#but it’s the complete lack of self awareness and perspective that is insane to me lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mysticbewitched · 7 months

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To my beautiful anons: I know that you told me to ignore it, but I must speak from the heart and say how I feel. I cannot keep how I feel bottled up inside any longer before I choose to go on a break.

My message to this community:

There are now rumors being spread about me. I’m being called: condescending, immature, and someone who acts superior - all because my words are being twisted to fit false narratives by people who do not know me.

Rumors are being spread all around because of a complete misunderstanding that got way out of hand.

First of all, I never ever called any bloggers here morons. I called the excuse to mock, tear someone down, and make fun of somebody on public blast moronic because I find that kind of behavior to be childish and insanely cruel.

Whether the situation involves anyone from any kind of community on here taking time out of their day to intentionally put someone down in order to make themselves look superior and feel better about themselves.

Yeah, yeah, it’s the internet and all those rebuttals. Well, duh. I’m well aware, but does that make it kind? For an entire community that claims to be all about awareness and compassion, there’s a huge lack of self-awareness surrounding the intent behind some actions and it seems to be devoid of compassion.

It is exactly what it is: immature and childish behavior that only shows deep levels of insecurity. Whether that insecurity is in themselves or their own views. I'm just calling it out for what it is.

Secondly, I called certain concepts that I disagree with stronger and blunt terms such as: ridiculous, nonsense, etc - because I’m allowed to have my own opinions and views about things I disagree with.

I want to make it crystal clear right now that none of those terms were ever directed or aimed towards any bloggers.

I never called any bloggers here: ridiculous, nonsense, moronic, etc.

Those terms were all about certain concepts that I disagree with and have a different view on.

The hypocrisy around here astounds me:

It’s perfectly okay and acceptable for this community to put me on public bash mode, spread rumors about me, and mock me for thinking differently and having my own unique perspective, but God, it’s so outrageous and absolutely unforgivable for me to have an opinion about the concepts that I disagree with.

How did I become the villain?

What’s that all about? How does any of this make sense?

I want to clear some things up:

Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

This ridiculous drama all started because I shared my thoughts - God forbid I do that on a platform that is solely designed for you to share their thoughts and I brought everyone to the attention about some mockery and making fun of people on public bash mode for the sake of humiliation in this community that I have noticed going on more than once and that somehow made me a villain.

I personally knew someone and I was friends with her. She was harassed to the point where she felt the need to deactivate her account. Why was she harassed and mocked by a community that claims to be so kind? She had a different view that went against the collective standard.

Now I do not know who was all involved in the situation and my message was never directed towards any specific bloggers here in the first which people have twisted into false narratives.

{While we are on the topic, you do realize that there has to be countless bloggers in this community, right? They’re everywhere and there’s probably more around here than you could ever count. It could have been anybody and the fingers were never pointed to any specific blogger.}

I found out again that the same situation happened to another blogger who was harassed to the point of deactivating her account.

My message was about the mob-mentality as a whole collective in this community because from the sidelines, I have noticed a repeating pattern play out.

I feel that there’s a whole unspoken condescending attitude of superiority and spiritual immaturity lingering in the atmosphere of this community as a whole and it has to be hushed.

We’re not allowed to talk about it.

If you dare talk about it - people then come after you and paint you as the villain.

This is what started a fire and then guess what happened? I became public enemy number one.

All because I spoke out on the atmosphere of this community as a whole:

I became the one who was harassed and called “immature” for speaking out about this and validating the experiences of my old friend and the other blogger who went through the same thing.

But I’m the immature one.

I’m the condescending one.

Right, okay. Well, let me get things straight.

I witnessed with my own eyes: anons bringing up my posts with the intention to mock me and humiliate me because it was clear that they felt they were better and “more spiritual/enlightened" than I am.

{ A "who's more spiritual" battle? Really? }

I saw posts made about me by people who don’t even know me: calling me immature.

Now I’m having rumors going around from people who don’t know me at all: calling me someone who is condescending and acts superior.

You want to know why people now think that I act condescending and superior?

This was all because during one of my civil discussions about the disagreement between views, I called out the anons who thought it was cool to mock me and I wanted them to know that I wasn’t blind. I could see exactly what they were doing and I was laughing at their attempts to mock me and humiliate me.

But I’m the condescending and stuck up one who acts superior and immature for standing up for myself?

Sorry, but if you think it’s ultra-cool and perfectly acceptable to publicly mock someone with the intention to humiliate someone - going as far to lurking on the person’s account to link it on another blogger’s account with the clear intention to mock and shame that person:

It only shows your character and the undeniable fact that you are an insecure individual who gets off on wanting to tear people down and humiliate them. You only make yourself look like a fool.

What happened to nonduality’s philosophy of: all is one? You defeat the philosophy you claim to follow at that point. That’s what was so funny to me about the situation and how that one post was just blowing up in flames with traffic.

You know, if anyone came to my account with the intent to mock or humiliate another blogger for the sake of fun - I would shut that down real fast because I do not play those games around here.

Unlike some people in *any* kind of online community, I do not feel the need or desire to put others down in order to make me feel better about myself. In fact, that type of behavior is never and has never been welcome on my page.

So let me get this straight: I’m not allowed to call out the cruel treatment that is hushed and swept under the rug in this community because nobody wants to talk about it, but it’s perfectly acceptable and okay to publicly bash people with the intent to mock them and make fun of them.

Is this what’s going on here?

I can hear the outlash now.

“People can have their opinions!” Of course, I agree with that notion completely, but I would call such actions childish mockery and the intent to humiliate someone.

Speaking of opinions, what about my opinions and my own views to share?

What about my own perspective?

Oh, that doesn’t count. Right.

Because apparently I’m not allowed to acknowledge God/awareness for what it is since I don’t follow the concept of removing labels when referring to the nature of awareness, but it’s perfectly okay and acceptable for others to do the same.

I’m just the only one around here who is not allowed to do it, right.

It seems here that I’m also not allowed to share my own perspective without being accused of spreading misinformation. Right, cool.

“This is not what nonduality/AD is all about”

“You’re spreading misinformation-”

I thought there was no such thing as concepts or philosophies. You can’t have it both ways.

Another thing to add, it seems to me that I’m not allowed to share my own thoughts and views in the space of my page without being told that my views are wrong and theirs are right.

Or the way I share the philosophy of nonduality is wrong and only their way of teaching is right.

Here’s what I want to say about this:

You do not have the right to tell me how to run or share this philosophy on my page.

Seriously? All because I choose to keep the labels around and enjoy creating my own reality from knowing my true self as God while acknowledging the existence, incredible beauty, and deep meaning out of the physical human experience?

Somebody tell me what the issue is. I have to be missing something here because I just cannot understand what the problem is.

I’m not in on the joke. What is the issue?

What’s unbelievable to me is that we’re constantly told to turn within, right? I completely agree with that piece of advice. We are supposed to turn within and come to our own answers about realizing the nature of awareness in order to shift our perception.

Well, that’s exactly what I did and I found my own answers that I feel could help my followers and transform their lives. This is all I’m trying to do here.

I am simply doing things my own way because what has helped me and transformed my world may open the doors for anyone who comes across my page. I am only offering a new and unique perspective to consider.

I don’t care if you approve of the way I share nonduality’s philosophy or not because I am not here for you. I do not need your approval.

I hear what your demands are loud and clear: share the philosophy of nonduality the way you teach, remove the labels when referring to awareness, stop teaching manifestation, get on board with the pointers, and the list goes on.

Well, you hear me: You don't own me and you do not have the right to police what I can and cannot share on my page.

I was perfectly fine with the civil discussions at first, but with all the spread of rumors about me now and people saying that I spread misinformation all because I’m offering a new perspective: this has gone far enough and I’ve had it.

I’m done with the games.

I am never going to cave to your demands and force myself to change myself or my personal views because that’s what you demand of me. I will never be what you want me to be.

For a spiritual community that claims to be kind, open-minded, and accepting: I find it to be very bias, hypocritical, and controlling in terms of its entire attitude as a whole when it comes to the way this philosophy of nonduality and oneness is taught.

Because all I’m hearing is: “things must be done/taught in a certain way or you’re excluded.”

Hear me out now and listen to me closely:

▪︎ I’m not going to remove the labels and concepts and I will acknowledge awareness as awareness.

It is not limiting to acknowledge awareness by its label while recognizing its limitless, boundless, and omnipotent nature. To say that it is - is a contradiction, especially when we take into account what the definition of true and absolute omnipotence means.

(Yes, in its true form: awareness is nameless, but in this human experience the label for awareness is awareness and that’s what I will call it.)

▪︎ I’m not going to get on board with the pointers. I find it to be robotic, tedious, and passionless. It doesn’t resonate with me or speak to my heart.

I am only going to speak from the depths of passion and follow my heart because that is what feels right to me.

(If I have to hear the concept of pointers one more time then I may bash my head against the wall.)

▪︎ I will not be vague or keep my descriptions short. My approach is about being direct and clear. This is just the way I naturally speak which is in a more formal nature and I prefer to break things down for my followers. This is something they appreciate and I am here to inspire my followers.

▪︎ I’m going to continue to share about the aspect of manifestation because it is directly tied into nonduality's philosophy. The human form is a manifestation, and the whole human experience is a manifestation. All of this is a manifestation itself.

The whole entire nature of human existence and reality itself is all an elaborate manifestation from awareness. You cannot share the concept of nonduality without acknowledging manifestation.

▪︎ I’m going to embrace the beauty of the human experience because it is deeply meaningful and beautiful to me. I will not ever promote the idea that everything is meaningless or pointless because there is now deep meaning, treasured moments, and value in the entire human experience. It is a gift.

To summarize it all, I am going to share the philosophy of nonduality in a way comes straight from my heart and passion for it.

I’m not going to share or teach the philosophy of nonduality the way you want me to and if I have a certain outspoken opinion on a concept I do not agree with then I have the right to share my views on the concept I don’t care for.

Go ahead, exclude me. I will happily wear the crown as the black sheep around here who dares to think for herself and stay true to her views.

Exclude me, mock me, and think whatever you want about my views. I really do not care what you think of me. I am not here to please you.

I will not be pushed around and told how to share this philosophy on my page. That’s where I draw the line. My page is my own safe space for me to share my views with the intention of inspiring.

I am more than confident enough in my own views to the point where I do not feel the incessant need to pressure another to bow down and change their perspective to conform to the collective’s standard way of sharing this philosophy.

Let me ask: If one is truly secure and confident in their own views or perspective on their page then why is there a need to control or pressure to change how other bloggers share their own views?

That right there to me just reveals insecurity and a lack of confidence in your own views and teachings. You should always remain confident in your views regardless of what anyone else thinks of you.

So from now on, if anyone comes onto my page and tries to police how I run things then they will have to be blocked. I have the right to be left alone in peace and free to run my page however I please.

With all that said, I guess I have become the villain around here because of my outspokenness, my stubborn loyalty to my views, and refusing to have the way I run things on my page controlled or pressured to change to conform to the demands.

But you know what? If I’m the villain now, I’ll just wear the title proudly with a pair of black cool shades because people are going to think what they want to think anyway, right?

You can’t please everyone and at the end of the night, people will draw their own conclusions whether they see the whole situation with their eyes open to listen to the individual’s side of the mirror or clouded by their own false narratives.

Now to end things here:

Speaking from the voice of my true self:

Nonduality is supposed to be filled with kindness and compassion for all since we are all one and interconnected. This beautiful philosophy is meant to deepen one’s empathy and compassion for others which leads to a more profound way of relating and connecting to each other on a deeper level as one. We are all here to connect with each other as one and achieve our greatest potential from realizing our true self as divine and unlimited awareness while having the time of our life living by and sharing this empowering philosophy of oneness.

I just want to say that I wish everyone here in this community nothing but love, happiness, and compassion on their own spiritual path. We are all one as divine awareness and unified with all of existence at the end of the night and I find that to be such an incredibly beautiful truth.

Lastly, I want to send a whole ocean of love to my precious followers who I consider to be my family.

I will always have your back and support you the same way you’ve had my back and continued to support me throughout all the madness.

I love you all very dearly from the bottom of my heart and there are no words for me to describe how much your loyalty and support to me has remained throughout all of this. It has meant so much to me and your messages of kindness and understanding throughout these rough times touched my heart. You have been a light in darkness for me and you guys are the absolute best. 🖤

By the way, to show that manifestation is a fundamental aspect of nonduality - read this.

Now I am going on break for a little while and when I come back, the posts will continue and it will be a brand new fresh start for everyone.

I have said all that I needed to say and I wish to put all of this to rest now. Much love to my followers. 🖤

#nonduality #nondualism #awareness

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twistedastrology · 5 months

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Outer Planets & Affliction: What destroys a man.

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gonna talk abt a much darker topic today bc i feel like it and it's absolutely fascinating to me from a very morbid perspective (which happens a lot 4 me)

im gonna start this off by saying this is mostly focusing on extreme cases/what Could happen due to outer planet affliction, none of this is definite if u have afflicted outer planets bc it depends on the severity of their affliction and how many good counter aspects u have to them that help u heal!! :)

to start, the outer planets to me are Saturn to Pluto, so let me give u a quick rundown of what I think these planets are responsible for when they're heavily afflicted:

Saturn - Destruction of the will, the snuffing of one's inner, driving fire.

Uranus - Destruction of the mind, losing your cognitive function, going insane.

Neptune - Destruction of the spirit, loss or lack of intuition, feeling lost within your own life.

Pluto - Destruction of the body, the vessel decays and lacks the strength to repair itself.

i wanna say as well that all of this essentially came to me in a vision from god, i genuinely had no basis in my head initially, i was just rambling to myself in my head and all of this clicked and then it genuinely made sense and i even had evidence to back it up, so i wanted to post abt it because i love dark stuff like this (my blog name isn't twisted astrology for no reason- i mean like the reason was bc it was a play on twist and twisted transistor by korn But yknow it gains reasons as i go on-)

let's go over why each planet destroys what they do:

Saturn destroys the will because it rules over time and persistance- Capricorns are more often than not very driven people, Saturn grounds them and gives them the stability and willpower to see things through. A strong Saturn is often manifested as a very powerful driving force, as the planet often acts an incredibly crucial pillar, if not the foundation in a person's chart.

Uranus destroys the mind because it's the higher octave of Mercury. It rules over innovation and change, even higher thought. A strong Uranus is often an indicator of a genius in whatever area of life the planet is placed into. Thus, when afflicted, it completely shatters and even lacks this potential altogether.

