#but now I just feel awful and confused and so sad and hurt but also wanting love and soft comfort from men

[bubblegumbeyotch]

.

[butteryunlikelylady]

exhausting to mentally ping pong between “I need to be alone and focus on myself and healing rn” to “I desperately want tender love, affection, comfort, and companionship” I can’t have both at the same time but I actually feel so deprived and crazy rn, why has everything that’s happened to me with men in the last year and a half happened. why do I keep attracting mean men who switch up and hurt me or men who are not as emotionally mature as I am….. what is happening to me I feel like my heart and soul have been put through a blender actually

[fangirl-dot-com]

😾Really Nice Guy Who Hates Only You

*part of the reverse trope series*

Pairing: Oscar Piastri x Celebrity!Reader Genre: Fluff/Miscommunication/Humor/SMAU Summary: Oscar was known to be the epitome of a polite cat. His reputation is that he is genuinely nice to everyone. Well, everyone except for you.

*once again, I have loved writing for this series and it seems like everyone loves these chapters (as they have the highest notes out of all of them). I'm really excited for what is to come! I have loved making all the special tweets and other additions to the posts!*

TAG LIST IS CLOSED

Oscar had been in a bad mood. The garage could practically feel the cloud that surrounded the Aussie as he walked through the garage on Saturday morning for the sprint. The scrunch of the nose and the constant side eyes also gave it away. 

Normally, Oscar tends to be more on the quiet side. But today, he was even quieter. Gone was the polite cat, and it was replaced by a very grumpy feline. 

“Hey Oscar! Come meet our guests!” 

Oscar let out a sigh as he turned around and put a very fake smile on his face. This is the moment he had been dreading ever since you stepped into the garage. He did, or couldn’t, understand why you were wearing his number on the back of the jersey you wore. 

It disgusted him. 

You were very pretty though, he had eyes. Your hair went very well with the papaya orang and your smile could pretty much kill a man in a 10-foot radius. Except that right now, Oscar wanted your perfect hair to catch on fire and he’d avoid the smile. 

When he finally got closer, he stopped a few feet in front of you, not wanting to get too close. Two hands clapped him on the shoulders as Lando started to shake him. 

“So Os-cah, this is Y/n L/n, 2-time Grammy Award winner and probably the prettiest guest we’ve ever had.” 

All right, so Lando was a gonner.

Oscar fought the urge to roll his eyes right into the back of his head so he wouldn’t have to look at you anymore. But your smile was oh-so pretty. You looked at him with wide eyes as you held out your hand for a shake. 

However, Oscar just looked at it, then looked at you. 

“Welcome.”

Lando reeled back, confused at his younger teammate’s coldness. The two watched as your smile faltered just a bit. (If Oscar had any remorse, he didn’t show it.) You were quick to recover and spread another smile, even if this one wasn’t as real as the first. 

You put your hand down as you greeted, “It’s such an honor to finally meet you! I’ve been a fan for what feels like forever.” 

Oscar grunted. “Can’t say the same.” 

You absolutely wanted to whimper. You had been waiting to be invited to a Formula 1 garage ever since you won your first Grammy. And well, you had other offers from Red Bull or Ferrari, but the McLaren garage is the one you wanted to be your first. So, you had declined and declined until you knew that you could meet the driver that you had been following for so long. 

But now that you finally met him, you wondered why he was such an asshole. 

You pushed down your feelings and continued. “That’s ok. My music isn’t for everyone. But I wanted to congratulate you on your rookie season last year!” 

“Thanks.” 

Ok, Lando knew something was up and he couldn’t take the hurt-puppy-eyes coming from you anymore. The Briton was about to say something, but Zak had decided to interrupt with another celebrity guest. 

“Guys, this is Sabrina, she’s also joining Miss L/n in the garage today. Ladies, we have two headsets for you in the back when we’ll go over some last minute car things if you’d like to listen in!” Zak explained. 

It only hurt when Oscar eyes lit up at your fellow musician, brushing past you to personally introduce himself. Lando was now left with a very sad Grammy winner on his hands. He gently put his arm around your waist to bring you to the side.

When a long sigh escaped your lips, Lando felt awful. 

“Y/n, I swear he’s normally the nicest person on the planet. Oscar always seems to love everyone, no matter the guest.” 

Your eyes flitted over to where Oscar was now animatedly talking to Sabrina about her new album. You let out a scoff. 

“Yeah, everyone but me. Maybe I should have just taken the offer from Red Bull or Ferrari.” 

Lando pouted. He knew that you had been a fan of Oscar’s way back to the start of his F2 season. And then you had purposefully put the word McLaren in many different songs. Hell, your newest album titled “Momentum” was basically a love letter to your beloved team. You even had plans to become an investor once you could make the first payment. 

The Briton felt lost. “I was going to find Max and Charles if you’d like to join me?” 

You took one more look at Oscar, not surprised to see him glare at you from the side. That action made up your mind and you agreed to go with Lando. 

Taking with Max and Charles was like a breath of fresh air. The two were great conversationalists and pretty funny. The Monegasque even invited you into one of the media buildings to look at the behind the scenes, which put you in awe. 

The two rivals, thought, couldn’t understand why you were attached to Lando when you had a giant 81 on the back of your jersey. 

“Have you met Oscar yet?” Charles asked. When you tensed, he knew that he had asked a wrong question. Your expression quickly became sad. 

“Yeah. But I don’t think he likes me very much,” you muttered. 

Max scoffed. “That’s absurd. He’s quiet, but he’s nice to everyone.” 

Lando winced. “But for some reason, he was being really rude and just standoff-ish.”  

You looked so dejected. “At first I thought he might not be a fan of my music, but then he was super smiley with Sabrina and we co-wrote most of mine and her songs. So it’s not the genre.” 

The Briton wanted to try to bring your spirits back up, but he noticed the time and said that you and him had to be back at the garage. You said your goodbyes to the Dutchman and Monegasque before you followed Lando back to the garage. 

On your way in, Oscar sent you yet another glare as he got ready to be in the car. 

Although he had been mean, you still said, “Good luck.” 

Maybe he heard you or didn’t, but he never responded or acted like he took it to heart. 

When Oscar was able to overtake multiple cars and finish the sprint in P2, you were ecstatic. His terrible attitude did not hinder your joy for the Aussie. You didn’t secretly call yourself the #1-Piastri fan for nothing. Sabrina laughed next to you as you hopped up and down, glad that your driver finished well in the points. 

It was sad for Lando who didn’t make it past P5, but the Briton explained that qualifying for the actual race is when it truly counted. 

You watched with stars in your eyes as Oscar walked up after Charles to be interviewed by Jensen Button. 

The former driver asked the first question. 

“Oscar, first congrats on the P2, you did a lot of overtaking. Was that in the strategy?” 

The Aussie laughed, really showing that he indeed was polite to everyone. 

“Well the strategy is always to win, but we were close with all the upgrades. It’s been good and I’m ready for the races to come.” 

A few more questions were asked and exchanged before Jensen somehow brought you up. 

“So we saw that Y/n L/n and Sabrina Carpenter were both in the McLaren garage. And we all know that Y/n is a massive McLaren fan as well as your fan. Have you listen to any of her songs?”

Many people definitely saw the change in facial expression when your name was brought up. The smiley Oscar was replaced with a bored one. 

“Well, I don’t really listen to artists who bash or make fun of my driving.” 

Jensen gave me a very curious look. “She actually praises you in most of her songs.” 

The Aussie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, like the one where she said she crashed her McLaren like Piastri.” 

Your eyes widened, along with everyone else in the garage. Those were definitely not the lyrics to one of your songs. Lando also had wide eyes and he was looking right at you, who seemed to be on the verge of a mental breakdown. 

“I would never do that,” you said, looking into Lando’s hazel eyes. The Briton looked puzzled. He had specifically played or sung songs for the Aussie that mentioned McLaren or Oscar. 

You kind of just sank into the background, trying to process what could have gone wrong. Lando on the other hand raced to catch Oscar as he was walking into the garage.

“Mate, what are you doing?” Oscar asked as Lando was directing him to one of the driver rooms. Lando slammed the door and turned to Oscar. 

“What are the lyrics to Y/n’s song?” 

There was another eye roll. “Lando you sung them to me like two weeks ago.” 

Land shook his head. “But tell me.” 

Oscar huffed, “Small talk, big love. Act like you don’t care but I disagree. When I crashed my McLaren like Piastri.” 

“Stop!” 

The Aussie cocked his head. 

Lando continued, “Those aren’t the lyrics you muppet. It’s ‘When I crashed my McLaren like past me.’ A few years ago, Y/n used to wreck a lot of cars at a teen. She got better and decided to buy a McLaren when your seat was announced for 2023. And then she crashed it on accident after she got broken up with.” 

A look of realization washed over Oscar’s face and then a look of dread. A giant sigh left his lips. Lando thought he was going to pass out or something but the second Papaya driver quickly ran out of the room. He stopped short of where you had sat in the back of the garage and quietly started to step closer. 

Your head was in your hands but you looked up when you heard footsteps. You were shocked to be looking at Oscar, who had a guilty look on his face. You shot up out of your seat and began to ramble. 

“Oscar, I swear, I would never back and diss you in any of my songs. You’re truly my favorite driver and I was so excited to meet you. I have put your name in my songs before, but it’s only been praise. I’m so sorry that you’ve been thinking that I’d make fun of your driving and-“ 

Oscar held out a hand to stop you. 

But now it was his turn to ramble, hands flying everywhere. 

“You’re sorry? I’m sorry. I’ve been an utter asshole to you all day. That was horrible of me. Lando sung me the song a few weeks ago, but it was pretty mumbled because he couldn’t remember some of the words and I heard Piastri instead of past me and I just thought the worst and…” 

Lando was having a field day watching you watch Oscar with stars in your eyes as he apologized over and over again. 

The Briton pretended to dust his hands off as he watched Oscar pull out his phone and offer it to you. 

“Another day, another matchmaking completed.”  

y/n_l/n has posted

y/n_l/n thank you so much McLaren for the amazing day today! It was truly a dream come true to meet my all time favorite driver! little surprise for everyone else - Florida is yours (inspired by a special someone) 🧡

liked by mclaren, its_papaya, oscarpiastri, landoscar, and 3,205,195 others

queeny/n OH MY GOSH NEW SONG AFTER THE MIAMI RACE??

y/n&f1 wouldn't the song be written for Logan then?

y/nxoscar she said inspired - didn't mean that it's actually about him

oscah81 P2 SPRINT RACE AND POSSIBLE NEW WAG

landonorris I too would like a song pls

charles_leclerc we all know she wrote golden about me ♥️

maxverstappen1 I claim midnight rain then

landonorris ☹️

y/n_l/n it's ok lando - working on one now!

y/nsgrammy to think that Oscar thought she dissed him when she's like his biggest fan ever

oscargirlie y/n get's us with the second picture

oscarpiastri was the second picture necessary? and Florida? when did you have time to write that??

y/n_l/n 1. yes, it was very necessary, 2. I wrote it when you ignored me

oscarpiastri and you still wrote me a song?

y/n_l/n of course! most of my songs had you written in mind ☺️

oscarpiastri so. . . dress?

y/n_l/n 😳🤭

loscar-land your honor I love them

TAG LIST: @fionaschicken @myxticmoon @cherry-piee @blueberry64857959 @glitterquadricorn @lizzypiastri @sam-is-lost @spilled-coffee-cup @ilove-tswizzle @the-untamed-soul @allenajade-ite @starssfall @torchbearerkyle @judespoision @halfdeadsage @juniper-july19 @severewobblerlightdragon @thatgirlmj @gods-menace @ineedafictionalman @namgification @dark-night-sky-99 @samantha-chicago @2pagenumb @treehouse-mouse @fangirl125reader @megatrilss1885 @kagatinkita @itsjustkhaos @nikfigueiredo @awekbachira @vellicora @skepvids @sunrizef1 @stan-josie @fanficweasley @hiireadstuff @barcelonaloverf1life @c-losur3 @graciewrote @bruhhhhhhhhehhhhhhh @tallrock35 @ashy-kit @kat-s2 @minkyungseokie @lozzamez3 @leslieis-crying @adventuresofrose @lighttsoutlewis

[yamujiburo]

Here's an arc I thought about doing but won't do because, it'd be a bit too sad and also it's too similar to the Turing Point Arc I already did and also it would be long. But I'll write it here for you angst enjoyers. This ended up being longer than I thought.

Despite getting the "okay" from Ash to date Jessie, Delia still worries that she's not doing the right thing or being a bad mom. Up until now she'd convinced herself that she had the right to be selfish for once after knowing only sacrifice and putting herself last.

Jessie and Ash, while not as antagonistic towards each other, still go at it. A Pikachu zap here, an angry "twerp" being uttered there. The guilt settles in for Delia and figures that it's best to just cut things off before things potentially get worse or before she gets too attached to Jessie. Her son comes first after all. That's what she signed up for when becoming a parent.

She sits Jessie down, eyes watery (it's the first time Jessie's ever seen Delia come close to crying). Delia says she thinks they should end things. Jessie is stunned but accepts it quickly. She sucks it up in the moment, puts a resigned smile on her face and tells Delia she'll leave immediately and not to worry about her. Delia's also broken up about it but promised herself she'd never cry over a goodbye and she wasn't gonna start now.

Jessie goes to James and Meowth's place greeted similarly to this, lightly teasing her about blowing it with Delia, and she breaks down sobbing. Oops it's real this time. James and Meowth do everything in their power to make her feel better. They let her know that things like this happen and they're ready to go wherever she wants to go (knowing that it'd likely be to painful for her to stay in Pallet). As much as she wants to leave, she doesn't want James and Meowth to lose the good thing they have going. She's not in the right headspace to make any decisions so she'll get to it later.

Ash returns home after doing a little training at Oak's lab. He notices Jessie's not around and asks his mom where she is. Delia is about to tell him but can't quite bring herself to say the truth out loud yet. She simply says "I don't know". Ash looks disappointed. "Aw man, I wanted to see if she wanted to battle. She makes a good battle buddy for all of my newer, baby Pokémon." Delia perks up that this. As quickly as he came, he leaves again to go train his Pokémon.

Later, Delia approaches Ash, asking him if he really meant that what he said about Jessie being a good battle partner. He gives her an enthusiastic "yeah!" and tells her that it's been nice having another battle ready trainer around since there's not many in Pallet. Delia starts to pry a little more. "I thought you and Jessie didn't get along?" Ash is confused, and tells Delia they get along great! "Jessie doesn't steal anymore! And she's getting better at battling which is cool." Delia brings up that she's head them argue before. "Oh... well I guess that's just how we are. I'd be weirded out if she was suddenly too nice to me all the time. Jessie's actually a lot like Misty. But taller!" This gives Delia a lot to think about but what's done is done and it's no use pressing on. It's easier this way.

The next morning Delia's getting ready for work. She must not have noticed that she was acting weird but Ash picks up on it. "What's wrong mom?" Delia's shocked he noticed (he's not usually this perceptive). She tells him it's nothing and that she just slept bad. "Hm. But Jessie says that when you're upset you get really quiet and intense." Delia notices that she was pretty intensely mixing the pancake batter. "Jessie told you that?" Ash nods. "Hey speaking of, where is Jessie? Haven't seen her since yesterday." Delia stops mixing and tells Ash that she and Jessie aren't together anymore. Ash is confused and upset at the idea of Jessie doing something that would hurt his mom enough for them to break up. Delia lets him know that Jessie didn't do anything like that and that them breaking up was just for the best. But Ash questions this, pointing out that he's never seen Delia as happy as she was when Jessie was there and also how Delia looks really sad now. Delia can't argue with that but then tells him that it's complicated. Ash, to Delia's surprise, looks a bit disappointed. He's bummed he wasn't able to say goodbye first and asks if she thinks Jessie would still be willing to come by and train with him sometimes. Delia asks him once more if he was really okay with her and Jessie dating. "Yeah I thought I said that already? Jessie's pretty cool when she's not being evil. And she really likes Pokémon which is a plus!" Such simple criteria. Delia's now worried that she might've made a mistake. She finishes making breakfast and heads to work.

