#for example: [why though]
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All evidence Till survives (1/4)
I'm way late to making this post, but I've never believed that Till died. Here's why:
Foreshadowing
1. Being Shot
Many fans have heard of the "red tape theory." But did you know Till being shot has been foreshadowed at least two other times, potentially non-fatally? The first time was back in early May 2024 in this art for ALNST Friday:

@crustyfloor noticed the bubble gun pointed directly at Till's head and the impact motion lines of a gunshot on the other side. They speculated that since it's not an actual weapon but a bubble gun, Till would be shot in the future but the wound would be non-fatal.
Then, for those who don't know, the "red tape theory" refers to this album cover art from late September last year:

The idea is the tape is meant to symbolize a bandage or perhaps a scar: a treatable wound. The splatter indicates where he will be shot (the same as above).
Next, @rotingdoll noticed in the teaser trailer for Round 7, a crosshair made of light appears, and a moment later that creates a flash of light over Till:
Similar to the bubble gun, it could be argued a crosshair of light is also meant to symbolize non-fatality, since light is usually harmless, just like bubbles. The light passes through him from top to bottom, covering him only fleetingly.
@kitsquared noted the same symbolism happening here as well:


This time, the light isn't even covering him but is behind him. The burst of light is in the same location as the impact motion lines and the red tape: over his branding.
Blood spray from a bullet comes from the exit wound, not the entry, according to @verdantlights. In other words, Till was not shot from the right but from the left, the exact same location as was foretold.
2. Round 5 & Round 7 Parallels:
@cepheusgalaxy pointed out Ruler of My Heart and Blink Gone are the only rounds Luka is a contestant in. As such, Mizi and Till fall prey to the same psychological manipulation that exploits their trauma and grief. In parallel, both Sua and Ivan purposefully lost so that Mizi and Till would win - and therefore live.
(Gifs from @sailermoon)
@noven-warsh outlined Luka's strategy:
1. taunting them with intimacy
2. reminding them of their dead loved ones
(Gifs again from @sailermoon)
3. and then maintaining his composure as they lose theirs'.
@mikhardwheat noted Mizi and Till are equally overwhelmed, they've had no time to process the deaths' of Sua and Ivan, and are surrounded by reminders of their grief. @cepheusgalaxy pointed out Mizi and Till are both extremely emotional.




They both struggle to focus and engage in the competition.


They look to the crowd and are demoralized by the overwhelming support from Luka's loyal fanbase.
Meanwhile, Till is witnessing Mizi's round, and Mizi is witnessing Till's round.

Even more significantly, as again identified by @cepheusgalaxy, Hyuna has returned to the stage. Ruler of My Heart is the only round no one died.

Not only is Round 7 a replay of Round 5, it's also cyclical. Mizi has returned to the competition. The rebellion is back on the stage again. We've come full circle.
Observations | Official Art & Symbolism | Criticisms & Commentary
#ৎ𝄢ꪑ𝒊ꪀꫀ#till is alive#alien stage#alnst#alien stage till#alnst till#alien stage mizi#alien stage sua#alien stage ivan#alien stage luka#alien stage hyuna#alnst mizi#alnst sua#alnst ivan#alnst hyuna#alnst luka#mizisua#ivantill#hyunaluka#hyuluka#mizitill#tillmizi#alien stage analysis#alnst analysis#yes I ran out of images#I think it's better this way anyways#the parallels are extremely relevant to the last part (4/4)#which is why I decided to include so many examples even though it forced me to split the original post into two#this is the last section I completed and the more I dug the more I found#tw: long post
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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Obsessive ASOIAF theorizing misses the point of the stories, I think! George's goal is to tell us a sweeping fantasy with heavy romantic elements and really beautiful characterization grappling with themes of redemption, power, agency, identity, love, loss, growth, death, (re)birth, etc etc. He obviously has some big plot points and mysteries, but those serve to reinforce the themes (e.g. Rhaegar and Lyanna are there to talk to us about love and tragedy and cycles and identity). George isn't chucking in a mystery to just have a wild and shocking reveal, he's putting it in to serve a narrative point and when you lose sight of that you are losing the plot, quite literally.
To me, it's much more interesting to see how certain themes develop over time as George sits with them (e.g. Jaime's progression from the outline into his POV character form is a perfect example), historical inspirations (BUT not as a way to crack a code!!!), and literary allusions and references.
