#but it’s not my bills or money so what can I say about it
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#feeling depressed and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m hormonal from my period or having valid issues and concerns#been feeling unfulfilled in my relationship lately for many reasons and so that’s been giving me a rough time#partner has adhd and so do I but theirs is much worse and they’re not on meds for it yet and the dysfunction is causing problems#I want to be understanding but it’s interfering with plans and it’s always on me to change direction for us and figure out something else#at a certain point in life not paying bills because you forgot from adhd is a serious and annoying issue and not a valid excuse anymore#but it’s not my bills or money so what can I say about it#and I want to talk to my bestie and vent but having problems with him too and it feels like he only wants to talk to me if hes bored at work#only wants to hang if it’s convenient or if he wants/needs something from me#so I’ve been feeling used and not really cared for so it’s kind of like what would be the point in trying to call him#I know he won’t answer the phone anyway since most of the time when I call he ignores me so why bother#but then I just don’t have anyone to talk to or get advice from or anything#so I feel very stuck and alone and like I just need to get feelings out but I don’t know how or what to do about it#and all of this is compounded by hormones and mood swings so how much of these problems are real and how much are just my period?#I just don’t know the answer and that makes things even more difficult to deal with#personal
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"Well if I failed it, that means I didn't learn it, right? I dunno, though, honestly, real life's not like school. They try to tell you, 'Memorize these eighteen vocab words or you'll grow up a loser and won't get a job,' but really... as an adult, if you wanna know somethin', you look it the hell up." Wade really thought that today's American schools were doin' a real disservice to kids, with the memory recall and repetition techniques instead of teaching them important things like critical and independent thinking.
"I think 'steada teachin' kids to memorize shit, we should be teachin' 'em life skills, like how to use a library or a computer, how to do your taxes, how to manage your finances, stick to a budget, how to ask the right questions, basic email etiquette, how to network socially, how to make a resume, that kinda stuff. That's the stuff you need to know to be a functional adult, not what sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia means." There was a quiet beat and then, "Brain freeze. That's what it means. You know, like when you eat ice cream too fast? I just love sayin' it, that's the only reason I know it," he said with a chuckle. "I dunno, I learn better by doin', not by readin' or studyin'. There's no substitute for life experience, man."
He saw Rockland's energy be taken down a peg about being a responsible person, and he understood why. "Yeah, I know, bein' responsible's no fun, and it sucks that you've gotta do it so young, but it really is admirable. And it'll give you a leg up later in life, definitely. You're already ahead of most kids just because you pay attention to all this stuff they don't. So keep that in mind. It sucks, but it pays off, trust me," he tried to say by way of encouragement and cheering the kid up a bit. Sometimes life gave you lemons, but if you learned how to make lemonade out of them early on, you were better off later.
As the conversation shifted to Rockland's mom, Wade could see the conflict in the young boy's eyes. He shrugged at little at his assumption that her leaving meant she didn't care. "Eh, not necessarily. People leave for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it's not even really under their control. For example... I once was paid to find a guy who'd completely disappeared. His family was lookin' for him, he owed all this money, he let all his bills lapse, that sorta thing. Guy was gone for years. His family was thinkin' he was a total jerk and just took off to start a new life somewhere. Turns out he actually did. I found him a couple states over livin' a completely different life. Here's the catch, though... The guy had been in a car accident, got a head injury, and suffered almost total amnesia. He didn't know who the hell was and started over again somewhere else. Isn't that wild? So it's not always that people don't care. There can be a lotta reasons why someone leaves."
Wade started chuckling as Rockland asked him if he slept. "I'm not Dracula, buddy. Yeah, I sleep. I just usually do it from morning to late afternoon 'steada at night, that's all. So I'm not tired right now, I just got up a few hours ago. I just didn't wanna get you into any trouble keepin' you out late. Also I'm not lookin' to be accused of kidnappin'. That'd kinda look bad on my resume, you know?" he joked.
