#but one of the decisions they do make on their own that you can't go against is that they like her from start to finish so yeah

[roosterforme]

Aim for the Sky Part 33 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley can't wait to learn if Rose is going to have a younger brother or sister. Planning for the baby means planning for the future, but Bradley can feel that you're unhappy. With help from friends, he finally figures out why.

Warnings: Angst, adult language, body image, DILF Roo, pregnancy, jealousy, vomiting

Length: 3500 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

Aim for the Sky masterlist. This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order.

You'd been quiet for days, chalking it up to exhaustion from work, but Bradley was a little concerned. He was missing out on a lot of cooking and cleaning at home, as well as responsibilities with Rose. Most days, he was collapsing in bed right after you, body tired and brain overworked. But he was close to advancing a few of his pilots to the next stage in their careers, and he didn't want to let up just yet.

Truthfully, he was enjoying many aspects of his day-to-day at work. He loved making decisions that would benefit his group. When he had a compelling answer for his superior officers, it made him feel so good about himself. He didn't even mind putting in the extra hours. But it was clear that Indigo wanted to be his class pet, and he wasn't quite sure what to do about that.

She was weighing on his mind a lot, most likely because she was constantly invading his office hours. He wanted to tell her she didn't have to try so hard to be the best aviator in the bunch when she just simply was the best one. But that would be feeding her ego, which probably wasn't the smartest option right now.

"Are you ready?"

Bradley looked up from his desk to see you standing there, and he jumped to his feet. "Of course I'm ready," replied with a smile, pushing all of his paperwork to the side and logging out of his computer. "Been looking forward to this."

You smiled softly, hand resting on the slight swell of your belly as you shifted your weight from one booted foot to the other. "Me too," you whispered, and Bradley grabbed his keys, wallet and phone from his desk drawer. He reached for your hand, lacing his fingers between yours and headed out into the sunny October afternoon.

"Time for our final guesses," you said. "Do you think it's a boy or another girl?"

Bradley looked down at your face, the perfect curve of your cheek catching the sunlight. You were beautiful. Every bit as stunning as the day he first laid eyes on you in one of the classrooms he passed on a regular basis. "Sweetheart, if there's anything good or just in this world, it better be another girl. Then I'd have three of you to look at."

"Rose looks like you, Bradley!" you insisted immediately, breaking out in the biggest smile he'd seen on your face in weeks. 

"Rose looks like you. Everyone thinks so. She's adorable." He pulled you to a stop and leaned down to kiss your cheek. "And her face already has this exact curve that I'm fucking obsessed with." 

Bradley let his lips linger, loving the way your cheek warmed as you stepped all the way into his embrace. You seemed on the verge of telling him something or asking a question, your posture never quite relaxing. He'd noticed that recently. Like you couldn't let yourself completely go with him like you always did. He wanted to ask you what was going on, but he was more than willing to wait until you were ready to say something on your own.

"We'll be late if we don't get a move on," you whispered. Bradley responded by kissing along your cheek to your lips. "I'm serious, Roo," you mumbled.

"Let's go," he sighed. "Dr. Morris already thinks I'm an idiot. I better not add tardiness to her list of complaints about me."

A short drive later, and the two of you were walking into the waiting room right on time. You barely sat down before a nurse was calling you back and handing you a hospital gown.

"It's weird without Rose here," you said as you got undressed. Bradley held out the gown for you to slip into, shaking his head.

"Nah. This is just for us. She can hear all about it later after work."

He was just about to close the distance to stop you from tying the gown closed so he could get another look at you, but Dr. Morris strolled in.

"How are we all doing?" she asked, shooting Bradley a look on her way past. It wasn't like he was capable of knocking you up again, but she was looking at him like he might have.

"Fantastic," he replied at the same time you said, "Okay."

He shot you a look as you eased yourself up on the table. He wasn't sure what he could do to make you happier. A conversation was clearly necessary now, but he didn't even know how to initiate it. If finding out more about the second Nugget today wasn't enough to make you smile, he didn't know what was.

He dropped down into the chair at your side, wrapping his big hand around yours as Dr. Morris spread that warm gel across your belly and asked you an array of questions. He listened to your answers as his heart beat a little faster. He was excited about this. Soon you could talk about baby names and nursery themes. He couldn't wait to meet his second child in the spring. 

Bradley kissed your fingertips, watching intently as your doctor isolated some ultrasound images. Then she asked, "Do you want to find out the sex?"

"Fuck yes," Bradley gasped, scooting his chair a little closer. "I mean, please."

You and Dr. Morris were both wearing smirks as he squeezed your hand. He was so excited, it was hard to swallow. He didn't care if it was a boy or a girl. He felt the same way last time around, too. He just wanted a healthy kid he could dote on.

"It's a girl."

He was up out of his seat, sending the thing screeching across the floor as he hooted. Okay, so maybe he did have a bit of a preference for another daughter, but he would have been happy either way.

"Another girl!" he shouted while you smiled up at him. "Just me and my three beautiful girls."

Bradley let his lips collide with yours, kissing you until he got his fill. Dr. Morris and the rest of the ultrasound and everything else could just wait a few minutes while he soaked in this pure perfection.

----------------------------

Bradley had been inundating your text thread for days with links to various nursery themes, but meanwhile you and he hadn't even decided which room would be your second daughter's.

"A second daughter," you whispered at your desk. Your parents were excited; you got to watch your mom and dad cry over FaceTime. Rose was too young to care, but one day she might have an opinion about her sister. You, on the other hand, felt like a mixed bag of emotions.

You wanted to be happy. You really did. But it was too hard. Somehow letting your sadness ebb and flow was easier. Especially whenever you ventured too far away from your lab or your office. Indigo was always around. It was like she knew were to find you. And perhaps she did. Your name was in the directories around base. But it felt like she was mocking you. She obviously wanted your husband, and he was either oblivious or hiding something.

When you managed to let your intrusive thoughts win out, you checked his phone only to find pretty much nothing untoward. Other than ruining the surprise of what was probably supposed to be an anniversary gift, all you found was one unanswered message Indigo sent to him a while ago. It bordered on flirtatious, and you were a little concerned that he gave her his phone number, but there was really nothing there.

But she was in your face on base enough that you kept to your office as much as you could. Of course, today was the day you were absolutely starving, and you left your lunch at home. You could pop down to the cafeteria, grab a sandwich to appease yourself and the baby, and then bring it back up here to eat it. Should be a piece of cake.

Hot turkey sandwiches were on the menu, and you almost cried tears of joy as you had one packed up in a container with extra gravy and a side of mashed potatoes. It smelled so good, you couldn't wait to take a bite. 

When you were waiting for the elevator, you froze with your lunch in your hands. You could see Indigo and Spice heading out of the cafeteria, and there was hardly anyone in the lobby for you to try to hide behind. You felt absolutely ridiculous as you stood there eavesdropping.

"What kind of progress have you made?" Spice asked, voice carrying over the sound of conversation around you.

Indigo smiled and laughed, showing off her perfect teeth. "Well, I can't give you details here, but... it's no wonder he's willing to spend so much time with me after hours. Anyone with eyes can see his wife let herself go this time around." Your cheeks burned as she added, "He's more than happy to help me with absolutely anything I need."

You sucked in a deep breath, certain she was talking about Bradley. And you. When the elevator arrived you ducked inside, jamming your finger against the button for your floor. As the doors slid shut, Indigo's gaze connected with yours, and she stood there proudly with her friend like she'd actually managed to steal Bradley from you.

A sob escaped your lips, and you tripped along to your office door. You really did look awful. Your skin was broken out, and you were going to need to start wearing the maternity tent well before your third trimester. Your belly was already tender, and then the baby decided this was the perfect moment to kick hard enough you thought you were going to wet your khakis.

"She's right," you whispered, tossing your lunch onto your desk and running for the bathroom. One glance in the mirror as you ran for an empty stall left you sobbing in the ladies' room. You looked awful. It was no wonder Bradley was paying extra attention to her. The fear that looking at Indigo had already turned into touching her was eating away at you. When you flushed the toilet, you turned and gagged before emptying the meager contents of your stomach into the bowl.

When you finally made it back to your office, your stomach couldn't handle a single bite of food. You dumped it in the trash.

-----------------------------

Bradley was just wrapping up a meeting with Maverick when Indigo cornered him outside his office. "Can I help you with something?" he asked, trying to keep the amusement from his voice. She was getting to be relentless.

As she shook her head slowly, she laughed. "I already told you, Sir, I can think of countless things you could help me with."

"Well why don't you run some of them past me?"

Her eyes widened as she licked her lips. "We could do that at the Hard Deck? I could still buy you that drink?"

Bradley sighed, hands planted on his hips which somehow drew her in closer. "I can't let any of you buy me drinks. Sorry, but that's not going to happen." He nodded toward his door. "But I have about fifteen minutes if there's something I can help you with."

She nodded. "Fifteen minutes would probably be more than enough, Sir."

Indigo stepped inside his office, glancing back at him over her shoulder, but Bradley saw another familiar face turn the corner in the hallway.

"Hey, there, hot shot," said Natasha, making Bradley smile. "You have a minute?"

"Actually, no," he replied, watching as his best friend looked inside to see who was waiting for him. She made a face, gaze snapping back to his. "Can it wait until later?"

Nat pressed her lips together like she was fighting off a scowl. "I wanted to see if you were free to workout with me later," she whispered. "I could stop by after dinner, and we could do some reps in your garage?"

"Absolutely," he replied. "See you around seven?"

"Yeah." 

She took one more look at Indigo before marching back the way she came, leaving Bradley with nothing to do but take a seat behind his desk.

"Do you want me to close the door?" Indigo asked, voice laced with hope as she half stood.

"Leave it," Bradley replied, once again showing no hint of favoritism. "Now, what did you want to talk about?"

----------------------------

After dinner, you excused yourself to Rose's nursery to feed her and make a phone call to your parents. Bradley kissed you on the forehead before doubling back to the bedroom to change into gym clothes. When he let you know Nat was coming over to workout in the garage, you seemed almost relieved.

He started setting up his weights and bench press when he heard the sound of a familiar engine pull up to the house. A minute later, Nat was strolling in wearing bright pink spandex with a matching gym bag. 

"I could spot you a mile away," he told her, and she chucked her bag at his chest. They both laughed when he caught it.

"You know what I can see a mile away?" she asked.

"What?"

"The word dumbass written across your forehead."

He rolled his eyes, dropping her bag onto one of the mats. Then he froze as he heard another engine pull up to a stop at his driveway. This one made him glare at Nat.

"Why is he here?" Bradley asked, and a split second later, Jake came strolling in like he owned the place. 

Nat and Jake shared a look as Jake tossed his gym bag next to hers. "I thought I might need some backup."

Now Bradley was annoyed and also confused. "Backup? For what?"

Natasha closed the distance to him, patting Bradley on the chest with a firm hand. Her dark eyes conveyed concern as she asked, "Are you fucking stupid? Or are you doing it on purpose?"

"Huh?"

"I love you, Bradley. I really do. But I still have to follow girl code."

"Nat, I have no fucking clue what you're talking about."

The clanging of Jake adding weights to the bar made Bradley want to scream as Nat shook her head in pity.

"She wants in your pants," Jake drawled.

"Who?" Bradley asked, still unsure what they were even talking about.

"Your student with the crazy blue eyes!" Nat said, smacking him hard on the chest.

"Indigo?" Bradley asked, taking a step away from her. Both Nat and Jake were nodding as Bradley's brow creased. "She's like twenty-six years old."

"So?" Nat asked, hands planted on her hips.

"So, she's not trying to get in my pants. I'm married. Everyone knows I'm married."

Bradley held up his left hand, complete with wedding band. He rarely ever took it off, especially since it got him into hot water with you when he was deployed. But as he watched the band shine under the fluorescent lights, his lips parted wordlessly, and he stood there while both Nat and Jake scrutinized him.

If Indigo had been flirting with him this whole time, he'd written her off as an overzealous young pilot trying to prove herself. Now every interaction replayed through his mind, and he rubbed his palm over his eyes as he groaned. There was no way this was happening to him. He'd been alone with her on several occasions in his office. The door always remained open, but she'd pushed for him to close it.

Bradley's cheeks burned with mortification, and he wasn't sure he could even look Nat in the face. If Indigo really was trying to get in his pants, then he was a joke. He was an absolute joke, and none of the younger pilots took him seriously in his new role. That thought made him sick, but not as sick as the idea that maybe you'd noticed something as well.

Bradley swallowed hard. "Oh, fuck." When he swallowed again, he wanted to scream.

"Okay, there's my answer," Nat whispered, wrapping her fingers gently around his wrist and pulling his hand away from his face. She pressed herself up onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Thank god you're just stupid. It would be so much worse if you were messing around with her intentionally."

"I'm not," he barked, angry at the insinuation. "I wouldn't. I've never even touched her!"

Nat's hands were on his chest, coaxing him to calm down, but he was too worked up. "Easy, Soul Sister," she said, but he was shaking his head now.

"I'm fucking married, Nat! I made wedding vows. I have a daughter, and my wife is pregnant with another girl. What the fuck would I cheat for? What's going to be better than this?"

Bradley's chest was heaving with ragged breaths as she guided him to sit on his bench. He landed hard, jostling the weights as he looked up at two sympathetic faces.

"Nothing's gonna be better than Angel," Jake drawled. "I'm still not sure if it was dumb luck or divine intervention, but she's way out of your league, Bradshaw."

"I know," Bradley snarled. "You think I don't know that? She's fucking perfect." He tilted his head back, blinking up at the lights. "Do you think she knows Indigo was trying to flirt with me?"

"Absolutely," Nat replied, and Bradley forced himself to meet her eyes.

"Yes, asshole," Jake added. "She's not stupid like you are."

"Fuck." Bradley stood and started pacing around. He felt like his job and marriage were suddenly on the line. He didn't know what to say to you that wouldn't potentially make things worse right now. If he could think of something reasonable, he'd run across the yard and back inside the house and say it to your face.

Maybe this was part of the reason you'd been so quiet? But it didn't make sense. He never talked about Indigo outside of the context of work, because there was simply nothing else to say. But after that night at the bar, you were really fucking mad at him. He thought you were mad that he got drunk, but maybe there was more to it.

"God damn it," he groaned, realizing Nat was lifting weights while Jake spotted her. "Do you think I should talk to Mav tomorrow?"

"Yes," they both replied in unison. The fact that they agreed on something was scary enough, but that let Bradley know just how fucked he was.

But he would take care of everything. He'd talk to Mav and figure it all out. What other choice did he have? 

"I'm heading inside," he murmured. "Can the two of you turn off the lights and lock up when you're done."

Bradley didn't wait for an answer. He was already walking across the backyard, craving your reassuring touch that he wasn't quite sure he deserved. When his phone vibrated in the pocket of his shorts, he pulled it out. He was met with another text from Indigo, but this time there was a photo as well. She was on the beach at sunset, the orange and pink sky somehow making her eyes look even more startlingly blue, and she was smiling at the camera. When his eyes slid down the screen to her cleavage, he almost dropped his phone. But not before he read the text.