#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#i totally understand the appeal of theorycrafting or whatever and I think it's fun to read them! but I think the obsessive like#everything is a secret! we just have to crack all the codes! isn't fun!#the beauty of the books is getting swept up in a fantastical world with incredible prose that talks to us about human life idk!#that's why for example 'I dreamed of you' hits like a truck going 100 mph#anyway i think it's much more interesting to talk about george in conversation with other novelists and themes!#like the realization to me that Arya is a Carson McCullers Mick Kelly style protagonist rocked my world and deepened her arc for me#just my 2 cents though I'm not a cop#i think really what i'm getting at is i feel like ppl are setting themselves up for disappointment by wanting everything to have a secret#the beauty is the story unfolding as george tells it to us idk!
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at this point i don’t even have any commentary to add to this. i’m just tired.
#there was a thread i saw right before this#where a transmasc person was talking about their body and referred to it as having not been female in a long time#and somebody replied saying that they were confused when they read it#because the trans people on their timeline are almost always transfems so they just assumed that person must be too#like even though they were talking about their body in a way that clearly indicated transmasculinity#this person still thought ‘why would a transfem be saying this’ before they thought ‘maybe this person is transmasc’#some of y’all really do not see us as part of your community at all and it’s exhausting#even to other trans people we don’t exist (unless it’s convenient)#examples of transandrophobia#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#transmascphobia#transmasc erasure
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How Fairy Tail could have had a really cool thematic parallel if they Committed to the Bit:
I often joke about my constant urge to spew essays on characters and topics I have thought too much about, but I refrain because translating all the thoughts in my head to words takes time and effort, and sometimes I am speaking to the void. However. I am spinning in my chair, gnawing at the bars of my enclosure, and frankly thinking way too much right now so I must scream.
It would have been so impactful if Fairy Tail emphasized Jellal being brainwashed.
Jellal is my boy, of course, but I’m not even just talking about the impact to his character: I mean the impact of the entire plot. This, of course, if we went the whole mile with the theming. The machination of being controlled, emotionally or magically influenced, or even unable to fulfill a desire due to an insurmountable obstacle, comes up numerous times throughout the plot, to both primary characters, supporting characters, and antagonists. While Fairy Tail is absolutely a series about friendship, it is also about choosing your path, with a large recurring theme of, regardless of connotation, about being selfish, and what that means on both ends of the spectrum. It’s a matter of free will, and the antithesis to this is all manner of external control. So really, it makes sense that this should be a thoroughly explored theme.
I could talk all day about all the different examples and aspects of this but I came here to talk about Jellal. First, the slavery aspect really hits the nail on the head, so we’re off to a great start—this, of course, applicable to multiple characters, which I really enjoy. Things go wild, however, when Jellal effectively chooses to trade himself for Erza in the punishment game and gets the ever-living shit beat out of him at the ripe age of eleven or twelve years old. He is, understandably, not in a good place, and he comes to the stunning conclusion that… he hates the slavers. Yeah. Checks out. Then, he hears the voice of ‘Zeref’ spewing rhetoric about hate, and it overwhelms; this, we know in hindsight especially, to be Ultear casting a mind-fuck spell in order to manipulate him, under the guise of pretending to be a figure young Jellal believed to be a god.
When I first saw this flashback, watching the anime, I was unbelievably hyped. For all of Fairy Tail’s odd relationship with foreshadowing, I got the gist of it as soon as the magic went into his right eye and overwhelmed him. In Japanese media especially (largely due to the prevailing symbolism of the daruma doll), the right eye is a huge indicator of free will and the future—namely one’s goals. Creepy magic ghost entering the right eye with magic-bind looking things and immediately warping Jellal’s goal? A+ delivery. Of course, at the time Zeref—an unrevealed ‘evil’ entity—seemed a likely culprit, but Ultear being the puppeteer changes little of the result. In fact, it actually creates a super interesting parallel, but more on that later.
First, there are the consequences of Jellal being an antagonist who is not in control of his actions. I see people lament that it “cheapens” the severity of the arc and provides a cop-out redemption for Jellal, and while the execution of the latter certainly could have been different, I don’t think the premise of mind alteration cheapens the overall plot and theme of Fairy Tail at all; on the contrary, it could have been used to further emphasize intra- and inter- character conflict as well as provide a super engaging parallel for the end of the series. The theme of nakama, family, and friendship is huge, so what better way to emphasize that than to show a twisted example of it?
