.

I’m not trying to say anyone is a good person because of how they reacted, their failings make them interesting. This post was made out of genuine confusion that people expected or wanted different reactions from what we got. I hope this clears things up a little, please feel free to share your own opinions!

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redeemed-wren · 4 years ago

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What up lads new Philza Lore dropped

Been thinking about this since it's been revealed that c!Phil is immortal, or at least centuries old. I like analysing things, and my brain has been chugging away analysing c!Phil since this new revelation and I finally found time to sit down and get my thoughts out.

Unless specified, I'll be talking about the character Philza from now on! Let's get into it. Putting a cut in because it gets long. Also most of this is gonna be from memory because it's getting late and I'm not digging through 4+ months of vods!

remind me to never use the new Beta posting layout it gave me a word limit and then yeeted like 800 words i hate it here lets see if i can remember what I wrote

I’ve moved a lot in my life. I think on average about one new city every four years. This has meant a lot of goodbyes, a lot of meeting new people and breaking into new circles. When this new information was revealed, I instantly felt things click - I could relate to Phil suddenly.

Being centuries-old would create similar emotions, I think. Constantly being around people you know you will outlive, constantly finding yourself in new circles and groups. It takes a toll.

Being centuries old effects how Phil views relationships, people and countries.

Because I’ve moved a lot, I’ve noticed that I’m starting to get the attitude of ‘I can’t be bothered.’ I can’t be bothered going out of my way to meet new people, to make new friends I’m likely to move away from in a few years.

I’d imagine Phil would feel much the same way. Making close connections to people is impossible for him, really. He knows he’s going to outlive those around him and so the effort to put into growing relationships seems pointless.

I think this is most seen in his and Wilbur’s relationship. Wilbur clearly wants his attention - his pride - and clearly hasn’t gotten it to the extent he wants. (“I wonder if Phil would be proud of me” comes to mind. Plus I’m sure there’s something there with his relationship with Fundy and that cycle of bad parenting. And yes, it likely contributed to his spiral into madness, but this post is about Phil, not Wilbur.) But from Phil’s perspective, he knows Wilbur isn’t going to live as long as he is.

It explains why he’s so quick to kill Wilbur as well. Wilbur is too far gone, and Phil makes the decision to kill him before he does more harm. He’s long ago accepted the fact that his son will die before him, and so he is able to kill him.

Likewise, his relationship with Tommy reflects this. He doesn’t reach out to Tommy because there’s no point in making a new bond with someone who he will outlive. (especially with Wilbur’s death so fresh). However, he does make it clear that if Tommy reached out to him, he would have answered - more on that later.

His age also means he’s always looking at the big picture. He’s likely seen countless countries and empires and kingdoms rise and fall and he knows that they’re all temporary. He doesn’t see the importance in them like those who live and die within the lifespan of a nation.

He doesn’t see the small details. He doesn’t understand why Ghostbur is so upset about a simple sheep’s death - one with unlimited lives as well. In his mind, it’s just an animal. In Ghostbur’s mind, Friend is a friend, an important small thing. Phil is so used to moving on from things, he doesn’t understand the importance of pets and nations and a home.

This is all temporary in his mind, and lives are more important to him than a country. L’manberg was corrupting people (Tubbo, quite possible Wilbur in his mind) and thus it didn’t serve its purpose and needed to go before it hurt more people. (plus I wonder if there were some underlying anger and frustration towards L’manberg for the loss of his wings. It’s basically canon now (everyone say thank you Sadist!) that Phil’s wings were damaged during the explosion, and I would imagine for someone so old, losing limbs like wings and being grounded would be a shock and some of that may have been projected onto L’manberg)

(I also want to talk briefly about his and Techno’s relationship. While we haven’t had any canon confirmation, I don’t think Techno is fully mortal and it makes sense for Phil to gravitate towards other ancient beings. Plus my friend pointed out another theory in that Phil could be a patron of some kind for Techno, something Blood God related, I don’t know we need more information Techno please give us character lore I beg of you)

OKAY! I rewrote what I already had sometimes I hate Tumblr anyway onward let’s write this out before I pass out I’m tired.

Phil is willing to create relationships - but on his terms.

I said Phil is distant and hesitate to create bonds with people but this isn’t necessarily true. I want to point out Fundy and Ranboo and talk about his interactions with them and then talk about Tommy.

