#but mostly 3) I am so tired of it being blow after blow after blow

[hobisexually]

x

[jazzyblusnowflake]

Alright, we've had Nuzi headcanons. We've now had Vuzi headcanons... Let's heart it, you're Violent Biting Biscuits headcanons, N x Uzi x V... Or if you'd rather complete the set, eNVy headcanons. I am curious of both. (Your headcannons are just super cute)

Holy hecc, I'm so sorry for answering these asks so late but i'm gonna be honest- I just never think anyone likes my writings or ever reads them XD

okay then lets see- my ViolentBitingBiscuits headcanons- i will put eNVy for the next ask because someone else asked for it too and they wont all fit here lol.

My NUziV headcanons ovo<3 :

[once again these are only the drone versions, the human versions aren't involved / also i may add some 🔞🔞🔞 ones this time lol >:3 also uhhh apologies in advance but this one is long as all hell so....um]

K we know the drill, they are all together- hopefully in the future- even if any of them dies i'm gonna pretend i do not see 🙄 deadass gonna treat this like the jjba fandom- my faves are ALIVE AND WELL SHUT UP ARAKI-

Okay so there's some things that we have already mentioned in the previous headcanons- ill try to not repeat them unless they are necessary but ill also try to treat this as its own post and lightly repeat them real quick too-

N and V started out fighting over Uzi, and Uzi obviously was mostly into N at first- but after a while i guess Vs advances got to her- especially since she was- in a way- so desperate for attention/affection, so it felt a little overwhelming to her but in a good way. they very obviously flirted with her which got them silently treating it as a challenge- and Uzi being Uzi obviously loved the attention she got out of it- opting to let this just... kinda continue lmao. she didn't expect to let it go far enough for her to end up with both of them but here we are XD

We slightly touched this topic before about V but to reiterate- all of them have different levels of trauma that they all deal with and currently V has gone through the worst of it, both having to endure Cyn's torture in her mindspace and also having to watch N get slaughtered in front of her and possibly even having a hand in it. She fears losing people that mean to her so she became avoidant with a difficult personality to guard whatever's left of her. It took a really long time for her to decide to be with the two and to protect them and not run away from her feelings for anyone or anything. but some days its still difficult for her so sometimes N and Uzi have to literally trap her into a wrestling cuddle pile or something to get her to just... exist, without feeling like the whole universe is weighing her down. N and Uzi want her to know they are there to protect HER from those inner demons too.

sometimes the cuddle piles end up with N and V once again trying to get Uzi's attention lmao which ends up with them being a little too horny on main- whoops :) - everything starts with a little nibble here, a small bite there - maybe some pillow fights and climbing over eachother or holding one another down in different positions- aaaand then they wake up a few hours later with Uzi having regrets cuz these two are horny as f-

ANYWAY- N is probably the most patient of the 3, and although he usually never breaks up fights because he trusts the other two to handle their own problems without him needing to mom them, sometimes Uzi and V go a lil too far and he gets very tired of dealing with this kind of behavior. he never blows up at them- but he usually goes away to take a breather- sometimes hanging out with Thad or the other drones- and during this time Uzi and V kinda feel bad- but then they would think of stuff like maybe planning dates or getting food for him, draw stuff on cards and etc- or go around trying to find gifts to make him happy<3 sometimes they might add some extra kisses and unwinding sessions in the end as an extra treat :p N always forgives them obviously, he just needs some guys night out every once in a while or something lmao-

Getting close to Uzi became an excuse for N and V to get closer to eachother too. ironically, it first started with them bantering about who is better at what- but then it turned into unironically flirting and teasing eachother- but after a while they realized their relationship isn't going to ever be the same as what it was back in their old days but its also something completely new, so they become more willing to accept one another and explore their newer dynamic.

they all love being coddled and pampered every now and then. Uzi and V may not outright admit it- but they really do too. so they take turns with who they put in the middle of receiving affection :p

N and V are VERYYYYYY over protective of Uzi. to the point that they wouldn't even let the doctor [for tech repair obviously] check Uzi or touch her in any way when she had a small virus case lol. Khan had to pay the poor doctor extra for that.... deciding to leave his daughter in her room in a cuddle pile of two murderous demons that have glowing cat eyes every time he comes in the room smh.

V and N really like cuddling Uzi and sticking their hands under her clothes. or sometimes just flat out sleeping or cuddling naked. its less of a sexual thing and more so to do with the fact that the two MD's have higher body temperature and a less efficiant body for cooling- since they have a more compact torso and a lot less oil and coolant fluids going through them [since they need to consume it continuously] and having a bunch of working nanobots and nanites shoved into them to turn into weapons/wings/etc- and Uzi- although having the AS- is still very much less in need of cooling due to still having a more efficient body design for a "exoplanetary worker unit", with a still functioning cooling system inside that doesn't necessarily need extra oil to make it work unless under stressful conditions.... even if she probably does have worms and fleshy tentacles inside her now lmao. But either way Uzi's body is still a lot colder than the others so she's usually shared in the middle and at this point Uzi cant even be embarrassed when they slide their hands under her clothes and grab her wherever smh..... although V also does it as a semi possessive thing so there's that pfft. she was especially handsy after that doctor left XDDD.

Yes Uzi has very much in fact ended up at the medical/tech repair unit multiple times because N and V have sometimes ended up being a bit too much for her to handle- and the doctor [a character yall shall meet later] has absolutely had it. She had to literally sit the 3 down, explain to them their body differences via scans and the damages they may cause Uzi and it was basically the robot version of having "the talk" with your child- and Uzi wanted to die there and then.

Uzi sometimes just tells the two to drink blood from her- the first time they wanted to share oil they were scared about accidentally causing Uzi to overheat- but after a few times of trying it, they continued doing it more frequently either by kissing and regurgitating or taking turns to bite Uzi or vice versa. N and V typically don't use one another's oil because they already have high usage as it is, it wouldn't be efficient. admittedly N and V always have concerns when it came to biting Uzi- but somehow they found out Uzi actually enjoys it a little when they do it and well...they get ideas lmao- they just make sure to lick her indents clean with their regenerative saliva to make the AS work as little as possible on Uzi's body.

N really enjoys seeing his partners smooch..... for study purposes ofc lmao- actually he uses his visor to take pictures sometimes- let the man be a little horny in peace smh. and don't worry Uzi and V know all this- they just wanna tease him a little bit :p

Uzi and N usually chit chat while they are in the bed until they fall asleep- but V prefers to just hug Uzi on the side listening to them while they talk until she falls asleep too

they love going around in human based areas with shops and stuff to find books to read together or any other fun human stuff they can find- maybe table top games? lol- V goes for the sports stuff. she kinda wanna try hitting something with a bat...

[okayyyy so tumblr doesn't let me write any more XD i def have more ideas but oh well. also ill save the eNVy for another ask that i have in my inbox so you'll get that soon too :p]

[trailmixedup]

OKAY! So!! I am one week post op from top surgery and here are the things I have learned:

• nothing prepares you for how fucking bloated you get. It is emotionally and physically devastating.

• eat protein or you’re going to start dreaming about it.

• get ready to literally not have any reading comprehension or speaking ability until you’re after the heavy pain med. and then after that as well…

• holy shit your back is gonna hurt. You can’t crack it. No twisting.

• you can’t use ice packs on your actual chest, but they’re lifesavers to sleep with- I put mine under my neck on my pillow to keep my neck from cramping.

• the pressure and tension on your chest is uncomfortable but not unbearable. Mostly it’s just annoying.

• you need pockets. Dear gods you NEED pockets.

• you do not want pants with a button. The button pants will not fit and it will make you sad. It’s just not even worth trying. Just have drawstring pants, it’s easier on the ego.

• wiping your ass is hard now. I’m sorry.

• blowing your nose hurts. Sneezing hurts. Coughing hurts. Laughing hurts. Just… avoid needing too much lung capacity all at once.

• If you have body hair prepare for your compression garments to hurt. My skin is so tender and painful all of the time. And there’s no break.

• if you keep your nipples you won’t be allowed to shower for 2 weeks. You’re going to start stinking. Have someone around you that is willing to wash your hair like how they wash babies hair. Also have rubbing alcohol so that you can neutralize your armpit stink because deodorant is off limits for your healing incisions.

• chapstick is not optional. You’re going to want it.

• same goes for a big cup with a well-sealed lid and a straw. Drink so much water.

• you’re going to feel helpless and useless. It sucks. It’s okay. Don’t push yourself.

• you’re going to want to wear pants with pockets to bed so you have somewhere to put your drains. You’ll be so tired that it doesn’t matter for the first couple days.

• you want the longest phone charger known to man. I promise. There is no such thing as too long.

• ask for the anti-nausea patch. You’re going to want it, and it lasts like 3 days. Throwing up HURTS.

• the healthier you can be before the surgery the easier your recovery is going to be. It isn’t fatphobic or stuck up or whatever else people say to lose excess weight and eat super clean before your surgery. Start moving your body every day. Start practicing going from sitting to standing and laying to standing without using your hands. Your body will reward effort to be healthy with safer surgery and easier healing.

• oh my god buy a serious laxative that you know works for you. Your body will literally forget how to shit.

• if you can, buy paper medical tape, gauze pads, and extra strength Tylenol. You will use them.

• plan to take naps. There is no weakness in a nap.

• get up and stretch your legs hourly. I promise it’s worth it. You will feel so much better.

• you’re going to want a hat or some sort of hair control.

• if the binder doesn’t fit you in the arm holes, you don’t have to let it chafe at your armpits and hurt like a mother fucker. Just cut the arm holes wider with a pair of scissors.

• have some sort of routine. You’ll fall apart otherwise.

• you’re going to be snippy and bitchy. Get ready to apologize for being an asshole. Short tempers happen, but don’t forget to say sorry.