Neptune destroys the spirit because it's known as the planet of spirituality. It's the planet of our higher self and our shadow self, it's our connection to the planes of existence beyond our own. A strong Neptune is often indicative of enhanced intuition, and can even mean the person has a heightened level of awareness of their place in the world and where they're meant to be in life. So naturally, an afflicted Neptune means a complete lack of perspective and the loss/lack of the ability to realize there is more than the self, making one feel lonely, inadequate, and lost.

Pluto destroys the body because it rules over death, transformation and rebirth. It even rules over destruction itself, and its connection to death gives it an inherent connection to the physical body as well. A strong Pluto can manifest as a strong will, but also as a higher pain tolerance because of that. Therefore when it's afflicted, the soul's vessel lacks the ability to transform and regenerate itself effectively, and ultimately will crumble to pieces throughout the course of life.

OK- lemme write normally now instead of all fancy n shit 😮‍💨 But what's my evidence to prove all this-

well someone i know has very heavily afflicted outer planets, mainly saturn, uranus and pluto, but neptune was kinda roped into the affliction as well- and all of this checks out.

saturn especially hits him hard, which also makes it all karmic so idk wtf bro did in a past life but it had to've been Bad bc he's got some SERIOUSLY afflicted outer planets like jesus fucking christ- and like i dont wanna talk too much shit on here but he's insufferable to say the least and, probably bc of the afflicted saturn, will not do the work to fix it.

would genuinely hate to be him on his death bed like 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡

ANYWAY-

like i said initially tho this does not mean if u have a kinda afflicted uranus, ur gonna go insane!!! no sir!!! it's just abt the extremes n stuff and what i have literally seen happen with my own eyes- i think most people have enough soft aspects to get them into the process of healing, maybe not even soft aspects maybe just solid placements- it's all subjective, rly-

but this is also a really good way to talk abt the Power that these planets have- they are NOT to be fucked with bc when afflicted, they can obliterate you and your entire life tbh- i dont think they Want to unless you somehow have beef with them but overall they are just incredibly powerful planets and i truly think when reading someone's astrology chart, you GOTTA look at the outer planets bc otherwise you're missing out on SOOOOO much crucial information.

i always say that i think outer planets, whether in transit or in a natal chart, have the absolute MOST impact on a person despite being so far away.

far away ≠ lack of impact.

i hope this was interesting to read or at least thought provoking bc i absolutely LOVE dark topics like these, probably my moon/neptune in my 8th house tbh- i mean im genuinely fucking petrified of tornadoes like lilapsophobia type shit but i still put that image here because i unfortunately think they are really fucking cool at the same time (ive had multiple nightmares where tornadoes have killed me. but like........ they're kinda cool......and i hate them........)

anyway!!!!! thank u for reading this far into my yapping session 🙏🙏

#astrology #astrologer #astro community #astro observations #outer planets #saturn #uranus #neptune #pluto #afflicted planets #zodiac

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genlossneg · 1 year

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Any short film or media project can be submitted to film festivals pretty much off the bat so long as you appropriately own all the copyrighted material or have permission to use it

There's hundreds of smaller film festivals that ranboo could've submitted genloss too, including film festivals with focuses on experimental media like genloss is. But ranboo ran straight for an Emmy, the cream of the crop and literally nowhere else

It's both a mix of a massive ego and ignorance. Obviously I go to film school so this information was given to me by professors and it was discussed pretty extensively in class, but if Ranboo was genuinely trying to make genloss into anything, I don't think it's crazy to assume he should've submitted genloss to these film festivals that are much more in the lane of what genloss is

Also what peeves me off is because film makers have a crazy stupid amount of passion. I'm surrounded by them in my classes, my profs, we learn about them. And most of these people also have huge egos, and honestly what I've found is that very rarely can this ego be backed up by any substance.

But at the very least, they have an ego and they're trying to do something with it and actively putting in so many hours

Ranboo quite simply hasn't put in any time to make genloss, much like his extraordinarily misplaced budget, he didn't use his time where he shouldn've (don't worry one day I'll jump into your inbox and talk about the incredibly misplaced budget)

The way my particular program works is we all produce a short film at the end of each semester. We get a crew and actors and locations all on a college student budget and one of my classmates actually submitted their work for a film festival and got nominated for their category (very proud of them)

I didn't because I know my film wasn't very good. Am I proud of it, yes! I'm insanely happy with how it came out. But I have the self-awareness to know overall, it isn't this amazing thing that everyone needs to know about

Ranboo lacks this self-awareness, which along with any art, is absolutely critical for growth. Ranboo has never spoken about how he wishes he had done genloss differently or any regrets he had (aside from time crunch or things they couldn't make work) and that's how I know he didn't actually learn anything from this first run of genloss

Because the reality is, genloss wasn't good. And like my film, Ranboo can be proud of what he did as well as critical of the final product

An artist should always be their own worst critic because then they can see what the did wrong and then try and improve

Ranboo's biggest problems from my very limited perspective is a lack of understanding of how to tell a story, the lack of a backbone. He rushed genloss for an arbitrary reason. The production management was a joke too

To go for an Emmy, you're saying you think you are good enough for the highest prestige and that you believe that you've put in the appropriate amount of time and hours and that your work is worthy of gaining international recognition. And if Ranboo submitted it for the meme, that makes it worse. It shows his complete and utter lack of respect for the craft

Now, do bad movies exist, yes. Do I love some bad movies, also yes. But never have you heard of these directors hyping up these movies the way Ranboo has. And yeah, sometimes movies are cashgrabs. But again, the attitude ranboo carries as the director of genloss rubs me and so many other people so wrong as well as the attitude of boobers who think genloss is peak media. I can easily admit a movie I really like is objectively terrible but I still find enjoyment but boobers would flay you for daring say genloss isn't good (shout out live action Scooby Doo movies. They're absolutely terrible but they're fun to watch and I have fond memories of them from my childhood)

Apologies for the essay

-film student anon

film student anon this essay is wonderful. theres so much here i don't think i could reply to it all, and i really appreciated your takes on film festivals and passion projects vs the emmys. some of my favorite bits:

so big brain here. i would just keep quoting your ask in my reply because you make a ton of great points of effort not equaling quality.

i think the thing that gets me is that your first try of something is never going to be perfect. even with all the practice in the world your first try always is a bit messy, and that's how you get experience. but by submitting it for an emmy, it implies this first try was perfect, or at least close enough to be considered for such a high award. and like.. it wasn't horrible but it certainly had flaws.

i'll be so curious to see what happens with all this when the nominees get announced and what the fandom does with whatever happens

#gen loss neg #gen loss crit #ask #emmyloss

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moo-oon · 1 year

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Good Omens Re-Watch pt. 3

I completely forgot to post this, so enjoy these very old ramblings :)

I'm rewatching Good Omens with some friends (some have seen it already some have not) and I thought I would share my thoughts as they come because I am dying.

EPISODE 5

So much of the beginning of this episode is Aziraphale conducting his plan without telling Crowley what is really going on. The lack of communication here sets up the absolute heartbreak that will be coming.

Shax is such an interesting character. You think she would be so much better at her job. She has been doing it for so long but she is mostly bite with a little bit of bark.

All the people saying that Aziraphale can’t speak French cause it's a love language I adore and applaud you.

Nina calling them out on their gay chaos I love it to death. “He's not a bit on a side, he's just an angle” Wow ow okay darn wow okay. Tell me you're a hopeless romantic (and suck at communication) without telling me.

Crowley trying to talk out his anxiety and stress with Aziraphale, getting brushed off, and then basically telling Gabriel to end his own life could not be more perfect. I would not be surprised if Crowley blames heaven for Aziraphale's perspective (even more so after ep.6).

Also whoever made the comparison that Crowley understands the pain of remembering that Gabriel has to go through is horrific. So many “I knows” with very little specification.

When Muriel reports back to heaven it could not be more alarming how little everyone knows. Michael and Uriel should know so much more and they should not have to use a lower-level angel like Muriel to figure it out. It really shows how disorganized heaven is.

As much as I want Aziraphale to communicate his meeting plans with Crowley there is something very sweet about him surprising Crowley with a ball. Even though it does not give me much hope that it all goes so poorly it is a kind thought.

WHOEVER did Garbiels ball outfit deserves so much joy and praise. It could not be more wonderful!

I did not previously notice how stressed Aziraphale says “You are definitely safe in here” to Nina. He clearly knows that something is up (you know like demons invading) and still attempts to have a normal evening. His priorities are all confused, and his avoidance is at an all-time high.

The absolutely gorgeous shots throughout this entire season of Aziraphale's pining look are absolutely wonderful and heartbreaking.

Once again Aziraphale avoids the situation. He KNOWS that something is wrong but when Crowley (somewhat desperately) tries to talk it through with him Aziraphale drags him to dance. He even tells Crowley that he is “overestimating how much trouble” they are in. This is so much of the root of the problem they really expose in episode 6.

AGAIN WHOEVER GAVE GABRIEL THAT COAT GODBLESS HAVE A GOOD DAY!

I do not understand why but Nina and Maggie clearly are aware of the miracles and are unaffected. I literally have no idea how or why but also I am astonished how I did not notice this the first time around.

“Rescuing me makes him so happy” I don’t know how to approach this line. First of all, I think Aziraphale truly likes to be rescued. It shows that Crowley cares, that someone thinks he is worth putting the resources into saving. Crowley also probably like saving Aziraphale because he is not great with words and cannot express his emotions in that way. Saving him is a significantly easier way. On the opposite end, Aziraphale needing saving clearly causes Crowley an insane amount of distress. Which I think is clearly seen in the gun scene. Crowley does not mind saving Aziraphale when he has control of the situation, but as soon as he is not sure he can it's just a pit of stress.

EPISODE 6:

I think Maggie accidentally inviting the demons in is a nice touch. Not only does it show how overconfident she is but it reminds me a lot of how Crowley so desperately tries to protect Aziraphale to the point of self-destruction. As well as Shax saying that she is “unloved and unlovable”. That part imparticular feels like a deep insecurity for Crowley (and Maggie of course).

“You’d have to be a Throne a Dominion or above” and all the archangel Crowley theorists aid YAY!

When Aziraphale says that all that his plan contains is the circle it is so clear how much faith he put into Crowley returning with a better plan. I love that they have faith in each other but the codependency is too far. Even Shax knows that Aziraphale is “Crowley's emotional support Angel”. They both rely on each other far too much for it to be healthy. (I desperately want them to be happy but I also NEED them to communicate)

The relief of Aziraphales's “You came back” is so torturous when you know what's gonna happen in like 2o minutes.

I do fully believe that Metatron feels that this was the best way to get Heaven and Hell to be at actual war. He recognized that Aziraphale and Crowley would not allow Heaven and Hell to go to war if they could prevent it. Instead, he made Aziraphale START the war (not really of course but ya know significant).

Okay so let us talk about the crack ship turned cannon, and how it could not have been done more beautifully. They had maybe a minute of discussion in season 1 and suddenly I am watching them fall in love. When I imagine soft romance it was not with them. They of course also represent what Crowley and Aziraphale COULD have. If they actually communicated and worked through stuff they too could feel the joy of living their own life.

Aziraphale plainly asks Gabriel and Beezlepbub “What do you want?” and them HAVING AN ANSWER! If you asked Crowley and Aziraphale they would look at you and stutter profusely.

The Angels not even being able to identify the Metaron is so telling. They don’t know how the earth works. They don’t know how Heaven works. They are so ignorant of everything and so self-righteous. Even the Metaron bringing Aziraphale coffee instead of tea shows how little anyone really knows. If anyone should know anything it would be him but no.

Crowley has begun to plan what they are gonna do, and he's cleaned up the bookshop so that WHEN Aziraphale returns they can continue living in their own little bubble. That my friends is why I sob.

Both Aziraphale and Crowley meet in the bookshop with such high hopes that they have solved the problem. They both believe they can now live happily because of their own solution. Once again they failed to communicate and this time it truly breaks both of their hearts.

I fully believe that Aziraphale telling Crowley about what Metatron said is completely unreliable. I do not believe that the Metatron would ever be so kind or know enough to say the correct things to Aziraphale. What we see the Metatron saying is actually what Aziraphale wants/believes he heard the Metatron say.

“Like the old times! Only even nicer!” For Crowley, it was never a nice time, especially now when it hurts to remember.

I fully believe that Aziraphale cannot comprehend why Crowley is walking away. For the same reason that Crowley cannot comprehend why Aziraphale would even attempt what he was suggesting.

When Aziraphale turns around you can SEE the hope in his eyes. Then he sees the Metatron and he can’t even handle it so he turns back around.

Then as Aziraphale is walked to the elevator what Crowley said in their argument/confession becomes true. WHEN heaven ends the world. Suddenly he understands but it's far too late.

Then Crowley gets his own moment of hoping that Aziraphale turns around, and of course, he doesn't.

Finale note, I fully believe that the Bently plays “A Nightengale Sang in Berkely Square” because it expected Aziraphale to get in. Because of course, Aziraphale would come back. EVEN THEIR CAR CAN’T COMPREHEND WHAT IS HAPPENING.

#good omens 2 #good omens #emotional ow #good omens spoilers #please let them communicate #good omens season 2 #good omens killed me #gos2 spoilers #im sobbing #good omens season 2 spoilers

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rollflasher · 3 years

Text

So, since I’ve been fond of writing pseudo-essay type of posts regarding Sonic, I might as well do another one that’s similar to my hot take regarding Shadow, in particular involving a topic I talked about with some friends that involves the character.

Those who follow my blog will be aware that as time went on, I became a lot more critical of the idea of Eggman getting softened in a misguided attempt at making him more human, mostly because this in turn comes with the implication that he’s ‘’not so bad after all’’, despite the fact that the character’s selfish acts don’t match up with that. Well, there is another reason I have for thinking that keeping Eggman an evil bastard gives the character even more depth than what could be initially thought of and it specifically involves his connection with Shadow.

Both Eggman and Shadow are the extensions of Gerald’s will, and the contrast between the two characters’ agency is incredibly interesting to say the least.

Now let me explain what I mean by this, last time I wrote a whole essay about why Shadow’s agency in his devotion to justice is so important, and why he shouldn’t be tied to a morality pet in order to be an unambigous hero, but when you look at Eggman’s character there is a surprising contrast in his own agency and there’s a lot to be said about it.

Just like Sonic, canonically we don’t know much about Eggman’s past other than the fact that Gerald was his hero and role model, but what we do know is that we all did it together he didn’t know exactly what went down when the ARK got shut down, so we can confirm that for all intents and purposes Eggman most likely never angsted about his grandpa’s death, chances are he may have not been aware of it and by the time he did, he probably couldn’t care less by that point. (As a matter of fact, in SA2 when he mentions he found Gerald’s diary, he was more interested in the benefits he could get from it instead of what exactly happened to his grandfather) With this in mind, it’s safe to assume that Eggman did not endure a difficult childhood and probably it was quite the contrary, after all we are talking about a psychopatic manchild who’s massive ego has an endless hunger for attention, that ego had to come from somewhere.