At the start of season two, Fundy, Ghostbur and Phil were really driving the lore. Phil seemed to be trying to bond with Fundy, and I think a lot of that likely had to do with guilt from what happened to Wilbur but there’s something deeper to it. He makes an effort to be there for Fundy and to help him.

Likewise, he went out of his way to save Ranboo from lava (though the overlap for in character and ooc is large there, I think it still applies), and brought him home after Doomsday, saving him from his own mind.

Phil seems himself as a benevolent being. He sees himself as right, and part of that is being there for his grandson, or helping out a hybrid in trouble.

However, it’s important to note - this is on his terms. He’s lived so long, he doesn’t want to put energy into relationships that won’t give him back something. For Fundy, I think a lot of it was making up for what happened with Wilbur and family responsibility, but he enjoyed spending time with Fundy (it’s been a while I need to rewatch some of those vods I think).

With Ranboo, again I feel like there’s a small part in fulfilling some need of Phil’s to feel like he’s being ‘good’ and plucking this kid out of a warzone makes him feel good. But at the same time, Ranboo is polite, quiet, generous - the perfect kind of person to put energy into building a relationship with. Plus, I would not be surprised if Ranboo reminds him of Techno.

If a relationship takes too much, or isn’t worth it - Phil drops it and doesn’t bother trying to fix what is broken. Why would he? He’s just going to outlive whatever the problem is. He lived in L’manberg, but he was never a part of it. He dismissed Tubbo so quickly when he saw Tubbo was being corrupted by his power and position. He didn’t follow up on Fundy or check that he was okay or make any effort to reach out to him when things started to go down.

And that brings us to Tommy. We’re all upset at how Phil reacted to Tommy’s exile and the following, but I think it makes so much sense. Like I said before, he doesn’t put the effort into reaching out to Tommy, but he would have gone to the Beach Party if Tommy had reached out to him. He was happy to see Tommy at Techno’s place, he was willing to create that relationship and bond.

But from Phil’s pov, Tommy was thrown aside by his home, found shelter with Techno, and then betrayed Techno by siding with the people who threw him aside. (and Techno is loyal to the few he trusts, so a betrayal like that will hit hard and Phil can see that). It makes sense that Phil decides that isn’t a relationship he wants to put energy into fixing.

(Also to clarify, I’m not saying Tommy was wrong to side with L’manberg and Tubbo, or that Techno was right in lashing out like he did. I’m just saying it’s a complex issue, and seeing all sides of it is important - they were both betrayed that day).

Living so long means Phil only cares to put effort and energy into relationships that benefit him, in whatever way. If someone is too difficult or needs too much effort, then in Phil’s mind there’s no reason to pursue that relationship.

Being so old makes Phil overly confident in himself.

Philza is always in the right. Full stop. End of story.

He’s lived so long and has so much more experience than anyone else that he thinks he is in the right all the time. His fatal flaw is his pride and - much like Techno - he refuses to see anything from anyone else’s point of view.

He saw L’manberg’s corruption, saw that it as a nation was hurting people and made the decision that it was doing more hurt than good so of course he joined Techno and Dream in destroying it.

He sees the big picture and so of course Friend’s death doesn’t matter, Friend was just an animal. Ghostbur is too naive and foolish to understand that now.

Unless he learns to listen and see someone else’s point of view - which will be very hard, because he’s so old and connecting with people is hard for him - he’s going to continue to think he’s always in the right.

Conclusion

There’s a few things I want to see/think might happen with Phil’s character, one more likely than the other.

First off - Karl.

If anyone knows how to look at the big picture, if anyone knows how insignificant the simple things are and how pointless it can be sometimes it’s the server’s resident time traveller. But where Karl differs from Phil is that he cares.

Karl goes out of his way to help, risks his memory and sanity to make things better for his friends. Pours time and effort and energy into relationships that may be onesided or temporary - heck, have you seen how much effort he goes to to be liked by everyone? Sometimes too much.

I’d love to see some Karl and Phil interaction. Maybe in a Tales episode (young Phil? Backstory? Maybe?) or even in regular canon. It’s unlikely probably, but I think it could be an interesting discussion. Someone write a fic.

Secondly - death.

