#but like. they could've at least told me that???

[c0s-lettuce]

your orbit

steve harrington x reader

synopsis: amidst a night of board games, junk food and extraordinary company, the only thing steve can think about is you.

→ or the deterioration of steve harrington's mind over the course of an evening.

word count: 4.1k

warnings/tags: fem!reader, set around s4 but no upside down, eddie and robin aren't subtle, steve just really loves you, childhood best friends to strangers to friends, one bed but not really ;)

a/n: i love ex bestie steve! i've been wanting to write for him for a while, so hope i did him justice. joe keery favourite white boy frrr. pls forgive any inaccuracies and thanks for reading <3

5 PM

Steve decided to take advantage of having the house to himself. His parents are gone for the week, as they so often are. So, he sent out a few invitations to some of his closest friends. A small get-together, he told them, nothing fancy.

Robin accepted, of course. And Nancy and Jonathan, too. Steve only told Dustin about the party, but he already knew that word would spread to all the other kids.

But Steve has a mini panic attack when he finds out you're coming. He isn't too sure where he stands with you these days. Your friendship has all but rekindled, but Steve is still wary around you, terrified of messing up again. You accepted the invitation, though. That's a good thing. Right?

As Steve waits for people to arrive, he takes out his only activities, a deck of cards and a single board game he received as a gift but never opened. He's relying on his friends with siblings and/or a healthier relationship with their parents to bring more things to do.

He sets out the snacks he bought. Chips and candy are laid out over the island counter in the kitchen, and soda is stacked in the fridge. Steve even sets aside a little stash of what he hopes are still your favourites. He also managed to get his hands on some beer, and there's money set aside for pizza later.

Soon enough, people start showing up. Robin arrives first, followed by Dustin, Lucas and Max. Then Nancy and Jonathan arrive with Mike, Will and El. Then you. And finally, Eddie.

The gaggle of children quickly bee-line for the snacks and games. Steve watches with disdain, knowing there'll be a mess to clean up after. But at least his other guests appear happy to see their gracious host, with you among them.

Steve pretty much shortcircuits when you arrive. You're dressed nicely, and your hair is all pretty. You lean in to give him a quick hug, greeting him fondly. He may as well have cancelled the night then because he's sure his heart stopped for a second.

He only snaps out of it when Eddie arrives, slapping him so hard on the back that it could've been an alternative to the Heimlich maneuver. Suddenly, the population of the house has gone from one to a dozen, and noise and energy immediately replace the prior peace.

Steve quickly realises that he's in for a long night.

6 PM

"So, what's the story between the two of you?" Eddie asks.

Steve blinks, caught off guard by the question. He turns to the other boy, who awaits his answer with a half-curious, half-smug expression.

"Nothing, man," Steve mutters, taking a sip of his beer.

"Nothing, huh?" Eddie smirks. "Is that why you're staring at her like she's the love of your life?"

Steve glares at Eddie, wondering who even invited him. Eddie is the newest addition to the larger friend group. Dustin is very fond of him. And from what Steve has heard, so are you. He's in a few of the same classes as you, and there's a rumour among the kids that you used to be in Hellfire for a semester in your sophomore year.

The thought of you being close to Eddie bothers Steve. He chases the feeling away with another sip.

"Come on, big boy," Eddie nudges him. "We're friends now. You can tell me."

He looks back at you. You're sat around the coffee table with the kids in the middle of a round of Uno. And you look so lovely. You always do. Even the way you're holding the cards is pretty. You're the perfect culmination of everything sweet. No wonder the kids are hogging you.

He looks back at Eddie, who's still regarding Steve with inquisitive and mischievous eyes. Steve considers acquiescing, especially since Eddie is willing to listen. At the very least, it'll give Robin a break from dealing with his usual sulking.

"We were really close in middle school," Steve begins. "Best friends, even. But then I started high school, and... well, you can probably guess the rest."

"Ah," Eddie nods, understanding immediately. "I see."

Steve continues. "We only spent a year apart. And she was so excited to join me. But then-"

"Then King Steve emerged, and you left her in the dirt," Eddie remarks.

Steve cringes at the wording but doesn't refute it. It's an accurate recount of what happened. He knew he was horrible, not just to you but to everyone. He regrets nothing more than abandoning you and letting his so-called friends pick on you. Meanwhile, he stood by, telling himself worthless excuses to justify how things turned out.

You and Steve remained strangers after he left his throne behind. And it probably would've stayed that way if he didn't become coworkers with one Robin Buckley, who had become your new best friend in his absence.

He remembers the days you would visit Scoops Ahoy, mostly to distract Robin and make his job harder. You would often give him quick glances and polite smiles, never going out of your way to talk to him. However, he would occasionally catch your eyes lingering on him.

Robin would tell him you were checking him out, insisting she knew how her best friend thinks. But he was convinced you were judging him for his dumb hat and sailor outfit. Nothing ever made him wish he could crawl into a hole and die more than that.

But suddenly, he was back in your orbit again. And he's never left since.

Turning his attention back to you, Steve watches you play your last card, earning a groan from a few of the other players. You stand up victorious, stepping away from the table to grab another drink from the kitchen.

Steve recognises this as the perfect time to approach you and say something other than the "hey" he offered when you arrived. But just as he's about to muster up the courage, the doorbell rings, indicating the arrival of pizza.

With a sigh and another slap on the back from Eddie, he turns away to retrieve the food.

7 PM

You fit in well with the others. Not that it's a bad thing. It's great, actually. It just reminds Steve how much time has passed and how things have changed. It makes him think of what could've been.

You being best friends with Robin makes more sense than hot chocolate on a rainy day. You're like two peas in a pod. You match each other's energy, and both have a sort of charming madness about you.

The kids obviously like you. Not that their criteria are that high. But it helps that you used to work at the arcade and would give them your spare quarters. Plus, the rumour that you used to be in Hellfire makes you seem like a legend in their eyes.

Even Max likes you. He could tell because you were the one she approached earlier, asking if she could have a beer. You laughed and told her no. She just pouted and accepted it. Steve knew if he told her no, he would've been left with an insult.

You aren't particularly close to Nancy or Jonathan. Still, Steve knew they respected you, which means a lot, especially from someone like Nancy. And, of course, Eddie is... Eddie.

Steve comes to the realisation that he's jealous of everyone at the party. They all have a place in your life, in your heart. He wonders if there's even room left for him. There was a time when he occupied all that space. And it's his own fault that changed. Still, he can't help but hope.

The pizza disperses and disappears quickly. As the others chase their dinner with more snacks and set up another game, Steve remains leaning against the wall. He's so deep in thought that he doesn't notice someone approaching him.

"Steve?"

He flinches at the voice. It's you.

"H-hey," he stutters.

"Hey," you reply. "You okay? You seem a bit... distraught."

Steve takes a second to respond but nods. "Yeah, yeah. I'm good, just thinking."

You tilt your head, sensing more to the story but not wanting to pry. "Alright. Just don't hurt yourself."

Steve chuckles nervously, both relieved and terrified that you're making jokes with him.

You point back towards the coffee table. "The others are about to start a game of Monopoly. Did you want to join?"

He looks towards the group, at Dustin micromanaging how Will sets up the board. At Max and El scheming their game plan, having already picked the token they want to use. And at Mike dragging over his reluctant-looking sister, an amused-looking boyfriend following behind.

Steve knew he ought to join in, having just been standing around all night. But the idea of playing a game about capitalism with a group of kids who took board games way too seriously doesn't appeal to him right now.

So, he shakes his head. "No thanks. You go ahead."

You glance at the others before turning back. "Nah, I'm good. I need a break from getting lectured by Dustin."

Steve snorts. "Yeah, that kid's got a mouth on him. You wouldn't believe how often he tries to give me dating advice."

"He gives you dating advice?" you ask, amused.

"Yeah," Steve answers. "Now that he has a girlfriend, he thinks he's unstoppable. A girlfriend he wouldn't even have if it weren't for me, by the way. I taught him everything he knows."

You laugh and shrug. "Well, maybe you could learn something, Steve. You know, the whole 'student becomes the master' thing?"

Steve lets out a huff. "No, no way. Besides, I don't need a girlfriend when I've got-"

You, he almost says. But he clears his throat and corrects himself.

"Uh, all of you," he states, vaguely gesturing to the party. "My friends, you know?"

His words make you grin. "Aww, Steve-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he mumbles. "Just don't tell anyone I said that."

He averts his gaze. His cheeks flush a bit, but he's holding back a smile. He's glad to have gotten that reaction from you.

You're about to tease him some more when Robin's voice interrupts, calling for your help from upstairs.

You sigh, looking back at Steve. "Duty calls. I'll leave you to your thinking."

You give him a cheeky smile before you leave, a smile that makes it seem like you somehow read his mind and found his thoughts amusing. He can only watch as you walk away again.

