#but now I just feel awful and confused and so sad and hurt but also wanting love and soft comfort from men | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

silverb0wties · 2 months ago

Text

Lemonade - Part 5

leah williamson x alessia russo x child!reader

Summary: When something bad happens to your Mummy and Daddy, you end up living with your Aunty Lessi and Aunty Leah. But is there room for you considering they have a new baby on the way?

Chapter Summary: the aftermath of your concussion

Warnings: pregnancy, self-harm, disordered eating, bullying

a/n: sorry if this chapter is a little bit dark in parts. if you're still reading the series, thanks so much for sticking with me. I appreciate it more than you know.

|| Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 ||

PART 5

You woke up on a plastic bed in a room that smelled like the awful cream your Mummy would rub on her legs after Netball, surrounded by a million different kinds and colours of sellotape.

You could hear voices, and you looked over to the corner of the room to find your Aunty Leah consoling your Aunty Lessi as she cried. She looked distraught, her eyes red and puffy with tears.

“I should have known it would overwhelm her. I was just so excited to share this with her…”

“Babe, she’s going to be okay. We’re still learning all this, yeah?”

“But we’re meant to protect her, and… and I- I…” Aunty Lessi choked on her words before Aunty Leah cut her off.

“And I should have had a tighter grip on her when I saw she was panicking. Like I said, we’re both still learning how to do this. The medics said she’s got a bit of a concussion, but she’ll be alright. We know how concussions work, so we’ve just got to keep our eyes on her and make sure she gets lots and lots of rest.”

There was a quiet knock at the door, before an important looking lady with a clipboard came in.

“Less, sorry but we need to know if you’re going to play the second half or not?” she asked.

As your Aunties turned toward the door, they realised that you were awake.

“Oh Bunny, sweetie, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” your Aunty Lessi rushed over to you, her hands coming down to gently cradle the sides of your head.

You looked up at her a bit stunned, rather confused about why you were where you were and why everyone seemed so upset.

“Does your head hurt? Do you feel sick or dizzy at all?” she asked, her hand softly brushing through your hair.

You tried to think about if you felt sick or dizzy, but all you could really feel was a powerful throbbing rattling through your head. You also felt really, really tired. But you had just woken up, so that could perhaps explain that. You don’t remember going to sleep though, which was starting to concern you.

“I feel okay,” you replied, trying to brush away your Aunty’s concern.

“Alessia, sorry, we need t-” the lady at the door began to ask again.

“I won’t be playing, sorry. My family is more important right now,” Aunty Lessi told her.

“Less, you should go play. I’ll stay with Bunny and make sure she’s-”

Your Aunty Lessi whipped around to face Aunty Leah. “No, Leah. I’m not leaving her. She’s hurt. We’ll get a car to take us back to the training centre so we can go home early,” she insisted firmly.

Aunty Leah replied with a sad smile and a nod. “I’ll go get our stuff packed up then, yeah?”

“I’m okay Aunty Lessi, you should play!” you tried to insist.

“No Bunny, there would be no point in me playing anyways. I would be so distracted out there and worrying about you I would probably kick the ball into the wrong goal by mistake.”

By the time you finally got back home that night, your head was still pounding and you were struggling to stay awake. You were trying your hardest to be big and brave and pretend like you were okay, but as soon as you stepped into bath, your whole façade fell apart. As the warm water lapped at your tense muscles, which you now realised you’d been clenching in an effort to distract from the pain in your head, your resolve melted and you began to weep.

You brought your knees up to your chest and dropped your head forward, your hands entwining at the back of your head as your little body shook with each sob. The tears and jagged breaths only intensified the pain in your head though, which in turn caused more tears and jagged breaths. You tried your hardest to stay as quiet as possible, but you were aware that your cries were becoming increasingly vocal.

There was soon a soft knock at the door, followed by your Aunty Lessi’s voice. Whilst making sure you still got clean and dressed, your Aunties had always tried to give you your privacy while bathing and dressing, which you appreciated. They were your Aunties, but it still felt weird being undressed around people who weren’t your parents.

“Bunny? Are you okay?” she called through the closed door.

“It hurts” you cried in response.

“What hurts honey?”

“Everything. My head hurts most.”

“How about we give you some medicine to make it hurt less, yeah?”

“Okay.”

“And then we can get you to bed, and you can try and get some rest, alright?”

“Okay.”

There was a short pause. You’d assumed your Aunty had gone away to get the medicine, but then you heard her voice again.

“Bun, you don’t always have to try and be big and brave y’know? If you’re hurting, you can tell us. Always. I promise you won’t be in trouble or we won’t make fun of you or anything. We just want you to feel okay.”

“Okay.”

You didn’t fully believe her. You wanted to, but a part of you still believed that there was only so much love and affection to go around and you needed to space that out at least until Lemonade arrived. You didn’t want to use it all up on this incident.

So you tried your hardest to push the pain down and away as you quickly washed yourself. You managed to get yourself up and out of the bath and wrapped in a towel before there was a knock at the door again.

“You can come in,” you mumbled, making sure the towel was secured tightly under your arms.

Your Aunty Lessi entered with a little cup filled with pink medicine and a cup of water. She kneeled down to your height as she offered it to you.

“Now it says strawberry flavoured on the bottle, so hopefully it won’t taste too bad.”

You gingerly took the cup and gulped the medicine down, wincing at the distinctly fake strawberry taste. You quickly grabbed the cup of water from your Aunty’s other hand and skulled that down to wash away the lingering flavour.

“Good job, Bun. Now let’s get you into your PJ’s and into bed, yeah?”

By the time you were under the covers, arms tightly wrapped around your beloved Arthur, the pain in your head had dulled to only a mild ache.

“Goodnight sweet girl” your Aunty Lessi whispered, kissing the top of your head.

“Night Aunty Lessi” you mumbled back.

It was the first time you slept through the night without waking up to a nightmare since the fire.

You woke up to the smell of Aunty Lessi’s lasagne wafting through the house. However, as you opened your eyes and came to your senses, you immediately panicked.

You were not in your own bed.

You were in your Aunties bed.

You had no idea how you’d come to be in their bed. The last thing you remembered you were lying on the floor in the loungeroom studying one of the books the Arsenal girls had given you about football. You were trying to understand where all the different positions were on the pitch and what responsibilities each position had. You had been figuring out the difference between a centre-back and a full-back when you had… fallen asleep.

Bad. Bad. Bad.

Whilst it had been a few days now since your accident and you’d had a couple of days off school and your head no longer hurt, you were still feeling extra extra tired from your concussion. You’d spent most of that day at school trying to hide your yawns from your teacher and classmates. When you’d been given some free time after finishing one of your activities ahead of the rest of the class, the same group of students that always seemed to catch you at your weakest had caught you dozing off in the corner of the room where you’d been reading. They’d tied your shoelaces together and were starting to draw on your arm when you woke up. You hadn’t realised they’d also put rolled up pieces of paper in your hair braid until your Aunty Leah pointed them out when she picked you up.

You’d tried to brush it off and said it was just a game all the kids were playing with each other, but the concerned frown your Aunty gave you implied she didn’t quite believe your lie.

“You know you can tell us if there’s anything going wrong at school, yeah? If anyone’s picking on you or calling you names or anything?”

You just nodded. There was no way you would ever tell your Aunties what was really happening at school. You would just deal with it like a big girl. Push through. Be brave. They had bigger things to worry about than some kids putting paper in your hair and saying mean things. Your Aunty Leah was growing a human AND mending her busted knee for heaven’s sake! You could deal with some silly paper in your hair.

When you’d got back to the house, you went straight to your room to undo your braid and pluck all the little pieces of paper from your hair. You’d counted them (23 in total) before scrunching them up and throwing them in the little wastepaper basket beside your desk.

As the paper hit the basket, a tiny ball of raging heat began bubbling in your chest. You didn’t know what to do with it or how to describe it, but it made you want to stomp your feet and hit a wall and scratch at your skin. You’d never been the best at describing emotions, but you were pretty certain this wasn’t sadness. Perhaps, this was anger? Frustration? Disappointment?

The tiny ball continued to bubble and grow as you lunged for your bed where Arthur lay. You attempted desperately to use your tried and tested method of rubbing his ear against your cheek to calm the feeling, and whilst it felt nice, it did nothing to soothe your need to stomp or hit or scratch.

You searched your room urgently for something else to ease the searing heat in your chest, even gulping down the remnants of a cup of water on your bedside table. But nothing worked. You needed to stomp or hit or scratch. You knew couldn’t stomp your feet or hit a wall, because that would be loud, and your Aunty would hear and come ask what was wrong. So, you decided to scratch.

You had to pick somewhere not too visible so that if you left a mark, nobody would see and ask what happened. So, you tugged up the hem of your school dress and pushed down your tights and began scratching at the skin at the top of your right thigh.

The relief was instant.

The second your nails dug into your flesh, the little ball of heat in your chest began to cool. You scratched and scratched, and scratched some more until it finally, finally disappeared. By the time you eventually stopped, your skin was stinging, and your fingers were cramping. But the little ball of heat was gone, and that was all that mattered.

There was a gentle knock on the door as you speedily pulled your tights back up, wincing as they brushed against your newly tender skin.

Your Aunty Leah popped her head in through the door, “Bun, do you want a snack? I got some blueberry muffins from the bakery…”

“Oh… um, yeah, I’ll be right down, just getting that paper out of my hair,” you mumbled, quickly running your fingers through the ends of your messy blonde mane.

“Alright, I’ll pop them in the microwave to warm them up,” she replied before heading back downstairs to do so.

As you heard her footsteps fade away, you turned around and pulled your tights down again, trying with all your might not to release a pained noise as the fabric ripped away from your newly raw skin. The area you’d scratched was an angry red colour and the skin seemed wet, but there was no blood, which whilst a relief, made no sense to you.

Not wanting to keep your Aunty waiting, you hastily pulled your tights the rest of the way off and threw them in your laundry hamper. The house was warm enough, but you decided to grab your soft little blanket that had purple and grey clouds, as well as the book on football you had been reading and the little notebook you’d been making notes in (and Arthur of course), and head downstairs.

“Perfect timing Bun, just took them out of the microwave. Do you want a drink?”

“I’m okay. Thank you, Aunty Leah, this looks lovely” you replied, climbing up onto a stool in front of the kitchen bench where a little plate with a yummy looking blueberry muffin sat.

“Well, we all know the kitchen is Aunty Lessi’s domain. That woman can cook like a dream! But I’m not too shabby at picking out a good pastry. I guess you could say bread and bread-adjacent foods are my domain,” she teased.

You giggled as you tucked into your muffin, appreciating your Aunty Leah’s silly jokes about how bad at cooking she was and how limited the range of foods she ate was. Your extended family often seemed to tease her a bit about being a picky eater and she would usually laugh it off or join in on the joke. But you knew it was something she was actually a bit self-conscious about.

A few days into your stay here you’d gone to the fridge to grab some milk for your cereal and had accidentally knocked a container off a shelf. As you bent down to pick it up, you noticed a little letter stuck to the lid that read “Leah, my love, it’s okay if you can’t eat this. I know you tried and I’m proud of you. Please just make sure you eat something or at least have a protein smoothie. For you and for ‘L’. Love you – xx Less.” You’d immediately felt guilty for reading it as you rushed to put it back on the shelf, knowing you’d intruded on a bit of your Auntie’s privacy. You’d seen a few similar little notes stuck to containers since then. At the time you’d been very confused about what “for you and for ‘L’” meant, but you had since figured out it meant ‘for you and for Lemonade’.

When you finished your muffin, you wriggled off the stool and headed over to place your plate in the dishwasher.

“Are you done with your plate too, Aunty Leah?” you offered.

“Oh, thanks sweetie, you didn’t have to do that,” she replied as she passed you her plate with a smile. “Feel free to watch something on the telly if you want. I’ve got a bit of boring adult housework stuff to catch up on before Aunty Lessi gets home.”

“Is there anything you need help with?” you asked.

“No, no. I’ve just got to do a couple of loads of laundry and there’s no way I would make you deal with Aunty Lessi’s gross smelly training socks! It’s bad enough poor little Lemonade is stuck with me and can’t escape from it,” she laughed, jokingly shielding her belly from the smell.

“Is it okay if I just read in the loungeroom?” you asked.

“Of course it is! Just remember if your head starts to hurt or you’re feeling too tired or anything, to have a rest, yeah?” she smiled at you, stroking her fingers affectionately through your hair.

“I will, thank you.”

So, you made yourself comfortable in a little spot on the loungeroom floor, surrounded by a couple of cushions, the blanket you’d brought down from your room and, of course, Arthur. Soon you were laying on your belly, nose deep in the book and jotting down notes in your notebook all about what a penalty shootout was and what circumstances led to one. You drew a little picture of the goal and the line markings and where the goalie had to stand and where the other players had to stand, before turning back to the book to read about in-game penalties when slowly but suddenly you… were… asleep.

The next thing you knew you were waking up in your Auntie’s bed to the smell of your Aunty Lessi’s lasagna.

The realisation hit you like a hundred bolts of lightning.

You’d slept in someone else bed.

Bad. Bad. Bad.

Bad things happen when you sleep in someone else’s bed.

The last time you’d slept in someone else’s bed, your house burned down, and your Mummy and Daddy had died.

You jumped out of the bed as though it was burning you, panic rattling all through your little body.

“Bad. Bad. Bad.”

Your right hand began hitting at the side of your head before you even knew it was happening.

“Bad. Bad. Bad.”

Your other hand clawed at the skin of your neck, scratching determinedly at the tender skin there.

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

You tried so hard to stop them, but your feet began to stomp loudly, your whole body seemingly moving with a mind of its own. Everything around you seemed like it was spinning. You thought you could smell smoke and when your eyes began to water you weren’t sure if it was because you were crying or if it was because there was actually smoke.

You vaguely heard a commotion and saw the door swing open, but everything around you continued to spin making you feel like throwing up. You couldn’t throw up in your Auntie’s bedroom!

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

“Bunny? Sweetie, what’s going on?”

You could hear your Aunty Lessi’s voice and feel her presence, but the only word you could think was ‘BAD’.

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

The word kept falling from your lips and you continued to stomp and hit and scratch.

“Okay, Bun. I’m going pick you up so you stop hurting yourself sweetie. I need to make you nice and safe, alright?”

Again, you heard your Aunty but all you could think was ‘BAD’.

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

Carefully you felt your Aunty wrap her arms around you, trapping your arms and lifting you off the ground. You struggled as your body fought to keep hitting and scratching and stomping, but she gently tugged your hands away from your neck and head, tucking them tightly against her chest.

“You’re okay, lovely. You’re safe, I promise. It’s just you, me and Aunty Leah here okay. Nothing bad is going to happen alright? We’re safe. You’re safe. Everything’s okay…”

“Bad. Bad. Bad.”

“What do you mean by bad, Bun?” Aunty Lessi asked.

You shook your head, unable to explain yourself. All you could say was “bad.”

“Oh sweetie, you haven’t done anything bad. You’re not in any kind of trouble. I promise. And nothing bad is going to happen either, okay?” she whispered.

You began to slowly unclench in her arms, comforted by the soothing way she was swaying gently. Eventually you opened your eyes to see your Aunty Leah standing in the doorway watching on, her face red and blotchy as though she’d been crying.

You immediately came back into your body, realising whatever you’d just done had upset your Aunty Leah. You tried to wriggle slightly to free yourself from your Aunty Lessi’s grip, but she tightened her hold.

“Not yet sweetie. I need to what’s going on? What happened?” she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed with you in her lap.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean to be bad and upset Aunty Leah. I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll be good. I promise.”

“Darling, you didn’t upset me” your Aunty Leah assured you as she came over to sit next to Aunty Lessi on the bed.

“But your face is blotchy like you’ve been crying” you replied, your Aunty Lessi finally loosening her grip on her as your reached toward Aunty Leah.

“Well, it’s because I have been, but it’s not because you upset me. I’m just worried about you is all. Why were you hurting yourself?” she asked, taking your hand in hers.

“I just had to. I don’t know. I just did. I was bad.” You jumped off Aunty Lessi’s lap and started pacing on the floor in front of her and Aunty Leah. “I woke up in this bed and I had no idea why I was in your bed and all I could think was ‘bad’ and I just did it without realising.”

“I washed your sheets and they’re in the dryer. So, when you fell asleep on the loungeroom floor, I just put you in here for your nap. I didn’t mean for it to upset you so much, sweetie,” Aunty Leah explained, tears still rolling down her cheeks.

“You didn’t upset me, I just I don’t want you and Aunty Lessi and Lemonade to die too!”

You heard your Aunties gasp at your explanation, but you just kept pacing, trying to figure out a way to stop the inevitable from happening.

“Bunny, oh my goodness, why would Aunty Leah and Lemonade and I die because you had a nap in our bed?”

“Because that’s what happened when I slept in Mummy and Daddy’s bed!”

You watched as your Aunties exchanged a series of looks. The seemed confused and shocked, which was confusing and shocking to you, because it all seemed so obvious.

“Darling, your Mummy and Daddy didn’t die because you slept in their bed,” Aunty Leah tried to tell you.

“Yes, they did! They did. They DID! I know they did! It’s the only thing different I did that night from all the other nights. I had done so so good all summer getting into my big girl routine and kept it up really well for the first couple of weeks of school. But then… then I slipped up, and I was bad and I asked to sleep in bed with Mummy and Daddy that night. And and th- the fire happened. And if I had of been in my own room, I could have got myself out. Because we’d practiced. Daddy made sure we practiced. And and and then… then Da-Daddy wouldn’t have needed to get me out and he could have helped Mummy because of her leg. And they could have got out too. But I was bad. I slept in a bed that wasn’t mine. When I should have just slept in my own bed, like a good girl. Like a big girl. And now they’re dead. They’re both dead. And it’s my fault. And now what if you die too!?”

#woso fanfics #leah williamson x reader #alessia russo x reader #woso fanfic #woso imagine #arsenal x reader #leah williamson x alessia russo x reader #woso fic #woso x reader #alessia russo #leah williamson #lemonade #child reader

315 notes · View notes

buckyandgeraltsupremacy · 1 year ago

Text

remus x shy!reader (part 4)

author: sj

warnings: fluff; angst for remus lol; reader is in hufflepuff; uses she/her pronouns; not edited

done with finals!! now battling the want to only read fics and not write, let me know if you want a confession from rem!!

masterlist

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 5

---

it was the day of the date and remus had been up since 4 am. he couldn't stop thinking about your date. however bad he hoped it would go, he didn't want your first date experience to be horrible. he wanted you to be treated how you deserve and to have a lovely time while also never ever wanting to see the fool again. and that is why he had woken up at 4 in the morning and couldn't stop the fight in his mind.

it was 11:30am and he was laying on the couch in the common room, one foot on the ground tapping constantly. the boys had decided to stay in this morning because james was worried they'd run into you and that sirius would end up embarrassing you and ruin your date.

"moony, if you don't stop tapping your foot, i'm going to lose my mind." sirius grunted, head in his hands covering his ears from the tapping noise.

"she should be done with her date now, right? its been 2 hours. why isn't she back yet?" remus asked.

"relax you love sick dog. your precious wife will be returned soon." sirius replied dramatically, rolling his eyes at how abserd this whole situation was. "if you had only confessed your love for her when you had the chance, she wouldn't be snogging another fella while you fumed the whole time." he added. remus shot upright on the couch with a wide eyed expression and a look of dread covering his features.