This is a stark contrast with Shadow, who’s past we know very well, he has every reason to hate humans and do evil out of vengeance, whereas Eggman quite frankly lacks any reason whatsoever to hold grudges against the world.

Not only that, but unlike Shadow, Eggman’s motivations are completely selfish. When you think about it, Eggman has gotten chances to redeem himself, he’s worked with Sonic before and in the end of SA2, he got a moment to reflect with Tails...and yet, he still decides to be evil and if that wasn’t enough, with each game he appears to get progressively worse. Why? Because Eggman lacks empathy, he understands others' suffering but is too apathetic, as long as it doesn’t affect him it’s not his problem. All Eggman cares about is having the world all for himself, as he puts it, it doesn’t matter how much damage he causes as long as there is something to conquer, even if he has to enslave others or take lives for that matter. He doesn’t care about allies and when he does show care for his creations, he’s pretty much congratulating himself and we know from the E-Series robots’ perspective that living as Eggman’s creation is not pretty. This makes quite the contrast with how Shadow is troubled by the idea of making a bad use of his powers.

Okay, but what does this have to do with Eggman and Shadow being the extension of Gerald’s will? Simple, Eggman goes against everything his grandfather stood for, but in a way serves as a perfect representation of Gerald’s genius being used for wrong, and in a way mirrors how he ended when he eventually went insane.

Gerald dedicated his life to the benefit of mankind and was genuinely a good man who loved his creations as family, hence him considering Shadow his son, and he clearly cared about life-forms like him and Emerl having a soul and being individuals rather than weapons of war. Eggman in contrast only lives for his selfish desires and prefers a world where everyone is devoid of a soul, only living for the benefit of him. Meanwhile, Shadow being a hero out of his own will fits perfectly with the legacy old Gerald had, not because such role was imposed on him, but because that’s his nature.

When Gerald went insane, you can say that he became just as selfish as the people he condemned, because once he jumped the slippery slope, he only cared about satisfying his own wrath and eventually threw away his previous philanthropist ideals. In a way, while not motivated by revenge, Eggman fits perfectly with that selfishness that corrupted Gerald and could be seen as a representation of that darker side of the genius of the Robotnik family being used for malicious purposes.

Shadow represents the good legacy of Gerald while Eggman represents the darkness of it. Both characters had moments where they could have taken another path, but whereas Shadow eventually had the maturity to move on and do good because that’s the right thing to do regardless of having every reason to hold a grudge and not do so, Eggman chose to do evil because he simply refuses to change, the world never wronged him and gave him chances for an epiphany but the doctor is just too emotionally stunted and self-centered to ever change his ways, if there’s no Eggman Empire, life simply has no meaning for him.

Honestly, while Sonic will always be Eggman’s nemesis, I find it fascinating to notice just how deep Shadow and Eggman’s parallels could get, in a way, they can really reinforce the message that it’s choices what defines people, not their past. I think exploring the deeper implications of this makes the Robotnik family more interesting and even somewhat tragic, and is something that could have a lot of potential. Shame that IDW had the perfect chance to explore that but completely wasted it, but that’s besides the point.

Am I analysing a bit too much a franchise about a blue hedgehog? Probably, but it’s still pretty fun.

#sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #dr ivo robotnik #dr eggman #opinion

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theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin · 4 years

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First, I just want to say that I love reading your rants/head cannons/opinions. I find them VERY entertaining and true. Now, I read your opinions on James, Sirius, Harry, Ron, and Hermione. I want to know what you think of Draco and Neville. I honestly think that Draco is an asshole, but I want to know exactly what you think. P.S. Can't wait for the next chapter of "When Harry Met Tom"

Well, at the very least, I’m glad I’m entertaining.

Now for Draco and Neville, interesting choices actually, I don’t usually spend much thought on those two. Never the less, let’s dive in and see what we find.

Draco Malfoy

There’s a lot of varying opinion on Draco Malfoy. In my long tenure of stalking the internet, fanfiction, and even more fanfiction I’ve found that in many cases he ceases to actually be a character but instead becomes this unholy agglomeration of tropes people like.

Seriously, Draco Malfoy isn’t even a person anymore. He’s leather pants.

What’s interesting to me is that it’s not even always the same tropes. Well, you tend to see the same ones bandied about, but it’s not even like characters like Tom Riddle or Hermione Granger where I can usually narrow it down to a few very precise characterizations you see everywhere. Draco’s all over the place.

You have bad boy Draco who’s varying levels of actually being bad boy so that we can use him instead of a young Tom Riddle. This is generally in stories where an author wants an antihero or else villain love interest, they like the Draco or bad boy aesthetic, but Tom Riddle is too spicy for Yog Sothoth. So Draco reminds us he’s evil a lot, he usually betrays our main love interest in a dramatic yet inevitable moment, but he’s not the purest of evil. He leaves the puppy beside the well and watches as Tom drowns it for him. Despite this the story will often pretend that Draco’s the most evil of evil to raise the stakes.

You have non-problematic Draco who suddenly was never a Death Eater, or perhaps his family was always filled with spies for the Order of the Phoenix, who only pretended to hate muggleborns and really has been on the good side this whole time! Alternately, Draco was on the bad side, but within two seconds of the fic he’s switched sides and we’re told it’s cool now because Draco understands.

You have Sexy McLeatherPantsFace Draco who never left My Immortal but authors will claim, should you ask, that bisexual overly emotional Draco’s characterization is nothing like My Immortal’s and how dare you imply such things you swine! Really, his pervasive existence is why My Immortal is such a great satire.

The list goes on but basically Draco’s whatever people need or want him to be to an absurd degree and it always makes me laugh. Oh Draco, what have they done to you? Are you even in there anymore?

Right, where do I land on Draco? Honestly, he’s a bit like Ron in that he has severe character flaws but he’s not goddamn insane like Harry or Hermione.

Mostly though, I just don’t take him seriously.

Throughout the book series he’s an ass, he’s that rich, elitist, entitled jackass that we all have run into at some point or another. He’s the kid who legitimately thinks ‘my father will hear about this’ is a threat and constantly abuses his relationship with Severus Snape just to show how cool he is ‘he practically makes Snape dish out punishment to Harry and Ron needlessly, and Snape is such a sad ridiculous man he actually goes along with it and panders to this brat’.

Draco’s the kind of ridiculous fucking person who pretended to not have the use of his arm for months just so he could get Hagrid fired. When, honestly, Lucius still could have gotten Hagrid fired probably without Draco’s very non-compelling evidence. (Now, that said, I do believe Hagrid never should have had the job/should have been fired, but that’s a different story). And then, when he realized not having an arm kind of sucked, he was miraculously healed.

Harry takes Draco and his rivalry very seriously because he’s also an adolescent, lacks perspective, and just isn’t that bright but Draco is fucking ridiculous and half the time he’s embarrassing himself. I mean, the guy buys his position onto the Slytherin team with an absurd amount of money, and he still loses matches to the Gryffindor team. Draco should never be living that down.

So, basically, I never at any point take Draco seriously. He’s just a kid with a big mouth who grew up in a very racist household and never has any idea what he’s talking about ever. He’s not inherently evil, not particularly good either, he’s just a kid who’s more obnoxious than your usual brand of kid.

I never imagined him particularly good looking (I believe his features are described as pinched or something), I never really saw the appeal in either making him more evil than he was or else redeeming him, he’s kind of the comic relief we all needed in our lives but is really there to keep the filler plot going to give Harry and the gang time to stew on the bigger Hogwarts mysteries. Without Draco what would we even do for hundreds of pages?

When it comes to book six he starts getting a little interesting in that his life completely falls apart but I think many fics paint him as far more self aware than he was. He knows his family is in deep trouble but I don’t think he realizes they’re being punished. I don’t think he realizes that Tom setting up camp in Casa Malfoy is a direct response to a) his failure with the diary b) his failure with the prophecy. Well, he might, but I imagine Lucius or Naricssa had to point it out to him. More, I think he genuinely believes he is meant to succeed in the task of assassinating Dumbledore.

He never realizes that Voldemort fully expects him to fail, that this task is just to essentially torture Draco for months, and when Draco does fail Voldemort will then murder him in front of Lucius saying, “AND THAT’S WHY WE DON’T SELL TOM RIDDLE’S THINGS!” This I think is evident in Draco accepting Bellatrix’s help, but not Snape, legitimately thinking that he has to achieve this on his own and that the Dark Lord has given him this Very Important Task (TM).

Basically, Draco’s a kid over his head and doesn’t even realize he’s in over his head. More, I think even in book seven he still believes in the dark lord’s cause. It’s all become this weird madhouse but we don’t ever really see him come to grips that this is madness. It’s hard to tell because we’re from Harry’s perspective, but Draco never really seems all that unwilling of a Death Eater. Instead he’s very proud to have become one and sure, Hogwarts got a little weird, but that’s okay!

In other words, I don’t think Draco ever really had that redemption arc people thought he did or hoped he would. Harry just saves his life, Narcissa is forever grateful to Harry, and then Draco continues to shuffle along in life perhaps in a daze wondering what even happened.

TL;DR Draco’s just a guy.

Neville Longbottom

Oh man, poor Neville, why is he even friends with the gang when they treat him like such garbage all the time? Neville’s kind of like the friend who’s sort of friends with this one social group but they constantly forget him except when it’s convenient to them.

Not just forget him but brush him off, make fun of him, and barely speak with him.

Neville has no friends and it’s really just sad that he’s stuck with these people.

As for Neville himself, he seems nice, that’s really all I have on him. We don’t see too much of him, his life is garbage from beginning to end (his relatives throw him out a goddamn window), he’s treated like trash by everyone and no one respects him but he still seems nice.

Not particularly interesting, but a nice enough kid who doesn’t deserve to be treated like shit all the time. That said, I guess somebody’s got to be Gryffindor comic relief and plot convenience, so it’s time for Neville to forget the passwords yet again and be left out all night because portraits suck.

#ask #anon #harry potter #head canons #draco malfoy #neville longbottom

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 3 years

Text

Sun and Fun (S2, E12)

I can’t believe FOX has cancelled this absolute masterpiece of a show. I’m devastated. I’d like to think we’ll get picked up by another network for season 3 but I’m a pessimist and I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’ll be hanging around the fandom either way though.

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:20 - Malcolm losing it in Martin’s cell? *chef’s kiss*. 1) excellent performance by Tom. 2) This is the Malcolm mental health content I subscribed for. This is Malcolm feeling overwhelmed, helpless, worthless, and frustrated all at the same time. This. Is. Wonderful. And. Realistic. This is what overwhelming anxiety (especially if you have an anxiety disorder) can feel like. It builds and builds until all of a sudden you’re consumed with all this nervous energy and frustration and it all turns to rage in an instant. But you’re not angry at other people. You don’t want to hurt anyone. That rage is just self hatred because you hate that you feel this broken and your stupid brain won’t function normally.

0:33 - annnnd then when the excess nervous energy is spent but that feeling of self-hatred, despair, and fear still remains - you’re physically exhausted and 7/10. times you cry. Again, crying because of how stupid you feel for your little rage outburst, for how stupid you feel for feeling this terrible all the time. Malcolm is depicting a severe anxiety episode perfectly (in my experience) and THIS is why FOX is moronic for cancelling the show. The gorgeous and accurate depictions of mental health in Prodigal Son is unprecedented, truthful, and heartbreaking. It’s like nothing else on television.

0:50 - This kind of hurts. Look at how cautiously Dani enters the room. Almost as if Malcolm is a wild animal she doesn’t want to scare. It makes sense given the state of the room she just entered and how completely openly and uncharacteristically vulnerable Malcolm is. I will say this though, despite how cautious she is, it’s obvious that she cares about Malcolm more than whatever happened before she walked into the room.

1:03 - “So all eyes are on his head case son right?” This line is a direct quote from Malcolm’s anxiety disorder and depression. This is how you feel about yourself when in the middle of an anxiety episode when you’re also depressed. BUT OUR GIRL DANI!!! <3 This girl looks confused and concerned to hear Malcolm diss himself like that. The fact that she tries to comfort him when he’s in this state, makes her an absolutely A++ friend.

1:11 - “No one cares about that.” “I CARE. I can’t live like this.” This scene resonates with me so so so much. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been 100% aware of how irrational my anxieties are and simultaneously 100% unable to do a damn thing about it because I’m too scared of who I’d be without the fear. Because I’ve defined myself by my anxieties for so long that it’s become the only definable element of my personality visible to me. I’m getting that vibe from Malcolm. I’m sure that’s exactly how he’s feeling right now.

1:30 - “That’s not what scares you. What scares you is living the rest of your life without your father in it.” Dani knows and I felt personally called out. THIS EMOTIONAL WHUMP IS GIVING ME LIFE. <3

1:39 - Look at our floppy haired, devastated boy. :( <3 I’m genuinely shook that he didn’t have a full mental breakdown this episode (but it’s coming....it’s inevitable at this point :) ). ALSO the look of absolute love and concern Dani is shooting towards Malcolm? Absolutely perfect. <3

1:51 - I genuinely find it so interesting that Malcolm keeps referring to “The Surgeon” as “Martin”. If you read my thoughts on 2x11 you know I think it’s because Malcolm has separated ‘Martin Whitly’ into three separate people in his head. “The Surgeon” = the serial killer who traumatized him and ruined his childhood. “Dad/Father” = the man who loved and cared for baby!Malcolm. But “Martin” = unknown. Malcolm doesn’t know who Martin is yet and it scares him.

1:58 - “For once in your life slow down and acknowledge what this is doing to you.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this line. So. So. SO. MUCH. <3 <3 This is the kind of comfort Malcolm needs. SOMEONE needs to tell him that he’s breaking, it’s not his fault, and he doesn’t deserve to suffer for Martin.

2:07 - annnnnnd Malcolm has gone full crazy-person string murder board. He’s right but he’s still acting like a manic crazy person. Like, a real one. Not his usual manic behaviour. This is straight up - this boy needs medication, a nap, therapy, and a doctor. Now.

2:34 - Ugh. This whole cop/Vivian scene made my skin crawl. So gross. So creepy. I hate Capshaw. So much. This woman is manipulative, evil, and so so creepy. The cop was also gross. But I 100% thought she was going to kill the cop because this felt like an opening scene to Criminal Minds.

4:38 - “THEY WERE HAVING SEX.” hhahahahahahaha holy shit. This is both hilarious and really upsetting (not just because Martin/Capshaw is NASTY). Malcolm is manically, yelling about his theories in a room full of people who love him. He sounds crazy. He’s acting crazy and Dani, JT, and Gil are just staring at him with a mixture of disbelief, concern, and sympathy. <3 It’s heartbreaking. Malcolm is an inch away from a mental breakdown. I’m here for it.