8 PM

Steve isn't sure how he got here, sitting next to you on the carpet. The Monopoly game was cut short after Lucas and Mike got into a heated argument. And now they've switched to The Game of Life, which hopefully won't cause any fights.

Not only did Steve get roped into playing, he got teamed up with you. You had been calling most of the shots during the game, but when you reached the marriage space, stuck a little pink peg next to the blue one and murmured, "That's us," to Steve... well, it all got a bit confronting for the poor boy.

He felt like a fool, sitting there overthinking two words that likely were said as a joke. Steve had realised a while ago that he loved you. A part of him thinks he always has, ever since the early days of middle school.

But being friends with you again after everything is more than he felt he deserved, so he doesn't expect you to return those feelings just yet. But then you go ahead and say something like that. So casually, too. "That's us." Married. Yeah, right. Either you're cruel, or there's hope for him yet.

Steve manages to calm his emotions a few moments later. But as the game progresses, he continues comparing his life to the little blue peg that was supposedly him.

Steve, in the game, has a college degree, a decently-paying job, a pretty pink peg for a wife (which you've claimed to be you), three peg children and his own house, all while avoiding any mid-life crises.

Steve, in real life, at the ripe age of nineteen, has no idea what he's doing. He's been through at least two quarter-life crises. College is definitely not happening. And he's working a retail job Robin got for him through bribery. At least it came with a better uniform. One which would probably help with picking up girls if the girl he actually wanted wasn't the one currently sitting next to him.

At least now, when you visit Robin at work, you also come to see him. You make eye contact, give him bright smiles, and actually talk to him. And he has to do everything in his god-given power to not lose his mind each time.

But it's not all for nothing. After all, you're a loyal customer of Family Video, and Steve always looks after his patrons (as long as it's you). If he knows you'll be visiting, he'll put on one of your favourite movies on the TV in the store.

He'll also research movies he thinks you'll like, lie and say they're unavailable if someone tries to rent them before he can get them to you. It earns judgment from Robin, but he doesn't care. As long as it makes you happy.

Soon, Steve vows, he'll take you out to see a movie on the big screen. It'll be just the two of you at the back of the theatre with a big bucket of popcorn. He'll pull some cheesy move on you. You'll laugh at him or roll your eyes. Or maybe you'll fall for it. Either way, it'll be perfect.

Steve only checks back into the present when The Game of Life ends. He glances around the table, relieved no one has noticed him daydreaming. Everyone's cars are in the retired space, and Steve catches a glimpse of you and him and your three kids again. But he looks back at the real you as you turn to face him.

Steve is no help as you sort out how much money you ended up with, too busy admiring you instead. You're focused, doing maths in your head and using his lap as a surface to lay out the notes and cards. And somehow, he falls even more in love with you in this moment.

9 PM

The party has diminished, with Nancy and Jonathan having gone home with the kids. Now, just Steve, Robin, Eddie, and you remain. Outside, dark clouds have gathered, showering Hawkins in light rain.

The four of you are finishing the night off with one last card game. You had won, of course. And now Eddie has recruited your help. He has his arm around you, his head pressed against yours, his deck hiding your faces as you conspired his next move.

If Steve didn't know any better, he'd assume you two were a thing. But he does know better. Eddie must be doing this on purpose, trying to make him jealous or something. And it was working. Steve supposed that's what he deserves for trusting Eddie with his deepest, darkest regret.

The card game turns into a one-sided glaring contest, with Robin having to nudge Steve whenever it's his turn. With your help, Eddie finishes second. Robin comes third, and Steve loses the game. But at this point, he isn't even upset about it because it means his suffering is over.

Eddie finally lets go of you, letting out a contented sigh as he stretches his arms above his head.

"Alright," he announces. "I'm calling it a night. You ready to go, Buckley?"

Robin nods. "Yeah, let's head."

The two stand and begin gathering their things.

Eddie looks at you as he puts on his jacket. "You sure you don't want a ride home?"

You shake your head. "I'm good, Eds. You take Robin. My dad should be here soon."

Eddie accepts your answer with a nod, and you catch the slightest hint of a smirk. But you ignore it as you and Steve walk him and Robin to the door. You give them each a hug before they leave.

Robin has an expression you don't fully comprehend as she hugs you back, somewhere between smug and amused. "See you later, nerd. Make good choices, okay?"

You furrow your brow, but she heads out the door before you can ask what she means by that.

As Eddie steps out after her, he looks back at Steve. "Hey, Harrington. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

He sends Steve a wink, who frowns at the implication of his words. You notice Robin is still giving you that look. You send her a raised eyebrow in return. But no more words are exchanged as the two go their merry way.

"God, they're weird," Steve mutters as he closes the door.

His comment elicits a chuckle from you, which elicits a flutter in his chest. He turns to face you, unable to help the smile that graces his features just by looking at you. But a mildly awkward silence follows as Steve racks his brain on how to proceed now that it's just the two of you.

"You, uh- you want another drink?" he asks.

You smile and nod. "Yeah, sure."

His own smile widens. "Alright. You sit back down, and I'll get us some."

Steve heads into the now almost empty kitchen, grabbing two bottles before finding you again in the living room. You're sitting on the couch, packing up the deck of cards. Steve is momentarily distracted by the way your hands move.

But as he approaches and hands you your drink, he decides to be bold and sits close to you, throwing an arm over the back of the couch. He doesn't even have a millisecond to regret it because he feels you lean into his touch.

Steve revels in the satisfaction.

10 PM

Eddie and Robin seem to have left just in time because the storm picks up only a few minutes after they leave. You and Steve sit and chat for a while as you finish your drinks, and you help Steve clear up the empty cans and scattered wrappers despite him ordering you not to.

But even after everything is cleaned, your father still hasn't arrived. Steve watches as you wait, looking at the time again.

"You're welcome to stay over if that's easier for you," he tells you.

You look over at him, considering his offer. "You don't mind?"

Steve shakes his head. "No, of course not."

He doesn't mind. He doesn't mind at all. In fact, he would prefer it. He's used to being alone for days at a time. But it's a bit harrowing going from twelve people to just one, especially in a big empty house during a storm. Yes, he definitely wants you to stay.

"Okay," you say, "I'll just call my parents and ask what's happening."

Steve nods as you walk over to the phone and call home. It rings for a bit before someone picks up.

"Hello?" your mother's voice greets you.

"Hey, mom," you reply. "It's me."

The pitch of her voice changes immediately upon hearing your voice. "Hi, darling! Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to check if dad was still coming to pick me up?" you ask.

There's a pause before your mom groans. "Oh, I'm so sorry. We completely forgot. We had a lot of wine for dinner. I can go get him now."

"It's no big deal, mom," you interject. "The storm's getting pretty bad anyway. Steve said I could stay over."

Again, your mother's cadence changes, but you don't need to question why. You know she's always been a fan of Steve.

"Okay, darling," she responds. "That sounds like a good idea. You two take care, alright?"

You resist rolling your eyes, even though she's not around to see it. "Yeah, you too, mom. Bye."

Your mom bids you farewell, and you hang up the phone.

Steve, who waits patiently nearby, takes this as his cue to speak up. "You staying?"

You look over at him and nod. "I'm staying."

"Okay, great," Steve smiles. "You can take my room. I'll go in the guest bedroom."

"What? Steve, no," you say. "You don't have to do that. I'll take the guest bedroom."

"No, really," he insists. "It's cold and uncomfortable in there. Trust me."

"I'm the guest, Steve. I'll go in the guest bedroom," you respond.

"No, not happening," he states.

You frown. "I'm not letting you give up your room."

Steve crosses his arms. "Well, I'm not letting you stay in the guest bedroom."

There's a pause in the conversation as the two of you stare each other down, hoping the other will fold.

When neither of you do, you make another suggestion. "Alright. How about we just share your bed?"

Steve raises his eyebrows. "Uh, you- really? Are you sure?"

You shrug. "Yeah, I mean... we used to do it all the time as kids, right?"

It's true. You did. There were countless nights when you would pass out in bed together, having stayed up watching movies or spent the entire day in the pool.

"Okay," Steve agrees. "Let's do that then."

"Great," you say.

"Great," he replies.

Yeah... great.

11 PM

Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't freak out.

That's all Steve could repeat in his head. He's lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling while you're beside him. He forgot to factor in how the both of you have grown considerably since middle school, meaning there's less space between you now.

Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't fr-

"You know," you break the silence. "I forgot how weird your plaid wallpaper was."

Steve furrows his brow, his distress momentarily forgotten as he turns to look at you.

"It's not weird," he says defensively.

"It's pretty weird," you reply before looking at him. "But it's cool."

As your gaze meets his, he feels his nervousness rushing back. You look so soft and cozy in his bed, wearing his shirt. And you're smiling at him as if you knew the funniest joke in the world and you were about to tell it to him.

