#personally id rather be around someone who struggles to express their emotions than someone who might try to start a fight with me

[snekdood]

i feel like i should change zeros actual name... since I didn't know Isaac was a hebrew name... and dont wanna convey the wrong message... but goddamn does "isaac charles winslow" roll off the tongue.

[the-s1lly-corner]

This may be specific but I also think it would be kind of cute

Okay so Eyeless Jack x reader who is like pretty intimidating looking and always keeps a stoic expression on and also really tall

Then he gets to know them and it's like "Oh you're not scary, just ✨️traumatised✨️" because they only show emotions to those they trust

Like they will glare at someone who said something mean then be all lovey dovey to Jack but still a little reserved cause they're still new to the whole "wow someone actually loves me"

Could you make 2 versions? One being platonic and the other being romantic (also reader just straight up denying that Jack is insecure cause how could he? He's the definition of perfection in their eyes)

Eyeless Jack x stoic!reader whos sweet to him (?)

i must admit it took me a little while to think of some ideas for this prompt, my apologies for the delay </3 i also wasnt too sure what to title this TToTT but regardless i hope you enjoy this! even through the struggle for ideas, i gotta admit, this idea is adorable esp since i personally write jack to be more self loathing mainly written as platonic but there is a segment at the end for romantic hcs ! easier than to write two separate full fledged sections!

uhuh light CW for implied SH on ejs part since the admin thinks that while jack is slowly descending into his whole.. demon thing hes physically and mentally fighting with himself to remain lucid; nothing explicitly written but id rather be safe than sorry

honestly i think it might take him a good hot minute to really let you treat him like hes deserving of anything more than a scowl, especially if he sees how you act around other people... because why him, of all people? there are people better for you

yet he doesnt stop you from coming to his cabin in the woods, he doesnt stop you from doing some work around the place so its safer and more habitable for him, he doesnt stop you from patching up his clothing and washing them. why doesnt he stop you? he knows he doesnt deserve it...

he almost hates the way you look at him sometimes, if you look at him with pity. like hes some lost dog needing someone to take care of him

he doesnt need help, hes been doing this whole thing by himself for a long time now and he hasnt needed anyone

and yet

he doesnt push you away when you go in to clean his face after a particularly nasty fight with himself

you even run a warm bath for him

its been so long since hes been warm

i like to think that he tries to seek you out when you dont come to visit him for a few days.. did something happen to you? were you hurt? sick? did someone do something to you? did you move away? where did you go...?

wont ever admit it but i think hes at least a little starved for a connection, sure hes a hermit and he was already closed off before he started turning into this man eating monster, but deep down he still has his human roots in there kicking, and humans thrive on connections... in the truest sense, he needs you. not sexually or carnally or romantically, he just needs someone to talk to him to keep him from going truly mad

finds himself thinking about you more than hed like to admit, even if he doesnt have any romantic feelings for you hes going to beat himself up. he came here to his silly little cabin in the woods to get away from people for everyones sake; only coming out when he needs to 'hunt'

its like befriending a stray cat, i think. they hiss and swipe at first but overtime they try to cuddle up to you if you give them enough time to build up that trust

admin likes to think he has pointed ears, and i think that they would twitch a little if he sees a smile forming on your face...

as for romantics....

i think he would look at where you walked off to, to go home... longing, almost daring himself to go after you or say something because he cant stand spending another night alone in the woods

leaves you gifts, anonymously, but leaving them none the less. if you ask if he was the one who left them hes not going to admit it, you can imply that you know it was him, but he will hold firm in his denial

building off of the ear idea, he totally gives himself away when he starts blushing... he looks like the type to have his blush reach his ears... not too mention the flicks dont make it any less discrete,,,

even he doesnt notice it, but he tries to make excuses for you to stay around longer during hang out sessions, stopping just short of offering to watch the grass grow

i think this would feed into his self loathing, though. in my eyes, jack was dragged into a human sacrifice unwillingly and unknowingly. his life was robbed away from him, he was robbed of ever having a normal life with you... you deserve better, he thinks. very heavy shit, you know? i think it leads to his mental state being even worse than before

god i had intentions of going into this with fluff but this just came out angstier than my middle school ocs TToTT

[rjshepherd]

Random Karl Headcanons part 4

Just got my first jab and I am trying very very hard not to have a panic attack so let's have some anxious Karl Headcanons yea?

Edit. this is from a week ago, i didn't have a panic attack but i did have to leave the vaccination center before i finished it.

-karl suffered from a lot of anxiety, 90% of which comes from Miranda. Not all of it is from her experiments, some of it is simply because she was a shitty person who put him down and made him doubt himself on many occasions. She used to pit the other experiment kids against one another, physically and mentally. While id never say karl was her favorite( since that implies favor and better treatment) she would often beret him for not living up to the standards of other test subjects despite being the one she had the most hope for.

-a lot of his anxieties are the result of insecurity. He does his best not to come across as an insecure person, hiding it behind bravado and his combative personality. But rather than become nervous or worried as most people with anxiety do, Karl tends to lash out, become angry or hostile. i've mentioned several times before, his go to emotional response to a lot of things is anger. scared? yell at the thing. worried? threaten the thing. feeling threatened? Kill the thing.

-i feel like miranda teaching them all english was a late thought. yes, all the lords are fluent now, but only because its been years. when he was a child, Karl didn't have the words to put to his feelings. now, as an adult he often struggles to identify what emotion hes got swirling around his head. and because he cant properly express it, he defaults back to angry. Someone should get him one of those charts with the faces on it from the psychologist's office.

-As a result of all this anger and anxiety, he suffers physically. ive mentioned before about his headaches but you better believe im going to harp on them more now. He gets tension headaches, as well as headaches from his blood pressure. He clenches his jaw a lot, hurting his teeth and muscles. Hes given himself some serious stomach aches and acid reflux in the past and even some chest pains at one point: Its one of the many reasons he doesnt go too far from the factory or let the others in. 1 Day in castle Dimitrescu took 3 years off his life.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “Keeping Secrets.”

Wrote another for you all. Hope you have a good day :)

“But I’m HUNGRY.” 

“We don’t have time for that.”

“I’m the commander, I’m your boss, and I say I’m hungry.”

Ramirez turned on his heel going toe to toe with the taller man, “I don’t give one shit if you’re hungry or not, something is wrong with you, so I am taking you back to Dr. Krill and Katie, so they can to a scan of your dumbass skull.” 

Commander Vir bared his teeth in a feral snarl held back only by Sunny, who had two of her arms wrapped around his chest. He was being absolutely impossible to control. First it had been other people, largely women, but with Ramirez in the crossfire once, and Sunny taking the brunt towards the tail end. Then it had been the aggression, the heightened need to fight absolutely everyone for the smallest infraction, and then had come the hunger, which he hadn’t shut up about for over a mile now.

Ramirez would have gotten them a taxi, but everything here tended to fly, which made Adam assume that it was his since he was “the best pilot in the known galaxy, so it should be me that flies everything.”

Yeah right, like he was going to let commander jackass fly the plane.

But deep down he was worried. Whatever this guy was, it wasn’t Adam.

Adam was….. Well how about the exact opposite of everything this person was doing, he was shy, and polite, and friendly, and humorous. Even when he got angry or indignant, his actions were usually justified for some sort of reason.

But whatever that thing in the alley had been, it had definitely done something to him.

He glanced down at his implant, and pulled up the tracking device that Krill had managed to weld to the commander’s ribs and found that it did indeed say that the commander was right behind him.

Up ahead they were just stepping onto the docking bay platform where ship shuttles were constantly rolling in from the sky above. Noctopolis didn’t have a station big enough for entire ships to land, so they were going to have to take a shuttle back to the ship. It would be best not to take their shuttle as the other marines would need a way to get back when they finally finished with their carousing, so he finally hailed another shuttle, which pulled to a stop in front of them.

“This piece of junk.” The commander snarled, “I’ve seen better shuttles in junkyards. Look at it, the D-4 coupling. Only some kind of bitch drives a shuttle with a -”

Sunny clamped her hand over the commander’s mouth and Ramirez sighed as the shuttle ramp opened and allowed them to step inside.

“To the station?” the pilot asked turning around in its seat to look at them.

“Yes please.” Ramirez said scanning his implant under the reader for payment.

As soon as that was done, he helped Sunny to strap the Commander into place getting a fat lip for his troubles when the man snuck in an angry knee to the face. Ramirez contemplated ‘accidentally’ closing the five point harness on the man’s junk in retaliation, but assumed it wise not to piss the man off more than he already was.

Sunny still had her hand over the Commander’s mouth, as the roar of the engines started up nearly deafening the.

Sunny yelped in shock and drew her hand back from Adam.

“He bit me!”

He barred his teeth at her, complained for a couple more minutes, though, luckily it wasn’t loudly enough for the pilot to hear. Eventually his messed up brain moved on to a quieter activity, pressed against Sunny head resting on her am.

Ramirez wasn’t stupid.

Had he guessed that Adam had a thing for sunny. Totally, who didn’t, but he doubted that Adam wanted anyone to find out like this. Ramirez honestly didn’t care about what he did in his free time, but he was worried about what would happen to his friend when he came down from whatever freaky psychotic behavior this was.

So, what did he do?

He decided to piss him off some more.

The commander could more easily come back from anger than he could from the humiliating of letting everyone know he was in love with an alien.

“Adam, Fuck you.”

It wasn’t his most eloquent diatribe he had ever given, but it worked pretty well.

Adam turned to look at him face twisted into an expression of murderous rage. Sunny was forced to hold him back as the cursing began and the struggling. Ramirez stayed very calm. He just had to keep him pissed like this until they made it to the infirmary.

They made it off the shuttle without incident, and walked through most of the station. Aside form the man hungrily eyeballing a couple of passing people, and a couple of passing food carts, they made it to the ship.

People came to approach them but Ramirez vigorously shook his head waving them off and out of the line of fire. Commander Vir glared them down as if he intended to fight each and every last one of them.

Sunny practically carried him up the corridor and through the ship towards their final destination.

Along the hallway up to the medical bay they ran into Conn, who took one look at Commander Vir and floated backwards a bit. Whatever was inside the man’s head, the starborn wasn’t to keen to be apart of.

Ramirez ignored that little fact and shouldered the next door open with gusto practically bursting into the medical bay with sunny close behind.

Dr. katie and Krill looked up from their work frowning in confusion as Sunny struggled to make the Commander do what she wanted.

Krill floated up.

“Is everything alright?”

Ramirez shook his head, “Something happened to the Commander. I think he was attacked?”

Both Dr. Krill and doctor Katie stepped forward in concern as Sunny forced him to sit down.

Krill moved forward, and so did doctor katie until eventually the man’s eyes fell on her. They all watched as his head tilted slowly moving up to her face after passing over her body. The look on his face was so uncharacteristic of him that Dr. katie and Krill took  a step back.

He licked his lips.

Dr. Katie’s eyes narrowed, and she walked over grabbing him aggressively by the face and turning his head this way and that. 

He mewled in pain.

“You are definitely right, something is completely wrong with him. Sunny pinned his hands down as he tried to fight Katie off.

“He got all weird like, started going after everyone, and then he tried to fight the, and then he got all hungry. And he's been aggressive and pissy ever since. I have never seen anyone behave like this ever, and I joined the army.”

“Yes the behavior is completely out of character. What did you say happened before he started acting like this.”

“I think someone may have used a device on him. It was dark, and I didn’t get a good look of the shadow, but I saw some metal, like there was a contraption on his head. Sunny continued to hold the commander down as doctor Katie looked over his head. She completely ignored whatever he was saying, though it did happen to be rather alarming coming from Adam.

“Here, on the scalp, what do you make of it Krill.”

Krill moved forward to take a look leaning in closely for an examination, “Hmmm, yes. Puncture wounds on the temples and under the eyes, very minuscule. Almost microscopic in fact.

Adam bit at Katie’s hand and she pulled back.

The look on her face was one of complete no nonsense as she stepped away grabbed something and then came back.

Adam looks almost shocked when she stabbed him in the back with the syringe.

“What did you give him.” Krill wondered 

The concoction was self-evident a moment later as the man lost all muscle tone. Sunny grabbed him and lay him back.

“Combined sedative and paralytic. That should keep him still she said.” Behind her glasses her warm eyes had changed to one of worry. She wasn’t mad at the commander knowing that something had been done to hi to make him behave in such a barbaric manner.

“Call in Dr. Adric will you. He might be able to help us explain at least some of this behavior.”

It wasn’t long before the man slipped into the room honey tones of his dark skin washed out by sharp overhead light. He walked forward and stopped with the other two doctors.

“Something is wrong with the commander.”

“Increased libido, hyper aggression, and hunger to the point of not being able to control himself. We had to sedate him.”

“Strange, sounds like you just gave me the textbook definition of the Id.”

“The what now?”

Dr Adric shrugged, “Oh nothing it was simply a theory proposed by a psychologist more than two thousand years ago. His methods have since been questioned and greatly disproven, but Freud did coin the idea of the Id, or the subconscious driving for of the human mind that encompasses all our base desires, food, sex, aggression, and so on.” he glanced down at the commander, “In this case, i might suggest something in causation with the function of the brain stem (including all base drives) and an inhibition of the frontal lobe and limbic system.”

“Why those in particular?” Krill wondered 

“The frontal lobe, as you know is in charge of executive decision. Whatever function has kept these drives and habits suppressed, is not working. With the limbic system down, he has no way of controlling his emotions which might explain the aggression, though I have never seen anything manifest in this way.”

“So you have seen it?”

“Alzheimer patients can experience similar behavior towards the end stages of the disease as their executive function and limbic systems break down, but he doesn't appear to be having any related memory involvement. I would suggest an x-ray fMRI and CT scan to begin.”

“Why the x-ray?” wondered Ramirez pretty sure that that could show you the skull and not the brain.

“Looking for metal of course.”

It was probably a good idea as the first x-ray image lit up like a lightbulb. Gathered around the screen, Sunny and Ramirez looking over their heads they saw the skull was packed full of shiny white dots. The skull was intact, and the dots were on the outside of his brain, but they were small, very small.

“Think you can get those out, Dr?” Katie asked turning to look at Krill.

“Yes, they are very small, a large magnet should do the trick.”

Dr Adric made a joke about putting him in an MRI to do the work quicker, and received a look form Krill while Katie laughed.

By the end of the hour all oft hem were staring at a minute grouping of microscopic electrodes that had been pulled from the man’s head.

“That would explain it.” Dr Adric muttered

“Explain what?”

“Generating a magnetic current through areas of the brain can disrupt its function. We’ve known that for thousands of years. Continuous stimulation of the occipital lobe, for example, can make someone go blind. So whoever did this intentionally shut off his executive functions, or stimulated his base drives. I believe what we just saw is the hardwired, natural human instincts.

“How very comforting”, Krill said, obviously not very comforted

“Well, lets wake him up and see if the problem resolved.

Nervously, the group gathered around the man who had been mostly sedated for the entire procedure. He wasn’t fully asleep, but he was only half conscious. The reversal agent woke him up pretty quickly, and he lifted his head sort of groggily.

He blinked owlishly at them, his face neutral.

They waited worried.