4:49 - “TMI bro.” <3

5:05 - Ugh. This breaks my heart. The team doesn’t think Malcolm is crazy. They just know he’s at the end of his rope. The looks they’re exchanging aren’t based in anger, contempt, or a lack of trust. They’re based in concern and I LOVE IT.

5:21 - LOOK AT OUR BABY. He’s breaking. He’s so close. :( Look at how desperate he is to find Martin.

5:35 - “That’s exactly what it means.” “Gil, please. You know how much I need this.” THIS HURTS. Gil isn’t angry here - he’s frustrated and scared for Malcolm. And Malcolm? This boy is toeing the line of a full breakdown in front of 3 of his favourite people - that’s out of character for him. Despite the shaking hand and general mania - Malcolm usually refrains from raising his voice in front of Dani and JT. He tries to stay calm-ish so he doesn’t get labelled as ‘violent’ like his serial killer father.

5:39 - “StOp. I am scared.” Dani knew exactly how to diffuse the situation. Malcolm can be manipulative and dysfunctional but he never wants to scare people (at least, not unless they’re suspects or obstructing justice).

5:46 - “I’m not ordering you this time. I’m begging you.” Papa!Gil’s seen Malcolm like this before. SO WHY IS NO ONE HUGGING MALCOLM?!?! The boy is clearly coming apart at the seams.

5:48 - Malcolm’s reaction to Gil sending him home is gorgeous. He looks sad, betrayed, and resigned. It’s as though he’s convinced himself that the team doesn’t trust him or care about him anymore. He doesn’t walk out angry. He walks out sad and determined. Head held high but eyes full of grief.

5:54 - I’d give anything to have heard the conversation between Dani, JT, and Gil after Malcolm left the room. ANYTHING.

6:02 - “He thinks I’m a liability.” No. Not exactly. He thinks Malcolm is in the throws of a mental health crisis and that he shouldn’t be responsible for catching his serial killer father. Again.

6:15 - “I support Gil’s decision. That does not mean I want your father dead.” #coparenting but also, true. I honestly don’t think Jessica wants Martin dead. I think she wants Ainsley and Malcolm to be happy and free from Martin but not dead. She knows that Malcolm might never recover from Martin’s death with all of his unanswered questions and suppressed childhood trauma. She also knows that Ainsley would always resent being prevented from bonding with her father. I think Jessica still loves Martin - well, the man she thought she married. Jessica doesn’t care for Martin Whitly. But she loves the man he pretended to be and even though she knows he wasn’t real - she doesn’t want him to die. I think she wants him to disappear (maybe get transferred to a prison in a different state?) but she doesn’t want him dead. That would make her no better than the serial killer (in Jessica’s mind anyways).

6:25 - “You have become consumed by this Malcolm.” Check out the side eyed look Ainsley gives Malcolm. She’s jealous. Her brother is on the verge of a mental breakdown but she’s jealous of the attention he’s getting from Jessica. I get it - Jessica hasn’t been the best mom to Ainsley. BUT GIRL, gain some perspective. Don’t you care about your brother?!?! That should trump the jealousy for a few minutes at least.

6:35 - “I love you.” <3 <3 <3 I’m going to cry. This might be my favourite Jessica+Malcolm moment to date. So precious.

6:43 - THIS. “I love you. Both of you. More than I hate him.” This is why Jessica doesn’t want Martin dead.....but she also doesn’t care if he lives. I know that sounds like a contradiction but it’s a real thing and if you’ve never felt that way about someone - I pray you never have to.

7:06 - “Then she’s a victim.” .....I disagree. Capshaw had a (weird and manipulative) consensual relationship with Martin. She has as much of an agenda as Martin (although, Jessica didn’t know that here). Capshaw isn’t a victim. She’s not being compliant with Martin as a form of self-preservation or fear. She’s doing it because she’s a manipulative crazy person who is in love with a convicted serial killer.

7:45 - I’ve never felt this unsettled while watching Prodigal Son. Capshaw showing her true colours is so so so disturbing. This woman is insane (with all the stigma). The dress. The martini (Jessica’s favourite drink?). The fact that she dressed Martin up in a suit. The music. The weirdly elegant wheelchair. The lovey way she’s talking. It all makes my skin crawl.

8:33 - OMG. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel bad for Martin Whitly?!?!?!

9:55 - JESSICA AND MALCOLM doing a rich person ambush tag-team IS AMAZING. <3

9:57- How sad is this? 23 years and Jessica still can’t walk into a room without people whispering and judging her behind her back. :( This woman keeps her head held high - despite the pain she must be in - she’s a superhero. Change my mind.

10:30 - "Malcolm Whitly? You're.." I have this headcanon that the general public assumes Malcolm is dead. He changed his last name and fell off the grid. People treat Jessica like a social pariah so she wouldn't be able to tell them otherwise. And sure, Ainsley referred to Malcolm in the present tense during her Surgeon interview but how many people actually watched it actually paid attention to that little tidbit after Martin went full blown psychopath on camera? Plus, no one really cares about the Surgeon's son enough to look him up 23 years later. At least, no one who matters.

11:25 - Like mother, like son. You can't change my mind. They have the same manipulation style. It's justice based and determined. Ainsley and Martin's style? Vindictive and self-serving.

11:30 - Oh look. ANOTHER CONTINUITY ERROR. WHO PROOFREADS THESE SCRIPTS?!? I CAN’T KEEP OVERLOOKING THESE. For God’s sake. Send copies of the script to fans who sign NDAs or something. At least we know what happened in previous episodes.

12:33 - "Gross." I'm with Ainsley on this one.

12:45 - "My assistant." "Long suffering". hahahha omg. I love this for two reasons: 1) it's hilarious 2) it's true. Malcolm literally disposed of a body for Ainsley. He's her assistant and he's suffered for it.

13:05 - Yo. This dude is whack. Like this is some serious Stockholm's syndrome going on here. Vivian is his hero?!? .........I can't.

13:55 - Why do the gifts Vivian sends Zeiger look like human bones? Damn this is twisted. This is like some sort of twisted serial killer pseudo-trophy situation?

14:52 - "I don't think Vivian is the victim here. I think our father is." Yikes. This is not going to help Malcolm's mental stability. At all. He's been trying to fully accept that his father is a serial killing monster who was literally never capable of loving him for the past 23 years. BUT NOW our boy has taken the role of 'good son' (prodigal son is you will) and has returned to his 10 year old mentality "I love dad. Dad loves me." and 'dad' is in trouble. Malcolm is trying to save his serial killer father and the emotional and mental hoops he's jumping through are terrifying, complex, and hauntingly realistic. <3 It's gorgeous.

15:04 - "I'm not used to this type of confinement." I love this line because of how deeply it rings true. Martin isn't used to confinement. Sure, he's been chained to a wall for 23 years but he's been relatively happy about it. He's been able to manipulate Malcolm and the other inmates. He's been given TV time, phone time, consultations, books, music, free food, and a massive private cell (seriously that cell is as big as the bachelor's suite I rent for $900 CAD a month). The man has been living a life of luxury (given his crimes). His only 'punishment'? He's stuck inside his cell and he's not allowed to kill anymore. THIS is Martin truly suffering. I kind of feel bad for him (which I never thought I'd say).

15:20 - Damn. Michael Sheen is incredible. He's genuinely making me feel concerned and scared for Martin.

15:32 - Something tells me a man hurt Capshaw in some way throughout her life. This has to be deeper than the whole "I didn't fit into the 'boys club' of surgery". Her issues with men are aggressive and alarming. This woman is nuts. This woman is why I hesitate to call myself a feminist (I generally think we should drop the titles of feminist/misogynist/racist/homophobe... and just treat people with respect. I think the titles and groups just further divide people.)

15:50 - "You're finally free." Yep. Capshaw is a nutcase. She actually believes that she's committed a perfect crime.

16:09 - This place has virtually no furniture but I’m expected to believe someone is paying the phone bill?!?! Nah.

17:08 - That. Smile. This woman is a devil. Like, I think I hate her as much as I hate Umbridge. But unlike Umbridge, Capshaw is downright terrifying.

17:12 - Was anyone else kind of surprised that Martin called Jessica? I mean, I guess she was a safer choice than the cops but still...

17:20 - As creepy and this whole ‘Martin is a victim’ thing is - it’s kind of nice? Like - I just keep thinking “How does it feel Martin?!?! This is how you made your victims feel. Do you like it?” and then I realize I’m a terrible person.

17:55 - Ainsley’s in on this. I swear, she’s somehow involved with either Capshaw or Martin.

18:18 - Oh look. Martin is shackled to the bed. Just like Malcolm shackles himself to bed so he can sleep every night. .....I keep oscillating between being vindictive toward Martin and feeling bad for him. That’s what makes this show incredible. The ‘villain’ is human and 3 dimensional.

18:44 - Oh God. The psychopath is jealous. This woman is UNSTABLE. How has no one locked her up yet?!?

19:43 - She’s crying. She’s actually crying. Even the rewatch of this scene is painful. I just feel so uncomfortable (which was probably the intent) and I hate both characters. They’re both actively trying to manipulate each other and it’s so creepy. Damn.

20:15 - Holy. Shit. This woman is by far the scariest villain Prodigal Son has given us.

21:17 - ..............I have nothing to say. My brain has short circuited. I can’t get past how horrifying this scene is. She’s a maniac.

21:57 - No one will make eye contact with Malcolm. :( They all think he’s losing it but they’re not scared of him. They’re scared for him.

22:10 - “A trusted member of my team has a theory I run it down.” THANK YOU GIL. SUBTLY TELL MALCOLM THAT YOU TRUST HIM. That’s what he needed to hear. He was doubting that anyone cared. :(

22:45 - “Do you HeAr yourself?!?” Ouch. Gil’s right - Malcolm sounds nuts. Unfortunately, Malcolm’s also right (more or less). Look at how sad Malcolm is - he honestly looks like he’s on the verge of a panic attack. :( Malcolm thinks Gil doesn’t trust him anymore. Malcolm thinks Gil thinks he’s crazy. It’s heartbreaking. SOMEONE HUG THIS LITTLE CINNAMON ROLL.

22:54 - JT, buddy. Not the time. You’re making this worse. :( Malcolm is two breaths away from crying.

23:40 - “Dani, you up for this? Cause he sure isn’t.” Gil is losing it. Look at him. Gil is watching the boy he considers as his son unravel and Gil can’t do anything about it.

23:45 - “Either way, he’s going there. I’ll keep an eye on him.” I love Dani for this. Brightwell or not - the fact that she’s willing to chase smoke in an attempt to keep Malcolm from having a full mental breakdown makes her a hero.

23:48 - JT, hug Gil! He needs a hug!

24:16 - Martin is screaming while shackled to a bed.....where have I seen this before?

25:39 - “I did this for you because you needed it.”....”Dani, I respect you.” Excuse me while I go sob in the corner. Malcolm just uttered the words “I respect you.” and my heart exploded.

26:11 - “You don’t care. None of you care if my father lives or dies.” No, Malcolm, you’re wrong. They care. They all care so so much. Not about the life of the Martin Whitly though. They care about how Martin Whitly will continue to torment you if he’s caught alive. They care about how badly you’ll grieve if he ends up dying. They care about how this will affect YOU. because they love you.

26:22 - “You would be free.” SAY IT LOUDER DANI! He’d be in enormous pain for a while, but Malcolm would heal.

26:56 - “Let him go, Malcolm.” <3 <3 Malcolm is listening to Dani. He’s opening up about his fears. This is good (for Malcolm’s mental health). I am happy.

27:04 - WOW BABY! That kiss was......passionate? I mean, we all knew they were going to kiss (thanks previews) but I honestly didn’t expect a kiss this long or passionate? They’ve both been clearly denying their feelings for each other for a while though so I guess it makes sense?

27:20 - We all know Dani was going to talk about how they could make a relationship work for them and/or how she loves Malcolm but thinks he should focus on his mental health before they start dating. BUT MALCOLM? That boy thinks he just ruined his friendship with Dani and I’m heartbroken. Look at his sad little face. :(

28:31 - sooooo when exactly did Malcolm’s phone call drop? I feel like Ainsley had more access to the conversation that just what she shares with Dani in a couple of minutes.

29:08 - Look at this sad, scared little boy. He genuinely thinks that saving Martin will earn Martin’s love. I’m heartbroken.

29:22 - THIS. Malcolm is so desperate for Martin’s love that he essentially consented to being kidnapped, tortured, and potentially murdered. :( This is bad.

30:06 - Malcolm took unknown drugs from a crazy person. UGH. The stress of loving this unstable man-child is going to kill me. I’m so worried for him. ALSO WHO THE HELL CHEWS PILLS?!?! That’s disgusting.

30:24 - Dani thinks Malcolm is being a typical guy - terrified of relationships/talking about his feelings. She’s hurt. The Brightwell ship has encountered another storm.

30:35 - Anyone else get major flashbacks to 1x11 when Gil shows up to the townhouse to tell Jessica that Malcolm’s been kidnapped? You know, when he walks past all the reporters?!

30:50 - Ugh. :( Poor Jessica. That call from Capshaw gave her quite the emotional dilemma. As she said earlier, she loves her children more than she hates Martin. Soooo does she tell someone about the call, save Martin, and let Martin continue to torment her children? Or does she let Capshaw kill Martin, compromise her morals, let her children grieve for a while - but ultimately heal? It’s an impossible choice.

31:13 - “I know why you’re anxious Jess.” UGH. Get yourself a man you looks at you the way Gil look at Jessica. So much love. So much concern. If Gil wasn’t fictional and I wasn’t asexual (and 24) I would marry that man.

31:23 - “He has become convinced that his father is a victim in all of this.” Gil is so upset. He’s angry - at Martin for having this much power over Malcolm so many years later. He’s angry that Malcolm is still suffering so much because of his father. He’s upset because Martin is still hurting the people Gil loves 23 years after he was initially arrested.

31:33 - “There’s no good outcome here Jess.” Thank you. Gil is a man with awareness into Malcolm’s psyche. He knows this is going to hurt Malcolm no matter what happens. He’s scared and he’s bracing himself for impact. I love him. I want more people in the world who love people this deeply.

31:50 - “It’s okay to hope for that you know.” THANK YOU GIL. THANK YOU. Someone needed to tell Jessica that she’s not a monster for wanting the reason her children continue to suffer to disappear (even if tha means he dies). It’s not a malicious, evil thought toward Martin. It’s a hope for her children’s wellbeing.