This beach is so beautiful. Wish you were here.

Bradley couldn't decide what to do. Turn around and go back to the garage? Go inside the house? Sit down on Rose's jungle gym and cry? Smash his phone to bits? When another text appeared, he looked at it immediately.

Oops, I sent that to the wrong person. Have a good night, Sir.

Bradley squeezed his phone in his hand until he was afraid it might break. Then he opened a different text thread and pounded out a message, hitting send immediately. 

Mav, I need to talk to you about something important first thing in the morning.

When Bradley noticed movement, he looked up at the sliding glass door. You were carrying Rose around the living room, bouncing her in your arms as you yawned. Getting the Nugget ready for bed was supposed to be his job. He loved it. The bedtime stories and the snuggles were the best part. He needed to have this.

Finally he walked inside, sliding the door closed quietly behind him, trying not to panic. Rose was nearly asleep, but you let him take her into his arms. Bradley kissed her all over her sweet face before forfeiting her to her crib, then he climbed in bed with you. When he reached for your hand, you curled up against him, and he let his hand rest along your belly.

"I love you, Sweetheart," he whispered, heart aching. "I love my three girls."

-----------------------------

Start getting your shit together, Bradley. Indigo has shown she's relentless. Also, I thought I was solid on the baby's name, but I might put it to a vote. Stay tuned. Thanks @beyondthesefourwalls

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[that-hazbin]

Sorta AU/story idea where Alastor's a serial killer but he doesn't... completely realize that he's a serial killer.

He's super mentally Not Okay with a whole load of traumatic baggage, and sometimes when he gets past a stress threshold, he sort of... blacks out. Not faint, exactly, but his body moves on autopilot while his consciousness is just. Not there.

The first time it happened, he was fourteen. His father had beaten him black and blue, and left him limp on the floor to go beat Alastor's mother. When Alastor came to the realization that his mother stopped moving, his vision went blurry.

When he regained consciousness, his father was on the floor, bleeding from the head, eyes glazed over. It looked like he fell and hit himself on the corner of the dining table. Alastor lost both his parents on the same day.

After that, Alastor started having "episodes" a bit more often. A majority of the time, he manages to get home, and when he wakes up, he's hiding under his bed or in his closet, confused as to how he even got home. He doesn't want to be admitted into an asylum, of course, so he keeps quiet about this.

Sometimes, though?

Sometimes, he'll wake up knee deep in water, staring into the dark of a bayou. Sometimes, he'll wake up half-submerged in his bath, red going down the drain, with no clue as to where he's injured. Sometimes, the person who was screaming at him before the episode hit just went... missing the next day.

Alastor keeps quiet.

Naturally, when Alastor dies, he goes to hell. He doesn't remember the crimes, but he did commit them regardless. Of course, when people ask him what he did to end up down there, he can't give a real answer. The truth of the matter is that he doesn't know. Sure, he has... suspicions. Theories. But he doesn't know.

Things happen. He has several black out episodes in Hell before they simply stop happening, because he's stressed all the time and he can't just block every single second of every day from memory. He learns how to consciously survive in hell. Makes a name for himself.

Things roughly stay truthful to canon from there.

Then, one day, Charlie has a brilliant idea for a hotel activity. Part of redemption means acknowledging what brought you to hell to begin with, and what you can do now to make up for those actions! They go around the room, talking about the sins they committed, and what they can do now to improve. Alastor fully intends to stay out of the activity, he's not working towards redemption after all, but... Of course, Lucifer has to taunt.

Lucifer: What, you're just gonna sit around judging us?

Charlie: Er, dad—

Alastor: Hilarious coming from you, your majesty, truly. In any case, your memory seems to be failing you, I'm not here for redemption. I have no reason to participate.

Lucifer: Uh huh, neither is the bartender or the maid, you think you can be exempt just because you're staff? I'm the King of Hell and you don't see me skipping out. And here I would've thought you would have taken the chance to brag about the fucked up shit you did up there.

Charlie: Hey, guys, I don't think—

Alastor: Husk and Nifty are grown adults who are perfectly capable of making their own decisions. I am also a grown adult, and my decisions don't need to reflect theirs.

Lucifer: Oh, I see, you're a coward then?

Alastor: Believe whatever you want to, it makes no difference to me.

Lucifer: Sure it doesn't. Why don't we make this a game, huh? I'll guess your sins, and you stop me when I get it right.

Charlie: Dad, Alastor—

Lucifer: Can't imagine you fucked before marriage or anything, I mean, you scream prude. Bet you died a virgin.

Alastor: Hah, I wouldn't know. Are you done with your childish taunts, or are you going to allow your daughter to continue?

Lucifer stops dead, both because of the reminder that he's interrupting Charlie's activity, and also because he's replaying Alastor sentence back in his head. And, as the father of lies himself, he realizes that Alastor... wasn't lying when he said he didn't know.

Charlie: Great, yes, thank you Alastor! So, anyways—

Lucifer: Wait.

Charlie: Dad!

Lucifer: Seriously, wait. Bellhop, what the fuck do you mean you wouldn't know?

Angel: ... Oh shit.

Alastor: ... Charlie, continue your activity.

Charlie: Uh.

Lucifer: Oh, FUCK YOU! No, what the fuck did you mean by that?! What, were you like, drugged or—

Angel: HEY LET'S TALK ABOUT MY DEEP DARK PAST AS A MEMBER OF A MAFIA FAMILY!

Charlie: YES THANK YOU ANGEL LET'S TALK ABOUT IT! I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU FOR VOLUNTEERING!

Alastor gets the fuck out of dodge, and Lucifer finally gets the hint that he definitely stepped on a landmine that he very much should have not touched. Unfortunately, Lucifer alongside everyone in the hotel are left with a misunderstanding regarding Alastor's history.

[theorphicangel]

jjk men reaction to reader not wanting to stay over for the night

a/n: inspo by this cute tiktok :(((

modern au, no curses au

includes: gojo, geto, toji, nanami, sukuna

Gojo Satoru

You suggested a game night at his place, a reward for both you and him after a particularly busy work week. Tonight was the first time in a while that the two of you had seen each other, which is why it was so special for you to sleep over.

At least that's what Satoru thought until you pranked him by telling him you might go back home.

'I might leave in a bit, baby.'

'What?' Satoru was currently setting up the television, connecting it to the two game controllers.

'I said I might leave in a bit, maybe after fifteen minutes'

Immediately his face falls with his facial expression mirroring a kicked puppy. 'You're leaving? Why? I thought you wanted to sleep over?'

'Maybe not tonight, I'm tired.'

'But you brought your things over?'

'I changed my mind, toru, m'sorry maybe next time.

'But you can sleep in my bed if you're tired.' His voice is soft, paused with the game controller in his hand. His eyes glance over you, warm and tired. It's evident through his eyes that he really wants you to stay.

'But you promised to stay over so we can finally build our house on minecraft.'

'Toruuuu-' your heart melts and suddenly you can't take it anymore. 'I was joking baby, I'm not going anywhere.'

His face lights up, 'you were kidding?!'

You nod as satoru strides towards you, disregarding the two controllers in his hands. Immediately he's on top of you, pushing you down on the couch so you can't escape even if you tried.

Satoru places multiple kisses across your cheek, one right after the other, almost suffocating you. 'Don't ever do that to me again else l'll never let you leave.' he mutters before placing another kiss.

You giggle at satoru relentlessly placing kisses on your neck, 'I wouldn't miss out on building our minecraft house for the world.'

Geto Suguru

The two of you were sat in the kitchen, Suguru standing at the cooker making dinner for the two of you. Finally, the two of you had a clear schedule for the rest of the week to spend time together and what better than to spend a night together?

Sitting at the kitchen island, a video on your social media feed had come up of a girl pranking her boyfriend. It was a cute video and sparked your own curiosity to how your own boyfriend would react.

'Hey sugu, I don't think I'll sleep over tonight if that's okay.'

Suguru snaps his head over to you in disbelief. 'Really? but you brought all your things over?'

'I changed my mind, I'm kinda tired tonight.'

'right.' he mumbles, turning his head back as he prepares your plate.

You could only see his back but you knew that he was dejected. he was disappointed of course but he would respect your decision if you wanted some alone time. not a minute later, he heads your way setting down a plate of your favourite dish in front of you.

He takes a seat next to you with his own plate.

'I'll drive you back if you want.'

you nod, taking a bite of the food. you judge his expression and the way the crease between his brow holds. 'are you upset?'

Suguru is currently looking down at his food, a fork scraping at his place like a child who refuses to eat.

a pause. suguru bites down on his lower lip. 'yes, I wanted you to sleep over tonight. we could watch a movie or do whatever you wanted, it's been months since I've seen you.'

'it's been a few days, sugu'

'same thing princess.'

you let out a sigh, not able to take the scene of seeing your lover become so depressed. 'i'm kidding babe, it was a prank.'

with a smirk, Suguru finally stops poking at his food and takes a bite without restraint. 'I knew it.'

'Liar.'

'I was trying to make you feel bad.' he states, dark bangs falling over his eyes.

'Guess it worked huh?'

'You can bet it did.'

Nanami Kento

a movie played on the television screen, as you and kento snuggled on the couch. a blanket draped over you, laying on his chest and all your favourite snacks out on the coffee table was all you ever wanted.

about midway through the movie you remember that there was a prank you wanted to play on your boyfriend.

'hey ken.'

he hummed, vibrations traveling through your body.

'hey, I might leave in a few.'

'leave for what?' kento looked over at you, sat beside him on the couch.

'to go home.'

'right now? I thought you wanted to stay the night?'

'I did but I'm pretty tired, I'd rather sleep in my own bed i think.'

'oh right...okay.' he mumbles, his eyes are on the screen. he's tempted to pause the movie entirely wondering if there's something that's made you upset.

'are you sad that I'm leaving?' you ask sensing his hesitation.

'no.' kento pauses looking for the right words as he swallows. 'Maybe a little' he admits, 'I wanted to spend time with you.'

'we are spending time right now though?'

'is it selfish to ask for a little more time with you?' he asks, his cheeks flushing pink slightly.

'oh right, I was kidding by the way, I'm not leaving.'

'you and your pranks will kill me will kill me one day, d'you know that?'

you grab a hand that's around your waist and place a kiss on his knuckle as a reward for putting up with you. 'I knowwww, sorry love.'

Toji Fushiguro

'I think I might head home now.' you announce, standing up from the couch after hours of watching shows with toji. empty beer cans and opened bags of popcorn were messily distributed on the coffee table in front of you.

Toji was laid beside you, on the verge of falling asleep as the credits begin to play at the end of an episode. the two of you were binge-watching a show that had come out recently, currently on the last but one episode.

'what was that doll?' he thinks he must have misheard you.

'I said I think I'm going to head home, I'm pretty tired.'

For extra effect you head towards his apartment door, slipping on your shoes and making the move to grab your jacket and keys.

Whether it was at the jingle of your keys or the meaning of your words finally beginning to kick in, Toji was suddenly up and off the couch catching up with you.

'what do you mean home.'

'my home.' you emphasise, putting on your coat. 'my apartment, the one twenty minutes from here.'

in a blink of an eye you felt your wrist enwrapped in his large hand with the other at your waist guiding you backwards until you hit a wall.

Toji leans in, trapping you between his large figure and his wall. as he speaks you notice the scent of beer leave his mouth. his tone is dark and husky yet his eyes glow with emotion at the thought of you leaving.

'Thought you wanted to spend the night with me hmmm? You were the one complaining about not seeing me enough and now it's too much?'

you stammer, your brain completely blank at the tone of his words.

'It's too late to go back by yourself anyways plus we haven't finished the show.' his voice is low, sending vibrations through your body.

'I thought you weren't watching, you fell asleep.'

'almost.'

Toji's hands slowly peel away your coat from your body, 'I can help you change your mind if you're still thinking of leaving.' he suggests and your face heats up at his seduction.

'I was joking, I'm staying. just making sure that you were really awake.' you meet his eyes, allowing them to melt into yours.

without a warning you're suddenly hoisted over his shoulder and toji marches you back to the couch.

'a joke?...right...'

'put me down!'

'funny that you thought I'd ever let you leave anyways.' Toji places you down on the couch and you let out a huff.

you look up at him, your eyes challenging. 'was that a threat?'

'it's a promise doll.'

Sukuna Ryomen

'I think i'm going to leave soon.'

Sukuna's head snaps towards you, his attention directed towards his phone now interrupted by your statement. the two of you were, at least in your words, cuddling in bed. an arm wrapped around you whilst the two of you scrolled on your phones.

'where the fuck are you going?'

'Home. Where d'you think?'

'Why?' Sukuna mutters, caught off guard by your words.

'because I'm tired.'

'sleep in my bed then, you're here for a reason.'

'I want to sleep in my bed.'

'what's the difference? my bed is bigger than yours.'

'I like my bed.'

a pause occurs, the two of you maintaining eye contact.

'so you're going to go allll the way back home because you like your bed.'

'yes kuna'

'what about your shit that you dragged here?'

you shrug 'I'll take it with me.'

'And how are you going to get back?'

'drive me.'

Sukuna lets out a loud laugh.

'Uber then.'

An even louder laugh escapes from his mouth. 'you're not leaving.'

'I am, what are you-'

your words are cut off as Sukuna lunges towards you, suddenly straddling over you. you couldn't move even if you tried.

'kuna! what are you doing?'

'you're not leaving, it's late.'

'but I-'

'and you're not leaving because you asked to stay over in the first place, you'll get what you wanted.'

'it was a prank!' you admit, suddenly giving up to sukuna's demeanor.

'good you're sleeping here anyways.' he deadpans.

'I was always planning-' 'no excuses.'

thank you for reading!!

reblogs and comments are always appreciated.

[supper-ansuta-broth]

Hey guys!

As of the most recent Akatsuki event, fans of Ensemble Stars! across the globe have begun voicing their anger with the distasteful, ignorant, and outright bigoted nature of the franchise's story as a whole (most prominently (but not exclusively) its racist structure, undertones, plot points, and rhetoric). I have always been of the opinion that Happy Elements K.K. as a company is not worthy of respect, and wholly do not care about fans' and users' input, feelings, concerns, and criticisms. Time and time again, H.E. have not only put their own bottom line first, but have made it their only concern.

Needless to say, I am not only disappointed but infuriated with this company. While I am an optimist who hopes to see the best come from any situation, this is not one of the cases where this would be a realistic outlook. Because of this, posts on here will likely be infrequent, as I don't want anyone to believe that even for a moment I think their decisions are excusable.

That being said, while I encourage everyone to do their part in reminding H.E. over and over how much harm they've caused and the colossal damage they've done to their IP, I must also remind everyone that most of a gacha's game's profits come from the small percentage of its highest paying players (i.e. "whales"), and that H.E. has a long history of not listening to its playerbase's concerns and criticisms, even going as far as to silence them and block them for speaking up. They do not care what you think. They care about money, first foremost and only. Be active and speak up, don't support their shitty business practices, but don't run yourselves into the ground in the process of doing so, because at the end of the day they will continue trucking along-- they are too big to fail.

