#but like disregarding everything that happens afterwards LMAO

[monards]

so i played symbiosis.

now tell me

1. what do you think happens after the game ends in the basement.

2. what are your headcannon ideas for more endings and/or a ‘true’ one?

3. why exactly is his nickname mint. how is he invasive!! and he isn’t used as a spice either!!! (or is he? a flavouring in magnolia’s sad lonely life)

ommg hihihi!!! I'm so glad you played!!!!! so sorry this is a bit of a late response,, i really had to think about these questions. also very sorry because i actually rambled an insurmountable amount for this,, LMAO. ok brace yourself, hereee we go (adding the keep reading thing because i dont need to be flooding innocent people's home page with this.)

// Honestly,, I dont have a like, huge idea of what happened after that ending (mostly because of the lack of context around a lot of the stuff, and boy do i need context to function!!!) but I think there's a lot of ways the ending in the basement could've technically gone after the cut off depending on how you interpret Mint at that point. We know Mint was always aware of what Magnolia did, as he mentions in his diary entry; but what happened next REALLY depends on how he copes with that as he grew up. Dove obviously got him into school, or some sort of formal education; where he'd then learn about 'right and wrong' which, as far as education systems go; tends to be VERY black and white. Meaning they'd likely respond with full conviction that Magnolia's actions were wrong and completely unjustifiable. So under the situation he had followed and grown into that line of thinking afterwards, there's no doubt he'd probably not have the most happy reaction to seeing Magnolia again,, butttt on the other hand, and what i believe to be the case a LOT more; he grew up being taught that people do what they do for a reason. Magnolia taught him to always do stuff for himself, because more often than not, what's 'right' isn't always the best for you; and it's okay to go against what's commonly known as the 'right thing to do' for that reason!! He'd likely grown aware at some point that most if not everything Magnolia had done while he lived with her, was for him to live. She murdered people because she needed blood to feed him; she hid them deep in the forest because she didn't want to be arrested and risk anything happening to mint, in the case he got into the wrong hands; and OBVIOUSLY it's a bit hard to completely disregard that line of thinking after so many years,, even if that line of thinking may of been a bit altered in him learning about what magnolia had really done to people, and her effect on others. So I could totally believe him just breaking down the moment he saw her again; knowing everything he'd know as of that point He's also, like, the biggest mama's boy i've ever seen in media; so I wouldn't put it past him if, upon seeing Magnolia again, he really did get emotional and just sorta started crying. Because old habits die hard.

// To be completely honest, I think knowing magnolia; both endings worked perfectly well in their own ways!! We know Magnolia really did love Mint, and her different responses to that love is really shown well in both endings :) Ending A obviously shows her wanting to give mint a better future. Just as it's acknowledged in the FAQ, she is a very horrible person; since she's. yknow. a fugitive and mass murderer. But she willingly puts herself at risk of being arrested, and presumably leaves dove who she clearly still loved on some level to likely die after stealing her gun, because she knows that as things were going, she'd never be able to provide Mint the life he deserves. And If anything, Magnolia clearly doesn't want to be as her parents were to her, to Mint. But Ending B is just as good in the regard that it shows the concept of Magnolia not being good for others, and that despite her best efforts; she almost always sours her relationships with those she loves (which is so, so, so great of an idea when you tie it in with 'symbiosis' as the title LMAO) No offense to Magnolia,, but she's like, almost pathetically horrible at conveying her feelings and emotions in any context. She was already blunt and mean in college without much provocation, and she never seemed to show her love for Dove *that* clearly (i mean,, we saw her smile once but that was in their wedding photo. cmon) so Ending B does great at reminding us,, 'hey,, she's still the same no matter what.' At least in this case we know she loves mint, but did mint even know that? By the time he's grown up, he looks just like magnolia did at that age; straight faced, apathetic looking in most cases, and generally not good at conveying anything but negative emotions. And we know for magnolia,, all of that emotion for her was a result of how she grew up (because i REALLY doubt she'd be this cynical and miserable if her parents weren't assholes, no hate) ; so it does so great to show that no matter Magnolia's best efforts, she was really never going to be as good as she wanted to be, because that's just the way she is, that's her effect on others.

// Honestly,, I always just interpreted his name as the sort of tie and relationship between him and Magnolia; and how their connection and effect on each other is far different from her previous one relationship and connect to Dove !!!! Doves, as a whole, are separate from Magnolias (as in the plant species,) because Doves are birds. And that same line of thought carries over to the characters too!!-- Dove had a freedom Magnolia didn't by being able to express herself and show her compassion and emotions without much complication; but though she changed Magnolia in her interactions with her- as we see magnolia was clearly more expressive, and emotionally available with her- she would have never have a permeant effect on her, because anything a bird can manage to do to a Magnolia tree has very temporary effects. (Hence the game's title "symbiosis" ; the interaction and relationship between two organisms !!! ) But Mint is also a 'plant' , (in this context, figuratively and literally ) So in some ways, he's just like Magnolia in that regard, since they're the same 'species' ; in this case being the way they're both 'irregular' and different from those around them. But just like you noted; mint is invasive. The plant itself can permanently alter the area and environment around it and it's generally very hard to get rid, leaving lasting impact. The moment Mint became a part of Magnolia's life, her life was permanently changed. We see she became far more empathetic than before, and her drive for what she did was no longer purely for knowledge, but compassion; and in both endings she so clearly does what she does under the context of her love for him!! And, in the basement ending (Ending B) despite all the time that had passed, she still seems to have those far more 'open' qualities coming about when it comes to him!!; cue her being so much more positively expressive and welcoming upon seeing him, compared to her reunion with dove. so for the most part, that's what i headcanon as the background for his nickname as'mint' !!!! :))

i had soso much fun answering these,, thank you so much kshkshks!!!!!! 💜💜

[glacieriz]

❛ why did you save me? you could have just left me … but you didn’t…. so, why? ❜   /   @zanmei​

[fvrxdrm]

I’ll See You Again (Jake Muller x Reader)

And here is @imgayforgaystuff​ ‘s request. This was longer than intended lmao. Hope you’ll like it :)

Pairing: Jake Muller x GN!Reader

Warning(s): None

*****

“Did you take your dose?”

 You along with your partner, Sherry, ran towards where you heard the faint commotion and saw the guy you’ve been looking for standing beside a body that already seemed lifeless.

 Jake Muller. He supposedly had the antibodies for the C-virus that’s been gradually spreading across the globe and you were tasked to locate him and bring him back to the United States in order for blood samples to be taken for vaccine research. If their hypothesis was correct, this guy could save the world even without handling a gun and transporting from one country to another or something.

 “Yeah, but if you want to take your hit, you gotta sign up with the lady downstairs...” Jake replied. You took a glance at your watch before averting your short gaze towards the body as it dissipated into the fire it created until it was just nothing but an invisible ghost. “... Wouldn’t recommend it, though.”

 “No, question, you’ve got the antibodies.” You rushed towards a rusty metal door where an opening should be and pulled the handle, stepping aside to let your partner and Jake first.

 “Thank you. Wait, what?”

 “You could be the key to saving the world, Jake Muller,” you said and upon hearing this, he just smirked in amusement and laughed it off in his mind. I mean, seriously? Key to saving the whole fucking world? That’s a funny fucking joke, man. His snarky smile was soon dropped though as soon as you heard groans fill the room and you immediately let your heads focus on the matter on hand.

 “Go! I’ll follow right behind you.” They obeyed without any second thoughts and when they finally got in, you gunned down those who got too close before jumping in yourself.

 Sewers. Great! Another day, another life in shitty water.

 You looked for your footing once you’d landed on trash, and shit, and grey fucking water or something, almost getting closer to falling on your ass and swallowing all those caca that had been dumped in there by different hoomans and animals.

 I would rather die if the gods gave me an opportunity to eat shit.

 “You two okay?” You asked.

 “Yeah, you?” Sherry replied.

 “I’m gucci.”

 Not really...

 Your boots would sink into the muck below the water and the smell… UGH! It didn’t help that your stomach was full when you got to your location. But hey, agents gotta do what they gotta do, right?

 Once you found yourself stable on the ground, you pulled out your badge from your pocket and opened it to introduce yourself to Jake but he just waved it off and disregarded it saying that it wasn’t the time right now. You and Sherry exchanged glances.

 “You comin’?

 “After you”

 This is going to be interesting...

*****

“Y/N? Y/N!”

 Your eyes carefully fluttered open at the mention of your name, trying your best to force your eyelids apart but it felt like bricks were weighing them down and all you could make out were two silhouettes rushing towards your side before the world blacked out again against your will.

*****

“Hey, hey, shh... It’s okay, just rest. You got hurt pretty bad.”

 A groan crept up your throat as your head hammered in pain, feeling as if a wrecking ball with Miley Cyrus riding it just repeatedly slammed against you.

 Talk about coming in like a wrecking ball...

 Your eyes cracked open for the second time that night, your E/C optics immediately catching sight of a round head hovering above you.

 “Jake?” You muttered under your breath.

 “Yeah, it’s me.” The said man carefully helped you sit up straight before leaning you against the firm fabric of a tent you were in, checking you again for any hidden injuries that he and Sherry managed to miss while you massaged your temples to ease the aching in your head. When you’d finally calmed down and everything that had happened began to congregate in your brain, your sight spun around and you immediately panicked when you noticed Sherry’s absence.

 “Where’s Sherry?”

 “She went out to get some wood for some fire. I told her to just stay here and I’ll get them instead but she insisted and told me to stay with you.”

 “Fucking hell, Sherry,” you quietly cursed. You stood up from where you were and started walking out the tent but Jake grabbed ahold of your arm before you could even step a foot out.

 “Where are you going?”

 “I’m going to find Sherry. She could get herself killed out there!”

 “I’m sure she’s going to be fine. She’s one hell of a super girl! I mean, have you seen how her wounds just close on their own?” Your eyes widened.

 “Oh, you saw her?”

 “Yeah, front row seat even. A piece of the plane stabbed her in the back and then when I pulled it out, she told me to by the way, the wound just closed on its own. I asked her about it but she just told me that it was a long story.” You sighed and just nodded your head in response. You let him lightly tug on your arm and guide you towards where you once sat and gazed vacantly at the ground below you, silence flooding the small shelter until your voice suddenly shooed it away.

 “Sherry and I survived Raccoon City together,” you began, abruptly catching Jake’s attention and pausing his obnoxious fiddling with a coin he got out of nowhere.

 “The city that was bombed in 1998?”

 “Yeah. It wasn’t just a bomb though, an outbreak happened, like, you know, this one.” You gestured to your surroundings to emphasize what you were implying. “I shouldn’t be telling you this but it might give you some answers. Sherry and I both got infected with the virus that caused the incident but thankfully, somebody injected us with a cure and now, we got the side effects, per se. Sherry’s got the healing thing and I’m...basically...a walking cure.”

 “Huh, so then why did you look for me if you have...you...to cure whatever the hell this is?”

 “They’ve performed tests on me before and all of them were successful except for the C-virus. I don’t know why it didn’t work but um...yeah. Apparently I’m not the cure for the recent virus.”

 “Oh.” He was speechless, he couldn’t of anything to reply with so he just averted his gaze to his lap and vacantly stared at his hand where his coin laid stiffly against his palm.

Finally. All his life he thought he was alone in this one. He thought he was this monster that just submerged in a trice out of nowhere. I mean, look at him. He’s got this superpower thing since birth and it felt weird. All those people around him were normal, no X-men shit isolating them from the other and he felt like a loner…until he met you and heard your story.

Jake looked at you as the thought of you crossed his mind and he instantaneously felt his face warm up at the sight of you finger-combing your hair and tying your locks with a band.

Wait, what the hell!?

“Hey, you okay?” Jake jumped a bit at the sound of your voice, his face redder in embarrassment, and he just waved his hand in response before looking somewhere else.

*****

So…yeah… I think you know what happened throughout the nights you were firing some bullets left and right.

Basically, you found yourselves in an undersea facility of Neo-Umbrella at the bottom of an ocean and then got rescued by Chris and Piers afterwards.

While you were trapped inside the premises you and Jake couldn’t help but create a small talk where you got to know each other with Sherry just listening in the background and feeling all giddy finally finding someone new for you. After you found out your ex cheated on you with your best friend, like, a year or two ago, you shut yourself off of the dating realm and just took time for yourself. And by that I mean drowning yourself in alcohol.

“Well, we’re trapped in here and we can’t really get out of these restraints, wanna chat?” Jake began.

“I was about to dose off but sure.”

“Let’s see…um…uh… What do people say when they meet each other?” Jake scratched his head using the metal behind him when he remembered he couldn’t get the shackles off of him and you giggled in mirth at the sight.

“I don’t know. I’m not really the type to start with name exchanges. I usually start with…yanking their arms off and getting the fuck out of a place or something.”

Jake chuckled in response and swayed his head side to side. “I see you’ve seen enough.”

“You have no idea.”

It went on like that for a moment, somehow finding peace in conversing casually amidst the chaos outside and it warmed your heart. It helped piece your brain cells together again and you collected a newfound strength after all the tiny grins and small cackles.

It was just tranquility that filled you, nothing else, until an alarm went off and you were suddenly released from your restraints… And then you were back on agent mode again.

 So, here you are now, already defeating this gigantic creature that had been following you around in China and gazing into the abyss of fire where déjà vu suddenly hit you like a truck.

This was like Raccoon City, that time where the train you rode on dashed towards the daylight as flames surged the tunnel. Ustanak represented Birkin.

“You saved me,” you heard Jake whisper beside you. “You know that, right?”

You looked at the surface you had been clinging on below and sniffed at the overwhelming feeling that bursted inside of you.

“Thank you.”

You placed your hand on top of his and smiled softly at him while the three of you darted towards the end of another long escape.

*****

“Well, I guess this is goodbye.” You dusted your clothes and gripped on your bag, forcing your tears not to fall at the thought of not seeing each other again.

“No,” Jake replied firmly. Your eyebrows creased together at his odd response and couldn’t help but ask in confusion.

“What?”

“I’ll see you again, Y/N.” He brushed his palm against your cheek, his orbs burning through yours, before he placed his lips on your own ones. Boy, Sherry couldn’t be happier at the sight of you two. She’ll be sure to arrange your wedding once everything had settled down.

“I’ll see you again, I promise.”

[ninjabelle]

Key-points in Berserk if Guts was allowed to act on his emotions where Griffith’s involved - Meta

There is a theme with regards to Guts always wanting to run to Griffith when he is feeling emotionally shaken up and vulnerable and though it happens a bunch of times in a lot of subtle ways all throughout Berserk the 3 that majorly stand out to me are - going back in time - the hill of swords, primrose hall and after the Zodd fight when Griffith’s recovering.

Let’s start there, and this is also a direct (long winded lmao, forgive me) response to this reply by @bthump about what I wish had gone differently.

When Griffith gets injured after fighting Zodd together Guts wants to see him. I forget the exact timeline but I’m pretty sure this is effectively immediately after. As soon as he’s able to, but he’s stopped by Caska and whatever it was that he wanted to say or do gets put on hold until his talk with Griffith outside later on when, surprise surprise, they get interrupted again. This is also a theme and another recurring, deliberate one. Guts never gets to have a true heart to heart with Griffith and vice versa and this is something that drives the plot forward because otherwise those two would’ve run off into the sunset together long before the eclipse ever had a chance of happening. The whole of Berserk rests on the fact that Guts and Griffith have unfinished business and the entire story takes a nosedive into the dark and depressing once Guts overhears Griffith’s speech to Charlotte at primrose because, again, he’s stopped by Caska (again!! poor girl gets done so dirty every time she gets used like that but that’s meta for another time) and he does not have the opportunity to speak with Griffith about how deep that affected him either.

So, back to just after the first Zodd fight, though he doesn’t seem as deeply wounded and emotionally raw as he was after accidentally kebabbing Adonis while trying to get to Julius, I believe he was deeply shaken up by the whole Zodd encounter regardless, not to mention the thought of Griffith being injured, the guilt - god, the guilt, between the two of them I don’t know who would win when it comes to sheer amounts, but the key difference is that Griffith’s guilt morphs into self-loathing and ruthless actions and Guts’ guilt manifests as self doubt and a recklessness and disregard for his own safety that gets thrown back into his face when Griffith shows time and time again that he’s willing to put himself at risk to protect Guts in spite of all that. Imagine what a shock to Guts’ system that was, to be seen like that. It’s what he still wants, even now wayyyy post-eclipse.

If he hadn’t been stopped that very first time, I imagine him storming into that room and demanding Griffith explain why he risked his life again. His handling of the guards earlier and the fact that he never, not once during the golden age gave a single shit about politics and standing and propriety and would only participate for Griffith's sake speak volumes, because in that moment of intense feeling and on a quest for answers he moves on emotions alone, like he does in battles, where he goes with his gut instead of strategizing, and it helps the Hawks win, because he is the perfect wild card and so complementary to Griffith's more analytical nature. You could argue that emotive Guts = best Guts, but when it comes to directing them at Griffith in a productive way he always gets stopped one way or another, and I mean every. single. time.

In a perfect world Guts gets to storm into the room, where they’re alone and they do not get interrupted and instead of a non answer like ‘do I need a reason?’ Griffith would tell him exactly why, and the only you made me forget my dream is said to Guts’ face instead of thought during Griffith’s despair event horizon. Guts probably wouldn’t even know how to process that and would promptly leave the room to think that over, or not think about it and swing his sword some in frustration, but crucially that would have created an opening and a version of Berserk where Guts is mercifully allowed to seek out Griffith when his emotions dictate that he should.

So then, even if the story unfolds the same after this and Griffith still makes his speech to Charlotte and Guts still wants to see him that night because he just did something horrible and needs comfort, even if Caska gets thrown in front of him again to stop him there would be an opening - because it was allowed to happen before, and last time he learned he meant more to Griffith than he could have ever imagined, maybe he would know to take Griffith’s words about equals and see them for what they really are instead of feeling so horribly incompetent and resolving to leave.

