#but nooo I actually have to make em

[becasart]

Awwww 🥺🥺🥺 omgg Biani's parenting arc is beginning

HUH⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

Omg nOOOOO COME BACK. She was just kidding about the workshop thing, he'll go to school 😭💔💔 With her, he'll be the sweetest boy ever- the perfect example of a model citizen.

JUST BRING BACK HER SONNNN.

[your-mommy-ems]

today is just one of those days where i wanna scream and cry because everything just seems to be piling up.

[hibiscuslynx]

thinkin i might fuck around and do a softer wttt again

[hexastitchimera]

Everything these days really is out to make me bawl straight fuckin tears regarding how shit my parents are and how badly their shit way of bringing me up permanently fucked my chances.

[chisungie]

.

[woodlandscab1n]

i feel like i am going insane fr

[robolvrr]

I loved your swerve x gn human bartender headcanons. Do you have any more headcanons for swerve x gn human if you do please share them ❤️

two bolts in a pod! ᴗ｡✷

swerve x gn! human reader headcanons.

thank you anon! enjoy.☆

"i.. you actually like listening to me talk?"

"... hey ratchet, check this one's processor! think they mighta hit it or somethin'..."

on the note of a human crew member it's common consensus that swerve is part of the many that have an intense interest in you as a species.

however, if you do happen to enjoy his company and questions and puns -- consider him your personal jester.

he gets so, so dramatic whenever you aren't fused at the hip joint. suddenly his shifts feel long and he's lamenting to his other cybertronian crew members which while is endearing to some in the way any lovesick trainwreck is, is incredibly annoying for others.

has helped make a stool at his bar for you, sized to scale.

there's this funky little staircase at the end of the table to help you up (since he doesn't want you squished in between mechs) that doesn't match at ALL.

spends an embarrassing time cycling stories ready to tell when asked. he frequently bites his fist because he thinks it's going to be boring, but you're in awe because hello, this is space and there are giant metal hot aliens.

you try to teach him to dance once. minibots are stockier, so seeing you bend and twist is as enchanting as it is perplexing.

it ends with him almost slipping and crushing half the bar but hey! your little laughs and snorts are more than enough to stroke a bruised ego.

brags. so much. when you develop nicknames and inside jokes.

"did you know that they call me and only me hotshot? huh? did ya?"

it's easy to just. lie to him regarding questions on humans. he's no means gullible but imagine he asks a normal question like "why is it called a tailbone" when you have an anatomy rundown and you confidently say you actually have a long, fluffy tail that only comes out every blue moon.

cue him researching through his limited sources (cough cough movies) to see where he missed THAT detail.

speaking of movies: will make you watch his collection before asking for yours.

enjoys lots of 80s sci-fi and cheesy b-thrillers.

expect him to whisper in your ear as you sit on his knees like a cute, nervous directors reel.

tries to get you to match those colorful clothes with his plating paint.

wh - romantic? him? nooo, it's just a friendly thing? a total cybertronian thing. uh huh. yeah. unless you'll know - wait no, don't clarify with brainstorm-

falls helm over pedes when you start giving him stuff. old, vintage bobbleheads. records and sports vanity jerseys and engraved shot glasses.

the courting gestures between your kinds are so different and alike it makes his coolant heat. you could be just beaming because you've alphabetically and flavor organized his stock records and he's here wondering how to sparkbond with a human without killing 'em.

my personal headcanon - he sits you on his shoulder when he's going around passing drinks. think of those bodybuilders and pretty models on the beach photoshoots. primus, he's down bad!

i see you getting spoiled rotten in all aspects, platonic and otherwise. he loves, loves all your reactions and expressions. has to sit in his habsuite and think about some venting exercises so he isn't buzzing in your presence all the time.

[marysfics]

Gotta Learn 'Em All

Your six year old daughter has an obsession with Pokémon.

Note: based on a TikTok that I watched but can't find anymore.

Fluff, pure fluff

It was a bright Saturday morning, and the sun streamed through the open windows, casting a warm glow over the living room. You were busy in the kitchen, preparing breakfast, while the sounds of excited chatter and laughter floated in from the other room. Your daughter had summoned her favorite toy, a giant box overflowing with Pokémon cards, and today was a special day: she was determined to teach your wife all about them.

“¡Mamá! Come here!” your daughter’s voice rang out, filled with excitement and urgency.

Alexia walked in, her brow furrowed in curiosity. “Qué es?, amor” she asked, glancing around to see the chaotic spread of cards scattered all over the floor.

