nintendocoreweb-blog

[wolfsnooze]

in which hunter’s possession goes a whole lot worse

[moonhoures]

That’s My Girl

🕷️ kinktober — day 18: mommy kink 🕸️

pairing: jihyo (twice) +reader (afab/fem.)

genre: non-idol!au, smut, fluff

warnings: 18+, minors do not interact, explicit smut, established relationship, wlw relationship, mommy kink, scissoring

word count: ~970

synopsis: your wife helps you relax after you had a bad day at work

posted: october 18, 2023

kinktober masterlist

Shitty days at work were unfortunately common for you. The insurance company you worked for was understaffed, and the few staff members you had weren’t exactly the brightest. As the department head, you had a lot of decisions to make, lots of responsibility. You often went home with weighted shoulders and headaches that even the strongest dose of medicine couldn’t seem to get rid of. Sometimes you wouldn’t get home until it was dark out, pulling overtime.

It was a Thursday night, and you had (once again) come home hours late. Your wonderful wife had already ate the dinner she prepared and saved your share in the refrigerator after you had sent her a text saying you wouldn’t be home in time to enjoy it. You trudged through the house, feeling absolutely drained. Your bedroom door opened to reveal the soft, golden glow of your wife’s bedside lamp. She sat on her side of the bed, already bathed and dressed down in her pajamas. When she heard the door, her head tilted up and she greeted you with a smile that made the weight on your back feel a little lighter.

“Hi, love. How was work?” Jihyo asked you, sitting up straighter.

“Terrible as always, but I’m home now,” you shrugged with a smile, already peeling off your coat. You let it drop to the floor carelessly while your wife’s smile faltered. She turned the TV volume down, wanting to focus on her conversation with you. She listened to you go on and on about work and how annoying it was. How much stress you were under every day, and how you were tired of it all. Her eyes followed you as you went to the bathroom, and she watched you pull your hair down from the clip you held it in all day. You cleaned off your face and rubbed in your favorite moisturizer. You stripped down to your undergarments and walked around the room, still venting about work as you picked out what pajama set you would wear after your bath.

And as you paused to gather your thoughts, you stopped at the side of your bed to put your phone on its charger. Jihyo smiled gently at you, admiring how cute you looked when you were mad. The crease forming between your brows and the subtle pout to your lips was adorable.

“I’m sorry, honey. Remember, the holidays are coming up. And after you get your bonus, you can look for a new job!” Your wife was always one to see the positives in everything. The one to remind you that the grass is greener on the other side of any tough situation you faced. You were beyond grateful for her.

“I know, love. It’s just- I have to get through the now before the holidays,” you laughed softly, shaking your head as you sighed heavily. When you met your wife’s eyes again, there was a new expression in them.

“Maybe we can take your mind off of work for a little while?”

The question was innocent, but the events that took place after were not so innocent. Jihyo had mastered the art of being a wonderful wife, and one of the things she was best at was caring for you—in every sense of the word. She knew how to make you feel better in any way she could. And right now, she decided love making was the best way to clear your mind.

So she laid you down on the bed, parting your legs for herself to slot between them. And once her pelvis was seated over yours, she began rocking her hips. Your folds grew slick under her own, the skin rubbing against each other.

“How does that feel, baby? Is it just what you needed?” she asked you, using her free hand to push her hair out of her face as she looked down at you. Your eyes were shut so you could focus on the pleasurable high you were chasing, but you nodded.

“Uh huh,” you choked out, hands gripping desperately at her thigh. She smiled at your eagerness, hurrying her pace as she started to feel her own release building up. She loved scissoring with you, and she especially loved being on top. Though there were no specific roles in your relationship, she did secretly enjoy being the “leader”. She liked having someone to rely on her. She liked being the one to make decisions. She liked taking the weight off your shoulders and helping you whenever and however she could. It made her feel powerful and needed.

“Are you gonna let go and cum for mommy?” she asked you, grinding her weeping cunt against yours. She groaned as your clits touched over and over, sending electricity throughout your bodies.

“Yes. Yes. Yes, oh-,” your words were cut off as you were overwhelmed with pleasure. Jihyo’s pussy slid against yours, sending you reeling as she stared down at you with the most wicked glint in her eye. Like she knew she was doing everything right, and she loved watching you snap.

Your hands reached up, pawing at her voluptuous breasts until she mercifully leaned down to kiss your neck. This gave you easier access to knead and play with her boobs, your palms squishing her sensitive nipples. The little moans and whines she let out by your ear only made you wetter, and she could feel it. She was doing it on purpose.

“That’s my girl,” she cooed, kissing your jaw, “Cumming for mommy when you’re told. So proud of you.”

You smiled into the kiss she graced your lips with, melting underneath her. Every ounce of worry and any stressful thought in your mind was gone. She knew her job was done, and successfully so.

— taglist #1

@jaylaxies @xiaoting999 @kookthief @zaddywilk @wonrangwoo @pedriswrld @ikykleeknowww @odisdad @abby-grace @jungwonloveer @pinklemonadeflav @celestialplatinum @luvkpopp @nlklstan @kisses4denji @jenos-eye-smiles @a-l-i-y-a @channiesprincess @bekah931215 @heerinnie @fairygirl18 @cinnikoi @im-ur-calico-cat @unlikelysublimekryptonite @k-drizzle @iguanas-world

[rippleberries]

(Jeffrey teased this at Star Trek San Francisco)

Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton, Anna Lore, Nikki Hahn, and Anna Camp behind the scenes of HYSTERIA! (Photo courtesy Barbara Crampton)

[x]

HYSTERIA! Reunites RE-ANIMATOR Duo Barbara Crampton and Jeffrey Combs

Surprise! The legendary genre pair turn up to add some ’80s cred to Peacock’s new Satanic Panic series.

BY

PHIL NOBILE JR.

OCTOBER 18, 2024 6:00 AM

By now you’re aware of Peacock’s Hysteria!, and that it features Bruce Campbell, who’s been promoted heavily in the marketing of the new show (which dropped today). But turns out he’s not the only genre icon appearing on the series.

Early viewers of Hysteria! have been excited to spot among its ensemble cast none other than Barbara Crampton and Jeffrey Combs, playing a bit against type as suburban parents. Speaking to FANGORIA, Crampton says that “showrunner/creator Matthew Scott Kane is a big Re-Animator fan, and it was his idea to reunite Jeff and myself for the first time since 1995!”

The duo have of course appeared in various unassailable horror classics over the years, beginning with Stuart Gordon’s aforementioned Re-Animator and its follow-up, From Beyond. Placing the pair in an ’80s-set, moral panic horror comedy made all the sense in the world to Kane.

“I'm a very devoted genre fan. All of Barbara and Jeff’s work with Stuart Gordon is so near and dear to my heart that, when these two roles came up, they were the first people that came to mind,” Kane says. “It was kind of a pipe dream. It was like, ‘Wouldn't it be nice if?’ I never thought they would pick up the phone.” To his surprise, the pair agreed, and their devotion to their relatively brief appearance surprised the showrunner.

“We all got dinner with each other, and Barbara and Jeffrey were asking me, ‘What's my motivation here?’ and ‘Here's what I'm thinking for this guy.’ Keep in mind, they’re in one scene — a pivotal scene, one which sets up the entire series — but they're really drilling it into me in ways that no other member of our cast did,” Kane shares. “The night before we were shooting the scene, I got a text from Barbara that could have easily filled a column in your magazine,” he laughs. “It was enormous, and it was brilliant. She was bringing so much — not just to the character, but she was so intelligent in terms of checking out the entire script, understanding what the themes of the show are, and understanding how she could fit into that.”

The series focuses on a struggling teen band called Dethkrunch who, in the wake of their high school quarterback’s disappearance, rebrand themselves as “Satanic” to ride the wave of moral panic sweeping their town. It works until it doesn’t, and they soon find themselves the target of a literal witch hunt. The project, which also boasts Julie Bowen, Anna Camp, Garret Dillahunt, Emjay Anthony and Milly Shapiro among its cast, was instantly alluring to Crampton. “I read the first three scripts of Hysteria! when I was cast and they were all fantastic,” Crampton says. “Fun, spooky, dark and thrilling.” For Crampton, the gig offered other pleasures. “We were giddy with excitement for our parts… and costumes!” (Anyone who’s seen the sartorial choices in Jakob’s Wife or The Last Stop in Yuma County knows Crampton loves a bold wardrobe choice.)

Her co-star Combs was also easily sold, calling the project “a lovely experience… short but sweet.” Like Crampton, Combs was drawn to the quality of the material. “Matthew is a very gifted writer,” he says. “I was thrilled to be part of this, and it would be a delight to work with him again.”

Though the pair both appeared in last year’s Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls, Crampton and Combs shared no scenes together in that film, making this their first onscreen appearance together since 1995’s Castle Freak (where they also played a married couple). “It was an absolute joy to work on screen with Jeffrey again,” Crampton exclaims. “We play the parents to an important character on this show (you’ll have to watch to see which one!) and this lady is amazing. I just adore her!”

Casting the iconic performers, even for just one episode, meant a lot to Kane. “We wanted Barbara and Jeff there for a reason. We wanted them there because we're all huge fans, but also because we know they're great actors and that they can come in and deliver something awesome so that, if we get a second season, they can come into the fold and be more regular characters. If there's a reason to get us a season two, it's to get Jeff Combs and Barbara Crampton back on the screen together for more than just five minutes.”

As to what happens over the course of the series, Crampton is as excited to find out as we are. “I’ve viewed the first episode and it’s a blast,” she shares. “I’ll be watching and posting about all the episodes and enjoying the show along with you all!”

All episodes of Hysteria! are now streaming on Peacock.

