#but now i can be weak about xiao zhan's face and hands and everything

[sandushengshou]

xiao zhan appreciation [91/ ∞]

[askew-d]

sanctuary

a poem dedicated to xiao zhan

You don’t need to ask where I’ve been before, you don’t need to ask about a long past; how many people I encountered, how many paths I’ve crossed until reaching yours, you should know that it simply doesn’t matter anymore. I found shelter here, right here — in your eyes, in your arms, in your lips; and love is the way you continually struggle to understand me, to understand my ways, how you leap through the kitchen to prepare a new dish for us to taste, an odd kind of tea, a different type of pasta, a foreign type of bread — “hey, try this out, I think you’re gonna like it,” and I do, I do like it, I like how you cover my face in kisses as the first thing in the morning, as the most important thing before beginning the day, more important than opening the window or engaging into your routine of exercises, even more important than turning on the lights of our bedroom; you plant kisses on my face, pull the duvet close to my body and says “good morning, my love,” then sun embraces our curtains, and you stay. I like the way you focus on listening to what I have to say, although I mostly ramble about foolish stuff you don’t exactly care about, such as complicated games, a sports competition, a motorcycle race but you still nod to my ranting, and I like it when you nod still, I like it, I like the way you wash my hair at night, though I get home late and sometimes you’re too tired to wash my hair, you tell me you love the color, “blond suits you, it’s the color of oat and wheat,” I laugh because it’s stupid, but if you like oat and wheat then it’s fine; sometimes you’re better with your metaphors, and those are the times where I can barely hold my heart in the chest, sometimes, regardless if our sometimes are actually rare, you tell me, “blond suits you, your hair is the color of sunset,” and it’s really not fair, you’re such a wonder, my heart needs some rest — but oh, I like it, you know I like it. I like it when your hands find my hands most nights, and you hold me as if space has never, ever existed between us, then you tell me, “I love you,” and I am simply too weak, so these nights I sleep dreaming of red. I like it when you explain me art stuff I know too little about, you talk about indigo, cobalt, coral — colors I’ve never heard of, but I do know your eyes are color walnut, I only know it because of you, did you know I don’t care about artistic stuff if they’re not being used to describe yourself to me? I like it though, I like the way you ask sweetly about my day, and if I say that something upset me, you hug me protectively, then I fantasize that the world exists singularly for us both. I like it when your buy gifts for me and for my parents, because my parents love gifts, and you remember mom’s favorite color, dad’s favorite stamps, if they’ll enjoy this or that, we take pictures together and your first instinct is to send it to them, you three — friends, I imagine, must now know everything about each other, and it warms my heart, you know? I wish you to always know. I like it when you say my name — it’s a short-lettered name, but still, it sounds infinite when you claim; I like it when you get jealous, but you barely get jealous (I think you do recognize that there’s no competition, when you alone has dug a home here inside me). I don’t like it when we fight, but it’s fine because we almost never do, and if we do, we make it up soon, you continue to remember me to keep going further; I like it, no — I love it, I love how we’ll always find our route back to each other. Even right now, as you lay next to me beneath the covers, I strive to write you some words, because you’re so demanding, you’re so demanding and so lovely, how could I write you, if I already have you? How could I write about love, if you’re right here already? You see, love is in our bedroom, written in our walls, in the kitchen and backyard; whether this is a sin or not, let me rest inside your arms.

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 17 second part

(Masterpost) (Previous Post) (Pinboard)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!!

Breaking Good

Wen Qing comes to visit Wen Ning in their backyard meth lab, and tells him that he fucked up a recipe, merely by taking a whiff of the concoction. She uses the approved "wave fumes toward self" way of smelling that you learn in high school science if you live in a country that believes in teaching science, which OP does not.

Wen Ning wants to know if they are going to have a feud, and she tells him there already is one. She tells explains to him that they're good Wens, not evil Wens, and that Jiang Cheng is fucked, and they should send the Jiangs away in the morning before Wen Chao comes around. 

Wen Ning whines at her about all of this, shifting into little-brother persona and acting like he didn't just take down 40 of Wen Chao's soldiers in a single night. He does this same persona shifting in his later unlife, with Wei Wuxian. When there is trouble, he's extremely effective, and can even tail WWX and Lan Wangji without getting caught, but then he is hopeless when dealing with turnips or children. 

Here, it seems like a version of Wei Wuxian's own little-brother persona, in which he pretends to be helpless so that his sister can take care of him.

#studyblr

Wei Wuxian comes into Wen Qing's head shop to ask her for medical books. He loves his brother so much he's volunteering for a research project. We've seen him be clever before; we've seen circumstantial evidence that he's a good student, but now we're going to see him actually buckling down and doing intellectual work.

Wen Qing thinks its hopeless and wants Wei Wuxian to get some rest. But he gives her puppydog eyes, so she sets him up in her library.

Wei Wuxian reads a huge pile of medical books and learns interesting things about the human body.   

(more after the cut)

Hopefully he does not splotch ink all over them while he holds this wet brush directly over the page. Why does he even have a brush in his hand? Is he taking notes in the margin? 

Wen Qing eventually tells him to take a break and go see Jiang Yanli.

Segmentation fault (core dumped)

Jiang Yanli is tending to Jiang Cheng, gently telling him to suck it up by citing their father, which is probably not the greatest idea. 

Yanli's wearing dark blue with white and looks awesome.  It's not Gusu Lan blue, but the blue and white is an interesting choice for the excruciating heart to heart they're about to have.  

Wei Wuxian shows up looking terrible, or the Xiao Zhan version of terrible, i.e. handsome and a little scruffy. But also worn out, unhappy, and fragile.

Jiang Yanli wants him to rest, but he wants to find a way to repair Jiang Cheng's core, and his mind races, trying to think of where he can get books and who can help him. His thoughts instantly go to Cloud Recesses and Lan Wangji. His face lights up at the thought that Lan Wangji will help him, and he hops up, ready to dash off and find him.

The first time I watched this I was like, dude yes you’re in love, but you can’t just dash off to find Lan Wangji, not when there’s a war on.  This time I was like, actually wow things would turn out a whole lot better if you got Lan Wangji to help you, instead of coming up with your own plan.

Mother Mother Can You Tell Me

Jiang Yanli tells him to slow his roll.  He's pushing himself too hard and she's afraid he will collapse. Then Wei Wuxian comes out and says what's driving him: maybe all these disasters are his fault.

It's telling, I think, that he cites Madame Yu, not Jiang Cheng, in this moment, even though Jiang Cheng has blamed him much more thoroughly and consistently. He's talking about one mother figure, to another mother figure, and looking for absolution.

He super does not get what he's looking for.

Jiang Yanli slowly lets go of him and goes the fuck off. She asks, rhetorically, what he's to blame for, and then lists off all of the shit that's happened.  She finishes up by saying, look at our situation; blaming won't help anything. 

It's unclear, because language/translation, if her answer is "it doesn't matter who's to blame" I.E. "yes, it's your fault, but I'm letting it go" or if she is saying "how does blaming yourself help anything?" I.E. "it's not your fault, stop being a drama llama."

Her body language, though, seems pretty blameful - she lets go of him, yells at him, sits down and turns away from him.  And his reaction is not one of shared grief, or of someone who is trying to get over himself; he's totally crushed, and he literally never unburdens himself to her again.  Even when he asks her, much later, about love, he immediately backs out of the conversation. 

There is no violence in this moment and her reaction is understandable, but this is kind of similar to that one time when his brother choked him in a beautiful field of grass, in order to make himself feel better. 

Then she kind of relents and takes his hand, telling him that she needs him and reminding him that he promised that they will go back to Lotus Pier. I don't remember him promising this, but okay. 

He puts his head on her lap and he cries, she cries, comatose Jiang Cheng cries; FUCK this episode.  

Jiang Cheng manages to cry only one tear and does it on the side of his face that his siblings can't see because he's not going to give them the satisfaction of sharing this moment with him, I guess.

When Wei Wuxian puts his head on Jiang Yanli's lap, it's part of a ritual for them, that they both are comforted by; he does it again much later, after they return to Lotus Pier. But this ritual does not actually do anything to relieve his burdens. As a male adult, and the only Jiang Clan disciple with any abilities, it falls to him to save the clan, whatever it takes, and he is heavily aware of it.

Wen Qing comes along and sees the sweet part of this complicated Shijie-Shidi dynamic, and decides to help with Wei Wuxian's research project. When the trio had just lost their parents, gotten sick, been pursued by enemies, & had one of Yanli's little brothers horribly wounded, Wen Qing was like, eh, I'll do the doctor stuff but that's it. But lap-crying is another level. 

Wen Qing: Nooo don't put your head on her knees I failed my saving throw

Group Project

Wen Qing goes and cleans up the mess in the library, putting everything in order and settling in to read systematically. Wen Qing probably has the prettiest bullet journal. (OP looks proudly at the 100 loose slips of paper and piles of random stuff on her own desk)

Wei Wuxian has shaved and rested and comes in with a tray of food for Wen Qing, and then goes to his table in the back to start working. He claims he made "porridge" for her and that she has to eat to gain strength, and she gives him an intrigued expression.  This moment is just blatant het baiting.  

In fact the food he brings her is clearly not porridge, which might just be a translation error, but also he totally can't cook, so it's not clear if he's joking and Yanli or Wen Ning made the food, or if this is just inedible.

The Things We Do For Love

Yanli is working in the meth lab and coughing a lot. Yanli's chronic illness is a sign of what's to come for Wei Wuxian, because strong cultivators don't get sick. Yet Yanli, as a physically vulnerable person, who has either a weak golden core, or none, is still intrinsically valuable.  Her presence in this scene is a reminder that Jiang Cheng's life is not, actually, over; he just feels like it is.

While Yanli cooks the meth, Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing have a study montage that is the equivalent of a training montage, except without "Eye of the Tiger" on the soundtrack.

Jiang Cheng remains unconscious. Apparently if you stick nails in the top of someone's head, you make them sleep, and in the back of their head, you turn them into part of your zombie army. Fortunately Wen Qing's aim is good. Jiang Cheng is looking devastatingly handsome as usual the TV version of unwell, and has grown a perfect Dorito-chip of stubble on his chin to go with his new 'stache.

Eventually Wei Wuxian changes back into his non-vampire robe and he finds the answer in an old scroll book. The Ikea instruction picture shows arrows going from the guy on the left to the guy on the right.  Clearly it's not a great procedure for the guy on the left.

Wei Wuxian's face shows us exactly how not great. 

Like walking in the rain and the snow and there’s no place to go and you’re feeling like a part of you is dying

He goes outside and gazes up at the trees and the sky as he contemplates the sacrifice that circumstance is forcing on him. He's not even making a choice at this point; his choice was made the moment he found the procedure. But it's going to be a tremendous loss for him. He values sword cultivation at least as much as Jiang Cheng does; he even fell in love with a boy over crossed swords. So he sits and just kind of comes to terms with this new understanding of his future. (Big gifs here)

Wen Qing finds him sitting, stunned, on the porch. She doesn't know what's up so she just sits quietly with him until he's ready to tell her.

She doesn't love the plan.  

Thunder, Th-th-thunder

Wen Ning is bringing food up when he sees them arguing, and he is startled by situationally appropriate thunder and lightning. Having recently watched The Lost Tomb Reboot I've come to expect thunder and lighting to appear on cue in any possible situation, so the fact that this mini-storm clears right up again doesn't bother me.

What About You?

Wen Ning dashes inside to see what Mom and Dad are fighting about. They're having a polite shouting match because Wen Qing refuses to yank out Wei Wuxian's core. 

Wen Qing: I hate the idea of harming you Wei Wuxian: I don’t even understand that sentence

Wei Wuxian doesn’t, of course, feel that he is important in any way, and ignores her concerned and appalled expressions in favor of telling her to just do it anyway. Amazingly, this does not convince her. 

OP’s 177cm-tall son keeps telling her this

Then Wei Wuxian plays the "you know Jiang Cheng" card, which...I guess she does? Maybe he was chatting her up more than we saw in Cloud Recesses? He hasn't given her the comb or anything yet. Wei Wuxian explains that Jiang Cheng cares about gain and loss, and cultivation is his life. If he can only be ordinary the rest of his life will be ruined.

Wen Qing asks the question that nobody ever asks him: What about you? 

Wei Wuxian has literally nothing to say to that, possibly because the question is so new to him. 

Wen Ning doesn't know what's going on but comes squarely in on team Wei, of course, and begs his sister to Do The Thing.  How fucking horrified is Wen Ning going to be when he learns what The Thing is? What he is personally going to help do to his beloved friend? Yikes.   

Wen Qing caves, warning them that the chance of success is only 50 percent. Wei Wuxian is happy to take those odds.

Lan Wangji, projecting his voice from Episode 46: fifty percent, are you fucking kidding me?

Soundtrack: 1. Mother Mother by Tracy Bonham 2. The Things We Do For Love by 10cc 3. Thunder by Imagine Dragons

[sheadre]

Aurora Borealis (Jiang Cheng x Reader) Part Five

Summary: Zhu Ran'En (Reader) the imperial princess, was sent into exile for a crime she did not commit. Meeting Jiang Wanyin, the Yunmeng Jiang sect’s leader was not just a chance meeting. Their fates were written in the stars however, her relations to the royal family will never let her live in peace. How will she manage to save the kingdom while trying to keep Jiang Wanyin away from the snakes of the royal family?

Word Count: 3076

Warnings: fluff, romance, blood and violence, idiots in love

Previous Chapter - Series Masterlist

Preparations for the arriving attack were made and now you waited nervously for everything to play into completion. The calm mask you wore usually was nowhere to be seen, it was replaced with a deep frown on your delicate face. Jiang Wanyin haven’t said anything ever since you showed him your curse but did not treat you differently. It felt like he accepted that as a fact about you and that was that. The dark dragon’s powers provided you with the ability to use resentful energy for cultivation. It was a legend, a myth circling around the kingdom since decades. Your mother used to tell tales about the mighty dark dragon who protected the kingdom from the northern tribes’ attacks.

You remembered when you begged the Heavens to give you enough power to bring peace to the kingdom and stop your cousin and uncle in destroying it completely. That night was quiet when you decided to spend three nights and days praying in the temple. The last night was the hardest as you knelt there without eating or drinking anything. Your lips were chapped and dry, your bones hurting and your skin prickling with how long it’s been since you last washed your face properly. Your eyes kept drooping as you knelt, murmuring prayers to the heavens. Suddenly, the candles at the altar were blown out by the strong wind hitting you as well and knocking you off balance as you knelt. Tears that stayed unshed now rolled down your cheeks and you quickly wiped at them as you tried to get your bearings back. Suddenly, a hand reached out for your hand. A white, pale hand with slender fingers, a white sleeve ending at the wrist of the person standing in front of you. You looked up in surprise as the person seemed to almost glow. You were greeted with a handsome young man smiling softly at you. His face looked so feminine that you could’ve mistaken him as a woman if he would wear a nice hanfu and some make-up.

“I heard your prayers, your highness” he spoke softly, kindness radiating from his heavenly presence. His voice was gentle like velvet, caressing your ears with every word he spoke.

“W-Who are you?” you asked confused. “How did you get in the palace?”

“I am Xie Lian, your highness, I came in behalf of the Heaven’s Court” he explained patiently. You accepted his hand to help you up but pulled your hand back once you were standing on your feet.

“Why?” you asked again even more confused. Why was a heaven official here and what did he want? You prayed for inner power to defeat the evil, confidence in yourself and strength to move forward even when you’re knocked down. You were so confused, you didn’t even question if he was some lunatic or was talking the truth.

“You prayed for it yourself” another male’s voice scoffed from the side. Your head whipped to the figure who was leaning against a pillar lazily. He was dressed in red clothes, his hair let down freely and a black eyepatch hiding one of his eyes. His presence felt… dark.

“You wished for powers to protect the weak and I was sent to grant your wish” Xie Lian smiled at you gently. You took a step back unbelieving of what was happening. How could you be worthy of the heaven’s attention like this? You wanted will power, not real power. Seeing the frightened expression on your face, Xie Lian took a step closer and placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. “The Heavenly Emperor sent me himself and he has a good reason to do so.”

“What reason?” you asked curious. Imagining heaven to have no snakes in the court would’ve been a careless thought, outright stupidity but while people live on the earth, they only care about their petty lives. Xie Lian smiled uneasily and sighed.

“That is unfortunately-“

“You’ll realize how shitty is the afterlife, princess, once you pass on” the other man huffed his handsome face in a scowl interrupting the man dressed in white. You narrowed your eyes at him, eyebrows furrowed but only rolled your eyes in the end at how he was speaking.

“San Lang! Do not be rude to the princess!” the official scolded the red clothed man.

“It does not matter, I have been through worse…” you sighed heavily, tired of everything. You had no energy left as you have been feeling agitated these last few months. No matter how you tried, you couldn’t get everything back to the way they were. It seemed like everything was trying to bring you down. “What do I have to do?”

“Are you this willing to accept such a curse?!” San Lang huffed in disbelief, his eyebrow raising on his forehead high. His chuckle was both mocking and disbelieving as he shook his head. You smiled at him sadly and nodded.

“I may end up in a bad situation but I am ready to protect those who I care about” you said, your heart thumping hard in your chest with determination. You were ready, no matter what you had to do. You had nothing else to lose, your life was not a big prize in exchange of the lives of thousands. “The evil my uncle and cousin are trying to bring onto the kingdom needs to be stopped.”

“Close your eyes, your highness” Xie Lian said and you obliged. You felt the tip of his index finger press against your forehead in the middle before you felt energy surge into your body. You distinctly heard his voice murmur words but everything was a blur. The next time you opened your eyes and everything seemed normal was the next morning. You were woken up by Lili who ushered you back to your quarters while most of the palace was still asleep.

A hand on your shoulder made you jump with a start, surprising you out of your memories. You looked up to see Wei Wuxian look at you confused and worried. His dark eyebrows drawn together as his lips parted to say something in case you wouldn’t recognize him. Your lips pulled into a smile as you motioned for him to join you at the small table by the lake you chose to spend your breakfast at.

“Wei gongzi” you greeted. “Would you like some tea? Or… wine?” you pulled out a small bottle of Emperor’s Smile from your sleeve looking around. “Jiang sect leader forbid everyone from drinking in Yunmeng. But I asked Lili to stash away one for me.”

“Sometimes I do wonder if you’re truly a princess, your highness” Wei Ying chuckled as he accepted the bottle. “Have your highness left all manners of a lady behind in the palace?”

“Sometimes we have to leave manners when it comes to business” you winked at him before both of you let out a mirthful laugh. It was easy being around him, Wei Wuxian was nice and kindhearted even if he tended to hide his concern or pain behind indifference or jokes.

“What kind of business, your highness? Are you implying about asking for my brother’s hand in marriage?” he raised one of his eyebrows playfully. “His heart is already yours, your highness.”

“We always talk about me asking Jiang Wanyin’s hand but shouldn’t he be the one to ask for mine?” you sighed with a sad smile. For the first time in a while, you admitted to someone that you truly cared for the sect leader. Wei Wuxian’s eyes looked at you with curiosity.

“But would you?” his head was tilted to the side. “If his stubborn ass refuses to?”

“That is much more complicated than just a proposal, Wei Ying” you shook your head. “I’m a fugitive, sent into exile, a princess out of the emperor’s favors. Besides… I’m not sure I will live long enough to become a good wife.”

“In the end the only thing that matters is what you feel” the Yiling Patriarch smiled at you with a pain in his brown eyes you were familiar with. “Look at me and Lan Zhan, your highness. Even if I became the villain so others could live peacefully, even if I sacrificed everything, I ended up with the one I was meant to be with.”

“It is still not the same” you chuckled sadly. “Especially because it’s not a hundred percent sure that someone will resurrect me after I die.”

“Who knows?” he grinned at you and lifted his cup before downing its contents. “If you have a good enough reputation?”

Later ~

Dark clouds gathered up above Yunmeng when a disciple ran back through the gates with caution and urgency. He reported seeing the soon arriving army of the three generals. You chewed on your lip with your heart beating fast in your chest. Lili was still away and you had no idea if she managed to get a word with Xiao Pei.

Yunmeng alone wasn’t enough to defend the kingdom and stop the generals. The wait was excruciating as you stood with Jiang Wanyin in the main garden. Both of you were tense as the overwhelming silence stretched between you. It was similar to when you awaited the next showdown between you and your cousin. A sizzling, tight tension that could blow up in a second. Though this time you were standing on the same side with this man.

“Wanyin” you spoke up suddenly. Calling him by his name was not uncommon from you and it always drew his attention to you. Oh, how you loved it when his brown eyes found your form. You stepped closer to him when he turned to you with a frown on his handsome face. “If we survive this… you can ask anything of me. I will do as you say for I am already in debt to you. You’ve given me much help already and I want to express my gratitude.”

“Anything? Are you sure?” his lips pulled into a small almost invisible smile. “I ask you to stay alive. You have much to accomplish on this world, besides… who could beat a dragon, your highness?”

“It is a curse, A-Cheng” you scolded playfully. “Though, I have to admit you have a point. It would be much more easier if I could just scorch the enemy to death with my breath, no?”

