#but my people already found me
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Autism is my puzzle piece, not because I’m missing something, but because it is the piece that I was missing. Its the piece I didn’t know I had, right at the center of my heart.
I suppose it makes sense, I had most of the other pieces, but there was always something that made me feel completely separate from everyone else. The painful RSD comes into play whenever I feel rejected by other people’s expectations. I feel like I don’t deserve to exist.
But this is like a fire burning in my chest. It hurt at first, to feel my heart burning in the sea of fog. But all of me, all of me lights my way, I am glowing, I am sparkling.
So even if I find myself weary and tired, I will be able to find my way, even if it’s not back home. But to somewhere that I am accepted.
#babey posts#actually autistic#autism spectrum disorder#it feels like I don’t belong with many other autistic people#but my people already found me#i feel safe with these children of the lost#i don’t want to reject myself just because others reject me
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I don’t talk about my love for Kira Nerys too often because. Look. I think if DS9 handles anything well, it’s Kira, hands down.
Her character development is a work of art. She is so traumatised, so angry, so beaten down and STILL FIGHTING at the start. She struggles so much with her PTSD, with the idea that she is ever allowed to be in anything but attack mode…
And then, slowly, gradually, she becomes a whole new person. She laughs, she smiles, she makes corny jokes, she does dumb fun things for the sake of enjoying herself. She has friends, she has a family, she is surrounded by love and joy and HOPE.
Even in the middle of second war, she’s DIFFERENT now. She’s not the same miserable angry person she was, afraid to let go of the vigilant surivival instincts that kept her alive for so long. She’s come back to life as a person who has something to live for.
She has done terrible things. Her hands are stained with blood. She is never going to be able to forget her trauma or the suffering, both her own and that of her people, nor the suffering she inflicted while fighting for her freedom. But she recovers. She heals. She carves out an existence where she is truly, genuinely happy to be alive.
I don’t need to talk about Kira as much as some other characters because this all happens on screen. It’s right there, and it’s beautiful and perfect.
Kira Nerys goes from a person who cannot conceive of herself outside of the horrors she has suffered, inflicted, and fought against, to someone for whom her trauma is just one part of the larger picture, a piece of a rich and vibrant tapestry that is now filled, overwhelmingly, with joy.
Kira Nerys is like, hands down, bar none, one of, if not THE best characters Star Trek has ever created. I love her so much. She is just, completely and utterly perfect, especially in her flaws.
#stella talks#star trek ds9#star trek#kira nerys#.but see I don’t feel compelled to write fics about Kira.#.because I think her writing on the show is already pretty damn close to perfect.#.thanks in no small part to Nana visitor absolutely locking in on exactly who Kira was and should be.#.like she isn’t perfect because she’s flawless.#.she’s super fucking flawed.#.but she’s perfect because she is so flawed and so human and she grows so much and learns to thrive again.#.and god her whole character is just… she’s perfect okay.#.I love her so much I love her I love her I love her I love her.#.like the reason School Live is my favourite manga.#.is because it takes these deeply traumatised kids and then slowly. gradually. shows the#.shows them finding hope and reasons to live and learning to thrive in an absolute nightmare.#.the epilogue made me cry because it showed that they had found ACTUAL HAPPINESS after the hell they endured.#.I am such a sucker for stories about people learning to heal from trauma okay.#.and Kira Nerys is built on a foundation of trauma and she goes and builds a fucking castle on top of it from all the love inside her.#.I can’t emphasise enough how much I love her.#trek meta
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SNOW BOTS ARE BACK BABE, IF IT WILL BE LIKE THAT EVERY YEAR I MIGHT DIE ONE DAY OF HAPPINESS WHEEEZE (I mean, drawing them like that is so much faster, plus colors, plus snow, plus they all are alive, COME ON IT'S A DREAM) Go smooch @keferon and everyone who makes "everyone is happy" content wheeeeeze
#snow bots au#transformers#maccadam#OF COURSE I GOT MY BOIS BACK#They have a car they ride separately and they like to show the car off#Perceptor#Brainstorm#Hook#Scavenger#and others from their “family” but they are not seen or it is my hand begging me to stop it hasn't recovered fully yet bruh#I bet Minimus and Megatron are already inside sipping tea and watching them going inside the building#I already wonder if since it is the second year like this#Maybe Optimus also somehow found this place to relax after many years and just sees them all#And Megatron#I want them to recover here too ngghhh#I also was thinking of scavengers and Grimlock but ahah I have a feeling they hang out in a bit different places where less people#ALSO EHEGHEGEHEEH it's so cool to think of every group arriving together or separately in different days#I have a feeling that Tailgate Cyclonus and Whirl will arrive pretty late. Alway forgetting something and coming back because of it until#they just “OH just leave it be let's go already”#Group of docs arriving almost as the first ones#Okay I better run I didn't even have breakfast just jumped on it the moment saw it coming back
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If anyone is interested, please feel free to light a digital candle through Illuminate. I got a name a few years back, and it's a name I won't forget. May every name we have found be a blessing. May their names never be forgotten. May we never forget.