[kurosakijane-blog]

Early October. To say that the weather is wonderful today is a blatant lie. Autumn has just begun, and endless rains are already terrorizing the city with might and main, washing away the streets and loudly knocking on the windows of houses.

Fortunately, the small office of “Devil May Cry” was cozy. There is heat, there is light, there is water, hot pizza is served to the table - and Dante doesn’t need anything more to be happy.

Opening the next box, the hunter broke into a blissful smile. The hunter’s nose was filled with the delicious aroma of cheese, and the golden brown crust beckoned…

At this time, a real hurricane broke out outside the window. The rain began to drum with double force, convincing with all its appearance that staying at home in your bed was the best idea that could ever come to mind.

The sound of rain reminded Dante of uninvited guests. They come without an invitation, knocking, wanting to enter. They get angry - lightning flashes in the sky, everything calms down. And then it starts again from the beginning, and so on in a circle.

As soon as the man relaxed, a bell rang and the door to the building opened, letting the cold inside. The sound of the rain became louder, and the room was instantly filled with the smell of dampness and gasoline.

"You could put your office in a better place than on the over side of the sity, you know?"

"You ruined my date, you know?" Dante answered with a smile, pointing to a box of fast food.

"Oooh, I'm sorry!” Morrison said seriously, “In fact, I came to inspect the building as its future owner.”

Noticing the surprise in Dante's eyes, the guest explained: “Just in case. You yourself asked.”

“Go ahead,” the son of Sparda casually waved his hand, “you still won’t find anything interesting.”

"I’ll try." information broker muttered quietly, climbing the stairs to the second floor.

As soon as the footsteps above died down, a playful smile touched Dante's lips.

"Well, shall we continue?" he whispered, taking out a piece of slightly cooled pizza. Even though such a long-awaited romantic meeting was ruined for them, nothing can stop true feelings.

But…

The bell rang again. In truth, today, Friday evening, Dante was ready to curse this damn bell and everyone who comes through these damn doors.

Looking at the visitor, the hunter raised an eyebrow in surprise. A young girl stood in front of him. The gray coat barely covered her knees, dressed in black nylon, and the stranger’s face was hidden by the hood.

The guest lightly shook off the wet umbrella and reached for her headdress.

"Are you Dante? " you asked, approaching the table. The man sighed heavily and put down the pizza, which had long cooled down.

"It depends on who asks."

After introducing yourself, you hand Dante a small stack of papers.

"I would like to offer you one thing."

The son of Sparda quickly skimmed the text and then closed his eyes tiredly.

"Sorry, baby, but I don’t take on family dramas. I have enough of my own."

"But… you are a demon hunter!" you exclaim, removing a strand of hair that stuck to your face. "Isn't this your job?"

“As I said…” Dante stopped mid-sentence. The lights in the entire building suddenly went out, and the radio went silent with a click.

Footsteps were heard again from the second floor.

"Damn you, Dante!" Morrison shouted. "Are you not paying your bills again?!"

"You are the future owner! But there hasn’t been normal work for a long time, and whose fault is it?" the gray-haired man shouted back.

Gradually your eyes got used to the darkness and, finally, you were again able to see the owner of the office in front of you. He sat with his head bowed and seemed to be thinking about something. He hesitates. It only took you a couple of seconds to realize that this was your chance.

“What a pity,” you drawl playfully, carefully sitting down on the edge of the table, “but if you helped me, I would pay generously. What should you do��"

The guest slowly pushed the papers right under Dante's nose, waiting for a reaction. There was a quiet chuckle, the man took a deep breath and raised his head. The darkness still shrouded his silhouette, but you saw one thing very clearly. Sparks in his eyes.

“Stubborn,” he grins, getting up from his chair. The man rests his hands on the table and, leaning forward, looks you straight in the eyes "we agreed."

[rivalsforlife]

The Yearly AA Series Future Speculation Post

I've given up on calling it aa7 speculation because that has never worked out for me. anyways [apollo justice voice] hiya!

It's been a while since I made one of these little posts where I try to predict things and end up horribly embarrassing myself. BUT this year has actually been very exciting for Ace Attorney. We have Ghost Trick! We have 456 ports! Could there be more? Who knows. Tokyo Game Show is coming up and that's always a bad time of year for my self-esteem.

In this post I will do the following:

-Go over the November 2020 leaks again, to compare that to where we're at now

-Talk a bit about the 456 port and what I think that means for the series and its future

-Talk a bit about how well TGAA is doing, I think

-Brief Tokyo Game Show speculations (there's not much to speculate about)

I'll reference my previous posts and sources where necessary. It'll get long and rambly again so I'll put the rest under a keep reading.

FIRST:

Revisiting the Calendar (Again)

For those who aren't aware, back in November 2020, Capcom got hacked (this was overall bad) and from that hack came a leak of a roadmap for the future of the AA series.

For this post, please keep in mind that this calendar is using the Japanese fiscal year, which starts in in April. Therefore Q1 is roughly April-June, Q2 July-September, Q3 October-December, Q4 January-March of the next year.

This calendar was likely made in 2019, before the COVID-19 pandemic, which inevitably ended up throwing everything off quite a bit.

Some of these things came true. This leak was where we first heard about the official TGAA ports, and while they were delayed by about a quarter, they still came out pretty close to on time with all things pandemic to consider. What's especially interesting is that now with confirmation of the 456 ports, we now have no idea what is up with AA7.

We know that AA7 was in development at one point. We know that, if things were on track prior to the pandemic, they might have started the main production. However, the plan seemed to be to release it for the 20th anniversary and use those sales and the sales from TGAA to judge whether 456 would be ported; now that we have 456 confirmed before AA7, we can assume that AA7's delay is so severe we have no way of predicting if or when it will come out.

The thing is, though, AA has been doing really well the last few years, despite the lack of a new game. The 2019 ports of the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney trilogy have sold around 2.3 million copies, when previously no other Ace Attorney game broke a million. The trilogy hit a million copies around December 2020, for reference. Ace Attorney itself as a whole broke ten million copies sold recently. In this post I covered how TGAA seemingly has sold way more than Capcom expected, and sold pretty quickly, and is confirmed to be somewhere between 500k-1 million copies sold.

I don't see any reason to believe that AA is in dire financial straits. We've gotten more official merchandise in the last year or so than we got for a while, AA is featured heavily on Capcom's Captown website, the Tokyo Game Show merchandise store has been selling out of AA merch faster than any of their other IPs... I don't see why they wouldn't want to milk that. And 456 is probably a part of it.

What Do The 456 Ports Mean

Back in March 2022, in an event I almost completely forgot about, Capcom updated their trademark for Apollo Justice. I covered my thoughts on that here, and speculated it might indicate a 456 port. ... Which it apparently did. I'll quote exactly what I said in that post, since I still feel this way:

Presumably, previously, the decision to port or not to port 456 would be dependent both on how well TGAA does and how well AA7 would do. With no AA7, they might be making this decision solely based on TGAA. And they… might actually decide it’s worth the port?

This tells us a couple of things.

1.Capcom is aware that there is a decent market and profit to be made porting the Ace Attorney games to all consoles.

2.This heavily implies that TGAA sold fantastically.

I also said in my post about TGAA's success that the 456 ports would be the best indicator of whether Capcom would find it more profitable to continue along with mainline or stick to writing more things about TGAA. Because TGAA is actually doing... pretty great? It's always seemed to have a pretty good fan reception, but it came at the end of the 3DS life cycle and seemed to do poorly enough that Capcom didn't try to localize it for several years. But now it's big enough that Ryunosuke made it onto the 20th anniversary logo, and Ryunosuke and Kazuma are featured in some of the Ace Attorney merchandise for TGS's merch store.

456 doing well would probably reinvigorate Capcom's desire to continue making stories set in mainline. It also might inspire them to finally give an official translation to my favorite game, Ace Attorney Investigations 2, who is Capcom's poor unloved child these days. I'm not expecting Investigations Ports for a few more years, since they seem to be spacing out the ports by about two years, but... it's more likely now than I felt it was about three years ago.

The Great Ace Attorney Sweep

Also, the last few years have had a heavy focus on Great Ace Attorney, even now a couple of years after the ports came out. Takarazuka made their first AA musical in a decade based on TGAA, and, if you ask me, it sounds pretty heavily like they were teasing for a sequel someday. There also has been a reading theater based on TGAA, with an original episode written by Takumi.

Of particular relevance is this source of dubious credibility I linked to in one of my other posts talking about TGAA's expected success. I've assumed it came from the data in the November 2020 Capcom Leak but I can't be certain, so take this next part with a grain of salt.

Here are the original sales projections from 2019(?): FY21: 195K (originally supposed to launch in Q1) FY22: 55K FY23: 8K FY24: 41K (with 32K being in Q3)

This sudden increase in FY24 has always been interesting. Again, as a reminder, Japan's FY24 Q3 would be equivalent to October-December 2024.

It would make sense to say that the 456 ports coming out would likely lead to an increase in sales for all AA games, and it could be that Capcom initially intended for a 456 port to come out about half a year later than the current projection of early 2024. At the same time... I can't deny the possibility that this could be hinting at a new game in the TGAA setting. And something coming out in late 2024 could be a reasonable candidate for an announcement at some major gaming show that Ace Attorney fans already have an interest in tuning into. These are all completely neutral things I am saying that I have no expectations or hope for whatsoever.

What IS Happening At Tokyo Game Show?

TGS is always the part of the year where I say "This is the most likely place for a new AA game announcement leading up to or during it" and it never happens. This year, though, will be different! We have a CONFIRMED feature of the 456 ports. This is the first time we'll have AA content at TGS since 2018, when I first got into the series, so I think it's a pretty big deal. (2018 was when the trilogy ports were first announced; TGAA ports had an announcement-release window of April-July, so they didn't get a chance to feature at TGS.)

