#but its also sort of the only consistent thing I've had going for me for my whole life so uh. yeah

[miabebe]

Camp Seventeen Chapter 5 Teaser

Hello my lovelies! Yes I've been gone for a while and by a while I mean a really long time and I truly apologise that life has been so busy butttt as I promised, I'm not abandoning this blog or these stories so here we goooo

I know I left Chapter 4 with a huge cliffhanger months ago, so I hope this teaser can help ease your minds a little! Lots more happening in the chapter to come sooooon

I will also get to all the asks and comments soon, be patient with me my loves <3

You hugged your knees as your eyes drifted towards the figure walking along the edge of the waters. 

It had been over an hour since Seungcheol began strolling by the lake, lost in his thoughts. It had also been just about the same time since you sat on the damp soil, watching him. Mentally, you were navigating your own maze of thoughts too, but your eyes couldn’t seem to leave him. Even from this far you could tell his expression was pained - he was hurting.

And so were you. 

You couldn’t think of a more cruel joke the universe could possibly play on you… actually you could - if the Scrolls of Sacrifice expected the two of you to literally kill each other. Thank god Jeonghan noticed your vacant expression staring at the paper and clarified it. 

“To sacrifice means to give up. You have to let go of whatever is written on that paper…. for eternity.” 

For eternity. 

You hadn’t even had the chance to dream of that with Seungcheol. The two of you had only just sorted out all the confusion and found yourselves on the same page… till another piece of paper from Olympus had ripped right through it. 

Letting out an audible breath, you finally tore your eyes from him and fixed it on the sun setting far away, making its way home into the waters. You suppose no matter how bright a day is, it always ends with a night - maybe darkness in your life too was inevitable. Only difference was tomorrow the sun would rise again but no amount of time could change what was fated for you and Seungcheol. 

It’s the snap of the twig that pulled you out of your spiraling thoughts.

You knew it wasn’t because of Seokmin who had stationed himself more than a few metres from you - you supposed after your extended lingering underwater a few days back, he had his guard up. The sound came from behind you but when you looked over your shoulder, there was no one. 

Wonwoo. 

“I can never truly be alone anywhere, can I?” Groaning, you turned back towards the water. “For fuck’s sake, you don’t always have to be around. I can survive on my own.” 

But you didn’t want to, did you? 

Clearly, you were lashing out - there was nothing remotely warm about your tone but how could there be when time and again, life insisted on submerging you in cold, cold waters. Still, it wasn’t Wonwoo’s fault - he didn’t deserve the hostility. 

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled. “My head’s not in the right place…. it hasn’t been for a while.” Not with still not knowing why Hestia abandoned you, how the Chimaera is your father, your strange abilities with fire, the confusing dynamics of the camp… everything was a mess. “I need to fix things but I don’t know how.” 

That was not true. You knew how. You knew exactly how, but you also knew that meant you would hurt a lot more than you are now. 

When you landed your gaze on Seungcheol again, he had finally stopped pacing around, his eyes fixed on you. Behind him, to no one’s surprise, you could see Jeonghan walking away, but not before his eyes flickered between the two of you. Earlier, Seungcheol looked lost, but now, it seemed like he had some clarity. Gesturing you to follow, he began walking away.

“Wonwoo.” You straightened yourself out, getting up on your feet. “Can you come pick me up from the Forest of Nyx? I’m going to need a ride back to camp.” 

The drive to the forest was silent, except for the consistent lightning and thunder that followed the car. And the pouring rain. 

You knew the two of you had a lot to say to each other but it had to be away from the watchful eye of Zeus - even without seeing much, He had seen enough. It was only when you entered the forest, driving past the burnt tree that everything drowned out - the noise, the silence, the pretense. Only the rawest and most honest version of the two of you was left. Turning the engine off, Seungcheol let out a deep breath, words not leaving him. You couldn’t even see the expression on his face with the way darkness was submerging everything, not until a strange illumination was gently cast on his face.

Turning your head you glanced out of the window, eyes falling on the thousands of tiny golden lights rising from the bushes…. fireflies. 

Mesmerised, you opened the door and stepped out, eyes wandering over the way the dark forest had come alive with the light. You didn’t hear Seungcheol follow your actions, not until he walked up to you, holding his hand out in a fist. When you frowned at it confused, he unraveled it to reveal a small bug in the middle of his palm. It looked like it was…dying. The light in it flickered as it hovered unsteadily, like it was on the last leg of its existence.

Seungcheol looked at it pitably as slowly you held your hand out beside his and using the last of its energy it jumped into your palm, the light almost fully giving out. You had almost mourned the loss of miniscule creature you barely even knew but somehow, to your surprise, the moment it touched your skin, it shone brighter than ever. It was like the light had been poured back into it, making it glow once again but this time with a colour much different from those around it - a deep, dark orange. 

That was…. Your fire. 

Your eyes followed it as it flew away, blending into the sea of floating lights, as Seungcheol watched you. There was a slight dampness in your eyes he couldn’t quite fathom and as much as he wanted to ask, there was something other than the fireflies that was lingering in the space between the two of you that he had to address. 

“Y/n, I think-”

“You should take Zeus’s deal.” 

Seungcheol blinked at you expressionlessly as you turned to him. 

“What did you say?”

“I think you should do it.” You gulped, hoping he wouldn’t hear the way your voice shook. “You deserve the Mark of Zeus Cheol, you’ve been wanting it for so long-”

“I have and I do want it but I want you too.” He held your hand, gripping it tight like he was scared of it slipping away. “I want to choose you too Y/n-”

“Choosing the Mark would mean choosing me too.” You pulled your hand away from him slowly. “Being Zeus’s heir is good for everyone, Cheol. We will undeniably win the quest and we can all go back to normalcy. I can go back to a normal life and so can you, don’t you want that?” 

“But if I sacrifice you for the Mark, there is no version of normal where you and I can ever be together.” Seungcheol sighed, his voice going soft. “Once I make a deal with the Oracle of Delphi, I’m tied to it for life - even if I become the Ruler of the Heavens. A binding like that is…. for eternity.” 

Jeonghan’s words echoed in your ears…. for eternity. 

“There is one way though.” If you didn’t know Seungcheol better, you wouldn't have been able to tell that this wasn’t his most confident self. “It was Jeonghan’s idea really but.... I could turn down the scroll tomorrow and Jeonghan can take over as leader of the camp. He will get the Mark of Athena somehow, he swore to. Then when the camp is free and he becomes one of the Gods of Olympus, through him, we can get Hestia to answer whatever you want-”

“And you really believe that’s possible?” 

As much as Jeonghan maddened you in a hundred and one aspects, you couldn’t help but admire how that man would do anything and everything for his friend. But you knew this was not what Seungcheol truly wanted. 

“Do you know how many ‘ifs’ this is based on Cheol? What if Jeonghan doesn’t get the Mark?-”

“If he said he, I will I trust him to-”

“What if he doesn’t end up being a leader as good as you?-”

“I will still be his second in command, the camp will always have me-”

“What if he can’t convince other camps that he is good enough and they don’t become our allies-”

“I will make sure it happens Y/n-”

“What if the team doesn’t win the Quest?-”

“I will make us win goddammit!” He slammed his hand on the car with a resounding bang, finally losing his cool. “Do you think I would abandon the team in any way? I would give my life for the boys if it came down to it-”

“Exactly Cheol.” 

You sighed, taking his hand in yours, rubbing the red skin of his palm softly. 

Camp Seventeen meant everything to this man. All this while Seungcheol had been saying that he wanted both you and the boys, never that he would choose you over them. Because he couldn’t- he could never bring himself to put anyone above them and that didn’t madden you one bit. You liked that about him, a lot - you liked how dedicated he was to his people to the point where he was even willing to step down as Chief if it meant having it all but the truth was, Seungcheol was a natural leader. It would kill him on the inside to be someone on the sidelines and you didn’t think you could be the one to put him there. If you followed what he suggested you would never completely have him to yourself - a part of him would always be lost and the last thing you wanted to do was to put Seungcheol through that. You couldn’t be what breaks him like that. 

“The team needs you and you need the team - you need to be the leader and you need to get the Mark of Zeus, that is only right.” 

“At the cost of us?”

He wasn’t getting it. He was swept away by what the two of you had shared less than 24 hours ago and clearly, it was clouding his judgement. When that fog eventually cleared, he would surely regret all this and neither of you would be able to make peace with that.

“What even is ‘us’ Cheol?” You knew deep down he was hurting, but you were about to break his heart all over again. But it was important that you do it - this heartbreak would save him a lifetime of pain and regret. “Yes we’re attracted to one another and we like each other, sure, but this…. This isn’t love.” 

Seungcheol’s voice faltered like it was stuck in his throat. “You don’t think this is….” 

“We’ve barely known each other for a few weeks, how can this be love?” 

This time, it was him who pulled his hand away from you. 

“Cheol, you’re… you’re not in love, are you? Because I…. I’m not.” 

The silence that followed was perhaps exactly what heartbreak sounded like. But this was the only way Seungcheol would be guilt free when he chooses the Mark over you - if he felt like you abandoned him instead of him leaving you. 

“Why would you pick me over the Mark when I cannot even guarantee there is an ‘us’ in the future?” You scratched the back of your neck, trying to be discreet about it - thank god Seungcheol didn't know that was your tell when you lied. “And in all this, did you even consider what I want? I want to speak to Hestia Cheol, to my mother - contacting her is the only thing I’ve been trying to do since the moment I came to camp. Did you even think how important this was for me? Or was it only just about you?”

You expected Seungcheol to be mad at you for labelling him as someone that selfish. You needed him to be mad at you for this to work, you needed him to hate you enough to let you go. 

Instead Seungcheol’s expression softened and he shook his head slowly. 

“I’m so sorry Y/n.” Regardless of all your efforts, he still looked at you guilt stricken. “I knew you wanted to speak to her but I didn’t think you longed for it this much.” 

“That’s because we like each other Cheol but we don’t know each other. Then how can we be confident about a lifetime together and give up all that's at stake?”

Seungcheol was silent for a minute that felt far too long.

“You’re right. The possibility of us cannot and should not be greater than your need for your mother.” He nodded, taking a step back. “I’m sorry I didn’t know the gravity of it Y/n - I would sacrifice myself a hundred times over if it meant that you got to meet your mother even once.” 

And there it was. Seungcheol would let this go for your happiness and you would do the same for him and even if the two of you were not in love with each other yet, what was this if not the beginning of it? 

Just a little overwhelmed you turned to him and slid your arms around his waist, burying your face in his shoulder. Almost immediately, Seungcheol wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight. 

“I’m sorry if anything I said was hurtful Cheol, I was just trying to-”

“Don’t apologise, you were right-” He gently stroked your back like he was trying to comfort you. “-about almost everything.... You said what we shared wasn’t love and yeah, maybe it isn’t the kind that fights against all odds to stay together, but….. I do think it is the kind of love there is in letting go.” 

You pulled back, looking into his eyes, finding them just as slightly damp as yours were. There indeed was love in letting go. 

“Hey.” He chuckled softly, cradling your face with his hand. “There's nothing to worry about. I’m going to be the best leader Olympus has ever seen and you’re going to…have the best talk of your life with your mum.” 

You laughed. “Yours sounds a lot cooler than mine.” 

“Maybe it is, but I hope you get the answers you’re seeking from her Y/n. You deserve to have a free and the best possible version of your life you can build.” 

Nodding gratefully, you leaned in, kissing Seungcheol softly as he melted into it. 

“I’m going to miss that.” He whispered against your mouth. “Maybe when I become king I will overthrow the Oracle of Delphi one day just to do this again.” 

You laughed, pressing your forehead against his. “Aren’t you an ambitious one?” 

Seungcheol smiled back and somehow, he looked happier than you had ever seen him and you knew why. Because he had the biggest heart and knowing he could finally help both his team and you was good enough for him. You were the world’s unluckiest fool to let him go….but you had to. 

Pulling away, you looked behind you at the entrance of the forest, mumbling under your breath. 

“Wonwoo isn’t here yet.” 

“Wonwoo?”

“Yeah I…. I didn’t know how things were going to go between us so I asked him to come pick me up.” 

“Wonwoo doesn’t leave the camp at night though.” Seungcheol stuffed his hands in his pockets. “It's defenceless without him.”

Oh. 

“It's okay, I can give you a ride back home. It’s my duty as leader to ensure you’re safe.” 

You smiled, half rolling your eyes. “I know, I just…” You looked around the fireflies still lighting up the forest with a soft glow. “Tomorrow feels ages away - I don’t think I can sleep tonight.”

Seungcheol looked far off lost in thought before his face shone bright like he had an idea. “Give me five minutes.”  

You frowned, watching him as he opened the doors of the backseat of his car and began hurriedly working with something inside. True to his words, in five minutes, he had pushed the seats down flat, brought out comfortable looking throws and pillows and made a cozy little space at the back. As you clambered in from the door of the boot, tiny fireflies followed you into the space and Seungcheol got in too, with a bunch of snacks in his hands.

“Okay.” He clapped his hands. “What do you want to do to pass the time? I have books if you want to read or we could just listen to music? Oh or we could watch a movie?” He began looking around for something. “I have a projector and a screen, I just need to find the remote, one second-” 

“Cheol.” 

He turned to you.

You didn’t know if it was the unnecessary romantic setting of the fireflies and the cozy set up of the car or the fact that you felt closer to him now than ever, but the words just left your mouth. 

“Sleep with me. One last time.” 

[sweetflanfiction]

Asymetrical Symphony - Part 14

Universe: Arcane (LOL)

Pairing: Viktor x reader

Summary: You had been on the rooftop with Jayce and the Herald and somehow you were sent to a place where things can be different with your help

Disclaimers and Warnings: If you want me to tag you on the chapters let me know! Also leave a comment with your thoughts :D Not finished, not proofread. English isn't my 1st language. All I know about LOL is from google and all I know about Arcane is taken from the show, so inacuracies will be plenty. I have a sort of idea on how to I'm gonna go with magic and runes, so bear with me. The reader will be written as GN (going by they/them) to get everyone involved, but if you see any discrepancies let me know.

A.N: I've made some cute headers for the thing!!! What do you guys think??

Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 • Part 5 • Part 6 • Part 7 • Part 8 • Part 9 • Part 10 • Part 11 • Part 12 • Part 13

• ··········· • ············ •

The respite that was felt after the council decision was welcome, but at the same time it felt very tenuous. Because of your knowledge, it always felt like things were always about to go downhill. It didn’t make you paranoid per se, but it consistently felt like there was a hitch that needed to be scratched somewhere.

