#but peoples health always comes first
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I’ve seen the hate the some of the Lockwood and Co fans have been getting for them posting about how being in the Lockwood and Co fandom is starting to feel like a job and i wanna say i agree with them.
No hate to anyone but i actually never really participated in the weekly hashtag because i know, for me, if i did do that, i think it would have made the fandom not as enjoyable as it is for me today!
Like don’t get me wrong, i think it’s amazing like with the premonition we are getting like, we convinced Alex Meyers to watch this show and he liked enough to make a video on Lockwood and Co! That’s huge premonition, and i think we should be proud!
But this premonition stuff can get to the point where it can really be affecting a persons mental health, and that’s where you do whatever you need to do take a break, even leave the fandom, if that’s what’s best for your health, you should absolutely always being taking you health first.
What i’ve been doing is i just post about Lockwood and Co whenever i feel like it (which is honestly quite often). You don’t have to be actively promoting the show for you to be a part of the Lockwood and Co fandom, and the way people are getting hate for simply stating their opinion is absolutely insane!
My favourite thing about the Lockwood and Co is the fandom! I love talking to people about Lockwood and Co, just about random things! I like occasional making edits for the show and books, but if it comes in way of your mental health, this shouldn’t be a debate because YOU COME FIRST!! YOU take YOUR break or whatever that you need to do because you deserve it okay!! I love all of the Lockwood and Co fandom and it breaks my heart then any of these creators are getting hate!
#i’m not saying you should stop promoting it#but dont hate others because of their opinion on this#i love the show so much and i would love to see it get saved#but peoples health always comes first#lockwood and co nation#lockwood and co#locklyle#lucy carlyle#anthony lockwood#save lockwood and co#lockwood & co#lockwood and lucy#george cubbins#george karim
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like. it’s lovely that you’re enjoying the deadpool/wolverine shipping. but it’s still a marvel movie. i thought we were supposed to be boycotting marvel bc they have an israeli character?
hm. i already spoke about this but im just gonna be honest. you cannot deprive yourself of every. single. fucking. thing. and i am so fucking tired of policing people that are already doing shit for enjoying a single thing that isn't even involved with it.
i dont really talk a lot about what i do, because i dont think i have to justify how i live my life (something about good people dont have to brag about how good they are), but im already boycotting mcdonalds, im already boycotting starbucks, sodastream, burger king, phillips, airb&b, as much of nestle as possible, and every other company i can reasonably boycott. im donating to fundraisers and pleas for help. i donate to the pcrf. i donate to demining ukraine. i donate to greenpeace and a national cancer fund. i go to protests and demonstrations, i participate in community efforts, i share resources and fundraisers and verified information. im rallying for voters, i'm involved in my local community's green party. you dont see what i, or my friends, or other random internet users, are doing behind the scenes.
i am stretched fucking thin, my bank account is dwindling to keep up with everything. im going through insane health scares right now, chronic pain, anxiety so severe i want to fucking die, and a major chronic depressive episode to top it all off, i. am. exhausted.
you cannot deprive yourself of everything because when you do, there'll be nothing left of you. and who the fuck are you going to help then? the world is still happening, it's still turning despite the wars and genocides, despite the rising death toll of climate change, despite the threats to democracy. all we can do is put our effort where our mouth is, and take care of ourselves.
#i think the marvel boycot was also for a specific movie that came out earlier this year#it does not apply to all of marvel#and even if it does. im sorry for spending 13 euros on a fucking movie ticket and drawing fanart of the only thing that can take my fucking#mind off the fact i might have a very serious health condition. im sorry for enjoying something i guess.#and i GET that you're most definitely coming from a place of good heartedness. but genuinely youre the so manyth person coming into my inbox#to scrutinize my actions on a fucking ship and my like for actor men#you know how in an emergency situation you are ALWAYS supposed to care for yourself first? it applies here too.#that may sound harsh. it may sound heartless. but if you are not there anymore it's one less person that can help#bad anon ❌#and don't worry. i dont consider myself good people 👍
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Fixed the door that Johnathan had slipped through, not letting that happen again!
