#but it would be unfair to his family
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you and your f/o(s) finally have time to relax and decides to take some extra days off this festive season! where are you going and what will you be doing? 🌴
no pressure in answering, and please take your time! <3
Hi Rin!! <3 I'm finally getting to this ask, sorry for taking so long because I absolutely knew I wanted to answer this when you sent it! 😭💕
Alhaitham and I would just spend the holidays at home. Just him and I (and maybe Kaveh, he's allowed because he is babygirl). We would spend the time before the holidays just decorating the house and baking cookies. Reading, watching our favorite shows, cooking some good food, or ordering takeout. Just... generally treating ourselves to some downtime. (the baking and decorating are mostly initiated and done by me... this man would not decorate on his own nu-uh but Kaveh and I would be all over it).
I tend to get really sad/depressed on Christmas Day for personal reasons so he would just be there for me and spoil me to get my mind off the sad things. Even though it will take some effort to do that but he will go the extra mile because it's me 🥺
Especially with Kaveh also there, there will be enough bickering and life in the house that I will have no time to even waste a thought on being sad.
I think I'd like to invite Cyno, Tighnari and Collei over for a Christmas Dinner as well. We could play card games and all sorts of fun stuff together until late at night. They all leave in high spirits and me and Haitham just tiredly fall into the bed after and cuddle until we both fall asleep. 🥺💕
Not me crying because I wish this was my actual Christmas, brb
Wriothesley and I would probably do the same in prep for Christmas. Baking, decorating, spending time together. We would go to the Christmas market, drink some mulled wine and he'd have to borderline carry me home after because I get tipsy from the stuff so fast but always insist on drinking some every year lmao.
On the day of Christmas we'd just spend the time together preparing some fancy dinner just for the two of us while listening to music and dancing in the kitchen (it's a whole concert). We're not stressing over anything and just go with the flow since we both didn't really celebrated Christmas as a child we just live our best life now and turn the holiday into what we would like it to be. We just chat the evening away over dinner and then watch a movie together on the couch while cuddling up to each other. I will eventually fall asleep because I know myself and he carries me into our shared bed and tucks us in 🥺💕
#🍁 dust mail#🍁 dust moots#🍁 garden visitor: meimeimeirin#can you tell I'm torn on Christmas?#I just want to have a calm holiday with my bf#but my family is... *sigh* I'll not go into detail#let's just say it's complicated#and his family isn't#I have to meet expectations and can't really spend it with him#I just wish we could fuck off and spend it alone just the two of us#but it would be unfair to his family#because they're not.... whatever my family is#not me crying writing these hcs down either#nope not me#sigh... I hope things will get better once I'm done studying and we move away from here#I just hate it#but enough whining#channeling positive energy now *inhales*#thank you for the question rin!! This was cute#even though I sobbed a bit sdkhfsjdk
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I think people forget with Cullen, and characters like Cullen, that indoctrination is a thing. We're lucky to live in an age where we have a surplus of access to resources that allow us to think critically on the structures around us, to the point where we overlook that most people won't and haven't. Cullen was raised in a backwater village where the main educators and leaders were Templars. He was likely taught scripture by Chantry Sisters, he possibly learned to read and write through them. From the day he was born, he was being taught to love and obey the Chantry with out question--and the Chantry teaches that Templars are a force of good.
So I ask you, how the hell was Cullen, at eight or thirteen years old, going to learn about the crimes of Templars? How was he going to unlearn propaganda that was fed him to him every day by people he respected and possibly loved? How was he supposed to be aware that this idolized image of Templars being the saviors of the people and even mages was a lie?
And then he gets shipped off, happily, to be trained a Templar. Again, he's put into this position where he's fed nothing but propaganda. He doesn't get a real taste of the Order being corrupted until he's out in Kinloch and he's not sure what the hell to do because what he's seeing isn't jiving with what he's been taught for nearly two decades. So yeah, he tries to justify it, he tries to have his cake and eat it too by reasoning that mages should be treated like people but also the Order wouldn't lie to him, so they must be right to act like this. The Maker always had a plan, right?
If Cullen had been lucky, maybe he could have realized earlier on that the Order was abusing mages, that he had been tricked, he could have gotten out and unlearned the bigotry that was planted inside him.
But then BAM! the Broken Circle happened and I don't see how no one gets how perfect this is for the Order? They now have a templar that is so traumatized by mages, he will literally do and say anything to justify their abuses because now? Now he's afraid.
