#but nobody says why can't they just be friends
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Al comes back from her weekly "Bingo and Bitches" session one night, quickly telling Logan and Wade all about it, then heads to bed for a good night sleep.
Logan doesn't think anything off it, until Wade comes home the next day covered in blood and dripping in sweat.
"Uh...Wade- what happened? You okay? You didn't say you had a mission- shit- it's not those fucking AVT motherfuckers again is it?" Logan asks, rushing over and checking for any injuries. He knows that there shouldn't be, but he needed to make sure. Just cause Wade healed, doesn't mean it didn't hurt- doesn't mean it couldn't be taken away- and Logan liked to make sure he was looked after when he had been injured.
"Oh- no I'm fine!! AL! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!" Wade replied, yelling for the older women as he heads further into the apartment, throwing his mask off, his huge smile now visible to everyone else.
Logan is visibly confused now, and moved to stand next to Wade, watching as Al comes out of her room.
"What do you want motherfucker? I was trying to watch my stories!" She says, her hands on her hips.
"I dealt with the guy you mentioned! The one you said pushed infront of you at the bingo hall? Dealt with. He will not bother my sweet sweet mother figure ever again." Wade said proudly, smile still plasterd on his face as he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the women's cheek.
"You are good to me Wade. Not all the time, but sometimes. Now- I'm missing this episode of Family Fortune!" She says before shuffling off back to her room.
"Anyway, how was your day babe?" Wade asks casually, jumping up and sitting on the kitchen island, swinging his legs slightly.
"I...I have so many questions- what the fuck was that!?" Logan asks, staring up and Wade with a glare. He knew what the fuck that was, he could guess. Wade had killed the guy that had pissed Al off last night- which was really why he was so confused and angry. "I thought you stopped 'dealing with issues' like that! We talked about it! You can't just...just kill people who annoy your friends!"
"But....but he upset Al." Wade said, confusion now covering his own face. "He pushed her, and butted in line. She could've broken a hip! I ain't lettin' nobody hurt my mama like that!" He said dramatically, his arms moving as he spoke.
"You know what, as long as you don't kill people for pissing the rest of our family off...I will allow that."
And that's how Logan is also now allowed to kill people for Al.
Wade is 100% the type of guy to be told by his friends that they don't like someone, and instantly, he doesn't like them either. He hates them. Yukio doesn't like the owner of the deli? Wade is going to be rude to him if he sees him. Collosus hates the house a few doors down from the school because they have been putting up anti mutant posters? Wade is finding the phone number and writing it on bathroom stalls. Logan feels uncomfortable around their upstairs neighbor because she made a few comments about his body? Wade is commenting on her body and making sure she feels uncomfortable around him.
Normally, he would love to just go and kill these assholes, but he promises Logan to tone it down.
Al? Al let's him kill people who upset her though.
#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#wade wilson#deadclaws#deadpool 3#deadpool#logan howlett#wade x logan#logan#wade winston wilson#blind al
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El-Max parallels implying Billy's physical abuse of Max
quick mostly-gif analysis. we're told that Billy "takes his anger out on Max" and that he "made her life living hell." was he physically abusive to Max all along? nobody ever says that.
we see Billy physically abuse Lucas and Steve. but if we're talking strictly about Max, those phrasings leave room for people to argue that Billy might've been emotionally abusive, but didn't actually hit her or anything. that that arm-grab in the car is just sibling behavior and not necessarily indicative of abuse.
and, hey man, look, you're right that they never say. but there's lots of things this show never explicitly says.
note that we only see Billy hurt Max twice, and both of those are parallels to ways we also see him hurt El.
the Billy-Max arm grab is suspiciously similar to the Billy-El arm grab. surprise grab, struggle/yanking, and then a rough release. he makes the same face.
(I've seen the argument that Max's daring snark before, and surprise at, the grab suggests he's never hurt her before. but I think both could just as well be explained by the fact that they're in public, where she thought she was safer from this than at home.)
we also see El and Max take facial injuries from flayed Billy at Starcourt. these close ups of their injuries are in consecutive scenes:
and we see him hurt El lots more times than we do Max.
so if the only two we know about are parallels, it makes me wonder about all the other times:
Billy strangling El
the way Billy pauses to look pointedly at Max as he starts strangling El, like he's getting something out of her, in particular, watching this. and then the way Max later looks guilty about the bruise it leaves on El's throat. (I will be discussing this at length soon)
Billy throwing the weights at El
that scene where he's lifting weights and yelling at Max (who's duct taping the skateboard he's heavily implied to have broken as punishment about Lucas)... hmmmm.
hey it's almost like the skateboard is a symbol of / scapegoat for Billy's abuse, because remember:
baby Max with the broken arm
maybe she broke it skateboarding. she did tell Nancy and Jonathan that skateboarding is why she knows first aid, but they don't look like they're buying it.
however, we just so happen to have seen another flashback of baby Max before, which makes it clear that she already knew Billy around this age. (Runaway Max says Billy broke her friend's arm btw.)
Billy repeatedly leaning over El at Starcourt
the "stay still" shit and the way he's repeatedly, unnecessarily, on top of El in that scene, using his body to trap her in. (like. if he wants her to quit struggling, it'd be easier to kick her when he's already standing than to get back on all fours and headbutt her. why does he actively get in the way of the MF to keep Doing That.) we've seen Billy block Max in before with the silent threat of his physicality. a subtle taste of a commonly overlooked form of abuse.
those all leave me wondering about the ones I can't think of Max screenshots to pair with.
Billy slamming El by the face... throwing her into the wall to knock her out... dragging El by the foot as she tries to crawl away from him (only to get back on top of her once again)...
but hey. no worries. they never said any of that.
#givehimthemedicine analysis#billy hargrove#max mayfield#eleven#tw abuse#some of these gifs are š© but I'm not doing it again#very much hoping the sa flavors are purely vecna and not really a billy thing (not that I'm happy about it being anyone's thing)#but the rest...
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True Detective Season 1 AU where Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto are homicide detectives working on a case together
Geto is an excellent detective. At least that's what he heard from his superiors when he finally got a chance to work on a case that will most likely shape his career. For better or for worse but he tries not to think about it too much right now.
He has two daughters he loves, he has family and friends he cares about and a partner he doesn't know and struggles to understand. Sometimes he thinks Gojo is able see more that other people can but there's so much bullshit Gojo says that he just refuses to believe it. Because if he believes any of it he'll have to accept that his whole world was wrong and he brought two kids there.
He goes to Gojo's house once ā white walls, a plain mattress and a picture of a dark haired kid he wasn't supposed to see hidden under some books. "I don't drink," Gojo says when he returns to the room ā referencing that pitiful invitation to join his family for dinner. "But I can come if you want. I'll bring a lemon pie and some flowers. That OK?"
"Sure," Geto tries to fix the books before catching his gaze. "You know I can't stop thinking about one thing."
"Hm?"
"Why do you even do all of that?" he points at the room. "I mean how do you spend your money? What's all of that for? Your job, everything."
"Because I know I can help. I'm doing what I'm good at."
He's the best detective Geto ever met in his life actually.
But no one seems to believe Gojo when he finds a connection between their current case and all those kids that went missing in the area during the last twenty years. Nobody seems to care about them anymore. Sure, they're not like two girls he comes home to after his work ā clean nice dresses and neat ponytails. People feed him and Gojo with some half-baked stories like they thought these kids ran away from their parents or they were killed by the wildlife. But Geto can't unsee certain things anymore.