CC!Phil has made it no secret that his character is probably going to die at some point (if only for ghost WINGSSSS). Honestly? I think it could be a great direction to take the character.

If Phil could find something worth dying for, could find the joys in the small things, could focus on the little details enough to realize - ‘oh. This does matter’ I honestly think that would be cool. A sacrificial death, maybe even for something as ‘insignificant’ as a pet (although pets can be important on this server). I’m not sure, but I think making peace with death would be a great way to take an immortal character’s arc.

There’s more I could talk about - for instance, I haven’t even mentioned the ‘not as painful as what I inflicted on their enemies’ comment and Phil’s whole ‘angel of death’ vibe, or the fact that he’s always only had one life. But it’s getting late and I’ve been writing this for like an hour and a half and I’m really tired. Feel free to add on!

#dream smp #dsmp #mcyt #philza #philza minecraft #this was fun #please reblog i put a lot of effort into this and i'd love people to see it!#let me know what you think ^-^#i'm going to have to find some songs and write something at some point probably #anyway sleep time #this is nearly 2000 words guys #im putting my highschool english essay skills to very good use

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drawing-way-outside-the-lines · 4 years ago

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Indefinite Hiatus.

To anyone reading this, I ask that you respectfully do not reblog this post, as it is very personal, thank you. That being said, the post is long, I’m a writer, what do you expect? But there were so many things I needed to get of my chest, whether anyone reads it all or not, simply doesn’t matter. I had to speak it all out, in order to move on. I will as such hide it under a cut, in case anyone should be curious why I am going on hiatus. Which I don’t usually do, I tend to just take off for a couple of days when things bother me enough to leave. But I thought this time I had to make an announcement, as it is quite possible I am simply just done with this place, and wont be returning. I simply don’t know at the moment, and none of what I write in this post, is written as a form of attention seeking, nor a way for me to get people to show me attention or beg me to stay. If I’m going, I’m going, and there’s nothing anyone can say that would make me stay. I simply make the announcement out of the respect for the few followers I still have some respect for. I wont just up and leave with no word when there’s people on here I still care about. So to be abundantly clear. This is a hiatus. I might be back. I might not be back. Only time will tell. I may some days hang around to check up on cc, you may even see me reply a person here and there, and not reply others. This isn’t anything personal towards anyone. I am simply a person who constantly bend over backwards for everyone else, then push myself repeatedly aside. And I am officially done with it. From now on if you see me online, on any sort of platform, I will not feel bad in any sort of way for not being available, simply because I am online. From now on I will only engage in things that resonate with me, when they resonate with me. Anything else steals my peace. And I no longer want to allow that. I might be gone a couple days, I might be gone a month. Maybe you wont ever see me return, and that’s that. I will take the time I need, even if that means for good. I will no longer put others before my own well being. I might even come by to reblog this post a few times, simply for the fact that I spent many hours, weighing my words, trying to make them as polite, yet clear as possible. I spent lots of time and energy on this, so if I during my hiatus come by to reblog it, it’s not a way to seek attention, or more likes/comments. It’s simply that I made a large effort, and I want as many of my followers to read this, so there’s no confusion as to why I am suddenly gone. If you want me to clarify further than that/you’re curious what finally made a “kind” person give up, it’s all below the cut:

