#but like I said I was already sort of androgynous before so it's not like a major visible difference

[vamptastic]

It's kinda hard to tell bc I haven't really been out and about much but I do think I'm now at the point where trying to pass as a cis woman is a bit harder than trying to pass as a man. Which is kind of annoying because passing as man is still not super easy. Now if I want to go to the store I have to put on a binder to avoid being hatecrimed instead of only doing so in situations where I actually care what people think of me. But it's nice seeing that passing as male is more within reach and that in a few years and post-top surgery it won't be quite so insurmountable.

[fixing-bad-posts]

Heya, I really really hope this doesn't come off as particularly rude, but I was wondering, why would bisexual women be considered lesbians sometimes and I think you also brought up transgender men and genderqueer ppl? For bisexual women, I just am kinda confused, they can be in lesbian relationships and lesbian spaces, but just describing them as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction at least from where I've always heard it, so wouldn't it be kinda confusing. And for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn't that just bring their genders closer to feminine and at least from what I've heard from some pple I know, they don't like non binary being seen as more womanly (I've heard it being described as woman-lite before annoying) and instead seen as a more inbetween which it sometimes isn't, because of bigotry and other things since nbs can be both fem or masc or androgynous, but wouldn't non woman lesbians kinda push it to be seen as kinda more fem or that person as more fem? I don't know and frankly I'm just kinda confused. I'm really really sorry that this probably comes off as super rude and I hope you forgive me. I frankly just want to learn a little more and have been reading up but wanted to know what you thought. And I just realized how long this was, so so sorry

hello anon! these days, i usually don’t answer asks like these because i’ve already done so several times, but you seem very well-meaning and confused, so i’ll do my best to help. first of all, please check my faq for resources and links about mspec labels and bi lesbians.

second of all—generally—here is my advice for when you encounter a queer label that confuses you:

1) literally just ignore it until you...

2) meet someone in your life who uses that label, at which point you might (respectfully) ask them what using that label means to them specifically, and why it’s important. i’ve done this in real life. the script is something like,

“it’s really cool to get to talk to someone in real life about this stuff—if i may ask, what does identifying as [insert label] mean to you, personally?”

you might also say,

“i’ve never met someone who identifies with [their label] before. would you mind giving me some pointers on the important things to keep in mind in order to respect your identity/make sure you feel respected by me?”

i’ve also never asked anyone to correct me if i mess up and say something rude, but i’m working on the confidence and charisma to be able to say that, because i owe that to others.

all of that said, i wanted to respond to some of your specific questions, and clarify a couple of things below the cut. to clarify:

1. “describing [bisexual women] as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction”. to be clear i am not the one describing bisexual women as lesbians, in this hypothetical situation. when i post about bi-lesbians, i am posting in support of people who—for whatever reason—chose that label for themselves. what i am not doing: advocating to redefine the classically understood definition of lesbian for the entire populous.

2. “wouldn’t it be kinda confusing”? yes! i understand it can be confusing, and i commend you for expressing your confusion instead of reacting in disgust or anger. there are so many things in the queer community that are confusing, even to me, and you don’t need to feel guilty for asking questions as long as you come from a place of genuine curiosity. being confused isn’t bad, and defining yourself in a way that confuses others is, likewise, no transgression.

3. “for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn’t [identifying as a lesbian] just bring their genders closer to feminine […] wouldn’t non woman lesbians […] be seen as kinda more fem”? the answer is: sort of. it depends entirely on how and why the person using this label came to these words. you wrote, “i’ve heard from some pple i know, they don’t like non binary being seen as more womanly”, and i have definitely also heard that! so, for people who feel that way, they probably wouldn’t want a label that evokes womanhood and/or aligns them with femininity assigned to them. but every person is different—so for some nonbinary people, they absolutely do not want to be seen as “woman-lite”, whereas for other nonbinary people, they might want to be seen closer to femme than masc, while still nonbinary. this goes back to what i said at the beginning: best practice is to ask the people in your life how they want you to respect them.

closing thoughts: i hope this clarified some things, but i understand that the topic may still be confusing—feel free to message me if you want a non-judgmental queer to talk things through with. i promise i’ll take you in good faith <3

[fanmoose12]

Hello 🤎

Dropping by your ask box to say how much I enjoy and love your works! You're so precious to the Levihan community and I can't get enough of your stories.

If you still take prompts (no pressure though if you don't or if you don't like the prompt or if you already wrote something similar), I'd like to read a story set in High School AU.

Against all odds Levi, the most popular student/amazing athlete/gorgeous boy asked Hange, the four-eyed/androgynous/nerdy/dirty/brilliant genius he barely knows to prom. The story can be either how/why he asked Hange and what were their reaction (and the other students reaction) or what happens on prom night when he picks a dolled up Hange up at their house and when they enter the ballroom together.

Thank you 🤎

Hange is nearly convinced they're hallucinating. Imagining things that aren't real, cannot be real. Projecting their own desires and confusing them with reality.

That's the only logical conclusion they come to, well - one of two only logical conclusions. The second one... Hange doesn't want to even think about it. It makes them feel uncomfortable, like all their insides are sticky and they're about to puke.

But Levi, the star of the school's football team and the most gorgeous boy Hange has ever laid their eyes upon, would never do that, would he? Despite his status and reputation, he's not like all the other popular kids from their school, those who make a hobby out of mocking Hange. Sure, he only exclusively addresses them as four-eyes, but that- appears nearly affectionate, compared to the nicknames that Hange receives from other students.

Levi may seem scary, what with all his scowling and nearly constant brooding, but, underneath it all - he's kind. At least, that's how Hange thinks of him. And they have enough proof of that - like that time, when Levi helped them carry all their books from the library or that one time, when he stepped in for them, when a couple of girls were making fun of them (sure they could have defended themself just fine, but- Levi’s deed was nothing if admirable, and- Hange was growing sick of spending most of their afternoons in the detention).

But what if all these incidents were just an accident? What if Levi is not as kind as he appears? What if their crush on him tinted their vision and turned them to reality?

What if what Levi just said to them wasn't a hallucination, nor a projection, and Hange did hear everything correctly? What if Levi saw right through them, took note of their very obvious crush on him and decided to pull a cruel joke on them?

Hange doesn't know what they'd do if that turns out to be true. They can't even figure out how they feel about it - are they ashamed, angry or just hurt?

Perhaps, for the first time in their life, Hange can't find their voice. Words escape them, all rational thoughts scattering from their mind. So they say nothing, do nothing, and just stare at Levi, hoping that he - in a true hallucination fashion - would vanish before their eyes.

But he does not.

He stares back at Hange, his eyes slightly narrowed, as though he tries to find some sort of an answer on their face. A bit passes, then two, then- when Hange is nearly ready to burst into hysterics - Levi sighs and reaches for his backpack.

He stands up from the cozy spot under a tree that Hange usually spends their lunch breaks at, and turns his head sideways with what Hange would assume was shame, if they weren't so bewildered by the whole ordeal.

"Sorry," he murmurs, so softly that Hange almost misses it. "For taking up your time, and... you know."

No. Hange does not, in fact, know. So, just as Levi turns away, they reach out to him and grab him by the end of his sleeve.

"Wait!" they exclaim, surprised at how breathless their own voice sounds. They weren't running, they hardly even moved, then why their heart beats so fast? And why does it feel like all air was sucked out of their lungs? Hange doesn't bother pondering on it, they have a far more pressing matter, because it seems - they feel - like the impossible conclusion was actually the correct one. "You really mean it?" they ask Levi. "This whole... prom thing?"

Levi gives them a look - the one they know all too well, the one that makes him look like a ferocious cat and never fails in making Hange smile. "What, you thought I was joking?"

"Well..." Hange trails off, trying very hard to stop themself from bursting into a fit of nervous laughter. They fail spectacularly at that, however, and start snickering into the palm of their hand. Levi's scowl, they note from the corner of their eyes, grows more pronounced as they do so. "I did actually think that."

Levi clicks his tongue that quite effectively diverts Hange's attention from the blush that begins to rapidly spread across his face. "Either you're an idiot, four-eyes, or you think I'm a complete jerk."

Hange decides to not dignify that with a reply - they do not consider themself to be an idiot, quite the opposite actually, but at the same time - they do feel a bit stupid for thinking so lowly of Levi.

"Well, since you mean it," they say, giving Levi their most charming smile. "And, apparently, have been rejected so many times that I'm your last chance, I guess... I can take pity on you."

"Wow," Levi deadpans. "You're generous, four-eyes. And also- wrong."

"Huh?" Hange tilts their head to the side, frowning. "How so?"

"You aren't my last chance. You-" Levi does it again - turns away, hiding his face from them. "You are my first choice."

Oh.

Hange's heart reacts funnily to a quiet confession - it misses a single beat, then starts hummering in their chest. Warmth spreads throught their body, and they absentmindedly wonder - is that the feeling of the famed butterflies they're experiencing right now?

The romance books they've skipped through out of boredom a couple of times didn't lie then. It is spectacular.

Does Levi feel the same? Is it why he asked them out? Does Hange- make him feel as giddy?

It's the only logical conclusion they come to, and so, Hange smiles - widely, joyfully.

They stand up, shorten distance between themself and Levi and put a hand onto his shoulder. They catch the baffled look on his face, before he once again tries to turn away.

Hange doesn't let him, though, not until they plant a kiss onto his cheek.

Levi makes a sound then - something between a sigh and a gasp, and with utter fascination Hange watches how desperately he tries to appear unaffected. He furrows his eyebrows, he gives them his famous dark look, but all his efforts go in vain, as his cheeks begin to rapidly gain color.

Hange's pretty sure it's the most adorable thing they've seen in their entire life.

"I'll be looking forward to our date!" they say, a bit cheekily. The most popular boy of their school has asked them out, after all. They have every right to feel a bit arrogant.

They reach out to Levi's hair, and - shocked that he hasn't pushed them away right away - grow bold enough to ruffle it. 

Huh. 

His hair is as soft and pleasant to the touch as Hange always imagined it to be.

Briefly, they wonder what else Levi would allow them to do - would he let them go for a hug? But they dismiss that thought immediately, it's not the time to push on the boy's boundaries, not yet.

They'll have plenty of opportunities during prom night. 

So, they simply squeeze his arm this time, and move to walk past him. They don’t get far enough, before they hear a quiet, impossibly soft, “I’ll be looking forward to it too.” 

And just like that - the butterflies return. And with one last glance at Levi, Hange knows - it's not the last time that they experience that feeling.

[luvrbunni]

i was a loserboy a back in early college days. had a friend who was androgynous and transitioned midway thru freshman year that i was down bad for but he had a girlfriend. well she broke up with him when he came out cause she "wasn't interested in dating a dude." cut to us hanging out more, he said he was only interested in women and I respected that, but like, I was down atrocious. one night while just asking each other dumb questions while drinking I confessed to having not gotten past chaste kisses. he laughed and told me that was sad, I told him i knew, and he then told me we could fix that. i was so confused/excited i just let out a "huh?" and he just smirked and straddled me and kissed me. I immediately moaned and bucked against him as he grinded into me. my hands went along his sides down his binded to his hips and held him against me. we furiously made out for a bit and then he got up quickly and dropped his shorts while just saying "Off" so at the same time I scrambled to get my jeans past my legs before he grabbed my cock and while looking me in the eye slid me all the way end. ending with a very pleased MmmMMm before closing his eyes and just rocking back and forth. he took my hand down to play with his tdick while he continued slowly riding me and i sputtered that I was gonna cum already and he kissed me again as he sunk all the way down then we just kept making out as he rode me. I ended up cumming in him another time while he rode me, then we switched to missonary cause he got tired and I emptied another load in him.

thank you so much anon for gifting me with this beautiful novel.... this is like. my dream scenario. will be ill about this for days to come.

ive made a recent friend at art school whos like kind of a huge nerd and we've talked about all sorts of things. i ended up talking about an old bad relationship i had and he said something about being really happy to have met me. we've talked about past experiences, he mentioned never having been kissed before and got a little embarrassed (so cute). there were other things, soft lingering touches during lectures and leaning in a bit too close to talk to me than what's normally acceptable, we slept on each other on the bus back home a couple of times.. etc.

i am becoming maybe increasingly down bad for him and ngl this is only making me worse...

unfortunately we dont see each other as often anymore since we have different classes this semester but ugh... doesn't help that my type is like geeky nerdy guys😞

[sassykattery]

Rites and Rituals, Pt. 4

Welcome to Part 4

CW: MC is afab, uses she/her pronouns. MC is a demon and poly. Use of gendered spousal and titled words toward reader [princess, queen, wife]. *Smut scene: mirror sex, dom reader for a little bit, choking, then sub reader, creampie, some praise/reassurance fluff.

Themes: Romance. Wedding. Sex. DiavoloxMC. Fluff.

Characters: [new oc] Nyx, MC="you", Diavolo

Minors and ageless blogs DNI

18+ only

Masterlist

Enjoy

"Good afternoon, Mistress MC, I'll be the designer for your gowns," the demon before you said. They were the top designer from Majolish, and Diavolo had them outsourced for you. Nyx was a tall, slender lust demon and genderfluid, so they were androgynous in overall body shape, with russet brown skin and deep amber eyes. Their short sky-blue hair quaffed over one side of their face, slightly curled at the ends. Nyx was beautiful and well-dressed as a top designer should be.

You two were in the upstairs office of Majolish, surrounded by designs, walls of fabrics, and more shoes than a person could know what to do with.

"Ah, it's nice to meet you, Nyx. I have several drawings here for you, and we can collaborate on a final design," you said, sliding some papers over to them.

"Ah! Wonderful," Nyx said. "It's not often I'm placed with somebody who already knows what they want. So, you need four gowns then, yes? Two for each ceremony?"

"Yes, I want one for each ceremony and reception," you replied.

Nyx took your binder and began sorting through your ideas. "Excellent. Well, based on your drawings, I think I can certainly work with what you have envisioned. Tell me, mistress, what are you thinking for the vibe you'd like to have?"

You pulled out your wedding binders for each wedding, describing in great detail what you had envisioned, and then showed pictures of everything you had come up with so far. Nyx was impressed.

"My, my, MC, you are something. I do believe you and I will work well together on this. Shall we go ahead and start pinning fabrics so I may get to know your body shape better?" You nodded and the two of you got to work.

"Might I see your demon form for this? I need to fit the gowns around your wings," Nyx asked. You phased into it as asked, and they continued pinning fabrics onto you. Then they chuckled.

"What is it?" You asked nervously.

"Ah, you'll have to excuse me. I see now why you're considered the most tempting being in the Devildom," they replied.

"I'm what?" You inquired, confused.

"Dear, you didn't know? Even as a human, I knew about your presence, and when I saw you in the store here with Asmodeus, I couldn't help but agree. As a demon now? You're just as irresistible. Lord Diavolo and Lucifer are quite lucky indeed," Nyx stated. They continued measuring and pinning as they spoke. "You see, for most of us demons, we come in a variety of sizes, colors, and heights, and our perception of beauty is quite different from humans. But we all still look quite the same: muscular, tall, fit, it's how we are able to do our jobs as demons, and live in general. Humans are intriguing, how soft and fragile they can be. All of us are beguiled by you in particular, as you still appear as you did as a human."

Though your vanity was soaring at their words, you couldn't help but feel embarrassed.

"I apologize if I offended you," Nyx said, seeing your expression and standing in your rapid silence.

"No! Sorry, no, not at all. I just... as a human, I didn't understand why I received as much attention as I did. Though now, it seems like it's calmed down since I'm a demon," you replied.

"Oh, that's because you're an Avatar and betrothed to not only the prince but also the most powerful brother. Though, there's something to be said about no longer having a soul everyone was pining for. Regardless, there will always be those who love you in secret, but now it will be rare for someone to try anything with you, lest they're actually that stupid," Nyx chuckled at the end. "And done, this will help me pattern all of your garments."

Carefully, Nyx pulled you out of your cocoon of fabrics and set it aside. "Now, let's get to work!" They said while clapping each syllable out.

-

"How was the design appointment?" Diavolo asked from his desk, still looking down at his papers.

"It went well, I liked Nyx a lot," you replied quietly.

"Ah, yes. Nyx actually designed many of the outfits in your closet," Diavolo stated.

You were silent, staring at the prince. A question weighed in your mind. Though he wouldn't have known it, the silence was heavy for you as you considered this idea.

"Do you miss me being human?"

The prince froze, processing your tone and question. He slowly put his papers down and looked up at you, noting your hands behind your back, knowing you were no doubt fiddling with your fingers in anxiousness. He beckoned you with his index finger. Complying, you came around his desk and sat on his awaiting lap. His hands planted firmly on your hips.

"What is troubling you?"

"I just couldn't help but wonder if you didn't fall in love with me because I was human and... different from what you normally encountered," you stated, trying to word it carefully.

Diavolo considered your words cautiously, wondering what it was you were really asking. Before answering, he needed more information.

"What's bringing this on?"