He lets a beat of silence pass before clearing his throat. "Did you have fun today?"

"Yeah, I did," you answer genuinely. "You?"

"Yeah," Steve replies. "It's nice having people around."

You nod in response, remembering how his parents would send him over to live with your family whenever they would go away. As much as he loved being able to spend time with you, you knew he hated being left behind.

"How long are your parents gone for this time?" you ask.

"Just until the end of the week," he tells you.

You nod again. "You've been faring up by yourself?"

He shrugs. "I don't mind it. They've been on my back a lot recently. Honestly, I needed the break."

"Right," you reply. "So not much has changed."

Steve lets out a humourless laugh. "Nope. It's been hell since I graduated last year."

You frown at his words. "I guess that's not surprising."

"Yeah, I don't know," he pauses for a second before continuing, his voice quieter. "Sometimes, I think they have a point."

You pause as well, trying to gauge what he's thinking. "You shouldn't let them get to you, Steve."

He sighs. "I know. But what if they're right, you know, about me?"

"They're not. I promise you," you reassure him.

Steve turns to look at you again, almost like he's searching for your sincerity.

You give him a smile. "You'll be alright, Steve. I know it."

Steve can't help but smile back. You sound so earnest that he's inclined to believe you. Besides, you're here with him right now. So, he must be doing something right.

You fall into a comfortable silence. There's barely any noise this late at night to disrupt it. After a few moments, you let out a yawn.

"Ugh, man. I'm so sleepy," you mumble.

"You should get some rest," he responds. "I still remember how grumpy you get in the morning."

You give him a deadpan look. "Gee, thanks."

Steve chuckles. "Just telling the truth."

Your feigned expression breaks as you laugh along, too. Steve cherishes every second of the moment before it fades away.

You yawn again. "Alright then. Goodnight, Steve."

"Goodnight, sweetheart," he replies.

The room falls silent again. Steve lets out a deep breath and closes his eyes. Despite the uncertainty, a smile still lingers on his lips. A million things could change tomorrow. But for now, at least, you're still by his side.

[widow-tarot]

PAC: Why Are They So Hot&Cold?

Do you want to support me? Reblog or tip me! - paypal.me/sadwidow

Groups: 1-2-3 4-5-6

Instruction: Think about your person while choosing a group. Do not use more than 1 group for one person. This is only for entertainment purposes.

If you don’t feel drawn to any group, this reading is not for you.

(Want to book a private reading? DM me or check the pinned post!)

Decks Used: The Mystic Dreamer Tarot, Island Time Wellness Love Oracle Cards.

PILE ONE

Cards: 3 of Cups, Judgement, 9 of Swords, 10 of Cups, Boat (Progression, Moving On, Closure Issues), The Runner rx (fear of intimacy, listening to ego), Not Today rx (not dealing, hurt, avoiding a conversation/person, boundaries).

There are too many people around to see how they behave around you. No matter if you're asking about a crush or a potential friend, they care a lot about what other people think, at least in your immediate surroundings (work/school). They don't want to be judged or they don't want their actions misunderstood by other people, maybe even you too but it connects to other people more. They're happy with how things are or at least they're... at peace with how things are. It's not like the connection between you guys is bad, it's just... like it's being kept at a distance. If you delve deeper, the connection might break and sour the work/school environment so they also are trying to avoid that. However, I do feel like they're working on fixing/changing that part of themselves. Can't promise anything will be different, it really depends on the person you're asking about. They're very much trapped in their own mind and perceptions. Very much blockage in the heart/throat chakra.

SONGS:

Door by Mitski (There is a door to me; I've never seen it; Sometimes I get closer to it; But I've never found it; A hopeless violence; I named it love)

my future by Billie Eilish (Can't you hear me?; I'm not comin' home; Do you understand?; I've changed my plans; But I know better; Than to drive you home; 'Cause you'd invite me in; And I'd be yours again)

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas by Phoebe Bridgers (Someday soon we all will be together; If the fates allow; Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow)

Unfinished by Noah Cyrus (Now I've got you on my mind; And I'm wonderin' tonight; If we could've been more; But we were left unfinished; I flew back to the life I knew; Left you asleep there in the hotel room; I told myself that it was for the best)

TAKE THIS HOME by DE'WAYNE, Good Charlotte (Take this crown away from me; I hold myself with no esteem; There's no joy in victory; All my heart feels is defeat)

first day of my life by gnash, Goody Grace (And so I thought I'd let you know; That these things take forever; I especially am slow; But I realize that I need you; And I wondered if I could come home)

PILE TWO

Cards: The Tower, The Chariot rx, High Priestess rx, 10 of Pentacles, The Phoenix (new phase, rekindle, growth), Love Call rx (message of love), The Runner rx (fear of intimacy, listening to ego).

At the moment I think they are going through something in their life or some major chaotic change is coming for them, hence The Tower. Honestly seems like they're in their own world, I think the hot and cold is not even on purpose, they don't even see it and if they do, they don't think it's a big deal or that it affects you. You're not at the center of their focus atm and maybe you're also a painful reminder of something as well (very specific for a selected few). They think very highly of you though. If you want them to approach you and explain their behavior, then you're gonna be gravely disappointed. They don't think they're doing something wrong or anything to hurt you so why would they feel the need to explain themselves? But they are changing, that's for sure.

SONGS:

There's Nothing Left For You by Mitski (There's nothin' left for you; Nothin' in this room; Try and go outside Nothin' waits for you; You had it once before; Not anymore; So go on to that sweetheart's door; And find a new you)

LUNCH by Billie Eilish (I could eat that girl for lunch; Yeah, she dances on my tongue; Tastes like she might be the one; And I could never get enough; I could buy her so much stuff; It's a craving, not a crush)

Christmas Song by Phoebe Bridgers (The desire for annihilation; Is as common as it is unkind; And it's hard to recognize the situation; When you're desperately trying to have a good time; You don't have to be alone to be lonesome; It's so easy to forget; The sadness comes crashing like a brick through the window)

Ready To Go by Noah Cyrus (I've lost all the words; Feels like my heart's been tied up; I wait 'til it hurts; I never can choose; I stay, we'll burn; 'Til you leave first)

Bleed Magic by I DONT KNOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (Don't want to scare you off'; Don't want to know your name; You'll never know a single thing about me; Until it's far too late)

SICK by gnash, CXLOE (Why you being so nice to me; I don't like the niceties; I wish I could make you see what I really need; I want you to make me sick; Love me out my mind)

PILE THREE

Cards: Queen of Cups, Wheel of Fortune rx, The World, 9 of Cups, The Grim Reaper (relationship is over, no second chances, grow and transform), Clock rx (need time, takes time, cycles), The Butterfly rx (relationship evolving, growth)

It's weird. It's like they enjoy spending time with you but at the same time, they know they have to cut it to a minimum because you either aren't good for them or they're trying to... leave? It's like smiling at you when you talk, having those fun convos about various topics, and laughing together but then the reality hits them and they withdraw. They think of you fondly though, but it's like they can't let themselves be swept into whatever this is with you so when the moment passes, they distance themselves again. But then, they have a good day again, they're positive again and they're starting the same thing with you. It's like they want to stay but they can't. You either aren't good for them or you can't be one that's good for them (someone else is already good for them). I assume you're asking when this person went cold again - this period will last a longer time for sure, but they have so much fondness for you at the same time.

SONGS:

Class of 2013 by Mitski (Mom, I'm tired; Can I sleep in your house tonight?; Mom, is it alright; If I stay for a year or two?)

Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish (When I'm away from you, I'm happier than ever; Wish I could explain it better; I wish it wasn't true; Don't say it isn't fair; You clearly weren't aware that you made me miserable)

Georgia by Phoebe Bridgers (Georgia, I love your son; And when he gets older, he might be the one; And he never lies or picks up his phone; And sometimes in the pouring rain; He'll fall in the mud and get back up again)

Again by Noah Cyrus, XXXTENTACION (You just made the worst mistake; And you'll regret it, darling; 'Cause once you give and then you take; You'll only end up wanting; You don't know what you got 'til it's gone, my dear; So tell me that you love me again)

WHAT LOVE? by I DONT KNOW HOW THEY FOUND ME (What love would get this vicious?; That's right, but never mind; This blood sometimes, holiness brings you; I think you've got a hold of me; But don't let go and I'll never set you free; You only come around when I got somebody new; You only sacrifice the things I never ask you to)

pajamas by gnash (Let's be immature and ignorant; 'Cause I don't feel like being sad; I wonder if the last generation was better; I wonder if the next one's going to hell; Am I the solution, am I the problem?; Let's stay in our pajamas; Let's not leave the house; It's been real bad lately; But I feel pretty good right now)

PILE FOUR

Cards: 4 of Pentacles rx, Knight of Swords, 4 of Cups rx, The Chariot rx, Heartbroken rx (deeply hurt, sad, feeling lost, breakup), Twin Flames (zen, balance, union, complementing each other), Healthy Choices rx (self-love, making good choices, being happier).