Never again means now.
#jumblr#yom hashoah#shoah tw#this is a very small thing but i think it's a good digital project in the sense that it connects you with a name - a person#and gives you information - however scant - that is connected with them#i know many people have probably shared this but i still wanted to share#never again#i don't think i can attend the irl yom hashoah event near me tomorrow and it's kind of gutting me a little#but the person whose name i lit a digital candle for had... such little information we know. it aches my heart#i hope we continually find names and information about the people we gave found already. may we never ever forget them all#it causes so much anguish that there are names and people we may never know about#or information about people we will never know. i know g-d has not forgotten them i just... i wish we could know too
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tell ren to turn his location on👉👈
I saw one of the posts of how ren does get jealous of pets being loved over him and alll that so now I have the thought of the one meme of ‘ah yes, me, my partner and their [enter normal pet size] foot [pet]’
I don’t have anything else, it did pop into my head though and I thought I’d share with the class.
⌞♥⌝ ItsNotVivy on Twitter actually made that exact meme with Ren a looong time ago!!
#💌 — answered.#💖 — 14 days with queue.#thegoofyest#In Viv we trust 😌 They were one of the very first people to take an interest in 14DWY!! /gen#Dare I say..... One of the founding fathers lmaooooo#Also!! Viv (along with a few other twitter artists) were one of the main reasons why I started this Tumblr in da first place! ^^#14DWY didn't have much of a following until they started makin memes and art on Twitter#Then all of a sudden I had all these people wanting to know more about the game; and da next thing I knew; I had over 50 asks overnight lol#So I owe a lot of 14DWY's success to ItsNotVivy; hmimprvmntbsmnt; dreosuger; Diachuu; glade_o; Meowastrophe; noullyart; etc.#And it's also the reason why I wanna show my appreciation towards them all by giving them Easter Eggs in the game#I also kind feel like it's the very least I can do to show my appreciation ghjsgjh ;v; Same with da 14DWY staff on Discord#It's the only place where I ask for help regarding managing the 14DWY socials (everywhere else is just me); and they go through hell n back#—to keep the server a fun and lively place for everyone#I owe so much to them as well; which is why some of da mods already have their own lil Easter Eggs in the game#I also like to think they're canon employees at the Corland Bay library gsdjgjg Except Jesse; that mf would set everything on fire /silly#Also not me getting mushy in the tags????????? What is happening to me.... Where is my mysterious and aloof persona...... /j#I'll shuddup now before I start crying (/pos) over the founding fathers on Tumblr as well lmao
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○ A piece of you ●
#'you forgot his badge' yes. yes I did and it was too late to correct it because I had already added the blue#take this today because not 1 but 2 people guessed this as one of my favorite ships (they were right)#star trek#star trek tos#star trek the original series#spock#s'chn t'gai spock#kirk#jim kirk#james t kirk#captain kirk#spirk#art#fanart#not art#this is an older piece that I found the motivation to finish now. I wonder if anyone remembers the sneak peek...#me pretending my drawings are ✨️aesthetic✨️ and have a deeper meaning by adding cool 'titles'
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when i say "any pronouns" it does not mean "you are allowed to default to exclusively using the pronouns that you view as corresponding to my presumed sex or gender presentation" it means all fucking pronouns.
