#but one of my friends mentioned something related to RE and i just fell down the rabbit hole all over again

[incessantlark]

eef wieners...

[writingrenna]

Brassius x GN!Reader

"A Wandering Mind"

The reader is VERY awkward and is afraid of Brassius rejecting their attempts at getting closer to him. Watch as they catastrophize basic interactions and almost reject themselves!

Reader is gender neutral and a HUGE softie for Brassius. Also, no language will hint at your appearance, the closest being the mention/hinting at that you're an adult.

No mention of what your Pokémon is/are, but you have at least one. Could be a whole team, though!

Tone/Ending: Slight Angst, Wholesome, Open-ended (Brassius is already fond of you, and you two finally talk as friends instead of just fellow fans of Pokémon and the art world. Reader has B A G G A G E relating to not fitting in with the norm/people finding them weird, and Brassius is slightly more vulnerable than usual. Can be seen as platonic or the start of romance)

Warnings: None other than a very socially awkward reader who seems to flip-flop on their confidence in themselves. Also, first fanfic in, like, YEARS, so this is more to warm myself up some #brassiushasmeinachokehold

Words: Somewhere around 6,000

-*-

You watch from afar as the man wildly paces in front of the Artazon Gym. You were thoroughly acquainted with the spiky-haired sculptor, having beaten his gym a while ago, but you still occasionally checked back in to view his latest pieces.

Truth be told, his art fascinated you. Sure, it was very... as he'd put it before, "avant-garde," but it really did tickle your brain in a way you couldn't quite put your finger on. You had always wondered what went through his mind whenever inspiration struck, but apparently, right now, it was a lot.

You took a deep breath before finally taking a few steps forward, wishing to calm the man down and lessen the burden of, well, whatever he was fighting himself on at the moment. You couldn't help but consider that maybe this was just a part of the process. But then again, he seemed truly stumped, even adding a stray hand gesture toward the sky from time to time as he vaguely mouthed something. Was he mumbling? Was he trying to sort something important out? Was he almost done with this "ritual" of sorts? Oh Gods, what if you ended up ruining his flow? You didn't want to be the reason he fell into another depression.

You try to turn back when suddenly, you hear your name called. Freezing in place, you turn back to see him. He was still in the same position he was when you started to make your leave, as if he'd stopped in his tracks, but his head was tilted towards you, an unmistakable smile plastered on his face. You even saw a bit of teeth in that grin.

"Oh! Afternoon, Brassius! I... uh, I'm sorry if I disturbed you, I was just checking back in on the local art scene... y'know..."

You make an awkward hand movement similar to jazz hands that doesn't actually convey anything discernable. Brassius, however, seems to fully understand, sitting up straight(er) and turning his entire body as he strode over to fully greet you.

"Ah, yes, another one of your art tours! I do look forward to these, I appreciate someone who wishes to fully feel the art they're consuming."

You made a small "ah-" noise, caught off guard by his casual confession. He looked forward to seeing you? Like, specifically you?? He didn't seem nervous at all saying it, so you decided to lock that thought away.

"Yeah! I do, um, like, doing that? Um-"

You looked towards the ground, realizing you were too distracted to properly take in and respond to what he said. You really analyzed every little thing this man did, didn't you?

"I-I'm sorry, sir. My mind has been all over the place today."

His smile faltered and fell for a split second. So fast, you didn't even notice as you looked back up at him. But a softer smile replaced his previous beam. He placed his right hand under his chin in deep thought, fidgeting with the whip on his side with the other, something he seemed to do a lot.

"Ah, do not apologize for a racing mind! It was not meant to be restrained. We're all searching for meaning in this big, mysterious world of ours, whether it is through discovery, creativity, or even simply sorting through feelings from within."

Your face felt a wave of warmth as you took in his words. You couldn't help but notice, again, that he seemed... softer? In his word choice there? You'd almost say he got that from Hassel, although you know this is something he personally deals with. Either way, you appreciated his comforting pearl of wisdom.

"Thanks, Brassius." you started, beaming back at him. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

-*-

You sat up the next morning, bleary-eyed and confused. 'What will today have to offer me?' You wondered to yourself as you stretched with a yawn, feeling your whole body shake a little from the unexpected intensity.

"Woah, Ok," you muttered to yourself, suddenly wide-eyed. You were certainly awake now.

After getting ready for the day, you decided to head out. But where? You were taking things slow during the Treasure Hunt. Something told you that letting the kids of the academy have their time in the spotlight would be nice. Plus, you really weren't sure what your treasure would even be. You hadn't really had a set dream even when applying for the academy the previous summer, and you still didn't have an idea of what to do once the fall semester started and you were already accepted.

But enough of those thoughts, this is a good chance to walk around, let your mind wander. Wherever your heart took you, you'd go, allowing it to take the lead.

-*-

"Ah." You said, looking up at the giant windmill of Artazon in the distance. Of course. 'At this point, it's probably just because it's so close by comparison.' You assume.

You walked forward, glancing around at your surroundings. You see a man ordering toppings at Deli Cioso, an older couple walking along the pathway in the upper part of town, and a little girl staring up at one of the Surrendering Sunflora statues at the entrance with her companion, a Shroomish, but other than that...

You sigh.

Wait, what were you expecting to see...? Ah well, better keep wandering.

As you walked around, you heard hushed whispers. You couldn't help but wonder if it's gossip. Brassius did seem rather preoccupied yesterday. Perhaps he's in the throughs of inspiration? Like, 'Stay up until 3am and wake up at 6 am' type of inspiration? The type that keeps you going no matter what nature or Dialga has to say about it? Yeah. You couldn't help but shake your head at the thought, although an amused smirk crept onto your face as you did so.

You jogged up the stairs again. Mindlessly wandering around Artazon certainly didn't give you career ideas, but it did work up an appetite. You started to make your way over to the Artisan Bakery, craving a jam and cream cheese sandwhich for you and your Pokémon. As you briskly sprinted across town, however, you heard a yelp. This caused you to flinch mid-stride as you stood on the stairs, head whipping around to see what you did wrong.

"Oh no, I'm sorry! L-lemme help you!"

You had awkwardly turned around several times at this point before spotting a man on a bench, who had been staring wide-eyed in your direction. It was him. Your panic was gradually replaced with confusion, however, as he seemed mortified by your presence, even though you didn't do anything... you think? You squinted and tilted your head at him.

"...Brassius?"

His eyes remained wide, breathing still catching up with him, but his posture loosened up quite a bit all at once. His eyelids drooped again as he seemed to gather the courage to speak up, although he dared not make eye contact.

"Ah, I... do apologize, I simply... well, in truth, I truly was not expecting to see you again so soon..."

His eyes were focused on the ground now, shyly looking away. It was then that you realized he was clutching a sketchbook close to his stomach. Oh?? That's certainly interesting, especially since he seemed... so...

Oh, Gods. Would he rather you not be here??

"Oh, I'm sorry! Really, I am! I didn't realize you- I mean, you seem to- I-I'll get out of your hair if-"

"No, no, you are fine, I was ju-"

Suddenly, he grimaced, clutching his stomach. You held your hands up to your ears, yelling in sheer panic, wondering if you had somehow caused this.

"OH! OH NO!! WHAT DID I DO?!? "

"No- nothing, nothing! I- I forgot to eat breakfast this morning," he groaned. "That is all. Do not fret over me. This happens a lot."

You suddenly calmed down, hands slowly lowering before floping down, awkwardly hanging by your sides after momentarily swinging.

"...oh..."

The two of you stared at each other for a good three seconds before you suddenly remembered: 'Oh, hey! I'm hungry, too!'

"Oh, hey! I'm hungry, too!" You said, suddenly beaming as if you didn't just condemn yourself to the 'he hates me and never wants to see me again' zone. Before he could respond, you started back on your journey to Artisan Bakery, but not before asking him to stay put.

"Oh yeah, don't move! I'll be back, I just gotta get some ingredients!"

"But-"

And just like that, you headed off.

-*-

You jogged back to the bench. To your (only mild) surprise, Brassius was still there, although he seemed to angrily mutter a bit to himself, teeth clenched, madly sketching something in his book, which was only cracked open. You wondered what secrets or plans he was guarding, but decided it wasn't your place to ask. Instead, you proudly whipped your backpack to your front, opening it as you walked towards him. He suddenly looked up, scowl upturned the instant he made eye contact.

"Ah! You have returned!"

He snapped his book shut as he said this, face looking oddly neutral, with an undercurrent of enthusiasm.

"Yep! Sorry about the wait. I got a LOT of stuff, cause uhhh, I realized I don't know what it is you... like, actually? So uhh, come with me! We can have a picnic!"

His mind seemed to suddenly go blank, staring at you with a peculiar expression you couldn't quite place. It was certainly a look you hadn't seen from him in quite a while, although you were only really sorta-friends.

"A... a what?? "

"A picnic! Y'know, a taste of that Paldean culture?" You made another weird hand gesture, continuing to make more as you explained your reasoning. "Spreading your stuff out, relaxing outdoors, letting your Pokémon roam free? That way, we can make whatever we like without worrying about getting in anyone's way!"

His face has barely wavered at this point, perhaps the corner of his mouth twitching a little as his gaze quickly darts away and back.

"Plus, you could use a break." You nodded as you said the next bit. "I can tell."

You stared right back at him, awaiting his answer. He seemed... bewildered by your sudden word-avalanche, eyes lightly darting around your face. You could almost see a light dusting of pink on his cheeks as he glanced between you, the ground, and the sketchbook in his lap. Suddenly, a guilty panic settled into your chest.

"Uh- only if you wanna come! Of course? It's really up to you, you know. I don't wanna disturb you or your work or anything."

The look in his eyes finally faded as he loosened the tension he didn't even feel in his limbs. He sighed, worrying you, until suddenly-

"Of course I would." He stands up with a small grunt. "Who am I to turn down such a kind and spontaneous offer?"

He smiles warmly at you, causing your stomach to flip.

"Hahhhhhhhhhhhh, Ok! Let's, um, go to... uhhhhhh..."

You had pressed your hands together as if praying, resting your chin on the tips of your middle and ring fingers as you not-so silently thought to yourself, although Brassius felt the need to butt-in.

"I know just the spot, my hierochloe."

-*-

Of course Brassius would know of a quiet little field to sit in. You had set up a simple picnic, no table, not wanting to take up too much of his time despite deeply enjoying his presence. He was sitting, eyes wandering around at the scenery and his Pokémon interacting with your own as you shuffled around on your knees. His eyes would occasionally come to a rest on you before briskly looking around at everything that caught his eye again. You had just laid the ingredients out in front of him, letting him take his pick. You had even splurged with your league points, getting stuff from Deli Cioso and Sure Cans, thus giving him more variety, although you wouldn't admit to doing that.

"Whatever you want, I'll make! No matter the combo!"

Brassius glanced up at you for a moment before looking back down. He decided to go for a cheese sandwhich, but with the kick of jalapeños, pointing to every ingredient without a word.

"Huh. Neat! Ok, I'll make it for ya, just gimme a sec, Ok?"

You were looking at him through an 'Ok' hand, one eye closed to make it easier. He seemed mildly amused by this, a light chuckle emanating from him, although he then proceeded to abruptly stop himself and turn away. You were slightly disappointed, but you went off to do your thing.

It had been about a minute or so of an oddly comfortable silence, but then-

"TA-DAAAAA!"

He turned his head, although his body stayed facing away. He looked at the sandwhich he was presented with, eyes widening with delight.

"Oh my, you! You have an eye for design!"

"Huh?"

You tilted your head back slightly as he took the sandwich, staring at it with glee.

"Yes, the way you arranged everything, this precise cut, the pick choice!"

He pointed at the green pick you skewered through one half of the sandwhich, specifically chosen for him, although again, you wouldn't admit to that.

"Yes, everything came together to form a beautifully cohesive work of culinary art. I even dare say, I feel almost guilty knowing I will have to devour it!"

You were smiling uncontrollably, but you didn't realize it. It just came so naturally, hearing him gush about the artistic vision you had while laying jalapeños on top of cheese and avocado. He sees the beauty in everything, it seems. You can't help but idly wonder how he views you...

-*-

It was nighttime in Artazon. The lights of the town illuminated the area in a way that really made you wish you came here after dark more often, or perhaps even stayed here for a bit? Either way, the idea of heading back to the academy seemed to quickly fade from your mind. You wandered around, enjoying the serene sounds of nature all around you, when suddenly-

"No, no, NO! This simply will not do!"

You turned. You can hear a commotion near the pool from here, which is where you caught a glimpse of the man that seems to plague your mind.

Curiosity struck, and you found yourself quietly approaching the situation. You paused when you were able to hear an exasperated sigh.

"This color. It does not even BEGIN to match the hue of their uniform..."

Hold up. Uniform?

"Nooooo... AHHHHHHH! "

He practically fell to his knees in anguish as he crouched next to the pool. He seemed to be in deep thought for a few seconds when suddenly, an idea struck.

"Oh, I know! I shall choose a color that captures a feeling instead! Yes, yes, I must write down how I feel..."

He shuffled over to his stuff, holding his sketchbook and scribbling down some notes while muttering to himself. You noted his voice seemed to waver at that last part. How he feels? About what? And why was a uniform so important to this piece?

You snuck closer, this time being unashamed in your interest, when suddenly-

"UHP-"

You didn't notice the incline leading to the pool was right there, too focused on seeing if he noticed you. You slipped down. It wasn't a terribly tall slope, but the top was probably around your height. Plus, falling on concrete? You lied there on the ground for a few moments, trying to figure out what went wrong when you hear your name called out.

"M-my goodness! That was quite a tumble, y-your form was simply dreadful! Are you feeling alright? Was your vision something more graceful?"

You rolled over onto your side, looking up at his worried face. He truly did look panicked.

"Yeah! Yeah, I-I'm fine..."

You stared up at him. His eyes somehow managed to widen even more as his frown softened. You let yourself roll back over onto your face, a small muffled laugh sounding out.

"Sorry for scaring you like that, sir. I was just wondering what you were up to, no crazy feats were attempted by me, no siree!"

"Oh..." He said, voice sounding oddly dejected, although you weren't able to see the face he made. "If you wished to get a look at my creative process, you really could have asked me. You know I love sharing the world of art with you."

That line made your stomach flutter. 'You're in too deep...' A small part of you said. But another part of you thought 'screw it! Let those Vivillon fly free!'

"Uh, actually, that'd be really nice." You abruptly said, finally rolling over again. So abrupt, actually, that you didn't even register what actually came out of your mouth until the silence kicked in. He was staring down at you, mouth turned up in a weird sorta half-smile and eyes showing a... fear?

You were mortified, lying on the ground, having taken an offer that may have been extended out of pity. There go those insecurities again...

"Well, actually, never mind, I kinda... um, I uh, I gotta..."

You quickly looked away, not wanting him to see your eyes well up with tears. The silence was getting to you. He was always oddly quiet around you. It seemed like he just went through the motions of your visits. So, in a panic, you got up and ran off down the path, ignoring his confused calls of your name.

-*-

It had been a few weeks since you last visited Artazon. You've heard through the grepavine that Brassius has been acting... stranger than normal. As much as you tried to avoid thinking about him, you couldn't help but wonder why. Was this a normal 'working on an intense project' strange or 'my personal life is imploding on me please send help' type of behavior? Truthfully, you kind of wanted to head over there and ask around to see if anyone knows why. After all, he is your sorta-friend. You wanna be there for him despite the pain of rejection. So, you got out of bed, gave yourself a... series of pep-talks, and headed out to Artazon.

-*-

One flight later, there was an immediately tense feeling in the air. It was hard to describe, but you could tell the vibes were off. Everyone was going about their days as normal, but something just felt... weird. You reluctantly made your way over to the Artazon Gym, where he seemed to be pacing yet again. This time, however, he didn't seem to be preoccupied with thoughts of art. Instead, he seemed contemplative, almost crestfallen as he half-heartedly walked up and down the front of the building. You freeze, not wanting to get any closer for some reason.

You hear him muttering angrily to himself, something you, again, noticed he does sometimes. But this time, it was more resentful than frustrated.

"...no, no, this... this will not do..." He said quietly. He made a frustrated grunting noise as he stomped once, fists clenched as he shook lightly.

"...this won't do at all..." He roughly lamented in a shakey sing-songy voice. Through gritted teeth, shaking his head while facing the ground, he roughly threw his arms down to his sides, his frame never ceasing to tremble.

His eyes... you were kind of afraid of what tale they'd tell right now. What has he gone through these past few... however long it took to get to this point? You looked around, wondering if anyone else was seeing his breakdown, but nobody seemed very bothered.

'Who the heck keeps gossiping if nobody's paying attention? Why didn't they get him help?' You thought to yourself before turning back towards him.

When you looked over, he was gone.

-*-

"BRAAAAASSIUUUUUS! HEY, BRASSIUS? WHERE ARE YOU!?"

You didn't want to resort to yelling, but he was nowhere to be found even 20 minutes later. He was... surprisingly nimble considering his fluctuating health, but then again, he made a grand entrance from atop a windmill every time he held a gym battle, so...

You walked through the gates of Sunflora Lawn yet again. Nope, nowhere in or around there either. What would compel him to just bolt like this? And where to?? There were three areas surrounding Artazon that had grassy terrain, although you weren't sure he'd go for any of them. This honestly reminded you of your gym test, if said gym test was to find a singular angry Bramblin instead of 10 Sunflora.

The breeze was light and warm, complimenting the beautiful sunshine that shone brightly, yet not too hot. It was such an amazing day out, yet frustration was all you could really feel. You debated just storming upstairs inside the gym building to see if he simply went home when you heard a small, shuddering wail.

You weren't sure what it was at first, stopping in your tracks at the noise. You stood there for a second, waiting to hear it again when someone jogged out of the Artazon Gym doors.

"Oh!" She paused at the sight of you before whispering something under her breath and changing her path to come to you. "Hey there!"

She seemed relieved to see you.

"Um, h-hi??"

You broadly waved as she jogged over to you. You could now recognize her as the lady that usually tended to the Sunflora Lawn. You thought it was weird that nobody was there.

"You! You have no idea how glad I am to see you!" She smiled, the largest grin you'd even seen (on someone that isn't Brassius) on her face. "Brassius, that poor guy, he could definitely use your reassurance right now.

You stared at her, wondering what she meant.

"Rea... surr...ance??"

You blinked twice. It was at this point that you heard another odd, strangled sob. Was it coming from behind the gym itself??

"You hear him? He's been inconsolable the past few days, saying 'his inspiration has left him'. I think it has to do with you, trainer."

You jump back in shock, hands up defensively.

"ME? WHAT DID I DO?? "

She waved her hands slightly, an indication that it isn't like that at all. You listen.

"Hey, no, don't panic! You yourself didn't do anything, it's just that... well, the man has grown attached to you."

Your eyes widen. She continues.

"When you didn't come back around for your usual art tours, he... well... he lost all motivation to work on his current project, and he doesn't know what to do next."

You immediately felt a rush of guilt course through you. You... caused this?

"I... I'm sorry!" You cried. "I didn't mean to hurt him! I-I thought he didn't want me around anymore! Nobody ever wants me around!"

At this point, tears were threatening to spill from your eyes. She looked on at you, feeling sorry for you.

"Aww..." She walks over to console you. "I doubt that's really the case. I can't help but feel the relaxed aura you emit whenever you come by. You have a very welcoming presence, you know!"

You looked up, wiping tears from your eyes.

"Y... huh??"

"Yeah," she responded in a soft tone. "He very much notices that too. That's why he likes going deeper into his works with you." She looks away. "Well, part of why."

"Huh?"

You were fully invested in the conversation now. She came closer.

"Do you mind if I lean in? I need to tell you something that's kind of a secret between him and the staff."

You panicked, wondering if something would happen to her if she told you.

"Oh! Uhhh, th-th-that's OK, ma'am! I don't need to, um, know his secrets or anything..."

You looked down at the ground, nervous due to rejecting her. You really did just want to make sure he was OK. She smiled.

"Ah, that's quite alright. It may be best if you simply talked to him, though. Want me to show you where he is?"

-*-

It was truly a sight to behold. The man was behind the gym, sitting high up on a tree branch as he held on tight to the trunk of it, bawling loudly as if he had lost a loved one. He didn't notice you, too consumed with misery to notice either of you. The Sunflora Lawn attendant leaned in slightly.