They know they're attached to you. It's an unhealthy mechanism they have, or maybe attaching themselves to you doesn't seem healthy. They're trying to distance themselves from you while not completely cutting you off because they can't. It's not that you are the problem here, but in their eyes, this type of dependency will ruin them, so they're trying to control it somehow. They want you in their life; they just need to digest the situation and make a plan. They're pretty stagnant right now, unable to find a way on how to move with this connection or change their codependency. For now, they're improvising.

SONGS:

Old Friend by Mitski (We nearly drowned for such a silly thing; Someone who loves me now better than you; I haven't told anyone, just like we promised; Have you?)

Lo Vas A Olvidar by Billie Eilish, ROSALIA (Tell me if you still miss me; Tell me if you still won't forgive me; Tell me if we still have something in common; Love can't be measured steadily; One day I'm a Goddess and the next day I can break)

Garden Song by Phoebe Bridgers (And when I grow up, I'm gonna look up; From my phone and see my life; I don't know how, but I'm taller; It must be something in the water; Everything's growing in our garden; You don't have to know that it's haunted)

Snow in LA by Noah Cyrus, PJ Harding (It's Christmas in California; Where the redwoods been burning for days; While the gold embers glow; The church bells are ringing on Sunset; But the preachers got nothing to say; If it turns out we all; Just weren't worth dying for)

Leave Me Alone by I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (You took the money; But the money couldn't buy a friend; Go fly a kite until you're tangled in the hanging tree; Aristocrat, tip your hat and break your mother's heart; And when the sun comes up; You'll find a brand new god)

I Wanna Feel Good by gnash, Chris James (I swear I try, I do the best that I can; To keep together when I know that I can't now; I've had it up to here with self-doubt and these second thoughts; I'm tired of pretending to be someone that I'm not)

O Little Town of Betlehem by Lily Williams (How still we see thee lie; Above thy deep and dreamless sleep; While mortals sleep, the angels keep; Their watch of wondering love)

PILE FIVE

Cards: Wheel of Fortune, Knight of Wands, Ace of Pentacles, 7 of Pentacles rx, Ace of Swords, Lightning (sudden change, surprise, epiphany), Passion (insane chemistry, having fun), Coffin (Endings bring new beginnings, growth, liberation), Ascending rx (transcending obstacles, expansion, new phase).

Short answer: because they're happy. It seems like everything is going alright at the moment, so they don't need you anymore. It's selfish and very opportunistic but at the same time they haven't decided yet what to do with this connection. Do you need this connection? Is it a connection worthy of your attention and effort? It seems like you're the only one keeping it alive. I don't want to say that they're a shallow person but it seems like they're very opportunistic, using good people and then leaving them behind. You had good foundations for this connection to grow but they don't really care about growing something with you.

SONGS:

Thursday Girl by Mitski (Somebody please tell me no; It shows me what I am; I'm not happy or sad, just up or down; And always bad)

my future by Billie Eilish (Can't you hear me?; I'm not comin' home; Do you understand?; But I know better than to drive you home; 'Cause you'd invite me in; And I'd be yours again;  I'm in love with my future; And you don't know her)

Walking On a String by Phoebe Bridgers, Matt Berninger (The things you said are hanging in the middle of my mind tonight; I knew that I was dead before you touched my lonesome skin; You're never running out of ways to warm your way back in)

Oh What a Dream We Had by Michal David, Richard Marx, Billion Streams For Charity, Braison Cyrus, Lauri Ylönen, Marcelito Pomoy, Kimbra, Billy Ray Cyrus, Noah Cyrus (We held each other closer and dreamed the worst was over; a never-ending prayer to let every life be sweet; no heartache anywhere; a time for us to heal)

Mad IQs by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (Come inside; Twist the knife; Like it's something to do; Don't you lose all your control; 'Cause you can't get into heaven; If you haven't got a soul; If you're sick or you're obscene; You can bend or you can break; But they'll replace you with machines)

feelings fade by gnash, RKCB (Don't know if I'll be fine without you; I hope I'll be alright without you; Everything's ending eventually; Best friends can become your enemies; Feelings fade when people change; I stayed the same; You played your games)

PILE SIX

Cards: 3 of Pentacles, Wheel of Fortune, King of Cups rx, Ace of Pentacles, The Phoenix (new phase, rekindle, change), Separation rx (sadness, missing you, unsure of future), Wedding Rings rx (union, wedding, eternal love).

You're still an important part of their life, but they want to move on to different stuff. They're not abandoning you, but they need to live their life too; you can't be there with them all the time. I don't know if there's any codependency or if you're really attached to this person, but I'm here to assure you that you're not being abandoned. I also think they start to feel trapped around you, like they're drowning. Give them some space. Let yourself enjoy your own presence or meet other people.

SONGS:

Cop Car by Mitski (We thought we had all night; There was no need to rush; That's when those cops came pulling up; I was too busy watching you going wild child; To be worried about going to jail; And you were so innocent, but you were stealing my heart; I fell in love in the back of a cop car)

when the party's over by Billie Eilish (Don't you know I'm no good for you?; I've learned to lose you, can't afford to; Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin'; But nothin' ever stops you leavin')

Killer by Phoebe Bridgers (Sometimes I think I'm a killer; I scared you in your house; I even scared myself by talking; Can the killer in me tame the fire in you?; Oh, is there nothing left to do for us?)

For Once In My Life by Noah Cyrus (I can go where life leads me; Somewhere I know I'll be strong; For once in my life; I won't let sorrow hurt me; This is mine, you can't take it; As long as I know I have love, I can make it)

Need You Here by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (There is no other place in this world that I'd rather be; If I can't be at home then I'll send my apologies; Can't you stay right here forever pretty please?; Where do you go when you're not home?)

leave by gnash (It's all my fault if it makes things better; Blame it all on the change in the weather; I'm not saying I know how to save this; I'm just saying we've been here before; I lost my patience, made an ultimatum; Wrote it down and gave it on a piece of paper)

[starlightanya0wsblog]

~Being stuck in the demon world with Vergil~

Note: Don't ask me why I'm writing this 'cause I don't know either😭✋️ still, hope it's Vergil's fans liking🙏💞 (it probably doesn't make any sense but whatever)

Great. I'm stuck in the demon world and what can be worse than this? Being stuck with Vergil. Why does the world hates me so bad?

He's not a man of many words like Dante told me; I wish I could get stuck with Dante, at least I could've had laughed at his stupid jokes as he would try to make me feel better.

But no; I'm stuck with the cold glazing staring man.

How lucky am I.

"Why are you following me human?"

"Because if I have to die I don't want to fucking die alone."

"Bold of you that I could get easily killed; this is basically my home."

She rolls her eyes, annoyed at his attitude.

"Whatever; I'm just following you to make sure at least there's a way to get out of this place."

"I don't need a deadweight; you humans are weak and pathetic."

"Uhh and when did I asked about your opinion? Yeah never."

He scoffs, annoyed at her attitude even though he's... pleasuring surprised about the fact that someone has the guts to talk to him like that.

"Humans usually should be scared of me."

"Yeah well; I'm more scared of dying in this dirty place than of you so..."

Vergil stopped for a second, as she continues to walk in front of him, he looks at her with a confused and curious look.

"What a weird woman..."

*******

Fortunately, they founded a cave to settle in, it wasn't the best thing to sleep in of course, but it was better than nothing at all.

"Finally! I'm so tired... my legs are killing me."

She said, laying on the ground.

"Humans. Always in need of recharging; so useless."

"Do you only speak when you're in need of judging? Because in that case I would prefer your silence."

Oh God. I shouldn't have said that. He'll kill me for sure. Dante revenge me if I die!

He simply scoffs, as he looks out of the cave in allert for danger.

"...You don't need to sleep?"

"I thought you didn't want to hear me talk?"

How arrogant. And to think I worried for him.

"Whatever; I'll just go to sleep."

******

"Wake up human."

"Mmm five minutes..."

He throwed something at her, waking her up and getting her extremely mad.

"OUCH! What the hell is wrong with you!? Why did you hit m-"

"Eat it."

He simply says; getting out of the cave, as she's left here confused.

"He... brought me breakfast?"

She took the fruit in her hand that before hitted her.

"...Was he all night out to search something to eat for me?"

She feels her heart flutter and her cheeks getting a little red at the thought that he got worried about her.

"...I... didn't thought he could be actually kind with someone... he seemed... quite handsome too..."

Maybe I should thank him...

*******

"You're done eating? Good. Let's go then; we still have to find a way to get out of here."