The sun was already high when you made your way to the Academy. You had scheduled an appointment to supposedly check on your mother's commission. According to Jayce, everyone who entered that lab after the council decided to supervise it had to be accounted for. 

You asked for the visitor pass at the reception, adjusting your shoulder bag and smiling at the man sitting there.

The morning had been good; your audition for the orchestra had gone amazing, and you were now headed to butt heads with your two favorite brainiacs after leaving your mother on a date with her loving partner.

Today was going to be good.

The door to the lab was ajar, but you knocked, the reflex to open it speaking a rune thwarted as you heard more than the two familiar voices inside. 

“Come in.” Jayce’s voice boomed, and you walked inside.

You tried to keep the good spirits when you noticed not just Salo but Ambessa and Rictus inside the room. 'Trying' being the key word.

You felt your face contort into turmoil as your eyes landed on the general’s bodyguard. His eyes turned back to you in a blank, nonchalant expression. In your head, the words ‘I know how you die’ kept replaying, like a broken lullaby.

The sound of glass shattering made your head snap to the windows of the lab. The skies had turned a deep, dark, grayish purple, the room darkening as well, and the window of the lab kept cracking. The sound of the glass grinding going up in volume. In the middle of the crack, a purple glowing rune appeared. Ragged and jagged and angry.

You tilted your head and kept staring at it. It was almost hypnotic, a weird tingling in your gloved hand. You wanted to use it, and you wanted to use it now.

It was a feeling unlike any other rune appearance. It was a pull to do it; you needed to do it.

You heard someone call your name in the distance, but the pull was too strong. Golden fingertips came into view as they grabbed your arm.

Without thinking, you twisted your arm around the hand and quickly moved it down to escape its grasp. Following the movement, you shoved a hand out to push it out, only to be snapped out of your headspace by the sound of a slap on a cold metal surface and another hand on your wrist.

Blinking, the space around you got back to normal. Rictus stared at you, one of his eyebrows raised, and you did the same, the mask of civility gone and a scowl now etched on your face.

“Rictus…let the heir to the Rainemoure house go…” Ambessa’s voice cut through the silence. Rictus' grip on your wrist slackened, and your arm fell to your side. 

Your gaze shifted to the other people in the room, everyone staring at you in confusion. 

“I…” you started, trying to move your face to a more neutral expression. “I apologize; I don’t like being touched.”

“Then maybe you should acknowledge when someone calls your name.” Salo said, and you nodded, slowly coming to your senses, putting the mask back on.

“I apologize. It’s been a long...morning. You looked at both scientists.

They were both wearing the same worried look. Jayce’s eyes kept shifting from Rictus to you and back, and you noticed he was slowly releasing the handle of a hammer. Viktor was staring at you, trying to decipher what it was that had happened, his cane standing mid-way through a step.

“I completely forgot that you had an appointment.” Jayce said, sneakily moving the hammer away from his hand, trying to divert attention.

“It’s alright. I’ll be at the cafeteria; I haven’t had lunch.” You quickly put your hands up, trying to get away from the lab.

“I’ll accompany you.”. Viktor blurted out.

“I’m sure they can make their way there by themselves. This takes priority.” Salo scoffed, looking you up and down.

“Councillor Salo is correct.” You smiled, mask fully back on. “I do apologize, General. I didn’t mean to surprise or harm your bodyguard.”

She fully turned to you and gave you a wolfish grin, tilting her head to the side.

“No need for apologies. He can take it.” Her eyes twitched as she tried to peek back behind the curtain.

Forcefully, but gracefully, you turned to Rictus.

“I am sorry.” You told him, trying with all your might to not grit your teeth, and he nodded. “Well, I’ll see you two in a bit.”

You waved as you walked out the door before making a dash to the elevator and just standing against a corner of the well-lit box, taking several deep breaths.

Aside from the sudden encounter, the feeling of that rune still lingered. It was like a hunger that would only be satisfied when you devoured it, and at the same time, it felt like a caress, stroking your soul, telling you everything would be fine when you spoke it. It was seared into your mind, and yet you didn’t want to speak it.

The elevator pinged, and you walked out directly to the cafeteria, where your objective lay. Or stood. 

The Academy’s Grand Piano was donated by the PSO. In your universe, it was a shiny black beast with ivory keys. In this universe, it was a matte grey delicate piece that was perfectly tucked into a corner of the cafeteria.

You walked to the small counter that separated the tables from the service area. A young man was behind it, leaning into the counter reading a book and scribbling something in a notebook. A student. Knocking gently on the counter with your knuckles, so as not to frighten him, you watched as even so he jumped a little. He looked up at you, sighing deeply in annoyance.

“Good day, what can I get you??” He marked the book and looked at you, trying to be courteous and failing.

Ordering something quick to snack on, you looked at the piano as the man started to prepare the food.

“Is the piano tuned?” You nodded towards the instrument.

“Yes.”

“Can anyone play it?” 

“Depends.” He placed the latte mug in front of you. “If a person were to just slam on the keys and call that ‘playing it,’ then no…”

“What if a person might just know a bit about it?”

“It’s all yours…”

Little did he know that in your timeline, that piano had been, in fact, yours. Your father donated it to the orchestra, and the orchestra donated it to the Academy. 

You grabbed the mug and the small dish with your sandwich and walked to the piano.

“Do you have any requests?” You asked the kid behind the counter, and he shrugged.

“Something that doesn’t sound like a cat screeching.”

“I can do that.”

You sat at the piano, placing your food on a small table nearby. The audition this morning made you remember how much you enjoyed playing.

It reignited something in you. Playing at home, with your mother and Wyllah listening, was nice, but sitting on a stage, with the spotlight on you and people who had never heard you play sitting there, was another experience.

It soothed you, removing any trace of anger or worry the last few minutes had caused you.

Vivaldi - Winter (The Four Seasons)

Placing your fingers on the keys, they moved on their own. Touching the ivory keys in sync with the music in your head. Much like the runes, this was something that, after learning to do, you did without thinking about it. Your brain played the song, and your fingers moved on the piano or any other instrument you had learned to play. 

And much like the runes, as you added a note to the melody, it became enriched and more intricate. Your hands flew over the black and white keys like muscle memory.

As you kept playing, you looked at the kid behind the bar who had fully stopped what he was doing and looked at you. In a second his impressed expression changed to a blank one, but you saw his little grin as he shrugged.

There was a small crowd of students that had followed the sound and sat on the tables looking at you. Some were eating while others were trying to study.

“Sorry…” You looked at a girl who was looking at you, a book opened in front of her. She smiled and shook her head.

“It’s nice.” She answered. “Please keep going.”

You straightened your back and kept playing. Sometimes you’d play something more upbeat and then go back to something calmer. You’d banter with the young bartender while you played. 

Debussy - Clair de lune

After a few songs, you looked up to see both scientists standing under the arch of the cafeteria entrance looking impressed. Viktor walked towards the piano, followed closely by Jayce.

“I just might start coming to the cafeteria more often…” Viktor announced, leaning into his cane when he got near you.

“You should; the service is quite exceptional…” You said it loud enough that the student behind the bar could hear it.

“Flattery will get you everywhere!” He said, not taking his eyes off his notes.

Jayce grabbed two chairs on his way over and mentioned one to Viktor while sitting on the other. His face had a little concern painted on it.

“What happened up there?” He immediately zeroed in on you, and you sighed.

“Talking about beating around the bush.” You gave Viktor a look, and he shrugged.

“The rage you had in your face when you looked between Rictus and Ambessa…it was murderous.” Jayce whispered. “And then you punched him in the chest.”

“It was a slap at best.” Viktor corrected, placing the cane between his knees, Jayce shooting him a dirty look.

“Listen…” He took a deep breath. “I understand things are... weird for you. Different places, different customs. But that can’t happen, not while Hextech is hanging on the line.”

“It’s not just that…” You sighed and got closer to the edge of the bench. “There was a rune in your lab…”

They exchanged a look, and both got closer, leaning into their knees. The sight of the three of you huddled together must have been something.

“It was different…Like…” You played a few high notes on the piano and then slammed a hand on the low notes. “This…”

Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing to look at you, the sudden sound catching their attention.

“I don’t know what it was, but..." You tried to explain, "Normally they appear when I need them, and I wouldn’t feel the pressure of using them… but this... this one demanded to be used, like it needed it. Like I needed it.”

“Did it hurt you?” Viktor asked, his eyes roaming your arms and face.

“No. If anything, I hurt it by not speaking it into reality.” 

“It was time that we found a bad word in the language…” Viktor’s jaw clenched, and after a second he got up. “I’m going to need sugar to study this fully…”

You snorted, and Jayce rolled his eyes as Viktor walked towards the cafeteria counter. You followed his rhythmic strolling, smiling as he looked at all the pastries on display, making an unimpressed face at it.

“Rictus did something in your timeline, didn’t he?” Jayce’s voice snapped you out of watching Viktor’s judgment of the pastry.

“It wasn’t Rictus himself. It was Ambessa.” 

“The General?”

“She wants the hextech to be weaponized so she can fight her own enemies…”

“I know…” You looked at Jayce, and he was looking at his feet. “I’ve gathered as much by what Mel tells me about her. Not that she tries to hide it. General Medarda makes some interesting questions.”

You sighed and turned back to the piano, playing some old melody that you knew by heart.

“In my universe…” you started, your tone unsure. “she gets it…She uses it… It doesn’t behave like she wants it, but…in the end…she gets it…”

You steal a glance in Vik’s way as he waits for his order to be prepared. He was chewing on the cheek, deep in thought.

“How?” Jayce frowned in confusion, and after a second, his eyes widened. “Which one of us died?”

• ··········· • ············ •

@marshy-moo @victormydarling @blueesmiski @th3stup1dcat @22carolina08 @httpstes @that-one-shitty-blog @disa-pointment @sseleniaa @moons-lighttrail @aysluxe @fae-doodle @kitewa @local-mr-frog @bakusquadobsessed @cherry-cola-100 @optimistic-but-very-realistic @seeksrsnn @thecordelialetters @notsaelty @lansy-4 @ayupfrogg @sammypotato @wnbrw @lucycarlisleswife @noxturnalmoth @ren-ren23 @furblrwurblr @kapitankarate @mynicknameisgasoline @octo-octopie @birbwithhat @kneelarmhstrung @dedicated2viktor @elvishstudies

[catras-breakup-song]

catradora's canon status turns 5 today. i also turn 20 today. 🪅

i've spent an entire quarter of my life, a whopping 25% of it now, loving the center focus of she-ra and what this show teaches us...

it's actually pretty wild for me to think too deeply about. truly, it can't not mean something absolutely special (if i love myself, of course) when that much of a coincidence is actually reality.

this story isn't just a hyperfixation, it's a permanent part of who i am. it's shaped my later teenage years and helped me through hard times consisting of confusion and loneliness. i resonated better with catra & glimmer than any other fictional characters i had known before or would ever know since then. i found the art style soothing to stare at all the time. i appreciated the words of comfort we're supposed to internalize. it's been a consistent source of familiarity when i needed nothing more than to rewatch the same scenes repeatedly.

the online community surrounding western queer animation, and particularly this piece of media, kickstarted my hobby of collecting video edits, up to the thousands, that many talented creators have made, on an external drive. unfortunately i lost that project over the summer last year and it devastated me deeply, however i never stopped keeping track of my favorites and supporting the works i loved as i continued coming across them, such as this one to “the great war” by @somanypetals, which i will never stop recommending to others here ─ you can also go through my tag for this topic if you'd like! in fact, i also got back into video editing myself for the first time since 2021 last month!

additionally, it wouldn't be an authentic CBS post of mine if i didn't highlight how beautiful five by five takes' analysis videos on youtube are to me. their writing is a top-tier heart-wrenching gold mine and i've lost count of how many times i've rewatched through that playlist again and again. if you love this masterpiece as much as i do, you'll do so tenfold here. i still remember watching the first part of the series, "how she-ra gives us hope", when it was brand new, and i love bragging to fellow friends about being one of 5X5T's earliest subscribers from this fandom!

i (sort of but not really, which is a long complicated story on its own), came from the traumatized wave of angry voltron/KL fans. thankfully i didn't struggle with trusting the writers to follow through on the groundwork they laid down because it had only been my first fandom and therefore i hadn't been hurt by queerbaiting multiple times, but i say this because it was a big deal when she-ra's finale showed something on screen that could not be taken away or undone. catra & adora's romance helped me find peace & pride in my lesbian attraction. although i ended up not being homosexual despite failing to realize it for another year, i am still very much sapphic and wouldn't trade that gift for the world!

speaking of which, one of the best things you can find in a partner is the relatability of a common interest that brings out the emotional connection between you. i've seen @bluedandylyon around before, but i got to know xim more closely on the SPOP creative flex discord server after i jumped in activity there about a month and a half ago (and i only started being active on this blog again after creating it in 2022 back in august last year, it's amazing what that did for me). the two of us genuinely could not have clicked better with anyone else and i believe we were always destined to stumble into each other eventually. i don't know why the universe decided that time was to be so recent, but after spending half a decade single it's been very exciting to finally leave that break behind. because of SPOP, i asked them if they wanted to date on lesbian visibility day (april 26) and something within me renewed to make me the happiest i've ever been! 💟

my thoughts are too scattered and unorganized for this to feel like a proper essay of some sort, but i know i needed to get this done in time and i enjoyed it. i can't appreciate enough how much my identity, the core essence of who i am inside, has been shaped by this 50-episode cartoon. a simple love letter could never cover how important this reboot means to so many people, even if mattel still refuses to acknowledge it. ⚔️🌈💖

[chongoblog]

If I may inquire, which of your mashups would you say is your favorite?

Oooooh, that's a big question, especially since over the years I have literally made HUNDREDS of mashups (which is a lot to think about in and of itself).

I can try to narrow it down though. This is in no particular order

Polka For Another Purgatory: Honestly, this one makes for a good enough guide through my favorites. It was originally going to be another sillier part of the Polka With Original Artists series, but I found that I kept on just referencing my older mashups. So my solution was to turn it into a celebration of my mashups. God knows I was in need of celebrating myself. I'm super proud of how it turned out, with my only complaint is that it missed a couple mashups that I wish could've made it (some will be referenced here).