#dracula daily#dracula#re: dracula#may 18th#it's going to be all ooc after this tag on this post so feel free to ignore as i babble on about graduation and breathy mention mental heal#i graduated high school yesterday#which feels completely wild because their was a point in my life where i thought i wouldn't ever see it due to some mental health stuff#it just feels so serial to be here and be getting ready for college come fall#dracula daily has been with me for most of highschool#i first entered the fandom just after my sophomore year when i made my first tumblr account#i read it every day during lunch junior year when i had no friends with the same lunch hour#it's meant a lot to me and will always be connected to a certain time in my life#highschool wasn't great but i had some amazing teachers and made friends i hope to keep for the rest of my life#thank you too all of you lovely dracula people for making me smile all these years#i'm excited to keep reading and making silly jokes as i head into the world
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people are trying to cancel chappell roan just because she canceled a show BECAUSE of her mental health??
someone said "well, this is very unprofessional of her!!!" stfu.
#she literally got stalked#harassed#etc.#wheres the empathy???#chappell roan#chapell roan#rant#ik people bought their tickets and its upsetting news but#her health is way more important than that give her a break#and that should always come first above ANYTHING#in my opinion
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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I have a Mighty Need for your First Time for Everything continuation.
You and me both, Poni! (there would be a crying laughing emoji here if I was on mobile)
I made like barely any headway yesterday on part 3, but I'm still trying to juggle not sleeping well with work + school, so unfortunately fun things like writing and hopefully soon drawing are taking a backseat for the time being.
Kind of.
I'm still making time for it, but I also can't afford to like... dedicate as much time as I'd want to solely to writing fun stuff. The inspiration is there beneath all the extra shit, it's just hard to say 'Alright here's my hour or two of writing time!' when I'm exhausted and frankly too brain-dead to think and write cohesively.
Plus, I've been chronically online for a long, long time and I'm kinda trying to shift that this year because being online for too long (especially in a community like this) isn't healthy for me personally. I just tend to get sucked in and spend hours doing absolutely nothing productive or even relaxing or fun. It's purely doomscrolling.
Anyway, TL;DR: Part 3 is in the works but I have no definite date, nor will I have one until I can settle a lot of stuff outside of this space. It's super nice to know that someone's looking forward to it though! :3
#greyrambles;#greyanswers;#tbh if it weren't for this fic and the small community of chill people i like on here i'd... probably delete this blog#it's kinda hard to like feel i belong anywhere online these days when it comes to bigger groups of people#like jack/septiceye posted a video today talking about how being on the internet feels SO anxiety inducing now-a-days#and it struck a chord with me bc that's how i feel when i log onto here#who unfollowed me who blocked me who sent me a shitty message and tbh?#i don't need that in my life#it's why i deleted MOST of my other social medias in the first place#some people weren't meant to be so overloaded with information and contact and shit#it just drains me#BUT#There are parts i would miss deeply like getting to connect with people who also like stuff i enjoy too!#and the fire prompts/takes#so it's like i'm /here/ but my time is limited for my own health#which should and is always going to take priority over any content i may make :3
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puppets bunker and ddos attacks have never been so much fun
#me holding my alliance like a squeaky toy and only getting one commend for it#I held you together. I raised u. I saved u and this is the thanks I get#but no I fuck around and find out for funsies and it’s like. six commends#anyway I was telling my friend like. I don’t have to think—#okay both healers die in alliance C and I rez one#I look back at my own alliance and half of everyone is dead. co-healer included#and then a bunch of them die again on the same mech#we almost die to the flyers not being killed bc the other alliances are dying#we get to the alliance split and our tank has an issue come up so he has to afk#so I’m keeping this ninja alive on a prayer#then half of the alliance dies again bc they went the wrong way w the arrow chaser aoes#that happened twice. there was a 30 percent boss health percentage difference going on#the icing on the cake tho was after the phase change in the final boss—boom ddos attack#so many people disconnecting. so many dying#alliance B lost everyone but the dps#it was carnage and I’m sitting here like. trying to keep everyone alive#tho like. Im not mad or upset about it tbh#it’s the sort of healer chaos where you’re sitting there juggling a bunch of stuff#that scratches the peanut of my brain#it’s much better chaos compared to CT raid chaos#mostly bc shield healers are the most fun at those levels compared to regen. to me at the very least#I have more resources at 80 w whm compared to 50 when shit hits the fan#but also pressing more than two buttons is more fun#CT just becomes utterly unbearable when you have people causing problems on purpose#when it is not an agreed upon clown time#ppl always talk about how bosses in nier have too much health when im like#im glad for it bc i like seeing mechanics#I love myths of the realm but when the final boss of the first raid can be killed before the most interesting mechanic is kinda#it’s kinda dogshit#owen talks
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Life is so hard and painful (in the literal sense) that I can't help but think I must have done something really awful and that the Universe/God/Some-other-higher-power is punishing me by making me live in a human body.
