#but like in a more emotional way rather than physical
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I think I'm in the "conscious incompetence" stage of being a social animal in the real world and it sucks so majorly. bro what do you do after you realize you're bad at socializing and then in-person interaction gets harder because you know you're failing at it now.
#Robin processes emotions on main#I WANT to get good at socializing#I used to be better and I'm now worse >:[#in some ways. in some ways I've improved (e.g. am kinder). but I used to have more confidence and an easier time staying present#now I'm always shutting down and running away#literally I leave the room and go calm down in my room#I want to learn to regulate that impulse and become a chill person to hang out with. but How#I've been struggling lately with punishing myself for running away (not physically but with like. spirals of self-recrimination)#I think one good step would be to get mindful about praising myself for small steps again. I'll change faster if im kinder to myself#also I think seeking reassurance from the people I'm around more often even if it seems silly would be good#ALSO. a major problem I'm facing is that I am living with my parents. and my little sisters. and I don't... I... it's rough.#I used to parent my 15 (then 9) y/o little sister when my parents were gone and I still struggle with feeling Responsible For Her#so every time she's a little cringe I end up feeling like it's my fault and I'm gonna be punished for it and I don't know how to deal with#—how to deal with it#BIG SIGH#I'm TRYING to become a good adult who can help others rather than just living in desperate self-defensive survival mode forever#but it's so hard bro#and another issue is that I'm growing further and further apart from my parents' fundamentalist brand of Christianity#and feeling more and more incapable of making friends and bringing them to visit me. because I have to be perfect around my parents#how can I make friends if I can't offer them hospitality??#how can I be a fully realized adult if I have to hide in plain sight??#I need to move out so bad. even if I'm lonely at first I HAVE to move out#in related news my seasonal job is Over and I'm looking for full-time work! please pray for me if you're the praying type or just#send me encouraging words#that would help#<33333 I will be ok it's just a bad situation rn
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Party Banter with Rook!Blackwall
Harding: You know, for a moment back there, I thought you might actually get through to Solas.
Thom: Regret’s something we have in common. I thought… if I reached out to him, told him I understood what guilt drives you to do…
Harding: But no. ‘Do not compare your regrets with mine, Thom Rainier!’
Thom: He’s right, though. He can at least say he did his crimes trying to stop tyrants. I did mine for coin.
Harding: Uh, yeah, and then you faced up to it and decided no one else was going to get hurt for it except you. Solas is right. He’s nothing like you.
—
Lucanis: Do we have a problem, Warden Rainier?
Thom: You kill people. For gold.
Lucanis: I do. Venatori. Blood mages. The political rivals of those who hired me.
Thom: And that’s enough for you? Someone flashes a purse, and you’re ready to murder over some nobles’ spat over which of them gets the bigger fancy house?
Lucanis: Depends on the size of the purse.
—
Bellara: Um, so, about the mayor of D'Meta's Crossing? I just… do you really want someone like that? In the Wardens, I mean.
Thom: I won’t defend him. But he wouldn’t be the first Warden who let innocent people die for gold, and got another chance from the Order.
Bellara: He doesn’t deserve it. Like, really, really doesn’t deserve it.
Thom: No. Neither did I.
—
Thom: Do you ever get people trying to bribe you? To look the other way, or drop a case, or...
Neve: It's Minrathous. If I took even half the bribes I've been offered, I could buy an estate in Hightown.
Thom: It takes a special kind of strength to resist that.
—
Thom: I got a letter from Sera the other day. Don’t ask me how she got it to the Lighthouse.
Harding: ‘Friends’, I bet. And hey - she dealt with the Fade for you! So what'd she say?
Thom: Well, there was a lot of calling Solas a shite-faced arseknuckle. And then she told me not to get killed, or she’d yank my beard ‘til my head came off.
Harding: Aw.
—
Lucanis: Rainier, I do not knife civilians. Everyone I have killed has been embedded in politics. Their hands are never clean.
Thom: And you're sure you’ve never made a mistake? Never got a passer-by or a child caught in all the blades and arrows? Never gone in without knowing everything, and got someone hurt?
Lucanis: Of course not. I’m a professional.
Thom: You’re a mercenary with a cape.
—
Thom: You could’ve left Dock Town. A mage. Talented. You could’ve gone anywhere, chased a better life.
Neve: If I left, I’d be abandoning people who never got that choice. I’m good where I’m at.
Thom: I hope you know how admirable that makes you.
Neve: Not that admirable. If I got that estate in Hightown? Too far to walk to Hal’s fish stand.
Thom: (laughs) Good priorities.
—
Davrin: So, Rainier. Heard a lot of rumours about how you joined the Wardens.
Thom: (uneasy noise) You know, Warden Blackwall told me your past gets forgotten after the Joining.
Davrin: A nice ideal, but it never stands up to the gossip. But you’ve shown your worth.
Thom: Enough for me to have one of those griffons when we rescue them, d’you reckon?
Davrin: (laughs) We’ll see.
—
Thom: I knew someone like Manfred once. He was a spirit, but he sort of… grew his own body.
Emmrich: Oh! A spontaneous incarnation! Do you happen to know what kind of spirit he was?
Thom: Uh… the kind that looks like a young man, but reads minds and flits about trying to make everyone feel better about themselves?
Emmrich: Ah, Compassion! A rather more advanced emotion than Curiosity, and therefore capable of manifesting a physical body, rather than needing to adopt a vacant one.
Thom: More advanced? Right. That explains why Cole used to talk to me about living with the weight of regret, and Manfred spent ten minutes yesterday poking my face to see if my beard came off.
—
Neve: So, you know Dorian?
Thom: Does anyone who’s been in the same room as him for thirty seconds get a choice about knowing Dorian?
Neve: And didn’t always get along, I take it.
Thom: He’s… he’s not so bad. We might’ve judged each other by first impressions back when we met.
Neve: And what’s your impression now?
Blackwall: Still too fancy for his own good. But it says exactly who he is that he’s fighting against slavers and blood mages. I think I got the better deal with the darkspawn.
—
Taash: I heard the Inquisitor turned into a dragon.