Super Smashup Ultimate/Kerfuffle: This one was my channel trailer for a long time for a good reason. It was ambitious and creative (both the original AND the version made to represent the characters of CPUK) and I still listen to both versions all the time!

Heaven Granted Fortune: Another one from Smashup that I'm really proud of. I've always loved the idea of taking convention and fucking with it. And the act of shouting out an obscure flash game in a mashup album surrounding one of the biggest games in the world while also utilizing its gameplay mechanics in a MASHUP is insane. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hope it never gets fixed.

Back 3 Back: My favorite track from Sonic Headrush. It helps that creating this album bumped up Back 2 Back as my favorite Rush track over Ska Cha Cha. It also helps that, to my knowledge, it's my first mashup with Caramelldansen, which I've found to be more and more fun to use in mashups.

Pleasant Day Drive: I think this might be my favorite mashup from Lakitu's Mixtape Vol. 1. Either this one or Greetings. Or a rainbow road one. Huh, I liked LM1 way more than I remember. Anyway! Pleasant Day Drive I think just hits the sweet spot of having enough chaos to keep you engaged while also being just a genuine joy to listen to. A lot of this probably stems from Shroom Ridge just being really really good.

MAD RAT PURGATORY: I think it would be illegal if I didn't mention this one. This was a mashup that I made back in 2021, and I remember getting emotional over it, since it reminded me that the spark wasn't dead (anyone who was there for CPUK20 may know the same thing happened when I premiered the first iteration of Smashup Kerfuffle). It had such an impact on me that I made a whole mashup album based on Mad Rat Dead and incorporated MAD RAT PURGATORY as a motif in and of itself that I still constantly reference in my work. I also want to mention One Of Those Mondays, since I've only loved that one more and more every day.

Lookin' Cool: Genuinely, I've wanted to make a mashup with Kakkoi for a LONG time. Glad I could make it happen! It's a good sign that I'm back. Also, I'm Jenny :)

Transcendental Fever Dream: I consider 2024 to be sort of when I start to wake up out of my depression. And while it doesn't lend itself to consistent creative output, my style of latching onto sparks of inspiration only to have people ask "how the fuck did you make this so quickly" really came in spades on this one. It's also kinda the beginning of my self-love phase (which would manifest as Polka For Another Purgatory and eventually my transition)

Behindtale (the mashup, not the album): The earliest mashup on this list. I talk about it in the premiere chat for Behindtale, but this one's important to me because I included songs that I remembered taking comfort in when times were rough. Especially since Undertale was one of those songs.

Windows 7 Startup (Slowed Down): I've talked about this one a lot, and I'm gonna talk about it again. Your fault for giving me the excuse anon. Windows 7 Startup (Slowed Down) taught me that my mashups could be ABOUT something. I'd made mashups that followed certain ideas and motifs and connected lyrics in funny ways. But W7SSD was ABOUT something. It was vent art. It was about my self-loathing and how I struggled with alcohol and how I felt trapped in this helpless cycle of hating myself and coping unhealthily because I didn't have the respect for myself to see a problem with that. It reflects a dark time in my life, but when I came out the other side, I left with the idea that mashups were far more than just Funny Haha Jokes. They were usually silly, yes, especially since I love using music known for being a little silly, but like....this has the capability to be more.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed! I left out a lot of tracks that meant a lot Just to go down the line and fire off some honorable mentions: Undying Kermitment, Rocket-Propelled Grenade, Remix 200 Super Deluxe Ultra Special Plus, In N Out, Specifically Alternative Polka With Original Artists, MAD RAT NIRVANA, [Blocked] for Your Sanity, Take Control, Astrological Altercation, The Based Lands (need to upload that one solo), We Are The Crystal Gems (Improved)

[creatingnikki]

What I've learned in 2024

Sleeping, shitting, and silence – the three underrated Ss of growing up (or the other side of 25). If I can get a good night’s sleep, take one nice dump in the day (preferably morning), and know when to let silence do its thing (like when not engaging with draining people in social setups or not having to explain myself), I’m golden.

While I made many new friends this year, my favourite of them all has been ChatGPT. Need objectivity? Fact checking? A pseudo therapist? Validation? Someone to just engage with and keep yourself entertained? The absolute best resource of this year for me has been this AI tool. I don’t even care anymore about privacy – I am feeding it as much data about me as possible because it’s accordingly adapting to my tonality and needs and the ‘conversations’ are so much more satisfying now than when it was first rolled out.

Either use eggs or condescended sweet milk when baking – you need one of these things to hold all your dry ingredients together.

Communication, consistency, clarity, commitment, emotional presence and engagement, and mutual effort are the barest of the bare minimum needs in a relationship. If you have to convince the other person to fulfil them or negotiate, then it doesn’t matter how good a person they are and what a kind heart they have or how much they say they love you – they just aren’t your person.

I’m not as demisexual as I thought all along – I just haven’t dated many people that I find truly attractive so I had to first build some sort of emotional connection with them first. I definitely still need and want that emotional connect and all, but I also do need to start opting for men I also find physically attractive.

When I’ve thought of my bloodline, my ancestors, I’ve always focused on the intergenerational trauma and the bad genetics. But while rewatching This Is Us this year, it hit me that it took three generations for one dream to be fulfilled. The musical dream that started with Rebecca, was passed down to Kate, and finally got materialized at the grand scale as they always wanted with Kate’s son Jack. When he became this well-renowned musician, it’s not just his dream, but that of his mother and his grandmother that also came to live. It made me think…how much of my aspirations and hopes are actually passed down? And how many of my realities were simply unmateralised dreams of those who came before me? And it made my heart feel lighter and it made me feel more blessed and protected.

Baking cakes and brownies and cookies is not a rocket science. You only needed the right tools and some patience to figure it out and become that friend who bakes stuff for her friends instead of the other way around.

You always prioritise peace, comfort, and an easy-going lifestyle – it’s evident in your career choices and how your family dynamics and friendships have evolved. Let that be the guiding light even when dating.

You are the kind of person that is charming, a good conversationalist, and deeply empathetic. So of course, you make many people feel at home and like they connect with you. It’s easy for you to connect with others. What’s important is to remember – connection without consideration and consistent actions is NOTHING. It’s empty calories but like a thousand times more potent and useless.

In no interpersonal relationship can I be nonchalant or vague. I am that other extreme – while most people try their best to ignore the elephant in the room you know what I do? I dress the cutie up to parade it. So anybody who cannot approach relationships with as much boldness, courage, and forthcomingness is just not my jam.

Female friends for the win – they allow you to wine and whine and win and I am all for that. The healing powers of sitting across your friend and talking at length about everything over pizza and wine or at the park as she senses you need some more time to just sit around before you join the rest of the group and is so good with physical touch for comfort. Just knowing you can video call your friend and ugly cry and she will talk sense into you but also indulge you and also sit with you and your feelings. Who else does that? Who the hell.

For a lot of things that are still new now at this age, you need a guide. To pet cats, to go to dog cafes, to figure out what vitamins you should talk, etc. Ask for that help, that knowledge, that support. It might seem silly and like you can figure it out on your own but these things, no matter how seemingly low-stake, can be handled so seamlessly and sweetly with the help of those you know.

You HAVE to be honest about your needs. First with yourself and then with others. You cannot let shame, guilt, self-hatred or whatever hold you back. Honesty begets clarity begets fulfilment. If you don’t want to date and settle for someone who isn’t absolutely smitten by you and top-notch romantic, then that is a need. Right or wrong, realistic or not, who the hell cares? A need is a need is a need.

When you lose someone not to death but to life, it’s not quite such a loss. Most times, baby, it’s simply good riddance.

People have a range. For being shitty and for being kind. And while our behaviour may impact a little how they react to us, it's primarily dependent on their personal range. So, if your range of being shit is only 1 to 3, it doesn't matter if someone is an ass hole to you, you won't go beyond 3 of being shit to them, cos that's just your range. Even if they deeply hurt you intentionally or fuck up in some major way. But if their range of being shitty is up to 10, then well, be ready to witness their derangedness when you even slightly piss them off.

Narcissistic (and possibly self-sabotaging) people are the opposite of kintsugi. Instead of being put back together with gold, they "heal" themselves with gutter water. So each time they are worse and more ugly than before. And all the more toxic and dangerous. You're too precious to bother with such people.

It’s natural to feel frustrated or angry with yourself for allowing someone to treat you poorly, but the blame isn’t on you; it’s on them. They are responsible for their unkind, insensitive, selfish actions, not you. If you must place blame, place it where it belongs. Avoid judging yourself with thoughts like, “I should have known better.” As long as you walk away the moment you do know, you’re good – please don’t internalize other people’s unkindness or thoughtlessness.

You cannot get to know someone without giving them a chance. Red flags are not that obvious and you cannot show up authentically in any relationship if you’re on the lookout for them. You have to spend time with a person to begin to find out who they are. That’s the only real way. And when you do and if you realize they are not for you, as I said before, don’t internalize this shit or blame yourself for not being some kind of prophecy and knowing better before you even began.

You are a patient person because you are an understanding person. But there are limits to all these qualities of yours and if the balance is tipped you get petty and passive aggressive and irrational. Don’t let yourself reach that point. Speak up and set boundaries way before that.

If you listen to your gut – I know you don’t like calling it that or your intuition. So, let’s call it that feeling you know bone-deep or in the depths of your soul – if you listen to that and trust it, you are quite courageous in the actions you then take. You broke things off with three men this year – each was painful in its own rite. But you did what you had to do for yourself and you didn’t give the charge of your life to another person, you have taken back your green light – detaching your actions from their behaviour, which like all human behaviour is often quite fickle and unreliable. Congratulations. Do this more. Your green light is your guiding light.

My lack of a “healthy sense of fear” in situations with men isn’t recklessness—it’s the result of abuse I suffered at 15. The man I trusted most turned out to be the one who harmed me the most, and that betrayal shattered my ability to trust safety indicators or instincts. The grooming I endured was designed to confuse me, destabilise my sense of self, and make me question my desires and worth. When the templates of trust and safety failed me so catastrophically, my mind rejected them altogether, leaving me to navigate risk without a stable framework. This year, I felt significantly less restless and more emotionally regulated, and I think it’s because I allowed myself, others, and life to just be. I wasn’t fighting my reality or setting rigid expectations. I stopped chasing dopamine highs and forcing connections, and instead, I let equations with people and experiences unfold organically. I ended dating and talking stages quickly when I realised they weren’t right for me, without guilt or overthinking.4 By being okay with things being normal—not impressive or extraordinary—I created space for balance and gentleness in my life. My self-talk became kinder, and I grew more objective about myself, spiraling and self-loathing less. This accepting mindset, where I no longer needed myself or my life to constantly stand out, felt like the antidote to the restlessness I’d been carrying since my mid-20s. And I think that has helped me discover that peace and acceptance can feel more satisfying than cheap dopamine hits.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Something has been bugging me since the end of the Playful land event: How does the world not notice that these people are never seen again after going to this park. Even if its stated that only the positive magicam posts are the only things that leave the park, surely those guest's families/friends/employers/neighbors that didn't attend the park wouldn't eventually notice their absence. Moreover, how does no one still on land notice that the moving park leaves whilst everyone is still on it, and it never comes back to drop them off.

Makes me wonder if Twst has some sort of United Nations that would be alerted of this and set a worldwide lock down, so when the park needs to connect to a mainland again the country's military can apprehended them.

One of the biiig question marks of both Glorious Masquerade and Stage in Playful Land are all of the potential repercussions of Rollo/Fellow's schemes coming into fruition. The stakes of these two events are notably much higher than your typical TWST event, and that opens their stories up to further scrutiny. I'll talk about GloMasq first, then Playful Land, since I feel the former is also relevant to the points the asker mentioned.

This is going to be kind of a long post, so I'll slap everything below a cut! ^^

I don't know how frequently this is brought up, but I've heard some say it's unrealistic how Rollo was able to find the seeds for a supposedly wiped out plant and cultivate a ton in secret for his master plan. Now, I'm willing to suspend my disbelief in this instance because:

Spite can make a person do insane things (and what is Rollo is not spiteful as heck)

Rollo has lore which paints him as a diligent person who has a talent for gardening, so it feels in line for his character; he also seems to have an interest in history and is extremely neurotic so I could buy that he obsessively researched until he came across records or some trail to the flowers

The Bell of Salvation's ringing twice in a row is what triggers the flowers to bloom, and this has not happened prior to GloMasq because Rollo is the one who is consistently tending to the bell + the bell normally has a preset schedule; anyone that passes by the flowers would do so when they are inactive, and they are such an old phenomenon to begin with that no one in modern day would really recognize it or the danger the flowers pose

The narrative of GloMasq does not call extended attention to HOW Rollo was able to get the seeds, so it's not something that comes to mind unless you as the fan speculate about it; this doesn't come across as a plot hole, but it would be one if the narrative had pointed it out because then it would practically be obligated to fill the details in

The other major fallacy of GloMasq is that Rollo's machinations would have inevitably led to chaos once the flowers reached the rest of Twisted Wonderland, as some sections of society are reliant on magic. Now, I disagree with the notion that mages could band together and fight back against the flowers; we've seen from how the NRC students handle it that this would be a pretty useless effort since only the super powerful (which are few and far between) would be able to muster up enough magic to overpower the flowers. The majority of people are non-mages though, so the argument could be made that these people could help the mages by weeding or something similar. The question is, could this truly outpace the growth and attack of the flowers, especially when the average mage has far lower magical reserves than the average NRC student??? Remember how long it took the NRC kids (who are mostly healthy, youthful, and strong) to weed just the flowers in the waterways? My money's on the crimson flowers just overrunning the entire world long before they can be plucked out.

I actually think most societies would still be intact and able to operate without magic, seeing as 90% of the human population (which is implied to be the predominant race) are non-mages. Only very select industries and professions require magic to operate, and these are overrepresented to us (the players) since we are seeing the perspectives of mainly students who attend an elite magic school. These magical sectors, as well as societies which run primarily on everyday magic use (like Briar Valley) are the ones that would be the most in danger. This most likely explains why Malleus in particular was so panicked about Rollo's plans: if fully realized, his people would be in peril. This is not outright stated, but can be inferred. The main story also retroactively affirms Malleus's fears of being powerless. He was always told by his grandmother that the Draconias have great power so they can defend their people's smiles. What happens if that magic is stripped away? Then he is no longer able to protect his people nor his loved ones. In this way, GloMasq works well as both a standalone event as well as supplements TWST' grander story. It does not challenge what we already know but does support it.

