#but people working at the office make me kinda anxious tbh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

royalsunshinehotel · 3 years ago

Note

i have a request for Hassan if you’re taking them!! maybe it’s been a long ass day (as it always is in the crock pot), and he needs a bit of “stress relief” wink wink,,, basically just kinda rough and possessive,,, already on the floor thinking about it tbh😳

10:49PM (Sheriff Hassan x Fem!reader, 18+)

A/N: I looked up some halal sodas and Shasta was the first one that came up. Love me some Shasta. If this is incorrect, please let me know.

The schedule in Crockett was something Hassan had yet to get used to. As the Sheriff, his day would start at 4:00AM, and wrap up at 9:00PM, depending on if there'd been a kitten stuck in a tree that day or not. Not that he'd be trusted with that responsibility.

It was a massive culture shock coming from New York. Harsher than he'd like to admit. Being a native to the city, the sounds had become a part of his life, and he missed the noise.

It was stressful, and he felt shame for being stressed about how quiet Crockett was. That was supposed to be a good thing, and here he was, anxious that he couldn't hear a fire truck from 12 blocks away.

But, like most things in his life, there wasn't much to be done.

And it's not like the hours were bad. Hassan didn't mind a late night, but the general store was open until 11PM. This left whoever was working, alone for about two hours.

Now he knew that Morty, the owner of the store, and Annie Flynn were capable of handling themselves.

And then there's you.

Lovely, gracious, and alone for two hours. He didn't know you well enough to feel comfortable judging if you could "handle yourself" or not, but the idea of you walking home that late made his skin crawl. Even in a small town, there's always something hiding under a rock, waiting for a chance to strike. There's always something hiding in the dark, he thinks.

He thought about you a lot.

After praying with Ali, and making sure his son was set for bed, he headed out.

His commute is exactly a 6 minute drive, and he wonders as he sits in the car, if he's hiding in the dark. If he's the thing you should worry about.

Hassan's shoves the thought down, because of fucking course not. This is exactly why he couldn't stand the quiet, because you could hear yourself think, and he didn't want to do too much of that these days.

So, being the good detective he was, he looked over the facts

He thinks about how you greet him with a full smile every morning, and the small talk he's come to look forward to. You were one of the only people who did, and he was grateful.

"How are you?"

"Good, and you?"

"Ah, not so bad."

One of those days he was going to beat you to the punch and say "how are you?" first, but something told him you wouldn't accept that.

And there was that one time he walked into his office a few minutes late. Beverly Keane had stormed out of the general store, and Hassan waited a little longer in his car to avoid the town’s least favorite.

When he got in through the front door, he inhaled sharply. You were clearly in distress, eating some sour straws, sitting on the floor in the corner. The tears on your face spoke for themselves, as you mumbled, “How are you?” same as always.

;pAnnie came around, looking uncharacteristically ruffled.

“What happened?” He snapped, maybe a little too harshly. Annie bent down to sit with you, urging you to drink your water in the way only mothers do.

"oh, Bev was just being Bev, and things got a little heated." She tried to dismiss, voice an octave too high for it to be “Bev being Bev.”

“Fucking..xenophobic… cunt…fucker” You mumbled as you sipped on your water.

“What?” He asked, not sure he’d heard you right. Annie shooed him away, and he went, letting you recover from Beverly Keane at your own time unsupervised.

And the last piece of evidence he’d acquired was thin, circumstantial at best.

When Hassan first moved into his new office, the fridge from the previous, now deceased occupant had been filled with soda.

Not just any soda. Sprite, and Shasta.

Now Hassan hadn’t had soda in years, but he found it a little bit odd that two of the few Halal brands of soda were ready and waiting for him in his workplace.

He dismissed it then, it’s just a coincidence.

Except he’d been wrong, it was you.

The tall man blinks, and frees himself from that train of thought, remembering what exactly he was there to do.

The yellow lights of the general store were still blazing against the cold blue of the night, and he could see you resting against the cash register, reading your book.

Stop staring, he told himself, before taking a breath, and getting out of his car. He’s not going to think about the way you perked up when you saw him. He was probably imagining it anyway.

“Hey!” You greeted, just as chipper as you’d been that morning. He nods to you as a greeting, and gets to the point.

“How about a french exit?” You blink, he sounds breathless, which wasn’t a tone you’d heard on him before.

“What would the town think if I shirk my duties?” You bat your eyes in an attempt to

“They’ll say anyone buying candy past 10pm is a degenerate,” replies Hassan, completely deadpan. You snort.

“Maybe they’ll make an ordinance about it!” You exclaim, not putting it past Beverly Keane to do such a thing.

The two of you laugh for a moment, when Hassan gets to his point.

“Seriously, how about I drive you home?”

The mere thought of the two of you alone in his car sent a lovely prickle down your spine.

“Yeah…Yeah I’ll lock up, I'll just be a minute.” Hassan smiles at you, and waits on the porch. You scramble to lock everything and turn off all the lights while not making a sound he could detect from outside.

Taking a deep breath, you open the front door to the general store, and lock it behind you, walking in sync with Hassan, letting him open his car door for you. He waits an extra second to make sure your long sweater doesn’t get caught in the door, before shutting it behind you.

You start to hear your heart pound in your ears, as Hassan comes around and gets in the driver's seat.

“10 whole minutes early, how do you feel?”

“Like the law is a bad influence,” you snipe back, feeling a smile bubble to the surface.

“They blame me for the bad weather, I’ll take this too.” He jokes.

“Where do you live?” Asks Hassan, trying to seem calm, but he’s watching every move you make like he’s trying to memorize it.

“Yellow house on Apricot Drive. You’ve passed it before.” Hassan froze for a moment, thinking about how it must have looked. But it wasn’t as if he waited outside your house to see you, he just noticed that was somewhere you lived. It was something he was aware of. A fact.

“It’s a small town ” You shrug it off, letting him breathe again.

“Right.”

Hassan has a small smile on his face while he starts the car, driving a little bit slower than he normally would.

The ride itself is silent, and you have to be proud of yourself that you didn’t reach over and sink your teeth into him. Everything in this car is just so Hassan, how could you sit here and act normal?

“So, how are you adjusting?” You start, trying to ignore the fact that this car was so him. Clean, organized, and somehow comfortable and warm. There’s a scent in the air that you couldn’t quite place, but it was sweet somehow.

“Six months is a long time.” You continue, trying to keep your typical tone, as if you weren’t overwhelmed.

“It’s…alright.” He replies, wondering if you notice exactly how tightly he’s gripping the wheel.

“Yeah, at least we have fish though.”

“I hate fish,” hums your driver, completely deadpan.

You break into a cackle, “oh my god! What are you doing here?” You can clearly see a flash of teeth in the dark

Hassan only sighs, before taking the final turn onto your street, pulling up to the curb and turning off the car. You’re not sure how long the two of you sit there, in a comfortable silence you can only find after 8pm.

“We need to talk more.” You state, eyes on your hands.

“We do.”

“I like talking to you.”

“Same here, really.”

“Hassan?”

“Hm?”

“Would you like some coffee?” You question, tone light.

Your body doesn’t react quick enough, but Hassan’s hand is warm against your cheek, tilting your face towards his.

Things seem to move in slow motion, as you feel a soft brush of his lips against yours, the brief scratch of his beard making goosebumps break out under your sweater.

And just as quickly as it happened, he’s pulled away.

“I…I’m-” He tries, dark eyes round, as if he was stunned at what he’d just done.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” You breathe, heart pounding in your ears.

Hassan isn’t quite sure where his mind went, but he follows you out of the car, up the stairs to your home. It looks prettier up close, he thinks.

You unlock your house, and Hassan exhales the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

The house is lovely, just like you, just like he pictured. And he’s here.

You take your shoes off, he follows suit. You take off your sweater, and Hassan takes off his jacket.

If he looks too closely at your shoulders, it might make him lightheaded, and he couldn’t do that right now.

He follows you to your kitchen, as you put a pod into your keurig, he hovers on the other end, leaning against a counter. You hover by the coffee maker, before turning around slowly and taking each other in.

He likes looking at you, he always has. You're looking right back, air in the kitchen starting to buzz.

You could collapse under the weight of his stare, and yet you don’t move.

“So.” He says.

“So.”

The keurig starts to hum, and you clear your throat, “Must be stressful, being here, dealing with everyone.”

“It can be, yeah.” says Hassan, softly.

You run a hand over his broad chest, to rest over his heart, “bet you could use some…relief.” Were you doing it? Were you actually going to say it?

“Oh really?” Hassan hoped to every higher power that he was able to keep his face neutral, and not express what he was actually feeling.

“Someone to take all that tension out on,” you continue, taking a step towards him.

“Are you sure about that?” He growls, making you shiver.

In a moment he’s got his hands around your waist, your back to his chest.

He’s stronger than you, taller than you, and you're trapped. You let out a small whimper, wriggling weakly.

“You wanna be my toy? Something I can play with to work out all this stress?” he snarls into your ear ,”Say it.”

You give him nothing, breathing in through your nose, and out through your mouth.

“Don’t be coy with me now, tell me how you feel.” You feel Hassan push his face into your hair, inhaling deeply, while he waits.

“I’d like to be your toy. Or your anything…” You answer honestly.

“You wanna be mine? Want me to stake my fucking claim?” Hassan moves his face into the crook of your neck, the scratch of his beard masks the faint tug of his teeth.

“Yes please.” You stick out your bottom lip, trying to sound pitiful, and he laughs faintly.

“Okay honey, okay.” Hassan grips your waist tighter, just for a moment, and you want to melt into him.

“I sleep over in there”, you whisper, pointing down a short hallway to your bedroom. You’d jump on him if your couch had been a little longer, but your bed was a better bet for his comfort.

He’s right behind you, taking wide steps, not letting his hand stray from your back. You turn around, and get on your tiptoes to put your mouth back on his, and you keep him there.

Until you hear a low growl, “Do you like this dress?” asks Hassan, not taking his mouth from yours for more than a second.

“Yes.” You squeak, and Hassan hums in appreciation, his hands wandering down to the hem of your dress, tugging it up over your head. You shiver, falling right back into his mouth, your favorite dress tossed off to the side.

“Do you like these tights?” He questions, his hands roaming down and squeezing the globes of your ass.

“No.” You practically whisper, holding Hassan’s gaze as he tears your tights, almost in half, but not quite.

“I like these.” He rumbles, running large hands over your chest, pausing to unclasp your bra.

Hassan knew that his poker face failed him, and you saw his expression flicker. His dark, hungry eyes lit up the moment he saw your chest. He hovers for a moment, running his thumbs over your peaks, as you bite down on your lower lip.

Hassan runs his hands down,

“Lean back.” orders Hassan, and you do, shivering with anticipation. Your eyes go to your ceiling, reflecting on the various times you’d fucked yourself to the idea of him, for a moment, you wish you could tell him, but his mouth is on your clit so quickly, the thoughts melt away.

“Fuck,” you shout, as the Sheriff doesn’t waste time, licking and sucking in his own rhythm, quick, but not quick enough.

The sounds are obscene, and he moves your hand to hold on to his peppered hair. You looked so pretty with your eyes screwed shut, absolutely soaked for him.

“Fucking sweet,” You hear, muffled between your thighs.

You huff, as he knew exactly what he was doing. The pattern he’d established was lovely, but it was getting you to an edge. You were walking a tightrope and he wouldn’t let you fall.

Typical.

“Daddy ‘M-” You are cut off as you feel him hook a finger inside your wet heat. He groans against your clit, “Tightly wound. Alright.” He almost laughs as he works you loose, you’re still walking the tightrope.

“Hold on baby, open up for me.” He tries to comfort you, toying with that one spongy spot that made you see stars. Hassan’s thick fingers would reach it, press it, but never for long enough. He’s cruel.

“I’m gonna c-” you try, but Hassan’s not completely evil, he presses down on your stomach, and enjoys the show.

You twist, only truly aware of Hassan’s hands digging into your thighs, keeping you in place.

Things seem dim, distant for a moment, before Hassan crawls up for a kiss. He hovers above you for a moment while your breathing steadies.

He’s watching closely, before putting your head on his arm, turning you only to your side. The Sheriff pushes your hair out of your eyes, and you could feel yourself clench down around nothing.

Fuck.

You’re boneless, he’s panting, and everything is beautiful.

But it’s not enough. With all of your strength, you sit up.

“Fair’s fair.” You try, wobbly, as you try to reach down for his belt, your mouth wet. Your face twists into a pout as Hassan catches your wrists in his hands.

“Later, I’m gonna fuck you now.” He replies bluntly, pushing his face into your palms. The scratch of his beard in your hands almost distracts you from the words.

“Oh,” You’re struck with a pleasant chill, remembering bed with a gorgeous man who looked as if he wanted to swallow you whole.

“Yeah, oh.” He mocks lightly, giving you a soft kiss.

“Can you take this off?” You give him the biggest puppy dog eyes, tugging at his denim shirt.

“What’s the magic word?” He teases, watching you intently.

“Please, daddy.” Hassan hopes you don’t notice how his breath catches. You do, but what’s there to say?

“Daddy, huh?” He grins, getting up off the bed to take off his

“Shut up.” You smack his shoulder playfully, watching Hassan shrug out of his white undershirt.

Fuck, he’s hypnotizing, you could stare at him all day. You’re in a stupor, until he undoes his belt and frees his erection.

“Hassan-” it’s too big, it won’t fit.

But the words don’t come, his mouth is on yours, and everything feels so certain. You let out a small whine, feeling him poke at your folds. His body weight keeps you pinned as you wriggle and squirm in his grasp. “Don’t run, you can take it.” He’s got you pinned with seemingly no effort. Tears spring to your eyes as he steadily spears himself into you. Your vision blurs as Hassan takes you over.

“God, you fit me just right.” You hear faintly in your ear, as you focus on breathing. You scramble to make a sentence, a coherent thought, anything, but nothing comes to mind. It’s just the two of you. He’s still, and you’ll thank every higher power for that.

But at the worst possible time, a thought comes. Your hand roams over your breast, pinching it down to your stomach.

“I-I can feel you here!” You exclaim, dumbly putting your hand on your lower belly, pointing out a lump. It’s him.

“Fuck.” He snaps, as you blink at him, vacant. Hassan shifts for a moment, putting one leg over his shoulder, and the other follows suit.

And he begins.

His pace is steady, but hard enough to be considered unforgiving. It’s all a haze to you, the lump in your stomach, the slapping of skin, Hassan giving your ass a smack every time your eyes would roll.

“Can’t believe you’ve been such a slut. This whole time.” The words should sting but they don’t, not when he says them.

“I’m-” Hassan’s pace stutters, as you feel a bolt of lightning strike through you, you’re not sure if you're real anymore. You clench down around him suddenly, taking him down with you. He pushes his face into your neck, panting, and there’s never been a sound more lovely.

You register his heat just a moment after he falls apart on top of you, a lovely, liquid heat, hitting deeper than anyone had before.

The sheriff’s words are faint, “Good job baby,” you’re too weak to squirm away, as you pulse. “Milk this cock like it's yours, that’s it.” Hassan takes the opportunity to bite a mark into your smooth neck, earning a squeak.

The haze settles, only slightly, as you swear you could hear two hearts beating. The blankets, pushed off your bed, meant he was your only warmth.

A metaphor for your stupid small-town existence.

The feral feeling of his chest, bare against yours, made you feel as if you should simply put him back, but someone needs to be able to speak for that to happen.

“I think Daddy’s pussy is all filled up, do you feel it?” You feel down between your legs, face heating at the absolute mess he’d made of you.

“Yes, Daddy.” I want to stay like this.

He smiles, pressing a kiss into your shoulder, “good girl.”

“Does my toy need to rest now?” His voice is smooth as honey in your ear, hands everywhere, settling on your chest, squeezing, pinching at your nipples.

It’s almost too much.

“Yes, please.” You eek out, eyelids getting heavy. Your body is humming, but at the last second Hassan grabs your jaw and pulls your face close to his own.

“If if I catch wind of you fucking anyone else, there will be hell to pay. This is my fucking pussy understand?” You whine as a response, “I get to use this and this, only me.”

Only me.

Your partner traces down in between your legs, tapping on your sensitive clit twice, relishing how it made your whole body twitch.

But it’s not enough, he collects his cum on his thick fingers, and pushes it back into you. It takes you a moment to react as he does it again.

