#but my memory is terrible so what do I know
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EXACTLY 😃👍
And my memory has become more terrible by the day anyways. Lol
'Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” “But we are descendants of Abraham,” they said. “We have never been slaves to anyone. What do you mean, ‘You will be set free’?” Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin. A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. '
John 8:31-36 NLT
TRUTH = Freedom🪽🪽🪽
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#truth#trustworthy#no stress#bad memory#freedom#no worries#love#bible verse#John 8:31-36#jesuslovesyou#jesuslovesme#jesus christ#trust god#christianity#gods word#Jesus said#jesus quote#holy bible#being a christian#christian faith#christian blog#christian tumblr
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[A:4 C:68]
(Ramos)
“Wh, what is. . ." "Ramos!?!"
(You were. . . You’re in the greenhouse.)
"Look out, everyone!"
(This. . . Moment. You remember, remember. . .)
"Loop please!!! We can handle it, please! Just go rest!"
(You can’t move. Vines of mint entangled your legs, arms, body. You could hear, you could hear them, your, friends-)
"I'm fine! I, I can't leave you guys to, to do this alone."
(You, you just wanted to be strong. You just wanted to be strong. You, just. . . There’s water filling the green house.)
(Black, inky water.)
"We might not have that luxury. If we . . . figure . . . . . op them . . . then. . ."
(Fading, you can hear them, fading. FADING!! No, no no no!!! You can barely hear them now, the water, the ink, the void it, it’s flooding in, up to your ankles, no, your KNEES now!!! You struggle against the mint. No, no no NO!!!)
". . .ine! B. . . . . .er fo. . . . .ste. . . ."
(You can barely hear them!!! Please, PLEASE NO NOT THIS!!!!)
{WHAT DIFFERENCE WILL IT MAKE.}
(What, w-who was--)
(A tendril of that void rose from the ink and grabbed you by the shoulder, pulling you down to a knee. Water rising, mint not, letting, go! You, you-)
{WHAT DIFFERENCE WILL IT MAKE. YOU. ARE. NOTHING. TO. THEM.}
(N-nonono!! NO!!!)
{YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE. ISABEAU THINKS YOU ARE WORTHLESS. ISABEAU IS JUDGING YOU. YOU ARE HOLDING. HIM. DOWN.}
(Another tendril bursts from the water and drags your head closer to the water, it’s, inches away. You’re panicking, breathing faster. No no no no no stop talking, STOP TALKING!!! You, y-you need to, go, help--)
{YOU DIDN’T HELP, LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. YOU LET ISABEAU GO OFF ALONE AND NOW HE’S LEFT YOU ALONE, AGAIN. AND NOW YOU’VE RUINED. THEIR. LIVES.}
(You see a ripple in the water, and take a breath just in time for the void to surge upward, engulfing you in the chilling waters.)
{YOU’RE NOTHING. NOTHING. WILL ALWAYS BE. A. NOTHING.}
(You couldn’t see or hear anything through the water, it was cold, it was icy cold and thick as blood! It grasped at you, clung to you, squeezed you, begging you to give in! You, y-you don’t want to give in!!! You, y-you-)
{WHY DENY IT? LET GO. LET YOUR BODY SINK. ACCEPT IT. NOTHING, AND, NOBODY.}
(You, y-you can’t see a face but, the void it’s, it’s looking at you. You KNOW it’s looking at you! You feel it all around you, cold, gripping, clawing at you you, you, don’t. Want. To--)
{LET GO.}
(N-no--)
{LET. GO.}
(N-no! I won’t!!)
{LET!!! GO!!!}
(JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!!!!!)
(SO WHAT!!! WHAT IF I’M NOTHING!!! WHAT IF I'LL ALWAYS BE NOTHING AND NOBODY!!! SO WHAT IF I STAY AS USELESS LITTLE RAMOS WHO COULDN’T DO A SINGLE THING RIGHT!!! WELL I DON'T CARE!!! I DON'T CRABBING CARE!!!!)
(You open your mouth and let the air out of your lungs.)
(I’LL DO WHAT I ALWAYS DO!! MY STUPID! CRABBING! BEST!!! AND IF THAT’S NOT ENOUGH?!? THEN I’LL DIE!!! I’LL DIE HAPPY KNOWING I AT LEAST TRIED TO DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE!!!)
(The greenhouse is fading away. The memory is getting darker.)
(SO GO ON!!! DROWN ME!!! DROWN ME ALREADY, JUST DRON ME!!! KILL ME!!! YOU CAN’T KILL ME IN ANY WAY THAT MATTERS SO JUST DROWN ME!!! DO IT!!! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!!!)
{. . . . . .}
(The mint vines snap.)
(. . . . . . This was. . . Where the, the memory ended.)
(After this you turned back into a human, Loop fainted, and. . . You were. . . Welcomed in. . . ?)
(You’re floating in that void. . . Who, who, are you again? You’re. . . You know you’re, someone, and you, were. . . You were. . .)
(You feel something, grabbing, at you. You feel someone calling to you. . . It sounds. . . nice?)
(Something grabs your arm.)
(Ramos) [Alex] {?????} |Jasmine| <Altiare>
(In a moment you’re pulled from the well in the center of the garden. The liquid stained black like ink. You’re coughing up water and, a-and feel, exhausted, terrible, surprisingly refreshed-)
|R-RAMOS?!?!|
[STARS ABOVE!!]
<You put yourself between Alex and Jasmine, and that THING and Ramos. Damn Ramos, you look like death spat out last night's dinner.>
(Wha, what? Who, what- You look up, the garden was here again? But, like some storm had come through, and things were still being put back together. Those three, the, imaginary friends? They-)
|WE’RE NOT IMAGINARY!!!! YOU!!!! BATFACE!!!!!!|
<Cool it with the names, Jazz, Ramos didn’t know.>
(Know what-)
[We’re a system, idiot.]
(. . . What? But, no I’m-)
|WE ARE!!!!!|
[Yeah we went through a whole two day long crisis over it. Welcome to the party.]
(But?!!? I’ve never had memory problems?!?! You shake your head and get into a sitting position. A-and, I don’t remember anything, super traumatic about our childhood so. . .)