There's something going on here and people who were praising him for his good work might be a part of it ā without a carefully put blindfold even the sky hurts his eyes. And he can't shrug off the feeling of loneliness that comes with it.
He looks at Gojo as they're driving from another rundown house to the other and he's thankful to him but at the same time he knows that both of them are cursed.
"Then IĀ closed my eyes, andĀ sawĀ theĀ Crimson King moving throughĀ theĀ forest," Gojo says ā his eyes are as clear as ever but his smile is almost insane. "I was there, Suguru. I saw the shrine of the Crimson King."
#jjk au#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#satosugu#goge#geto suguru#sukuna#gojo satoru#true detective#it's like bad bad but i had to do it sorry
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on the subject of vampire polyamory specifically in relation to Lestat, Armand, and Louis, I think people are forgetting that there's a difference between an open relationship and a throuple. All 3 of those vampires are pretty poorly equipped to handle an open relationship with Lestat "I don't like sharing" de Lioncourt probably being the worst equipped, however I do think that the three of them could probably manage with a poly relationship where all members of the relationship are dating all other members of the relationship and the relationship is closed.
Thank you! Speaking of relationship configurations as a whole, this is so true. Polyamorous and open relationships are not necessarily the same and people tend to generalize them so much. It's the same with pan and bisexual people, it's not because you're into every gender that you're into every single person. I'm personally all for freer relationships (polyamorous, open, non-exclusive, any and all of them), I keep the door open and yet never used it because there was never a need for it, but it's still open if that changes one day. It's just about not being controlling for me. I feel really weird about trying to police each other's actions, bodies and feelings. So, I'm like, as long as there is love and respect, we're free to follow our heart wherever it takes us. I don't see having more than one parent, kid or friend as a problem, so I don't know why romantic love would be any different. For me, the problem is that it is hard to fall in love, be lucky enough to be reciprocated and accommodate a romance with all the other aspects of your life in the little time humans have with one person, let alone two or more individuals. Also, the risk of pregnancy, diseases etc. Now, vampires that live forever, can't get sick or pregnant? It makes perfect sense.
About Loumandstat, I can definitely see what you're saying. Specially for what I've read on the books so far. I don't know in depth how the chronicles will end, what Rolin will choose to do and if that's logistically possible on a show with only 7-8 episodes per season (I do believe they work miracles with the little time they have, but it's still not the same as having 13 books), but I think there's enough argument to support giving it a try or at least leaving it open to interpretation if they want, even if they don't do it with the main three (or four) characters.
Not to mention they're vampires and I find the idea of living forever with only person and love narrow-minded, limiting and unrealistic (same goes to gender, sexuality and norms in general). It's way more convincing to me that feelings would evolve and relationships would expand over time. I also believe many of their problems come from having just one person to be the lover, friend, therapist, parent and mentor all at the same time.
Ans you can't have one individual playing all the roles in your life... This usually makes things implode and they end up going from one person to nobody and complete loneliness. It just never work, no matter how compatible they are. You need multiple people to spend eternity with and all the love you can find: platonic, familial and, yes, maybe even romantic.
#interview with the vampire#IWTV#the vampire chronicles#tvc#vampire chronicles#vc#anne rice#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#armand#ldpdl#loumandstat#vampire polycule
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Neo 3 ^^
Ref sheet done, lol. This took forever ahhh!! Ik it's not the neatest, but it gets the job done XD.
I'll go into more detail under the cut.. (lore)
Everleigh used to live in Inkpolis Plaza but her family had to move to the Splatlands a couple years back, to take care of her grandma. Her life kinda changed from then XD. The treatment for her grandma was expensive and turf war just wasn't cutting it anymore... so her parents suggested Salmon Run (Everleigh had no idea what this was at the time) but she agreed, nonetheless, after all if it pays well it can't be that bad, right?
Well this is where she developed weird "attachment issues" to the salmonids, she thought they were cute (especially smallfry), and wondered why so many people wanted to take their eggs, they didn't deserve that... So she started slacking off, not getting quota on purpose, giving eggs to snatchers, not reviving teammates ect... nobody ever suspected her though..
How she met Waffle..
One day at the end of a shift, Everleigh noticed an injured Smallfry near the shore, struggling to move, she went to help him but she could hear the helicopter about to leave, so she put him in her bag and scrambled back. She looked after him for weeks and weeks, feeding him, giving him a place to sleep, going on morning runs all to get his strength back! It wasnt easy though, as she had to hide him from everbody, she even took him to work (while bribing him with food as a reward, lol) he just stayed in her bag the whole time!
Eventually he was back to his bubbly self and fully recovered which meant Everleigh had to return him to the sea... She had always intended this, but she had grown far too attached to him, she couldn't stomach the thought of a co-worker killing him.. so she decided to keep him and named him Waffle!
The day she became an agent...
As usual she was on her way to work with Waffle, she was about to walk up the stairs when she heard a voice, it was coming from a manhole, she looked over and a strange old man was signaling her to walk over, he disappeared down the manhole and they follow him...
*I'll spare you the whole story mode Alterna plot you already know what happens XD*
After defeating Mr Grizz she knew for a fact she couldn't work for him anymore. She told her parents that she wanted to quit but they wouldn't let her, they said it was too much money to give up, then they started guilt tripping her saying things like "you really don't want to help your grandma..?" This made her feel terrible and she reluctantly continued working for a few more weeks... until she just couldn't take it anymore, she stomped into grizzco, slammed her things on the desk and shouted "I quit!" and she never set foot in there again. She traded the gold scales she'd earned over the years to a random octoling for money, (she sure wouldn't need those anymore) and managed to pay for her grandma's treatments! She now lives with her grandma and Waffle in a small apartment and works full time as an agent, getting paid now by the captain! She rarely speaks to her parents and will leave the apartment when they visit.
Side effects of becoming an agent..
.She doesn't have much time to do things anymore as she's always busy doing missions
.Her hair now looks a little fluffy, this is due to all the fuzzy ooze she fell in..
.She kinda developed ptsd from fighting her way through the missions.
.Feels like she can't meet Waffle's needs and doesn't want to overwork him.
These are just a few things, but she can't say she regrets anything, after all, it was her release from everything. She made new friends, defeated Grizz, participates in turf and anarchy again (with the other agents) and best of all she's happier now, that's what really matters!
That's about it really, sorry for the long story, š I just wanted to get it out there since she didn't have much character development before, so if you made it here,thank you so much for reading the whole thing, I appreciate you!! ^^ I apologise if it didn't really make sense...
