#but like the fatigue recently is just soooo fucked

[halfdeadwallfly]

it's really fucked that i'm at the point where setting my alarm to get eight hours of sleep has me worried about being too tired to work the next day

[pixiesfz]

melbourne weather k.m x r

plot: you bring your girlfriend back down to your family for the holidays to enjoy a hot Christmas but the Melbourne weather seems to disappoint you.

warnings: fluff, shitty fucking Melbourne weather (I hate living here), Australian reader!, the format is kinda just like my Christmas day soooo (ik Katie didn't win poll but an anon messaged me and I love accepting my anons requests)

You stirred in your bed as you couldn't sleep Surprisingly the air was cold and you looked at your closed blinds with a squint to see if you could see if it was still dark outside or not.

Your girlfriend Katie however was knocked out like a light, you assumed it was because out of all the games she had she hardly came off recently, she was tired so you convinced your mother last night to open morning presents around 10 instead of 9 to let her sleep in.

It felt like a normal night in North London which you hated, usually on December 24th in Australia you would toss and turn in your bed because you were too hot under your blanket but too cold when you weren't under it.

You promised Katie a hot Australian Christmas.

But you did live in Melbourne where it didn't matter what season you were in, everyday would be different.

You sat up to check behind the blinds in curiosity but Katie must have noticed the weight change in the bed and grabbed out to you "Come back to sleep" she mumbled into her pillow "weather will change" she mumbled again as she remembered all the changes in weather during the world cup that Australia and New Zealand had hosted.

You nodded your head as fatigue came over you and lowered back down to which you snuggled into Katie who pulled you even closer "I love you" she whispered into your ear as you smiled "I love you too".

When 10 eventually came your father was quick to blast music to wake you, Katie and your siblings up.

When Mariah Careys 'all I want for Christmas' seemed to get louder and louder as your dad came up the stairs you grabbed a pillow nearby and grabbed it, ready to throw it at him but Katie laughed and pulled the pillow down "let's get up c'mon"

You all opened your presents downstairs as your mum took pictures left right and center but your thoughts were stuck to the windows outside as the clouds grew grey and there was no sun in sight.

You watched Katie open your last gift to her as she revealed a locket necklace, she smiled at you in amazement, it was the same colour as her claddagh ring so it would match "Open it" you encouraged.

When she did you smiled brighter, it was a picture of you two from when you first met and on the other side was her family.

"When you're on camp and you miss me and when you're in London and you miss your family" you explained and Katie brought you into a hug.

"I love it" she assured you and pecked your lips.

Then you all got ready for the rest of your family to come over as Katie set the table with your mum.

"You make her really happy," your mum told Katie who was concentrating on making sure the forks and knives were equally close to each other "She makes me very happy" Katie smiled at your mum before a comfortable silence followed.

"I don't want to intrude but I saw the ring" your mum admitted to Katie as she popped her head up "I was going to get permission from you guys first I promise-" "Katie" your mother assured her, "I think we gave our blessing when she first brought you home to meet us" she laughed and Katie felt her heart grow.

Your mum looked out the window "she's going to hate this weather, she wanted you to experience a hot Christmas day, all she talked about when she told me she was coming home for the holidays"

Katie looked down as she heard footsteps come down the stairs, it was you. You wore a long white linen dress your mother had bought for you and you wore your birken stock shoes that Katie liked to call 'Jesus shoes' but she looked at you in admiration.

"Katie you better start getting ready" you told her as you looked at the time "you look beautiful in white" your mum told you as she walked by and gave a wink to Katie who was still looking at you.

You walked down the stairs and grazed your hand over the locket she now wore. "I knew the colour would match you well" you smiled, proud of yourself.

But you frowned now that rain had started to fall "I'm sorry" you said as Katie furrowed her brows "For what baby?" she asked and you shook your head "I wanted you to experience the hot sun that Australia had to offer on a Christmas day but apparently it decided to give us shit weather" you pouted as you looked out "It doesn't matter" Katie said as you turned to her "of course it matters" you said

"We have many more years we can experience it," she said and you blushed "Many more?" you asked and Katie nodded "Of course, I don't plan on leaving do you?" she asked with a smirk "Never" you smirked back before you heard your dog barking as a car arrived "okay now you really have to get dressed" you stressed before pushing her up stairs to your childhood bedroom where you two were staying.

As more family members arrived and Katie got dressed into her own outfit you all laughed at memories being thrown around and you cringed when Katie shared a story of you accidentally cheering when the other team scored a goal so you got her back by counting how many yellow cards she had received in the past season.

The day past as your auntie and uncles and cousins bought you gifts such as plates and glasses for your home in London "not sure how we're going to get these on a plane but cheers guys I love you all" you smiled as they laughed but Katie whispered in your ear "seriously how are we going to get these over to London".

You had all changed into comfortable clothes as Katie nudged you "wanna go on a walk to see Christmas lights?" she asked and you looked outside "It's still raining" you complained and your father scoffed from the couch "toughen up y/n" (my dad would do this)

Katie pointed at your father agreeing with him before you nodded your head again "Okay let's go" you smiled before grabbing an umbrella and saying goodbye to your family.

On your walk you noticed Katie looking nervous so you grabbed her hand into yours "You okay?" you asked and she nodded. There wasn't many people looking at Christmas lights as many people were still out with families but there were 1 or 2 families nearby "Yeah I'm okay" she reassured you but it was clear you weren't convinced.

"Katie" you said as she turned to you "I wasn't lying when I said we have many years to experience this" she said seriously as you smiled "I know" you said with a smile but Katie was still serious "Katie what's going on?" you asked

Katie looked like she was fighting a battle in her head before she put her hand in her pocket, you tried not to think straight to a proposal as you had thought that many times in the past year so you closed your eyes in fear "Why are you closing your eyes?" Katie questioned as you kept them shut "Cause I'm scared" you admitted as you heard her laugh "open them love" she said and you slowly opened them to reveal Katie on one knee with a ring box opened in her hand that held a beautiful silver ring that the Christmas lights shined on.

A gasp slid of your tongue as your hands went to your face "don't act to shocked you knew it was gonna happen sooner or later" Katie smiled "I want to be with you for every holiday, no matter what weather y/n" she said as you lowered to your knees to be level with her.

"even shitty melbourne weather?" you asked

"especially in shitty melbourne weather" she smiled

[temporalreverie]

cw: eating disorder type discussion. It not an eating disorder but it's adjacent sounding enough

realizing it would be good for me to regain some lost pounds and i would generally be rlly happy to get fatter but also having a body that straight up rejects so much food and makes me suffer. like i would love to eat three good meals a day every day with a healthy amount of carbs and protein but my own body is so antagonistic towards me. idk holiday season is maybe an extra hard time bc it's just a bunch of food i can't rlly eat well right in front of me.

it's soooo silly but i rlly need gamer chips the fucking. nachos cheese doritos I've learned are actually like an extremely safe food that im like happy to eat regardless of mood & also have never given my stomach trouble. my gamer horse feed where is it.

recently thought more about my history of like, having bell peppers specifically in like school lunches as a child for years and the struggle of like, "oh fruit i kind of enjoy and should eat but i don't like it for some reason and it hurts my throat and then my stomach hurts afterwards too and ugh im going to get chastised for not eating it". i just want to hug her I was allergic i've been allergic the whole time. It's not my fault at all, I wasn't bad for that.

I can just go through ppls entire fridges and pantries and look through it and describe why I can't always eat each food. I'm slowly getting to the point of like drinking 1-2 bonus decaff coffees throughout the day bc it's a combo of like, thing I enjoy, doesnt upset my stomach, and can help fill me.

I don't have great memory or organization or impulse controls and so it's all just so hard to keep track of it all, and both food issues + chronic fatigue compound to make it hard to separate them from each other and notice real patterns.

i hate having a broken mystery digestive system i hate getting useless advice from doctors i hate hearing "oh you should take that seriously & figure that out" from ppl who've never had something similar like i haven't been trying, like it's easy or something.

[enbyonmandalore]

Good Soldiers

Crosshair x gender neutral reader (no y/n)

Rating: SFW

Word count: lots

Warnings: weapons, mention of war, mention of amputation

Summary: You are a disabled mechanic and when you meet the Bad Batch you seem to fit right in. Crosshair takes a particular liking to you.

A/N: Soooo this has been in my mind for a while. This is an entirely SFW, fluffy friendship oneshot because our man Crosshair deserves a fucking break. Enjoy!

Good Soldiers

With each step an annoying sharp pain shot up your right leg. It hadn't always been this bad - in fact, it had been pretty manageable until recently.

You had been walking with a cane since the day you were able to stand up on your two legs by yourself, so you were used to it. Usually the pain was barely even noticeable, but it was nice to have a "third leg" to lean on when you had to.

Chronic pain and the resulting fatigue sure weren't any fun.

Working for the Republic made your life interesting and being a mechanic was a job that didn't require you to walk too far anyways. Besides, the accommodations were nice and the pay was outstanding.

Your preferred field of work was repairing and upgrading the Grand Army's tanks. There was just something utterly fascinating about tanks. But a while ago you got called to a rather special kind of job.

The Republic sent you and your team to Kamino, where the cloning facilities were located, and your job was to fix a modified Omicron-class attack shuttle called Havoc Marauder. Modified ships were always a tricky job, but your team would surely be able to handle it. These were the kinds of people that designed new artillery for fun, after all.

So you landed on Kamino and the shuttle was already there. It couldn't have been there long, though, because the crew was just getting off.

After inspecting the Havoc Marauder and getting all set up, a Kaminoan lady showed your team their temporary bunks. You chose to stay behind and take a closer look at the modified shuttle. It was quite an interesting model, not many of those had crossed your path in your years of engineering.

Leaning on your cane for stability you looked at busted valves showing under the exterior hull. Likely damaged by heavy enemy artillery.

You crouched down and crawled underneath the ship to take another look at the landing gear.

Just a moment later, you heard footsteps approaching and a pair of black armored boots came into your field of vision.

"Who is there?", a nasal voice asked.

"I'm the head mechanic and you are?", you answered from under the ship.

"CT-9904.", the clone responded.

"You got a name, sir?", you inquired without even looking.

"The name's Crosshair.", the clone finally answered. His voice was calm, but had a snarky undertone. "I heard you are the leading expert on modifications in weaponry. I hope you know what you're doing with this ship.", he continued and it sounded as if he was testing you, but you tried to pay it no mind.

"I am and I do.", you confirmed.

Scooting out from under the ship you shot him a look, then wiped your hands on your overalls out of habit and grabbed your cane to stand up.

Crosshair eyeballed you from top to bottom. His gaze stuck to your cane a little longer than necessary.

So you eyed him up as well. He was tall and lanky, the dark armor making him look skinnier than the other clones you knew. Strangely enough, his hair was white, his eyes the same dark brown as his brothers', but his gaze seemed to pierce your soul.

"What do you want, Crosshair?", you asked him. You surprised yourself when you said his name with a bit more attitude than intended.

"I forgot something on board.", he said and squinted at you. His response irritated you. "Then go ahead and get it."

You began to walk away and felt the clone's eyes burn into the back of your skull.

Over the next two days, you could feel Crosshair's unusually intense stare on you almost all the time, but wherever you looked you couldn't seem to find him. It annoyed you, or at least you thought that what you felt was annoyance.

On the last evening of your stay, you were once again checking up on the ship in the hangar after hours. All of your team's tools and belongings had already been loaded into crates and ready to be picked up the next morning.

Repairing the Havoc Marauder had been quite the quest, as it had been illegally modified before; most likely by the crew themselves.

After checking everything, you sat down on one of the crates for a short break. Your leg was acting up a bit, since you'd been under pressure for the last few days and had to walk more than usual.

You heard something drop to the ground behind you and flinched. Looking over your shoulder, you saw Crosshair slowly approach you with a box in his hands and exhaled with relief.

"Don't scare me like that!", you grumbled and furrowed your brows. He didn't seem to care.

"Nice work on the ship.", he complimented you.

"Thanks. Told you we could handle it.", you responded and shifted your right knee into a more comfortable position. "So you were watching...", you muttered to yourself.

"What's with your leg?", Crosshair asked bluntly. You brushed it off. No need to tell this strange clone about your entire life.

"Oh, that... Chronic pain."

For a moment neither of you spoke, but you grew curious.

"What's with the box?", you asked the clone, gesturing towards it with your cane.

"I have a request.", Crosshair stated and opened the box to reveal a sniper rifle and your eyes widened.

"Is that...a 773 Firepuncher?", you asked in complete awe.

"Yes. And I want you to modify it."

.

The moment Crosshair trusted you with his holy grail, his rifle, a bond between you two was formed.

As per his request you modified it and delivered it back to Kamino yourself.

The Bad Batch and you grew closer, but nothing was like the bond Crosshair and you shared. You had a great time talking about weaponry and different strategies with him and you felt like he was the first friend you made in a while that didn't try to pity you at some point because you were disabled.

All of the Bad Batch members were different from their brothers, they all had mutations and enhancements, so your friendship felt so natural.

.

The war continued and maintaining contact became difficult.

The separatists were becoming desperate in their actions and more brutal in their methods of warfare. Eventually, you had to say goodbye to your friends as they were going on a risky mission the next day.

Hunter couldn't tell you when they would be back, but you reassured them all that you'd be on Coruscant, waiting for them. As Tech, Wrecker, Hunter and Echo boarded the Havoc Marauder, Crosshair stayed behind. For a moment you looked at your friend in his imposing armor, helmet wedged under his right arm.

"Hey", he said and grasped your hand.

"Hey?", you echoed him and raised an eyebrow.

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself.", Crosshair said with a stern look on his face.

"I'll take care of myself when the war is over...or when my leg decides to stop being like that.", you replied with a hint of sarcasm.

"Sure.", he said and rolled his eyes.

Finally, Crosshair stepped closer and pulled you into a one-armed embrace.

"Don't worry. We'll come back. We always do."

.

Months passed and there was no news of the Bad Batch.

The day he came back, Crosshair immediately noticed something different about you. At first he couldn't pinpoint it, but he noticed that your weight was evenly distributed between both of your legs now. Your cane was still leaning against the wall beside you, as you wiped grease off of your hands with a rag.

"Hello", he greeted you in his usual, too-calm tone and your eyes lit up as you registered his voice.

"Crosshair! You're back!", you exclaimed and dropped the greasy rag. Then you cautiously took a look around, only to see the last two mechanics that had been on shift with you leaving the hall. A grin spread across your face and you opened your arms to hug him.

"You miss me? How touching.", he mumbled into the embrace and the ghost of a smile tugged on the corner of his mouth. You rolled your eyes in response.

"How's the leg doing?", Crosshair asked and gestured towards your right leg with one of his toothpicks before sticking said toothpick in his mouth.

A beam of happiness crossed your face, delighted that he'd noticed. Of course he had - but still.

You cleared your throat before answering him. "Better than ever! The pain is almost completely gone, but-"

"But...?", he interrupted you.

"So is the leg.", you finished your sentence with an awkward shrug.

He watched as you sat down on an empty ammo crate and rolled up the leg of your overalls. Underneath was a sleek metal prosthetic.

Crosshair set his helmet and rifle aside and knelt down to take a closer look at the prosthetic. His fingers gently caressed the blank metal from the kneecap to the ankle. When he looked back up at you, you smiled.

"When?", was all he asked.

"About one and a half months ago. I got back to work three weeks ago.", you replied truthfully. "It was the best decision I ever made."

"I was gone for so long.", Crosshair whispered and let his head hang.

You stood up and put your hands on his shoulders. He was tall, but you could reach his shoulders comfortably. You looked into each other's eyes - your bright ones with the dark circles underneath meeting the clone's dark, tired eyes for a moment way longer than it probably should have been.

"Yes, you've been gone way too long for my liking. But you know how it is, Cross... Good soldiers follow orders."

____________________________________________________________

This fanfiction is property of @enbyonmandalore (Tumblr). I do not own any of the characters associated with the Star Wars franchise. Do not repost/crosspost on other accounts or websites, edit, translate or otherwise change this piece of writing.