Thom: No, she… didn’t. But she did get one to fight with us once.
Taash: She did? What kind? How’d she do it?
Thom: Sort of… gold? And she drank from this pool of elven magic, and… that somehow let her ask it to help us. I think.
Taash: Did she ride it into battle?
Thom: Uh… No.
Taash: Oh. I would’ve ridden it into battle.
—
Thom: Emmrich, do you know what those demons were the other day? The ones that wouldn’t leave me alone?
Emmrich: Ah. Those were manifestations of Shame. A variant of the Despair spirit.
Thom: Right. Don’t know what I expected.
Emmrich: If it’s any consolation, I find that one can tell much more about a person from the more benign spirits that gather around them. I catch glimpses of them about you often. Valour. Fortitude. Honour.
Thom: I hope to be worthy of them.
—
Thom: Lucanis, have you ever regretted any of your kills?
Lucanis: Not so far.
Thom: So this is what you’re fine with being? A man who takes nobles’ money and lives in luxury with your bloodied hands? That's the life you chose?
Lucanis: Not ‘chose’, exactly. It is what I was trained to be since my childhood.
Thom: Wait. You were – who trains a child to be an assassin?
Lucanis: You met my grandmother.
—
Davrin: You held up pretty well in the last fight, Rainier. For an old man.
Thom: Whelp like you’d better watch what he says around a senior Warden.
Davrin: Why? You’ll tell me to do the fifty press-ups that your creaky bones can’t handle?
Thom (laughs) I’ll stop letting you borrow my best chisel.
—
Bellara: Hey, um, Thom? You know that little rocking griffon you made? Could you make, I don’t know, a bigger one? Like… adult… person-sized?
Thom: (chuckles) You never have a rocking griffon growing up?
Bellara: No! They’re not a Dalish thing! Because you can’t really rock. When the aravel’s moving, I mean. So… no, it’s a dumb idea. Forget I said anything.
Thom: You want me to make it a rocking halla?
Bellara: Yes please thank you.
—
Emmrich: How far you must have travelled, with both the Inquisition and the Wardens!
Thom: I like being on the road. Keeps a man honest.
Emmrich: I rather envy your fearlessness of the wider world. It’s so recent that the end of the Circles allowed me to travel freely outside the Necropolis.
Thom: Must have been freeing. Having the whole world suddenly open to you.
Emmrich: And rather overwhelming, I must admit. When I compare myself to you – a brave Warden, combatting the Blight across all of Thedas…
Thom: Trust me: compare the two of us, and that’s the only way I’ll come out better from it.
—
Thom: We fought quite a few dragons in the Inquisition. Almost got eaten once by some pissed-off beast in the Hinterlands. Kept throwing its dragonlings at us.
Taash: Fereldan Frostbacks are crappy mothers. First sign of trouble, and it’s ‘here! Take my children!’
Thom: (laughs) The worst was the lightning-spitter off the Storm Coast. Spent twenty minutes hacking away at its scales, rest of my team unconscious on the ground.
Taash: Wait - you what? That's not how you fight dragons. You can't just stand there and hit them. That's stupid. And boring.
—
Lucanis: It’s how the Crow Houses work. Children of the House lineage are trained from our infancy.
Thom: Andraste’s fucking tits.
Lucanis: It’s necessary. If Illario and I had been coddled… Caterina pushed us hard and young, because she wanted us to survive.
Thom: I don’t… (sighs) The things people do to children.
—
Harding: I never thought to ask - how come Varric changed your nickname?
Thom: I asked him to go with something else. 'Hero'... that was a name he gave to Blackwall.
Harding: Well, he chose the right name. You know, 'cause Rooks move in straight lines. And you charge right in there, don't mess around with fancy words, just hit things til they drop. You could say you're -
Thom: Don't do it, Lace.
Harding: Straightforward.
Thom: (chuckles) You're as bad as Sera.
—
Emmrich: Master Rainier, I wanted to say – I hope you know that you’re the only person here who looks at you with any harshness.
Thom: I – (sighs) You don’t know everything about me.
Emmrich: I would never claim to. But I know that you place yourself before your allies and the defenceless without hesitation and with utter selflessness. I know you understand your Warden oath better than many of your superiors. I know that you are a good man.
Thom: … I wish I knew what it was like to be you. Seeing the good in everyone, living or dead.
Emmrich: Then I hope you’ll permit me continue to see the good in you – until you can see yourself as I do.
#in which blackwall starts to have a very belated bisexual awakening#datv#da:tv#rookwall au#blackwall#i promise he and lucanis will get a better relationship :'D#but we know from his and dorian's bickering that he can be very judgmental on first impressions#and lucanis is reminding him too much of his younger self. they even look kind of alike!#will probably write more!#sky's writing#veilguard spoilers#datv spoilers
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and i watch your demons cause me trauma
synopsis: becoming the infamous, queen bee’s girlfriend was not on your bingo card in high school
pairings: baek harin x fem!reader
cw: power imbalance, toxic!harin(as if she’s not already lol), suggestive, pet names
a/n: this song is mainly about y/n and Harin’s relationship rather than the game itself and the other characters!
being a new girl was not easy. catching the eye of a psychopath was a whole other ordeal. you and suji happened to be new girls together. you two ended up becoming best friends up until the 13th pyramid game. she was an F rank and you happened to be D ranked..which was odd considering you were new just like her. the next day came around and you watched the way that she had got treated by the bullies. the taunting, the laughter, and the physical pain of it got to your head.
luckily within the next pyramid game, she went up by two levels. the both of you ended up leveling up to C ranks. everything was going great until you caught Harin’s eye. you and suji knew of her but you never really got a chance to have a conversation with her, that was until she called you down to the principal’s office.
you complied and headed down to see what the principal wanted, not knowing that Harin called you. you open the door to see Harin smoking a cigarette, softly smirking.
“hi, y/n.” she says, her eyes beaming in happiness
“u-uh hi.” you ask and she smiles. harin walks up to you, looking at you with unreadable gaze. she softly runs her fingers through your hair. “such a pretty pup.” she mumbles to herself
“w-what?” you ask and she giggles a bit. “you’re pretty, wanna hang out?” she asks, she stares at you as if you can’t say no.