Well that caught their attention alright. A middle finger had shot into the air, directed at a group of teens across the street who were hovering by a Duncan Donuts long closed for the night. The boy beneath the hoodie, propelling said finger, sneered. Just like that, the group of five moved towards him, the tallest, Shacks, sauntering forward with an irritating air of confidence. And to think, there'd been a time when Rockland had thought he was cool.
"You can't seriously blame us, Rocky." He looked to the others with cruel amusement, "It was a prank, get a sense of hum-" Too busy searching for the favour of his crew, he'd missed the draw of the younger teen's fist before it met his cheek.
"Prank my ass, I could've been arres-oof." Rockland was tackled by Archie, the smallest of the bunch, who was about a head shorter than he was, but kinda stalky for his age, and with the element of surprise on his side. Cane clattering out of hand, and across the sidewalk, the lanky teen scraped across the pavement, electric pain radiating up from his tailbone. He caught the breath that had been knocked out of him just in time to catch the thump of a fist to the nose in return. - For Wade
Wade didn't know what to make of this city yet. He'd only been here a couple days and was still trying to get his bearings. It wasn't a bad city, he thought, just cold. Just... really cold when you're alone, like all cities are. Nevertheless, Wade did some hunting and stocked up on other supplies, always wanting to stay on the move. That's how he got jobs, and that's how he kept sane.
Tonight had been quiet enough so far... that is until he heard sounds of a fight. But a fight... between kids? Was he hearing this right? Wade made his way toward the sounds, and sure enough, some kids whose parents were absent and whose bedtimes must be fast-approaching were going at it. Or rather, several kids were beating up on one unfortunate one.
"Hey! Come on, cut it out, what the hell're you guys doin'?!" Wade yelled, hoping to scatter the bullies. "You know better than this, get off him! Don't make me call the cops!" he said, watching as they all scattered... save for one. Wade knelt down beside the boy lying on the ground. "Hey, buddy, you okay?" he asked gently.
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personal rant incoming
#i haaate when ppl coming with this money can't make you happy monologue#when they clearly never had to worry about not having money#not having worry about food bc u don't have money for it#or paying bills#and he can just do whatever he wants go on a year long vacation to travel around the world#like how stupid do you have to be to think that??? not having to work for a year guess what thatade you happy I bet#so none of this bullshit#if I had enough money to pursue what I like to go to uni I'd be so much happier if I had more money to help my sisters I'd be so much more#happier#fck these ppl honestly#money can solve so much of my problems#fix probably all of them#but whoever says these just a boring ass person who can't do anything with their money#bc they have no interest or literally anything to live for#I'm angry sorry 🙄😡🤬
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Since when did we start charging money on patreon for fanfics 😭😭😭😭 is this for real😭
hi, love. I haven't seen that many people doing the Patreon thing when it comes to fanfic, but it's pretty common for people who draw for example to set up a Patreon. I believe that everyone who does, just like myself, needs the money. I wouldn't be doing it if i didn't need to. I figured the Patreon setup was the best idea since it's not really that common for people to tip writers, we've been struggling with getting reblogs and comments, so you can imagine.
Right now, I'm applying and doing tests to get an internship, which still won't be enough because I'm also trying to apply for a master's. So, yeah, I'm really thankful for everyone who tipped me on ko-fi and subscribed to my Patreon, last month my savings were over, and the Patreon money was what helped me pay for some medical stuff I needed (Idk if you saw the whole mick schumacher's sick club, but yeah — huge thank you for everyone who subscribed/donated btw).
We often see fic writers as little robots who don't eat, drink, or sleep. We request stuff, and expect an instant reply, and when we get the content we don't even go back to the page to tell the writer our thoughts. We don't reblog, nor leave comments, but still, we expect them to keep writing and keep sharing everything as if it didn't take hours, sometimes days to come up with a 1k piece polished to what we think readers will like best. I hope I don't sound rude, I'm just trying to make a point because I'm tired of seeing writers deactivating, tired of seeing my friends getting writer's block and then people still demanding things.