At the restaurant she's met by James. She can feel an awkwardness hanging in the air. She knows that James knows. Before she can say anything James tells Delia thank you for employing him and helping him, Meowth and Jessie get back on their feet but that he's going to quit working at the restaurant and that they'll likely be leaving Pallet soon. Delia's heart sinks. There's now a ticking clock and she has to decide what she wants to do SOON. She asks James where Jessie is. James hesitantly tells her that she's at his and Meowth's place. Delia pleads with James to work the restaurant for one more day at least and to cover this shift. She has to go talk to Jessie. He agrees, hoping that this is a good thing.

Delia runs to James and Meowth's place. She knocks on the door upon arrival and waits. It takes a moment but she hears the door unlock. Jessie opens the door, disheveled, tears and snot all over her face, draped in a blanket. Jessie notices it's Delia and, frightened, slams the door. Delia's stunned for a moment and goes to knock on the door again but before she can the door opens. This time Jessie's tears are gone, her hair's fixed and she ditched the blanket. "Oh hey, Delia! What brings you here?" Delia can't help but be charmed. But this is serious. She shakes it off and asks if they could talk. Jessie invites her in. They get to the couch and Jessie starts frantically cleaning up all the crumpled tissues and dirty dishes off the ground. "Heh I caught a cold yesterday. A one day cold. I'm fine now." Delia doesn't call out the obvious lie and gets straight to the point.

She tells Jessie that she's worried she made a mistake. She made a panicked decision that she was hoping would protect Ash and her future self. But now realizes that she was afraid of the idea that she'd made a selfish decision by dating her. It was a selfish decision but that didn't mean it was a bad one. She was the happiest she'd been, Jessie and Ash were learning to get along and were getting along much better than she'd though. She acknowledges that Jessie has been there for Ash in a way that she can't quite be and is also grateful to her for managing to keep Ash home a little longer. She asks if Jessie would be willing to take her back (despite the distress she caused). Jessie starts sobbing with happy tears. She tearfully says she'll try even harder to get along with Ash and be a better person. Delia reassures her that she's doing just fine.

They kiss passionately but then realize it's weird that they're making out in James in Meowth's place and say they'll continue later. Delia tells Jessie to head back home and that Ash is looking forward to battling with her (and she also needs to let James and Meowth not to quit their jobs).

The end~

[zoesmp4]

WARMTH “and so, you drifted into sleep, finding solace in the warmth of his presence.” daryl dixon x fem!reader

tags: hurt to comfort, ass ending (i tried 💔), swearing, reader is on her period, short

a/n: first daryl fic woop woop!! everyone say thank you gracie cs she requested yet another good fic idea 😵‍💫 so it was supposed to be a fluff but it ended up being a htc.. oopsies.. but hope ygs enjoy!!

there were many perks that came from being a female. but periods? not one of them. you don’t know why your younger self was so eager to get it. to put it simply, periods sucked. they made you feel awful. 

before the apocalypse it was already pretty hard for you. but now, it was incomparable. after all, it’s not like you had shit just laying around to help you. 

so, whatever you thought was “rough” back then, it was way rougher now. when it was your time of month. you would get cranky, a stark contrast to your usual bubbly demeanor. on top of that, you also had to deal with the fatigue and endless mood swings. 

the worst thing though, was the cramps. the constant waves of sharp pain pushed you to your limit. 

they were also the reason you were currently perched on your bed, back leaning against the headboard, with your knees held up to your chest. 

honestly, it had been a decent day until now. you did some stuff to help out, and caught up with your friends. you were able to partially take your mind off of the discomfort you were feeling. 

but of course, the stupid cramps ruined it all. you had to excuse yourself before hastily making your way back to your room. you practically collapsed onto your bed the second you walked in. 

and that’s how you found yourself in this situation. if anyone walked by your room, they would assume you were dying. or atleast, that’s what your countless groans made it sound like. 

to your luck, you suddenly felt the urge to cry. “suck it up.” you told yourself, knowing that this was another dumb mood swing which was a normal occurrence during your period. but, you lost the battle between your emotions and you. 

with the pain coming from your cramps, and the sudden sadness you felt, you couldn’t stop yourself. tears welled up in your eyes and cascaded down, mimicking a waterfall.

only a few moments later, you jumped slightly when you heard a loud knock at your bedroom door. the person didn’t even wait for your response before barging in. that sort of thing would’ve annoyed you if it was any other person, but it was daryl. 

you felt slightly embarrassed that he was seeing you in this state, but he was your boyfriend. he’s seen you at your worst. he quickly walked over to to your bed, his footsteps echoing. 

“what’s up with ya? heard ya weren’t feeling too good.” he said, sitting down on your bed. he placed the back of his hand onto your forehead, checking to see if you were sick. after noticing you didn’t have a fever, he wiped his thumb under your eyes to wipe away the hot tears.

“no fever. why do ya look like yer bout’ to hurl?” he asked. the vision he put in your head didn’t make you feel any better. daryl didn’t know that much about periods, but you couldn’t blame him. 

you opened your mouth to reply, but instead you let out another groan. he looked at you with concern in his eyes. “what do ya need? what’s wrong?” he grunted out. 

all you needed was something that would relieve these fucking cramps. you needed a heating pad, but of course, you didn’t have one. so, you did the only thing that could help you in that moment. 

you gently pulled your boyfriend’s head down to rest on your lap. you sighed in small relief. the feeling of his warmth coming into contact with your body felt nice. 

meanwhile, daryl on the other hand was full of confusion. “the hell ya doin’?” he asked. “shut up, just give me a minute.” you mumbled, closing your eyes.

he wanted to protest, but he held himself back. he knew this was helping you, and thats all he really cared about. “get to sleep angel.” he quietly muttered.

and so, you drifted into sleep, finding solace in the warmth of his presence.

[silverb0wties]

Lemonade - Part 5

leah williamson x alessia russo x child!reader

Summary: When something bad happens to your Mummy and Daddy, you end up living with your Aunty Lessi and Aunty Leah.  But is there room for you considering they have a new baby on the way?

Chapter Summary: the aftermath of your concussion

Warnings: pregnancy, self-harm, disordered eating, bullying

a/n: sorry if this chapter is a little bit dark in parts. if you're still reading the series, thanks so much for sticking with me. I appreciate it more than you know.

|| Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 ||

PART 5

You woke up on a plastic bed in a room that smelled like the awful cream your Mummy would rub on her legs after Netball, surrounded by a million different kinds and colours of sellotape.

You could hear voices, and you looked over to the corner of the room to find your Aunty Leah consoling your Aunty Lessi as she cried.  She looked distraught, her eyes red and puffy with tears.

“I should have known it would overwhelm her.  I was just so excited to share this with her…”

“Babe, she’s going to be okay.  We’re still learning all this, yeah?”

“But we’re meant to protect her, and… and I- I…” Aunty Lessi choked on her words before Aunty Leah cut her off.

“And I should have had a tighter grip on her when I saw she was panicking.  Like I said, we’re both still learning how to do this.  The medics said she’s got a bit of a concussion, but she’ll be alright.  We know how concussions work, so we’ve just got to keep our eyes on her and make sure she gets lots and lots of rest.”

There was a quiet knock at the door, before an important looking lady with a clipboard came in.

“Less, sorry but we need to know if you’re going to play the second half or not?” she asked.

As your Aunties turned toward the door, they realised that you were awake.

“Oh Bunny, sweetie, you’re awake.  How are you feeling?” your Aunty Lessi rushed over to you, her hands coming down to gently cradle the sides of your head.

You looked up at her a bit stunned, rather confused about why you were where you were and why everyone seemed so upset.

“Does your head hurt?  Do you feel sick or dizzy at all?” she asked, her hand softly brushing through your hair.

You tried to think about if you felt sick or dizzy, but all you could really feel was a powerful throbbing rattling through your head.  You also felt really, really tired.  But you had just woken up, so that could perhaps explain that.  You don’t remember going to sleep though, which was starting to concern you.

“I feel okay,” you replied, trying to brush away your Aunty’s concern.

“Alessia, sorry, we need t-” the lady at the door began to ask again.

“I won’t be playing, sorry.  My family is more important right now,” Aunty Lessi told her.

“Less, you should go play.  I’ll stay with Bunny and make sure she’s-”

Your Aunty Lessi whipped around to face Aunty Leah. “No, Leah.  I’m not leaving her.  She’s hurt.   We’ll get a car to take us back to the training centre so we can go home early,” she insisted firmly.

Aunty Leah replied with a sad smile and a nod.  “I’ll go get our stuff packed up then, yeah?”

“I’m okay Aunty Lessi, you should play!” you tried to insist.

“No Bunny, there would be no point in me playing anyways.  I would be so distracted out there and worrying about you I would probably kick the ball into the wrong goal by mistake.”

By the time you finally got back home that night, your head was still pounding and you were struggling to stay awake.  You were trying your hardest to be big and brave and pretend like you were okay, but as soon as you stepped into bath, your whole façade fell apart.  As the warm water lapped at your tense muscles, which you now realised you’d been clenching in an effort to distract from the pain in your head, your resolve melted and you began to weep.

You brought your knees up to your chest and dropped your head forward, your hands entwining at the back of your head as your little body shook with each sob.  The tears and jagged breaths only intensified the pain in your head though, which in turn caused more tears and jagged breaths.  You tried your hardest to stay as quiet as possible, but you were aware that your cries were becoming increasingly vocal.

There was soon a soft knock at the door, followed by your Aunty Lessi’s voice.  Whilst making sure you still got clean and dressed, your Aunties had always tried to give you your privacy while bathing and dressing, which you appreciated.  They were your Aunties, but it still felt weird being undressed around people who weren’t your parents.

“Bunny?  Are you okay?” she called through the closed door.

“It hurts” you cried in response.

“What hurts honey?”

“Everything.  My head hurts most.”

“How about we give you some medicine to make it hurt less, yeah?”

“Okay.”

“And then we can get you to bed, and you can try and get some rest, alright?”

“Okay.”

There was a short pause.  You’d assumed your Aunty had gone away to get the medicine, but then you heard her voice again.

“Bun, you don’t always have to try and be big and brave y’know?  If you’re hurting, you can tell us.  Always.  I promise you won’t be in trouble or we won’t make fun of you or anything.  We just want you to feel okay.”

“Okay.”

You didn’t fully believe her.  You wanted to, but a part of you still believed that there was only so much love and affection to go around and you needed to space that out at least until Lemonade arrived.  You didn’t want to use it all up on this incident.

So you tried your hardest to push the pain down and away as you quickly washed yourself.  You managed to get yourself up and out of the bath and wrapped in a towel before there was a knock at the door again.

“You can come in,” you mumbled, making sure the towel was secured tightly under your arms.

Your Aunty Lessi entered with a little cup filled with pink medicine and a cup of water.  She kneeled down to your height as she offered it to you.

“Now it says strawberry flavoured on the bottle, so hopefully it won’t taste too bad.”

You gingerly took the cup and gulped the medicine down, wincing at the distinctly fake strawberry taste.  You quickly grabbed the cup of water from your Aunty’s other hand and skulled that down to wash away the lingering flavour.

“Good job, Bun.  Now let’s get you into your PJ’s and into bed, yeah?”

By the time you were under the covers, arms tightly wrapped around your beloved Arthur, the pain in your head had dulled to only a mild ache.

“Goodnight sweet girl” your Aunty Lessi whispered, kissing the top of your head.

“Night Aunty Lessi” you mumbled back.

It was the first time you slept through the night without waking up to a nightmare since the fire.

--

You woke up to the smell of Aunty Lessi’s lasagne wafting through the house.  However, as you opened your eyes and came to your senses, you immediately panicked. 

You were not in your own bed. 

You were in your Aunties bed.

You had no idea how you’d come to be in their bed.  The last thing you remembered you were lying on the floor in the loungeroom studying one of the books the Arsenal girls had given you about football.  You were trying to understand where all the different positions were on the pitch and what responsibilities each position had.  You had been figuring out the difference between a centre-back and a full-back when you had… fallen asleep.

Bad. Bad. Bad.

Whilst it had been a few days now since your accident and you’d had a couple of days off school and your head no longer hurt, you were still feeling extra extra tired from your concussion.  You’d spent most of that day at school trying to hide your yawns from your teacher and classmates.  When you’d been given some free time after finishing one of your activities ahead of the rest of the class, the same group of students that always seemed to catch you at your weakest had caught you dozing off in the corner of the room where you’d been reading.  They’d tied your shoelaces together and were starting to draw on your arm when you woke up.  You hadn’t realised they’d also put rolled up pieces of paper in your hair braid until your Aunty Leah pointed them out when she picked you up.

You’d tried to brush it off and said it was just a game all the kids were playing with each other, but the concerned frown your Aunty gave you implied she didn’t quite believe your lie.

“You know you can tell us if there’s anything going wrong at school, yeah?  If anyone’s picking on you or calling you names or anything?”

You just nodded.  There was no way you would ever tell your Aunties what was really happening at school.  You would just deal with it like a big girl.  Push through.  Be brave.  They had bigger things to worry about than some kids putting paper in your hair and saying mean things.  Your Aunty Leah was growing a human AND mending her busted knee for heaven’s sake!  You could deal with some silly paper in your hair.

When you’d got back to the house, you went straight to your room to undo your braid and pluck all the little pieces of paper from your hair.  You’d counted them (23 in total) before scrunching them up and throwing them in the little wastepaper basket beside your desk. 

As the paper hit the basket, a tiny ball of raging heat began bubbling in your chest.  You didn’t know what to do with it or how to describe it, but it made you want to stomp your feet and hit a wall and scratch at your skin.  You’d never been the best at describing emotions, but you were pretty certain this wasn’t sadness.  Perhaps, this was anger? Frustration? Disappointment? 

The tiny ball continued to bubble and grow as you lunged for your bed where Arthur lay.  You attempted desperately to use your tried and tested method of rubbing his ear against your cheek to calm the feeling, and whilst it felt nice, it did nothing to soothe your need to stomp or hit or scratch.

You searched your room urgently for something else to ease the searing heat in your chest, even gulping down the remnants of a cup of water on your bedside table.  But nothing worked.  You needed to stomp or hit or scratch.  You knew couldn’t stomp your feet or hit a wall, because that would be loud, and your Aunty would hear and come ask what was wrong.  So, you decided to scratch. 

You had to pick somewhere not too visible so that if you left a mark, nobody would see and ask what happened.  So, you tugged up the hem of your school dress and pushed down your tights and began scratching at the skin at the top of your right thigh.

The relief was instant. 

The second your nails dug into your flesh, the little ball of heat in your chest began to cool.  You scratched and scratched, and scratched some more until it finally, finally disappeared.  By the time you eventually stopped, your skin was stinging, and your fingers were cramping.  But the little ball of heat was gone, and that was all that mattered.

There was a gentle knock on the door as you speedily pulled your tights back up, wincing as they brushed against your newly tender skin.

Your Aunty Leah popped her head in through the door, “Bun, do you want a snack? I got some blueberry muffins from the bakery…”

“Oh… um, yeah, I’ll be right down, just getting that paper out of my hair,” you mumbled, quickly running your fingers through the ends of your messy blonde mane.

“Alright, I’ll pop them in the microwave to warm them up,” she replied before heading back downstairs to do so.

As you heard her footsteps fade away, you turned around and pulled your tights down again, trying with all your might not to release a pained noise as the fabric ripped away from your newly raw skin.  The area you’d scratched was an angry red colour and the skin seemed wet, but there was no blood, which whilst a relief, made no sense to you.

Not wanting to keep your Aunty waiting, you hastily pulled your tights the rest of the way off and threw them in your laundry hamper.  The house was warm enough, but you decided to grab your soft little blanket that had purple and grey clouds, as well as the book on football you had been reading and the little notebook you’d been making notes in (and Arthur of course), and head downstairs.