And remember, after Origins, Cullen becomes so erratic, he has to be sent off to a Chantry to 'even him out'--where he was more than likely manipulated even further by the Chantry to be this blood thirsty agent for them. When he's shipped to Kirkwall, they could have not delivered to Meredith a better second in command.
So yeah, is it really surprising that he says shit like 'mages aren't people like you and me' when we meet him in Kirkwall? Man is sleep depraved by the looks of him, swallowing all Meredith's frenzied rhetoric on blood mages, he's seeing for himself the damage these mages are doing, he's isolated from his family, he has no actual friends, and he's living with C-PTSD among other issues. Even under the best of conditions, none of what he says or does in DA2 is surprising when you put it all together.
And yet, the man still had enough of that idealistic child left in him to realize see that Meredith was going off the deep end and that he should be protecting the mages. That's text. That's in World of Thedas. The reason why Cullen is able to turn on Meredith in the end is because he was able to see, even clouded by his fear and hatred, that what she was doing was wrong.
And all this isn't to excuse Cullen's wrongs. It's weird how every time someone brings up Cullen's history, it's assumed that it's just a justification for his actions. It's not, it's an an explanation. Cullen was a victim of the Order that became an abuser, a tool, and he is responsible for his actions.
But the thing is, by DAI, Cullen is well aware of his sins and he actively works to better himself by leaving the Order and getting off lyrium (which for most people is a death sentence). People can argue all day about whether or not Cullen's arc in DAI redeems him or was satisfying, or if he did enough to 'prove' that he was sorry or--good god--does he deserve redemption in the first place (which is such a Catholic way of looking at shit by the way; no one 'deserves' redemption; you do it to be better or you fucking don't) but the fact is that Cullen says that he wants to be better, that he sees the Order as--at the very least--flawed.
That, yes, he's still unlearning all the bigotry he held as a younger man and he's ashamed that he was like that to begin with.
You can hate him all you like, and whatever, but Cullen's story--intentionally or not--is about a man born into an oppressive society, raised to uphold its beliefs, used and abused by it, and then awakening to those lies and trying to free himself from those beliefs so he could be a better person.
And sometimes I genuinely wonder if the reason so many people hate Cullen is because they themselves might have dealt with something similar in our own oppressive society where they also had to unlearn harmful bigotry and maybe, just maybe, he hits too close to home.
#cullen rutherford#writing#this about this guy again and how he gets such an unfair shake when I know for a fact a good portion of us are no better#you can say you are that you would know as a CHILD that this was wrong but hahaha I guess some of us aren't able to see through propaganda#man is nuanced as hell and the statements 'Cullen was a victim who was brainwashed by the Chantry' and 'Cullen is a grown man who actively#hurt mages for his own selfish reasons' can co exist quite easily#you know like how Blackwall also killed an entire family for money and yet has spent years trying to atone for that mistakes#anyway I'm right get out of my house
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Sometimes you just need to cry while your partner holds you <3
Proshippers/adjacent dni. 100000 shark attack 🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈 also Zooble self ship doubles dni
#self ship community#self ship#f/o x s/i#safeship#safeshipping#safeship community#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc zooble#tadc self ship#🔺️🍥 Plastiscene 🐶🌈#anyway hi guess who had a really bad mental breakdown yesterday 👍#I staryed this last night but was so exhausted I couldn't finish it#it's just a quick thing I did to comfort myself after all of that#Wafflez has a bad habit of bottling up their emotions#< just like me (they are me lol)#it's a bad habit of mine but in my situation I don't really have a choice but to do it#my family has made it clear they don't have any intentions of learning about my mental illness#< And they don't understand my feelings or trauma at all#and my therapist refuses to diagnose me eith anything or give me proper treatment#AND there isn't a psychiatrist anywhere out here who will see me#so basically I'm just kind of fucked lol#I like to imagine Zooble would let me release all of it#they'd let me be open and honest about everything I struggle with#and they'd let me yell about how unfair it is that so many people have hurt me and gotten away with it#they wouldn't make me feel bad or stupid for feeling my emotions ''the wrong way''#I lovr them so much and I wish they were real <3#didn't mean to say that muchin the tags sorry lol
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Philza Year Wrap
All my Philza designs for my AUs. Or the more interesting ones, limited space and all that.
From left to right:
Dragon + scaled is from Fault
Lab coat is from Where, then, do your loyalties lie?
