#but ive learned half the time the drawing will do Whatever It Wants

[h0dgep0dgee]

a calliope art? after This Frickin Long? its more likely than you think

[umblrspectrum]

still thinking about it so heres a bunch of stuff

[arolesbianism]

Everyday I see another youtube video or whatever say smth along the lines of "this character is badly written because they're unlikable/annoying/insert negative description here" and everyday I end up massively disappointed because I came here for analysis on the actual writing of a character not just a description of the feelings they made you experience

[ceasarslegion]

so ive come to learn that some family members that i thought were smarter than that, ended up voting very stupidly, and then further learned that they are being brainwashed by right wing podcasts

ik you have studied cults, so im coming to you to ask if you knew any resources off the top of your head about deprogramming them and knocking some sense into their head without putting them on the defense and accidentally pushing them farther right?

The first thing I should lay out for you is that deprogramming someone from a cult or cult-like environment is long, arduous, unforgiving, and will take more out of you than you could ever give. It is not your responsibility nor does your value as a loved one hinge on deprogramming your relatives. That is something that not even trained professionals can achieve half the time. I attempted to deprogram someone years ago, and the relationship ended in her siding with her cult and claiming I had slandered god by asking her to consider other worldviews outside of her own. And that was with all the knowledge and education I had on the topic.

With that out of the way, if you really want to pursue this, I can't stop you. And I'm not encouraging anything either way because that's your personal decision to make. But I can tell you what I do know and how to approach these things so you don't fly blind if you decide to take it on:

-NEVER say words like "cult" or "extremist" to them. Nobody joins a cult, they join a group of like-minded individuals who make them feel like they have community and support in an area where they lacked those things before. There is a very real need they have that this group has filled for them, and using words like that around them is a surefire way to make them shut themselves off from you. From their perspective, they introduced you to their fiance, and you called them a hag. No matter how untrue that may be, that's how they experience it. Avoid any sort of cultish language when engaging with them directly.

-you need to find that need they were lacking that this group filled for them. I can't tell you what that is, because it's unique to every cult victim. But try looking into the common themes among victims who have left and been deprogrammed from the right wing manosphere to see if they apply to your relatives at all. And when you find what that need is, you need to provide them alternatives, but you can not force them to take them. Survivors of the group you are deprogramming someone from are a fantastic resource to draw from for whatever your case is: if something broke the facade for them, that same thing may break it for your relatives too. There's a great podcast out there called Was I in A Cult where two cult survivors interview other survivors and tell their stories through lighthearted gallows humor, and they recently ran an episode about a woman who escaped QAnon that might be a good resource for you on that.

-You need to meet them where they are. This is going to hurt a lot, you will take a lot of ego hits, and you will often have to act like you believe in things that go completely against your most basic morals. But they will not listen to you if you approach as the "them" in the "us vs them" mentality that is a cornerstone of every cult. Does the part of the manosphere they're in align with a religious cult that thinks they can save the "them"s, like Jehovah's Witnesses? If it does, you have an in by acting like a "them" who needs saving. Don't forget that victims still have all their empathy and humanity, its just been corrupted for the gain of the group.

-don't forget who they are inside. This is... very hard. It's very hard to remember that they aren't really like this, that their humanity has been hijacked by a charismatic leader or group.

-its going to take a long time. Like, a LONG time. Sometimes it takes years, you need to chip a little at a time. And it won't feel like you're doing anything until the break happens, if it does. It works a bit like stonecutting: you deal 1000 back-breaking blows to a giant boulder and the 1001st time breaks it clean in half. And even then, sometimes they just break on their own, for reasons utterly external to all the hard work you put in to achieve it.

-if the break happens, your work is not done. Cults completely rewire how their victims perceive the world around them and how they exist within it. That is not going to go away overnight. It will be painful and agonizing for everyone involved, but most of all for them. It's a bit like walking the world with alzheimers while everyone tells you you don't have it and never had it to begin with for a cult survivor. They are going to carry a lot of baggage with them after the break. A lot of survivors develop mental health disorders, eating disorders, and their suicide and self-harm rates go up after they leave the groups they used to be in. They need a very strong, unflinching, and radically non-judgmental support system that will be there to teach them how to walk again and won't abandon them when they do slip back into their old, safe mentality.

-its okay to grieve someone even when they aren't dead. Proximity grief among friends and family of cult victims is exceedingly common and only gets worse the deeper their loved ones fall down the pipelines they tripped into. There's lots of groups you can find, like QAnon Casualties, that exist as spaces to grieve the loved ones lost to cults.

Some books and resources i know that are good for starting this journey include the Freedom From Religion Foundation, the earlier work of the QAnon Anonymous Podcast group, the documentary Going Clear, the Fair Game podcast, the books Cultish, Trust the Plan, The Storm is Upon Us, Conspiratuality: How New Age Conspiracy Theories Became A Health Threat, Doppleganger: A Trip Into the Mirrorverse, Netflix's How to Become A Cult Leader is a pretty good bite-sized series that gets the gist of it right, the documentary Beyond the Curve, Owen Morgan's work on his experience as a JW, and honestly? Your relatives' cult's own literature and media. You will get a very good idea of what their belief system is built on if you see it for yourself. That means no reaction videos, no reviews, no articles ABOUT it, you have to just sit down and honest to god see it for yourself from the perspective of a vulnerable individual who needs to hear whatever they're saying to them.

I included a lot of QAnon resources on this because that's the group I am most familiar with that has a significant overlap with what it sounds like your relatives have fallen into. This is also by no means an exhaustive list, this is what I thought of off the top of my head while writing out this answer on the train after work.