“Perfect timing Bun, just took them out of the microwave.  Do you want a drink?”

“I’m okay.  Thank you, Aunty Leah, this looks lovely” you replied, climbing up onto a stool in front of the kitchen bench where a little plate with a yummy looking blueberry muffin sat.

“Well, we all know the kitchen is Aunty Lessi’s domain.  That woman can cook like a dream!  But I’m not too shabby at picking out a good pastry.  I guess you could say bread and bread-adjacent foods are my domain,” she teased.

You giggled as you tucked into your muffin, appreciating your Aunty Leah’s silly jokes about how bad at cooking she was and how limited the range of foods she ate was.  Your extended family often seemed to tease her a bit about being a picky eater and she would usually laugh it off or join in on the joke.  But you knew it was something she was actually a bit self-conscious about. 

A few days into your stay here you’d gone to the fridge to grab some milk for your cereal and had accidentally knocked a container off a shelf.  As you bent down to pick it up, you noticed a little letter stuck to the lid that read “Leah, my love, it’s okay if you can’t eat this.  I know you tried and I’m proud of you.  Please just make sure you eat something or at least have a protein smoothie.  For you and for ‘L’.  Love you – xx Less.”  You’d immediately felt guilty for reading it as you rushed to put it back on the shelf, knowing you’d intruded on a bit of your Auntie’s privacy.  You’d seen a few similar little notes stuck to containers since then.  At the time you’d been very confused about what “for you and for ‘L’” meant, but you had since figured out it meant ‘for you and for Lemonade’. 

When you finished your muffin, you wriggled off the stool and headed over to place your plate in the dishwasher.

“Are you done with your plate too, Aunty Leah?” you offered.

“Oh, thanks sweetie, you didn’t have to do that,” she replied as she passed you her plate with a smile.  “Feel free to watch something on the telly if you want.  I’ve got a bit of boring adult housework stuff to catch up on before Aunty Lessi gets home.”

“Is there anything you need help with?” you asked.

“No, no.  I’ve just got to do a couple of loads of laundry and there’s no way I would make you deal with Aunty Lessi’s gross smelly training socks!  It’s bad enough poor little Lemonade is stuck with me and can’t escape from it,” she laughed, jokingly shielding her belly from the smell.

“Is it okay if I just read in the loungeroom?” you asked.

“Of course it is!  Just remember if your head starts to hurt or you’re feeling too tired or anything, to have a rest, yeah?” she smiled at you, stroking her fingers affectionately through your hair.

“I will, thank you.”

So, you made yourself comfortable in a little spot on the loungeroom floor, surrounded by a couple of cushions, the blanket you’d brought down from your room and, of course, Arthur.  Soon you were laying on your belly, nose deep in the book and jotting down notes in your notebook all about what a penalty shootout was and what circumstances led to one.  You drew a little picture of the goal and the line markings and where the goalie had to stand and where the other players had to stand, before turning back to the book to read about in-game penalties when slowly but suddenly you… were… asleep.

The next thing you knew you were waking up in your Auntie’s bed to the smell of your Aunty Lessi’s lasagna.

The realisation hit you like a hundred bolts of lightning.

You’d slept in someone else bed.

Bad. Bad. Bad.

Bad things happen when you sleep in someone else’s bed.

The last time you’d slept in someone else’s bed, your house burned down, and your Mummy and Daddy had died.

You jumped out of the bed as though it was burning you, panic rattling all through your little body.

“Bad. Bad. Bad.”

Your right hand began hitting at the side of your head before you even knew it was happening.

“Bad. Bad. Bad.”

Your other hand clawed at the skin of your neck, scratching determinedly at the tender skin there.

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

You tried so hard to stop them, but your feet began to stomp loudly, your whole body seemingly moving with a mind of its own.  Everything around you seemed like it was spinning.  You thought you could smell smoke and when your eyes began to water you weren’t sure if it was because you were crying or if it was because there was actually smoke. 

You vaguely heard a commotion and saw the door swing open, but everything around you continued to spin making you feel like throwing up.  You couldn’t throw up in your Auntie’s bedroom!

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

“Bunny?  Sweetie, what’s going on?”

You could hear your Aunty Lessi’s voice and feel her presence, but the only word you could think was ‘BAD’.

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

The word kept falling from your lips and you continued to stomp and hit and scratch.

“Okay, Bun.  I’m going pick you up so you stop hurting yourself sweetie.  I need to make you nice and safe, alright?”

Again, you heard your Aunty but all you could think was ‘BAD’.

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

Carefully you felt your Aunty wrap her arms around you, trapping your arms and lifting you off the ground.  You struggled as your body fought to keep hitting and scratching and stomping, but she gently tugged your hands away from your neck and head, tucking them tightly against her chest.

“You’re okay, lovely.  You’re safe, I promise.  It’s just you, me and Aunty Leah here okay.  Nothing bad is going to happen alright?  We’re safe.  You’re safe.  Everything’s okay…”

“Bad. Bad. Bad.”

“What do you mean by bad, Bun?” Aunty Lessi asked.

You shook your head, unable to explain yourself.  All you could say was “bad.”

“Oh sweetie, you haven’t done anything bad.  You’re not in any kind of trouble.  I promise.  And nothing bad is going to happen either, okay?” she whispered.

You began to slowly unclench in her arms, comforted by the soothing way she was swaying gently.  Eventually you opened your eyes to see your Aunty Leah standing in the doorway watching on, her face red and blotchy as though she’d been crying.

You immediately came back into your body, realising whatever you’d just done had upset your Aunty Leah.  You tried to wriggle slightly to free yourself from your Aunty Lessi’s grip, but she tightened her hold.

“Not yet sweetie.  I need to what’s going on?  What happened?” she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed with you in her lap.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.  I didn’t mean to be bad and upset Aunty Leah.  I’m so sorry.  I promise I’ll be good.  I promise.”

“Darling, you didn’t upset me” your Aunty Leah assured you as she came over to sit next to Aunty Lessi on the bed.

“But your face is blotchy like you’ve been crying” you replied, your Aunty Lessi finally loosening her grip on her as your reached toward Aunty Leah.

“Well, it’s because I have been, but it’s not because you upset me.  I’m just worried about you is all.  Why were you hurting yourself?” she asked, taking your hand in hers.

“I just had to.  I don’t know.  I just did.  I was bad.”  You jumped off Aunty Lessi’s lap and started pacing on the floor in front of her and Aunty Leah.   “I woke up in this bed and I had no idea why I was in your bed and all I could think was ‘bad’ and I just did it without realising.”

“I washed your sheets and they’re in the dryer.  So, when you fell asleep on the loungeroom floor, I just put you in here for your nap.  I didn’t mean for it to upset you so much, sweetie,” Aunty Leah explained, tears still rolling down her cheeks.

“You didn’t upset me, I just I don’t want you and Aunty Lessi and Lemonade to die too!”

You heard your Aunties gasp at your explanation, but you just kept pacing, trying to figure out a way to stop the inevitable from happening.

“Bunny, oh my goodness, why would Aunty Leah and Lemonade and I die because you had a nap in our bed?”

“Because that’s what happened when I slept in Mummy and Daddy’s bed!”

You watched as your Aunties exchanged a series of looks.  The seemed confused and shocked, which was confusing and shocking to you, because it all seemed so obvious.

“Darling, your Mummy and Daddy didn’t die because you slept in their bed,” Aunty Leah tried to tell you.

“Yes, they did!  They did.  They DID!  I know they did!  It’s the only thing different I did that night from all the other nights.  I had done so so good all summer getting into my big girl routine and kept it up really well for the first couple of weeks of school.  But then… then I slipped up, and I was bad and I asked to sleep in bed with Mummy and Daddy that night.  And and th- the fire happened.  And if I had of been in my own room, I could have got myself out.  Because we’d practiced.  Daddy made sure we practiced.  And and and then… then Da-Daddy wouldn’t have needed to get me out and he could have helped Mummy because of her leg.  And they could have got out too.  But I was bad.  I slept in a bed that wasn’t mine.  When I should have just slept in my own bed, like a good girl.  Like a big girl.  And now they’re dead.  They’re both dead.  And it’s my fault.  And now what if you die too!?”

[buckyandgeraltsupremacy]

remus x shy!reader (part 4)

author: sj

warnings: fluff; angst for remus lol; reader is in hufflepuff; uses she/her pronouns; not edited

done with finals!! now battling the want to only read fics and not write, let me know if you want a confession from rem!!

masterlist

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 5

---

it was the day of the date and remus had been up since 4 am. he couldn't stop thinking about your date. however bad he hoped it would go, he didn't want your first date experience to be horrible. he wanted you to be treated how you deserve and to have a lovely time while also never ever wanting to see the fool again. and that is why he had woken up at 4 in the morning and couldn't stop the fight in his mind.

it was 11:30am and he was laying on the couch in the common room, one foot on the ground tapping constantly. the boys had decided to stay in this morning because james was worried they'd run into you and that sirius would end up embarrassing you and ruin your date.

"moony, if you don't stop tapping your foot, i'm going to lose my mind." sirius grunted, head in his hands covering his ears from the tapping noise.

"she should be done with her date now, right? its been 2 hours. why isn't she back yet?" remus asked.

"relax you love sick dog. your precious wife will be returned soon." sirius replied dramatically, rolling his eyes at how abserd this whole situation was. "if you had only confessed your love for her when you had the chance, she wouldn't be snogging another fella while you fumed the whole time." he added. remus shot upright on the couch with a wide eyed expression and a look of dread covering his features.

"here she comes!" peter shouted, holding the marauder's map in his hands, walking into the common room where the other boys were. all of their heads turned towards the portrait hole where it swung open and you stepped through.

you were excited to tell the boys all about it, but you weren't quite expecting them to all be staring at you when you got back.

"well, hi." you said, cheeks flushing more than they already were, glancing towards the floor to not meet their eyes. you sat down on the couch next to remus like normal, not sensing the tension in his body, only feeling their eyes on you.

"WELL??? i need all the details. spill your guts flea!" sirius cried across from you.

"it was okay! it wasn't bad! but it also wasn't great. like it was pleasant but it wasn't anything to write home about. is that good? like are you supposed to know if you want to marry him already?" you rambled, entire face flushing and not meeting their eyes.

"aw, hoppers. i'm sorry it didn't go well." james consoled you.

"what do you mean?" you asked, confused why he sounded sad for you.

"well, it didn't sound like there was any chemistry, that's important if you're gonna date someone." james explained.

"flea, i know it's your first date ever, but even i thought you'd know that." sirius shrugged. at the mention of it being your first date, you tensed and shot a look a remus, hurt that he spilled a secret to the boys. remus met your gaze with a look of panic.

"that wasn't me! i swear it! i didn't tell them!" he yelled.

"oh he didn't tell us, but the way you were acting before was kind of obvious and the fact that remus would've known that you were dating someone before you were part of our group and you certainly haven't since we've been friends because of remus' behavior." sirius explained, you relaxed and reached to touch remus' leg.

"sorry for thinking that you told them when you didn't ." you apologized and remus nodded back.

"its fine bun, i'm not hurt." he said, covering your hand with his.

"so hoppers, did you snog him?" sirius asked crudely. your cheeks flushed bright red.

"that is none of your business sirius! and a lady never kisses and tells!" you exclaim, avoiding all their eyes. "i told him that it would be best if we were friends, and he agreed. i don't think dating is for me, i just got so anxious before! and the thought of having to go on another date, just makes me nauseous." you say, leaning onto remus' shoulder and resting your head.

"thats okay, bun. you don't have to date if you don't want to." remus patted your thigh, his heart soaring that he won't have to go through this again. he knew he'd have to tell you that he liked you soon, the thought of you with someone else almost killed him.

"thanks rem." you mumbled back, sinking deeper into his side.

sirius observes this going on, looking to james and mouthing, 'are they fucking idiots??'

james simply rolled his eyes in response.

[foli-vora]

without you

matt murdock x f!reader

A/N: made myself hurt with this one tbh. I'll think about a part 2 if enough are interested, but I'll warn you - it won't be a happy ending lmao. Enjoy the angst-fest loves! x

Summary: You return after the 'blip'. Five years is a long time, and a lot of things can happen in that time.

Word count: 2.1kish

Warnings: ANGST. ANGST ANGST ANGST. i got sad af writing this. i don't even know what to put in the warnings. the events of infinity war & endgame, brief mention of the avengers, severe and utter fucking heartbreak, i would lose my fucking mind coming home after an apparent 5 years and finding the love of my life *******, lots of anxiety/panic, severe panic attack, passing out. no hate to karen here - she's a fucking babe.

-

It happens within a blink.

One moment there’s no one, and the next, an older woman is suddenly standing in your way and you can’t help the brief twitch of annoyance that she’s there. You have a meeting, you have groceries to get… you can’t just play chicken with a stranger on the pavement all afternoon.

She freezes, like many others you notice, and your frown deepens, confusion starting to take over the irritation. They all look at you, but not just you.

Time seemingly comes to a momentary freeze and you just don’t understand. Why is she looking at you like that?

The next minute—panic.

There’s a rush.

People scramble for their phones, they run. Cars swerve and there’s chaos. There are people crying, people start screaming, but there’s also awe, laughter. People embrace strangers. You know they’re strangers by the way they look around in complete bewilderment in the arms of the other, seemingly just as confused as you.

Five years.

Why do you keep hearing ‘five years’? Why are shop fronts different? What the hell has happened? 

“You’re… you’re all back,” the woman utters, tears starting to build along her lash line.

Back?

You feel it in the pit of your stomach, a sick feeling of dread slowly building until it feels like it sticks uncomfortably in your throat. Something happened. You don’t know what, you don’t know how, all you know is that you need to go home immediately.

It’s halfway back to the apartment, after passing things that weren’t there previously, shops that you had passed just hours before now different, and your phone simply refusing to connect for unknown reasons, that you break into a panicked run.

You want home, you want somewhere familiar.

Matt left for work the same time as you—would the new mayhem taking over the streets bring him home to you? Maybe he’d already be waiting, sensing the frenzy before you?

The view of your building is a welcome relief, and you slow as you reach the door, heart pounding in your chest as you take the stairs as quickly as possible. The apartment is unlocked, and you berate yourself for forgetting to lock up earlier, but Matt’s cane resting by the door turns your inward irritation to understanding.

He’s home. He got here before you. He must be waiting, maybe he’d have answers—

“Matty?” you call, “do you have any idea what’s—”

A clatter, a sweep of air, and then he’s on you.

He’s curled around you before you can even finish, his arms so tight and constricting you struggle to take in a full breath. He’s talking, muttering incoherent words into the skin of your throat and all you can do is stand there, mind whirling in a maddening rush, not even able to lift your arms to return his embrace due to his restrictive hold.

“You’re here,” he breathes, almost disbelieving, “you’re here. I didn’t want to have hope but—God, I—”

“Matt, I’m so confused,” you breathe, unsure of why tears are starting to gloss your eyes or why your heart suddenly feels like it’s beating in the back of your throat, “what’s going on? It’s crazy out there, I don’t know wh—”

“I know. I know, sweetheart. I’ve missed you. God, I’ve missed you. It’s been so long, I didn’t think I’d ever—” he trails off, unable to finish his sentence and a few more panicked kisses press into the side of your throat.

He’s crying.

You feel the wetness of his tears smear over your skin and it’s enough to bring your own falling heavily from your eyes. What is he talking about? You saw him this morning, only mere hours ago. You made breakfast, you kissed him goodbye like every other day, nothing had been different. 

“Matt,” you whimper, “what the hell is going on?”

—

Five years. You were gone for five years. Just one day—poof. Out of existence, never to be seen again. The city had been clouded by dust, remnants of those also taken disappearing with the autumn breeze. So many people just lost. You don’t remember any of it.

There was no pain, no suffering. You had no recollection of the time lost at all, and yet for Matt it had been years.