I encourage everyone to direct their focus towards fan creators, and send them as much of your kindness and love as possible. Support the people who create things due to passion and love, not just for money. Enstars has been lacking passionate stories for a long time anyway, with only a handful every now and again. Everyone who creates anything, no matter their skill level, deserves compassion and support. And if you're someone who wants to create something but fears mediocrity, create it anyway. Every great artist was consistently mediocre until they grew enough in their skill to start producing some things they like.

Additionally, this is in no way the fault of the seiyuu, the employees of H.E. who are not in charge of making decisions for the story, or anyone else who isn't directly involved with the meat of what makes Enstars, Enstars. These people are not to blame. Direct your ire towards the writers, the executives, and anyone else who allows these decisions to pass.

That's all I have to say for now. If you have any questions, feel free to send me an ask. I can't guarantee I'll get around to everything in a timely manner, but I assure you I will answer anything I can. Thank you for reading.

[maypiles]

Next pac on self love or growth ?? 👀

Ooooh, now this is a vibe I’m all about 😌✨ Let’s see what Spirit has to say for your self-love and growth! I’ve got the perfect energy coming through to help guide you on this. 🧘‍♀️🌱 Stay tuned for some fiery truths and some soothing affirmations, because we’re going deep on this journey of self-love! 🔮💖

Pick a Pile: What Do You Need to Focus on for Your Self-love and Growth at This Time?🌱🌼💕

❗ This is a collective reading so take what resonates and leave what does not❗

Pile 1: "The Only One Who Needed Saving"♥️📿

Pile 1, your word is Illumination. This is about shedding light on your shadows, uncovering the truths you've been avoiding, and realizing that you can't keep running from the parts of yourself that need healing. Spirit is asking you to confront and illuminate the corners of your heart and mind that have been in darkness for too long. This is your time to face it, to rise, and to grow.

Hello, my loves. This is Pile 1 for my collective, or for whoever is meant to cross paths with this reading and resonate deeply with it. The question we're diving into today is: what does my collective need to know for Pile 1 to focus on their self-love and growth at this time?

And let me tell you, Spirit did not hold back.

The cards are the Moon, Page of Swords, Eight of Swords, Four of Swords Reversed, Seven of Swords, Strength, the Hanged Man, Ten of Cups, Knight of Pentacles, Seven of Cups, Nine of Pentacles Reversed, Knight of Cups, Justice Reversed, Death Reversed, Page of Pentacles, Eight of Swords Reversed, Two of Wands, Nine of Cups, Eight of Wands, the Hermit Reversed, Three of Cups Reversed, Two of Cups Reversed, Queen of Wands Reversed.

At the bottom: Judgment.

Split the deck: The World, the Fool Reversed, Ace of Wands, Ten of Swords.

And let’s not even get into how Rihanna's "Stay" kept playing in my head. That specific line: “I’m the only one who needed saving.” Baby, this pile is screaming at me with savior syndrome vibes. It feels like you’re trying so hard to rescue others, but here’s the catch—you’re the one who’s drowning.

Energy Check: The Tarantula

Before we even break down these cards, let’s talk about the energy I channeled for this pile: the tarantula. This fiery, primal creature represents a crossroads. You’re at a point in your life where you need to make a crucial decision: keep running, or finally confront what you’ve been avoiding. The tarantula doesn’t rush—it pauses, listens, and makes its move when the time is right. But, darling, time is ticking, and you can’t stay stuck at this crossroads forever.

The Core Message:

Pile 1, the story here is one of resistance. The Moon paired with the Page of Swords and Eight of Swords tells me there’s a fog in your life—an uncertainty that you keep poking at but refuse to fully face. You’re trapped in your own mental labyrinth (Eight of Swords), and the Four of Swords reversed shows you’re restless. You know something needs to change, but instead of taking the leap, you’re clinging to avoidance tactics (Seven of Swords).

Here’s the tea: you’ve got Strength and the Hanged Man here, which is Spirit’s way of saying, “You’re stronger than you think, but it’s time to shift your perspective.” You’re being called to let go of old patterns that no longer serve you.

The Ten of Cups and Knight of Pentacles show potential for emotional fulfillment and stability, but it’s slow-moving. Why? Because the Seven of Cups and Nine of Pentacles reversed suggest you’re overwhelmed by choices, doubts, and insecurities. You’re spreading yourself thin, chasing after too many things at once, or holding onto situations that are draining your energy.

The Savior Complex:

Justice reversed and Death reversed? Baby, you’re resisting the scales tipping and the transformation that comes with it. You’re out here trying to “fix” or “save” others, pouring your cup into everyone else’s, but who’s filling yours? The Page of Pentacles and Eight of Swords reversed suggest a fresh start is possible, but only if you decide to step out of your mental cage.

Spirit is asking you to pause and ask yourself:

Why am I so focused on saving others?

What am I avoiding in my own life?

What part of myself am I neglecting?

The Shift:

The Two of Wands and Nine of Cups show that you have the power to manifest your desires, but only if you stop running from your shadows. The Eight of Wands tells me that when you do finally face your fears, things will start moving fast. But until then? The Hermit reversed, Three of Cups reversed, and Two of Cups reversed show a sense of isolation. You might feel disconnected from yourself and others, but this is a sign to reconnect with your inner Queen of Wands energy. (Though she’s reversed right now, honey—she’s there, waiting to shine again.)

Judgment, The World, and The Fool Reversed

The underlying theme here is a wake-up call. Judgment is asking you to reflect and rise. The World says you’re nearing the end of a cycle, but The Fool reversed warns against taking shortcuts. You can’t skip the work, darling. Self-love and growth require patience, effort, and honesty.

Closing Message:

Pile 1, Spirit is asking you to step into your power. You’ve been running for too long, trying to save everyone but yourself. It’s time to pause, face your shadows, and let the tarantula guide you towards alignment. You’re stronger than you think, and once you confront the truth, you’ll unlock a new chapter filled with growth, abundance, and peace.

And remember, as Rihanna said: “I’m the only one who needed saving.”

Take that as your mantra, baby. It's time to save yourself.

Pile 2: "The Reason to Hold On" 🎀🪞

Pile 2, your word is Grounding. Spirit is calling you to center yourself and get back to the basics—your foundation, your values, and your heart’s desires. You're holding on to something that might not be serving you anymore, and it’s time to evaluate why. By grounding yourself, you'll find clarity and the strength to move forward, step by step, toward what truly fulfills you.

Hello, my loves. This is Pile 2 for my collective, or for whoever is meant to cross paths with this reading and resonate deeply. Let me preface this by saying: this message isn’t necessarily what you want to hear, but Spirit says it’s what you need to hear.

The Cards Speak:

The cards here: Three of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Page of Cups, Knight of Pentacles, Four of Cups, The Hierophant, Three of Cups, Ace of Pentacles Reversed, Five of Cups Reversed, Five of Wands, Queen of Cups, The Star, The Moon Reversed, King of Pentacles, Three of Swords Reversed, The Hanged Man Reversed, Seven of Wands Reversed, Knight of Wands, Justice, Knight of Cups Reversed, Nine of Cups, The Devil Reversed, King of Wands Reversed, Eight of Cups Reversed, Seven of Pentacles Reversed, Seven of Cups, Ace of Cups, Two of Pentacles Reversed.

Bottom of the deck: Nine of Pentacles Reversed.

Split the deck: Ten of Pentacles, Ten of Wands Reversed, Four of Pentacles.

Energy Check: The Fox

The energy of this pile is represented by the Fox from the Wild Unknown Oracle. The fox is cunning, observant, and intelligent, but in this context, there’s something about its watchfulness that stands out. It’s as though you’re waiting, watching, holding onto something that feels like the only thread tethering you to stability or purpose. There’s this overwhelming sense of “the only reason to hold on,” as if your grasp is fixed on something that simultaneously grounds you and weighs you down.

The Core Message:

Pile 2, you’re holding on to something—whether it’s a relationship, a dream, a belief system, or even a version of yourself—that no longer serves you in the way it once did. The Three of Pentacles and Four of Wands suggest that this thing did bring you joy and stability at one point. It gave you a sense of belonging, a reason to celebrate. But as we move into the Four of Cups, we see dissatisfaction creeping in.

You’re in this limbo, caught between nostalgia for what was and the fear of letting go. The Hierophant indicates you’ve built structures or traditions around this thing, making it even harder to release. But here’s the truth, darling: just because something was good for you doesn’t mean it still is.

The reversed Ace of Pentacles and Seven of Pentacles reversed show stagnation. You’re planting seeds in soil that no longer nurtures growth. The Five of Wands and Five of Cups reversed suggest inner conflict and a desire to move on from pain, but there’s hesitation.

Why Are You Holding On?

The Devil reversed paired with Eight of Cups reversed shows you know this thing is no longer healthy for you. You’ve done some of the work to untangle yourself from it, but you haven’t fully walked away. The reversed King of Wands and Knight of Cups show a lack of confidence or direction. You’re holding on because you think letting go will leave you empty.

But Spirit says, “Letting go doesn’t mean losing yourself. It means making space for something new.”

The Shift:

The Star, Justice, and Ace of Cups show that healing and emotional renewal are on the horizon—but only if you release the burden you’re carrying (Ten of Wands reversed) and open your heart to possibilities you can’t yet see. The Knight of Pentacles urges you to take small, deliberate steps. You don’t have to figure it all out at once.

The Bottom Line:

The reversed Nine of Pentacles suggests a fear of independence or self-reliance. You may feel like you’re not ready to stand on your own, but Spirit is reminding you of your strength. The Ten of Pentacles shows that true stability and abundance await you, but you have to loosen your grip on what’s no longer working (Four of Pentacles).

Closing Message:

Pile 2, you’re being asked to trust the process. The fox watches, observes, and waits for the perfect moment to act. But the time to act is approaching. Spirit is saying, “Let go of what no longer serves you, even if it scares you. Trust that what’s meant for you will find its way.”

And remember, you’re not losing anything. You’re making room for everything.

Pile 3: "What Do You Need to Close the Cycle?"🍒💄

Pile 3, your word is Transformation. Change is in the air, and it’s asking for your participation. Spirit is nudging you to close out cycles, do the work, and step into the next chapter of your journey. This isn’t a time to fear change but to embrace it as a necessary step toward your personal evolution. Trust the process—it’s all leading to your highest good.

P.S: this collective could be bloggers, content creators, use TikTok a lot, could be watching tarot readings on TikTok as well, a tarot reader called Chen could be significant. Also, they could be doing a lot of shadow work, there's something to do with beauty for this collective, either a business or something. Some of the collective could be ruled by Venus.

Hello, my loves. This is Pile 3 for my collective, or for those who are about to cross paths with this reading. Spirit says this message is for someone who needs to focus on their self-love and growth, but here’s the twist: you’re being asked to DO something. This isn’t passive reflection; this is about action, movement, and embracing change.

The Cards Speak:

The cards for this pile: The Empress, Four of Pentacles reversed, The Hermit, Ten of Cups reversed, The Tower, Two of Pentacles, Queen of Swords reversed, The Sun reversed, Five of Cups, Five of Pentacles, Two of Wands, Ace of Swords, Queen of Pentacles, The Moon, Four of Cups, Six of Cups, Nine of Swords, Four of Wands, Knight of Pentacles reversed, The Fool, Eight of Cups reversed, The World, High Priestess reversed, The World reversed, Eight of Swords reversed, Ten of Swords, Ten of Pentacles, King of Cups reversed, Page of Pentacles, Four of Swords reversed, Strength, Knight of Cups reversed, King of Pentacles.

Bottom of the deck: Eight of Pentacles.

Split the deck: Justice, Six of Swords reversed, Three of Pentacles.

Energy Check: The Elk

The energy of this pile is represented by the Elk from the Wild Unknown Oracle. The elk symbolizes groundedness, strength, and perseverance. There’s a strong earth energy here (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn vibes), and with the number 555 appearing prominently, Spirit is screaming change. You’re on the cusp of a transformation, but it’s going to take effort, focus, and an open mind.

The Core Message:

Pile 3, you’re being called to close a cycle. This isn’t a gentle nudge—it’s a push, a wake-up call. The Tower and Ten of Swords don’t mince words: something in your life is no longer sustainable. It’s time to let go, to rebuild, to transform.

But here’s the thing: you’re holding back. The reversed Eight of Cups shows reluctance to leave behind what’s familiar, even if it’s painful. The reversed World confirms this cycle isn’t closing because you’re clinging to it. Spirit says, “It’s time to stop procrastinating.”

What’s Holding You Back?

The reversed Queen of Swords and Sun suggest confusion and lack of clarity. You might feel lost, like you don’t know which way to turn. The Five of Cups and Five of Pentacles show grief, loss, and feelings of abandonment. But darling, you can’t build a new foundation if you’re standing in the rubble of the old one.

There’s a fear of stepping into the unknown (The Fool), a fear of leaving behind comfort and stability (Four of Pentacles reversed). The reversed Knight of Pentacles shows hesitation, a reluctance to take those first steps.

What Do You Need to Do?

Shadow Work: The presence of The Moon and the word “shadow” coming through loud and clear means you need to confront your fears, insecurities, and patterns. What are you avoiding? What are you afraid to face?

Close the Cycle: The reversed World and the question, “What do they need to close this cycle?” indicate unfinished business. The Ace of Swords suggests clarity and truth are key. Be honest with yourself about what needs to end.

Embrace Change: The number 555 is all about transformation. The reversed Six of Swords shows resistance to moving forward. Spirit says, “You can’t grow if you stay where you are.”

Step Into Your Power: The Empress and Queen of Pentacles show you have the potential for abundance, beauty, and stability. But you need to believe in yourself. The reversed High Priestess suggests you’re not trusting your intuition.

Work on Your Goals: The Eight of Pentacles and Three of Pentacles show the importance of effort and collaboration. Whether it’s personal growth, career, or relationships, put in the work.

The Shift:

Once you take action, the Ten of Pentacles and Strength show that long-term success and stability are within reach. The reversed Knight of Cups suggests it’s time to focus on practical, grounded action rather than chasing fleeting emotions or distractions.

Closing Message:

Pile 3, Spirit says: “You are stronger than you think. Stop doubting yourself, stop delaying the inevitable, and take that first step. The cycle won’t close itself—you have to do the work. But once you do, you’ll find freedom, clarity, and a sense of purpose like never before.”

P.S: Spirit really isn’t playing with you today! Seeing 15:55 as exactly as I'm writing this part is a powerful confirmation. The number 555 is all about transformation, major changes, and growth, and it ties perfectly with the energy of Pile 3.

This is your nudge from the universe that you’re aligned with the message. Whatever you’re holding onto, it’s time to release it. Big shifts are coming your way, and they’re leading you toward something better, more fulfilling, and more aligned with your higher self.

