#he didnt remember you bc he was too young but he wanted you to feel welcome here and form a bond with you

[horrorwebs]

why are men literally the fucking worst

[soggyriceee]

Helping Hand | dbf!Captain Price

summary: after your parents argue again, you walk over to your neighbors house who, you've had relations with in the past. true feelings are brought up be end in the most romantic way, loooooong back story but I feel like that makes the smut part of it so much better

warnings: dbf!Price, female!reader, age gap (reader 22, Price 45), unprotected P in V, fingering, daddy kink (bc hes daddy)

another restless night. your mom screaming at your dad for being at the bar late at night, him screaming back that he needed the break. "I work 60 hours a week!" he'd yell. "you are never home for dinner, barely make it to your kids important days!" she'd yell back, sometimes throwing a pan at him. it was bad. and you'd have to hear it every other night. your brothers drinking was no help either. family arguments were common, no matter how much you tried to avoid them. your mom would burst into your room, telling you to take her side, your father having the same idea.

"can you guys please stop I have exams tomorrow." you remember telling them, trying your hardest to focus on the notes in front of you. it was 12 in the morning. they were all supposed to be asleep. but of course, your dad stumbled in drunkly, waking up your mom and brother. it was peaceful in the house until it wasn't. thats why you'd often saunter over to your neighbor, John, to get some sleep.

"of course kid, you never have to ask." he always told you, smiling down as he opened the door wide. his wife was always delighted to have you over, she saw you as one of her own seeing as they never had kids. John was too busy with the military, kids was never truly an option for him. but he never saw you as his own, as his kid. he saw you as a woman. a woman who caught his eye the second she moved in next door two years ago.

your family had moved next door so it was closer to your college, but also to your fathers job. and Price and his wife were very quick to welcome you all into the neighborhood. they were the first people who invited you to their cookouts, parties. anything. your father had grown so close to Price, it was like they were brothers. and thats what made Price's feelings towards you even more conflicted and morally wrong. he knew he couldn't pursue you. he was significantly older than you, married and friends with your father. there were a surplus of negatives rather than positives and he was not willing to risk anything.

but when the summer time hit, and you'd slide into his pool, the pink or white bikini latching to your skin, he couldn't help but excuse himself up to his room and fuck into his fist, moaning your name into his hand. and what was the worst part about it all, he didnt care about what his wife would think. he cared what you'd think.

his marriage was falling apart quickly. his wife was very passionate about having kids, even though she was 40. "please, at least before im dried up for good." she'd beg him. but he wouldn't budge. kids was not something he wanted to have, ever. and because of that arguments were not a foreign thing for the two of them. so, it wasn't that you were young. or maybe it was. but it was because you would give him a new sense of life, a breath of fresh air away from arguments and constant stress.

the first night you had come to his home, tears falling from your cheeks, he was instantly worried. he pulled you into the house, pulling you into his chest. his wife came out quickly, gaping at your disheveled look. "oh my.. what happened my dear?" she ask, dropping the cup of tea in hand and running to hug you alongside John.

from that night on you made it routine to come sleep over in their house, whenever you needed. they even gave you a key. you felt more at home with them than you did at your home. they let you decorate the guest room into your own, took you out on small little events. it gave John's wife a sense of motherhood, one that she wanted for years.

so, when you and Price were in your room together, making out passionately, his hand gripping your boobs, your hands tangled in his hair, it didnt strike her as odd when she walked in to see you both on your bed. "she was having a hard time in school.. English test, right?" John said to her, quick to have an excuse. you nodded, swallowing hard. "y-yea I just.. needed to vent." you said, looking at her.

that was a month ago of course, she had believed you both. but that was the last time you and Price had ever really done anything of sorts again. and that was the last time you had been to their house. the feelings, tension between you both was too much and you both knew, that you wouldn't be able to make the right decisions if you both were alone together again.

but things were getting hard again and you needed to escape home. another family fight, this time about your father bringing up another woman's name during sex. it was disturbing, gross and uncomfortable for you to be around. but the screaming, breaking glass. it was not something you wanted to spend your summer night listening to.

looking out the window, you bit your bottom lip before making the final decision to sneak out and head over to your home. your real home. grabbing your phone, laptop and AirPods, you made your way out the window, landing on the mini roof in front of your window and slowly, climbing down to where the floor was. silently, you made your way across your lawn and over to Mr. Price's, looking at all the new flowers his wife had recently grown. a part of you felt guilt, selfish even for coming into their home, knowing what had happened between you and Price a few weeks ago. but you needed peace. you needed him.

knocking on the door, you crossed your arms behind your back, waiting anxiously for the door to open. a few seconds after, the door slowly opened, revealing a disheveled looking Price. his face was bright red, lips glossy. he had no shirt on, but a grey pair of sweats. a part of you felt embarrassed, but a bigger part of you felt a bit of pain, assuming he was just fucking his wife upstairs. "o-oh.. hey kid." he said, clearing his throat. " hi.. John. I guess this was a bad time but I-"

"no.. no its not." he said quickly, shaking his head. "I-i was just.." he pointed his thumb behind him, maintaining eye contact as he tried to find the words. you gave a small, apologetic smile before turning. but he was faster, gripping your wrist and pulling you back. " stay. please." he whispered, looking down at you, his eyes submissive. you swallowed before looking behind him, seeing an empty bottle of whiskey on the table. "isn't.. Mrs. Pri-" "she's not Mrs anymore.." he cut you off, looking away from you.

you felt guilty for bringing up the topic, even more guilty for thinking he was fucking her upstairs instead of you. his grip on you loosened and he backed away. "you don't have to stay.. but i'm assuming your here cause your parents. and you shouldn't.. be around that. you shouldn't be alone.. and I don't wanna be alone anymore either." he said, his words growing breathless towards the end, his eyes moving back to yours. your heart felt heavy for him. he was struggling for God knows how long alone. you gave him a small nod, his hand taking yours before he pulled you gently inside.

the door closed and you looked around the empty home, dishes and beer cans scattered about. "im sorry for the mess I uh.. its been hard to-" "let me help you." you turned to him, looking up at him. his doe eyes pierced into you, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. that was all the confirmation you needed before turning back around, grabbing the empty cans and moving towards the kitchen recycling can. " thank you." you heard him say from the living room. "dont mention it. its a good distraction for me anyways." you said, the memory of your parents fighting coming back to you.

"hey.." he said, somehow coming up behind you. you quickly turned, wiping your eyes quickly and giving him a fake smile. his hands cupped your cheeks, his thumbs wiping the tears. " your here now.. safe." he whispered, keeping his eyes on yours. his lips trailed from your eyes to your lips, then back to your eyes. " John.." you whispered, pulling your head out of his grasp. he cleared his throat, stepping back. you both wanted it, bad. but it was wrong. and you both agreed to it, nonverbally of course, but it was an intuition.

" im sorry." you said softly, looking down to your shoes. "dont apologize. you have done nothing wrong." he said, patting your arm before walking away.

|

the rest of the night you spent in 'your room', reading up the rest of the texts you had for your exams. it was raining pretty hard outside, thundering and lightening. it was peaceful, more peaceful than your home.

stretching, you sat up from your bed and made your way down to the kitchen, hungry. you were sure price was hungry as well so why not make some grilled cheese? as you hummed your way down the hall, you heard what sounded like cries coming from inside John's room. you stopped in your tracks, standing in front of his room. you then heard empty bottles rolling against the floor. sighing, you leaned your head against the door. you didnt know if you should open the door, or stay outside. or just walk away.

but your heart was more powerful than your mind and you couldnt stop your hand from knocking against the door. "John.. can I come in?" you asked softly. when he stopped sniffling, and all you could hear was the empty bottles, you slowly opened the door. in front of you was John, sitting against his wall, tears running down his face with another bottle of whiskey by his side. he wasn't moving, wasn't blinking. just crying.

you slowly approached him, sitting in front of him. you took the bottle, placing it under his bed, out of sight. " can i.. hold your hand?" you asked, looking at his blank face. when he gave you a soft hum, you reached for his hand, cupping it in both of yours. he felt his breathing go from fast to slow, his hooded eyes making his way to yours. "i'm here John.. you don't have to be alone anymore.." you said softly, scooting closer.

for the next hour John spent crying into your chest, apologizing for being drunk around you. " I-im sorry for.. for this. I know drunk p-people probably make you feel-" "stop. you have a valid reason. I understand. id actually prefer being around drunk you than my drunk father anyways.." you said, running your hands through his hair. he held your waist, sniffling every now and then. he was finally calm, finally at peace. he felt safe in your arms and despite how embarrassing it was to be the older person seeking out comfort from the younger, he knew the last thing you'd do was judge him.

"are you hungry?" you asked, realizing John had been playing with the hem of your shirt for a bit. he looked up, his eyes scanning your lips before meeting your gaze. a soft smile was painted across your face, your hands still in his hair. "im.. im sorry." he whispered. before you could ask him what he meant, his lips pressed against yours, his hand slipping around the side of your neck. he poked your lips with his tongue, asking for permission. and you embarrassingly fast let him in.

he shifted so he was sitting now, pulling you onto his lap. his tongue roamed your mouth, occasionally sucking your tongue and earning a moan from you. when he finally pulled away, a short string of saliva connected you two. heavy pants and the sound of rain was all that could be heard as you both stared at each other, waiting for whats next. just as you opened your mouth, he spoke.