"Wait I..."

Why do I feel suddenly so embarrassed to just say a "thank you?"

"Thank you... for; you know; bringing me breakfast, you didn't have to do that after all."

"I just thought that it would be annoying to find you a good place for your grave if you died; so don't thank me."

She gasped, she couldn't believe what she just heard coming from his mouth.

How could he be such a... such a-! Ugh! I don't even a word for this! He's terrible! I take it back! He's not kind at all and neither handsome!

"And to think that I thought that you were kind for once!"

She starts walking angrily without caring about leaving him behind.

I despise him!

******

As they walked for hours, she couldn't help but be thirsty...

Wait is that...? A lake? A lake!

"A lake!"

Her eyes sparkled with joy seeing it

"I would not recommend it, human."

"Eh? Why?"

"Who knows what kind of creatures lurk beneath the water's surface? That lake is most likely not safe to drink from. The water might be tainted, or even poisonous. You should not drink from it."

"But I'm thirsty..."

She said; sitting down as she could almost feel tears getting out.

God I hate being so vulnerable in front of someone, and in front of HIM.

"You're acting like a child, human. Pouting and sulking just because I won't let you drink from a potentially dangerous lake."

"Well, I guess I'm just gonna die anyways..."

"Stop being so melodramatic, human. You may be hungry and thirsty, but you're not going to die anytime soon. At least, not on my watch."

"...Not... on your watch?"

What did he mean by it? And why is my heart beating like this again?

"Yes. While we're stuck in the demon world, your safety and well-being are my responsibility. I won't let anything happen to you, human. So don't go about complaining that you're going to die."

This man is so weird. Firstly he says that he doesn't care about me; and now he says those things... Vergil is such a mystery.

"I thought you hated humans?"

He scoffs, a hint of annoyance in his eyes. But there's also a touch of embarrassment, as you have a point.

"I do detest humans, that much is true. But that doesn't mean I want you to..."

He clears his throat, it was like he was trying to get the rights words, but he just let it go.

"Anyways; you should go get some rest human."

She simply nods, smiling at him.

"Good night Vergil."

He feels his cheek getting pinker as he hears your words and seeing your beautiful smile and turns around.

"Good night, human. Rest well. I'll keep guard outside. Just don't get too comfortable, alright? We're still in the demon world, after all."

You simply smile, as you head to go to sleep.

Maybe he's not so bad.

********

The next day, Vergil stands near the lake, observing the water with a careful eye. Deciding to test its safety, he hesitantly takes a sip, prepared for the worst.

To his surprise, the water tasted fresh and clean, not at all tainted or poisonous. In fact, it was quite refreshing, quenching his thirst with ease.

"Hm... the water is surprisingly drinkable. Who would've thought."

The human will be surely happy of this.

He thinks to himself as she emerged out of the cave, yawning.

"'Morning."

"Ah, you're up, human. Good morning.

You certainly look tired. But then again, you humans always look tired in the morning."

I guess that's his way to ask if I slept well...

"I... slept well. Were you... tasting the water?"

"Yes, I was. I was testing the safety of the water. It seemed safe enough, so you should be able to drink from it without any issues."

He pauses, crossing his arms

"Don't look surprised, human. Just because I'm a demon, it doesn't mean I don't have basic survival instincts."

She doesn't even care about his words that she hurries to drink.

"Thank God!"

He rolls his eyes, annoyed.

She should thank me instead.

He watches as you hurry to the edge of the lake and start drinking greedily. A mix of amusement and annoyance appear in his eyes.

"Hey, hey, easy. Don't gulp it all down at once. You'll make yourself sick, human."

"I really thought I was gonna die of thirst."

He rolls his eyes, his annoyance turning to mild irritation.

"You humans are so overdramatic. You wouldn't have died from a little thirst, you know. But I suppose you do require water to survive, so I can understand your relief."

He pauses, a hint of sarcasm in his voice

"Just try not to make a habit of getting yourself into life-threatening situations, alright? It's getting tiresome."

Suddenly, her stomach growled, making her all red in face from the embarrassment.

Dammnit not now!

He hears your stomach growling, and his expression turns slightly amused.

"Ah, so now you're hungry, hm? You humans are always so needy. But I suppose it's understandable. You require sustenance to function properly, after all. Stay here and don't get yourself in danger, I'll go get something."

"...Okay..."

She can't help but wonder about his attitude... there's something sweet and almost kind; he was mean and he was coarse and unrefined... and now he's dear and so unsure...

I wonder why I didn't see it there before?

*******

His eyes were scanning the surrounding area. The demon world is a desolate and hostile place, with few signs of life. But he has the keen senses of a demon.

"Hmph. I guess we're not completely out of luck. These fruits should be safe to eat."

He starts walking to go back to the cave, carrying a small basket of fruits in his hands.

When he arrives, he sees something that he didn't expect at all, he almost dropped the basket as he took in the scene; you were cleaning yourself in the lake; all naked, so exposed and vulnerable.

He stands at the entrance, his eyes widening in surprise as he takes in the sight of you... His eyes involuntarily run over your form, taking in the sight of your curves, your smooth skin, your... everything.

He quickly looks away, a hint of color in his cheeks, trying to compose himself.

"Ah-!"

She just noticed him now, covering herself embarrassed.

"W-When did you came back...?"

"I just got back a moment ago. I found some edible fruits over there. But it seems like you were, uh... distracted."

He pauses, his voice a hint strained.

"Y-You could've at least put on some clothes or something before bathing, human."

"W-Well I couldn't help it! My clothes stanked so bad that I had to wash them too..."

"And you couldn't have just rinsed your clothes while you were wearing them, like a normal person?"

He glances her way again, catching a brief glimpse of her body before quickly looking away.

Damnit... she's even more attractive then I thought...

"Stop peeking! And no I couldn't! I could've got sick!"

He huffs, trying to maintain his cool demeanor.

"I wasn't peeking! I just... happened to glance in your direction. And you wouldn't have gotten sick, you're just being overdramatic. But I suppose that's just how humans are, always worried about their health and hygiene and all that nonsense."

"Well I'm still a woman! I need some dencecy!"

He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms.

"Decency, huh? You humans are always so concerned with modesty and privacy. Demons don't worry about such trivial things. We have no qualms about nudity, showing skin or even intimacy."

He pauses, a hint of annoyance in his tone.

"But, very well, I'll respect your human sensibilities and try not to look. Just put some clothes on, will you?""

"I would but.. all my clothes are getting dry so..."

He sighs, his annoyance turning to mild irritation at your predicament.

"Of course, you had to wash your clothes, and now they're hanging up to dry. Which leaves you with... nothing to wear, I assume?"

"...Yes."

He groans, his expression turning exasperated. He can't believe he's got into a situation like this...

"Damnit. Of course, you'd be completely unprepared. Typical human."

He pauses, his eyes flickering down over your form again, despite himself. He's both annoyed and yet, secretly, a small part of him... enjoys the view...

He looks at you, noticing your shivering and the sound of your sneeze.

"Hmph. So now you're getting cold. Typical human weakness. You'll get sick at this rate."

He pauses, a hint of annoyance in his voice, but also a hint of concern. Despite his gruff exterior, he doesn't actually want you to fall ill.

"I can't do much about it unfortunately."

He sighs, his expression turning a bit complicated. Despite his initial annoyance, he can't help but feel a pang of pity at your shivering form. He can't just let you stay like this, shivering and vulnerable.

"Here."

He reaches into his coat, pulling out a dark, heavy coat, made of a durable, heavy material. He holds it out to you.

"Wear this. It's warm, at least."

"Uh? Are you sure?"

He huffs, crossing his arms.

"Don't get the wrong idea. I'm not giving it to you, I'm lending it to you. You're shivering, and if you get sick, you'll be even more useless than you already are. So, just wear it. Consider it a... temporary loan."

He pauses, his expression turning slightly softer.

"And make sure you take good care of it. It's a prized possession of mine."

She smiled genuinely at him as she got out of the lake, standing behind him.

"Thank you Vergil, I'll take care of it, I promise."

He can't help thinking about all your soft curves and smooth skin and your...

He gulps.

He shakes his head slightly, trying to clear his thoughts.

"Hmph. Just don't ruin it. It's an expensive coat, made from high-quality materials. I don't want it getting damaged or ruined..."

She simply noded as she put it on.

"It's... quite long..."

He watches as you slip the coat on, his eyes widening slightly at how the coat envelops your form. It's a bit too big for you, the sleeves and the hem falling past your wrists and ankles, but it looks oddly... good on you. The fact that you're wearing nothing underneath, the smooth fabric clinging to your curves, only hinting at the body underneath.

Damn it...

Vergil quickly looks away, his face feeling a bit hot.

"Are you getting sick? Your face is all red..."