<. . . . . You put a hand to your head. Buddy. . .>
(. . . You look away. Uh-)
<Our childhood was pure batshit, finely refined guano, perfectly festered fertilizer.>
(C-crab, rea-)
<A finely mulched manure- >
(OKAY I GET IT!!! You sigh. So, we were a system the whole time?!?)
[Yeah.]
(But, I mean, well. . . I haven’t heard from you guys in a while so, what. . . O-oh, oh.)
[Yeah.]
(O-oh Change, oh Change oh my fu- I, did, what’d he-)
[Buried us alive in the garden.]
(. . .)
[“I just wanna get stronger, clear up my head, be able to focus better” and I guess Perci mc’fuckpants heard that and said “alright, better burry these guys in THE BLINDING GROUND!!!”]
|It was, i-it was really scary.|
(. . . O-oh I. . . I’m, I’m so sorry. Change I’m, I’m so, so, so so sorry.)
[Yeah. You cross your arms. You better be.]
(. . .)
[. . . You better be sorry for leaving your PARTNER all worried for you.]
(WH- W-WAIT HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN!?!?)
|Uhm, three weeks? A month?|
(CRAB!!! I gotta go apologize and, a-and-)
<Woah hold up, are we not talking about the obvious?>
[Yeah there’s that, too.]
(They’re all looking at you still. Uh, Huh?)
<Well first off, you have a massive stab wound in your chest.>
(You look down, and sure enough, there's a giant gash that tore through your shirt and left a scar on your skin. . . . Oh. O-oh. . .)
<Second off, uh. . . Mind turning around, buddy?>
|YEAH!!!! I TOLD YOU IT WAS REAL!!!!|
[And I shoulda believed you little buddy, it sure was.]
(What’re you- okay. You turn aroundCRABBINGStARSWHATIS--)
{. . .}
|THE BUGGY!!!|
<Yeah, it sure is. You eye at the. . . The weird as hell bug mask thing with a cloak. Jazz’s been saying there’s been a bug wandering around here, first time me and Al’ get to see it it’s dragging your sorry ass out of the well.>
(T-that. . . That’s, y-you, you’re--)
{You crouch down, getting more on level with Ramos. Are. You. Hurt?}
<!!!>
|WOAH!!!|
[So it does speak.]
(W-wha- I-I mean, I’m, I’m okay, I think, ah, w-what. . .)
{You’re. A. Good. Swimmer. You stand up, and climb into the well.}
(HUH?!??!?!)
|WAAAA!!!! You run over to the well and peek in. BUT!! BUGGYYYY!!! WHO’RE YOU!!!!!|
{He-llo. You peek at Jasmine.}
|Hi!!! :D!!!|
{Name, is. . . Nihil.}
|Nihil!!! Good to meet you again!!! I wanna see you again and talk and do cool stuff again, kay?|
{O-kay. :)}
[. . . . What? What? That, that’s really the bug Jasmine’s been playing with?]
<I guess we found our tamed sadness.>
(. . . You feel like you’re going to pass out.)
[Oooh no ya don’t. I’m forcing you to be in charge today.]
(WHUH?!!??! You stand up, b-but, I just, got back?!?)
[And you have five months of experience and was the one fronting or existing the most or whatever. Congrats, get your ass in the greenhouse.]
(I-)
<We’ll catch you up, help ease you in. Got it?>
(. . . O-okay. Okay. Got it.)
(Siffrin) {Mal Du Pays} <Null> |Asterion| +Rosmarinus+ =Socks= [Loop] [(Saffron)]
(You hopped up the stairs two at a time, heading to your shared room to grab your journal. There wasn’t any rush, you just wanted to be fast.)
<And to check on Ramos and company.>
(Right, that too. You hoped they were okay.)
<They’re fine, Siffrin.>
(R-right. . . You get to your door, quickly knocking twice before walking in. Oh! Groundskeepers were already getting dressed! Hair down today, with their vest and loose pants, and they were just putting on the bandana. They turn to you, mouth open about to say something, then pause. Wait-)
“. . R-ramos?!?!” (You ask, hopefully.)
(They sink into their shoulders shyly, but smile.) “H-heySif--”
(That’s all you needed to run and tackle-hug the defender-in-training. You squeezed them close, hold them close. They’re not gone. They’re here. They’re okay. They’re okay and alive and here and talking and okay. They’re okay. They’re, okay. You feel their arms around you. . .)
“. . . . . Miss me?” (They finally ask.)
“Very.” (You mumble into their shirt.) “. . . I’m sorry, Ramos, I-”
“Oh shut it.” (You feel them bonk you on the head.) “I was poking in business I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry-”
“YOU’RE SORRY?!??” (You look back up at them with a Look on your Face.) “YOU GOT STABBED AND YOU’RE SORRY!?!??!”
“I-I MEAN, I, DIDN’T REALLY-”
“YOU DISAPPEARED FOR A COUPLE WEEKS!!!!”
(They sink into their shoulders again.) “. . . O-okay, sorry, Sif- NO! N-not sorry!!! I-I mean I’m-- y-you get it!!”
(You giggle at that, and give them one more squeeze.)
{Cloak.}
(RIGHT!!!) “Oh yeah!!! We found something you might want.” (You step back and excitedly walk to the closet, and start digging around in it.)
“Huh? What is it?” (Ramos walks over, curious.)
(Then stops.)
(You found what you’re looking for, you hold it up. A white cloak, with segmented, petal-like ends.)
“. . . . . We, Alex and I, were looking through some of the things Eri left you and found. . . This.”
“That’s. . .” (You could see gears turning in their head.)
“Isa cleaned it and finished some of the stitching they never got to. He used the same ones that are on my cloak.” (You hold it out to them) “Eri made it for you.”
(Ramos was stunned. You could see the tears welling up. They eventually reached out, shakily, and took the cloak. They tossed it around them and put it on. You helped with the pins. After a moment, you step back, both to see them better, and let them look in the mirror.)
“. . . V-void. . .”
“We match!!!” (You flap your hands excitedly.)
“. . . Y-yeah!” (They turn to you, crying.) “We match!”
(They take your hands in theirs and jump in place a little. The both of you end up doing a silly little dance on the spot, giggling and crying just a little.)
“W-woah!! Rams?” (You turn, Isabeau’s in the doorway! His new glasses and cool jacket in place. You beam at him.)