Hassan smiles as you let out a pathetic little cry, eyes getting watery. You couldn’t squirm away if you wanted to. Hassan could do whatever he wanted with you, and your cock-drunk mind decides that you're fine with that.

Suddenly it’s cold.

You don’t have the energy to open your eyes fully, but something was wrong. He can’t pull away! He can’t leave!

But he’s back, quickly, taking a warm towel between your legs, pressing on his beard burn, just to make you twitch.

And he’s back in bed, long arms pulling you back into him.

He’s staying, he’s staying the night.

Your body instinctively grinds back into his, making his breath catch as you persist.

“Miss me already, hm?” You feel a warm hand rest itself on your thigh.

“Mhmm.” You nod.

“Wanna keep me warm, baby?” The question sounded so sweet and sincere, you almost would have forgotten he’d just taken you apart moments ago.

“Yes, please.”

And Hassan doesn’t waste time.

You let out a filthy moan as Hassan parts your legs slightly, and pushes himself back inside you. Blunt, deep, warm. He hums a little bit, getting to feel exactly how he stretched you out, as he grips you, feeling you start to squirm with sensitivity. That would just be too bad.

Toy’s don’t get sensitive, they’re made to be used. Over and over.

“It’s your pussy daddy. Whenever you want.” In your mind, you dream about Hassan playing with your body while you sleep, if he wants, but you can’t get that across. Your vocabulary is now extremely limited. But how lovely would it be, to be woken up by his unrelenting force.

“You shouldn't say things like that, I might get greedy.” Hassan attempted to sound calm like he wasn’t going to dream of keeping you in bed, holding your hips against his and fucking you until you forgot the year. You’re so pretty in this dream, starry-eyed, and limp, letting him play with you however he wanted.

Maybe tomorrow, he’d have to ask first.

As a well-earned sleep took you, Hassan was left alone with his thoughts, he’d think about before he sleeps is how he didn’t have a leg to stand on. He’s a father, a widow, a disgraced NYPD detective, what did he have that you could want?

Could he ask you to go steady? Do people still do that?

Before your mind had been cleared, you wanted to tell him that tonight was enough. Whatever this evening was didn’t have to go any farther than he wanted it to.

But it’s alright, you two have time.

#hassan el shabbaz #sheriff hassan #rahul kohli #midnight mass #daddyyyyyy #midnight mass netflix #rahul kohli imagine #sheriff hassan imagine #sheriff hassan x reader #sheriff hassan smut #jesus christ this took forever #but i'm proud of it #first draft bishes

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olivetreehugger · 4 years ago

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SnK Scouts/Veterans as Health Care Workers

Note: features Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Levi, Erwin and Hange. A part two to my “SnK Warriors as HCWs” post found here. warning: mentions of blood, trauma, gore (it’s healthcare). Also, I know Hange is nb, I headcanon them as female, so I will be using she/her pronouns.

Eren: this boy is definitely too involved in everything and has too many people depending on him at once to not be a nurse. The kid barely passed the NCLEX but that didn’t stop him from applying to every trauma center within a 25 mile radius of him. He got hired as a night shift trauma ICU nurse and he frequently picks up shifts in the ER. He wears the cheapest scrubs he can find, often stained with ink in the pockets area. He isn’t a shitty nurse per se but there are tasks that still need to be done at the end of his shift and he gives a crappy report that’s missing too many details. Nurses hate picking up his patients, it’s always a mess. His charting is really spotty and he gets called into the manager’s office all the time to fix it.

Still, he tries really hard to improve his time management and skills. He wants to be like his friends Mikasa and Reiner, who are the best nurses he knows. He wants to be involved in the traumatic cases and emergencies because he wants to learn as much as he possibly can. He’s really good at wound care, for some reason (hint hint). He’s kinda cocky sometimes too, which can be troublesome when Dr. Galliard is working. People know to steer clear of those two when they’re both in the ER. Also, Eren always has a black cloud around him; whenever he works it’s gonna be a hella busy day in the hospital. Lots of emergency surgeries, intubations, codes and deaths. He’ll always jump in to help you if your patient is crashing, though, no matter how busy he is.

Mikasa: she’s a prodigy. She was a straight ‘A’ student in nursing school, got a perfect 75 on the NCLEX and was immediately hired to the trauma ICU after doing a short internship there. She worked night shift for a year but her sleep schedule was so so fucked she started having night terrors, so she switched to day shift. Eren still calls her a traitor for it :/. She keeps trying to get him to switch over but he just hisses at her and threatens to chug a case of Monster energy drinks. She hasn’t given upon him yet, though.

This girl’s work ethic is beyond measure. She comes in exactly at 6:30 am, looks up her patients, takes report, gives a great update to the doctors when they round, and provides impeccable care to her patients. She knows exactly which treatments the doctors will order before they even speak. She’s incredible at inserting IVs--everyone in the hospital knows Mikasa Ackerman can put an 18g in a 90 yr old lady’s arm AND get blood return (just trust me, it’s flipping impossible). She has great skill when it comes to emergency situations and is a big believer in team work. If she notices your patient’s crashing and you don’t know what to do, she’ll calmly coach you and save your patient, too. All before lunch time.

It doesn’t take Mikasa long to be promoted to charge nurse. When she’s in charge all the reports, paperwork and audits are completed before shift change. She divides the patient assignments really well and is very fair to the new grads. All around she’s an incredible nurse and leader on her unit, but don’t be fooled. If it’s been a rough day, Mikasa will get in her car and sob so loud her throat goes raw. A lot of people depend on her and working in a trauma ICU is really, really demanding. A lot of patients are demanding, rude and busy. She has a lot of trouble with stress management and is thinking of cutting her hours down so she can catch a break. Someone please hug her <3

Armin: for some reason my brain is just SCREAMING respiratory therapist. Like, I imagine this beautiful blond boy in gray scrubs (the color for RT’s in my hospital) going around helping intubate patients, giving nebulizer treatments and doing blood gases. I can just see him huffing and puffing when the attending doctor is overzealous about weaning vent support. -“Why are we changing the patient to pressure support? do you see how tachypneic he is on volume control?”

-“are you gonna put in the order? if not, your patient’s gonna be on PRVC all day, I’m not changing it without an order”

-“Doc, the patient looks like crap and their blood gas looks like death...oh, you still wanna extubate? ok, well I’m gonna leave the ventilator in here just in case. better yet, let me call a pastor in here, too.”

This kid is sassy af and he knows it. He’s smart af too, knows everything there is to know about the lungs and respiratory care. Knows every ventilator mode better than most doctors. Will certainly tell a resident off for ordering the wrong type of inhaler for a patient. He’s so damn intelligent that he even made the ice queen Annie melt like a popsicle.

He has no chill when it comes to his patients and even less chill (like -4078875874670) when a doctor gets in his way. For this reason, Armin has recently been toying with the idea of going to PA school so he can have a little more autonomy. He works al over the hospital, usually frequenting the trauma, CV, and medical ICU. The nurses there love him.

Jean: Jeannie boy. Baby. Sweetie. He’s also a nurse. He is strictly dayshift and trauma. When he first started, he thought he’d do a year in the ICU and then go to CRNA school. He didn’t want to be around sickly patients with hopes and dreams and fears--it was too icky for him. But, over time, he learned that he LOVED trauma. Jean loves the controlled chaos that comes with the ugly, bloody messes that roll in through the ICU’s doors. He always gears up for trauma season (summer time) by bringing Dunkin Donuts iced coffee for everyone on the unit (day and night shift because he’s a supportive king). He gets really good at dealing with arrogant trauma residents and ortho docs who think they’re hot shit. When Jean sees a resident yelling at a nurse, he jumps in and threatens to have their license revoked. He will dig under their skin and page them incessantly throughout the day, too, just to get back at them. Jean is not a fan of lateral violence in the workplace, no sir.

He always, always makes sure every room is stocked and new bags are hanging for the next shift. He has a thing where if things aren’t properly organized on the unit his brain just spazzes. He’s on the unit council and education committee because he also loves to teach the new grads. He also doubles as charge nurse, when management can’t be there (there can be one or more charge nurses amongst the staff, they usually work different days, though) He and Mikasa work so well together, teaming up to get tasks done, coding patients, running them down to get scanned, etc. People joke they’re the mom and dad of the unit. It makes them both blush <3 (Eren doesn’t like it, lol)

Jean loves to see patients healing from horrendous injuries, he’s constantly cracking jokes with the awake patients to try to make them feel better, and he’s really good at calming anxious family members down. Our boy just makes such good connections with people. He’s the guy you call when your confused patient is one second away from ripping his breathing tube out. He can convince the most restless, agitated patient to chill out. He’s got the voice for it. Also people love his mullet. It looks great.

Connie: I really didn’t know at first but I feel like Connie would make a great physical therapist. He’s got great energy, he’s funny and I could see him dancing to Earth, Wind & Fire in front of his patients to hype them up for therapy. He’d be very sweet with them

Sasha: I’m sick and tired of the food jokes, quite honestly. She’s more than that. In my mind, she’s an occupational therapist, helping disabled patients learn to feed, dress and clean themselves again. She works directly with Connie as they round on all their patients in the hospital, they make a great team! She’s extremely patient and would make a very good nurse, but is unsure of where life is taking her. That is until she meets Niccolo the dietician in the cafeteria, and she falls hard. He encourages her to follow her heart and she does!

Levi: Hm. This one stumped me. Levi is a bit...cold. It’s not like he has incredible social skills. He’s meticulous and focused and kinda mean? He reminds me of an anesthesiologist, tbh. Like he’ll sedate the shit outta you for surgery, makes sure you don’t die on the table, and then drops you off to the unit as fast as he can. He never takes off his mask while in the hospital and he scrubs maybe four times before surgery. He is very good at medication calculations and knows everything about nerve blocks, intubation, pain medication and sedation. He can look at a person and just KNOW what kind of sedative to give and how much. Your blood pressure will never bottom out while he’s there, he’ll warn the surgeon and immediately get that norepinephrine started.

If Zeke is the one operating, Levi is on his ass to finish up the surgery ASAP and to not linger, because Zeke takes his time and ignores the tele monitor alarming in the background. After surgery, this 5′2 demon will scream at the 6′ resident about the importance of blood pressure management and sedation in neurosurgical patients. Levi plays no games and he also just really hates Zeke lol

He seems like a jerk but genuinely cares about getting his peeps through surgery. His favorite surgeon to work with is Hange Zoe, because she’s brilliant and fast, but also cognizant of her patient’s hemodynamics. Levi likes taking trauma cases as long as it’s with her. When he drops a patient off to the trauma ICU or goes there to intubate, he makes sure Jean or Mikasa are there because he knows everything is gonna go smoothly. He trusts them a lot. He likes Armin, too and even let him intubate a few times. On his breaks, he’s drinking tea and reading a Williams & Sonoma catalog or scrolling through cleaning Tik Tok lol.

Erwin: This man. This beautiful and hunky beefcake. Omg. I HC him as someone who went to nursing school, became a charge nurse on the trauma unit back in the early 2000′s and fell in love with it. Erwin would eventually fall in love with leadership and educating, too. He went back to school and earned his Doctorate of Nursing Practice (a practice doctorate). He managed the trauma unit for ten years before his brilliant leadership skills and wicked smart brain got him elected as the Director of Trauma Surgery recently. He is the first person with a nursing degree and DNP to ever accomplish this, so it’s very controversial. A lot of toxic doctors threaten to leave the hospital for this (because they’re assholes), but Erwin threatens to fire them in response and it usually shuts them up.

He often holds lectures in the hospital auditorium. With a mind and voice like his, people are so drawn in by him. He advocates for nursing staff, for reimbursement when continuing their education, better staffing, parking, etc. He makes nice with doctors and gets them to sign petitions for the nurses to get these things. He’s a bit manipulative He’s also a fantastic manager and director, he’s really good at negotiating things. The nurses and residents all love him because he rounds on every ICU frequently, brings food, and asks them how he can help. He can be a bit daunting because of his height and deep voice but once he starts talking to you, you just get sucked in. All around an absolute king.

Hange: This character reminds me of a trauma surgeon and intensivist (ICU doctor) we have, Dr. Omi. A great surgeon, really really smart, but takes absolutely NO bullshit. She will yell at you if you freeze during intubating. She wants you to recite every step before you take it, otherwise she’ll take the tube from you and do it herself. In surgery, she’s the same way. She wants you to learn, but by her standards. If she asks a question, you better know the answer or fess up right away, she doesn’t like the “uhms” of uncertainty as you try to search for a shitty response. Either you know it or you don’t. And if you don’t, she’ll teach you. Yeah she can be rough around the edges, but she’s got a big heart. She loves her trauma team. She buys them breakfast and gives them funny personalized gifts. One time, she bought an apply tree for Mikasa and brought it to her car at the end of a shift. Mikasa forgot to plant it and it died in her backseat. Hange will sometimes ask, “Mikasa, how’s your apple tree growing?” and Mikasa will lie through her teeth. “It’s growing!” Fess up, Mikasa. Those google search apple trees are starting to look familiar.

All around Hange loves to work and teach. She is a wonderful trauma surgeon and has saved tons of lives.

#snk headcanons #attack on titan #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #armin arlert #jean kirstein #connie springer #sasha braus #levi ackerman #erwin smith #hange zoe #lama writes

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patroclusdefencesquad · 3 years ago

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Okay so I just really need to get this off my chest and this is the perfect opportunity for it. I finished uni like 6 months ago and I didn't start to work immediately. 1: because I was genuinely so exhausted by it like I had no will to live and 2: I don't know what I wanna do with my life. And I still don't. Like I don't necessarily mind working in an office but I always wanted like different kinda job like a florist, or some handmade craft shop assistant or wedding planner or work at a museum or something. But I just don't know where to start cause I'm so scared of not being good enough and failing things. It probably doesn't help that both of my older sibling are getting their masters in engineering fields and there is me with an English degree lol I've always been told that I'm just "more artistic than my siblings" which is just a kind way to call me dumb. And I know that my Dad is worried about me and I hate that but at this point I'm already the least favourite child + family disappointment so it's not like I can disappoint him even more but I'm just so scared of, you know, the future. I don't wanna have a job that I hate and just suffer through it for the money but I'm pretty sure that what's gonna happen. Sometimes I so desperately wish that I was as clever as my siblings so I wouldn't feel this lost. Anyways, thank you for listening to my rant, it felt kinda good to write this down 💖💖

anon, rant at me any time I promise!

first of all, I completely understand. I'm still at university but I already know that I don't want to go into any field with my degree (i do criminology and sociology), but I have no idea what I actually want to do. I don't want to work tbh. so yeah, I'm not going to waste my life doing something I hate, just for money. but also, the idea of having to learn how to do things in a job terrifies me (like you say). second, you can't compare yourself to your siblings. it's hard, I know, but at the end of the day it helps literally nobody. the same with parents, as loving and as supportive as they are (or at least think they are) it's so difficult to not feel like you're disappointing them. I know my dad has ideas of what he thinks I should be doing but he just doesn't understand that I CAN'T. I get so anxious at some stuff and he just doesn't get it, and you just end up feeling like they're disappointed. it's the hardest thing in the world to do but you have to focus on you, and your mental health, and what you need, because it's your life, not theirs.

I obviously don't know anything about you as a person, and I know this is the part that I struggle with, but literally just. apply for anything you think you will like. go to your local florist and ask about working there, ask advice about working in the field, in classes etc. look at cafes and coffee shops, independent shops, basically anything that is kinda small and independently run I think is going to be good for a first time job, where you have less people to have to work with, but plenty of ability to make connections and friends, and they're generally so much more supportive, and a lot less pressure on you. but just remember, that if you end up having to settle for a job you don't enjoy, you're not stuck there. keep an eye out for other things you think you'll like, keep researching or studying for an area you're interested in, make time for doing the things you do love outside of work (because despite what we're told our entire lives, we are NOT put on this earth to work), and hopefully it will lead you to something that you do enjoy.

#i hope this helps anon!#el randoms

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ae0nx · 4 years ago

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FRUITS BASKET S2 EPISODE 19 + 20 RECAP

Hello!! Decided to pair my recap of episode 19 and 20 together since they both kinda flow into each other and explore the same message in different ways through Yuki and Rin. It’s a really nice and interesting flow of story!

Let’s get into it!

