#but no more rambling!! lol

[sgt-scottymoreau]

Healing

Summary: After what happened, Scotty need to learn how to feal with the scars it left her. It's a dark place, she struggles, but she knows she came make it. Right?

Warning: Mention of trauma, anxiety attack, triggering memories, depression, dealing with said trauma, mention and talk about misscariage

Words: 3.7k // AO3 // Masterlist

A/N: Disclaimer, I'm not a therapist, some stuff going there is based on what member of family handled their own struggle/depression (althought none were based with military trauma) , there's probably some innacuracy in some places I'm sorry. Remember mental health is important, take care of yourself and your loved ones around you!

I definitely suggest that you read this fic before diving into this one. Healing is a companion fic to it, as it technically a follow up on what happen after the event describe in Ghillie, guns and death.

“That was a good session today, I’m proud of your progress.” The woman said, closing her notebook. 

“Does this mean I’m allowed to go back on the field?”

“Camille, we talked about this last time. You are not ready yet there is-”

“Still too much to work on, yeah yeah I know. Fine. Next week, same time, same place, see you doc.” Scotty rolled her eyes, stood up from the couch and headed outside the cabinet. 

The sun blinded her when she stepped out of the building. The street was eerily calm for the middle of the day, then again it was a weekday. People were at work, kids at school, no time to roam around town. With a sigh, Scotty disconnected herself from the world as soon as she allowed the music to play through her headphones as she began her walk home. A month has passed since she had been sent back home since her last deployment. Actually, she was forced to come back earlier after what happened. It annoyed her that her superiors didn’t want her to be on the field. Forcing her into these endless therapy sessions. Why couldn’t they understand that staying here, doing nothing, stuck in almost a desk job was the thing that was making her worse. She needed action, she needed that real world.

No you don’t. Your therapist told you this is reckless behavior. It’s guilt.

A small voice of reason that desperately tried to remind her that the loudest thoughts she experienced here and there were in fact dangerous to her. A constant battle between rationality and so many scenarios who played like a broken record in her mind. Her eyes caught a glimpse of the children playing in the school’s playground. They looked all so happy, screaming, laughing, running back and forth. Scotty stopped for a moment, a pained smile on her lips. They reminded her of these kids she met in the village back then. 

Her first clenched hard all the sudden. Images of the bloody small corpses came back.

There’s nothing you could have done for them. It’s not your fault, you weren’t there when the first attack happened. Their death is not your fault.

“But their death was mine…” Scotty whispered to herself. Her throat tightened, her heart began to race, breath was hard. Oh. Here it comes. She had to do something about it right now. The young woman started to walk away, at a fast pace. Faster and faster till it turns into a small jog.

Yes, sure, run away from your problems. Like you ran away from your friends!

You didn’t run away, you were following orders. You didn’t know how it would end.

This has not been a good session, the therapist lied! Why was she feeling like this? Normally her mind was at much ease afterwards, why were the voices battling? They were supposed to be silent! Scotty ran around the corner, barely avoiding a car that was taking its priority on the road. When the driver honked at her, she ignored it and kept running as fast as she could. Till she was out of breath and even then. She came to a stop near a tree. A quick glance over her shoulders and around, coast was clear. Scotty held down a scream and punched the trunk. Her knuckles scraped on the wood, bleeding slightly, and her hand was painful. But at least, her mind shut up. Was pain a solution?

Better tell her therapist about this next session…

*****

The line was barely moving. The two counters were occupied by the two old ladies who had a lot of questions about their medications. Scotty gently balanced herself up and down on her heels. Breath in and breathe out. Paper in her pocket, she had to patiently wait her turn. Sleep had been getting worse and worse. Nightmares over nightmares. The day playing over and over, every time with the same outcome despite her imaginary attempts at changing everything. Wasn’t all these sessions supposed to help her with this? Why was it only getting worse? Why couldn’t she get… be better! Why…

“Good day miss, how can I help you?” The pharmacist called her back to Earth.

“Oh. Hmm I’m supposed to get these.” She handed the prescription. The man looked at it a little surprised after she handed it with her first. The neat paper was now all crinkled. “I- I’m sorry.”

“No worry. Alright, give me a minute.”

Leaned on the counter, Scotty let her head fall in her hands. It was getting exhausting. Her body and mind aren't in sync anymore. It was like she had no control over her actions sometimes. 

Well at least you still have a body. You are still breathing unlike others.

In the last two weeks, this voice had been taunting far more than her reason. The latter had been locked behind bars by her struggles. The hardest part of all is that Scotty was aware that she was slowly slipping down that hill and… she didn’t want to go back up.

“Here miss. Here are some tips about these medications. First, do not take them at the same time, they both might make you feel drowsy. Obviously these should be taken before bed time to sleep, so I would suggest taking these during the day. Even if you feel better, do not stop taking any without your doctor recommendations. Do you have any other questions?” 

“No, thank you.”

She left the store with only one thing in mind; put the voices to sleep. Scotty truly hoped that these pills will help. 

*****

“It should have been me.” Her voice cracked as the word came out.

“Why?” The woman asked. 

“I…” She thought for a moment. “Not me, but I should have helped. I should have fought back, not stay down like an idiot!”

“Camille, what did we say about insulting yourself? You were scared, shocked, this is a normal reaction. A human one.”

What does this woman know of your work life? She just stays in a cozy, safe office. Fuck her. 

“Sorry.”

“What have you been doing recently?”

“I have been going out.”

“To see friends?”

No strangers who take my mind off of all my worries… by sleeping around. “Yes.”

“Good, that’s a great improvement.”

