#but it's also really important to me personally because i hold the belief that anyone can change

[all-that-jazz-93]

Would anybody be interested in a Frank Burns redemption AU

[kathrkive]

six hundred strike somehow wrapped up every characterization in epic!

or maybe this is just me wanting to yap + justifying the song's ending because i liked it so much and it somehow just... made sense for epic?

here's the thing: i think it's important to note certain factors when it comes to understanding media, and with epic, it's to note that (1) jay took creative liberties, (2) he's focused more on characterizations specifically odysseus', and (3) it's greek myth HUEBCDBEHDB HEAR ME OUT

the concept album evidently holds the theme of ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves, and it's crucial for odysseus and poseidon's characterizations. let's start with ody!

despite epic consistently following the story of homer's the odyssey, if we try viewing the concept album as an independent media, it's evident that the story is driven by ody's morals and decisions. the sagas exist because his character does something that drives the story forward, and that makes the entire story character-driven. with that, together with this media's theme, ody's reaction to poseidon's "vengeance" quite makes sense!

this man has been outsmarting everyone from the very start, and that's homer's intent with his epic—to teach lessons of not trying to mess with the gods. odysseus in the odyssey was a mere tool of providing moral lessons, why epic!odysseus is otherwise as it's evident that jay focuses on his growth as a person. him ending up beating the shit out of poseidon after twenty years of just wanting to go home by the end of the song establishes who he really is: from a man to a monster.

such reaction also establishes jay's intent of epic!ody becoming more humane, in a sense. finally reaching his last straw and breaking apart by being physical with a god instead of trying to outsmart his way out of the situation again makes sense because with ithaca being rows away? he's emotional—he's had enough, and he just wants to get it over with. how? by being the monster that poseidon wanted him to be.

now with poseidon! things such as "poseidon is a god, there's no way odysseus could do that to him" or "what ody just did would just anger him further" are thoughts that actually entered my mind upon listening to the song, but after focusing solely on poseidon's character, there might be a way out of those arguments.

do note that jay takes creative liberties! which means that upon withholding the trident especially with knowing how the trident has its own power, it could've given odysseus strength to actually yield it and hurt poseidon with it. the trident is a powerful symbol—just like with zeus' lightning bolt, poseidon's trident is powerful enough to impale a god. so yes, it is quite possible for odysseus to do that with the trident. with anything else? i don't think so.

also, ody managed to use poseidon's storms against him, and those storms are obviously powerful enough to drive someone's path away from their actual post. consider the god exhausted—he's immortal, not invincible.

with regards to odysseus angering the god, oh trust me, he will be angry. his reputation is wiped off, and imagine being the god whose name is associated with defeat over a mortal? the god will be mad, but in a sense, poseidon could (or maybe should) understand what odysseus had done.

from his very first song, poseidon is already very assertive of his point: ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves. the statement itself is passive, which indicates assertion and topicalization on the point of ruthlessness. basically it just means that he really doesn't care about anything—he just wants his point to come across, and he doesn't like that anyone goes against such belief. odysseus, as a man, does go against it, and he dislikes it. that just means that the sea god would never stop being angry unless the man learns his lesson.

and he does! the student showcases his knowledge by being physical instead of just trying to outsmart him because outsmarting your way out of a situation could just mean cowardice for the god. odysseus proves him otherwise. which is why, poseidon's alright does not really state his acceptance of defeat, but rather him understanding that he got his point across the mortal's mind. it's like a i get it now go home and give me back my trident you impudent prick i'll get back to you when you piss me off again ahh response

he'll definitely find a way to shit on him again, but with his point being learned? he can stop for now

all i can say is jay made this entire concept album BEAUTIFULLY and i admire him for that. to more character-driven stories!

(please be kind i wear my heart upon my sleeves english isn't my first language don't make me cry)

[babyangelsky]

Faith as a love language and why I want Ju Yeong to give Do Hoe his cross necklace

Let me preface this by saying that one, my interpretations are drawn heavily from my own personal experience as well as the culture I was raised in and two, that this is going to be very rambly and maybe not make a whole lot of sense to anyone but me. But @respectthepetty encouraged me to get this out of my brain so here we are.

In order to explain what I mean in the title of this post and actually get into the meat of it, there's two other things I need explain first. There are layers to this so please bear with me.

The first thing is that I am not and have never really been a practicing Catholic. I believe in god and have a very loose, very personal system of spiritual belief but I am not religious. My grandmother is Catholic however, a very devout one, and since she helped to raise me I would say I was partially raised Catholic. Emphasis on the partially because my beautiful mother in her infinite wisdom (and due entirely to her own religious trauma) felt it was important to give me a choice on the matter and figure out my faith for myself, which I love her dearly for.

(She also once infamously refused to kiss the ring of the local very important priest in the village she grew up in which is one of my favorite things about her)

However, I've learned that even if you are given a choice on whether or not religion will play any part in your life, that does not save you from developing religious trauma. Especially if you also happen to be queer and especially if you don't adhere dogmatically to the widely accepted--and arbitrary--set of rules that determine whether you are considered a "good (insert faith here)".

The second thing has to do with cross necklaces and why being given one is a very specific loving gesture.

I lived in Mexico for a while a couple of years ago. On the day that I was due to come back to the States, my grandma gave me a cross necklace. She didn't just give me a cross necklace, she gave me her necklace that had been custom made for her. She wanted me to have a safe flight and get home in one piece so she gave it to me.

I have worn that necklace every single day for the past two years. If I happen to wear another necklace for outfit reasons, I put my cross in my pocket. It's always around my neck or on my body. Always. And the thing is, I don't wear it to signify my belief god.

In the broader sense of faith and what it means to people, giving someone a necklace like that holds a lot of weight. Taking something off of your body, your 'self', that you trust to keep you safe and that represents your faith and your beliefs and then putting it on someone you love to keep them safe is such a visceral expression of love. It becomes a symbol of faith in a different way.

As I've established, I'm not devout like my grandma is. The necklace doesn't represent to me what it does to her. I wear it because doing so makes me feel loved and safe because she gave it to me, not because I have faith of my own.

Now, having said allllll of that.

Ju Yeong's cross necklace has been established to primarily represent not his faith, but his family's expectations. Expectations that he hasn't lived up to and that have turned that cross into a heavy symbol of his failure that keeps him shackled at all times except when he chooses to take it off. And when he chooses to take it off matters.

He took it off when he confessed to Do Hoe and again when he slept with him because in those moments he wants to be free of that burden, free of those expectations, free to just love Do Hoe without having to think about anything else. Not even god.

Because even if the necklace isn't primarily a symbol of Ju Yeong's faith, it still is a symbol of his faith or rather, the faith that he had no choice but to adhere to when he became a pastor's son. That's what makes Do Hoe misunderstand what it means for Ju Yeong to take it off when he's with him. He interprets it as Ju Yeong being ashamed, as wanting to hide his sin, as only allowing himself to love Do Hoe when god isn't watching. He's wrong, of course, but he doesn't know that. Yet. (Petty explained it better go read that post)

We haven't really gotten into Ju Yeong's relationship with his faith and with only two episodes left I don't think we will, and that's a shame because I think recontextualizing what the necklace means to him and what his faith means to him would help him heal.

(Which is something I believe anyone who has religious trauma should do at some point in their life, especially if they're queer. Religion is so often weaponized against people and something that's used to make them feel inadequate and ashamed and like they aren't allowed to draw comfort from it unless they fall in line with what it asks of them. We always think of it being used that way specifically against queer people but that isn't always the case. I'm not out to my family and I once had a relative look me in the eyes and tell me I was going to hell for not going to mass.)