"Nyx said something about why I received more attention as a human than I do now as a demon," you replied. "It feels... objectifying. It sounds like I was being fetishized."

His gaze went askance momentarily before meeting yours again. "Your humanity is something I treasured, but you being human wasn't what made me fall in love with you, no," he answered slowly. "Now, I won't lie to you, there are those who simply saw you as an exotic; we are demons after all, and I'm not blind to what others have said about you." Giving it a bit more thought, he sighed. "Recently I asked Barbatos about this very thing, if things were not easier when you were human, but he helped me realize that I simply am not used to having a partner, not just a lover."

You looked just a smidge hurt by his words, and he rushed to console you. "I didn't mean to offend you, it was a moment of weakness I had, not because of anything you did. I'm not entirely used to being this close to anyone. Forgive me," he pleaded, taking your hand and pulling it to his chest. You nodded, understanding.

He looked you over and had an idea. "I think I could take a break, why don't you come with me?"

You hopped off his lap, and Diavolo led you by the hand, out of his office and into his bedroom. At the foot of his bed, he stopped and turned, holding your hands.

"Can I show you something?" He asked. You nodded.

Following his motions, he turned you around, so your back was to him. You heard a snap and a full-length mirror appeared in front of you. He nudged you forward just a tiny bit and stood behind you.

"My darling," he said in a low voice, "I think it's my duty to remind you of something."

You looked at each other through the mirror. His hands snaked their way around your waist, sliding down to your shirt hem, and then curling his fingers underneath to slowly pull it up. Instinctively, your arms went up, letting him take it all the way off. You watched as he continued to disrobe you, and when your pants and panties pooled around your feet, you gently kicked them away and stood bare before yourself and your betrothed.

"You see," he said, as he pushed himself directly behind you, so you could feel his voice rumbling in his torso against your back as he spoke, "I love every inch of this." He dragged a finger lightly across your collarbone, down your sternum, around your breasts, down your stomach, and then up your neck to stop at your lips before finally dropping his hand.

"There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about the first time we made love, after our first date. I was quite nervous, because I just wanted to please you," he stated, a smile gracing his lips. "And then when I saw all of you, completely naked below me, it was all I could do to not simply worship you." His hands then purchased your hips, his fingers digging into your plush flesh.

"I am most fond of that memory, because I always feel that same excitement when I see you, such as I do now, in all of your raw beauty before me, ad I am someone so undeserving of it," he continued.

His hands gracefully glided up your sides, coming around to your back and up your shoulders to rest at your biceps. "Yes, indeed, you were simply gorgeous as a human," he concluded. He whispered, "Now shift."

You shifted to your demon form as requested. "But this..." he said, his hands running down your wings, fingers grazing through your midnight blue feathers. "This is most beautiful to me. An immortal who strives for perfection, admiration, vanity, and accomplishment, I could think of no better fit for my wife and queen. So carefully and wonderfully made, how striking you look in this way." When his hands reached the base of your wings, where they met your skin, you shuddered, feeling the hot electricity coursing through your nerves.

"Close your eyes," he ordered. When you did, you heard another snap. "Now open," he said.

You opened your eyes to see in the mirror that Diavolo was in his demon form as well, and you could look and feel that he was fully nude now too. You collapse your wings, and he wrapped one arm around your torso, and his other hand took yours and held it out, as if you two were dancing, but standing still.

"One of my own kind, and so beautiful. You are truly unparalleled, princess, and I'll never again love another as I have loved you. We never have to say goodbye, we never have to part, and I can show you the limitlessness of my love for you," he murmured. He leaned down to your ear, "Understand?"

"Yes," you whispered in awe, watching his golden eyes as they watched your own.

*"Now," he muttered, "I'm afraid I can't let you go now. Both of us are standing here together like this..." He then nuzzled his head against yours. "I need you."

He left you to lie down, but when you turned you saw his head laying at the foot of the bed, he beckoned you over. Coming around, you climbed onto the bed and onto your lover, straddling his hips. His cock was hard and waiting for you.

"I want you to watch yourself as you ride me," he said with an ornery grin.

You looked up at the mirror ahead of you, and it was rather erotic to see yourself on top of the Demon Lord like this, both of you in your demon forms. Looking back down, you watched his expression as you slid yourself back, his cock gliding into your folds and rubbing against your clit. Your hands planted on his chest, you ground yourself into him, relishing the sensation of his cock, and then all at once you shifted forward and back to fully take him into your pussy.

"Ah, MC," he said, breathless. He brought up his hand to push your chin up, so you'd watch the mirror again. His hands went to your hips, guiding you into a rhythm that had you both panting.

You watched as your breasts bounced up and down, your hips rocking forward and back, over and over. Sitting up, you continued to rock yourself into sweet bliss with one hand placed on his lower abdomen to keep you steady. In this moment, you were sexy, riding the crowned prince of the Devildom, having him at your mercy. He was yours, and seeing you claim him like this drove something darker in you.

Keeping your head up, your eyes flitted down, looking at Diavolo over your nose. He noticed the change in demeanor, the dark lust and hunger in your eyes.

"You're mine, and always will be," you said to him in a smokey voice.

A smirk graced his lips, "All yours, my princess," he replied huskily.

"Better get used to calling me your queen," you said forcefully. Your hand shot down to his throat, causing you to lean over slightly, and you squeezed it.

"Ah-haha, MC," he tried to say. Diavolo rather liked this side of you, the demoness he suspected that lie in wait for a long time, burning to be let out of her cage within your mind.

"Try again," you demanded, lightly releasing your hold.

"My queen, I'm yours," he choked out. One of his hands left your hips and grabbed a hold of your arm that was extended to his neck.

"That's better," you said with a smirk of your own. Your hips rocked faster, chasing your pleasure. "Oh, my king," you purred. Now he moaned, hearing your words as you rode him harder. Your hold on his neck tightened again, and you looked up again at the mirror.

The sight before you sent you over the edge. It was erotic, to choke the prince and domineer for once. This was your vanity: to see satisfaction in yourself, as you took what you wanted, how you wanted, and you loved the power that coursed through you.

"Oh-ah, fuck, Dia-" you stammered, feeling the heat rise from your toes. Your internal coils were coming undone, and it was all you could do to stay upright as the fires of pleasure shot up your spine, tingling all the way up to your neck. A mindless scream escaped your lips, your cries echoing in the room. You released your hold on his throat and just tried to stay upright as you rode yourself into bottomless pleasure. Your partner helped by guiding your hips, thrusting himself into you.

"That's it, MC, my love, cum on me," he muttered to you. Your juices ran down your thighs and soaked his groin and the sheets below. A little whimper burned at your tongue, and your climax finally released you, letting you fall limp onto Diavolo.

"Mm, that was so good," he whispered into your hair, his hands carding through your hair and rubbing your upper back.

With his arms wrapped around you, he rolled you both over so that he was on top, and you two laid like that for a few moments as you calmed down some more.

Once your breathing evened out, he pulled himself up, looking down at your frame. "So perfect," he murmured, his lids lowered and eyes full of warm desire. He sat up onto his knees, pulling your legs around his hips. His hands started at your breasts, and drug their way up your limbs, wanting to feel all of you. Bringing one leg up over his shoulder, he hovered back over you and slid his cock into you once more, one arm holding him up above you. His thrusts were slow, gentle, easy.

It was his turn to look in the mirror ahead, and it was so hard for him to not lose control then, seeing where his cock was sliding in and out of you, or how you looked beneath him. You looked up through hazy eyes, watching him look up at the mirror. It was just as hot to you to look at him while he was transfixed on the image ahead. He truly was magnificent to you; unlike any person you'd ever met. Feeling more emotional now, your hand shot up to cup his face, causing him to look down at you again.

"I love you," you said breathlessly.

"And I love you, my queen," he murmured, smiling lustfully at you. He leaned down to kiss you sweetly, and when he pulled away, you saw a rather naughty thought run across his mind, giving way to his expression. His eyes flickered up to the mirror again and back to you.

"What is it?" you whispered.

"Turn over for me," he whispered in reply. He withdrew from you and held himself up over you.

You did as instructed, knowing what it was he wanted. Pulling your knees up, you lifted your ass into the air, and in the mirror ahead you could watch as Diavolo took in your body, displayed just so erotically for him. His eyes finally landed on yours, and that awful smirk gave way to a rather ominous smile that showed his fangs. Oh, is all you could think in that moment.

Once he positioned himself behind you, his hips snatched a hold of your hips in a grip so mean you'd think he was angry. His hard cock was rubbing against your pussy, the head resting just on your clit.

"Hands," he ordered.

You carefully laid your head down on the mattress, resting on one cheek, and reached both arms back. He snatched them into one hand, able to hold both in just one of his, keeping his other hand on your hip. He then pulled you up, the tension in your arms being connected with his was enough to keep your upper body up. You looked up into the mirror, and with no hesitation, he slipped his cock back inside of your cunt. He wanted to see your expression as he did so.

"Oh!" You whimpered.

"Look at me," Diavolo ordered. Your eyes flitted up to his. His lips curled to see your desperate face. "Let me show you what it means to be dominant," he stated. Your eyes widened, much to his pleasure.

He set a relentless pace of blowing your back out, his thrusts hard and brutal. With every hard smack of his hips against yours, you cried out in ecstasy. It was even more erotic to see it all happening before you in the mirror. How his large hand encapsulated both your own, the muscles in his arm flexed to hold you up. Or how with every slam of his hips, you shot forward, but not too far as he kept you close with his other hand on your hip. It all had you keening for more, your walls tightening with juices pouring over the backs of your thighs.

"You like this, don't you?" Diavolo chuckled. Your eyes flitted up to his dark and lustful golden ones.

"Y-Yes!" You stammered. He wasn't letting up.

"Now, do you believe me when I tell you," he grunted, "that I love you, and that there will never be another as precious to me?"

"Yes," you cried.

"Say it," he growled.

"I believe you!" You wailed as he drilled your cunt that much harder, throwing you into another fitful orgasm. Your whole body was rigid as the waves took over, with your walls becoming impossibly tight around his cock. He groaned to feel your cunt milking him for everything he had. It was more than enough to send him spiraling down the same chasm of pleasure, making him grunt and moan as he released inside of you.

He fell forward on top of you, wrapping an arm over your waist and abdomen to keep you slightly up. His labored breaths were hot on your neck, nuzzling his face into the back of your head and in your hair.

"I love you," he rasped, planting light kisses across your neck.

"I love you too," you whispered. He hummed and gently released you as you steadied yourself with your arms. Carefully, you lowered yourself down to the mattress, and he followed suit to partially lay on top of you, holding your back against his chest as he wormed his arm underneath you.

Feeling comfortable, warm, and cuddly, both of you drifted off into slumber, small smiles adorning your faces in blissful peace.

---

Thanks for reading! <3

Post made by sassykattery. Do not repost. Reblogs and comments appreciated.

Tags: @delphi-dreamin @bite-sized-devil @itsmeninerz @themythicaldisaster @obeymediasimp @frozengoldie @flemmingbamse @marvelous-maniac

[a-dumbass-jester]

End, Dark, and Hunt

Here are my designs for the sentient entities au {Part 1} (personality will be in the main part, I didn’t want to make it even longer than it already is(also there’s a image limit))

{End, Dark, Hunt}

{Stranger, Lonely, Desolation}

{Slaughter, Web, Eye}

{Spiral, Flesh, Corruption}

{Vast, Buried, Extinction}

If you don’t know what this is it’s basically a shitpost au of what if the entities where sentient (I’ve been thinking about this since December send help)

For reference on why most of them look so human if you haven’t seen the {main post} (will be linked when finished) especially since that post will come out after these. So basically overtime the entities look more human because of two things. 1, how old they are (they’ve built off of themselves more and developed a personality and stuff) and 2, how feared they are (keeps them more stable) (it’s also just more convenient with the environment their in)

All images from Pinterest (reverse image search it for the original post)

END

(I have so many thoughts get ready) I imagine the End to look very human. it originally looked a lot like the grim reaper and has become more human with time. First off in its transitional stage the roots sort of acted like its hair with resulted in long vine like locs. Due to the whole death/grim reaper thing, they have a very skeletal form with ashy pale brown skin. I feel like they’d be 5’7. I don’t have a reason. That just feels right. They present very androgynous, and appear to to be around 30 or 40. I will be referring to it with they/it pronouns.

I tried to create a Pinterest collage what I think The End would wear but some of it I couldn’t get accurate enough so I will describe in detail.

I imagine it to have a very whimsigoth or witchy look. Still very grim reaper esc. Long dark dresses/skirts and sleeves. I’m specifically picturing a long gray black skirt that goes to its heels. A deep purple skirt clipped up(?) layered on top that ends right above the knee. A red/brown maroon waspie (half) corset that has several belts around it. Long drapey sleeves attached to a loose v neck cut top that’s a similar color to the first skirt. The neckline has been stretched to loosely fall off the shoulders with a thin strapped tank top underneath it that’s the same color as the second skirt. It also has various necklaces around its neck and maybe some rings. It’s still wearing similar boots that it wore in the Victorian era with dark black tights underneath it. As for makeup I image something similar to the 4th photo but maybe a bit more dramatic (specifically eyeliner) with matte black lipstick.

Casual or other outfits would have a similar vibe to it, or a general goth vibe. I feel like if you wondered what would death wear, goth would be one of the first things you thing of. It was goth before ‘goth’ was even a thing(officially at least). Ends outfits have changed with human fashion, since they’ve always kinda been interested in it. So if you wonder what ‘goth’ was during a certain time just look at what End was wearing.

Images: 1,2,3,5,9: outfits. 4: makeup. 6,7: shoes. 8:hair.

Ok I have to be honest I don’t have much for Dark and Hunt (that kinda why I chose them bc of the image limit) so I will try my best to give them full designs but if anyone has any ideas PLEASE tell me.

DARK

So for dark I’m more so picturing like a void of darkness in a somewhat humanoid shape. It’s like kinda swirly and looks a bit like weird misshapen tentacles(only way I can describe it sorry) coming off of it (especially around the head(image below)). If you try you can make out a head, torso, arms and legs. And maybe it’s wearing a long black coat bc it deserves it. I asked @helinedmightbehere if they had any ideas and they said “a single closed eye”. I don’t know what exactly they ment but I’ll add it here anyway. I will be using it/he pronouns (mainly bc it’s also called “Mr. Pitch”).

Here’s a shitty sketch by yours truly^^ (it truly does look like shit but i feel like it gets the point across)

HUNT

Ok I have the least for The Hunt. It is an animalistic fear but still has a few human avatars so maybe some fucked up animal human hybrid. I literally don’t know. Maybe it’s wearing a hunting uniform? I will probably use it/its pronouns.

Anyway this is done thx for reading bye

[donnerpartyofone]

I love your blog because if I didn't know you were a straight woman I would have just assumed you were a well read weirdo gay man blogging it up all this time and I mean this in the highest possible form of a compliment

I absolutely love this. I often wonder who people think I am, if they think about it at all! I mean if you've been around you've seen enough of my exhibitionistic writing to know the score--but I know I have all sorts of abstract prejudices about the identities of bloggers I like. Sometimes they're really rewarding, like I had this long term mutual who I always assumed was a woman; she never said anything descriptive about herself or posted selfies, I just felt sure it was a woman posting and I couldn't have told you why. I found out a lot later she was amab, and came out and transitioned well after her time on here. I sometimes wanted to tell her this, but I didn't want it to sound like I was bragging about my radar and I didn't know if it was intrusive, but I thought it was cool that she vibed Woman so strongly to me even in the most abstract sense, and before she did anything public about it. Uh where was I going with this. Oh yeah, even though I'm a cis het broad, I have fairly androgynous, even masculine feelings internally. It's not the kind of thing that compels me to transform my outward identity or my sexual behavior or anything, I'm fortunate to feel comfortable in my own skin as far as that stuff goes (although I do sometimes wonder if I were a lot younger and grew up with gender fluidity as a common concept, maybe I would have identified with that--but maybe not, if I don't already feel the need for better vocabulary to define myself). But I really like that whatever is dudely about me comes across through my internet presence. I'm not that well read though! That's a total fake-out.

[spencers-abit-weebish]

Friend-Zone

XxX

Warnings: Slight talk of Trauma, Hades because they need to be their own warning, Typicsl COD violence

The One Where: Four Times Soap has noticed Hades actively avoiding the men of 141 and One time he finally gets to talk to them.

Pairing: Soap x Nb!Reader

A/n: Hades is non-binary, uses they/them pronouns and is described as looking androgynous for trauma reasons *jazz hands* (sorry I make jokes at poor situations)

W/c: 3.4k

xXx

Soap walked into the gym on base with Gaz and Ghost finding that there were some members already occupying it. You and Tangled were on the sparing mats while Bang sat to the side watching you both.

“Hey guys” Bang turned back greeting the group of men.

“Gaz” Tangled smiles as she doubles over trying to catch her breath.

“I think it’s my turn to spar with Hades” Bang chuckles.