• prepare yourself for all the random tape and other stuff to itch. You just have to grin and bear it. Things are so itchy.

That’s all I can think of right now, plus I’m sleepy. I will add to the list when I think of more ^_^

[geode-crystal]

Magic Whump Week, Shocking Grasp

Magic Whump Week. Day 3: Human Battery/ "Give us more"

Dipping into my DnD wizard's backstory! Excited to share this one, since I absolutely adore @kabie-whump 's boi Ventis and am honored to join the ranks of DnD whump!

560 words.

Characters: Chimalus (the wizard), Merrick (their non-wizard father)

CW: parental abuse (mostly emotional at this stage, no physical blows exchanged), magic whump, trauma responses, kinda sort of vaguely in the Conditioned Whumpee territory?

And probably does not match the DnD rules as written but hey, we have fun here.

___________________________

Shocking Grasp was such a simple spell. It cost so little to cast. And it yielded devastating results.

So it was no real wonder to Chimalus that their father wanted to use it in one of his… experiments.

It was another invention, this time. Another attempt to combine magic with mechanical structure. Honestly, Chimalus almost found that a relief. They, personally, would not be the one tested today.

Their comfort was short lived. Setting foot in their father’s stark room assaulted them with memories. Made them stand rigid, trying to stop themself from shaking.

Their father hated it when they trembled. It only made him angry much, much faster. Faster even than failure.

But this time, their task was so wonderfully simple. Not even worth trembling about. All they had to do was use their magic to power the machine. That was it. They were used to much more difficult experiments. Ones that were far more draining. Far more painful. Shocking Grasp didn’t even carry the risk of any backlash. Unlike other spells. Unlike other things their father had asked of them.    

They wouldn’t fail. They couldn’t. Too many spells, too many experiments had already gone wrong. And it was all Chimalus’ fault. Merrick had made that very clear.

Another failure meant incurring Merrick’s wrath. Again. Chimalus couldn’t afford that.

They would not fail this time.  

Everything would be fine.

That was what Chimalus kept telling themself. If nothing else, it led to them being almost eager to use the spell again and again. It was easy. Something even Chimalus couldn’t possibly mess up.

It started off well. Chimalus grabbed hold of the machine part that Merrick ordered them to hold. And they cast their spell. Once. Twice. The little sparks of lightning danced in their vision. It was almost beautiful, in a haunting sort of way. And Chimalus didn’t feel tired at all.

Not at first.

They quickly lost track of how many times they cast. Their voice was ragged from speaking the words over and over. Their free hand burned with exhaustion from the repeated gesture, however subtle that gesture was. But their father was so much more encouraging than usual. When he wasn’t muttering under his breath, or tinkering with something in the machine, he was actually speaking to them. And he was speaking in that way that told Chimalus that he was actually focused on them. On their task.

“That’s it, Chimalus. Go on.”

So Chimalus kept at it, filled both with renewed purpose and an odd sense of relief.

Then Merrick’s tone shifted.

Chimalus’ blood ran cold.

“Come now, Chimalus. You can do better than that.”

And Chimalus tried. They tried to do better.

“You must be stronger, Chimalus. I need more.”

Chimalus understood. He needed more from them.

He always needed more from them.

And Chimalus just had to provide.

So they pushed themself. They gave everything their father wanted. More power. More focus. More energy. More of themself. Each repeat of the spell made them more exhausted. Exhausted enough to give into those treacherous shivers.

But it was fine. Everything was fine. They would push through, they would get past this, and Merrick would be happy. Happy enough, perhaps, to leave them alone for the rest of the day. Happy enough for Chimalus to avoid any type of punishment.

After all, Shocking Grasp was such a simple spell…   

[star-going-supernova]

You know a fanfic that I am surprised no one else has written yet is one where Vanny comes back.

Like imagine a few weeks or so after the 3 star ending, the 3 of them are getting acclimated to each living in Vanessa's house or apartment. Ya boi Greg is finally used to the idea of having 2 caring adult like figures, Vanessa's nightmares are starting to not be as bad, and although Freddy's hrad was returned to the pizzaria, he is still able to communicate and walk around the apartment in the form of a large Lonely Freddy type toy that is connected to the Pizza plex with some super wifi.

Then it all goes wrong, one morning after waking up and eating breakfast Gregory gets up to wash his plate (or something), and that's when it happens. Vanessa suddenly doesn't feel... quite like herself. She feels...slower? At first she would probably dismiss it as her just being tired still. Then she feels herself getting up from her seat, and then reach for a knife that was left on the countertop ( she still has knifes, mostly for Greg to use to spread butter on toast and the like)

It is only when she hears a voice...HER voice that she connects the dots, Vanny is back . Now all she can do is watch as her worst nightmare, watching herself kill Gregory, a kid she has come to truly care about , comes true. Gregory, meanwhile, has just finished washing his plate and is about to head to his room and get ready for school when he turns and sees Vanessa blocking the way out of the small kitchen corridor. He is about to ask what she is doing when he notices the knife in her hand and her... eyes. Except that her eyes are now glowing a distinct purple instead of their normal green, ones he hasn't seen since . Calming green eyes that had reassured him after many a nightmare along with Freddy being himself. Gregory quickly comes to the same conclusion that the person in front of him is no longer the caring Vanessa.

Through all of this, Freddy was with Gregory near the sink talking about something random or making some dad joke (You are my Morbest friend, superstar!) He follows a similar thought process as above and also is unable to assist due to the toy he communicates through being made primarily of stuffing and a basic endoskeleton, thus lacking any defensive components to protect Gregory with.

Vanny raises her arm, Gregory is looking for a way out. He is also preparing for the possibility of being killed, and he doesn't want to give Vanny the satisfaction of being scared if that happens. Vanessa through all this is trying desperately to retake control all the while Vanny mocks her efforts, making sure that Vanessa won't be able to mentally look away from the death of her savior. Freddy is preparing to try and jump in front of Gregory at the last second to try and cushion the blow of the knife. Just before Vanny is able to deliver the killing blow, she dissappears. No warning at all, Freddy and Gregory watch as Vanessa's eyes flicker from purple back to green, drops the knife and collapses to the floor, hugs herself and sits in complete silence for a few seconds before bursting into hysterical tears.

Wow this got really long I apologize, I'm going to end it here. I can talk .keep about this Au of mine if yall want.

Later today, I'll be posting a "Vanny comes back" ficlet inspired by this ask, but this is so long on its own that I decided to separate them, lol.

[aidenpriceless]

Which Shrek character would excel the most in PFL, in your opinion?

Greetings. Apologies for forgetting this reply in the drafts, hopefully you are not inconvenienced by the delay. Am I correct in assuming that you would like me to draw some comparisons between the cast of the Shrek animated movie franchise and the roles of our agents? In that case, this question would require an in-depth analysis of their abilities for me to formulate a satisfying response.

There are plenty of characters within the source material, but let us stick with our main entries: Shrek, Donkey, Princess Fiona, and Puss in Boots.

Shrek

Superhuman Strength (diminishes when transformed into a human)

Durability (survived being burned alive)

Can travel on foot for miles without tiring

Hand-To-Hand Combat (Krav Maga, Irish Street Fighting)

Survival skills from living in the swamp

Improvising plans

Knowledge of fairytales and ogre lore

Powerful roar he can use to blow people backwards

Bonus abilities from the original book: swallowing lightning, heat vision, fire breathing

If we were to compare Shrek to any of our agent, we might see resemblances with Agent Washington and Agent Maine. His durability and being a jack of all trades would certainly make him an asset to our organization. He is likely to meeting our standards, in terms of performance. His temper, however, can cause many issues and further observation would be required to establish the proper measures we need to take. 8-/10

Princess Fiona

Master Martial Artist

Superhuman Strength (As an Ogre)

Durability

Expert Weapon Combatant (in the alternative world of Shrek Forever After), can hit targets while blindfolded

Team Leadership (in the alternative world of Shrek Forever After)

Princess Fiona is most similar to Agent Carolina, as we have seen the speed with which both are capable of landing hits. Her already enhanced strength is a great addition. She would benefit from using our camouflage armour enhancement and become virtually unstoppable. 9.5/10

Puss in Boots

Combat Proficiency (mostly as a swordsman) despite his small size

Sharp claws

Expert thief and hunter (thanks to speed and fluidity of movement which he also uses in dance challenges)

Distraction, using his cute nature

Guitar playing

Implied to be at least bilingual

Even more so than Princess Fiona, Puss In Boots is fast. Due to his ability to deceive, he would benefit from a holographic projection enhancement such as the one assigned to Agent Connecticut, who shares the usage of blades as her main weapon. In short, there is potential, but the determining factor is the presence and focus on the mission. Those values may not align with this character. I would not send him on a mission alone and not expect him to wander on his own. 7/10

Donkey

Empathy

Ability to keep secrets

Diplomacy, with which he has successfully changed others' stance regarding people or issues

As you may have noticed from exploring the franchise yourself, Donkey's special...Skillsets do not unfortunately include combat, which is the main requirement in hiring our agents. (3/10) If we are not strictly talking codenamed agents, there is plenty of members from freelancer personnel who could instruct him to a suitable profession. Namely, our field medic for simulation troopers, mr Frank DuFresne.

[lanternlightss]

📓 for the ask game thing! i want to know!

(ask game)

slides into the room and smiles. my first favorite thing to do to characters is squish and fawn over them. my second favorite thing is to torment them /j

anyways: what if. we took. a hammer to loop and siffrin.