Really it would help both of them heal because even though Do Hoe wasn't the one with the religious upbringing, the necklace is still making him feel the same sort of inadequacy and shame he thinks Ju Yeong feels.

Which is why I want Ju Yeong to give Do Hoe his cross necklace.

Recontextualizing what it means, allowing it to be a symbol of his faith and nothing more, and making the conscious decision to take it off of his body and put it on Do Hoe so Do Hoe knows that he's loved without shame would mean everything to me personally.

Faith is a love language. It's why Mexican mothers pin medals with the Virgin of Guadalupe on them to their newborns' onesies, why parents choose auspicious names for their babies, why the very first prayer Christian and Catholic children are taught is the guardian angel prayer, why grandmothers do the sign of the cross over their children and grandchildren and end every conversation with "que dios te acompañe", and why we put crosses on the people we love.

[thesensteawitch]

MESSAGE FROM YOUR HIGHER SELF 🍀💫

Pick A Pile Reading

(Left To Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hello, Senstea Souls! 🩷

I am back with another collective reading! Take a deep breath and pick a pile intuitively.

In case you wish to book a personal tarot reading with me feel free to DM me on Tumblr.

I am sharing the links to my rate card and booking form below:

🌷 Rate Card

🌷 Booking Form

Here is your reading:

Pile 1

Hello, my beautiful pile 1. Your cards came out in pairs. What I felt instantly was that your higher self is talking about two paths. So I thought maybe you've got two paths in front of you, and the one you choose will define who you become. But reading more into the cards, I realized that one path leads you to your future and the other to your past. So take how it resonates for you, pile 1. For the very first time, it seems you're seeing someone in a totally different light. You're surprised. How could you overlook this person's great qualities? Your higher self is asking you to heal the past by being loving toward yourself and toward someone else. Your past is not holding you back at all, you are. So to move forward, you must learn to handle your emotions. Perhaps that was your lesson that you needed to learn from the path of the past. It seems that you've done enough for the people around you. It's time you start doing things for yourself. You were so attached to being a good friend, son/daughter, father, mother, or partner that you forgot yourself in the process. Your higher self wants you to release the past with love and forgiveness.

Now moving toward the second path, which is toward your future, I see that some people are coming in the way. This is what your higher self wants to say to you: “My love, it's time that we start pursuing our dreams. It's time to search for our inner artist. Create something of your own. You may think what you want may be impossible, but I am asking you to believe in the impossible. This full moon shows your first artwork to the world. Don't dim your light. You have all the things you need to get started. With one strech of a hand, you can grab a star. Trust me, it just seems worlds apart, but truly it's not. Ask yourself: What are you afraid of? Where does your resistance come from? Someone has always been there for you, supports you, and is rooting for you. They too are transitioning with you. They are practically rowing the boat. And if you can't think of anyone, then know that the universe is rowing your boat. You've got your loved ones with you. SHOW THE WORLD THE REAL YOU. “The Hymn Of The Weekend” is your channeled song. The moment you launch your project, you will enter a new chapter of your life! Hunt down your fears and desires before the next full moon. And show everybody your talent.” If someone here wants to use a stage name, spirit is saying you're free to do so unless you're ready to reveal the artist behind the art.

Pile 2

Hello, my beautiful pile 2. Your higher self is sending you so much love right now. You needed that pain to have a perspective shift. The cards are so blue. I feel those who chose this pile have cried a lot in the recent past. What you went through wasn't easy at all, but you took a stand for yourself. Your higher self is really proud of you to take the lead in a challenging situation. Your higher self wants you to take a break now. There's something that's bothering you because it seems your beliefs have been challenged, so it's time you learn and understand something from a higher perspective. When something challenging happens, it's our ego that breaks first. And it's important for it to break so that you become truly humble. Listen to a Guru or a spiritual teacher. It's time you again become the student of life. Your higher self sees your kind, loving, and protective side. But the guides are saying that you cannot save people from the lessons they are meant to learn. You can't fight God. Recently, you've also communicated what's important to you or about your pain. From next week, each passing day will heal you if you try to upgrade your knowledge and be wise. It's not the time to think you know everything; it's time to learn. Learn why certain situations happen; what's the root cause? Be compassionate toward yourself and others.

This is what your higher self is saying to you: “My love, it's time to find your emotional balance again. It was just a bad day, not a bad life. You're overthinking, trust me. Your life is going to be far better than what you think it is going to look like. In fact, there's a new start coming into your life. Before that, you must learn what this challenging situation was trying to teach you. And you cannot learn it by yourself. You need to look for the deeper wisdom from books or spiritual gurus. What's true to you may not be true to others. So don't fight with yourself. The horror is in your heart, not in your life. Respect the differences. By the next new moon, if you continuously seek wisdom from the right and trusted source, you'll be out of this mental rut. Journey to your better mindset/mental state begins after 3 days.” ‘Just The Way You Are’ by Bruno Mars is the song I've channeled for you.

Pile 3

Hello, my beautiful pile 3. For how long have you been waiting for love? But what I see looking at your cards is that love has always been around you. You were blocked from it because you were not mentally ready for it. Your higher self is saying that love is selfless. It doesn't expect anything in return. There's someone in your life you misunderstood in the past (it can be anyone). Maybe you went through a tough cycle with them. For most of you, I think it was a romantic connection. Your higher self is asking you to show compassion toward yourself and work through your fears. Don't be so indicisive. There are no right or wrong decisions in life. Someone seriously has eyes only for you, pile 3. You're their dream come true. It seems that you worked really hard for this connection or on yourself, and your higher self is saying that your hard work is paying off, though you may not feel so. Your higher self is emphasizing these words: trust, choose, love, and be fearless. All along you were just running away from your patterns and your trauma that needed to be addressed.

This is what your higher self is saying to you: “You have the power to design your destiny! Do you get that? All along, you've painted your life with every stroke as per your wish! Ask yourself: What do you truly want? How can you work on your relationship with yourself and with others? If you really give it your all, you will have the kind of relationship you want. Yes, you did all you could, but there were some patterns being played from your end too in your connection. That did more damage than good. So be kind to yourself and to the other person. You're a warrior. You've come so far in your life. What you're afraid of is just in your head. You can easily defeat your shadows and rise above them. Every time given a chance, you got afraid and walked away thinking you'd done it all. But all these signs that you've been getting were leading you to this moment. You were where you were meant to be, and you're where you're supposed to be. So don't you ever think that you were on the wrong path? The obstacle in the path is the path. It just took you some time to understand the maze and find your way out of it. Open your heart and spread love. The song I am channeling for you is “Firework” by Katy Perry.”

If you're a writer, painter, or any sort of artist, you're being called to heal yourself through expression. Love and let yourself be loved, pile 3. You've built your life brick by brick, and your foundation is strong. Listen to your heart; what do you truly want? The truth is buried in the deepest corners of your heart, and the moment you'll show it in your art, you'll find it coming to the surface.

[mzminola]

This is not a perfect analogy but I am making it anyway to try to convey what being online has been like for me lately.

Seeing people say "Oh, Jews are fine, I just hate zionists!" is like seeing "Oh, women are fine, I just hate feminists!"

Zionism and feminism are both very broad socio-political movements that have changed focus over time, that ostensibly have some very basic core tenets but you really need to ask the specific person you're talking to how they personally define it to be sure.