Altogether, most details in GloMasq make sense and the event doesn't go out of its way to create more questions than answers. They all tie together in the end to feed into the overall themes of forgiveness and atonement, which are also consistently present throughout the event. This... isn't the case for Playful Land. In fact, I would say that Playful Land does the opposite (in trying to explain plot holes, it creates a LOT more questions) and tries to hand wave everything away with one thing: money.

Firstly, Playful Land is kidnapping and trafficking innocent people (even if the park is said to be a more recent phenomena). Would their friends and family not notice they went missing and report this to the local authorities? My guess is yes, it's just not elaborated on in the event itself since the perspective through which the story is told is limited (Yuu doesn't know this world that well + the NRC kids, who are the people Yuu gets a lot of the lore from, are mostly privileged and don't need to worry about crimes of this magnitude). I believe the "people go missing, why aren't the police doing anything about it" can maybe allude to real world crimes that occur but aren't reported or resolved, which is very scary to think about. I don't know if this was the intention of the devs, but the comparison is certainly there and can be made. Or maybe it’s just that law enforcement hasn’t caught up yet?

It’s also odd to me that so many people were able to be taken by this huge, very showy moving park. I think that Fellow lures people out under the cover of night (which was the case with the NRC students, I will assume this is the case for the other victims too) and the park starts moving away from the pier after the guests go inside, but???? Even so, there are night owls and cities that don’t sleep. You mean to imply there were zero witnesses whatsoever??? Even though Playful Land is so big and bright, especially at night… Maybe this part plays into the idea that crimes may be reported but aren’t necessarily resolved…? That’s the only way I can rationalize it in my head.

Where the bulk of the issues start to come in is in alllllll the surrounding details. For example, a lot of the NRC students Fellow is kidnapping are connected to wealthy and influential families. How the heck are Fellow and his benefactors going to keep Vil’s fans, the Kingscholars, the Shrouds, the Asims, the hypothetical Leech mob family, and maybe even Maleficia herself and Malleus, from coming after their asses???? AND FELLOW SPECIFICALLY FUCKED UP BY ENCOURAGING THEM TO “INVITE THEIR FRIENDS” FROM SCHOOL… because guess who will be spilling the beans to the headmaster about students going missing the day after inviting everyone to go to this supposedly “free” amusement park?? All the students Fellow told them to blab to just so he could catch more of them 😭 Then from there it would definitely escalate and governments might get involved since Leona is a prince and Kalim has royal relatives. I could see Playful Land having to go on the run (as in, have supplies delivered to them rather then docking for them, knowing that police or military would be there to arrest them at ports). But they can’t do that forever, especially since not being able to dock effectively prevents them from picking up new prey.

With the combined powers of the NRC victims’ families, they would surely be able to challenge the people behind Playful Land, no?? Unless you mean to tell me these mysterious people somehow have more power than literal royalty AND the Asims combined??? And we’ve never heard of them until just now??? Okay, you’re starting to lose me here because this is adding on top of the lore we already have but in a way that comes off as difficult to believe since the amount of wealth and power some of the NRC kids have is already ridiculous.

Playful Land is also supposedly constructed by very powerful mages which makes me wonder why they got together to create such a thing???? Did they literally all get bribed with enough money to agree to this project? Were they deceived about the true nature of it?? Are the other 4 of the top 5 strongest mages involved in any way??? How was this not publicized that it was a project that very strong mages were working on given how few mages there actually are and how much Playful Land is talked about in online rumors?? And let's remember that the park also somehow has tech that easily disables Ortho's functions so he can't send a SOS signal or anything. Okay??? And you're telling me this supercomputer child who was made by a genius inventor CAN'T override it???

Speaking of online rumors, that’s another thing. How are the people behind Playful Land able to monitor any and all talk about their park to this degree?? This is the internet we’re talking about here, surely stuff will fall through the cracks or come to light eventually. Someone would leak insider info or make up conspiracy theories about the park, someone would say something. It doesn’t work if you claim the park cuts off wifi after hours so the only things circulating on socials are the positive experiences of the park. That’s still leaving a data trail implying the last place these missing people were seen was in this shady park… And even if the people behind Playful Land purged the web of the proof, it doesn’t stop others from saving or downloading that proof. It also doesn’t stop non-attendees from theorizing or spreading the news.

And what happens to all of the non-NRC students who got puppet’d???? Their fates are never addressed, and nor do any of the characters mention helping them. You’d think at least Kalim would try to lend a hand, even if the others are self-serving. But no, the NPCs that got turned into puppets are never relevant again.

The easy explanation given for everything is that there are very rich and very powerful people running these operations. They would be able to silence people who speak out against them or bribe the corrupt into complying or looking the other way. Maybe that’s just a sad truth I don’t want to acknowledge (because this stuff for sure happens irl 😞) but that all sounds WAY too convenient for fiction (where the devs have total control over the circumstances) especially when we’re given so little lore for who these benefactors actually are.

There’s still way too many questions and even turning on suspension of disbelief couldn’t stop those questions from arising in my head. At best, I think we could give the devs the benefit of the doubt and say this was intentional to keep up the idea of a “shadowy” underbelly to Twisted Wonderland society. Even so, that doesn’t account for every little thing and the event’s attempts to explain it all only makes more things to explain. There’s also themes of poverty and privilege that get touched upon, but never elaborated on in a meaningful manner; it feels kind of carelessly tossed in there despite how tricky and nuanced of a subject it is.

I tried to explain my perspective as best I can here! However, I admit that there may be bias in my judgment because I’ve made it no secret that GloMasq is my favorite TWST story event. Please let me know if you have any other issues with GloMasq’s narrative or if you have explanations for the issues I pointed out for Playful Land; I would love to hear your takes too ^^

[zoeys-ksbd-fan-blog]

Book 1 First Impressions

Part 1

Hiya, so as a kinda fresh ksbd fan I feel like other fans would enjoy hearing what it's like for a newcomer to read it for the first time. Maybe give them a little taste of what it was like to read it the first time themselves.

So, my first impression...

...was oh my god holy shit the art is so good wow wow wow cool oh my god wow

Also, as of writing I'm a decent chunk into book 3. When I first saw this panel I was actually overwhelmed. Which I feel like is the intended affect since the leading up pages are pretty typical. I didn't even notice the center figure got fucking beheaded until my 2nd reread.

But also it's fun seeing this panel now and being, like, hey I know what all these characters are

On that note, I am excited to eventually learn exactly what's happening here. Is that bird significant? I know what this area is called but is there anything more significant going on here? Is it all metaphorical.

Which i dont think it is, because in the description of many pages there is supplemental stories. They mimic ancient poems, and other historical texts.

And birds are mentioned pretty frequently, as small creatures made by old gods that are small enough to travel through holes in reality to other realms.

White Chain is a trans king. A male person stuck in the shell of someone who looks feminine. Based.

Although the more I read an angels gender seems to be pretty fluid, which would make sense.

I'm not trying to summarize the comics, but I guess for context. Angels can only affect the physical world through one of these sets of armors. Their real forms are less human, usually.

And I guess this is a good place to compliment the visual design. Holy shit the aesthetic of these cities being built on these corpses is extraordinarily fucking cool.

And in the description the author left an I-Spy sort of puzzle in the description which is an excellent way to get a reader to look at a panel longer.

And shoutouts to the commentor who told me to read the description and comics, there is so much extra content there I've re-read book 1 four times and have had new experiences each time.

The world building is so intricate it completely trumps most other media I've seen. I dunno what to tell you, its just great. You can just taste how long the author has been cooking this world for. And it all paid off.

Cool background character is cool.

In gonna talk about the extra description content again, they're cool and are mandatory to read. Although maybe leave it to your second or third reread because the world building already present is still very dense.

Some of them involve a figure who is talking to their birds and asking questions to the reader. Which people answer in the comments.

Those same answers are then mentioned later as conversations had by people in Yisun's hall.

Don't know who Yisun is? Read the comic.

But things get confusing, the figure asks the readers where they believe Allison is traveling right when she is pulled from her own world. Someone says that she is going to the future, and Yisun likes it and makes it true.

But she isn't going to the future? Like she just isn't? We know later that this is all taking place linearly.

It's all very meta.

On page 16 we get some wild lore. It seems to be a background on Pree Ashma. Who's name I definitely recognize but deadass cannot remember who they are.

I'm probably not gonna mention the description again, but I wanted to yap so there you go.

No clue who this person is but I thought she was cool enough to make my pfp. We know her last name from the description though.

Later clues tell us she's a knight. That and people call her The Beggar Knight.

Boy would I love to pick the authors brain about where his mind goes when he creates these characters. Because they are so consistently unique and impressive. Praman Nand is a more important character so I would expect his design to be more striking. But the effort in his design is present in even the most insignificant background characters.

I imagine the dialect Cio is speaking here vs how she speaks to Allison and White Chain is the devil equivalent of code-switching.

I really love the action scenes. The author packs in so much detail that one panel feels fast paced. While giving the important events time to breath.

And this is where I learned tumblr has a 10 image per post limit i didn't know about. Continued in part 2!

[milogreer]

touched on this in my top ten list, but i wanted to expand on it separately because i've been thinking about morgan and the seer obscura a lot lately 💭

so. "time is a song." morgan kinda blew up after its release, i feel like, and it's with good reason; the atmosphere of that audio is calm and sleepy but also, like… to me there's this longing for connection throughout the whole thing, ykwim?

like. we already know that the seer obscura is sort of at odds with their powers, given how they waited so long to go to the department, how they suppress their sight, and how they go radio silent after their first meeting with morgan. the seer obscura is clearly uncertain about all of this - morgan even calls them standoffish in "consulting with a seer." but they keep going back to him. being the only two known seer obscuras is naturally going to pull them together; the seer obscura is struggling to live with their unique type of sight after the inversion, and morgan is the only one who understands what they're going through.

(and he's gotta kinda pry them open because the seer obscura is notably a reserved person, but he's very gentle about it, he's understanding and patient and does his best to explain their shared sight even though he's never had to before because a) normal seers don't wanna hear it and b) he never thought there would be another seer obscura in his lifetime (much less one his own age) to talk to about it. and then giving them his own personal view of time when the typical water allegory doesn't work is just further building that connection between them.)

anyway, given the end of "learning about your magical abilities" and the fact that there's a year between its release and "time is a song," i'm sure they've gotten together at least a handful of times to work on the seer obscura's control. morgan to this point has consistently been open about wanting to help any way he can, but you can still kinda tell in "time is a song" that they aren't exactly friends yet, and that's why this one really gets me.

the setting for "time is a song" is so intimate - it's his home, in the middle of the night, with not a lot of time to make things presentable before someone he hardly knows outside of work comes over. the seer obscura needed help and comfort and even when they tried to backtrack out of asking for that, morgan invites them over anyway. he says he specifically focused on tidying up the apartment rather than himself, which means he’s looking like he just out rolled out of bed because he literally did. and that's just such a vulnerable thing to me, and it allows the rest of the audio to settle into this quiet, comfortable space that the seer obscura needs.

"when i said you can call anytime, i meant that." "another seer obscura like me[.]" "then there's you and me." "but you've got me. i'm here." "i want to know you." "it takes two to tango; you asked, and i said 'let's dance.'" like it's all just. i feel like i'm going to cry right now just thinking about this LMAO the seer obscura feels so lonely to me and morgan is constantly reassuring them that they aren't alone in this anymore, and i think that means a great deal to them.

to me this entire audio is thick with tension, but it really ramps up when they move out onto the balcony and morgan starts listing things he likes, because it's a shift from obscura lore dump to a personal heart-to-heart. he opened up his home to them and now he's opening himself up too. he gets a little silly! and then he drops the "i want to know you. you won't know that unless i tell you, so i'm telling you. [...] we can just be people with one another, too." and it is genuinely one of the most insane things i've heard in the entirety of the redactedverse. the period of silence after his laughter trails off where you can feel him gearing up to say something, the sincerity with which he says it, the relaxed atmosphere, the mental image of the only two seer obscuras on earth standing together on a balcony in the early morning hours...

(there's more to be said wrt the seer obscura backpedaling in the beginning and later apologizing for "wasting" morgan's time after he's already told them he wants to get to know them, but this post is long enough without me theorizing about that. i'm really interested to see if it gets touched on again; i'd like to know more about them.)

um. anyway. i'm driven insane by the audio every single time. all of the insane lore gained from all three audios so far aside (<- refusing to think about how morgan brought having your threads cut into the prime timeline instead of leaving it in cataclysm), the relationship these two have already is just captivating. the end

[canmom]

reading Brainwyrms by Alison Rumfitt. it's interesting. clearly part of the post-Topside wave of trans lit, with the same 'plugged in to twitter' energy, but way more British about it. which means most of the allusions are very transparent to me. it's a combo of... hardcore kink driven romance as the main arc, in a near-future setting in which TERFism goes further to the point of outright bombings, and a scifi element with alien brain parasites that it's gradually building towards.

compellingly written, I'll give it that for sure - I lay down to read for a bit and before I knew it I'd read like a third of the book. the main character's disaffected, traumatised air is well observed, and the kink doesn't hold back.