Since all we have for a release date is early 2024, I wouldn't be surprised if there will be an official confirmation of the release date, probably a showcase of port features, maybe in-person gameplay? That could be all, and it would be more than we've had since 2018.

I want to say "because there's going to be 456 advertising there, it would be ridiculous for them to announce some new AA content to detract from that". But I said the same things about the capcom showcase where Ghost Trick was featured and the 456 collection was announced, so. Capcom's decisions on when to announce things can be counterintuitive, it seems, so maybe the least likely time is actually the most likely...?

Anyways, we have no idea what the state of New Ace Attorney Content is like in Capcom. From the calendar from the Nov 2020 leaks, the staff that had been working on the DGS ports would join the main staff for AA7, suggesting to me that there would be part of the staff working on ports and part of the staff working on new things. We have no idea what happened to these people who were supposed to be working on AA7. We *can* assume that at least part of the staff transferred over to 456 ports now, but we don't know when that would have been, or if they'd really need all hands on deck for a remaster.

It's been a few years now since Yamazaki left Capcom. We know absolutely nothing about what Takumi has been doing, outside of whatever contributions he may or may not have made to the Ghost Trick remaster, and only recently contributing to various stage content. (We know he advised at least somewhat on the Takarazuka play, and wrote that original episode for the reading theater, so I'd assume he's not in the middle of a big project right when those were taking place.)

This is all to say, there's reason to believe Something's Been Happening Behind The Scenes. And Therefore -- [clown wig descends onto my head again] Maybe TGS 2023 Will Be The Year Of New Ace Attorney Content. Since 456 will be taking the spotlight, I wouldn't expect anymore than a teaser, if it's happening at all.

And now that I've said it, it won't happen.

OVERALL

-TGS confirmed 456 port feature, which should be interesting to see what kind of quality of life features they'll add. Slight possibility there could be something else AA related teased there, solely because Capcom.

-I think TGAA is doing better than Capcom expected and I wouldn't be shocked if they tried to make a new game of it, or at least more extracanonical content like stage plays taking place in that timeline

-AA7 has seemingly vanished but I am sure it will come back when I least expect it.

-AAI ports someday. please. please. please.

[mynahx3]

My Dear in the Night 1.2K

HELLOOOOO LOVELIES!! I live! HA! Months later and i'm finally happy with what I'm writing. Life kinda just got crazy so I had to put writing on the back burner for a bit. I do have a few goodies I'm editing rn so I can't wait to share em once they're done. This story is a little sneak peak to the one I'm realllllyyyyy excited about. It's a Author! Suguru x Ghost! Reader. Nothing to warn rn but it will get dark so buckle up! Should be out latest end of Sept

It was a cold autumn evening, the moon shining brightly above, as expected given that it was midway through October.

A man sat in his dark room, silent as he hunched over his desk. Tired eyes looked over his laptop, the damned cursor almost mocking him as it blinked on an empty page. He felt his lip twitch in irritation; the only other movement was the tapping of his leg against the wooden floors.

In the morning, he would have to face the consequences of his actions. He would wake with a dull ache in his lower back as a result of his terrible posture; his wrists hurt from years of misuse, and his eyes burned from the brightness of his laptop, yet he couldn't sleep. He wouldn't until he had something.

Hours of sitting at his desk had gone by with nothing to show for it. He was supposed to be a renowned horror author with plenty of titles to his name, but lately, nothing seemed to flow from his mind like before. Any and all inspiration for the particularly gruesome topics of his writing was gone. The creative spark in his mind kept the flames of his imagination burning bright like an inferno, seemingly with no end, but now it was fizzled out. Dimmed and barely flickering.

A desperation gnawed inside him, urging him to find that spark once again before it was too late. The pressure to produce something, anything, weighed heavily on his shoulders as he stared blankly at the empty page before him. That desperation is what drove him to this small community. It was a much-needed reprieve from the rush and bustle of city life.

Currently, he finds himself in a deeper stump.

Ravenwood, located in the Appalachian Mountains, was a small town known for its cold weather almost all year and even colder residents, particularly to outsiders. Most wouldn't even think to look twice at the drab town, but it seemed to gain a second life with holiday season. Many came for a vacation in the snowy mountains to find a nice retreat from the reality of their lives. A place many went to have that perfect winter wonderland experience for half the price of others.

What had garnered his attention wasn't the mountain sights to see nor the cozy, cheap cabins for rent; no, it was the history. One that has been soaked with blood since it's founding.

This place only seemed to be a magnet for misery and despair. Disasters, fires, murders, and everything else that could go wrong were common occurrences in this cursed town. Many speculated what the cause was— monsters in the night, a witch in the woods, a vengeful spirit haunting the mountains, or simply bad luck. One thing was for certain: this winter wonderland had a dark side that no amount of snow could cover up.

Those seeking excitement, debunkers, and ardent supporters of the supernatural were drawn to this. Tourist traps littered across town saw many people flocking like moths to a flame, which locals were quick to capitalize on. Each one caters to the morbid curiosity and fascination with the town's dark history, offering ghost tours, haunted house experiences, and other macabre attractions.

Just as many took advantage of the town, others frowned at the exploitation of their past, telling the yearly visitors to stop while they were ahead. Despite the warnings from locals about the dangers of delving too deeply into the town's past, visitors continued to flock in, eager to uncover the secrets.

The man had only come to find inspiration. He didn't care for the talk of ghosts, of curses, or even of aliens- funny enough. Not that he ever believed in any of those things to humor even the thought of them.

He was a writer, after all, and all he needed was a good story to tell. And the town of Ravenwood seemed to hold more than enough material for his next bestseller. He thought that the rich, dark history would help rekindle that fire inside him. To let his mind flow once more for his next book, the start of a new series after his last overwhelming success. So far, he had gotten the characters down, the setting figured out, but he only needed that extra push to get the plot ironed out. For months, he had thrown together ideas, ideas he tossed after thinking on them for a bit.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he refocused his vision, looking from the white of his laptop to the window in front of him. The branches of the dead tree in the lawn swayed with the wind, the leaves rustling softly. It was a quiet night; like always, the neighbors always made sure to avoid any disturbances. He straightens his back in his office chair, moving his long bangs back with his hand, releasing some of the tension from his stiff shoulders. The stress of his deadline and unending nagging from his editors had almost made him forget how nice the quiet was. Looking down, he saw the houses all dark and quiet, with only a few dim lights shining through the curtains.

The neighborhood was old but well kept; houses stood with character along the streets. Each one is now decorated for the upcoming holiday, with carved lanterns on almost every porch and tacky decorations adorning the lawn. Something swayed in the wind that caught his eye, chimes jingling from it. It was a talisman.

The same bundle of different herbs, crystals, and wax symbols was hanging from every door in the neighborhood. Supposedly, it was an item to ward off any evil spirits, something they kept up year round. The townsfolk had a sense of unity in their efforts to ward off any negative energy. They seemed to take pride in their traditions and beliefs, creating a unique atmosphere in the community.

As he adjusted to the new surroundings, he finally felt comfortable enough to ask about it. The older woman next door was happy to inform him of the significance. She even made sure to gift him one, her eyes hardening as she warned him to keep it and hang it above his door at all times. Being raised with respect, he took the item with a small, grateful smile, pocketing the item with care before discarding it onto the very desk he sat at. Left and forgotten. When he continued unpacking, he chuckled at the sight of it in his office, unsure of the strong belief in a bundle of twigs and rocks.

Picking the talisman up, he turned it over, his thumb rubbed over the wax seal. Feeling the grooves and ridges of the strange symbol carved into it.

Evidently, he did not take superstition seriously… in the beginning. Even beliefs can change at the drop of a dime. The months he spent in the town had changed him.

In the dark hours of the night, he experienced things that could not logically be explained. It started small. Things that could be explained away by a forgetful mind. His keys disappearing only to come up in a place he would never leave them. Furniture was being moved so slightly that he initially thought it was his imagination. That's what any logical man would do. Chalk it up to his aging mind, even at the age of thirty, or simply an overactive mind caused by insufficient sleep and too much caffeine. But as the occurrences became more frequent and unsettling, he couldn't ignore the feeling that something was off. Shadows seemed to linger longer than they should, and whispers could be heard in empty rooms. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched, even when he was completely alone.

Then one day, it all became clear: it was her.

Tap, tap, tap.

A sharp knock jolted him from his thoughts once more; he seemed to be getting more and more lost in his mind as of late. He now saw a figure blocking the moonlight. Well, a normal person would block it. The figure in his window, on the second floor of his house, casts a bluish tint onto him; their body was almost transparent; he could see the branches swaying behind her still. When he finally looked at her face, a sweet smile appeared on her lips.

"Hellloooo!" She called with a singsong voice, tilting her head at him. Hand waving at him excitedly. "You gonna let me in, Sugu?"

[laprimera]

alrighty so after some reflection and getting some outside stuff prioritized Im done some blog housework so I can get comfortable here again.

im still gonna continue my hiatus until november cause the rest of October still has a lot of rl appointments and stuff going on. ill be nuking my ask and drafts to get into maximum turtle plot overdrive and just start things clean, but here's the skinny under cut:

. Ive went and cleaned up my followers list. mostly of inactive blogs, non-mutual or blogs that haven't reached out or interacted at all. I use to think I liked a busier dash but I think trying to keep up with it had been giving me anxiety even if my muses weren't involved in anything plot wise. FOMO has been really killing my vibe more then anything and I need to cut that habit out.

you're a-okay to refollow though! I'll do the same. none of this was done out of malice or a personal dislike, and I get being so busy w/ life and personal plots that you cant interact with everyone in a convenient moment. but if you see this as an opportunity to reach out then by all means! that and I might've accidentally unfollowed one or two of you cause side-blog deal, clumbsy thumbs, and uuh, dont mind me realizing that later down the line-my bad!