“sure.” you softly mumble. she walks up to you, throwing the cigarette on the floor and she steps on it. she leans towards your ear and whispers, “pretty pup. im gonna have so much fun with you.” she chirps before walking out of the office, leaving you alone.
“what the fuck did i just get myself into?” you ask yourself
————————————
the day comes to an end, fairly quickly. before you know it, you’re already over Harin’s house. she leads you up to her lavish bedroom. her whole room is the size of your apartment. you awkwardly sit on her bed, waiting for her to say something as she eyes you with another unreadable expression.
“so, y/n..are you and suji a thing?” she asks and your face starts to heat up. “no, we’re just best friends. why do you ask?” you ask.
“i was just curious..date me.” she says out of the blue
“huh?” you ask, in shock and she smiles. “date me.” she simply says
“is that a question or a command?” you ask and she laughs, finally an emotional response from her.
“im asking, silly.” she says, coming a bit closer to you. “o-ok.” you say.
if you become her girlfriend then maybe you could get her to stop this god awful game.
—————————
it’s been months since that convo with harin and the relationship isn’t bad at all. in fact, it’s going really great. of course, woo yi won’t leave your girlfriend alone but she’s not interested in her bullshit. there have been two more games since you and harin started dating. you and suji’s relationship have drifted because she figured that you were on Harin’s side, which was wrong.
you and harin often have sexcapades in her mother’s office. she loves the thrill of potentially getting caught being in between your legs and vice versa. which leaves you to the situation now.
you’re sitting on the desk and she’s in between your legs, giving you a long kiss. the kiss is possessive and passionate, she grips the sides of your skirt while you wrap your legs around her waist.
you pull away and she looks at you in confusion. “h-harin..?” you ask. “yes, puppy? is there something wrong?” she asks and you shake your head.
“can you stop the games..i-i don’t like seeing our classmates being bullied.” you mumble and she grips your chin harshly, forcing a strained whine to come out of you. she looks into your eyes, a cold gaze makes its way onto her face. “a-ah- harin you’re hurting.” you whisper. “did suji put you up to this shit? Huh? Answer me!” she exclaims and you shake your head. “N-no unnie, I promise.” you say, defending yourself. all of a sudden, you feel a sting creep its way onto your right cheek, you grab your face in pain and tears spill out of your eyes, you came to the conclusion that she smacked some “sense” into you.
“talk about the game again and I’ll kill you. Do you understand me, puppy?” she says sternly, pulling out a cigarette.
“y-yes I understand unnie..” you reply and she starts to wipe your tears. “god y/n, you drive me crazy.” she mumbles, drawing a long puff of her cigarette.
“you’re my pretty puppy, you’re an A rank and you’re my girlfriend. stop worrying about those lower ranks and focus on me. I’ll protect you and keep you safe, ok?” she says and you nod your head. she throws her cigarette somewhere around the room and grabs your face to kiss your lips. you kiss back and she pulls away from you.
“now. can i get back to my lunch, hmm pup?” she asks, lowering herself to your aching core.
from that day forward, needless to say, you never asked her to end the games again. it was some sick and twisted game that you couldn’t escape, however, she kept her promise by protecting you.
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How They Are During Sex/Favorite Positions
Pairings: Francis Crozier x Reader, John Franklin x Reader, James Fitzjames x Reader, Henry Goodsir x Reader
Warnings: nsft, silly stuff, mentions of k*nks
a/n: clearly i’m the only person carrying the terror (both the show and the ship) from death. no one writes fanfics for the REAL hoes (us, the readers). but dw. god put me on the terror so the true, grimy mfs can finally be unleashed and be free 🗣️‼️send in any requests you have for the terror while they're still in my grasp 😼
i love gnawing on these men like my own personal chew toys GRRRR BARK BARK 🐕
Francis Crozier:
Cowgirl.
Old man doesn’t have much energy in him, we know this.
At first he’ll have his hands on your hips as you ride him, but within a few minutes his head is thrown back, eyes shut as he lets out strings of curses.
If Francis is drunk and had a particularly hard day, he would be inebriated and inclined enough to use you as a urinal--whether that’s in your mouth or on your body, is up to you. He’s probably too drunk to notice, but he’s aware enough to get hard and want to stick it in you.
Might dabble in the whole Daddy kink, but you’ll be the one bringing it up to him--or rather, it might’ve slipped out when you were drunk on him one night. It invigorates him, makes him feel like he’s finally in charge of something. He won’t pound into you, but his grip on your skin would be tighter, he would probably grunt in your ear and praise you like an actual father would. sobs
Old man knocks out after he comes. After care is him lying heavy on your body as he’s fast asleep. When he wakes up--possibly in horror and excitement--he’ll rush to clean up and prepare a sweet breakfast filled with bashful apologies for his behavior the night before behavior that will repeat.
John Franklin:
Religious man. But what a fucking freak.
I don’t need to tell you that he’s into that Daddy shit. Ofc he is.
Really into roleplay too. Some nights, you’ll pretend to be the demon that corrupts the Virtuous Saint™ that he is, other nights he’ll be your priest “cleansing” you of your sins.
Depending on the roleplay, you might end up on top of him, beneath him, or on your knees.
John usually ends the night in missionary, he wants to watch your eyes overcome with your own lust, how your face screws as you come around his own cock, the way your chest exhales its last breath as you fall completely still.
A sweet kiss on your forehead--”You’re so good to me.”
James Fitzjames:
A Fucking Freak™.
He’s in his physical prime, of course he’s getting freaky with you.
Angry sex, yearning sex, passionate sex, quickies; whatever he can have he’ll take, and then he’ll beg for some more.
His best ideas actually come from his time shared with you--unfortunately for you, as his mind snaps from passion and comes to the fruition of something that would save the crew, but you can’t be mad at him for too long.
Every position is his favorite position. In the beginning, he won’t care for the sentimentality of it since you both were chasing after a release, but as the relationship progresses and the meetings become frequent, he might opt for a sweet night instead of the usual 5-minute quickie.