“Today, we’re learning Pokémon!” your daughter declared, her hands flying up in the air like she was announcing a grand event. “necesitas conocerlos todos!”

Alexia chuckled, settling down on the floor across from her. “Todas ellas? That sounds… ambitious. I thought there were, like, a few?”

Your daughter shook her head vigorously, her pigtails bouncing with the motion. “There are hundreds! But we can start with the best ones. Okay, mira esto!” She grabbed a card, holding it up with both tiny hands. It featured a small, green creature with a large leaf on its head.

“Alright, what have we got here?” Alexia leaned in, squinting at the card. “Is it… Leafy?”

“Close! It’s called Bulbasaur!” your daughter exclaimed, giggling at her mother's confusion. “You can do better!”

Alexia put her hands on her hips, mock-defensively. “Hey! I’m trying my best! How do you remember all of these names?”

“Simplemente lo hago!” your daughter said, a sense of pride bubbling up in her voice. “Okay, next one!” She flipped through the deck like a professional dealer, finally landing on a card that depicted a cute, orange lizard-like creature with a fiery tail. “This one’s super famous! Who’s this, mamá?”

“Hmm… uh… Flamethrower?” Alexia guessed, a playful smirk creeping across her face.

Your daughter groaned, throwing her head back dramatically. “Nooo! It’s Charmander! You’re not even trying!”

“I swear, I’m trying!” Alexia laughed, the sound light and infectious. “It’s just… I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Pokémon episode in my life.”

You peeked into the living room from the kitchen, watching the two interact. The sight of your wife, normally so composed and fierce on the pitch, completely flummoxed by cartoon creatures, warmed your heart. You took a moment to appreciate how Alexia was wholeheartedly diving into this. Making the effort for your daughter, who is obsessed with Pokémon at her six year old age.

“Okay, okay, I can do this!” Alexia said, determined. “Dame otra oportunidad!”

Your daughter grinned, shuffling through her cards again. “This one’s easy!” She presented a card showing a round, blue creature with fins. “Quién es este?”

Alexia studied the card closely, her brow furrowed in concentration. “Uh… Watermelon Fish?”

Your daughter couldn’t contain her laughter. “No, mamá! It’s Squirtle!”

“Squirtle!” Alexia repeated, trying to mimic your daughter’s enthusiasm. “I can totally see it now. Watermelon Fish is much cuter, though.”

“Mamá, that’s not how it works!” your daughter giggled, clearly having the time of her life.

“Okay, okay! Let me think,” Alexia said, feigning seriousness. “I can get the next one. I promise!”

Your daughter eagerly dug through her pile again, finally pulling out a card featuring a large, dragon-like creature with wings and fiery breath. “This one is really cool! Who’s this?”

Alexia’s eyes widened in recognition. “I know this one! It’s… FireDragon!”

Your daughter fell onto her back in laughter, her giggles filling the room. “Close! But it’s actually Charizard!”

“I was so close!” Alexia protested playfully, raising her arms in mock defeat. “This is harder than I thought! What about… uh… Super Dragon?”

“Charizard is a super dragon!” your daughter replied, raising her brows as if to say, Duh! “Mamá, you’re doing good!”

Alexia sighed, leaning back on her hands. “Thanks, but I’m going to need a lot of practice. Maybe I should watch some episodes with you later?”

“Yesss! We can binge-watch all the old ones!” your daughter squealed, clapping her hands together.

As Alexia picked another card, she asked, “Okay, what’s this one?” It was a blue, jelly-like creature, with large eyes and a goofy expression.

“Easy! That’s Psyduck!” your daughter replied enthusiastically.

“Psyduck,” Alexia echoed, nodding. “I like that one! He looks confused, just like I am half the time!”

Your daughter giggled, her eyes sparkling with joy. “You’re not confused! You’re just learning!”

Just then, you walked back in with a plate of pancakes, setting them on the table. “Breakfast is ready, you two!”

Your daughter jumped up, her excitement bubbling over. “Can we eat and watch Pokémon at the same time?”

“Sure!” you agreed, chuckling at her enthusiasm. “Just don’t spill syrup on the cards, okay?”

Alexia stood up, dusting off her pants, and grinned at you. “I can already tell I’m going to love this.”

As you all sat down at the table, your daughter climbed into Alexia’s lap, carefully setting her Pokémon cards beside her plate. “Okay, we can start with this one!” she said, handing Alexia a card of a Pokémon that looked like a huge rock with arms.

Alexia took it, pretending to think hard. “Rocky McRockface?”

Your daughter burst into laughter again, shaking her head. “It’s Geodude! You can’t name Pokémon whatever you want!”