Scotty didn’t like to lie, but neither did she want to be judged in her activities. Her mother would do that enough if she knew. The young woman returned home that day not feeling lighter or heavier. It was somewhere in between. Sure it has been three weeks now and finally she came around the reality that the guilt survivor had her on a chokehold. Talking about it helped a little, yet it didn’t stop any of the nightmares. It didn’t help the ghosts that haunted her. They still came at night to blame her. Villeneuve… He was the worst of all. His face… so disfigured by the shot screaming at her, accusing her of all sins for not saving him. The pills weren’t as effective, but she was scared. Scared that using more would create other problems she didn’t need, so she started to look for other options. What would ease her tormented mind. Exercise was a solution, but she couldn’t really go for runs at midnight. She had to find release in another way. In the best way she could ever remember enjoying releasing all the stress and tension. Where was it? Her eyes looked on at the phone, certain she saved his number somewhere after they met at the café. If not in her contact she definitely sent him a message but which… Ah! Maybe he would be up for something.

The next morning, Scotty was the first to wake up. One of the rare nights of dreamless nights. She didn’t feel rested, but it was better than nothing. She rolled on her side. The young man was alway sleeping, softly snoring even. Carefully, she sat on the edge of the bed. The sun was barely lighting the room and she struggled a little to find her clothes around the room. Silently, she dressed up, left a note on the table about last night and left the apartment without a word.

Her mind felt lighter today.

******

Henri pushed the door. A small creak followed as the light timidly entered the dark room. The sun was still desperately trying to pierce through the curtains, being the middle of the day it was hard to have any total darkness. The atmosphere felt heavy. He hadn't stepped inside yet and he felt it wash over him. It was a familiar sensation.

"Camille?" He softly asked. He was afraid to startle her. His vision adapted to the room, allowing him to see the shape on the bed. Curled, back facing the entrance, blanket wrapped on her.

Not a muscle moved. Camille remained in the same position. "What?" Her tone was weak, but also dry. He knew she didn't mean it to be so rude. There were some days where it was darker than others, days where they really worried. But then there were the better days which gave her parents hope.The bed shifted under his weight as he sat on the edge. At first his hand reached for her shoulder, but revised himself and simply rested on his knees.

"Your mom and I were thinking of going for a walk in the park, would you like to come with us?"

"No."

His eyebrows furrowed. He hated seeing her like this. It has been a few days since she left home, except for work or her therapy session. As soon as Camille came back, she went directly to her room. She never showed up for dinner anymore. Henri heard her sometimes in the middle of the night going to the kitchen, she wasn't starving herself at least. "I think it would be good for you to go out a little. To get some fresh air, instead of being confined to your room."

"I'm fine, I just need some rest."

"Camille please."

She finally pushed herself up, the blanket flew away, eyes piercing at her dad. "I don't need you or mom's pity. Don't need you to hold my hand, because none of you know what I'm going through! What it feels like!"

These words hit him like a knife to the heart. "You think I don't know how it feels?"

"You don't." Two words punctuated with so much anger, it hurt him even more. “You were air force, you had it easy!” His soft fatherly smile vanished quickly. His eye, the only still working, looked down, a glass veil covering it in pain. Without more, Henri stood up. Pain was replaced by anger which he knew he shouldn't act on. That was not what she needed. So the anger turned into sadness.

"Right... I don't know." He whispered. Henri stood up and left the room in silence. However, he stepped one foot outside the door frame and stopped. He really didn't want to be mean to her but... "Next time I visit Didier, remind me to tell I don't know how it is to lose a friend..."

This comment washed over like an icy cold wave. Her mouth opened, no word came out. A slap to the face reminded her that day. She suddenly felt ashamed. 

You should apologize!

Yeah, don’t be such an ungrateful selfish kid.

For once the voices seemed to finally agree instead of tearing her apart. Scotty pushed herself out of the bed. She climbed down the stairs, trying to reach for her dad but the door closed before any of the parents noticed her. A wave of disappointment washed over, she truly messed up this time. She sat in the stairs, memories of her childhood gently coming back. All these times her father would make her laugh, make her smile. The surprise pick-up after school when he came back from his deployment unannounced. A spark lightened up. In retrospect, Henri might have hidden more than he let on just to make sure she would smile… Her face fell into her hands. “I’m sorry.” She let out.

*****

The wind gently blew across the field. The weather seemed to have read her mood today; gray, cloudy and cold as October slowly made its way. Then again, this was the kind of weather to be expected for the coming months really. Scotty placed a rebel hair strand behind her ear. Hands back in their pockets, she bounced to get rid of the chilling sensation.

“Hey. It’s been a while since I came here.”

This is so stupid… Why are you doing this? He can’t even hear you…

“I thought it would be nice to talk a little. I guess the last story I ever told you was about that day at school.” She scoffed. “Yeah… I haven’t been the best niece. Alright I know you would tell me this is bullshit…”

Leaves tumbled on the grave. This was the only sound in this resting place. “So, I’m pretty sure dad told you all about how Gabby and I grew up to uh? You know… I was quite mean to him yesterday. I haven’t been able to apologize. I wanted to but I could find the courage or words to. I don’t know… Everything is… It’s just so hard these days. I don’t know who I am anymore, everything hurts all the time and… I’m starting to hurt the people around me.” Tears rolled down her cheeks, her voice croaked under the emotions. Her legs wanted to give up, but she refused, trying her best to remain standing. Like a good soldier. An arm wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her against someone. The familiar smell eased her mind.