On top of that, I'm still posting a lot here, from smau to blubs and long fic requests (and I won't even talk about how some pieces aren't even getting a hundred notes, which always makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong, if my writing is bad, or if there's anything that I could do to make the reader's experience more enjoyable), and it takes a lot of time, it's even harder to balance the two profiles now, but still, I keep sharing some of my work for free. so please, please, don't make me feel bad about needing money. thanks ❤️.
#I'm still searching like crazy for the best internship that gives me enough time to study for my application and enough money to pay for +#the stuff that I really need#medical bills are expensive#school books and stuff are expensive#we do what we can#and I say we including other writers that relly on donations too#anyways#Im sorry for letting my heart run wild here but I really needed to share this because I'm tired#and I do feel a bit guilty some days for sharing paid stuff because I wanted everyone to read what I post#wanted everyone to enjoy it and gush with me about college!mick and ghost!lewis and so on#but right now that's the best way I found to deal with my current situation#so please please try seeing your writers side#and on top of that make sure youre supporting the people that are here everyday putting their hearts on each piece#and I mean support as in reblog and let them know you liked it and so on#if you can support someone with money thats great#but most of the times a comment and a reblog will make the writers days#it makes mine#I wish you guys could see the smile on my face whenever someone comes back like “hey Im the one who requested x and I loved it”#anyways Im sorry for ranting#I hope I did not come across as rude again#and Im not saying you don't reblog or support your writers this is more of a widely rant#<3#millies inbox#anon#patreon#f1 fandom
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last post for the night i swear
the real tragic part about the whole science fair incident is that perpetual motion is impossible to achieve
ford’s machine would have never worked, regardless of whether or not stan had interacted with it
(warning i accidentally wrote an approximately 30-tag dive into ford’s character in the tags don’t click see more if you don’t want to read that)
anyway!! good night everyone ❤️🩹
#it’s also tragic because ford didn’t know#the impossibility of perpetual motion was discovered far before that point and yet he didn’t know#i mean. ‘he’s actually just so arrogant that he thought he could break the laws of physics’ doesn’t make any sense#his reaction to the situation really didn’t match that interpretation as far as i can tell#i don’t think it’s just a ‘oh no! my dream school (that i was essentially shoved into pursuing)!’ type deal#here’s what i’m thinking:#fact one- stan and ford were seemingly already drifting apart by this point in time. this is important to note#fact two- it’s really emphasized to him that he’s smart. that’s all they say about him really- that’s he’s a genius#fact three- filbrick does not even care enough about stanford to say his name. he calls ford his ‘ticket out of this dump’#these last two points were likely heavily emphasized to him throughout his childhood#filbrick found out ford was smart and thought stan wasn’t. so ford became his plan to make money#ford is heavily bullied for his weirdness. his hands and his interests. being smart could ‘make up’ for this in his mind#he wants to leave. he outright states this- he doesn’t feel like he belongs and he wants to go somewhere he does (his own bermuda triangle)#so what essentially happened- i believe- is that ford internalized all these things#that his weirdness is bad and that he makes up for it by being smart and that he’s meant to make his family money-#-and that he wants out#his machine fails. this is a slap in the face to him. perpetual motion is impossible?#but why didn’t he know that? he’s supposed to be smart isn’t he? if he isn’t smart then what the hell is he?#what redeeming qualities does he have? how is he supposed to help his family now? he’s a failure isn’t he?#he spots a familiar bag. stan was here. suddenly he has an excuse- a reason to believe it wasn’t his fault#(and there’s really nothing to be at fault for but he doesn’t think that)#it’s easier to blame it on stan because of how distant they’ve grown. he can’t read stan as easily#and his reaction is suspicious- did he actually sabotage the project? is it…actually not ford’s fault at all?#they don’t speak to each other again for another decade#stan because he’s afraid of rejection#ford because he doesn’t want to face his own insecurities and emotions about everything#it’s easier to pretend that he wants to be famous and isn’t just doing it to make it his father money#and it’s easier to distract himself with things he loves than to feel all the guilt and hurt and frustration#and that. is perfect for bill to use to manipulate him#that’s my thoughts anyway. sorry for the rant was not expecting that to happen
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Sometimes I really wish I could give everyone countless dollars (or insert your relevant currency here) to go enjoy the things they want to enjoy and get the things they want to get, be it wants or needs. I'd do it in a heartbeat if I could.