“Hey, I think my name is better!” Alexia argued, sticking her tongue out playfully.

As you shared pancakes and laughter, you couldn’t help but feel grateful for this moment. Watching your wife immerse herself in your daughter’s world, even when it was completely foreign to her, showed you just how much she loved being a parent.

After breakfast, the three of you cleared the table and settled on the couch, the living room filled with the sounds of animated characters and your daughter’s excited commentary. Alexia leaned back, arms wrapped around your daughter, her head resting against yours.

“See? I’m already catching on,” she whispered playfully, glancing down at the screen.

You smiled, leaning into her, your heart swelling with warmth. “Just remember, it’s all about having fun. It doesn’t matter how many you get right.”

“I’ll make it my mission,” Alexia promised, her eyes twinkling with determination. “By the end of the month, I’ll be the Pokémon master.”

“Just wait until I teach you about all the evolutions!” your daughter chimed in, her eyes shining with mischief.

“Evolutions?” Alexia raised an eyebrow, her laughter spilling out. “This is going to be a long journey, isn’t it?”

You smiled, feeling content as you watched the two of them interact, the bond between them growing stronger with each shared laugh. In that moment, you realized that this was more than just about learning Pokémon names; it was about love, connection, and the beauty of family.

As the theme song of the Pokémon series played softly in the background, you knew that your little family was creating memories that would last a lifetime. And maybe, just maybe, your wife would become a Pokémon expert after all.

[classiccowboy]

instagram j.b.

summary: follow along with joe and his fiancée evie as they go through his football career.

* face claim is yasmin quintana*

series masterlist.

evie

liked by millyg, joeyb_9, and 873,190 others

evie: did some cowgirl shit

view all 2,739 comments…

millyg: yee frickin haw

> evie: bitches 🤠

user: NO WAY IS IT HAPPENING????

user: i was hoping this thing would get called off

joeyb_9: guess i better saddle up.

> evie: i’m coming home to you cowboy. 😉

user: no wait this is so cute

user: not ev in her cowgirl era

> evie: i fear it may be permanent

user: i cannot comprehend that you guys are so in love your getting married….

> user: wym you can’t comprehend it?? they’ve been together for like 7 years and are clearly very happy?

joeyb_9

liked by bengals, bose, and 912,054 others

joeyb_9: locked in #TeamBose

view all 5,108 comments…

user: this hairstyle is the best

user: ev is so lucky

> evie: like it truly doesn’t get better than this.

user: this is giving major top gun vibes

evie: i’m locked in on you. 🤪💗

> joeyb_9: 🌽

user: yalllll this man!

used: if you need consoling after this tough season hit my line

> evie: aw. i might take you up on that offer

> user: if there’s one things ev is going to do it’s make sure errrrrbody know joe is HER man

> user: no like its giving *insecure*

evie

liked by millyg, joeyb_9, and 910,002 others

evie: my mood for the foreseeable future..

view all 3,107 comments…

user: angel girl

user: she’s a stunnnnna

lahjay10_: if joe ain’t bring some of those cookies tomorrow we may have a problem

> evie: only the best for you jay

user: a ray of sunshine

joeyb_9: photo by me, socks from my closet, cookies homemade, your smile out of this world.

> evie: the man that you are…

user: i don’t know if im rooting for you or not

user: this doesn’t seem like lifestyles of the rich and famous

> evie: you’re looking in the wrong place for that content

joeyb_9

liked by bengals, evie, and 816,901 others

joeyb_9: my hands don’t look small here

view all 6,738 comments…

user: delete this my girl has ig

bengals: caption 🤌

user: you remember what them haters had to say

evie: let’s put them to good use. 😉

> user: EV! it’s too early to be spicy in the comments!

> user: nooo she’s getting some of that BDJ 🤣

user: i wasn’t prepared for this today

user: GOODNESS GRACIOUS

evie

liked by joeyb_9, bengals, and 520,091 others

evie: why is it always so cold in seattle?

view all 6,194 comments…

user: you’re giving pick me vibes

> evie: next time you’re looking for something to comment on, please, don’t pick me. (:

user: seattle is nice when it isn’t raining

user: period !!!

millyg: a moment for YOU 💗

> evie: i luv u.

user: these pics make seattle look bad

joeyb_9: the fit goes HARD

> evie: you can borrow it anytime 🤪

> joeyb_9: game day fit?

> evie: would def be top 5 of the season.

user: why are joe and ev always so goofy in the comments, and yall think they aren’t made for each other????