In a perfect world he seeks Griffith out afterwards, and tells him he overheard, and Griffith would probably panic and start babbling politics as damage control, and Guts would throw in a ‘what are we?’ and Griffith would look into his eyes and say ‘you’re so much more to me than an equal’ (I’ll write the fic someday, I promise) and then... well. All I’m saying is when Guts is allowed to be emotionally vulnerable when he’s alone with Griffith that would give Griffith the boost of confidence he needs to finally open up and tell the truth about his own feelings. Because Guts isn’t alone there, Griffith’s just as emotional, just as fragile, if he allowed someone close. He’s just better at pushing all that down until his indifference becomes a mask he wears and a weapon he wields.

He could overcome it, but it starts with Guts, he’s the catalyst, as the only one that could have ended Griffith’s dream that’s only fair.

Now last but not least, the hill of swords.

In a perfect world, the eclipse never happened because Guts, knowing his true worth in Griffith’s heart, would never leave. And even if he did, for whatever other reason, having opened up to someone would have made Griffith a hell of a lot less repressed, and less likely to hit a point of despair so strong it triggers the behelit. After all, it wasn’t the torture that broke him.

But.

The eclipse does happen, and even then, with all the bad blood between them and al that hurt and anger Guts still want to run to Griffith. There is a reason why my favorite moment in the whole entire manga is that scene. It’s just- mwah. Kissing my fingers. So good. I almost have no words. Almost.

Guts, for a moment, forgets that he has to kill Griffith. And I say has because wants does not feel right to me. I don’t believe Guts, nor Griffith, nor Caska or anyone in the story for that matter really ever gets to do what they want. In the world of Berserk desire is a ticket that leads straight to tragedy. But Guts has to kill Griffith, and he forgets himself for a moment and is ready to run to him, and in that moment I see the echo of all the moments before where he wanted to do the same thing and was stopped.

Again it’s Caska that jolts him back to reality and his rage and away from Griffith, who even as Femto draws Guts in. Who even after everything he’s done has Guts standing there with wide eyes and the whole of his body straining towards him. Now if this sounds overly romanticized to you I say this, look again. That’s Guts, again, vulnerable and raw and hurt, and to who does he want to go? I guarantee if Zodd hadn’t whisked Griffith away when Guts went on his mad dash to run him through with a sword under the pretense of rescuing Caska it would not have been her he’d locked eyes with first.

Do I believe they would have talked heart to heart, even in that setting? I doubt it. But if Caska hadn’t been involved, and Zodd was nowhere to be seen I wonder what could’ve been said. I imagine Griffith as Femto wouldn’t have let Guts come close enough to physically harm his brand new body, but perhaps if he was slightly less in denial about no longer feeling anything he would have let Guts rant and rave and cry out all his anger instead of flying off, and maybe in seeing the pain in Guts for what it truly is - betrayal over hatred, a broken heart over unstoppable righteous fury - that would have made it easier for his heart to thaw, and perhaps then at least he would know that he meant more to Guts, like Guts meant more to him. And Guts, would he admit that to himself? That it’s not just anger and hatred he feels for Griffith? It gets hinted he knows that damn well several times post-eclipse, that the anger and hatred is just a front, the beast of darkness whispers it to him all the time. But it never gets to go somewhere, because he’s not alone with Griffith when it happens. Even now, even as enemies instead of comrades he’s still not allowed to be near Griffith when his emotions demand of him that he should be.

And that’s a damn shame.

Ninja out~

[hatsukeii]

Sorry if this is becoming a Tsukki stan blog with all the requests you get for him lmao. All of your precious depressed!Tsukki asks got me thinking. How would he comfort his girlfriend who is having nightmares about him committing suicide after she found him cutting or maybe attempting? I had to break into a friend’s house a couple years ago to stop him from committing suicide and as much as I love him, the thought of that night still haunts me. Thank you for even reading this honestly. 🥺

Okay this was on my list for one of the requests I had to do asap bc it seems like a serious issue that needs attention so I’m putting off the matchups and hcs and doing this one first.

But like it’s still super late I’m sorry-

Plus there’s nothing to be sorry about lol this blog becoming a tsukki stan blog is 100% okay-

I sure as hell hope you’re doing alright, and that your friend is safe, you two seem like amazing people:)

Darling, I’m right here//Depressed!Tsukishima x Reader

Word count: 1600+ (A bit shorter than usual I’m sorry-)

Warnings: Depression, attempted suicide, mild swearing

Summary: You wake up to a reoccurring nightmare.

“Tsukishima?”

“Kei? What are you doing?”

Thank god you had to get to school extra early that day. There Tsukishima was, sitting on the train platform, his feet dangling off the edge. “Kei?” He stayed silent, ignoring you as a bright light headed towards his direction. You knew he was depressed, but you sure as hell didn’t think he would actually try to commit suicide. Your eyes widened as you watched his hands push himself off the platform, landing onto the train tracks. You lifted your leg, desperate to rush over and pull him back up, but it was as if your feet were bolted to the ground, refusing to move. “COME ON! MOVE!” The train was now nearing him, it was guaranteed that it would hit him if he didn’t get out in the next three seconds. You tried to scream, tears flowing freely down your face, but nothing came out. You felt your throat burning, however all that was produced from your mouth were inaudible wheezes and whimpers. Your legs wouldn’t cooperate with you however hard you tried, refusing to leave the cold ground. Your fists were clenched so tight crescent shaped marks etched themselves into your palm. Everything went into slow motion as the train came into sight. Tsukishima sent you one last glance, smiling softly, before everything was painted red and his body was gone. Time seemed to go straight back to normal right afterwards. At the same moment, your legs decided to detach themselves from the ground, and your voice came back almost instantly. “KEI? KEI NO!” You bolted to the platform, hoping to find something, anything, that could convince you this was fake. The air around you was thick, the smell of blood wafting into your nose as you stare at the train tracks in horror. “Why? Why couldn’t I save you just now?” Your heart was thumping furiously, blocking all foreign noise out as you squeezed your eyes shut. You don’t even know what happened, but the second you opened up your eyes, you were in the hall at school, students crowding around your locker. “Wait, you were there when he did it?” “Why didn’t you save him?” “How could you just let him jump off?” The questions never stopped coming. You slammed your hands over your ears, frantically trying to shut out the haunting voices. “No, nononononono stop, please! Please, I couldn’t do anything I couldn’t save him!”

“I COULDN’T SAVE YOU!”

You gasped, hitting your head on the coffee table as you bolted upwards, cold sweat dripping off your forehead as you panted. Tear stains were evident on your face, although you swear you didn’t know you were crying. Your hair was a disheveled mess, strands of baby hair sticking out of your head. Grabbing your sheets in one hand and your chest in the other, you continued to pant heavily, your mind racing in between your reoccurring nightmare and reality. Why was it that again? That was at least a year ago, and yet it still haunted you to this day. You were quick enough to grab Tsukishima from the platform during his attempt, but was that nightmare going to happen if you couldn’t pull him back to safety in time? Would he have died just like that, with no one knowing until a day later? Just the thought of the possibility made you shudder. Your hands made their way next to you, where your boyfriend was comfortably sleeping. Scrambling for his chest, you heaved a heavy sigh when you felt his steady heartbeat on your palm, breathing along to the beats on his chest. You gulped down your saliva, gripping his shirt tightly, as if you were too afraid to even let go for a second. You weren’t going to let him go ever again. Not when he obviously needed support and affection. You looked around Hinata’s living room. The movie from an hour ago was still on, however all the boys were already fast asleep. Kageyama was peacefully snoring away on the couch, Hinata was drooling all over his pillow, Nishinoya was grumbling in his sleep, Tanaka was making weird punching motions, and Yamaguchi stirred a little bit, his eyes squeezing shut. You pretended to lay down again, not wanting to concern the freckled boy with your sudden outburst. His body eventually went limp again as he continued to snore softly. Seeing that the coast was clear, you sat back up, trying to calm yourself down for the third time this week. Your hand was still grabbing onto the blond’s shirt, feeling the soft fabric in between your fingers.

“(Y...Y/N)?”

You froze.

Shit. You forgot that Tsukishima was a light sleeper.

Feeling him shift underneath your hand, you instantly let go of his shirt, gripping onto the mattress Hinata gave you two instead. The mattress dipped a bit, Tsukishima starting to carefully sit up. His hair was messier than usual, despite it being relatively short. Rubbing his eyes, he gave your hunched over figure a glance, completely confused. “(Y/N), what are you doing up so late?” Rapidly turning around, your hand landed on his chest, feeling for his heartbeat. Next, it went up to cup his cheeks, then his arms as your eyes took in his entire body frantically. Finally, your arms wrapped around his neck, burying yourself in his presence. Awkwardly, he returned the embrace by patting your back with one hand, the other arm wrapping around your waist. Your mind was on the verge of insanity. His attempt at suicide was still overwhelming to you, even if it’s already been an entire year. Most people would ask why you haven’t moved on, but truth be told, you couldn’t. Tsukishima was still depressed, he could very well try doing it again, maybe this time in an even more subtle way. In a way where not even you can stop him. You were scared. Anxious. Terrified. Just the thought of him leaving you forever was too much to bear, and brought you to tears. You would have frequent nightmares about him killing himself in various ways. Pills, hanging, jumping off a roof, and the worst of them all, jumping into the train tracks. His initial attempt. And every single time, you wouldn’t be able to save him. You would be stuck to the floor, hopelessly draining yourself of your energy as you try to scream. “I couldn’t save you, what? Why? How are you here? I thought you jumped in? This isn’t a dream right?” 

That was when it struck Tsukishima. Everything was clear as day now. The reason why you came to school sleep deprived every day. Why you constantly fell asleep in class. Why you were always last online at three in the morning. “Why did you never tell me about this?” He could feel the wetness of your tears as you forced your face into his neck more. “Didn’t want you t-to worry more than you already do. I’m gonna go crazy if I see another c-cut on that beautiful skin of yours.” His hand stopped, resting in the small of your back. “(Y/N)...” He didn’t think his self harming tendencies and his suicide attempt would affect you this much. He never thought anyone really cared. However when you hauled him home and screamed at him after catching him trying to jump into the train tracks, that ignited something in him. He now had someone he had to- no. Wanted to protect. One person cared enough to save him, and that was all it took for him to realise a bit of his self worth. He would do anything to keep you happy and safe. One of your first requests was for him to stop cutting. He had stopped scattering his skin with cuts, despite his crippling depression. He had done it just for you, and it felt amazing. You usually just waved him off with a casual “Insomnia’s a bitch” whenever he asked about the dark eye bags, or the questionable time you were last online. Never did the thought that you were still traumatised from events that happened over a year ago pass his mind. He should’ve known that this would affect you badly. How could he have been so selfish? Disregarding your emotions as he tried to end his life. He felt terrible. He was pissed at himself. For being so selfish and foolish.

He heaved a heavy sigh, mentally punching his nuts. Moving his hand from your back, he caressed your head tenderly, as if you were a glass statue that would break with the tiniest push. You sobbed even harder, squeezing him tight. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” His eyes fluttered shut as he held onto your trembling figure, peppering your head with tiny kisses in an attempt to comfort you. You smelled like shampoo and roses. He couldn’t help but take a sniff. You were the sole reason he was still here, living and breathing as he plummeted through his hole called life. Without you, he would’ve been dead ages ago. You were the guiding light in his life, reminding him about everything he should live for. Everything he should be happy for. Taking your head off his neck, you look straight at him with teary eyes. “You’re here right? This is real?” His heart shattered at the sight. His beautiful, amazing, precious, perfect girlfriend, was crying because of him. He pushed your head back into his shoulder, giving you the biggest hug as he held his grip on you tightly.

“Darling, I’m right here. I’m always gonna be here.”

Ahhhh I hope you liked it even though it’s a lot shorter than what I usually write🥺👉👈💖💕

Tags: @ewfilthymundane @izzyphantomgamer @sunshines-and-tatertots @tiger1719 @trashcanweeb @inlwlevi @itmekisuu @just-another-bored-writer @justachillgirl @burnt-tomato @for-ests @bokutokoutarou @kaylacinderella @random-fandomlover @xonfusedsoul @estherwritess @macaronnv @talks-a-lot-of-stuff @agentvicinity @sakusasgarbage @tiredgr3mlin @emsvegetables @fullmetalfangirl21 @poppirocks @mariechan123 @tokyoghoose

Dm or comment if you wanna be included in the taglist or if I forgot to tag you!

[illfoandillfie]

Welcome Home

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

Summery: Roger’s delayed getting home from tour.

Warnings: SMUT (18+),but it’s like light smut lmao,cock warming,morning sex,just like some fluffy bullshit really

Words: 2326

A/N: Been a lil minute since I wrote Rog and I kinda missed him. this idea came to me last week and wouldn't leave me alone lmao

Taglist: @laedymoon​ @dtfrogertaylor​ @vee-ndetta​ @atomic-watermelon​ @kellypenac​ @labessieisallama​ @deakyclicks​ @jennyggggrrr​ @drowseoftaylor​ @hannafuckingsucks​ @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming​ @queenmylovely​ @supersonicfreddie​ @taron-egrotten @johndeaconshands​ @borhapbois​

It had been a couple of months since you’d seen Roger face to face. The biggest downside of dating a rock star was dealing with his absence. Everyone seemed insistent on dragging him away from you, often to the other side of the world. You took comfort knowing he missed you as much as you missed him, and that he was leaving you to live out his lifelong dream. What could be more important than that? When he was away, he called frequently to check in with you. You’d laugh about whatever drama he’d had to endure during rehearsal (though privately you were sure he exaggerated) and then you’d tell him all about what he was missing back home. But the further into the tour he got, the more the calls changed. Gone were the long conversations that unpacked every minute aspect of your day. They were replaced with long conversations that answered the question how was your day? in the first five minutes and dedicated the rest of the time to talk of possible ways to celebrate his eventual return, growing steadily filthier. The problem was that, having moved in together, you’d become accustomed to a certain amount of physical intimacy that you just weren’t getting without Roger there. You missed being able to startle him by laying ice cold hands against the back of his neck, missed cuddling up with him on the couch. You even missed the way he’d pinch your bum as he hugged you, laughing when you squealed in response and batted his chest with your palm. Of course, you missed the sex too. He’d always claimed to be a good lay and, so far, he hadn’t disappointed you. It wasn’t always easy to unwind after a long or hard day of work without being able to grab Roger by the hand and pull him into the bedroom for a few hours, and sometimes the forced abstinence just added to any tensions or stresses you were already dealing with. Plus it was nice to have someone you enjoyed having sex with, who liked making you feel good, and it kind of just sucked to lose that. So being stuck with nothing but your imagination soon had you desperate for Roger’s return and he seemed to feel the same. By the end of the tour you’d abandoned all pretence and we just having straight up phone sex every other night, Roger locked away in his hotel room, you wherever you’d happened to pick up the phone – bedroom or kitchen or lounge room, it didn’t matter.

There was some mild embarrassment at the thought of what may be said of you if anyone were to overhear. Things mentioned in the heat of the moment often seemed silly after you’d hung up, the fog of needy lust subsiding. But while you were on the phone you couldn’t care less who heard what, as long as Roger was there, listening to you, describing his own ideas in response. It was good that Roger had just as large a disregard for anyone else’s ears as you because you were sure one of the boys would be in the room next to his, probably able to hear everything he said. Perhaps if they’d been able to hear your voice, your moans, you would have been more concerned, but you were alone on your end of the line, free to be as loud as you liked. And when you were lying in bed, one hand shoved down the front of your pants, listening to Roger describe how he wanted to fuck you, loud is exactly what you were. The hand that wasn’t pressed to your clit held the phone held tight to your ear, as if loosening your grip would shake you loose from Roger himself.

“Christ I miss your cunt,” he groaned down the line, the sound of his hand sliding over his dick audible beneath his words, “tell me you miss my cock,”

“God yes Rog,” you whined, a little startled by just how much you meant it. “Miss how you fuck me. My fingers are fucking shit compared to the way it feels when you fill me,”

“Shit, love. The second I see you I’m going to slide into your pussy and just stay there for as long as I can.”

“I’ll squeeze down on you,” you warned, not in the mood to think about being full and unfucked.

“Good. I’ll cum in you and then stay there until you’re squirming and begging and I’m hard enough to pound you. Fuck you so loud the neighbours complain. Might even keep myself stuffed inside you until I can start round three.”

“Jesus Rog,”

“You like the sound of that? Being my own personal cock sleeve?”

“Mmhmm, so much. You could live in me. Just stay inside me forever, fucking me and pumping me full of cum over and over.”

“Fuck. I can hear how wet you are.”

So it usually went, or something similar.

But, unfortunately, your most recent phone call was nowhere near as fun. Roger had meant to be home by six. You’d been excited and spent the afternoon getting things ready. A nice hot bath with your favourite scents, fresh sheets for you to ruin the minute he walked in the door, a bottle of wine for afterwards. It would pair nicely with the steaks and sides you’d prepped – all easy and fast to cook as soon as you’d recovered enough. You even put on some of your nicest underwear. Not your fanciest lingerie because it was likely to be torn in his haste to undress you, but it was a matching set and one you knew he liked. But six o’clock came and went and he didn’t walk in the door. Enough time passed that you’d gotten cold waiting in just your undies, so you’d thrown a robe over the top and settled in front of the TV under a blanket. But it was hard to relax when you didn’t know where Roger was or why he hadn’t come home when he said he would. After a few more hours the phone rang and you raced to it, slightly worried you were about to hear something devastating. You sighed in relief at the sound of Roger’s voice but he didn’t have much time to chat. He rushed out an explanation for his being late – something about a weather delay and missing luggage – and then hung up again. A little upset at having to wait even longer to see him, and that your night had been ruined, you fixed yourself a quick dinner, leaving the steaks for the next day instead. You didn’t change though, just in case, your head flicking towards the front door at every little sound. It was late when you finally decided to call it a night, stumbling up to your room, not even bothering to change into pyjamas before you slipped under the covers.