"Best of luck! You've got a nack for calming him down."

Wait, what?

You turned, but she was already gone.

The people of Artazon sure do know how to make a wild entrance... and breezy exit.

This was sort of a big ask. You had no idea how to calm someone down, much less someone as... eccentric as Brassius. But, seeing as though this was technically your fault (at least in your mind), you decided to walk over. You tried to catch a glimpse of his face, but it was squished into the tree, as if he thought applying more pressure to himself would ease the pain.

You winced slightly. You wondered if his calloused hands helped the situation at all.

"Ok, Brassius?"

A sob was hitched in his throat.

"T-take a deep breath! Everything will be OK!"

You really had no idea what to say. Most of your friends were online, and you weren't much for watching overly-serious entertainment outside of shows with lore and angst. That being said, you tried to be there for him, imagining what you'd like to be told in this situation.

"Um... OK! So uh, I don't know what it is you're looking for! Truth be told, I'm... also... lost right now. BUT, I think if we talk things out, it may help? Get your feelings out there? O-only if you want. And, um..."

You looked down.

"I'm... sorry. For avoiding you like that."

You continue to look down, closing your eyes, not really expecting a response. You, however, wanted to wait a bit, instead of running off like last time.

The silence was oddly calm. The sense of dread you expected to feel was more like a grey veil than a tumultuous mess. He had even stopped his moans and cries when he first noticed your presence, but you weren't sure if it were a good or bad thing. Still, though, you decided to let fate seal the deal. Whatever he wanted, you'd do.

It took a few- Ok, quite a few moments, but eventually, you heard the rustling of leaves and the sound of someone landing nearby. You then heard some quiet footsteps make their way toward you, a gentle hand now resting on your shoulder. His voice was less shaky, but quiet, almost breaking into sound when he first hesitantly spoke up.

"Come with me, then, young trainer."

-*-

You made your way into his art studio, silently walking behind the man. He hadn't said anything this entire walk. However, he seemed... determined? You were always bad with words, but something intense was about to be said, you could feel it.

He opened the double doors that lead inside, and what you saw... both surprised you and didn't surprise you at all at the same time.

The room was very bright, with plants crawling up and down the pillars and walls. There were even plants on the ceilings, a feat you may need to ask him about later (if you were still on speaking terms by the end of this conversation, that is).

The room was as organized as one could get it when it came to his greenery, but his art stuff was, well, not, to put it lightly. Paint, clay, rock, you name it, it was probably splattered or crushed somewhere. Papers and plans galore were scattered across the floor and hanging on any surface he could find. You even spotted shattered glass and sand on the ground near the sinks...?? The only clear spaces were the mezzanine platforms. Was this a repurposed warehouse?

You saw a few small rooms in the back, one being a small bathroom, one being storage of some kind, but the other you couldn't quite tell, although you can make out the fact that there are markings carved into all of them. The exit door in the back lead to an attached greenhouse. It was bright in there, natural light coming in droves, but all you could see were giant shadows of the plants looming within. 'Wow.' Was all you could muster while taking in the sight.

You didn't even realize you were staring in awe until you heard your name called, snapping you out of it.

"Please, come. Sit over here."

He had cleared off a dusty yet otherwise clean looking couch. You hadn't even noticed the small seating area near one of the front windows. The couch, the recliner, and the table all situated in such a way that someone could comfortably watch from the corner as Brassius worked on his masterpieces, and then chat with him face-to-face across the table during his breaks. You couldn't help but imagine Hassel sitting there with tea, partaking in light conversation as he watched his dear friend work during his down time from the academy and league duties.

You sat on the couch and nodded at him, who returned the gesture before making his way to the chair. Why you nodded, you're not sure. Maybe you're trying to reassure both yourself and him that everything would be alright?

He sighed as he sat down. You couldn't help but take in how long his legs are when he did.

He spoke in a very lowered voice, something you quickly took note of. You wished your mind would stop overanalyzing everything, maybe it was to compensate for how little you understand people?

"Well then. I suppose it is time we cleared the air." His voice was somewhat dark as he spoke, as opposed to the cordial yet animated tone he usually had. This frightened you, but you carried on.

"Y-yes, I suppose so..." You roughly jammed your pointer fingers together as you glanced to the side, not wanting to make eye contact as you spoke. When you looked up, however, you saw that he was looking rather intensely at you, although there was a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"Indeed." He started. He looked at you to gage your reaction, which seemed very apprehensive. As he expected, really.

"I am glad you returned, I really do miss your visits."

"Oh yeah? Heh, well I, um, s-sorry..." You hung your head again.

"Nonsense!" He leaned in slightly before catching himself, leaning back again and clearing his throat.

"Now, what sort of person would I be if I held everything against you?" A hint of his usual flair was back, although you could tell he was trying to reel it back in.

"But... you should??"

"Why?"

"Because I s-suck?"

A silence fell over the room.

"You..."

He wasn't sure how to respond to that, so he simply moved on with a huff.

"You agreed to my proposition that night, but then you ran off and ceased all visits to Artazon for over a month" he started, eyes closed tightly, gripping the armrests on his chair as if to channel his negative emotions. "Why?"

You... truly didn't know how to answer that.

"Well, I uh, had something to do."

"For 5 weeks?"

"Um- yes."

He knew you were lying, but he didn't push it. He has frequent, often longer projects, too, after all.

"Alright. Well, why don't we reschedule, then?"

"Erm-"

You didn't expect him to try and arrange something else.

"Sure?? I- I mean, we can certainly do that."

You grinned, although it looked strained. He stared at you for a few seconds. His mouth seemed to twitch slightly, as if suppressing a grin of his own, but he continued, letting it fade on its own.

"Avant-garde! We will certainly make time to schedule it after our little catch-up."

He looked at you from the bottoms of his eyes. You sunk into the couch a little.

"Yeah! Yeah, we, um-"

He decided to interrupt your odd ramble this time.

"You seem so unsure of yourself. Is there a reason why, dear trainer?"

Ok, now you really felt trapped. Your mind raced a thousand miles per second, yet it came up blank at the same time. What could you say as an answer here?

"I... don't know." You say truthfully, eyes wide and sitting up to stare at him.

He stares back, although he looked like he was thinking hard about what he was going to say next. He sat up some, leaning in before beginning.

"...you fascinate me to no end, you know that?" He said, eyes intense and boring right through you. "You are certainly one of the stranger trainers I have dealt with. It is quite... beautiful, watching you navigate the world. You surprise me every time you visit, doing things I would least expect, yet make sense in the context of you! I have always wanted to get to know you better."

Your face heated up again, although he simply continued.

"I actually had something I wanted to show you, but sadly, my artistic vision has... ceased being clear to me. I have not been able to work on it for a while as a result. Mind if I bring some ideas out? Perhaps I could learn more about you now."

You were shaking. You wanted to say yes, but you didn't want to seem too eager. So, you thought of a compromise.

"Y-yerm..."

There's a difference between an idea and actually executing it correctly.

His face contorted into one of sheer confusion.

"Yerm??"

"Sorry, I, uh, got nervous and didn't wanna say 'yeah' too hard, so uhhh..."

You trailed off. His gaze was transfixed on you.

"Uh-huh." He clapped the awkward tension away as he continued. "Let us commence, then! Sit tight, I shall bring my sketches and prototypes out."

He got up, placing his sketchbook on the table before going over to a table with some clay figurines. They were obvious works-in-progress, but they still looked very interesting. In fact, you'd gladly take them off his hands once he was done with them.

"I use these as prototypes before working on projects like this" He said with a smile. "I want to capture a certain feeling, but in a less spontaneous way. I was..."

He looks away, a far more obvious, yet still light blush gracing his cheeks.

"...I was inspired by you. I wished to capture your essence in a piece of art, but I... can't possibly emulate you in just one piece. I keep getting overwhelmed by all the ways you..."

He trails off when he sees your face. You seem slightly flustered, having sunken into the couch, staring with a very peculiar expression that screams 'OH MY GODS'. He doesn't continue his sentence, instead starting a new one.

"Oh heavens, I must apologize for overwhelming you, I know this is quite a lot all at once..."

He slowly lowers the tray, a dejected look on his face. You scramble to fix this.

"NONONOWAIT!" You wildly wave your hands around to reassure him, although you weren't sure what to actually say.

"I-I'm flattered, actually! I'd, um, be honored to, er, help... and inspire you... 're pro...ject??"

You grin and tilt your head, arms locked in a perpetual shrug. Brassius simply stares back at you.

The silence is dread-inducing, wondering how he'd respond, when...

He grins.

It's sort of ardent, in a way.

'Ardent-garde', you think, momentarily ruining the moment in your mind.

"Why, it is I who feels honored. Very rarely do I meet a soul as bewitching as yours to truly appreciate!"

You smile. For the first time in a while, your heart feels at peace. Is this that real-life connection you've been searching for? That, dare you say, treasure?

"W-well then!" You squawk. "Where do we begin, maestro?"

A/N

OK!! SO! Originally, this was just going to be a story about your presence calming Brassius' constantly tumultuous mind and him making art based on you. But after I started writing your expy as "The MOST Confusing Human in Paldea (TM)," I decided it'd apply to both you AND him! Pretty fun, huh? Like, you ground him and snap him back to reality even when he's in his zone, and he causes you to take a moment to breathe and be self-aware of your catastrophic thinking.

I had more I wanted to write here, but I can't think straight (I finished this after a W I L D trip, so I'm super duper drowsy). Just know this was more of a practice run because THIS MAN RIGHT HERE MADE ME WANNA WRITE AND POST FANFIC AGAIN. Have some food! It's more of an appetizer. I promise to get better, I'm just so used to writing my own characters so sorry if it's lackluster/OOC/everywhere. I have a bunch of Brassius stories planned (he will regain his usual batshit energy in those once he gets used to you being a permanent part of his life, although he will always have a soft spot for you), as well as a few Hassel, Clavell, and Larry, cause old/middle-aged men make me weak apparently. Next will be Hassel, so stay tuned! Hopefully I get in the flow more next time.

(ALSO I HAD TO EDIT THIS ON MY PHONE SO SORRY IF IT'S A FORMATTING MESS OK???)

[use-your-telescope]

It’s only fair that I ask for your top five music albums! Go!

Ahahahaha FACK I should have known that was coming... picking ONLY FIVE is gonna be a struggle. All of these will have songs featured in the Trickster (I haven't even finalized my list and I already know that's true). I'm going to stick to one album per artist to help narrow this ish down. Okay, let's give this a whirl: (These are in no order)

Everything in Transit - Jack's Mannequin This album - holy shit. It's iconic. This was one of the very first albums I ever fell in LOVE with, and the story behind it is fucking incredible. Andrew McMahon wrote the whole damn thing about his (now) wife that he was on a break with, right as he was leaving his band Something Corporate and (unbeknownst to him) about to be diagnosed with cancer (which he ultimately beat!). Rescued is my most played song of all time (between itunes plays and Spotify plays), and that was before I choreographed my senior year of college dance piece to it, nine years ago. The entire album is the personification of TSwift's "yeah, we're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time - it's miserable and magical" - brilliant piano pop that you want to scream aloud in a bar next ot strangers and bond over. Honorable mentions to Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness (Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness, aka Self-titled album) and The Glass Passenger (Jack's Mannequin)

Red (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift Okay, no secret, I love me some Tay. This was already my top album of Taylor's before she released the re-recorded version, because I think this hits the ultimate sweet spot for Taylor - balancing folk-style songwriting and pop sensibilities, with just enough country to keep it fresh - and it's so fucking relatable. And then when Taylor's version came along? I was even more in love. Nothing New still makes my chest ache (and I love Phoebe Bridgers), and don't get me started on the ten minute version of All Too Well. This is *the* breakup album, which hit at just the right moment of my college years and it STILL fucking SLAPS. (Low-key heartbroken I couldn't get Eras tour tickets, tbh) Honorable mentions (in order) are evermore and folklore (tolerate it. gets a spotlight in the trickster! fun fact. Because fiction is cool and I can retcon history, the creation of both albums are in The Trickster.)

American Candy - The Maine Okay, this was the HARDEST artist to narrow down just ONE album - I have seen the Maine FIFTEEN TIMES since I started listening to them in 2011. Pioneer, Forever Halloween, American Candy, Lovely Little Lonely, You Are Okay, and Love & Anxiety in Real Time all have distinctly special places in my heart for different stages in my life. Lovely Little Lonely has the song that was the first dance at my wedding. Pioneer was when I fell in love with the Maine. Forever Halloween was when I processed recovering from a toxic relationship and struggled with my own happiness. You Are Okay was when the world felt unsteady and COVID hit and I needed that reassurance, and Love & Anxiety in Real Time was grappling with the ability to find happiness while allowing inner demons to co-exist. Fun Fact: my original foray into fanfic was connected to this band (now I wouldn't do RPF for the life of me because I have a different understanding of things, but I was 20 and creating fictional characters based on idealized verisons of celebrity crushes in my mind). But, I chose American Candy because I think it has this balance of fun, upbeat music, heartfelt storytelling, candid moments, and delightful irreverence that is absolutely worth a listen. The last track (Another Night on Mars) was the last song of the night at our wedding and the memory of all my friends in a huddle chanting out "this one goes out to my closest friends, the ones who make me feel less alien, I do not think I would be here if not for them" still makes me warm and fuzzy five years later.

Ever After - Marianas Trench Trying to pick one Marianas Trench album is also a challenge - Josh Ramsay is a fucking lyrical GENIUS (with fucking INSANE vocals) and he really embraces creating albums; the most recent album (Phantoms) takes heavy influence from the work of Edgar Allen Poe, the album before that (Astoria) drew inspo from 80's movies like the Goonies, but the one that has my heart is Ever After, which has so many delightful references to fairytales and toys and childhood - it's full of absolute pop BANGERS and you CANNOT help but dance to the whole damn thing. Fun fact: Josh Ramsay is Grammy nominated for co-writing Call Me Maybe!

PEP - Lights This was a post-pandemic album that addresses cynicism, feminism, and girl-power in a fucking ICONIC manner. Salt and Vinegar is a fucking MOOD, and Jaws is my new theme song. Easy Money is my low-key Lo & Theo ship song. Beside Myself is so soft and vulnerable, and Okay Okay is an absolute delight. Lights just released 'ded', which is a slowed down/if synth could be called acoustic version of PEP, and the ded versions of Grip and Beside Myself have made me feel my feels. Lights does acoustic versions of every album she has released; I was so close to putting Skin & Earth Acoustic or Midnight Machines (the acoustic version of Little Machines) because they are so emotive and delightful! Other than Taylor Swift, I tried to stick to lesser-known artists; honorable mentions go to Florence + the Machine, PVRIS, the Midnight, Lydia, Hozier, The Wonder Years, Paramore/Hayley Williams, The Civil Wars, Queen, Annika Bennett, Neck Deep, Lorde, and James Taylor...

[kingdomblade]

Prefacing this by saying all things considered I’m perfectly fine, but not gonna lie I think this is the worst that a ‘celebrity death‘ (for lack of better words) has hit home to me.

Thinking back, I remember some time before the Yugioh anime came out stateside, reading a magazine and seeing an advertisement for Yugioh. It was just his side profile - an anime styled version of the first manga cover actually - and I was extremely intrigued by it. I’m not sure if the ad even made any mentions of card games or the like. I almost immediately re-drew the image on the ad myself - Likely the fastest I have ever drawn fanart for something, haha.

I ended up buying tons and tons of cards even though I only really played with a few friends - the handful of actual tournaments I tried went, uh, poorly. But it was fine because I spent countless hours playing duel monsters with friends and I never regretted it.

Somewhere around 2003 I started reading Shonen Jump and seeing how Yugioh originated was world changing, to say the least - I felt like letting my parents know that at one point Yugi lit a man on fire was a bad idea so it never quite came up. But I fell for that part of the series just as hard as the card game aspects - maybe even a little more. I loved the creative use of games that could be considered more mundane, or changed a simple game just enough to where it became dangerous and thrilling. I think one of the series peaks is where Yugi and co. face Shadi and the Egyptian mythology aspects come to the forefront for the first time. The fact that neither anime covered this arc is criminal.

Comic Con 2015 was when Kazuki Takahashi made what I believe was his first American convention debut and I had the baffling luck to get a three-day pass to con that year - for every day except the one Takahashi was there. I can’t really complain considering how stupid hard con tickets are to get, but I’ll still never quite forgive them for that, haha.

I remember seeing Darkside of Dimensions in a packed theater and how into it everyone was. While the original ending was good - iconic even - it was great to see the characters we loved again and get a peek into where their lives are going and seeing despite everything they went through, they’re all going to be okay (Except Kaiba, he’s...a debatable case). It really felt like everyone who hand their hand in the movie put a lot of love into it - the gorgeous animation, the incredibly on-point dub script, and the actors who managed to come back sounding even better despite not voicing these characters for several years.

Armed only with the knowledge that he had done a quick shot for the previous Yugioh movie, I noticed the scene that he animated for DSoD (To be fair, noticed it by how radically of a different style it was from the rest of the movie) and thought ‘Wait - did he do that too?!‘. It was a proud, if pointless moment for me!

I remember some time later hearing that the manga not only basically cancelled, but Takahashi has such horrendous health issues that put him in the hospital towards the end of the run that he ended up having to cut a lot of content. I haven’t been in nearly such a position but as an artist I was able to relate to that a bit, it must have been so frustrating. I've always wanted to see a Yu-Gi-Oh anime remake - even though it doesn't need to to the extent as some other manga might. Beginning to end, as close to Takahashi's vision as possible, maybe adding some of the cut arcs that he originally wanted like Bleach is doing now. Unfortunately, the later is no longer possible, but it makes me more glad he had such a big hand in DDoS, from the script right down to a little moment like that. I hope he was satisfied with how he sent the series off.

I don’t know what I’m hoping to accomplish with this post, maybe just trying to get things off my chest so I can continue with my day. But Yugi and friends have been a constant in my life since 2002, and that both the Yugioh anime an manga are comfort stories I always can and will go back to countless times. I do know that despite being a casual anime fan at the time - even a Yugioh anime fan at the time - cracking open open those pages of Shonen Jump and seeing things like Yugioh, One Piece, Naruto? I’d never experienced anything like those stories I read and they completely changed my perceptions on what comics could even be. And here I am drawing my own comics right now - even if they’re just silly stories about animals. That’s okay. I’m glad to be here. It might be dramatic to say that Yugioh, that Takahashi played at least a small in who I am right now, but I wonder if that’s completely wrong? Even if it's something invisible, even if just a percentage, I think something that's been so big part of my life has definitely shaped my art, my creativity, my passion in some way. In the words of Yugi, something you can show but can't see.

Regardless, thank you for everything, Takahashi-sensei.

[bellasgreensweater]

✨Why I Think Bella Swan Is On The Autism Spectrum ✨

In this post I’m going to talk about why I personally believe that Bella Swan is autistic. As an autistic person myself, I really relate to Bella and I see a lot of autistic traits in her.

Disclaimer: This is just a headcanon- I don’t think Stephenie Meyer intentionally wrote Bella as autistic, and she or the movie producers never confirmed it, so I’m not saying to everyone that she is CONFIRMED to be autistic and that every one has to see her that way, I’m just saying that I personally think she is, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Autistic people hardly have any representation in the media, and with the representation that we do have, it is almost always stereotypical, inaccurate and offensive. You do not have to agree with me on this, but just please be respectful in the comments and don’t hate :)

Ok let’s go:

1. She always felt different from everyone/she felt like nobody truly understood her and that she never really understood anyone either: this is what basically all autistic people feel, myself included. Feeling like nobody understands the way your brain works and the way you see the world. (And this is true, because autistic people do see the world differently than non- autistic people and autistic peoples brains are wired differently from non- autistic brains). Bella mentions this multiple times in the books and movies, at one point in the first book in the car with Edward, she tells him that she thinks he can’t read her mind because they’re a probably a glitch in her brain and that it’s not like other people’s. There is also this quote from the 1st chapter of twilight which sums up how she feels: “ Facing my pallid reflection in the mirror, I was forced to admit that I was lying to myself. It wasn’t just physically that I’d never fit in. And if I couldn’t find a niche in a school with three thousand people, what were my chances here? I didn’t relate well to people my age. Maybe the truth was that I didn’t relate well to people, period. Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain”.