[imagine-that-one-thing]

Her Majesty || 11

Crowns and Robes.

Anastasia’s pov 

At some point along the long drive, I dozed off to the sound of Harry softly humming to the radio while attempting to get a hold of someone on his phone. I’m not sure who he was calling, I remember him asking me if I was okay, and as far as I know, I hummed a response. 

I am fine; I am not going to fall off the deep end and swiftly become deranged. I don’t understand the circumstances that have happened in the last few months, I never imagined that this is what being Royal would be like. My parents didn’t prepare me for any of this, I don’t think anyone could have equipped me for these trials of royalty. 

I am incredibly fatigued, sleeping without Harry and not knowing where he has been stressing me out, along with being unsure of my father and his mayhem. Now, I have Victoria’s corpse imprinted in my memory every time I close my eyes. I don’t want to shut my eyes and envision everything, but I am so exhausted that I have no choice. I closed my eyes just for a moment while Harry drove and I was in and out of sleep the rest of the ride. 

I briefly remember Harry waking me up and whispering in my ear that he couldn’t carry me, I had no real clue where we were, but all I remember is falling back asleep as soon as I had a soft place to fall. 

I breathe in the scent of clean sheets and I pull the covers further up my body while I open my eyes in an attempt to grasp my bearings. “Harry?” His name falls sleepily from my lips while I sit up, the room still blacked out from the curtains. 

“Go back to sleep,” Harry mumbles, tugging at the covers, “At my Mum’s, you’re fine,” Harry assures me, getting comfortable in the bed. 

I don’t think he understands that just because he claims that we are safe, it doesn’t mean I’m going to believe it at this point. 

I tilt my head to the side and watch the slight ray of sunshine slowly peek its way through the curtains while I think about the last few hours that have transpired. 

I can’t help but continue to remember walking away from Harry. I should have listened to him and stayed with him and Matthew, maybe then I wouldn’t have had to discover Victoria.

I remember I was walking along the stones, following the path when I was momentarily sidetracked by this scent that made me sick to my stomach, I thought nothing of it. I figured it was just a rodent or some sort of explanation that wasn’t a dead body. I fell over her body, quite literally, and the thought of remembering the incident causes my stomach to stir. 

With every day that passes, I become more and more aware of the fact that my father is immoral. I’m not sure what he has managed to get into, but whatever it is, it’s not good. Ultimately, I’m paying the consequences of his actions and decisions. I can’t blame him for everything, with us being royal, we are always at risk, but recently, it seems like we are at a higher risk, thanks to him. 

I benevolently shake Harry, being cautious not to touch his painful shoulder, Harry mumbles something inaudible against his pillow before lifting his head, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Harry sleepily asks, leisurely sitting himself up, his right hand beginning to reach to his side table. 

“You don’t need the gun,” I inform him, noticing what he is reaching for. I think it is a force of habit for him, he never really knows why I could be waking him, with all the dangerous events and evacuations, I don’t blame him for stretching for it while half asleep, unaware as to why I am waking him. 

Harry hums, “Then why the fuck am I awake?” He grumbles, not too pleased. 

“Do, do you think my Dad is losing it?” 

“What?” Harry asks, seeming a little confused. 

“Do you think he is losing the plot? Going senile? Literally going mentally insane?” It could make sense for him to be losing his mind.  

Senility can produce changes in mental health, such as memory loss or a decline in judgment. His judgment certainly hasn’t been the best when it comes to things, he put me in jeopardy when we went to Greece, he put us all in danger, he is angry all of the time and has acted out, firing a lot of the staff— He isn’t the Father I remember, he has been on a steady decline ever since he started to talk about handing me the crown, once he told the whole of Britain that he was hoping to hand things down to me by the end of the year, everything steadily got worse. personality or behaviour changes are another symptom but the only issue is that he is too young to be going senile, he is only fifty, surely he isn’t old enough to be going senile. Maybe he is clinically insane? Maybe I am clinically insane at this point, I feel like I am going insane. 

Harry blankly stares at me for a few moments, silence crowding the room. 

Harry shakes his head and lies back down, “Goodnight, Anastasia.” 

“Harry—”

“Go to sleep,” Harry mumbles, drawing the covers back up his body and becoming comfortable between the sheets. 

I heavily sigh and move my body closer to his, trying to get as close as possible without bothering him hurting him. Harry doesn’t speak, instead, he opens his arm and enables me to move closer, allowing him to settle his arm around me while I relax on his good shoulder. 

I listen to the melodious breaths of Harry while he falls asleep. I gaze up at the ceiling, trying to think of a logical solution for everything that has been occurring. 

Perhaps my Father is going senile. Perhaps my Father just has a lot of enemies. 

Perhaps the monarch is turning against my Father. 

Perhaps all of this is happening without logical explanations. 

Perhaps I need to find a way to pass the crown to someone else.

♔♔♔ ♔♔♔

Through the night, I was in and out of sleep, so was Harry, I could feel him shuffling around in the bed, trying to get comfortable and groaning every so often. Sleeping doesn’t come to me easily now, last night I was concerned about my father, I do not know where exactly he is or if he is okay. I genuinely think he is starting to lose his mind, it would explain his shift in behaviours. One minute he’s trying to marry me off and the next minute he’s angry at the world.  

I shift the covers around my body and groan, a desire to stay in bed overcoming me sharply as I gradually wake up to the sound of an unfamiliar voice down the hallway, “I heard there’s a princess, I want to meet her.” 

“Gemma, shh,” Harry hushes her, “She’s asleep, go away. You’re not following me in here,” Harry continues, doing his best to whisper but failing. 

I chuckle to myself as the door opens, “Damnit, Gemma, piss off,” Harry again mutters, pushing her arm away from the doorframe and closing the door behind him. 

Harry glances over at me and smiles, “I’m sorry, she’s uh— she wants to meet you.” 

“She wants to meet a princess.” I correct him. 

“Mhm,” Harry hums, “She doesn’t mean that in a bad way; she means no disrespect.” 

I sit up in the bed and shrug my shoulders, “Is ‘she’ your sister or?” I ask, unsure of who is summoning me and wanting to meet me. I know Harry has a sister, I have never met her so I can only assume the woman eager to meet me in the hallways’ is no other than his sister. 

Harry nods his head, “Yes, my sister who seems to have a problem with boundaries.” 

“Well,” I chuckle, pulling the covers towards my shoulders, “She sounds lovely.” 

“She’s a pest,” Harry responds, “But, she did bring some clothes for you,” Harry places a pair of leggings and a long sweater on the bed, “Mum bought some clothes while we were asleep for you to go through, probably warmer than this,” Harry holds up the white sweater. 

“I am sure it is fine,” I assure him, appreciative that his mother and sister were both kind enough to take into consideration that I have no clothes besides what I left London in. 

When I was woken up by Harry, I had no clue that we would be evacuating and I would have nothing besides the clothes on my back and my phone. 

“It’s a bit crisp this morning.”

“Says the person who isn’t wearing a shirt,” I point out. 

“Do you know how painful it is to put a shirt on without help? It was easier to just throw on the bloody sling and sweatpants. Should let my mother shop for me more, these are comfortable,” Harry gestures towards his pants, causing me to raise a brow. 

I can’t deny the fact that if it wasn’t for his damn shoulder, I’d gradually make my way closer to him, and allow my hands to flow across his shoulders before travelling themselves down his chest, where my thoughts would become entangled with only one—him.

My hands would examine the texture of his body, moderately working their way past his abs, and then my fingers would sweep across his V-line in a teasing matter where his sweatpants would fall to his ankles. 

I cock my head to the side, admiring the way his hair has been brushed but still appears rumpled, he has his sun-kissed tan from the summer and his few tattoos seem to catch my attention this morning. 

He has the body of a faultlessly chiselled sculpture and it’s destroying me in all ways. 

“Do I even want to ask what you’re thinking about?” Harry distracts me from my stare. 

I bite my lip and gaze up at him, trying my best to conceal my smirk. 

Harry clears his throat and begins to step around to my side, “You have that look.” 

“What look?” I innocently inquire. 

Harry leans down and kisses my lips sweetly, “The look where you want to make love,” Harry whispers, drawing away from my lips and enticing me further. 

“Why must you always say ‘make love’?” 

“Because fucking the princess just isn’t as romantic.” Harry outright responds, “Not very respectful.” 

“Whatever,” I roll my eyes, “Soooo…” I trail off with a grin. 

Harry sighs and shakes his head, “I can’t, Anna.” 

“How many times will you deny me until you give in? Talk about playing hard to get,” I huff, crossing my arms over my chest. 

I have lost count how many times I have been denied.

“I hate to break it to you, but you do realise I fucked my shoulder and can barely move it after carrying you last night?” 

“I had a better chance of getting anything out of you while you were on morphine.” I laugh, playfully teasing him.

Harry chuckles, “Probably,” he nods, “Believe me, I wish I still had my morphine.” 

“Mhm, change the subject, sounds about right.” 

“Spoilt.” Harry laughs, delighted by the fact I’m still sexually frustrated. 

I raise a brow at him, “Spoilt? Me? How? You haven’t touched me in quite some time.” 

“Anna… baby…” Harry sighs, “How about tonight?” 

“Last time I heard that, you ended up hurt and I was shoved in a bloody pantry thing, hiding from people who wanted to kill me, soooo.” I trail off, reminding him of the last time those words left his strawberry-red lips.

“I promise, tonight.” 

“I’ll be pissed if I’m shoved in a pantry.”

Harry smiles, “Nothing bad will happen, you won’t be shoved into pantries and your life won’t be on the line.” 

I grin at Harry and nod my head, agreeing that tonight will work, as long as nothing negative happens by then. 

“Mhm,” I hum, “Whatever you say,” I respond just as the door to the bedroom opens. 

Harry glances over his shoulder towards the door where his sister, I assume, stands, leaning on the doorframe with an angelic smile while locks of chestnut-brown hair curtain her face.

“Do I need to cutesy?” Gemma questions under her breath, staring at me half a smile painted across her lips. 

“Yes,” Harry responds with a smirk, watching his sister do her very best at curtsying to me. 

I raise a brow towards Harry before I shake my head, “No, I’m just Anastasia, I’m not a princess while I’m here,” I smile at her, not wanting anyone to treat me and different than what they would a normal civilian. I don’t expect them to curtsy to me or refer to me as ‘Princess,’ I expect nothing besides kindness, and that is what I have been shown so far. “He is just being a jerk,” I assure his sister. 

His sister nods her head, “It’s what he does best. I’m Gemma, his sister.” 

“Yes, this is my sister, who is very kindly interrupting,” Harry interjects as he pulls his phone from his pocket, “You at least could have knocked.” 

Gemma shrugs her shoulders and walks past Harry, not caring about his comments, “If you need any clothes, just let me know. I don’t know what Mum picked out but if you need anything, just ask.” 

“I need you to leave,” Harry smiles, and again, Gemma ignores him, entirely brushing him off and sorting through the clothes Harry placed on the bed from their mother. 

“Thank you, Gemma,” I appreciate her being kind. She doesn’t have to be nice to me and offer me her clothes, quite honestly, she doesn’t have to do anything for me, this is the first time she has met me. She has every reason to be standoffish with me. “I’m going to make coffee,” I push the covers of the sheets off my body, “Give you two time to catch up,” I wink towards Harry, well aware that he doesn’t get to see his family too often, I think it is best to give them some time, even if it is just a few minutes while I make coffee. 

♔♔♔

I walk down the hallway with two cups of coffee in my hands, making my way towards Harry’s childhood bedroom. The last time I tried to make our coffee, it did not go nearly as smoothly as it did this time. Not that it is a very big achievement, but I smile to myself, quite pleased with how my coffee turned out, even if it is a simple task. Making coffee in the palace is not something that I do, I never get the chance to— it is all done for me. I know how privileged and spoilt it makes me sound, but in all fairness, I would change things if I could. I want to be able to do mundane things such as making coffee and washing linens. 

“So, can you tell me what happened and why you’re up here?” Harry’s sister challenges him just as I stop outside the door.

“I could, but then I’d have to kill you.” 

“It can’t be that serious,” she scoffs. 

“Drop it,” Harry warns sternly, in a way I’d never expect him to act towards his sister. 

“You’re such a hardass, don’t forget you used to chase butterflies in the garden as a kid.” 

“I don’t pry about your job, don’t pry about mine.” 

“That’s because you’re an ass and never ask me about my job… not that it’s very interesting compared to yours.” 

“You think keeping your wife alive is interesting?” Harry snaps unhappily.

“Well, she isn’t your wife yet, but yes. Seems like the palace life is interesting… Speaking of which, Harry, are you sure you want this?” Gemma asks, causing my heart to sink in my chest. She doesn’t sound like she approves of our relationship. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Are you sure you want to marry into the royal family? It’s a big fucking deal… Putting aside all the shit I don’t know and the danger you’re currently in, do you realise how much work being a royal is? Your life will never be the same again.” 

“There’s a reason we are keeping it quiet. I love her, I want to be with her, I don’t care about the royal family and the monarchy narrative, I care about her.” 

“You have to care about the monarch because you’ll be a part of it, Harry. She won’t choose you over the crown, she can't hand it off to someone else. You won’t be normal.” Gemma explains the things that I have already tried to explain to Harry before. He is aware things aren’t normal. 

“I don’t want her to choose me over the crown, I’ve accepted she has major responsibilities, I know what I’m getting into, Gemma. I don’t need you to tell me what I’m getting into, I see it every day, you just read about it in history books and on social media.” 

“I’m making sure you understand that this isn’t going to be easy. You won’t work, you will do royal duties, is that what you want? You should be working towards being the president of operations, not suddenly becoming royalty.” 

“I’m aware. I’m a big boy, I can make my own decisions. I can still work security, I don’t want Matthew’s job right now. I’m marrying her, if you don’t like it then that’s just too bad. I’m not here for your approval, quite frankly I’m not here at all for you.” 

“There you go being an arse.”

“You bring out the asshole in me when you act like I’m not capable of making decisions. I’m your little brother, I get it, but I thought you of all people would be more accepting. I expected mum to be the one to convince me not to marry her, instead, mum's the one who encouraged me to propose. I had my doubts, I know I’m not good enough for her, she deserves Prince Charming and I’m just some guy from the country-side who became her security… but damnit I try every day to be the man she needs, so do me a favour and at least pretend to like her until we leave.” 

“I do like her, Harry.” 

“Then this conversation doesn’t need to go any further,” Harry dismisses her and I let out a breath. 

I should have walked away when I heard them talking, I shouldn’t have listened in to the conversation because now I don’t know how I feel about everything.

If his sister doesn’t have faith in us then who the fuck will? 

“I have coffee,” I announce, pretending like I didn’t hear them as I step into the bedroom and hand Harry his coffee. 

Harry kisses my cheek and takes the cup from my hand, wasting no time with taking a sip, “Much better than last time,” Harry grins. 

“I’ll leave you two to settle in, I have some sewing to do,” Gemma excuses herself politely, standing up from her position on the bed and walking out without saying anything further. 

I look towards Harry, wanting to question things but there is a time and a place, right now isn’t the right time. I can’t start something at this hour of the morning, I don’t want to start our day on a shitty note. 

♔♔♔ ♔♔♔

Harry grins at me while he launches a blanket towards me and makes his way towards the open fireplace that has been roaring since sunset. He pokes the logs a little before adding the last log to the fire, ambers crackling and disbursing in their brilliant colours of red and apricot. 

He comes closer to me and kisses my cheek before falling beside me and getting comfortable, his hand making sure to move the blanket so I’m covered and warm. “Have you found a dress you like, love?” 

I shake my head and hand him my tea, “No, it’s hard when I need to try them on,” I answer. 

Just because it seems good online it doesn’t mean it’ll look good in person, wedding dress shopping without a boutique is harder than one would think. “Starting to wonder if we should just get married at the courthouse.” 