You saw the excitement and childlike glee in his eyes at that idea making you laugh mirthfully. You’ve never been so smitten with another person like this. Wanyin was fascinating in every sense for you and you couldn’t help but want to explore all of his buttons by pushing them as far as you could.

“You’d like to see that, don’t you, A-Cheng?” you chuckled making his face grow red as he crossed his arms in front of his chest huffing in embarrassment.

“Just follow our plans, your highness and nothing will go wrong” Wanyin huffed impatiently making you smile fondly. His light blush covering his cheeks told you how embarrassed he was in your presence. Up until you revealed your true nature, Wanyin was struggling to figure out a good plan of attack, his only plans were of defense. Telling him about the full extent of your powers made him let you change some of the battle plans. As you looked at him, your heart started aching knowing that even if he accepted you for who you became, you could still not give him what both you and him wanted. You knew you were soulmates but this lifetime, you were fated to not have an ending together.

Your ears picked up the sound of drums and the marching of soldiers making your heart thump harder against your ribcage. Both of you unsheathed your swords, bodies tense, ready to attack any minute. The enemy soon appeared at the gates Yunmeng Jiang disciples trying to fight them back. Running through the gates, you were soon faced with the first attackers. They were wearing silver armor, crying out to urge themselves into battle while lifting their swords high. Dancing through the onslaught of soldiers was easy, cutting them fatally with every step. Blood splattered on your face and clothes as you moved forward. You were aware of how far you’ve broke into their forces, a lone flower in the sea of weed. Most of the soldiers just went forward without really noticing you unless you were right in front of them. You glanced back at Wanyin when you had a moment to gasp a breath of air in without anyone attacking you.

He nodded at you from afar signaling for you to make your next move. Sheathing your sword, you quickly raised a dark black fog as wide as you could around your form. It was one of your abilities, the HeiWu 黑雾 was one of your favorite tricks. It was harmless but made the enemy blind as long as they were surrounded by the fog. You watched the soldiers of the enemy lose their sense of direction and walk around aimlessly, their faces shocked and terrified. You didn’t need to do anything because the moment they noticed someone get close to them, they cut down their own comrades. Leaving them to kill each other, you walked out of the fog to see Jiang Wanyin still struggling to keep the enemy back. There were many casualties on both sides and a sense of regret filled your heart. So many lives lost to a handful of people’s power hunger. Taking out your erhu, you started playing E’meng keeping a bunch of soldiers behind an invisible wall. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you watched them hold their heads in agony from the notes of your song. Fortunately, the song’s effect was only strong enough to make them pass out.

You suddenly heard battle drums play out a new rhythm and a new wave of soldiers ran out from the enemy’s side. Your eyes widened knowing that they were too close or rather you were too close to the enemy. You wouldn’t have time to retreat back to your side. You were about to start a new song when you were pierced through the chest with an arrow. You blinked a few times in shock until the pain registered in your senses. You lifted a hand to the bleeding wound, your fingers painted with your blood. Before you could do anything, you were yanked backward, strong arms circling your torso, pulling you into a firm chest. The smell of magnolias and the imperial court’s luxurious oolong tea – that was specifically made for only the royal family – filled your nostrils.

“Xiao Pei” you mumbled surprised as you clutched onto your old friend while he held you. He was flying through the sky back to Jiang Wanyin but his hold on you was stable. His handsome face turned to you and a small smile graced his features as he looked back at you.

“I am here, Ran’En” he replied.

Jiang Cheng’s PoV.

The sect leader panted heavily as he slashed down another soldier charging towards him. Using Zidian helped him to thin the lines of the enemy. General Zhou, Li and Huang was attacking relentlessly. He was doubting those three really thought over what they were starting with a rebellion. Overthrowing the power of the emperor was not an easy feat, especially if they were doing it so openly by marching through the kingdom.

They were out of time, the enemy’s lines seemed to be never ending, soldiers swarming the place. Blood was staining the lotus pods’ water while dead bodies littered the courtyard. Yunmeng’s forces were pushed back that they were now trying to defend the walls and gates. He remembered the day the Wen sect massacred his family. Seeing his parents’ bloodied motionless bodies lying in front of Wen Chao’s feet. His hand clenched around the handle of Sandu as he gritted his teeth. The only difference between the past and the present was the fact that he was the one massacring an army that attacked Yunmeng.

“Jiang Cheng” Wei Wuxian pointed in front of him with furrowed eyebrows and slightly parted lips. Wanyin couldn’t determine if his brother was truly this stupid or just fooling around. They were in the middle of a battle and Wei Wuxian decided to point at the sky. He reluctantly looked up to see a man dressed in exquisite clothes fly through the sky with a woman in his arms. It took him a moment to realize who that woman was. He took a deep breath at seeing that she was safely back but cursed himself for letting her in on the planning. He never liked her idea of going into the enemy’s lines so far but her reasoning eased him into the idea.

The man dressed so expensively landed a few feet away from them. The princess pushed away from him and tried to stand on her feet but was clearly not able to. Wanyin looked at the woman in shock when he saw the arrow piercing through her chest. Everyone stood in shock as she fell to the ground coughing up blood. Wei Wuxian was the first to gain his bearings back and hurry over to help her.

“Ran’En!” the unfamiliar man’s voice thundered as she lied there. Wanyin turned to the newcomer who was wearing clothes from fine fabric showing how high in rank he was. The man crouched down to the princess and took her in his arms, lifting her up easily again. Wanyin had to admit, the stranger was handsome, an ethereal divine being from a fantasy novel. Thump. His heart clenched uneasily as he watched the man hold the princess in his arms like she was the most precious thing in the world. He couldn’t stand seeing the princess being so close to that man and Wanyin struggled to find an answer to why.

“Xiao Pei… Thank you for coming” the princess said weakly as blood dripped down her chin.

“Say no more, Ran’En” the man, Xiao Pei shushed her gently before turning to Wei Wuxian. “Get a healer! Now!”

Wanyin just stared at the two of them without his brain processing much of what was happening around him. He was the reason the princess was in that condition. He should’ve helped her, not nearly sacrifice her!

To be continued…

[plan-d-to-i]

I turned away from a fic when the author note said it was set in cql universe because 'wwx's death was too vague in the novel'

which annoys me because the death was explained twice. Wei Wuxian destroyed the seal to prevent anyone bad from using it. Lost control of the corpses, got torn apart and died horribly.

He died saving people from his weapon. Which to me will always beat the "Suicidal jump of a cliff, on no, now I die to prevent jc from killing both me and lan zhan anyway"

:) I agree! I don't hate cql but I can't really say I trust something that comes from a 'cql was better in terms of story telling/plot/narrative' place. I basically watch cql bc I like Xiao Zhan, Wang Haoxuan, Wang Yibo, Song Ji Yang, Liu Haikuan & Zhu Zanjin and uh... not for the story...(¯ . ¯٥) lol

Novel WWX disingenuously gets dismissed as an unreliable narrator a lot, but the only area where he regularly is an unreliable narrator is when it comes to the Jiangs & softening their treatment of him. That's the only reason I'd say the circumstances of his death can appear more vague in the novel- bc he's the one relaying them and downplaying it. So although it's less vague in cql where jc clearly forces him to die to save LWJ it also drops the significance of WWX's choice to not use the seal again and then, as he sees the inevitability of his defeat & death without its power, destroy it to prevent it from falling into the the hands of those who would misuse it against the people.

I also think WWX & Wen Ning's discussion of WWX's death in the novel gets misinterpreted quite a bit. WWX's words are taken at face value and whilst WWX doesn't feel like he owes Jiang Clan anything in his new life, he still doesn't speak about the shitty way they treated him. He doesn't tell LWJ for example that he broke his foot climbing a tree at night because jiang cheng threatened to set dogs on him.

Looking at his legs, Lan WangJi asked, “Why did you climb the tree at night?”

Wei WuXian bent down in laughter, “There’s no why. You know. I love fooling around outside at night. Haha.”

So in this scene Wen Ning's reaction is to me the more telling one. & WN clearly calls bs on WWX dismissing/downplaying jc's role. WWX himself doesn't argue and just shuts down the conversation.

“Wen Ning whispered, “Sect Leader Jiang, Jiang Cheng, brought a siege upon the Burial Mounds. And he killed you.”

Wei WuXian, “I’ll have to clarify this one. He didn’t kill me. I died from a backfire.”

Wen Ning finally looked up at him, “But, Sect Leader Jiang clearly…”

Wei WuXian, “Nobody can walk safely on a single-plank bridge for their whole life. It couldn’t be helped.”

Wen Ning seemed as if he wanted to sigh, but he had no breath to let out.”

Poor Wen Ning. </3

WWX's death is also obliquely addressed when he hears children playing as cultivators in the street:

“Someone else barged in, “No. I’m the SanDu ShengShou. I’m the most powerful.”

The “YiLing Patriarch” replied as if he understood everything, “Jiang Cheng, how is it possible for you to be better than me? Is there even one time that you didn’t lose against me? How do you dare to say that you’re the most powerful? Aren’t you embarrassed?”

“Jiang Cheng”, “Hmph, I can’t be better than you? Do you remember how you died?”

The light smile on Wei WuXian’s face dissipated at once. It was as if he had suddenly been pricked by a poisonous needle. A faint, sharp pain came from all around his body.”

('Pricked by a needle' is totally a common expression so I'm absolutely not saying this is on purpose but I think it's ironic that it's "poisonous" when jc's sword is called "三毒 sandu –three poisons" lolol)

Anyway as it stands, we may not be shown exactly how WWX's death happened in the novel, but I don't think that makes it vague. I mean we clearly see the circumstances jc created that led to it: “if not for Jiang Cheng making a plan that aimed at Wei WuXian’s weaknesses, the siege might not have succeeded”. A siege's worth of ambitious cultivators were also ultimately ok w jc taking the credit for the death of the Yiling Patriarch, so clearly jc enthusiastically applied himself to the task (and was close enough to get his hands on Chenqing first which we know JGY wanted as well). Whether he got close enough to hurt him or close enough for WWX to realize death was imminent it follows the same line of forced self destruction as cql just on a grander more meaningful scale. Much more in line with WWX's character.

[disasterbialert]

So, I finished The Untamed and ok ok I think I have collected most of my thoughts about it. (I’m late, so I guess these thoughts don’t really matter, but I wanted to put them somewhere and here seemed like the place.) SO here’s a post absolutely NO ONE WANTS and imma do it anyway cool cool.

Firstly: love. This entire show is about love. Obviously other things too ok I’m simplifying for the sake of my point. But importantly it is about love. The love for our families, found, made and blood. The love of soulmates, romantic and platonic. The love of humanity, of the people known and unknown, love for them purely because they are human and are therefore deserving of love. The love inherent in honour and duty, the sacrifices made for that love. Loving someone—bravely, in the face of every adversity, despite being told it’s wrong. Learning to be true to that love, learning to love faithfully, learning to love, to show love, to be loved.

Bless the tireless translators. Y’all. The work you do is often thankless but y’all are so valued. Thank you.

The music. I actually don’t have the words for this, I can only thank the composers and musicians for the gifts they have blessed us with. My heart my heart my heart.

The costumes, set, props and cinematography are all so exquisite. I’m not an expert in any of these fields but I can see the care and detail paid to each facet of this show. What an absolute visual joy. Stunning.

And now, the characters.

I’ll start with the ladies. They deserved so much more. We deserved to have more than just one by the end, but I understand this wasn’t their story (still hurts tho).

Jiang Yanli. Proof that kindness is powerful. Her heart holds entire worlds. She is not weak (don’t even try me I swear to the gods). She holds her family together. She takes care of her siblings. She feeds their bodies and their souls. WWX is right—JZX does not deserve her but that’s because nobody does. But Jiang Yanli deserves to be happy, therefore her marriage to the Flower Peacock is valid purely bc it makes her happy. She stands up for what’s right, she will not compromise her morals, she will defend her family to her last breath (and so she does💔). She does not harden herself, she does not have to. Her patience and kindness, her softness, her gentleness—things that are seen as weaknesses or inferiorities—are what put her above all around her. She is gracious, she is strong, she is loving, she is determined, she is brave. She deserved better.

Wen Qing. A queen. A powerhouse. The most brilliant mind. A lightning-quick and sharp-bladed tongue. She loves Wen Ning so much and her love is powerful, just as Jiang Yanli’s. Her dedication and devotion to her people, her true family, not just a name, is incredible, inspiring. Why? Because she’s not perfect. So she learns. She grows. She becomes herself. When she’s at the Burial Mounds, she essentially adopts WWX as another younger brother, caring for him because she knows he won’t care for himself, and she does so out of love and respect. But she never replaces Jiang Yanli. She is keenly aware of all she perceives WWX loses because he aids them. Hence the pivotal, crucial: I’m sorry and thank you. She walks to what she knows is her own death with her head held high and her hand in her brother’s, offering love and support and what protection she can to the end. She does not flinch. She does not bow. She fights with all of her and surrenders with grace not reflected by those she surrenders to. Honestly I could write an entire thesis on Wen Qing but I’ll cry too hard so I’ll just leave it here that she deserved better, she deserved to live, she deserved to be free.

Mian Mian. Mian motherfucking Mian. Here is a woman who stares injustice full in the face and says no fucking way, says over my dead body, says you and what army old man. Strips the robes of the hypocritical off her own damn body, throws them at the feet of a false god and walks out, back straight, head held high. She makes her own way in the world, carves out her own life, finds love and happiness and lives. She does not compromise. She does not bow. She fights and she wins and she is glorious. And she lives she lives she lives.

Yu ZiYuan. I may be in the minority here but that’s ok. No I don’t approve of her abuse, just gonna nip that one in the bud right out of the gate. Was she fair? No. Was she cruel? Yes. Was she an incredible fighter who fought for her family, for her home? Who showed raw courage and furious strength in the face of insurmountable odds? Who loved a man with her whole bitter heart, loved her children with that same fractured heart? Was clearly the subject of spiteful rumour and vicious gossip and did not let it defeat her? Refused to bow to anyone? I do not like her, do not like how her bitterness made her cruel. But seeing her wield her blade, take wound after wound, witness the death of her love, then take her own blade and rob the monsters invading her home of the satisfaction of taking her life, took her own life with her own hands because that’s how she did everything in her life so why the fuck wouldn’t she do it in death too, who crawled her way to the man she loved, laced their fingers together so he wouldn’t die alone, so they could both die held? How can I not respect her.

Ok. The lads.

Jiang Cheng is a man-child idiot with the emotional expression range of a loquat, an inferiority complex the size of the moon and self-worth issues going back farther than the Big Bang, and I love him, ok? He loves so hard and so much and it is heartwrenching that he cannot communicate that. Some of his best moments are actually in the background, which is both funny and terribly sad. His rage is at times ridiculous, at times frustrating, at times all he has left, his joy is bright but brief, his grief is devastating. Watching JY greet WWX after the 3 months in the Burial Mounds. The entire temple scene. Crying on his knees. We were to be the Heroes of Yunmeng. Take care. Fuck me right in my feelings ok.

Wen Ning is so fucking precious and I would die for him for all eternity. What an absolute gift his character is. I honestly can’t write much more about him because I’ll cry. But special mentions to his interactions with A-Yuan/Lan SiZhui and the incredible scene where he reveals to Jiang Cheng the truth about his/WWX’s golden core. Unparalleled emotional intensity. The equal parts tenderness and fierceness of his love is breathtaking.

And the loves.

Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen. There is a lot of tragedy in The Untamed. There is great sadness in the main plot line and even in the small side plots. The Ballad of Song Lan and Xian Xingchen (as it’s come to be known in my head) is for me the most devastating and poignant. They just wanted to do good, to wander the world together and do their part to make it a better and safer place. It’s noble, yes, but it’s also so human, so close to home. Because we all want that, to know that we can do some good before we leave this world. They do not want to be involved in the petty squabbles, the undignified and cruel vying for power and dominance. They simply want to live and be. The fact that both of their deaths are pointless, could have been avoided, are the faults of poor timing and terrible terrible luck and cruel turns fate is almost what makes it sadder. Xue Yang screams that XXC is not better than him, that his righteousness and the righteous way he has attempted to live his life is all for naught. And then he is immediately proven wrong—XXC’s heartbreak means he can’t become XY’s puppet. SL is free from XY’s control and avenges himself and XXC. Which is also somehow just as devastating. That XXC and SL were so close, so very close to being together, to living, to making it, but didn’t. Nothing grand or heroic about their deaths—just the unknown and unpredictable nature of life. There is no rhyme or reason, no big important plan, no fate or destiny. They both simply die as we all one day will. And it is their potential cut short, the love and life they could’ve had, that hurts the most. They are not Lan Zhan and Wei Ying: they do not get their second chance, their reunion, their happily ever after. The look shared between SL and LWJ—the shared grief, the recognition, the understanding—and LWJ’s brief and unelaborated-on comment to WWX ‘how fortunate’ speaks volumes. How fortunate you came back/I found you/that’s not us when it could’ve been. That final shot of SL walking away and the brief out-of-focus moment of XXC walking beside him—particularly when it’s echoed with the parallel of WWX and LWJ—chokes me every time.

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan. Soulmates in every sense of the word. Their song. Their bunnies. Their child. The years they were robbed of. The yearning. The pining. The loyalty. The growth. The love the love the love. The loss the loss the loss. Every Lan Zhan. Every Wei Ying. Every glance. Every soft breath. Every gentle touch. The tenderness. The intimacy. The quiet acceptance. Their love story is one of the ages and, on a personal note as a queer person, what a gift it is to see a queer love story like this. (even when censored as a bromance, which like I mean, they tried but the glances alone are +9000 gay pining but whatever and yes I am making a joke because I’m crying don’t look at me)

TL;DR: I am so thankful The Untamed/CQL/MDZS and all of its adaptations (the source material included obvs) exists. I am so thankful to the writers, translators, casts, crews, creators. I am thankful for the community of fans that exist that love it as I do, who share that love and passion—whether through passionate discussion, rich fanfic or mind-blowing fanart. I am thankful I live in a time where content like this exists and can be shared. I learned a whole lot and I’m so grateful there aren’t even words. Love y’all. I’m gonna go be soft now. 💙

[sassassassins]

turn the white snow red

[AO3]

3k, Teen & Up Audiences, wangxian, angst, blood & injury, tw: mild eye gore (mentioned, not more than canon)

Interlude between chapters 13 and 14 of cicer's love, in fire and blood, which, if you aren't reading, you should be. It probably won’t make sense if you haven’t read that fic.

Wei Wuxian returns home to find out he was wrong about his husband, in the worst way possible.

Watching Xiao Xingchen worry about Song Lan was almost worse than looking at Song Lan’s ruined eyes, Wei Wuxian thought. The injury had been gruesome when they first arrived—Xue Yang had been thorough—but under Wen Qing’s careful care, his eyes had been tended and wrapped neatly with a clean bandage. Song Lan seemed disoriented more than anything else, unused to being so dependent on others to walk and move, but he was perfectly willing to entrust himself and his safety to his husband. Xiao Xingchen, on the other hand, had grief and worry written so clearly on every line of his face that it was difficult to look at him directly. Perhaps if Song Lan had been able to see him, he would have tried to mask his emotions, but that was exactly the problem—Song Lan couldn’t see him. He might never see him again.

Wei Wuxian rocked back on his heels, itching with impatience that he would not voice aloud, not with Song Lan injured like this. The sooner they were back in the Burial Mounds, the better. Xue Yang could be anywhere. He could be hidden in the trees of the clearing near the temple that they were resting in, watching their every move from the shadows. He could even be in the Burial Mounds attacking the undefended Wens and the disciples. Wei Wuxian had a sneaking suspicion that the wards would not keep Xue Yang out, and he had left his people with few defenses besides Lan Wangji. That was, of course, assuming that his husband turned out to be a defense and not a threat after all.

They were in a clearing some distance away from the temple wards. It was relatively hidden, but they were still in unfamiliar territory and far too exposed for Wei Wuxian’s liking. They had needed some place of relative safety for Wen Qing to examine and treat Song Lan as best she could, but it itched, being somewhere so undefended. He trusted in his own power, but Xue Yang had already hurt one of his people tonight. They weren’t safe yet, and this night was far from over. They needed to leave.

“Do you need much more time here?” he asked, trying to sound neutral. Judging by the look that Wen Qing shot him, he did not succeed, but she began packing her things away in her medical kit.

“I’ve done all I can do for now,” Wen Qing said. Xiao Xingchen nodded at her, offering a small, tense smile in gratitude.

Wen Qing stepped back from her patient and watched as Song Lan levered himself to his feet. He was leaning heavily on his husband’s elbow, and Xiao Xingchen was murmuring to him, soothing, but the lines around his eyes were tight. Wei Wuxian turned away to give them some privacy and idly surveyed the trees surrounding them, which rustled in the evening dark but offered no answers. They had to go back to the Burial Mounds, but he couldn’t leave without performing one more sweep of the area. Leaving Xue Yang here, free to do more harm, would be unforgivable.