"here she comes!" peter shouted, holding the marauder's map in his hands, walking into the common room where the other boys were. all of their heads turned towards the portrait hole where it swung open and you stepped through.

you were excited to tell the boys all about it, but you weren't quite expecting them to all be staring at you when you got back.

"well, hi." you said, cheeks flushing more than they already were, glancing towards the floor to not meet their eyes. you sat down on the couch next to remus like normal, not sensing the tension in his body, only feeling their eyes on you.

"WELL??? i need all the details. spill your guts flea!" sirius cried across from you.

"it was okay! it wasn't bad! but it also wasn't great. like it was pleasant but it wasn't anything to write home about. is that good? like are you supposed to know if you want to marry him already?" you rambled, entire face flushing and not meeting their eyes.

"aw, hoppers. i'm sorry it didn't go well." james consoled you.

"what do you mean?" you asked, confused why he sounded sad for you.

"well, it didn't sound like there was any chemistry, that's important if you're gonna date someone." james explained.

"flea, i know it's your first date ever, but even i thought you'd know that." sirius shrugged. at the mention of it being your first date, you tensed and shot a look a remus, hurt that he spilled a secret to the boys. remus met your gaze with a look of panic.

"that wasn't me! i swear it! i didn't tell them!" he yelled.

"oh he didn't tell us, but the way you were acting before was kind of obvious and the fact that remus would've known that you were dating someone before you were part of our group and you certainly haven't since we've been friends because of remus' behavior." sirius explained, you relaxed and reached to touch remus' leg.

"sorry for thinking that you told them when you didn't ." you apologized and remus nodded back.

"its fine bun, i'm not hurt." he said, covering your hand with his.

"so hoppers, did you snog him?" sirius asked crudely. your cheeks flushed bright red.

"that is none of your business sirius! and a lady never kisses and tells!" you exclaim, avoiding all their eyes. "i told him that it would be best if we were friends, and he agreed. i don't think dating is for me, i just got so anxious before! and the thought of having to go on another date, just makes me nauseous." you say, leaning onto remus' shoulder and resting your head.

"thats okay, bun. you don't have to date if you don't want to." remus patted your thigh, his heart soaring that he won't have to go through this again. he knew he'd have to tell you that he liked you soon, the thought of you with someone else almost killed him.

"thanks rem." you mumbled back, sinking deeper into his side.

sirius observes this going on, looking to james and mouthing, 'are they fucking idiots??'

james simply rolled his eyes in response.

#remus lupin x reader fluff #remus x reader #remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin fluff #remus x reader fluff #marauders x reader #the marauders #marauders era #marauders

488 notes · View notes

foli-vora · 2 years ago

Text

without you

matt murdock x f!reader

A/N: made myself hurt with this one tbh. I'll think about a part 2 if enough are interested, but I'll warn you - it won't be a happy ending lmao. Enjoy the angst-fest loves! x

Summary: You return after the 'blip'. Five years is a long time, and a lot of things can happen in that time.

Word count: 2.1kish

Warnings: ANGST. ANGST ANGST ANGST. i got sad af writing this. i don't even know what to put in the warnings. the events of infinity war & endgame, brief mention of the avengers, severe and utter fucking heartbreak, i would lose my fucking mind coming home after an apparent 5 years and finding the love of my life *******, lots of anxiety/panic, severe panic attack, passing out. no hate to karen here - she's a fucking babe.

It happens within a blink.

One moment there’s no one, and the next, an older woman is suddenly standing in your way and you can’t help the brief twitch of annoyance that she’s there. You have a meeting, you have groceries to get… you can’t just play chicken with a stranger on the pavement all afternoon.

She freezes, like many others you notice, and your frown deepens, confusion starting to take over the irritation. They all look at you, but not just you.

Time seemingly comes to a momentary freeze and you just don’t understand. Why is she looking at you like that?

The next minute—panic.

There’s a rush.

People scramble for their phones, they run. Cars swerve and there’s chaos. There are people crying, people start screaming, but there’s also awe, laughter. People embrace strangers. You know they’re strangers by the way they look around in complete bewilderment in the arms of the other, seemingly just as confused as you.

Five years.

Why do you keep hearing ‘five years’? Why are shop fronts different? What the hell has happened?

“You’re… you’re all back,” the woman utters, tears starting to build along her lash line.

Back?

You feel it in the pit of your stomach, a sick feeling of dread slowly building until it feels like it sticks uncomfortably in your throat. Something happened. You don’t know what, you don’t know how, all you know is that you need to go home immediately.

It’s halfway back to the apartment, after passing things that weren’t there previously, shops that you had passed just hours before now different, and your phone simply refusing to connect for unknown reasons, that you break into a panicked run.

You want home, you want somewhere familiar.

Matt left for work the same time as you—would the new mayhem taking over the streets bring him home to you? Maybe he’d already be waiting, sensing the frenzy before you?

The view of your building is a welcome relief, and you slow as you reach the door, heart pounding in your chest as you take the stairs as quickly as possible. The apartment is unlocked, and you berate yourself for forgetting to lock up earlier, but Matt’s cane resting by the door turns your inward irritation to understanding.

He’s home. He got here before you. He must be waiting, maybe he’d have answers—

“Matty?” you call, “do you have any idea what’s—”

A clatter, a sweep of air, and then he’s on you.

He’s curled around you before you can even finish, his arms so tight and constricting you struggle to take in a full breath. He’s talking, muttering incoherent words into the skin of your throat and all you can do is stand there, mind whirling in a maddening rush, not even able to lift your arms to return his embrace due to his restrictive hold.

“You’re here,” he breathes, almost disbelieving, “you’re here. I didn’t want to have hope but—God, I—”

“Matt, I’m so confused,” you breathe, unsure of why tears are starting to gloss your eyes or why your heart suddenly feels like it’s beating in the back of your throat, “what’s going on? It’s crazy out there, I don’t know wh—”

“I know. I know, sweetheart. I’ve missed you. God, I’ve missed you. It’s been so long, I didn’t think I’d ever—” he trails off, unable to finish his sentence and a few more panicked kisses press into the side of your throat.

He’s crying.

You feel the wetness of his tears smear over your skin and it’s enough to bring your own falling heavily from your eyes. What is he talking about? You saw him this morning, only mere hours ago. You made breakfast, you kissed him goodbye like every other day, nothing had been different.

“Matt,” you whimper, “what the hell is going on?”

—

Five years. You were gone for five years. Just one day—poof. Out of existence, never to be seen again. The city had been clouded by dust, remnants of those also taken disappearing with the autumn breeze. So many people just lost. You don’t remember any of it.

There was no pain, no suffering. You had no recollection of the time lost at all, and yet for Matt it had been years.

Years since he had touched you, kissed you, felt you. He tells you that he looked for you for weeks, months. Even went to the damn Avengers—or what was left of them—and found out what had happened. He’d been distraught, falling into a deep, dark pit of despair and heartbreak from the sudden loss of you.

You cry for him, for the time you’d lost together.

Nothing could ever make up for it. Sure, you’re here now, but could you ever truly make up for the loss of time? What had he gone through during your absence?

The two of you don’t part for what feels like hours.

Matt clings to you, inhaling you deeply and kissing whatever inch of skin he could reach. He doesn’t pull away to answer your questions, instead letting the low rumble of his voice melt through the fabric of your shirt and flooding warmth along your shoulder.

His hands still roam over you, almost as if they’re retracing your dips and curves to remind himself of how you felt when you disappeared five years ago. You catch his fingers with a sweet flutter in your chest, lifting his hand to press a tender kiss to the back of it when the smooth feel of metal catches your attention.

It’s a simple gold band, fit snug around the fourth finger of his left hand and you rub your finger over the shiny surface of it in curiosity. He wasn't wearing a ring this morning...

A ring.

A wedding ring.

You feel sick.

He senses the moment you realise it, picking up on the sudden quicken of your heartbeat and the clammy sting of sweat that builds along the back of your neck.

His tongue darts out to moisten his lips as you stare at the smooth gold band in shock, feeling as if the room had suddenly gotten ten times smaller. He starts to shift, his fingers quickly flipping to wrap around your wrists to keep you from moving away.

“Let me explain—”

“You… are—are you married?”

“Sweetheart, please—”

You hurriedly stand, wrenching your hands from his and stumbling on your quick step back as he advances after you. He’s married? How can he be married?

Maybe he’s not. Maybe he just slid the ring you both picked out onto his finger when you disappeared in an effort to keep your memory fresh… but with the shine of guilt starting to seep into his features, you fear it’s not as sentimental as you hope.

Panic consumes you. Your eyes flitter around the room, your ears filling with a dull ring that drowns out whatever words fall from his lips as he cautiously steps after you.

It’s your apartment, but it’s… it’s not.

You start to notice the little things you had missed upon coming home so quickly. That throw over the back of the couch isn’t yours. The coffee mug next to Matt’s on the kitchen counter isn’t yours. Your trinkets aren’t lingering on the shelves where you’d placed them. Your shoes aren’t thrown by the door. Your photo with Matt isn’t in its usual spot on the wall.

Instead, another picture hangs there.

Bile burns the back of your throat. Your heart thunders away in your ears. You know what it is, you can see the general feel of it and who stands within the frame through blurry eyes, but you simply can’t accept it.

It’s morbid curiosity that makes you take those few steps towards it, a part of you screaming to not look, to turn away before it really hammers that final nail into the coffin and fucking destroys you. Maybe your mind needs to truly see it in order to make sense of it… but no. It only makes you more confused, more distressed.

What the fuck?

Oxygen is impossible. You can’t fucking breathe. You can’t—

“Sweetheart—”

It’s a wedding photo.

Matt’s wedding photo.

Matt and Karen’s wedding photo.

“Oh my god,” you whimper brokenly, clutching a hand to your chest in an effort to keep yourself together. You press where you feel the rapid beat of your heart, half wondering if you’d be able to feel the break of the frantic organ under your palm.

The room starts to spin.

This morning you’d woken up with an apartment and a fiancé, and now, only a few hours later, you have nothing. How can you have nothing? The apartment is home to you—you left your pyjamas on the floor of the bathroom this morning. You had your coffee at the counter. The love you feel for Matt is present as it always had been, there in the centre of your entire being, so sweet and consuming and yet, his love for you had seemingly vanished.

Disintegrated, along with your body apparently five years ago. Maybe with a clearer head, you’d come to understand that five years is a long time and it’s understandable that he had to move on at some point, but in the moment you feel nothing but hurt—rage.

Matt’s hands are frantic on your body, grabbing at your arms and keeping you from falling to the floor as a sob tears its way out of your chest. You can hear him try to soothe you, hear his worry that your heart is erratic and you just need to breathe.

Breathe, sweetheart—please, breathe.

You can’t. You simply can’t.

Oxygen isn’t coming as easily as it should. Your lungs burn. You’re shaking, unable to stop the tremble taking over your body as you choke on your tears. They burn your skin, painting your cheeks with the bitterness of your heartbreak and they just won’t stop.

He supports you as you sink towards the floor, legs no longer having the strength to hold you up. He goes down with you, hands cradling your head to his chest and you can’t find it in you to push him away and escape his touch.

It’s Matt. Your Matt.

You shouldn’t want to shrug him off. You shouldn’t feel guilty at his touch. He’s your Matt, has been for the eighteen months you’ve been together. It was meant to be you in that frame, swimming in white with a smile stretched along your lips, Matt dressed to the nines in an immaculate tux and his ever present red shades beside you.

But it’s not. It’s… it’s Karen.

It’s not you, there’s no trace of you anywhere to be seen. Had you been that forgettable? Foggy’s there, Marci a step behind holding a beautiful little girl with ribbons in her hair. They had a baby? You’ve missed so much.

You start weeping for the life you’d missed out on, for the chances and opportunities of growing older with them and the sweet potential you had had with Matt.

Gone.

All of it, just—gone.

Where would you be now had your soul not been chosen? Married? Promoted? A godmother to the sweet little angel cradled in Marci’s arms?

“Sweetheart, come back to me,” Matt’s voice cuts through your despair, low and soft in your ear and you cling to him tighter, “breathe. I’ve got you, I’m here.”

“I-I’ve lost so much,” you choke out, hiding your tear stricken face in his throat and desperately trying to get ahold of your body jerking with each difficult inhale and broken exhale, “and I didn’t even know—”

You didn’t know. You didn’t know anything when you apparently ‘returned’. It’s all so haunting and overwhelming and so fucking confusing.

He stills smells the same, feels the same, despite all these years. You cling to him, desperate for comfort in the moment of your utter heartbreak, but it doesn’t work like it used to and that only makes your pain increase tenfold. His hold feels wrong now. His hold isn’t for you anymore. He has a wife.

You still don’t understand. You can’t comprehend the fact that he’s married, that the arms that hold you are now meant for someone else. They were yours this morning. It’s not possible. You had him this morning; you felt him this morning, you kissed him—

“Sweetheart,” he’s urgent now, manoeuvring you in his hold until you sit in front of him, your back pressed up against his chest and his arms tight around your torso, “breathe with me. Feel my chest, listen to me and follow—in… and out. Come on—”

You pay attention to the exaggerated feel of him breathing against your back, focusing on every expansion of his chest and attempting to match the pace of your inhales. It doesn’t work. Your heart still thunders away against your ribs, your mind still runs fucking wild, and your eyes threaten to roll back from the rush of it all.

“Stay with me,” he begs, but his voice starts to sink to the back of your mind, taken over by the high pitched ring sounding in your ears.

It’s not long until black fully engulfs your vision, and Matt’s voice calling your name is the last thing you hear, frantic and terrified. Maybe you'll find peace in the darkness.

matty tags: @javier-pena, @dihra-vesa, @a-reader-and-a-writer, @radiowallet, @januarystears, @danidrabbles, @amneris21, @acourtofsnakes, @mstgsmy66, @evyiione, @stardust-galaxies, @kelseyxyeslek, @greeneyedblondie44, @you-got-me-starry-eyed, @withasideofmeg, @mad-girl-without-a-box, @fangirl-316, @xoxabs88xox, @federleichtefreiheit, @lavenderluna10, @mindidjarin. @stardustingold, @androah, @itwasthereaminuteago, @wildmoonflower, @naughtynecromancer, @h-hxgirl, @Unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men, @juletheghoul, @punkerthanpascal, @itswanktime, @omlwhatamidoinghere, @celestinemuse, @chaoticemz, @alexxavicry, @mylifeispainandiloveit, @cran-berry-vodka, @nishi-reads, @mandocrasis, @lawfulgranola, @ew-erin, @fuckoffbard, @spaceserialkiller, @captain-jebi

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x f!reader #matt murdock x you #matt murdock #matt murdock imagine #matt murdock angst #daredevil fanfiction #marvel fanfiction

2K notes · View notes

urgonnaneedabiggership · 2 years ago

Text

And All The Fears You Hold So Dear

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara (Spiderman: Across The Spiderverse) x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Language. Angst. Unplanned Pregnancy. Mild violence. Also there's like a smidge of nsfw talk there but thought I'd let you know beforehand just in case.

Word count: 4.3K

A/N: Part Three and Final Installment of something that started as a one-shot and somehow escalated into this¿¿

I just want to thank you for all your very kind comments and let you know that I got a couple requests that I'll be working on, so this might not be the last you see of me. Ily <3

also i cried so much writing this now you have to suffer like i did. xo

Right after the tears finally stopped coming, the emotional exhaustion translated into an intense weariness that made you collapse on the sofa. That hour spent out of consciousness was a blissful interlude in the pain that had your chest hurting and leaving you unable to breathe. You’d once read somewhere that there was something called “phantom limb syndrome” in which people could feel pain in an amputated hand, arm, or leg. When you woke up, you looked out at the now dark sky and thought of giving Miguel a call to tell him about what an awful day you were having until the memories came back like a harrowing tsunami that had you tearing up when you wondered for how long you’d have to keep reminding yourself that he wasn’t there anymore. This time, however, you became angry. And oddly self-assured.

You didn’t need him. You’d given him a choice, and if a sad, pitiful, lonely life was what he wanted, then good riddance. His loss.

You could do this. Jessica’s pregnancy hadn’t stopped her after all. Sure, it would be challenging but there were mothers out there who took care of one or more children and balanced several jobs didn’t they? So what if you moonlighted as a vigilante whose life was on the line every day? What if you’d have to spend the rest of your life protecting him or her from the bunch of fairly dangerous enemies you’d made in the past months?

Or maybe you didn’t have to.

Your eyes wandered off to your suit which you’d mindlessly thrown on the floor the second you’d arrived home, scrutinizing the details and the care that you’d put into creating it. You wondered what it would look like inside a box, hidden in the back of the closet for years, or until your kid stumbled upon it and asked about mommy’s dutifully hidden past.

An obnoxious beeping sound coming from between the cushions snapped you out of your fantasy as you fished your watch. You hadn’t even realized you’d taken it with you and now it was issuing a warning concerning an anomaly with an amazing timing that had decided to pop into your dimension.

Placing a hand on your stomach, you looked out of the window and doubtfully pressed your lips together.

“Shit. Please, let it be a Vulture that’s literally a vulture, please,” you pleaded with whatever deity chose to listen to you as you picked up your suit and rushed to the bathroom, mindlessly throwing the test into the trash can before pulling the mask over your head.

Unfortunately, you didn’t arrive at the location to find a confused scavenging bird flapping around. You weren’t even sure of what you’d been sent to capture. At the scene, several police cars had formed a barricade outside of an empty warehouse and seemed to be lying in wait, aiming at the door with their guns. Good. That meant you could get in there and set things straight with the unwanted visitor before anybody got hurt.

You stealthily made your way from a nearby ledge to the roof, finding your way in through a broken skylight and landing on top of a pile of metallic crates solid enough to hold your weight but making your entrance noisier than you would’ve liked.

Whatever you were looking for, it was nowhere to be seen. The warehouse was in such darkness that, if it wasn’t for the night-vision lenses Miguel had fitted into your mask, you wouldn’t be able to see further than your own nose. They had come in pretty handy, and you couldn’t believe you’d been so opposed to getting them.

“(Y/N) it’s just one small modification, give me one reason not to.”

“Because you’ve already done too much!”

“Oh come on, it will take me what? Twenty minutes?”

“No, I don’t mean it like that. I mean you’ve done too much to my suit, Miguel. First, the emergency parachute, next the spine and nape reinforcements, then you literally said ‘You know what? How about we just redo the whole thing with fireproof fabric?’ and now another modification?”

“He added memory foam insoles too, said you wouldn’t notice, I’m with you on this one” Lyla chimed in.

You pressed your lips together to fight back a satisfied smile while Miguel glared daggers at the AI assistant, who refused to back down.

“She still remembers please and thank you, alright?”

“Lyla, will you please go check if there’s a faulty connection or a leaky pipe somewhere? Thank you.”

After throwing a sickly sweet smile his way, she vanished.

“Alright then,” Miguel continued arguing, “I’m sorry for offering to install state-of-the-art, potentially lifesaving enhancements to your suit. What was I thinking, not wanting my girlfriend to die?”

He lifted his hands in defeat and retreated to the other side of the room, minimizing the digital blueprints of the new glasses.

“And for the record,” He continued, “I didn’t do all the work for your new suit, you designed it, remember? I had no idea of what a ‘basque waistline’ was,”

When he finished talking, he was surprised to hear absolutely nothing coming from your side. Furrowing his eyebrows, he turned to see you still leaning against the metallic table on top of which your suit rested. You were staring at him with a surprised expression that only baffled him further when he noticed the bright blush spreading around your cheeks and down to your neck. Then it dawned on him.