“Just give me a minute, one of these days I can hand them their ass” Tangled says.

“Take a break I’m gonna go find Missus and go over some mission reports” You avoiding eye contact with the men as you head to your stuff.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna spar with one of us?” Gaz offered seeing that you had barely broken a sweat while Tangled looked like she was dying.

You didn’t answer as you grabbed your bag. You ended up making the mistake of looking up and catching Soap’s eye who smiles. You quickly looked away and grabbed the rest of your stuff, leaving.

“Hades doesn’t train with men” Bang explained.

“Why?” Gaz asked. Tangled shrugged im response,

“Won’t tell us, just that if they train with a man there’s a slight chance that man won’t be alive by the end of training” Tangled said.

“They have some sort of PTSD against men?” Soap asked.

Bang and Tangled both shrugged, “We don’t know if it’s trauma or sexism” Bang said.

“We just know that Hades doesn’t like being around men for too long without the presence of a friend” Tangled added gesturing towards Bang and herself. Soap hums to himself looking at the door Hades had just walked out of.

xxx

It was the middle of the night. Soap hadn’t slept at all due to having woken up in the middle of the day. Ghost always recommended going to the gym to wear of some steam so that’s exactly what he did.

What he didn’t expect was to hear someone else on the machines in there. Soap slowly walked in peaking around the corner. You were on one of the machines and due to how sweaty you were Soap could guess you had been there a while now. Soap watches as you got up removing your headphones and lifted your shirt to wipe the sweat off your face. Soap noticed the amount of scars littering your stomach, almost as if they were tally marks.

Soap remembered how Bang and Tangled said that you avoid men at all costs. He didn’t want to intrude on your workout but as he went to leave when he heard you talk.

“You can come workout, I was just about to leave” you said. Soap turned back seeing you were grabbing your gym bag bag.

“Uh, actually, ye think ye could spot me?” Soap asked heading over to the bench press.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, I should get going” You told him as you scoff shaking your head. Your heartbeat was racing, anxiety spiking. You quickly make your way to the door stopping when Soap calls to you.

“How long ye've been here Hayds?” Soap asked. He noticed how you tensed up at the nickname.

“Few hours” You said softly as you went to leave again.

“Hey Hades” Soap called out right before you left. “Have a good night” He said. You felt the smallest bit of pressure relieve itself from your chest. You gave him a weak smile causing him to smile brightly in response.

When you stepped out of the gym, you leaned against the cold stone wall a hand pressed to your chest. But, Soap calling out to you, it felt different.

xxx

“Damn” Soap mumbled to himself as he watches you be a one person killing machine.

“That’s why Hades always leads and we cover” Athena said patting his back with a chuckle.

“Hey LT, shouldn’t we pull back the reins before they get themselves hurt?” Bug asked.

“Not yet” Athena said looking over at Ghost and Soap.

A few members of the 333 were assigned a mission and took some of the 141 boys along with them for assistance. You and Athena were leading the mission with Bug, Soap, Otto, Ghost, and Tick.

“How about now?” Tick asked.

“Just cover them” Athena hisses as she shot at an enemy soldier.

“How about now!?” Ghost asked as another wave of soldiers came from behind him causing the team to find the nearest cover.

“Hades!” Soap yelled as he tackled you and pulled you to cover.

“Get off me” You yelled slashing at him. Soap grabbed the arm that was wielding the knife before quickly backing away from you. The knife was almost at his temple, thank the gods for helmets. You caught your breath for a moment before sitting up grabbing the rifle that fell to your side. “Fuck Soap, Don’t do that,”

“Sorry, we just got ambushed from the back” Soap said looking past some carts and boxes seeing the soldiers being taken down one by one. He watched as you crouched a little ways from him and started shooting at soldiers taking them down with ease.

“Wow you’re a good shot” Soap said as he set up his rifle following your moves.

“We all are, all of us are snipers” You smiled as you saw Otto shoot down someone.

“Witches got the pathway cleared, bloody good shots, all of them” Ghost said over the comms.

“How’re you doin’ Hades?” Otto asked.

“Fine” You said softly. Soap nervously glanced over at you seeing you stand up when Tick had finally got the last shot. You looked up at him as he stood giving him a curt nod. You reached over as if to pat him but decided against it.

Before he could say anything, you quickly went ahead Otto, Bug, and Tick joining you. You patted Bug’s back before taking the lead again.

“What happened?” Athena asked stepping to Soap’s side.

“Nothing” Soap shrugged with a small smile on his face. He couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride at the thought. You were about to pat his back like you did with Bug. He’d call that progress.

xxx

Soap sighs heavily as he stands outside the room. He quickly knocks looking around.

“MacTavish, hey, what can I do for you” Athena smiles. Soap looks past her seeing Bug with his tactical gear still on and goggles watching SpongeBob. Athena chuckled opening the door showing Pain and Panic were also watching SpongeBob. “I like to make sure they wind down after a mission so rough like our last one, Hades is out at the arcade with Otto, and Tick” Athena said.

“Hi Soap”

“Hey Scotsman”

“Suds”

The three younger soldiers greeted him causing him to wave back. Athena steps out of the door way gesturing for Soap to enter. He does so, nervously wiping his palms against his jeans.

“Um, I’m actually glad there’s more of you I can ask, ya’ see. The mission we went on a while back, with Hades,” Soap struggled to get the words out as he talked directly to Athena while Pain paused the show looking over with Panic and Bug.

“What happened” Athena said sitting Soap down on one of the chairs at her table.

“I feel bad for it but also I don’t know- when we got ambushed from behind, and I tackled them. They tried to stab me and got really mad at me” Soap said.

“Oh, I see” Athena said.

“I- have we told you about Hades’s issue, with men?” Bug asked.

“Bang and Tangled said they have issues with men, but they didn’t know if Hades was sexist or if they felt with some trauma” Soap said. The 333 members in Athena’s room all looked at eachother before Athena sighed heavily.

“I’m not going to get too into detail because it’s not our place to say, but-“ Athena sighs taking a seat next to Soap. “Hades only recently came out to us as non-binary not too long after Pain and Panic joined the team about a year ago. Before that, before Hades even joined the 333, they were in a different task force. There was a mission that went incredibly wrong and their life went downhill after that. Hades suffered a lot mentally, emotionally, socially, and even physically for a long time. When I met them, they were planning on leaving the military permanently. I told them about 333, how we were all women, and if they let us help them we could. They told me what had happened and, while the men that caused their PTSD haven’t been found yet, let’s just say their former team doesn’t exist anymore. After they joined the 333 Hades started chopping off their hair, and trying to appear the least feminine as possible, because it scared them to look feminine, it still does. Hades’s issue with men is Trauma based and while they have gotten better about it. They’re still not comfortable being alone with men, and especially being tackled by one, even if you are a team mate” Athena said.

“I think out of all of us that have struggled with trauma coming from men, Hades has suffered the most” Bug said, the set of twins agreeing with him.

“You all have-” Soap cut off his question but they knew what he was asking.

“My father was abusive growing up” Athena said.

“I was 14 when I found out I was gender-fluid, living in a house with all men, when I said that sometimes I felt like a boy they ridiculed me and started abusing me and forcing me to do things to prove that I was a boy” Bug said.

“Panic and I have an older brother, and he wasn’t the best towards us, neither were his friends” Pain explained.

“I dated one of his friends” Panic says sighing heavily.

Soap sat back in his seat taking in all of the information he was given.

“The reason task force W.I.T.C.H is the way it is is because we want the world to be a safer place not only for women, but everyone. Women that have suffered what we’ve been though, kids that grow up in abusive households, LGBTQIA+ people that are too scared of what society will due to them if they come out. Otto and Missus have both been victims of hate crimes because they’re both into women and Tick… Actually I think Tick is the most normal one out of all of us” Pain said.

“Thank you, for telling me all of this. I had no idea” Soap said.

“Thank you for coming to us, as a team of mainly women were not very accepted when we team up with other task forces but you guys have been nothing but kind to us since we’ve come into your lives” Athena said.

“Do you all, have PTSD from those experiences?” Soap asked.

“Not as bad as Hades, I personally have a certain trigger but very rarely do I have an episode” Athena explained.

“Similarly to Hades, Pain try to distance ourselves from men we’re not comfortable with, that’s why you’ll never see them and Archer in the same room” Panic said, ending their statement with a teasing tone.

“I will rip his ears off and staple them to Toad’s forehead” Pain said simply.

“You’ve been spending too much time around Tangled” Athena pointed at the twin.

A knock at Athena’s door caused her to get up opening it.

“Oh my, they’re Beetlejuice” Bug whispered causing Pain and Panic to chuckle.

“Hades, hey, how was the arcade?” Athena asked.

“Fine, Tick was getting annoyed because little demons were roaming around so we left” You walked into Athena’s room, exhaustion clear in your tone, but stopped immediately when you saw Soap.

The man smiles softly at you causing you to weakly smile back offering a small wave.

“We were just winding down, watching SpongeBob, would you care to join?” Pain offered.

“Uh no- it’s fine- I was just-” You stumble over your words, something that wasn’t common. It was obvious that despite having your team with you, Soap’s present affected you.

“I think I should get going, Bang, Tangled, and Gaz wanted to go out for beers” Soap says getting up.

“Can I come?” Bug asked excitedly.

“Do you want to get in more comfortable wear first?” Soap chuckled. Bug smiles brightly as he runs out the room to his to get changed.

“Bugs a lightweight, you should keep an eye on him” You smile softly, lightly gesturing towards the door that Bug just ran out of.

“How do you know his pronouns?” Soap asked.

“He usually wears a piece of jewelry that’s a certain color for whatever he feels that day. He wears blue for boy, pink for girl, white for neither, and black for he doesn’t know/care” You explained before grabbing your dog tags, “Normally though he has a rubber coating around his dog tags, that’s the easiest tell”

Athena glanced back at Pain and Panic who were both grinning widely seeing you interact with Soap. It seems that your love and protection for the younger solider makes them more open to talking.

“Noted, and may I ask about you and Panic, I know you both identify as non-binary but any specific pronouns?” Soap asked. You smiles brightly causing the other 3 soldiers to be taken aback.

“I use they/them, but if you use She/her on me I don’t mind” Panic said as they looked over at you.

“I’m severely uncomfortable with she/her, I only use they/them” You said. Soap smiles brightly as he glanced at the door seeing Bug had come back. He was wearing baggy boyish clothing and Soap noticed the blue ring they had on their middle finger along with, as you mentioned, the border on their dog tags.

“I use he/him but wouldn’t mind hearing a they/them every now and then” Soap smiles turning his attention back to you.

“Noted” You said. You tried your best to hold back a smile, a genuine smile, but Athena and the twins knew you well enough to tell that you were getting comfortable.

“Ready to go my boy?” Soap asked ruffling Bug’s hair. Bug smiles brightly nodding his head. “Goodnight you guys” Soap smiles back at the room of W.I.T.C.H members before leaving with Bug to meet up with Tangled, Bang, and Gaz.

“Hades” Panic says squinting their eyes at their Lieutenant as Athena closed the door behind the two soldiers.

“Yeah?”

“Do you like Soap?” Pain asked teasingly. You tighten your lips into a flat line.

“They’re okay I guess, I mean-” You sigh heavily through your nose as you sit down in the chair Soap was in previously. “Gaz is okay to be around as long as I have Tangled with me but it feels like I’m third wheeling so I try to avoid it,” You start to explain. “Price is okay, I guess I’m more comfortable with him than any of the others since he’s a superior and Missus has a lot of trust in him. Ghost, I’m okay with as long as I’m not alone with him, but Soap…” You trailed off not really having an opinion on the Scotsman.

“Get to know him some more Hades, he’s a lot like Bug only more calm” Athena offered gently.

“I know, none of these guys are bad, if anything they’re the best group of men we’ve worked with. I just- I don’t want to have an episode” You were clearly a little frustrated as you groan dropping your head against the table.

xxx

“Soap!” You tackled the Scottish soldier to the ground dragging him behind a dumpster as you avoid flying bullets. Otto was already hidden behind the dumpster and immediately starts tending to Soap.

“Fuckin’ steamin Jesus” Soap groans as he supports his forearm that just got shot.

“You bloody idiot” You said as you set up your rifle. You stand up protectively over Soap and Otto as you start shooting back.

“Archer make yourself useful and cover us, we’re right under your building” Otto said into her comm.

“Trying my best up here Doc Ock, you guys aren’t the only ones in a bit of a pickle” Archer respond.

“Hades, on your 6” Toad says. You turn around shooting one enemy soldier that came from behind while Toad had gotten the other one.

“We got the target, evac is less than 10, start heading to RV” Athena says.

You look down at Soap and Otto, the doctor already bandaging his arm while the Sergeant played with the bullet she had pulled from him.

“Ready to go?” You asked crouching down a hand on Soap’s shoulder.

“Are you good to fight?” Otto asked. Soap nods his head as the two pack their stuff and grab their weapons.

“Hades lead, I’ll cover our backs Soap you stay in between us” Otto orders.

“Excuse me I thought I was the Lieutenant”

“When we have someone injured I’m in charge” Otto replies. You only chuckles as you start leading the way back to rendezvous.

“Archer come down” You said into the comms.

“Coming down L.t” Archer responds.

When they were met face to face with a few enemies you didn’t hesitate to shield Soap and Otto as they went to shoot. You fired first taking them down but one of them managed to hit you causing you to stumble back into Soap’s arms

“Hades!” Soap and Otto yelled.

“I’m fine, these bigots have worse aim than storm troopers, only one of them hit my vest” You said patting yourself down. When you feel the hands holding onto your vest you look at Soap who seemed worried. He realized how he was holding you and quickly let go with an apology. Archer had finally met up with the three of you, the team of four meeting up with the rest of 141 and 333.

In the infirmary Otto checked out the shot you earned to see you were getting the bruise under your vest while Soap got his arm checked out.

“Should heal in about a week, we shouldn’t have a mission soon so as long as you put this on it daily you should be okay” Otto said handing you an anti-bruising ointment.

“What would I do without you” You joked as you get up from the hospital bed.

“Die probably” Otto jokes before going to check on the other team members. You looked over at Soap who was with Tangled, Bug, and Gaz. You take a calming breath, popping a few of your bones as if you were warming yourself up for a fight

“How’re you feeling?” You asked walking up to him.

“Could be better, Doc Ock says I can’t do much until I get the stitches removed which should take about a week” Soap says gesturing to the woman smacking Price upside the head because he wouldn’t let her tend to the gash on his calf. “How’s yer stomach?” Soap asked.

“Just a bruise, thankfully my vest did it’s job” You said lifting their shirt enough to show the bruise and a bit of the scarring in your stomach. Completely forgetting about the scars you had.

“How’s you get those?” Gaz asked, earning himself an elbow to the rib from Tangled. Soap noticed how uncomfortable you immediately got as you dropped the hem of your shirt letting it fall back into place.

“Funny story, I have a scar right on my v-line from a biking accident” Soap says lifting his shirt. The scar was rather thin and obviously old as he traced it with his pinky finger “Was mountain bikin’ with some friends when I was a wee bit lad, going down hill I lost control and flew right off, sliced myself on a rock” He said. Soap could feel the way you warmed up, grateful for the shift in attention.

“I wonder how many of your scars are from stupid stuff you’d done before joining the military” Gaz said.

“I actually hold the record for that, most of my scars are outside military related accidents” Bug says.

“They still have a scab from taking a tumble the day before we came here” You chuckled causing Bug to scrunch his nose at you. But after some teasing and taunting from Gaz and Tangled he lifted the sleeve of his shirt showing the thin but long scab going down their outer arm. Soap glanced at Bug’s hand seeing a black bracelet on their wrist, then at his dog tags that had a black border.

“Accident prone, good to know” Gaz chuckles patting Bug’s head after she rolled her sleeve back down.

“Ghost holds the record for most scars” Soap teased glancing around for his dark counterpart only to find he wasn’t in the infirmary anymore.

“Emotional, Mental, or Physical?” You asked.

“Yes” Gaz and Tangled responded in unison nodding their heads. You hummed to yourself, a small reminder that you didn’t know these men as well as you profiled.

“Bug let me take a look at you, I know you have bruises on you young man” Otto said patting the bed that Price was just on.

“Hey could ye grab me a drink, I’m still here until the nurse gets me my pain medication” Soap asked, his question directed towards Gaz.

“Sure, I’ll be back, you two want anything?” Gaz asked you and Tangled. Tangled spared a glance at you. You silently gestured with your head for Tangled to go ahead and go with Gaz. Tangled raised their eyebrows as if asking if they were sure to which you responded by nodding.

“I’m good mate, thanks though” You said.

“I’ll go with you” Tangled said as she left with Gaz.

You moved yourself to sit in the chair in front of Soap. You slightly grunted due to the pain in your abdomen but nothing Soap had to worry over. Though he was more focused on something else anyways.

“Ye took a bullet fer me” Soap says.