#Satari rambles#To delete later probably#Seeing people upset about the chaos that was getting Sleep Token tickets mainly inspiring this#But also it just sucks to have to spend all of your time and money on surviving and not being able to indulge#This isn't too say people who can should feel guilty#Not at all#Everyone should be free to enjoy what they want with no shame#I just hate that it's so hard for that enjoyment of experiences and possessions to be universal#Granted I'm also struggling to find a job and pay bills#Like hell I can afford concert tickets even if they are in my state#Sorry this is really dumb I just#Giving everyone a virtual hug right now who is struggling with the hell that is a life with and without money
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#irl rambles#dunno if y'all remember but my work had been saying for months they were going to offer me a part time job#they just kept it back saying they have to work out the roster#anywho because I was so sure i was going to get it I told one of my friends who recently bought a house#he said that he can't rent out in the first year due to government requirements but he'd be more than happy to move in with him#but then work took back the contract and on top of that have cut my hours back#like theyve taken 2.5hrs off each of my shifts#that adds up!#so i told my friend i don't have secure work and how upset I was about it#he would prefer I have a stable job but if I can start saving now I could move in next June#the problem is saving until then#the bills are so high at my current house#my housemate owns the house and he works from home#and he has the air con on all the time#takes hour long showers#and leaves all the darn lights on!#so by the time I have a bit of savings the bills come and practically take what I've saved#legit the reason I was on hiatus for so long is because of money struggles#i don't feel stable rn#i don't have family to help out either#it got to the point I was strongly wondering why I'm atill living when I could barely afford it tbh#but at least i have a goal in life now#I'd rather cut back on food now so I can afford moving out#hopefully work won't screw me over further#or another job actually hires me#ahhh I hate capitalism
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And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"
I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse
And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa
And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house
I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished
...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)
And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff
There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government
No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)
Like have some accountability there and in every situation
Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free
If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off
I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)
But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced
Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around
I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)
...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change
(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)
(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)
#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem#shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide#what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne#...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain#and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make#but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves#not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here'#it's sick; it truly is#but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better#we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair#only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide#the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same#you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help#that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink#get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope#we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said#'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die'#I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up#I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure#and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty#my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows)#...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more...#and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet#it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last#...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind#I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die#and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income#given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now#mm tag so i can find things later
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Its funny how often customers ask me what i think of certain food items on the menu. Im never gonna say i dont like something. I don't understand what they expect me to say! Seriously, why do people do that?
Questions like "Is the buffalo chicken wrap any good?" Or "how is the santa fe?" I dont know what you people want from me!
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Hii! I have been recently getting more and more obsessed with your art and webcomic and was wondering if I could use your art as like a profile picture? (With credit!!) If not that's perfectly fine! :)
yeah you can use my art for whatever as long as you're not stealing it or selling it
I don't mind if people print my art out for themselves either. I do sell prints, but it doesn't bother me either way
In general I don't post anything that I haven't made my peace with all that comes with sharing my art publicly! So feel free to use it as you please pretty much.
Giving me credit for the things I've made is respectful and helps me in my career, and I would hope that most people intend to respect my work... And the people who don't respect my work were never going to whether I asked or not.
I make my work for other people to enjoy it, I want you to enjoy it!