Here's a close up of Waffle as a reward XP
š«¶
#ill design her grandma eventually im still trying to think of her name i got no ideas#splatoon#neo 3#splatoon agent ocs#smallfry#backstory#carlzy rambling hopelessly#nah but i really did ramble lol#my art#my oc art#splatoon 3#artists on tumblr#nintendo
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sa ramblings under here, specifically about sa and pregnancy
nobody is asking for my opinion on this but its something i've thought about all my life. which is that i'd probably carry a rapists baby to term if i had the choice and resources at the time. cuz i want a kid and i don't want to have sex or pay for fertilization or anything. and if it already happened then. well. might as well get something i want out of it.
this is not a take about abortion btw. it's just something about me that's always been the case. i know that conservative freaks want to force people to give birth to rapists babies which is like. awful and disgusting. but it's always made me uncomfortable how people will go to the extreme opposite and say shit like "who would EVER want to CARRY their RAPISTS BABY that's DISGUSTING and EVIL" like idk. me i guess. what happened to it being about choice. you don't have to paint it as an inherently degrading and repulsive and weak thing to choose.
obviously this is hypothetical to me right now, maybe if it actually happened i'd change my mind. but i've been repulsed by the idea of having sex with someone for as long as i can remember, i would think about it a lot as a kid because i didnt WANT to have sex, but i DID want kids, and i did want to get pregnant, and i never knew if i'd have the money to use a donor. plus donors are like, their own whole bag of worms.
so like as a 13 year old i was basically thinking it was the only way to get what i wanted i guess? like i'd get a kid and not have to be stuck with a partner. and yeah i'd get raped, but at the time rape seemed almost inevitable, because my dad was so obsessed with telling me that i specifically was going to be raped.
anyway i might delete this later cuz i know no one on the internet can read, but it's been on my mind i guess. probably cuz my friend told me about people getting mad about a mouthwashing fan comic where anya kept the lil fetus lmao. i haven't seen it so i can't judge it but as someone who wants kids, regardless of how they come to me, i find the knee jerk reaction that its an inherently disgusting, degrading decision to make or write about a little weird. as though it would be conceding to the rapist somehow to decide to have the kid.
to me the choice to keep it or abort it has always been key, and it's the ability to chose that turns it into something empowering. which is why you should always have that choice and not be shame for it either way.
like, if you abort it it's like congrats! you flushed the parasite out of your system and don't have to fear or worry about that anymore! and if you keep it, it's like, someone tried to hurt me and i turned it into something to treasure. but if you don't have a choice either way, that's when it's horrific and degrading. whatever :p
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*Busts down the door* NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
Ha, sorry! I just saw this post and felt compelled to add my own two cents since Macaqueās characterization and reception by fandom is something I feel pretty strongly about. Also bear in mind I mean none of this hatefully, Iām just participating in a debate.
While again, you're correct and valid in a lot of your points, I just can't agree with the statement that Macaque is just a bad person.
Thatās great! Because Time didnāt say Macaque was ājustā a bad person. They actually acknowledge several times that heās complex and multi-faceted. But being complex doesnāt mean you canāt also be an asshole to almost every other person you interact with. He repeatedly hurts several characters, and in the first two seasons he does so with zero provocation other than his hatred for Sun Wukong. Heās complex, yes, but still a dick.
I get what you're saying, but season 3 is entirely about dissecting the characters (namely Wukong and Macaque) while they're at their most vulnerable. And while this show isn't really known for consistent writing at times, the season is also spent getting to know Macaque and what his true intentions are.
I get what youāre saying here, but thatāsā¦ debatable? Monkie Kid has 11 minute episodes, and a lot of them are crammed with details that arenāt expanded on. Wukong is consistently benched every season and special, even if itās done differently each time. He literally spends half of s3 meditating, and in the special heās possessed. We donāt really see him at his āmost vulnerableā unless you count him being yelled at by Mei and then possessed by LBD, and even then thatās not really emotional vulnerability ā which I assume is what youāre referring to.
Similarly, Macaque isnāt really emotionally vulnerable either. Heās tossed around by LBD, and sure, heās āvulnerableā, but he spends all those scenes being terrified or snarky. We donāt really see inside his head at all. Andā what ātrue intentionsā? Heās literally hunting down the Monkie Kids to deliver them to LBD because sheās threatening him into compliance. Those arenāt true intentions, thatās just forced compliance.
M.K literally goes "deep, deep down, you're not [a bad] guy", and Macaque takes that as his incentive to join the group and help them save the world, which he continues to do for the next two seasons.
Uh, yeahā¦ so, I did not like that speech at all and I think it was done very poorly and was unwarranted, but that is only my opinion. However, Macaque didnāt really help in s4. He just showed MK a video game to motivate him into fighting Azure and nominally helps Mei beat Peng. Not a lot happens, and heās certainly not remorseful or apologetic towards anyone for howās heās treated them in the past. Itās just kinda brushed over. In s5 heās a LOT more helpful of his own will though, Iāll give you that.
He also only was present for 1 episode in season 1, and I think 2 in season 2, so it surely wasn't "two full seasons". These seasons we don't know almost anything about him. We're supposed to take his actions purely at face value up until Season 3, where it's all spent letting us know that he does all of it because he was terribly hurt and betrayed (at least to him) by his closest and only friend (regardless of the nuances of that situation as well) and feels now more than ever that he can only rely on himself (something he also literally says). It's why he tries to save himself over the world (along with his well-hidden but clearly there) hope and belief that MK and his friends were capable enough to handle the rest in Season 3.
Okay, you may be right that we didnāt see a lot of Macaque in the first two seasonsā¦ but what we did see from him was not good AT ALL. Sure, he may have only had two episodes, but he spent those episodes being a dick and torturing MK and his friends for funsies. You canāt just say āoh, we havenāt seen their full character yet!ā Just because he only had two episodes in the first two seasons. Even if he had little screen time, he spent all of it being a manipulative asshole.
And as for s3 ā again, even if heās traumatized and has hope for the Mobile Kids, heās acting on it in the most dickish way possible. He didnāt HAVE to separate the van into two copies and torture Mei and Sandy, but he did. He couldāve just isolated MK, taken him to LBD, and finished the job. He chose to keep Mei and Sandy around to get to MK.
Him "having fun while doing it" is, again, why we're meant to take his actions at face value. He acts like he doesn't care how he makes people feel, acts like he just hurts people for the fun of it, when there are clear reasons (justifiable or not) why he does those things.
ā¦ This is just headcanon territory. Iām sorry, but the only time Macaque shows a SMIDGEN of regret for what heās doing is in s3 ep10 when he is actively being consumed by LBDās curse, and even then he sounds more in pain than anything.
This is shown all throughout season three. He didnāt have to torture the Monkie Kids, level Ao Guangās palace, hold Mei hostage, beat the shit out of Tang and degrade him, or choose to mock MK when he couldāve just gotten the job done with. He CHOSE to do those things, and he smiled the whole time. If you interpret him as remorseful thatās totally fine, but that is a headcanon. If he was genuinely sorry, he would have said something or showed even ONE SECOND of remorse on his face when he was alone.
His debut episode, he only does anything he does to get back at Wukong because he's upset for a valid reason. Was it okay for him to hurt MK the way he did? Of course not. But he didn't do it just because he's evil and likes hurting people, he did it because he hides away his good nature to keep people away and avoid being hurt (something he actually unveils that very episode in his lessons to MK. Macaque indirectly lets us know how he thinks with his learned ruthlessness).
Yeah, uh, I donāt know how to say this, but your buddy killing you 500 years ago doesnāt justify you trying to kill his mentee. Is the reason heās upset valid? Yeah. Not valid enough to manipulate and try to murder MK, though.
Alsoā¦ we have no proof he āhides his good awayā. That was an assessment made by MK. You know, the guy who generally tries to see the good in people. Maybe Macaque was teaching MK with methods he genuinely believed in, but you can literally see throughout the episode how Macaque is manipulating MK and making him more and more angry and prone to lashing out so he can steal his powers. Using MK to get back at Wukong was Macaqueās first and foremost priority that episode.