2. Her motor skills: She’s constantly tripping over her own feet, has bad balance, doesn’t realize that she’s walking into things, constantly dropping things ect, a common thing for autistic people is to have poor motor skills and find it hard to navigate their body.

Another disclaimer about autism: not ever autistic person is the exact same, every autistic person expresses their autism in a slightly different way, for example, some autistic people are overly sensitive to sound, and some are under-sensitive to it, these are just the specific things I’ve noticed for Bella in this post, it’s not supposed to be a generalization of autism in any way! :)

3. Social disinterest and difficultly: all throughout her childhood and her time in forks, she wasn’t very interested in making friends or hanging out or going to parties, and she found that she could never make friends with someone easily, she just never fully clicked with someone. She did have some very nice friends in forks, however she never related to them too well or was very attached to them.

4. Dresses for comfort and not fashion: Bella typically dresses in what feels most comfortable for her, not what is the most fashionable thing, this is a common thing with autism. A lot of autistic people like myself are quite sensitive to clothing and fabric and will not tolerate uncomfortable clothing.

5. Limited interests/special interests: Bella doesn’t really have many interests, but the ones she does have, she’s very passionate about. A special interest is an autism-specific term used to describe interests and hobbies that autistic people have that are very important to them. They help regulate emotions, calm people down, provide escapism ect. Autistic people can hyper fixate on these interests for hours and hours and not get bored, they can get so engrossed that they forget to do basic tasks to take care of themselves like drinking or going to the bathroom. These interests can last for years, sometimes a lifetime and they are very important to autistics. Bella swans special interests would be reading, wuthering heights, and vampires. Bella says in midnight sun that she has loved reading all her life and it is one of the few things that bring her intense joy. She said she could read for hours at a time and would try to sneak books into her lessons and read any chance she could get. Bella says that her favorite book is wuthering heights and she has read it so many times that it is beaten up beyond repair and the spine is so cracked that the book lays flat. This would clearly be her special interest. Her other special interest is clearly vampires.

6. Burnouts and meltdowns when Edward leaves: when Edward left in new moon, Bella obviously fell into a huge depression, but I also think she fell into an autistic burnout (if you don’t know what that is pls research or ask me cause this post is already too goddamn long). And in eclipse, when Edward leaves to go home in the afternoon or to go hunting, she can barely focus without him and gets very anxious (this is obviously because she loves him and is literally obsessed with him lol, but I also think it could be a meltdown from separation anxiety and also a change in routine (a lot of autistics get very upset when their usual routine is disrupted or changed))

7. Sensitive to sounds: In the book, often Bella cannot concentrate or fall asleep because of little sounds like the rain, sometimes it takes ages for her to sleep because the rain or tapping is too distracting. (This is a common autistic struggle).

8. Stims & facial twitches & stuttering: in the movie, she is constantly stuttering over her words, and her face and body twitches a lot. She also stims a lot in the book by playing with her hair or sleeves or the zip of her jacket, or her hands or edwards hands. She also covers some of her face with her hair, this could be to do with sensory overload, seeing too much in her field of vision may be overwhelming for her, like a lot of autistics.

9. Trouble expressing feelings/ thoughts: bella struggles a lot sometimes with communication and telling people how she feels. You can see this in her relationship with Charlie. They both love eachother very much but they never say it and when they do it comes out very awkward and sometimes they use the wrong words. You can also see this when she is hesitant to tell Edward in eclipse when she doesn’t want him to leave for the fight, it takes her ages to work up to telling someone how she feels. She also tends to be quite private. This is common for some autistics to feel.

10. Sensory experiences: bella loves the sun and heat, she says that she loves feeling the sun seep into her skin- a lot of autistics feel the sensory world very strongly and love certain sensations and detest others. When Bella moves to forks, she hates the sudden change in weather and gets anxious and upset at the feel of the cold, and the rain against her skin. This links back to my other point where I was talking about how autistics fear sudden changes in routine. Bella is very relieved when there’s a sunny day in forks and goes and sits outside, savouring the weather which reminds her of home.

11. Not too concerned with how she looks: obviously not every autistic person is like this, but quite a few autistics don’t really focus on how they look/present and what they wear. They don’t really know about the social norms and what other people wear so they do what they want. This is something I often see in Bella in the books especially.

12. More quiet/ reserved and socially withdrawn and awkward: this is basically self explanatory. Bella is very well known for this. I touch a bit more on this in point 3.

If you made it this far then thank you so much! This took a long ass time to write and I’ve been thinking of making this post for months. There are more things that make me headcanon her as autistic, but these are just from the top of my head. When I re-read the series (for like the 100th time lol) later this year, I’ll annotate the book so that I can update this post in the future with more supporting this).

Again this is just my opinion and my personal headcanon, it is not factual (but I’d obviously want it to be canon) so please no hate :)

If you have any more things to add on then please do!! I’d love to hear your thoughts!

[pendularium]

Catch-22 the 2019 TV show is fine, but it's not Catch-22 the book.

SPOILERS: for Catch-22 (novel and 2019 show) CW: discussions of/mentions of death and war

It was love at first sight.

The first time I read Catch-22, I fell madly in love with it.

As a novel it was strange, confusing and funny in a way that no other books that I had read were. It was entirely unique, and I found its depiction of war, brutal, bloody and insane, to be moving in a way that most war novels just weren't for me.

And did I mention that it's really funny? I have re-read this book at least once a year since I first read it, and I have laughed every time. This book changed me in a way I still can't really verbalise - as with all media we consume, this book is a part of me. A big part. And while I can't relate to the specific anxieties within the book, a fear of death and the feeling of being both sane and insane is one that is deeply familiar to us as people. As is tragedy.

And this book is tragic.

It's sad and funny and hopeful and blindingly brilliant, and deserves far more people ranting about how great it is.

I first heard about what was to be the 2019 adaptation in a taxi on the radio, half asleep and being driven through the British countryside, endless fields of wheat and rapeseed blurring together in the dim twilight. I heard the hosts talk about the show, about how George Clooney was in it, and I remember thinking, I have no idea who that is. Why my lack of knowledge of George Clooney is what I remember best, I truly have no idea, but that's what it was.

I then forgot about the show for several years, until, three days ago, I went on All 4, googled 'good shows to watch on all 4', and Catch-22 came up.

So I watched it.

And I was. Disappointed.

The show isn't bad. I do need to stress that. It's an enjoyable show about a likeable main character, but there is something different about it that makes it not Catch-22. That something sat with me throughout my initial binge, an uncomfortable presence sitting on the sofa next to me, and telling me that something just wasn't quite right.

And I think it all struck me in the final episode, when Yossarian, naked (literally) and alone flies away into a sunset, muttering "release".

The only thing that I could think of was how utterly hopeless the show is. In the book, Yossarian gets out. The book ends on a bizarre, hopeful and funny note:

'So long, Chaplain. Thanks, Danby.' 'How do you feel Yossarian?' 'Fine. No, I'm very frightened.' 'That's good,' said Major Danby. 'It proves you're still alive. It won't be fun.' Yossarian started out. 'Yes it will.' 'I mean it Yossarian, You'll have to keep on your toes every minute if every day. They'll bend heaven and earth to catch you' 'I'll keep on my toes every minute.' 'You'll have to jump.' 'I'll jump.' 'Jump!' Major Danby cried. Yossarian jumped. Nately's whore was hiding just outside the door. The knife came down, missing him by inches. and he took off.

The book ends with Yossarian running away, free at last from the military, from Cathcart's endless raising of the missions and from the deaths of all his friends. Orr is maybe alive, and there is hope, and humour, and the hope has overcome the tragedy lurking beneath the text.

It is, I think, easy to overlook the hope in Catch-22, to simply take it for a funnier and more surreal 'All Quiet on the Western Front'. To take the misery and the death and the absolute trauma of it as all there is, because it is, in a very real way, all consuming. Even the ending, which is defiantly and unapologetically hopeful, has a reference to Nately's death, in that his 'whore' is only trying to kill Yossarian because Nately is dead.

Therein, I feel, lies the main difference between the show and the book. Catch-22 the novel is hopeful, despite the tragedy, and Catch-22 the show is hopeless, because of it.

The way both Catch-22s treat the tragedy of the situations is also different. This is, I feel, most evident in the case of the deaths of Kid Sampson, McWatt, and Nately. Kid Sampson's death in the novel is shocking and memorable, for very different reasons to the show. In the book it is almost bloodless, not unbloody, but the blood is simply not the focus.

Kid Sampson's two pale, skinny legs, still joined by strings somehow at the bloody truncated hips, standing stock-still on the raft for what seemed like a full minute or two before they toppled over backward into the water finally with a faint, echoing splash and turned completely upside down so that only the grotesque toes and plaster-white soles of Kid Sampson's feet remained in view.

This scene is shocking and awful. It's the sort of scene where the reader has to pause and re-read it just to make sure that is what just happened. Kid Sampson's death isn't the first in the book, but it is a very memorable one, in part because it happens on Pianosa, where they are meant to be safe, and in part because of Heller's description. The long run-on sentence and focus on the legs perfectly encapsulates the shock of the situation, and make it a shockingly quiet moment in a loud book (n.b. most of the death scenes are). In contrast, the show's depiction of kid Sampson's death is bloody, gratuitous in it, and is crippled by its lack of breathing room. In the show, we are given a glimpse of Kid Sampson through McWatt's canopy, before the canopy is drenched in blood. The scene is blood soaked, and it is not shocking in that. One of the early scenes in the first episode is of Yossarian, drenched in blood, walking away from the camera. Another is of a fellow bombardier blown from his plane who smacks against Yossarians plane, smearing blood all over the glass. The legs, which are so malevolent and purposeful in what they represent in the book, so blood-free, are relegated to a bloody side role in the show. They are a bloody mass of bone and sinew and flesh present in the far left of the screen as the camera focuses on the shocked face of one of the characters. The watcher barely has moments to process that before Kid Sampson is forgotten and we move on to McWatt, watching him fly into a mountain, and neither death is given room to just be, in all their awful glory. In the book (or at least in my book), it is almost two full pages after kid Sampson's death that McWatt finally crashes his plane. The reader is given time in a way that the watcher isn't, and although both are fast paced, moving swiftly on, there is a greater sense of time in the book, in just the passage I quoted above, than in the entire part of the show dealing with it.

McWatt's death carries it's own set of problems with it, problems shared with Orr and Aarfy, but most notable in McWatt. Heller has a habit of giving characters very specific idiosyncrasies, which both help the reader understand and identify them, but also make every reference to them that is serious absolutely heartbreaking. With McWatt, this is, I feel, most noticeable. Throughout the book, Heller associates a specific phrase with McWatt (if you've read the book you're probably already saying it to yourself) with 'Oh well, what the hell.'

'Oh well,' McWatt would sing, 'what the hell.'

This is repeated throughout the book, and tells us about McWatt as a character, and is used by Heller to teach us to respond to the phrase with an immediate, Pavlovian, thought of him, only to destroy us with:

a great choking moan tore from Yossarian's throat as McWatt turned again, dipped his wings once in a salute, decided oh, well, what the hell, and flew into a mountain.

When I first read this I put the book down. I had to. I liked McWatt. And I really just couldn't process this for several seconds. I sat there, the book on the table, thinking oh. There is a sudden and immediate contrast between the phrase, the phrase that conjures the image of cheerful, fun, sane McWatt, who is a brilliant pilot and gets a buzz out of flying low over the tents and scaring the men, who Yossarian loves as a pilot because he does insane manoeuvres and keeps him alive, and his short, abrupt, clipped end. Heller doesn't linger on McWatt. He kills him in the most brutal and emotional way possible in so few words, and then moves on.

The show does not. The episode ends, not with Cathcart raising the missions as in the book, but with a slow zoom out from Pianosa, the camera viewing the bloody raft where Kid Sampson died, and the burning crash site of McWatt's plane. This lingering, while (finally) giving the scenes the time they needed to be digested, undercuts a different message of the books. Cathcart, and by extension, the military, don't care. They send out impersonal letters, dear Mrs., Mr., Miss, or Mr. and Mrs. (a plot point in the book), and don't care about the lives of the men, and that is why they are part of everyone conspiring against Yossarian.

In the book, the worry is that Yossarian will die, that he will be unable to get out in time, that his superiors are conspiring with the Germans and the Italians and everyone to kill him.

''Who's they?' [Clevinger] wanted to know. 'Who, specifically, do you think is trying to murder you?' 'Every one of them.' Yossarian told him.

Yossarian had proof, because strangers he didn't know shot at him with cannons every time he flew up in the air to drop bombs on them.

That was the secret that Snowden had spilled to him on the mission to Avignon - they were all out to get him; and Snowden had spilled it all over the back of the plane.

This is missing from the show, where everything is all at once bloodier and milder. The incompetencies of the higher-ups in the book, the obsessions with parades and bomb patterns and having more missions than the other divisions, sucking up to Dreedle and Peckham, Peckham and Dreedle competing with each other, and Milo rising above everything - above morals and ideals and mission counts and the law. These are all missing in some regard from the show. Milo's bombing of Pianosa is framed in a much more polite way. It happens and then nobody brings it up again. Nobody dies, or is wounded, Milo evacuates the areas. In the book,

Men bolted from their tents in sheer terror and did not know in which direction to turn. Wounded soon lay screaming everywhere. A cluster of fragmentation bombs exploded in the yard of the officers' club and punched jagged holes in the side of the wooden building and in the bellies and backs of a row of lieutenants and captains standing at the bar. They doubled over in agony and dropped. The rest of the officers fled towards the two exits in panic and jammed up the doorways like a dense, howling dam of human flesh as they shrank from going farther.

In the book, Milo's bombing of Pianosa, and the eventual acceptance of this by America, is framed as part of the uncaring machine. They are all, even Milo, out to get Yossarian, and out to get every one of the soldiers. In the book, this is loud, bloody and chaotic. It isn't personal, as in the show, but in the book, the impersonal nature of it extends to who is killed and injured, and nobody is spared.

When I talked this over with a friend who had also read and enjoyed Catch-22, they said that it seemed like the creators had sanitised the more explicit anti-military and anti-war themes of the novel, painting it not as a struggle of the little guy to stay alive in a world that wants to kill them, but as a story about how a little guy wasn't suited for war. And honestly? I agree. The story glorifies the military by making them not the incompetent fools of the book, but as a scary and somewhat incompetent organisation. And this does glorify them. By making them seem scary, they are made to be powerful and impressive. This is perhaps best seen with Yossarian's attempts to avoid going to Bologna. In the show, they are disciplined, shouted at by Cathcart in a moment of genuine impressiveness and authority by the otherwise cartoonish Colonel who asked why they hadn't bombed the Vatican. They are singled out and humiliated in front of all the men, and the military, with Cathcart standing as its head, is, for an impressive and memorable moment, a force to be reckoned with. The message is clear. Being scared is understandable, but cowardice is not. Taking the military for fools with a broken radio is not.

You may remember that a little while ago I was talking about Kid Sampson's death, and I mentioned the shocked face of a character. I don't know who that character was! I'm guessing Dunbar or Nately, but I really don't know. That was a recurring theme for me in the show. There was so little characterisation, and so little time spent on the characters that they simply were not memorable. In a show where the costuming can't be especially creative - they're all in the same uniform - characterisation and letting the audience get to know the characters is extremely important, otherwise they will just forget them. In the book, the characters are not forgettable. Heller uses the little idiosyncrasies and his descriptions of the various characters to create a large and memorable cast. That was missing in the show. I knew who Kid Sampson was from the book, and I could identify him because of the book, but I swear he had not come up before in any sort of memorable way in the show. McWatt's actions seem strange in the show - in character only in that he has little character. In the book it is well established that he is an amazing pilot, and one who frequently flies low to buzz the men. Him showing off and buzzing Kid Sampson makes sense in the book. None of the characters are well formed except the more cartoonish and 2D ones, Yossarian, and Nurse Duckett, who serves as his love interest in the show.

The show also just isn't that funny. A lot of the jokes in Catch-22 are so good because of how subtle and dark they are, because of how surreal and contextual they are. The entire bit with the tomatoes never fails to at least make me smile, and I did not have that same experience in the show. The best part for me was the scene in one of the early episodes where Cathcart berates the men for failing to blow up a building, before being informed that that is Vatican City, and that it's neutral ground, and he has to do an abrupt about-face and begin congratulating the men for not blowing it up. That is one scene in show. And while there were other parts that made me smile, nothing else was really actually funny.

This isn't everything that can be criticised about the show, and how it fails as an adaptation of Catch-22, but this is most of what I picked up on on my first watch. There is much more I could talk about, and more depth that I could go into on everything, but I simply don't want to. The show isn't bad. It's just not Catch-22.

I don't especially want to spend ages talking about a show that I thought was just fine - who am I - HBomberguy? The reasons that this show invoked such a reaction in me, a person who is normally quite casual about adaptations - if it works, it works - are in many ways deeply personal. An adaptation is not a copy after all, and some things have to be sacrificed when translating a work from book to TV show. Catch-22 is not a book that easily makes a film. It is long and convoluted and, quite honestly, has too many characters and perspectives to be an easy film or show to make, and while it would make an easier show than a film, the 2019 show makes a close adaptation harder for itself by being a mini-series.

This is not to say the book is perfect - no piece of media truly can be, and Catch-22 certainly isn't. But Catch-22 the book is better - or at least different - from it's 2019 adaptation, and I think that needs to be acknowledged more than it is. As I said in the beginning, Catch-22 deserves far more people ranting about how great it is, and this show is not one I would go as far to recommend. I enjoyed it (mostly), but it's a like, rather than a love for me. This show would not make me want to read the book, because the show doesn't stand out, and it definitely doesn't stand out in a way that would coin a phrase and bring it into daily lexicon. I knew what a catch-22 was, and had used it casually in conversation before I ever knew of the book, and this show just wouldn't do the same. Overall, as an original piece of media, the show would be decent - one I'd maybe tell others to watch, but as an adaptation it pales in comparison to the book, and thus simply isn't good enough to get above a 3/5 from me.

[byulsgrease]

if you arent too busy, can you write a idol!hwasa x idol!reader, wherein they both have to practice with each other for a special stage. However on the first meeting they become starstruck and cant believe somethings are real, but soon warm up to each other?

i'm not terribly busy but this still took a while anyway oops - sorry this took so long anon! here you go :D

if anyone has requests for the other members hmu cuz I've got 2 more hyejin reqs after this one (not that I'm complaining)

"who says we can't do something on our own?"

(hwasa x idol!reader, ~1.2k words)

cw: food + alcohol mention (y'all know how it is)

I named someone Minjeong - it's not Aespa's Winter, idk anything about 4th gen gg's - 민정 is my Korean name so it's just what came to mind

"Hey, wake up. You've gotta see this. GET UP," a voice piercing through the fog of your sleep.

What a rude awakening. Your shoulders being shaken vigorously by a pair of small hands meant they belonged to none other than Minjeong, your youngest group member. You rolled over to glare menacingly at her with one eye open, trying to pull your brain out of the slumber. All you could see was the bright light of her phone shining in your eyes - a video of some kind. But then you heard the audio:

"Have you seen the clip?" asked the interviewer.

"Yes, my members and many MooMoos made sure I saw it"— Moos? Oh, it's Hwasa. WAIT. Both your eyes flew open as you sat up and snatched Jeongie's phone out of her hand to stare at the video. Your mind immediately flashed back to the interview you did last week - they asked who you most wanted to collaborate with, if there were no limitations. Your ears started to heat up at the sheer thought of the flustered mess of an answer you gave - of course you said Hwasa. Both of you debuted relatively close to each other, within a year, but never interacted much over the years. Mamamoo as a group was a force to be reckoned with, but there was just something about Hwasa specifically. You mostly just admired her unique singing voice and undeniable stage presence, and her relentless drive to always be herself in an industry constantly trying to fit women into a box.

Finally snapping out of re-living that embarrassment, your attention turned back to the phone in your hand. The interviewer must've asked her to send a message in response to you, because you couldn't believe that she was waving and saying, "How haven't we gotten to know each other better over all these years? I'd love to work with you on something sometime," curtly dipping her head in a slight bow.

"SEE? You needed to see that," Minjeong rushed to say, full of energy. "And close your mouth, your jaw's on the floor," jokingly pointing.

You side-eyed her and shut your mouth. "Is this what Loco felt like when she called him during Hyena on the Keyboard?" you wondered aloud.