Both have been subject to legitimate criticism, and hostile reactionary bullshit. Had waves, sub-movements, splinters, people with damn near opposite views sharing the term and people with seemingly identical views rejecting it.

You can give working, broad definitions like these:

Feminism is the belief that all people should be treated equally regardless of gender, with a focus on women's rights due to systemic oppression.

Zionism is the belief that all peoples have the right to self determination and safety, with a focus on Jewish people finding it in Israel.

You can also give different definitions! Many people give different definitions! Many people also hold these beliefs but use different names for them for various reasons.

There are self-described zionists who are jingoistic, racist, etc, and who attribute those attitudes to their zionism. Just as there are feminists who are misandrist, bio-essentialist, transphobic, homophobic, and so on, who attribute those attitudes to their feminism.

There are also incredibly selfless, compassionate activists working for positive change in the world who consider themselves zionists and feminists.

It has been very jarring to see people, who I respect, uncritically reblogging posts or headlines that use "zionists" as a stand in for "bad people", just as jarring as it would be to see them sharing things that use "feminists" that way. Especially when those posts contain easily debunked conspiracy theories that I know you'd have seen right through if the OP said "Jews" but because they said "zionists" you swallowed it whole.

I am not asking anyone to stop sharing important information, petitions, news articles, resources, and so on. I am asking you to slow down and stop spreading inflammatory language that paints a broad socio-political movement for Jewish self-determination as inherently bad. The same way I would ask you not to spread inflammatory language that paints gender equality & women's liberation as inherently bad.

If the information is important, please look for other, more neutrally worded posts. Or verify the links yourself and make a fresh post! There is no situation online in which the only way to share information must be to spread such language.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

might be a controversial/unpopular opinion but i headcanon that any classic variant of sans has some sort of superiority complex going on. maybe not exactly that, but they're some flavor of self-righteous, i guess?

OKAY LISTEN. i'm not saying sans is a bad guy or anything (i love him very much i swear). canon sans is written really well in the sense that he's intentionally very vague and mysterious so we can speculate a lot on his past and intentions throughout the story. idk, maybe my reading is completely off but sans appears to me as a lovable asshole, especially to someone who is a child (frisk). he likes playing around with frisk - yeah it's harmless but still his advice tends to be vague, especially when it comes to battle tips lmao. just imagine in-universe how terrible his advice comes off to a child.

and like, the restaurant scene. sans is intentionally acting all blithe about letting a child die on his watch, under a promise - like i know it's supposed to be a funny off-hand comment to the player, but in-universe again he addresses this to a child. it's just- lmao this guy has some problems for sure.

i think being self-righteous is just tied to his role as a judge as well. he's always 'right' in his judgement, because that's what he is. i think it's just interesting to explore that particular aspect of sans' personality, that he acts in what he thinks is right, and he's always right, isn't he? maybe that's why i tend to enjoy undertale stories where sans somewhat assumes the role of the antagonist - it creates some fantastic dynamic with people around him who it seems like he never really connects well.

~ crowshipping anon

Crow!! Yayy!!

And I honestly kinda vibe with this interpretation honestly. I haven’t completely finished playing all the Undertale games myself (curse my lack of motivation 😭), but I watched a few playthroughs here and there, and it seems like something that could make sense.

Especially when he’s given such an important position like a being a Judge, his opinions and judgements are likely taken seriously by Asgore.

And the thing is, you can also make an argument for this with our most popular classic variants; the Murder Time Trio. Murder justifies what he does as being better that he does it instead of the human, justifies it with that he will eventually stop the human.

Really, he may even argue that his current actions don’t really even go against his job as the Judge; he has judged that the human must be stopped, and he has to do it because he’s the only one who can. I’ve even seen some ideas going around that maybe he views himself as the Angel from the Prophecy, having judged that the Underground will be free by death.

Horror is the entire reason his Underground started eating humans, and he is also the reason that the Core is damaged beyond repair. He didn’t want to sacrifice himself for the Underground, and he survived the event that took his eye, yet he still judged that Undyne and Alphys had to pay for their betrayal—and in doing so he decided that the rest of the Underground would be doomed to starvation or eating people.

He decided to trick Horror Papyrus into eating human meat even though Papyrus very clearly did not want to, and Horror doesn’t seem all too guilty about it—even as Papyrus goes out of his way to prevent Horror from eating humans at his own request.

I’ve even seen around by bigger Horror/Horrortale fans than me that Horror’s reasons for starving himself may not even be entirely selfless—such as for a moral reason or wanting others to have more food than him. But rather because he views it as beneath him and he won’t go “that low.” How canon that is, im not sure, but it’s interesting.

Then meanwhile there’s Killer. He sneers at Swap and threatens to kill him if he ever attempts to compare himself to Killer again, he holds the beliefs and mindsets of his human that were taught to him very closely and looks down on anyone who views things differently with contempt—especially if they attempt to “force” him to view things differently.

Things like mercy or kindness or hesitation are seen as weakness and things to take advantage of in his mind. Even himself is not free from this nihilistic, fatalistic, violence and apathetic driven worldview—-looking down on himself in Stage 1.

He will go out of his way to prove himself and his views right, even if that means doing exactly what Chara did and coercing/provoking someone into killing, attacking, hurting, etc, either themselves, others, or even him.

This is exactly what he was supposed to be, and it’s pointless to try and change or hope for anything more than what he or anyone else deserves. He probably finds Murder’s attempts to justify his genocides absolutely ridiculous. And Horror to be absolutely hypocritical. (Which is why Color’s specific way of approaching Stage 2, wanting to show him a better life—something new—rather than trying to change or fix him, worked so well.)

[apollos-olives]

question about hamas - so, i fully support hamas' actions of liberation against israel, whatever they might be. however i feel like i can't fully support hamas, and the only reason is bc i heard they're harmful as a governing body to the palestinians in gaza. for example hamas building unnecessary expensive luxury mosques even though most gazans were against money used for that. like any other unideal goverment that can be corrupt. it would be rlly nice to hear ur opinion on the matter bc you seem to be rlly knowledgeable, and hear if I'm actually completely off the mark lol. thank you and have a pleasant week.

i mean, to be completely honest, i don't really care about hamas. and honestly if anyone thinks this whole thing is still about hamas and not about israel committing as many atrocities as possible, then tbh they're extremely ignorant. not to say you're ignorant, anon, and your ask is totally understandable, it's just i really don't care about hamas. i support them as a freedom fighter group, but other than that i don't pay attention to them or what they do. obviously most governments around the middle east are extremely corrupt, but i don't keep up with what hamas does. i'm sure it's done things that gazans haven't liked and it's done things that gazans have liked, but it's not like any other government doesn't do that either. holding hamas to a higher standard than other governments who do the exact same thing is... well that's not great, tbh. is hamas perfect? no ofc not. but just because they've done unfavorable things doesn't mean they should be condemned more than any other sort of government in the world who has done unfavorable things as well. either condemn them all or condemn none of them. and i lean on the side of "condemn them all", but currently i'm not focused on that. i'm not focused on hamas, i'm focused on saving palestine first. we can deal with hamas and dismantling the corruption within the entirety of palestine later, but we need to pay more attention to saving palestinian lives and dismantling israel as a genocidal illegal settler colonial state. our first priority is supporting groups and fighters who are challenging the illegal settler state, even when it includes hamas. if we take too much time "umm"-ing and "err"-ing over whether or not we should support hamas over one of their actions vs another, we're never going to get anywhere.