Take it as a sign: the change you’ve been resisting is the change you need.

All right, loves, I feel like Spirit really came through with some powerful messages for all three piles. And listen, I know some of you might be side-eyeing me, thinking, 'What kind of cosmic call-out is this?' But trust me when I say, Spirit doesn’t whisper when you need to hear the truth—it SHOUTS. Whether it’s shadow work, releasing what no longer serves, or embracing the change that’s been knocking at your door, this reading is your invitation to level up. No more hiding, no more resisting—this is about stepping into your power, facing those shadows, and letting your inner light do the talking. And remember, self-love isn’t just bubble baths and affirmations; it’s about confronting what’s uncomfortable, healing, and showing up for yourself in ways you never have before. So take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and, as always, stay bold, stay growing, and stay you.

Alright, babes, let’s do a poll because we love options. Spirit's been loud today, but I’m curious—what are we focusing on next? Y’all know the vibe. Let’s keep it spicy and soul-shaking, shall we?

Let me know which one has you screaming 'That’s the one!' Voting closes whenever Spirit says so (lol I mean Tumblr says one week so...). May the best vibe win!

[blitzwhore]

wait, i don't understand, can u please if u want explain why they scrapped the "Stolitz Montage" song?

Yeah, I can explain! I actually have a lot of thoughts about these songs.

For context, at the beginning of Sinsmas, a song called Day By Day plays in the background while Blitz and Stolas run errands. Originally, a different song (untitled, so Sam Haft—the composer—unofficially called it Stolitz Montage) was going to play during these scenes, but they ended up scrapping it. I mentioned in the tags of a different post that I understood why they'd made this decision.

If you don't want to keep reading, my TL;DR is that I believe the tone and mood of Stolitz Montage doesn't fit Stolas' emotional journey in Sinsmas as well as Day By Day does.

If you do want to read my full personal analysis, keep reading below the cut!

-

(Note: I'm going to focus on the songs' lyrics, because I'm not knowledgeable enough about music to analyse the musical aspect of the songs. If anyone else wants to add their thoughts in that regard, be my guest!)

Let's start by taking a look at the lyrics of the scrapped song, Stolitz Montage:

So you're having a bad time

You're stressing and everything all seems much so

You've been having a sad time

And your family probably hates your fucking guts so

The song starts by describing Stolas' situation and emotional state in the days following the trial: he is sad and overwhelmed, everything feels like "too much", and his family probably hates him.

It's pretty clear from the get-go that they wanted a song for this montage that conveyed Stolas' struggle to adapt to life as a commoner, away from everything he's known, and having gone cold turkey on his depression meds (the lack of which is emphasised visually throughout the song).

The song is also in second person: Stolas isn't him, or me, he's you. This is something both songs have in common. It keeps the song at a slight emotional distance from Stolas. Whereas a first-person song would make the feelings too personal—would make Stolas too aware of his own struggle—and a third-person song wound be too distant, the second person allows Stolas to be only passively aware of his emotional state. He's not the one singing; he's the one being sung about. What he's feeling is being pointed out to him by an external, seemingly omniscient voice.

The song continues:

Ooooh-oh oooh ooh

I know you feel it too

You lost your way

And just can't fake it for another day

It's hard to take it

Just pretend you're gonna be okay

Here is where I think the tone of the song starts to deviate from what they wanted to convey in this montage.

At first glance, this is a continuation of the previous verses, and mostly expands on Stolas' emotional state: "it's hard to take it"; "you lost your way".

The key difference is that the lyrical voice now plays an actual role in that emotional state.

First, it states that it shares Stolas' feelings ("I know you feel it too"—implying that Stolas isn't the only one who feels this way). Thus, the lyrical voice starts shifting into an active character within the scene. And not any kind of character—one that can relate to Stolas and, more importantly, one that can offer some comfort.

Then, there's the line "just pretend you're gonna be okay". Now, I see two possible interpretations for this line. It can either be a piece of advice for Stolas (hey, I know it's hard, but just pretend), or another description of his struggle, a continuation of the previous line: "(it's hard to) just pretend you're gonna be okay". Personally, I lean slightly towards the former interpretation, especially because the lyrical voice's intention to offer comfort and advice becomes clearer in the next line of the song:

You're not okay and that's okay

This is where the focus of the song shifts fully towards a hopeful, even optimistic view of Stolas' situation.

Now, I get where they were going with this. "It's okay to not be okay" is a very powerful thing to say to someone who's struggling with mental illness and hard life circumstances, and it's one Stolas badly needs to hear.

In fact, it is a message that is conveyed to Stolas multiple times throughout the episode. By Blitz. Not through words, of course—but through actions. In the montage itself, as well as throughout the rest of the episode, Blitz constantly stands by Stolas' side, offers him company and comfort, meets him where he's at emotionally, doesn't pressure him to be okay, and (especially at the end in their apartment) gives room for Stolas' sadness and grief to exist. He hugs Stolas, puts his hands on Stolas' arms, and opens up emotionally about his own sister, and those are all ways of showing Stolas that it's okay that Stolas isn't okay.

But here's the thing. The knowledge that it's okay to not be okay is Blitz's, not Stolas'. That is Blitz's emotional state, not Stolas'. Stolas doesn't know it's okay to not be okay, and even though Blitz keeps conveying this message to him, he's not able to hear it just yet. Not this early in his descent to rock bottom.

In fact, learning that it's okay to not be okay is a journey that Stolas only begins at the end of the episode. By then, Stolas still isn't okay, but he begins to come to terms with the fact that that's alright. And he does this by allowing Blitz to sit in silence with him, to dance with him, to pry a laugh from him, to hold him without any expectations of being held back. The final scene of the episode is all about them both being okay even though Stolas isn't. We see this in the fact that Stolas lets himself stay in Blitz's arms, going as far as closing his eyes. He's there. He's finally in the moment. He's finally allowing the "not okay" feelings in his body to just be.

The Stolitz Montage song ends with:

You put one foot in front of the other

Then you take it day by day

Knowing you got nothing

You still got each other

Ooooh-oh oooh ooh

Again, most of these lines do match Stolas' emotional state. In fact, the notion of just living life one day at a time, just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, is very representative of what a depressive episode can and does feel like.

But, in the very last line, the song shifts right back to a reassuring tone: "you still got each other".

Now, not only does the hopeful, optimistic sentiment of this line belong—once again—to Blitz's emotional state, it also goes directly against what the emotional arc of the episode aims to achieve.

Sinsmas isn't about them having each other—Sinsmas is about Stolas having Blitz.

It takes him all episode to realise this, too. At the beginning, when the montage takes place, Stolas is just going through the motions. As stated above, he's just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other—he's fully on survival mode. During the fight with Andrealphus, Stolas is shocked that Blitz came to save him, that he risked his life. That is the moment Stolas begins to truly comprehend that he can lean on Blitz. And then, after they get home, he slowly continues to learn it, as explained above. By the end of the episode, he's only just starting to allow himself to lean emotionally on Blitz.

And significantly, Blitz doesn't lean on Stolas. Because he's at a very different part of his own character arc, and he already had his opportunity to lean emotionally on those around him with Millie in Ghostfuckers, and to a lesser extent, with all his employees during their mission on Sinsmas.

Blitz has gone through enough pain, character growth, and healing to both understand exactly where Stolas is at, and be able to meet him there and be a rock for Stolas to lean on.

So the reason that line—that last line, positioned strategically to drive home its message that it's all gonna be okay—doesn't work for the montage is twofold. Firstly, because Stolas isn't ready to see that he has Blitz. Secondly, because it is now Blitz's turn to give comfort without needing to receive it in exchange.

And, if we take a look at the whole song, the reason it doesn't work for the scene is because it doesn't meet Stolas where he's at. The song says, "yes, you're sad, but—" and shifts to optimism. It doesn't fully allow Stolas to simply not be okay. To not be there yet. It doesn't fully allow his depression to just suck. The feelings of sadness and overwhelmingness are shadowed by a positivity and hope that belong to Blitz, and not Stolas.

Let's now take a look at Day By Day, and at which ideas from the original song were kept, which ones were changed, how, and why it works:

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You take it day by day

You got everything that you had thought you wanted

But you still feel so blue

And you don't know what to do

Right off the bat, the lyrics are very similar in tone to the ones at the beginning of Stolitz Montage. Once again, a lyrical voice in the second person describes Stolas' emotional state: he's blue (sad), he's taking it day by day.

But there's already a change. "You have everything you thought you wanted, but you still feel so blue".

The fact that Stolas had always wanted a life with Blitz is something the previous song doesn't touch on whatsoever. And it matters, because "what Stolas thought he wanted" is a central part of his arc in the episode. It comes back during his breakdown at the office: "and I did it for what?! These stupid, foolish fantasies?" And it comes back again when Blitz saves him from Andrealphus, and when Blitz dances with him and their eyes meet afterwards.

As stated above, this is the episode where it dawns on Stolas that he has Blitz. But he isn't there yet at the beginning of the episode, and so he still believes what he and Blitz had was just a fantasy of his. And because he's never had anything with Blitz that wasn't a fantasy, because fantasy is all he knows, he doesn't immediately know what to do with the real thing. With the domesticity, and the errands. He doesn't recognise the signs Blitz is sending his way that he's got Blitz to lean on.

These two lines are also important because they bring forth another aspect of depression that the previous song doesn't: that love doesn't cure depression, or make it magically go away. That going cold turkey on your meds and having a massive depressive episode is going to suck no matter how many good things you have in this life, because depression is a biological process, not a state of mind. Depression takes away your ability to find joy in things that used to bring you it. It takes away your feelings, your energy, your strength.

Notice that Stolas doesn't seem apathetic or hollow inside on the night of the trial and the morning after. Yes, he's had his title and power stripped, he's been physically assaulted in the street, and yes, he's worried about Octavia. Obviously, he shows signs of being dissociated, and he's exhausted. But, emotionally, he's still hanging on. He still thanks Blitz for everything, and he talks to Blitz in the morning, and smiles when Blitz offers to get him rats. Before the effects of going cold turkey on his meds start to kick in, he's grateful to be around Blitz.

It's during the montage, as the days go by, that he starts feeling blue. Because depression is very quickly taking away the joy he found in Blitz's company.

And that's why, even in the first few lines, this song conveys Stolas' state of mind so much better than the previous one. Because while the message in Stolitz Montage was "yes, you're sad, but—", the message in Day By Day is "yes, you should be happy, but."

It lets the sad win over the happy. It lets depression take Stolas down with it, it lets him feel helpless and lost. "You still feel so blue, and you don't know what to do."

The song continues:

You're sitting at the end of the rainbow, but the pain grows

And you can't help let the strain show

'Cause what else are you to do?

These lines emphasise the ideas presented in the previous ones: that Stolas should be happy, but he isn't. That the pain that has planted itself in Stolas is growing. So much so that he can't help but let it show.

Stolas' helplessness, his slow descent into misery, are given the room to exist. Everything around him seems fine, but he's not fine. And he's not told that it's okay to not be fine. Because this is Stolas' emotional state we're exploring, and for him, it's not okay to not be fine right now. He's too busy going through the motions to grant himself that kind of mercy.

The song finishes:

Keep it calm, life goes on, and on, and on

Nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong

So why do I still feel this way?

Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

You take it day by day

And, much like in the previous song, we get a small hint of what could be interpreted either as advice/reassurance from the lyrical voice, or as Stolas actively telling himself to pretend to be okay. "keep it calm, life goes on, nothing's wrong". In this case, though, I lean towards the latter interpretation for a very simple reason: the next line shifts to first person. "So why do I still feel this way?"

And that's the thing: once again, the hope and calm he's trying to make himself feel are immediately overpowered by his feelings of sadness. Once again, it's the sadness that wins over, and not the happiness. His depression is given room to drag him down, take him slowly towards rock bottom.

And once again, the last line—at least the last one before the chorus is repeated—is used to drive home the message of the song. But this time, the message is that, despite it all, despite having what he wanted, despite sitting at the end of the rainbow, despite trying to convince himself he's okay, he still feels sad. Because that's what depression does. No matter how many good things you have in your life, it drags you down.

And that message, in that last line, is delivered in the form of a question. "Why do I still feel this way?" This matters for two reasons. The first one is that it shows that Stolas isn't (fully) aware of what's happening to him. He obviously knows he needs his meds, he knows he should be taking them. We see him reach out for them. But he is also living his emotions, and not just experiencing them from the outside. And as the emotions take over, he loses perspective of where they come from, too caught up in how they're drowning him.

The second reason this matters is because the song and the lyrical voice don't offer Stolas answers.

In Stolitz Montage, Stolas gets an answer to his struggle: that, ultimately, [Blitz and Stolas] still got each other.

But in Day By Day, all Stolas gets are questions. What else are you to do? Why do I still feel this way?

Day By Day meets Stolas where he's at during the days leading up to Sinsmas after the trial. It allows for these questions to exist without an answer; it lets the answers come later in the episode. It lets his journey through the episode play out, allowing him to learn that he has Blitz, that he needs his meds, and that he has to be okay with the fact that things are not okay.

By the end of the episode, he can acknowledge that he made his choices and has to deal with the consequences. He starts to understand Blitz is by his side, willing to help him through this. That his relationship with Blitz might not feel like he thought it would, because he's too mentally ill and heart-broken to be there—but that they still have each other, they still love each other, and they'll be okay.

But during the montage, he's not there yet, and it wouldn't make sense for the song to be there, either.

So, yes, as cute and optimistic as Stolitz Montage is, and as glad as I am they released it anyways for us to enjoy, I believe the writers made the right decision by scrapping it for the episode.

If you read this far, thank you for your time! Please treat yourself to a glass of water for me, and feel free to share your thoughts ❤️

[aziraphales-library]

Hiiiii, i hope you're all having an amazing day on whichever day this gets seen, i owe you my life for running this incredible blog 💛💛💛

Would you happen to know of any meet cute human au fics in which Crowley is a cat dad? (preferably M or E rated, but im not that picky) There's just something very endearing to me about Crowley owning a cat that i can't explain...

Thank you in advance for your help!! 💛

Hello! Here are some fics in which Crowley has a cat...

with the help of a cat, or two by whicorzoo (G)

In which the cat in the window of the flat right across from Crowley's is unfairly perfect, so on a particularly whimsical night, he decides to put up a sign in his window to tell his neighbor as much. By morning, he's forgotten about it, until he sees it in his window and regrets the decision entirely. He expects to have his cool, intimidating facade never taken seriously again. He does not expect a response.

Pass the Star by mageofthepeople (E)

An Ineffable Wives roller derby AU Azalea Fell meets Antoinette Crowley at her first roller derby bout with a new league. After an incident leads to a trip to A&E, the two are drawn to one another but Crowley is reluctant to potentially ruin a great friendship for something more.

