#but my uni uses a 7 point system so

[wateredlilies]

no photo bc it's 1 am but i need to do work and stuff so I'm starting a four week productivity challenge i suppose. I'm very burnt out. This is insane.

Day 1/28:

96(?) day duolingo streak

Did fifty minutes of highly focused work, a little bit more overall (~700 crappy words)

Ran through lines and am mostly off book

Had a nice evening with my friends so felt less like dying

ECA almost approved? Hey, at least it's been looked at

Planned meeting with convenor thank god

Read 2 chapters of blue lily, lily blue (wish i did more)

To do tomorrow:

Wash (and dry) clothes incl. theatre blacks (and A's jumper)

Meet N.B. about essay (this is going to be terrifying)

Off book (fr)

Dress run through in theatre blacks

3 chapters of BLLB

20 pages of Daemonologie (would be great to do more)

Solid biography paragraph for King James

Quote for A.D. i stg (i need money)

Make an actual challenge and plan

Don't die

Get job????

a gif for your troubles

[new-holocene]

ode to abandoned projects

normally i dedicate my public facing social media accounts solely to sharing my finished artwork, but I figure some reflection on the past few years of my development as an artist would be worthwhile. I was initially trying to find an old gmod map I made (I didn't find it), and in the process I found a number of screenshots of WIPs spanning the past 7 years. for many of these projects, they were abandoned because I got too busy with school/university.

from march 2017. made in unity. I don't remember the specifics of this project. I think I was trying to make a short narrative walking sim.

from december 2017. I wanted to make a short smw romhack. I remember drawing level designs on a spare piece of paper after finishing a secondary school exam early. one day I'll make a romhack, one day...

from may 2018. I had just replayed marble blast ultra after finding it had a PC port. shortly after I found all the textures were just in the game files and could be modified easily. myself and an old friend wanted to make a 'games repainted'-esque mod. I claim full credit for every marble game since that's included a 🤔marble skin.

from march 2020. a mockup of a piece I was calling 'alignment chart' for the first time I had ever applied for a bursary. this used a mixture of generative art pieces i made in processing and graphic design. this piece is interesting to look back on because it marked the development of my art style for the first time, and the psuedo-cuneiform generator ended up being a recurring feature of my art. my application was rejected because i did not read the terms and conditions to realise it wasn't open to university students - and I was still studying computer science at the time.

from may 2020. I was aiming to participate in the low res game jam but never got to finish due to university work taking up my time. I never fleshed out the mechanics of the game, but the goal was to take care of the tree in the center of the map. it doesn't look like much, but I really pushed myself (or rather, tortured myself) by not using a game engine and writing this in C++ with raylib instead.

from april 2020. this was going to be a browser based demake of five nights at freddy's (a game I've never played and have no interest in) titled "five years at yanderedev's". I figured that it felt too close to participating in lolcowing someone and that it was in bad spirits, so I scrapped it.

from september 2020. a mockup of my homepage sharpfourth.net. I kept the logo and general layout for whats on the site currently, but didn't include the scanner warped images.

from october 2020. I wanted to make a walking sim in the quake engine, but once again, university work got in the way. however, this got me familiar with the basics of using trenchbroom (a map editor for quake), which came in very, very handy for later projects.

from october 2021. myself and some close friends had planned to make a zine detailing how to do DIY feminising HRT in Ireland (and maybe the UK). we never got around to writing it (partly because we feared potential legal repercussions for disseminating medical advice lol), but this marked a further development of my art style.

from october 2021. I had hoped to make a first person RPG in godot. once again scrapped because I got too busy with uni. I spent ages trying to implement a wonky movement system that could be exploited, being inspired by bhopping from source or strafe jumping from quake. the dialogue system was the last thing I worked on. I used trenchbroom again - this time with qodot - for making the prototype map. while making this demo, I realised the potential use of godot and trenchbroom in visual art, something i would revisit during my first gallery residency.

from march 2022. this might be the most unassuming piece in this collection, but it marks a significant turning point in my life. I was tasked with making diagrams for a group project in uni, but given that I was facing extreme burnout and apathy towards the course, I instead "doodled" with the elements of the diagram. this spiraled into me writing my zine/short-story EATARTHU, which I then used to apply for a gallery residency. I was fortunate enough to get the residency, and I dropped out of college to pursue art.

as discouraging as it might be to constantly start and abandon projects, it's important to stop and remember that ever single abandoned game or drawing or album or whatever marked a chance for you to learn and develop as an artist. one day you might very well finish a project, and it'll reflect a bit of every single abandoned one of its precursors.

[megumi-fm]

26th to 30th Apr; doa🚲 complete!!

hi. gah. okay. here's my wrap up for the month

📝 prepped for and completed the last set of internal tests for this degree [2/2] (which I got through after much cribbing and whining and quite literally projecting study topics onto my blorbos 👍 ) 📝 started GRE prep!

🎓 got some gradecard related paperwork done 🎓 spoke to my prof regarding my internship deliverables for uni—report format, certificate requirements, etc etc

📥 I voted! it was the first central elections since I turned to an adult and the whole experience was quite interesting

💻 completed a bunch of tasks for my internship

💻 made like a super extensive flowchart about all the work done at my internship which took me like a total of 20+ hours T-T 💻 finished preparing my Uni Internship presentation! 💻 submitted the presentation to the assistant guide, waiting on her response to make changes atm

🍶 7+ glasses of daily water intake 🎵 svt's new single is out and I've been going insane about it and thus this challenge comes to an end... I had started this off as an 18day daily habit tracker but then it kind of grew out into a challenge for the month. Special thanks to Yumi the loml <3 (@thelastneuron) for starting the Days of April challenge (Yumi idk when you'll see this but i miss you and I hope you've been kicking ass during your hiatus). also massive thanks to Zip (@zipstidbits) for leaving the kindest comments/tags on my post during the past week and to Tanishka (@booksbluegurl) who is literally the sweetest and has been sending in asks and keeping me company during this challenge <3

there's a lot more i wanna yap about in regards to how the month went but I'll leave that under the tags xD goodnight besties <3

month end brainrot

april started off with dips and more dips but by the end of the month it feels like I've caught up. productivity is a wave so as long as I keep riding at it i'll be okay.

also. progress is cumulative. even the seemingly inconsequential completion of daily tasks has lead to an overall improvement through the week. things add up

I spent a lot of time this month (and moreso this past week) feeling dejected that I've been leaving my tracker posts (and my digital planner entries) incomplete... but like. the whole point of trackers and planners (and this studyblr) is to get work done. work is the priority and the tracking is a means to an end. so if im getting work done that is already a win. yeah... i've had to keep reminding myself that

there is no one-tool-fix for tracking and journalling. what works for planning out one task will not work for the other. I need to strop trying to fit all my plans into one formulaic strategy box

on that note. it's time to return to handwritten journaling. digital journalling (notion + YPT + discord + tumblr) was fun while it lasted <3 but my brain needs novelty again so it's time i switch back. I think I finally have an idea for a system that could be sustainable for me... although I say that every time I switch to a new form of tracking. but hey. as long as it helps me get work done for whatever duration of time, it's good enough

using kpop and kdrama references to make notes and study really paid off. ngl I only did it cause I was super desperate but incorporating stuff I couldn't understand with a topic I really like paid off. It also gave me the motivation and momentum to study for much longer than I otherwise would have

last but not least. my water intake has been really good this month! I've also been eating healthy and I've been cooking more my phone usage has also been reduced by a lot. sure none of them have had a perfect streak but i started at zero and it feels like I've levelled up quite a bit. the exercise component has been a bit difficult to maintain given my workload :/ i need to figure out what to do about that...

yep. that's it for now. this month really tired me out, I think im gonna lay off daily challenges for a while. For now I guess I'll stick to my (bi?tri?)weekly tracker posts xD

[cacaesar]

is it ok if i ask what a-levels you did to study classics at oxford? or what was your academic journey in general thx

Heya!! Of course it is! And thank you for the ask! I'll start with A-Levels and GCSEs (the ones I did, and the grades I got), and then I'll probably yap about how I came to studying classics/Oxford in the first place, and how school was for me (not easy, let's put it that way!) A-Levels: Biology - A Classical Civilisation - A Law - A Extended Project Qualification - A* (My EPQ was on Homosexuality in Ancient Greece and was 12,000 words... I really put everything into it lmao!) GCSEs: English Language - 8 English Literature - 8 Biology - 8 Chemistry - 8 Religious Studies - 8 Maths - 7 Geography - 7 History - 6 (first paper sat the day after a funeral lmao) Fine Art - 6 French - 6 Physics - 6 (we didn't really have a teacher for nearly 2 years...)