Years since he had touched you, kissed you, felt you. He tells you that he looked for you for weeks, months. Even went to the damn Avengers—or what was left of them—and found out what had happened. He’d been distraught, falling into a deep, dark pit of despair and heartbreak from the sudden loss of you.

You cry for him, for the time you’d lost together.

Nothing could ever make up for it. Sure, you’re here now, but could you ever truly make up for the loss of time? What had he gone through during your absence?

The two of you don’t part for what feels like hours.

Matt clings to you, inhaling you deeply and kissing whatever inch of skin he could reach. He doesn’t pull away to answer your questions, instead letting the low rumble of his voice melt through the fabric of your shirt and flooding warmth along your shoulder.

His hands still roam over you, almost as if they’re retracing your dips and curves to remind himself of how you felt when you disappeared five years ago. You catch his fingers with a sweet flutter in your chest, lifting his hand to press a tender kiss to the back of it when the smooth feel of metal catches your attention.

It’s a simple gold band, fit snug around the fourth finger of his left hand and you rub your finger over the shiny surface of it in curiosity. He wasn't wearing a ring this morning...

A ring. 

A wedding ring.

You feel sick.

He senses the moment you realise it, picking up on the sudden quicken of your heartbeat and the clammy sting of sweat that builds along the back of your neck.

His tongue darts out to moisten his lips as you stare at the smooth gold band in shock, feeling as if the room had suddenly gotten ten times smaller. He starts to shift, his fingers quickly flipping to wrap around your wrists to keep you from moving away.

“Let me explain—”

“You… are—are you married?”

“Sweetheart, please—”

You hurriedly stand, wrenching your hands from his and stumbling on your quick step back as he advances after you. He’s married? How can he be married?

Maybe he’s not. Maybe he just slid the ring you both picked out onto his finger when you disappeared in an effort to keep your memory fresh… but with the shine of guilt starting to seep into his features, you fear it’s not as sentimental as you hope.

Panic consumes you. Your eyes flitter around the room, your ears filling with a dull ring that drowns out whatever words fall from his lips as he cautiously steps after you.

It’s your apartment, but it’s… it’s not.

You start to notice the little things you had missed upon coming home so quickly. That throw over the back of the couch isn’t yours. The coffee mug next to Matt’s on the kitchen counter isn’t yours. Your trinkets aren’t lingering on the shelves where you’d placed them. Your shoes aren’t thrown by the door. Your photo with Matt isn’t in its usual spot on the wall.

Instead, another picture hangs there.

Bile burns the back of your throat. Your heart thunders away in your ears. You know what it is, you can see the general feel of it and who stands within the frame through blurry eyes, but you simply can’t accept it.

It’s morbid curiosity that makes you take those few steps towards it, a part of you screaming to not look, to turn away before it really hammers that final nail into the coffin and fucking destroys you. Maybe your mind needs to truly see it in order to make sense of it… but no. It only makes you more confused, more distressed.

What the fuck?

Oxygen is impossible. You can’t fucking breathe. You can’t—

“Sweetheart—”

It’s a wedding photo.

Matt’s wedding photo.

Matt and Karen’s wedding photo.

“Oh my god,” you whimper brokenly, clutching a hand to your chest in an effort to keep yourself together. You press where you feel the rapid beat of your heart, half wondering if you’d be able to feel the break of the frantic organ under your palm.

The room starts to spin.

This morning you’d woken up with an apartment and a fiancé, and now, only a few hours later, you have nothing. How can you have nothing? The apartment is home to you—you left your pyjamas on the floor of the bathroom this morning. You had your coffee at the counter. The love you feel for Matt is present as it always had been, there in the centre of your entire being, so sweet and consuming and yet, his love for you had seemingly vanished.

Disintegrated, along with your body apparently five years ago. Maybe with a clearer head, you’d come to understand that five years is a long time and it’s understandable that he had to move on at some point, but in the moment you feel nothing but hurt—rage.

Matt’s hands are frantic on your body, grabbing at your arms and keeping you from falling to the floor as a sob tears its way out of your chest. You can hear him try to soothe you, hear his worry that your heart is erratic and you just need to breathe.

Breathe, sweetheart—please, breathe.

You can’t. You simply can’t.

Oxygen isn’t coming as easily as it should. Your lungs burn. You’re shaking, unable to stop the tremble taking over your body as you choke on your tears. They burn your skin, painting your cheeks with the bitterness of your heartbreak and they just won’t stop. 

He supports you as you sink towards the floor, legs no longer having the strength to hold you up. He goes down with you, hands cradling your head to his chest and you can’t find it in you to push him away and escape his touch.

It’s Matt. Your Matt. 

You shouldn’t want to shrug him off. You shouldn’t feel guilty at his touch. He’s your Matt, has been for the eighteen months you’ve been together. It was meant to be you in that frame, swimming in white with a smile stretched along your lips, Matt dressed to the nines in an immaculate tux and his ever present red shades beside you.

But it’s not. It’s… it’s Karen.

It’s not you, there’s no trace of you anywhere to be seen. Had you been that forgettable? Foggy’s there, Marci a step behind holding a beautiful little girl with ribbons in her hair. They had a baby? You’ve missed so much.

You start weeping for the life you’d missed out on, for the chances and opportunities of growing older with them and the sweet potential you had had with Matt.

Gone.

All of it, just—gone.

Where would you be now had your soul not been chosen? Married? Promoted? A godmother to the sweet little angel cradled in Marci’s arms? 

“Sweetheart, come back to me,” Matt’s voice cuts through your despair, low and soft in your ear and you cling to him tighter, “breathe. I’ve got you, I’m here.”

“I-I’ve lost so much,” you choke out, hiding your tear stricken face in his throat and desperately trying to get ahold of your body jerking with each difficult inhale and broken exhale, “and I didn’t even know—”

You didn’t know. You didn’t know anything when you apparently ‘returned’. It’s all so haunting and overwhelming and so fucking confusing. 

He stills smells the same, feels the same, despite all these years. You cling to him, desperate for comfort in the moment of your utter heartbreak, but it doesn’t work like it used to and that only makes your pain increase tenfold. His hold feels wrong now. His hold isn’t for you anymore. He has a wife.

You still don’t understand. You can’t comprehend the fact that he’s married, that the arms that hold you are now meant for someone else. They were yours this morning. It’s not possible. You had him this morning; you felt him this morning, you kissed him—

“Sweetheart,” he’s urgent now, manoeuvring you in his hold until you sit in front of him, your back pressed up against his chest and his arms tight around your torso, “breathe with me. Feel my chest, listen to me and follow—in… and out. Come on—”

You pay attention to the exaggerated feel of him breathing against your back, focusing on every expansion of his chest and attempting to match the pace of your inhales. It doesn’t work. Your heart still thunders away against your ribs, your mind still runs fucking wild, and your eyes threaten to roll back from the rush of it all.

“Stay with me,” he begs, but his voice starts to sink to the back of your mind, taken over by the high pitched ring sounding in your ears.

It’s not long until black fully engulfs your vision, and Matt’s voice calling your name is the last thing you hear, frantic and terrified. Maybe you'll find peace in the darkness.

-

matty tags: @javier-pena, @dihra-vesa, @a-reader-and-a-writer, @radiowallet, @januarystears, @danidrabbles, @amneris21, @acourtofsnakes, @mstgsmy66, @evyiione, @stardust-galaxies, @kelseyxyeslek, @greeneyedblondie44, @you-got-me-starry-eyed, @withasideofmeg, @mad-girl-without-a-box, @fangirl-316, @xoxabs88xox, @federleichtefreiheit, @lavenderluna10, @mindidjarin. @stardustingold, @androah, @itwasthereaminuteago, @wildmoonflower, @naughtynecromancer, @h-hxgirl, @Unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men, @juletheghoul, @punkerthanpascal, @itswanktime, @omlwhatamidoinghere, @celestinemuse, @chaoticemz, @alexxavicry, @mylifeispainandiloveit, @cran-berry-vodka, @nishi-reads, @mandocrasis, @lawfulgranola, @ew-erin, @fuckoffbard, @spaceserialkiller, @captain-jebi

[urgonnaneedabiggership]

And All The Fears You Hold So Dear

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara (Spiderman: Across The Spiderverse) x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Language. Angst. Unplanned Pregnancy. Mild violence. Also there's like a smidge of nsfw talk there but thought I'd let you know beforehand just in case.

Word count: 4.3K

A/N: Part Three and Final Installment of something that started as a one-shot and somehow escalated into this¿¿

I just want to thank you for all your very kind comments and let you know that I got a couple requests that I'll be working on, so this might not be the last you see of me. Ily <3

also i cried so much writing this now you have to suffer like i did. xo

Right after the tears finally stopped coming, the emotional exhaustion translated into an intense weariness that made you collapse on the sofa. That hour spent out of consciousness was a blissful interlude in the pain that had your chest hurting and leaving you unable to breathe.  You’d once read somewhere that there was something called “phantom limb syndrome” in which people could feel pain in an amputated hand, arm, or leg. When you woke up, you looked out at the now dark sky and thought of giving Miguel a call to tell him about what an awful day you were having until the memories came back like a harrowing tsunami that had you tearing up when you wondered for how long you’d have to keep reminding yourself that he wasn’t there anymore. This time, however, you became angry. And oddly self-assured.

You didn’t need him. You’d given him a choice, and if a sad, pitiful, lonely life was what he wanted, then good riddance. His loss.

You could do this. Jessica’s pregnancy hadn’t stopped her after all. Sure, it would be challenging but there were mothers out there who took care of one or more children and balanced several jobs didn’t they? So what if you moonlighted as a vigilante whose life was on the line every day? What if you’d have to spend the rest of your life protecting him or her from the bunch of fairly dangerous enemies you’d made in the past months?

Or maybe you didn’t have to.

Your eyes wandered off to your suit which you’d mindlessly thrown on the floor the second you’d arrived home, scrutinizing the details and the care that you’d put into creating it. You wondered what it would look like inside a box, hidden in the back of the closet for years, or until your kid stumbled upon it and asked about mommy’s dutifully hidden past.

An obnoxious beeping sound coming from between the cushions snapped you out of your fantasy as you fished your watch. You hadn’t even realized you’d taken it with you and now it was issuing a warning concerning an anomaly with an amazing timing that had decided to pop into your dimension.

Placing a hand on your stomach, you looked out of the window and doubtfully pressed your lips together.

“Shit. Please, let it be a Vulture that’s literally a vulture, please,” you pleaded with whatever deity chose to listen to you as you picked up your suit and rushed to the bathroom, mindlessly throwing the test into the trash can before pulling the mask over your head.

Unfortunately, you didn’t arrive at the location to find a confused scavenging bird flapping around. You weren’t even sure of what you’d been sent to capture. At the scene, several police cars had formed a barricade outside of an empty warehouse and seemed to be lying in wait, aiming at the door with their guns. Good. That meant you could get in there and set things straight with the unwanted visitor before anybody got hurt.

You stealthily made your way from a nearby ledge to the roof, finding your way in through a broken skylight and landing on top of a pile of metallic crates solid enough to hold your weight but making your entrance noisier than you would’ve liked.

Whatever you were looking for, it was nowhere to be seen. The warehouse was in such darkness that, if it wasn’t for the night-vision lenses Miguel had fitted into your mask, you wouldn’t be able to see further than your own nose. They had come in pretty handy, and you couldn’t believe you’d been so opposed to getting them.

“(Y/N) it’s just one small modification, give me one reason not to.”

“Because you’ve already done too much!”

“Oh come on, it will take me what? Twenty minutes?”

“No, I don’t mean it like that. I mean you’ve done too much to my suit, Miguel. First, the emergency parachute, next the spine and nape reinforcements, then you literally said ‘You know what? How about we just redo the whole thing with fireproof fabric?’ and now another modification?”

“He added memory foam insoles too, said you wouldn’t notice, I’m with you on this one” Lyla chimed in.

You pressed your lips together to fight back a satisfied smile while Miguel glared daggers at the AI assistant, who refused to back down.

“She still remembers please and thank you, alright?”

“Lyla, will you please go check if there’s a faulty connection or a leaky pipe somewhere? Thank you.”

After throwing a sickly sweet smile his way, she vanished.

“Alright then,” Miguel continued arguing, “I’m sorry for offering to install state-of-the-art, potentially lifesaving enhancements to your suit. What was I thinking, not wanting my girlfriend to die?”

He lifted his hands in defeat and retreated to the other side of the room, minimizing the digital blueprints of the new glasses.

“And for the record,” He continued, “I didn’t do all the work for your new suit, you designed it, remember? I had no idea of what a ‘basque waistline’ was,”

When he finished talking, he was surprised to hear absolutely nothing coming from your side. Furrowing his eyebrows, he turned to see you still leaning against the metallic table on top of which your suit rested. You were staring at him with a surprised expression that only baffled him further when he noticed the bright blush spreading around your cheeks and down to your neck. Then it dawned on him.

“Oh shit, I’ve never called you that before, have I?”

“No, you haven’t,”

Of course, that small window of vulnerability was all he needed.

“Please let me put the lenses on your suit?”

What he didn’t know was that you can see both ways through a window. When he earnestly pleaded with you to let him install the stupid attachment, his true motives were as clear as if you’d heard them straight from his mouth.

Last time I wasn’t careful enough. I didn’t plan ahead. If something happens to you and I have the slightest notion that I didn’t do absolutely everything in my power to keep you safe…please. Do this for me, would you? For my own, selfish peace of mind?

And he’d been right. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw something dart from behind one container to the next one.

“I see you,” You announced, rolling your shoulders as your Spider-Sense began acting up, “Listen, you’re probably feeling confused right now and if you come out we could…”

You couldn’t even finish the sentence as something heavy and cold tackled you onto the ground. Instinctively, you rolled over just in time for something sharp the size of a harpoon to stab the ground next to your head strong enough to pierce the concrete. Without wasting one more second, you jumped on top of a container to take a better look at whatever the hell that was just to find that same spot completely empty. Whatever it was, it was fast. Wincing at the sharp pain in your shoulder, you reminded yourself you had to be more careful and avoid taking strong hits like that.

However, you couldn’t afford to be distracted right now. And, as if to affirm that thought as quickly as it came, your sense warned you of something coming at you from behind. Before it could take you by surprise again, you swiftly moved out of the way and shot webs twice to try and pin it down so you could at least take a good look at what you were up against.

“What in the���?” You gasped as you stared at what you’d captured. Before you, a 20-foot-long pale yellow scorpion furiously trashed about as it tried to free itself from your webs. Not even five seconds after you spotted it, the critter broke free of its restraints and disappeared behind another container. Well, reasoning and trying to bring him in peacefully wasn’t going to work with this one. For now, you knew that it was going to try and keep attacking you, so the best you could do for now was to keep an eye on him before he could plunge that hideous stinger through your forehead. Especially since the little shit was remarkably fast. What was that thing Miguel always told you to do?

“No, remember. You’ve got to think further, think two steps ahead,”

“You know, Miguel, repeating that a million times isn’t going to suddenly give me the ability to see ten seconds into the future,” you muttered, taking the hand he reached out to help you get up. With a wince, you placed a hand on your shoulder and rolled it until it popped.

“It’s not about seeing into the future, (Y/N), it’s about finding unprotected spots and patterns,”

“How come outside I’m love, gorgeous or mi chiquita preciosa de ojitos bonitos, but the minute we’re in here I’m back to being (Y/N),”

“First of all, that last one never happened, we agreed on it, I was in…a vulnerable…”

“You were drunk, you can say it, I won’t tell,”

He glared at you in a way you knew meant ‘won’t you?’. Hopefully, he’d never find out you’d told Peter every last detail of his drunken silliness as soon as you had the chance.