Antlers is from Lord, what fools these mortals be!
Suit is from Mandatory Family Reunion
Lantern is from Lighting Lanterns to Bring You Home
Ragged Crow is from Golden Apples (Gilded Atrophy)
And silly little interaction page!
#im sad to say thats probably the best gun I've ever drawn and you can barely even tell#it's almost unfair how much cooler his drip is compared to Tommy#Mfr doing 👉👈 with a gun is my favorite#Philza#philza minecraft#philza fanart#philza fanfic#Mumza#mumza fanart#I love how much prettier Lord!’s wings are compared to Golden Apple’s#Also Fault would totally murder Loyalties no question about it#“YOU WORK FOR THE FOUNDATION!?”#“Yeah neither of us are happy about it mate!”#Tw blood#tw gun#Oh my god I forgot Lord!’s wings in one panel oops lol#fault au#mandatory family reunion#something to nom on
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when max is depressed we know something's wrong because lucas says with his words that he knows something's wrong but when mike is depressed we don't think anything of it because will's right next to him rolling his eyes about how stupid straight people are
#briony babbles#1) don't assume people's sexualities#I recently saw this from my family members#reacting like !!!!!!! to a girl they know... also like girls?#'oh wow I didn't see that coming' yeah that's because you don't think girls liking girls is normal#so it's sad to see queer people do the same thing bc you KNOW irl queer people act like will#2) I get it romance is stupid people who aren't queer at all and having all these stupid rules for engaging in it are especially stupid#but I listen to my sister talk about her boy drama because I care about her#and it's not just 'how to get them together' it's 'how to help her feel better'#I'm not 15 so maybe I'm being unfair with my wisdom that will doesn't have because he is 15 but like#if I see someone I love people pleasing and feeling like they owe someone a romantic relationship because they're too empathetic#I tell them they should consider working on their boundaries#because I want them to be with someone who makes them truly happy#and then with mike it's just ASSUMING that it's el in THAT WAY#when the only relationship advice he wants to hear is that it's okay to break up with el and still be friends#because he can't lose her again#and ONCE AGAIN he is NOT STRAIGHT#assuming things is stupid! even if he WAS straight but he wasn't happy in the relationship it would be okay to go back to being friends!#mike's problems are just as individual-specific and difficult to understand for his friends as max's are#especially because they won't just say it#but max gets lucas who tries so hard to understand without being told#and mike tries so hard to tell will without saying it outright and will keeps not hearing him#i'm sorry i wasn't there 'it's not your fault' no 'i disappeared' no no you didn't! i just didn't look hard enough. but i see you now#fanon won't tell you this but the point of byler s4 is for *will* to prove that he's good enough for *mike*#mike already did that by being the best bf in the world before they were even dating for the first 2 seasons of the show#saved will's life twice and y'all wanna act like mike doesn't deserve him. shut the fuck up
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i think human nature/family of blood is a really good two parter in how it manages to show how full of shit ten is 🫶
#look . i LOVE ten . esp whatevers going on w him in s3 he's horrible and i like that#but just !! martha :(#its so incredibly unfair to martha he doesnt unleash his wrath on the Family he chooses to hide instead and okay yeah fair#and sure u can say the tardis chose the setting and time period for them to hide in but like#did that not filter in to his calculations he went through all that turned himself human put his friendship with martha to the test in#the worst way possible. knowing she wouldn't let herself leave him even if he was Abhorrent towards her (and he was) because#of her duty to the universe and beyond and whatever . to blend in and keep the Family off their tails#and she's put in a demeaning position and degraded and even he doesn't seem to care much for her but she still hangs on#and then in the end its like its all for naught. all that pain and suffering martha went through being the only one w her wits about her#he had the capacity to deal w the threat the whole time he had the ability to dole out a horrible punishment he could definitely#have dealt with them a different way than that too .#and instead in his quest to be the bigger person he ends up putting martha through the horrors and then#does the same with the Family anyway ! i dont think he can ever tell her how harshly he dealt with them#surely this isnt an original thought im just thinking Way too much about blue moon by niki#he Does care more about being good than being good to her specifically !! and its so upsetting theyre so volatile i miss them#its more complicated than that sure but at the same time. it sort of isnt .#anyway martha jones my love my life u deserved at least a billion apologies alongside the thanks like god . whats wrong w him#oh and also he wants to move on without properly talking about it . act as if it never happened#like girl be fucking considerate for ONCE she just went through a personal hell for you !!! how insanely lonely she must of been#i dont believe martha ever let him just brush past it w no acknowledgement like yes i think she definitely didnt want to discuss the#accidental confession but i Do think she would sit him down to finally get him to Accept he cant just take her wherever in the past#if he's not ready to look out for her . its a vital conversation i think they need to have otherwise martha would just walk out there#not even love could make her stay through that its been established already she has the strength to try walk away#and also to try and but through his bullshit and demand answers . and here more than ever she deserves his acknowledgement and he Knows it
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when people act like colin would just accept someone he's dating being mean to penelope it's just like. that's not true. he decided to eternally have beef with cressida bc she was mean to penelope one time in his presence. he hears portia being mean to penelope and immediately tells her off so thoroughly it changes the course of the entire featherington family. and u want me to believe he would be chill with someone he's dating being mean to her? be so serious.