The next thing you knew was being woken by someone climbing into bed next to you, the chill of his fingers making you shiver as he brushed hair off your face. You cracked an eye open, but the sun hadn’t risen and it was hard to see more than a vague outline, Roger’s quick apology for waking you confirmation of who he was. He felt you move to try and get a better look and softly told you to go back to sleep. Instead you waited for him to finish undressing and then shuffled closer, reaching out for him. He let you wrap your arms around him, repaid you with a soft kiss.

“You’re home,” you mumbled, not fully awake.

“Finally. Sorry I’m late,” his voice was low and rough and comforting to hear, right beside your ear, undistorted by connection issues and distance, “Fucking terrible night. But I’m glad to see you again.”

“Not quite the welcome I’d planned,” you said through a yawn.

He laughed softly and kissed the tip of your nose, “Me neither.”

“I got all dressed up and everything,”

Roger raised the blankets into the air, peaking under, trying to see what you meant, letting out a low whistle and a “now I really wish I’d been here sooner,” though you weren’t convinced he could actually see the set through the grey black of the early hour.

You laughed sleepily and raised a hand to stroke his cheek as he fell back to the pillow.

“I was thinking about you the whole way home,” he broke off to yawn, “Had to have a quick wank halfway across the Atlantic,” he yawned again and let his eyes shut for a moment, blinking them back open to look at you with a hint of his cheeky grin.

“Remember when you said you’d fuck me as soon as you saw me,”

“Not sure I have the energy for that. Don’t think you do either.”

You hummed in agreement, the sandman tugging at the corners of your brain, but there was another idea there too. Something more insistent. You tightened your grip on Roger, adjusted yourself to be more comfortable, pulled his head closer to the crook of your neck, able to feel his warm breath on your bare skin. “Kinda want you inside me anyway, Rog.”

“Really?”

The more you thought about it the more you wanted it. You’d missed his presence in the house, the smell of his shampoo and his cigarettes and his aftershave all mixed together, the way his laugh could fill a room, how it felt to sit in the backyard on a warm day and listen to him plucking at one of his guitars, the way he smiled when he said he loved you. And now that he was back all you wanted was to keep him close, listen to his every breath, feel his hair tickling your neck, the scratch of his stubble before he shaved, his warmth seeping into your skin. Just lying beside him wasn’t enough. You wanted to drown in him, completely and utterly surround yourself in him. But that was too hard to explain so early in the day, when you’d had only a couple hours sleep and he seemed to be running on even less. So you replied with a short, “Mmhmm,” lilting upward, and dropped your lips to the top of his head.

“You sure?” his question was an exhale against your throat, fingertips dancing closer to the waistband of your knickers.

“Positive. Just for a bit, please,”

He stifled another yawn as he pushed your underwear down, letting you kick them off one foot as he got rid of his own. There was a pause as he ran his hand along his length in long lazy strokes, a needy whine caught on the tip of your tongue as you waited. But it died there, replaced by a gasp as he pulled your leg over him and slowly sunk into you. Your fingers tightened where they lay and you felt his groan as vibrations against your throat as he filled you inch by inch.

“You okay?”

“Perfect,” you whispered back, “Welcome home.”

Roger hummed and breathed deep, taking a moment to wiggle into a slightly more comfortable position, hitching your leg up a little higher, tilting your head down so he could find your lips again. You saw his eyes flutter shut as he relaxed into the pillows, content to just stay like that until he could summon the energy to do more. You let your own eyes shut too, relishing the way it felt to be stretched around him, listening to his breaths slowing down and evening out.  

It was Roger’s groan that made you stir. An almost desperate sound, though he tried to keep it quiet. Slowly you blinked your eyes open, trying to tell whether Roger was awake yet too, or whether the noise was made in his sleep. You could see him clearer now, the bags under his eyes, the ruffled unkempt look of his hair. Your leg was still slung over him, slipped a little from where he’d placed it, and without thinking you made to move it back. Roger groaned again as a small gasp left you, the full memory of what had happened the previous night returning to you. It was weird, waking up so full, but not unpleasant.

“Y/N,” he sighed, “you up?”

“Mmhmm,”

“Love, do that again and we’re going to have a mess to clean up,” he warned, softly.

“How long you been awake?”

“Not long. But you’ve been clenching around me a bit in your sleep and I’m so close.” The last two words were almost pained and you briefly considered moving, letting Roger go so he could calm down sufficiently. But you were comfortable and happy wrapped around him and the memory of your phone calls nagged at the back of your mind, “You can let go,”

“What?”

“I’m… what’d you call me…your personal cock sleeve? So let go,”

Roger stared at you, eyes wide though still tired looking, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d heard. But, when you didn’t take it back he leaned in to kiss you, rocking his hips against you slowly, letting out a low noise as you felt him empty inside you. You kissed him in return, stroked his cheek as he calmed down. Just for a moment you let your eyes slip shut again, basking in the feeling of it all. When you looked back at Roger he was still staring.

“I love you,”

“Good, I don’t plan on letting you leave this bed much today,”

“Sounds good to me,” he laughed softly, following it with a hiss when you intentionally clenched on his sensitive dick again, “wait, wait love, give me like another minute.”

You apologised and settled for another kiss instead, leaving a few extra along his jaw until he was able to make good on his earlier promises.

[rawrroarart]

Diakko!Odyssey AU

Most recent update: 8/28/2020 I added the comic of them meeting and also wrote a little snippet under the Diakko section

Welcome all. This post will officially be my master post of the Odyssey AU which will be updated as time moves forward so that I can link all of my related art to it. Yes I will not be posting multiple separate Updates in text posts how it’s traditionally done, but instead there will be information with each art and then a link back to this post. This is to avoid clutter since I hardly post on this blog anyway so it wouldn’t be fun having to scroll through all of my “OH ALSO THIS HAPPENS!” to get to art. Also I keep changing my mind on a lot of things in the AU so disregard information under the arts anyway as I will be posting here what is actually relevant.

Another key thing: I will be avoiding spoilers as much as possible until they are either shown in art or stated explicitly like I do in posts because I am the absolute worst at surprises. But anyway fear not for spoilers. Things said here are things that should be hinted at/known already. (and also I hardly know anything but maybe I will in due time)

Without further ado..

Introduction

What is the Odyssey AU?

The odyssey au is an alternative universe combining both Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey and Little Witch Academia into this (very random) adventuring story that takes place in ancient Greece. I guess I can’t say that it’s random since one of my favorite things about both ACO and LWA is the ties/references to mythology with the former obviously more rooted in the mythology and the latter just fun easter egg references. 

The general premise is that Diana is a misthios(mercenary) who travels with Akko, a shapeshifter, across Greece to find the answers pertaining to her origin.

The first art post: Diana and Akkoros

While living her life as a misthios, Diana searches for the answers pertaining to her origin and superhuman (described as “magical”) abilities along with Shapeshifter Atsuko, who commonly uses her powers for flight, but is not shy to switch to animals more suited for combat.

But I don’t know what Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey is?

That’s fair and understandable. Honestly my AU diverges a lot from the game so I don’t think knowledge of ACO is exactly necessary it’s just fun to understand the connections if you know them. Basically the key things you need to know from ACO as of now is: 

Kassandra (the protag) is known as the Eagle Bearer because she has an eagle that is known as the “eagle of Zeus” throughout the game. And they adventure together and Ikaros (the eagle) can hunt n kill things and See things and tbh he’s rly just a cool eagle but not a shapeshifter or anything lol

Kassandra is a Mercenary (misthios) which is basically a for Hire fighter/person who will p much do anything for money (if they want to do it) 

Kassandra is usually referred to a demi-god because of her powerful fighting abilities in which I mean yea she literally has powers and can blast people like a billion miles away (im jk but-)

Kassandra can tame animals (which ones depending on your skill level). You can tame uhh wolves, lynx, leopards, lions, bears. This is where my ‘shapeshifter’ idea began and it pretty much fit perfectly since Akko’s favorite spell is the shapeshifting one. 

Other than this, the most important things to know for this AU is just,, general mythology,, I guess? Or history? General history of mythology and how people worshipped/acted in accordance to the gods. And I’m not saying im going to be historically accurate obviously, nor even mythologically accurate (if that’s even a thing lol), I’m just here to have a good time and enjoy my gay mercenaries while talking about gods/goddesses as if I even know (thankfully I have my gf who is way more interested in mythology than me to help me)

I’ve only played like half of the Atlantis DLC after beating the game so whoopsie. I honestly really wanna replay everything now that I have this AU just so I can focus more on details and what I can yoink.

Characters

Diana

Art: 

Diana’s sketch-dump though she really needs a new one.

Diana in wheat field

Diana is the main protagonist of the story, but they pretty much both share the spotlight anyway. Her goal is to find out why she has certain powers (which I have officially decided, finally...) that aren’t exactly human. Since being a misthios was an easy way for her to travel and make drachmae, she chooses to do it while on their journey. Dammit I came up with her lore but as per the rules of this masterpost I can’t write about it until it’s out smh.. Ah I forgot that I already spilled that she is a goddess/demi-goddess (haven’t decided which yet) so yea that’s the Tea.

Described as very beautiful, there are rumors of her that state she is a pathway to Elysium (despite many people not deserving to go to Elysium). She is also known for her stoic face and a red bird that follows her around.

Diana is only found smiling with Akko and keeps buying Akko clothes despite her outer grievances each time Akko destroys something.

Diana was there with her mother at Chariot’s speech/performance.

Diana is skilled with any weapon.

Akko

Art:

Akko sketch-dump

Akko is a shapeshifter who travels with Diana across Greece in search for her idolized Chariot. Trusting both Diana’s skills and powers, Akko decides that Diana is the best choice to help achieve her goal as they adventure together.

Orphaned at a young age, Akko is, at first, very unfamiliar with how exactly to use her powers because there was no one around to teach her. She uses a bird most often because it is her first and most skilled transformation, but eventually learns to use stronger animals over time. Also eagle-vision is much more useful to Diana when they’re scoping the grounds anyway.

Like all shapeshifters, Akko has a symbol on her neck that signifies what she is. Due to the high prejudice against shapeshifters, Akko stays an animal to avoid being known, and also does not transform in front of others unless to kill them. If she has to be a human, Akko commonly wears a hood to hide her neck. 

Akko is one of the last shapeshifters to exist, and, despite Chariot being rumored to have finally been murdered, she still believes Chariot is alive. 

Akko was with her parents when they all attended Chariot’s final speech/show and here began her dream.

Akko can use a dagger if she needs to.

Side-characters

Akko’s Parents: Shapeshifters who were murdered when Akko was a young age.

Chariot: A shapeshifter who somehow had a voice and power that even normal people listened to. Akko idolizes Chariot because, despite the hate against shapeshifters, Chariot was well known and was an activist for shapeshifters despite the danger upon her head. Chariot mysteriously disappears one day for reasons unknown, and everyone but Akko assumes she was finally murdered.

Shapeshifters

Shapeshifters are defined as humans who possess the ability to transform to any animal at will. Unfortunately, because animals were seen as less than human, shapeshifters were defined as “punished by the gods” and so many decided shapeshifters needed to be removed from the world for sin. This causes a massacre of shapeshifters to the point that they are instead a rarity.

Shapeshifters do not transform with their clothes, and so either destroy them or lose them depending on their transformation.

All shapeshifters have a symbol on their neck which is what is used to find them. They can also be found by their human personalities/characteristics when they are an animal. 

If weakened, shapeshifters return to their human form and cannot transform until they are stronger.

Diakko

Art:

Meeting (Comes with a 500 word story!)

Misthios!Diana and Shapeshifter!Akko Sketch-dump

Diana and Bear!Akko

Fancy Diakko (the first continuity error lol)

Diana and Akko adventure together and do all of their quests together as a rag-tag chaotic duo. God I’m so excited for this section I wish I could make art FASTER but anyway:

They meet at about 17 years old but the main story takes place when they are 18+

The two get off to a wrong start when Diana saves Akko’s life. Because Akko is a shapeshifter, she’s high in value to kill probably by some cult idk but there is always a bounty on her head. When Diana saves her, Akko assumes Diana only did so to steal the drachmae from the original perpetrators, but Diana really just leaves her alone afterwards. Confused, Akko legit just starts tagging along LMAO she finds Diana interesting and so follows her and Diana’s just like what the fuck but eventually she gets over it. They become powerful assets to each other as Diana can now scope the skies with Akko and Akko is pretty much protected under Diana. Then when Akko gets much stronger Diana gets extra manpower and protection too. 

Akko enjoys staying in her human form to spend time with Diana.

Diana keeps buying Akko clothes just because it makes Akko happy (and also, despite Akko uncaring because her transformations are so frequent anyway, Diana doesn’t want her to be naked??)

Diana is easily persuaded by Akko and puts Akko’s interests first (feeds her first, considers what Akko would want, etc.)

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 249: Todoroki Taco Night

Previously on BnHA: Nothing happened at all, because the manga was on break last week! Fortunately the anime had finally resumed after a billion years (estimation; exact length of time may be slightly off), so we had that to take the edge off in the meantime. Except we didn’t, because the anime also ended up going on break due to a rugby game or some shit. So that was nice. On a related note, when I die I’d like the Basement arc to lower me into my grave, so it can let me down one last time.

Anyway, Endeavor did some mentoring and gave Shouto and Kacchan a power-up assignment and told Deku to work on Air Force to help him master the fine control he needs for the Bloop. Then Fuyu called a week later and was all “HEY DAD, DINNER, OUR PLACE, TONIGHT, BRING THE KIDS.” And then as previously mentioned, we waited two whole fucking weeks and MY GOD, my body is ready, on to the new chapter we go!

Today on BnHA: Shouto, Katsuki, and Deku are cordially invited to Todosmith Farms for an evening of food and fun! They make it approximately six minutes into dinner before Natsu loses it and exits with more theatrics than a spurned reality TV show contestant. Baku and Deku spend the next hour being all “!!!” at each other back and forth, and whispering about how fucking dramatic the Todorokis are, which fully kills me and is my favorite thing ever to happen in the world. Deku then begins to guide Shouto through his personal healing process like fucking Mufasa booming at Simba from the heavens, and meanwhile Endeavor listens in while quietly kneeling before HIS DEAD SON’S PHOTOGRAPH, IN THE SHRINE THEY BUILT FOR SAID DEAD SON IN HIS BEDROOM, and sorrowfully wishing he could do more for his family. Anyways so I’m in ruins now, but otherwise fine. How are you?

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

well it’s Thursday morning, and I have just seen the picture of baby white-haired Touya because no one in this fandom knows how to fucking spoiler tag (and that’s on me too for browsing the BnHA tag on a Thursday; I know better, but I was just curious how this new group chat thing was working out), so here are my immediate thoughts

we never actually confirmed that the hair color correlates to their powers, huh. we just assumed. but come to think, there’s no reason why someone couldn’t have mom’s hair but dad’s quirk. it’s all Shouto’s fault for being a perfect 50/50 split and thus making everyone assume that THAT’S JUST HOW IT WORKS. damn you Shouto and your dramatic character design

anyways I tried not to look at the pic for too long -- once I realized what I was looking at, I averted my eyes -- but he does look like Dabi, I think. oh shit guys. it’s really fucking happening

and I also didn’t get a good enough look to determine whether this was a photo of Touya (that Deku or whoever happened to spot while visiting the Todochester Mystery House for the much-hyped dinner) or a flashback image (in which he is just standing really fucking still for some reason and staring directly at the camera), so I guess we’ll see. but anyways, Deku and Kacchan didn’t come all the way down to Todoroki taco night to not have their evening peppered with intricate family drama and reopened wounds and hysterical conspiracy theories, so you had better keep them goddamn entertained! lord knows the Todorokis don’t do small talk. this is literally their only way of spicing things up so their guests don’t die of sheer awkwardness while Endeavor sits in stony silence and Shouto just stuffs his face with soba all night

also aren’t we due some popularity poll results soon? just getting in all my random thoughts now before we dive in. anyways Horikoshi, so you know what I want to see now and you better deliver

aaaand now it’s Friday! so Happy Birthday Aizawa, and LET’S GET TO THAT CHAPTER

and we’re opening with Endeavor’s Redemption Arc: The Page. omg

holy fucking shit BnHA. you sure do have a way of making me wait WITH BATED BREATH!! FOR TWO WEEKS!!! ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT!!!! for the new fucking chapter only to have me immediately suck in a deep breath through my teeth and seriously reconsider whether I am in any way emotionally prepared to handle this. “you think you know what you want?!” Horikoshi demands. “YOU HAVE NO IDEA.” sob it’s trueeee

okay. okay. we can do this. hell, if we made it through Tomura’s flashbacks then this should be child’s play. so all right, let’s go

-- oh wait, but before I click to the next page, I just want to note that Endeavor isn’t the only one who’s nowhere to be found in this pic, though! boy you have three sons. uno dos tres

“the hellish Todoroki residence” lmao this legitimately sounds like the title of a Buzzfeed Unsolved episode

ARE YOU TELLING ME ENDEAVOR PROVIDES LUXURY APARTMENTS FOR ALL HIS FUCKING EMPLOYEES OMFG

SO MY THREE SONS HAVE ALL BEEN ROOMING TOGETHER UNDER ENDEAVOR’S ROOF!? THE FANFIC ENDEAVOR AGENCY RESIDENCES?! WHAT KIND OF OT3 SHENANIGANS HAVE BEEN ABOUNDING THIS PAST WEEK OH MY GOODNESS THIS IS LIKE A DREAM

OH MY GOD

okay I have like... ten different notes I want to make about Katsuki and I don’t know where to start SO I’LL JUST START SOMEWHERE!