“Second of all, here you’re just like anybody else. You mean nothing to me and I mean nothing to you because that’s how the attackers are going to see you, as an obstacle to get out of the way. Now focus. I’m going to attack you again,”

While knowing beforehand he was going to come at you gave you some advantage, you managed to block the blow he launched at your head. Before he could try again, you noticed his next attempt at an attack was leaving his legs completely exposed. Then, you did what Jess had taught you to do whenever you faced somebody taller than you: go for the knees. You crouched and, with a classic foot sweep, managed to make him lose his balance just enough for you to hook your legs on either side of his and take him down.

You were so tired you couldn’t even gloat properly, instead settling for smiling to yourself and releasing a short, triumphant, ‘ha!’ with your last breath before crawling over to him and sitting next to his lying body.

“You know, if I’m supposed to think two movements ahead,” You say, a beckoning look in your eyes, “I think it’s safe to predict you’re going tell me that there’s nothing more you can teach me, and then carry me to your quarters to do absolutely unspeakable things to me,”

Honestly, it had been stupid of you to think he would give up that easily. Not even two seconds later, it was your back that was pressed against the floor as his large frame covered you, and his hand held your wrists on top of your head. Then he leaned in, painfully slowly, until he was close enough for you to feel the heat that radiated from his skin, a low chuckle left his throat.

“Chula, you don’t know half of all the things I can teach you. But this isn’t the place for most of them. Let’s get moving.”

Thankfully, you forced your brain to focus on the matter at hand before it could replay the entire memory.

Two steps ahead (Y/N), come on.

That thing always attacked with the stinger first. Then it would probably try to immobilize you with its pincers. Quickly tracing a plan inside your head, you started to roam the dark warehouse looking for the missing critter, your spider-sense as sharp as ever as you looked behind every crate and container only to find nothing. Maybe it had left the building without you noticing? Outside, the police still remained alert and in wait. There was no way it could have left without being seen.

Fine. If you couldn’t find him, then he could come and find you. Making your way to the center of the empty space, you remained perfectly still and waited for your sense to tell you where the beast was coming from. The wait was short-lived as you felt a sharp wave of shivers running down your right arm, your entire body shifting to face that side just in time to shoot enough web to completely wrap the entire stinger and leave enough web for you to jump and throw over a beam, leaving the scorpion hanging upside down while aggressively pinching the air around him with its pincers. Unwilling to take any risks, you covered them as well. You had to stand there and catch your breath for a few seconds before looking over to your watch to report you’d successfully captured the anomaly. Only then you had the chance to see that you had several missing calls from Peter.

“(Y/N)?” Peter asked when the call went in almost immediately, “Where have you been? I tried calling but you didn’t answer,”

“Yeah, sorry for going AWOL. I’ve been…busy. I caught something back here. I just reported it,” Behind you, you could hear the scorpion still struggling to free itself, “It’s an ugly one, Mayday’s going to love it.”

“(Y/N), listen, I think you should come back here. You and Miguel should try to talk…”

“P.B., I love you but I really don’t want to talk about that right now. Okay? How about you come over here and help me drag this feisty little shit back to the HQ so we can send it home? You won’t believe it; it has to weigh at least…”

When you turned around to proudly stare at your prisoner, you were met with nothing but a lone stinger, eerily dangling from the ceiling. Your proud smile faded as quickly as it had arrived. Before you could open your eyes to say anything else, you found yourself trapped between two cold surfaces that painfully squeezed all the air out of your lungs as you let out a painful yell. You desperately grabbed each side of the pincer, trying to pry them open to release yourself to no avail. With your brain already starting to run low on oxygen, your strength began to fade. You heard Peter questioningly say your name from the device still attached to your wrist, but he sounded as if you’d been submerged underwater. And his voice sounded as if it was further, and further away. You were falling into a deep and dark lake, air deprived and without enough strength to swim to the surface. So you let yourself sink further, close your eyes and let darkness engulf you as you keep going down.

You’d wondered once or twice what would come after life. Since there was no way for you to be certain about anything, you decided to believe what sounded the most comforting. You would wake up in a beautiful place, full of light, that smelled like freshly baked cookies all the time because you would be sitting at a kitchen table with all the people that you lost along the way, and it was time for all of you to have cookies with whatever you wanted to drink, maybe you just hung out in silence, or you would discuss all the wisdom that the act of passing away seemed to come with…the point was that in no scenario did heaven smell like antiseptic.

This discrepancy was what made you start slowly blinking as you furrowed your eyebrows, the intense white light surrounding you making your head spin. Eventually, you were able to discern some shadows that slowly morphed into a familiar face.

“Hey, welcome back,” Jessica gently greeted you from a chair in the corner of the room. The hospital room. Like they’d done hours before when you woke up from your nap, a new wave of unpleasant memories came crashing down once more as you tried to sit up with a worried expression.

“Is…are we both okay?” It wasn’t until you tried to ask that you noticed a certain reluctance at saying the word.

“Yes, don’t worry,” Jess immediately assured you. Then why did she look so troubled?

“Why didn’t you say anything?” She asked, rolling her chair closer and grabbing your hand gently, “Honey, of all people you know I would’ve understood,”

“Jess, I’m so scared,” Was all you came up with before shutting your eyes and clamping your lips together to keep the sobs inside, tears already beginning to fall from your cheeks, “This wasn’t supposed to happen, I don’t know how I’m going to handle this, how am I supposed to do this if I can’t even take down a lousy scorpion without getting myself killed?”

With a reassuring smile, the woman tried to hug you as much as her pregnancy allowed her, comfortingly running one hand down your hair and rubbing your back with the other.

“See? You’re great at this already and your kid isn’t even here,” You sobbed against her shoulder, too exhausted to return the embrace.

“What makes you think you won’t be?” She asked, pulling away to give you some space and much-needed room to breathe.

And you knew the exact reason. It came to you so fast and with such clarity that it scared you. But maybe she would understand that too. However, right as you opened your mouth to speak, a soft click coming from the door interrupted you right before it opened, leaving you completely exposed to the thorough, scrutinizing look of the man that hours ago you thought you’d never lay eyes on again.

You turned at Jess, hoping she’d create an excuse for him to leave you alone. You weren’t done talking to her. You desperately wanted her to stay. However, she’d already turned to look at him and left her chair.

“I’ll give you a moment,” She said and, after gently caressing your shoulder one last time, left the room.

And then there were two.

For the life of you, you couldn’t think of one single thing to say, much less anticipate what his next move would be. Yet, your eyes never left his. Your jaw hurt from how hard you had to clench it to keep yourself from bursting into tears again. Fuck, could the hormones be acting up already? Right when you were starting to wonder if, should neither of you say something, you would just stay there in this staring contest until the end of time, Miguel spoke.

“How long have you known?”

“A day. Or so.” You blurted out so quickly that he wasn’t done speaking when you replied. It wasn’t until his eyes left yours and wandered down that you realized you’d been clutching your pale blue gown the entire time. As you slowly let go of it, you realized your hands were shaking.

“And you didn’t say anything?” He asked again, his voice turning one octave higher right in the middle of the question.

“Well, I found out not so long ago, and immediately after I was called here to help so I thought we had bigger problems and this could wait. But then you said we had been a mistake all along so I imagined I was on my own for this one. And I think that pretty much covers it.”

Silently, he took a seat on the chair next to the hospital bed.

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” He replied, not looking at you but at an empty spot on the wall, “Back there, when I realized you were gone something didn’t make sense. You’ve pushed back much harder for less important things and now you just turned around and left? And with this, it makes even less sense. Even out of spite, you would’ve told me before leaving.”

You hated how well he knew you, and how right he was. And how what he said didn’t make you angry, but instead make you confront the harrowing confession you’d left unfinished before he walked in.

“What if you were right?” You asked taking a deep, shaky breath, “I didn’t intend for this to happen, you know? It just did. What we had was manageable because at least it was just between us, no third parties affected, if anything went wrong with the timeline and such we could call it off and that was that. But now there was something tangible real coming out of this and I panicked because what if it messed everything up? What if we’d made a mistake? But I just didn’t want to think about it until you sort of confirmed it,”

You weren’t going to cry. You refused to cry in front of him while having this conversation. You tried to focus on anything else to cope with his seemingly endless silence, anything but his slouching shape next to you. The soft fabric of your sheets, or the faint whirring of the monitor next to you displaying your vitals. Now you focused on your breaths. Long, deep breaths.

“So,” He finally spoke in a hoarse voice you were sure you’d never heard before, and you were so taken aback by it that you turned to look at him before you could stop yourself to find a strange, oddly endearing sight. He was crying. Well, maybe that was a bit of a stretch but there were definitely tears in his eyes and even if he was better at hiding it, you were sure he was struggling to keep them confined there as much as you were. Suddenly self-aware of the change in his voice, he cleared his throat before continuing.

“So, we’re having a baby?”

He sounded so expectant, and yet so afraid of the answer. He was absolutely terrified. You could see it in his eyes. This man, who faced life-risking challenges every day and had seen enough for several lifetimes, had never seemed so frightened. The thought, for some reason, made you laugh as you shuddered when you released a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Seems like it,” came the reply in such a croaky voice that it left you no choice but to laugh a little bit more.

This time he laughed too, although you could barely catch a glimpse of his smile before being engulfed in a hug that made you wish you weren’t in such a state so you could pull him as close to you as you really wanted. Instead, you settled for resting your forehead against his shoulder as he pulled away enough to plant several small and warm kisses on your temple.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, “God, I swear I didn’t mean one single word. Whatever happens next, we’ll deal with it as it comes, I don’t care, right now all I know is none of this would’ve been worth it if it hadn’t brought me here to you,”  

“Hey, don’t get sentimental on me, O’Hara,” you jokingly said, pulling away to be able to look into his eyes, “We’re going to be just fine,”

“I won’t if you keep doing stupid shit like this, (Y/N), ¿qué carajos te pasa? ‘we’re going to be just fine’ Claro, si por tu culpa no me da un infarto primero,“ He scolded you, leaving his seat, “You know you’re benched, right? You’re staying right here, where I can keep an eye on you and make sure you stay out of trouble,”

“What about my dimension? There are plenty of non-interdimensional criminals there desperate to be caught,” You complained.

“Well, I’m afraid the NYPD’s going to have to figure it out for themselves for the next few months. Might even teach them to appreciate you a little more.”

“And if there’s another anomaly?”

“Dios mío, mujer,” He impatiently argued back, “I’ll go then. Or we’ll send somebody else. You’re staying here. Period.”

“Fine,” You huffed, not pleased at all with the order despite knowing you’d been very lucky this time, “But just for three months,”

“Six,” He stubbornly insisted.

“Five, but Peter’s going to be the godfather and you have to tell him.”

A disgruntled sigh echoes throughout the room.

“Fine,”

Taglist: @anywherebuthere @khaleesihavilliard @spookyboogyuniverse @sunshiines-stuff @letharue @withbeautyandrage

[chloeangelic]

addressing the drama (with receipts)

I wanted to have my ducks in a row before speaking out instead of just responding; I’m not doing this to change anyone’s opinions - it’s really not possible change someone’s perception of me even if it’s based on falsehoods - but I need to do this so I know I’ve said and shown what needs to be shown, and people can do with it what they please. 

To the readers and writers who have blocked me, unfollowed me, and mutuals who have stopped talking to me over this - I’m really, really sad you didn’t come to me first and give me the opportunity to explain what was going on. I understand if you wanted to distance yourself from drama but I also need you to understand that this was not discourse-drama I willingly got myself into. This was a month of frequent harassment and slander that eventually turned into bullying by a group of people using false info, hiding behind side blogs and anons, and I hoped it would blow over but it never seemed to stop. With anons turned off for most of the last two months, people have gone to my friends’ inboxes instead to harass them about me (and insult them in the process), and I can’t do this anymore.

I feel so alienated and disliked in this community that I can’t go on the dash without feeling like I shouldn’t interact with anyone out of fear that they’ll get uncomfortable seeing me in their notifs. People keep saying they want the community to get better and then they jump on the bandwagon of vague posting and RBing without taking a second to verify the claims, clearly not realizing how much hurt it causes to perpetuate it. If you’re reading this, I  hope your name isn't the next one they pull out of the hat when they want someone new to push off the platform. 

Explanations, timelines and receipts below. 

-

For anyone waiting for an explanation regarding the posts and anons about me that have circulated for weeks, or waiting for receipts proving or disproving that I’m a mean girl who spends my time talking shit, here you go. I am so beyond hurt, I don’t even know what to say. I’m floored, I’m so disappointed in this community and I’m so sad. In the last two weeks, I stayed up until 4am one night receiving screenshots of posts and anons about me, I cried, I tried to understand why this has happened to me, and I have sat here day after day with no answers. 

If you think I’m being melodramatic, try losing a quarter of your mutuals and having a bunch of people block you when you’ve had either no interaction with them or they’ve all been positive, and see how that feels, on top of constant rumors about you being a terrible person when you know you’ve barely had any negative interactions with anyone on the platform. I can’t be on tumblr any longer without exonerating myself and putting it out there that all of this has been one gigantic mess based on lies about me, seemingly compounded by grievances people have against Gracie (some one whose personal conversations have nothing to do with me). Either I do this, or I log out forever and only post on ao3, cause I feel like the fucking grim reaper here. Posts about me being an awful person are still circulating, despite the original post being deleted and the follow up stating that the OP has talked to me and they have apologized.

I’m not naming names in this. I will be using person A/B/C/D to make it less confusing. I’ve removed identifying information from the screenshots because even though I’m hurt by these people, I know that they will get dogpiled and harassed if I identify them, and I want it all to stop. Several have apologized to me and I have accepted. 

Sometime in December, rumors started circulating that there was a “big/elite writers discord” where they talked shit about small writers (I’m not in any discords specifically for writers and I have never heard of such a server). At about the same time, person A - someone who was very active in my own, now-deleted discord server, started frequently vagueposting about me, calling me a mean girl and, intentionally or not, made it seem like I was part of this “elite group of writers”. This is someone who I have never had a negative interaction with and who seemingly out of nowhere decided that I call myself elite and I’m a terrible person. 

Person B had some grievances with myself, Iris, and Gracie it seemed, so they went to person C and accused us of talking shit in our voice chats. I assume person A and B have talked about me at some point and validated each other’s claims, but I can't know that for sure. Person B messaged me from a burner account and apologized, then seemingly deleted the account after I responded.

Gracie frequently posted about us three chatting, and although I understand this might have felt alienating to some, many writers are open about having group chats with each other. All we did was write, edit, and Gracie sometimes made memes. We talked about non-fic stuff often, and when Gracie had an issue with other writers and she was upset, we talked about it. That’s what friends do. She knows that I believe those situations were handled poorly. One of those situations came to light recently - I had a very pleasant conversation with the writer involved, and we are still in touch.

I have spoken to person C, who posted the most “popular” smear post about me and some of my friends. They retracted their statements and profusely apologized to us, admitting it was based on stuff they heard from person B, showing me screenshots of the conversation. However, their original posts are still circulating through reblogs despite being deleted from their account. 

Person D also posted about me and my friends, however their post was sort of ridiculous, accusing me of spending more time replying to anons than writing. I found this funny, but the way they slut shamed my friend was absolutely not humorous, and dragging a random writer in to criticize them was a strange attempt at adding fuel to the fire. 

-

And for the receipts, 

I blocked person A after seeing a handful of vague posts clearly about me, and after they interacted with every single rude anon posted about me that I saw. I think that’s reasonable, no? I’m not gonna post screenshots of their posts cause I honestly just don’t want to look at them again, they make me feel kind of sick if I'm honest, but if anyone doesn’t believe me, they are welcome to DM me and I will send. 

Person B messaged me, admitted to partaking in this mess, and apologized. This is part of a LONG message:

Person C apologized over message and called me on discord. We had a conversation clearing things up, they deleted their posts and wrote a public apology. 

If you need any proof that person B’s claims were, in fact, baseless, look at this exchange between person B and person C after person C had cleared things up with me.

Person D honestly just creeps me out, cause what the fuck is this? Fine if you don’t like me based on my writing or my persona on here but… Why the witch hunt? 