“Hi Isa!!!” (Ramos replies, excited, but still teary. They go over and hug him.) “T-thanks for, for, for just being the best.”
“Aww Rams.” (Pat pat. You pat them too.) “Right back atchya, buddy- oh yeah!!! BONNIE COME UP HERE!!!”
(Isabeaus yell downstairs was met with an equally loud one.) “NUH UH!!!”
(Your turn.) “BONNIE HAS A CRAB FAAAACE!!!!”
“WHAT!!!!!” (NOW you hear the quick and loud footsteps of an angry preteen. You and Ramos step back.)
(Bonnie bursts into the room still wearing their own new attire. Ramos’ little gasp was all you needed to hear. Bonnie had their own little white cloak on, with extra fabric and pockets in the front so it can act like an apron. Upon seeing you and Ramos, who now had their own cloak, Bonnies eyes lit up.)
“. . . CLOAK BUDDIES!!!!”
“CLOAK BUDDIES!!!!!”
(The three of you do that same silly little dance as before.)
“WE GOTTA SHOW EVERYONE!!!” (Bonnie starts dragging you to the door.)
“Do you have one, Isa?” (Ramos asks.)
(Isabeau shakes his head.) “Nope, not yet at least. I wouldn’t wanna make one for myself, right?”
“Right.” (You nod.) “It’s given by a family member s-so, uh, I'm gonna be learning how to sew after this is all done!”
“Awww!!! That’s sweet of you, Sif.” (Ramos beams.)
“COME OOOOONNNN!!!”
“Okay! Okay! We’re coming, Bonbon.”
(The three of you hurry downstairs, Bonnie smugly leading the charge into the living room, with you holding Isa and Ramos hands! THAT earned a cheer from everyone!)
<Eugh.>
{. . .}
(What!!!)
<Too sweet for my taste.>
{. . . . You smile, happily.}
“Looking good, you three!” (Mira claps.)
(Odile smiles.) “Glad you’re back, Ramos.”
“Oh crab Ramos’ back?!?” (You see Nille pop her head through from the kitchen, then a grin spreads on her face.) “THERE’S the idiot!!! Do you know how crabbing worried we were about you?!?”
“S-sorry, Nille-”
“You’re off the hook this time, buster.” (She smirks, before going back to what she was doing.)
(Stars this is nice. You sit down on the couch, Isa and Ramos taking the initiative to flank you on each side. Trapped!!! No!!!!)
<You’re a terrible tactician, Siffrin.>
(Ramos kisses your cheek, causing you to retreat into the cloak, which causes Isa to kiss your head! Stars help!! Help!!!)
{No. This is nice.}
(!?!??!?!?!?!)
<?????????>
{. . . . :) }
(STARSokay. You eventually collapse on Isabeaus lap. A moment later, Isa was playing with your hair, and Ramos started massaging your probably very overworked leg muscles. You lean into the touch, sighing wistfully. . . Stars above. . .)
(You’ve never felt more relaxed in your life.)
“Be careful you two, you might drag out Socks again.” (Odile chuckled.)
“Hehe, activating their kitty cat mode.” =Mira giggled along.=
=Too late :3=
(STARS--)
=You nuzzle close to Isa, mumbling softly into his lap and letting yourself melt a little. You close your eye, bliss. . .=
“He is so cute. . .” =You hear Ramos whisper.= “How can someone be this cute?!?”
“They’re just adorable!!” =Isabeau whispers back.=
“. . . You know we were supposed to have a meeting about dealing with the Monets.” =Odile starts.= “But. . . I think that can wait until later.”
“Yaaay. . .” =You say softly. Oh right. You’re not getting front back. I want cuddles.=
(. . . It’s okay, so do I.)
=You’re happy to stay then!=
(Yay!!!)
#THERE WILL BE JOY#THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL#isat#in stars and time#art#isat au#siffrin system au#sifstem#isat art#isat fanart#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#isat ramos#isat isabeau#isat bonnie#isat fanfic#isat oc#isat ocs
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Sometimes I fear they won't do devil's minion at all. Armand won't call Daniel beloved and like the turning- the turning was said to be done in spite where in the books there was at least some love, something that made Armand say they will be in hell together after all. I feel like there is a possibility that in the show hell together means like a thorn lodged in the throat. You can't ignore it and you can't get rid of it. That will hurt a lot if they do that.
im sure dm will definitely be romantic in the show at some point, it's just a case of how they get there because things are obviously different from the books.
i myself am keeping an open mind about the whole "spite" thing tbh. that descriptor does not come from armand or daniel, it comes from louis, who was not there— and in my opinion, daniel sorta dodges addressing it any further when louis brings it up, and there could be multiple reasons for that (he doesn't want to talk about it? or maybe there's more to it he isn't letting on right now?)