Harry shakes his head immediately, “No, you deserve the dress of your dreams at the very least.” 

“Harry, I don’t need it… I just want to get married. We can go to the courthouse.” 

“Anna—“ 

“Jus’ think about it? Your Mum understands where I’m coming from.” 

“My mother agreed with you?” Harry raises a brow. 

“Can you just think about it?” 

“You want me to just take you to the courthouse?” 

“I don’t see why not.” 

“You’d be happy to go to the courthouse right now and get married? No dress, no family, nothing?” Harry questions. 

“Yes.” 

Harry nods his head and sighs before standing to his feet, “I’m going to bed.” 

“Are you mad?” I question, watching as he begins to walk away, “Harry?” 

He turns and peers over at me, “No, are you coming to bed?” Harry questions while walking down the hallway, leaving me by myself in the living room.

I wander into his bedroom and close the door, “Are you seriously upset with me? You can’t just walk away from a conversation because you don’t—“ I begin to express my frustration with him walking away from me and the conversation about our wedding, but I’m swiftly cut off by his lips hitting mine and his body pushing me against the wall. 

He drags his mouth from my own and leaves sweet kisses down my jawline, moving to my neck, “Not mad,” he mumbles against my warm skin, causing my heart to skip a beat. 

His hand slips under my shirt and we begin to dance our way to the bed before he pushes me to fall to the bed.

Before anything more, Harry’s phone begins to ring, causing him to drag his mouth from my own, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Harry huffs, reaching over and grabbing his phone from the side table. “Hello?” Harry snaps in an unhappy tone, making it a point to show he has been inconvenienced. “Matthew, I’m busy right now, I can’t drive…. What? You’re out front already? Well, fuck, give me a few minutes to get dressed…” Harry hangs up the phone and looks at me. “Anna, I’m so sorry…” 

I shake my head and heavily sigh, “It’s fine. What’s happening?” 

Harry kisses my cheek before forcing himself off the bed and makes his way towards some of his clothes his Mum graciously bought him, “I have to work with Matthew.” 

“What do you mean?” I question, unsure of what Harry means. He shouldn’t be having to work, he’s on my service and there is nothing for him to do besides make sure I’m safe. My parents are in other places, so it isn’t as though he had to escort them anywhere. 

Harry’s hesitant to speak and takes a moment of silence to gather the right words to say, “We need to handle some stuff at Windsor and Buckingham.” 

“You’re driving back to London? I don’t think you should be driving at this hour.” 

Harry shakes his head, “Matthew is.” 

“Why though?” 

“Anastasia, you don’t want to know.” 

I shake my head and sigh, “I’d like to know. Seems suspicious to me.” I am not trying to start an argument by any means, I just want to know where he is going and why. With everything that has happened and how my world is entirely upside down, it makes me feel better to know what is going on instead of being left in he dark or being blindsided. 

“Anna, you make my job hard sometimes,” Harry mutters, “I have to go and help move Victoria.” 

“What?” My eyes grow wide while he does his best to pull on a sweater. 

“You heard me, I need to go move her,” he responds. 

I look at him, bewildered by the fact that he’s having to do such a thing, the sheer idea of him going back in the tunnels to her makes me uneasy. 

I flashback to what I saw in the tunnels and her lifeless body lying on the concrete. 

I don’t want to ask any more questions, I don’t need any more answers, nor do I want to know any. I don’t want to be apart of anything that has to do with Victoria right now. 

♔♔♔ ♔♔♔

I’m pulled from my slumber when Harry gently caresses his hand to my arm and kisses my cheek, “Hey, Baby,” Harry whispers, “I’m home.”

I gradually push myself up on my elbow, grasping my focus as Harry kisses my forehead, “Go back to sleep.” Harry adjusts the covers, drawing them more towards my side of my bed before placing a phone down on my side table, “Your new phone to call your parents off.” 

“Why do I need a new phone?” I tiredly question, unsure of why the old one that I have is being replaced. 

“Precautions to make sure it isn’t tapped and tracked, I will get rid of your old one when I wake up. Now, go back to sleep.” 

Ever since Harry left, I’ve been uneasy and sick to my stomach, I’m not sure what it is but even just hearing her name managed to unsettle me. I move to sit up against the pillows while Harry places his phone and wallet on the side table on my side as well, “Go to sleep, it’s four in the morning.” 

I shake my head and Harry sits down on the edge beside me, “Why? Are you having nightmares about everything?” He softly asks, remembering the last time I was up here and the fact Henry left me with nightmares the first night.  

“No… I’m not feeling too well.” 

Harry presses his hand to my forehead, “Well, no temperature. Do you want me to go get you anything?” 

“No, it’s okay,” I half-smile at him, “Get in bed, you’re probably exhausted.” 

Harry shakes his head, “Move forward a bit,” Harry instructs, gently pressing his hand to my back, “I’ll stay up with you,” he continues, beginning to rub soothing circles on my back. “Would you like tea or a heating pad?” 

“I’d like for life to settle down, Harry.” 

“I am doing my best to make it happen.”

“You can’t,” I sigh. 

There isn’t much that Harry can do to settle life and normalise things. None of this is his fault, my family issues do not stem from him, but I can’t help but continue to replay the conversation in my head that he has with his sister. 

Harry doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve inconsistency and scrutiny of things. He deserves a lovely girl who is normal, someone that will make sure dinner is on the table when he gets home from a long day at work and will pour him a drink to his liking. Harry deserves someone who isn’t in the spotlight of the world and who doesn’t need to be watched twenty-four-seven. Although I am aware that he does deserve better, the selfish part of me doesn’t want to care. 

Harry swears up and down this is what he wants and that he is aware of what he is getting into, but due to the current events, I don’t even know what I am getting into anymore. I don’t know what each day will hold, for all I know, by tomorrow morning I could be whisked off to America because there is suddenly another threat— things are unpredictable.

“Harry,” I begin with a soft voice, “Is this what you want?” 

“To be awake at this hour? No.” Harry shakes his head. 

I don’t think anyone wants to be awake at this hour.

“No,” I shake my head, “Us? Getting married and being apart of royalty.” 

Harry continues to rub my back, “I want to marry you, I thought that was pretty clear.” 

“But you do know it won’t be easy, right? You know that being married to a Queen will have disadvantages, right?” 

“I accepted that when you said you would not abdicate and refuse the crown. I want to marry you, where is all this coming from?” 

“If it came down to it, Harry, I would give up the crown for us, but right now I cannot. There is nobody to take it that is a good fit, the monarch would go into the hands of a distant cousin and I don’t want to risk that. I don’t want to risk us either, it is going to be hard, it won’t be easy, and… and you won’t have as much freedom, you deserve the life you want to live.” 

“Mhm,” Harry hums, “Anna, did my sister say something to you?” Harry instantly questions. 

I shake my head, “No.” 

“You heard her conversation, didn’t you?” 

I don’t respond, I stay closed-lipped and allow the silence to penetrate the bedroom. “Shouldn’t eavesdrop, darling,” Harry heavily sighs before I feel him press a kiss to my shoulder, “I know what I am getting into, my sister overstepped her mark, I can make my decisions. I want to marry you, let’s get some sleep.” Harry continues, moving to kiss my cheek, “I love you, don’t forget that,” Harry adds, carefully moving beside me. 

“Just making sure this is what you want.” 

“If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here.” 

“You have no choice, you’re the bodyguard,” I chuckle. 

Harry shakes his head, “I don’t have to be in bed with you, and I don’t have to be planning a wedding. Don’t overthink it, ignore my sister. Your bodyguard is tired and would like to sleep.” Harry presses, pulling the covers over his body

♔♔♔

Harry’s POV

The rain has been falling heavily for the last hour, and it's almost like the heavens have ultimately decided to open up and they don’t want to close. 

I stare down at the steam emanating from my hot tea, my hands cupped around the edges, the heat radiating warmth through my body. 

I should be curled up in bed with the gracious covers around me and my beautiful partner beside me, asleep, instead, I’m perched at the kitchen table, staring into an abyss of a cup looking for answers that I’m sure I won’t be able to discover. Most people find answers at the bottom of a bottle, and I am almost at the point of finding a bottle of whiskey but I don’t think that will solve much. 

There are a few things I need to figure out.

Why Victoria is dead and why she was in the tunnels.

How long before Victoria is reported missing and whether she will be found.

How I explain things to Anastasia.

When will things go back to normal? 

If I could come up with a resolution for everything, perhaps life would be a little bit more indulgent, unfortunately, at some point, things became so hectic that I don’t have any answers. I think the next time I have a cup of coffee, I will need to add a shot of whiskey to it. I require something to help calm me down and soothe these damn questions that I can’t figure out. I feel as though I am attempting to piece together a puzzle that doesn’t have all the pieces. I am sure that the king has more pieces to this puzzle that he will not reveal just yet. 

I can’t begin to imagine how Anastasia feels, it lies heavily on my mind and I don’t know how to ask her how she is processing everything. Even if she does open up and tell me how she feels about the chaos, there isn’t much I can do besides console her and hold her. I am useless purely because I do not have answers for any of the questions that could be asked. I  know she will have questions, she always has questions. 

“Why do you look so glum?” My sister distracts me from my drowning thoughts. 

I glance up from my mug and discover my sister stepping closer, her hair thrown up in a bun and her sweater falling off her shoulder as she yawns. 

“I thought you moved out years ago?” 

She rolls her eyes at my comment, “Likewise… Some of us visit our mother and stay for a few days.” 

I don’t respond, I just take a sip of my tea, not wanting to banter with her at this hour. “So, why are you so glum? Where’s your princess?” 

I glare at my sister and she curls her lips up into a smirk. She’s doing this to purposely piss me off. 

As kids, we continuously took the piss out of each other and found ways to get under each other’s skin, and usually, I’d be all for our banter, but right now, I’m exhausted and I don’t want backhanded comments… especially when it comes to Anna who is on the direct path of an emotional breakdown. 

“Do you not like her or something?” I asked with irritation, unsure of where my sister stands when it comes to my relationship. 

Whether my sister likes her or not, it doesn’t change my decisions of marrying her, but I’d still like to know my sister’s thoughts. 

“I do,” my sister nods. 

“Then what is with the damn comments when it comes to my relationship.” 

My sister lifts her shoulders into a shrug, “Daddy Issues.” 

I roll my eyes and sigh, “You’re annoying. Dad treated you well…. daddy issues my fucking ass,” I shake my head at her, attempting not to laugh at her comment. 

Contrary to popular belief, we always got along with our father, he wasn’t the villain in our family story. Our parents went their separate ways but it wasn’t for any drastic reason like he was an asshole or cheated, no. 

Our parents outgrew each other and weren’t on the same path when it came to life— they had different goals and aspirations— they were perfect for each other until they weren’t. They served their purpose together and split ways civilly. They can see each other in the street and have a conversation, and they can see each other at family events pertaining to my sister and me, there’s no issue there. 

“I like her, I do, I just like to aggravate you. Can’t believe my little brother is in love.” 

“Mhm… Well, it would be nice if you were a little nicer to her. I know being nice isn’t apart of your personality, but she could use with nice people around her.” 

My sister isn’t the nicest of people sometimes, she is a hard person to read. My sister is highly sarcastic, sassy and very hard to get a grip on whether she likes you or not. There is a fine line between her liking you and disliking you— a fine line that is hard to distinguish. 

“I’m nice,” my sister defends, “I bought her clothes!” 

“Gemma…” I trail off, “She heard our conversation yesterday and thinks you don’t approve of her.” 

“Harry, that was me just looking out for you and making sure you know what you’re getting into. I read the news articles, I’ve read the biographies of past royals—“ 

“That’s different. I don’t care what you read and how you keep up with the history of the royals, but be nice to her, and don’t give her any doubts.” 

“She has doubts?” My sister questions.

I nod my head, “She heard our conversation and cried over it, so just keep your comments to a minimum.” 

“Is that why you’re so glum and seem like you’ve had your firstborn son taken from you?” 

I shake my head and leave my cup on the table before I bury my face into my hands and rub my face out of frustration and exhaustion. “I have a girl in there sleeping while her world is turned upside down. I haven’t slept because I had the privilege of moving a corpse, and if that isn’t enough, some of Anastasia’s jewellery was taken from Buckingham and I don’t know how to tell her.” 

“What kind of jewellery?” 

“Her expensive pieces and the ones I bought her. I don’t know how they took her stuff but didn’t manage to take the royal collections.” 

“Have you checked the pawn shops?” 

“Gemma,” I begin, “I haven’t had time to track down her jewellery, I was busy moving a fucking body.” 

“Are you going to tell her?” 

“I don’t want to… maybe? I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing. Starting to think running away with her is the best option.” 

In all honesty, life would be better off somewhere else, less drama. 

“Give me a list of items taken and I’ll find them. You should tell her, don’t have a closed-off communication, that will make things worse.” 

“What are you? Sherlock Holmes?” … “I don’t know if she can handle it, Gemma.”

I don’t want this to be what pushes her over the edge. 

“I have a few friends in the jewellery industry, just give me a list and we will see what we can do.” 

“Where were your jewellery friends when I was looking for a diamond ring?”  

“You never told me you were looking for a ring,” Gemma responds with a chuckle. 

She has a point, I did not tell my sister, sometimes I don’t confide in her all the time, she tends to come to me more than I go to her when it comes to things

“Mhm,” I hum, “I need you to keep an eye out for any suspicious activity or people around here. If anyone saw us moving the body, they’ll come for me or her family.”

“Oh, great, so we are at threat?” 

“Not you,” I shake my head. “Just me, her and her family. Nothing major,” I half-smile, trying not to scare my sister, ���I’m going to go back to bed now and check on Anna,” I dismiss my sister before she can say anything in return. 

I walk down the hallway with my thoughts rattling my brain. 

How am I meant to tell her someone somehow stole some of her personal items? 

It is incredibly creepy that someone managed to get in her room. It had to have been done while we were away or after we had moved them into Windsor. I’m not sure how anyone can get into Buckingham and take her jewels, Buckingham is highly surveillance. 

I’m not sure what I’m meant to say to her, “Good morning, I love you… oh, and by the way, some of your jewellery was stolen.” — I don’t think that would be suitable for a morning wake up call. 

As my hand reaches for the doorknob of my old childhood bedroom, my phone rings. I heavily sigh and quickly grab it from the pocket of my sweatpants and quickly answer it, not wanting to wake Anastasia or my mother down the hallway. 

“Hello?” 

“Harry, my best pal,” Matthew cheers on the other end of the phone. 

I raise a brow, well aware that he’s trying to butter me up, “I saw you a few hours ago, what do you need?” 

“We need to have a bonding session.” 

“We bonded last night,” I respond, “I don’t think we need to bond,” I chuckle, walking towards the living room to pace the area without disturbing anyone. 

“I think we do.” 

“What needs to be done this time?” I sigh, unsure of what entails this bonding session. 

Surely it can’t be worse than last night. 

“We need to report to the king.” 

“He’s in the Netherlands,” I remind Matthew. 

“I’m aware, he needs us, we have things to take care of.” 

“What does this entail?” 

Matthew goes quiet before he clears his throat, “My engine light is flashing red like a code red sort of flashing, you should look at it. Come outside and look at it,” Matthew instructs, forcing me to read between the lines. 

Code red… code red… code red means the king needs us to do something under the radar that shouldn’t be spoken about over the phone or with anybody else. 

I hang up my phone and I walk my way to the front door. I take a break and I open the door to Matthew standing on the porch with an umbrella by his side. “Get your shit, we’re flying to the king.” Matthew bluntly instructs, not batting an eye with his instructions.

I heavily sigh, “Matthew, what do we have to do?” 

“I don’t know yet… but it isn’t pretty.” 

“Matthew, I physically can’t do any more dirty work, I can barely move my shoulder at this point,” I inform Matthew of the fact I’m not meant to be hauling dead bodies off and tampering with evidence to take the media attention away from the King and his family. 