"i.. I know you think its because im drunk. but I promise you.. ive wanted to do that for so long." he whispered, eyes going back to your wet lips. " I dream of it, even when she was here. I couldnt bring myself to not think about you when I kissed her. when I fucked her. when I laid beside her. I know I sound like a horrible person, and I know what im risking here saying this to you. but.. but I have a feeling you feel the same about me.." he said softly, his hands holding your hips in place, hoping and praying you wouldn't run away, never speaking to him again. but you wouldn't do that. because you cared about him too much. you wanted this to happen as much as he did and you weren't going to let this moment slip away.

your hands cupped his face before leaning in again, John accepting the kiss before your lips even met. it was a slow, passionate kiss. he pulled you closer into him, moaning into the kiss when you'd pull at his bottom lip. his hands slowly snaked up your shirt, now holding your waist. "I need you.." you breathed against his lips, eyes still closed. it was desperate of you. but you didn't care. seeing how badly he wanted you made you want him even more. you didn't care if she walked in and saw the two of you, told your parents, the whole neighborhood. you guys could run away, live in a different state, a different country even. you guys could be happy. and as much as you wanted that, you knew the right now, this was the best you'd get.

he slowly pulled you off his lap, standing up before lifting you up. he laid you gently on the bed, resting between your legs. his lips attached to yours again, his hand finding your covered breast immediately. your whimpered into the kiss, thrusting your hips up to feel his hard on. his other hand found the side of your face, holding it as to keep you close. his lips moved down to your jaw, then your neck. he was careful to not make too many marks, especially ones to high up. you whimpered at his teeth nibbling your skin, his tongue sliding slowly across the mark to ease the pain. " ive wanted this.. for so long." he Sid against your skin, his hands working to pull down the pajama pants you had put on a while back.

he threw them behind him, not caring where they end up. he sat up, looking down at your panties. a large wet spot shone threw, a breathy chuckle eliciting from him. "is this all for me baby?" he asked, his fingertips ghosting over the spot. you nodded quickly, bucking your hips up. " use your words darling." he said again, looking up at you this time, his fingers still ghosting over the same spot. "y-yes.. yes daddy." his face formed a bright smile before looking back down at your panties, fingers slipping under the hem and pulling them down. "daddy huh? dont think ive ever been called that." his fingers ran up your slit and stopping right before your clit. you groaned at the teasing, trying to move your hips to meet his fingers.

"patience baby.. daddy wants to take his time with you." he said, chuckling at your desperation. nothing was funny to you, but you wanted him do bad, you'd be willing to do anything he asked of you in this moment. his fingers continued to tease you until he slid one inside you for just a second, before quickly pulling it back out. he loved how fast your cunt clenched around his finger, the surprised gasp leaving your lips when he slid it in, then out. "you like that?" he whispered, watching how your pussy clenched every time his finger got close to your hold again. "yes please.. please do it again." you begged from beneath him, eyes pleading with his distracted ones.

he smiled to himself, adding two fingers in at once this time and watching them completely disappear. your head pressed firmly against the pillow, your eyes squeezing shut. he moved his fingers in and out slowly, then fast, analyzing which pace got you reacting to his touch more. when he found it, he continued with it, his eyes finally moving up to your face. your beautiful face. he felt like he had fallen in love all over, watching your face twist in pleasure. it scared him most certainly. he'd spent what felt like years and years in a somewhat loveless marriage. seeing you, your beautiful face, kind personality and hearing your beautiful voice made him scared. scared that if he did commit to you, you both would end up like his marriage.

but now, he couldnt worry about that. your moans and whimpers were too much of a distraction for him to think about anything serious. he wanted to focus on now, and thats what he did. "feel good baby? is daddy making this pussy feel good?" he asked above you, body completely hovering over you as he tilted his head to the side, looking down at you. you nodded, opening your eyes and gripping his shoulders. "s-so good~" you whined, nodding your head quickly. " good girl. such a good girl for me aren't you? gonna cum on daddy fingers huh? gonna show daddy how good you feel?" he asked, his thumb quick to find your clit and moving at the same pace your fingers were.

no matter how hard you tried to talk, his fingers were doing magic on your lower region. you felt a knot forming at the pit of your stomach, your moans increasing in pitch. " I-im gonna cum" you cried out, pulling him down into your chest and hugging his shoulders. he grunted in your ear, keeping the same continuous pace, whispering how beautiful you were, how hes gonna claim your pussy. how hes gonna gonna make love to you, rather than just fuck you. his genuine words, surprisingly, made you finish, your cum soaking both him and his bed sheets. he gasped, peeking down at your cunt as his fingers slowed in pace, listening to the squelching noises your pussy made for him.

he sat up, looking down at the mess beneath you both. he hadn't realized it, but his fingers kept moving in and out of you. it was like he was in a spell, a spell from your pussy. " j-john" you finally called out, getting his attention. he smiled and slid his fingers out, sliding them in his mouth. he hummed around them, causing you to hide your face in your hands. he was quick, however, to remove them. "dont hide from me. I want you to see how good you taste." he said before pressing his lips back onto yours. your own taste flooded your mouth, your hands tangling back into his hair.

at the same time, he began to pull his sweats down, his dick springing free, slapping against his lower stomach. the sound made you pull away and look down. to say you were nervous was an understatement. but he was quick to shut down any worries you had. "im gonna go slow with you.. I promise." he said, lifting your head. he gave another small smile down at you, rubbing your cheek with his thumb. you leaned into his touch, closing your eyes and smiling. it almost slipped from him, but he held back the ' I love you' as he watched you lean into him. his heart was fluttering and he felt like crying all over. happy tears though. because he was truly in love, an the knew that after this, you'd have to go back home. pretend like what happened never happened. at least in front of people. but he didnt want that. he wanted to show the world you were his and he was yours.

he was so deep in thought again, you had wrapped your legs around him to get his attention. "s-sorry. your just so beautiful" he smiled, kissing your forehead before standing from the bed, pulling his sweats and boxers off completely. he was quick to slide back between your legs, his tip hitting your soaked pussy. he looked down, grabbing the base and moving it around your cunt. "shit your fucking drenched honey." he whispered, watching as strings of your wetness rose from you as he lifted his dick away. you whimpered in embarrassment, a bright pink covering your cheeks.

"its sexy." he said, looking into your eyes. he swallowed before looking back down. "like I said, I wanna make love to you. I don't want this to be just us fucking. i.. I see you more than that." he said, his eyes wandering your body nervously before meeting your gaze. you smiled up at him, pulling him closer so your foreheads touched. " then make love to me John." you whispered, looking at him through your lashes.

his lips pressed onto yours, his hands holding onto your hands as he slowly, and carefully, slid into you. it was easy, considering your slick. but it still hurt, the stretching of your walls around his thickness. the moment you let out a pained whimper he stopped, telling you to tell him when you were ready for more. and it did take a while, but he eventually bottomed out inside your cunt, groaning at the warmth and wetness. his head fell into your neck, catching his breath before he tapped your hips. "are you ready for me love?" he asked into your neck, lifting his head to see your face when you answered. when you nodded, giving him a shy 'yes', his hips moved out, slow, and back in, slow.

at first it hurt. yes, you had small flings in college, and you had definitely told him about them before you figured out how in love with him you were. but never had they meant a lot to you. you are drunk for most of them, causing you to regret not waiting for the right guy which, in this case, would be John. you looked up at him, his bottom lip between his teeth as his browns knitted together. he let out soft grunts with every thrust, a breath after a few more. he looked beautiful, so handsome.

" darling s-stop looking up at me before i.. I finish too soon." he breathed out, looking into your eyes finally. you blushed and looked down to where your bodies connected. the sight alone made you clench around him, a whimper slipping past you. your hands found his neck, your eyes squeezing shut. his thrusts remained pretty slow, causing you to buck your hips up. "faster.. please." you whispered, opening your eyes to see his already on you. "anything for my princess." he responded, kissing your forehead as his thrusts picked up in pace. he wasn't going super fast, but he was going at a decent speed.

whimpers slipped past you with each thrust of his, your head falling back into the pillow. his name, and a few daddy's, slipped past your lips every so often, encouraging him to keep going. " f-fuck princess you're.. you're so tight" he groaned, his breathing picking up in pace. his grunts slowly turned into moans and you had assumed he was close. he took one leg and wrapped it around his waist, allowing deeper access into your cunt. his tip every so slightly hit your cervix, emitting more moans from you.

you hadn't realized it at first, but your nails dug into his back, leaving both crescent marks and scratches. and he fucking loved it. it was your way of marking his body, what was yours. he wanted more. " fuck baby.. mark me. I-im all yours~" he moaned, his head dropping into your chest as his thrusts began to become a bit more fast. he was certainly close, and you were too. " John im gonna cum" you moaned, leg tightening around his waist.

his breathing grew rapid, his head raising to look down at you with hooded eyes. his hands gripped the side of your neck, his other around your hip. he felt his dick pulse inside you, scared of cumming inside you, but also hoping you'd let him. "inside me.. please" you whimpered out, sensing his worry. he gave out a quiet whimper, his eyes squeezing shut.

it was perfect, your bodied moving together. and what made it even more perfect was the fact you both were going to cum, together. it was beyond romantic and made the feelings between you both even stronger. he opened his eyes, feeling as though he couldnt hold back any longer. he didnt know what had came over him, if it was your pussy, the alcohol, or just his emotions, but he couldnt stop the words from flowing out.

" fuck princess I-im cumming- fuck I love you.. oh I fucking..love. you!" he groaned, the last few words accompanied with a powerful thrust. his cum shot into you, a loud groan and a gasp escaping him. his grip on you tightened, his eyes watching as your cum shot out of you as well, mixing with his.

his eyes fluttered closed, his body falling onto you. you looked up at the ceiling, breathing hard as you just recalled what he had admitted to you. 'he loves me..?' you though, your chest feeling heavy, but a good heavy.

he eventually rose up, swallowing as he looked down at you. "I-im sorry im probably still drunk I didnt mean-" your lips slammed against his, discontinuing the sentence he had planned. " I love you to John." you said against his lips. you felt the smile spread across his lips as he moved back down to kiss you, his arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you into him.

the rest of the night you both spent cuddling, watching tiktoks on your phone. when you eventually dozed off, he placed your phone on the charger, went to use the bathroom one last time before coming back next to you. he pulled you into his chest, spooning you. he kissed your bare shoulders, whispering 'I love you' after each peck. he was happy. he didnt worry too badly about what could happen. he was happy now. and he wanted to stay that way forever.

| aghhh after serious writers block I give you guys this. this was a lot more cute than my other ones so I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did |

[deergravity]

The time travel poll is really my love letter to my friend who killed himself nine years ago.

