#but now im scared im actually crazy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xoxobonni333 · 3 days

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i also fear im having psychosis paranoia . like i THINK i hear and see people but I dont feel like those crazy people in movies who actually see and hear things. it is like when you are zoning out and the people around you are still interacting or doing something and once you zone back in ask "what did you say?" (because maybe they said something to you) and they say "nothing" (but no in an upset way where they think maybe you were ignoring them or it isnt the time to converse) and now you feel crazy and like you swore that mustve been the appropriate time to have said something or they did say something. I also keep feeling like i see figures from my peripheral vision like not creepy but doing regular things but then there isn't

#comforts me to put it in words #but now im scared im actually crazy

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opikiquu · 5 months

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aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE

#★ arin rambles #‘here we go again’ you think everytime you see my ramble tag. I dont blame you #AVENTURINE AVENTURINE PLEASE SAVE ME WHITE BOY #OH MY LORD #OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS OH MY GOODNESS.#MY JSOE IS RUNNING HES RUINNING MY LIFE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO ILL PLEASE I #AVENTURINE. im so serious i can talk about this man all day. and more specifically this video #‘it was just posted 30 minutes ago arin youre scaring the kids’ SILENCE. I NEED SPACE #I NEED A. A MOMENT. EVERYBODY PLEAS GETA WAY FROM ME IM GOING TO GET SO SCARY #Please. Im so sorry. Im begging you . I love this man oh my gish please hes so cute #HES SO CUTE. HES SO CUTE IM SO SICK OF HIM WHY???????? WHY IS HE SO PRETTY HES SO PRETTY HES GOREGOUS HES SO STUNNING. HELLO. HELLO.#Im going to. Slam my head against the wall im overwhelmed with joy and happiness hes everything ive ever wanted ever #any minute not spent talking about him is a moment wasted i promise you MY PRINCESS IM COMING TO SAVE YOU #IM HIS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR EXCEPT ITS NOT SHINY #IM COVERED IN DIRT #IM STILL COMING FOR YOU AVENTURINE RUN #oh goodness me oh my #im so happy hes so prettu im so happy i cant do rhis im sweating geniumnly i feel so sick #Im cant . Do this anymore. I CANT TAKE IT. I HAVE TO… AAUGH… AAAHH… I HAVE TO…. DANCE!#guys…. he my favorriet…#my slinky….. my krimpet… my teacup i think. My doc mc stuffins doctor playset. My dishwasher. My italian coldsteel cinquedea . atp anything #hes my EVERYTHING. MY EVERYTHING…!!!!!!!! *MY TELEKENISIS THROWS EVERYTTHING ACROSS THE ROOM*#yall i dont think ive had a hyperfixation this horribly bad since. Since the. Since. MAN I DONT KNOW #IM COOKED. HE WOMT LEAVE ME ALONE. I LITERALLY DREAMT OF HIM LAST NIGHT LIKE IM SO DOOMED? ACTUALLY?#oh to be medicated and focus on . Things like cooking. Or idk. Getting a job. No i just think about some messed up blonde all day im absolut #ly DOOMED #yes im still yapping i got 30 tags u gon stick through them all. Every single one of them. Dont leave me please i want to talk about him ton #TO SOMEONE. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM TO SOMEONE ALL DAY. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TESTING. IM LEFT ALONE ALL DAY I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WIFE #i womder how crazy i look right now #Sighs lovingly at him..

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acanthemp3 · 4 months

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sorry for disappearing from tumblr for 3 months without saying anything but im back now :> hiiiiiii :> ill ramble a bit abt why i was gone in the tags. anyway yay hi guys :> good evening :> hows everyone doing :>

#i really do feel bad... i was originally just taking a few days off to catch up on assignments #but i got convinced the internet was poisoning my brain m i got super scared of coming back online for some reason i couldnt really identif #then i realized it was one of my classic attempts to self isolate to solve all my problems when all it actually was is self sabatoge.#many such cases!#so much has happened but also literally nothing has happened at all. crazy #youd think all that time not on tumblr would have made me more productive but it didnt. i just napped and wallowed.#i wish i could come back with more art or something but i lowkey got nothing. but im working on several things yay!! look forward to it #on the bright side i think i recognize the impulse a bit better now and im trying to stop shutting myself off from any kind of community #u know how it is when its almost ur birthday and u realize that time keeps passing and if u keep living the way u are -#- ur never going to be happy? yeah.#so im probly going to be a bit chattier online or at least try to be. im trying to live my life less afraid of everything in many ways #angel.txt

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thedinalixlegacy · 2 months

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Guess who is going to get married????😳😳

#i said yes!!#this is crazy!!#this proposal came out of nowhere but at the same time so nicely timed #aaahh I'm still flabbergasted #and so HAPPY #and also scared because im supposed to be an actual adult now with a WEDDING at some poiny #point*#aaaaaaahhh #not swtor #dina talks