Jellal goes from ride-or-die loyal and ‘good’ to circumstantially loyal to an ideal (and the people attached to it) and ‘evil’ with the flip of a magic switch. Erza gets the immediate short of the stick when she is the first victim (aside from Jellal himself) to this meddling, and the caring friend she had seen days or weeks before is now cruel, insane, and full of threats—threats she takes heed to as she is cast from the island. Now, Erza is also a child, and one full of trauma, so I am not trying to invalidate her fear or blame her for any outcome. This also does not dive into the intricacies of saving friends at cost to oneself, and all of the conflict thereof; if anything, the complication of the matter bolsters the drama and impact. And then, we have the rest of the squad. Sho, Wally, and Milliana buy into the idea without any trouble, and they continue to buy into it as they get older. Beyond morality, it’s a power fantasy, and those are easy for formerly powerless people to latch onto. However, Simon is the only one who realizes that something is fundamentally wrong and twisted with Jellal… and his ultimate goal, developed over the course of roughly seven to eight years, is to wait it out until he finds the opportunity to kill him, or get somebody else to do it. Ultear, even after integrating herself into the group out of nowhere, gets away with her plan, because ultimately nobody questions that Jellal’s sudden change was anything but a result of trauma and his own will—even in a world with magic, where the very first arc revolves around the use and mistreatment of charm magic.
(Now, as an aside, I unfortunately have some experience in friends suddenly changing. In real life, it is rarely so sudden and obvious, of course, and the culprit is usually those horrible little signals and hormones within the mind, and nothing so fanciful or external as magic. I had a friend take a nosedive into some truly batshit ideas—cult-starting worthy—and exhibit wild mood swings and displays of unprecedented behavior. It admittedly took me a moment to ascertain it among the known issues, but once the pieces clicked, it clicked. I wished I had noticed sooner, and even though she was more culpable of her choices than a person supernaturally influenced by an outside force, I still can’t hate her for all the harm done. This is all just to say that I have, especially in recent years, a personal perspective on this trope and an appreciation for the painful nuance.)
Refusing to reveal this mindfuckery in the arc diminishes the severity of it a great deal, I fear. We, along with the characters, spend time believing he died an insane villain… and then when he comes back amnesiac, it softens his character but does nothing to contradict how awful he had been. It’s not until years later, arcs later, that we get this random instance of the long overdue reveal to tell us that the manipulation has been discovered off screen. Not only is this utterly underwhelming, but Jellal is now actively working with Ultear and is fine with it! He’s still (understandably, after all this damn time thinking otherwise) blaming himself and lighting his own pyre to atone for things started by a factor completely outside of his control, and every character lets him. The discussion of autonomy is wasted. So, too, is all the juicy emotional fallout. We don’t see Jellal grapple with the horrifying reality that he has not been himself, that years of his life were wasted as a mental slave instead of a physical one; we don’t see Erza beat herself up (likely unnecessarily) because she could have potentially protected him but she hadn’t out of fear, and then she condemned him unknowingly; we don’t see the others truly come to terms with the fact that Jellal had been stolen from under their noses and they never noticed; we don’t even get more than a glimpse in Ultear’s head, who committed the deed because she thought her means wouldn’t matter and then they did.
It’s horrifying. It’s tragic. It was, perhaps, preventable—in that the problem was a punchable one, to a degree—except the people involved were just children, just human, and it wasn’t enough. Friendship and flashy magic power could not trump trauma and entrapment, not this time. No matter how I think the series could have and should have handled it (and I have several ideas, of course), Jellal’s story provides a haunting case of failure regarding the themes of friendship/community and freedom that our protagonists embody.
Which brings me to the perfect opportunity to follow up this occurrence of stripped autonomy and loss of freedom with a culmination of the affected themes, plot points, and more: the books of Zeref.
Namely, the idea that the etherious—sapient, cognizant, and fully capable of autonomy via every depiction given of them, from Tartaros to even Lullaby to especially Natsu—can be and have been resolutely manipulated and controlled via the books by Zeref. Now Zeref, infamously hands-off up until the finale, barely utilized this. The most we ever see is instilling a directive and supernatural need to kill Zeref in the texts, which serves as an externally imposed goal. (Sound familiar, yet?) Provided Larcade clearly doesn’t have these instincts, it is not a guaranteed addition either, which further adds to the sense of deliberation. Natsu experiences this only in the last arc, in what I assume is supposed to be a very tense and jarring plot of a friend and protagonist suddenly losing himself, but it does not get expounded on for long enough to hammer the point home. The plot point of reclaiming the book becomes about saving his life only, and not his autonomy. Not only could this have been emphasized to be properly horrifying and devastating, but the effect—and the suspense—would be doubled with the prior establishment of Jellal’s arc and the tragedy therein.