ETA: Person C asked person D to take down their post and they never responded. This was sent prior to that, I know the full context, I just thought this specific part was worth sharing to show how vile some people allow themselves to be behind burner accounts.

What kind of behavior is this? This was from a sideblog, and I don't know what their main account is. It creeps me the fuck out knowing this person is lurking somewhere in the community.

I have hated every moment of this. None of this has been fun for me. This has completely fucked up my motivation to write and my enjoyment of it, it has made me anxious, it has messed with my self esteem, and it has made me want to log out of Tumblr and not come back. 

Please, I beg, if you have an issue with me, just come to me and I promise I will have a conversation with you. You can’t tell people’s tone over anon and I don’t think that’s a good way to have a conversation, especially one about something that should be solved in private, so they remain off, but my DM’s are open. 

I'm so sick of seeing vagueposts and trying to decipher if they're about me. Having to do that a bunch of times messes with your head.

I'm not sure what to do moving forward, but I needed to say my piece. I don't want to talk about this again, I want to put this behind me. I seriously hope this doesn't wreck my last remaining want to share my writing on here.

Thanks again to everywhere who has supported me in my DMs and comments, you mean the world to me 🤍🤍🤍 And if you found yourself duped by all this but change your opinion on me now or eventually, I won't hold a grudge, and I'm happy to speak again and pick up where we left off.

[grimoireofhayley]

Cheri Cheri Lady

ASTARION X FEMALE! READER 

Inspired by the song Cheri Cheri Lady by Modern Talking  

Word Count: 1.8k 

Summary: Astarion is falling for his newest companion and quick, though, he doesn’t have a clue on what to do and when she rejects him to be just friends and not lovers, he is thankful as he doesn’t want his trauma to burden their intimacy. However, hours pass then days and he can’t help but feel sad, hurt and confused. His thoughts all seem to linger to her, who she’s with, what she’s doing, WHO she’s possibly doing, it’s all too much for him, he wants her and only her. He loves her. And little does he know; she loves him just as much and is hurt by her own decision. Do they end up together in the end? 

Read to find out~ 

A/n: Takes place during his first confession and will follow through to his other confessions (or not at all) Mainly done in third person, but will also include Astarion’s point of views, how he feels and etc.  

Warnings: Will mention and include trauma, anxiety, hurt, angst, sadness/depression, there will be swearing, jealousy. It’s a friend to lovers' trope, slow burn, possessiveness, mentions of sex.  

Oh, I cannot explain  Every time it's the same  Oh, I feel that it's real  Take my heart 

“Do you have a moment? I think we need to talk.” Astarion asks, his voice barely above a whisper as he looks at (Y/n), her iris’s staring into his own, waiting attentively. 

Fuck, she’s beautiful.  

“Are you alright?” She quirks a brow, tilting her head to the side, his silence weighing heavy in the air. 

“Oh yes, I'm fine. I just-...feel...” 

Astarion gulps, suddenly feeling helpless and scared, but mainly...  

“Awful.” He admits, his face faltering.  

(Y/n) only stared at him, motioning him to continue, now concerned for the vampling in front of her.  

“Look, I had a plan. A nice, simple plan – seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you’d never turn on me...” He giggled nervously, but the pain in his face still shown. “It was easy – instinctive. Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in...” He frowned, trying to read your expression, but it proved to be difficult, you were stoic, not phased, as if you knew he was going to say this. “All you had to do was fall for it...” 

Please, say something... Anything... Don’t let me make a fool of myself, especially in front of you. 

She only continued to stare at Astarion, her arms still crossed. 

His voice breaks enough to notice the sorrow in it, the dread of guilt he had felt, guilt he never truly felt before, but with (Y/n) it was different; he felt emotions he never knew he could feel again, emotions that all came crashing down at once, he didn’t know how to come to terms with it.  

I've been lonely too long  Oh, I can't be so strong  Take the chance for romance  Take my heart 

“And all I had to do was not fall for you... which is where my nice, simple plan fell apart.” 

She bit her lips, digging her nails into her flesh, leaving indents. She wasn’t sure what to feel, hatred and sadness for how he used her? Happiness because this is the rogue-elf she’s come to love so deeply and intensely?  

She was overwhelmed, but dared not to show it.  

“You-...” Astarion stuttered, “You’re incredible. You deserve something real; I want us to be something real.” He clasped his hands together, his palms sweaty out of nerves.  

“So, the nights we spent together didn’t mean anything?” She mumbles, looking away, trying not to show the hurt that lingered. 

He wanted to touch her, shake her even, but mainly tuck the loose strands of luscious (h/c) hair behind her ear and look into her eyes, letting the Drow-paladin know that it meant everything to him, but the flashbacks of the people he manipulated into sleeping with him... all for Cazador, came into clutch, keeping him from moving; keeping him from closing the gap between the two.  

Astarion was quick to shake the question and thoughts from his head as he knew one thing and that’s what he wanted, and what he wanted was her.  

“Of course they did – that's the problem! Or part of it...” His tone was soft, sincere even. His usual dramatic-sarcastic self, now tender and vulnerable.  

Why is this so hard?  

“Being close to someone – any kind of intimacy – was something I preformed to lure people back... for him.” Astarion glances at her before clearing his throat. “Even though I know things are different between us...”  

(Y/n) frowns, but a glint of happiness sparkled in her (e/c) hues as she stares up at the pale elf in front of her. 

“Being with someone feels...- tainted. It brings up those feelings of disgust and self-loathing.” He sighs, miserably. “I don’t know how else to be with someone, no matter how much I’d like to.”  

Astarion moves closer, slowly grabbing her hand in his, though, hesitant, (Y/n) pulls back.  

“Maybe what you really need is a friend, not a lover...” She trails, not meeting Astarions shocked gaze. 

“You’re right, I think a friend is what I need and I’m glad it is you.”  

__ 

I need you so   There's no time I'll ever go 

I stared at her from my campsite, watching as she mingled with the others; her hair down and cascading down her back, plump pink lips stretching into a smirk and a new sleep attire accentuating her curves.  

She was breathtaking; possibly the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.  

I bit my tongue, leaning back. I thought maybe a friend is what I needed, but now I find myself having sleepless nights in thoughts of her and how her body arched at the mere prick of my teeth; how she trembled and gravitated towards me, how we molded perfectly in sync, how the sound of my name cried from her lips shrouded me in bliss; how she would answer my sarcasm with her own witty remarks. 

She was brilliant in more ways than one.  

I regret ever agreeing to being just friends.  

__ 

Cheri, cheri lady  Goin' through a motion  Love is where you find it  Listen to your heart  

“Astarion!” (Y/n) yells, startling the vampire spawn, “Watch out!” She screams, summoning all of her strength and pushing him out of the way as a fireball was hurdling into their direction.  

He rolled at the impact, immediately getting up, and looking around.  

“A trap...” He mumbled, flustered that he didn’t see it sooner; he was distracted by his thoughts; distracted by her.

“Tsk’va..” Lae’zel utters, gripping her longsword. “You nearly got us killed.” She hollered, glaring at the elf beside her. 

“Astarion...” (Y/n) whispered, grabbing ahold of her friend’s hand. Astarion looked down at her, his undead heart feeling alive as phantom palpitations triggered a plethora of emotions; sadness, love, denial, hurt and comfort all-in-one.  

He continued to stare, a small smile tugging at his lips.  

“Are you okay?” She asked, her hand still in his, “I can’t help but notice...- well, you seem out of it.” She stated, “Should we retire for the night?”  

“I-I’m fine...” 

No, I’m not... 

“A short rest will do.”  

(Y/n) nods, letting go of his hand. The warmth he felt now succumbed to his cold temperature and every fleeting motion of her grip, now slowly evaporating.  

__ 

Cheri, cheri lady  Living in devotion  It's always like the first time  Let me take a part  

“Was that really necessary?” (Y/n) scowls, crossing her arms.  

“What did you expect me to do, Darling~?” Astarion chuckles, triumphantly. “He had it coming.”  

“You didn’t need to punch the poor Tiefling.” (Y/n) scorned, “He was buying me a drink, not asking for my hand--”  

“In marriage? He may as well have.” Astarion matched her scowling, “With the way he gawked at you; drooling like a rabid dog in heat, oh my sweet, he was panting for you, he would’ve humped your leg if he had the chance... it was positively sickening.” He waved his hand, dismissing her attempt at an argument, while simultaneously tilting his head upwards, flaring his nostrils and closed his eyes.  

“And? So, what if he did, I might’ve said yes.” She groaned, stopping in her tracks, “Is it really sickening to have someone want me that bad...?” She sighed, looking down, recalling the moments her and Astarion shared weeks prior.  

She missed him, loved him, wanted him, longed for him, but he wasn’t ready.  

She was lonely; heartbroken. 

Astarion opened an eye, looking at her, baffled at her reaction.  

“N-No, that’s not what I mean!” Astarion fumbled over his words, shaking his hands frantically in front of the girl, both eyes now wide and pleading for forgiveness.  

Cheri, cheri lady  Like there's no tomorrow  Take my heart, don't lose it  Listen to your heart  

“Then what do you mean?”  

I love you that’s what I mean...  

“He didn’t have class, manners... you need someone who does.” He states.  

Like me...  

__ 

Cheri, cheri lady  To know you is to love you  If you call me baby  I'll be always yours  

The nights were beginning to feel colder, harsher and isolated.  

I find myself glancing at the forest; a spot just beyond a clearing where I first indulged in sexual affairs with (Y/n). Gods, it was incredible; she was incredible, though, I fear she sensed I was uncomfortable during some of the acts. 

 I have no one to blame but myself, I’m the one who approached her first with a plan in mind, what I didn’t expect was my plan to fail; to be the one who falls for her first. If I hadn’t come to her, maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here, alone, scared, hurt and in love, but here I am; a mess...

~ 

Astarion gripped at his white curls, a pained scream clawing to erupt from his esophagus; a tightness abrades in his chest as he reached his hand to his heart, pulling at the white blouse he wore.  

He falls to his knees, the memories of torment, manipulation, dread, abuse and anger corrupting his mind. 

Gods damn you, Cazador. I’m supposed to be alive; I’m supposed to be enjoying life and its pleasures. It feels like I’m shackled to the pits of Avernus; but this...this is much worse than hell.  

Everything I touch feels tainted, but you are dead, I am free; why are you still here! 

Astarion screams as loud as he can, his affliction bubbling and escaping to the surface.  

“Just let me be able to love her!”  

I get up, I get down  All my world turns around  Who is right? Who was wrong?  I don't know   

I've got pain in my heart  Got a love in my soul  Easy come, but I think  Easy go 

__ 

Part Two: COMING SOON  

[ivyluvsyouu]

okay, this is the first request i've ever done on tumblr. (horrified)

could i request some yelan, ei, shenhe, (& i'm not sure if you are currently taking hsr, but) hanya and natasha? with a shy and quiet fem! reader, who's also much shorter than them.

i have two ideas, just in case the first one isn't something you'd write for.

they discover that reader would really like to become a mother with them, but hasn't brought it up because she knows it's impossible. maybe they see her journal left open, or maybe she accidentally left a tab open on her computer.

they plan an adorable picnic for reader. they sent her out of the house so they could prepare everything, or maybe they did it overnight. (maybe fem! reader has been sad lately, so they do this to cheer her up, and it works) they get a nice and plushy picnic blanket, a cute basket adorned in lace, and adorable sandwiches and snacks and fruits, accompanied with some wine?

you totally don't have to do either, but it'd make my day !! <33

𝑷𝒊𝒄𝒏𝒊𝒄<𝟑

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔: 𝒀𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒏, 𝑬𝒊, 𝑺𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒉𝒆, 𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒂 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑵𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒂

𝑭𝒆𝒎! 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝒀𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒏

You had gotten hurt on a commission recently; you were going to be okay, but your injury had left you bedridden for a while and you were going to be bedridden for a few more weeks at least and your girlfriend Yelan felt awful for you. She wanted to do something for you. One day when Yelan was out doing some commissions she saw a young couple having a picnic outside and she got the idea to have a little picnic at home with you since you couldn't get out of bed. She picked up some wine and some food in Liyue and she made sure to get some of your favorite dishes and she brought the food home. "I'm home dear!" She said as she came into your shared bedroom.

She had a basket in her hand and a blanket in the other. She sat next to you in bed and placed the blanket over you. She set the plates and food up. You were confused about what she was doing. "Yelan, what are you doing?" you asked curiously. "I felt bad we haven't been able to do anything together recently, so I wanted to set up a picnic in bed" She explained pouring you a glass of wine. You smiled and laid on her shoulder as she got everything set up. It didn't take long for her to get it set up and once she did you raised your head from her shoulder, and she smiles at you "Alright, dear everything's ready we can eat now"

𝑬𝒊

Ei noticed you had been extremely stressed out recently with work. Ei wanted to do something for you, but she wasn't sure what. She asked Miko what she should do and Miko suggested a picnic. Ei went home that day, and she spent all night preparing things for the picnic while you were asleep. She made sure to follow the recipes very carefully while she made the good since she's not good at cooking. They weren't perfect but she was proud of how they came out. You woke up that next morning to your girlfriend finishing setting things up.

"Morning, Ei" you said rubbing your eyes as you walk into the kitchen. She smiles and turns around "Morning, love come on I have something planned for us" she said softly. You nodded and got ready, and she took you to a secluded area in Inazuma. She set up all the food she had prepared for you and her. The sun was still rising so the both of you had a beautiful view of the sunrise while you ate. You laid on her shoulder as you both watched the sunrise and ate the food she had prepared. "I love you, Ei" you said in-between bites of your food. "I love you too, more than anything"

𝑺𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒉𝒆

Your girlfriend didn't know much about relationships and how to comfort people. So, when she noticed that you had been feeling down recently, she had no idea what to do or how to help. She ended up asking Xianyun for help. "My girlfriend has been really down recently, and I want to do something special to make her feel better..."

Xianyun gave her the idea to make some food and take her on a picnic. Shenhe doesn't know much about the food you eat either since she grew up in the mountains, so Xianyun shared some recipes with her as well. You were out on some commissions, so she had all day to finish making the food. You got home around sunset, and she had just finished preparing everything. "Y/n, perfect timing come with me" she said gently taking your hand and grabbing the picnic basket. And right back out the door you went. She took you to a private spot in Liyue and she set everything up. "Is this what a normal picnic looks like?" she asks as she finishes setting everything up. You laugh slightly and nod "Yes, Shenhe you did a great job"

𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒂

She had been quite busy with her work recently and she hadn't had a lot of time for you, and she felt terrible about it, so she wanted to plan something special for you. She got the idea to take you on a picnic so she picked a day when she knew you wouldn't be home. You were out with some of your friends that day so as soon as you kissed her goodbye and left, she got to work.

She spent all day making food for you and her so she could take you on a picnic later that evening. She finished about an hour or so before you got home so when you got home, she immediately went to greet you at the door. "Welcome home, love come with me I have a surprise for you" she said. She grabbed the picnic basket and led you to an area that was private and where the two of you would be uninterrupted "I know I've been busy recently and I hope this makes up for everything"

𝑵𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒂

Your birthday was coming up and your girlfriend wanted to plan something special for you. She asked a few of your friends what they thought she should do, and she came up with the idea to set up a picnic for you. One morning she woke up extra early so she could set everything up and it didn't take her long to get everything set up it took her about three or so hours, you hadn't even woken up yet.

When you woke up and walked into the kitchen, she greeted you with a hug and a kiss. "Happy birthday, Dear! I have something planned for us, come on let's go" she said happily. You quickly got ready, and she took you to a cliff nearby where you could have a view of everything as you two eat. "I hope you like it, love" she said as she finished setting everything up. "I love it, Natasha thank you"

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒎 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏��! 𝑳𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕!