#speaking#bridgerton#yes this is a continuation of my stop mischaracterizing marina posting.#but this is also abt ppl mischaracterizing colin like i kind of understand where the 'colin takes penelope for granted' take came from but#i also don't really think that's true. it's more true in the book where he literally says he takes it for granted that she'll be there but#even then it's like. she's just a part of his life bc she's so close to the bridgerton family and eloise in particular. of everything#you can hate book colin for (and i do) his relationship with penelope before they get together is the most nonsensical.#but back to my point! in s1 he's the one who initiates all of their interactions aside from when she tries to tell him marina is in love#with someone else and even in that conversation where he's patronizing to her he still recognizes she's trying to be a good friend#and at the basset ball he apologizes for not listening to her and tells her she inspired him to travel#and in s2 he confides in her multiple times and talks abt appreciating her and her friendship. it's the entire reason#for his involvement with jack's mines (and there's some deleted scene scripts from s2 that show he knew smth was up from the beginning so#if we take those as canon he knowingly got himself involved in a scam in order to protect her/her family)#and i do think the 'i would never court' comment skewed ppl's perception especially bc they never gave the context or a reason#for that comment so it just gets left as him blowing her off (after spending most of the season leaning hard into the unrequited angle)#but it just feels revisionist like. sure she has the right to be angry/hurt abt that comment but to discount their entire relationship#and the multiple times colin has shown how much he values her bc this one comment must be the end all be all of his feelings is just.#incredibly unfair to him. especially considering the comments penelope makes abt people as lw like we're supposed to understand that's#not all she is but apparently that is all colin is. okay. sure. she's literally important to him and he highly values her#friendship but sure. whatever.
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Am I the only one that really struggles with the idea of Radskier's current relationship status being listed as "Ex-Lovers" in the shipping wiki, or...?
#Radskier#Radovid#Jaskier#I tried negotiating for “Maybe-Lovers” but failed...#Like I understand that they are facing an uncertain future#But they made it pretty clear they still have feelings for each other and do want to be together...#It's just that Jaskier needs to first make sure his family is safe...#Realistically he could very much wind up dead while trying to rescue Ciri before they have a chance to take things between them any further#So he can't really promise Radovid anything and it would be kind of unfair to “keep him waiting”...#And sadly Radovid's own attempt to run away from his life at court to be with Jaskier was thwarted by as slight case of#Acute Dead Kingnitis#Somehow#it feels like saying: Romeo and Juliet stopped being lovers and became exes the moment they encountered#challenges and obstacles preventing them from being together...#I... Yeah. Something just doesn't sit right.#I'd literally put “Uncertain” as their current status then.#But “exes”?#Really?#It sounds so final and like they're totally done with each other already!#Unless people are using a different definition than mine when they are talking about exes...#Exes just feel so weird man...#My Posts#My thoughts#That are like 99% in the tags...