So...not the most impressive grades when you compare it to the straight 9's and A*s of people I got my place over! There are a couple of things to contextualise some of the grades - in that we unfortunately lost my grandad in the middle of GCSEs (and so my mum had to be away at hospital a lot, meaning I was cooking and caring for myself for the most part), and then for A-Levels I was in the Covid years (sat them in 2021). Our college decided it was a really good idea to make students sit full A-Level papers at the end of the year and have our entire grade depend on those, despite not having provided online lessons for a large part of the 10 or so months we were out of education; even when we were "back", the amount of absence through isolation etc was insane. Making us sit full papers when other colleges took grades over the whole year was, imo, deeply unfair...but anyway. I also unfortunately lost my nan and nearly lost my mum to Covid during the run up to those papers... all while working 20 hour minimum weeks - so it was more than a little stressful! On top. of that, I'm also AuDHD (Autistic and ADHD), but was undiagnosed until Uni... which meant I was flailing about desperately trying to succeed in a system very much not built for a brain like mine! The relief that came when Oxford finally gave me an answer to what was going on with me was immeasurable! But how and why did I get my spot in the first place? I've been obsessed with ancient cultures and history/mythology since I was tiny, and that basically just became a bigger and bigger obsession. My honest answer is that I got my place through a hell of a lot of hard work, a touch of luck, and blind unashamed confidence. If you sit in the interview thinking that you're supposed to be there, that these tutors will be the ones teaching you, and you're wanting to learn from them, there is not much you can do wrong! I did a LOT of research into my specific college - I wanted to study Homer's epics, so I chose the college with my favourite Homer and Hexameter Poetry specialist! And what would you know, genuinely loving that subject and yapping his ear off about my (informed and evidenced) opinions of Achilles and his characterisation (why he's actually a deeply sympathetic character, especially through the ancient lens, how he's the prime example of war trauma on a young person, etc) is what got me in!

I think I'll probably do a full post on education history at some point - and a series on applying to Oxford - but if you have any more questions, lmk! There should be a video on my TikTok covering some of the Oxford basics, though it might be quite the scroll down now! (gotta hit that 10k over there to make you guys playlists of the vids!) For now I'm on the way to london for a girlies getaway trip!

[glossticcs]

~ reasons to keep ⭐️ving during summer

intro-

if you're like me and not yet at your ugw/gw now that it's almost summer vacation, you might feel a bit unmotivated right now. i've caught myself feeling a bit unmotivated as i feel like i've already lost and that i'm going to miss out on summer anyway, since i'm not thin-

enough yet. in this post i'm going to try to prove myself wrong and give reasons as to why we/i need to lock in and stay on the grind

disclaimer:

this is obv for edtmblr. it's also more relevant if you're currently in school or uni. also, i am aware that a lot of this is pretty unrealistic but delulu is the solulu (k!ll me now)

1.glow up

this might be the most obvious reason. imagine coming back to school/uni and finally having reached your ugw. being able to wear whatever you want to school and feel pretty, the look on peoples faces when they see you again, and how drastically different you look.

2. brain fog

now, this might not be relevant to everyone be you might have summer school, a different education system or not go to school at all, BUT regardless.i am a very ambitious student and will often catch myself giving myself some slack while studying or at school, -

letting myself eat smth to stay sharp. during summer i won't be studying as much, meaning that reason to eat can be discarded all together. brain fog ultimately won't be as big of an issue, or won't have as big consequences at least.

3.reset

implementing new, healthy habits takes time. i view summer break as a kind of pause (granted, i will be working almost every day) where i can focus more on myself and getting used to a new, healthier way of living. i can put more energy into this, since i won't have to

focus as much on studying etc. when school inevitably starts again these habits will be much more implemented into my lifestyle and i can live more comfortably, not having to focus on changing my way of living all the time.

4.autumn

i am definitely an autumn girly, i love autumn so much. imagining myself being thin during autumn, drinking black coffee in a café while studying and watching gilmore girls is rly motivating. if i work hard now, i can have reached my ugw in time for autumn.

5.halloween

this kind of ties into my previous point, but during halloween i will be able to wear any costume and look good in it

6.summer is long

this depends on your geographical location, but if you're european like me, it is relevant. it is only the very beginning of june. if you work hard now, you could be thinner by august and still enjoy a few months of summer being more confident in a slimmer body

7.⭐️ving in summer

where i live it's basically cold all the time.'

ving when it's warm out is so much nicer than doing so

when the asphalt is thick with snow and frost, or it's raining and dark out 24/7. really savour the warm weather and all the light and fresh summer foods.

the end:

i hope this makes sense to someone else and not just me :)

[cerasus--flores]

u should do all the weirder asks cause it'd make me smile

doing the ones i didn't already do !!!

2- lighter or matches?

matches, they're kinder on my fingers

4- which cryptyd being do you believe in?

i can't point towards one in particular..... i'm sorry :(

7- why did you do that?

it was fun. it made me feel alive.

8- how many water bottles are in your room right now?

only the one i take to uni

10- would you slaughter the rich?

happily!

13- when was the last time you ate?

like an hour ago lol

14- do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

absolutely, it makes me happy

15- are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

nope.

16- can you drive?

nope again!

17- are you farsighted or nearsighted?

neither???

18- what hair products do you use?

just. shampoo and conditioner. i keep it short so

19- imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

i'd try but i can't guarantee prettiness

20- do you say soda or pop?

pop cause of you canadians lol

21- something you’ve kept since childhood?

insecurities and a porcelain doll w a music box inside

22- what type of person are you?

i wish i knew.

24- if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

rn? napping probably.

25- perfume/body spray or lotion?

uh. perfume?? easier to apply

26- a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

people playing avpm,,,,,,

28- do you wear a mask?

not physically

29- how do you like your shower water?

not scaling but very hot and steamy

30- is there dishes in your room?

no !!!

32- do you have a favorite towel?

my microfiber one

33- the last adventure you’ve been on?

i... don't... know?

34- is there a song you know every word to by heart?

off the top of my head it's friends on the other side but like. many. on account of having performed them.

35- what’s your timezone?

gmt +3 !!!

36- how many times have you changed your url?

only once >:D

37- someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

my school ex classmates

39- do you use lip balm?

now that it's winter, yeah. dry ass lip season.

40- did you have any snacks today?

yeah a couple tangerine pieces lol

41- how do you take your coffee?

90% milk, two teaspoons of sugar, and SOMETIMES w a lil chocolate

42- an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

much like every gen z in argentina rn i'm p hooked on tsuki's odyssey

43- what’s your take on spicy foods?

very good. too good for me.

44- you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

one person is too little for systemic change, so i can't tell you.

45- can you remember what happened yesterday?

sorrrrrrta?

46- favorite holiday film?

i don't really watch holiday films,,,,,

47- what was the last message you sent?

either "yes, darling?" or "just fresh" disc says they were sent at the same time lol

48- when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

around ten when i mistook beer for apple juice. willfully? at around 15. baileys :3

50- can i tag you in random stuff?

you already do but yesssssssss

[to-the-moon-and-never-be-back]

1.12.23

i just have to write this real quick

so life's kind of spiraling at the moment. surprisingly not my way of thinking but life in general. so it's currently finals week in my uni and there's just a lot going on.

i have that incident with my prof that i've got no idea what the progress is but our department chair have yet to talk to me about it so im just putting it on the back of my list.

im currently sick with flu? i guess so i didn't go to school today and i will just be taking the exam i was supposed to take today on Monday. and don't even get me started on that subject itself. we're all failing, some more so than others. im scared for myself and for my classmates and close friends. a lot didn't even made it to a grade where they can take a removal exam so that they can still have a passing grade. and im scared albeit, my scores looks better than others, its still not something that im proud of.

i understand that this subject was really hard, and the pointing system is quite harsh even though i love my professor and that she's considerate in terms of her own time and stuff but i also know that i could have done better but i also understand that i wasn't doing well at the last few months of 2023 emotionally and mentally. but now im having trouble catching up since there's so much to study for it.

god im so scared and so overwhelmed with emotions regarding this subject and idk. i know it's a far cry but still im so close to the edge of failure and i just cant do that. i can't fucking fail cause then i'll really have to transfer to another school and that'll be another 4 years and then i'll be in college for a bachelor's degree for a total of 7 years and then i'll be a total complete fucking failure. even with all the progress i've made emotionally speaking, i do not know how i will tolerate myself if i have to finish a bachelor's degree for 7 years in total. and there's no assurance even that it'll only be just 7 years. and i am just scared. even though if you've look at the past few years that the reason of my extended period of time in college isn't even because i failed but just because i shifted but damn, i feel like such a failure.

i found myself last night struggling with self harm and it was scary. i haven't had much though about it but you can say i was kind of triggered by something i was watching. it was s random just a protagonist getting injured but all night long i was thinking of it. of being injured. it wasn't really like how it usually goes like ill have some bad thought usually about myself and then ill harm myself for lots of reason. this time i just wanted to do it, i think it was more of a bodily reaction or an impulsive thought made stronger by the fact that i used to do it before whenever im in crisis and there seems to be lots of problems coming my way this week?

