#but like guys I screamed
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Hey guys, fun fact that I learned completely randomly and not at all by being scared shitless five minutes ago:
Did you know that if you mix hair bleach and bleach your hair and leave the extra in the bottle with the cap on in case you need extra it will expand until it blows up two days later and covers your bathroom?
Yeah. Well. Now you know.
Not that it happened to me.
@starchasersunseeker @beautyoftheships this is what happens when you leave me alone and wifey goes out.
#help#I swear I’m an adult#ugh and I read the directions too#I need sleep#my hair is purple again now though so slay#I guess my bathroom is clean?#but like guys I screamed#and Minnie got so scared
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something something ... Stanford "Why didn't Rudolf just kill the other reindeer?" Pines and Fiddleford "I create death-mechas when my feelings get hurt" McGucket
#i like to imagine that stan has to be the one to bring these two nerds back down to earth when things get too out of hand#like hes all for “light violence” but THOSE TWO tend to take it to the extreme and he aint into all that lmao#i also like to imagine that mabel would be just as deranged as ford and fidds#<- literally screams “DEATH” as Blendin's punishment after Globnar so i think it would be in character for her lmao#not that the kids would actually flat out murder someone#but they'd probs end up planning one in excrutiating detail#to the point where stan has to be like “okay this is getting TOO REAL guys.. ”#gravity falls#gravity falls au#relativity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket
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FNAF Movie William Afton was born to be a killer..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#mike schmidt#william afton#fnaf vanessa#vanessa shelly#vanessa afton#stu macher#fnaf movie#scream movie#matthew lillard#fnaf fanart#THIS IS UNSERIOUS BUT..#I’m still not over that William Afton’s actor#Matthew Lillard is the same guy who plays shaggy and Stu Macher#isn’t that just so fitting for William Afton#I LIKED this idea a younger William IS just Stu#and that Vanessa’s sweater was her father’s a hand me down#Mike can just tell William was always gonna be crazy#hopefully that doesn’t run in the family 🙏🏾
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starkid fans when they see Normal Man and his Barista Crush onscreen for 0.5 seconds:
#im starkid fans btw#like i screamed out loud when i saw them in npmd#i'll never get sick of them#starkid#tgwdlm#the guy who didn't like musicals#black friday#npmd#starkid npmd#nerdy prudes must die#emma perkins#paul matthews#lauren lopez#jon matteson#theatreposting#elle's original content
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happy new year to neil josten who didnt sign it. he gave me a contract but i didnt sign it. he couldnt make me. this doesnt mean anything. im still a fox.
#aftg#all for the game#palmetto state foxes#the raven king#exy#neil josten#screaming in my car about them on my 15#happy new year#happy new year neil josten#im actually so insanely normal about this#guys you dont understand#how am i supposed to go back into work and act like everything is fine???#like wdym#wdym my coworkers arent also thinking about neil josten rn??#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#how am i supposed to function after this???
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had a dream where Matthew Lillard was running for a government office and his tagline on posters said "with Scooby-Doo ass villains like these, why not rely on a true member of the Mystery Gang" and in very small print on the bottom "I was also a serial killer in case that doesn't work out"
#rambles#matthew lillard#when I read it I was like oh yeah in scream but then remembered hey hes purple guy too#I support him
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he's been through a lot
#kakashi#hatake kakashi#boruto#uzumaki boruto#i love when he appears in boruto because well i love him#but this ep kinda bothered me a bit#because it really made it seem like people in konoha have almost no respect for this man#he was the ROKUDAIME HOKAGE#come on guys u should at least tremble a bit in his presence#maybe i'm biased but i really didn't like how these characthers were talking down or even screaming at him#i'm not even going to mention boruto because he was always like this but him too yes show some more respect to ur father's sensei boy#just a small ramble yes#AND let me say that he solved the whole problem in the episode like expected so yes that's my hokage ✨#mine#boruto 260
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It's like I blinked and "Haha I'm going to kill myself" became a funny joke to make again, or an alright thing to say ironically. You guys stop that. You'll feel better for not saying it, I promise.