[leighsartworks216]

Say Something Loving

Astarion x male!Tav/Reader

Requested by Mutt_Thingy on AO3:

“so i was wondering if you could do a fic based on the song Say Something Loving by The XX. the song reminds me of him sooo much it hurts. especially including the scene where Astarion is asking for another night with Tav and says "i love you" in a bid to get them to sleep with him. i just thing if Tav was like "whats going on with you? why are you pushing for this? i dont think this is really what you want. its ok." and kisses him on the forehead and goes to bed. and Astarion is just kinda stunned by the concept of non transactional intimacy.

i would also prefer if Tav was male? and maybe taller than him?”

Wrote this in a hurry before I go to take my shower so I can get some actual work done so it's not proofread

Title based on "Say Something Loving" by The XX

Warnings: manipulation, references to sex, low self-worth, swearing

Word Count: 727

Main Masterlist

First Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist - Second Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist

AO3

Tag List Form

“How about if I said these little words… Everyone’s favorite.” All at once, Astarion’s suave bravado slips away into something sad, almost pained. “I love you.”

The entire party, Astarion had taken a spot off to the side and stayed there, never straying except to grab another bottle of awful wine. He seemed lost in thought, eyes shifting over the many people but never lingering, never actually seeing. Perhaps it was an odd thing for you to notice, but even Shadowheart seemed to be enjoying herself.

This… whatever it was between you, was unrefined, unfamiliar. You’d enjoyed the first time you slipped off into the woods with him, and been so willing to give him the blood he needed to press on. But now, watching him pull line after line from thin air, practiced and perfectly measured to induce attraction and arousal, you’re not sure.

“What’s wrong, Astarion?”

The vampire blinks, confusion flickering over his face before he can put his mask back on. He smirks, tilts his head, smirks so a pointed fang pokes out. “Nothing, dear. I’m only consumed by my desire to explore you again.”

He wonders if he said something wrong when you only frown deeper. He feels utterly exposed as your eyes study his face, reading his expression carefully.

“Why are you pushing for this?” you press.

He laughs sharpish. “Like I said, this,” he gestures to the party, “is all rather dull. We’d have a much better celebration alone. It’ll be fun.”

He covers up his emotions well, you’ll give him that. But the way he speaks, it rubs you the wrong way. Like he’s trying to convince himself of the same thing. Trying to lure you in and assure himself this is the right thing to do.

You shake your head. “I don’t think this is really what you want.”

He wants to protest, firmly assure you that yes, of course he wants a night full of depravity and lust, but the words die when you smile. He doesn’t understand why you smile.

“It’s okay. It can wait.” He’s utterly lost when you carefully cradle the back of his head, slowly, giving him a chance to pull away. He… finds he doesn’t really want to. You lean down, brush aside his curls with your other hand, and press a kiss to his forehead. And then you’re stepping back, giving him his space once more. He stares up at you. His brain fights to recover, but he can’t imagine how. “You’re welcome to drink from me, if you wish. Goodnight, Astarion.”

You smile at him again, warm and patient, and retreat back to your bedroll. He’s still so lost. Why in the hells did you decline? It wasn’t even because you weren’t in the mood - you could tell he didn’t want it. Was he really so easy to read? More importantly, had he completely fucked up his plan?

It didn’t seem like it. You didn’t say you didn’t want a relationship, which was… good. And you’d kissed him, hardly something one would do if they were uninterested.

He’d never been kissed on the forehead before. Not so carefully. Not so sweetly.

His emotions fought themselves until the vinegar-wine felt even more sour in his stomach. He’d have to try harder, next time. If you didn’t want to sleep with him, then he had nothing else to offer. And once you realized that, you’d leave him in a heartbeat. His mind raced down that rabbit hole of thoughts (If you left him, he’d be without protection. He’d have to find someone else to seduce into protecting him, but everyone else was either too busy with their own issues or utterly distrusting of him. Without protection, Cazador would find him. And if Cazador found him-), until he chugged down the last of the wine with a grimace and slinked off into the woods.

He’d try harder. He had to make you want him.

Though, as he half-assedly skims his piercing eyes through the brush and trees, looking for anything edible to hold him over until everyone else went to bed, he couldn’t help feeling like his flirtations, his ‘I love you’ had felt different from before. Was it because the stakes were so much higher now? Or…

It’s not real, he reminds himself bitterly, and curses himself for falling for his own game.

---

Tag List:

@satelliteapotheosis @hypopxia @flsalazar @beverlybeav @angelofthorr @emiemiemiii @marina-and-the-memes @furblrwurblr @cappsikle @mjmygd @thegirlsadventuresinwonderland @kindadolly @bloopthebat @pandimoostuff @chesb0red @black-star1472 @sessils @olitheghostboy-blog @puppyg1rl666 @cyber-dump-171 @twinkliker3000 @cherifrog @catching-fire-in-the-wind @thespectacularspaceace @lynnlovesthestars @yarn_yogi @tototini

[klarex]

To all of you, I want to say that I'm a big fan of hardwave music, and this fic is kind of based on this type of music. But if you don't like it, then you can change that to any type of sad music.

Genre: fluff

Warnings: orcs and wargs, fighting and orcs/wargs death, injuries

Summary: Your life was sad and boring, but somehow, you got teleported into another world.

Paring: Bilbo Baggins x Earth human! reader

There is a possibility

Not my gif, its from pinterest

Pov. (Y/n)

Just sitting and drifting in my thoughts hurt. Everything hurt. I just want to disappear. Not feeling any emotions, or not wanting to feel them? Do I like being alone, or I'm just lonely? I don't know.

Those questions repeated themselves every night like this.

I sat down on the windowsill and watched everything going on outside the window, heavy breaths escaping my mouth. I had my headphones on, listening to some calm/sad music. It was dark outside. Some street lanters gave a little light outside. A few cars passed by. The fog was thick. Something about this weather made me feel safe. I don't know what it is exactly, but it's a peaceful and calm feeling. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.

Then I felt a wave of fresh air hitting me.

"Weird.. I don't remember opening my window.."

I thought and opened my eyes. I jumped when I saw a tall man in grey robes in front of me. He was tall! I looked up at his face, shaking with a slight fear. He had a long white beard and a pointy, grey hat. He was also holding a long stick. He reminded me of someone...

While I was too stuned to do anything, I heard mumbled voices. I realized that I still had my headphones on and took them off.

- How did this lass get here?!

I heard someone say with anger. I looked around me and saw that I was outside, standing on a green grass. The sky was dark. Behind me, there was a fireplace and a lot of short men. They all had beards, but there was also a smaller man, with bare feet and without the beard.

And then it hit me. My eyes went wide as I heard the tallest man talk.

"Am I in Middle-Earth?!"

I thought and looked up at a man in front of me.

- I- I'm sorry to interupt...

I said, and they all looked at me. I gulped, feeling all of their gazes on me.

- But- are you Gandalf..?

The wizard chuckled and nodded his head. I was stuned again.

"How is that even possible?!"

I saw the wizard slightly bent before me.

- And who you may be?

He asked with a polite smile. Oh, Gandalf always knew how to make odd things right...

- I'm (Y/n).. and apparently.. I'm from another world...

I looked down, embarrassed. I heard someone scoff.

- From another world?! I don't believe it!! You must be a spy!!!

I didn't even look up, because I knew no one would believe me. Maybe Gandalf would...

- Thorin Oakenshield!! She is not a spy!! I would feel it if she was, but she isn't one.

Gandalf said and I sighed in relief.

- Now! Everyone, we have to settle here for the night, so go and prepare yourself. I will go and talk with (Y/n).

Gandalf said and all of the dwarves go their way. The wizard took me a few meters away from their camping place. I sat down on a rock and grabbed my head in my hands. He sat next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

- I do believe you, (Y/n). I'm not going to lie.. before you got here, I was practising some of my spells, and apparently, you must get here by one of them..

He said and rubbed my back in a comforting way. I looked at him, surprised and shocked.

- So technically, there is a way to send me back home?

I asked with hope, but at the same time, I didn't want to go back. My life was worthless and awful back in my world. I always wanted to make it exciting or something, and now I have a chance.

- Yes, but you would have to give me some time to-

- It's okay! You don't have to!

I interrupted him with a truthful smile on my face. He looked at me with curiosity and confusion.

- You know.. I actually don't want to go back.. Maybe it's not an accident that you brought me here...

I said, chuckling, and he smiled with a nod. I told him about my world a bit and my life, but then I heard some quiet footsteps. I looked over to the sound and saw the hobbit with two bowls in his hands. He was smiling shyly.

- I- I thought that since you are not near the fireplace and are probably hungry, I would give you some soup.

He said and handed us the bowls. I nodded and said "thank you". He slightly bowed.

- I'm Bilbo Baggins. The company's burglar.

He said. I nodded with a smile.

- Bilbo. Take care of (Y/n) for a while, will you?

The wizard told the hobbit, and he nodded. Gandalf got up and walked away, into the forest. I looked over at the bowl.

- What's that?

I asked, looking at Bilbo. He looked at me and back at the soup.

- It's quite everything. Balin made this with Bombur's help, and told us it's an old-fashioned soup, where you throw everything in the pot and make soup out of it.

He said, giggling, slightly scrunching his nose. I smiled at the cute sight before me and nodded. His eyes wided.

- Oh! Excuse me for a second.

He quickly ran back to the fireplace and walked back to me with his own bowl. He sat down next to me, and we began to eat our supper. The taste was really good, nothing like I had expected.

- Mm! It's good! I mean really good!!

I said, happily. Bilbo chucked and sipped his own soup. After a short while, we finished our food.

- So if it was really good, you should tell it to Balin and Bombur, I'm sure they would be happy to hear it from you!

The hobbit said with a smile, and I looked down. Bilbo placed his hand on my shoulder and looked at me concerned.

- Ay! You will be fine! I'm sure they will like you!

He said, trying to cheer me up.

- I know they will.. but I'm not sure that Thorin likes me or even trusts me..

I said quietly, but Bilbo is now standing in front of me and pulling his hand out for me.

- Come on. I will be right behind you..

He said calmly, and I looked up at him. He had this adorable smile of his and eyes full of kindness. I gently took his hand, and he helped me get up. He was slowly leading me to the fireplace, still holding my hand. I blushed at his action.

When we sat down around the fire, like everyone else did, Bilbo pulled his hand away. All eyes were on me. I gulped and blushed. I took a deep breath.

- Balin.. Bombur.. this soup is extremely g- good!

I said while rubbing my arm, but the dwarves simply smiled.

- Why thank you, lass.

Balin said, chuckling. My worries swam away, and I returned the smile, looking up. From the corner of my eye, I saw Bilbo's relieved face and a smile creeping on it. The atmosphere wasn't so tense when I first got here. The company talked lively about their adventures and all that.

- So (Y/n)? Did you have any adventures in your world? And what are those?

A young dwarf asked me, it was Kíli. He pointed at my headphones, hanging on my neck.

- To be honest, I totally forgot about those.

I said, giggling.

- But no. We don't have any adventures back in my world. You just work to live. It's more like a sad life than actually something happy, I dunno...

I said, looking down sadly, but then I quickly looked up at them.

- But those are my headphones. They are made for playing music from my phone.

I said, and they all looked at me like I was insane. I smiled and took out my phone from my pocket. I turned it on, adjusted the screenlight, and checked my battery.

"Hmm.. still 88%, that's good.."

I thought and opened my music app. I quickly turned down the volume.

- Who wants to try? That's nothing scary and hurtful.

I asked, smiling, and saw Kíli looking at them really interested. I slowly got up and sat down in front of the dwarf. I gently put my headphones over his ears and looked at him.

- What type of songs do you like, Kíli?

I asked while clicking search on my phone. He thought for a second.

- Catchy and happy ones.

He said, smiling. I thought for a second and searched for "What makes you beautiful - One Direction" and played it. The song started playing, and Kíli was amazed.

- Aye! It's pretty good!

He said loudly. I laughed and left him to listen to the song. He started boucing to the song a bit and hum. We all laughed.

I repeated this thing with every other dwarf (except for Thorin, cause he said it's a waste of time), but when I sat close to each dwarf and put mine handphones on them, I felt a strong gaze on me. I played it off, because I thought everyone found me weird or insane.

Now it was time for Bilbo. He wanted to go last, I didn't know why. When I sat down in front of him, he blushed. And when I put on my headphones on him, he blushed even harder. He looked so cute, his face is so perfect. His lips in a soft smile, cheeks pink, and his slightly pointy ears that are now pinkish too. I adored him so much.

When I broke away from my thoughts, I asked what he would like me to play.

- Play what you mostly listen to..

He said, and his request shocked me. He was smiling sweetly, and I slowly put on my favourite calm/sad song. His eyes widened with shock and sadness. No one ever asked me to play one of my songs, and I don't feel good while showing them to people. But Bilbo was different. I knew he wouldn't judge.

- Well... that's a really interesting one.. It's like you know the feeling of this, and you can understand the song..

The hobbit said with a sweet smile. He was right. I felt the same when I played this song. Like I sat on my windowsill, just like earlier. Watching the cars drive by and everything covered in fog.

I smiled widely back at him, seeing that he could truly understand the power of this song. He gently took my headphones off and handed them back. I took them and turned them off to not waste the battery. I turned off my phone too.

We started talking again. Dwarves were really curious about my world, so I tried explaining everything to them as simple as I could. I felt cold air hitting my skin, and I shivered. I wrapped my arms around myself, but the next thing I felt was a heavy fabric on my shoulders. I looked up to and saw Bilbo putting his blanket on me. I smiled happily, and he sat next to me.

- Thank you, Bilbo. But won't you get cold?

I asked. He slightly shivered and shook his head. I rolled my eyes and pulled him closer to me, under his blanket. He blushed and sat still, not expecting that to happen. Then Thorin stood up.

- Now everyone, we have to rest, so Nori and Dwalin are taking night watches tonight.

He said, and we all nodded. Every dwarf got up and found their place to sleep. They took their things and put them down, pulling the blankets out. I looked around, embarrassed. I didn't have anything with me, except my phone, headphones and clothes that I was wearing.

Everyone lay down under their blankets and went to sleep (not Nori, of course, cause he took the first watch). I just sat there under Bilbo's blanket, while he walked away for a moment. I closed my eyes, feeling sleep overtaking me, but I heard soft talking.

I opened my eyes and saw Gandalf and Bilbo walking my way. My eyes were nearly closed, but I managed to keep them open.

Bilbo had a little backpack on his shoulder and a rolled blanket in his hand. They had smiles on their faces. I felt a soft hand on my shoulder.

- (Y/n)?

I heard the hobbit saying. My eyes flew open, and I quickly looked at him.

- Come on... I have a blanket for you and some useful things.

He said softly and helped me get up. We took a few steps away from the place I was sitting. He put the backpack on the ground and sat down. I follwed his actions and looked at him.

- Now.. lay down and try having a nice sleep. If you need anything, then I will be right beside you.

He said, smiling kindly and sweetly. I nodded, not having any power left in me. I lay down and covered myself with a blanket.

- Goodnight, Mr. Baggins...

I whispered and closed my eyes. I heard Bilbo chuckle.

- Goodnight...

He said quietly, and I fell asleep.

••

I woke up to some loud talking and sun hitting my face. The morning breeze was pretty cold. I covered my head with a blanket, shivering. I groaned and moved, so I was now laying on my side. I listened to what dwarves were saying, and of course Thorin was talking the loudest.

- We need to keep moving! We don't have much time! Wake this lass up!

He said, and I quickly jumped out of my cover.

- I'm awake!

I said loudly, and everyone looked at me. I blushed embarrassed and looked at them. I saw that there was no sight of Gandalf. They started packing their things, and I got out of my blanket. I quickly packed myself up in the backpack I got from Bilbo and put it on my back. Gandalf then joined us.

We walked for 2 hours, and we heard a sound coming out from the deeps of the forest. We all looked in the direction of the sound. Bilbo took a few steps before me, holding his sword and his hand before my chest. I blushed and smiled, but I was also slightly shaking with fear. Then, a wizard in a brown robe jumped out from the leaves on his rabbit harness. It was Radagast. I sighed with relief. Everyone put theirs weapons down. Gandalf stood before him, and they started talking.