[insert-clever-username-1133]

*burns down building cutely* guys im literally just a girl!!!

welcome to my blog

hi guys!!! im loralai but you can call me lora. this post is a running collection of all my chaos

you guys like lists? good bc that's all ive got for you

~

stuff i do

art

i draw in ibis paint on my phone with a disc stylus and use capcut to edit animatics (which yes, i can still do, despite being in the us). most of my stuff is tagged with either #art or #doodles, rarely both. doodles is my old tag for sketches and... well, doodles. i put everything under the art tag now

writing

i have one published fic right now with another multi chapter on the way and some one shots im going to get to eventually! i don't have an update schedule. im little1133 on ao3

music

if you have perfect pitch talk to me please i need someone who understands the feeling when you get a song stuck in your head and you can't remember what key it's in but all the keys you picture it in sound wrong so now it's in your head but it sounds WRONG

fandoms

epic the musical

this is my main fandom right now! epic has had a huge effect on my life, gotten me back into drawing and writing :) im always down to yap about the babies or read your fic or whatever

i love odypen so so much. also i heard someone use the ship name penelody and that's the prettiest ship name ive ever heard i think. platonic eurypoli is also one of my favs. im a eurylochus defender for life

if you follow me you are big time signing up for epic spam

kotlc

this is my longest-term fandom i think. i love this little fandom so much!! Katie (@ myfairkatiecat , very cool user) got me into it last summer (i know, not very long term for my longest term fandom. im young okay). im a keefe defender (sorry stria) and i love fintan pyren a normal amount. fav ships are sokeefe, dexiana, and fintante! i am a sucker for platonic sophitz. they go well together what can i say

iywalirayhtdwa > wiityispb

percy jackson / riordanverse

i love love love this series so much. leo is my baby. percabeth should be called smartwater for ever and ever. i don't participate in this fandom because i learned my lesson from kotlc about joining the fandom before you're done reading and ive already gotten spoiled enough just from random youtube comments. am i really going to abstain from this fandom until ive read all however many series there are? probably not

greek mythology in general

dnd

yeah... right above this is percy jackson and epic the musical. you knew this was coming. im rapidly turning into the greek mythology kid. it's bad.

hadestown

i listened to the soundtrack with animatics a bit ago and im planning on watching a recording of the actual show. this musical has already. made me. FEEL THINGS. A LOT. doubt comes in absolutely broke me which im sure isn't a surprise to anyone who's seen hadestown. just like in epic Hermes is a whole vibe and a half. living it up on top, chant, and why we build the wall have alternated being played on loop in my brain. this musical is literally so.

im currently playing in a dnd campaign (#ivanna) as an elven wizard named Ivanna and in the late planning stages of dming a campaign (#crossfire campaign) for me and my friends. im unwell about both of these things

mouthwashing

i... don't have much to say about this fandom. im not very active in it. love the fanart. love daisuke and anya ofc. we be taking responsibility with this one

elnea kingdom

i don't really post about this game on here because the fandom is mainly on Reddit. this is here purely for propaganda. look up this game and play it. you know you want toooo ohh you wanna play it soooo baaaad

posts i want you to see

too lazy to do this list rn. im gonna link the seaglass vacker eyes post, the Ody is the short one in odypen, and some of my top posts later

tags ig

#art - self explanatory.

#bookmark - things I'm saving to refer back to later.

#liveblog - ive been doing this less lately but it's always a tradition for me to do at least a few liveblogs whenever im consuming a new media. i love this tag because it contains my magnum opus: my huge reblog chains with every little thought i had while reading kotlc. all of them have like 40 self reblogs to just add to them. there's a chain for each book, and i did it for the first like 5 or 6 books. i highly recommend looking at those they're very funny.

userboxes + other

i don't have a dni. if i don't like you ill block you

im not donating to your gofundme

my interests are subject to change on a whim with zero warning

[paperstreetlocal]

T4T headcanons of narrator and Tyler maybe?

ok where do i start ehmmm

theyre both tmasc 2 me obviously. ive seen hcs of them as tfem post-movie and i think its a good concept it just doesnt fit with my hcs

narrators the generic truscum type of dude, has awful dysphoria and doesnt really believe hell ever be a real man. only got on t like a couple months before tyler blew his shit up, actively starves himself to get rid of any curves etc.

because he mentions his family is catholic in the book i view him as catholic, not religious per se but i think he has a lot of shame and intrusive thoughts about it. didnt get much chances to express himself as a kid even tho he felt wildly uncomfortable being a feminine girl and his mother reinforcing it (well i mean, dads not around, no siblings... no space to interact with much except his mom)

had a binder at one point but lost it cuz of tyler so he had to resort to some very questionable taping options during his stay with him-- before they came out to each other his dysphoria got like. 50 times worse He couldnt even imagine tyler supporting something like that, not even taking him seriously (worst option is kicking him out or worse) so he would just like. straight up ever refuse to strip or stop binding for a couple weeks lol

do i think his dysphoria got any better after they both found out about each other. No. i think it got somewhat worse because well, tyler doesnt even bind and looks more masculine than him. i think he had a deep seated hatred for him for not even trying, and if he got mad for whatever reason hed feminize him in his head, not that he said anything straight to tyler because hed probably get his teeth knocked out 4 it. i guess that also adds to his homophobia cuz tyler doesnt look like your typical man so

--

now for tyler i also think he has some weird ideas about masculinity (OBVIOUSLY) but its more psychological rather than physical (the narrator being the opposite) . the generic men dont cry type shit. has dysphoria but isnt like, aware of it? its not eating at him or anything he just kinda does things he conditioned himself to do to pass earlier on. gymbro eating disorder (you know the type. guzzling boiled eggs) has to be shredded with low % of fat (i draw him slightly meatier cuz i like it lol. i feel bad drawing him so skinny)

as a kid he grew up in like. a big family in texas and his parents didnt really pay much attention to him and he just did whatever the fuck he wanted half the time so he had the conditions to explore himself. also wore his older brothers clothes and he was generally messy and androg-looking. also energetic. i think he got on t without advice from a doctor in his late teens and his parents were kinda done with him .do whatever just move out

i think he binded at one point but it restricted him from doing the things he enjoyed so gave up on it. and when he got into the masc bullshit he believed getting surgery would be a cop out, not naturally manly so he learned to live with it and doesnt really mind it. only tapes during fights cuz somebody yanked on his boob once :,3

he passes so well in fact the narrator jus assumed he had gynecomastia and didnt wanna be rude about it. also got mad at the narrator for certain things he did (who the fuck uses duct tape to bind??) and his refusal to do things the narrator deemed as feminine - this is hypocritical though cuz he would make fun of him for things he (tyler) deemed as feminine so it was always a lose lose situation. calls him gay as an insult (yes they do fuck. yes hes calling him gay as a feminine insult)