“What…. Happened?” He groaned hand to his head 

His single eye slowly focused in on Dr Katie, and then he blanched absolutely white. Eyes widening he put a hand over his mouth.

“Yep, that’s him.”

“Commander, are you ok? What do you remember.”

He grabbed Katie by the arm stammering, “Katie I… I’m so sorry I-I dont know what came over me. I’ve never done anything like that in my life I swear to god.” he looked near close to panic, “You know I would never intentionally ever do anything like that to you ever, and I am so sorry. I have no idea why that even happened.” 

She grabbed his hand, “Adam, it’s alright. I know you wouldn’t. It wasn’t your fault.”

He turned his head, and as he saw sunny and Ramirez his face went from bleach white to pale pink, to bright red.

Ramirez grinned and threw in a wink just for fun.

He thought the man was going to stroke out and die. He dropped his head into his hands. Even his hands were red.

“Do you remember what happened, commander?” Dr krill asked 

“I…. I don’t now I was waiting for Ramirez and sunny but then…. I saw something in the alley. Next thing I knew everything was dark, and I was being thrown around. It pinned me to the ground and did something…. That’s when ramirez and sunny came out. After that I remember….. I remember feeling, so angry and, and hungry and….” He went quiet as his neck blushed and even deeper shade of red, “I’m so sorry”, he moaned.

“Are you sure you don’t remember anything else, Commander.’

“Well I mean…. I’m not sure, but maybe...I thought it might have said, the Kree, but I wasn’t really paying attention.” 

“The Kree. Didn’t the GA make contact with a race that called themselves the Kree.”

Te commander lifted his head, “Yes, though it was only by long distance communication, otherwise no one knows anything about them.” 

“Well, rest, Commander, and we will figure this all out later.”

He nodded dejectedly as the doctors stepped from the room all the while discussing what the device could have been.

Ramirez followed after them having taken a step out the door when.

“Sunny, I am so sorry. What happened, I didn’t meant to do any of it.”

He paused beside the doorway knowing he should move on, but being unable to do so.

“None of it?”

There was silence.

“I…..”

“So I shouldn’t expect anything like that ever…. Even in an appropriate context?”

Stammering 

He really should go

“It’s fine, Adam, but that is something I just needed to know.”

“But I didn’t say that, Sunny I…. I just.”

“You just…. What?”

“Eventually yes of course…. And I want to…. But I….”

Ramirez shook himself and pulled away. He shouldn’t be listening in. It was wrong despite how much he wanted to shove it in maverick’s face and claim his two hundred bucks.

He wasn’t going to rat out his friend to everyone.

He knew what being a friend meant, and often that included keeping secrets.  

[autisticangus]

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

[lilmajorshawty]

Any idea how to spot the rising signs based on mannerisms (rather than physical looks)?

YES plenty :D 

some quick short cuts though!

look for celebrities share their sun and search for people with that sun and the rising sign you might think they are!

the reason being is A LOT of similarities can be found with certain placements and positions. so say your crush is a Libra sun, you would look up Libra rising with various rising signs and what i usually do is watch interviews, look at young photos and so on! if you want to really dig into it you can look up sun and moon combos via house placements associated with the believed rising sign you think they may be. so say you thin the herd to a Scorpio rising and their Libra sun falls in the 12th while their Gemini moon is in the 8th you would then look up Pisces sun with Scorpio moon and see how they act, watch interviews and look for facial and emotional similarities! now this is stuff i do and it is quite a bit of work so i’m going to list a few simple traits that stand out and spread them out into decans to make it easier because not every decan share the same characteristics.

Aries rising : the first decan is the most energetic and impulsive of the bunch but also has tremendous stability. the last decan is superrrrrr grounded and can seem like an earth sign because their energy flows calmer. the second decan is a bit more untethered and can seem unpredictable and “hurt”

(first decan): Bubbly, headstrong, stubborn and incredibly childlike and youthful in mannerisms and in their outlook on life. always laughing unless Saturn or Pluto sit here or are in aspect. 

(second decan): Lost, Confused or their attention span seems gated or easily distracted in some way. Sensitive, emotional, Independent but also cool and aloof, hard to read emotionally.

(third decan): Earthy, doesn’t seem like a fire sign, laid back, BLUNT, impersonal, INTENSE, strong observation and body language reading skills, tolerant and easily accepting of others.

Taurus rising:  the last decan is fairly serious and can seem more like an angry bull if anything. they are also the most moody. the 1st decan is softer than the other two. and the second decan is the most detached of them.

(first decan): SWEET, impressionable, stubborn as hell, creative, artistic and deeply attuned to their feminine and emotional side, enjoying life by seemingly turning a blind eye. literal deer.

(Second decan): SMART, the mind is fast and sharp, stuck in their ways, scientist and “lovers of the ganja.” meditation, cautious and extremely personal and direct, sensual and horny, magnetism, hard not to fall for them flaws and all.

(third decan): stern, serious temperament, father time energy, stoic, erotic and sensual but more so in a environment way than a touching way. sublime attraction to music and art/dance. very nice weight gain, temper tantrums and aloofness. AMBITIOUS and shy/standoffish.

Gemini rising :the last decan is the most of an enigma and to me is the most complex of the three. the first and second decans are both fairy like but the first decan is more sweet and emotionally present while the second relies more on cerebral stimuli.

(first decan): Disconnected, strong romantic nature, seems grounded but also slightly off in a way. jaded personality. keeps interactions of all kind impersonal especially when in public. seem serious and rather harsh when meting a stranger. highly energetic and full of life at random moments(this is their real self).

(second decan): Magnetic as shit but also unstable as shit, passive, neurotic, camera ready personality, very silly and playful, emotionally available, very sympathetic and passionate, moody and escapist. can battle bouts of depression.

(third decan): ARTISTIC and extremely gifted in the art of human nature. More detached than any Aquarius you’’ll ever meet. live on another planet. can seem like they wont be staying for long. very strong energy and magnetism. “the demon gaze.” EXTREME emotional mood swings. Powerful emotions and can seem very tense or extremely disengaged. 

Cancer rising : ALL of them are sensitive! but id say the first decan is the saddest looking or the most innocent and caring of the bunch even when they don’t want to be. the second decan is the more intense and aloof of them while the last decan is the most magnetizing of the three due to their flighty and intangible nature.

(first decan): Stoic, can seem miserable some moments as if the world is falling around them, or can look bright and innocent like a small infant. Very nurturing and cares a lot about the well being of others “genuinely.” can seem tired or agitated. VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MOODY. hard to really understand or get to know. lives in their heads. very cunning and extremely smart and talented but never show this. detached and a bit cold to strangers.

(Second Decan): secretive. adaptive. extremely self aware. lack of pity or sympathy for others. INTENSE. intimidating. emotionally present but can also be too emotionally unavailable at times. cutting and raw. deep set stares. can be very private and hidden. STRONG sex appeal but in a divine feminine way even in men. strong sensuality and emotional sensitivity when they like you. VERY cold to outsiders and people who speak on their family or lovers.

(Third decan): The demon, chameleons, sheds personalities quite a bit. multiple personalities. dark.elusive. extremely caring and can seemingly surround a room in good vibes. very tender and very mothering. slow to except situations or circumstances. irrational tendencies. strong sex drive. illusion like temperamental. disappearing acts. beautiful energy.

Leo rising: the first decan is rather immature but they radiate the sun in full glory. the second decan is the most emotionally driven while the last decan is the most serious and mature of the bunch. dare i say they come across like a Capricorn/aries combo

(first decan): kitty cats. easily entertained. free love types. hard to tame and or get to settle down. LOVE the spotlight. strong aura. very easy going and deeply fixed personalities. Energetic as all hell. can seem bull headed or uncompromising. entertainers. sexually experimental and also very comfortable with sexuality and their expression of it both publicly or private. can be super detached especially when they are in a playful mood. SERIOUSLY they are like house cats so they are easily bored and can seemingly dismiss anything that doesn’t keep them entertained.

(Second decan): cubs. huge babies. can be very soft and act like teenagers from time to time. easily discouraged by things when they aren’t receiving encouragement. VERY personal. slow to open up. very sentimental and thoughtful. volatile emotions(in some men they can express this violently on their environment or on others, depends on the person and chart though). gentle. very goofy and playful people. negligent.

(third decan): Lions. Mature. stoic, intense. slightly emotionally unavailable for a long time until they trust you. Intense emotions. Lost. easily tired and can seem disengaged or disinterested. GETS very intent and serious when they like someone(their usual happy go lucky self disappears, they take romance seriously as hell.) intimate. sacrificial. very Strong instincts. observant. caring

Virgo Rising: the difference is that the first decan is more “virgo” than the other two. the last decan is the more completed version of virgo and seem the most emotionally available while the second decan is the coldest.

(first decan): Piercing energy. dark and sort of distant. strong mental activity. strong attraction to nature and the nitty gritty of life. Cerebral. very into conspiracy or the unacknowledged aspects of life. cynical. Very old souls. harsh beliefs. charismatic and poised. Very clear speakers and incredibly straight forward people. lacking in emotional compassion. can wear the work face quick. very sensual and touchy feely. very respectful and kind hearted. understanding. sensitive to others but may not completely “understand.” very warm natures.

(second decan): peaceful. keeps it simplistic and chill. not good at drama or confrontations. anger comes out at really bad times and have a hard time differentiating between their emotions. Strong sexual desires. can seem emotionally complex or as if they aren’t giving you “all of them.” doesn’t like being questioned. Domineering and dominate personalities(men more than women) types to give speeches or call everyone else sensitive. Hardworking and sacrifices a lot for work. weird relationship with romance, kinda center their life on it but also don’t care much for it.

(third decan): Another level. EARTHY. intense drive and passion. dedicated and loyal to friends and lovers and especially family. very sweet nature and comfortable with themselves. heavy energy. VERY charming and extremely sensual. can seem a bit like a ken or barbie with a more down to earth like energy. very clean and also very judgy of unsanitary situations. very emotionally open and extremely loving. relaxed and genuine.

Libra rising: they all share the very gentle and social nature but as you get into the ladder decans they become far more introverted. the first decan is the most lively and what you see in articles about Libra risings. the second decan is more quiet and slightly more emotionally scattered as they are more focused on others and struggle with identifying themselves. The last decan is the most intense of the Libra risings and can have very dark and rather isolated natures. they will seem the least like libra rising.

(first decan): playful and amiable. Very romantic minded but also Extremely self reliant and independent. Strong personalities. individuals. very perceptive and socially intelligent. very open and straight to the point. may struggle with darker emotions from time to time. Lighthearted as hell. naturally into the more darker or more sensual sides of life. bad boy and girl. feels everything hard. very innocent. not a mean bone in their body but boy can they be blunt as shit.

(second decan): sweet but distant. very present but also in a weird way not all the way there. emotions can hit like a nuke and subside just as quick. very sensitive to the emotions of others. can seem to lack deeper feelings or not  really know how they feel. transparent. predictable. very likable. a military like personality from time to time. can seem to fluctuate between needing to be in control of things and not really caring. falls for someone sweet and understanding 99% of the time! looks don’t matter much to them.

(Third decan): Very dark. the emotional nature can be pretty intense and in some cases it can cause obsessive habits, self destructive habits, emotional disengagement, or even depression and unhealthy moods. tense temperament. do not like being alone. can be very mean or cold unintentionally. very distant. very magnetic and seem to have this spark about them that makes people naturally fawn over them. can feel draining. very giving and VERY passionate about friends and lovers but can struggle most with romance because their emotions shift A LOT. disciplined and extremely mature for their age. curious and also very responsible. can get stuck in ruts.

Scorpio rising: They all kinda share the energy of toxic behavior patterns but the types of patterns are unique to each decan(mind you this is a possibility not a norm) the first decan is the most intimidating and the more sexually and emotionally intense of the bunch. the second and third are a bit more relaxed emotionally but the second decan natives can be moody and harsh in nature due to their escapist tendencies. the last decan can be deceptive and slightly manipulative as they alter situations and perceptions as a means of concealing their actions or emotions.

(First decan): Intense. intimidating. thrill seekers. sex and emotions are hand in hand. manipulation and jealously can be very dangerously expressed here. they are highly self aware but may not try to fix their problems. emotionally intense and unreadable. lives in another mind space. gloomy and stoic. Can be TOO serious. Very slow to open up. can be very loyal and stuck on one person. hard to juggle their emotions and their everyday duties. very honest and genuine. lacks discipline or diplomacy. Dangerous energy. can seem like a bad idea. tend to tell people what they’re getting involved with before people try try to get close to them. not the type to cheat but can Be very contradictory personality wise. most of them are open to any and all sexual experiences be it same sex, orgy, and so on. they are big on accepting others as is. VERY sweet and gentle with their lovers.

(second decan): ominous. seems irritated. hates dishonesty and fakes. plays the field. strong sexual instincts. strong compassion for those around them. tries to fix everything. sharp tongues. may dress in brighter colors than most Scorpio risings and very big on expressing themselves. drug use and alcohol use is common territory, as are uppers and downers. using people, or things as escape mechanisms is a bad trait they have. understanding but also critical of others. lovers of music and dance. can be very strongly tied to music or have strong opinions about artist. HUGE judges of performances and what others create. very wet and or intangible presence. they don’t really seem there or can fade in and out of your memory. 

(third decan): sunny but unstable. they are very open and smiley. can seem to have a positive outlook on life. may be emotional issues or inconsistent desires and needs. very smart and intelligent. athletic and or takes good care of their bodies. that said they tend to tie emotional states to their well being so if things aren’t okay with a lover or with things at home or even in general they can be sluggish, irritated, or even manipulate or hurt others just to feel in control of something. sweet but slightly disrespectful or lacking in awareness. moments of high energy and moments of low energy. usually very sociable and talkative. loves cerebral banter and can be very seductive vocally. may pick on or poke fun every once and awhile. super easy going and immature personality. risk takers and tend to see romance as a fun thing.

Sagittarius rising: energy colors all of the decans but i’d say the 1st and last decan are the typically loud goofsters while the second decan is more chill and more rebellious type.

(First decan): MASCULINE. can be pretty direct. they have this way about speaking and acting that can seem like they haven’t heard a word you said but their laid back and rather happy demeanor tends to throw you off. move fast and can seem to lack discipline. ACTIVE and can usually take the initiative in most situations. cool emotional state and usually avoids messier emotional displays. Likes fun and stimulation and can struggle when around more serious or intense feelings. HIGH sex appeal but can also seem like everything is just a game to them.

(second decan): somber. slightly ungrounded. can live life on a whim. goes where the wind takes them so to speak. the realm of sex and intimacy is always a curious world for them. can be very sensitive and emotionally expressive. very interested in the feelings of people. researcher types and tend to sort of investigate or interrogate people they meet. highly optimistic but a slightly more realistic energy. softies and don’t try to hide it. super supportive and sympathetic. LOVESSSSSSSSS foreign anything, tends to spend a lot of time going to culture festivals or out of the country. seems shy and quiet at first but can have the same gusto and enthusiasm as the other decans.