In Shadow Play, he outright refers to MK as his student, and they have a conversation at the end that really should've explained everything. He says he's "a good kid with a terrible mentor".
Macaque calls himself MKās mentor to fuck with him. Thatās it. He says it in a mocking tone, and is pleased when MK snaps back. I agree that he was definitely growing somewhat fond of MK by the end, but that doesnāt change the fact that āstudentā was a word used by Macaque to mock MK, and MK visibly reacts with anger and frustration when heās called that by Macaque. Not exactly a moniker used with fondness in that episode.
This episode isn't him mentally tormenting MK just for the sillies.
ā¦ Yes. It literally is. The entire episode he mocks MK and makes assumptions about MKās character that he based on (his biased and untrustworthy view of) Sun Wukong. Macaque literally drags MK through the mud while peppering his friends around, laughing at him for relating to the warrior. Why? Because Macaque assumes MK and Sun Wukong are the same people when theyāre NOT.
Alsoā¦ even if Macaque was trying to teach MK a lesson, he didnāt have to strip away the free will of three people to do it. He had so many other options. He chose to hurt people.
It's him, in the harsh and brash nature I mentioned before that we actually see best in perspective post-redemption with the game he has MK play in Season 4, teaching MK to never forget where he came from and to not allow his newfound power and glory to cause him to forget about the people who care about him and who helped him get there. He tells the story about him and Wukong as a way of saying "don't let you and your friends become like us, don't ruin the good thing you have". This is an inherently good lesson done in a way that would disallow MK to actually see that Macaque is trying to help.
I agree that the lesson is good, but itās still based on Macaqueās biased perspective of Wukong and MK. MKās issue that episode wasnāt him becoming a glory-hound and forgetting his roots, he was having a breakdown over losing his mentor and discovering that heās a magical monkey. However, I will agree on this point that Macaque was genuinely trying to help here.
His holding Mei hostage was obviously not okay (and I'm pretty sure he was bluffing, because he literally said before that that he didn't want to have to hurt anyone and that he was only there for the rings but that isn't the conversation, and either way holding people hostage is inherently bad),
Headcanon. We have no proof he was bluffing. Not wanting to hurt someone is very different from hurting someone anyways, and as weāve seen Macaque is VERY capable of killing someone. In fact, Iād argue he had more motivation to do something drastic here considering he was literally being consumed by LBDās curse! And againā he chose to hold Mei hostage and threaten Tang to complete the ritual. He couldāve waited it out or tried to talk but he did not. He chose the violent route. Sure, maybe he did because of his trauma, but that was still a choice he made.
but again, we know why. You can hear it in his voice and his dialogue that he's become desperate. Testimonies from both Wukong and Peng let us know that Macaque has never been the fearless type. In fact, his self preservation bleeds into a lot of his moments, where we never see him go in swinging. He plays mind games, he turns his fights psychological to give himself the upper-hand. So we know that Macaque is both, literally not himself, and clearly behaving in ways he never would. When he breaks free, he tries to run away. He doesn't keep pursuing MK and the gang, he tries to save himself and again, leave the rest to them.
Yeah, and he also gives himself the upper hand because he likes to be in control and psychologically fuck with his opponents. And actually? Aside from how desperate he sounds, nothing Macaque did in that episode was out of character. Being consumed by LBDās curse didnāt change his brain chemistry all of a sudden, Macaque was capable of holding Mei hostage WAY before even coming into contact with LBD.
Also, yeah, he does run away. He runs away from the consequences of his actions after torturing Mei and forcing Tang to complete the ritual, leaving everyone else to deal with the mess he made.
And his regret and remorse are shown in the way he sticks around and keeps helping them when he has no reason to. He doesn't need to help out with LBD in s3 after he's free, cheer up MK with his speech, or help Wukong break out of the Scroll of Memory, or be there for the fight against the Brotherhood all in s4, or have that talk with Wukong at the beginning of s5, especially, again, given everything we know about him and his constant feeling of needing to flee, but he does all of it anyways.
You do realize that in the s3 special and the latter half of s4 the world is about to end, right? Macaque helps because itās in his own self-interest. I will give you season 5, but the earlier seasons? Heās helping because heās not a dumbass and knows that the world is close to ending and that he should probably stop it if he doesnāt want to DIE.
Also if someone showed their āregretā by sticking around to do the bare minimum with no apologies Iād yell at them to leave. He doesnāt even show remorseā he never apologies or looks regretful. Heās the same as always; cocky, snarky, and arrogant with a hatred for Wukong. Sure, it may have dimmed as the series progresses, but heās mostly the same except heās a āgood guyā now. No apologies to Tang, Mei, Sandy, MK, Wukong, anyone. He never shows any kind of regret in any way. Claiming that sticking around is how he shows regret is headcanon territory.
Should he have an apology? Of course he should, and it sucks that we don't get one, but we know that Macaque shows his feelings through action, and, in moments of vulnerability, isn't very good with words. It's why MK thinks Macaque is just being a dick when he initially tries to give him advice in s4.
Headcanon (Iām noticing a theme here). Sure, Macaque isnāt a very open book with his emotions, but you canāt say that he shows regret through actions when those actions have been bare-minimum saving the world. He never tries to show kindness to anyone heās hurt. He dips in, saves the day with snarky commentary, and dips out.
Yes, Macaque isnāt good with words, but he also doesnāt seem to try. When he shows up as MKās having a breakdown in season 4 he doesnāt try to comfort the kid, he literally announces himself by degrading Wukong. Whichā do you think that would make MK feel better? Sorry, that was mean, but seriously.
MK thought Macaque was being a dick because Macaque showed up acting like one.
He didn't try to murder MK, he used him as bait to satiate a long-standing grudge. A bad thing, but not done unprompted.
ā¦ Yes. Yes, he did. He wouldāve crushed MK to a pulp in s1 ep9 had Wukong not shown up. Macaque had no idea that Wukong wouldāve shown up at that exact moment. For all he knew MK was about to die by his hand and he was CHILL with it. More than chill, actually!
Alsoā what do you mean ānot done unpromptedā?! Trying to kill a kid because you have beef with his mentor seems pretty unprompted to me! MK had no issues with Macaque until Macaque showed up to manipulate and kill him. Just because Wukong wronged Macaque once doesnāt make Macaque trying to kill his mentee prompted, I would say doing something like that is very much unprompted!
He didn't brutalize MK. He used harsh means to teach MK a valuable lesson. It was bad to use MK's friends the way that he did, it was bad to go at MK's safety and headspace to get his point across. But it was done with the intent of a good outcome.
What point?! What outcome?! I just rewatched the episode and all Macaque says is that MKās a good kid with a bad teacher (which is an opinion, by the way), and Macaque couldāve just said that. And he says that AFTER he leaves the theatre and MK had to hunt him down. The āpointā Macaque was trying to get across was that MK and Wukong were selfish assholes who didnāt care about their friendsā which is a biased and factually incorrect narrative that he made up because he couldnāt see Wukong and MK as two different entities.
Iām sorry, but no lesson is worth violating the autonomy of three people and traumatizing another. Tell me; if Wukong did anything similar to that to teach MK a lesson, would you still be cool with it?
