#but maybe I am wrong about the Joker family stuff!! please let me be wrong. Universe don't listen to my rambles

[distort-opia]

DISTORTOPIA LOOK

IS IN THE COMIC ONESHOT THE NEW GOLDEN AGE

WHY HE HAS MARTHA JOKER CARD EVEN THE SNOWBALL

WHAT DOES MEAN????

...Well. It means lots of things but none of them are remotely in the realm of sanity.

New Golden Age apparently takes place in the future of the current DC Universe. So this is our Bruce in the future, one who got married to Selina and had Helena (much like Batman/Catwoman or Batman of Earth-2). It's a Bruce who went through the events of Flashpoint Beyond, since he has the snow globe and... for some reason he got informed that his mother is Joker in the Flashpoint Universe, and he decided to get a Joker card with his mother-as-Joker's face on it.

Not only that. The implication is that at some point in the future:

It is revealed Joker has a son (perhaps the way Lonnie Machin was introduced as a potential son Joker had? perhaps it's a child he had with Harley who she hid like in Injustice? perhaps it's like the daughter he had as a result of a one-night stand but didn't know about like in The Dark Prince Charming?). And then Bruce for some reason takes in Joker's son and makes him a Robin -- as implied by the unknown Robin suit shown when Selina says that, which is placed after Damian's thus implying this Robin existed after his era;

It is revealed that Joker's son with Jeannie is alive (since Flashpoint Beyond canonized Joker's The Killing Joke origin, and also gave us Joker's name and the fact Jack Oswald White had a family) -- and then Bruce for some reason takes in Joker's son and makes him a Robin. (This would make the timeline very weird though. If alive, Joker's son should be around twenty-years old right now, nevermind how much older he should be in a nebulous future. How did he become Robin after Damian while stil being a child or teenager?)

Thought that maybe Selina is talking about Dexter Dent who Flashpoint Batman and Joker adopted, and who also likely became Robin. But it doesn't make sense for Bruce or Selina to know about him, or for her to refer to a bad event happening to him. Because...

3. No matter how exactly Joker's son came to exist, the implication is that Bruce took him in at some point, he became a Robin, and then something bad happened to him. Since Tim, Stephanie and Damian have all kinda died at some point, it's implied Joker's son might've shared a similar fate?

The second option of the son being Jeannie's has more support despite the chronology shenanigans, since the reveal of Joker's name and family had zero bearing on the plot of Flashpoint Beyond; it always felt like they were setting something up with it. I thought that maybe they would tie it to Joker: The Man Who Stopped Laughing, and maybe they still will somehow, but it's looking more likely that they're bringing in Joker's family in one form or another. It's not just the Flashpoint Beyond reveal of Joker's past, but also... Geoff Johns is the author, aka the guy who also wrote Batman: Three Jokers. A comic in which Joker's family is revealed to be alive, and Bruce apparently knew about it all along.

This feels like an attempt to canonize all of it. Timeline got rewritten and something happened to Joker way back in the day (maybe he found out about Jeannie and the kid, a confrontation took place, who knows) -- but his son got revealed and Bruce ended up taking him in, all before Death in the Family ever had the chance to happen (Joker's son would be around twelve during this time, and that would fit better.) Because Selina mentions Tim, Stephanie and Damian but not Jason, who should've been the first example if his death at Joker's hands still happened.

Not even going to get into how much I will hate it if they dump a family in Joker's lap and then kill him off. Because... let me get this straight, DC. Bruce Wayne is Batman in our Universe, and Jack Oswald White is his Joker. But in Flashpoint, because Bruce is the one who died, Thomas Wayne is Batman and the Joker is his wife, Martha Wayne. Our Bruce finds out about all of this and then proceeds to hang up a card of his-mother-as-Joker next to his own Joker card. And whenever the reveal happens about his Joker having a son, he freaking takes him in and turns him into a Robin... only for Joker's son to potentially die.

Alright. Okay.

[gangrenados]

now if it all took place BEFORE the stuff that happened with him and Deathstroke then yeeah i could see him doing the cross thing but when they accused him of that shit that poor kid had PTSD he wasn't exactly going around pulling those pranks and just no one checked on him like you cannot be dropped off a skyscraper and expect to be fine even if you live and the torture from Deathsroke too, he had not felt wanted really by batman anymore either on top of that, the donna bullshit jason did not even know that story of the soda bottle so how would he know it would mess with her that was essentially mob mentality i think, they drove that poor kid to almost off himself and they do not think anything about it, their version of family is literally just rachel, also if the other noonie was referring to me about the "sending in a fwb jason to multiple people" i do not send in request i write my own work and i am not into friends with benefits so if it is me you have the wrong person

All titans!adults treated Jason like shit EXCEPT (imma put my hands on the fire for them idc fight me) Hank and Dawn.

Say whatever the fuck you want about Hank and Dawn, but they were decent enough to treat Jason like a human.

Dawn was more distant with him, but as far as I remember she didn't talked shit about him and actually made the effort to treat him with kindness.

Hank, oh Hank (bless his heart) he treated Jason like a little brother. Yes, you heard me right: Hank was more of a older brother figure to Jason than Dick ever was.

He was down to throw hands with Deathstroke when he kidnapped Jason, was one the few ones who saw that something wasn't right with Jason during s3 and went out of his way to help Jason and try to resonate with him.

HANK WAS COMPASSIONATE AND CARING TOWARDS JASON, bless his heart.

But Donna? Fuck her. I think Donna's cool and all, but the way she treated Jason was pretty shitty since the beginning.

She treated Jason like shit and belittled him all the fucking time, like please stfu.

Also I wanna say that I wanted to throw hands with Kory when she talked about Jason's death to Gar and Conner.

Maybe it's a pet peeve of mine, but it sounded so cold and quite disrespectful to talk in such way about the guy who lost his life fighting with the Joker.

Kory didn't gave a fuck about Jason, let's be real.

Hank and Dawn were the only ones who cared about him and I hate what happened to them for doing so. It feels like joke yk? The only ones who were kind got the most tragic outcome.

[zambie-trashart]

I Don’t Own an IPhone: Wanna Trade? Chapter 2

Masterlist

Previous: “Oh. My. Rao!” Jon screamed in the lobby and his body trembled with panicked breaths as a hand found its way to his shoulder. Jon looked at the person attempting to comfort him and saw a girl with ombre hair, dark skin, and glasses. “Merci?” Jon said confused but sending the girl a grateful smile. Fuck you Murphy’s Law.

.......

Chapter 2: I Just Realized My Boyfriend is a Dick

“I speak english sweetheart, what seems to be the problem?” she asked.

“I think I- no I know I switched phones with someone back in America before getting on the plane and now they have my phone somewhere, probably looking through my messages, my pictures, oh Rao my pictures,” Jon said and another wave of panic spread through the teen and the girl chuckled slightly.

“What scared the poor person is gonna see some package they weren’t expecting?” she asked having the audacity to laugh.

“Yeah, my rich famous boyfriend’s,” Jon said shaking her by the shoulders and her face sombered up.

“Well, let’s see what we can do to get you your phone back, I’m Alya.”

“Jon Kent,” Jon said and Alya’s eyes widened.

“As in like Lois Lane’s son?” Alya asked smiling widely. “As in like dating Damian Wayne Jonathan Kent?” Alya asked smile growing bigger than the Joker’s. “I can see why you need that phone back now.”

“I was supposed to be meeting the owner of the phone’s friends here, you wouldn’t happen to be friends with a girl named Marinette right cause I mean your name is Alya and she mentioned....” Jon started and Alya laughed as a boy came over to join her.

“Nino you’re not going to believe this, Marinette traded phones with that stranger that we’re supposed to show around,” Alya said laughing so hard she was almost crying now and Nino joined in the giggles.

“This isn’t funny as much as I want to trust your friend, she has no idea what kind of stuff is on my phone… she doesn’t even know who I am,” Jon said shaking Alya’s shoulders.

“You know your own phone number right? Why not just call it from the phone as an emergency call, and I do know her password if that’s a problem,” Alya said trying to calm down the panicked teen. “Also I don’t think Mari would be the type to leak those kinds of things,” Alya said nudging Jon who rolled his eyes. There weren’t even any dick picks on his phone, more like mission statements that had the exact time and place he was supposed to meet the heroes and stuff that could totally compromise his identity. He just hoped that Damian put a password on it.

Marinette stared up at the ceiling as the phone next to her kept buzzing. She didn’t want to be rude and look especially since Jon wouldn’t do the same with her phone, at least she hoped not but whoever this was really needed to stop texting. She picked up the phone and the screen opened almost immediately. No password.

From Dami: Beloved have you landed yet? Jon are you ok? Did something happen? I knew this was a bad idea. Let me call my father and I’ll be over there right away. He said I couldn’t go, that we needed space but please text me back so I know you’re ok Jon.

Marinette felt guilty for what she was about to do but if it would soothe the boy of the other end’s nerves about sweet Jon for even a moment, she would do it.

To Dami: Nothing is wrong, I just landed.

Marinette texted back nervously and she shut the phone off feeling dirty for lying to her new friend’s boyfriend. It was wrong, so wrong. Marinette picked up the phone and started scrolling through the pictures app curiously. It couldn’t help to indirectly get to know her new friend through pictures.

From Dami: Good to hear beloved, I was getting worried, get some rest we can talk tomorrow.

Marinette clicked on the text gnawing on her bottom lip. Did Jon seem like the type to say I love you after all this? There were no previous texts so it was obviously a new phone with no backups saved.

To Dami: I’ll do that, love you.

She responded and the text was left on read. “What an asshole,” Marinette said to herself before clicking back on the pictures app a bunch of pictures of a white dog with various people filled most of his camera roll as she scrolled through. Pictures of people who must have been family based on the glasses and familiar face shape took up a bunch too but one picture stood out to her the most. It was a selfie taken by a masked teen pressing his lips up to Superboy’s. She dropped the phone on the ground. “Shit.”

Jon paced against the floors of Alya and Nino’s apartment nervously. 

“Dude calm down, we’ll get this all figured out ok?” Nino said and Jon nodded as Nino called his phone number again with no answer. 

“Oh my Rao that asshole,” Jon said suddenly and Alya looked offended.

“Listen I’m sure Marinette just doesn’t want to answer on a stranger’s phone or she’s asleep, no reason to name call,” Alya said offended.

“Not her, Damian, he must have changed the phone number after it got leaked last week, I was missing my phone then suddenly Damian gets me a new one, it all makes sense now and now I have no idea what the number is,” Jon said burying his head in his hands. “That also means that my old one is in Marinette’s but that won’t help either,” Jon said slumping, pushing the Iphone across the table roughly.

“Wait did you say boyfriend?” Nino asked after a moment.

“Is that a problem here, Marinette seemed ok with it and so did Alya so,” Jon started looking panicked not wanting to lose one of the two people who could help him through this hectic circumstance.

“No not at all, it’s just Mari and Adrien have been off their game lately, maybe you could pretend to text Adrien as Marinette but you know flirtier a you style, you guys are a lot alike,” Nino suggested and Alya smirked.

“More like twins, but he’s got a point, I’m sure Marinette would do the same in your situation,” Alya said and Jon picked up the phone seeing a text from a weird name: Chaton.

“Who the hell is Chaton?” Jon asked and Alya looked at Nino and panicked. 

“Um, Marinette thinks our resident hero Chat Noir looks a little like Adrien it’s just a joke they have going on,” Alya said and Jon shrugged before remembering.

“You guys have heroes here, I forgot about that, do they like patrol or something it might be nice to get a glimpse of them,” Jon said attempting to get the information that was supposed to be on his phone from the Parisians.

“Yeah, they’re normally out at night and thanks to the time change you might just be able to see them at some point,” Nino said smiling.

Jon looked back down at the phone smiling. Perfect.

From Chaton: I’ll miss you tonight, good luck in Gotham.  I’m also sorry about earlier, I should have been nicer to you about the whole leaving thing. Dad’s just been getting worse lately, he never has any time left. Not like he ever did before though.

Jon had no idea how to react. Nino looked uncomfortable reading over his shoulder and Alya sighed.

To Chaton: It’s ok, I forgive you, I’m a bit tired after the flight, I’ll text you tomorrow though, I love you.

Jon hit send and got hit with a read. Jerk.

Nino put a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s take you to your hotel and get you settled it,” Nino said and they left the comfort of the apartment. All Jon could think about was how bad he felt for poor Marinette.

taglist (open)

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[justaratswriting]

Batfam and Mental Health

orOkay so I love Batman and all the things surrounding it. Like the idea of a random rich man who happens to be an orphan just suddenly adopting a ton of children is ridiculous, and thoroughly entertaining.

But I am also a big fan of psychology, and learning about the mind. So mental illness and related things are fascinating to me. 

I notice that like strangely there is very little stuff about the batfam having mental illnesses or dealing with psychology or therapy. Don’t get me wrong there is still a lot addressing these things, but still with the things the family experiences you would think it would be a lot more prevalent in the writing about them, and especially fan fiction about them.

Like I think showing mental health through  beloved characters would be really cool and could be a tool to destigmatize them. Like showing hero's with them would make really great representation, people could see them and think Oh I can still be a good person and helpful even if my mental disorder makes it hard and for things like depression or ADHD showing which misconceptions are harmful and don’t work. 

I can also see this in the physical aspect, like I wish a hero would have something like chronic pain or one of the many invisible illnesses. To give representation and show how pushing through the pain can shut a person down for days. 

The specific disorders I think would be really interesting of the top of my head is, depression, Anxiety, POTS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic pain, eating disorders, nerve damage, ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Chronic fatigue, PTSD, c-PTSD, Autism, Elhers Danlos syndrome, And the one I really think would be interesting DID. 

Like fore depression, showing how hard it is to get out of bed. Not showing constantly being sad but showing how it can be numbing. Acknowledging that in a disorder like this logic doesn’t always win even if you are the most logical person to live. 

For anxiety showing how debilitating it can be. Looking into their minds to show the thought process, the mind fight itself and logic. Knowing their fears are unreasonable but not being able to shake the feeling. Show how for different people different things cause anxiety. 

POTS or Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, (super simply put it is a circulation disorder where upon standing up blood rushes to extremities and can cause all sorts of problems like fainting, pain in your feet, Dizziness, poor temperature regulation, etc. Also I am assuming people know what depression and anxiety is.) would be fascinating to me. Like having a hero that is constantly sitting down or biting down and pushing through the pain even a hero that has to slowly stand up. So in the middle of a battle being shoved down having to slowly stand up or risk fainting or vision completely blacking out for a while. Showing a hero who has learned to fight with no sight because of that very thing. 

Or Fibromyalgia (This one I am a little less educated about but from what I understand, it is a disorder characterized by muscle pain and tenderness usually with no known cause, so from what I understand it usually is diagnosed after a ton of other disorders are eliminated and the pain is still occurring, often also has affect on sleep and memory/mood.) Like showing a hero having a particularly hard patrol and having to take a couple days off and constantly going places or trying things to help with the pain. 

Or Chronic pain ( from what I understand the main difference between Fibromyalgia and Chronic pain is chronic pain has to do with the nerves and Fibromyalgia has to do with muscles, also Fibromyalgia has other thins to go with it like energy levels and mental functions so memory/mood.) Like a hero having constant pain even if they didn’t have a big fight, maybe showing them icing, heating, or taking pain meds and the rest of the family or team being super confused as to why. Before they know showing them freak out and worry that they went on a mission without telling anyone. Showing how it is a constant battle, that sometimes treatments will work and other times, for seemingly no reason they won’t. 

I would also like to see eating disorders portrayed by the bat family. Showing how it’s not always a conscious choice, sometimes it is more along the lines of choosing something else over eating. Showing how people can use it for control or to punish themselves. Letting there be a male example, reminding people that they can happen to anyone. Allowing people to have representation. Show a recovery, how it is not impossible for anyone but not down playing how hard it is. It is a true and hard fight, and show how it can sneak up on you and drag you back. Not just one easy recovery, that recovery is a choice. You have to want it but you also need help, it is a long hard process and accessibility is everything. Show a family member making them food, show them sometimes eating it and others not. Also don’t only show under eating show how people can’t stop themselves from eating. Having cabinets locked to keep people out, for their own safety. 

Or nerve damage, showing how years of their work and fighting can really mess someone up. Show someone suddenly losing all feeling or sensation in certain parts of their body or constant pain or even pinched nerves. Show how confusing it can be to not know what you are feeling. Show how weird it can be when you realize you are fine or that nothing is touching you or taking it in the opposite direction and not realizing you are hurt or someone is trying to be your attention. I would also love to see the batfam explain any of these injuries to the hero community or to the public. Maybe show the hero community really starting to look into mental and general health services. 

ADHD or also ADD, showing how people can use it but also showing how hard it can be to control and fight. How much it can impede focusing and show situations it can put people in. Show a hero forgetting a huge part of their plan and falling but because of some random information from a hyper focus they still save the day. 

Bipolar, showing the wild swings and how confusing it can be. Feeling like a different person, struggling with identity and their own decisions. Show them accidently pushing people away but also how hard they work to maintain family and friends that despite how unpredictable they can be their friends still stick around. Or if their friends can’t handle it show them peacefully and respectfully stepping out of their life. Show how hard that can be to except but that the future can end up better than you could ever hope. 

OCD is really one I wish we saw in the hero's. Show their routines and things they do. Show the thought process, like if I don’t properly put the dishes away in fourteen seconds the joker will escape arkham. Show how terrifying the thoughts can be, but show how detail oriented it can make people and the beautiful art and amazing work that they can do. Show a person putting them selves at risk to comply with their routine. Like ignoring injuries to write a report. Show them and family or friends working to change the routine. Show how hard it is the moments they want to turn back and continue and how much they want to stop but show them not giving up and making the differences they want. Show them accomplishing things, show their compulsions actually keeping them safe.