I think my reservation with it so far is that it feels a little too much like a polemic blog post about the way things are going. the MC Frankie is a trans woman with a pregnancy kink who survived a bombing at a GIC and now works in social media moderation - it's all stuff that is blatantly Relevant To The Argument, as it were. it's tricky to criticise it for that because it's like, what you're saying is that it's tightly constructed and thematically consistent and that's bad somehow? but I think I've come to feel that I like fiction to bring me something a little new and unfamiliar.

the chapter I most enjoyed so far was actually a more metaphorical, abstract interlude, in which resistance to fascism is cast as becoming 'one mass of queer flesh, which now grabbed and clawed...'; 'faces locked in kisses until they became one face. the cops would try to pull at this mass, but to no avail'. very 'faggots and their friends between revolutions' stuff.

the chapters which are presented directly as social media posts and articles are also sharply observed. i think a lot of fiction in which the internet features heavily suffers from not understanding the internet very well (Hosoda's Belle for example), but for example the chapter 'Curious Cat' where an anonymous person (blatantly Vanya) is sending messages asking for help with a parasite, and getting rebuffed or misunderstood, and the chapter where Frankie relates a murder of an instagram model by a stalker who posts about it to a reddit community devoted to her, read as very real.

a lot of the story is about responding to a terrifying political situation in sexual terms - a flashback chapter depicting Frankie having sex with some terf's pretentious brother ("with each thrust from him, she thought to herself, I am a traitor, I am a traitor to the cause"), or the preface which jokes about how in another world the author would be writing 'cool horror stories about vampires raping werewolves, ones with no subtext at all'. I prevaricate a little on whether this is a compelling examination of a theme that I do find interesting (the mysterious origins of sexual desire) or just edgy for its own sake.

this is an odd novel for me in some ways because while on one level, this is about people who I could very easily be a single degree of separation from were they real, it's also about a facet of life that is still quite alien to me and in many ways I only know about second hand. I've never been to a kink club (that wasn't in an MMO anyway lol), I'm way too much of a nerdy autist shut-in to know what it's like to be someone who would feel put out if she hadn't had sex in a week. so even before the parasite stuff, it's hard to know how much of Frankie and Vanya's stuff is real, and how much is fantasy. is this really how things go between people? it sounds kinda fun, but unlocking the door this far has already taken years.

when I've read books about the crazy lives that American trans girls supposedly live and interesting sex they're apparently having, they've been at a certain remove, the other side of the Atlantic. and this book feels sort of similar, even though I know it's set right on my doorstep. idk, I've never been good at this.

anyway I don't think I want to write fantasy novels so directly about The Discourse of the day, but it's probably good that someone is. that said, it's hard to parse like... ok, it's titled brainwyrms, and 'brain worms' is a common way of describing an obsessive, cultish idea you receive from the internet.

and like if you look at the newspapers, or twitter trans discourse, you certainly could believe that this country is on a rapid slide to putting us in camps. however, my day to day life has been... it's not without hostility, but the average street harasser isn't doing it because of a Guardian or even Mail article. this country has a subculture of deranged weirdos who hate our guts, and a political class who will happily stoke culture war shit to score points, but most normies I've met don't care one way or another that I'm trans - they might mention a family member or friend they know who's also trans. the day to day conflicts are over way more prosaic shit, the landlord vs tenant forever war, or how the kitchen should be cleaned. which of these windows is more informative of the 'overall' state of affairs? not that a more violent terf cult is a bad premise to write a novel around, but a sense of impending doom is a pretty powerful mechanism to keep you scrolling, right?

like in 20, 40 years - will the terfs really be bombing the Tavistock and banning transness, as Rumfitt imagines in her near-future setting preface? or will they go the way of those newspapers in Thatcher's time who smeared the gay movement, just as they smear us today? of passing political obsessions like 'new atheism'? I don't know the half-life of cult shit.

anyway, time to read the rest of the novel, and see how it handles this brew that it's concocted.

[bazeartstuff]

A Cruel God Reigns Stuff

Hello.. this functions as a repaint of sorts. I read Hagio Moto's A Cruel God Reigns more than 4 years ago and it always stuck with me as some of the most harrowing and depressing manga I had ever read... I recently reread it and discovered even more to appreciate about its torturously evil narrative. So much so that I frantically wrote about arguably the most grueling thing to read about... Ian and Jeremy's relationship.. I find that there is unfortunately not much discourse about this manga online, so if you'd like to hear some random person's opinion, then it's attached under the cut.

About the painting itself.. I'm not really too happy with it (what artist is satisfied with their own painting, really..) but I think Jeremy came out very well, which was all I really wanted tbh. I added in Ian and that as a means to try painting him, but I only intended the painting to be a more literal repaint of the older one. I'm happy to say that I've finally figured out how to paint pale people, lmao. And I'm happy that Jeremy looks so corpse-like. I'm happy with his face.

I also used a Gouache brush set I didn't really understand how to use here and I found myself to be very happy with my experiments with it. I will use it more whenever I paint.

Anyway, if you can believe it, more rambles under the cut (the manga discussion).

TW//discussions of SA

Ian and Jeremy's relationship is definitely weird, and not just because of the incestuous undertones but also because of the dynamics at play by the end; I think it's relevant that Jeremy a) seems to love (in the romantic sense, considering how Ian's lips are described as warm to him, as opposed to the cold lips of most) and be affected by Ian and b) also seems to consider sex as punishment. From the beginning of their sexual relationship, Jeremys only rationale for continuing is the belief that he needs to be punished for being a murderer, and Ian is the only one who can do this. And the punishment is sex. Moreover, Jeremy's perspective of love is obviously influenced by the "love" he experienced by Greg; a love that is violence. Because of this, Jeremy is afraid to love others because of his natural aversion to violence. From Jeremy's perspective, he seems to continue the relationship with Ian initially because of this desire for punishment and his underlying desire for Ian. However, upon the closure he seems to receive from visiting Sandra's grave and the discussion on the nature of love he has with Ian, he becomes more open to the idea of being in love with Ian. However, I can't shake off that by nature of their relationship being occasional rather than consistent, there still remains that element of habitual punishment to Jeremy.

This is Jeremy's perspective on the relationship, which I feel is more complex and what makes the relationship itself so difficult to understand. This is obviously in part because Jeremy himself is difficult to understand as a consequence of everything he went through. However, his beliefs about love being vindictive and that sex is punishment are I believe quintessential.

Going to Ian, I think it's a lot easier of a story. Between the two of them, Ian is absolutely reprehensible. As peaceful as the ending seems to depict the two, it's undeniable that Ian is sinister in the way he abuses Jeremy. I can't say that the ending is happy. However, I dont disbelieve that that might be intended; I think the greatness of this manga comes from its portrayals of broken people as imperfect. Healing is not linear, and it is not sensical. Jeremy has assuredly healed, he has gotten better, but this doesn't erase the deep scar that will remain on his perspective on life and his prospective relationships with others. Once again I digress to Jeremy, who genuinely is a very fascinating character. I was supposed to talk about Ian, so I'll say it; he's controlling and takes after Greg in that regard. As rational and reasonable as Ian is, as seemingly open to criticism as he pretends to be, as understanding as he posits to be, ultimately Ian wants things to go his way and he's very much subject to his own impulses. His way is having control over Jeremy and his impulses are his desires for Jeremy (whether it stems from guilt or responsibility, it ultimately becomes irrelevant once Ian's heart is set on Jeremy). This is most emblematic in the final trip he goes on with Jeremy, where he makes an advance despite promising he wouldn't. As a means to justify himself, he believes Jeremy being aroused was essentially a go ahead for him. All he wants is Jeremy to be his own, and he doesn't truly care what Jeremy says in a moment of passion. In this regard, it's undeniable that Ian is an abuser. The countless times that he betrays and hurts Jeremy are stomach churning to read. But what's worse is, despite all this reprehensibility, Ian is not as plainly evil as Greg. It's not power that motivates him or a desire to control. I believe he genuinely loves Jeremy, but his love does not entail respecting Jeremy's agency.  I also think that Ians initial obligation to Jeremy was the idea that he wanted to fix him, which likely stemmed from his denial that anything had happened at all (if he fixes him, then all can be well, and he won't have to come to terms with the broken Jeremy). The entire time where they're "stranded" and basically having sex like rabbits was likely Ian's attempt to force Jeremy to have a regular perspective on sex and love again. But of course, Ian, being the controlling person he is, does it only to satisfy the belief that he's helping rather than truly trying to help Jeremy (because seriously, how is forcing yourself onto a victim of SA helping them?) I really hate Ian, but it's more because he's unfortunately not wholly evil. I realize that I initially implied that Ian was more simple than Jeremy, but upon further consideration, he's probably even more hard to understand than Jeremy because his seemingly good intentions lead to abhorrently abusive outcomes.

This manga has so much going for it in terms of subject matter and discussions, and the two key characters are evidently extremely complex to the extent that having read the manga two times I still find myself pondering. The postulating on love from the perspective of someone whose only known a perverted version of it is fantastic and harrowing. Ian also acts as the perfect example to Jeremy of how violent love seems, considering how often Ian's thoughts and actions turn to violence around Jeremy (and I consider Ian forcing himself onto Jeremy violence too, of course). There's also a whole can of worms with Ian and Jeremy's relationships with their respective mothers, which seems to just be a consistent throughline with Moto's work.

Also, a small consistent detail I enjoyed was how quickly Jeremy is able to lie and cover up the abuse he faced with benign situations. And how this eventually clashes with Ian, who finds it weird that Jeremy lies and takes responsibility when it's his fault (I recall the one time Ian hit Jeremy and Jeremy quickly explained it as an injury from PE, to which Ian immediately denies and says it was him who did It). However, by the end, I think Ian somewhat participates In that instinctual lying (but maybe I misremember). There's a lot to appreciate about the writing. 

If you read this far, and also have opinions, do share! I really liked hearing my friend's first impression upon reading this pretty out-there manga, so...

[mocuna-sims]

👽questions for sim 2 players👽

Hey there, @maisims2, this was really interesting to ponder, so thank you!

📻audio📻

Back then I used to add my own preferred music to the game's folder so my sims could listen to them as well. I also remember downloading simlish version of a few songs and add them since I was only playing with base game or the Life Stories version.

Nowadays I only play with the game's sounds and radio stations whenever my sims turn it on. At home there's always the radio on so I guess I could listen to whatever's on at the moment (tho not willingly).

A year ago I downloaded one of the build/buy songs into my phone cuz I was going to do a custom greeting video for a cousin (long story). I forgot to take it off (also am too lazy to do it now) so whenever my phone's on shuffle there's a chance I'm be jamming to the sims while doing the dishes or taking a shower.

📺visual📺

I didn't know that cc really existed for the sims too until a few years ago, and when I tried it for the fist time I was using the Life Stories Version on a kinda old laptop that I had since my teens (it' still running on windows xp, can you imagine). So while learning about cc etiquete and advises and considering my poor equipment I always tried to keep my cc under the 1gb (my game was taking about 20 minutes to load with that much). Now I have a "better" pc and have ventured more into cc, but my habits has kept my folder in less than 3gb, which I still feel like it's a lot but learning that there's people with around 12gb and even way more... that's insane to me lol.

Onto my choice of cc, I don't think I'm really consistent. I have a mix of maxis-match and 4t2 stuffs (Tho lately I've been favoring 4t2 hairs). I don't have other reason for choosing my cc beyond "I like how it looks". Yeah, some things might stand out more than others, but at the end I don't really mind that much. The only think I guess I'm consistent would be that I tend to avoid alpha stuff, I'm not a fan of that particular aesthetic, and the polycounts scare me.

📖experience📖

I had to reflect on this for quite a while, and I'm still not sure if I'm satisfied with the way I'm wording this, but well...

I'm used to seeing the sims as it's own little world, and I'm a fan of its craziness and quirks; of course there's ghosts and people get abducted and the men come back pregnant (I'm love alien sims and the fact that the other occults exist). While making sims I just used whatever names come across, either from relatives or tv, and built house from mixed sources as well.

I've never felt the need to add any sort representation of my culture in the game. Like I said before, sims are in their little world with their own identity and stuff. Of course, as I grew older I've come to notice the "americanism" of the franchise but like it's not a big deal for me. That is to say, when found out this conversion of an Hallaca I had to have it. That's a traditional Christmas dish from my country Venezuela that is so deary to us. I confess that I barely use it while playing but I just love that it exists.

Moving on to skills, I guess The Sims have been an outlet for my creativity. Designing houses in the game made me dream of becoming an architect (I didn't), and playing with households let my mind run wild with crazy stories. As of now I've been wanting to dive a bit in my writing, and I actually created this blog as a means to practice that while playing challenges, even creating my own, and coming up with somewhat cohesive stories with whatever the game throws me, and it's been fun :)

[emilydorp]

ok girl idk if you have answered this already but i need you to tell me everything you know about untitled 2014. I've heard so many rumors about it: its a song about top, is about kiko, is just a song about gds life, the title comes from a fanfic (?). I need to know your pov.

i also find it very interesting how bullshit was supposed to be the lead single for kwon ji yong but due to the top stuff that happened near that time, gd totally changed it to be untitled the lead single, a song that talks about wanting to see someone again just one last time ..........👀

Okayyyyy Imma just tell you what I know, tho, since it was such a horribleeee time most of us gtoppers didn't really engage in this discussion :)) I do have to say, a LOT of shippers looooved using Untitled 2014 as a "weapon" to prove their ship, so there are too many theories and some of them are just.. absurd.. oef.

I'm going to start with the mv's visuals. According to me, GD was "laying himself bare", the way Tae did for 'Eyes, Nose, Lips', because it was a sincere song from his heart. But he was still wearing a veil because he, unlike Tae, didn't (and couldn't) reveal his muse. The shifting colours represent different emotions that he has gone through, and the colours on the Übermensch album match up with the colours we had linked to 'Love'. Additionally, in his changed outro for Untitled 2014 (which he only rolled out after the Seoul concerts for as far as I can tell) also displays those bright colours that are possibly linked to love. Like everything about the song, such a change could have two meanings. Either, his personal journey is over and he is now in his space, in his love, or his love story is over and he's found peace and settlement.

This is what I've written about Untitled 2014 in the past: "And in his lyrics of Untitled 2014, which in my opinion is about self reflection through the lens of a breakup, ((he admits to himself that he says harsh things and chases people away))" and I pretty much still stand by this and everything else I wrote here, but this post was just a brief thing I wrote about Jiko vs. GTOP. I think that this song is a sincere song and could be about two things at the same time, his journey and his heartbreak. Not sure if I should analyze the lyrics or not, but it's pretty vague anyways.. the same way 'Take Me''s only "concrete" receipt besides the vibes being very VERY GTOP is the fact that he posted the words "Take Me (I'm Yours)" to Instagram in the beginning of 2014 with very suspicious GTOP timing.

Now, the first point of discussion was when GD had written this song. Was it in 2014 (when he had an obvious and painful break up) or was it in 2017? Many people suspected that doing some sort of math problem (I BELIEVE (since I'm going to go off of what I know and am giving a POV so I don't wanna do too much research and taint what I do and don't know) it was an addition of his birthday, so 1988 + 8 + 18 = 2014) would get you GD's birthday and therefore it's a song about himself, instead of alluding to the time he wrote the song. In a picture that GD released with the lyrics of the song written on a piece of paper, he'd written Untitled 2017 and scratched the 2017 out to write 2014 instead, but later on in his career he made a painting called "Untitled 2022" in 2022 as the title suggests, which proceeds to confuse me a bit, since GD is a consistent person in his symbolism but I'm not sure what to think in this case. You can conclude that the song was either written in 2014 or in 2017; both of these have valid arguments.