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Anthony Ainley guests as medical specialist Josef Kerston, a doctor but also (shock!) a villain, in The Adventurer: The Bradley Way (1.4, ITC, 1972)
#fave spotting#anthony ainley#the adventurer#doctor who#the master#ainley!master#classic doctor who#itc#1972#the bradley way#perhaps villain is a little unfair; it's briefly established that Ainley's doctor is a genuine medical professional whose involvement in#the villains' plot is because of pressure being applied on his family behind the iron curtain (so... does Gene defeating the#baddies plan get Ainley's family killed?? who knows‚ but i can't imagine it would lose Mr World's Greatest Everything any sleep)#he may not have been The Master yet but Ainley was a fairly regular face on tv at this point in his career. earlier in 72 he'd been a#co lead in ATV's spy thriller Spyder's Web‚ as well as recently guesting in high profile series like Elizabeth R‚ The Shadow of the Tower#and Out of the Unknown. he'd even recently made film appearances‚ with strong roles in The Blood on Satan's Claw and Assault#really this was his busiest period; by the time he was making Dr Who Ainley was more or less financially secure and didn't need to work#(famously he just absolutely loved being The Master‚ and it was more or less all he did from the 80s onwards until the end of the classic#series secured his retirement). i can't honestly say that he attacks this role in the same way as he did the Master‚ but then it's not much#of a part all told; he's just there to be doctorly and occasionally suggest sinister things are afoot. but always nice to see him pop up
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"X is just a guy" is a popular phrase to throw around these parts when talking about blorbos, but I swear, and I am 100% stone faced serious when I say this, not a single character has ever done it quite like Geralt from The Witcher books.
#sure your guy is maybe just a normal man in an unfair supernatural circumstance#but is acknowledgent of his guyhood a conclusion of a gut wrenching character study about trauma personal and generational#about the lies we tell ourselves so we can ignore the hurt we feel#did your guy spend the entire story desperately dehumanizing himself clinging to his alledged non-personhood#did he insist at every opportunity and despite an overwhelming mountain of evidence to the contrary that his torturers were successful#that they did make him into a monster without feelings without morals without future#are the people who did this to him the only family he ever had and the only people who would ever accept him now that he's this?#did they also go through the exact same process themselves do they genuinely love him on top of that?#does your guy reference his acquired infertility every time the topic of sex comes up#only to end up raising a daughter with the equall infertile love of his life?#does he defy his non human credo all the time by being unable to stop being kind an empathetic#and never acknowledges it because he can't bear thinking of himself as anything but ''a witcher''?#is he just a guy?#geralt of rivia#the witcher#the witcher books
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Just personal thoughts about Bobby's... Goodbye today.
#qsmp#his death was justified by his recklessness#it hurts. it feels unfair. it is sad#but its also like something that would happen. bad things happen all the time and people that don't deserve it die.#in a way bobby chose this#and im actually glad that it was his adventurous soul that took him from us rather than the immortal code#because even when its really sad. at least we know that he died doing what he liked the most#that being said.#Roier was so brave for Jaiden. he cares so much about her. he loves his family SO MUCH. he knows there's nothing else to do and STILL#mi hermano. me rompió el corazón verlo aguantarse las lágrimas y como dijo. es el rol pero de verdad estoy triste#Jaiden. my god jaiden was so brave too. i cant imagine the pain of losing someone so loved. of having to LET GO. even when you know#you know they are there. so close and yet unreachable#la familia mas bonita del qsmp les queda pequeño. de verdad que demostraron una fuerza y un amor inigualables#y Bobby. nuestro bobby chingón. le robaste el corazón a todos en el server. le robaste el corazón a miles de personas#no voy a ver un Bobberol de la misma forma nunca. eres un huevito maravilloso. gracias por todo
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See this is what I hate when people know I’m off from work. It allows them to call me and ask me to do shit for them. Like no sir, I’m off so I can destress and sort out my own shit not yours. And yet, another call this week, another crap added to my plate. Which just throws that whole trying to destress part out of the way.
#I’ve got an older brother that just gets to live his life while I’m stuck having to deal with all our family stuff and it’s unfair that I#get all the burden of handling it all#it’s too much sometimes#like for once I would love to feel supported not always being the one doing the supporting
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also if you're comparing jc saving an innocent living human child to jc keeping a weapon used to murder someone then im a little concerned about your framing of this supposedly noble act. if he keeps the flute to have it in his rooms and obsess over how much he hates wwx and dwell in his bitterness and grief then how does that translate to how he treats the child he has under his care who also reminds him of wwx
#I feel like that would translate to really harsh and unfair treatment#and bitterness. like lsz being raised by someone who hates his catetakers and who advocates for the murder of him and his entire famy#family* is not a heartwarming prospect??? jc doesnt even treat his own nephew well. wwx would have come back to a kid even more traumatized#and abused than he already had been#by abuse im referring to the jins abuse of power btw. not the wens themselves ofc they never would hurt him#but he IS and abused child and jc is literally the last person in the world you'd want taking care of him. esp since hes a wen#hed grow up not knowing why jc hates him so much or what he did wrong and maybe even boundby the same debt that kept wwx himself w thejiang#with no siblings either. bro that's so miserable to contemplate#cql txp
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IGNORE ME I'M SORRY I KEEP TALKING ABT IT i'm just so not used to my cat not being around and it kinda kills me inside to not hear him walking around or meowing or sleeping at the bottom of the staircase anymore... it used to be like a nightly routine where i'd go downstairs and make myself a drink and give him some water and now i just. don't even wanna go down there anymore.