The hobbit turned around to face me, his cheeks pinkish. I smiled widely, and he smiled back, so warmly and so kindly...

"I could melt, because of him. His smile is so pretty.."

I thought and gently ruffled his soft and pretty hair.

- Ay!

He shouted, and I giggled. He scrunched his nose and narrowed his eyebrow, but he didn't look super angry. He crossed his arms on his chest, and I bent down a bit with a smile.

- Aww.. Bilbo.. don't be angry at me... I'm thankful that you wanted to protect me..

I said, and he chuckled and let his hands fall down.

- Fineeee..

He groaned, and this time, I chuckled. I straighted and looked at two wizards. Radagast had a very scared look on his face, but Gandalf seemed to calm him down a bit.

- Company! We will have to fight, Radagast saw a few orcs not far away from here. I'm sure they are looking for us.

Gandalf said loud enough for everyone to hear. I gulped when we heard wargs' howl. Thorin took responsibility for the fight and told everyone what to do. He walked up to me and handed me a knife.

- Thanks..

I said quietly, and he nodded.

We walked a bit forward, but then we saw an arrow nearly shooting Dori's head. Kíli quickly took out his bow and shot back at the orc, killing him. We started running to get out of the orcs' sight, but they were too fast. Thorin stopped and punched a warg's legs with his axe. The creature fell on the ground, stopping with his face, and it made the orc that was riding it fall forward on the Bifur's spear. Gandalf and Radagast defented themselves with theirs sticks and magic. Dwarves were fighting orcs with their weapons.

I was slightly paralyzed, but when one of the orcs attacked me, I cut his throat and kicked him away from me. I was shocked at my own action, but smiled proudly to myself. I helped a few dwarves to get away from orcs grasps.

When I was helping Bofur out, I didn't see a warg behind me, and Bilbo jumped at me, pushing me away from the dangerous creature. We fell down hard on the ground. The hobbit was lying on top of me. I looked at his face, and he looked up at me concerned. I blushed, and so did he. He fastly got up and held his hand out for me. I took his hand, and he helped me get up. I nodded and looked up from him. I saw an orc behind Bofur that was going to attack the dwarf. I throw my knife at the orc's head. The dwarf looked at me and smiled warmly, but quickly went back to fighting.

I looked back at the hobbit, but he was no longer there. He was fighting side by side with Thorin now. I ran to the orc that I "shot" and grabbed my knife.

After a bit of fighting, we killed every orc we could.

- Let's get going! We have to move from this place so orcs don't attack us again!

Gandalf said and made his way to the front of the company. Radagast got on his rabbit harness and drove away to mislead remaining creatures. We fastly walked near the hills in the forest, searching for a good hiding, resting place. Then I saw a little cave covered with bushes.

- Here!

I said and pointed at a cave. Gandalf nodded, smiling. We all ran into the little ground curving, and sat down behind bushes. Everyone sat close to each other in a circle. A sweet hobbit was on my left, and Balin on my right. Bilbo was leaning on my side as I was on his. This brought comfort to us in this stressful situation. We heard a really quiet and muffled howl from far away. Kíli and Fíli sighed in relief.

- Mr. Baggins, as our bugler, you should check if there aren't any enemies nearby.

Thorin said, and Bilbo shivered, straightening. I put my hand on hobbit's shoulder in a comforting manner. He looked at me and smiled. The hobbit got up and climbed on a hill behind us.

And again, Gandalf started talking with Thorin about our journey.

••

The journey went on and on. I didn't plan to go back home. From time to time, Gandalf would come up to me and ask me if I don't want to go back to my world, but I always refused. Everyone was confused about it, but I was rather ignoring the subject or answering them that "my life there was boring". They seem to understand that.

Since the day I got in Middle-Earth, Bilbo has always been curious about my life. I thought that it was just normal for hobbits, but now I think it's something else. Like he actually wants to know me, like know why am I like this and how I am. His kindness is so amazing about him. He doesn't care how much others hurt him, he will still help them. That's what I adore about him the most. He is sweet and innocent, and his smile could warm up my days. He is actually perfect. He is all I could ask for. He is the reason why I haven't lost my mind yet. We had an amazing friendship, since I got in this world, so I thought that we had no secrets, but I didn't want to ruin it by telling him how I really felt.

We were sitting on our camping spot. Dwarves were dancing and singing around the fire while I sat with Bilbo on my side. Wide smiles creeping on our faces when we saw a happy scene before us. Fíli walked up to us and pulled his hand out for me. I took it with a grin. He pulled me closer to the fireplace, and we danced to their singing. I was laughing uncontrollably, and I saw a big grin on Fíli's face.

When the song finished, I was out of breath. I went back to Bilbo to sit down beside him.

- That was fun!

I said, giggling. He hummed and smiled at me politly. He scrunched his nose and looked into the distance. I looked at him, concerned.

- Did something happen, Bilbo?

I asked, putting my hand on his back. He shook his head and slightly blushed. I had a confused look on my face. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts.

I sat in front of him, so he finally looked at me. He seemed surprised, and his already pink cheeks changed colour to a darker one.

- I know something happened, Bilbo.. You know you can tell me everything, right?

He looked down and nodded.

- I just.. I..

He mumbled and sighed.

- I just- I really like you, (Y/n). Not in a friend way... I'm sure that it will ruin our friendship, and you probably don't feel the same-

I cut him off by grabbing his face in my hands and rubbing my thumb on his cheek.

- Who said I don't like you back?

I asked, and his eyes widened, his body stiffened. His ears turned red, and the colour started growing even on his neck. I giggled at the sweet hobbit and slowly leaned in. I gently kissed him. It took him a few seconds to kiss me back, but when he did, he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me onto his lap. I yelped in surprise, but ran my hands through his soft hair, and he sighed dreamily.

We heard loud clapping and whistling behind us, and we pulled apart. I looked around my shoulder and saw the company cheering.

- Gandalf won the bet again!

I heard Ori say and saw small purses being thrown to the wizard. Gandalf smiled widely and nodded his head to us. I rolled my eyes and looked back at Bilbo. His whole face was dark red again. I nuzzled my nose against his and pressed our foreheads together.

- Ignore them, sweetheart. They're just jealous..

I said and kissed my hobbit again. He quickly kissed back with a smile on his lips.

♡masterlist♡

[sisterspooky1013]

Never, Chapter 2/3

Rated X | Read it here on AO3

This is a continuation of a one shot I wrote a year and a half ago.

“Are you okay, miss?”

Scully straightens up in her seat and wipes the tear tracks off her cheeks. She hadn’t even realized she was crying again. Her head is starting to throb as she sobers up, and she wonders if she has enough wine left at her apartment to reclaim her drunkenness and the numbness that comes along with it. She’d do just about anything not to feel the way she feels right now.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she says, glancing at the reflection of the cabbie’s eyes in the rearview mirror. His bushy black brows are furrowed, and when the cab passes under a streetlight she sees deep concern there as he looks between her face and the nearly deserted road.

“Someone hurt you,” he says, the anger in his voice barely contained.

Her hand reflexively comes up to touch her tender cheekbone. She feels so awful she keeps forgetting that she also looks it.

“No,” she says reflexively, and then corrects herself. “I mean, yes. But I’m okay,” she tells him with a thin smile.

He’s older. Late sixties, maybe. There’s a picture of two smiling boys wearing matching bow ties and patkas taped to the dashboard, their arms slung around one another’s shoulders. Grandchildren, she thinks absently.

“The man who called?” he asks, and even through her devastation she finds that she’s comforted by this stranger’s protectiveness of her.

“No, he would never hurt me,” she says. “The man who hurt me is in jail.”

The cabbie nods, satisfied with this answer, and he is quiet for the rest of the ride.

Mulder would never hurt her. Not physically. Not on purpose. Her view of the darkened Potomac blurs behind fresh tears as she thinks about the way his face fell at the hospital when he got the full story. The way he dropped her hand and took two steps back under the guise of giving her privacy. The way he’s been uncharacteristically mean in the days since. Like he’s disgusted by her.

She’s so confused. By her actions, by his, by her own emotions. When she took Ed up on his offer for a date it felt like the most normal, uncomplicated thing she’d done in years. She thought she knew why she was doing it: she just wanted to be seen. Seen as a woman, as an object of sexual desire, as more than Mulder’s partner or his errand girl. Ed saw her, and she thought that she was getting what she wanted, finally.

It was only when Mulder’s reaction caught her so off guard that she realized she’d been expecting something else, something specific from him. Maybe what she wanted wasn’t just to be seen, but to be seen by him. But whatever he sees when he looks at her now, it’s not what she wanted. And it hurts. It hurts in a way she didn’t even know he could hurt her.

The brakes shriek as the cab pulls up to the curb outside Scully’s apartment, and she fishes a twenty dollar bill out of her jeans pocket. The cabbie unbuckles his seatbelt and twists around to look at her, that same concerned furrow in his brow.

“You make me think of my daughter,” he says, then pauses. “A man who loves you will never hurt you,” he finally says. “There is no excuse.”

Scully pulls her bottom lip between her teeth to still her quivering jaw. His kindness makes her ache for someone to hold her, for someone to be gentle with her body and her heart. She doesn’t want to need that, but she does. She doesn’t want to need it from Mulder, but she does. She doesn’t want to feel devastated that he won’t give it to her, but she is.

“Thank you,” she says, holding out the bill for him to take.

He shakes his head and gives her a sad smile.

“It was my pleasure to drive you home, miss. Please, keep your money.”

Once safely behind her apartment door, she stops trying to hold the tears back. They roll freely and silently down her cheeks as she pours the last of the wine into a water glass and sucks it down with a grimace. It burns her throat and then her belly, and she welcomes the physical discomfort as a distraction from her emotional torment.

She’s so angry with herself for letting him have this much power over her. For caring this much about what he thinks. She feels a flash of mortification when she remembers his comment about being jealous and her resulting admission of loneliness. She’s so stupid. So fucking stupid to think, even momentarily, that he was jealous of Ed. That he was jealous because he wants something from her the same way she wants something from him. She wanted to believe it so badly that she heard what she wanted to hear, and she made an absolute fool of herself.

But he wasn’t jealous of Ed. He was jealous of her for getting laid, so he went out to do the same. She’s always assumed that he indulges in a casual fling of his own here and there, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe she doesn’t know him at all.

It’s nearly 3:00 am when she crawls into bed, drunk and lonelier than ever. She wishes she could go back and do things differently, but she’s not sure how far back she’d need to go to undo what she’s done to herself. She’s not sure where she went wrong. All she knows is that she’s deeply unhappy, and she doesn’t know how to fix it. All she knows is that trying to get closer to Mulder isn’t the answer.

The phone rings at 7:00 am, cutting through her hangover like a knife. She scrambles for the handset on her nightstand, knocking her glasses and a bottle of ibuprofen that she set out for herself onto the floor in the process.

“Hello?” she croaks, letting her head fall back to the pillow when the room starts to spin.

“Hi. It’s me.”

She doesn’t say anything right away. The night before feels like a dream, but she knows that it wasn’t. Part of her is comforted by the fact that he followed through on his promise to talk about things in the morning, but another part of her is horrified by the idea of ever speaking of it again.

“Good morning,” she says in a markedly professional tone, if not for the rasp of her sleepworn voice.

“Are you…” he begins, and her belly tightens. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she says rotely.

She listens to the sound of his even breathing on the other end of the line and wonders what he thinks of her now. If he’ll ever look at her the same way again. If he’ll treat her like she’s fragile the way he did after Duane Barry.

“I’m really sorry,” he says quietly, and immediately her throat closes up. “For a lot of things. But last night—.”

“It’s okay,” she interrupts, desperate not to relive it, not to be rejected a second time. “To be perfectly honest, I only remember bits and pieces,” she lies.

“Oh,” he says, either surprised or relieved. Maybe both.

“I’m, um, I’m not sure I’ll make it into work today,” she continues. “My head feels like a block of cement.”

“Can I bring you anything?” he asks hopefully. “Gatorade, maybe?”

“Please don’t,” she blurts out, then softens her tone. “I appreciate the offer, but I’ll be fine. Sorry if I was…out of line last night.”

There’s a long pause, and she wonders what he’s thinking about. She’s thinking about how good it felt when he wrapped his arms around her, and how much it hurt when she realized he was using it as a means to get her out the door.

“No,” he finally says. “I was the one who was out of line. I’m the one who’s been out of line. You didn’t do anything wrong, Scully.”

He sounds so sad, and she wants to ask him why. She wants to understand him. She wants to be understood by him. The empty space around her feels infinite.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

She hangs up and waits for the room to stop spinning before she picks up her glasses and the ibuprofen, though she doesn’t take any. She lets her pounding head and queasy stomach serve as a reminder of her mistake, a mistake she has no intention of repeating.

Mulder is her partner. He cares about her, but not in the way that she only just realized she secretly wants him to. She’s not sure if that secret way is romantic in nature, she just knows she wants more. More than fruitless searches for invisible boogie men and a never ending series of cheap motel rooms. More than banter and inside jokes and a shared distaste for gas station bathrooms. More than this.

She’s brushing her teeth, avoiding her own eyes in the mirror, when she feels a wet tickle in her nostril. A drop of bright red blood falls into the sink basin, splattering over white porcelain like a mini crime scene. She was going to tell him about the nosebleeds. About the MRI appointment she has later this week. She was just waiting for the right time.

Now she can’t help but wonder if she holds secret expectations about how he’ll respond to that news and the type of support he’ll provide. She can’t set herself up for that kind of disappointment. She won’t. Never again.

Tagging @today-in-fic

[xq1zi]

say something

shoto x reader

warnings: kinda angst but happy ending, english not first language, somewhat rushed.

word count: 508

A/N: this scene is based on a manga panel from skip and loafer

you and shoto were dating for a while. not many know due to his “if you didn’t ask i won’t tell” personality. you were a more or less quiet person. definitely not prettiest but he makes sure you feel like the only person in the world for him. and that’s more than enough.

you had decided to go to the store after classes were over. shoto also accompanied you being the good gentleman he was. half way through your walk there some more obviously attracted girls in your school uniforms came up to the both of you. 

“ah! todoroki, just the person we need.” one of the girls spoke. he looked at them confused. 

“here come to our dorm party! we definitely need more cuter men there,” another continued on. “come on, cuties like you need to have a chance to hang out with some girls.” she said in a seductive way. 

“oh, unfortunately i can’t tonight but thank you for the invite.” he turned them down. 

they awed before another spoke again. “wait don’t tell she is the reason?!” not in a rude way, just more or less surprised.  

“no way she can’t be his girlfriend. clearly they’re just classmates.” they whisper but still audible. they argued over the status of your own relationship. 

you bit your tongue. not trying to cause a scene. this has happened before and this time it really got to you. 

“oh well if she’s the reason why you can’t come. she can come too if you want. we’ll see you there todoroki! or around the school” they blew kisses at him. 

“oh, yes goodbye.” after that last statement from him they all left going to the dorms. 

“why didn't you say something? or at least say that we were a couple” you said quietly looking away from him. “huh? what do you mean?” he doesn't understand why your tone seems so cold.

“whenever they ask you if i'm really your girlfriend you don't defend me,” looking into his eyes but only meet with utter confusion within his eyes. “It hurts you know, i want you to tell everyone that i'm yours when they start to think otherwise.” 

“i didn't kno-” 

“i know you didn't, and i should've said something but if someone asks if i'm your girlfriend you should say yes immediately…”

“i’ll do better next time. i'm sorry. i didn't mean for you to be hurt like this.” he said to you. “thank you for understanding but please know that people won’t understand why you would be with me.”

“but they don't need to understand, i just want you to know that i'll  love you no matter what and next time i’ll correct them and tell them im yours,” he told you with a dearing voice. “so please let’s go to the store and go back to have our movie date.” 

“you're the best really thank you now let's hurry we have so many things to watch!”

i need more ideas instead of just sad ones