#this is also a psa to please not put that in tags for my art#i LOVE the gushing and the “oh my god my heart is in a blender i am laying down on the floor crying sobbing screaming” stuff!#just not the kms stuff. it took me a while to unlearn that habit and some of you guys need to do the same#it's so much funnier to say stuff like IM GONNA EAT A WHOLE GIRAFFE#or other such hyperbole#i promise#mango talks
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A Different Kind of Compensation.
part two!
pairing: mike schmidt x fem!reader
prompt: you’ve been babysitting abby for mike nearly three months now. he constantly apologizes for not paying you yet, you constantly tell him it doesn't bother you. one night he comes back from his shift at freddy’s and has a different idea on how to compensate you for all of your hard work.
warnings: 18+, oral (fem receiving), vaginal fingering (kinda???), munch!mike.
word count: this was supposed to be a short dirty work that somehow turned into a 2.2k monster. told you i love to ramble.
authors note: remember when i said i might write smut if i was just so moved by an ask? well turns out my very first ask moved me. y'all are nasty, i love it. mike, of course, is a munch because why would he be anything else? i never, with a capital N, write smut so please bear with me if it sucks. i hope whoever requested this loves it! i wrote it instead of finishing my scientific article for bio so it better be decent hehe.
╔══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╗ ╚══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╝
The sound of the front door opening followed by heavy footsteps woke you up from where you were dozing off on the couch. You gazed at the clock on the side table near you and sure enough, 6:10 blinked back at you. Mike was finally home. You heard him shuffling around in the kitchen, most likely shedding his work vest and hanging his keys on the little hook by the door.
You yawned, trying to rub the sleep out of your eyes as you sat up on the couch. The blanket you used to cover yourself falling to pool around your waist. Mike finally made his way to the living room, sitting on the couch with a soft grunt.
“Hey,” he said quietly, his voice rough from lack of use. “Abby eat anything?”
“Yeah, a little,” You mutter back through a barely concealed yawn, head lolling to rest on the back of the couch. “You know how she is.”
He hums in acknowledgement but stays silent apart from that, keeping his gaze trained on the infomercial playing on TV. A comfortable silence settles over the two of you. You sit up even further on the couch, leaning against the arm rest facing Mike. The blue/green hue of the TV bathed him in light, his hair was unruly with curls sticking out at awkward angles. He had deep bags under his eyes. Just as you thought about getting up to take off, he spoke up again.
“I promise I’ll get you the money,” he says softly, not taking his eyes off the TV, “I…I just need some time.”
You scoff in mock annoyance, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “Mike, you know I don’t care about the money. I don’t mind doing this for you.” You reply, nudging his knee with your foot softly then just leaving it perched on his lap.
Mike finally turns to look at you, there's a strange look on his face that you can’t quite place, but you give him a small smile all the same. He stares at you for a few beats, you can practically see the gears turning in his head.
“You deserve something,” he whispers, his brows furrowed in frustration. “You do so much for me, it’s only fair.” As he speaks, he slowly moves his hand off the couch to your ankle still resting on his thigh, he starts rubbing slow circles over the skin there. His eyes never left yours as he touched you, a very obvious question in them. Asking if you wanted this.
Heat instantly rushed to your belly, cheeks turning a light shade of red at his touch. You’d always thought Mike was attractive, but you never would have imagined he’d want to be anything more than friends. Since he was already so busy with taking care of Abby and his hellish new job.
You swallow once before speaking, your throat feeling dry all of a sudden. “What are you suggesting?” You ask so softly, wondering if he even heard you. Mikes’ fingers stop in favor of trailing his hand up your calf in a featherlight touch, disappearing under the blanket to seek out more of your soft skin. Your heart is beating so fast you think you might die, the sound of it echoing in your ears loudly.
Mike's big brown eyes stare into yours with a newfound intensity, visibly shocked that you're reacting so viscerally to his touch, his pupils are blown to hell. Chocolate brown being swallowed by black. His tongue coming out to sweep over his top lip.
“How about you,” he says slowly, scooting closer to you on the small couch. He crowds into your personal space like he belongs there. Mike’s lips inches away from yours. He smells like old leather and dust from being cramped in the security office at Freddy’s. Your chest heaves as your eyes flit back and forth from his eyes to his lips. Seconds drag by like hours as you painstakingly wait for him to finish his sentence. “Stay right there while I make you feel good.” He finally says, his breath fanning over your face hotly. You can’t even speak, afraid of how desperate you might sound, just nodding your head roughly, not looking away from his hungry gaze.