I’ve legit wanted to see how he would look with his mask pushed up into his hair like a headband for the longest fucking time (I don’t know why! I just wanted to see it!) so this. is. Christmas for me omg. if only he wasn’t making one of his (◣д◢) faces and was instead making a normal face. but that’s probably too much to ask of him at THE CRACK OF DAWN, which brings me to my next point,

I thought he was a morning person?? [furiously checking headcanon notes] kid you go to bed at 8pm. you have your full eight hours by four in the fucking morning. and the full nine and a half hours that GROWING BOYS ACTUALLY NEED by 5:30am, which is when I always assumed you typically woke up in order to get in your morning workout and BEAST IT UP IN THE PIT or whatever gym people do. yet here you are, half dead, while Deku and Burnin’ are raring to go. were you just burning the midnight oil and that’s why you’re grumpy? WAS IT THE FANFIC AGENCY RESIDENCES SHENANIGANS, OH MY GOD I CAN’T

lastly, look at that unzipped collar. why is it that the more disheveled he looks the more I want to pile him up in a headlock and give him noogies. I love him so fucking much, this is ridiculous, he was only gone for two weeks but it felt like SEVENTEEN YEARS anyway

so Burnin’ is all “catch any villains faster than Endeavor yet, LOL, LIKE THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN!!” and they’ve been putting up with this trolling for a fucking week now huh. no wonder Katsuki’s ready to pack it in and sleep for the next year

motherfucker holy shit

sure thing coach. Todoroki Shouto out here ready for the morning huddle. BRING IT IN! ONE TWO THREE PLUS ULTRA

meanwhile Katsuki better keep his hair like that for the rest of the arc now. the collar too. I am living for this

what is Shouto doing with his hands

are you blowing a kiss. or beckoning toward her like Neo in the Matrix. are you channeling your inner Iida. wtf is this

this one panel perfectly encapsulates everything I love about this OT3 dynamic oh my god

Katsuki screaming at Todoroki that he’s better than him (based on impeccable, flawless logic). Shouto completely disregarding this and calmly continuing to have a normal conversation at a normal person volume. and Deku ignoring them both while sending the chipperest, most positive energy in the world out toward this other person because he loves everyone!!

and now there’s three closeups of the boys showing how worn out they are

they’ve been working so hard I’m so proud of them and also they totally deserve a night off to go gorge themselves on soba at Toderly Manor

and then there’s a whole nother page continuing to establish that it has been a week! and they’re working hard! and YES, WE KNOW, though

yep yep yep we get it now WHAT ABOUT THAT DINNER oh my god. it’s been four pages! and if we’re only getting thirteen again then this is precious real estate we’re just wasting here, come onnnnn

so Endeavor is continuing to show off how great he is while the kids look on in frustration

heh but I like this panel because LOOK AT THEM

ALL THREE OF THEM CAN FLY (basically). I love it. yes. just let them be airborne for the rest of the series

meanwhile Endeavor’s thinking agitated thoughts about how Fuyu wants him to try and CONNECT TO THE CHILDREN ON AN ACTUAL EMOTIONAL LEVEL, like what do you think he is?? a human being??!

lol he’s got that look like “WHY DON’T YOU JUST KILL ME NOW AND BE DONE WITH IT.” things he would rather do than have a family dinner with his kids and his two new apprentices: literally. anything. else. ah, but Endeavor. no one said the path of Not Being A Bastard would be easy

he’s thinking about how happy Fuyu sounded on the phone, though. “the thought of us finally becoming a real family...” c’mon Enji you can’t just let your only daughter down like that

and also me. you better not fucking let me down. I was promised dinner at Todoton Abbey and DAMN IT THIS IS HAPPENING

lol he’s getting all fired up and the kids are just mindlessly yelling back like “FUCK YEAH”

even the guy in the background’s like “YEAHHHHHHH LET’S DO ITTT.” the best part is how not a single one of them has any clue what they are loudly agreeing to

OH MY GOD

TODOLAND RANCH, AT LONG LAST. YESSSSS

lmao Kacchan

“it’s not too late!” he is so desperate, bless him. all he wanted was to curl up in his room with a bowl of spicy ramen after a long day and watch old All Might clips on Youtube while blissfully not interacting with a single other soul. and now instead they’ve dragged him to fucking Todo-a-Lago for dinner with his boss, his two best friends who he hates, and SOMEONE’S SISTER. what a nightmare

FUYUMIIIIII

worst part is, I don’t think Kacchan will be able to resist Fuyu’s Kind Elementary School Teacher Energy at all. he’s totally screwed. -- OH MY GOD, IS HE HIDING

like, I know this is the Todoroki drama chapter and that’s where my focus should be, and I’M SORRY, but you guys all know what you signed up for by this point, right? you can read a million other Todo hot takes on tumblr today, but this will forever be the blog that spends paragraphs and paragraphs obsessing over Kacchan hiding behind the door frame and sulking and asking “why though?” in increasingly petulant tones like a four-year-old because SOMEONE DRAGGED HIM TO A SOCIAL EVENT and this is his personal hell! Fuyu’s gonna end up having to manually feed him chicken like Satou did at the party

meanwhile now that I’m actually READING THE REST OF THE PANEL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, I have to pause for a moment to let my heart break over Deku saying that he hardly ever gets invited over by friends. hey Deku come here for a moment, I just have to give you a dozen hugs real quick and then you can continue as you were

anyway so guys I literally owe Todoroki Fuyumi my life and I want to send her flowers with a “THANKS FOR SAVING THE MANGA” card but it’ll have to wait until the chapter is done. let’s continue

NATSU’S HERE TOO, SHOUTO SAW HIS SHOES, OH M Y GO D

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(ETA: shout out to Natsu for wearing the greatest shirt of all time and taking Deku’s rookie-tier gags to THE NEXT LEVEL!)

I LOVE EVERYTHING. I’M SOBBING. BLESS YOU HORIKOSHI. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!

holy shit Deku

Alton fucking Brown over here. chill my dude

NATSU BRINGING THAT DRAMA YESSSS

and look how oblivious Deku is to the general vibe settling in here

what the fuck do you see. you just literally had no idea how else to respond to that, huh

oh my god oh my fucking god

(ETA: I’m laughing so hard and I’ll explain in the tags. sob.)

guys let me just break down these two panels for you

1. Fuyu is all “NATSU YOU COOKED TOO”

2. Shouto is all “WTF, I ATE NATSU FOOD AND NO ONE FUCKING TOLD ME”

3. Natsu is all “YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T BECAUSE... THAT MAN PROBABLY WOULDN’T ALLOW IT”

how the fuck is there drama brewing over the fucking cooking. this fucking family. and Shouto’s face is two seconds away from being my new icon omg

LMAO

SO YOU TWO FINALLY FUCKING CONNED ON TO THE DANGEROUS SITUATION YOU’VE FOUND YOURSELVES IN, HUH. that’s right bitches. welcome to Todo’s Landing

and now Fuyu has finally made a FATAL ERROR IN JUDGEMENT oh no. that error being trying to fall back on Shouto of all people to ease the awkward tension. that boy literally is made up of awkward tension. right down to his atoms. Fuyu what were you thinking??

FUYUMI: [SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE] “SHOUTO WHAT KIND OF FOOD DO YOU EAT AT SCHOOL!!!!”

SHOUTO: [LEAPING TO HIS FEET] “AT THE CAFETERIA!!!!”

someone help me I’m fucking dying. actually, you know what, help them

“yo Deku, do you wanna get the fuck out of here right now.” “yes, yes I do.” turns out, they didn’t really need that internship anyway. maybe they can still convince the centipede man to take them instead

holy shit

like, I feel so bad for him, but also Fuyu looks so fucking sad and I can’t?? this is too much, and things haven’t even gotten spicy yet. this arc is going to leave me a wreck

DSFKSLDFJLK

“it’s okay,” Horikoshi says comfortingly, “here’s a panel of your two good boys helping clean up.” WELL THANK YOU, EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT, I’M GOING TO GO SIT. and think about Katsuki being a fucking gentleman whose momma raised him right and who helps clean up the dishes after being invited over for dinner. never mind that he didn’t even help clean up the Christmas party. but he saw Fuyu being sad and immediately went MY GOD, I’VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP THIS STUPIDLY NICE LADY

anyway so are you two going to ask Endeavor why his kids hate him so fucking much. or just ignore it because you pretty much know the gist already because Shouto can’t keep a lid closed on anything

OH MY GOD THEY’RE HAVING A SECRET CONVERSATION ABOUT IT

FFFFFFFdfsLK -- “YOU GUYS WERE TALKING ABOUT IT RIGHT NEXT TO ME, ON ACCOUNT OF I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE, IN THE SHADOWS, BECAUSE I WAS EAVESDROPPING, SHUT UP”

anyways so did you guys know that Deku and Kacchan having whispered conversations about how dramatic the fucking Todorokis are is my all-time aesthetic. I didn’t know either actually. but it is

Fuyu why are you apologizing to Shouto for making him help clean up

AND WHY ARE YOU PERSISTING IN MAKING THAT FACE. SON OF A BITCH. GIRL I’M BRINGING YOU SOME ICE CREAM AND SOME DVDS. WE’RE GONNA HAVE A SLEEPOVER AND FORGET ALL ABOUT THIS SHIT. PLEASE FEEL BETTER. I’M SORRY YOUR TWIN BROTHER IS DEAD AND YOUR WISH TO HAVE A NORMAL FAMILY IS NEVER GOING TO FUCKING COME TRUE BECAUSE WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS OMG

oh my god she’s having a heart to heart with Shouto about how he feels about Endeavor. oh my god I see Horikoshi aiming a bow right at my fucking heart. he’s notching the fucking arrow, this is it, it’s been real you guys

that look in his one visible eye. god. there it is. oh god. hurts

(ETA: do you suppose all of the Todorokis have secretly had that exact same dream. we know Fuyu has, and Rei as well based on her letter. I’m starting to think that Shouto has too. it only makes sense that a boy who was denied a real childhood for the first fifteen years of his life is going to have some part of him that secretly longs to just have a normal family. in related news, Shouto had better get some fucking hugs in this arc!)

-- ARE YOU SERIOUS

WHAT IS IT WITH HORIKOSHI LATELY AND BEING DONE WITH JUST IMPLYING THINGS AND NOW VERY INTO SHOWING THEM IN EXPLICIT HORRIFYING DETAIL. HERE’S A DEAD DOG! HERE’S A DYING CHILD! HERE’S A SIX-YEAR-OLD WHOSE MOM JUST POURED SCALDING WATER ON HIS FUCKING FACE AND SHE DIDN’T MEAN TO BUT IT’S TOO LATE AND NOW THEY’RE BOTH TRAUMATIZED. AND SHE’S USING HER QUIRK TO HEAL HIM AND HELLO, THIS ONE PANEL IS ABOUT TO MAKE ME START CRYING. KATSUKI YOU WERE RIGHT. WHY, THOUGH

(ETA: yeah this does not bode well for an upcoming flashback in which a child was presumably burned the fuck alive. feels like Horikoshi was testing the waters to see how much he could get away with. we may be in for some brutal shit pretty shortly.)

OH MY GOD A LETTER

they’re going to discharge her soon!?? IMMINENT FEELINGS INBOUND. I HAVE NO MORE SPACE TO PUT THEM!! MY HOUSE IS PACKED WITH FUCKING FEELINGS ALREADY, PLEASE

ahhhh he says he doesn’t know

this is the most realistic fucking thing I’ve read in this manga to this date. not knowing how you feel about the abusive parent who did so much harm but is now trying to change. boyyyyy howdy I feel that in my fucking bones. Horikoshi is out there delivering the real shit. goddamn

KATSUKI MY HERO

it’s as though Horikoshi placed his hands on his shoulders and said “listen up sonny boy, I’ve got an important job that only you can do. defuse this tension. in any way you can.” and Katsuki looked him dead in the eye and said “I got this”

meanwhile Deku’s hoping he can spontaneously develop another new quirk which will open up a hole in the ground to swallow him up

DEKU: “I HAD PERMISSION!!!” KACCHAN: “I DIDN’T HAVE SHIT!!”

HE IS BITCHING LIKE A DISGRUNTLED HOUSEWIFE HOLY SHIT I’M LOSING MY MIND

“A NORMAL, PLEASANT EVENING!!” yes of course, that’s why you spent the entire ride over here clinging to Todoroki’s shirt and repeating “WHY” ad infinitum. anyways as usual this child is a nightmare whose fickle tirades absolutely no one deserves to be subjected to, god bless him and I adore him so

and Deku is again apologizing for him like they’re fucking married. this chapter is filled with so many highs and lows for me, it’s wild

this, to be clear, is one of the highs. god I love it

oh shit it looks like Deku’s getting ready to say something! SOMETHING WISE, I BET

YESSSSSSS

IS HE?? sometimes this kid can just peer into other people’s souls with perfect clarity, it’s uncanny

oh my god Shouto’s face

genuine shock. he doesn’t even know how he feels, but somehow Deku is able to cut right to the heart of it

oh my god Katsuki’s there to chime right in too and say “but if you feel like he doesn’t deserve forgiveness that’s fucking fine too”

this is actually incredibly fucking supportive? anyway so guys have I mentioned within the last five seconds how much I love Bakugou fucking Katsuki. I have? well that’s okay I’ll just say it again anyway. and also I love Deku and Shouto too oh my god. bless this chapter

oh lol nevermind that still Deku talking while Katsuki is just making faces. well he’s doing his best. anyways so like I said I love Midoriya fucking Izuku

(ETA: [chinhands] do you guys think. that perhaps. Midoriya Izuku might be harboring some unresolved feelings regarding his own absent daddo. maybe. ??? why does this chapter have so many layers??)

ah I see, Katsuki spied Natsu just STANDING THERE LISTENING IN THE DARK, as one does, and that’s why the face

and also YES, Shouto is like the kindest fucking person in the whole series possibly. thank you for acknowledging that?? I’m in the process of arranging all of these new feels into a comfy little pile now, so maybe I can curl up in them. if Horikoshi insists on delivering more and more

SLDKFJSLDKFLSHGLKJKLJSLGKJSDLFKSDLFKJLSDKJFLKSL

“THE OTHER CHILD WHO’S NO LONGER THERE” RED ALERT, RED FUCKING ALERT, IT’S REALLY HAPPENING, HOLY FUCKING SHIT. REMINDER TO SELF, NEXT THURSDAY I’M GONNA HAVE TO GO ON A SELF-IMPOSED INTERNET HIATUS FOR TWENTY-FOUR HOURS BECAUSE FANDOM’S GOING TO LOSE THEIR FUCKING SHIT WITH THE SPOILERS NEXT WEEK AND I’M NOT EVEN MAD

sdfhk. oh my god. and so it was a photograph! but one which appears to be a segue into a flashback! and the law of escalating tragic flashbacks states that Touya’s is somehow going to be even more horrific than our last flashback, in which, let me just think back for a sec, oh yes, an entire family was massacred and torn into bloody chunks including a six-year-old girl and a dog, and the surviving child was then adopted by a psychopath who adorned him with severed hands and was all “NEVER FORGET HOW FUCKED UP YOU FEEL ABOUT ALL THIS” and then the child murdered some people to feel better about himself. so this is somehow going to be worse than that. well that’s just. ...I don’t even know. I literally can’t think of a lighthearted way to end that train of thought lmao. WE ARE FUCKING SCREWED. get ready to burn, baby

but meanwhile, parting thoughts

so they really do believe he’s dead. that’s confirmed. and he died (or, well, “died”) young, too, based on this picture and on the toys on that shelf. fffff

Endeavor kneeling at a family shrine to pay respects to his dead son and miserably wishing he was still alive is just. repeated stabbings of my already mutilated heart. thanks. thanks for that

he heard EVERYTHING and he’s saying nothing, because what can he say?? I meanwhile have already said “oh my god” about 1600 times in this recap, but I’ll go ahead and say it again anyway one last time because oh my god, the fucking Todofam AND THEIR FUCKING DRAMA!!!

what can I do for my family at this stage? the last plea of a desperate man struggling to make amends and piece together something he’s already shattered into a million pieces. he keeps dreaming of them being happy together, even if he’s not in the dream. he wants to do right by them, finally. but he doesn’t know how. anyways so people have been saying and saying that this arc so far has been death flag after death flag for this old coot, and you know what, they’re fucking right. this does not have a happy ending. this is going to be fucking devastating. and here I am, fully obsessed with it. fuck me

anyways I guess that’s finally everything I can think of to say. this recap is already a million fucking words so that’s fine lol. why though

[babes-and-baddies]

Best to worse lov member to lose your virginity to lmao

how exactly do you define ‘best’, my dude? is it superior skill, emotional intimacy and mutual trust, a secure relationship going forward, a lack of commitments and hangups? because depending on your needs, there are reasons any one of the LOV could be the best to give up your v-card to,,, and i, a humble thirsty hoe, shall explain all of those reasons by explaining just what it’d be like to have your first time with them

that said, here’s my Hot Take (under cut because i went overboard lmao…, NSFW, obvi):

Kurogiri:     He’s an absolute gentleman, and an experienced one at that. Kurogiri can take you apart with ease, touch you just so, and still make you relax against him as he takes the lead and shows just how good sex can get. He’s the type to take his time, noticing your tics and turn-ons and paying mind to your newly-discovered limits before you even know what it is you like. Kurogiri would make sure you feel secure, satiated; even after you cum, he’ll take care to check in with a glass of warped-over water to ensure you’re feeling alright. Plus, if you make it a thing, well. Once he knows your weaknesses, what you need, he’d be more than happy to push some boundaries and experiment with some of your more…. questionable of fantasies. He may be a gentleman, but he’s still a rather alternative-minded one; such is the fate for those who become villains. Lucky you ;)

Twice:     While he may not seem the type to be so high on the list at first, you’ve got to admit that Jin’s got a lot going for him here. Loyal, caring, humorous, and extremely considerate, Twice is a perfect choice for those who want something fun, tender, safe and passionate for their first time. If he sees you as a friend or teammate, Jin is more than willing to go the extra mile to take things over-the-top and give you a night you’ll never want to forget, even if it it’s far from the high-finesse perfection you could get elsewhere. Jin also has another talent invaluable for your first time: he knows how to make you laugh and let go. Carefree humour meets unashamed affection, and whenever something awkward or embarrassing happens it can be brushed off without concern. Do you make a weird and unattractive noise, or end up falling off the bed in a tangle of limbs? Jin would only respond with a light heart, taking in all your ‘flaws’ as something natural and fun, showing that it’s okay to not hang up on the ‘imperfections’ that simply make your time together real.  You have nothing to worry about, since sex is weird, right? Especially your first time. And guess what, Jin’s a bit weird too! Why should that make them any less good?To be with Jin is intimate but stress-free, passionate but light-hearted, and you can let go knowing that your comfort and feelings come first. The only downside is that he might think your trust is so precious, your time together so special, that he might just fall in love with you. But with a sweetheart like Jin, that’s more an extra benefit than anything. How could you make love to him and not feel the same in return? 