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- Ok, let me get my Shigure hatred out of the way cos I really like some of the stuff he says later. But the fact that he even ATTEMPTED to try and joke about him and Rin having a relationship after we just had that really dodgy scene earlier in the season with him and Rin in his office makes me wanna kick him in the teeth. Anyways...

all the scenes that take place on these stairs are always stunning and i just wanted to show some appreciation of that first. ✨

I love this scene between Hatori and Shigure (I love most scenes between them tbh). I’m beginning to understand that Shigure is for sure the type who believes in ‘using the lesser evils to kill the greater evil’. And, I guess my view of Shigure gets a lot more complicated when I see him through that lens...

But, I do secretly love very deep down in my soul when Shigure says stuff like this and kinda acts like a trickster God. I have a weakness for trickster Gods.

- Rin feeling both intensely protective about the kind people in her life vs wanting to push them away is actually very reminiscent of our favourite cat, Kyo! Gave me a lot of reminders of this scene:

That uncomfortableness with vulnerability and kindness runs strong with these zodiac kids. It’s sad.

Everyone eventually folds in to Tohru. God tier? (I’m still working on my Tohru is an empathetic God essay)

Aii-ya...

But again, I appreciate how this thought follows through to a resolution and message of ‘needing people’ at the end of episode 20. I’ll get to that later.

- Every time. I love how these moments of Tohru supporting the zodiac are always highlighted by being in the darkness of the night (or rain) to the brightness of the dawn (or clear skies). Poetic. Tohru is a god.

Shigure’s so on point in this episode. I know he’s essentially ‘seed planting’ but... I... might just give him the title of Best Boi for this episode? Yeah... why not 😅

I. LOVE. KIMI. SOOO MUCH. 😂 Her love for chaos is amazing and I love her! Again! Trickster Gods!!! <3

I CAN’T. Kakeru bickering with Yuki like a scorned lover. Haru essentially being happy for Yuki and playing along (or maybe he was being fully serious, he would). Kakeru being ridiculous and dramatic. It’s alllll gooood!

- The whole scene with Shigure, Kyo, Yuki and Tohru at dinner with the dessert felt all so normal and domestic! It was great, we haven’t had many ‘regular’ scenes since season 1 and it brought me back a little (Also, Tohru noticing how Kyo has been paying more attention to her in the most Tohru of ways was cute as well 👀)

She did look really cute!!! Of course, Rin’s getting Outfit Appreciation cos of course. That’s it. 4 stars.

I love how this is worded and it’s the perfect description for a toxic family setting, in all situations (like... even without the whole cursed to turn into animals thing). Furuba gets so uncomfortably personal sometimes! And again, mixing this with Yuki’s lesson at the end of episode 20 leads to an interesting conclusion... which I wonder if people would be offended by it... but I’ll get to that later.

Lol, as much as I really appreciated that someone had finally asked Tohru the ‘real question’ of why she’s working so hard to break the curse anyway. Rin’s emotional intelligence and empathy to back down from pressing her about it was really lovely.

In general, I really love that none of the characters are just archetypes. Rin could’ve been written like the bad-ass one with an attitude and an awful past but she also ends up being so emotionally intelligent and caring and loving! SO much!

Also, showing that love can have many unexpected ways of being displayed and expressed. Something which is an ongoing conversation throughout this series...

- The whole scene of Tohru being in bed but dreaming that she was back in her old apartment with her Mum was painfully amazing and definitely relatable. It’s always so haunting when dreams like that happen in general and the look on Tohru’s face at the end when she opens the door just added to it:

Chilling!

Especially if you find a parallel between Tohru’s desperation to be together with her mother to Akito’s desperation to be together with the zodiac...

Tohru is a god

EPISODE 20!!

- Tohru continuing to be a worried mother about Yuki is sweet but also... it’s like... ‘he’ll be okayyyy, Tohru!’ Haha but it’s okay, I think that it’s shown towards the end of this episode that this is kinda the nature of their relationship and Tohru was reassured that Yuki will be ok

Ah, Yuki! How cool of you!!! <3

(Although the original sub version of this was hilarious with the sudden drop in his voice 😂)

- Goddamn it, Kakeru! Between him throwing the papers and him knocking the plants over the other episode, I’m beginning to think this is an impulse for him as well... 🤨

Haha, turns out I was right!

It’s really great how much Kakeru and Yuki’s relationship has grown to where they can trust each other with secrets or private stuff while they’re both separately dealing with their own lives. It’s just really nice :)

Said so well. Yuki gets Best Boi of this episode, of course.

But seriously, this is a really great display of having to accept trauma to therefore move on. Of course, what Yuki, Kakeru and Rin’s parents do is cruel and wrong in so many ways, but you can’t rely on the option that they’ll eventually get better because so many times that’s not the case.

Yuki specifically has come to a result of him accepting his fate of having these shitty people in his life through family ties but is also adapting the way he can move on personally and grow up despite his shitty circumstances. I said this might be controversial to say as it’s not on the victim who should have to change and be better, it’s the abuser. And there’s a chance someone could read this scene and feel like the show is saying otherwise but I also think there’s a realness to having difficult family members that you may have to be tied to through circumstances.

In conclusion, I’m not saying it’s on the victim of a situation to have to adapt to their situation, that shouldn’t be so. But, at this point, if any of these characters want to grow and develop and just live, they unfortunately need to fight for it. They can’t rely on their abusers somehow becoming better.

- Yuki’s growth is highlighted so much throughout this whole episode but I think I love the scene with his mother the most and showing that while Yuki has grown and no longer even acknowledges his mother as a threat anymore that his mother as well is growing and trying (again, in her own way). Also, Yuki’s awkward face remembering that moment was adorable :3

Aha! <3

- Lol I low-key wanna see Tohru as an evil step-sister as much as I wanna see Hana and Kyo pairing up to be Cinderella and the Prince just to see how chaotic it’d be

- The closet scene with the black paint really could’ve gone worse if Yuki was still the same as he was in season 1! While Yuki still had an anxious reaction to the situation which was more than understandable (as Kakeru said <3), I love that he’s in a place now where he can almost pick himself up now, be honest about his feelings and he has other people around to go to now for help! In different friendship circles! Wow.

- Machi knocking down the door for him in a silent mutual acknowledgement is so weirdly... gentle.

A MOTHER!!!

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I really like how the message interwove over two episodes in different contexts. And I hope I was clear in explaining how I saw how the messages came through in different perspectives.

Fruits Basket, coming through with the painful reality! 🥲

(Sorry for the weird ending) See you sooon!!

#fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket 2020 #fruits basket season 2

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atsukashii · 4 years ago

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➛ HOW MHA BOYS WOULD BE WITH A READER WHO HAS ADHD

CHARACTERS: eijiro + denki + keigo

REQUEST: » Anonymous said: Hi, I’m new to your page but I was wondering, could you please do hc’s for Kiri, Kami & Hawks where the reader has adhd and is kinda all over the place a lot? That;s how I am lmao, thanks so much!! 💛💛

AUTHORS NOTE: I had to do a little bit of research on this, and I apologise in advance if i have anything wrong here, or if any information is false :)

kirishima

This boy is 1000000% supportive af

You bet your ass he has researched everything under the sun relating to adhd and how best he can help you

He knows that you struggle to focus on one particular task for long periods of time

So when it comes to studying for your exams, you are stressed and anxious because you struggle to study

And Kiri is ALLLLLL over that crap.

He will sit with you and pull late-night study sessions just to get stuff done with you. But he knows you like your sleep, so you bet he’s going to have you in bed by 9:30

Stressed and need to just get up and do something at 2am? He’ll be passed out for sure, but the second you’re there asking him to do something, he’s up and about.

“Whatever you need babe,” is something you hear frequently from him

That includes taking notes in class. Now he’s no Izuku, but you the study dates you two have together a few times a week where he helps you copy down any notes you missed are dead set a lifesaver

If you go to therapy for it, just to talk stuff though he’s all there for that too

“Talking about things and not keeping them bottled up is important. Putting your mental health before everything is too important babe.” If you want him there too on a hard day for support, he’s so there.

If someone at school teases you about it...that happy-go-lucky normal Kirishima vibe vanishes so fast and he will fucking riot

kaminari

This guy is chaotic energy ™ on the daily, so you having ADHD isn’t a big thing to him

Tending to be an impulsive person himself, he’d totally there with you when you decide you want to go and do something. Want to go for a walk at 1 am in the morning? He’s there and most likely jumping into a pond in the middle of winter right next to you

He knows that your brain goes off on like a million tangents a day, and enjoys listening to all the things you spout off at the end of the day like you’ve been holding them in. One of your favourite things to do is just chill out together and come up with the most ridiculous things together - his theory that tomato sauce can be considered a jam is at the top of that list atm

When it comes to sitting exams, you panic a lot because you struggle to sit still for the allocated time and find it really hard to focus on the task at hand, so during that time he’s always there to take your mind off things. Candy? Here have three bags. Need a laugh? Look at these memes I found. He has a way to keep you somewhat grounded in your panicked state a lot of the time

Tbh you two feed off each other’s chaos a lot, but one of you will always be the logical one (usually you), which is really good for your relationship.

hawks

Bird boi over here loves leaving note reminders for you all over your house. If he knows there’s something you need to do the next day, you’ll find yourself staring at multiple different sticky notes on your door, on the fridge, the mirror in the bathroom. Sometimes he’ll write something corny on it just to make you smile when he’s not around

If you also struggle with depression that’s linked to your ADHD, Keigo has researched everything he can to help you - he knows he’s not a psychologist,

he won’t force you to go to one - he’s not controlling, but he will mention that it's a good idea to talk about everything if you don’t already go to one

If you do go to one, he’s there to pick you up knowing just how draining it can me. He flies home with you in his arms, because you love the feeling and it always brings a smile to your face, if you’re in a good mood, he might pretend to drop you, but he learned that is a no-no when he was banished to the couch for four days after doing it out of nowhere one day

Don’t want to get out of bed? He will either drag you to the lounge for a movie day or bring the lounge to you. He has brought everything but the couch into your bedroom before, just to make you smile.

There isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for his little dove.

Sometimes when you’re talking and suddenly your thought process is all over the place, he just sits there smiling at you as you ramble. He thinks its the cutest shit ever.

If anyone at your work brings it up, there have been cases of people in your office building disappearing, only to be found two cities over and scared for their life the next day.

#kirishima hc #kaminari hc #hawks hc #eijiro kirishima hc #denki kaminari hc #keigo takami hc #adhd #adhd reader #lolswrites #lolshcs #lolsrequests

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dordmagazine · 4 years ago

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What The F Are Intrusive Thoughts?

Lesson brought to you by the fact that most of us are having intrusive thoughts right now, no one talks about it, it's considered taboo + scary, and tbh the psychology community does a bad job of normalizing this common evolutionary behavior.

What The F Is an Intrusive Thought?

Imagine this, you're going about your day, and suddenly you’re hit with a thought that’s bizarre, shocking, uncomfortable, triggering, or overall anxious. No reason for it, it just pops up.

Could be the voice in your head saying the worst thing you can imagine is happening

Could be a gut feeling followed by intense anxiety and thought spirals

Could be thoughts of doing something shocking and out of character for you (usually sexual, violent, or suicidal)

Could be in terms of a relationship (thinking you’re not good enough, they’re not good enough, suddenly fearful of commitment despite having intense feelings for that person)

Intrusive thoughts are actually perfectly normal. Literally everyone has them, not just those with mental illnesses. Intrusive thoughts don't necessarily mean you have a mental condition you need treatment for. Intrusive thoughts are not messages, red flags, signals or warnings, despite how they feel. Even for my intuitive people, your intrusive thought doesn’t mean the situation is actually going on. It's just a thought with zero meaning behind it.

Intrusive thoughts feel so threatening because anxious thinking takes over, and the thought appears to have some intense power that it actually doesn't have.

Common intrusive thoughts we don't call "intrusive thoughts", but they really are:

Thinking our partner doesn't want us

Thinking our partner will leave or is cheating

Fearing everyone at the office hates us

Convincing ourselves we'll fail

Thinking we'll go broke

Being afraid that fictional things will happen (ex being fearful that you’ll live the plot of a book you just read)

For some reason we don't associate this type of anxious thinking with intrusive thoughts, but they're classic intrusive thoughts. Other thoughts include thinking about having sex with someone you'd never sleep with, getting in fights, getting raped or abused.

It’s important to note, if you are having intrusive thoughts of getting raped or abused, or doing the actions, that does not mean you want to rape or abuse or get raped and abused. For people who conduct these behaviors, these are not intrusive thoughts. They don’t think much about them and move on. These thoughts cause great stress for you because they go against your values and you’d never do them.

For Example:

People who have intrusive thoughts about cheating, usually value commitment, relationships, and family.

People who have intrusive thoughts about hurting an animal, love animals and would never harm one intentionally.

People who have intrusive thoughts about their religion, are usually extremely faithful and take their faith seriously.

Intrusive thoughts are intrusive because they go against your values. You are not subconsciously represented by your intrusive thoughts.

The Science

Here’s the facts, we get intrusive thoughts for a few reasons.

First one, our brains get bored and try to entertain themselves. I wish I was kidding. We’re taught the brain is a complex thing, but it’s really a toddler. In fact the part of the brain associated with intrusive thoughts, the Amygdala, is the youngest part of the brain. It’s kinda still learning how to brain.

When we get bored or over stimulated, the Amygdala comes up with situations, so the body can send up doses of chemicals and hormones. Our brain likes to imagine things, it’s just sometimes daydreams turn into nightmares.

Most common reason our brain has Intrusive thoughts, is because it’s evolved to keep us safe. So it constantly scans the environment for danger, running through all the possible cases. While doing this, it generates thoughts that you are unaware of. When it hits one that causes you fear, it becomes a conscious thought.

When fear hits the body, within seconds fight or flight turns on and the Amygdala is turned screaming. It wants you to come up with a plan to stay safe if the event ever happened.

Once you do, the screaming stops. If you ignore it, sometimes the screaming gets louder. We see this a lot with patients who have OCD, the thoughts get louder or keep coming back harder when we try to ignore them.

In a way our Amygdala is saying “Can’t you see we’re in danger?”

The problem is there is rarely ever any actual danger. The Amygdala is the brains faulty security system. It’s triggered by wind the next County over.

The brain does this so that you are alerted to the potential threat and can then problem-solve your way out of it. Our brain honestly thinks it's helping us. But as I mention everytime I talk about anxiety, we're not outrunning bears anymore. We don’t need overly sensitive Amygdalas.

That’s why OCD treatment uses exposure therapy designed to reprogram how we perceive thoughts in the mind. Treatment involves pushing yourself to do what scares you and ignoring the need to control everything. Overtime the brain adjusts to your responses and you have less obsessive intrusive thoughts.

Follow Your Gut

I’m a natural intuitive. So for me to follow my intuition I had to make peace with my intrusive thoughts.

Remember, our brain doesn't know the difference between real threats or imaginary ones. The brain thinks "I thought of it, it's real". Think of it like a toddler holding an imaginary tea party. We know the cup is empty, but the kid honestly thinks imagination made tea.

I see a lot with people who are practicing their intuition or learning to trust their gut fall into the trap of feeding their intuitive thoughts. Out of nowhere they get an intrusive thought that their blessing, prayers, or manifestation isn't coming. And they freak out because they think it's divine guidance.

My dears, your intrusive thought isn't divine guidance. It's your bodies glitchy security system. Your gut, the universe, or god, didn't telling you that your person will never love you, that the job isn't coming, or that you'd never get rich or have a family.

The thing with intrusive thoughts is they often keep coming up, which tricks us into thinking that it actually means something or it's divine guidance. But the reason these thoughts come us is because we never told our brains it's not actually a danger or threat.

How To Make Them Stop

First things first, if you have intrusive thoughts find a Therapist who focuses primarily on OCD. Many Therapists claim to have worked with OCD patients but lack the education or experience to support your healing journey.

The thing with traditional talk therapy is it can usually make OCD and Anxiety worse. If you are seeking out professional help, which I always recommend, find a Therapist who is trained in Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP). If you’re on the edge of deciding to see a therapist, there are incredible patient guided workbooks designed to help stop intrusive thoughts.

Some of our favorites are:

The ACT Workbook for OCD: Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Exposure Skills to Live Well with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Marisa T. Mazza PsyD

Brain Based Therapy for OCD: A Workbook for Clinicians and Clients by John B. Arden

Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts by Sally M. Winston PsyD and Martin N. Seif PhD

Brain Lock, Twentieth Anniversary Edition: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior by Jeffrey M. Schwartz

How To Be There For Someone With Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts can effect our relationships in every way. It’s hard to see your loved one go through suffering you can’t understand.