> user: no bc SAME! i don’t get why people think they aren’t a good fit. they’re obsessed with each other.

joeyb_9

liked by bengals, lahjay10_, and 730,726 others

joeyb_9: Dark Knight

view all 5,720 comments…

user: that’s my QB

joemainmixon: 🐐

user: you ain’t him

user: WAKE UP JOE POSTED

lahjay10_: (TOP 2) DAM SURE AINT 2! 🐐

> evie: TELL EM JAY

user: smash

evie: i think i need a hero… 🥵

> joeyb_9: i’ll be your knight in black shoulder pads.

evie

liked by millyg, joeyb_9, and 820,092 others

evie: big week 😳

view all 5,118 comments…

user: my favorite wag

user: if y’all actually are getting married im sick.

user: are you going to share what’s happening?

user: you look STUNNING

user: wym??

user: not prepared for what’s about to go down. i have a feeling.

joeyb_9: 👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼

> user: oh shit

user: not joe about to ruin his life if speculation is true

> user: wow everyone is supportive until you realize he really isn’t ever going to leave her for you. this is crazy behavior!

evie

liked by bengals, lahjay10_, and 1,737,026 others

evie: i think i like this little life.. 🤍

view all 15,829 comments…

millyg: and that’s MRS. Evangeline Burrow!

> user: not me just now finding out ev’s full name

> user: Evangeline??? Excuse me, that’s beautiful.

user: she doesn’t deserve it.

lahjay10_: we was TURNT TF UP!

user: i am sick with jealousy

bengals: The King and his Queen, congratulations!

user: only ring he will ever get but congrats

> user: marrying the love of your life is a bigger dub than the sb ever will be.

user: congrats!

sam_hubbard_: Finally!!

user: i knew it was coming and somehow i convinced myself he was smarter than this..

joeyb_9

liked by bengals, millyg, and 1,290,001 others

joeyb_9: Mr. & Mrs.

view all 8,628 comments…

lahjay10_: congratulations brudda!

user: most overrated player in the nfl

> user: bro can’t you let him enjoy his wedding?

user: congrats, now go get that other ring!

user: i give it a few months before they are done with each other.

> user: considering they’ve been together for almost a decade, i don’t see that happening

user: we all wish we were ev rn!

bengals: that’s our QB, you lucky boy!

user: another thing to distract him from winning the super bowl

user: not fair

millyg: i’m not crying, you are. jk i am crying. i’ve been crying all day.

user: he’s too famous for this, he will get sick of her.

evies ig stories:

[wisteriaiswriting]

HI I HAD A STUPID IDEA HOPE ITS OKAY

platonic soldier 76 with younger reader like rachel and zack angels of death dynamic

like. reader works for criminal organisation or talon and when overwatch takes em down reader is a little too willing to get shot and mfs like "WELL NOW I CANT CAUSE ILL FEEL BAD. GDI, I HAVE ANOTHER KID NOW."

ℙ𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕠𝕟𝕚𝕔 𝟟𝟞 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤

Words: 185

I'm not too sure about Angels of death so this is leaning towards the plot a lot more. Also headcanons!

When he first found out a ‘child’ was working for Talon, he absolutely flipped.

[Anyone who is significantly younger than him will be called a child or something similar.]

He became determined to remove you from their grasp, believing this was against your will.

Quickly found out you were doing this willingly.

When he eventually corners you, he fully expects you to put up a fight.

But you don’t even try running off.

Instead you accepted the fact he might shoot you.

And he internally starts panicking.

He doesn’t want to shoot someone as young as you.

So he won’t actually go through with this.

Right now nothing you do will stop him from bringing you back to base with him.

Has grasped you by the collar and will haul you back with him.

Makes sure you get the best treatment for everything done.

Know’s he should step back from you now.

But nooo…

Doesn’t waste another second to gather a second child.

Signs not only the normal agent and other pieces of paperwork.

He also signs the adoption papers.

Guess Hana has another sibling!!

[absolutelynotararr]

ANOTHER LITTLE WOLF

RAR!

This idea, like many others, has been sitting in my notes for some time, and just the other day my friend and I discussed it (and we will obviously continue this, as always) Honestly, I don't remember where it all originally came from, but relatively recently this idea came to another friend of mine in a chat, then I remembered the notes and... now the post is in front of you!