But, soft! by On1OccasionFork (M)

With love's light wings did I o'erperch these walls, For stony limits cannot hold love out; And what love can do, that dares love attempt. Therefore thy kinsmen are no stop to me. -Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene ii Crowley's life is going well. He's got his shop, his friends, and a new flat with a balcony perfect for a few plants. That's when things start to get complicated.

love like yours (will surely come my way) by CCs_World (T)

Dr Zira Fell is a new professor of theology at St Beryl's University. His first day there he meets the mysterious and enchanting Dr AJ Crowley, an art history professor and a painter. They almost immediately become friends, and spend most of their time getting lunch together, talking, drinking wine, making art, and falling slowly in love with one another. Featuring cameos of everyone's favorite (and least favorite) characters, gratuitous descriptions of paintings, long text messaging conversations, and one cranky cat.

Or Be Nice by charlottemadison (E)

Crowley and Aziraphale are neighbours. And...it does not go at all well, until it does. A human AU in which Aziraphale is a bookseller, Crowley is a drummer, and they are both petty disasters in the worst/best way. +++ “So what’s your deal?” “My-my-my deal?” Aziraphale stammered. “I’m a bookseller, is my deal.” “Oh,” Crowley replied, sounding as uninterested as it was possible to sound. “It’s just, I couldn’t help overhearing, and --” Aziraphale swallowed hard. “You really are an accomplished musician. But I thought -- for after 11PM -- perhaps we could reach some arrangement?” “Arrangement?” Aziraphale felt his his smile turning forced. “Such as, perhaps, playing the drums *before* eleven? Instead of after?” Crowley stared blankly at him. In fact he stared for so long that Aziraphale briefly wondered if he'd lapsed into ancient Greek again, which he was known to do in bad dreams or during panic attacks.

Whickber Street by Caedmon (E)

Anthony J. Crowley doesn’t think he’s ever been so happy. He’s finally quit his old job and is opening his childhood dream: a comic book shop. All of the neighbors are great, but the bookseller seems to hate him… Aziraphale Eastgate grew up in his great grandfather’s shop. Now he runs it and lives above it. He loves everything about his life on Whickber Street…. but the new proprietor down the street has him terribly, terribly vexed. Sparks fly when these two meet, and Aziraphale vows to hate him forever. Fergus, meanwhile, sets a timer. Looks like Cupid has come to Soho.

- Mod D

[ilysungho]

20 and 29 for taesan pls :)

a/n: i had previously written a taesan voyeurism prompt, but he was a dom in that so this one's for sub taesan! for dom!taesan, you can read here -> prompt 53 + 57 wc: 1k contains: sub!taesan x dom!reader, perv!taesan, strangers to ???, humiliation kink taesan, voyeurism, semi-public setting, handjob, masturbation, little degradation, lowercase intended, prompts italicized

“ahhhnn faster please, harder…”

the air in the room got thicker as the sounds from taesan’s phone escaped without a pause. sinful thoughts ran across his mind while one hand palmed the bulge forming on his pants, pre-cum staining the material. he wanted just one chance… one chance to make his dreams of fucking you come true, but every time he even looked in your direction, his boner couldn't help but form.

for you though, it was a shocker to see the lonely boy in the empty class, raggedly breathing while his shoulders shuffled mysteriously. this room had been your favorite one to study in after a long day, usually empty and resourceful with the whiteboard walls and standing tables. not to mention how it was tucked away in the corner of the building, so not many people came by.

black frames decorated taesan’s face as he concentrated on the video, imagining your boobs engulfing his length and your pretty face fucked out from the previous rounds, wanting to replicate the scenes he watched. he kept palming himself, the moans in the video enhanced with the noise cancelling earbuds he put on.

and in true loser fashion, he just had to moan your name. while you stood right behind him.

“say that again pretty boy.” you whispered into his ear, fingers holding the removed earbud. taesan gasped, scared to look back while he turned his phone off and attempted to not freak out at your voice. “y-y-y… y-y/n…” well that was an epic failure…

“i didn’t know you thought of me that way. and you even know my name, so why don’t you tell me yours?” you had a sly smile as you turned his chair to face you, taking a seat next to him. he was red as a tomato facing downwards, fixing his glasses from falling off his embarrassed face. not only did his crush find him watching porn, he also had to say their name out loud… great job idiot.

you clicked your tongue at his silence, pulling his chair close to yours now. “such a naughty boy. not even telling me your name, yet you touch yourself to the thought of me? well, go on. i’d like to see that in action.”

"w-w-what?! no! no i can't!!" he looked at you, still blushing hard. but you looked at how his jeans had a dark spot. in a teasing manner, you got up and turned around. "ok then. i'll go study like i was supposed to."

taesan's eyes widened at your quick decision, grabbing onto the sleeve of your button down. "wait... i-i'll do it.... but only i-if... only if you let me do you too!" you didn't know he would react like this, but you liked seeing how desperate he got. composing yourself, you sat back down on the chair in front of him and nodded, at which, he visibly gulped.

"go on then." tilting your head to the side, you crossed your legs and sat back, hands resting on the armrests. taesan nervously touched the stained fabric, feeling even more turned on by the whole situation (it was as if he enjoyed the humiliation...).

he palmed himself some more before unzipping and pulling out his dick under his boxers. you raised your eyebrows at the sight, his long cock glistening under the lights while the veins on it ran all throughout up till his red tip. he hissed under his own touch, thumb covering his slit, as he wrapped his fingers around himself.

"tell me how you want to do me, pretty boy." you smirked as he jerked into his hand, caught off guard by the new request you gave. but he complied, his mind running at full speed with everything he could think of to do to and with you.

"f-fuck you," thrust, "eat you o-out," thrust, "suck y-your tits," thrust, "a-and more..." thrust.

he imagined your boobs in place of his hand like the video he was previously watching, eyes closed to really visualize it. his posture was so messed up though that you got entertained by it all. he looked oh so pathetic, hovering off his chair as he thrust into his hand, and you knew that it was something you would love to tease him about some other time.

"be more specific cutie, otherwise you might not get what you want." you took your feet out of your shoes, raising it up to touch his balls through socks. taesan fell back onto the chair, his eyes shooting open as an involuntary moan came out. the sound caused you to press harder onto him, wanting to hear it again as he squealed out.

“‘m gonna use m-my tongue—aahn— to eat you o-out. and t-then FUCK i’ll lick y-you clean until you c-cum again. nghh i-i’ll use my dick a-after to fuck y-your tits and s-spill my c-cummgh on your body. then i-i’ll finally l-let your p-pussy get f-fucked…”

“that’s a lot of talk coming from a whining bitch under my foot huh pretty boy?” taesan looked straight at you then, trying to settle down on his seat to readjust how he jerked off. the eye contact made him feel hot but his competitive nature came to show as he pointed his cock at you, tonguing his cheek to not make any more sounds.

you both stared long and hard as he continued on, his hand working harder than it has ever before to help his dreams come true. the concentration produced perspiration as he felt close. and with a few more hard pumps, he shot his load right onto your shirt.

you stood up while smirking, amused at his bravery. after taking your shirt off, taesan watched as you came and took his hoodie off of him, redressing with that instead.

"i'm taesan..." he breathed out while coming down from his high, sweat trickling from from his forehead to his jawline.

“well let’s make your thoughts a reality, yeah taesan?” you said, grabbing your stuff while waiting for him to get ready. it might be your place or his, but it’s the start to a new bond between you two.

[calliecopper]

Ian Gallagher Being His Own Person, and Why That's Controversial

A meta about Ian's story during his time away from Mickey, and the hate his character receives for it. Inspired by @dazzle02 :)

How many times have you heard somebody say that they skipped season 8 of Shameless because Mickey wasn't in it? How many times have you heard somebody say that season 7 is only good during Mickey's episodes, or that the story is boring without Mickey in it, or that Ian's S6-8 arc was boring without Mickey? How many times have you heard somebody proclaim that Ian wasn't a good partner to Mickey?

Mickey is undeniably THE fan favorite character of the show, and with that comes a tendency for fans to defend him tooth and nail, even when he is in the wrong, and refuse to see any other points of view. Characters who go against Mickey in any way receive a harsh amount of criticism that sometimes is not fully justified. This applies even to Mickey's main connection to the story: Ian.

During season 5 and onward, some fans hold Ian's actions against him very harshly when I feel he deserves a bit more empathy. Of these, there are three main things people criticize his character for during seasons 5, 6, and 7 that I feel are not given proper analysis and thought by fandom.

Disclaimer before we get in because people feel very passionately about these two: Every interpretation of a character is entirely unique to each individual viewer, and these are just my opinions. This is in no way an anti-Mickey post, so as you read, keep in mind that any criticism toward him is not meant to make him out to be a bad character. Don't bite me.

Season Five: The Breakup of All Time

I think a large part of why people get so upset with Ian for the breakup is because of the growth Mickey experienced in seasons 4-5 leading up to it.

Mickey in seasons 1-3 is in extreme denial of being gay, and when he grows feelings for Ian, he lashes out and treats Ian like shit. Seeing Mickey's slow growth starting in season 3 brought interest to his character, and in season 4 with his major growth during his coming out, he becomes very compelling to a viewer. After all the angst that it took to get Mickey to finally open up, there's a natural desire to see that positive growth and relationship development continue. When Ian throws a wrench in that by breaking up with Mickey in season 5, people get upset, and they're going to direct that toward Ian because he is the easiest to blame.

There's the sentiment of, "Mickey came out for Ian, took care of Ian, and supported Ian when he needed him most despite his faults. Why is Ian leaving Mickey in the dust when he now needs him most?"

This is honestly not an unreasonable thing to feel when looking at things from Mickey's perspective.

But, when you take a look at Ian's character, and you really think of his motivations in that moment, his decision to break up is actually very understandable. Ian didn't break up with Mickey because he thinks Mickey is a bad partner or because he doesn't love Mickey enough. He broke up with Mickey because he thought that's what was best FOR Mickey.

I think comparing the breakup to their fight over marriage in season 10 to be an effective way to understand Ian better.

In season 10:

"How do you know you love me? Huh? How do you really know? I'm bipolar, right? I don't know who I am from one day to the next, and I can't guarantee shit. So why do you wanna spend the rest of your life with me?"

- Ian to Mickey, S10E9

Compare this to this conversation during the breakup:

"You used to love me. Now you don't even know who I am. Shit, I don't know who I am half the time... You don't owe me anything."

"I love you."

"The Hell does that even mean?"

- Ian and Mickey, S5E12

I feel that Ian's mindset is pretty similar in these two moments. In season 5, he is still grappling with his diagnosis, and he has no frame of reference of how a healthy life with bipolar can look. Everybody has been comparing him to Monica, and he himself seems to oscillate between thinking he is like her and not like her, so in his mind, he has nothing to offer anymore.

Then, in season 10, in his mind he proved himself right. He tried to get his shit in order, lived happily and found peace with his diagnosis, and then he fucked it up. He had an episode, and he lost everything he fought so hard to have. He has practically ruined his life because he DID what he FEARED he would:

"I hate the meds. You gonna make me take 'em?"

"You get fucking nuts when you don't."

"Are you gonna want to be with me even if I don't?"

- Ian and Mickey, S5E12

That conversation isn't Ian saying he isn't going to take his meds, given how in season six, he IS taking his meds. I interpret his above statement to be a warning to Mickey. Because Monica has tried to get on her meds before, has tried to get better, and has failed many times. IAN has gone off his meds willingly twice now. This is him telling Mickey, straightforward, "I do not like the meds, and there will always be a risk of me deciding not to take them."

And in seasons 8-9, he does exactly that. He goes off his meds, and he destroys everything he built for himself. That's part of the reason why he hesitates to marry Mickey in season 10, and part of the reason he breaks up with Mickey in season 5.

Ian views himself and his disorder to be a burden on the people he loves. He believes that Mickey will be better off without him.

"I don't want you sitting around, worrying, watching me, waiting for me to do my next crazy shit."

- Ian to Mickey, S5E12

Because Mickey HAS been doing that. Ever since he was diagnosed, Mickey has been watching Ian like a hawk, acting like a nurse, which frustrates Ian.

"Fuckin' nurse now?"

[...]

"I'm sick of your whiny, pussy crap. I don't need a fucking caretaker, alright? I need the shit-talking, bitch-slapping piece of Southside trash I fell for. Where is he? The fuck is he, Mickey?"

- Ian to Mickey, S5E10

But, of course, Mickey doesn't see it that way. To Mickey, Ian is anything but a burden he wants to unload.

"It means we take care of each other. [...] It means thick and thin, good times, bad, sickness, health, all that shit."

- Mickey to Ian, S5E12.

Mickey would do anything for Ian. He confronted his worst fear by coming out, stayed with Ian even after the infidelity, defended Ian after he kidnapped his son, and tried his best to understand a mental illness he had no prior knowledge about. Yet, Ian still won't commit to him. After everything, he still isn't good enough.

"I'm not saying never!"

"No, you're just saying you don't love me enough now."

- Ian and Mickey, S10E9

And Ian, meanwhile, thinks that HE isn't good enough for MICKEY. He has been diagnosed with a lifelong condition, one that he has seen ruin lives firsthand, something that will be a part of him for the rest of his life, and he doesn't wanna tie Mickey down to that life.

It's all one massive miscommunication.

Finally, I think the part that is the most confusing to fans regarding Ian's mindset during the breakup stems from his moments with Monica in S5E11 and S5E12.

Specifically, the parallels between these two conversations.

"Ian, there's always gonna be people that are gonna try and fix us. And you can never make those people happy. Like it breaks their heart just to look at you."

"Yeah, um, even Mickey now."

"He's your boyfriend, right? [...] I'm sure he means well, but you need to be with people who accept you for who you are. And they're out there. You should never apologize for being you."

- Monica and Ian, S5E11.

Vs.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Too much! Too much is wrong with me. That's the problem, isn't it? Too much is wrong with me, and you can't do anything about that. You can't change it. You can't fix me, 'cause I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed, okay? I'm me!"

- Ian and Mickey, S5E12.

Monica's interpretation of the relationship seems to paint Mickey in a negative light. "He means well, but he doesn't get it," or something along those lines. Based on her previous experiences with the diagnosis, she has come to the conclusion that people like Mickey or Fiona, who try to get them to take medication and are saddened by the diagnosis, are being controlling, and do not love them for who they really are. That's why she always went back to Frank; he actively tried to get her to NOT take her meds or get better, and did not encourage her when she DID try to get better. So, to her, being off her meds IS the TRUE version of herself, and the people who can not accept that do not accept her.

But I think, while Ian's lines parallel Monica's, that he does not think the same way that she does.

Toward the end of season 5, Ian seems to do a complete 180 from his previous statements on his similarities with Monica.

"You flushed your pills? You get thats a full-on Monica move, right?"

"I'm not Monica."

- Ian and Fiona, S5E8

Vs.

" [...] Cause they all say how alike we are."

"That's probably not a compliment."

"Uh... No, I think it is."