I’m meant to still be on bed rest and taking it easy. I wish I was bedridden with morphine, this shit is getting to be too much to have to handle.

Matthew nods his head, “I understand, but this is important, code red sort of important, just like last night was a code red. Let’s go, you’ll be back tonight.” 

“Let me tell them I’m leaving,” I respond before stepping back inside the house. 

I find Gemma at the table with her iPad and a cup of coffee in her hand, her eyes gazing up towards me while I walk closer, “I need to go, tell mum I’ll be back tonight, be nice to Anastasia and tell mum to check the security systems, keep the doors locked.” 

“Do I need to be—“ 

“No,” I cut my sister off, “You don’t need to be concerned, just precautionary,” I respond, walking away from her before she can say anything. 

I step into my bedroom and walk closer to the bed, I sit on the edge beside Anastasia’s sleeping body. I gently press my hand to her arm, “Hey, sweetheart,” I whisper, slowly waking her up, “Hey, it’s just me,” I assure her as soon as her eyes open. 

“Harry,” she mumbles my name sleepily, causing me to smile. 

“I have to go, I’ll be back tonight, don’t worry though, you’re safe with Mum. Call me if you need me,” I lean down and kiss her forehead, “The gun is in the drawer beside you, Mum and my sister know what to do if anything happens, not that it will, just makin’ sure okay?” 

Anastasia hums her response and I adjust the covers for her and stand to my feet. Her hand wraps around my wrist and I look down at her, “Be careful, okay?”

I nod my head, “I will, I love you.” 

“Promise? I love you too.” 

“I promise,” I agree, giving her a small smile before taking my keys and wallet off the side table and stepping out of the bedroom. 

♔♔♔

I walk through the front door of my mother's house, more than thankful to finally be home. I feel the warmth wrap around my body and welcome me, and I couldn’t be happier. The flight home was fucking cold after we were stuck in the rain for a while, not to mention the drive from the airport to my mothers was just as miserable, Matthews rental car didn’t have heat, we both shivered and cussed the world for our problems. We tried to stop at the liquor store to find a bottle of whiskey to warm us up, but they were closed, we even tried to find a hotel but all hotels had no vacancy out here, so we suffered through the cold. 

I wander down the hallway and my mother stands to her feet from the couch, instantly coming to me, “You look like hell.” 

“Thanks, you’re so sweet,” I chuckle as she takes my shirt and jacket from my arm, “Mum, I can wash it and—“ 

She cuts me off, “Shut up,” my mother shakes her head checking to make sure the pockets are empty, “You’re cold, here grab a blanket,” my mother frets, stepping away and grabbing a blanket from the couch, wrapping it around me like a little kid. 

“Thanks, Mum,” I smile at her before I kiss her cheek. “I appreciate you, how was your day?” 

“Clearly better than yours,” My mum grins and I nod my head in agreement. I think most people have had a better day than I have. “I spent it inside reading and helping your sister sew, I don’t know why she wants to sew but she doesn’t need to be near my sewing machine,” my mother chuckles sweetly to herself. 

I can only imagine how it turned out with my sister sewing or attempting to sew. My sister is very talented but there are just some things she shouldn’t even try, sewing and most crafts are not one.

“I’d take teaching her to sew over what I had to do, any day.” 

“What did you have to do?” 

I shake my head, “I can’t talk about it, I’m not allowed to… maybe later I can tell you, just not right now,” I respond. 

My mother nods her head and shrugs, she knows there are some things better left unsaid, and today is one of them, “Anastasia has been quiet, slept most the day, I think something is wrong.” 

“Is she still unwell? I’ll check on her.” 

“She didn’t seem too well, but we did talk a little about the wedding. She is excited about it, by the way, but she hasn’t had a chance to try on dresses.” 

“I’ll take care of it, if it ever stops raining, I have a plan.” 

“And that is?” My mother questions curiously. 

“I’ll tell you more In the morning, goodnight, Mum.” I cheekily grin, folding up the blanket and placing it down before walking into the kitchen to make a tea. 

♔♔♔ 

I enter my bedroom and close the door behind me silently, just in case Anastasia is sound asleep. I observe Anna curled up in the bed, the comforter wrapped around her, “Hey,” she smiles tiredly towards me. 

“Hey, Mum said you still weren’t feeling well, thought I’d bring you a tea,” I hold up the mug, stepping closer to her and sitting on the edge of the bed beside her while she sits up. 

“Thanks, where have you been?” 

I grow withdrawn for a moment, unsure of what to tell her, I didn’t think of the cover story that I would tell her, it didn’t cross my mind. I have been too busy to thin about what to tell her.  “Harry?” She takes the cup from my hand and narrows her eyes down on me. 

“I’m not allowed to talk about.” 

“But…” 

“I was with your Dad, he says hi,” I inform her of her father’s request. The brief times I did manage to speak to him, he was insistent that I make sure I pass his message on, “He loves you and can’t wait to give you a hug.” 

“Sounds shady.” 

She isn't wrong, it is ALL shady; I would prefer to forget about the last few nights that have occurred.

“That’s because it is,” I nod my head, “It isn’t getting any better at this point.”

“I told you I think he’s losing his mind.” 

“I would be too if I had angry people coming after me,” I mutter, “But it's okay,” I quickly assure her, not wanting to scare her any further or cause her more stress. I am doing my best to destress her situations and fix things. 

Anastasia heavily sighs and rolls her eyes, “Is there a way to fix the mess he has created?” 

“Sort of.” 

“Then why don’t we do it?” 

“Anna—“ 

“Don’t leave me in the dark, Harry, it isn’t fair. I’m just as affected by this mess.” 

“You really don’t want to know my solution.” 

“Why? Why are we not going ahead with the solution.” 

“It’s highly illegal.” 

“I’m not sure I understand.” 

“Anastasia… How do you deal with people who have too much power, such as those in the mafia or with affiliations with the mafia?” 

“I don’t know, Harry. Stop cat and mousing me, tell me your plan.” Anna snaps before pressing her fingers to her temple and rubbing her temple. 

I wish I could fix things for her and give her a normal life. I am doing my best but right now, I am failing. 

I sigh as she takes a sip of her tea, “Anna… fight fire with fire…” 

Her eyes burn with hatred as she glares towards me, her lips screwed into irritation, “You’re being annoying.” 

“Jus’ don’t worry about it, okay?” I lean over and kiss her forehead. “Let me handle it.” 

“I don’t like how you’re handling it.” 

“Well, I am sorry. How are you feeling?” 

“You’re changing the subject,” Anastasia is prompt to point out the obvious. 

There are some things that are better left unsaid. Where I was and what I was doing is best unknown at the moment. 

“What happened to you? What’s on your shirt?” Anastasia leans forward and presses her hand to my shirt, looking closely. 

I look down and grab the white material between my fingers, stretching it so I can what Anna is looking at.

Fuck. 

“Oh, Matthew accidentally cut himself trying to open a box and I guess he got his blood on me, no big deal,” I lie straight to her face, beginning to unbutton my shirt, wasting no time with sliding it down my arms as I stand to my feet. 

“Do you want to lie to me again?”

“No, but I need to talk to you about something, some of your jewellery has been taken.” 

Anastasia doesn’t respond and I turn to gaze at her over my shoulder, “Anna?” 

“I heard you. There’s nothing I can do, it is just jewellery.” 

“I will get it back for you, I will do my best, darling, I promise.” 

“You got mail, it is on the dresser over there,” Anastasia points to the dresser and I step closer to it, taking the envelopes in my hand. 

“These are for you,” I inform her, looking down at the envelopes that seem familiar, they’re dressed as they would be If they were going to the palace for her to read and reply back with, but there is something odd about the envelopes, they’re all the same with the same handwriting but one is addressed to me. “Where did you get these?” 

“Your sister said they were in the mail, I haven’t opened it, I assumed mine were letters from the public for me to read and reply to, I just haven’t had the energy to do it.” 

“No, but how did they get here?” 

“I am guessing my carrier, Harry,” Anastasia responds, “How else would they get here? Throw me mine so I know whether I need to reply to them.” 

I shake my head, flipping the letters over and seeing that there is no return address, “Baby, these aren’t forwarded from the Palace,” I inform her, placing hers back down on the dresser and sliding my finger through the edge of the one addressed to me. 

“How do you know?” 

“I didn’t give the Palace a forwarding address for your mail.”

“Why not? I still have duties to attend to.” 

“First of all, you’re sick and don’t need to be worrying about it, second of all, it isn’t safe to have mail forwarded because then people will know where you are.” 

“You don’t need to tell me what I need to be worrying about,” Anastasia responds, not too pleased with my comment. 

“Okay,” I sigh, “Fair point, I was out of line, but nobody needs to know where you are right now,” I return, unfolding my letter and opening it up to read what it says. 

“I know about you and Anastasia, you can run but you can’t hide.” 

I take a breath and fold the letter back up, grabbing Anastasia’s as well in my hand. “What are the letters for?” 

I rub a hand over my dark stubble before shaking my head, “Nothing, I’m going to take a shower.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with my father.” 

“What?” I question as Anastasia pushes the covers off her body and gets out of bed. 

“You heard me, you’re acting just as shady as he is, and quite honestly, I don’t like it.” 

“You’re paranoid, go back to bed,” I respond, stepping into the bathroom and flicking the light on, only for Anastasia to follow me. “Are you joining me in the shower?” I raise a brow cheekily, attempting to distract her from the argument she is most likely ready to create— she has a valid reason for being irritated and wanting answers, but I don’t need her to worry. I don’t want her to be consumed even further by what is happening or by what could happen. 

I am trying my best to protect her from the shit show that is currently going on, she has dealt with more than enough and at this point, I am going to do everything that I can to not push her over the fucking edge. I know she is close to the edge and I will be damned if she goes over it. 

“I don’t think I am paranoid, Harry. I don’t like this. Why can’t you be honest with me?” Anastasia questions while I turn the knob to begin the water to heat up. 

I turn to face her and I step closer to her, “I am being honest, believe me when I say there are some things better left unknown, please don’t make this harder than what it already is.” 

Anastasia pulls her hand away from my own and stares at me relentlessly, “Seems like everything is left unknown until it boils into something bad that can’t be hidden.” 

I nod my head, “What is it you want to know?” 

“Where were you?” 

“With your Father. We had to have a private conversation, can I have my shower now?” 

“This conversation isn’t over,” Anastasia dismisses me and I heavily sigh as she storms out of the bathroom. 

This is bound to be an interesting night. Just when I thought that things could possibly settle down, I now have to face her. I lean on the vanity and stare into the mirror, taking in deep breaths in an attempt to think things through in a way that won’t destroy her.  

I am not sure how to explain the mail, unfortunately, this isn’t the first letter I have received in the last month or so, I don’t think it will be the last, but I do know that it seems like whoever is sending these letters knows my every move. Nobody knows that we are here beside her parents and Matthew, the new guy doesn't even know, Matthew put him on paid leave until we need him. The only thing I can think of is someone within the palace staff has managed to figure things out and is trying to leak information… I highly doubt her parents would be behind the letters, although that would be a plot twist, I can’t say that it wouldn’t be something that could happen, after all, nothing seems to be off the table at this point. It is time I tell Matthew about the mail I have been receiving, and it is time for us to come up with a plan to figure out who is behind it all. At first, I didn’t think much of it all, but now with them sending things to my mother's house, it shows they are watching me- they’re watching Anna. 

I pick up the envelope with Anastasia’s name on the front of it and I open it, holding my breath with every inch of the paper that rips between my fingers. I take the piece of paper out, slowly unfolding it before I read the ink scribbled on the paper. 

“I know about you and Harry… It will all be revealed soon. Stay alert, Princess, you’re next.”

I fold the letter back up and I place it in the envelope, not wanting to even see what the other one says. I believe these are empty threats by someone bored and lonely, probably a normal civilian, but at the same time, there is a part of me that is concerned it is one of the people who Is after her father. They’re not going to stop until the Ace’s get what they want and the King refuses to give up his power and money to them. He has paid his dues and that isn’t enough for that money-hungry family. 

It could be Henry, I wouldn’t be too surprised if he is the one behind this, but I have this feeling the reasons for his previous behaviours weren't based on his logical thinking but more so his mothers. I think his mother was behind a lot of his erratic and psychotic behaviour, I think his mother is the true evil one. I am not remorseful that she is no longer living, quite honestly, it was just a matter of time before she did more damage to Anastasia’s family. Anna doesn’t know this, but I have been watching Victoria from the moment I met her at the Garden party. On my off days, I would do my best to follow her in an attempt to figure her out, she didn’t do many things out of the ordinary, but there were a few red flags that I did take note off, none of which were enough to build too much against her in such a short time. Matthew did his best to keep track of Henry and Victoria and the one thing we can’t seem to figure out is… Who is Henry’s father? 

There is no name attached to the man that the King was talking to, there was never a man around at the Garden event that introduced himself as Henry’s father. I have tried to look up birth certificates but I can’t find Henry’s, I can’t even find Victoria’s marriage certificate. 

I push away from the vanity and take my suit pants off, dropping my clothes to the floor before getting in the shower. The steaming hot water hits my body and I feel a sense of stress leaving my body for a brief moment. My body isn’t cold and shivering and all the negative things that I have dealt with in the last two days are washing down the drain, hopefully, to never return. 

My shower wasn’t as peaceful as I had hoped, my thoughts kept reminding me of everything happening, almost to the point I wish I had an excuse to call the nurse for more morphine, although my shoulder is still painful, there is no way the King or Matthew will allow me to sleep peacefully with morphine and no pain and no worries. Oh, how I took it for granted to be able to sleep all day and not deal with the issues happening in the Royal world. 

I step out of the shower and Anastasia is leaning on the doorframe with a blanket wrapped around her body, I raise a brow but I do not say anything as she watches me reach for my towel and wrap it around my lower body. From the way her lips are pressed firmly together and the way her eyes watch my every move, she isn’t watching me because she finds me charming and good looking, no, she is watching me because she has things to say or she is trying to read me in an attempt to figure shit out. 

I shuffle closer to her and press a kiss to her cheek as I slide past her, still not saying a word. I step towards the clothes my mother bought me and I pull out a clean pair of sweatpants, wasting no time with pulling them up my legs before running the towel through my hair to dry it briefly. I place the towel in the hamper and glance over to Anastasia who has her arms crossed over her chest. “How’d you get the blood on your white shirt? That is going to be hard to get out.” Anastasia gestures towards the shirt I let fall to the floor before I went into the bathroom. 

I heavily sigh as I pick it up from the floor, “I told you.” 

“That was a lie, you and I know that.” 

“Anastasia, please don’t,” I shake my head. I don’t want to explain today to her. 

“You’re unbelievable.” 

“Please, don’t be mad with me, it is for your own-“ 

Anastasia rolls her eyes, “Jus’ don’t worry about it,” Anastasia cuts me off, “I hope you’re not turning into my father, I really don’t.” Anastasia informs me as she walks into the bathroom. 

“Anna, don’t be angry with me,” I slump my shoulders as she closes the door. 

I fall to the edge of the bed and run my fingers through my hair. I have fucked up with not telling her, I do not blame her for being upset, but as I have said, it is for her safety. I am not sure who I am attempting to convince more, myself or her. 

It is hard to draw a line between my job and being her partner, sometimes there isn’t even a line, sometimes I have to choose which one I want to take the role of. 

After a few minutes of staring at the bathroom door, waiting for her to exit, I force myself to my feet and walk to the door, I knock on the door, “Anna? I know you’re mad but you don’t need to lock yourself in the bathroom.” … “Anna? Are you okay?” I question, getting no response before I take it upon myself to open the door. 

I see Anastasia resting on the floor with her back against the bathtub, “The world doesn’t revolve around you,” she half chuckles, “Do you really think I would lock myself in here because I am mad?” 

“Well… I-, I I am an idiot, we know this already… You okay?” 

“I have never been better, I mean, after all, I have no clue what is happening with anything, I fell over a dead body, I have been whisked away from my home indefinitely because people are after my father, and to top it off, my soon to be husband is acting weird and shady.” 