What if Antinous had a younger brother? Okay, this idea has been developing for a long time and is still developing, but for now we have such a number of ideas for, probably, a new AU

• The younger brother was essentially supposed to be the same age as Telemachus. (And you should remember this, you will find out why exactly ;) )

• His name, like Aphemachus, not accidental, but again has its own meaning. We thought for a long time about what to call it so that it would be cool and interesting, the very first option wasn't particularly difficult - Evrynous (there was supposed to be a joke here, but I don't know how to present it correctly in english, but you'll get the gist as you read) , but for now we have settled on "Clamalycus ". Now for the explanation (MY FAVORITE PART AAA) Everything again comes from two greek words "Κλάμα" and "Λύκος", meaning "Crying" and "Wolf", and as a result we have "Crying wolf"! Wolf, because well, it sounds menacing and we've all heard (not) enough "Wolf" in LW that my co-writer and I couldn't resist making that reference. And crying refers to his constant behavior

• Yes, the younger brother cried a lot since birth, in absolutely any situation and for a long time, and very heart-rendingly. This habit remained with him, even when he grew older. He quarrels with someone - shouts and cries, he is offended by Antinous - shouts and cries, he fight with someone - SHOUTS AND CRIES. He cries not because of sadness, but aggressively, if I may say so.

Someone: *thinks it's a special fighting tactic to confuse the enemy and defeat him, respects the boy* Clam: *just can't hold back tears and is always crying* EM... YES, THAT'S,DAMN, IT!

• Antinous and his father, Eupeithes, also had a long decision about what to name the infant. Father was thinking of something majestic, referring to someone great, but with the same particle "lycus".

Eupeithes: hmm...how about Heraclycus? No-no... Proclycus! No, Autolycus is perfect!

Little Antinous, who, after 7 hours of his brother's crying, is ready to either hit his head against the wall, or hit his brother's head against the wall: What??? "Autolycus"?!?! With such a cry that deafens all of kingdom, he is the only real Clamalycus!

• Yes, the childishly irritated comment unexpectedly pleased the father, which is why they settled on this name for the baby and the baby himself responded only to this name, so yeah XD

• And yes, there were moments when Antinous actually considered killing his little brother, simply cause the crying was so unbearable. But he never did this, but often hinted at it, no, even said it outright, so that his brother would be afraid of him and wouldn't cry and anger him (and this, naturally, didn't work)

• Also, for some inexplicable reason, these two are always arguing, cursing each other and wishing to die soon. They are like fire - no one knows who lit the flame of hatred first, no one knows how long it will burn and no one knows how to put it out. Even their father couldn't make them become friends, so every morning they start not with "Good morning", but with "I HATE YOU!", " OH, NOOO, I HATE YOU, YOU LITTLE CRYING SHIT!", " WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF I HAD STRANGLED YOU IN YOUR OWN CRADLE", " WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF YOUR FRIENDS HAD CUT YOUR THROAT!".

Clamalycus: *Getting ready to go somewhere* Antinous: Be so kind, little bastard, and die somewhere, tripping over the first stone. Clamalycus, mimicking: "Be so kind, little bastard, and die somewhere, tripping over the first stone. Me-me-me..." (๑•̀ㅂ•́)

• They reminded me of Michael and the crying boy from the FNAF series, but with a more intense and aggressive relationship. And then my best friend remembered Belphegor with Rasiel and said that they reminded me of them in some way (and then I started re-watching this old miracle. WHY IS SQUALO SO BRUTAL-)

The second part will be today/tomorrow, but for now don't forget to also read about other au's that are on my best friend's blog! It's just a miracle, really, reader! @gareleia

updated: El gave me permission to mention her yeah, she had a hand in this idea and actually helped me remember it, so thanks u SM! :D @elianzis

[lakesbian]

“Look, I know you’re on his team.  Process of elimination, you have to be the bug girl.” I shook my head, as much to deny it as in exasperation.  What the hell, Brian? “He told me that he had powers, didn’t say what they were.  Since he has powers, he thinks there’s a chance I could get ’em too.  Didn’t want me to be surprised.  I figured out who he was after that, saw something about some villains robbing a casino on a night he wasn’t at home, started keeping track of times he wasn’t available and it kept matching up.  Called him on it, and he didn’t do a very good job at denying it.”

i love that brian thought he was going to get away with. telling her he has powers. and then expecting her to believe that the corporate job is real and the apartment is legitimately gained and he's just genuinely making this much money age 17. aisha is the world's nicest girl for not constantly dragging him for how ridiculous it is that he robs casinos and banks and shit and then comes home like No You May Not See A Movie With Friends. also it's fucked up and evil that she knew who regent was before actually meeting him and has noooo idea. she doesn't even know. she saw him on the news and did not even know. she has nooo idea. she does not even know. shes not aware. do you think she thought his costume looked stupid

[smeowchi]

Helllllo! Don't mind silly Simple man asking you to ramble abt your fav AU that you created, wanna hear it<3

BOY HOWDY DO I HAVE SOME AUS FOR YA

Or, well, one is more of a story? Kinda? Set between seasons 1 & 2

Either way I love both of em so I’m gonna talk about both of em! ;3c (Below a cut because there’s gonna be. a lot.)