He likes you, like, like like, but he bites his tongue and bates his breath waiting for the moment to let you know when you both finally make it to the other side of this thing. He doesn’t want to confess and leave you haunted with the love of a dead man. He doesn’t know that you’d rather wrap yourself in the warmth of a past confession than agonize over what could’ve been.
Henry Goodsir:
Sex to him is a very sacred and intimate act--more emotional to him than anyone else. His heart is a melting pot, everything you do makes his head spin. It would be a while before the two of you ever see each other naked. But when you finally reach that point…oh brother, get ready for those love letters 🙄 /lh
You probably are his first. Most likely his last. I don’t think he’ll ever get over you, especially not if you reciprocated the intensity and fullness of his love. He is permanently marked by you, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
I don’t think any man could ever love you the way Henry loves you. No one will ever love you the way he does--both a comfort, and a tragedy.
Missionary. Always. He just wants to look in your eyes--both as a reassurance that you want this, but also as a confirmation that you do actually love him, that your connection is real and not some made-up fantasy in his mind used to cope.
You will forever be a work of art to him. He handles you with such care and warmth--he won’t treat you like a fragile piece of glass, but rather an oil painting as he grazes his fingers across your skin, picking up on the traces of paint left on the tips of his fingers.
Flesh pressed against flesh, he wants nothing more than to entangle himself with you-- to merge his body into yours, to be a piece of you forever, but doesn’t want to seem as “too much”, so he keeps these thoughts to himself and in his journal.
a/n: i hope you enjoyed! if you did, please consider reblogging since it helps my account! :)
DON'T BE A GHOST READER!!!! i would love to hear your thoughts and opinions, and comments are what keep writers going <3
#yns world#the terror#the terror amc#the terror x reader#the terror fanfic#the terror imagine#amc the terror#francis crozier#captain francis crozier imagine#captain francis crozier x reader#captain francis crozier#francis crozier x reader#jared harris imagines#jared harris x reader#jared harris imagine#sir john franklin#john franklin#sir john franklin x reader#john franklin x reader#captain james fitzjames#captain james fitzjames x reader#james fitzjames#james fitzjames x reader#dr henry goodsir#dr henry goodsir x reader#henry goodsir x reader#henry goodsir imagine#henry goodsir#james fitzjames imagine#john franklin imagine
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Omg you're right! I completely forgot about the fact that he tried to use it on Omega too
And I never realized it before but you're right! Soundwave does talk a bit more regularly than Omega does, but he certainly doesn't talk much. It's actually something that I wanted to talk about but I get worried people will think I'm being rude by pointing this out... a lot of people make Soundwave talk like that constantly with every single sentence and refer to himself in the third person when he really doesn't do that very often. I've noticed he mostly talks in the "whatever: whatever" format when he's giving orders to his Cassetticons or in battle. When he's talking to Megatron and the others though he just talks normally, albeit in a much more concise and formal way than the others. There's a scene in A Prime Problem (I think that's the episode) where he's explaining something to Megatron and he says like 4 or 5 sentences (I loved getting to hear him talk that much by the way 💚)
But yeah he definitely talks in the "whatever: whatever" format a lot too, don't get me wrong. Perhaps his speech was less affected than Omega Supreme's was- or maybe that's where his vocoder came from! Maybe the Robosmasher degraded his speech synthesizer itself more than his language processing, giving him a very unique voice (it makes me feel kinda bad for thinking his voice is beautiful and sexy, if that's how it came to be 😿). And Soundwave doesn't show much, if any, emotion so I think that theory fits like a glove!
Another bot who has a unique voice that I want to mention: Astrotrain! It's not as much so as Soundwave's or Omega Supreme but he's almost got... Two voices? Whenever he talks he has this high pitched one layered on it, almost like the opposite of how people make demon voice effects in Audacity. Though he doesn't show any other problems besides that so I'm thinking maybe his speech synthesizer suffered physical damage rather than being corrupted by the Robosmasher. What I'm thinking is he got punched or shot in the throat and it kinda broke his speaker a little.
Oh yeah for sure! You don't mess with Soundwave's cassettes and live to tell the tale.
Okay, so apparently Omega Supreme used to be friends with the Constructicons, before Megatron reprogrammed them to be Decepticons
I mean I’ve heard bits of this before, but now we’ve gotten to the episode proper (admittedly I may have stopped paying attention a bit though after writing this)
Another interesting dynamic I’d say. Though I mean, I suppose I can understand why it doesn’t get used, since Omega Supreme’s incredibly powerful and having him around causes narrative problems. But I mean, I’d like to see it more
Also this episode reveals Megatron reprogrammed bots to become Decepticons, and that his brainwashing is permanent no matter what you do. And while we don’t know who’s gone through it, it’s entirely possible the Constructicons aren’t the only Decepticons we see that’s gone through it (I think Starscream’s too rebellious to have had it done)
Gotta say, pretty evil of Megatron. I mean yeah, he is evil and he’s done other bad things, but like, this on its own ranks him pretty high on the evil tier list
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i feel the need to point out that charles was probably the first person to ever make any attempts to protect edwin in any way, shape, or form. with the closed off nature of him and his emphasis on his ability to be independent, edwin probably had to look out for himself in the most tucked away, hidden way he knew.
charles never had anyone either, but this had the opposite effect. he put himself towards never letting the people he cared for not have anyone either. No one had protected him from his father, or from those boys, and he sure as hell won’t let edwin or crystal or anyone else go unprotected in the face of witches or assholes or anything stupid enough to try it.
charles doesn’t realize he’s got people protecting him too, now. just because he thinks he himself is his only protector, doesn’t mean it’s the truth, even if edwin and others aren’t as physically direct about it. they were eachothers’ first heroes.