32:04 - “And in my weaker moments, I want him dead too.” <3 I’m imagining Gil praying that Martin is killed by an inmate after he comforts a teenage Malcolm from a nightmare. I’m imagining Gil praying Riker’s finally kills Martin as he watched Malcolm spiral into Martin’s grasp again last year. I’m imagining Gil crying himself to sleep because he’s so damn tired of watching Jessica and Malcolm suffer because of Martin. I love him for it. <3

32:15 - “Maybe things could be different.” .....I’m sorry. Does this mean Gillica is off again?! The flirting and dancing from 2x9 meant nothing?!? It was a hoax?!? I’m furious.

32:35 - “It’s the actions that matter.” Damn. Gil is too good for the nonsense that is the Whitly family. Doesn’t he know that life isn’t always that simple?

32:46 - Annnnnd now Jessica will convince herself that she’s a bad person because she didn’t tell anyone about Capshaw’s call. She will also convince herself that she’s not good enought for Gil. AND I will cry myself to sleep.

32:55 - That hug <3 Sooooo Gillica is still on? I’m hella confused.

33:05 - There it is. Dani is still upset with Malcolm. The Brightwell ship is taking in water my dudes.

33:52 - Wow. He looks pretty in that makeshift hospital bed. Sleeves rolled up. Shirt half unbuttoned. Glazed, disoriented look about him as he wakes from a drugged sleep. <3 I’m in heaven.

34:30 - This is why Malcolm can never let Martin go. There are moments when Martin absolutely convinces Malcolm that he loves him.

34:50 - “Because he also happens to be my father.” THIS. IS. THE. MOST. REALISTIC. PORTRAYAL. OF. ABUSIVE. DADDY. ISSUES. Take from someone who lived through an abusive Dad. You hate him. You know he’s messed up. You don’t like or respect him. But a part of you will always love him. Even though you hate that part of yourself.

35:12 - “I want all of you.” .....I’m terrified. This woman is crazy. Crazier than the Surgeon. Is that possible?

36:05 - “You want him to love you. But he can’t.” Have you said that to yourself Malcolm? You know that logically but you don’t feel that in your heart. ....and the writers don’t know that because we’ve seen that Martin loves Malcolm? Sort of? Unless the writers are playing some sort of weird long con on us.

36:50 - This is whump content I signed up for. This crazy bitch just killed Malcolm. We saw the terror in his eyes. BUT HE LIVES. So. I’m. Here. For. It.

36:58 - Martin’s devotion to Malcolm is so so interesting to me. Martin is a psychopath - he’s not supposed to be capable of love. But he clearly loves Malcolm. How? Why? It makes no sense but I love it?

37:47 - Malcolm’s little wheeze when Vivian starts mitigating the embolism. <3 So cute.

37:53 - “I can do without the mansplaining.” I’m getting PTSD. There are too many real women who are this crazy about feminism and mansplaining (this is coming from a woman). Martin isn’t trying to ‘mansplain’ he’s scared and he’s trying to save his son. That’s not mansplaining. He’s not explaining something because he thinks Vivian doesn’t know it. He’s explaining something in a desperate attempt to remind her of the severity of the situation.

38:16 - HOW THE HELL did Ainsley and Dani know where Martin, Capshaw, and Malcolm were? Either 1) Ainsley is somehow working with Capshaw, or 2) they were able to trace Malcolm’s cell (assuming Capshaw didn’t trash it), or 3) Ainsley knew her mom was lying about that phone call and they had it traced?, or 4) this is a convenient plot thing.

38:34 - This bitch is devious and I hate her.

39:30 - Martin Whitly is the hero of the episode. What alternate reality are we living in?

41:15 - Malcolm struggling for breath. <3 The whumpers are being FED.

41:17 - “Run.” This is 23 years of guilt for turning his own father into the police surfacing.

41:31 - “Where’s my family?” I honestly don’t know how I feel about this line. It bothers me but I can’t figure out why.

41:43 - This ending sequence is a work of ART. Malcolm is in physical and emotional pain. Dani (without backup) trying to save Malcolm from Martin. The epic music. The shot of Dani seeing the blood-filled syringe next to the makeshift hospital bed+restraints. Martin Whitly. Driving. A. Boat. And. Laughing - completely elated - with Malcolm passed out (and looking adorable) in the aft seating. The fact that the ONLY house you can see on the shoreline is the house the just escaped from.

THIS EPISODE WAS EXCITING, STRESSFUL, AND WONDERFUL. I’m excited for the SEASON finale and I pray we get a season 3 from a network other than FOX.

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hinagamoizaf · 3 years

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On this day a year ago, I watched DA:LEK for the first time, and coincidentally received my degree results.

Ever since, I have been absolutely obsessed with Digimon again. This piece will contain spoilers to DALEK, and overall you’ll find I have a very nostalgic love for the anime. When I initially watched the film in theatres, my reaction was ‘oh okay, that was fun. Time to move on’. Very nonchalant, and obviously this was the first summer with Covid, the same summer I could have had my graduation ceremony. This is a roundabout way of saying I think I felt rather hollow during this period of time. I say ‘I think’ because honestly, it’s a blur to me. There wasn’t anything worth remembering and leading up to this, in general I was a bitter person.Like most people, I think I’ve just blocked out the lost time. So here was a fresh uni graduate, mourning over a page of her youth that wasn’t worth noting down; trying to be hopeful and find ways to mold herself into society as a ‘real adult’. I did have other plans and tried them out, not all of them flew with flying colours and had a dip towards the end of 2020. As would any other kid with an active imagination, I did what I knew best and distracted myself with writing. I don’t think I necessarily ‘channeled’ all these spiraling emotions into my work, something I’ve grown acquainted with in my poetry. I wanted to escape, hit pause and get myself lost in fiction again; another thing I used to do a lot but at a much younger age. If anyone’s seen DALEK, then I think you might find it ironic how I processed this transitional period by indulging myself in Digimon and writing fanfiction.

To completely make a clown of myself here, yes I had a good time watching the film and appreciated the message that came with it; both as a Digimon fan and a Literature dork who naturally over-analyzes everything. But for the first time since I was in diapers, simply put, I thought Yamato was really hot and he lived rent free in my mind until I was like ‘aight I need to do something with this realization I have a DigiHusbando because I’ve literally watched Digimon since I was a baby and for a baby all those characters are too old for me to have a crush on’.

Then (for the lack of a better word) a very childlike ‘desire’ of me came and I was like ‘hey Yamato’s hot, Hikari was my favourite character as a kid, I want to see them kiss’. Idk man, it’s the same vibes like when I played Barbies and I paired her with Ken because girl pink-boy blue. There’s some meaning there I don’t want to unpack yet. It started off as a ‘haha what if so crackship right’, but then I legitimately grew to love the idea of Yamato and Hikari as a couple. I am aware my version of them has heavy fanon elements, and again reflects my personal preferences in ships. I remember a time where I was so self-conscious of getting into fanfiction, because ‘I can’t do the character justice’ or ‘I don’t know enough of the canon’. Yeah, I appreciate it when an author can play off that, when their depiction of these characters is something you’d actually see happening in the show. But overtime I was just like ‘...I just want to have fun man, here’s them going on their first date via Yama’s bloody motorcycle’.

I just found a way to be happy with my crackhead interpretation of Yakari while gushing over what the OG story had to offer. As this was happening, I was revisiting the existence of DALEK, and I fell in love with the film. I know this is coming together as a ‘right time and place’ type of situation, and it was. From that time and place, I took it and went ham & cheese on it.

Just thinking about what happens in DALEK now and how the themes of Digimon have always, always been about the children’s growth; I actually get a physical sadness from my gut. Someone’s going to read this & think I’m insane, but to make a comparison literally only I understand, I’ve only gotten this feeling with Kimi no Na wa and Little Women (2019) in recent memory. Which for all the ways I can’t quite express with the English language, means I really fucking love DALEK. It has impacted me artistically as much as it left its mark on me as a person and my views on life. Over the past year, this intense love over a children’s anime has helped me put into perspective my own messy thoughts on growing up. About finding your own healthy relationship with things from a ‘simpler time’ that spark joy and they can still invoke that feeling. Inevitably everyone grows up and it’s not something that waits for you to be ready with it; but you can find ways to embrace it and seize this new dawn according to your own terms.

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hayscodings · 4 years

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it’s full-blown depression hours any time i remember that every single aspect of penelope’s personality is informed by the trauma and abuse she endured growing up, and that there is no pre-trauma version of her that exists because her first life event— being given up for adoption— was traumatic in and of itself and then it was all downhill from there, being indoctrinated and abused by the sisters before being sold as a child bride to the blossoms who started grooming her from day one.

the fact that she was never able to escape her abusers and had to become a caretaker to arguably the worst one (i only say arguably because we don’t know anything about rose’s husband) is just the cherry on top of the nightmare sundae like i truly cannot imagine anything more psychologically damaging.

and of course she’s never gotten the professional help she needs, or even had anyone to help her through her pain and severe mental health issues. literally no meaningful relationships, friends or family, outside of the blossoms which has contributed significantly to her inability to grow emotionally and move past their abuse as well as develop healthier coping mechanisms and unlearn all of their toxic beliefs and behaviors.

like she’s always been in the uniquely isolating position of having no one with an outer perspective to tell her how fucked up her family/situation is and alert her to the reality that she deserves better and needs help in order to heal and create a better life for herself. the fact that she was forced to marry clifford, her equally traumatized brother who endured the same abuse and grooming that she did, and had no family of her own, robbed her of that.

there wasn’t a moment in penelope’s upbringing where she wasn’t being brainwashed, exploited, and manipulated by the adults around her, whose intentions were completely self-serving and nefarious. the only person she ever had in her corner was clifford, and he ended up betraying her by killing their son.

her entire existence has been colored by grief and suppression and helplessness and it is so insane to me how the fandom and writers are constantly glossing over this when everything she is is a direct result of these experiences? like she truly never stood a chance growing up alone and vulnerable in such an insular world (this applies to both the soqm and the blossom family) and so to expect her to function as a perfectly rational, well-adjusted adult is just so odd and unfair?

it took her over 30 years just to realize that she needed to stop defending and trying to be accepted by the blossoms even though she was aware of their abuse by the time she was sixteen (though it could have been earlier since she said she ‘quickly realized’ that her adoption had not been altruistic). like, that’s how deep her conditioning runs. that’s what happens when you have no one helping you.

to label her as evil and reduce her to her worst moments is so dismissive of everything she has been through and the little progress she has made (which shows potential). she makes a lot of poor choices and her way of going about things is certainly often wrong, yes, but that is entirely attributable to the trauma and abuse she has suffered (and the poor coping skills/behaviors she’s developed because of it) as opposed to an indication that she’s inherently a bad person. that is just not consistent with the narrative we’ve been given.

there’s a difference between making bad choices because you don’t care about the consequences and making bad choices because they’re all you know and you don’t foresee their negative consequences/understand the effect that they will have. it’s important to remember that penelope grew up being controlled and under someone else’s thumb since she was a baby. she was never allowed to make her own choices because her entire future was mapped out for her by the blossoms.

the college she went to? the lack of a career? the decision to get married? the person she married? the decision to have children? the place she lived? none of them were hers. no personal autonomy was ever afforded to her. you cannot expect her to make good choices when she wasn't even able to make her own choices until she was well into adulthood. and by then, any choices she made would inevitably be informed by her trauma (not to mention influenced by her abusers, since she never escaped them).

she has never been in an environment conducive to growing and healing, and the lack of assistance and support from any friends or family has not helped. but she has shown good intentions and an ability to listen and recognize when she has gone about something in the wrong way time and time again. she is not hopeless. her scene in 5x03 set the stage for so much growth, and i really hope the writers deliver on it because there has always been a great deal of potential with her character and it would be so satisfying to see her finally be able to break the cycle and make a better life for herself.

#this got away from me i just had a lot on my mind....#riverdale #penelope blossom #riverparents #parentdale #riverdale text #riverdale ramble

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posthumus · 4 years

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hullo boys, today i’m writing about my thoughts on the Dickie incident in Maurice. (potential content warning for sexual assault and pedophilia — if you’ve read the book, though, it won’t get more graphic than that)

i’ve actually always appreciated the Dickie scene, controversial though it is. i first read the book when i was fifteen — the same age as Dickie himself, iirc (EDIT: I did not, in fact, recall correctly; see here) — and i feel like i got it instantly: to me, it serves to highlight the extremely fucked-up attitudes towards sex society helps to internalize. that said, your mileage may vary on how much discomfort you’re able to withstand, and i think it’s completely fair to feel that the incident makes Maurice — the character and/or the book — irredeemable. i’m able to forgive a lot of the more problematic elements of Maurice because i think they’re adequately criticized in the text (at one point Forster literally calls Clive and Maurice misogynists). however, i don’t blame anyone for feeling uncomfortable with them. mostly, i’m trying to explain why i personally like the function of Dickie within the story, and why i think the whole episode requires a nuanced approach.

first up: i’ve seen the whole Dickie thing’s presentation interpreted as completely uncritical, which i think is pretty misinformed. i’ll certainly admit that at the start of the chapter, it’s quite ambiguous as to which way the novel will frame Maurice’s feelings. it’s extremely uncomfortable to read, especially in a modern context: there’s an element of suspense as you try to guess whether or not an author of this time period would have endorsed sexual assault. but the catharsis comes at the end of the next chapter, when the horror of the whole situation snaps into sharp focus: “was it conceivable that on sunday last he had nearly assaulted a boy?” for the previous chapter, Maurice had been kidding himself about the whole thing, and it doesn’t seem quite as rapey as it actually is; but then we’re thrown the word assault, and it becomes clear that we are, in fact, meant to understand that this was a horrible thing to even think of doing.

in my opinion, the book in no way endorses Maurice's thoughts — i actually think that, for his time, Forster was taking a pretty noble stance. the introduction to my copy of Maurice, by David Leavitt, includes a quote from Lytton Strachey, who wrote to Forster, “you apparently regard the Dickie incident with grave disapproval. why?” like, pederasty was still celebrated amongst a lot of gay men at the time. the fact that the Dickie thing reads so uncomfortably at all is a testament to Forster's (correct) stance on the issue; i think you're meant to be grossed the fuck out by Maurice's thoughts. (also, not that this exempts him from criticism, but Forster himself was assaulted as a child; i think he very much understood the gravity of what he was suggesting.)

secondly, Maurice is an EXTREMELY flawed character, and it seems ludicrous to suggest that we're expected to sympathize with all of his thoughts and actions. he's an asshole for most of the book. much emphasis is placed on the fact that Maurice is an entirely average man within his time, location, and class; his opinions and actions fall in line with that, which is why i’m personally okay with his misogyny (even though i’d throw hands with him in real life).