Okay, so first off, we have what I’ve decided to finally name properly (totally not just thought up a cool name as I’m typing this, haha, what, nooo..)

Re: Chipped!

It’s a lot of what I’ve posted about in terms of AUs, and what I’ve gotten built up the most out of the two of em. Essentially, on a very base level, it’s ‘haha what if PAMA didn’t fully leave Lukas and takes over his body again’

You can actually find the first chapter of it here! I’m still working on chapter two because life stuff has kicked me, but yknow! It’s something I adore a good bit, given I both adore angst and such, and Lukas is one of ,y favorites <3 (Sorry, buddy, you must suffer because I like you!)

Beyond just the basic ‘what if’ premise, though, it has a lot more detail. It’s not just the regular ‘oh, PAMA is back, people get chipped again/it gets policed’, nonono. Not only does PAMA study Lukas and learn how to fly under the Radar (quite literally, in one case, haha), but after Harper is called to deal with the situation.. PAMA gains a new directive. Not to mention the fact that PAMA is able to blend in a lot more easily, due to the ‘red eye’ thing.. not exactly being as prevalent anymore. Who knows what’ll happen if PAMA isn’t kept under lock and key. Especially once it remembers Redstonia or the portal hallway from Lukas’ memories..

In terms of my other (and actually proper) AU, Admin’s Pawns, here’s a blurb I typed up on a previous post!

“Have you ever wanted to see what would happen if Season 2 starred all the ‘villains’ from the portal hall arc? Well, now you can! Romeo’s picked up a new set of champions, enemies from Jesse’s past who have been specially trained to catch them off guard and attempt to defeat them. Cassie (+ Winslow <3), Aiden, Hadrian, Mevia, and even a few extra familiar faces make an appearance, as the Admin’s army grows to give Beacontown’s hero an adventure they’ll never forget.. for better, or worse.”

It’s also something I’ve been writing here and there, and will post on AO3 at some point! ;3c

There, alas, isn’t much to share story-wise, given it’s not fully fleshed out, but I can share some character details! Although Romeo had to fight tooth and nail to get the group together in the first place, especially given his powers don’t work as well when not in the ‘base world’. When gathering those who were through the portal hallway, he was much weaker. But boy, oh boy, would it be worth it.

Aiden was trained as a sort of guard. Relying on strength alone whilst fighting, and being able to give blows while tanking some himself, he wields an enchanted diamond claymore.

Cassie is much more stealth-based. She relies on being able to catch the enemy off guard. An assassin or rogue type, if you will. Using a hooded cloak, and a face mask reminiscent of her serial killer alter ego, she’s able to stick to the shadows. Popping out to swing one of her diamond axes through her target before using one of her handcrafted ender pearl throwing knives to teleport away again. (She also does keep Winslow with her at all times, not wanting to risk potentially losing him again.)

Hadrian and Mevia’s roles aren’t exactly solidified yet, unfortunately. But as of right now, they’re more advisors than anything. Not exactly fighting, but doing things behind the scenes. That, or you can also think of them as the equivalent to Statler and Waldorf from The Muppets. (/hj)

Amongst their living quarters, however, there seems to be.. a workshop of some sort. The group has been advised never to open the door, but they can hear the goings on within. Sometimes hearing voices, one of which ringing slight bells to only Aiden. The other, however, remains a mystery. Oh, well. Best to follow the boss’ orders, right?

Sorry, I know this is a lot to read, but if you have questions or wanna know more, feel free to ask!! I’d love to share more about my silly things <;3c (This goes for anyone btw, not just Simple!)

[cosmicstarlatte]

Customer Service (Obey Me!)

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They try contacting customer service. 🤷‍♂️

»Characters: Demon Bros

»Tags: Certified Shitpost™️, Pathetic Lucifer is my favorite Lucifer

»Notes: It's been a while since I've done a shitpost bulleted fic so ♡reblogs♡ are appreciated. I've had this wip since March apparently? 💀

Lucifer:

A hand on his hip and the phone in the other

This man means business

"Don't talk to me, I'm trying to keep my level of anger"

Held onto his anger for two hours waiting for the next agent

The annoying hold music only fueled him

Tried to be reasonable with the agent when he got patched through

But they were new

"Look, just get me your manager."