#i also personally do not use it/its pronouns but i stopped specifying that in my bio because i found it was more common for people to...#...use that info to intentionally misgender me than it was for anyone to use those pronouns for me genuinely/without malicious intent#people are already resistant enough to using it/its for people who specify that they use them. like pulling teeth.#almost no one is using them without being specifically prompted to do so#+ id much rather be occasionally misgendered by someone who didnt know they were doing so and was operating within my *specified* parameter#than be regularly misgendered intentionally because i specified what not to do.#ceci says stuff#100#200#300
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House M.D. but it's when a character says the name of the episode
#house md#prince's talk tag#flashing#repitition#so as i was watching this show i noticed they'd say the episode title in the episode#so i wanted to see how many times they did it#the people on livejournal who made transcripts of the episodes are my saviors and without them this would of been so much harder to do#thank you all for your service and i hope wherever you all are you're having a great day#sometimes they would use a variation of the word like in the episode poison they would say 'poisoned' or 'poisoning'#i did not include those instances#there was an instance in 'merry little christmas' where they do play the song in the show#but since ella fitzgerald was not a character in the show i did not include it#where as in the episode 'joy to the world' the students are singing it in the concert so i did include that#i apologize for the tonal whiplash when you get to that part but it did make me laugh#one of the times kutner says 'locked in' is overshadowed by the POTW's voice over but i assure you he says it and thats why its in there#out of the main characters from the one who said the title the most to least are#House > Foreman > Wilson > Chase > Cuddy > Adams > Cameron and Taub > Kutner > Thirteen and Park#this took a bit to do lolol its probably been done already but i wanted my own#there is a chance im missing some on technicalities but idc. im fine with this#there are two more i wanna do but with a character saying another character's name but ill do that some other time#EDIT: When I was making this video I was unaware that the Pilot episode went by two names: 'Pilot' and 'Everybody Lies'#Basically everywhere I looked the first episode was only referred to by 'Pilot'#which I found weird bc i remember seeing somewhere that the last episode was paired with the first episode in terms of title#but i couldn't find hard proof so I decided to leave it out at the time#well i checked again last night and yea the pilot IS also called Everybody Lies so I updated the video#I also think it goes well with the fact that House does say 'Everybody Dies' in the finale so another reason to fix it#AND he says it without Wilson while he and Wilson say the title of the pilot sooooo yea hehehehehe
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ORV is about enduring the horrors in real time.
(for @everyonesfavoritebastard)
#omniscient reader's viewpoint#kim dokja#yoo joonghyuk#I read a few arcs of ORV a few years back so I am at least loosely familiar with the characters and premise.#ORV dares ask the question: “what if you finally met your beloved blorbo who helped you cope through the horrors - and he *hates you*”#The reversal of what most people feel about some of their blorbos (love them but would never want to meet someone like that in person)#I would love to keep reading orv but it is very long and I already promised to finished like...3 other shows and several books.#my gesture of affection is consuming the media my friends care about. Alas I have none who are into orv to motivate me.#Also hey there raffle winner everyonesfavouritebastard - you gave no prompt at all so I took a random swing based on ur pfp and blog#I hope you like kim dokja! I am terribly sorry if you meant to leave a prompt and something glitched#EDIT: Found out raffle winner everyonesfavouritbastard didn't know it was a raffle. Homie...I'm So Sorry.#Now I *really* hope you like Kim Dokja.#You're so valid; I too would be mesmerized by the beauty of stackedbird's lovely little apple art.
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I love you, so much and so truly darling, I love looking at you, I love whispering all my secrets to you, I love kissing you good night, I love letting you know how much I do, I do, I do, baby I love you, can't you see ?