#don’t even get me started on how edwin became a fighter for others too#but like in a more emotional way rather than physical#it’s so complicated#charles is a lover#dead boy detective agency#dead boy detectives#dbda#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace
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S E V E R A N C E
#my art#furry art#blood cw#i guess. just in case. i dont rrrrreally know how to tag this art haha its just personal emotions#i'm REALLY pleased with it as a digital collage piece. one of my fav mediums to work in#textures as always from unsplash as is my usual gameplan for sourcing them#if you want the meaning behind this piece its fairly simple#just a commentary on feelings of how a fight for freedom and self governance always hurts and is hard but you have to do it anyway#you will bite your leg and bleed to sever the string binding you but you will heal free rather than living this half life#this is about my own inner turmoil of struggling between the want to transition and the knowlege of how much of my current network i will#lose and how much my life will change in ways that will hurt.#it is also about some other personal feelings along these lines of conflicts of staying unhurt but not free or hurting but gaining freedom#but i dont really feel like getting into much more. i hope u enjoy the art tho#and please like. dont be a dick? about it? its the first piece ive been physically well enough to do in a while#so if you dont like it or you think its embarrasing or you want to make jokes just like. maybe dont? thank youuuuuu
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Something that is missing in a lot of the Trans Disc Horse around trans men and transmasculine people and the specific (but also not unique!) problems many face from society is this... particular terror many people have (yes, cis and trans) around people who look masculine but act feminine, particularly in that grey area of appearance where they don't look quite like a cis woman and don't look quite like a cis man and so must be up to something, because why else would you carry out that kind of deception rather than just be one or the other? The gender that we "are" and the gender that we're "pretending to be" vary wildly with the observer; the only constant is that discomfort and suspicion.
The people who've been overtly transphobic to me haven't done so on the basis that I'm a woman pretending to be a man -- their complaint was that I was too much of a man to be a woman. That I was a threat to them because of covert (not overt!) masculinity. These were not situations of "oh, assumed to be TMA until revealed to be TME and then the cis people apologized and fell all over themselves to retract their bigotry and suspicion" (which... never happens anyway? tf). I'm tall and big, but I don't bind, I'm not on HRT, I have prominent breasts, my voice is high, it is very obvious that I'm not a cisgender man, and yet their complaints were the same. "I don't want HER, SHE's a MAN!" (Actual quote.) These people don't give a shit that I have breasts and a uterus and a vagina and more estrogen than testosterone, they already know that I do; the imagined predatory penis in my pants is real and dangerous in their minds as an actual physical one.
I personally have sympathy for these people. Almost everyone I've had this reaction from have been cisgender women and girls who've had deeply traumatic experiences at the hands of men and see in me that which hurt them, only worse, because I don't fit clearly into the box of "man" or "woman". I recognize that this is not about me as a person, but rather a consequence of the pain and conditioning that came before me. It doesn't make it okay to take these things out on me, but even though it hurts, I choose not to take offense. Cisgender men, by and large, have neither cared nor paid attention to the subtle signals of my gendered appearance and presentation -- they tend to take me at face value, and I've gotten bro'd, brother'd, sir'd, and man'd far more often by men. (Which I recognize is NOT the experience of many transfeminine people, especially those who date men.)
I genuinely don't know how to characterize this kind of suspicion and aggression as anything other than a specific kind of transmisogyny -- not exactly as transfeminine people experience it, but close enough that it provides categorization for these experiences better than any other schema of societal oppression that we've come up with. It's not misogyny, it's not homophobia, it's not transmisandry, it's not exactly femmephobia, it is very specifically the prejudice against behaving like a woman but appearing like a man and the assumption that I must have some nefarious purpose for doing so. And there is not an inconsiderable extent to which my choice to currently not pursue HRT or present myself as a man rather than a "theyfab" is because I'm a pediatric nurse and I work with children in very physically and emotionally vulnerable situations and I'm afraid of getting more of these reactions than I already do. Do I get as many as one of my trans woman friends, who also works with children? No. But I've gotten more as I present more and more masculine, I'm sure that it would only increase as I progress further down the path of masculinization, and I suspect that my anxieties around further transition are not that far off from some of my transfem siblings and sisters in a similar position, even though according to prevailing trans theories our experiences should be exact opposites.
#also the fact that a LOT of trans men and transmasc people (regardless of actual orientation) are read as effeminate queer men#having known a lot of transmasc people... yeah. there IS a clocky aspect to many transmascs that's specifically behavioral#in a way that I think reflects many trans social circle's attitudes towards the evils of masculinity rather than some 'TME privilege'#(because it's not like effeminate queer men receive preferential treatment in society over conventionally masc 'straight' men!)#many transmasc people I've met tend to be more emotionally verbally and physically expressive than their cisgender counterparts#in a way that reads GAAAAAYYYYYYYY to said counterparts#because men in my society are expected to be emotionally and physically closed off and the range of accepted emotional expression is narrow#and I think a lot of transmasc people look at that and go 'ugh. that seems miserable.'#but the transfem people I know are also generally emotional effusive and expressive in a way that society reads as effeminate#so like... again. women are from venus and men are from mars is no more true of trans people than it is of cis people#society presents a binary but many people's experiences fall in logically impossible places on either side of that line#trans#gender#lgbtq+#faffing about with my thoughts#trans in healthcare
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one day i’m going to write an article about how yes all of my friends are online and no i don’t really want to meet them in person
#i have met one before#and guess what we don’t talk anymore#— unrelated but yknow still stands#but it’s basically for me & my ism#being around people is extremely taxing for me unless they’re my Person#(which is my partner tm)#it’s easier for me to mitigate my emotional responses to people when i don’t have to physically see them#i’m actually more talkative!!! online!!!!#than in real life#i’m less likely to be ignored or pushed out of conversations#i can have a Voice in ways i can’t idk#so no i don’t want to meet you in person bc our relationship is perfect like this#sometimes i do get hit with the longing#wanting to be around people irl#but it’s like#the price i have to pay bc all my irl friendships have blown up in my face and i’ve had very few online ones dk that so#i’d rather this than that yknow#about renjamin
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i feel like i should change zeros actual name... since I didn't know Isaac was a hebrew name... and dont wanna convey the wrong message... but goddamn does "isaac charles winslow" roll off the tongue.