Waited another half hour for them

The problem got fixed rather quickly actually

smirked in satisfaction...Lucifer always wins.

If only he noticed the two stuck pages in the manual, he would've not wasted his morning

Mammon:

If he wasn't broke he would've paid someone else to make the call

Waited for an hour but it felt like eternity

"Yeah ain't there a satisfaction guarantee on this anyway!? The customers always right!"

Tried to get a replacement for his earbuds

And a refund while he was at it

Scammy? What?? Nooo....

"They fell in the wash! It's not my fault! Did I get insurance? Who has the money for that?"

Him and the agent went back and forth for a while

The agent finally caved and promised to replace the earbuds

"Finally! Ya better send 'em quick! -click-"

...

He realized he never gave the agent his address & had to start the process all over again

Levi:

Lol

Tried online chat but his specific issue needed a real agent because...of course it would

Tried to pay one of his brothers to make the call for him

They rather stab themselves or wage war against Diavolo than call customer service

Took anxiety medication before trying to call

Waited three hours on hold but played something soothing in the meantime

helloooo ruri and friends crossing

He stopped when he heard the hold music stop

"Hello thank you for calling Akuz-"

click

"It's not that important."

Satan:

This is how a pro does it.jpg

Drank his little coffee and ate his fresh little pastry

See, he set an alarm to call customer service right when they open their lines

Had the number typed and ready to go with a press

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP

Finally!

-dialing tone-

"Hello. Your wait time is 2 hours and-"

...

...

...

Slammed his phone on the floor and it broke

Went to go fight the company in person

His issue got fixed

The company had to tighten their security after this incident

Asmo:

Is that one lucky demon that happens to get patched through quickly

He was having problems with his devilgram account verification

Just as he started speaking about his issue the agent freaked out

Turns out they were a huge fan and could automatically tell it was the REAL™️ Asmo speaking

The issue got fixed and Asmo stayed talking with the agent because they sounded really cute

One thing led to another and...it went from a customer service hotline to a phone sex one real quick

This always happens when he calls customer service akskjfksls

Beel:

Collected all the snacks he had

Even cooked an entire feast

He needed everything he could get before making the dreaded call

After an hour of waiting (and barely any snacks left) he finally got to an agent!

It was a pleasant experience for both sides

Beel is getting sent replacements for his shoes plus a discount voucher for his next purchase

güd boi™️ as usual

Belphie:

Almost fell asleep while waiting

The music soothed him, they had classical music playing

He's not really sure how long he waited if he's being honest

When he finally got to the agent he sounded so weak the agent was concerned

"Mm? No I'm always like ...losing... consciousness ...it's normal...zzz..."

The agent was still so concerned they sent someone to the HOL to check on him

Beel ended up making the call for him

⬦You might also like: Coconut︱Devil-Mart⭐︱Waffle House

[pumpkinsy0]

And…what if I asked to start this new year off with some angst headcanons? Specifically the gang accidentally forgetting Two-Bit’s birthday. (Bonus points if you throw in either Dar-Bit,Dalbit, Or TimBit,you can decide.)

Idk everyone always says they’d forget Ponyboy or Sodapop’s birthday. And I genuinely can’t see that happening with how the Curtis brothers act. But I can definitely see them accidentally missing Two-Bit’s birthday. I can also see Two having very mixed feelings on this especially if his own family forgot as well.

id tell u that ur soooo real for it i love drama too

•FOR THE CURTIS GANG AND BDAYS, mrs curtis actually made a whole list of everyones day so she doesnt forget and after she died, darry followed that tradition on (or at least tried to). darrys the one who tells everyone whos bday it is so EVERYONNEEE wishes them well, this time however, he was so exhausted from work he misread two’s bday as being later on in the month

•tbh, two bit never striked me as the type to put a lot of emphasis on his bday, he loves having fun but i dint think hes BIG on the attention that comes w it being ur bday, he doesnt complain about it however. in his head its just if u remember u remember, if u dont, u dont, hes not gonna wish death upon u or somethin

•he expected that from a LOT of ppl to not know it was his bday, but not the gang. maybe one or two ppl but all of em??? hes a lil hurt, but hey they got their own lives, he was probably gonna spend most of the day celebrating on his own anyways, hes not totally bogged down thankfully

•if u want him to b extra sad, be tried hanging out w at least one person from the gang, but they all brushed him off, he was like a stray cat walking around for one singular crumb of attention. they didnt even have to know it was his birthday, he just wanted to b around someone