just throwing things out there but if it WAS entirely spiteful, but past dm happened, it's possible they could also utilise daniel's book turning scene for the "memory wipe", framing that as armand's act of love in order to save daniel's life, which would balance things out a little more. either way i think we WILL see the turning no matter what anyone says
where they are now with each other, the writers might take inspiration from the sort of push/pull they have towards 1985 in qotd, along with the long period of separation they have after qotd and the regret armand feels for turning daniel. daniel feeling resentful towards armand (for turning him? for messing with his and louis' memories? for leaving him all alone?), but unable to stay away for long; armand believing he has made a horrible mistake and trying to stay away while also dealing with the fact that daniel destroyed armand's relationship with louis, but he and daniel are bound together now and the maker/fledgling connection sometimes seems to be a lot stronger in the show, even between "strangers" as displayed by madeleine & louis being able to "feel" one another
i think show daniel seeing armand at his lowest, knowing what he can do to people and what he has done to him, will play into the way daniel sees armand in the books: a terrible creature capable of great evil who daniel is drawn to and loves for who he is, and armand gets to be perceived outside of the roles he's always playing by someone he doesnt have to control or lie to (and cant, really). for how they get to the love part... im curious to see how it will go because there's a lot of ways it could happen. i'm just certain they will get there. they might feel stuck in "hell together" at first, but eventually hatred won't be the only thing that binds them together (if it ever was the 'only' thing between them in the first place)
maybe tangentially related but ive seen people suggest rolin jones has some sort of dislike for dm or that he just straight up doesn't care/wasn't planning on including it, and of course i have no clue what's going through his head but i have to disagree. a deeper relationship between armand and daniel has only been hinted at right now; pieces of a puzzle slowly make themselves known, and the audience has to notice them and put the puzzle together with what they've got so far. just because something's in the books doesn't mean theyll just talk about it openly, its still a show spoiler. which means outside of the show (in interviews etc) it's only going to be acknowledged as a "thing that happens in the books", yknow? just like book characters that havent appeared yet, the way theyll be portrayed in the show isnt discussed. kinda why i think they got king of spoilers eric bogosian to drop the "budding romance" line in those sdcc videos from a while back because to me... that technically is a show spoiler lmao
#ask#iwtv#devil's minion#i actually have a lot of thoughts too many to put here but they're probably all scattered about in different posts ive made already#but this response was already kinda long and all over the place anyway
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Look, all I’m saying is that Countess Ruby walked so that Nadja (of Antipaxos) could run
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#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#nadja of antipaxos#nadja cravensworth#countess ruby (Scary Godmother)#scary godmother#this is so specific i think idk#is this movie niche?#it used to play on Cartoon Network every Halloween when I was a kid#halloween#anyways I hope you get what I mean#in my memory Ruby is like the PG version of Nadja#but my memory is terrible so what do I know
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some rushed doodles of our new goat darling........I have so many plans for them
#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl goat#my art#theyre so cute.....i can't wait to see what they do.#personally i hope they have a wonderful relationship with the Lamb until the Lamb's aching desire for kinship with their cousin species-#turns into the Lamb becoming more and more fearful of their own usurpation....bringing them to the conclusion that they must consolidate-#power and take whatever power the goat has#or the Goat is not truly alive! perhaps just a remnant of a memory of Vessels' Past. who knows.#anyways theyre very cute. will draw more later#my terrible baby Black Phillip
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I'm just a psycho, babe, come and go out my mind! I didn't lose it, babe, there wasn't much to find!
Plain text:
My grip on my secrets slipping while I'm speaking in tongues Screaming at the top of my lungs in the confession booth! Take it with a pillar of salt, halt, it's not my fault! The Devil made me do it but I also kinda wanted to...
Song: 2econd 2ight 2eer, Will Wood (Spotify)
#scp art#scp fanart#scp 049#scp-049#digital art#digital sketch#music inspired art#will wood#I don't know what I was doing with the colours#I just slapped something down#There's this one artist whose 049 design I love so much and I'm trying to emulate it a little#While obviously keeping my own style and stuff#My memory is terrible but I think their url is crypticcrisps(?)#Anyways feast your eyes (the people who followed me for 049 art and then I posted other things)
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Hi! I've just stumbled across your 'patron saint'-quiz and I love it! 🖤 The way you put the answers to the questions is flawless, especially the 'heart'-question and the afterlife-question, not to mention the results! One gets the impression that you really put your heart in this quiz. My results are eerily fitting - same for a friend who I made take your quiz as well.👍 I'm wondering whether it is possible to read the other result texts somewhere as well? (Or would I have to play through the quiz again with some different educated guesses?) Thanks for creating this quiz and all the best for you. 🫂 Enjoy the day/night 🤗
hi!!!! so glad you like the quiz!!!! i definitely had a lot of fun making it, and it's been really fun seeing people's reactions to it too :)
happy to share the other results! putting them below <3
#all my little guys. look at them. so much work to screenshot and image desc them all haha#i'm sure it's illegible on mobile i'm not doing all that on a phone though... peace and love...#anyway! you do not have to go elsewhere to find the other answers. you just have to come here to this ask <3#fairly sure that the first time i took it i got either martyrs or lost faith. fitting for me. as you all know i'm sure.#doesn't really count when i take it though cause i know what questions give what answers...#well. my memory is terrible. but i know what vibes i would assign to what things haha#anyway! hiii here you go hope you all like them#ask#not poetry#quiz#person who sent this ask. um. how to say this without getting embarrassed. i like your profile picture
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@aikoiya I'm reblogging on my little sideblog because my art is getting buried under kilometers of text on my main haha ^^
I'm glad I could help! :D Yeah the fruit names aren't very inspired for sure!
Thanks for recommending Psychonauts! I'll keep it in mind for the next time I want to play something new!
Maybe the Door of Time could close on its own… but I forgot to take into account that the Triforce has split anyway so there's no need for it to do so. It stays open during OoT so I guess it could just do the same in the Child Timeline 🤔
Yes the Master Sword is definitely what allows Link to travel through time in OoT, but I'm not sure it plays a role when Zelda uses the Ocarina to send him back. To me this a different kind of time travel. Agreed on the Triforce existing out of time, you expressed my thoughts better than I could ;)
I like Oracle of Mysteries! I don't have too much hope for a third game on top of two remakes but one can dream!!
My problem with "Château Marée-Chant Brasserie du Clos" is only that it needs a coma, and if it was used in a sentence we would say "Château Marée-Chant, la Brasserie du Clos". Same thing with the other names you proposed ^^
Brasserie and château also have different vibes (at least to me), so La Perle de Lune or La Perle de Conque might work better as names for a brasserie. Then Château Marée-Chant could be the name of the wine the Zora make, since Château Something is a common appellation for French wines (and of course there's Château Romani in MM). "Domaine" is another one, wich in this context makes Zora's Domain/Domaine Zora quite funny!
I love the nautilus shell glasses and wine baskets! This place would have a really nice atmosphere.
I guess I could rewrite the princess sightings quests to make them more serious, but I'm not sure they would fit with what I'm trying to do. I don't know, I need to think about it! As for Yiga Zelda, something like that has more impact on Link/the player if they're still looking for the real Zelda. Of course it's infuriating for Link anyway but he/the player would know for sure it's not her after playing through the main quest. So if I use that idea I'll make sure that this encounter happens before Link gets the first memory.