- Ian and Monica, S5E11

This happens in the wake of his arrest, after Ian's siblings talk about him to the military police. Many of their comments seem to hit Ian in a way that makes him feel misunderstood or like a burden.

Debbie: But he's been acting crazier for longer than that.

Lip: Yeah, at least this past year.

Officer: How would you characterize his behavior?

Debbie: Compared to how he used to be... He's different.

Lip: He'll go back and forth from, you know, being depressed, to, you know, incredibly wound up. I mean, he ran off with a baby for no reason.

Debbie: He almost hit me in the head with a baseball bat.

Fiona: Our mother was bipolar, so we know what it looks like. She put us through Hell, and- I'm not saying you put us through Hell, but when they're manic they can be destructive.

Officer: In your opinion, does he require medication?

Fiona: Yes.

Officer: Is he unable to care for himself?

Fiona: Sometimes, yes.

So, when Ian talks to Monica when they reconnect, Ian expresses loneliness and a feeling of isolation.

"I'm really glad you came, yknow? I just... I needed someone to talk to who... gets it."

- Ian to Monica, S5E11

When Monica tells Ian to not be ashamed and that she loves him for him, she is kind of acting like his Frank. The meds have been taking a toll, and recovery is so difficult that running with her and getting validation from the only other person who could "get it" is an easy choice to make. I think the combined factors of Mickey treating him so delicately, his siblings laying out his flaws so plainly, and his mother's open acceptance creates a feeling of bitterness or shame, and Ian is hoping to find comfort in his mother.

But it doesn't go the way he expects it to.

At the diner, he thinks that Monica is going to prostitute herself for money, and is relieved when she doesn't. It's likely he was thinking of his own stint at the Fairytale in this moment.

Then, he recalls a moment from his childhood that he does not look upon fondly, only for Monica to refer to it as "good times."

He meets Monica's partner and discovers he is an aggressive teenage meth dealer that she is helping to sell the meth.

I think Ian has a true moment of clarity during this. He had thought that he was vindicated, that everybody else was wrong, that they didn't understand, that Monica was right, and that he was perfectly fine just the way he was. But then he sees what Monica considers to be "a happy life."

"Ian, I'm finally happy. People like us, we can be happy. I love him, and that's the most important thing, to find somebody to love, right? Who loves you back for who you are. I want that for you. I love you. We're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay."

- Monica to Ian, S5E12.

Monica's perception of life is warped. What she considers a good life is living in a trailer selling meth. Good memories are traumatic memories for those around her. True love and support is an aggressive teenage dealer, or Frank Gallagher.

A simple drive to Ian was a horrifying kidnapping to Svetlana. Doing a porn that was no big deal to Ian was a betrayal of trust to Mickey. Joining Monica and ignoring the calls of his well-meaning but ignorant family to Ian was a painful and worrisome disappearance to them. Ian's perception HAS been warped, and he's crashing back to reality, realizing that he has run off with MONICA, realizing that he can't continue down the same path as her, and needs to go home.

He's come to accept that he is bipolar. He's internalized what his family has kept repeating, that he is just like Monica, and looking at her living like this, believing that she is living well, is terrifying to him.

So he goes home, believing that he is just like his mother, and he's doomed to be a piece of shit. He goes back, and he breaks up with Mickey. Because he doesn't think that people like him can be happy, and he doesn't think he'll be okay. And that isn't something that Mickey can change. Too much is wrong with him, and Mickey can't do anything about it.

Really, it's just a matter of Ian operating under the "if you love them, let them go" mindset, and Mickey interpreting it as a rejection. It's the two of them both believing they are not good enough for the other and internalizing it instead of properly communicating.

TL;DR: Ian's breakup with Mickey in S5E12 is not done in a healthy OR selfish mindset. To him, he will do nothing but drag Mickey down, and in his unmedicated and clearly altered state of mind, he thinks the best thing is to let him go.

Season Six: Dating Caleb and Other Blasphemy

The first time we see Mickey in season six, it's behind a pane of glass in an orange jumpsuit.

Mickey had tried to murder Sammi, Ian's half-sister, and had been sentenced to prison for 15 years. It's established that Ian has not been to visit Mickey much and is trying to move on past that time in his life. But, upon being bribed by Svetlana, Ian visits, and during this visit Mickey asks Ian a question:

"You gonna wait for me?" - Mickey to Ian, S6E1.

And when Ian shows hesitation:

"Fuckin' lie if you have to, man, eight years is a long time." - Mickey to Ian, S6E1.

So, Ian replies:

"Yeah. Yeah, Mick, I'll wait." - Ian to Mickey, S6E1.

Before even meeting Caleb, fans absolutely tear into Ian for his decision to not commit to Mickey in this moment. They call it selfish, or out of character, or unfair to ice Mickey out when he is going through this difficult time.

But, let's look at it from Ian's position.

Ian has dealt with abandonment issues his entire life, with both Monica and Frank being unstable and infrequent providers during his adolescence. Throughout his relationship with Mickey, they had been separated on three separate occasions, one of which was entirely voluntary on Mickey's part. Now, due to committing a major crime, Mickey has been sent away for up to fifteen years. They would both be in their thirties by the time Mickey would be released, or close to it if he got out early, and that's not even considering that he was actively taking part in jobs / activities that could extend his sentence, like stabbing people.

Ian has dealt with recurring disappointment and abandonment his entire life, and throughout their time together, Mickey hasn't really established himself as stable.

Now, before you bring out the pitchforks;

"But Mickey was there for Ian and supported him through seasons 4-5. He grew as a person and proved he IS reliable."

Yes, that's true. He did undergo massive development that allowed him to be a better partner and more reliable person to Ian. But, canonically that period of time only takes place over a few months.

Mickey, for the better part of 2-3 years, was NOT a good partner to Ian. Multiple years of an unsteady situationship is not so easily forgotten. Yes, Mickey 1000% had valid reasons for acting the way he did. It's made very clear in S3E6 and S4E11 why Mickey hides his sexuality and lashes out when forced to confront it. But that isn't an excuse. His reasons for acting in a negative way towards Ian the first three seasons is understandable, but he went about it in a bad way.

Not to mention that, despite his growth, Mickey has just been sent to PRISON. No matter how you spin it, his decision to go after Sammi was NOT justified and does not necessarily bring forth confidence in his reliability and stability.

It's not unreasonable for Ian to not want to wait for over a decade for a man who has not always been the best for him. It sucks as a viewer who is invested in them, but Ian was not in the wrong.

Beyond (justifiably) selfish reasons, Ian also already thought that he was bad for Mickey, was worried that he would ruin his life, and with Mickey's justification for his torture attempt being that he did it FOR Ian, that Sammi had it coming because of what she did TO Ian, Ian probably felt responsible for that as well. There was probably a level of guilt in Ian from the whole situation, both for Mickey being in prison and for leaving him there.

But from his point of view, it's better for everybody to try and move on.

What really bothers me about this criticism toward Ian is the sense that he OWED Mickey his time and loyalty. Because Mickey had given and sacrificed so much for Ian during seasons 4-5, it's like people think Ian is then obligated to return that for Mickey, no matter what Mickey did. It's a very transactional way to view the situation, and it just leaves me with an icky taste in my mouth. Nobody owes anybody anything in that situation. Ian does not owe Mickey companionship, and Mickey did not owe Ian support when he got put in prison in season 9. Returning to Ian was Mickey's decision to make, and not a decision Ian was obligated to make in season 6.

Now, onto the actual "dating other people" part of the conversation.

For months, Ian has done nothing but get his meds on track while working at Patsy's, then at the janitors job on Lip's campus. During this time, Ian expresses having a very low sense of self-worth.

"He as smart as you?"

"No."

"Yeah, he's smart."

"Lip is the genuis of the family."

"So that gives you an excuse for not finishing [high school]? You seem plenty smart, and Dav's uniform doesn't really suit you."

- Ian, Lip, and Professor Youens, S6E3

And:

"This is it for me, Lip. This job. This is where I land."

- Ian to Lip, S6E3

Which Lip comments on in a very concise way:

"Yknow, he thinks... Being bipolar means he's doomed to be a piece of shit like our mother."

- Lip about Ian, S6E3

Ian feels no sense of purpose during these months. He feels he has no worth and that he is doomed to work a dead-end job and have no happiness. He thinks he is just like Monica.

That only changes when he witnesses an accident on the highway, and he saves a woman's life by pulling her out of a burning car.

This leads us to Caleb.

Now I'll admit, this is where I take issue with the storytelling, because this would've been a PERFECT way to segue into Ian's EMT arc, but regardless of what I personally think would've been better, the way it plays out in canon does actually still make sense for Ian's character.

After saving the woman from the burning car, Ian collapses due to smoke inhalation and exhaustion. A firefighter on the scene provides Ian with oxygen, thus saving his life. Ian immediately fixates on this particular firefighter.

Now, Ian has a very complicated relationship with feeling his emotions post his diagnosis. In season five, when he is numbed by his meds, the only way for him to feel again is through pain, via self-harm or starting physical fights, and sex. In fact, sex plays a major part in many aspects of Ian's life.

From the age of fifteen, Ian had been consistently subject to sexual abuse. He's been used for his body by countless men throughout his teenage years and has been oftentimes reduced merely to his sexuality and what he can provide to his partner. Even Mickey, in season 2, tells Ian as such in a panicked rage.

"You think we're boyfriend and girlfriend here? You're nothing but a warm mouth to me."

- Mickey to Ian, S2E8.

(No, I'm not saying Mickey sexually abused Ian. But he did contribute to the way we see Ian default so heavily to objectifying and sexualizing himself.)

So, due to this recurring trauma, Ian has a tendency to default to sex as the primary way of getting satisfaction, be it emotional or physical.

So, when Ian gets a rush of adrenaline from the crash, after months of that numbness, he chases the emotions in the most effective way he knows how.

Ian goes to the firehouse with cookies to give as thanks to the firefighter who saved him, but with a clear ulterior motive of getting laid. When he finds out that the particular firefighter (who happens to be part of the "gay shift" which is an odd writing choice) he saw on the highway is married, Ian meets Caleb. In this scene, they speak all of one line to each other when Caleb invites Ian to a firehouse softball game. The next time we see them on screen together, Ian acts very flirtatious toward Caleb, which sets forth their relationship.

"You ever pitch?"

"... Usually, but I'm open depending on what you're into. Where we doing this?"

"Follow me."

[...]

"Wait, we're actually playing softball?"

- Ian and Caleb, S6E5

I think Ian receives hate for this simply because he's expressing interest in a guy that isn't Mickey. Fans get the impression that Ian is moving on too fast or that his interest in Caleb is sudden or rushed. However, I think the rushed nature actually works to show Ian's intentions. In this moment, Ian is not really looking for a full-on relationship. Given how little they interacted thus far, the fact that Caleb wasn't even who Ian was originally interested in, and how Ian's comments consistently err on the side of sexual, its safe to say Ian was just looking for a hookup. In fact, it's Caleb who pushes so hard FOR the relationship.

Mickey, in a deleted scene, hooks up with an inmate right after talking with Ian. If Ian's relationship with Caleb had only been a fling or hookup, I don't think Ian would've been as heavily criticized. As it is, fans get upset at this relationship because it IS a relationship. They go on dates, Ian starts staying with Caleb, and really they seem to be very domestic.

But I don't think Ian was as dedicated to the relationship with Caleb as fans make him out to be.

From the jump, Ian seems uncomfortable with the quick-moving pace of it. At first he only seems interested in sex with Caleb, but upon the negative reaction that provokes, Ian conceded to going on a date with Caleb (which is a bit of a slap in the face to Mickey fans after Gallavich's ruined date.)

"[...] I was hoping to get my hands on your hose."

"Is that what this is to you? A fuck?"

"You say it like it's a bad thing. Come on, let's get out of here."

"No. I knew you were younger than me, but I thought you were a grown-up."

"Fuck. Okay. Okay. Hey, I'm into you, alright? I thought you were into me."

"I am."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't stick my dick in just any guy."

"What do you want, then?"

"Seriously? Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Yeah."

"A date."

"With, like, flowers and chocolate and shit?"

"No, we could skip the flowers."

"Okay. You're on."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E5

(Side note, pulling a "is that all this is to you" after two non-romantic interactions is not just quick in terms of hookup culture, which Ian is more attuned to, but is quick in any terms. More on that later.)

During this date, Ian is visibly very uncomfortable. Some would chalk this up to him having never been on a date before, and the writing even seems to imply that,

"Okay, look, I have no idea what I'm doing. My last boyfriend wasn't much of a talker, his idea of a conversation was to insult me a bunch and then punch me right before we banged."

- Ian to Caleb, S6E6

but that's actually not true, DESPITE the writers forgetting that.

"You know, Mickey and I never went out on dates. Ned never took me out, Kash and I fucked in the back of a convenience store, and I don't think jerking off strangers in a nightclub counts, so..."

- Ian to Lip, S6E6.

He actually HAD gone out on a "date" with Ned in season three, where he was visibly less uncomfortable than on his date with Caleb. He also went to many loft parties during his time dancing at the club, wherein he blended in very well and was able to sorta chameleon himself with the northside crowd. I think the show wants us to believe his discomfort is from him "never having been on a date before" or being unfamiliar with a "slower" pace, but I think his discomfort actually would stem from him just genuinely not being interested in Caleb in a romantic way, and thus feeling awkward on a date that's in a more romantic setting (compared to his one with Ned, which was undoubtedly more sexual.)

I also think his discomfort stems from being completely out of his element. Ian has taken a massive hit to his confidence since his diagnosis, so his Southside roots bring about a bit more hesitancy in him than it might have before, and he may be less confident in his ability to chameleon. That's why, during the date, Ian shows discomfort with Caleb when he shows more "class" than Ian.

"Usually, I get a bunch of apps to share. You good with that?"

"[Uncertain hum] ... Appetizers! Sure, yeah, big- big fan of apps."

[...]

"You seem like a very pensive kinda guy. You an only child?"

"Uh, no."

"Brothers and sisters?"

"A bunch, yeah."

"Older or younger?"

"Both."

"What about your parents? Both still alive?"

"... Yeah."

"... Fantastic. I'm learning so much."

[...]

"Where I'm from, people communicate with their fists."

"Where's that?"

"Southside."

"Mmm. Hands of steel. Okay, so you're a street rat. A brawler."

"Is that a problem?"

"Only if you make it one."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E6.

Then, beyond their first date, we have the actual relationship to dive into.

Throughout his scenes with Caleb, Ian seems to oscillate between neutrality, discomfort, or mild enjoyment in the situations he finds himself in.

There's this interaction, for example, where Ian lets Caleb take charge in defining their relationship:

"So what are we doing?"

"Whatever you want, I guess."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E7.

Or this moment:

"What are you smiling at?"

"I like having you over here. What are you smiling at?"

"I like having a purpose."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E8.

Or when Caleb invites Ian out with his friends, and we see Ian slip into his chameleon persona, mirroring the petty mannerisms of the most vocal participant of the conversation, as well as avoiding diving too much into his personal history.