#I sort of have a general thought process that like.#the main thing of my work is... my comics!#and thats my writing and my drawing and its these huge longform things#that to be quite honest. would be a ton of work to steal LMFAO#but theyre more intrinsically connected to me#knowing the name of the comics and the characters#looking for more. it's me. like it's always gonna come back to me...#But I also in general as a person... I sort of hate the concept of copyright#it plays at the idea of benefitting artists but the intent is to benefit corporations#and artists get screwed out of owning their OWN WORK for the benefit of said corporations...#The things that copyright are meant to protect are things that wouldnt matter if we werent living in CAPITALISM!!!#I wouldnt CARE if someone stole my stuff if I didnt have to worry about potential lost customers#so. I just try to lead my life and my art in ways that reflect my ideals#which is like... yeah go ahead. use it for whatever#I expect you to respect me and if you don't then I know it doesnt matter what I ask for. because it wasnt going to be respected anyways.#if you feel bad taking my stuff or printing it out yourself or whatever you can throw a couple bucks my way#helps me pay the bills lmao#but if you don't its fine. I'll be okay and it won't ruin me.#asks#anon#this isnot me saying yeah go ahead and steal my art LMAO#this is just like yeah as long as you arent saying or implying you made my work#or selling it when I am selling that same thing (stealing my money from me)#then. like. whatever#doesnt affect me negatively at all. I made my art for other people to enjoy it#I want you to enjoy it!
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pain is temporary shara brainrot is eternal
#mar.txt#oc tag: shara#slowly working on a shara-centric fic.... it's going to have a lot of rambling things in parentheses bc of how they are#anyways i'm mostly joking when i call myself xyz thing's number one fan but also like. i am very much planning to save money to comm someone#for a giant plushie of them. and a figure/statue too if i'm able to comm someone for that#i can and will spend a ludicrous amount of money for merch of my faves especially when BOTH of them have little to Nothing#my dad says the plushie is a waste of money but like#it isn't to ME bc it'd make me happy and probably help me sleep and it would bring me comfort#is it not enough for something to do those things to make it have value? must it serve some other more 'important' purpose than simply#bringing me happiness?#i'm well aware that it'll be over $2000 (understandably! plushies are expensive to make by hand especially giant ones)#and i'm fine with that. i don't live on my own yet so i don't have bills to pay or anything so i figure i should treat myself with expensive#things i want while i'm still Able to#and i desperately want a plushie of shara. a shame i know nothing about plushie making so idk if what i'm envisioning is too complex or not#rather. i think it IS doable but idk if it's too complex for the person i'd like to comm to WANT to do it yknow#but tbh. i'll take whatever it is i'm able to get#anyways i got rambly in the tags again oops#i just think shara is neat and getting a giant plushie of them is a goal of mine
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I think getting a hysterectomy would either help with my migraine issues or just give me different problems but I wont be able to know until next year minimum and even then I dont know if I can do a second surgery so soon. the way that birth control just utterly and completely fucks you over when youre starting it, when youre on it, and when youre getting off it is so. Idk if its even worth it to change my birth control if Im gonna get a hystrectomy in the vague soonish future even if I feel like absolute dogshit for an entire month for 1/3rd of the year.
#I take it back on whatever post I made recently about hrt. I think its making my migraine issues worse.#I would take back the smell issue over migraines that have me searching basic math to make sure Im still doing 3x3 correctly#in my head. and like. being unable to read more than a paragraph or two at a time.#honestly. Im really mad at myself for being caught off guard by that doctor and telling her I was on testosterone.#because now I have to jump through stupid fucking hoops to get a hysterectomy and shit and who knows what wouldve happened if I was able to#pretend I was cis. Im pissed about it. and OFCCCCCC she says 'yes I will make sure not to mention the trans thing outside of my notes!'#and WHAT does she label the appointment as?????? literally mentioning Im trans in the big ass header that my new primary doctor immediately#saw. like come on girl do your job better than this.#life sucks being disabled when you have to do all this crap. cant just Schedule a Surgery you have to go get approved by insurance and then#make sure someone can bring you and also you have food you can actually eat during recovery and take time off work and worry about money an#then find out insurance did not approve the surgery AT the appt and then you have to wait another 2 months to reschedule the surgery and do#all of the above alllll over again. but like even worse.#bro Im so stressed about money all the time my moms bills keep going up and her bills cost more than my monthly paycheck. its bad out here.#anyway. my nightly tag rant.
