#but its still new. I dont have years of comfort and familiarity with these people. and online relationships are not a substitute

[cafffine]

..

[honeytonedhottie]

trusting and betting on urself⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🫧

keep promises that u make to urself : just like how if u know someone who continuously makes promises to do something, yet they never act upon it, you won't trust that person or believe them if they promise u something else. this is also the same with urself. ur new years resolutions? ur goals that you've had for a while but never ever did? all those promises that you've made to yourself and the ones that you haven't followed up on will lessen trust with urself. do what u say you'll do. "stand on business" and if u know that u won't be able to deliver or do what u say you would, dont say it. dont tell urself promises that u won't be able to keep. once u start keeping ur own promises, you'll start to build trust within urself.

hold yourself accountable : just a quick disclaimer but when i say holding urself accountable i do NOT mean punishing urself!! when u find urself falling into old and fruitless patterns you need to hold urself accountable and make sure that u straighten up. the thing about our relationship with self is that a relationship needs BOUNDARIES. you need to set boundaries with urself. what will u or what will u not do? ur non-negotiables?

and when u find urself crossing boundaries within yourself take the BIGGEST step back. the key to forming a healthy relationship with urself is to balance being strict and gentle with urself. strict in the sense that ur the only one that can get u to where u wanna be, and gentle in the sense that ur best won't look the same every single day and u should also listen to urself and what u want, without having to compromise on ur boundaries. kind of finding that middle line is important, bcuz when we're too lenient with ourselves, we get too comfortable and that leads me into my next point...

where growth begins : u cannot expect to grow if ur too comfortable and honestly, this is why most people stay stagnant. its bcuz being comfortable FEELS GOOD. but growth will almost never happen when ur comfortable, on the contrary growth can only happen outside of ur comfort zone. if u want better things for urself, ur simply gonna have to DO BETTER.

the importance of ur self concept : even if ur not familiar with or u dont practice conscious manifesting/law of assumption, i think that working on ur self concept can still be such a fruitful thing to do. i say this because self concept is the way that u view urself in relation to ur desires/goals. its seeing urself as worthy and powerful, and truly grasping ur potential to do great things. a way to start with ur self concept is with affirmations! start telling urself about urself in a positive connotation. you're unstoppable <3

putting it into practice : start small, challenge urself a little bit every day. do one hard thing a day, doing so will build ur confidence bcuz u won't be so daunted by ur big goals when you've already done so many hard things. when u see something challenging instead of thinking "oh i can't do this" you'll have confidence in urself and what u are capable of. oftentimes when we have goals, we kick ourselves out of rooms before we've even tried to get in them bcuz we think "im not good enough" or "im not worthy" which isnt true at ALL. dont shoot urself in the foot. thats self sabotage. and thats not hot.

motivating urself : if u remind urself of your "why" then you'll have reason to stay consistent and truly try. i recommend asking urself the tougher questions, like "what do i want out of my life?" or "am i truly happy and if not what can i do to get there?" once you've decided what u want out of life make a VISION BOARD and actively pursue your dreams. u can't actively pursue something if u dont know what it is. so i advise u to remind urself whenever u feel that u need it of your "why", your driving cause. having that motivation, and actively pursuing and keeping the promises that u make to urself -> will then build ur confidence in yourself to the point where your betting on urself bcuz u know that no matter what cards you are dealt, you'll prosper.

so just to wrap things up, an overview ; start keeping ur promises -> be strict -> get comfy being uncomfy -> say ur self concept affirmations -> apply -> remind

[blorbingqls]

peaceful property final thoughts: what is a home?

i remember the first time peaceful property was released as a mock trailer in gmmtv part 1 for 2024, and how excited i was for the series to air. i thought it to be a perfect ghostbusting plot for a show - and taynew have acted in many other non-BL shows that i was not too worried for it to be a BL or not BL. and internally, after seeing that trailer, i had an idea on how the show was gonna be on what it means to have a home, have a family and understand its better meaning.

now that the show has ended, it has come true in its best form. all the spirit stories was so rooted in the little things that most people would want, and each story ngl made me cry. it gave emphasis on family, on building homes, building warmth and building a sense of familiarity with love and care. and how even with care, the financial difficulties of most people get highlighted. it was endearing to me, because it gave me every flavour of drama, angst, hate, anger, horror, fear and love i thought i didnt need but i did. so badly.

i can definitely say the show was a lot on breaking, healing and building new stuff over the old, with the theme remaining constant over all of the episodes. personally, it provided a new meaning to home. we list a lot of thing while we talk about what home means to someone, in poetry, prose, media and daily life. and i believe you cant find one absolute meaning of home. the show said the same thing here as well. however, it add more depth to the things already said. how home lies within the people, not the buildings we create. its the memories that emphasise a home.

and i think here, the best example to explain home was through uncle somkid. the denial of care and affection he felt through years doesnt equate to the comfort he got at last, knowing his father did love him all those years, left him memories and things behind. and for us as the audience, probably, the arc that somkid got may not be correct because one may think the emotional unavailability of gramps and the whole family doesnt give the correct closure that somkid probably needed. but we find out somkid saying that he finally got the closure he needed. and that is something only he could justify, not us.

i learnt a deeper meaning of how home is everything - the chaos, disagreements, fights, denial of love, hate, laughter, envy, jealousy, pride, ego, disappointment, love, care, affection, warmth, being safe and content of being together with people. and feeling that all with people has become so valid. because you go through all those emotions in the course of life with people/buildings/memories you used to call/call/will call home. these feelings dont remain constant but they show up.

the way i interpreted "home" is still vague and may be incorrect, but i have felt this as i keep defining more homes over the course of my life. i have felt these emotions somewhere or the other while being in homes and its now something which makes me feel warm and content. and this show, made me feel it all.

will like to end my string of thoughts with this thought in mind.

[lokorum]

Pls rant about non romance cole…he’s my favorite character in anything, ever and it feels so sad that we never got to have a deeper relationship w him. Like the mechanics/possible lore of having a romance with a spirit are so tantalizingly interesting but no…also doubting we will see him in veil guard which leaves me so so broken …

*looks at their pile of unpacked feelings about cole*

so ૮( ◡̀_◡́)ა where to start....................

first of all uh! im not good at talking! that's why i draw phphp but i'll try my best to resurrect my memories from 2014 and share it with you!! sorry if it will sound weird, english is not my native language! 

well WELL from the begining then. i remember spending hours  more like days hhhh thinking about how weird and cool the recruiting scene with cole is? later when he is already with the inquisition, our party is either on guard around him or kinda treats him like he is helpless and needs special attention or guidance or something like that? demonising someone like him or framing them as in need of help are like textbook behavior ofc and im not here to be a hater, i just noticed it? moments with solas and varric fighting over him like a divorced couple are super cute for sure!!

but i remember being confused because excuse me, out of all of them, this guy??, this feral bat that is chilling on the ceiling like it's a lounge-zone inside Lucius' head, created especially for him?

he is confident. also a little bit nervous, a bunch mysterious and just ghostly cool. but also confident. (im not saying this confidence is not misplaced sometimes btw x) he even tells you that if you'll leave your head you'll die! what a jokester (҂ ꒦ິヮ꒦ິ)

and the whole quest with templars and envy are soooo horror coded, i love it!! it looked a bit silly, sure

(even after so many years im not able to get rid of the image in my brain phphphp) 

but it's still a very interesting quest!! dorian is ✨the bestie✨ but i'm always picking templars bc the implications of the story are just so good

1. its placed at the beginning of the game and your character is probably confused and anxious and dont yet worked out the routine of how to deal with their new title\powers + not every inquisitor character would want to be in the spotlight.

imagine you suddenly got yourself into position where a lot of people looking up to you, listening to what you saying, placing their hopes on you or waiting for you to fail? this is terrible! id 1000% just jumped out of a cliff!!! a small one, but still 

2. you meeting the guy who basically came from a place you now have unlimited access to.

he is: a) almost as confused as you are b) possibly came to this world without knowing consequences of that decision c) along the way he is figuring out how to be himself in the environment that is nothing like where he used to live. wow thats just like forced immigration *nervous laugh*

3. and let's not forget that you are meeting him inside your head and you can say to him "you look familiar".

dont know about you but apparently i dont need much to start screaming ¯(ツ)/¯

also can i just spend the moment to say that this is three (3) identical dialogue options??????????