and honestly? you don't have to support hamas as a whole. many palestinians have controversial opinions over hamas. my parents hate them to bits but they still appreciate that they're fighting for us. i like them and support their goals to liberate palestine, but in general i don't care about or for them on anything else. palestinians have different opinions and that's totally fine. so it's okay if you don't support hamas as a group and as a whole because of it's policies or beliefs. as long as you are standing with palestine and standing with our freedom fighters, you're fine. no one is gonna judge you.

but i'd recommend to not focus on hamas or let people know your opinions about them, because that's not the priority. the priority is to free palestine. we need to stop talking about hamas so much and focus on helping those who are suffering. if we keep things focused on hamas, we are going to distract ourselves from our goals. israel WANTS you to keep talking about hamas. israel WANTS you to question their policies and actions. israel WANTS you to take time away from focusing on those in need to focus on something less important. that's why i hardly even talk about hamas on my blog. because it's not about hamas. it's about a free palestine.

i hope this helps. also, could you link me some of the info about hamas and the whole mosque thing?? or anything else you're not sure about? i'd like to read up on things like that, and make sure that isn't fake news or propaganda, because i personally have never heard of anything like that. thank you

[whateverthedragonswant]

I'm finishing up my rewatch of season 3 of The Boys before I begin my SPN rewatch (got 2 more episodes left) and watching Jensen's performance as Soldier Boy just absolutely floors me.

It floors me because I've seen antis time and time again claim that Soldier Boy/Ben was essentially Dean in a superhero suit, that Jensen has one note acting, that he watered down the character by refusing to do scenes that made him uncomfortable (especially by one anti blog in particular who claims to be an acting expert, you know the one), and that his acting is very bland.

But in studying his performance because I'm studying the character (for writing purposes), these people couldn't be more wrong. I will admit that the only time I got a semi-Dean vibe from him was during the scene where Soldier Boy tells Butcher about his father. Which doesn't surprise me because Jensen himself said he leaned into the Dean/John dynamic for that scene.

But otherwise, I don't see anywhere where their claims hold any water. I mean, have you actually watched his scenes?

This scene is so important. Annie is getting ready to face off with this guy and even though she knows he's dangerous (after seeing he results of one of his explosions up close and personal), but she has no idea how dangerous, not really. This isn't Dean. This isn't Beau. This is the dangerous side of Solider Boy and had Hughie not intervened, there's a good possibility shit would have gone even more sideways. Especially, with Ben coming off of the confrontation with Countess, her hitting him where it hurts the most (meaning she tapped into one of his biggest insecurities. That explosion wasn't an accident (like NYC or even at Herogasm with the Twins). Ben didn't black out here. That's shown to us by there being no Russian trigger, despite him learning that Countess and his team handed him over back in 1984 and didn't even get paid for it.

I mean, look at this expression right here. His body is moving but his eyes don't. He's getting into position, ready to take out the next threat. Only when Hughie steps in and Annie's eyes dim does he step away, assessing her as not a threat. This is the weapon that is deadly enough to take on Homelander and no matter where you stand on Jensen as an actor, he pulls it off here.

The physicality he utilized in this role speaks volumes. And it's not about Soldier Boy being a Supe or being in a suit or having to look pissed off all the time (minus the few times he's amused). It has to do with how he embodies that character, carries him, and if he pulls it off. Spoiler alert: he did.

This scene exemplifies exactly what I'm talking about. I have watched it countless times and this part of it always sticks out to me every single time. Look at that expression, look at the eyes. Ben is not going all out to sell this belief let's call it to Hughie. He's giving him a look that says "this is the truth and you better believe it or else". He's not smiling for news cameras or doing propaganda or greeting fans of his movies decades prior. He's not selling the Soldier Boy is America's Greatest Hero image here. He's subtly threatening Hughie, and this is where he begins to have an issue with him. Because Ben wants to see himself as the good guy, something Kripke, Jensen, and the cast have talked about in promoting the season. In his own mind, he is the good guy; he's a legend in his own mind so to speak. He's bought the hype about himself. And anyone who doesn't see him that way is an enemy aka a threat.

It doesn't mean he doesn't know he's doing things that aren't right (as we saw in those outtakes of the 'Don't-do-drugs' commercial). He's very self-aware but he justifies it to himself because he's Soldier Boy and almost like Homelander always says, he can do what he wants. Not necessarily that he has a god-mentality that rivals Homelander's but everything is justifiable in his mind because he's a Supe, or more precisely the Supe, and he's protecting his country. And it also keeps that insecurity of being a disappointment at bay that he has from his childhood. It's all layered into his make-up so to speak. So not only is Hughie a threat (not physically obviously but to Ben's image of himself) but is also bordering dangerously close to reminding him of the very thing he hates: a mirror that reminds him that maybe his dad was right about him (not saying he was, I'm saying this is potentially what is running through his mind). So not only does it share a brilliant parallel between Hughie and Annie when it comes to Soldier Boy that eventually plays out beautifully in the Tower Scene in the finale, but it also is sewn into the issue between Hughie and Annie this season in their own relationship.

But the way Jensen plays that scene is phenomenal because if you watch it, you realize if Hughie says one wrong thing, he may be in trouble.

Which is then continued in this scene:

In this scene, Hughie is mentioning there's a lot of people inside Herogasm and here we get Ben's reaction to Hughie saying that. Then he tells Hughie as long as the people stay out of his way they should be fine. But again, watch how he says it, his expression, focus on his tone, his body movement. He clearly is not happy that Hughie says this (it literally is a continuation from the hotel room scene) and again has that subtle threat vibe, even with Butcher standing there (because let's face it, to him, even with temp V, Butcher is no threat). And of course, we all know the slap scene and the punch scene that happens later. Not only does Hughie get switched out for Ryan later on who Butcher ends up protecting from Soldier Boy, but it all plays out beautifully as all of the connections, overt and subtle, unfold throughout the season.

But back to Jensen's performance. There is so much to appreciate in how he fully embodied this character. And that's not saying it through an AA haze of "omg he's so hawt!" or "omg did you see his ass?" That's appreciating the amount of work that he put into this role when the cameras started rolling. He literally became Soldier Boy and he embodied him even outside of the suit.

As an actor, Jensen is very nuanced. He consistently adds in these little things that help make the character even more multi-dimensional than what is written on the page or what is called for int he scene and how it's blocked. This is why there is a certain small group of people on here that repeatedly talk about Jacting Joices, it's not just related to Supernatural or Destiel or Dean. It's about Jensen as an actor, as a performer, and how much he actually pours into these characters he plays. Whether it be the way he moves (or walks), or the expressions he uses, his eyes (yep, he does that too, see above), with his hands, even down to the way he delivers a line. All actors do this in their own way obviously, lean into physicality as well as their performance, but he definitely has his own unique style that I just don't see anyone else replicating. I think there's a reason so many people say no one else could have played Dean the way he could have for example. And if you watch his characters, really watch them, you'll see what he does each and every time. Even smaller characters like Jason from Smallville or Tom from My Bloody Valentine or Alec from Dark Angel. It's all right there on the screen.

So I guess my whole long point is I don't get why antis rip him apart when it comes to this role of Soldier Boy (other than being antis I guess) or say he can't act or that has no idea how to properly analyze his character because he actually did put a ton of work into this specific character (as well as all the others he's done) and you can clearly see it as you watch his scenes in the show. While I wish we could have seen Homelander and Soldier Boy go at it a bit more, and see Soldier Boy truly unleash that Alpha-ness of being the original Supe like had been talked about in promotions and interviews, it doesn't diminish that this character was fascinating and he brought it to life from the script in a way that complemented his own unique style as a performer.

tl;dr Jensen crushed Soldier Boy and Ben (yes, two different characters to embody actually) and I cannot wait to see more of him in any future Boys-related visual story telling, on the show or others.