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i work really hard to not compare myself to others but it’s so bizarre to me to see other people my age like. going out all the time or travelling or even just living on their own. what do you mean all your money goes to just your own living expenses & your own fun and you aren’t the financial backbone of your family. every time i take vacation days a coworker will ask me if i’m going somewhere and its like no lmfao do you think im made of money. i dont think about it much because it doesn’t really do anything but upset me but deep down im so resentful of every other young adult who doesn’t have to pay their parents bills and just gets to blow their money on whatever the fuck whenever the fuck
#my best friend lives at home but doesn’t pay rent or anything at all and he was talking about buying new games & joycons & stuff#and he just dropped like. a large amount of money on getting a new dog#(impulsively. literally the whole thing happened in 24 hours and he wasn’t thinking about getting a dog at all)#and like its not like i WANT him to not be able to spend his money how he wants#i’m just resentful. because i keep trying to budget for things i want or even a fucking car so i can actually go places without it taking#over an hour. and then something unexpected pops up that i need to cover#like ive used 175% of the money i’ve earned this year on household bills#my savings are in shambles because nobody could afford shit so i had to cover it#and like. im happy to do it i don’t want my family to be screwed. theyre good to me.#but i hate this. and listening to people talk about throwing away money or impulsively spending tons without needing to worry about being#able to keep the lights on or whatever … tests my patience a little#im so resentful of having to be the grownup all the fucking time. why does everyone else get to be fiscally irresponsible and i don’t#freewheeling bitextual#even just people moving out … like i could afford to move out and i WOULD be if it wouldn’t completely fuck over everyone else#‘oh you live with your parents? you must save a lot of money that way’ fuck you!!! fuck you!!!!!!!#see what did i say. this train of thought is bad for me <3
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This is something I learned at one of the pre-op visits for my breast reduction! My surgeon was basically I think an independent surgeon (as I guess I would imagine is common for “cosmetic”/plastic surgeons?) and she was telling us a little bit about what to do for talking to insurance about the surgery and stuff, and she mentioned that for us going through insurance it would be at a particular hospital, but she also often did surgeries where people didn’t use there insurance, and she did those at some other place, and the price she charged up front was much lower, because that was the actual cost of the surgery (and equipment and everyone’s salaries etc.) and she had to raise the ticket price significantly when people would go through insurance, because the insurance company would negotiate that price down, and then keep some of the money. (Obviously for us and many others it still worked out to be cheaper for us out of pocket to go through insurance, but the amount she made was roughly the same even though it would look like she charged thousands more for my breast reduction than for someone not using insurance)
So, when you get those bills from your insurance after a doctors visit, and there’s that little table that tells you, this is the cost of the visit, this is the discount we got you, this is how much we paid, this is how much you still have to pay?
That line about “we got you this discount” is misleading. They actually caused the provider to raise the initial cost of your care by that amount, or more, in anticipation of the insurance company refusing to pay the full amount so that they could tell you they got you a discount.
"Why does a 15-minute visit with a doctor cost 150 bucks in America???" you're gonna want to read Money-Driven Medicine, by Maggie Mahar, and probably also The Social Transformation of American Medicine, to answer that question. It is not because your doctor is a greedy bastard; your doctor does not see most of that money. It is because the system is broken to a level that is truly impressive in its dedication to making a shit ton of money for insurance company executives and shareholders.