To back up for a moment, this parallel is further accentuated by the fact that Ultear and Zeref are clear mirrors of each other. Ultear was afflicted by a magic condition outside of her control and she was enslaved as a lab rat for it. When she broke free, she perceived her mother to have abandoned her, so Ultear, in her unresolved anger and grief, aims her entire goal to rectifying it, which culminated in planning to undo the entire timeline in order to make the one she wanted all along. Any casualties, any cruelties—including the mental enslavement of a slave child—are means to an end, and will ultimately be forgotten. Zeref lost his entire family to tragedy, and in his grief, he refused to forfeit the idea of regaining what was lost, namely his brother. He became afflicted with a curse—a magic condition outside of his control—and experienced cognitive dissonance for it. Ultimately, this miserable existence culminated in the idea of erasing the timeline entirely and forging his own. Any casualties, any cruelties—including subjecting his creations to the same lack of complete cognitive control—are means to an end, and will not matter.
I mentioned that selfishness is also a recurring theme and this is a prime example of the dark side of it. For Lucy, claiming her independence and following her own path against the wishes of her estate, it is a wondrous thing. Freedom cannot be achieved without some selfishness, and this is a wonderfully handled theme in Fairy Tail, where our protagonists unabashedly put their friends above concrete morals and follow a creed to live their life to the fullest—the eternal adventure. For characters like Ultear and Zeref, their personal desires—born of horrible tragedy and frankly understandable things to want—come at the cost of the autonomy of everyone else, especially the pawns they use to further their goal. This, in true fictional hyperbole, begs the question of where the line in the sand is to be drawn, of what is acceptable on a moral standard and what is not. It is, of course, colored by the protagonist’s point of view as clear antagonism, but as a viewer of the media it provides to us to question when protecting one’s ideal becomes irrevocably an attack on the sanctity of others.
Which brings us back to the matter of the books. The intended horror of Natsu losing control of himself, I think, could have been really emphasized in order to highlight these aforementioned themes. Imagine if, instead of a complete menagerie of new characters as the final invading force, Zeref’s key piece of his invasion was Natsu. With the intended goal of undoing time, having Natsu kill him is no longer necessary, so it would be more pragmatic to use Natsu instead as a weapon of mass destruction for his goal. Not only is he inside of Fairy Tail, but Zeref is, theoretically, doing this for Natsu too, and he won’t remember this upon success—nevermind that the Natsu we know, that presently exists, that we have watched develop over the entirety of the series, would be forever erased regardless.
Armed with the knowledge of what happened to Jellal, and how he ultimately had no one to intervene for him, this increases the urgency within the characters and will likely expedite their discovery of why Natsu turned against them out of nowhere. This time, a resistance is launched, and characters have the chance to intervene on the behalf of a friend. Gray couldn’t save Ur, Lucy spent years ensnared by the will of a family member, Erza didn’t recognize Jellal’s plight until it was too late, but they can save Natsu, and save him quickly. Fairy Tail, Team Natsu especially, can rewrite the book of E.N.D. solely for the great cause of freeing their friend and handing him back his free will, and in the process, Fairy Tail saves their own future as well. This doesn’t preclude the ability to free Zeref from his curse, but with or without that we have a beautiful culmination of fighting for the sake of a friend, for the individual and for the whole group. This time, friendship wins.
I just think it could have been really cool.
#fairy tail#pencil essay#pencil rambles#jellal fernandes#jellal fernandez#yall this why i usually only threaten to write essays#this is 2k worth of essay I banged out in less than 24 hours like a madwoman#couldn't even sleep well last night I was just Thinking about it#ruminating if you will#there are sooooo many finer points I left out of this for the sake of streamlining#like my separate analysis essay on ultear in particular#and how hades plays into it etc etc#she was such a cool antagonist#and of course I think about how I would have resolved jellal's thing#ranging from most tragic (death or incarceration) to most friendly (we adopt him)#but that's also a different can of worms#i can't even apply all of this to htryds because the specific ship has sailed for the natsu plot#even though i am absolutely harping on the jellal bit#and those sweet sweet themes of freedom and autonomy#some of my favorite themes which is why i love characters who get it taken from them#nobody will be surprised i love the winter soldier for example#juicy stuff#anyways i already subjected yall to my rambles i will stop in the tags#as i quell the AP Lit-caliber essayist ignited within me
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I SAID I WAS GOING TO DRAW THAT CAR SO HERE WE ARE (I hope you enjoy this is the stupidest thing I've drawn in months /affectionate)
(I put the image descriptions in the Alt text this time because there's so many images. If it doesn't work please tell me and I'll yeet them in the actual post!!)