(third decan): very sensual and charming. they can seduce a room without much effort. they are great people readers. tend to be cautious of people and prefer their own space and their own time. down to earth but also a bit more intense. they don’t tolerate very much and can be very attracted to anything or anyone from a different region, culture or even long distance. they love a good party but also can fly into recluse mode real fast. temptations and lust can fuck them up. strong desire to live life their way, not overly tied to any one thing.

Capricorn rising: they all have the intimidating aura but i would say the first decan is the sweetest of them. the second decan is the most charming and romantically charged while the last decan is the most “Capricorn” like as they truly do prioritize their own goals and aspirations.

(first decan): Tender and sophisticated. they have extravagant taste and can have a hard time being around people who settle for whats given. strong minds and personalities. doesn’t trust much. very emotionally introverted. does not reveal all the details. can seem discerning. hard to please and also high standards. very abrupt. enjoys stable and more sensual means of enjoying themselves. the men and women tend to stay fit and can put a lot of work on keeping grounded.

(second decan): VERY stable. loves to explore and can seem like they are all over the place. very strong sexual drive and can be very obsessed with sex on the low(you wont know though). Takes their mental health very seriously and takes very frequent brakes and recuperation time. thinks everything over before reacting. prideful. usually a magnetic allure to them. can seem a bit tough or rough around the edges upon first meeting them. very sensitive and emotional and can have a very soft heart on a deep level when it comes to others and because of this they ARE very SOCIALLY awkward.

(third decan): Pompous and arrogant. Very aware of the potential in others. constantly working and pushing themselves to be the very best. Usually the types to place high value in fashion and their appearance. many of them have a strong energy and can easily intimidate you. they aren’t readily emotional and can lack the ability to understand the feelings of others. their emotions are not overly complicated which is part of the reason why. they enjoy a richness of character and can be very humble and appreciative of everything big or little. very much so Casanova types. many enjoy the chase while the ladder enjoy the rush of intimacy and romance. they are the hardest to get to settle down because they feel as though the world is vast, why waste your time on a fleeting moment. very energetic and drawn to movement. 

Aquarius rising: the second decan is the most happy go lucky and quirky of the bunch while the first decan is kinda like a school student or researcher. the third decan is the most emotionally complex of them all.

(First decan): very soft nature. they are curious about everything. very dry on social media or through texting. love the unexpected and can enjoy challenging social norms or cultural exceptions of their era. The most emotionally available of the bunch and can have an easy time relating on an emotional level to people on a very deep level. kinda vain and lacks grounded beliefs. seems to spend more time questioning then answering. can be emotionally dark and intense but they have a naughty nature them as if they want things to get chaotic without realizing it.

(second decan): very earthy remarkably. they crave a lot of physical touch and can be a bit more communicative then the rest. they love all forms of communication and can use many as gateways to understand themselves. they are not easy to understand or know emotionally because they have so many unconscious walls. they live their lives in a sort of third person perspective. they can seem disconnected from their bodies or just move in a way that doesn’t go with their bodies. strong minded and can be very very brave. not the mist traditional of people but i’d say they are the most life on the prairie with flying saucers as you’ll get from Aquarius rising. THEY ARE ALWAYS TRANSFORMING AND TRYING TO BETTER UNDERSTAND THEMSELVES.

(third decan): can be very well spoken and incredibly mature. they take people and life pretty seriously but also have enough humility and good will to see life in a jokey and rather impersonal manner as well. they loveeeeee people and can be a people pleaser. this trait is most predominate in relationships though. they loathe falseness or a lack of genuine expression so they are keen on detaching or separating themselves instinctual if the sense it. they have the craziest fall back game. they tend to always be on the search for love but can seem to regret it once they have it. they struggle with finding a good balance between loner and co-dependent. they adore soft expressions of love from a far but can seem a little weird when it is done to them. They are always craving things that they don’t truly want.

Pisces Rising: all very intuitive but the last two decans can be more introverted about this. 

(first decan): They have a beautiful presence. they have a very radiant and soft way of speaking. the manner in which they express themselves seems as fragile as glass and often times angel like. the eyes aren’t watery but they do have a aura of being delirious or mentally absent. they are very sensitive and can easily read intentions, desires or actions of others for what they are and react accordingly. They are VERY guarded spiritually and can seem to live on another plane. very strong musical ability or fondness of music. rarely in a foul mood but can snap very quickly when their integrity or their well being is put under spotlight. PRIVATE. likes to be left the fuck alone.

(Second decan): intense. nurturing and sensitive personality. slightly abrasive and raw. can seem a bit stoic or “too real” for some people. not the types to beat around the bush. makes emotional choices between them and other people before they get a chance to. can grapple with their intense feelings and emotions quite a bit so because of this they tend to be loners or picky socially and romantically about who they spend time with. LOVES kids. very spacey and intelligent. the manners are good but they can wane if they feel as though they are being disrespected. they aren’t moody when alone but much of their reactions and moods depend on the people they are talking to! so if you talk crazy to them expect that same energy back in full force and then some. VERY SEXUAL and these natives are also very private.

(Third decan): Ghosts. can seem secluded or emotionally tense. Takes things seriously and isn’t the type to reveal emotions or weaknesses. Very good at pretending or playing a role. “think drake’s song cameras.” they can have intense highs and lows behind closed doors and the only way of telling is by their detachment and escapism tendencies coming out full force. they are communicative to an extent but lack expressing the deep stuff. can take years to open up and can seem rather indifferent to emotions all together most of the time. strong desire to succeed and can have a very ambitious and emotionally self disciplined nature. may play the victim or manipulate in relationships but usually respect their lover HIGHLY to the point that they sacrifice much for them. typically grounded and stable they will seem the least like a Pisces rising and will seem more like Scorpio or Capricorn rising.

As a last note. planets aspecting the first house planet ruler or that sit in the first house period can greatly alter any of these interpretations. so try to guess the rising and use data of your generational planets to guess what might be aspecting what.

ex. Scorpio and Sagittarius risings might seem similar because Pluto in Sagittarius could rest in the 1st house or aspect the ascendant for both of these rising signs meaning you’d have to look at both interpretations. 

[bluerayvioletflame]

Tami, YOU ARE THE CAREGIVER - AND THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS...

You are an individual who posseses great capacities of love... An individual whose sole purpose is to give large chunks of yourself to others.

That being said, you truly are a unique individual, Tami... And needless to say, the world certainly needs more people like you.

And despite your seemingly simple appearances, you're definitely a whole lot smarter than you make yourself out to be. In other words, because of your archetype, there's no doubt that you possess a profound level of intelligence...

...A level of intelligence that is not merely limited to academics.

But... Because of your humble and mild-mannered nature, you'd very much prefer to hide that specific trait about you.

You'd very much rather be underestimated than overestimated, isn't that right?

You're also deeply sensitive when it comes to other's emotions - your emotional quotient amongst the highest in the archetypes... Allowing you to experience the pains, struggles, and happiness of others...

Your selflessness comes unparalleled. You're always so ready to give to others - whether its in the form of time through volunteering, in the form of money through donations, or even in the form of simple acts of love through listening to another's sorrows.

And unlike others, you're not picky when it comes to who you choose to give to. It doesn't matter to you, does it? Whether it's giving to loved ones, acquaintances, and often times, even strangers.

You might not be aware of this, Tami... But your generosity does not go unnoticed. In fact, it inspires and encourages literally every one around you.

And that's why the world needs more people like you...

AS A CAREGIVER, THESE ARE YOUR HIDDEN STRENGTHS, UNKNOWN TENDENCIES, AND POSITIVE ATTRIBUTES THAT YOU WOULDN'T EXPECT...

Your archetype has a magnetizing personality... One that draws respect and admiration from your friends and loved ones.

It's no wonder that people are always looking towards you whenever they need a listening ear.

And unlike other archetypes, you're not one to have massive circles of friends. But that does not mean to say that you have trouble with making friends.

In fact, it's quite the contrary. The other archetypes often find themselves drawn to your calm and tender presence.

You are, however, a little bit selective when it comes to who you choose to let into your life.

You prefer to keep your loved ones close, and your circle of friends small.

Amongst the people who know you best, you're often seen as a parental figure... Someone that they look to for guidance and advice.

This gives rise to your natural inclination to teach others, as you draw energy from imparting knowledge to those around you.

Caregivers often find the greatest amounts of fulfillment in careers that involve a lot of teaching and guiding, and nurturing.

Despite your mild-mannered character, there's a fierceness that resides deep within you. A fierceness that's only revealed when you have to protect the people you care deeply about - especially your children.

You're willing to give everything and anything it takes to keep them safe from harm.

Because of your sympathetic and giving nature, your actions are highly prone to being misunderstood - misinterpreted, even.

At times, others might be cynical of your good intentions. At times, they might even tarnish your reputation by spreading false rumours about you.

Bullies have their eye on you - cowards who have to rely on throwing their weight around to make themselves feel strong.

Don't let that discourage you. You are far stronger than they are, and in eventuality, you will be recognized for the altruistic and giving individual that you are.

After all, you are the one who keeps the world grounded in sympathy and empathy, by spreading your kindness and joy to everyone around you.

In the face of wicked hearts and selfishness, your heart of purity and kindness will prevail.

Tami, AS A CAREGIVER, THIS IS YOUR CALLING AND DIRECTION IN LIFE... AND IT'S BEYOND YOUR WILDEST IMAGINATIONS.

You tend to concern yourself with acts of sharing. You’re always happy to share your knowledge, wisdom and experiences with those around you. That is where you derive fulfilment from. The more you share, the more you express care for others, the happier you seem to be.

However, that can make you dependent on others for your own happiness. And that is something that you need to be careful of.

At times, it might feel as if you’re living your life for others. That’s not what you want. You want to live life for yourself. You want to love yourself. When you’re able to do that, success and the life of your dreams will follow. And that’s what Individuation aims to teach you.

Tami, HERE'S A GLIMPSE INTO YOUR LOVE COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER ARCHETYPES...

You’re not the kind of person that has trouble when it comes to love. Love interests find themselves drawn to your nurturing and giving nature.

You’re fiercely loyal, patient, giving, and emotionally connected. The relationships that you forge with potential lovers are always profound and deep.

That being said, you tend to be very selective with who you choose to date and who you choose to end up with – for good reason, of course.

But don’t forget, Tami, how you perceive yourself should not be determined by your love life. Your spouse or partner is meant to play a supporting role in your life; not the lead. It's always best to focus on your own personal growth, because that's the path that you must embark on to lead a rewarding and fulfilled life.

[illusion-reality-steve]

[ID: the metronome meme. The first image is a meter with the pendulum in the middle. The left side of the meter says “being reclusive and secretive to people who struggle to befriend him,” while the right side of the meter says “being clingy and sharing way too much of his life.” The second image is a picture of a metronome with its pendulum swinging frantically back and forth. The metronome is labelled “Mite Steve.” End ID]

***

I made a meme to describe the train wreck that is Mite’s social life.

Mite has this specific approach to making friends and staying social, which I’m gonna try to explain. Basically, due to some bad past experiences, Mite’s now really cautious when making friends. He doesn’t want to make friends too quickly until he really knows what someone is about, so he only has a few friends and rarely expresses himself around people.

When he meets a new person, he’ll definitely be nice and show that he cares. Enough to create a good first impression and an acquaintance relationship. But that’s it. He’ll just be nice, but he won’t really talk about himself or engage in long, deep conversations with that new acquaintance.

Later, when Mite decides that the new acquaintance won’t be a great friend, he’ll become less energetic when he interacts with them. But if he decides that the new acquaintance will be a great friend, he’ll be A LOT more open and show A LOT more affection. He gets very excited and wants to make that acquaintance into a friend as soon as possible.

This is all a defense mechanism for Mite. He doesn’t want to make too many friends because of the imaginary emotional burden he puts on himself. His mindset is that new friends = more lives he can’t let down, potential betrayal, and more people who aren’t afraid to give him tough love and force him to get his sh** together (Mite knows he can’t handle criticism). He doesn’t want to deal with the expectation and tough love of friendship unless he really trusts someone. But instead of getting a healthier approach to socializing, he limits how much he socializes to accommodate his mindset. Poor guy. But that’s how he works.

Anyways, Mite doesn’t have that much friends as a result. But his few friends have a strong bond with him, and he doesn’t mind being alone. So I don’t think this mindset hurts him. The mindset is more of a symptom of his flaws/issues rather than its own problem.

I’m gonna stop rambling XD Hope you enjoyed the meme and learning more about Mite.

[voidselfshipp]

OKAY LOOK,IVE READ ANGSTY HCS OF MY TF2 BABIES AND NOW IM GONNA WRITE COMFORT ITS 5:35 IN THE MORNING AND I SLEPT 2 HOURS CAUSE MY GAY ASS IS HYPED UP CAUSE IM HANGING OUT WITH A FRIEND THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON,EITHER WAY, HERE ITS THE RESULT.

《♡♡♡♡♡♡》

Jerico is jolted awake by someone nudgig her

--Babe?-- Scouts voice is broken and shaky--Babe wake up

Jeri sits up to find her boyfriend, tears Rolling down his eyes.

--Nightmares?--she asks softly sitting on his lap,he hides his face on his chest, his hands rest on her waist, as hers caress his scalp.

Jeremy mutters a soft Yes, she sighs hugging him tightly,an arm goes around his back and she pulls him closer to her, while her other arm goes around her neck,resting her hand on his hair, caressing it, while the other one clings to his red t-shirt.

--its alright--she says--its going to be okay

--those damn bullies--his voice is cracked.

Scouts trauma about bullying was something jerico could resonate with deeply.

--they aint here anymore-- she adds,pulling away from the hug,she caress his cheek, while the other one rests on his waist-- Jeremy,look at me okay?, all the things they said about you aint true, youre a great guy, you funny, charismatic, just, youre just amazing to me

The Man smiles a bit kissing the palm of her hand, hugging her tightly.

--Thanks sweetcheeks

--aw its nothing, lets go back to bed alright?

--Ye, that sounds good

《♡♡♡♡♡》

Someone wacks her arm.

Jerico opens her eyes sleepily, and sits up rubbing them.

--hm?--she asks then turning to her boyfriend.

Nightmares again.

Engie jolts awake with a shaky gasp, and then looks at his partner.

--Sorry to wake you up darlin' -- his voice was still shaky-- i didnt want to wake ya up

--Dont apologize, come here-- she hugs him, while his arms go around her waist.

He sniffs, snuggling closer to her chest.

Jeri softly guides him back to lay on the bed, her legs wraps around with his, caressing his arm going up and down.

Before she can say anything hes sound asleep, she chuckles and closes her eyes as well.

《♡♡♡♡♡♡》

German words invade the bedroom,medic is trashing around in the bed,pleading.

Jerico opens her eyes exhalted by the noise.

Hes having nightmares again.

Jer knew a thing or two about the germans past,the neglectful parents, the witholding of belongings or even food they put him through.

The doctor Curls up and snaps awake.

--hey...are you alright?--She asks in the best english she could muster.

He keeps silent,and she calls again.

--Med youre scaring me, are you okay?

--ja...I just...need a moment

He sits up and jerico launches at him,hugging him tightly as she can.

The Man gasps but hugs back burying his face in the crook of her neck.

--Sorry I wake you up--

--Nonsense!-- jerico cups his cheeks with teary eyes,--dont apologize for that...just dont--medics brows furrowed, he knew how emotional she could get-- youre not annoying...you are not disposable..