You sigh leaning back in your seat leaving your head against your hand that was propped up against the arm rest. “I Know

“I know yer not the biggest fan of men. Athena told me ye have some past issues, thank ye, I really appreciate it” Soap says.

Hades sighs heavily sitting themself straight on the chair.

“I don’t know what it is about you,” They start off causing Soap to be confused. “The only reason I’m okay being around Price and Gaz is because Tangled and Bang made me be around them a lot. But you, you did it all on your own” Hades said.

“That’s a good thing right?” Soap asked.

“I guess” Hades shrugged, smile slowly forming on her face.

“I’m glad, I’d hate for ye to be uncomfortable ‘round me, and please let me know if I ever do anything to over step yer boundaries” Soap said sincerely.

“Thank you Soap, that means alot to me” Hades said.

“Call me Johnny”

Hades smiles as they stand up offering their hand to him.

“Friends?” They asked. Johnny smiles down at their hand happily taking it.

“Friends”

xxx

“Missus, look” Athena nudges her superior who was talking to Price. She gestures over to Hades who was sitting across from Soap.

“Are they-” Missus cuts herself off as Price scoffs in disbelief.

“Well I’ll be damned, can’t be surprised anyways, if anyone was going to crack Hades’s distaste for men it was going to be Soap” Price says.

“What do you mean by that” Athena said.

“He’s been a lovesick puppy over them ever since you all arrived, Soap’s a very determined man, he’ll do anything in his power to be an amazing friend to someone” Price said.

“Lovesick puppy you say” Missus teases.

“He’s already in the friend-zone, let’s see if he can make it to the next level” Athena smiles.

xxx

“What's that scar from” Hades asked gesturing to the small white scar on his chin.

“First time I shaved” Soap said with slight embarrassment making Hades chuckle.

“Who knows, you might have Bug beat on most non-military related scars”

xxx

A/n: As always let me know if there are any grammar errors and if you have any requests relating to the 333 don’t hesitate to ask 🫶

Taglist: @fluffysmiko @abbiesxox @agspgrwasb

[chevelleneech]

I’m circling back to say I’m also happy Felix’s queer fans, particularly his non-binary and androgynous fans get to be into a Kpop artist who can no longer be shoved into the, “Wait until he says the words!” closet. It’s out there now, and no matter how other people feel about him, these fans can and have been encouraged by him to discuss his androgyny and unisex clothing choices.

I also want to say it sucks that so many people also have picked up on his androgyny for years, seeing as he has said before he enjoys wearing women’s clothing because they look good on him and allows him to express himself more, yet were harassed into not speaking on it, only for it to have been things he was genuinely feeling.

Which I’ve spoken on numerous times. Fans think they’re defending and protecting their faves, yet are not realizing just how upsetting it can be to read someone say its weird and disrespectful to speculate on their identity involving queerness in someway, just because they didn’t put it in a headline first.

Now, I’m not saying Felix is on the path to coming as anything, because who knows, right? But he also isn’t beholden to the same expectation as his fellow group members aside from Chan, so it’s possible he simply has more freedom to discuss certain topics. The same freedom some male idols seem to feel more comfortable in once they’ve completed their military service. So there are many complexities to the topic, main one being, Felix doesn’t have to be attracted to men to be androgynous. It’s just the matter of him likely being, given he’s also already said he has a type in guys and girls.

Point is, I applaud Felix greatly. I think he’s taking a big step in being in a popular idol group and stating he is intentionally presenting himself in a unisex fashion. He wants to look like whichever gender someone assumes him to be, both in the things he wears as well as with his body. He doesn’t think he’s manly, and to him short hair is less fun to have. So no matter how inconsequential some people may feel his words are, they are important.

Especially because idol fans have it in their heads that femininity and androgyny are wholly accepted in South Korea, refusing to listen to anyone who tells them it’s not. They ignore how many male idols leave the androgynous style behind as they get older. They even ignore how many female idols essentially come out and then backtrack or who have “masculine” clothing preferences, claiming these women are just tomboys or whatever the new term is, and that her crush on another girl was a friendship crush or jealousy.

Idols do not have it easy and cannot come out just because they feel like it, just because their industry capitalizes off of skinships and encourage men to lean into a prettier aesthetic. They do it, because sex sells. Yes, it’s a different sort of seduction, but it still sells. Which is why idols still to this day are looked at sideways if not flat out hated for being queer. It’s why fans are still able to claim any of them writing songs about queer sex, is them writing songs for their fans or from an outside perspective.

The majority of Kpop fans do not want their favorite idols to be queer, as it pops the bubbles they’ve built up in their heads. Even the ones where their fave is queer until they somehow meet them and become straight again.

That’s why Felix saying in clear words he doesn’t think of himself as manly and is striving for an androgynous/unisex look, is good. It doesn’t mean people can state for him he is non-binary, nor does it mean anyone should start assuming his pronouns (not that I’ve seen anyone do that), but it does mean his non-binary fans get to celebrate this win of sorts. They get to experience this new (to us at least) version of Felix who they can refer to in softer terms without anyone coming at them for “babying” or “feminizing” him, given his androgyny appears to lean more feminine than masculine.

Anyway, I’m dragging on, but I hope what I’m saying is coming across well. I make my jokes about my faves and analyze things until I’m blue in the face even if I don’t always post it here, but still. I think real people taking real steps to be comfortable in their skin, is a huge deal. Particularly when these people are famous or surrounded by (in Felix’s case, adored by) people who either pretend to love unconditionally or who are upfront with their bigotry and expect everyone to conform in the end.

[beautiful-02-08-18]

1 Corinthians 10:14 (KJV)

Wherefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry.

Fan Interpretation of Charming Gold’s parents from Running Man Animation.

When I was watching Running Man Animation, I at first never really paid much attention to Charming Gold. Before him, I was more interested in Pala, and even with the whole villain reveal, I still did not really pay him much attention until his backstory was revealed. I immediately became attached to CG after that.

In Charming Gold’s backstory, we are shown his parents and what’s interesting is that they are the only characters with faces. The other Pikok members have some sort of comedy theater mask on their faces, or even not drawn at all.

I probably thought more of these characters, if you can call them that, than what was intended. They were only present for precisely 15 seconds combined but there are so many storytelling elements on them. We were only shown their bust and side view and for this reason, we were never shown their full designs. It was hard trying to make their designs as it was in a flashback sequence with a yellow filter on everything so we, the audience, did not even know what colors they were. They do not even have names! They are called “Charming Gold’s mother” and “Charming Gold’s father” or “Charming Gold’s parents”. Even then, I actually liked these characters. Or their story potential regarding Charming Gold.

I’ll go talk about their names first instead of calling them “Charming Gold’s mother” and “Charming Gold’s father”. I named his mother Charming “Darling” Diamond because the diamond is one of the most valuable gemstones, fitting for the queen of the beautiful Pikok tribe. For his father, I was originally going to name him Charming Cobalt so his name is an alliteration similar to Charming Gold and also to reference his blue feathers. However, I thought that would make Charming Gold an outlier. My friend pointed out many years ago that Charming Gold's name is “Gold” but he’s blue. Since there are already characters with alliterations on their names I changed it to Charming Platinum. I made this as a reference that Gold's father is higher in power than him as platinum, which can also be known as white gold, is more valuable than gold.

On to their designs, as I said before in my Dazzling Diaspore character art I have a headcanon that the women of the Pikok tribe have duller colors compared to their male counterparts. I used a real-life image of a peahen so that’s why Diamond has a blue neck. Platinum has a hue of deep rich blue color, to further emphasize his authority over Gold, who has a standard blue color.

Using Charming Gold as a reference for their designs, I noticed that while looking at Gold’s design his whole body is a gradient. From a light teal on his nose to dark violets on the tips of his hair to even the icy blue color of his tail. With bold colors of red and gold on his face with purple eyes. I incorporated that detail into the designs of Pikok characters.

I did not want Charming Gold’s parents to be an exact copy of him, so I tried my best to make them look different, but still similar, to CG. Granted that, I may have overdone it. I did 3-4 color tests to see what I liked the most.

Another headcanon is the makeup they wear is a part of their face. So that eyeshadow and goatee on Charming Gold is actually a part of his face. While looking at the close-up shot of Platinum I noticed that there seemed to be some sort of bottom eyeliner, and since I wanted them to look like their son more so I made him have eye makeup similar to Gold. There seems to be no make-up on Diamond so I had to improvise.

Charming Gold seems to embody Korean beauty standards like his androgynous body and flawless skin. His backstory of being horrifically bullied is a common story in Korean Media, especially stories about beauty standards.

With that in mind, I designed Diamond and Platinum from those beauty standards. In Korea, facial hair is seen as unattractive, but according to history, men were not allowed to harm their bodies and that includes hair. That is why I had Platinum sport a beard than Gold’s goatee. (Side note: Fandom Wiki just described it as a “red line” but I personally see it as Gold having a goatee.) Diamond have freckles and a mole because from what I had researched these beauty marks are at best neutral or at worst ugly in Korea. I found no solid statement even though some KPop idols, who are known to follow Korean beauty standards, have these same beauty marks. She was shown to have pronounced eyelashes so I made sure to show that.

I also have a headcanon that as they age, their faces darken from a white to a gray color. I picked the gray from their grayscale.

For the clothes, Charming Platinum's design was simple enough as his clothes seemed to be a long-sleeved polo shirt with buttons paired with black pants and shoes. He had this cloth wrapped around him like a belt and was wearing a large cape or a royal mantle. He was noticeably wearing the same backless vest Gold wore in the show. Hence, I see the vest like a crown, where the king, Platinum, passed it down to his heir, Gold. And let me tell you, it was hard getting a decent reference for this very symmetrical pattern.

For Charming Diamond here, we were never shown much. I had interpreted it as her wearing a royal mantle and a sleeveless dress and that is all. I noticed that the design on her brooch has the same design that can be throughout the show, like the window in one of the references.

Their royal mantles are rather interesting to me since Charming Gold never wore one in the show; however, since the mantles have peacock patterns on them, I think they were supposed to represent a peacock’s tail, similar to how Gold wore one during Season 1. I did some creative liberty while designing their clothes as we were never shown their full frontal view. Clothes from the Pikok tribe are surprisingly rather simple.

For my headcanons about their deaths, it is rather simple. I did not really think much about it, just a vague idea about how they died. Charming Diamond died from an illness, and she never knew about Gold’s ability and that he was the one behind the missing persons cases. Charming Platinum was stabbed in an assassination attempt by a member of the Mong tribe, who Gold killed to save the former, ultimately revealing his secret power. Platinum later died from the injury he sustained but was on rather good terms with Gold after learning the latter’s ability.

I do not really like the idea that Charming Gold killed his parents. While yes, he probably killed all of the members of the Pikok tribe I just can not really see him as the type of person to kill his parents. Maybe that is just my rose-tinted glasses, but I like to interpret his relationship with his parents as complicated but loving. In his backstory, it was implied that Gold immediately went to his parents after being bullied again. We can assume that this was not the first time this had happened to him, and he possibly went to his parents for consolement.

When he realized that even his own parents were ashamed of him, he was completely heartbroken as implied by the emphasis on the single teardrop. Charming Gold’s parents were ashamed of him because of his appearance, so it is possible that when Gold gained his energy absorption ability and became “beautiful” they started to treat him better. They did have some sort of familial love for him before that, but it became more apparent after the “curse” was lifted. But this is just my interpretation.

For their personalities, we were never shown much. What little we get is where they are in a stressful situation, so we can not really know for sure how they normally act. But Gold’s personality and skill must have come from somewhere.

I might draw and flesh them out more but this is it for now. I have been trying a new art style where I lean into the gothic medieval style so that is why the art has a yellow filter, but there is still the other version where there is no filter. Drawing these two was hard because as it turns out, I’m not actually good with drawing two characters existing in the same space with correct proportions.

Thank you for reading!

[electrasev5nwrites]

Ninja Daily: Clarity 22

"Take her to the Hokage immediately," Yamato ordered in an undertone. He gently pulled away the arm that Aiko was still clinging to-just for warmth, obviously. "She needs to debrief. She was approached by Tobi less than an hour ago." He gave Aiko a lingering look to promise, "I'll be back as soon as I can."

Tobi? Obito. It was Obito, damnit.

ANBU –what was that, a tiger?- was a cold fish. All the agent did was incline their head slightly, pretty black hair brushing over paper-pale ears. "I see. This way, Uzumaki-san."

Aiko craned her neck to watch Yamato's back disappear into the night, fussing the fingers of her free hand against her skirt.

"Uzumaki-san?"

ANBU whatever was waiting patiently, head cocked like some oversize bird.

'I think that's a man,' Aiko decided for no particular reason. Those uniforms were designed to obscure gender- it wasn't the bodyguard's build that gave it away. The voice was also androgynous, without any unique intonation or emotion.

'So how do I know?' she wondered, letting Tsunade's personal bodyguard lead her into the home. They were immediately intercepted by another ANBU.

REQUEST: IDENTITY. PREROGATIVE.

If Aiko hadn't already had her fill of shocks, she would have jumped in surprise when she realized that the sign language the ANBU were communicating in was not the one Obito had taught her. As it was, she languidly blinked and didn't bother to hide that she flicked her eyes to see ANBU What'sHisFace's response.

AGENT TIGER. EMERGENCY DEBRIEFING.

'I definitely should not understand them,' she noted, only mildly interested in the turn her night had taken. This was small potatoes, in the grand scheme of things.

The second ANBU nodded, purple hair swaying. PROCEED.

Aiko waved with splayed fingers in the moment before the house guard disappeared back into whatever hiding spot they had crept out of. The ANBU was gone in a flicker of motion-or that was probably the intention, at least. Aiko traced the shunshin's path over to what appeared to be a blank stretch of wall. It was probably hiding an alcove of some sort. The trick was oddly familiar.

Whatever. She fought down the temptation to activate her Rinnegan to tear through whatever genjutsu was at work. There would be better times to pursue her curiosity.

'Maybe I'll remember something pertinent soon. There's really only one explanation for why I would know ANBU sign language: I had to have been one of them. What was that like?' Her eyes widened in realization. 'That could explain why there appears to be almost no record of me working with teams. ANBU work would be classified.'

Counter intuitively, her mood brightened. Perhaps she wasn't a friendless loser after all. She'd have to keep an eye out for possible ANBU friends. She chewed the inside of her cheek, watching the male ANBU beckon her into what must be the Hokage's personal quarters. Word had proceeded them- Tsunade was walking in through a rice paper door on the other side of the long room, pulling mussed hair back in a single high ponytail.

'I wonder if she's upset about being disturbed so late.'

Aiko eyed her up. "Nice pajamas."

"I trust you didn't come here to critique my wardrobe," Tsunade said crisply. There was a bit of danger in her tone.

"No." She let her gaze linger on the silk button up that the hokage had apparently worn to bed. It would have been rather classy if it didn't have a grotesquely kawaii kitten lapping out of a sake cup on the lapel. "I wouldn't criticize that."

Mostly because she wanted to keep her bones where they were.

"Hokage-sama." ANBU Tiger knelt fluidly. Aiko watched with eyebrows raised. "Yamato-san wishes you to know that the Akatsuki Tobi approached Uzumaki-san tonight."

She didn't stiffen- but then, she was the hokage. Tsunade wouldn't be roused for anything less than a state of emergency: she'd been anticipating bad news. "I see." Tsunade snapped her fingers, summoning two more ANBU who knelt at Tiger's sides. "You raise the alarm and have our perimeter locked down. You mobilize search patrols with the intention to identify and contain, not confront. You-" she paused for the first time, brow furrowed. The other two ANBU fled without even raising their heads. "Why did Yamato leave?"

Tiger looked at Aiko. Aiko looked at the wall behind Tsunade's head, slightly regretting the promise she'd extracted out of Yamato before agreeing to see Tsunade.

"He's at the women's onsen," she shared. My, that was an interesting wall hanging. It was so fascinating, in fact, that she didn't have any mental energy left to notice that Tsunade purpled at learning where her agent had gone in a time of crisis. "I was intercepted on my way there to meet a friend."

Well, sort of. That was what she'd told Yamato. It would be impolitic to go out of her way to share that she had sought out Obito and not tried to get backup.

"I convinced him to tell my friend what had happened so she didn't think I ditched her." Sheepish, she kicked at the tatami. "I may have refused to see you until he agreed."

She didn't want to admit that, but she didn't want Yamato to get in trouble either.

Tsunade's chest expanded and then shrunk when she gave a long, tired exhalation. "He should have just-" She cut off, something stricken entering her tone. Her eyes widened guiltily, focusing on Aiko's face.

'I am definitely missing something. What was she about to say?'

The Hokage coughed into her fist, angling her face down so that tawny eyelashes hid her expressive eyes. "Very well. Bring me Nara Shikaku and Hatake Kakashi." She gave a strange sort of laugh. "I doubt either of them has quite made it home yet."

'They wouldn't have made it home yet? Is something else going on?'