@skyrigel
#I heard somewhere that people were buried alive#And that coffins were found with clawing marks inside the lid#So bells were installed#Ring a bell if you're alive and we'll get you out and alive#Ring a bell if you're alive#Just ring#And when I said how much I was in love with you#I was ringing that bell#I was telling you how everyone thought I was dead but here I am#Ringing the bell for you#Come and get me#Come and heal me#come and take it#I was rotting inside earth but i ringed the bell for you#Yet you didn't hear a jangle#And i wouldn't claw and lose my mind#When my heart had already clawed enough inside my ribs#The bell doesn't ring anymore beloved#It's as silence as my wait for you#Forever there but dead
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I hate when people offer up chatgpt to me as a solution, I would rather crawl into the depths of hell to find a proper source than ever use that devil technology(I am beginning to sound like a 19th century luddite)(I am not ashamed of this)
#I AM CAPABLE OF LOOKING UP ACADEMIC PAPERS I DONT NEED THIS THING TO REGURGITATE IT TO ME#i am constantly deep in the depths of academic research for my own desires#like bro the amount of hyper specific historical papers ive found just for like. personal enjoyment#so i dont suddenly need this tech to do something for me im already fully capable of doing myself#why would i infantalize myself like that?#i suddenly cant do something people have been doing already years on end?#catie.rambling.txt
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ALL OF US STRANGERS (2023) dir. ANDREW HAIGH
#filmedit#filmgifs#movieedit#moviegifs#All of Us Strangers#aousedit#filmtvdaily#filmtvcentral#cinemapix#fyeahmovies#dailyflicks#mine*#mygifs#movies*#I can't believe this is done. and you won't believe how long it took me to make it. insane... because it's just a scene#I didn't even use different fonts. or a cool template. or transitions... it was a single scene... but look... I made captures for 10 gifs#and things kept happening and I kept finding little gestures and beautiful things and I just couldn't keep them out the gifs#I mean look at Harry and that slow realization. please look at the glow around his shoulders at the beginning#and how ethereal and out of this world he already is AND THEN when Adam says 'I found you' he becomes more... real and present!#and those eyes and the intensity of that 'you're here' and their eyes and faces and smiles and how Harry's desperate but Adam calms him dow#and his voice when he asks 'how come no one found me?' the realization that people didn't care to check on him. it screamed to my soul#I haven't stopped thinking about that scene since the moment I first watched it#honestly... I wish I could live in this scene forever#now this is a super long post and I know it won't get many notes and it was surely made before... but I needed to make this for myself...#so here it is :) I'm tired but I love it#GOD the way Harry goes full baby when Adam caresses his cheek and he SMILES LIKE THAT! AHHHHHHH!#*runs down the hill screaming*
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A timeline of Bisig!! Since I've decided her birthday was in July, I felt it was time for a little retrospective :>
Thought it'd be fun to see how the way I've drawn her has evolved over the years!
#the ever-shrinking number of stripes on her sweater haha XD#this timeline isn't super precise and there's been some back and forth but it's the overall evolution that matters#i don't think the artstyle is going to undergo any drastic changes now but who knows it might still evolve a bit#mydrawings#MyCharacters#Bisig#my precious little cat.......#to think she's seven years old already......#this did make me feel pretty emotional ngl#she matters a lot to me#and apparently to other people too??#reference#there aren't any other drawings of Bisig between 2017 and 2020 but sometimes an idea needs time to grow#once i found some reaaally old fic in which a ship's cat named Bisig shows up so it's possible the seed of that idea was even older#(that cat was a regular non-sapient cat and “bisig” just means kitty/kitten in Breton)#(so what it truly shows is that even as a kid 1) i liked cats 2) i liked boats 3) i was not very original when it comes to naming OCs XD)
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I finished posting the unabashedly educational Sword Fic.
It includes a detailed (but hopefully beginner-friendly) explanation of all the steps of making a Nichirin blade from a sunny mountain like Mt. Youkou, a touch of swordsmith and metalworker folk lore (including demons), meta about what must make Kimetsu no Yaiba's swordsmithing methods different from real life methods, some character exploration for Haganezuka and his polishing method, vocabulary and additional resources in the chapter notes, and hopefully, an endearing, silly POV character to learn this all through.