The german doctor caress her cheeks.

--i know the struggles of neglectful parents first hand, youre not what they said you were, youre amazing to me, youre my all and more and, and if it wasnt for you, I dont know where I would be right now..

The Man Coos with his own tears in his eyes, they both kiss as the tears fall down.

The start to sniffle and laugh togheter as they held eachother falling to the bed.

Both feeling the love they had for the other.

《♡♡♡♡》

(Jer is female presenting but uses he/Him pronouns here).

He didnt know what time it is, jerico turns off his phone as the sudden feeling of something,Someone shaking distracts Him.

Its sniper again.

The aussie jumps, being awaken by the horrid nightmare.

Jer quickly scoots closer to him and caress his back.

--Do you want anything?--jeri asks, pressing a kiss to his boyfriends neck, who shakes his head while rubbing his face in the palm of his hands.

Jerico knew that was horse shit, some tea Will help him sleep.

--Ill be right back -he stands up going to the vans kitchen.

While the water heats up she sits grabbing her guitar, tunning it.

The sound distracted sniper, and Walked down as he heard his boyfriend sing, with a tiny lovesick smile.

--I was five and he was six

We rode on horses made of sticks

He wore black and I wore white

He would always win the fight

Bang bang, he shot me down

Bang bang, I hit the ground

Bang bang, that awful sound

Bang bang, my baby shot me down

The guitar was enough to make him snap out of it, but jericos Voice made him feel relaxed.

Just as jer was about to sing the kettle started to make noises.

He grunts and puts the guitar back, and serves the tea.

--You dont need ta do all of that roo--

--Shut up-- he snaps back qs he gives sniper the tea.

He snorts as jeri sits with him.

--Youre so cute you know that?

Sniper chokes on his tea.

--m not--

--Youre cute deal with it Mundy

He rolls his eyes, its better than any nightmare.

《♡♡♡♡♡》

Jerico knew spy was missing.

She sits back and sighs as she sees his shadow in the smoking room.

Well, it seems like another nightmare.

She stands up and walks over to him, his hands are shaky.

--che-- her voice is sleepy-- todo bien?( hey...its everything alright?)

--Yes,go Back to sleep--the frenchman says rather rudely.

He just wasnt in the mood.

--Come with me...

--No

-- Fine, then ill stay here till you come with me -- she grabs one of her books, and sits on the floor right Next to the fireplace.

The flames seem to come to life as she does so, providing more light for her to read.

--Id appreciate it if you could stop playing with the Fire

--and id appreciate it if you could go back to sleep with me , looks like both of us aint getting what we want...

Spy recognized the book, its old, and one of her favourites, he still needed to learn terran, but the cover said 'old folk terran tales'

He grunts and keeps Reading his own book, until he hears her mutter to herself.

-- 'its all the same'the goddess of the Sky claimed' stars are like destiny and fate its like the Gates I protect, I dont know why I was chosen yet im here obeying my duty' and then, the grumpy god of war, sighed and nodded' dreams are nothing but that,if fear is what we dream of, then what?'

The goddess laughed and shaked her head 'Fear is love, we want to protect what is our and sometimes we cling too much to it, but of course they Fear can be Turned to peace if the right person is there for you'

'And that means?'

'Well, you had a bad dream, and you came all the way here, you god of dreams'

The old god grunts again' I guess youre right' --

Spy shakes his head and closes his book, heading to bed.

Jeri Snickers and closes hers leaving it back on the Shelf.

Ther he is in bed with the grumpiest expression she has ever seen him with.

--Just for zhe record-- he says-- im not here because of your fable book...

-- sssssure

She lays down with him and hugs him.

--Grumpy ass

(Okay to rb!)

[rubyleaf]

I may be one of two people who ship this, but I’ll be damned if I let that stop me from producing content anyway. Also a study of Momoya’s character since he’s pretty hard to grasp. Anyway, have fun I guess?

Momoya Natsu has always been most comfortable keeping people at a safe distance.

It’s not that he dislikes people, not particularly. He doesn’t mind shallow company every once in awhile, the kind where you only talk about inconsequential things and part ways having enjoyed the time, but not particularly sad to say goodbye. No, a dislike is really not the issue here.

The problem is just that being around people exhausts him to no end.

Interacting with others, Natsu finds, is always a minefield. One wrong word, one wrong reaction, and someone gets hurt or upset or angry or forms a bad opinion. And all that means conflict, and conflict is stressful. Honest opinions. Honest feelings. Any of them can blow up in his face at the slightest misstep, and the closer the relationship, the bigger the explosion.

So he avoids getting close. He avoids the responsibility, the commitment that comes with close bonds. He avoids showing his true thoughts and emotions. They’re often unpleasant, regularly hurtful, and it’s so much less trouble to hide them behind a mask of politeness, amicability and slight mischief. People find him nice, but nothing more. He’s fading in and out of their lives as he pleases, never tied down but never alone.

And it’s okay, really, except that this masquerade drains him out and leaves his battery at zero after a few hours.

But oh, well. It should still be okay, as long as no one tries to push his boundaries. And if they do, he can still be polite and slip away from their grasp.

Right?

---

Natsu first starts questioning his strategy when he realizes it might not work on Yoshinaga Atsumu.

Slipping away from an acquaintance getting too close is one thing. Escaping from someone who’s in both the same class and the same club as him and insists on following him around like a lost puppy dog, however, is another thing entirely.

Natsu doesn’t know what the guy sees in him. He doesn’t know why he always insists on inviting him places, looking out for him, offering help, seeking him out when he’s skipping, reporting to him about club meetings he missed. Yoshinaga should worry about himself first. Natsu can manage fine on his own.

But he also knows Yoshinaga means well, he does all this because he’s a good kid, and so he remains polite and responds to all his offers with a friendly but distant smile.

A normal person would probably give up after some time. But not Yoshinaga. He doesn’t seem to have any concept of personal space.

Natsu works during club meetings, and Yoshinaga takes notes. Natsu tries to skip, and Yoshinaga finds him. Natsu tries to excuse his way out of club hangouts, found family that they are, and Yoshinaga invites him anyway.

One would really think he’d get the hint at some point. But he doesn’t. He just keeps trying.

“Sorry,” Yoshinaga says after interrupting Natsu and Mika for what feels like the millionth time. How exactly he keeps finding them is a mystery, honestly. “I don’t mean to always, you know... to...”

And yet you do, Natsu thinks irritably, but puts on a smile. “I already told you,” he says, “don’t worry about it. It really is my fault for doing this at school.”

“But—”

“It’s fine,” Natsu repeats. Really, what a pain. His smile remains unwavering. “What do you need me for?”

“The—the meaning of the song.” Yoshinaga looks all eager again, his one uncovered eye sparkling the way it always does when it comes to the club. “The others are trying to figure it out, and—and I thought we should get your opinion too.”

Natsu inclines his head. “What for?”

“Well, you’re part of the club too, aren’t you?”

So straightforward. So shiny-eyed and earnest. Natsu has never been good with enthusiastic people. But even he has to admit there’s something nice about this face. Something... almost endearing, really. Maybe that’s another reason why he’s so lenient with Yoshinaga, because you can’t really be mad at these puppy-dog eyes.

“I am,” he says, choosing his words carefully. “But I don’t have any particular opinions. I’m fine with whatever the others agree on.”

Yoshinaga’s face falls visibly. Natsu struggles to keep up his smile. Making this guy disappointed really does feel a bit like stepping on a puppy’s paw.

“I don’t think you need an interpretation to play well in the first place,” he adds. “At least not one you can put into words.” And besides, he continues in his head, these people should get the rhythm right before they get into the interpretations.

Yoshinaga looks puzzled. “You think so?”

“It’s just my opinion. You don’t have to believe it,” Natsu replies, ducking out through the door. “Anyway, see you.”

Before Yoshinaga can try to stop him, he has slipped away.

---

Some time later the messages start.

Natsu has excused himself from joining the club group chat, but several of his clubmates have his Line ID anyway. Most of them don’t message him much. Sometimes Mizuhara-senpai does, but it’s generally short conversations, all of them club-related.

Yoshinaga, meanwhile, seems determined to make up for the rest of them.

They’re not even invasive messages. They’re generally about the club, telling him what happened at practice, or the newest ideas and decisions, or something about classes and homework. But they’re frequent. Every day, sometimes several times. And it’s honestly getting stressful.

Not that he can say anything. He can’t express such feelings. Be amiable and polite, conceal, don’t feel. He replies to each message dutifully. Generally Yoshinaga is too shy to continue the conversation for long, anyway.

He does use cute stickers, Natsu thinks. And emojis. And his messages are so optimistic it’s almost contagious. Maybe it would be if Yoshinaga didn’t keep on hoping to see the same enthusiasm from him someday.

It’s nice. But it’s definitely too close for comfort. Each person in Natsu’s life has their own space where he’s willing to interact with them. Outside of it he’d rather be left alone. Yoshinaga’s is school. That’s it.

But it’s not like he can tell him that, so he remains friendly and bears the stress in silence.

---

Momoya-kun, I’ve been wondering, where do you even work?

The message makes Natsu freeze up. Too close. Definitely too close. The messages related to club and school, those he could still tolerate. But this is something personal. This, if he gives way to it, will eventually lead to more personal questions. And he doesn’t want that. It gets too close.

Another message pops up, but it doesn’t make it any better. I’m just curious since it keeps you so busy all the time, and I realized I don’t know. I don’t know anything about you.

No. He won’t answer. It may be a simple question. But Yoshinaga’s space is school. He can’t step into the rest of his life. No one can. It’s too much.

So, just once, he leaves him unread. He hates himself for it, but he does. At least for now, until he has figured out what to do about the message.

He’s not surprised to find Yoshinaga approaching him at school the next day, eyeing him with that shy, anxious look. “Um...” he says. “I’m just wondering, but my messages... Did they arrive yesterday?”

Oh, snap. Natsu knew he wouldn’t get away with it. Unless...

“You messaged me?” he replies. “Sorry, I didn’t see. My phone stopped working, I need to get it fixed.”

It sounds like too much of an easy lie, but Yoshinaga buys it. “Really?” he exclaims. “I’m sorry to hear it! If you need anything—”

“Thank you,” Natsu says, smiling. “But don’t worry. I’ll probably have it working again by this evening.”

Now he just needs to figure out what to do about the messages until then.

---

By the evening Natsu still hasn’t figured out what to do. His phone is still off, the messages unread. Maybe he’ll have to lie and claim the fixing will take longer than expected after all.

Instead he goes to play the drums to clear his mind. Here, at least, he is safe. Here he can let loose. Here he can be himself and let out his stress and emotions and doesn’t have to worry about holding back.

And really, today he needs it.

It’s not that he dislikes Yoshinaga, really. He rather likes him. He just needs his space. A lot of space. And he’s afraid of anyone intruding on it. Anyone trying to initiate a closer friendship feels like a red flag to him, a sign to get out and never come back. It’s too much, the pressure, the responsibility.

Can’t he just get away from everything for some time? Withdraw, disappear, until his batteries are recharged and he has any clue what to do?

Finishing his improv session, Natsu takes a deep breath and a gulp of water. His eyes roam over the venue—and freeze.

Standing among the audience is a familiar figure.

Too much. Too close.

Natsu jumps to his feet. He feels like a stranger walked into his room unbidden, like someone read his diary. This is his safe zone, his private space. Nobody he knows can set a foot here unless he invites them himself.

“You,” he says, forgetting to smile, forgetting his politeness. “What are you doing here?”

Yoshinaga blinks at him, clearly startled by his mood. “I was just passing by,” he says. “And then I heard the drumming and got curious... Should I not have come here?”

Too much. Too much.

“You shouldn’t,” says Natsu, backing away. “You shouldn’t follow me around at all! What are you, a lost puppy?” Yoshinaga flinches, but Natsu’s walls have already cracked; there’s no stopping the next words. “Just stop being clingy and leave me alone!”

Yoshinaga backs away. “I didn’t know it was you,” he stammers. “Honest! Your drumming was just really good and—”

“Get out.”

Yoshinaga pales.

“Get out,” Natsu repeats. “And don’t ever try to follow me around again.”

There’s a beat of silence. Then tears well up in Yoshinaga’s eyes, and he turns around and runs out through the door.

Little by little common sense returns to Natsu’s brain.

What has he done?

Is he an idiot?

He has been trying to hold back for so long, and now this?

Isn’t this situation the very thing he has always been trying to avoid?

“Yoshinaga!” he calls, running after him. “Wait!”

His feet carry him outside. He looks right and left. No trace of Yoshinaga.

“Yoshinaga?” he calls again, but there’s no answer.

“I’m sorry,” he says. By now his voice is quiet. The sound is swallowed up by the rush of the passing cars.

He is alone.

---

Yoshinaga doesn’t look at him the entire next day. Natsu tries to catch his gaze several times but is only met with brown eyes fixing on the textbooks or the board or the lunchbox. He doesn’t look angry, just sad. Hurt. Somehow that’s worse.

Natsu wants to say something, but he doesn’t know what. An apology, probably. A proper one. He’s not much good with those. It’ll require sincerity. Being open about something he’s always hated talking about.

The day passes. They don’t talk between classes or during lunch break. After school Natsu meets with Mika in the staircase again. His heart and mind aren’t in it. He always keeps hoping for a head of dark hair to show up around the corner, asking him to go to club.

In the end he gives up. “Sorry,” he tells Mika. “I’m not in the mood today. I’ll make it up to you, promise.”

His feet carry him to the club room. Outside the door he stops. Hesitates.

There’s music coming from inside. It has improved a lot since he last heard it. Instinctively Natsu tries to tell who’s playing which parts. He finds he can’t remember.

That’s right, I never really fit in here.

The music stops. “Much better,” Akira-sensei tells the group. “Mizuhara-kun, you’ve improved again.”

“Yay!” That’s Mizuhara-senpai’s voice. “It’s because I’m playing with Yoshiyan. He’s really easy to match with!”

Natsu holds his breath.

“R-Really?” Yoshinaga stutters out. “Um... thank you!”

“It’s because Yoshinaga-kun looks out for others so much,” says Kurusu-senpai. “It makes playing with him really easy!”

Natsu doesn’t wait around. He turns on his heels and flees the place. Where to, he doesn’t know. Just out of this school. Away from everything.

He ends up in a playground, empty at this hour. Closing his eyes, he sits on the swing. Time passes around him. The world stands still.

What’s Yoshinaga thinking, trying to reach out to him? He’s already part of their family. He has enough people around him. There’s no need to include Natsu. They’d both be happier if they left each other alone.

But at the same time he misses him. A lot more than he’d expect.

Does he want him around? Does he not?

The rustle of footsteps snaps him out of his thoughts. He turns around.

His eyes meet with a familiar dark one.

Yoshinaga freezes, then turns around on his heel. In a hurry he scrambles back between the trees, towards the road. Natsu winces. Don’t ever try to follow me around again. This is his fault.

“Yoshinaga,” he calls as he runs after him. “Wait.”

He doesn’t answer. He keeps on running.

Natsu takes a deep breath. What he’s about to do frightens even himself.