"You haven't told me which one is your ex."

"Guess."

"Old guy, pink sweater."

"How'd you know?"

"Ooh, a redhead, Caleb? Does his carpet match his drapes?"

"You're a good sport."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E8.

[...]

"If we had known you were bringing a middle school student, Caleb, we wouldn't have come to a place that cards."

"Oh, no, it's cool, I don't drink. I hear it makes your skin old and leathery."

"That's-that's how we're playing this?"

"Hey, you threw down first."

"Where you from, kid?"

"Back of the Yards."

"Local boy. What's your story?"

"Story?"

"Who you are, what you do, how did you meet this chocolate bundt cake?"

"Met him at the firehouse."

- Ian and Gregory, S6E8

[...]

"We like this one, Caleb. Don't we, Gregory?"

"I mean, If young, beautiful, and kind of a smartass is something to like, sure, fine, I guess we do."

- Caleb's friends about Ian, S6E8.

OR, in a deleted scene where Caleb expresses frustration at Ian keeping the distance between him and Ian's family, as well as Ian's lack of communication, while Ian seems unbothered or even perplexed by Caleb's frustration.

"So, where'd you sleep last night?"

"Home. Got done at three, told you I'd be late."

"Yeah, like nighttime late, not next day late."

"Well, I didn't wanna wake you, and I had to go back there to grab some stuff: clothes, towels..."

"Where's there?"

"Home, you mean?"

"Yeah."

"Back of the Yards."

"Right. You did mention that once. I still don't know where it is or who I'd call if there was an emergency?"

"Uh... my brother, I guess? Or my sister."

"Brother or sister. Okay. I'll just track down Ian Gallagher's brother or sister on the internet."

"I'll... put their numbers in your phone."

"Great."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E11 deleted scene.

OR any of the follwing:

When they go to get Ian tested for STDs, he is visibly uncomfortable having Caleb in the room with him.

He is only comfortable revealing his bipolar disorder if it is done in exchange for another secret from Caleb.

He isn't very comfortable sharing his past, only references his previous relationship in a lighthearted manner, and he only reveals his sexual history upon feeling pressured to do so, which he purposefully presents in a callous way.

To me, the entirety of Ian and Caleb's relationship reads as Ian's desperation for validation through sex, which leads to him putting up with a relationship he isn't entirely comfortable in or commited to or ready for. To me, it seems like he's truly just looking for companionship in any way he can get it.

Out of everything, though, I think what really gets to fans most about this storyline is the constant comparison of Caleb to Mickey as a means of demonizing Mickey.

Throughout the entirety of Ian and Caleb's relationship, there is a constant comparison between the two relationships, seemingly with the intent of painting Mickey as a horrible partner.

When Ian tells Lip about his upcoming date with Caleb, he remarks that he never went on dates with Mickey, which comes off as an unnecessary jab.

During his date with Caleb, Ian talks about his lack of effective communication skills, which reflects negatively on Mickey, to the point Caleb brings forward the idea of domestic abuse.

During the wedding that Ian attends with Caleb, Ian mentions Mickey's marriage to Svetlana, and he uses a tone that comes off as belittling the situation and how difficult it was for Mickey.

There's this line, when Caleb asks Ian to kiss for the first time:

"Can I kiss you?"

"I thought kissing comes after you've had sex a bunch of times."

"Ian, kissing comes whenever you want it to. Even now."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E6.

Then, there's Mandy stating that Caleb was better than Mickey.

"A hot black fireman. Also an artist."

"Upgrade from my brother."

"I miss Mickey, but uh... This new guy's nice."

- Ian and Mandy, S6E9

These near constant comparisons to Mickey are frustrating to fans, because it can often feel like Ian, or even just the writers and the narrative, are trying to belittle Mickey's character and reduce him to a one-note toxic ex, which completely spits in the face of the development that he went through. THAT is what is most frustrating to fans.

Because it's true that Mickey was not always the best partner. In real life, Mickey would be a walking red flag, and Gallavich would be undeniably toxic. But that applies to EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER in Shameless. That is the entire point of the show. None of them are particularly good people. They all do shitty things, but they all have compelling reasons for doing it. That's why we can look at these characters and feel connected to them instead of just absolutely hating them.

It's a really odd writing choice for a show that focuses on morally gray characters, or the idea that nobody in the show is really a good person, to decide to play moral high ground in this particular instance, and have Ian suddenly turn his nose up at Mickey's behaviors.

But is this really how Ian feels?

Because, as established, Ian is VERY good at playing chameleon. He is good at shaping himself into whatever a partner wants him to be. He mirrors his partners mannerisms, beliefs, and attitudes.

And Caleb, for all that the story wants to make us believe he's better than Mickey, is actually not the best partner either. Not just for cheating on Ian in season seven and then gaslighting Ian about it; he shows some toxic behaviors in season six as well, including being lowkey judgmental about Ian's Southside roots.

Take, for example, Caleb implying that the Southside is trash, but that he can see the beauty in Ian despite being from the Southside:

"That's my latest. I love to find the treasure inside the trash. Trying to find the secret life in things. What it wants to be instead of what it is."

"Is that what you're doing with me?"

"Good question. Can I kiss you?"

- Ian and Caleb, S6E6

(Which, funnily enough, this line from Caleb goes pretty against the sentiment that Monica had in season five, of Ian finding somebody who loves Ian for who he already is, as Mickey did.)

Or, for another example, Caleb judging Ian pretty heavily during the softball game for being "not grown-up." Simply because Ian expresses sexual interest in him above romantic.

"Cmon, let's get out of here."

"No. I knew you were younger than me, but I thought you were a grown-up."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E5.

Which, as I pointed out before, is really strange behavior. Participating in hookup culture isn't something that Ian needs to be shamed over. There's a sentiment of "Hooking up is beneath me, it's immature," to Caleb's tone, which is unfair. Now, he has reasons for this, that being his experience with getting HIV from a hookup who lied to him, which draws a pretty interesting parallel to Ian.

"Don't worry, guy I did the scene with said he was clean."

"He didn't use a rubber? Are you out of your fucking mind?"

- Ian and Mickey, S5E5.

Vs.

"Guy in college. He lied to me."

- Caleb to Ian, S6E8.

(Which I actually find to be a very interesting plot point and is actually a pretty good scene.)

So, while Caleb was not wrong to put forth a boundary by not hooking up, he was wrong for acting as if IAN was the problem in the situation. Not to mention, his behavior at the game is very strange when taken into account how little they've interacted thus far. He had understandable reasons for his negative reaction, but he went about it the wrong way. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Anyways, I could talk about the relationship between Ian and Caleb more, but that's not what the point of this is.

The point I'm trying to make is that Caleb, however covertly, expresses a negative or biased view toward the Southside lifestyle. And Ian, being the type to mimic his partners, follows along in that.

Ian already fears that he is going to be left. He is afraid that showing Caleb who he really is and not being the idealized version of himself will lead to Caleb breaking up with him.

"I'm enjoying it while it lasts."

"You think he'll dump you?"

"Well, I've told him I'm bipolar, and my family's screwed up, and he took it pretty well. But it's one thing to hear it and another to live it, so... We shall see."

- Ian and Mandy, S6E9

So, he chameleons. He makes himself the treasure in the trash. He distances himself from the image of a brooding, Southside street rat.

Because, after so long of constant pain and numbness during and post his diagnosis, Caleb is the first good thing he's found.

"I haven't been this happy in a long time."

- Ian to Caleb, S6E8.

And really, everything that I just talked about doesn't matter when you think about it that way.

No matter how dedicated or invested Ian was in his relationship with Caleb, it still provided him with companionship and validation, which as we know, is something that Ian has an unhealthy dependence on to find self-worth.

And I don't think Ian was wrong in searching for that connection simply because that connection wasn't with Mickey. He could've been well and truly in love with Caleb, and he wouldn't deserve some of the hate he receives for his canon actions.

It's easy to look at Ian's relationship with Caleb and get frustrated because of all the time that was put into Ian and Mickey's relationship. But beyond the instinctual negative feeling that comes with seeing Ian with anybody other than Mickey, his relationships outside of Mickey deserve to be analyzed and observed for what they actually do for HIS character, and not just immediately cast aside as unnecessary or ooc.

So, to summarize:

Firstly, Ian wasn't selfish for not waiting 15 years for somebody in prison. Whether he was serious about Caleb or not, Ian was under no obligation to dedicate himself to Mickey. Ian did not owe Mickey anything simply because Mickey was there for Ian when shit got tough. If they had been together, sure, Ian would've been a lot shittier for leaving Mickey alone. But as it was, they were broken up, and even if they hadn't been, Ian would've had every right to not want to continue seeing Mickey after his decision to harm Sammi, just as Lip was justified in not wanting to be with Mandy anymore after she ran over Karen.

Secondly, Ian dating Caleb wasn't bad for his character. In fact, I think their relationship in season six was actually a very interesting way to progress Ian's character and get more insight into his mind and how he operates.

Thirdly, Ian and Caleb's relationship deserves to be analyzed for what it is, rather than what it isn't. Just because Ian is not with Mickey doesn't mean that he doesn't undergo some huge development in this season, both in and outside his relationship with Caleb. Furthermore, Ian entering a new relationship gives us the opportunity to see more sides of his character, and as such the relationship should be analyzed as it's own separate entity, and not just as a hurdle in the way of Gallavich.

Fourth, Ian was not just waiting to cast Mickey aside to jump on the next dick possible. I've seen this criticism before, and when looking at his actual arc at the beginning of S6 and analyzing his general character, that's just simply not true. Entering a new relationship is not equal to immediately disregarding Mickey.

TL;DR: The hate Ian gets from this season mainly stems from "Ian date somebody aside from Mickey, bad Ian" without any further thought behind why he enters the relationship and what the relationship actually means to him. There is no separation in the minds of fans between Ian and Mickey, and therefore, Ian having experiences and an identity outside of Mickey is negatively perceived.

Season Seven: Putting His Own Wellbeing First

This one will be less long winded than the previous one, because I have less to say on it, honestly.

During the entirety of Ian's bipolar arc, it is pretty clearly shown that to maintain mental wellness, Ian needs stability.

When Mickey shows up and asks Ian to run away with him to Mexico, that's threatening to uproot every amount of stability Ian has managed to secure the past two seasons of the show.

I honestly don't see as much hate directed toward Ian for his decision to leave Mickey at the border as I see for his previous decisions. I'd say the main thing I actually see directed toward this season is just that Ian's story is boring without Mickey in it. Mostly because he enters another new relationship with Trevor after his relationship with Caleb, which really just follows the cyclical Shameless cycle of, "Don't know what to do with a character? Give them a new love interest!" But because I talked about the judgement for non-Gallavich Ian relationships above, I don't particularly feel like doing a deep dive into the Ian and Trevor relationship in this meta.

What I want to talk about relates to the Mickey Mexico storyline, though, and that's the hate other characters recieve for trying to dissuade Ian from going.

After finding out that Mickey escaped from prison, Fiona and Ian have the following conversation:

"What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep. You ever, uh, think about about what would've happened if you'd run off with Jimmy-Steve?"

"Lying sociopath Jimmy-Steve? My life would be a nonstop psycho-thriller. I definitely dodged a bullet with that one."

"What if nothing ever gives you that same thrill again? Still feel like you dodged a bullet?"

"I don't know. Probably. Where's this coming from?"

"Things have been weird between me and Trevor since Mickey got out."

"You mean since Mickey busted out of prison and has got half the Chicago Police Department circling the Southside looking for him."

"Can't get him out of my head. Just trying to stop myself from doing something I shouldn't."

"You turned your life around. Mickey would set a match to it. You've done really great without him, and I'm really fucking proud of you."

- Ian and Fiona, S7E10.

I've seen this conversation criticized many times because of how "unfairly" Mickey is treated in this scene. But I truly think that nothing said in this scene was wrong, and Fiona was 100% right.

In the past, Fiona has definitely shown a prejudice against the Milkovich family before. Specifically with Mandy, Fiona seems to look down upon her and disapproves of the relationship between her and Lip. This on its own is unfair treatment and is annoying to witness.

But in this particular case, absolutely nothing she is saying is wrong or biased simply because Mickey is a Milkovich.

People take the line, "Mickey would set a match to it," and compare it to his behavior in late Season 4 through season 5, where Mickey is taking care of Ian, and say that Fiona is being untruthful or hypocritical. If Mickey had never been sent to prison, or even if he had just been released legally, and Ian was simply thinking about cheating on Trevor and getting back with Mickey instead of running away with him, then the criticism toward Fiona would be more justified. But as it is, Mickey is a wanted fugitive, and Ian running away with him would make Ian a fugitive as well, and WOULD effectively set a match to the life Ian had spent the past two seasons working toward. He would be giving up a career he worked hard for and fought to have, he'd be living in stressful conditions on the run, he'd have no support system, and he would have less ease of access to his medication. Running with Mickey would have been the wrong decision for Ian's wellbeing, and honestly, Mickey should never have asked Ian to go with him.

I think that many people have rose colored glasses on when it comes to Gallavich, specifically with Mickey, and that makes it harder to view these moments unbiased. But, looking at it objectively, Mickey was so wrong for asking Ian to come with him to Mexico. He KNOWS that Ian needs stability with his bipolar diagnosis, and he KNOWS that this would be a stressful life he'd be forcing Ian into.

Simply put, he's acting selfishly in that moment. Having your own interests in mind is not always a bad thing, but in this specific case, Mickey would have thrown a huge wrench into Ian's life is Ian hadn't made decisions in HIS best interest.

Again, I have less to say on this as I did other subjects, because to me it feels much more cut and dry. Mickey was in the wrong here 100%, Fiona was not being wrongfully judgmental toward Mickey, and Ian was not in the wrong for not going with Mickey.

After so long of seeing them apart, it makes sense to want to see them together again. So when Ian, again, is the one making the decision to end their relationship, fans are going to lash out at him and those around him.

But it's important to put aside biases and allow your favorite character to be in the wrong occasionally. Mickey is not perfect, and criticism against him, both from characters in the show and fans, is not unfounded nor unjustified.

TL;DR: Mickey was wrong for asking Ian to uproot his life and run to Mexico, and calling that out isn't defamation of his character.

To End This Yap Session:

Ian is by no means a faultless character, and he is not exempt from criticism both inside and outside of his relationship with Mickey. However, I often feel that the criticism he faces is for the wrong reasons, and not much contemplation or exploration is done on him as much as it is for Mickey.

I love Mickey. He's an amazingly complex character, and his relationship with Ian is one of my favorite parts of the show. But in being a complex character, he is also an imperfect character.

I feel that many fans get very protective over their favorite characters, to the point that anything that goes against that character's interests is labeled as bad, and any criticism toward his character is disregarded immediately.

In this particular case of Gallavich, I feel that post season three, fans often see things from Mickey's point of view without looking at Ian's as much. This meta was simply to give my own thoughts on Ian's most "controversial" moments among fans. Obviously this is mostly condensed to season six and his relationship with Caleb, which I feel is the biggest example of jumping to conclusions and only seeing the surface level of his character.