OKKK all that out the way now the fun stuff

narrator has issues with giving himself t shots because of his shaky hands (and his slight disgust of needles) so tyler does it for him. he sometimes does it back to him if hes feeling brave (and i guess a weird attempt at flirting? lol)

post canon narrator got top surgery, and tyler got only bottom surgery and a hysterectomy (he just really wanted a dick tbf)

narrators hairline gets proceedingly worse

tyler got cheetah print trans tape after shaving his head :p n i think the narrator shoves socks in his pants as a packer

they dont really go to the beach but if they did the narrator wouldnt get in the water hed just suffer under the parasol. tyler wouldnt gaf if he was fully naked

tylers comfortable enough to wear more... fashionable clothes that would kill the narrators self esteem on spot if he put on (i think he did wear that kind of stuff while in control of the narrators body. yes he would look awful)

also theyre both sweaty and horny and gross cuz of the t. tyler has crazy bottom growth

[kroosluvr]

sorry i feel bad for ranting on """Main"" i guess though i kinda keep this more of apersonal blog than a very polished art blog thing. under the cut

things wld be easier if i was just an oc-centric artist (which i kinda am but only to myself in my head) but it Is how it is at this point (i want to draw my ocs more but they never turn out the way i want) and theres just so much i want to draw for the silly little media franchises that happen to capture my stupid little heart and etc.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh ifeel stupid for loving too much or whatever. i dont want to throw a pity party over this either because in the end its just "who cares LOVE WHAT U LOVE DRAW WHAT U WANT" right but in the moment i feel stupid and it sucks and i hate it actually!!!!!!! and i WILL in fact keep drawing hwat i want and what makes me happy but like idkidkdidkgkhw

sometimes i cant help thinking if i was a better artist.,, like more artistically skilled........ would people really say the things they do about the things i draw

^ (Authors note: no one has been mean about the stuff i draw just. side comments i guess lol. from my friends though and not random people . so its harder to just brush off i guess)

like maybe im just not good enough yet. which is fine. spite is actually a really good drawing proponent. but its also just like . when will it be enough to be worth it? will it be worth being my friend now if im a good artist? if i draw what you want? ...........................

its obviously not discounting the people who really enjoy my art style adn what i draw regardless (which im soooo so grateful for bc i never like expect anyone to stick around sicne my fixations change like the wind) but its like... these r the people i spend the most time with . and it sucks. i have to. second guess what i say and what i type and just. ok like i know its not that serious either but i hate it i really dont like it (<- im also just socially anxious if u cant tell)

and its also like i cant just extract myself from my friend group for a while to kinda cool off (read: muster the courage to be an idiot in front of them again) bc ummmmm um i dont have many friends . they are kind of all i got. (which is nice i like small circles(?) im not good at opening up to people.) and i do admire and like them very much but then i just feel like i get bit in the ass all the time (This past month) with shit like this i guess

and honestly like. well half the reason i keep switching fixations is BECAUSE of stuff like this where i feel self conscious of """"Being obsessed"""" over One thing so much so i just immediately switch tracks so fast but its just a cycle (Which i dont see as a bad thing tbh? it keeps my art moving and things fresh so like.)

And honestly i dont really try to . be too vocal about. fandom? stuff? when im with my friends? unless they bring it up first? i got burnt so many times with my vtuber interests so like lol ive Learned. but maybe it slips out too much? bruh. my bad i guess

i have to stop thinking abt this man.., why has this happened to me so many times this past month lol its kind of ridiculous

(Im sure they dont like. mean it. right? ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, if they actually meant it and want me to shut up then they should just actually say so right.,

i just want to draw . its not going to stop me from drawing but damn does it really like rain on my parade or put a dent in my fender or whatever other sayings that i cant think of right now

in the end i really REALLY appreciate frm the very very bottom of my heart everyone that even remotely likes/appreciates my art (especially the persona stuff nowadays bc thats what im mainly pouring all my mental and physical and emotional into) like i really really mean it. because this stuff like my silly comics and stuff is really stuff i make for purely my own heart and just what i want to see kinda. and so it just makes me feel really warm that people also want to see it and keep seeing it and love it and everything like that. and, with all this kind of negative stuff going on i just go back and reread tags and comments and stuff and i feel encouraged to keep going and draw more and everything like that. so like really, truly, thank you. i really never thought so many people would like the stuff i make. even if its not really artistically good, or really deeply interesting, im really happy it could be something special to people out there

[skimmeh]

Ive been following you for Years but im like horribly shy about talking to people so anon time but um!!! I!! I was wondering (and im sooo sorry if you made a post about this feel free to ignore if you did) if you could tell me a little about how you choose your colors or how you color stuff?? (Ramble-ish ahead, so sorry haha)

Back when you did undertale art i was always amazed with your texture (if thats what its called?) on your art like the lines and dots all across and even now the way you color stuff is so cool looking!! I always struggle with choosing colors and all the tutorials online focus more on like neons and pastels and whatever so i was wondering if its okay with you if you could tell me about how you choose your colors or anything of that sort. If not thats totally cool!!

I hope you have an easy day, make sure to hydrate and rest!! Thank you for your time keep being awesome

HELLO ANON!!! Don't worry I'm not scary

Thank you for asking!!

Hmmm this is always a hard question for me to answer cos I'm not really sure how to answer it haha, cos I wing colours a lot haha

The texture stuff I used to use a lot is called half tones, a couple of art programs have it, like I know Photoshop and procreate do, but that's all I know haha, I used to just copy the canvas and make that halftone, then put that as overlay over my art and adjust the opacity.

With colours-

I tend to lean towards more yellowy time and desaturated, I try my best to avoid any full black, white or highest situation of colours unless I want to use them and harsh contrast and stick out in the drawing.

Hmm maybe my advice is to not be afraid to use 'ugly' colours .. lil I love using a very pale greeny yellow in my whites.