"At least she's not calling you while on camera," she commented, knowing full well that you'd probably embarrass yourself again if she did. "But hey, at least she noticed you! Can I have my phone back now?" It would be a dream come true to collaborate with her, but cross-company collabs... always a pain. that couldn't be helped. The fantasy abruptly ended with demands from your rumbling stomach. Done with your what-if's, you placed the phone back in your maknae's outstretched hand to get up and make breakfast.

~~~~

With award show season rolling around, the crazy scramble of rehearsing for special live stages without leaking sets and collabs began. Checking your email that morning showed a schedule to record the backing track for a special live stage, but that was it. With who? You texted your members a screenshot, but they all told you that block of time in their schedule was empty. A solo stage? The solo mini-album you released this cycle did relatively well, the title track got a music show win, but not a multi-week chart-topper by any means. Possibilities turning over in your mind, you stepped out from your place to head to the company, totally in the dark about what was in store.

The recording studio always smelled the same along with the couches, a comfort for all the insanely long nights and crack-of-dawn early mornings over the years. With a bit of time to kill, you plopped down on one and gingerly patted the worn cushions as some kind of symbolic thank-you for supporting you (literally).

A hesitant but loud knock sent your gaze directly to the door. Watching it slowly open, you leaned forward to see who it was. Needless to say, your jaw fell to the floor again as you clapped a hand over your gaping mouth, eyes widening. Like a soldier obeying a command, you immediately stood up as straight as possible and bowed profusely at Hwasa, sporting a very similar expression on her face (which you failed to notice, your mind running a million miles a minute).

After a series of frantic bows and miscellaneous utterances to each other, she spoke. "It's nice to finally meet you," she said with calm, surveying your frenzied state. "I guess we're granting that collab wish from your interview, huh?"

The red-hot embarrassment leapt to your face. "I...I definitely made a fool of myself answering that question. And our maknae showed me your interview clip too, which was cool, but never did I think it would actually happen," you stammered. I should probably stop talking.

"Well, here I am," she half-smiled coolly. "Let's get started, I'm really looking forward to finally work with you on this," a gleam in her eye and a hint of excitement in her voice.

The studio suddenly felt a lot smaller with her in it, despite there only being your managers, the producer, and the both of you - less people than you and your members alone. Both of you remained relatively quiet the whole time, rather unsure of what to say or talk about. You watched enough MMMTV to know that all the members on their own were shyer than together, and Hwasa knew the same was true for you. But the work basically took care of itself, seamlessly taking turns in the recording booth, witnessing each other's work style and process. The both of you knew your way in front of a mic, seasoned professionals by now. Upon wrapping up, you bowed politely to each other after a quick exchange of KaTalk info, a short and sweet goodbye.

That was... anticlimactic. I mean, it's finally happening - I can't believe it. But maybe I was too idealistic about maybe creating a meaningful relationship with her outside of work... What does she think of me?

~~~~

In the days leading up to the collab stage, you kept going back and forth on whether to reach out or not, despite now being in possession of her contact info. What would you even say? Thoughts of a witty one-liner or relatable meme came to mind, but maybe she'd assume the worst - that you were clout-chasing, or something. Anxieties abuzz, your phone vibrated in your pocket. The KaTalk notification sprawled across your screen. Speak of the devil, it's her.

"Hey, awards season has me stressed. I know you must pretty busy right now too, but I somehow get off early tomorrow if you wanna grab dinner after work?" You had to reread that one. Oh, what? She's inviting me?

Trying not to be weird about responding too quickly, you typed out, "Wow, yeah, that sounds great! ^^ wait, your company doesn't care about you going out to eat during award season?"

"nah, they stopped having that kind of control over us a while ago, we are the money-maker of the company, after all 😏"

"so I guess this means they don't check your phone either ㅋㅋㅋ"

"nope :)"

You proceeded to set a time and place to meet, someplace with meat.

In the process of feasting on an inordinate amount of gopchang imbued with a splash of beer, you learned a fair amount about each other. You talked career, professional aspirations, the weird habits of your members, and more. What surprised you most was the amount of things she already knew about you, having admitted to watching some of your behind-the-scenes content after seeing your interview clip.

"Ah... I'm sorry if I came across as distant during that first recording session," she confessed, pausing to sip her beer. "I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, I felt a little star-struck."

"Oh what?? I felt the exact same, so no worries - and sorry if I came off similarly distant," you rambled back. A bit of silence fell between you, acknowledging the mutual sentiment. You spoke up after a bit, "Thanks for inviting me out tonight, I didn't realize how much I needed this."