As he turned, preparing to reach out with his qi to survey their surroundings, the signal talisman in his sleeve began to burn. Lan Zhan. He stopped in his tracks, weighing his options, and found he didn’t like any of them. He could assume the signal talisman was a trap, stay here to search for Xue Yang, and possibly leave the undefended villagers at the Burial Mounds to be slaughtered. He could bring everyone back and instantly be caught in a trap, exposing an already injured Song Lan to more danger. Or he could go back alone, and possibly leave Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen exposed to attack here. There was no good solution.

“What is it?” Wen Qing asked, watching him with her sharp eyes.

Grimacing, he pulled the signal talisman out of his sleeve. The characters on it burned red, and he could feel the tug in his qi pulling him back towards Lan Wangji’s location.

“Lan Wangji?” Wen Qing asked.

Wei Wuxian nodded, then scratched his nose. A suspicion that had begun to die down in his heart flared to life once more. Could this have been the plan all along? Had his beautiful, surprisingly sweet husband been playing the longest con in existence, waiting for his accomplice to come along and help him with a perfect assassination? He wouldn’t put it past Xue Yang, but he had found himself wanting to believe Lan Wangji when he said he didn’t lie. He found himself wanting too much these days, which was precisely the problem. He wanted Lan Wangji to be real. He wanted, so badly, for their marriage to be real. He wanted to kiss his husband’s cheek (well, not just his cheek) and tease him and watch his ears flare red. He wanted everything, more than he had ever wanted from anyone before, but that, in and of itself, was suspicious. He let out a frustrated breath.

“Well?” Wen Qing asked. “Are you staying, or are you going?”

“We can’t trust him,” Wei Wuxian said, but then he sighed. “But that doesn’t matter, does it. Your family is there.”

“They are,” Wen Qing agreed. Her face was stoic, but there was fear in her eyes. Still, she would respect his decision. He knew that.

He sighed again. It all had to come to a head eventually. They had planned for this moment, waited for it, even tried to bait Lan Wangji into it. Over the past few months, the tension had become nearly unbearable. He thought of Lan Wangji’s careful hands holding a razor blade and scraping delicately along his jawline. He remembered his husband, drunk and demanding and warm in his lap, and viciously brushed the thought away. He would have his answer by the end of tonight, and then... well. No use planning until he knew for sure whether he could trust his husband or whether he was about to have his heart broken.

Looking over to the other two cultivators, he locked eyes with Xiao Xingchen, who nodded elegantly at him, mouth set in a grim line. “We’ll come with you,” Xingchen said. “We’ll only be exposed here.”

“You know we may be walking into a trap,” Wei Wuxian warned.

Xiao Xingchen only smiled. "We’ve walked into worse,” he said mildly, which was true enough. Wei Wuxian nodded, turned, squared his shoulders, and activated a portal talisman. Here goes nothing.

As they stepped through the portal back home, Wei Wuxian winced. The Burial Mounds were quiet, but their resentful energy was not. A thousand screaming voices cried out to him, telling him of a fight and blood and death with so many overlapping sounds that he could barely understand a single word. Something was deeply wrong.

“Get them inside,” he said to Wen Qing, and started up the mountain as fast as he could move.

The snow slowed him down, an annoyance dragging at his feet, but he pressed forward. He kept a wary hand on Chenqing, eyes flicking to the side to catch any hint of a sword in the dark. The resentful energy shrieked and swirled around him. With every step, the image of Song Lan’s eyes and Xiao Xingchen’s worried face pulsed behind his eyes like a headache.

Finally, he reached the place where the signal flare pulled him, just over a slight ridge behind the main settlement. He reached the top of the ridge and his breath froze in his lungs.

The scene came to him in pieces. First, a splash of blood, bright against the snow. Then an arm—that explained the blood. Then the corpse of Xue Yang, grinning even in death. If Xue Yang was dead, then that meant… his stomach lurched. Lan Zhan. There was no one else in the settlement who could possibly killed him, no one else with enough power and experience. His husband was innocent, and Wei Wuxian had trapped him in this marriage and in this place for no justifiable reason.

“…Laozu? Laozu!!” came a familiar voice, desperate and distraught. Wei Wuxian’s eyes ripped away from Xue Yang’s corpse to meet Zhang Huizhong’s tear-filled eyes, looked down to see her bloody hands pressing a stained robe against his husband’s stomach. Blood bloomed bright in the snow like the red of their wedding robes.

“No,” he gasped, dropping to his knees before he had even fully processed the sight of Lan Wangji sprawled inelegantly on his back, laying unnaturally still in the snow. He grabbed for his husband’s wrist, and for a desperate moment he couldn’t find his husband’s pulse. He could barely hear anything over the pounding of his own heartbeat in his ears.

His fingers fumbled, searching, and he reached out with his spiritual energy. There, finally, there was the pulse, barely a weak fluttering, and his husband’s qi felt thready, skittering and nervous like a rabbit when it should have welled up to heal him. Something was wrong beyond the blood pouring from his stomach.

“Is Wen Qing with you?” Zhang Huizhong asked, panic in her voice.

He nodded, beginning a steady transfer of spiritual energy even as he turned to roar over his shoulder, calling for Wen Qing. When he yelled, the voices of the Burial Mounds yelled with him, layering and overlapping until his voice was a legion crying out in unison. His eyes might be glowing again, but that hardly mattered now.

Movement flickered in the courtyard. The settlement was waking up, awoken by the disturbance and the noise. Where was Wen Qing?

“What happened?” he asked, turning back to Zhang Huizhong. His voice was still smoking at the edges.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t- I found him. Like this. I-“

She began crying again. Wei Wuxian didn’t want to cry, not yet. He wanted to scream. He wanted to shake Lan Wangji and ask why he had to be so thoroughly, improbably good, why he couldn’t have stayed safe in his bed and let Xue Yang wait to fight Wei Wuxian, like he’d clearly intended. But that wasn’t who his husband was. He knew that now. It might be too late to do anything about it, but this proved his husband’s innocence more thoroughly than anything else could have.

Where was Wen Qing? He turned, watching as she came running out of the back entrance to the Burial Mounds. Good. Then, she paused, looking at something dark in the snow. What was she doing?

“Wen Qing!” he called. She didn’t seem to hear him, reaching down. He nearly growled in frustration. His husband was bleeding, dying, and she was causing an inexcusable delay. What could be more important than this?

“A-Ning!” Wen Qing called back towards the compound, and Wen Ning, presumably roused by the noise as they returned to the settlement, rushed out of the dark doorway towards his sister. He reached down and picked up the dark shape, which resolved itself into the limp body of A-Qing, so small in Wen Ning’s arms. Wen Qing murmured some quick words to her brother, who nodded. Wei Wuxian felt a sickening surge of rage and worry, so strong that the winds of the Burial Mounds picked up around him. Zhang Huizhong looked faintly alarmed, but she kept the pressure on the wound. “Laozu,” she said, her voice a warning.

Wei Wuxian took a deep breath, and let the winds die down. He turned back to his husband, increasing the flow of spiritual energy into his body, but the qi that rose up to receive his donation felt weaker. His husband was fading, right in front of Wei Wuxian’s eyes, slipping right through Zhang Huizhong’s fingers, and there was nothing he could do about it besides pour more and more of his considerable energy into his husband’s body and hope it would be enough.

Wen Qing finally came running over to them, kneeling on the other side of Lan Wangji. She took his other wrist with her usual medical efficiency, feeling his qi and examining the placement of the wound, then looked up to meet Wei Wuxian’s eyes. “It’s bad,” she said.

“How bad?” he asked. He looked down at his husband’s pale face, heart racing. Perhaps it had never stopped racing.

She sighed, dropping the wrist and moving into her medical kit. “I don’t know,” she said as she pulled supplies out of her bag. “We can’t treat him here. It’s too cold.”

“Wen Qing,” Wei Wuxian said. “How bad?”

“I can’t make any promises, not with a wound like this,” Wen Qing said, looking straight into his eyes. “But I’ll do my best.”

With that, she turned back to her patient and Zhang Huizhong. “Can you keep the pressure on?” she asked, and Zhang Huizhong nodded.

“Good,” Wen Qing said. “Let’s hope you got to him fast enough.”

Wei Wuxian took a deep, shuddery breath. “What do I do?” he asked, and was startled to find that he barely sounded like himself. His hands were shaking almost as badly as his voice.

“Don’t stop with the energy transfers,” Wen Qing said, glancing up at him. “Whatever you do, don't stop. Follow my lead. We’ll have to move him inside. I can’t work here.”

Wei Wuxian nodded. Whatever it took. He could not allow his husband to die, especially not now that he owed him a lifetime of apologies.

* * *

Later, after three hours of surgery, after countless spiritual energy transfers, after the most harrowing night of Wei Wuxian’s life (and there had been several strong contenders), after the blood had been gently cleaned from his husband's skin and he had been changed into clean robes and placed gently into his bed, Wei Wuxian sat slumped in a chair staring at Lan Wangji with dull eyes. He still held his husband's hand, even though the spiritual energy transfers had finally stopped as his husband stabilized and slept. He had not touched his husband so much since the night he got drunk, but he felt oddly detached from his own limbs. It had been impossible to think about anything beyond the fear, and now the guilt in the aftermath. The fear had abated somewhat, but he had a sinking suspicion the guilt was only just beginning.

He turned to look at Wen Qing, who turned away from the basin where she had been washing the blood out from underneath her fingernails. She looked as exhausted as Wei Wuxian felt. Through the overwhelming guilt and the numb rage that still coursed through him, he felt a surge of gratitude for Wen Qing. Not many could do what she had done tonight. With a less skilled physician, he would be mourning a husband he'd never had the opportunity to truly know.

“You know what this means, don’t you,” Wei Wuxian said to her, after a moment.

“We were wrong,” Wen Qing murmured.

“We were wrong,” he echoed, voice hollow.

“We couldn’t have known he was trustworthy,” Wen Qing said. “We didn’t know anything for sure. They’d already tried so many times to kill you. Why would he be any different?”

Wei Wuxian scrubbed at his eyes. The skin of his face felt greasy. He was sure he looked a mess, but he had poured so much energy into his husband that he couldn't find anything left to care about his appearance. He felt whiplashed, bruised, irrevocably shaken.

“I should have known,” he said, his voice cracking. “No. I did know. Deep down, I did know. He’s different than they are. Honorable. Good. Too good for his own good.”

Wen Qing sighed, looking down at Lan Wangji where he lay unmoving on the fresh sheets.

Wei Wuxian's eyes stung, with anger or exhaustion or tears, he didn’t know or care. “Will he wake up?” he asked.

“I’ve done all I can do,” Wen Qing answered. She pressed a hand to Wei Wuxian’s shoulder, brief and firm. “You should get some rest.”

Immediately, Wei Wuxian shook his head. “I need to stay here.”

“Wei Wuxian,” she said, his real name a warning.

“I need to be here when he wakes up,” he said. “I owe him that much.”

With one final sigh, and one more firm press of his shoulder, Wen Qing left the room.

“Wei Wuxian…” she began, then sighed. “I won’t treat you if you collapse again.”

"So mean to me,” he said, but his voice was a whisper, entirely lacking the humor he’d meant to infuse into it.

On the second day, after checking over her patient and changing his bandages, Wen Qing told Wei Wuxian to get some sleep. He replied that immortals didn’t need sleep, which earned him a deeply unimpressed look. He had a feeling if Lan Wangji’s situation weren’t so dire, she would be threatening him with needles, but one more look at the all-too-still shape of his husband on the bed and she stepped away with another one of her deep sighs.

On the third day, Granny Wen came to the door with a fresh pitcher of water and sympathy in her eyes. She handed it off to Wei Wuxian at the door. He didn’t want to let anyone else in the room besides Wen Qing, not yet. It was irrational—Granny Wen was beyond trustworthy, but he still couldn’t shake the shiver in his chest when he thought of how close he’d come to losing Lan Wangji. How he might still lose him if he never woke up. From the gentleness in her hands as she handed the water over, she clearly understood.

On the fourth day, A-Yuan and the other children clamored in the hallway, trying to come visit. Granny Wen chased them away, but hearing their anxious little voices somehow made Wei Wuxian feel even worse, which he honestly hadn’t thought was possible. That evening, he finally let himself cry, clutching at his husband’s limp hand. He didn’t let himself leave, even after the tears had dried up. If this was his penance, then he had well and truly earned it for everything he had done to the best man he had ever known.

Then, finally, on the fifth day, when Wei Wuxian was truly beginning to worry that he'd never have a chance to apologize, his husband opened his beautiful eyes.

[moonwaif]

Do not waste your pearls for me

Summary: Lan Wangji is rescued by a young human with a talent for woodwind instruments, a gorgeous smile and eyelashes that go on for days. 

Or, that one time Wei Wuxian snuck a whole-ass fish person into Lotus Pier.

Words: approx. 9,000

Tags: trauma, abuse, healing, mermaid!lanwangji, wangxian, unresolved romantic tension

Rating: G

(Originally posted on Ao3)

Lan Wangji remembers the hollow echo of agony and death. He remembers the violent jolt of the wreckage, of finally spilling out into open water only to be too weak to swim. Then he remembers the sensation of strong arms wrapped around him, of being torn and tugged until at last breaking through to the cool night air.

Next he remembers a rocking sensation. Coarse cloth. The sound of lapping water. Someone carrying him. Opening his eyes to a ceiling of shadowy wooden beams above him.

After that, he remembers nothing.

These are Lan Wangji’s most recent memories when he regains consciousness. The past, however, is no longer his concern. As his mind clears, so does his understanding of his current situation. He is in a dark room, sitting in a too-small wooden tub filled with water, his fins poking over the edge. He doesn’t know this place. The panic is instant, as is the pain. Gripping the edge of the tub, he tries to raise himself up, tail flopping and splashing wildly.

“Woah, woah--easy there.” 

A voice, gentle, speaks from beside him. Lan Wangji’s head spins frantically in its direction. A human man is crouched beside the tub. His hair is long, his face is handsome, and he smiles in a way that Lan Wangji can only assume is meant to be reassuring. Cautiously, eyes never once leaving Lan Wangji’s face, he reaches a hand out towards him.

Droplets fly as Lan Wangji’s arm flashes out of the water, snatching the man’s wrist with the speed of a viper.

The man’s smile falters, but he doesn’t try to pull away. “It’s okay. I don’t want to hurt you.” He raises his other arm, showing the small pouch clutched in his hand. “I need to apply this medicine to your wounds.”

Lan Wangji has heard cautionary tales of jiaoren who had the misfortune of encountering humans—of how they were taken captive and disassembled like furniture, their body parts sold in human apothecaries1. Growing up, he saw peers who wandered too close to the shallows punished and beaten, the elders exchanging one act of cruelty for another in the hope that it would save future lives. So when this man says that he wants to heal Lan Wangji, to help him, Lan Wangji knows it is a lie.

If he were at his full strength, Lan Wangji would blast him with spiritual energy. He’d drag himself from this washtub, strangle the man to death, scratch out his eyes--anything to get away. But he has spent the last several days and nights sitting in a barrel of his own fetid water. He’s been beaten and drugged. The gash in his fin burns, enough to distract him from the numerous other wounds on his body. Even if he did somehow manage to make it back to the lake, he doubts he could even swim.

Eyes narrowed, Lan Wangji reluctantly loosens his fingers.

The man laughs stiffly. He flexes his wrist. “Damn--your grip is like a vice! Just try to relax, okay? I promise I won’t hurt you.”

Lan Wangji's entire body is rigid, eyes tracking the man's hand as it draws closer. He prepares himself for an attack, but none comes. The man merely presses his fingers to a wound on Lan Wangji's chest. The paste he gently massages in feels soothing and cool. Lan Wangji's tension slowly melts into confusion.

Is this human really trying to heal him?

Lan Wangji knows this can't bode well. Perhaps the man is trying to cure him for some sinister purpose. Maybe he intends to keep Lan Wangji alive in captivity, to force him to weave jiao xiao sha or produce pearls like some sort of livestock2. Or maybe he wants to sell him to a rich noble as an exotic house pet, like his original captors had planned on doing. But the pleasant sensation of the man's ministrations gradually stills the flow of Lan Wangji's anxious thoughts. By the time the man reaches his torn fins, Lan Wangji has slumped back into the washtub in a state of half-miserable, half-relieved stupor.

He's too tired to be afraid anymore. 

"These wounds may take some time to heal," the man explains. "Especially the one on your fin. It looks infected. It's best if you stay here for a while. Ah, are you cold? You're shaking. Your fever is still pretty high, so I can't warm up the water too much, but a little should be all right . . ."

Still babbling, the man reaches into his robes and pulls out a slip of something that looks like very thin, fragile cloth. There is writing on it, but Lan Wangji doesn't get a chance to read it. The man slaps it on the side of the washtub, and the water suddenly heats up. A soft moan passes through Lan Wangji's lips.

The man's face breaks into a smile. Lan Wangji is dazed by how bright and genuine it is.

'So lovely,' he thinks groggily. 'Is this another kind of medicine?'

  ¤¤¤¤¤¤

 Lan Wangji spends the next several days tormented by strange dreams. Sometimes he is back on the smugglers' ship, and they're dissecting him alive. Sometimes he sits cradled on his mother's lap, her hands guiding his as she teaches him to weave jiao xiao sha, her whisper warm against his ear, 'Like this, A-Zhan.' Sometimes it's that human boy, laughing and smiling and talking about who knows what. Other times it's the sensation of cool water running down his throat, or a spoonful of warm, salty liquid passing through his lips. And then sometimes it's gentle music, a kind that Lan Wangji has never heard before. It reminds him of birdsong, or the whistling dolphins he heard the one time he traveled far from the lake with his brother, when they followed the hidden channels and ventured out to sea.

"You snuck back a whole-ass fish person!"

These half-whispered, half-shouted words abruptly wrench Lan Wangji back into the present and anchor him there. His eyes snap open. He is still in the same room, in the same washtub. The same young man is also there. This time, however, he is accompanied by another human, one in purple robes and bearing a scowl that immediately sets Lan Wangji on edge.

"Do you have any idea what would happen if my parents found out about this?" the second man continues in a strained voice. "They'd beat you until the discipline stick cracked in half!"

The first man sighs. "Jiang Cheng. You worry too much. Entire days have passed since I first hid him here, and so far no one else has found out. You really think people would wait this long to get suspicious? Everything will be fine. We just need to act like nothing is out of the ordinary."

The man named Jiang Cheng seems unconvinced. In fact, his eyes look like they are about to bulge out of his skull. "Wei Wuxian--!"

"Shh! If you keep shouting, someone will definitely hear. Is that what you want?"

Jiang Chiang's face screws up like he's chewing sour eels, but he doesn't protest further. Wei Wuxian, apparently satisfied, turns away. His eyes land on Lan Wangji.

'Oh,' Lan Wangji thinks. 'That smile again . . .'

"You're awake!" Wei Wuxian declares. He scampers over to the washtub and plops down on the floor, crossing his legs. "Did you rest well? How are you feeling?"

Lan Wangji purses his lips. He glances at Jiang Cheng, who's eying him with equal wariness, then back at Wei Wuxian, whose smile fades in the ongoing silence. He coughs lightly, then reaches for a tray on the low table beside him.

"My shijie made some soup for you earlier. It's still warm--mostly. Are you hungry, young fish lord?"

Lan Wangj bristles. Young fish lord ?! Jiang Cheng, meanwhile, snorts.

"Why do you bother talking? He probably doesn't even speak our language."

"You don't know that! Besides, what kind of host would I be if I didn't try to make pleasant conversation? Fish brother," he says, and Lan Wangji's eyes harden in the fiercest glare he can muster, "would you like some soup?"

He holds up the tray, mimics eating from the bowl. Lan Wangji stares coldly.

Wei Wuxian's face scrunches up in a disappointed pout. He sets the tray back on the table. "Maybe later, then. Oh, I still haven't introduced myself. My name is Wei Ying, courtesy name Wei Wuxian. But you can just call me Wei Ying if that's easier. Wei Ying. Wei Ying. Got it?"

No one has spoken to Lan Wangji in such a condescending tone since he was a small child. His webbed fingers clench into fists.

"This guy over here is my shidi, Jiang Cheng," Wei Wuxian continues. "Courtesy name Jiang Wanyin. His parents are the leaders of the Jiang clan, and this is their headquarters--Lotus Pier. Fish brother, you must have really great luck, because the Yunmeng Jiang sect is definitely the best cultivation sect in the human world. Trust me, you're in great hands."

Lan Wangji knows of the Yunmeng Jiang sect. His brother Lan Xichen, as well as several other high-level members of the Lan sect, occasionally disguise themselves and venture out into the human world to trade for goods. Even more importantly, they gather information. Unlike most freshwater jiaoren, who have long since been driven out from their natural habitats by human settlements, the Lan jiaoren of Yunmeng lake have managed to survive thanks to the careful tabs they keep on the local human activity. This activity of course includes the Yunmeng Jiang sect. Now, sitting in a washtub at Lotus Pier, Lan Wangji releases tension in his shoulders that he didn't even know he was holding.

When he’d been trapped on the smuggler’s boat, he wasn’t sure how far he had traveled or where to. Now he's so close to home, he can taste it. Maybe this situation isn't completely hopeless after all. Maybe, just maybe, he'll make it out alive.