Yes something as simple as the villagers being uneasy/worried but still maintaining the election would make it better in my opinion. And a curfew is a great idea! The thing with Cece is that since I'll have Castle Town partially rebuilt I've been wondering if it wouldn't make more sense for her shop to be located in the capital, but maybe she'll just have a second shop there and still live in Hateno. I still need to decide before I can make up my mind about the election. Though I will say that I liked this quest's message about tradition and modernity (even if the way it was handled was a bit childish) and it's a question that makes sense in the context of Hyrule being rebuilt, so it's one of the quests I really should keep.
I want to design a Cece outfit for Link, I might keep the hat but not the hair and makeup. Or maybe I could have another character wearing it, but not Link he just looks terrible 😆
Stallynels, elemental Lynels and Staltantula are great ideas! I'm looking for new monster ideas because I'm tired of always fighting the same bokoblins, lizalfos, moblins, constructs + the same bosses all the time, so this could get on my list ^^
I don't know, I think Hyrule already had a false sense of peace in BotW, this time I wanted to see stuff happening "in real time" and to really feel that the kingdom is being threatened. I also want to make use of the provinces that felt underexploited in BotW (Hebra, Necluda, Faron and Akkala) and have more of the main quest happen there, instead of reusing the exact same four locations for the dungeons.
Exactly, "strong women" characters have become so cliché!! Though the real problem to me is that they are extremely unrelatable/unlikable, and very boring (on top of being completely unrealistic). I agree about Gerudo vai being roughly as strong as Hylian males, with their height being an advantage.
Yes the ancient Gerudo have a much less feminine appearance, but we only saw a few warriors so we don’t know if that’s what all of them looked like. I'm also really not convinced by these designs but you're probably tired of my complaints by now haha. I'll just say that they have the exact same weapons as modern Gerudo and it drives me crazy 🙄. And yes I can see just how dark things could get with the Gerudo and what they could do to males of other races… That's not how I want to portray them, but it's definitely a possibility.
Hmm, this is a whole other debate but the thing with WW Rito is that I never liked the idea that they were evolved Zora. I know Hyrule Historia confirmed it but it will never make sense in my head that fish people had to become birds after a flood (??). I prefer to think they're just another race, or if I had to choose a race they could have evolved from I would choose the Sheikah (white hair, red eyes, live near a volcano that houses a dragon, Hylia's crest = bird).
Yes I'm sending Zelda far into the past but keep in mind that this is the distant past of Skyward Sword after Link killed Demise, and it's complicated enough to make things work between SS and BotW without throwing WW on top of that haha. Also in my timeline BotW might actually be closer to SS than WW is in the Adult Timeline (because the Hylians only live on Skyloft for a short time here and come back after Demise is gone, so the kingdom of Hyrule gets founded a lot earlier).
My Zelda won't have enough time to create something like what you're describing, but otherwise I like the idea of her building a dungeon! That would be an interesting concept to play with.
Nope no Secret Stones or Zonai in my rewrite, and Zelda doesn't have the Sheikah Slate ^^ I'm not even sure rewrite is an approriate way to call it at this point. It's more of an alternate sequel to BotW because it doesn't have much in common with TotK anymore, and I'm using this story to build my new timeline that links BotW to Skyward Sword.
Sure Gerudo culture is flawed, but what I mean is that I don't want to associate them with evil stuff all the time and that's what a curse tends to make me think of (and Ganon himself can already be considered a curse). So if I can find another explanation for the way they are I prefer to do things differently, but I understand your reasoning and it is interesting. I also don't think anyone in my lore would be able to cast such a curse on an entire race (except for the Golden Goddesses themselves but I don't think they would).
Haha don't worry, this comment really was just a joke. That's not something I want in my lore at all, but otherwise what you're saying makes sense ^^
I don't think the Sands Goddess created the Gerudo (the same way I don't think Hylia created the Hylians) so she wouldn't be responsible for them being an all-female race. That's on the Golden Goddesses. Now I'm starting to think that maybe the Gerudo weren't ever supposed to give birth to voe at all. Maybe that only started after the death of their Goddess, so they believed the first boy was a last gift from her and made him king. Or maybe Koume and Kotake had something to do with it! I could see them do deranged stuff in order to have a son, and then claim that he was sent by the Goddess and destined to become king.
I've actually spent a lot of time thinking about Ganondorf and his motivations for my rewrite since I found his character really lacking in TotK. I'm trying to come up with something a bit more nuanced, and I think I explained a few things about him in one of my earlier answers. I’m going with something similar to your interpretation (except he doesn't get to kill Link of course 😁) with the Calamity being his hatred that took physical form and kind of acted on its own. So my Gan definitely isn’t genocidal, and he’s far from happy with the situation. He’s not exactly remorseful since he places the blame on the ancient Sages who sealed him (they did it for good reasons, he’s not a victim), but he never wanted to destroy Hyrule in the past and still doesn't in the present.
@aikoiya The post was getting long again so here's a new one!
I knew you were going to answer that saying "this is unfair" isn't real life logic haha (and I agree that life hasn't been fair to Sky and Sun anyway). It's just that such an ending would probably leave me feeling unsatisfied and even a bit robbed, and I think it would require a lot of other changes to be made to the story in order for it to work properly. But anyway you're right, as things are now this would just be happening behind the scenes so what I'm saying doesn't really make sense. But just thinking about it changes my perception of SS in a way I don't really enjoy, so it's not a theory I favor.
Yes in that setting I'm pretty sure that the other Sun would not make herself known to Link and Zelda and would let them have their happy ending. But I think Zelda would likely suspect her existence and know that something is wrong. I guess even Link could notice that the Temple's doors are suddenly open and would ask Impa a few questions.
I had no idea Tingle called Farore the Goddess of Wind in WW, so I went on a little quest to see if I could find the same quote in the French version of the game. Apparently it's in Tingle's description of Outset Island and I never had the chance to play with the Tingle Tuner mode. I can't find the same quote in French anywhere and I don't even know if this was included in the HD remake (I guess I'll have to wait for a Switch version to find out… if they ever release one). This has me wondering if this quote isn't something exclusive to the English version, but I can't be sure and I'd like to know what the original Japanese text says. The French wikis mention that Farore is the Goddess of Wind in WW but don't provide any quote, it just looks like the pages were translated from English but that they couldn't find the same quote in French. It's really frustrating!!