“Atsumu!”

Yoshinaga stops.

With a few quick strides Natsu is beside him, feeling strangely exposed. He doesn’t like this. He wants to leave.

He stands his ground.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” he says, completely sincerely. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

Yoshinaga lifts his hands, backing away. “No, it’s fine—”

“You just startled me,” Natsu continues. “And I was having a bad day and then I lost my self-control. Sorry you had to take the brunt of that.”

“It’s really okay.”

Natsu meets Yoshinaga’s gaze and finds him smiling. “You know,” he says, “I never understood what you were thinking. But yesterday, for the first time, I felt like you were being honest with me.”

Natsu is speechless. Something unnamed stirs in his chest.

“But I hurt you,” he manages out at last. “I made you cry.”

Yoshinaga shakes his head. “It’s not the end of the world,” he says. “I’m just glad you told me the truth!”

A burden falls of Natsu’s shoulders, a burden that he never knew was there in the first place.

It’s okay if he’s honest, Yoshinaga tells him. It’s okay to express his thoughts and emotions. Even the ones that can hurt.

Should he...?

“Let’s sit down,” he says, smiling again, a little more genuine than before. “I think I owe you an explanation.”

---

Atsumu, he thinks as he sits down in his room that night, feeling calmer than he has in weeks. He picks up his phone. The messages are still unread.

It’s ironic, really. They’ve had this entire conversation, and Yoshinaga—no, Atsumu has agreed to be more careful with Natsu’s personal space. He asked him to tell him whenever he oversteps a boundary and everything, and suddenly Natsu doesn’t feel so stressed over him reaching out anymore. Suddenly he doesn’t mind having him in his life a bit more. Even outside of school.

So he types a response. Atsumu replies almost at once. Natsu keeps the conversation going. He doesn’t know why. He just feels like it.

Maybe it’s because he suddenly feels a lot safer.

Atsumu.

Natsu smiles.

Maybe letting someone a bit closer doesn’t always have to be bad. He just needed to find the right person first.

[amythecinnabunny]

Apartment 42 -- A BuckyNat AU

Master and rival assassins unknowingly live together for almost a year, making sure their real jobs remain a secret from each other and everyone around them.

Chapter 2

Natalia and James stood outside the apartment door, key in hand, staring at each other.

"It's one forty-five," Natalia eventually said.

"Couldn't sleep," James lied, "went out for a walk and a drink."

Natalia peered at him, squinting. "You don't look like you had a drink." She sniffed the air. "Don't smell like it either."

James smiled and leaned down to her height. "Soda, Natalia, I went out to get soda. You know, the convenience store a few blocks away from here?"

"Uh . . . I, uh. . ."

"Got you one while I was there," James said, handing her a can. He thanked his instincts he'd thought about the fact that he would not make it back before her and thought to solidify an alibi.

"I'm sorry," Natalia sighed as James opened the door. "I didn't mean to accuse you, I just . . . work is stressful and it really doesn't help that I've got to be at someone else's beck and call for who knows how long."

"It's all right," James said, ushering Natalia in.

They sat at the table and finished their cold dinner, talking about mundane and trifle things, before splitting in the hallway to their own rooms. Neither could sleep, thinking about the job they would begin preparing for once the sun rose.

///////////////

"Pancakes?" James offered when Natalia stumbled into the kitchen, yawning.

"Oh, yes please," she said, eyes brightening as she struggled to pull her hands from the gown pockets. She shuffled over to the stove and pulled one off the plate next to James.

"From now on, you handle grocery runs and I'll handle the cooking, okay? I don't think I can take another shitty dish."

Natalia rolled her eyes. "Fine, but only because you're right. And I'm only not fighting you 'cause you deserve some rights after I almost killed you last week."

"I need that plate," James called as Natalia left with the pancakes.

"Take a new one," she yelled as she disappeared back into her room. When she returned with four pancakes, James was sitting at the table with a laptop open and an empty plate beside him. "I left some for you," she said, swapping their plates, "big project?"

"Hm?"

"I saw layouts," Natalia said as she washed off the plate. She studied the ceramic disc as she spoke. "Building layouts. You an architect or what?"

"No, I uh . . . I wanna build a dream house one day. I wanna be able to build it as big as I like, as expensive as I like, with whatever furniture I like. When I'm not busy with something or the other, I like to just . . . design. Dream, if you will."

"Oh. So, what do you do, then?"

Before she came back to the table, James closed down the building plans for the Stark manor. "Uh, I'm a freelancer."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I, uh, work for this extermination company." James nodded. He had not prepared for this, despite knowing the question would crop up sooner or later. "They call, I go. You know how it is."

Natalia scoffed as she returned to pick up her bag and car keys. "Oh, yeah. I know. Listen, this new job I've got, it's ridiculous hours. I have no idea what time I'll be back, but I do promise to stock up the bar fridge."

James nodded. "No problem. If you're late, I'll put your dinner away for you."

"Thank you!" Natalia called as she hobbled to the front door, trying to walk and get her shoes on at the same time. "Don't ruin the apartment while I'm gone," she warned before closing the door.

Once she was gone, James pulled up the building plans again and continued planning his infiltration.

///////////////

Natalia spent approximately ten minutes getting her false credentials verified before she was finally allowed to input her biometrics to the system and then meet Howard Stark. As she stared at her ID, her thoughts strayed to her meeting with Madame B earlier that morning.

"What's my cover again?"

"You've been in our service for four years and you have never once failed a client. You're the best and that is why we have assigned you to Mr Stark. Did you get all that?"

"I did, Madame, but I meant my name, my look. . ."

"You will go as you are, Romanova. There is no point in hiding. This job may take years. Would you be able to hold a facade daily for that long?"

"Years?!"

"Until we get from Stark whatever it is Hydra wants, he is under your protection and is your responsibility. No matter how long it takes."

"I . . . yes, Madame."

"You will wear your graduate uniform if required. You work for a company called Royale Rouge Security, or R2S, and it has been known to provide security to several monarchies and some celebrities. Make it as grandeur as you like, but do not forget to check in and update us so our agents can ensure a solid ruse. Understood?"

"Yes, Madame."

"Then get to work, Agent."

Natalia dropped her ID into her bag and threw the landyard security had given her over her head. She straightened her jacket and walked on, searching for Howard. She eventually found an indoor boxing ring, two people sparring with one another, both so heavily padded, Natalia could not make either out. Seated on one of the two chairs and watching was an elderly woman Natalia recognised from the data the Red Room kept on her.

"Ms Carter?"

Peggy Carter, in all her salt-and-pepper glory, stood up and smiled. "Yes?"

"I'm Natalia Romanova, from Royale Rouge Security. I've been assigned to Mr Stark."

"Right. Have a seat, dear, I'll have him fetched," she said as she walked up to the ring. "Anthony!"

The young boy stopped beating his butler up and pulled off his mask and helmet. "What now, Aunt Peg?"

"I need you to stop sparring with Mr Jarvis for a moment. Your father's new employee has arrived."

Edwin Jarvis was delighted to be freed and happily peeled off his protection, springing out of the ring. He barely offered Natalia a greeting before leaving, almost forgetting his shoes.

Anthony stared at Natalia. "What’s your name, lady?"

"Anthony!" Peggy scolded, her expression aghast.

"Romanova," Natalia said, offering Peggy a small smile and a subtle wave away, "Natalia Romanova." 

"Russian?"

"Used to be."

"Huh. Front and centre. Come into the church."

"No," Peggy said, "you’re seriously not going to ask--"

"If it pleases the court," Anthony cut in. He noticed Natalia slipping out of her heels. "Which it does."

"It’s no problem," Natalia told Peggy.

"I’m sorry. He’s rather immature sometimes."

Natalia watched Anthony carefully as she hopped over into the ring. She knew the facts. He was seventeen. MIT. Best friend was a James Rhodes, also MIT. She knew he loved Peggy Carter first and Maria Stark second. She didn't know if he loved Howard Stark. The Red Room's records didn't go far into personalities and emotional backgrounds.

"You ever boxed before?"

"Of course. I have extensive training, but I'm quite fond of your particular style. Mr Jarvis would certainly not approve."

Anthony grinned up at her. "Really? Dirty boxing?"

"Mhm?"

He scoffed. "I don't believe you."

"How you spell your name, Ms Romanova?" Peggy called from her chair.

Natalia knew Peggy was searching her up. She also knew the Red Room agents assigned to this case would handle it. "Romanova, R-O-M-A-N-O-V-A."

"Thank you."

Natalia kept her gaze on Peggy as the woman scrolled through her job listings as a Royale Rouge agent. She knew Peggy would try to hack as many systems as she could, but she knew Peggy had a limit. The woman was brilliant, but she was a war strategist, not a tech genius. Natalia had full faith that her agents would be able to keep Peggy out.

Anthony was not impressed and decided to show off. "Rule number one, never take your eye off your opponent."

He moved to attack Natalia and without even looking away from Peggy, Natalia caught Anthony's arm and threw him over before pinning him down by his own arm.

"Oh my God, Anthony!" Peggy cried, standing up quickly.

Natalia released Anthony, whose eyes were sparkling. "Can you teach me how to do that?"

"Do what?"

"What you just did," Anthony said, wildly gesturing to Natalia.

"That was instinct, Anthony. It's a skill. It takes years to master it."

"How long did it take you?"

"Two, three years. Maybe."

"Can you teach me, then? As long as you're here, working for my father, can you teach me what you know?"

Natalia studied the excited teenager, the bright look in his eyes, the raw delight on his face. Who knew how long she'd even be there for? "I suppose it can't hurt to teach you some self defence."

"Yes!"

Peggy watched as Anthony jumped out of the ring and sprinted away. Natalia slid under and out of the ring. "You're not really going to teach him self defence, are you?"

"Why not?"

"I . . . er, fair enough. Cone with me, Mr Jarvis has sent Mr Stark to a boardroom to meet with you."

Natalia quickly slipped her heels back in and straightened her suit. "Presentable?" she asked Peggy, running her fingers through her hair.

"Mm, hold still." Peggy pulled a few pins from her hair and pulled back the sides of Natalia's straightened locks, twisting them into a small, neat bun that she pinned in place. "Right. Let's go."

Natalia tried very hard to quell the warmth she was receiving from Anthony, Peggy and even briefly, Edwin Jarvis.

///////////////

"Look, Mr Stark, I understand that you believe you need the entire military watching over you, but it's obvious the United States government cannot provide that. I'm very good at my job, Mr Stark, and I can assure you that your security is of higher importance than my own."

Howard Stark leaned back in his chair and studied Natalia. "They couldn't send someone . . . scarier?"

Natalia smiled. "Trust me, Mr Stark, nothing is scarier than a woman who can kill someone with a crayon."

Howard frowned. "How do I know I can trust your credibility?"

"Well, I've prepared a report, but you can ask Ms Carter to list off my records for the last two years if you'd prefer."

Peggy sat up alert when Natalia casually gestured in her direction. Howard turned to the woman sitting across his new bodyguard. "Peg?"

"Uh. . ."

"Anything to say?"

"Uh, well, Ms Romanova is credited with over seventeen prevented assassinations in the last two years, of which eight have been monarchs, two have been presidents, four were minor celebrities, two major celebrities, and one paranoid civilian. Her training includes mixed martial arts, several forms of pure martial arts, stealth and surveillance, marksmanship, as well as undocumented and unofficial street fighting. She is undoubtedly Royale Rouge Security's best agent and more than qualified for this job."

Natalia slid the report to the stunned Howard and watched as he checked Peggy's statements against it.

"How did you know?" Peggy asked, curious.

"You asked me to spell my name, Ms Carter. Deduction."

Peggy shrugged and leaned back, satisfied. She leaned forward again. "How did you know I only went back two years?"

"Given the length of my record and the time between spelling my name and leaving the room, you can't have scrolled very far. If you did, you would not have caught everything. It was an educated guess."

Peggy nodded and leaned back again. "Well, I do believe Howard is safest in your hands, Ms Romanova."

Natalia know this was the perfect opportunity to ask why Howard needed her protection, why they believed someone was after Howard. She knew she should ask. But she could not. If she did, Madame B would change her task, order her to get the item with no regard for anyone else.

Natalia did not frown, but she wanted to. Why should she want to prolong not knowing? Why should she want to be in the company of these people any longer than necessary?

Why was she latching on to Howard's admiring gaze, Jarvis's polite smiles, Peggy's approving nods, Anthony's amazed stares?

Why?

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Masterpost

[icedanceupstarts]

2018 GPF Recap

Wrapping up the Grand Prix Series before we head into Nationals Season! We were very excited to see this field and get some questions answered, and answered they were. Click through for more analysis of performances, momentum, trajectories, all as your mods try very hard not to say “I told you so”(But like, we told you so). As always, read fast before the links die!

Rhythm Dance

Sinitsina/Katsalapov opened the senior rhythm dance with their powerful, intricate tango that was our favorite of the event. They skate really close together, and very smoothly and cohesively, a towering testament to how far their partnering has come in four years.

This was not the first time they've struggled with levels on that rotational lift, cool as it is. They also received a level 2 at Skate Canada. It's a difficult, eye catching lift, but Nikita fell short of six rotations here, dropping the level to a 2. He's always been a somewhat shaky rotator, being especially notorious for messing up on his twizzles, though he's improved leaps and bounds there.  Sometimes a little shakiness creeps in, as it did here, but the rotation was smooth and confident a couple weeks ago at IdF. It's a really good lift, and well choreographed for the tango, so we really hope they can get their rotations consistent because we'd hate to see them take it out. Had they received a level 4, they would have been second in the rhythm dance, a point out of first.

Hawayek/Baker had a tough act to follow, but they performed admirably at their first GPF. This was a tough tech panel, so Hawayek/Baker managing to avoid getting basic calls on either section of the pattern for the first time this season is better than it appears. They've developed a really nice maturity in their fifth senior season that only emphasizes their natural musicality.

One thing we like about this tango is how it's choreographed so that the music for the step sequence increases in tempo as they go through the element. It's very difficult to portray the shift in expression and movement mid element, and it's an admirable challenge they've set for themselves. It might be a more climactic ending to their program than their lift, as nicely timed to the music as it is.

While they weren't as on fire as they were at NHK, Zagorski/Guerreiro still delivered a solid performance here at their first GPF. Considering the drama of his skates arriving late, they should feel proud of their decent skate here. With how long and complicated the tango romantica is, it's hard to get the keypoints in the second half if you miss your timing in the first section, so kudos there. They opened with great twizzles, fast and with lots of ice coverage. There's a nice warm tension between them throughout, and they make good use of their long lines to accent the music.

Bringing their usual drama but not their best tech were Stepanova/Bukin, who were a little disappointed by their fourth place finish in this segment. They opened with a strong set of twizzles that thankfully weren't the popular yet small sit twizzle variation they've been struggling to execute at a high level for several years. The ones they used here have much stronger ice coverage and got them off to a great start that carried through their midline step sequence, if unfortunately not their pattern. There have been complaints all season that levels don't matter-- well they did here. Getting just one key point is so crucial when the teams are this close, as the point loss between a level 1 and a base level is nearly three times as much as between a level 2 and a level 1. We really love this program, and their performance was still on point. They use her ridiculously long legs to great effect, and the intensity of their expression and their musicality is just perfect. We really hope they can bring the technical proficiency they showed at Helsinki at Nationals next week.