"Those smugglers . . . They did bad things to you, didn't they?"

Wei Wuxian's voice is low. A burning sensation builds in the back of Lan Wangji's throat. He blinks, and blinks again, then looks away. This non-response seems to confirm something for Wei Wuxian, because his expression grows suddenly angry. He makes what must be an attempt at a chuckle, but it comes off as a cold sneer.

"Don't worry. They're in a place where they can't bother you anymore--or anyone else, for that matter."

The edge in his voice takes Lan Wangji off-guard. Wei Wuxian’s face quickly softens back into a reassuring smile.

"I managed to salvage some things from the wreckage," he says. "I've been wanting to show them to you, but you wouldn't wake up!"

He stands and walks over to a long, flat chest in the corner. Lan Wangji's curiosity stirs. He wonders, as well as hopes, until Wei Wuxian finally finishes rummaging. He holds up what Lan Wangji knows is a neatly folded robe. He knows because he recognizes the fabric. It is white, translucent like a pearl--the same color as Lan Wangji's scales. Pale aqua embroidery shimmers on the edges.

"Are these yours?" Wei Wuxian asks, and Lan Wangji is barely able to stop himself from nodding. "Either way, you should put some clothes on."

Horror pierces Lan Wangji like a spear. Amidst all the chaos, he's overlooked the most obvious: he is completely naked in front of two strangers!

Lan Wangji crosses his arms and sinks beneath the water in a desperate attempt to cover himself. Wei Wuxian smirks and lays the robe on the edge of the tub. Lan Wangji waits until he has finished strolling back over to the chest before snatching up his clothing and yanking it on. It's difficult to wrap the layers around himself in such a confined space, but he does manage to make himself somewhat decent.

"Oi, Wei Wuxian. What do you think you're doing?"

Jiang Cheng, who up until this point has been hovering like an irritable mother duck, rushes forward. Lan Wangji's gaze follows him, and what he sees fills him with a mixture of shock, then relief, then confusion, and finally anger.

Clasped in Wei Wuxian's grubby, human hands is none other than Lan Wangji's sword, Bichen.

"I'm giving him his sword back," Wei Wuxian answers easily. "Why? Do you feel left out because I don't have any gifts for you, too?"

"Why the hell would you give him a weapon?!"

Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes. "Really, Jiang Cheng? We're the two prides of Yunmeng. He's a half-dead fish person. Sword or not, you really don't think we could take him?"

Jiang Cheng grits his teeth. He darts a sharp look in Lan Wangji's direction, sizing him up. Lan Wangji tries to inject as much hatred into his expression as he can muster.

"Fine,” Jiang Cheng relents, “but don’t come crying to me when he drags himself across the floor to slit your throat! What makes you so sure it's his, anyway? Those thieves could have stolen it from anyone.”

Wei Wuxian leans forward conspiratorially. He raises the sword for Jiang Cheng to better see, and just barely unsheathes the blade. Bile rises in Lan Wangji’s throat. This Wei Ying--how dare he!

“See?” Wei Wuxian whispers. “Look at the blade.”

Jiang Cheng blinks. “Is that . . . ?”

“Mhm. Pearl.”

Jiang Cheng reaches out, caressing the blade with his fingertips. “How unusual . . .”

An indignant splash draws their attention. Lan Wangji is sitting ramrod straight in the washtub, his eyes like smoldering coals. Chuckling sheepishly, Wei Wuxian sheathes the sword.

“Here,” he says, laying it on the low table. “Just don’t try to kill me, all right? I spent so long trying to heal you. If we fight, I’ll be forced to injure you, and all that time will be wasted. Now I have just one more thing of yours, but I think it might be broken. I swear it wasn’t me, though! It was like that when I found it.”

This “thing” Wei Wuxian turns out to be Lan Wangji’s guqin. Just seeing Wangji laid out on the table beside Bichen is enough to make a warm, pleasant ache blossom across Lan Wangji’s chest.

“How is it broken?” Jiang Cheng asks. “It looks fine to me.”

Wei Wuxian plucks a string. Lan Wangji darts a glare in his direction. Jiang Cheng, meanwhile, frowns.

“Why is there no sound?”

Wei Wuxian shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe the tuning got messed up, or the instrument was damaged somehow. Either way none of the strings will make a sound.”

Lan Wangji’s nostrils flare. If he wanted to, he could explain away their confusion. But he doesn’t want to, so he sits in silence as they babble speculatively. In the meantime he tries to puzzle out what Wei Wuxian can possibly mean by returning Lan Wangji’s belongings. All three would fetch a pretty price. Why not try to pawn them, or hoard them in a treasury? And if Wei Wuxian means to sell Lan Wangji or imprison him, why offer him a weapon?

None of it makes sense.

Lost in thought, Lan Wangji’s gaze wanders. Suddenly, he spots something familiar. He leans forward so quickly that water sloshes over the side of the washtub.

There, lying on the floor just in front of the open chest, is the Lan clan forehead ribbon!

Wei Wuxian follows his gaze. Spotting the ribbon, he bends down to retrieve it, crumpling the fabric in his hand. Lan Wangji’s stomach curls and his ears grow hot. Wei Wuxian, however, is blissfully unaware of having violated any taboo. He even has the audacity to look a bit pleased with himself as he holds the ribbon out to Lan Wangji.

“Is this yours? Sorry, it must have fallen out of your robes when--”

Lan Wangji wrenches the ribbon away with such vehemence that he nearly scratches Wei Wuxian. Startled, Wei Wuxian backs away.

“Fish brother!” he exclaims. “I’m trying to help you. Do you really have to be so rude?”

Lan Wangji stares hard at the ribbon clutched in his hand. He has always been brought up to honor the sincerity and generosity of others. Now, acting so fearful and suspicious, he is ashamed of his own behavior.

Wei Wuxian, however, has already recovered. “That’s all I was able to find. Sorry again about your guqin. Maybe when you get back home, the other jiaoren can fix it for you.”

Lan Wangji looks up at Wei Wuxian, so stunned that he accidentally lets the cold mask slip from his face. When you get back home?

Jiang Cheng nudges Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. “Come on. We’ve been gone long enough. If we don’t go back, they’ll notice.”

Wei Wuxian nods in agreement. Both of them shoot uneasy glances Lan Wangji’s way. Wei Wuxian, however, is the only one to actually speak.

“I have to leave now. I’ll be back later to change your water. Don’t do anything stupid. Okay, fish brother?”

He speaks slowly, with elaborate gestures. Lan Wangji, of course, says nothing.

Jiang Cheng sighs, shakes his head. “Come on,” he says again, and drags Wei Wuxian from the room.

Alone, Lan Wangji sinks into the water. Wei Wuxian’s words reverberate in his mind with aching persistence: when you get back home.

Could this human truly mean to release him?

  ¤¤¤¤¤¤

 Over the next couple of days, Wei Wuxian visits regularly. He comes in the morning, before the sun has risen. He comes midday, clothes rumpled and stinking of sweat. And then he comes once more at night. Each time he always brings something, never once empty-handed. Sometimes it's drinking water and fresh fruit, sometimes porridge or a more flavorful dish. Although Lan Wangji never reacts, Wei Wuxian seems to enjoy introducing him to new human foods.

"Wow, you really cleaned out that last bowl! So you like steamed wuchang fish after all, eh? Fish brother, you really are lucky to end up in Yunmeng. Just think, you could've gotten stuck in a different part of the human world where the people eat boring food, haha! My shijie is making rib and lotus root soup tonight. I'll definitely save some for you! If you liked the last dish, just you wait . . ."

Lan Wangji still isn't sure how he feels about human cuisine. Some of the spices are a bit too strong for his liking. In truth, he is homesick for the plain, reed broths of his own home. But Lan Wangji has always been taught not to waste food, and he has to admit, there is something comforting about being looked after so conscientiously.

One day, Wei Wuxian brings a bottle of oil and a comb.

"For your hair," he explains, running the comb through his own locks to demonstrate. The movement is charming, as is the little awkward laugh that follows it. Lan Wangi’s tongue suddenly feels too thick for his mouth. He realizes he’s staring, and Wei Wuxian must realize it too, because his cheeks redden slightly. But then Wei Wuxian is striding over to the washtub, his gait confident and without a care in the world.

“I thought you might want to spruce up a bit,” he says. “No offense but you’re looking a little rough these days.”

Lan Wangji has never been a vain person, as pride in one’s own physical appearance is forbidden by the Lan sect. He is, however, fastidiously disciplined in keeping himself neat and orderly. He glances at the long, knotted strands of hair hanging over his shoulders and feels a wave of dismay. Has he ever neglected his own appearance this long before? Why didn’t Wei Wuxian say something sooner?

“Not that you look bad or anything,” Wei Wuxian says quickly. “You’re still the most handsome fish brother out there. If it weren’t for me, you’d probably be the most handsome person in Yunmeng, too.”

He laughs at his own joke, face splitting into a wide grin. Lan Wangji, momentarily distracted from his own self-inspection, swallows thickly. On the one hand, he is disgusted by Wei Wuxian’s vanity. On the other, he is . . . unsettled. This Wei Wuxian with his long, unruly and yet somehow silky black hair; his sharp, mischievous features; and his hard, lean physique under purple robes--this Wei Wuxian thinks Lan Wangji is handsome.

‘He’s just joking,’ Lan Wangji scolds himself harshly. ‘Don’t let mere teasing put you in turmoil.’

But Lan Wangji can’t help but startle when Wei Wuxian lifts a strand of his hair, fingertips barely brushing the ends of his forehead ribbon. Panicking, Lan Wangji smacks the hand away. Wei Wuxian grumbles something about “only trying to help,” but doesn’t try to touch him again.

When Lan Wangji finishes combing his own hair, Wei Wuxian brings him a bronze hand mirror. Lan Wangji almost expects to see a different face staring back at him, but no--the reflection is his own. It’s strange, to have gone through so much and yet somehow still be the same person. Strange, and grounding.

Wei Wuxian props an elbow on the edge of the tub. “See? Now you’re definitely the handsomest.”

  ¤¤¤¤¤¤

 As more time passes, Wei Wuxian continues to talk to Lan Wangji. He talks about Lotus Pier. He describes what the pavilion looks like, as well as the training field. He describes the number of disciples, who is who and what they’re good at. He tells Lan Wangji about the tiny mishaps that occur during that day’s practice, such as Jiang Cheng accidentally stepping in a pile of horse shit on their way to the archery range (Lan Wangji isn’t sure what a horse is, but apparently it takes massive shits). He tells Lan Wangji, in great detail, of his own prowess with the blade and bow. He shows him his sword--“Suibian,” Wei Wuxian says proudly, and Lan Wangji gives him a blank expression, because nothing would surprise him at this point--and even twirls it around, showing off a few moves.

As he talks, Wei Wuxian is hardly ever still. Sometimes he is crouched at the low table, preparing food or medicine. Other times he is pacing, gesturing animatedly. And then sometimes, when it’s late and everyone in Lotus Pier has already gone to bed, Wei Wuxian pulls open one of the screen doors to let in some fresh air. Leaned against the doorframe, either standing or sitting with his long legs stretched out, Wei Wuxian continues speaking. His profile is sharp in the moonlight, the lake black in the distance behind him. Sometimes he has a jar of wine with him, which he always offers to Lan Wangji, who always silently refuses. Other times he brings out a small, black musical instrument--something he tells Lan Wangji is a dizi. Lan Wangji closes his eyes as Wei Wuxian plays, letting the music carry him far from this small shed, far over the lake, into the sky with its last fading notes. But sometimes he keeps his eyes open to watch Wei Wuxian; watches his legs--how they cross or uncross, raise, bend, lie flat--or watches his face. He’s never seen someone whose smile could look so sad, who with a tilt of their head could almost beckon hither. ‘Come,’ his closed eyes seem to say. ‘Listen to my song, and I will tell you . . . I will tell you . . .’

Lan Wangji is not sure who he prefers: this still, pensive Wei Wuxian, or the Wei Wuxian who skips and bounds, who laughs with sincerity and without restraint.

In addition to talking and telling, Wei Wuxian asks questions. He does it in odd places, almost like he’s trying to trick Lan Wangji into answering. “It’s the season for lotus pods. I think I should steal some from the neighbors. What do you think, fish brother?” Or, “I can’t believe Jiang Yanli is still gonna marry that peacock! I really can’t stand it, fish brother. Even if he prayed for five thousand years, Jin Zixuan wouldn’t come close to deserving my shijie. By the way fish brother, what’s your name?”

Lan Wangji considers answering. Is there really any harm in it? But the thought of talking to Wei Wuxian after having stayed silent for so long makes his stomach roll. He feels a little ridiculous, really. So Wei Wuxian talks, and Lan Wangji continues to listen. It can be annoying, especially if Lan Wangji is trying to eat. A few times Lan Wangji closes his eyes and pretends to fall asleep just so Wei Wuxian will shut up. He even considers using the silencing spell. But after a while, Lan Wangji grows to expect it. Eventually, he stops noticing altogether.

And then one day, Wei Wuxian does not talk at all.

He arrives at night, later than usual. Lan Wangji straightens in his tub, waits for the customary greeting and subsequent tirade of small talk, but none comes. Wei Wuxian simply brings the tray in his hands over to the small table. He doesn’t once meet Lan Wangji’s gaze.

Lan Wangji’s concern is instantaneous. He scrutinizes Wei Wuxian’s face, observes the dark circles under his eyes, the dryness of his lips, the flush of his forehead and cheeks. Has he fallen ill? If so, he should be resting, not taking care of Lan Wangji. Or perhaps something has happened to a member of the Jiang family Wei Wuxian cares so much about. Or maybe he suffered an injury during training. Or--

Wei Wuxian suddenly leans over, interrupting Lan Wangji’s thoughts with a steaming bowl of soup. During this exchange, their eyes finally meet. Wei Wuxian blinks, taken aback, then offers up a weak smile. 

“Sorry--I’m just tired today,” he says gently. “Are you hungry? I hope I didn’t make you wait too long.”

Lan Wangji feels the muscles in his jaw relax. He looks down at the bowl in his hands, pretending to be interested in its contents. Wei Wuxian watches him for a moment, then lays both forearms on the edge of the tub, chin drooping until it is propped atop them.

“It’s kind of embarrassing, actually,” he mumbles. Lan Wangji glances at him from the corner of his eye. “I got in trouble this morning for talking back to Madam Yu. Jiang Fengmian is away at a discussion conference, so she beat me a little bit and then made me kneel in the hall of the ancestors for hours. What am I, a little kid?”

Lan Wangji uses the spoon to scoop up some broth and vegetables, but he doesn’t really feel hungry anymore.

“Actually, fish brother . . .”

Lan Wangji glances at Wei Wuxian more fully this time. Wei Wuxian’s lip quirks, somewhere between a grimace and a smile.

“I have a confession,” he says sheepishly. “Since you can’t understand me, it’s okay if I just tell you, right? When I got in trouble today, I caused some problems for Jiang Cheng and shijie. I felt really bad about it, so when Madam Yu released me from the Ancestral Hall, I snuck a jar of wine back to my room and drank it all. Then I took another jar and I drank that, too. That’s why I was late bringing you dinner. I really am a bad caretaker, aren’t I? Please forgive me, fish brother. I promise to do better in the future . . .”

He trails off in a yawn. Lan Wangji is feeling less sympathetic now. He gives Wei Wuxian an exasperated look, but Wei Wuxian’s eyes aren’t open to see it. Even so, he continues talking, his voice an exhausted slur.

“Do you miss your family, fish brother? What am I saying, of course you do. They must miss you, too. You’ve been away for so long now. Don’t worry--you should be able to go home soon. You’re getting better every day . . . You’re doing a really great job . . .”

Lan Wangji sniffs--the closest thing he’ll allow himself to a chuckle. But he’s not really sure he finds anything about this situation funny.

Wei Wuxian snores softly while Lan Wangji drinks his stew. He’s still snoring when Lan Wangji leans over the edge of the tub to set the empty bowl on the floor. Lan Wangji wonders if he should wake him. As he ponders, a crease forms between Wei Wuxian’s brows. A shudder runs through his shoulders. Is it cold, Lan Wangji wonders? It’s hard for him to tell, with all of the warming talismans Wei Wuxian leaves plastered to the washtub. Lan Wangji hesitates, then slowly begins to remove his outer robe. Weaved from jiao xiao sha, the fabric is dry, despite having been in the water all day. He lays it across Wei Wuxian’s shoulders. The crease between his brows smooths. Satisfied, Lan Wangji settles back. He watches Wei Wuxian for a while, then lets his own eyes slip shut.

When Lan Wangji awakens in the morning, Wei Wuxian is gone, and the robe is folded neatly on the low table beside a bowl of porridge.

  ¤¤¤¤¤¤

 When the door opens that afternoon, Lan Wangji expects a chagrined Wei Wuxian to greet him. Instead it’s Jiang Cheng.

The look he gives Lan Wangji as he slams the tray down on the table is anything but friendly. He doesn’t say anything, either. Lan Wangji wants to ask him why Wei Wuxian isn’t here--if he got sick or if he was punished again. But his aversion towards this arrogant human is far greater than his curiosity, so he remains silent.

Before he leaves, Jiang Cheng pauses at the door.

“Wei Wuxian may trust you,” he snaps, whirling around, “but I don’t. And if you do anything to hurt him, I’ll chop your fins off and fry them! G-got it?!”

His threat is undermined by the slight stammer at the end. Reddening, Jiang Cheng whirls on his heel and slams the door behind him.

Lan Wangji takes a moment to process this. Him, hurt Wei Wuxian? How? His sword, of course, is still kept within arm’s reach, but what motive could he possibly possess? Despite his confusion, Lan Wanji can’t help but feel that this interaction serves as a reminder. He and Wei Wuxian are not the same, and Lan Wangji will never truly be safe here. He’s let himself get too comfortable.

Lan Wangji is still brooding when the door opens again that evening. This time it actually is Wei Wuxian. He’s carrying a large bucket of fresh water and a satchel slung over his shoulder.

The satchel is moving.

Wei Wuxian sets the bucket of water down with a grunt. “Sorry I’m late! Did Jiang Cheng give you trouble?”

Lan Wangji’s eyes narrow, staring pointedly at the satchel. Wei Wuxian grins.

“Hehe. So you noticed, huh? Do you want to see what’s inside?”

Without waiting for an answer, Wei Wuxian crouches down and removes the satchel. He opens it just barely. Intrigued, Lan Wangji peers inside.

Two red, beady eyes blink back at him from within the softest, furriest white face he’s ever seen.

“I brought a friend!” Wei Wuxian declares. He scoops the creature out, holding it up for Lan Wangji to see. “Isn’t it cute? Have you ever seen one of these, fish brother? It’s called a rabbit. That peacock brought some for my shijie today to keep as pets. Hmph. Such a suck-up. But that’s why I was late. I was helping shijie take care of them. It’s so soft! Feel.”

Lan Wangji’s hand, which up until this point has been gripping the edge of the tub, is suddenly snatched up by Wei Wuxian. A strangled protest rises and dies in Lan Wangji’s throat. Wei Wuxian’s fingers are rough and warm, like driftwood in the sun. He guides Lan Wangji’s hand, pressing it gently against the creature’s back. The rabbit, too, is warm, but also shivery and frail beneath its fur. The pink eyes swivel in Lan Wangji’s direction. Its nose twitches. Lan Wangji strokes it softly, slowly, afraid of startling it away.

‘What strange fins it has,’ he thinks. The back fins are long--almost as longs as its entire body. Lan Wangji suddenly realizes that he has never seen Wei Wuxian’s fins. They are always covered in dark leather boots. What must they look like?

He suddenly feels Wei Wuxian’s eyes on him. He’s watching closely, an absent-minded smile on his lips. The expression is too fond, too open. It makes Lan Wangji’s stomach twist.

“Do you want to hold it?” Wei Wuxian asks.

Lan Wangji cradles the rabbit in his arms while Wei Wuxian empties the tub and changes out the water. This procedure is always an ordeal. The first time it happened, Wei Wuxian had actually carried Lan Wangji out of the tub.

"I'm going to pick you up now," he'd said, entirely serious, and Lan Wangji had been so aghast he'd almost asked Wei Wuxian if he'd lost his damn mind. The next thing he knew one arm was around his waist, fingers digging into his ribs as Wei Wuxian pulled him up and out of the tub. When he actually slid his other arm beneath Lan Wangji's tail--the space right below his rump--Lan Wangji almost threw up. It was humiliating to be so defenseless, to be manhandled so easily. It was revolting. It was exhilarating. It was the smell of freshly washed skin, of wine and citrus. It was being close enough to see a blemish on Wei Wuxian's chin, to see the shadow cast by his long eyelashes.

Ever since then, Lan Wangji climbs out of the tub by himself, even if he has to drag himself across the floor like a literal fish out of water. It doesn't stop the thoughts though--the thoughts of Wei Wuxian, and how it felt to be in his arms.

Wei Wuxian always has to make multiple trips before the tub is refilled. It never seems to bother him, though. Today he is in an especially good mood, humming to himself and sneaking Lan Wangji amused glances as he passes to and fro.