#you really underestimate how different things will be when they're gone. 18 years of learning his new routines and favorite places to nap#and it's just all. gone. not like i didn't experience it but just the fact that i will never experience it with him again... it's so hard#& that's like the last vestige of my childhood gone too. i mean i got my current dog when i was around 13/14 and she's gettin' up there too#so it's just like. my life dropped out from under me and i'm desperately clinging to what is left but there's not much#everything feels so hollow and i don't know hoe to vocalize that because my family is always trying so hard to heal and i don't want to#make their grief process any harder by accidentally awakening the same latent feelings in them. or whatever#i just miss him so so much but i know we made the right choice. he was old and we had a lot of good years together and we saved him from#spending his last few days in suffering by ending his pain early and offering him as much love and warmth and comfort as we could#and i know he appreaciated it and i know he loves us all and like that's not the part i have issue with#it's just. his lack of presence. i don't deny that his ghost may be around (my famjly is very spiritual like that and i have heard him) but#physically he's gone forever except for chunks of his fur and whatever else is laying around#loss is just so fucking unfair because it's completely understandable and makes total sense but it will never ever be unable to be felt...#idk. i'm just exhausted and sad and i miss my little guy. hell i still miss my dog and that happened like 5 years ago#love never goes away it just changes shaoe and makes you really really sad and kinda wanna kill youself but that would make THEM sad#so. you gotta live. you gotta be brave.
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Hm. Something I’ve been thinking about (since I never shut up about Miguel apparently) is the idea that maybe there’s not supposed to be, to his understanding of what happened, a singular canon event that he breaks when dipping dimensions, it’s more the idea that he “breaks” canon by no longer being present to carry out his own canon events, by wanting something outside of what was apparently predestined to him, and the universe punished him for it.
I broke [canon] once myself, he says, but he doesn’t name the event even as the examples he pulls up are labelled.
Perhaps the “event”, as the characters perceive it, could just be something as simple as by virtue of replacing alt!Miguel he negated the intended effect of the man’s death upon the world around him.
But I just wonder. Because the way Miguel speaks of this to Miles portrays his own wanting for something different as being what he thinks invoked that destruction.
“We all want to live the life we wish we had, believe me I’ve tried. And the harder I tried, the more damage I did. You can’t have it all, kid.”
I wanted something more, but Spider-Man’s fate is set. Any and all events, regardless of their nature. And defying that fate, trying to live a life beyond what it asked of me killed people.
If you alter your course from canon in any way, you hurt people.
#tunes talks spiderverse#long post#idk idk just thinking thoughts#I find it interesting to think of different ways we can interpret the same information#interpret the characters’ thinking in different ways#maybe they DO think alt!Miguel’s death was a canon event and our Miguel just didn’t know at the time#but i wonder. considering there’s a big overhanging metanarrative question about the purpose of suffering in spiderman stories#- asking us who suffers (Gwen being constantly fridged) and why -#it could be a matter of the characters thinking if they try escape or outwit ‘predetermined’ suffering the universe will only take more from#you#it’s so interesting to me because Miguel pre-dimension dip left because he felt such an absence of joy in his life#he was deeply unhappy and wanted something as simple as a happy family life#he doesn’t WANT to be in pain. some part of him resents the idea that this seems to be his lot in life#he resents it as much as Miles does. but he believes he needs to bear it because look what happened when u wanted better you hurt people#and like. have yammered about this in a previous post but I think part of his nasty rant at Miles is abt offloading some of that suppressed#resentment for the toll this fate has taken on him onto Miles#he blames Miles because Miles is THERE. you can control that at least. it’s not the intangible cosmic force that would apparently as soon as#murder you than change#it’s unfair of him to do so (offload onto Miles I mean) DEEPLY unfair and inappropriate behaviour.#but also god. is the desire not to hurt anymore so human. is the idea of RESENTING that hurt being ur lot in life human#the narratives…they’re foiling….