. unless carefully plotted otherwise, anything outside my own canons, affiliated blogs/mains or plots is no longer canon to my own. any interaction or thread initiated towards my muses will default fall into my lore/verse unless vice versa or its plotted and etc etc. It's no longer just hanging there in the void so to speak. I need to feel more in control of my own narrative I think and trying to puzzle a lot of contradicting outside plots, dash events, etc has been mentally taxing when rp shouldn't be occupying so much space or anxiety to begin with lol.

this isn't to say everything thats happening in the dash or w/ other characters isn't important ofc! and I still want to participate; it'll just fall under a crack/non-canon tag. if things end up lining up p' well with whats going on here then I might take it into canon. This is p' much what I've been doing to begin with, it's just more concrete now and Im being more careful of what Im willing to accept now. Im ofc open to discussing stuff! DMs and disco for those who have it are open always even if I take a moment to get to it!

. Im no longer answering anon asks that are personal in some way, ie, around subject matters that aren't general headcanons asks or 'hey how do you feel about-' sorta deal. I dont feel comfortable taking it to public and while I understand having the fear of being identified, it's not fair if I'm the only one bearing the subject so to speak. If you want to talk to me through DMs you can either tell me your UN (no burners either) so I can bypass permissions here to chat or you can reach me at @shiny-miltank where my IMs are not barred to mutuals only. I don't bite really! and my discord is not public. tbh Im still very anxious about being on disco to begin w/ cause social anxiety flare ups. idk tumblr dms always seemed easier to chat until I know you on a personal basis-its just worked that way.

. making it more strict that you dont? put my geeta in place of plots, events, etc that I havent participated or plotted with, nor can you make assumptions for them based on said events. as slapped on every piece on my about/rules/pinned/etc shes heavily canon-divergent to begin with so no one knows her intentions/actions (save for me ofc) and wont act in what presumed canon-geeta would do or your own version so to speak. easy enough to slap me an IM for "is it okay to-", plotting, or just make a nebulous npc stand-in.

. things that havent changed are the use of my lore and headcanons into your own! I love seeing it integrated or adapted into other lore and seeing just how much it inspires and changes over time!

this all seems rigid but really it's just reiterating whats already in my rules and no one here has been a huge offender at all :' ) this is more for me to follow and I cant thank everyone enough for their patience and creativity for as long as I've been here. Im loosey goosey and go with the flow 90 out of 100 times.

this goes for the rest of my muses, which Ill probably clean up when Im back-but yeah! miss ya'll! hope you've been doin' good! the terrapagos plot will continue then and Ill resume reaching out and leaving details! hopefully in time for dlc ; >

[siphersaysstuff]

ENERGON BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

February's Patreon @tfwiki pic update is on 2004's ENERGON, the awkward middle child of the Unicron Trilogy. Caught in the early stage of explosive franchise growth and pulled in too many directions. But there's good stuff in there. ROADBLOCK remains a solid, fun toy, turning from robot to crane-truck to heavily-armed half of a two-robot combiner.

The Autobots' two-bot-combiners gimmick was certainly an interesting attempt, but TOW-LINE really took the gimmick to more interesting places than most. He's his own combiner, with the lower half of his vehicle mode turning into a mobile battle-sled-thing separate from his robot mode.

Store exclusives were rare in Armada, but by Energon, Hasbro was ready to start pumping them out again, and boy did they. CHECKPOINT, a rededo of Rodimus, came in a Kmart "SWAT" 2-pack with a similarly deco'd Prowl. Back when Kmart was still a thing.

The Decepticons, rather than combining, got "hyper modes" and alternate vehicle modes that deployed more weapons. SIX SHOT, a redeco of Shockblast, is one of the better attempts, having a considerably-different "satellite" mode on top of his space-tank altmode.

Oh lawd he comin. OMEGA SENTINEL, a redeco of Omega Supreme, splits into a "construction vehicle" and "cruiser", each with a "platform" mode. The two can also join to for a "Cybertronian Armored Supertrain" but that wouldn't fit in the lightbox. Plus he can merge with Optimus Prime! Okay mainly he's a suit Prime wears, but there's attachment points for all of Prime's drone-vehicles as well.

With the franchise taking off, Hasbro looked to fill out Energon with more stuff. This Deluxe version of the Mini-Con HIGH WIRE came with a figure of human ally Kicker, rendered in the style of the then-current G.I.Joe toys. This set seemingly was not engineered by Takara, and it kinda shows.

Speaking of... oof. This set. Not to editorialize too much, but... the MEGA-DINOBOT set of GRIMLOCK and SWOOP is... well. Bad. Originally intended for the Universe line, it got shuffled into Energon, and similarly wasn't engineered by Takara. The result is a floppy, awkward mess. One of the very, very few Transformers toys in its 40-year run I'd call "bad".

(Also... yes, I re-did the Grimlock pic. Back in October, I used archive imagery for that update because, frankly, I'd forgotten I still owned this set. Upon discovery, I decided to redo the pic so it's crisper and better positioned. Still not a good toy though.)

Mind you... it's not like things were all roses on the other hemisphere. Takara made SL GRAND CONVOY, a smaller version of Optimus Prime without any of the good points of the larger figure. What IS that torso mode?! (This is the shinier "SL Grand Convoy & Kicker" 2-pack version. And it broke. Super-tight ankle joints made from clear-plastic? A recipe for disaster.)

Didn't mean to end on a down note. Here, have a pic of one of the line's absolute highlights, the Omnicons and Terrorcons, and their buildable energon weapons.

Energon was kind of all over the map, trying a lot and maybe lacking a strong cohesive theme because of it. Some damn good stuff, but also some genuine misses.

If you enjoy these runs through Transformers toy history, please consider tossing a coin into my Patreon ("gregstfwikipics" at patreon dot com). More support means I can devote more time to bigger updates with more images each month. There's still loads to do!

[zenkor123]

The beginning of Katniss's rotation 6 AM October 8 75 DD WIP

Restraining order removed in evening of October 7, this is the begining of Katniss's rotation, Peeta is heavily drunk on morphling that he drunk just 30 minutes before. It is 6 AM.

"why does she want to end it all with an attempt on Snow when she has her home family pet, fame, a life with Gale, much of her childhood friends from her district, lots of friends including the other victors, Why is she so down when Peeta is lucky to not be spending the rest of his life in a mental institution has no memories does not know his birthday, and his family was killed, Rubius Mayne was forced to do secretary work in Snows mansion and endured far worse and neither he nor Mayne has a death wish, death is nothing special to them. Snow is going to lose the war and not survive. Do you blame yourself for the war? Snow set up the system and even without the berries it was not meant to last. Is it the insecurity of seeing the face of the person who Redacted and strangled you every single day? Do you think there is no life without me trying to kill you so you want to kill Snow for this? What did Snow do to you? So stop looking at me like I'm the worst thing that ever happened to you, that you just can't stand my presence, your not so special Katniss Everdeen. I have a sense that this is about me.  "Yeah I know what happened before I was mutated you were(goes on about about SA delusions) and I'm sorry about that, Peeta received more than enough retribution for this, and I have no attraction to you don't worry, but what does that have to do with killing Snow and why is it getting worse? I imagine you would be happy to know that he suffered and is gone and I don't believe any of the bull crap that was forced down my throat in the Capitol. You need to talk about this with someone because if you lose your mind your going to be given an apartment in the hospital wing with me and Annie, I've always signaled misfortune for you and in the process of escaping it I will be this again without me doing anything then wanting to live my life and frankly you should be in the hospital wing, or at least talking to Dr Aurelius once a week. None of this is my problem but I was selling Morphling to Boggs at 2 in the morning  and I heard you screaming my name over and over again, I thought it was an Hallucination. someone needs to tell you to seek help and since no one has told you this yet I guess it had to be me out of all people. ||If your going to dream of me (SA delusions)|| then  Keep it to yourself or I will request to have your room soundproofed. 

'"if there's anyone who needs to go to the hospital its you Peeta, you were tortured, your mind destroyed and were made into a weapon and you think that makes you strong, you know who was the first person to call you a runt?, Your mom, did also do you really think that Snow didn't know what he was doing when he tried to sell you like Finnick? He set you and Annie up to kill those clients, yet like a fool you fell for it.' Peeta is triggered by being mother shamed:

You know I'm not the only mutt created to destroy you, the capitol created reptilian mutts that hunt in packs, and probably are attracted to your scent, they have sharp teeth, and they whisper your name "Katnissssss" they are trained on live avoxes, the odds of your capture are also pretty high and if he captures you your torture may be livestreamed and your death may be like Darius's death, slow, you cannot be mentally well to want to risk this also a death from an arrow is too quick for white imp, my favorite idea is using one of the capitol replicated scents, attaching it to Snow and feeding him to those lizard mutts but if Snow is to die before the end of the war, (Peeta laughs about how fucked up that idea is) I would recommend a bunker buster or poison gas though many Avox innocents would be killed"

"No I want to see Snow's face before he dies, he took you from me and hijacked you, a debt must be paid! and before you go on about rape, you made that up" Peeta begins expositing his SA delusions and Katniss tells him it never happens and reveals the stay with me always, nights on the train, night before the quarter quell,

[twistedtummies2]

Top 5 "Spooky Episodes" from Classic Thomas & Friends

While I don’t talk about it especially often here, if you know me well or have been hanging around my page a while, you’ll know that I have a soft spot for “Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends” (and the book series that inspired the show, “The Railway Series”). This year marks a very special one for multiple reasons related to the series: first, because later this year a fan film is coming out based on the show, in which I get to play a major character. It is also the tenth anniversary of the first film of the series this project is to be a part of. (Shameless advertising for the win!) Second, because next year is going to mark the 80th anniversary for the whole franchise. Third and finally…because this specific date, October 9, 2024, is the 40th anniversary of “Thomas & Friends” on TV.