“There!” he says at last, smacking the side of the washtub. He sets the empty bucket down and plops onto the floor beside Lan Wangji, huffing and puffing dramatically. Their shoulders brush.

“That little guy really likes you,” Wei Wuxian says after a moment’s pause. “I think he might like you even more than me. After I fed him all those carrots, too! Hmph. So ungrateful.”

Wei Wuxian tugs on the rabbit’s whiskers, making a face. Lan Wangji hesitates. Does Wei Wuxian covet the rabbit? Perhaps these creatures are of some great significance to humans. Jiang Yanli’s suitor did bring them as gifts, after all. Lan Wangji may have been greedy, keeping it to himself for too long. Hesitantly, Lan Wangji leans forward. Wei Wuxian’s face goes momentarily blank with surprise, hands instinctively raising to take the rabbit as Lan Wangji passes it over to him. Lan Wangji then sits back, watching Wei Wuxian’s face carefully for a reaction. A moment passes, and then Wei Wuxian snorts. His face is amused, like Lan Wangji has just told a funny but particularly ridiculous joke.

“Er, thanks, fish brother. You’re very thoughtful.”

Lan Wangji gazes upon Wei Wuxian’s smile just a fraction longer than necessary before dropping his eyes back down to the rabbit. Thankfully Wei Wuxian doesn’t seem to notice. He’s already talking again.

“Do you like animals, fish brother? If so, I can bring the rabbit to visit you again tomorrow. Although maybe I shouldn’t. If I do that, he might start to get attached, and then he’ll be sad once you’re gone. He’ll probably stop eating. That’d be no good. If he stops eating, he’ll get too thin, and then he won’t be as tasty.”

Lan Wangji’s eyes snap back to Wei Wuxian’s face in shock. The mischievous twinkle in Wei Wuxian’s eye brightens.

“This guy is gonna make a really good rabbit stew. Do you want to try it, fish brother? I’ll tell shijie to make it tomorrow so you can--”

“No!"

Wei Wuxian nearly drops the rabbit. Lan Wangji freezes. His voice sounds strange to his own ears after so many days of disuse. He swallows thickly, afraid to look at Wei Wuxian but also afraid to look away. The room fills with the chirps of crickets and the lapping of distant lake water.

Wei Wuxian bursts out laughing.

“Seriously?!” he croaks. “You could understand me all this time? Fish brother! Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

Lan Wangji averts his gaze. “You wouldn’t stop talking.”

Wei Wuxian snorts.

The conversation that follows lasts long into the night. Wei Wuxian wants to know everything about Lan Wangji.

"What's your name?"

For some reason, he does not want to reveal his courtesy name. "Lan Zhan."

"So your surname is Lan? Is your family big? Are there a lot of Lans?"

" . . . Yes."

"Hmm. I thought so. With your sword and guqin, there's no way you didn't come from some fancy cultivation clan. So . . ." Wei Wuxian scoots closer. Both he and the rabbit stare fixedly back at Lan Wangji. "Is your home far from here? Do you live in the lake? It's the lake isn't it? I always knew there was something strange about Yunmeng Lake! Are there a lot of you? How many?"

Lan Wangji frowns. Sighing, Wei Wuxian relents.

"It's a secret? Fine, I get it, I get it." He tugs on the rabbit's ear. It wiggles fiercely against his chest, trying to escape. "Oh! Fish broth-- I mean, Lan Zhan. Is it true that your kind weaves jiao xiao sha? Is that how your robe always stays dry?"

This seems like a harmless enough question. Lan Wangji gives a curt nod. "Mn."

"Wow . . ." Wei Wuxian fingers the edge of Lan Wangji's sleeve with his free hand. Lan Wangji's entire arm starts to tingle. Wei Wuxian must notice him bristle, because he lets go, his broad, goofy grin somewhat apologetic.

"So the legend is true," he says thoughtfully. "Y'know, a guy lost a bet to me one time. He didn't have any money, but he said he could give me a cloak made of jiao xiao sha. But when it rained, that thing got soaked! It had a nice color, though, so I gave it to shijie." He bounces the rabbit on his lap, considering. "Ah! What about the other legends, like being able to transform? I thought jiaoren could disguise themselves as people so they could walk on land."

Lan Wangji looks away. "Some do."

" . . . But not you?"

"It is an arduous process. One must learn3."

"Then you should hurry up and learn! That way, you can come back to visit, and I can show you the world outside of this shed. I'll take you to the training grounds--we can even spar, haha. I'll show you other animals too, like horses, and cats. No dogs though."

"What are dogs?"

"Er, not important, don't worry about it. But Lan Zhan, I'll take you to all the best places to eat, too! There's so much good food in the human world, you won't be able to stand up after we try it all."

"To transform and enter the human world, one must first receive permission."

Wei Wuxian scowls. "Whatever. Just sneak out. We'll have so much fun, it'll be worth it, I promise!"

Lan Wangji's voice is firm. "No. This is one of the Lan sect's three thousand rules."

"Three--three thousand?!" Wei Wuxian stammers. "How is that even possible?"

Lan Wangji doesn't understand his surprise. "Do human cultivation sects not have rules?"

"Well yeah, but not three thousand of them. Lan Zhan, you must have lived a sheltered life so far. You really, really need to come back to Lotus Pier one day. I'll show you the better things in life."

Lan Wangji tries to imagine himself in a human body, exploring alongside Wei Wuxian. His chest aches for it.

"Not interested," he says. 

There's a spark of genuine hurt in Wei Wuxian's disgruntled face. He leans back slightly, poking at the rabbit's chubby cheeks.

"Fine. You're definitely missing out, though! I could introduce you to some really pretty girls. If you think jiaoren girls are beautiful, just wait until you see human ones! Especially the girls in Yunmeng, haha. We have the prettiest and handsomest people of all."

"Ridiculous," Lan Wangji grits out.

"Eh? Why?" Wei Wuxian bats his eyelashes. "Aren't I good looking?"

Words tangle in Lan Wangji's throat. He glares, the muscles in his face growing tighter and tighter. Wei Wuxian drops the act. He laughs, nose wrinkling in a way that reminds Lan Wangji of the rabbit.

'Cute,' Lan Wangji realizes, and the revelation leaves him breathless.

Wei Wuxian’s questions are infinite. He asks about Lan Wangji's family--"uncle and brother"--but is kind enough to refrain from prying after his parents. He wants to know what the food is like, and each time Lan Wangji describes a dish--"reeds and raw salmon, snails boiled with fungus"--he exclaims how much he wants to try it.

"Even though it sounds a little bland," he admits. "Don't worry. I'll give you spices to take home. But, Lan Zhan--is it really true that you guys eat humans?”

For some reason this question stings. “Don’t be absurd.”

Wei Wuxian shrugs. “That’s just what I heard some people say--that jiaoren eat humans4. So it’s not true?”

“ . . . I don’t know,” Lan Wangji admits grudgingly. “Perhaps some do.”

“But not your sect?”

“No.”

Wei Wuxian’s grin brightens. “Ha! I knew it. Jiang Cheng was wrong.”

He asks more about Lan Wangji's home--what it's called, what it looks like. He closes his eyes as Lan Wangji describes the white limestone walls, the schools of carp glinting through forests of long, wavering lotus stems. He doesn’t mention the tunnels, or the caves and springs hidden beneath the bottom of the lake. These are secrets that must be guarded.

“Sounds really nice,” Wei Wuxian whispers. “What about the girls? Are they pretty? Haha, don’t look so angry. I’m only teasing.”

He of course also asks about cultivation methods. Lan Wangji is less recalcitrant on this topic. It is, after all, possible to give Wei Wuxian some basic information without revealing the Lan sect’s methodology.

“Qin,” he says. “And blade.”

“So your guqin is a spiritual weapon!” Wei Wuxian realizes. “Is that why it won’t make any sound when I play it? Does it have to be played by you?”

“No.”

"Oh." Wei Wuxian is crestfallen. "So it is broken."

"It can be played," Lan Wangji says, after a brief spell of deliberation. "But only underwater."

He looks up and holds Wei Wuxian's gaze. The silence between them is somber. Wei Wuxian's eyes flicker toward his tail. The gash in the fin is now a jagged patch of rough, newly woven flesh. He gives Lan Wangji a sad smile.

"If I take you back to the lake, will you play for me?"

  ¤¤¤¤¤¤

 Lan Wangji watches as the faint lights of Lotus Pier recede with the shore. On the boat, a lantern hangs from a pole, illuminating the lake's rippling surface. They pass clusters of water hyacinths and water lilies. Wei Wuxian plucks a blossom and tucks it behind Lan Wangji's ear. Face twisted, Lan Wangji flings it into the bottom of the boat. Wei Wuxian responds with raucous laughter.

Occasionally they stop to pick lotus pods. Wei Wuxian eats the seeds slowly, lingering as if on purpose, until the barest edges of the horizon glow a pale, pre-dawn grey.

"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji murmurs.

Wei Wuxian pauses mid-chew. Resigned, he drops the lotus pod and lifts the oar. He rows with the grace and assurance of one who knows these waters.

"'Vast sea, bright moon,'" he bellows suddenly. "'The pearl has tears5.' Lan Zhan, don't cry too much if you miss me. You shouldn't waste your pearls."

Wei Wuxian has been rowing for some time when Lan Wangji finally speaks.

"Stop."

Wei Wuxian complies. Without further ado, Lan Wangji plunges over the side of the boat and into the water.

The boat rocks violently in his wake. Wei Wuxian grips the side, bewildered. A second passes, and then Lan Wangji reemerges a good distance away. Wei Wuxian's face relaxes. Lan Wangji dives underwater, hardly leaving a ripple behind as he swims back over to the boat, his tail like a long, white ribbon waving in the current.

"Ok, ok. I can see you're a fast swimmer," Wei Wuxian chides. "You don't have to show-off. Does it feel that good to be back in the water?"

"Mn."

Wei Wuxian clucks his tongue. Standing, he undoes his belt.

Lan Wangji's eyes sharpen. "What are you doing?"

He drops the belt. "What does it look like I'm doing?" Then the outer robes. "I'm undressing."

"Why?!" Lan Wangji demands, frantic. Wei Wuxian yanks off his boots with a wink. Lan Wangji is momentarily distracted by the sight of his fins. Except they’re not fins after all. They’re something stranger, flat and rectangular and confusing.

"Because not all of us have clothes made of jiao xiao sha,” Wei Wuxian answers. He slips one arm out of his undergarments, and Lan Wangji's stomach cramps like he's about to be sick. He turns away just in time.

The splash behind him shatters the night. Moments later, a spluttering Wei Wuxian pops his head out of the water. He grins cheekily.

Lan Wangji has heard of humans who can swim, but he has never seen it. He observes closely as Wei Wuxian’s legs and strange flins flash beneath the surface. He paddles over easily, eyes never once leaving Lan Wangji’s face.

“See?” he grins. “I can swim well too. Wanna race?”

“Qin,” Lan Wangji says simply.

Wei Wuxian’s mouth puckers in a pout, but he swims back to the boat obediently. He returns with a qiankun pouch. Lan Wangji reaches into the pouch and retrieves his guqin. It is cool and solid in his hands.

He has missed this.

“What song will you play?” Wei Wuxian asks. “A cultivation song? A folk song?”

“Listen and learn,” Lan Wangji replies, and he ducks beneath the surface.

It is refreshing to move with such ease again, to have the firm support of water against his body. Wangji, always obedient, follows his movements, sinking until it is at the level of his waste and staying there. Lan Wangji’s fingers hover over the strings. What shall he play?

As he deliberates, Wei Wuxian descends in front of him. His arms and legs look especially ridiculous treading water, and his hair floats wildly around his face. Not to mention his cheeks are puffed out as he holds in his breath. Lan Wangji hopes he can always remember this ridiculous man who has cared for him so diligently. This man whose bare chest and toned, tiny waist are bared so brazenly now before him.

Lan Wangji catches himself and drops his eyes to the guqin. He needs to still his mind. He knows exactly what song to play.

The first note is a focused ray of soft blue light. Wei Wuxian’s eyes widen, following it as it pierces through the water past him. It is followed by the next note, a falling glow that diffuses around Wei Wuxian and lingers, sparkling. Sleeves billowing, Lan Wangji illuminates the depths of Yunmeng Lake with music and light, with the words of gratitude he will never be able to say. He plays his song to Wei Wuxian, and to Wei Wuxian alone.

When Lan Wangji strikes the final chord, Wei Wuxian’s lips part, releasing small air bubbles. His eyes crinkle in a smile. Then the lids grow heavy. Lan Wangji releases the guqin and seizes Wei Wuxian’s arm just as his body starts to go limp. Pulling Wei Wuxian against him, he swims to the surface.

Wei Wuxian moans slightly as the air hits his face. His head rolls onto Lan Wangji’s shoulder.

“Lan Zhan,” he mumbles. “That song . . . What was it?”

“Rest,” Lan Wangji says, which is partly true. It just happens to be a particular variation that induces drowsiness.

“Ah,” Wei Wuxian answers quietly. “It’s nice. I like it.” He yawns, then frowns. “But suddenly I feel so tired . . .”

Lan Wangji watches as Wei Wuxian’s head continues to droop, and his eyes finally slip shut. His breath is even and warm against the crook of Lan Wangji’s neck.

“Goodnight, Wei Ying.”

  ¤¤¤¤¤¤

 When Wei Wuxian wakes, it’s to a sapphire, cloud-dappled sky.

He blinks around himself, confused. He’s in a boat--the same boat from last night. He raises his head, peering out to see the familiar sight of Lotus Pier. Frowning, he pushes himself up into a sitting position with a grimace. There’s a sharp crook in his neck. He raises his arm to stretch when something falls from his shoulders. He glances down. It’s a white robe, one that is hauntingly familiar.

Wei Wuxian’s eyes go round. He leans over the side of the boat, glancing anxiously around the water.

“Lan Zhan?” he whispers.

He stares into the lake, as if waiting for it to answer. After a moment he leans back, heaves a bitter laugh.

“That trickster,” he mutters. He lets his gaze wander across the dock, amongst the pink and white clusters of lotus flowers. Sighing, he lays back again and stares up at the sky.

“We probably won’t ever have the chance to meet again,” he thinks aloud. “Right?” 

  ¤¤¤¤¤¤

 The sacking of Lotus Pier rocks the cultivation world. In one night, the familiar emblems of the Jiang sect disappear, replaced by red flags with golden suns. Yunmeng, once known for its lively atmosphere and bustling markets, goes silent. Civilians hurry through the streets with their heads down and their lips sealed.

However, eyes are reluctantly drawn to the appearance of an elegant young man. He is slender and robed in white, with noble features. Bystanders speculate that he is from some distant cultivation sect unassociated with the Wens. Since times are strange, they make sure to avoid him.

Weary of the stares, the man enters a teahouse. He sips from his cup, unobtrusive despite his remarkable features. As he drinks, he can’t help but pick up on the conversation from a nearby table.

“My wife’s brother was on duty that night. Her family couldn’t even recover his ashes.”

“It’s barbarism, that’s what it is. The Jiang clan always conducted themselves like true heroes. How dare the Wen clan--”

“Sh! Do you wanna die?”

Silence falls. After a few moments, the first man continues speaking. His voice is incredibly low.

“I heard Jiang Wanyin joined up with the Nie sect in Hejian. I wonder if they stand a chance.”

“If anyone does, it’d be those two. Although it’d be great if Wei Wuxian was with them.”

“Hmph. Who knows where that one is? Probably at the bottom of a ditch.” 

The cultivator, who until this point has listened without expression, stills. His jaw clenches and his grip tightens around the teacup.

“Well I don’t believe it! Wei Wuxian was the rising star of the Jiang sect. I think he’s working in the shadows. He’ll definitely reappear.”

“You’re too optimistic. By the way, did you hear about the strange things happening at the Yiling burial mounds? They say that fierce corpses are . . .”

The cultivator drains his cup. He sets a few coins on the table and exits the tea house. 

Lan Wangji knows that he should immediately return to Yunmeng Lake. He has already obtained the goods requested by his uncle. But Lan Wangji does not return. Instead he wanders the streets without purpose. The vendors and salesmen shrink as he passes by, although a few are bold enough to try and show-off their goods. A young woman selling steamed buns flashes him a winning smile.

“Young lord, would you like a taste?”

The scent of a meat Lan Wangji now knows is called pork tickles his throat. Words, unbidden, rise to mind:

I can show you the world outside of this shed. I'll take you to the training grounds--we can even spar, haha . . . I'll take you to all the best places to eat, too! There's so much good food in the human world, you won't be able to stand up after we try it all . . .

Lan Wangji pulls out his qiankun pouch—the same pouch that Wei Wuxian once gave him to hold Bichen and his guqin when Lan Wangji returned to Yunmeng Lake, all those months ago. Lan Wangji takes out a coin and purchases two buns. Then, with great difficulty, he meets the woman’s gaze.

“Which way to Hejian?”

FIN

  NOTES:

 1.  This is me making stuff up for conflict and world-building purposes. It has nothing to do with the actual myth. No disrespect meant. I also want to mention that it sounds like jiaoren live in the sea, not in freshwater. But. I wanted him to live in Yumeng lake, so. Yeah.

2. These are actual parts of the jiaoren myth. The links below have more information. The Sun Jiahui link does have a story about a jiaoren who lived with humans and made cloth. However, if you read the link you will see that she didn't live in captivity and that she seemed to harbor affection for the family. So again, my story does not really line up with the traditional myth and I encourage you to read into it if you really want to know more.

Li Hongrui (2016). Mermaids in Chinese fairytales.

Sun Jiahui (2015). The Chinese Mermaid.

3. I'm back on my bullshit, making stuff up again. Who knows. Don't take my word for it.

4. Who is the person that said it? Me, when I was making stuff up to start drama. This is not part of the traditional lore.

5. This is from Li Shangyin's poem Jin Se, which is often translated as Brocade Zither. I didn't want to quote an official translation so I just kind of slapped this together using a dictionary and google translate, yeah I know it's an eyesore. But . . . I recommend you read some REAL translations of it by scholars who actually speak Chinese and know about poetry. The various translations are vastly, vastly different but there are some Wangxian feels buried there in my opinion. I recommend the following links. Either way, it sounds like some of the translations connect the tears and pearls to the jiaoren legend. Others not so much.

Translation and from Now Where Was I? A Buddhist Blog.

Translation and analysis from Dalriada Books Ltd.

Pengfei Wang (2018). English Metaphysical and Mid-Late Tang Poetry: A Baroque Comparison. This includes in-depth discussion of the poet and various translations of the poem on pages 102-109.

[grapefruitsketches]

Untamed Spring Fest 2020 - Days 24-30: Chapter 1, Gentle (Day 24)

Part of my Songxiao post-canon fix-it fic series:

XXC Prequel | SL Prequel | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Also available AO3: link

1,994 Words, Post-Canon, Songxiao, Wangxian, hurt/comfort, angst,  recovery

Chapter 1: Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen are alive, healthy, and most importantly, together. But they still have a long way to go. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji understand this better than anyone

“I must return something to you,” Hanguang-Jun’s voice rung out like a shout to Xingchen’s sensitive ears.

They were in a guest room in Cloud Recesses, kneeling by a table, having just finished their first meal (breakfast? Dinner? Xingchen didn’t know) since Xingchen had awoken in his body for the first time in seven years. The Gusu Lan Sect food had been bland, but Xingchen had been grateful for that. Any warmth burned, any spice stung, any sweetness was sickly. His taste buds were used to dust and stale air. The scent of freshly cleaned linens and sandalwood was sharp to his nose. He felt full, but was unused to a body that could feel empty. His arms were weak. Zichen had taken the spoon from his hand after his shaky grip spilled nearly half the soup he had picked up back into the bowl. He was delicate, feeling more solid than he had in a long time, but he had also never felt so vulnerable. He was glad to be indoors, since he felt that right now, even a gentle breeze, so tied to his reputation (or previous reputation) in the cultivation world, would seem threatening to him.

“I kept it safe,” Lan Wangji continued to read aloud from the hastily scrawled words as Song Lan reached towards Xiao Xingchen, Shuanghua laid out across his palms.

Xiao Xingchen felt Song Lan’s shaking but warm hands fall into his, slowly sharing, then passing the weight of the sword back to its true master.

Xingchen flinched. He had been expecting the sword’s usual coolness, but the metal seared his skin with a cold he had been unprepared for, a jolt through his palms as the weight of the familiar sword hit his hands, and the backs of his hands hit the table, unable to hold the sword unsupported with the atrophied body he had returned to. He was not sure he wanted to carry the sword anyway.

It thrust forward. He felt the impact. “Is that you?” he had asked, not knowing that his question should have been directed at Shuanghua’s victim, not his seeming companion.

“Zichen? Zichen? Is that you?” he had said, this time directing the question to the right person, but far too late. The realization. The sharp kiss of the blade against his throat… no more until… until…

He swallowed, hands clenching tight on the sheathed blade. A touch on his shoulder, Zichen’s gentle hand, stabilizing his shuddering form as he held Shuanghua in his hands again. The blade that had done such damage. That he had trusted to such devastating effects. It made sense that his body, so unused to feeling, to touch, would be particularly repulsed by the blade that had destroyed first the innocent, then his heart, before finally turning on himself.

