#but it's my fault for being ill. of course
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reallife6anoufriev6boy6 Ā· 1 day ago
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waves!!!! could i please request an agere ā€œsnow dayā€ (CG) Nikita and (Little) Artyom moodboard??
thank you for your time whether you do this or not and have a great [timezone]!! šŸ«¶
caregiver! nikita + little!artyom snowday stimboard
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YESS!!!! i NEED more cg + little requests with any of my boys this makes me SO happy!!!!
also i realized you said MOODboard right after i already put this together so im super sorry about that! my fault for not reading properlyā€¦.ill make a moodboard version if i remember!
i didnt get to add them, but snow leopards always make me think of artyom and this board made me remember that (my furry version of him is a snow leopard/lynx hehe)
i think being outside would be good for both of them because nikita needs to see some damn sunlight and artyom needs to touch some damn snow (HEADCANON of mine that he doesnā€™t particularly like certain outside things)
i have no idea whos idea it would be to go out there first, but i think it would just be them whining back and forth and then somehow ending up outside
i also just want them to shove each other in the snow - particularly wanting artyom to shove nikita in there and for them to play fight and such,,, trust itd be so cute hehehe
he would also let him wear his coat if he gets too cold even with the stuff he has onā€¦.he can cope with the cold and sacrifice his jacket smh.
once they get too cold and wet though they would totally go back in and get a warm shower - nikita would make sure he gets all cleaned and warmed up before he takes care of himself.
they would also (of course, like always) get cuddled in bed together after and i think artyom would wear nikitas purgen hoodie (in this particular scenario just pretend he wasnt wearing it outside) because he thinks its super comfy. he always keeps that specific hoodie washed and cleaned because of that.
artyom would also totally be embarrassed to even do this and be this way in private, but he secretly really likes when nikita takes care of him like that. i think hed also he pretty bratty for a little, but like also super clingy.
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bisexualastronaut Ā· 1 month ago
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#girl who is overstimulated by people walking up the stairs: 'can't wait to go to this big hall filled with hundreds of people#and music blaring so loud you have to yell in someone's ear to get them to hear you#and i'm ill. three days before freshers and i'm ill. what if i ****** *** *** ******* **** ********#and the outfit i have to wear is sleeveless so i will be even more ill tomorrow#i literally told my mother please don't get me ill so ofc she proceeds to cough on me and grab hold of me like a fucking koala#and i can't even be visibly upset or she's gonna yell even more and i'm gonna get even more overstimulated and she's somehow gonna blame me#i literally told her and she said that it was my fault for walking around london yesterday as if it wasnt 15c outside#and i was wearing a jumper and a coat and didn't stay in the same place for more than five minutes#but it's my fault for being ill. of course#like freshers (and moving out in general) was the only thing i was looking forward to and now thats fucking ruined too#and my parents are visiting me every other weekend probably so i'm not even moving out really#probably more often if my mother gets her way#i should've gone to manch instead at least it would be an inconvenience to visit and i wouldn't have to move back every two months#i just really didn't want to be ill and now i can't even recover because we have a fucking event that i hate#and wasn't even told about until 6pm today#and my head hurts because why wouldnt it#and i'm probably gonna have another meltdown in the bathroom lol
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inkskinned Ā· 1 year ago
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it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.
i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.
it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.
#warm up#writeblr#i spent a lot of time picturing our future#how funny to think: in each version of our future#i was never myself#i was someone smarter kinder braver#better adept.#who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me#i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me#people usually talk about how we picture people as being ā€œfixableā€. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you.#it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy#the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself:#if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay.#for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing.#and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made#it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'.#a few days ago while i was doing something else#i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized .#you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly.#you said: you're doing this to manipulate me.#you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO#SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me.#i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness#you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.
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skunkes Ā· 10 months ago
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just-spacetrash Ā· 2 months ago
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šŸ˜¦
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todayisafridaynight Ā· 7 months ago
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Iā€™m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if theyā€™ve interacted before, but couldnā€™t find anything! Sorry for asking Iā€™m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh
hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]
i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..