Adam was the first openly trans person I became friends with. He was also one of the first people to affirm my queerness, to say that my feelings were enough, and I didnt need to score my experiences to reach some threshold.

He told me once, "people try and say that my partner and I are straight, but there is nothing straight about a bisexual woman and a trans man dating." That concept was radical to me at the time. Transformative.

We worked at a really shitty job together, one that ground up young activists and spat out jaded liberals. Adam helped keep my spark alive. He was in a leadership position and he used that to push back on bs from higher ups and protect those of us lower in the org. He lifted people out of those lower ranks based on their aptitudes, rather than the nepotism that usually ruled.

He just cared so much. He paid so much attention to people. I said once, offhand, I wanted to stop saying "you guys" by default. And he would call me out when I slipped up! Just like, "hey, I thought you didn't want to say that anymore." And I think that moment of realizing that people pay attention to what I say made all the difference in that change actually sticking.

When a friend of mine was promoted with a hint of that nepotism, I sought Adam's advice. How to navigate those feelings? Unpicking professional jealosy, concern and frustration... deciding if I should speak up or let it go. He talked me through the whole thing. Reminded me that my friend might also be feeling out of their depth. Encouraged me to find ways to offer the perspective I thought they lacked. I was drunk and thought I would forget so he wrote it down in my journal. It's the one bit of his handwriting I have.

He moved away a few months before his death. The last time we spoke, we sat on a bar balcony and talked about politics, about gender and sexuality. The golden glow of the sunset behind him.

In the state he moved to, he started a network of young trans men. He helped get them access to binders, to doctors that would prescribe hrt. Always a helper.

I think of him in this red polo shirt, oh my god it was so basic, but that's Adam to me. A polo and khakis. His buzzed short hair. His acne and his smile. God, his smile. A cig between his fingers as he stepped out for another smoke break.

He picked me up from the train station once. I was so tired, running on just a few hours sleep. I asked if we could get some coffee. He said sure, but we were going to this place he knew because "the coffee at this station is baby shit." That still makes me laugh...

I wish I could tell him how much he changed me. How much I still look to his example. I miss my friend, but I respect his decision.

I'm also envious of him, sometimes. Or, perversely happy he didn't have to see everything that's happened to our world since his death. He lived in a world where Trump was never president. A world that was transphobic, of course, but before the bitter backlash we're living through now. This is probably the most complicated thing I feel in the wake of it all. Idk if it's right, but it is. It gives me some peace to think of all the suffering he didn't have to witness.

The anniversary of his suicide is a few days before my birthday. A bit sobering, but honestly his memory is a blessing. I was lucky to know him and I remember him with love each year.

He felt especially close to me this July. To be honest, part of my hyperfixation on brat is because of him. Or, I held it closer bc of the piece of him I see there. In particular, So I has sent me to tears several times. A song about a friend, a mentor, gone too soon. The mark they left on your life. Wishing you had more time, grateful for what you made together. Wondering what they'd think of you now. I'm sure you could pick through this post and see what memories I dredge up with each line.

I love you, Adam. I miss you dearly. And I'd really, really like to time travel so I can just hug you for five minutes without saying a word.

[manicpixiedckgirl]

okay, so i posted a timeline. sue me! i quit all other social media last year and needed that dopamine hit. just a lil nicotine patch for online attention. seasonal depression is a bitch okay. i posted it here and to ig, bc ig is to late millennials what facebook is boomers. and people have all said some very nice things, but when you're posting a 10 year timeline, you're usually hoping for someone from your past to see it and go "woah! you're so different now"!

and whaddya know, this time it worked. one of my exes from when i was a teenager saw it. not one of the ones who turned out to be a lesbian, one of the ones who turned out to be a trans man. He just wanted to say hi - that he was so happy to see that i looked happy, and that i looked incredible, especially compared to the scruffy twink they had dated. (okay those are my words not his)

he and I didn’t have a great relationship at first - no one had a great relationship with me before i realized i was a trans woman obviously, but this was pretty young. I was really repressed and weird back then, and still very much without any social graces, and we were only like 16. they caught the full broadside of my emo fuckboy energy and got out fast once they saw that - i don’t blame them. I was crying in their arms about how much i hated my new body hair, and how i wanted to be able to wear dresses, and the next day i’d be completely emotionally unavailable and denying all of it. not exactly boyfriend material, not entirely boyfriend. They were very traumatized too in their own way, just realizing they were trans too, and engaging in a lot of ‘i want to be a gay man’ antics, fucking their way through the pain. He was frankly way too cool and sexually liberated to be wasting his time with that version of me. And it was very obvious to everyone who knew what that was 12-15 years ago that i was a closeted trans girl. we had a friend group that eventually fell apart, and we parted for the first time.

Later, in our late teens/20, we would end up fucking - i had started to accept and announce that my gender was complicated, and i was starting to be kinda faggy and loud about it, and not everyone hated that, and they had just started T and were boy horny. We split a bottle of wine (or was it two? It was probably two) and started watching an ashley tisdale movie. Looking back on it, how it went must definitely have been his plan, but i’ve always been blind about this stuff and was that night. It was definitely bad sex, but it was also fun sex - the first time I enjoyed myself,  and the pressure of having to be a guy wasn’t so overwhelming i didnt effectively black out. he’s one of the first people i ever talked to about feeling complicated about gender, and i think by then he had figured me out, and was just letting me get the rest of the way on my own. I still couldn’t top for him, i never rly could top for anyone, even before estrogen. but we still had fun, with our hands and with our mouths. and then after that, we'd go to art shows and poetry readings and hang out again occasionally, like we talked about doing when we were literal kids, putting on rocky horror in our front rooms.

but life takes you away from people, and he got into film school, and i somehow graduated my chemistry program and moved to the US. he moved to Germany for a while, although i hear he's back home. i got married, got separated, there was a global pandemic. we hadn't talked in years, although i had snooped on him once or twice. He’s a director now - he’s made some impressive arthouse films, all horror and gender and kitchy campy cerebral themes. He’s got a big tv writing credit on the way in irish tv. Idk - it felt rly good to impress him, to say hi, to remember. it's really cool to see other trans people thriving and living life, always. anyone who cleaves reality to themselves and fashions themselves into someone they can love is someone who impresses me. but it's different when it's someone you've known for almost half your life - someone you were a fucked up kid with, not sure if either of you would make it to 18. and to be smiling at each other, looking at 30, and wondering what's next. i'm really proud of the both of us actually. and i needed that today.

[carpedzem]

questionnaire results that i didnt forget about at all

im okay so i forgot and then forgot again a few times. ANYWAY. enjoy the results!!

i cant post every written answer, so heres my favourite :)

whats your favourite animal, be as specific as possible

Peregrine Falcon

domestic cat! specifically MY cats but any cat will do

your mom

Black bear. One tried to walk into my house recently and he was really cute but I had to tell him no :( (ARE YOU OK?)

Dumbo octopus

fancy rats

honestly i’ve always been too scared to settle on one animal as a favorite, because it feels like a question with no satisfying answer. like if i had to be honest it’s probably dogs? because i’ve grown up around them, they’re an animal i like beyond just aesthetic purposes. but when you hear this sort of question, you wonder if the asker wants to hear about something exotic, some random interest that caught the interviewees eye at a young age and never left their conscious. anyways i think it’s probably house cats

rainbow trout, luzon-bleeding hearts, and horses.. dogs too

emperor penguin

any type of liddol snake. I love them so

sea sheep

Long eared Jerboa

(most people chose cat)

george (42,5%)

second place with also a lot of votes (37%)

sapnap (45,7%)

dream (44,1%)

this is my favourite question and i cant believe i misspelled it

you can put two of your mutuals against each other in a fight. who do you chose

i can’t answer this they all hate one another it’s too real. bellaya (bellaya was the most popular answer)

Lost and Kiuda. There can only be one (one of what)

Can I just give loyal a nice spa day? I'd like to give loyal a nice spa day

violence is never the answer

🤦🏻‍♂️🤣

i would fight them all myself obviously

I fear that no matter who I put here they'd just give up and make out instead

I only have two moots I joined tumblr a day ago help (i wonder how this person likes it here so far)

Nunki "demonstars" vs Nov "sueñitos" for La Velada 2024

no fighting…. sharika shakira

Gogciety v powergnf battle of the golos

im giving you a gun with only one bullet. what do you do (vent section) (while a lot of answers made me laugh a lot im gonna skip ones that can get us in trouble LMAO. but remember you made ME laugh)

Listen would killing q give us usmp back? No. Would it make me feel SO MUCH BETTER??????? YES!!!!!! (i mean obv q took like half of the shots. the other popular answer was just lining everyone)

I give it to Sapnap. He has made it clear he will kill for Dream god bless

am i given a time machine? can i shoot someone already dead? does it have to be someone reasonably killable? the answer to these questions is irrelevant because no matter what i want it to be steve jobs.

shoot at internet cable

going to british land and the first dumbass cc i see gets it

use it to open a jar because my hands are very weak and im too embarrassed to ask anyone else to open it for me

only one :(?