With so many anniversaries and special occasions tied to this series and this date, I felt it was important to acknowledge my childhood favorite once again. And, since we’re still in the spooky month of October, I decided to make one of my October countdowns a tribute to the spooky side of Thomas. It seems fitting because, honestly, the “Spooky Episodes” of the series seem to have a following uniquely their own: while there are many fans of the series out there, it seems like a lot of the more popular fanworks out there tend to gravitate towards the dark, the eerie, the haunting, and the disturbing. A lot of this seems to be influenced by the impact of the “Spooky Episodes” the show had: numerous creepypastas, fan films, and so on seem to take inspiration from there more than anywhere else. Thomas always had a dark edge to its seemingly happy-go-lucky demeanor, especially in its early days, but the more extremely dark stuff often seems most heavily impacted from the stories of ghosts, monsters, and other creepy shenanigans scattered throughout the series, most especially during its Halloweentime airings.

In honor of this, here’s a quick little list I’ve had on my mind for a while now: a tribute to the original “Spooky Episodes” of Thomas that I loved as a kid. Now, I’m specifically going to be talking about episodes from the “Classic” era of the show, meaning Season 7 backwards. The reasons for this choice are because they are the ones I grew up with, the ones I remember most fondly, and the ones that seem the most influential on the fandom. So, episodes like “Halloween” (from Season 8) or “The Phantom Express” (from Season 17) will not be included. (I also won’t be including any episodes from the sister shows “Jack and the Pack” or “TUGS.”) I will be ranking based on several criteria: how outright creepy the episode is, how much of an impact it seems to have had on fans beyond myself, and - most importantly - my own personal biases and nostalgia. With that said, for all…two of you who decide to read this, these are My Top 5 Favorite “Spooky Episodes” from Thomas & Friends!

5. Scaredy Engines.

We’re starting off with the least scary of these episodes, but still a very memorable one. Appearing in Season 6, “Scaredy Engines” isn’t actually all that creepy, in my opinion…but it IS, to its credit, VERY funny, even as a grown-up. The story begins with Thomas, Percy and Duck hearing a story of a ghost engine that haunts the lonely scrapyards, searching for his lost whistle, one Halloween Night. By sheer happenstance, Sir Topham Hatt - the Fat Controller - sends the three out on a job at the scrapyards that same night. All through the night, Thomas teases Percy for being a “scaredy engine,” getting all nervous about the story…so Duck decides to pay him back, and the result is honestly kind of hilarious. This is weirdly one of those episodes I appreciate more now than I did when I was younger; when I was a kid, I felt it was a significant downgrade compared to many of the earlier spooky stories (especially those in the previous season…we’ll get to that later). Nowadays, however, I really appreciate the humor of it, and I also think it’s a strong character episode, showing the best qualities of all three of its main figures. It was, in fact, one of the last major roles Duck had in the show, and it’s a favorite for me in terms of Thomas & Percy’s long-running friendship. It’s not one of the creepiest, but it’s certainly one of the most fun.

4. Ghost Train (a.k.a. Percy’s Ghostly Trick).

Airing in Season 2, this is the only episode on this list that is a direct adaptation of a tale from “The Railway Series.” This was the first properly “spooky” story in Thomas history - both for the show and for the original books - and it sort of set the standard for how later episodes and stories in the same vein would be managed. The story begins with Percy telling Thomas & Toby about a ghost story his driver related to him. Thomas scoffs at the story as stuff and nonsense and mocks Percy, who is further disappointed when his driver reveals the story was a made-up tale inspired by a TV show. Later that night, Percy runs into a broken cartload of lime left on his track, and is covered in white powder from smokebox to bunker. With Toby’s help, he decides to trick Thomas into thinking he’s a real ghost, to pay him out for teasing. In some ways, this is a lot like the later “Scaredy Engines,” but I think “Ghost Train” wins because it just has a darker edge to it. It’s such an atmospheric episode. Taking place almost entirely during night and evening, with the usually charming Sodor now taking on an eerie, decrepit appearance. Fog is everywhere, the autumn trees look ghostly and haggard, and the soundtrack leans heavily into the dark and decadent ambience on display. While the story itself is fairly innocent, it’s this dreary and unsettling atmosphere that sells things: it doesn’t hold back on its spookiness, despite its inherent silliness, and I think that’s why it’s had such an impact for so long. It’s one of the most popular examples of “Spooky Thomas” to this day, among fans and general audiences alike, and more than deserving of placement here.

3. Haunted Henry.

All of the top three episodes on this list come from the same era of the show: Season 5. Produced as a sort of experiment to test effects, tonal qualities, camera dynamics, and other elements in preparation for the series’ first (and, to date, only) theatrical feature film, “Thomas and the Magic Railroad,” Season 5 deliberately tried to be more varied and more cinematic in its style and standards. As a result, there are more episodes that can be considered “spooky,” or at least fairly “dark,” in this single season than any other in the franchise’s history, and virtually all of them are great. Our first example is “Haunted Henry,” which begins with Edward warning Henry about a ghost that haunts the line, whenever a certain owl hoots and the mist rolls in. Henry dismisses Edward’s warning…until later that same night, while hauling an important goods train, Henry and his crew begin to come across apparent signals of ghostly activity, including flickering lights, mysterious warning signs, and more. MILD SPOILER ALERT: it is eventually revealed that all this evidence of haunting has a more or less logical explanation. However, what makes “Haunted Henry” so great is the building of tension and mystery: we aren’t told right from the start that this definitively isn’t a ghost, unlike in many later (and even earlier) episodes, so for much of the story, we’re just as creeped-out and unsteady as Henry and his Driver and Fireman are. It’s almost like a Thomas version of Scooby-Doo (keyword being “almost”), as we have to try and piece things together to figure out just what is really going on. Parts of this episode were genuinely frightening to me as a kid, and even as an adult, you have to admire its atmosphere - arguably heavier than any other episode of this type - and the way it keeps the viewer in suspense. A highlight for Season 5 and the spooky side of Thomas in general, “Haunted Henry” is pretty much a shoe-in for the top three.

2. Rusty and the Boulder.

This is actually my favorite episode from Season 5, so you’d think it would take the top spot here. However, I rank it only at second place because it isn’t “spooky” all the way through. Unlike all the other episodes on this list, the majority of the story takes place during the day, and it’s more of a thrill ride than a tale of ghosts and goblins. So, why is it on the list at all? Well…let’s go into the story: the plot begins with the engines of Sodor working on trying to open up a new quarry in the mountains. The main engine in charge appears to be the little diesel, Rusty. High upon a cliff overlooking the quarry is a huge, round boulder. One day, the boulder rolls down off the mountains, and runs amok across the line, threatening multiple engines and leaving rampant destruction everywhere it thunders. Eventually, the boulder comes to a halt after ramming into a shed filled with explosive mining supplies, and in the wake, the decision is made to shut down the project. The boulder is then moved to a smaller, safer location, to prevent it from ever causing trouble again. What makes this episode so disturbing and unique, and why I place it on the spooky ranks, is because it’s HEAVILY implied that the Boulder is somehow alive, which is a first for the series: in virtually every other episode that has elements of the supernatural involved, the paranormal is explained away. It’s always the result of a misunderstanding, or of real people/engines just playing pranks on other characters, or even a bit of both. This is, to my knowledge, the only time it’s pretty strongly indicated there is something unnatural going on, and the imagery that accompanies this can be quite unsettling. On top of that, while we know something otherworldly is going on, we don’t really know WHAT: is the Boulder possessed by a ghost? Is it some kind of spirit guarding the mountains? Could it even be extraterrestrial in nature? We have no idea, and that - plus the music and visuals, and the menace this massive, tumbling rock provides - I think makes it worthy of a place on this countdown. It may not be traditionally spooky in the way the others on the list are, but it’s certainly unnerving in its own way.

1. Duncan Gets Spooked.

This is my second favorite episode of Season 5, and as far as spooky Thomas episodes of the classic era (and, really, ANY era) go…this one takes the cake. The story begins when a little engine named Peter Sam accidentally loses a train of Troublesome Trucks, who break away from him and derail off an old iron bridge, plunging into the swamps below. When another engine, Duncan, makes fun of Peter Sam, and suggests the ghosts of the trucks may come back to haunt him, Rusty decides to try and prove a point to Duncan by telling him a ghost story, about a little engine that derailed on the same bridge years ago. According to Rusty, the engine’s ghost still haunts the bridge, forever doomed to run the same loop of track…and never reach home. When Duncan remains unfazed, his crew and Peter Sam’s decide to collaborate on a scheme to scare him in revenge. This episode actually reminds me a little bit of one of my favorite creepy stories of all time, “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.” Just like with that story, you don’t even realize this one is a horror story at the start, and it uses its time wisely to build up to the scary moments. Also, like that one, what really makes this story great is the ambiguity of it: the ghost story Rusty tells remains one of the most memorable in the show because, unlike with other ghost trains we see in the series, we actually see the story play out. We see the engine in the legend die, effectively, right in front of us, and we see the spirit wandering around in the same sequence. We don’t know where Rusty got this story, either: if it’s one he made up, or one he heard from another source. We don’t even know if it’s a legend based in truth or not. Because of this, there’s this seed of doubt planted in the audience’s mind about the veracity of the story. On top of that, while we know Duncan and Peter Sam’s crews are plotting some trickery against Duncan, we don’t know all the details about how their plan works. As a result, when the haunting events happen, it’s hard to tell how much of what happens is the result of their scheme and the power of suggestion, how much of it is just Duncan’s mind playing tricks on him…and how much, if any of it, is real. That sense of the unknown, combined with the visuals and the music - arguably the most striking of any spooky story in the series - makes this one of the darkest and most memorably eerie in the franchise. “Rusty and the Boulder” may be my favorite of the season…but I see no reason not to name “Duncan Gets Spooked” as My Favorite Spooky Episode from Classic Thomas.