Magne:    As someone who calls upon self-respect and a deep loyalty to her teammates, if you find yourself by Magne’s side you can trust her to treat you with all the care you deserve. She would do anything for her friends, for her loved ones, and if you give your virginity to her it’s sure to be given the weight it deserves. After all, she knows full well the impact of self-autonomy and choosing how to use and inhabit your own body. With you supporting and trusting her own self, Magne knows the importance of returning the favour.And if there’s romance in the equation? All the better! But either way, Magne looks out for her own. While she may be more vanilla, she’s someone who puts your needs and boundaries first without expecting anything extra of you. And if what you need is a safe, comfortable first time with someone you can trust, she’s got you covered. 

Compress:     Sako is who you go to when you want skill, with a side of respectful detachment. There’s less intimacy, less care, but when you want to fuck the first time just to see what it’s like and get it over with already, or to finally get into it without having to worry about all the messy details, Sako can take care of it. So there’s less intimacy, sure, but fuck does he make up for it by knowing how to use what he’s got. He’s the type to take his time, to tease, to make a show of it for both your and his viewing pleasure, and he’s got the swift hands and cunning tongue to make taking you apart only the first act. He can ease you into things, but soon enough you might find yourself wanting even more of what he has to offer. 

Spinner:    While Spinner may not seem like someone to have your first time with, consider: shy + disciplined + beefy = very enthusiastic and eager-to-please good time. I’ll be the first to admit he may not have much in the way of experience, but Shuichi more than makes up for it in dedication. If you’re willing to not only fuck him, but share something so special as your first time, then he’s going to make extra sure to take care of you in every way possible. He’s here to prove a point - a point both to you and to himself- and show that you made the right choice in spending your first time with him. He’s strong enough to try things out, eager enough to listen to direction; one setback, though, may come in the form of his cluelessness and own desire to make it good for himself. But don’t worry, if you make it clear how special this moment is, he’s back on track in a second.Just make sure to give him ample time to prepare himself, okay? A day’s warning could make all the difference- because if he’s not expecting anything, his inexperience combined with his excitement could lead to a few problems in the ‘actually making you feel good’ department. 

Giran:     This old man’s a total sleeze, but he’s a loyal one; Giran stays true to his own and gives as good as he gets, so with something special like your first time, he’ll take care of you real good. After all, your virginity is pretty ‘special’, no? This here is someone who knows how to properly appreciate it.With lots of experience up his sleeve, Giran knows just how to make you feel real good, how to show you the ropes and get the most out of both your and his pleasure. Just remember it’s nothing personal. He’s still going to respect you after it all, but don’t expect any touchy-feely. You both had fun, both got something valuable out of it, and isn’t that what matters?Bonus: if you fuck him reaaal good, there might just be some future opportunities regarding… business negotiations. You wouldn’t happen to be looking for a sugar daddy by any chance, would you? Because there might be one on the market.

Tomura:     On the chance he has no sexual or romantic interest in you, he’d not bother to accept your offer in the first place and instead recommend you find someone else to take care of you. If he is somehow interested, then, well.The best reason to give your virginity to Tomura is also the worst reason to do so: he thinks stealing your first time is hot as fuck. Virginity kinks are a thing, and Tomura is a sure example. There’s something alluring about taking something so precious, tainting something so innocent; naively offer yourself to him and Tomura wants to ruin you, have you all to himself and hold on to everything he can. Sure, doing this may lead to some issues of possessiveness  and eventual unhealthy relationship dynamics on his part, but it can lead to a damn good fuck if you play your cards right and call on his desire to be the only one to please you.  And if you like him, offering your virginity is a great way to make- and keep- him interested. On the downside, your comfort and security are more conditional on how he feels and expect things to play out. When he truly cares- sees you as a friend, a love interest- then everything is great as long as you continue to give him the love and trust shown in offering such a precious part of yourself; he’d be sure to repay that trust in taking care of you. But if you try to distance yourself afterwards, try to say your time together was casual or without intimacy, he wouldn’t take too kindly to it. Tomura chose to accept you like this, and that means you’re his. And he took care of you, right? It’s only fair you take care of him in return, with your love and loyalty. It’s really in your best interest from that point on to accept that and trust him to keep you.

Dabi:     Dabi’s who you’d want to go to if you don’t care much about this whole ‘virginity’ thing, if you want something rough, something good, but something without any serious commitment coming out of it. An awkward but kinky virgin who wants to get fucked up? Curious about sex but uncaring about boundaries and uninterested in romance? Dabi’s your guy. He can blow your mind with beautiful degradation and thoughtful apathy, and continue to act as if nothing has changed the next morning aside from the occasional innuendo at your expense. He doesn’t care much about the ‘first time’ thing unless he somehow caught the feelings; if that’s the case than you better hope you got your relationship figured out before sex entered the equation, otherwise it could be the difference between a tender fuck and the blatant disregard of any connection as he ignores his feelings. Sure, if you’re friends or comrades he might be more gentle out of respect, and of course giving him your virginity when you’re together would be sweet, but otherwise? Well, you didn’t come to him for sweet or gentle. Dabi’s ready to show just how good it can feel to act bad, the pleasure found in pain, and you better hope you’re prepared for it. 

Toga:      Maybe,,,, maybe Toga isn’t the best idea here. For starters, maybe wait a few years, yeah? Or pick someone a little closer to your own age? Unless you’re a kid, but even then,,, there are still probably some better options out there. Toga’s idea of ’love’ isn’t something that would turn out well for you, and her version of ‘friendship’ isn’t much better if Uraraka is any example. The only people who seem safe are her teammates, her found family. If you’re in the LOV, someone precious enough to her to not want dead, you can probably have sex with her and make it out alive; the whole romance aspect of ‘sharing your first time with her’ wont make it easy, but at least you’d have a chance. Basically: please love yourself. Find someone who wouldn’t want to kill you. And please, maybe stick to fellow adults, yeah?

                 BONUS: 

   10.   Moonfish: Best choice for fans of vore, and fans of vore ONLY

[saphsilver]

Inktober Day 28: Companion

Prompt from @ttimemachines​ ‘ Inktober

Voltron: Legendary Defender Happy Ending AU: Fly Me to the Moon

Fly me to the moon, Let me play among the stars Let me see what spring is like on A-Jupiter and Mars In other words, hold my hand In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song and let me sing for ever more

You are all I long for All I worship and adore In other words, please be true In other words, I love you

-By Bart Howard, performed by Frank Sinatra

This is like 4 days late cuz the power went out while I was doing this and it stayed off for days lmao thanks pg&e anyway 

I followed VLD since 2016 and am veeery fond of sheith. As a form of self-care, I decided to completely disregard the existence of season 8 and I daydreamed a  sappy, romantic ending I would’ve liked to see and am accepting as canon. GAY RIGHTS.

In a nutshell, Shiro and Keith get together and live on Earth. But you can’t tie down a space exploring power couple to one planet, so they go off with the Blade of Marmora. In this picture, they’re dancing to Fly Me to the Moon, celebrating their (kind-of) elopement and new life together.

I wrote a rough outline and bolded the main points. It’s long, so if you want to read it, buckle up and hit that Keep Reading!

Picking up from what little I remember of season 7 cuz I watched it the day it aired in 2018:

After the big battle with the Galra, everyone is chillin. Shiro is officially captain of the Atlas and Keith is like hell yeah I’m the Black Paladin! Idk whatever stuff they did to conclude the fight with the Galra, but I guess they did that. 

Idk why they killed Allura, but that doesn’t fuckin happen. Everyone is happy!

They eventually settle into their new roles on Earth with Pidge/Katie working as a head of the tech department with the Holts. Hunk and Lance handle diplomatic/relief affairs. Allura becomes the queen of the Alteans they found with Coran and Romelle as her advisory. The mice are there too.

As admiral, Shiro gets a cool fancy house. So they throw a house party and the gang and some of the cool Earth/Galran/Altean people are invited too. It’s a great party 10/10 and 3 hours in, Lance gets wasted cuz Allura drinks him under the table. Hunk is getting some water while Pidge/Katie is taking blackmail pictures. Coran is still partying with the mice and Romelle.

Keith and his introvertedness has his social battery run out at this point,  so he finds a porch to sigh upon. It takes Shiro exactly five minutes to notice that Keith isn’t coming back yet, so he seeks him out in the big fancy house.

 Shiro finds Keith sighing on the porch or smth and jokes about this being their easiest time finding each other and Keith smiles at this. Shiro has a beer or smth and Keith asks to try it to break the ice. Shiro teases him about being old enough to drink. Then he’s like uh yeah remember the time I was stuck on a meteor for 2 years with my mom?? Fair point. Shiro lets him try it and Keith spits it out cuz it’s nasty even though bruh probably drank swamp water. They laugh and banter about that too.

The mood settles and then Shiro asks about those two years. And about  their lost time. Keith asks if he took any of Kuron’s memories since he’s got a clone body now. 

He does. He remembers it, but Kuron’s memories feel like it’s him, but he’s taken a backseat and is watching himself do things instead of doing them himself. Then Keith asks him if he remembers what he said when they fought. “You said you love me,” Shiro speaks softly as he turns back to face Keith. “Is that still true?”

Finally they talk about their feelings. Like a well-developed couple should. Keith does still love him and says that he always will. Shiro also admits his feelings too. Thought he was fam. Turns out he was bae. They almost kiss, but the Voltron gang interrupts because that’s how it be.

The two awkwardly get dragged back into the party and Lance is recovering okay. Also, he’s been offical with Allura at this point too. Lance teases them about being a couple and Shiro and Keith are internally screaming. 

The party dies down and everyone starts to go home. The Voltron gang is the only few left and they help Shiro clean up. Lance gets benched cuz he’s still recovering. As they clean up, Shiro begins to notice how large and lonely the house is gonna get. He catches Keith before everyone leaves and slips him a key and says he’s always welcome just in case he gets lonely. Or something.... There’s some Shiro head scratching and Keith knows what’s up.

Everyone leaves. Shiro is alone. He tries to get some rest, but the house is too gotdamn big and unfamiliar. Being alone in a large space is not good for a guy with PTSD. He works out. He investigates his house, etc. Bro still can’t sleep. 

Afterwards, he just gives up and sits at his kitchen going like :( at a glass of water. Then the doorbell rings. Who is it? DING DING, It’s Keith!  With a duffel bag! Turns out he couldn’t sleep either. Shiro invites him to join him in the kitchen with his :( water and they talk a bit.

Then they pick up where they left off at the party and finally kiss. One of them asks if the kiss was okay, and the other is like HELL YEAH and so they keep going. It’s really spicy. One thing leads to another and then they go upstairs to Shiro’s large bed. (I’ll leave that to your imagination.) 

Either way, morning comes and Shiro wakes up with Keith in his arm(s). (HELL YEAH) Guess they got REAL official. He asks about the duffel bag. It’s literally everything Keith owns. So like. 3 outfits. And some weapons. Hygeine products. Etc. (Dude is a minimalist.) Kosmo is in the living room or smth. Bottom(lmao) line is, Keith planned on taking Shiro up on his offer the whole time. He literally just left to pack lmao (HELL YEAH) Shiro gives him his own closet and drawers since the room is big. Guess they live together now yeehaw. 

Eventually, everyone finds out they’re official and is like FINALLY and so they continue their lives on Earth with Shiro as admiral and Keith as captain. They sort out the war damage for a year-ish or so and then do whatever leaders do in peace time. Probably train their people idk. Shiro is up to his neck in papers. He’s not really digging it. He enjoys his peaceful life on Earth, but he often thinks about what it would be like exploring the galaxy now that the Galra aren’t a threat.

Allura and Lance get married. Lance still gets those blue marks but idk why. Why not lmao. It’s a big wedding and Lance throws the boquet. Keith catches it. He looks to Shiro and DING DING, the lightbulb goes off. The Altean Queen and King have many babies and they all have the marks too. Happy family. Goofy dad. Badass mum. Gotta rule the new Alteans too. That’s all good. They either live in space or get their own land cuz racism doesn’t exist on this earth. Cuz I said so. Either way, Lance and Allura visit the others often with their kids. Hunk and Pidge are GREAT with kids.

The Blade of Marmora calls. Krolia is like hey wus poppin’ son. Keith tells her he and Shiro are a couple and she’s like oh finally thank god. That guy was the only thing he’d talk about for the two years and like honestly it’d be awkward if they didn’t get together. But also, the Blade of Marmora needs Keith. For a while. Like, at year at least. He has a few days to decide to go with them. Keith’s torn between his people on Earth or his people in Marmora. 

Shiro tells him it’s okay to go. But before that, he kneels on one knee and presents Keith with a ring. An engagement ring!!!! It’s specially designed by Pidge with a one-channel track that won’t get in the way of any signals or whatever, but they can find each other, no matter where in the galaxy each is. (Since that’s been a recurring problem throughout the series.)

Keith goes. Keith Galra Facetimes whenever he can. Weeks pass. Months pass. Seasons fly. Shiro terribly misses his fiancé. Nothing goes terribly wrong since this is the endgame, but Keith is away for a looong time. More than a year. He misses Shiro terribly, but he knows his duty is to the Blade of Marmora, which has become a relief effort and guardians of the galaxy. No talking trees or raccoons, unfortunately.

Eventually, Keith makes his way back to earth. Krolia, Kolivan, Axca, and the other Blades are with him. Krolia has a mother-son moment with him and asks him what he truly wants. Keith wants Shiro, but he also wants the life with the Blade of Marmora. It’s way better than on Earth, (no offense.) Then Krolia asks, “Why not take your man with us? His skill is going to waste at that desk.” And Kolivan is like “Shiro is a man of honor. He will always have a place with us if he so desires.” And Keith is like :0

He tells Shiro to come with him and Shiro’s like :O But he’s got papers! And Duties! And... the ability to train a successor to be Admiral! He gets on it. But low-key. Cuz he doesn’t want everyone to freak out. Like All Might and Deku, but not as life-threatening a situation and no consumption of hair. It’s probably that guy who thought Keith was his rival. Jack? Jacob? James! Or someone else idk. Who’s Curtis? We can sprinkle him in, I guess. Not sure if Hunk would want to be admiral. But either way, Shiro steps down from his position and gives it to someone very capable.

Then the Blades are back on Earth. Keith leaps into Shiro’s arm(s) all dramatically and gay as God intended. Shiro and Keith get married!!!! Everyone is there and it’s such a happy day like wowie.

After the wedding/goodbye party and preparations, the newlyweds announce their leave into space. And they fly off! Shiro is part of the Blade of Marmora. They’re a happy family and visit Earth and Altea whenever they can. Everyone still gets together every year for Christmas or something.

The last scene is the space ship leaving earth with Frank Sinatra’s “Fly Me to the Moon” playing. The planets and space stuff fade further in the background. They’re in a field of stars. It cuts to Keith in his uniform holding Shiro, who’s in his earthly clothing and kissing his husband’s hand. A golden ring shines on each of their fingers and they continue to dance. Gosh, they’re so happy and in love. The two never lose each other again.

THE END!!!

[jimonies]

bts concert experience

hey guys so I’ve been meaning to do this for while now and I’ve finally found some time to sit and write about it ( aka it’s finals weeks and I just want to procrastinate ). Also, this is my second time rewriting this as the first time I accidently forgot to save it so I apologize for any mistakes in advance. I wanted to do this on behalf of the people who are in the future planning to go a bts concert or just want to know what it was like. Before we went, me and my sister did A LOT of research and so I hope this can help give you an idea or answer any questions. I also want to put out there this is MY experience and MY opinions, I can’t speak for anyone else's experiences. I know there will probably be different opinions on different scenarios that I’ll talk about and take it how you will. Going through this experience made me realize a lot of things about social media and how ARMY can be depicted so I hope this also gives you some insight as well and maybe clear up some things you might of heard from the concert. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the read !  

Tickets + Seating + Date 

I’ll be honest with you, me and my sister got REALLY lucky. We had been planning for GA tickets, preferably the Wednesday Sept 5th date ( Staples Center, Los Angeles ) and by some miracle we got it. I’ve learned that it doesn’t really matter how many laptops or phones you have out, it’s all luck really. We tried buying tickets for other dates like Oakland and Citifield and it didn’t matter if we only used one phone or had 20 out, it’s just the luck of the draw cause we got NONE after that first time. The day the tickets dropped, we had out two macbooks, a tablet, and 3 phones ( two samsung + old LG phone ). Ironically enough, we got both GA tickets on the LG phone ( I always joke with my sister that it was the power of that btsxlg collab that got us tickets !! ). 

Camping Out Experience

Both me and my sister had specifically chose Wednesday because we knew camping out was going to be mess. We are fortunate enough that we are on the quarter system for our universities so school or work really wasn’t an issue for us luckily. I would recommend trying to get the first day possible if the concert is multiple days because it can gets messy on the days after. My sister was in a group chat on twitter so she was able to have some of her mutuals hold our spots until our rotation turn. The girls were really nice about the whole thing so we took the graveyard shift the night before the concert. 