He fought Tang for the Ring of Samadhi (I'm pretty sure he barely even hit him, so I wouldn't say "violently beat on", but an attack is still an attack so I won't tell you you're wrong)
Macaque kicks Tang in the face and throws him to the floor. He tries to punch him in the face and the ONLY reason he didnāt get to kick the shit out of Tang more was because Tang managed to unlock his cicada powers. Macaque didnāt beat on Tang more because of lack of opportunity, not lack of malice.
and, again, was just playing mind games as we see him do constantly no matter the enemy--a defense mechanism, a legit fighting strategy.
Itās also known as projection. Macaque does it a lot, especially to MK. Macaque brings up Wukong during their fight despite the fact that Tang was benched by MK and has barely interacted with Wukong that season. Alsoā Tang is (if weāre going off of Word of God) around 40. What threat does he pose to Macaque to necessitate a defense mechanism? Even when Tang gets powers itās just making a shield. THAT is a defense mechanism.
But he was under the iron fist of LBD, and wouldn't have even bothered with Tang otherwise (I really could keep going about his actions in s3 and how well masked his encouragement of their team actually is). He was given his warning before this moment, and literally almost was killed then and there before he told her about their plan. LBD wouldn't have even known about it and thus wouldn't have had the time to prepare until his life was on the line.
This is true, but again, he goes about things in the most violent manner possible. Alsoā the only visible encouragement I see is at the end of āThe Winning Sideā, and thatās mostly to himself. Sure, maybe heās not as violent as he could be, but thatās still not better.
His siege of the Dragon Palace of the East Sea was also only done because the LBD was practically dangling his right to live in front of him and as a means of self-preservation. This is a bad thing he does, but one that hardly counts, because again, he never would've bothered otherwise.
Iām gonna let you in on a little secret: the siege of Ao Guangās palace? Yeah, that was before the ice curse that threatened to encase Macaqueās body. Sure, he was being coerced by LBD before then, but he still chose to attack the palace. He acknowledges that Ao Guang was only sent to slow him downā he couldāve left and pursued the team instead! But he instead chose to siege the palace and assault Ao Guang and he does so smiling and laughing.
Alsoā my god, āone that hardly countsā?! Just because youāre being coerced into an action doesnāt mean that everything you do during that suddenly doesnāt count! Oh, it doesnāt count to Macaqueās character? Well, guess what! It counts to the destroyed palace, the probably injured people who lived in that city, and the definitely injured Ao Guang.
You canāt write off everything Macaque does in s3 and use LBD as a scapegoat. She is an instigator for his actions, yes, but she wasnāt whispering in his ear to attack the palace. And if she wasā he sure seemed to have a hell of a time doing it either way.
You're right, trauma doesn't exempt someone from responsibility, but the point isn't that Macaque isn't responsible for his bad actions, because in most cases, he is. But there's a lot of detail and understanding of his character that's missed when you take all of his actions before his redemption (and even after for some reason) and write him off as a "bad person".
Holding someone accountable ā missing nuance and detail. Macaque does bad things repeatedly, many times of his own free will, and even when they arenāt he takes them a lot farther than necessary.
And I gotta askā when was Macaqueās redemption for you? Was it when he said sorry or showed remorse to somebody? Because I hate to break it to you, but that NEVER happens. Never. Not once. He leaves, shows up to nominally help, then leaves. There is zero present remorse there. Saving the world one time after all your other options are exhausted and getting a little speech about how deep down youāre actually a good person doesnāt āredeemā you.
I thought we all agreed that redemption is taking accountability for your actions and making steps to be better. Macaque never does either of those things. The most he does is save the world and help out the team. Thatās it. He doesnāt say sorry. Heās not kind ā physically or with words ā to anyone. He sticks to the shadows and doesnāt say anything until thereās an opportunity to be snarky and bag on Wukong. That is it.
Also, like I said at the start, Time never writes Macaque off. They acknowledge several times his complexity, and how he is a very nuanced character with multiple facets. But being a complex dick is still being a dick.
Thatās all! If youāve read this far thank you, and again, I donāt mean this as an insult, just a debate. Have a good day!
For fun how about rating Wukong ship from lmk and give your opinion why?
SWK Ship Ratings
(Scores rank from -10 at the lowest, and 10 at the highest)
Shadowpeach
Name Rating: 5/10. Basic, but rolls off the tongue. Started the trend of Sun Wukong having extremely basic ship names- more on that below.
Canon Rating: 0/10. Whatever they had in the past, Macaque simply treats Wukong far too awfully to really justify the two of them ever getting together. Even the attempts at reconciliation feel more like extremely forced ship baiting, given how it goes from one of the two being marginally kinder to the other than usual, then immediately dropping it for more sniping. (Past!Shadowpeach receives 5/10.)
Fanon Rating: -10/10. Iāve spoken at length about this, but fans love to distort Wukong into a drooling abuser so stupid he canāt breath through his nose, usually while turning Macaque into a Possession Sue who only serves to be the authorās simpering self-insert who is the most perfect little baby of all time who has never ever done anything wrong at all even once. If there is an attempt to be ānuancedā or āunbiasedā it manifest as āSun Wukong ākilledā (re: defended himself against) Macaque so heās worse.ā Itās an awful, extremely pervasive dynamic that rots any fandom enjoyment I could have had for this couple.
Personal Enjoyment: 6/10. Getting to write Macaque as the legitimately awful person that he is takes off the edge of seeing constant āuwu sadboiā Macaque content. Still, I donāt touch anyone elseās Shadowpeach content because of this.
Peachlotus
Name Rating: 2/10. As youāll see, most ship names involving Sun Wukong are, uhā¦ extremely lazy. Just one of the other characterās traits with āpeachā slapped before/after it. Fandom really dropped the ball with most of these. This one is especially clunky, at least on my tongue.
(See, Macaque gets stuff like Lunartides, Inkypages, Shadowpeach, etc- all very cool.. We need to diversify the nouns is what Iām saying. Coulda been something like āGingerRootā cause orange fur + plant boy. āFlowerBudsā for the platonic name for peaches + lotuses. Do you guys see what Iām saying. It canāt just be raw peaches all the way down.)
Canon Rating: 2/10. Ne Zha also doesnāt treat Wukong too kindly, interacting with him mostly through insults and physical attacks. He does seem to have some understanding of the king, though, which gives him a slight boost over Macaque.
Fanon Rating: 1/10. It barely exists, and what little does exist is essentially just āNe Zha is mad at Wukong over what the fuck ever, so theyāre fightingā and little more. Thereās a lot of potential for bonding over immortality and awful pasts or being commandeered by domineering authority figures, which I wish was used more often.
Personal Enjoyment: 2/10. I donāt see the dynamic, personally. Again, Ne Zhaās only interactions with him are only ever vitriolic or exasperated in nature, which doesnāt leave stable footing for a relationship to stand. Maybe Iāll make a chatbot for them one day and see if I come around to it.
āFreepeachesā
Name Rating: -5/10. This shit is exactly what Iām talking about with the lazily slapping āpeachā onto whatever and going on. āFreeā has no meaning between Wukong and Tang- itās just a holdover from a more popular ship. Tang only mooches food from Pigsy. Thatās one of the biggest elements of their dynamic. Sure, Tang likes free stuff (food, rides, physical labor), but when does he ever get that from Wukong? It just makes no sense.