I always explain intrusive thoughts like this:

An intrusive thought is like we watched a documentary on Bigfoot. Before it, I knew Bigfoot wasn’t real and the documentary only assured me that Bigfoot is made up. But every night I’ll be terrified that Bigfoot is outside of my window and will hurt me when I’m sleeping. So I lay awake and plan or sit in fear. Eventually, the fear will bleed into my daytime life and I’ll become scared that Bigfoot is behind me or will hurt my loved ones. And in the documentary it said people used to keep garlic in their pocket to ward off Bigfoot. So I start carrying around garlic and hiding it in my loved ones belongings. This entire time I know Bigfoot isn’t real. I know my behavior is irrational. But my body is still scared. Even if everything inside of me says Bigfoot isn’t real and even if it’s proven by Scientists. I’m still afraid.

If the person you love struggles with intrusive thoughts it helps to view everything from their perspective. You don’t need to feed into the compulsions, in fact you usually shouldn’t.

Someone suffering with Intrusive thoughts or OCD needs the people around them to be compassionate, understanding, and kind. When someone exhibits an obsessive behavior tied to intrusive thoughts ask them, “Is that an intrusive thought?” usually that’s enough to stop them the thought, even temporarily.

Another thing you can do is ask the sufferer to explain to you what they’re feeling and why they think that way. And don’t judge them for it. Simply nod and smile. People who have intrusive thoughts or OCD need to feel like they aren’t broken because of the way their brain is programed.

Remember, all their brain is doing is trying to stay safe. Treatment involves reframing thoughts and reprograming their brain. The goal isn’t to stop our Amygdala from being aware, it’s to make it less sensitive and less afraid.

Our brain needs to alert us of a flood, it doesn’t need to alert us of 5mph wind.

The important thing to remember with intrusive thoughts is to think of your brain like a toddler. It's pointing everything it thinks and sees out, making sure you see it too. All it wants you to do is say, "yes, I know. But that's not important right now." or "I think you're not seeing it correctly, it's actually this."

Having these thoughts are normal and although distressing they say nothing about your character.

Follow us as we work to end the stigma around mental illness and keep an eye out for our full magazine set to release early January 2021.

Disclaimer: No one at DORD is a medical professional, meaning we provide education from our first hand experience (and our Editor In Chief’s Psychology Degree). If your intrusive thoughts cause you great discomfort, contact a license professional. If you think you're going to hurt yourself or someone else, contact a professional. If you'd like to know how to get in touch with a professional, shoot us a DM and we’ll gladly help connect you with the appropriate resources.

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dreamdropxoxo · 4 years ago

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Ehehe ok by now I should be able to build some basic sentences again 😶 I needed a few days to say goodbye to Basket of Figs 😭 and also your last answer kinda overwhelmed me because you are so incredibly sweet and kind and omg I almost cried and was a bit of an emotional mess (in a good way). I’m most of the time extremely anxious that I may be super obsessive or annoying but then you gave me all these kind words and I was just.. wow *sobs* 🥺

Erm.. ok back to business 😊 I started reading One and Only and what can I say.. I LOVE it!! Of course I love it!! 🥰 Event though it's completely different from BoF with a different universe, different dynamics between the characters and it puts different aspects of Laurent’s and Damen’s characters in the focus but OMG (I’m using an awful lot of OMGs here 😅 ) it is soooooo good! 😍

I freaking adore the fact that Damen, Laurent, Auguste and Nik are all living together. The Nik/Laurent bickering is so awesome. Especially because at the same time they also do like and respect each other. In Chapter 2 when Nik pushed Laurent onto the couch next to Damen and just said „Now you can paw at him“ I laughed so hard. That was so so cute!! Laurent and Auguste are so wonderful together in that they’re both so very protective of the other. Oh I just live for them being like that! And when Nicaise stormed into Laurent’s office in chapter 3 - thus proving that he is alive - I knew I was in (fanfiction) heaven 🤗

And then of course there's Damen and Laurent!! Ahahaha whoever coined this „Dumbs to Lovers“ absolutely hit the nail on the head. They are so freaking oblivious and I don't know whether I want to laugh at them or scream at them. And the pining! OMG the mutual pining is so delicious waahhhh!! 🤤 I’m so glad I have another story where I can look forward to every new chapter!!

(happy) plush shark anon

My dearest plush shark anon 🥰

Your message made me so happy, you have no idea. I’m currently so occupied with university that I don’t get to do much writing and that makes me very sad and your message gave me a reason to smile. Thank you so much.

Your first paragraph just made me a gibberish mess. I got so emotional over it, because, dearie, don’t ever worry about being annoying or obsessive. Honestly, whenever you want, just write me a message about whatever you want to talk and I won’t ever think you’re annoying ❤️.

I’m so glad you like One and Only. After BoF I needed something completely different and this slightly silly story about them was just the right thing to distract me. I enjoyed the opportunity to write about them being so comfortable with each other. The level of comfort and trust between them gave me the much needed sweetness to get over the end of such a long fic as BoF. (As you might see from my response I get very attached to the longer fics I’m writing and have certain issues with letting go 😂).

Also, it makes me so happy that you like the Nik & Laurent dynamics in this fic, because I absolutely think that they have much potential as friends if they meet under the right circumstances. They’re both very loyal and protective while knowing that there are people out there who deliberately hurt others (which is something Damen and Auguste both underestimate) and thus being guarded about who they let in. I think Nik and Laurent have something like a shared understanding that they need to be the ones to look out for Damen and Auguste 🥰.

The dynamic between Auguste and Laurent makes me happy just by existing tbh. That’s why I can’t let Auguste die 😂. I mean I have two younger brothers and I would do anything for them. I may project some of my own experiences and feelings on Auguste in the role of older sibling...

Damen and Laurent... their dynamic here is first and foremost a friendship so deep that they don’t have many secrets between them. Understanding each other blindly and trusting the other without reservations is something I only found in very long friendships or very long romantic relationships so far. The time factor is of essence for their current level of comfort with each other. And, since we’re talking about a soulmate AU here, I wanted to show how dependent on each other they are. They actually trust the other to take care of their needs without saying so explicitly and the fact that this works out perfectly makes their love so obvious to us and outsiders (like Nikandros). But to them it is just what they were always working towards as friends. It wasn’t something that happened from one day to the other and it didn’t result from physical attraction. This came later (at least on Damen’s part) and isn’t the central element of their dynamic here at all. Actually, Nik is only so exasperated because of the sexual tension and not because of their relationship. If they weren’t so attracted to the other on a physical level (and Damen complaining about it to Nik 😂) I think not even Nik would be annoyed by them.

So much to my rambling about this story 😂

I honestly sometimes lose control over my fingers and then it ends in such an answer... I hope you don’t mind 🥰. Thank you so much for telling me all these nice things and for giving me the opportunity to ramble.

Have the nicest week and all the flowers and fun you can get ❤️ 🌸 🌺 🌹

#plush shark anon #ask #answer #one and only #my writing #you're so sweet #and I really appreciate this #my rambling #i apologise in advance #long answer

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shiishki · 4 years ago

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okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

#that was long #probably because my stubborn ass wanted to make pretty formatting #shiishki.rambles #shiishki.interacts with tommie

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purplesurveys · 3 years ago

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1245

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Oh you are just mean. Nutella is amazing as a filling or icing, but when it comes down to it I guess I look for peanut butter more often. I love both though.

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Mashed. But baked potatoes are pretty good too; the only reason I didn’t pick it is that I don’t get to have it as often as I do mashed.

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I’m the eldest sibling, but my sister, who comes after me, has Beatrice as her second name if that’s what you mean by middle name.

Do you like breadsticks? Yes. The more cheesy-garlicky, the better.

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Merch or food.

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Puppy. Not the biggest fan of cats.

How old will you be on your next birthday? 24.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? If it’s the combination of having to be around people I’m not too close with, like workmates, and I’m eating something that tends to be messy, like jjajangmyeon, then yeah I can definitely feel conscious.

When you opened your eyes this morning, what were your first thoughts? I fell asleep from 11 PM to around 3 AM and when I woke up then I thought “ugh, I fell asleep early again?”

What is one thing in the room you’re in that reminds you of somebody? My vape pen constantly reminds me of Andi because they were the one who gave it to me.

Could you ever be friends with somebody who was homophobic? No.

Would you ever want to be a supermodel, or date one? I did want to be one, at one point. It was all a matter of being stuck with the wrong crowd at the time lol.

Honestly, have you ever made fun of somebody so bad they cried? Probably with my sister when we were very young.

Honestly, would you rather be complimented on your looks or intelligence? Intelligence.

Have you ever purchased a pregnancy test, for yourself or otherwise? I never have.

You can get one thing, anything, for free right now. What do you pick? Why? A 1 or 2 TB hard drive. My phone has reached the stage where I’m starting to have to constantly delete shit so I don’t reach the maximum storage, so I need someplace to dump all my photos and videos in to free up my phone.

Honestly, have you ever danced naked? Nope.

What was the first illegal thing that you did? Did you get caught? I dunno...buy pirated movies? I didn’t get ‘caught’ since pirated movie stalls are widespread here anyway, so for the most part I’ve always been more concerned for them than I am for myself.

What is the home page on the computer you’re on? Technically it’s supposed to be the Google home screen, but I have an extension that shows me my to-do list for the day.

Do you like to write poetry? Nah, that’s always been my Achilles’ heel when it comes to writing.

Are your ears pierced? Yup. Surprisingly enough they’ve never closed up despite never having worn earrings (clip-ons notwithstanding) in the last 13 years.

If so, were they pierced with a piercing gun, or with a sterile needle? I’m not sure, since my mom had them pierced when I was a baby. I would guess piercing gun, though.

Do you wear makeup regularly? I never wear makeup.

Did you eat cereal for breakfast today? I never have cereal unless I’m staying at hotels. It’s just never been something I look for.

When was the last time you tripped over something? A box that was lying around in my room.

Any obsessive-compulsive tendencies? I’ll sometimes get concerned with how many times I have to flick the switch of our hot water dispenser or open and close the refrigerator door before I feel completely satisfied...but I dunno if that counts.

Who was the last person you yelled at? Technically...Angela? I was filming an unboxing video for a gift she randomly got me and I loved the gift so much I was yelling my excitement through the screen.

Why did you yell at them? ^ That.

Favorite type of apple? I don’t like fruits.

Ever seen live horse racing? No, it’s not something that interests me.

How about live greyhound racing? I don’t even know what that looks like.

What’s one thing, besides the obvious, that you couldn’t live without? The arts, I guess. I need something to listen to, to watch, etc on a regular basis.

Have you ever touched a giraffe? I don’t think so.

What does your mom call you? Robyn, or the Filipino term parents use for their kids.

What stresses you out the most in life? A particular client at work. We have a million campaigns going on for them at any given point so my life virtually revolves around that brand these days.

Do you play any PC games? What is your favorite? Nope.

If you were pregnant, how would you tell the father? Well, that would depend on the circumstances. Did we want a baby? Was it a bad surprise, a happy surprise? I can't answer this with just one idea. < Yeah.

What’s the hardest level you can play on Guitar Hero? If I’m using a Playstation controller, I can go Hard or Expert. But my finger coordination with the actual guitar controller is terrible and I fail most songs even at Easy.

What ever happened with you and your first boyfriend? There was never any ‘boyfriend,’ but my first girlfriend and I have basically had a falling out and I haven’t talked to her in months, and I expect it to continue being that way.

What’s your favorite country song? I don’t have any.

What is the worst thing a former boyfriend/girlfriend has done to you? Putting her pride and anger first even when I’m obviously in a state of disstress or breakdown in front of her. That’s some emotional rollercoaster I’m glad I don’t have to deal with anymore.

What were you for Halloween last year? Just Dora the Explorer again, which was a repeat from the year before that.

Are you feeling guilty for something? I don’t think so; at least there isn’t anything I’m actively feeling guilty about at the moment.

Are you usually quiet or loud? I think I’m in between? I’m pretty loud but I can space out at the most random moments hahaha.

How many hours do you spend on the computer a day? This question always makes me wince at myself...I guess anywhere between 16-18 hours? The only time I put my laptop down is when I’m off to bed, but otherwise it’s constantly open.

What is the show that you watched when you were little, and you still do? I don’t think there is such a show.

Do your siblings text you? Nope. We live under the same roof 24/7 so there’s been little need to text.

Do you want a small or big wedding? Big.

Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth? Yes, but that was when Google Earth was still super bare so I wasn’t able to see the actual house anyway, but just the general area where we’re located. I haven’t used Google Earth in years.

Who is your ex dating/talking to? I don’t know and I hoooonestly could not care less.

Ever kissed someone who smokes? Yep.

Does it take a lot for someone to annoy you? Depends on my mood. I have my moments where it’s very easy for me to get irritated.

Do you own your own computer? I mean it was bought for me, but I didn’t get it with money I earned.

Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? When my brother was starting to mature, my sister and I very very briefly experimented sharing a room, but it lasted like all of two weeks. My parents ultimately just transferred our balcony to a bedroom so that all three of us had our own rooms.

What noises in the room you’re in, do you hear at the moment? An airplane is flying above me at the moment so I can hear its engine. I can also hear some crickets chirping and the faint barking of dogs.

Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours? Yup.

What’s the biggest upcoming event for you? I guess my second vaccine dose is kinda big? It’s happening this Friday.

What do you typically order from Wendy’s? I rarely get Wendy’s tbh, but when I do I usually go for their Baconator.

Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? No, it’s not something I would be into.

What do you love most about yourself? Continued the next day because I am terrible at taking a survey in one go. I like that I don’t hesitate to do or buy things for my loved ones, not even inwardly. I guess it’s because my family has always lived very practically, so I want to make up for that by spoiling my friends.

Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed? Yes.

What are you doing right now? I am supposed to be at work but it’s a relatively quiet day, so I’m here. I do have my screen split between Tumblr and my emails though, so that I’d be able to see if new work will come in hahaha.

What’s bothering you right now? Quiet work days always make me anxious because it makes me think if I’m forgetting about something crucial.

What was the last thing you drank? I literally just took a sip of my coffee before moving on to this question.

Be honest, do you like people in general? Depends on the situation, I think. Like when I go to concerts, I know I’m around people I share the same interests with, so there’s a sense of solidarity that goes with that. But when I’m like...I dunno, lining up to get my license renewed at a government office, I know people there are in a rush and tend to get rude, and that makes me feel a little bit overwhelmed. I don’t think this is something I can generalize.

Do you want your tongue pierced? No. Lip I can consider, but I have to pass on tongue.

Do you change your phone background a lot? I do these days, yeah.

Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something? Possibly.

Have you ever been strip searched? I’ve been searched, but was never asked to strip.

Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? No, it’s an ordinary surname.

Ever have a drug overdose? What did you OD on exactly? Never.

Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? I get sick of people who call themselves bipolar, and of people who use ‘bipolar’ to describe someone else who just has your typical mood swings.

Describe your day so far in three words: Business as usual.

What was the most stressful project you had so far/while in school? I was once designated as a leader for a science investigative project, which didn’t make sense because science was definitely not my strongest point. Needless to say it didn’t go well and I ended up being a terrible leader. Choose one- Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers: Butterfinger, even though they’re a bitch to eat and chew.

Have you ever stepped in dog poop? Maybe once or twice. It fortunately doesn’t happen a lot.

What was the last thing you spent money on? I got Angela and Reena cheese tarts. The reason behind it was Jin held a VLIve last Monday and he had been eating egg tarts during the stream; and because I was happy to have watched my first Jin live, I got my friends cheese tarts hahaha. I don’t know a lot of places that sells good egg tarts so I settled for cheese tarts instead, which I think are better anyway.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? Yeah.

Is there a guy that knows a lot about you? I guess Hans? We personally don’t get to have a lot of heart-to-heart exchanges, but considering how Angela’s my greatest confidante I’m sure she has shared bits of my life to him, which I don’t mind.

Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without? I don’t really like answering this question anymore because the people that I’ve declared ‘for keeps’ have faded out of my life at some point. I’m a lot more guarded and self-preservation-y when it comes to this now.

Do you prefer Starbucks coffee or small cafe coffee? Ooooh, both. I love coffee.

Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? No.

Do you enjoy being outdoors? If the weather is nice, yes.

Do people tell you that you have an accent? I mean I’ve been told my English is strong, but my accent in particular doesn’t really get noted.

Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July? I don’t celebrate that.