Hmm id recommend just messing around with layer settings if you struggle a lot, but learn from that. I used to use them, but now mostly I pick by eyes over years of doing that.

I'm sorry I truly don't know how to verbalize my method, cos I don't really have one aside from intuition haha

[starisonsaturn]

“I am mine own creator.”

Hello! Greetings all, I am Starseed. Also known as Star, or, something like that.

This is my first time using tumblr in my fifteen year and a half of living. I have heard.. many .. interesting things about it. I hope you all will appreciate my posts?

Posts like; ramblings like a lunatic, art dumps and posts, and poetry, might interest you most? I sure do hope so. DONT know what else to GIvE ya all.

Before interacting;;: I am black. Both of my parents are black. I am present with my mom. I am not so with my “dad”

I will probably say slurs (f or n word) that I can reclaim as someone like this. If that makes you uncomfortable for.. whatever reason; look your eyeballs away from the screen

I am possibly neurodivergent, and an minor

I will **probably** not explain again, but I do believe that I lived another life. But THATS not important to you right? You wouldn’t care that much about my beliefs.

Star likes;

Space,

himself and I((aliens)),

Flying,

Going “Wee!” In the sky,

Their friends,

sleeping on a good Saturday cloud,

reading (results may vary),

Shwooshing around the cloud,

..clouds,

You!,

Playing instruments and making music

Talking about OCs (in which has lots)

Star is a Satanist ever since ive been 13 years old. Not that long, still learning a lot! ((Ave Satanas to you too, friends.))

Star loves space! I want to become an astronomer one day, not an astronaut however, i need more better atmosphere!

I have my spaceship, anyway.

Star loves art! Music,drawing,painting,writing, All of forms! Whatever you express shall be your great pleasure of yourself truly! I love that! That shows much more of yourself than words!

Fandoms this dense-being is in;

Tally hall, Will wood, Moomins, Ride the Cyclone, Eddsworld, WOY, Octonauts, Dadandan, other stuff. A lot. So much. I have brain fog.

Im a very whole bunch. I like a lot of stuff. Come to find out more if you like.. Thank you for your time. If you want to ask a question about ME, anything is okay, ASK! I love questions! Okay that’s enough words.

Misc.

Mutuals ~~

<@/Shark_.Liver - IRL Bestfriend> @/ the-witchy-boi - IRL Older friend & Uncle, I think

(More to add on, Fellas!)

IG ~ https://www.instagram.com/the_devil_has_antennas/profilecard/?igsh=N3E0NWNkY3BhcHNz

Pinterest ~~ https://pin.it/40X1AkTEO

In && out. X

[incognito-girl]

blurb inspo has arrived 🏃🏼‍♀️

ive been stuck with this one thing in my head and its alessia dating someone who’s still in college, and she comes home from training and could well use a cuddle but her gf needs to study so she’s just so whiny and tries to get her attention in many different ways

OK OK OK SO

before training she would send you a message wishing you luck in whatever you were going to study or do that day. and throughout the day you update her one whatever you have done and since she cant go on her phone while at training so she had like LOADS of messages to read. so before she drives home to you she reads AND responds to every. single. one.

when she gets home the first thing she does is look for you and you are sitting at the kitchen table hair tied back and pjamams on. you have your laptop and books infront of you. when she sees you like this her heart almost bursts. her feet move before she can think and she comes over and sits next to you. the only attention she gets from you is a quick kiss and hug and you ask about her say before you get working. she just sits there looking at you with a small pout taking over her face.

you usher her away to shower after, about five minutes once her hands begin to shamelessly wander. she just groans at you and goes upstairs begrudgingly. once she is done in the shower she comes downstairs with a hairbrush and bobbins asking you to put it in plaits as she knows you love to do her hair for her. but this one time you refuse saying you need to study as finals were coming up very soon. she sighs and ties her hair back herself in a simple ponytail to keep it out of her face.

after another half an hour of her asking you silly questions or just telling you random stories so she could have your attention she begins to make the both of you dinner. this was something she loved to do with you. most nights the pair of you would dance in the kitchen while you both (alessia) cooked. but tonight she was shot down with a quick mumble of “ive to study.” she rolled her eyes at this, desperate for your attention. she puts on relaxing music in the background to not distract you (even if she so badly wanted your attention on her she wouldn’t want to ruin your study time by distracting you with something that wasn’t herself). at one point in the duration of her cooking you get up to get a drink and her arms slip around your waist as she sways the both of you to the soft music in the backround. she smile up at her and press a kiss to her lips before making your way back over to the table.

when she is done cooking she serves it up to you. you say you will eat it while you study but she won’t let you do that even after you many protests so she PICKS YOU UP AND PLACES YOU ON THE COUNTER SO THE BOTH OF YOU CAN EAT TOGETHER. you both sit there talking and laughing- lessi is just happy to have your attention away from your books.

she expected you to be done studying after dinner now hoping that you would come and cuddle her but after you put your plate in the dishwasher you go back to the table. she makes a loud whine noise that makes you look at her slightly laughing. you ask her what’s wrong and she just goes “all ive wanted to do all day was cuddle you” AND SHE SAYS IT WITH HER BOTTOM LIP POUTING OUT AND HER EYEBROWS FURROWED. this would make you MELT seeing the girl so much taller than you be so soft. you jump out of your seat and into her arms. SHE PICKS YOU UP AND WRAPS YOUR LEGS AROUND HER WAIST. SHE THEN BRINGS YOU OVER TO THE COUCH AND LIES DOWN WITH YOU ON TOP OF HER. you sit up to straddle her and then she asks for you to tell her about whatever you were studying which you tell her with ease. she is just lying their thinking about how smart and perfect her girlfriend is. while drawing shapes onto your thighs.

OH MY GOD SHE ALSO FINDS YOU VIDEOS TO WATCH SO YOU CAN LEARN WHILE YOU CUDDLE HER.