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james-spooky · 12 hours

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this is a test

#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th #the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo #g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit #ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco #ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo #e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a #ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha #e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t #care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea #y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss #im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop #e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo #ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas #ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can #use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s #much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a #annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically #now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s #lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like #what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or #smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc #ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other #than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140 #haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai #let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o #what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some #one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james #im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh #w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause #ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:

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ryujintual · 1 month

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I JUST REWATCHED PIWON MOVIE AND I HAVE THINGS TO SAY

#okay first of all THEY DEBUTED WITH A MOVIE !!!! that's so crazy every time i think about it im like woooow #jongseob and intak acting debut when ???? they were sooo good omg unlike kyo i didn't remember how bad he was 😭😭 but his #character is hilarious so it's fine <3 ALSO i completely forgot yoo jaesuk and jung haein are in it like guysss what are u doing here hihi #anyways absolutely oscar worthy real cinema if u ask me #now after taking notes and watching the new trailer a few times i think that p1epi is actually chaeyoons weird talking plushie #but since it's away from her it can't talk so that's why jongseob create that thingy to translate from #dog language to human language and i think it's there because maybe the members got like lost in time and #it wants to remind them that they have to save the entire world from the apocalypse #also p1epi came down from the sky just like the alcot meteor like ummm yes we love symbolism 🙂‍↕️#i saw someone saying the dog it's actually intak because the dog came through the window and intak wakes up next to one but it doesn't make #any sense to me so we're throwing that idea in the trash can #talking about intak hes now has blue eyes so that means he got infected but honestly when did that happen while he was fighting #some zombie? idk i think i have to watch all their mvs again for clues but what that means he's one of the bad guy now??#also i may be insane but what if the shop represents the world and seeing it in flames means the members couldn't save it and their lore #ends with the saddest ending ever like yeah sorry the apocalypse won #OR WHAT IF !!!!! they aren't the ones who can save the world they actually are the reason why it's ending like the masked ghost #actually created them to spread the virus and that would also explain them at the end of the trailer looking #at the burning shop without doing anything like they ARE alcot the meteor thats gonna destroy the world #but that would be too dark i know they're the heroes so it will have a happy ending #i have many theories but im starting to scare myself so ill shut up #pt

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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🧸♡ ⋆｡˚

#it actually does make such a huge difference omg im like ... feels like i got thrown into the floor lost my breath #having someone i like so much to talk to abt things #and share stuff and details abt not only my days but their days too #and talking abt like books that we read or shows/movies we saw and etc etc #sending pics. sending voice messages. all of that #that was so amazing wth???#it sounds like such a mundane thing but it changed my enire baseline. it wasnt a littel thing to me #i didnt share as much as i wanted to because it takes me longer to settle into smth like this #or any kind of connection/correspondence/bond/rapport #im slow bc im so scared of ppl. scared of trusting. scared of opening up. rejection rejection all of that #yeah.. takes me a lot longer than the average person to settle into smth like this #avpd is its own special hell...#i miss it a lot and i wish there hadnt been all the other circumstances so i could've actually relaxed into it #and come out of my shell completely. which i was almost there. now that mental block is gone but it's too late....#i take too long... it is impossible to be patient with me. i really hate everything abt my brain #my desire overtook my fear and it was quicker than it ever has but not enough.. :(#i miss it sm and it made me feel so so much lust for life..#but it's gone now and i can really feel the loss of it #i wouldve done anything i could to save it. or nurture it. or whatever. but it was a sacred treasure to /me/.#it doesnt matter if i try to put out the flames in a burning house if the house is gone and there are actually only the flames left #and since to me it is so special. and like. the fact that this even happened is crazy to me stuff like this feelings and connection never #happen to me. it's like.. special to talk to someone u like & have an established rapport with on a regular basis #and tell them stuff and rant abt like a book or whatever. ask them details abt their life bc u know them and enjoy knowing them #i cant just transfer all of this to someone else. i dont feel like yapping abt the book im reading into the void or someone i barely know #i just dont know... i need that sm and it was so amazing w someone i like sm. & it makes me sad i takes me too long to get fully comfortable #bc of this time were it was the most intense and long lasting for me but also im in love lmao. but other times too...#i take too long and why would someone wanna wait like actually a year (which is how long it often takes me to pass a certain barrier)#im not special. im nothing that great. it is easy to find someone else who is x1000 better than me and wont take an eternity to warm up #i just feel so sad bc i try so hard and then all of my effort just goes down the drain and then i have to do it again if i meet someone #then they'll leave me behind too and get tired of me and not like what they see and then im back at square 1 again

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bmpmp3 · 6 months

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i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!