I’ve been sitting on this for a couple days. Debating on whether I should say something or not. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to be as transparent as possible, in hopes that, it may, help someone else avoid being in a similar situation. Maybe someone will learn something along these lines of words I so carefully have put together. Preventing someone else from getting hurt. One can hope. And I also hope by speaking up, I can release the negativity I have been carrying, and set it free. Preventing it from weighing me further down. A few days ago, I entered one of my oldest characters, Odette, into a model casting, for Billsims. An experience that should have been fun and enjoyable, but instead resulted in making the decision to pull Odette out of the casting, to avoid Billsims potentially getting in trouble. You see, on the application info post, Billsims mentioned that it would be nice if a bit of info would be written about the sim we would enter, but it wasn’t a must. I decided, as a writer, to write a bit about my character, cause you betcha, as soon as someone mentions they might want a few words about a character of mine, -and my words start spilling like iced tea on a hot summers day! So I added the basic info I thought Odette herself would find important. Among that, I mentioned she’s a ‘Romanian Gypsy’. I did this to best clarify what Ethnicity she has, and what she classifies herself as. If I had simply written ‘Roma/Romani’, many people might not have understood what was meant. And I wanted to be as clear as possible about her, plus the word Gypsy, is simply what she has chosen for herself. I furthermore added she’s a proud woman, and a Pagan. Surprise surprise, someone didn’t like this info, and decided it was okay to point that out on my application post. I still don’t understand some people’s need to constantly nitpick at anything they see online, specially in public, and specially when it comes to people simply having a hobby, enjoying said hobby peacefully, without harming anyone. Now, the post is still up on my blog, the comments are still there. Anyone is free to go have a look if they wish to know exactly what was said. But that being said, I hope and would like to think my followers are old enough to not attack anyone. Please. It wont solve anything. I also ask that no one bother Billsims about the matter, he was perfectly wonderful about it all, and had no issue with neither me, nor Odette. I was the one who decided to pull her out of the casting, in order to protect him, he even told me I was more than welcome to enter someone else. I decided against that however, to protect my peace. Something a very wise person told me to do. Thank you. I stopped replying to the person after my first reply, simply cause I saw no reason to engage in a debate that would lead nowhere. It seemed as if they already had a rather twisted view of me or my character or what was going on, quite possible a mix of it all? So I let them stay in their belief. Trying to convince them otherwise seemed like a tedious task, I had no energy to take on. And I instead went for advice from a trusted person, and enjoyed a long peaceful and uplifting conversation, rather than a fruitless quarrel with someone that was already so sure I was out there doing all sorts of harmful things through my character. I suppose the person commenting wasn’t a follower of mine, and if they were, I cannot imagine them to be a longtime follower. You see, I am aware Gypsy by now is often seen as a ‘slur word’, as this person was trying to educate me. I do not write something into my characters without making at least some sort of research first. Had this person been a long term follower, they would have known, I rarely ever use that word. As a matter of fact, not so long ago, I posted the bio of another character, Gabriella, she was also listed as ‘Romanian Gypsy’. So is the rest of the Lupei clan that both Odette and Gabriella belong to. They have always been listed as such. Ever since I started on Simblr 5 years ago. No one has ever commented on it before. And when I posted Gabriella’s bio earlier this Autumn, I was even met with surprise that I have Roma characters. So it seems, even long term followers hadn’t noticed. Which must mean, I am certainly not a person spreading the word around. It’s not the first time, I have had to get ‘whipped over the back of my head with a wet newspaper,’ by someone who thought I needed some schooling. I have had that experience twice before. So 3 times in total the 5 years I’ve been here. What a rebel I must be, since I have had to be corrected so many times. Once for having many gay characters in Polyamorous relationships. Once for having twins/blood related characters dating each other, and was as result accused of saying incest is right and spreading it as if everyone should be doing it. Which I never did, and never would. We have Game Of Thrones doing that already. First of, I simply don’t agree with that. I don’t think incest is right. However, I also don’t think it is wrong, if the people involved love each other and can make it work. And yes, that is possible. The person getting their panties in a twist over River and Jackall being a couple, did mention they had experienced incest close hand, so I do wanna defend them, and give them their space to be outraged, since I could understand it was a trigger for them. However, I cannot prevent everyone’s triggers, nor is it my job to do so. It is up to you to avoid your triggers, and to find a way to deal with them, so when someone does trigger you, you can handle yourself the best way possible. The whole world is never gonna wrap you in cotton. You need to wrap yourself. It took me no more than 2 minutes to find a very informative Wiki article about how incest IN FACT