[daevite]

For the autism asks: multiples of 7

sorry for late response aaaa

7. Do you find it hard to make friends?

yeah tbh. even w/ the friends i have made going back to school they are not like...people i spend a significant amount of time with or have frequent conversations with + they usually came to me in some sense rather than me coming to them + they're usually also autistic and/or have adhd so we kinda vibe (though there are some autistic people i've met who i really clash wish) + a lot of them i don't feel especially emotionally connected to i'm still fumbling around in the dark when it comes to genuine connections with others

14. Are you currently in school?

yeah - i'm attending a uni to get a BFA in digital arts! and i'm very happy i made that decision because it has drastically changed my life for the better (the social aspect/experiences more than the education part. maybe that seems to contradict the above on its face but i have much more of something approaching a social life now than i've ever had before even if i still feel like i struggle with socializing.)

21. How open are you usually when it comes to being autistic?

i'll sometimes drop jokes or hints about it if it's at least semi-relevant (e.g. a coworker the other day jokingly called me 'ocd' since i seemed to have a strict system of organization to how i do things at work but i told him i was autistic - he wasn't exactly joking because he apparently though i said i had ocd at one point??) but that probably goes over the head of people who aren't like autistic themselves or sensible about the matter since allistic people have basically turned things amounting to "i'm autistic" into a meme phrase. if i meet someone and they share that they're autistic or that they think they're autistic i'm usually upfront about it at that point.

28. How long do your special interests usually last for?

the way i personally conceptualize "special interests" is something that'll probably stick around for the foreseeable future, whereas something like a "hyperfixation" is a brief obsession that might sometimes re-occur in "episodes" if it's "triggered" again (not the bets terminology but the best i can come up with.) the latter usually happens with media properties and doesn't really revolve around me collecting and sufficiently absorbing information. i would say that like abnormal psychology (specifically, like, mental disorders - especially those related to trauma or specifically complex/chronic trauma) have been one of those persistent interests that i store a lot of information and can recall pretty easily + one i still engage in to this day. the special interest stuff doesn't occur "episodically." i can rattle off facts about a lot of psych stuff all day but i seldom ever want to have an extended conversation about like dragon age or mass effect or fe3h because those are more "hyperfixation"-like where the interest can be "re-activated" but it's not as accessible to me as a special interest.

35. Have you ever used a weighted blanket?

nooo but i would love to have one...pressure stimmy good.

42. Tell us something about your special interest.

this sent me digging to find the paper again but i can't forget this one bit that i thought was pretty interesting: expressions of rage or other strong affect associated with what we understand as borderline personality disorder are primarily externally-directed (e.g. angry episodes due to "splitting" in the bpd sense where one might lash out against an attachment figure/"favorite person") while expressions of rage or other strong affect associated with what we understand as complex dissociative disorders are primarily internally-directed (e.g. internal reenactments of trauma by persecutory parts of the self, and even in the case of external reenactments, said external reenactments are usually self-directed.) i find this whole paper personally important because it helps me understand myself and my relationship to borderline personality disorder as a diagnosis better (as in it explains why bpd is not a helpful framework with which to understand many of my personal mental experiences irt my identity issues and dissociation.)

48. What is your favorite special interest related item you own? Show it to us if you want.

incidentally it might be "coping with trauma related dissociation" or "the coping book." most of the psych-related books i own are in the vein of self-help (like the complex ptsd workbook, dbt workbook, etc.) rather than based around research, though i read like eBook downloads of some more research-oriented ones like "the haunted self" for example.

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

[leafbatraccoon]

monday's child legacy challenge

judging by the influx of addams on the gallery lately, by now i'm sure ~everyone~ has seen the new WEDNESDAY series.. i loved seeing all the creations, be it households, builds or cc - but what i was inspired to do was create my first game challenge; it's not particularly inspiring and i'm unsure if it's doable at all, i suspect i'm mostly putting it on proverbial paper to direct this nursery rhyme somewhere concrete, since it insists on lingering in my mind

i know in the ocean of challenges there is a days-of-the-week challenge already but i don't think their similiar, feel free to check for yourself

i considered making GEN 1:MONDAY > GEN2:MONDAY'S-CHILD/TUESDAY and so on, to extend it to one more generation, but prefered to keep it faithful to it's origins instead

s o   w i t h o u t   f u r t h e r   a d o....

⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️

RULES standart legacy rules apply; play in extreme if you'd like succession laws: gender - strict equality preferences and trait discovery: spin wheel for yes or no

NOTES this hasn't been play tested - yet ; so for now I sugest playing at the normal or long time span - change it with mccc if you'd like, the goal is to have fun, even tho it's a challenge i really have no concept of how doable it was designed to be since i usually drag out my sims lifes for pretty long

REQUIREMENTS Spa Day | Parenthood | Seasons | Island Living | Discover Uni | Snowy Escape | High School Years

SUGESTED MODS more traits in cas chingyu traits {100-traits, seasons-traits} & holiday tradition override {for said traits} kuttoe traits & PIZZA PREFERENCE :D {the pizza is just me missing favourite dishes} more odd jobs I use simrealist's SNB mod that overhauls the bill system but I've heard lot 51 also has some mods that bring more realism to services like plumbing & internet; I haven't tried them because I'm afraid they'd conflict I also love love love lumpinou's relationship and pregnancy overhaul, check it out !!

⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️

GEN 1 | MONDAY "monday's child is fair of face" self-assured + family-oriented {chingyu's pretty trait if you have this mod} aspiration: soulmate reach level 7 in any career max out cooking skill + complete 2 collections at some point be a part of coffe fanatic OR health food nut lifestyle

GEN 2 | TUESDAY "tuesday's child is full of grace" proper + loyal max out manners + conflict resolution values close nit lifestyle {adhere to and maintain} maintain a good rep {if you have Get Famous}

GEN 3 | WEDNESDAY "wednesday's child is full of woe" gloomy + loner or socially awkward aspirtation: inner peace self-employed artist

GEN 4 | THURSDAY "thurday's child has far to go" perfectionist + overachiever complete 5 aspirations {1 in childhood, 1 as a teen, 1 as YA - must relate to uni, 2 after that - one of which must be big happy family OR successful lineage}

GEN 5 | FRIDAY "friday's child is loving and giving" good + romantic voluteering {5x if playing short life span, otherwise once per season} max out empathy value / achieve compassionate trait have {at least} 2 children, maintain a positive relationship with them

GEN 6 | SATURDAY "saturday's child works hard for a living" ambitious + materialistic aspiration: fortune {pick one} workaholic lifestyle {adhere to and maintain} achieve 3+ stars in odd jobs

GEN 7 | SUNDAY "and the child born on the sabbath day is bonny and blithe, good and gay" cheerful + non-commital people person lifestyle {adhere to and maintain} max out charisma skill + achieve level 5 in 5 creative skills {3 if playing short lifespan}

[adhdarcheologist]

Tools, Games and Apps

So it’s been a minute since I posted an actual post but I’ve found a moment to use my brain away from thesis work. I figured it might be nice to do a small post about some of the tools that help me get through my school work. Sometimes your brain is a puddle of neutrons and you need a little help to get work done, these are great for those times and in general. It’s definitely not exhaustive but these are some of my go to apps/ tools to help my long suffering brain get through uni work.