“Tulipe you know we might not have followed the same path, same branch.” His voice was calm and soft. “We haven’t fought on the same battlefield, we didn’t go through the same stories, but both have scars. We both share losses, decisions we wish we could have taken differently.”

Camille turned around, closing the embrace on Henri. Her face buried on his chest and… for the first time since she came back, three months after the massacre, two months after she came home and tried to keep going, she let go of everything in front of her dad. Her grip tightened hard on his coat, her knuckles hurted. The sobbed choked in her throat; she didn’t want to make too much of a scene in the cemetery. Henri hugged her back, his hand gently patted her head, brushed her hair. No matter how old Camille was, she was still his little girl.

“I should have saved them! I should have ignored that stupid order and protected my teammates. They would be alive now.”

“Or you could have died.” He rested his chin on her head. “What happened there happened and there’s nothing we can do about it. No matter how many times we replay it, no matter how your head tries to tell you that this or that would have worked. Believe me, Camille, I did it too. The long night, wide awake, thinking of how I could have saved him. Till I accepted that it is what it is. I was alive, he wasn’t. Living in the past would do me no good and he would definitely have kicked my ass…”

“He probably did.” They chuckled.

“Maybe. The truth is you and your sister are the one who kicked it really. I realized that I still had to go on for you two, you still needed me.”

They remained in each other's arms as they paid their respect to the deceased man. The fog that had been on her mind for so long cleared. Only a little but this conversation had more impact than any sessions. Well, by speaking openly of what was troubling her to someone else, which had been recommended by her therapist, proved to be the right thing. 

“I wish Uncle Didier was still around sometimes.”

“Me too, tulip. A true brother, even if we weren’t related.”

“Papa, when does it stop? You know all the things in the head.”

“It’s different for everyone. I can’t say. But no matter how long, I’ll always be there for you.”

*****

Christmas and New Year were usually the time families gathered together, spent time together, and caught up on what they have been missing. Unless you are part of the Moreau family. For a few years now, it was hard to get everyone under the same roof. Henri had missed a few holidays when the girls were younger. When they finally came of age, one joined the army making it again hard and eventually Gabrielle moved to France earlier the previous year. Yet, there was always a moment they could find time for each other, even if it wouldn’t be during the holidays. Gabrielle and her husband were visiting for the extended weekend. 

Camille has recently been allowed to return to the field, but with some restrictions. Point is, she was still in town for now, no one knew for how long. So better make the most of it! The nightmares had calmed down in the last weeks, what would trigger reactions in her everyday life were more under control. She was still far to be out of the dark, but the light was shining in the distance. Hope was there at the end of all. 

The two sisters were alone in the living room after the others had given up on staying awake any longer. They were chatting about everything and nothing, enjoying that alone time they didn’t have in so long. The last time they had time with only the two of them it was three years ago. They really tried to make the most of it even if it meant less sleep. 

“Oh what I would have given to see the look on his face!” Camille laughed, tears in her eyes. 

“Oh, worth one million! He will never live this down.” Gabrielle laughed as well, but it seemed like she held it down. 

Actually, Camille had noticed during the evening her older sister had been quite quiet. More than usual. “Is there something wrong?”

“What?”

“Looks like you have something in your mind. Want to talk about it?”

Grabielle’s hands crisped on her mug. She shrugged. “I don’t want to bother you with that. You have your own problems to deal with. It’s nothing.”

“Come on Gabby! You always have been there for me, it’s normal that I return the favor.” Camille moved closer. 

“No it’s ok really. My problems are nothing compared to yours.” The youngest could see in her face. It was as big, if not it hurted her as much as Camille had been hurt recently. No way she would let her handle this alone. 

“You can tell me everything, I promise it will stay between us.”

Gabrielle bit her lips, her eyes avoiding looking at her sister. She took a sip of her tea, took a deep breath. “I haven’t told mom and dad about it because… Well… Nathan and I… we…”

She didn’t press her, but her mind was thinking of all the worst scenarios. “We are trying to have a child, but… it’s my second miscarriage. I…I…” Gabrielle kept on admitting that this was the real reason they didn’t come for Christmas or New Year. It happened a week prior and Gabrielle didn’t have the heart for any festivity. She was afraid that this meant she would be just like her sister, incapable of having children. That their mother would be sad to never have grandchildren. How she was thinking of just giving up. That there was no hope.

No! Camille saw exactly where this would go, she understood the meaning, the feeling and she refused to let Gabrielle experience what she went through. Maybe not for the same reason, but it was still a slippery slope that would drag Gabrielle to such a dark place. She didn’t want to suffer the way she did and still was. The youngest removed the mug from her sister’s hand and pulled her into a hug. “Don’t care about mom. Don’t do it for her, you do it for yourself.” 

“I didn’t express myself correctly. Yes I worry what she would feel, but of course I do this for me. Don’t think I have no idea what having kids means.” 

“I know I know, you take the rational decision. I act first, think after.”

This made Gabrielle chuckled a little, a smile replacing her sad features. “I want to try once more but I am so scared it will happen again. I’m not sure I can handle it.”

“Take your time. I’m no doctor but there’s probably a reason why. Maybe stress, not the right moment, maybe who knows. Who knows maybe it’s when you won’t try that it will happen. But don’t force things, it will only make you feel worse. And don’t make up ‘what if’ scenarios. Not good! … I sound like my therapist… Damn.”

“Seems like you have learned a few things from these sessions. Thanks Cam. Promise you won’t tell the parents about this?”

“Promise.”

Gabrielle hugged her once more. “Thanks again. Talking about it with you felt good, lessen the burden a little to have someone in the family aware of this... Alright, I should get some rest as well. Goodnight, troublemaker.”