“Oh shit, I’ve never called you that before, have I?”

“No, you haven’t,”

Of course, that small window of vulnerability was all he needed.

“Please let me put the lenses on your suit?”

What he didn’t know was that you can see both ways through a window. When he earnestly pleaded with you to let him install the stupid attachment, his true motives were as clear as if you’d heard them straight from his mouth.

Last time I wasn’t careful enough. I didn’t plan ahead. If something happens to you and I have the slightest notion that I didn’t do absolutely everything in my power to keep you safe…please. Do this for me, would you? For my own, selfish peace of mind?

And he’d been right. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw something dart from behind one container to the next one.

“I see you,” You announced, rolling your shoulders as your Spider-Sense began acting up, “Listen, you’re probably feeling confused right now and if you come out we could…”

You couldn’t even finish the sentence as something heavy and cold tackled you onto the ground. Instinctively, you rolled over just in time for something sharp the size of a harpoon to stab the ground next to your head strong enough to pierce the concrete. Without wasting one more second, you jumped on top of a container to take a better look at whatever the hell that was just to find that same spot completely empty. Whatever it was, it was fast. Wincing at the sharp pain in your shoulder, you reminded yourself you had to be more careful and avoid taking strong hits like that.

However, you couldn’t afford to be distracted right now. And, as if to affirm that thought as quickly as it came, your sense warned you of something coming at you from behind. Before it could take you by surprise again, you swiftly moved out of the way and shot webs twice to try and pin it down so you could at least take a good look at what you were up against.

“What in the…?” You gasped as you stared at what you’d captured. Before you, a 20-foot-long pale yellow scorpion furiously trashed about as it tried to free itself from your webs. Not even five seconds after you spotted it, the critter broke free of its restraints and disappeared behind another container. Well, reasoning and trying to bring him in peacefully wasn’t going to work with this one. For now, you knew that it was going to try and keep attacking you, so the best you could do for now was to keep an eye on him before he could plunge that hideous stinger through your forehead. Especially since the little shit was remarkably fast. What was that thing Miguel always told you to do?

“No, remember. You’ve got to think further, think two steps ahead,”

“You know, Miguel, repeating that a million times isn’t going to suddenly give me the ability to see ten seconds into the future,” you muttered, taking the hand he reached out to help you get up. With a wince, you placed a hand on your shoulder and rolled it until it popped.

“It’s not about seeing into the future, (Y/N), it’s about finding unprotected spots and patterns,”

“How come outside I’m love, gorgeous or mi chiquita preciosa de ojitos bonitos, but the minute we’re in here I’m back to being (Y/N),”

“First of all, that last one never happened, we agreed on it, I was in…a vulnerable…”

“You were drunk, you can say it, I won’t tell,”

He glared at you in a way you knew meant ‘won’t you?’. Hopefully, he’d never find out you’d told Peter every last detail of his drunken silliness as soon as you had the chance.

“Second of all, here you’re just like anybody else. You mean nothing to me and I mean nothing to you because that’s how the attackers are going to see you, as an obstacle to get out of the way. Now focus. I’m going to attack you again,”

While knowing beforehand he was going to come at you gave you some advantage, you managed to block the blow he launched at your head. Before he could try again, you noticed his next attempt at an attack was leaving his legs completely exposed. Then, you did what Jess had taught you to do whenever you faced somebody taller than you: go for the knees. You crouched and, with a classic foot sweep, managed to make him lose his balance just enough for you to hook your legs on either side of his and take him down.

You were so tired you couldn’t even gloat properly, instead settling for smiling to yourself and releasing a short, triumphant, ‘ha!’ with your last breath before crawling over to him and sitting next to his lying body.

“You know, if I’m supposed to think two movements ahead,” You say, a beckoning look in your eyes, “I think it’s safe to predict you’re going tell me that there’s nothing more you can teach me, and then carry me to your quarters to do absolutely unspeakable things to me,”

Honestly, it had been stupid of you to think he would give up that easily. Not even two seconds later, it was your back that was pressed against the floor as his large frame covered you, and his hand held your wrists on top of your head. Then he leaned in, painfully slowly, until he was close enough for you to feel the heat that radiated from his skin, a low chuckle left his throat.

“Chula, you don’t know half of all the things I can teach you. But this isn’t the place for most of them. Let’s get moving.”

Thankfully, you forced your brain to focus on the matter at hand before it could replay the entire memory.

Two steps ahead (Y/N), come on.

That thing always attacked with the stinger first. Then it would probably try to immobilize you with its pincers. Quickly tracing a plan inside your head, you started to roam the dark warehouse looking for the missing critter, your spider-sense as sharp as ever as you looked behind every crate and container only to find nothing. Maybe it had left the building without you noticing? Outside, the police still remained alert and in wait. There was no way it could have left without being seen.

Fine. If you couldn’t find him, then he could come and find you. Making your way to the center of the empty space, you remained perfectly still and waited for your sense to tell you where the beast was coming from. The wait was short-lived as you felt a sharp wave of shivers running down your right arm, your entire body shifting to face that side just in time to shoot enough web to completely wrap the entire stinger and leave enough web for you to jump and throw over a beam, leaving the scorpion hanging upside down while aggressively pinching the air around him with its pincers. Unwilling to take any risks, you covered them as well. You had to stand there and catch your breath for a few seconds before looking over to your watch to report you’d successfully captured the anomaly. Only then you had the chance to see that you had several missing calls from Peter.

“(Y/N)?” Peter asked when the call went in almost immediately, “Where have you been? I tried calling but you didn’t answer,”

“Yeah, sorry for going AWOL. I’ve been…busy. I caught something back here. I just reported it,” Behind you, you could hear the scorpion still struggling to free itself, “It’s an ugly one, Mayday’s going to love it.”

“(Y/N), listen, I think you should come back here. You and Miguel should try to talk…”

“P.B., I love you but I really don’t want to talk about that right now. Okay? How about you come over here and help me drag this feisty little shit back to the HQ so we can send it home? You won’t believe it; it has to weigh at least…”

When you turned around to proudly stare at your prisoner, you were met with nothing but a lone stinger, eerily dangling from the ceiling. Your proud smile faded as quickly as it had arrived. Before you could open your eyes to say anything else, you found yourself trapped between two cold surfaces that painfully squeezed all the air out of your lungs as you let out a painful yell. You desperately grabbed each side of the pincer, trying to pry them open to release yourself to no avail. With your brain already starting to run low on oxygen, your strength began to fade. You heard Peter questioningly say your name from the device still attached to your wrist, but he sounded as if you’d been submerged underwater. And his voice sounded as if it was further, and further away. You were falling into a deep and dark lake, air deprived and without enough strength to swim to the surface. So you let yourself sink further, close your eyes and let darkness engulf you as you keep going down.

You’d wondered once or twice what would come after life. Since there was no way for you to be certain about anything, you decided to believe what sounded the most comforting. You would wake up in a beautiful place, full of light, that smelled like freshly baked cookies all the time because you would be sitting at a kitchen table with all the people that you lost along the way, and it was time for all of you to have cookies with whatever you wanted to drink, maybe you just hung out in silence, or you would discuss all the wisdom that the act of passing away seemed to come with…the point was that in no scenario did heaven smell like antiseptic.

This discrepancy was what made you start slowly blinking as you furrowed your eyebrows, the intense white light surrounding you making your head spin. Eventually, you were able to discern some shadows that slowly morphed into a familiar face.

“Hey, welcome back,” Jessica gently greeted you from a chair in the corner of the room. The hospital room. Like they’d done hours before when you woke up from your nap, a new wave of unpleasant memories came crashing down once more as you tried to sit up with a worried expression.

“Is…are we both okay?” It wasn’t until you tried to ask that you noticed a certain reluctance at saying the word.

“Yes, don’t worry,” Jess immediately assured you. Then why did she look so troubled?

“Why didn’t you say anything?” She asked, rolling her chair closer and grabbing your hand gently, “Honey, of all people you know I would’ve understood,”

“Jess, I’m so scared,” Was all you came up with before shutting your eyes and clamping your lips together to keep the sobs inside, tears already beginning to fall from your cheeks, “This wasn’t supposed to happen, I don’t know how I’m going to handle this, how am I supposed to do this if I can’t even take down a lousy scorpion without getting myself killed?”

With a reassuring smile, the woman tried to hug you as much as her pregnancy allowed her, comfortingly running one hand down your hair and rubbing your back with the other.

“See? You’re great at this already and your kid isn’t even here,” You sobbed against her shoulder, too exhausted to return the embrace.

“What makes you think you won’t be?” She asked, pulling away to give you some space and much-needed room to breathe.

And you knew the exact reason. It came to you so fast and with such clarity that it scared you. But maybe she would understand that too. However, right as you opened your mouth to speak, a soft click coming from the door interrupted you right before it opened, leaving you completely exposed to the thorough, scrutinizing look of the man that hours ago you thought you’d never lay eyes on again.

You turned at Jess, hoping she’d create an excuse for him to leave you alone. You weren’t done talking to her. You desperately wanted her to stay. However, she’d already turned to look at him and left her chair.

“I’ll give you a moment,” She said and, after gently caressing your shoulder one last time, left the room.

And then there were two.

For the life of you, you couldn’t think of one single thing to say, much less anticipate what his next move would be. Yet, your eyes never left his. Your jaw hurt from how hard you had to clench it to keep yourself from bursting into tears again. Fuck, could the hormones be acting up already? Right when you were starting to wonder if, should neither of you say something, you would just stay there in this staring contest until the end of time, Miguel spoke.

“How long have you known?”

“A day. Or so.” You blurted out so quickly that he wasn’t done speaking when you replied. It wasn’t until his eyes left yours and wandered down that you realized you’d been clutching your pale blue gown the entire time. As you slowly let go of it, you realized your hands were shaking.

“And you didn’t say anything?” He asked again, his voice turning one octave higher right in the middle of the question.

“Well, I found out not so long ago, and immediately after I was called here to help so I thought we had bigger problems and this could wait. But then you said we had been a mistake all along so I imagined I was on my own for this one. And I think that pretty much covers it.”

Silently, he took a seat on the chair next to the hospital bed.

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” He replied, not looking at you but at an empty spot on the wall, “Back there, when I realized you were gone something didn’t make sense. You’ve pushed back much harder for less important things and now you just turned around and left? And with this, it makes even less sense. Even out of spite, you would’ve told me before leaving.”

You hated how well he knew you, and how right he was. And how what he said didn’t make you angry, but instead make you confront the harrowing confession you’d left unfinished before he walked in.

“What if you were right?” You asked taking a deep, shaky breath, “I didn’t intend for this to happen, you know? It just did. What we had was manageable because at least it was just between us, no third parties affected, if anything went wrong with the timeline and such we could call it off and that was that. But now there was something tangible real coming out of this and I panicked because what if it messed everything up? What if we’d made a mistake? But I just didn’t want to think about it until you sort of confirmed it,”

You weren’t going to cry. You refused to cry in front of him while having this conversation. You tried to focus on anything else to cope with his seemingly endless silence, anything but his slouching shape next to you. The soft fabric of your sheets, or the faint whirring of the monitor next to you displaying your vitals. Now you focused on your breaths. Long, deep breaths.

“So,” He finally spoke in a hoarse voice you were sure you’d never heard before, and you were so taken aback by it that you turned to look at him before you could stop yourself to find a strange, oddly endearing sight. He was crying. Well, maybe that was a bit of a stretch but there were definitely tears in his eyes and even if he was better at hiding it, you were sure he was struggling to keep them confined there as much as you were. Suddenly self-aware of the change in his voice, he cleared his throat before continuing.

“So, we’re having a baby?”

He sounded so expectant, and yet so afraid of the answer. He was absolutely terrified. You could see it in his eyes. This man, who faced life-risking challenges every day and had seen enough for several lifetimes, had never seemed so frightened. The thought, for some reason, made you laugh as you shuddered when you released a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Seems like it,” came the reply in such a croaky voice that it left you no choice but to laugh a little bit more.

This time he laughed too, although you could barely catch a glimpse of his smile before being engulfed in a hug that made you wish you weren’t in such a state so you could pull him as close to you as you really wanted. Instead, you settled for resting your forehead against his shoulder as he pulled away enough to plant several small and warm kisses on your temple.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, “God, I swear I didn’t mean one single word. Whatever happens next, we’ll deal with it as it comes, I don’t care, right now all I know is none of this would’ve been worth it if it hadn’t brought me here to you,”

“Hey, don’t get sentimental on me, O’Hara,” you jokingly said, pulling away to be able to look into his eyes, “We’re going to be just fine,”

“I won’t if you keep doing stupid shit like this, (Y/N), ¿qué carajos te pasa? ‘we’re going to be just fine’ Claro, si por tu culpa no me da un infarto primero,“ He scolded you, leaving his seat, “You know you’re benched, right? You’re staying right here, where I can keep an eye on you and make sure you stay out of trouble,”

“What about my dimension? There are plenty of non-interdimensional criminals there desperate to be caught,” You complained.

“Well, I’m afraid the NYPD’s going to have to figure it out for themselves for the next few months. Might even teach them to appreciate you a little more.”

“And if there’s another anomaly?”

“Dios mío, mujer,” He impatiently argued back, “I’ll go then. Or we’ll send somebody else. You’re staying here. Period.”

“Fine,” You huffed, not pleased at all with the order despite knowing you’d been very lucky this time, “But just for three months,”

“Six,” He stubbornly insisted.

“Five, but Peter’s going to be the godfather and you have to tell him.”

A disgruntled sigh echoes throughout the room.

“Fine,”

Taglist: @anywherebuthere @khaleesihavilliard @spookyboogyuniverse @sunshiines-stuff @letharue @withbeautyandrage

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel o'hara fic #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x female reader #spiderman across the spiderverse #marvel imagine #marvel fanfiction #spiderman 2099 #spiderman atsv #across the spiderverse #atsv #angst #female reader #reader insert #Spotify

831 notes · View notes

chloeangelic · 1 year ago

Text

addressing the drama (with receipts)

I wanted to have my ducks in a row before speaking out instead of just responding; I’m not doing this to change anyone’s opinions - it’s really not possible change someone’s perception of me even if it’s based on falsehoods - but I need to do this so I know I’ve said and shown what needs to be shown, and people can do with it what they please.

To the readers and writers who have blocked me, unfollowed me, and mutuals who have stopped talking to me over this - I’m really, really sad you didn’t come to me first and give me the opportunity to explain what was going on. I understand if you wanted to distance yourself from drama but I also need you to understand that this was not discourse-drama I willingly got myself into. This was a month of frequent harassment and slander that eventually turned into bullying by a group of people using false info, hiding behind side blogs and anons, and I hoped it would blow over but it never seemed to stop. With anons turned off for most of the last two months, people have gone to my friends’ inboxes instead to harass them about me (and insult them in the process), and I can’t do this anymore.

I feel so alienated and disliked in this community that I can’t go on the dash without feeling like I shouldn’t interact with anyone out of fear that they’ll get uncomfortable seeing me in their notifs. People keep saying they want the community to get better and then they jump on the bandwagon of vague posting and RBing without taking a second to verify the claims, clearly not realizing how much hurt it causes to perpetuate it. If you’re reading this, I hope your name isn't the next one they pull out of the hat when they want someone new to push off the platform.

Explanations, timelines and receipts below.

For anyone waiting for an explanation regarding the posts and anons about me that have circulated for weeks, or waiting for receipts proving or disproving that I’m a mean girl who spends my time talking shit, here you go. I am so beyond hurt, I don’t even know what to say. I’m floored, I’m so disappointed in this community and I’m so sad. In the last two weeks, I stayed up until 4am one night receiving screenshots of posts and anons about me, I cried, I tried to understand why this has happened to me, and I have sat here day after day with no answers.

If you think I’m being melodramatic, try losing a quarter of your mutuals and having a bunch of people block you when you’ve had either no interaction with them or they’ve all been positive, and see how that feels, on top of constant rumors about you being a terrible person when you know you’ve barely had any negative interactions with anyone on the platform. I can’t be on tumblr any longer without exonerating myself and putting it out there that all of this has been one gigantic mess based on lies about me, seemingly compounded by grievances people have against Gracie (some one whose personal conversations have nothing to do with me). Either I do this, or I log out forever and only post on ao3, cause I feel like the fucking grim reaper here. Posts about me being an awful person are still circulating, despite the original post being deleted and the follow up stating that the OP has talked to me and they have apologized.

I’m not naming names in this. I will be using person A/B/C/D to make it less confusing. I’ve removed identifying information from the screenshots because even though I’m hurt by these people, I know that they will get dogpiled and harassed if I identify them, and I want it all to stop. Several have apologized to me and I have accepted.

Sometime in December, rumors started circulating that there was a “big/elite writers discord” where they talked shit about small writers (I’m not in any discords specifically for writers and I have never heard of such a server). At about the same time, person A - someone who was very active in my own, now-deleted discord server, started frequently vagueposting about me, calling me a mean girl and, intentionally or not, made it seem like I was part of this “elite group of writers”. This is someone who I have never had a negative interaction with and who seemingly out of nowhere decided that I call myself elite and I’m a terrible person.

Person B had some grievances with myself, Iris, and Gracie it seemed, so they went to person C and accused us of talking shit in our voice chats. I assume person A and B have talked about me at some point and validated each other’s claims, but I can't know that for sure. Person B messaged me from a burner account and apologized, then seemingly deleted the account after I responded.

Gracie frequently posted about us three chatting, and although I understand this might have felt alienating to some, many writers are open about having group chats with each other. All we did was write, edit, and Gracie sometimes made memes. We talked about non-fic stuff often, and when Gracie had an issue with other writers and she was upset, we talked about it. That’s what friends do. She knows that I believe those situations were handled poorly. One of those situations came to light recently - I had a very pleasant conversation with the writer involved, and we are still in touch.

I have spoken to person C, who posted the most “popular” smear post about me and some of my friends. They retracted their statements and profusely apologized to us, admitting it was based on stuff they heard from person B, showing me screenshots of the conversation. However, their original posts are still circulating through reblogs despite being deleted from their account.

Person D also posted about me and my friends, however their post was sort of ridiculous, accusing me of spending more time replying to anons than writing. I found this funny, but the way they slut shamed my friend was absolutely not humorous, and dragging a random writer in to criticize them was a strange attempt at adding fuel to the fire.

And for the receipts,

I blocked person A after seeing a handful of vague posts clearly about me, and after they interacted with every single rude anon posted about me that I saw. I think that’s reasonable, no? I’m not gonna post screenshots of their posts cause I honestly just don’t want to look at them again, they make me feel kind of sick if I'm honest, but if anyone doesn’t believe me, they are welcome to DM me and I will send.

Person B messaged me, admitted to partaking in this mess, and apologized. This is part of a LONG message:

Person C apologized over message and called me on discord. We had a conversation clearing things up, they deleted their posts and wrote a public apology.

If you need any proof that person B’s claims were, in fact, baseless, look at this exchange between person B and person C after person C had cleared things up with me.

Person D honestly just creeps me out, cause what the fuck is this? Fine if you don’t like me based on my writing or my persona on here but… Why the witch hunt?

ETA: Person C asked person D to take down their post and they never responded. This was sent prior to that, I know the full context, I just thought this specific part was worth sharing to show how vile some people allow themselves to be behind burner accounts.

What kind of behavior is this? This was from a sideblog, and I don't know what their main account is. It creeps me the fuck out knowing this person is lurking somewhere in the community.