"Thank you for making the time, I had fun getting to know you better," she articulated with a smile. "Maybe it'll make the collab stage better," she added on jokingly. You responded with a nod and expression of mutual affirmation.

~~~~

After that, messaging each other became a regular occurrence, that gopchang outing having broken the ice. Honestly, you tried your best to talk about anything besides work, but the baseline of shared understanding connected you in a way that came more naturally than it did with your non idol friends.

You stood across the way from her at the sound check for the final stage, dressed in joggers and slides. Funny to think that you'd be recording this for real in a couple hours, making eyes with the blinking red light on the cameras surrounding you. It sucks that fans wouldn't get to experience the energy and atmosphere of the performance - Hyejin alone is one thing, but adding someone else into her stage presence? Unmatched. There's nothing quite like a live performance - and while you knew everyone in the industry dealt with the consequences of the pandemic, it certainly took a toll to perform and not feel the energy from fans. But realistically, nothing you could do about it. The sound check went over smooth like butter. The stage chemistry came flowing naturally between you both, even when bare-faced and dressed in just sweats.

And when the time came for the actual filming, you both absolutely killed it, an upbeat mash-up of TWIT and your title track. At the very end came a sliver of hesitation before throwing your arms around each other with a big smile for the ending fairy, proud of the work you accomplished together, and a mental fist-pump to yourself for making friends with one of the industry's finest.

Once again walking to a restaurant that served mostly meat to celebrate, you playfully proposed, "We... should do that again sometime." A little puff of air came out her nose in amusement.

"Yeah, we should. Too bad we're gonna have to wait a whole cycle before we can release anything else together again," she sighed longingly.

"Who says we can't do something on our own?"

[crhinge]

Breaking Down The Classic Rom-Com

I feel like I haven’t written a fun post in a hot sec so lets talk about one of my favorite subjects: Rom Coms

According to wikipedia, a Rom Com, also known as Romantic Comedy, is “a subgenre of comedy and slice-of-life fiction, focusing on lighthearted, humorous plot lines centered on romantic ideas, such as how true love is able to surmount most obstacles.” In the past, Romantic Comedies have also been called “Chick Flicks” but I think this is devaluing of both women and  the romantic comedy genre. 

The other day, I woke up to find that the most wholesome rom-com couple of all time reunited: Matty & Jenna (Aka Mark Ruffalo & Jennifer Garner). This got me thinking about the beauty of the Rom-Com and how unappreciated they can be. It has been years since we have seen a rom-com with the cultural impact of 13 Going on 30, and I would like to petition for more of them after a sad and painful year. 

I can already hear the millions (in my head this blog is extremely popular) of comments “What about To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before?!?” “What about The Kissing Booth?!?” And too that I say, "Good Riddance!” If you’re rating your rom coms on a TATBILB scale, or even WORSE The Kissing booth, I feel sorry for you. Truly I do. So let's dive into the best Rom Coms of all time, but first... 

What makes a Rom-Com good? Well let's start with a relatable as hell main character. I am talking a girl (sometimes guy), who has many flaws, but the audience can see themselves within her/him. Let's use Jenna Rink from 13 Going On 30 as an example. Well, she's literally a 13 year old in a 30 year olds body, but don’t we all still have a preteen hiding inside of all of us? She is 100% willing to be herself at every step, even if that means dancing thriller all alone. She touches on all of our insecurities, while teaching us how to break down our walls. 

Rom-Coms also need characters to make realistic choices. This does not mean that the movie itself is realistic, but rather than you can understand the choices the characters make. Again, 13 going on 30 does a fabulous job of this. Obviously, Jenna traveling in time because of wishing powder is not realistic, but the choices that her and her past self make are. Due to the insecurities of her childhood and a need to feel included, relevant, and powerful Jenna pushes important people out of her life, which happens to so many people in the real world. These decisions force her to miss out on the love of her life, and ultimately, the story ends sadly: the love of her life marries someone else and she is left with tears, wishing powder, and an old doll house. That is until she is able to travel back in time and change the course of her life. 

Lastly, Every classic Rom-Com couple needs to have chemistry. There. I said it. Hollywood loves just casting random famous actors without giving them a proper chemistry read. One great example of this is Julianne Hough and Josh Duhamel in Safe Haven. Both fun, famous, Hollywood actors who have zero chemistry. Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Garner had more chemistry throwing back Razzles than those two did during an intimate sex scene. 

Alright, now that we have broken down the requirements of a Romantic Comedy, let's jump into the best and worst of all time.

Best: When Harry Met Sally. 9/10. A classic. A tale as old as time. Both Sally & Harry are very flawed, yet relatable characters. Sally is too picky and particular, while Harry is a player. They both suck at relationships, but make rational decisions based on their motivations. We all have friends like these two and their chemistry is on point, both on a friendship and romantic level. They bounce off of one another splendidly. 

Worst: Sleepless in Seattle. 1/10 I know, this is a strong take, but this is a terrible movie about a stalker. Meg Ryan (I don’t even remember her character's name) is the stupidest most unrelatable character I have seen in a long time. She is extremely unlovable, cheats on her SO emotionally, and flies across the country to stalk a man that she has never met before. And then you’re telling me that Tom hanks FALLS FOR HER? Nope. No. I refuse to except this. Plus, their chemistry in this is pretty mediocre (You’ve Got Mail is Way Better) and we only get to see them together once. 

Best: 10 Things I Hate About You. 8/10. I was tempted to leave all high School Rom-Coms off this list, but Heath Ledger is my exception. Talk about likability. Kat is a strong, powerful, independent woman who learns how to be more vulnerable while still being a feminist badass. We all wanted to be Kat growing up. Meanwhile Heath Ledger is the classic bad boy with a soft side, and who wasn’’t into that? Both characters grow into new people throughout the movie making them relatable, complex, and realistic. Not to mention the angel that is Joseph Gordon Levitt, who keeps the audience up beat and smiling throughout the course of this Shakespeare tale

Best: My Big fat Greek Wedding. 10/10.  Have you seen this film recently? Because it is an absolute DELIGHT and so relatable. It dives into the difficulty of family expectation and cultures merging. It also has the cutest proposal of all time with a realistic couple that fights for one another on a daily basis. You laugh. You cry. You get a dynamic cast with wonderful chemistry. You feel invested in the family and the relationship. Just a joyful wonderful film.

Worst: Something Borrowed. 0/10. If you’ve never seen this movie, don’t. Ginnifer Goodwin sleeps with her best friends fiancé and we’re supposed to be okay with it because she liked him first. Hard pass. And she ignores John Krazinski who is right in front of her. She is unlikable, unreliable, and makes dumb decisions that no one else would. 

Best: He’s just not that into you. 9/10  I will go to bat for this movie. It follows several realistic storylines in a Love Actually manor, except they actual seem legit. A woman realizing her boyfriend is never going to marry her. A girl facing the fact that maybe some guys just aren’t that into her, and she isn’t an exception to the rule. A man slowly making the decision to cheat on his wife as they are growing apart. A woman realizing that she is worth way more than her bastard husband. A woman realizing that the person she’s sleeping with will never leave his wife for her. It's compelling, has realistic characters that we can relate to, and still warms your heart in the end. 

Best: The Big Sick. 8/10. Okay to be fair, this is based on a true story so it automatically has realistic characters and decisions. Maybe I should leave this off of the list, but I wish this film got the recognition it deserves. Two lovable main characters who make mistakes that are understandable. Wonderful chemistry between Kumail and his girlfriend as well as her family. 

Best: About Time. 11/10 This is hands down the best Rom-Com of all time and Potentially the best film of all time as well. If you don’t cry in this movie you do not have a heart or soul. The characters are SO insanely likable and adorable.It touches on the importance of family and valuing time and how little of it we have. The chemistry within the whole cast is palpable, and we can all relate to at least one character, whether it is the protagonist Tim, his wife Mary, his sister Kit-Kat, or his father. 

Well it is important to point out the obvious here: this list is lacking diversity in a huge way. All but one of these movies follow a cis, straight, white couple, and that is extremely concerning. People have attempted to make more diverse rom-coms over the past few years, but they all seem to be lacking one of the three core components of what makes a rom-com great: Relatable, realistic, and great chemistry. For example. Crazy Rich Asians was a fantastic film, but the high level of wealth that Nick Young comes from, made his character difficult to relate to, and I’m sorry but the chemistry just wasn’t there for me. Always Be My Maybe’s characters fell flat and it’s not a film I would want to watch more than once. Love Simon made some huge waves for LGBTQ representation in the media, but that ending kiss was unrealistic along with his friends reaction to fining out he was lying, which left the movie anti-climactic by the end. 

Now, the most recent film on this list was made in 2017. And before that 2013. So where have all the Rom Coms gone? Why don’t we see more of them. There are a few Rom Coms that could be contenders on the “Best” list from the last couple of years that include a small amount of diversity: 

Yesterday 7/10. The big question here is does this count as a romantic comedy? The love story isn’t the main plot, but is definitely a large sub-plot. This movie features an interracial couple and is highly re-watchable. The main characters are entertaining, relatable, and have pretty good chemistry. We will see if it stands the test of time. 

The Broken Hearts Gallery 7/10. This movie has gotten NO recognition. The main character, Lucy, is an extremely likable 20 something, not unlike our Ginnifer Goodwin in He’s Just not that Into You. The plot is fun and predictable but keeps you watching. I don’t know if this one will stay on my list long, but it’s definitely up there. 

But here is my challenge to Hollywood: create some new, beautiful Rom Coms that celebrate diversity but that don’t throw away the relatable, realistic, and high chemistry characters that we are just waiting to fall in love with. It’s got like 16 ideas up my sleeve, so just give me a call Hollywood. 

[rrasado]

No Spider Lilies : I

|| Act 2 of The Snapping ||

A/N: Ara? What’s this? I never thought I’d find myself wanting to actually re-end this accidental series dksjsn but...I wasn’t satisfied and frankly I’m craving an even more sorrowful route. Who knows? After all...this all deviates from the main story line in game. As usual I shall provide any necessary trigger warnings to ensure a safe reading for you all 💙🌒💙. Pleas tell if you want to be part of a tag list for the next parts. I’ll be using my past tag list as basis but if you don’t wanna be tagged next time don’t hesitate to tell me ^ ^.

Tagging: @starshiningsirius @dittoqueeno @thatweirdomidas @bnhastakenover

__________________________________________

And when death do them part…

...would it really fulfill that cruelty?

Storm clouds formed high above, raindrop cascading down on everything on the face of the earth indiscriminately. The residents of that lamenting house deep in the Devildom never really cared for such details lest it concerned them and their doings directly. At least...that was when they didn’t know how to care, so what happened?

__________________________________________

The records...the way the aged parchment felt in the exchange student’s hand just signified the reality of the parchment’s contents. No excuse can dismiss such news, especially one of this degree… They could barely speak in the moment, a few deafeningly silent minutes passed before they peered up at the Devildom prince’s own butler.

“I...thank you Barbatos…”

Their gratitude was much more meaningful than at face value, the scale of the revelation they had just received isn’t something to be taken lightly and since it especially concerns them, well…

“I trust that you’re taking all of it in?... I can only imagine how you feel right after...certain prior events.”

They both knew what the time bonded demon was referring to, after all it was him who escorted them to their new place of residence for the rest of their stay here at the Devildom. Hah..that was already two months ago. Now that they thought of it...Barbatos have always been there for them huh? The reveal...the dorm transfer requesting...and now this. Whether it was due to his time related prowess or sheer coincidence which- they honestly dismissed after everything that has come to play- the human was grateful.

“Yeah...I think...I’m actually thankful for this”

Barbatos blinked for a good few good seconds before arching a brow at their proclamation. Thankful? Does the human not know what the contents make of them? His confusion was brought to a close when MC casually waved the parchment, it’s sounds accompanied by the night wind that whizzed past the two in front of Purgatory Hall.

“I feared the worst, humans tend to...be easily toppled by the unexpected per se...Then again you are the great exception”

“Eheh I’m honored you hold me in high regard. Because it’ll make my next proposal a bit easier”

And yet again, the butler’s confusion returned, proposal? Well after everything that has spiraled leading up to where they stand it honestly wasn’t that far fetched to him, so with an affirmative nod he gestured for them to continue.

“Hearing of it won’t hurt, what is it you wish then?”

He didn’t miss the way MC’s lips tugged upward in subtle relief. The human’s gaze quickly flickered back to the contents of the parchment and without looking up they spoke.

“Can I count on you if I need to make a wretched departure?”

De...parture? He had a hunch but he needs more context…

“In what sense does this departure fall on for you to need my assistance?”

“Hm...a departure that looks grimmer to those you choose to be grim to.”

The two turned their heads to thewhite haired sorcerer. An ever knowing smirk on his expression as he stood there arms crossed. How long has he been eavesdropping? Not that MC minded...after all they’ve grown to actually trust the shady sorcerer along with the other two angelic residents of Purgatory Hall.

“Truth be told, I've been conducting research of my own… and to a pleasant surprise it seems my lead was not entirely off!”

Childish tone aside, his gaze showed no sign of jest nor kid. In one flick of his finger the old parchment apparated within Solomon’s grasp. And if possible the smug aura on his features grew twofold along with an amused chuckled escaping his parted lips. My oh my did he always manage to come so close yet far..

“Would you believe me if I said I was prepared to act on my pact in the making of this negotiation?”

“Fufufu I do believe that we’re still in the phase of hearing this proposal... I have yet to bestow a verdict so you shouldn’t speak so mightily Solomon.”

“And if I may continue..”

..

…

…..

“...I see…”

The sheer collateral damage at stake is something of its own degree when not tended to with precise caution. He's only delivered the news tonight and yet it was as if they’ve been concucting such a proposition for a considerable amount of time. Then again...the sorcerer did mention doing his own antics regarding the subject.

“With all that said...Barbatos, will you lend us a hand or a place at blade point?”

His shoulders rose and fell with the seconds that passed before he gave a slow curt nod at the two humans.

“Hm… if it means something, the young Lord did vow behind closed doors that he shall keep all the exchange students safe no matter what it may cost...and seeing as it will technically align with my duties..”

A chorus of amused laughter spilled from the magicless human, lips curled into a grin whilst the sorcerer could only let out a chuckle or two.

“Barbatos, I thank you. I know you won’t state it as is but, your help is very much appreciated”

“It really is, and it puts me at ease knowing I have you on our side in this whole issue…”

“If I may...I’d like to evaluate this more into much prefaced details. Would it be alright if we were to properly prepare this? After all...this especially concerns you, MC”

Said human gave an affirmative nod as their hands clasped behind their back, fiddling with their own exposed fingers as the late night breeze passed the three of them yet again.

“It’s best we all retire...who knows what’ll happen if we idle out here any longer, an interesting sight to see this particular roster of residents out of premises at this hour noh?”

“Point taken...well we’ll see you next time Barb”

“Yes...I bid you two a good evening and a hopefully peaceful night.”

A wish so innocent yet truthfully hard to attain...especially with the cruel revelation that brought the three of them together in the first place. They should learn to tread carefully from here on out. At least...that’s what Solomon thought. That same night breeze had passed the gardens, among which were multiple blossoms yet to bloom, all but one crimson lily...

__________________________________________

And from a starry night it all flickers to that unforgiving herd of rain clouds, their own right of sorrow spiraling along with those that received their cold moist. If followed...those raindrops fall onto someone crouched form, in front of a chipped tombstone amidst any ordinary cemetery that lays barren with the weather.

A lone umbrella covered the crouched form, rendering any other incoming rain from soaking the tuft of white hair any further. Mammon didn’t need to look up and see who it was offering cover. Levi didn’t care whether he himself got wet and frankly not even the rain water on his skin put him at any ease whatsoever. No one could be comforted at this point… And whatever it was to put the usually bickering brothers in such hushed silence…

“We gotta get going y’know…”

“...five more mins…”

“Lucifer is getting restless the more you push your luck-“

“Then let him dammit”

Levi didn’t even bother questioning his brother's lack of fear for the first born. Normally he would’ve made fun of it but… when his orange hued gaze fell on to what was even engraved on the chipped tombstone. It didn’t sit right with him, heck it didn’t sit right with any of them. And who could blame them...the guilt crawling on their backs never left when they saw them leave the House of Lamentation. At some point they thought of...eventually getting closure, some of them even had plans.

But now they won’t be able to attain such desirable closure, not when...they aren’t there to listen to their pathetic pleas.

A good few distance away from them was the Avatar of Wrath, observing all of his brothers from the side as he always had. His eyes flickered to each of their situations, emerald orbs not letting a single twitch of an eye nor brow going unnoticed. If allowed to be honest, he found them all utterly pathetic… and he’s already filtered out most dark thoughts that have plagued his mind. Besides, they deserved this, this torment didn’t compare to what those on the opposite end of their mistakes felt. He had every right to speak of so. Thankful for the cover the rain provided he took a sharp step to the side, turning his whole body to the other direction that had garnered a scoff of attention from the the laxer twin.

“..where are you going?”

Hearing Belphie’s question had Satan stop monetarily in his tracks, and without looking back at him he muttered a quick ‘somewhere’ before resuming his strides towards the direction of the cemetery gates.

Belphegor watched the blonde's figure go farther from where he stood, turning his attention back to his twin with a numb look on his features.

“It’s odd…”

A brow was raised at the sudden statement, but at the same time he completely understood what the glutton meant.

Their eyes setting sight on the tombstone mammon and Levi were idling in front of… ‘ A beloved friend and family’ written on the very same tombstone. MC’s full name carved elegantly on its face that used to seem so unreal when they first arrived but, the longer the twins looked the more it actually sank into them.

The human is dead.

Lilith’s descendant is dead.

Beel couldn’t even manage to stomach his food, he knew there was something off when he felt a sudden snuff of energy in the atmosphere that day. Not only him but all of them did...and to think it was actually this.

The guilt kept stacking.

But hidden in their walls of guilt the fourth brother allowed himself to be led towards the cemetery gates, left to his own grim thoughts he couldn’t help but to wonder if..all this will be for the better or for the worse… and in a fraction of a second he was snapped out of his thoughts. The flicker of a shadow barely registering in his peripheral vision..

.hah...

...He wished them all goodluck

__________________________________________

Me, a few months ago:

I’m a clown I know-

As always y’all know the drill, just say if any of you wanna be tagged in the next part ^ ^.

[stillness-in-green]

MVA In Memoriam (3/5)

The Comprehensive Account of the Butchering of My Villain Academia

(Introduction and Part One, Episode 108: My Villain Academia) (Part Two, Episode 109: Revival Party)

Part Three, Episode 110: Sad Man's Parade

Chapter 229 – All It Takes Is One Bad Day

• The full first page, of Jin getting mobbed by Puppet!Jins, them tearing his mask off, and flinging it and then him away. Saved them a bit of budget, I suppose, but it’s a shame to lose the drama and the violence of Twice having his mask pulled away, since it’s decent foreshadowing (indeed, possibly intentionally so, on Skeptic’s part) for the violent bewilderment he’ll be subject to shortly.

• Re-Destro’s line, “Not when he’s using his meta-ability to puppeteer, unless you want another nagging lecture.” They didn’t keep the first nagging lecture, so of course they wouldn’t keep this. I’m still annoyed, both on general principle and at the loss of RD’s implication that these nagging lectures are a regular occurrence, especially if one tries to bother Skeptic when he’s using his meta-ability. Has RD himself been on the receiving end of one? Possibly so! But you’d be less likely to think so just from the anime.

• Re-Destro’s line, “This allowed our warriors to momentarily hold back and stay out of danger.” Because why would the audience need to know that Skeptic planned for and Re-Destro cares enough to observe something like that lol?? Obviously the MLA is perfectly content to just throw their peoples’ lives away because, whatever, more where that came from! Dammit, anime, the fandom believes this enough as it is without confirmation bias from your cuts!

• Skeptic’s “fufufu” laugh, because the anime is allergic to the MLA having fun.

• The police officer’s line, “Sure, but in a case like this, you’re still to blame.” The rest of the exchange hints at it, of course, but there’s a horrifying callousness to a police officer just saying straight to the face of a teenaged orphan facing his first offense, “Yes, you were obeying the law perfectly and this guy just ran out in front of you, but it’s going on your criminal record anyway, whatever.” A weight the anime lost, and another that makes me very suspicious of the patterns behind what, precisely, was put on the chopping block.[1]

• Jin’s narration, “That police officer couldn’t have known. Me neither.” Demonstrates that Jin doesn’t really hold his fall against the one policeman. It’s a consistent thread with Jin’s character that, while he’s very jaded, he’s not actually vengeful, nor is he looking to enact systemic change. While he’s very defensive of his friends, people who hurt Jin himself are never in any real danger of him coming to collect his pound of flesh in return; he just rolls with it as part of how the world works, in the way of someone who was never given reason to believe any different. This line is a good example of that.

• From Jin’s old employer’s angry rant, deletes the note that the client that called is angry, and that the client said, “That young punk of yours did this!” It’s nothing that wasn’t obvious from the rest of the conversation, but I do I think cutting it loses a sense that this guy is just unloading all of his frustration and fear on Jin. The length of the screed, the extra details—it clearly communicates that Jin’s boss is so angry and upset he’s not paying any real mind to filtering, but just recounting every point of contention the moment they come into his mind.

• In modern society, when you’re someone without roots… Well, not a lot of people can relate to that.” It isn’t just the police that failed Jin; it’s a whole society that’s distrustful of people who don’t have a place in the fabric, and thus are unwilling to try and bring them into it. Like Tenko, there are a thousand little places where someone could have reached out a hand, but no one ever did. The audience can intuit this, but I feel it’s better to be clear about it—it’s not just the legal system that screwed Jin over; it’s every other person that never tried to help him because they were afraid of his eyes or distrusted a guy who had no connections. When Shigaraki comes, he’s not going to be coming for heroes alone; he’ll be coming for this entire tapestry of indifference and timidity.

• Skeptic’s lines, “Hrm? Fighting back? I was sure he’d either flee or cower in place... We didn’t anticipate such unity between them.” This gets at two things. Firstly, and once again, that the MLA did their research; that they came into this with educated expectations and a definite plan. Secondly, an in-character observation of what the arc has been showing the audience all along: that the League isn’t just a disparate gang of hoodlums anymore; that they’re developing real bonds. Those bonds mark them as unusual—Re-Destro comments on it in 223, as did Overhaul in 147; even Mr. Compress remarks disapprovingly on Twice’s “habit” of getting overly attached to people. It’s striking that, even though the MLA knew from Giran’s records that the League was uncommonly well-bonded, Twice’s devotion still fell outside Skeptic’s parameters.[2]

• Again Skeptic’s line, “Now his legs.” The drones don’t actually get this far (though you can see them gearing up for it on the next page), so it’s a reasonable enough cut, but it does emphasize the ludicrous, over-the-top extremes Skeptic in particular is willing to go to in securing what he wants. If, you know, “Kidnap the doubler so we have a method to make copies of the Grand Commander at our leisure,” wasn’t bonkers enough.

• Twice’s line, “Even against Gigantomachia!” It really highlights just how much mental energy Twice has been dedicating to avoiding injury, that he was able to keep it in mind even fighting a foe as overwhelming, and for as extended a period, as Machia. And like, the anime blitzed over the Machia fight so quickly, and with so little visible wear and tear to the League, that it really could have used all the reminders it could find room for about how intense those six weeks were.

• Twice’s line, “I won’t watch a friend die!” Such an important line that the composer named an entire track for it, not that the anime gave us that track in the moment it was clearly scored for. They added in a new line later in the scene which mostly gets the important sentiments back in, but loses out in being slightly less fitting to his breakthrough. See the Additions portion of the write-up on Chapter 230, following.

Framing Shifts

• The policeman in Jin’s flashback looked up at him in the anime, where in the manga, his eyes stay down on his paperwork the entire time. I realize that anime can’t just still-frame every panel of a manga and call it an adaptation,[3] so characters will do things like move and look around in different directions just in the course of inhabiting a room, Still, in this case, it has the effect of making the officer look more alert and engaged than he was in the manga, and given that this whole chunk of backstory is about Jin slipping through the social safety net, it feels appropriate to me that the officer should be completely checked out.