"Hai, Hokage-sama." Tiger's bow deepened, and then he was gone. In his wake shunshin traces arced down the long hallway, leaving the two kunoichi alone.

"Uzumaki." Bare feet whispered against the matted floor, passing Aiko for a room off the hall. "Describe this encounter. Who initiated contact?"

The Hokage, Aiko reflected grimly, was no fool.

"I was almost in the onsen when he allowed me to sense his chakra." Aiko swallowed. "Presumably, my ANBU guard had just retreated to give me privacy to bathe. I can only assume-"

"That he had already been observing you, yes." Tsunade's mouth was pinched. "So you allowed him to bait you out?"

She couldn't speak. So she nodded confirmation.

"I don't think I have to tell you how stupid that was."

No. Aiko knew it had been reckless even as she'd done it. Obito was dangerous enough when he hadn't picked the field of confrontation. Following him had been unforgivably asinine.

'I'd do the same thing again.'

Amber eyes bored into her, heavy with the full knowledge of exactly what Aiko had been thinking. Tsunade blinked, breaking the trance. "What did he do? Did he attempt to hurt you?"

She could all but physically feel the analytical assessment checking her for signs of damage.

"No." She cleared her throat. "He expressed no desire to harm me, although he did make a point of off-handedly mentioning the damage that I did to his plan." There was absolutely no abashment in her tone. If Obito had hoped to make her feel guilty, he would have to cope with disappointment. "He offered an incoherent apology, gave me two packages that Yamato confiscated, and then said something…" she trailed off, closing her eyes to better remember his exact words.

She could still see the easy sincerity on Obito's face. "He said, 'I apologize for what I'm going to do, but I promise that it'll work out.'" Aiko paused, parroting the rhythm he'd used. "'You'll see,'" she finished tonelessly.

Because that wasn't ominous as fuck.

Tsunade began to pace, fingers locked behind her back. "Aa. Do you have any idea what he could be referring to? How his plans might have changed after you left? If he is still pursuing jinchuuriki?"

Aiko shook her head. She didn't bother to clarify. She'd already told Tsunade everything she knew about Obito's old plan. Anything else he thought of would be news to her- although she seriously doubted his ability to come up with something usable. If he'd had any options, he wouldn't have clung to the same unworkable plan for so long.

Saying those things might have been helpful, but she'd gotten the message by now that no one cared to hear her personal assessments of Obito.

If she hadn't looked at that precise moment, she wouldn't have seen that Tsunade's interlocked fingers were white with tension. Aiko's eyes widened, fixating on the crack in her façade of emotional control.

"Hokage-sama?"

And then the Hokage turned, and the moment was over. Aiko reluctantly tore her eyes away to check the newcomer.

An older man- forties or older, perhaps, with dark hair and attractive scarring- was inclining his head to Tsunade. The instant he was finished, the straight line of his spine relaxed and he seemed to be another person altogether.

Tsunade didn't waste any time on frivolities. "Nara-san. We have had another security breach by the Akatsuki Tobi."

'If I didn't know any better, I'd say that she was completely relaxed,' Aiko marveled, fidgeting.

She paid attention again when Nara heaved a sigh, hands shoved deeply into his pockets. "It's always something." His eyes were much keener than his tone. Aiko repressed a shiver, refusing to look away. "Did he bother Uzumaki-san again?"

"Yes." Tsunade's tone was short. "He made a point of mirroring a previous incident, although this time he approached her before she got in the onsen instead of afterward."

Wait. What? Aiko gaped at the implications of that comment.

'Obito, you filthy fucking perv! I had no idea.'

"That is likely intended to make a point to you, not Uzumaki-san." He nodded politely at her in acknowledgment.

"Yes." The two Jounin followed when Tsunade set off briskly, leaving the hallway behind. "Aiko. I presume the ANBU at the perimeter took the suspicious packages that Yamato-san confiscated?"

"Umm-" it took a moment for her to remember. "Yes, that's right."

As they rounded a corner, no less than three ANBU appeared kneeling in front of them. Tsunade halted, hips swaying. "Have you discovered anything hazardous?" A bowed head shook in denial. "I see. Bring a mission report form to Uzumaki-san and the materials from Tobi to Nara-san for analysis. Aiko, I want you to write down everything you remember."

'That guy is going to analyze my pornography and clothes. What is my life even. What. Why.'

Her tone brooked no dissent, so Aiko just nodded. When a folder and pen were proffered, Aiko took them without complaint.

"You can just sit anywhere." Tsunade gestured distractedly at the room, indicating the kotatsu and cushions. One of the ANBU had already gone, but the others took up posts beside the door.

The cushions were appealing at the moment. Aiko sank down onto one, wiggling just enough to get everything below her hips under the blanket on the kotatsu. Some chivalrous ANBU switched on the heat without being asked. She shot him a grateful look and set pen to paper.

'I'm going to tattle the hell on Obito. Crazypants. I can't believe he said Zetsu was dead. I killed the crap out of Zetsu.'

Aiko frowned thoughtfully, sucking on the end of her pen. 'Maybe I didn't kill him well enough. That would suck. I don't think he liked me even before I smote him.'

Tsunade was still giving orders, talking quickly with her ANBU and Nara-san, when chakra fluttered politely outside the room. "In fact-" She inhaled sharply, and then relaxed. "Oh good, I was wondering what happened to you two. Mitarashi, why are you here?"

Aiko glanced up to see that Yamato had finally returned with Anko at one side and Kakashi on the other.

'Oh god. What is Anko going to think about all this?'

"That's the friend I asked him to get," Aiko spoke up. Who, you know, on second thought, probably shouldn't have been dragged to the Hokage's home at ten thirty at night while her hair was still piled up in a towel. Oops. She flashed Anko a, 'hey, what can you do' sort of smile and then ducked her head back over the report, letting her hair cover her face.

There was a pause and Tsunade gave the two young women a narrow-eyed look, heavy with meaning. "The friend from the bar?"

Something about the tone clearly put Anko on alert. The older woman gave Tsunade a vaguely suspicious look and pressed her back flatter against the wall. She did look a little suspicious wearing her usual mesh but accessorizing it with a towel over her wet hair.

Aiko could all but hear Tsunade's raised eyebrow and the rest of what went unsaid. For instance, the part where Aiko had let Shizune assume that she'd tumbled into bed with some drunk stranger instead of coming home.

Aiko frowned. That was almost exactly what had happened, except it hadn't been as fun as Shizune had likely assumed.

'Shizune is a rotten tattletale.' Aiko filed that away for future notice and became very busy writing her report. It was imperative that Nara-san have it as soon as possible, after all. It was probably going to be more helpful to national security than her spare bras. Which he was probably inspecting at this very moment in this very house. Oh god.

'Surreal. Better to not think about that.'

What had she been thinking about? Oh, right. Shizune's gossip. It was probably too late to learn how to travel back in time and lie to Shizune about where she'd spent her night. And if she learned time travel, there were probably more important things to rectify. She had so many regrets about the past year of her life, and thinking about Obito only made them sharper. For example…

'On a second go, I'd get the pink holster.' Aiko tapped her fingers against the bone normally covered by the red kunai holster she habitually wore on her hip. Index finger, middle finger, ring finger. Then she tapped all of them at once. Tap tap tap. For a novelty item based off a movie adaptation of erotic literature, the leather weapons holster was surprisingly high quality equipment. She could have accessorized more carefully if she'd had the full range of colors.

"Are you almost done?" Tsunade's voice in an adjoining room carried more strain than Aiko thought it really should have. Aiko straightened her back and gave a stretch before settling back down.

"Almost," she called.

When written in cold, black ink, her conversation with Obito was much easier to cope with. He'd attempted to give the impression that he had come to assuage his curiosity about her survival, but that was a lie. That could be why he'd come to Konoha, but that didn't explain why he had stopped to talk to her. He'd obviously had her under observation.

His agenda was harder to pin down, but she kept eliminating possibilities. She flexed her feet under the table, relaxing a bit as heat seeped into her bones. Tsunade's personal rooms were much warmer than the rest of the sprawling traditional home- perhaps she only warmed the areas that she frequented.

Apologizing to her hadn't been his real agenda, and neither had returning her clothes. Those were all surface, weak excuses he could use to justify the trip.

"Aiko, did you hear that?" She jerked to attention, seeing that Tsunade was gesturing to Nara-san. "Do you think Tobi would have left for the moment? Did he get what he wanted?"

That was a harder question than it initially appeared to be. Obito's mind was a twisty place. If he hadn't come for a fight, it was hard to know what he had wanted.

She hesitated to answer, running her tongue along the side of her gums. "I don't know much. He implied that the sole purpose of his trip was the interaction he initiated, but he wouldn't balk at lying to me."

"Do you remember the conversation word for word?" Tsunade stepped fully back into the room, dismissing someone with a hand wave.

She closed her eyes to think, scanning her recollection. "Yes, or very close to it," Aiko said slowly. She pried her eyes open. "He was unstable. Like he was critiquing himself aloud." She cleared her throat. "He claimed that Kakuzu had abandoned him and that his only comrade left was Zetsu. There was one thing that stuck out as alarming to me."

Behind Tsunade, Yamato leaned forward to hear.

She could still see the easy sincerity on Obito's face. "He said, 'I apologize for what I'm going to do, but I promise that it'll work out.'" Aiko paused, still parroting the rhythm he'd used. "'You'll see,'" she finished tonelessly.

No one breathed.

"Sounds like a nice guy," Anko said conversationally, breaking the solemn moment. "Does he have a brother?"

If there was a group reaction to that, Aiko missed it because she had pressed her face into her hands to stifle an inappropriate grin.

She tugged down the presumably stolen white towel from her hair and balled it against her hip. "Who the hell are we talking about? The Akatsuki who kidnapped Aiko?" She shrugged negligently, somehow appearing disinterested despite her prying.

"One of them," Tsunade acknowledged distantly.

Oh right, Anko wouldn't know-

One of them? Meaning other Akatsuki had kidnapped her?

"Wait, what?" Aiko let her face fall into unconcealed bafflement. "What are you talking about?"

'What other Akatsuki could she mean? Surely not Kakuzu-kun.'

Yamato gave her a mildly pitying expression. Anko coughed into her closed fist, looking embarrassed. Tsunade just rolled her eyes and gave the wall a long-suffering stare.

"Seriously, what does that mean?"

"We don't have time to explain all the fatuous situations you get into," Tsunade bit out, sounding as though she wished she didn't know the details. "We need…" She trailed off, mind working at top speed. "We need you under watch," Tsunade decided firmly. "Madara has only approached you when you are alone."

(Anko gave a start at that name, knocking her head against the wall in a way that did not fit with her persona of cool grace).

"I'll take this information under advisement, but I need to consult someone else." Tsunade's harried eyes flickered towards the door a full second before Aiko registered that there had been a subtle chakra pulse on the other side. "Mitarashi, you can lead a search team. Yamato, stay with Aiko. There's something that I'll need to talk to you about when I have time. You can wait in the front rooms or you can return."

Anko gave the window a longing glance, but turned and left the conventional way. Whoever had just signaled the Hokage was nowhere to be seen. Aiko stepped in line behind her, Yamato on her heels. As they filed out, a thought occurred.

"We have free time," she said casually, nodding significantly to the blank stretch of wall that a scent trail lid up to before disappearing. She didn't get anything so gratifying as a surprised curse or chakra flicker in response to her greeting, but hopefully she'd startled some poor bastard in a damn good hiding place. "And you said there was no time for us to get my hot chocolate."

Yamato sighed.

Yamato's breathing had settled into a pointedly slow, calm pattern. Aiko was sure that if she looked over, she would see that he was demonstrating the concept of patience. Ba. By the time she made it to see the Hokage again, two hours had passed and her hot chocolate was sugary dregs slowly crystallizing into mush. Also, she had been accused of melodrama, which was totally fucking ridiculous. Fingers numb, Aiko dug a thumbnail into the Styrofoam cup that she held against her shins, missing the heat of her candied drink.

'I'm going to die here on this tacky chair. I'm going to freeze to death because the Hokage is too cheap to heat her house. She can't be that poor. She's the freaking Hokage. And everything smells like ink.'

Aiko grimaced, wishing that she could plug her nose with cotton. Why did everything in this town have to stink? Shouldn't a place with so many dog-nin be sensitive to how they reeked?

From his seat in an anteroom of the Hokage's home, Yamato shot her a look, a thin line pressed between his brows and an uncertain frown tugging his lips down.

She wiggled her heels against the edge of the chair, noting that her skin was too numb to register the feeling. Somehow her chin had just enough nerve endings left to register the miserable chill of her bare knees.

'It's somehow so much worse when I'm not moving around.'

"It's really not that cold in here."

"Lies," she responded morosely without thinking.

He gave a snort. Despite his words, Yamato leaned over and wrapped his left arm around her shoulders to rub at the space between her shoulder blades. Aiko shivered, unfolding just enough to push back into his hand.

'That feels good. He's really warm. Or maybe I just have poor circulation.'

"Remind me not to take you to Lightning Country." His thumb dug into the taut muscles where her neck and shoulder joined.

It was a dumb joke, but her eyes fluttered shut and she unconsciously leaned towards his low voice. She was just so tired of all this bullshit. It wouldn't hurt to rest her head against his leg for a moment.

"Aiko? Yamato?"

That was someone else entirely. Someone she had not heard enter the room.

'Did I just fall asleep?' Unsettled, Aiko let her brow crease and lifted her head to better pay attention.

Shizune stood in a beam of tired moonlight in the now-open door, eyes haggard and miserable. "Is something else wrong?"

'What's that meant to mean?'

Broad fingers gave one last massaging movement into her shoulder before Yamato stood professionally and gave Shizune a slight bow. "I'm afraid so." His shirt rustled when he straightened. "The Hokage should have received a message about an hour ago about an intruder in the village. She took a written report from Aiko-san and asked us to return at her convenience. I assumed that she would require a more detailed debriefing as soon as she had a moment."

"Oh, that." Shizune snapped her fingers. "Of course. I haven't spoken to her in about two hours, but I noted the search patrols." She stepped further into the room, letting the door to the outer building slide shut behind her. "It's just not our week, I'm afraid." There was something sympathetic in the way her dark eyes slid over to the chair Aiko was still curled up in like a child.

Then she sighed and the moment was gone.

"You two might as well follow me. Tsunade-sama can pass off what she's doing now to me while she receives your report." Dutifully, Shizune made her way to the door where two ANBU had taken Obito's suspicious giftbags off of Yamato's hands and pushed it open. The ANBU didn't bother to materialize to halt her approach.

'Why would they? Shizune has higher clearance than they do.'

When Aiko tried to get up she stumbled, nearly falling before she adjusted to the fact that her legs had fallen asleep. Yamato offered a steadying hand that she ignored. He stood still for a second, which was just enough time for Aiko to muscle past him. With some concentration, she made sure her expression was impassive enough.

"Thank god." Tsunade blurted out, breaking into a thin smile when her older apprentice crested the corner. "I was starting to think you'd left me to this." At some point, the Hokage had changed into her regular clothes, although her jacket was wrinkled and her hair falling loosely over her shoulders.

"Never," Shizune promised seriously. She did glance around the room, holding an arm out to accept a stack of files. "Where did-"

"I sent Sasuke home," Tsunade explained, apparently understanding her apprentice without the full question. "Someone has to be sentient enough to manage the hospital tomorrow, and it's starting to look like both of us are going to be in a right state." She waved her left hand, seeming to indicate either the room or Konoha as a whole. "And…"

Aiko shrugged a shoulder in greeting, not moving the hands she had wrapped around her torso for warmth. Rustling indicated that Yamato had gifted the Hokage with a proper bow.

"Oh, hell," Tsunade said simply. "Forget you were still waiting. I had a question about timing, actually. Aiko didn't give an exact time for the confrontation. How long exactly has it been since your encounter-" she cut herself off, shaking her head. "Doesn't matter," she said in a very quiet tone, presumably to convince herself.

'She really is having an awful night.'

The Hokage ran a hand through her loose hair, rubbing a few strands between a thumb and forefinger. "I had the sweep report in eight minutes ago." She looked at Yamato for a moment, and then settled her gaze on Aiko. "No one reported any sightings of Tobi in Konoha. It is likely that he is gone."

Some tension that Aiko hadn't noticed slipped out.

"Don't thank me yet." Tsunade's expression was regretful, mouth turned down. "I said there wasn't another sighting of him in Konoha tonight. I had a report of Tobi harassing your brother's team in the Land of Iron about forty minutes before you tried to check in."

Electricity sung through her veins, tingling sensation back into twitching fingers.

It couldn't be true. Obito wouldn't-

"I apologize for what I'm about to do," Obito murmured.

That had been what he'd said, hadn't it?

'He meant Naruto. He thinks an apology would make up for taking Naruto away from me. That bastard. That spider-infested floral-fucking-scented cowardly bastard. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to fucking kill him.'

Just like that, all the work that Yamato had done to relax her muscles was undone.