I'm just so sick and tired.
#vent post#sorry I'm just in so much physical pain lately#I've never had a healthy body and i come from a long line of disabled people but i specifically seem to have it the worst#and I'd never tell anyone not to have children but jesus fuck i wish i could go back in time and tell my parents not to have me#i keep getting mysterious new conditions that HAVE a family precedent but it's like 'oh yeah great grandpa had something like that.#we just thought he was a bit quirky lol. what did he do about it? oh he was just in pain all the time until he died.'#if those conditions at least stayed stable but they're getting worse by the month. i always thought my mental health would kill me#but I'm starting to think that my body is trying to do it first.
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celies whole 'i'm tired of being underestimated'/'i'm not really sick i just look that way' thing does get my goat because the former does not necessitate the latter. no reason she can't be sickly and still be underestimated. as a sickly guy myself it's always like ...wow... thank you for that
#like i think there is potentially something to be said for lumateran ideals regarding good health like their cultural norms don't really --#seem to allow for permanent disability (& i don't know that this is especially well-supported by the text bc it mostly comes from froi; but#i think the celie-lucian-finn povs do read like people who have trouble comprehending disability without fault) & i do think it's telling -#that within the narrative the only two characters with permanent disabilities (garg&raf) are 1. not lumateran and 2. disabled as a result o#being like. unjustly punished. like outside of that there's just satch. and we know what froi had to say abt him at first. & i think it's -#reasonable to assume he would've picked that up in sarnak. but there's no way a take like that didn't come up in three yrs and there's#no point where he's reflecting on anything perri or trev had to say to him on the matter (& they always have something to say) which i woul#argue suggests at the very least that even if they were mildly disapproving they let that shit slide!!#anyway all that to say i think this contextualises celie's belief that she has to be healthy to be able to do anything (we could bring zara#into this but i've gone on too long). eye think (bc im projecting) that celie has coeliac disease. it's plausible b4 i was diagnosed i#genuinely didn't realise i just thought every1 felt like that all the time so i think she could do it. + it's funny 2 me on a personal leve
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Having gotten back into DMing more this year the amount of old DMs I had that would straight up guilt trip over canceling or cutting sessions short is INSANE. like I cannot imagine running a session when someone isn't feeling it like... DMing is only fun if I know my players are happy and having a good time wtf 😭 I cannot imagine someone being tapped out or upset at the table and still forcing them to continue?? Or making them feel bad for being busy??
#s.txt#why have i known such shitty people good god#with my ex qpp she always said it was fine but it was obviously it wasnt#especially when i usually became responsible for managing her upset feelings or inevitable mental health crisis anyways <33#like rescheduling is not life or death it is a GAME. real people come first.
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i think i am going to call an official hiatus from this blog, it isn't that i don't have muse, i just honestly don't feel comfortable here in this rpc at the moment.
no, i am not going to discuss it or make a detailed post about it. i'd rather just take some time away for a while. i will come back to this blog after some time and i am probably going to remake my blog so keep an eye out for that.
if anyone wants to get in touch with me i will be on my other blog @dekariosa. i truly hope everyone is doing well. ♡
#* out of character.#* psa.#im sorry for letting people down with this.#but my mental health must come first.#always.