Or even chronic fatigue, Show the fight each morning. Them saving energy, the disconnect between how exhausted you are mentally vs. physically. Show a hero that 50% of the time physically is too exhausted to be in the field so they offer technical support. Show a hero crashing, suddenly just not having enough energy to finish patrol or even get home. So someone has to come pick them up. Show them getting stuck in a fight and how hard it can be to do anything much less a fight. 

Let the characters have PTSD or c-PTSD, show flashbacks and being stuck in your head. All of the bat family has lived through horrors please show it affecting them. Show how they get help how they work through it show what can happen and how bad it can get if it is unaddressed.  

Show them having autism and how it is just a different way of life that there is nothing inherently wrong with it and how the ignorance that surrounds it and similar disorders can hurt and affect people. Show how it can be simple things that can show it or affect it. Try and look at it from their perspective and what things happen that should not just because they way someone is. 

Elhers Danlos syndrome, show the pain, the misdiagnosis, the process, the fight. Show how disabilities like this and several others including ones I have mentioned can cause a person to need medical equipment such as wheelchairs and braces. Show how not everyone using a wheelchair can’t walk. Show how limiting it can be and the precautions you have to take but don’t make everything about how hard it can be. Show how using a Wheelchair while not ideal can open up so many opportunities. Show them actually being able to go on family vacations and amusement parks because they have a wheelchair. Show how important it is to have ramps and accommodations for similar things so people can participate and so people can actually go places they want. Always show how hard people with disabilities and such work. Show them trying to get treatment and trying new treatments show how it isn’t as simple as getting a knee brace or two. 

And finally coming to one that absolutely fascinates me, DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder formerly known as multiple personality disorder. But don’t do this one completely uneducated, it is already a very stigmatized disorder. Show how Alters communicate. Show how they all work together and that they were made so the body and mind could survive. Make full characters just put them in one body. Show the confusion once they find out, show them slowly realizing and learning signs and what happened to them. Show each of the Alters having different friends and maybe understanding and knowing the family different. Show the different reasons and setups systems can have. Show system responsibility and each Alter working on themselves and to make a life for the system. Show the roles Alters will take. Show the horrible process of fragmenting and what things can cause it but also show healing and people supporting and accepting systems. 

Overall showing good parts of all the struggles people can have but not ignoring how hard they can be or glorifying them to people who don’t understand. Showing misconceptions and how support can affect these disorders. And most important in my mind, giving hope and a future to look forward to for the people with these disorders.

[teamsarawatshusband]

Word Of Honor - 1st watch insta thoughts - Episode 5

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

FYI (If you haven't read the previous summaries): Smirky Xing = Wen Ke Xing, Baby Xu = Zhou Xu/alcoholic tanned tragic hero lord guy, pleated skirt soldier boss guy = shen something, 5th brother from 5 Lakes

But let’s get started with Episode 5:

Okay, pleated skirt soldier boss guy chases the grandparents away and then wants to take the two mini wangjis with him. But the tree undies master guy isn't having any of it. So pleated skirt soldier boss guy isn't on anybody’s side. I see.

And there is another mention of 5 lakes abusing their power. Ominous.

The kids even wanna stay with tree guy. Must be bad.

Oooooh, pleated skirt soldier boss guy is indeed after the glazed armor.

Oh, uncle Zhao and his peeps and everybody come to the rescue.

And uncle Zhao respects tree guy's wish to keep the wangjis. Is he genuinely a nice guy or just worried about everybody around, including Baby Xu and Smirky Xing and the kid?

Ooooh, super pretty scenery. Why can't we all live in places like that?

Wheee, they get to feast with the family. And Smirky Xing is reciting poetry again. Everybody likes him it seems.

LOL, Smirky Xing is trying to feed Baby Xu. Who must get headaches from all the eye rolling.

Yo, what's up with tree undies master guy, why is he coughing?

Wait, are the little Wangjis also the kids of some 5 lakes brother? (Sorry, random thoughts about how things piece together, and lots of confusion)

Somebody's shouting for help. What's happening?

Young leader of something something, it was gone too fast. He'll be called magenta leader guy, if he ends up important. Ah, wait, he's from Broken Sword Manor. Have we been there before? I forgot.

Oh and he's chased by a ghost. And there's the smiley potato things flying in again. So the red masked ghost gang?

Oh, okay both magenta leader of broken sword manor guy and tree undies master guy vanish in the fog.

Pleated skirt soldier boss guy acts like an ass around the kid, encouraging him to drink along while drunk himself. What a jerk.

Uncle Zhao saves him and sends both to bed - individually i mean, obviously - , and seems genuinely nice, but I don't trust him still.

Whoa, pleated skirt soldier boss jerk guy is awake and just pretended! Even more of a jerk. What is he up to?

Oh, Baby Xu spots him and follows. Thank goodness, somebody needs to keep an eye on the mean guys.

There's some masked dark figure fighting with pleated skirt soldier boss jerk guy.

Something is going on at the main gate, and everybody runs there. Except maybe Smirky Xing, he's just cautious in general.

Oh no, somebody hung tree undies master guy outside the main gate. And it's raining smiley potatoes. Baby Xu is watching and they're all suspecting some happy ghost, because there's a batman-joker smile carved into the dead guys' faces. And happy ghost is apparently one of the masked ghost gang, which makes sense, because of the potato smiley paper crafts.

Oh, now they're worried about the kid. Was it a trap?

No, he's with Smirky Xing and Baby Xu. How did Baby Xu get back there so fast?

Okay, Smirky Xing says some masked ghost guys were going after the kid but were bad fighters and he instantly chased them away. But can that be trusted? If he himself is nuts guy, they wouldn't fight him, would they? But then again... if he were one of them, why would he spare the kid? None of this makes sense.

Okay, magenta leader guy isn't dead yet. He's in some bed, and somebody is lying in bed with him. Some woman. Who is she? Oh, she says she's a ghost. Wait, does he know her? So has she REALLY died, like a dead ghost, not one of those living ghosts?

Dude, stop begging, if she IS a ghost, she's not gonna let you go, you fool.

Oh, ghost girl channels her inner Arya Stark and drops her face for effect.

And magenta leader guy faints like a good damsel in distress.

Wait, she has a face again, but a different one (I think, not entirely sure) and she's one of the ten devils of ghost valley. A beauty ghost. Yeah, she's really pretty alright. And she's got a ton of friends with her.

Okay, what are they going to do with the unconscious guy? Kill him? They're just sharing make-up tips so far.

Baby Xu is trying to say goodbye to the kid. Aww, but the kid is gonna miss his dads. :(

There's a  flashback to some kid crying. There was also a name but I have no idea who he is. Was it Baby Xu?

Baby Xu sees a rooftop and flies up, I have no idea why. Was there something suspcious about the building? Huh?

Oh, somebody's pissed because their glazed armor got stolen. Ah it's pleated skirt soldier boss jerk guy and uncle Zhao who's not pissed just sad. Ohhh, so the ghost guys just wanted to steal the glazed armor and anything else was a decoy. I see.

Ahhhh, Baby Xu is on top of the roof, removing the tiles and listening in on their conversation, right when they say no outsider could know anything. Wow, they sure have a foolproof system.

Ok, 5 brothers of 5 lakes kept the 5 pieces of glazed armor? That does make sense.

Wait, why is nobody confused about pleated skirt soldier boss jerk guy being awake and sober all of a sudden????? Had uncle Zhao known that he was only pretending?

Man, that guy is made of pure anger and insults. If he dies at some point, he's probably gonna explode like a pinata hit by a dozen sticks at once, just because all the anger needs to get out first.

Ok, mad respect for uncle Zhao, because he is indeed a good guy it seems. He is capable of feeling guilt, and he doesn't want anything to do with the glazed armor anyway.

Okay, pleated skirt soldier boss jerk guy from now on will be called a-hole guy. Because, if the shoe fits...

BabyXu sees Smirky Xing flying away and is confused as to how he could also eavesdrop without being noticed by Baby Xu. I mean, that was Smirky Xing, wasn't it?

Oh, smirklord flying over the tree tops.

Yeah, Baby Xu, I wanna know too what Smirky Xing is up to.

Aww, "our little cheng ling". Smirky Xing is already feeling their dad status.

Oooooooh, Smirky Xing saved Baby Xu from the spiderweb wire stuff.

Okay, some ghost talk, I have no clue what's going on. lol

I'm focusing on the important details. Like Smirky Xing fishing for info on Baby Xu's virginity.

Wait, who's bleeding from above?

Ah, there's the sleeve cutting. Yes. Nice.

Oh the dead guy in the tree is the son of uncle Zhao? Wait, was he fighting with the dark masked guy? Not a-hole guy? Did I get them confused? I am so unable to understand anything, lol. I hate being faceblind. Somebody please let me know in the comments who did what while the manor was under attack.

Okay, dark masked guy's face is also shown and Bab Xu drops a name. I have no idea who that was, nor do I recognize the face. I'm so bad at this. Help?

WTH is "iron hook"??? Is that some special martial arts technique that only a few people can do?

Now they're speaking in riddles about animals. Owls, cicadas, yellow sparrows, praying mantisses. I have no idea what's happening. But it seems to be some sort of flirting.

Ok, now Smirky Xing says he's afraid of ghosts. I'm not sure if I believe that. He’s kinda looking a lot like nuts guy, after all, who is part of the ghost gang himself.

Oh, sure. When you're afraid of ghosts and more people dying... just go into the coffin house, because that makes so much sense.

Ooooh, Baby Xu saved Smirky Xing from the spider web stuff this time. Niiiiice.

Aww, they're asking each other who they are. So... does that mean Baby Xu is interested after all? Hehe

Smirky Xing answers that he's a good person. Yeah, like that's not the exact thing a bad guy would say. Not suspicious at all.

Why are there paper animals all over the place anyway? Can anybody tell me?

Also, who lit the incense sticks?

Why are they splitting up? That's how you end up dead in a horror movie, wth???

Wait, what? That's Smirky Xing's dad? His dad looks the same age as him? Is he hallucinating?

Whoa, why is it day time? Ohhh, blurred vision. Definitely something shady going on.

Baby Xu is hallucinating people too, I think. Leader of Four Season's Manor. Is that his dad? Zi Shu, wait, was that Baby Xu's real name?

Anyway, dad guy is doing an Anna impression and asking Elsa Xu to build a snowman.

Oh, Baby Xu saw through the hallucination. Got out of it by cutting himself. He really is into pain, isn't he?

Eww, zombie guys. What did I say about horror movies? But, nice make-up!

Oh no, Smirky Xing is still stuck in the visions.

And, more fabric is cut off. Baby Xu really doesn't like blood. Smirky Xing was not wrong.

HOLY SHIT! Smirky Xing called Baby Xu by his real name while hallucinating. So they DO know each other!!! :O

And THAT'S when they end the episode??? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Gah!!!!!

Okay, okay. I'm calm.

So, what have I learned: 5 lakes alliance can't be trusted. A-hole guy is a complete jerk. AND SMIRKY XING KNEW BABY XU WHEN HE WAS A KID!!! Also, side note, I miss my purple queen :(

Goals for the next episodes: Find out how they know each other!!! Also, why doesn't Baby Xu recognize Smirky Xing? Is he also disguised? I still need to work on the name chart thing, because there's new characters showing up in every episode and I'm so lost.

[yakumtsaki]

I taste just like ice cream, bitch I am so icy, heart cold like an ice queen, that's why they don't like me 🎵

-What the hell was that.

Traditionally I start Union updates with semi-relevant song lyrics.

-Why did you start an update at all.

Because it’s time, Shajar! I took a holy oath in my 2020 simming goals post to update Unions once a month, and I’m already a month late.

-But nothing interesting is happening. 

That’s never stopped me before. Now listen to Rico Nasty, cry some more about Sophie blowing you off, and shut up.

-Ugh please, I couldn’t be more over Sonia if I tried. I hardly ever texted her links to wedding pinterest boards and quizzes to determine if our parenting styles are compatible. 

Did she ever reply? 

-She did once and said ‘who dis’. Of course the letters unscrambled spell out ‘do wish’, meaning she did wish me to keep messaging her. I just don’t know where it all went wrong. 

-Hey there, 17 year old girl, maybe you’ve had enough neat whiskey for the night? We’re actually running out of bottles. 

-Beat it, ponytail, I need to dull my pain. I’ve just been stabbed right in the gut by the love of my life. Just like my style idol and general role model, space opera fascist Kylo Ren.

Shaj I really hate seeing you like this, and not just because the red neon light is super unflattering on your complexion.

-You can fuck right off too, I was perfectly happy with my dads who hate me and my imbecile sister and my brother who might as well not exist, noogie-ing people all day AND night long, but you had to be all ‘OMG IT’S SOPHIE MIGUEL SHAJAR GO TALK TO HER’. Life-ruining-moron. 

But I was totally right about you two hitting it off, I mean look how sad you are now that she dumped- yea never mind, that’s not a good argument.

-Look what I can do even though I’ve had 46 whiskeys!! How you like me now, Sophie???

-You’re paying for all these broken glasses, I’m going to need your name and a credit card.

-Yes, fair enough, my name is Cyneswith Union-

-I LOOK GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT

Yea, you really should eat something to soak up all the alcohol. And not to kick you when you’re down, but you should also disregard all those cliches about ~a smile being the most beautiful thing you can wear~ because MAN. Watch out Joaquin, there’s a new Joker on the prowl. 

-So.. 20 lobsters thermidor and our most expensive appetizers?

-Aha.

-Would you mind settling your bill now?

-Of course not! My name is Cyneswith Union and this is the credit card my parents got me when I was 6 because we’re super duper best friends! I love my parents! They don’t care about their other daughter at all, even when their other daughter is going through a really hard time because she got the emotional equivalent of a lightsaber wound in the gut. You know what, let me also get 20 bottles of your most overpriced champagne to go with the lobsters.

Feeling better?

-Well it’s hard to feel bad when you’re spending your parents’ money recklessly and with malice aforethought.

It sure is. Alright well, the sun is coming up, maybe we should head home.

-What’s the rush? What is going to happen if I don’t go home, my parents will get worried? LOL

God your life sucks. Ok let’s hit a couple more places.

-Greetings. Welcome to our establishment. I am a human employee from this planet.

Great, nice to meet you.

-I just want there to be no doubt that I am indeed an earthling, born and raised under the earth’s exosphere and not above it.

Leave us alone.

-And I’m the resident community lot sim with that one face template you hate! There must be one of us on every lot you visit!

-And I am here in my revealing outfit to use the dance sphere and make everyone uncomfortable!

You’re actually pretty, I need to keep you in mind for after Don Oates takes a wrecking ball to our genetics, but yea, let’s bounce, Shajar.

Time to visit the happiest place on earth, Deh'Javu Modern Art Museum, home to my favorite piece of art in any medium, The Toilet of Fire. Shove that Fountain up your ass, Duchamp. How we feeling, Shaj?

-This trash can reminds of Sophie :( She used to go around town throwing money she stole from charities in trash cans and then send them riddles for where to find them :(

Enough with Sophie, we’ll find you someone better! Like..

..your aunt! Get the hell out of here Brit Brit, you’re taking up townie space. 

-I won’t be long, Gunther’s amazing close-up portrait of my hair was rejected by the museum so I’m here to set this shithole on fire. 

In other words Gunther just painted a canvas black and called it a day?

-His art doesn’t cater to plebs. Yes, offense.

Our old friend Ugly Teen Townie is here so finally we can have some fun. Shajar had gone almost 12 hours(!) without noogieing someone and I was starting to worry for her health.

-Yes, yes, I’m starting to feel like myself again..

Good for you, Shaj!

-Hope you’ve made peace with your God, Ugly Teen Townie, this water balloon is filled with horse feces! 

-WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET HORSE SHIT

-I ordered it from some guy named Leod McGreggor.

-How about a another joke, MuRRAY?

-What?!

-Now you say, ‘no, I think we’ve had enough of your jokes’. Say it!

-No, I think we’ve had enough of your jokes.

-What do you get when you cross a mentally-ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash? Now you say ‘call the police, Gene!’

-Call the police, Gene!

-I'll tell you what you get..

-YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE. HAHA oh man! Good stuff. 

Alright I’m starting to feel bad for Ugly Teen Townie, first he had to come to all the toddler birthday parties during the Victoria/Komei era and now this, he has suffered enough at this family’s hands. Time to go home, Shaj.

-Not so fast!

Wow, the Countess and Mrs. Crumplebottom on the same lot, top 10 anime crossovers.

-I have been sent here by the Limp Dick Vamps United organization to recruit Shajar Union.

Ugh you people are still around? Haven’t heard of you losers since the Count wouldn’t let Victoria bang him, which I’m still annoyed about. 

-Indeed we are, and it’s clear Shajar is ready to join us, dedicating her life to evil deeds without romantic distractions. I have no idea what Crumplebottom is doing here.

-I’m here to recruit Shajar to my own organization, Bitter Sims Worldwide Alliance. We’re always on the lookout for new members who want to spread their misery to their fellow Sim. 

It sounds like it’d be more effective if you guys just merged your organizations.

-I will NEVER merge my organization with someone who displays her bosom like a common whore. 

-Eat a dick, Crumplebottom!

-MAKE ME, FANGTOOTH

-Alright here I am, what the fuck do you want?

-Shajar, it is a pleasure to meet you! Ardent admirer of your work.

-What work, freakshow?

-Torturing everyone around you, what else!

-What? I don’t torture people around me, if anything they torture me.

-Why don’t you talk to me about it?

-I’d rather not, you look like a bejeweled snowman.

-Look deep into my eyes, Shajar..

-And now look deep into my razor sharp teeth..

-Ugh fine, let’s talk. 

-Is that Victoria and Komei’s teen granddaughter hanging out with a vampire?

Yes it is Kennedy, keep it moving.

-God, wtf is wrong with this family. 

Nothing now that you’ve been removed from our social circle, go away! Just kidding, you’re an icon and I’m marrying you in at some point. 

-Hard pass. 

Your loss, hombre. 

-It definitely isn’t.

-If I had known your turn on was vampires I would had set you two up!