I have hated every moment of this. None of this has been fun for me. This has completely fucked up my motivation to write and my enjoyment of it, it has made me anxious, it has messed with my self esteem, and it has made me want to log out of Tumblr and not come back.

Please, I beg, if you have an issue with me, just come to me and I promise I will have a conversation with you. You can’t tell people’s tone over anon and I don’t think that’s a good way to have a conversation, especially one about something that should be solved in private, so they remain off, but my DM’s are open.

I'm so sick of seeing vagueposts and trying to decipher if they're about me. Having to do that a bunch of times messes with your head.

I'm not sure what to do moving forward, but I needed to say my piece. I don't want to talk about this again, I want to put this behind me. I seriously hope this doesn't wreck my last remaining want to share my writing on here.

Thanks again to everywhere who has supported me in my DMs and comments, you mean the world to me 🤍🤍🤍 And if you found yourself duped by all this but change your opinion on me now or eventually, I won't hold a grudge, and I'm happy to speak again and pick up where we left off.

241 notes · View notes

grimoireofhayley · 6 months ago

Text

Cheri Cheri Lady

ASTARION X FEMALE! READER

Inspired by the song Cheri Cheri Lady by Modern Talking

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: Astarion is falling for his newest companion and quick, though, he doesn’t have a clue on what to do and when she rejects him to be just friends and not lovers, he is thankful as he doesn’t want his trauma to burden their intimacy. However, hours pass then days and he can’t help but feel sad, hurt and confused. His thoughts all seem to linger to her, who she’s with, what she’s doing, WHO she’s possibly doing, it’s all too much for him, he wants her and only her. He loves her. And little does he know; she loves him just as much and is hurt by her own decision. Do they end up together in the end?

Read to find out~

A/n: Takes place during his first confession and will follow through to his other confessions (or not at all) Mainly done in third person, but will also include Astarion’s point of views, how he feels and etc.

Warnings: Will mention and include trauma, anxiety, hurt, angst, sadness/depression, there will be swearing, jealousy. It’s a friend to lovers' trope, slow burn, possessiveness, mentions of sex.

Oh, I cannot explain Every time it's the same Oh, I feel that it's real Take my heart

“Do you have a moment? I think we need to talk.” Astarion asks, his voice barely above a whisper as he looks at (Y/n), her iris’s staring into his own, waiting attentively.

Fuck, she’s beautiful.

“Are you alright?” She quirks a brow, tilting her head to the side, his silence weighing heavy in the air.

“Oh yes, I'm fine. I just-...feel...”

Astarion gulps, suddenly feeling helpless and scared, but mainly...

“Awful.” He admits, his face faltering.

(Y/n) only stared at him, motioning him to continue, now concerned for the vampling in front of her.

“Look, I had a plan. A nice, simple plan – seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you’d never turn on me...” He giggled nervously, but the pain in his face still shown. “It was easy – instinctive. Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in...” He frowned, trying to read your expression, but it proved to be difficult, you were stoic, not phased, as if you knew he was going to say this. “All you had to do was fall for it...”

Please, say something... Anything... Don’t let me make a fool of myself, especially in front of you.

She only continued to stare at Astarion, her arms still crossed.

His voice breaks enough to notice the sorrow in it, the dread of guilt he had felt, guilt he never truly felt before, but with (Y/n) it was different; he felt emotions he never knew he could feel again, emotions that all came crashing down at once, he didn’t know how to come to terms with it.

I've been lonely too long Oh, I can't be so strong Take the chance for romance Take my heart

“And all I had to do was not fall for you... which is where my nice, simple plan fell apart.”

She bit her lips, digging her nails into her flesh, leaving indents. She wasn’t sure what to feel, hatred and sadness for how he used her? Happiness because this is the rogue-elf she’s come to love so deeply and intensely?

She was overwhelmed, but dared not to show it.

“You-...” Astarion stuttered, “You’re incredible. You deserve something real; I want us to be something real.” He clasped his hands together, his palms sweaty out of nerves.

“So, the nights we spent together didn’t mean anything?” She mumbles, looking away, trying not to show the hurt that lingered.

He wanted to touch her, shake her even, but mainly tuck the loose strands of luscious (h/c) hair behind her ear and look into her eyes, letting the Drow-paladin know that it meant everything to him, but the flashbacks of the people he manipulated into sleeping with him... all for Cazador, came into clutch, keeping him from moving; keeping him from closing the gap between the two.

Astarion was quick to shake the question and thoughts from his head as he knew one thing and that’s what he wanted, and what he wanted was her.

“Of course they did – that's the problem! Or part of it...” His tone was soft, sincere even. His usual dramatic-sarcastic self, now tender and vulnerable.

Why is this so hard?

“Being close to someone – any kind of intimacy – was something I preformed to lure people back... for him.” Astarion glances at her before clearing his throat. “Even though I know things are different between us...”

(Y/n) frowns, but a glint of happiness sparkled in her (e/c) hues as she stares up at the pale elf in front of her.

“Being with someone feels...- tainted. It brings up those feelings of disgust and self-loathing.” He sighs, miserably. “I don’t know how else to be with someone, no matter how much I’d like to.”

Astarion moves closer, slowly grabbing her hand in his, though, hesitant, (Y/n) pulls back.

“Maybe what you really need is a friend, not a lover...” She trails, not meeting Astarions shocked gaze.

“You’re right, I think a friend is what I need and I’m glad it is you.”

I need you so There's no time I'll ever go

I stared at her from my campsite, watching as she mingled with the others; her hair down and cascading down her back, plump pink lips stretching into a smirk and a new sleep attire accentuating her curves.

She was breathtaking; possibly the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.

I bit my tongue, leaning back. I thought maybe a friend is what I needed, but now I find myself having sleepless nights in thoughts of her and how her body arched at the mere prick of my teeth; how she trembled and gravitated towards me, how we molded perfectly in sync, how the sound of my name cried from her lips shrouded me in bliss; how she would answer my sarcasm with her own witty remarks.

She was brilliant in more ways than one.

I regret ever agreeing to being just friends.

Cheri, cheri lady Goin' through a motion Love is where you find it Listen to your heart

“Astarion!” (Y/n) yells, startling the vampire spawn, “Watch out!” She screams, summoning all of her strength and pushing him out of the way as a fireball was hurdling into their direction.

He rolled at the impact, immediately getting up, and looking around.

“A trap...” He mumbled, flustered that he didn’t see it sooner; he was distracted by his thoughts; distracted by her.

“Tsk’va..” Lae’zel utters, gripping her longsword. “You nearly got us killed.” She hollered, glaring at the elf beside her.

“Astarion...” (Y/n) whispered, grabbing ahold of her friend’s hand. Astarion looked down at her, his undead heart feeling alive as phantom palpitations triggered a plethora of emotions; sadness, love, denial, hurt and comfort all-in-one.

He continued to stare, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“Are you okay?” She asked, her hand still in his, “I can’t help but notice...- well, you seem out of it.” She stated, “Should we retire for the night?”

“I-I’m fine...”

No, I’m not...

“A short rest will do.”

(Y/n) nods, letting go of his hand. The warmth he felt now succumbed to his cold temperature and every fleeting motion of her grip, now slowly evaporating.

Cheri, cheri lady Living in devotion It's always like the first time Let me take a part

“Was that really necessary?” (Y/n) scowls, crossing her arms.

“What did you expect me to do, Darling~?” Astarion chuckles, triumphantly. “He had it coming.”

“You didn’t need to punch the poor Tiefling.” (Y/n) scorned, “He was buying me a drink, not asking for my hand--”

“In marriage? He may as well have.” Astarion matched her scowling, “With the way he gawked at you; drooling like a rabid dog in heat, oh my sweet, he was panting for you, he would’ve humped your leg if he had the chance... it was positively sickening.” He waved his hand, dismissing her attempt at an argument, while simultaneously tilting his head upwards, flaring his nostrils and closed his eyes.

“And? So, what if he did, I might’ve said yes.” She groaned, stopping in her tracks, “Is it really sickening to have someone want me that bad...?” She sighed, looking down, recalling the moments her and Astarion shared weeks prior.

She missed him, loved him, wanted him, longed for him, but he wasn’t ready.

She was lonely; heartbroken.

Astarion opened an eye, looking at her, baffled at her reaction.

“N-No, that’s not what I mean!” Astarion fumbled over his words, shaking his hands frantically in front of the girl, both eyes now wide and pleading for forgiveness.

Cheri, cheri lady Like there's no tomorrow Take my heart, don't lose it Listen to your heart

“Then what do you mean?”

I love you that’s what I mean...

“He didn’t have class, manners... you need someone who does.” He states.

Like me...

Cheri, cheri lady To know you is to love you If you call me baby I'll be always yours

The nights were beginning to feel colder, harsher and isolated.

I find myself glancing at the forest; a spot just beyond a clearing where I first indulged in sexual affairs with (Y/n). Gods, it was incredible; she was incredible, though, I fear she sensed I was uncomfortable during some of the acts.

I have no one to blame but myself, I’m the one who approached her first with a plan in mind, what I didn’t expect was my plan to fail; to be the one who falls for her first. If I hadn’t come to her, maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here, alone, scared, hurt and in love, but here I am; a mess...

Astarion gripped at his white curls, a pained scream clawing to erupt from his esophagus; a tightness abrades in his chest as he reached his hand to his heart, pulling at the white blouse he wore.

He falls to his knees, the memories of torment, manipulation, dread, abuse and anger corrupting his mind.

Gods damn you, Cazador. I’m supposed to be alive; I’m supposed to be enjoying life and its pleasures. It feels like I’m shackled to the pits of Avernus; but this...this is much worse than hell.

Everything I touch feels tainted, but you are dead, I am free; why are you still here!

Astarion screams as loud as he can, his affliction bubbling and escaping to the surface.

“Just let me be able to love her!”

I get up, I get down All my world turns around Who is right? Who was wrong? I don't know

I've got pain in my heart Got a love in my soul Easy come, but I think Easy go

Part Two: COMING SOON

#astarion bg3 #bg3 astarion #bg3 screenshots #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x female reader #astarion #fanfiction #astarion fanfic #astarion x reader

70 notes · View notes

ivyluvsyouu · 7 months ago

Note

okay, this is the first request i've ever done on tumblr. (horrified)

could i request some yelan, ei, shenhe, (& i'm not sure if you are currently taking hsr, but) hanya and natasha? with a shy and quiet fem! reader, who's also much shorter than them.

i have two ideas, just in case the first one isn't something you'd write for.

they discover that reader would really like to become a mother with them, but hasn't brought it up because she knows it's impossible. maybe they see her journal left open, or maybe she accidentally left a tab open on her computer.

they plan an adorable picnic for reader. they sent her out of the house so they could prepare everything, or maybe they did it overnight. (maybe fem! reader has been sad lately, so they do this to cheer her up, and it works) they get a nice and plushy picnic blanket, a cute basket adorned in lace, and adorable sandwiches and snacks and fruits, accompanied with some wine?

you totally don't have to do either, but it'd make my day !! <33

𝑷𝒊𝒄𝒏𝒊𝒄<𝟑

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔: 𝒀𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒏, 𝑬𝒊, 𝑺𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒉𝒆, 𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒂 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑵𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒂

𝑭𝒆𝒎! 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝒀𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒏

You had gotten hurt on a commission recently; you were going to be okay, but your injury had left you bedridden for a while and you were going to be bedridden for a few more weeks at least and your girlfriend Yelan felt awful for you. She wanted to do something for you. One day when Yelan was out doing some commissions she saw a young couple having a picnic outside and she got the idea to have a little picnic at home with you since you couldn't get out of bed. She picked up some wine and some food in Liyue and she made sure to get some of your favorite dishes and she brought the food home. "I'm home dear!" She said as she came into your shared bedroom.

She had a basket in her hand and a blanket in the other. She sat next to you in bed and placed the blanket over you. She set the plates and food up. You were confused about what she was doing. "Yelan, what are you doing?" you asked curiously. "I felt bad we haven't been able to do anything together recently, so I wanted to set up a picnic in bed" She explained pouring you a glass of wine. You smiled and laid on her shoulder as she got everything set up. It didn't take long for her to get it set up and once she did you raised your head from her shoulder, and she smiles at you "Alright, dear everything's ready we can eat now"

𝑬𝒊

Ei noticed you had been extremely stressed out recently with work. Ei wanted to do something for you, but she wasn't sure what. She asked Miko what she should do and Miko suggested a picnic. Ei went home that day, and she spent all night preparing things for the picnic while you were asleep. She made sure to follow the recipes very carefully while she made the good since she's not good at cooking. They weren't perfect but she was proud of how they came out. You woke up that next morning to your girlfriend finishing setting things up.

"Morning, Ei" you said rubbing your eyes as you walk into the kitchen. She smiles and turns around "Morning, love come on I have something planned for us" she said softly. You nodded and got ready, and she took you to a secluded area in Inazuma. She set up all the food she had prepared for you and her. The sun was still rising so the both of you had a beautiful view of the sunrise while you ate. You laid on her shoulder as you both watched the sunrise and ate the food she had prepared. "I love you, Ei" you said in-between bites of your food. "I love you too, more than anything"

𝑺𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒉𝒆

Your girlfriend didn't know much about relationships and how to comfort people. So, when she noticed that you had been feeling down recently, she had no idea what to do or how to help. She ended up asking Xianyun for help. "My girlfriend has been really down recently, and I want to do something special to make her feel better..."

Xianyun gave her the idea to make some food and take her on a picnic. Shenhe doesn't know much about the food you eat either since she grew up in the mountains, so Xianyun shared some recipes with her as well. You were out on some commissions, so she had all day to finish making the food. You got home around sunset, and she had just finished preparing everything. "Y/n, perfect timing come with me" she said gently taking your hand and grabbing the picnic basket. And right back out the door you went. She took you to a private spot in Liyue and she set everything up. "Is this what a normal picnic looks like?" she asks as she finishes setting everything up. You laugh slightly and nod "Yes, Shenhe you did a great job"

𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒂

She had been quite busy with her work recently and she hadn't had a lot of time for you, and she felt terrible about it, so she wanted to plan something special for you. She got the idea to take you on a picnic so she picked a day when she knew you wouldn't be home. You were out with some of your friends that day so as soon as you kissed her goodbye and left, she got to work.

She spent all day making food for you and her so she could take you on a picnic later that evening. She finished about an hour or so before you got home so when you got home, she immediately went to greet you at the door. "Welcome home, love come with me I have a surprise for you" she said. She grabbed the picnic basket and led you to an area that was private and where the two of you would be uninterrupted "I know I've been busy recently and I hope this makes up for everything"

𝑵𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒂

Your birthday was coming up and your girlfriend wanted to plan something special for you. She asked a few of your friends what they thought she should do, and she came up with the idea to set up a picnic for you. One morning she woke up extra early so she could set everything up and it didn't take her long to get everything set up it took her about three or so hours, you hadn't even woken up yet.

When you woke up and walked into the kitchen, she greeted you with a hug and a kiss. "Happy birthday, Dear! I have something planned for us, come on let's go" she said happily. You quickly got ready, and she took you to a cliff nearby where you could have a view of everything as you two eat. "I hope you like it, love" she said as she finished setting everything up. "I love it, Natasha thank you"

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒎 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈! 𝑳𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒙��!

#genshin x reader #genshin fluff #genshin impact x reader #genshin headcanons #yelan x reader #yelan fluff #ei x reader #ei fluff #shenhe x you #shenhe x reader #shenhe fluff #hanya x reader #natasha x reader #natasha x you #natasha x y/n

55 notes · View notes

leighsartworks216 · 1 year ago

Text

Say Something Loving

Astarion x male!Tav/Reader

Requested by Mutt_Thingy on AO3:

“so i was wondering if you could do a fic based on the song Say Something Loving by The XX. the song reminds me of him sooo much it hurts. especially including the scene where Astarion is asking for another night with Tav and says "i love you" in a bid to get them to sleep with him. i just thing if Tav was like "whats going on with you? why are you pushing for this? i dont think this is really what you want. its ok." and kisses him on the forehead and goes to bed. and Astarion is just kinda stunned by the concept of non transactional intimacy.

i would also prefer if Tav was male? and maybe taller than him?”

Wrote this in a hurry before I go to take my shower so I can get some actual work done so it's not proofread

Title based on "Say Something Loving" by The XX

Warnings: manipulation, references to sex, low self-worth, swearing

Word Count: 727

Main Masterlist

First Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist - Second Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist

AO3

Tag List Form

“How about if I said these little words… Everyone’s favorite.” All at once, Astarion’s suave bravado slips away into something sad, almost pained. “I love you.”

The entire party, Astarion had taken a spot off to the side and stayed there, never straying except to grab another bottle of awful wine. He seemed lost in thought, eyes shifting over the many people but never lingering, never actually seeing. Perhaps it was an odd thing for you to notice, but even Shadowheart seemed to be enjoying herself.

This… whatever it was between you, was unrefined, unfamiliar. You’d enjoyed the first time you slipped off into the woods with him, and been so willing to give him the blood he needed to press on. But now, watching him pull line after line from thin air, practiced and perfectly measured to induce attraction and arousal, you’re not sure.

“What’s wrong, Astarion?”

The vampire blinks, confusion flickering over his face before he can put his mask back on. He smirks, tilts his head, smirks so a pointed fang pokes out. “Nothing, dear. I’m only consumed by my desire to explore you again.”

He wonders if he said something wrong when you only frown deeper. He feels utterly exposed as your eyes study his face, reading his expression carefully.

“Why are you pushing for this?” you press.

He laughs sharpish. “Like I said, this,” he gestures to the party, “is all rather dull. We’d have a much better celebration alone. It’ll be fun.”

He covers up his emotions well, you’ll give him that. But the way he speaks, it rubs you the wrong way. Like he’s trying to convince himself of the same thing. Trying to lure you in and assure himself this is the right thing to do.

You shake your head. “I don’t think this is really what you want.”

He wants to protest, firmly assure you that yes, of course he wants a night full of depravity and lust, but the words die when you smile. He doesn’t understand why you smile.

“It’s okay. It can wait.” He’s utterly lost when you carefully cradle the back of his head, slowly, giving him a chance to pull away. He… finds he doesn’t really want to. You lean down, brush aside his curls with your other hand, and press a kiss to his forehead. And then you’re stepping back, giving him his space once more. He stares up at you. His brain fights to recover, but he can’t imagine how. “You’re welcome to drink from me, if you wish. Goodnight, Astarion.”

You smile at him again, warm and patient, and retreat back to your bedroll. He’s still so lost. Why in the hells did you decline? It wasn’t even because you weren’t in the mood - you could tell he didn’t want it. Was he really so easy to read? More importantly, had he completely fucked up his plan?

It didn’t seem like it. You didn’t say you didn’t want a relationship, which was… good. And you’d kissed him, hardly something one would do if they were uninterested.

He’d never been kissed on the forehead before. Not so carefully. Not so sweetly.

His emotions fought themselves until the vinegar-wine felt even more sour in his stomach. He’d have to try harder, next time. If you didn’t want to sleep with him, then he had nothing else to offer. And once you realized that, you’d leave him in a heartbeat. His mind raced down that rabbit hole of thoughts (If you left him, he’d be without protection. He’d have to find someone else to seduce into protecting him, but everyone else was either too busy with their own issues or utterly distrusting of him. Without protection, Cazador would find him. And if Cazador found him-), until he chugged down the last of the wine with a grimace and slinked off into the woods.