Reading > Voice dream > Natural reader

Voice to text readers and audiobooks are genuinely so helpful for me in my degree. Archeology involves allot of reading and if you struggle with it, academia gets real hard real fast. Personally I use Voice Dream for most of my reading. You can just download the app on your phone and use it with any e-text. The great thing about this app in particular is that is has a built in OCR so it can read scanned documents which is the bane of everyone who uses a voice reader’s existence. This way I can listen to the texts I need to read while doing other things. Ideally you can do things around the house or take a walk but truly I tend to play Minecraft. It’s engaging enough to keep me interested but not so much that I stop listening to the reading, 10/10 would recommend. Other games like Stardew Valley or Sims can even be good, honestly it’s up to your brain and what works for you.

SIDE NOTE: If you can I recommend getting some premium voices because the free ones get grating after not too long. My personal favourites are Brian or Tyler, however at one point I did use a sprat voice for each subject to kind of organize them in my brain.

Note taking > Bear > Evernote > Obsidian > Stimuwrite

If you’re taking note for anything be that class, readings, personal thoughts, essays etc. it’s good to have a note taking system that works for you. My personal favourite is Bear and I’ve been using it for years. It lets me organize and file everything well under tags and you can customize it to look how you want. If you want premium it’s pretty cheap however you can still absolutely use the free version no problem.  Everyone has a preference but really the goal it to get something that lets you stay organized and doesn’t hinder your writing process.

SIDE NOTE: I added Stimuwrite here because it’s an interesting concept, having a note taking app made directly for ADHD.

Thought/ project organization > Miro: mind mapping > Trello

I know mind mapping is kind of a cliché but honestly sometimes it does help (just don’t let my gr.7 teachers know). Personally I like Miro but you can use anything that works for you. Another thing I use it for is actually to make Harris Matrises, it makes it easy to organize it all. Trello is basically an online workspace where you can organize and manage projects you’re working on, kind of like a virtual board full of sticky notes. 

Pomodoro > Virtual cottage

The Pomodoro technique can be really useful and I know allot of people who like using it. I admit that it doesn’t work for me all the time but when it does I really like using virtual cottage to do it. The game is available on steam for free and basically creates a cozy little atmosphere for you to study/work to. With a cute little scene that changes with actual the time and the weather that you pick it gives you a little low playlist to work to. You can set a timer and name what it is you’re doing and genuinely I just love the cozy vibes. It’s definitely not the only game out there for Pomodoro so I encourage anyone who’s interested to look around and find one that works for them. There are also YouTube videos that do the same thing or in a pinch just a timer.

[rainbowrider1290]

Immediate Burnout Tips

We are reaching midterm season and while it'd be amazing to just "take some time off to rest", sometimes we're not in a position to do that so here's what's worked for me so far to pilot the mental plane to safety while it's crashing and burning:

1. Don't Think About It

The second you think about the stuff you have to do your brain gets the opportunity to go "but like. i don't wanna". If it's not an immediate concern do your best to think about literally anything else.

2. Just Start It

This is a popular one but even if it's just (in the context of school) opening the document and putting your name on it and getting a singular line under each heading, it'll be easier to either keep going, or start next time if that drains you (which it did for me at one point). The only thing you have to concern yourself with is starting, not finishing.

One line per day is better than planning to write it all in one day and hating yourself for not having enough gas in the tank to do it.

3. Break Things Down

This seems like such an obvious one, but overachiever pride didn't let me even acknowledge this until way later. Do you have a test in two weeks? Instead of reviewing all of your notes every single day, review like. one section per day. Paper due in a month? Write three sentences per day. Start with the easiest section. To all my overachievers, there is no award for always doing things the hard way.

4. Structure Yourself

In uni especially, there's very little structure, and I find that taking my to-do list apart and cherry-picking just a few of them gives me clear instructions on what to expect.

5. Punch Overachiever's Pride Right In The Face

Idk if it's like this for other people, but one thing that always plagued me was the thought that I "should be better than this". I wasn't. And I didn't lose any Smart Points for that. The only badge I got from that mentality was a red ribbon that says "congratulations, you are resentful, anxious, and depressed, and you smiled through it so no one knew anything was wrong"

6. There's Nothing Wrong With Starting On The Easy Stuff

There's nothing wrong with starting on the easy stuff. There's nothing wrong with starting on the easy stuff. T H E R E ' S N O T H I N G W R O N G W I T H S T A R T I N G O N T H E E A S Y S T U F F.

7. A glass of water, try a hobby that doesn't use a screen, get a singular fruit into your system, and/or do aNYTHING physical that gets your heart rate up by one bpm.

(big thanks to @nomeimporta32 for getting me through my own bouts of burnout)

8. Take Meaningful Breaks

Leave the room, change positions, something to tell your brain that you're shifting gears and not to think about schoolwork. Just switching tabs on your computer and not moving only makes your breaks feel like they're part of the to-do list.

9. Give Yourself A Stopping Point

Even people working a full-time job leave at some point. Studentship is a full-time job. "I am going to do x-thing-that-makes-me-happy for one hour before going to bed and no one is going to stop me".

10. Be Patient.

Your emotions aren't logical, but they hold power over what you can do. Feeling burned out doesn't make you any less hardworking.

[niseamstories]

10 Lessons on Realistic Worldbuilding and Mapmaking I Learned Working With a Professional Cartographer and Geodesist

Hi, fellow writers and worldbuilders,

It’s been over a year since my post on realistic swordfighting, and I figured it’s time for another one. I’m guessing the topic is a little less “sexy”, but I’d find this useful as a writer, so here goes: 10 things I learned about realistic worldbuilding and mapmaking while writing my novel.

I’ve always been a sucker for pretty maps, so when I started on my novel, I hired an artist quite early to create a map for me. It was beautiful, but a few things always bothered me, even though I couldn’t put a finger on it. A year later, I met an old friend of mine, who currently does his Ph.D. in cartography and geodesy, the science of measuring the earth. When the conversation shifted to the novel, I showed him the map and asked for his opinion, and he (respectfully) pointed out that it has an awful lot of issues from a realism perspective.

First off, I’m aware that fiction is fiction, and it’s not always about realism; there are plenty of beautiful maps out there (and my old one was one of them) that are a bit fantastical and unrealistic, and that’s all right. Still, considering the lengths I went to ensure realism for other aspects of my worldbuilding, it felt weird to me to simply ignore these discrepancies. With a heavy heart, I scrapped the old map and started over, this time working in tandem with a professional artist, my cartographer friend, and a linguist. Six months later, I’m not only very happy with the new map, but I also learned a lot of things about geography and coherent worldbuilding, which made my universe a lot more realistic.

1)  Realism Has an Effect: While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with creating an unrealistic world, realism does affect the plausibility of a world. Even if the vast majority of us probably know little about geography, our brains subconsciously notice discrepancies; we simply get this sense that something isn’t quite right, even if we don’t notice or can’t put our finger on it. In other words, if, for some miraculous reason, an evergreen forest borders on a desert in your novel, it will probably help immersion if you at least explain why this is, no matter how simple.

2)  Climate Zones: According to my friend, a cardinal sin in fantasy maps are nonsensical climate zones. A single continent contains hot deserts, forests, and glaciers, and you can get through it all in a single day. This is particularly noticeable in video games, where this is often done to offer visual variety (Enderal, the game I wrote, is very guilty of this). If you aim for realism, run your worldbuilding by someone with a basic grasp of geography and geology, or at least try to match it to real-life examples.

3)  Avoid Island Continent Worlds: Another issue that is quite common in fictional worlds is what I would call the “island continents”: a world that is made up of island-like continents surrounded by vast bodies of water. As lovely and romantic as the idea of those distant and secluded worlds may be, it’s deeply unrealistic. Unless your world was shaped by geological forces that differ substantially from Earth’s, it was probably at one point a single landmass that split up into fragmented landmasses separated by waters. Take a look at a proper map of our world: the vast majority of continents could theoretically be reached by foot and relatively manageable sea passages. If it weren’t so, countries such as Australia could have never been colonized – you can’t cross an entire ocean on a raft.