Camille smiled and wished her sweet dreams. Left alone in the room, the young woman thought about what happened. This sudden need to protect her sister, to make sure she will keep hope and it seemed to have work? Camille liked the feeling that it left. It was like she saved her… Save… She stood up and checked by the window. It was softly raining in the dark street, the light from the inside lamp reflecting and giving the illusion of a light outside. Maybe there were different ways to save people. She failed her friends, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t capable of helping others. Life goes on and there will be new people in her life that she could protect. This time, she would do anything to assure it will happen. Anything.

That’s reckless behavior.

It is the kind of recklessness we always had.

“This is who I am and I won’t let anything let me doubt this.” She smiled at her reflection. Scotty felt like herself again. And that night, she dreamed of the good times before the accident, good memories which left her more rested than ever.

[goldensunset]

you! tumblr user!

[what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom]

Suddenly, bell bottoms aren't so bad

Bonus sketch, because I had to vv

"Stop checking out my assistant, Stanley."

[o0kawaii0o]

"Anything caught your eye?"

[terrys-min-catl]

idk. fish

[phereshift]

personal opinion but. the reason tiktok’s ‘zepotha’ isn’t doing great isn’t because of a lack of cohesion or poor reasoning behind it (although I’m sure these would���ve contributed). It’s because when I was first introduced to Zepotha it was as a fake movie concept. And when I was first introduced to Goncharov it was as me spending the entire morning trying to figure out why Tumblr was obsessed with some random movie.

[artist-rat]

some epilogue vibes (an excuse to draw some hugs. and my durge so many times)

[inafallsaway]

Drawing time!

[lizzybeeee]

DATV Spoilers - The Story We Lost

Posted earlier that I was compiling a list of lore/story threads that have been dropped with DATV's handling of Southern Thedas. The sheer number of things means that I've made this into two parts - this one focusing on all the story threads that have been effectively dropped.

Spoilers for the game ahead, of course.

If you've played the game then you'll know that Southern Thedas - everything from the past three games - was basically swept away by the blight.

A double blight should have catastrophic consequences for the entirety of Thedas, I don’t deny that, it’s nothing short of a mass extinction event – the absolute worst case scenario for all of Thedas.

However, waving away the fact that Southern Thedas - specifically every area you ever traveled to and interacted with in previous games – is gone, devastated by the blight, in a codex entry and line of dialogue makes it abundantly clear that BioWare is attempting to clean the slate so that they can move forwards with the game series with no ties to the previous ones.

The Warden, Hawke, and the Inquisitor effectively accomplished nothing.

As I put it in another post: I never expected them to consider every decision in game outside of the three options they gave us, but I certainly didn’t expect them to go scorched earth on the possibility of ever seeing the results of those decisions either.

How the lore has been handled in this game, summarized to “the elves did it” and “there’s been a shadowy organization in the shadows pulling the strings on everything” is absolutely devastating to the franchise.

The lack of care with which this was treated just bleeds, “There, we’ve answered all questions and finished with this era of Thedas. Moving on now.” At the same time, this destruction absolutely obliterated whatever story threads remained from the first three games.

Could BioWare bring these threads back? Yes, I suppose. But it doesn't change that it was so carelessly thrown aside in the first place.

If they didn't want people to care about their decisions and the impact they made on the world, perhaps they shouldn't have made that a feature of all the previous games.

-------------------------------------------

Story Threads/ Plot Points that were dropped:

Limited my points to what was in the Dragon Age Keep and what points were brought up frequently in codex entries, conversations, etc...

Edit: I never expected all of these points to be answered in DATV - this is just a list of what was effectively brushed to the side through very bad handling of lore and story.

-------------------------------------------

Dragon Age: Origins

What is the line of succession in Ferelden?

Things are looking very grim for Ferelden's succession and the Theirin/MacTir line if nothing is done. And nothing was done. The entire plot of DAO literally culminated in resolving this issue, yet no one seems to have learnt a thing from it?

- Anora ruling alone is unmarried with no heir - Alistair ruling alone is unmarried with no heir - Ruling together they have no heir - Alistair and a Cousland Queen have no heir - Anora and a Cousland King-Consort have no heir

The only potential candidate that can fit into several of those world states is Kieran.

Fergus Cousland, according to lore, is the second closest to the throne that is confirmed to be alive in DAI - potentially the brother in-law to the King/Queen of Ferelden.

Ferelden's succession with Alistair as King hinges on whether or not the Warden was able to cure the blight. Alternatively, it is hinted that he may be more resistant since he has dragon blood in him from Calenhad.

The potential implications of Kieran being the bastard son of the King of Ferelden.

Kieran being used as a political pawn to depose Anora using the Theirin bloodline.

DAI took away whatever destiny Kieran had with the Old God soul – that didn’t mean that BioWare had to take away everything else too. Regardless, it doesn't matter. Outside of Redcliffe, the rest of the land has fallen to the Blight - it's unlikely that any of this will ever be brought up again.

2. Did the Warden find a cure?

Unknown. Irrelevant.

Ferelden ended up blighted. Denerim fell. If Ferelden rises from the ashes, it will be without any sign of their influence. Any mention of them will likely be their title alone - no mention of their accomplishments.

3. General Questions about the Landsmeet

What happened to Anora if Alistair is named King? Who rules the teyrnir of Gwaren following the blight?

What happens to Alistair if he's exiled? We know Teagan finds him in DA2 but what happens after?

If Leliana becomes divine does that mean that Connor Guerrin is potentially an heir to Redcliffe?

4. Companion Plot Threads

Morrigan's sisters - the many daughters of Flemeth.