He’d try harder. He had to make you want him.

Though, as he half-assedly skims his piercing eyes through the brush and trees, looking for anything edible to hold him over until everyone else went to bed, he couldn’t help feeling like his flirtations, his ‘I love you’ had felt different from before. Was it because the stakes were so much higher now? Or…

It’s not real, he reminds himself bitterly, and curses himself for falling for his own game.

---

Tag List:

@satelliteapotheosis @hypopxia @flsalazar @beverlybeav @angelofthorr @emiemiemiii @marina-and-the-memes @furblrwurblr @cappsikle @mjmygd @thegirlsadventuresinwonderland @kindadolly @bloopthebat @pandimoostuff @chesb0red @black-star1472 @sessils @olitheghostboy-blog @puppyg1rl666 @cyber-dump-171 @twinkliker3000 @cherifrog @catching-fire-in-the-wind @thespectacularspaceace @lynnlovesthestars @yarn_yogi @tototini

180 notes · View notes

klarex · 1 year ago

Text

To all of you, I want to say that I'm a big fan of hardwave music, and this fic is kind of based on this type of music. But if you don't like it, then you can change that to any type of sad music.

Genre: fluff

Warnings: orcs and wargs, fighting and orcs/wargs death, injuries

Summary: Your life was sad and boring, but somehow, you got teleported into another world.

Paring: Bilbo Baggins x Earth human! reader

There is a possibility

Not my gif, its from pinterest

Pov. (Y/n)

Just sitting and drifting in my thoughts hurt. Everything hurt. I just want to disappear. Not feeling any emotions, or not wanting to feel them? Do I like being alone, or I'm just lonely? I don't know.

Those questions repeated themselves every night like this.

I sat down on the windowsill and watched everything going on outside the window, heavy breaths escaping my mouth. I had my headphones on, listening to some calm/sad music. It was dark outside. Some street lanters gave a little light outside. A few cars passed by. The fog was thick. Something about this weather made me feel safe. I don't know what it is exactly, but it's a peaceful and calm feeling. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.

Then I felt a wave of fresh air hitting me.

"Weird.. I don't remember opening my window.."

I thought and opened my eyes. I jumped when I saw a tall man in grey robes in front of me. He was tall! I looked up at his face, shaking with a slight fear. He had a long white beard and a pointy, grey hat. He was also holding a long stick. He reminded me of someone...

While I was too stuned to do anything, I heard mumbled voices. I realized that I still had my headphones on and took them off.

- How did this lass get here?!

I heard someone say with anger. I looked around me and saw that I was outside, standing on a green grass. The sky was dark. Behind me, there was a fireplace and a lot of short men. They all had beards, but there was also a smaller man, with bare feet and without the beard.

And then it hit me. My eyes went wide as I heard the tallest man talk.

"Am I in Middle-Earth?!"

I thought and looked up at a man in front of me.

- I- I'm sorry to interupt...

I said, and they all looked at me. I gulped, feeling all of their gazes on me.

- But- are you Gandalf..?

The wizard chuckled and nodded his head. I was stuned again.

"How is that even possible?!"

I saw the wizard slightly bent before me.

- And who you may be?

He asked with a polite smile. Oh, Gandalf always knew how to make odd things right...

- I'm (Y/n).. and apparently.. I'm from another world...

I looked down, embarrassed. I heard someone scoff.

- From another world?! I don't believe it!! You must be a spy!!!

I didn't even look up, because I knew no one would believe me. Maybe Gandalf would...

- Thorin Oakenshield!! She is not a spy!! I would feel it if she was, but she isn't one.

Gandalf said and I sighed in relief.

- Now! Everyone, we have to settle here for the night, so go and prepare yourself. I will go and talk with (Y/n).

Gandalf said and all of the dwarves go their way. The wizard took me a few meters away from their camping place. I sat down on a rock and grabbed my head in my hands. He sat next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

- I do believe you, (Y/n). I'm not going to lie.. before you got here, I was practising some of my spells, and apparently, you must get here by one of them..

He said and rubbed my back in a comforting way. I looked at him, surprised and shocked.

- So technically, there is a way to send me back home?

I asked with hope, but at the same time, I didn't want to go back. My life was worthless and awful back in my world. I always wanted to make it exciting or something, and now I have a chance.

- Yes, but you would have to give me some time to-

- It's okay! You don't have to!

I interrupted him with a truthful smile on my face. He looked at me with curiosity and confusion.

- You know.. I actually don't want to go back.. Maybe it's not an accident that you brought me here...

I said, chuckling, and he smiled with a nod. I told him about my world a bit and my life, but then I heard some quiet footsteps. I looked over to the sound and saw the hobbit with two bowls in his hands. He was smiling shyly.

- I- I thought that since you are not near the fireplace and are probably hungry, I would give you some soup.

He said and handed us the bowls. I nodded and said "thank you". He slightly bowed.

- I'm Bilbo Baggins. The company's burglar.

He said. I nodded with a smile.

- Bilbo. Take care of (Y/n) for a while, will you?

The wizard told the hobbit, and he nodded. Gandalf got up and walked away, into the forest. I looked over at the bowl.

- What's that?

I asked, looking at Bilbo. He looked at me and back at the soup.

- It's quite everything. Balin made this with Bombur's help, and told us it's an old-fashioned soup, where you throw everything in the pot and make soup out of it.

He said, giggling, slightly scrunching his nose. I smiled at the cute sight before me and nodded. His eyes wided.

- Oh! Excuse me for a second.

He quickly ran back to the fireplace and walked back to me with his own bowl. He sat down next to me, and we began to eat our supper. The taste was really good, nothing like I had expected.

- Mm! It's good! I mean really good!!

I said, happily. Bilbo chucked and sipped his own soup. After a short while, we finished our food.

- So if it was really good, you should tell it to Balin and Bombur, I'm sure they would be happy to hear it from you!

The hobbit said with a smile, and I looked down. Bilbo placed his hand on my shoulder and looked at me concerned.

- Ay! You will be fine! I'm sure they will like you!

He said, trying to cheer me up.

- I know they will.. but I'm not sure that Thorin likes me or even trusts me..

I said quietly, but Bilbo is now standing in front of me and pulling his hand out for me.

- Come on. I will be right behind you..

He said calmly, and I looked up at him. He had this adorable smile of his and eyes full of kindness. I gently took his hand, and he helped me get up. He was slowly leading me to the fireplace, still holding my hand. I blushed at his action.

When we sat down around the fire, like everyone else did, Bilbo pulled his hand away. All eyes were on me. I gulped and blushed. I took a deep breath.

- Balin.. Bombur.. this soup is extremely g- good!

I said while rubbing my arm, but the dwarves simply smiled.

- Why thank you, lass.

Balin said, chuckling. My worries swam away, and I returned the smile, looking up. From the corner of my eye, I saw Bilbo's relieved face and a smile creeping on it. The atmosphere wasn't so tense when I first got here. The company talked lively about their adventures and all that.

- So (Y/n)? Did you have any adventures in your world? And what are those?

A young dwarf asked me, it was Kíli. He pointed at my headphones, hanging on my neck.

- To be honest, I totally forgot about those.

I said, giggling.

- But no. We don't have any adventures back in my world. You just work to live. It's more like a sad life than actually something happy, I dunno...

I said, looking down sadly, but then I quickly looked up at them.

- But those are my headphones. They are made for playing music from my phone.

I said, and they all looked at me like I was insane. I smiled and took out my phone from my pocket. I turned it on, adjusted the screenlight, and checked my battery.

"Hmm.. still 88%, that's good.."

I thought and opened my music app. I quickly turned down the volume.

- Who wants to try? That's nothing scary and hurtful.

I asked, smiling, and saw Kíli looking at them really interested. I slowly got up and sat down in front of the dwarf. I gently put my headphones over his ears and looked at him.

- What type of songs do you like, Kíli?

I asked while clicking search on my phone. He thought for a second.

- Catchy and happy ones.

He said, smiling. I thought for a second and searched for "What makes you beautiful - One Direction" and played it. The song started playing, and Kíli was amazed.

- Aye! It's pretty good!

He said loudly. I laughed and left him to listen to the song. He started boucing to the song a bit and hum. We all laughed.

I repeated this thing with every other dwarf (except for Thorin, cause he said it's a waste of time), but when I sat close to each dwarf and put mine handphones on them, I felt a strong gaze on me. I played it off, because I thought everyone found me weird or insane.

Now it was time for Bilbo. He wanted to go last, I didn't know why. When I sat down in front of him, he blushed. And when I put on my headphones on him, he blushed even harder. He looked so cute, his face is so perfect. His lips in a soft smile, cheeks pink, and his slightly pointy ears that are now pinkish too. I adored him so much.

When I broke away from my thoughts, I asked what he would like me to play.

- Play what you mostly listen to..

He said, and his request shocked me. He was smiling sweetly, and I slowly put on my favourite calm/sad song. His eyes widened with shock and sadness. No one ever asked me to play one of my songs, and I don't feel good while showing them to people. But Bilbo was different. I knew he wouldn't judge.

- Well... that's a really interesting one.. It's like you know the feeling of this, and you can understand the song..

The hobbit said with a sweet smile. He was right. I felt the same when I played this song. Like I sat on my windowsill, just like earlier. Watching the cars drive by and everything covered in fog.

I smiled widely back at him, seeing that he could truly understand the power of this song. He gently took my headphones off and handed them back. I took them and turned them off to not waste the battery. I turned off my phone too.

We started talking again. Dwarves were really curious about my world, so I tried explaining everything to them as simple as I could. I felt cold air hitting my skin, and I shivered. I wrapped my arms around myself, but the next thing I felt was a heavy fabric on my shoulders. I looked up to and saw Bilbo putting his blanket on me. I smiled happily, and he sat next to me.

- Thank you, Bilbo. But won't you get cold?

I asked. He slightly shivered and shook his head. I rolled my eyes and pulled him closer to me, under his blanket. He blushed and sat still, not expecting that to happen. Then Thorin stood up.

- Now everyone, we have to rest, so Nori and Dwalin are taking night watches tonight.

He said, and we all nodded. Every dwarf got up and found their place to sleep. They took their things and put them down, pulling the blankets out. I looked around, embarrassed. I didn't have anything with me, except my phone, headphones and clothes that I was wearing.

Everyone lay down under their blankets and went to sleep (not Nori, of course, cause he took the first watch). I just sat there under Bilbo's blanket, while he walked away for a moment. I closed my eyes, feeling sleep overtaking me, but I heard soft talking.

I opened my eyes and saw Gandalf and Bilbo walking my way. My eyes were nearly closed, but I managed to keep them open.

Bilbo had a little backpack on his shoulder and a rolled blanket in his hand. They had smiles on their faces. I felt a soft hand on my shoulder.

- (Y/n)?

I heard the hobbit saying. My eyes flew open, and I quickly looked at him.

- Come on... I have a blanket for you and some useful things.

He said softly and helped me get up. We took a few steps away from the place I was sitting. He put the backpack on the ground and sat down. I follwed his actions and looked at him.

- Now.. lay down and try having a nice sleep. If you need anything, then I will be right beside you.

He said, smiling kindly and sweetly. I nodded, not having any power left in me. I lay down and covered myself with a blanket.

- Goodnight, Mr. Baggins...

I whispered and closed my eyes. I heard Bilbo chuckle.

- Goodnight...

He said quietly, and I fell asleep.

••

I woke up to some loud talking and sun hitting my face. The morning breeze was pretty cold. I covered my head with a blanket, shivering. I groaned and moved, so I was now laying on my side. I listened to what dwarves were saying, and of course Thorin was talking the loudest.

- We need to keep moving! We don't have much time! Wake this lass up!

He said, and I quickly jumped out of my cover.

- I'm awake!

I said loudly, and everyone looked at me. I blushed embarrassed and looked at them. I saw that there was no sight of Gandalf. They started packing their things, and I got out of my blanket. I quickly packed myself up in the backpack I got from Bilbo and put it on my back. Gandalf then joined us.

We walked for 2 hours, and we heard a sound coming out from the deeps of the forest. We all looked in the direction of the sound. Bilbo took a few steps before me, holding his sword and his hand before my chest. I blushed and smiled, but I was also slightly shaking with fear. Then, a wizard in a brown robe jumped out from the leaves on his rabbit harness. It was Radagast. I sighed with relief. Everyone put theirs weapons down. Gandalf stood before him, and they started talking.

The hobbit turned around to face me, his cheeks pinkish. I smiled widely, and he smiled back, so warmly and so kindly...

"I could melt, because of him. His smile is so pretty.."

I thought and gently ruffled his soft and pretty hair.

- Ay!

He shouted, and I giggled. He scrunched his nose and narrowed his eyebrow, but he didn't look super angry. He crossed his arms on his chest, and I bent down a bit with a smile.

- Aww.. Bilbo.. don't be angry at me... I'm thankful that you wanted to protect me..

I said, and he chuckled and let his hands fall down.

- Fineeee..

He groaned, and this time, I chuckled. I straighted and looked at two wizards. Radagast had a very scared look on his face, but Gandalf seemed to calm him down a bit.

- Company! We will have to fight, Radagast saw a few orcs not far away from here. I'm sure they are looking for us.

Gandalf said loud enough for everyone to hear. I gulped when we heard wargs' howl. Thorin took responsibility for the fight and told everyone what to do. He walked up to me and handed me a knife.

- Thanks..

I said quietly, and he nodded.

We walked a bit forward, but then we saw an arrow nearly shooting Dori's head. Kíli quickly took out his bow and shot back at the orc, killing him. We started running to get out of the orcs' sight, but they were too fast. Thorin stopped and punched a warg's legs with his axe. The creature fell on the ground, stopping with his face, and it made the orc that was riding it fall forward on the Bifur's spear. Gandalf and Radagast defented themselves with theirs sticks and magic. Dwarves were fighting orcs with their weapons.

I was slightly paralyzed, but when one of the orcs attacked me, I cut his throat and kicked him away from me. I was shocked at my own action, but smiled proudly to myself. I helped a few dwarves to get away from orcs grasps.

When I was helping Bofur out, I didn't see a warg behind me, and Bilbo jumped at me, pushing me away from the dangerous creature. We fell down hard on the ground. The hobbit was lying on top of me. I looked at his face, and he looked up at me concerned. I blushed, and so did he. He fastly got up and held his hand out for me. I took his hand, and he helped me get up. I nodded and looked up from him. I saw an orc behind Bofur that was going to attack the dwarf. I throw my knife at the orc's head. The dwarf looked at me and smiled warmly, but quickly went back to fighting.

I looked back at the hobbit, but he was no longer there. He was fighting side by side with Thorin now. I ran to the orc that I "shot" and grabbed my knife.

After a bit of fighting, we killed every orc we could.

- Let's get going! We have to move from this place so orcs don't attack us again!

Gandalf said and made his way to the front of the company. Radagast got on his rabbit harness and drove away to mislead remaining creatures. We fastly walked near the hills in the forest, searching for a good hiding, resting place. Then I saw a little cave covered with bushes.

- Here!

I said and pointed at a cave. Gandalf nodded, smiling. We all ran into the little ground curving, and sat down behind bushes. Everyone sat close to each other in a circle. A sweet hobbit was on my left, and Balin on my right. Bilbo was leaning on my side as I was on his. This brought comfort to us in this stressful situation. We heard a really quiet and muffled howl from far away. Kíli and Fíli sighed in relief.

- Mr. Baggins, as our bugler, you should check if there aren't any enemies nearby.

Thorin said, and Bilbo shivered, straightening. I put my hand on hobbit's shoulder in a comforting manner. He looked at me and smiled. The hobbit got up and climbed on a hill behind us.

And again, Gandalf started talking with Thorin about our journey.

••

The journey went on and on. I didn't plan to go back home. From time to time, Gandalf would come up to me and ask me if I don't want to go back to my world, but I always refused. Everyone was confused about it, but I was rather ignoring the subject or answering them that "my life there was boring". They seem to understand that.

Since the day I got in Middle-Earth, Bilbo has always been curious about my life. I thought that it was just normal for hobbits, but now I think it's something else. Like he actually wants to know me, like know why am I like this and how I am. His kindness is so amazing about him. He doesn't care how much others hurt him, he will still help them. That's what I adore about him the most. He is sweet and innocent, and his smile could warm up my days. He is actually perfect. He is all I could ask for. He is the reason why I haven't lost my mind yet. We had an amazing friendship, since I got in this world, so I thought that we had no secrets, but I didn't want to ruin it by telling him how I really felt.

We were sitting on our camping spot. Dwarves were dancing and singing around the fire while I sat with Bilbo on my side. Wide smiles creeping on our faces when we saw a happy scene before us. Fíli walked up to us and pulled his hand out for me. I took it with a grin. He pulled me closer to the fireplace, and we danced to their singing. I was laughing uncontrollably, and I saw a big grin on Fíli's face.

When the song finished, I was out of breath. I went back to Bilbo to sit down beside him.

- That was fun!

I said, giggling. He hummed and smiled at me politly. He scrunched his nose and looked into the distance. I looked at him, concerned.

- Did something happen, Bilbo?

I asked, putting my hand on his back. He shook his head and slightly blushed. I had a confused look on my face. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts.

I sat in front of him, so he finally looked at me. He seemed surprised, and his already pink cheeks changed colour to a darker one.

- I know something happened, Bilbo.. You know you can tell me everything, right?

He looked down and nodded.

- I just.. I..

He mumbled and sighed.

- I just- I really like you, (Y/n). Not in a friend way... I'm sure that it will ruin our friendship, and you probably don't feel the same-

I cut him off by grabbing his face in my hands and rubbing my thumb on his cheek.

- Who said I don't like you back?

I asked, and his eyes widened, his body stiffened. His ears turned red, and the colour started growing even on his neck. I giggled at the sweet hobbit and slowly leaned in. I gently kissed him. It took him a few seconds to kiss me back, but when he did, he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me onto his lap. I yelped in surprise, but ran my hands through his soft hair, and he sighed dreamily.

We heard loud clapping and whistling behind us, and we pulled apart. I looked around my shoulder and saw the company cheering.

- Gandalf won the bet again!

I heard Ori say and saw small purses being thrown to the wizard. Gandalf smiled widely and nodded his head to us. I rolled my eyes and looked back at Bilbo. His whole face was dark red again. I nuzzled my nose against his and pressed our foreheads together.

- Ignore them, sweetheart. They're just jealous..

I said and kissed my hobbit again. He quickly kissed back with a smile on his lips.

♡masterlist♡

#bilbo baggins #the hobbit bilbo #bilbo x reader #bilbo baggins x reader #x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #fluff #oneshot #the hobbit #the hobbit x reader #the hobbit x you #the hobbit x y/n #middle earth #middle earth x reader

101 notes · View notes

dreamwritesimagines · 2 months ago

Note

On that note of Logan still rushing to help Sunshine, he would definitely get there fast to help with her car and all that. But what if something happened to sunshine ya know?? Like she twisted her wrist at work or hurt her foot and can't walk properly without aid?

I bet Logan's skin would be crawling at the fact that he, because of himself, can't help her... I mean not CAN'T but certainly doesn't wanna see him.

But she's also hurt and in pain and that sets off all the alarms in his body and FUCK he can just picture her poor face all twisted and sad and hurt. He should be there to help and make her life easier.

And seeing Theo's sad face as he tells the people at school what happened to his mom just adds even more salt to his wounds. And ofc this had to happen on the weekend that none of her friends could take care of the kid and so he was without his mom AND worried...