STOP SETTING UP TEENS WITH ADULTS, LAKSHMI. And Shajar’s turn ons isn’t vampires, it’s fitness/fatness. Body positive queen. 

-Well, Shajar, you alphabetically listing all the people who have wronged you while I was trying to kill Crumplebottom telepathically has made for a very productive conversation. We’ll be in touch. 

-Thanks, Countess, it’s been real.

Shajar!!! Who cares about Sophie when you might bag a hot, rich vamp??

-Meh.

I’m gonna need you to be more excited about this prospect because a vampire spouse might just be enough of a draw to beat the comedic factor of fucking Don Oates turning us into an unintentional uglacy and I’m doing whatever I can to avoid my fate.

Ugh.

UGH

UGHHHHHHH

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO VICTORIA

-GET FUCKED, BROKEN FACED WEIRDO

God I miss you Vic 💔

-Donnie-bear, not to be not-nice, but mopping your pee off my front lawn is not exactly what I pictured doing during this date.

This guy won’t even mop up his own piss, what a catch.

Wow, manipulative much?? You are a piss piece of work, Donaldo.

-Don’t think we forgot about you, you 10-nice-point disgrace!

-VICTOR NO

-GET THAT MOP READY

-Finally, some peace and quiet.. Just me, alone with my broken heart, pondering my hopeless, loveless future..

-💗💗💗OMG SIS THERE YOU ARE. DONNIE AND I MADE OUT!!! 💗💗💗 But then grandma’s ghost scared him into soiling himself. 

-Good for grandma, hopefully next time she gives him a stroke. Now shut up and let’s eat in silence while I ponder my hopeless, loveless future.

-Okie dokie! 💗💗💗

-Um, I think mine has vomit in it.

-Yea I did that, but it’s just whiskey and lobster, if anything it increased in value. 

-Awww thanks sis! 💗💗💗

-Stop patronizing me, you little bitch. God I want to poke your eye out with this chopstick so badly.

-I love you too Shaj! 💗💗💗

And I hate both of you. Where’s your brother, I haven’t paid attention to him in 3 days. 

-He went upstairs, I think he’s pusshurt we forgot his birthday LOL

IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY????

-Don’t feel bad, I forgot it too! 💗💗💗

GODDAMMIT. WULF! WULF WHERE ARE YOU

-I’m here, I just grew up and dare I say it could not have gone better! 

Really?? Finally some good news! Let me look upon you-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

WULF WHAT THE FUCK

-I was Mozart musical genius boy but now I’m a sk8ter boi! Character development!

Ok this is the most iconic birthday look since Gunther grew up in the pirate costume, we’re obviously keeping it. 

-Great! And as if the fact I’m a Wyatt face template with 0 Jojo genes wasn’t enough to make me unelectable, I also rolled family! :D I’m doing everything I can to ensure I live that sweet motherlode spare life! 

Honestly you should had picked another outfit cause now that you’re dressed like this I unironically want you to win. Hoisted with your own petard.

[rabidbuffalo]

Melody ( @summerxmelodies) & Ash’s letters, courtesy of Pvt. Joker!

Dear Mel, 

 Sorry I haven't written. It's been a hell of a time. ***** everywhere. That's what we call the Vietnamese. It only took me one try to get through boot camp. Couple of the guys that were with me failed. No idea what happened to them. Word is they're just sending them through over and over until they pass. I found someone to help me write to you. His name is Joker. He's a photographer. (I'm a Combat Correspondent.) 

 Cowboy, that's our squad leader, he says Joker will make us famous. I guess they're sending pictures and shit back home. (We are. There will be video footage as well.) I don't wanna be famous, I just wanna be home with you. 

 We're in a place called Hue (pronounced Way) right now. All the guys ask why I don't go with the hookers they bring in for us. Only one that knows I got a girl back home is Joker and that's 'cause he's writing to you. I figure no one will believe me anyway. Most of 'em are scared of me. (I'm not.) 

 Oh, I was sergeant of a platoon. Can you believe that? They let me be in charge of a bunch of grunts! 'Course it only lasted 'til I flipped the bird to a Colonel. Demoted me back down to Private. It was fun while it lasted. Cowboy says I got real skill, though. Never thought anyone would ever say that about me. Finally found something other than cars that I'm good at. 

 I really miss you. All the time. I hope you're doing okay. I can't wait 'til I'm done and I can come see you. I'll try to write again. I don't know how long Joker will be with us. I didn't really want to tell anyone else that I have trouble writing. He figured it out. I hope I get to see you real soon. I love you. I'll write again when I can. 

 Love, 

Ash 

 (I made him sign it for you.)

***

Dear Ash, 

 It's so good to hear from you baby! I miss you so much. I can't tell you how proud of you I am. Come home to me, okay? You're amazing, baby. Why'd you flip a Colonel off? Maybe they'll let have command again. Just don't go flipping off the higher ups. 

 I'm doing good. Better now that I know you're alive. I never stopped writing, but I was so scared. I love you so much. I can't wait for you to be home. Even mom and dad are looking forward to you getting back. 

 Joker, thank you for writing for him. You don't know what hearing from him means to me. I can't thank you enough. Mom asked me to let you know that if you're ever in town to please stop by for dinner. 

 Love forever and always, 

Mel

***

Dear Mel, 

 Proud of me? You might want to wait on that. I promise I will come home to you. There's nothing more in the world I wanna do. 

 I flipped him the bird 'cause he was an asshole. Lots of shit happened since I last wrote. Cowboy went and got himself killed. I took command of the Lusthog Squad. That's my unit. Fuck them ***** in command. This is my squad now. Joker's not happy about it. (Could be worse!) 

I can't believe your mom and especially your dad are looking forward to me getting home. That's crazy. I thought they hated me. A lot. 

We're getting ready to move out again. Hopefully it won't be much longer. I'm fucking done with this shit stain place. I love you forever. 

 Love, 

Ash 

 (Hi, Melody! You're welcome. I'm glad I can do this for you! All in all, Mother's a good guy. That's what we call him. Animal Mother. He still won't tell me why. He just grunts and laughs when I ask. Maybe that's why? Not sure! My real name is James, and now that he's found that out, he won't stop calling me Jimmy. If I'm ever in New York, I'll be sure to stop by! Never know where I'll end up! We really do have to move out, though. We'll write again when we can. Take care of yourself. -James)

***

Dear Ash, 

 Sorry to hear about Cowboy. You take care of your men and Joker. I know they're in good hands. 

 Lot has happened while you were away. They did, but I think they realize how happy you make me? They just disliked how old you are honestly. Plus that whole thing with the law. You've always been good to me so they've got no reason to dislike you for that. 

You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Big Bad Wolf. 

 I'm so ready for you to be home. 

 Love, 

Mel xoxo 

 ( Hi James. Please be careful. Watch out for Ash and yourself? I look forward to hearing from you both. I'm glad Ash has a friend over there. Be safe boys!)

***

Dear Mel, 

 I was really hoping we'd be back in the states by now. They're really dragging this bullshit out. We're just slaughtering ***** left and right. We don't even have a mission other than stay the fuck alive. 

Thanks about Cowboy. Haven't lost anybody else yet.

 I'm glad they see that. I wish they could see how God damn happy you make me. Bet they flipped their wigs when they found out how old I really am, didn't they? You're the only good thing I got back home, so I gotta take care of you. Promise I will forever, Little Red.  

I'm so ready to be home. Soon. (We hope.) 

 Love, 

Ash 

 (He said he's not putting hugs and kisses, but I'll do it for him. XOXO! Wish you could see the way he lights up and smiles when a letter comes from you. I tried to capture it in the photo I enclosed.  There's one of me, too, just so you know who what I look like! And one of Cowboy from before. Hold onto that one for him. We got lucky and I found a way to develop some film. I wrote on the back of the photos for you! Thank you for the well wishes! Stay safe! - James)

***

Dear Ash, 

 I think everyone here is just as ready as you for the war to be over. I know I am. I'm glad everyone's still alive. 

 They did. Dad especially. Think he's still sore about it. He'll get over it. I know you will and I'll do the same. 

Always and forever, baby. My handsome Marine. I hate that you're over there, but you look really good in the pictures baby. Short hair suits you. So does that big gun. What is it? 

 Love,

Mel 

 (Thanks James. Wow. The pictures are amazing. I love them. Nice to be able to put a face to you. Why do the guys call you Joker? I've added a few photos of me. I know I sent Ash off with one, but he might need a new one. I know you guys have been through hell. Stay safe!)

***

Dear Mel, 

 Tell your dad I'm sorry I lied and I won't do it again. I just want to take care of you. Tell your mom I sure could use some of her meatloaf and that casserole I like that I never remember the name of. Joker thinks it's green bean but I don't remember a lot of green beans in it. 

 It's an M-60. I named her Melody. You shoulda seen me in boot camp. They shaved every bit of my God damn hair off! I miss my hair. Especially the way you used to play with it. Hell of a lot harder to do that now. 

 Thank you for the pictures. I didn't want to tell you but the original one you gave me got all fucked up and then I lost it when my helmet got knocked off in a fucking ditch. Joker keeps trying to take one of the pictures. He said you're gorgeous and there's no way you're real. (You look like an angel? It's just not possible! Haha! Mother's a lucky man!) 

Miss you. 

 Love, 

Ash 

 (You truly are beautiful, Melody! Nice to put a face to the letters, too! They call me Joker because I have a tendency to make jokes. Mother says it's because I'm scared. Maybe he's right. I'm not gonna lie, it's scary as Hell here. Hopefully we'll be done soon. Take care of yourself! - James)

***

Dear Ash, 

 Mom and I cooked a bunch of food. Sweets and meals. Don't know if it'll make it to you in one piece or not, but we tried. Share some with Joker? And the other guys if enough survives. 

 You named that big gun after me? Dad told me it's a machine gun and people don't carry it around like that? 

God, I love you so much. Miss you even more. When you get home you can grow your hair out again. I miss playing with it too, but you are super handsome in your military stuff. 

 I wouldn't have been upset if you'd told me baby! I'm glad I sent you some new ones. Should I send one for him too? Glad he's there with you. 

I love you so much Ash. Miss you too baby. So much. Mom and Dad say you're welcome to stay with us when you get back. Spare room is yours. 

 Love, 

 Mel 

 ( Thank you! My mother says you're very handsome, but obviously I'm partial to Ash. I'm scared for all of you. Always thinking about you guys. Stay safe! Hope you all get to come home soon!)

***

Dear Mel, 

We got the sweets, but the rest of the shit didn't make it. But thank you! We shared what we could. People are starting to believe you might actually be a real girl now. (You should see the smirk on his face when he said that! Ha!) 

 Yeah. It's a machine gun. People don't carry it around like that but I do.  It's fully automatic. I just pull the trigger and rain hell down on those fucking *****. No don't send him one. (Yes, send me one!) 

 They're gonna let me stay there with you? Fuck, I must've done something right for a damn change, huh? Don't know what exactly I did, but I'm glad they changed their minds about me. 

 Command says just a few more weeks, but I'll believe it when I see it. My tour was supposed to be up three days ago and I'm still in the Crotch. Maybe soon. I miss you and I love you. 

 Love, 

Ash 

 (Tell your mother I said thank you! Not that I don't love him, but it blows my mind that he got a doll like you. Maybe there's hope for me yet! Until next time, James)

**

Dear Ash, 

 Well I'm glad something made it to you guys! 

Are they? I'm glad. I know shit is ugly over there, but I am proud of you for how you've taken care of Joker and the others. You're a good man. 

 Wow. You really are the Big Bad Wolf. Love you. So much. 

 I've sent a few more pictures, just let him have one of the copies? 

 Yeah, they are. You're family. It's a long story that can wait until you get home. 

Love you more than anything and miss you more, baby. 

 Love, 

 Mel 

 (There's definitely hope! You're a good looking guy. Plus, you've been so sweet to write for him. I thought he was dead for the longest time, but I kept writing just hoping I was wrong. It was so hard. Hope you guys come home soon!)

***

Dear Mel, 

 We're supposed to be on a plane back to the States in a week. I don't know if this will make it to you before I do, but just know that we're headed back. What's left of the Lusthogs anyway. Joker included. 

 I let Jimmy (JAMES) have one of the pictures. He teases me that he's using it to jerk off to. Can't say I blame him for that one. We don't have anything pretty to look at over here. Just pictures of you. 

 I really hope they're not shitting us and we're headed home next week. I love you. 

 Love, 

Ash 

 (Aw, gee, thanks, Mel! I do what I can. Despite popular belief, I'm actually very nice. I'm glad that I've been able to keep you two in touch. Mother's been much more tolerable since he's been able to write back to you. I can't imagine being on the other end of this and just waiting. Hopefully he'll be back to you soon. Don't know where I'm headed yet if they're telling us the truth and we're actually headed home in a week. It seems like a pipe dream that's too far away right now. We'll see. If not, we'll be writing again! Keep your head up! - James P.S. Thank you for the picture! I'm happy to know you!)

[cryptids-and-muses]

I had a weird and/or awesome idea for a bat family story.

I don’t think I’m gonna actually write it but I felt like sharing the outline and ideas for the story. This is a mix of a few continuities because I do what I want, and have trouble keeping everything straight. Feel free to add stuff or make suggestions. Now strap in cause I have some thoughts.

So this guy in Gotham is experimenting with transdimensional technology. Oracle discovers what he’s doing and how dangerous it is so she sends the bat family after him. Nightwing, Red Hood, Spoiler, Red Robin, Black Bat, and Robin go after this guy but he sets off a machine and transports them to a different dimension. The main difference of this dimension is that the Graysons never died which set off quite the chain of events, but our heroes don’t know that yet. Cut to this universe’s Batman finding a gaggle of people ranging from early teens to their twenties dressed in weird costumes smoking in a crater. Not to mention a few of them have bats on their chest. This Batman never had a partner outside of Alfred so when they try to explain who they are it doesn’t go great because Batman can’t even imagine working with one kid let alone six. Then he starts to realize a few of these people seem familiar.

In this universe, Dick would have lived with his parents a bit longer but would have eventually been taken by the Court of Owls to become their Grey Son and new talon. Bruce recognizes him after a while because he’s fought him before. It takes a little because he acts drastically different from his unfeeling counterpart in this universe but Bruce probably figures it out after seeing him do some acrobatics, or hears one of the others call him ‘Grayson.’ The realization is pretty jarring for Bruce and it’s really unsettling to see the cold soulless assassin he knows so full of life. He doesn’t tell the bat family that he knows his universe’s Grayson, because that's totally something Batman would do and fun plot stuff later.

He doesn’t know who Jason is AT ALL. He still meets him the same way in this universe but doesn’t take him in. There’s no role of Robin to fill and he has no idea how to care for a child. Bruce does send him to the wayward school for boys but doesn’t really check up on him after that. The whole event becomes a sort of weird story like “remember that one kid who tried to steal tires off the batmobile?” What happens Jason afterward is harder to figure out. Maybe he became a low-level street criminal or a gang leader or ended up in jail. I can’t quite figure it out. What Batman does know is that the boy he meets is using the Joker’s old alias, carries a lot of guns, and looks like he won’t hesitate to use them. None of which is painting a very good picture. This could lead to a cool moment where Bruce, unaware of Jason’s Tragic Backstory™ and fragile truce with his family (Jason is gonna be a lot closer with his siblings in this au), yells at him for this and the others defend him.

Batman probably recognizes Spoiler first. Stephanie would have still gone after her father and created the spoiler persona, even without the inspiration of Robin. However, she wouldn’t have anyone to train her and Batman would be actively discouraging her from going out as Spoiler. That’s not going to stop Steph from being Spoiler but she probably doesn’t operate on a large scale like she does as part of the batfamily. Not only does she have to avoid villains in this universe but also Batman because he doesn’t think she should get involved in vigilante work and tries to stop her when he can. So he sees this version of Steph in a higher tech version of her Spoiler costume and is just so exhausted.

Tim still totally knows who Batman is in this universe. He may not have had Robin to compare to the Grayson’s acrobatics but he would have figured it out somehow. That's where a lot of the similarities end though. Tim would still live with his parents (who are alive) and never really get involved with Batman directly. He became a vigilante because Batman needed a Robin, but here the role of Robin never existed. Tim probably still takes pictures of Batman and that hero worship never really went away. He’s also still an amazing detective even without any formal training. Bruce knows of Tim but doesn't figure out how much he knows, or that Red Robin is an alternate version of him.

Bruce also doesn't know who Cassandra is because he never met her. Her origin stays pretty much the same except she never joins the batfamily. She’d just be out on the streets doing her own thing, on the run from David Cain.

Now with Damian, things get interesting. Another slight change I’d like to make to the universe the batfamily land in is that Damian never left the League of Assasins. Damian has met and fought Batman on a few occasions but Bruse doesn’t know that Damian is his son. Partly because Damian keeps part of his face covered so he can’t see the resemblance. When he meets Robin he has a feeling he’s familiar but can’t quite place it. He realizes this is Talia’s son a little after he recognizes Grayson. Then there's the really intense exchange of “You’re Damian Al Ghul” “No I’m Damian Wayne!” This is extremely shocking for Bruce because of the realization that he has a son. That son is in the League of Assassins! His mother is Talia al Ghul! He has met said son and didn’t even know it! It sets off all sorts of emotions.

As for the actual story, aside from just the general shenanigans of Bruce interacting with the children of his alternate self and trying to get them home, I was thinking that it would start with the alternate universe’s Tim. In this universe Tim is still a genius detective, he’s just not as good because he doesn’t have the training. So he would start poking around in Gotham and discover a huge conspiracy linked to the Court of Owls and decided to figure out just how powerful they are and how deep the conspiracy runs. Cause investigating an all-powerful organization completely on his own with no training is the type of stuff Tim does Batman or no Batman. He only recently discovered the court and is still investigating it when the batfamily show up so Batman isn’t aware Tim knows about the Court or that he’s been looking into them. The Court finds out about Tim’s investigation and send Talon to kill him. The bat family then have to protect this universe’s Tim from Talon, who is Dick. This causes a lot of angst, drama, and family bonding as the batfamily figure out how this universe is different from theirs. I’d love for the other members of the batfamily to get roped into the story somehow too but I’m not sure how. I feel like this story has a lot of potencail and couldn’t just leave it in my head. 