Anyway that's a bit weird because WW already establishes Zephos as the God of Wind, and he seems to be a minor deity compared to Farore. The way I see it, wind is just the element that Farore tends to be associated with, and since a lot of myths might have been lost with Hyrule in WW this could just be a mistake on Tingle's part. I mean this is the game that gave us the Golden Triumph Forks haha.
I'm not limiting Nayru/the Golden Goddesses to a singular domain, quite the opposite ^^ To me Nayru being the Goddess of Wisdom includes different concepts such as order, law, science, magic, etc., and even time (since she's introduced as the creator of the world's fondamental laws), while calling her the Goddess of Time doesn't include all of that. That's why I wrote that I found it a bit restrictive. But sure she could have both titles, the same way Farore could be known most commonly as the Goddess of Courage and also called the Goddess of Wind in some situations.
Oh I didn't think of the blocks from OoT! I would say though that they don't really use any time powers, they're just random blocks that appear or disappear for some reason when Link plays the Song of Time (it's just as absurd as playing the Song of Storms to open holes in the ground haha). But yes they were blue and associated with time, and of course Nayru is too. The difference with Hylia in my theory is that Nayru created the rules of time (if that makes sense) among other fundamental laws, while Hylia's power specifically allows her to manipulate time and foresee the future. In a way I see Hylia as Nayru's spiritual daughter who inherited some of her powers over time (and that's why the color purple she's represented with is very close to blue).
The Master Sword has also been depicted as either blue or purple though, so that asks the question of the true color of all of these things! Nayru is definitely linked to time so it makes sense that the timeshift stones are in Lanayru (and Hylia also doesn't have a province named after her).
"From the edge of time" could definitely just be a poetic way to say that Hylia kind of recorded a message for Link before dying haha. But I find it interesting that she would phrase it like that, I like to see it as a clue.
Well if Zelda simply sent Link to a point further back in time, wouldn't there be two Links existing at the same time in the Child Timeline? But sure Zelda creating a brand new timeline also raises a few questions that kind of... make my head hurt. I'm not sure what happens exactly, I've always wondered! All we know is that Link finds himself in the Master Sword's chamber with the Door of Time already open, which hints at things happening in a different way this time (because he definitely doesn't have the three spiritual stones and the Ocarina of Time yet since this is before Ganon's coup, and the ending seems to imply that this timeline's Zelda doesn't know him yet). That's why I believe Zelda might have done something a bit more complex than sending him to a point further back in time, but there's no way to be sure. The Triforce of Courage is also visible on Link's hand during the ending, and we also know thanks to TP that the Triforce is still separated in the Child Timeline despite Link and Zelda preventing Ganon from entering the Sacred Realm this time. So maybe Zelda isn't able to change everything? It's complicated haha.
Anyway, whether OoT Zelda creates a new timeline or just sends Link further back in time, that's still huge time powers and that's not something Link is able to do by playing Zelda's Lullaby.
I also believe it is more likely that Talon inherited the ranch. True, Talon might not always have been so lazy, but maybe if that was the case the game could have hinted at hit. All we know is that he leaves his daughter alone with Ingo and only comes back after Link deals with the situation, which does not make him look so great. And he only promises to work harder after that.
I'm kind of bad with names so I'm impressed you're going through all of that trouble to rename the settlements!!
I haven't gotten to developping the technology that much yet, but I'm really interested in seeing what the different races could do with it! I love the idea of using the Sheikah to infiltrate the Yiga bases. I wish TotK had done something like that and shown the Sheikah helping Link that way.
Same, I was so excited when I heard about these pirates… and then so disappointed to find nothing more than a bunch of bokos with no backstory.
Vignoble is not related to noble (though I kind of make the association in my mind, especially since vignobles are sometimes called châteaux).
Yes I thought you could maybe use clos! Aquaticlos is funny, it can work! Though maybe you could use the same logic as for the raisins (I love this Raisins de Terre idea by the way, it makes sense!) and say that what the Zoras call a clos already refers to something that's underwater, since that's probably the case for most of what they cultivate.
I don't mind helping you with French, I'm glad to do so! You put so much effort and thought into this, it's really interesting.
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#as im aware i hav terrible med compliance w my ssri#im trying to go cold turkey to document if it DOES in fact help and i do in fact feel worse . then go back on for several weeks and see if#feel an improvement#but i forgot; im the worlds most unreliable narrator with the worlds worst memory so i rlly gotta start writing things dowb#so starting TODAY i will document my average mood and daily high daily low on a 10 point scale#and then ill make a beautiful graph#i think ill use the emotional pain scale weve all seen before if i cant find one that works better for my symptoms which is primarily#asd overload and frustration#if anyone has any ideas on how i can document better or what not pls let me know
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longlegs is a movie about mother/daughterhood for real. throws up thinking about it actually
#LONGLEGS SPOILERS IN THE TAGS#Dont look if you dont want spoilers plsssss <3#didnt looooove it btw i have my mixed feelings and criticisms but! i did like it. and liked a lot about it...#feeling left with this dreadful feeling about being trapped in childhood and trauma and your mother trying to keep you there#and doing so much so you Can grow up but still not really letting you and keeping all of you in her house and keeping your memories of -#certain events to 'protect' you and just making it harder for you and then keeping up with these phone calls and of course doing all of -#what she did to keep her little girl alive so she could grow up and none of it mattered as long as her little girl got to grow up and be -#herself and not have to worry about all of those things shes doing or that happened... even though they still directly affect her and make#her life a living hell... shes tormented by it... and phone calls and interactions with her mother feel terrible... but she loves her#and she trusts her and she doesnt know what to do with her... or how to feel... and she wants answers andhgkshdfk GAHH its good#all of lees hair and teeth and nails and all of her things from childhood still in that house... in her room... all of her memories are in#that room... including clues to That One... god#longlegs spoilers#longlegs 2024 spoilers
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I hate the Staghorns so much. every time I do their questline to get that painting I think "oh surely it's not going to make me mad this time around" and YET
#they are genuinely terrible friends#when I get to the part where they just THROW AWAY Ravaedron's gift so callously I just AYTDFASHGFD I need to bite something#they then go back like 'oh nooo we only hated your gift you worked so hard on because we would miss you 🥺' like bitch WHAT#WHAT??? that is not how a sane person reacts to someone making you a personal gift with you in mind!!!!!!!!!#like 'ooh it didn't have the right ✨meaning✨ behind it' IT WAS MADE WITH LOVE. IT WAS MADE WITH YOU AND THE LAND YOU LOVE IN MIND#AND THIS LAND HOLDS SO MANY PAINFUL MEMORIES FOR HIM. MAKING THAT PAINTING MUST HAVE BEEN SO HARD FOR HIM#BUT HE DID IT ANYWAY FOR YOU#AND YOU THROW IT AWAY#I HATE THEM I HATE THEM SO MUCH#it would have made more sense to like. find the painting stowed away in their basement or something#like at least then they wouldn't look so cruel and cold. it would be more like they just didn't know what to do with it or something#they were literally just upset it didn't have their faces on it#it's just. seeing that painting thrown away never fails to make my blood boil. the Stanghorn's motivations are all over the place#they never make any sense and then they have the AUDACITY to (even after the end of the questline when they're supposedly not mad at him)#call Ravaedron 'thick headed' and 'unwise' and 'maddening'#they are awful characters. a pain to interact with and the 2nd worst written characters in the Angle (which is saying A LOT)#and the worst part is I *know* how to fix this questline! you just need to change how that first instance goes and a few other things#and then the Staghorns don't look so racist and awful and the conflict between them almost makes sense#I'd need to write a whole post about that but I don't want to because I don't want to think about this quest
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Every time Prapai gives Sky medicine, he's narcoleptic inside 5 minutes.