the screenshot is from here btw

how awesome would it be to be able to figure out stuff together? to find comfort in someone, with someone who barely experienced it this way? to build on your strong sides? like "hope" for cole and i guess "unhingedness" for the inquisitor? i bet they would ground each other easily as well: cole distracting inq by being unintentionally mischievous and inq would have a notepad with cole's "firsts ____" or they would just read together. oh im such a sucker for hurt\comfort\some things cant be healed stuff uaaaaaaaaa

ALSO THE "FORGET" THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the drama the horror the tension!!!!!!!! you can fight me over this but heres the thought:

cole being so stressed that he is erasing\being on the edge of erasing the inquisitor's memories??????

i got the feeling that cole's confidence in the concept of "help" is, among other things, makes him being able to zoom in on something borderline obsessively? or vise versa - dismissively, not noticing "it hurts, its not for the better"? he thanks you when you promise to kill him, he cries when you do not. i swear this man (─ ‿ ─)

+quick addition bc im not entirely sure: so if i got it right, the anchor makes the inquisitor "too bright" to read? so among all the people we know about inq is the one that cole can't truly empathise on this lvl? on spiritual lvl you might say lsdkjflksdjflkj sorry!!!!! but jokes aside,this is like the perfect ground to build both comforting stories 

"someone from the party notices that cole is hanging near inq before inq do, and when asked he explains it by saying something like "dry warm skin. the air is stilled with quiet, easy to breathe. i followed the shining whispers and then i was followed no more" with the most plain face possible? "

and "today for lunch i have glass" kind of stories, like "the inquisitor is cornered and possibly bleeding and probably on the verge of passing out and they know that situation is bad and no one should follow/find them, "it's better to wait it out and deal with it on my own" kind of clown behavior. so they laugh tiredly at how pathetic they are, maybe remembering something similar from their childhood, remarks from their sibling for ex., and just trying their best to not think about how they need cole's help, cole's presence. the sense of safety that comes when he is around" 

uh!!! that wasnt neither quick or painless so i'll go make a tea wait a second please

im back!! so since i talked about the forget thing i must confess - i dont really like cole's personal quest???? again, im not complaining or anything but i remember feeling kinda empty while playing it? like deep inside me, there was something sad, but it was so far away,i coudn't even feel it properly?

both human and spirit versions of his ending made me feel like the distance between you and him lengthened, and maybe you could do something about it before but now? this "something" is missing and you're lost and can't even tell for sure if theres was a chance to do something in the first place? and cole just moved on? its super logical considering he is not a romance option but phphph so, i rarely romance someone in games, partly bc rpg tends to be a little horny and im that kind of ace who is not interested in this, partly bc i tend to pay attention to non-romanceable characters, so when i started to explore last da:i dlc and i saw cole having gf i was like "well ouch".

imagine your inq has a crush on cole but they never were able to say it clearly?

mb it was a melancholic slowburn, and your character was going through too much and felt like burdening cole with their problems would be unfair?

maybe they tried but the timing was wrong, the words felt stupid, and their hands felt too dirty, too guilty?

oh anon its been ten years and its still huuuuuurts!!!! if you following me for a while you know that im an edge lord in poor disguise so its not surprising for neither you or me that i ended up rumbling about inexplicable sadness and crushing existential guilt, but sorry for that anyway!! if anyone would want me to talk about something specific, or to draw something - im here, staring at the wall, listening to cole's banter :') thank you for the wonderful question tho, it was more than just nice to return back to this ship. im so agreeing with you about cole being the fave character from everything, but i also understand that this could mean being very unsatisfied with the way he was portrayed at some points or just with the fact that characters like him are rare so im sending you warm and tight hugs and a little sketch!! <3 

let's collectively accept the fact that dav gonna be a beautiful mess, we gonna love it (passionately), we gonna be hurt by it (not surprisingly) and COLE FOREVER WILL BE THE BEST DA CHARACTER EVER IM NOT GONNA CHANGE MY MIND FIGHT ME

[ashwhowrites]

Eddies ex made me sob it was so beautifully written like wow😭

But I had an idea imagine eddies ex but kind of flipped, hear me out. Eddie and reader use to date but they broke up because reader was forced to move leaving Eddie heartbroken and forced to forget about her, then 5 years later reader comes back to find Eddie is with her old best friend🫣But then long story short eddie and reader fall back in love.I dont know if any of that made sense but i think you would write this so well🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Thank you sm!

And yeah I think I can definitely make this work. Hopefully it's what you were looking for

Reader and her old best friend are no longer friends! So no hard feelings when she snatches Eddie back

⚠️ it's going to hurt at first

Not proofread

Eddie fell in love once and only once. He fell fast, hard, and deep. They were young and they believed they'd be together forever. They would defeat all the odds people had against them. It was them against the world.

Her dad didn't like Eddie very much. He hated that Eddie occupied her mind. Corrupted his little girl and made her do things she never would have done.

They were each other's first everything. She kissed him underneath the stars on their first date. Lost their virginity to each other when they drove up to the beach when she ran away for the first time. Admitting how much they loved each other on his birthday as he played on his new guitar.

Eddie truly believed he was going to marry her. Had the ring picked out, the proposal spot ready. He got the courage to ask her dad for his blessing, he said no, vowing Eddie would never be good enough for his daughter. But Eddie didn't feel discouraged, he knew she loved him and she wanted to be with him.

But their fairy tale love came crashing down when she broke the news she had to move away. Her dad got a job in another state and she had no choice but to move with him. He remembers how she cried in his arms. Make up running down her cheeks. He remembers kissing her wet lips as he cried into her skin.

She promised to write letters. She promised to call. She promised she wouldn't forget him and she'd come back for him the second she could live on her own.

And he believed her

~~

It's been five years since she left and she broke all of her promises. He never got letters. He never got a phone call. And she never came back for him.

With a broken heart Eddie had to learn to pick up the pieces. Finding comfort in someone else's arms. He didn't want to move on but he couldn't let life pass as he prayed for the one who got away to come back.

It was stupid but he went after her old best friend. It was the only way he felt like Y/N was still around. Kai was the only thing Eddie had left of Y/N and he was desperate. Now he's been with Kai for two years, and he knew it wasn't love and he'd never love her. His heart would always rest at night in its home, no matter how far away Y/N was.

~~

Y/N took the deepest breath she could manage. Swallowing her nerves as she knocked on the familiar red door. The same red door she closed behind her when she had to leave Eddie for the first time.

She felt stupid standing here. She never received any answers to her letters, always being sent back. Her dad refused to have any phones in the house, refusing to let her call Eddie. But a promise is a promise, and she was ready to come back for him.

But the second the door opened and she saw the familiar brown eyes, she felt the tears welling in her eyes

"holy shit...Y/N?" He gasped out

There she stood, the love of his life on his doorstep. Crying as she flung herself in his arms. He wrapped his arms around her, inhaling her familiar scent.

"I did it. I did it for us! I bought an apartment nearby and everything. He can't keep us apart anymore" are explained, pulling away slightly to look up at his face

He felt his heart beating in his chest. His palms sweating as he held her hips. She was here again....she was here for him, for them. And he moved on

She didn't wait for him to say anything, smashing her lips onto his. Desperate clinging on to his body. Relief filling her as he kissed her back, hands cupping her jaw. She moaned as he kissed her harder, her hands moving into his hair as she tugged. Everything felt right and nothing hurt anymore.

Eddie pulled away, eyes staring back into hers. Silently holding each other. Overwhelmed with so much emotion she went to chase his lips again. Eddie watched as she closed her eyes, leaning in. She was inches away from his soft lips when he whispered,

"I have a girlfriend" he choked out

Her eyes snapped open, "what?"

"I...I'm in a relationship. For the last two years"

His body went ice cold as she quickly removed herself from him

"yeah of course. Sorry for that. I shouldn't have done that" she laughed, trying to ignore the sting in her heart

He could always read her. She was seconds away from bursting into tears. He went to reach for her again but she stepped back. He felt his heart drop in his stomach

"I'm sorry" he choked out. He felt like he was seconds away from crying himself

"no it's fine. It was honestly pretty pathetic of me to think it would be the same. I should go. Congratulations on the relationship. I'm happy for you" she choked out, nodding to herself as she spoke. A small tight smile as she turned around

"can we at least catch up?" He called after her

She nodded, handing him a piece of paper with her new address

With a heavy heart, she drove away.