Random Funny Stuff for this au

Dick named a lot of the equipment and stuff Batman uses so in this universe things would probably be named very differently.

Tim: We’ll need to use the bat computer.

Alt Bruce: The what computer?

Tim: You know? The large computer set up in the cave?

Alt Bruce: Yeah but you called it the bat computer.

Tim: Well what do you call it?

Alt Bruce: The computer.

Tim: …..that just feels wrong.

Damian: Yes I know this part of the cave. This is where we keep Batcow.

Alt Bruce: Where you keep what?!

Alt Barbra: My name is Detective Barbra Gordon. Give me one good reason I shouldn’t arrest you all right now.

Jason: Looks like Babs is a Badass in every universe.

Dick: Did you expect any less?

Jason: Honestly? No.

Alt Jim Gordon: *Sees the batfamily* Oh dear god they’re multiplying.

During the Talon fight

Talon: I am the Grey Son of Gotham.

Stephanie: Dick, sweetie, I know you like wordplay but this is low even for you. Get some better material.

Jason: Damn Goldie! When you go dark you don’t fuck around!

Tim: I thought if one of my siblings was going to kill me it’d be Robin. But not you Nightwing, never you.

Dick: I appreciate the attempt at humor but can we please focus.

Alt Bruce: I think my alternate self has a problem with adoption.

Jason: THAT'S WHAT WE KEEP SAYING!!!!

Alt Damian: I heard the bat was working with new warriors but looking at you now I doubt you are even worthy to die by my blade.

*Entire batfamily is silent for a moment before bursting into uncontrollable laughter*

Damian: Do I really sound like that?

Tim: He’s even worse than when the brat first showed up! I didn’t even think that was possible!

[lazzyoh]

Act; HL!Joker x Reader

Request; Heya! Could you maybe do a one- or two-shot about how the Heath Ledger Joker of TDK and the Reader meet? Like Maybe him blowing up a Party her parents held or smth and the Reader having a Special quirk… like Illusion or something? Thank you!

Warnings: Actually no important one, might contain a Little swearing and strong language... cursing even... OH! and threatening yk ;)

Side note: no genderfriendly pronouns! Female!Reader; she/her; I decided to give her the skill/quirk of faking and copying others emotions (only their facial expressions and behavoir)… I think it’s a pretty cool thing and abolutely makeable without the Risk of being only fictional or overpowered

Everything clear? Fine. Then let’s go get it started!

                      -------------Part One-------------

The party did go on well, my parents seemed to be pleased by my act while the young man in front of me seemed to be more interested in my father and my bare skin instead of being interested in starting an active and meaningful conversation with me. Layin' my cards all on the table - this idiot sucked and I really wanted to slap that idiotic grin out of his dumb face. But as my parents warned me, that, if I dared bringing shame over the Family, they'd abandon me and never talk a single word to and about me again, I agreed with playing the toy to get them their long wanted partnership with the rival Enterprise. 

                            ❦

I mean, it's not like I actually cared, they wanted to use me and threatened with kicking me out if I'd make a wrong move, so actually I should be the first to run upstairs, slam my door shut loudly and yell at them, that I never want to see them again. But I was no one to complain, to say it with my fathers words „You can be glad to have a house and a bed you can stay and sleep in, you get everything you want, every kind of food, every doll and still you dare being ungrateful towards the one people feeding and loving you? I am really disappointed." I did sure get everything I wanted - but not love uh-uh. Never got the only thing I wanted the most, instead I was, since the day of my birth, only used by my parents for their luck... an' I mean com'on usually it's the other way'round. - The children use their parents to get what they want. But this is how normal families are, not mine, I suppose. 

                            🃏

For sure my parents spoiled me rotten badly with material things since I was little, so I shouldn't complain about a bit missing love, should I? Still, in my teens I've tried to convince myself a little too often of how their ' ”spoil me with things” would be the only way they could express their love to me' but we all know that’s only the desperate hope of a lovethirsty little Teenie. But times have changed me and the world around, I turned 18, grew pretty much up the last years... paired with the typical changes ya know - Breats grew, body formed womanly, butt and hips became a lot bigger an curvier. My friends say I've got me one delicious body, but they're a little broken in their pretty heads, a body doesn't become like this by only sleeping ( - even through in my case it did.)

                            ❦

Speaking of body - a special somebody still stared at my chest as if the material hiding it away would slip down magically to reveal to him everything he wanted to see. I let out a small annoyed sigh before putting my facade up again, sweetly smiling at him, I excused myself because I'd need to use the restroom. When in reality I'd actually just leave him stand alone like a fool and call my best friend to complain about my fucked up life... But as Destiny hated me pretty much, I never came that far to my bedroom, because just the same moment I started to walk away, our big brown Mansion door was noisily blown open - only to reveal a tall man wearing a Purple and green suit who snickered wildly while shooking his head, making his dyed hair move around his head like a crazy curtain of greens and browns. The party people weren't amused now anymore, no one was as Everyone almost in an instant recognized who this madman was. 

                            🃏

„Ähem... sorry to interrupt that pretty little Party of yours.... but ya know... got some business to do and.... stuff." He paused to lick his lips, watching the audience closely until bringing and holding his gaze at my form and eyes, his eyes scanning my face only resulted in creating one hell of a vicious grin on his lips. „My, my... where d'yo wanna go to sweets? Wanna leave now where the fun is about to blow up the place? Keep your pretty little ass right here honey... I wouldn't want to shoot a little silver bullet in that pretty head of yours, would I?~"

                            ❦

I nearly laughed at him, not because of him but because about his bad timing, couldn't he have waited until I was upstairs? Like seriously gosh…?  But even if I wanted to tell him how he could shot me a bullet in tha head and I wouldn't care less, I quickly decided it would be the best to keep that breath in, as challenging the Clown Prince of Gotham was never a good plan, and the breath I'd take for saying this words into his face would most likely be the last for me to ever take again. So I kept it silent, argued with myself before looking around and copying the fear of anyone else around. A special talent of mine I'm highly proud of - it helped me to get out of a lot unfriendly situations - I mean who can copy emotions of others that easily and realistic? No one I suppose. 

                            🃏

The green haired now walked around, his henchmen following and making sure no one's trying to play the hero of today. I watched his moves, every single Motion of his muscles couldn't left to be unseen by me, counted the times he licked his red lips, only to come up with a result of 5 in an interval of two minutes, until he stopped right infront of me, starring me down as if trying to read my mind - or killing me with only his eyes. I played the scared one, looking into his, actually hella mesmerizing, eyes, which held a soft brown color with light green and icy blue Highlights to themselves. He kept starring me down while I thought about what I would be doing now, if I would've left a little earlier. Disappointed to not be able to call my best friend and complain about my stupid Family, and their plan of selling my virginity and future to a bastard just so they could get a partnership with their latest frenenemies, I wanted to sigh but got ripped out of my daydreams by the Jokers fingers that he was rapidly and wildly snapping infront of my eyes.

                            ❦

I blinked mutual times before being able to really realize and focus on the situation. „Whatcha dreamin'bout sweets? Seems to be interesting, tell me!" I really needed to resist the urge to rise a brow, but instead of telling him that I'd like to leave that shitty place and drown myself in self-pity, I stayed silent and just looked at him with a faked scaredy-cat expression on my face. His chin seemed to... like pretty hard hit the floor at that, but just for a little second, faster than quick his face was back to normal and he started to grin maniacally, patting my head as if I was a little crying child, „You're playing me a fool, don't you little one? Acting as if you're scared but laugh at me on the inside, Ain't I righty?~" 

                            🃏

I was stunned and confused at the same time, how and why and when did he notice that? I went on with acting as if I did not now what he was about, but the clever man saw through it as if looking through a glass wall. „Okay now, now, little girlie.... - drop that pretty little act of yours, I'm not believing a second of it." The Joker looked at me intensely, his eyes almost cutting open my neck or strangling me with a single look of his, spinechilling. That's what he was. One of those few man able to make anyone shut up with only a single look, I sighed. ,,Never knew someone would be able to look through my act… but as it seems, I ain't the only one with special quirks, Ain't I?" His lips widened into a  wide and almost painful looking smirk, ,,No you ain't dollie, you surely ain't."

           ❦ 🃏 ❦ 🃏 ❦ 🃏 ❦ 🃏 ❦ 🃏 ❦

Word Count: 1.386

[anti-tony-god]

(Sorry kinda long) Cass Cain!! I love her! She has her own series: Batgirl (2000)! The problem is Cass’s education was neglected, so she doesn’t know anything at first. Then she gets magicked and knows words, but can’t speak. Then she can speak, but in broken English. She can’t read either, even pretty far in. I am iffy on Bruce’s part because he sucks and reteaches her to fight, he’s her adopted father but uhh this is before that and while he does worry for her like all his protégés it feels a bit like white knight to me (mostly cause I hate Bruce and Cass should be able to kick his ass at any point in time). Barbara Gordon takes her in, too. Idk if that’s a turn off for you. Shes like 16 so she needs someone looking after her anyway.

I’m going to warn you the art is…… well someone definitely drew that. But it gets better further in. Onyx Adams is there and doing amazing!! Cute Cass/Steph moments!! The end is disappointing and the amount to black villains has me a bit concerned but it’s not 100% and there are black good guys so I’m not going to throw down the racist card.

#30-32 has Connor Hawke in it

Kinda bloody. Suicide, murder, the works. Cass can really kick butt and she’s super sweet but she lets Bruce get in her head when she should be letting Barbara in instead. I actually don’t mind that part, it’s kind of interesting to see even if it does make me mad.

The thing I do absolutely love about her is that she speaks in movement, which is poetic and beautiful. I just wish there was more of it. She had a rough growing up and finally got the family she deserves (except Bruce he sucks). I hate that they make reading body language a power or secret weapon of some sort that can be taken away. I’d have loved it if they kept that.

Batgirl (2008) starts off rough, the other batfam members start off acting like dicks, I know that the first intro of a character makes me judge them afterwards (why I hate black widow) so idk if you think that’ll ruin them for you. She still speaks brokenly but it’s revealed she took an esl class, so it’s better. This is definitely something you read if you want to see more Cass, you run into a bunch of characters but don’t get into her as a person enough except for that part she gets a bf. It’s Cass on a deeper level (talking about her trauma, seeing her sister). She is on a mission and it shows. 2000 is a lot lighter, not as serious.

2009? Cass upgrades to her ultimate form and says fuck Bruce Wayne and then leaves. Unfortunately, that’s the most you’ll get from her. Stephanie Brown (blonde white girl) then becomes batgirl. Which, now that I think about it, is kinda fucked up.

Don’t read any batgirls past that, it’s Barbie Gordon and she sucks (I will find you)

Here’s a rec list for her if you still want to see stuff on her, she probably speaks brokenly (really brokenly or somewhat brokenly depends on the time) or not at all in them. She didn’t have any speech problems in batgirl: convergence but Steph is batgirl in that, she’s black bat. In rebirth she’s known as ‘orphan’ which is worse than ‘signal’ so uhh I don’t know shit about that and never will. Also she respects Batman which is sad :( https://fyeahcassandracain.tumblr.com/recs

Don’t read One Year Later

Connor Hawke!! Oooo I hate Oliver Queen and you will see why but Connor? Connor is my baby!! But all black DC characters are because I’m black and I said so.

He originally had a temper (“angry black man” but also Uhhh Oliver Queen’s son) he was picked on as a kid since he’s mixed (¼ Korean, ¼ black, ½ white) he has the occasional white washing too. His mom would kick your ass if you started making fun of him.

Nothing else I can think of I don’t read him much, sorry

https://www.google.com/amp/s/lornahs.tumblr.com/post/95199039664/where-to-start-reading-connor-hawke-lets-first/amp

Ok I did Connor Hawke: Dragon’s Blood and don’t fucking read it he’s whitewashed in the first part then kissed his fucking half-brother’s mom noooooo

People like Connor and Kyle Rayner together plus it’s outside of the Arrow Fam so none of that shit will pop up probably (hopefully) they don’t have a run together but I did run into them a couple of times, they’re so cute!!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/lornahs.tumblr.com/post/156635510974/kyle-raynerconnor-hawke-recommended-issues/amp

I’m kinda traumatized so no I will not sample any of those for you. Also he respects Oliver which is sad :(

Duke Thomas!! I did like the little glimpses of Duke I got before he moved from background to foreground, but I never read him much. 1. Because I hate Bruce (BATMAN & the signal) 2. Because his new name sucks if they just called him Lark like everyone was voting for I would maybe do it 3. Because it was new 52 and I couldn’t care less about Robin War

I am curious about Duke too tho, I will never read Robin War (nothing immoral about it I don’t think, I just don’t give a shit and it sounds boring also respect for Batman which is sad) but I did get into Batman & The Signal

Writer attempts to console the audience about having too many batfam members while showing us said batfam members, one (or two if you count nightwing) of which is whitewashed, another that is ablewashed, and the PoC and Jewish ones are put in the corner (but to be fair, they’re trying to center the more popular ones and THATS why I hate this fuckin fandom).

I’m going to choke this writer, speech bubbles and boxes are two different things I don’t care if he’s talking to both the audience & the people around him it’s confusing and I hate it how am I supposed to know when it’s in his head or not

“No good names left” I’m so mad there are so many birds that exist do you even know how disappointing it is to hear Duke is getting to be part of the batfam everyone’s so exciting making stuff up for him “oh Lark this Lark that” and then his name is fucking SIGNAL what’s he do make bird calls whenever the bad guy is outside??? “Oh uhhh there’s crime Duke hit the button for the batsignal” fucking SIGNAL

Him trying to figure out his powers is boring as hell I DON’T CARE literally “Jason Todd Death Joke” “Someone Gets His Name Wrong” “I’m A Mystery” “I’m The New Guy” this writing is so lazy ahhhh

Black “blue” dude with a big ass nose that’s the bad guy

I got bored again and skipped panels then found a disabled Asian woman, I am interested again… Wow I want a comic on her she’s more interesting than Duke lmao

I SCROLL DOWN TO SEE IF ITS REDEEMABLE AND SEE A WHITE WOMAN WITH DREADS BYE “but it’s ok ‘cause she’s part robot or whatever” I’m not reading anymore especially since Barbie is there probably preying on another young black guy to not be racist with

https://www.google.com/amp/s/lornahs.tumblr.com/post/155680034759/where-to-start-reading-duke-thomas-his-first/amp

Rec list, he’s mostly in batman sorry fam *F* also he respects Batman which is sad :(

If you decide to stay away from batfam please take me with you

If you decide to stay away from DC PLEASEEEEE take me

I should probably explain this since I keep throwing it onto you without explaining what it is Barbie Gordon: Barbara Gordon (second batgirl, most popular) was attacked by the joker and was paralyzed from the waist down. This was an extremely sexist comic that was complained about by all sorts of straight white able-bodied feminists even after DC turned that trash-fire into a glorious fireworks display

She was amazing as Oracle! She was a genius, badass, wheelchair-bound asskicker!! Even the justice league wanted her!! She was so reliable and strong mentally, physically, and emotionally! She was one of the only people to step up during No Man’s Land! She took in Cass and didn’t give up on her when she took Bruce’s stupid advice over her wisdom! And she lost her respect for Bruce which is great! She had more respect as Oracle than she could ever dream of as batgirl. She realized Bruce was bitch and became twice the man he could ever be. She didn’t let that moment define her, and she decided she wouldn’t let anyone hold her back anymore. She didn’t have Bruce’s “huh they look like they can beat someone down hard 🤔🤔🤔” view of worth, she saw people as they were and did what she could to help them improve. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

But with enough whiny bitches DC will do anything, and Barbara was given back her legs, her respect for Bruce, and her wisdom while also gaining a black boyfriend that had no business being there (MY Luke??? I appreciate the bowtie pics but FUCK YOU) that she would soon dump for her light-skinned ex, and a victim complex.

She lost both her dignity and everything great about her.

No one hates Barbie more than me. No one. If I find out that you even glimpsed at her I will hunt you down.

Also recently they made a new Oracle, since she mostly deals with computers it’s sort of a robot thing and it’s STILL FUCKING ABLE BODIED THE POINT FEW PAST THEM AT A THOUSAND MILES AN HOUR

THE MADDEST I’VE EVER BEEN

–

Thank you so much for all this! Idk what a lot of it means since ive literally never read a dc comic but ill keep it in mind when I start reading!!

[obsessedwithereri-nz]

Stone Cold Chapter 1 (FULL)

Hey guys! I decided to post the full chapters of my first ever fic on Tumblr because why not! Follow the tag #stonecoldfic to find the rest of the chapters! Enjoy!!

Levi x Eren

Summary:  Ever since Levi was a pre-teen, he knew he’d have to marry her, otherwise he’d have to answer to his abusive uncle which never turned out well for Levi’s wellbeing. But after meeting a certain singer at his favorite bar, he knew he was in deep, deep shit.

Warnings: None

SLAM

The polished wooden door slams open. A dark-haired man of short stature bolts from inside the gorgeous ‘American Dream’ home, desperation is written all over his objectively perfect face. A thick layer of pure white snow coats the driveway, almost making him slip and fall as he makes his way to his parked car now also covered with snow.

Reaching into his trousers, he pulls out his keys with shaking hands and attempts to insert the key into the driver door lock.

“For fuck’s sake. Come. On!” the man yells.

“It’s okay, Levi. Calm. Take a deep breath and calm…” The familiar voice sounds inside Levi’s head, but he gasps as if someone were whispering in his ear. He glances around him, however, realizing that, of course, he’s alone.

Levi lowers his grey-blue eyes back down to his still trembling hands. Releasing the furrow of his brow, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. He looks down once more to find his hands perfectly still.

The corners of his mouth pull upwards ever so slightly, which has become an almost foreign feeling to him once again.