can be between two consensual adults, which the individual claimed could NEVER exist. Furthermore it can happen between two consensual adults whom happen to love each other just as dearly as two people in a completely “normal” relationship can. Two minutes research was all it took. Imagine if people would do just a minimum effort of research BEFORE they start attacking other people. Imagine a world like that. By all means, if I were out there on the street corners of the world, with pamphlets promoting incest, drag me to a side and slap me. That aint cool. But I am just over here, in my quiet little corner, doing my own thing, which btw you are more than allowed to disagree with, but don’t come knocking on my door with your disagreement. The very few posts I have ever shown of my incestuous couples, have all been very tasteful. And although it is mentioned on each characters bio, whom they are in a relationship with, I think it’s been years since I last even posted a pic of any of said people. I have posted far worse things, and no one ever mate as much as a squeak about it. Still, you are allowed to disagree, I just wish you would handle it in a better way than schooling everyone who does something you mildly (or even strongly) disagree with, and save the schooling for the real issues such as child pornography, Nazi’s, global warming, racism, whether people should wear a mask or not, and any sort of abuse/bullying. Here’s three alternatives I welcome on the other hand: 1. Scroll on. (I have talked with several of my long term followers, and they have confirmed they don’t always agree with the things I post, but they follow anyway, because they enjoy the majority of what I post, and the rest they simply scroll past. It doesn’t ruin their day, or their enjoyment of following my blog in general.) 2. Unfollow. You are always more than welcome to unfollow A-NY-THING on social media, if you do not like what you are seeing. When you subscribe to something/someone, the moment you no longer enjoy what you are seeing, you always have the chance of unfollowing. It’s not a permanent subscription for the rest of your life. Nor a chance for you to try to change what others are posting about. Specially as long as it isn’t harming anyone. 3. Block. The button exist on the vast majority of social media for a reason. Use it if you believe something or someone is so bad that it/they steal your sunshine. Block block block, and move away from it. If you keep hanging onto something you have blocked, what’s the point really? You’re still allowing it to affect you. Move on. And for the umpteenth time, even if my characters does something/say something/engage in something, doesn’t necessarily have to mean I agree with them/their choices/their lifestyle. With some things I do, others I don’t. I’m a writer. I enjoy writing things that challenges me, and challenges the reader. I simply don’t find joy in writing the typical white picket fence story where everyone fits into society, and everything is butterflies and Dandelions. But at the same time, I also don’t run around nitpicking at the people who do enjoy writing or reading these types of stories. The thing is, it’s fiction, right? I’m not writing about real life characters. So I ask you, do you believe every piece of fiction you have ever read? Does Lord Of The Rings or Harry Potter align with real life? If you can say no to that, then why on earth are you so dead sure that the fiction I write align with reality? For the last time, I do NOT agree with incest. For my characters, which btw doesn’t end at just River and Jackall, I do believe in it, simply for the circumstances of how the relationships happened. But you would have to read my whole story to finally understand it all. But I am not cramming it down your throat, specially if you have already made it clear you disagree. To that I once again want to add, my story is nowhere public, so I am really not in any way educating anyone on incest or ‘Gypsies’ or polyamory or anything else. I think polyamory is cool for the people who enjoy it. Have I personally ever been in a poly relationship? No. But I am at the belief people can do with their private life what they wish, as long as they aren’t harming anyone and everyone involved agrees. And to get back to what this post originally was intended to be about, the matter on Odette’s post, I have a few last things I need to say before I put the matter to rest: I'm not representing all of Romani, when I speak for my character(s). I never once mentioned this is how all Romani is. So if that’s what you read, that is on you and the words you add to mine, not my actual words or intention. I'm simply allowing my character and her family to be whatever they want to be, and call themselves however they see fit. As long as they are good kind people, it shouldn't matter much what they call themselves, as long as they don't use slur words for others. I never once claimed that all Romani is Pagan. Odette is. Her father or twin brother, isn't. Odette comes from a mixed background, and is as such a mix herself. And how beautiful is that? Wouldn't it be a shame, if we were only ever allowed to be just one thing in this life? I am not out here educating people on Romani culture, I am not calling people Gypsy in real life, nor do I do it online. In fact I don't call anyone anything in real life, cause people's skin tones simply doesn't matter that much to me. We are all just shades. No shade is more important than the other. We are all decaying plant food. Really. Odette has proudly chosen this word for herself, just as her family before her has been proud to do so. I have in no way portrayed my characters in the meaning of any sort of slur word. They are all highly intelligent well educated people. Odette is under education as a