#snap chats#//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes#might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me šŸ§ā€ā™‚ļø#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking#he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ#oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever#first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway#aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO#though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role#daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot#yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does#if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh#and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing#theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line#masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together#if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack#but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral#im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like#'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal#they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together#like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons šŸ’€šŸ’€šŸ’€šŸ’€#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid#so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/
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min3nc Ā· 9 months ago
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and i continue being the piece of shit i always am šŸ‘ i am the toxic ex, after all
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nomairuins Ā· 3 months ago
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money šŸ˜­ like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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kavehater Ā· 7 months ago
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#Thereā€™s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I donā€™t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because itā€™s rlly lonely if I donā€™t itā€™s still lonely and then if thereā€™s nobody at all itā€™s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm Iā€™m gonna krill myself šŸ˜»šŸ™#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time Iā€™m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor ā€¦ I canā€™t help but think itā€™s all my fault ā€¦ I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ā€¦.#I didnā€™t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone ā€¦#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think Iā€™m maybe somewhere high up on someoneā€™s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho Iā€™m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if Iā€™ve ever been excited for Ei#Itā€™s like Iā€™m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen donā€™t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now itā€™s just such a hassle to me because Iā€™m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. Iā€™m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldnā€™t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when Iā€™ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + Iā€™m just sick of pretending like everyone doesnā€™t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when theyā€™re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags šŸ˜»šŸ˜»šŸ˜»
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widevibratobitch Ā· 11 months ago
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#vent post vent post lalalala#i wanted to post some pictures from my weekend trip with my friends before its too late but then i saw my fucking face and now i wanna kms#like oh my god. oh my god this is really truly the face im stuck with forever and ever and ever till the day im fuckin rotting in the groun#incredible how unfair life can be lmao (<- girl who is having such incredibly superficial stupid fucking problems but is otherwise#quite privileged but of course that will never be fucking enough for her because she's soooooo fckn stupid and selfish and annoyinggg lol)#i dont know why im so obsessed with it now#like i genuinely remember KNOWING that im kinda ugly (and fat) in high school and being like 'so what lol idc'#so WHY is it such an issue now?????#idk. i just kinda wish i was dead every time i look at my face and realise there's nothing i can do to change it#i can dress in ways that will cover my ugly ass shapeless body. maybe i can even go back to my ed properly this time#and lose some weight. for a time. before i gain back twice as much and the circle begins anew lol#but my face is not gonna change no matter what i do lmao unless i fucking scrape it off with a grater or smash my head into pieces#and like. even if i do get that rhinoplasty (its not gonna change my faceshape anyway. nothing i can do to fix THAT fuckin atrocity)#every time ill look in the mirror i will only be reminded that its fake. and that my natural face was disgusting enough it had to be cut up#to be fixed somewhat.#i just wish i had ONE. just ONE nice thing about my body. literally just one its not even funny lol#and its so fucked up when you look at my mom who was so insanely fucking beautiful when she was my age. like. i cant blame her#cause how could she have known that the genes she'll pass on will not result in anything good lol but also i feel like such a failure#like its not really my fault i got the genes i got. but yknow.#anyway im tired of always being the ugliest person in any group im hanging out with. my cousins? check. my hometown friends? check.#my uni friends? my GOD check (how ARE they all so pretty and skinny??? insane).#god i wish i were dead. like fr fr. im not actively suicidal since i cant bring myself to *do* shit anyway. but i just wish i never existed
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these-detestable-hands Ā· 9 months ago
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I don't wanna be a party pooper because I really love Herlock but with the way they live, Iris is gonna grow up to resent him and likely decrease or completely cut contact after moving out
#She does a lot of the house chores and he relies on her way more than a parent should#A parent shouldn't rely on their kid at all#Maybe when the kid is an adult but Iris is TEN#At that age she should be reading fairy tales and drawing ugly drawings and going to school#Not cooking and cleaning because her guardian is too inconsistent and mentally ill to do it himself#Of course you can't blame a parent for being mentally ill but you can blame him for not reaching out and getting help to raise Iris#Obviously he can't raise her alone#He's a single parent and has a full time job plus some mental health issues#Like dude at least call in Greg to babysit her once or twice a week so you can take a break#Or ask another friend!!!#Idfk#Anyway I speak from experience#My dad is doing badly so I often have to cook and clean because he can't#And it's only partially his fault that he's like this#But I still resent him and I want to cut contact#It wouldn't be unrealistic for Iris to want the same when she gets old enough to realize how unhealthy her relationship with Sholmes is#It's good that Ryunosuke and Susato live with them#And Iris has a friend like Gina who cares about her deeply and helps her sometimes#But that's RECENT#Sholmes has had custody of Iris for as long as she can remember#And with how they both talk about it then this way of living is normal for them#PLEASE get another adult to live with you and take care of Iris you mess of a man!!!!#I have an au I need to make on this subject#To explore the characters but also to vent some of my resentment towards my own dad#Proof reading the tags and I wanna add something#Iris still cooks when Ryu and Susato move in#So they don't do much to lessen the load on her#But add to it because she has to cook for two more people#pie won't shut up#asexual attorneys
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sammyloomis Ā· 1 year ago
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developing what seems to be a cold at the same time as this tooth thing is Just what i needed, very cool very dope
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dirtbra1n Ā· 2 years ago
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three of my five top songs for the spotify wrapped are songs associated with masato with my brain No one look at me for a little while
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altruistic-meme Ā· 1 year ago
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currently feeling very djajfjjsjfjjs grrrrr at my apartment people >:(
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stepfordgoth Ā· 2 years ago
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Nothing worse than feeling a cold come on on a Friday afternoon, and by Friday evening you're annoyed with a headache wondering why everyone around you is so loud and energetic and by Friday night you're full blown sick in bed šŸ˜®ā€šŸ’Ø
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david-watts Ā· 2 years ago
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today Iā€™m going to be angry about past decisions
#hm! fucking hate that if I want something I have to get it myself because my fucking family has an idea of me that is incongruous#to my actual self!#should've fucking FOUGHT the decision to move me from one class to the other. both times.#but no I was beholden to expectations#and of course everyone else feels like they get better opportunities than me#it's not always about not taking the opportunities presented because sometimes the only opportunities you get fucking Suck#'oh you should've taken more *~opportunities~* in high school' yeah ok I made the choice to not get bullied more when I could actually#and of course there's always when the special opportunities they went on and fucking on about getting pulled out from under you#I hate the word opportunity now fuck this#I feel like I am behind everyone else#and that I missed out on the years where I. had the actual ABILITY to learn new thing#things#yeah ok I'm just fucking triggered because I can literally HEAR people way younger than me getting way better treatment#at the hands of that stupid fucking school#it is my fault. but also if they weren't fucking LIKE THAT THE WHOLE TIME#I know it was like. inevitable. since everyone I was held to the expectations of had either a head start got to do what they actually wanted#and DIDN'T start developing severe mental illnesses that prevented me from functioning#but I still fucking hate them all! I didn't ask for special treatment I asked solely to be treated equitably#I feel like I wasted half of my childhood and of course I DIDN'T GET THE OTHER HALF#you won't get the other half when you're being pursued by the government as a way of getting at your parents#I do actually like. want to be better at stuff. but NO I HAVE to feel inadequate
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