We were very interested to see what Hubbell/Donohue have been up to, as they've had the longest to prepare, and even more so after we heard of the changes they were making. The original version of their tango was going for something more subtle and tense, but the revamped version allows them to let loose and better utilize their power and amplitude. The tension of the first half could be a little better utilized for greater impact when it breaks and they go into their dynamic midline steps, but the changes definitely are a more natural fit for their powerful, dramatic skating style. There are still a few tweaks they could make to the transitions and overall feel, but they skated very well.

We'd say we weren't feeling a little smug about Guignard/Fabbri coming second in the rhythm dance, but we cannot tell a lie. They've been very technically strong and consistent all season, which as we pointed out would come more into play at GPF where the differences between PCS and GOE were smaller. With no music mishap to distract them or saddle them with a bogus music deduction they came in a strong second, ahead of the Russians(which, again, we previously noted was possible, and would have happened at Helsinki had it not been for the music issues). There's a real level of maturity and polish to them, and a confidence that many of their fellow competitors did not share. The tango suits them really well, and all their movements are precise, placed, and finished. They don't have quite the same level of speed and ice coverage as the other medal contenders and so had to be better in the other aspects of their skating to fight for a medal, and they did just that.

Free Dance

Hawayek/Baker may be a little disappointed with their placement here, but someone had to come #actuallylast, and they still performed extremely well, the best they have thus far this season. There's been some debate over whether this free dance is Hawayek/Baker's style, or Montreal style, and your mods would like to humbly put forward that it is both. The general style is the sort of light, emotional, lyrical genre that they've explored various aspects of over the past few years (Amelie, Romeo and Juliet, The Theory of Everything, Liebestraum, Liebestraum: Once More With Feeling), but in terms of choreography it's like Gadbois threw up on them. It feels a little like what would happen if you forced a bot to watch hours and hours of Montreal programs and then had it create one itself. Which is not to say it's a bad program-- the structuring is very nice, the elements are well integrated into the choreography, it builds well, and there are some really nice choreographic touches like his slide or their spread eagles. What we still struggle with is the interpretation. While this was their most engaged, expressive performance yet, it made the program more emotionally confusing and incoherent. They clearly love this program and their joy is infectious, but also a very odd choice with how mournful the lyrics are. We can't tell what the storyline is supposed to be or what they're trying to convey to us. It may be that they're interpreting the music rather than the lyrics, which is a valid choice, but then they need to take out the lyrics so we're not jarred out of the performance when the singer is going on about how their love is gone and he's lost and Kaitlin and Jean-Luc look downright ecstatic. But if you can get past that it's a gripping performance of a program suited to their style of skating.

Stepanova/Bukin gave a fiery performance but were unable to make up the gap. This was good but not the best they've performed it. We love this program and they definitely had the crowd going, but the entire time we couldn't help but feel like they'd skated this better in the past. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what was off. There was Ivan's twizzlol which cost them around two points, if not more, which would have at least gotten them a medal. Combined with their pattern issues from the rhythm dance and the tough break of skating in the first group for the free, several points were left on the table in a competition where absolutely every point and fraction of a point mattered. But Stepanova/Bukin have never been a team to wallow in disappointment, and just last season came back at Worlds (where we promise they didn’t flop!) after not getting the invite they needed for the Olympics with performances at the level of their personal bests set at a home Europeans. We fully expect to see them looking better than ever at Nationals, ready to fight like hell for their National title.

There are a lot of weird coincidences in skating, such as at least three different skaters using In This Shirt or Tokio Myer's Bloodstream, but two tall, leggy Russian teams in all black skating blues free dances back to back is further proof that the skating hivemind is real. With a smaller lead over Hawayek/Baker than they had at NHK, Zagorski/Guerreiro needed to substantially improve their execution of their free dance in order to place #notlast, and they rose to the occasion. It's still very much a work in progress, but this was their smoothest outing yet. Still some slight shakiness going into the opening combination lift, but the position is striking and perfect for the mood once they get into it, and the transition to the stationary portion was a lot smoother. They're such a tall, striking team, and this free dance does a lot to show off their lines and strong body shaping. We don't love this music but we love the way they interpret it. For the most part we just think this program needs further cleaning up, but we do take issue with the ending pose. It's certainly unique, but it's also a little wobbly and way more than a little weird. Surely there is a final pose they can find where it doesn't look like she's drunk and can't stand up.

Sinitsina/Katsalapov reminded everyone who assumed they'd slot neatly into Russia #2 without a fight that they beat Hubbell/Donohue in the free dance at Skate Canada and their Season's Best score going into this event was near identical to both Hubbell/Donohue and Stepanova/Bukin, and not to count them out. They've always been a couple with potential but it's really astonishing to see how far they've come, both in terms of actual skating and competitive mettle. Even hanging on through a slight loss of balance in their opening straight line lift. There is some great choreo through the first section (except okay why does Nikita stick his head in Vika's back while she flourishes her arms beautifully? the world may never know) if not the most exciting music choice. The last minute really picks up with some wild chaos in a way that makes us kind of wish the whole program was like that. Last season’s free dance was probably the best one of their partnership, but you know what, they fully commit to this program and it’s great to see them skating so well and looking happy with their performances.

Much like in the rhythm dance, we were eager to see the changes Hubbell/Donohue made to the free dance, and there certainly were changes. We're not quite sure how to feel about them yet simply because the program feels unfinished, in an inbetween stage. It's like the skating equivalent of a molting chicken. We think the more dramatic O, Verona piece is much better suited to their powerful skating, but you can definitely feel that the program has been hastily reworked. With the new more dramatic opening, we'd think a more climactic finish would tie things together and give the piece a stronger, defined storyline and emotional progression. As it is currently, it feels somewhat unfocused and meandering. Their basic skating quality is undeniably top notch, however, and they sold the program from the start.

As we may have mentioned the result here didn't surprise us, but what did was just how genuinely thrilled we were for Guignard/Fabbri. They've been dismissed and overlooked and underestimated for so long and have worked so hard for this result, and we couldn't be happier for them. We genuinely like this free dance too. It feels like a throwback in the best possible way, and the upbeat dancey section in the middle is so charming and refreshing. In an era where some argue that there's not enough acrobatic, obvious difficulty in lifts, Guignard/Fabbri give you no cause to complain, and just assume that we're always raving about their twizzle entry.

So this weekend generated some controversy as you have probably noticed! Honestly we're not sure we feel like bothering getting into it that much again. The new system has done Things to scoring! Some of them good, several bad, and some of them five point knee slides, which is to say ???!?!?!?? Time will tell as to how many of these actually last more than a season. We're just really not sure what more there is to say about it at this point. We are as always interested to see where ice dance goes from here, and what changes are made after this season, but also what happens at worlds where we suspect those levels will make or break it for several teams.

For the record, we don't actually think that Gadbois has some sort of strategy where they're purposefully ignoring levels. No coaching group has exactly been crushing it and Gadbois has always been a little stronger at picking up GOE than BV. With the upping of requirements for levels combined with smaller differences in levels and the new GOE system, it's led to this result. And the teams this weekend generally didn't bring their best tech, regardless of coaching group. One reason it would be foolish to ignore levels is that it's very easy for a level 1 on the pattern to turn into a Basic call, which is killer as Stepanova/Bukin learned. It's something a top team can get away with in weaker fields, sure, but if Hubbell/Donohue had gotten a B instead of a level 1 on the second half of their pattern, they could have been in big trouble. Stepanova/Bukin and Hubbell/Donohue both hit three key points and missed five, but missing all four on one side hurt Stepanova/Bukin more. Final standings could have looked different just changing a level or two rendering them Still Important, particularly in close fields, no matter the scoring.

We have expressed numerous objections to the scoring system this season, but we feel obligated to point out that while the champions winning with the lowest BV is less than ideal, the difference was three points. If you don't think a world medalist team would have been able to overcome a three point BV difference on the strength of their GOE and PCS in previous seasons, we have a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn. Additionally, while we can't say that Hubbell/Donohue's free dance is one of our favorites of this season, or even this field, it's a position we're so often in that it doesn't even register at this point. Our tastes in programs and teams often run against the more popular opinions, if we declared a result illegitimate because we didn't personally care for a program, we'd have to throw out a lot of competitions. We're extremely used to analyzing and praising the strengths of teams and programs we'd cheerfully never watch again for the rest of our lives.

We're big fans of Stepanova/Bukin, and while we're disappointed for them, we thought the results were fair. And we’re not planning their funeral just yet, though we promise we do about the future of their career. This wouldn't be the first time fandom has declared a team over and prepared to dissect them and declare the exact cause of death only for the team in question to bolt upright on the table in the morgue, confused, full of life, and demanding to know why there are so many people hovering over them with scalpels. Sinitsina/Katsalapov's own career has been “over”, conservatively, at least six times over the past quad. We remember hearing very definitively that after they were put behind Zagorski/Guerreiro in the Nationals SD last season following more twizzle troubles that it was clear the Fed had dumped them for good and there was no point in them continuing. Now we're being told just as definitively that they're the Fed darlings because Nikita is an Olympic medalist(something which has been true for the past four years), so clearly someone here is confused. Additionally, we always thought it very possible that the top Russian team at GPF and the National Champion might not be same team, so the grieving strikes us as a little premature. It’s way too early to call, but we are very interested in how these storylines continue to play out through the rest of the season, and particularly how the new scoring system will continue to play out.

[stormborn930]

What are you waiting for?

Daenerys ends up in trouble at work when she's joined by a young new intern at her London Auction House. Just how much trouble can Jon Snow get her into? He's just a rough Northerner isn't he?

A tale of initial bitterness and resent that might just spark the start of something beautiful.

Read here on AO3

Preview: "She didn’t change her stony expression as she greeted him. He held out his hand to shake hers, when she reached to take his hand she felt him tense ever so slightly. His hand was cool and firm beneath her soft fiery palm, she quickly moved her hand away to her side to avoid lingering too long. She watched as Jon abruptly moved his hand to his side and clenched his fist, as if annoyed. “Nice to meet you Jon.” She spoke coolly and calmly, as she made his acquaintance. “Nice to meet you too Daenerys.” He replied, his voice was deep and thick, like the most wonderful honey. She liked the way her name sounded as it flowed off his tongue. She still wasn’t going to let him get away with this intrusion into her job though"

************************************* Jonerys week - Day 4 ~ Modern AU

The hot haze crept over London early on this sweltering Monday in June. Daenerys threw the covers half off and felt herself toss and turn in a fit of restlessness. Her alarm broke her half-slumber when she looked at the clock and realised it was 8am. She had to be at work in 45 minutes for the annual art review; probably the most important day of the year at work.

She stumbled out of bed and tried to make her way to the bathroom in a hurry, it was hard not to trip over something in her tiny one bedroom apartment. She made a mental note to actually tidy up when she got home from work. Her flat was small but convenient, situated right next to the tube station in Hammersmith. Although it was small, it was light and airy and she was proud that she had been able to afford to rent something in such a good location, especially considering her salary as an art history intern at the Leon Auction house in Knightsbridge. She was especially proud of her achievements getting a position at one of the top auction houses in the city. All the troubles in her childhood and her impoverished past had made her more determined to progress in her chosen career.

She glanced in the mirror at her pale skin and tangled hair, as she quickly tried to brush her teeth and apply make up at the same time. She swept her long platinum hair up into a messy ponytail and quickly applied a little mascara and eyeliner to frame her thick dark eyebrows and her perfect blue eyes, that sometimes appeared violet in the right light. Descending from a long lineage of French aristocrats, she knew her beauty was inherited and although her distinctive features made her stand out, she was proud of her heritage and identity.

She was beautiful and she knew it. Sometimes she used her beauty to her advantage, but most of the time she hated the lustful glances that men gave her. She often just wanted to blend into the background and gain things from merit alone rather than beauty. She was late and needed to get a move on if she was going to make it into work in time. She hurriedly pulled on a black dress, just appropriate enough for work, and a pair of cream heels before grabbing her bag, purse and keys and heading for the door.

The tube was sweltering and full of commuters, she would just make it in time if she ran to the office afterwards. Her boss, Sir Tyrion Lannister, was a very generous and friendly man but she also knew he had a temper and she didn’t want to get on his wrong side. She grabbed her phone from her purse and quickly sent a message to her best friend and colleague, Missandei, letting her know she would be running a bit late.

When she stumbled through the turnstile with just a few minutes till she had to be there, she was greeted by Missandei smiling up at her from the reception desk. “Good morning sunshine. You look tired, have any fun last night?” Daenerys stifled a snort. “Absolutely not! Unless you count eating my weight in chocolate and watching rubbish TV as a fun night.” She knew that Missandei was trying to get the gossip out of her about her casual romance with a young Spanish actor called Daario. They had been sleeping together on-off for the last few months, but if truth be told he didn’t really mean anything to her. He was there when she needed to offload some of her emotion and angst onto someone, plus he was great in bed, but she really didn’t feel much of an emotional connection with him.

She had struggled to open herself up to men since her first love, a handsome Turkish wrestler called Drogo, had passed away in a tragic car accident. She often thought of him; sometimes it bought tears to her eyes and other times she was so angry about it that she almost shook with rage. Daenerys had a dark secret, she harboured a temper and a fury like no other. Her older brother, Viserys, had once likened their angry family trait to the ferocity of a dragon. He scolded her regularly in their youth by claiming she had awoken the dragon when she displeased him.

That seemed like a lifetime ago now, and she wondered why he had popped into her thoughts at that moment. She was bought back to earth by her boss, Sir Tyrion entering the foyer with his brother Jamie Lannister, who was a wealthy banker at his father’s firm in the city. Daenerys disliked Jamie as he always seemed smug and entitled whenever she had met him. He always looked at her like she was a piece of meat rather than a person, which was something that she despised.

In complete contrast Tyrion Lannister was a kind man; he was always dressed in beautifully tailored suits and walked with an ornate cane. He commanded a huge presence in the room despite him only being around 4ft 5”. Daenerys thought he was good looking, in a rugged kind of way. He had kind eyes, a mop of floppy greying brown hair and a scar across his face from when he served in armed forces in Iraq.

“Good Morning, Daenerys, Missandei.” Tyrion smiled as he entered his ID card into the turnstile. “Daenerys please would you follow me, it’s going to be a busy day today and I’ve managed to draft in another intern to help you with the art review today.” She glanced across to Missandei and gave her a look, as if to ask about this other intern. Missandei answered with a silent shrug and started looking through the papers on her desk. Daenerys could feel her blood boiling.  She desperately didn’t want anyone with a better track record than hers to challenge her position at the firm.

She quickly caught up with Tyrion and thought to voice her concerns. “I’m really sorry Sir, but I’ll be quite alright on my own today. I’ve done the art review before and I do know what I’m looking for. I promise I can handle it.” She was being stubborn and could feel the anger building. She was trying to be diplomatic but she thought she might scream. The prospect of her losing her position as the top intern at the firm was a nightmare to her. Tyrion glanced round, “I know you are very good at your job Daenerys, but I think it’s high time you shared the position with another worthy art historian. Jon Snow is well known in the art history circle after his education with the famed Night’s Watch Academy in the North.”