~~

Eddie couldn't sleep that night. The image of her heartbroken face reminded him of when she was forced to leave. He tossed and turned. His eyes watched as Kai slept peacefully. His lips could feel the ghost of Y/N's pressing against his. Shivering as he felt her skin on his.

The girl he's been in love with since he was sixteen was in an apartment alone nearby. And he laid in bed with a girl who could never compare. But he also felt angry. She promised to sit to write letters, to call and she never did. He had every right to move on. He shouldn't feel guilty about it. But he did. He felt so fucking guilty.

~~

Y/N finished putting away her last box, checking the clock to see it was midnight. Realizing she should probably head to bed, she turned off the main lights and began to walk to her bedroom, stopping as there was pounding on her door.

She looked out the peephole to see Eddie on the other side.

She opened the door with a small smile

"hey what's up?"

"you never tried for me, or for us. You can't be mad I moved on when I waited for three years and got nothing" he was fuming. She can't make him feel guilty for this.

"Eddie, what in the hell are you talking about? You never answered my letters you sent them back! And I'm not mad at you for moving on. I knew there was a chance you'd be someone else's by the time I made it back" she confessed

"no what are you talking about? I never got letters, never got a phone call! You broke your promises. Of course I was going to move on. I had nothing to hold on to"

"I couldn't call because my dad refused to let me use a phone. I have boxes of letters to prove to you that I wrote constantly. I didn't break any promises because I tried! And good for you Eddie. I'm so happy you moved on. " She rolled her eyes. Did he have to keep rubbing that in her face?

"what like you never did?" He scoffed

"no Eddie I never did" she confessed as she shrugged her shoulders

"you what?" Relief filling his bones. It was selfish, to be so relieved she didn't move on but knowing his girlfriend is laying in his bed.

"I never moved on. I knew I was coming back for you so I never looked. I spent all my time working my ass off to afford leaving to come back here for you. You told me you'd wait for me. The real liar is you" she snapped

"I want to see the letters" he said, pushing through her door as he walked into her apartment. His mind needed to focus on something other than the fact she spent the last five years only thinking of him.

She walked to her bedroom, grabbing the box. His heavy body sitting on her bed as she planted it in his lap

"here. Five years worth of letters. Everything you sent straight back"

Eddie searched through the box closely. None of the letters looked familiar. There were hundreds and hundreds.

"I never got these" he mumbled out. Opening letter after letter. Dates written neatly in the corners

"stop lying. I get it you wanted to forget about me and move on" her voice week as she yanked the box out of his hands

"I'm not lying and that's not true. I think about you every single day. And I refused to forget you. I kept everything that you left behind. When I told you I was going to love you forever I meant it" he said softly, grabbing her hand and leading her into his lap

"I love you too. But you have a girlfriend and I shouldn't ruin that"

"ruin it. I don't care. Let's ruin it together. I want you and only you. I've been praying you'd show up at my door again and I'm not letting you leave again. We deserve to be together" his soft voice hitting her lips as he rested his forehead against hers

"I'm going to go home and talk with her. I'll be back tomorrow and it'll be just us. The way it was always supposed to be"

~~

Eddie spent the whole night fighting with Kai. Apparently she felt him leave and stayed up, fuming and waiting to snap the second he came back home.

A huge fight broke out and Eddie found out the truth. Kai was always jealous of Y/N. Wanting Eddie for herself but Y/N snatched him first.

Eddie also found out Kai was the one hiding the letters. Sending them back the same day they showed up. Eddie thought she came over every day as a friend to check up on him. Never knowing she was making sure he never once heard from Y/N.

Eddie didn't feel any pain when she slammed the door on her way out. Not caring even one bit that he just broke up with his girlfriend. All he cared about was Y/N and now he gets to spend his life with her.

Making sure the ring is in his pocket, he walked out the door.

Driving to her apartment

The question and the fate of their future on his tongue

And he couldn't wait

~~

Eddie knocked on her door in a hurry. His feet bouncing as he waited for her to open the door.

The second he saw her face, he swooped her in his arms and smashed his lips on hers. Moving into her house with his lips locked on hers. Closing the door with his foot as he pushed her into the wall across from the door. His tongue dipping into her mouth. He could feel his insides crying as his body was reminded of what she feels like. Trying to keep his knees from buckling as she kissed deeper. Her tongue wrestling with his as her hands held on his belt buckle. Yanking him closer and closer.

Once they were breathless, she pulled away. Gasping as she admired his mature looks. He was grown up and more handsome than ever.

"I love you so much" he said, kissing her lips softly

"I love you too" smiling as he kissed her over and over

"I need to ask you something crazy" he said with a deep breath

She nodded, slightly confused

He moved down to one knee, her hands covering her mouth as she gasped

"no way" she whispered

"yes way" he laughed

Pulling the ring out of his pocket

"Y/N, baby, I've been waiting every day for the past five years to ask you this, and I can't wait another second. Will you marry me?"

His brown eyes looking up at her as he opened the box

Her eyes never even looked down at the ring, lost in his eyes as she nodded fast

Sobbing into her hands as she stuck her hand out

Eddie cried silently as he slipped the ring on her finger. Kissing her deeply.

Eddie always knew he was going to marry her.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @slightlyvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergent @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming

[fleivious]

When the Wilderness Calls

Pairing ; Charlotte 'lottie' Matthews x gn!reader (but i wrote imagining a woman, tho there is no use of pronouns for the reader)

Years after surviving a plane crash, you reconnect with Lottie, the only person who understood your shared connection to the wilderness that once trapped you. Now leading an enigmatic community, Lottie reveals that her visions have returned, and the wilderness may not be done with either of you. As old feelings resurface, you must confront the haunting past and the mysterious force that still lingers, threatening to pull you both back into its grip.

i dont know if anyone will read but i wanted to post hehe, and this is my first fic so i hope i did a good job, i might continue writing if someone is interested, otherwise it will prolly just be that. but yeah, enjoy it!!!

ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐

ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐

You were in the plane crash with the team. Back then, you and Lottie had a brief, intense connection. Neither of you had ever thought about each other that way before, but being stranded, desperate, and isolated in the wilderness, things just happened. The need for comfort and understanding drew you together. Out of everyone, you were the only one who believed her, the only one who understood when she spoke about the wilderness the way it seemed to talk to her. Because of that, the two of you grew closer. At some point, without any real discussion or labels, you just… acted on what you felt. It wasn’t something planned or defined, it simply was.

But after the rescue, everything changed. Lottie was sent to a mental institution, and you lost contact. Years passed, and while life went on, you never truly recovered. There was an emptiness inside you, one that no therapist, psychiatrist, or medication could ever fill. No matter what you tried, that hollow feeling remained. Years later, you heard about an intentional community, a retreat of sorts. It sounded a little odd, but you were desperate for something to take your mind off the past. So, you thought, why not? What could go wrong? You didn’t expect much… but what you didn’t expect at all was to see her.

Lottie. At the welcome party for new members, there she was, standing in the middle of the crowd, older, different, but still as captivating as ever. She looked so calm, so content. Seeing her again stirred something in you, something you thought you’d buried. She was just as beautiful as you remembered, maybe even more so with time.

As you watched her, your mind raced. Did she recognize you? Did you want her to? You felt torn between excitement and dread, wondering how she would react if she saw you. Did she still feel what she felt back then? Had her feelings changed? Was she with someone else now? The questions buzzed in your mind, and you weren’t sure you wanted the answers.

And then, as fate would have it, her eyes found you in the crowd. She was in the middle of giving a speech, but for a brief moment, her words faltered. No one else seemed to notice, but you did. She recognized you.

After the speech, people began mingling, and before you knew it, Lottie was making her way towards you. You were talking to one of the members when you felt a hand on your shoulder. A familiar shiver ran down your spine at the touch.

“Y/n?” Her voice was soft, almost apprehensive.

You turned to face her, your heart racing. “Lottie. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” you replied nervously.

“How have you been, truly?” she asked, her gaze filled with something that looked like both fondness and melancholy.

“I try my best to be okay, but… you know. I’ll never be the same after what happened,” you said, trying not to dampen the mood.

Lottie’s expression softened, her eyes full of understanding. “None of us are. That trauma… it changes us forever.”