Shale's quest to reverse the process of becoming a golem.

Whatever the hell Nathaniel Howe was going on about when you run into him in DA2 in the blighted thaig.

What, if anything, Avernus leaned from spending a literal age or two studying blighted blood.

5. Zevran's Crusade against the Crows

RIP Zevran's one-man crusade against the Crows and their child slavery ring.

DATV messed up immensely by portraying the Crows as more of a ‘found family’ rather than the horrifically abusive organization it was set up to be.

The very same organization that preys on the weak and disenfranchised - honing them to be tools for the nobles/powerful of Thedas - are now the heroic freedom fighters of Antiva.

The literal decade he spent hunting down the Crows and their leaders is up in flames. No mention in DATV whatsoever.

Wasted a perfectly good opportunity to have a schism in the Crows, with Zevran at the helm of kicking out the antaam, taking in Crows who are are sick of what's happening.

6. The Dwarves of Orzammar

The impact of Bhelen/Harrowmont's reign - ruthless progression verses strict traditionalism

The rumours of an uprising of the casteless dwarves in DAI

Will we ever hear of noble House Brosca or Queen/Lady Rica? Nope.

Will we ever hear of the son that Aeducan can have with Mardy? Nope. (RIP Duncan Jnr - I still love you)

The Anvil of the Void and potential links it may have to the Titans.

No more fine goods direct from Orzammar

The entire caste system has been simplified by Harding in DATV to effectively be: 'surface dwarves' and 'deep roads' dwarves.

7. The Magisters Sidereal / Awakened Darkspawn

According to a codex in the Descent: one went mad, consumed another, and the final magister fled into the Deep Roads.

Corypheous + Codex Magister + the Architect (most likely) = 4/5 magisters remaining? Possibly?

Reminder that it's hinted that there's an eighth Old God that was struck from the records of Tevinter.

The Architect and his Awakened Darkspawn.

No, it was all the elves. They're all dead now anyway. Thanks BioWare.

8. The Guardian and the Urn of Sacred Ashes

"Where did you come from, where did you go? Nobody in Thedas will ever knowwwww."

-------------------------------------------

Dragon Age 2

Dragon Age 2 was pretty self-contained, with most things being tied up in Trespasser or DAI. The worst of the plot points abandoned relate to the companions in the game and the lack of closure/answers about them.

General Questions:

Kirkwalls, apparently, endless line of 'provisional' viscounts and constant political instability since Varric ran off to go after Solas.

According to DA: Absolution the Red Templars are still in Kirkwall...yet the show is set after Trespasser - when Varric is viscount? When he mentions that they threw a parade when getting Meredith out of the Gallows?

Aveline, Varric, Merrill and whoever remains of the Kirkwall crew apparently just allowing red templars take over the Gallows?

What happened to Petrice if she lived?

What happened to Feynriel if he went to Tevinter?

If Hawke lives following DAI - where are they?

I have a whole list of lore that's also been brushed over: the Sundermount, Corypheous, the Band of Three etc... I decided to put them in Part 2 since I feel they fit in more with 'lore obliterated' rather than 'abandoned plot points'.

2. Companions

Merrill's Eluvian:

Merrill spent years fixing an eluvian with a piece of string, a potato, and some gum - managing to actually do it.

And it meant nothing.

Eluvians are now a fast travel hub - all mysticism and awe at this marvel of magic are completely gone. Whatever sacrifices Merrill went through to save her sliver of elven history is meaningless.

Imagine if Merrill's eluvian aided in the fight against Solas - if having it intact gave you an advantage against him. Imagine Merrill weeping as Bellara fixes every other single eluvian in ten seconds with her magical omnitool.

Fenris and Slavery in Tevinter:

DATV utterly trivializing slavery in Tevinter is abominable.

Disregarding everything Fenris went through, everything he ever thought for, and making it something barely touched upon in DATV is insanity.

You wouldn't know there was slavery in Tevinter if the Shadow Dragons didn't drop a line or two about it. Limiting the conflict to "oops the venatori are being mean again" is absurd.

Fenris' entire story of going to help free the slaves is diminished because no one wanted to show the ugly, dark side of Tevinter in DATV.

DATV has retroactively made this choice for him to be so unfulfilling.

Where is Anders?

What happened with Sebastian's crusade against Anders? Was he ever captured? Was he executed? Are you telling me that no templars ever pursued this man fanatically after what happened in Kirkwall?

Does his fate vary if Hawke was friends/romanced him?

Varric appointing a new Viscount’s Keep healer called ‘Banders’ who just happens to sleep in the same room as Hawke and their children call him ‘daddy’ lmao

Does his fate vary according to who is Divine? Vivienne hunts him down, Cassandra puts him on trial, while Leliana pardons him?

How does he react to Leliana abolishing the Circles? How much does he weep when the rebellion fails and the mages are destroyed? This man instigated the starting event for DAI and drove most of DA2's major plot and he's just...gone.

The Hawke Siblings:

From DAI we know that Warden Bethany/Carver are safe, but what happened to them if they're in the Circle?

Give us Knight-Commander Carver and First Enchanter Bethany Hawke, you cowards! Have them dismantle the Gallows and be the shining examples of human decency we know they are.

What happens to them after DAI and the Mage/Templar War is concluded? In a world that can embrace or reject them - how do they find their place?

Varric

Trespasser gave him a satisfying conclusion - he's viscount, he's in his shit hole of a city, he's surrounded by the people that he loves and cares about. He has the chance to truly build up Kirkwall after all the shit its gone through.