#my doctors visits are always around 3 or 400 for me because they never get billed as physicals because I also need prescriptions filled#and I need to go in 4x a year because adderall is so heavily restricted#and my last visit was actually $700 because they needed to drug test me not even for a real reason but because at the previous visit when#they drug tested me (also for bullshit reasons- to check that I was taking my meds instead of selling them or soemthing)#it came up with a false positive for opioids. which I don’t have access to or interest in and would not have been in my system#(mom’s nurse friend hypothesized that maybe the poppy seeds on the wverythign bagel I probably had for breakfast that morning set it off. it#seems like that’s a pretty common food to have and they should either warn you ahead of time about that or it shouldn’t be sensitive enough#to pick that up)#and insurance was like ‘we got you a $195 discount’ which is bs and ‘we paid $4’ which is even stupider#so now at my next virtual visit I’m gonna have to say hey I know the answer is no because of institutionalized stigma against me that you’re#not willing to push back on but I can’t fuckingn afford to keep paying $1600+ a year for what at this point is a middle man between me and a#pharmacist because I’ve been on this medication for fucking ages and all my other ones could be refilled at a yearly physical#so is there any way we could change things up somehow. and she’s going to say no. and I’m going to be angry and upset about it for days#back when i was at my pediatrician I had to go in every six months which was annoying but I would happily go back to that over four times a#year#but idk if the rules changed or if the rules are different for adults or if my doctor just sucks bc I brought that up early on and she was#like no this is what we do#I mean. I can technically afford it. I have the money I’m not going into medical debt or anything. I live at home with my parents and have#very low living expenses and my checking account is limited primarily by my own standards of how much I’ve decided I want to be putting into#my savings account each paycheck. but when the biggest expense in my life is something that already frustrates me and that I know is exp too#expensive and that I feel I shouldn’t have to be doing anyway and I know I’m being treated unfairly#it just feels so much worse. having to take money out of my savings account wouldn’t be the end of the world. but it feels wrongs#and I only make like $36#lmao I forgot about the commas thing.#like $36k a year so I also am aware that even though I’m in a lucky place where I’m stable that’s not *that* much money and I feel like that#is how I tend to think of things. because I’m not going to live with my parents forever and I’m deeply aware that for most people who have#to pay a rent or a mortgage $36k is the lower end of things and a seven fucking hundred dollar doctors bill is a big fuckingn deal#for a regular fucking doctors appointment#it’s not like I fucking asked to be drug tested they said ‘pay us to look at your pee or else’#it’s all bullshit
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part 2 lol
so apparently it's really fucking hard to get into the SAS. and ontop of that I've been getting tiktoks of people going around an army base asking why they joined. most responses were to pay off student loans, bills, school, (someone said there's was 6 years of prison or school and *mental note for idea*), the recruiter lied or spoilt them, barracks bunny.
141 (poly?) x notsobaddasssoldier!reader
and now i can't stop thinking of soldier!reader. who really half-assed their way through everything - only doing the job for the money and to pay off student loans + they had nothing better to do.
who somehow ends up being adopted by Price (kinda like Gaz i guess ???) all because reader happened to be in the right place at the right time and saved Price's ass while managing to complete a mission the Task Force were doing.
and it's not that you saved his ass or completed the mission that makes Price go *this is mine* - it's the fact that afterwards all you can say is-
"this shit is so not worth paying off my student loans."
"oh fuck i forgot to cancel my subscription. fuckk- waste of fucking money"
- all the while a building is burning in front of you but yeah just not at all concerned about what had just happened. so price just *grabs you by the back of your neck and holds you up, claiming you as part of his task force now.*
(lol you probably can't do that irl but this is fiction sooo suck my ass.)
and laswell's just like no... they are very much still green john. way too green. no.
but it's too late. he's already introducing you to the task force. singing your praises and you're just like
"man he promised to pay off my student loans and give me food." basically how ur recruiter got ya ass.
enough said. you get the whole off the books speech, saving the world by doing things others wouldn't like. but u couldn't give a rats ass - you should but nah...
and like... you know you're the rookie... you're still green... but some of the shit 141 do you just...
"so you just gonna kidnap the wife AND the child...? right... kid, you wanna watch bluey? here..."
"and you do this often...? crazy."
but you don't exactly protest. how could you with how much you get paid. you kinda just side-eye and look away when it's geta a lil crazy. *bombastic side-eye*
and the other 141 guys - oh my days. become just as enormed as price and want to start really trying to amplify your skills. but every time, they start explaining how to do things - the best way to go about a situation or how to fight a certain way.
you pull this face. like your top lip pulls back, your eyebrows scrunch together, and there's a slight frown on your lips as they speak. like you look confused/disgusted. but you don't even realise cause-
"why're you pulling that face?" 141
"that's... that's just my focusing face..."