the big misunderstanding with a lot of Maurice’s flaws, i think, is that he isn’t a self-insert character, either for the reader or the author (consider the terminal note: “in Maurice i wanted to create a character who was completely unlike myself”). none of Forster’s characters are blank slates, to my mind — they all have extremely specific personalities; we’re not meant to be following them wholeheartedly the way we would with, say, Harry Potter. i worry some people read the book expecting to be able to back him 100%, but i think we're supposed to be observing Maurice, not putting ourselves in his shoes. (the omniscient narration helps with that, as we're told about elements of his psyche that Maurice himself isn't aware of. also, i’m no expert, so don't quote me here, but i think the concept of a self-insert protagonist is a sort of newer one? i feel like most books pre-mid-twentieth century have characters you're supposed to observe and criticize, and not wholly empathize with — Nick Carraway comes to mind.)

lastly on his flaws, i think the genre you place the book in influences how angry you are at Maurice. if you see it as a romance novel, which is certainly a fair reading, his sudden moments of insane fucked-up-ness make it much harder to root for him. i’ve come to see it as more of a bildungsroman, so i think the point is Maurice's mistakes; he has to reckon with a lot of his actions, including the Dickie incident.

the part of the whole Dickie debacle that’s the most fascinating to me is its context within Maurice’s discussion of sexuality. i think the Dickie incident showcases how sexual repression and internalized homophobia can pervert your perspective on all sexual relationships. within the novel, sex in general feels like something criminal (certainly in Maurice’s case this is true for sex between men; however, there are also the diagrams on the beach at the start of the book, and Anne’s complete lack of knowledge about sex when she marries Clive). if you view all sexual relationships as immoral, though, pedophilia and sexual assault become no more unethical than consensual sex. it’s interesting in that light, then, to compare the Dickie incident to the moment with the man on the train two chapters later: one absolutely should be illegal, but they are both interpreted by Maurice as obscene, and both (if acted upon) would have been criminal offenses. i also think it’s interesting that the man on the train is perhaps the closest comparison to Forster himself within the novel, as Forster, in middle age, cruised London’s public spaces in the hopes of finding someone to hook up with. while Maurice loathes the man on the train (David Leavitt’s introduction, again, discusses how Forster wrote a love story that deliberately excludes himself), i don’t think the reader is meant to.

personally, the Dickie scene resonates with me as someone attracted to women. being told that your own desires are inherently predatory doesn’t dispel those desires, but only makes you ashamed of them, and warps your perception of healthy sexuality. i tend to interpret Maurice’s feelings about Dickie more as intrusive thoughts than actual, tangible want — this kind of obscenity, to his mind, is inevitable for him. i don’t think Maurice would have actually assaulted Dickie. i think he was cracking under the pressures of an openly hostile society, while grappling with his own repression and unmet needs.

TL;DR — Maurice is a flawed character and Forster is critical of his actions. further, the Dickie incident gives us a striking picture of Edwardian society’s attitude towards all sexual relationships, which still has applications today; the episode also gives us insight into Maurice’s mental state. it’s uncomfortable, but in my opinion necessary to the core message of the book.

#swinging the bat at the hornet's nest huh #honestly though this was kinda fun to write #it's the first complete essay i've done in a while #idk. like comment subscribe maybe?? again this is just my opinion #i don't wanna go around acting like only my interpretation of the book is correct #just also like. stop trying to cancel classical literature for being classical literature #idk... the question is do i want this showing up in tags #maurice #em forster #my posts

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bullets-and-masks · 4 years

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Fantastic Flustercuck: Lore, Interesting points, and a little thinking through

Here we go! This list is really, really big. I’ll do a short analysis/critic later on, but I want to get this out now! We’ll have 4 sessions: 1. Krieg and the Crimson Raiders 2. Krieg and Maya 3. Krieg and Himself 4. Final Notes

Session 01: Krieg and the Raiders

Sane Krieg starts by calling Psycho Krieg him; and dividing their mind between two minds, as if there are thoughts only Psycho Krieg has that he can’t access and/or understand

There’s a constant JACK voiceover that can be heard anywhere. Sadly, I didn’t catch the words, but sounded like the pre recorded messages at the preserve in Bl2

The first section of the DLC, the Castle raid, is considered imporant because it’s the first mission Krieg did along with the Crimson Raiders after a while

During this section, we fight the raiders

Brick and Modercai come first. They talk about how Krieg is too crazy to be a part of the Raiders. Sane Krieg does not want to fight them. Psycho Krieg fights - but it’s fear

Tannis quickly accesses it as fear of rejection. Krieg always had an issue with how the Raiders see him

Despite this Sane Krieg does know they’re friends, his family

Also sane Krieg uses the word oaf and that’s like... really funny

In this, Tannis says she relates to fear of rejection, but quickly corrects saying she doesn’t care

There’s the implication that Krieg’s eye was clawed out by a skag

The “Evil Lilith” inside his head calls him an animal, a beast, a weapon just to be used. Says they never cared if he lived or died

Sane Krieg quickly corrects this isn’t how she spoke to us

Lilith is tagged as “Scary fire lady” and that’s kind of adorable

Sane Krieg shows Psycho Krieg an old memory about how the Raiders treat him, and it’s the Raiders inviting Krieg to a bar. They don’t mind how he acts and laugh along with him

But Krieg follows from a distance

The Raiders guard his buzzaxe = strenght and attack

Krieg has a dialogue with himself that goes sorta like: Sane Krieg: (smth about finding out who is he, really) Psycho Krieg: Fragile Things

Sane Krieg also mentions wanting to learn dance, saying he has to exercise to keep his abs, calling it “lean muscle”

Session 02: Krieg and Maya

Oh boy

As soon as they see a memory of Maya, Sane Krieg wants to be careful. He doesn’t want the memory corrupted like the Raiders’.

Krieg KNOWS she is dead

Sane Krieg says Maya is the only thing he and Psycho Krieg ever agreed on

despite this, during the DLC they seem to get along better and better, Krieg is really working on themselves

Maya drops her book before proceeding. The player has to go after. Flowers grow on the ground where we walk

Tannis states diferent brain activity readings at this point, saying Krieg can really focus on Maya

Maya is taken by Locomobius, the monster train, and Sane Krieg says it’s because at the time they met, Psycho Krieg thought the train was taking her

Maya tells him in a goodbye ECHO: “No matter how far appart we are, I’ll always be with you.”

The name of the mission to catch Locomobius and free the memories of Maya is what love remains

Sane Krieg says the memories are all he has left of Maya

There’s a flashback to when they met, and it shows that Maya invited Krieg to come with her because he showed knowing how to fight

She does call him Big Guy constantly

Krieg has memories of Athenas, implying he has been there

Athenas is guarded by eridians, here funcioning as guardians to the memories of Maya

This is all viewed by Tannis as the protections of a grieving mind

The flashback about when they met also reveals that Krieg expressed he didn’t think he had anything to offer Maya and she understood him

It it’s not explained, whoever, how she understands him, but it’s very strongly implied that she sees his through thoughts/the translation of psycho speech

Maya guards his gauntlet = his defenses and hope

Even now, Maya is still a figure of hope for him

Sane Krieg complains about how Psycho Krieg lost a watch that he cared for

Session 2.5: Maya’s Spirit

Maya’s Last ECHO Maya leaves for Krieg one last ECHO that explains why she’s staying on Athenas for an indefinite time - to teach Eva. She says she knows she’ll pass her powers to Eva which implies she suspects her death could be soon. She says she can feel all the sirens that came before her like energy flowing, and says that if she days she’ll be among the stars waiting for him. There’s the quote, from her: “Even death and time can’t keep us appart from each other.”

The Spirit Maya stays in Krieg’s mind in a shining black and white form. At first, It looks like it might be his perception of her, the way she appears in his mind, but upon further triggering dialogue, there’s a lot of things told from a perspective that make it sound like Krieg didn’t know, and that also Maya is aware of this new form for her.

Quotes say:

that she never thought she could care about anyone the way she cared about Krieg

says that Krieg’s mind is less messy than she thought it’d be

had noodles in Minus-Prime, and loves it

she dyes her hair!

Maya says with all the words Siren’s have the power to leave memory on objects, memory that are almost a spirt

So this could be a fragment of Maya, alive in Krieg’s mind through the last ECHO he ever got from her

Also her spirit also mentions that one day a hotel showed up in Athenas, she slept there, it was a super interesting place, and she woke up lying on grass the morning after. Mancubus’ traveling hotel?

Session 03: Krieg and Himself

And Hyperion.

Krieg was at Hyperion to do a job at a lab

but then was “taken” by them. also not specified if he was taken for doing the wrong job, or he was there not hired by them and was captured

It is not specified what job, but he does mention he was a mercenary

The scientist responsible for him was Dr Benedict, and the called the subjects rejects of society

Sane Krieg says the lab saw the subjects as just meat. This is easily read as way Psycho Krieg registers meat as something that matters so much

Dr Benedict considered/might have done it: sweing the mouths of subjects shut or extracting their tongues so they couldn’t complain

Sane Krieg was really soft y’all... He fights a rat while imprisioned and names it Tawanda - unclear what happens to it - but Krieg says they’ll take care of each other

Krieg tells Tawanda “I’m called Krieg”. In a further ECHO, Dr Benedict calls Krieg Subject 24C. So Krieg really isn’t his name, and he can’t remember it

There’s an audio from Dr Benedict about an non specific subject asking to see his son, which the dr considers crazy, but all the others audios, even if not mentioning Krieg by name, seemed to be about him...

Sane Krieg sits along with Pyscho Krieg in an aparent crumbled cell space watching shadows that he calls The World. It’s Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, here showing Krieg is content with the world presented to him, unable, weak or even afraid to explore. It speaks to a false meaning he found to have the sense of living without having the strenght to do so

the player destroys the allegory, thus freeing Sane Krieg to see the actual world, a further step in regaining his mind as a world to really live in - he truly was trapped in himself

Bloodlust is a type of psychosis studied by Dr Benedict. It’s unclear wheter he created it, or what is behind it, but he uses a gas to infect people

considers making a gas bomb to infect whole populations

there’s a line from the Dr about how brain probing worsed pyschosis

the gas didn’t affect Krieg like the others - it is also unclear why

a mission with a Fear Mom, completely referencing the Clockwork Orange, tells Krieg to drink Milk to grow strong so “no one will hurt you ever again.” This could be read as remnants of his past self, creating a place to feel cared for someway, but also embracing the ultraviolence of his being and the brainwashing he went through

this side mission rewards a gun with the flavor text our eyes are yet to open like a baby, or like someone who lacks clarity

Krieg cared a lot about people before going insane. He holds strongly to a sense of right and wrong he calls goodness, and values innocence a lot

The Psycho personality is a schism that showed up in several test subjects that manifested the same personality

Dr Benedict wanted to change the subject pool to see the relation and considers an elementary school class

Also considers putting the gas in water supply to infect people since the gas won’t work on open areas

Psycho Krieg saves Sane Krieg when he had given up on scaping

It is a bloodbath Psycho Krieg calls Tea Party

Sane Krieg sees this realization, about being saved and the Vault Hunter being inside his head, as Psycho Krieg letting people in

Hyperion kept his mask from him = “false face is protection”

Upon defeating the boss, the Gigantic Krieg tied to an experimentation bed fades.

After taking the mask, this Three Figures walk into a portal in his mind and disappear forever. Sane Krieg doesn’t remember who they are and remarks that he forgot his past entirely. But looks at Psycho Krieg and decides on Forging a future.

They tell jokes to each other constantly, though Psycho Krieg only tells a decent joke by the end of the DLC. The joke is the one coherent sentence he can make; showing a lot of progress in how he communicates, but not changing who he is. By the end, his mind is empty, and both Kriegs work together to fill it slowy with new memories and thoughts. They start with Maya, and keep creating until she says “Enough for now. Come in and tell me about your day”, to which Krieg responds FUSING INTO HIMSELF, WHOLE, and walking into the house with her. The voiceover from Krieg tells us we’re always breaking and hurting, but we put ourselves together again, never perfect, but close enough. Always fixing ourselves.

Final Notes:

This DLC was really good, imo. I really liked the direction it took and I’m glad it wasn’t TOO wacky, loosing all the meaning and more seriousness it could have. It is a great character exploration, respects Krieg as a character and the one around him and their relationships. Krieg comes out as not needing fixing, and instead making peace with all he is and growing. Canon things confirmed: Worked as a mercenary, was a Crimson Raider, was one invited by Maya, was loved back, was experimented on by Hyperion, was saved by himself.

#borderlands #borderlands 3 #bl3 #fantastic flustercuck #krieg the psycho #krieg #dlc 4 #bl3 dlc #mmar talks #mmar plays bl3

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ofgoodmenarchive · 4 years

Link

The second in a series of drabbles exploring my Blood Mage!Dorian.

Spring Thaw

Perhaps he was getting ahead of himself.

No- he was definitely getting ahead of himself.

At the very least, Dorian shouldn't have discarded the Venatori's equipment so impulsively. It was possible- even likely- the Herald would be immune to his charms. If no attraction existed between them to start with, then he'd forsaken his current, sole employment for nothing.

Introducing himself was also a complex matter. His subject of fixation was more often than not swarmed by Chantry puppets- Inquisition puppets, whatever.

Either way, they'd be wary of something like him.

Which would be perfectly sensible, if we're being honest...

For days he stalked them through the Hinterlands, camping out of sight- preferably at high vantage points. On this occasion he'd discovered a homely cave dug into a cliff, with an ideal view of the Inquisition camp. They'd organised around a half-crumbled tower, wrangling full command of the King's Road at this end.

It took time to accomplish- Dorian had spectated most of the work. The Templar-Mage conflict was their main concern- by now almost completely eliminated. Still there was plenty of trouble to be had, Dorian knew.

Are they even aware of the Venatori yet?

Indeed for now they mostly focused on the resident lyrium-smugglers. To be fair, they were a nuisance- and had not enough sense to leave the Inquisition unmolested.

In his shadowing he concluded a few things, at least.

For one, the Herald was a mage with an affinity for ice. Admittedly Dorian felt stupid for not realising on their first encounter. That sword of light channelled the man's will, swaying him towards close combat. Odd for a mage- so Dorian didn't berate himself much for failing to notice.

Secondly, the man was Spirit-bound. To what sort of spirit and for what purpose, Dorian couldn't guess. He'd only concluded this due to a chance look at his weapon- a summoning circle was inscribed into the hilt. An insanely reckless thing to attempt- unless your will and the spirit's could work in perfect unison.

We have something in common, at least!

Though Dorian was positive none regarded him as an Abomination.