SO. loop cat au. somewhere in, hmm, act 3, where you’re repeatedly fighting against the king !! and trying to get information !!! unfortunately this siffrin is tired and also is not good at fighting the king so he keeps. dying. to him. this is important information for later—notably the part where siffrin is beginning to take the dive into exhausted apathy and annoyance.

loop here. accidentally. makes a wish (i cannot decide how to word it, but something to do withh someone being better suited to the whole “guiding” thing. they don’t want to do this. they shouldn’t do this. the universe is just like ?? aren’t you already. oh well. squints. folks like cats, right.) And Well !! oops !!! when the next loop starts, they are no longer human shaped, and stare horrified at their paws. cut to siffrin who is laying in the field coming up with a new way to insult the king before hearing ?? yowling ?? coming closer to him ??? and getting a handful of cat launching themself at him.

siffrin trying to make sure this cat doesn’t get flung off: hello ????? are you okay ???? (since when was there a cat out here.)

loop: [Something. Has Not. Gone To Plan.]

siffrin: LOOP ???????????????

and now siffrin has a new snag to iron out !!! and a new party member, because, for as complicated loop’s feelings are towards siffrin, i feel like. they. wouldn’t want to be alone, rn. the universe already fucked them over once and now they’re having to deal with an even LESSER lack of autonomy. plus, this way it’ll be even easier to make sure everything goes right !!! (<- is what they keep telling themself, trying not to bolt from the house.) (i also really really want to explore what would happen if loop just dragged siffrin out, alone, and was like. okay we’re doing this ourselves okay. loop hangout part 2. you ready. i am not. don’t look into that. you didn’t hear that. let’s go. And Then continuing to experiment like that, just the two of them.) (<- ALSO ALSO this would make an act 5 situation :] very interesting. because they !!! have the optiioonnn. of following. right after. and also i wonder if this would make both of them even more “throw shit at the wall” after learning wish craft because. if they can break the time loop wish. they can. break this wish, right?) i swear this would be a mostly fluffy fic. loop cuddles up to siffrin when they have to sleep and keeps denying it.

loop does interact with the rest of the party at one point too :] after siffrin accidentally blows up the secret that they’re stowing away a cat, which does not go well 🤍 they look like this for almost the entire duration of it:

[clumsiestgiantess]

Day 3: Cozy

A short from the Fantasy/Reality universe that I talked about here. (The tinies’ heights are actually around two centimeters, not two inches, idk why I mixed up the two)

The farmhouse was rarely a lively place.  Once in a while the surrounding neighbors would gather at Heather’s for a celebration of some birthday or holiday, but other than that, it was just her and her small self-owned farm.  Of course, there were multiple farmhands who came and went, taking various jobs off her hands for a time, but they had their own places to live.  Especially with the arrival of winter, the farmhouse would normally be a dull place.  But with the almost simultaneous discovery of two sentient humanoid races living on the farm, the normal lonely chain of events had been disrupted.

Vine, Sage, and Seril sat together on the windowsill, watching snow swirl across the ground.  All three of them only took up about five inches of space.  Heather threw another log on the fire and they flinched as it crackled and flickered around the new wood.  She had to watch her step as she walked across the room to her cushioned chair beside the window.  There were at least 30 or 40 people wandering about on the floor, all of which were less than an inch tall.  The entire village of cights, as well as a group of fairies, had taken shelter in Heather’s house.  Once she’d warned everyone of the impending early snowstorm, Sage had asked if she, her brother, and a few of her friends could stay over until the storm passed.  From there, more and more people asked to stay over until Heather decided to simply open the doors — anyone was welcome.

With a tired huff she sat herself down on the comfortable reclining chair, but not before double-checking its surface for any smaller guests.  “Are we all stormwatching this afternoon?” Heather asked the little group on the windowsill.  Sage leapt up excitedly, grabbing her makeshift megaphone.  They were all so small they needed devices like that just so she could hear them.  She’d gotten pretty good at making the tiny things having crafted so many.  When it was just her and Sage, the cight would just yell into an empty echoey water bottle to be heard.  “The snowflakes the same size as I am!  I’m so glad I don’t have to be out in that!”  Still, her little voice was not nearly at a normal volume, but at the very least it would be heard.

“Thank you for letting everyone stay here,” her brother Vine added.  “And if you hadn’t told us about the storm, we wouldn’t have cleared the fields in time.”  Heather nodded, “Of course!  I would have opened my house up to all of you every winter if I knew you were out there.”  Seril tugged at his arm, “It’s getting colder here; can we maybe skip watching the snow today?  It’s the same thing we saw yesterday.”  Vine laughed and excused himself, draping his coat over the fairy’s shivering wings.  They both wandered away towards the heat of the fire down a little rope that had been set up to provide access for such a small race.  Heather looked down to the last remaining cight; she rubbed her hands over her arms to warm up.  “I wasn’t cold until she mentioned it,” Sage grumbled, “I like watching the snow.  I like being out in it!  Mostly because it feels better coming back in to warm up, though.”

After a moment of glancing between the window and the fireplace, she strode up to the glass.  Heather had to lean over to see what she was doing.  Blowing the tiniest warm breath on the freezing glass pane, she began doodling on it, drawing pictures in the condensation — a trick she’d been fascinated by yesterday, when Heather showed it to her.  Sage huffed in annoyance as her drawings quickly dissipated into the air as the glass cooled off again.  Her little breaths weren’t enough to keep the drawings for more than a few seconds at a time.  “Heather?” she asked hesitantly, turning to face the single gigantic eyeball that watched her with kindness.  It was strange and even terrifying to see at first, but she’d gotten used to sights like that.  They came with having such a large friend.

“Can you blow on it like last time?  Yours stayed up for like.. a whole minute.”  Heather nodded happily, letting heat drift from her open mouth to the glass.  It fogged up in an instant.  “There you go, enjoy!”  Sage thanked her and drew for a while before the seeping cold finally got to her.  The sound of her teeth chattering blocked out any artistic thoughts.  It didn’t take much for a small cight to freeze, but a human…  Humans had so much warmth naturally radiating from their skin, and to the tiny shivering person on the windowsill, the heat was practically calling to them.  “Heather, I’m c-cold-”  Before Sage could finish her sentence, a gigantic hand slid in front of her like a wagon pulling up to her doorstep.  “Get in,” she said with a smile.

It was a bit of a struggle for the two centimeter tall cight to climb into the human’s hand, but it was all worth it once she did.  Her tiny form was slid between two gentle fingers and lifted up to the human’s chest.  Warmth flooded through her body, and she shivered involuntarily, casting away the cold.  Sage sighed, soaking in the heat of such an impossible place.  “Are you warm enough, Sage?” Heather asked with laughter in her voice.  Sage’s wistful sigh had whistled through the megaphone accidentally.  “Yeah, you’re so much cozier than the fire.  It’s too hot over there.”  “And too far away,” came a remark from the floor.  Vine and Seril had only just made it to the wooden floorboards right below the window.  “Do you think we can join in?” Seril asked hopefully, zooming up to buzz in Heather’s ear.  “Sure!  There’s plenty of room for you two.  Scootch on in.”  

Seril landed gracefully on Heather’s shoulder, laying lightly against the side of her neck.  She waited patiently as Heather brought Vine up in her hand.  He hopped off and she carefully guided him to sit with her.  Seril only offered because if she fell, she could right herself in the air and fly right back up, but if Vine fell, he didn’t have wings to help him.  Sure, Heather would probably catch him, but it was still better to avoid it rather than try to stop it once it happened.

With everyone situated, Heather carefully sat back in her chair, filled with her own sort of warmth through looking after everyone.  It was surreal and utterly fascinating that there were two people sitting in the crook of her neck and shoulder, deep in conversation, and another rather needy person squirming between her fingers.  She slid Sage onto the pad of her thumb and held her up to her face so she could see her properly.  With her tiny size, Heather rarely got a decent look at her cight friend.  She knew her hair was black (or maybe dark brown) and she might have blue eyes, though Heather couldn’t be sure, but it really didn’t matter what Sage looked like.  The two had been through so much together that something as silly as not knowing someone’s hair or eye color really couldn’t matter less.

Sage grinned widely, slowly coming to stand on the edge of the woman’s finger, using the tip of her nose for balance.  “Do I look like how you remember?” she asked, balancing the makeshift megaphone so it wouldn’t slip out of her hands.  “Hmm.. you might’ve shrunk a little,” Heather mused jokingly.  Sage rolled her eyes and gestured to the side of Heather’s head.  “Can I sit on your other shoulder so I don’t feel precariously balanced between life and death?”  Heather snickered, “Just let me look at you for a second!  I rarely get to see you.”  “You see me all the time; I’m literally living in your house now!”  The human rolled her eyes, “You know what I mean.”  Cautiously settling Sage between two fingers, Heather brought her directly in front of her eye.  The tiny woman was about the same height as it.

At last she was able to confirm that Sage’s eyes were, in fact, blue.  Sage herself tried to look bored, but she couldn’t hold back the recognition of how impossibly stunning such a large iris looked like so close up, and found herself staring in awe.  Finally, the human brought her away and set her gently on her other shoulder.  “Tomorrow we’ll go outside and see the snow like you wanted,” Heather promised, “The storm’s supposed to die down by then.”  She turned, her breath blissfully warm against Sage’s skin.  “Alright,” the cight replied, trying hard not to let the bliss she felt seep into her voice.  “I think I can tolerate another day inside.”

[udaberriwrites]

Fic Writer Self Rec

Fic authors self-rec! ✨ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers ❤️

Oooh, a chance to ramble about my fics, I see, well let's do this! Thank you, @sliebman10!

Let's tag... @mikaharuka , @alpaca-clouds , @thememoryofthatday , @sapphosewrites , @axolotlsupremacyowo , @0nelittlebirdtoldme , @kayedium-writes and @tsunderewatermelon !

Ok, ok, so... as usual, I'm going to be jumping around, because you guys know how my attention span can be xD

1. Life is a Rollercoaster; or Tao Xu's Fight Against the Big Butterfly of Doom (Heartstopper | 11.1k | Fluff, Humor, Time Travel)

Tao got the chance to go back in time and undo his worst mistake. Tao prevented Charlie from being outed or bullied. Tao changed things enough that, the second time around, Charlie didn't get assigned the seat next to Nick Nelson in form.