#my fics#SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS#would you like a story about the years of background of this fic?#I was not very well-versed in metallurgy until recent years but my study of the Japanese language goes back to#well#longer than some of you may have been around#I always liked samurai and swords for the aesthetic but started to take more of an interest when I lived in Shimane#and on a day when I had a friend taking me around to rural sites associated with a legendary monster she was like#let's go see the sword museum while you're out here#but that museum was closed (it comes back into this story though)#so we went to a different one that no longer exists but that was my first encounter with how much work it takes to make the sword ore#fast forward years later#I am writing this blog and it becomes known as a fun place to read about Japanese culture as seen in KnY (thanks glad you enjoy)#I decide that I must tell people how hard it is to make the ore and finally visit that main museum on a trip back to Shimane#I collect material and struggle to do more research and wrap my head around it#and I write the first version of Teppi's story that focused mostly on the smelting and glazed over the forging and polishing and stuff#meanwhile I am in a job situation I have already long since wanted out of and soon I want out a lot more desperately#job searches were disheartening but then I found THE ONE I WANTED#and on that first interview when I was already like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#they asked if there's a Japanese cultural topic I could suddenly explain in great detail if asked#and without mentioning this blog I said I had recently written up something for fun about tatara smelting methods (and they forgot this)#fast forward again and I very happily got the job and was very nervous as I got the rundown on a very large annual nerd project#and when they announced the topics for that year I saw that tatara smelting methods in the region I knew them from was on the list#and I was like#asudyaiusdyuasdyuahduahduhsdhuPLEASE GIVE ME THAT#and i got it and when I went out there for research people were like#...why do you know all this...???????#and since I dared not mention my KnY blog I was like#...I lived in Shimane...#it seems I broke the tags because the rest of the story got cut off but hi yes you get the idea
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op you are the only person on this entire website feeding me Miryumi. Bless, and keeep making more jbsjhbcsbcjkdzb its so fucking gpood and ima soa hungry
My one job is keeping the miryumi community well fed and by god am i committed
#hi guyssss guess who started uni#signing up for a degree knowing its hard and actually learning the hard material are two different concepts ive found#me signing up for a physics heavy course: why do i have so much physics homework🤯#so i have had very little time to draw i fear#and it seems like im gonna have less time generally so my already sparse posting schedule is gonna become more erratic#brace yourselves#anyways i finished up this old wip i had sitting around and guys i missed them so much#i cant say it enough#miryumi my beloveds#if all i do in life is convince one person that miryumi is a good ship then i will die happy#its criminal how little ive managed to draw them recently#also for future reference i have tgchk RATTLING around my skull there will be them content soon i swear#thats my psa done#feast my children#or well nibble this is one drawing lol#miryumi#rumi usagiyama#fuyumi todoroki#fuyurumi#(people keep tagging it that idk im a sheep)#(it is kinda cute)#mha#bnha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#wlw#chiquilines draws
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a beta reader left a comment on my manuscript that was basically:
"this story is a waste of my time."
and it's like....
i have thick skin and all, since i've been working with beta readers for a long time, but...
ouch.
thanks, i guess. helpful.
#like#alright?#tbh beta readers have been driving me nuts lately#finding good ones has been a real headache#bc i specifically tell people im not looking for line edits#and all they do is line edits#i ask them to focus on the plot#and they say yeah ok#but then they do like grammar checks#and its like#this story is in an early draft form#i do not need grammar checks#and i told them that#but no ones listening to that lol#well at least people are kinda trying to be friendly tho#this one particular beta reader#christ#i cant remember where i got her#i doubt its tumblr#the people ive dragged from here have been friendly if not helpful#she feels like#someone i found on reddit methinks#also i dont think her criticisms make sense#like im open to criticisms i really am#ive already changed a lot of my opening stuff#but this particular beta reader man#shes constantly complaining that shes confused but#no one else whos read that section has been confused#i wonder if perhaps#our intelligence is not equivalent
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