AND IF IT HAD TO HAVE THE FRUIT, TANGYPEACHES WAS RIGHT THERE
Canon Rating: 6/10. Tang literally drew himself and the Monkey King together inside a heart. He adores Wukong, thought maybe not for who he truly is- and the two donāt any interaction in terms of Tang realizing his autistic parasocial special interest idol is a lonely old sage who misses his friends, which cripples what was a pretty cute dynamic. I think Tang coming down from his hero worship and being just a genuine friend to SWK would be cute, definitely.
Fanon Rating: 9/10. Pretty enjoyable! Freepeaches is one of the few dynamics where Sun Wukong isnāt constantly turned into a punching bag/villain to be beaten around for the amusement of the audience, and the two are often portrayed as legitimately healthy together- I especially enjoy how Tang is portrayed as needing to move past his hero worship for the two to have a healthy relationship. Itās cute.
Personal Enjoyment: 6/10. Never addressing the resemblance to Sanzang or having them interact in regards to this while the circlet is back on Wukongās head feels like a massively missed opportunity, honestly. I think Sun Wukongās personal feelings have been left to the wayside for far too long in canon, and getting to a point where almost every fucking character represses their feelings is lazy and boring.
Peachbuns
Name Rating: 4/10. Again. Just āpeachā slapped onto an adjective or noun. Itās frustratingly boring. This one sounds delicious and both components are related to food at least, which fits Pigsyās backgroundā¦ but it also sounds like something a horny dude would ask for pics of in your DMs.
Canon Rating: 1/10. Pigsy isnāt willing to take any of Wukongās shit, so he serves as a pretty great ābullshit barrierā that provides a legitimately strict opposing force to Wukong, but thereās little else to even their relationship out. Heās never kind or supportive or worried- if the two interact, itās always through the lens of āPigsy is mad/suspiciousā. Thereās never any real bonding or growth between them at all.
Fanon Rating: 4/10. This ship barely exists, and when it does itās Sun Wukong being lectured through life by a big strong man- not a dynamic Iām a fan of. However, it is surprisingly kind to Wukong in terms of empathizing with his struggles. Again, I wish there was less of āPigsy teaches Wukong basic life skillsā because it falls right back into the revolting fanon that is āSWK is a big dumb fuck who canāt read or cook or take care of himself without a husband to wipe his ass.ā
Personal Enjoyment: 2/10. I just donāt click with it. Pigsy doesnāt like Wukong, doesnāt trust him, and doesnāt interact with him outside of that.
Moonstone
Name Rating: 10/10. This is what I like! Moonstone is not only a very real (and very beautiful) mineral, but it ties to both of them equally! You donāt see Wukongās status as a stone-born demon be referenced often, so this is a refreshing change of pace from the constant āpeachā names.
Canon Rating: 7/10. Changāe is a lovely woman who is simultaneously not be willing put up with Sun Wukongās bullshit while still legitimately respecting and admiring him. It makes for a nice duality in their relationship that most of his dynamics donāt provide.
Fanon Rating: 10/10. The working dynamic is so fucking good to start with that Iāve never once seen fanon drop the ball. Never. This ship is always so fucking sweet and honest with Changāe calling out Wukong for his bullshit while never pushing it to the āShit on Sun Wukong Showā levels that the fandom loves so much- she takes no shit, but does no harm. Sheās supportive and acknowledges his traumas and fears. Wukong does his best for her. Moonstone shippers get an A+ and extra recess time.
Personal Enjoyment: 7/10. I justā¦ I really like this one, dammit. Thereās not a lot to go off of, but seeing fanworks that do not primarily treat SWK like living trash/baby the hell out of him is nice.
Lionpeach
Name Rating: 3/10. Again. Very boring and generic. Iāve seen Fuzzypeach which is a little cuter, at least. Still, itās all the same āpeachā+noun format.
Canon Rating: 3/10. The devotion Azure bears to Sun Wukong seems like it would bear a higher marking, but itās shallow and flimsy. Azure never understood Wukong, never wanted what was best for him, never cared about his safety or happiness. Azure projects his beliefs and wants onto the people around him, blinding the big fella to shortcomings on their parts, and is delusional enough to never look inwards. Still, I can legitimately see
Fanon Rating: 0/10. Itās just smut. Thatās it. When it isnāt itās just āOoooh! Azure is jealous of Macaque! Tee-hee, sorry Azure!ā and thatās it. Iāve never actually seen any non-sexual, Azure-focused Lionpeach.
Personal Enjoyment: 5/10. Itās a fun enough dynamic to explore, especially with how unhealthy it is. Iāll probably make a bot of this too one day. Maybe a āyandere dadsā type. Or a mutual Primal Moon bot.
Celestialchaos
Name Rating: 10/10. Another not peach-based name is a win in my book!
Canon Rating: 6/10. Xiangliu is civil enough to Wukong (about as much as everyone else), but the mention of them having once been friends is what got my attention. Shrouded past + + potential reincarnation shenanigans + decently civil behavior = a very happy writer. Itās so little but it makes my brain itch.
Fanon Rating: 0/10. It doesnāt even exist babes ;( Iām scrounging for water in the lonely plains of a desert yāall. Iām a lonely little cactus and Celestialchaos is my annual three-inch rain.
Personal Enjoyment: 10/10. Cāmon now. You all were expecting this. I love this ship. Iāve already made four chatbots. I love Xiangliu as a wild little freak who desperately tries to push Wukong away from other people and sad lonely Wukong finding refuge in a freaky toxic snake. Especially I like the idea of Xiangliu pitting himself against Macaque and going after Sun Wukong just to cause a little trouble, only to actually catch feelings and start pursuing him in earnest. I like āI want you at your worst so I can prove that I still love you even thenā Xiangliu and āYou love me at all?ā Wukong.
I really like this ship.
End Result
(Scores ranging from -40 to +40)
Shadowpeach= 1/40
(Past!Shadowpeach would around 20)
Lotuspeach= 7/40
Freepeaches= 16/40
Peachbuns= 11/40
Moonstone= 34/40
Lionpeach= 11/40
Celestialchaos= 26/40
#This has taken almost an hour my god#i feel like a different person than when I started this#also I did this on my phone so sorry for any typos#this is the first essay Iāve ever done for any fandom so let me know how I did!#lego monkie kid#lego monkie kid analysis
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I hate the saying "why can't they just be friends" because it's always depicted when there is a gay relationship.
I never see that with the low quality forced straight relationships it is always the gay ones that actually have developed meaningful chemistry
Also why can you be friends and be dating
That's how I see Soriku and various others
#stupid sayings#male relationships#bromance#why is it always during gay relationships#those action movies with a male lead is always with some girl that is paired up for the sake of relationship#but nobody says why can't they just be friends#but if the two were both males people would definitely say it#homophobia#Soriku#i guess#fanfic writer#aitsu heart#random thoughts#queer community#lgbtq+ friendly blog
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enjoy shirtless bryan strutting down the stairs in the baggiest pants ever made and the most uh... interesting facial hair i've seen on him
#bryan cranston#the big thing#shitty zero budget movie that nobody has seen#and it should stay that way#bryan has a foot fetsh in this#why would he accept this role lmao#mitm was airing when he did this#i think he's just too nice and can't say no to friends#oh bryan#gifset
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Nothing lamer than a fictional character going to therapy and working through their issues in a healthy way. Bitch go kill someone
#.txt#I remember people used to get really mad when books didn't end with all the characters going to therapy lol#maybe they still do idk#and it was always with kids media š 'why didn't percy jackson end with everyone horribly traumatized and in need of extensive therapy'#not saying a kids book can't talk about trauma but. you're against it having an happy ending??? girl.#thank god asoiaf is in the fantasy middle ages so nobody can complain about that#medieval therapy is just like. ah you must rid yourself of these foul humours! not to worry my friend! a good leeching will surely help :)#with some asoiaf characters I would want them to get help if they were in the modern world but. depends on how funny their mental issues ar#I would never in a milion years want to fix whatever the fuck is wrong with joffrey. he's perfect just the way he is š„°
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All my friends are laughing at something, happy about it, joyous. I remain neutral, merely observing the scene.