What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? I don’t like talking about my brother. Otherwise I am pretty open about everything.

Is there anyone you would take a bullet for? Several people come to mind.

Do you enjoy tanning? If I’m at the beach, sure. It’s honestly not something I have to constantly keep up with, though, since I’m already naturally tan enough. Are you a virgin? No.

Who’s your celebrity crush? Taehyung :(

Did or do you get good grades in English class? I always got pretty good grades in English.

What part of your body are you self-conscious about? Teeth, and my legs sometimes.

Are you expected to help fix Thanksgiving dinner? I don’t celebrate that.

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Yes.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Yes.

When was the last time you got a shot? Last month, then I’m getting my second dose tomorrow.

#survey #surveys

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discotreque · 4 years ago

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Disco 3.08: The Sanctuary

This week IRL was a real mixed bag for me: a lot of messy and barely-manageable anxiety about my health, my day job, and uhhhh *gestures outside*—but also I’ve recently fallen in love (from a responsible social distance)—so it’s been equal parts re-writing professional emails to edit the panic attack out of my tone and gazing dreamily at Discord notifications with cartoon hearts in my eyes. It feels like my life is going to hell in the cutest, coziest handbasket—which is to say that Michael Burnham could not possibly feel like a more relatable character to me right now.

I continue to have issues with the writing at a strange medium-level—somewhere between micro, where the dialogue and characters are really good, and macro, where I’m digging the pace of the overall season, it almost feels like something went wrong in the assembly process, and the script ended up a little bit less than the sum of its perfectly good parts. Again.

But that’s such vague criticism as to be nearly meaningless, and it’s hardly the most interesting level to spend time on anyway. If I zoom out, the parallel season arcs of “getting used to the future” and “the mystery of the Burn” are hanging together wayyyyy better than the Red Angel saga did last year.

And if I zoom in? This episode was funny as shit, wtf.

The discourse re: Tilly these past couple of weeks has been bullshit, and I have a whole angry thing to say about it—but honestly, if you can’t appreciate Doug Jones and Mary Wiseman as a comedic duo, I’m not really mad: mostly I pity the lack of joy in your heart.

Everyone on this show is so funny. Doug’s prissy little delivery absolutely slaughters me (“Execute!...?”), Mary will make a face sometimes that has me screaming laughter into my hands, and I’ve gone on before—and will again—about Sonequa Martin-Green’s egregiously underrated comedy chops.

They were obviously casting for folks w/ jokes in the new season too: David Ajada is no slouch in the dry-delivery or the goofy-face department; his energy and chemistry with Sonequa are as suited to comedy as they are to romance (i.e. extremely 🥵). Anthony Rapp and Wilson Cruz we knew about, but Blu del Barrio—a certified tiny baby!!!—holds their own and lands every smartass whiz-kid one-liner just on the right side of “too precious to stand.” (I almost always at least chuckle, and never roll my eyes, and for a “teen genius” character that’s literally as good as it gets.) And living legend Michelle Yeoh is clearly having the time of her life, omfg.

Disco’s not funny-funny like Lower Decks, but they do funny-on-purpose better than any live-action Trek except maybe DS9. They have such a deep comedic bench they don’t even need Tig Notaro—they have her on just to flex, I presume.

(I don’t know if I’m predicting, per se, that Strange New Worlds—with Rebecca Romjin’s deadpan, Anson Mount’s twinkly eyes, and Ethan Peck’s twinkly-eyed deadpan—is going to have a tone somewhere between Disco S3 and LwD—but I mean... it kinda has to, right? And you know they kept the number for Rainn Wilson’s agent.)

***

At the start of this episode, I was “sure, why the fuck not” about First Officer Tilly; by the end, I was completely on board. And to everyone who’s still wringing their hands about “the real military” this (always from people who have no idea how actual militaries work, lol) and “Lt. Nilsson” that (she... already has a job on the ship? And no character traits besides “stoic” and “furrows brow”? Oh, I get it—she’s skinny and blonde)—y’all are kind of embarrassing me.

“Rank” and “position” (and “seniority” and “day-to-day duties”...) aren’t the same thing, in Star Trek or any IRL military. Yes, the permanent first officers of normal-duty Starfleet ships we’ve seen have usually been command-division officers with the rank of Commander—but not always. Star Trek: Discovery-A, if you will, is a unique show about a unique ship in a unique situation: “B-b-but that’s not how they do it on Star Trek!!!” isn’t a legitimate criticism, not of this—it’s the mournful cry of an entitled pissbaby who isn’t having their hand held all the way to the fireworks factory.

Here’s what an argument supported by the text of the first 37 episodes of Star Trek: Discovery actually looks like: Sylvia Tilly is nervous and lacks self-confidence, but once she gets over herself—which she can do pretty much instantly in a crisis, even when hilariously intoxicated—she is competent as hell. In lower-stakes situations, without intense pressure to focus her attention, she sometimes gets sidetracked by her own insecurities; at her best, she channels that anxious energy into ambition, drive, and being scrupulously organized.

The only person Tilly doesn’t always get along with is Stamets, and even Stamets’s husband thinks he’s an asshole. Since Season 1, we’ve seen her easily socializing with the rest of the crew, who seem to universally adore her. And she’s also happy to leave her social comfort zone at a moment’s notice: she aligned herself with Ash Tyler (miss you, Shazad!) when no one else would, and she instantly befriended Po even when Po was in Weird Feral Alien Princess mode and Tilly had salad in her hair. She doesn’t like confrontation, but she’s brave enough to initiate it anyway if she needs to, and she’s compassionate with other people’s feelings while still setting firm boundaries. (Her graceful dodge of Rhys’s tipsy kiss at the party in 1.07 lives rent-free in my head to this day.)

No, Tilly didn’t finish the Command Training Program—but she started it, which is almost certainly more command training than any of the lieutenants whose names we know, all of whom are Ops or Science personnel with, presumably, specialized non-command training of their own. The same could be assumed for any unseen ranking officers on this science ship with an entirely volunteer skeleton crew.

And seriously, about Nilsson: she’s my #3 background bae after Octopus Head and the lady on Pike’s Enterprise with the spiky red face, but her job is Spore Drive Ops, not personnel. If she’s running after Saru with a holo-clipboard, who’s going to look serious and push holo-buttons when there’s a Black Alert? *drops holo-mic* Drumhead!

***

The stuff on Kwejian, though. Ooof. Ol’ Two-Takes Frakes directed this one, and between the kinetic energy he always adds to the camera and the scintillating performances he evokes, things stayed moving so briskly I almost didn’t notice Book’s entire “homeworld” was a rental house outside Vancouver, a couple acres of adjacent woods, and like six or seven people.

It’s a hot mess in retrospect, but in the moment it gave us the intensity of Book and Kyheem trying to hurt each other’s feelings by poking at 15-year-old wounds, which as a sibling with complicated sibling relationships I found both funny and devastating—not to mention Frakes directing “shaky bridge” explosion falls at an obvious intensity of “10” on an outdoor location shoot. It falls apart at the slightest scrutiny, but I can’t lie, on first viewing I was totally along for the ride.

***

I’m dying to see where this Georgiou thing goes. It doesn’t feel like a stretch to assume she got Cronenberg’d a couple weeks ago, probably to get her under the thumb of this century’s Section 31, and that her arc is going to take Michelle Yeoh off this show in a way that sets up the S31 show. But also, I don’t care so much whether I’m right, I just want to watch Michelle Yeoh—and Sonequa Martin-Green, and also David Cronenberg tbh, and bring back Shazad Latif while you’re at it—get wherever they’re going.

It’s also a fun and interesting direction to take the comically-evil comic relief character and show that her performative moustache-twirling is partly habit and partly a transparent emotional defence against very real fear and vulnerability. We’re all products of our circumstances, and a radical enough change in circumstances can afford almost anyone at least the opportunity to change. I can’t say Emperor Georgiou would have been my first choice of protagonist for that storyline, but it’s not like Michelle Yeoh’s not going to fuckin’ crush it.

***

Miscellany:

So the Burn had an origin point, and now that point is broadcasting a signal that’s somehow both a haunting melody that everyone seems to know—but no one can remember learning—and a Federation distress signal. What the fuck, y’all. I have full-body goosebumps just typing that.

Saru workshopping his own captainly catchphrase with the aid of Tilly’s extreme sincerity and organizational skills is probably the funniest thing that’s ever happened on this show—followed closely by the uncomfortably lingering reaction shots when he’s trying them out on the bridge 😂 (And omg please give Rhys and Bryce the dumbass buddy-comedy C-plots they deserve next season, I beg you.)

I would do a little “prop watch” entry on those Kwejianian(?) bolt-throwing rifles, but I’d have to stop drooling over them first. “Curvy polished hardwood” seems to be New Trek shorthand for “extra sleek and futuristic” (cf. the bridge of the USS Titan in the LwD finale), and I have to say: I am fully into it.

Restating my prediction that we will not see Detmer and Owosekun get together this season, because we will find out that they’ve been together for ages. Everyone knew—Pike even knew!—it just never came up in front of the audience before. That would be one of the cutest ways to do it imho, and one of the funniest too, especially as a meta-joke about how much character development didn’t happen in the first two seasons. (That said, if we get to see their first kiss, I will be screaming with incoherent joy for days, so this is a real win-win for me.)

Speaking of cute: IRL spouses Mary Wiseman and Noah Averbach-Katz, both Julliard-trained actors (it’s where they met!), can’t quite hide their chemistry in the scenes between Tilly and Ryn. I loved seeing Tilly be a hardass when Ryn was rude to the captain, but that sparkle in her eyes didn’t quite match the context <3

And speaking of people who are VERY OBVIOUSLY IN LOVE: that last scene with Book and Michael, and his nervous little “yeah, I said it” eyebrow lift, and her irrepressible giggle as she’s walking away... it was almost too much. Especially right after the queer-family scenes with Stamets and Culber and Adira. My poor heart is going through a lot lately, and I guess I’m just glad Season 3’s emotional intensity is melting it with soft sweet scenes like that instead of kicking it down repeated flights of stairs like Season 1.

***

Next week: everyone stops caring about the Burn and starts trying to solve an even more important mystery—why is this (holographic) dude wearing an early-2360s uniform with an early-2370s combadge?

#star trek discovery #disco spoilers #star trek discovery spoilers #amy's episode notes

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atopearth · 3 years ago

Text

Collar X Malice Part 5 - Yanagi Aiji Route (including Criminal Chapter & Mini Review)

Time for the best looking guy Yanagi!! Okay, usually my favourite looking guy is never the route I like the most but we'll see how it goes! He's even got his own common route! Anyway, lmao at the glossary on Enomoto's relationship history, I find it hilarious how it says he's still haunted by the memory of his kindergarten teacher crush being married😂😂😂 HAHAHA, no wonder why Sasazuka doesn't have a good impression of Enomoto. Even on their first meeting, Enomoto gets his profession wrong and then he calls him tiny LOL. Way to be straightforward, I can imagine Sasazuka killing him in his mind already. On the other hand, Enomoto being a starstruck kid with Shiraishi's profiling job is so cute lol. Lmao at Sasazuka and Enomoto being nicknamed the Miso Soup Duo by Shiraishi because Enomoto calls Sasazuka seaweed, and initially Shiraishi called Enomoto Enoki loll. I'm really liking all the guys' first meeting! Especially how even though Sasazuka thinks Enomoto is an idiot, but could also understand and feel his sincerity towards the X-Day cases when they asked Enomoto what his motivations were. Well, it seems like Yanagi failed to protect someone a long time ago and that haunts him to this day, so I can see why he was so anxious over Ichika, and then so relieved to see she was alive (when they first met)🤔 I always felt like Yanagi knew Ichika, but it kinda got brushed to the side so I forgot, but now that he's actually asking her, I wonder where he met her... Yanagi's goal is as sweet as he is. To a certain extent, I have to agree with him that having a normal everyday life where you can talk with friends, eat what you want, go to work and then sleep soundly at night is something we should all be able to have, so Adonis taking that away from the people in Shinjuku makes him strive to return these "normal lives" back to the people. I guess that's understandable, I can't imagine the amount of stress all these people are under tbh. They're all stuck in Shinjuku, every adult has a gun, terrorists are everywhere with murder cases rampant, and the more cases that are discovered, the more the police's powers are questioned, as well as the discovery of more and more corruption within the police. No one feels safe, everyone wants a bit of their normal lives back so they try to live "normally" but at the same time it's not really their life because they're restricted, they're scared and they don't know if they'll even survive by the time X-Day comes.

Anyway, Yanagi is really so gentle and caring. Considering how patient Yanagi really is, it's kinda amusing how much he can't stand Okazaki lol. LMAO when Ichika asked Mukai and Sakuragawa if they were questioning her relationship with Shiraishi because they were interested in him😂😂 I can so imagine their absolute disgust lmao. Even though Kazuki doesn't have the best attitude, you really can't fault him for his sentiments. If December really is the last month they'll all get before X-Day then yeah, it would definitely be worse being stuck at home feeling too scared to go out and missing out on actually living your life, and honestly it's true, I mean that guy who was the game developer got killed at home, so really, staying at home doesn't guarantee your safety, the only thing that guarantees your safety is if you're not targeted and no one will really know if they are until they're about to be killed. When Kazuki said no one has never done anything wrong in their lives, so there's no guarantee that any of us could be safe, it really resonated with me because he's right. Everything has done something "wrong" at least once in their lives and Adonis is judging them for it on their own terms, meaning no one knows if they'll get judged or not because it's not like Adonis is very clear about what kind of people they target. I guess despite Kazuki's brashness, he does think quite a bit about Shinjuku's situation. But yeah, I don't blame Ichika, like dude, Kazuki goes out at 2am?! Yep, I'd be super worried. Anyway, one of the things I hate the most about starting a new route again is having to experience Kazuki and Ichika's bad relationship again. I honestly feel so hurt for Ichika every time he shouts at her saying she doesn't care about him, when he just doesn't notice that even though she's been busy and neglected him to an extent, she always makes sure to do stuff like make him breakfast, dinner etc and tries to communicate with him in the time she does have, whereas he has never made the effort to try to reach out to her and understand her life or situation. Honestly, if he ever just worried about her considering how much danger she's in as a police officer right now with Adonis and all the other crap going on, I would probably be less annoyed by how rebellious he is but really, he still aggravates me because of how inconsiderate and harsh she is. Anyway, I'm glad Ichika called Yanagi to go with her to check on Kazuki, and it was so nice of him to immediately come out to help her. Lmao when he asked Okazaki if he was there and he really was following them😂 HAHAHA, when Okazaki asked Ichika for her phone number and she looked at Yanagi to see if it was okay, and when he said yeah, Okazaki was like yay he got her dad's blessing lmaooo. Yanagi really is everyone's dad😂

How interesting though! Mochida and Ichika joining Investigations HQ to help out with the X-Day cases! I can understand why Ichika is so desperate though, honestly I always thought Ichika was never desperate enough in the other routes hahahaha. Ooh wow, so Yanagi couldn't shoot a criminal during his time as a policeman, and I guess that's probably related to this traumatic past and also Ichika's. Anyway, it's good that he puts a lot of weight to every life and doesn't believe in taking that away from a person, but yeah it would have been hard for him to continue as a policeman like that. Awwww, Ichika, Yanagi and the lost little girl holding hands looking for the girl's mother was sooo cuteeee!🥰🥰 I really liked how talking to Yanagi motivated Ichika to be more frank and honest with Kazuki and tell him what she couldn't before, as well as apologise for always just lecturing him and not trying to understand him. The CG with Yanagi touching her forehead checking if she has a fever and stuff after her "nightmare" was so pretty!! Yanagi has such beautiful CGs like dang, I love them all. Anyway, so great that she got to wake up to Yanagi's face hahahha, and food prepared by him too! It must feel pretty bad for Ichika...she so honestly told him she wanted to know more about him and be a proper partner with him for the investigations and he rejected her and pushed her away..