HONORABLE MENTIONS INCLUDE…

Stepney Gets Lost.

I decided not to include this Season 5 episode because, while it IS a very dark one in its own way, it isn’t typically spooky in the same way as others. There’s nothing supernatural indicated in this tale at all. Still, it’s a standout entry in its own right, and if any others want to include it, be my guest(s).

Bad Day at Castle Loch.

The resident “spooky episode” of Season 7. This one focuses on the Scottish Twin Engines, Donald & Douglas, and is inspired by the legend of the Loch Ness Monster. However, the spooky moments in this one are fairly quick and don’t come till near the end, so I didn’t think it deserved placement in the Top 5.

Thomas, Percy, and the Dragon.

The resident “spooky episode” of Season 3. Even as a kid, I never really found this one that scary, and much like “Scaredy Engines,” I think it goes more for comedy than outright horror. Still, it’s definitely a memorable story, and even got some fun merchandise back in the day!

[daydreamer999]

Eremophobia

Masterlist

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"Childhood friends are the stars in the constellations of our lives, even when one burns out, its light still reaches us." -Unknown

Chapter One: School's Out for Summer

It was finally the first week of June in 1989. The day all children (and teachers) have been waiting for. The end of school, and beginning of summer. It was a time for childhood memories to grow, and for a long awaited break from the mind-numbing cycle that was school. Everyone was looking towards to long days in the sun, swimming, ice cream and the Summer Fair in Derry.

Well... most were ready.

Lottie sat hunched over her desk, her mood having been the same since October. Her chest ached whenever she saw her best friend's empty chair that was next to her's, and she didn't have any motivation to make new friends. She mostly hung out with Billy and his friends, but really, it was more that she became Billy's shadow. As she made no ort to talk to any of the members of the Losers Club (as they so generously called themselves). She didn't give much effort in talking in general anymore.

Sure, she still made good grades, and she did all of her work, read every assignment and passed every test, But without Georgie, her days were just simply... Gray.

Lottie only confided in Billy, outside of her parents of course, he was the only one she made an effort in. Because she wasn't the only one who felt Georgie's loss that day. If anything Billy knew more than his own parents did about how she felt, because he felt the same. He felt guilty over what happened that day, blaming himself for not being there for Georgie... When all the blame was on Charlotte. She was the one that really abandoned Georgie that day, Billy was resting because he was sick, and her? She ran away when Georgie needed her most.

She hated the isolation she unwittingly subjected herself too, but she felt it was safer. Especially since more and more kids have gone missing since October. Some of her schoolmates, and some older. Charlotte didn't know what was going on, but she knew that Billy and his friends would be investigating it, and she would help as much as she could.

Her eyes glazed over as she stared at her plucky teacher who was in colorful clothes, "Alright, my lovelies! We have ten minutes beforethe final bell!" Ms. Dillard made an excited face as her classmates around her cheered in elation. Charlotte jumped slightly at the loud noise before huffing once more. She leaned heavily on the palm of her hand when Ms. Dillard asked, "Before we leave, who would like to share with the class what their exciting plans are for the Summer?"

Hands were in the hair before she even finished her sentence. Lottie's attention once again fizzled out, the words around her becoming muffled as she sat numbly in her desk.

Ms. Dillard pointed towards a boy tow rows away from Charlotte, "Yes, Michael, would you like to share?" The class collectively groaned, but listened with rapt attention as the young boy shared, "I'm gonna go visit my grandparents in New York! We're gonna go see the Statue of Liberty!"

Wow, that's so exciting! Who else would like to share?" Ms. Dillard pressed, and hands were in the air within seconds. The teacher chose a couple more students, each one bragging about what they would be doing, trying to one up the other.

"We're going to Costa Rica!"

"We'll be going to our summer home!"

"Were gonna go to Disneyland!"

Ms. Dillard nodded along to each child, a kind smile on her face, but it slightly fell when they finally landed on her only withdrawn student. Frowning, she looked over the pale girl who was a shell of the bubbly young lady she once was. It didn't escape the teacher's attention that Charlotte was staring at the empty desk next to her. Her face was blank, but a whole storm of torment was crashing within her blue irises. Pursing her lips, and interrupting the slew of voices trying to talk over each other, the young teacher said, "Charlotte."

Everyone stilled and turned towards the girl, who straightened once she heard her name. Lottie's eyes scanned her classmates before landing on her teacher who gave her a sympathetic smile, "What will you be doing this Summer?"

Charlotte once again shifted her gaze around the classroom, her body moving uncomfortably in her seat before they once again landed on the teacher. Her pale face revealed slight panic, but Ms. Dillard only prompted softly with an encouraging smile, "Go on."

Letting out a steady breath, Lottie licked her lips before saying, "I'm gonna help Billy and his friends find the missing children." The room went deathly silent, and the mood shifted into a somber one. The cloud of happiness and innocence was overshadowed by what loomed over all of Derry;

Fear.

Ms. Dillard brought a shaky hand up to tuck a loos tendril of hair behind her ear, "That's... very thoughtful of you Lottie."

Lottie didn't make another comment, just sunk deeper into her chair as her eyes drifted to the window where the sun filled the field and promised many hot days to ahead. No one said a word either. The only sounds were the scraping of chairs or squeaking of hinges as small bodies shifted away from the gloomy girl that was once so very bright.

Finally, mercifully, the last bell rang and swift feet made a mad dash towards the door and to the front of the school. Ms. Dillard held the door open, saying goodbye to each of her children, wishing them a great summer, the only one that was left was Lottie. Ms. Dillard watched the girl with a frown as said girl stood in front of Georgie's desk, just staring at it. Approaching the girl slowly, Ms. Dillard asked softly, "Lottie, are you okay?"

Soft sniffles were heard, as Lottie didn't answer her right away, but when she did, she turned towards her old teacher, her eyes brimming with tears as she admitted, "I don't wanna leave. This is the last thing I have left of him."

"Oh.. Honey..." Ms. Dillard crouched to the young girl's level and admitted, "Honey, I don't think this is healthy for you. You need to let him go. Georgie is gone." Lottie's eyes widened with hurt, causing Ms. Dillard to flinch and say delicately, "I'm not saying to forget him. But.. Realistically Georgie isn't a-"

"No, stop," the girl pulled back, looking at her in warning but Ms. Dillard tried to explain, "Charlotte listen to me-"

"No! I don't wanna! Everyone has given up on Georgie! But he isn't dead! Billy and I will find him and prove everyone wrong, you'll see!" Charlotte screamed as fat tears cascaded down her face.

"Lottie!" Ms. Dillard called out to her, standing up and turning to watch the blond girl run away and down the hall. Letting out a sigh, the young teacher rubbed a hand down her face tiredly, before grabbing her things and closing up her classroom for the summer.

Outside, Evelyn Bardot stood by her car, waiting for her child to come out of school. She watched with an adoring smile on her face as the other school kids came out in droves a couple minutes after the last bell rang out. Her blue eyes scanned the faces for her little girl, only becoming slightly worried when after the last of the kids wrangled out, she didn't see her. Straightening her posture, she made to go in towards the school, her heart leaping in her chest as Missing Children Posters popped in her mind. An influx of them have been coming into work lately, and it was her worst nightmare thinking one day, it could be her own little girl.

With heart racing, she took five strides to the school only to take a deep breath once she saw her little girl bounding towards her. Although her anxieties returned rather quickly when she saw the tears streaming down her face. She let out a soft huff when Charlotte came barreling into her waist, hugging her tightly, as Evelyn's breath escaped her slightly. Looking down at her daughter in confusion, she wrapped her arms around her lovingly as she asked, "Sweetheart what's wrong?"

Charlotte let out a strangled sob, her little eyes shut tight, and her blond brows furrowed. Humming softly, Evelyn did her best to sooth her daughter, "Hey honey, it's okay. Everything will be okay, I promise. Do you wanna go pick up Daddy sweetie?"

Her blue eyes sparkled as she looked up tearily at her mother, "Can we see Billy too Momma?"

Evelyn's mouth quirked up in a slight smile as she huffed a laugh, "Of course sweetie. Although, I'm sure Billy will wanna play with his friends today." Lottie only sniffled but nodded in affirmation that she heard and the two made their way inside the car.

~~🎈~~

Bill stood out by the trash cans with his three friends, Eddie, Stan, and Richie as they studied the tenth year English teacher, Mr. Bardot scolding his nephew. How it all started was the group talking about their plans for tomorrow when Henry Bowers and his band of bullies had come up to them from nowhere to torment them. Bill himself would have gotten a beating to make up for the semester off, but Mr. Bardot, (every girl's wet dream according to Richie) had swooped out of nowhere with a casual smile and cuffed the older teens neck. "Henry, and friends, just the pack of troublemakers I wanted to see!"

Henry glared up at his Uncle by marriage and smacked away the hand that was on his neck, "What do you want old man?"

Mr. Bardot laughed as if Henry didn't insult him as he started, "The Mrs. And I have some chores around our house if you and your friends would like to come and help with those. It will keep you out of trouble. And we're willing to pay for your time."