…Fuck.

Or: the Butterfly Effect sucks, and if Tao has to take desperate measures to ensure his friend's happiness, he will. He draws the line at Iron Man 2 though, someone has to keep some standards around here.

I binged the show and immediately got the urge to write something for it, but I didn't expect it to blow up as it did! I had fun with this one, and the readers were super nice and encouraging, plus sharing this one is what led me to eventually meet @mikaharuka as we rambled over our fics, so for that alone it's always going to have a special significance for me ��

2. Neither Grief Nor Glory (TSOA/Hades | 7.6k | Angst, Smut)

Dying had been a relief, but death is turning into its own kind of torment.

Dying was just the beginning. Achilles' journey back to Patroclus is a long and twisted one. Along the way he'll have to confront his unaddressed grief, face his many regrets and learn to truly become a man worthy of Patroclus' unconditional love.

But like all journeys, eventually he'll reach his safe harbor.

My first yuletide! This one took months and a couple of minor breakdowns, but the end result is something I am very proud of, both in terms of the prose and the worldbuilding. And my giftee left the loveliest comment ☺️

3. All That Matters (Asterix the Gaul | 2.6k | Character Study, Queerplatonic Relationships)

Asterix has always felt different, but he has Obelix, and that is usually enough. Everybody else has questions, however, and he grows tired of answering.

"He wants to shout, even if he still doesn't know what he wants to say, even if he knows that if he lets his frustration take hold of his tongue, he will regret the harm he will cause."

This was... very, very cathartic to write. I remember rewriting sections of this so often, and I am humbled by the response it had. It was a very validating experience.

4. Life is a Flower, Love is the Honey (Deep Space Nine | 9.5k | Romance and Fluff)

“I don’t think Julian would like that,” Leeta said, without pausing to think about it, but… “We could ask him,” Rom had replied. And wasn’t that an interesting idea?

(A self-indulgent, mostly Rom-centric, Julian/Leeta/Rom fic because I was re-watching ‘Bar Association’ and this happened. I have no regrets.)

The one that brought me back into writing, after several years of hiatus... and the one that gave me confidence to push on, even if I nearly backed out due to it featuring a strange rarepair. This story is always going to be special for me <3

4. When You Speak, I Hear Silence (Deep Space Nine | 1.8k | Friendship)

Terok Nor is no more, and strange new aliens are coming to the newly named Deep Space Nine. Nog doesn't expect life to change; but then he finds a friend, who gives him the greatest gift he will ever receive.

If there's a fic where I wouldn't change a single word or a moment of the writing process, it has to be this one. I'm so glad I didn't go with my initial idea, because this version with Jake&Nog just made things click for me ^_^

[00bummer]

i stopped using this blog like 4 years ago bc i became less catastrophically depressed and also i felt that after my last major breakup i was using it in a really self destructive & self flagellating way, & i pretty much stopped using twitter like a year ago too because i could feel myself becoming a certified Boyfriend Girl and it was annoying. and i haven’t been journaling for a few years either. idk why, i think maybe bc i was just sick of thinking & talking about myself. i haven’t been in therapy or taken any medication in like 3 years either. idk, i’ve just been trying to live my life & it’s mostly been working. i don’t live with my mom anymore. i have a really wonderful partner and we’re very in love, & it’s been two years & i haven’t done anything to blow it up yet. i have a semi-grownup job that i make like zero money at & i’m way too emotionally entangled with, but it doesn’t make me want to kill myself, so it beats making lattes. i still feel a white hot lance of panic in my brain when i think about the future, but there’s nothing i can really do about that. i’m like a “normal” weight now, which upsets me if i actually think about it, so mostly i just lock that part of my brain in a cage and call it a day. idk. maybe that’s “recovery” maybe i’m just being a coward about it. i feel a lot of guilt bc i used to pay attention to the world and what was happening in it, & i had a lot of opinions about justice and fairness and the fate of humanity, and now i pretty much just play d&d and listen to podcasts of other people playing d&d. i only want to listen to the same albums and watch the same movies i already like. i think i should probably make new friends bc all my old ones keep moving away, but the thought of doing that makes me really tired. i’m only 27 which feels too young for my personality and interests to become this fossilized.

& i know this all sounds like complaining, but i’m mostly pretty happy these days. things are more good than bad.

idk why i felt the need to write this all out, i think i’ve just been feeling like… intellectually flat these days. like i used to spend a lot more time thinking about. uh everything i guess. i feel like i sacrificed my interest and curiosity for the world in exchange for being less miserable and it worked but now i’m kind of bored.

i really don’t know what the point of this is!

i guess if you’re out there, so am i, & i hope you’re doing well.

[sheepskinnedgoat]

I guess it's greatly possible that I have a very... I don't know, skewed perspective about stuff like abuse and harm as a mentally ill person. People say stuff so broadly and I can't begin to describe how much seeing that stuff at my lowest points harmed me and made me worse. People are very good at framing things in ways that made me feel like they don't actually believe in people healing and doing better after making really huge mistakes. Because I made BIG ones and I regret them so fucking deeply. I am fighting with the concept of self-forgiveness because I've been taught that there's no retribution for shitty and abusive behavior.

I don't want to be so bold as to lay out what happened, but I guess I might as well. My wife is encouraging me and I've been wanting to talk about it, anyway.

Trigger warning for discussion of abuse, mental health, and suicide under cut.

Last year, when my mom started dying, I started declining very rapidly and severely. I don't think I've ever outright said this because of how I've been treated in the past for being open, but I have Bipolar I Disorder. I've seen doctors and therapists on an off over the last decade+ since my diagnosis. My struggle is a common one. I'm very typical of someone with extreme mood swings and psychosis. I most frequently experience dysphoric mania, which is where my psychosis typically rears its ugly head.

In these moments until last year, all of my shitty behavior mostly involved me expressing anger and frustration with wall hitting, throwing my things to break them, hurting myself, and degrading my wife. It was not always this way, but moving away from home and having an unforgiving job lead to me falling back off my medication. Over the last 3-4 years, I have become very terrible in my health and how I act when my brain overreacts to situations and stresses around me.

Then Mom got cancer.

I began having even more cycling, lots and lots of depression, increasing suicidal thoughts, and episodes. Bad episodes. One of the holidays I was meant to go see my mom, I had a serious meltdown because I was tired of going to see how much closer she was. It was hard seeing her dying. She was worse every time I made it out, and something minor had triggered another episode. I then locked myself in the bathroom and tried to kill myself.

My wife tried stopping me. I became physically violent and started saying really horrible things. This episode came to an end, and it seemed despite everything I had done very little physical damage to her by her own account. I do not remember much about what I actually did or said. It's like a faded dream I had once and only the outlines are left.

I had another episode I do not remember, triggered by seemingly nothing. She informed me later on I had hit her, and asked me why. I was unable to explain, because I didn't even know what she was referring to. I do now, but the overall details are gone.

Later on, not terribly long before she passed away, I tried to end things again. I recklessly drove to a graveyard on the back roads and began attempting to hurt myself. I started getting calls, my phone blowing up. I have some vague memories, but I am not sure if all of them are real. I do know I ignored my mom out of shame, but eventually answered my aunt. I think at the beginning I answered my wife and berated her before hanging up, but I'm not positive. I wanted to die more than anything else in the world. I was so angry. I don't even know why. My wife remembers how it unfolded, but ultimately none of it makes sense.

That was also the day my neighbor decided to pick a fight with me about my animals, which then snowballed in her repeatedly calling animal control, lol. Did not work out the way she wanted. She kept lying to them to get them out to see them, but they could never find the starving, tortured animals. What a fucking nightmare that was on top of everything.

My mom died, and I don't really remember how I felt or reacted or what I did during that time. It's difficult, and I think it's because I have been blocking it out as much as possible. Losing my mom was something I knew would be hard, but I deeply underestimated it.

Later on in the year, I did try killing myself again. Once again she tried stopping me, and even kicked in the door. It got more physically violent than the last time and I was more vicious and cruel.

Overall, I'm stuck with guilt and shame and self-hatred. Beyond these incidents, I lapsed repeatedly into despicable actions and behavior. I frequently feel out of control, but not everything I say to her is done in these extreme episodes where I'm trying to hurt myself. Rage is unfortunately a really major symptom for me, and it's activated by some of the dumbest shit. I feel like some things have become bad habits, and I'm constantly having to talk out things with my spouse because I cannot even imagine what it must be like to be on the receiving end of needless cruelty and vitriol.

I know what I have done is largely abusive and wrong. Things have been bad enough that I kept having long periods of not wanting help. All I have wanted is death, to not exist, to end what I'm feeling. Being angry is not fun. Being in pain sucks. Being sick is terrible. I am devastated by what I have done, but somehow my wife is holding strong and pushing me forward. Because of her, I managed to drag myself into getting therapy. I got lucky that someone in my local community is a therapist with the same disorder as me, and when she advertised openings I jumped on it, even though I didn't want to help myself.

Which is something key, that people bring up a lot online. People who don't want help are the worst, right? Irredeemable, it seems. I didn't want help. I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to die. I still want to die, but I've found a burst of driving force within myself and, as of today, I finally have an appointment with a psychiatrist to seek medication management. I cannot get any traction otherwise. Therapy has been helpful and my therapist is amazing, but there's no stability. I default to self-hate, guilt, and suicidality. I default to violence, though generally verbal excepting those instances of psychosis.

I can't grasp what I keep getting told by my wife and my therapist about being accountable but forgiving myself. It seems false. Impossible. It doesn't feel like I should, that doing that or pointing to my broken brain is appropriate. I'm always terrified what people will think of me if they know the truth of my struggles and how much I have hurt the person closest to me. My only support, because I keep distancing myself further and further from people.