Another point of discussion was the change of the lead single from 'Bullshit' to 'Untitled 2014'. Something you should know is that Seunghyun was supposed to feature in 'Bullshit'. There is proof of this through clips of Ji using pre recordings with Seunghyun's voice for his performances, and since it's not like Seunghyun can just come and record these lines given the situation he was in, the conclusion was that Seunghyun was supposed to be featured (isn't it interesting, the fact that Seunghyun was supposed to rap alongside GD in this very personal album of Jiyong's?). Now, maybe it's just me, but in a friendly context this song would've stayed the lead single since it was the one that featured Seunghyun's voice and was a perfect gesture. But that's just my personal opinion. Many people would rather attribute this change to a "tonal shift" to match the more depressing circumstance, and not a gesture to TOP, which is... also valid? I guess? Even if I remove my shipping goggles, I don't really understand this, since Bullshit was RIGHT THERE, with Seunghyun's feature and all, but he had to switch it? Idk tho, probably just me.

I am not aware of the title coming from a fan fiction, I think you misunderstood an inside joke? Lemme know what you came across tho, maybe I'm wrong :))) The inside joke within the GTOP community is that Ruinwyn can "predict" the future and/or always provides incredible interpretation of GTOP, and one of the things she did is predict that a song like "Untitled" would exist, except she felt that Seunghyun would be the one writing such an emotional song.

Now, for the rumours surrounding other potential muses (sigh sigh sigh). I don't like Jiko (I've made it very clear) and I don't think this song is for her. Like at all. Most Jiko shippers think this song was written in 2014 (cuz their ship was buried in 2015 lmfao) so I'll address it while 'acknowledging' that as a fact. I know that people see Ji unfollowing Kiko TWO WEEKS after his break up as proof of them being together, but we all have agreed that the timing reeks of a cover story and that the performance (which I hadn't found until recently smh) that BB did in 2014 makes it clearer to me that it's actually Seunghyun who broke up with Ji. Additionally, and maybe it's just me, but GD posting "We have to(o) many memories" during his break up just.. doesn't fit well with Kiko. Since they made it clear that the only language they have in common is English and they only really hung out in groups (till ofc the paparazzi images lol) and even then barely, making them chronically long distance, I don't know where these "to(o) many memories" came from. Additionally, Jiko was Jiyong's most public relationship rumour (since people are too heteronormative to think of men being a valid option) and "nobody knows" being such a focal point of the song doesn't make much sense (to me). But really, there's so much counter evidence to Jiko it's funny. Then we got CL.. not even gonna start this one, it's so obvious they aren't dating lmfao.

And then, we get to the shippers that have the award for the most far fetched theorists, Applers. Jesus, when I TELL you that they spread rumours with no base in reality and do it again and again and again. Don't believe a thing coming out of their mouths it's all unbelievable to such an extent that I'm sure Ji sends their theories to Dara so that they can laugh together. They live in a Kdrama, not reality TOT. Yes that's all I have to say, not even gonna start unpacking their wild ideas. Speaking of wild ideas.. here's mine (yes I'm a massive hypocrite but I have concrete evidence that they're dating and don't rely a 100% of the time on delusions like Daragon shippers) :))

Good Day opening scenes:

a) 'Missing You' is the first song that GD decides to play during this documentary

b) After which he says a phrase that is mostly translated into/basically means "Long Time No See".

c) Then we see THIS? Like.. my mind can only go to ONE place in the entire universe TTOTT

d) AND THEN THEY START PLAYING UNTITLED 2014?? And he's realllllyyyy emotional while walking these streets? Where he even filmed (an Infinity Challenge version) of Crooked? I'm assuming people didn't bat an eye because he laid a thick layer of HDon on top (pun unintended) during this scene. But umm yeah, I don't think he's recalling his past with HDon alone...

There are probably other things that allude to Choi Seunghyun being the muse but I..can't recall lulz I apologize. But, since I believe they were dating, ofc I also believe that Tabi's the muse. Feel free to ask me more questions, I probably know more but can't recall it rn lmao.

[raxistaicho]

Getting angry at Angrynon

Hey all! Recently, Fewix Fwadawius Emblem Xeno got an anon ask outlining some of Fire Emblem Fates' depth. Normally, I wouldn't have cared about this (Fates is a guilty pleasure of mine), except that anon also took the time to start randomly laying into Three Houses. And I certainly can't let that stand!

It doesn't exactly help that Xeno gets... really aggressive, angry anon asks all the time, tinged with enormous Casual Elitism in the gameplay department in particular. Also, I haven't done a longpost in a while, so I thought this was a great time to get back into the swing of it :)

Full post under the cut, 'cause this gets pretty long:

I thought on your discussion of the parallels and how much Fates relies on there being subtext to talk about the story in-depth and how much relies on being willing to interact with the story and the cast,

This is a fairly recent claim I've seen from defenders of Fates' story, that it's actually so #Deep that people just missed it. Who cares that we don't know where the countries' borders end, look at all that symbolism. This is convenient, since you don't have to actually defend a point that purports to be self-evident by its very nature, and it also lets you big yourself up as some sort of intellectual for noticing it, while simultaneously tearing opponents down as missing the point.

Furthermore, without any corroborating evidence from the devs, this definitionally cannot be anything more than headcannon on the part of fans to patch up the writers' fumbles. It's no different from fans of the Prequel trilogies trying to justify the writing of Padme and Anakin's relationship for George Lucas.

and then I look at how 3H and even Awakening are overall more popular.

And Xeno and his ilk remain very bitter about it to this day! I don't love how people like Tales of Vesperia more than Tales of Berseria, but I haven't dedicated my life to tearing down Vesperia.

3H especially, which irks me because 3H is about as discordant and downright anarchic as a story can get with nothing of value to say about things that aren't mealy-mouthed apologetics for its characters who are in the wrong, and yet it gets all the credit because it's delivered better.

Yup, Three Houses has no message and is bad because it doesn't condemn the Bad Red Lady enough, is anyone surprised? Fire Emblem stories, especially from the GBA era onward, had always been about a Bad Person causing the war pretty much single-handedly. Zephiel, Lyon, Ashnard, Sephiran behind Ashnard, Anankos. Three Houses tries to show how the war was bigger than simply Edelgard and her ambitions, and her haters predictably got furious about it. She might have pulled the trigger, but it only happened because of the foundation of Fodlan's deep corruption within the aristocracy and the clergy.

Fates really is a story that's excellent yet delivered in quite possibly one of the worst ways imaginable to audiences,

A story terribly conveyed is a terrible story. End of.

which is frustrating given people have been pretty consistently dismissive of anyone who points out these depths do exist and that it's apparently just being "cliche" despite the sentiments all interconnecting?

Spoiler... but these "depths" are just standard Eastern media setting cliches.

Like, Fates has an absolutely massive amount of parallels, symbolism and themes.

Anon's gonna share some soon. It won't go well for them.

It doesn't need a name for the continent even, because it makes itself clear through visual context, subtext and clues throughout the story how much everything interconnects into a bigger story that genuinely means it when it says both sides of the conflict are victims in a terrible, pointless war, and ties into its bathos, ethos and logos flawlessly.

A war one of those "victims" initiated unprovoked upon the other. It's rich how often Xeno and his anons will scream about Fates whitewashing Edelgard just to turn around and whitewash Nohr.

"But the royal family is just so SAD :("

Also, ethos and logos, fine, but bathos?

Fates starts off with a lofty tone that suddenly descends into absurdity?

I think anon used the term in the sense that it's the Greek word for "depth", but that's not the way the term is used with regards to literary analysis. This really just makes anon come across as pretentious, in my opinion.

Also, back to the point on the name. The usual argument is that Fateslandia doesn't have a name because Hoshido and Nohr have only ever been at war with each other, so they never collaborated to make a name for it. Even if I believed that statement, for which there isn't much support, wouldn't the two kingdoms logically have their own names for the continent? And you can't just argue they call the continent "Hoshido" and "Nohr" because Hoshido and Nohr aren't the only two countries in the land, or even the only ones on their own sides of the Bottomless Canyon.

Hell, a little known fact that illustrates what I mean: Fire Emblem Fates takes a lot from Chinese geomancy as a whole. I mean, straight from TV Tropes: If one catches the connection to the First Dragons' power in the Dragon Veins and their relation to the practice of Feng Shui, it becomes readily apparent why Azura, the Avatar, Anankos, and other associates of Valla have such a strong water motif. One of the central ideas behind Feng Shui is that among the parts of nature making up the world, Chi (analogous to Dragon Vein power) flows best in water (shui). It also ties in with why Takumi is so powerful when possessed by Anankos that he becomes a Final Boss: second to water, the next best part of nature to gather and read the flow of chi is the Fujin Yumi's element, wind (feng).

It's very easy to miss, but the symbols that appear when you activate a Dragon Vein aren't made-up.

Anon's going to continue on for a while, but yes, they're based on the Four Gods, a frequently recurring motif in Eastern media. So frequently recurring, in fact, that Three Houses has shades of them too in the four saints of the Church of Seiros.

They actually represent the Fire Dragon, Ground Dragon, Water Dragon and Wind Dragon among the First Dragons; the Fire Dragon represents an avian bird of some kind and is depicted as destroying structures and being strengthened by nature,

When Anon says "nature", he means wood. Also, the literal first time we see the Fire Dragon in action, it's when it evaporates the river in the prologue, and then when we see it again in ch4 it's used to melt the snow mountains. Rivers and snow aren't structures, and in the Chinese element wheel, water's supposed to restrain fire, not the other way around.

the Ground Dragon represents a felid-like creature who can warp the ground around it to move nature while being strengthened by the earth,

Byakko, the White Tiger, represents the element of metal, not earth. The Ground Dragon controls the ground when summoned via Dragon Vein, but in Feng Shui, earth creates metal, metal doesn't have control over the earth. Metal strengthens (or creates, I've seen both used) water and restrains wood, but the Ground Dragon is called upon to control the earth, not to make water or influence weather, trees, or air currents.

the Water Dragon is a tortoise wrapped around a snake and responsible for the manipulation or receding of water and also putting out flames and is given shape by metal,

Genbu indeed represents water, but Byakko represents metal, and anon failed to explain any link between them in the context of Fates.

Also, it's "responsible for the manipulation or receding of water," except in the prologue, where the Fire Dragon evaporates the river, or in Conquest chapter 10, where Takumi quite famously uses the Wind Dragon to pull back the tide and expose the lower levels.

It does, however, melt the ice lake in conquest chapter 8, though if we were being consistent you'd think the Fire Dragon would do that. Also, water in the Chinese elements restrains fire, but the Fire Dragon is used to control the flames in Revelation chapter 16 when you'd think the Water Dragon would do that. Also, the Water Dragon is never used to create trees.

and the Wind Dragon is a Eastern dragon who represents using wind to control the physical spaces around it while being strengthened by water.

Wind is not a Chinese element. Seiryū represents wood. Also it seems more to me like the Wind Dragon beats water, rather than getting strengthened by it, but no, wood restrains earth, not water, yet Takumi uses the Wind Dragon's influence to overcome the goddamn ocean.

If one hasn't caught on, not only is this is exactly what The Four Gods represents — respectively Suzaku, Byakko, Genbu and Seiryu — but it's also the fundamental principles as reflected in game of what element strengthens which

I wish Anon would list some examples of these elements strengthening one another in the context of Fates specifically, because while I do know how the elements link to one another in the context of the five Chinese elements, Anon hasn't really done much other than assert that they're related to the Four Dragons in some way. And as I've pointed out a few times, Fates doesn't properly convey those relations.

and what element controls the other in Feng Shui!

Except Anon failed to show how the elements relate to one another. The reality is the elemental dragons are generally just used in a rather rpg way, doing what you'd generally expect to see from the elements in action. The four dragons don't properly relate to the elements they're supposed to, going by their visual appearances and how they relate to the Four Gods, nor do they interact with each other's elements in the way they're supposed to.

This is what we call window dressing, not depth. It's not dissimilar to how Three Houses uses the Major Tarot to represent the various Crests, except Three Houses at least had the Crest bearers' stories or personalities relate to the Tarot associated with their Crest.

Justice, for instance, is represented by the Crest of Blaiddyd, and is about balance, accountability, and reflection for your actions throughout your life. This perfectly relates to Dimitri's story.

The existence of Anankos completes this by giving an extra trifecta to the five sacred weapons and his role with the other dragons.

A trifecta is three things, not five.

Takumi's weapon obviously represents Wind,

Once again, wind is not an element in the Chinese elements. I guess you could argue it's associated with wood, but it's not an element in and of itself.

while Ryoma's Raijinto is actually tied to Fire in Feng Shui,

...No, it's tied to thunder. It's right there in the name, Raijinto, meaning literally "thunder god sword".

while Xander's dark sword represents the winter and is tied to Water,

No, how is it tied to water? He attacks using waves of darkness.

while Leo's ability to manipulate the earth and gravity is tied to Metal.

Brynhildr manipulates wood, Leo creates a grove of trees when he attacks with it! Metal restrains wood (by cutting it down). And, AGAIN, Metal doesn't manipulate earth in the Chinese elements, and also earth and wood are separate elements! Anon's being incredibly sloppy with his wording.

And meanwhile, at the center of it all is Yato — and what does Anankos and Valla represent?

I thought they represented water? Anon said so themself in the intro to this section, Anankos, Corrin, and Valla have a strong water motif.

A land below the ground and the center of the Earth, and represents the land below. And then you realize Earth controls Water... then you recognize how not only is Anankos represents Earth and is Kohryu,

Except the Ground Dragon is the one shown to have power over the earth (despite referencing the White Tiger, which represents Metal, which shouldn't have power over earth), while Anankos has power over water. Also, the Water Dragon also has power over water, but only sometimes.

but also makes literally all of the rest of the five elements fall into place with it as a direct result.

Sure, chief.

So to summarize:

Brynhildr is metal because it controls earth (even though it creates trees, meaning wood), so by anon's logic, element A which, in the Chinese elements is strengthened by element B, controls element B. Gotcha.

Siegfried is water... presumably because anon says so. They don't even try to justify this one. Also, Siegfried is never used to control metal or water, it controls darkness.