He huffs, his face turning even more flushed at your comment.

"W-What? No! I'm perfectly fine, human. I don't get sick like you humans do. I'm... just a bit hot, that's all."

He pauses, trying to compose himself. But he can't help but sneak a few glances at you, his gaze tracing the outline of your curves beneath the coat..

"Okay well if you're so sure..."

She simply says, as she sits and starts eating the things he brought before.

He watches as you begin eating the fruits, his eyes following the movement of your lips and your hands, the way your body moves slightly beneath the coat, the curves of your form still visible through the fabric. His mind drifts, imagining what it would be like to run his hands over your smooth skin, to feel your soft body against his...

He shakes his head again, trying to push away the impure thoughts. Damn it, what is wrong with him?

"Are you sure you don't want any?"

He quickly turns his attention back to the conversation, shaking his head.

"No, I don't need to eat, human. My demonic nature doesn't require sustenance in the same way as yours. I'm fine."

"Okay then... thanks again for the food."

He huffs, shaking his head at your gratitude.

"Don't mention it, human. It's just some simple fruits. Hardly worth your thanks."

He pauses, his eyes still drinking in the sight of you in his coat, the way it swallows you up and envelops your body.. He can feel the heat rising to his cheeks again, his mind wandering to impure thoughts..

********

It's night now, and the two of you are back in the cave. The fire crackles softly in the center of the cave, casting a warm glow around the dim space.

Vergil sits on one side of the cave, his back against the wall, his eyes watching the fire dancing in the darkness.

He looks over at you as you hum a tune, his ears picking up on the soft sound of your voice. Despite his best efforts, he finds himself drawn to the sound, his gaze fixing upon your form, the firelight casting a soft, warm glow over your body, the coat still enveloping you..

He clears his throat, trying to maintain his composure.

"What are you humming, human?"

"Mh? Oh, it's a song that I use to listen when I'm at home."

He raises an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued

"A song, hm? Let me hear it."

He leans in closer, his eyes studying you intently.

"You... wanna hear me sing?"

He pauses for a moment, his expression stoic but his eyes betraying a hint of interest.

"I wouldn't have asked if so."

She smiles, as she clears her throat and starts singing.

"Some people long for a life that is simple and planned

Tied with a ribbon

Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land

To follow what's written

But I'd follow you to the great unknown

Off to a world we call our own

Hand in my hand and we promised to never let go

We're walking the tightrope

High in the sky

We can see the whole world down below

We're walking the tightrope

Never sure, never know how far we could fall

But it's all an adventure

That comes with a breathtaking view

Walking the tightrope

With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

With you

Mountains and valleys, and all that will come in between

Desert and ocean

You pulled me in and together we're lost in a dream

Always in motion

So I risk it all just to be with you

And I risk it all for this life we choose

Hand in my hand and you promised to never let go

We're walking the tightrope

High in the sky

We can see the whole world down below

We're walking the tightrope

Never sure, will you catch me if I should fall?

Well, it's all an adventure

That comes with a breathtaking view

Walking the tightrope

With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

With you

With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

With you, ooh-ooh-ooh

With you."

He listens closely as you begin to sing, his eyes locked on your lips as the words flow from them. The song is unfamiliar, but the sound of your voice is enchanting, a soft, alluring note that pulls at his senses.

As the lyrics reach his ears, he can't help but feel a stirring in his chest. The words carry a sense of longing, of following someone into the unknown...

"Hmph. A love song, is it? Typical human sentimentality."

She blushes slighty in embarrassment and pouts a little.

"Well I can't help it if I like love songs..."

He chuckles at your pouting, his eyes fixed on your expression.

"Hmph. Of course you do. Typical human, always falling for sentimental nonsense. Love songs, musicals.. what is it with you humans and your obsession with romance..?"

She was slighty surprised to see him smile and chuckle a little; she felt her cheeks getting a little pinker...

"Well... you're born because of the love between your parents, isn't it that true?"

He pauses at your comment, his expression turning serious for a moment, a hint of melancholy in his eyes.

"Hmph. Yes, I suppose that's true. But love is also a weakness, human. It's a vulnerability, a weakness that can be exploited and used against you."

He looks at you, studying your face, the firelight casting a soft glow over your features.

"Love can also be a strenght."

He huffs, his expression turning thoughtful.

"Hmph. I suppose that's one way to look at it. But love also means attachment. It means caring about someone so much that the thought of losing them is unbearable. And that kind of attachment can be a dangerous thing. It can distract you, make you make poor decisions. It can make you weak."

"So that's why you never got attached to anyone?"

He pauses for a moment, his eyes locking with yours, a hint of sadness in them.

"I've seen what love can do, human. I've seen the pain it can cause, the suffering it can bring. I've seen what happens when you care about someone so much that you're willing to do anything for them, even sacrifice everything you have. And I've seen what happens when you lose that person, the anguish and the emptiness that follows. I've seen it all, and I've chosen to stay away from that kind of pain."

He felt her silence; like she's thinking of the right words to say.

"Well... in my opinion... it's better to have loved, than never had did, at least, you would've felt something."

He scoffs, his expression turning almost bitter at your words.

"Hmph. That's easy for you to say. You're a human, you're weak and vulnerable. You need companionship, you need love and connection. I'm a demon, I don't need any of that. I don't need love or attachment or any of that sentimental nonsense."

"...I see."

She was silent for a second, then she spoke up again.

"Can I ask you something Vergil?"

"If you must."

"If you demons never get attached to someone, then how is possible that there are so many?"

He pauses for a moment, his expression turning more thoughtful.

"Hmph. You're referring to the fact that there are so many demons? Well, it's true that demons don't typically form emotional connections like humans do. But that doesn't mean we don't engage in... physical intimacy, shall we say. After all, physical desires are a part of our nature. We're creatures of lust and pleasure, more than anything else."

"Oh... so you give in to desires... I see...

There's also something I can't help wondering about."

He sighs, her and her curiosness...

"What is it?"

"Why you never call me by my name?"

"Hmph. Are you really offended because I don't call you by your name? You humans are so sensitive, always wanting to hear their name spoken out loud. To us demons, names are just a way to identify someone. They're just a label, nothing more."

"Mh; I see... well I got used by it now, thought it would be nice being called normally once..."

"Go gest some rest human; don't spend all your energies on speaking with me."

I guess I was hoping for too much.

"Yeah okay."

.....

"Hey Vergil?"

"What is it now?"

"Uhm can I... sleep next to you? It's kind of cold..."

He is taken aback by the question, his eyes widening slightly. He hadn't expected you to ask that, and yet... he finds himself strangely intrigued. He clears his throat, a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

"Hmph. You want to sleep.. next to me? You want to sleep... with me?"

"If you don't mind..."

He pauses, his expression turning serious. He can feel the heat rising to his cheeks, his heart beating a bit faster at the thought of you sleeping next to him. But he doesn't let it show, maintaining his stoic facade.

"Hmph. I don't mind. But don't expect me to cuddle with you. Demons don't do that."

"I-I wasn't going to ask that..."

"Hmph. Get over here then."

He motions a spot next to him, gesturing for you to come closer to him.

You can't help but smile a little, as you get next to him.

He can feel your body press against his as you lay next to him, the heat of your skin against his own. He can feel his heart beating faster, his body tensing up as you get comfortable against him. He tries to maintain his usual stoic expression, but he can't help but feel a bit flustered at the intimate position they're in.

"Hmph. You're... much warmer than I thought you'd be."

"I uh- thank you...?"

He huffs, a hint of embarrassment in his voice as he feels your warmth against his cold skin. He glances down at you, his eyes taking in your expression, the way you look so relaxed and content, laying against him like this.

"Hmph. You're welcome. Now get some rest, human. Demons don't need to sleep, so I'll keep watch over you."

She simply nods and smiles cutely at him.

"Nighty night."

You say as you fall asleep on him.

He can't help but admire you as you sleep, your body soft and warm against his chest, your breath warm and steady against his skin. He has to admit, it feels.. strangely nice, having you like this. Like a small, delicate creature in the arms of a powerful demon.

"Hmph. You look so damn vulnerable like this, human. So delicate and fragile. Like a small, innocent kitten."

******

Vergil had fallen asleep, something he rarely did. He must have been really tired, or maybe the feeling of holding you in his arms all night had been more comfortable then he'd expected... Either way, he was asleep, his eyes closed and his expression soft and relaxed.

Vergil's eyes opened abruptly, and he felt a sudden wave of worry wash over him as he realized you were gone.

"Human?! Where'd you go..."

He looks around, his eyes searching the area for any sign of you. His heart starts beating faster, a sense of worry and panic overtaking him.

He grabs his sword, his hand gripping the hilt tightly as he looks around, still searching for you. He can feel the panic building in him, the thought of you being in danger making his heart race.

"Human! Where the hell are you..?"