[lover-of-mine]

#anyone want to hear my season 7 buddie spec that has no basis besides the voices in my head? sdoaksoaksokasokasoak yes ! me i always like to read your metas and what you have in mind

thank you for the support oaksoaksoaks

okay, I'm gonna start this off by saying this whole thing hinges on whether or not the show is gonna keep mirroring Buck and Eddie's personal journeys and this is mostly about Buck, I have no idea what they're gonna do with Eddie lol. First of all, this set back when the finale aired about the similarities between Buck and Taylor and Buck and Natalia and that illustrates it beautifully, the whole she came back, they seem happy, are they really? and that's a point against Natalia lasting in my opinion. But the thing is, I think Bucktalia also mirrors Eddiana, and that's when things start to get interesting in my brand of insanity. You have Buck treating Natalia's hand, you have Eddie treating Ana's, Ana and Natalia being reduced to their jobs, the first date in broad daylight in a cafe of some sort, a second date at home being interrupted by the rest of their lives (if you push a bit and think about Kameron's pregnancy, both dates are interrupted by their children even if the baby isn't Buck's on the ways that matter), you have the picture-perfect ending at home after a near-death experience, so the parallels are there too. And that means one important parallel, Buck holding on for the wrong reasons the same way Eddie did, which could doom that relationship further, but also leave Buck spiraling. Because if we're comparing personal journeys, Buck is in a state that's a mix of season 4 Eddie trying to be happy through the trauma and outside looking in/fear-o-fobia Eddie. I think we can even directly parallel some stuff, like, I truly believe the cemetery is the way Buck would handle the outside looking in kitchen talk if that went the other way around.

But the thing is, Buck needs to deal with the shit that happened to him before getting together with Eddie so I'm choosing to look at these as fuel for my Buck Breakdown beliefs. Unlike Eddie, Buck actually died, so that changes the dynamic a little bit, there's also the way that Buck doesn't care about his own life enough to break over dying, but while Eddie's PTSD has many triggers, the thing that actually breaks him is the knowledge that he didn't save the people he thought he saved. So my grand theory here is something happening to Maddie, Bobby, or Christopher that makes Buck lose it. I don't really think they would do something to Chris, but using him would have a similar effect if it wasn't for the fact that it would also break Eddie. Eddie himself doesn't count in this situation unless is both Eddie and Chris, because Buck would be forced to keep it together if something happened to Eddie for Chris' sake. Or maybe if they like, killed off the Buckley parents and forced Buck to deal with that grief. But Maddie or Bobby, dangerous situation, close call, hospital stay, honestly, something that would leave them in enough danger to trigger Buck, low-key don't think you need much to trigger that man. But trigger, Buck losing it, Eddie talking Buck down (how would Eddie find out Buck is losing it? I don't know, plot convenience, I like the idea of divorced-era Buddie and Eddie storming the loft because he's tired of Buck's bullshit and finding him, or maybe someone from dispatch calls Eddie because there's been a call from Buck's address, I don't know, they can get creative there), Buck working towards working his own shit out. But we're in this weird season 4/season 5b mix, right? How do we end s4? Near-death experience that calls back to a previous trauma, big revelation, aborted love confession.

One thing I refuse to compromise on is the fact that Eddie had his oh! moment during the shooting (it's my truth I am not letting it go) so you can probably see where I'm going here, right? A Buck in a better mind space almost dying by chance, getting saved by Eddie, and realizing something. You see the vision? Current vision goes back and forth between equipment malfunctioning, Buck falling, and Eddie being the only one close enough to get to him, this usually goes around a cliff, a bridge, and Buck falling into water (I know the truck bombing is not technically equipment malfunction but equipment did try to kill him, and water is Buck's worst enemy lol), or Buck and Eddie stopping to help someone, and shit going to hell, this vision usually goes with Buck and Eddie seeing a car crash of some sort, again someone drove off a cliff or off a bridge, they go to help, Buck gets trapped in the car, Eddie needs to save him (trapped under a vehicle, water) or just straight up having them drive of a bridge. Because something really big about the shooting is the way that, one it happened by chance, two they weren't supposed to be there, three Buck didn't have anyone he trusted there so he did the saving alone, and four by having Eddie get shot, you're bringing up why he left the army. So with Buck, if they stick to this pattern, you need to drown him or trap him under something, or both. And you have the way the lightning parallels the well and the shooting, and the well triggered something for Eddie, you have the whole you need to keep fighting, find your own way out, the suffocation aspect for both of them when you realize Eddie is about to drown and Buck's lungs are not working, and also the way Buck is supposed to learn something during his coma that could lead to a conversation similar to the will reveal. This is when the vision gets cloudy. Because ideal world, the reveal is Buck's feelings and we don't have an aborted love confession, we have a plain old confession, but the aborted route is always a possibility with a see you in season 8 thing.

But yeah, Buck breakdown, Buck starting to deal with his shit, near-death experience, Eddie having to save him alone, tense conversation after. I'm also slightly obsessed with what could happen in a scene where Eddie is dragging Buck out of the water, cpr, mouth to mouth, "you're not doing this to me again", Buck coughing up water while sitting up, Eddie catching him, "I got you, I got you". The possibilities are ENDLESS. Just put Ryan's emotional power to work. All those fun things oskaoskaoskoaksas

Also, this mostly hinges on Buck doing something to change their relationship because considering Buck tripped into 4 relationships, he needs to start this one. I'm a firm Buck needs to do something first believer. Buck's endgame relationship needs to start with him making a move. Also, my whole Buck needs to choose thing is all about Shannon saying that Eddie keeps making all the choices, so Eddie needs to let go of control and Buck needs to go for what he wants.

[saline-coelacanth]

Rambling some more about that one Kai au I've been thinking about lately

First of all, I'm thinking about calling this the "Scorched Au" since it sounds cool and also as a reference to the term "Scorched Earth" since that describes Kai very well in this au

So one part of the au is that the others all think Kai is dead because how could he have survived the volcano erupting? And again, Kai didn't unlock his true potential so they never saw him safely fly out of the volcano afterwards. Kai also lays low for a while. He takes some inspiration from Nya when she became Samurai X and decides to hide his identity, so even if the ninja run into him they don't recognize him at first.

Kai still uses the sword of fire but he also uses the fangblade that he's continued holding onto since managing to grab it before it fell in the lava. And he obviously still has his spinjitzu and normal hand-to-hand combat skills. He sort of goes around doing "vigilante justice" when in reality he's just sort of beating up anyone who gets in his way.

One other idea I thought of is Kai messing around with dark magic. One thing that he focuses a lot on is what more he needs to do to unlock his true potential, and his main belief is simply that he isn't strong enough. So he ends up teaching himself dark magic with a spell book he stole from some library or something like that (I haven't fully decided yet) And it's through the dark magic that he learns to "control fire" though it's not the same as if he were using his elemental powers. He basically learns a bunch of fire spells to make up for the fact that he hasn't unlocked his true potential. This also manages to fool the others into thinking Kai DID unlock his true potential even though it's just dark magic.