Lastly, the Herald was unaccustomed to such close work with humans. Dorian rarely overheard conversation but frequently witnessed him seeming lost, needing elaboration on what appeared self-evident.

Overall he was somewhat peculiar, even for an elf.

“You know...” Dorian mused while building a small fire for the night. “I'm already feeling chipper. It's probably a trick of the mind, since there's potential for a meal...but wouldn't it be funny if my desire was feeding into itself?”

An unamused grumble responded and he frowned at his shadow- slumped morosely against the cave entrance, like a wrung out towel.

“Yes, yes, I know that's not how it works.” Dorian rebuffed, scowling. “I'm just saying I don't mind all this creeping around! Or I don't mind it yet...give it a while, I suppose...”

The Herald of Andraste...

…probably also does not speak to himself.

“Well I'm not speaking to myself, am I?!” He countered, huffing. “I'm speaking to you!- And you're being especially bratty today!”

Desire slouched down the cliff-wall until it was almost flat.

Dorian spluttered with laughter.

“You're like a cat, you know!? An ominous, perverted cat.”

The creature bubbled sadly, giving no answer.

Rolling his eyes, Dorian would have returned to working on the fire- except Desire's head emerged from it's puddle, leering down the slope.

“Hrm...?” He followed it's gaze, squinting. “Something happening down there...?”

A tall figure wandering from camp, accompanied by a much shorter one- the Herald and his dwarf ally.

“Where are they wandering off to on their own...?” He frowned at his shadow. “Should they really be doing that?”

Desire shrugged, shoulders casting ripples along it's spooled form.

“For some reason...” Dorian swiped his staff from nearby. “I don't like it. Let's make sure nothing bothers them, yes?”

Maker forbid the elf get himself killed- it would be a waste of his whole week!

The pair strode upon the King's Road, moonlight leading their path and their path leading Dorian- always close behind but not too close. Eventually they paused at a road-marker, muttered between themselves and appeared to wait.

Are they missing one of their people, or something..?

Regardless of the situation, whatever was meant to occur, didn't. Exchanging anxious stares, the duo walked further along, ignorant to Dorian's presence as he slunk from shadow to shadow.

Within minutes all heard the same thuggish shouting- accented in Ferelden, somewhere amidst an outcrop of limestone. Sprinting forward, the Herald and his companion hunched behind cover, in frantic discussion.

Wanting a full perspective, Dorian climbed ledges as stealthily as possible. Once he had an ideal view, he sat and assessed.

Lyrium-smugglers again, of course. Carta, perhaps? No one Dorian had ties with, whoever they were. More than a dozen- with enough heavies in their ranks to pose serious threat to a miniscule party.

A party of two, for example, would likely be obliterated.

Dorian could see why there was discourse between the Herald and his friend. An Inquisition scout knelt among the group, bleeding and mid-interrogation.

So they did lose someone...

Now the Herald wished to attempt rescue and his companion reasonably disagreed. Even out of earshot, Dorian could tell who was winning- through pure stubbornness alone.

Glancing behind, he spotted that looming, bratty shadow of his.

“I hope you're ready to actually work for your meal.”

Not a second passed after his speech before all erupted into chaos. The Herald careened through the group, carried along paves of ice. Flailing and visibly irritated, the dwarf scrambled onto a high-point, where he could launch arrows from some elaborate crossbow.

Skidding from his perch, Dorian leapt into the fray.

Blood had already touched ground- that didn't bode well for anything near him. The grinning skull of his staff raised high, he willed every drop of lost life into himself. It swirled around him in crimson ribbons- he hadn't even channelled a form before people screamed.

“MALEFICAR!”

Earning a wild, blood-crazed laugh from him as he barrelled forth, slicing enemies with their own pain- weaponised. Anyone struck deep enough and lacking proper resistance became crazed, attacking all in their proximity.

It had been a while since he'd stretched his abilities for combat- quite invigorating, really! Not to mention all the blood- a fair snack, though not his usual preference. Licking some from his fingers, Dorian launched into another attack and found himself brushing passed blizzard.

Swivelling to face it, he bore his teeth in a personable manner.

Winter-touched eyes regarded him quizzically, then vanished into battle.

Moments later and it was done- together with the scout, their enemy was reduced to a pile of corpses.

Inhaling, Dorian glimpsed the dwarf and recruit in breathless conversation. Elsewhere stood the Herald- sheathing his weapon, sighing with relief.

Talk-talk-talk-talk-talk-talk-talk.

Maker, stop it! Yes, I see.

This was the closest opportunity he was chance to get.

Awkwardly, uncharacteristically- Dorian hesitated.

TALK-TALK-TALK-T

I SAID STOP THAT! I'M GOING!

Mustering composure, he sauntered that direction, beaming.

“Greetings, friend!”

The Herald blinked from wiping stained hands, eyes widening a second later.

“...Who are you?” He mumbled, automatically hunching to Dorian's level- as he'd witnessed many times.

“Me?” He laughed airily- had to restrain more when the elf flinched. “My name is Dorian Pavus...and you would be the Herald of Andraste, no?”

Much hesitation from this so-called Herald- the poor man's eyes darted as if seeking attendance, white complexion reddening. Effortless traits for human eyes to see- and then there were aspects only Dorian would see. A quickened pulse, hitched breath, heightened temperature...

Well, that answers that question...

But...I really didn't intend to give the poor fool a heart-attack.

He hadn't even exercised his will in any fashion- just introduced himself! The Herald's clan must have been terribly isolationist, if that's all it took to fluster him.

“That...is what they say...” He managed after a long pause, brow furrowing. “...Have you been following me, Dorian Pavus?”

Oh, I like that.

So formal.

“Only for your own protection, my darling Herald!” He chuckled warmly, gestured to their fallen opponents. “As you can so clearly see.”

Another drawn out silence, pale features struggling to stay that way and failing- pink had spread to his neck.

“You are from Tevinter.” He observed clumsily.

Dorian's head tilted.

“Nothing gets passed you, does it?”

The Herald didn't seem to know how to respond, grasping air dumbly and again searching around for aid. Deciding to provide such aid, Dorian inquired;

“Since I gave you my name- may I have yours?”

Though fidgeting, he offered;

“Lavellan.”

“That would be a last name, no?”

“I do not tend to give my first.”

“You don't 'tend to'...” He smiled, shamelessly familiar. “So you might make an exception?”

Something about this caught the elf off guard- absolutely flushed. He merely stared as though Dorian proposed he strip to his undergarments.

“Uhh...hey, there.” The dwarf ambled to them before Lavellan could recover.

“Ah, hello!” Determined to make a good impression, Dorian stuck out his hand. “Dorian Pavus! Pleased to make your acquaintance!”

The Dwarf relented to a light shake, inspecting him doubtfully.

“Varric Tethras- pleased to make yours..” He knit his brow, glanced between the two men. “...I guess.”

All the while Lavellan was statuesque, face crimson and attention flying everywhere.

“...You okay, Lord Heraldness?”

“I...am fine- I am fine.” He practically squeaked. “I think...Cassandra will wish us back at camp...right now...im...immediately.”

Incapable of restraining himself, Dorian roared with mirth and hoped it didn't sound unkind.

“We'll talk soon, my dear Herald.” He bid farewell with more obvious warmth. Lavellan swiftly fled- half-marching, half-scurrying, Varric at his heels.

-–

Dirt and blood raced beneath his feet. Evallan Lavellan fought to correct the hue of his face.

“...Are you okay?” Varric- barely audible above the sound of his heartbeat.

“I am fine!” He snapped, shrill. “I just...was not prepared for...for that.”

Varric's expression scrunched inwards, perplexed.

“Prepared for what?”

Speech died on Evallan's tongue, frowning helplessly at his companion. He barely had the words in his own language, how could he explain with the vocabulary they both shared?

All the human mages he'd encountered- they were so reserved, tame.

He couldn't imagine any human to carry themselves so shamelessly- draped in blood and bone, cackling and grinning through danger. Formidable yet exercising flawless control- so at ease in his nature.

And Mythal have mercy- Those eyes- deadly flares of red and gold.

Absolutely wild.

He must be mad.

“...Oh, Maker's breath, Herald...” Evallan became aware he'd been glaring into space. “Don't worry- I won't tell anyone you took one look at the weirdo-'Vint-blood-mage and turned into a tomato.”

He flushed every shade of red imaginable, snapping-

“I said I was not prepared!”

“I wasn't prepared either!” Varric chortled. “And I do not look like you do right now!”

Groaning, Evallan sped his pace, wishing for nothing more than to hide in his tent and scream until humiliation subsided.

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition #inquisition #dai #dorian pavus #blood mage dorian #blood mage #maleficar #pavellan #lavellan #m!lavellan #inquisitor lavellan #dorian pavus x inquisitor lavellan #dorian pavus x inquisitor #trying not to spam tags when all the content I make is dragon age rip #my writing #my aus

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yandereshit · 5 years

Note

"See, I've stalked you for some time before snatching you up!" or "I usually like to get to know my victims a little before I kill them." for Izaya Orihara please! I figured they fit him perfectly and I'm in such a dark mood so I'm down for whatever you want to throw at me! I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶s̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶e̶n̶s̶e̶ ̶p̶s̶y̶c̶h̶o̶l̶o̶g̶i̶c̶a̶l̶ ̶t̶o̶r̶t̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶~̶

FYI I have NO CLUE how long has this been lying in my drafts but I noticed it like now oasihfoiasdhoias

Izaya Orihara x Reader: relatively innocent.

Warnings: mentions of death, mind games, torture.

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

A simple, textile bag had been torn off your head, and your sight finally returned, giving you a very short-living sense of relief.

Your wrists were tied tightly behind your back, and you were sat on some sort of chair. Your head was still dizzy as you moved, trying to get a hold of your surroundings and the situation you found yourself in. The room was dark, with only two bulbs to allow you to see anything, yet their light being not strong enough to let you make out the exact contours of the room.

Undoubtedly, you weren’t in the room alone. On the wooden chair opposite of yours, a silhouette sat, holding the bag and staring forward at your terrified self, not bothered much by the tears that showed themselves on your face, having flowed down your cheeks sometime ago and then dried out. Maybe if the lighting was better, he could actually see them clearly. But your quiet sobs were enough of a proof, and your face didn’t have to be visible for anyone to know what state you were in.

You wondered about his own face, but it was too dark for you to make out anything specific. But the man didn’t seem to want you to memorize him, and you had a feeling that it’d be safer for you if you didn’t.

Once your sobs calmed down a little, his voice echoed in the room, making you almost jump when it rung out of blue, after such a long silence you’ve been stuck in.

“I suppose you’re good enough to talk now” he announced. He was smiling, that much you could tell from his tone alone, his white teeth only slightly visible, giving you a brief image of how he grinned.

“What do you want from me?” you snapped, but your voice betrayed you, clearly trembling through the whole sentence.

A short silence fell upon the two of you, and as soon as the man spoke again, you wished he never did.

“I usually like to get to know my victims a little before I kill them.”

You could swear your heart stopped beating for a second, and you stared dumbly at the other, waiting for him to continue, to explain what exactly he meant, clearly still not believing in such words, because how could you - it sounded too simple, too straightforward to be true, didn’t it?

It didn’t.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you were starting to make out the contours of your surroundings, and your kidnapper’s wicked smile was one of them.

What kind of psychopath was he…? What did he want to do with you? Just why, out of so many young women or people in general living in the crowded city of Tokyo, you were the one who’d been chosen by this man, a complete stranger you’ve never seen or heard of, even after having been raised in the comfort of knowing Japan as the safest place to live on the earth?

“Who are you…?” you finally uttered, your voice weak, still disbelieving, still unable to proceed what was happening.

“Me?” The man seemed genuinely surprised with your question. “I assure you it’s meaningless right now. I’m no one you should be concerned about. For your information, I’m not your enemy. You’ve never done anything to me or anyone I know. So don’t try to make up any reasons, because there’s really none.”

Out of all the people in this forsaken city, you were the one who fell victim to this man. No reason, just… lack of luck, it seemed.

Yet, how could you just accept it? It was your own life that was on line here, and the perspective of losing it out of a mere accident was not what you’ve aimed for ever in your lifespan.

A quiet, frustrated sob escaped your throat.

“W-what do you want?” you asked again. “W-why would you… want to…” The words wouldn’t go through your throat, their weight - suffocating.

Not waiting for you to finish, the man shrugged, unbothered.

“Absolutely no reason. I just thought, why not? I can kill someone without getting caught, so why not do it? Oh, look, there’s that girl passing by. Wonder what she’s up to. Wonder how she’ll react if I take her, will she be scared? She sure will. Will she start yelling at me? Screaming for help? Beg for her life? Try to bargain me in some way? I was just so, so curious about her.”

His words wouldn’t make any sense in your head. Just what kind of person does that? Just what kind of person is he? Even criminals have their reasons. But this one? He seems to not have any greater purpose, other than his own twisted thoughts or desires.

“F-fine!” you exclaimed in a shaky voice. “Just kill me, then!” you yelled, more of emotions than any sort of actual wish.

“So quickly? Come on, we still have so much time. At least I do, I’m not hurrying anywhere. Seriously though, I haven’t even hurt you yet, and you’re already begging to be killed?”

“Just tell me what the fuck you want from me!”

A short silence fell upon you two, the air filled with your emotions, so strong and vivid, your fear mixed with anger, impatience and annoyance. You were like a wild animal caught in snares, still dangerous to whoever would want to set you free.

In the meantime though, the man seemed terrifyingly calm and composed. He crossed his legs elegantly, observing you with a small, polite smile on his face, completely unbothered with your rage, as if you were nothing but a random show on TV, unable to harm him in any way, and meant to be only watched until its end, and then probably forgotten.

“Let’s play a game” he suddenly spoke, smiling politely. You tried to, but couldn’t make out any more of his face features, and you came to a conclusion he just really didn’t want you to be able to see him well. Maybe you could recognize him if you did? Yet, he seemed unfamiliar. The aura he gave was nothing you’d recall, yet, along with lack of opportunity to see him whole, it added to the terror and uneasiness he caused in you, your primal instincts just screaming to run away from him - as if you could.

“What game?” you decided to ask, although your voice was quiet and weak at this point.

“Well, I’m going to ask you three questions. If you answer all of them, I’ll release you. If not - I’ll kill you. Any questions?”

“You’re insane.”

“It’s not a question, it’s a statement.”

“A pretty fucking accurate one” you snapped.

The man burst into laughter, pretty much confirming to you what you just said. But he didn’t seem bothered, instead continuing his previous monologue.

“Okay then, seems like you’re ready. Don’t worry, there’s no time limit, you can take as much as you need to reply.” He cleared his throat, switching his position a little to get more comfortable. You stared at him uneasily, focusing as much as you could on whatever he’d have to say. “First question! Who’s the prime minister of Japan?”