Lay it carefully on the ground.

hand it to George he could judge more fairly than I (and hope he doesn't shoot Sapnap)

i send the gun and bullet to the dteam house as a secret gift with a note explaining that it's for sapnap and george only, and a letter stating to pass extras to the rest of the munchy squd. if we all donate our weapons to them, they'll be able to shoot all of dream's haters. the only obstacle is dream himself, which is why he can't know what's in the box.

Give it to gnf&sapnap and watch them fight over it

(IM SORRY I FORGOR....)

top drolo 2023 - ones i forgot about

punz

hannah

puffy

bbh

squidkid

Radio statio guy

SYLVEEYYYY

illumina

me. sorryyr i dont mean that

you (im soo not BUT THANK YOU)

I think all munchies deserve this spot, theyre all the best drolos :(( i love them

powergpu guy (jesse)

george deserves it tbh for slut smp (that is true, but i excluded snf bc i was afraid they will sweep...)

shadoune

LARRAY

Lil nas X

THATS ALL. thank you everyone who took part in this AND ONCE AGAIN IM SORRY I FORGOT ABOUT IT.... ill be better next time o7

[aroace-poly-show]

hw question!

you’ve told us about the otori family dynamic in this au, so how about the rest of hw and their family? whats it like? is it different from your regular hcs for them/what little we know in canon, if so, how?

idk if you’ve already explained this but yeah-

YAYYYYY THANK YOU!!!

i wil be honest i dont think the tenma parents have changed much from how they are in canon. i think i’ve mentioned saki before too. tldr for tenma sibs saki gets worried about tsukasa but tsukasa is allergic to vulnerability especially with her cause he feels the need to be this ideal reliable big brother for her. so saki feels helpless bc of how much she *wants* to help her bother but he won’t allow her to yk. any opportunity he has to leave/redirect a conversation thats getting too focused on him and if he’s feeling bad he takes. and saki finds it frustrating as hell.

do you know that one fanart featuring rui’s mom and the caption is smth like “when you have to watch your child go through the same thing you did as a kid and there’s nothing you can do about it” yeah its that kind of feel with his parents i think. caring so much about their kid and not knowing how to help him.

i cannot remember for the life of me if nene’s parents ever show up in canon. i think its a similar thing to rui’s parents though. nene just has her mom though hashtag divorce. incorporating something from my friend’s fic though: after the Incident nene’s mom didn’t let rui see nene for a bit, saying maybe it’d be better if he give her some space. she didn’t have Bad intentions but since those two were young she’d known about rui’s reputation as a weird and dangerous kid. she heard stuff like “oh what kind of parent is she to be letting her daughter hang out with him” but she tried not to pay it any mind cause nene seemed happy with him. and then The Incident happens and she has a worse impression of him and thinks nene might be better off distancing herself from him. (*cough* contributing to rui thinking nene probably hates him bc surely nene must have told her Something that made her think rui should leave her daughter alone *cough*) when nene finds out thats why rui hasn’t been coming by her house though she is Fucking Livid. and it doesn’t cause this big argument or anything but nene now keeps away from letting her mom in on her own problems and her mom avoids interfering with nene’s life but isn’t really sure what else to do abt it. so like she’s not intentionally harmful but when she did try to help she didnt take nene’s feelings into consideration or even ask her and just did what she thought was best. so theres a bit of a distance between them? im having trouble explaining i think but i hope this makes sense

i think. that is it. but i could be wrong my brain is being weird. ty for the ask though yayayayy!!

[comfethan]

speaking of stuff i did in 2022... i bring you my (now abandoned but might actuslly be rebooted maybe) passion project...

e3 tapes

e3 tapes was an oc story i had that was honestly like. pretty nice looking back on it.

i dont know how much art of it was archived but i know most of the story and art is on my toyhouse (though the folder is now private)

either way... i bring you the story and some art of the characters.

first off- art.

this one was drawn for pride month. contains basically all the important characters except for angie.

this is E3 and Angie. theyre not protagonists but they are basically the most important characters for the story.

these are the protagonist of a side story titled "wiwi" yes its dumb. daves last name was actually changed to roberts at some point since i didnt want ppl to think of fnaf

and this is vannesa. the ACTUAL protagonist of the story, though she would be more of a player character than anything.

now for the content of the story. it was called e3 tapes bc it was inspired by analog horror... i mean it kinda was analog horror but i didnt like it at some point.

these were all on a folder titled "tapes". there is missing content.

thats about all the art i managed to find. now onto the story

copy pasted directly:

E3 johnson created a toy company with the help of his father, lucas. 

there were 2 buildings for the company, one located in the city, managed by lucas, and one located in the forest, managed by E3. 

a kid went missing on the L building, angie harris, choked to death by lucas, and followed by his disappearance. 

the 3 building was destroyed by E3 after the toys there turned to be dangerous for anything that interacts with them. the first toy that showed signs for this was emii, a plush toy whose limbs could be stretched. 

E3 tried to destroy the toys with an ax but it was too dangerous, so he trapped them underground inside the locked building with the help of his assistant, amy. 

E3 contacted joseph bossman for help investigating the missing child, and his father. joseph headed to the L building to find out what happened. 

angie asked joseph for help, but joseph refused and later told E3 about the murders, and left the whole thing behind him, cutting connections with E3. but angie wasn't done with joseph, as they later led him to them and possessed him. 

E3 decided to attempt to help the children and find his father, he went missing shortly after. 

years later, vanessa williams found an old newspaper about E3's company and a picture of her deceased father, her, her brother, and E3 from when she was very young, and decided to find the 3 building. 

in the 3 building she finds a vhs by, still "alive", E3, who claims he needs help to destroy every toy in the location. 

meanwhile, amanda watson, dave roberts and davis williams all hang out at the cafe amanda works at. 

theyve been hanging out at the A cafe every friday. since it's located at a very empty location, and there's barely any customers. 

theyre all part of a cult named wiwi. and sadly now have to deal with a possessed joseph coming their way.

AND THATS THE WHOLE THING I MANAGED TO FIND OF THIS

i KNOW theres more bc i remember it but i could not find any of it on my google drive, refsheet, or toyhouse. wich is where i kept this on the first place.

i dont know how to feel about it. im not as passionate as i was about it obviously but rebooting it could be a fun project for me. dunno.

[15ktherapy]

idk if this can help but I wanted to say I undertand you. I like dream as a cc too bc I just relate to him. I cant think the same way neurotypicals do and that lead me to sometimes have shitty actituds of being too impulsive and fuck up to inmediatly trying to fix it.

Dream did the same and just recently started to change that. I sometimes got irritated by his actitud but stopped when I saw that it was bc im the same and hated that about myself. I cant hate dream bc both he's not a criminal and also bc I just relate too much to him even on his flaws. Seeing how people talk about his behaviour just reminds me of my worst moments too. And i dont think neither you and me are wrong for relating to his flaws. Bc one thing dream teached me it's that, being annoying and sometimes a bit of a asshole it's not crime and you arent the worst human on earth at all. And finding comfort in seeing others struggle with the same as you can be healing actually.

What the 3 said today didnt change what i saw in dream, An imperfect neurodivergent young man that sometimes is a bit of a asshole and has fuck ups. And that also Dream is capable of change and seeing how people who worked recently with him or becomed friends with him recently talks, it seems he did change for the better.

And dont let what toxic fans say make you feel bad for how you feel. What was said today just tells two things 1 phil and all the adults were nice and smilling to dream but thought bad of him behind his back 2 he was a kind of shitty friend and there was not discussion about it on his face

sorry if this is too long, also don feel pressure to responde this or public it on public. I sent this as more of trying to tell you you're not alone on that feeling

I love you anon and I’m hugging you so so tight if you’ll accept it. I love you and I love myself and I love dream too. I love us for all our flaws and our mistakes and our “wrongness.” I just have a habit of ranting because I’m an angry little thing! I don’t hate myself and I never ever want to so my rage kind goes to… get this. sooociiiietyyyy.. kinda, haha. I’m an angry angry thing of a size small person, so I have my compressed stacks of resentment. All for how I’ve been treated mostly. Cuz it’s not my fault!! I know it’s not. I have a disadvantage that most people don’t and those other people make it my problem!!!! its not my problem I mess up!!!!! it’s your problem you’re so mean to me about it!!!!! so I’m still so angry cuz it’s just how I am, andsometimes I just remember my resentments where the anger stems from and I just gotta bitch about it!!! And then I do. I suppose I don’t always say the nicest things about myself but I mean it more in a “way I’m viewed” in the eyes of what I’m complaining about rather than what I actually am. And even then sometimes I’ll just like full take on some bad things about me sometimes I guess but I never hate myself for it. I am nothing but myself and myself is all I’ve got. I’m okay with that. I try not to make trouble for other people, and when I do make trouble I feel bad. but I’m not a bad person. I’m not bad and it’s not my fault fuckin. god or whatever forgot to bake in some social skills!!!!! that’s on him!!!! that’s on nature!!! that’s maybe on my parents for raising me not right, or maybe it’s on my genes. but I know it’s not on me. I try the best I can. and if people hate me for my mistakes- because I don’t “get it” or I’m not “right”— they can suck a rock because I’m Soooo Soooorry my mental illness makes youuuuuu mad. I’d like to see you try, bucko. anyway mika tip of the day is never ever hate yourself- that’s how the ominous They wins. hate the people who make you hate yourself because you were literally born with a disadvantage and they act like it’s your fault when ITSSSS NOTTTT!!!!!!!