And before he even notices he is holding Theo in one arm and knocking on her door with the other cause damnit at least he can make her a little happy by seeing her baby.

And as she opens the door all confused, and suddenly gets super happy because her boy is there! All Logan can think is "pick her up. Pick her up. Pick her up- her foot. She shouldn't be standing, idiot you have to help" but he refrains cause that would only make everything worse, so now he is just standing there, awful feelings reeling inside of him

🦜anon (once again I am so sorry, you just activated my brain worms)

OMG OMG OMG-

Honeeeey I absolutely love this! 🩷 Thank you so so much! 🩷

And before he even notices he is holding Theo in one arm and knocking on her door with the other cause damnit at least he can make her a little happy by seeing her baby. ASDFGHJKL OH LOGAN IS SOOO THEO'S DAD AT THAT POINT😏

I feel like Theo would all happily run inside to greet his fish, and Sunshine would definitely go,

"What are you doing here?"

"Uh...Theo mentioned your little accident."

"Ah."

"And I figured you'd want to maybe see him and..."

"And?"

"And maybe you'd need help-I mean, maybe I could make myself useful around here?"

"Logan, we're not together."

"I know. I know that, it's not about that."

"Then what is it about?"

"Like I said. Me making myself useful around here."

28 notes · View notes

sisterspooky1013 · 5 months ago

Text

Never, Chapter 2/3

Rated X | Read it here on AO3

This is a continuation of a one shot I wrote a year and a half ago.

“Are you okay, miss?”

Scully straightens up in her seat and wipes the tear tracks off her cheeks. She hadn’t even realized she was crying again. Her head is starting to throb as she sobers up, and she wonders if she has enough wine left at her apartment to reclaim her drunkenness and the numbness that comes along with it. She’d do just about anything not to feel the way she feels right now.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she says, glancing at the reflection of the cabbie’s eyes in the rearview mirror. His bushy black brows are furrowed, and when the cab passes under a streetlight she sees deep concern there as he looks between her face and the nearly deserted road.

“Someone hurt you,” he says, the anger in his voice barely contained.

Her hand reflexively comes up to touch her tender cheekbone. She feels so awful she keeps forgetting that she also looks it.

“No,” she says reflexively, and then corrects herself. “I mean, yes. But I’m okay,” she tells him with a thin smile.

He’s older. Late sixties, maybe. There’s a picture of two smiling boys wearing matching bow ties and patkas taped to the dashboard, their arms slung around one another’s shoulders. Grandchildren, she thinks absently.

“The man who called?” he asks, and even through her devastation she finds that she’s comforted by this stranger’s protectiveness of her.

“No, he would never hurt me,” she says. “The man who hurt me is in jail.”

The cabbie nods, satisfied with this answer, and he is quiet for the rest of the ride.

Mulder would never hurt her. Not physically. Not on purpose. Her view of the darkened Potomac blurs behind fresh tears as she thinks about the way his face fell at the hospital when he got the full story. The way he dropped her hand and took two steps back under the guise of giving her privacy. The way he’s been uncharacteristically mean in the days since. Like he’s disgusted by her.

She’s so confused. By her actions, by his, by her own emotions. When she took Ed up on his offer for a date it felt like the most normal, uncomplicated thing she’d done in years. She thought she knew why she was doing it: she just wanted to be seen. Seen as a woman, as an object of sexual desire, as more than Mulder’s partner or his errand girl. Ed saw her, and she thought that she was getting what she wanted, finally.

It was only when Mulder’s reaction caught her so off guard that she realized she’d been expecting something else, something specific from him. Maybe what she wanted wasn’t just to be seen, but to be seen by him. But whatever he sees when he looks at her now, it’s not what she wanted. And it hurts. It hurts in a way she didn’t even know he could hurt her.

The brakes shriek as the cab pulls up to the curb outside Scully’s apartment, and she fishes a twenty dollar bill out of her jeans pocket. The cabbie unbuckles his seatbelt and twists around to look at her, that same concerned furrow in his brow.

“You make me think of my daughter,” he says, then pauses. “A man who loves you will never hurt you,” he finally says. “There is no excuse.”

Scully pulls her bottom lip between her teeth to still her quivering jaw. His kindness makes her ache for someone to hold her, for someone to be gentle with her body and her heart. She doesn’t want to need that, but she does. She doesn’t want to need it from Mulder, but she does. She doesn’t want to feel devastated that he won’t give it to her, but she is.

“Thank you,” she says, holding out the bill for him to take.

He shakes his head and gives her a sad smile.

“It was my pleasure to drive you home, miss. Please, keep your money.”

Once safely behind her apartment door, she stops trying to hold the tears back. They roll freely and silently down her cheeks as she pours the last of the wine into a water glass and sucks it down with a grimace. It burns her throat and then her belly, and she welcomes the physical discomfort as a distraction from her emotional torment.

She’s so angry with herself for letting him have this much power over her. For caring this much about what he thinks. She feels a flash of mortification when she remembers his comment about being jealous and her resulting admission of loneliness. She’s so stupid. So fucking stupid to think, even momentarily, that he was jealous of Ed. That he was jealous because he wants something from her the same way she wants something from him. She wanted to believe it so badly that she heard what she wanted to hear, and she made an absolute fool of herself.

But he wasn’t jealous of Ed. He was jealous of her for getting laid, so he went out to do the same. She’s always assumed that he indulges in a casual fling of his own here and there, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe she doesn’t know him at all.

It’s nearly 3:00 am when she crawls into bed, drunk and lonelier than ever. She wishes she could go back and do things differently, but she’s not sure how far back she’d need to go to undo what she’s done to herself. She’s not sure where she went wrong. All she knows is that she’s deeply unhappy, and she doesn’t know how to fix it. All she knows is that trying to get closer to Mulder isn’t the answer.

The phone rings at 7:00 am, cutting through her hangover like a knife. She scrambles for the handset on her nightstand, knocking her glasses and a bottle of ibuprofen that she set out for herself onto the floor in the process.

“Hello?” she croaks, letting her head fall back to the pillow when the room starts to spin.

“Hi. It’s me.”

She doesn’t say anything right away. The night before feels like a dream, but she knows that it wasn’t. Part of her is comforted by the fact that he followed through on his promise to talk about things in the morning, but another part of her is horrified by the idea of ever speaking of it again.

“Good morning,” she says in a markedly professional tone, if not for the rasp of her sleepworn voice.

“Are you…” he begins, and her belly tightens. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she says rotely.

She listens to the sound of his even breathing on the other end of the line and wonders what he thinks of her now. If he’ll ever look at her the same way again. If he’ll treat her like she’s fragile the way he did after Duane Barry.

“I’m really sorry,” he says quietly, and immediately her throat closes up. “For a lot of things. But last night—.”

“It’s okay,” she interrupts, desperate not to relive it, not to be rejected a second time. “To be perfectly honest, I only remember bits and pieces,” she lies.

“Oh,” he says, either surprised or relieved. Maybe both.

“I’m, um, I’m not sure I’ll make it into work today,” she continues. “My head feels like a block of cement.”

“Can I bring you anything?” he asks hopefully. “Gatorade, maybe?”

“Please don’t,” she blurts out, then softens her tone. “I appreciate the offer, but I’ll be fine. Sorry if I was…out of line last night.”

There’s a long pause, and she wonders what he’s thinking about. She’s thinking about how good it felt when he wrapped his arms around her, and how much it hurt when she realized he was using it as a means to get her out the door.

“No,” he finally says. “I was the one who was out of line. I’m the one who’s been out of line. You didn’t do anything wrong, Scully.”

He sounds so sad, and she wants to ask him why. She wants to understand him. She wants to be understood by him. The empty space around her feels infinite.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

She hangs up and waits for the room to stop spinning before she picks up her glasses and the ibuprofen, though she doesn’t take any. She lets her pounding head and queasy stomach serve as a reminder of her mistake, a mistake she has no intention of repeating.

Mulder is her partner. He cares about her, but not in the way that she only just realized she secretly wants him to. She’s not sure if that secret way is romantic in nature, she just knows she wants more. More than fruitless searches for invisible boogie men and a never ending series of cheap motel rooms. More than banter and inside jokes and a shared distaste for gas station bathrooms. More than this.

She’s brushing her teeth, avoiding her own eyes in the mirror, when she feels a wet tickle in her nostril. A drop of bright red blood falls into the sink basin, splattering over white porcelain like a mini crime scene. She was going to tell him about the nosebleeds. About the MRI appointment she has later this week. She was just waiting for the right time.

Now she can’t help but wonder if she holds secret expectations about how he’ll respond to that news and the type of support he’ll provide. She can’t set herself up for that kind of disappointment. She won’t. Never again.

Tagging @today-in-fic

#the x files #x files fanfic #txf #dana scully #fox mulder

38 notes · View notes

xq1zi · 3 months ago

Text

say something

shoto x reader

warnings: kinda angst but happy ending, english not first language, somewhat rushed.

word count: 508

A/N: this scene is based on a manga panel from skip and loafer

you and shoto were dating for a while. not many know due to his “if you didn’t ask i won’t tell” personality. you were a more or less quiet person. definitely not prettiest but he makes sure you feel like the only person in the world for him. and that’s more than enough.

you had decided to go to the store after classes were over. shoto also accompanied you being the good gentleman he was. half way through your walk there some more obviously attracted girls in your school uniforms came up to the both of you.

“ah! todoroki, just the person we need.” one of the girls spoke. he looked at them confused.

“here come to our dorm party! we definitely need more cuter men there,” another continued on. “come on, cuties like you need to have a chance to hang out with some girls.” she said in a seductive way.

“oh, unfortunately i can’t tonight but thank you for the invite.” he turned them down.

they awed before another spoke again. “wait don’t tell she is the reason?!” not in a rude way, just more or less surprised.

“no way she can’t be his girlfriend. clearly they’re just classmates.” they whisper but still audible. they argued over the status of your own relationship.

you bit your tongue. not trying to cause a scene. this has happened before and this time it really got to you.

“oh well if she’s the reason why you can’t come. she can come too if you want. we’ll see you there todoroki! or around the school” they blew kisses at him.

“oh, yes goodbye.” after that last statement from him they all left going to the dorms.

“why didn't you say something? or at least say that we were a couple” you said quietly looking away from him. “huh? what do you mean?” he doesn't understand why your tone seems so cold.

“whenever they ask you if i'm really your girlfriend you don't defend me,” looking into his eyes but only meet with utter confusion within his eyes. “It hurts you know, i want you to tell everyone that i'm yours when they start to think otherwise.”

“i didn't kno-”

“i know you didn't, and i should've said something but if someone asks if i'm your girlfriend you should say yes immediately…”

“i’ll do better next time. i'm sorry. i didn't mean for you to be hurt like this.” he said to you. “thank you for understanding but please know that people won’t understand why you would be with me.”

“but they don't need to understand, i just want you to know that i'll love you no matter what and next time i’ll correct them and tell them im yours,” he told you with a dearing voice. “so please let’s go to the store and go back to have our movie date.”

“you're the best really thank you now let's hurry we have so many things to watch!”

i need more ideas instead of just sad ones

#shoto todoroki #shoto x reader #shoto torodoroki x reader #mha x reader #bhna x reader #my hero x reader #todoroki x reader

45 notes · View notes

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 8 months ago

Text

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 9 Summary:

For months Joel Miller had become your safe haven. His presence in your life seemed to be guaranteed, especially with the fresh mark on your neck. When reality comes knocking, how will you cope without the person that had saved you in so many ways? Will you let the past trample you or will you be strong enough to overcome it?

Warnings: Past Trauma, Violence Inflicted By & On Reader, Threats, Angst, Reader Needs a Hug, Or Maybe She Just Needs to Kill Paul, Perhaps Both, Near Death Experience, Reader is Low-key a Badass Though, Reader Misses Joel.

A/N:

Hello y'all! Welcome back, I hope you guys have been doing good. This chapter is from the reader's perspective and starts off right where we left her cleaning up in the kitchen after Joel leaves for the river. Major warning for violence in this chapter, we love our feral queen. Also, given the overall shittyness of Paul's group, there are some threats towards her that imply SA but nothing actually happens. If the violence or those types of threats bother you, as always protect your own sanity please!

Chapter 9/20

The words widened the goofy grin on your face as you scrubbed the bowls from breakfast. Joel loved you. The idea of it made your insides warm and gooey.

Chapter 9: Separated Pt.2

“Love you too honey.”

The man that had carried you from the riverbank and tried to pawn you off on a distant brother had changed remarkably. Since the first day, he slowly transformed into the sappy alpha that had opened himself up for you despite the pain it caused him and then slapped your ass before he left for the river. He was somehow simultaneously a complicated and uncomplicated person. His past was enough to bring anyone to their knees but Joel wasn’t just anyone.

Joel was a father of not one, but two girls that had died. You tried to imagine what that loss might feel like but were unable to. It seemed too big, too awful to comprehend. Even worse, for years after he had tormented himself with his perceived failure to protect them. It made you want to cry. A knot grew in your throat as you thought about him breaking down amidst wreckage in the previously locked room.

You knew that talking about it had scared him at first but afterwards, you could’ve sworn a light had returned to his eyes. With the truth of his past revealed, you realized that that was what he had needed all along. He needed their memory to live on but wasn’t strong enough to let the words flow. Maybe that was your job, to break down his walls so that he could finally speak about his grief.

A distant memory arose from the recesses of your mind. You remembered how your father’s mother had died a few months before the outbreak. Bits of your life before the outbreak flashed behind your eyelids as you strained to remember how the family you had mostly forgotten about handled it. You remembered foreign words chanted by your father and his siblings over a grave, mixed with days spent sitting in lowered chairs. You remembered how your father’s unruly frizz had been pushed back with product as he crouched down in front of you and explained that it was okay to be sad, but that she would live on through your memories.

Childish confusion had filled you at his reassurance. Little fingers tossed dirt on to her casket after it was lowered but there was no sadness, just the inability to comprehend what had even happened to begin with. Perhaps you were too young to understand what the situation and its sentiments meant but the memory presented itself clearly now.

If Joel kept talking, if he held the memories close without letting them swallow him, maybe one day they wouldn’t hurt him as badly. Perhaps in time, Joel’s heart would heal. He was your mate, which meant it was your job to soothe the storm that raged within him. The instinctual need to calm his heightened nerves was overwhelming but you took it all in stride. It was comforting to know that Joel needed you as much as you needed him.

This was what you were for, to protect him in a way that he didn’t know that he needed. Joel loved you, despite the parts of him that were steeped in stifling grief. The least you could do was ease his self inflicted torture by allowing him to grieve properly.

Plus, he had to deal with it sooner rather than later as you were under no allusions about what the future held for the both of you. An alpha could only knot his mate so many times before reality came knocking. The last thing either of you needed was Joel having a nervous breakdown when it did. The future didn’t scare you as it once did but you knew that your mate would need more reassurance that the sky wouldn’t fall again.

The sound of the door opening pulled you from your plans and you placed the last of the dishes on the rack. A smile crept up on your face as heavy footfalls clomped towards the kitchen. Biting down on your lip, you tried to keep it cool as Joel neared.

“That was quick baby, did you even get the water?” you teased.

No response came from your mate and you rolled your eyes. You imagined Joel behind you, leaned up against the frame of the door with his arms crossed as his eyes raked over your frame. The trademark scowl would be plastered over his lined face but you knew that the melted pools of chocolate would give him up immediately if you looked. His eyes were your favorite part of his body. Well, one of them at least.

“If you wanted me to come with you, you could’ve asked. Didn’t have to speedrun through your chores for me.”

Again, nothing came from your mate. His scent remained distant, like he was still miles away, but you shrugged it off. Maybe it had rained while you were still locked in your thoughts about your grandmother’s funeral and plans for the future.

You imagined how Joel’s ruggedly handsome face would crack open with a quirk of his lips when you turned. He was so easy to predict but you loved it. The warmth of his gaze was worth every other thing that you had been through in your life and it always would be. Utterly lovestruck at the thought of him, you whirled around excitedly to greet him. Only it wasn’t Joel that leaned against the doorframe.

The scene before you was bastardized and revolting. How dare he stand in the place where your mate was supposed to be. How dare he show his face in the home that the two of you shared.

Fear was what he had expected from you, that much you could see as the surprise at your lack of response forced his mouth wide open for a second before he snapped it shut. There was no fear. All you felt was a frenzied rage coupled with a burning sensation at the back of your throat from the muted scent of maple that radiated off of him. You could’ve barfed as it coated the inside of your nose. You had hoped to never smell it again.

“Paul.”

The alpha cracked a grin that didn’t reach his frosty gaze and you sighed. Looking at Paul, you suddenly felt older than you had in years. It was like a bully from childhood had returned to yank at your pigtails once more. Except now time had passed and his presence sucked all of the energy from your body, leaving you exhausted at the very sight of him.

“Waiting for someone Angel?” Paul teased.

Bitter contempt brought a litany of insults to the tip of your tongue but you swallowed them down. You tried to look around him towards the open door. There was comfort in the knowledge that Joel would come back soon and Paul wouldn’t stand a chance. The older alpha could tear him in half without breaking a sweat.

“He’s not coming but don’t worry, he’s alive, Figured I’d take him as a souvenir for now. Who knows, maybe he’ll be fun for the guys. They like to place bets on who will last the longest,” Paul sneered.

Joel was gone? No, that couldn’t be. He was supposed to come back. You needed him back. Panic flared up inside of you as you spiraled with all of the possibilities. Was Joel hurt? Was he scared? The anxieties piled atop of one another until tears fell from your eyes. You felt lonely. It was unlike the loneliness you had felt when Joel had ignored your advances. That had been manageable due to his proximity.

As the tears dried on your face, you realized that this time you really were completely alone and it was due to the man that maniacally cackled in front of you. Deep rage spread from your chest, lighting every nerve ending on fire and tensing all the muscles in your body. The anger boiled over before you could stop it and an explosion of threats poured from your lips.

“If you hurt him, I will fucking kill all of you. Do you get that? Or are you THAT dense? If you even think about hurting him, you’re going to die. He is MINE, do you understand that? MINE!,” you growled.

Possessiveness was not something you had ever been known for until Joel Miller waltzed into your life. Or rather, until you waltzed into his. It shocked Paul. He had expected a version of you that no longer existed. A little girl who was made to pray and obey a wicked stepfather. A dutiful wife who was forced down the aisle by circumstance. A contemptuous omega who needed to be broken by a lengthy stay in the pit.

The fact Paul didn’t know you anymore was a victory. He knew the innocent kid that he had preyed upon and the broken shell of an omega that he had tried to control. You weren’t either of those people anymore. Not since the infected had torn you from your friends and you had stumbled through the forest for days. Not since Joel Miller had provided a safe space for you to rebuild yourself into a stronger, more self confident version of you. Paul didn’t know who you were and never would again. You relished in that.

The gruesome beast that had haunted your dreams had been shrunk down before your eyes. All that remained was a weak man who stood in the way of the one person who you had claimed as your own.

“Look who's all grown up now. Did the old man teach you some things? Sure smells like he did,” Paul said as he sniffed at the air.

You tried not to gag as he stepped closer, trying to get a whiff of your scent mixed with Joel’s. It felt perverted for Paul to ever have a part of your mate and you glared at him.

His teeth were clenched as he spat out, “Shame that the bastard was stupid enough to take the one thing that was MINE.”

The fact that Paul thought you were his property only disgusted you more but you remained stoic in the face of his taunts.

“And what was that?,” you goaded, already knowing the answer.