I know there was a lot of concern regarding camping out in downtown los angeles and let me tell you I was scared shitless at first. My sister goes to university in LA so she’s more accustomed to the city life. I on the other hand am a ball of anxiety and you have to force me to the leave the house. I was so completely terrified of being out there the whole night but I knew if I was with me sister, I would be okay. 

Parking was a pretty tricky thing. We had paid for overnight parking inside a parking garage station in downtown and then took an uber to the campsite. As for what we brought, since we were only there overnight we packed pretty minimally. We brought two folding chairs, a container of fruit, a jug of water, small purses with extra chargers + wallets + pepper spray, blankets, and we dressed in layers! It surprisingly wasn’t as cold as I though it would be !

We were lined up across the parking garage for LA Live. Out of privacy reasons, I won’t say our exact numbers but we were within the first 30 people in line so we were basically in the front. We signed in with the girl who was coordinating the line and got an approximate number on our hand. It’s kind of set up in way where you’re in groups and clusters. I say per group it’s about five to eight people at most. Across the street in the parking garage was a bathroom in clear sight open for us to use, less than a four minute walk! I was actually really pleasantly surprised with how clean and stocked the bathrooms were! They only closed for one hour during the night to clean it but other than that, there was staff around that had it opened and cleaned. 

Let me tell you, the age range for armys are really diverse. There were actually a lot of parents with their kids so I felt really comforted by the fact that there were a lot of adults around us! Like I mentioned, everyone was in groups or at least with one other person, I don’t think I saw a person alone. Most of the people in the front that I met and talked to were college students ranging from the average age of 18-24 which makes sense when you think about it. There was also a lot of security around the area. I know people are going to have different opinions on this but like I mentioned, this is based on my personal experience. There was a security guard who would walk and patrol the fence behind us and then there was a cop car that would pass by every 45-60 minutes.

Most armys that were around us were really chill and calm. For the most part, everyone kept to themselves and were pretty kind, offering water or snacks here and there. Like I said, a lot of the people around us were college students so most were on their phones chilling or I saw a couple of people doing homework on their laptops. I can’t speak for what was it like the previous days but even early in the night, there wasn’t much going on. I know in like videos and stuff you see people dancing around or doing routines or singing and playing bts music but it was literally just a bunch of us sitting in chairs on our phones and quietly chatting amongst ourselves! It really sucked though because we got made fun of...a lot. So many people would pass by in cars slowly with their windows down and just record us laughing. I think I stopped counting after 31 cars. No one said anything or made a big deal, but you could feel the silent hurt and annoyance from everyone. It was gross having older men or teenagers drive by and scream at us and laugh. Eventually though it did stop. I would say around 10 or maybe 11 people starting going into their tents or around their blankets for the night. IT WAS SO QUIET! Most people took turns on sleeping shifts and this is when they brought out more patrol cars. I’m a night owl at heart so I told my sister to nap and I would stay up. Even though I wasn’t scared anymore, I was still uncomfortable fully falling asleep so I simply stayed awake for the night. I know some people were annoyed but I felt so much reassurance and happiness from this one cop. Earlier in the night, he was all excited and he strolled by playing fire and dope it was the funniest thing! You could tell he was genuinely excited for us and not mocking us. In my section, there was one girl to my left who was awake for her group and another to my right awake and everyone else was knocked out for the most part. When he saw everyone go to sleep, he and his partner passed back and forth in their patrol car. He noticed I was stayed awake and every hour or so, he would slow down in front of me and shoot me a thumbs up asking if I was okay. He had probably noticed how fucking terrified I was but without fail, every hour he came to check up on us. 

Now. This is where all the chaos begins. I understand that there were some things circulating around twitter and how some of these things went down and I don’t know everything that happened but I’ll tell you my experience on this. 

Around 3 in the morning, news stations starting showing up. My sister had woken up around this time from her nap so we watched in curiosity on how this was going to go down. Listen I know I sound like a broken record but, I can’t speak for all but I will speak for myself.

Camera men with cameras and lights and one or two male and I think later in the morning a female reporter showed up. I know me camping out there kind of subjects myself to the open and leaves me vulnerable but nonetheless, it was still kind of creepy and invasive. There’s all these sleeping girls (and a couple of guys! ) on the floor or in chairs and then you have camera men come by and record us. I know what I was getting into by camping out and I knew this was bound to happen but I know a lot of the people around me felt the same. Me and my sister didn’t want to be recorded or interviewed so we hid under our blankets. Despite seeing that we didn’t want to be recorded, they passed by us numerous times so yeah, there’s a lot of footage out there now of me under a blanket lmao. Since me and my sister were some of the few people awake, they would come over to see if we wanted to be interviewed but we just thew ourselves under the blanket. Ironically enough, the two girls next to me ended up getting interviewed. The media...they really have a way on portraying things to the way they want. I was really proud of the two girls next to me and they handled the questions really well. They tried to make us seem kinda crazy, maybe crazy isn’t the right word but they were trying to paint this exotic story of us. The girls politely disregarded them, telling them that we were here because we love bts and because they have a strong message and they’re worth waiting for. I got to talk to the girls afterwards and they were so terrified of what people were going to say, not only by media but by armys on twitter cause they wanted to do our fandom justice and show media that we are not they depict us to be. As it got around 4 to 6 in the morning, more people were getting interviewed, especially those in the front of the line. Look, I understand how media works and the compelling part of a story okay but it’s just ironic cause they came out here hoping for screaming fangirls but you could tell they were so annoyed and disappointed by how anticlimactic we were acting. I can’t tell you the amount of times a camera man would walk down the line, having to retake the shot because we weren’t screaming or acting hyped enough. It wasn’t that we were trying to be cool or like downplay how amazing it was but like, it was 6 in the morning. We were tired! A little cranky and annoyed from being woken up from lights and cameras! We just wanted our wristbands! We’re not here to be interviewed or be on tv, we just wanted to see our boys lol. This is not to say all interviews were bad or they were malicious, some people looked happy and excited to be interviewed but I can at least tell you from the groups around us, we were just trying out best to stay in our lanes. It was kinda funny though cause my dad texted me that he had been up watching the news watching me and sister hide under the blankets like the loser we were lol. Eventually we gave up and just let them record us so now my dad has a video of us waving to the fam lol.

This went on from 3 in the morning to until we got our wristbands which was sometime around noon or a little before. Not gunna lie, it’s a little fuzzy now that’s it’s been a while and I can’t remember the exact times from this point on but I’ll try my best from checking old text messages. I know for sure by ten we were all put in a line in number order. Also, I want to mention the trash situation ! The girls in the front did such a good job with the clean up. Next to the fences they had trash bags for us and someone would come every couple of hours or so to throw it out !

I know I’m going to get some mixed reactions on this but I was so happy with the staff running the line. There was this staff lady in the front who was not putting up with anyones bullshit !! There were girls who were trying to cut the line and start a new line and try having groups swarm in but the lady was on top of everything at least for the people in the front of the line. There were people sending them back to the end. SHE WAS A SAVIOR AND STAPLES CENTER NEEDS TO GIVE HER A RAISE BECAUSE SHE HANDLED THAT SO WELL. We lined and and got put in this other queue where after waiting for everyone to line up again, we got our wrist bands. Sorry if this is vague but it was honestly just a lot of standing around. I’m just so damn impressed that SO MANY PEOPLE GOT IN A DECENTLY UNIFIED LINE. YALL DID GREAT SWEETIES ! Amongst this so many things were going on. I do remember a Korean station coming up and filming us and again, we got in trouble for not being loud enough so they refilmed us again :/ They told us that once we got our wrist bands if we were’t planning on stayed for day 2 to pack up our things and leave which most people did. You best believe we yeeted tf outta there! We called an uber, drove back to the parking garage to get our car and headed back to my sisters apartment to grab something to eat and change. Admittedly, it wasn’t a lot of time to get ready. I can’t remember exactly but I think we had to be there back around 4:30 or 5. PARKING BY THE VENUE WAS A BITCH. I dropped my sister off first so she could find could find the new line but oh my God I nearly had an anxiety attack driving around so many people! The street near the merch was so packed and the lines were so long. I was completely devastated I couldn’t get anything. Honestly, if you have someone with you while waiting in line go send them because it was the hunger games trying to get merch. Anyways, I was able to find a small parking lot by the venue a couple of blocks down where I think I paid like 10 bucks to park? It sucked though because I had to walk all the way around the venue towards the back. We waited in line for a bit and then they let us in. There were a couple of scanners stations you could go through. From there, it was a free for all. I remember being so pissed because the scanner for our line stopped working so people were going ahead of us and I was panicking. It wasn’t the workers fault or anything they were so sweet and apologized me and sister just have bad luck lol. Luckily, when we got to the stage, the girls who camped behind us  remembered me and my sister and let us go to barricade with them ! We stood on the left side of the extended stage. 

( I’m too lazy to rewatermark so I’m just using the pics from my sisters twitter thread lmao, I’ll eventually upload the rest of mine from instagram onto here but for now this will have to do ). LET ME TELL YOU. THE PIT IS NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED. THE STAGE IS REALLY HIGH SO FOR SHORT PEOPLE LIKE ME (5′2-5′3) YOUR NECK GUNNA BE CRANKED UP. ALSO, YOU FEEL SO SMALL, LIKE REALLY REALLY SMALL. It gets kinda to be a lot once it gets closer to the concert starting cause you can see the venue all the way around you filling up and you realize how many people there are. I don’t even want to know how bts must feel seeing all of us damn, THERE’S A LOT OF US. unfortunately, there is a lot of shoving and hair pulling in the pit rip my hair and you’re pretty squished :( I’m naturally an anxious person but even my sister who isn’t admitted to feeling a little overwhelmed. But not to fear my precious anxious peeps, the feelings goes away cause once the concert starts, you don’t even THINK about the people around you nor do they really continue to fret around cause once the show starts all of yall gunna be star stuck by the sight before you.  

Deciding what part of the stage was a little tricky but it all worked out. My sister is Tae biased and I am Jimin biased and we had seen that they are more prone to be on the left side where we were at ! I feel like we got to see a lot of the members except for Jin which was SO SAD :( He was more on the right side of the stage, I think we got footage of him maybe like once or twice. Also, I’ve seen people ask if it’s worth it buying the army bomb. PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND BUY IT TRUST ME IT MAKES THE EXPERIENCE SO MUCH BETTER !! Like doesn’t matter what version yall just get one no one is paying attention to your army bomb version so if you can get your hands on one do it ! Unless you know you’re gunna record the whole entire time then yeah maybe not but I remember when I purchased I kinda regretted dropping that much money but after I was so happy I bought it. This isn’t to say you can’t have a great time without one either though ! I’m just saying, if you have the money and you’re wondering if it’s worth it then I’d say hell yeah it is. ALSO IF YOU HAVE BARRICADE HOLD ONTO THAT SUCKER WITH DEAL LIFE. 

It’s been a couple of months now and it honestly feels like this big ole fever dream that I’ve thought up. Let me tell you, the camera does NOT do them justice at all. I apologize as this next part will not be cohesive at all and I’ll probably come back to add to this later as I start to remember and find more pictures on my SD card. 

The concert

YALL. THEY’RE TINY. LIKE REALLY TINY. AND THEY DON’T LOOK REAL. They’re faces and bodies are so small and they’re all very thin. Joon to me felt like the only tall one and hot damn his proportions are to DIE FOR. ALSO YES JINS SHOULDERS ARE WIDE I CAN CONFIRM NOW. 

I’ve always though that people were exaggerating when they said Jungkook’s eyes sparkle like an anime character but holy fck THEY SPARKLE LIKE AN ANIME CHARACTER. Idk who tf my sister saved in her last life but my sister called out to Kookie and he gave her a thumbs up ajaskljlkfjelkfef (@4:52 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdY2txs8HFc) HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE A BUNNY GUYS MY HEART !!!

Me and my sister concluded that they really try their hardest to look at everyone in the audience. Taehyung especially, you could tell, was looking out into the stands almost as if he were searching for the people all the way in the back to let them know he saw them and he was thankful. I really surprised because I’ve heard Tae gives the best fan interaction especially those in GA and I don’t know if it was because it was opening day or maybe because he was overwhelmed but he seemed very focused on the people out in the seats. You could tell he was just trying to take it in it was so heartwarming !!! 

RAP LINE IS SO HYPE. We don’t have a lot of pictures for it but WE HAVE A LOT OF FANCAMS. THEY FED US SO WELL. Yoongi ohohohoho, HOBI ESP omg I fell in love so hard he kept coming over and teasing us, and Joon were very active on our side of the stage too his fcking dimples when he smiled all my uwus !! Their stage presence is really something else. It makes me so sad we didn’t go to the wings concert and see the cypher performances :(

Don’t be fooled okay. TO MY BIGGEST SURPRISE, JIMIN IS NOT AS SHORT AS THEY DRAG HIM TO BE. Like, I’m not saying he’s not short but stick with me here, they’re all very small guys in general ??? yes he is smaller but not by a lot. 

anyways yall i finally met the love of my life and I can finally die in peace now knowing he’s actually real and I think we made eye contact a couple of times and he’s actually that beautiful like GOD REALLY TOOK HIS TIME WITH PARK JIMIN. 

I never ever ever ever ever ever wanna hear someone say that bts is not attractive because all of the boys are so beautiful, handsome ! I think the weirdest part was looking at the screen cause that’s how they look like on like vlives and whatnot but to see them in person is something else like they don’t look like that ??? I kept looking back and forth because it was so overwhelming. I know how my phone works and takes pictures like how it translates and it’s weird to see them on my phone now i hope this makes sense ?? Also, it literally sounds like the boys ate their CDs because their vocals are no joke. I started tearing up around hobi’s performance and then Jungkook when he hit his note in euphoria AND JIN JESUS! ALL OF THEM CAN SING AND DANCE PHEW CHILE. 

LISTEN I GOT TO SEE JIMIN PERFORM SERENDIPITY I CANNOT COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING IN LIFE ANYMORE IT WAS MY LAST DYING WISH. 

I’m upset because there’s a lot I wanted to say but I’m just blanking now so I’ll definitely come back and add more later on. But every army deserves to come and see the boys, it’s a life changing experience and it will really change you. I walked out sobbing with my sister because I was so heartbroken it was over. They make you feel so loved ! They’re so genuine you guys. It was honestly worth camping out and I would do it a thousand times over if I could. It’s a big celebration and festival being there I’ve never felt anything like this before in my life. There’s not enough words to describe how magical this night was. All I know is that from my bottom of my heart, I hope all of you get a chance to experience this. I’m so so so thankful to be alive and blessed enough to have the privilege to see them. When I die and hopefully if I meet God and he asks me what my most precious memory was I’m not gunna say my wedding, having kids, getting my degree. I’m gunna say with my whole chest the bts concert because this really was the night I met seven angels. 

anyways, here’s me & my sister’s fancams if you would like a look ! feel free to shoot me a question if you have any questions or whatnot or if you went the day we did ! these are only a few I have saved on my laptop but I’ll be adding more once I’m on break:

( I recommend watching them on the app on the phone and putting the quailty up idk why it linked the way it did but :( )

BTS - TRIVIA: JUST DANCE @STAPLES CENTER 180905:

BTS - Run @STAPLES CENTER 180905:

BTS - Trivia: Love & DNA @STAPLES 180905:

BTS - Boy In Luv & BST @STAPLES CENTER 180905

BTS - Tear @STAPLES CENTER 180905

BTS - Mic Drop Remix @STAPLES CENTER 180905

BTS - Ending Ment @STAPLES CENTER 180905

BTS - So What @STAPLES CENTER 180905

BTS - Anpanman @STAPLES CENTER 180905

BTS - Answer: Love Myself @STAPLES CENTER 180905

[dead-thorin]

everything im gonna write is gonna be concerning but it be like that and its really not concerning

for like months now i haven’t been ok. And like it’s gotten worse with the holidays and ive been so fucking angry and tired lol. like at first i was like its fine its ok, then i was like its the hormones it happens, then its the stress of finals and work but like its really not like i legit just dont want to be alive anymore im really tired of it. Like idk how to convey just how much i dont care anymore to be alive

1) I feel so fucking isolated here like i have friends but a majority of them are cis. And like the trans people i know? most of them on T are non binary which like valid, but they dont get the full extent. And like their families support them lmao and theres one person i could talk to but he doesnt seem to want to socialize much so i always feel awful thinking about hitting him up

and like i feel like my friends dont like me and i know thats not the case but also maybe it is!!! who fucking knows anymore!!!! i dont have time to talk to them bc im so busy at work and then i get home and immediately have to do more work and by the time im free this week theyll be home for break so like!!! fuck i guess!!! i saw one of my friends who i havent been able to see all semester and she said shed hit me up today and she hasnt and i know its cause she and another friend have to study and theyve been busy but in my mind its still “she fucking hates u!!! doesnt matter that she was so excited to see u and would definitely have no qualms in telling u to fuck off she hates u!!!”

2) no one listens to me lol like people listen to me when i rant, which is really helpful and i really appreciate and love that they do that bc emotional labor, but like in groups? i talk and people interrupt or dont hear what i say or disregard it and im like k. OR THEY THINK IM FUCKING JOKING LIKE THIS LEGIT IS SUCH A PROBLEM AND IVE HAD IT HAPPEN WITH SEVERAL PPL AND IDK WHAT TO DO. Like i physically say “im really not joking dont do that” AND THEY STILL THINK IM JOKING

and whenever i talk to people and they give me advice or just listen they do at least one thing. They either mention medicine, which again, valid, but i dont want to go back on medicine right now. But then they fucking push that shit and demand reasons why i dont want to like fuck u i dont have to explain shit to u i just dont want to. And/or it turns into me educating them and im just like great! i managed to do labor in this trying time! nice!