#fun story: in 2018 we went to interview ex-president jimmy carter#and I had a bit of an odd feeling in my throat#august 24 2018 i remember that date well#because that was the first signs of an illness that annihilated me#i blacked out for most of the month of september- i only have very sparse memories#i had a strange kind of pneumonia the doctor hadn't seen before#and over those 6-7 months they threw every single anti-anything they could at me#IDK if I slept so well because of the knockout effects of all the antibiotics and antivirals#or because I had a recurring fever and a chronic brutal cough for 6-7 months and was terribly weak by the end#but i was sleeping so deeply the more pills they added#and now i know i can function with a 102 fever on and off for months on end#everyone- family and coworkers- also made fun of me for insisting on wearing a mask but guess what bitches#when the pandemic rolled around i still had 2 unopened boxes from being sick a year before and those were worth more than toilet paper#lita#love in the air#prapai#sky#prapaisky#true facts: I don't remember writing one of my own fics#it was during the blackout month and i refuse to read it because i think it's funnier that i don't know what it's about#i also had to work- it was one of our biggest events that we do every 4 years#two weeks straight of 14 hour days with no weekends#and i was there every single day#i have no memory whatsoever and when we did the event again in 2022 the organizers kept saying 'oh wow you're alive!'#i like to say i had the BEST time because it's a tedious af event and everyone is surly by the end#but from MY pov i was trapped in dense fog and couldn't breathe; trapped in that twilight feeling when you're neither awake nor unconscious#and then when it passed I had a nice paycheck in my account without any of the mental strain of working for it#watch
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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to be so honest im starting to think i really need to see a professional for my social anxiety
#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖#it is so bad in ways i can’t even articulate but today i felt sick over having to send one text message and procrastinated the entire day#i’ve gotten so bad recently#and that’s not even a fraction of the texts i need to reply to.. i feel like im crumbling under the weight of how awkward i am#and i hate it because im sure everyone thinks i’m rude and i know it comes off as so weird when i reply to a text fucking SIX WEEKS late#but i genuinely feel so awful and guilty over it i just cannot make myself do it. i’m so scared ill say the wrong thing or fuck up#or i just forget because i have memory issues but it’s awful all the same and i feel so terrible#and i assume everyone hates me until i see them again because i never texted back and it makes me feel like an awful person#but i have good intentions and i really just want to give everyone the kindness they deserve but i get so scared to talk to ppl it’s crazy#it’s so awful. i really need it fixed it feels like it’s rotting my soul and ruining my relationships#people will be so nice to me and then i just don’t get back to them… it’s horribly horribly rude and i know it i just get terrified#or i forget most the time i really do just forget but it feels bad all the same#i think it stems from like.. i don’t want to say the wrong thing so i need to think hard about what to say but then i forget or get so ->#caught up in trying to say the perfect thing that i get overwhelmed and procrastinate then forget entirely#i’m an awful person i truly cannot stand myself#i guess the only way forward is to just be better in the future but fuck i feel so guilty
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updated personas/subroutines: (disclaimer: i still don’t think im plural, sorry)
Pepper/Clover: the main one, not even one of the subroutines really, just the blank slate object which all the others act upon. The physical body. The only persona recognized by society.
Autopilot: the regular forms and functions of being a human being. Wake up, brush teeth, go to class, come home, go to sleep. Sometimes one of the others sneaks in and replaces it without my notice, especially when I’m talking to other people, and I don’t care for that shit at all. Routine.
Rambles: Vile little subroutine that makes my mouth move well before my brain. Sometimes I feel like I’m going on and on and I can’t stop. I don’t like conversation much because having to talk necessitates Rambles and then I feel totally out of control and I hate it. Objectively this one has its uses but it’s also my least favorite.
The Wretch: Self-loathing subroutine. Convinced it’s a worthless fuckup and probably correct. Self-sacrificing while being selfish, apologetic while seeking sympathy, paradoxically victim and passive-aggressor. The worst of both worlds. I actually put a lot of time and effort into being properly accountable the way a human being should be, but sometimes i get overemotional and I spiral and that part’s The Wretch i think.
The Doll: Control, poise, perfection, submission, obedience. Maybe if it’s perfect we can get it right this time. If it’s just perfect then nobody can criticize it. Next time it’ll get it. Never does. Masking, I think? Maybe some kind of fucked up anti-masking? Can’t keep this one up for long. Wishes it could just be quiet for once and let our actions speak for themselves, but people keep trying to talk to it, and it inevitably slips away. Probably used it more when I was working.
The Dog: Playing, eating, sleeping, rolling, getting off, singing and drawing. Simple bodily expressions. Not so bright. This one doesn’t get much of an outlet. Kind of a lump, occasionally whipped into shape by expectation. I actually kinda like being this one but it’s impossible when being perceived by another human being. The most invisible persona of them all. Immoral (amoral?) and therefore unsustainable long-term
The Magician: Doing, studying, creating, dressing, presenting. A self-styled scholar. Flashy and stylish and confident. Would describe itself as “dark academia” or something similarly edgy-but-trendy. Work and school romanticized, transmogrified into an exciting fantasy. Useful for being productive.