“I’m coming. Please wait for me.”

-----

Alcohol and good music.

That’s what Levi would answer with if someone asked him what he thought made a good time. Music can make you feel good, and alcohol can make you feel even better, plus if you drink enough of the good shit, it’ll make you forget about all the bullshit going on in your life. But in Levi’s case, he wishes it’d do more.

“Maybe if I just keep drinking, it will all disappear,” Levi says to himself as he sits in his car, parked outside an old fashioned building covered in white paint. The car is his most prized possession, a beautiful black 1966 Chevrolet Impala. He takes one last long drag of his cigarette before stepping out of his car, throwing the butt to the ground and snuffing it out with the heel of his leather dress shoes.

“Tsk… yeah right. But one can only try.”

Just like any other Monday afternoon at exactly 5:45pm, Levi exits his car, locks it, and walks up to the usual bouncer.

“Ackerman! What a surprise.” Not really. “Another rough day at the office?”

“Does today end with ‘day’, Nile?” It’s a good thing for Nile that he knows Levi decently well after all his visits here, otherwise, he’d probably be shitting his pants at the deathly look Levi never ceases to wear. His cold grey eyes, sunken into his sockets, shadowed by dark circles, and his contrasting pale white skin could make even the manliest of men look the other way.

“Ha- always the jokester, aren’t we, Levi?” Nile laughs alone. “Go on in, man. I think you’re going to enjoy yourself tonight. We got a new face for the stage! He’s a goodie.”

Levi not at all subtly rolls his eyes and enters the bar, which goes by the name The Library and is, in reality, more of a lounge that features excellent live music, delicious food and the most unique cocktails around. The booths have extremely comfortable sofas on either side of black and white marble tables. Hanging from the ceiling are human-sized bubbles filled with cushions and a place to put drinks, and a nice small stage over in the corner furthest from the entrance and right by the bar. What’s better is that the good performers take song requests. Which is why Levi is beyond grateful it’s not a jukebox, because humans can say no to the shitty songs.

It’s a place anybody who is of age can go to do almost anything- relax, drink, eat, study, drink, work, play board games, drink, listen to music… you name it. Levi absolutely only goes for the music and booze; all the other bars in town around are filled with loud, smelly drunk assholes who have no respect for the other people around them, and Levi has no tolerance for people like that. Especially after being around said people at his work, minus the drunk part.

Although he does enjoy a strong drink, or five, he doesn’t do it for the social life, or to ‘let loose’ as some say. He drinks to escape and forget his cursed reality, even if it’s only for an hour or two.

He waltzes through the building over to the bar, takes his usual cushioned stool seat, removes his sleek suit jacket and lets out a sigh when he sees the bartender flirting it up with another customer down the other side.

“Oi, shitty glasses!” Levi projects down the bar, giving them a very unimpressed look. “You gonna do your job and get me a drink or not?”

“Leeeeeviiiiii!!” the bartender screeches like banshee, seemingly forgetting they were just talking to someone not five feet from them.

Levi winces at the awful sound then proceeds to grunt in annoyance when he sees them vaulting over the bar and racing over towards him with their typical ginormous smile that even the Joker would be terrified of. And, before he knows it, he can’t breathe. Shitty Glasses may not look physically strong from the outside, but fucking hell they would break Levi’s back if they hugged him even 0.1% harder.

“Get your fucking paws off me, crazy hag!” Levi groans with all of his might, and shoves them away. They stumble back a few feet, glasses falling down the bridge of their nose, and stare at him.

“Tsk”, Levi says with the tiniest of smirks that only people closest to him would recognize as a smirk, “how you doing, Hanji?”

“You always do know how to keep me on my toes, Levi,” Hanji exclaims as they vaults back over the bar flawlessly after playfully winking toward him. “Well, I am doing much better now that your booty is in that bar seat. Now, what can I get ya?”

“Jameson on the rocks.”

“Oh, going straight for the good stuff, huh?”

“Trust me. If I have to keep going home to all of that bullshit, I need that liquid gold in my system. And a lot of it.”

After hearing the melancholy tone in Levi’s voice, Hanji gives him a sad yet comforting smile then grabs the bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey off the shelf, grabs a glass for each of them and begins to pour.

“Alright tough guy. What happened?” Hanji demands.

“Huh? What makes you think that anything ‘happened’?”

“Do you want them in alphabetical or chronological order?” Hanji giggles. “Well, for starters, you always start off with the strong stuff when you’ve had a particularly shit day. Was it the parents?”

Levi is shocked at how their first guess is spot on. Although, it wasn’t his parents either of them were thinking of or referring to.

Levi works for his girlfriend’s family in their furniture business, but it’s no ordinary furniture business. This shit is all handmade with the finest materials one can buy and majoritively custom orders from very “important” people with very “high net worths”.

Does Levi give a fuck about furniture? No. Does he give a shit about the difference between an Ottoman and a Hassock? Fuck no. Does he give a rats fucking ass about all these very important people? Absolutely fucking not! The only thing Levi does care about is getting through the day without punching somebody’s lights out or getting alcohol poisoning that night.

Sometimes he wishes he could purposely mess up these people’s orders just to make sure they don’t come back and buy from them again. But then he would have to deal with his soon to be parents-in-law getting on his ass even more than they already are. And as of this day, he has not made an overly noticeable mistake in years, yet they still find something to pick at as if they don’t have a fucking company to be running.

“Do I really need to answer that?” Levi answers as he buries himself in his glass.

“Oh, hun, I really don’t understand why you don’t just up and quit already. You’re obviously miserable there.”

“You know I can’t do that, Hanji.” He puts down his now empty glass and stares at the freshly cleaned bar top.

“Actually, I don’t know. You’re not exactly one to share details, Levi. Not that I mind, of course, like yes I’d like to know what’s making you so upset all the time but I’m not going to pry.”

Levi finally looks at Hanji again and raises his eyebrow while keeping his stoic expression plastered to his face.

“What? I know my boundaries,” they say, lifting their hands up off the bar to either side of their head.

“Not when it comes to personal space you don’t,” Levi mutters as he returns to look at his empty glass. Hanji sighs, grabs the whiskey bottle again and fills Levi’s glass with more.

“Hey now, everybody needs a hug every now and again. Anyway, you know little ol’ me is here to listen if you need, and I’m not gonna blab. Hell, I don’t know who I’d blab to!”

“Look, it-!” Levi slams his hands on the bar, startling Hanji and other bar-goers around him. Quickly realizing his sudden outburst, he looks around and sits back down in his seat and buries his face in his skinny hands. “I’m sorry, I just… I can’t, okay. That’s all you need to know.”

“Alright, I’ll back off. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed. I’ll be right back.”

He lowers his hands to reveal his furrowed brows, and all they do is wink and walk away from behind the bar and behind the curtains by the stage. Levi rolls his eyes, downs his already filled glass and begins to eye the whiskey bottle Hanji left out in arms reach, considering pouring himself another glass. Yes, this would be his third glass and probably not his last, but he does need to drive home. Sure, he could get a cab, God knows he can afford it, but there’s no way in hell he’s leaving his baby out for drunkards or teenagers to vandalize or steal. Although, this wouldn’t be the first time he’s driven home drunk before. He knows it’s wrong, he knows he could get somebody seriously hurt or worse, but all his cares and worries in the world fade away when that first drop of amber liquid makes contact with his taste buds.

As if out of nowhere, a loud screeching noise sounds from the stage, snapping Levi out of his alcohol-induced daze to see Hanji standing right beside him, blocking his view of the stage.

“What the fuck? You letting some amateur on the stage tonight or something?” Levi says with a big scowl on his face, irritated that his quiet place was disrupted by something louder and more annoying than Hanji’s voice.

“Don’t worry, you’re gonna like this one.” They send him yet another wink and walk out of his line of sight, revealing some snot-nosed kid standing on stage.

However, that not particularly nice thought vanished from existence as soon the ‘kid’ looked out into the crowd. Then all Levi could think and say was:

“Wow.”

[stereksecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @jeangvrey!

I hope you enjoy this Jeangvrey!!!

Read on AO3

*****

Batman Has Bunny Teeth

Chapter 1:  Firescapes & Batman Capes

“I am the night!” Comes the booming voice behind him and Stiles turns, flailing a bit as he stares up at the towering shadow of a man, bathed in darkness, cape billowing despite the lack of wind.  All Stiles can do is cover his mouth to hide his laughter once his mind, as usual, zeroes in on the exact wrong thing to focus on.

Batman gives him a quizzical stare, still looming over him like a storm cloud of glowering anger.  “Usually the only laughing criminal I have to deal with is the Joker,” Batman quips, and that only makes Stiles erupt in more titters.

“I’m sorry it’s just… it’s just I never noticed Batman had bunny teeth,” Stiles chokes out, fully preparing for Batman to deck him.  But he can’t, all that darkness and rage and Stiles instantly settled in on the most adorable part of the man, one of the only parts he could really see of his face.

“I’d say you should worry about your own teeth, the dentists at Blackgate aren’t very good at their job.”  Batman continues to stare at him, like he’s looking through him to the rather poor graffiti littering the brick wall behind him in the dank alleyway.

Stiles rolls his eyes, hitting the window he was currently jimmying open softly.  “Hey, listen Mr. Bats; this is my apartment I’m breaking into.  Do I really look like the kind of idiot that would break into an apartment on the shittiest block in the city, during a thunderstorm?” Stiles asks blithely.  “Seriously, I’d track rain and mud in everywhere, the police would have no trouble identifying me through shoeprints.  And sure the crack of thunder might be all well and good to hide the shatter of glass, and yes the average person on this street is more likely to call their friend to gossip about what’s happening than call the police, but it’s still a terrible target for burglary or petty larceny.”

When the boy finishes rambling Batman isn’t sure what to say, it’s very rare for him to make a mistake when it comes to criminal activity, and while low level crooks aren’t always his M.O. he’d noticed this from the rooftop above and decided to investigate.

“So… are you going to arrest me for breaking into my own apartment or can I get in before I’m actually entirely drenched to the bone?  I think my underwear might still be dry if I can get inside soon…” Stiles says, and there’s a smirk on his lips.

“Why exactly should I believe this is really your apartment?  And don’t give me the intelligence excuse, because I’ve met some very idiotic criminals in this city,” Batman replies, voice less imposing now, but still skeptical.

Stiles stood for a minute to contemplate what he can say to placate the vigilante on his fire escape.  “Ok… how about you let me get inside, then I can prove it’s my apartment?  If I can’t then you can take me to the cops, I won’t resist.  My dad used to be a sheriff so I have respect for the police.  Well, not so much the Gotham PD, but you’re sorta police.  I guess,” he laughs.

Batman stills, deciding before giving one short decisive nod.

“Cool, cool, just gimme a sec to work this out,” Stiles answers, holding up a finger as he tried to get the window open.  After a few minutes of fumbling Batman pushed him aside and does it himself, almost effortlessly.  Stiles turns with a frown, “I almost had it.”

“Sure you did,” Batman deadpans, then motions towards the window.  “Now prove it’s your house.”

“Alright, alright.  I’m going, don’t sick your pet bats at me man,” Stiles jokes as he ambles through the window, tripping and faceplanting on the rug he’d just bought last week.  “You saw nothing!” He calls back behind him as he straightens up and grabs a picture frame on the nightstand.

“See?  That’s me, and my dad and my best friend Scott.”

Batman takes the photo and holds it up next to Stiles’ face.  “You look different.”

“Well duh!  I was like, 18 in that photo.  I’m an adult now, my hair grew out, I put on a bit of muscle, or at least I like to think so.  I mean it’s nothing compared to all this bondage muscle god stuff you have going on here,” he gestured to Batman’s suit.  “Unless are these fake?  Did you have abs made into your suit?” He asks, reaching to touch and having his hand slapped away.  Hard.

“Fine, I believe you.  Why exactly did you break into your own apartment though?” Batman asks almost as an afterthought.

“Oh?  Well you see I ordered a pizza because I just got back from night class and I was swamped with work and I just wanted to stuff something into my mouth greasy and cheesy and well, anyway, so I hear the delivery guy pull up so I race downstairs to get it and, well, I forgot my keys.  So I end up eating the pizza on the stoop and giving the leftovers to a homeless guy on the corner, and then set about finding something to pry my window open.  And then you show up and nearly give me a heart attack.  And that’s what you missed on, Glee!” He jokes, cutting off his rambling explanation and staring back.  It’s only now he begins to process the fact Batman is in his house, that he’s been talking to the caped crusader for the better part of ten minutes.

Batman huffs, not a laugh, but something akin to mild amusement.  “Have a good night and try not to have to break into your apartment again,” he says in that gruff tone.

“Oh this is a weekly occurrence.  Why do you think I’m so good at it?” Stiles laughs, pointing finger guns at Batman before thinking better of it.

“Then next time don’t let me catch you,” Batman says, turning and for a moment Stiles thinks he catches the barest hint of a smile before the man grapplehooks away from his fire escape.  “Why am I suddenly turned on?” Stiles asks the night, shaking his head and laughing, one hand dragging down his face as he strips and heads for a well-deserved hot shower.`

Chapter 2: Nananananananana Batcave!

“Ah, Mister Hale, you’re home early,” Deaton says blithely, eyes tilting up to meet the gust of wind kicked up by the Batmobile’s entrance.

“Slow night.  I think all the villains are either locked up, licking their wounds or out of town,” Derek scoffs, almost sounding offended at the lack of crime.

“Or maybe,” Deaton surmises, standing and crossing towards Derek, “one of your young wards has taken care of things so you can have the night off?”

Derek pulls the cowl off and glowers at Deaton.  “Justice doesn’t take the night off.  Besides, you know I don’t like them out on their own.” His voice is tinged with a hint of worry, a tone most unusual for Derek aside from speaking of the kids.

“Well you’ll be glad to know Isaac is still here, Vernon took Erica out on a training mission however.” Deaton announced it with the same dispassionate tone you’d use for reading a grocery list.

Derek sighs, rubbing at his eyes and staring back at Deaton.  “At least Boyd will likely stay safe,” he says, albeit begrudgingly.  “So Isaac is?”

“Asleep I believe.  As should you be.  Unless you plan on going out and playing the part for tonight?”

Something deep within Derek stings at that, how Deaton so casually lays bare that his public persona, Derek Hale philanthropist and billionaire playboy heir, is all an act.  Most nights he thinks Batman is who he truly is and the putting on the mask isn’t hiding his identity, but completing it.

Shaking off the thought he heads towards the gear room, reassembling the costume on its mannequin before taking the proffered robe from Deaton.

“I better turn in actually.  Tomorrow is that ribbon cutting ceremony for the new research facility, and the trip to the orphanage, barring no more interruptions.” Both were points of pride for Derek, working on both his persona’s goals at once to improve the city.

“And don’t forget the gala fundraiser tomorrow evening…” Deaton reminds.

“Again, provided there aren’t any nefarious plots afoot.” That makes Derek crack a smile, something Deaton is happy to see.

“Yes, we must be ever vigilant for those dastardly villains,” Deaton deadpans.

“Goodnight Deaton.”

“Goodnight Derek.” Deaton waves him off, going back to his studies.

Derek stops by Isaac’s room and a soft smile spreads on his face.  The kid’s wiry, but he has heart.  He’s going to need that if he plans on following in the family business of crime fighting.

Sometimes Derek wonders if bringing them into this life was for the best, if he’s not putting them all in more danger than they were before they’d met him, but when he sees how they’ve all grown, Boyd finally having friends, Erica coming out of her shell, and even Isaac no longer skittish and drawn in.  That’s how he knows he’s doing something right.

Chapter 3: Disbelief & Deliberation

“You did not meet Batman!” Scott argues from his place on the couch.

“Uh, yeah, I totally did.  He nearly arrested me for breaking into my apartment.” Stiles feels personally offended his best friend doesn’t believe him.

Scott gives him that same look of disbelief.  “And why would you be breaking into your own apartment?  Wait…  Never mind, you forgot your keys again right?”

“Yes and since someone…” He looks at Scott, “who shall remain nameless wasn’t home.  I had to Jimmy the lock and nearly get carted away by the Gotham knight.”

Scott rolls his eyes again and turns on the T.V.  “Say I believe you.  Does this mean you might have a new obsession and will stop drooling over Derek Hale?  Including this scheme you’ve dragged Lydia into?”

“Please, I dragged her into nothing.” Scott raises an eyebrow.  “There was no dragging!  Maybe some slight hand tugging and a bit of pleading and volunteering to work at the greenhouse all next summer when I have time but there was definitely no dragging.”

Scott doesn't have time to reply to that because the news comes on and none other than Derek Hale shows up.  “Oh no…” Scott sighs; putting his head in his hands before Stiles jumps over the couch and nearly knocks him out of the way

“God he’s so handsome!  And generous!  He’s such a great guy.” Stiles gushes about Derek as Scott pretends to vomit.

“I hope this ends once you meet him.  I don’t want you actually going full stalker mode.  I might have to, you know, be concerned for your mental health.” Stiles gives him a look of derision for that.

“Stopping trying to headshrink me Doctor McCall.  I have a perfectly normal attraction to and interest in Derek Hale.” Scott snorts at that.  “I do!  And after this party where I hopefully meet him we’ll fall in love and get married and I’ll live in Hale manor while we have ridiculously hot sex and eat caviar off each other’s chiseled bodies in a bath of champagne.”

“I’m too sober for this… alright, well I have to go home and you know, actually sleep since I have work tomorrow.”

“Have fun at the asylum!” Stiles jokes.

“I told you not to call Arkham that.  We’ve rebranded,” Scott rebuts, indignant.

“Look you know my distrust of places like that.  Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean I like it anymore.”

Scott doesn't argue, just heads out on his own leaving Stiles to his thoughts.  Thankfully that means Stiles has time to plan his infiltration of the benefit gala.  Of course, even he doesn’t suspect that he’ll actually get seated with Derek Hale and have to try not to make a mockery of himself.