"Why are you not happy?" one turns to me, noticing my expression.
Because I don't get it, I reply.
"You just don't care about us."
I may not get it, I understand that it's making you happy. And it's what matters - I'm glad to know my friends are happy - I explain.
"You don't show it - you're lying." they blame me.
I struggle to show it. But it doesn't mean that I do not care - I simply cannot express it.
"You're always acting like that around us. Just tell us if you don't like being with us." they growl.
But I don't understand. I am myself around my friends. Isn't it a proof that I am comfortable to be with them?
"You're always silent, you act different, you make no efforts for us, you're not polite, you don't dress well, you don't smile - you really look like we're bothering you."
Should I be someone I am not? Am I being appreciated for who I am? Or for who I am expected to be?
"Don't you know social codes?"
Social codes make no sense to me. No matter how much I am being explained them. I ask nothing to anyone, I expect nothing about anyone, but to be respected, and I respect them in return.
"Respect is about making an effort to be agreeable around us."
To me, respect is to understand everyone is different, and to accept it - to not force them to step out of their comfort for you. That someone refuses to dress in an elegant way or to spray perfume when they visit me is not a message to tell me that they do not like me. It means nothing, in fact, to me.
"Don't you see you're making our lives worse? You're disgusting, you're needy, you're unpleasant."
Then why staying with me? If I am ruining your life by simply existing, then you should not be around me - it's what I say.
"But we care about you!"
I appreciate, but the "me" you care about is not who I am. I'm sorry.
#vent#text post#autism#today I hanged out with friends and I felt like a stranger#this is not what they told me exactly but more what I understood in how they treated me#I am used to it. I am used to being told all these things#but I can not understand them no matter how much I wrap my head around it#why does it matter? why should I adapt to other people?#I ask nothing to nobody#yet everyone asks something to me#I just wish to be with people who will let me be who I am#WELL! not a funny post at all. just a text idea I had in mind#I like that I did not used āā around the replies. Because these are things that I can't say in front of anyone. The words are stuck#it's just a snip of the mind of an autistic person when they are in āsocietyā#I can't get it. I will never be able to get it probably. It's stupid to me#āsocial codesā are a form of hypocrisy to me. dishonesty. an act. a red flag. I will never be able to judge anyone based on it.
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Would I be proving my therapist (who has been voicing some concerns about my depression maybe getting worse but like I feel like it's fine) right by cancelling my appointment tomorrow cause I just don't wanna. Like all I have to report is that I'm tired and I wanna rest and I just don't really feel like it y'know
#unrelated to the flu shot but i'm certain i'll feel it tomorrow#idk i've been in a weird state lately where i get really excited about my art and i get super talkative in general#i feel peppy and enthusiastic and excited and then i just crash. HARD.#it feels like all the years of being a shut-in finally catch up to me all at once and it's like apocalyptic hellfire all consuming agony#and nobody is ever gonna love me again bc i refuse to allow it and the lights are too bright in public spaces.#i feel like i'm not really a person outside of my interests and my artwork. i forget that i'm like. a being.#i think i'm also just annoyed bc i'm gonna be Doing Things. already so soon it's gonna be halloween#and i have plans w my sisters and their friends and later i'll be spending the night at my sister's#and i do want to do all that. but it pisses me off that i had waste time today and will have to tomorrow#when i could be drawing. i should have been drawing. i cannot emphasize enough actually#how artwork is just. the one and only thing that makes me feel connected to people.#that brings me joy and purpose like nothing else. so i just get extra upset if i'm gonna be doing too many things LMFAO#and as i say all this like damn milo some people have jobs. i used to. a lifetime ago.#but to be so real i've gotten so much worse. at. everything.#man sometimes i can't even tolerate being at one of my sisters' place bc she doesn't have lamps.#so i just have to chill in the dark in an adjacent room and it's like Fine.#but why can't everyone live by MY rules.#if i skip out on therapy tomorrow i should cancel tonight. i guess i'm just split about it.#like. it's clear i have things to talk about. but man i just don't fucking WANT to. i'm SICK OF IT#it's more of the same and then some. my circumstances will never change bc i'm in hell. okay.#who CARES .......#who GIVES a shit..........#ect.
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You know. I'm part of the fraction "to each their own and let people handle their lives however they see best fit". But I do feel the need to say that I have seldom seen such an idiotic assumption as that breaking up with someone four days before someone's birthday when you also want that someone to do something for their birthday even though you know you and your soon-to-be-ex will both have to be there won't end with that person just not doing anything with anyone for their birthday. Partially because nobody wants that kind of awkwardness after a fresh breakup and also because the soon-to-be-ex has the lovely habit of wallowing in self pity and making everything about how they have it so bad. You know I just think in such cases you should've waited a week with the breakup. I don't care how much you want to fuck that other guy but I really think you should've waited a week.