In all of this, she gained friends that used me as a stop-gap for getting to know specifically her. It caused some rocky turmoil in our relationship. I blame myself for her mistakes there, because maybe if I hadn't been acting like a piece of shit, she wouldn't have felt so lonely. And they found out that things got bad, but not any of the details about it because they never asked or gave her a chance to explain when she wasn't distressed. I fear them and what they think of me. I fear them going out into shared queer spaces and telling all the queers I'm slowly trying to get to know that I'm a horrible abuser that beat my wife and controls her. Because they're not wrong. I don't feel like they're wrong, but they're also responsible parties in their own shitty behavior, but who would hear me after they find out I'm a terrible person?

It's... I suppose a bit self-centered, this paranoia. She tells me I don't deserve this, and that they don't matter. I'm trying to believe her, because if nothing else matters she does, and her opinions do. She has to live with me. She's married to me.

So I am untreated bipolar. It's a fucking nightmare. I fight with my abusive and toxic tendencies, that I fight to not participate in. But fighting back my unstable reactions to things is a chore and I become fatigued very often. I don't know why she endures for me, but she does. I love her, as much as I can. Sometimes I am numb, but she says she knows I love her and it makes me cry.

People are complicated. I have not always been very kind or empathetic. I only recently learned that having a hard time with empathy during mixed episodes is pretty normal for bipolar. It's not always. It's another thing that sees extreme differences depending on how I'm feeling, and I sure do feel too much too often.

I am healing myself as best as I can. I am working to do better and be better even while my brain persists on convincing me I don't want help; that I should just self-destruct. I am a human. I wish more people could see that part about me even when I'm not being a very good or nice person. I will be better someday, but it would be a lot easier if it ever felt like everyone else could give me the grace to fuck up while sick and still have room to take that accountability without feeling evil for my actions.

I have been a victim. I have been an abuser. Someday, I hope I can just be healed.

[dreadsuitsamus]

ELS BABY!!! Tell me about your relationship dynamics with Bulma and Vegeta🎤🩷 (ignore it if you don't want to. i hope you have good day/night :3 mwaah)

baby i love you so much for this ask skahfskdurheh 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷 answer below the cut since it got a little long teehee 🤭

also have the most wonderful day/night, my love! 🩷🩷🩷

bulma and i were happily married for seven years before we ever even met vegeta. we met as teens and the sparks flew almost instantly and those sparks have never left! but living with vegeta (this was actually at my insistence! i am too soft) made us slowly realize we had room for another and it made a perfect dynamic

bulma and vegeta are definitely bold and their personalities clash at times, and thus they do the majority of the arguing. i often end up as a mediator between them, though sometimes i just let 'em fight lol especially if it's over something extremely petty (one time they argued over if it's "sock sock shoe shoe" or "sock shoe sock shoe", with vegeta winning that one since i've always secretly hated that bulma does "sock shoe sock shoe" when getting ready 🤢)

neither of my babes can cook, and with veggie man's appetite i had to step my game up. it's not due to a lack of money for takeout or a private chef, but more so my pride lol i took classes and i learned how to make better meals for them! not just taste wise, but balance wise as well. i make sure they get alllllllllll the proteins they need, especially vegeta for his training. vegeta and i have a secret though, which is that he loves texas toast but hates loving something with such a 'ridiculous' name so he never, ever asks for it to be included with a meal. i'm not dumb though, i see how his eyes light up when i make it! so i make it at least once a week with dinner, just for him. sometimes i even make it for him as a midnight snack, since it's so easy to make. he my baby<3

bulma and i do all the pda. when the three of us are out together, you'd never know vegeta is our man. he's not into public affection, and that's just fine with me and bulma since we still have each other to hold hands with or smooch when we're feeling a little needy. vegeta will blush a little when he sees us kiss in public, and if we blow him a kiss he pretends to not like it but secretly he's just ready to go home so he can get those kisses for real. one time bulma and i got drunk during a night out with the girls and when vegeta came to the club to bring us home (he missed us lol) we smothered his face in smooches and he turned redder than bulma's lipstick when he saw all the lipstick stains we left. it may have been the booze, but watching vegeta try to wash it away was funny 🤭

i ended up in the role of housewife, basically. vegeta trains most of the day, and bulma goes to work doing her scientist thing. sometimes it gets a little lonely for me to be home all day and doing the housework, but it is also the most relaxing feeling lmao these two brats are a lot of work!! but when they come back home my heart is definitely full again<3 also bulma's laundry is the worst bc so many of her clothes are dryclean only or have some sort of bs way to clean them. vegeta's laundry is so much easier to do and that's why he gets an extra kiss from me on laundry day. bulma gets her extra kiss every other day of the week though, and for no special reason. she my wife and i like to smooch her<3

when i have a bad day after running a bunch of errands, vegeta will listen to me rant until i tire myself out and opt to just snuggle with him while he watches tv. he knows i just need an outlet for my rage and has no problem being the one to hear me. bulma, however, will be the one to want to go find the people that gave me a hard time, especially if it came from an employee, and then she ends up being the one vegeta has to listen to until she tires herself out and opts for tv snuggles. it's mostly petty stuff when i rant about my day, though if it's particularly bad then vegeta himself will want to find the people that upset me and deal with it his way

and then it's us listening to vegeta rant until he gets tuckered out and needs tv snuggles

[yuktiwritings64]

A DAY IN MY BOARDING SCHOOL

Today I am going to tell you the whole schedule of my school :-

In the morning we used to wake up at 5.15 am. Aunties in our hostel blow whistles for 3 to 4 times and knock every door of a room and wake up students. We had to report at 5.35 am outside the hostel and leave for morning games at 5.45am. Every student was allotted a sport so according to their sport they had to report their coaches. Sports like volleyball, swimming, gymnastics, athletics, football, basketball, hockey, horse riding, shooting,lawn tennis, cricket,boxing etc.

After practicing we run back to our hostel and hurry up for bathing and dress up as per our acedamic schedule and getting ready in just 45 min in such a crowd because bathrooms were not personal. Every house has a bathroom and in each house there was approximately 45 students. U can think how we manage to took bath and got ready on time and if we got late then punishments would be ready for us so at any cost we should be on time. Again we had to report and leave for the breakfast in our mess and different type of meal we used to get. Menu was fixed for each day of a week. For instance BREAKFAST MENU:- Monday - bread, butter,cutlet and milk. Tuesday- breakpakoda/ aloo Puri and milk. Wednesday - bread,jam,cutlet and milk. Thursday,Friday, Saturday same as monday Sunday - parathas

And after having the breakfast we used to leave for our classes. We took our classes as per the schedule and in a break we got lemonade and then back to classes. After taking remaining classes we had to leave our academic block and move ahead for our lunch. Eagerly waiting for delicious lunch. As breakfast lunch and dinner was also had fixed menu . Lunch menu :-. Monday - rajma chawal(rice) ,chapati,potato and capsicum vegetable and salad. Tuesday - dal chawal, cauliflower veggie, chapati Wednesday - dal(pulses) chawal, potato vegetable Thursday -. Kadi chawal, onion potato and chapati Friday - dal chawal,mix vegetable and chapati. Saturday - chole chawal, vegetable and chapati. Sunday- dal chawal, some vegetable and chapati. After having lunch we used to go back to hostel. Being very tired we just changed our dress of sports . Every house has different colour T shirt. We have 4 houses, the name of houses were very fascinating to me. The names were :-. INDRA ( green t shirt). SOMA ( yellow t shirt). SURYA ( red t shirt). VARUNA ( blue t shirt). For sports we have to wear t shirt of our own house. Changing clothes lie on a bed and sleep 😴 actually a nap because after that we had to go for games again. We had to Change our clothes atleast for 4 to 5 times a day . willingly and unwillingly we had to attend games and we used to have some milk and some snacks . Rest of the day spend in prep, dinner and sleep. Prep is a time period of 2 hours for self study in which I used to sleep mostly and dinner after that. Of course as breakfast and lunch there was also diversity in menu of dinner with some speciality and that were desserts🤤 the best part of a day. Then back to hostel and it's sleeping time again but obviously there was so much work to do like of academics, seniors works, reporting, prayers etc. In short it was a very exhausting day. The schedule should be followed strictly, there was no choice to escape it or leave it . Just like as per to our sleeping schedule lights off timing was 10.00 pm so our aunties ( Aya) duty was to follow this rule and we have to follow aunties instructions. From escaping this schedule there was a way and that was to get sick and admitted in infirmary . Sometimes I pray to God that make me sick because this schedule sucks but the truth is being unhealthy or sick is more problematic than the schedule 😂. For me it was very challenging to be in time or punchtual. So punishment was ready for me as a dish😵🤭. It was a miracle when I was in time. Discussing the whole day with my friends is different type of satisfaction. Even today when we talk it expands upto 2 to 3 hours. Hostel Life is beautiful with friends. And i have enjoyed a lot .

I will come soon with new stories of my hostel experiences till then stay tuned.