happy finale of Wild Life everybody! :D
#would you believe me if I told you that I had to come up with designs for everybody on the spot#cuz I've never actually drawn these guys before#the life series versions anyways#also yes gem is coming with joel#they're a family! you can't separate them!#I imagine it's a bit of a situation like gem is dropping joel off at daycare#even though joel's driving#I hope all the text is readable#I had to sacrifice a bit of visual flair for readability and contrast so I hope it worked well#also the idea of Grian's body being essentially a empty-eyed meat suit/puppet thing#while the actual Grian emotes with the giant floating eye thing is really funny to me#partially taken inspiration from mambodork's buttercups homeowners association au lol#I also really like this pearl design#I don't know why but her expressions are so fun to me#I tried putting some easter eggs in this despite not knowing a lot of life series lore#for example in cleo's winner's portrait they're being puppeted by another cleo wearing vr glasses! :D#idk I thought it was cool#there's a few more easter eggs/references in here feel free to go look for them#can't reveal all my secrets at once >:3#anyways yeah this brings me an inordinate amount of joy#...frick I forgot my tags#uhhh#whiteboardartstudios#original post#I guess#my art#?#life series#trafficsmp#traffic smp
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i have a vision.... I don't actually think Lando likes to be casually touched.... someone come discuss with me.....
#formula 1#lando norris#oscar piastri#landoscar#look i've been watching old videos and stuff#and i think the horse play joshing around touches were carlos's love language#and lando kinda#socialized that way?#does that make sense?#but intrinsically he's not a tactile person#he is when he's with people who he deems Safe#like he'll have a good cuddle dont get me wrong#but he doesn't#actually like to be touched#i have examples i just neeed to sleep LOL#im not explaining this very well#but george's hands on his face sparked a ThoughtTM#I DO think oscar noticed it#like osc notices everything about him#and that's why he hesitated during fan zone in silverstone 23#but lando has deemed him a Safe person#and i think that's how we got to the little waist grab at the photoshoot this year#lando WILL touch though#he'll offer it as comfort and love generously#i just dont think he receives it that well#bye#formula one#I KNOW THIS IS A HOT TAKE OKAY PLS DONT THINK IM INSANE
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this is maybe a niche complaint and people might disagree but i think it's really fucking foul how talking about your own experience with abuse is considered 'trauma dumping'. These weaponised pop psychology terms have done a number on normal human interactions.
#and don't get me wrong: there are examples where it does become that I'm not saying it doesn't exist. There's a line.#but just talking about your trauma in a stand up set or using it to explain why you connect with something is NOT one of those#you have every right to joke about it and talk about it#obviously you have to mediate and know your audience (though that can be hard when you're mentally ill/ND and it's a normal subject for you#but to express or vent your feelings is not fucking trauma dumping and fuck you for shaming people for it#im mad because i saw a post about pete davidson talking about how his grandfather beat him in a stand up set and people were saying#he 'held the audience hostage and trauma dumped on them'#it's Pete FUCKING Davidson! he's a bpd king and you KNEW that when you bought tickets#and it's his set! he can talk about whatever he wants#people that have been abused have a right to talk about their experiences#if you don't want to hear about it maybe don't be a fan of someone who talks about their life that includes trauma??#you get the WHOLE person not just the bits you can stomach#fuck you man#im so tired of people hating victims
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i will never be over the perfect slow burn of leonardo's deteriorating mental health from s1 to s3 in tmnt 2003
he's a pretty reserved and quiet guy but we still get to see him be a dork in s1 and act like a typical teenager!!! having fun riding his scooter during the blackout with his brothers, getting SO excited over perfecting his split kick, and the background stuff too, like reading a book (and getting interrupted by the battle shell almost running him over in "fallen angel" rip), and eating junk food with his brothers.
but you get further into the series, and a lot of that stuff just kinda... fades away. he'll still mess around and play with his brothers sometimes before the plot starts, but the more obvious dorky teenage stuff sort of stops, and 99% of the time in the background shots in the set-up to the plot, he's training. And it's not even the fun, "i REALLY want to get this move right, hey look guys i did it!!! :3", kind of training like with the split kicks. he's taking it 100% serious, like it's life or death. And well..... I think for him, it definitely feels that way.