4)  Logical City Placement: My novel is set in a Polynesian-inspired tropical archipelago; in the early drafts of the book and on my first map, Uunili, the nation’s capital, stretched along the entire western coast of the main island. This is absurd. Not only because this city would have been laughably big, but also because building a settlement along an unprotected coastline is the dumbest thing you could do considering it directly exposes it to storms, floods, and, in my case, monsoons. Unless there’s a logical reason to do otherwise, always place your coastal settlements in bays or fjords.

 Naturally, this extends to city placement in general. If you want realism and coherence, don’t place a city in the middle of a godforsaken wasteland or a swamp just because it’s cool. There needs to be a reason. For example, the wasteland city could have started out as a mining town around a vast mineral deposit, and the swamp town might have a trading post along a vital trade route connecting two nations.

 5)  Realistic Settlement Sizes: As I’ve mentioned before, my capital Uunili originally extended across the entire western coast. Considering Uunili is roughly two thirds the size of Hawaii  the old visuals would have made it twice the size of Mexico City. An easy way to avoid this is to draw the map using a scale and stick to it religiously. For my map, we decided to represent cities and townships with symbols alone.

 6)  Realistic Megacities: Uunili has a population of about 450,000 people. For a city in a Middle Ages-inspired era, this is humongous. While this isn’t an issue, per se (at its height, ancient Alexandria had a population of about 300,000), a city of that size creates its own set of challenges: you’ll need a complex sewage system (to minimize disease spreading like wildfire) and strong agriculture in the surrounding areas to keep the population fed. Also, only a small part of such a megacity would be enclosed within fantasy’s ever-so-present colossal city walls; the majority of citizens would probably concentrate in an enormous urban sprawl in the surrounding areas. To give you a pointer, with a population of about 50,000, Cologne was Germany’s biggest metropolis for most of the Middle Ages. I’ll say it again: it’s fine to disregard realism for coolness in this case, but at least taking these things into consideration will not only give your world more texture but might even provide you with some interesting plot points.

 7)  World Origin: This point can be summed up in a single question: why is your world the way it is? If your novel is set in an archipelago like mine is, are the islands of volcanic origin? Did they use to be a single landmass that got flooded with the years? Do the inhabitants of your country know about this? Were there any natural disasters to speak of? Yes, not all of this may be relevant to the story, and the story should take priority over lore, but just like with my previous point, it will make your world more immersive.

 8)  Maps: Think Purpose! Every map in history had a purpose. Before you start on your map, think about what yours might have been. Was it a map people actually used for navigation? If so, clarity should be paramount. This means little to no distracting ornamentation, a legible font, and a strict focus on relevant information. For example, a map used chiefly for military purposes would naturally highlight different information than a trade map. For my novel, we ultimately decided on a “show-off map” drawn for the Blue Island Coalition, a powerful political entity in the archipelago (depending on your world’s technology level, maps were actually scarce and valuable). Also, think about which technique your in-universe cartographer used to draw your in-universe map. Has copperplate engraving already been invented in your fictional universe? If not, your map shouldn’t use that aesthetic.

9)  Maps: Less Is More. If a spot or an area on a map contains no relevant information, it can (and should) stay blank so that the reader’s attention naturally shifts to the critical information. Think of it this way: if your nav system tells you to follow a highway for 500 miles, that’s the information you’ll get, and not “in 100 meters, you’ll drive past a little petrol station on the left, and, oh, did I tell you about that accident that took place here ten years ago?” Traditional maps follow the same principle: if there’s a road leading a two day’s march through a desolate desert, a black line over a blank white ground is entirely sufficient to convey that information.

10) Settlement and Landmark Names: This point will be a bit of a tangent, but it’s still relevant. I worked with a linguist to create a fully functional language for my novel, and one of the things he criticized about my early drafts were the names of my cities. It’s embarrassing when I think about it now, but I really didn’t pay that much attention to how I named my cities; I wanted it to sound good, and that was it. Again: if realism is your goal, that’s a big mistake. Like Point 5, we went back to the drawing board and dove into the archipelago’s history and established naming conventions. In my novel, for example, the islands were inhabited by indigenes called the Makehu before the colonization four hundred years before the events of the story; as it’s usually the case, all settlements and islands had purely descriptive names back then. For example, the main island was called Uni e Li, which translates as “Mighty Hill,” a reference to the vast mountain ranges in the south and north; townships followed the same example (e.g., Tamakaha meaning “Coarse Sands”). When the colonizers arrived, they adopted the Makehu names and adapted them into their own language, changing the accented, long vowels to double vowels: Uni e Li became “Uunili,” Lehō e Āhe became “Lehowai.” Makehu townships kept their names; colonial cities got “English” monikers named after their geographical location, economic significance, or some other original story. Examples of this are Southport, a—you guessed it—port on the southernmost tip of Uunili, or Cale’s Hope, a settlement named after a businessman’s mining venture. It’s all details, and chances are that most readers won’t even pay attention, but I personally found that this added a lot of plausibility and immersion.

I could cover a lot more, but this post is already way too long, so I’ll leave it at that—if there’s enough interest, I’d be happy to make a part two. If not, well, maybe at least a couple of you got something useful out of this. If you’re looking for inspiration/references to show to your illustrator/cartographer, the David Rumsey archive is a treasure trove. Finally, for anyone who doesn’t know and might be interested, my novel is called Dreams of the Dying, and is a blends fantasy, mystery, and psychological horror set in the universe of Enderal, an indie RPG for which I wrote the story. It’s set in a Polynesian-inspired medieval world and has been described as Inception in a fantasy setting by reviewers.

Credit for the map belongs to Dominik Derow, who did the ornamentation, and my friend Fabian Müller, who created the map in QGIS and answered all my questions with divine patience. The linguist’s name is David Müller (no, they’re not related, and, yes, we Germans all have the same last names.)

[chaotic-archaeologist]

Got a Disabled in Arch question for you. Its a bit long-winded so tl;dr: what math(s) are pre-requ for your degree?

Due to missed autism and several really bad math teachers I absolutely suck at math. My mum does too so its never been... odd to be bad at math in my house. I passed grade 11 'mixed' whith my brother (math teacher these days) tutoring me once a week.

I asked him a few days ago if there are any low-cost or free ways to get remedial math skills and he suggested I look at the requirements for Arch and work my way back to the first thing I recognize/can do and start 1 level below that. He said he'd help me find resources etc. And I'm going to look up Canadian programs too, but my computer is out of commission at the moment. So it's taking a bit linger to navigate uni sites on my phone.

Man, I feel this so hard. Math has always been difficult for me, partly because I had some bad teachers, and partly because my brain just doesn't work that way. The first piece of good news that I have for you is that archaeology really doesn't have high math requirements. Right now I am taking literally the most basic math class that my university has to offer (it's literally titled Math 101). Let me address some things that have been eureka moments for me.

Brain development: it turns out that doing math (at least for me) in my 20s is very very different than doing math in my teens. It's hard to explain, but my brain just feels very different now. This might be true for you too.

Learning format: I sucked at learning math in a traditional, in person format. I would get confused about step 1 and then not be able to get an explanation until the end of the lesson, meanwhile steps 2-7 made no sense. The class that I'm taking now has asynchronous, recorded video lectures. I can pause. I can rewind. THERE ARE SUBTITLES! If you think that might help you, look into different learning formats.

Take breaks: in my family we call them cookie breaks, but they can be anything. The moment you get frustrated, stand up and walk away (if you can). Do not go back for five minutes. Do something else. Fold your laundry, play with your dog, do some jumping jacks. Give your brain time to process.

Note taking: my life got a lot easier when I gave myself permission to take notes the way my brain works, rather than trying to be aesthetically pleasing and organized the way I was taught in high school.

Help and accommodations: any class that you take should have someone with office hours who will help you. Take advantage of this. Also reach out to the disability center at your school and work with them to get accommodations that can help you (more time on tests, printed out notes, subtitles for lectures, etc).

Community college: google says that Canada has a system of community colleges, and you might see if you can take your math there. These classes tend to be taught by people who are actually there to teach, rather than a professor who would maybe rather be doing research. They also tend to be less expensive, at least in the US. Most community colleges have an agreement with other traditional universities that allow you to easily transfer in credits.

Your brother is right, start with a level below what you know. The thing about math in high school is that they seem to be dead set on shoving all of this useless and very complicated stuff down your throat. You will probably never need to multiply exponents, divide complex fractions, or calculate the surface area of a cone. You will need basic algebra skills.