I also haven't thought of a name for Kai when he's going undercover since he should probably have one. I know I could just go with "Red Shogun" since that's already a name he's given himself, but idk I feel like that name doesn't really fit the design I've been working on. The design is more of a rogue type thing. I thought of something like the Scorched Shinobi since shinobi is just another word for ninja and it also fits with the au name but idk if I've fully settled on that just yet (though I am becoming fond of it)

And one more thing that I almost forgot to mention is Nya since she's pretty important to this au. So obviously Kai is pretty mad at the other ninja, but the only person he doesn't actively attack or threaten is Nya since despite everything that happened, she's still his little sister. And one other idea I had revolving around Nya is that since Kai ran off to go be evil, Master Wu decides that it's probably best to tell Nya about her water powers now and train her in them instead of waiting until season 5 to do so. Idk that just made sense to me and it might also cause Kai to spiral a bit more because he already had to deal with the fact that Nya doesn't need him anymore because of the whole Samurai X stuff. But now finding out that she has elemental powers as well would not help with his whole situation of feeling like the team never needed him and that he wasn't worthy. Idk I feel like I'm just spit balling at this point now

But anyway, this was sort of just aimless ramblings from me. Even if this doesn't become a main-stay au for my blog, I still wanna write my ideas somewhere for people to read.

[nullbutler]

because it's impossible to truly get into the depths of a very hyper specific situation, here's a checklist of 'am I being groomed' [specifically for ONLINE SPACES]

keep in mind that grooming, in this sense, could not be seen as inherently rigged for sexual exploitation. there are a lot of different examples. this also works as a checklist of the intrusive worry of 'am I accidentally grooming someone.' as long as you aren't doing any of that, there's no reason you'd think you would be a groomer. this isn't even age specific. it can happen to anyone at any time if they are susceptible.

none of these specifically mean anything, but together/if added together, they should be cause for alarm

any victim of this sort of behavior should know: it's not your fault, you can always recover, you deserve better friends, you deserve to be happy, you don't deserve to be isolated

I honest to god felt the same way about a year ago. And, now, while I'm still coming to terms with it, I have never been more happy and sure of myself now that I'm out of the situation. and I want the same for you, genuinely. it's isolating and bizarre.

and here: the checklist

are they showing you pornography or explicit content that makes you uncomfortable?

are they encouraging you to seek out specific pornography?

is that pornography in a moral sense illegal?

are they encouraging you to do illegal things or things that might put you in danger?

do you wonder if they ever actually care about you?

do they only talk to you when you're emotionally vulnerable?

do you feel like you need to act outside of how you'd typically act to please them?

do you feel like you need to expose yourself to things you wouldn't normally want to to please them?

do you feel isolated from people outside of the opinions they hold?

do you feel like 'if everyone knew who I really was, they'd hate me?"

do you feel like you're secretly a bad person

do you feel like you can't hold any moral stance on issues because your morals are too far gone?

do you feel like you can defend heinous actions because you (and specifically this other person) are just as guilty your selves

are they telling you that they're the only person/group of people who can 'fix' an issue you have?

are they telling you that looking at upsetting and triggering material is the only way to fix yourself?

are they making you feel as though you don't have a choice about something about yourself?

are they telling you to disregard belief systems that are in place to keep you safe?

are they desensitizing you to things (showing you something bad, showing you something bad, showing you something worse; you don't perceive it as worse)

do you feel like their values are more important than your own morals?

do you feel like you're beyond saving because of what they've told you?

The best course of action to this kind of thing isn't even legal based because that's impossible to determine/prove; it's : please leave. please find somewhere safe to go.

[oksurethisismyname]

Hiiiii as a queer person living in the Bible Belt of the USA, I’m envisioning a “Christian trauma AU / general theology AU” because you know my main focus is always Sanji. This assumed that we’re in the USA, modern era, and I guess maybe a college or post grad AU for how they meet each other? This is a lonnnnnnnng text post so scroll at your own risk. To keep it from being toooo long I’m also sticking to east blue crew.

Hear me out:

There are a million different sects of Christianity so we’ve got a ton of angles to use.

Garp is catholic (but think FRENCH laïcité instead of American Amy Coney Barret Supreme Court justice weird catholic cult), Dragon straight up rebels against the strict structure and goes about his atheist ways. Neither of them really raise Luffy anyway so 💁🏻

Luffy ends up being agnostic. It’s not that he doesn’t believe in a higher power but he knows he needs to take action and that he can’t rely on a higher power to fix the problems of the world. Very Albert Camus, revolting against the absurd and holding himself to a higher responsibility in life

Zoro comes from a Shinto or Buddhist background. He’s not judging anyone’s religious beliefs unless they’re harming others.

Nami has religious trauma from the Baptist church that set up in her town and made it impossible to be herself. Belle Mere is so clearly queer and she’s harassed and dies at the hands of some zealous bigots who were emboldened by the words of the local Baptist church pastor (Arlong)

Ussop comes from a chill Protestant background (maybe Presbyterian?) But he’s more of a CEO (Christmas Easter Only) in terms of actually attending any sort of church. Honestly, with his dad out of the picture and his mom dying, he just had bigger things on his mind like living every day.

Finally, Sanji. Oh boy, Sanji has major “Quiverfull movement Christian” trauma from Judge. For those who don’t know, quiverfull is a Christian extremist movement where the idea is to have as many kids as possible and adhere to very strict purity rules and gender roles. Contraception isn’t allowed. Women wear long skirts and non fitted shirts to hide their womanly form (ew), and most of the time these parents homeschool there kids to avoid the “temptation” or “impurity” of modern society.

Judge had these 5 kids who he’s raised in this faith but Sanji never liked how Judge treated his mom. Why was Sora supposed to be “seen and not heard?” Why was it ok for his brothers to use scripture to bully and hurt and spread hate? Why would a loving god create women just to subjugate them? Judge wouldn’t like this, and once Sora passes away (probably because Judge wouldn’t let her seek medical care post birth of the quadruplets, so her health deteriorated for years), Judge locks him up and makes him do all sorts of horrible “prayer” and “repentance” practices, which are really just abuse.

Sanji would maybe escape when they go into town to get something mundane like a printer or a new wifi router (which only judge is allowed to use the internet). He’d probably bolt first chance he gets and when he meets Zeff, Zeff can recognize the signals of abuse. He takes Sanji in and even though Sanji never believed women were less than men, he still has years of trauma and gender roles beaten into him that he has to unpack.

His choice to cook? That’s a huge rebellion. Wearing tight fitting suits that look sinful? That’s a middle finger to his dad. He always treats women like goddesses because he feels so much guilt for the sins of his father. When he finally joins the Strawhats, he’s so overwhelmed with how free and nonjudgmental they are (of important stuff, obviously they’ll still poke fun at small stuff) that he feels comfortable dropping little comments here and there, opening up.

Ussop will be comforting Nami about something and sanji will tell him is so refreshing to see a man be so nurturing. He goes to Ussop often, asking how he’s so confident sharing his emotions.

Nami will be ordering them around and he’ll do everything she says with a smile, just happy to see her free to do what she wants (which is be a bossy bitch)

Zoro will talk about Kuina one night and Sanji will sob, overwhelmed with joy that she got to have all that strength and a friend like zoro even when faced with hurtful gender expectations.

Luffy above all is the most jarring for him. He grew up hearing about sin and sinners and temptation and evil but when he sees Luffy doing his thing, taking down bad people, fighting for the underdog, he knows that if there is a God (he she it they? Who cares), Luffy is doing their work.