[rianafying]

hello diary i’m back idk what is happening or why i ever feel what i feel, but here goes nothing

i’ve been feeling very creative today, had a terrible morning woke up insanely dehydrated, could barely move, my arthritis and psoriasis had flared up as well, i had to cancel my gig but they’re fine, they had other people on board. i don’t really feel like i missed out because i literally couldn’t have gone and needed to stay home and rehydrate, plus it’s like 37 degrees outside, i’ll stay home thanks. anyway, so i got some much needed rest and i ate and drank loads of water and i feel replenished now and i feel hopeful and creative and i wish i could’ve just started something, a project or whatever. but i have no many chores standing firmly between me and what i actually want to do. will is a terribly difficult thing to conjure. i had a telehealth appointment to get diagnosed w adhd in melbourne so i can access the necessary treatment, but they’re telling me it’ll be at least $800 and at least 4 sessions to just get diagnosed. and that to me is a huge undertaking. i told them ill think about it but what is there to think of, i know fully well i cant afford it. i wish i had an ipad to draw on. ive been wanting to draw something for ages and i could draw on my physical sketch book but i just haven’t? i just cant? its the guilt from all the chores i haven’t done. there’s a proper inspection due in 4 days and i just know it’s going to cripple me with anxiety as the date comes closer. there’s so much stuff that i want to do. and yet i do nothing. i’m not doing even 1% of everything i want to do, because im stuck doing 100% of the things i hate but have to do. when im older, i hope i get permanent residency in australia or any other first world country, i wish i have a safe and permanent place to live, regardless of size or quality. i wish i have someone who can help me with the tasks i struggle with and i can help them with tasks they struggle with and if we both struggle at the same things, we’ll understand each other, we can struggle and learn together. hopefully this will not be a romantic partner because i don’t think my brain is hardwired to deal with matters of the heart in a stable way. i hope that by the time i feel safe, the children of gaza feel safe too. i hope we win. i thought of them when i got dehydrated and worried that ill get a uti, i thought about how much worse they have it. i think of them all the time but especially when im suffering and im reminded that they have it many folds worse. i try to derive hope, strength, and gratitude from that instead of helplessness, and powerlessness.

i haven’t been able to take out the trash and get rid of my dead plants and they’re starting to attract bugs and i really need to do that today, i’ve been saying that everyday, it’ll just take seconds. i also am very close to having $0 in my account because i had to buy some meds and i found some vitamins for half price and decided to buy a whole buttload of them #forhealthiguess also its SO HOT. and im trying to avoid turning on my air conditioner because my electricity bill last month was $140??? like why? it’s a crazy world out here. crazy expensive. for the millionth time, i really should get a real job soon. or try to. i doubt i’ll ever have enough to be independent. i fear i’ll always be at the mercy of my parents. i fear i’ll heal too slow to keep up with the damage.

all day i did nothing. that’s not true, i went grocery shopping and i made meatballs, and spaghetti and it turned out great. the one thing i always cook successfully is any kind of pasta, never fails. i feel 50% guilty for not doing anything important today. such as taking out the trash, cleaning my room, etc. it’s the one thing i hate doing: house chores. makes me wanna scream, cry and throw up. i made a mistake, last night i accidentally left my earphones on the couch at reception downstairs and hadn’t even realised until earlier today when i was leaving the building and saw it on the couch. i feel so relieved that i live in a place where nobody stole it all day. part of me feels like i don’t deserve to live so well. because for nearly a year, i have been living wonderfully, everything’s going so well, and all my demons are inside of my own head. this is new for me. there’s no actual threat, i think. still feels like there is. i’m less overwhelmed than usual, but still pretty overwhelmed. there’s always too many ideas and not enough ability to implement them. how do i feel chaos and clarity simultaneously. i just need a break from this mental torment. i think getting my apartment clean will definitely help with that. but it’s such a big task, even thinking about it makes me fall to my bed and start to rot. suddenly i find that my body won’t move. adhd sounds like it’s so quirky and funny until you’re surrounded with piles of garbage and flying insects and there is a mysterious sticky brown patch underneath the fridge that just will not move. until there’s no space to walk from one end of the room to the other without stepping on and crushing things underneath my feet. it feels as if my brain has acquired an endless supply of shame and guilt. i will probably not feel focused until my room is actually clean. clean enough to be inspected. clean enough to maybe even have visitors. i get anxious just thinking about the prospect.

[endergirlplayz]

some of my fave drawings

some of my favorite drawings I've ever made, I felt a need to show you, it may be set from oldest to newwest . I don't know how Tumblr will load them in

Also as of right now I decided I need to write detailed descriptions of each of theese so imma ramble a bit, also TW FOR GORE FOR THE FIRST DRAWING!! BE AWARE

this is a pair of angst filled drawings. So the girl on the top is my gem oc royal purple saphrine (saphrines made by spookiemora) and saphrines eat saphires to steal there abilitys of future vision. So I have a human hybrid oc who's half saphire, and I wondered "what would happen if a saphrine tried to eat a hlsaphire human hybrid" and thus agst insued. The character with the gun on the bottom is Irene, who is the girlfriend of Sophie (the aforementioned saphire human hybrid). So yeah just some angst for angsts sake lol

Next one

I made this in Dec 2021( I think) it's a redraw of something I made in dec 2020. ( or something to that effect) here's the original

The character is my gem human hybrid oc black amber. I'm very fond of both but generally like the new one better

Next one

this is my magical girl oc Katy! I drew her around valentine's day last year and I wanted to draw here being the absolute beauty she is ! I'm still trying to learn how to draw bigger bodys but this was a pretty good attempt.

This is my oc fancy pink saphire, I just really like the background and the texture on this one man :3 it's really pretty

This is my oc Omega purple pearl, she is the pearl of Omega purple diamond, I like the sahding and lighting on her , I think it gives ot a different vibe than my other art.

This is two ocs I made based on songs. I picked one song for look and another for personality so I got theese (btw when I say picked I mean I was listening to my liked music and just letting whatever song came on next pick the vibes )

left is

Desighn based on :banana bread-cave town Personality based on: this is home -Cave town

Right is

Desighn -copy cat- crusher-pPersonality - hell fire -annapantsu

Thats right we got an extremely abusive relationship here folks (mm angst time >:3)

Alright next drawing

Alcoholic rabbit man, idk I think I made this after having an odd dream. I just really like the vibes on this one man idk

Ive shown this drawing b4, it's my pfp , cupid is my boy and I love him lots

This is my oc Brooke, I made this of her when I first desighned the character and it was one of the more complex early art projects I took on.