Was that it? It sounded simple. The name instantly appeared in your head, but then you thought - what if it’s wrong? Your life was on the line, you couldn’t afford yourself to be mistaken. Could you just trust your instinct? Maybe you should think more about it?

“Come on, this one’s easy, everyone knows it” the man said, laughing in a manner that could go as genuine if not the circumstances it was done in.

“Shinzo… Abe?” you answered, the end of the reply hitching in question though, as if you weren’t sure of your own words.

“You see? It was a simple one! I made it easier for you on purpose, so that you wouldn’t feel too scared. Hope it worked!” He smiled widely. “Second question. Who am I?”

Your breath got stuck in your throat for a few seconds, and there was a tense silence, the one you forced yourself to break a moment later.

“H-how am I supposed to know that?! You said it yourself, we’ve never met before! How can I answer your question?!”

You could have predicted that. The first question was too easy, to give you a false impression that he’d really go easy on you. But he wouldn’t, he never planned to, the questions he picked weren’t the ones you were supposed to know the answer to.

An unwitting sob escaped your throat, and tears streamed down your face once again.

“I-I don’t know…”

“Should I take it as, you give up?” the man asked, his face twisting in displeasure.

“…No…” you added quietly. You couldn’t give up your life, you were sure of that. You fixated your eyes on the floor, biting on your lip. “…My kidnapper. That’s whom you are to me” you finally announced, dreading for his reaction, yet fully aware that there’s nothing else you can say now. It was the only thing you knew. And it was…

“…Correct.” Said kidnapper chuckled, tilting his head. “You’re definitely correct here. I won’t break my own rules, will I? I didn’t specify what kind of information I demand from you. You’re correct.”

Your eyes blurred with tears and your breath got heavy. For a few moments, no sounds would reach you, but you couldn’t tell if the man was saying anything, you felt like your consciousness slipped away for these few brief moments, the rush of adrenaline, stress and anxiety making you pass out for seconds.

When you came back to your senses, everything was right as you remembered it. The man sat in front of you, observing you calmly, patiently waiting for you to be able to proceed. And once he was sure you were listening to him again, he also spoke.

“Last question. We’re almost there, you see? Only one question, and we’ll know what happens to you. Ready?” You sluggishly nodded your head, to which the man grinned. “So, what’s the length of Congo River?”

“What…?”

It took you a few moments of complete bewilderment, during which you only stared forward, absolutely dumbfounded.

The length of some river you recognized as African sounded like common knowledge. Probably more people knew of Congo River’s existence than they knew the name of Japan’s Prime Minister.

Yet, you didn’t know the answer. Your mind went wild, and you thought vividly of all the possible comparisons you could find. But you couldn’t even place the river anywhere on the map to even compare the lengths, and was it a long river? It had to be, since you’ve heard of it. What was the longest river in the world? How long was it? You surely had to be told it before, during geography classes. The longest river in the world… Around… eight thousands of kilometers? Did it make sense? It sounded like it did. Or maybe not… Five? Five, it had to be five.

Congo River had to be shorter, but how much? You had no clue. It wasn’t that known, the difference had to be meaningful. Half of the longest river? More? Less? Maybe less. Two thousands? He definitely didn’t expect you to know the exact number, but maybe you were remotely right?

And maybe no matter what you said, he wouldn’t let you go, anyway?

“T-two thousands kilometers” you finally voiced, staring at him intensely, waiting for him to either confirm your words or to bury your last hopes for freedom.

The man took out his phone, and the light for a short time highlighted his features, but then he turned down the brightness and you were left in almost the same darkness as before.

After a few seconds, he spoke.

“The Congo-Lualaba-Chambeshi River system has an overall length of 4,700 km.”

The breath escaped you and your head fell forwards, sobs wrecking your body and your head aching, your heart beating so fast you felt like you would die from a heart attack before the man would finally end your sufferings.

Without hurry, he stood up. You didn’t dare to return his gaze, but in the corner of your eye, you saw him pull out a small knife. Your heart only beated faster as he approached you, and then stood behind you, disappearing from the range of your sight. But maybe it was for the better, you thought. Maybe it was better you didn’t have to see him.

Would he make it fast? As painless as possible? If he sliced your throat, the agony would only last a few minutes, before your body would go completely numb from the bloodloss. Maybe it’d be worse if he cut through your windpipes, you wouldn’t be able to breathe, but wouldn’t it make it last even shorter? You hoped it would. You didn’t want to die in agony, but the shorter it lasted, the better.

What was afterlife like?

“Here.”

You heard a sound behind yourself, and soon enough, you felt the blood rush back into your hands, the rope that kept you tied to the chair falling to the ground, leaving you confused and dumbfounded.

You panted in a newfound sense of panic. Would he take you somewhere else? Make you suffer in another way? Take his time bringing you to your promised death?

“The door’s on your left” the man announced, his voice echoing in your ears for how close he was to you, standing right behind you, way too close for your comfort, if there was any of it left.

“W-what…?”

“Just go, I suppose you have other plans for today” he shrugged, pushing the blade back to his pocket and going in the door’s direction himself, as if completely uninterested in whatever you’d do.

“B-but why…”

His frame shook in a silent laughter as he stood by the door, barely visible, but apparently ready to leave the room, to - finally - leave you alone.

“The game’s rules said, I’ll release you if you answer all the three questions. You did it, hence why you’re free. I never specified I want the answers to be correct, though.”

The light of the outside world blinded you for a few seconds when the man opened the door, stepping into the outside world. The door never closed though, and you were positive by now, that it wouldn’t.

And it was never supposed to, because for all Izaya Orihara was, he definitely wasn’t a killer. A kidnapper - yes, but a relatively innocent one.

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

#izaya #orihara #durarara #izaya orihara imagine #izaya x reader #prompt #fanfiction #kanra #nakura #have u ever realized that kanra is nakura but like with the order of letters changed?#i was shook when i noticed #like these two years ago

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enricodandolo · 5 years

Text

Can we please stop reading Wagner's operas as complete sausage fests?

(Cross-posting from /r/opera for the five people browsing the #opera tag on tumblr)

Inflammatory title, check. Typing this fresh out of the shower inflamed with righteous indignation, check. References to YouTube comments, check. That's right, it's rant-time (or, as Wagner calls it, "act 2").

So this is something that has been on my mind a lot but that I've never really bothered to write down. I don't think this will come as a surprise to most of the people on here, so this is gonna be somewhat self-indulgent. Obviously, big shout-out to the 2005 Copenhagen Ring, which was my first introduction to Wagner.

In a lot of the literature, and certainly in the popular imagination (hello there, angry YouTube commentors), Wagner is all about the men. *Meistersinger* productions almost always hinge on the director's perspective on Hans Sachs and what a cad he is. The *Ring* is usually told as either the story of Wotan, whether he be a visionary master manipulator or a villain in disguise. *Tannhäuser* is about Heinrich dithering about for three hours like a latter-day Hamlet who can't decide between Betty and Veronica (wait, what?). This is not to say Wagner's big female characters -- Brünnhilde and Kundry being the prime examples -- don't receive attention in those productions or analyses. But they're usually ancillaries of the men, in some way or another, and not the focal points of the action.

But that's not at all what we can see in the libretti themselves, let alone the music! If anything, I'd argue that in all of Wagner's mature works -- Tannhäuser, Lohengrin, Tristan, Meistersinger, the Ring and probably Parsifal -- it's the women that drive the plot, and the women that make the most use of their agency.

I think the best example for this is probably Walküre, and in fact listening to the first two acts this morning brought this on. When the Copenhagen Ring had Sieglinde pull Nothung from the ash tree rather than Siegmund, I saw a lot of reviewers tut-tutting. According to a not very scientific study of the comments on the YouTube upload, that seems to be a point of more contention than the deaths of Loge and Alberich in that production, or Hunding getting away scots-free. I note that the Met Ring has the twins pull out Nothung together, hand in hand, which is cute and doesn't seem to arouse nearly as much dissension.

But in fact, Sieglinde is far from the helpless damsel in distress that some people seem to want to paint her as. Hell, her very first line goes: "A stranger -- him, I must ask." The clear implication that she has some sort of plan in mind -- which, though never spelled out, becomes pretty clear over the course of the first act -- doesn't exactly characterise her as helpless victim waiting for her saviour. It is Sieglinde who, at risk to her own safety, forces Hunding to grant Siegmund shelter by literally calling him a coward. Later, it is Sieglinde who -- on her own initiative -- drugs Hunding and directs Siegmund to the sword, not just to save him but also herself. Rather than Siegmund saving Sieglinde, this is a transaction between equals: Sieglinde gives Siegmund the means to defend himself from certain death at Hunding's hands, and in return Siegmund bodily protects Sieglinde from her abusive husband.

Throughout the act, the equality between the twins is emphasised. In part, of course, that's for foreshadowing that sweet, sweet twincest, but one line always gives me pause:

HUNDING Wie gleicht er dem Weibe! Der gleißende Wurm glänzt auch ihm aus dem Auge.

I've seen some pretty bizarre translations of that (that deceitful serpent, really?), but I think this might be the most literal:

How like to the woman is he! The same gleaming (radiant? bright? searing?) worm (almost definitely: dragon rather than earthworm, cf. Fafner) shines in his eye.

I don't really think you can get much clearer on what kind of temperament Wagner had in mind for both Wälsung twins than comparing them to a freaking dragon.

Later on, too, it's Sieglinde who first realises just who this dashingly handsome stranger is and goes "eh, fuck it" and proceeds to basically spell it out to her brother. By this point, we've seen Sieglinde pretty much run the first act, directing events to her advantage from a position of supreme weakness. No matter which of the twins draws Nothung from the tree, I think it's pretty clear that the first act is Sieglinde's self-actualisation and emancipation more than anything else.

The theme continues in acts 2 and 3, in my opinion. Sieglinde takes the backseat here as the overarching mythological plot dominates the action, and the focus shifts to two other female characters: Fricka and Brünnhilde. Now Fricka seems to be positioned perfectly to be played under the "shrewish, overbearing wife" trope who just doesn't understand Wotan's greatness and is keeping him down, man. Wotan and Brünnhilde certainly seem to share that opinion in how they talk about her. But regardless of how she is portrayed on stage, Fricka completely dominates the confrontation with Wotan despite the supposed master-manipulator and patriarch's sweet romantic ideas on how to deal with the Wälsung twins. This is one sharp lady, and she doesn't waste a second before reminding Wotan that he's bound to enforce the divine law she set down. Musically, too, Fricka's sharp soprano lines seem to easily overpower Wotan's explanations in all the recordings I've heard, another common theme.

Brünnhilde of course is the poster-child for any feminist reading of the Ring for obvious reasons. Not only is she, apparently, her mother's equal in wisdom and magic (so says Erda, at least -- later on Brünnhilde bitterly mocks her lack of wisdom, so your mileage may vary). Over the course of the three operas she's in, she

wilfully defies Wotan's orders despite being literally created as his instrument in attempting to save Siegmund

convinces Sieglinde to live and (on the day of his conception, most likely) bestows a seriously programmatic name on her son, with the clear implication that she's doing this as her own way of fixing Wotan's broken master plan

transforms her punishment into an unishment by tricking Wotan into letting her set the conditions for her spouse-to-be, and it's pretty clear from the swelling Siegfried motif just whom she has in mind

musically overpowers brash Siegfried not once, but twice (the love duet and the oath scene in Götterdämmerung) -- I don't think it's a coincidence that Brünnhilde enters Siegfried fresh and ready to shatter every glass pane from Walhall to Niflheim while Siegfried himself has something like three hours of intensive singing behind him

hands out magic items and boons to a departing Siegfried like a mellow dungeon master just before a big-ass boss fight

after being forced into marrying Gunther, immediately turns around and moves to take down Siegfried hard, including by making alliances of convenience with her direct personal enemies Gunther and Hagen. No lovesick puppy here.

burns down the fucking world and kills all the gods

So much for the Ring (haven't touched on Gutrune and Waltraute, who I also think get a bad rap as an uninvolved accessory to her brothers' plot respectively a walking flying plot device). It's not that different in Wagner's other operas, but I'll run through them more curtly.

Tannhäuser: Elisabeth shuts down a mob of angry men about to lynch Heinrich, then cleverly leverages her reputation for piety to give him a way out that will, at the very least, save his life and has a chance of restoring him to the court's good graces. By contrast, Heinrich himself doesn't really *do* all that much.

Lohengrin: Ortrud runs the whole show here, and she would have gotten away with it too if not for those meddling grail knights! Telramund is something of a tool by comparison who doesn't even seem to be aware his wife is manipulating him. Elsa comes off as something of an ingenue, but she's got a will of her own and I like to headcanon that much of her behaviour in act 1 is deliberately performing saintlyhood and Christian mysticism as a legal defense strategy. Sure, a grail knight does come along, but if he hadn't there are worse ways to be perceived by the audience than a consumptive martyr. Big shoutout to Carolyn Walker Bynum's Holy Feast and Holy Fast here, aka the grossest book about medieval Christianity I've had the pleasure to read.

Tristan: sheesh, it's Tristan. Nothing much happens but what little plot there is is set in motion by Isolde deciding to avenge her late husband and kill herself to avoid to unwelcome marriage to a political and dynastic enemy. (Then the date rape drugs come out.)

Meistersinger: Obviously Hans Sachs gets most of the credit for plotting, but really, most of what he does seems to be prompted by Eva at least in part. Realising that her father has gone insane, she uses her limited agency to make the best of a bad situation by first trying to make Walther a Meistersinger (roping in Lene and David) despite his eminent incompetence and psychopathic temperament, then settle for a friend if not a lover by encouraging Hans Sachs to woo her instead. She also manages to keep Walther from murdering anyone on-stage which is quite a feat.

Parsifal: Like with Tristan, there isn't too much plot in the traditional sense, and the characters are hyperstylised archetypes -- excepting Kundry, who is of course one of the most multilayered and complex characters in all of opera (which ... isn't saying much, but still). While Kundry doesn't do all that much to drive the action on-stage, it seems to me she's expressing her agency by helping the grail knights as an attempt at restitution and trying hard to subvert Klingsor's magically-binding orders to the end of her own redemption.

So, yeah. Wagner may have had a massive thing for muscular pretty boys with big swords, but it's really the women who drive the plots and tell the muscular pretty boys what to do, and I wish more directors / reviewers / etc. would pay closer attention to that. Rant over.

TL,DR: just because Wagner was an antisemitic shithead, that doesn't mean he wasn't a crypto-proto-feminist!

#wagner #richard wagner #opera #Der Ring Des Nibelungen #tw: domestic abuse #sieglinde is bae

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