Mike’s hand runs up your leg quickly after you give him the green-light, slipping further under the blanket and higher up your leg until he reaches his destination. He rubs you gently through your shorts, your breath hitches sharply at what should be just a simple touch, but you’re still so worked up from earlier that it feels ten times more extreme. You grasp the blanket still strewn over your lap tightly in your fists, it's the only thing keeping you from seeing Mike’s hand at work between your legs.
Mike reacts to touching you for the first time like he can feel it too. His breath stutters out of his chest, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of your already wet folds through your thin cotton sleeping shorts. “Fuck.” He breathes out quietly, so quietly you doubt he even meant to say it out loud. He opens his eyes again, breathing slightly rougher as he stares at you through his arousal induced haze and heavy eyelids.
Seeing your face must spur him on because he starts rubbing with more fervor than before, his clever fingers applying more pressure making you moan softly. You cut yourself off quickly, eyes darting down the hall to Abby's bedroom door. It's still closed, there's no light leaking through the crack between it and the floor.
"Shit, Mike." You whine quietly.
Mike groans softly at the sound of his name leaving your lips, body trembling slightly with the feeling. Suddenly he wrenches his hand out from under the blanket, and rips it off your lap frantically. You gasp sharply at the cool air breaking through the bubble of warmth the blanket provided, involuntarily closing your legs.
Mike pushes up from his position on the couch next to you, knee walking over so he's kneeling in-front of your clenched thighs. You're still slightly sprawled across the cushions, leaning on the arm of the couch.
"Do you know how crazy you make me?" He asks roughly, putting both his hands on your still closed knees. It takes a second for your brain to catch up to answer him, after a few moments you finally manage a faint shake of your head.
"No?" He asks, tilting his head to the left slightly. "Let me show you then."
Mike grabs your wrist, tugging you closer to him, and leads your hand down into his lap. Your breath catches in your throat when he places your hand directly over his clothed erection, but it gets drowned out by Mike's louder whine thanks to you touching him for the first time. You drag your eyes downward, his dark grey sweatpants leave little to the imagination. He got more worked up touching you than you first thought, if the wet patch forming near the tip of his hard-on was anything to go by.
As soon as you started to rub him with purpose, Mike grabbed your wrist, halting your efforts. "No," He said breathlessly, practically panting. "No, this is for you tonight. Just wanna focus on you."
He let go of your wrist, turning his head in your direction. Both of you failed to realize how close you'd gotten when he dragged you to him. Your noses practically touch when he turns, catching you both off guard. His eyes travel down to your lips, staring at how red and puffy they'd gotten from you biting them to muffle your moans.
"How sweet of you, Mike." You whisper, leaning in just a tad closer. He lets out a guttural groan and closes the distance between your lips, claiming your mouth with his own. He leans forward, gently guiding you to lay back on the couch. His body completely covering yours as the two of you makeout, his arms on either side of your head and his hips slotting against yours, letting you feel the hard length of his cock against your cunt. You moan into his mouth, your hips bucking up to meet his.
Mike breaks the kiss with a whine, trying to muffle the noise by shoving his face in your neck. You bring your hands up to tangle in his curly hair, yanking it roughly as he starts littering kisses all along your collarbones. Nipping and sucking in-between his gasping little moans as you twist and pull his hair in your grip.
He tears his mouth away to stare up at you through his lashes, his lips are swollen and red. “Please,” He gasps out, his hips unconsciously grinding down into your thigh. “Let me eat you out. Please. Tell me I can, say I can.” He babbles, hips rutting faster every second you don’t answer him.
“Yes.” You exclaim as quietly as possible. “Do it, Mike. Eat me out.”
Mike’s whole body shudders at your words, eyes falling closed for a second before he quickly slides down your body, leaving an odd kiss here and there as he goes. He brings his hands up to grip the waistband of your shorts, pausing to take a single steadying breath, then he tugs them down along with your panties and tosses them aside. He stares down at you in awe for a good few moments before he lays on his stomach, right in front of your dripping cunt.