However, I would like to acknowledge that Ian is also an insanely popular character in the Shameless fandom. While he is misunderstood in many instances, he is given much more sympathy and understanding than many other characters in the show, especially many of the female characters. This long-winded meta is only focused on the concerning tendency for fans to link Ian's identity to Mickey entirely without allowing him to be an individual, but a majority of the time he is still a beloved character who is treated favorably by fans. Compared to a character like Debbie, Ian sees much more support, and I feel that the energy I put toward this meta and trying to understand Ian should also be applied to (almost) EVERY character in the show.

Anyways feel free to leave thoughts.

[utilitycaster]

I wasn’t around the fandom back in C2, but I know some people didn’t like that the Nein kind of ignored the war and didn’t follow that thread Matt laid out. Was this a widespread enough critique of the campaign to where it would possibly be influencing the players to follow Matt’s premise and threads more here, despite playing ill suited characters? Not looking for this as justification for this campaign's problems, to be clear, just kind of reaching for an explanation for the timidity here. I feel like I’m watching players be too polite to say "actually, we just really don't care if the gods are here or not" but not wanting to harsh Matt's story concept.

Hi anon,

This is a good question, and I think the answer is ultimately "I don't know", but I do want to take you through my thought process which I hope is helpful. The short answer is, however, that while this is interesting to speculate on (this is a good post doing so) I don't ultimately need to know. External factors can influence a work, clearly, but I think that needs to be taken on a case-by-case basis and in this case, an explanation for the timidity doesn't really address that I don't care for it.

Firstly: I think the fandom's influence on player choices is probably overstated. I think that fan influence was something of a concern in Campaign 1, when the fandom was much smaller, the cast was much more hands-on, and, for example, for a lot of the earlier episodes the chat was literally on the YouTube videos so if they went to rewatch their own work they'd see that. Matt used to drop into the Reddit. People who were fans in 2015 and early 2016 would email or DM cast or crew and get direct messages. That's really no longer the case, and hasn't been for a very long time.

I can't speak to the fandom at large's feelings on the war plot in Campaign 2 while it was actually airing. I have seen it brought up a lot by Campaign 2 detractors after the fact, but I don't do Reddit or Twitter and during Campaign 2 I didn't really go into the main tag much until fairly late. Personally, I feel a lot of people lean on the "they didn't follow the war plot" only because Matt revealed in the wrap-up that he had something planned for the Augen Trust, but there was absolutely no way for the cast to know it. Additionally, I think my feeling about this is "their avoidance was a very clear decision that was true to their characters." When the party first leaves Zadash, it is specifically because they are low-level and explicitly want to get out of town before the war leads to heightened security. Nott is at the time a goblin and not treated as a citizen of the Empire. Molly, Yasha, Fjord, and Jester aren't imperial citizens either. Beau hates authority, and Caleb has extremely good reasons (having just seen Trent) to get as far away from anything relating to the Empire's government. After their mission to Shady Creek run, they are grieving and decide to go someplace where a few of them feel at home, and also pursue the note from Avantika they found. They avoid the war because it makes perfect sense for that group of characters to do; and then they eventually go to Xhorhas and see the war from the other perspective! They don't even avoid it; they just engage in a way that is very different from how Matt originally envisioned, and is, again, very true to their characters (Nott wanting to save Yeza; Caleb wanting to avoid imprisonment and being willing to hand over the beacon to do so). The Mighty Nein very much followed available plot hooks at every turn; they might have been different plot hooks than some people wanted, but they were very much making choices based on who they were as characters at each juncture.

I also think that the characters leaning into "we don't really care" early on would have actually been a great move and one Matt could adapt to. I think that might have actually led to him trying to, for example, encourage a focus on either "Predathos is an existential threat that is leading Ludinus to commit multiple atrocities, and killing him will still leave the temptation intact for another Ludinus to arise"; or "well, how about we give you time to explore your own pasts and your own homes and get perspectives from the common people of Exandria and then decide from a humanist perspective". The problem isn't that they may or may not release Predathos or may or may not destroy the gods; it's that their motivations are at best either solipsistic or barely existent and so it's hard to care about anything because the party feels dragged along by a plot they don't care about. They're not even choosing the plot actively; they're just sort of shuffling slowly forward through it.

Now, here's my opinion: I think that even if the fandom were critical of Campaign 2 (and while some people are, it is openly and widely beloved, and I think the cast are familiar with the idea that you cannot make everyone happy), I don't think listening to the fandom is necessarily correct. I think that, in fact, listening too much to the fandom and trying to please whoever is loudest or most unpleasant or threatening or flattering or worse still, multiple of these groups, will nearly always make your art weak.

There's choices where I think the context of said choice is important: I'm a little softer now on the party not having time to mourn FCG in-game than I was at the time because I can understand feeling really bad about and uncomfortable with, essentially, holding a memorial for a character played by your friend currently in cancer treatment. I understand why it happened. I do not blame the cast for making that choice. I do think, however, it does make a weaker story. I would not walk up to Matt Mercer and say "this sucked and you shouldn't have done this" but just because there's a good external reason doesn't mean it was necessarily executed well in game. This may sound cold to some. I don't particularly care; I'm writing this about how criticism from random strangers means very little to me.

I feel very strongly that you should not play to your haters. This comes up a lot when we talk about the misogynistic death threats that Marisha received, and for what it's worth I think Marisha has at all times handled this well and any criticism I have of her characters isn't related to her being overly timid. I really do, as a woman myself, understand that one's safety is paramount, and I would never demand an artist put themselves at risk (though many choose to, and often that work is excellent). But *Dessa Fire Drills voice* that's not, in my opinion, a way to live. It's a delicate and exhausting balance but avoiding making bold moves because the worst fucking guy on the internet will call you a slur is letting him win and he'll call you the slur anyway.

Maybe this isn't a great way to be, and I was not born this way so much as found it through some rough experiences when I was younger, but if someone's never going to be happy with you, or even if their idea of what is acceptable is so vanishingly narrow that you will have to fold yourself up to fit into it, don't you want to 1. focus then on making yourself happy and 2. not worry about pissing them off and indeed maybe even court it a little so long as it doesn't conflict with what you would want if they were out of the picture?

So I don't want to say there's no explanation ever that will make me feel a little more understanding; but "this work isn't great because of external factors beyond the creators' control" doesn't fix the fact that the work isn't great. It's not their fault in that case! But like...you know the college myth of "if your roommate dies you get straight As for the semester"? It's untrue there and it's untrue here. I will be more sympathetic to the artist; but the art still isn't good and I'm not going to pretend like it is.

[deramin2]

I think anyone complaining about Bell's Hells morality as we near the end of Critical Role Campaign 3 and whether they truly get to claim they're representatives of the Exandrian people should go watch How To Blow Up A Pipeline (2022) about direct action environmental rights activists. And the documentary Hit & Stay (2013) about the anti-Vietnam War Catholic Far Left activists while you're at it. Or The Trial of the Catonsville Nine (1972) which is based on a play written by one of the priests profiled in Hit & Stay about their trial (grandstanding in the trial was one of the intents of being arrested).

It turns out that when you're not in a binary morality unquestioned heroism YA novel that what is justified in fighting systems of oppression and what the right thing to do is actually becomes hard to determine and largely driven by internal feelings and rage at injustice.

Who determines who gets to have a big say? Who determines what actions are justified when no one will listen to the harm being done? Who determines what is overall the more harmful action? Especially when you can't know the future except that there is no option where tremendous harm is not done. Who determines which step along any road is "right" or even "wise?" Especially when they are taken one by one by specific people who are swept up by the events of their own lives and not predetermined by an all-seeing all-knowing Author writing backwards from the ending?

Playing a game isn't the same as acting in the real world at great personal cost, but real life is a kind of improv. Long form improv doesn't start with how the ending should get tied up. It's about how every single split second decision adds up to a cumulative finale. Things not turning out how you'd have played them out if you already knew everything and were living someone else's life is what reality is like.

The normal state of affairs is people making decisions you don't agree with. "They shouldn't have done that" is boring and useless analysis that shuts down further thought and dismisses what anyone else has to say. "Why did they do that" is what media literacy is about. Campaign 3 was never heroic fantasy (arguably C1 & C2 weren't either). It's a character study in people doing what they feel they must in the moment it's happening without any assurances at all that it's the right thing. It's about not having confidence and surety but having to act anyway. That's the entire point.

How To Blow Up A Pipeline (2022) is a great expression of that same dynamic. They have enough confidence to keep telling each other this is the most necessary action they can take because they don't know what the future looks like, but one where they did nothing isn't one they can stand to live through. Is blowing up this pipeline in the way they are planning to the best possible course of action morally and strategically? Literally nobody knows that. They can't possibly know that. It only matters that these people got to that point, and now it's all happening flaws and all. For love, for revenge, for discord in the face of a society that acts like this is normal. A bunch of righteous fuckups just trying to survive in a harsh world made harsher by the status quo.

If nearly 437 hours of game play was too much to sit through to get that point across, maybe 104 minutes will work better.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

This is how you do it if you wanna do it, you take the BEST, change it up and OWN it, don't emulate shit, don't copy the miss, just the hits, and then ELEVATE 'EM. Otherwise, you're just a bad copycat who does not even own her own style and those are the STYLIST'S job and RESPONSIBILITY precisely. To see that vision and make it happen, that is exactly what they are actually getting paid to do. If they fail at it and it becomes more about whether or not the look worked or about what can be salvaged out of it, like maybe accessories or hair or make up, and not about being even more iconic and event-appropriate (timing matters) than the muse that inspired that outfit herself, then THE STYLIST simply failed to do their job. Period.

Danielle Goldberg is fully inconsistent and never puts her client's broader fashion perception at the top of her list of priorities. She dresses her clients to cause a commotion or to fly under the radar but never to be unequivocally and consistently praised across the board, without compromising versatility, of course, because we are talking about fashion. Her colleagues try to do that with their clients though, because they know it's not about their careers but their clients'. Law is the best example, that is why Zendaya doing with Cher (AND FUCKING NAILING IT) what Ayo tried to do with Julia, is in the pics I chose to illustrate this.

That is HER decision —Danielle's, on how to handle HER OWN career and she has been consistent with that career approach for years, she doesn't care, because her clients are the ones who take the heat, not her directly. That is why her ideal client is the new kid on the block, young Hollywood rising stars with 0 fashion expertise prior to working with her, no seasoned star would ever go for Danielle Goldberg and when her clients reach that status, they outgrow her AND LEAVE HER. THANK DOG.

CAN'T FUCKING WAIT!

I spend a day away and come back to an absolute gag! Zendaya and Law have done it once again!

[turquoisemagpie]

Appreciate the little things.

Not to ignorantly deny all of the big bad things in the world, but to survive them.

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good

[lord-squiggletits]

Something else that makes me sympathetic to Pharma's situation is like. Idk if there's an actual term for this or if someone smarter and more academic wrote it about some real life context that actually matters.

But, so we've already established among Pharma stans that the circumstances at Delphi were blackmail/torture with no real way out that wouldn't involve Pharma being responsible for people getting killed (either killing patients for the deal or having everyone die bc he failed his end of the deal).

And I feel like while "he's still in the wrong because he killed people" is part of it, another sort of implicit part is the idea that Pharma should've been willing to take more personal risk, maybe even risk dying? I mean, Ratchet does ask "why didn't you just detonate it near the DJD" (to which Pharma responds that he did try to get Sonic and Boom to do it, but they refused) so like

Idk I feel like we do have this social notion of martyrs as a very romantic ideal, people you can praise for being so brave and strong and righteous that they ended their own lives for their cause, while you can also coo about how sad and tragic it is that dying is what it took for them to do the right thing. But at the same time I feel like in reality, having an expectation that people become martyrs is kind of a toxic social norm bc like. It's very easy to demand that others sacrifice their lives for some Ultimate Moral Good when you yourself aren't experiencing the same hardships as they are. And ultimately it is kind of fucked up to tell someone "the moral thing you should've done was risk your life/kill yourself" because asking someone to pay their life to do the right thing is no small request. And sure, the typical response would be to call them a "coward" for caring more about saving their own skin instead of doing the right thing... but again, death is a really scary thing and self-preservation is a really strong instinct, so it kind of feels like having this binary view of "you're either a Brave Hero who sacrifices your life for everyone else or a Dirty Coward who's too scared of dying to do what's right" is kind of fucked up?

I guess the best way to describe it is that if someone willingly gives up their life as a sacrifice to others, it can be a noble thing because it's a choice they made willingly, but if it becomes a Moral Standard that in order to be a Good Person you have to be unafraid of throwing your life away and if you aren't willing to die you're a Cowardly Bad Person, that's when it becomes toxic.

Idk, I guess how this ties back to Pharma is that he was never in a position where he expected to make these kinds of moral decisions/ultimatums. He's a doctor who doesn't even get into combat, his job is to heal and not to kill, he's behind the front lines in a hospital that's supposed to be a safe, neutral place for him to heal people. So in the face of suddenly having a "murder people on behalf of me, or I murder everyone you swore to protect" ultimatum thrust upon him, I understand why Pharma wasn't """"""""""brave enough"""""""""" to "do the right thing" (whatever that would've been in the case of Delphi). You could argue that maybe a frontliner soldier accepted the burden of possibly dying for their cause and they've become used to it as someone who lives that reality every single day, but I feel like for Pharma, who's a doctor and a protected non-combatant (from what we can tell), that sort of risking of his life/living with the fact his life could be snuffed out any day isn't something he would've been prepared for at all.

And for me personally, from an outsider's perspective, it strikes me as kind of unethical to go "oh well he should've just detonated the bomb himself even if it killed him" bc again, there's a difference between witnessing a moral conundrum as a bystander versus being the person living with it and being under time pressure where it's do-or-die. Just as part of my personal standards, I feel like death is such a huge consequence/burden of someone's actions (literally you are no longer alive, any potential you had left is cut short, you cease to exist on this plane) that it feels rather callous to go "Well you should've just been willing to die for your beliefs if you really cared that much!!!"

[hamofjustice]

y'know, sometimes I focus a lot on the implications of Juliana/Florian maybe possibly being Nemona's official Greatest Treasure for the semester but not fully confirmed as such, or the undertones of her wanting them to promise to be "rivals for life," when I rant er I mean discuss how it'd be really messed up if she got left behind when they transferred to Blueberry Academy in The Indigo Disc

but I can't believe "I've relished every day since you moved here" is an actual unedited line she says. I just assumed I had embellished that one in my head. nope. there's no way to misread that, no embellishment needed, she just says it! and then gets kind of embarrassed about it and she says she's gonna blush when they say either variation of "you too"

not to be like "there is no platonic explanation for this," because there totally is, but if she's going to be shipped with anyone I think it's really hard to justify it being with anyone else as long as the player character is in the picture