It just feels so bitter, so meaningless, that they gave him the end that they did in DATV. Varric should never have been the one to go after Solas - the only reason it was him was because he's a popular character in the franchise and was used to draw others in.

Why not Cole?! Who was literally mentioned in Trespasser as being on hand to help his friends - who has the ability to get through to Solas in a way no one else could?

No proper send off - no acknowledgement from those who loved him as to his fate...Varric was reduced to a marketing gimmick to draw people in who wanted to see if he died or not. Despicable.

Isabela

Isabela's story was brought to a close in DAI - she became an admiral, got a fancy hat, helped the Inquisition, and kept in contact with those she loved/Hawke if defended from the arishok.

Imagine bringing her back in a terrible outfit, having the most sex/gender positive character outright insult another for their choices, and making her part of the group that steals cultural artifacts from others.

The tomb of Koslun and Aveline would like a word with you?!

Edit - Thanks to bunnyiscthulhu for reminding me that Isabela's mother sold her to a man who became her husband...yet she does nothing when Taash's mother is outright forcing them into a life they don't want. Isabela, who believed that everybody should be free - that no one should be forced into a life they don't want, just...lets it happen to another person?

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Dragon Age: Inquisition

What's going to happen to the Red Lyrium that's popped up across all of Thedas?

Ferelden, Orlais, Kirkwall - all areas are reported to have red lyrium on the surface.

What happens to the Red Lyrium in Suledin?

DAI speaks about how they can never stop the spread of red lyrium, only slow it – animals, insects, organisms - whatever life is in the ground is all susceptible to becoming blighted by red lyrium. Suledin Keep in particular was utterly devastated by the Red Templars - what happens to life there?

2. What happened to Corypheous' Inner Circle?

What happened to Samson? How long did he live *if* he’s given the chance to help Cullen? Can something good come from his cooperation?

What happened to Calpernia?

Looking at previous concept art for DATV she was a companion - freeing slaves, gossiping about Samson & Corypheous. Just...what a waste. Any potential insight we could have gotten into Corypheous is gone.

3. The Mage / Templar War:

How does the world vary if you conscripted vs allied with either?

How do the remnants of what faction was not chosen fit into this new world?

How does the world deal with abominations and weird magic shit now? Is an alternative to the Order made if it's wiped out in DAI?

How is Cullen's templar clinic doing? If the templars still exist, how is Divine Victoria changing/adapting the Order to better support mages/templars?

4. Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts:

How do Orlesian politics reflect who was made ruler?

Is Gaspard looking to expand into Ferelden once more? Are the elves being brutalized under his rule like they were by his chevaliers? Does he do away with the grand game like he threatened in DAI?

How does this differ if Briala has collared him? How do his supporters feel that Briala has his balls in a vice?

Do Celene and Briala stay together? Do things improve for the elves and for the culture of Orlais at large?

Do improvements for the elves mean that Solas' arguments to his elven agents are less persuasive?

If Florianne is alive what the hell is going to happen to her? How quickly does she fall on her blade after being forced to wear flat shoes for the rest of her life?

How quickly does shit fall apart if you get all three to cooperate lmao

Friendly reminder that DATV sets up that all of Orlais, except for the Winter Palace has been overrun by the Blight - and that a coup from the Venatori is inevitable, likely resulting in any ruler dying.

5. What is the line of succession in Orlais?!

Why does every noble family in Thedas have no contingency plans for if their head of government dies?!

Part of why we needed to resolve the leadership problem in DAI was because there was no clear, direct heir if Celene died!

Celene has no heir Gaspard has no heir

Florianne planned to frame Gaspard, meaning that there was no clear heir to the throne - Orlais was already in a civil war, the council of heralds/nobles would have all campaigned in their own interests...that was why this was so important!

Orlais shortsightedness and pride in their nation being the greatest in Thedas led to them almost falling in a single night!

6. Here Lies the Abyss:

What are the ramifications of having the Warden's exiled verses remaining in the south?

Trespasser literally states that there's a schism in the Order because some Warden's believe they should touch grass more often and not listen to some bloke up in Weisshaupt for what they do down in the south.

Perfect opportunity to have the wardens remaining in the south mean something! Greater numbers in the south means that there's a greater chance of holding against the blight - while greater numbers in the north can effect if Antiva/Tevinter end up blighted in the first attack!

How does public perception towards the Wardens/King of Ferelden change when they learn they were exiled for committing human sacrifice to demons?!

Give us a warden coup and First Warden Alistair / Blackwall, you cowards!

7. The Well of Sorrows:

What was the point of drinking Mythal's bathwater?!

It's been set up as something that changes you. Bound to Mythal forever?!

Retroactively, Solas feels like he's going mental about nothing! One of the few times he ever breaks - he begs you not to - and...for what? Nothing.

DATV does not acknowledge that in the slightest. Such a waste and disappointment of what was made out to be an impactful decision in DAI.

Imagine if the Inquisitor drinking from the well made us forced to fight against them during the fight with Solas - imagine if Solas, in a world state who hated the Inquisitor, used them as a puppet! Just like the envy demon in DAI - and no one notices until its too late. Imagine Mythal herself, wanting Solas to go through with his plan - (or one of the other evanuris) using an Inquisitor/Lavellan he loved as a puppet - imagine the horror he feels as another one of his friends is reduced to nothing more than a mindless slave of the evanuris once more. Imagine the devastation as he watches Lavellan lose all sense of self - perhaps swaying him to, maybe, not go through with his plan?! Imagine having Cole come back to help save the Inquisitor - or Solas begging Rook to save them.

8. DLC Implications:

What happens if Hakkon is not slain? What happens to Southern Ferelden and the Avaar?