Honestly, the most math that I've really had to use for archaeology is the good ol' a^2 + b^2 = c^2 to lay out a square unit. A 1m x 1m unit should have a hypotenuse of 141 centimeters. You might end up having to take a statistics class at some point, but start with the basics.

-Reid

[specsforwoo]

Son of Lachesis | Demigod!Jung Jaehyun

Parent Deity: Lachesis (Goddes of the String of Life; the Second Fate)

Allegiance: Hades

Dark Humor was a thing

He probably picked it up from his dad

His dad was this super successful thriller author

So they had this huge penthouse in New York but Jaehyun was your normal edgy emo teenager

He claimed to hate his life, hate his family, hate his friends

But like, his dad wasn’t bothered by it???

At first Jaehyun thought it was because his dad just didn’t care about him

But then he started to realize that his dad was the same way

He would rather disparage himself in the name of humor than anything else

It was more of a coping technique but oh well

And for some reason, Jaehyun’s senior year of highschool, he moved to Korea

Still doesn’t know why tbh

Something about his dad telling him that it was safer for their family to be closer together

But like his family only comprised of himself and his dad

And his beagle Chu-Chu but that’s it

As far as he knew, he didn’t have any family in Korea

But surprisingly, he fit in well

His last year of high school went by quickly

And soon he was accepted into the medical examiner’s program @ KAIST

What?

He felt more comfortable around cadavers than live humans

It wasn’t weird he just had hella social anxiety

He had a real gift for it too

He could just look at a body and be able to tell how they died

He was oddly able to tell how long ago they died too

He was actually starting to get creeped out by it

So he started talking to the only person he could ever confide in

His dad

It was a long weekend off of uni

And the Friday before he got into a huge argument with his toxicology professor about the substance that one man ingested that led to his death

His professor swore it was Croton tiglium

And he doesn’t know why but something in his gut was screaming that the diagnosis was wrong

So what did he do?

He stole the toxicology report to review it

And he barged into his professor’s office claiming it was actually Daphne mezereum

What scared him the most was that he could swear the man who was lying helplessly on the table was the one who told him what the poison was

So back to his dad’s apartment

Jaehyun was in tears explaining what had been going on to his dad

And sure his dad was the one to lighten up any room he could

But his dad just laughed

And for the first time he actually felt like he was going crazy

He thought that if anyone would be able to help him understand it would be his dad

I mean what was that Ph.D in psychology hanging on the wall for then

But his dad placed a hand on his shoulder and talked to him very calmly.

I think it’s time that you met your mother.

Sniffing, he looked up

I thought she had been dead since I was a baby.

Sorta…

How can someone be ‘sorta’ dead?

She’s more like… undead?

Suddenly a gray smoke started swarming around his feet.

And a young woman, dressed in black with a rose in her hair appeared behind his dad

Jaehyun almost screamed

Dear, Many people are in need to relief so why are you calling me up?

She spoke and her voice was as light of as the mist swirling around her feet

She looked up and made eye contact with Jaehyun

Dear, you know how dangerous it is for them to meet their other parents… why is he here?

She didn’t break eye contact with Jaehyun as she spoke to his father

It’s time he knew. Maybe Taeyong or Yuta could help him? They’ve been through this before.

The anxiety and stress was piling up on Jaehyun until he couldn’t stand it anymore

Knew what? Who is this? Why is our apartment filling with smoke? What have Taeyong and Yuta been through before?

You are a demigod Jaehyun. The woman spoke up, inching closer to his side.

My son, the son of Lacheses.

Lacheses…. The goddess of the string of fate.

I’m the son of a death goddess.

He burst out laughing

He couldn’t tell if it was from shock or denial

Everything made sense

His ominous ability to tell how people died

How long they would live for

So you are telling me Taeyong and Yuta are demigods too?

He looked between his mother and father

Yes, sons of Themis and Bia, respectively of course.

So that summer Jaehyun ended up going to camp with Taeyong

He didn’t feel that comfortable in the Hades cabin, and ended up rooming with Sicheng in the Achelios cabin instead

He also tended to help out with medical care when super dangerous competitions were taking place

If he remembered correctly, Sicheng asked him to because your weird ass ability to tell how long people have to live comes in handy so I can override it.

He said it with all smile on his face too, like people thought Jae was creepy

He is still actively attending uni, still the top student is his toxicology class, despite his prof throwing the hardest cases his way

HE EVEN GOT AN INTERNSHIP AT THE POLICE STATION YAY JAEHYUN

But camp is his life now

He never knew what he would have done if he didn’t have the support system that he did because of it

Yuta is his best friend

Partly because they are apparently first cousins

But also because they just mesh really well together

Whenever Yuta is fighting or practicing

He is there to makes sure to call game before anyone gets fatally injured

It actually got close one time

But other than that

His life is really normal

He eats out a lot

He studies a lot less than he should

He has made lasting friendships

And he has the hugest crush in the world that he refuses to reveal

hey , you

Just tell me! You know I can keep a secret from the hyungs!

Cue Jisung pestering him as they run the track at camp

How do I know that?

Taeyong still hasn’t found out that Chenle and I sneak out every Saturday to go to the arcade and that we were the ones who broke his cat mug.

Good Point.

Sooooo?

Still not telling.

Honestly though, not like it wasn’t obvious enough

Sometimes he wonders if everyone is oblivious to him staring at the back of your head while you run rounds for Sicheng

Or how his eyes follow your figure when he spots you in a crowd

Dude has it bad

And might be a little possessive too

He saw Taeil hug you once and he refused to talk to Taeil for a week

Until Kun saw what was going on and forced them to make up

But you

Girl you might have an even bigger crush

Who knew volunteering was so fun when you got to see Jaehyun every day

Highkey only Renjun knows that you both like each other

What? Renjun knows E V E R Y T H I N G

At least he is like ‘passively’ helping Jaehyun score a date with you

And by ‘passively’ I mean he straight up walked over to you and asked you if you would want to grab dinner with Jaehyun on Thursday, something about studying for toxicology finals

And by ‘passively’ I also mean him straight up telling Jaehyun that you were going to be a the hole in the wall diner on 53rd street a 7 o’clock and if he didn’t show up he was going to kick his ass

So you both showed up

You with study materials

And him with flowers

Johnny told him that flowers were always the way to go

And Jaehyun was beyond embarrassed and confused when you looked up and saw him standing there in a button down shirt that definitely wasn’t his holding a bouquet of flowers

And you were sitting there in sweatpants and your glasses falling down the bridge of your nose

So he did what he does best

Laugh it off

Oh, these are to thank you for helping me study.

Of course, you didn’t have to get me anything though.

In his head he is sitting there cussing Renjun out while also trying to create that empathy link with Yuta so he could tell Yuta to go beat his ass

But he brushed it off and starts studying with you

Only after ordering pecan pie and hot chocolate

Because everyone needs snacks for studying

Right

But you suddenly looked up and stared him straight in the eyes

Why do you even need my help? Aren’t you like top of this class, and IDK you can talk to dead people? Just ask them what happened.

Jaehyun is back to being embarrassed and this time he can’t laugh it off

Well– ummm— you see– Renjun— I—-

Oh for Zeus’ sake can’t you just say that little twerp set us up on a date?

Well… yeah, yeah he did.

YoU — umm— you can leave if you want, I understand if you don’t like me

Why would I leave. And you shouldn’t understand because you are a great guy, of course I like you.

You gave off a cheeky smile before stealing a bite of his pie

Y’all started off really casually

Like a group date here and there, nothing alone

Something in Jaehyun told him it wasn’t going to get serious unless he made the first move

Your father was probably to blame

Zeus was known for being a little aloof when it came to love

But Jaehyun

God Jaehyun had no guts whatsoever

Not until his best friend from New York came to town

Jameson had come to visit over his own spring break, claiming he wanted to see why Korea was so special and “Jeff” as he knew him, never returned to the US

And Jaehyun had taken you with him to the airport, better than dragging along Jeno or Jungwoo, who for some reason was terrified of planes themselves, and Yuta was out of town for a competition and Johnny was still passed out from last night’s party

And when Jameson stepped off the plane, he came barrelling towards Jaehyun, screaming JEFFFFFFERRRRRYYYYY as loud as he could and tackled him into a hug.