nurse. Her father is a well known and well respected doctor. Furthermore, they are all shape-shifters, whom can shift into very large wolves. Odette’s father being the Alpha. Wait, does that mean I am calling all Romani werewolves? It’s fiction. I am not standing on some stool somewhere preaching to anyone. I’m just me and my characters. I keep it between them and I 99% of the time. My roomie has a friend whom proudly calls herself a Gypsy. She has family whom proudly call themselves Gypsies. So not everyone views this word as bad. And yes there are real life people out there, who sees the word as positive and call themselves by it. Are you going to run after them too, and dictate what they are allowed to call themselves? Or is that only reserved for Simblr’s you disagree with? You simply can’t box up a whole minority like that and claim the word is always offensive and no one is allowed to use a specific word to describe themselves. Furthermore: Mixed background/ethnicity/religious beliefs/spiritual beliefs is a thing in the real world too, not something I made up over night to harm anyone. 'Gypsy' has never been said as a slur word coming from me, it was never ill-intended, and never will be, just like gay never will be said as a slur or ill-intention coming from me. Yet gay is also a word that has quite often been used as a slur. And still is. So, should we stop using it all together? No. It can be said in good intention, and in bad, it all depends on the person using the word. And people should surely be allowed to call themselves gay, shouldn’t they? Never have any of my Romani characters been portrayed in a bad light. (Or gay characters for that matter, but that's not what the subject is about) And if they ever would be portrayed in a bad light, it would certainly have nothing to do with them being Romani. I personally see no point in that. My story and my characters are a source of joy for me, I have no intention of bringing racism into it. Now, we can agree that the word Gypsy is by now used as a slur, but it wasn't originally a slur, and once again, I do believe a person is allowed to call themselves whatever they may wish. Odette and her family wouldn't call other people Gypsies, unless they knew they were okay with it, and proud. Added to that, I do not believe a word can be racist or a slur in itself. A word is just a word. A string of consonants and vowels tied together to create a sound. It's the person using the word, who gives it ill-intentions, not the word itself, unless it was deliberately created with the only intention of hurting. Which as far as I am aware, wasn't the origin of the word Gypsy. 'Roma (Gypsies) originated in the Punjab region of northern India as a nomadic people and entered Europe between the eighth and tenth centuries C.E. They were called "Gypsies" because Europeans mistakenly believed they came from Egypt. This minority is made up of distinct groups called "tribes" or "nations." Most of the Roma in Germany and the countries occupied by Germany during World War II belonged to the Sinti and Roma family groupings. Both groups spoke dialects of a common language called Romani, based on Sanskrit (the classical language of India). The term "Roma" has come to include both the Sinti and Roma groupings, though some Roma prefer being known as "Gypsies." ' - Source: https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/roma-gypsies-in-prewar-europe So to really boil this whole thing down to the bone, so hopefully this wont ever be an issue again: I do not use the word Gypsy in my day to day life. By creating a character who addresses herself as Gypsy AND also happens to be a Pagan, I do NOT in any way indicate that all ‘Gypsies’ are Pagans. I simply state that my character is. Nothing more, nothing less. I do not agree with incest in real life, though I do believe people are allowed to do with their private life as they see fit, as long as they aren’t harming others, and everyone involved is agreeing. I do not promote Poly relationships. Although once again, I’m a firm believer that people are allowed to do with their private life as they see fit yadda yadda... I do not promote being gay or any other sort of sexuality for that matter. Not that I have ever been accused of that, but I wanted to cover it anyway, cause who knows, it might be the next one I should get corrected for. I have a few times mentioned being trans, that was also not in any way a promotion. I do not promote Necrophilia. And here I really must snort. Some years ago (on an old blog, not this one) some very dear followers of mine, gently persuaded me to make some rather graphic pictures of my character Raven, literally f*ck*ng some corpses. It was posted in October as some satirical Halloween-ish post, as far as I remember, and was started from a simple question of, IF, it could be done in ts3? I was then challenged to do it. I did. People clapped. I’m sure others cried. But to my surprise my follower numbers didn’t drop, they increased? No one came running to ‘teach me a lesson’. No one came around to tell me what my demon was allowed to do or not. He was free to do whatever/whomever he wanted. And that’s the thing. There’s so many things in my story, and about my characters, that you don’t know. Cause I don’t post it out there for everyone to see. Cause I am not trying to promote a thing. I am simply here to challenge myself, and along that line challenge the few people I ever trusted to be my readers. You see, I don’t write for the numbers, meaning I don’t write a story that is meant to have a large following. I write for me, cause it is one of the only things that has ever helped me get through life, and fight some of my inner demons, to fight complications, to fight grief, to cope with all sorts of personal things I’m going through, and