Henry scoffed, and his friends looked nervous but laughed with him as he mocked, "Why the hell would we do that?"

The blonde English teacher's face turned serious as he took a step closer, his eyes flicking over his shoulder causing Henry to look over and see his Dad staring at them as Mr. Bardot said quietly, "You and I both know why. I don't think you really want me to have to say it out loud do you?"

Henry shifted from one foot to the next, breaking eye contact with his father, before he begrudgingly nodded. Mr. Bardot's face once again split into a pleasant smile as he gestured towards the blue sports car as he said to the group of teen bullies, "Great, let me walk you to your car and then we can discuss the details of..." his voice trailing off the farther away they became from the Loser's Club.

The group of tweens' jaw dropped, and to Bill, Richie's statement really didn't seem so far off now. He never saw Mr. Bardot as anything but a kind nerdy man who had longer hair and loved to write books in his spare time. But it was clear that he had more strength than they gave him credit for if he could wrangle the meanest kids in Derry and act as if they weren't a threat. Sure they were just kids. But he was one man, and he had his back turned to them at the moment, as if he knew they wouldn't try anything, or as if he knew they could easily be subdued.

They watched as the blonde English teacher walked back to them, all easy smiles as he greeted Bill and his friends, "I apologize for my nephew on his behalf."

"I-it's okay. We're u-u-used to it," Bill stuttered out. Mr. Bardot pursed his lips into a this line. His brows furrowed as he took in the group of boys in front of him before he nodded and was about to say something else when his wife called out, "James!"

The Loser's club turned and saw a panicked dark haired woman walk brisquely towards the English teacher. She held a blonde child in her arms that Bill immediately recognized as Charlotte. His heart leapt to his throat but he kept a calm composure as he and his friends observed the Bardot Family meet together a little farther away from them.

"So.. anyone else find Mrs. Bardot hot?" Richie questioned his friend group causing them all to turn and look at him in disbelief. When he got no response he continued, "What? I'm just saying, I'd bang her, but Eddie's mom already keeps me pretty busy!" He chuckled darkly as if he didn't disgust his friends. All of whom glared at him and spoke in unison, "Beep, beep Richie."

It was quiet for only a few more moments before Richie's brows furrowed and his nose scrunched up to push his glasses farther up the bridge of it as he said, "So... Charlotte's parents are obviously hot. Do you think she'll grow up to be a babe?"

Bill scowled, "Sh-shut up R-R-Richie."

"Dude, I'm just saying, she's obsessed with you, maybe you should just marry her if she grows up hot." Richie stated as he shrugged.

Eddie's face twisted in disgust, "She just turned ten though Richie."

Richie groaned and rolled his eyes, "Obviously I'm not talking about now, damn Eddie. When they obviously grow up. She's jailbait right now."

"S-s-stop calling her tha-a-at," Bill stuttered angrily. Richie opened his mouth to retort but all eyes turned to the Bardot family when they heard Georgie's best friend call out, "Billy!" The group of four and her parents watched as Lottie had twisted out of her parents arms, slipping to the floor and ran towards Bill before tackling him in a hug much like she did earlier to her Mother. Bill had to step back a couple steps as he wasn't prepared to have his arms full of an emotional ten year old, but his big brother instincts kicked in rather quickly, and without much thought he held Lottie tightly. The little girl buried her face in his chest, and he could do nothing except softly brush her hair out of her face while he waited for her to calm down.

It was odd, but he couldn't help the thought that even with his friends and her parents watching, when it came to Lottie he could only care about her well being. Maybe it was because she's Georgie's best friend. Maybe it was because he always wanted a little sister. But whatever the reason, he always felt braver when she was by his side, like he knew he could do anything as long as she stayed safe.

When she calmed down enough he asked, "F-f-feeling better?"

Lottie had pulled away, her face red, flushed from embarrassment, but she still hugged onto Bill as she nodded. He gave her a lopsided smile as he questioned, "You w-w-wanna talk ab-bout it?"

Lottie sighed but admitted, "Just miss Georgie."

A sharp throb entered his chest as he winced but agreed, "I do too."

It was quiet for a moment, no one around them saying a word, before Lottie finally looked up as she pulled away enough to look up at Bill and to play with his fingers, "We're going to the Barrens tomorrow, right Billy?"

Billy gave her a goofy smile and a nod causing her to let out a sigh as she shot him a matching smile. With more excitement she exclaimed, "Don't forget to come over for dinner Billy, you promised."

Bill blushed and turned towards Trashmouth when said boy threw his arm around Bill's neck when he exclaimed, "Don't worry Lottie, you can count on Bill. He never forgets your dates!"

Bill could hear Mr. Bardot's long suffering sigh at Richie's wording as well as Mrs. Bardot's light chuckle before Eddie whispered to Richie, "Beep, beep Richie."

But Lottie seemed to only smile brightly at Richie and Bill before saying her goodbyes, and running back towards her parents. Bill making eye contact with Mr. Bardot's pointed stare before the family of three officially walked away from the four boys. Bill watched them enter their car, only turning away when Richie said, "Damn, Jailbait really does have you wrapped around her tiny fingers."

"Oh sh-sh-shut up Richie," Bill glared as a furious blush consumed his cheeks as he shoved his friend away from him.

>>

[b0nelessdoodles]

Art Summary 2023

shoutout to the one month were i drew fanart and then everything else was just dnd content again lmao (also shoutout to me being late to posting this haaaaa)

2023 wasn't the best year for me personally. between money problems and job searching, health issues, mental health issues, unintentional discomfort at my new job, and the overall issues of the world it just hasn't been great and I felt it heavily in my creativity. I never really had any creative highs this year outside of artfight (and even then i felt like i didn't do well) which only fed into some of the issues I was having.

But looking back I am really happy with most of what I made! Sure I didn't draw much but hey I think I popped off when I did!

So here is to 2024! Already off to a good start in the art department and even if I slow down at least I've had fun so far!

(i was gonna put me gushing about things in tags but its a lot so i'm doing a read more this post is already so damn long lmao i'm sorry)

okay i'm here to gush about two pieces at a time and their contents cause then make me happy to look at so lets get started on that with march and september 'cause hey! look at the relationship development of my little goblin guy!

march was when kk (tic's best friend and now boyfriend) first appeared to the rest of the party outside of just tic talking about him. literally the entire party could see that kk was in love with tic and was just like "oh buddy sorry about that" 'cause tic was a dumbass and romance was just never something he thought about until meeting the party. then we flash forward to september where the two confessed to each other after what really felt like the end of tic's story arc. at least it felt that way to me 'cause he reached his goal of killing groll and becoming the king of goblins but i know he still has shit to do I'M LOOKING AT YOU TRAVELLER AND RIP! but yeah that was the whole reason he left and it was done. he did it! but it almost cost him kk and the two ended up having a really important talk about it. kk chewed tic out and spilled his guts and i still think about it a lot holy shit it was so good omfg but it was in that moment that it clicked for tic. that if he had actually lost kk he had no idea what he would do, that he felt like his whole life would fall apart without him. and just man it was good wholesome content. congrats to the goblins for being the first canon relationship! (even tho they were not the first confession that one goes to rhami!)

now that that block of the text is out of the way we get to more depressing ones, those being january and october with my guy, dr. cecil wilfree.

its just.... man. what do i even say about him. january was probably the last moment before his life went into a full downward spiral, eventually leading into his demise. that piece isn't even anything major but rather something like a reminder going "hey, remember when wilfree had two normal eyes? good times!" and just man (-insert that image of a horse standing on the beach-) compare that to where he's at in october and knowing what happened in those 10 months? january he still had trust and hope, he believed that he was going to get back home and help river out with his plague, maybe even get aster home if she'd let them, maybe find a way to cure himself and help casey. but by the end there was no hope and he found out that he had been used, was nothing more than a tool for someone who he trusted, despite knowing that he really shouldn't have. river was dead and it was his fault (at least in his mind it was), he had failed to protect aster and traumatized both her and willow, and he could do nothing to save an entire population from being wiped off the face of the map. and he caved under the guilt. he gave up. its sad to see him alive and pissy in january and then look at december and see a shell of the same man, no more thoughts in that head as his mind got disconnected from his body and self.

and then for extra sads we've got december which was his birth month, so i drew something from a time before the campaign. back when he was alive and well, no soul curse and unknowing of the horrors yet to come, and receiving a gift from someone whose life he could soon destroy due to his own hubris.

anyway! pay no mind to may! i didn't draw a damn thing that whole month!

[rinnysega]

The last post kind of made me think about why I got into tarot in the first place, so I started studying again and found something that’s got me doing the 🥺 emoji. Under the cut is some journaling:

I underwent a severely triggering and stressful situation right on the tail end of recovering from another triggering event that happened the month prior which came on the tail end of a depressive spell. In short, my whole summer was a shitshow domino effect of one bad, triggering event right after the other just boom-boom-boom, and the last block that caused the whole Jenga tower to fall landed me right in the middle of having broken heart syndrome for about a week or two around the end of August/start of September.

September was a month where things turned around (I got a new job, I went on a vacation, I started working on the damages done to my mental health, did well in the hurricane which was an immense blessing etc) but I needed to get stable on my feet emotionally speaking if I was expected to metaphorically run again, so I got into tarot as a hobby after being recommended to do it by a friend. I bought my first deck the first week of October, and I’ve found that it pairs well with my meditations and spirituality. Every Sunday I do weekly readings for myself and I started collecting decks for my friends to do readings for them.

Something comforting to me recently in learning tarot is that “Fives are Temporary” meaning in the minor arcana the chaos of the Fives are temporary on the journey toward the Tens as long as we don’t remain stuck in their energy.