Though he was sure the others could see the hot, iron-scented tears he felt running down his face, he forced his mouth into a soft smile. The weight was his to bear. He was not at fault, he understood that now, after all these years of reflection, of slowly putting his soul back together. But it had been the pair of them, his hand and his sword, who had been the instrument of all this hardship, who had trusted each other and those around them too readily. And that would be his burden as the one who bore this hand, this sword, for his life to come.

He breathed, “Thank you, Zichen,” he said, managing to keep a quiver out of his voice as he leaned into the hand. Xiao Xingchen rose to one knee, then a foot as he stood up, unused muscles thrumming back to life as he used them to draw the sword for the first time since it had taken his own life.

Lan Wangji, meanwhile, watched Song Lan’s face. The soft frown, his brows laced with caution. The not so subtle glances from Xiao Xingchen’s face to Shuanghua, gleaming dangerously, no less sharp than it had been all those years ago, trusting the holder, but unable to forget the power of the weapon. Song Lan was a mirror of everything Lan Wangji had felt coursing through him four years earlier in Guanyin Temple, watching Wei Ying easily catch Chenqing and draw it to his lips, memories of quiet nights in the midst of the Sunshot Campaign, a flute and a guqin singing together through the night, overwhelmed and tainted by flashes of tears, blood, pain, Chenqing falling off the cliff first, and, as always, calling its master to follow its descent down… down…

Lan Wangji hoped Song Lan would write something, that it would be made clear that he was still meant to be here. The two rogue cultivators were silent and still, but for the slow circles Song Lan’s hand drew on Xingchen’s back and Xiao Xingchen’s fingers slowly travelling over every inch of the sword, as though looking for some physical defect to confirm its scarred history. Red tears streamed down Xiao Xingchen’s face. Song Lan reached for a still damp cloth from the tray where the now empty spirit pouch lay, reaching to catch the tears before they had a chance to reach white robes. Lan Wangji looked away. This felt like a private moment, but he could neither leave without a word, in case Song Lan wanted to say something, nor did he feel like he could interrupt to excuse himself. But the two, for the moment, seemed to recognize little else but each other.

He tried to clear his mind, closing his eyes and senses to the world around, blurring out the sound of Xiao Xingchen’s gentle whispers of thanks, of reassurance that he was ok, turning away from the tender but hesitant look and touch with which Song Lan refamiliarized himself with his beloved. Lan Wangji longed for a more concrete distraction from the scene before him, both out of courtesy and also because this reunion served as a painful reminder of the long years of separation leading to his own.  

He was considering the merits of playing his guqin to remind the couple that he was still there, when Wei Ying, as always, came just in time to save him.

He entered the guest room with a handful of loquats. He grinned openly at Lan Wangji, whose reflexive response was a relieved if still restrained smile. Wei Ying tossed him a piece of fruit. Only after he confirmed that Lan Wangji, having easily caught the loquat, would actually eat it did Wei Ying turn to the guests, then back to his husband, who was still carefully avoiding any glance to that side of the room.

Wei Wuxian let out a quiet laugh, understanding Lan Zhan’s dilemma at once.

“Xiao-xiong! Song-xiong!” Wei Wuxian called. The two cultivators’ faces snapped towards the door, Song Lan blinking as though coming out of a dream, “I’m just going to grab Lan Zhan for a little bit if that’s ok? We’ll be by the warren if you need anything.”

Xiao Xingchen smiled, bowing his head mildly, seeming much less disoriented, or at least better at masking it, than his partner, “Of course, Wei-gongzi. We will come find you if anything comes up.”

“Thank you,” Wei Wuxian bowed quickly, then beamed, grabbing Lan Zhan’s wrist, “Let’s go, Lan Zhan!”

The two left the guest room, making their way to the rabbit colony. Wei Wuxian noticed that Lan Zhan’s hand, which had crept its way up to take his wrist’s place in Wei Wuxian’s hand, held his own more tightly than usual.

“What’s wrong?” Wei Wuxian asked, earning himself only a slow, barely audible breath from his husband in response.

Wei Wuxian was not deterred. He had spent years decoding, studying, now practicing the subtle language of Lan Zhan’s expressions. He prided himself in its mastery, revelled in the looks of surprise whenever he correctly guessed even the most well-hidden of worries, (celebrated the rarity of the fearful, tearful, frustrated expressions that had often marked his previous life’s study of a face that should never bear anything but a smile).

While Lan Zhan might not be so forthcoming in the public, well-travelled areas of the Cloud Recesses, the bunnies’ warren provided just the privacy and comfort they needed.

They sat amongst the sea of fluffy snowballs, both silent, enjoying the quiet and the sun. Wei Wuxian felt a tickle on his hand, which was pressed into the ground as he leaned back. He looked down to see a small rabbit sniffing curiously at it.

Wei Wuxian smiled and picked the bunny up, stroking its ears gently, “Little rabbit, little rabbit, can you get my silly husband to tell me what thoughts are going through his head?” he asked, before turning to lay the bunny in Lan Zhan’s lap, “Let’s see if you have any luck.”

Lan Zhan’s eyes widened as though it was still a surprise that such a small creature would settle so cozily against his form. His mouth curved into the smallest smile as he lifted the bunny to his face. Wei Wuxian’s eyes crinkled as he grinned at his husband, who seemed unaware both that Wei Wuxian was watching him, and at the fact that his eyes crossed gently as they followed the bunny closer to his face.

Wei Wuxian settled back. He still wanted to talk to Lan Zhan about his conflicted expression in the guest room. He guessed it might be related to the bittersweet memories of their own reunion that their guests, one smiling, one silent, that had been brought to the front of his own mind since Xiao Xingchen had awoken. But Lan Zhan seemed to need some distance from the cause before he could discuss the effects. He knew Lan Zhan would talk to him once he had had the chance to regain his usual calm.

Closing his eyes to the warmth of the sun, the wind carrying a gentle floral scent towards them from somewhere upstream, he remembered a time when Lan Zhan was not simply quiet, peaceful as he was now, but closed off. He remembered the moments he had broken through that wall, first provoking anger, then concern, and finally, the first smile at a bunny on a lantern before they had made the pledge that would define so much of what followed.

He remembered having to slowly ease open the various gates and doors keeping others away from where Lan Zhan was most vulnerable. Admit to pain, to grief, to love. He remembered the simultaneous feeling that Lan Zhan was doing the same to him, tearing down barriers he hadn’t even known he had. The sheer intensity of the initial exposure of long hidden parts of himself to another, of uncovering wounds long concealed, many reopening before they could heal. He remembered a gradual climb, travelling apart, together, building and rebuilding parts of themselves that finally had the space to fall apart. Eventually able to settle into the synchronicity, the stability, the love that had now come to define their every day life together.

The looks on Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen’s faces reminded him of the them of before, shortly after Wei Wuxian’s return, the awkward reversal of grief, of guilt examined, forgiveness denied due to a refusal to blame. It drew them both to a time before so much healing, so much growth.

Wei Wuxian kept his eyes closed and felt sideways blindly until he found the hand he was looking for and squeezed. Lan Zhan, silently squeezed back. Not a word was spoken, no glance exchanged, but everything that needed to be said was understood.

He was glad that Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen were now able to start their long journey forward together. He and Lan Zhan would help however they could. He was though, perhaps selfishly, glad that this new beginning was theirs and nothing but a distant memory for him and Lan Zhan.

Next: Chapter 2, Harmony: Song Lan asks Lan Wangji for some help.

[manggaetteokkie]

Holy shit... [EP 50 ENDING SPOILER]

MAJOR SPOILER AHEAD, AS IN, I AM WRITING OUT THE ENTIRE FKN ENDING SO YOU’VE BEEN WARNED

I’ve also included some of my own commentary at the very end if anyone cares to read what I thought about the finale.

Here we go!

-

Wei Ying was fully expecting Lan Zhan to stay with him and explore the world together but he turns around and Lan Zhan isn’t moving.

Wei Ying can sense that something isn’t quite right so he turns around and hesitantly asks, “You... are not coming?” as he stares at Lan Zhan’s back. Lan Zhan’s expression is extremely complicated, you can see he’s troubled. Meanwhile, Wei Ying looks, for a lack of better words, heartbroken.

Finally, Lan Xhan turns around and looks at Wei Ying apologetically. Wei Ying stares right back in sorrow.

Lan Zhan drops his gaze.

Wei Ying smiles, but it’s more painful than happy. He’s holding back tears. (omg)

Lan Zhan slowly raises his head and looks at Wei Ying again. Wei Ying continues smiling as he nods, eyes red and still holding back tears, understanding everything Lan Zhan doesn’t say. (wow fuck me right)

The scene cuts and their song starts playing with Yibo and Xiao Zhan singing. Cue WangXian duet near the falls, with Wei Ying playing his flute on one edge and Lan Zhan strumming his guqin on the other. They continue playing and their gazes meet. Lan Zhan is the first to look away. Wei Ying’s eyes linger a second longer before closing them, expression peaceful.

It cuts again and this time, Lan Zhan and Wei Ying are standing side by side.

“Lan Zhan... To be honest, I really didn’t think you’d take the position as Chief Cultivator,” Wei Ying says while holding a jar of Emperor’s Smile in his right hand.

“We have made a promise here before,” Lan Zhan replies as he stares straight ahead.

//flashback to episode 7, when they lit the lanterns and Wei Ying swore to eliminate evil, protect the weak and live without regrets//

“May I, Lan Wangji, eliminate evil, protect the weak... and live without regret,” he repeats the same words uttered by Wei Ying 16 years ago.

Wei Ying glances in his direction before smiling, nodding and blinking a few times as he looks away. He takes a swig of the Emperor’s Smile as Lan Zhan glances in his direction.

“Lan Zhan...” Wei Ying turns to face Lan Zhan. “You do indeed deserve to be called Hanguang-Jun,” he says with resolve and a small smile.

Lan Zhan turns his head to look at Wei Ying in the eyes. “And you are indeed Wei Ying.”

Wei Ying chuckles, giving Lan Zhan a huge smile that makes his eyes disappear. Lan Zhan stares at Wei Ying, eyes soft and blinking slowly before a smile of his own appears.

They continue staring at each other until Wei Ying looks away first and they both turn to look at the falls in front of them.

//insert scene with Nie Huaisang//

Lan Zhan and Wei Ying are now on top of a grassy hill as the series theme music plays in the background. They stand facing each other, Wei Ying holding Chenqing with one hand and Lil Apple’s reigns in the other, face resolute as he looks at Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan’s eyes are downcast, before he slowly raises them to connect with Wei Ying.

Wei Ying raises his hand as he points towards the road behind Lan Zhan.

“I am going that way.”

Lan Zhan waves towards the area behind Wei Ying. “I will go this way.”

Wei Ying continues staring at Lan Zhan resolutely. Lan Zhan shifts his eyes downwards, once again unable to maintain eye contact.

Wei Ying smiles, eyes looking down.

“So you’ve decided? Where you want to go?” Lan Zhan asks.

Wei Ying chuckles ruefully as he shakes his head. He thinks for a moment. “But the world is vast, and the Heavens, endless. One drink, one mount, wandering to the corners of the world, the Four Seas as my home, right?”

They once again look at each other (so. many. gazes. fml.). Once again, Lan Zhan is the first to look away as he nods. Wei Ying’s small smile disappears as his expression grows serious, eyes never leaving Lan Zhan.

“Lan Zhan. I am leaving.”

Lan Zhan stares, not saying a word. Wei Ying drops his eyes, smiling sheepishly.

“Let’s go, Lil Apple,” he calls as he nudges his ride forward. He gives Lan Zhan one last lingering look before walking past him. He turns his head slightly, smile tightly drawn, as if he wants to have one last look. Instead, he faces forward as his smile drops, continuing forward without looking back.

“Mountains never age, streams flow forever, we shall meet again some day!” Wei Ying calls out as he waves his arm in the air, steps never faltering as he continues onwards. Lan Zhan’s eyes never leave his back, silently watching him leave. Finally, he turns around and starts walking in the opposite direction.

We see them getting farther and farther away from each other as the theme song reaches a climax.

Lan Zhan is walking when he suddenly hears their song, played by a flute. He stops.

He turns his head, as if trying to look back. He recalls Wei Ying’s words to him with a small smile.: “Lan Zhan, the next we meet, you have to have come up with a name for this song hm?”

He replies in his heart as he continues walking once again, “I have already come up with one.”

//potential timeskip as Wei Ying’s clothes have changed//

Cue Yibo and Xiao Zhan singing as the camera shows Wei Ying playing his flute on the edge of a cliff.

He closes his eyes as he plays. The camera pans around showing the vast landscape.

Right as he is playing the last few notes—

“Wei Ying.”

—comes Lan Zhan’s unmistakable voice calling his name.

Wei Ying never finishes the last note as his eyes slowly widen. He remains unmoving, eyes wide in shock as if he can’t quite believe the voice he just heard. His hands slowly come down, eyes barely blinking.

Slowly, he starts smiling, eyes shifting to the side. He slowly turns around as the WangXian/WuJi instrumental starts playing, expression serious. The wind blows his hair back slightly.

He barely blinks, staring intently at what is in front of him, as if not believing his eyes (or not wanting the image in front of him to disappear).

Suddenly, he breaks out into the softest, most relieved smile.

THE END.

-

I hope y’all enjoyed reading this, I tried my best to capture their moments in writing but damn, it’s hard.

All in all, I honestly loved this ending. Their separation showed me that, as much as I thought Wei Ying was oblivious to any kind of deeper feelings, he actually isn’t. He simply never expected Lan Zhan and him to go separate ways. That scene where he was barely holding back tears absolutely destroyed me.

You might say that the finale was a rollercoster of emotion and I’d definitely agree. Was all of it necessary though? I would venture out and say, yes, it was necessary. Why? Because it allowed us, the viewers, to see such rich array of emotions from both actors.

From Wei Ying, we saw his carefree happiness when he thought that he’d have all the time in the world with Lan Zhan to explore, his barely concealed pain once he realized that it wouldn’t be so, his attempts at putting on a brave face and walking away when it seemed like it was the last thing he wanted to do, his shock once he realized who exactly was calling his name and finally, his joy at being reunited with the one person he wants by his side forever.

From Lan Zhan, we saw his troubled face when he struggled to tell Wei Ying that he couldn’t follow him, his steadfast reassurance of Wei Ying’s character, his complicated expressions when he was in a constant battle with himself, torn between wanting to fulfil his promise but also wanting to stay by Wei Ying side, his wavering when he heard the flute playing their song and finally, his voice when he calls out to the person that matters most to him.

As noted by @misscamthenorwegian, it is safe to assume that some time may have passed between the two of them going their separate ways and their final reunion. Does it affect anything? Yes and no. Yes, because we don’t know how much time has passed and despite Wei Ying having never told Lan Zhan where he was headed, Lan Zhan still managed to find him regardless. And no, because they were meant to be together regardless what happens to the time spent apart doesn’t change the fact that they still found each other in the end.

All in all, it may not be the perfect happy ending that some people wanted, where you see without a shadow of a doubt the two of them being cultivation partners and night hunting together; however, in my opinion, this ending left absolutely nothing to the imagination.

This is as explicit as it is going get: regardless of time and distance, they found their way back to each other again.

[razberryyum]

The Untamed/陈情令 Rewatch, Episode 9, Part 1 of 2

(spoilers for everything MDZS/Untamed)

[covers MDZS chapters 28 and 29…kinda…well, the Yue Yang Chang sect murders was introduced in those chapters, but it is different from how the show presented it]

WangXian meter: 🐰🐰+🐰🐰🐰🐰+🐰+🐰🐰🐰🐰 +🐰🐰🐰+🐰🐰+🐰🐰+🐰+🐰+🐰+🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰+🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰+ 🐰🐰🐰

(so I decided to come up with a more organized way of scoring on the WangXian meter cuz I was starting to confuse myself: for every scene they’re in together or if they’re even thinking about each other, one 🐰 is automatically given; one scene can earn up to 5 🐰, depending on the intensity of their interaction or thoughts of each other. And I’m gonna separate each individual scene with “+”. I didn’t mean for the grading to be an exact science but I think making it less arbitrary is definitely better…at least for my poor dumb brain)

I have a couple of favorite WangXian scenes from this episode, the one above is the first of them. When Wei Ying defends Lan Zhan from Jiang Cheng, I love how the camera then lingers deliberately on Lan Zhan’s reaction for just a second more; I swear if Lan Zhan was the blushing type, that would’ve been the moment for him to turn red like a tomato. That reassuring smile Wei Ying flashes at him could probably melt all the glaciers in the world and drown our planet, how can any mere human being resist that? That small beam of absolute sunshine had to have made Lan Zhan’s knees go just a little weak and his stomach do a tiny flip flop. It’s moments like this that make me marvel all over again at how perfectly cast Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo are in their roles: XZ with his dazzling megawatt smile and WYB with his beautifully nuanced stoicism are truly Wei Ying and Lan Zhan come to life. Even though I was already attached to their performances by this point, I wasn’t truly able to appreciate just how great and perfect they were as the embodiment of their characters until after I read the novel, and now I’m just in awe all the time as I watch them on screen.  

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan’s little yin metals expedition is really the gift that keeps on giving: despite having to deal with a few (lovable) third wheelers hanging around them, they were still able to further strengthen their bond. I think this is clearly as evident by simple little moments like how often they looked at each other for affirmation. What’s amazing about that is Lan Zhan basically went from refusing to spare Wei Ying a glance even when he was outright clamoring for attention to constantly training his eyes on Wei Ying at every turn. I really can’t get over how effectively Team CQL was able to show the progression in their relationship and Lan Zhan’s feelings towards Wei Ying by just showing these minor differences in the way they interact from before. Watching the change in Lan Zhan is of course the most fascinating aspect of this early part of their relationship because you can track how he’s clearly being overcome by the force of nature that is Wei Ying. I especially enjoy seeing the way he gets perturbed and maybe even jealous by the intimate way Wei Ying interacts with others. Take this moment when Wei Ying is offering protection to Nie Huaisang:

The way Lan Zhan’s eyes focused on the way Wei Ying was holding onto NHS’ arm and that resulting sour look on his face really says it all. And then, shortly after when they left the cave, as Wei Ying was trying to assure NHS, Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing that they were protected in the magical net he created, I actually guffawed when Lan Zhan could be seen just walking off behind him, as if he’d had enough since he just finished watching Wei Ying being rather familiar with Wen Qing.

And then when they were in the forest trying to hunt down Wen Chao’s owl, it’s almost as if Lan Zhan’s disgruntled mood stayed with him since even though they were in close proximity, when Wei Ying started calling out his name, he refused to answer. First time I watched that scene I remember thinking, wtf’s wrong with Lan Zhan, why won’t he just respond to the poor guy who’s obviously worried he lost him in the fog? But now I feel it was a deliberate choice to indicate that Lan Zhan was annoyed at him.  

Because Lan Zhan is not the type of person to be open and friendly with everyone, I really do feel now that it probably did bother him a lot that Wei Ying was a complete opposite to him in that sense, and as he watched Wei Ying carelessly be equally and almost selflessly kind to everyone around him, his frustration with that aspect of his personality gradually built up over time, culminating in what he later says to Wei Ying about Mian Mian while they’re in the Xuanwu cave. I can easily imagine Lan Zhan thinking, if he’s like this to everyone, does that make the way he treats me meaningless? It’s a really sobering thought especially from Lan Zhan’s point of view, but it also justifies why he still ran cold from time to time when dealing with Wei Ying because he was probably holding himself in check, constantly reminding himself that he’s just the same as anyone else in Wei Ying’s life, so he shouldn’t get his hopes up. Thinking about how much inner turmoil Lan Zhan put himself through even before Wei Ying’s death as he tried to grapple with his budding feelings for Wei Ying always makes me feel a little weepy because of how much my heart aches for him. It really makes me so grateful that at least he had Big Brother Xichen to talk to, which also makes me love big bro more for being so understanding and encouraging.  The alternative would have just been too unbearably sad.  

Ugh, and now I just made myself sad for no good reason. Seriously, on a daily basis, I actually get into a near weepy state for WangXian at least once when I think of all the suffering they had to go through before they finally got their happy ending. If MXTX-laozi’s other novels are going to do the same thing to me as MDZS/Untamed has, I probably need to start saving money to seek professional therapy once I’m done reading Heaven Official’s Blessing and Scum Villain (and I’m desperately trying to carve out time to read them soon).  

Anyway, back to this episode: I have a soft spot for seeing my OTP standing back to back in a scene since I think it’s a very effective and sweet way to convey their support and solidarity with each other, nothing says “we are in this together” than two people having each others’ backs, so seeing their stance in the forest really warmed my heart.

I also loved that they eventually teamed up to fight against Wen Chao’s forces. It would not be the first time they fight together, but it is one of the few times that Wei Ying gets to do so with his sword. I think the next instance of that happening is the Xuanwu cave before it’s all over and he is only able to use his flute, so I really treasure moments like this now, especially since they have such pretty moves.  