This is another more random one. Something about this drawing always stuck with me tho and now I wanna draw more like it

I drew this for holloween either 2021 or 2022, I don't remember anymore, time isn't real. Anyway it's was a project for school but I ended up not showing my art teacher bc he didn't want blood in the drawing, but I did so I just never showed it to him. Lol, this took me at least two hours but I don't recall how long specifically

So it turns out I have way more images than I do energy to write good posts so were stopping here for tonight. I'll get some rest and maybe be back to normal posts in a few days, I just need some. Rest rn

[a-s-levynn]

Okay i'm gonna say it. And i genuinly do not mean this as a personal attack on anyone, simply as something to consider.

If what any given band decides to provide as content to their audience is not enough for you, try to get a hobby. Seriously. You are way too focused on one thing. We joke about being obsessed with stuff here but there is a fine line between fixation and unhealthy dependance.

Go read a book, watch a movie, pick up a series, start writing, learn to draw, start playing an instrument, go start skating, play a video game. Start collecting stamps if that's your thing. Anything. Literally anything. If you can't fill out your time with anything else but what one single band/artist/whatever gives you, you need to expand your horizon.

You can't expect literal strangers to give you anything they don't want to give, just because you are bored. And just think for a second, how much would you be willing to give up to entertain an audience, half of which can't even understand "please don't focus on our persons, listen to our music. all we have to give is in there." How much of your privacy would you be willing to sacrefice on the long run for people who don't even listen to what you say?

We've seen so many negative outcomes. Musicians literally been driven off of the internet by fans who couldn't get enough. Yes, Sleep Token is officially anonymous, but they already had so many breaches of their personal space even like this. They really do not need to give more ground to the so called "fans" who cannot respect and accept them as regular human beings.

The Sleep Token camp established from the get go what they give is what you get. Nothing more nothing less. And the crew and background people give exactly the behind the scenes content that the first anon says they would like to get. For example Thom Pike gave a lengthy interview on the FOH engineering. The techs of both IV and III gave rig rundowns. George Lever spoke a little about working with the Sleep Token project on multiple occasions. There have been collabs already, you just need to look for it. Live collabs by IV's with BMTH and Issues. Vessel tracking piano for BFMV years ago.

If this "side content" that the very much existing collabs or the crew provides is not filling that need for behind the scenes content, then again, it is something to think on why. Is it because it's "only" the crew and not the guys directly? Because if it is the reason, again, maybe rethink what you are saying.

Sleep Token is not a boyband. They are here to give their audience music not to be celebrities. They do not owe you, me or anyone anything. As musicians they only supposed to put out music to their best ability. Giving interviews and filming random videos for your or anyone's entertainment would take away time from what they could use for refining their next song or album.

I don't know about you, but i'd rather not hear an other word from any of them, if the next album is on the same level of quality as the previous was. And i'm saying that as someone who thoroughly enjoyes the Drumeo content II gave us. But he gave it because Drumeo is, at the end of the day, an educational platform. That interview mainly was not an entertainment piece. Because there is a difference.

I already feel like i talk about these things to much lately, but alas..

Idk if this will be controversial but the band’s secrecy makes me antsy sometimes.

I’m absolutely not implying anything about identities or the people behind the masks, but I wish to high heaven we got more content from them sometimes. BTS videos on the production process or live performances, magazine or video interviews, more covers or collabs or even solo performances like II did. Yknow, the stuff that other bands tend to do. I know there’s never going to be an increase in content like this but I can dream </3

It honestly has me conflicted. On the one hand I appreciate that it links to their concept and that in itself is something I love a lot, but on the other I just need MORE from them cause I love them too much T_T

.

[goatpaste]

sbr gio content mayhaps please i beg you

ok fair warning i got a lil too excited about the concept of a dinopants giorno, then thought too hard about it and spent WAY too much time on this <33

and its basically all half ass ideas and designs im still not set 100% on...

BUT!!

Diego and Hot Pants in my rewrite where they travel together after the ringo roadagain fight onwards, and pick up Lucy as a traveling companion/guardians from the infiltration arc onwards. live at the end of SBR. Both make it out with injuries and for Diego this meant he had to take an early retirement from competitive horse riding. Man still loves his horses and treats them like his own family, but will no longer be able to participate in the thrill of the race.

Once Diegos up to snuff again, with some help from Hot Pants and Lucy's connections to her grandfather Steel's assets, they were able to keep Diego alive. Diego lives with draw backs that keep him more limited than he used to be.

Hot Pants and Diego who have both grown to care for on another and the companionship they grew together on their trip, stay by each others side. HP accompanies Dio to England to find his estranged father and get a bit of insight into.. well whatever he thought he was looking for.

HP and Diego then settle down and with some years they have their first child who HP names Giorno, and Diego gives them the last name Giovanna after his late mother.

Giorno is a mischievous girl, and even with HP's stricter nature, she was a daddys girl. Absolutely spoiled rotten by Diego. She's a bit of a princess and acts like a know it all (and both annoyingly enough and creepy enough she's basically always right on the money). She tends to think of herself first but has a good heart, i picture her kinda a mixed balance on being like p5 Giorno and Trish. She has two younger siblings (who names are tbd but I'm picking them to be 6 and 8 years younger than Gio) and they were also spoiled but a lot better temperament than Gio was as she spent nearly 6 years the only kid in the house Diego focused his fatherly affection onto. However her siblings followed her around like ducklings. They simply adored her.

and in turn Dio loves her parents terribly and has been close to her aunt Lucy since she was young herself.

After the death of her father and the development of her stand, Giorno has left home and hasnt spoken to her mother Hot Pants in years now. Her father Diego ended up passing away after complications with his old injuries finally caught up with him, and not long after she fully found herself in possession of a full stand ability she could control. (Named Born to be, Album by Melanie. Might change at a later date,, ways also considering Moondog the artist or Jig Saw Puzzle also by Melanie for names...)