After that he began speaking in English a mile a minute

To say you were a deer caught in the headlights was an understatement

Jaehyun obviously wasn’t fazed, he was able to talk back to Jameson at the same speed, not even stuttering

So you felt kinda lost, shrinking away from the boistering boys, opting instead to starting rolling his friend’s luggage to the car

Jaehyun caught wind of your suddenly shy personality and cut off his friend to instead walk over to you

In a much calmer voice, and this time in a language you were actually able to understand, Jaehyun asked if you wanted to be introduced to his friend

You nodded and Jaehyun grabbed your wrist before shutting the trunk of the car.

Pulling you back over, Jaehyun spoke in English again

You could barely make out something along the lines of This is my friend, Y/N, daughter of Zeus.

You gave a small wave and bowed, hoping he wouldn’t speak to you directly, prompting you to speak in your broken tongue.

Just a friend, or something more? Jameson smirked at Jaehyun before looking back over at you

A friend that you can’t have. You couldn’t really understand what Jaehyun said but you could tell that whatever was said, he wasn’t happy about his friend’s comment.

After that you all got into the car where Jaehyun made you sit in the front seat, holding your wrist the entire time, in obvious view of Jameson

Things died down for a while and it went back to the usual

You were still on the track team (more like Pegasus Racing team but whatever)

And Jae came to cheer you on at every game

And Jae was still top of his classes @ KAIST

And you came to cheer him up when the workload got to much for him

But it STILL wasn’t serious

So one night

Specifically, Jameson’s last night in Korea

Everyone decided to head out to Hongdae to go club hopping (pls tell me you people know what club hopping is)

And you were all having fun, dancing, most were also drinking, especially Jameson

Jaehyun somehow ended up being DD after a brutal battle of scissors, paper, rock

So he was sitting there on the side lines, nursing straight tonic water watching everyone else get shit-faced drunk

You weren’t any better to be honest

Jameson started having a habit of trying to get you alone or get you to dance with him

So you thought that if you had to deal with that all night you had to have a couple shots in your system.

PSA TIME PEOPLE!!!!!! PSA!!!!! If someone in your group keeps trying to get you alone or get you to dance with them, both men and women, DO NOT I repeat DO NOT resort to drinking to deal with it. If they don’t get the hint by you avoiding them, tell them straight to their face that you don’t want to be with them. If they still don’t get the hint, seriously consider just leaving wherever you are. Under no circumstances is it okay for them do that. PSA OVER!!!!

Jaehyun had been watching you try to avoid Jameson from the bar all night and after Jameson came up behind you and grabbed your waist he was done

The vision of fully sober, properly pissed off, ready to throw punches Jaehyun was not a pretty sight

Thankfully, at the moment he had enough self-control in his system to not deck his friend straight in the throat

He instead opted to grab your wrist, much more forcefully than last time, and drag you out the back door of the club into the alley way

Then, much more gently, backed you into the wall of the club

He was so close that you could feel his breath on your forehead

Muttering to himself in English, you couldn’t understand what he was saying

Suddenly he looked down and his eyes kept snapping from yours to your lips

I’m probably going to do something I regret right now

Poor you couldn’t even understand him because of him still speaking in English

Next thing you know he was kissing you, pushing you up further against the wall, wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer

After he let go, worry flashed across his face, like he finally realized something

Oh my god, did that bastard hurt you?

He started checking your arms and wrists, even running his hands along your waist to make sure there wasn’t bruising there

For once, Jaehyun actually had the guts

He ended up calling everyone rides, and left early with you so he could take you out on an ‘official first date’

To an ice cream shoppe

Mind you average temps in Korea during, let’s say March is still around 28 degrees Fahrenheit @ night

He realized his mistake after seeing you sit there in the booth, shivering as you picked up your ice cream

So he quickly shrugged off his jacket, wrapping it around your shoulders and grabbing your hands in his to warm them up

First date was still a success in his mind

And all the dates there after

Renjun takes full credit for your relationship, but so does Sicheng, they actually fight about this

Jameson actually isn’t in Jaehyun’s life anymore

And Jaehyun is madly in love with you

Proposes after he graduates, in front of all of his friends, @ the stupid little hole-in-the-wall diner that he claims was his first real date with you

While they all scream JEFFFERRRRYYYY in the background.

really tho, Yuta has it on tape, along with Doyoung forced feeding Jaehyun wine, and him sleep talking about your first official date, all of which he plays at your guy’s wedding

Good luck having all of these idiots as brother in laws :::)))))

[projectjasper]

my thoughts and opinions on "lovely writer": criticizing the critic

tw for discussions of age gaps, rape, and sex

before i turn into the mean and constantly dissatisfied archer that we all know and hate, i just want to say that i liked this show. i think it's great, actually! gene and sib are appropriately cute, the premise is nice, and the attempt at criticizing the industry is... well, an attempt, which is better than nothing. moreover, "lovely writer" came with gifts because it gave me my new favorite character, so you can't go telling me i'm trying to completely obliterate it or something.

besides, this specific post isn't going to get into analyzing the show as a whole anyway. i won't be talking about any irrelevant plot points, cinematography, sound design, or anything like that, though i could probably write a post just as long as this one about that side of things as well. however, i am here to specifically look at the problematic things that were both criticized by the show and included in the show without any criticism. i'm going to talk about the more serious side of things here, which means i'm going to get serious. and i'm going to be harsh. very harsh.

gene and nubsib: yes's and no's

overall, the relationship between gene and sib was a fair attempt at showing something complex, yet ultimately quite healthy, which i appreciate. there were some things i was especially glad about. the fact that sib dated other people before settling on getting together with gene, for example, makes the whole situation a little less codependent. however, as much as this show prides itself on not wanting to romanticize problematic relationships, there are at least two major problems with genesib.

the age gap (and why it was not needed)

i've tried my very best to give this entire concept the benefit of the doubt. at first, i was convincing myself that they were simply close childhood friends, then i was trying my best to believe that even though sib did have a sort of crush on gene (which sometimes happens to little children), gene only saw him as his younger brother, but eventually, the show gave me no choice, but to deem the entire storyline problematic, because they did their best to romanticize that relationship - from gene's dad seeing the "early signs" to the counting and kissing the cheek turning to counting and full-on lip-locking in the last episode.

i could go into how this could all easily be mended if little sib was shown as kind of obsessed with his older friend, but gene was shown as not being anywhere near interested in the kid. but the real question is - why was the age gap needed at all?

i've researched the age of the boys during the flashbacks to the best of my ability and it seems that gene is 11 and sib is 6 or 7. if sib was the same age as gene (or maybe just one year younger, but not any more than that), not only would none of it feel weird, it would also be quite appropriate to explore that first glimpse of romantic feelings some of us experience exactly around that age. i don't think it's necessary for sib to be much younger than gene (children can be just as impressionable at 11 as they are at 7, and as for gene being surprisingly nice and helpful and the other kids not wanting to play with sib, he could have easily been - for example - bullied by his peers instead, which would have the same effect).

moving forward to the present, i don't think the lack of an age gap would affect the storyline that much either. even if they desperately needed sib to be a university student, they could have that one-year difference i've talked about before, which is not as significant. sib could be in his last year of uni, while gene could have easily written his very first novel during his university years, which would actually make more sense (since that guaranteed him employment and freedom to write after he finished uni; and i would rather believe that he had time to write his first novel in-between classes than in-between shifts at work, which he would surely need to have if he started writing after finishing university).

so that brings me back to my initial question - why was it needed? and much like the show often does, i will leave this one up for your interpretation because i do not have any sensible answers myself.

the issue with sex and consent

"but archer!" - i hear you exclaim - "lovely writer is known for explicitly denouncing rape romanticization in bls, how could there possibly be any problems with consent here?" and i hear you, my dear reader. and you aren't incorrect, "lovely writer" is indeed very explicit at calling out bls for having rape scenes (and i do appreciate that). however, as i'm sure you know, there are different ways in which consent can be taken from a person, and there are different non-consensual acts that someone might perform. for example, there are many different forms of coercion, such as the person being persuaded until they feel like they have no other choice, but to say yes. touching someone or kissing someone without asking for permission are also non-consensual acts. i can go on and on, there are many examples outside of what so many people consider rape.