Akito's plight always breaks my heart. But hearing him so honestly telling Ichika that not only has he recently finally realised that what he hated most weren't the people who harassed his sister but instead himself, and then telling Ichika that he really really regrets joining Adonis, I couldn't help but feel so much pain for him. It's also because of Akito that makes me think that no matter how much I think those people who died in a sense "deserved" what happened to them, what Adonis does for people like Akito will never truly help them with what they truly need and want in their lives after what they suffered. Adonis only takes advantage of them and their weaknesses to do their personal bidding for their own personal revenge against society. No matter how pretty they make it sound as a rebirth of society and from corruption etc, all they're doing is using all the people who need the most help to hurt themselves and others in a pursuit of hatred and revenge. It also makes me think of Sanjou, that even though Adonis supposedly "helped" him with stuff like his revenge etc, in the end Sanjou didn't feel anything more from it than wanting to die. However, it's also undeniable that despite the result, I'm sure a part of these people would be relieved to have been "saved" by Adonis, and probably don't regret it like Akito. I mean, Sugawara Rika's torment was one that Adonis really helped to erase. One thing I always appreciate about Akito is that Kazuki's dreams and trust in Akito is always what makes Akito have the determination to go against Adonis, so it really makes me happy how much their friendship means to them and how much they cherish each other.

I was so happy that Ichika was there to help Yanagi continue to believe in his principles that you don't have to sacrifice people to save others, and that there can be ways to resolve situations without killing. I'm just happy that he didn't need to compromise himself in a state of confusion. As for Yanagi's past, it's something difficult for him to take considering even if it was ruled as self-defence back in the day (when he killed the guy who captured Ichika when she was young) it doesn't change the fact that he killed someone, so I'm sure that weighed heavily on him. I don't think many people would be able to stay the same after experiencing something like that. Just as Yanagi was saved by Ichika's words and could finally overcome a bit of the fear he had in shooting someone, him telling her how much he appreciated her encouraging him and helping him also relieved her of her own trembling fear in shooting in a real field and not just for target practice. I thought it was so cute how Yanagi admitted it was "his lost" and that he wants Ichika as his partner and wants to work hard together now. I'm not surprised that what happened at the Tokyo Metropolitan Building with the hostage situation was something Yanagi encountered before and that's why he found it difficult to face again, especially since in that incident, he continued to negotiate with the suspect even though he had orders to shoot him, and in the end the suspect got violent so others shot him anyway. Honestly, I'm sure that Yanagi understands that it must feel like naivety to want no one to die and not just prioritise "innocents" and "victims" knowing the danger that "criminals" can create especially when you're planted in such a situation, but I can understand a bit of Yanagi's sentiments. Tbh, it has always unsettled me whenever I think about criminals dying, and I understand that there are situations where it can't be helped, especially when it puts so many other people in danger and I would never arrogantly think that these people "could have done better" because I'm sure most people would rather not kill someone if they had the choice to not, but yeah digging into the thoughts and emotions of "criminals" have always been something I've been curious about a lot of my life. And of course even if we just capture criminals, we could probably never really "understand" why they did what they did anyway, but I do naively feel that as long as we keep trying, maybe we can find ways to create less of these situations where so many people wouldn't have to be so "hurt" and turn to crime. Of course, this would probably only apply to some "criminals" though since if crimes only stemmed from people who were hurt somehow in their lives, then things would probably be much simpler, but instead people's lives are complicated and what they choose to do would never come about from just one or two things that happened to them.

Anyway, considering Yanagi's thoughts, I agree with his decision to leave the police. With such doubts in his mind, I don't think he would be able to do what is expected of him, so instead of endangering others with his indecision, he might as well leave or take a break. And coupled with his desire to protect everything and new directives to prioritise shooting criminals performing acts related to X-Day, there's no way Yanagi would be able to stay with the police. And with that, I'm glad that Ichika was the one who was able to make Yanagi realise that alongside these ideals of his, he would still need to shoot people, even if it's not to cause death, but to protect others by disabling them from being able to cause danger. I think it's nice that Yanagi finally feels like he's actually moving forward from his fear of hurting people excessively. But yeah, seeing the past incident from Ichika's and Yanagi's perspectives was pretty daunting in the sense that Yanagi must have felt really bad that his actions caused the kidnapper to become violent with Ichika, and he felt responsible for needing to protect her and save her even more. His reckless and thoughtless actions led to that, and because he was "weak", he knew that if he wanted to protect Ichika properly, he needed to do everything he could to save her, and that meant killing the guy to make it impossible for him to do anything to them anymore. Yanagi was only a high school kid too, so that must have broken him so much. Ooh the kidnapper guy isn't dead, he's the guy in a coma that Yanagi has been visiting for 10 years! I'm surprised that no one took Yanagi to a therapist even if it was ruled as self-defence and he was a minor... It's so adorable how Yanagi was so concerned about whether Okazaki hit on Ichika, he had to message her again in the middle of the night after talking about the serious stuff before lol. I'm not sure if I'm being super suspicious but I feel like Mochida is a part of Adonis haha, sorry if I'm wrong since he's so nice😅 Saeki is expected since I kinda got spoiled haha but I've always wondered about him ever since he said in the beginning of the game that he admired Ichika's ideals or something haha. I'm glad that Yanagi told Ichika that just because Saeki is most likely the one who collared her, she doesn't need to think or deny everything she knows about him, and that if she wants to believe he has his own reasons, she should hear those first before thinking that everything was a lie.

I'm kinda shocked at how ruthlessly Saeki poisoned Ichika with the collar...but I guess I shouldn't be surprised since there were other times he killed her in those bad endings... Anyway, Mikuni's mother being a part of the religious cult that was kinda where Adonis originated is interesting...I wonder what exactly is the difference between Mikuni and Saeki now that Mikuni is willing to discard Saeki to save himself and his other followers? It's so nice of Kazuki care so much about Ichika btw~ Those moments are always so nice and worth it. On the other hand, as usual, Yanagi's CGs are so so beautiful! I love how upfront they are with each other with wanting to hold hands and get some physical support from the other. They're so cute~ It's interesting how Saeki has the same goal as Yanagi, which is to restore normal everyday life to everyone, but I guess mostly for the "weaker" people who have been oppressed and he'll just destroy the other "evil" people who interrupt that peace. Well, aside from it being problematic that he'll probably kill a lot of the population depending on what he regards as evil, but I can understand his sentiments to an extent. If most of the people he wants to get rid of are like people who "destroyed" Sanjou and his other colleagues' lives, or all those stalkers that basically made Sugawara paranoid and crazy, then yeah definitely understandable, but I still think people like Fujii are worth turning things around for. Yeah, Fujii made a lot of mistakes, abused his power and connections, oppressed others to elevate himself, and it's understandable if the ones involved like Isshiki and Ogata never forgave him, but seeing him sincerely regret his actions and want to repent, and continuously go to apologise to Isshiki and do what he can to make amends makes me believe that Saeki obviously thinks everyone is irredeemable. Fujii was terrible, and he can never give back what he took, but he had the potential again to give to others what he gave Enomoto, and I think that's something only someone who has learnt from their mistakes will much more appreciate in doing imo anyway.

Mikuni and Saeki seem much closer than it felt from the other routes, I guess that makes it all the more saddening that he died in Shiraishi's route. Sometimes I wonder if it's more saddening to be Mikuni, the person who has been so close to Saeki all this time and still not feel like he had truly understood him, or would it be more saddening to be Saeki and feel that Mikuni has been by his side all this time but still not really understand what he really wanted? I guess it's sad for both sides... It was really sad to see Mukai cry over Shiraishi, I honestly still feel like she's a better match for Shiraishi than Ichika but that's not important right now haha, but I do enjoy seeing how much it affected Mukai and how much she respects him even if she hates him at the same time lol. I'm so happy that Yanagi finally properly responded to Ichika's feelings!! I'm happy that he's finally come to terms with the idea that he can be selfish and happy as well, like it took a while, but it was honestly worth it with how the confession and everything went, it was so adorable and it really felt like Yanagi could fully desire a future with Ichika. Aww, I love how even Sasazuka made time to come to Enomoto's Christmas party (well Yanagi made the food though but yeah lolol). HAHAHA, I love how Yoshinari noticed something was going on with Yanagi and Ichika (when she told him to stop smoking so much since he's been smoking even more these days), and so Yanagi admitted to it by kissing her on the cheek in front of everyone hahahahaha! It was so funny how Yanagi was blushing after doing that lmaoo. And I died when Enomoto screamed that Yanagi was so cool😂😂 I love how supportive Enomoto is all the time, and I guess Sasazuka as well with his tsundere-ness lol~ Yanagi calling her Ichika instead of Hoshino was so cuteee~ Anyway, I'm kinda disappointed with how Saeki was...handled? Like, considering how much it was the core of the story for Ichika to be the one who was supposed to in a sense "truly understand" and succeed Saeki's ideals, I honestly wanted to hear more of what Saeki desired. Like yeah, he wanted to erase all sorrow and honestly it's understandable, especially when he said to Yanagi and them that there are people who are too weak to be like those who are "strong" and can continue to face forward and power through their "sorrow", because really, if everyone really could soldier on through their sorrow, then no one would be truly "unhappy". Anyway, I just felt it was pretty underwhelming to have Saeki to be the "mastermind" but he probably has less screentime than the other villains in the other routes lol. Otherwise, Yanagi giving a ring to Ichika was so adorable, I love how literally everyone is so curious about their love that they would all go to peek on them lmao. The other endings are pretty interesting, but honestly wayy too short to really feel anything about them. I think the crazed Ichika that wanted to lock up Kazuki and Yanagi so that they would never get hurt from Adonis was amusing.

The Criminal Chapter is kinda interesting, but I think they might have been more useful in the chapters themselves than separately, since I feel like, if you felt something for them, then this only solidifies it, but if you didn't, then nothing can really change your opinion of them now. Personally, I've always liked quite a few of them though, so I did appreciate Ogata being fleshed out with the departure of his wife, I think it's more saddening that what caused her to leave wasn't really because she lost faith in Ogata himself but because she couldn't handle the pressure from everything that came from it. But yeah I think that would have made him a more empathised character in Enomoto's route, since I feel like in the route, they focused more on him hating the police and justice itself rather than exploring directly his pain itself, which I think would have made him a more interesting villain for that route. Hana didn't change for me, because it was pretty expected, considering how "normal" her reason was, her obsession and craziness was probably the worst, and probably the most uncomfortable to watch because out of all the victims, Enomoto's relation to Fujii and hearing about his story really made Fujii's death that much more personal. Akito's was definitely really tragic, because seeing Akito's attitude towards his sister before her death, and even calling her creepy like all the other bullies did made me further understand how much Akito hated himself the most. I always feel so bad for Sugawara though, I can't imagine these stalkers scrutinising every moment of her life, hindering her work, all her friends and everything, I honestly think I would want to just die to get away from all that. As for Souda... Honestly, the way Sasazuka captured Souda in his route still kinda haunts me, and reading a bit more about his past solidifies how uncomfortable I felt having to see Souda experience all he did in Sasazuka's route. I know it's not a healthy way to handle things and his problems, but I think by being able to personally understand how much a game could "save" you, and then having that betray you because of something that isn't your fault and then being hated for it really hurt. Shion and Suzune got a lot of screentime in Shiraishi's route, so yeah nothing much to say that I haven't said tbh.

Something I think I would have really appreciated in Okazaki's route would be seeing more about how Sanjou and the other officers despaired over the physical and mental abuse they suffered at work from their superiors. Sanjou's feelings still got across to me though so I guess it was good enough, but I think it would have nice to delve deeper into how terrible the environment was, and how much hope Sanjou lost because this was the police itself that was destroying them, so where could they even turn? Considering how important Saeki and Mikuni's meeting 10 years ago should have been, and their ideals and everything, it's a bit frustrating to have to see it in this chapter that's not a part of the actual main story. Also, considering how much Mikuni being the prime minister's son was a big deal, and the assassination attempt years ago, you would assume the story would at least talk about the prime minister himself to get a gauge of his image and stuff, but this is also only loosely explored in this criminal chapter lol. But through this, I think I can better understand why Mikuni and Saeki can never really "understand" each other. Which can already be kinda described through their respective lives with Mikuni being strong in the sense that even though he grew up with most things people would wish to have, he chooses to discard all that to fight for a more equal world, whereas Saeki's determination was never something that stemmed from "choice", Saeki's desires seemed to be more fuelled by the pressure of survival in itself, and that's why Mikuni will never be able to understand his desperation, and also how truly personal it is to be fighting for the "weak" who just aren't strong enough to properly fight or do something about their situation, such as his mother. I really liked the CG of all the executors at the end though~

MINI REVIEW Overall, I really did like Collar X Malice. There's a lot of things I felt a bit weird about such as Shiraishi's ending, how boring Ichika became in the second half of Sasazuka's route, lack of exploration into Saeki's character etc, but I still really enjoyed it! I think what I loved most was definitely the individual cases themselves, because exploring police corruption and the unfairness in society by "victims" who felt like they were forced to rely on Adonis to solve their problems and injustice was interesting and emotionally engaging. I empathised with a lot of them and especially liked Akito and Sanjou since something about them really resonated with me, it was probably their sadness tbh. A lot of them lash out in anger towards the "perpetrators" so I think seeing Sanjou and Akito just so "done" with this world and so sad about how they were forced to view themselves, their place in this world and how the world has treated them kinda broke my heart. Honestly, I liked all of them except Hana lol. As for Saeki, I didn't really feel much for him even after getting to know more about his story and relationship with Mikuni. Maybe my opinion might change after I play Collar X Malice: Unlimited since there's apparently an Adonis route lol, but yeah, honestly after all the fleshed out (most of them) "villains" in each route, it's kinda "funny" how shallow Saeki was portrayed imo even though I thought his ideals for helping the "weak" was an interesting idea. Anyway, as for the LIs, this is surprising (and kinda funny) but my favourite was definitely Enomoto. Whenever people mention CxM, it's always about Shiraishi and Sasazuka, so I had no expectations at all for Enomoto but I loved him SO MUCH. Not kidding at all, because every time I read his route, I couldn't stop smiling or laughing because he was so cute, earnest, sincere and funny. He's honestly not even the type I like because Yanagi is my favourite type lmao, but I loved Enomoto to the max. He and Ichika play off each other really well and in a cute way. The funny thing is that usually my favourite type usually has a boring route, but surprisingly I really liked Yanagi's route too! I think exploring Yanagi's weakness, guilt and inability to move forward properly was more interesting than I thought it would be and I really enjoyed how he and Ichika interacted. Honestly, I reallyyyy like Okazaki as an LI but I found his route rather boring until the end lol, and even though Sasazuka was kinda cute and less mean than I thought, I found that the "fire" Ichika had towards others in other routes wasn't present with Sasazuka and it kinda felt like she just followed him around in the second half lol. As for Shiraishi, it's funny how he's so mysterious but has such a "wholesome" route for the most part until the end lol, but yeah anyway, he wasn't my type in terms of looks, personality, story or anything so yeah... Lol. Overall, I would rate the game an 8/10! Enjoyable and probably one of the "better” otome out there with a good story~

#collar x malice

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akechicrimes · 5 years ago

Note

7 or 71 for either shuake or yukamitsu [big eye emojis]

7. “I told you that I’d never leave you; I’m not going anywhere.”

On Goro’s thirty-fourth birthday at ten-thirty in the morning, Akira calls him at work and says, “Happy birthday, dear. I just got hit by a car, and I need to know what color bike you want.”

On Goro’s thirty-fourth birthday at ten-thirty in the morning, Akira calls him at work (which Goro dubiously eyeballs for a whole four seconds before picking up) and says, “Happy birthday, dear. I just got hit by a car, and I need to know what color bike you want.”

Well, neither Goro nor Akira own a car for Akira to drive, so that means Akira got hit on foot. Goro is very calm, and has no immediate panic response to that, because he’s a rational and responsible adult. “Are you dead?” Goro asks.

“Probably not.”

“And is there a reason you’re calling me instead of the ambulance?”

“Oh, I’m fine. I think I have a bruise on one of my legs, if that counts. But I was riding your bike when it happened, so the bike got totaled, so, you know. They’ve got the same model you had, but there’s tons of new colors, if you want pictures.”

Goro takes a very long, very deep breath. Goro is very, extremely calm. “Anything is fine,” he says. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, hundred percent. I even landed on my feet; you should’ve seen it.”

“You should go to the ER anyway,” says Goro, in a voice that is truly the epitome of calm.

“I mean, I guess I could, but that seems like a waste of time. And I don’t want to just leave your bike in the middle of the road.”

“Throw it away if it’s wrecked, then.”

“But it deserves a proper send-off.”

“You’re doing this to me on my birthday, Kurusu.”

“I’ll go to the ER if you go with me,” says Akira hopefully, who is a perennially bad influence who is of the opinion that Goro should have just said he’d be ‘working from home’ and spent the day with him.