I mean, Tales of Leo pretty much shows us what is most important to him. (and i always go kind of bonkers over just how explicit they are in laying out just who exactly Leonardo is and what makes him tick in that single episode. Obviously the show does it at least once for the others too bc it's a kid's show, but once they give us the basics of personality early on, they let the characterization come through more subtly. In comparison, this episode comes late into the season and it kind of feels like them grabbing us and going "are you paying attention? this is important. it will be important.")
we get to see how focused he is, how he's been there to save his brothers when they get into trouble, how they trust him and his judgment, and most importantly from splinter's tale, protecting his family will always outweigh any fear he has. Leonardo is at his bravest when his family needs him. and we get proof of this moments later when he wakes up from his coma ("Leonardo, my son, you must gather all your strength and confront your fear"), he wakes up because he heard his family tell him they needed him.
and I think, pre-series, this protective drive, this responsibility he has gladly put on his shoulders, wouldn't be that much of an issue. Obviously, there were dangers but. Intermittent ones. Ones any of them were fully capable of handling on their own and as kids.
But then the show starts happening and their adventures get more dangerous, more lethal. And the stakes keep getting higher and higher.
And Leo feels this change the most keenly because he feels so responsible for the lives of his family. And, unintentionally, his family ends up reinforcing this belief, inadvertently places expectations on his shoulders, because at least once per season there's some big high stakes fight and everyone looks to Leonardo to pull through and finish things.
And obviously if they knew, if they realized how this might be affecting him, they would say something, do something, but Leo would never tell. He wants to protect them. He's probably happy and proud that they rely on him.
And so the series goes on, with his family none the wiser of what's happening, but, imo, you can see the cracks in the façade.
We know from Return to New York with the way he freezes and has a flashback when fighting the Elite that he most definitely has a little trauma from the Shredder Strikes Back. That he was afraid during that fight, even if he didn't show it. That he might've been scared during other moments in the show but didn't show it because his family needed him.
When he makes a mistake, he's so harsh with himself. In s3, Hunted, Leo steps on a mine and he immediately goes "stupid, stupid, stupid!" at himself. In the recap episode of s2, Raph points out that Leo isn't so perfect considering how he almost believed the Shredder when he tried to get Leo to join him. And unlike in the first episode of s1 where Leo pushes back against Raph's taunts, he just full-on agrees with Raph here. Splinter tries to let him know it's not his fault but he brushes off any comfort or reassurance, because in his mind, he should have been better.
All of his spare time now seems to be spent on training, because he needs to be ready for anything. And on that point, his hypervigilance is through the roof. If there's someone in the shadows, some quiet sound hinting at an attack, it's almost always Leo that notices. I think constantly of the moment in Hunted when Mikey would have been sniped if Leo hadn't noticed the glint of the rifle and got him out of the way. I'm sure what could have been haunts Leo. And it's those small moments, where Leo needed to be ready and able that keeps reinforcing Leo's belief that he has to be on the look-out, has to protect his family, because if he isn't, they will die.
And it just builds and builds and by the time you get to season 4, where Leo is spiraling and isolating himself and lashing out, it feels like it's been a long time coming.