[yasminewestbank]

all movie asks answers from the ask meme post bc it was fun

Your favorite movie released this year DIDNT WATCH ANY 2023 MOVIES YET.. CRIES

A movie you think is underrated - obliged to say An Elephant Sitting Still by hu bo bc i can never find it in dvd stores and i unfortunately honestly dont know if i will find a screening of it in a cinema available to me ever again but i dream of it

A movie you think is overrated - going to put two, one new and one classic. first one is parasite. im bitter abt this movie bc it was advertised like crazy and the reviews were so hyping and then i went and it was average. its not a bad movie but not only doesnt deserve the hype the hype ruined it for me bc if i went with the proper expectations i wouldnt have gotten so disappointed. a classic is alphaville of godard... obviously its a good movie and im sure it was groundbreaking at the time but by now the story doesnt feel as sophisticated bc this genre of story is at this point.. i wouldnt say overdone bc its still a great genre but its not fresh or suprising by now without making it more complex. this movie felt like a blueprint to the 1984 book soviet dystopia genre so it didnt keep up with the times. many classic movies are still exciting and fresh just like when they came out including other movies of godard but this isn't one of them. but i can also see how it was probably one of godard's top commercial movies, bc it was easier to digest and more basic than his other work

A movie you like but wouldn't recommend - stalker of tarkovsky and tarkovsky movies in general bc i think it would probs be boring to most ppl (its slow and not much plot) + tarkovsky movies r slow and the kind of movies u have to watch in the movie theater

A movie musical you like - annette of leox carax. and its not only a good movie the music is so good too

A horror movie you like - audition by takashi miike . love japanese violence

A sci-fi movie you like - high life by claire denis. AND it has robert pattinson in it!!!!!!!111 and hes amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A fantasy movie you like

A movie in your native language you like - Life According to Agfa by Assi Dayan. one of the only good israeli movies that exist bc i didnt see so far any good, worthwhile or complex israeli movie besides this one (not including documentaries).

A foreign-language movie you like - (i put a bunch already so ill do one in a language i didnt put yet) tori and lokita by the dardenne brothers. takes place in belgium in french about a young refugee woman and a refugee child from africa who pose as brother and sister. this is going to destroy you but its such a good movie i cant recommend it enough but i still cant recover

A movie you wish you could un-watch - the disney secretariat movie. it was so bad oh my god it was so fucking bad im in pain. i want disney to give me back the braincells i lost. this actor horse deserves so much better

A performance you think is underrated - Vicenç Altaió (yeah had to google this one) in story of my death by albert serra. his acting was insane. probably one of the best acting perfomances ive ever seen, specifically the toilet scene stuck with me. so it's a period movie about casanova. there a scene in the movie that all of it is just him taking a shit. and of course it sounds goofy but it was actually a really human and sensitive depiction and his acting was so natural i completely forgot i was watching a movie. he really made this scene what it is. and tbh i think even from those other photos u can see what i mean on him

A performance you think is overrated

A movie made better by the ending - only thing that comes up in my mind is barton fink of joel coen.. i can barely remember this movie bc i watched it years ago but (spoilers) i can just remember there was a twist in the middle that flipped the whole movie on its head and it was super enjoyable. besides this i cant think of anything

A movie ruined by the ending - the holy mountain of jodorowsky... at the time i watched it i was so disappointed by the ending it was so anticlimactic. i think he thought he did something but it just didnt work. (might be spoilers) same vibes when a story pulls "and then he found out it was all a dream". like.. in this case it just didnt feel fitting it was disappointing. but i watched it years ago so i wonder if i would feel the same now

A trilogy/franchise you like cant think of anything

A movie you never get tired of talking about - drive my car by ryusuke hamaguchi. its fun to talk abt this movie bc even tho there are a lot of themes and details that make it what it is, its not too complex to not be able to grasp and pinpoint them. so its complex enough to be a good movie but not too complex to not be able to talk abt it, both abt the good and bad things (bc there r also choices the director made that i dont like). and there's also so much to talk abt that stems from this movie not only in the movie itself but also what it shows abt japanese cinema, contemporary japanese cinema/this generation of japanese directors versus the previous generations. also i love this director in general i recc all his movies

A movie you never wanna hear about again - if i hear one more thing abt any marvel movie im going to kill myself

A movie you look forward to watching (could be an upcoming release or not) - aki karutismaki's fallen leaves that came out this year

A movie you think looks beautiful - red desert of antonioni. i adore the aesthetic of this movie. tbh its probably my favorite movie visuals wise. i just cant stop adding photos from google bc i love everything slkfdsflsfgds

A director you think is underrated - tbh hard to think of anyone.. i think any director i like got some kind of recognition, and if i think ok which one doesnt get mainstream recognition it would be basically most of them. so im trying to think.. who do i rlly think doesnt get recognition. maybe the crown should go to the photographer petra collins who actually directed the first season of euphoria before sam levinson kicked her out and claimed he did it and stole all her work

A director you think is overrated - HITCHCOCK!!!!!!! HES NOT THAT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HES TRULY NOT THAT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! I COULD PULL UP 10 DIRECTORS FROM HIS TIME AND BEFORE HIM THAT ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN HE IS THAT ARENT AS HYPED UP. godard and kurosawa made movies so much better and decades before him so the reason hes hyped cant even be that what he made was groundbreaking for the time. hitchcock is MID

An animated movie you like - the cowboy bebop movie... its so fun and satisfying to watch i watched it so many times dsfdf

A silent movie you like cant think of anything

Your favorite movie - possession by andrej zulawski. im speechless abt it. dont read a summery go into this blind. its such an insane experience (sin look my fav movie is a polish movie)

Your least favorite movie i dont rlly have one i have a whole bunch of movies i dont like but i dont have THE hated movie

[fiammee]

Hello, how are you? Hope the playing session in the last week was good!

So, for the question for this weekend since I got to listen to Jon's composition... What are you top 5 of his solo compositions and why?

Heyyyy my dear and welcome❤️ finally finished school, waiting for the final exam :)

Actually I didnt get to play on last sunday bc our teacher got sick like 30 mins before the show😭😭 hopefully hes good now and tomorrow we might play again, crazy story😵‍💫

Lets start (its always so difficult to do a good placing but lets try🥲):

5) Before I Forget

A good mix of pure rock 'n' roll, ballads and english folk/medieval music. Also his arrangement of the Bach Toccata and Fugue "Bach onto this" with Cozy Powell on drums (fantastic work of his) is so nice to listen to.

4) Gemini Suite

The "sequel" of the Concerto, with each movement based on a different member of the deeps. You can clearly see his interest in the zodiac (Gemini being his sign, and every musician that participated had their sign and birthday too!). This work stands out from the previous one obv bc Its orchestral, but also because you can feel that his music is mostly not melodic or follows an harmony, but it's "organized noise", bizarre jingles, sound effects (like percussion parts) and sound walls that are so fascinating and unconventional to me. Also his collaboration on the 3rd movement with Yvonne Elliman (really nice singer, you should check her work!). My favourite movements are Piano, Drums and Organs.

3) Sarabande

Another tribute of his love to Bach and Baroque dances (every piece maintains the name of the specific dance) where he kept the original time signatures but experimented more with the electric-acoustic interaction between instruments. Sarabande (track) is hypnotic and captivating, and Gigue has a beautiful continuous piano part that sets the rythm :)

2) Boom Of The Tingling Strings

One of his later and first orchestral-only works. If I remember correctly he got this title from a poem about a childs experience with being under a grand piano, and the thing that stands out for him is that "unexpectedly violent" sound, recalling his childhood (so cute☺️). He wrote a piano part so complex compared to his skills that got played only by a concert pianist (Nelson Goerner), so I consider this work to be also one of his most challenging, both in technique and expression; very atmospheric piece, with melancholic inspirations from the 900' revolutionary composers (take this personal view with a grain of salt: im no professional in judging correctly this kind of music😭 but the piano solo part in the middle of Allegro Giusto reminds me of the Prokofiev's War Sonatas, more precisely the 6° in A Major: again this was composed during the middle of a the 2° world war and the sovietic dictatorship, and the music perfectly shows the chaos that took place in people's minds: I've got the same "out of place" feeling with Jons music and its mindblowing for me). Altough I wrote an essay here its still too little to describe this incredible piano concerto 😌

1) Concerto For Group And Orchestra

I want to put the Concerto still on no. 1 bc of the huge impact it had both musically and socially aswell. A first approach of combining popular and élite music in 1969, a revolutionary period where the younger generations wanted to change the old post-war sistem that moved everything, so the union of young-old was visionary enough. He made this work with a strict deadline and in basically no time, probably going burnout after burnout: but he still managed to kick asses and showed his early genius to the world, making Ritchie mad enough (I bet to this very day) ❤️❤️❤️

This was a bit long, ooops🤣 but you gave me the right occasion to talk about it in a free manner, so thanksss dear💋 (I know that I have to still make a review abt your fic gal, I wish to find the proper time soon😭)

[celestie0]

ELLIEIEIEIEIE !! hi ☺️

hru bae???? good i hope?? i mean its only been a day but things happen fast yk !

bae i fear i might’ve angered the jjk fandom with this tiktok i made…. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLndcoEq/ 😓😓 LITTLE DO THEY KNOW I HAVE MORE IDEAS AHAHAAH (dont tell them i told u tho 🤫🤫)

ALSO OH MY GOD I SWEAR THE UNIVERSE HAS IT OUT FOR ME. i got covid 😭 idek how though 🫠 and i have so many upcoming plans 💔💔 I FEEL FINE THOUGH SO HOPEFULLY I’LL BE OKAY BY NEXT WEEK !!

and fr bae like leaving work, or graduating, or just leaving ppl who you care about is always so bittersweet ☹️ when i graduated i wrote my music teacher 2 letters (one from just me and one from all of the seniors) and she cried when she read them 😭 then we hugged and cried a bit more 😭 she also called me a menace for ending the one from all of the seniors with “Please don’t forget about us!” 🧍‍♀️ maybe that was a bit evil on my part but like…… a few of my friends jokingly yelled at me for it BUT IF THEY DIDNT WANT ME TO SAY THAT THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE LET ME WRITE THE LETTER.

anyway bae thats all for now 💗💗 i hope you’re doing better than i am and i love u soooo much !

much love,, your deer -🦌

(heh i stole from your pun 😆)

hiii bb i’m doing well!! got a lot of chores done today so i can chill tomorrow 😼 how are youuu?