Im still debating the exact ability for B2B, but i do picture it being a healer/mender/fixer kind of ability, and Giorno often feels a heavy weight that if they had just developed their stand just a bit sooner, they could have helped their dad. Iv been picturing her having a mending ability that's a bit like nut king call but with sewing where she can sew things together with a tough thread that can be pulled apart with force, but im still debating this and if i want more added to this or something totally different,,, still playin around with B2B's concept

She found herself unable to stay home where he father no longer would be there waiting for her. Her mother still had her siblings and all her friends around, surly the daughter who had the ability to save Hot Pant's husband but didnt wouldn't be missed?

Now Giorno acts like a total con man, they hustle shady goods, play shifty pop up card games on the street, their kinda just a rotten no good slum of the street now. just waiting for some big thing to fall in her lap and sent her on a quirky weird adventure that'll change the very core of who she is as a person and learning that maybe the things that happened to you, even bad are the very things that change and grow you and make you who you are.

[obsidianpen]

You do know we would all love to read the tomarry Pokémon fiction, right? It sounds hilarious and brilliant!

Oh girl you don’t even know how complicated that storyline got in my head. I’ll ruin all of the spoilers for it now because I’m never gonna write it.

There would have been a whole arc throughout the story about the ‘legendary hallows’, aka the birds. They’d each correlate to a hallow from hp ish - articuno as the cloak, moltres as the stone, Zapdos as the elder wand. There is a legend that if you capture all three of them you’ll be, idk, the ultimate master. But ofc that’s just a legend because no one really owns a legendary bird; even when ‘caught’ they leave their ‘masters’ when the masters die or like, whenever they feel like it. Everyone knows that prof dumbledore (oak) briefly owned moltres for a time, before the fire bird amicably departed. And Harry’s dad, Harry later learns, briefly owned articuno. No one has seen or heard of Zapdos in decades.

so there’s a whole side story of Voldemorts company (is it still team rocket? Are they the death eaters? Sure yeah) and how they’re really a massive training organization cranking out great trainers to win all the tournaments out there and make all the money you can get from those. They’re trainers have gone as far as the elite four but no one has yet beat Tom riddle, leader of Pride team/house or whatever I’m calling that again. Snape and Bellatrix are two of those trainers and yes, they’re Jesse and James, and yes, they probably cross dress but the absolutely hate each other

Harry does make it to the elite four one day. He and Tom end in a never before seen draw, with the promise that Harry will be able to battle him next year and that Tom keeps his status as current champion. Oh, and later Harry wins part of the prize, which is the master ball (tho tom is not told this; in fact Cedric and the other champions say they think it’s shit he didn’t win and sneak it to him after the tournament is over. None of the like tom, the arrogant prick).

Anyway. Ive probably lost you by now. I swear this would all make a lot more sense if I spent millions s of words writing it properly. Er. Well. Eventually, after a thousand chapters, Harry would end up battling “Giovanni” (Voldemort), because in that year after trying to just be the best trainer ever he would learn about how corrupt that organization is (how they steal Pokémon and other shit too) and would decide he wants to take them down, and that’s more important than winning some fancy title. The moment before the V battle he would have had pika evolve (because we all have to grow up sometime and I always hated how no one ever really evolved in that show, literally or otherwise). Raichu would have beaten V’s Arbok or whatever he had (named Nagini ofc) and it would look for a moment like Harry wins, but then V starts laughing and blasts Harry’s Raichu (is it hedwig? Something else? Idk) with much more intense lightning than anyone has ever seen. Then ice. Then fire.

plot twist, turns out V has visited and found all of the legendary birds, but he never was interested in capturing them. He was only interested in gaining their power because (gasp) that’s right, Voldemort is a fucking Pokémon. Well half a Pokémon his mom was a ditto LMAO I swear this would be great not stupid hahahaha I hate myself, okay but really his mom was a sad ditto that managed to morph in a human look alike and charm a man who naturally freaked the fuck out when he learned what he’d had sex with and therefore baby half Pokémon Tom was abandoned and ditto mom died of grief. He was the only creature ever like it, and it explains who V, at least, can understand Pokémon.

so yeah that battle ends after Voldemort goes on a whole speech explaining this, admitting that he’s also tom riddle and he’s also whatever the fuck he wants to be because he’s the real master, and is clearly about to kill Harry and friends because no one can know all that, when Harry throws the master ball that V doesn’t know he has and… catches him. 🌈

[liriostigre]

hey! I wanted to ask what your favorite poetry books are? I have a few but I want to read new and interesting stuff, and I trust your taste :D

hiii ♡

tbh i only started reading poetry collections like,, last year. i'm subscribed to poetryfoundation's newsletter (poem of the day) so i usually just read random poems

anyway, i'm not sure my recs could be considered new (cause i'm gonna start with Mary Oliver ♡) but feel free to message me if you want to know the themes, style, feeling (vibes, if you will) or anything you want to know about these collections. for now, i'm linking my favorite poems in each collection, i hope this helps you choose! ♡

here you go:

Dream Work —Mary Oliver (“Wild Geese.” “Dogfish.”)

Red Bird —Mary Oliver (“Summer Morning.” “Love Sorrow.”)

Blue Horses —Mary Oliver (“To Be Human Is to Sing Your Own Song.” “Loneliness.” “Little Crazy Love Song.”)

The Wild Iris —Louise Glück (“Sunset.” “Retreating Light.”)

Haruko/Love Poems —June Jordan (“On a New Year’s Eve.” “Mendocino Memory.” “Toward a City That Sings.” *under the cut)

Extracting the Stone of Madness —Alejandra Pizarnik (“Primitive Eyes.” “Summer Goodbyes.” *under the cut)

Ariel —Sylvia Plath (“Tulips.” “The Rival.”)

Prelude to Bruise —Saeed Jones (“Postapocalyptic Heartbeat.” *under the cut)

Absolute Trust in the Goodness of the Earth —Alice Walker (“Coming Back from Seeing Your People.” *under the cut)

I Must Be Living Twice —Eileen Myles (“Edward the Confessor.” *under the cut)

Teaching My Mother How To Give Birth —Warsan Shire (“Conversations About Home (at the Deportation Centre.”)