#tmnt 2003#leonardo 2003#meta#am i biased and looking into this too deeply? mayhaps. probably even#i dont care though#play in this space with meeeeeee!!!!#god ive had this post in mind since january and it underwent so many different versions in my mind#am i happy with this one? no#i still think it's better than my original one#that one was straight after bingeing s1 to half of s4 in the space of a couple of weeks#there were. a lot more examples#and i could pull out sources if anyone wants them#but it would have this thing so much longer than it already is#they've had so many close calls yall#(also if im honest i havent touched the show since january so i have. forgotten a lot of the exact episodes of the moments im thinking of.)#ended up brushing over city at war just bc i feel that ep is more proof about how leo feels more responsible than he should over things#which isn't entirely relevant to my point so whatever#i feel like i also could have talked about why leo doesnt talk to his family in s4 but. it's so long already#me looking at this longass post: should i put this under a read more?#me: nah#read my words boy#long post
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so here's a scenario if a character was, completely random example, shot by a sniper in the street and they had one singular coherent thing they said in between getting hit and waking up in the hospital days later. what do you think is the most absolutely sickening heartwrenching line you could have that character say. like for instance to their closest friend. who is let's say idk covered in the blood that just sprayed out of them straight into said friend's face. a best friend who is actively trying to stop them from continuing to bleed out in that moment because they were just SHOT by a SNIPER and they're DYING. let's chew on this hypothetical situation for a minute or five. what is the most insane yet still fully in character thing a person could use the last of their energy to say in the chaos of everything that's happening before passing out. they're in pain, they're in shock, hell they're not even fully aware at this point right and this is something that could easily easily be the last words they ever speak. what do you think would be the version of those words that would clock me in the face the hardest and why did Eddie Diaz from 9-1-1 say it on network television in 2021
#'stop making 4x14 your whole personality' the crowd screams. but No. I Won't.#in fact i become more irritating about it the more years it stews inside of me#tv: 911#blood tw#911 spoilers#even though i just made this example up of course why would that be a real thing they would put on tv for me to watch#that would be so fucked up if they did that#kicks pinned post under rug etc
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As a black gay man who finds the fictional version of the average bass pro shop credit card owner slash NRA member attractive I am constantly fighting myself so i kind of love when posts discuss the complex ways people (even marginalized people) use aesthetics associated with dominant groups and oppressors or enjoy characters who are parts of those dominant/oppressive groups
#note#It’s like wow. Humans are so complicated#This is also why you basically never see me HC my f/os who fall into this category as like. Trans for example#Optics feel weird. Even for me#All of them are at least textually implied if not explicitly stated to like men though so 🤷♂️#I don’t argue with canon!
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they're a little too fixated on gay saunas recently. like do we really need to share this
i think dan's doing that thing he always does where he gets hung up on something really random and keeps bringing it up all the time for seemingly no reason. i don't know if it's the autopilot entertainer brain that just throws out any remotely interesting thing on his mind or what but he does it a lot 😭
#could not give you an example though i just know we've wondered about this many times#like damn why does dan keep bringing up xyz#and then after a bit he just stops. and then it's something else#need to know wtf made gay saunas be the topic of the month though#answered
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Ok, I recently wrote an essay [here] talking about the definition and duties of civil engineering as well as the ethics because of the brain rot @swordfright gave me with calling Dream Sam’s ultimate engineering project. So, because I actually am a civil engineer I took it upon myself to design the title and summary of quantities sheets just like I do at work for roads but with Dream as the project instead. And in honor of angst day sponsored by @sixteenth-day-event, I figured I’d share it because I feel like it kinda works for the prison of the mind prompt.
“Sam’s “ultimate engineering project” he deemed too damaged like a bumpy road or crumbling building that wasn’t worthy of patching and filling in the cracks or reinforcing, that’s too eroded to be fixed and preserved. So, Sam strived to tear him down to the bedrock so he could remake, remold, and reengineer Dream according to his design for the common safety, public health and well-fair.”
{These are very similar to the actual sheets I make day to day, which I shall not share for the sake of doxing my location, but yea pretty much everything has a significance. Some of it doesn’t necessarily make sense but that was because I was more so taking inventory of what we see in lore (so you know I counted ;) lol)}
#sixteenthdayevent#AAANNNNNGGST#Ah and now you see why I’ve been digging up all the prison lore and inventories ;D…. my brain rot is too powerful#still never got wardens torment enchants though :( did for the shovel and how which I’ll now have to write torture scenes for…#so ummm stay tuned for that in Misery Loves An Idiot… Dream going to have lots of fun I’m sure >:)#c!dream#dsmp#dreblr#dream smp#dsmp dream#dsmp analysis#dsmpblr#prison arc#dsmp art#pandora’s vault has a singular purpose#flora favs#pandora’s vault#c!dream fanart#flora does art apparently#ah Sam… such a good engineer… if only he realized Dream was a person not a condemned structure oof#if y’all are curious enough I might share a irl work example with different numbers and stuff but didn’t want to bore you XD#happy angst day :)… wait isn’t that everyday? lol#can we talk about how I’ve done all of these prompts as descriptions of metaphors and stuff kinda funny#civil engineering