You felt your throat tighten as the emotion welled up. “I really missed you, you know,” you said, your voice trembling as you fought back the tears.

“And I missed you more than words can express. I thought about you every single day,” she replied, her voice quiet, vulnerable.

That was it. You couldn’t hold back anymore. You stepped forward and hugged her, wrapping your arms around her as if you’d been waiting decades for this one embrace. Lottie seemed taken aback at first but quickly returned the hug, her arms enveloping you in a warmth you’d longed for. You buried your face in her neck, and finally, after all these years, the tears you had been holding in began to flow. In her arms, you felt safe again. You felt like you were home.

“You look so beautiful,” you murmured as you pulled back slightly, cupping her face in your hands. She had aged, but there was a grace to her that made her even more stunning.

Lottie chuckled softly at your words, a blush creeping across her cheeks. “Thank you, Y/n. You’re not so bad yourself,” she teased, her thumb gently wiping away the last of your tears.

Your face flushed deep red at her playful words, and all you could do was smile and giggle awkwardly. “That smile… I’ve missed it,” she said, her own lips curving into a soft smile at the sound of your laughter.

“I really wasn’t expecting to see you here,” you admitted, finally starting to process how surreal it was to find her leading this community. You had thought she was still in the institution in Switzerland, but you decided not to bring it up.

“And yet here we are,” she said with a wistful tone. “I guess fate has a funny way of bringing people back together, doesn’t it?” Her gaze never wavered from yours, as if she were trying to memorize every detail of your face after all these years.

“I guess it does… but I wish fate hadn’t kept us apart for so long,” you replied, your voice breaking slightly as the sadness and anger of those lost years crept up on you.

“I know,” she whispered, her eyes softening. “But we’re here now. And we have each other again. That’s what matters, right? No use crying over spilled milk.”

You giggled at her analogy. “You’re right. But tell me… how have you been? How did this all happen? I mean, this community and everything.” You gestured to the people around you, still trying to grasp how she had ended up here, of all places.

Lottie let out a soft, almost bittersweet chuckle at your question. "It’s a long story," she said, running a hand through her hair as her eyes flicked around the gathering before settling back on you.

"After... everything that happened, I couldn’t just go back to the way things were. I needed something more. I started looking for ways to feel... connected again, to feel like I had a purpose. That’s when I came across a group of people who felt the same way, people who were searching for something beyond the everyday noise of the world. She paused, her eyes glazing over as she continued, "At first, it was just about healing, sharing our stories, finding comfort in each other. But as time went on, things started changing. I started having the visions again, but this time, they were clearer. The wilderness... it spoke to me. It told me what I had to do." Her voice dropped, the tension in her words unmistakable.

Lottie looked down, her fingers absently tracing patterns on the hem of her sleeve. "That’s how the community began. I wasn’t trying to lead anyone, but people saw something in me something I could hardly explain. They wanted to be part of it. They wanted to listen, to follow. And now, here we are." She gestured subtly to the people mingling around you, their faces glowing with contentment, oblivious to the undercurrents of darkness.

Her gaze turned more serious as she met your eyes again. "But it’s not just a community, Y/n. It’s bigger than that. I tried to ignore the signs, tried to believe it was just me, but I think... I think the wilderness isn’t done with us just yet."

[torialefay]

Ooo new dorm arrangements! It made sense to me imo. Ive been a stay for a weird amount of time: started in 2019 and im on and off every other year. I usually listen to bands like ptv, sws, and bmth, uhhh... kinda the music my emo friends listened to in the early 2010s, so i end up coming and going.

Anyways, i remember watching "finding skz" and the survival show back in 2019/2020, and i think it's mentioned that when they all lived in one dorm, I.N. tends to clean up after them, but i think it was implied it was more like "maknae's chores." If my memory is still intact, I.N. everyones favorite roommate bc he's pretty organized and has good style... and he's the youngest, so they can dote on him but also boss him around lmao. Chan was the one most of them wanted to avoid rooming with purely bc he's not only organized, but he was strict on them and their leader, so he had the right to boss them around. They werent all familiar with each other on a personal level back then, just on a professional level, so it was kinda like rooming with your boss in a way lol. His tendency to go naked around the dorm and dote on them probably also contributed to that reason, but it was still really early in their career so they were reluctant to mention anything too """"scandalous"""" on camera. But yeah, those two together fit, especially now, since they've gotten to know each other a lot better and have chilled out.

Minsung together, obviously. I don't see them as clingy with each other as a lot of people seem to think. They're comfortable, secure, and read each other well. They dont necessarily need each other to live, but it's certainly much, much better together.

Changbin and Hyunjin. An emotionally aware person with a really emotional person. Changbin likes to play up his "crush" on Hyunjin for the camera, but i think he knows everyones boundaries enough to know when to reel it back. They seem to accommodate for each other and are still getting to know each other better, but then again, im not at all caught up on everything and dont know any of them personally lmao

Felix and Seungmin... for some reason, they seem both more emotionally attached yet also more emotionally distant than I see stay mentioning. The company's really pushing the "Felix is not human, he's a fairy" idea for a while now, and from an outsider's view, hes very pretty and im sure hes a very sweet person, but it looks a bit... tiring keeping that up.. and Seungmin is known for his "do what i want" attitude, especially lately with his "aiming for jyp" comments, and whatnot... idk where im going with this.... uhh ... well, i think their place is just them chilling. Just dudes being bros and getting a strong sense of being normal guys without the company rules on their image and being casual with each other. "Its not that deep until it is" vibes where they'll do the dude thing and not talk about their feelings much when they hang out, but every now and then, they'll let it all out, but its pretty rare.

you are kinda my life savor anon, coming through with all the hard-hittinf evidence to solidify my thoughts 🥺😂

i really do think the chan/i.n. dorm will work out great... other than innie having to see chris naked from time to time ig. but also, i feel like chris is kinda more respectful towards in??? idk it's just the vibe i get. and to be fair, i wishhhhh we got to see more of strict chris so bad. like when they talk ab it, i wanna see videos so bad. so if you have any recommendations, pls lmk. it's just so hard for me to picture him being scary 😭😂

oh no i agree 100%. like minho/jisung are just chilling to themselves most of the time, but i feel like they are also the type to be at their dorm and one of them is like "hey we got invited to go do xyz. do you want to go?" "not really..." and then they just smile at each other in unison bc it's easier for both to say no than just one. idk idk i feel like theyre just good for each other

oh yes, i'm firmly on team "changbin knows exactly what he's doing." like i genuinely feel so similar to changbin sometimes bc i am truly the same way, but like you can tell when it's a healthy vs unhealthy amount... and i think hyunjin likes that little bit of attention 😭😭😭 i think they're just good for each other

okay so i know felix is our sweet lil sunshine baby, but i just KNOW behind the scenes, he's way more "dude" than what his image shows. like idk if anyone has proof but i just feel it in my bones that he can be lowkey really crude & that seungmin eats that shit up. like i think seungmin probably finds it really fucking funny. bc we've all seen the clips of felix cursing... a lot. i just know seungmin is influenced by it. like 100%. seungmins "i'll fucking punch you".... yeah, those two belong together <3

editing to add: omg omg the emo and pop punk phase will also never die out for me 😭😭 we are one and the same baby. i finally got to see black veil brides a couple of years ago and it was like all of my teenage fantasies were coming true 😭😭

[p1x1x]

wrt insight not mentioning lagrange at all alluding to her not knowing who she is, honestly i'm still coping and running on the theory that compassion is a younger insight and her guardian was a younger lagrange, and that she doesn't remember her because, ascending to godhood, abandoning humanity, etc... if she's been watching arc for a while then you'd think she'd recognise tairitsu as one of the last shapers right? but she doesnt... maybe that memory of a past life is clouded to her now. idk i just miss lagrange.......

tbh real huff that copium 🔥🔥🔥 i am always on copium

i’ll still say that i dont particularly see that theory but u know if it happens to be that i’ll eat my metaphorical hat (im partially blindsided by the ideas of past-somewhat-one-sided-but-maybe-she-didnt-know compassion/insight yuri, which means they’re two different people in my mind hahaha) (this is so unlikely tbh but one can dream...)

but yeah i hope lagrange is gonna be in the rotation soon considering how she wants to meet god here (who is unfortunately insight right now…) maybe she’ll get pulled into main story (though i wonder if it is getting a little crowded now esp with a new character just added)... you made me check when she was released... its been 3.5 years...