3) I cant talk to my therapist bc shell become concerned lol. i told her how i went to the labor looking for a book about the pros and cons of committing suicide and researched it and i had to talk for 10 minutes afterwards about the steps i was taking to help combat it but like i was legit scared to tell her in case she made me go into inpatient care lmao and this brings me to pt 4

4) theres like nothing here LMAOOOOOOO like no books at either library about stopping suicidal thoughts or helping depression or about family estrangement. I had to order books from different libraries to get something and theres a few that i got from the Libby app but like wtf lmao and theres no events during christmas and every volunteer thing? either i gotta fill out an application and do training which who knows how long thatll take or i need a car. Like there legit isnt anything here i did so much looking lmao like i have my hobbies but that wont make me leave the house

i talked to a professor about this shit too and he understands and stuff and told me to hit him up during break if i feel isolated but like I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY FOR EVEN BREATHING LMAO LIKE WHAT hes got shit to do too and i know he has research going on so like doubt it

5) im gonna die alone at this pt and i know thats mad dramatic and also probably false but im like so conflicted about everything i feel with my gender and dating

like every time i like a man im like wow if i was a girl, this wouldnt be a problem and like being cis has more privileges than being trans but i know last time i dated in the closet it wasnt a good time SO

and every time i like a girl, im like she prob wont see me as a man or will be disappointed in my body or transition

and like no matter who im interested in, the same thought is always “they prob dont see me as a man and will misgender me, even unintentionally” like i know people who dont even know my birth name and have known my pronouns as he/him AND THEY STILL GET IT WRONG LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO ANYMORE TATTOO IT ON MY FUCKING FOREHEAD 

theres a guy i currently like, whos so sweet like theres one incident that happened that i had me thinking damn.... hope hes into guys and single..... and like its kept me up thinking “oh man hes definitely str8 this fucking sucks if i was a girl i would probably have a shot” but like every time i toy with the idea of detransitioning (not in a serious way, but just like casually thinking of a scenario) my mind physically rejects it and is like “motherfucking do u wanna go back to THOSE shitty feelings??? really??? it was worse before!!” and i will definitely get over this crush, like im just lonely and its cuffing season, but it fucking sucks in the meantime like i feel like i cant date because im too nervous and scared to!!! im so scared they wont think im a man and i know thats not every person but like Jesus its enough that its a good possibility

6) this part is sad but i think i have to stop talking to my sister or at least give her limited info bc shes having her parents contact me through her and im not giving them shit so...

like she just texted asking when id be home and for the millionth time (BC NO ONE LISTENS TO ME) i said i wasnt going home, im never going home, stop asking and i know that its them asking her to ask me and they can honestly fuck themselves

like these are all problems that have solutions and i know the solutions but like im so tired of it lol im tired of having to deal with my family situation, im tired of being ignored and interrupted and not taken serious and having to explain my boundaries over and over and over again, im tired of not being able to talk to people for fear of getting hospitalized or interrupted or pushed onto meds, im tired of not having resources, im so tired of it all. Im so sick of being suicidal and not even being able to get out of bed and having to deal with being depressed and anxious and chronically ill fuck all of it

legitimately had to make a list of shit i could do over break so that i feel like i cant hurt myself until i finish it bc thats how my shit brain works. like i dont want to die but i also just dont want to deal with this anymore and i know itll get better in time but jesus fucking christ its been 8 damn years when does it actually get fully fucking good? its gotten better but more shit keeps coming up like yea i started hormones but now i dont have a fucking family anymore. 

Even if i didnt have this list i wouldnt do it bc 1) i dont want to do that to my closest friend and 2) im helping someone get out of an abusive situation. She has like no support, just one cousin whos there for her, but he doesnt have resources for her. Ive been listening to her and validating her and making sure she knows that a) this is the type of shit abusers do and b) shes not fucking crazy for thinking certain things!!! she really isnt and i get it so much so ive been gently giving her contacts from the beginning to help her and she finally left and is in a really delicate place. So like not exactly the best thing for me to suddenly be gone and id feel terrible if she had no one there for her

anyway this was a long post that can basically be summed up as i really want to fucking kill myself but i wont but also im suffering a lot

[matskreider-blog]

so;; i said like forever ago that i’d give you guys an update. and i aim to deliver on my word, so here goes nothing

the program that i’m working with is 6 weeks of teaching + 2 weeks of orientation. right now i’m about to enter week 7 of this whole program ( which is ?? astounding to think about ). i teach high school, which means that i have two sessions of three weeks each, with a different group of kids.

everything i’m about to say needs to be taken with the knowledge each and every one of these students had to apply for this tuition free college prep program. they are the superstars of their schools, but their schools are overwhelmingly underperforming, meaning that these kids ( all of whom are lower middle class or below, most of which are poc ) are perhaps on par with c ranking students in well performing schools. the entire point of this program is to get them on par with the a-a+ crowd from these well performing schools. they need to be competitive so they can get the scholarships needed to attend college. that is the entire point of this program, and they know that, their parents know that, and it is made abundantly clear every day why these kids are here.

with that said, the behavior issues with these kids could quite honestly prohibit some of them from making it. three days into the first session, shit hit the fan, and it never really calmed down from there. kids were cheating on papers, blatantly plagiarizing, bullying was plenty present, and there was a complete disregard for basic decency when discussing sensitive topics ( i.e. gender identity, pregnancy/abortion, etc. ). throughout all of this, me and the other teachers were constantly talking to the directors, trying to get help for how to handle these various problems. 

quick number check, for those of you who are wondering how this is working: there are 3 directors, one of which works only part-time. so really 2.5 directors, and there are 13 teachers. there are 130+ students in the program, 7th-10th grade.

let that sink in for a second.

15.5 adults for 130+ students.

it’s exhausting work, especially because the program is part school and part summer camp. there’s two recesses per day, there’s special events every friday, we do cheers/chants every day at arrival, breakfast, lunch, and at dismissal, skits that need to be performed; it’s a lot of work. 

it wouldn’t be so bad if one of the teachers - lets call her “alicia” - would actually do her job. instead, alicia feels that she can get out of assisting with getting kids on and off busses, staffing recess spots, cleaning up after big events, and participating in said skits, by sucking up to the directors and not helping out. so when students think it’s okay to launch a dodgeball at a teacher’s back ( not during a game of dodgeball, mind you, but because said student was pissed that she had gotten caught trying to snipe a classmate, also not during a game of dodgeball ), there’s not enough staff to go around. 

she’s one of those people who gets out of doing what’s necessary by making it seem like she has more important shit to do, and in a program like this, when we’re already understaffed, that shit doesn’t fly. at all. 

she’s supposed to be in skits and she just doesn’t come down from her classroom until the skits are over - an entire third of a performance is missing because she feels that she’s somehow “above” this. 

so not only are the kids not doing what they’re supposed to be doing, but alicia feels that she doesn’t need to either. 

whatever. 

next session, this current one, is a whole lot smaller ( which is greatly helping the behavioral management ). they’re much quieter and much more interested in the historical context of the play we’re currently studying - a raisin in the sun if anyone is curious - and it makes for much more insightful conversations. they’re actually willing to discuss what’s happening in the world and make connections and it’s just so refreshing. 

i’ve hit my wall a fair few times. it felt like the directors weren’t listening to us ( they didn’t even give us the form to report behavioral problems until a week in, and by that time it was too late to correct some of the shit ) and the directors themselves weren’t holding up their end of the deal ( apparently after 3 missed homeworks, a homework contract is drawn up, then after two more missed homeworks, the student is asked to leave the summer program, and we’ve had students who shouldn’t be there anymore but because the directors hadn’t been adequately keeping track, they aren’t getting held to these “high expectations” that this program is apparently known for......sure jan ). it’s been very frustrating, to have so many conversations and absolutely no results being shown afterwards. 

it’s lead to multiple mental breakdowns ( i’m still coming out of one as i write this lol ), my meds and i have been on a very irregular schedule, and this program is paying us nearly nothing so the financial struggle is very fucking real. 

but this new batch of kids gives me hope, and i feel better about the program’s mission. because it is a necessary program, and these kids do have good work, its just that they need to iron out every other problem there because where they are right now is not going to cut it in the real world. and yes, they’re 14-15 years old ( my students are 9th graders ) but some of the stuff they say just has no place, anywhere. 

the program is almost over, for summer 2018, and soon i’ll be headed back home to wrap some stuff up before going back up to school. and then it’s senior year which is...so scary, to say the least lmao. but that’s a story for another post. 

how’ve y’all been? 

[plasticiot]

time to vent into the nothingness

Oof I don’t like to offend people and I know tumblr is the place to get killed over any wrong phrase, but I like to joke about killing myself and I do it alot. I make racist jokes all the time. Y’know all too well those who make school shooter memes and pedophilic jokes. Sometimes that’s just a way to cope I guess. For me, I’ve dealt with thoughts of suicide, I dealt with situations that make me fear going to school or a certain relative’s house. The way I cope is by making satire jokes and making fun of those situations, It’s not that I think their okay, because they’re not, but I find it easier to just disregard their morbid integrity through jokes than sulking about them because it makes it seem more normal. Normal isn’t always good, but at least I’m not out here hating everyone and everything anytime I have to socialize. All of this probably makes no sense because I’m legit just writing down whatever comes to mind and my fingers just seem to be moving along with it. I had two cups of coffee tonight because I have a two part novel project due tomorrow morning that I havent even started on because Im stupid and all i know how to do is procrastinate, I mean I could yknow use my time that ive wasted writing all of this into actually working on my project but i just have so many things running through my head that ive just disregarded correct grammar and punctuation. Im trying my best on spelling right now and trying not to abbreviate. is that how you spell it? I dont know and i dont care at this point. I honestly doubt that anyone’s gonna read this, much less read this all the way. Im sure a lot of these people have way better things to do like fap to their furry porn or something lmao im done i need to sleep. too bad i cant because im hella retarded and decided it was a good idea to basically pump caffeine into my bloodstream. there was barely any creamer too so my coffee was kinda bitter. still good tho. im not even sure if it was ok to have any dairy because i ate shrimp earlier and like my mom has this dumb superstition that if you drink milk or anything dairy after or before eating shrimp, your stomach will hurt or something. What Im thinking tho is that ive seen some people make some weird dishes using like cream and shrimp or whatever and thats totally ok but like you cant eat some hawaiian shrimp and then have a glass of milk and a bread afterwards cus youll potentially be shitting all night. Oh fuck idek how long ive been writing but im starting to lose feeling in my right arm. only my hands have been moving and Im not sure if thats healthy but oof thats whats happening. OOOOOOf i dont know what im saying anymore please kill me and put me out of my misery. if i stop writing for even two seconds i feel the need to stand up and run around and i dont think thats a good thing. i dont think ive ever typed this long without a break not even on school assignments or essays. im not even thinking about what im saying unlike if i were in an essay id have to stop every two seconds to think about what im writing and going back to fix every gramatical error and oof that just seems like too much work., should i post this ?? maybe not maybe idk will this confuse people? will i get hundreds of notes from similar depressed teens all saying “same” in contributions to my post? maybe maybe not. decisions decisions im probably gonna shoot myself after this i dont know im battling with all my emotions rn and im honestly so conflicted its like my brain is having a little conversation with itself on whether it wants to let my logicality or emotions take over my thoughts and then some anxiety is there too so like oooof i d ont know anymore kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me i almost wrote jill me and that would have been extremely sad or extremely funny there is no in between damnit ok im going numb in my right pinkie i think this is a sign to stop typing so thats what im gonna do. uhhh gnight tumblr and whoever reads this congrats to you and if u got any hate to say go on it only feeds my depression and satirical humor even more. i love you stay safe make sure you go pee before you trick or treat and eat all the razor blades byeeee!!!!@~!111

[opendoorlorien]

I'm curious what are ur thoughts on Takumi? I personally don't like him, but I always give ppl the chance to try to change my mind abt him

lol I had a feeling sooner or later that someone was goingto ask me my opinion on this kid. OKAY BUCKLE UP. There’s no way I can be brieftalking about a character like him so here we go.

Takumi is without a doubt one of the more complex andlayered character of Fates (but not the most, no, that honor would go to Xander.But Takumi is definitely just behind him.) This is a great and welcome change fromAwakening where most of the cast just were as they were and didn’t have anydevelopment or character arcs or great change for better or for worse duringthe entire story (the only ones who really did are Chrom (a bit), some villainsif you count spotpass which is barely canon, and perhaps Lucina a tad). Fatescranked this up quite a bit with many of the royal family members going throughgreat character arcs for better and for worse in both routes, and some nonmain/royal characters who have smaller—but still powerful and significant—charactermoments… some being only for the worse (like Flora and Gunter to a similarextent).

But the real question here is how I feel about Takumispecifically. And I don’t suppose that’s really a simple question to answer (Ialso figure you sent me this ask bc you want to see me analyze him and talk indepth about his character lol. So I’ll do that a bit here too instead of justgiving my opinion.) For one I actually really like complex and multi layeredcharacters. I tend to avoid or disregard the ones that don’t really haveanything going for them (I feel like if Kaze didnt have all his character stuffI might not have liked him as much. If anything it really works to his benefiton how he appeals to me (and a reason why I like him better than say, Frederick)). So as long as a character is complex and goes throughsome nice development, even if I dont like their personality, it’s hard for meto at least not respect how they were written as a character, you know.

And I think that describes how I feel about Takumi too lol.NOW DONT GET ME WRONG, I definitely don’t hate him in any sense of the word.It’s just that……… I don’t like tsunderes lol. And here I’m going to usetsundere here as an umbrella term for “a character who is mean to you but doesn’treally hate you, necessarily”. Fates actually has a few of these characters invarying levels of intensity: Saizo, Rinkah, Selena lololol. And Takumi is oneof them too. But honestly I like to give Takumi the benefit of the doubt herebecause among them all, he’s has the most understandable and relateable reasons for acting the way he does to you.  Like Saizo is an ass just because lol (I get his pricklypersonality also stems from how he was brought up and the position he wasmeant to fill and everything but geez dude CHILL). Rinkah is an even worse casehere since she’s just very angry and snippy to everyone bc LOL FLAME TRIBE GETIT!? SHE’S LIKE FIRE LMAO. AND THAT MEANS SHE’S ANGRY LOLOLOLOLOOL.

And while I generally dislike tsunderes (or at least maletsunderes because I find they’re generally more harsh and brutal to you), I’mwilling to give Takumi a pretty big benefit of the doubt here because of what MADEhim the way he is. He has a LOT of reasons why he developed his harsh and coldattitude toward strangers. I feel like most people who dislike or even hateTakumi have no compassion for what he went through and just disregard it asirrelevancy. Like they’re just either unwilling or unable to understand him. AndI get it, like sometimes you’ll come across a character that you can’t findyourself liking no matter what. But I feel like when you understand whereTakumi’s coming from and what made him this way, he becomes MUCH less of a shitand much easier to sympathize with.  

Okay so a lot of people give Takumi shit in his firstappearance for being really mean to both you and Azura. Like literally thefirst thing you hear him say (outside of the weird dream battle in the prologue)is that he doesn’t trust you or Azura and he’s not really going to give you achance. Now the game doesn’t really explain why he’s so harsh to you from theget go (which is why I think people get upset with Takumi and his first real appearance gives you a bad impression of him from the start), but guess what he actually has a legit reason for how he acted here. I’m not going to go superdeep into why, but instead I’m going to recommend you watch the Fates drama CD.More specifically the Birthright one which recounts chapters 4ish to 6 in Fates,from mostly Takumi’s perspective. And these tracks humanize him WONDERFULLY andexplains and justifies PERFECTLY his attitude toward you in his firstappearance AND afterward. Like Takumi actually REALLY did want to like you, getfamiliar with you as his family, and form a relationship and a bond with you.Just… a lot of unfortunate things kept getting in the way. It’s DEFINITELY wortha watch and honestly just tore at my heart strings, and put a lot of things in perspectiveand set up the beginning of Takumi’s character arc perfectly. Long story short?It’s all Saizo’s fault lol.

Takumi gets his best development and most exploration ofcharacter ironically in Conquest. Also, personally, I just find Conquest to,generally, be the best written of all three routes. Yes Takumi does have somemoments in Birthright, but they either exist for eerie foreshadowing for whatwill happen in Conquest

or they just aren’t written that well. 

sigh.

And when I play Birthright, I find that is the route I enjoyTakumi the least. Yes my feelings are still far far away from hate. But whenhe’s not pushed into the extreme downward spiral situation like he is inConquest, he just ends up acting like a snippy tsundere. I mean even toward hisfamily and very late in the game too he keeps acting this way with theoccasional snarky comment or “more harsh than he meant it to comeoff” remark. Which wore on me a little bit but nowhere near as much asSaizo or Rinkah’s constant mean attitude. Takumi’s support with MU is also agood example of this. And since M!Corrin is canon with BR, and F!Corrin iscanon with Conquest, I think Takumi’s support was written with M!Corrin inmind, no matter which one you pick. Which is why I think he acts so mean to youin that support.

Despite my gripes with Birthright, the one valuable thing itdoes show us about Takumi’s character is his dorky side. Because this boy is adork lol. And this is actually a surprising, but also very welcoming, side ofhis character to see. I don’t think Takumi’s tsundere side is who he is. It’sjust an unfortunate byproduct of his inferiority complex and ptsd from Corrinbeing taken away and leaving a huge void in the family. It’s not who he is. Andin Birthright we really get to see more of Takumi’s better side in a morecasual and less extreme environment in supports with other people in the army.We get to see firsthand he’s actually a very sweet, kind and well meaning boy.Yall haven’t forgot that DAD IS ON THE WAY comment right lol. Takumi is verypure of heart and its really nice to see this part of him in BR. Like, look, he is a NERD

(lol Kaze lurkin in that img I didnt even notice)

AND in his support with Oboro when she makes some clothes and asks his opinion he says “this gets the Takumi seal of approval” AND do you remember how he pushes Leo’s back and brings him closer to the group in that very last cutscene of Rev? YEAH

In my Revelations opinion piece where I talked aboutcharacters, I mentioned the four big ones who get the most development andcharacter focus in this game, those being: Xander, Ryoma, Leo and Takumi. Nowthese four are similar in that they both kind of have a good end character arcand a bad end character arc depending on whether you’re playing BR or Conquest.Like Xander gets his best end in Conquest while BR is his WORST.