And the reason I’m posting this is because the last post I reblogged paired with the post I made earlier about Temperance got me studying again (The Fives specifically now) and I came across this:

Temperance XIV, another Five when its digits are reduced, attempts to find balance and offers healing between the influence of Death (unsettling change) and The Devil (domination and bondage) during times of trauma and change. Death seeks change and release, while The Devil deals in servitude and captivity. It can come down to a decision of staying with the old or moving with the new. Change can be actively avoided or eagerly embraced depending on which energy holds power. Death will seek change and release, while the Devil will hold on by his claws, resisting new ways of being or thinking. Temperance must find a way to strike a deal with both through personal empowerment and integrity. There is a time to change or rebel, and a time to conform and accept. Temperance understands the timing of both. Death and The Devil battle for supremacy. Under the ceremonial robes of The Hierophant, The Devil can lurk. He preaches of only one God, his God, he who must be obeyed. Those who lack the power to question and blindly follow may be unaware of whose true presence they stand in. Temperance will offer the voice of reason through moderation. Temperance does not jump fully into the lake, preferring to keep a balanced perspective on what is going on. There is no ‘all or nothing’ approach with Temperance. Temperance helps those who are heavily under the influence of The Hierophant understand there is more than one way, more than one fix for the situation, it may not be to the liking of others, or what is socially acceptable, but it may work for the individual. Somewhere in between lies the truth, not necessarily on one side or the other. It is not their way or the highway, but must be negotiated. It is Temperance who restrains both Death and The Devil from violently ripping through on their agenda. It will seek a softer approach by calming tempers and soothing the frayed nerves ignited by disruptive change and loss.

Mind blown. The fact that card keeps coming out for me in ways I described earlier is getting me in my emotions tonight in a good way. Everything happens for a reason, and closure or not, you will heal from wounds to move forward as long as you give yourself the strength to do it. And I’m fucking proud of myself!! I took some major hits back-to-back in a period of time I didn’t have any proper access yet to mental health resources due to health insurance bs, and I’ve been fucking thriving 🥳

And for the record, I don’t mean ill against these people, and I pretty much forgave them as soon as that Jenga tower fell down. We’re just humans on a rock, what can ya do?

But we’re humans that deserve Tens, not to be stuck in Fives 👏❤️

[jeffrey1010bce]

October 29th..4 days away from SAT.

Feeling mad confident on scoring high in the Reading and Writing, but I have to practice heavy on the Math section to get a permissible score atleast

I won’t say today was a bad day, I lowkey can’t recall but I guess I talked alot today, talked to dylan a little, hope for the best for him and his to be girlfriend. Had to get my reference for my characterization essay for AP Literature, guys had me doing 2 player games just to get a essay reference but it’s cool because we got it and finished both essays including the chart. The ending to Paul’s Case threw me off so weirdly, I didn’t actually expect him to throw away his life like that even after he got caught up but it is what it is, since he didn’t really find a purpose to continue living a life of lies. Also in Government, I lowkey heavily knew alot of that practice test, felt good to participate in things like that and get them right, its cool. But anyways, that one girl disappeared again brooo I actually pray that she comes back soon, personally I don’t know much about her but I think it’s more than just her “skipping”, I think its something deeper than that, possibly personal but, that is nothing I have to really dive my nose into. We maintain a benign state of mind. 2:53am but we chilling

[katebishopofearth]

Home [an our flag means death fanfic]

Fandom: Our Flag Means Death Relationships: Blackbonnet | Stede & Crew of the Revenge Characters: Stede | Ed | Crew of the Revenge Rating: G Other tags: found family | post-canon | Izzy Hands lives

|| Prompt from @kronosa113: domestic beach boys (my personal ship name for gentlebeard) welcoming the new Revenge crew to their inn (as is or finally completed) have been plaguing my mind since October ||

Home

It had been so quiet in their little house on the beach, that Stede had almost forgotten what it was like to be around his lively, rowdy crew all the time. As soon as they had fixed up the house into a respectably liveable, if somewhat homely, state, they had sent word to the Revenge, telling them they were welcome to visit anytime.

By the end of that week, the Revenge was docked in the deep waters of the nearby bay, and the crew tumbled off it, bearing fresh fruit from across the Caribbean and tales of their new adventures at sea. Captain Hands was the last to disembark, after personally seeing to it that everything was in order on board, just the way he liked. He and Ed had nodded at each other, communicating something without words the way only the two of them could. Then he turned to Stede and said, “Well, this lot’s your problem again.”

Stede gave a little chuckle, feeling almost like a divorced parent taking custody of the kids. “Not too much trouble, were they?”

Izzy smirks. “You know them. If they don’t find trouble, they make it themselves."

Stede chuckled at that. Some things never changed.

All afternoon, the normally quiet sanctuary of the house and the beach were filled with laughter and conversation. Roach immediately set up shop in the kitchen, unloading an impossible amount of fresh vegetables and herbs from a bag that looked way too small to possibly hold everything inside. “I’ve just gotten my hands on a new spice – they call it pa-pree-ka,” he declared proudly, holding up a little sack. “I’ve been saving it for an occasion like this one.”

Stede’s mouth watered at the peppery, spicy scent of the red powder in the little sack. “That smells divine, Roach.” He beamed. “Can’t wait to see what you cook up with it!”

There was a manic gleam in Roach’s eyes. “It’ll be a feast,“ he promised, all but licking his chops. “Now scram, get out of my kitchen.”

Knowing how Roach liked his space when cooking, Stede conceded his domain to him. He was almost immediately accosted by Lucius. He eagerly filled Stede in on all the gossip and drama he missed out, and Frenchie piped up with all the extra details Lucius managed to miss out. Stede let them direct him to a seat on the sofa, where he sank into its cushions and, through the window, saw Ed in conversation with Fang and Jim, the latter of whom was tossing their head back in a full-bellied laugh. With an eye on them, Stede let Lucius tell him all about last week’s pineapple fiasco.

--------

Roach did not fail to deliver. As the sun began to set, he served up an enormous pot of hearty soup that was coloured distinctly in the paprika’s warm hues, along with a tray of crusty garlic bread. Oluwande had gotten a fire going on the beach, where he and Ed grilled some fish – Ed’s catch heavily subsidised by contributions from Fang.

They ate sitting and chatting away on the beach, occasionally adding a few twigs and branches to the fire, so that by the time dusk draped its shawl over them, they had a good bonfire going. When the food was devoured – Stede had forgotten how quickly the crew could demolish an entire feast – they crowded round him and asked for a story.

Stede hardly needed any encouragement before he dropped his voice ever so slightly, taking on a storyteller’s timbre, and launched into a tale. “Odysseus had just survived a shipwreck and washed ashore on strange lands…" A hush fell over the chattering crew. They listened to Stede’s narration, with the ever-present whisper of the ocean behind them.

Stede had missed this – the rapt attention, the spellbound faces. Ed loved listening to his stories, but he was never shy about sharing his live reactions and was prone to taking them both on the wildest tangents. Telling a story to a group was a whole other exercise entirely. There was a kind of magic here, seeing how his words wove a spell around his crew just as Circe wove her spells around Odysseus and his men.

“After twenty long years at sea, Odysseus finally his sight on familiar shores. Ithaca. He was home at last.” Stede finished the night’s story, to the gathered crew’s collective awwws. Stede regarded his audience – Frenchie lying on his stomach with his guitar next to him, Pete’s head in Lucius’s lap, Jim, Oluwande and Archie cuddling in a pile. Next to Stede, Ed leaned back on his elbows, long legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles, looking up at him with the warmth of the bonfire flickering in his brown eyes. The sight of them all gathered together warmed Stede from the inside out in a way that he nothing and everything to do with the hearty soup that Roach cooked up for dinner. Yes – he was home indeed.

[continue reading on AO3]

[ladyloveroll]

♣️

lately the hate has been coming back. probably over the past few months. maybe its the holidays. maybe its my growing impatience.

but i had to do something to distract me back in october. and to see that it only got me three months is hard to take. i start my grad program next month and i am HANGING onto the hope that itll distract me long enough to stop feeling so much rage.

i hate it here. i truly fucking do. every quarter, this goddamn state government does something that pisses me off so bad that it validates my decision to move. except that— i also won’t go through the struggle again. im not going to move to chicago and feel the squeeze of not being able to afford to live there. coming from such a “low cost of living” state is hard for me to imagine i could have enough to even survive in chicago (and i have a good job!).

i push it all down. i increase the dosage of my antidepressants. i bury my mind in fandom. i stop looking at TWT because i cannot stand to see dead Palestinian children or their people be lined up in front of a firing squad. i can’t deal with it. i feel so much guilt for being able to block it. i feel like “well I SHOULD witness these atrocities and DO SOMETHING about them” and then fucking lankford puts out a letter with deep deep sympathies for israel. and i feel so hopeless and angry and one time i got the courage to call his desk even though his aid was probably just going to roll their eyes and then that same day i ran over something in the road because THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING ON I-40! and then lost the drive. (i did email all the offices, but i know emails are weaker than phone calls)

i try to look to luffy. it sounds so idiotic but i do. the whole point of OP is doing something that seems impossible and despite the haters and the obstacles /you still try/. you try so very fucking hard with all your heart.

but i am so tired of trying and i haven’t even called the fucking representatives. it feels cowardly. i know it is hopeless.

i apply it to getting myself through grad school and moving the fuck away from this place instead. selfish, i know, but the other route just is. not. working. so perhaps i need to change gears.

i hope i dont fall back into drinking heavily again. instead I just take edibles ALL DAY LONG to numb. To numb. how is that any better other than the obvious health consequences. shouldn’t I be in misery too alongside the people who cannot just “turn twitter off”? survivors guilt is STRONG. hopefully my distractions are stronger.