ik there’s a theory about lagrange being the narrator of vita’s story… which i could agree given the aspects of what it means to “know”, how the narrator is familiar with the Void, how they know that there are others… the style of speaking doesnt quite strike me entirely as lagrange buuuuuut i’d have to check the narration side by side later so take that with a grain of salt... the narrator saying vita had been “blessed” as near all the others waking up in arcaea feels very not lagrange though given her own story fhhdhdhd

(maybe she had found vita's memories after she had left the End, in which she had left some truth of the world behind, but i dont think that’d change her into thinking the light of this world as a blessing…)

i honestly dont know about the whole insight and not knowing tairitsu thing lol... tried to type out some things but im confusing myself more... for sure, i think insight shaper theory is pretty confirmed now (esp with the song lyrics and some talk of how maya is more than what could ever be 'shaped' and other stuff)... but all she did in regards to tairitsu was mention that she was the one with the story of 3 lives here... no other comment on who she is. i may be too dumb to figure this out so 🤣🤣

idk its like... 2 hours before the update drops now? i've lost my mind waiting all day. i'm a little more comfortable with rambling abt character relationships than worldbuilding and all this theorizing events tbh (even if i think arcaea's is very cool with fun potential... honestly really interested in the story ui revamp for the update, since they said they made all the stories in the game have a clear reading order!! im very happy about this hopefully my brain can wrap around the timeline of things better...)

[cvntyboylove-666]

hey man, asking you because youre the first blog ive seen that seems on topic with this and im wondering if you have insight about what im going thru.

ive been on T almost two years. Im planning on getting surgery this year for top. I have no fucking idea why, i absolutely have a kink for crossdressing. Why the fuck am i into wearing my old girl clothes? Whats the fucking appeal to me?????? What the hell is going on lmao. This is VERY, VERY FUCKING NEW. Like, THIS WEEK new. i hated this once so much that i wanted to die, so- what???? the hell??? Lmfao ???????

Its not even like, i dont even know man! Im a top, i like girls waaaaaay more like so much more that any attraction to men is basically completely insignificant and not worth chasing. Ive been avoiding femme things for so long because I hadnt gotten to a point in my transition where I was comfortably set into my masc presentation. Its been a slow burn. I still avoid quite a few things cuz im scared it will be familiar. But this isnt familiar. Theyre my clothes, or they were, once, they fit me perfectly, i know their seams, their rips, their clasps. Theres somehow no mental click for me that its associated with me. Why am i getting off on wearing my own underwear?

Hey, there! These are super valid questions! In my experience, it's different for everyone, but I will try my best to explain how it works for me.

First of all, I was always very feminine, and lots of people didn't believe me when I came out as trans because of it, so I repressed every feminine thing about me for years and tried to be as masculine as I could so everyone would believe me about my gender. I thought taking those things away from myself would make me a real man and alleviate some dysphoria, but they just hurt and made it so much worse. When I finally realized I could be feminine AND a man, everything made sense to me. I never feel more euphoric than when I'm being feminine, while secure in my male identity. It might be weird but it's just how I feel. I think some of my cross-dressing/lingerie kink might be a form of therapy from all that time I spent with toxic masculinity. I think it's also the idea of being seen as a man, while wearing "women's" clothing is appealing to me as a trans man. I also just love being a pretty boy, and something about lace and skirts and makeup excites me.

Not sure if this helps, thanks for reaching out! <3

[redflagsandbanners]

werewolf nancy werewolf nancy werewolf nancy

newly bitten werewolf!nancy struggling to cope going back to highschool/really busy sensory environments and autistic!robin being like 'Ah! i know this one!!' and helps her out with shit not knowing abt The Werewolfism.

maybe its post season 3 where theyre in that nebulous period where they dont really know eachother yet and nancy is all alone and robin finds her having a panic attack at the back of the school during lunch (robin is already sitting there just eating a sandwich and is like 'u okay bud??')

Winters of closed windows, heat turned up. Classrooms and hallways boiling with students breathing close, voices bouncing on concrete, laughter about holidays passed, about a year starting off, about Hawkins staying safe from the mosters of tragedy and fear.

Nancy presses her forehead on the freezing metal of her locker, barely suppressing a growl. They are low at the back of her throat. A noise dragging just enough for someone to pick up in the clattering crowd, a noise somehow releasing some tension from the depth of her chest. Not enough.

A drop of sweat slides down her pulsing temple. The sounds are loud enough for her head to feel like splitting, for her lungs to weight a ton. From the distant, wet chewing of gum, to overbearing, drilling sound of laughter, to teachers making such stupid conversation in their office.

The wolf can hear every little hitch of noise in the building. They drum right through Nancy's brain, to her bones, making her jawline tighten against spreading numbness.

Nancy actually feels sick from it. The growl is threatening to turn into a whine, and the muscles of her jawline shake. In an effort to keep from expanding, from letting out a bit more of tension.

She pushes away from the cafeteria because there is no way she'd be able to sit in there without howling, without tearing the noise into silence with bloodied teeth, razor sharp claws. The growl has left her throat dry, tightening, in need for water, a piece of bread, a sliding, wet bite of -

"Jesus", she breathes as the doors slam open and the shocking, freezing wind of January slaps against her cheeks, her neck, and bites her bare fingers.

The air is sandpaper in her throat, in her lungs. They tighten at the shocking change. The headache pounds with a punishing throb at the sudden quiet of the empty outdoors and, confused, the wolf thrashes for release. For the familiarity of the woods.

Nancy looks at her cramping hands, the way they shift gray. She forces them into fists, up against her hurting jaw.

"Wheeler?"

The voice is sudden, familiar, buried under the scent of wet asphalt and snow. It belongs to a blob of clothing by the fire escape. Not one inch pf bare skin sits in sight. The girl is barely protected by the cold and yet -

"What are you doing out here? It's freezing".

"Are you okay?"

Her mouth feels smaller than it really should. Breathing is still troubled and the noises - she can still hear the noises from inside.

"You look overwhelmed".

Nancy almost snarls at her, almost grows teeth and bites the air inches from the girl's face as it is covered in a deep purple, patterned scarf. She wants out of the school, the hallway, the noises. A familiar bed, a comforting scent of cooking and a person breathing in sync next to her. She -

The slicing pain in her chest is familiar when she thinks of Jonathan. Jonathan never liked the cafeteria, summer and winter lunches spent alike; in the warmth of the front seats, in the liberating sense of sitting on the car's hood.

Nancy's new car sits like a beacon of light in the parking lot, motionless and waiting to be filled with two people in the front. It has been such a long time since she had anyone other than Mike to sit in the passenger seat.

"Is it too loud?"

Nancy turns, looks at the blob of clothes. Takes a sniff in her direction and -

Steve.

Steve, Steve, Steve. His scent is wrapped on the scarf, the shoulders of the girl's jacket. His wide hands have trailed over the fabric of the girl's warm clothes, a few hours ago, today, yesterday. A permanent fix like the smell of old carpets, warm plastic, a rubbed line of film. Shampoo and wool blankets. She eats from a lunchbox; crackers, cheese, forest ham, berries, a wiff of chocolate closed off to the side. Faint words of a language Nancy doesn't understand come from the headphones hung down from a knee.

Slowly, Nancy closes her eyes. Rubs slow circles on the throbing spot above her eyebrow and comes to curl in back to herself.

"Any flesh monsters coming through the walls?"

Nancy's head whips up. "I -"

The girl waves a hand in the air. "Bad one. Sorry".

"What are you doing here, Robin?"

"Lunch time, isn't it, Wheeler?"

"It's cold".

"You're the one without a coat on".

"That's a coat".

"Jacket. You want to sit?"

"I -"

Robin lifts her eyebrows until they touch the beanie. She nudges her head toward the wall. "Whole building can feel like a boiling fucking pot every winter".

Without meaning to, Nancy slowly leans back against the brick wall. It rubs against her bare hands, cold, solid. "Gets loud".

"Does. Cluttering hell".

"You are in band, aren't you?"

"Don't you compare lovely symphonies to this screeching racket of teenagers".

A smile cracks over Nancy's face. A deep skip of nerves, like the shiver of fur and the wiggle of a tail, shakes through the werewolf's body. Her voice is basically a purr; "Band barely practices symphonies".