OMG THATS A SAD TIKTOK PLS I WAS HAVING A GOOD NIGHT 😭😭 why would u DO THATT. i’m so sad i just wanna give yuuji a hug :(( he’s been through too much loss at such a young age

aaa no not covid omg i didnt know people still got that xD (im just joking bahha i saw a tiktok where someone said getting covid is so “out of style” now n i thought it was insane but kinda funny lol) i hope you feel better!! drink lots of fluids

AWW that’s such a sweet thing you did for her i bet she’ll always remember that :””) i would feel so happy if i was a teacher n my students did something like that. i baked cookies for my PI bc he really likes my cookies and he appreciate it LOL. yea goodbyes are always bittersweet

love u toooo my deerling please take care of yourself!! feel better soon <3 so much love from meeee

- ellie 🦢

[tengenscvmbvdd1]

A man? Or a boy.?

Sukana x black reader.

{~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sukana

hear me out now , As a young black female i shouldn't put myself with this, but i cant resist them pretty ass eyes of sukana... yujji and sukana both fine as hell but lets be real now.... Just sukana is more so freaky and yujji is an innocent angel, if anything, i wanted sukana.

But ever since they were able to separate Yujji and Sukana from ones body, i couldnt resist him no more. Super sexy. He didnt look like him regular self like the curse self, He look like an evil twin of yujji. I wouldve never fell for Ryomen Sukana. Never, If it wasnt for his boldness and cockiness.

" Y/n, What are you doing staring at that thing forever?" Maki had asked me, She was close to my arms but not too close to graze the skin, but she was close. " Nothing Maki, nothing i'm just curious." she gave me the most curious snd digusted look ever, "dont fall for him, King of curses, Dont fall for his shenanigans, he'll hurt u."

I look at her so fucking crazy, and i started getting upset, because 1, Dont fucking play w/ it, Anybody would want my big fatass and these hips, And also the fact that i look good asfk in these clothes? Maki b quiet. " Maki. trust he aint hurting nb." I was js annoyed with herrr cs wtffff?

Maki stared off at the midnight glow and sighed pretty hard " Well, im going to call it a night tonight y/n." i replied with " Aigh girl cs im tired as shit."

===================

Whilst me talking the walk back to my dorm, I see sukana and yujji, Gojo talking. I stand for a second, Just sight seeing ( iykwim.) Until Of course, The sourcer had to call me

"Y/N, Y/n Come over hereee for a secondd!!"

God i need to walk fasta, Cause the clothes im wearing?? I can't, Too revealing. I try walking faster away, even tho i'm tall ( IF UR SHORT THAN UR SHORT .) I can't unfortunately outwalk the three, especially not sukana. Sadly but truely the trio somehow caught up.

" Whats up Gojo, What's up Yujji!"

" Hey Y/-"

" Your gonna act like im not here?" I froze, because, it wasnt even the case, i just didnt, well fuck that is was gonna act like i couldn't. " Y/n What are u wearing at this time?! You know perverted boy will be trying to snatch u, And worse curses will yk.." Yujji said to me, Looking me up and down mostly down cause my ass cheeks were poking out these jeans shorts and especially the thong. I and my sister decided to go to the beach and we got back a couple hours ago so here i am.

I try to ignore yujji's comment but sukana ofc big mouthed bitch said, " No seriously." he laughed " Imagine all the shit i'd do."I roll my eyes and a slight blush came across my face, Probably not even noticeable bcs of my melanin glow, But i proceed to say, " Sukana, Please try and be a grown man instead of a lil ass boy, Try nd have sum fucking respect nigga, Cs i respect u and your dumbass."

Sukana didn't say anything, But the look in his eyes said enough, It was a glow almost. But genuinly i was scared, Cs it just slipped out, I've always wanted to be treated right, my pops couldnt do that, So i look for it in every man i've dated or tried to associate with and most have been children. I beg for somebody to treat me right and i look idiotic.

" Goodnight lil ass boy."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Morning time. I get up,shower, Eat, Brush my teeth, Do my hair, skincare and then, i put my lipgloss and lashes on and call it a day. It's about 8 am as of now, And i start studying for an exam, These notes, EXHASTION. I feel overwhelmed as it is y'all. Last thrusday, I was supposed to have a date with this cute Cubano, comes out i got ditched, Of course. I cried in Gojo's and yujji's arms FOR HOURS. But they love me sooooooo it was fine, that they shirts looked like white rags, But guess what, Whole time sukana was over here fucking eyeing me, Looking me up and down, but then again i remember the dress i wore, i had thongs on, pink ofc, and my hair was combed out into an afro and i have lip liner and mascara and gloss on, but i wear lashes now because when i cry they dont smear. I dunno he js hates me when all i want from sukana is to be thrown on the bed and fucked to tears but not by a boy, by a man. Sukana is old as hell, We all know that, I'd think he'd be grown and mature, but he's worse than a 15 year old in heat.

Sukana Pov

" Sukana, Please try and be a grown man instead of a lil ass boy, Try nd have dum fucking respect nigga, Cs i respect u and your dumbass."

What the fuck is going on. A little boy? Really? i'm a grown ass man, I have killed many, And this bitch calls me a lil ass boy? She doesn't even know how i'd handle her and those tight ass jean shorts? She wants to see a man? She wants a man to treat her? I know how to treat women, but Y/n doesnt understand, I'm restraining everything not to pounce on her, i want her, but the fact that she thinks just because i tease her means anything that i hate her? i know she likes me, i just know, and i wanna please her badly but as a curse, i shouldnt interact with her.

But of course, something is now pushing me to knock on her door. I'm not nervous, Too prideful for that, I know my motive right here at her door. Im gonna confront her fucking ass since shit funny and imma show ha ass rn how a man treat a bad bitch cs she think issa joke?

" Hollon shi, I'm changing."

Fuck, She's changing rn, i should just barge in, but i'm better than that. I hear footsteps and running through the house, and i hear the door of her dorm lock, Everything slows down now, I dee her, She doesnt have lashes on, It's mascara, Lipgloss and a pink stanley in her hand, Her hair, Curly, Long, And it's long and down her back.

" Sukana what the fuck are u doing here, Get the fuck on somewhere."

I stare a bit longer until i respond shortly, " Y/n, Let me in the fucking dorm room, right fucking now. We needa talk.."

The clothes. A big ass white tee, Thats off the shoulder, Showing her tatted shoulder, It says, " Curase en salud."

her panties, on the back say, " Fuck hole." that must be printed or sum, but their like bikini panties. Her ass is plumped as fuck.

Y/n's pov

" Y/n, Let me in the fucking dorm room, right fucking now. We needa talk.."

" Sukana, no, Ur fucking crazy get ou- Euhp-."

Sukana pushed passed me and took my waist in his hands, and pushed me close to him and said.

" why tf u call me a lil ass boy hm?" I play a smirk on my face, Trying to shave the fear out of me and the excitement, " I call it how i see it." His eyes were furious, lustful, and passionate. " Let me prove to you, i'm a man y/n, I shouldnt have to prove myself to someone younger than me by so much, but i can prove this to u, that i am a man."

I felt his bulge right on my crotch. Growing really though, I didnt really say nun back, I couldn't, He was squeezing my ass so tight, My tits shining on his chest, because the off the shoulder tee was really low. " Sukana please, Just leave ." I plead, I never actually thought, Sukana ryomen, Would be in my dorm, gripping my ass, and having my tits so bunched together til now, He was just a dumb little cru-

" I was just a dumb little crush?...."

His eyes glowed with the low light, and i tried to not be turnt on by me and him in my dorm, I'm trying to release myself from his grip but genuinely dont want to leave his hands, But i'm fighting him, but he's not budging, At all, I'm sorry maki but imma end up giving it up. Been a virgin til now and msybe it's time to say bye.

" y/n stop fighting it right now, You want it, i want it, You want me to prove to you i can be a man, and imma show you ri now, All them tim's u go crying to gojo, me and yujji, over some lames, i think, if i had a chance at that, m's gonna fuck that shit up, let me fuck it up, let me treat u.

i finally stop fighting, And now i look him dead in his eyes and i say, " U cant handle shit lil boy."

His eyes stopped wondering and looked me dead in the eyes, His eyes blazing with anger, and his mouth agaped, Showing thode terrifying canines.

" fuck that shit."

He dives straight for my lips, no hesitation at all, We're kissing and i havent melted into the kiss until i can feel the hunger behind the kiss, He gripping my ass, Enough to give me a mark. He pulls back, Taking his hand thats free and wipes my swollen lips, and announces, " Too damn beautiful not to get fucked like a slut tonight y/n."

He throws me over his shoulders, And slaps my ass hard, " Aiiii Sukana, put me down ! ." I start punching his back until i feel another hard slap, " AIII OKAY OKAY, I'll stop."

We find my bedroom, Or he finds it, And He throws me on the bed. My shirt lifted, my legs exposed, and my panties on display, i already feel my pussy damped super damped, i want him.

he slowly crawls ontop of me, His knee position at my entrance, and he starts kissing and nibbling my neck, and he's rubbing my sides, I'm not moaning until he finally puts pressure on my clit, " Arghh sukana, please, we cant, i'm Mngh-, Human, and AH ! Curse."