Chapter 4: Revelling & Revelations

The night is going great; for once Derek is actually enjoying this benefit, if only because of the charming man seated next to him.  It takes him until halfway through the second course for him to realize where he knows him from, the man he’d caught breaking into his own apartment last week.

He’d known the others manners weren’t befitting the Gotham elite, but ignored it since nouveau riche often immigrated to Gotham to show off to their friends back home.  But now he was wondering how the seemingly uncoordinated man he’d stumbled upon had conned his way into one of the most elite functions of high society.

A wry smile split his lips as he watched Stiles regale anyone that would listen with a plethora of facts about history, culture, art, almost any topic he could manage to drag kicking and screaming into the discussion.  It seemed the more obscure the better, with Derek even doubting a few of the stories before Stiles offered to Bring up proof on his phone.

“That’s quite alright; I think we all believe you Mr.…?”  Derek said, putting a hand over Stiles to stop him getting his surely older phone that might have given him away.

“Stilinski.  Mr. Stilinski, but you can call me Stiles,” he said, and the faintest blush seeped into his cheeks at the direct contact between him and Derek.  He had to hold it together, because he’d been doing so well distracting himself with rambling.

“Well Stiles I think we’d all love to hear more of your anecdotes, but I hear the band starting up and, well,” Derek stood and offered his hand, “I thought you might care to join me?”

Stiles’ brain may have short circuited for a moment, and his heart not so much tripped as face planted right against his ribs, but he nodded, licking his lips as he took the offered hand and stood.  He was smiling, not bidding a second glance back at the table they’d left before following Derek out to the dance floor.  “You’ll have to lead, I’m not the best dancer, of course I’m sure that’ll be no problem for you and…” He quieted as Derek put a finger to his lips.

“I’ll lead, don’t worry,” Derek said, smiling what at first seemed to be the same vapid, guileless smile he always wore plastered on his face at these events, but slowly began to morph into something real.

They danced for a few songs, Stiles only stepping on Derek’s toes once after the first song.  They’d both focused on the movement of their bodies, of keeping time and flowing with the other dancers that there was little room to talk until a slower number came on after the third song.  “I know you’re not supposed to be here,” Derek said, a smirk crossing his lips as Stiles nearly stumbled, Derek quickly turning it into a dip to save face.

“Oh, really?” Stiles asked, laughing nervously.  “And where should I be then?”

Derek thought of the dingy apartment, the rain soaked fire escape and smiled.  “Well now I think you should be right…  Here,” he said, leaning in as if to kiss him, whispering the words before yanking Stiles back up and into position.  “But really, how did you get in here?  One year my companies stock fell and I didn’t even get an invite.” Derek was smooth, waltzing them around the floor as he spoke, not even winded.  Stiles struggled to keep up, but at least dropping the pretense he belonged would help.  He hoped.

“Honest answer?  My best friend Lydia, well one of my best friends.  Her ex is Jackson Whittemore?  She pretty much bribed him to let me in.”

That made Derek pause.  “What could she possibly have that Whittemore wanted?”

Stiles grinned, flicking his eyes back and forth.  “An introduction to her boyfriend’s twin brother.”

Derek’s eyebrows rose at that, he wasn’t the type for gossip since he rarely spoke to anyone outside of these events, but his family had dealt with the Whittemores in the past.  “But isn’t he with that app designer?  Mahealani?”

“Oh he is.  I should have clarified; he AND Danny wanted an introduction to the twin.”

Derek smiles, not out of any real happiness, but because he should here, and they continue to dance.  By the end of the night Derek is, despite a halfhearted attempt at the contrary, thoroughly charmed by Stiles.

The gala finished, Derek walks through the lobby with Stiles, shoulder to shoulder.  “So this was… fun,” Derek confesses, not sure when the last time he said that and actually meant it was.  Certainly with the kids he thinks, but even then that’s more fun for them than it is him most days.

“I had a great time.  Totally worth the bribery,” Stiles replies, laughing not so politely.  His eyes trail towards Derek’s lips almost imperceptibly.

“Let’s go out the other way,” Derek interjects, holding up his hand to shield his eyes from the flashing lights of the paparazzi outside.  It’s at precisely that moment Stiles looks over and he’s hit by a wave of deja vu.

That jawline, those bunny teeth, the light flickering.  It’s so eerily similar that he has to stop for a moment and remind himself it’s preposterous to even consider.  It’s just a passing resemblance, that’s all.  He’s silent on their way to the back, Derek asking him if he needs a ride home twice before he notices.  “Oh, uh, no.  No, thank you though,” Stiles says, and it’s only after it’s been vocalized he realizes that he just passed up one of his actual bucket list goals.

It surprises Derek that he’s a bit disappointed by Stiles declining, the offer but he reminds himself that it’s for the best.  He’s already gotten entirely too friendly.  And sure, keeping up the act as Derek Hale, playboy was a necessity.  The problem was by the end of the night Derek wasn’t sure if he had been acting.

“This was…  This was honestly one of the best nights of my life,” Stiles finally speaks, running the back of his neck, eye doing something between a twitch and a wink that Derek can’t help but find amusing.  “But I’m sure you have plenty of rich people things to do like order a new yacht and build schools in Uganda or something so…  I better get going.  Thanks for the dancing, and for not ratting me out.”

Derek rolls his eyes at that, huffing a short laugh.  “Of all the crime and corruption in this city, I think sneaking into a charity gala is far from the worst thing.  Besides I saw you write a check to the charity.  I doubt it even covers the price of the entree you had, but it’s the thought that counts.”

Stiles turns red at that, a mixture of embarrassment and something he can’t quite explain.  He looks up from beneath his lashes at Derek one last time, smiling.  “Well, we can’t all be as righteous as the caped crusader,” he says, and there’s something about the way Derek doesn’t react, almost as if he’s schooling himself not to that sets off alerts in Stiles overactive brain.

“Anyway…  I better be going.  I’ll see you later.  Well, I’ll see you on like, television or a newspaper, you probably won’t see me,” he laughs, chewing on his bottom lip, trying to decide if going for a hug is too much. In the end he settles for an awkward wave before heading down the street and away from Derek.

Derek watches Stiles go, mentally mapping the freckles on his neck, the moles on his cheek, the color of his eyes and the timbre of his voice.  He says it’s so he won’t be surprised again if he sees him like he was tonight, but even he isn’t that deluded.

“Goodnight Stiles,” he says, words taken by the brisk night air.  He gets in his car and goes home, his last stop before taking his nightly duties.

Across town Stiles sits at his computer with a photo of Derek Hale and a sharpie, practicing drawing Batman’s cowl over it and analyzing how it looks.  Beside it there’s written just one thing.  “The bunny teeth match.”

Chapter 5: Investigations & Invitations

Stiles convinces himself it’s just a coincidence, that any two people could have similar looking teeth.

Or at least he honestly tries too.

When he can’t get it out of his head he decides he needs more research, and not just looking up photos online.  No.  He needs to see Derek again up close.  And maybe Batman too.  But definitely Derek.

And so what if, like Scott says, he’s using this as an excuse to indulge his crush even more.  It’s not like Derek didn’t seem at least somewhat interested in him.

Besides, there were some gossip bloggers talking about the mystery man Derek danced with at the gala.  He was pseudo famous already; he might as well keep it up.

Lydia wasn’t up for asking Jackson for anymore favors, especially considering him and Danny had absconded with Ethan to a private island somewhere.  That meant it was all up to him this time.

When Derek noticed him a real smile split his lips and he moved towards him, abandoning the conversation he’d been feigning interest in without a second thought.

“We meet again,” Derek says, voice low and deep.  Not the gravel of Batman, but a seductive timbre reserved for, well, seemingly just Stiles right now.

Stiles had spotted Derek from a ways off, had seen him wading through the crowd and didn’t even try to pretend he wasn’t ecstatic.

“So we do Mr. Hale,” Stiles replies, trying to be as seductive in return but not quite managing it.

“So, who did you bribe to get in this time?” Derek asks, trying and failing to suppress a grin.

Stiles’ eyes look back and forth, shifty before leaning in. “I posed as a waiter to get in…”

The deviousness in Stiles should be a red flag, but he in fact finds it charming.  Derek deals with so many criminals intent on harming innocents that someone simply sneaking into formal events seems almost wholesome in comparison.

“Why exactly are you sneaking into all these events?” Derek asks, bemused.

“To see you, duh,” Stiles answers immediately and for all Derek is used to telling lies, he genuinely can’t tell if it’s a joke or Stiles being flippantly honest.

After that they talk, they dance, they spend the night in each other’s pocket practically.  Derek knows this is more than he’d intended when Stiles tells him he has to leave and he actually grabs his wrist, asking him to stay.

“Sorry, I gotta go.  Glass slipper, carriage that’s a pumpkin and, well you know the drill,” Stiles laughs, smiling at Derek.

“I want to see you again…” Derek says before he thinks better of it.  And that’s all Stiles needs to hear.

“You will,” he says, quickly pecking Derek on the cheek before slinking off towards one of the exits.

What followed was a series of ever more elaborate and ridiculous ways for Stiles to sneak into charity events to see Derek.  He actually started to admire the criminals of Gotham as he noticed how much time and effort it took just to plan something like this, much less a bank robbery or similar crime.

Maybe not their evil deeds, but at least the time and energy it took to plan them out.  As he felt more and more certain that Derek really was Batman it only seemed to make those ideas grow.

Derek for his part felt himself drawn more and more to Stiles.  In a way he reminded him of some of his villains, not so much in demeanor, but in his intelligence, flamboyance and, increasingly, his ridiculous schemes to get into these parties.

That’s why one day he decides enough was enough, the kids had been badgering him, even Deaton had left cut outs of gossip pages mentioning Derek and his mystery suitor, and he did something he should have done a long time before.

The envelope arrived at his doorstep, or more importantly slipped beneath it late at night.  Stiles almost slipped on it as he carried in some blueprints and other equipment he’d gathered for his next gala crash.

When he saw it his heart did a weird flip and he bent with shaky hands to pick it up.

Opening it he took out the glossy embossed card and read it aloud.

“You are cordially invited to attend the Gotham High Society Excellence in Charity awards fundraiser as the guest of Derek S. Hale!”

Stiles nearly passed out reading that, jumping up and down on his couch and whooping with joy.  Especially since he was basically being asked out by Derek Hale.  By Batman.

They’d spent a lot of time together, even if it was just at these dinners, but he'd gotten to know Derek.  Gone were the days he marveled at his beauty, at his accomplishments and wealth, even just his philanthropy.

No, now Stiles couldn’t get the look of determination Derek had when talking about turning Gotham around, the way his lips quirked in a smile like they weren’t used to it but wanted to be, the scent of his cologne or the way his body felt pressed close during a dance out of his head.

He realized that he was falling for Derek and maybe, just maybe, Derek was, as impossible as that seemed, falling for him too.

Chapter 6: The Dark Night

The date is everything Stiles wished for and more.  Derek arrived with a perfectly tailored suit for him to wear that complemented what the other man was wearing.

The paparazzi were a surprise, even if Stiles should have expected it, what with him arriving on the arm of the wealthiest man in town.  Still it was hard to fathom anyone might want his photo.  But then Derek would look back at him, smiling that gorgeous smile, those ever present bunny teeth on display, and he’d forget about anything else.

They danced, they talked, they ate expensive food and drank expensive wine.  It was the perfect date.  A night to remember for sure.  He felt their bond growing, every ridiculous thing he did seemed to only charm Derek more.

Derek knew he was falling hard, knew that Stiles was more than just a date, than just a fling.  Tonight wasn’t meant as a test, but Stiles was passing anyway.  Yes, this wasn’t his life, not his real life, but with Stiles by his side sometimes, for a few moments, he felt like it was.  Like it could be.

For those brief seconds Derek would forget the other part of himself, just a moment, and be this part of him.  Live this life, with Stiles, and it was terrifying and wondrous all the same.

It would never be who he was, not fully, but maybe if he had Stiles; it would anchor him to this life.  Keep it from slipping away until all he was, was the cowl and the cape.  And the thing that scared him most was that he wanted it.  For the first time since he’d adopted the kids, he saw a chance at normalcy, at love, at things he had denied himself so long, and his hands itched to grab it and hold on for dear life.

The night wound down, and Derek led Stiles to a secluded spot.  “Thank you for being my date,” he said, all charm and class, holding Stiles hand the same way he’d done all night.  Except now it felt different, charged.

“Thank you for inviting me.  It was a nice change not having to concoct some elaborate plan to sneak in.  But I would have, to see you,” he laughed, knuckles grazing Derek’s cheek, staring into his eyes.

Derek stared at him and he couldn’t hold back any longer.  He kissed him, hands cupping his cheek and the side of Stiles neck, lips pressed against his.  It was chaste at first, soft but passionate, but then Stiles pressed further, deepening it, letting their tongues dance.  And Derek had to admit, Stiles tongue was a much better dancer than his feet.

“Let me take you home…” Derek breathed, eyes locked with Stiles as he held him close.

And this time when Derek offered him a ride he didn’t decline.  They sped off in his luxury car, but they weren’t headed towards Stiles’ place.  They pulled up at a high rise penthouse and Stiles had to crane his neck to look to the topmost floors.

“This is yours, isn’t it?” He breathes, staring up before glancing back at Derek.

“It is.  You want to come up?  The view of the city is…  Amazing.” Derek smiles, and he knows Stiles is going to say yes, knows that this night is leading somewhere he never anticipated, but can’t stop.

“I’d like nothing more,” Stiles said, and he took Derek’s hand and ran off towards the building.

They wasted no time once they were in the elevator, bodies wound around each other, lips clashing.  Derek’s suitcoat hit the floor first, followed closely by Stiles jacket and then his tie.

When they reached the top floor Stiles already had one leg wrapped around Derek’s back, shirt unbuttoned giving Derek easy access to lick and bite at the cluster of freckles at the juncture of shoulder and neck.

Derek hiked the other leg around him, effortlessly carrying Stiles through the penthouse and towards the bedroom, never breaking contact.

They fell over the side of the bed, kicking their shoes off as they made out, hips grinding together.  There was no need to ask, the desire was clear in their gaze, in the heated touch.

Stiles hands went underneath Derek shirt, rucking it up to feel the warm muscle, the chiseled abs.  When Derek pulled it all the way off he licked his lips as he stared at the shock of chest hair, his mouth darting up to lick and nibble at a nipple.

Derek groaned, the noise rough and uncontrollable as his hand carded Stiles’ hair.  He rocked his hips, desire clearly evident before pulling back.

Standing up he quickly undid his belt as Stiles the same.  His pants fell to the floor, leaving Derek in just his tight black briefs, a designer label of his own brand that left very little to the imagination.  Even one as wild as Stiles’.

For his own part Stiles had flannel patterned trunks on beneath his suit, kicking his pants onto the floor for Derek to brush aside.

Derek toed off his socks before climbing into bed over Stiles.  They kissed for what felt like hours, trading positions as Stiles rolled on top, slotting their hips perfectly to rut against each other’s thigh.

When Derek finally rolled Stiles onto his back again and began to kiss down his jaw, his neck, towards his chest and abs Stiles’ body shuddered in anticipation.  Derek stilled, kissing a line along Stiles waistband before the other man nodded.  A grin split Derek’s lips and he hooked his fingers in the fabric, slowly tugging it down, kissing his way all down Stiles thighs and legs before tossing the underwear away.

He planted kisses back up Stiles firm legs, across both his thighs before coming to rest between them.  Derek smirked as best he could as he heard Stiles whimper and moan at his ministrations, looking up to catch the way the flush spread from his cheeks down to his pale chest, only covered by a smattering of hair there.

Stiles fingers curl into Derek’s hair at the same time his other hand clutches the sheets.  “Fuck!” He groans, feeling on edge already.  He’s almost relieved when Derek pulls away to slip that last piece of cloth off.

Now Stiles has never thought little of himself in the bedroom, but seeing Derek in all his glory he realizes it’s not just Derek’s endowment for the arts that is sizable.  He bids Derek to straddle his chest, and once he does so reaches up to take him in his mouth.  Stiles allows Derek to set the pace, his hands on the man’s well defined cheeks, keeping it steady.

“I wish…  I wish we could…” Derek moans, trying desperately to embed the image of Stiles like this in his mind, even as his eyes try to clench shut in pleasure.

Pulling off, Stiles uses his hand for a moment as he looks up at Derek.  “We can.”

“But… are you…?  Because I’m not…” Derek trails off, tips of his ears pink.

“Yeah,” Stiles answers, “I mean I wasn’t expecting but… a man can dream right?”

Derek laughs at that, bending down to kiss Stiles, playful and overjoyed.  He reaches to the nightstand, grabbing what they need as the lovers continue to kiss and caress, bodies pressed together in sensuous bliss.

He opens Stiles easy, pace languid and relaxed.  When he’s ready, Derek kisses him, makes sure he’s comfortable before taking his place between his thighs.  Stiles pulls Derek into a fiery kiss, gasping into his mouth as his body accepts Derek inside.  They make love slowly, gently at first, like nothing either has ever experienced with another.

Derek caresses him, soft and gentle in a way neither of them expected.  As he moved within Stiles, the younger man quiets for the first time in the night.  Of course, Derek should have known it wouldn’t last for long.

“Shit, I can’t believe I’m in bed with Derek Hale,” Stiles sighs out on a moan, fingernails dragging down Derek’s back, miniscule red lines tracking behind them.

Derek just huffs out a laugh as he thrusts harder, his lips finding a spot in the hollow of Stiles neck, just above a cluster of freckles and sucking hard enough the bruise.

“Can’t… can’t believe I’m getting dicked down by Batman,” Stiles gasps.  “You’re so fucking good, damn!”

It takes a moment to sink in, but once it does Derek stills entirely, bodies still locked together intimately.  He stares down at Stiles in shock; face a mask of confusion in the dark of the night, only illuminated by pale moonlight streaming in through a crack in the curtains.

“I’m not Batman,” he says seriously, too seriously he realizes after a beat.  “That’s ridiculous!” He laughs, but the sound is hollow, forced.  It doesn’t do anything to sway Stiles, not that it would have even if it were believable.