#when i say it in a medieval announcer voice it just. sounds so right. best if you roll your r a bit too on charles.#my ocs#zero#ik realistically it shouldnt matter- but i have some conspiracy brained people in my life who stalk me on here and i dont want#any conservative for even a second to come under some delusion that zero has nothing to do with them and has something to do w jewish ppl#bc i promise he has EVERYTHING to do with specifically christian conservatives.#im sure my siblings and father would love to pretend hes just a metaphor for my mom and gma. im sure thats what they so badly#want to believe is the case. but guys. i promise. hes WAY more inspired by yall :^) LMAO#controlling physically abusive nature? my dad.#weird manipulative shit and convincing people to hate me? my sister.#and if you know me i probably dont need to explain how hes like my brother and also dont want to bc its disturbing.#treating animals like creatures they get to control and own and treat however? all of them#tendency to threaten violence to you specifically if they're abusing you to shut you up? all of them#mom might have some issues but quite frankly most of the issues she had im 95% sure she accidentally absorbed from my dad#maybe not the emotional expression issues but everything else? yeah...#and struggling with expressing emotions doesnt make her the most evil person on earth.#personally id rather be around someone who struggles to express their emotions than someone who might try to start a fight with me#to prove im actually a man#just saying.
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Writing Intimacy
i often see writers sharing a sentiment of struggling with writing kiss scenes which honestly bleeds into other portrayals of physical intimacy. i see it a lot in modernized styles of writing popularized by the recent trend in publishing to encourage short, choppy sentences and few adverbs, even less descriptive language. this makes intimacy come across awkward, like someone writing a script or clumsy recounting of events rather than a beautiful paragraph of human connection.
or just plane horniness. but hey, horny doesn't have to be mutually exclusive with poetic or sensual.
shallow example: they kissed desperately, tongues swirling and she moaned. it made her feel warm inside.
in depth example: she reached for the other woman slowly and with a small measure of uncertainty. the moment her fingers brushed the sharp, soft jaw of her companion, eliza's hesitance slid away. the first kiss was gentle when she finally closed the distance between them. she pressed her lips lightly to gabriella's in silent exploration. a tender question. gabriella answered by meeting her kiss with a firmer one of her own. eliza felt the woman's fingers curling into her umber hair, fingernails scraping along her scalp. everything inside eliza relaxed and the nervousness uncoiled from her gut. a warm buzz of energy sunk through her flesh down to the very core of her soul. this was right. this was always where she needed to be.
the first complaint i see regards discomfort in writing a kiss, feeling like one is intruding on the characters. the only way to get around this is to practice. anything that makes you uncomfortable in writing is something you should explore. writing is at its best when we are pushing the envelope of our own comfort zones. if it feels cringy, if it feels too intimate, too weird, too intrusive, good. do it anyway! try different styles, practice it, think about which parts of it make you balk the most and then explore that, dissect it and dive into getting comfortable with the portrayal of human connection.
of course the biggest part comes to not knowing what to say other than "they kissed" or, of course, the tried and true "their lips crashed and their tongues battled for dominance" 😐. so this is my best advice: think beyond the mouth. okay, we know their mouths are mashing. but what are their hands doing? are they touching one another's hair? are they scratching or gripping desperately at one another? are they gliding their hands along each other's body or are they wrapping their arms tightly to hold each other close? do they sigh? do they groan? do they relax? do they tense? are they comfortable with each other or giddy and uncertain? is it a relief, or is it bringing more questions? is it building tension or finally breaking it?
get descriptive with the emotions. how is it making the main character/pov holder feel? how are they carrying those emotions in their body? how do they feel the desire in their body? desire is not just felt below the belt. it's in the gut, it's in the chest, it's in the flushing of cheeks, the chills beneath the skin, the goosebumps over the surface of the flesh. everyone has different pleasure zones. a kiss might not always lead desire for overtly sexual touches. a kiss might lead to the desire for an embrace. a kiss might lead to the impulse to bite or lick at other areas. a kiss could awaken desire to be caressed or caress the neck, the shoulder, the back, the arms etc. describe that desire, show those impulses of pleasure and affection.
of course there is the tactile. what does the love interest taste like? what do they smell like? how do they kiss? rough and greedy? slow and sensual? explorative and hesitant? expertly or clumsily? how does it feel to be kissed by them? how does it feel to kiss them?
i.e. examine who these individuals are, what their motives and feelings are within that moment, who they are together, what it looks like when these two individuals come together. a kiss is not about the mouth. it's about opening the door to vulnerability and desire in one's entire body and soul.
#writing help#writing tips#writing advice#how to write#on writing#fanfic advice#writing#creative writing#writing process#roleplay advice#rp advice#rp tips#*shrugs* twitter discourse brought me here
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Sex Ed Time
ok I'm gonna tell you about some things that might happen if you are transitioning m->f. this is not a comprehensive list just my own experience, be sure to do your own research I just really wanted to voice how this affects me because I think open discussion about this type of stuff is just more helpful for everyone rather than keeping it private
BOOBS HURT WHEN THEY GROW
your sex drive (libido) will probably go down a lot
facial hair is very hard to get rid of
my go-to gender affirming clothing is high-waisted jeans. I suggest going to a goodwill or some sort of cheap store that lets you try on clothes to figure out what you like
muscle mass will go down, fat will be redistributed
boobs do all sorts of crazy stuff when you run / exercise
overtime your skin will get softer, you also might smell nicer, and I've been told it can thin body hair but I don't really see it all that much 🤷
your brain chemistry can change when you reduce testosterone and increase estrogen, there are lots of factors that contribute toward any changes to your personality, but hormones can have an impact as well. for me this is a good thing because I struggle with allowing myself to feel emotions sometimes, no matter how hard I tried I was never really able to get myself to cry. I've gotten closer to being able to cry since I started transitioning though and that makes me very happy
this is a slow process that can take several years, ultimately you're going to be in your body for several years regardless, so if this is something you want it's definitely something you should try to pursue if possible. the time will pass anyways, and it does feel nice to work towards something that can make you happier.
also this is very important, you don't need to do any sort of hormone replacement therapy in order to be trans. not everybody can access HRT, and for those who can access it, not everybody wants to take on all the changes that come with treatments. you don't have to chemically or physically change your body in any way in order to deserve respect
all right that's all I have for right now feel free to add anything in the comments, I would especially like to hear from trans men what your experiences have been, I think openly talking about these types of things can really help some people
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⛈️ //
#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing#so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anyway… just… …#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired#ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this#but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no ❤️#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? …im just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i ‘shoulsnt feel this way’#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as ‘woe is me’ bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them#to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & I’m not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar that’s just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation#im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well#& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldn’t. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins#joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when she’s upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.