Yamato gaped. "How is that possible, Hokage-sama?" A hand clenched convulsively against his thigh. "I didn't personally see the intruder, but Aiko would know-"

"Kamui, remember?" Tsunade interrupted sourly. "Additionally, Naruto's report had hours of delay. His summons are fast, but they can't Hiraishin just yet." She sat up a little straighter, amber eyes glinting. "Naruto and his team are fine, don't worry. But it's been made clear that he's a target." Grim, the Hokage's eyes slid halfway shut and her jaw tensed. "No harm was done. It seems that something about the situation caused Tobi to reassess. But he'll try again later. He'll have to if he still intends to collect the bijuu."

'That timeline doesn't make sense.' Aiko let her mouth fall slightly open. 'If- if the report came to Tsunade before we did, that means Obito approached Naruto first. But if that'd happened, why apologize in the future tense?'

Well. Other than that he'd failed. He could have been referring to his future plans. But he hadn't seemed like a man who had just come from a failed confrontation.

It just didn't quite work, no matter how she looked at it. She felt an ugly premonition that something she didn't see was about to nip at her heels.

"I don't get it." The older shinobi focused on her with an intensity that would have made a lesser woman quail. "It doesn't quite make sense," Aiko explained, frowning. No matter what they said, she knew Obito. This scenario didn't fit his modus operandi as far as she could tell. Perhaps another shinobi would back down at seeing a full team of Konoha Jounin, the leader of Ame, and the team of Samurai who were her official escorts, but it didn't seem like Obito to walk into that situation without knowing exactly who he was about to confront.

Before Tsunade could speak, she shook her head. "He doesn't do things like that. Whatever happened, he didn't fail, and I doubt that he was put on the run. His chakra levels were normal and I didn't see any evidence of stress or agitation." That, of course, meant that, "Whatever his aim was, he succeeded in it."

'Does that mean he succeeded with the other jinchuuriki? Did I actually save Fuu and the Mist-nin, or did he get what he needed?'

Tsunade's face twisted and she let out a curse that made Yamato turn pink. "I don't need this." The Hokage dug her fingers into her hair and glanced up just enough to glare at Aiko. "You're certain about this?"

She tensed the muscles in her legs, acid and energy building up into the potential for violence. "Yes." Her teeth clipped together sharply. "There's something else that I can't put my finger on, but I know that. He doesn't back down, even when he should. He wouldn't retreat unless physically forced to, and he wouldn't have been in the healthy condition I saw if that was the case."

'I know something. What is it? I'm trying to make a connection, I know it.'

Aiko tasted blood. That was the only reason she realized she was gnawing at the flesh of her cheek. Her right cheek had split open between her teeth, and she still clenched her jaw, worrying at the meat.

"If you know something," Tsunade began, leaning forward. "Anything at all-"

"I know it, it's just not coming to me," Aiko snapped. She licked blood off her teeth and sucked at it, wallowing. It was like sucking on dirty old coins. The idea that she wouldn't share information that could help Naruto and Karin and Hinata was insulting beyond belief. She'd kill to keep them safe. She had.

"That team shouldn't be alone in these circumstances," Shizune said quietly. "They're a good team, but they're young and not that experienced. But we just aren't ready to depart, yet. Not with the political climate this way."

There had to be something.

"Yes. And even if we set out tomorrow they'd be out in the field alone for weeks." Tsunade sounded as if she had already considered every angle of this.

Anything.

'If I had re-mastered the Hiraishin, it wouldn't matter. Travel time wouldn't be an issue and then I could be there to make sure nothing happens. Tsunade and Shizune could go back and forth as needed to keep things under control.'

She wrapped a hand around the end of her braid and pulled, not noticing when her scalp began to ache and stretch from the abuse.

Naruto was in danger. Maybe Obito had already gotten what he needed. Maybe it was like her inkless Hiraishin seals- a danger that couldn't be seen until it was too late.

There had to be something.

But what? Self-loathing tore through her chest. She couldn't just make her head straighten out. And god, what a stupid fucking failure, unable to put together the things in her own head in her own memory she was a moron and-

"Yamanaka." Aiko let go of her hair and looked back to Tsunade. "Yamanaka Inoichi or my therapist or whoever, I don't care. Just get me a Yamanaka. I need all my memories back now. We need Hiraishin so we can go without worrying about the atmosphere here, and I need to know what it is that's wrong about this situation."

Shizune's eyes widened, and she took a step into Aiko's personal space to make a peace-keeping gesture. "No one is asking that. You had a bad reaction to mind jutsu," she reminded.

She said that like Aiko had forgotten or something.

"It's not completely safe," Tsunade warned. "Your therapy was meant to be scheduled over months of appointments. The mind is nearly unpredictable." Her tone was hard. But she wasn't saying no. Shizune shot her mentor a betrayed expression, shock pulling her lips apart. But the Hokage's eyes were cold, utilitarian. "It's not even guaranteed to help," she continued. "You might end up too confused to be of any use regardless. I won't force you."

'That's a laugh. It's my idea.'

"You don't need to." Decisive, Aiko tilted her chin up to look down at the Hokage over her cheekbones. "I'm telling you what I'm going to do. Get me a Yamanaka. I need to know what I know."

Horrified, Shizune stared at the two lighter-haired women. Her mentor was dangerously still, eyes narrowed so that her blonde lashes covered most of her pupils. "You don't give me orders," Tsunade said very, very quietly. Aiko wasn't entirely certain if she was pissed or considering, measuring something only she could see.

Aiko met her gaze and didn't back down, feeling a snarl rising in her throat. She closed her lips against it so that it only roiled and shook the roof of her mouth.

'I'm right. Naruto is in danger and I'm not playing games.'

"Let's just all calm down!" Yamato raised his hands, drawing peripheral attention with just a hint of nervousness in his voice. It was amazing how he could sink into the background. Neither woman broke their staring match. "Hokage-sama, would you like me to fetch Yamanaka-san?"

A slender, fine muscle tensed in Tsunade's neck. She licked her lower lip and opened her mouth with obvious hesitation. "Yes," the older woman allowed. She looked away, back to the only man in the room. "Get me Yamanaka Inoichi. Bring him to my office at the hospital. We'll move there."

Yamato left. Shizune fled a moment later, waving the papers she'd collected from Tsunade's hands like a talisman against evil.

Aiko took a deep breath in through her mouth, intentionally steadying her heartbeat. It was racing out of control.

"Aiko." Tsunade's voice was without inflection or discernible tone. "If this works, we will leave tomorrow."

She nodded, deliberate and slow. Now that they were alone, the older woman seemed much more sorrowful than aggressive.

Yamanaka Inoichi walked into the examination room adjoining Tsunade's hospital office (how many offices did one women really need?) only fifteen minutes after Yamato had ran to fetch him. The situation had settled into sullen silence that he didn't give any indication of noticing.

Tsunade rose gracefully to greet him, sleeves sweeping up. The effect was undermined by the painful-sounding crack that her back gave.

'She's what, seventy years old?' Aiko subtly rubbed at her chest without straightening her posture. 'She shouldn't be doing this anymore. She shouldn't be up all night dealing with external threats and then pacifying internal tensions in the day.'

Aiko was suddenly hyper conscious of her own aching eyes and the crisp burn in her nostrils from harsh chemical cleaners.

"Inoichi-san." The Hokage's voice was level. The Yamanaka took his cue from her and bowed politely.

'Apparently we're going to ignore the facts that she's super old and that he just walked in wearing his pajamas. That's cool too.'

"Hokage-sama," Inoichi murmured.

He did wear them with a surprising amount of dignity, Aiko decided. You know, for a fifty year old man in jammies patterned with atrocious cartoon kawaii kunai. They had smiley faces nestled in the handle loops.

"What do you need of me?"

Tsunade dug a knuckle into the curve between her eye and nose, rubbing at tension. "We need you to do everything you can to restore Aiko-chan's memory, now," she said simply. The wounded pride of earlier was gone. She just looked tired.

And for the first time, Aiko wondered if that anger hadn't been directed at herself, not anger that Aiko had challenged her but anger that the situation had come to this point. But that was nuts. Tsunade couldn't possibly be that masochistic or overly protective.

"Hokage-sama!" Inoichi glanced at Aiko and then back immediately, flustered. His ponytail whipped behind him, just the slightest bit frizzy from sleep. "That is inadvisable."

Aiko uncrossed her arms and straightened her back, no longer feigning nonchalant disregard. Now wasn't the time to look like a grumpy teenage dissident.

Tsunade's shoulders rose a millimeter in defensive tension. "It's necessary,"

"I'm ready." Aiko took a step forward, forcing the Yamanaka to pay attention to her instead of arguing with the Hokage. "I understand there are risks."

When he did look at her, Aiko wasn't sure that he was really seeing her. There was far too much pained fondness in the creases around his eyes.

"Well, you will survive." He exhaled, fluttering the thin material on his chest. "I do know better than to argue with young women." He settled into the doctor's chair, gesturing for Aiko to sit on the bed. "Let's see what we can do, hmm?" He made eye contact. She held her breath and looked into the watery blue iris where there should have been a pupil. Then they spun away into black and white, a dimension that Aiko was quite attached to falling away in the process. What little remained of her stomach twisted.

On that first attempt, Aiko lasted twenty three minutes and seventeen seconds before she threw up. She came back to consciousness with the familiar sounds of Tsunade's cursing ringing in her ears. It took a moment for her to place it- Sasuke. It reminded her of Sasuke. He'd picked up a lot of creative profanities from his apprenticeship, apparently.

"Damnit." Disgusted, the medic strode over to the sink and wet a towel. "Clean up the worst of it," she ordered. "I'll get you a drink." Dazed, it took Aiko a moment to comply. Her breathing was hard, and her chest shaking. There were foamy flecks of old chocolate drink on her skirt. The glass of cold water Tsunade offered sort of helped. Not really.

"I'd get a hospital gown, but there's no point in her changing if this is going to happen again," Tsunade's voice warbled across the room, going up and down and sideways in ways it had no license to be doing. "Yamanaka, progress?"

The hospital tile really was ugly. Aiko took a deep breath, inhaling a sour stench that was somehow competing with antiseptic cleaners, and tried to count the gray flecks on the off white square directly between her toes.

"I need that much time again, and I think I'll be done," he said with a sort of pained sympathy.

Oh god. She'd hoped to be done in one long go and held out as long as she could.

Aiko threw up again, heaving up putrid fluid and tucking her head between her open thighs. Ino's dad pushed his chair back to avoid splatter on those ratty sandals he always wore. God, he hadn't replaced those yet? So cheap.

Their second attempt spanned two minutes of nervously attempting to pretend she was anywhere else. Anywhere other than in claustrophobic pressure while information slotted wildly into place in her head, clanging and chittering and begging for attention that she didn't have time to give it there was just too much at once coming too fast-

She hyperventilated, chest aching from the force her heart was pounding it with.

"Damnit." Tsunade gritted out, a pin-straight figure looming in the sudden onslaught of light and color and sensation. "Calm down. Breathe for a moment." Her voice was soothing, but the intensity of her expression made Aiko's heart race. "Aiko, get your head together. We nee-"

"Hokage-sama. Perhaps it would be better if you would leave," Inoichi said sweetly, turning an expression Aiko couldn't see on the older woman.

'Did he just-'

Yes. Judging by the offended way that Tsunade lifted her head and stalked out, he really had just kicked the Hokage out of her own office. Inoichi turned back to her, pleasant professionalism on every inch of his features. The cartoon kunai on his button-up top wrinkled cheerily. "If it would help for us to take a short break before we resume, I would be amenable," he said. "I do recommend that we attempt to make each session last as long as possible, for your sake."

Despite her best efforts, it took four more attempts to cumulatively match the progress of her first session. By the end of it, Aiko was a shuddering wreck, plastered to the bed by sweat and anchored by the fingers clenched into the plastic mattress covering, joints stiffened past the point of pain. The paper sheet was torn, ruined under her hands.

"Take deep breaths."

She complied. The room slowed a little bit, but it was still spinning in a way it had no right to.

"Can you look at me?" She could. "How many fingers am I holding up? When did you meet the current Hokage? Remind me, who was your Academy teacher?"

She rattled her brains for the last one, taking a moment to remember Iruka-sensei. Which was bizarre. She'd spent a lot of time with him. So did someone else. Naruto? Yeah, Naruto.

Inoichi gave a nod, relief bleeding into his expression. "Excellent, Aiko-chan. What's your identification number?"

Aiko froze at that one, wide-eyed. She had three. She knew that she had three identification numbers before she remembered why or what they were. It took a few seconds to retrieve the information: There was the code she'd gotten assigned as a genin, her ANBU identification, and the false id she'd used in Root for personnel checks.

'Don't be thick. He'll want the first one.'

When she carefully listed it off, Inoichi seemed to decide she was as good as he could expect her to be.

Ino's dad unfolded from his chair, knees creaking. If Ino hadn't pointed it out, she might have missed the facial twitch that betrayed the pain his old wounds gave him. Without thinking, Aiko stood to steady his weak side. He ended up being the one to support her. The look he gave her was wryly knowing.

"I keep telling Ino-chan that I don't need her worry." Still, he gave her hand a paternal squeeze before lifting it off his arm. "Glad to have you back."

"Good to be back," Aiko replied automatically, eking out the polite lie and listing slightly to the side. She widened her stance to improve her balance. She stopped moving, but the room didn't, spinning slow and rebellious.

'This was not my best night.'

He seemed to know what she was thinking, carefully not looking down at the dried vomit plastering her skirt to her legs.

"I'm certain that Tsunade-sama will send in a change for you." He turned the doorknob, giving one last polite nod that stretched out for more time than it was allowed to and was then suddenly over. "I'll go relay the good news."

"And then go to bed." She smiled weakly, indicating his pajamas. "Have a good night, Inoichi-san."

The night passed in bits and pieces, sliding out of focus. Aiko stepped into the shower and then realized that she was pulling on a Jounin uniform while Anko explained something funny that had happened at work the other day. Then Yamato was there, a bruise blooming under his left eye that he didn't quite explain before she noticed that she was in the Hokage's office going over her encounter with Obito and the details of their trip to the Land of Iron.

"Should she be alone like this?" Anko smelled like a milk-based soap, sweet and whole. Oh, right. She'd gone to the hot springs. When had she showed up? Aiko tilted her head back to blink up at the special jounin, eyes focusing on a strand of surprisingly long purple hair.

She'd missed something. People had moved around the room. Oh, hello Kakashi. She waved with her free hand.

Anko carefully pulled her hair out of Aiko's grip, agreeing with whatever the Hokage had just said. "Come on, then. We're having a sleepover with your bummer teetotaler bodyguard." Her tone didn't match her words- like Anko was perhaps not as displeased as she wanted to seem. Aiko shot a curious glance to Yamato and grabbed his arm, linking their limbs before he could lurch away or protest. But that didn't seem fair; Anko was left out of the chain. Aiko held her left elbow out wordlessly and Anko copied the linking motion Aiko had made to trap Yamato with a wry look over Aiko's head at someone Aiko didn't remember. They stumbled to someone's apartment that way. Aiko wasn't sure whose it was.

No matter how invitingly Aiko patted the futon, Yamato shook his head and refused to join her in curling up against Anko.

Wasn't he tired? He was going to be cold if he slept like that, arms crossed defensively over his chest. And his face was pink, probably already fevered.

"Don't worry," Anko drawled, sounding oddly close to laughter as she physically restrained Aiko from wobbling over to pull Yamato to lie down for his own good. "I'm sure that he'll regret that eventually. We'll get him."

"To bed?" Aiko confirmed, obediently curling against the older girl's front.

"Yes." Anko choked, petting the back of Aiko's head, inadvertently pushing her nose further into the mesh over her chest. "We'll get him to bed. That's a verb. That shit holds together, sweet pea."

Aiko hummed, nuzzling in.

She woke up at first light with a choked sob of pain. There was a sudden flurry of movement, but all Aiko could think to do was press her palms down over her eyes.

"Oh." Yamato, she identified the man's voice. "Just a moment." She swallowed hard, registering the sound of blinds being drawn over the pounding in her ears. "Is that better?"

"I…" she trailed off, unsure. "Maybe."

"Aiko." His voice was gentle. "Let's pull your hands off your face and see, alright?"

She really didn't want to. She didn't think she could do it herself, no matter how much it needed to be done. He must have seen that in the set of her mouth, because he knelt by the futon with a deliberate rustle of fabric and gently pried at her hands. She blinked into the dim light, feeling tears cling to her lashes. It hurt, damnit. But she could handle it.

Brow furrowed in concentration, Yamato wiped a droplet away and frowned at her. "There's a lot of redness," he said dubiously.

It took a moment to think that one through. Light sensitivity made sense, but redness?

'I was probably rubbing at them in the night and just irritated them more. All the stress and mind jutsu couldn't have possibly done anything to mitigate whatever's wrong with my Rinnegan.'