“I meant how you felt.” 

Anastasia simply shakes her head and I sit down beside her, I slip my arm around her lower back and she rests her head on my shoulder, “Not trying to argue with you, or be mad with you, Harry.” Anastasia softly whispers, “I just hate all of this. I don’t want you to be like Dad.”

“I know, baby, I know,” I nod my head even though she can’t see me. “I do too. I am not your Dad. I just work for him and take his orders.” 

“Are we going to get through all of this, Harry?” 

“We will, it’ll all be okay,” I assure her, attempting to comfort her even though I don’t know what’ll happen next. I can’t tell her that it’ll be smooth sailing from here because I don’t know if it will, but I do know that she and I will be okay. 

“You’re not going to want to leave?” 

“Of course not, nothing your father causes will make me want to leave. I’m here for the long haul, I’m here to hold your hair when you’re sick, even if you’re mad at me,” I inform her and she gently nudges me. 

“I’m not mad,” she mumbles. 

I’m here to be a shoulder you can cry on, I’m here for it all. I’m here for all the good times and the bad times, I’m here for as long as you’ll have me. I’m in this completely. I hate that you’re doubting me though.” 

“Everything is just a mess.” 

“It’ll all be okay, do you want to get in bed? It’s a bit warmer than these cold tiles.” 

“No, I feel sick.” 

“Okay, we will stay here,” I respond, kissing the top of her head. 

“You can go to bed, I’ll be fine.”

“And what fun will that be? Won’t have you to steal the covers,” I half-heartedly joke with her, trying my best to lighten the mood. “Plus, when the wife says to go back to bed, you never go back to bed, it’s a catch. Never leave the wife when she’s unwell.” 

“You left me today.” 

“I had to and you were asleep.” 

“Left your sick fiancé to see my father.” 

“Your father pays my bills,” I respond with a small laugh. 

“Mhm,” Anastasia hums, “Do you love me enough to go to the store and get me anti-nausea meds? this is horrible.” 

“I would, but everything closes out here at ten. We can call your royal doctor, she has all sorts of great meds.” 

“You really love her, don’t ye’?” Anastasia finally manages to giggle, “Must have been some strong stuff,” she nudges me playfully. 

“The best sleep of my life, she had me feeling great for the first two days. Then reality hit.” 

“I don’t want to bother her, she’ll have to drive up here and it’s too much of a hassle.” … “I’ll survive. So… will you tell me what’s in those envelopes up there?” 

“Nope.” I honestly respond. 

“Nothing is stopping me from getting up and grabbing them.” 

“You don’t have the energy for that, if you did, you’d have done it already.” 

“Fair point,” Anastasia agrees, “I’m sorry about earlier and throwing a fit.” 

“You have every right to feel how you do and want answers, but it’s in your best interest not to know them, it’ll stress you out, I rather if you let me stress over it instead, okay?” 

“It’s hard. Harry. I feel like everything is crumbling around me. I can handle it, I don’t need to be protected.” 

“It is crumbling, I won’t lie, it is a shit show.” 

“Way to go in being comforting.” 

“I won’t lie to you about it, everything is crumbling around us but at the end of the day, you’re safe, your parents are safe and it’ll all be okay.” 

“You keep saying that… who are you trying to convince? You or myself?” 

“Both,” I respond in all honesty. “Love, I want us to have an open communication, I don’t want us to hide things.”  

“Well, that is a little far fetched considering your job, darling,” Anastasia points out. 

I can’t say she is wrong, she has a valid point, but she is missing what I am trying to say, “I do my best to communicate, I only hide things when I need too,” … “Not that it makes it any better, I just-, I want you to know I am doing my best with balancing both and I am not trying to hide things, I just have to sometimes…” 

“Shhh, I know, quit fretting, I get it, I do. It is frustrating, but I understand, I just had a moment earlier, Harry. No need to keep worrying over it.” 

I let out a breath of relief and hold her a little closer to me, grateful that we have the sort of relationship where we can talk things out, we might get mad, but we don’t give up, we come to terms with things, we consider each other’s feelings and we get through it. 

“Harry, we do need to talk about our marriage though.” 

“What about it?” 

“How it will affect you… Harry, I will be Queen within the next year, my father wanted to hand it over by the end of the year, December isn’t too far off, I don’t know whether he still will pass it down but if he does, your life changes unless we continue to keep it quiet.” 

“Well, since Henry isn’t married to you, I don’t think you will be becoming Queen. The whole point was for Henry to gain a higher title than what he already has. And, if you do become Queen, we will cross that bridge when we get there, I think we should hold off going public, but your family should at least know.” 

“You okay with just taking it day-by-day to see what happens with the crown?” 

I’m not sure why she has so many doubts when I have done my best to reassure her, I can only thank my sister for this one. Anastasia wasn’t this doubtful until meeting my sister. 

“Of course,” I nod my head, “But, do I get to wear a crown and a robe like they do in movies?” 

“What the fuck kind of movies do you watch? No, Harry. You don’t get to walk around with a crown and a cape. Do I walk around with a crown on?” Anastasia questions. 

“No… You never wear a tiara, why?” 

"Single ladies don't typically wear tiaras unless they are born into the Royal Family as a princess. Tiaras are not worn before 6 p.m.. They are worn on formal white tie events and state occasions such as state banquets. For the most part, I have skipped these events up until the last two years, which, my mother and father have not given me a tiara to wear… Once I am married or Queen, I will wear one or I can wear a crown.” Anastasia informs me on the etiquette of crowns and tiaras. I don’t know the difference between the two, and due to not wanting to sound like a moron, I don’t want to ask her what the difference is. 

“So… I don’t get a crown?” I curiously question. 

I don’t give a flying fuck on whether I am entitled to wear a crown or not. I’m not in this for the family jewels, the crowns, estates or anything. Quite frankly, none of that means a bloody thing to me, I’m in this for Anna. 

“You can wear a gold coronet.”

I gasp, “I don’t want a knockoff crown.” I respond, unsure of what a coronet is, but it sounds close enough to a crown. I can only assume it’s a step down from a crown. 

“Fine,” Anna chuckles, “I will bestow upon you a crown you can wear. I am sure there is one in the family, we have many jewels and crowns.” 

“Great, and can I also require a robe?” 

Anna laughs, “Don’t push your luck.”

“Can I have my own crown?” 

“For my coronation, the royal jeweller can make you your bloody crown.” 

“They should match, somehow… You know?” 

I wonder how long she’ll keep this conversation with me, I don’t mean any of it, like I’ve said, I don’t give a rats ass about the crown, I’m currently trying to keep her occupied in an attempt to make her feel better. 

“I love how you’re more interested in your crown than the fact you will have a lot of power.” 

“How will I have power?” 

I have enough power as it is, any more and it might get to my head. 

“Sweetheart, everyone will have to curtsey to you… Every member of the royal family will have to bow or curtsy to you…. But the future Queen thinks it’s time for bed, sitting on this cold floor isn’t going to cut it.” 

I stand to my feet and offer my hand to help her up, she presses her hand with my own and I gently pull her to her feet, “I do have another question though regarding the royal ways,” I begin. 

“Mhm,” Anna hums as we begin to walk out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. 

“If we were to have kids…. How do we raise them?” 

“Already anticipating children?” 

“No, you mentioned while I was carrying you out of the tunnel that we weren’t having kids, but if we do… do we have to raise them royally?” 

“Uhm….” Anastasia pauses to think for a moment, looking over at me, “We will decide how we raise our children, I will leave the monarch before I allow them to tell me what to do with our hypothetical children. If I’m Queen, I call the shots.” 

“Mhm…. And will they be raised in a royal way? Will they have a title?”

“Unless we choose otherwise…. I don’t know if I want kids to have to go through what I have as a royal. I wouldn’t strip them of their title but I don’t know… it’s something to think about after we are married, we’ve barely managed that yet.” … “Let’s just go to bed,” Anastasia smiles over at me and I nod my head with a smile. 

I’m more than happy to get in bed and fall between the sheets with her beside me, but I am distracted by my phone vibrating against the side table. I walk over to it and read the messages on my screen, “I’ll be back in a minute,” I inform Anna before I step out of the bedroom and walk down the hallway to the front door. 

I open the front door and stare at Matthew, “Look, Matthew, if you want me to leave again, I’m not, I haven’t slept much in the last 48 hours, Anna’s sick and I’m not going to—“ 

“Relax,” Matthew interrupts me, “I’m not on your doorstep for another job, I’m here to tell you I’m patrolling the house and watching so you can relax.” 

“Oh.” 

“But I’m glad you’re defensive and don’t want to leave your girlfriend while she’s sick, it’s kinda cute when you’re not the dick of a security guard.” 

“Knock it off, you’re making me sound soft.” 

“You are,” Matthew chuckles, “At least with her, it’s good, you’re getting softer and better at being her partner and not her security guard.” Matthew points out and I nod my head. It’s a transition sometimes to go from a security guard who can’t show much emotion to her boyfriend. 

“Are you done?” I laugh. 

Mathew nods, “Is she okay?” 

“She’s fine, with everything that has happened, her being a little under the weather is a better outcome than her emotionally spiralling, I think it’s the stress that has finally caught up with her.” 

“Does she need the doctor?” 

“No,” I shake my head, “I will put letters in the letterbox, I need you to take them, read them, and find out who’s sending them. They know I’m here and I don’t want to take any chances. They’re involving Anna now,” I inform Matthew of all the letters that I’ve received over the month, plus the ones Anastasia saw that were sent to my mother's house. 

I’ve done my best to keep the letters to myself and Matthew, not wanting to make something out of nothing. 

“Do you have any leads yet?” 

“No… I assume the Ace’s but Victoria is dead so that leaves who? Henry? His unknown father? Their mob? Matthew, the mafia aren’t people I want on my ass or the crooked government officials the king knows.”

“I’ll see what I can find out, just keep her safe and inside.” 

I nod my head, having no intentions of stepping outside with her unless it’s the back garden. “If you don’t mind, I’m going back inside where it’s warm.” 

“Try not to get too soft on me while I’m out here patrolling and keeping your ass safe.” 

“Ya, about time you watch my ass instead of me watching yours,” I respond before stepping back into the house. 

A Few Days Later.

I overhear the sound of the glass doors open as I stand on the back porch, gazing at the garden that is beginning to frail and change colours with the changing of seasons. I turn around and offer my mother a small smile as she closes the door behind her, but she doesn’t smile back at me. 

I cock my head to the side and watch as she fidgets with her hands, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip— she wants to say something, but she doesn’t know-how. 

“Just spit it out,” I distract her from her anxiousness. 

She shakes her head and sits down on the patio furniture, crossing her leg over her knee before tapping her fingers on the armrest, “I know I’m not allowed to ask but…” my mother trials off and I raise a brow, unsure of what question she’s about to ask. All I can gather is that it’s about my job. She’s aware I can’t discuss everything with her, but that doesn’t always mean she doesn’t attempt to ask. “I saw your shirt.” 

“What shirt?” 

“The one you wore the other night.” 

Oh, fuck. Here we go with that white fucking shirt. 

I nod my head, gesturing for her to continue. “It isn’t your blood, if it was then you’d have a wound.” 

“Who says I don’t?” I question, catching my mum off guard. 

My mother stares at me and narrows her eyes down onto me, she’s not thrilled and doesn’t want to participate in my sarcasm and half-assed answers. My mother stands to her feet, steps closer and takes it upon herself to lift my shirt, inspecting my body. 

I gently push her hand away, “If you don’t mind, it’s quite chilly,” I adjust my shirt to cover my torso. 

“Harry—“

“Mum,” I cut her off, “I already had it out with Anastasia over this, please don’t ask questions or read into this.” 

My mother shakes her head at me, “I can’t just not read into it… Surely there’s an explanation.” 

I nod my head, “There is, but I can’t give it to you.” 

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have blood-stained shirts in the laundry for me to wash.” 

“I love you, and I appreciate everything you do for me… But, in my defence, I didn’t ask you to wash my clothes or that shirt, I was meant to throw it away. But apparently, everyone wants to see it.” 

“I’m not a fan of this.” 

“Join the club, you and Anastasia can have weekly meetings about it,” I mutter before heavily sighing, “Look, maybe later I can discuss things with you, but right now I can’t. On other news, since the wedding people are setting up, I’d really appreciate it if you and Gemma could participate in this… Help Anastasia pick a dress and get an idea of what she wants.” 

My mother glares at me, “I know you planned this.” 

“What?” 

“You have a wedding designer here bringing in dresses and everything else to keep her mind off of whatever the hell you’ve been up to and whatever it is you’re planning to do.” 

“While you are helping her with a dress, I’ll simply be doing paperwork,” I inform my mother, covering the fact that she’s partially correct. I had planned to surprise Anna with a wedding dress designer for a while, it just happened that right now suites all scenarios, it’ll keep her occupied and away from social media and it’ll give me time to do ‘paperwork.’ 

Of course, my paperwork will include doing some investigating on the Ace’s and the mafia they’re involved with, along with figuring out the whole situation with Victoria in the tunnels, and if I have enough time, I will hopefully manage to figure out where the fuck we are going to go from here. Anastasia and I can’t stay with my mother forever, at some point we will have to move Anna back to Buckingham or one of the other palaces. With us getting married, I’d think it’s suitable that we have a proper conversation about where we plan to live, obviously she’s going to want to choose Buckingham or the palace in Ireland but I think we should have a nice place away from the royal family, perhaps a little cottage. We need a place that’s just for me and her that has no royal affiliation to it. 

“When exactly are you getting married and where?” 

“Where and whenever she picks.” 

“Aren’t you concerned they’ll tell the media?” 

“Confidentiality contract,” I respond, “I’m going to go check on Anastasia,” I dismiss the conversation, mainly because my mothers dagger eyes brutally murder me and I can’t stand it. 

I walk inside and make my way down the hallway catching Anastasia just as she’s stepping out of the bedroom, “Good morning,” I smile, kissing her cheek instantly before bringing her into a warm embrace. She mumbles a good morning into me and I chuckle. “How are you feeling? I just put the kettle on for tea.” 

“I feel a lot better, still a little nauseous but it’s bearable.” 

“You look better than the last few days, no offence... I have a surprise for you,” I inform her, watching as she looks at me with curiosity. 

“Mhm, what is it?” Anastasia hums. 

I intertwine her fingers with mine and lead her to the end of the hallway where the dress designer has been setting up. I open the door and step in the room, allowing Anastasia to see the countless wedding dresses on wracks lined against the wall, “Anastasia, this is Charlotte, a creative director of a luxury fashion house. She will assist you with dresses and if you can’t find one will help design one, if you wish. Charlotte, this is my soon to be wife, Anastasia,” I introduce the two ladies, stepping back as they greet each other. 

“I brought a few dresses for you to look at, try on and see what you like if none of them works we can literally go to the drawing board, whatever you envision is, is what I want to create,” Charlotte sweetly informs Anastasia, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t curtesy,” Charlotte stammers and I can’t help but chuckle to myself. 

It never gets old when people get bent out of shape over curtseying. “Please,” Anna quickly shakes her head, “There’s no need, I’m not a princess, I’m just someone who wants the perfect dress,” Anastasia informs Charlotte. 

“I’ll leave you two to it… Mum and Gemma will come in and help if you’re okay with that, thought you might want some company?” 

“That would be really nice, thank you for this,” Anastasia smiles towards me before stepping closer to me and kissing my lips. 

It’s the least I could do. All she wants is a sense of normalcy, she doesn’t want the big fancy royal wedding with spectators, she isn’t asking for more than having a dress and getting married. I’ll do everything I can to make sure she gets the wedding of her dreams, even if it’s a small ceremony in the back yard with the sheep. 

Anastasia pulls on my hand as I go to walk out and I stop on my tracks, she grows quiet for a moment before leaning up and whispering, “I don’t know if I can afford a designer dress, Harry, without dipping into the royal—“ 

I gently cut her off with a kiss, “Money isn’t a factor.” 

“But.” 

“It’s covered, no matter what you pick, it’s covered. Get the dress of your dreams, don't worry about money or whether the royals will pay for it, I have it covered.” 

“Harry—“ 

I shake my head, “Don’t worry,” I kiss her lips again before walking out of the room, well aware that she’ll stand there and argue with me all day if I’d let her. 

While Anastasia is occupied with the wedding with my mother and sister to soon be right behind her, I slip out of the house and make my way to the parked car on the street. I open the door and relax on the passenger side, “Bloody Hell, do you not know what heat is?” I challenge Matthew with a gasp, leaning forward and turning the heat on, “Seriously, I know you’re older but heat was invented many years ago,” I continue, pressing my hand to the vents. 

“Harry, it is not that cold.” 

“There’s frost on the grass, it is ten degrees this morning.” I point out the fact the grass is insignificantly wet and there is a slight mist of fog lingering from the overnight temperatures.

“Well, put on a jacket,” Mathew smirks, “Besides the point, you’re late, the King has already called.” 

“I had to occupy Anna… I am glad I missed the call, I don’t even want to know what he wants now.” 

I am starting to have this yearning of avoiding the King at all costs, but I obviously can’t, he pays my bills and I am in love with his daughter. I will never get away from him. 

“You don’t get to pick and choose when he is the boss.”

I sigh and look at Mathew, “Anna is being weird with me since I won’t tell her what happened, I can’t do more shady shit,” I inform Mathew, “At least let me marry her before causing problems, she is less likely to leave if we are married.”

Mathew laughs and shakes his head, “That sounds like a great relationship. Either tell her or lie.”

“I don’t want to do either. The king said he would kill us if we told anyone...”

The King was very specific with his instructions. 

“He can’t hurt a fly, he has us do his dirty work, Harry. Do what I do.”

“Lie?” I question, unsure of what he tells his wife when he suddenly has to leave or when he is never home. 

“Tell her you can't talk about things because what was discussed is confidential.” 

“That would be great but my future wife is the future Queen and she saw the blood on my shirt, that is the issue. She wants to know where the blood came from.” 

“Next time, get rid of evidence you moron,” Mathew shakes his head, “Look, tell her someone was hit by  a car and you saved them.” 

“Oh, yes, let me dig myself into more of a hole,” I huff, looking down at my phone and scrolling through my contacts, “The private detective I hired to keep an eye on Henry hasn’t found anything, Henry has been staying at a cottage an hour outside London. A small two-bedroom cottage and a vegetable patch.” 

“Where?” 

“ Singleton, but I don’t know why he has tried to go off the radar and hide… Took a while for the lead.” 

“And what are you going to do with this lead?” Mathew asks. 

“Well, nothing. I can’t do anything, if I do, it would be stupid, he would instantly link me to Victoria’s death, I have to stay quiet… Plus, he isn’t doing anything. Actually, do you think he had anything to do with Victoria’s death?” I curiously begin to question. 

There isn’t much of reasons for Henry to suddenly go into hiding, I didn’t threaten him besides when he tried to take Anna’s horse, he got away with his psychotic behaviour, in fact, I think the King gave back the horse without Anastasia knowing— not that she would care— I don’t think she will ever get on a horse again. 

Mathew stares at me for a moment and thinks, “Unlikely, it is his mother, what motive would he have? Ask the detective where he was that night, plus, nobody knows about Victoria yet, there haven’t even been reports of her missing, the media is quiet.” 

“A little too quiet,” I mutter, “Anyway, what did the King have to say?” 

“We are on media duty, we need to leak a story or two.” 

“What are we leaking?” I ask.

“This is the part you’re not going to like… He wants to use Anastasia as a decoy from everything. He wants the media and the people to believe that she has stepped away from the palace to focus more on her royal duties privately and to better grasp things.”

I roll my eyes, “Not the first time he uses her as a decoy. Why can’t the actual Queen be used? Why is it, Anna?” 

“Well, the Queen isn’t as popular, quite frankly, at this point, nobody gives a damn what the Queen does. Everyone is interested in Anastasia, you are aware she will be Queen soon? She is big news.” 

“Whatever,” I hum, “So we have to leak stories that aren’t true to suit the King’s narrative? Can you do it? I don’t want Anna hating me much more. I don’t want a divorce before I m even married.” I ask Matthew as he begins to drive up the road. 

“I can,” he nods, “But you have to take the next call from the King.” 

I agree and nod my head, taking the file on his dashboard and beginning to read through it to get an understanding of what the King wants and what exactly we need to do. 

[maowbean]

Just Friends

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: When being “just friends” isn’t enough anymore, then the jealousy kicks in.

Warnings: Underage drinking, language.

Word count: 1786

A/N: I saw the recent news about Marvel and Sony, sucks :(. I still love the Tom Holland version of Spiderman though. Honestly haven’t been all that interested in Spiderman till Tom. Hope you like this fanfic! Gif from google!

“Hey y/n, you wanna come to my party?” Liz asked you after academic decathlon practice one day.

You thought about it for a moment, you had never gone to a party before, but it seemed kind of scary going at it alone. “Can Peter and Ned come too?” Nothing is scary when Peter is with me.

“Mmmm, yea sure I guess.” Liz answered nonchalantly. “Oh! If Peter really knows Spiderman, then bring Spiderman too!” Now she was excited.

“Sure! I’m gunna go tell them!” You ran off to Peter’s locker to tell them the good news. “Guyssssss! Liz just invited me to her party!” You were smiling a goofy smile all proud about the invite. “She said you guys could come too… but… she wants Spiderman to make an appearance.”

Ned was quick to share your excitement. “Really? Oh my gosh! Yes!”

Peter squinted his eyes. “What? No no no, Spiderman isn’t a party trick.” Peter whisper-shouted.

You and Ned both turned to Peter with expecting eyes, “why not?”

Ned says, “It would be so awesome!”

You gave Peter your best puppy dog eyes, “pleaseeee Peter?” how was he supposed to say no to your cute little pout?

Peter sighed, “Fine! I hate you!”

“Haha, no you don’t.” You say playfully.

Peter rolled his eyes and smiled at you.

- 

You lived in the apartment right above Peter’s for as long as you could remember, so on the night of the party, he helped you sneak out. That’s how you ended up on a rooftop with him, well Spiderman, your bestest friend in the whole wide world. The boy you cared for, the boy you love. He looks good in that suit.

“You ready?” Peter looked at you.

You gave him a smile and small happy nod. “So ready!”

Spiderman scooped you up and swung towards Liz’s house. The wind was blowing across your face and you tightened your grip around Peter. Your heart was beating fast being held by Peter. Thump thump thump. You had your face buried in his chest, afraid to look around too much. How did Peter always smell so nice? Then as just quickly as you were scooped up, you were already safely on the ground. Inside Liz’s house, all eyes were on you and Spiderman.

“Hey everybody what’s up?” Spiderman shouted. Ned excitedly comes over and they fist bump.

The whole crowd is excited, “SPIDERMAN!” there’s excited shouts about Spiderman all around.

“Hey! Do you really know Peter?” Flash yells.

“Yea! He’s awesome, helped me with my web shooters!” Spiderman exclaims. That left Flash gawking.

Once again excited whispers about Spiderman fills the room.

Liz pulls you over, “I cannot believe that just happened!” Liz squeals excitedly.

Me either! You thought to yourself. “Um he can’t stay long, got crime to fight you know?”

“Wow! Of course! This is so cool!”

Eventually Spiderman left and you wondered into the party. Someone offered you a drink and you took it carelessly. When was Peter gunna “arrive?”

When Peter arrived, he couldn’t find you, but when he finally spotted you, he wasn’t happy.

“Peter, you’re staring again.” Ned whispered

“What? Psh! No, I’m n-not!” Peter pulls his gaze away from you and looks down, avoiding eye contact with Ned.

“Yea you are, if you like her, you should just tell her. I mean come on, it’s y/n! Because right now you’re just being creepy.”

“I don’t like y/n, we’re just… just f-friends.” Peter sighs, “…besides, I like Liz.”

“Right, that’s why you glare at every single guy who even tries to talk to y/n.” Ned easily states. “Or that one time when she almost had a date, but you got sick,” Ned threw out air quotes around the word sick, “and she stay-”

Peter cut Ned off, his cheeks flushing red, “What! I do not! Besides those guys aren’t good enough for y/n! I’m just looking out for her.”

“You say you like Liz, but who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself? Because to me, it sure seems like your heart is screaming y/n.” Ned stated like it was the most obvious fact in the world. Ned kept going, but Peter wasn’t paying attention anymore.

Peter sighs and his attention was back over to you across the room. You looked like you were having a great time at your first party. Leaning against the wall, a little tipsy from whatever drink you had been drinking. Flash was flirting with you for sure and whatever he was saying made you giggle. A few strands of your hair fell in front of your face and Flash helped tuck it back behind your ears. What the fuck? Peter’s blood felt like it was boiling, his brow knitted together, and he scowled. It was like someone reached into his chest and squeezed his heart.

- 

Flash was always nice to you, well everyone was nice to you. You were a very likeable person even if you were normally shy. So, when Flash insisted that you hung out with him in this corner of the party, you didn’t really have a good reason not to. Besides, you were having fun and the liquid courage you were drinking made you more daring than usual. The jokes Flash were throwing at you seemed a lot more funnier than usual so you didn’t mind.

It was all just playful banter until you found yourself roughly pinned against the wall. Flash’s face was just inches from yours. Woah! You tried to push him off, but you weren’t as strong as him. Was this how your first kiss was going to be stolen? You were kind of hoping to share that with Peter. It felt like your heart dropped into your stomach and your knees felt weak. You squeezed your eyes shut, tears threatening to spill over, clenched your fists, and braced your body for impact. But suddenly, the weight of Flash was lifted off from you.

“Hey!” Was that Peter? Your mind was too fuzzy to tell for sure.

You slowly opened your eyes and found the back of a very protective, very angry Peter shielding you from Flash. Peter’s so close. You looked down to see that Peter was holding your left hand, your right hand was already balled into the back of his t-shirt. Is the room spinning or what?

“What gives man?!” Flash exclaimed and the yelling match began.

“Keep your hands off y/n!”

“I was just showing her a good time! What? Are you jealous?!”

“You were taking advantage of her!” Peter shouted.

“She wanted it!” That really set Peter off.

Peter instinctively leaned forward to punch Flash, but Ned stopped him, “woah woah! Calm down Peter!”

You were shaking now, maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was all the yelling, but it wasn’t fun anymore. You tugged on Peter’s shirt and he looked back at you, you had a few tears in your eyes. “I’m I’m, c-can we go home?”

His knitted brows softened at you and he turned around fully to face you, completely ignoring whatever Flash was yelling. He smoothed down your hair and pulled you closer. “Yea let’s get you home.” With that, he started leading you out the party. Well, more like half carry you out, your knees were weak and not actually supporting your body as you moved. It was probably the alcohol.

At some point, you got on Peter’s back and he piggybacked you the rest of the way home. That was nice, Peter was so warm. It was hard to remember, you were dizzy, and everything was blurry. I’ll just close my eyes for a moment.

“Y/n?”

“Hmm?” You sleepily opened your eyes. The two of you were already on the fire escape by your bedroom window when Peter set you down. He climbed in your window and helped you in. Peter set you on the edge of your bed. You looked at him with tired eyes as he searched through your closet for something to get you changed into. He found one of his t-shirts that he had left here, a pair of shorts, and handed that to you. You started tugging on your top without giving it much thought.

Peter quickly spun around, his face red. Woah, don’t look Peter! Don’t look! Y/n is drunk!

You tugged on the bottom of Peter’s shirt when you were done. He turned around to look at you. Seeing you in his t-shirt made his heart melt. His heart felt warm, fuzzy, and full of you. The shirt was a little too big, but you looked adorable. I love you. He pulled you in close for a hug. “Y/n?” He wrapped his arms around you, it felt so safe.

“Yea?” You moved to look at his face, his eyes to search for the secret words that were threatening to spill out.

Peter took a deep breath, inhaling deeply. I can’t take it anymore! “I think, I think I love you.” But you could see it in his eyes, it wasn’t just a thought, all the love and all the actions behind his emotions were there. It was like he was staring into your soul that very moment and you were at a loss for words. “Seeing you with Flash,” Peter sighed, “I got mad, I was soooo jealous. Please say something.” Peter pleaded.

Peter, I love you too! “Wow!” You put your hand on her face, trying so hard to get the right words out, your mind was racing, but it was like you lost your voice for a moment. I can’t even think straight, you’re so close to me right now. “Peter, I love you too!” Finally!

Peter closed his eyes and leaned right in, crashing his lips to yours. You let out a sigh and closed your eyes. He was gentle, his lips were soft moving against yours. Yours were moving to his perfectly. When you finally pulled apart, you were both breathing hard. You both smiled, but you were really feeling the fatigue now. He helped you climb into you bed.

“Hey Pete?”

“Yea?” He said as he gingerly brushed some hair out of your face.

“Can you stay?” You asked looking up into his eyes.

Peter smiled softly and lovingly looked at you, “Of course!” Then he climbed in right next to you. This was where the two of you were meant to be. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed your forehead. “I love you y/n.”

“I love you too Peter.” He held you tight in his arms all night. That feeling you both had, it was definitely more than “just friends.”

[surveysonfleek]

1453.

Have you ever wished you could start life over?: i wouldn’t.

…or at least go back in time?: no. yes, there are soooo many things i’d love to change but i wouldn’t want to fuck with the butterfly effect.

When did you last eat pizza?: maybe 2-3 weeks ago.

Do you prefer to hear the painful truth or a beautiful lie?: painful truth.

How many exes do you have?: none.

Have you ever known a pathological or habitual liar?: yes haha.

Do you enjoy writing?: not at all. i haven’t written anything since uni.

If so, do you prefer writing lyrics, poetry, stories or something else?: -

Are you angry right now?: not really. just disappointed.

Have you ever punched a wall?: nope.

Have you ever lived in a motel/hotel?: no.

Do you think you would enjoy running your own business?: yes, especially if it was something i was super passionate about.

What’s the average rent for a 1 bedroom apartment in your area?: $350-$400 a week.

Do you think rentals are too expensive where you live?: yes. the housing prices are freaking ridiculous.

Have you ever changed a car’s alternator?: nope.

Do you have Netflix?: yes.

What about Hulu Plus?: no.

Do you have an Xbox Live gold membership?: no.

Would you rather master Guitar Hero or a real guitar?: a real guitar, duh. guitar hero is basically dead.

Have you ever used an electric drill?: no.

Do you know anyone who’s had brain surgery?: yeah. my cousin had a tumour in his brain as a kid but they got it out thankfully.

Do you like playing FPS (First Person Shooter) video games?: yes.

Have you ever heard of, the band, Porcupine Tree?: no.

Would you rather wear boots or sandals?: whichever’s more comfortable tbh.

Have you ever rescued a lost dog?: no.

Have you ever adopted a dog from a shelter?: no.

Have you ever cleaned a cat litter box?: no.

Have you ever used a machete?: i don’t think so.

What’s the last gift you gave to someone?: i forgot haha.

What’s the last gift you received?: a valentine’s day card lol.

When was the last time you rode a bicycle?: two years ago.

Do 2 wrongs ever make a right?: not that i’ve seen.

Are you a vengeful person at all?: a little bit lol. i hardly ever follow through though.

Do you have a good memory or do you forget things often?: i have a fairly good memory.

Do you know anyone who suffers from chronic fatigue?: lmao i have a suspicion about someone who may have it.

Have you ever felt like you “lost yourself”? : tbh no.

Do you judge people based on their weight?: no. i only ever judge people based on their behaviour and personality.

Do you know anyone who’s hardworking but still struggles to make ends meet?: yes.

What do you think is more harmful? Cigarettes or Marijuana?: cigarettes.

Is your air conditioner on?: nope.