now, what if i tell you that though there (thank the gods) has been no rape present in "lovely writer", not all scenes with gene and sib are consensual? well, that's what i'm telling you because it's the truth. both the first kissing scene and the scene where gene and sib "try out different poses" have clear coercion in them. the entire "joke" of the scene before gene and sib's first time is literally built upon the concept of "a person is trying to run away from someone, who wants to have sex with them" and it is NOT funny. the later reveal of gene actually looking up how to have sex seems to be there on purpose, to show that everything that's happened is "ok" because gene was thinking about it. as a sensible person, i will only accept actual enthusiastic consent and not someone possibly maybe probably considering it. not to mention that right before having sex, sib asks gene one last time if he is sure, which is great, except it is immediately followed by "i'm not going to let you change your mind anymore", which - daily reminder - you are allowed to stop having sex at any point during the act if you start feeling uncomfortable with it. that's absolutely normal.

now the problem that we seem to run into here is that "lovely writer" appears to think that it's ok to push someone to the limit until they either finally agree or confidently and loudly disagree. the drama has repeatedly shown us that actually forcing someone to have sex is not ok; however, persuading and otherwise coercing someone, as well as taking an approximate guess of them wanting to have sex based on some marginally related factors, is ok. i would like to once again remind everyone that all of that is not ok.

one more issue i want to bring up in connection with sex is something i wish was common knowledge: it is NOT supposed to hurt during your first time. whether you are planning to have vaginal or anal sex for the first time, it should not hurt. and if it does, something has definitely gone wrong and you need to stop. you are not supposed to experience any pain or discomfort during sex, including your first time (outside of desired and therefore intentionally inflicted pain, but that's not what i'm talking about here). i have seen this misconception brought up many times in bls along with the other person "thanking the person who got hurt for bearing the pain to bring them pleasure" and absolutely none of that is normal. stop. please, just... stop.

criticism of the BL industry

there are certainly quite a few things i liked about the way "lovely writer" criticized the many problems that surround bls. i think they dealt especially well with the fan aspect. the breaches of privacy that are considered normal, the toxicity of social media that encourages people to comment on other people's personal life, harass and stalk them - all of that was shown in its full glory (or rather horror) and clearly condemned. it was also interesting to see how easily everyone around sib fell into the routine of having to hide genesib's relationship, just because "that's what's supposed to be done in these situations" - even tum did that without thinking twice.

however, i have not spent the past three years hating gmm for a show trying to criticize the industry not to focus on criticizing the production company and everyone professionally involved with the making of bls. don't get me wrong - they didn't completely overlook that side of things, but i found the way they approached it dissatisfying.

like yes, tum fights with his sister (aka sib's manager) and calls her out for her terrible actions, and the publisher (bua) eventually apologizes for what she did, but all of that feels a bit too... personal. i do not care about these individual stories. i care about you saying that the whole system is broken because it very much is. i wanted manner of death but with the bl industry, and instead, i got an "uwu the fans are demanding we do this, and our hands our tied" (which is a lie) and "uwu i'm just trying to make money" (which i mean... if you feel ok milking even more money than you already have by doing something unethical and immoral, then be my guest, but also go fuck yourself). besides that, i didn't see any criticism of tabloids or exploitative celebrities either (both of which we had examples of in the show), and that was kind of disappointing.

coming back to the fans for a moment, i also think that the criticism of real people shipping was entirely unsuccessful. we basically mostly got an "oh, what if this person's partner thinks they are actually dating", which... if a bunch of people on the internet who do not know your boyfriend personally and make all their judgments from screenshots and their imagination can convince you that your boyfriend is cheating, i've got some bad news for you and also a number for a therapist. partly i know why it was so complicated for them to get into it properly - the issue with real people shipping is an issue of privacy, boundaries, the perception of celebrities, acceptable interests, and many other complex topics. however, it's better to not criticize something than to criticize it badly and inaccurately (because the latter usually leads to even more encouragement of whatever you were attempting to criticize).

aey: the flamboyant villain

aey certainly starts as a promisingly complex character, but the farther we go from his backstory and his family, the less complex and the more evil he gets. eventually, the trauma he goes through is no longer enough to give him a get-out-of-jail-free card, and he loses all remaining sympathy after sexually harassing gene and pretending to drug sib. and i did start this post by saying that i am not to analyze any plot points or characters from the show here; however, i'm saying all this to prove a point that aey is a clear villain in the show. this is further cemented by the fact that by the end of the show he loses the only two people who cared about him, and the very last moment with him in the show is literally just him crying for about 3 minutes. there was no redemption arc, no pity, no revenge - he was left alone and broken, clearly punished by the narrative. and i've got a bone to pick here as well.

one of the first things that we find out about aey is that he is gay, and quite openly so. he is repeatedly described as very feminine by many characters, he flirts with men, he talks about being good in bed, and his entire character is built upon being gay (half of it directly, and the other half due to the fact that his entire backstory and therefore personality is also built upon the fact that he is gay). he is - for the lack of a better term - the gayest character in the show and the only one who is loud about being gay not because he is in love but simply because it is a part of him and he doesn't want to hide it. and he is the villain. not the disgusting publisher or the terrible manager - no, this guy was specifically chosen to ruin everyone's lives. and i can't say i'm particularly happy about that. *british voice* seems a bit homophobic love

not quite queer enough

as i said, aey is openly gay. gene and sib also eventually say that they are gay, gene's father teep is queer, so are tiffy and mhok. but it just doesn't seem to come up as much as it would in real life. the only time anyone has a problem with any of the characters being queer is when we deal with the parents. but knowing actual queer thai actors in real life, we are all aware how hard it can be for them, but it has not come up even once for aey, gene or sib (with genesib only being a problem because they are a "non-shippable couple"). being queer is far from being a non-issue in the industry, and i found it incredibly weird that it was never brought up (and i would also prefer if they brought that up instead of showing the unaccepting parents plot for the millionth time).

same goes for the lack of conversation around queer people on set. i think we all have a wonderful example of how much better a bl can get simply when it involves a queer director and/or screenwriter (gods bless p'aof), gay actors, etc. i also thought it was a missed opportunity that gene being a gay man writing a bl novel was never highlighted. if anything, everyone made a big deal out of him being a man writing a bl - never mind that he is a gay man that is far more qualified to write bls than a straight woman.

in conclusion, there are simply not enough queer issues talked about here for a show that is about queer people facing difficulties while making a queer drama.

tiffy and tum: the good, the bad, and the ugly

overall, tiffy and tum are quite cool. outside of my own personal feelings, i really liked the clear reversal of gender roles they have going on: he knows lots about make-up, she knows nothing about it, he knows how to sew, she knows how to repair a car, etc.

tiffy is also a nice addition to the precious few queer girls we have in bls. however, the way her being bi is executed... it isn't great. when she first talks about dating girls to tum, she says things like "even though i look like this" (implying queer girls have a certain look?) and "maybe it seemed normal because i was at an all-girls school" (which wtf does that even mean?). i think the worst thing, though, was when she assumed tum was gay. my best guess is she thought so because she initially thought that tum and gene were a couple; however, she should be the first person to know that just because he likes men, it doesn't mean that he doesn't like women or any other gender. even though there was nothing explicitly leading me to make this conclusion, this whole thing did kind of feel like the old "flipping the switch" stereotype (meaning, she used to like women, but now she likes men, and both of them can't happen simultaneously).

make it make sense

i think i've never been more confused in my entire life than when i found out that the director of "lovely writer" also happens to be the director of "th*arnt*pe". and if at first, i was asking a lot of questions about this peculiar individual, who went from working on the worst rape-romanticizing show we have ever had to a show that explicitly states that rape is not normal. but the more i thought about it, the less i was interested in him, and the more i was interested in whoever made the decision to hire him. there are dozens of different directors that have worked specifically on bls, and even more that haven't. yet out of all those, you decided to choose this one. the dude, who before your show has only directed the show with the biggest rape-y vibes. that casts a particular kind of shade on the entire show that i simply do not like.

conclusion

at the end of the day, i think what "lovely writer" tried to do was very interesting. it succeeded in some ways and failed in others. frankly, i think this show could have easily been made better if someone queer was involved in making it. that's always true, but especially so, when we try to talk about the issues of making a queer drama. either way, it's certainly a good start to this conversation; however - as i said - i'm still waiting for my manner of death but with the bl industry. this was unfortunately not it.