Additions

• A new shot of Jin(s) in his pre-massacre doppelganger army days. Didn’t tell us anything we don’t already know—it’s little more than a new angle of the gang in the truck—but it was nice to see.

Bonus Note

• They left Re-Destro’s phrase, “My company,” alone when he was talking about the micro-transceivers Skeptic was using. That’s accurate to the manga, but I’d like to remind everyone that, at that point in the anime, viewers whose only reference is the anime itself have no idea that Re-Destro is a businessman. The show skipped the commercial, RD’s intro, the dinner scene where his company comes up, and Giran’s association of RD with Detnerat; it will further go on to skip Shigaraki recognizing him from the commercial. The news report mentioning Detnerat was ten full episodes prior to Episode 110, and was followed up on in not the faintest degree. For heaven’s sake, would it have been so hard to have Hirata Hiroaki say, “My Detnerat’s,” instead of just, “My company’s”?

Chapter 230 – Sad Man’s Parade

• Deleted the MLA members that are attacking Compress as they get pushed off by the Twice wave. Not the first time, and not the last, that the anime didn’t animate the random MLA people on the street. It’s hard to take the threat of their numbers seriously when the anime kept deleting them from what are supposed to be crowd scenes, you know?

• Mr. C thinking worriedly about Dabi as he’s mulling over Geten’s strength and disregard for catching his own people in the collateral damage. It’s just a, “Dabi—!” but it’s yet another tiny cut that shaves away at the manga’s clear depiction of Leagues’ concern for one another—even Mr. Compress, who claims that such things aren’t very villainous.

Framing Shifts

• Changed the random MLA’s exhortation to kill all the Twices to a generic, “Damn—!” I know American censors have often taken issue with the words “Kill” and “Die” in kids’ cartoons, but I was never of the impression that that was the case in Japan. And it’s not like the show made any bones about Curious planning to kill Toga. A rephrase to save a second and a half on dialogue, maybe?

• Had Skeptic give his lines about failure on the way over to the elevator instead of stalking over in silence, and then dumping the whole monologue all at once. The manga’s extended silence over three identically sized panels is much funnier and more characterful. I grow ever more confident in my assessment of Skeptic as the second-most ill-treated MLA character in this adaptation.

• The return of the Doom Choirs for the Twice Parade. I really wish the anime would lay off slathering Doom Choirs all over everything, especially a moment like this: a triumph for Twice, and, true to form for Twice, also crammed to the gills with visual and verbal gags. The Doom Choir is out of keeping with both the victory and the comedy—Mine Woman, later on, served the Parade much better.

Additions

• Gave Twice a new line, “I will protect my comrades!” It was nice to make up for his, “I won’t watch a friend die!” but the latter is more characterful, especially since a more literal translation is, “I won’t kill my friends!” Which is, you know, relevant to the fact that Twice has problems telling himself apart from things that just look like him, and he just had to intervene to stop some of those look-alikes from killing one of said friends. At least it got his use of nakama back in.[4]

• A new little cut of animation as the action went back to Geten and Dabi. I suppose the Dabi fans liked it, and it was nice to see more of Geten’s ice dragon, but I’d have much preferred they could keep the scenes we already have before adding new ones.

Chapter 231 – Path

The scene of Hawks wondering why he hasn’t heard from Dabi and his subsequent flashback to the last time they spoke were relocated to the beginning of Episode 102, the first thing the audience saw after the prior episode ended with Shouto inviting Bakugou and Deku to come intern with him at Endeavor’s. In the manga, of course, it’s not “a few weeks ago in Kyushu,” it’s “meanwhile in Osaka.” Also, the order of the scenes was flipped—the episode led with the flashback, then returned to the modern day. It really makes the timeline needlessly confusing—the viewer has no real context for what we’re seeing and when, especially since the anime neglected to specify how much time passed between the two scenes. You have to assume it was enough time for an outcry to be raised over Jeanist’s disappearance, but the random shot of a bird flying over was not at all helpful there.

          Alterations included (as usual, outright removed material is in bold text):

          1. Cut Hawks’ thought, “That’s why you keep calling,” and his line, “What’s the job?” I know I should give a breakdown here about Hawks’ mentality and training, but I’m afraid I don’t have it in me to complain about any lines Takami Keigo loses. God knows the anime gives him plenty enough bonus material.

          2. Spliced in the flashback scene of Hawks reporting to the Commission from Chapter 243, but subtly changed it to suggest that it took place after the phonecall in which Dabi demanded Hawks kill a non-Endeavor top hero, rather than it taking place right after Hawks and Dabi’s first contact, which is what the manga implies.

          3. Deleted several key shots in the Jeanist apartment scene, with the effect of making Hawks way less creepy. We got an anime-original shot of his eyes, narrow and serious, but not either of the shots of his big, off-putting grin and widened eyes as he pulls a feather-blade on Jeanist. We also lost a shot of Jeanist turning to face him, framed between extended primaries of Hawks’ Fierce Wings. It’s not like the anime dropped the fake!Dead Jeanist plot, so I’m not sure why the shift, unless it’s just that they wanted to keep Hawks likable for the merch-buying crowd, not creepy and unsettling. And while I personally never believed that Hawks really killed Jeanist, a lot of people thought it was plausible, no doubt based on how off-kilter he comes across in this scene. It loses a real frisson, to just play it straight.

• Shigaraki decaying a missile in mid-air. So Dabi can get those little animation flourishes but Tomura can’t, huh, anime? I see how it is. I. See. How. It. Is.

• Spinner’s little side comment about all the ice everywhere. A nice demonstration that Geten and Dabi’s fight really is affecting huge swathes of the city; that’s certainly apparent already in a bunch of the wide shots showing exactly that, but it’s helpful to have the more zoomed-in moments, too. Also, I do enjoy those little side quips wherever we get them, and the anime often removes them.

• Thinned out the crowd guarding the route to the tower somewhat (it’s particularly noticeable on the mid-distance rooftops) and, as best I can tell, removed Shigaraki and Spinner from the shot. Why keep all the lines harping on the 110,000 number when a) it’s not even accurate to the MLA’s forces, just the League’s assumptions, and b) the studio doesn’t even have the resources to adequately convey the numbers the manga does portray?

• Somebody in the crowd being defiant about Twice’s multiplication and vigorously declaring that the League are all just sacrifices for the MLA’s Revival Party anyway. The background nobodies? Allowed to express even bog-standard over-confidence? Well I never. How dare those people think their lives count enough for them to get dialogue.

• Spinner’s, “This keeps happening!” Of course he couldn’t have that line in the anime, since the anime cut the other big place Trumpet clearly used his power to rile up his followers. What other times were you even talking about when you said, “Every time he talks,” Anime!Spinner? That scene was the first time we even saw Trumpet since he welcomed you guys to town.

• Twice calling Re-Destro a cult leader. He just called him a damn moron (bakayarou) in the anime; he uses the considerably more specific baka kyouso (Google Translate gives “guru”; jisho gives “founder of a religious sect”). He uses the same term again immediately afterward—Viz’s translation gives, “More like chrome dome cult!”—which the anime also deleted.

          So here’s another example of the anime doing everything it could to erase the presence of cults in the HeroAca world. The easy assumption to make is that this was tied to broadcast standards about the depiction of what Japan refers to as “new religious movements,” which—and pardon the brief swerve into real life historical horrors here—have been very unpopular in Japan since Aum Shinrikyo and the sarin gas attacks in 1995. But were these elements removed because the anime didn’t want to represent anything that smacks of new religious movements at all, or because the depiction of both the MLA and particularly the CRC are explicitly villainous and calling religious movements, even made-up ones, evil on TV leads to a lot of angry phone calls?

• Re-Destro’s line, “Unlike my good Miyashita, there’s nothing charming about you.” Of course they’d cut this, having cut the Miyashita scene, but I hate it anyway. As I said earlier, RD’s invocation of Miyashita in front of two people who are going to have not the slightest clue who that is tells me that Re-Destro really does miss and feel bad about killing the guy. Cutting the reminder that RD still feels that sting makes it much too easy to assume that Shigaraki’s right about RD hiding up in his tower, uncaring of the blood shed on his behalf, when if you read Re-Destro with even the slightest of attempts at good faith, it’s clear that those losses weigh very heavily on him.

          Incidentally, and not to harp on the art again, but in the manga, Stress is still visibly spread down from RD’s temple to the ridge of his brow over his eye socket. The anime returned it back to its normal resting state, again suggesting that the death toll mounting in the streets below (as well as, possibly, the new stress of confronting a quirk as powerful as Double) left RD completely unmoved. The spread was back in the following shot, so it was probably just an art error, but it would be nice to have had fewer of those, especially when they impact characterization as much as what RD’s Stress blots are doing at any given time.

Framing Shifts

• Had Machia doing this weird cannonball skim just over the ground, when in the manga, he’s still half-buried, spraying earth and stone everywhere. The manga never namedrops Machia’s Mole quirk during the story itself, but it’s important to know for later that Machia can not only tear through obstacles, he can tear through obstacles extremely quickly.

Additions

• Gave Hawks a few new lines about how too many unexpected things happened for their last arrangement, and that Dabi should have given him more warning. Largely seemed to be there to give the anime an excuse to flashback to the High End fight, in case the viewers had completely forgotten about Hawks and Dabi having a clandestine meeting and sniping at each other in the aftermath of that event. An understandable addition, but deeply frustrating in the context of all the lines that got cut.

Chapter 232 – Meta Abilities and Quirks

• Dropped a third instance of Twice calling Re-Destro a cult leader. I don’t know what the S&P restriction is on this, but given that the movie was allowed to create and villainize an entire international terrorist cult, it is really incomprehensible that the MLA doesn’t get to keep their designation as such. Why?? Because the movie involves going out and defeating its cult, but the series is going to engage in a more sympathetic treatment?[5] Because the self-selecting movie crowd is less likely to complain than the TV audience? Did they just not want to draw attention to how much the movie was ripping off the MLA’s whole shtick? What??

• Missed that RD’s swole arm swipe wipes out the puppets Skeptic left behind; they just vanished from the scene entirely after Twice’s arrival. It’s hard to blame the anime for this; the manga also seems to lose track of the fact that they’re right there in between RD and the elevator—they’re nowhere to be seen anywhere between the end of Chapter 231 and the aforementioned arm swipe, where you can see them getting obliterated. Both versions could have stood to be more attentive to this; indeed, the anime could have fixed it, small error though it is.

• A sort of twitchy sparking around Shigaraki’s hand right after he decays the tower. This is foreshadowing that Shigaraki’s big AOE decay attacks are hard on his body, which will become extremely apparent after he unleashes it on the city at large during the climax, and factors into his decision to accept the mysterious power Ujiko offers. The damage Shigaraki sustains there doesn’t come out of nowhere; Horikoshi is, on the whole, extremely good at layering in foreshadowing many chapters before the foreshadowed elements come fully to light. It makes the writing look much messier than it actually is—more convenient, more pat—to delete this stuff.

• Shigaraki recognizing RD from the Detnerat commercials. Well, they ditched the Detnerat commercial, so of course they ditched this. Still, it lost one of the indicators that Shigaraki is, despite not receiving a formal education, actually quite up to speed on current events—even, apparently, when those current events are happening while he’s been fighting Machia in an isolated stretch of mountains for six weeks! I already suffer enough through fanon characterizations of Shigaraki in which he’s a basement-dwelling feral manchild glued to his gaming console whom AFO bans from accessing information about the outside world, anime! I don’t need you dropping the scenes that most clearly demonstrate otherwise!!

• In the anime, Baby!Chikara’s face was unmarked, just a normal infant face—you’d never even know the kid had a meta-ability just to look at him. In the manga, the skin of his face is clearly darker, contrasted against the paleness of his mother’s hand. It’s obvious that he’s not “normal” looking, and thus equally obviously would have attracted negative attention in his era.[6] Also had his mother smiling; her face in the manga is too shadowed and vague to make out an expression, befitting the murky tragedy of her story and the fear she must have been living with.

Framing Shifts

Additions

• A little thing: they had Twice echo, “Cushion?” when Clone!Shigaraki told him to get ready to cushion Giran’s fall. If anything, Re-Destro and his little thought-bubbled question mark is probably the one who should have had this reaction line.

• Added a visual for Clone-araki catching himself on the window. A perfectly reasonable way to fill screen time while a dialogue beat was ongoing.

• Added a panning still over a reaction shot from a bunch of Twice clones when the tower came down. It had a few good faces in it.

                                                           ---

So, generally, this episode was better. I definitely still had issues with it, but compared to what came before, when they were trying to cram 5+ chapters into the episodes, there were far fewer cuts, and what cuts and tweaks there were, were relatively minor. Definitely nothing that made me want to throw chairs Jerry Springer-style the way 108 and 109 did.

Sadly, I can't say the same for the remaining two episodes. Come back next time for Part Four, Episode 111: Shimura Tenko, Origin.

FOOTNOTES

[1] After witnessing the massacre that was Episode 108, I was convinced they were going to cut the policeman scene entirely, and just go right to Jin getting fired for hitting someone with his bike, letting the audience think it was his fault completely rather than cast aspersions on police and the justness of the law. I was pleased they kept it at all, but less pleased with the steps taken to soften the sharpness of its accusation.

[2] Of course, it’s not like the MLA themselves don’t understand the willingness to give everything for the people who matter. They just label those feelings Devotion To The Cause, and don’t think the League is capable of such resolution.

[3] Netflix’s Way of the House Husband, be told.

[4] Nakama is, of course, a shonen standby, but, to the best of my knowledge (which is admittedly limited; I don’t follow a lot of shounen series), it’s pretty rare to hear the word coming out of a villain’s mouth! Jin calling the League his nakama ties into how the League are both sympathetic villains in the larger story and also the protagonists of the current arc, thereby operating under a lot of protag tropes for the duration—foreshadowed by Spinner’s earlier talk of Shigaraki and his boyish, dream-chasing eyes.

[5] Sometime after the mass arrests, one hopes.

[6] This could well be a coloring error in the manga, but if so, you’d think they’d have corrected it for the volume release. Especially given that, again, the color is in a different shade/screentone than the shadow that covers most of his mother’s face, and her hand stroking Chikara’s chin isn’t shadowed at all.

[www-artforoddballs]

Alright, so notice. Most of you probably know this, since you're following me for the Autistic Levi stuff (thank you, we're closing in on 100 followers!!!!), but people with autism can have "tantrums". I've kinda touched on this in a previous post (it's a full meltdown, but you can see that post here https://www-artforoddballs.tumblr.com/post/644803780958879744/autistic-levi-angstkinda-i-guess-this-is-him). For those of you who DON'T know, an autistic tantrum is not the same thing as what you'd think of in regards to a toddler or kid, it's just the word used for it. This is a mistake my mother and I made when getting the paperwork done while I was going through testing that later got cleared up lol

I had a tantrum yesterday, and so I figured that I could post about Leviathan having a tantrum, since it's still ready on my mind. I don't care if anyone else is proud of me for coping with it as well as I did, since it's a major improvement from last time I had one, but I am proud of myself!...with that in mind, here we go!!

There will be some angst in this post, like the last post in relation to this one, but like the last post, it turns out fine.

However.

Trigger warning for things such as self harm, both physical and verbal. If you or a loved one is self harming, either reach out to someone for help or reach out to that person to help, yeah?

OK on with the post.

-------------

First of all, Levi's autism is part of why his brothers always agree to help when there's a raffle for tickets or something like that on the DDD messages, because he can get overwhelmed if they don't at least help, even if he doesn't win in the end.

They figured out that his autism was the culprit for this shortly after his diagnosis.

Now when I'm writing for Levi, I like to think that his diagnosis was around the early 1990s since, while autism was a separate diagnosis in 1980, it didn't really start becoming fairly accepted and expanded upon until 1987. Hence why everyone is mostly used to it by now, but are still sometimes off put by his odd behavior; for them, as beings that have been around since...the beginning of the universe, pretty much as far as we know, but for at LEAST since humans were around (so at VERY least 2.5 million years now, but potentially up to around 7 million years (if they haven't been around since the beginning of creation)), this would be like...I dunno, give me a second.

Waiting

Waiting...

Okay, so from 1990(earliest year I have in mind) to 2019 (the year it was released) is 29 years. That's a minimum of 1/86,206.89th of their lifespan, and a maximum of 1/475,862,068.96th of their total lifetime.

So this is a VERY recent development for them on the grand scheme of things, but I digress.

So they're still figuring everything out, especially as the human race continues to learn about the condition itself.

So the first time Levi threw a tantrum and they recognized it for what it was...it was certainly interesting.

What had happened was exactly the situation described; Levi had wanted to go to a concert in the human world and they were raffling off free tickets. Except, unlike now, his brothers hadn't offered their support. They hadn't in the past, why would this time be any different?

Except now they viewed it through a different light. Leviathan had an image in his head that he desired so badly and had asked his brothers to support him, hopeful, only to be rejected at every turn. That he was used to, but it was still upsetting.

He put that to the side, though. He really wanted to see this band, and these were VIP tickets where you got to hang out with the band for a few hours after the concert! They'd cost a LOT of human money, and while they COULD afford it, he knew Lucifer would be bringing hell down upon him if he used that amount of family funds on a concert. And his anxiety was already somewhat raised, so he decided to enter the raffle on his own.

He sat there for hours, waiting for the results to come in. He'd hyped this up in his brain the entire time; He'd win, go to an amazing concert, have dinner with the band, maybe even make some friends....!...and then the results came back. He hadn't won.

As per usual, our snek boi went into one of his rants about how unfair it was, but instead of going on a rampage or something like that, locked himself up in his room and cried, hating himself for getting so excited over nothing.

As I mentioned before, I've made another post about a tantrum/getting too overwhelmed slipping into something even more dire, as that's almost always what happens to me. This would be in the 90s, so this would be their first real incident with one of these moments where they had the proper diagnosis, so bear with me, there will be some angst here, but like the other post, it'll be fine.

So Mammon ends up feeling bad for rejecting his little brother, and, not knowing it was too late, decided to go to his room and offer his support. It was almost Leviathan's birthday anyways, and Mammon knew how rejection felt and how much it sucked. So, he knocked on Leviathan's door.

No response. He knocked again...still no response, but a quiet sob.

Right away, Mammon switched from semi-carefree to worried. "Levi...?"

Again, no response. He decided to just go in and check on his brother...

The door was locked. And he smelled blood.

"Leviathan, I need you to open the door," Mammon said with a half hearted chuckle, his voice now becoming slightly strained. "Because if ya don't, I'm gonna have t' break the door down."

"Just go away!" Leviathan cried from inside his room. "Just leave me alone, you jerk!"

"I ain't goin' anywhere. Either open the door or I'm gonna break it down. Those are your two choices."

A moment of silence, before Mammon sighs, stretching, as he transforms into his demon form.

"Alright, option two it is."

He rammed into the door repeatedly, before the wood finally splintered and fell to the ground with a loud thud. Mammon quickly looked around, eyes widening as he saw Leviathan digging his own sharpened nails into his arms, multiple raked wounds, made by the same culprit, carved into his skin.

"Levi...look at ya..." Mammon said, voice faltering, tears welling up in his eyes. "I...how long has..."

"Just shut up! Don't act like you care about me, I'm the freak of our family, remember?! I'm the one whose brain isn't right, I'm just a shut-in, good for nothing, re-!"

He was quickly cut off by Mammon going to him and hugging him.

"I don't care who you are. You talk about my brother like that again and I'll kill you. Alright? You're a little off, but you ain't a freak, and your brain works just fine as is. You're perfect just the way you are, and if anybody else says any different, I'm gonna beat them the fuck up. Including you. Got that? So what if you've got that fancy lable on ya now...? Labels like that matter, but it didn't change ya. You're still my cringe, annoying as hell little weirdo of a brother...and I wouldn't have ya any other way."

Leviathan fully listened to Mammon talk, before clinging to him, breaking down sobbing again, and trying to explain what happened through his tears, the older demon gently rubbing his back and allowing him to cry it out, making sure no more harm was done.

A while later, once Levi had calmed down, Mammon ruffled his hair.

"Let's get you cleaned up, yeah? Lucifer is already gonna kill me for breaking your door, but he'd be even more pissed if I just left you here with those wounds."

So they did. And Mammon, after telling a VERY angry Lucifer what had happened hours later, had surprisingly NOT gotten chewed out by the eldest brother. Instead, that day, the entire family had a long discussion, and they all agreed that if it was something as small as entering a raffle, or even if it was bigger but not an inconvenience to anyone in the slightest, they'd all help out from then on. It's not like it was hard, and it would save Levi from hours of stress and negativity toward himself and others around him.

They also made a plan for if a tantrum were to happen while someone was around, or if he became too overwhelmed and started to spiral...because, as annoying as he could be, Leviathan was still family. And they loved him, oddities and all.

---------------

Alright, so...that was the post! I hope it was okay. I know I've written about this type of thing before a little, but different situations can end up with the same negative outcome, like being in an overwhelming situation, or not being able to change your thinking and not easily being able to get over your expectations. I've personally suffered with both, and it's a regular thing for me, so I like writing about it, because maybe, just maybe, it'll help someone out, or help someone that isn't autistic understand a friend or relative or classmate or employee better. And I love these characters, I really do. The only ironic thing is that I see so much of myself in Leviathan, but I adore him and despise myself. Go figure 😂

Regardless, I hope you enjoyed, and if there's anything you guys have questions about (in regards to me and my experience), or any specific writing requests, asks are fully open!

Thanks so much for being here to support me, you have no idea how much it means to a little oddball such as myself.

[c-is-for-circinate]

So as close as I am to fully escaping Hades for the first time, I figure I might take this opportunity to write down a couple of things I'm scared of from this ending. The story is so good so far! But I have seen good stories before! And there are patterns, right, patterns it's so easy for even good stories to fall into, so yeah, I have fears, and they mostly come down to Hades himself.

(Yep, this one got long again! People seem to be enjoying my game-reaction rambles, so, for your enjoyment under the cut: themes of separation and reunion, predictions for what Zagreus is the god of, and a whole lot of discussion of familial abuse dynamics, how they're depicted in fiction, and the work it takes to change them in real life. Stay warned! Stay safe!)

(ALSO, I still haven't made it past the first couple of chambers in the Temple of Styx, so no spoilers in the reblogs/comments please! Yes, even though the whole post is me going on about predictions and hopes and concerns about the path the story might take. I WILL GET THERE SOON.)

It has been really interesting watching some of the stuff the game is doing with themes of parting and reunion, and how that corresponds to life and death. So many of our social links are about reuniting estranged loved ones: Chaos and Nyx, Eurydice and Orpheus, Patroclus and Achilles. Hades is estranged from Olympus, Persephone left. And every time we leave, or try to leave, it is both an attempt at a parting (and Meg and Than are so hurt by that goodbye, or lack thereof) and an attempt at a reunion with our mother. Every time we die it's a reunion, every time we die it's fun, it's great, we get to go back home and check in with all of our friends and be impressed by whoever made Employee Of The [Timeperiod] and sell fish to the cook and put down yet more rugs. (My Zagreus has something of a rug addiction. What can you do.)

It's at the point where I feel pretty secure in stating that Zagreus is going to discover eventually that he is both life/death/rebirth god, and god of partings and reunions. Both halves of both of those things. People leave each other when they die and re-find their loved ones in death; you go away from one group of people to come back to another; you have to depart to return, and I really think that's where we're going to end up with Zagreus. He's going to reunite his various friends with their loved ones, he's probably going to restore communications between Hades and Olympus and even Persephone, he's going to reunite with his mom, and he's going to come back to the Underworld before he leaves to see everyone up top all over again. And of course the vehicle for all of this coming and going is death, because death is the ultimate departure and reuniter. (This is absolutely a religious concept containing a whole bunch of "oh hey our culture has a lot of Christian influence, doesn't it", Greek trappings aside, but that's fine, it's a game made in 2018 not 300 BC, these things happen. They keep calling the Underworld 'hell' and 'infernal'. It's all good.) Of course he's a cthonic god. Of course he bleeds, because you have to bleed in order to die, and Zagreus has to die again and again and again. That's his whole thing.