"oh..." 141 feels bad
then when they do take you in feild you're shaking your head no. like you haven't been around that long. what the fuck? now you're bout to infiltrate an enemy base!?!?!
"can i just wait in the car?"
"no." price
"i'm gonna vomit."
"aim at the enemy." ghost
people think that because you're suddenly in this badass task force that surely they're just using you for your assets.
they all think you're the 141 barracks bunny. and maybe you should be pissed or annoyed or grossed out. but all you can do is sigh and pause from the burger price got you, and let out a long exhale.
"fuck... maybe i can just do onlyfans or be a pornstar... shit maybe it's not too late..."
"military is bascially sex work - selling my body..."
"not that different from what i'm doing now. body being used, check. body sore in the strangest places, check."
your tone so empty, blank and nonchalant, but there's a serious look in your eyes that when you grab your phone out to maybe do a little research on how you could do that, your phone is snatched from your hand by one of the guys and they walk out the room without a second look back.
with an annoyed huff, you go back to eating your burger. but suddenly, you turn to the person who genuinely thought you were a barracks bunny.
"hey you think if i be a barracks bunny i get out of missions and shit?"
"...that's not how it works..." rando.
"fuck."
and maybe you try...
like you go to price's office and the guys are already in there, chatting about something that you should really pay attention too but you can't be assed. instead you unashamedly start to speak...
"if i suck ya'll dicks can i get out the mission?"
"no. you still have to join." gaz says amused
"even if you-" *que long sigh from price* "even if you suck our dicks."
"that's fucked up. i should've done porn."
and with the most hurt and broken-hearted look on your face, you leave the office, closing the door with a dramatic sigh. the guys just stare at the door in... confusion, amusement, and maybe arousal if ya'll dig that
idk man just gimmie more soldier!reader who just really ain't the fucked, there for money, lowkey hungry and doesn't know what the fuck is happening. kinda a pet or little sibling energy that the 141 love.
bonus*
"wait so they aren't sucking our dicks?" *soap says getting slapped in the back of the head by ghost
a/n: brain is rottinnggg. i should be doing so much other shit but... cod just consumes my brain 24/7
#my post#x reader#poly 141#poly 141 x reader#john price x reader#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#kyle garrick x reader#simon riley x reader#johnny mactavish#johnny mactavish x reader#johnny soap mactavish#captain price x reader#captain john price x reader#platonic 141#?#task force x reader#task force 141#platonic!141 x reader#boowrites#cod mwii#mwii#cod#simon riley#ghost x reader#kyle gaz garrick x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#cod mwii imagines
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80 years already feels short as hell but it also feels long as hell yknow. whereas if i instead say 29,200 doesnt that feel so much shorter
#ignore me am in a depression bout doing math to make myself feel worse#something about how life is exhausting cause like say i live 80 years total i still have abt 60 yrs to go which is abt 22000 days#which means i have to take 11000 showers and brush my teeth 44000 times and buy groceries 3143 times#and doctors appointments and get a job and pay rent and pay phone bill and pay credit card bill and pay and pay and pay#and clean the litterboxes and clean the bathroom and feed the cats and feed the lizard and clean your room and do laundry#and fold laundry and put away laundry and hang up laundry and get dressed and do laundry again and again and again#its EXHAUSTING#and i have suicidal thoughts repellant aka a severe phobia of death and the afterlife or lack thereof#which sounds great and is certainly helpful however it also induces a certain level of hopelessness#cuz no matter how shit i feel theres no way off this ride for me. i just have to keep goinf#the way i explain it to myself is like. i feel like im limping towards a finish line so i can collapse the second i cross it except#there is no finish line‚ the race is just life and it doesnt matter if i dont have the energy to keep going because#not keeping going just isn't an option#i have no energy. im so tired. n i dunno whats gonna happen when i run out of money but am still out of energy#i suppose i go back to overdrawing the tank again probably n just. hope the drain isnt so fast this time and i#can get to a rest point sooner#one way or another i continue#whether thats a pessimistic or optimistic statement is up to you
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