“Yeah, you are…” Stiles finally replies, lying on his elbows to get a better look at Derek.  “It’s pretty obvious up close, and makes a lot of sense.”

“I’m not Batman…” Derek repeats; he’d pull away, but Stiles legs are still locked tight around his waist, his hips kissing the man’s supple ass.

Stiles rolls his eyes, chuckling to himself.  His hand runs up Derek’s chest, catching on a nipple for a moment before sliding to cup his cheek.  “It’s ok; I’m not going to tell anyone.  Don’t worry; your secret is safe with me Bats.”

Derek grits his teeth; he’s getting angry now because this is the closest anyone has gotten in a long time.  He’s not sure if it’s the closeness to him or to finding out his identity that he takes most concern with.  “I’m NOT Batman!” He says once again, more forceful now.

“See, right there.  It’s when you get intense; your voice drops all emotion.  Your eyes are analyzing me, like you see through me.  I’d know these lips anywhere, your little bunny teeth.  You remember?  That was the first time I met you, the first thing I noticed up close.  And then I met your other half, Derek Hale, and it was the first thing I noticed then too.  Some five o’clock shadow, a fake smile and a tailored suit doesn’t change what I can see.”

Stiles’ smile is soft, knowing as he looks at Derek.  “Besides whoever is Batman has all these gadgets and cars and shit.  They’d have to have a lot of money.  They’d need to be in insanely good shape.  They’d have to be free to do whatever they want without people watching their movements.  It all adds up, I was surprised it took me so long to put it together and actually believe it...  And then when I did, well, I wanted you to know you could trust me Derek.  That I wouldn’t rat you out.  I care about you, what you’re doing for this city is something great.  It’s a burden you didn’t need to put on yourself, not with all that you already do outside of the cape.  But you do it anyway.”

Derek should leave.  He should deny it again, get up and never look back, but all he can see is earnest concern and affection in Stiles’ eyes.  All he can feel is the same pull that drew him here tonight growing stronger.  For all that could go wrong, the little part of him that is Derek Hale the man and not Batman yearns for something normal.  Something that’s all his, and not his counterpart’s, and maybe, just maybe, that’s Stiles.

Without saying another word Derek dives in for a kiss, passionate and deep.  His tongue twists around Stiles, battling for dominance before Stiles gives as good as he gets and they find a sensuous balance.  His hips pull back before snapping forward, the moan that rolls off Stiles’ tongue and down Derek’s throat a small victory.

He pushes Stiles to his limits, tests his own endurance and keeps him occupied as much out of genuine desire as to stymie the other man’s incessant chatter.  For all his playboy status Derek doesn’t indulge in these carnal delights often, but even he can’t deny this is the best he’s ever had.

Stiles is the best he’s ever had.

When it’s over, when their bodies are stuck together from more than just sweat, he doesn’t leave like he usually would.  Derek stays; he looks at Stiles and for once really sees him, for all his parts and not just as a potential threat, as another mark, as a citizen he has to protect, but as something else.  Something hard to define for someone like him, but so important he can’t ignore it.

When he finally rolls off, Stiles is still riding the tail end of his high, sated and fucked out, a bit exhausted but in the best way possible.  He turns to speak and Derek puts a finger to his lips.  “Tomorrow, please… let me just sleep next to you.  I don’t want to ruin this.”

Derek’s voice is softer than Stiles has ever heard it, cautious, optimistic he thinks.  It makes him smile and nod, licking the man’s finger playfully before cuddling closer.

Stiles rests his head on Derek’s chest, fingers scratching at the hair there.  His lips kiss one firm pectoral, soft and delicate.  A smile crosses his lips as he looks up at Derek once more before settling down.  It doesn’t take long for Stiles to drift off to sleep, one leg thrown over Derek casually.  What’s most surprising is how fast Derek falls asleep with Stiles in his arms.  How easy it is to let the rest of the world fall away, to quiet that nagging voice in his mind and for Derek to just relax into the bed, close his eyes, and sleep restfully for the first time in a long time.

Chapter 7: A Bright New Day

Stiles wakes up slowly, fingers clenching around empty air and bed sheets.  A disgruntled noise bubbles up from his throat and his eyes flutter open, blinking against the first rays of light.  When he finally can see he notices Derek is missing and his heart drops, only to turn his head to the window and notice Derek is still there.

He stands in all his glory in front of the full length window, gloriously toned ass on display as he looks out across the city.

Derek doesn’t move to turn around, but he says “good morning” all the same.

Stiles sits up in bed, still luxuriating in the downy blankets, relieved Derek isn’t gone after last night.

“Morning Derek,” he says, a soft smile spreading on his cheeks.  He slips out of bed and walks up behind Derek, letting his arms encircle the slightly broader man, resting his head between those sculpted shoulder blades.

One hand comes to rest over Stiles’, holding it firm to his middle.  Derek smiles, starting slow and cautious before relaxing into something deeper, something open and honest.  He turns in Stiles arms, cupping his cheeks and kissing him.

It’s delicate, not like the steamy, impassioned kisses of last night, and not like the cautious and reserved kisses before sleep.  No, this is something entirely different.

“I think I’m falling in love with you…” Derek whispers against Stiles lips, feels the other man smile as they kiss.

“I think I’ve been in love with you,” Stiles answers, his hand sliding up Derek’s toned back, feeling the expanse of smooth muscle as he pulls back just enough to look into his eyes.  “I’m in love with all of you Derek.  You don’t need to hide anything from me.”

It still catches Derek off guard how simply Stiles puts it, like him being Batman is just another night job.  The absurdity of that make him laugh, a low chuckle that has him shaking his head.

“I know you are.  And I…  I don’t want to hide anymore, at least not from you.  But there is so much about my life you don’t know, so much to learn, to deal with.  There is danger, for me and my family, for those in love if who I really am ever got out.  You will… you will worry about me when I’m gone, and I don’t know if you’re ready to deal with this Stiles.”

Stiles makes an offended noise at that, smacking Derek’s chest lightly.  “Derek, my dad was a cop.  You think I don’t know what it’s like to worry that someone you love might not make it home each night?  Yes, I’ll be worried, and I’m sure there is a lot I don’t know.  But one thing you should know is that when you love someone, you’re always afraid for them.  That doesn’t mean you stop loving them, it means you love them more, love them harder, keep them close and enjoy every minute because you never know when it could be your last.  And as for learning, well, I’m a quick study.”

Derek shakes his head, casting his eyes away before he’s pulled right back to those whiskey eyes.  “How?  How can you make me feel this way after all this time?  Like maybe, like maybe Batman doesn’t have to be the only side of my life.  Like maybe there can be more…”

“Because I’ve totally fallen for you Derek Hale.  Batman.  Whichever moniker you want to use, I’m here.  I know what it’s like to lose family, to feel powerless.  I know what it’s like to see the law fail, to wish for someone or something to bring justice where it’s deserved.  I may not be able to understand everything about you, not yet anyway, but I know what’s inside here,” he rests a hand over Derek’s heart, “and I want to know more.  I want to know everything.  I will never try to change you or make you stop your mission.  All I ask is to be allowed to come along for the ride Derek.”

And that’s all it takes.  He thought it would be harder, impossible even for someone to break down his walls, to make him feel this way.  But Stiles is a master of the impossible, and even if he knows it will take time, that there will be bumps along the way, he can’t imagine anyone else trying so hard for him.  Can’t imagine feeling this way about another person.

“Come home with me.  Meet my family, see the Hale mansion,” he says on a whim, surprising himself.

Stiles eyes light up and he's nodding before he can even speak.  “I’d love to!”  He says, kissing Derek excitedly. “Waiiiiiiiit, does this mean I get to see the Batcave?!”

Derek should have expected that.  He just laughs and kissed Stiles, heading him towards the shower.

“No, seriously, I want to see the Batcave.  I’ve heard stories…”

“Play things cool and I might even let you inside the Batcave,” Derek laughs.

“Well you’ve already been in my Batcave, I think it’s only fair I’m returned the favor,” Stiles teases, wiggling his eyebrows.

Derek raises his own in response, giving him a skeptical look before breaking into a grin.  “I’d like for you to come in my Batcave.  Both of them.”  He smirks and winks at Stiles and it’s probably the dorkiest and hottest thing he’s ever heard.

As they get in the shower, hands exploring each other’s bodies as their mouths do the same, the water cascades over them.

“I love you Derek,” Stiles whispers.

“I love you too Stiles,” Derek answers, and he knows it’s true.  And for the first time in a long time Derek feels something new, not just love, but hope.  For the city, for the future, and most importantly, for himself.

[black-th1rt3en]

End the new year with a POP and a BANG!

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ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ɴᴇᴡ ʏᴇᴀʀ!

ᴶᴼᴷᴱᴿ'ˢ ᴿᴱˢᴼᴸᵁᵀᴵᴼᴺ: ᶠᵁᴺ ᴼᵛᴱᴿ ᴹᴼᴺᴱᵞ!

WARNING!: mature content y’all!!

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Also there’s a video that goes with this! I just posted it separately

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COLORS FLOATED WITH A RUBBER SHEEN, anchored by a taut plastic string tied around wads of colorful monopoly cash. None of it was real, even in the ridiculous amount - all fifty million of it.

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The balloons would waver in the slight breeze, sometimes dragging the cash-kedge around until they’d hit against each other and bounce back like a speed-bag. It made an uncomfortable squeak each time it happened, and it was the first thing he woke up to.

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The second was a horrible cold, which short analysis served to reveal his stark nakedness in an uninsulated room. Wide open with all but the windows and doors closed - revealing a grayscale warehouse between the rows of rising color. Down there was a pool of black, the scent ripping at his senses as it glared back at him in the dull reflection of some dull lights hanging above, shading the world in a soft rainbow.

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“Wha…” His lips were numb. Everything was numb and heavy, and his arms… was that rope? He couldn’t move them. He struggled, the friction rubbing at his skin and drawing lines of blood until they hit on the ledge below him. Dripping like a soft faucet. His tongue felt heavy as drool began to fall from his lips, also numb.

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A door slammed open out of his line of sight, and then a voice; one from nightmares, stuff twisted from rotten candy and bloodied lips vibrated through the air like a bolt of lightning. “Wakey wakey, eggs n’ shakey!” There was a string of giggles that followed, mirth seeping into the echoing words, “Did sleeping beauty get all rested up? I sure hope so! It’d be hilarious if you looked bad at your own going away party.”

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There was a short hiss, metal on metal, and a flicker of white came into vision: the sight of metal reflecting light. “Thing is, I don’t know if the rest of the invitations got lost, or no one wanted to see your sorry carcass burst into flames, but no one is here but you and me! Here I was thinking that roasting marshmallows is still a hip thing ta do at partiessss. Suppose I must’ve been wrong.”

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He came into view - the Joker - appearing menacing as ever, green hair long and lanky and pushed back from his face, purple suit tailored and the knife coming full circle as he swung his arms in wide gestures. Every movement was followed with wide, god fearing eyes.

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“You know - wait, wait waiiiiiit - how rude of me, are you cold?” He gestured to the stark nakedness of the man, who was shivering in nothing but his slick skin and a leaf to cover the more…uh, private of areas. “Anyways, y’know so I’ve got a story to tell you, right? It’s actually kinda funny, ha, becoz you’re in it! So, sooooo, I’m sitting in my nice ol’ abode makin’ preparations for the New Years party and I get a nice hospitality call from Niko and you know what he says? Apparently some complete idiot decided to steal all the funds for my little project. So P O O F! A magic transition from this year to the next is gone, because I’m left with next to nothing.”

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The Joker doesn’t laugh this time.

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“I’ll make it work though, I always do. But I couldn’t help but find something funny in it. You know what’s funny about it? Hmmmm? Maybe even, very p o s s i b l y the funniest thing I’ve ever heard?” He leers, teeth bared in a horrible play of a smile. “The thought, the smallest inkling even, that you thought you could burn me and get away clean.”

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Balloons around him, that horrible deadly simper playing on his lips; eyes blacker than death, like two gaping holes that were accentuated by the harsh lines shadowed in his face - he made the devil look pleasant.

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“Bo...B...Boss I sswearya’ve got the wrong idea here - !”

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He laughed, coldly this time, and the absolute chill in his faux amusement pinched harder than the atmosphere of the room.

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“Wrong idea? Wrong idea?!?” He lunged forward, knife reappearing in his grasp and pressing tightly to the man’s quivering bottom lip in a clear message. “Nossiree! You’ve got the wrong i d e a to think that I wouldn’t do this,” He gestured vaguely around him, “when you decided to stab ol’ Uncle Joker in the back. Did ya think I’d let it go to waste?”

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He was seething, foaming at the corners of his mouth and looking like some rabid dog. He turned away, breathing quickly from his nose before his head tucked back to look ahead, gaining some semblance of calmness.

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“Either way I suppose I should thank you,” he laughed shortly, breathlessly here. “just because I realized that full-scale isn’t always the route to really kick things off. I know I seem the flashy type and all, and I really truly am, but maybe jussss’ maybe my New Years resolution will entail me enjoying more of the smaller things in life, like balloons, and miscellaneous flammable stuff, then of course lighters… can’t be complete without a nice one from 7-11 amirite?” He pulled one seemingly from thin air, “Look it’s even got some smiley faces on that and… blood? Ha, I remember, poor register guy didn’t even see it comin for him. He heee.”

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A pause, and he grimaced.

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“Ahh, I’ve gotten off track, where was I, again?”

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He looked thoughtful for a moment and glanced at his wrist as if to check his time but there was no watch, and the man murmured past the knife a barely distinguishable answer.

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“Sh, yeah, I remember! Okay, so you went all houdini with my bucks, leaving just enough for me to throw this little hooplah together last minute to satiate the need for a colorful New Years. I mean if you’re not afraid to burn me, and presumably my money too, then why should I not return the favor? Gracious of me, right? I thought so too.” He giggled some, twisting the blade so it knicked his skin enough to spur feeling but turning the sharp part inwards to allow some restrained movement for a response. “What do you think?”

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“Pleas...please boss. I swear, I’ve got a family..! I swear to you - “

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“You s-suh-suh-swear to me? That’s cute. Cos I could’ve sworn the man on that tape with fifty million of my bucks in tow was you. It’s all here again now, but in monopoly form...” he tapped the knife against the inside of the man’s cheek a few times. “But if we’re making promises, I guess I should re-iterate-uhhh that this is going to hurt, a lotttttttt. And I can say that with about 99% confidence, the one percent being that I’ve never personaly experienced it before, I’ve just got a very good guess. Just make sure to give it a Yelp review if you survive, yeah? I mean I don’t know if you’re fingers will work if that does miraculously happen, but I’m all into miracles.“

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He drew the knife back, and in a single cat-like movement he concealed himself behind the man who was staring forward with blood dripping from his lip and tears streaming from his eyes. He shook his head, moaning incomprehensible pleas. The Joker pushed the chair forward, the scraping of the chair sounding like individual screams as it scraped on the floor and neared him towards the cesspool of black.

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He’d almost forgotten, what between the pain in his hands and the bitter cold and the ramblings of a madman - now his eyes, blurred by their own sorrow, could hardly look away from the fate below, accentuated by the little happy balloons floating around like it really was some sort of pathetic pity party.

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“Money’s miniscule in the grand scheme of things my boy, just gotta enjoy what you’ve got right in front of you.” He snickered, “I mean I surely will, but that’s because I’m not the one covered in flammable gel and about to go skinny-dipping in a fire-hot tub. Literally!”

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The Joker kicked the legs of the chair, watching as the foundation toppled to favor its weight forward and let the man capsize forward into the pool. It was deep enough for him to sit upright, but he’d certainly broken a shin or knee or two on the way down if those pop-pop-pops meant anything.

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The Joker looked on, a cruel smile lilting at his lips and reaching into the depths of his eyes until the small flame from the lighter betwixt his fingers was reflected in them. He extended his arm into the open space then watched it drop down… falling down into the pool as a fire erupted and climbed over the expanse of the surface.

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A balloon popped in the air, a short blaze glittering from the inside and tinted pink from the color of the plastic before it wilted and fell, sending off a concatenation of similar sounds and blazing colors. The Joker hooted, hands clapping together at the shows as he quickly went to the door to avoid unnecessary collateral damage. The fire had yet to draw to the little oil-fish swimming in his little death pool.

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“Liquified-petroleum is light, light enough to fill balloons and very very flammable, and obviously oh so very cheap.” More pops, some so loud they sounded like a line of firecrackers. “I would stay to enjoy the show, but I think I’ll peak this one from the outside.”

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The building shook as the pops became more frequent, until his voice wouldn’t have been heard if he was shouting. But he’d gone through the door, and by now the flames were everywhere and even the water couldn’t save the greedy-fish-man. Everything was burning - from the Monopoly money to the stone floors - and he was burning with it.

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The cacophony of explosions followed the Joker into the night, and a small distance down the street he stopped to turn on his heel and reach into his pocket for some confetti. He’d intended to throw it at the traitor but must’ve forgotten in his excitement, so he gathered it in his palm and threw it into the air, watching as the little shreds of paper floated and danced in the breeze. Some drifted away, some fell down.

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He watched quietly, humming a short tune as his eyes traced the inflamed outline of the building, little embers rising to fill the night with color. There would be fireworks later, it wasn’t quite midnight yet.

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“We buy balloons, we let them go…”

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And surely enough as the flames engulfed the roof of the building, some balloons escaped in the patches unharmed and floated freely into the night, full of vibrancy until the black sky swallowed them whole.

[buttercreamficsx-blog]

I Don't Belong

Could you do one where jack finds out he’s adopted (I know he isn’t actually… I think) and Conor comforts him afterwards

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Despite Jack and Conor looking absolutely nothing alike, they were the same in so many ways. Both natural jokers, both successes and both loved the other. The two brothers were closer than most and they intended to stay that way.