Every time Lan Zahn and Wei Ying fight with their swords it looks like they’re dancing. I love how Team CQL always makes sure to choreograph in ballet twirls into their fight sequences, even when it’s not quite necessary, such as this moment back in the cave when the two of them twirled away to get away from the ghost puppets:

A BIT on the dramatic side, but hey, I’m not gonna complain when Lan Zhan and Wei Ying looks so damn good doing their twirls.  

WeiQing Watch 2019

I said I was going to keep track of the WeiQing love story that Team CQL was going for way back before MDZS fans thankfully put a kibosh on their plans: here’s one such moment that I think can serve as evidence that they might have been cooking something up between Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing. It’s not just that Wei Ying was holding on to Wen Qing’s wrist for a longer time than necessary—Wei Ying’s a touchy-feely guy, he grabs on to everyone anyway—it’s Wen Qing’s reaction to what he did that gave me pause: she in turn holds on to her wrist in the exact spot where his hand was for a longer time than necessary. I’ve watched enough Chinese dramas to know that that is usually an indication that feelings are being stirred up from physical contact. Wei Ying’s awkwardness at realizing what he was doing was interesting too, it’s as if he suddenly remembered Wen Qing’s a girl. Since I do believe that Team CQL did end up keeping the aspect of Wen Qing’s characterization where she is in love with Wei Ying—there’s  no other logical explanation for some of Wen Qing’s reactions to Wei Ying otherwise—I think this moment might have served as the catalyst for the feelings she develops for him. It was already obvious that she was concerned for Wei Ying before this: she not only tipped off Jiang Cheng to his whereabouts but then she also joined in on the rescue herself, despite knowing what consequences she may face. I know her explanation for her generosity was because Wei Ying saved Wen Ning’s life and this was her way of paying back that favor, but it’s really a hollow excuse considering the larger predicament she was essentially putting herself, Wen Ning AND her clan in: she had to know she was endangering all her loved ones’ lives by helping Wei Ying.  I know she saved Lan Zhan and Nie Huaisang as well but based on her later actions, I think at the end of the day, her concern really was more for Wei Ying. Much like Lan Zhan, Wen Qing was already starting to fall for Wei Ying, and really, who can blame her?

To be Continued in Part 2...(posted)

[butterflydm]

The Untamed Rewatch (ep 1)

 Series Overview | Index | Next Episode

Oh, yes, I was very correct about this all hitting me a lot harder after I’d seen the whole show. I am also watching it on viki.com this time and the subtitled translations are already a lot better than the ones on the tencent youtube channel. They flow much more naturally as lines of dialogue (there’s a new set of translated videos popping up, too, that I might check out on my… third viewing… that will probably happen after this one… I really like this story y’all).

Things that stood out to me on this viewing (note: I am going to be spoiling the rest of the story as well when talking about things, including the twists):

Okay, so in the drama, when Wei WuXian is brought back to life, it seems like he definitely does look like himself again from the start —he specifically questions Mo XuanYu’s cousin to see if the Mo family would recognize him and learns that they haven’t seen him without mask or heavy makeup since he left home for a while at thirteen. What I infer from the conversations is that their looks were similar enough that when Mo XuanYu called Wei WuXian’s spirit into his body and the magic reshaped it, his general shape didn’t change enough to be noticeable, plus the family didn’t really look at him much in any case. And Wei WuXian worries that the “Lans of Gusu” might know enough about how he looks to recognize him, even if they aren’t “him”. I mean, obviously the doylist/meta reason is that they hired Xiao Zhan for a reason and they’re gonna have him play the part, but yeah, thinking about it is interesting.

Wei WuXian playing wangxian on the piece of grass: fucked me up so much more now. This show does such an excellent job with this entire romance. The whole way they set up Wei WuXian both wanting and not wanting to see Lan WangJi again is a lovely representation of their push-pull dynamic in the drama as a whole.

Which brings me to how much I love that song. The wangxian love theme is absolutely beautiful, enough that even when they play it like ten times in one of the later episodes, I’m still like “aaaah, so pretty! <3”. The first time we hear it is when Wei Ying has the flashback to Lan Zhan in his Gusu robes when he’s talking to Lan SiZhui and it’s so subtle there but it starts building up the mood of their romance, piece by piece. And WWX is so overcome by the memory that he literally sinks down and sits on his heels.

I also really love Lan Zhan’s theme song, as well. Lan Zhan’s introduction is… a lot. I love that we don’t see his face until it’s WWX seeing his face again, too. And he’s just this floating ethereal being and WWX stares for a long while, transfixed… and then makes fun of the way he’s dressed, with a fond smile. There’s such a good job there of putting in a sense of familiarity and history with how Wei Ying reacts to seeing Lan Zhan again.

The set-up of the sixteen years ago, seeing that moment, and then when we come back to it 30+ episodes later as we see both that there was so much we didn’t know but also that the show didn’t at all ‘cheat’ about the emotions of the scene — the backstory information we get complicates the picture of that day that we start with but doesn’t undermine it.

Wei WuXian also comes back in a much better emotional place? Given the way resentful energy is presented in the drama as a corrupting force, I wonder if part of that is attributable to getting a ‘new start’ in Mo XuanYu’s body — his own original body had been put through so much physical trauma in addition to the emotional trauma. The removal of his golden core. Being thrown down into the burial mounds. Then years of resentful energy being held inside his body and built up over time. Even just getting a chance to wipe that out and start again in a body that hasn’t been through that trauma might be helpful. This fey, trickster Wei WuXian is reminiscent of how we meet him in the flashback.

Though, in the drama (as I understand it, his death happens differently in the novel), another element might be that we did see him reach a moment of peace right before he died — he saved Lan Zhan’s life. He was already able to break out of the stranglehold of his grief and pain long enough to do that before he died, so his mind already started the healing process (but then he died, so it was short-circuited — sort of? Wei Ying does make it clear he was aware of being dead and he even knows how long he’s been dead without anyone telling him). I’m not sure how much of that applies to the novel’s version of WWX, but that’s what I got out of the drama’s version.

I really love Wei Ying’s casual displays of power. Snapping his fingers to freeze Mo XuanYu’s cousin in place… it just comes so naturally to him. He just has this very spontaneous-feel to when he uses magic (is it still called cultivation in this context?) that makes it just part of who he is and it’s very charming.

We see the hints of Nie HuaiSang’s hand behind everything — he paid the storyteller to talk about the YiLing Patriarch for three solid days, probably to influence the timing of Mo XuanYu’s ritual. He makes sure he stays there to see the initial results through — which he does again in the final act of the story. I have much genuine love for Nie HuaiSang tbh. He gets his revenge thoroughly but doesn’t go incredibly overboard the way most of the revenge-based characters do in the series (though he is ruthless about it). He knows his own strengths and weaknesses — he’s not a fighter, but he knows where he can find one. He doesn’t have overweening ambition beyond what he can handle. If his big brother had never been murdered, I get the sense he would have happily stayed a decorative baby brother all his life.

The Lan juniors are the cutest lil beans in creation. I love the contrast between them, because we see that Lan SiZhui is much more polite and formal than Lan JingYi, but he’s also incredibly compassionate and his heart is very much present on his face at all times. He’s respectful but openly kind. The moments when his memory is getting tickled by the way Wei Ying is behaving is also… it means so much after having seeing the drama all the way through once. And I love Lan JingYi for many reasons, but also because I think his (tbh kind of straight-up bratty) attitude implies that the Cloud Recesses have calmed the fuck down a bit about their strictness in the past decade-plus. And he finds Wei Ying’s dramatics amusing for the most part, which is cute.

Lan SiZhui recognizing wangxian — I suspect he’s remembering Wei Ying playing it rather than it being a post-death memory of LWJ playing it, since Lan JingYi doesn’t remember it at all. And because if Lan WangJi played it for anyone after Wei Ying died, then I’m not sure he would have been so certain from the start that the person playing it had to be Wei Ying. Meanwhile, Wei Ying isn’t aware of the full emotional importance of the song to Lan Zhan, and he seems to play it a couple of times as a soothing action (self-soothing here, and then to calm down Wen Ning’s corpse in episode 2)? Likely because it reminds him of being cared for by someone (in this case, of course, Lan Zhan). Wei Ying keeps precious hold of things like this and is very sentimental from what we see, and it makes sense that he associates this song with affection in the same way that he associates lotus root and sparerib soup with affection.

I am… honestly not at all surprised that people (even apart from the Lans) are using all the cool shit that Wei WuXian created even while most of the cultivation world still condemns him. That was the way they behaved when he was alive, too. They wanted his cool shit but judged him for making it.

Wei WuXian standing up for Lan SiZhui and the rest of the juniors when Madame Mo is yelling at them: he’s such a natural defender, tbh (which, of course, ends up being a big part of why he and Jiang Cheng end up at odds because WWX doesn’t limit his caretaking nature to his family but extends it to literally anyone who needs it no matter the cost). He’s nurturing in a careless/teasing way at times but he’s also very protective. And that impulse to jump in to help other people is such a big moral thing that he shares with Lan Zhan.

Okay, so, thoughts on grief as presented in the drama: Lan WangJi is well-known and beloved by the young Lan disciples. His reputation is back to being spotless, because it’s been over a decade since he did anything wrong. so, I don’t think he was publicly still grieving, though I will note that the Lan junior disciples seem relatively open to the idea that the YiLing Patriarch was probably not the worst person ever and it wouldn’t suck if he really weren’t dead after all, kind of reminiscent of MianMian’s daughter talking about how the YiLing Patriarch only goes after bad people (Lan JingYi honestly sounds hilariously excited about the idea that the YiLing Patriarch might still be alive, tbh - what have you been telling these children, Lan Zhan? lol).

So while I don’t get the impression LWJ spent most of those years openly pining, I’m sure the subject of WWX has come up, as he’s still a popular monster-in-the-night for a lot of people, and LWJ probably did defend his memory, in his own quiet but solid way. But I also get the impression overall that LWJ put his deep grief for Wei Ying in the same box as his deep grief over his mother, and he did his duty.

Then, he realizes Wei Ying might be alive and everything changes. I love that they both instinctively think of each other by their given names, too. Even when Wei Ying isn’t sure whether or not he wants to see Lan Zhan, that’s still how he thinks of him first — as Lan Zhan. And Lan Zhan just stares at the sword while it’s giving off those black smoke trails, transfixed, and when he first wonders if Wei Ying is alive and there, it’s just... Peak Romance, y’all. Peak Romance.

It does crack me up that the second Wei Ying gets the chance, he dresses himself in his own colors of black & red and doesn’t stick with Mo XuanYu’s colors. The only effort he puts into his ‘undercover’ disguise is the mask. He deserves a “I don’t think you even tried at all” star tbh.

Series Overview | Index | Next Episode

[dornishsphinx]

Kiss Meme: 26 unlucky numbers

(WELL THIS GOT LONGER THAN INTENDED FOR A PROMPT FIC)

26. jealous kiss

Xianfu wasn’t usually one to care about her regulars, but not many of her regulars’ visits resulted in a handsomely paid night off where he’d be content with nothing more than a song from her pipa and her presence at his side while he slept.

His arm was held possessively around her tonight, though, and it was so uncharacteristic she couldn’t help feeling concerned, and by extension, wary of the man sitting in front of them. He was handsome, dressed in xuan duan style, with a pleasant face and quiet demeanour. She recognised him from last time too, and though he’d made a less distressing impression than his terrifying, disruptive companion—that one had made her so afraid she’d scampered away—he still seemed dangerous. His reputation would do that: binder of the Heavenly Demon King, the new leader of the most famous sect in the world, the Xuan Su Sword, Yue Qingyuan.

Shen Qingqiu, on the other hand, was just a person. He had become something like a friend over the years of their arrangement, and so the arm didn’t bother her; she believed full-heartedly that if she gently pushed him away, he would acquiesce, but she also knew him well enough to understand it would mean never seeing him again, anywhere but between the clouds. (This was the first visit in months after the head disciple of Bai Zhan had ripped him from her bed and mocked him for his lechery in front of the entire district, after all.)

“I’m surprised to see Yue-shixiong is still here,” he said, after a good few minutes had passed in silence. “It’s a big day tomorrow, and I hear that such surroundings as these are not worthy of his sect.”  

The sect leader’s eyes immediately sprang away from where they had been resting on Shen Qingqiu’s collar, like a startled rabbit. He had not looked at a single woman save Xianfu since arriving, and only then in an intense, assessing way when Shen Qingqiu had pulled her into his side. There was no harm or ill-will in his eyes, but somehow it had still felt like they were stabbing her.

“It’s Qingqiu-shidi’s big day, not my own.”

Shen Qingqiu waved his cup of huangjiu in an off-hand gesture. Some of it caught on the sides and dripped down the sides and onto his hand. The Sect Leader’s eyes were drawn back, and they tracked a droplet as it streaked down and into his sleeve.

“Of course it’s not yours. How greedy can you be, to want two? It’s mine.” He paused. “And everyone else’s.”

The Sect Leader opened his mouth to speak, but Shen Qingqiu took another drink, his gaze in completely in a different direction as he continued on.

“I told you that if the sect’s name is kept out of it, there’s no harm, and yet here you are, ready to lecture me yet again.”

Xianfu thought that the “leave me alone” was implied, but the Sect Leader didn’t seem to pick up on it. Instead, for some reason, when his eyes lifted back from Shen Qingqiu’s throat, his eyes had turned warmer, and a touch of hope flowed into them like ink into water.

“My apologies if I’m annoying Qingqiu-shidi.”

“You always do,” said Shen Qingqiu, but the Sect Leader’s eyes gleamed at hearing it. Xianfu couldn’t understand why. Shen Qingqiu shifted, and the cup tilted slightly as he did. This time, Yue Qingyuan plucked up the courage to point it out.

“Qingqiu-shidi,” he said, “Your sleeve.”

He reached out, but Shen Qingqiu snatched his arm back from across the table like Yue Qingyuan’s hand was a flame ready to catch onto the soaked patch and burn him alive. The Sect Leader’s face fell, but then he composed himself.

“I’m not here to lecture you. It’s just that we won’t necessarily be seeing each other at the spars now that we’ve ascended, and I—”  

“Good,” said Shen Qingqiu. “Your voice was irritating. Always jabbering.”

The slight slur to his words was more evident now, to both of them. Yue Qingyuan’s face twisted in concern.

“Qingqiu-shidi really ought to refrain from drinking,” he said. “The others are already in seclusion, readying themselves for the ceremony.”

This close, she could feel Shen Qingqiu’s back stiffen.

“Is that an order?” His tone made very clear that he did not intend on following it even if it was. He continued on before the Sect Leader could answer. “You needn’t worry about me disrupting the official ascension. And even if I’m a lecher ready to drink myself to death, what business is it of yours? You don’t have the power to replace me as your second. Only Shizun does. Even if I die, the position will just be left open until the next generation.”

The Sect Leader’s expression fell even further, like he’d tripped and fallen from a cliff to discover his fall had been broken by some harmless creature.

“I would never—”

Xianfu watched in fascination as one of the most famous cultivators in the world shrank under the flash of his shidi’s eyes, all courage deserting his frame.

“…Is the well-being of his subordinates not a Sect Leader’s business?”

Before Xianfu knew what was happening, she found herself tugged forward and onto his lap. After so many nights spent innocently together, the way Shen Qingqiu’s hands sat on her seemed to her more like a child clinging to his mother, but from across the table, the impression must have been very different. The Sect Leader’s expression froze and, for a moment, she had the distinct impression that the he was about to launch himself across the table and yank one of them away from the other. Instead, his fists balled in his black robes as he sat, rooted to his chair.

“You really ought to leave, Yue-shixiong. Lust will impair your cultivation, isn’t that what you said? Do you really want yours becoming as twisted like mine?” He leant into Xianfu’s hair, but his eyes were fixed across the table. “Or do you think you’re too good to fall?”

The Sect Leader stared at him, with a guilty expression. Then, his gaze fell, and he wrung his hands.

“Nobody is too good to fall,” he said, sounding very much like he was parroting some aged master, before closing his eyes. “You blame me for all that’s happened. Deservedly so. But you’ve made it to the top even after everything.” It sounded like the ‘I’m proud of you’ of a man too scared of what the reaction to those explicit words might be.

Shen Qingqiu stared at his superior, and then back down at his huangjiu, and drained the rest of it. Yue Qingyuan—and Xianfu internally—winced.

His voice was pleasant when he next spoke.

“Zhangmen-shixiong granted me the opportunity to show off my perseverance. Why shouldn’t I be grateful?” He gently moved Xianfu off his lap and stood. She slipped away towards the stairs. “Safe travels back up the mountain.”

Yue Qingyuan’s gaze followed her with a frown, before realisation hit.

“You can’t mean to—”  

Whatever emotion was truly behind the words, it sounded like disgust. It sparked a fire in Shen Qingqiu as he wrenched himself away, setting his eyes ablaze.

“And why shouldn’t I?”

“I forbid it,” said Yue Qingyuan, before he seemed to realise what he’d said and looked shocked at himself.

“You forbid it?” said Shen Qingqiu. His mouth transformed from a slack surprise, to an incensed clench of his teeth, and then to a hard, incredulous smile. “You forbid it?” His expression turned uglier than any he’d ever let Xianfu see. “As though you have the right to forbid me from anything.”

Yue Qingyuan let go of him as though only just feeling the fire he’d kindled, but Shen Qingqiu seized back onto him.

“You think you’re better than me,” said Shen Qingqiu. “You think you’re so untouchable. You think nobody can ruin you because you’re not weak.”

He leant in close to Yue Qingyuan. He wasn’t used to drinking, and his head felt oddly like it was being touched all over, but by nothing. Yue Qingyuan looked like an animal that no longer trusted its instincts; or rather, someone told for years on end that lust for women would impair his progress, and who had quietly judged others for such things, not understanding why such a thing would be an issue for others until this moment.

Shen Qingqiu pulled him down. The kiss was a messy thing, because there was supposed to be nothing in it but rage and ruination, spurred by envy of the man who would always be one step ahead of him and jealousy for a position that could have been his, a position Yue Qingyuan had never wanted with the ferocity he did. 

Shen Qingqiu was going to become Qing Jing Peak Lord, and he would never rise any higher, or ever be his own true master.

Trying to ruin him was useless, of course, because it was Yue Qingyuan. Any attempts to dirty him or make him lust after the thing he’d created would result in a bemused smile; the heavens had never considered his broken promises the kind of sins that could ruin his ascent to immortality, while everything Shen Jiu did damned him further.

“I was just as good as you,” he said. Before you left me with him, and he ruined me down to my bones. Yue Qingyuan blinked in confusion at the shaking rage, seeming to have forgotten where he was, before his face fell into concern.

“Xiao—”

“Don’t forget what it is you cost me.”

Laughing, even if there would be no humour in it, would make Xiao Jiu even angrier. So, he didn’t, even though the idea warranted it.

As though he ever could.

[katekatharos]

Nirvana in Fire Post Ending Fic Recs (ENG)

Updated: 20th April with six fics

Nirvana in Fire Fanfiction Recs (English language) From the wailing and gnashing of teeth on tumblr it seems there’s a new crop of brave souls venturing into Nirvana in Fire. Hello all! Please remain hydrated throughout the ride. 

 I’ve put together a rec list of post-ending fics to support you when you’ve finished. There be SPOILERS under the cut, so please only read if you’ve finished the drama.

If anyone knows of any I’ve missed please feel free to add :) 

 Canon Ending Compliant - During the End Fics 

 Because sometimes you just want to twist the knife and read about Mei Changsu dying.

I will be with you, until the very end.

(1043 words) by gixi_ninja

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Major Character Death

Relationships: Lin Chen/Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe

Characters: Lin Chen, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe

Additional Tags: Death, Angst, palliation, Not for resus

Summary:

All physicians know the signs of an impending death. There is a change of colour to the skin. The muscles go slack and weak. The pattern of breathing changes.

The night has grown deep. In the darkness of the tent, a single candle sputters. Lin Chen closes his eyes and counts Mei Changsu’s breaths.

(Lin Chen takes care of Mei Changsu in his last moments.)

This fic feels - very small, very claustrophobic, and yet very painful. It’s all about the breaths, and two promises Lin Chen has made.

Added April 20th

drift (10632 words) by gooseberry Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 琅琊榜 | Nirvana in Fire (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Meng Zhi & Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe Characters: Meng Zhi, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Lin Chen, Lie Zhanying, Zhen Ping, Yan Yujin, Xiao Jingrui, Fei Liu Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Mortality, Major Illness, War, Friendship/Love Summary: Meng’s messages to Jinling and Jingyan are short and carefully edited. He writes about the skirmishes that lead to battles and the battles that lead to stalemates. He writes about the snow, how it drifts in the valleys and low places, how it melts beneath the sun and freezes again during the night. He writes about his generals, his lieutenants, and his captains. He writes about his strategist.

He writes, Mei Changsu is a skilled tactician. His insights have led to profitable battles with low casualty rates. He silently mouths to himself, He can no longer ride a horse. I don’t know how he will travel back to Jinling, and then writes, With Mei Changsu’s assistance, we will win this war quickly and with lower costs than anticipated.

He says to himself, “Mei Changsu is the cost,” and then covers his mouth with his hand, the scales of his gauntlet pricking at his skin.