#delete later#sigh why always me...#can't somdone else get the complicated people for once#annoying#the soon-to-be-ex complained today in the group chat that nobody wouod ever go to a pub with him#when that is literally not the case#we would all go? he just never asked? and anytime someone else wants to go party or jusz out 90% of the time the answer is no?#I've known that guy for 13 years now and somehow it just does not get easier#like? anytime someone else asks him it's always āno i don't want toā but then you complain about how nobody would want to do anything#the call coming from inside the house is all I'm saying#'' oh but I couldn't go anyways I wouldn't fitā ''why? nobody cares about random strangers thats usually not how people work''#'' thats not true'' ''they literally don't care though.'' ''not when that person looks 13'' ''yeah no they still literally wouldn't care''#''they would'' ''they wouldn't. people never do. why would they make an exception for you?'' and then no answer to that#because you can't argue against that anymore without having to confront the fact you're wrong#but then I'm getting told im not empathetic enough#i know i lack empathy I'm aware but I do make an attempt for serious situations. i just don't think stuff like that is serious.#especially when i once mentioend i think my father thinks I'll end up living off of state wellfare and become a disappointment#and the only reply to that was ''how did he arrive at that really likely assumption?'' my brother in christ do not complain to me about lack#of empathy I'm not the one telling people their fears of becoming the family disappointment are well founded and realistic#I'm not even going to excuse that through some ''oh autism'' stuff like no thats just tactless and mean#or all the condescending comments whenever i go out to ''party''#it's just drinking with some people i know it's not really partying#but I'm not the one looking down on people for experiencing stuff#contrary to popular assumption I'm actually really cool and i know that. that's why people ask me to do stuff with them.#because i don't say no 99% of the time and then complain that nobody would ever want to do something with me when that's just plain wrong#i also totally get why she wants to break up#how do you actively refuse to meet your partners friends for half a year and expect that to not become an issue.#how do you actively say you're not interested in doing anything for your partner and expect that to last#how do you whine about being a bad partner but never attempt to do better#i wish i could defend him here but i can't that dude is a horrible boyfriend
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i am severely upset at the sexyman polls for this year. yeah its absolutely because im biased and not a single one of the mtt won. but killer vs error is still going on you say!!! NO,,,,, killer's lost,,,,, its 70 error 30 killerISH so yeah,,,,, none of the mtt MADE!!!! IT!!!! and with the boom in killer content these past few months i wasSO FUCKING SURE that he'd like AT LEAST get higher up. nope. because of ERROR. listen i like him. he was my og bias when i first joined this fandom. i was an error fanatic. but bro,,,,, bro,,,,,,,,, killer,,,,, lost,,,,,, AND FUCKING HORROR AND DUST LOST TOO!!!! LIKE WHAY. WHAT. PUTTING HORROT AGAINST ERROR AND DUST AGAINST CROSS!!!! THEYRE LITERALLY BOTH THE TWO GUYS THAT (1/2 of them) WON LAAT YEAR!!!! OF COURSE THEYRE GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE MTT!!!!! this is very upseting im really sad imMAD. but no point in being a sore loser.... mtt won in my HEART š§”
dust laughing at both horror and killer for getting the shit beaten out of them by error and then they bring up the fact that he lost to CROSS. this is the second time someone in the mtt lost to cross (theyre all making out in the loser's room) (mtt poly real btw)
#sexyman polls but instead its all just mtt and peoples' aus and varients#i COULD NOT be able to vote. it would be hell for me WHO WOULD I CHOOSE#i CAN'T choose dude i literally wouldn't be able to at all#do i vote for og mtt my pookies??? or jk mtt my besties???? or mst my children????? WHO DO I VOTE FOR#i think i would be biased to the murder swap trio. i haven't mad any content for them at all but like#i spent my TIME and EFFORT into them. and they are cool ngl i really like their concepts#too bad swapinverse isnt seeing the light of day until goddamn 2026 or something because i cant be bothered to make content of it#oops! savior mania paranoia you guys are JUST FOR ME. just me only! nobody else gets to see you guys#or literally anyone else in swapinverse.... i love swapinverse.#they need to make the tag limit like 60 or something i have too many thoughts#quite a few too many times on my posts have i hit the limit and then had to choose#my tags trembling in fear as i pick and choose which to delete in order to make space for the fandom tags#tricule rant#i still have more tags time toRAMBLE!!! i love the idea of dust and horror having opposite ish souls#like dust's soul is PACKED with magic. like crackling and sparking and glowing purple with just how much he has in there bc of his LV stuff#i dont believe in the idea that dust suffers physically from LV or whatever because like. when has that EVER happened#its a cool idea though and i get to pick and choose which headcanons i believe in as god of these fictional characters and creations#anyways OBVIOUSLY horror's soul is dim and shriveled and looks like a fucking dead leaf. because lack of food lack of magic#even though he very clearly DOES have a lot of magic and shows it multiple times in horrortale.....#ok triglycercule you keep contradicting yourself. stop it. BUT THERES TOO MANY MTT HCS OUT THERE!!! AND SOME OF THIS IS CANON!!!!!#god the mttverse is gonna kill me one day too many interpretations TOO MANY CHOICES#anyways i just like that soul idea bc of the contrast. dust too much magic horror not enough. horrordust real#and then killer pulls up with his yn main character ass unique soul with stages#the GET OUT sound effect plays. anyways they all love eachothers souls and unique differences in them#everyday im reminded of the fact that killer is a little. just an EENSY bit more of a special character that horror or dust#he has too much shit going on someone assassinate him. preferably two fellas with names starting with H and D alternatively M#i love coming up with various sayings to kill/shut myself up. someone sedate me#i just remembered this dream where i say to my friend i hope ___ gets into a sticky situation#and then ___ goes into a bathroom comes out and then someone else says ___ WHY ARE YOU ALL STICKY#it was so funny i laughed myself awake. it was SO funny. i saw this person in school today
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siiiiiiigh
#i am in fact a grown adult who is still incapable of talking about their feelings and thoughts to people so I'll just rant here#my relationship with my mother is. so weird. it's not always bad but it always ends up bad for one reason or another#she can be perfectly civil and i'll still be irritated. other times i do try to tolerate it and engage and she ends up saying something#upsetting to me either way.#i don't want to keep being rude to her i don't want to get mad and annoyed all the time but i just can't stop. it's always like this#and i hate myself for it and i hate her and i hate everything about it#today i was leaving for work and she was like. i'll take the trash out of your room and i told her not to do it. she kept insisting and i#had to raise my voice at her to maybe get the point across to get her not to touch anything#and yes my room is a fucking mess and it is something to be embarrassed of. i just feel so fucking tired all time time and i keep tellin#myself that i will clean it this time for sure and then i don't. most of the time it's my mother taking care of it without my permission#and i am grateful for it bc nobody likes living in a mess... but i also fucking hate it because it makes me feel even more worthless#i just can't get rid of the feeling of shame. no matter what i do.#and back to the mother thing. i told her that if she touches anything i will go to her room and throw out anything that isn't nailed down#even though objectively i have no reason to oppose her helping me#but i also fucking hate it#maybe being rude is the only way to get it across. but also i get irritated about anything so easily#i feel shittier and shittier every day. had there been an easy and painless way of killing myself i would have done it already#and despite how much i want to blame this on a disorder or lack of access to medication. there is no magic pill that would fix me is there#i'm just a shitty person who cannot get it together despite everything being handed to me#i'm literally bad at anything and everything. i'm not even a good blogger lmao#people have it much worse in life and still do better. me? i'm useless. there's no helping it. i should have died from covid or something#nobody will save me. nobody cares enough. besides one person whom i push away because i can't stand her and i don't even know why š#if i stop messaging people first most of them would forget about me#i am alone. a lonely person in a messy room desperately trying to be entertaining so someone will pay a little bit of attention to me.#not to mention the geopolitics#i won't even go there. i hate the possibility that people might see it mentioned and give me shit for it#one more thing that is apparently my fault. directly or indirectly#all i want is to leave this country. spend the day with someone who cares for me like an actual friend. and then shoot myself so i don't#have to go back#sealene.txt
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I'd do anything to have a teasing voice in my ear
#I'm not even craving the actual tickles or sex I just want the teasing affection relentlessly flustering meš„ŗāØš¦š#there was this cute guy who kinda flirted with me at the grocery store and I can't stop thinking about him since#I just...#I dunno#I feel like I'm just never gonna get what I need#that soft teasing loving affection#I want someone who loves to fluster me as much as I love being flustered#I dunno I'm just really sad and lonely and I feel like I can't talk to anybody because this is all I want#the only thing that's gonna make me happy is this soft tender love that I dont think I'm made for#people don't really look at me and go 'I wanna make them talk more or get close to them'#I dunno how to say it#it's really hard talking to people#I'm stuck on how to word why#but I want one spefic thing and it's hard not having it#I wanna feel someone pull me close I want them to WANT me near them they WANT to fluster me#this is why I want a partner so bad#I need a certain closeness that nobody has wanted to give me yet#I have amazing friends but I feel bad talking to you when all I want is basically sex (the verbal teasing)#I'm so mentally and emotionally wounded#and sex is the only thing that makes it feel better#I just wish it was real instead of me maladaptive day dreaming it#nothings real and I just...I think I'm not the type of 'girl' to get this consensually intrusive attention/affection#I'm just feeling stuck and lonely and empty
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