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gojo never imagined an arrange marriage with you, but now you’re all he can think about.
he thinks about you when he’s training, when he’s seated at his round table, when he’s in his bed, everywhere, every time, you’re all he can think about.
and you’re oblivious to it.
you heard the gossip everywhere you walked, about the girl gojo was pleading with his family to marry. how much he loved her, how beautiful she was, how much more elegant she was compared to you. you knew you were never his first choice, not even his fifth, but it hurt even more when everybody acknowledged it.
you stopped wearing your wedding ring, started acting like you were just another person there. luckily gojo didn’t seem to be in any hurry about making heirs, so pretending like you two were working things out didn’t even matter anymore.
you find yourself alone most of the time. your maids were kind and patient, but they had so many things to do throughout the day that you felt awful pestering them to walk around the estate with you.
eating dinners with gojo became normal, but most of your other meals were in silence, always feeling like a speck of dust in the large dining hall.
one day when you’re walking around aimlessly you stumble across the training grounds, the open space below you filled with men swinging wooden swords back and forth at each other.
it wasn’t difficult to find your husband, his white hair hard to miss in a crowd of others. he didn’t notice you watching from above, and so you stayed hidden, not knowing if the men were picky with who watched them.
he was swift and agile. everything he did was precise and with meaning. no wonder he was named the best warrior of the north.
you found this to be more entertaining than walking around the gardens for the tenth time or watching the cooks assemble the next meal, so you didn’t even notice how gojo looked up to see you, somehow slipping away without you knowing.
you were in a state of watching but not really thinking, almost jumping out of your skin when you heard his voice behind you.
“didn’t know i had an audience,”
you yelp, flinching as you look behind you to see your husband all sweaty, panting slightly as he moves his hair away from his face. you eye the stairs that led him up here, wondering how you could’ve missed that.
you laugh sheepishly, giving him an apologetic smile as you pick are your nails.
“i’m sorry,” you scratch behind your ears, feeling heat rise to your cheeks under his intense gaze. it’s unfair how pretty somebody can look, especially after training for an hour straight, “i was just walking around and i saw this.”
he waved it off, shaking his head as he leaned his sword on the wall.
“not a problem,” his eyes shine, “i just would’ve tried harder if i knew my wife was watching.”
my wife.
the words fall so smoothly from his lips you wonder how many times he’s said it before. with malice, hatred, necessity?
you smile a little bit, eyes crinkling around the edges as you look away briefly, not noticing the way gojo chased after your cheerful face.
“how’d you get up here? where are your ladies?” he asks suddenly, looking around at the fact that it was just you up here.
“my what?” you say, looking up at him through furrowed brows.
“you know,” he waves his arm around as if that would help, “you’re ladies in waiting,”
you scrunch up your nose a little bit, something he noticed you did when you were confused.
“oh, well, my maids are working right now,” you tell him, noting that he still didn’t look any less confused.
“no, not your maids, your ladies,” he tilts his head to the side, “the girls your family sent them up to help you around.”
you stare at him, unblinking.
“the girls that are your friends, the ones that help accustom you…” gojo trials off when he realizes he’s not getting anywhere with you.
you feel even more embarrassed than when he caught you watching him, hating the way you were clueless at yet another thing in this life that no one explained to you.
“the girls you hang around with?” he finally lands on, hoping this jogs your memory.
you shake your head, eyes wide as you fidget with the fabric of your dress. his eyes fall onto your finger, lingering on the fact that you’re not wearing your ring.
“who do you spend your time with throughout the day?” gojo seems even more lost than you. he’s seen you with…? well surely that one time…?
“by,” you swallow, embarrassed, “by myself. i walk around a lot.” you admit sheepishly.
“your family didn’t send…?” he answers his own question with his silence.
this entire time you’ve been alone?
he opens his mouth to speak but somebody beats him to it.
“satoru! get down here! we’re still not done!” his friends shouts from below, and you look over your shoulder to see all the men staring at the two of you.
gojo stares at you, unblinking.
“i,” he swallows but can’t find any words.
you can’t either.
he leaves you there, running down those stairs as he shouts at the other guys to resume what they were doing. that entire day he was off his balance because he kept looking up to see you there, but you weren’t.
maybe you were just walking around, like you said.
#gojo x reader#gojo x you#satoru x reader#gojo drabble#jjk x reader#jjk drabble#gojo angst#arranged!gojo
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