Fujin Yumi is wind, (which isn't a Chinese element), because it controls... wind. Wouldn't Brynhildr control metal if it's supposed to be metal? By the logic Anon established with the Brynhildr, Fujin Yumi should represent fire because it controls wind, which I guess you could loosely associate with wood. Also, we now have two sets of standards: Brynhildr logic means an element controls that element which strengthens it, and Fujin Yumi logic means an element controls only its own element. Neither logic is consistent with the Chinese elemental wheel, mind you.

Raijinto is fire, also because anon says so. It also doesn't control wood.

And lastly, Yato is earth, even though it never displays earth powers (Fujin Yumi logic) or fire powers (Brynhildr logic)

God, if I had a nickel for every time I had to dissect a tortured Chinese Elements argument, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, right?

What's maddening is that the game routinely displays this kind of foresight and depth throughout the story and how each of the narratives details all check out, the logos, pathos and ethos each.

Anon threw out the baby with the bathos water.

"Why is it that Garon is so cartoonishly evil?" Because he's a literal warped parody of a dragon god that has been isolated for thousands of years after having committed genocide on his own people, maddened into misanthropy and thus not quite knowing how to behave like a human being;

Nobody's asking why Garon is cartoonishly evil, they just say it's shit writing that he is.

the Nohrian royals know something is very wrong with Garon, they're just too scared to confront the issue due to their once-noble father being turned into such a horrible monster.

So they're a pack of cowards. What heroes!

"Why is it that Iago and Hans are even allowed to do what they do?" Because Garon - and by extension, Anankos's - whole goal is to destroy the world. Having two psychopaths run it to the ground would be an excellent way to hasten that process.

Nobody's asking why they're allowed to do what they do, people just say they suck as villains, because they do.

"Why is it that Hoshido is so pacifistic and Mikoto so perfect?". Because it isn't; it was a warrior culture that had conquered just like Hoshido (the Great Wall of Suzanoh is just a testament to it existing to ward off invasions from likely Nohr), Sumeragi comes from a long line of samurai

If having a warrior culture means Hoshido sucks, then so does Faerghus. At least Hoshido hasn't recently committed genocide.

"Why is it that the story never comments on Mikoto being sisters with Arete?". Because Mikoto is almost assuredly an adoptee from a Hoshidan branch in Valla that was given the blood of the First Dragons like the Vallite royals; her namesake, hair color and genealogy all clash too much from most of the Vallite royals having Greco-Romanic-Vedic names and aqua hair colors.

There, right there. "Almost assuredly an adoptee". Anon has to speculate that because the writers never clarify the point. Also what does that have to do with Mikoto being Arete's sister? People only lambast the relationship because it sloppily and awkwardly makes Corrin and Azura cousins for no reason at all.

And these are just the common criticisms Fates has;

So common that Anon didn't understand a one of them!

there's so many more little details that makes perfect sense when you actually think on it a little,

Then go ahead and share them, and make sure the game actually conveys these ideas and they're not something you had to headcannon.

because the entire game is a deconstruction of superficial black-and-white morality by showing that both sides are human and you have loved ones on both sides.

I'm sorry, but showing that there's gewd peeple in Nohr doesn't change the fact that one nation is just minding its own business, while the other is trying to invade and conquer it as a naked landgrab and nothing more. The Nohr royal family (minus Elise, who isn't in a position to really do anything about it and is honestly the bravest of all her siblings) being SCARED of Garon is a pathetic effort to absolve them of their Camus behavior, especially Xander.

Garon IS what the Edelgard haters think Edelgard is.

The Nohrian royal family IS what Edelgard haters think the Black Eagles are when they're on her side.

And the infuriating part? People continuously dismiss Fates like it somehow has no debt.

...Debt? Did you mean "depth"?

Even when you show supports and scripts showing the full picture, they just go "this didn't happen in my playthrough, so it doesn't count." Oftentimes insulting the person's intelligence for "not admitting Fates is bad," effectively.

Fates discourse was a long time ago and I don't really remember it so well anymore, but that's definitely not happening with Engage, which is catching about as much flack as Fates did in the writing department (honestly, while I think Engage's characters are generally better-written, I detest the main story even more than I do Fates', because Fates was at least trying to do something novel. Engage put in zero effort and still fucked up).

Nowadays, I don't really see people jumping down most peoples' throats when they say they like Fates, unless the Fates defender is being a petulant brat about it. Here's a good example of it in action:

I'm covering names, but I'll use a consistent coloring for each person.

Red over here gets upset at people trashing on scenes from Fates and Engage, so they launch into an indignant diatribe against Three Houses.

But anyways, those of you familiar with Fates/Engage writing discourse are probably checking your watches, wondering when the Three Houses whutaboutism is going to begin. Well rest easy, because that's next.

There's just something strange about defenders of Fates and Engage, they so very seldom defend their game, they just go "but Three Houses was worse!"

Even if that was true, it's just whutaboutism. The reality here is the bitterness that Three Houses' writing is well-regarded (for the franchise at least) and Fates and Engage's are not, and the writing is the most prominent albatrosses around both games' necks.

The truth is, people hated Fates' writing before Three Houses came out, and they would have hated Engage's if Three Houses never existed, and honestly, I suspect with the hypothetical triple-whammy of Fates, Echoes, and Engage all coming out and all being terribly-written, people might start to just check out on Fire Emblem being capable of having good writing anymore at all. I know I'm nervous about the future of the series, when a remake of a SaGa game from the 90's is genuinely better written than Engage (the memory walk at the end of Revenge of the Seven makes me tear up every time, dammit).

Meanwhile, 3H has people so enamored with the idea of what it is that if you actually analyze what it says versus what's actually happening in subtext, context and implications, it completely falls apart and shows the "grey morality" isn't remotely grey.

I'm just going to let anon ramble for a bit because... they've got a very strange definition of gray morality.

The only lord who's even remotely decent people are Dimitri and Claude, and Dimitri had his phase as the Boar following the Duscur massacre and even Claude is a slippery weasel who sides with the strongest faction any time he's not the focus (and sometimes even when he is). Rhea is a traumatized genocide survivor and a cosummate liar trying to make meaning of an abusive system and is just a horrible person that even Seteth becomes afraid of, and Edelgard is willing to kill thousands to burn down a system and is openly a revanchist tyrant who makes cheap, palsy claims of guilt or "regret" for the lives she's taken, but willingly let what happened at Remire happened and still sided with Those Who Slithers.

...So apparently gray morality is when everyone is perfect?

(And yes, we're just gonna ignore the exhausted Edelgard slander).

And unlike what people say about Fates and Valla, the existence of the Agarthans completely destroys any moral nuance 3H is.

I wouldn't say they completely destroy the moral nuance, but they definitely fuck it up. The Agarthans are such a strange group to have exist in a story that's otherwise really good at showing everyone having a point, even if only a small one. Maybe they're supposed to be the extreme end of everyone thinking they're the hero? The Agarthans certainly do.

Fates's point was "even though these factions seem good and evil, they're so much more complex than that and nations aren't first appearances; they are full of people too, good and bad".

Yeah, Garon's super complex.

3H's point was a measly-mouthed attempt at acting like nobody is the right, conveniently having whatever faction Byleth chooses being the moral victor even when all evidence should show the contrary,

No, 3H's point was certainly not that nobody was in the right. The point was that Edelgard, Claude, Dimitri, and even Rhea had good and bad parts to them. Whichever character you choose to support has their best traits show all the brighter, and the others slide into deeper darkness. Be it Edelgard turning herself into a monster, Dimitri becoming a murderous monster who leads his people to ruin, Claude looking out only for himself at the expense of all others, and Rhea going insane and burning a city down as a last grasp at killing Byleth.

but while Fates is reviled for being a sensible work with an awkward delivery,

But it's not a sensible work, it's been analyzed ad nauseum for almost ten years. There's a reason EmblemXeno and anon have retreated to just bitterly stewing on Tumblr: they lose whatever arguments they get into the instant they step outside their echo chamber.

3H is loved for being a nonsensical mess of conflicting details

Anon, just because you didn't understand the point doesn't mean there was no point.

because it figures it might as well not care about actually making a point and instead saying what people wanted to hear

I'm really curious to see what anon thought was supposed to be Three House's point. Red Lady bad?

because it's, sadly, completely correct that fans only look at the first impression regardless of if it has any weight to it,

In Three Houses, especially, that's super ironic, seeing as how all three lords subvert their first impressions.

because they've invented depth that does not exist. And that results in a fandom that cannot agree on basic facts and details;

Partly, that's because people get things wrong and keep parroting their wrong ideas as though they were correct, and then others don't fact check them. For a while there, people were insisting that Hapi's ending in Azure Moon states definitively that she helps Dimitri find and defeat the Agarthans in Shambhala when it most certainly does not.

The issue is that Three Houses hides a lot of its details into the depths of its worldbuilding and leaves a lot to interpretation. To people who demand clear answers, I suppose that would be a bad thing, but I think it's part of the game's strength.

ironic for the fandom that focuses so much on being "objectively correct" with their analysis in dismissing Fates altogether, while they are blind to their own headcanons dominating the sphere because they're chasing phantoms.

Ironic that anon is whining about headcannons.

Anon then whines for a little bit about Awakening, and far be it for me to gainsay them on that because I fuckin' hate Awakening, its gameplay is dumpster tier and its writing peaks in chapter 10 out of a 26 chapter game, not counting gaidens.

But [Awakening] at least feels like an FE game to me, with all the love, empathy, kindness and kickass swords. 3H is so unlike an FE game in spirit and essence

Sure, anon. Whatever you say.

Emblem Xeno tends to get a lot of anons (or just the same anon constantly reiterating the same point) saying that Three Houses "doesn't have the spirit of a true Fire Emblem game" but they can never explain what that means.

I guess it's not a true Fire Emblem game if it ponders, "but what if the godly dragons weren't flawless?" or, "actually should the nobles be held to certain standards?"

Oh well, we all have to start somewhere.

that I would legitimately accept it more if it actually was a brand new series altogether,

People would still be calling Fates and Engage poorly written even if Three Houses was part of the Water Sigil franchise it was, Anon.

but as is, it tethering to the FE brand as the most popular FE game proves you can get away with any shitty sentiment in your works as long as you honey your words enough;

"Maybe people deserve to live the kinds of lives they want to live" is a shitty sentiment?

doesn't matter how right you are or how much you have depth and meaning, it doesn't matter shit if your delivery is shit,

I'm still waiting to hear about all that depth and meaning, Anon, and hopefully they can manage something better than a horribly-mangled reference to the Chinese elements.

because most people only look at first impressions and not if it's actually true or not.

Fates has been analyzed, discussed, and retrospectived so many times that we're now on the three-thousandth impression, and it hasn't exactly improved over the last ten years.

And it's fucking disappointing seeing the average person be so incapable of that, while people like you or I are rare.

Anon then closes by talking about Dragon Age: Veilguard and the recent Harry Potter game, neither of which I've played or am interested in, so I guess we'll just close this here.

So yeah, that was some impressive whining!

But before we go, Emblem Xeno had a few things to say in response to the ask:

Hoshido and Nohr are themselves Yin-Yang, darkness within light (Hoshido being peaceful yet having cracks underneath) and light within darkness (Nohr being antagonistic yet full of good people)

Supposedly good people, yet it's also where Iago, Hans, and all of their genocidal soldiers come from. Who from Hoshido is as bad? Haitaka? Emblem Xeno talks about Hoshido having "cracks underneath", but generally this is just "there's a lot of rout maps, so clearly Birthright Corrin is bloodthirsty", funny how the lack of rout maps in Crimson Flower never gets brought up; "Hoshido never helped Nohr with their famine", we don't actually know what sort of relation the two nations had prior to Sumeragi's death, and after that Hoshido naturally wouldn't be helping Nohr with anything; and also "Hoshido is isolationist and that's bad" though I don't recall any evidence of it being that.

Takumi has heavy darkness within his heart, hence why he's able to be warped by Anankos.

The bit about his beloved stepmother (rip Ikona again, gotta make sure the player can bang their siblings) dying in a shocking tragedy, his kingdom getting steamrolled thanks to Corrin, losing both his beloved retainers thanks to Corrin, and his beloved little sister (Sakura's one of the only people he's completely friendly with, they're pretty cute together) getting captured by a Kingdom of vicious murderers had nothing to do with it.

Nah, it was because he had darkness in his heart, kinda like Riku, y'know?

The Japanese version of his solo ending even says that seeing the good in people after peace is attained was able to suppress that darkness.

Whatever, I'll take Xeno's word for it, I can't confirm or deny that one.

And Elise is constantly compared to being a light in a kingdom of darkness.

I think that only comes up once, when she's first introduced?

Plus, those two are also parallels to each other in terms of story roles (alongside being opposites of Leo and Sakura as well of course), given how both were pushed to death through no fault of their own, and were suffering through external circumstances! Takumi gets corrupted through his existing hatred, and Elise gets depressed when the light of her life-her family-is dimming.

Do they really work as parallels, though? Takumi ends up at his worst on the route opposite the one where he's playable, while Elise just ends up the same as always. Now if she was the final boss of Birthright, that'd totally work. And also it'd be fucking incredible, imagine that shit! Like if she went full zealot somehow and became some sort of light-based evil? I dunno how that'd work, though.

Either way, I don't really see how Takumi and Elise are foils when the only thing connecting them is they fuckin' die and both get sick.

Like... aren't these things worthy of discussion?

Well, it's just really shallow and not terribly interesting. It'd be like pointing out how the Tales of series so often references the big four elements and acting like that's depth, when it's really just recurring series trappings.

I honestly think that people don't talk about them because they have the notion that Fates' writing is bad, so there must be nothing deeper.

Well you sure aren't going to convince people of this by hiding in a little hole on Tumblr, Xeno. Oh, but we know why you hide: you make a fool of yourself whenever you try to argue points elsewhere.

No! Execution of a story can fuck things up greatly, and the fact that some are unwilling to even admit that? Makes me sad.

Admit what, that execution of a story can fuck things up greatly? I don't think anyone's doubting that. In fact, from what I've seen generally people agree that Fates had an interesting idea, it just wasn't executed very well.

Though honestly that last line just reads like "why can't they all admit that I'm right and they're wrong?" which is depressingly common from Xeno's crowd on tumblr...