Goro takes a look at his calendar, tallies up how many meeting he’d have to reschedule, and waits a whole five seconds before he lets himself say, “Fine,” because Akira just said that he’s fine and Goro isn’t upset and everything is so calm that Goro can wait five seconds before agreeing to leave work. “I’ll see you at Leblanc.”

“Wait, wait, which color for the bike? They’ve got green, blue, a red, a kind of fun rose-gold thing, which is a bit excessive considering it’s a bike, and teal, and a kind of blue and orange Naruto-y thing…”

“Anything is fine.” Goro stops. “Except the last one.”

“Red it is! See you in a bit.”

“Don’t ride that bike back to Leblanc,” says Goro, as if lightning might strike twice on the same day on the same man riding the same model bike of the same color, but Akira’s already hung up. Goro speed-drafts a rescheduling email, copy-pastes it to four different people, and then sprints out the office door without even a goodbye to his coworkers.

Friday, 11:16 AM

FUTABA: hey

FUTABA: hey goro

FUTABA: hey gorororororororororo

FUTABA: HEY MR AKECHI KURUSU

GORO: If it’s about the traffic accident, I heard about it.

GORO: I’m going back to Leblanc now.

FUTABA: no it’s smthg else

FUTABA: well it is about the accident but i got smthg else for u

FUTABA sent MOV19.mp4

FUTABA: ripped this from the traffic cam

GORO: Is this footage of the accident?

FUTABA: yeehaw

GORO: …Thank you for the offer, but I don’t know if I want to see this.

FUTABA: ok i hear u but i promise it’s hilarious

FUTABA: and also u might feel better if u see it

FUTABA: like idk what he told u on the phone but like

FUTABA: look the car even slowed down at the intersection

FUTABA: the dude was obeying traffic laws and everything he was doing something like ten under the speed limit

FUTABA: the car ENTIRELY missed akira

FUTABA: got the bike full on

FUTABA: and then he just rolls up across the hood and up the windshield like a looney toon

FUTABA: rip ur bike tho it just goes cronch

FUTABA: instant pretzel

FUTABA: ty bichael for ur sacrifice

FUTABA: also idk i figured you

FUTABA: might wanna see for urself that he’s okay

FUTABA: like u can see him stand up at the end and he’s not even confused or anything he’s super duper ok

FUTABA: he’s not bullshitting u over the phone and pretending he’s ok when he’s not ok

FUTABA: u know how he does lmao

GORO: …Huh.

GORO: He really did land on his feet for a whole second there, didn’t he?

FUTABA: yeah like a cat

FUTABA: it’s nuts tbh

FUTABA: and then he remembers he’s a human and falls on his ass LMAO

FUTABA: show it to morgana i want his professional kitty cat opinion on the matter

FUTABA: rate akira’s near death experience

FUTABA: also the driver was v nice and v apologetic and he gave akira his insurance

FUTABA: but i have his home address and work address and phone number and the name of his dog if you want it

GORO: Just the insurance will be fine.

FUTABA: kk

GORO: …And thanks for sending the video.

GORO: Even though I already knew he was fine.

FUTABA: you know those like

FUTABA: itty bitty teeny weeny micro dogs

FUTABA: that are like four and a half pounds

FUTABA: but they think they can take any mfer on the block out of sheer will alone

FUTABA: and theyve always got their eyeballs bulging out and they pick fights with 70 pound dogs

FUTABA: and they have only two emotions which are rage and anxiety and they shake constantly because theyre only four pounds and they have So Much Emotion and nowhere to put it so they vibrate at the speed of sound

GORO: Is this a metaphor about me.

FUTABA: it’s a metaphor about you

FUTABA: because i can hear your shaky angry anxious four pound vibrating all the way from the other side of tokyo

GORO: You are the smallest, angriest, most anxious person I know, who regularly picks fights with international hacking organizations and billion-dollar companies.

GORO: And I, somehow, am the angry shaky dog.

FUTABA: your husband got hit by a car on ur birthday

GORO: I know that.

GORO: I do not need to be reminded.

FUTABA: ah yeah

FUTABA: sorry

GORO: He’s fine.

GORO: He said he’s fine.

GORO: And from this footage, he’s more than fine.

FUTABA: he is super double extra fine with a side of fine

GORO: Unless this footage was in any way edited.

GORO: And unless he was faking his call, somehow.

GORO: In which case, I’m going to walk into Leblanc and find out that he was just pretending to be okay so he could hear my voice one last time and Leblanc will be swarming with police officers to break the news the newly bereaved.

GORO: But that’s not going to happen.

GORO: Because Akira is fine, and I’m perfectly fine.

FUTABA: im rly glad to hear my man

GORO: This footage isn’t edited, is it.

FUTABA: no

GORO: Are you very sure?

GORO: Videos are easily modified.

GORO: Would you even know if it was edited?

FUTABA: yes im a literal wizard of course i would know

FUTABA: where are u even getting this idea from

GORO: The entire series of events is unrealistic, isn’t it?

GORO: You said yourself that it was almost like something out of a cartoon.

GORO: The likelihood that someone gets hit by a car and comes out of it entirely no worse for wear is practically ridiculous.

FUTABA: i ripped that film straight from the cam it is entirely unedited

GORO: But how can you be sure? Did you see him in live camera?

FUTABA: i mean no but he texted me

GORO: What if that was his dying text.

FUTABA: i rly dont know if his dying text would have been the “i lived bitch” meme with the cat filter

FUTABA: he’s fine dude

FUTABA: that’s why i sent you the video

GORO: I KNOW he’s fine.

GORO: I’m asking if there’s any solid evidence.

FUTABA: THE VIDEO

GORO: I’m going to call him. Brb

FUTABA: so what he can tell you he’s fine AGAIN and you’ll be like

FUTABA: “oh but what if it was secretly a pod person who stole his body after he died tragically after calling me one last time to hear my voice”

FUTABA: he is FINE

FUTABA: like go ahead and call him if u want but

FUTABA: the only person who was gonna edit that footage was me

FUTABA: and if he were dead i would not be functioning enough to be doing any kinda photoshop like that

FUTABA: let alone LIE to you jesus christ!!!!!

FUTABA: god

FUTABA: i pronounce you King Shaky Dog

FUTABA: the tiniest and angriest and shakiest and most anxious four pound goblin

FUTABA: i will reclaim my title tomorrow

FUTABA: for now it’s my birthday gift to you

FUTABA: the title of Shaky Dog allows you to go absolutely apeshit and nobody will judge you

GORO: You know I hate birthday presents.

FUTABA: did you call akira

GORO: I hate birthday presents so much that I will be refusing my title as King Shaky Dog and will henceforth not be going ape shit.

FUTABA: ok so

FUTABA: i didnt mean to

FUTABA: get snippy with you or anything

GORO: It’s fine.

GORO: I wasn’t… exactly polite, myself.

GORO: So.

FUTABA: um

FUTABA: you really can call him if you want

FUTABA: there’s nothing wrong with that

FUTABA: between u and me……………………. i definitely did that more than once for a lot lesser reasons than someone getting hit by a car

GORO: My stop is in less than thirty seconds.

GORO: I will probably live.

FUTABA: lmao ok well

FUTABA: if u change ur mind about losing ur shit then please know i gave u that footage in the first place because i think if something like that happened to MY partner i would mcfreakin lose it

FUTABA: speaking of her

FUTABA: sumi says happy birth btw

FUTABA: but cuter because u know how she is

FUTABA: “happy birthday crow-senpai~~~~~~~~” in her shy voice that makes u wanna die

FUTABA: ofoogofhghhfoghfhhghfh g gh SUMI ur so cute ilysm

GORO: Tell her I said thanks.

GORO: And stop telling me how much you love her and use the ring you made me go ring shopping with you for.

FUTABA: HHHHH

FUTABA: im being cyberbullied for being a cowardly lesbian

GORO: I’m at my stop, by the way, so I’m going offline.

FUTABA: which tbh i probably deserve

FUTABA: oh kk see u

FUTABA: watch the video again mr shaky dog

FUTABA: akira is fine

FUTABA: everyone is alive

FUTABA: you are one year older

FUTABA: happy birthday goro

The bike is totaled.

Akira isn’t the sort of person to dump a piece of trash right in front of Leblanc, but it’s hard to miss sticking out of the nearby public trash bin. The back wheel has exploded into serrated wheel-spokes and limb rubber bits that Akira’s shoved into the trash as best as he could. The body of the bike is crushed in on itself, exposing its sharp hollow innards; the handlebars resemble a badly-tied knot. The front wheel is left to stick up and out, creaking gently, spinning overhead from half a hinge like a head not quite fully severed.

The cafe is empty except for its usual barista who, of course, is a very normal and mild-mannered barista, who has nothing to do with the several hundred millions worth of dollars of repatriated art hiding in the attic en route back to South Korea. That would be illegal, of course, and Akira Kurusu-Akechi has never once in his life done anything illegal in the name of what’s morally right. “Welcome back, dear,” says Akira, and hangs up a coffee mug to dry, and it’s so normal that Goro is convinced that either he’s experiencing yesterday, or maybe he’s re-experiencing the year 2016 all over again, or maybe Akira really is dead and this is just his ghost.

Goro sits in his usual spot at the bar. Same chair, sixteen years later. Unbelievable. Maybe Goro’s giving him a little bit of a dumbfounded look, because Akira tilts his head, leans across the bar, and pecks Goro on the cheek.

“Where’s Sakura?” Goro asks.

“Having his midday old man nap. So,” says Akira, looking pleased with himself, “either we can close Leblanc for an hour and raid the kitchen and make lunch, or we can close Leblanc and go out and have a fancy lunch. Your choice because I already made dinner reservations and we’re doing those no matter what.”

Goro really means to give him an answer, because Akira really does love Goro’s birthday every year and never fails to pick someplace nice for the day, but instead what comes out of his mouth is: “Did you ride the new bike back home?”

“Yeah, I did. Figured I might as well take it for a test drive. It’s a good bike.”

“Why didn’t you take the subway?” Goro says sharply.

“Didn’t have my card.”

“You just rode the bike all the way across Tokyo?”

“It wasn’t all the way across Tokyo, just a bit away and back… Goro?”

Ah, Goro’s going to become one of those people who has a meltdown any time their loved one gets on a plane or a train or ksomething else associated with heebie-jeebie nonsense magical thinking. Great. Fantastic. God dammit.

“Do you really want me to go to the ER?” Akira asks eventually.

Goro really wants Akira to have never gotten hit in the first place, but people don’t get what they want and sometimes the universe decides to send one bad fucking driver through a red light and take away Akira’s entire life in a split second—one mistake, a coincidence at the wrong place and time, and the boy who fought God and won is a smear of bones on the pavement.

This would be different if it were sixteen years ago, and Goro had the power to bend people’s minds in half until they broke, or dive into the deepest, bloodiest parts of the collective psyche and pummel the worst of them to a pulp—but what’s he going to do here? Lambast a guy who was going ten miles under the speed limit and just wasn’t looking the right way? Is he going to summon a new Persona from his soul and undo time itself?

Can he do anything if the universe decides, one day, that Akira’s time on this earth is up? He spent all those years desperate for power, and then abusing that power, and then desperately guilty for having abused that power, and then desperately trying to get up that power, and now here he is with the power to do jack shit when his husband almost gets run over and if the Metaverse were still around he swears he would have carved Loki from his own soul out of sheer fury alone—

“No,” says Goro sharply, and stands up. “It’s nothing. I’m not hungry, and I’m going for a walk. Please don’t text me unless it’s an emergency.”

“What—hey! Goro, wait, wait—”

“I’m getting some fresh air!”

Akira’s scrambling to get out from behind the bar. “Didn’t you just get here—?”

Goro spins around and points a finger at Akira like it’s his fault: “You were the one,” he snarls, “who promised, when we got married, that we’d always be together. And now you get hit on a bike, and then stand up like it’s nothing and—and get on another bike and go cycling around the exact same streets where you got hit—? Aren’t you scared? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Akira falls silent. “I didn’t go back to the same intersection,” he says at last.

Goro can’t take this. “I’m taking a walk.”

“Wait wait wait, Goro, just—” Akira grabs Goro’s hand and Goro has the sudden urge to yank his arm away, but Akira’s hand is also incredibly real, just like it felt this morning and yesterday and the day before that and all the days Goro ever took Akira’s living, breathing body for granted. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. He was going, I dunno, twenty miles per hour at most. It was an intersection. He’d slowed down beforehand and everything, and I didn’t even get hurt on the fall.”

Right, because Goro’s the one who’s just freaking out for no reason. Right. Okay. Because that’s how he is, isn’t he, always being dramatic over little things. Right. Of course. This is fine.

When Goro doesn’t turn around, Akira moves around to the front to look him in the eye. “Sorry if I made you worry,” says Akira. “But it was really nothing at all.”

“Maybe it was nothing this time,” says Goro forcefully. “But what about the next time—the next car—the next time you borrow my bike? What about tomorrow? Or the day after that? Literally any one of the hundreds and hundreds of days coming up where you could easily die just as easily as you died today.”

“Then I’ll escape death hundreds and hundreds of times,” says Akira.

Goro scoffs.

“I mean it. I was a Phantom Thief, wasn’t I? I escaped death more than once. Did it again today. I’ll do it as many times as it takes until we’re both old and grey.” Akira takes Goro’s hand, but it’s Goro who laces their fingers together.

“Sometimes it doesn’t work that way,” says Goro, like a bad echo of his ten-year-old self, trying to figure out what kind of world would let his mother die.

“I’m just keeping my promise,” says Akira. “I told you that I’d never leave you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Sometimes that’s not your decision to make.”

“It is and I’ve decided I’m immortal until you die.”

Goro scoffs. “Don’t be arrogant.”

“Is it being arrogant? I didn’t let death steal you away from me. I’m not letting it steal me away from you, either.”

“Sometimes…” Goro begins.

“'Sometimes’ what?”

'Sometimes’ what?

Sometimes things get worse. People die early, and unfulfilled; they streak through the sky in a blaze and then wink out, without even a burst of fire to show for it. Sometimes nobody gets a say in what happens, and plans don’t pan out, and wishes aren’t granted, and everything happens for no good reason and no good end.

Today, Goro Akechi-Kurusu is thirty-four years old, about sixteen years older than he ever figured he was going to be. He has a career in a non-profit for maladjusted youth getting reacclimated to school systems and preparing for college, instead of the career in law he figured he’d have if he actually lived that long. He doesn’t just have one friend, but multiple friends. He has, unbelievably, a husband, which honestly still floors him to this day, considering that he was and maybe still is convinced that marriage is a scam devised by asshole men like his father to manipulate young women into a false sense of security. The other day, Akira mentioned that he wanted to get a cat to keep Morgana company, maybe in a few years when they moved into a pet-friendly apartment, and in Goro’s head, it made sense that they would both be alive and together entire years in the future for them to get a cat.

Today is already an impossible day, isn’t it?

“Sometimes,” says Goro flatly, “you say ridiculous things, and I think that you could actually pull it off.”

Akira grins. Akira leans in for their regular greeting kiss when one of them comes home, but this time, Goro closes his eyes, leans into it, really tries to memorize the feel of Akira’s lips on his. Every line and scar on his hands, the odd ends of his fingernails, that familiar way he waits for four beats, then takes a breath through his nose and kisses Goro again, and never can quite seem to avoid kissing him more on the bottom lip than the top. “I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” he says plainly not three inches from Goro’s face. “It’s bad form to leave a calling card and never show up.”

Goro smiles. “Then I won’t let you break your word.”

When Akira pulls away, he kisses the back of Goro’s hand, like a proper gentleman thief of old. “Happy birthday, dear,” he says, and surprisingly, despite the way this awful day started off, Goro thinks that Akira might be able to pull that promise off, too.

#clouis-loumentine #mine #I TRIED RLY HARD TO WRITE YUKAMITSU but it wasnt happening im sry #please take this apology akeshu instead #also yall have no idea how much self control it took for me to write this oneshot instead of #'goro akechi goes bald at age 24 and akira reassures him he still loves him even tho he has shido's hair genes'#honestly i shouldve done that

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 6 years ago

Text

Prenatal

A sequel to Get Your Fix, Withdrawal, and Placebo

Special credit to @sherrybaby14 who requested the idea for the first part.

Warnings: non/dubcon sex, sex pollen, breeding kink, mentions of birth control, forced pregnancy..

This is dark!Steve Rogers and explicit. 18+ only.