#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to #that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know #but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look #like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies #dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS #plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song #and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal #again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness.#plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like #yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more #OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit #love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning #im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY #i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy #but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like #emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness #its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool #addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic #but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english??????#people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys #this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like #the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth #but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me.....#a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd #i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying #about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement

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awoooooooooooooooo · 3 months

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well I went to the pride thing with my wife's gf and her other partners and I had a good time. I was pretty ermm overstimulated and anxious most of the time which means I don't talk much and I stand around with my arms crossed looking like >:/ and I was so nervous ppl would think I'm being a bitch or something but everyone was nice to me and included me and that felt really good. And then I finally got to get drunk at the gay club and was in my element dancing and singing which was nice bc then everyone got to see me rly being more like myself and more talkative and stuff. And then I actually stayed the night at her place (and threw up in her toilet oops) kinda crazy. I honestly didn't know how it would go I was half expecting to freak out and leave early but I stayed longer than expected?? And it wasn't easy the whole time like I got upset a few times but I handled it and didn't spiral :D preddy cool

#mostly upset cuz i like hate myself and was feeling sssoooo much like a broken and crazy bitch #like why can't i be normal why can't i be fun and cool like i am when it's just me and my wife why am i so weird and mentally ill type shit #weeehhhhhh well. its a process.#we might become friends now (me and my wifes gf) idk she is actually really cool and nice im just like. a freak. and scared

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firebuug · 20 days

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having someone call ur food good is unmatched why didn't anyone tell me before. i 💚 cooking

#i made julian a cooking lover househusband before i ever realize i love cooking for people. I LOVE IT WHEN PPL LOVE MY FOOD🔥🔥🔥#anyways i went crazy and made 4 wraps 😱😱😱guysssss hes so crazyyy #txt #they taste good af tho #i was so scared i was gonna starve when i went to uni bc i never cooked that often before #but im actually doing ok. now if im getting balanced meals is another thing but #we cross that bridge if we get to it

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pierog · 11 months

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i love cooking (makes me feel like a witch concocting a brew) & have been getting sooo much more fun & experimental with it lately now im "freelance" (unemployed but in an artsy way).. its what senshi (dungeon meshi) would want.

#sorry to be that girl but #in italy this summer #during my eat slay love adventure #living in a country manor with loads of gay men who are incredible cooks #i began to really treasure what goes into my body #(food not cocks)#(at least in this instance)#anyhow that plus hanging out w my cousin aleks who's an amazing cook has me so inspired #(he looks like senshi actually)#considering i used to be (tw) very eating disordered i get so giddy with glee seeing my progress since hs #being scared of food to loving it with all my heart and stomach #yesterday i made palak paneer but w silverbeet.. the silverbeet wasnt as good but it was so fun #personal #my body feels really full of nutrients atm :] crazy what a diffo it can make #btw i be self deprecating about freelance but im getting scouted for loads of writing and game design right now which slaps the fuck

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opikiquu · 6 months

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im going to be so annoying all week

#agghagahah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HYYESAAHHHH #★ arin rambles #BRO BRO PLEASLE #PELASE #my apology for everyone. I have to make it now . Sorry. If youre following me destroy that notif button you dont wanna hear how worse i will #get #actually no just Unfollow entirely #ITS THE ADHD #PLEASE. HE IS SO . COOL. his trailer is so awesome IVE REWATECHED IT 3 TIME SNOW.#I LOVE HIMMMMMMM SO MUCHHHHH #I LOVE HIM SO BAD I JUST ADORE HIM PLEASE #HES SO PRETTY. JAW DROPPING. ICONIC. LIFE CHANGING. THE TEARS IN MY EYES. GENUINELY SOBBING RITHT NOW IT S SO OVER #aventurine likers hold me. Nobody understands. Everyone is scared of me im too crazy #actually its everything wrong with me . Hes ruining my life #i dont struggle as an aventurine liker i actually excel at this its my full rime job now #‘9 to 5’ no i work 9 to 9. Every hour is dedicated to him #im glad uguys agree with me thannk uou i was starting to think i was a freak #Well i am but im glad someone else agrees hes cool #Hes so pretty im so happy #I CAMT WAIT RILL WENDENSDAY PLEASE IM GONNA FREAKIFN BLOW UP #I LOVE AVENTURINE. I LOVE AVETURINE.#i get so happy when i see him i get a little violent its unsettling .#like im like shaking my hands and jumping around my room and then u blink and im bashing my head against the floor #its carpet. Im ok. But like not but i am #DUDE. I LOVE. THIS GUY. EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM #i needto. Just. Okay brb gonna watch ir like 20 more times ill see u guys next year im going into a Aventurine induced coma #this makes me realize people read my tags. Oh dear. Sorry everypony #i apologize for my behavior. I will get so much scarier.#HES SO COOL. HES ACTYALLU SO COOL. LIKE HOW CAN SOMEBODY BE SO COOL.#oh god OH LORERDRDRDDDDDDD WHEN I GET YOU BOY WHEN I FIND YOU. WATCH OUT. WATCH OUT I WILL GET YOU.