Tyrion was rambling on about this new intern, but Daenerys couldn’t see straight. She was fuming. He already had much better credentials than her and he was well known in the art world. He probably had a rich father, she thought to herself.  She had been through so much hardship in her short life that this job was everything she had dreamed of and worked so hard to achieve. She was going to have to be authoritative and put this man in his place. Tyrion brought her back into the present. “Daenerys, are you even listening to me?” He chided. “Yes of course." She mumbled. This Jon Snow. What is he like?”

She kept her tone short and clipped but not rude. Tyrion after all was her boss and he had helped her a great deal in the last few years at Leon. “He’s an honest man, I met him a few years back when I visited the Night’s Watch academy. He had just joined and they speculated that he was going to have a bright future.” Tyrion smiled at her. “He sounds like quite a man.” She managed to mutter with a hint of sarcasm. “Right well I’ll leave you to it then. Come and meet Jon and I in the conference room in around half an hour.” He smiled warmly at her as he walked away, his ornate cane clinking against the alabaster floor of the foyer.

She was furious, damn Jon Snow and his titles, academy, rich father and honesty. She wasn’t going to let him get away with taking her credit for the art review. She sped up down the corridor to find Olenna waiting for her in the office. Olenna Tyrell was around her late 60’s with warm kind eyes and soft features. You could see that she had been stunning in her youth. Her hair was always fashioned into an elaborate up do and she always wore stunning coloured dresses that made her look younger than her age.

“Morning Olenna.” Daenerys smiled at her through the office door. “Have you seen Jorah this morning?”  She was looking for her favourite porter, because she knew she could rant to him about her newest frustration. “Good morning my dear. I’m afraid I haven’t seen him but I’m sure he will be around somewhere. What time do you want to start the review?” She asked Daenerys. “I hear we have a new recruit this morning, would be nice to have some eye candy in the office.” Olenna chuckled.

Daenerys rolled her eyes, “Olenna, you’re a shocker! He’s from the North so he’s probably a bit rough. Not likely my taste at all.” Daenerys smirked at Olenna. She liked her men tall, tanned and usually from mysterious and foreign lands, not some snowy northern city she had never visited. “Well you never know dear, keep an open mind.” Olenna returned with a smirk. “Well certainly not today, I’m much too busy for that” Daenerys laughed and left Olenna to go and get a couple of coffees from the break room.

Leon was a cavernous place, with many small rooms leading off from a large ornate corridor. The walls were lavishly decorated in rich red wallpaper and gold chandeliers hung from all the ceilings. In typical Lannister fashion the whole building exuded pomp and wealth, after all the Lannister’s were the richest family in the U.K. When she reached the break room she grabbed two black coffees and headed to the Porters office.

She had known Jorah Mormont since she was at the gallery in Astipori and they had become firm friends at work, despite their big age gap. Jorah had kind eyes, a wide smile and a weather-beaten face. His hardened features suggested that he was older than his tender 40 years, but his fair hair and pale eyes kept him somewhat youthful. She felt like he was her older brother or uncle and she knew he was fond of her, sometimes too fond she thought. She walked into the small porter’s office than held 2 chairs, a desk, and all the monitors to the vast CCTV systems that were in place at the offices. She knew that they could never be too careful with these priceless art works.

She whipped into Jorah’s office, still with an air of annoyance about her upcoming meeting with Jon Snow. “Morning Princess.” Jorah smiled sweetly at her from his place behind the desk. He looked tired and she knew then that he had been on the night shift last night as well. “You look tired Jorah, here I bought you your coffee. Sadly, I can’t stay and drink mine this morning because I have to meet the new intern.” She spoke the last words venomously. Jorah looked up at her while she was standing in the doorway. “What’s wrong with the new intern? I’ve heard from Davos that he’s a nice guy.” Jorah smiled sweetly at her, the corners of his eyes creasing.

“Oh, not you too.” She whinged and looked down at her feet instead of at Jorah. Maybe she was being too harsh on a man she had never met? Still she didn’t want to appear weak so she was going to keep her cool exterior until she knew more about this man. “Why don’t you give him a chance. I’m sure he’s not like all those other pompous bastards from Oxford, Cambridge and St. Andrews.” Jorah knew how to keep her reasonable when all she could see is red. “I suppose you’re right, I’ll let him impress me himself. See you later Jorah.” With that she turned and walked back up the stairs and towards the conference room. She smiled inwardly at the thought of this meeting. She was determined to put this Jon Snow in his place.

Daenerys truly felt like a queen when she walked through the lavish rooms at Leon. She loved the sound of her heels hitting the floor as she stepped up to the large red double doors that housed the conference room behind. The marble conference room looked like it had just been moved from the Palace of Versailles into their offices in London. The floor was a rich white marble with fine black grains running through it, the walls were a pale red stone and above them on the ceiling was an almost perfect replica of The Last Judgement by Giorgio Vasari. The original resides in the Florence Duomo, which is one of Tyrion’s favourite places in the world, hence the lavish replica at Leon.

As Daenerys stared up at the beautiful ceiling she didn’t even want to think about the cost of that painting. The left door swung open as she pushed ever so gently against it, making sure she didn’t embarrass herself by swinging the door open too wildly. As she stepped in she saw three men gathered around one side of the ornate stone table that took up the middle of the meeting room. Tyrion and the new intern, Jon Snow, were deep in conversation, while Davos placed some back catalogues of their art work onto the table. She drew in a breath as she walked over to the men, determined to show them that she deserved to be here.

Everyone looked up as she approached the table, she didn’t let her expression falter as she looked at all their faces. Jon was not at all what she was expecting. He was shorter than she had presumed, with a rugged jawline covered in a neat black beard. He wore his thick dark curls swept up into a messy bun and he had striking grey eyes that were almost black under the dim chandelier light. He carried himself well with wide masculine shoulders and was smartly dressed in cream chinos and a fitted blue shirt, rolled up to the elbows. She could see that his arms and hands were muscular, and his skin a weathered tone from a lot of time outdoors.

Without lingering too long on this handsome stranger she moved her gaze to Tyrion. “Ah Daenerys, just in time. Jon has arrived and we were just explaining the cataloguing process.” Tyrion moved to introduce the two of them. “Jon Snow, this is Daenerys Targaryen. Our most trusted intern at the firm.” She didn’t change her stony expression as she greeted him. He held out his hand to shake hers, when she reached to take his hand she felt him tense ever so slightly. His hand was cool and firm beneath her soft fiery palm, she quickly moved her hand away to her side to avoid lingering too long. She watched as Jon abruptly moved his hand to his side and clenched his fist, as if annoyed. “Nice to meet you Jon.” She spoke coolly and calmly, as she made his acquaintance. “Nice to meet you too Daenerys.” He replied, his voice was deep and thick, like the most wonderful honey.

She liked the way her name sounded as it flowed off his tongue. She still wasn’t going to let him get away with this intrusion into her job though. “Once we’ve showed Jon the cataloguing process we will let you two get on with it.” Davos said from over the table. Davos Seaworth was once of the art restorers for Leon and he was a kind gruff older man with grey hair and a salt and pepper beard. His face told tales of misadventures in his youth and his eyes often shined when he spoke of his family. Daenerys liked Davos, he was always kind to her and he had a very good eye for detail when it came to the paintings. She straightened her back and looked from Davos right into Jon’s stony grey eyes “We’d better get to work Jon Snow.” The words slipped coolly off her tongue and were shot with a bit more spite than was originally intended.

The two of them entered the lift down to the cellar in complete silence. Daenerys couldn’t think of anything to say to Jon so she thought she had better just keep quiet. He was surprisingly attractive but she wasn’t picking up any vibes from him. She was stunning and it usually isn’t a surprise to her when men stare at her for too long or feel out of their depth in her presence, but Jon hasn’t really looked at her once save a few cursory glances.  Perhaps he’s already taken or he’s just too honourable to have a workplace romance? She mused to herself about Jon’s personal life as they took the lift down to the cellar.

She tried her hardest to look at her feet and not up at his handsome face. She didn’t want him to distract her while she was trying to decide what kind of person she thought he was. He did have an air of arrogance and she was sure that this was from his privileged upbringing. Maybe his father is the reason he has this job. Sly little shit she thought, there she was having no parents or family to support her in the world and he was here because of his family name. The lift jolted to a halt and Daenerys suddenly realised how awkward the atmosphere in the lift had been. 

“Jon, Welcome to The Cellar, where we house our complete collection.” She broke the uncomfortable silence by reeling off some facts about Leon and how many paintings were housed down here. It was unnervingly quiet in the cellar today, the cavernous arches of a disused wine cellar now held some of the world’s most expensive artefacts, each wrapped with the most protection and placed carefully on their shelves awaiting, valuation, restoration or sales. It was cold and dark down here, with only a few small lights illuminating the shelves and above the tables in the centre of the room. Daenerys reached for a switch and suddenly the whole space was bathed in bright light. Jon gasped as he saw just how huge the cellar was and how many shelves of paintings there were housed here. She looked at him as he stared round the room but she said nothing. He was such an enigma to her, she wasn’t sure where to even start with getting to know him.

[yesteachersblog]

Comunicación Efectiva

Writing in the Hispanic and Latin(x) Discourse Community: 

This blog post is intended to help educators understand the best way to approach writing (genre) for students’ part of the Hispanic and Latinx discourse community (subject matter) in order to help them achieve college readiness. 

The Differences Between Hispanic and Latino/a (https://www.hnmagazine.com/2017/09/difference-hispanic-latino/)

Defining terms

A person who identifies as Latino or Latina: Comes from Latin America: “Unlike Hispanic, which refers to language, Latino is a term that refers to geography. It is used to signify that a person is from or descended from people from Latin America. It is, in fact, a shortened form of the Spanish phrase latinoamericano — Latin American, in English.Like Hispanic, Latino does not technically speaking, refer to race. Anybody from Central or South America and the Caribbean can be described as Latino. Within that group, like within Hispanic, there are varieties of races. Latinos can be white, Black, indigenous American, Mestizo, mixed, and even of Asian descent.” 

Latinx: A term used to replace Latino and Latina to promote inclusivity. 

A person who identifies as Hispanic: Comes from a Spanish speaking country and background: “Hispanic refers to what language people speak or that their ancestors spoke, it refers to an element of culture.This means that, as an identity category, it is closest to the definition of ethnicity, which groups people based on a shared common culture. However, people of many different ethnicities can identify as Hispanic, so it’s actually more broad than ethnicity. Consider that people who originate from Mexico, the Dominican Republic, and Puerto Rico will have come from very different cultural backgrounds, excepting their language and possibly their religion. Because of this, many people considered Hispanic today equate their ethnicity with their or their ancestors’ country of origin, or with an ethnic group within this country.” 

When I was in high school, I remember feeling lost at the question of what I wanted to do in the future. As someone who dedicated themselves to taking honor and AP classes I knew that I wanted to attend University but had no idea where to even begin looking. There was not a lot of direct support from my school or my community in regard to college preparation. The only help I actually received came from my AP English teacher that I had taken classes with my Junior year. She was running an afterschool program to help guide students through the application process for applying to local universities and community colleges, but it was very vague. Nobody really tells you what needs to go in your college application, what an application letter looks like, where you can get help filling out your FAFSA, nothing. It was up to me entirely to figure all of these procedures out if I wanted to attend University. Looking back, I think if I had had better guidance, I might have been able to apply for more scholarships and even out of state schools. However, we can’t go back and change the past, only the future.

Being a first generation student, you can’t ask your parents for help, because they’ve never applied for college, most of them never even made it past middle school in their home countries. In a study done by Angelica M Tello “The Role of High School and College Counselors in Supporting the Psychosocial and Emotional Needs of Latinx First-Generation College Students” https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1164907.pdf She describes how these first-generation college students  or (FGCS) are “a growing population faced with unique challenges for college retention and graduation. Because their parents did not attend postsecondary education, this group of college students has not inherited the social or cultural capital common to many traditional college freshmen. Both high school and college counselors are in positions to support the psychosocial and emotional needs of Hispanic and Latinx FGCS, which may increase successful college completion rates.” (Tello, 349) As a collective culture, the Hispanic and Latinx community believes strongly in hard work and dedication, something that many young students carry with them all throughout their public education experience. But no matter how hard you work and study there will always be obstacles to overcome, the problem is if you have the motivation and support to jump these hurdles.

Motivation, guidance, and support, that is what young students in the Hispanic and Latinx discourse community need if they are to succeed in the higher education setting and make it to college. Now that I have graduated from a four-year university and am attending graduate school, I know that it is possible to beat the odds and make it out of the community that once held me back. It is important to be able to recognize and understand the way a community functions and the genres part of it if you are to try and help instill change. Charles Bazerman describes genre as the activity systems we are a part of that shape our lives. He claims, “these organized complexes of communication shape our ongoing relationships and identities, and within these complexes we change and develop through our sequences of mediated participation.” (Bazerman 15) Therefore, we must understand how members of specific community have come to form their identities and discourse languages that influence their lives and perspectives. Our social spaces help us develop different genres of communication and sometimes these spaces also can influence how we perceive the world around us. These perceptions, however, are not definite set in stone. Just as language is constantly changing and evolving so are we.

As I mentioned, the first step to help this specific discourse community is motivation. Motivation inside the classroom means providing materials, projects, and academic opportunities that will allow students to practice writing in their familiar genres while meeting writing requirements. Students will be more engaged in school if they can form a connection with what is being taught while expressing their voices. In another study done by Jason Irizarry “En La Lucha: The Struggles and Triumphs of Latino/a Preservice Teachers” https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ988308 the study found that many of these participants in the cohort of Latino/a students experienced “systematic silencing, the result of the acts of individual agents and institutional practices and policies that manifested in overt and subtle forms of subordination.” Which in turn, pushed them away from pursuing their educational career. Motivation can also look like positive feedback.

Sometimes, members of the Hispanic and Latinx discourse community have different interpretations of genre writing requirements. Since our context shapes our understanding of genre, many students may have influence of genre styles from their first languages which can interfere with the requirements of genre pieces in schools. As teachers, we should not dismiss their genre writing as wrong, but rather open up to the idea that genre doesn’t have to mean only one thing. The term genre is ever changing, Amy J. Devitt notes the issue with viewing genre in this manner, “The common understanding of genre among too many composition scholars and teachers today is that genre is a relatively trivial concept, a classification system deriving from literary criticism that names types of texts according to their forms. Viewed in this way, genre is not only a rather trivial concept but

also, a potentially destructive one, one that conflicts with our best understandings of how writing, writers, and readers work, one that encourages the dichotomies in our field.” (Devitt 574) Motivation should look like encouragement, writing encouraging feedback can go a long way.

The final requirements I mentioned are guidance and support, inside and outside of the classroom. Guidance and support go hand in hand when it comes to increasing students’ possibilities of attending community college and beyond. Teachers can provide time in class to connect learning material to future uses, such as; teaching how to write cover letters and application letters, teaching academic writing versus non-academic writing, providing resources and materials with information on college applications, and even having mock application writing assignments. Throughout these activities and assignments its important to again remember genre and the role it plays in our students’ writing. Guiding them to use the appropriate genre for each setting can come a long way in their futures. Supporting students by being a vessel of information and a resource to their education should be a part of every teachers plan. Hosting outside activities like college tours, after school programs, and even clubs can also help support these students. It may not be doable for all teachers considering funding and time but seeking out help from the community and reaching out to parents can help, as long as they are made aware it is for their children’s futures.

All students are entitled to education, but not just k-12, they should have the same opportunity to reach college despite their backgrounds, culture, socioeconomics, identity, etc. In “Literacy from a Right to Education” by Gianna Alessandra Sanchez Moretti and Tobias Frandell, the authors describe education as:

“The human right to education, as a social good, constitutes a solid foundation for human development. Its implementation, protection, fulfillment and promotion can lead to the creation of opportunities, freedom of choice, economic sustainable growth, improvement of health conditions, poverty reduction, social mobility enhancement, and prevention of autocratic rule (Coomans, 2007, p.185). In other words, education is a means to risk-prevention, as well as a tool that can help improve the human quality of life in a sustainable manner. Not only does the right to education have intrinsic value, but it is indispensable for the exercise of all human rights. A quality education as a right becomes the concrete key that empowers individuals to fully develop their personalities and participate in society through the acquisition of knowledge, human values and skills. Thus, education as a right can provide a solid tool in poverty reduction strategies worldwide.”

Establishing the importance of education in the Hispanic and Latinx community can help bring students out of poverty and crime by creating opportunities for a better life. The Hispanic and Latinx discourse community is only one of many minority groups that face low retention rates when it comes to college enrollment and completion. Although I am writing for my specific community, much of this can be applied to others as well. As teachers, our goal should be to see our students succeed not only in our classrooms, but outside in their personal lives as well. We have the ability to help make this happen, so let’s use our knowledge and experiences to build students up and guide them down the right educational path.

[cecil-mudokon-defunct]

💔 - A heartbreak (anyone you want lol)

The way the day started was so ordinary. Bruno and I woke up to the sounds of nature. Light shining through the trees, and the chirping of nearby birds, all promising signs it was going to be a good one. It had become warmer. The freezing tundras being little more than a distant memory.

The two of us had been traveling together for what Bruno explained to be an entire season. The intricacies of the passing of time still perplexed me. But I trusted he knew more about it than I did. We spent most of our time walking from one destination to the next, what that destination was, neither of us were sure of. We didn’t stay in the same place for long. Not wanting to deplete an area of its resources we’d move regularly.

During one of such travels, we were walking through the lush forest looking for something to eat. As Bruno explained the differences between what he defined as mushrooms his words suddenly went silent. I can’t even begin to try wrapping my head around his sensing capabilities. But it’s clear something was getting closer, and by his expression alone I could tell it wasn’t someone friendly.

Before I could even ask what was wrong, he had grabbed my hand tightly and launched us onto a branch right above us. I tried asking again but got cut-off mid-sentence by a harsh hush.

Then I heard something. The humming sound of engines. It’s a sound I was more than familiar with, but these didn’t sound like any machine I had ever seen. Pushing me further back towards the trunk, Bruno made an attempt to shield me from whatever was approaching. The sounds becoming louder and closer, it soon mixed with the sound of voices yelling back and forth. I was told to stay quiet and to not move.

Not understanding what was going on and the lack of information scared and frustrated me at the same time. As the racket came closer, I looked in the direction it came from. Suddenly, the source showed itself, or rather themselves. A small group of outlaws on what I now know are motorcycles drove past by us. The one in the front shouting at the others to keep their eyes open. Whoever these guys were, they’re bad news.

After they passed, Bruno took the both of us down and started running in the opposite direction; his hand tightly clutching mine. I tried to ask what we were running from, if he knew those people, and why they were dangerous enough to get this kind of reaction of out of him. But none of the questions ever got answered.

I did my best to keep up, but I soon was exhausted and couldn’t handle being dragged along any longer.

I begged for Bruno to slow down, but he didn’t listen. One bad step on a stone that slid away under my foot sent me falling downward. Feeling a sharp stinging pain in my leg I looked down; seeing a rather long cut running from my thigh to past my knee. Panting heavily, Bruno told me they probably were far enough now, and that he was sorry for what he had caused. He was already talking about how he would treat the wound in detail, but I simply shook my head, saying he shouldn’t worry about a scratch. Letting his guard down, he helped me get up and let me pull him into an embrace. Catching my breath, I suddenly felt a shot of pain in my back. As a numbing sensation spread through my body, I gradually lost my strength and straddled to the ground.

Dizzy and weak I tried to ask what was happening as Bruno pulled something that looked like a syringe with a feather on the end of it out of my skin. Before he could tell me what this weird object was, he too, soon collapsed. I panicked, but I was too dazed to do anything about it.

I’m not sure of what happened then, but next thing I knew, I woke up laying on the grass with my wrists and ankles tied together by some sort of metal wire cable. Fighting to stay conscious, I strugglingly opened my eyes. Seeing little more than a collection of blurs, I could hear people talking.

“Best catch we’ve had in weeks.” “Don’t get too excited just yet. The big one’s missin’ some parts.” I then realized they were talking about me. Groaning, I tried lifting my head to look at who these captors were. “Well, good mornin’ sunshine.” I heard someone say to me before violently getting pulled up by my hair. My vision became clearer, and I was able to make out that the man holding me was the outlaw leader we saw earlier. “Where… Where is-” “Boss! Lookie here!” Before I could even finish my thought, I was cut off by the other one. A deep chuckle followed. “Son’ bitch has an id number… Betcha whoever owned this mutt would pay good moolah for gettin’ their lost pupper back.”

My tattoo… The barcode that was etched into my neck. They knew what it was and wanted to send me back! In fear, I started to struggle;  hoping to get out of their grip. The thought alone made me fear for my life. If I was returned to Lights-out, I’d be executed for sure. A strong sense of hopelessness came over me. Where was Bruno? Without making a sound I started praying that I would get out of there.

As if by magic, I then heard his voice. “Take your hands off of him…” All this time Bruno had been playing dead while freeing himself from his bondages. His eyes glowing with intense anger, he stared the two down although they were not impressed at first. “Looks like we’ve got ourselves an escape artist.” Waiting for them to let go of me, he stood there unmoved. “I will give you one last warning… Let. Him. Go.” The leader shrugged. “As you wish.” Opening his hand, I fell down, hard. Not wasting any time, Bruno lunged at them; grabbing their throats and releasing a powerful electric jolt into their bodies. I, to this day, have no idea if he killed them or not as neither of us were gonna wait around long enough to find out. Bruno picked me up and quickly made an escape by floating far away from this place.

Later we found ourselves in a denser part of the woods. By then I was fully awake but still shaken up by what happened. Bruno said nothing… He looked into the distance with that stern look he got when thinking up a plan. I sat there in silence. The rustling of leaves being the only sound there. I was getting nervous from this. I stood up and reached for Bruno’s shoulder. The reaction I got was a quick jerking motion to get away from my touch. “Bruno… What’s-” “This was too close.” He said as he interrupted me. “If they did a better job of tying me up, you’d be on the first train back to Lights-out right now!” I didn’t know what he was so mad over… “But we got away, didn’t we?” I said with a naive smile. Hoping to charm him into improving his mood. But it wasn’t working. “Barely… I-” Bruno took a deep breath as I tried to suppress the sinking feeling I had in my stomach. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this, Cecil…”

My heart sank. “Wh- what are you saying? You’re not leaving me are you?” Tears wetted my eyes, this could not be happening. I attempted to make eye contact, but he kept looking away. “Bruno?!” He sighed and nodded once. “I am…” I could feel my heart shatter. Didn’t he love me anymore? Was I really too much? Whatever made him come to this conclusion, I knew it was my fault.

“You can’t be serious… You’re lying!” I shouted in desperation. “I promise I’ll do better! I’m sorry I keep getting us into trouble. I’ll do anything! Please! you can’t leave me here!” I begged and pleaded. But Bruno gave little response. As I started crying I wrapped my arms around him. My world was falling apart. The only person who ever genuinely cared… Suddenly didn’t care anymore. Didn’t love me anymore…

He took my hands and moved them away from his neck using his powers to push me away without having to touch me. “Bruno…”

“Keep following this path… You’ll find a village of other native mudokons. It’s small, but I’m sure they’ll take you in…” I couldn’t believe my ears. He was actually instructing me to leave. I knew he wouldn’t or couldn’t come with me. But I didn’t want to go. “I promise I won’t let us get captured again! Please… Don’t do this to me… Let me stay with you.”

Bruno took some steps back. Looking at the ground he hid every emotion he might have had in that moment. “I’m sorry… I can’t!” This was the last thing I heard him say before he sped off.

I sank to my knees and bawled. Not even caring if anyone heard me or not. I might as well have been dead at that point. I rather would have stayed a victim to the slave catchers and dragged back, never knowing what happened to Bruno at all, than getting rejected like this. By the time the sun had started to set, I still hadn’t left. A tree behind me supporting my back. My puffy bloodshot eyes hurt by the tears, my throat felt sore and raw, even my nostrils stung.

For hours I kept wishing for him to come back. But he never did. I had sat there waiting like an idiot for hours. Cried for hours. Until I ran out of tears. Slowly I began winding down. I closed my eyes and went back into my memories. Back to the cave of snow I took shelter in after I was banished. I tried to reconnect with how I felt then. Lonely, scared, cold. But not only that, there was also a great sense of hope and determination. I had to figure out to do now what I did then. This wasn’t the end, it shouldn’t be the end. A setback, maybe. Tragic and heartbreaking for sure. But not the end. I got back to my feet and glanced at the path Bruno had taken before staring in the direction I would go. With wonky feet and fighting my own body to make it move, I began walking away. “Goodbye, Bruno…”

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/supernatural-lost-found-really-hit-home-carol-hansson/

'Supernatural' Lost and Found really hit home for our Carol Hansson

Wow. After 12 seasons and countless episodes, Supernatural continues to surprise me – not only to tug on your heartstrings but to grab them tight and make you confront your emotions. Don't forget to check out the Supernatural Gift Guide full of ideas for that #SPNFamily member who has everything! I’m going to precede this review with the following facts –my estranged father passed away less than a week ago, and I’ve been struggling with how to deal with the emotional fallout. 5 p.m. PT rolls around – hellatus is over, I’ve got my sparkly pink drink and Supernatural wine glass in hand – let’s get this party started! The overall review of the Supernatural history in turns made me laugh, cry and bemoan the loss of our dear Mr. Ketch – a David Haydn-Jones fan I always will be. And of course, the death of our Crowley – a better King of Hell? I don’t think that exists. Even watching the introduction for the second time makes me squee ... and reminisce about the beginning of Season 12, when Mary meets her adult son for the first time (technically the third time, I believe, because of time travel and such). It amazes me what an awesome cast we have -- not even just the main cast, but the supporting cast as well. One of the other highlights that I adore from the introduction is the repeat of Dean's discussion with Mary, in the dream world -- where he says, "I hate you, but I love you." The look on Dean's eyes ... my Chuck. And watching Mary kick ass is just, well, kick ass. I do wish they showed the Alpha Vampire being shot though, gotta love the Rick Worthy. We begin right where we ended – poor Dean, and poor Castiel in that lonely beach in Squamish (at least I’m fairly sure that’s where that was filmed). I really do hope there are outtakes from that scene --- I can totally see Jensen cracking some joke and Misha trying oh so very hard not to laugh. The black wings on the ground though -- I have to admit I’m very glad that Jared leaked that Misha was back sometime this season – you and I both know that Castiel is entirely too much of a fan favourite to go anywhere, but it’s always nice to be assured. "Father?" This entire episode seems to be centred around who Jack identifies as father. Just like a newborn kitten, Jack tries to imprint on the first person he sees -- Sam. Sam's relationship with Jack -- and of course how Dean deals with it -- will be very interesting to see this season. Kudos to the SFX team for the next scene, where Jack uses his power to defend himself (wouldn't you try to defend yourself as well, in any way possible, if someone shot at you?). It's definitely not something I've ever seen before, and it makes me wonder what else Jack can do. The title card -- Jack's iris -- reminds me a lot of the all-seeing eye from Lord of the Rings. This proves that Jack's story line will be a major one this season. The "memory" of Mary sacrificing herself -- and in turn apparently burning up -- really confused me. What was the point of that? I understand that Dean was dreaming, but still. One of the things that I instantly noted seeing Baby on the Sea to Sky was how dirty she was. Further on in the episode, when the drunk girl – who ends up being the angel Miriam – is seen near Baby, you see that Bitch was written in the dust. "What about Cas? Is he really dead?" "You know he is." I'm uncertain as to the amount of times Castiel has actually died in this show -- or almost died -- but I'm sure it's a lot. No matter what though, it's always emotional. I have to mention casting Alexander Calvert as Jack -- that little smirk when the sheriff introduces herself? That was awesome. Again, the facial expressions of our cast are awesome. "There's no such thing as weird. Everyone is normal in their own way." This has got to be one of the best lines in this episode -- I think it's a shout out to the SPN family, and fandoms everywhere. We're weird but lovable. Through the entire episode -- until Jack reveals -- we think that he identifies Lucifer as his father. When he says Castiel and explains why, it totally falls into place. Throughout the latter part of her pregnancy, Kelly continuously tells Jack that Castiel will take care of her. And since Jack is a nephilim, he remembers this. Watching for the second time, I did notice something. The angel says, "You and me both," when Sam says that he's looking for a naked kid. At first, you think it's just the “drunk” in the drunk woman talking ... but then on second watch, you realize she is actually looking for Jack too. So apparently angel radio hurts Jack -- I wonder if that's just because he's not used to it? At least I'm assuming that's what it is. Sam and Dean don't often tell the truth when it comes to dealing with the authorities, so I wonder if this means that we'll see the sheriff further on in the season, if they're changing how they do things, or if it's just a one-off. I guess we'll see. One thing that was mentioned on-line is Dean's switch in point of view -- that they're doing a job, rather than being heroes. It's one of the major signs we see as to how much Cas's death has affected him. Come to think of it, the angry voices must be angel radio, because the two angels we see previously would be pretty upset when they can't find Jack. "I'm sorry. Will you tell them that I'm sorry?" This is further proof – at least to me -- that Jack is not truly evil. Or at least not all the way evil. "You take things, you break things, and you don't care who you hurt." Y'know, on second thought I'm wondering if this angel was a Cas fan as well. Or it could just be a reference to the amount of times Dean (and Sam) have caused the "end of the world." "Castiel is dead. All the way dead. Because of you." And there we go, proof that this angel is a Cas fan as well. The last scene is the one that hit me the most. "You want to say anything?" "What do you say?" "Thank you. You say thank you. And you say I'm sorry. You hope they're somewhere without sadness, without pain. Somewhere better. You say goodbye." This hit me SO hard. I literally burst into tears. I’ve been struggling so hard with how to deal with my father’s death – and Sam’s simplification helped SO MUCH. [caption id="attachment_49974" align="aligncenter" width="446"] Carol Hansson with her father[/caption] So … I’m sorry, dad. I hope you’re in a better place. And thank you for giving me life. Goodbye.

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