"As if you have watched us practice, Wheeler".

"Fair enough".

Robin's breathing is deep, slow. Only a couple of inhales catch at the gulps in the girl's knotted throat. Heartbeat pounding as if anxious. Nancy looks at her, only to find steel blue staring back. She is guarded, caught in a balance of watching and expecting Nancy's own reactions to her.

As if she is another wolf, as if she is carrying so similar secrets to Nancy's own that the unity is strange. They haven't talked more than a couple of times since Starcourt Mall. Nancy remembers seeing Steve's bruised face through the rest of the summer, the bloodshot blue of Robin's eyes.

And now, the wind blows a teasing wave of icy cold. Nancy closes her eyes against it, letting it relieve the tensed muscles. Robin curls inward and shivers with small, pained sound.

She almost whines in sympathy to the sound, almost dugs her head and shifts closer to offer some - almost -

Nancy pushes off of the wall, boots rubbing on gravel with a comforting, unthreatening sound. Robin tenses up anyway, a catch of breath. The werewolf dugs her head and nods to the step next to the girl.

"Can I sit for a moment?"

"Huh. Yeah, sure, Wheeler".

The marble is as cold as icy but Robin is sitting on her bag. Nancy hears another pound of her heartbeat when the first touch of body warmth envelopes the girl. She hears the words, a quiet comment, catch at Robin's throat. They're not allowed to be said.

And, with them, the anxious rattle of Robin's breathing is back. Nancy can understand she makes the girl nervous but there is not much to do for that in January's cold. The tape keeps mumbling words in Italian. The scent of ham and cheese fills the air; Robin carefully nudges the unusual lunchbox toward Nancy, offering her food.

The wolf whines for the snack, Nancy silences it. Robin slowly starts to relax too.

With Jonathan to California, with Steve having graduated, the boys and Max stuck to troubles for freshmen Nancy doesn't even want to touch with a stick - Robin is the only other person in the building, who knows. Knows the whole truth about Starcourt Mall, knows of the Soviet Union invading, of the Upside-Down and monsters in the walls, underneath their feet, working in labs and on stolen children with psychic powers.

Nancy doesn't know what to do with that. Next to her, Robin doesn't seem to know either. It isn't like they can talk about -

"You doing okay? After summer?"

Nancy feels her gut freezing. The wolf snarls a low, warning sound deep in her chest. Robin -

Robin may know of another dimension, but she doesn't know about the wolves. Nobody knows about the wolves. Not yet. That's a secret Nancy has for herself and the fresh scars of an old bite on her shoulder.

Nancy bites back bile and a shiver. Around October, Jonathan started sleeping soundly again. Around December, she stopped hearing Mike walking around the hallway at the crack of the night.

Nancy has only now managed to not thrash awake from dreaming of hospitals. And that is because of another kind of fear living under her skin. Controlling the animal, when a full moon comes near, becomes so exhausting.

"I'm good".

"Oh". Robin shoots her a side look. "Okay".

"Are you?"

"We're - I mean I'm alright", Robin keeps blinking against the cold, burying her face deeper into her scarf. Nancy's heart suddenly pounds, in longing. "Difficult dreams".

"Yeah".

"You, huh.. Never mind".

Nancy is still looking at her mindlessly nuzzling in her scarf. The fluffy fabric looks soft; smells like paper, plastic, dust and warmth found in winter. Not quite like a bookstore, not quite like home. She suddenly remembers; Robin works in Family Video with Steve. Robin is surrounded by movies, and what flows with that in winter. Hot cups of tea, a stool pulled close to a heater, head tilted up for blue eyes to find the tv above the counter, the purple scarf falling loose around the base of her neck.

Nancy blinks, looks at the thin snowflakes falling between the two buildings. Robin is quiet next to her, shuffling the soles of her boots on the step below them.

Covered now, Nancy can't trace her gaze down the girl's neck.

She has to go.

"I'll, huh - Thanks for this".

"Oh..." - the purple scarf falls when Robin looks up. Nancy keeps from looking at her lips, her jaw locking tight, her whole body lazily standing up as if it does not want to - "...sure thing".

"See you around, Buckley", she quietly offers back before forcing herself inside the school.

"Yeah. See you around, Nancy".

Blue eyes follow her the whole way, until the doors close behind Nancy. She looks at the clock above the door, looks at the empty halls. Forces herself to the locker and grabbing her bag from inside, crossing the buildings to the parking lot, the car. The wolf whines in Nancy's chest, fever has started rising and burning the human down for the animal to burst free.

Nancy barely keeps from shifting into the car when she parks by the woods behind Steve's house. Jonathan in California, Mike already in class. There's no Demogorgon in the woods, but as Nancy lets out an overwhelmed noise that shifts from yell to howl, she thinks that it doesn't hurt to hunt for it anyway.

She thinks of the monster in the walls, of Robin's difficult nights, Steve's bruised face. Thinks of bloodshot blue eyes, of the girl tiredly nuzzling in the fabric of her scarf, breathing quietly.

The wolf runs on the fresh snow and bathes in the last, golden rays of sunlight. There is no moon in the sky, but the werewolf howls for the longing anyway. Longing to nuzzle in purple and a comforting scent.

[spongeofaces]

HII HELLO!!1!! if youre still doing matchups, i'd love to request a romantic one!

my name is Milo and I'm 19 years old, I really love getting into media n looking up everything there is to know about it. like a while back i watched every single Alvin and the Chipmunks movie/tv special, and another time i had the same thing happen with the Frankenstein book & movies. when one of my friends takes up a new interest i also love hearing every single thing about it. some of my other hobbies include drawing, playing simple games n making nonserious music.

im either infp or isfp, im.not entirely sure yet which, im very socially anxious and though i love meeting new people, talking takes a lot of energy out of me and an evening of hanging out with a new group of people can result in me being psysically ill the next day. i have a really hard time balancing my responsibilities so i often end up tired/dissatisfied at the end of the day. i also have trouble remembering things.

though im not very confident in my abilities, ive been told im a pretty comforting person to be around n talk to! my friends also tend to be really affectionate with me and it makes me feel a bit like a creature sometimes but its sweet so who cares :o]

im pale skinned, i got ginger hair that i dyed blue once (its almost completely grown out so rn i just have blue tips) and my face, arms, legs everything is covered in freckles. i wear a lot of baggy clothes because i dont feel confident in my body and becauuse theyre cozy! i hope this is all coherent and not too much to read through ! havea nice dayy

Dude, I struggled cause honestly I could pair you with almost everyone 😅

---

I match Milo with...

🏹 Rook Hunt 🏹

-:-:-:-

A love story for the ages, the pièce de r��sistance of all romances. Rook's own words, of course.

He adores you. Completely and utterly. He'll take the time to learn each and every little detail he can, trying to piece you together like a puzzle. Rook wants to know everything about you, his beloved.

Compliments, compliments, and more compliments. And he means every word of it. The boy is enamored with the way you walk, talk, dress, quite literally everything. Give him a smile and he might just collapse.

Movie nights! Snuggle up under a blanket together, and binge through whatever the two of you decide on. If you end up falling asleep, Rook will stay by your side, gently running his fingers through your hair, until he too, finds rest.

He can tell when you need a break, and will usher you off whatever you are working on to spend some time together. Maybe he'll plan a date, or just drag you off to wherever you feel like.

He would quite literally declare his affection to the world if he could.

Gift-giving is to be expected. If you don't end up with some new trinket at the end of each week, I'd be shocked.

I'd also be surprised if he doesn't spout poetry at you at some point. Don't mind it, he's just like that.

Once he learns the activities you enjoy, he'll thoroughly familiarize himself with them, in the hopes of making your time together more enjoyable for you.

Other options: Trey and Idia.

[solardick]

Theres snow outside! What?! No way?!

Yes way.

Uh, not the best. Starts good with fear. But overall message works. It moves on to Dax

And the news about ukraine and the pope. Mr. francis. Asking ukraine, to put up a white flag. At roughly the same time my preliminary attention began focusing on Russia. Ukraine themselves said “no.” No peace talks with russia. While asking every other nation they can to aid them. It seems on surface level. That they are unwilling to sacrifice what little land they have already lost.

This all seems very familiar to the last few years. Save knowing it started long before the war. It serves as a supportive influence of the fortification of the will.