to have a place to escape to when life is too scary. I write for the content, the depth, for me, not for the fame, not for likes, not for anyone else. This is mine, and I don’t promote it on any scale, I keep 99% of it in private, and the rest I do air in public I air on a very minimal scale. If you decide to get offended about the fact that I drizzled a specific word once on a post, and a handful of times on my personal bios, well, that’s on you. It’s not a word I am out there spreading like a wildfire. People that has followed me for years never saw it till recently. Which should really speak loud of how little that word has ever come from me. I’m a respectable person. I do my best to respect everyone around me. At any time. Even when people don’t deserve an ounce of my respect. But that does not mean I should be weighed down with the burden of never offending anyone, cause then I might as well never speak again. Fact is, now more than ever, people are so offended by almost anything they can come across on social media. Jumping to conclusions here and there, when all they could do is simply ask, before getting offended and as a result decide to school or attack everyone around them. For no one to ever get offended again, we should all log out, and never sign in again. Why does it have to go to these extremes where no one can speak a word any longer, cause everything is an offense, a trigger, a slur? So I stay here in my little corner, doing me, doing my characters the way I like them. It is up to you to agree or disagree. You are free. But don’t come at me expecting I’ll change a thing for you. Cause you will only get disappointed. These people and their story is my way to cope with life, and as long as I am not out there shouting slur words at people or promoting certain ways of lifestyle, or deliberately harming anyone in any form of way, I cannot see why I shouldn’t be allowed. Just as you are allowed to do your own coping. Just as you are always allowed to scroll on, unfollow or even block things/people, you disagree with. Odette stays the way she is. So does the rest of my characters. It wont ever change because someone disagrees. The only way my characters change, is by character development, which mostly they decide for themselves. And I simply don’t see it in the cards that Odette will wake up and not feel Gypsy or stop using that word to describe herself, cause she personally sees nothing negative in it. Nor will she stop being Pagan because her mixed religion/background is making you uncomfortable. There’s plenty Christians out there, with Jesus or Bible quotes tattooed on them, yet Leviticus 19:28 say: Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord. Interpret that the way you want it. But allow my character to do her religion the way SHE sees fit, simply for the fact that I am sure you want the same respect. I will not ever change my characters or my story for anyone but myself. You can express your dislike from here and until you get tired of repeating yourself, you can unfollow, you can block, you can even report me and get my posts taken down. You can even take it as far as getting my blog shut down. It wont make a difference. My story has been written for 6 years, some characters was written even longer than that. The story is over 200 book-length-chapters, close to 300 as a matter of fact. If I should change anything for a person I don’t even know, it would be almost 300 chapters I would have to reread and rewrite. Would you do that for some person that came by a post of yours, disagreeing with the way you portrait your own original character? If your answer is yes, I truly feel sorry for you. Lastly I want to say, try to be kind. Try to breath before you go and attack someones way of doing their own thing. Before you accuse someone of portraying something a certain way, maybe take a look at the persons previous work. Is it a one time thing, or is it a reoccurring matter? It may just be an itsy bitsy thing that you are blowing out of proportions, sorta like entering a conversation you know nothing about and then start correcting people left and right. It makes little to no sense, and in most cases, even if you might be meaning well, you end up doing more harm than good. Like in this case. You didn’t get to teach someone something they didn’t already know. You didn’t stop someones inappropriate behavior. What you did on the other hand, was extinguishing someones last spark. Their last will to keep going. You take that to the bank now, and be proud of yourself. Was it worth it? You can always accuse and assume. You’re free to do just that. But maybe in the future, try to replace accuse and assume with politely asking if your ‘concern’ is valid or not. Try to be mindful, try to be kind, try to consider that maybe the person you are about to put on the school bench/attack/bully or whatever you are about to do, is fighting an invisible battle you know nothing about. Maybe you are going to be the last straw for them. So try to weigh it all, is your righteous crusade worth it? Is it worth it to spill your two cents on a possible harmless matter, just so you can feel you fought a righteous battle and took someone ‘evil’ down, whom in fact were just trying their best to survive, by doing the one thing that helps them through it all, in their own little corner, harming no one. You know, there are tons of people like that out there. Making someone online feel so absolutely useless/worthless that they end up taking their own lives. Then blame the victims for it. Now, I might be a pretty strong person, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be at the end of my rope, and you simply don’t know. Do you? Thank you for taking your time to extinguish my last spark.

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