Tata👋

[inkydoc]

maybe if i write a list about my stressors it will help with dealing with them? or at least acknowledging that i am indeed stressed would help lol

here is a list in non-list format, mostly just incoherent ramblings. the tl;dr is that family, work and health stuff is stressful. and i'm just so gotdam tired. let me sleep please.

my parents have been out of work for months now and it's starting to take a toll on everything, most of all their well-being but also finances are tight and apparently we've been using too much electricity recently so i can't game on weekdays :"D it's fine, i can do other stuff, but gaming is sadly the only activity that can get my brain to turn off and not think about stupid stuff - maybe i have a problem but also horizon is good :D therapist asked if i think it's an addiction and no, i don't feel like it, i can put it down no problem, but i sure do like how focused i can be on games. i really miss that feeling of focus and flow that i used to have with drawing and for the most part gaming can provide that, but sadly the big boi pc is too power-hungry :D

we don't talk about Bruno drawing, no, no, no :D

boyfriend is really down, like really really down, and i can't help him, most i can do is cry about it and hug him when he lets me - at least he is sharing some of it, as much as he can, which is good, but also heavy... i can deal with that tho, i just don't know what to say honestly, never been big on words XD i wish i could help, i'm very worried about him

my brother is coming home after like 5-7 years and i had to help mom deal with his packages while he is in Japan having fun and it's been a bit frustrating having to message him for info so that we can pay import tax on his stuff, and asking the same thing over and over because he clearly isn't paying attention to what i'm asking, so y'know, i'm a bit salty about that - i'm a bit salty about my brother in general but it's okay, i'll bury it as deep as i can, what else can you do about that

work is a mess right now on multiple fronts, lots of work, not enough people and time, and i can feel myself being so tired that i have genuinely just become rude to everyone around me, both coworkers and customers, it's not a good look

we've been getting as many orders as last christmas rush since the beginning of may, which is a lot, but also we've been doing five people's work with 3 people since last march i think, more than a year basically, so going full christmas mode for months with like one week of pto back in june is just the icing on the exhaustion-cake - and going on pto guilty knowing that two people aren't gonna be able to do everything needed and then coming back from pto to two weeks chaos because the guy who brings in the books was on vacation and then your coworker was on pto leaving you to be one of the two people doing the job means that one week is like it wasn't even there, and i'm just so tired i actually just can't stop crying sometimes

trying to find a new coworker hasn't really worked out yet, the one person who tried lasted a week and then we didn't exactly have time to find someone else which just makes everything more and more overwhelming

and to top it all off the vibes are rancid, everyone is tired and irritable and i just end up not talking to anyone and just listening to youtube when i'm alone and it's not really great when it's just three people in the office - we used to joke around and generally be a fun group, but y'know, we are tired and cranky and tensions are building, i honestly fear when it's gonna blow

but also i'm so so so tired i just don't feel like i can socialise like i used to

i can barely take care of myself or do my chores at home, like i don't remember the last time i brushed my teeth, i very often skip showering for days, it takes me a month to do two loads of laundry and who knows when was the last time i changed bedsheets or vacuumed (well last weekend but before that i literally don't remember, the dirt on the floor was very visible sadly) - all this makes me feel like a failure as a human being, like i can't even do the most basic things and i feel thoroughly disgusted by myself

i went to the doctor with the near constant headaches and messy sleep and even messier periods i've been having (it's not a recent thing, me having headaches, but the last couple of months it's gotten worse) and so now i gotta go to a bunch of doctors to get checked out but wait times are very very long :"D i got lucky i can get an ultrasound for pcos in november lol - naturally doctor visits are stressful, i hate it, and i also hate measuring my blood pressure 3 times a day but what can you do (forget to do it, that's what, my sheet is pretty spotty so far). i gotta go to a nerve doc, a junk doc and possibly an eye doc because at this point who knows why my head hurts and why i can't sleep, apart from all the stress XD and it's not helping much that i can only call neurology between 7-8 am, i'm lucky if i can kick myself out of bed for work at 8:50 lol

i keep forgetting more and more things, and tbh i'm not sure it's because of the stress or the tiredness or something worse, and i keep making mistakes and then bashing myself for it, i hate it

i've been going diligently to a psychologist for quite some time now, mostly to work through some recent-ish stuff but also to figure out why i'm the way i am, and idk i feel like i'm not really making progress. that could be my perfectionism talking, and also y'know how everything is my fault and i still don't know where that came from :D maybe i should ask her what could be wrong apart from being tired - like is it a big cup of depresso espresso, or is it extra jitter, or am i just really that tired? maybe my hormones are out of whack?? who knows??? i hate that i do not know!!! and i'm terrified of having to go to so many doctors!!!!

sleeping is such a deep need and yet here i am dreading it because i can't fall asleep easily because i can't get my brain to shut up, and then i randomly wake up in the middle of the night, my heart pounding, because i have this vague sense of having to do something to prevent something horrible from happening, each time a bit different, but so visceral i have trouble calming my heart to go back to sleep - the worst thing is that i never remember what it was that i had to do or had to prevent, but i remember flailing my arms around very often when that happens :"D like i'm pointing at random stuff or brushing something to the side, and quite often i feel like someone rearranged my room when i wake up like that :""D and when i do fall asleep i have very weird and vivid dreams about magic and life and work, so great stuff all around

[safetycar-restart]

I’ve been thinking thoughts.

1) Sub!Charles sometimes has trouble falling asleep. Whether it’s jet lag, race jitters, Ferrari stress, sometimes poor baby can’t get his mind to shut off. But there’s always one perfect remedy. Eat mommy’s pussy. He loves it so much because your thighs are warm, he can relax and keep his eye closed and just keep up with some sweet kitten licks. Maybe he gets so relaxed that he falls asleep on your pussy because he’s finally able to get rid of all his thoughts. Perfect sweet sleepy sub.

2)Scissoring boypussy!charles. Maybe this comes after the experience of the double ended dildo. He heard about it once and he’s been so nervous to try it because what if it’s too weird or what if you’re turned off by the idea. But he wants to experience what it’s like to have you so close to him like that. Maybe it’s not just a sex act for him but the highest form of intimacy.

3)Double ended dildo, but this time with Pierre and Bunny. I can totally see Bunny being mesmerized by Pierre fucking himself and Bunny and both of them are wriggling along the length of the dildo trying to find a rhythm and position that work.

3)What if sub!charles sees how naughty/cheeky Lando can be with his dom and is inspired to be a little naughty too. Maybe he tries teasing mommy by wearing his pretty skirts and dresses without panties and finding the opportune time to bend over a ‘accidentally’ flash mommy. Or he tries to play with himself while waiting for mommy to walk through the door and find him. Key word is try because he’s nervous but also it just doesn’t feel as good as having mommy’s permission. But he’s just curious to see what happens. If mommy would actually punish him, what would she do? Because he trusts mommy 100% to not give him a harsh and scary punishment because he isn’t into the heavy stuff. So what would his punishment be?

These have been my thoughts. Thank you for your time 🫡

I... anon you just... you just dropped three masterpieces on me?? You didn't even leave an emoji oh my fucking god. Anon if you want to send other thoughts... you better claim a fucking emoji it is a requirement!! The leaders of the bunny cult will be hunting you until you claim one.

But okay okay let's do this. I'm gonna talk about each these concepts separately because they're all so good and I am obsessed with each of them.

CONCEPT ONE:

Firstly, I definitely agree that Charles struggles to sleep quite a bit due to jet lag. And I also think he struggles to function properly when he hasn't had enough sleep? He tends to become very whiney and sensitive when he's too tired, easily brought to tears and really just wanting cuddles from his mommy until he falls asleep.

So needless to say, it's very important to try and keep a good sleep schedule for Charles and to make sure he gets enough sleep. But sometimes his schedule is all out of whack from traveling and his mind wont quieten down and the poor thing just cant sleep.

And the absolute best way to help him fall asleep is absolutely to let him eat you out. To be honest he doesnt even do a very good job, it's mostly just light kitten licks and occasional suck on your clit but he's just so happy, all warm and safe between your thighs and so so comfy as he licks you.

He often falls asleep like that, and you just let him because the sweet thing needs his sleep. And then when he wakes up, he always looks surprised that he's between your thighs but then immediately starts licking you again because he's not gonna miss an opportunity to taste his mommy.

CONCEPT TWO:

Of course boypussy Charles wants to try scissoring! He just wants to be as close to you as possible and the idea of it just sounds so good? Even if it doesnt feel mind-blowing, it's still so good because he gets to be so close to you.

Obviously he's on the bottom, because he cannot be expected to do all the work he is far too cute for that. He must simply lay there and cling to you and cry out as he feels so good.

It's not something he asks for all the time, because nothing beats the feeling of you fucking him with a strap. But it is something he requests when he wants to feel safe and close to you?

OPTION THREE:

Bunny and Pierre using a double dildo? That’s definitely something planned by you and Pierre. You both know that bunny would lose his little mind at the mere suggestion.

You leave the dildo on the bed and bring Charles into the room and poor little bunny has no idea what’s happening when he sees the longest dildo he’s ever seen on the bed. You try to get him to guess what is happening, but poor bunny can’t be expected to use his braincell!! He thought he was coming to scene with his mommy and his Pierre so the braincell is very much turned off. He’s in subby bunny mode, not thinking mode!!

When you explain it to him, he’s so excited? He can’t think of anything better. Of course pierre has to do all the work, poor little bunny can barely keep himself up nevermind actually fuck back against the dildo.

It’s so hard to find a rhythm, mostly because bunny can’t keep a rhythm. You and Pierre don’t mind at all though, because this is exactly what you and Pierre wanted.

It’s absolutely amazing by the end of course, making bunny feel so good and the knowledge that each time he moves, the dildo also fucks Pierre just blows his little mind.

Of course you stay close the whole time, kissing them and praising them and playing with their cocks until there’s a little puddle of cum under both Pierre and bunny.

SCENARIO FOUR:

Firstly, lando would absolutely be such a tease! Always flashing his Dom and masturbating without permission and just being so naughty so that he has to be punished.

Which isn’t who Charles is AT ALL. Charles is a good boy, and he would NEVER disobey his mommy. But lando keeps on saying how much his Dom loves punishing him and fucking him hard and so Charles starts to think that maybe you want that too? Maybe you would like him to break some rules and be a little naughty?

The ironic thing is that you don’t even have a rule that Charles can’t masturbate on his own? Because he’s such a horny little thing and he’s so good that you want him to feel good as often as he wants. But he always asks for permission anyway, because he always feels so much better when he has your permission and knows that his mommy approves.