How does the rest of Thedas react to the truth of what happened at Red Crossing and the Dales? How do they react to learning that Inquisitor Ameridan - First Inquisitor and leader of the Seekers - was a dalish, elven mage?

What happens if you do not save the mines in the Descent DLC? How badly is Orzammars economy crippled? There are already rumours of riots occurring within Orzammar - it this enough to push the caste system over the edge?

9. Elven Uprising and the War with the Qun:

The elven uprising that was implied to be occuring all over Thedas as a result of years of oppression, systematic abuse, and Solas’ influence.

Where are the agents of fen'harel?!

No, instead lets have him chill in the Fade with no contingency plans, agents, or support of any sort. It was set up that Solas was planning to use this rebellion as a smokescreen for his plans - the elves, all rebelling for good reason, rallying to his cause while Solas planned to restore the world that once was. The rest of Thedas would only see an elven uprising, not knowing the true face behind it until it was too late!

The war between Tevinter and the Qun?!

Everyone conveniently forgetting that the Qun literally attempted to assassinate every noble family in Thedas? Why was there no exalted march because of this? This should have destroyed any accord between the chantry and the qun. There would absolutely be blood for this – Tevinter could have attacked the Qun and all of Southern Thedas would have applauded - no one would have differentiated between extremist qunari and the normal qun, especially not after Kirkwall.

The implication at the end of Trespasser that we could convince Solas to abandon his plans? Him saying that he welcomed giving us the chance?!

The difference that the Inquisitors friendship, love, or hatred could have in either convincing Solas to take another path or damning him to go ahaead with his plan, no matter the cost?

Have our decisions in previous games matter! How we treated the elves - if we worked to better their lives or put them in their place - can be used to convince him that the world can change! Have the ripple effects of these decisions be seen when the elven gods return, blighted - does the world turn against the elves, hardening Solas, or does the world defend the elves from those who would blame them?

Why was Sandal in the Crossroads?! Where is Bodahn?!

10. Divine Victoria!

How does the world of Thedas change with Leliana, Cassandra, or Vivienne at the head of the chantry?

How does Tevinter react to having a mage divine?!

Do relations change between both nations because of this?

Leliana allowing elves, dwarves, and even qunari to join the Chantry! Leliana also allowing members of the chantry to get married if she's romanced by the warden.

What happened to the Seekers? Are they being rebuilt?

Does the chantry inform the masses, the rest of the mages, that they can CURE tranquility?!

If either Leliana or Cassandra was romanced - what are the implications that may have on the chantry?

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No wonder the writers insisted that none of the past choices would have an impact on Veilguard - they literally went scorched earth on everything we ever did.

Ferelden is blighted - any legacy of the warden is gone.

Kirkwall is destroyed - any impact Hawke had is gone.

The hard won peace/order of the Inquisition was rendered meaningless since every single place that you went to and helped is now destroyed by the blight.

Orlais' ruler will likely be assassinated by the venatori who are plotting a coup with the nobles - making whomever you chose obsolete.

AND IT WAS ALL THE WORK OF THE MAGICAL ILLUMINATI FROM ACROSS THE SEA???

[haunted-xander]

I made this AAAAGES ago and forgot to post it and now I'm annoyed by how it's rotting away on my phone so here. Bratty teen Thancred being a menace to Fourchenault (and a bad influence on Urianger lol)

[mozzygan]

the wall between us

redraw of this illustration series i made back in 2019. i'd say i've improved lol.

[ywuji]

Omg so like I want to hear your thoughts on perv!Megumi like finally after so long of Gojo teasing him for being in college for two years at this point and being single, he’s finally procured a pretty girlfriend who’s unfortunately (for her) so naive and sweet??🩷💕 Idk I got shy but I know you’ll do something good with this lol

ik i told u id post this after my wips but i started on it n i couldnt stop i liked the idea too much LOL im sorry for being so confusing D; tysm for the ask though!!! :o i rlly enjoyed writing this!!! (n don’t be shy ahjwhs you’re so lovely T_T♡)

perv!megumi !!! please i feel like he’s the type to be a pervert that’s kinda embarrassed n self aware about himself—especially bc gojo kept teasing him all those years n he was kinda just jacking off to whatever x-rated video that came up first (i feel like perv!megumi is highkey into hentai too but he’s taking that to the grave!!)

n when gets a pretty little girlfriend who acts so cute and who he loves so much, when he gets hard he can’t help but let some of that side of him slip out from time to time...

i think he’s also the type to take lots of pictures,, like pictures while you sleep, peeking through your door while you shower, in clothing store changing rooms while you change, upskirt pictures… he’ll make you his little model!! some of them you know about but some of them you don’t, he’s so lewd.

it’s not just pics of you he takes, it's some of himself too. i feel like one of the things he’d love to do to you is when you tell him to come with you to some random uni event, n he’ll randomly disappear in the middle of it, only to go to the bathroom to take pictures of his hard leaky cock to send you with some casual caption like he didn’t just do that ?!?! he’s crazy (more under the cut)

it’s not megumi’s fault he’s so in his head about you, he still just doesn’t really know how he managed to get someone as pretty and doting as you are as his. 

he sometimes feels guilty for being so obsessed with you—your body clad in pretty little outfits that you show off to him with a twirl, the way you’ll always show him your shiny new sparkly nails when you get them done, how he’s always the first one you’ll pick to talk to about something new you’ve found to love—it’s all that seems to be on his mind recently.