And then, there he saw you; you just entered the cave with a basket of fruits, smiling at him warmly.

"Ah good morning! I saw you sleeping so I didn't want to wake you up. I brought something to eat and I also cleaned your coat!"

He looks at you; relief washing over him seeing you safe and sound. He can feel the tension in his body ease as he sees you standing there, holding a bunch of fruit in your hands.

"You.. damn it, human. Don't scare me like that. When I woke up and you weren't there, I thought something had happened to you."

"Uh? You... were worried about me...?"

He huffs, looking away, his expression turning stoic.

"Don't get the wrong idea, human. I was merely... concerned. If something had happened to you, I would be... inconvenienced. That's all."

She smiles and without thinking about it, she hugged him.

"Thank you."

He's caught off guard by your sudden hug, his eyes widening in surprise. But after a moment, he wraps his arms around you, in an akward hug.

"Hmph. You're welcome, I suppose. Just don't make a habit of scaring me like that again."

She simply nods and smile at him.

"Now eat something, you need strength if we're going to continue on this journey."

He looks at the fruits you have, eyeing then with curiosity.

"Where did you get all these, anyway?"

"I walked for a while."

He looks at you, an eyebrow raised in mild disbelief.

"You... walked for a while? And you didn't meet any danger? You know what kind of creatures are out there, right? This forest is full of dangerous monsters, demons and other threats. You could've easily gotten yourself killed."

"Yeah well... I felt guilty thinking that you always did this for me so..."

He huffs, a hint of surprise in his eyes at your words. He can't believe you actually felt guilty about him doing things for you all the time.

"Hmph. You felt guilty about that? Why the hell would you feel guilty about something like that? I'm a demon, human. I can take care of myself. It's not your job to worry about me."

"Sorry I..."

He can see the disappointment in your expression as you say 'sorry', and it makes him feel a pang of guilt in his chest. Damnit, why does he care about your reaction so much..?

"Hmph. I just... you don't need to worry about me, human. Okay? I'm the one who's protecting you, not the other way around. Understood?"

"Okay."

********

Vergil was washing himself in the lake, the cool water running over his body, washing away the dirt and sweat from the journey. He had stripped off his top, revealing his muscular upper body, his toned abs and well defined pecs glistening in the sunlight...

God what am I doing? Why I'm walking to him?

"Uhm... do you mind if I... join you?"

She asks, with only a piece of clothing barely covering her, with her face clearly flustered.

Vergil looks up, his eyes widened by your request. He can feel a wave of heat wash over his body as he sees you, barely clothed, asking him if you can join him in the water. He tries to keep his composure, but he can't help but feel a sense of desire stirring inside him.

"Hmph. I... suppose I don't mind. Go ahead, if you want. But I'm not going to look away, human."

I feel like my heart is gonna explode to his words...

"I... don't mind if you watch me."

Again, what the hell am I saying!?

He feels his heart rate increase at your words, his eyes roaming over your body, taking in the sight of your curves barely covered by the piece of clothing you were still wearing.

"Hmph. I'll be watching, then. Don't be surprised if my eyes linger on certain... places."

She gulps without saying a word as she let that little of clothing of hers fall on the ground, while entering in the water.

He can feel his breath catch in his throat as you let the last bit of clothing fall, leaving you completely naked in front of him. His eyes roam over your body, taking in every curve, every inch of your flesh... and he feels a deep, primal desire stir within him.

"Hmph... You're... damn, human. You're beautiful."

*****

The rest of what happened... it was kind blurry.... we got ourselves lost in the moment full of passion, lust and... maybe something more. I still remember his touch; gentle but rough, his lips on my neck; my lips... his marks... his size...

The first and only time that Vergil called me by name.

"Y/n."

And to this day, I still smile at remembering all those moments we shared together.

"Hey mom; I'm home!"

"Welcome back, Nero."

I say; simply smiling.

[ollyissleepy]

𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞

pairings: jason todd x ftm!reader summary: where jason finds out something his partner burrowed deep inside. tags: coming out, mentions bad dating experience, transphobia, lowkey sappy but who cares, jason loves his partner no matter what cw: implied transphobia, body dysphoria, (name)'s previous relationship were shitty a/n: 'i'll post it on saturday!' my ass anyway I used (deadname) on purpose in this one, hoping to highlight that reader hasn't came out yet and that's it's the name Jason uses in his thoughts

It's a quiet night in Gotham, making it rather boring for the infamous Red Hood. He rests on top of a roof of one of the buildings, scanning the area below for any crimes. There's nobody on the streets, not even a thug causing trouble. Red Hood should be thankful for the much-needed break from fighting, the lingering sting of his healing wounds still present. However, he finds himself wishing for a fight, something that would allow him to take his mind off the current state of his relationship.

Lately things have been off between him and (deadname). There's some sort of coldness coming from his partner. He can't really think of a reason as to why she would be acting that way. Jason hasn't done anything that could've upset her, or at least he can't think of anything.

As he stares down onto the empty street, Red Hood can't help but think about his partner's recent reaction. The way she almost flinches away when he refers to her as his 'pretty girl'. Or how she stopped wearing most of her feminine clothing. And he couldn't forget the way she seemed repulsed by the idea of having sex with him. Has she lost interest in him? Is there someone else who caught (deadname)'s interest?

Jason decides that Gotham could survive one night without him and starts heading towards his partner's flat. He needed to get to the bottom of the problem before he started spiralling. The man uses the fire escape to get back down to ground level, jogging up to his motorcycle.

His partner's apartment isn't far, and, thanks to cutting some red lights, Jason manages to get there in record-worthy time. Hopping off his bike, he makes his way up the fire escape, a part of him hoping that his partner is asleep. Red Hood has no trouble finding the right window, as he regularly climbs through it after patrols.

Jason finds (deadname) in the living area of the flat, watching what looks like some sort of documentary. He sneaks behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. (Deadname) tenses up, caught off guard. She looks down at the arms around her, recognising the jacket surrounding them.

"Jason? What are you doing here?" (deadname) turns her head around. "I thought you were patrolling late tonight."

"Yeah, I was, but there's nothing going on." Jason lets go of her arms and joins her on the couch. "I'm sure Gotham can survive one night without me, pretty girl."

(Deadname) scowls slightly at the nickname, which doesn't go unnoticed by Jason. Neither does the way (deadname) moved away, avoiding eye contact with the man. Red Hood sighs, deciding to not beat around the bush and find out what is wrong with their relationship.

"Listen, (deadname)." Jason doesn't know how to approach the subject without looking like a total arsehole. "Is there… something you want to talk about?"

"There's nothing wrong," (deadname) said, avoiding eye contact. Jason knew she was lying from the way she hadn't met his eyes and the way she played with the hem of her shirt.

"(Deadname), I know that something is wrong." Jason reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it. "Just tell me what it is. I'm sure we can work through this."

"There's… something I haven't told you about," (deadname) confesses, her eyes looking everywhere but at her boyfriend.

Jason doesn't say anything, not wanting to pressure her. He moves his body slightly, his hand cupping hers. The man is trying to reassure (deadname), make her feel safe. His partner stays quiet for a while, still deciding if confessing that is worth it.

"I'm trans. Transgender, I mean." Jason's partner lets out a shaky breath, refusing to look at him, not wanting to see the look on his face. "I knew for a while too; sorry."

Jason doesn't say anything right away, trying to process what his partner just said. His mind already accepted that they might no longer love him, so learning that it wasn't the case required him time to allow it to sink in.

"It's ok if you no longer want to be with me—" his partner started speaking, but Jason stopped them from finishing.

"Quit with the bullshit." His voice came out sharper than he intended; he couldn't believe they thought of him that way. "You really think I'll break up with you because of that?"

"Well… that's how all of my previous relationships ended…" His partner finally looks up at him, their hand playing with his.

"Not my fault your type are arseholes," Jason snorts, hoping to lighten up the tension. "I mean, look at me."

His partner nods as they continue to play with his hand. It wasn't the outcome they were expecting. In the past there was no acceptance; there were no soft eyes when their exes were looking at them. And, most importantly, none of them tried to make them feel better. Jason leans in, cupping one of their cheeks, caressing it softly.

"My feeling towards you won't change," Jason confesses, bringing his lips close to theirs, inches away from touching. "I don't care if you're a girl or a boy. As long as I get to call you mine by the end of the day? It's more than enough for me."