So, naturally, the same is applicable for Takumi whereConquest leads to his bad end. Or… does it?  

Now everything here begins with Anankos. It’s never actuallyofficially stated anywhere exactly WHEN Takumi was first possessed by him, butif I were going to put my two cents in, I would say it happened when Mikotodied in chapter five. Now going back again to the drama CD, we get to see morehere just how deeply this affected Takumi. In the game Takumi only talks to youpost battle in chapter five where he just screams curses and blame at you. Ifyou don’t know where he’s coming from, this also puts him in a kind of badlight. But the drama CD gives us another more focused account on what Takumiwent through in the direct aftermath of Mikoto’s death and its really notpretty. And if there was any perfect time to want to brainwash this kid, itwould have been here.

Now Leo and Takumi are sort of similar as characters in thatthey kind of have the same problems and struggles. Like they both haveinferiority complexes, and are desperate to live up to their over achieving siblingsect. I think the most important part where they differ—and why Takumi waspossessed and not Leo—is that Leo has his pride. I feel like he has less selfdoubt than Takumi and a higher opinion of himself than Takumi does of himself.(I’m also sure Leo’s magic power helped to stave Anankos’ influence off a bit).Takumi was also put in more extreme situations than Leo was. Keeping in mindTakumi is kind of weak of constitution and has a low opinion on himself, andthat he just saw the woman he’s known as his mother killed before his eyes,gives us more than enough reasons for him to fall hard victim to Anankos’influence here lol.

When you take into consideration everything that happens toTakumi in Conquest, its honestly not hard to understand why he became this way.Firstly, I believe Anankos’ endgame goal here was to kill Takumi, and as soonas possible. For whatever reason, Anankos can’t completely control someoneunless they’re dead first (as evidenced by all the other people he controlslike Sumeragi, Arete, the people of Valla, Garon too—though its not really madeclear to us how or when he died).

Like, we don’t get this

 until Anankos hassuccessfully pushed Takumi beyond the breaking point and gets him killed.

Before then Takumi is very angry sure, but he’s stillhimself to at least some extent. He’s not ‘completely lost’.

So what Anankos did instead to further his agenda wasamplify Takumi’s emotions of anger, rage and hate and push him to the breakingpoint. I think Anankos actually kind of sees himself in Takumi because theyboth had similar issues and personal downfalls, and that added with Takumialready being kind of mentally weak and vulnerable, was the perfect recipe fordisaster here.

In Conquest, Takumi suffers. A lot. Think about all of thisfor a second. He fights and loses to you in chapter 10 which, in his mind, allowsyou to move forward and attain greater power that he knows you’re going to useto harm his friends and family in Hoshido. And him losing to you only adds tohis inferiority complex because he was unable to stop you. In chapter 13 afterhe loses to you, Hans goes on a bloody killing spree, brutally taking the livesof Orochi, Reina and Scarlet. And Takumi has NO reason to think you didn’t havea hand in either helping Hans or allowing him to go through with it. And thelast time you see him alive in chapter 23, you’ve just started your invasion ofHoshido, have captured Sakura, her retainers, and Yukimura, and you’ve just gotdone killing Oboro and Hinata—because let’s not mince words here, they do die inchapter 23. So, honestly, taking all this into account, even WITHOUT Anankosbuffing his rage, Takumi has every right to act as angry and frustrated withyou as he does in Conquest. And anger blinds.

And all of that finally culminates to Takumi DOING A FLIPoff the Great Wall of Suzanoh.  And nowthat he is dead, Anankos has more control over him. Based on what we see ingame I don’t think Anankos can 100% control a person like a puppet, but more orless influence their extreme negative desires. When we see characters likeTakumi or Garon as a goo zombie, they don’t even mention Anankos by name, impliedor otherwise. When you see Takumi again he’s gone FULLMADNESS and his onlydesire is to kill you, which were his biggest defining thoughts when he wasalive in Conquest, now pushed beyond to the extreme now that he’s dead and completelyunder Anankos’ influence. He’s basically just a zombie made out of nothing buthate and the desire to kill you. I actually think Anankos probably wanted touse him as a trump card just in case you ended up stopping Garon, which you did.

Luckily we still got the power of love to contend with here.The ‘dream sequence’ at the very end of Conquest does wonders for both Takumiand the viewer. Like, even if you DON’T like him, you had to have feltsomething here. What both Corrin and Takumi needed in this route more thananything, but didn’t get the chance to do until now, was to TALK IT TF OUT. Andtalking it out can really do wonders. Takumi in this dream sequence appears toyou as his truest self and is able to give to you all of his honest to goodnessfeelings and smooth things over for the most part. And as a bonus he infusesYato with some Fujin Yumi goodness so you’re all good. (Which, now that I think about it, is some kind of symbolism with him truly forgiving you, apologizing to you, and giving his heart to you)

The Conquest finale will always be incredibly special to me.Because unlike in every other FE endgame where you just kill a transparentlyevil big bad dragon (or in Sacred Stone’s case—SATAN) after all the horrible,cruel, bloody and nasty stuff you went through in Conquest, after hitting rock bottomafter rock bottom, the last thing you do in the route is fight to save someone’ssoul. And that is honestly so powerful to me, and a reason why I’ll alwaysprefer Conquest over BR or Rev.

That’s more or less all I have to say about Takumi opinionswise. He is a very extreme character, and because of some of his actions inConquest I can understand people not liking him. But, much like Xander, he is avery complex and layered character who has a lot going on for him. He’sdefinitely not one of those characters you can just write off at first glancewithout trying to understand what makes him who he is, and why he acts theextreme ways that he does, and understand the reasons why he does the thingsthat people give him flack for.

It’s definitely okay not to like him if you don’t want to—I appreciatehim a lot as a character but I could really take or leave his tsundere side—buthate him or not, you got to admit he’s one of the best characters in this game.If everything you read here didn’t change your opinion on him or cause you tosympathize more with him, then I gotta recommend you go watch/listen to thatDrama CD because like I said, it really does WONDERS for Takumi as a character,explaining where he’s coming from, his stand points on things, and explaininghis volatile attitude toward you. He really doesn’t hate you at all, butsometimes people can let their emotions get the worst of them without meaningto—and when a centuries old evil helldragon is controlling you, it’s honestlyno wonder things got so bad, right.

And, all in all, TAKUMI DID NOT DESERVE THIS SUFFERING AND HE DESERVED SO MUCH MORE AND DESERVES HAPPIEST END

Also here’s a link to that drama CD on youtubePart OnePart Tworecommended tracks if you dont want to watch the entire thingVol 1. Track 2Vol 2. Tracks 4-6 and 8CHECK IT OUT

[kaedekayano]

okay, i decided to disregard/circumvent the stayfocusd time limit just for tonight because fuck it, i don’t have anything to do tonight and i definitely deserve a break. and i like thinking about characters. so i just finished bnha ep 13 (the finale), and here’s my thoughts! finally on the computer yay

for those who know bnha/follow the manga, of course you’re welcome to discuss this stuff with me, but please don’t spoil me on anything or i will cry

i’m still trying to decide the fate of all might. like i said before, he started at the top and he’s got nowhere to go but down. there are a couple routes i think he could take: he lives for a while, then dies tragically but inevitably at the end like korosensei did; he gets abruptly killed off in the middle at a climactic, suspenseful moment, shocking everyone and terrifying them because what will they do without their symbol of peace; he lives, but he has to stop being a full-time superhero and finds another way to live, basically. of course, while i do like analyzing plot for plot twists and all that, i’ve always preferred doing character analysis to everything else, and i’m not that good at predicting plot.

but honestly, sounds like the dude’s gonna die. and if he does, i hope it’s soon, because this was being foreshadowed from episode #1 and i’ve been waiting this entire season, thinking every single episode, “is this the episode he’s going to die?” and he’s not a favorite, but i do like him enough (and am aware enough of how his death will emotionally wreck izuku as well as other characters) that the constant dread is wearing down on me. i am constantly in a state of terrible suspense. (but like i said no spoilers no one is allowed to tell me what happens okay i gotta find out for myself)

kind of a tangent but everything comes back to AC on this blog, so. AC changed the way i think about a lot of things because getting so heavily involved in the canon and fandom, and being exposed to others’ interests, made me far more open-minded than i used to be. for example, i really wasn’t good at shows with large casts (AC and the almost 30 students, BNHA’s students + teachers) before, b/c i didn’t track them very well and am shit at matching names to faces as well as recalling personalities, but hey, obsessing over the entirety of class 3-E for months will change that. also, all my favorites were. usually. karma types, for lack of a better phrasing. i could never relate to cinnamon roll (TM) characters. or characters who weren’t emotional disasters. (boy i had trouble liking nagisa at first.)

regarding what i keep saying about types: the girls, in terms of personalities, aren’t quite my usual thing. the closest person in terms of preference to the characters i typically like are yaoyoruzu and jirou. but honestly who cares because right now i like them all, and they are great and fabulous and uraraka is adorable and i like her a lot. i wanna see her have some character development first, though, and oh god the girls are my aesthetic. momo’s hair and jinou’s general aloof aura + earphones and tsu’s frog quirk and holy shit, pink alien girl? i don’t know her, she hasn’t had much time in the anime yet, but she’s. she’s a girl. who’s pink with alien features. how the fuck is that not the coolest shit ever

as fond of todoroki, as always. i looked up a bit on him on the wikia but i don’t want to spoil myself. but i did pick up enough to solidify my adoration for him. >.< i need to stop but god, i’m really fond of him. fuck. so fond.

izuku’s character continues to develop and it’s really wonderful. i used to live for mentor-student relationships, but then i realised (and AC did not help) that the mentor usually ends up dying, so i’m trying not to get attached to this mentor-student relationship and it’s not fucking working. the conversation he and all might had in the hospital beds at the end. shit, man. don’t get attached don’t get attached don’t get attached

something i really appreciate is that i knew this fandom really adores bakugou (and i say this as someone who literally doesn’t know shit about the bnha fandom), so i assumed he’d be one of those assholes who gets glorified by the narrative because it’s okay if he’s an asshole as long as he’s talented and handsome uwu he’s just being snarky haha how funny!! i mean yes he is an asshole but he isn’t glorified by the narrative, the narrative doesn’t hide at all that, while not totally evil, he’s a complicated character who genuinely can be unlikable and is kinda fucking awful. so that’s a pleasant surprise. i thought the narrative would revolve around him more b/c the fandom’s so fond of him but it doesn’t and i’m really glad, the whole class is really great (and imo the school too, i’ll talk worldbuilding later) and they all deserve focus.

i’m usually incredibly fond of villains, but i also mostly read YA fantasy, where the villains are very often attractive young characters who are snarky, charismatic types who draw the reader in and are way too likable. AC villains weren’t like that for me (although i ended up liking them anyway, just blame my friends lmao). the villains in BNHA so far aren’t quite the attractive young character archetypes either, but i really like them anyway. i wanna know their motivations a lot. what’s the relationship between nomu and shigaraki (i kinda already brotp it)? what led shigaraki and kurogiri to want to kill all might so badly? who made nomu the way he was? if the motive is a personal grudge or a tragic backstory, fuck. i’m weak as fuck for personal grudges and/or tragic backstories in villains, alright? 

also, shigaraki’s hands shit + the way his quirk behaves/is animated is this level of slightly surreal horror — not really over-the-top gory/melodramatically creepy, but definitely disturbing — that’s an aesthetic i’m quite fond of, although only in moderation.

uraraka’s power, while hardly unusual, is imo something that can go really far and has incredible potential. it’s definitely gone amazing places in past characters who have the same power in other fiction. i wanna see her develop it.

and now i’m gonna talk worldbuilding, because while i’m not that great at analyzing it or doing it myself — i’m decent enough to pull together a convincing world for my fiction, but that’s about it, since i’m not great at understanding how the world works, let alone how changes would affect it on a wide scale — superpowers are something i’m quite fond of.

so, there’s this one YA series called the reckoners, by brandon sanderson. he writes a lot of stuff about people with magic, and i love his work, especially the reckoners. i am bringing this up for two things. one, the protagonist is also a guy with no powers who’s unusually obsessed with the intricacies of the superpowered people and their superpowers in a world where superpowers just started randomly appearing and became integrated into society, although he’s obsessed because of a vastly different reason from izuku.

two, the worldbuilding is really good, and the powers are unique. it’s very different from your typical story about superpowers. in my opinion, every kind of basic power — telekinesis, manipulating elements, reading/controlling minds — has been used. i wouldn’t say it’s impossible to come up with new basic powers, but it’s damn near close. but what’s good about superpowers nowadays, what makes them interesting and original, is not the power itself, but its limits. how far can it go? what are the weaknesses? how can it be used?

i’m gonna give an example i’m really fond of — regalia from the reckoners. she’s a character who first appears in the second book. regalia has the ability to manipulate water, which we’ve all seen plenty of times in fiction, right? but it’s not just typical shit like “oh, look at this huge tide destroying a building!” my memory is fuzzy, but one of the things she can do is use the reflections created by water as windows. 

it’s hard to explain, but like, if you look into a puddle (and remember, water can reflect), and she’s paying attention, she can appear and look back at you and talk, like in a mirror. she’s able to communicate with you through it. she can keep an eye on the city she rules over because she flooded the entire place with water, making it a sort of island, and is able to watch everyone through its reflections. now that’s something new, even though water powers have been done to death.

i like how bnha handles the drawbacks of superpowers — it makes a little more unique. i’m not entirely pleased, but:

one post i’ve read on howtofightwrite (an excellent tumblr, writers who write action or anything involving combat should check it out!) is how, realistically, if you have super strength, every time you actually use it to anywhere near its fullest potential, it will fucking shatter your body. which is kinda what’s happening to izuku, i’ll explain in a sec. but like, if you punch someone, your knuckles hurt afterwards. except izuku’s punches are super super strong, so it hurts him way more than the normal person.

so i think that’s good! it’s a nice twist on how super strength usually works! but i’m still a bit displeased, because seriously, super strength is not at all new and it’s implied he’ll learn to control it instead of continuing to just have to deal with this particular drawback. all might learned to control it, which i don’t see how it makes physical sense, but whatever, fuck it, magic is magic. so i don’t think the blowback (looking for a word here?) resulting from his punches are actually because of realistic physical reasons TM that i just theorized, it’s just magic/being unable to control it, which is sad because c’mon, science and magic working together is cooler instead of “he got used to it by getting Good at his powers!”, but oh well. i’m not a doctor, anyway

honestly, i’m kinda disappointed that the most powerful heroes have super strength/superspeed, and that’s the only twist on it, and not even a terribly big one if izuku’s just gonna learn to control it through the power of experience. it’s not unique or new and i’d like to see something a little cleverer, i guess? like, i really like the idea of people adjusting to their powers and any drawbacks through just intelligence and the power of science and technology and wit, instead of practice/improvement upon the ability itself.

anyway, enough about izuku’s power. something else i’d like to see addressed is the emotional impact of izuku being quirkless all his life, and suddenly he has a power and everyone thinks he’s amazing. because it sounds like being quirkless fucked him up a ton. the protag of the reckoners is powerless and makes the best of it, and that’s what i really appreciate about the series — he never ever gets a power, he just figures out how to get through terrible life-or-death situations based on wit and his allies and cleverness and being amazing because you can still do amazing things without being born with those things. while i’m not saying izuku needed to take that route — what is it when he’s thought all his life he’s inferior, worshipped this one guy who turns out to be horribly vulnerable, and suddenly he’s got one of the most powerful quirks out there? (im assuming this gets addressed later though)

something else: how does society restructure itself now that everyone has a quirk? here’s the best thing about the reckoners: the people with the powers are the bad guys. like, not “oh, some people misuse their quirks” but almost everyone does, and what all the superpowered ones do, after they suddenly get their powers, is basically taken over the world. they’ve set up this tyrannical government in the usa where different superpowered people rule the cities and it’s basically a dystopia with superpowers, but the superpowered ones aren’t the rebels, they’re the oppressors. it’s a great twist on the typical superhero narrative. it changes the structure of society a lot. think legend of korra, but worse, more pronounced, a more oppressive regime.

so like, how does the world in bnha change now that 80% of people have a quirk? i really wanna know. UA is a start, but there’s got to be more to it than “there are schools trained to teach heroes, quirkless people feel bad about themselves, and heroes fight villains. and the villains don’t like the heroes because of that.” give! me! more! you don’t have to write me an encyclopedia of information (dear matsui, thank you for building your characters so much shit like the rollbook info exists, but not everyone does that) but what else is there? there has to be more than that.

some of the superpowers are interesting, yeah, but none of them stick out so much. i’ve read too much stuff about superpowers to be easily impressed, but really, “school of heroes” has been done a lot and while i like bnha a lot so far, they’re gonna have to go above and beyond what they’re currently doing to really impress me. rn i’m really curious what they’re gonna do with mineta ‘cause his power seems so fucking useless but he’s clearly there for a reason (how’d he pass the entrance exam?). the other powers don’t stick out much to me. stuff like tsu’s frog quirk or todoroki’s half-hot, half-cold shit (instead of just one) are just unconventional enough for me to raise an eyebrow, but not much more.

anyway. hoping they expand on that. but the worldbuilding isn’t horrendous or anything, i’m really enjoying all the powers and the worldbuilding’s good enough, just could be taken a lot farther. like, the potential is wow. god, i already love the characters so much, though

oh, also. not interested into getting into bnha fandom or the manga as of right now, and this blog is staying AC, but talking about it is still fun (i like discussing things!) and i’m gonna watch s2 when it comes out.