You knew this game. Paul was trying to rile you up and throw you off so that he could strike but you saw through it. All you needed was for him to take the bait and he did. As he moved closer to your place at the sink, one of your hands slowly inched towards the knife that poked out from the drying rack and grasped the handle. He didn’t even notice, too busy staring at your curves as he approached.

Fucking idiot, you thought.

When Paul’s head lurched back in a dramatic cackle, you slipped the knife into the sleeve of Joel’s flannel. You refused to be afraid any longer, despite the fact that he had been one of the villains in your life for years. But that was the thing about monsters; only little kids feared them. You had grown, making the display in front of you nothing but more than fuel to add to the fire. The blade dug into your palm. All you needed was an opening.

“You.”

And that was it. At the base of all of Paul’s desperation was this sick fantasy that he had harbored for years about owning you. He wanted to tie you down, to keep you shackled to him for the rest of your life. There was no love involved in his need for domination. It wasn’t a bond that Paul craved from you anymore, not with Joel’s teeth indented on your neck. In fact, it had never been about claiming you as his mate.

This was about control.

An explosion of emotions pushed you from the sink and towards the alpha. Grief, desperation, sadness, and above all else, anger, quickened your heartbeat. You were tired of it, of everyone trying to tell you how to live and forcing you into some predestined mold.

The only person who seemed to understand who you really were anymore was Joel. He truly was your perfect match and he was somewhere in need because of Paul. An unfamiliar feeling leached into your body as you stepped forward. The mark on your neck tingled with feral greed and Paul blinked at the atmospheric shift. He’s mine, mine, mine, echoed from somewhere in your mind.

The knife was wedged into Paul’s thigh before your brain even registered the action. As the blade tore through the soft layer of fat and thick corded muscle, a howl bounced off of the walls. The sound of it was delightful. You smiled at him and yanked the knife back before slamming it in deeper. A high pitched whine escaped Paul’s lips and you giggled at him. Rage flashed in his eyes at your amusement and his fist reared back, coming down hard against your cheekbone.

The force of the punch knocked you to the floor. Pain blossomed from your quickly reddening face but you ignored it, pushing yourself up from the tiles and stumbling towards the door. Paul groaned as he launched forward and wrapped his fingers around your wrist, squeezing it until you heard a pop. The delicate bones crunched under his grip but you barely felt it. Adrenaline pumped through your veins and blurred the pain that coursed through you.

With your survival instincts kicked into high gear, you spied the perfect exit strategy in an instant hanging on the wall. Quickly, you reached out and snatched the pot from its place. Before he could react, you bashed the metal against Paul’s face. Another cry of agony fell from the alpha as he stumbled back, hands pressed over the gash in his forehead.

The sight of Paul in pain made the wrath inside of you grow and you laughed at the unfamiliar feeling. The exit was free with the alpha being dizzied from the blow but it meant nothing anymore. This was one of the men that had torn apart your life. Sure, the outbreak had morphed it into something entirely different than what you had hoped for but Paul was the one who went out of his way to make it worse.

Paul was the one who had stalked you for years. He was the one who kept the group living in fear of Josiah and his council with his brutality. He was the one who allowed Jake’s boyfriend to be killed and supported the subsequent forced marriage. He was the one who married and destroyed two perfectly fine omegas of his own. He was the one that tried to destroy you as well. And above all else, Paul was the one that had taken your mate in order to harm him.

Laughter rattled in your chest and you allowed the breathless rage take over. The darkness started and ended with Paul, you understood that as the venom seeped into your soul.

You slammed the pot against his skull again and it felt so good that you kept going. After the third blow Paul swayed on his feet and collapsed. Blood splattered against the ground from his broken face but you kept going. Sweat and tears poured down your face as you moved down his body, beating his abdomen until his breathing turned to muffled wheezes. Paul’s eyes were blinking heavily when you finally threw the pot aside. He was close to passing out.

A monster had been unleashed within you. This burst of rage was like nothing you had ever felt. The only thing that held any meaning anymore were the thoughts of Joel that bounced around your head. His booming laugh, the scruff of his patchy beard against your hands and thighs, his big hands rubbing soothing circles into your hips as you clung to him after a bad dream, the way he looked so hopeful everytime he placed a meal in front of you; like he wanted nothing more than to make you happy. This ghost from your past threatened all of that.

Bare hands collided with Paul’s bloodied face. The act of beating someone was so foreign to you that you didn’t recognize the fists as your own as they rained down on him. It felt like you were floating above the kitchen, watching yourself tear into Paul with no ability to stop it. You heard the screamed insults as you scratched at his face and slammed his head against the floor but the person they came from was a stranger.

Unfamiliar hands shot forward to tear you from his broken body but you fought against them. Teeth sunk into flesh and whoever had attempted to pluck you away groaned at the sting. It was only when three people ripped you off that you realized that you had fucked up. Anger had gotten the better of you and now you were alone, fighting against three alphas as an unfamiliar man heaved Paul from the floor.

“Cut it out you crazy bitch, or I’ll give you something to scream about. Maybe a real knot would temper you,” one of the alphas barked in your ear.

You stilled immediately in a show of obedience. If they were anything like Paul, these men didn’t care that Joel had claimed you and that was extremely dangerous. It was crucial that you remained calm if you were going to escape unscathed. Their hands pushed you down and you whined as your knees hit the tiles hard. Peals of laughter came from the men. Your pain amused them.

Paul was dragged out of the room and you tried not to smile at the ragged state of him. With your face schooled, you directed your eyes to the floor and tried to think of a viable escape plan. It was then that you heard another alpha swear in disbelief from the doorway as Paul’s beaten body passed him. The familiarity of the voice tickled something buried in your mind and you snapped your eyes towards the entrance. The smell of citrus and cloves slapped you in the face as you met his gaze. There was no mistaking him.

Cooper stood in the doorway for a moment, green eyes analyzing the state of you before he stepped forward. He looked more grim than you had ever seen him. He resembled a puppy that had been kicked for too long and came to expect the abuse. Any lightness in his gaze was gone, his eyes framed with the dark shadows that advertised his exhaustion.

Cooper had never really been on your radar much when you lived amongst your group. He was always found somewhere on the sidelines during any of Josiah’s meetings and kept to himself for the most part. Paul had forced him into being one of the rangers that scrounged for supplies but he never seemed capable of returning unscathed.

It was only after he had been shot in the side that Josiah overruled his brother and took him off rounds for good. You remembered how Paul had ensured that everyone knew how weak Cooper was, making him a social pariah by spreading tales of his cowardice. He had been entirely uninterested in his brother’s recovery while he laid in bed fighting an infection for weeks, refusing to let anyone visit him unless they were healers. Hell, even Jake seemed to care about Cooper’s recovery more than Paul for some odd reason.

You remembered how Cooper used to hang out in the basement of the chapel amongst the dusty books and discarded boxes. One time you had found him leaned up against one of the desks when you were looking to find new reading material. You had jumped nearly three feet in the air but somehow Cooper was still the one that looked more terrified.

Shame had filled you and you apologized, fleeing the basement before he could respond. You felt awful about your find. It seemed to be some sort of safe haven for him. After the interaction, you started to avoid it at all costs. Everyone needed a hideaway within that group and you refused to be the one to ruin someone else’s.

The only time you remembered Cooper doing anything out of character was when you had stumbled upon him gardening along the edges of camp. You were sneaking back in after escaping for a few hours of peace in the cool waters nearby. Again, he looked guiltier than you did as he stood from the lupines and goldenrods. With the strict rules regarding how alphas and omegas should act and which jobs were appropriate, you weren’t surprised at his fear. Paul would’ve had a field day if he knew his brother was doing an “omega’s job.”

Neither of you had said a word to anyone and life went on as usual. The interaction was so miniscule that it had been lost to time until he walked into the kitchen. A loner through and through, Cooper had been an easily forgettable side character in your life. Even now, you only thought of him because of his connection with Jake. That’s all he had ever been to you, the alpha that your best friend had mated with under duress.

“The guys out back are having a tough time getting the big guy in the truck, you better go help them,” he instructed the group around you.

None of them were swayed and one of them grabbed a fistful of hair, wrenching your body upwards in defiance of Cooper’s demands. You groaned at the sting in your scalp.

“What makes us think that we’d listen to you boy?,” one of them spat.

Defiance sparked behind Cooper’s dulled eyes for a moment and he glared back at the men.

“Do you think Paul is going to like it if her mate gets loose? Go fucking help them out so we can get out of here for Christ’s sake,” Cooper seethed.

The second drop to the ground was shorter but still stung nonetheless. Two of the burly men strode past the smaller alpha, muttering to themselves as they glared at him on the way out, but one stayed behind.

“What about her?” the last one asked.

Cooper scoffed, “I think I can handle it. Go. Now. Before my brother wakes up and decides to hang you.”

The threat of his brother worked and the man hustled out of the room, leaving you behind with an alpha that had remained a stranger for your entire life. He had only lived three houses away from you, just on the other side of Miriam and Rachel’s house. Still, no matter how far you dug you couldn’t scrounge up any other memories of him. Had Cooper ever talked to you directly? Had you ever talked to him? You couldn’t remember.

“Why the fuck did you stop moving?”

The words were thrown at you like an accusation and you sat back confused.

“Why did I - What?,” you sputtered.

Nervous energy rolled off of Cooper as he threw his hands up in the air. His fingers pulled at his hair while he turned to begin pacing in front of you. He muttered to himself under his breath, arguing with some unknown foe in his mind. After tearing out a handful of hair, the alpha stopped in his tracks and turned towards you. Frustration pinched his face and his hands were bunched into fists at his sides.

“We thought you were dead. If that raider had come back, Paul probably would have left it but no. No, you had to fucking set up shop here and now look at this fucking mess. You could have taken your mate and gone anywhere but you just had to settle,” he hissed.

Cooper’s fists rubbed harshly at his tired eyes and you weren’t sure what to say. You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. Was Cooper… mad? At you? For what, you couldn’t even begin to imagine. The fact that he was even angry was shocking in itself, you had never seen him anything other than solemnly agreeable.

“Do you know what he did to us? To Jake and me? All because of some stupid fucking fantasy about you. My - OUR daughter is nowhere to be seen and that’s because of you. Because he needs to keep us in line so that he can get what he wants, like always.”

“D-daughter? Jake has a daughter? Wha - Wait, is he alive?!” you asked as excitement sped up your heart rate.

Cooper deflated a little at your reaction and pinched the bridge of his nose. It made him look older than even Joel despite the fact that he couldn’t be more than thirty. He cussed under his breath before he looked back up at you.

“Jake is alive. He’s safe, for now. I’m going to figure out a way to get Allie back and then I’m going to get us out,” he stated calmly.

You watched as he moved towards the discarded pot in curiosity. His nearness should have scared you, being the lone omega amongst a brutal group, but you felt at ease. For some reason, you knew Cooper wouldn’t hurt you. Whether it be his connection to Jake or his mild naturedness, no alarm bells rang in your head as he examined the bloodied pot near your feet. He sighed and shook his head, breathing out an almost inaudible fuck me. When his eyes met yours again, they were determined.

“Cross over the river, that should dull your scent, and then go east. If they catch you again, I won’t be able to do anything. I have people who need me. This is a courtesy because of how much you mean to Jake. I can’t - shit, I won’t risk them for you again. Do you understand?”

He looked up at you for confirmation. You nodded slowly, unfamiliar with this side of him. Determined was not a word that you would have used to describe Cooper before but now, it was written all over his face.

“Good,” he sighed as he handed you the pot.

The bottom of it was covered in Paul’s blood. You stared at it for a moment, the world falling away as you watched it drip onto the floor. Untethered from the reality you found yourself in, there were no words to describe how you felt. The situation was like a strange dream and you didn’t know how to pull yourself out of it. All you knew for sure was that Joel was not at your side and that was a problem.

“And if I go west?” you asked.

Cooper’s gaze hardened and he answered with a simple, “Don’t.”

The nod you gave was mechanical, born out of the necessity to appease the alpha who wanted to help. Cooper didn’t need to know the truth. He didn’t need to know that the cord that was wrapped around your soul pulled you towards home. You couldn’t ignore it, no matter what. Joel’s presence somewhere on this earth was like a beacon of light and you knew you were bound to chase after it until your heart stopped beating.

“Good. Now, I need you to hit me with that as hard as you can then get out of here. Do not let yourself get caught by one of those guys. It isn’t - fuck - they aren’t like the group we had before. They are so much worse and they won’t be uh, proper towards you. Got it?”

“Yeah, I’ve got it,” you grumbled.

Of course you understood. Alphas like these were like the boogeyman. Omegas all over had been told tales of their cruelty from childhood since long before the outbreak even started. They were the beings that lurked in the shadows, quickening the paces of omegas as they wandered anywhere alone after dark. They roamed in packs filled with like minded others and tore apart anyone they found. It came as no surprise that Paul had fallen in with them but you pitied Cooper for having to be involved.

“Cooper I don’t know how to… Thank you.”

Cooper shook his head. Self loathing was written all over his face as his eyes turned glossy and he clamped them shut. Steeling himself for what was to come, he clenched every muscle in his body tight and released the tension with a sigh. When his eyes snapped open he nodded once, giving you the go ahead to strike.

The loud bang of the pot slamming against the side of Cooper’s face was way less fulfilling than it had been with Paul. The alpha fell to the ground with a groan and all you felt was bitter guilt. He didn’t deserve it.

“Go,” Cooper hissed from his place on the floor as he held his head in his hands.

That was all you needed to hear. In an instant, you scurried over to the front of the cabin and shoved the first pair of shoes you found over your feet. A thick jacket was thrown over your frame haphazardly before you started pilfering through the back of the entryway closet for anything of use. There was no way of knowing how long before one of them waltzed in but you needed to be smart.

The first thing you found was the silver pocket knife that Joel kept hidden under a stack of long johns on the second shelf. You slid it into your pocket. The next target was the rifle Joel hid somewhere in the cabin. You had watched him march into the trees with it slung over his shoulder but never thought to ask where he put it afterwards. It made you feel like an idiot. His presence always seemed so guaranteed. The assumption had been a silly fantasy, something that soothed you into forgetting that a cruel world outside of Joel’s oasis existed.

Reaching up on your tiptoes to feel around the top shelf, your fingers passed over nothing but shells until you felt it. The cold metal bit at your hand as you carefully pulled out the handgun. The heavy weight of it in your palm was sobering. You were going to do this, you were going to free Joel no matter the consequence. There was no fear at the moment of clarity. All that remained was a sense of duty that had been engraved on the inside of your chest from the moment the bond was sealed.

Grabbing a half empty box of bullets and slipping the gun into your pants, you scampered back towards the front door. The string that connected you to Joel was drawn tighter than it had ever been. You knew they were taking him somewhere further away. Whether he was trying to or not, Joel’s side of connection screamed out into the space between you. The feeling of your mate calling out pricked at the senses, forcing you into action.

The latch was ripped open without another thought and you stepped out onto the porch. The air was frigid as the wind whistled through the trees. All you heard was the roaring gusts that shook the branches and kicked up bunches of snow. Several sets of footprints left idents in the snow and trailed off towards the river. Looking ahead, the path Joel used to check the rabbit traps seemed clear. With not a single footfall gracing the pristine snow, you started towards it.

The snow was heavy and stuck to the bottoms of your untucked pant legs as you ran into the trees. Heart pounding in your chest, you dodged branches and clambered over the dips in the uneven ground. Your lungs burned from the exertion but you ignored it and kept racing towards the water. It was only when you heard someone let out a shout in the distance that you stalled.

Crouching as close to the ground as you could get, you pushed your back into the trunk of a tree and thumbed the handle of the knife. All that surrounded you was trees and huge swells of white. Your breaths puffed out from between your gritted teeth as you strained to hear anything. From the left, you heard two of the alphas clumsily trying to wade through the wintry mess to make it back to the cabin.

Should you fight?

Should you make a run for it?

Would they smell you if they got too close?

The hesitation cost you time and soon their heavy pants were right on the other side of the tree. The first one swore under their breath as they stumbled over snow. After a second, the first kept up their clumsy jog while the other stopped completely. The alpha breathed heavily, painful breaths sucked in between coughing fits as he tried to gather himself. You waited for him to follow but he didn’t.

“What are you doing man? We gotta go check it out, come on,” the quicker one snapped.

Practically wheezing, the other man coughed out a tight, “Go see. I’ll wait here.”

The other one sighed loudly and then stumbled off towards the cabin, where Cooper was undoubtedly recounting some bogus tale about the crazy omega that attacked him. You imagined their reactions and secretly hoped that they would be angered at the thought of an omega assaulting not one, but two alphas in one day.

With the other alpha gone, the air was filled with labored breathing. Meanwhile, you sat with a hand clamped over your mouth to stay quiet. Simply being quiet wouldn’t work for long, you knew he would smell you soon enough. Waves of your scent rolled off of you, spreading out in search of the one that knew how to soothe you.

But Joel was gone and this man stood in the way of him being found.

The ground was cold against your fingers as you got up and turned to face your prey. The man didn’t notice you as he was still bent over with his hands on his knees. His face was a deep shade of purple with rivulets of sweat rolling down his forehead. He looked old and not in the way Joel was. This man looked as if he had spent his entire life chugging back drinks and growing out the beer belly that bulged from beneath his coat. A rifle hung from his left shoulder and you watched as he clumsily dropped it to the ground with a grunt. This alpha was big and fearsome, as most alphas usually were, but he was slow.

You could work with that.

Carefully, you stepped towards him and pulled the knife out. Flicking it open, you stalked closer and closer until you smelled the stale cigarettes that clung to his skin. The closer you got, the larger he seemed but he remained blissfully unaware until you stood before him. He froze as the muted scent of a mated omega tickled his nostrils. You watched his jaw lock shut and the muscles in his back tighten as he readied himself to attack. What an idiot, you thought.

The man lifted his head, only to be met with a wicked smile as you pierced his arm with the blade. He roared so loudly that nearby birds took to the skies. A meaty hand reared back to snatch your hair but you yanked the knife out of the wound, forcing a spurt of hot blood to splatter across your face. The coppery liquid landed on your tongue and you gagged at the taste. You slammed the knife back in, this time aiming for his chest and burying it as deeply as it would go.

A small line formed between his bushy eyebrows at the second blow and his hands came up to tug uselessly at the handle. You laughed at his weak attempts to rip the blade from his chest. If he did get it out, the action would only hasten his inevitable end. The man was damned either way. The alpha interrupted your laughter as he spoke up in between pants.

“Didn’t even see it coming,” the man choked out with red bubbles coming from the corners of his lips.

He coughed and swallowed the blood that flooded his mouth before he continued, “Talking all sweet to his mate like a fucking pussy. Like any of your kind deserves that shit, fucking sluts. He thought it was you coming for him. Just looked up at me and boom, out like a light.”

Joel.

It all made sense. They had knocked him out in order to jump him. Of course, that made so much sense. There was no way they could’ve taken him alive if he was awake. Joel wouldn’t have surrendered to anyone, not when you waited for him at home. The alpha had taken him completely off guard and now mocked him for it? You wanted to scream.

“You have no idea what you assholes just started,” you snapped.

The blade was covered in red when you ripped it from his chest cavity. The wound made a wet sucking noise against the metal and he hissed at the pain. You stopped, watching the blood as it dripped down the handle and covered your hand. Another hacking cough from the man sprayed steaming blood on your jacket, onto Joel’s jacket. The man tainting your mate’s clothing was the last straw.