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Writing Angry Scenes: Tips to Avoid Melodrama and Make It Real
Anger can be one of the most intense, relatable emotions to read—and one of the trickiest to write. When handled well, an angry scene can pull readers deep into the emotional world of a character, building tension and driving the story forward. But when handled poorly, anger can easily slip into melodrama, making the character’s feelings seem overblown, forced, or even cringe-worthy.
So how can you avoid these pitfalls and write anger that feels real and compelling? Here are some tips to make angry scenes powerful without overdoing it.
1. Understand What Fuels Your Character’s Anger
To write anger authentically, you need to understand its roots. People get angry for complex reasons—fear, frustration, betrayal, grief, and even love. Ask yourself what’s truly driving your character’s anger. Are they afraid of losing control? Do they feel abandoned or misunderstood? Are they hurt by someone they trusted? Anger rarely exists in isolation, so dig into the deeper emotions fueling it.
When you understand the core reasons behind a character’s anger, you can weave those nuances into the scene, making the anger more relatable and layered. Readers will feel the depth of the character's rage, not just the surface heat of it.
2. Show, Don’t Tell—But Don’t Overdo It
“Show, don’t tell” is classic writing advice, but it’s especially crucial in angry scenes. Don’t rely on generic phrases like “She was furious” or “He clenched his fists in anger.” Instead, look for unique ways to convey how this specific character experiences anger. Maybe their voice drops to a deadly calm, or their eyes narrow in a way that makes everyone around them uncomfortable.
That said, showing too much can backfire, especially with exaggerated descriptions. Over-the-top body language, excessive shouting, or too many “flaring nostrils” can tip the scene into melodrama. Use body language and physical cues sparingly and mix them with subtler reactions for a more realistic portrayal.
3. Use Dialogue to Reveal Hidden Layers
People rarely say exactly what they feel, especially when they’re angry. Angry dialogue isn’t just about yelling or throwing out insults; it’s an opportunity to show the character’s deeper thoughts and vulnerabilities.
Consider using controlled, icy responses or unexpected silences. Maybe your character says something hurtful in a low voice rather than screaming. They might express sarcasm, avoidance, or even laugh at the wrong moment. Anger often carries hidden layers, and using these nuances can help your character’s dialogue feel genuine, even haunting, without falling into dramatic clichés.
4. Control the Pacing of the Scene
The pacing of an angry scene can be the difference between a powerful moment and a melodramatic one. In real life, anger doesn’t always erupt instantly; it can simmer, spike, or deflate depending on the situation and the character’s personality. Experiment with different pacing techniques to create tension.
You might build the anger slowly, with small signs that something’s brewing. Or maybe the character explodes suddenly, only to calm down just as quickly, leaving a chill in the air. Controlling the pace helps you control the reader’s emotional engagement, drawing them in without overwhelming them.
5. Avoid Clichéd Expressions and Overused Reactions
When writing anger, avoid falling back on clichés like “seeing red,” “boiling with rage,” or “blood boiling.” These phrases have been overused to the point that they lose their impact. Instead, get creative and think about how your character’s anger might feel specifically to them.
Maybe their skin feels prickly, or their jaw aches from clenching it. Think about details that are unique to the character and to the moment. By focusing on small, unique sensory details, you’ll help readers feel the anger rather than just reading about it.
6. Let the Setting Reflect the Emotion
The setting can be an effective tool to amplify a character’s anger without overstating it. Small details in the environment—such as the hum of a refrigerator, the slow ticking of a clock, or the distant sounds of laughter—can create a sense of contrast or isolation that heightens the character’s rage.
For example, imagine a character seething in a peaceful park or a quiet library. The calm of the surroundings can make their anger feel more potent. Or maybe they’re in a crowded, noisy room where they feel unseen and unheard, which fuels their frustration further. This use of setting can add depth to the scene without the need for dramatic gestures.
7. Let Consequences Speak for Themselves
An effective way to avoid melodrama is to let the consequences of the anger show its intensity. Characters don’t always have to yell or physically react; sometimes, a single choice can convey more than any outburst.
Perhaps your character cuts off a close friend or says something they can’t take back. Maybe they throw away a meaningful object or walk out in silence. By focusing on the consequences of their anger, you can reveal the impact without over-explaining it.
8. Let the Emotion Simmer After the Scene Ends
Anger is rarely resolved in a single moment, and its effects often linger. When writing an angry scene, think about how it will affect your character moving forward. Are they holding onto grudges? Do they feel guilty or exhausted afterward? Does their anger transform into something else, like sadness or regret?
Allowing the anger to simmer in your character’s mind even after the scene ends creates a more authentic and layered portrayal. It shows that anger is complex and doesn’t just disappear the moment the scene is over, adding emotional weight to both the character and the story.