Note: Okay, so the fourth part is finally done! Thanks to everyone who has waited patiently for this. I wasn’t planning on posting this today tbh. I hope you guys enjoy! Let me know what you think! <3

A couple days after the gut-wrenching revelation and you were still in disbelief. The news hadn’t even quelled Steve’s libido; if anything, he was even more persistent. You were in the lab as usual, glued to the table as your eyes scanned the floating screen before you. Swipe, swipe, type, go here. It was just as any other day. Other than the pit in your stomach...and the child.

As you finished up the last file of results, the com buzzed and Bruce hit ‘answer’. Tony’s voice came from the speaker. “Y/N? You there?” He asked and the other scientist went back to his work.

“Yeah,” You answered. There was a tone to his voice you didn’t like.

“Could you come to my office for a moment?” It was phrased like a question, but it wasn’t.

“Yep,” You gave a squeak and the speaker went dead. You were thankful that Bruce was as oblivious as ever. You stood and gulped. You just had a bad feeling about this.

Just outside Tony’s office, your stomach was starting to storm. Was it morning sickness or stress? Both, probably. You knocked and Tony called from the other side. You opened the door and your chest clutched. Steve was sat across from Tony, grinning as he watched you enter warily.

“Come, sit. Close the door.” The head of Stark Industries sounded every inch the stony boss.

You shut the door and took the seat next to Steve. You were already shaking as you waited for the levee to break. This was it. You were certain, even with the asshole at your side, that you were about to be fired. The two may have been buddies but it didn’t keep them from disagreeing. Tony sighed and took a paper from atop his desk and slid it over towards you.

“Read that.” He advised dully, “And sign when you finish.”

“What is it?” You edged forward on the chair.

“A safeguard,” Tony explained, “To cover my ass because the two of you can’t cover your own.” He shook his head at Steve, “I get it. what with me and Pepper it seems hypocritical, but this is still a business. I can’t have your personal relations getting in the way of it.”

“I’m not...fired?” You asked softly.

“No, no, I wouldn’t, no not at all,” He almost laughed at you, “You’re a good worker. I’ve never had a lab tech who didn’t threaten to bring out the green guy in Bruce. I like you.” He dropped a pen on top of the form, “And I’m happy for the two of you. Especially this guy,” He pointed to Steve, “About time he got a life.”

You cleared your throat and reached for the form. You sat back and began to read over the font. You could feel Steve staring at you.

“It’s really just a formality,” Tony comforted.

Steve reached across the gap between your seats and touched your hand, “I told you it’d all be fine,” He said sweetly, “Come on, honey, and sign. Let’s make it official.”

You looked up to him and wiped the scowl from your face before Tony could notice. You nodded and brought the pen up shaking to the line. Another was beside it; already signed, Steve Rogers. You scribbled across it and placed it back on the desk as you stood.

“Thank you,” You said to Tony, “Really. I love this job and I just couldn’t imagine losing it.”

“What about him?” Tony raised a brow, “Go on, you two. Enjoy the honeymoon while it lasts.”

With your dismissal, you stood. Steve was all too eager to act the gentleman as he took your hand and led you to the door. He only released you to open it and you shot him a dark look as you entered the hallway. He closed the door as he joined you and once more was holding your hand. You reluctantly walked along with him as he set off down the hall.

“So, have you made an appointment yet?” He asked sweetly.

“No,” You grumbled, “Would you stop?”

“What?” He turned to you as you stopped and tugged him back until he let go of your hand.

“Acting like this is normal,” You crossed your arms, “What you’re doing is...is...wrong. You’re sick!”

He suddenly darkened. The whole room seemed to shift as his eyes dilated and his chin squared. He scratched his beard with a snarl as he glared down at you. Slowly he bent to look you in the eye. “You’ve got to realize that this isn’t about you anymore.” He placed his hand flat on your stomach yet it felt like a lead weight, “So you will do as I say. For the sake of the baby.”

You narrowed your eyes as your lip curled. “Fuck the baby.”

He exhaled deeply and leaned back to glance over your shoulder. The hall was empty. He smirked. “Now you listen to me,” His hand shot up to your chin and latched on roughly. His face was barely an inch from yours as he loomed over you, “You do anything stupid and I’ll just put another one in you. There is nothing you can do. No escape.” Your jaw hurt and you touched his hand as you whimpered, “Your mine. More importantly, that’s mine.” He nodded to your stomach, “And no one is going to hurt my child. Including you.”

He let go and straightened up, his chest rising and falling as he stretched his arms. He casually took another look along the hallway, turned and slung his arm over your shoulders. “Fuck, you got me all worked up,” He said in a low voice as he led you along, “Why don’t you take an early lunch and meet me in the training room? Team’s out for the day.”

“I’ve got a lot of work to you,” You mumbled weakly.

“That wasn’t a question,” You turned the corner and he stopped you before the lab. “You’ve got me all riled up and you’re going to finish what you started.” He kissed the top of your head as if he wasn’t speaking in sinister tones, “And then when we’re done, you’re going to call your doctor like a good mommy.”

A couple days later, you were due for your first appointment. Calling itself had been a chore. Steve sat beside you, your phone on speaker, and you begrudgingly asked for the receptionist to schedule a time. He keyed in the time and day in his phone and you held in a sigh. You hated the light in his stupid eyes; how bright and blue they grew whenever he spoke of your pregnancy. The way he reached over to touch your stomach. You had told him to stop doing it where people could see.

You were getting ready to leave the lab; a long lunch to be atoned for by staying late. It was convenient really; an excuse to avoid Steve. As you said goodbye to Bruce, you hooked your handbag over your shoulder and headed for the door. It slid open before you could even press the button and Steve stood in the doorway. Your eyes widened and you quickly stepped out and closed the door behind you.

“What are you doing here?” You hissed.

“Taking you to your appointment,” He said as if you were dumb, “No baby of mine is going to take the subway.”

“I take the subway everyday,” You scoffed.

“Well, not to their first appointment,” He returned, “So, do you think it’s a boy or a girl?” He waved you down the hall and you reluctantly went along. You knew you wouldn’t be able to get rid of him. “I kinda want a girl.”

“I don’t know,” You shrugged and preceded him into the elevator. “I haven’t really thought of it.”

“There’s a lot to think about,” He hit the button for the parking garage, “Vitamins, tests, eating habits. We want a healthy baby. Not to mention we’ll need to find a place for us...all three of us.” He touched your stomach and you resisted the urge to shove him away.

“I’m just fine in my apartment,” You grumbled.

“Well, I’m not living there and my place isn’t big enough for the baby.” He raised a brow dangerously, “It’s gonna need stability.”

“God, you sound like my mother,” You snapped and pulled away from him.

“Speaking of, I should meet my future family-in-law,” He ignored your anger and smirked. “I think maybe we should invite them to town for your birthday and tell them the good news. I think you’ll be showing by then anyway.”

“My birthday? That’s not for--”

“Another month and a half,” He interjected smugly.

“You’re not meeting my family,” You snarled.

“I’m going to have to eventually.” He stretched his arm over your shoulders as the elevator doors opened, “I mean, you can’t hide this from them forever...and you’ve already met my family. We’ll have to figure out how to tell the team.”

You cringed and let him guide you through the parking garage. Before you had been anxious about the single appointment but now you were in existential dread for your life.

The doctor said that you were about a month and a half along. You had fought for most of the appointment not to hang your head. Steve sat holding your hand through the ultrasound and the following consultation. He eagerly accepted all the pamphlets offered by the doctor and scheduled the second appointment himself. You could’ve smacked him.

Why did it have to be you? Why couldn’t he have found another poor soul? Even a willing one?

“I gotta go back to the office,” You said as you climbed into the car.

“Stay late tomorrow,” Steve insisted as he pulled closed his door.

“I can’t, I told him--”

“Call and tell him you’ll be back tomorrow,” He interrupted as he turned the engine. “You’re gonna be busy.”

“Do you ever stop?” You muttered.

“You make it difficult to,” He slithered, “Honestly, that whole appointment I was rock hard. Still am. I just...” He began to drive, his lip running over his lips, “I can’t believe you’re having my baby.”

Neither can I, you thought. “Please just take me to work.”

“Call Bruce or I’ll do it myself.” He stopped at a light and glared over at you, “God,” He reached down and rubbed his crotch. “I can’t wait to fuck you all day.”

You huffed and took out your phone and dialed the lab. Bruce answered and you fed him some spiel about still dealing with a stomach bug. When you hung up, you stewed for the rest of the ride in silence. Steve’s hand crawled up your thigh as he pulled into his parking lot and you bit down on your irritation.

You climbed out of the car and followed him reluctantly. He turned back as he opened the door to his building and reached to grab your hand. He shoved you ahead of him inside and followed, a smack on your ass to keep you walking.

It was like any other time. The moment you stepped through the door he was on you. He tore your purse away and tossed it carelessly to the floor. His hands were all over tour body; neck, chest, stomach, ass. His fingers worked lithely at unbuttoning your fly and he pushed down the zipper. Your feet moved clumsily as he pressed himself to you, his weight leading you across the room.

He slipped two fingers beneath your panties, your jeans tight against his hand. His crotch was flush to your ass and he ground his hips into you as he nuzzled your neck. You struggled to keep your balance as he moved your body with his. You legs pressed to the side of the couch as his fingers snaked lower. He slid them over your clit and between your folds. You closed your eyes as he dipped into the wetness gathering at your entrance.

“I’ll be gentle,” He purred in your ear, “For the baby.”

You cringed as his fingers played with you. You couldn’t help your body’s reaction. You shivered as he spread your slickness; focusing on your bud as he growled into your skin. His lips brushed your throat and you tried not to moan. Despite everything he had done, the hell he had dragged you into, you couldn’t deny the potency of his touch.

His other hand grabbed the waist of your jeans, tugging them down one side at a time until the denim was past your ass. His fingers kept up their dance on your clit and you hissed at the electricity which shot through you. You heard his zipper and felt the smooth head of his cock as it pressed against your lower back. He stroked himself slowly, his knuckles rough against your back as they moved.

He groaned as he slid his cock along your ass, stopping just beneath to tickle your entrance. You bent slightly, bracing the arm of the couch as he leaned against you. The head of his cock stretched you as he pushed inside. You shuddered as your nails dug into the vinyl. You hung your head and his fingers added to the sensation of him against your walls. He bottomed out with a sigh; the fly of his jeans sharp along your flesh.

“I can’t wait, you know?” His voice was deep, airy, “To see you swell. Can’t wait to fuck you just like this. Or maybe you can be on top. Your stomach round; so big.”

His free hand went to your belly as his other flicked your clit in circles. He moved in and out of you slowly. Your thighs shook, legs held snug around around him by your jeans. Your breath picked up as the ripples began in your thighs, crawled up your spine, and your walls pulsed around him. Your orgasm piqued so unexpectedly you yelped. You smothered it to a snarl between gritted teeth as he kept his pace easy; steady.

“That’s it,” His breath was hot as it washed over your hair. “Are you cumming for me, baby?” He chuckled, “You are, you dirty girl.”

“Sh-sh-sh…” You were trying to tell him to shut up but it just came out as dusky breaths.

He sped up and you were forced to bend further over the couch. His hand glided over your hips and to your ass as he stood straight. He spread your cheeks as he watched himself fuck you, the sight roused him further. He moaned and his thrusts came faster, deeper. He slammed his pelvis into your ass, his hands on your hips as he held you in place. Your legs trembled as the rough denim of his jeans chafed your ass.

“You want me to cum in you, mommy,” You blanched at the nickname but were too incensed to think straight. You were slung halfway over the arm as he fucked you relentlessly. “Tell me you want my cum.”

You grunted and pushed your head up. “I--” You squeaked between words. “I….I-I-I want your cum.” Your orgasm stunted your words and you grasped at the cushion desperately. The murmurs tumbled from your senseless lips.

“Ah, shit, shit, shit,” He bent over you and pushed your head down into the couch. Your hips ground painfully against the arm beneath his weight. Your entire body went limp and he continued to pound into you. “Ahhhhhhhh.”

His voice quavered as you felt him explode within you but he didn’t stop. He kept thrusting even as he softened. It wasn’t long before he was hard again and his hands were around your neck, pulling you back so that your back was arched painfully. With your pelvis still pressed to the couch, he rutted against you, your feet barely on the floor.

You could feel his cum leaking out around his cock and down your thighs. More spilled forth from him with a series of carnal grunts as he choked the breath from you. You were gasping as he let go of your neck at last and you fell over the couch once more. This time he pulled out and you felt the gush.

He caught you as you began to slip and dragged you on to the cushions. He undressed you roughly and without words; his pants eager; predatory. You let him as your heart raced and the heat tingled along your flesh. You sat up as he guided you against the back of the sofa, your legs splayed open before him. He stripped himself just as methodically, the front of his jeans covered in a mixture of cum.

He got on the couch, his knees beneath your thighs as he pressed you to the back of it. He slipped inside of your easily; your body trapped between his and the vinyl. “I’m going to fill you up,” He hummed and ran his fingers through the cum smeared along your thighs, “Until your covered in me.”

Bruce wasn’t too happy when you got back to the lab. He was impatient that you had missed yet another day and you couldn’t blame him. You sat across from him and caught up on his reports as he silently went about his work. You were even more annoyed that Steve was starting to get in the way of your work. Even now, you were tired out from hours of fucking. You hadn’t expected him to go so long but his stamina was as superhuman as the rest of him.

It was early afternoon. The lab door opened and Bruce’s dark mood didn’t crack as he looked up at your unexpected visitor. These days though, Steve was rarely unexpected. He lorded over you like a persistent wraith. You looked over your shoulder as he neared, tray in hand. You would’ve rolled your eyes if you had the energy. As it was, you could barely process the endless font in the folder before you.

He placed the coffee in front of Bruce who pushed away enough of his sourness to smile and thank him. Then a bright pink smoothie was before you. You squinted at him and he grinned back in a dare; go on and say something. You set down the folder and did your best to seem unbothered. “Thank you.”

“No problem, babe,” He bent and pecked your forehead. “Thought you could use it. And I got you a few other things.”

Bruce shook his head and focused on his current project. You stood and swept the smoothie of the table smoothly as you nudged Steve towards the door.

“Thank you but I do have a lot to catch up on.” You turned back and called to the grumpy scientist, “One moment, okay?” You urged Steve into the hall and the door whooshed shut behind you. “Seriously, you’re going to get me fired.”

“They’re not going to fire you.” He laughed, “Trust me. Tony’s been telling me to get a life and I don’t think he’ll complain now that I have.”

“Got a life?” You hissed, “Okay, if that’s what you call it.”

“You weren’t complaining last night,” He remarked, “In fact, you seemed to be enjoying yourself.”

You inhaled and glanced around the hallway. “Right, what is it?”

“Hmm?” He raised his brows with a smirk.

“What did you bring me besides the smoothie? Which I won’t be drinking, thank you,” You said bitterly.

“Oh, don’t worry. It’s good for the baby. Besides, I’ve found you need little enhancement when it come to your libido,” He winked.

“Steve,” You warned, hands on your hips.

“Just a little something for you and the baby,” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small paper bag that rattled, “Prenatal supplements.”

“Jesus Christ,” You snatched the pills as he held them out. “You were going to give me these in front of Bruce? Can’t you be a little subtle? ”

“They’ll figure it out eventually,” He shrugged, “Which is also why I stopped by. When should we tell them?”

“Never, preferably.” You retorted sharply. “But I suppose that’s not an option… I always thought you were supposed to wait until three months or whatever.”

“That’s not that long,” He said excitedly, “We could maybe invite everyone to dinner...or maybe at one of Tony’s parties?”

“Or just tell them privately, separately,” You muttered, “This really doesn’t need to be a spectacle.”

“Have you called your parents?” He asked suddenly. “We should arrange your birthday get together so we can tell them as we planned.”

“Okay, slow down, please,” Your chest was starting to tighten, “This is all a little too fast.”

“I know,” He preened as he pulled your hands from your hips, “I can’t wait for you to be the mother of my children.”

“Children?!” It was half a whine. “I don’t think so. This is the only one.” He laughed.

“You’re not getting this, are you?” His hands squeezed yours and he leaned down to look you directly in the face, “The life growing inside of you is mine and so are you.”

The shadow in his eyes made you flinch. You felt the walls closing in like his grip on your hands. You bit down on your cheeks as you swallowed back your fear and he tilted his head.

“So, are you going to call your parents or shall I?”

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