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futureassassin · 2 months

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im so excited to go to therapy for the first time ever on thursday! shes gonna be like well whats your problem nd im gonna be like "well. y'see. there are bugs in my legs and the only way to get them out is through stabbing. lol. lmao even." and shes gonna be all "woah! youre crazy insane! i am going to kill you now." and ill just be "ok. lol." and then i die. badly.

#nervous whats nervous im not nervous #oh yeah wait #bel rings #ANYWAYS #matbe ill finally find out why i constantly feel like there are bugs crawling under my skin #<- thinks they know why and is scared if the answer #also kinda funny i guess i really wanna get one of those beetle elbow pit tattoos cayse theyre cool but i feel like having a bug tattoo #while my mind insists that im covered in bugs crawling all over me and theyre in my legs and my arms and my back and my face nd theyre gonna #eat my brain?#probably not in my best interest rn lmao #oo wait #tw bugs #tw self harm #im gonna put thise just in case #anyways half of me like actually want it to be *soemthing* so i have a REASON for why i feel like im losing my mind #the other half thinks nothing is wrongs and im being overdramatic #like i think nobody really believes me when i say i feel like im being watched or that theres shadow people just outside of my vision #like even when they tell me they believe me its like what if theyre just humoring me yknow #like to the point im not even sure if i believe myself tgat theres something wrong even tho IM the one EXPERIENCING IT and it all feels REAL #i think its cause i phrase everything as a joke so much that when i say crazy stuff everyome thinks im joking #like when i genuinely believed i was psychic for like a year or so (sometimes i still wonder....)#i forgot where i was goung with this lmao ill shush up now

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eriecanal · 2 months

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briefly hopped on twitter and discovered the teens on there are still doing bisexual vs pansexual discourse centered around whether bisexual people are into nonbinary people or not. reminded me of when i was like 14 and temporarily socially transitioning for the first time, and someone told me that some girl was her bisexual awakening, but i was her pansexual awakening because i was nonbinary 😭

#crazy how i was like the first person i knew irl who did any gender stuff and i was semi-out with it and now im too scared to come out #what happened to meeeee #well i know what it's because i realized i needed to actually transition to be happy instead of sitting in the no medical transition zone #and that i would have to be like notably transgender in a real sense to the world. and well im a coward #x

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lesbianfrottage · 2 months

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Okay but I need to be someone's beloved wifepet and belong to them completely and be able to pour my whole energy into just loving them. When will it be my turn!

#it won't be honestly #I do not think I will ever actually get to have that #I'm not pretty and I'm disabled in ways that both physically and mentally make me unappealing #so no one really wants anything real with me #especially JUST with me #and I'm *scared* of hurting someone with my craziness tbh #and I only trust like. 3 people at all rn and for various reasons none of those people and I are going to date #and in most of those cases I'm very relieved and in the other there's mixed feelings but mostly positive bc again. i don't want to hurt any1 #but i still yearn for it #it's still an emotional need #and I hate that it just isn't ever going to be met #it actually hurts so so badly knowing it won't be met #but i also understand that some people just dont get that kind of happiness #some of us just don't get to be loved #some of us are too ugly and crippled and insane for people to *want* us #i just don't really... want to keep going knowing thay #I'll post it here in the tags bc no one i know reads this blog #(a few know about it but it's not like anyone ever checks it)#but I'm definitely ideating and at risk rn #and i feel pathetic that this is what's doing it #but im an emotionally gooey person and a physical touch person and I'd already been thinking relationships probably werent something i can #like. even do #but then there was a blowup with my ex and like. it was made clear that i can not safely engage with anyone #like emotionally or romantically or sexually #because I'll just hurt them.#like there are parts of me i would like to change but are such a core part of me that they will never change #and they will always hurt someone if we're together ling enough #so im just going to idk.#isolate now tbh #im just gonna cry so much and know i will NEVER have what i emotionally need out of life

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g0thsoojin · 3 months

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🌹

#he isnt even replying now #and hasnt since tuesday #bc i got too emotional and crazy and said things #i shouldnt have said and i said them in ways i didnt mean #and i just hurt him and now #he proably doesnt wanna open our chat bc of the stupid things i said #im actually scared that this time.... this time was it #and that he wont..... message me again :((#what if i truly fucked up even more #and now wont even get to keep in touch w him and just message him sometimes??????#god wtf did i do what did i do #i thinkk he doesnt hate me #bc i thiiiink that he interacted w a couple of mty posts after i sent those messages and he read them but didnt reply #maybe i just unloaded on him and then hes now too avoidant to look???

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