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man not EA lying off 5% of their global staff 😵 one of the very few game companies operating in spain with good working conditions according to word of mouth 💀 i was hoping to apply...
#every day im more convinced my current job is gonna be my first and last gamedev job 😭😭#art tool development here i come ?!#working for blender or for the people developing graphics libraries like three.js is my dream tbh#i can always make my own games in my free time#gamedev is my dream in theory but in practise i would like to work on very few specific studios so the chances are extremely slim#and even then i just dont think my health can take the crunchy nature of the craft
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*New show*
Me: i choose this character
*4 seasons later*
Trauma background reveal: abusive family
no one: *is surprised*
#i'm screaming internally#stoic smile mask on the outside#this is why i get called bitchy by the baby workers#i'm nice but i want the job done and i want it done rigjt#i'm not here to be your friend#animal lives and health is at stake#i want hygiene and i want things done as best as possible#i dont talk behind peoples backs#i dont bitch qnd i dont yell#i understand mistakes and bad days and trauma#i dont take out anything on anyone#i give everyone a chance and keep giving them#i juat want every animal taken care of#but im distanced and im a colleague not your bff#and im stoic#just like those stone faced characters i always choose who come across as bitchy on the top layer#at first#ignore me
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uploading all my unposted sketches ft. My first EVER drawings of some characters on the bottom row from when I stumbled upon the vods playlist all on my own in summer of 2021, not knowing anyone who was a fan and not knowing what I was getting into or the sheer amount of content/fandom that existed. Still a full time instagram user as evidenced by the Story text. This blog was literally made for the unexpected brainrot this series gave me that I was too self-conscious to use instagram for. lol we’re still here
#dream smp fanart#ur telling me 3 years ago I watched the first Tommy dsmp vid and I had like 300 hours of his and technos vods combined to catch up on#and then they were still doing the damn server#and when I went to introduce the series to people I found out apparently ppl hated its fans in 2020 - 2021 and no one wanted to touch it#with a ten foot pole#and then I caught up and finally breached the fandom and found out as I entered 2022 that the fandom also didn’t want to touch the series w#with a 10 foot pole but we were all trapped miserably in this narrative#to this day I only met one person irl who has ever watched the dsmp#gotta be tha strangest most memory worthy fan base I’ve ever been a part of#don’t mind my rambling I’m really stretched out lately by adulthood and work and mental health I just wanted to come back to this mindset#I was so inspired all the time watching this series#and tumblr was always like going to lay down on a blanket in the grass and draw#so here are my picnic drawings#aidey’s art
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Sometimes I’ll have a really nice day and then I come home and no one asks how my day was or how I’m doing or shows any general interest in me and it’s just like wow I truly don’t matter to anyone on this planet do I
#Met up with my friend for the first time in a while and it was lovely and then I come home to just. Nothing#I get what people mean now when they say they’re lonelier with others than when they’re alone#No matter how shit I’m feeling I always try to make sure everyone’s happy#Do I get the same in return? Hell nah#might delete later#personal#vent#mental health
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Let's take a moment here to just.... Think about myself again.
5 years ago I could never see myself living on my own, working at any capacity and much less feel happy
Guess who's doing all those things? Yeahhhhhhh
I laugh everytime I say it out loud but I am basically living my dream life. Only a few things off the mark
#miranda talking shit#I forget I've come a bit... Like I know these milestones aren't anything special for many people if not most#But as someone who's been struggling with depression and suicidal thought for 15+ years....#Living by myself with my cats I have been since 2020. I've been working for the first time in my life since March#I've been HAPPY and CONTENT and NOT depressed every minute of my life since like February....#I tried committing suicide in 2015. I was convinced I'd have kms before I become an adult#My mental health issues will always hold me back to some degree and I'll never be normal but like...#Just having to deal with my anxiety/autism/add is A LOT easier when I'm not thinking about jumping off a building#I'm.... Can't believe I'm saying this. I'm proud of me.
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