#writing tips#writing advice#character development#writers on tumblr#writeblr#creative writing#fiction writing#writerscommunity#writing#writing help#writing resources#ai assisted
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#yall I finally got some good fucking news#my grandma’s been in the hospital and was doing very bad and like#we thought the end was near#she improved and got discharged#things still aren’t great but it’s (hopefully) looking more like she has weeks or maybe even months rather than just a handful of days#she’s almost 92 and has late stage Alzheimer’s and the flu is what put her in the hospital but she beat it#yesterday was very stressful#my parents/uncles were all being incredibly vague and my cousins were reaching out for info from me since I’m the only local grandchild#trying to figure out if people several hours away need to drop everything and try to make it here to say goodbye while at work was uh#it was something#I had an emotional break down in the bathroom which was fun#my parents who normally use me as a punching bad were doing it to an even more extreme degree#they still are technically; I get it’s my dad’s mom and he’s hurting more but she’s my grandma and like#the whole way they’ve been treating is just… it broke something in me#relieved she’s okay for now but having to grapple with the fact that this is how they will treat me when it is her time is something#I am an frazzled emotional wreck from everything but she’s okay and that’s what matters in the end#I also had a video interview this afternoon which like#absolutely wild state of mind to be in to do an interview but it’s with a really good company so I didn’t want to cancel#guys#I got a second in person interview!#it pays good and it’s close by and the only thing I don’t like is that it’s second shift#but they said if I get the job I’ll eventually get the opportunity to switch to first shift so like#fingers crossed the next interview goes well#anyways all good news except for my parents being fucking assholes but#I am out of energy emotionally mentally and physically#was trying to keep myself together till the interview and now that it’s over I’m just very done#my anxiety is shot my brain’s checked out and all I wanna do is sleep#I was supposed to be off tomorrow but work called me in and I took the shift cause I need money#I think there is a very good chance that I crash very hard after work tomorrow#which fine
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Too heavy for me? Never
LADS men reaction to you only somewhat joking about being too heavy for them
Sylus -
He'll raise an eyebrow at you, staring down at you as you realize the joke fell flat. You try to back peddle, not wanting to cause any confrontation that never helps you feel better about your body anyway, but he simply holds up a hand to stop you with a shake of his head.
"I don't want to hear it, sweetie. I already know the nonsense you're going to say. How about you just come with me right now to the gym instead?"
You don't know how to tell him that saying that truly shattered your heart into a million pieces, so you just follow him in silence instead. You didn't think he would insult you so casually, and you were now trying to brace yourself for the inadequate feelings and self-loathing you were about to experience by having to train at the gym with him.
But... he didn't ask you to do a workout. He didn't tell you to get on a piece of equipment or to lie down on a mat for a physical exercise.
He told you to sit on a small bench against the wall while he went to the free weights close by.
Wordlessly, he loads weights- two- no, three times your weight onto the bar, before moving to lift it. Once. Twice. Again, and again and again-
His eyes flicker over to you at some point, and instead of making any remark or reference to the emotions clear across your face, he flashes you a slight smirk, just like he always does.
"Have I made myself clear, sweetie?"
Zayne -
Zayne will definitely think you're just pretending to be stupid at first.
He will look down at you with his brows furrowed and a small smile creeping on his lips, thinking it's all a joke.
"I lift myself during my workouts fairly easily, and I am capable of lifting a lot more. Quite funny, though I wouldn't make this form of humor a habit. It isn't particularly good for your mental health."
Then he realizes you're actually being serious in what you're saying.
He's upset, to put it lightly, but hes trying not to let it show. Favoring a small frown across his usually firm expression as he studies your face. Your heart will jolt just a little bit when you process just how sad his eyes look though... obviously he's hurt that you would even think something like that about yourself, much less come to believe it as true.
"Allowing a part of your brain to lie to you is not healthy if you don't push back with the truth. And the truth here, is that you are nowhere near too heavy for me to lift or carrying, even for prolonged periods of time. To demonstrate-"
And like it's nothing, he's picking you up and carrying you. His destination is not important, and the protests spewing from your lips fall on deaf ears as you try to gentle squirm out of his grasp. He'll continue to explain why your viewpoint is flawed, methodically and with logic, and in a way that you find yourself unable to argue back.
He doesn't want you to.
He knows you're wrong, and he will stop at nothing to prove it.
Xavier -
He's more surprised at the statement than anything. At first, he thinks you're making a jab at his strength, and wonders if he slipped up in front of one too many Wanderers and now needs to prove himself just to get you to stop teasing him for being 'weak'.
Once he (quickly) realizes that you're talking about yourself, jabbing at your own body and state, rather than at him, it's like a spark igniting in him.
"What? What would ever make you think that? No- that's not right. That's not right at all."
He's immediately going to try and grab you to lift you up, he doesn't care where you both are or what you're doing. Even if you've just woken up in bed and are still relaxing, he's trying to pick you up right then and there.
He stumbles trying to lift you, falling backward onto the pile of blankets and plushies that has taken over his bed. He feels awful, worried that you'll take his misstep as him falling over from your weight, immediately apologizing and trying to sit up and pick you up again before falling forward from the plush surface he's trying to rise on giving out too much beneath him.
You're both a giggling mess by then, and it's obvious to you that he's going to keep trying to prove it to you, just... a bit clumsily so. Several more attempts will be made as the evening goes on, and pretty soon he's showing you just how easily it is for him to lift you up- especially if he keeps doing it over and over and over again.
And he will continue to do it over and over and over again, even after today. As many times as it takes.
Rafayel -
You definitely made a mistake saying anything self-depreciating around him. Especially with how much he likes to prove you wrong in playful situations, this is something similar, but a lot more serious to him.
He'll make fun of you for anything, as long as you know he's just being lighthearted even if he's grumpy or upset when he fires a quip off at you.
But the second you agree with him, or say something bad about yourself- whether jokingly or dead serious- the gloves are off. He won't accept that from you, and he's already on it to figure out how to turn the opinion you've formed of yourself on it's head and into a more positive outlook.
Lifts you up bridal carry while spinning- quite literally sweeping you off your feet while he whisks you away. You would think you were a princess with how he spins around his studio with you in his arms, with no regard to the paintings or projects around him as he dances with you in his arms. And no matter how hard you protest, he doesn't stop until he feels for himself that he's done enough, giggling the entire time.
"Are you really going to doubt a sea god's strength? Geez, I didn't realize you were such a rude human."
He'll hold you up enough to press his forehead against yours, nuzzling against you with a smile, the slightest sadness playing across his expression.
"Man, I must be pretty lousy that you would ever think something like that about yourself. That must mean I don't think to pick you up enough like you deserve. Don't worry, I'll make it up to you by whisking you away every chance I see you from now on."
#.writey#love and deepspace#lads#lds#x reader#lds sylus#lds zayne#lds xavier#lds rafayel#rafayel x reader#zayne x reader#xavier x reader#sylus x reader
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