Anko cursed, wiggling out of the covers and twisting on the floor to have a look for herself. "There is," she agreed, an unhappy twist to her mouth. "I'll get Shizune."

"Get Sasuke," Yamato corrected, not unkindly. "I think we'd be better off with a medic who slept in the last twenty four hours."

Anko snorted in quiet concession, rotating her shoulders and maneuvering with a little shake in order to re-position the flesh colored fabric that had apparently slipped down under her mesh in a revolt against decency while they slept. "Fair enough, shitface. I'll be right fucking back."

Aiko tore her gaze away from the very interesting movements that Anko had been making just early enough to notice that Yamato had also been watching with wide eyes. She raised an eyebrow at him. He flushed and scooted backwards, skin a brilliant pink.

She carefully waited until the door had closed behind Anko to admit, "She's really sexy. I wish I looked like that."

Wasn't the first time the thought had crossed her mind. She'd wanted to look like Anko the first time she saw her naked in the hot springs-

Aiko flushed, suddenly thankful that there were no mindwalkers in the room.

"Don't. You're not half bad yourself," Yamato replied absently, still staring at his knees. "Different, but still attractive."

She could pinpoint the millisecond that he registered what he'd said by the tightening of his shoulders. Her mouth fell open. One of her first crushes- the man who'd been her best eye candy for years- well. "I thought you were incredibly good looking the first time I met you," Aiko shared, taking pity on his obvious humiliation. Then she paused, because that said something about the consistency of her taste. "Both times, actually," she mused aloud. "Did I really ask you-"

"If I am an underwear model?" he interrupted, strain obvious. "Yes. Please stop asking. It made me think about that time that the kazekage's sister-"

"Tried to get you to do her laundry in your swimsuit!" Aiko remembered, cracking a smile. That… Huh. That didn't seem as funny as it should. Was she jealous? She shouldn't be. Gaara had put a kibosh to the affair when he realized what the stuttering wreck of a Jounin was doing in their suites.

'Good dude, Gaara. Kinda wish I hadn't unleashed three bijuu on his country.' Aiko winced. 'Well. One hardly stayed out at all. So two bijuu, really, and two jinchuuriki.'

That didn't really sound much better, even in her head. How had he handled that? She hadn't the faintest idea.

"I should have been paying a lot more attention to current events," Aiko said ruefully, blinking down the pain and coming to a vertical position.

"You know, I often tell myself that as well," Kakashi mused.

Yamato yelped, falling onto his ass with a surprised expression. "Senpai!" he protested. "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?" He only sounded mildly curious. Aiko craned her neck to see the older man perched on the table, giving Yamato a pleasantly expectant look, like he hadn't just broken into someone else's house and waited for the optimally entertaining moment to reveal himself. "I didn't interrupt something, did I?"

'Of course he's not embarrassed,' Aiko thought with a rush of fondness. 'Shitbird.'

"Aiko-san?" Kakashi was looking at her with what she would have pegged as cool detachment yesterday. Today, it was painfully obvious that he was expectant.

"Shishou," she replied, because that was what he was asking.

The resulting smile was all the more brilliant because it wasn't a cheesy imitation- it was just creases forming around his eyes to match what she couldn't see happening under his mask.

Oh my god.

"I saw under your mask," Aiko blurted, more to herself than Kakashi. "I saw- and I didn't-"

"What?" Yamato yelped, leveling puppy eyes at Kakashi. "That's not fair. Senpai!"

"I was a bit underwhelmed by the initial reaction," Kakashi mused. He seemed disgustingly pleased with himself, almost preening.

She barely remembered what she'd seen. There's been a scar- and he was pale, but of course he was since he was always wearing that damn thing, and-

"I liked your teeth." Contemplatively, she tapped at her own. "Is that-"

"It's a dog-nin thing," he explained, dropping to the floor and ruffling Yamato's hair carelessly. The brunette was still sulking. "If you'd compare with a photo, yours are a little sharper than they were when you were a genin, before you contracted. But since you grew in your adult teeth long before you signed, you missed out on the full effect." He didn't bother to hide his amusement, lifting his pitch slightly to address Yamato. "You're still my favorite kohai, ne?" He kneed the ANBU's side.

Yamato looked up, sullen. "My feelings are still hurt."

"This is fascinating," Sasuke drawled, hip-checking the door open. He did not sound remotely fascinated. "But I think it's time for you two clowns to shut up and you to sit up so I can examine your empty skull." When Aiko didn't immediately move, he gestured impatiently to Yamato's couch. "Now."

"You got bossy in your dotage," Aiko mumbled under her breath, dodging the slap he aimed at the back of her head. "Is that really a good idea right now?"

"Can't hurt," he said blandly, taking her skull between his hands with a gentleness that belied his catastrophic bedside manner. Sasuke grunted in displeasure a moment later, but Aiko was already relaxing into the cooling relief his chakra offered. "Your tenketsu are swollen," he said, sounding personally offended. "What have you been doing?"

Oh, right.

"Is now a bad time to mention I have the Rinnegan?" Aiko murmured, leaning into his grip like an oversized dog. Dog, she needed to talk to her dogs. Would they still want to contract with her? Had they moved on? Gotten other jobs? Her chest ached at the thought, bereft.

"What?" Sasuke's grip tightened painfully for just an instant. Her world went white.

Aiko screamed, trying to wrench back away from the inhuman force digging into the side of her skull.

"Sorry!" He actually sounded flustered, ripping his hands away. "I forget how fragile people- my chakra control isn't as good as it could be," Sasuke changed tracks. His fingers hovered, clenching and unclenching.

"It's- fine. It's fine," Aiko decided, leaning back in. She swallowed, putting a hand on her chest. "It only hurt for a moment."

"Probably because bone was bending," Sasuke informed, apologetic. "I am sorry. My control slips when my temper does."

"And that won't happen again, right Sasuke-kun?" There was more than a hint of censure in Kakashi's tone.

"Right." Sasuke cleared his throat. "Ah. You were saying something about the Rinnegan?"

Instead of answering, Aiko closed her eyes, channeled chakra, and re-opened her eyelids to show off the Rinnegan.

'Would now be a good time to show the two middling stages?'

She bit at her lower lip, not realizing that was a contemplative habit she hadn't regularly indulged in for quite a long time.

It didn't seem fair to keep that information from Sasuke. But he'd always been sensitive about his family. What would that information mean to him? What did it mean in general? She'd taken for granted that these eyes had come from Nagato… But had they come from someone else beforehand? The Sharingan indicated that they could have been stolen from one of Sasuke's ancestors. That was pretty fucked up. But it wasn't really her prerogative to keep the information from him.

"There's this, too," Aiko said before she could change her mind, funneling chakra through her eyes to change to the Mangekyou and then the Sharingan.

'Wait. How did I know it was called Mangekyou?' Stunned, Aiko missed Sasuke's initial reaction. 'That wasn't anything I knew before, with Obito. I don't remember learning about it in my time in Konoha, either.'

Strange. She didn't remember learning it, but she remembered thinking about it? That didn't make any sense at all. How could she think about information that she hadn't acquired?

"At least that's something I am uniquely qualified to deal with," Sasuke was saying, just a bit unsteadily. "I've been working on the damage that airhead did to his Sharingan over twenty years of inexpert use."

Kakashi looked spectacularly uncomfortable, shoulders traveling up level with his ears.

"Down, boys," Aiko warned, reaching out to pinch Sasuke's side. He was too proud to squirm away, and too well-trained to let pain show on his face. "Both of you. Leave each other alone."

"Not Tenzou?" Kakashi asked with a pout, kicking a heel against the table leg.

Yamato wasn't being a brat to anyone else. "He's fine."

Her scumbag former shishou made an exaggerated sound of polite comprehension that prompted Sasuke's eyebrows to shoot up in question.

She wasn't interested in listening to Kakashi's play by play of the conversation he'd overheard between her and Yamato, so the subject needed to be changed. "Is there a problem or not?" Aiko pushed. "I have constant migraines, sometimes I have to lay down and avoid light. But I've been adjusting and making it work."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, placing his index fingers and thumbs against her temples. "I don't think you're about to go blind anytime soon, so that's a good sign. You actually have the chakra reserves to cope, unlike some peop-" his voice broke off in surprise, pitch veering unflatteringly high.

"Is something wrong?" It was Yamato who took a step too close, forehead creased.

"No." Sasuke drew back just enough to give her a baffled examination. "It isn't. I should give Naruto an ocular exam," he mumbled, leaving her confused for a moment before he continued in a louder tone. "You have the secondary chakra feed to your eyes that an Uchiha would," he explained, sounding personally offended by the medical anomaly. "It's not big enough. It's about the third the size of mine or Itachi's, half the size of Fukiko's." He shook his head, indicating a size with his thumb and fingers. "It's defunct from generations of disuse, I would presume. But you have an ancestor with a dojutsu somewhere in your family."

'That makes a lot of sense.'

Her lips twitched into something that definitely wasn't a smile. "I suppose that's why he knew to put them in my head."

Comprehension visibly dawned, darkening his features. "That's why you were taken-so that Akatsuki could have a Rinnegan user again." Sasuke huffed, blowing air out the side of his mouth to ruffle his bangs. "They weren't counting on how contrary you are." He sounded almost proud.

'I don't know if I'm complimented or offended.' She frowned, considering hitting him on principle. But more urgent matters distracted her. Obito. That was why she'd gone to all the confusing trouble- she needed to remember something to do with Obito. But try as she might, she didn't remember anything that would help explain how he could benefit from putting Konoha on guard to a possible attempt on Naruto.

The only people who could conceivably benefit from that were Konoha and her allies with jinchuuriki to protect. Gaara (who could protect himself)-Fuu (whose shithole village didn't seem committed to her well-being)- the two jinchuuriki in Mist, they had a lot of worry about didn't they, that was an interesting train of thought-

"Is something wrong?" Sasuke tapped the side of her head. For the first time, she noticed that her pain had been reduced. "I can't end it. It's going to be a constant, but I can relieve the pressure periodically. That'll have to be good enough."

Aiko nodded, opening her mouth to banish the irritation Sasuke seemed to be directing at himself for failing to solve a problem the first time he'd seen it. "I feel much better, thanks. I just drifted off for a moment there."

"I hear you've been doing a lot of that," Sasuke said, voice dry enough to chap her skin. "I don't know what Tsunade-shishou was thinking. That was an irresponsible decision."

"She was thinking that we don't have a lot of time," Aiko snapped, kicking him so that he backed up. She used the new space to stand. "We still don't. I should start packing."

"Already done." Yamato hooked a thumb over his shoulder at an intimidatingly oversized pack by the door. "I think it's all new equipment, assembled to match Tsunade's specifications."

She fought down a grimace. "Great," Aiko replied sourly. "I love wearing clothes that other people picked out for me. Really makes me feel like an adult."

"So does complaining, I suppose," Kakashi mused. He tapped a book to his chin thoughtfully.

Damnit, he was right. Had he always been obnoxious when he was right? She shot him an offended look that he didn't have the decency to quail from.

And for a moment, that nonchalance was unspeakably bizarre. Because she wasn't just Aiko, his student and comrade who pouted and begged pretty jutsu off of him and had nursed a thoroughly inappropriate crush once upon a time. She was also Aiko who had worn a black and red cloak and established her own niche in the criminal underworld and killed Ame nin with a giggle in her throat and thoughts in her head of the errands she needed to run at home once she was done. Aiko faltered, off-balance.

'Six months ago, I might have seriously hurt him for talking to me like that.'

The worst part of all was knowing that wasn't completely out of her original character. She'd killed Konoha citizens before- shinobi and civilians. Not always for the best of reasons, although admittedly not for anything quite that petty.

'I'm not the person he thinks I am. Maybe I never was.'

By the time she'd gathered herself, everyone had noticed the break in her composure. No one said anything.

"I should change." She pulled at her collar of her dark blue shirt and wondered where she'd put the headband and vest last night when she went to bed.

As if he knew what she was thinking, Yamato gathered and proffered the missing parts of her uniform. "Bathroom is that-"

"I know where it is," Aiko interrupted, giving him a disbelieving look. "This is the same layout as my old apartment."

Although it was obviously not the same building. The walls carried a much fresher wood scent, with the characteristic sweetness of Hashirama wood instead of old pine. It was less familiar and homey.

Yamato scratched the back of his head and looked away. "Right."

[satanfemme]

hey. i'm thinking of doing my top too but i am: scared and also: worried. how did u know you wanted it?

As a heads up, I'm gonna give you a different answer than what most other trans men are going to tell you about top surgery. ime, most men describe it as necessary, to relieve painful dysphoria, etc. which I'm sure are reasons you've heard before! but just know going into this response that ur gonna get something a lil unusual! thank u

so at the time I received top, I was 18-19 (decided I wanted to go forward it at 18, received it 2 months into being 19), tho ofc I'd already fantasized about it for years at that point too. I also identified as "just" nonbinary at that point, preferred they/them pronouns, and wanted to be fully androgynous in a genderless sort of way.... ironic considering how androgynous in a gender-FULL way I am now hdfjhgdfgfg. but! importantly, I also didn't experience dysphoria!!!!! + I still don't!

I did experience "social dysphoria", but since this was fully in relation to how others were treating me, rather than my actual body or some kind of internal angst, I never felt comfy calling it dysphoria. this is especially relevant in the case of surgery ofc, because I never had a moment where I saw my breasts pre-top and felt miserable over them or anything. no crying in the mirror moments for me, not over this, sorry. like, I've joked on here before about how I prefer being topless/nude whenever in private? well this was completely true pre-top as well, I was constantly tits out a lot of the time and this simply wasn't a problem for me. ffs I was too lazy to bind at ALL in the months leading up to my surgery, and didn't own bras post-middle school. so I was literally counting down the days til my breasts would be removed, while also just kinda letting them do whatever they wanted under my shirt anyway cause I couldn't be bothered. my "problem" with them was only that others would misgender me, whether they knew my pronouns/gender or not. so I wanted to find ways to masculinize myself somewhat, top surgery was one of those ways.

but that's only half the reason ofc! when I refer to transition related surgery as "plastic surgery" I'm only half kidding, because tho I know most others wouldn't label it that way, this is genuinely how I see it personally. idk whether or not I'd have gone thru with it just for strangers to read me a certain way, but it doesn't matter cause in reality a lot of my motivation was internally driven.... in that: I thought it'd look cute 💁‍♂️. u know when you're a kid and you imagine your ideal adulthood self? for me I would imagine a very genderless body, while I played with gothic fashion over it. wrt the former I'd imagine a flat chest, no visible genitalia under my bush, a general twink-y look. and I even briefly considered not getting nipple grafts, to contribute to this fully neutrois, almost inhuman, aesthetic. (my primary gender identities at the time were "neutrois" and "angel" to give u a better taste of the vibes here). but like I said, this wasn't in any way an angst to me, but rather thoughts I had in the same vein as when people casually wish their jawline was a "better" shape, their hair was shinier, or that they had a different eye color or something. u know what I mean? in some ways, I was even a little sad about losing my breasts (pre-top, never post), because I thought they were very cute too! just not cute for my ideal persona 🤷‍♂️.

anyway those were my two reasons, which in my mind at the time weren't even "how do I know I want it" as much as "lol I want it". and I type this out in so much detail on purpose cause like... so much has changed for me since then! I no longer care how others gender me 90% of the time (the exceptions are when my bio family does it, or if I feel the need to be stealth out of safety, like in men's rooms or prev workplaces). I also have a completely different view of my gender now! I'm a femme man :-) I'm still nonbinary, but not in the sense that I'm "neutral". rather, in the sense that I'm everything when I want to be :-)!!! in the years since my top surgery, I've also realized I have DID and psychosis, which greatly influence my gender, and basically guarantee that it'll continue to change over time.

and to conclude: I don't regret the surgery at all!! I LOVE having top surgery I LOVE having stretched out DI scars and I LOVE my hyperpigmented scarred nipples and I LOVE being flat! to be frank, I made this decision as a fucked up and impulsive teenager in the midst of a psychotic episode, with 0 self awareness nor even the healthy amount of pre-surgery anxiety/contemplation -- AND IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DECISIONS OF MY LIFE! I don't know if these anecdotes help you, and I can not decide for you whether you "should" get top surgery or not. but these are the realities of my transition, and I like being able to offer this perspective for anyone who doesn't connect with the stereotypical ones. cause in my mind, after seeing both "sides" of our oppression claim that you can't make these decisions while mentally ill, or you can't make these decisions on frivolous impulse, or you can't make these decisions when young - lest you regret it for the rest of your life - the heart of my story here is truly "fuck that -- BODY AUTONOMY FOR ALL!"

and I'm very proud of that :-)

[endobiologist]

Trans Guy Tips #5; Dressing Good

Today, we're going to talk about basic fashion, and some things trans guys specifically need to know when buying a new wardrobe.

Some of these rules can always be broken, it's your body and your choice what to put on it!