Thing is, though, looking at those themes, I am also continually aware of the fact that some partings are for a really good reason. Some partings should not end in reunion.

Yes, of course this is about Hades the abusive dad. I have been talking about Hades the abusive dad basically non-stop since I started playing this game, where did you think this post was going.

There are a few things I'm nervous about, separate but related, and at the core it all comes down to, I'm not okay with it if we learn why Hades got to be this way, and Zagreus forgives him as we-the-audience are meant to do, and Hades promises to do better, and nothing concrete about the situation is forced to change. Actual, meaningful, practical, logistical, non-hypothetical non-metaphorical change, not just for Zagreus but for Hades himself.

Because I know how this story tends to go, in fiction. Fictional abusive parents (especially in fantasy/sci-fi stories) tend to come in two types: 'coerced their offspring into actual murder with a side of physical abuse and optional unethical lab experimentation', or 'this was here to create character conflict, we didn't mean for it to read as actually abusive, this parent just has flaws to make them a good character, we swear!' Hades isn't the first type--we have never once seen Hades strike his son, or anybody, or even come out from behind his desk--which means that the fear is, always, always, in every piece of fiction, that he's the second. That the writers are going to decide that the right response to his abuses is remorse, forgiveness, and one really good conversation. That they don't realize it's abuse in the first place.

And, like. They have to know, right? They have to. They can't have done this by accident. (Sometimes, writers get so close by accident.) They can't have done so well at drawing out this situation simply by going, 'well, people are meant to fear this god, so they'd probably react like this, and I guess based on what I've seen in other stories or vague acquaintances they'd then do this,' and never put the name on the situation. Every single time we leave to the tune of a Hades word-flash, he's being dismissive, insulting, and sometimes downright cruel. He is cruel. They have to know!!!

But oh boy have I been consuming media for a lot of years, and oh boy have I run into a lot of writers who don't know.

Reconciliation is such a loaded word, but stories about dysfunctional families really do love it. Stories based around themes of reunion are primed for it. And of course, it's nice, it ties a happy ending off with a sweet little bow, everyone gets to be with the people they love and the family is safe and nobody gets hurt, but so rarely have I seen stories that show the actual work required to rebuild those relationships in a realistic or meaningful way. So rarely do stories trying to build that happy ending actually let the victim of abuse set and maintain boundaries. The character never gets to actually just cut the damn ties to the thing that hurt them. The character so rarely even gets to be safe.

And it's so hard in this game specifically, because "THERE IS NO ESCAPE", because every single thing about this game says that the story's not over when Zagreus gets to the surface, that no matter what he's going to have to come back. It's so hard, because this is a game about reunions. I am not going to get an ending where the abused kid trying to flee his toxic home and abusive dad actually gets to leave and stay gone, not in this one. And that hurts (I have watched and supported and done my best to help multiple real-life friends get the fuck out of homes like that, and stay gone, I have seen how hard it is, how complicated, how awful, and there are never stories for that), but I can live with it, if I get an ending where Zagreus is at least safe. Where things change. Where they really change.

Which is why I need actual, concrete, material changes in the logistics and power structure of the Underworld for this ending to be okay. Understanding why Hades is Like That doesn't cut it. Remorse doesn't cut it! Because look, even if Hades wants to do better, even if he admits he's at fault and tries to be better, he is still set up in a position as an all-powerful tyrant, and trying to become a better person is hard. There is nobody around who can keep him in check when he starts backsliding, which he will. Even if he doesn't want to, he will.

Because people are people, and it's really difficult to break patterns! Especially if everything around them stays the same. Hades is going to slip at some point, be cruel, be callous, be tyrannical, no matter how much of an effort he's making. Not to mention, it is STRESSFUL to face your own crimes and improve, it sucks, it feels bad. And what do habitual abusers do when they feel bad? What's the only coping mechanism Hades appears to have established for dealing with his own shit? That's right, it's inflicting suffering on everyone else around him. (This is why it doesn't really matter what circumstances drove Hades to act this way, why it can't matter--I believe that he is suffering, but he copes with that suffering by inflicting additional suffering on everyone around him, everyone who relies on him, and that's still true no matter what made him feel bad to begin with.) So then we just get a great old guilt-->lashing out-->more guilt-->more lashing out merry-go-round of abuse even as Hades is trying to change. That's how these things work. And yes, change is possible, improvement is absolutely possible, but the environment needs to change first. The system that enables and rewards Hades for acting this way can't stay in place. Things need to actually change, with people who are around to support Hades in his growth and also check his power, people who have power of their own to stop him. And however it happens, for this story with this protagonist with these goals to feel like a happy ending, Zagreus needs to be safe.

It would be okay, though a little disappointing, if those changes were mostly based in magic and fate and, idk, divine mind-control. (This story has been so grounded in actual human dynamics that a fantastical solution to a realistic problem would feel like a letdown, but if it actually solved the problem I'd be okay with it, more or less.) It would be okay, though a little disappointing, if the responsibility for bringing Hades to heel fell upon Zagreus and Persephone, if the two family members who he hurt badly enough that they felt the need to run away from him entirely now had to shoulder the burden of helping him fix himself. (There are definitely ways to write that dynamic better and ways to write it worse, and I think I trust these writers to land on the 'better' side of the scale, but I still don't love the implications.) I think I'd be pretty into it if Hades took a vacation off to Olympus to Work Out His Shit with his own family, while a coalition of Meg, Nyx, Thanatos, Zagreus, and Queen Persephone took over running the Underworld in his absence. I think we might end up getting some combination of those things. I'm hopeful. I think these writers might know what they've written. I think they might have a sense for what it'll take to fix.

But yeah, I'm nervous. (Nervous enough that I might switch to God Mode just to get through, combat has started getting really tedious instead of fun, I want to know what happens next, and this is a game and there is no shame in making it more fun for myself by making the boring parts a little quicker and easier.) I've seen so many stories go wrong. This one has done so much to earn my trust. We'll see if it breaks.

[prettynxsty]

Again

Sub!Kevin x Domme!Reader

Contains: futa/girlcock, mentions/use of alcohol, pwp, squirting, Kevin has a pussy, fingering.

Summary: You and Kevin have a slightly established relation to the effect of being friends. Both of you are drunk and have filthy sex. There’s hardly any plot this time, sorry lmfao.

AN: :))))) here is some sub!Kevin, bc there’s not enough. And one good niche fanfic for the children, be fed.

You have a plastic cup in your hand, swirling with something mixed with soda. Kevin, he's swaying in a small crowd of his friends, wearing the smallest fucking shorts and a cropped hoodie with a shirt underneath. So naturally, you slide your way through and down the last few sips of your drink before tossing the cup onto a nearby table. You slip your hands around his waist and press against him in a slight hug, following his rhythm. He glances back and quirks a small smile.

You didn't realize that he could completely feel your dick against him until he rolls his hips and presses back against you. Your hands slip over his lower belly and glide firmly down his thighs before dancing back up to grip his hips. You danced with him until the song tapered down. As you began to pull away, he turned to face you and wrapped his arms around your neck.

You didn't completely want to leave either, so you settled your hands back on his hips and nudged your knee between his thighs. He does the same and grinds forward over your thigh. A chill climbs your spine as his thigh scrubs over your bulge. You kept on back and forth like that through the next song.

You look up at him, seeing no reason to hold yourself back and lean into his mouth. You can taste the artificial sweeteners of a hard lemonade when you kiss him. He opened his mouth for more, but you suckled his bottom lip between your own and bit it before pulling away. Leaning toward his ear, you whispered for him to find you later and you’d bring him back to your place.

You sauntered away to your friends, hanging and dancing with them for a while before plopping yourself onto a vacant couch. You were getting a little sweaty anyway. After a while, you were getting ready to push yourself off of the linen cushion and try to find him, but he seemed to know where you’d be already. He had a stupid little bounce in his step, a little wobbly from toeing the line of blackout drunk. His phone was clutched in his fist as he straddled your lap and sat straight down.

"Missed you.."

He slurred off the rest of his sentence, cupping your cheeks and giving you a wet kiss. The vodka punch tasted a lot better on his tongue than the lemonade from earlier. He makes a breathy noise when your teeth scrape his fat little tongue.

You were still at a party, and you were both clearly ready to get out of there. But there was nothing wrong with sampling the food. Your lips part with a wet smack and you kissed along the corner of his mouth, stopping to suck a hickey on the underside of his jaw. Things were getting a bit more dangerous. You slid my hand up his stomach and locked it firmly around the base of his throat.

He was so stupid when he was drunk. He was probably trying to text Jacob and let them know that you were leaving together. But it shouldn't have been a surprise that he'd slipped to his camera and pressed record. His mouth fell open as you squeezed the sides of his throat, pressing wet kisses along the column.

"Mnh, kiss me again," he whispered. 

His eyes fluttered shut as you moved your head from his throat and back up to his mouth. He loses himself in the way you thrust your tongue in between his lips, his thumb brushing over the button to stop the recording as he falls into you.

The noise of the party re-enters your ears and reminds you that you wanted to take him back to your apartment. He makes a whiny noise when you stop kissing him, bottom lip swollen, puffing out in a pout.

"Come on, let's go back to mine."

.

Back in your apartment, his steps are a little shier, as if he hadn't visited plenty of times before. His fingers curl a little tighter against yours as you nudge the door shut with your foot before toeing off your shoes. In the sanctuary of your room, you blinked blearily.

"Get naked for me, baby."

You unlocked your phone with your thumbprint, connecting to the speaker beside your bed. In no way were you all the way gone, but reading wasn't as easy as it was when you were sober. You flicked upward until you settled on a playlist and set your phone on the side table.

You stopped in the middle of yanking down your underwear, seeing just how wet he'd gotten. It was just enough to make the smallest damp spot through the tiny slivers of blue silk hugging his cunt.

You let your garments pool at your ankles, kicking them against the pile of clothes you created. You shuffle over and plop down on the side of your bed, thighs spread. Kevin seemed to have some intentions in mind, slipping off of the mattress and onto his knees between your thighs. He didn't have to ask you to touch it, because he knew you’d love how he worked it. 

"So fucking big.." He marveled.

Wrapping his cool fingers around the base. His tongue lolls over his bottom lip as he gently slaps the head against the center of his tongue. He stopped to swallow, parting his lips and cramming part of your dick into his mouth.

His mouth goes from wet to sticky and slippery as he bobs his head up and down. He jacks off what he can't reach, lips kissing the top of his knuckles as he swallows down. You hissed, resting a hand on the back of his head, twirling your fingers through his little black locks.

Kevin makes a small noise in the back of his throat, he swallowed just a little too much and lurched forward. He didn't seem very phased by it, because he just kept going. As much as you enjoyed watching the game, you really liked to play. You pressed down on the back of his head just a bit and he seemed to understand, shifting his hands to rest on your bare thighs. Steadily you pushed him down, you could feel his drool leaking down your shaft.

Your toes curled and your chest rumbled with a groan. Your knuckles tighten in his hair, yanking him back with a smirk. He panted noisily through his nose, tongue darting out and sweeping across his lips.

"You're such a fucking pretty boy." Your hand drifts from his head, cupping his chin and thumbing apart his lips.

"Open." You command.

You spit in his mouth, chest bouncing with a laugh.

"Get up on the bed, lemme see your pussy."

His eyes widened, swallowing as he shakily rose from his haunches to climb up on the bed. You reach out a hand and grab his, steadying him as he climbs up.

He rolls onto his back, propped up against your pillows with his thighs spread. Had he gotten this wet from you using him?

“I want you to cum over and over again.”

Kevin was already in such a daze, sleeping with the person he’s been in love with for so long. God, he was already so drunk. No one had ever made him feel this hot. All of the boyfriends, girlfriends, and hookups just used him and kicked him out.

It’d make sense that you’d be better than all of them combined..

You crawled between his thighs, resting your hands on the softer flesh as you leaned up to kiss him before descending.

Meal time.

You spat at his mound, watching a shiver travel its way up his body as your saliva drips down his puffy labia. You hummed, leaning in and scrub your tongue against the swollen pink lip. You sucked it between your lips, gently tonguing it.

You slip your fingers into your mouth, lathering them. He whines pitifully as you drag your fingers over his slit, nudging apart his inner pink to slip your fingers in. His voice shakes as you work your index and middle into him. You flick your tongue around the hood of his clit, resting the heel of your palm against his skin.

You dug in deeply, curling your fingers upward. His voice rises in pitch, hips squirming.

You pull your fingers out to the second knuckle before pushing them back in with a wet sound, digging in and out before suddenly increasing in speed.

His drawn out moans break into short cries through his noisy panting. His pale muff rosied as your palm slapped against it.

He could never get quite used to the rhythm because you changed it so often. He clenches his teeth, tensing his core as he thrashed his head against your pillows.

“Fuck- oh fuck! F- uckfuckfuck!” He squealed, his inner thighs trembled against your wrist. You shift your free hand, gripping the upper portion of his left thigh and pin it down.

“Oh my god, unh!” The Weeknd’s crooning voice leaks under the door, the melody rattled the walls enough to keep your neighbors blissfully unaware.

-

I put you on top.

-

“I’m gonna fuckin’-!” He threw his head back, back arching in the prettiest curve. You couldn’t have mistaken the wet noise and warmth coating your fingers. You carry him through it, jerking your fingers in and out even though your wrist began to ache.

-

So call out my name.

-

Droplets splatter as you plunged in and out of him, slowing your pace as he tried to squirm away. You slid your fingers up the length of his folds, smearing his cum over the crook of his inner thigh. Just about a teaspoon of his milk, spurting over his hole and running down the backs of his thighs down to his ass.

“I’m not done, I wanna make you cum again.”

He looks up at you rising onto your knees with amazement in his eyes, glittering with the kiss of almost-tears.

You prop the crooks of his knees over your hips, scooting forward as you pumped your cock in 

your hand.

-

I want you to stay.

-

You tilt your head down, carefully spitting onto your shaft and massage in a few globules. For his sake, you reconsidered for a second, releasing your cock and letting it plop onto his cunt. Reaching forward, you stabilized yourself with a single hand on the headboard as you leaned forward to dig in your side table.

You pop the cap with your thumb, leaning back and squirt a generous amount over your dick and a small puddle on top of Kevin’s cunt. Clicking it closed, you tossed the tube back into the drawer and nudged it shut.

Resting back on your calves, you spread the lube over your shaft down to your very base. With care, you swept your fingers through the small pool dribbling over his blood swollen lips and spread it around.

-

When I- Kiss you- So gently-.

-

He watches you with a reverence, nudging apart his lips with your cock before slipping it past the mess he’d already made.

He breathes in deeply, your dick was quite a bit thicker than your fingers. You leaned down, propping yourself up on your elbows and pressed a kiss to his mouth. You swallowed his heavy breaths, just pressing your lips to his over and over again.

He could feel the tingling in his hamstrings from being folded forward like this. You rebound slowly after bottoming out, pressing in even deeper than you’d reached before.

You jumped quickly from moving slowly to reaching a moderate pace once he seemed a bit more accommodated. It didn’t hurt him, but the stretch felt so overwhelming.

“More,” he moans foolishly, kissing your upper lip.

You’d give him exactly what he needed, because you needed the same. You reared your hips back, pounding into him. Your thighs clapped against the back of his, and he was too far gone to return your kisses.

You felt his thighs shaking, his socked feet flopped uselessly in the air as you used him. He could only gasp noisily, his exhales are slutty keens.

“Oh fuck, you like it when I use you like this?” You panted, pressing wet kisses below his ear.

“U-h uh!” He babbled, throwing his arms around your neck and pulling you closer to him.

“Unh! F- uck! Again! Again, again, again!” He squeals, biting down on his bottom lip before falling into a noiseless moan.

You growled, clenching your teeth as he spasms and clenches around you. He was even more fucking wet and slippery, you were so fucking close.

You couldn’t control the animal inside of you, wrapping your arms around him before hammering in. Kevin’s cries were almost loud enough to rival the music as you abused his cunt, fucking his cum back into him.

You couldn’t take it anymore, it was a voice, just barely a whisper in the back of your mind to remind you that you couldn’t breed him yet. You growled something inhuman, ugly, freeing your dick from his cunt and hump against it like a dog.

Your voice loses its bass, shaking as viscous droplets and ropes splatter over his stomach, jumping with each deep breath.

You peel apart your eyes, he just simply watched you. Worshipful. He moves his hand to the back of your head, pulling you in to peck your mouth as you slumped against him.

[mariamermaid]

Best Fake Smile

Neville Longbottom x fem!Slytherin Reader

Summary: After yet another set of detention, you come face to face with the shy Gryffindor student Neville Longbottom. But as you are doomed to clean the pots for the herb class, Neville catches you off guard…

Words: 2.2k

A/N: slightly inspired by the song “best fake smile” from James Bay

Warnings: mentions of alcohol

 Staring blankly at McGonagall’s long and stern face, you bit down on your lip. Maybe putting a hex on a student, a class above you wasn´t the smartest move.

The old witch shook her head, realizing you were barely listening anyway.

“Mrs. Y/L/N, you´re going to help Professor Sprout with cleaning up the pots for the coming classes, I don´t have time to bother giving attention to you yet again.”

Her harsh words drew you back into the present and slightly taken back, you nod without another word. There was no use in dispute.

Friday night, and you were spending it cleaning dirt off pots while your friends enjoyed their evening at Hogsmead. You huffed annoyed at yourself as you drifted to the greenhouses. At least you wouldn´t miss the Slytherin Quidditch game tomorrow and as a fellow Slytherin student, you hoped for a victory. Mostly because the parties afterwards were known to be legendary and drowning some of your thoughts in fire whiskey seemed all too welcoming right now.

To your surprise, the light in the greenhouse was still on and you caught a glance of a certain Gryffindor student.

“Longbottom”, your voice cut like glass through the air and Neville jerked, his head turning towards you.

“What did you do to end up here?” You asked further strolling through the rows of plants until reaching the pile of pots, where Neville already stood. The change in his appearance was hard to miss, even for you. Once crooked teeth and slacking posture had disappeared from the Gryffindor boy, he was also taller than you for the first time. Unlike other Slytherin students, Draco for example, you found no interest in the bickering with other students just for the sake of it. It was the reason why you had practically nothing to do with Neville, he was off your grid.

Even though his grown attractiveness was admiring, he seemed nervous around you.

Truth was, he didn´t do anything. Neville had chosen this task out of his love towards plants, not as a punishment. But he didn´t have the guts in telling you so. Instead, he shrugged, avoiding your glance again and continued cleaning.

“Missed curfew”, he lied. You nodded while raising your eyebrow.

You were known to get detention for causing much bigger troubles; hexing students classes above you, as well as relief teachers, missing curfews, sneaking out, spiking punch, prank wars with the Weasley twins and sometimes getting caught making out after Slytherin´s victory parties.

“Let´s get it over with, hm?” You sighed and grabbed something to help clean as well.

For several minutes you both stayed quiet, focusing on dividing the work.

Just as you were to grab another pot, Neville reached for it as well. His hand brushed against yours, warm and earthy, but quickly pulled back. The pot fell down to the floor and the crashing pieces made you wince.

“Sorry”, you both apologized at the same time, while leaning down to get the broken pieces.

“Don´t be sorry, it was my fault really”, Neville admitted hastily and you couldn´t help but stare at him.

“Such a gentlemen”, you muttered and Neville´s eyes lurked up to you. For once, he didn´t overthink and his tongue was quick to answer.

“Probably not used to it after Zabini.”

A huff escaped your lips. You hadn´t expected for him to drop a comment like this. But you found interest in Neville´s new, more daring side.

“Excuse you?”

Neville, instantly regretting his words, shrugged reluctant. “It´s just talk.”

“Talk? From who?” Your words were firm, Neville had taken a direction without being able to reverse.

“Just rumors going around, thought you and him are a thing.”

You growled, rolling your eyes and as much as Neville was scared, he was also curious in your answer.

“I don´t know what kind of dung brains tell you stories like that, but Blaise and I aren´t a thing! If you run across the person telling false rumors, you can tell me their names!”

You were clearly angry, but also a flustered. Neville watched your reaction closely, as he did so often in your shared classes. Truth was; he was head over heels in love with you. However, until this fateful evening, he never even thought in approaching you.  

“Just because we made out once or twice, by Merlin´s beard!”

His heart sunk from his head into his stomach and he felt his shoulders dropping. But he kept going in order to save himself from any embarrassments. “So, he´s not my boyfriend?”

You let out a laugh and Neville listened to the light sound of your voice. You didn´t laugh much, at least not in class. You grinned or snickered when you whispered with Pansy, but never an honest laugh. It made you seem way less intimidating, at least in Neville´s opinion.

“Blaise my boyfriend? Never. Just because they won at a Quidditch game and I had too much punch. He´s all bark no bite. What about you though?”

He was caught off guard by your question, which made you chuckle softly. “Me?”

“Yes, you Mister I had a glow-up over the summer holidays!”

He blushed, had you just complimented him? Awkwardly, he scratched the back of his neck, making you take notice of his strengthened arms and broader shoulders.

“Didn´t you dance with Ginny Weasley at the Yule ball?”

“The yule ball is long gone.” He explained and you nodded understanding.

“But as if your Gryffindor girls didn´t notice your change in appearance?” You asked lurking while leaning over the table. Neville shrugged. Yes, he had comments, but no girl had ever approached him. It was something he could only dream of. He might have changed on the outside, but on his inside, he still felt like the slender boy.

“Maybe you should ask someone out!” You exclaimed instead and his eyes traveled from the table filled with dirt and old roots, to your eyes. Your grin slightly dropped as he continued to stare at you directly and breathing calmly, until his gaze wandered to your lips.

Tilting your head ever so slightly to the side, your playful grin returned. What was happening?

“What makes you think I´d go out with you?”

It took all of his and Merlin´s bravery to answer as confidently as possible, while leaning forward as well.

“Maybe you´d enjoy not having to carry your act and not wearing that fake smile of yours.”

The corners of your mouth dropped immediately.

You liked to play, but there were these moments, standing still between time and reality, where you felt a hole in your heart.

Lonely, you felt lonely more often than anyone could´ve imagine, but no one ever seemed to care enough. Meaningless make out sessions only filled that void for short periods of time.

Your expression hardened and you pulled back, your hands hugging your side. The feeling of someone getting so close and personal felt new and you didn´t like vulnerability.

Slytherin, pure-blooded with a rich family; you were raised to act strong and independent, at the same time upstage. Your family was picture perfect in that very sense, but you craved the feeling of warmth and safety.

“What makes you think I´m faking?”

It was Neville´s time to chuckle, it was so absurdly easy to tell for him.

“Why should I tell you their names?” He asked instead, but your back was still facing his direction.

“Why does the cold-hearted Slytherin girl even care? No, you don't have to wear your best fake smile. Not with me. It´s just me after all.”

Silence settled, you felt your heavy breathing and the burning inside your stomach. The worst of all? Neville was right. And even though, he barely knew you, he could see behind the façade. Bitter taste spread in your mouth, slowly running down your throat into your stomach.

“I´m sorry, I had no right to say that.”

You spun around, facing the tall brown-haired boy again. He saw your teary eyes and your shivering body. He had struck a delicate chord, that he didn´t know the existence of.

Yet, you weren´t able to form any words. Neville cleared his throat, taking off the gloves and making his way towards the door.

“I think, you might need some time for yourself.”

You wanted to protest, stepping closer to him.

“You can´t leave me, what about our punishment?”

Neville let out another soft chuckle. “You´re here for punishment, I´m here because I wanted to help.”

Then he left you standing in the dim light of the green house, darkness surrounding the garden area for the herb class. You felt as the night crawled into the space and further in, right into your body.

You couldn´t sleep that night after finishing your chores. Your mind was running crazy; Neville Longbottom was right and you both knew it.

After endless turning in your bed, you got up with the first ray of sunshine on the next Saturday morning. As hard as the nightly events had been on your mind, you had come to terms with them.

You were so done; you didn´t and couldn´t care anymore.

There was only one thing left, that you hadn´t quiet figured out.