[aliusfrater]

hiiiiiii

so I def yapped about this on my own blog but do you have any thoughts/hcs about that week between 1x01 and 1x02 that sam and dean apparently spent poking around stanford for clues about jessica's death? like it is very fascinating to me and it just leaves me with so many questions about them going back to sam's apartment, if any of sam's friends came around to see what/how he was doing, if sam and dean acknowledged or even realized sam was missing his interview, if sam told anyone where he was going or literally just dropped everything, sam (and dean's) emotional state at the time

also I don't think I've ever seen this explored in fics which is wild to me

anyway you don't have to answer all of these things but do you have Thoughts is my question

now that i think about it, i also have never come across any fics above that particular time period nor have i ever come across older supernatural posts that discuss it at length or anything, even from jessica fan blogs that tend to be huge enjoyers of sam's characteristics relating to his want to Get Out of the life. you're always in my inbox asking questions about reallyyy cool details and i love it thank you. i like to think that:

the week of sam and dean's personal investigations took place afterrr police investigations. it's probable to think that sam would've been interrogated about her death and asked to at least stay in town pending investigations, even more so after forensics and stuff revealed that the fire wasn't her cause of death but father the abdomen wound (depending on how much of her they'd be able to recover from the fire anyway). wouldn't put it past the police for them to consider sam a suspect beyond dean being his alibi. i think it's be like 2 weeks to about a month of that before sam and dean were in the clear and able to do their own investigations without suspicion or anything.

jessica's death and their apartment burning down made the local papers and the school he had his interview with reached out and postponed their interview with sam for quite a while. it wasn't until sam had applied for and gotten a leave of absence from stanford that the interview was postponed indefinitely.

one of sam's professors sent him a gift basket but dean ended eating and drinking most of the stuff in it.

he had to go back to the store where he'd shown interest in an engagement ring for jess and tell them he wasn't interested anymore and why.

similarly, when he and jess' parents had a sit down for jess' funeral, he mentioned wanting to propose to her when discussing the kind of jewelry she would've liked to buried in in passing, and jess' mom broke out in sobs so bad he had to leave and come back another time.

sam spent a lot of time researching the night gown she was wearing because she never dressed like that and he'd never seen it in her stuff before. he never really found an answer for that one.

sam was at the library for a whole day towards the end of the week because he hadn't had another dream about jessica's death since she'd died, which meant that his dreams had significance and he wanted to look into the probable why and what.

there weren't a ton of arrangements to be made with sam's help beyond the funeral. because of the fire, jessica didn't have any belongings that could've been put into a will and most of the stuff she was buried with were stuff from her childhood bedroom from her parents' house.

dean didn't really go to jessica's funeral. he was there but he insisted on staying out of the way. at the church, he sat in the back and at the burial grounds he sat in the impala waiting on sam. he said it'd feel weird being there but he also wanted to be there for sam. he joked about needing to be on the lookout just in case the thing that killed jessica showed up.

sam and his friends had a wake for jessica, organised by luis, which was basically just an excuse to be sad while hanging out and getting really drunk on cheap wine together. dean didn't go but one of sam's friends had to call him to pick sam up later in the night.

[regexkind]

Once I was caught unexpectedly in a downpour on the top of Mount Pilchuck. In the course of five minutes a bright, clear day that let me see all the way to the Olympic Peninsula turned into a phantasmagorical nightmare. I couldn't see more than a few feet in any direction, my skin was turning a sickly white, the rocks kept sliding out from under me. I almost twisted my ankle several times. If I had remained more than a few hours up there my chances of freezing to death up there would've been high, and my odds of successful navigation on my own seemed slim.

As I struggled, a great black bird appeared before me. I say "appeared" and that should be taken literally — one moment I was cleaning my glasses for the umpteenth time, trying to see through the driving rain, and the next, this incredibly solid and enormous raven is soaring up to me. I would've been scared, but I was already terrified.

The bird could easily have encircled me in its wings. In the almost total darkness, I could see nothing but its outline, outstretched, almost triumphant, fluttering and blowing about like a spruce in a pitch-black tempest, a black flag somehow darker than the fathomless sky.

My guide darted, flickered, and spun, cutting through the torrents of water as I stumbled and staggered endlessly downwards. I expected to risk falling or twisting my ankles, but somehow every time my foot fell on solid, stable ground. Little splinters and spikes of ice seemed to course up my calves, but the nauseating feeling of wrongness that I've felt every time I've twisted or sprained anything never came.

As though I had been hurled out of the forest, I crashed full-speed into the hood of my car with a dull thud. The heater core has long given out on this old jalopy, but I figured at least I could've dried myself off with the paper towels in the trunk, and huddled underneath the thin car-blankets I keep at all times.

However, before I could unlock the passenger door (driver-side lock doesn't work. I told you, jalopy), I found myself looking into a pale face framed by a wild cascade of dark hair. The rain coruscated on his cheeks and ran around his mouth and down his chin. Without the crude intermediary of speech, his intent unfurled in my mind—I must join with him and be part of his company of riders in some Other Land.

I opened my mouth to assent, but before I could make a sound, the curséd voice of pragmatism tumbled out: "I must set my affairs in order! I haven't been to a lawyer recently, my house will end up in probate! It will be hell for my loved ones! Give me a week to decide!"

A sneer curled that noble face. Before I could try to cram the words back down my throat, the strange rider had turned away, and in that motion, he became one with the darkness. The rain gathered itself up from the ground and leapt into the air. The sky brightened with a rapidity that made me stagger, and I was left shivering, soaked to the bone on a bright Summer day.

[habibisagi]

thinking about the guy that was so down bad for me who'd ask me to stream genshin impact to him whenever he saw me playing and then he'd in detail describe to me how he wants to eat me out under my desk 😭

[drysauce]

i mean it in the best way possible (to u) but wow from what u've been posting ur uni friends sound like fucking cunts. hope it gets better :/

haha well, yeah no i agree with you

the thing is it's not really uni friends. those just either don't reply or reply that they're busy when it's about something esle than school, they're clear with us that they have their own friend groups they value more and outside of the university setting we don't really keep in touch too much. i mean i tried befriending one girl but it eventually backfired at me so i decided it's not worth to spend my time and health on that

the thing that's happening lately is with people i have known before for ~5 years out of which one of them is my rommate. and only around january/february this year it started becoming clear what we stand on. that's probably why the whole thing is so frustrating to me now, especially that situationship with my roommate/best friend that we ended up in. it's such a complicated and multilayered situation at this point that it's just simply more tiring than upsetting

but in any case thanks for nice words, i hope it gets better too

[redrosydiaz]

.

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

If there is at least one thing I can credit FE for doing better than Tales in localization, it's not trying to actively go out of their way for an entire game to avoid subtext or direct text between two men that is romantic or implied romantic. Funny when it's so present that the attempt doesn't even work; infuriating that it was attempted to begin with.

So as much as I often have issues with some of FE's localizations, at least they have a leg up on loc Tales for that.

[gaydryad]

so for Writing Reasons I've been going back through all my old personal writing (including some very old social media posting) and the sheer force with which I wanted to dress up or roleplay "as a guy" from ages 12 to 15 is truly stunning. WHILE BEING AWARE OF TRANS AND NONBINARY PEOPLE. AS A OPTION. FULLY ZERO-BRAIN-CELL AWARENESS-ZERO ASS EGG

[psychopomp-namine]

had to go (near) bgc today......... I was so STRESSED just being there. I haven't been there in years but I get flashbacks to how bad commuting to and from bgc was like. and that stress is just gonna follow me every time I'm near that area

ofc no one here knows what I'm talking about except for maybe like a handful of people, but just know that if you're ever in metro manila, do NOT believe anyone who says it's nice to be in bgc. it is a soulless capitalistic haven without good public transportation. dude I'd rather commute to makati, or hell, mall of asia than bgc. bgc is a hellscape (if it's not apparent from the post, I live in north metro manila) (this is also funny bc like. it shouldn't be terrible to go to bgc bc it's quite near makati but makati is sooooo much more accessible. commuting to and from bgc and makati itself is also its own nightmare)

[nihilismtrcit]

SCHOOL YEAR OFFICIALLY OVERRRR 🎉🎉🎉

this was a long ass year but the last month and a half was really tough with my co-teacher leaving without much warning. still v much wish her The Worst✨ bc i am a bitch who holds grudges but honestly so glad her negative energy is gone. i’ll actually be getting not just a new teaching partner (who i met and she’s LOVELY and has a similar vibe as me) but also a whole new first grade team. and the three of us are all super chill! also our whole classroom’s getting redone and i’ll be stepping into the new role i requested working as special ed support in the room

excited for next year! but first, SUMMER

[celenawrites]

After half a month of waiting, they cancelled my order of "The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes". I'm sad af :(

[drysauce]

really mad at how my father asked me if i saw the reanimation action like it was some kind of a spectacle after a guy drowned at the beach today

[fazcinatingblog]

Oh Tumblr, I put my hand on the compactus thing that holds the files and it just fell apart so I had to engineer two of the shelve-y things back together (see, my brothers aren't the only engineers in the family, I did specialist maths too, I know things) and put all the files back and I was so scared of telling Sophia so I didn't and