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i was watching Jerma make tierlists yesterday and he ALMOST DID THIS ONE but thought it was "inaccurate" and skipped it and that made me so mad and upset that i decided to do it myself. this follows an odd and slightly convoluted logic so don't overthink it too much... but this is my verdict. 95% of this is born out of indifference towards certain characters rather than actual dislike
#IT'S ALSO SO TRICKY because there are so many shades of these characters#if Tweety was naked Tweety he would be in B tier for example#Elmer would probably be higher and in B tier if it was more early Elmer#i prefer batty senile Bea Benaderet Granny to the nicer more mild mannered June Foray Granny and so batty Granny would probably be B tier#i genuinely don't think there's a character on here that i truly dislike?? i don't like Cool Cat but like Buddy he's just a victim of#circumstance and the era that he was born in people love to act like they're the worst ever when they're just following the trends of the#time. Clyde Bunny annoys me and i like to joke and say that he's evil but he's literally just nothing.#i wonder if i'm the only person on earth who prefers Sniffles to Marvin the Martian#I LIKE MARVIN but i admittedly am not swept up in most of the (understandable) hype around him#he's cute but i tend to prefer his cartoons for his other starring counterparts (so. Bugs or Daffy/Porky for Duck Dodgers)#also Inki was included but i'm not blackface jumpscaring my followers Bosko being on here is bad enough as is lol#i have no feelings towards the character other than 'wow his design is unfortunate' but i think his cartoons are well directed enough purel#in terms of direction/technique.. and i like the mynah bird well enough. so that's why the mynah's there but no Inki#and Gabby and Petunia i like for personal reasons/loyalty. i don't think they're better characters than Hubie and Bert for example#like at all. but i love them and have been dedicated to them for too long#lt#i guess realistically Bugs would maybe be first in A tier in terms of shorts bc i probably watch his shorts most after#Porky and Daffy... but i feel more passionately 'oh i love this fuckin guy' about Sylvester and Foghorn than i do Bugs#for quality of cartoons though he'd be right in front of all of them
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honestly, re: my last reblog, but it's so funny to me how unbearably annoying humans in mass effect are, like you guys!!!!! calm down!!! you JUST arrived!!! maybe take in your surroundings for 5 seconds before declaring you should be treated like the most special princesses of all and have all the advantages ever without any drawback and be recognized as the supreme leaders who have all the clarity and drive and righteousness to solve everything and be the victims of everyone's envy and meanness and the ultimate heroes who will save everyone in spite of themselves...... 😔😔😔
#thoughts#mass effect#honestly though it's VERY realistic#it's probably the most realistic portrayal of how ego-driven humans would be in a first contact scenario I've ever seen haha#but gggod you guys are SO annoying!!!!#it's why I've never been fully onboard with anderson for example#this guy is so humanity-patriotic to the point of completely “dehumanizing” a lot of the aliens he meets#especially in the novels#not to say it's normal that only 3 species are at the top making decisions#and the democratic system of that society is fucking busted like it's an actual joke#but humans don't seek to fix that and make it more fair#they don't ally with voluses and hanar and elcor and vorchas and batarians and krogans to make a democratic coalition#no they're like ????? but?? but me???? but I'M special????????#but ME deserve to be on top??????#not questioning the system but just being like “okay how can I climb on top and become the ultimate girlboss of space aliens”
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Veilguard vaguing:
It's not automatically a good thing, actually, that the game de-emphasizes or even outright removes racism against elves, and bigotry against other groups, from the story
#veilguard critical#completely declawing the sociopolitics of the story doesn't in any way make it a better story ugh#being of a certain race and even of a certain gender should mean something in the dragon age world and not all those things are good#and that's part of the challenge of the roleplay and part of the themes of the whole overarching story like#tevinter! is a location in this game!!#not to focus on just the elves but if we're not feeling the absolute depths and desperation of all the elves#not just the dailish#then there's no way to feel much complexity or conflict over - for example - what solas is trying to do and why he's so motivated#his character is boiled down to him being by himself and feeling conflicted over just his past actions#as if he didn't spend all of inquisition investigating yours and the companions' differing plights and worldviews#tbh though one of the biggest failings of inquisition is maybe possibly not highlighting the dailish and city elves enough#to help drive home this point - but veilguard is so clearly just kind of out here by itself with loredumping that goes completely#uninvestigated socially or politically that like... it doesn't matter much#like we just have to pretend that everyone is playing kumbaya now? with the elven god of rebellion real and running around?#that you can walk around anywhere in tevinter practically unbothered?#like bellara and davrin and every dailish elf in thedas aren't at all significantly moved by knowing their gods are just some guys?#i get more and more pissed at -good vibes- storytelling in all its mediums with every passing day#ISMtext
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