The Witch: Free of responsibility to society or others or ethics. A heartbreaker maneater homewrecker bitch. A natural disaster. An expression not of individuality or self, but force and violence. Claiming anything it wants by any means necessary and destroying everything in its path. Selfish to the core. Chained up in a basement somewhere. It exists but it’s cruel and it sucks so I never ever let it out. But I like to remember it’s there. A trump card, a concealed weapon. Break glass in case of emergency. I feel the shape of its outline like a knife stashed in a boot and I know I could use it if I ever needed it.
Honorable Mentions:
Poetics: Playing with sounds, words, grammar, languages, ideas until they sound musical and pleasing. Etymology research, vocabulary buff, eidetic memory for certain words and phrases, but only when they sound “right”. Possibly used for all five senses, or possibly shares overlap with Composition (visual) and Kinesthetics (touch)
Faux Marxism: Self-righteous understanding of the dialectical materialist view of history. Used mostly for impassioned speeches at inopportune moments (Rambles) or in response to perceived political threats. Poetics and Faux Marxism are both very invested in learning as much vocabulary, history, languages, and multiculturalism as possible, but for very different reasons.
Horndog: you could take all of sexuality and sprinkle it across all the other different subroutines, OR you could concentrate it into one horrible little guy.
Puzzles: The subroutine that just will NOT let a problem go until it’s solved. Character designs, meaningless research inquiries, computer software. Very very very very rarely, actual assigned tasks. The Magician wants what Puzzles has.
Hibernation: Comfy cozy blanket pillow sweater cuddle nap pile. Memorized the rhythms of the winter hibernation episodes of Tanoshii Moomin Ikka and plays them in a loop continually year-round. This one might be straight-up biological. I think I might have a vitamin deficiency.
Fog: The squishy slouchy sweaty medium that fills up whatever psychic dream space all the other personas occupy. There used to be a sense of “me” but it got covered up by all the fog what seems like years ago. That sense of wholeness, control, totality, unification. It existed once. I like to think it’s still out there, somewhere, if I just get my meds right or get enough sleep and if I can just synthesize all the others maybe I can feel “like myself” again. But all the fog covers it up. Memory issues. Whenever I get a sudden moment of clarity, and I realize I’ve been one of the more loathsome subroutines, someone I don’t recognize, I’ll have just stumbled out of the fog. Always comes with a feeling of “Why did I just say that?” Or, “What did I just say?”. Dissociation, maybe???
????: see previous. The negative space that fills everything else in. I don’t even know whether to call this one “Selfhood” or “Synthesis” or “Control” or “Autonomy” or …”Me”. That’s probably most appropriate but it feels like too foreign a word to make sense of. Whatever was here once got swallowed up by the fog, and I don’t know what it is anymore. If it was here I think I could feel like a present sensor and agent in my own life again. This is probably what people expect out of “Pepper” or “Clover”, the flagship of the armada, the face and voice of the operation. I don’t know where that person is. All the subroutines (personas?) are trying to emulate her, stall for time until she comes back. She might not ever be coming back. We might be all we have.
#welllll this is a little prolix#uhhh i’m trying to make sense of things for myself a little bit#i got my psych to up my dose so i’m hoping that helps#even if i don’t get the ‘self’ back i want to feel more in control of which persona i’m deploying at any given time#i hate feeling so out of control of myself#and i think typing it all up gives me a better sense of like- what tools i have available#now that i can see the whole arsenal i might be able to make better use of it#ummm#i really really can’t stand rambles and the wretch i was getting angry just thinking about them#BUT#obviously they’re not doing it to be terrible#there’s some kind of unmet need here#i might rename them to something a little more neutral and try to get to know them better#and then i can give them a proper outlet and maybe they’ll stop ruining my life so much#ugh it makes my fucking skin crawl trying to even acknowledge them as “me’ which is why i keep switching tenses#but i guess im me and thats something i do so i should try to be better#whatever#also yeah not really ready to admit there’s some kind of plurality here so for right now this is all a thought experiment#umm i do have some kind of learning disability and some pretty infuriating memory issues#but like i don’t really get time loss and i don’t really properly switch i just get weird moments of clarity#lucidity???#anyways#um#if you got as far as this thanks for reading#this is probably waaY too much information for any given person to have about my psyche but it’s all sufficiently abstracted i think.
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the amount of work transmeds n sysmeds n terfs will put in to ensure theyre miserable and alone forever is crazy. i guess when the agony is optional perhaps it has more appeal i've definitely contemplated breaking bones just so the pain was different like I understand misery incredibly well just like. man. you could like change and you would probably feel a whole lot better and have more friends and feel more stable????
#why choose to be better when you can lie and hurt people#I sure know how to pick 'em i guess. really I am quite talented at finding bad people who pretend#wahh trauma makes me act this way. yeah trauma makes me act terrible too. you know what i do about that? FUCKING WORK ON IT#you're not an adult. you're making fun of children on the internet for exploring their identity in harmless ways#also the concept of the dsm-5 ruling my entire life is insane to me. how do you live like this.#when i start to see the spiders i just live and let live dude#when the memories get whisked off to another guy im not like writing it down and reporting it to the did authorities#okay well i do hate the mass bug attack but everyone would hate the mass bug attack.#anyway. utterly deranged behavior. grow up#oh yes i definitely trust the united states to tell me what makes me what I am and I see no problems with this#i will blindly follow the next person in front of me. i will join this angry mob without knowing why. i will be awful and mean for no reaso#and one day when it's me i'll be SO surprised that the leopards ate MY face#you're the bad guy here. i want you to know that. you are the red right wing voice here#you're not some brilliant rebel#you're insecure and all of your points tie back to that insecurity and you will never feel better if you continue this path#i'm going to fill my life with love and fun and forget all about you and i'm not even going to know it.#and you will languish in your lack of internal deconstruction of fascist ideas that make you miserable or something idk#again grow up#my finale message. good bye#phlyaros' nonsense
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