Thinknim dying. Lung hurts. Still. Its been months. Sorry i didn’t listen god but they wouldnt leave me alone always sabotaging me. Im not going theought hat treatment. For a slim chance at survival. Why? Ehats tje point of oiving ajyway. Ti be fucked with some more? Except for that weeks vacation time i took. My lung didn’t feel a thing. Until i went back to work. I gotta quit. Go back to being jobless again. Whochbis syicide anyway. I miss women. The only guidance ove wver got was from you. People suck. No one has ever told me anything upfront. 40 years of nothing. And the very few times they have. It’s been indirecr as of speaking of another person. I hate been alive.

Make ne guess at these stupid cards when there’s already a complete set out there. Holding the answer being language. And too bar the Devs of tblr are lgtbqueer mental disorder enthuthiasts. Ruinign abgreat platform.

Tv commercials are judge beauty, played by judge judy. Justice. Wc donalds. Get it? The wheel and the moon. The horrible tarot version of bs and death and then it goes to a cancer charity. Hahahah. Oh god. Blow up the world pls. Pardon me while i get assinated. Slow and painfully by my own government.

And i was having the first dream in… i cant remember when. I was living with my only x. And one day. She was gone and while i was in my appartment. I found she “moved” in. As she had put her stuff in my place. But, it was out of a horror flick. And i had a spychotic break from reality because of all the unexpected foreign horror crap. Like a dolls head as a ceiling light. That was talking to me. And furniture out of place. Hard to describe. But then she comes back. And theres still this distance. And i told her what haopened. She didnt really care. So i startted brushed my own cheek with my thumb. An dit felt really good cause she wouldn’t comfort me. And i felt at peace for a minute and then my alarm goes off and i wake.

And then i receive a message from tmblr. It was another lgtbfuck solidarity message. Ugh. While my lung hurts. And having proctisis like symptoms. Only severe on the weekends. Apparently. Except the lung. Only at work. So. Da fuck. Still being raped. Nearly 40 straight years. So when my lung isnt hurting i have a constant desire to take a shit. To the point its almost painful. While the news about the war is full of bs. Russia saying we cant rule out world war. If foreign bodies cant mind their own bussiness by helping ukraine. And allied forces saying we cant rule out sending troops to help ukraine. I hate life. Whole ukraine says. We aint listening to the pope. We ain’t having peace talks with russia. While a large oercentage of americans, canadians specificaaly. With the whole gay movement is agaisnt the church. Because they are the source of all wars. And they fondle little boys and dont supprt people sucking each other off for satisfaction of desires. No shit.

But now im working with a moroccan. Who practice yabadon or whatever. Where they practice resistance agaisnt bodily desires by starving themselves periodically through out the year. This kid knows atleast three languages.and so optimistic. So thats an upside i guess. Doesnt help mych if im already dying. And get bombarded with this other bs. Consistently. At every step and turn of my life. But ehy they decide to move to the americas when they arew the anti-thesis to all their beleifs. Starves yourselves what?! Fuck their dumb. Why do they do that to themselves. Man, every fucken american says the same exact thing about them. Go suck yourswlf offf eoth. Banana flavours condoms. And your extra large mc donalds servings. But atleast i have something positive to absorb to counter the consistioning of free peace and butt love and succubing to desires over the rational. Unlike what is olagues this fucken country. I camt believe they have the wntire land brainwashed into believing this shit is true. So while he’s doing that. Im going to fallow suit. Absorb his motovation. And quit smoking. Not starve myself. Because. That would be senseless and none required at this point in time. Though they arent as productive as the americans are. Because they are starving themselves. But its all in good conscience. Something. That isnt very well supporting here. And we’ll see if my ling problem goes away. And if it doesnt. It does t really matter. I’ll die. Not going through that without any love. Suicide it is. Ive been beaten enough by my own family and the last several years of this fake reality and this community of assholes.

Wow, that was much. Im afraid to read it.

Anyway. I think i need to go to the hospital. My lung is fucked. Theres something wrong with it. Its dying. Im so stupid. Its unbelievable. Can’t help it. I have a death wish. And now i think. That maybe…. Maybe my life instinct reaction. Whatever. Comes in. At the end. When its too late.

Life accomplishments….. i invented a couple tarot cards. Not much to look back on. Tried my best to avoid it all. But people wouldn’t let me. What it is, is a question to ask. The existential question of life. Knowing i was murdered. Slowly. But its ok. Cause theres is no point whne one looks back to the beginning. Not one point. Nothing good. I never stood a chance. From the get go. There’s no longevity that isnt negative. The positives are fleeting. They killed me. My family and then all them else. Needed some peace. Never got it. Hit after hit. Year after year.

[audible--silence]

Words

When people say to me “what about your future?” I tell them thats exactly who im doing all this for

“All of the best things in my life have occurred when things in my life didn’t go to plan”

“Only thing that changed in eight years is haircuts and excuses”

I want everyone to ask and care but i dont want to talk about it either

Failed with flying colors

Home feels like lame familiarity

“You’ve gotta be my stability!”

“I cant cos im on a BAR STOOL”

The years are passing me by faster than I care to admit.

Turns out making good use of your 20s doesn’t do an awful lot to slow them down.

I’m living a life I thought I wanted and still I feel a divide between what I thought I wanted and how I thought I would feel. Maybe this isn’t all that I hoped it would be. Maybe im not alive enough to make it feel good enough. Maybe just prioritizing fun isnt gonna cut it. But definitely prioritizing stability wont.

Maybe we just don’t have enough years on this earth and space in our brains to feel like we can really live anything to completion.

All I know right now is that on this warm, still summers evening, with a beautiful light in the sky, on a night I should be thoroughly captivated by, i feel unamused and alone.

I’ve seen this before.

I’m stuck with myself in a place i know all too well and not a great many people left to meet

“I have one foot in the door and the other going in a direction i dont quite know yet”

“If you can read this, i hope you have health insurance”

Never have i ever been in a rush to go to sñeep before

19 year old w 5 years practice

I dont believe in being nice i believe in being kind

“Well, money where your mouth is? I liked you.”

“Yeah but I’ve changed since i said that”

Well where too from here

Still tiptoeing around and dancing away

Trying to see where we stand in each other’s lives

Am i all wrong?

Did i read too far into all the songs in the playlist?

Or all the stories we told each other?

All the memories we shared?

And all the fun we made.

How about all the time we spent on each other or all the thoughts spent?

All the dreams made and all the hopes held.

All that you said that i read into, cannot be a mistake. You’re too clever for that. Did you want me to say it? Were you waiting for it? Did you want it? You sure werent surprised by it.

God i hope i didnt ruin it.

Maybe youre right

Maybe finding your person is long term task

Maybe all those journal entries, nights drinking together and nights thinking of you were to hit a realization.

Maybe the realization is that i need therapy

Maybe its that we’re not compatible

Maybe we need more time.

Either way, i know im here for it

Way too much love for the woman who raosed me and her never ending kindness and innocence despite the shit she’s had to deal with. Somehow coupled with a complete lack pf jealousy.

Im quite sick of the world

Im not very fond of myself in it either

I think every minute of every day what am i doing here? Why am i here?

I dont feel comfortable in myself

I dont feel confident in myself

I dont like the state of the world when i observe it

I feel powerless to change it

I feel like a fool for never having tried

I tell myself all the things my dear sweet friends would tell me in this situation

I know that im giving myself too much grace

Im not a dipshit

But i made myself into one

And ill die that way. Whenever I get too sick of it

What a damn shame it is to know a good moments passed you.

To have only the half remembered memories because you didn’t realize at the time that this would be a moment you’d want to think about forever.

I’ve left little pieces of my heart across the globe. From Oaxaca to West Aus to New York to Ningaloo, traces of my soul can be found sprinkled in pockets around taco stands, strangers vans and gorgeous country under shining stars.

I can never get them back.

Nor do I want them.

But I fear ill never approach life in one place with the same zest and enthusiasm as I used to.

A wise man once said it’s important to know when you’re living in a moment you’ll want to remember. I think it’s important to know when you’re shaving a piece of your heart and leaving it somewhere with someone as well

I don’t tend to think of it as “learning about myself” anymore. I think after a few seasons worth of reinventing myself, it feels a little bit more like reinventing the next iteration of myself. A both tiring and exciting endeavor indeed.