Is your heater on?: no.

Do you enjoy going on walks?: i hate them unless it’s in a new environment.

Do you like having picnics?: i hardly ever have them.

Have you ever had a panic/anxiety attack?: yeah lol.

Have you ever dated a co-worker?: yes. but we were dating before we started working together.

Do you still buy CDs or do you just download music?: i just have apple music.

Do you like iPod/song shuffle surveys?: i haven’t done those in years.

Do you suffer from social anxiety?: not really. if i’m too lazy to socialise i just won’t.

Are you more introverted or extroverted?: i’m in between tbh. i was much more extroverted when i was younger but i got socially lazy over time.

Do you enjoy organizing things?: yes!

Have you ever watched “Mystery Science Theater 3000”?: nope.

Do you know anyone who plays Tuba?: nope.

If you had to get a tattoo of someone’s name, who’s name would you choose?: my mum or dad.

Have you ever been to Catalina Island?: nope.

Would you rather swim with dolphins or sharks?: dolphins.

Do you know how to change a vacuum belt?: nope.

Have you ever given a business a bad online review?: yes but it was constructive criticism. 

Do you know anyone who used to be a stripper (that you know of)?: no.

Do you know anyone who’s a hoarder?: yes lmao.

Do you know who Maynard James Keenan is?: no.

Do you take responsibility for your actions or tend to make excuses?: i always take responsibility. 

Have you ever used the shower at a gym?: nope.

Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship?: kinda tbh.

Do you believe that “love is blind”?: oh yes. i’ve seen some people so blinded by the toxicity of their relationships, it was crazy.

What’s the furthest distance you’ve ridden a bicycle? meh, a couple kilometers.

Do you rate every survey you fill out, here on bzoink?: i don’t use that.

Do you know anyone who gets way too angry when playing video games?: haha me.

Do YOU get too angry when playing video games?: mhmm.

Do you like to sing karaoke?: only while drunk.

Do you know what micro-expressions are?: i’m not sure.

If so, do you have a talent for seeing/reading them?: -

Have you ever had insomnia?: oh yes.

What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been awake?: like 36 hours.

Have you ever been in denial?: haha yes.

Have you ever been in The Nile?: no.

Have you recently used a nail file?: literally tonight.

Do you know anyone named Kyle?: yes.

Is it annoying that I started rhyming my questions?: didn’t even notice.

[areiton]

Recent Fic Recs

Everything of mine by rei_c (Steter, Teen Wolf)

"I've been sleeping a lot," Stiles says. "I'm not eating. I don't have any energy. My mind isn't working as fast as it used to. I feel run down. Breathing hurts, sometimes. My hair's started to fall out. My muscles spasm. And before you ask: yes, they've run tests. I went to the hospital over in the Valley and they checked everything -- ruled out everything. The most they can come up with is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome but I don't fit all of those symptoms and --."

He stops there, looks down, away from Peter's eyes. "What?" Peter asks, gently.

It takes a moment for Stiles to steel himself, to meet Peter's gaze, to say, "I know what it is. Why I'm sick, I mean."

"Please, Stiles," Peter says. "Tell me."

or

When the nogitsune and Stiles split, their bodies got mixed up and torn apart, leaving Stiles to inhabit a completely magical construct. He needs an anchor to the physical world in order to survive and when he can't wait any longer, he goes to Peter Hale.

This was so lovely. I really loved the change in dynamics, that Stiles was the one with all the power. Plus, post-nogitsune fall out? So much win.

***

i have always been the storm by stilinskisparkles (Sterek, Teen Wolf)

"You’re all headed out to Oklahoma in a week.”

Derek snaps his head up, stares at him in horror, “No, boss.”

“Yes,” Finstock insists in a steely voice. “The NSSL have been on at us for a year about some decent exposure, and I think you’re just the team to do it.”

“I haven’t done weather since college,” Derek protests.

Boyd snorts again, presumably because he’s thinking back to the time when Derek and the weather last collided and he…. well, didthe guy into the weather for a brief, wonderful, terribly foolishtime. But, Boyd needs to shut up before Derek punches him on the nose.

I just really loved how fluffy and sweet this was. Very lowkey angst and fantastic friendships all around.

***

chestnut kisses by unloyal_olio (Sterek, Teen Wolf)

A kissing game goes horribly wrong.

(Or a high school AU, in which Stiles's love saves Derek from the clutches of Kate Argent.)

Note: Chapter one is the experimentally formatted original. Chapter two is the edited version with conventional formatting.

High school fluff and angst and Derek being adorable and Stiles pining and it was perfection.

*** anchor by thegeminisage (Dargent, Teen Wolf)

Derek insists on coming along with Chris Argent and the Calaveras on the hunt for Kate, so he can see her dead for good. While following her trail back to Beacon Hills, they come to understand some hard truths about both each other and themselves, and struggle to find the reason why, after losing nearly everyone they've ever loved, they're still here.

I loved loved loved this. The slow build, the way Derek dealt with his sexuality and need to be close to Chris. Chris dealing with his trauma. The delicious slow fall for each other--it was gorgeous.

***

steady hands by thegeminisafe (Dargent, Teen Wolf)  

Twenty-four hours after the death of his sister, Chris Argent wakes in Derek Hale's loft with his hands trembling too badly to load and fire a gun, and no matter what he does, he can't make them stop. He made a promise to protect Beacon Hills in Allison's stead, but now he has to decide how he carries on her legacy when he doesn't know if he can fight, if he can ever lay his guilt to rest, and if he's truly capable of doing good when he has already done so much harm. 

This fic. It was so good?? I love when falling in love with someone doesn't fix everything. Because sure, they're together--this is a direct followup to Anchors--but Chris is still so fucking damaged and it's so damn GOOD. Read it, friends.

***

breathing you in by lavenderlotion (Steter, Teen Wolf)

“Good morning, kiddo,” his dad said, and the words hurt.

All Stiles wanted to do was step forward and let his dad hug him, allow his father to give him comfort. His father's hugs had always been all-encompassing, the way he would fold himself around Stiles and hold him as tightly as he could.

Stiles stepped around him, careful not to let foreign skin touch anything that was special to him.

Anything he loved.

I really really loved this. The way Stiles struggles with being in his post-nogitsune body, and the way Peter and his dad take care of him? It's perfect. I want more. SOOOO MUCH MORE.

***

i could by julibean19 (Steter, Teen Wolf)

Stiles froze. He knew that voice. The way it said his name. He was immediately brought back to a dark parking garage, sharp claws biting into his neck, red eyes flashing, and a jaw practically unhinging to swallow him whole. A shiver ran down his spine as he finally placed it.

The man in the shower was Peter Hale.

What business did Peter Hale have with Stiles? Why was he laying out Stiles’ clothes and making him healthy lunches? Why did Stiles wake up wrapped in his 20,000 thread count sheets with a wedding ring on his finger? What was happening?

This was lovely and angsty. I'm a huge sucker for amenisa fics, and this one was done incredibly well.

***

once upon a dream by gryvon (Sterek, Teen Wolf)

Stiles has been dreaming of the Hale family burning alive since he was a child. After being locked in Eichen for a year, Stiles learns to keep his visions to himself. That doesn't stop him from keeping an eye on Derek Hale while he waits for Kate Argent to make her move. Only watching Derek becomes loving Derek and stopping Derek and Kate from getting together turns into Stiles dating Derek Hale. He's in love with Derek but his visions haven't stopped, only now he has to watch Derek die with the rest of his family. He'll do anything to keep that dream from becoming reality.  

This was lovely. Just so lovely.

***

mangata by aretemis69 (Sterek, Teen Wolf)

The place chosen for the speed dating is nice, close enough to the shore that the sun warms the shallow waters and washes everything in blinding white light. Long, thin shadows crawl all over the hills, dancing over pinkish sand and pale rocks, following the swirls of the surface.

When he looks around, Stiles can see various spots marked out with colorful stones, all organized in a loose circle and numbered with small shells. In the center of it all is a massive signboard in human plastic, glinting under the sun.

It is, objectively, the nicest place Stiles has ever been this miserable in.

-

Or the Sterek mermen speed dating AU where Stiles is unlucky in love (until he isn't).

This is such a lovely little fic. The worldbuilding is beautifully done and the sweet pining is perfection.

***

the darkness inside by isthatbloodonhisshirt (Sterek, Teen Wolf)

The sheriff watched him for a moment, then he sighed and turned slightly. He reached out to open a cabinet door beside him, and pulled out a shelf. It was on a track, so it rolled out of the cabinet fairly easily, and held a small CCTV. Derek frowned and inched his chair to the side a little bit so he could get a better angle.

He was looking at a teenager, or someone at least young enough to be the same age as Scott. He was sitting on a bed in what looked to be a larger room, the area he was in surrounded by four glass walls, with his legs crossed and head tilted.

He was also staring directly into the camera, as if he knew someone was watching. A creepy smile slowly slid onto the teen’s face, and he held up one hand, wiggling his fingers in a slow, eery wave.

Derek felt his mouth run dry. He didn’t know who this kid was, but he didn’t like him.

“Who is that?” he asked quietly.

“That,” said the sheriff, “is my son.”

This? This is the perfect nogitsune possession fic EVER. It's gorgeously done and the way Derek can tell the difference between Stiles and Nogitsune is heart-wrenchingly perfect.

***

could frame thy mortal by orphan_account (Steter, Teen Wolf)

It’s normal. Spending every waking second watching Hale is normal. In many ways, Hale is his whole universe: tracking his movements, waiting for what he does next, wondering what he’s thinking. The only outside stimulation he gets otherwise is the shower visits, and even then it’s only when Chris is the one taking him that he gets any engagement.

Stiles knows Hale like he knows the water pipe. The sixty two bars that line the side of their cage. Like the minute of cold water that hits Stiles’ skin before the heat finally comes in the shower block. "

Held in an Argent facility, never knowing who he can trust, Stiles pays for his survival with the only currency he has.

I loved what Stiles is, and how far he'll go to survive and Peter in general is perfection. It's gorgeous.  

[m4nakin]

Just gonna do it all at once cause fuck it

1. 5’5 , 167 lbs 🤢 , chest 37 inches, waist 29 inches, hips 41 inches.

2. 5’5. Kinda wish I was shorter so I could manage to weigh less

3.

I like the waist to hip ratio, thigh gap & thin arms

4. Ugh I don’t wanna lose all my boobs or my hair

5. Definitely losing weight for me. When I “recovered” (aka just binged all the time) I gained soooo much weight. And now I hate looking in the mirror. I want to look in the mirror and not see my fat staring back

6. Yea unfortunately. I think I binged when I’m anxious or I just wanna feel something.

7. Yeah they know. No they don’t care.

8. Walking all day at work, walking my dog 2-4 times a day for 30-60 min, hot yoga 1-2x a week & aerial yoga 2x a week in the summer.

9. Yessss both when I was skinny and now the weight i am. So I decided to say fuck it and be skinny for me.

10. Being able to go out with people and not have to worry about how many cals I’m consuming.

11. Honestly my old account got deleted so I don’t have a fave atm

12. I eat almost anything except beets, pork, peanut butter & anything too calorie dense when I can help it.

13. I don’t care. As long as I lose

14. UGW is 115 lbs. I want to reach it by June 2023

15. I was vegan for 4 years and vegetarian for 9. Not anymore. It helped me lose weight at first but not in the long term.

16. Many years ago. But most recently last November.

17. Probably

18. Junk food. Always. Fast food, chocolate, chips etc. I see it and I immediately want it

19. Today lol

20. High res, whole foods, sugar detox

21. Usually a size 8

22. My lowest weight was 96 lbs. I was a minor so I was forced into recovery. Was let out at 115 lbs. and then I’ve slowly just kept gaining because of life and stress tbh

23. Not really. Except tumble and Pinterest th1n$p0

24. I don’t think anyone should be “pro” any type of ED.

25. No. I’ve tried but I have a very weak gag reflex and can’t make myself throw up easily

26. Eat small amounts, distance my mind (go

On my phone, talk to people etc)

27. Being around food is fine. I just eat small portions

28. Yes yes yes I want a thigh gap to look like a wandering baby deer

29. Beauty is truth and confidence

30. 1. I’m a Gemini/cancer cusp 2. I have 2 cats and a dog, 3. I live with my amazing partner. 4. I’m 26 years old. 5. I love Lofi. 6. I have chronic fatigue disorder. 7. I might have narcolepsy. 8. I started on ED tumblr in 2011 9. I used to be a druggie 10. Happy to be skinny again

[chronic-confessions]

Confession #3,258

Part 1 - no support from family for boyfriend kind of

Ever since day one my parents never have supported me or thought I was “faking” my pain. I used to miss a ton of school because in the morning I would wake up and feel so nauseous and sometimes vomit, I would be so exhausted and still tired or wake up with headaches and be so tired throughout school id fall asleep in class, on the bus, and come home and sleep for five hours once I got home from school. They used to force me to go to school because I had to and the whole time they thought I was just faking it so stay home and sleep in. Then when my stomach problems started coming up my parents thought I was faking it again and complaining about my stomach to go to the doctors and get notes and excuses to miss school. Especially in the beginning when the doctors couldn’t find much wrong with me. Until they did an endoscopy and found gastritis and ulcers and eventually did a gastric emptying test and found I have gastroparesis. N guess what? The doctors diagnosed me with all of this shit in-front of my parents and even showed the pictures of the ulcer and gastritis in my stomach and my parents still think I’m faking it. 

They always tell me how if I “ate better I wouldn’t have any problems” or “ if you wouldn’t of had went vegetarian this wouldn’t of had happened to you” and all of this bullshit. It pisses me off so bad especially since now here I am 20 years old and still suffering from stomach problems having flare ups and now new symptoms where two of my doctors thinks I have some kind of autoimmune disease possibly multiple sclerosis. I sleep so much at least 10-13 hours a day and my boyfriend constantly calls me lazy to my face. I just don’t understand how people can be in the room with me while the doctors clearly is saying there’s something wrong with me and then they turn around and talk shit like they don’t know I have chronic illnesses. My boyfriend literally told me that in the future he’s not going to let me sleep in because I need to be productive and wake up early and cook breakfast and do all of this shit and I actually cried because wtf. I have a ton of anxiety my doctor thinks I’m depressed as well and having no support or anyone to talk to makes it completely worse. I can’t even have sex anymore because majority of the time I get these SEVERE cramps that make me want to vomit and my boyfriend has seen me collapse on the floor crying curled up in a ball in pain and then asks me to have sex again the next day. I stopped working and I know my boyfriend doesn’t like it because he says shit like “ it must be fun to sit around at home all day especially if you get approved for disability, shit lay around and get paid for it”. It makes me feel so bad especially since sometimes I have good days and sometimes I have terrible days. Especially when I have a flare up and I’m really sick for a week this is why I don’t want to get another job. It’s like when I’m sick my boyfriend takes care of me but then when I have a few days where I’m less sick and feeling OKAY to do things he’s like “ why don’t you get a part time job”. Idk like my boyfriend is better than my parents but he doesn’t get it. He has these severe chronic painful migraines and I’m so supportive of him and do everything I can to help him and he should understand how I feel because he misses a lot of school and work because of the migraines but yet when I used to stay home from work because I was nauseous and having abdominal pains he would sigh and just be like “ so you’re really not going to work today?” And just make me feel really bad. I especially can’t talk to my sister because she’s called me a “hypochondriac” multiple times even though she has fucking diabetes since she was like 6 years old she should understand too. I hate how my sister and boyfriend both think because they still push through work and school that I should just “suck it up” and try to live a normal life. Don’t even get me started with the shit people say to me when I mention I want to file for disability. My parents,friends, and boyfriend all say something along the lines of “ you’re fine just get a easy job” “ you don’t quality for disability you just ant to lay around all day” etc. it really breaks my heart and makes me feel so bad that I can’t talk to ANYBODY when I’m sick or feeling sad and want to vent. Something that kind of makes me mad if that my boyfriends mom has a virus that she is fine most of the time but sometimes gets really sick as has to go get blood transfusions and medications in the hospital and stuff and my boyfriends dad keeps her from working and everyone is all over helping her but yet when I have a flare up and having s lot of nausea and abdominal pains and all these other symptoms people tell me to take a tums and get up. Like I have a diagnosis of serious stuff too just because the doctors don’t ever want to keep me in the hospital doesn’t mean it’s not serious. If I’m being honest the times I go to the hospital for pain the doctors treat me like I’m looking for drugs or tell me that I’m “just constipated and drink some water”. Like the way everyone has been treating me has been bringing me down so much and there’s no way of escaping it. 