maybe it was gojo’s accidental doing, those feelings of guilt. unintentionally planting a little growing seed of shame in him the first few times he started teasing him for not having a partner yet at his ‘big age’, borderline lecturing him with the ‘when i was your age’ stuff—maybe that was the logical reason why he felt so attached to you, the reason he couldn’t help getting fully erect even when he only saw as much as a pair of your flung-away panties lying at the edge of your bed when coming to your room one day.

but when he recalls back to those nights where you’re innocently cuddled against him, watching whatever movie, a quiet ‘megumi?’ leaving your lips as a sign to tell him you’re falling asleep, and he finds himself shifting in his seat, carefully adjusting your head to let you rest comfortably on him, pressing a soft kiss to your hair as he strokes it and tells you a ‘sleep now, angel’, he knows that’s not the reason.

nevertheless, he’s always been worried about it, thoughts of ‘am i doing too much?’ or a ‘would she not like this?’ clouding his mind. but for every single thought like this he has, he’ll always have two more memories where he’s coming up to you, his sweet-faced little girlfriend, waiting for him with open arms and open heart. and to him, it means more than the world.

and as his cheerful sweetheart girlfriend, you’ve never really minded of course.

you know he’s at least a little perverted, asking to take those pictures of you trying on your new swimsuits, or bras, or skirts, or those times when he pulls out after spilling his load into you, and the first thing he does after making sure you’re okay is to go face-to-face with the trail of cum seeping out of you to snap a few photos.

honestly, you’ve gotten used to it at this point. you just take these moments, seeing what you do to him, as a way of reassuring yourself that he really does just love you that much. and he really does. really!! :(

no matter how innocent or dirty the context, he’ll let you know whenever he gets that warm little feeling in his chest.

“i-i love you,” he pants, head coming up from sucking marks on your neck, languid thrusts coming to a gentle stop as he peers up at you with flushed cheeks. it feels like he’s admitting it for the first time again.

when you stare at him with his same love-drunk look, brows furrowed and eyes pleading, whispering out an “i love you too, gumi”, he’ll pause a moment to study your expression before gently raising you further up the bed, hooking his hand under your leg and repositioning it around his waist.

he’ll drop down to press a kiss to your cheek before resting his chin on your shoulder and picking up the pace again, now only determined to make you cum.

when he thinks of times like these, despite what you’re doing together, it’s innocent in his head.

a time where that’s not so much the case though is when you persuade him to come with you to some uni exhibition event, looking up at him with hopeful, doe-like eyes and as many ‘pleeeaaase, gumi’s and ‘please, guuuum’s as you could muster—cause it’s not like he could say no to that, right?

at first he put up an act of feign stubbornness. but eventually he agreed—only when he knew you’d excitedly hug him and press your soft chest to his as a thank you for it though.

he’d tour the hall with you, watching you gaze in awe at everything with your cute, simple curiosity, occasionally pointing out little things in the pieces he liked. before the artist began their talk though, he got up from his seat, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before muttering a “‘m g’na go to the bathroom.”

in an empty stall, he’ll sit atop the lid and pull down his jeans, freeing his stiffening cock from his underwear. he quietly groans as he pumps himself a few times, a slow trickle of translucent white leaking down from his tip.

he silently curses, throwing his head back, thinking about how you let him flip up your pretty skirt before you left, letting him take a peek at your cute ass in the frilly panties he bought for you.

he reaches for his phone, fumbling to send a picture of the sight to you, adding a casual caption of something like ‘hi pretty girl’ or ‘u look so pretty today, angel’.

he pauses, realising that maybe you won’t see it for a little while. he’s imagining you so obediently listening to the artist speaker to notice the ping of his notification—he enjoys that thought too, but he can’t say why.

he’s careful not to thrust up into his fist, not wanting to make too much noise, but it’s futile—he’s too hard staring at the lewd shots of you saved in his secret hidden album—the way you act so innocently, the way you have no clue what the true extent is of what you do to him. he can’t help but let a few breathy whines slip.

he won’t let himself cum though, thinking he’s too good to be letting himself release over some scrunched up, bathroom tissue when he’s got his own pretty little girlfriend waiting for him a few halls down.

he sighs. cleaning up and tucking himself back into the band of his briefs, leaving the stall and washing his hands, walking back out like nothing happened.

[forgettable-au]

END OF CHAPTER ONE

FORGETTABLE-AU (Page 65-72)

* Time to put this puzzle together.

[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]

[turtleblogatlast]

AU where Leo is trapped in the Prison Dimension for months instead of minutes and the only way he gets by with his sanity intact is through recording himself talking to his wrist comm.

When they finally manage to get Leo back and make him rest up to heal, Donnie can’t help but listen to the recordings left behind.

He’s not sure what exactly he’s expecting, only that his subconscious is screaming at him that it has to be heartbreaking, that it has to be torturous.

Instead, what Donnie is subject to is a full thousand hours’ worth of Jupiter Jim and Lou Jitsu crossover fanfiction. More than one part in the series. Spanning well over a million words.

(The worst part is that it’s actually good.)

[wolfsnooze]

in which hunter’s possession goes a whole lot worse

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

forever obsessed with dynamics between vampires, specifically that of a maker and fledgling, as a way to explore abuse. the creation of a vampire itself can so easily be a literalization of the lasting impacts of trauma and also much more simply the ways a perpetrator might shape their victim’s very identity. the extremes of isolation in the way that the new vampire, in most narratives, must cut all ties to their mortal life, or else go through an elaborate charade to maintain the facade of humanity, while forever still being removed from it. and the sheer dependence and vulnerability of being in an entirely new state of being, wholly uncertain of what it entails, and relying on another person to define… everything.