But he decides to try masturbating without asking you, and maybe he wears a pretty little skirt that he knows you love and makes sure he does it at a time that you’ll walk in on him.

And the poor thing is so nervous? He’s stroking his cock but he can’t even make himself use the dildo he picked because it’s the dildo you always fuck him with and he can’t do it right himself.

You walk in of course, and he expects you to be mad and punish him. But you would never punish your sweet boy for making himself feel good!! And he looks so cute in his pretty skirt with his hard cock. Like a perfect present for you to play with.

Except he’s so scared because he thinks he’s gonna be punished and he’s realising that he absolutely can’t be punished. He’s a good boy!! But he’s been so bad, he dressed up and he played with himself and he didn’t have his mommy’s permission.

But you quickly jump into the bed and praise him so much, promising him that he’s done so well and he looks so good and you’d love for him to carry on playing with himself because you love for him to feel good.

Needless to say, he never acts out again because he’s a good boy. Not a bad boy. Not like lando.

[cjsinkythoughts]

Inner Conflict

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 3586

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Some Angst, Some Fluff, Sam and Bucky being idiots, Mentions of PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression

A/N: Here’s Part Three to my FATWS Series, which I’m making a masterlist for that you can find Here. 

Uh…it’s a little long, and I apologize for that. It doesn’t even encompass the whole second episode, only the first half, so a Part 3.5 will be coming out later today probably (it’s my day off work so I have all day to relax and write!) I tried not doing a line for line rewrite of the episode, but there are quotes from the show in here. Mostly it’s Reader’s thoughts and feelings towards what’s happening while conversations are going on around. Reader’s backstory is a bit more unfurled. It’s more action packed and more scene-for-scene of the episode than the previous two. Less emotions shared and less hurt/comfort type of thing, but that’ll be back in the next part probably along with more scenes not in the show. The next part I’m planning won’t be as long, it’ll mainly just be the Couples Therapy scene and a bit more angst with her and Sam and her and Bucky.

Because there’s four more episodes and I don’t know what’s going to happen in them, I’m kinda hesitant on spilling out exactly what is going on with the Reader and what her role was on the original team, but we’ll get there. Also, I wasn’t expecting to be writing multiple pieces for one episode, but if the other episodes are as packed as this one, prepare yourself for more parts than anticipated. We’re already on Part 3 and I’ve got Part 3.5 coming. Just bare with me as I don’t know what’s going to happen in future episodes! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it! 

(Not beta’d so excuse any mistakes.)

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

Walking out of the shower, ruffling a towel through your hair to dry it off, you froze at the sound of the TV. A sigh left your lips. It’s all he’d been doing the last few days - watching the news. Keeping up with the tour for the new Captain America.

You peeked out of the small bedroom to find Bucky sitting on the floor, brow creased as he watched John Walker talk to the Good Morning America hostess.

“You shouldn’t be watching that.” You spoke up, leaning on the doorway, still patting your hair dry. He glanced over to you, taking in the towel wrapped around you, before looking back at the TV. Seeing you like that wasn’t anything new. “Buck, I’m serious. Brooding over it won’t make anything better.”

“What do you want me to do?”

You let out a sigh, shifting your feet and biting your lip as you thought about how to respond. “I-I haven’t figured it out yet. But obsessing over the new guy-”

“Aren’t you mad?”

You frowned at his question, his eyes meeting yours once more. “I told you already that I am.”

He tilted his head, which he did when he was confused, his eyes narrowing. “Why don’t you show it? Why aren’t you screaming or cursing or crying or something? You, of all people-”

“Because it won’t help anything, Buck.” You shook your head, pushing off the wall. “I want to. But if I let myself go down that road…” Dropping your gaze to the floor, you take a breath, collecting your thoughts. “This is such a complicated situation, James. I’m being contacted left and right for a statement on the new Captain. People trying to see my reaction. Senators trying to get me to meet with him. I can’t let myself snap. I can’t.”

He scowled. “They’re still bothering you?”

A dry chuckle escaped your lips and you nodded. “Makes me miss the days when no one knew who I was; when I was the behind-the-scenes seventh Avenger. But I made that choice to come out, and I have to deal with the consequences now. Blowing up will only-”

“Even though I never met him…he feels like a brother.”

That one statement stopped you in your tracks. Bucky’s head whipped back to the TV, his jaw ticking, his nose scrunching up.

“Did he really just say that?”

Bucky merely nodded, his chest heaving as he tried getting his breathing under control. “Feel like snapping now?”

You purse your lips as you held in the tears stinging your eyes. After composing yourself, you moved over and grabbed the remote, letting out a tiny sniffle as you did so. You tentatively touched Bucky’s shoulder, silently asking him if he needed anything from you. His response was to open his arms, so you quickly got down besides him to hold him.

“He is my brother, doll.”

“I know, Buck.” You pressed a soft kiss to his head, which rested against your bare shoulder.

Your bare knees are pressed harshly against the wooden panels of the floor, and you’re twisted awkwardly, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. As long as he was comfortable, you would take the uncomfortable position. As long as he was being held, you would take the soreness it would leave. As long as you could help him be some sort of okay, you would take not being okay in this position.

 You two sat like that for a few more moments before your phone buzzed. You gave a sigh, pulling back and holding his cheeks in either hand. He wasn’t crying, although he was on the verge of doing so. You’d seen him cry before, so you knew he didn’t mind. For you it was a different story.

Bucky had maybe seen you cry twice since the whole Blip thing went down. And one of them was over the phone, so he didn’t see it so much as he heard it. You didn’t let yourself cry in front of him. Or anyone, for that matter. It was a part of you. The only person you ever felt comfortable enough around to cry in front of…wasn’t there. And you couldn’t change that.

“We’ll figure it out.” You told him, nodding gently and letting a small, sad smile quirk the corners of your lips up. “Okay? We’ll figure it out.”

The clench in his jaw loosened as your fingers worked circles into the hinge, making him relax and nod back. You pressed a tender kiss to his forehead before standing up, moving across the room to where your phone was on the counter. You assumed it’d be another government official or news reporter, so you were slightly shocked to see ‘Sammy’ flashing up at you.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you read his message, a slight pout forming on your face. 

“Doll?” Toned arms wrapped around you, warm and cool, his chin setting on your shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Sam. He needs my help with something.”

“I’m coming with you.”

You turned in his arms, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Why?”

He shrugged, licking his lips. “You might need help.”

“Bucky, you can’t go if you’re just going to yell at him.”

“I won’t.”

You studied his features. He was lying, you knew that. Of course he was going to snap at Sam for giving up the shield. He was mad and they got on each others’ nerves every chance they could find, so of course he was going to.

But you still found yourself saying yes and telling him to go pack a bag. You were never able to say no to Steve and it seemed that got passed on. What a nuisance it was.

****************

And you were so right. It was the first thing he said once Sam came into view coming down the stairs.

“You shouldn’t have given up the shield, Sam.”

“James.” You squeezed the hand he was holding, voice pleading for him not to do this right now. He huffed, stepping back to let you greet Sam properly, giving the man a hug. “Hi, Sammy.”

“It’s been a while.” Sam commented, pulling back and holding you by the shoulders. “You look good. Not that you’ve ever looked otherwise.”

You gave him a small smile. “You do too.”

“Thanks for coming. I know it’s short notice, but-”

“It’s fine, Sam. Really.” You insist.

Sam nodded, before eyeing Bucky. “Did you have to bring him?”

“Samuel-”

“This is wrong.” Bucky cut in, staring Sam down, falling into step besides him as the man started heading outside.

“James-”

“Hey, hey. Look. I’m working, all right?”

You rolled your eyes as the two started arguing, stopping your stride to take a breather. You used to joke about babysitting them, but it didn’t feel like a joke anymore and you were getting tired of it. All the bickering for no reason. The contempt they held for one another. Steve made you promise that you would look out for them, and you were trying, but they weren’t making it easy.

When you joined them again, you raised an eyebrow at the direction the conversation turned. How the hell did they get from arguing about the shield to what a wizard is?

“Ahh! Haha! A sorcerer is a wizard without a hat!”

You gave Sam a look as he babbled about how he was right. “Sorcerer Mickey has a hat. Isn’t that, like, how he gets his powers and everything?”

Bucky grinned at you. “Thank you!”

“Excuse you!” Sam scoffed, pointing an accusing finger at you. “We were having a conversation!”

“Yeah. A stupid conversation I just ended. Now I’m gonna be in the plane. Feel free to join me when you’re done being idiots.”

They both spluttered, but you were already walking away, leaving no room for arguments. As you loaded onto the plane, you spotted the Lieutenant whom Sam mentioned who had been helping him out with missions. Torres, you thought, remembering his name from a previous phone call with your friend.

“You Lieutenant Torres?” You asked, walking up to him.

He blinked, before his eyes widened, a grin appearing on his face. He seemed young, which you were perfectly okay with considering you’ve been working alongside old men for the past decade. It was always nice to work with a fresh face, which you found after you started working with Wanda and Peter.

The thought of the two youngest members made you falter, not having heard from either of them since Christmas almost six months prior, but you quickly recovered yourself, shaking away the worries you had for them.

“You’re Y/N Y/L/N! I’m a huge fan! I’ve read all your files!”

Chuckling a little, you held out your hand. “Most of those are heavily classified.”

He ducked his head with a little blush, rubbing the back of his neck after shaking your hand. “I, uh, I might’ve…used connections.”

“It’s okay.” You reassured him, throwing him a wink. “I won’t tell. Can you tell me what’s going on? Sam didn’t exactly explain the situation.”