---

Meng spends a cold winter caught in a war with two fronts--the Greater Yu army on one front, and a dying strategist on the other. It's basically ten thousand some-odd words of Meng-feels, Meng&Lin Shu bromance, and the slow breaking of a man's heart as he watches his best friend die.

This fic. This fic. This fic sliced my heart open, its Meng struggling to come to terms with the fact that Xiao Shu is dying, Meng struggling to win the war, and the cold. The cold is a character in its own right, it permeates the fic, hangs over everything. This fic took me by the hand and said “you think you already love Meng Zhi and know what it did to him to have to watch his friend die? let me show you.”

winter (if you must leave)

(6021 words) by winchilsea

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Major Character Death

Relationships: Lin Chen/ Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe

Characters: Lin Chen, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe

Additional Tags: Minor Canonical Character(s), Meiling, Canon Compliant

Summary:

Lin Chen and Mei Changsu talk about love without ever using the word. A series of scenes at Meiling.

Reading this fic is like stabbing yourself over and over again. But it is so beautiful, and painful, and satisfying somehow like - of course it would hurt exactly THIS much, and in THIS way. It’s Mei Changsu dying but it’s also all the other ways that being at this second Meiling hurt Lin Chen as well, and yet he chooses to be there, because Mei Changsu is there. It’s all the history between them, all the love, and all the hurts and both are equally real and present. Read with a tissue to hand.

stay awake, don't close your eyes

(2734 words) by besanii

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Major Character Death

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan

Characters: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Xiao Jingyan, Lie Zhan Ying, Zhen Ping, Fei Liu, Consort Jing

Additional Tags: Grief/Mourning, Canon Compliant

Summary:

“You’ll make a great Emperor one day, Jingyan,” he murmurs. “You’ll do great things…create a Da Liang that we can all be proud of.”

“And you’ll be here to watch me do it,” Jingyan reminds him. He tightens his grip on Xiao Shu’s hand. “I always keep my promises, Xiao Shu. So you must keep yours.”

Or: Prompt #77 "Mei Changsu dies in Jingyan's arms.”

This fic sets out events slightly different to how they are implied in canon, but it is canon compliant in all the most important ways. All the most painful ways. I finished this not knowing if this way was better or worse but definitely knowing that I’d been well and truly stabbed. Jingyan :(

A promise to return

(663 words) by gixi_ninja

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan

Characters: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Xiao Jingyan

Additional Tags: Angst, Reference to character death, yet another reaction to ending type of fic, Dreaming, Ficlet

Summary:

It has been a long time since Jingyan has been here. He is the Crown Prince of the East Palace now, and his duties fill his days. There has been no need or desire to go to visit his old manor house - until now.

Jinyan smiles as his fingers unhook the latch that leads to the old hidden door. Even though it has been - months? a year? - the lanterns in the tunnel are still lit. His smile widens. He had heard that Mei Changsu - Xiao Shu - had returned. His old friend must be expecting him then.

Oh this one is exquisitely painful. I don’t know how to say more without spoiling it so - just read.

What is then left behind

(2731 words) by gixi_ninja

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Major Character Death

Characters: Lin Chen, Fei Liu, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe

Additional Tags: Angst, Grief

Summary:

“Ah, Xiao Fei-liu - ” The words die in his throat as soon as he sees Fei-liu’s face. A heavy stone sinks to the pit of his stomach. Something is very wrong.

“Su-ge ge.” Fei-liu’s eyes are rimmed red and there are suspicious streaks of wetness down his cheeks. “Su-ge ge won’t wake up.”

(the aftermath of the ending of LYB)

This fic really, really doesn’t spare the knives :( Fei Liu’s reaction to his Su-gege’s death and Lin Chen’s helplessness in response is so so heartbreaking and there are no easy answers. 

 Ending AU which MAKES IT WORSE. HOW. WHY.

(Added 08/02/17) In the distance fading

(10352 words) by Nerdanel

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Major Character Death

Characters: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Xiao Jingyan, Meng Zhi, Mu Nihuang, Consort Jing, Princess Liyang

Additional Tags: I'm so sorry, but not really, AU, Hurt No Comfort, Grief

Summary:

Jingyan never finds out just how close Xiao Shu was to him, all this time, and the consequences thereof.

Okay so confession time. I haven’t actually read this fic. Look at the summary! Look at the tags!! My heart is fragile and just can’t take this level of pain. However I have read the first few paragraphs while squinting in between my fingers and I can confirm it is beautifully written. Also multiple people who are stronger/more masochistic than I have read it and told me it is amazing so. If you want to be EVEN SADDER go forth and stab yourself. 

Updated April 20th

In the distance, ceasing

(5711 words) by

eikyrona

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Characters: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Xiao Jingyan, Lin Chen

Additional Tags: Hurt No Comfort

Summary:

Lin Shu makes a deal. Mei Changsu pays for it.

Some people just like their knives. This is so very very much something I could see Mei Changsu doing. This is another hard one to rec without giving away fundamentals of the plot so lets just say the knives are bright and shiny and Mei Changsu is perfect and all the other characters are as well, especially Lin Chen. Read if you want to be even sadder/ want to think ‘well, MCS could have made it so much worse!)

 Canon Ending Compliant - Moving On 

 Crying can help the healing! And also its nice to imagine the other characters finding ways to grieve and cope and recover. (projecting who me?)

Still Here (With All I Hold Dear)

(10865 words) by marvelist

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Major Character Death

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan, one-sided Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Lin Chen, Xiao Jingyan & Lin Chen, Fei Liu & His Snacks

Characters: Fei Liu, Tingsheng, Xiao Jingyan, Lin Chen, Meng Zhi, Lie Zhan Ying, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe

Additional Tags: Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Heartbreak, Male Friendship, vaguely described panic attacks, Bromance, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lin Chen being a troll, Banter, Pining, Major Character Death warning refers to canonical death of a character in episode 54, No further deaths in this fic, Spoilers for Episode 54

Summary:

Jingyan misses Xiao Shu in all the ways that matter but he cannot fall apart.

Surprisingly enough, Lin Chen can relate to that.

This is one of my favourite fics. Jingyan’s grief is so powerful and real and he is determined to be a good Emperor and live up to Xiao Shu’s belief in him, but it is so painful to see how he is falling apart. I love his developing friendship with Lin Chen, and the way they are able to come to support each other, and Fei Liu looking after Jingyan as well! 

Added April 20th

In good company

(1418 words) by cease

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Characters: Xiao Jingyan, Lin Chen, Meng Zhi, Lie Zhan Ying, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe

Summary:

Lin Chen answers the questions Xiao Jingyan doesn't ask. Xiao Jingyan thinks Lin Chen should learn to use the door.

Really, really good Lin Chen and Jingyan supporting each other through the grief. Jingyan’s questions broke my heart, because aren’t they the same things we tell ourselves for happy ending AUs?

Added April 20th

A Matter of Time(2866 words) by romantic_drift

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Characters: Princess Liu, Xiao Jingyan, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe

Additional Tags: Character Study, POV Outsider, (kind of), Canon Compliant, canon pairings - Freeform, (so Xiao Jingyan/Princess Liu), (on the same level as the show), (and Xiao Jingyan/Mei Changsu), (if you squint), (or let's be honest if you don't squint), Arranged Marriage, Grief/Mourning

Summary:

They had called her Lady Liu.

Now, they call her Crown Princess.

In time, they will call her Empress.

This fic focuses in on a really, really minor character - who will not be a minor presence at all in the world post drama. I love the way this fic builds her character up from the little we see of her in the drama, the way it layers rumour and history and reality. I love that it doesn’t shy away from the inequality between Jingyan and Lady Liu, but that it shows them both awkwardly doing their best and coming to a place of contentment in the end. 

Jingyan Deserves a Dog

(2343 words) by Katharos

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply

Characters: Xiao Jingyan, Lin Chen, Fei Liu, Original Female Dog Character(s), Meng Zhi, Tingsheng, Eunuch Gao

Additional Tags: Jingyan deserves nice things, like a support network, and a dog, Lin Chen is a troll who can spot a prime trolling opportunity when he sees one

Summary:

Lin Chen gets Jingyan a dog.

Okay fair warning this is my own fic but I wanted to throw it in here. Lin Chen decides to get Jingyan a dog. Because I love Jingyan and I just wanted him to have a dog to cuddle and make him smile. Jingyan’s dog is the Best Dog and all (most of) Jinling agrees. 

 AU Ending - it’s happier than canon! (Limbo under the low bar)

 Fics where MCS is still dying of a terminal illness but at least he’s able to live a bit longer with those who love him. (MCS may argue with whether these are ‘happier than canon’ but he doesn’t get a vote)

Lin Chen and Lin Shu's Excellent Adventure

(7853 words) by Lanerose

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Characters: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Lin Chen, Mu Nihuang, Xiao Jingyan, Fei Liu, Consort Jing, Yan Yujin, Xiao Jingrui, Mu Qing, Yan Que, Xia Dong, Nie Feng

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Fix-It of Sorts

Summary:

The AU in which the last thirty minutes of canon don't happen, and instead, Lin Chen and Lin Shu actually take the trip that Lin Chen had planned. Fei Liu and Nihuang can go, too.

Okay so there’s one chapter but its a long chapter and it feels like it works as a one shot (although I’m SO glad there’s going to be more!) This is an excellent, lovely, ensemble fic - it manages to pack so many characters in and they all gang up to lovingly bully MCS into taking better care of himself which is just my favourite thing ever. It’s so great to see them all together, there is excellent Nihuang and Jingyan, Consort Jing manages to bang some emotional intelligence into MCS (a miracle!!). It feels light hearted and genuinely funny but there is still a twist of very canon pain throughout the whole thing because Mei Changsu is still Mei Changsu and is Terrible at feelings.

Added April 20th

Even to the Edge (7487 words) by soera Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 琅琊榜 | Nirvana in Fire (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan Characters: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Xiao Jingyan Summary: Whether as Lin Shu or as Mei Changsu, there's something obvious about Jingyan that he's missed.

[a.k.a. the one where Mei Changsu didn't know that Jingyan was in love with Lin Shu.]

This fic could also be called ‘Mei Changsu is the stupidest genius ever’ and I love it. It starts early in the series with a slight divergence which builds and builds over the series until we end up in a very different place. Mei Changsu just keeps digging himself deeper and deeper into his hole but he finally gets his head on straight just in time and I sniffled at the ending I’m not going to lie. 

Episode 54

(7300 words) by hallo catfish

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Characters: Lin Chen, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Fei Liu, Gong Yu, Zhen Ping

Summary:

An alternate ending where Mei Changsu, Lin Chen, and Fei Liu go on their promised trip. Schemes are made. Parties are ruined.

Lin Chen manages to drag MCS off on the trip as promised but MCS’ time is still trickling away. But it’s a wonderful trip! Lin Chen has all kinds of wonders planned (which are beautifully described and I want to go to all these places now!) Sadly Mei Changsu is determined to live up to his reputation as a party ruiner. Lin Chen just wants him to. Stop. Scheming!! This is a fic that made me laugh through my tears. It’s very focused on Lin Chen, Mei Changsu, and Fei Liu but we also get to see some key faces from Jiangzuo Alliace, some canon some not, and this fic really gave me a feeling of Mei Changsu’s life in the Jianghu.

With Splendour Fading

(2165 words) by jusrecht

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Lin Chen

Characters: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Lin Chen, Fei Liu

Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Alternate Reality, Spoilers, i love the ending i really do, but sometimes i just want something more, and not sure whether to tag this as linmei or not, can be seen as platonic i suppose

Summary:

The Trip happened. Post-series. SPOILERS.

This is a single, deceptively simple scene which is so beautiful. You can almost feel the early morning sun. It’s Mei Changsu not knowing how much longer he was left but, finally, valuing that time. With some help from Lin Chen. 

 AU Ending - Fix It Fics 

 For when you just want to move to Egypt and read about Mei Changsu living and getting cuddles from Nihuang/Lin Chen/Jingyan etc.

(Added 08/02/17)     in price, a pearl (9096 words) by soera Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 琅琊榜 | Nirvana in Fire (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan Characters: Xiao Jingyan, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe Additional Tags: Supernatural Elements, Fix-It Summary:

Jingyan swallows. He’s heard of spirit stories such as these, of course; who hasn’t? But they’re meant to be pure myth, tales told over evening fires to capture the attention of new recruits.

The price of a life isn't easily paid. Jingyan will pay it anyway.

This fic is just lovely. It could be called bittersweet but Jingyan is happy so I am happy! It blends supernatural spirits and boons with the canon universe beautifully - it opens with young Jingyan (pure noble water buffalo) saving a stranded water buffalo calf and being offered a boon in return. I don’t want to say too much more about the plot for fear of spoiling but it features 1) frustrated man-of-science Lin Chen, 2) protective Lie Zhanying 3) doting besotted Mei Changsu 4) Stubborn and happy Jingyan, and these are all four excellent things which you should go enjoy for yourself right now!

Book of Songs [洞仙歌 ENG]

(10471 words) by merlin, soera, honou

Chapters: 31/31

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan

Characters: Xiao Jingyan, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe

Series: Part 1 of

Book of Songs

Summary:

An Emperor stumbles. A man mourns.

[English translation of 洞仙歌 by 擂文]

This fic is front loaded with heart break and follows new Emperor Jingyan trying to cope with his responsibilities while grieving for Mei Changsu/Lin Shu, and everyone else worrying over him. Super good if you like Jingyan suffering and are feeling salty towards MCS for sticking him with a crap job. It’s a Chinese language fic that has been beautifully translated, and has lots of lovely side stories as well.

The Next Life

(17376 words) by julad

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Mu Nihuang

Characters: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Lin Chen, Mu Nihuang, Xiao Jingyan

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, canon-typical triggers, what the fuck was I thinking, to write a story with a challenge deadline, about a man with three identities having an identity crisis, AND FROM HIS POINT OF VIEW

Summary:

Such a cold response comes as a shock. He'd expected impassioned pleas from her-- he had been steeling himself to endure them. Instead, he is left to consider, with a sudden sense of foreboding, how formidable Nihuang could be as an enemy.   Post-series, alternate ending. Lin Shu ends his engagement with Nihuang. Nihuang lets him. Jingyan finds this unacceptable.

Ugh, this fic is so good! Lin Chen saves Mei Changsu’s life. Mei Changsu is Not Happy about it. Mei Changsu proceeds to piss of absolutely everyone who cares about him and have a massive identityy crisis and be miserable until he manages to pull himself out enough to accept the support everyone is pushing at him. Everyone is just so GOOD in this fic, especially Nihuang (who is justifiably furious at MCS, and gets to be angry at him which is super satisfying given what he puts her through in the series and in this fic) and Jingyan who is completely willing to wield his imperial power in order to force his best friend to get his head out of his own arse..

Peerless [倾国 ENG]

(8827 words) by ofsevenseas, Leilyue

Chapters: 3/49

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan, 靖苏

Characters: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Xiao Jingyan

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, It's basically NiF 2, Translation

Summary:

This is the story of how Jingyan, now Emperor, visits Langya mountain three times to find out if Mei Changsu is alive, and manages to keep him, against all odds.

Another amazing translation - we are so lucky in this fandom <3 Okay warning that this a WIP but I wanted to include it because it is amazing. It looks like it is going to be very slow build and satisfying and Mei Changsu’s issues have issues so it’s going to take awhile. But worth it!

Old Friend [故人 ENG]

(10198 words) by merlin, soera, honou

Chapters: 9/9

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan

Summary:

In the chill of spring, Jiangzuo rings with the sound of galloping hooves that kick up mud and snow.

[English translation of 故人 by 山远淡失巅]

Another wonderful translation! Mei Changsu lives - but is refusing to admit it. Jingyan finally manages to hunt him down and force Mei Changsu to admit to it. There is some really beautiful descriptions, and Jingyan getting his man. Also poor Meng Zhi catching the fall out from these two idiots.

 pearl richer than all his tribe

(886 words) by ofsevenseas

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan

Characters: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Xiao Jingyan, Lin Chen

Additional Tags: Mpreg

Summary:

A pre-emptively jossed ficlet from when we were tossing ideas around for the last part.

So mpreg warning but this is so beautiful and soft and hilarious and Lin Chen’s awful glee is just delightful.

lay your burdens down (let me carry you)

(19448 words) by Tammaiya

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan

Characters: Xiao Jingyu, Xiao Jingyan, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Mu Nihuang, Meng Zhi, Lie Zhanying, Lin Chen

Additional Tags: Mpreg, Sorry Not Sorry, it was literally mpreg or death, and I think this fandom has had enough death for now, i certainly have, so MPREG IT IS, this was supposed to be short and fluffy, it is neither of those things, feelings happened, Happy Ending, Lin Chen living his best troll life, Pining, the epic history of all the many times Jingyan has carried Xiao Shu, accepting responsibility from birth

Series: Part 1 of

The Chronicles of Xiao Yingzhu

Summary:

There are a number of recurring themes in Jingyan's life, and they all come down to Xiao Shu.

Another mpreg warning! The poison of the bitter flame is a very useful thing. So the majority of this fic is beautiful pre-series fluff about the main times Jingyan carried Lin Shu around but the end is the cutest fixit ever. 

 Canon Compliant Ending - with Ghosts 

 Yes, there's enough of these to give them they’re own category! MCS just can’t mind his own business, even when he is dead.

Something Strange in Wuying Hall

(7041 words) by merlin, soera, honou

Chapters: 16/16

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan

Characters: Xiao Jingyan, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe

Summary:

Who're you gonna call?

[English translation of 宫里的苏阿飘 by 帆过十洲]

Another awesome translation! Mei Changsu is haunting Jingyan - who is now Emperor - and who to start with can’t see his ghostly visitor. Which leads to some fantastically hilarious images of what ghost MCS gets up to :)

Ten Thousand Years | 万岁

(1947 words) by Tammaiya

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Major Character Death

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan

Characters: Xiao Jingyan, Lin Chen, Meng Zhi, Consort Jing

Additional Tags: Bittersweet, Post-Canon

Series: Part 1 of

Butterfly Lovers | 蝴蝶梦

Summary:

Emperor Jingwu-di falls ill in the winter of his 36th year.

It’s impossible to write a rec for this series without spoiling the first story so - if you want to read it unspoiled go now! 

 So Mei Changsu is a ghost! Being his emotionally constipated idiot self. But Jingyan is also a ghost. Because he dies :( And the first story is absolutely heartbreaking but the rest is bittersweet but also hilarious and I spent the entire time cheering ghost!Jingyan on because somehow Mei Changsu is even more Terrible at Feelings when he is dead.

even if you cannot hear my voice

(2327 words) by Alaceron

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Characters: Lin Chen, Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Xiao Jingyan, Fei Liu, Lie Zhan Ying

Summary:

The ones we love never truly leave us.

This is somewhat truer for Lin Chen than most.

(Ghost!MCS)

Ghost MCS is much more… ghostly here but still manages to torment Lin Chen (who’s not a hundred percent sure whether or not he’s imagining it but…) And even beyond Ghost MCS it’s just a really lovely look at Lin Chen and Fei Liu living together at Langya Hall. Also Lin Chen discovering that Jingyan, in the words of Antony J Crowley, is ‘just enough of an asshole to be worth liking.’ I LIVE for Jingyan and Lin Chen becoming friends and supporting each other okay. 

 Time Travel Fix It

[一世真 ENG] In Time, Once Again

(121188 words) by katiirabbi

Chapters: 47/47

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan, 殊琰

Characters: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Xiao Jingyan, Meng Zhi, Fei Liu, Mu Nihuang

Additional Tags: Time Travel, Translation, Do-Over, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Friendship

Summary:

When Xiao Jingyan finds himself transported back to his nineteen-year-old self after living a long life as emperor, he is determined to stop the Chiyan conspiracy from happening. But in the attempt to change the wheels of fortune, what will he lose and what will he gain? This is a story of perseverance, love, and sacrifice.

This is a wonderful translation of a truly epic fic and one of the first I read after finishing the series. Read this if you love Jingyan suffering and also want to show Lin Shu just want you put Jingyan through!! Even if this Lin Shu technically wasn’t the one lying and scheming and encouraging other people to hate him. The other thing I love is that even through there is no way Jingyan is going to let this Lin Shu go through the suffering that created Mei Changsu he still loves and misses Mei Changsu - and Mei Changsu’s memory has a strong presence all through this fic.

Added April 20th

Ripples

(4632 words) by jusrecht

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lin Shu/Mei Changsu - Relationship

Characters: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe, Xiao Jingyan, Xiao Jingyu

Additional Tags: idk where this came from, I'm so sorry, should i tag the name twice, how to tag rip

Summary:

Mei Changsu was a pale, delicate-looking scholar with a gentle smile and a smooth, mellow voice, the kind that stirred the worst of Lin Shu’s scorn. (time travel AU)

I love this fic so, SO much. It never actually becomes clear if this is post ending fic or not but I really like the uncertainty. It’s a close Lin Shu POV, who is absolutely AMAZING, a beautiful disaster, who is so loved, has such a wonderful family around him, and then there is Mei Changsu. Lin Shu’s view of Mei Changsu is the best thing about the fic and I don’t want to say too much for fear of spoiling but it is SO good.