However, this is a guide for passing better, so feminine and androgynous looks will not be covered here, only the traditional masculine. I will most likely make a guide out on dressing that way later.

1. Match colors, but don't be afraid to throw in some accent detail colors! Usually when you think of fashion, you think of making everything match, however some things will go better with some contrast rather than plainly matching!

As long as it still has some similarity, it doesn't have to be the same.

The most basic rule you need to learn dressing as a man, is that you wear your belt to your shoes.

If your belt is brown, so should your shoes be.

If your belt is black, they should be black.

Usually most fashion rules can be broken, but this one seems to be very important, as it can throw off the whole appearance of an outfit to have mismatching shoes and belt.

2. Use what I call the finger trick.

When selecting a shirt, specifically a dress shirt, put your fingers in the collar between your neck and the collar.

If you can comfortably fit two or even maybe barely three fingers in there, then that's a perfect fit shirt around your neck.

If you can fit four or more fingers, it's loose and will make you look baggy and overweight.

If you can fit only one, or feel any pressure on your throat, you need a looser shirt because it's too tight.

3. Somewhat similar, but when buying pants, this may be the most important thing of all.

If you get the right set of pants, it can disguise even the biggest of curves.

You want to get what's known as a straight-leg jean pant, you can make it a cargo pant if you wish, either one looks very masculine and good.

I would usually recommend bootcut pants if you wear longer shoes, like boots, or combat boots, or anything you need to tuck the jeans into.

Always get pants that don't feel constricting, and always get them where they fit comfortably with a belt, but don't need a belt due to fitting good already.

But straight-leg type is so important to go for, it's one of the things that makes a boxy figure like a cis man's.

4. I'm not sure if this is obvious or may come as a surprise to some people, but even if you like dressing femininely, if you wish to pass, I would suggest always shopping in the men's section.

They have shirts and pants and everything else under the sun that shaped specifically for men's bodies, making yours look even more like a cis man's, which is very gender affirming. Also women's jeans are made to support the butt and make you look feminine and curvy, while men's are designed to be straight, boxy, and comfortable, usually with deep pockets too!

5. Similar to the matching rule before, you can match a busy pattern shirt with a plain pair of pants, or busy pattern and pants with a plain shirt. However if you put too many busy patterns, or too much plainness, either way makes you look not as good.

Try to balance the detail with the simplicity.

6. Overall the most masculine thing you can wear especially pre-t, is either a formal or casual suit.

You can even wear just a dress shirt with a tie or bow tie, with some dress shoes and pants, and you're good!

This just generally makes you look super masculine and it's hard to mistake.

7. if you're like me, where you like to dress flamboyantly, but you're also super dysphoric about it, wait until you get testosterone therapy.

If you end up having it and you start seeing positive effects before dressing femininely, it's great!

I did this and now I feel totally comfortable with it, as no one ever misunderstands me even if I wear the most feminine things ever.

So if you're going on t, feel free to dress more extravagantly during because you will pass even so!

8. Another way to check shirts that are long sleeved, particularly dress shirts, is to tuck it in like usual, and then lift up your arms really high like you're reaching for something.

If it untucks or lifts the fabric in an unflattering way where your armpits look huge, it's cut wrong and is not something you should buy.

9. This may be surprising to some, but yes, cis men will wear feminine designs on masculine outfits.

I can't count the number of times I've seen men wearing bright pink suits. Other times there's been crop tops, painted nails, hair done, everything.

So if you really like that button up with the flowers on it, but are feeling hesitant due to the feeling that people might judge you, don't worry!

Maybe some will, but a lot of people wear unique clothing, and no one will be as bad as what your thoughts say to you.

10. I have somewhat of a warning, as good and fun they are, t-shirts can be very revealing when it comes to showing your chest, even through your binder! Something about them isn't cut quite right, even if they come from the manliest man's site or store.

If you still wish to wear t-shirts like I do, I would recommend getting a short-sleeved or long-sleeved Dickies button up jacket/shirt that you wear open over it. Or any jacket thing, really. This covers your chest completely and negates that effect.

11. This is sort of more hygiene base but still has to do with getting dressed. Always use men's soap, and men's cologne, and men's essential oils, and men's lotion, if you have them.

Also use some aftershave, it's helpful if it has lotion mixed in and moisturizes as well.

You can even shave even if you're pre-t, due to it making a clean feeling due to there being no feminine peach fuzz on it. This can help support dysphoria relief, as well because it feels like you're shaving a beard, at least until it comes in.

When your moustache and beard do come in from testosterone, if you take it, make sure to oil it lightly with natural oils like argan oil or coconut oil, the stimulates hair growth and follicle health.

And I would recommend shaving just once as it starts developing, so it develops thicker, stronger, and more handsome.

12. If you're planning on going on t, buy at least some of your clothing a size or a few sizes up, or getting a duplicate that's larger.

You will grow, so if you buy all your clothing in a smaller size, you'll probably end up unable to use any of it.

13. Always position your belt buckle in the center of your stomach, the way you can tell if it's positioned right is if it lines up with the buttons of your button up perfectly.

14. When wearing a suit try to always keep the bottomless button unbuttoned. That button isn't actually there to be used, it's meant to be unbuttoned and it makes it look so much better.

The reason it looks so much better is because it makes it flattering and thinning. If you button all the buttons, it will make you look heavy due to it tightening around your waist and stomach.

15. You should always have at least two pairs of dress shoes. one pair that's black, and one pair that's brown. Same with belts. It's also recommended for summer that you keep one pair of masculine flip flops or sandals or sneakers around.

16. This is more of a suggestion than anything, however it's manly as fuck, and people love it.

If you carry a work knife, a pocket watch, a small portable multitool, and a handkerchief.

Possibly even a pen and small notepad with you at all times.

This may seem odd at first, but it's what men used to do constantly in the older days.

These items can come in very useful. A work knife can open packages, open letters, be used in place of scissors occasionally, and even used to defend yourself and others.

A pocket watch is just fancy and shows you're always trying to be on time.

A multi-tool shows you're ready for any task, and it can be a lifesaver in many situations!

Meanwhile a handkerchief is important, because if you ever come across someone crying, or someone wounded, you can lend them or give them your handkerchief, which is a very gentlemanly thing to do, and it can help you pass better, as well as it just being a kind thing to do for someone.

The pen and small notepad is always good to carry on you regardless of any gender, due to you needing to write things down often.

17. Ironically, although socks with sandals seems to be a fashion 'no-no' to most people, I quite like them, and it seems like I pass better with them.

Men tend to wear those slip-on flip flop things, and when you wear socks with it it makes you look very masculine, even if it may look silly to some.

Personally I like it a lot.

18. If you do wish to do makeup & nails, I would suggest doing it as black and gothic as possible, as that's the most common style guys do it as, and if you do it in a certain way, it can come out looking way masculine.

And that concludes my fifth part of this Trans Guy Tips series!

Thank you for reading, and I hope anything I said helped!

[bunbun206]

mmm Styleman for the ask game? (Stan, Kyle, and Cartman)

The ask game in question

I have actually already done Kyle

Stan:

Sexuality Headcanon: Oh he’s bi. Don’t have much explanation for it. It’s just that he is.

Gender Headcanon: Oh he goes by He/she but I don’t think he goes by any labels for it. He just lets it exist I guess. He also dresses pretty androgynous but like what I mean by that is just he wears graphic tees and jeans.

A ship I have with said character: Besides styleman and stylennyman I also like Stutters, and Stolkien. Both are very cute ships that don’t get talked about often.

A BROTP I have with said character: Besides the ultimate brotp that is Style I like the idea of Craig and Stan having a bit of a friendly rivalry. I think that’s fun.

A NOTP I have with said character: I don’t have one for him. A lot of the ships I seen with him are pretty solid

A random headcanon: He listens to Prince daddy and the hyena. He tried to get Kyle into once but Kyle ended up calling it garbage to his face.

General Opinion over said character: I use to think he was really boring and couldn’t pinpoint what the hell his personality was when I was doing my sp binge but as I continued I contemplated his character a lot more and now I really like him. Not my favorite character but I like him. I’m actually extremely mentally ill about him. It’s insane

Cartman:

Sexuality Headcanon: Oh this homie is gay. He’s very repressed and has tons of internalized homophobia but he’s definitely gay like can’t see him in any other way.

Gender Headcanon: I think gender is interesting for him bc I feel like he’s genderfluid but he has no idea what that is. As long as he says that is what he’s going by that is what he is right now. Only really changes his pronouns though to exploit some sort of system like in cissy. I can also see him as just cis. Never questioning never changing.

A ship I have with said character: I have quite a lot actually but I’m only saying three. Clydeman, Stanman and kenman. All three of these are so good but I don’t see much about them especially Clydeman which I adore. Oh never forgot kyman my absolute favorite ship.

A BROTP I have with said character: I love platonic kenman their friendship is actually is the thing that stood out to me the most when first bingeing sp more than any other friendship. I also enjoy him and Jimmy. They seem like good buds. Also him and Bebe being gossip buddies is a fun concept.

A NOTP I have with said character: I said this before but the only Cartman ships I’m iffy on is Candy and Buttman.

A random headcanon: He keeps a little sketchbook to doodle in class and if he actually tries he can draw well but he never actually does.

General Opinion over said character: What can I say I love him. He’s my second favorite character. He’s like a science experience and I want to look at him under a microscope or punt him bc I also hate him. Everytime I watch an episode with him in it I get second hand embarrassment. God I can’t with him.

[entities-of-posts]

Archivist. With Madison’s most recent actions, I’m growing more and more anxious, and I believe it’s safe to assume you are as well.

I’m already know this, but my “relationship” with the web goes deeper than what it may appear on the surface. My first encounter was significantly farther back than when Madison shut me in the archive proper. There is a very fine line between being a Doll and a Puppet.

I don’t think it’s just me. I hold the belief that the entire Andersson family is intwined in some sort of Web. And we have been for a very long time. I’ve felt it for a long time, but one of my strongest encounters wasn’t too long before the one with Madison.

A couple summers before it happened, I went abroad to Europe with my older cousin, M. I was about fourteen or fifteen, and they were in their younger twenties. I can speak a little bit of French, and saying I speak it is generous to say the least, but it’s enough so that we weren’t completely lost, and M knows quite a bit of German. my cousin had been to most of the countries we were visiting before, so again, we weren’t completely lost.

We were in Paris (original, I know), and we had decided it would be fun to wander some of the lesser known streets and visit small consignment shops, we were right. It was fun. One of the shops had a lot of really neat things.

There was this cardigan, I love cardigans. It was thin and very delicately crocheted, it went down to my knees. The cardigan was mostly dark grey (it probably used to be black, but it was washed out), and there was this spindly spiderweb pattern all over it, it was nothing like I’d ever seen before and I had to have it. What caught my eye, was that it was very cheap. Yeah, it was old and washed out, but it was also intricate and seemingly hand made my somebody who really knew what they were doing. If I remember correctly, it was only €3.

When I went to buy it, the person at the register smiled at me. They seems to be only a year or so older than me, and they were very androgynous looking with neon green hair, it was long but half of it was shaved off. Their name tag said “Camille”, and they had small round glasses with gold wire frames. Something that stood out was their facial piercings, they didn’t have a lot, but they did have snakebites. They weren’t the little balls or studs that you usually see, they were longer and sharp, curved slightly inward like pincers. It was really cool, actually.

I looked over to M, they didn’t seem phased by anything. The cheshire, Camille, spoke again, looking directly at me, and I felt as though I needed to look back, to make eye contact.

Their grin got bigger when they saw what I was buying. “This is beautiful,” they said in perfect English, which I definitely wasn’t expecting. I think they clocked the slight shock on my expression, because their smile grew again. It was off-putting, but not so much that I saw any red flags. “I’ve been wanting to sell this for a very long time, my grandmother made it, but I outgrew it several years ago” they rang it up for me, looking to me and then to M. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable, the cashier has spoken to me twice and I hadn’t responded, like an ass. “Yes,” I agreed “I can’t wait to wear it”. I smiled, only slightly forced. “I love cardigans, and this is one of the coolest ones I’ve ever seen”

Once I finished buying it, I said goodbye and M and I left the little shop. M asked me what the hell that was, that they thought I only knew the bare minimum of French. I was confused, that conversation was in English. I didn’t say anything though, because I look up to M and I didn’t want them to think I’m crazy. I wasn’t crazy, I’m not crazy.

Later that night I was holding the cardigan, I was itching to wear it and I was thinking of what it could go with that I brought with me. I reached into the pocket, and there was an old picture. It looked like Camille, but the picture looked old. Maybe it was their grandmother… but it had their name and contact information scrawled on the back, “Camille Lavigne, [phone number]”. The next day M and I caught our train to Germany. I would have sworn I saw them at the train station. And when we got to Germany. There’s… no way that they could have been there.

Throughout our travels M and o kept running into them, we kept having conversations that M couldn’t understand, it was starting to freak me out. On our train to Belgium, I heard whispers. Some voice talking about a “Mother”. M didn’t hear it, but it was there. I stopped seeing Camille when we came back to the states. It was sort of a relief, but somehow I felt like I had lost something. The photograph stayed in the cardigan pocket, I couldn’t get rid of it. I still have the Cardigan. I think I was wearing it when I went into the Archive storage…

… that is worrying. I’m afraid you’re not wrong. I’ve recently ran into your sister again, as you know, and she does have… a hint of strings about her. Not only as a puppet.

I would like to examine that cardigan closer. I have seen you wear it before…

And this Camille… you describe a rather familiar hairstyle. Is there any particular reason you chose to dye your own hair the same color?

… I don’t remember if it was already this shade when you were human.

[trans-advice]

(sorry this is so long) i’m not sure where to go from here. i’m 25 years old. i’ve been trying to figure out my gender identity for several years now. this all started when i tried binding on a whim (i’m afab) and felt so euphoric, idk how to even describe it in words. from 2017-early 2020 i thought for sure that i was a trans man. i was out online with a different name & he/him pronouns, i wore a binder everyday, i dressed in a masculine way, etc. eventually, i was even able to express the feminine parts of my personality without feeling invalid. there were stretches of time, especially early on, when i’d back out mentally & re-enter the closet & try to live as a woman. but eventually it settled, and for the entirety of 2019 i was fully determined to transition medically & come out to everyone once i was able to move out of my mormon parents’ house. but then i suffered through a sudden major personal tragedy in late 2019, followed by the pandemic in 2020, and basically i dropped the entire trans dream between those two events, in probably like february 2020. i developed agoraphobia as well. on top of all of that, i’m autistic, so all this change has been really hard on my brain. since then, i’ve been on this rollercoaster where for a few weeks i’ll try to live happily as a woman, then cave and live as a man, and so on and so forth. it’s driving me nuts. i finally confided in my therapist about my gender stuff, because it’s really affecting my agoraphobia recovery progress, and she officially diagnosed me with gender dysphoria. she firmly believes i need to accept myself, whoever that is, but i don’t know how. there are real moments when i’m ok being a woman. it can be fun to shop for pretty clothes (though they’re usually stuffed to the back of my closet immediately) & have girl talk with my younger sisters. and it’s hard to imagine myself as an old man. but it’s also hard to imagine myself as a mom rather than a dad. i don’t know. maybe i’m so scared my religious conservative family will abandon me if i transition? and maybe the loss i experienced a couple years ago was so awful i’m scared for it to happen again? or what if i’m not trans but just some sort of androgynous woman with internalized misogyny. help?

I'm not sure about how agoraphobia works. Readers if you have any feedback on agoraphobia please share it!

Yeah, I think it's more like you need a better support network that will accept you if you transition into being a man. Like I think you need to have some preparation for abandonment by your religious conservative family.

Even worse, I would be worried about them giving conversion torture under the labels of "conversion therapy" & "religious apologetics". So in case you're facing that, I'd seek out some pro-lgbtqia+ religious apologetics, not necessarily to deprogram them, but to help fight the gaslighting that comes with anti-lgbtqia+.

You already said that you were very okay with being an androgynous man, so I don't think it's a matter of you somehow being an androgynous woman with self-hatred.

Since we live in a patriarchal misogynist/transmisogynist/transandrophobic society, I would look into trans-affirming feminist information so that you can get a better grip on what misogyny is when people try to gas light you like that.)

As for the enjoying the girl talk, are you sure that's not just enjoying talking with others? Also defining "girliness" can vary from group to group, so I would make sure to look into how that's being defined.

Have you applied for health insurance like Medicaid or Obamacare (affordable care act)? Because you're getting to age 26, so you're going to need your own insurance most likely. Like that would help with preparing to be either abandoned or more independent of your parents.

I'm not sure how much of my transition strategies will apply to your situation & what's available by you. I know in my transition before the pandemic, I basically relied on getting my things organized with a therapist at a therapy office in person because I was not safe from domestic violence when I would talk about my gender issues on the phone. Like I would have to go outside & walk around & find free of charge spaces in order to avoid the people I lived with as much as possible. I had to get a public transit pass in order to get to places without having to be at the mercy of people to drive me.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve