#but like i have anxiety 🥲
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I AM STRESSING OUTT
#and like it could be for nothing#and its also like not a big deal but i always make a big deal out of everything lmao#so i *might* be starting a new full time job that is pretty good bc i get benefits and everything#BUT i also got accepted into a short college program that ive been wanting to do since forever !!#and now i gotta figure out how im gonna get my hours done for the program while working#bc my placement for the program is over an hour away and id leave work until like 3:30pm BUT the place closes at 6 😭#which means id either only do like an hour of time and i need to do at least 11/12 hours a week 💀#i could just talk to my supervisor at the new job to see if i could leave earlier#but like i have anxiety 🥲#also i sent an email to my placement site to see if i could do my hours at a closer location but she hasnt responded#and during my interview for the program she specifically said they needed ppl over where i was originally supposed to be going sooo..#ugh#we'll see what happens#pray for me#also if u read this entire thing you deserve money ❤️#rambles
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why is sending asks so anxiety inducing. this is the socially awkward cringefail website.
#considered sending them on anon because anon asks are less anxiety inducing but I have to get over myself sometimes#asking around the community what people’s fave artworks were this year#I feel like at the end of the year it’s always nice to look back at everything you have drawn and#to pick out the ones you are especially proud of#it’s just ugh sending asks and social anxiety……#and I’m gonna miss like 20000 amazing artists 🥲#sina’s rambling
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nooooo sowon don't become an alcoholic 😭😭😭😭😭
When she tried we say “hey alcoholic” in the tone that “scares” her and she run away bdjdndjd
But it’s really funny to me because, here some Sowon lore, she’s named after a child oc of mine and her dad is an ex alcoholic so I personally tell her « Sowon don’t be like your dad (and grandad) » 😭😂
#her name was suppose to be Luna but my friend adopt a dog and named her Louna which is basically the same thing 🥲#but she had to give away her dog after like a year cause it had severe anxiety and was howling all day and they had a baby it was a lot :’)#it started as a joke cause that oc is obsess with cat but I remember Genie by Snsd and that is meant wish#and my biggest wish at that moment was to have a cat again cause i’ve never been without a cat so I couldn’t get the name out of my head 🥲#now I realized idk if I was in the right to use that name but too late :’)
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I literally feel like I have zero friends lmao 🥲
I hate my brain 🫶🏼
#like I do have people but I just feel like everyone secretly hates me and that I’m annoying lol 🥲#social anxiety disorder#personal
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Okay so like
Biting ripping and tearing, biting ripping and tearing and eating you every time i read those stupid amazing saiki k text post things
I lose my mind cuz theyre so stupid and dumb and your so funny and GRRRRR im gonna give you a big smooch on the mouth(/j, unless....) GRRRRR im foaming at the mouth GRRRR
Anyway i love your writing 😻🙏
Everytime I read some shit like this I always think my mutuals found my side account, know it’s me and then I get paranoid to post anything 😭
#god I hope not#anyways I have a few works done but the anxiety kicked into mega drive#so now I’m scared to post anything even though I know people like my stuff 🥲👍🏼#asks#anon
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thinking about releasing my drafts cause i have like 192 of them and i think they are kinda funny but most of them aren’t shane and ryan related and are kinda just my inner thoughts AGH 😭
#TW: RANT AND ANXIETY TALK#but i like yapping but i don’t want people to get annoyed AGH#don’t want people thinking the ghoulboysblog has stopped ghoulboys-ing#i know there is no way to talk too much on my own blog#but my brain is still like#“what if people followed you for strictly shane and ryan content and you are annoying them”#like i KNOW no one really cares i don’t think#but my weird brain likes to convince me that i am annoying people AGHH#i have an anxiety disorder and people pleasing tendencies if ya can’t tell 🥲#sorry for this rant i am just SO STRESSED ALL THE TIME OVER EVERYTHING!!!#and honestly it’s exhausting sometimes#even with meds#aly rambles
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absolutely insane that the body’s response to “I have to wake up early for something very important tomorrow” is *heart beating at a terrifying rate, pulse racing, hard to breathe* like. the engineer of bodies is kinda sick fr I just wanna sleep smh
#I feel like we make suffering with anxiety disorders seem so memey#when in reality it’s actually a living hell 🥲#rose.txt#pray for me. I’m gonna have several panic attacks tomorrow I can feel them coming 🙃#I just need to be able to step aside when they come#starting new jobs is part of life rose. man up bitch 😜
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needs to do a thing -> anxious about doing the thing -> too anxious to do the thing -> anxious about being unable to do the thing -> anxious ab
#help me.#this isn't smth i can put off too like the goal is to do it as many times as i can#but i can barely bring myself to do it once a day bc. well. anxiety :(#idk maybe if i have some time home alone it'll help me. it's scarier to do with people around#edit: nvm i did not get any time alone 🥲 fml
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hi friends :) it’s been a couple weeks since i was active on here but i’m back! i took a little break from here (and my job irl) because i needed to mentally decompress but i am back and ready to catch up on ianthony brainrot :p
to be honest i’m completely aware i don’t do much other than reblog on here but i would love to talk to y’all more and have actual conversations so feel free to put ianthony/smosh related things (or anything, really!) in my inbox if you are interested!
i’d also like to take a moment to reintroduce myself here mostly for me because i have been struggling with my gender identity lately. as of right now, i’d like to be called lain on here :) pronouns are they/them. other than smosh, i really like like gmm, photography, writing (i am not confident in my writing abilities lol) and anything regarding cats! (i just got a third cat and i am obsessed with her) so yeah! i have a lot of difficulty talking about myself but i wanted to at least give a quick little excerpt!! that’s all k thanks bye!
#we’re so back#personal#but like actually feel free to put stuff in my asks#i want to talk more on here but i have really bad anxiety so im scared to reach out to other people first 🥲#also if my name or pronouns change i will update yall i’m just going thru it right now lol
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i remember the first time ever i listened to SO i was like pfft rap? get out. (i was cringe) and then when i gave it a listen again a few months later i was a changed person... so i binge listened to their entire discography immediately and was genuinely shocked because how could ALL of their songs be bangers, like i couldn't believe it was possible it was surreal........ i wish i could turn back time (lol) to experience that pure shock again
#and the funny thing is i was in denial abt liking them for some time#i couldnt afford a new hyperfixation in that specific year#and i remember thinking to myself 'lol their music might be good but they're probably ugly its okay i wont like them'#(I WAS A TEENAGER SORRY FOR MY MENTALITY)#so i searched them up on pinterest and guess what i saw. the blurryface photoshoot#i kind of glitched and realized i was fucked#but i still tried to deny it and avoided looking at their pictures for days#but i eventually gave in and looked up videos and interviews and random facts about them#i was like SO stressed out abt this like i would get in trouble if someone found out i like them ahjdkdl#mind u in my country hardly anyone knows who they are#i made peace tho and then i fully embraced becoming a clikkie#technically im a hiatus clikkie#and one of the biggest concerns in my life then was the question of 'ARE THEY RETIRING WHY ARE THEY GONE'#idk looking back its so funny#this was in 2017#OH and one more thing#i was born and raised a christian and still was at that point (now i am not)#and all my life my mom would heavily censor stuff that would come across as 'devilish' or even mildly offensive to the christian religion#yknow even harry potter#so i had this irrational fear/anxiety abt stuff like that wired in my brain as well#so when i saw the hds live vid on youtube (the official one with a ton of views)#i got sincerely worried they might be some kind of devil worshippers or something 💀#them having a song called heathens did NOT help#off i went to google their religion and... the relief i felt when i found out they were christian lol#btw my mom did freak out over heathens when she found out 💀💀#i wont go into detail but she did give me trauma when she learned about the dema storyline too............#i still dont play lore videos when she's in the room 🥲🥲 thats why im lowkey jealous of clikkies with clikkie parents#okay story times over lol#tøp#nemotakeit
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My sibling I haven’t seen in about four years is coming to stay with me in less than ten days and I am barely keeping it together
#the last time was like a brief 1 hr visit when our spawn point was passing thru#like I’m endlessly excited and want them to have a good visit#but I want it to be SO good#🥲🥲🥲#I got anxiety leaking out of my pores#a whole ass teenager in my care
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#so turns out my boss doesn't have the money to hire me right now and she won't fucking talk to me#i learned this from my coworker because she told her but not me????#and like it's fine i don't mind keeping freelance until the end of the year it's almost over anyways#but?????? she won't talk to me and i can't go to her and be like 'yeah so i know you can't hire me right now so let's keep things the same'#anyways starting to think the universe doesn't want me there because this is the 3rd time something happens right before i sign the papers#maybe i should just make something up myself and tell her to leave it be until next year at least#there's no risk of her like firing me or i guess cutting me off just because i know she's struggling with the workload with little staff#so she needs me there#sigh#my anxiety had just gotten a bit better this will mess it up again 🥲
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sorry I disappeared after finally adding an info page and kofi link I’m job hunting 😞
#text#I’m currently trying to look like a decent enough artist for a junior motion graphics job#which my friend is helping me with! but I have. such bad anxiety about not meeting job description requirements#I know junior positions mean they train you but I’m still very worried 🥲#and then I’m still studying ux/ui too#I’ve been busy.
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#aaaaaah I can't wait for tomorrow#actually i can#but like miserably#i still have to finish my term paper tho so 🥲#current plan is to be at the venue at 3 pm but tbh it's up to the db gods#the next time i will have more than 5 hours of sleep will be next thursday#alright wait let me start over again#so tomorrow i'm going to berlin for bc#on sunday i'm going to Leipzig and on Wednesday I have VIP for Munich but I have anxiety so I'll be 4 hrs early anyway#and because we're trying to save money (and failing) i only have a hostel for munich :)))#three cheers for sleeping in train stations at 3 in the morning i guess#what doesn't help is that the trams are currently on strike so i'll either have to walk or get a taxi to my apartment#which sucks#anyway and to top it all off i got a bout of the big sad recently so i haven't been able to work on my term paper#which i have to hand in next thursday at the latest#but i only have until today to work on it bc i'll be travelling around until... next thursday when i have to hand it in#this is bad#anyway but enough of that I'M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING EVERYBODY AGAIN!!!!#and praying that they play red taillights live#that song has been living in my head rent free#as well as not your bro for some reason????
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☠️☕️🌄
#i dod nooooot fall asleep last night 🥲#was just on my phone... well in my defense for a while i was just playing sudoku & tetris so like not as bad as instagram doom scrolling BUT#it did turn in to that around 1 am 🥲🥲🥲 also like ~wow~ crazy anxiety and busy stress brain i couldnt turn off#hence.. the scrolling and no sleep#so i got out of bed around 5am. started a load of laundry. fed the cats. made coffee. and am now chilling before i FINALLY take my car to#the auto shop at 8am! (it is currently 6:03am)#i have no much work to do today so heres hoping i didnt just fuck myself over by a million 🙃#ugh. anyway. good morning yall <3
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hellooo all~
i've been feeling kinda icky since last night and i don't feel comfortable updating my au just yet until i address this myself. i hope you don't mind.. and also anyone who didn't know about this i hope you don't get turned off from my aus over this 😭
i've already sent fairybinie a dm about it but i feel like i owe it to their followers to address it to them personally as well because i'm aware they're keeping tabs on me and my smau. i had a feeling that ask i received about my inspiration was a little weird bc people don't normally ask that especially in that manner. thought i was just overthinking it and just brushed it off. but it got the best of me and after some digging i found kdt as well as the asks and comments on fairybinie's blog about me and my smau.
i understand their followers believe my au is plagiarizing fairybinie's au kiss don't tell. and i can totally see how you could assume that given that our synopses are practically identical aside from a few key plot points. same general idea though with the whole hs drama club aspect. and i can assure you that i did not intentionally steal fairybinie's idea. i promise you this was entirely my original idea. it's just a really crazy coincidence i guess.
this idea has been in my drive since 2021. the original idea was slightly different to what i have now but it's still the same main concept. that was last modified a year ago in may 2022. here's a screenshot of the doc details as well as the general idea i had for the fic!
then, january 2023, i revisted the document and drafted the current version in my notes app. i was going to post in january but i was very busy with school so i decided to postpone it until summer when i could ensure i had more time. which is also why a majority of my character profiles list their creation date as january 2023 since.. that's when i created them.. :')
i don't prefer to seek inspiration from reading other people's works (but now i'm thinking i should at least review some when i do get an idea so i can avoid this again bc wow big oof on my end). i usually get it from consuming big media like tv, films, music, etc. which is how i got this idea. i watched movies like hairspray and grease which influenced how the current version of my au came to be.
again. i'm truly so sorry that i've caused so many of you to worry. that was never my intention and i'm sorry it appeared to be that way. and i don't blame any of you for reacting and moving the way you did! it was totally valid and fairybinie is very lucky to have people who care so deeply about their work and efforts. but i hope you accept my explanation and apology or at least understand where im coming from and believe me.
hopefully this doesn't deter anyone from giving my works a chance or continuing to read hopelessly devoted tho.. i was really looking forward to sharing my ideas with you guys but i feel like my name has already been tainted without having a proper chance to even create a name for myself yet 💀 sorrows sorrows
i will be updating my au again soon. had a bit of writers block bc i just could not get this issue out of my head. it felt wrong trying to update and ignore the issue when i know there are people watching me like a hawk with negative connotations. pls don't be mad.. 🥲
((if you don't want to continue reading hopelessly devoted tho i totally understand i mean this isn't the greatest image i've got going on right now but thank you at least for giving me a chance!))
#i feel like a rookie idol getting a scandal on the first day of the job omg#pls don't be mad at me for trying to defend myself and save my name 🥲#pls forgive me this was so long i have anxiety and this was making me sweat pleek
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