Three more slashes ripped jagged lines into the man’s face before you finally buried the knife in his heart. A silent scream forced his mouth open and you shoved him back against the snow in disgust. A circle of blood spread out from beneath him as his body twitched and you watched it grow. By the time you looked back at his face, he was dead.

You had never killed someone before. The only victims you had on your roaster was a collection of infected and a couple of slow moving rabbits. Those didn’t count. An actual human being was dead at your feet with your knife stuck in his chest. It wasn’t that you were freaked out at the fact that you had killed him. What freaked you out was how good it made you feel.

The feeling was a twisted and greedy thing, shrieking at you from the depths of your soul to turn back to the cabin to rain hellfire down on everyone. An inner battle was waged within you as you gazed upon the corpse. One part of you wanted to rip out the throats of all of the alphas that swarmed your home, while the other part just wanted Joel back.

The sound of crunching footsteps settled the debate and you quickly ripped the knife out before you sprinted towards the river. The wind stung your ears as you ran and pinched at your cheeks. You heard it when one of the alphas reached the discarded corpse but you were so close. He shouted for the others and you hastened your pace, bursting out onto the beach in a frenzied state.

Chunks of ice slammed against the riverbank and sped across the surface. The water itself was quick moving, with white caps and fizzy swirls that tore up every bit of earth they happened upon. Massive rocks poked out from beneath the swells but you couldn’t see how many were hidden.

You knew how to swim. Miriam had taught you once in the summer heat. Ever since that summer, you had grown in ability and frequently escaped with other teens to enjoy it without adult supervision. However, the water you had skinny dipped in once didn’t have a current. These rapids were an entirely different beast. Nevertheless, as heavy footsteps drew near, you found yourself plugging your nose before you jumped in feet first.

The pain was instant. You remembered your mother snapping at you once for getting too near to a frozen pond after the first safe place had fallen. At the time, being no more than six years old, her harsh words had registered as mean. But as the frigid waters sparked every nerve ending in your body and set them on fire, you realized her harshness stemmed from educated fear.

The shock of the cold held you down beneath the waves and you felt your body quickly torn away from the shore. You flipped and somersaulted weightlessly in the rushing waters, every attempt at paddling to the surface useless against the current. More pain erupted from your side as the river slammed you against one of the rocks and a groan was muffled by the water. Desperate to breathe, you sucked in a mouthful of the frigid water but it stung your chest. Panic bloomed from within at the realization that you were drowning.

Your lungs screamed for oxygen but you were stuck, shoved against the solid stone and weighed down by the rapids. Opening your eyes didn’t help, as all you could see from the bottom of the river was black. Was this it? Was this how you would die? You were infuriated at the thought. How could this be the thing that killed you? After everything you had been through, drowning seemed absolutely ridiculous. No, this couldn’t be it. Not with Joel somewhere alone and in pain. Not when you finally had a home. You wouldn’t allow it.

Bubbles were released from your lips as you cried and struggled against the stone. You paused, watching as they floated towards your right side and then it clicked. The strong current had flipped you around and battered you against the rock but all you needed to do was right yourself to push upwards. A chunk of ice thumped against your chest but you ignored the sting as you wriggled around. Placing your feet on the ground, you pushed off with all of your strength. With one final kick against the top of the stone, the crown of your head breached the surface.

You sputtered and fought against the current as it whipped you further downstream. The surroundings were unfamiliar, far away from the spot that you had collected water from for weeks. It was a battle but you used all of your strength to stay afloat, kicking weakly as you tried to find a way to slow down. There was nothing to grab on to and as hard as you paddled, you couldn’t reach the side. You couldn’t help but sink when a huge wave came, slamming you back underwater and cutting off your air supply.

Weakened from the cold, you were losing strength and felt yourself be pulled further away. Hands grappling with the rocks on the bottom to slow down, a scream was silenced by the waters as the jagged edges ripped a nail off of your fingertip. Cold water filled your mouth and you choked on it as your body dragged along the riverbed. Another swell flipped you over, your back colliding with another stone. You splayed out against it, helpless to the current until a chunk of ice knocked you loose.

Death seemed certain. The edges of your mind folded in on themselves and you struggled to hold the memory of Joel’s face in your mind. If you died, you wanted him to be the last person you thought of. Grief pulled at your heart strings and you focused all of your energy on trying to project your thoughts to him. You wished for a miracle. You wished that Joel would hear how sorry you were. For letting him go alone. For the crossfire he was caught in. For not being strong enough to survive.

Just as you accepted your imminent death, you felt yourself fly off of an edge. A gasp of crisp air was all you managed to gulp down before your belly was slapping against the surface of the water again. You braced yourself to be thrown around again but nothing happened.

The current had slowed and you quickly kicked your way to freedom. The moment your head popped up from the depths, you were panting and coughing up bits of the river. Your lungs ached and you retched, a torrent of swallowed water pouring from your mouth as you paddled to shore.

The edges of your vision were blurred as you strained to pull yourself onto the side. All of the muscles in your back protested the movement but you managed to make it by crawling. Sitting back on your knees, you retched a couple more times until the remaining ramen from breakfast laid half digested against the icey shore. With your stomach emptied, you huffed a few more steadying breaths and looked at your surroundings.

The fast running waters dropped off into a wide pool. It was deep enough to dive into and held itself up on a ledge above more rapids below. The excess from the swimming hole poured over its side, pummeling the rocks below before it shot out and resumed the aggressive current. You spied a metal bench someone had left behind on the other side of the river. It was tucked nicely under the branches of the surrounding trees and you realized Joel had mentioned this place before.

Amidst the desperation of the first night of your heat, there had also been bits of downtime. Joel’s body had been slumped over yours when he spoke of it. The feeling of his weight coupled with your fingers shoved in his curls was perfect as you basked in the aftershocks of his brutal thrusts. Deep in the throes of feverish desire, the temperature of the room reached tropical levels. Sweat collected in every crevice of your intertwined bodies but Joel didn’t seem to mind.

“It’s hot,” you whined.

He groaned and you felt it when his cock throbbed at your needy tone. His knot had gone down enough for him to slip out but every time he tried, you locked your ankles around his back in protest. You knew Joel didn’t mind despite his grumbles. Plus, he couldn’t hide the smile when he snuggled his face back in between your breasts and you resumed playing with his hair.

“Want me to move darling?,” Joel mumbled, his voice muffled into your skin.

You giggled at the feeling of his facial hair brushing against your breasts and hugged him closer.

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

Fuck, it was only a few hours since he had left but it felt like days.

You remembered how hard Joel had laughed at that. He had kissed the tops of your breasts before he looked up at you.

“Can’t wait for summer. M’gonna bring you down to the swimming hole, leave your clothes on the bench and take ya right there in the water. Out in the open for anyone to see,” Joel growled.

His words flooded your core with pure desire and turned your tongue into lead.

“Mmmm… Like swimming. S’nice,” you replied dreamily.

Joel had chuckled and you hummed at the way his deep timber buzzed against your ribs. You remembered how lips brushed over your bare neck, laying soft kisses over the spot that he would claim for himself weeks later.

“Well then it’s a plan darling,” you remembered him whispering as he began to thrust into you once more.

The memory forced tears to your eyes as you sat depleted against the shore. Amongst the frozen wasteland, your demeanor cracked against the weight of your isolation. The swimming hole sat right there but it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Tears dripped from your eyes and warmed your cheeks before they froze, becoming frosty reminders of your sorrow. You weren’t supposed to be here alone. This was a place that Joel wanted to show you. The first time seeing it was supposed to be fun. The fantasy of easy summer days spent swimming and fucking was ruined, leaving you absolutely heartbroken as you stared at the bench.

You wanted to wallow, to curl yourself into a ball and cry until the tears were depleted but the string that held the two of you together would not allow it. It thrummed with energy, pulling you from the grief as you felt him slipping further away. It was a constant reminder that your alpha was alive and that grieving his absence was wasted energy that could be used to find him.

With a renewed sense of purpose, you braced your cold hands against the snow and slowly pushed yourself from the ground. The bones in your wrist popped from the weight and you hissed, shaking it out as you looked eastwards. The river water had started to freeze your clothes, stiffening the fabric as you weighed the options.

Cooper had told you not to go west. That was where the danger lay. That was where nightmares came to life and threatened to swallow you whole. That was where your so-called ex husband resided. Could you even call Paul an ex if you never had a choice in the matter? You decided that it didn’t matter. None of it mattered and you ignored Cooper’s advice, turning westward in pursuit of your mate.

“Most of them went back already. Paul got his ass handed to him so they fell back. They took the alpha with them. Swear to God, the big guy looked like he was in better shape than Paul,” the red haired one laughed.

The ginger spat a mouthful of gasoline onto the ground before he shoved the end of it into the bucket. The other one whistled and shook her head, chuckling quietly before she murmured, “Paul’s gonna be pissed that her mate got the jump on him.”

“That’s the thing!,” he boomed in excitement, “It wasn’t even the mate. I swear to God, it was the chick. I’m telling you, she’s a fucking psycho! Beat the shit out of Paul and knocked out his pussy ass brother. Then she slashed up Kennedy and booked it. It was absolutely insane.”

“No fucking way an omega did all of that.”

They bickered back and forth as you listened from behind an empty oil barrel. You tried not to let them get to you, clenching your teeth as you stayed hidden nearby. It had been nearly half a day since you left the cabin and you were close to freezing to death. With the sunlight growing dimmer, you knew that you needed to find shelter or at least a new set of clothes soon.

The cold had been unbearable after only a few hours of stumbling through the woods but the one upside to your travels was finding the plethora of cabins that laid just on the other side of the river. The first cluster had surprised you. It seemed that Joel wasn’t as isolated as he thought. Surely if these existed, other people knew about the cabins buried amongst the greenery.

If either of you had crossed over to the other side of the river just once, you would have found that the reclusive hunter had been fairly surrounded by others on his western side. You had encountered a few other variations of hunting cabins along the way, all of them boarded up. Luckily for you, they had been abandoned but you lacked the strength to pry them open. Each time the door refused to budge you were forced to move on in hopes of finding another safe haven.

After hours, you finally found a contender. Made of brick and a tin roof, the one story cottage was truly a sight for your sore eyes. The latch was padlocked but the door itself bumped against its frame with the wind. All that was needed was one harsh pull and the latch would be torn clean off the side of the cottage. Excitement overtook you and you darted from the treeline, yanking on the front door as hard as you could. It creaked with the weight but remained closed and you tried again.

After your fourth attempt at ripping it open, the screws that kept the latch stuck on the doorframe had almost released themselves but then you heard it. You tilted your head at the sound of a rumbling engine. It took you completely off guard. You hadn’t heard the sound of a vehicle in months. After breaking from your confusion, you quickly vaulted over the rails of the porch and took off running for cover as a weather-beaten truck drove up the overgrown path.

The truck was so large that both of the alphas had to jump down from their seats. You watched as the red haired alpha searched around the area, kicking at the large pile of snow next to the cottage until he foot banged against metal. He had reached down and grabbed the edges of a tarp, revealing an ancient jeep that looked as though it had been untouched for years.

Meanwhile, the other had ripped the door open with ease and searched the space for any sign of you. With the harshness of the wind, you hoped that your scent had been swept away so that you could remain undetected to the pair. When she came up empty, she returned to her friend crouched by the jeep.

As the two of them bickered about whether you had actually bested Paul, you looked towards their truck. The heat of a working vehicle was extremely tempting in your state. It only took a moment of imagining the warm air inside the cab before you decided.

Shaky hands grasped the gun in your pants and fiddled with the chamber, emptying out the bullets to shake out any remaining water. You reloaded it and breathed in, waiting patiently for the right moment. Without the knowledge to do so yourself, you allowed them to take the precious petroleum from the rusted jeep to aid you in the journey.

“Alright, better get going. We’re losing daylight,” the man sighed as he lifted himself from the ground.

The woman turned to look at the ginger while he fiddled with the hose. A response was poised on the tip of her tongue but three shots cut her off. The first was clumsy and ricocheted off of brick into a nearby tree. You were rusty from the little experience you did have but the second shot managed to be a bit closer to its target. The woman shrieked as the bullet lodged itself in her knee and she fell to the ground. The final shot was the most on point as it hit the man square in the crotch. With both alphas on the ground, you sprinted forward.

The man was a lost cause. He didn’t even reach for his gun. Instead he laid on the ground and cupped his ruined genitals as he screamed in agony. You felt nothing at the display except for slight anxiety about the fact that any of his comrades or infected nearby would have heard his dramatics. There was no pity for the alpha. Given the type of man Paul was and the vile threats that had been thrown at you in the kitchen, you figured that this man probably deserved the bullet.

The woman was still alert and reached back to pull at the sling over her shoulder for a gun. Before she could get the long gun from her back, you rushed forward and knocked her flat against the snow. A gust of breath left her lungs as she hit the ice and you wriggled until you were sitting on her chest. Pressing your thumbs into her eye sockets, she screamed again and ripped your hands away before she flipped the two of you over.

The fist connected with your nose and crunched the bone. Tears formed on your lash line at the bright burst of pain. You moved to retaliate but your opponent wasn’t finished. Blood trickled from the bridge as her fist came down again and slammed against your jaw. Again and again, the alpha launched her fists into your face until you felt disconnected from the pain. Buried under the ruthlessness of her attack, you felt as if you were drowning all over again.

Swallowing your pride, you grasped at her belt. You knew that the enticing action would work and it did. Alphas like these only desired one thing, a wet cunt to break on their knot. It didn’t matter where or who it came from. The second the idea of taking you crossed her mind, you had won. A wide grin showcased all of her crooked teeth as you played with the leather and nuzzled the hand that was covered in your own blood. Your brain screamed at you to stop and the mark on your neck ached as you weakly grinned at the woman.

“Aw, if that’s all you wanted, you could've asked. All of us would’ve spread you out real nice, bet that would help with that little attitude problem of yours, hm? You’d like that huh?”

The smell of her arousal would’ve made you retch if you hadn’t already puked your guts out alongside the river just hours before. The scent was all wrong, it was too sweet to be your mate’s and your body knew it. You fought against the biological urge to recoil as your fingers smoothed over the leather in search of something to aid in your escape.

“Maybe I should take you for a little test drive before we get back. You think Paul would mind? I mean, you’re already damaged goods,” she laughed.

A high pitched giggle came from you. It didn’t sound like your normal laugh but somehow she bought it. Your fingers moved towards the front of her pants and you found it. The solid weight of it slipped over your fingertips and you smiled. Looking up at the woman, you batted your eyelashes coyly.

“Mmmm… You know what I would like more than that?” you cooed.

She grinned wider and asked, “What’s that?”

“All of your guts spread out against the god damn ground, you sick fuck.”

The knife sliced into her belly and she gasped. Looking down in shock, the alpha watched as the blade was torn through her lower abdomen in a jagged line. Bloodied tissue was released from its place in her body and it spilled out onto your own. A soft ah fell from her mouth and she collapsed beside you, panting as her life poured out onto the whiteness surrounding her.

The pieces of her that had fallen into your lap produced small puffs in the frigid air. You watched in sick fascination as the mess steamed, wisps of vapor rising up and disappearing with every harsh bout of wind. She was dead when you looked over, graying eyes fixed upon you accusatorially. She wasn’t wrong to glare at you like that from beyond the grave. Hours ago your hands had been clean and as you stared back at her, you realized that she was the third person you had killed in less than 24 hours.

You felt possessed by some greater power as you stood from the ground. The brokenness of your body didn’t bother you as you hobbled towards the cottage. She had nearly beaten you into unconsciousness but you trudged on despite your pounding headache. You barely felt human anymore, just going through the motions as you pilfered through the cottage.

The towel that you used to wipe the blood from your face smelled like dust and blood shot out of your nose as you sneezed from it. Red continued to drip down your face but you just sighed. A mirror hung in the bathroom and you looked into it, noticing how bruises formed beneath your eyes and across your nose. You snorted at the sigh. It reminded you of the panda bears you had seen in a book once as a child.

Your body violently shook from the cold and you tore through the drawers, abandoning your own clothes for a pair of baggy jeans and a thick sweater that advertised The Wyoming Mustangs. More spots of blood stained the collar and you groaned in frustration.

Looking around for anything to stem the flow, you settled on shoving rolled up toilet paper up your nostrils to slow it down. Two pairs of athletic socks replaced your own fuzzier ones and you tried not to grumble at the fabric. Clearly the previous owners of your own home had better taste. After rifling through a plethora of sandals, you managed to find one pair of workboots that would suffice and laced them up as tightly as possible in hopes that it would keep the moisture out.

The only moment of hesitation in your outfit change was the coat. The coat you had with you was one of Joel’s but it was soaked. It didn’t have any real use and you knew he wouldn’t care if you left it behind. But despite the dip in the waters, it still held the faintest whiff of him. You shook your head at yourself. It was just a coat. Still, you knew there was no way you would leave it behind, no matter how irrational it was.

Easing yourself into a stranger’s jacket and throwing Joel’s over your shoulder, you walked towards the truck. Stopping only to collect the discarded weapons and gas, you hurried to the vehicle and threw everything in. You lifted yourself into the obnoxiously large truck with a groan but the second you shut the door, you melted against the driver’s seat.

The cab was still warm and you hastened to turn the keys in the ignition to keep it that way. The engine sputtered once before it roared to life, drawing a sigh of relief from you as you pulled your seat closer to the vents. The warm air was intense, creating pins and needles in your limbs as they thawed out but you kept it cranked. Being cold was one of the things you hated the most in this world and it hadn’t been a problem for a few months. It hadn’t been a problem since Joel came into your life.

The need to cry bubbled up and you desperately tried to shove it down. With a working vehicle and daylight dwindling, what you really needed was to stay on task but the emotions got the better of you.

“Fuck, I miss you,” you croaked, allowing yourself to voice your misery for just a moment.

But there was nobody around to hear. There was nobody coming to rescue you from the people who waited for you ahead. You were just a fool crying out for someone who was incapacitated. Life was not a fairytale where Joel would magically break out of his imprisonment and somehow save you at the very last second. The world was cruel and you realized suddenly that there would be no hero in your life unless you made yourself into one.

“Jesus, get it together woman,” you whispered.

Wiping the tears from your eyes, you looked towards all of the different buttons and the gadgets. Omegas weren’t allowed to drive, that was what Josiah had proclaimed to the group multiple times. They were too easily distracted by simple things, making them prone to accidents. Plus, they weren’t allowed to be away from camp anyways. Driving was never an option when you lived there.

Rachel had given you a few impromptu lessons here and there during your year on the run, allowing you to test the waters in hopes that one day you would find a place more suitable to learn. It was hard to learn with the rugged terrain and hordes of infected. Although she had taught you the basics, it seemed like lifetimes ago and you struggled to remember the finer details. Did D3 mean something different than D2 and D1? Which one were you supposed to use? Did it matter?

The clock in the dashboard changed with each minute that passed and you cussed. There wasn’t enough gas or time for you to freak out like this. Not if you were going to find Joel alive. And fuck, you needed him alive. Swallowing every bit of indoctrinated hesitation and every fear about crashing into the trees, you gripped the gear stick and threw it into D3. It sounded like the speediest option and faster was what you were aiming for.

“Fuck it,” you sighed as you slammed your foot into the gas pedal.

#alpha!joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #omega reader #a/b/o dynamics #angst #tlou fanfic #canon typical violence #joel miller x female reader #violence mention #joel x y/n

45 notes · View notes