Mike kisses along the inside of your thighs for a bit, licking everywhere but where you want him to the most. “Thank you.” he mutters, tone way too earnest for the situation at hand but you don’t have much time to think about it before he’s diving face first into your thighs.
“Fuck!” You let your voice get way too loud in the quiet atmosphere of the house, but you can’t help it. You didn’t think Mike had lots of experience because of some late night drunken talks before, but he was either lying or holding out. He works his tongue expertly along every inch of you. Every swirl, flick, or suck has you catapulting to the edge way faster than you’d imagined.
It doesn't help that Mike keeps letting out these noises. Small needy whines or deep guttural groans that you can feel. He’s moaning like he’s the one getting head, unashamed and authentic. It’s so fucking sexy.
“Shit Mike, I’m close. I’m so close.” You whisper too quietly for him to hear with his head trapped between your thighs, but it doesn’t matter. Mike brings his thumb up to lightly circle your clit as he laps against your entrance, and you're gone.
Your thighs shake as you release, grabbing on Mike’s hair for dear life as you go through the most intense orgasm ever. He moans into your cunt, working you through the aftershocks. He laves his tongue along you until the overstimulation gets to be too much and you drag his face away by his hair.
He sits up, the bottom half of his face covered in spit and slick. That visual alone is almost enough to get you ready for round two. It’s silent except for the heavy breathing coming from you both.
After he catches his breath, Mike retrieves the blanket from behind his back somewhere to cover the lower half of your body. Your thighs are still shaking as he lays next to you, it’s a tight squeeze but neither of you seem to mind. He kisses the side of your face sweetly, throwing his arm around your waist to pull you in even closer.
You finally regain enough conscience to speak. “Are you sure you don’t want to get off?” You ask, “I mean I can’t feel my legs but I’m sure we could think of something.” Mike only laughs quietly, shaking his head. “Maybe next time, this was about you.” He said, beginning to rub his fingers back and forth on your hip. “Plus I, uh, I already sort of…” He trails off, a flush forming on his cheeks.
It took you a second to realize what he was saying, but when it clicked you couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped your mouth. You lifted up the blanket covering the two of you, and sure enough Mike had an impressive wet patch seeping through his sweats.
He pinches your hip lightly, offended by your giggling. “Don’t laugh at me,” He complains with a smile, yanking the blanket back up. “I couldn’t help it.”
You stifle another laugh to the best of your ability, though your shoulders still shake ever so slightly. You turn your head to press a kiss to his lips. It’s different from the previous kisses you shared tonight. It’s slower and softer, full of a new emotion that you both feel, but know that it can wait to be talked about later. For now you’re both just basking in the afterglow.
You break the kiss first, pulling back only slightly to lean your forehead against his. You both smile at each other for a second.
“Okay,” You give in, brushing a strand of sweaty hair away from his face. “But believe that tomorrow is all about you.”
#baby's first smut#i'm so nervous#don't be mean#i like it tbh#so i actually don't care if you guys don't#i'm just kidding#please like this#love you#crying screaming yelling#micheal schmidt x reader#micheal schmidt x you#mike schmidt#mike schmidt smut#mike schmidt imagine#mike schmidt x you#mike schmidt x reader#fnaf smut#josh hutcherson#jhutch#five nights at freddy's#fnaf#fnaf movie#micheal schmidt#smut#josh hutcherson x reader#josh hutcherson smut
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the drawtectives are going on a new adventure!!! everyone say THANK YOU JULIAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
#drawtectives#drawtectives fanart#york drawtectives#gyorik rogdul#grandma drawtectives#grendan highforge#rosé drawtectives#also#new guy who looks like#eugene finch#i'm calling it it's not eugene#it's his cousin or brother or something#bonus points if it's his twin#tho i will sCREAM if it's a prince and the pauper/princess switch situation#drawtectives season 3#drawtectives midnight alley
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blink and you'll miss it moments around skyhold....