He shakes his head as he makes his way down my chest and starts by taking. a boob and making me nibble and nibble on my nipple, and the moaning is never ending because he's messing with me as of now, Because he'll put pressure on my clit than take it off and kiss my nipple and suck, He starts to grip my waist tighter, And now he's biting and kneeing my pussy and pressuring my waist, I feel a bit overwhelmed m... but since im a virgin, I didn't know this feeling but i hsd a little knowledge of how my pussy works.

" Sukana, m' gonna cum."

" No ur not, Are u fucking serious, You're not even senstive yet, you cum when i say cum."

I stop for a minute to see who he is talkikg about and i say, " Boy who tf are u- ARGH!! MGNH!."

I didn't notice, Sukana put my panties to the side and started Using his fingers, This was new, At least from someone else, It was new, i felt myself start to yell even louder, His fingers were moving at a intense speed, And as my orgasm was coming up, He stopped.

" 'ukana why baby, please let me cum..."

He started lowering himself lower and lower, Until all i can see is his beautiful pink hair. I feel him insert 2 fingers, and 2 on the other hand, And curl them. Y'all i hollered, Loudly.

" AHHHH."

Then a suctioning on my clit, it was his mouth, He was sucking it up. This only lasted a few seconds until, I got senstive and i started closing my legs and when i closed them tight, His head was the only thing in between them.

" Hey baby, lets keep'em opened for me?"

" senstive."

He looked annoyed as i look down and this time, He snaps my legs open with his hands, He strechs my legs wide and continues to suck my pussy raw and tight,, I started tighening around his fingers, Hard, and i started moaning uncontrollably and shaking, My legs ached tho becaude their was sukana, Fuck my clit and pussy so good. " kuna gunna cum..."

" no i stg if u cum, i gonna ruin u... dont fucking cum or i'll leave u here without an orgasm and let me come back and find out u fucked this pretty pink cunt, i swear will fuck everything up around u y/n, Do not fucking cum 'til i say, I know u can do it, you've wanted this, U and ur pretty pink cunt, so take it."

it's been forever since i been told what to do and i listened, Only my mama can geg me to shut up but sukana is handling my shit so well, i cant stop moaning it feels so overwhelming, the next thing i know is sukana stops finger fucking me and he looks at me snd my cunt and he smirks and he sees the mascara falling out of with my tears.

Sukana

My belt and pants. removed. her panties ripped. dick hard.

" be gentle pls.."

" nah, b a lil slut nd take this dick."

I pound inside of her, Fast, She screamed my name, and as i thrust i can feel js how tight her pussy truly is.

Though i am going way to far with it, i can't stand being called a lil ass boy? I'm a grown ass man. I throw my head back a little while beating her shit, i look down to see the lewd scene of the blood trickling down, This doggy style does no justice either but she looks so nice arching for me.

" FUCK!!! 'kuna, 'kuna , 'kuna, I'm cumming, i'm cumming."

nah

" Hell nah, No u not."

I wanna see her squirt, imma hold out for a lil, Making surr her pussy is tight and overstimulated, sentive. She starts shaking under my touch and my cock sliding in and out, but i just watched her with a burning glare to her head. She definitely knows better

She starts struggling a bit to keep up now, Her body is failing her as she falls, My arms not longer securing her.

She falling under my touch...

" ryo... please let 'm cum, i'm beggi- nghn, please."

Her legs suddenly eventually start failling, So i hook my hands under her butt, Turn her around while gripping her ass, Now i got her pinned against the door getting fucked in my hands, Her breath seeming a bit off, Shes been holding it in for a while i assumed. She finally starts tapping my chest like me and her are in a boxing rink and finally she says, " Im fk'in sorry for AGRH!! Calli- Mghn- u a FUCK, Lil boy, Jus' let m' cum."

creampie immediately. She knee as soon as my thighs clenched. I nutted in her. fuck.

" so u sorry now."

"....yes i am."

I grin to myself knowingly. i won.

I started making my way out, When she grabs my arm and says, " Kuna... what does this make us."

" friends?"

she stares at me like im crazy, but ik im not?? " What the fuck, U cant just fuck me crazy and then leave?" Oh but i can baby.

" well then earn my heart lil ass girl ."

[obxsprincess]

heyy girl, how are u? i know ive been kinda missing but i might need your advice on something bc im very confused and unsure (and my friends are being kind of unhelpful bitches lol

So, im in college right? and theres a lot of fraternities around, and I met this guy, a friend of a friend, and he lives in a fraternity.

So far so good right? We kinda flirted with each other for a few days until a party last night where we finally hooked up (i was drunk but everyone said it was pretty hot :)) but i had to leave bc my roomate was very sick so i never got to talk to him abt anything else basically. And my friend said tomorrow they'll have a small party to celebrate a bday on that fraternity, and everyone keeps saying i should lose my virginity to this guy (ik shocking im a virgin), but the thing people dont understand is that i get attached very quickly and to me our kiss basically locked in, so im kinda nervous ill get attached and he wouldnt want anything serious w me

Reading it back it feels kinda dumb but specially for people on campus and SPECIALLY on fraternities is very rare for u to get kinda together w someone so quick, so I DUNNO WHAT TO DO

- 💋

hiii babes, ofc ofc im always here to help!! and remember not even my opinion should persuade you into anything, cus I can only go off of my own experiences with virignity loss and hook ups 💞 but I hope my insights helpful!!

I lost my virginity at 16 back in high school (a long time ago and not at all saying ur guy is like this ! cus he probably isnt! especially cus hes an adult so I hope to fucking hell he isn’t) and it definitely happened very fast and quick, texted for a few days, made out, and then met up to have sex. in summary it ended with my nudes being leaked around the school and almost a felony on my name (for sending them?) but the thing ive took out of it (and only reason for the story, im srry cus I was so young so it might seem weird to include) n held close is to remember trust is one of the most important parts of sex really! because your putting your pleasure and body into someone elses hands, but also your emotional trust because sex is so much more than just getting physical for a few minutes, and its important to remember that the lingering thoughts shouldn’t ever be negative, or the guy broke the trust you put in him. truly the after sex reaction is just as important as being taken care of during. in my experience, because I didnt know the guy well, I went into it blind not knowing what I total asshole he was.

and trust, in my eyes, means knowing you’ll be treated right afterwards no matter what, even without a relationship basic aftercare if the bare minimum. and to me it doesn’t seem like you are convinced he’ll do that for you ! so pls pls be careful 💞 who knows ! he might be an amazing guy but if you arnt ready to take that step yet, don’t ! because the good ones are always willing to wait. I would say text him/talk to him in person if you have to too. because and I’m hoping not but you never know, his and your friends might have ‘talked’, and sex might be on his mind too. so if you feel comfortable, get on the same page with him with whatever you decide angel !! you deserve to lose your virginity and be glowing afterwards, its so much better than regretting it 💗 whether u choose to get to know him better or lose your virginity to him, stay safe bby and use safety <3 (pls make sure to discuss possible STD history on his side too btw !)

hope this helped a little love, love you and never let anyone pressure you please, cus fuck that

[magnoliamyrrh]

You don’t have to answer if too invasive but how did you find out your father did what he did? I’d think a toddler would be too young to remember

naw its ok. maybe itll be of some use to someone lol. so uh. yea. rly wasnt easy to figure this shit out or to accept it + going through all that weird normalized balkan shit rly made it a lot harder to figure out what the hell was what. as i said in that other post a whole bunch of symptoms made me v unsettled and suspicious of things since i was idk in my early teens, like, ive had utis and bad vaginal and anal pain since forever/ive been hypersexual to the point of feeling like a crazed bitch in heat. since forever. or very sex repulsed/sadomasochism otherwise v fucked up trauma kinks/nightmares/ general anxiety around physical and sexual intimacy/actually mortifying fear of the dark when i was younger, like, abnormal level/weird fucking triggers - like im still freaked out by cameras to this day, i always feel like im being watched especially when theres a camera somewhere, and i used to have v nasty reactions to ppl wanting to take photos of me when i was younger/weird feeling that all i was good for was to b little more than a sex slave for men - despite being a lesbian and having no interest in males/weird relationship w money/intense dissociation/utter disgust and fear around men etc etc etc technically. most of these could just b the result of the other stuff. technically kinda. except in my case it was to such an extent that tbh it uh wouldnt fully explain it frankly, not from what i remember which is most of it

on one hand yes most ppl tend to not remember their early childhoods much.but ehhhhh. many nontraumatized ppl do actually remember a lot. and some of us who are traumatized do. predators often target rly young kids bc they think they wont remember but its not rly a guarantee. i. have cptsd. and osdd/did lol so, uh, brain and grasp on memory and time rly isnt normal. before i feel down a trauma spiral and my psyche cracked once and for all, there were whole chunks of my childhood i couldnt rly remember. i still have a lot of gaps. a lot of it is still blurry and a lot of it i still dont remember... hell, shit feels blurry plenty of times in day to day life.. having a fractured psyche comes w sometimes not remembering much of anything and feeling rly detached from the trauma (and.. reality), and other times feeling like youre drowning in it

uhm, when i first started getting more memories back or flashbacks or my dissociating got worse at around 17/18 it was rly scary and confusing....i was back in romania and something must have triggered me bad idk. and i tried to just go back to repressing all of it but it didnt rly work, not that time. it was such a sickening and deeply unsettling feeling, i felt as if some dam in my mind had finally cracked and i was drowning in insanity. as time went by more of them came and some stuff was harder to deny. i also.. idk. a sick curiosity got the better of me and i went poking around in my brain in the places i perhaps shouldn't have - a bit later on at 18-19 when i started doing psychedelics, and that also rly just.. opened up my brain more idk and connected parts of it which werent connected before. which was partially horrifying and partially, im very thankful for