Part two: I don’t know why my health is so bad for more than half of my life

Ever since I was 9 I’ve been in pain starting with my periods. I was put on birth control and it’s helped a lot so that’s hardly one of my issues now. When I was around 13 that’s when my stomach problems started and now that I’m 20 years old two doctors think I have multiple sclerosis and I’m going to see a neurologist next month. It’s been really hard for me to deal with being in pain all the time since I was young but I feel like I’m almost accustomed to the pain that I don’t show it so much on the outside. Especially when it comes to my nausea I’m nauseous every single day and usually I don’t complain about it because I’ve been nauseous every day for years only when it gets really bad I’ll lay down or hunch over. At least every other day I get abdominal cramps or pains in my stomach or the urge to vomit. My stomach problems have lead to other issues like malnutrition and other stuff. Recently I’ve been having neurological problems that have been scaring me I’ve been getting a lot of numbness on anywhere on my body that pressure is applied. Even for less than a minute my body part won’t even get pins and needles feeling it’ll just go straight up NUMB like can’t move my fingers or my arm or leg feels really heavy shit even my butt goes numb when I’m sitting on a hard chair or if I lean over a table to grab something or do something for a few seconds my arm or hand will start to go numb. Even when I’m sleeping and I’m laying on top of my pinky it’ll go numb. I’ve been getting these shocks of pain in my left hand that make me drop stuff or even have to let go of the steering wheel when I’m driving. I have these lingering headaches mostly behind my eyes or like one side of my head. I have a lot of trouble sleeping and my vision isn’t blurry sometimes it’s hard to focus and I’ve been having these black specks in my vision and lastly I lose my breath really easily and my heart rate shots up for doing any little thing even just shampooing my hair I be breathing heavy and feeling my heart beat in my neck and chest like I feel like I’m going to pass out… and two of my doctors think it’s multiple sclerosis. I just don’t get why I can’t live a normal active life. I used to go kayaking on my good days and it used to make me soooo happy and relaxed even thought I’d be really fatigued from all of the movement kayaking in the springs was my passion and the only thing to completely take my mind off of how sick I felt. Now that I live in Texas and I’m almost having these neurological symptoms I don’t think I would even be able to go kayaking at all there’s no springs to go kayaking here anyways but and I just sit at home all day and feel depressed.

Part 3: worried about my future

I know I can’t go to school because I have a really hard time focusing,concentrating, or remembering things I would fail. In elementary school all the way through sophomore year of highschool( before I left to homeschooling because of my chronic illness) I’ve always had a really hard time with school with attendance and keeping up my grades. I’ve recently lost two jobs in a row because of my attendance because once again my chronic illness and I just worry what I’m going to do for the rest of my life. I’m not going to college because I know I can’t handle it and I don’t want to go back to work because clearly I can’t hold a job and my doctor himself told me it might be best to not work to keep my stress down. I just feel so lazy but when I force myself to try and be productive and do things when my body doesn’t let me I end up getting sicker for longer and it’s really frustrating. I’ve already mentioned how my boyfriend told me how in our future he’s not going to let me lay around all day because he wants me to get up and do things which i understand I don’t want to put the burden on him for everything but it’s like my BODY WONT LET ME. my dad is fully disabled and he lays around all day and watches TV and sleeps all day and people don’t bother him but when I mention getting disability I’m just “lazy” and “fully capable of working but just don’t want to” I just really don’t know.

Part 4: losing my job recently and wanting to get disability

So in November I started a receptionist job. I specifically applied for this job because I figured it would be low stress and I would be able to sit and basically have it accommodate with my illnesses. Well I was wrong because that job had me stressed out every. Single. Day whether it was rude clients, my rude and condescending co workers, having to wake up at 4-6am depending on the shift, constantly being called in on my days off, having to get up and run around the building looking for stuff for a client or one of the doctors, etc. every day I would come home pissed off and complain to my boyfriend and the almost three months I worked there I had probably around four panic attacks at work because of the situations and stress I was put under. Recently I’ve been having neurological problems on top of gastroparesis flare ups and before my 90 days I missed three weeks of work whether it was because I was sick and couldn’t make it to work or had a doctors appointment, in the hospital etc. Nobody ever wanted to switch shifts with me so I always just had to miss work and I brought a doctors note for every day I missed. Right before my 90 days ended they let me go which is kind of a relief but now I have no money coming in and bills to pay. I’m thinking about applying for disability but I’m waiting to get my possible multiple sclerosis diagnosed before I start going through the process. My last job was working as a technician in an animal hospital and it was wayyy too stressful and active for me a dog pulled me so hard my wrist and back were fucked up and I had to miss work for four days and go to the doctors and chiropractors. I had to lift up dogs that weighed up to 50/60 pounds and that also fucked up my back on two occasions because I’m really skinny and when I try to lift with my legs they shake and give out. I would be bruised up from restraining dogs and they barely bump into me and I get a painful red and purple bruise. I’m too “fragile” to handle the naughty big dogs that would pull me to hard and then once again rude co workers and rude clients that gave me a ton of anxiety and stress. My doctor told me himself I should leave that job and that’s when I went for the receptionist job and it was just as bad. I mostly want to get disability because I feel like I’m not reliable to keep a job with doctors appointments and flare ups that I have and I feel like at the reception job I couldn’t handle the easiest of shit my memory is so terrible I got in trouble for fucking up a handful of situations and was actually called “dumb” by a co worker. Not to mention the stress of having to somewhat argue with my boss that I can’t come to work on so many days because I’m going to the doctors or calling out because I feel so sick and having to tell them I’m going to the doctor tomorrow so I can’t come in or I’m in the emergency room and been here for nine hours and it’s already 2am and still here I won’t be able to come to work tomorrow etc. So yeah idk we will see but there’s no way I’m putting myself back in that situation. Now that I get to lay down and relax and a majority of stress is cut from my life I’ve been feeling better but still not by any means I’m completely fine I’m still sick everyday but the stress was making me way sicker.

[madllamamomma]

Sooooo fun story time yet again:

It’s about how I got roped into taking my mother-in-law 8 hours away in a different state, JUST THE TWO OF US, so she could get a some weird treatment.

M-kay! (Yes I am a little tipsy but I have been with her for three and a half days total, and I am not working, soooo— STFU 😂....😭).

So, it all started with an MRI— apparently there is a IV contrast dry that they give to see your arteries/veins, which is good. HOWEVER, they can actually stay in your body afterwords and give some people issues, my mother in law was one of those people. I am a terrible person because for a long time I didn’t believe her and I am in the medical setting myself (I’m not a nurse, I’m in occupational therapy, but still.... I feel a little guilty). She said she was complaining of short term memory issues, slightly pain, fatigue, brain fog, etc. But I really thought it was a part of her getting older (she’s 65 keep in mind). But apparently this shit is a real thing, and me and my husband are buttholes.

So, she had to go to a different state to get treatment for this shit to get out of her body. My husband and his brother was too busy with work and she’s also recently divorced.

So then, that left me. Who didn’t really have another better to do, I just didn’t feel like it. Like c’mon, Who the FUCK willingly wants to spend 3 days alone with their mother-in-law who used to low key hate you (one time in college she PRINTED out the gym times for my campus and gave them to me, “You should go.” T__T..... I can’t make this shit up.)

Anyways! —So I was slightly guilted into going by my husband and brother-in-law. Yes, it really was an eight hour car ride, sixteen all together....

But we both surprisingly had a really good time and felt safe in the city that we were in. They really were good about following precautions and rules about Covid, So that was good. But I am sooo exhausted at the same time trying to keep her entertained and whatnot.

I am happy to be home and with my husband and doggo and plan to just be lazy for a few days. 🥰

Sorry for the rant/long story, everyone! 😂

So I’m going out of town for a few days—may not be respond to everything just a heads up!

Please don’t think I hate any of you precious trash pandas! I love you all, I am just gonna be busy—that’s all!!

😅😘

[chapterxxv]

53-minute catch up

Saturday: my planned Valentine’s day celebration for myself. Was a super success. Sleep-deprived but easy drive to Chicago (satisfying my recent desire to drive fast, blast my music, and feel the wind in my face because of the temporarily-improved weather, though my windows stayed down this morning.) Picked up Oscar for breakfast at a fancy, delicious place (Stax Cafe) and he bought me and Kelly flowers! <3 he insisted on buying breakfast (tried lavender lemon pancakes!--not bad.) And our conversation was just what I needed. (I was already leaning towards not bringing Kelly because last time she kept talking about herself so I didn’t get to connect with Oscar, and this week, she was already very much immersed in her own world--not a great sign. The unfortunate circumstances (working back-to-back and then spending the day after her shift taking care of Ethan at the hospital after he attempted suicide D:) prevented her from joining.) I really needed someone impartial and collected to hear me out on my career-life choices, so Oscar and I discussed this big aspect in my life pretty much the entire time. And when I shared about struggling with not reaching out to Eric, he was the sweetest, offering I message him instead and he will buy me shit haha. He even offered to buy me a flight to CA. It was a shared conversation--hearing about his work/life experiences and choices and reasoning and aspirations. I also really need to get my headspace out of just me, me, me. And it was perfect. To get to just be and share yourself, understanding there is no comparison to be made. Just to care for one another. Oscar, I don’t think you know how much you provide for me. Thank you. After breakfast, I went to DSW since I’ve been wanting a pair of booties (they’re a staple in any place where you can’t just wear flip-flops all year round xD) ever since borrowing Kelly’s suuuper cute pair! Well, I didn’t find exactly what I wanted. But I left with a very comfortable--Dr. Scholl’s--pair for everyday and a sexier, thin-heeled pair for going out! Then I went to pick up Kelly; got to see Ethan in passing. His face showed signs of asphyxiation and when I asked what happened, he said that his friend choked him and it was a long story and he would tell me the whole thing when I got back. Later Kelly explained that Ethan was being bullied at school and had a suicidal ideation and attempted to jump out of his window and his friend caught him in a headlock--hence the asphyxiation. Kelly and I went to my tattoo appointment with Emily at Metamorph. I enjoy her work and my first thought upon meeting her was she’s cute. I know I wasn’t the easiest client but she was fantastic in making suggestions, getting to understand what I was looking for, and ultimately executing it. I love my tat. Then Kelly and I hung out next door at Wormhole Coffee until our nail appointment. Our wait there was tedious but my nail tech was nice--clearly very busy, running the show, one of the better techs, and relatively-conversational. I am also really enjoying how my nails look. It started snowing, so I dropped Kelly off and got to partake in many warm hugs with Serina and Kelly before taking off. They’re just practically family to me and I love them. I am so fortunate. Driving home was rough with the weather, extra-dumb drivers, and the exhaustion hitting hardcore. I made it home and decided against going out to the guys’ birthday bash (I really miss them and it would’ve been super fun), and instead went to bed before 9pm. I needed this. It was excellent. No regrets.

Thursday: sucked ass. Chronologically, things started going downhill fast the night before. V-day was fine, I was happy to be single for once and enjoyed the experience--almost valuing the holiday more than usual. But as evening rolls around, somehow I get this intense impulse to message Eric. Well, I think this when I last posted. So you get the gist. It sucked. I couldn’t fall asleep until midnight because I was emotionally distressed. So Thursday started off with physical and emotional fatigue. Morning was fine but off-routine. I got my oil changed and attended a faculty candidate talk. Sayan messaged me midday to say he couldn’t make our regular meeting Friday, so we agreed to meet around 2ish. He was late. While waiting for him, I was chatting with Beef and Jenifer. Beef invited me to join him and Will for a Udacity ML course. I was down but wanted to make sure it wasn’t something requiring a commitment. His response was terrible. It was harsh, and I confronted him about it. He never owned up nor seemed to really hear me out nor respect/take seriously my feelings and values here. I will attach the conversation later. Sayan showed up at almost 3pm, even though I told him I had something at 3pm. He had a lot to say too. And early on he slipped into “You should stay this summer, I know you’re looking at internships.” I was going to bring this up eventually but we were talking about research, and so I told him about Aerospace. Then it went into a longer discussion. And then back to research, bigger picture type stuff. So it was heavy, stressful, and a lot of pushback involved. I ran out of that around 3:15. To meet with a postdoc at Hammerhead. I felt so bad for being this late to meet with a stranger and thought he gave up on waiting when I got there and he was nowhere to be seen for at least 5 minutes. I thought we’d talk about research ideas. But he kept asking career-related questions that were more personal and never went into any detail about his work. I also felt bad because I had a meeting at 3:45pm for CSLSC (which was only 15 min early per my suggestion because I couldn’t stay for the entire 4pm meeting because I was meeting Meredith at 4:30pm.) Needless to say, I was late for CSLSC. While walking back to CSL with postdoc, he asked to get dinner and hangout and I gave him the benefit of the doubt, saying I’d be open to that but definitely not anytime soon because I’m too busy. And he caught me off guard asking if I had a boyfriend or something. *facepalm* I’m ashamed I choked out a funny yes. But I did follow up saying, I’d be down to hangout but as colleagues. Him: “okay great, yes, as friends” *facepalm* At CSLSC meeting, things quickly escalated between James and I (probably in 5minutes?). He snapped at me, “you don’t need to tell me all the things you’re not going to do.” He shouldn’t have been angry but I acknowledge I was not delivering my no’s well either. I allowed my growing frustration/annoyance with the team to taint my professionalism. I was still right to make clear my needs and my availability--it is unfair to be given work so last minute and unorganized requests and flip-flopping requests frequently, and I am too busy to accommodate all of this. I did a poor job of trying to ask them to collect all the info at once so I could take care of it more efficiently/effectively. But like I said, it escalated quickly. A few minutes later (after he and Tarek just asked me to change something, I did it, only to get the other one saying they wanted it the other way <-- prime example of the BS I have to deal with), in pointing this out, James basically yelled at me (at this point in front of a dozen other people) that yes things are stressful and constantly changing, the conference is NEXT WEEK, we’re all stressed, can you handle this Nicole? Can you do this? Yeah. I wanted to slap him, say fuck you I’m done with your bullshit, and walk out. I took a couple seconds to stay calm, look him dead in the eyes, and say yes. I can. I will get this done. And I will, I will work out this upcoming week. Then I fast-walked to Bene to meet Meredith. Of course she wanted to talk about us taking over GradSWE/weSTEM next year. It was fine. It was the last thing I wanted to think about or commit too. I told her the stance I had already developed. We walked to Galentine’s together. I didn’t really want to go anymore after feeling so shitty. But I did and fortunately it was just us and Steph and she brought soooo many deliciousss goodies. I stuffed my face with 2 plates full of sugar. I was fine with staying because I didn’t have to put up a fake wall. Meredith left for SWE GM, and it was just us and Sam and Megan. Also supes chill. They gently opened up the space to vent--which I desperately needed and was looking for already. I ended up crying when I described the CSLSC meeting. Fucking hell. But sooooo grateful for them listening and then comforting me and then sharing their own views/experiences. And then eventually talking about other people again--thank God. Again I don’t want to focus on me all the fucking time. I went to the gym after that and felt a little better. Spencer was kind enough to offer an ear to listen. I ended up meeting up with him and his friends at Barrelhouse for Hannah’s birthday (saw Steph again there--more cupcakes!) So I didn’t get to bed until nearly midnight again. Emil also texted me that Brian shared I was having a hard day and wanted to make sure I was okay. Thanks friends <3