Why by Merlin’s beard, did a certain, shy Gryffindor boy not leave your mind. You remembered how Neville had left the greenhouse the night before; well, he did rather stroll.

The pure thought of it made heat rise to your cheeks and your stomach tumbling.

Was this boy, who had never stood out in a crowd due to his insecure posture and his crooked teeth, suddenly winning your cold, Slytherin heart?

 No you don't have to wear your best fake smile

Don't have to stand there and burn inside

 Your steps hurried through the great hall, but instead you found yourself at the Gryffindor table right in front of none other than Hermione Granger. Even at this early hour, she was leaning over a pile of papers and books. Surprised and confused, she looked up to you. Besides some minor contentions, which were mostly related to house pride, the two of you never much more to exchange views. Hermione had sorted you, just like most of the students, as an ambitious Slytherin girl with a reputation, to have a liking in playing with fire. But unlike other classmates in green uniforms, you never said a word about families with other bloodlines.

“Do you know where Neville is?”

Her mouth gaped a little open, completely confused by your statement.

“Neville? Neville Longbottom?”

You rolled your eyes. “Yes.”

“Why do you want to know?”

Your jaw tightened, the talk and gossip was inevitable anyways and just like Neville had stated; Why does the cold-hearted Slytherin girl even care?

“I want to ask him out.”

If Hermione’s mouth was open before, her jaw basically dropped to the floor. She always knew the right, and considerable fitting words, but she was speechless now.

“He likes to take morning walks around the lake”, she mumbled.

“Thank you.” You nodded appreciating, before leaving her again.

The morning was cold and fresh wind hollered around the towers of the school. It was easy to find his tall figure, he was the only one walking at the lake. When he caught eye of your approaching, he couldn´t help but smile a little as his heartbeat quickened. Even with your messy hair and tired eyes, clearly your conversation yesterday had led to some sleep loss, you looked stunning to him.

A few feet in front of him, you stopped abruptly.

“Hi!”

Good job Y/n, very creative, you thought to yourself. Had he always been this tall? You wondered as you had to stare up a little. And his eyes, did you never notice his calm and kind eyes?!

“Hi?”

“I-“, you took a deep breath, then you continued. “I thought about what you said and you were right. I shouldn´t care, because it doesn´t make me happy.”

Neville nodded understanding, he appeared a little aloof. “I´m glad I could help.”

In the daylight, things were differently. His bravery to speak out his mind was gone, he had remembered who you are, and who he was. It all felt like a far dream to him. He wanted to keep walking, save himself the blushes and humiliation. But you were a true Slytherin, determined to keep going.

“Do you want to go out on a date with me?” You asked, practically yelling to stop him from leaving and Neville stopped in his tracks, slowly turning back to you. His face had softened, the same kind expression from the night before.

 She used to put it out and get it all back

But now she's slipping trying to carry the act

She's sweating under the lights, now she's beginning to crack

 “I don´t want to wear my fake smile and I think you´re cute and funny, maybe I can genuinely smile for once.”

Neville smiled from ear to ear, as he stepped closer to you, carefully taking your hands in his. There were warm and slightly rough from the garden work.

“It would be my pleasure to go out with you and maybe make you laugh a little.”

Now, finally, your lips grew into a smile as well and Neville´s hand placed a strand of hair back behind your ear.

“It truly suits you.”

[teletraan-meets-jarvis]

Monster - Part 1

AO3 Link

Characters: Commander Fox (Main), Captain Rex, Commander Thorn, Corrie Medic Triage (OC), Anakin Skywalker, Fives.

Summary: Fives' death through the eyes of Commander Fox.

Warnings: 16+, swearing, mentions of death.

Word Count: 1.6k

Click here for Part 2

Author’s Notes: First trip on the angst train folks. I've had this in my head for ages because I wanted to try something that wasn't relationship focused and I'm still not over this whole storyline with the chips, they were so darn close to exposing ol' sheev. Fox deserves some spotlight but i'm very sorry it had to be on this. I have got a part 2 practically written up already but wanted to test the waters with this bit first. Let me know what you think!! Fic below the cutoff :).

The title is from the song Monster by Starset. If you're after some good sci-fi related songs for the feels, Startset is where it's at.

Under the knife I surrendered The innocence yours to consume You cut it away And you filled me up with hate Into the silence you sent me Into the fire consumed You thought I'd forget But it's always in my head

Each step was quiet, calculated as CC-1010 moved into the storage bay. His men following his lead as they prepared to surround their target. General Skywalker was verbally defending the Chancellor from where he was captured in a ray shield. The target was unaware of their presence, time to move in.

Set to stun.

“Stand down, soldier! Get on your knees!” CC-1010 commanded, surrounded by his Shock Troopers. The target looked over at the unattended pistols. “Don’t do it solider.”

“GET AWAY FROM ME!”

“FIVES NO!”

Threat. Eliminate the threat.

Good soldiers, follow orders.

Set to Kill. CC-1010 never missed.

No.

Rex was screaming.

General Skywalker was ordering the Guard to lower the ray shields, not that CC-1010 could hear him over the ringing in his ears.

No.

The Captain was at his ARC-Trooper’s side, cradling his head. The blaster wound a disgusting contrast to the pure, shiny, white plastoid of his armour. The blaster wound that CC- no, that Fox inflicted.

No no no no no no.

The pistol fell from his hands and clattered to the ground as Fox came back to himself, the only sound which could be heard among the silence apart from Rex’s begging to Fives to stay with him.

Fox tore off his helmet. He couldn’t breathe. Fuck. The weight of what he just did crashed into him like a tsunami, threatening to take him down, tear him apart.

He stared at his gloved hands which shook uncontrollably. He tried to stop them but his brain didn’t have control of his body anymore. His men were looking at him, he could feel their gaze tearing into him like a jury to a defendant. Watching as their Commander fell apart.

He fell to his knees. No longer able to support his own body weight alongside the weight of his actions. He’d just killed another clone. One of his own vode. His own flesh and blood. That’d never happened before. Sure there had been traitors before among the clone ranks, but they’d never been executed on site. They’d never been pursued by Fox. Lucky them.

The chancellors’ orders echoed in his ears. “Eliminate the threat, Commander.”

Not bring him in for questioning. Eliminate him. No court hearing, no hearing Fives’ side like Slick and others before him. Just execution. And Fox was his executioner. Fuck he was going to vomit.

“Rex” Fox didn’t realise he was speaking until Rex’s eyes met his over Fives’ lifeless body, which he continued to cradle like his last hopes in this war.

Rex’s eyes were cold as ice, the power behind them attempting to freeze Fox to his very core. He didn’t blame him.

The heartbreak at losing another member of Torrent Company cracking the Captain’s usually unshakeable composure. As it fell apart piece by piece in front of Fox’s eyes, he was left staring at his little brother. His Rex’ika. Distraught, heartbroken, empty. He wanted nothing more than to protect him like back on Kamino, when Rex was a young cadet who feared the thunderstorms of their home planet. But Fox couldn’t protect Rex from this, Fox was the reason behind his brother’s agony, his loss. Fox was the monster.

“I-…” he couldn’t get the words out. He couldn’t explain himself. What could he say? I didn’t have a choice, I had to follow orders? That wasn’t going to fix the hole left in Rex’s heart. For losing Fives and for losing Fox too, because the Commander was sure he was dead to him.

Rex finally pulled his eyes away and it broke Fox’s heart. The Captain looked back down at his friend in his arms, his brother. He brought his forehead forward as he raised Fives’s, meeting him in one final Keldabe as he recited the Mando’a that had become far too familiar for them all. Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la. He cradled Fives close to his chest and hooked a hand under his legs as he got to his feet.

Rex’s face was stony, emotionless as he carried his fallen brother out of the storage bay. He held himself together as he brushed past the helmet-less Shock Troopers who stood stock still around their shaken Commander. He didn’t even spare Fox a glance. General Skywalker was hot on his Captain’s heels, going to offer support where he could. Just like that they were gone.

“Sir-“ one of the troopers went to place a hand on his Commander’s shoulder.

“Tell the Chancellor it’s done” Fox snapped out, the words tasting like bitter bile in his mouth. He did his best to regain himself as he grabbed his bucket, re-securing it and his emotions behind as strong a wall as he could fortify in his current state. Still shaking hands clasped around the dropped blaster and Fox finally returned to his feet, slightly unsteady.

“Return to base” his orders were flat as they came through the helmet. His soldiers didn’t react for a moment. He looked each of his men over, their shock at watching what happened bared to the world on their faces. He couldn’t take it. “Now.” Finally they nodded and made the move to leave the Gods-forsaken place.

Everything was a blur; people, places, all fading into nothingness behind Fox as he paced back to his office. His safe space. His feet carried him while his mind drifted, almost leaving his body in an attempt to protect himself from the internal horrors that threatened his grasp on reality.

Next he knew he was back in his office, no idea what route he’d taken to get there. The door had barely shut behind him before he stumbled to the small refresher attached and vomited. Choked sobs wracked his body as he emptied his stomach, tears creating salty tracks down his cheeks.

Once his body stopped torturing him, he finally backed away from the toilet and crawled to lean against the ‘fresher wall. His legs sprawled out in front of him as he threw his head back against the cool tiles. The sharp pain from the action doing nothing to bring him back, to distract him from the agony in his mind.

————

“Fox, Fox!! It’s Thorn, are you there?” The heavy gunner shouted from outside, his fists banging on the door demanding entry.

Nothing.

Thorn had heard what had happened, half the Guard already knew by now. Fox had been ordered to execute another clone by the Chancellor. As soon as the confirmation reached his ears, the Commander dropped everything to find his superior. He’d been friends with Fox long enough to know when he was nearing his breaking point, and he knew that this would throw him off the edge of his sanity.

“Kriff, Fox. I’m coming in!” He announced before punching the code in and rushing in to find his friend.

What Thorn found wasn’t pretty. Fox was propped up against the fresher wall, his head covered in a thin sheen of sweat, his amber eyes glassed over as he sobbed. He looked absolutely wrecked.

Thorn dropped to his side and took hold of his hands in an attempt to ground his friend. “Fox, hey Fox, can you hear me?”

Nothing.

“I heard what happened. I need you to come back to us, yeah. Maker, we need you Fox.” That got his attention, Fox’s watery eyes met his, but the Commander wasn’t fully present behind them yet.

“It wasn’t me” Fox choked out in barely a whisper, tears flowing freely again. Thorn moved forward and pulled the Commander into his arms, their armour fitting awkwardly against one another but it was enough. The broken man clung to his brother as he continued to repeat his words in a tear filled mantra against Thorn’s armour.

After what felt like forever, the shudders that tore through Fox’s body eventually died down to something more manageable. Thorn took that as his moment to try and get his Commander sat up again, maybe even get some water in him. He began to pull away slightly so he could look him in the eyes but as soon as he did, Fox started babbling again. At least it was a few more words than before.

“I set the gun to stun, I swear. I don’t know what happened. Once I saw Fives, everything went dark.” He tried to explain with as much coherence as he could. “They’ll never forgive me for this.” Thorn knew who he was talking about, his batch mates. Cody, Wolffe, Bly, Ponds and Gree. Fox had felt that their relationship was strained ever since he joined the Guard and his brothers went out to fight on the front lines. He’d become the cold leader of the Coruscant Elite Guard, he had the ‘cushy desk job’ while they had to watch their men die day in and day out on the battlefield. The sad truth was that they’d never understand the things the Guard had to go through each day. One night after a particularly tough day, he’d listened as Fox admitted that he wished he could provide his men with honourable deaths in battle to save them from their fates within the Guard.

Thorn’s chest felt like a vice as he cradled his friend, trying to absorb some of his pain as if it would help make things a bit easier on him. He’d never seen Fox like this and it was killing him. Why did the Chancellor always place the worst jobs on the Commander, why did he have to keep him so close, right under his thumb ready to make him do the dirty work. Never thinking about the aftermath, because the clones didn’t matter. So long as Fox kept showing up and performing admirably on the surface, the day to day pain and suffering wasn’t of concern to the Republic, least of all to the Grand Chancellor.

“Fox, I’m going to call Triage alright? He’ll know what to do.” Thorn announced softly, not getting much of an acknowledgment for his words as Fox started to drift off in his arms, his body’s exhaustion overtaking him for a blissful moment.

Continue to Part 2

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[raunchyom]

Vices, Not Virtues: Kindness

[ Chapter 3 ]

[ Previous ] [ Next ]

A/N: Surprise! Wasn’t planning to have this out on Levi’s birthday, but also wasn’t planning that hiatus. School, amirite? On the plus side, I’ll officially be free by May 1, at which point I can start updating this (semi-) regularly again, so look forward to it! Tagging: @devintrinidad // @dweeb-central

word count: 2.7k || warnings: n/a

Listening to Leviathan rant was pretty much something that came with the territory of being his friend.

Whether about anime, his brothers, video games, anime, school, socializing, normies… oh, and don’t forget anime. There was always something on his mind, and his severely limited social circle meant you were often the recipient of his rants. Today in particular, it spanned a lot of different topics. Your recent absence hadn’t gone unnoticed, and the way he was going on made it seem like he’d bottled up every single emotion over the past few days and shoved them into a box labelled ‘re-open for Mc.’ 

Not that you loved him any less for it, of course. Poor Levi really couldn’t catch a break, and he was so excited to have someone like you who really cared about him-- well, who could blame him for wanting to open up?

Over the past week in particular, he’d been subjected to the usual trauma around the house. Apparently, he’d had Asmo and Satan gang up on him about never leaving the house, even the bookworm agreeing that Levi was too far gone. Mammon had ‘borrowed’ something of his, only for it to never return. Levi knew it was a bad idea every time, but he was too easily won over by promises of his investments being worth it. The last Akuzon delivery was supposed to be a limited edition maid-cafe-style Ruri-chan figurine, that smelled like her bean-cake best friend Azuki-tan-- which, of course, meant that Beel took a bite out of the package before Levi could get there to stop him. Lucifer had lectured him about grades, saying that he knew Levi could do better, if only he stopped playing video games so much-- “as if that’s a compliment!” 

Levi finally stopped pacing, rolling his eyes at the mere memory of it. He glanced down to where you sat, perched on the side of his tub. 

It wasn’t the most comfortable seat in the house, but his room wasn’t exactly made for visitors; you had to make do when you were there for a rant. He’d generally start talking while playing a video game, then gradually pause it, turn around, and eventually stand up and act out his frustrations. It was better for you to just start off seated on the side of his tub, that way he would have an aquarium backdrop for when he inevitably paced in front of you. It gave you a nicer view from the start, and when he wanted to sit again, he could choose to pull up his gaming chair or, if he was feeling particularly bold, sit down next to you.

As if he heard your thoughts, Levi plopped down next to you with a frustrated sigh. “Ugh, they totally don’t deserve to have you helping them all the time.” He grumbled, almost as if talking to himself. “I mean, I don’t either. I don’t know why you spend so much time around some gross otaku. And listen to all my problems, and--”

“Levi, it’s fine.” You assured him, “I don’t mind; we’re friends.” 

Levi glanced at you from the corner of his eye, as if he didn’t believe you. He shifted his gaze back to the fish tank in front of him and continued, “Still, I know I’m always venting to you, and…” 

The lack of eye contact didn’t prevent him from seizing up in your presence. You could practically see the buffering symbol in his brain, mouth wavering as he tried to force the words out. His face was getting red just from knowing your eyes were on him, somehow feeling as if every moment you waited politely for him to continue was a moment of pure torture.

“You don’t ever talk to me.” He mumbled. The words slurred together, as if he could barely convince himself to enunciate the syllables. He fumbled with the cord of his headphones and his stare shifted to the floor. Even eye contact with the fish must’ve been too much.

“We talk all the time.” You sounded much less sure than you felt, probably more out of hurt than anything. Did your friendship not mean as much as you thought it did? 

“That’s not what I--!” Levi frowned harder, tugging more incessantly at his headphones. He huffed out a frustrated breath, knowing what he wanted to say but not how to say it. “You do talk to me, but… you listen to me a lot more…” 

“So… you want me to talk more?” Levi was usually pretty easy to read. Sure, he didn’t say his emotions outright, but they were often written all over his face. In times like this though, when he was stuttering and refusing to make eye contact even more than normal, he wasn’t quite as transparent.

“No! Well, I mean, yes, but not-- I meant-- why don’t you ever ask?” Levi finally blurted out, surprising you both. “...for help? Why don’t you ever ask for help?”

“Uh… what?” Well, this was out of nowhere. You were supposed to be listening to his problems, but now he was upset that you hadn’t brought up yours? Was there some part of his rant that you were supposed to cut into with your own? 

“I notice, around the house, and RAD, and-- and everywhere. You never let people help you with things. You never ask for it yourself, even when you need it.” After a second, his eyes widened. “Not-- Not that I watch you! I-It’s nothing weird like that! I-I’m gross, and an otaku, and-- b-but-- I don’t st-stalk you or anything!” 

It was funny, watching Levi dig his own grave deeper. On the one hand, it was amusing to hear Levi desperately try to explain away any potential misinterpretation, but it was mixed with a fair amount of confusion about what his point was supposed to be. Your face must have portrayed this in some way, or at least one of these two emotions, because a cursory glance from Levi had him forcing himself back on track before he could say anything worse.

“I mean, I get why you don’t want my help. I-I’m just some yucky otaku, who’s anti-social and um, probably couldn’t help with anything anyway.” Levi was really good at kicking himself while he was down. Given, he always seemed to be down, and he always seemed to be kicking himself.

“Levi, that’s not why...” The words fell away halfway through your sentence, having caught yourself before admitting to anything. 

“So why?” You may have caught yourself before admitting anything too damning, but Levi caught it too. He was dense, not an idiot. “No, you don’t have to tell me. I mean, there’s a lot of other reasons you might not ask for help, too. Maybe you don’t want to feel weak, or admit that you need help from other people. Or maybe it’s because it’s hard to ask someone for something, when you’re already annoying them just by being around them. Or…  that last one is probably just me.”

“You’re not annoy--”

“It’s not about that!” Levi cut you off, determined to make his point. “The point is, you can’t do everything by yourself. Even Henry has the seven lords to help him. And Ruri-chan has her friends. In fact, her friends are what make her so--”

Levi took a deep breath, for once stopping his own tirade about anime. “Can you just… tell me why, at least?”

Song references aside, it wasn’t an easy question to answer, even if you wanted to. Levi didn’t often ask for this kind of thing though, which made it hard to turn him down. “It’s a lot of things, like you said. I just want to show that I can. Do things on my own, I mean.”

Levi frowned, unsure how to combat you. He already wasn’t exactly a pro on asking people for help, he holed up in his room too much for that. He had been, so far, basing it off the rare times he left his room. But now you were mentioning something that he could relate to on some level, except… “You… want to prove yourself?”

“I guess.” Not how you’d phrase it, necessarily, but not entirely inaccurate. Or really, it was oversimplifying the issue by a long shot, but it was better to give Levi half credit rather than no credit. His self esteem could certainly use it.

“But why!? You’re-- you’re so cool! You made a pact with every demon in the House of Lamentation! You could make a pact with Diavolo if you tried! You taught Satan to control his anger, you got Asmo to care about someone other than himself, you stood up to Lucifer when he was going to kill Beel and Luke-- and you, too!--, you got Belphie to get along with everyone again, you even died and--” It could’ve been that he realized what he was saying, or it could’ve been that he saw your face when he brought it up; either way, Levi clamped his mouth shut mid-sentence.

“I-I mean, not everyone gets to respawn.” He mumbled, hoping a video game reference would make it less awkward again. After a moment of silence, he reiterated his original point. “You don’t need to prove yourself. You already have.” 

It was heartwarming, hearing Levi sing your praises as he did. But that wasn’t exactly a quick fix for the fact that asking for help meant admitting you were bad at something. Or even just admitting to needing help at all. Lucifer said he had to teach you some pride, well here was a lesson you could skip. This one you knew well: don’t want to swallow your pride and ask for help? Easy, just don’t ever ask!

Levi seemed antsy to fill the silence, but managed to hit the nail on the head when he spoke again. “I know how it feels, when you see someone that’s better than you at something. It’s frustrating. And painful. Especially if you’re supposed to be the best, and then someone else knows more than you do, about a book series that they just read for the first time, and then spoil stuff about the one that hasn’t even been released yet, even though you’re the number one TSL fan and they shouldn’t even have that informa--”

“That was one time!” You protested. Levi let out a puff of air that was somewhere in between a scoff and a snort, but he didn’t seem to be legitimately angry. Then again, leave it to Levi to hold a grudge from the early days of the exchange program.

“Sometimes though, you can use that jealousy. Being jealous of someone can drive you to get better at things, or to learn from them. Or just ask them for help, if you have to. I’m never gonna work out like Beel, so if I need help lifting something I’ll just ask him for help doing it.” He deliberately didn’t mention his past experiences in asking for Beel’s help in getting fit, hoping you didn’t know about the devilgram posts Asmo made about it. You did, but decided to let it go. After a moment of consideration, he added, “I usually have to pay him with food, though.

“We may not always get along, but at least my brothers and I know how to depend on each other. Lucifer may act-- well, be annoyed a lot, but there’s a reason everyone goes to him for help. He helps the people he cares about… even if it comes with a lecture. Everyone knows to go to Satan if they need information, or help studying. Asmo’s so good with fashion that he works with Majolish, and still--” Levi’s chest puffed out a bit as he spoke-- “he comes to me for help in design too, since he knows I’m the best at cosplays.”

“That almost sounded like you were complimenting yourself.” Levi deflated a bit at your teasing tone, both embarrassed and a bit self-conscious. You felt some guilt about the latter, but none from the former. Not when his embarrassment meant his face scrunched up like that, and he floundered to go back on his own claims.

“W-Well, I didn’t mean-- of course I’m good at otaku stuff! A normie wouldn’t understand!” He floundered, clearly at a loss for what to say if he was falling back on calling you a normie. That was pretty much his version of sticking his tongue out when he lost.

“It’s hard to imagine Mammon ever gets asked for help.” You offered, trying to get him back on track. ...and maybe continue to push his buttons just a tad.

“That idiot--” Levi took a deep breath, gritting his teeth as he sought a way to talk about Mammon without including some form of insult, “He gets into trouble all the time, obviously. He’s a moron because of the kind of trouble he gets into, not because he asks for help. At least he knows to come to us for help when he needs it.”

At that, Levi gave you a pointed look. Well, consider that the last time you ever try to help him get back on track.

“Mc, none of us will think less of you. People usually consider it an ego-boost if someone comes to them for help. Especially if it’s y--” Levi fumbled, quick to brush past his near-slip. “If anything, we want to help. If you asked for help with your work and school and things, you’d have more time to yourself; for watching anime and playing games.” 

Levi tried to make it sound like he was being benevolent, but the implied ‘with me’ was hard to miss.

“So, you could try asking for help some more, to lighten your load. If you want. It would make me--  um, make u-us feel better, too.” He seemed content in ending it there, and made an effort to end any potential continuation of the topic. Flipping on a dime, Levi was quick to talk over any potential response. “Th-That’s all, anyways!  Uh, we can just-- go back to, you know. Playing devilcart, or um, we can watch some anime, or--”

“Thank you, Levi.” You had to put a hand on his arm to make him listen, the simple action instantly sending the touch-starved demon into fight-or-flight mode. “I’ll try.”

He swallowed back his nerves and nodded, surprised he had managed to make it through that whole talk. You were too, really, as soon as you realized that this was supposed to be his intervention for you.

As much as you might loathe to admit it, his talk made sense. Or at least it had some aspects of truth to it, and perhaps you felt marginally better about asking the bros for help. Levi made it very clear how he felt about wanting to help you, the least you could do was see if the others felt the same. And hey, maybe he had a point about people wanting you to ask them for help in general, too. Who would’ve guessed it, but so far these demons seemed to know a thing or two about sinning.

---

“Is something the matter, my Lord?”

“It’s been awfully quiet the past few days. I wonder what those brothers are up to?” Boredom generally caused Diavolo’s mind to wander to the Devildom’s most notorious troublemakers, but this week especially. His fellow members of the student council had been quieter than normal, without even a yelling match in days; much less something exciting enough to warrant Diavolo’s attention. Thus leaving the prince here, sighing as he pondered their goings on.

Barbatos poured Diavolo’s tea with a knowing smile. “They have been quite busy this week.”

“Oh?”

“It seems they’re corrupting Mc.” Barbatos spoke as if it were a common occurrence. 

Diavolo chuckled. “Should we be worried?”

“Quite the opposite. They’re working together to get Mc to take better care of themself.”

“Is that so?” Lethargy had caused Diavolo to ignore his tea at first, but the new information made him forget about it altogether. Diavolo sat up straighter, excitement tugging his mouth into a smile. “Perhaps I’ll bring tomorrow’s meeting to Lucifer, and pay the house of lamentation a visit.”

“Of course, my Lord.”