#solavellan#solas#gotta put out some tender stuff to balance the chaos target team leader solas has caused.#look i just need to go feral in the tags for a moment#okay the fucking. what's he call himself? the great adversary of her people's mythology....falls in love w a woman being forced into a role#not unlike his own#i t makes me c r a z y#like at one point he's all ooooh we're elves need to make sure the humans trust us to ensure safety. gives them a castle......#then he's all ''ooh you cant change the way your legend is getting out of hand. might as well accept it''#but he disapproves if you lean into it/call yourself the herald.#he approves of you fighting against the status quo. encourages sera to sow chaos and has a VERY interesting convo w her about power#''what lop of the top?'' ''yes.'' ''well what's that do except make room for a new top to come and fuck it all up?''#at which point he fuckin STUTTERS and is like. oh fuck. you're right. my bad. and then he shuts up in quiet contemplation#he's clearly wrestling w himself. and Ohmygod the felassanstuff.#like the Guilt. the Regret.#haunting that fucking rotunda.#and yet he's so in love w lavellan if they go that route.#like clearly some stuff was missing/fumbled in game. but like#how he fuckin screams for the inquisitor at the well?????!?! OK BOI?!#im just. the dread wolf. great adversary of the dalish pantheon.#turns out to be some somber grim guy with a fatalistic sense of humor who hates tea and greatly values free will#pina art
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50+ deaths at 5 am got me yelling absolute nonsense to the bosses kicking my whole entire ass
#ultrakill#v1#gabriel#doodles#art#ultrakill fanart#fastest death was like. 6 seconds. maybe less. i was playing on normal#and then my brother told me the secrets of Spamming Slide Like Your Life Depends On It and i got him in like. 15 tries#max0r wasnt kidding this guys entire strat is Teleporting Behind You#so the contrast of nearly killing him first try and then beating his stupid gay ass real fast in his second fight was REALLY funny#i learned bitch#i dont think i've ever yapped and screamed and yelled so much during a videogame before. dont ask me about the noise i made when#the mannequins started moving like coked up little spiders#''i dont believe people are genuinely this loud when playing lethal company they're making this up'' me playing ultrakill:
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Okay I was rewatching Scream the other day and I noticed this and it has been haunting me ever since so
In the scene where Billy and Stu stab eachother, Billy fucking USES HIS KNIFE TO GODDAMN TILT STU'S CHIN UP
LIKE SIR?!?! THAT IS HOMOSEXUAL ASS BEHAVIOUR WHAT?!?
Its literally the gay ass person with sword uses it to lift your chin thing but more serial kill-y like guys pls Sidney is right there 😭
#scream#scream 1996#billy loomis#stu macher#billy x stu#stuilly#i think thats the accepted acronym lol#no but ahdhauakdhgd i physically had to go back and rewatch the scene when i noticed this what the fuck#sir that is so gay pls stu moves with it too like control yourselves guys pls 😭#also if you happen to be my best friend reading this: no you arent and no im not still thinking about this from yesterday shush im autistic
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Yall ever think about how Nightmare bb is canon in FNAF
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#michael afton#fnaf vanessa#fnaf vanny#nightmare balloon boy#fnaf 4#security breach#fnaf fanart#LIKE LITERALLY nightmare BB is the one canon thing from the Halloween update#which is so funny#makes sense in retrospect#BUT WHAT makes it funnier is the fact fazbear entertainment#they use nightmare bb regularly for their Halloween line up#they make products of this guy#SO IMAGINE MICHAEL just seeing one of his nightmares being a real guy#he’d scream????#to Vanny this is totally normal but to Michael ACTUALLY his living nightmare#Fazbear entertainment made all of Michael’s trauma into marketable toys I can’t 💀
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"I think, therefore, I AM."
(work in progress lineart post here)
#my favorite little guy!!!!#hes so sillay goofy :3#sure yea he destroyed humanity and tortured its only survivors but like he would probably be soooo niceys to me specifically <3#Art#my art#ihnmaims#i have no mouth and I must scream#allied mastercomputer#am#ihnmaims am
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tightly wound
#helmiarts#eyestrain#i said some time ago i'd throw these flashbang eyeburners every once in a while so#here ya go even tho it's just a fast doodle#tightly wound is the one phrase i would describe myself with#i'm but a violin string ready to snap#inside out but it's my brain and there's just this guy screaming and pulling and pushing random levers and buttons in my head#this kinda looks like my dog but that's not really intended#my dog is just made out of perfect shapes so i sometimes borrow them for my drawings :)
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