He nodded, getting into ‘work mode’, something you’ve seen in most military men, informing you of their recent missions and the group known as the Flag-Smashers and giving you a file on them. He was in the middle of telling you about his solo mission in Germany when your two fellas came in, sending each other small glares, but remaining quiet.

Bucky caught your eye and sent an apologetic look your way, to which you just smiled at before turning back to Torres.

“Well I’m glad you’re okay.” You told him once he was done.

“Oh yeah. It wasn’t that bad.”

You laughed and nodded. “I’m sure. You seem like a tough kid.”

He smiled, before looking around and jabbing his thumb behind his shoulder. “I-I’ve gotta go, but-”

“We can talk later.” You promised with a grin.

“Really?!”

“Of course! I have a feeling we’ll be working together more, and I like getting to know who’s gonna have my back.”

He beamed and nodded, walking backwards. “That’d be awesome! Talk to you later then!”

You giggled as he turned around and jogged off, pumping his fist in the air. You turned to a grinning Sam and nodded towards where Torres left. “I like him. Seems like a nice kid.”

“He is. Very energetic. A little reckless, but he’s got a good heart.”

You hummed, the smile falling from your face as you flipped through the file Torres gave you. “So…Munich?”

“Yeah. Listen, I’m sorry again for taking you away from the search, but-”

“Search is off.” You informed him quickly, not looking up. “Until further notice.”

The plane went quiet, before Sam cleared his throat. “So…no sign of Wanda yet, then?”

You shut the file, looking up at the men whose features were laced with concern. “I’m gonna go talk to the pilot. Behave while I’m gone. No pushing each other off the plane.”

“Doll?”

You were stopped by the hand that grabbed your wrist as you passed Bucky. You shot him another smile, knowing it wasn’t convincing enough for him, but it being the best one you had. “I’m okay. I’ve just gotta ask him some questions.”

************

Opening your mouth to stop him, you groaned when Bucky jumped out of the plane before you could speak. First Sam jumps without sharing the plan, then Bucky jumps without having a plan. Or a parachute. Or wings. Or anything.

Torres looked at you, but all you could do was shrug. “I dunno what to tell you, kid.”

“You’re not gonna do that, are you?”

“No.” You reassured him, shaking your head. “I’m gonna wait ‘til we land like a normal person and take my bike. I just have to pray that they’ll wait to do anything stupid until I get there.”

They didn’t wait. You’re pretty sure they didn’t even think about waiting. By the time you got to them, they were fighting - and losing, might you add - to six really strong people on top of two semi trucks.

Because why wouldn’t they?

Oh, oh. And on top of that, the fake was there, throwing the shield. The shield that didn’t belong to him. The shield that meant so much more than he would ever know.

“Hi, doll! Sorry we started the party without you!” Bucky shouted from where he was hanging off the edge, that close to the street and getting his head torn off by the tire.

“I’m so tired of babysitting you two, you know that?!”

“Oh! Sorry we’re such an inconvenience for you! Blame him! He jumped the gun!” Sam shouted, coming to fly next to you as you rolled up your sleeves, standing on your bike, using one hand to steer.

“Can I get a little help already?!”

“Sam-!”

“On it!”

Knowing that no matter how much they pissed each other off, Sam would make sure Bucky was okay and vice versa, you focused on getting to the top, where Walker and a buddy of his were struggling a little bit.

You climbed up to the roof of the semi no one was on, wincing when you heard your bike skidding across the pavement. There goes half your salary.

You couldn’t dwell on it for very long, considering one of the guys appeared in front of you. You recognized the fighting - the strength - and faltered, a memory resurfacing at a very bad time.

~

“C’mon, honey. You can do better than that.” Steve grinned at you, holding out a hand to help you up.

“Excuse me for not having super strength, Rogers.” You huffed out, taking it and letting him pull you up.

“You don’t need to be stronger than me. You just need to be smarter.”

“That’ll be easy.” You teased, stretching your arms before getting into your stance again. “You’re a dumbass sometimes.”

“Yeah, well, who chose to be friends with this dumbass?”

“Everyone needs a dumbass for a friend.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “So I’m your dumbass?”

“If you want.”

The grin he shot you made your heart skip a beat. “If you’ll have me.”

~

You blinked, but Steve wasn’t in front of you anymore and you weren’t in the gym in DC. 

The guy caught the punch you distractedly threw and twisted your arm, making you cry out, kicking him in the back of the knee and flipping him over your shoulder.

You went to kick him again, but he caught your leg and threw you against the side of the other semi. You were able to grab onto where Bucky had ripped through the side, but you winced as the metal cut through your palm. Sam had just flown under the trucks, taking Buck with him, and you knew when a fight wasn’t worth it, so you quickly moved around the truck, letting Walker and his pal distract the Flag-Smashers, before letting yourself fall onto the side where the grass was.

You wanted to lay there, to catch your breath and curse yourself for getting distracted. You hadn’t had a flashback like that in a while. But you didn’t let yourself. You had to make sure the guys were okay.

Standing up made you cringe; you could feel the throbbing in your shoulder from where it was no doubt dislocated and your leg was aching, the muscle probably pulled when the guy threw you.

“Doll!” You turned, seeing Bucky and Sam sprinting towards you a few yards down the road. “Hey, hey.” Bucky immediately had his hands hovering over you, scanning your body. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, shoving his hands away. “I’m fine.”

“What’s wrong with your shoulder?”

“I think I dislocated it.”

Sam frowned. “What the hell happened?”

You gave him a weird look, starting to limp across the field to where you noticed a side road earlier. “They were super soldiers, Sam. And we got our asses kicked.”

“Yeah, but you know how to fight a super soldier-”

“It’s been a while.”

“Bullshit.” Sam side stepped in front of you, making you stop. “What happened?”

“I-I just got distracted, okay?”

“Y/N. Look at me.” Bucky took your face between his palms, eyes worried. “Are you okay?”

You nodded. A tired sigh left your lips and you looked anywhere but his eyes. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just hurting. My leg, I think I pulled it or something-”

“C’mere.” Bucky turned and crouched down, making you blink.

“What?”

“You shouldn’t be walking. We don’t wanna make it worse.”

“But it’s just a strain, it won’t-”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Just get on the man’s back, Y/N.”

You bit your lip before sighing and carefully climbing on his back. He shifted you gently, making sure to hold your leg with caution, leaning his head into yours when you hooked your chin on his shoulder. “You-you don’t have to talk about what happened. Just-just know that when you do…I’ll be here, okay?”

You nodded, moving to press your nose against the column of his throat. “Okay.”

But you could never tell them. How could you? How could you tell the world’s longest POW that you were having nightmares? How could you complain to an Air Force vet who served two tours in Afghanistan and watched his best friend get blown out of the air that you were having flashbacks?

You weren’t sure if it was PTSD or anxiety or depression. Maybe all three. It didn’t matter, though, because you didn’t want to admit it. You wouldn’t admit it. No one thought the Blip messed you up that badly. No one thought Steve leaving did that much damage. And you were okay with that. You were okay with them thinking you were healing - that you were fine - because they needed to see that it could be done. That they could be fine, too. Especially the men walking, Sam teasing Bucky per usual.

It wasn’t until a horn honked that you allowed yourself to be pulled out of your thoughts. A scoff left you when you realized who it was, switching the side you were laying on so your cheek pressed up against the cool metal of his left shoulder, facing away from the jeep.

You tried ignoring the guy as he talked about working together and shit, taking a shuddering breath, making Bucky squeeze your uninjured thigh. There was no way you were working with him. You couldn’t. It’d be like betraying Steve and you didn’t need that on top of all the other things you were dealing with.

You couldn’t deny the need for a ride though. The airport was 20 miles away and you were hurting pretty bad. You suspected that was the reason the guys relented, Bucky tenderly setting you down in the jeep between him and Sam, careful of your injuries.

You stared at your lap as Walker and Sam talked shop. You understood where they were coming from, you were always able to see both sides of the coin, but it didn’t mean you were going to willingly work with him.

“I got mad respect for all of y’all, but you were kind of getting your asses kicked till we showed up.”

You scoffed at that, finally raising your eyes to meet Walker’s friend’s. “Like you were doing any better?”

Bucky reached over to grab her hand that was resting on her lap. “You know, I’ve been trying to get in contact with you.” Walker faced you, eyes raking down your form. Bucky shifted in his spot, but you ran your thumb over his knuckles before he could do or say anything stupid.

“Yeah. I know. My phone hasn’t stopped blowing up for a week. Thanks for that, by the way.”

Walker frowned. “If you just answered-”

“I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what you’ve done. I’ve been a little busy doing my job to blow smoke up your ass on national television. Sorry if my saving people’s lives has been an inconvenience for you, but some wannabe playing dress up isn’t my top priority.”

Walker’s brows furrowed and he was about to say something, when Bucky cut in, asking his friend who he was. You were already that close to jumping out of the jeep, when the guy, Hoskins, told you three that he went by ‘Battlestar’.

If the situation wasn’t so aggravating, you would’ve laughed when Bucky immediately told the driver to stop, opening the door before the car even stopped. “C’mere, doll.” He murmured, lifting you up into his arms bridal style, before walking off, tuning out Walker as he shouted after you two.

You pouted a little when you saw Sam still talking to the guy. “What’re they talking about, Buck?”

“Some nonsense about him not replacing Steve. Just trying to be the best Captain America he can.”

You laid your head against Bucky’s chest. “The best Captain America is Steve. He can never be Steve.”

“I know, doll.”

“Steve told me once that all he was trying to do was be a good man…it’ll always amaze me that he didn’t see he was the best.”

You missed the distraught look Bucky shot towards you, the look in his eyes almost heartbroken while you talked fondly about his best friend. The tortured scrunch to his features seemed to melt away at your next words, though, and he held you tighter as you curled into his hold.

“Just like it amazes me that you don’t know how important you are to me too, Buckaroo.”