For a video, Jack had asked his parents for boxes of his, Conor’s and Anna’s childhood things whilst he was visiting them with his brother. It was a rare opportunity that the three siblings were together at the same time. He wanted to find some funny photos, or artwork or stuff like that so the siblings could react to them. Jack decided to look through Anna’s first. He laughed to himself as he found terrible drawings and cringey photos. Next was Conor’s and jack couldn’t stop laughing. He couldn’t wait to show these to his brother. He found Conor’s birth certificate and read it, then put it back in the box. Lastly, he opened his. He grinned as he saw pictures he remembered drawing, and stories he wrote when he was younger. He eventually reached the bottom of the box and frowned. Where was his birth certificate? He saw Anna’s as he was sifting through and he had seen Conor’s, but where was his. Confused, he decided to ask his parents. He assumed it was in another box. Little did he know, that wasn’t the case.

Jack walked into the living room where both his parents were sat watching TV. “Hey sweetie” his mum said, smiling. “Hey mum, dad” “Did you find what you wanted in those boxes?” His dad asked. “Yeah yeah, well, actually no. I have a question. Where’s my birth certificate?” “W-what?” His mother stuttered, quickly glancing at her husband. “Conor’s and Anna’s are in there, but mine isn’t. Is it in another box somewhere?” “I think you better sit down Jack” his father said, his voice suddenly very serious.

Jack sat besides his parents on the couch, looking concerned. “What’s wrong?” “Look Jack, we love you. You know that right?” “Of course mum, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me” “After Conor was born, we wanted another baby, so we tried for another. And we tried for a while, but it didn’t work. We were told we couldn’t have children and that Conor was an exception. He shouldn’t have been made, but he was. And we’re ever so grateful we were granted him, but we wanted another. So we, we looked into adoption” “No. No no no no no” Jack mumbled to himself. “Jack as soon as we saw a photo of you we fell in love. It felt right. You were meant to be with us” his mother said, reaching an arm across to touch Jack. He pulled back quickly and stood up. He stumbled back slightly until he hit a wall. “I- I’m adopted. You’re not my parents” he stuttered. “No Jack. We are. You are our son and we love you so so much. We raised you and we love you no more, no less than Anna or Conor” “But I don’t belong here. I’m not part of this family” he whispered, realisation hitting him. “Jack, Jack that’s not true. I am your mother, you are my son. You belong here just as much as anyone else. Just because I didn’t give birth to you, it doesn’t make me any less of a mother” “I can’t, I can’t be here. I just can’t” Jack said as he stormed out of the house. As he opened the front door he crashed into Conor, who stumbled back. Jack didn’t stop. He ran down the road and out of sight. “Mum? Dad? What happened? What’s wrong with Jack?” Conor asked, concerned for his little brother. “He just needs time” his dad said, both his parents sat on the couch. His father had his armed wrapped around his mother, comforting her. “What did you say to him?!” “Leave it Conor. Not now” his mum said. “No I won’t leave it. Jack is upset and I want to know why. Fine. If you won’t tell me, I’ll ask him myself” “Conor no! Don’t do it pl-“ But it was too late. He was gone.

Conor walked down to the beach, he knew Jack would be there. He walked towards the rocks, the place where the two of them used to go when they were younger. He saw Jack staring out to the water, face showing pain. Conor sat beside him, and looked at him. “Hey” he said. “Hi” Jack replied. “What’s wrong” “Nothing” “Come on bro, I’m not stupid” “Don’t call me that. Just… don’t” Jack said quietly, pain and sadness in his eyes. “Don’t call me that? Don’t call you what? What are you on about? Jack? Tell me” Conor asked, turning his body so he sat opposite him. “Im not your brother Conor” “I don’t understand” “I’m ad-“ Jack took a deep breath before he continued. “I’m adopted” Conor gasped. He couldn’t believe it. His baby brother, well he, wasn’t. Well he was, just not biologically. “Jack I-“ “Don’t. Don’t say it. I can’t bear it” “Don’t say what?” “That you hate me. That you never want to speak to me” “What? Why? Why would I EVER say that Jack!” “Because I’m not your brother. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong anywhere” Jack cried, tears slipping down his face. “First off, you are my brother. I don’t care who says differently. Maybe not biologically, but you are as much my sibling as Anna is. I’ve known you since you were a baby. You’ve been my best friend since I was 3 and you were just a small, screaming kid. I don’t care if we have different parents, because we don’t really. Mum and dad, OUR mum and dad raised us both. And even if you don’t belong to them biologically, you belong to them regardless. They love you. I love you. You belong here Jack, you belong with us” “Why didn’t they want me” Jack sobbed, shoulders shaking. “Who?” “My actual mother and father” “I don’t know Jack, but I do know one thing. It was their loss, not yours. They lost the best person in the world. They lost an amazing, talented, funny person in their lives and we gained one. You were meant to be with us Jack, you just were” “You won’t treat me differently?” Jack whimpered. “No. I would never. As far as I’m concerned, you’re as much my brother as you were 10 minutes ago. Maybe even more now” “Please don’t leave. Like they did. Please just, don’t” “I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I promise. I love you Jack” “I love you too” he whispered back, wiping his tears. “Now, come on. Let’s go back home. Mum and dad will want to see you. And I for one, am absolutely starving” Jack chuckled and took the hand Conor held out for him and was pulled up. The two brothers walked slowly back to the house, a comfortable silence passing between them. Words weren’t necessary anymore. Jack knew that he belonged. And his family, his REAL family wanted him there and Jack, well Jack wanted to be there too.

[writing-in-the-impala]

The Man Behind The Mask (Part 3)

Part 1

Part 2

Masterlist

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x Reader Words: 2.1 k

I sat down at the small table with Bruce. Alfred made the most delicious breakfast and I complemented him so much that I made his cheeks blush a bit. After we ate Bruce put on a beauty suite and walked out fixing the cufflinks. "I need to go to a stupid meeting, I'll be back in an hour or two." Bruce said. "So what, I'm just meant to stay here? Alone?" I asked putting on a puppy dog face. "No you have Alfred, just finish of the movie you slept through last night." Bruce said. I went over and hugged Alfred. "We don't need Bruce." I said in a childish was which earned me a chuckle from Bruce and Alfred. I sat watching Netflix while Alfred was doing stuff...somewhere. I was really bored browsing through Netflix. I had one of Bruce's smallest shirts on and my skirt. I was laying on the couch when Alfred walked in. "Hello miss L/N." "Why do you call me that?" "That is your name, isn't it?" Alfred's tone seemed slightly worried. "Yes but, you can just call me by my first name. Unless I should call you Mr Pennyworth." "Thank you for correcting me." Alfred said. "It's okay Alfie, so what's up?" I asked casually. "I was just wondering, I understand if you don't won't to answer, but are you and Bruce serious?" Alfred asked. "Sorry Alfred, I don't know. I mean I like him but we just spent one night together I don't want to rush things." I replied. "I just, he's not like you read in the papers." Alfred said. "Alfred I write papers I know exactly about how people aren't like they are in the papers." I said. Our conversation then went on to my job and newspapers in general. I learned about Alfred's backstory and what he did before working for the Wayne family, I also learned a bit about Bruce's past mostly childhood and how he dealt with his parents death. We talked and talked till Bruce came back. As soon as he came back in I hugged him as a welcome. "You stole my shirt." He said in a cheeky tone. "I don't have any other clothes." I said. "I never said there was anything wrong with you wearing my shirt." Bruce said. "I'm sorry I needed it." I said. "You don't anymore." Bruce said, we were still hugging wig his chin on my head. "I'm going to leave." Alfred said, I forgot he was still in the room. "Thanks Alfred." Bruce said. "You know you look good in that shirt." He continued. "Maybe I should keep it on forever." I joked. "Maybe not." Bruce said leaning in for a kiss on my lips. Should I kiss back? It's all happening so fast. The kiss was full of lust and passion, Bruce had his arms around me, I felt like I could stay there forever, if I was able to I would stop time. It came to an abrupt end when we heard someone clear their throat at the door. "Clark?" I said in shock and surprise. "Y/N?" Clark said in the same amount of surprise. "Bruce?" Bruce said as a joke.

"What are you doing here?" I asked Clark. "I thought you're sick?" Clark replied. "I am *Fake coughing* see." I replied. "Yep, sure you are." Clark said. "Wait you two know each other." Bruce said in confusion. "Yeah, the Daily Planet ring a bell?" I said. "Work, of course." Bruce said. "Anyway Y/N could you give us a few minutes?" Bruce asked kindly. "Sure." I replied. Bruce's PoV ~~~~~~~~~~ Clark and I went down to the Batcave, while Y/N was still in my house, I was a bit scared she'd wonder in and realise I am Batman, it would put her in so much danger and I don't want to do that. She actually means a lot to me, I really like her. "So I hear the Joker is back." Clark says. "Yeah there's been reports in this, this and this area. But he seems different." I said pointing at the computer screen. "So like a Imposter." Clark questioned. "Sort of, but more like a protégé." I said. "So we need to catch this guy before he causes the same damage as the original." Clark said. "Yes, and we need to try and find the quick guy, what's his name. Flash." I said. "Yeah." Clark said. "I think that's it for now, we need to start planning for catching this guy and then we are ready." I said. "Yep, now go back to kissing your date." Clark said. "I would like to." I replied.                                                                                    ~ Bruce and Clark finally walked in, I jumped up from the couch and hugged Bruce. "You guys finally finished?" I asked. "Yes, I think so." Bruce answered. "Clarrrrrk?" I said stretching out his name, it was obvious that i wanted something. "What's up?" Clark said. "Can you drive me home?" I asked giving him puppy dog eyes. "Sure but why me not Bruce?" Clark asked. "Yeah why not Bruce?" Bruce said. "Because you're going home anyway and I already tried getting a ride home from Bruce and then I ended up calling in sick." I explained. "You wanted to stay." Bruce said. "Yes, and it was sweet of you letting me stay the night. Thank you Bruce." I said kissing his cheek. "Are you stealing my shirt then?" Bruce playfully asked as Clark and I walked out the door. "Um yeah, I am. If you want it back you know how to find me." I said. I got home and felt for the first time in a while full of energy. I slept so well in Bruce's bed, and so long. I was actually pretty happy I had a day off but not so happy about not getting paid for a day. I didn't really have that much spending money, my wage covered the bills and the food shopping but left barley anything behind and missing a day of work definitely wouldn't help increase my income. If my money problems were too bad I could always ask my dad for money but I didn't like doing that, he was successful and surprisingly earned a lot. I was just relaxing round the house, I cleaned a bit however my apartment was always clean because I practically only slept and ate there while the rest of my life I spent at work. I heard my phone vibrate and I walked to the kitchen counter where it was to check it. Bruce: How do I get my shirt back? I smiled to myself because I knew I will see him again. Me: Magic. Bruce: That's my favourite short :( Can I have it back? Me:  yes Bruce: How do I get it? Me: Magic Bruce: I just used the last of my magic to get you to stay the night and call in sick. Me: you didn't need magic for that. Bruce: really? Finally he got the hint that I like him, I thought he was meant to be a playboy they've meant to be able to score all the time right? And Bruce already slept with me and in the same house as me, twice and he still hasn't got the hint that I like him. Me: Your 3 questions are up, thank you for playing. Bruce: I'll send Alfred over to get it okay? I hesitated with my answer but said it anyway. Me: how about you get it? Me: you know cause it's YOUR shirt. Bruce: I'm leaving now. Is this really happening? Okay this is happening too fast. I wasn't sure what he looked like two or three days ago now I have a crush on him and I'm failing at flirting with him. ~~~ About twenty minutes later I heard a knock on the door. That was fast I thought to myself, I went to answer it and it was Lois. "Lois?" I said in surprise. "Wait let me check, yep Lois." She said. "Come in. Um not to sound rude but what are you doing here?" I asked as politely as possible. "Checking how you feeling, in other words good excuse for leaving work when I know you are okay." She said sitting down. "Clark?" I asked. "Yep, he tells me all the gossip. And he told me you slept at someone's house and he caught you kissing." Lois said, she seemed really happy about this. "Yes, we kissed. Now shoo I don't want to kick you out but I'm kicking you out." I said. "Why?" Lois said she seemed offended. "Someone's coming over." I simply said. "Bruce?" She asked with a cheeky smile on her face. "Yes Bruce, now please leave." "When did he say he's coming?" Lois asked. "I don't know he left his house about twenty minutes ago." "Meaning he won't be here for like forty." Lois said. "You can stay for half an hour." I said. "Yay. Now tell me how did last night go?" "Alright, we went to a nice restaurant where I did not fit in. Then went to his house watched Netflix till we fell asleep." "That's it?" Lois asked on disappointment. "Pretty much." I said. "And where does the kissing come in?" Lois asked. "Well, I'm not even sure how we got to it but we just started kissing but it got cut short by Clark." "WHAT?" Lois said in surprise. "Yeah for some reason he was there and he coughed and we stopped." "I can't believe that. Clark had to ruin everything."  Lois said. After that we started talking, time ran away from us until we heard a knock on the door TAG LIST (I tagged people who liked the last part, if you would like to be removed from the tag list send me a ask, message or reply. Thanks x

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[timeladyjodie]

So I finished MEA!

Thoughts below cut. SPOILERS. 

Firstly, I want to say that I tried to make this post so it wouldn’t go into tags. If it does somehow end up in the mass effect tags, please don’t send me angry messages on how you disagree. This post was meant for my followers. 

I’m going to get the controversial stuff out of the way. We’ve all seen the drama about the facial animations, the MLM romances, Hainly whatever-her-name is. TBH, I’m not that offend since Bioware announced they’re going to fix it all in updates? Like, no one ever takes responsibility for mistakes anymore (look at fucking Trump if you want an example), good on Bioware for saying “We fucked up, there is no excuse, we’ll be fixing it in a patch.” In this age, I deeply admire anyone who is willing to admit when they do wrong, apologize, and try and make up for mistakes. And they’ll be fixing things in updates they won’t even be charging us for?? Like when people criticized Square Enix for not including female party members, SE just went on about how they wanted a game about the male experience, and well “There will be guest female party members!” Such condescending BS. Honestly, I’m just relieved to see a gaming company who cares about their consumers enough to listen to feedback and strive to improve, instead of having Square Enix’s attitude of “Fuck what the customers wants! We want our media to be how WE want it to be, and we’re not changing it for anyone!1” Honestly the reason why I am a loyal customer to Bioware those days, but couldn’t care less about modern SE. And honestly, I would rather a company fuck up trying to include representation than not bother at all. Trying and fucking up says your intentions were in the right place, but something went wrong. Not trying says you don’t give a crap to start with. Fuck you SE. I guess to me none of this is a dealbreaker since they’ve apologized and are going to fix it. 

That said, I enjoyed the game a lot despite the problems ^. The storyline was a huge improvement on DAI! I felt like the stakes were bigger. Like the climax wasn’t just “got to defeat this mad loony.” It was “Oh HELL NO. This assclown has my brother PREPARE TO DIE.” Like my heart was breaking so much for Scott. He was so strong and brave fighting the Archon! I wish there was a hug narrative interrupt after the final battle, lol. Anyway, I felt like Ryder had plenty to lose. Scott, the worlds she’d worked so hard to make habitable, her friends, hell I was even anxious when the nexus crash landed on Meridan because “Ryder’s mom is in stasis on there! Holy shit! Are the folks in stasis OK?!” 

Anyway, Corypheus was just a mustache twirling villain, but the kett? Like to me they’re interesting because they think they’re doing the right thing. I mean, exaltation is basically how they reproduce, right?  I saw an email from Lexi (Or maybe it wasn’t Lexi?) at one point saying they have no reproductive organs. And I mean, reproducing by committing mass genocide is obvs evil, but I guess when you look at it from their POV, they don’t really have a choice. IDK, to me it was just more interesting  and complex that crazy-ass Corypheus. I have a lot of questions about the Kett, and the Jardaan, but hopefully they’ll answer those in later games. 

I loved all the companions! Unlike DAI, where I like... Care about half of them and then don’t care about the other half. Like this crew felt like a family. After DAI, everyone just splits up and does their own thing, goes back to their own lives. But I don’t feel like your Tempest people would just leave you to go back to their old lives. Also, please don’t be angry at me for this, but in the original trilogy... Honestly, I only care about Kiadan, Tali, Joker, EDI and that’s pretty much it. But I LOVED LOVED LOVED this cast. 

And one thing I loved about your Tempest crew, is that I still felt important to people even if I wasn’t romancing them. Suvi still gives me her milky way tea, Cora still lets me plant flowers with her. Gil will still want me to met his BFF Jill. Like on the other hand, in DAI... Solas only removes your vallaslin if you’re in a romance. Cullen only gives you the coin if you’re dating, etc. Basically, I feel like DAI had those subtle undertones that like... Friendship is okay, but romance is the ultimate way of caring about someone. And as a grey-aromantic person that just... Kinda offends me, lol. 

Combat was pretty good. I love hit people with biotics. :D 

I liked my Liam romance! At first in the flirting stages I was like “eh, okay nice” but after you lock in? SO AWESOME. I don’t want to spoil, but Liam knows how to make a date romantic. :D And he’s probably one of the more ready-to-commit Bioware romance options?? Like yes!! I love his personality. Such a bright-sunny-idealist. <3 

What else.... This game was fairly easy to advance in compared to the original Mass Effect trilogy. Honestly, I rage quit both of the first games and just watched them on youtube because I would get to a certain point after about 19 hours of gameplay, realized I’d done something wrong or had triggered something too soon, and .... yeah. I feel like if I’ll ever want beat the original trilogy, I’ll have to use a walkthrough, but this game I cruised through. :D Everything was more... Straightforward and easier to figure out, I guess. I shouldn’t have to seek out a walkthrough just to beat a game. Maybe to figure out one puzzle or one boss, but not because I made such a colossal mistake I have to basically start over.

Also, I want to close this by saying that this review might make it seem like I hate DAI, but I don’t, lol. I love DAI! If anything, I feel like this review just makes it clear that they improved a lot from their last game, which is great!