——————

Bonus Gay Cherry on top is that Sanji meets Iva and gets into drag, starts performing, does some events, and through that gender liberation is able to find some peace in who he is, tucking away all the hate he was born into. And he ends up with zoro the end bye

[talenlee]

Dealing with My Dad

Okay, I write about fundie stuff, right? And time to time, I will wind up mentioning that my dad is a fundamentalist Christian and has beliefs like climate denial and supernatural demonic possession. With the coming of Christmas, and a greater period of socialisation with families, it’s that time of year when this kind of story circulates around: ‘Oh boy, dad’s going to do X.’

Well.

What about my dad?

Content Warning: I’m going to talk about my relationship to my dad and it’s going to possibly be a bit of a bummer. Also, if you’re the weirdo trying to stalk my blog to build a case of lies about that guy, you’re not going to find anything interesting. Really, this is going to make me look bad, not him.

Alright, so my dad is an older, conservative Christian who believes in some things that I think are conspiracy theories, like Velikovskian Catastrophe. He does reject modern arkaeology, but not because he thinks that the Biblical flood story didn’t literally happen six thousand years ago, but rather because he thinks God would have hidden that important artifact to prevent it from being an item of political power in our world. My father once extolled to me how amazing the Flood must have been in that it has successfully obliterated every sign it ever happened, something that shows the absolute power of god’s decision to wipe out history.

I don’t tend to fight with my father.

We have had conflicts; certainly since I left the house. We have largely been limited to a few moments where it became evident that we weren’t going to have a smooth time around something. But I still try to see my father regularly, and I don’t try to avoid him. This is because I like my father. It is a a complex relationship, where my father is someone I care about and also do not have a strong social bond to. It is a complex and frustrating way to be where I do not wish harm on him and recognise the ways he has improved as a person but also know there are things that he will do socially I dislike a great deal.

How then to handle this.

How do I square the problem with him institutionally as a person in a place of prominence in his church with my personal opinion about that entire organisation?

A long time ago I asked dad a hypothetically question about how he would feel about knowing that a member of his church that he was teaching was an atheist. He was someone who grew up in the church, who had a deep love of the Biblical text and the experience of church, concurred with the church on moral frameworks and behaviours, but simply did not believe in the existence of a God. This is an interesting question, to me, to pose to a religious leader type because it seems to me that hypothetically at least a person should care a great deal about why someone is at a place that is meant to be built around an ideology like a church is. My father’s stance was, not quite instant; he thought about it a moment, and then explained that he would be glad to have them, and would much rather they be there in his church than not.

His argument was that he couldn’t see into anyone’s hearts; he couldn’t verify what someone thought about the faith. What he could do was engage the community, encourage behaviours and exclude people based on what they were doing. If this person wasn’t disrupting things and get something out of the experience of the church, then he would much rather they be there, because how else was God going to reach them if they were being excluded from things?

It was honestly, a great answer. It was humble, it was honest and it looked at the material realities of the church situation. Even if you believe you have supernatural insight into the mind of god, which, I gotta hold onto, preachers believe they have, you can look at the actual relationships between people before you and decide you’d rather have someone singing along than not just because of how you think they hold to your ideals.

I think about it a lot when I think about how I deal with my dad, because pretty much most of my adult life I’ve been concerned that I treat my dad like a child, or at least, like I am the parent doing my best to encourage good behaviours in someone who doesn’t know better.

For example, in social gatherings, I will sometimes make it my job to keep my dad occupied on something he cares about. I don’t get to have long talks with him often, but being able to sit down with him and ask him specific questions about areas of his expertise give him a chance to engage with it without feeling like he’s the centre of attention. This means there are some topics I keep myself informed on even if I don’t know much, like Formula 1, the council of Nicea, and weird stories out of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons and Seven Day Adventists. Note that these are Very White Topics that are mostly about people who are like himself, meaning that he doesn’t have a lot of reason to veer out of that lane to have opinions on complex ideas.

Similarly, there’s giving my dad opportunities to avoid social experiences. If we have the youngest family members in one spot, and they make noise, I take ’em somewhere and do something to keep ’em entertained. The infamous ‘uncle joe said something awful at dinner’ can be avoided if uncle joe isn’t people’d out by the time the dinner is happening. These kinds of outbursts can be seen as an outcome of stress and unhappiness in intense social situations. If dad can take a break at a social event, then he’s not going to be running low on conversation topics.

Also, and this is important: I have a lot of control over what I bring up and I can keep myself from bringing up stuff that I know will require an argument. And yeah, that means that there are times I won’t specify things about people I’m talking about, I don’t need to make my dad realise he’s hearing a story about a bunch of queers including his son. There are things I don’t need to talk about with my dad, and by choosing to keep some things private, I am able to keep him wanting to be connected to me, such that those normal things that are part of his mind now aren’t going to feel like alien ideas when he encounters the ways I am not what he wants me to be.

Finally, dismiss but don’t engage with conspiracism. He shared a story about bible college teachers being fired for showing their pronouns, where he presented the story that these teachers were fired from a Bible college for ‘not including their pronouns.’ This isn’t the case. The story, which took me a few seconds of checking on my phone, was that the Bible college fired two teachers who included their pronouns in their email signatures, which is especially telling because those teachers’ first names were Shua and Raegan. You wanna call your shot on those pronouns if you’ve never seen those names before? But yeah, dad internalised the story as something that’s literally opposite to the truth. I didn’t pull out my phone and fact-check him on the spot, I just shrugged and said ‘doesn’t sound true,’ and changed the subject.

Does this suck? I mean a little bit. It sucks that dealing with my father is work. But it’s work because I can’t change what’s in his heart or mind or how or why he thinks things, but I can do things to change his behaviour. I don’t think my dad wants to have an argument at a social gathering, but he has attached great value to an organisational social structure that makes him feel like he needs to be prepared to do so. And because of that, it means that my father is a person attached to this thing, this immense thing, that I hate. And I can love him even though he is part of that, and want him to remain connected because of it. I’d rather he have me in his life and remember ‘oh yeah, my leftie hippie commie son is like that, and I don’t hate him, so maybe hating people like that isn’t a hard rule.’

Not saying any of you need to like my dad. It’s not your job. It’s apparently, my job, but I don’t think it’s bad to try and keep these relationships present.

I can maintain a relationship with people who are part of something I find hateful.

It’s how I was raised.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[faffreux]

If I may ask, why do you so often add eyes to the background of your artwork?

Oh boy, heavy question for me LOL. I'm actually surprised it took this long for anyone to ask me given this is probably a thing in 1/3 of my art over the last 2 years.

A big thing is that there are multiple layers to it and I can't really explain without going into all of them so here you go:

I have lifelong chronic anxiety. I was raised in a religious cult and this manifested as a child into an intense fear that God was listening to my thoughts and could see everything - that he was judging me, damning me. I would pray extensively every night to the point of obsession that I wouldn't be sent to hell for lapses in faith or for my interests (which were often on topics like other religions, mythology, ghost stories, monsters, and other 'gothic' things.)

The judgement also came from around me in the form of people in the church telling my mother I was "lost" because of the way I dressed between the ages of 11 - 15. There was a constant feeling of being "watched" by a malicious gaze everywhere I went (whether it was from God, Satan, or other people) and even after I got out of that belief system it followed me online where I would often get harassed and bullied/insulted for expressing myself.

Let's put the negativity aside for a second, though. While talking about the above is important for understanding the eyes in my art, it's actually not the full story nor is it the most important reason why they've reappeared so often.

Eyes are a symbol of spiritual seeing - representing this idea of looking beyond the material world and witnessing something not otherwise visible.