The Black Unicorn —Audre Lorde (“Hanging Fire.” “Sister Outsider.”)

Bright Dead Things —Ada Limón (“The Riveter.” “Glow.”)

Night Sky With Exit Wounds —Ocean Vuong (“Thanksgiving 2006.” “Logophobia.”)

Postcolonial Love Poem —Natalie Diaz (“Manhattan Is a Lenape Word.”)

Crush —Richard Siken (“Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out.”)

Once —Alice Walker (“So We've Come at Last to Freud.”)

“Toward a City That Sings” by June Jordan

Into the topaz the crystalline signals of Manhattan the nightplane lowers my body scintillate with longing to lie positive beside the electric waters of your flesh and I will never tell you the meaning of this poem: Just say, ‘She wrote it and I recognize the reference.’ Please let it go at that. Although it is all the willingness you lend the world as when you picked it up the garbage scattering the cool formalities of Madison Avenue after midnight (where we walked for miles as though we knew the woods well enough to ignore the darkness) although it is all the willingness you lend the world that makes me want to clean up everything in sight (myself included)

for your possible discovery

“Primitive Eyes” by Alejandra Pizarnik

Where fear neither speaks in stories or poems, nor gives shape to terrors or triumphs.

My name, my pronoun — a grey void.

I’m familiar with the full range of fear. I know what it’s like to start singing and to set off slowly through the narrow mountain pass that leads back to the stranger in me, to my own emigrant.

I write to ward off fear and the clawing wind that lodges in my throat.

And in the morning, when you are afraid of finding yourself dead (of there being no more images): the silence of compression, the silence of existence itself. This is how the years fly by. This is how we lost that beautiful animal happiness.

“Summer Goodbyes” by Alejandra Pizarnik

The soft rumor of spreading weeds. The sound of things ruined by the wind. They come to me as if I were the heart of all that exists. I would like to be dead, and also to go inside another heart.

“Postapocalyptic Heartbeat” by Saeed Jones

I. Drugged, I dreamed you a plume of ash, great rush of wrecked air through the towns of my stupor. And when the ocean in your blood went toxic, I thought fire was what we needed: serrated light through the skin, grenade in the chest—pulled linchpin. I saw us breathing on the other side of after. But a blackout is not night; orange-bottled dreams are not sleep. II. I was a cross-legged boy in the third lifetime, empire of blocks in my lap while you walked through the door of your silence, hunting knife in one hand, flask in the other. I waited for you until I forgot to breathe, my want turning me colors only tongues of amaryllis could answer for. It owned me, that hunger, tendriled its way into my name for you. III. In a city made of rain each door, a silence; each lock, a mouth, I walked daily through the spit-slick streets, harbingers on my hands in henna: there will be no after Black-and-blue-garbed strangers, they called me Cassandra. (I had such a body then.) Umbrellas in hand, they listened while they unlistened. there will be no no. after

the world will end no.

you are the reason it no. ends

you no. IV. I didn’t exactly mean to survive myself. Half this life I’ve spent falling out of fourth-story windows. Pigeons for hair, wind for feet. Sometimes I sing “Stormy Weather” on the way down. Today, “Strange Fruit.” Each time, strangers find me drawing my own chalk outline on the sidewalk, cursing with a mouth full of iron, furious at my pulse. V. After ruin, after shards of glass like misplaced stars, after dredge, after the black bite of frost:        you are the after, you are the first hour in a life without clocks; the name of whatever falls from the clouds now is you (it is not rain), a song in a dead language, an unlit earth, a coast broken— how was I to know every word was your name?

“Coming Back from Seeing Your People” by Alice Walker

Coming back From seeing your people You were So wonderfully Full Of yourself.

But now You have supped With vampires They have fed Feasted On you.

They arise Bright-eyed Fit.

You alone have lost Not only Your sleep But also Your glow The luster of Affection Heart welcome Your people Sent home With you.

Beloved You must learn To walk alone To hold The precious Silence To bring home And keep the precious Little That is left Of yourself.

“Edward the Confessor” by Eileen Myles

I have a confession to make I wish there were some role in society I could fulfill I could be a confessor I have a confession to make I have this way when I step into the bakery on 2nd Ave. of wanting to be the only really nice person in the store so the harried sales woman with several toned hair will like me. I do this in all kinds of stores, coffee shops xerox shops, everywhere I go. And invariably I leave my keys, xeroxing, my coffee from the last place I am being so nice. I try so hard to make a great impression on these neutral strangers right down to the perfect warm smile I get entirely lost and stagger back out onto the street, bereft of something major. It’s really leaning too hard on the everyday. My mother was the kind of woman who dragging us into stores always seemed to charm the pants off the cashier. She was such a great person, so human though at home she was such a bitch, I mean really distant. I imitate her and I don’t do it well. She didn’t leave her wallet or us in a store. I’m just a pale imitation it is simply not my style to open the hearts of strangers to my true personhood. I hope you accept this tiny confession of what I am currently going through. And if you are experiencing something of a similar nature tell someone, not me, but tell someone. It’s the new human program to be in. It would be nice for at least these final moments if we could sigh with the relief of being in the same program with all the other humans whispering in school. I can’t quite locate the terror, but I am trying to be my mother or Edward the Confessor smiling down on you with up-praying hands. I am looking down at the tips of my boots as I step across the balcony of the church excited to be allowed to say these things. Outside my church is a relationship. On 11th street this guy and this woman are selling the woman so they can get more dope. All their things are there, rags and loaves of bread and make-up. And there was— this was incredible. Two men lying by the door of the church giving each other blow-jobs. They were sort of street guys, one black one white. I said hey you can’t do that here. They jumped up, one spit come out of his mouth. If you don’t get out of here I’ll call the cops. Don’t call the cops we’ll go, we’ll leave. That was a shock. That was more than I expected to see in a day. Something about seeing the guy spit come out of his mouth. He didn’t have to do that. I guess I scared him. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was scared too.