but uhm. it was many things that i started to put together little by little. the whole thing ended up coinciding w having to admit that i do actually have osdd/did which was.. hard. you dont end up with that severe sort of dissociative disorder and mental fragmentation without a.. certain level of repeated early childhood trauma. and despite all the plenty of other shit i went through, the stuff i knew of didnt ... fully explain it.. uhm. theres a part of me, alter, who vhemently hates my father. like a rabid dog, worse actually bc she leans into just sadistic want to see and feel him suffer actually. dont blame her. and just... at best severly distrust and dislikes men, in general. i think that was one hint lmao and uh.. she remembers more than i tend to about things anyway. others trauma holders and a persecutor alter remember more than i do too, and i dont envy them. some of them have always had a particular fixation on the being prostituted thing which i never rly understood or could put together from just the "regular" family stuff before.. getting to have more of a relationship and communication and understanding w them and breaking down some of the mental barriers and dissociating between us helped... v much still an ongoing process

and uh, i age regress pretty hard, or i have alters younger than this body is, or both frankly. generally agreed upon that the age(s) of said alters is the age(s) at which some trauma happened.. uhm, its actually kind of a whole other fucking nightmare to deal with but i guess u learn to live w it over time and try to make the best of it... uhm. so. because of that theres actually parts of my childhood which id say i remember better than most ppl, bc its like theres an open wound in my psyche back to those times.... sometimes i feel a lot more connected to that time frankly than the current time here. the earliest my memory stretches back is around 2 yrs old, and i remember plenty of scattered things from later on. some of it is trauma stuff, some of it is not..... i try to make the best out of the stuff which isnt. though it does actually rly fucking suck and make you feel insane to have some of ur earliest memories be. sexual stuff... and to know that shit was happening before you could ever remember.... uhm. a lot of the more severe sexual trauma kinda is like this other trauma during that time. when i was 2 i was bitten by a dog and had my hand ripped open - it rly was my fault, i was bothering the stray... i dont remember being bitten, nor the stitching up and rabies shots. but i have the scar on my hand to prove it, and i remember the moments before i was bitten, i remember the dog...... hm. i remember when i was two, i had spend some weeks or so down south with my father and his family. i have my suspicions of what happened but when i got back from them, i had such a mortifying fear of.... something. the dark. being alone. males. something, idk, something, all of it, that id get so scared and so freaked out that id just lose it, feeling such a severe level of terror that id just vomit bc i dont think my body could handle any of it. that i do remember, not pleasant nor particularly normal... for the most part the first memories and sensations and flashes i started getting back werent of the worst or most violent shit... uhm and those already made me suspicious even when they were more blurry and i couldnt remember much, and over time i just started putting two and two together and getting more of a sense of why i have/had certain triggers and nightmares and reactions and such..... a lot of times it feels like having to play detective for your own damn life. i still dont remember a lot of the worst shit. but by now i remember... enough. i remember enough, as hazy and fragmented as it may be at times, i remember much more than i ever fucking wanted to, enough that its undeniable... uhm. and also. that shit didnt end when i was a toddler, rather started then or.. god knows when it fucking started... but i dont really know how old i was when it ended. i left the country when i was 10, that i do know. its all still too fragmented for me to have any sense of, but, i do know it went on till i was older too, bc i remember some of that stuff as well

[danothan]

dw you didnt sound dismissive at all!! sorry for the autism moment frankly i do not know how to be concise

to be totally clear im not a "holds comics/specific runs sacred" kind of person either 😭 i have fun with the young justice show (honestly . was the first thing i saw kon in, and how i immediately fell in love with his character) even if i question the way it handled him and megs characters + relationship (i will not spoiler<3)

i absolutely also gravitate towards characters with anger so when i first saw kon in yja i was enamoured with him and i 100% get loving him as a standalone because i did and still do 😭 yja kon is Why i like kon so much now

i was rly approaching ur tags like u weren't familiar with him so im sorry for that assumption off the bat </3 and i was more focusing on how the design was reflective of writing choices that Influenced the show. i will say that comics kon is also a hot head whos dealing with shit esp in his 90s run (sb94 + yj98) and he is just. in general a fun character to read when hes being a little cocky abt it. so i do recommend reading his early stuff if he interests u :] bc hes a fun little guy whos lives in the head no matter what his iteration is

i want to say sorry if it sounded dismissive of Your little guy also 😭 i slapped the bit abt the show kon on the end bc it felt related to the general writing direction hed been going thru in the 00s (which is to say, being spearheaded by a misogynistic homophobe) LOL but to be so honest i do Like him i just have. thoughts and feelings abt the show that i got before i even read anything kon was in. im honestly on season 4 of it rn <3 i wish u luck on your rewatch

<- im a "has fun with the dcamu and video games and other adaptions of the comics and finds worth in them" kind of person anyhow ^_^ i think the fun of dcs bazillion earths and stuff is that many things abt a character can be true at once and people can find what they like in certain iterations and play frankenstein. i like. genuinely wholeheartedly agree that the comic cynicism is soul crushing lmfao 😭

ps. the cadmus tag -> earring thing haunts me every day......... i simply get so attached to his writing and how you can read transness in it<3

erm. have a good daynight<3333 sorry for a second essay

nah i appreciate the info, i don’t think i’m ever gonna shed that newcomer feel i have as a dc fan no matter how deep i dive, so better safe than sorry! this is rly teaching me a lot abt the character anyhow, so net win regardless 👍

glad to hear his hot-headedness is a constant too, it’s odd bc i don’t rly resonate with angry characters personally, but i get SO defensive abt them when ppl act like anger isn’t a legitimate and sympathetic trauma response. i have a feeling that that’s gonna apply here too

another thing i’m getting a lot here is that Smth Fucked Up is gonna happen to conner and m’gann’s relationship, and i do Not remember that when i first watched it, so that’s uh. smth to look forward to haha

i hope to get a fuller picture of the guy some day, here’s to frankensteining comic characters 🥂

[rillils]

RILS IVE JUST FINISHED MERLIN SEASON 2

AND I AM SOBBING

I REPEAT

I AM SOBBING

TEARS ARE RUNNING DOWN MY EYES EVER SINCE MERLIN TOLD HIS DAD THAT HUNITH WAS HIS MOM

AND I AM CRYING SO MUCH OH MY GOD

AND ALSO, SOMETHING THAT GETS ME SO SAD FOR SOME REASON IS

WHEN ARTHUR WAS GOING TO FIGHT THE DRAGON OUT ON THE FIELD AND ASKED THE KNIGHTS THAT THEY COULD LEAVE AND BE FINE OR THEY COULD COME WITH A PROB 99% CHANCE OF DYING

AND MY BOYS, MY MOST PERFECT, MOST NOBLE, MOST HONORABLE BOYS, THEY ARE KNIGHTS FOR A REASON RILLLSSSSS THEY GAVE UP THEIR LIVES FOR CAMELOT AND I AM GONNA GO CRY AND KMS BRB 😭😭😭

i am typing this with tears running down my eyes excuse me

MERLIN SHOWING THE DRAGON MERCY AND PROMISING TO KILL HIM IF HE EVER COMES BACK IS AMAZING I LOVE HIM FOR THAT

also, lets go back a few episodes

THAT EPISODE WHEN MORGAUSE HAD SHOWN ARTHUR HIS MOTHER

WHEN MERLIN COULDVE HAD ARTHUR KILL UTHER WHILE THINKING THAT MAGIC CAN BE A GOOD THING

BUT INSTEAD HE CHOSE TO LIE AND SAY THAT MAGIC WAS BAD BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT ARTHUR WOULDVE HAVE REGRETTED THAT DECISION, THAT ARTHUR WOULD NEVER HAVE HAD FORGIVEN HIMSELF FOR IT

MY BABIESSSSS 😭😭😭 MY BOYSSS 😭😭 MY SWEET SWEET BOYSSS

MERLIN BABY 😭😭😭

YOU ARE STILL SO YOUNG AND YOU HAD SUFFERED SO MUCH. AND FOR WHAT?? BECAUSE OF MAGIC?? HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG?? WHAT WAS IT THAT MADE MAGIC SO WRONG IM GONNY CRY AMD JUMP OF A CLIFF

THEY DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG

id say more things but im too busy crying to even make my brain work

I NEED A HUG 😭😭😭

SWEETHEART 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I feel for you, I really do, honey 🥺🥺😭😭 I remember all too well what a trainwreck of emotions season 2 was!!! The episode with Morgause, when Merlin amd Arthur shared their memories of the parents they had lost, and it was such a beautiful and soft moment 🥺🥺 And then Merlin sacrificing his chance to have a normal life and not having to hide his magic anymore, because he cared too much about Arthur and he didn't want Arthur to have his own father's blood on his hands 😭😭😭😭😭😭 AND LATER, ARTHUR THANKING HIM FOR MAKING HIM SEE THAT MAGIC IS EVIL AND DANGEROUS 😭😭😭😭😭 I'M CONVINCED NOW, OUR BOY MERLIN JUST KEEPS PULLING STUNTS LIKE THIS BC HE LOVES TO MAKE US CRY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THE KNIGHTS!!!!!!!! The knights being 10000000000% ready to die by Arthur's side because they're so fucking loyal and they love him so much 😭😭😭

AND AND AND Merlin's dad??!?!?!?? The fact that they were robbed, YET AGAIN, of the time they could have had together, it just breaks my heart 😭😭 And I think- it's been a while since I rewatched the show, but I think this was also when Arthur was trying to comfort Merlin in his own way, and told Merlin that "no man is worth your tears" while Merlin was helping him put his armour on?? Without realizing that the man in question was Merlin's dad and that Merlin had had to watch him die 😭😭😭😭😭😭 THIS SHOW, I FJUKCNIG SWEAR AJFHSKHFKDLJDK

Baby I'm just, just sending you all the hugs in the entire world, okay, all of them 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 Please be strong, sweetie 🥺😘😘😘💖💖💖💖💖