It's the ability to perceive through the mind and the heart, which is how Fawful manifests in my life in the present day. I'm an intensely spiritual person who believes in a universe that is ultimately made up of love rather than hate or indifference, so to bring back the watchful eyes of my younger years and turn them around to represent love and understanding rather than judgement is something I've found immense comfort in.

God does not hate, he does not judge in the way I was told he did. And I do not hold the hatred spewed by flawed people against the concept of a higher power, which is something I have always strongly believed in.

I am loved and cared about. By Fawful, by my friends, by the powers that be. The eyes represent that knowledge and they often float in the backdrop of paintings I create to imbue my work with positive energy and cancel out the fear that lurks in the back of my mind due to both my neurodivergency and upbringing.

That's why eyes.

[youremyheaven]

Princess here. Hey babe how are you?

I feel like you're the only anon left here 🤭🤣

I currently have a slight cold and feel a bit out of it but I'm going to use this opportunity to do a bit of an inventory for 2024 as it is the end of the year. If anyone's interested, you can do the same and drop me askszz

Things I did in 2024:

1. Moved away from the place I lived in for 8 years 😭

2. Grew my hair down to my ass and then cut it chest length??? (My first haircut in like 3 years??)

Not all growth is meant to stay. Sometimes we grow in ways that help us protect ourselves during difficult circumstances but you can't live wearing your armour 24/7, so it's important to shed the layers we've accumulated every once in a while (me philosophising the heck out of my hairdresser telling me my hair is damaged and needs to lose length lmao 😭😂)

3. I cut off friendships I'd maintained for 8 ish years. Just because something has lasted a long time doesn't mean it has to stay. Especially if things aren't working out.

Don't tolerate disrespect and don't hold on just for the sake of it.

4. I went to therapy for 3-4 months and then I quit therapy

I needed it at that time but I'm also glad I quit when I did because I felt myself microanalysing everything through therapy speak and it wasn't healthy lol

5. I went back to my ex after 6 years and then it gave me the reality check I needed and I promptly left him

6. I dated someone who treated me like a princess but still somehow didn't respect me or value me lmao (yes, they exist)

7. A friend I had for a long ish time behaved inappropriately with me when he was drunk and despite having a gf, told me he thinks I'm hot etc etc this cemented my belief that men and women could perhaps never actually be friends

8. I started abusing substances after being sexually abused.

I never thought I'd have a substance addiction era bc that's sooo not me like no one would ever think I was a chainsmoker but that was the lowest point of my life this year. I didn't brush, shower, eat or even get out of bed for weeks. I stayed high and drunk bc I felt so unsafe in my body and was dissociating severely. I'm so glad to have recovered from it and move past it and to have had someone in my life who held my hand through that journey bc it was messy asf and I have sooo much compassion for people who stay stuck in that loop for years and lose so much of their time, like I completely get how easy it is to lose yourself entirely

9. Adult relationships are so different??

I wish I had been in a relationship in my early 20s or when I was in college so that I could get a little bit of a crash course on this stuff and not feel so overwhelmed by expectations bc im already 24 and things start getting serious at this age 😭😭

But I'm also glad I stayed single throughout college bc it really helped me solidify my own identity and understand who I am, what I want and what I expect. I think 18-22 are very personality cementing years and I'm kinda glad that my personality wasn't shaped by a romantic relationship even if I was madly in love with someone all those years (unrequited, one sided stuff). The act of being in love with someone unconditionally like that has perhaps altered me in ways I can't even express but I'm glad there's no trauma or drama to recall from that experience

10. What someone tells you when they're angry is exactly what they've been thinking of all this while.

11. I make my own money??? And pay my own bills??? And I have a job that I like??

12. You don't know a person until you live with them. Don't ever marry anyone you haven't lived with 🫡🫡

13. Sex is nothing special without love

14. Had really good sex and really bad sex

15. Met new people, made new friends

16. I modelled??? I've done a couple of photoshoots now??

17. Had ₹80 left in my bank account and still somehow survived

18. I learnt to cook and I loveeee to cook now

19. I got a tattoo!!!

20. I got many more piercings

21. I resolved a 1.5 year long "crush" twin flame esque situation I had with a guy

22. I travelled 💛

23. Built a new identity for myself 🫡

24. Restarted my creative journey

25. Lost touch with myself and then now I'm finally going home to me

[thursdayinspace]

Hi! :)

What are your top 10 MSR moments?

A comment you made yesterday made me curious.

oh man, how to choose? I don't know if I even can name a top 10. i did something similar a little while ago but it changes all the time and also I might be forgetting some . . . let's see. these are not in order. they're just all favorites. and I'm going to go with only moments where both are actually present.

the amor fati "my constant, my touchstone" speech + the forehead kiss. it is such a declaration of love. telling her, basically, that she's The One. no matter what happens. so many moments summarized in those few words: "you saved me," "my one in five billion," "now I can only trust you," etc.

the hallway speech in ftf. I mean. he tells her she's the most important person in his life. just . . . yeah. excuse me while I die a little from feelings.

I'm just going to cheat and roll all the kisses into one moment -- I could write a separate post about each one.

the baseball scene, I mean, come on, the two of them just having fun together, laughing, being cute?

combining two irresistible moments into one: when she tells him she wants to go back to washington to work from there, and he lets her walk away with her dignity intact by telling her that hey, more experienced agents have fallen apart on cases like this, and if she needs to talk he's there, but yeah, working from washington is actually a really good idea, she should do that! and then after they find her, she can let herself fall apart in front of him because he's already shown that he respects her. he offered himself as a safe place already and respected it when she wanted to handle things her own way. that episode is so pivotal to the development of their partnership and friendship.

in anasazi, when he thanks her for taking care of him. he sounds like he doesn't quite know how to say it, but it's important to him. he's not used to being taken care of like that, he's not used to being loved quite like that. what she does is pretty insane, shooting him in the shoulder and taking him on that crazily long drive afterwards while he's unconscious. she risks so much for him, with no ulterior motive.

"i wouldn't put myself on the line for anyone but you." when has he ever been that important to anyone? kind of goes with the moment above. he's not respected by his peers. people call him spooky. they laugh at his work and his beliefs. and here is this smart woman who could have a brilliant career, but she's willing to risk it all to work with him. and she doesn't even believe his theories. she just respects him, and *likes* him. she wants to be by his side. and he wants her around so much. how does that have to feel, to hear that not only is he respected, he's *wanted*?

"maybe i did want to be out there with you" from htgsc. after being told by the ghost that most people would rather stick their fingers in a wall socket than spend a minute with him. and here she is telling him that it's not true. she chooses him. she wants to spend time with him.

the two of them in plus one cuddled up on that bed/couch in the middle of the night. he's holding her and she's asking questions, testing the water, not sure where they stand anymore. she is still so afraid but she loves him. and he doesn't push. he is just *there*. he makes it so very clear that he will always be there. i have a lot of feelings about the quiet, patient way mulder loves in the revival. he will be what she needs, he just wants to be there for her and wants to be allowed to make her happy.

in detour, "i don't want to wrestle" and their whole conversation where they jump from funny to serious to funny just like that, just two good friends having a conversation. his head in her lap is cute and all, but i love the way they just *are* together. they're comfortable with each other.

there are so many more. i wanted to pick a hospital scene but there are too many. the ending of je souhaite is missing. milagro. the scene in the rain from the pilot. the phone call in sleepless "i'm surprised i put up with you so long." the various hugs and forehead kisses. but those are the ten that stood out to me right now. the list is neither good nor complete. this is difficult!

thoughts and opinions? does anyone else have a top ten? or top 500?