“Do you miss NY”

“Mmmmm sometimes “

What a fkn lie. Every day, most hours, in truth

I dont feel like myself

The aussie accent

The blokey chat

The blending in

None of its me, really.

I need stress to stay awake despite wht its doing to me

Do i want to look at the city on my drive in and think “hell yeah” or”ahhhhhh fuck”

Either is an investment of time n energy and i have to pick

You can observe in many colonized countries today what i see in myself.

When you take away peoples connection to identity, language, customs and place, they will frequently stumble around somewhat aimlessly with a penchant for extra curriculars

“Its only racist if im not funny”

“Theres something to be said about a life well fucked around “

[cielospeaks]

b8 thoughts

honestly b8 is by far the least ive liked a book plot at its opening. like 7 had cool music and an interesting time loop premise, 6 had awesome elm theme (that is elms theme you cowards) and elm himself ofc, 5 was kinda meh (first impression-wise, i do like otr and faf quite a bit) but it had a cool pipe organ, 4 was an absolute breath of fresh air after the travesty that was 3, and at least 3 seemed to promise a "the gacha characters kill you" premise and before then the main cast werent the despicable unlikeable shitheads they are today.

b8, on the other hand, has a somewhat interesting premise and nice designs for hresvelgr and niddhoggr, but it also opens up so many plotholes. if the yggdrassil group really is like a group of valkyrie esque battle medics, where were they when people were being burned alive in b2? where were they when frejya was trapping people in eternal sleep in b4? or eitri experimenting on people, letizia torturing people, the whole golden curse last book, heck you could even argue for gustafs death in b3. the game never lets the main cast be morally accountable for bad stuff they do, ranging from stalking, possessiveness and controlling/gaslighting, to murder, covering up the suffering of innocents, torture, etc. and even with just the explicitly stated stuff its still her betraying her family for an arrogant, posturing, show off jerk who makes insensitive comments abt any culture he isnt familiar with. like at least w reginn i got the feeling that she did what she did bc she is naieve and inexperienced. and with the "uwu anxiety cute" beats of the new character i just feel like theyre going for "the main lord is her comfort character uwu" which just rubs me the wrong way. for one in universe theyre all real horrible people, and for two i just think its a bit demeaning for actual people.

on top of that, while not bad the music i dont find personally quite as striking as b6 and 7 (or even 4), and although i do like hresvelgr and nidhoggr, theyre not like uh.... plumie, njorthr or elm tier of getting my attention and investment. (and also the banners have both been terribly disappointing so far. another kid banner from 13 and a 5 banner with no real faves, could be a lot better)

but while this might sound complaining, which it is, i think it might actually be a good thing. if i go in with no expectation, any decent surprise could be a good one. i also dont risk getting invested, wanting a better plot than is canon (i think the worst offenders were askr getting away with all the awful manipulation he did, just the entire frejya plot of b4, the jotnar sisters and reginn just disowning her brothers in b5 and just whatever tf eitri was, the sadboi motivation of the antagonist of b7 most recently, and thats not even counting temptri), or getting upset if a character isnt playable. (that being said ill be slightly miffed if we dont get a cute hresvelgr and/or nidhoggr for new years, or just their defaults in general, they have good designs)

also also it means i can focus on the better yggdrassil story, my detective-esque fanfiction about a compulsive liar actor and a bunch of cool and cute original characters

[igreu-simmons]

im so f**king tired of everything

the self help shit on social media is bullshit if you cant even utilize that stuff in your day to day life. Im so done with staying at home and doing absolutely nothing. I'm use to making new friends every year but the friends that I made last year were truly bad for me so I cut them off but now I am alone. I havent spoken to anyone in so long and I am literally losing it. Even writing a post like this feels like shouting in silence but atleast I get to publicly yell about it (stepping outside of my door and trying to yell will just get people to make weird looks at me).

My friend said one of the worst things you can do is introducing your friend group to a different friend group. I don't know how legitimately the friend who told me this was since I only met him online. I dont know if I am currently living in a day and age where making online friends should be normal but to me it is not. Anyways i heard him out cause he seemed like he was speaking with experience and expertise regarding this topic and he said that.... well honestly I dont remember what he said. I dont think he elaborated anymore on that but my imagination and overthinking skills kicked in to try to figure out why mixing friend groups would be so shit.

So, I looked at my specific circumstances. One friend group was this group of friends I met online during the covid online schooling year. Some of the guys I met from one of my classes introduced me to their old neighborhood friends a few months after and I started talking more and more to them. With the online

Explaining all of that was important because that is why I am alone today. Does a part of this state of being "alone" come with loneliness, yes, but I would like to thing that this is something that I am familiar with and something I just havent seen in a while. What the problem is is that I am feeling the most experimental and rebellious right now and I can't do anything about it. Yes I have been known to be kinda extroverted and loud, possibly even confident online when talking to random people, but whether that was a product of the lack of consequences of my actions and possibly tying the words I was saying to me as a person, its very possible and possibly true. I want to run and I want to fall. I want to do the things that I feel like I have been training my whole life to do and have mentally trained myself for to "slay". I dont even care if I have a childhood or teenagehood, me running will always be my teenagehood.

But again, I feel trapped. At this point its a waiting game where I just have to sit and suffer. Then, you might be asking, what is the point of sitting down and writing your complaints if they are going to go away soon? Its the fact that I have to sit and suffer through the wait in the first place. I have waited for many things in my life. Results to exams which I had studied for, results to exams which I hadn't studied for, the consequences to my mistakes whether it could've been fixed by eraser or by having better friends that I didnt feel peer pressured by. I have waited for so many things that were to be revealed in the next following hours or things that were in the distance future. But right now is the first time that I had felt like I was wasting my own time. My own time anxiety was compounded with the fact that my suffering was not just me learning to experience a different emotion for the sake of getting out of my comfort zone. My suffering was the bad choice that was presented to me when the good choice was also there right along. It was this summer when I started to feel like my life was truly in the my own hands and I could make something of it myself, and yet I was still stuck at home.

This could be a blessing. As much as I love being organized, maybe I was not to be trusted. Instead allowing myself to learn like how I wanted to, learning about life would cause there to be irreversable problems to my perfect suburban life. Really I had many things that the other kids had but I just wanted to do something on my own.

I would like to say that all of this is just in my head but in the same way that I feel the need to be shouting this in an online post and making a mark in physical space, this has been taking a physical toll on my body. I havent been able to eat properly and some days sleep properly in the past few days and plates of dinner I had tried to convince myself I would finish are laying in the room next to mine because they have officially started to smell. When your brain can't find a way to directly fight the thing it hates, it compensates by ruining something else that was doing fine in your life. I wish I could say that I am going to try to eat better by whats the point of fixing something if nothing is gonna change anyways?

**

this post is incomplete and shares the surface level of the thoughts that linger through my mind during this year's summer months. I will be doing my best to finish the thoughts that I have started in the near future

<igreu3

[scum-lord]

Alright I'm finally doing this. I joined this app a few months ago with the hopes of finding a community or an rp parter/s to engage some time into. Though eager, I found myself intimidated by this platform bright and colorful settings and people. In turn I walked away from it, to afraid to even dip my toes. After a little and I mean a very little bit of "familiarizing" myself with the platform I decided the best way to go about this was to throw myself head first.

I am an 18 year old female that enjoys a vast amount of different kinds of rp and experiences. My main platform I used for rp was Amino, when it was in its prime. My accout was removed about a year and change ago for reasons still unknown to me. I have not been able to find any ways to formally interact or engage with others who share a similar rp interest as myself. I'm here to turn a new page in my narrative and put myself out there.

I am a litterate rp person (idk if there's a proper term or not) I enjoy writing long paragraphs, developing story, worldbuilding and relationships I am not the most experienced, I've done rp related mumbojumbo for 4+ years but am typically slow on the new aspects that pop up with rp topics. I want to learn to experience and have fun. Rps I am most fond of are romance, fantasy, medieval, westerns, midcentury, modern, even a little scifi from here and there. I am always open to something new and love to be pushed outside my comfort zone. I had many character that are lost now that I no longer have access to Amino. I live to make characters and can and will make new oc to fit new stories and plots.

I'm really looking forward to connecting and learning about tumber and how best to navigate it. Dont ever feel shy to ask me for an rp regardless of literacy or topic.