•what would b two’s tipping point is the fact that he doesnt have cake, and i dont mean this in a “he wants to eat cake cause two loves cake, thats all his character is” kinda way. its bc he wouldve liked to have a littttllleee moment of connection w ppl he loved, its more what the cake represents ig u could say!!! the cake being good is just a bonus

•so god damn it if he cant have cake, he might as well get free drinks over at bucks, make something good out of a not so good birthday. thats where he bumped into,,,hold my hand for this🫴🏽,,,,tim,,,woah,,,,,

•tim was there playing pool and noticed two looking slightly defeated, which means a lot cause hes never seen that guy upset so whatever happens has to b solve IMMEDIATELY🗣️🗣️

•tim personally doesnt care much for his own bday, like truthfully he doesnt, so when it comes to listening to two, he has a bit of a hard time relating to him, not that he doesnt care, but he does brush it off a bit, he sees it as something pretty simple but its BC he sees it as so simple that he decides to stay w him for a bit, for his sake

•they played stupid games, they now have 2 inside jokes, yet they could never rlly explain to someone WHAT they talked about, they were just yapping asay. their asses were totally carved into this bar stool chairs, they didnt leave for HOURS, hell they didnt even realize they were there for so long till bucks place got pretty quiet from most ppl leaving. am i allowed to say that tim even gave two his number to call if he ever needed anything bc if all the free drinks two gave tim??? dudes loving dudes, u love to see it,,,

•as far as it goes w the curtis gang, they dont realize his bday passed till a few days later, darry took a look at that piece of paper and his heart dropped, he felt so bad about it and apologized. does two have any bad feelings over it???? nooo bc the gang made a surprise late bday party just for him and he got his cake :D

[puppyie-innit]

tickles for when yur sick/feelin icky っ◞ ﻌ ◟ς

my stupid big bruder has dis new old habit of playin doctor wif me..

like checkin reflexes an sayin how the t-word is soo important for my health

i love hate it

(bubbie knows how much ive always feared doctors an avoid em, especially when it comes to shots an strong smells.. so i fink dis is kinda his way of comfortin an showin me dat not all doctors are scary, an none of em are designed to hurt me.. i wuv him)

anyways, here’s a scenario story thingy inspired by it:

The room is quiet except for the hum of an old heater and the rustle of blankets as I burrow deeper into my makeshift cocoon. Sick days are supposed to be restful, but my “doctor” has other plans. He leans over, stethoscope in hand—an actual one, from who knows where—and mutters somethin about checkin my reflexes.

I groan, already suspicious.

He gently pokes at my side, and I squeak involuntarily. “Ah-ha,” he says, with mock seriousness. “Reflexes are still sharp. Good sign.”

“St-stop!” I squirm, but I’m smilin now, even if my stuffy nose makes it harder to breathe. His fingers dance along my ribs like they have a mind of their own, “examinin” every ticklish spot they can find.

“It’s important for your health!” he insists, ignorin my half-hearted protests as I wriggle under his grip.

He doesn’t stop, of course. He never does when I’m laughin like this, even when I’m breathless and weak from bein sick. His hands shift to my tummy, givin it the lightest scribbles that somehow feel the worst.

“See? Tummy’s all jumpy. Definitely a sign of improvement,” he teases, grinnin like he’s cracked some groundbreakin medical discovery.

“Y-you’re the worst doctor ever!” I manage between giggles, kickin weakly at the blankets, which only traps me more.

“Worst?” he gasps dramatically, pressin a hand to his chest as if I’ve wounded him. “I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in tickle-ology.”

I whine through a laugh, half-buryin my face in the pillow to muffle the sound. “That’s not even a real thing!”

“Sure it is! And as a certified tickle doctor, I prescribe more giggles to cure what ails you.” His fingers find the spot just under my arms, and I squeal, thrashin as much as my sick, blanket-bound self can.

“Nooo! I’m—hehe—healthy! I swear! You don’t need to—eee!—check anymore!”

He slows for a moment, just enough to let me catch my breath, but his hands rest threateningly near my sides. “Hmm… I dunno. Maybe one last checkup. I have to be thorough, after all.”

I growl, both dreadin and secretly lovin what’s coming next. “You’re evil.”

“And you’re giggly. Now hold still—doctor’s orders!”

I want to hate it—really, I do—but I love the way he makes me feel safe even when I’m too sick to do much else. His silly “doctor” game doesn’t hurt; it just reminds me that some things, like him, are soft, warm, and safe.