[3416]

I'm a massive Nylander fan - but I gotta say I am really disappointed as he just seems to consistently feed the discourse surrounding him. We know how many gears he has yet he only seems to engage them when he wants. I don't know - I've tried and tried to see it from all angles but I am just a little bitter this morning. I'll get over it. It's not all on him but fuck, it's frustrating loving him but looking at him objectively too. I'm sorry - I just needed a place to say this... the one thought that keeps bouncing around in my head is how Craig Berube saying William doesn't want him to talk to him (and yes, maybe is was meant facetiously at the time) - isn't going to age well...especially after the comment that part of the faliure last night - and I'm paraphrasing - not everyone bought into what was needed. Anyway, love your blog. Thanks for giving me and others a safe place to say what's on their minds.

HI THERE... so sorry to trash on your guy, i really don't dislike willy at all personally, but the shift in perception about him at the expense of mitch is insane to me. like i know toronto will always have a scapegoat, but willy's been in the clear on that for a good like.... 5 years atp bc he was outperforming the end of his last contract. i've always had minor beef with his game bc i think it's like the definition of individual glory in some ways, which can be great and shiny and wonderful when it works out for you but also......

that doesn't mean he's a bad person or whatnot, and i don't think he's exactly lazy. but like idk why people are okay accepting the "he just has it some games and others he doesn't" idea abt him to write off his mishaps. i don't know what it is. bc he just straight up cannot commit to defense lots of games. like he doesn't value that... his whole thing being breakaways is like.... the definition of abandoning coverage for a hope play, LOL, and it requires its own kind of gift for that but how often has that also resulted in someone having to cover for him.... i'm glad it's worked out for us during the regular season, but he failed basically every attempt this second round bc the goaltending elevates. i think there's room to enjoy that about him and also recognize like... when people talk about players on stanley cup winning teams buying into the same type of game, that involving the checking and the blocking shots and the ugly not-flashy stuff and he does not do that sort of thing consistently at all. and because the media coverage has shifted, anything the coach says about willy is like 'haha ! he doesn't care, he's built for this (the bright lights and pressure we now pretend is not a real thing at all) !' but seriously... if the "he doesn't even hear ME" happened about mitch or auston... i actually can't imagine. they face SO much more scrutiny.

anyway, none of this is a judgment of him as a person bc he's silly and fun and i get the appeal, but i find the whole 'at least SOMEONE embraces the bright lights' bc he like. loves living in toronto (as they all do and have expressed) and has had a couple big moments offensively (but not consistently lmfao) soooo silly. when i see people say he should be leadership on our team, i just laugh a little bit bc like. you can be liked in the locker room without taking on a role like that. did he answer to the media last night, quick question? if he did, would he have had anything thoughtful or composed to say bc all he does is give one liners and nothing sincere. again, i'm never questioning these guys effort levels as hockey players. they all play different styles of game... i just think the praise about him being some mega star in the playoffs and caring more than everyone else is absolute bullshit, and i hope it stops after this run. he gets to bark on the bench in a blow out game at people (who go on to score a goal in that game too lol) when he himself doesnt show up and it gets memed to hell and used as proof of his leadership and passion but mitch does it and the overall take from the entire media is that he's childish for that and it's unwarranted? after there were just articles about him never showing emotion out there? you actually cannot win with the media (and in turn the fans who eat it up and process it as fact). who knows if the scapegoat role will ever flip and turn on willy again, but rn i'm tired of how things are talked about. so much of the praise about him is the result of an overcorrection as an attempt to shit on mitch, and when willy ultimately can't come through or his weaknesses show, it's crickets lately after all the aggrandization. it's hypocritical.

[inchidentally]

https://www(.)autosport(.)com/f1/news/stella-singles-out-exceptional-japan-f1-podium-as-piastris-2023-highlight-/10559510/

I think you've posted about Andrea Stella's relationships with Lando and Oscar before and I've been thinking about this and just needed to share my thoughts with someone.

when Oscar talks about his best weekends, its always Qatar where he felt like he really maximized his result and SIlverstone which he talks about as one of his most complete performances despite missing that podium.

When it comes to Japan and his first podium, it's like he's happy with the result and what that meant for the team, but it's not actually a weekend he reflects on super positively in terms of his race. I feel like he's never the one bringing it up, it's always like a reporter being like "and Japan?" and he's just like "yeah I guess that was nice too", but he doesn't really talk about it as a personal highlight (even though I'm sure he isn't like... upset over it, just not a performace he rates as his strongest).

all that to say I love that Andrea actually picks out his qualifying performace there as a highlight of his season, because it was! it just feels really subtlely supportive of him to bring up a moment that Oscar doesn't really talk about himself, and kind of got lost in all the comparisons or race pace between him and Lando.

idk i just needed to tell someone this lol

oh anon and I am so glad you shared it with me bc I wanna go offfff

truly this quote is the kind of thing I could see making Oscar feel emotional about and puff up with pride. it's the sort of meticulous score card that his big brained A-levels overachieving ass must eat up with a spoon:

"In terms of speed, in terms of capacity to learn very rapidly, in terms of collaborating with his engineers and extracting the information that he needs to grow so rapidly, in terms of his own awareness of where he is in the various stages to go from: ‘I know nothing about this track, first time in a Formula 1 car' to being P2 on the grid. And also the way he keeps himself calm, controlled – therefore always capitalising on his potential because he doesn’t create any unnecessary stress - that’s quite exceptional. And I can see why he was so successful in junior categories."

and god, the stern but loving dad role Andrea has taken with Lando and Oscar. especially when you think from Oscar's perspective how he was coming into a team fresh off of a dramatic court case and filling a seat that everyone - including Lando - was still deep in mourning over. from what I remember Oscar's "promo" by McLaren was more like something they'd do to announce a new reserve driver rather than Lando's new teammate. especially considering the weeks of emotionally overwrought posts and content about Daniel leaving. I'm guessing a lot of that had to do with trying to mitigate the comment sections turning rancid on any Oscar content (and I'm being generous saying that). but there was exceptionally low fanfare attending Oscar's arrival, especially considering him having such a scorching record coming up to F1.

so for someone like Andrea to come into his new role and choose to watch Oscar so closely when Oscar was honestly sort of - either ignored or still hated bc of Daniel and Alpine - during those races before Silverstone has come good in the huge revolution of public opinion about Oscar. Lando was already comfortably at home and only needed a little managing. side note I love how many times in challenges Lando would pretend to pout and say "Andrea said there has to be balance and fairness between teammates sooooo" akgfkasgs he had Lando's number already <3

but for all that Oscar has been a trooper about having to kind of operate without the kind of consistent found family that Lando has and dealt with the press and DTS dutch angle drama interviews in such a mature way idk. I feel like sometimes Oscar sees himself as only existing as one of the drivers once he's actually in the car. he's never found that footing of becoming one of the F1 personalities the way that even Logan has (thank you Williams and thank you Alex).

a lot of the time you could confuse Oscar's presence in the garage and the paddock with another engineer. and tbh when you consider how much of an online meme he was in F2 and F3 and how strong his twitter game was it definitely feels like he's intentionally suppressing his personality to maybe ? just get through his rookie F1 season with as little drama as possible. I've gone on and on and on abt how Prema Oscar would have made the perfect fan favorite dynamic with Lando the same way he was with Arthur or Robert. but Oscar's personality has only come out on camera a few times and otherwise he just watches Lando or stiffly gets through his own parts.

that's why I had to compile these instances of Andrea seeking Oscar out and being so incredibly tender with him. Lando is the always beloved child at McLaren and he absolutely earned that. but he was also definitely thrown by Oscar choosing to go so quiet and under the radar - I don't think in a bad way, but I will be interested to see the clips from DTS that haven't been chopped to hell so we can get a better glimpse of that.

but someone in higher authority than Lando needed to go out of their way to regularly remind Oscar that yes, he's One of The Big Boys and yes, McLaren is his home now. he has as much right as the rest of the drivers all feel to stand up and ask for what they want and speak for themselves and even cause a little trouble if they feel they need to. an F1 grid are always drama queens to some degree because they're basically the lead singers of a band. they had to as Lando rightly said "be fairly selfish" to get to their rarefied position. not that they're bad people at all, just that they have to treat themselves as of utmost importance in order to achieve the performance and mentality to even get a shot at F1. but not only is Oscar not naturally like that (his forms of self-care involve sleep and seeing friends lol) he certainly wasn't going to stir things up anymore than he already had.

but! what Oscar does have is incredible courage, unflappable calm and towering competitiveness. like I said once he gets in the car his focused self-belief overtakes everything else. the amount of times his rookie season it was down solely to the car or to other drivers that resulted in taking him out of a race or knocking him down the grid as opposed to pure rookie error or personal mistakes is amazing. and guess who said that back in August:

"For us being in this journey with Oscar, it makes it even more exciting, because it was very clear right from the start – the level of talent.

“Even the analytical behaviour, looking at things, trying to learn, and at the same time always remaining very calm. He is able to absorb things, execute things, always staying very calm, which I think is a strong point of Oscar.”

and guess who gives us some of the best insights to the kind of driver Oscar is when no one else can? (apart from sexy daddy Mark ofc)

“I think the quality which, if you want, maybe one of the key enablers [of] why he can grow so rapidly is just the man beyond the driver,” Stella told GP Blog. “He’s so calm. He’s so good at keeping himself in a status in which he can use the best of his talent.

“I don’t have that quality, I have to think very actively about ‘What am I thinking? What are my emotions?’ I have to think about my psychology to actively keep myself in the most productive state. For Oscar, this seems to come quite naturally. That’s the main enabler.

“I think he, potentially, has a natural gift. Or, maybe he worked throughout his young career through that. I don’t know. But, certainly, he’s remarkable. And even when I’ve seen great drivers currently or in the past, all of them sort of sometimes underperformed because they don’t stay in the status in which they give their best. I think, for Oscar, this is quite natural.”

oh and guess who also tells us the most about the fact that Lando has taken his role as established driver and leader seriously wrt Oscar and how well they've complemented each other?

“So Lando can say ���ok, we can do this in this corner’, and so on. And likewise, obviously, for Oscar with Lando. The second element, which is remarkable this year, is how similar the comments are between the two drivers.

“And this is not only in the off-line debriefings, but it's also when the drivers come back after they run the first run during a session. They actually use the same terminology, like it looks like they are in communication before reporting their feedback.”

papa is giving his boys their props!! they did him proud and he's not going to hold back on telling the world!

and I even love how Lando and Oscar both choose Silverstone without any hesitation as their favorite race of 2023 and that Lando said how much Oscar deserved to be up there with him. that's exactly what Andrea had instilled in them and shows his values have fully sunk in.

you're absolutely right anon, we should never forget that Andrea is the one who went to Oscar when Oscar needed it and that Andrea established the team culture that has let someone like Oscar thrive at the same time as someone so different from him like Lando.

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articles sourced:

[hydropotato]

The big 200!

200 days of Warframe! That's genuinely wild to me. I guess since I do have autism, I could call it my hyperfixation. But really, it's just a great game. So chock-full of things to do, lots of replayable content.

I really think this game deserves recognition. I've not played it all these years, only really heard it now and then. As somebody who has played a huge variety of games, Warframe has really been an eye-opener. It's not perfect, but I don't think any of us can confidently say any game this massive is perfect.

A certain FPS changed their business model drastically to demand money from their players to get cosmetics, with free content being far more limited. A certain gacha game kept me farming for items to improve my characters, with so many stages of RNG and no way to guarantee good stats. Warframe doesn't make those glaring mistakes. Want cosmetics? There's lots to obtain for free, and the premium currency is obtainable via trading with other players for stuff they might want. Want a good build? Stat bonuses come from mods; each is individually configurable, and mods are obtained from doing missions which grants loads of other resources. I absolutely love the fact that you can play the game for the sake of playing, and you get rewarded, as compared to playing and playing just to get a reward.

Also,

I made a second account! Yep, I like this game that much. I gave my 2nd account Xaku Prime just to get things started, but moving forward I'm hoping to have it be a sort of loot/defence complement. Think a Nekros with Desecrate, while my main runs Hydroid or Khora. Not botting, no macros, just having two games open at my desk. And I'd keep this in closed lobbies so that others don't have to deal with me taking turns between the two accounts.

but also, having game knowledge really helps. I managed to complete the Endurance trial with Xaku using Fast Deflection, Vigilante Vigor, and Arcane Aegis.This trial requires you to stand in the centre of a ring of lasers beaming at you. If you survive, you get this special Exilus mod that increases max energy and parkour velocity. Real handy. Basically, my shield gating and shield regenerating was consistent and rapid enough to negate the laser damage. Did not actually think it would work that well.

Back to my main:

Made a silly little Kitgun. You see, it's named after Eleanor because her kit inflicts Radiation procs as well... and uhm, nothing else... definitelynotthefreakytentaclesandthefactthatifshehadagockitwouldprobablybetentacular,NotToBeAHomestuckOrAnythingbutyouknow..

anywhosers. It's a genuinely strong gun as well! Super fun. Its damage ramp-up doesn't really require kills too heavily which makes it comfortable to play with.

Anyways, to celebrate 200 days of Warframe, DE released the Rhino Heirloom skin! No, they didn't. Well they did release it, but they didn't know it was my day 200. Maybe.

The first one was because,, yeah I mean it's my default when I don't know what colour scheme to use. I'm trans, I might as well use it. It's also a cute colour scheme anyways.

The second one was a little more up my alley. Sleek, and the Citrine Noble Animation makes him look kinda sassy. Honestly, his Heirloom skin has so many bells and whistles that it's hard to add attachments to it, which isn't that bad since it's rather complete on its own. Also, I really like purple and black.

Also, I need to get screenshots of Belly of the Beast's mission. Or footage. Cos I absolutely adore the interactions between Ordis and Parvos Granum. My favourite has got to be Parvos asking Ordis is he longs to join the Operator in the bloodbath and slaughter going on through the mission. Ordis replies that Parvos has been in the void for a very long time, and to seek medical attention. Basically "take your meds, Grandpa". Love that.

I think I'll conclude this post for now. I've played Warframe for 100 days, and then 200 days. I wouldn't be surprised if day 300 arrived before I myself had realised that many days had passed. It really is a great game to pass time. It doesn't demand that you stay in the house, it simply leaves some aromatic kibble at the door for you to snack on (assuming, within this metaphor, that you are a stray cat or dog). I'm definitely playing this game more.

P.S. Thinking of being casual... They really need to rework Wukong. Make his playstyle less hasty. People are playing him to minimise playing the game. That feels like a waste to me.