#I feel like that would translate to really harsh and unfair treatment | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ouyangzizhensdad · 4 years ago

Text

On the importance of MianMian: musings on the differences between the novel and CQL (PART 2/2)

If you haven’t already, please read through part one first, otherwise this will probably not be very cohesive or comprehensible. There is also some bonus meta because I keep having thoughts about MianMian.

In part one, I contrasted MianMian’s first appearance in the novel and the web series in order to show how MianMian’s characterisation and position within her society were established quite differently in both works. In this post, I will explore the domino effect of those adaptation choices, as well as consider how the two subsequent appearances of MianMian in the novel got translated into a visual format in CQL. Through this exercise, my goal is not only to illuminate the depth and significance of this minor character in the novel, but also to argue that the way her scenes were adapted in CQL ultimately reduced the impact of the character and excised many of the nuances put into her portrayal despite increasing her presence in the work.

(although kudos to CQL for casting Ann Wang because I do not get tired of looking at her face: look at that smile 😳)

The Servant’s Daughter Valued Jin Cultivator Standing up to a Room of Powerful Cultivators

In the novel, we meet MianMian for a second time after the Sunshot campaign has ended. Cultivators from the main sects and allied sects (including some who used to be loyal to the Wens!) are discussing at Jinlintai Wei Wuxian’s actions after he protected the Wens and set up residence on Mass Grave Hill. By that time, it appears her position in her sect, and even her sect’s position, has grown. We can speculate as to why (my personal take is that MianMian proved herself during the war and that her sect is one of the sect who pledged loyalty to the Jin and gained influence as a result). What is important is that she goes from someone who is so inconsequential she might have not even have been a disciple yet when we met her to someone who stands next to a sect leader (who we can safely assume in this context to be her sect leader). A lot is hinted about her character and what she experienced since we last saw her through that small and innocuous detail.

Suddenly, a careful voice interjected, “It’s not killing indiscriminately, is it?”

Lan Wangji seemed to have entered a realm of zen that blocked all of his senses. Hearing this, however, he moved, looking over. The one who spoke was a young woman with a fair face, standing beside one of the sect leaders.

I will not repeat here the entirety of her speech, which highlights the hypocrisy and the bad faith of the sects, and particularly the Jin sect’s unwillingness to shoulder any blame for their deplorable treatment of the Wens. Instead, I find important to highlight how the other cultivators present react to MianMian based on her positionality.

First, MianMian’s opinions are undercut by the people present due to the fact that she is a woman. Her motivations for speaking out are reduced to the irrational ramblings of a maiden in love.

“You can stop arguing,” someone sneered suddenly. “We don’t want to hear the comments of someone who has other motives.”

The woman’s face flushed.

“Explain things,” she said, raising her voice. “What do you mean, that I have other motives?”

“There’s no need for me to say anything. You know deep down and we know too. You fell for him back in the cave of the Xuanwu just because he flirted with you? You’re still arguing for him, calling white black no matter how irrational it is. Ha, women will always be women.”

The incident of Wei Wuxian saving a damsel in distress in the cave of the Xuanwu was indeed once a topic of conversation. Thus, many people realized immediately that this young woman was ‘MianMian’.

At once, somebody murmured, “So that’s why. Explains how she’s so desperate as to speak up for Wei Wuxian…”

“Irrational?” she fumed. “Calling white black? I’m just being considerate as it stands. What does it have to do with the fact that I’m a woman? You can’t be rational with me so you’re attacking me with other things?”

Then, when members of her own sect disparage her for speaking up, they suggest that her place in the discussion, in this palace of gilded power and privilege, is ultimately illegitimate or at the very least incredibly easy to render illegitimate.

“Stop wasting your time on her. That this kind of person actually belongs to our sect, that she was even able to find her way into the Golden Pavilion; I feel ashamed standing alongside her.

Many of those who spoke against her were from the same sect.

In this situation, not even her fellow sect members are willing to come to her defense or to give her the benefit of the doubt; she is to be shamed and separated from them, lest her actions reflect badly on their own standing.

MianMian’s choice to leave her sect behind is meaningful because she is not privileged. She does not have anyone powerful in her corner to back her up. She does not have many options; people act like she should be glad to even have made it this far, and we can infer that she only achieved her current position due to her skills and hard work. It is also meaningful because she is making that choice while knowing that she’s giving up on the privileges of the social position that she has worked to achieve. The fact that she is giving up on something big is highlighted by the reactions of many cultivators after her departure, who think she will come crawling back to find once more the security and privilege of the position she left behind.

Saying nothing, MianMian turned around and left. A while later, someone laughed. “If you’re taking it off, then don’t put it on again, if you’re so capable!”

“Who does she think she is… leaving as she pleases? Who cares? What is she trying to prove?”

Soon, some began to agree, “Women will always be women. They quit just after you say a few harsh words. She’ll definitely come back on her own, a couple of days later.”

“There’s no doubt. After all, she finally managed to turn from the daughter of a servant to a disciple, haha…”

Beyond what it means for her characterisation and the themes explored in the novel, this moment is significant because there are clear parallels between how she is treated in that moment and how WWX is talked about for protecting the Wen remnants and, later, for ‘deserting’ the Jiang sect. In fact, just before MianMian speaks out, sect leaders call WWX a “servant” and the “son of a servant” when underlying the ‘nerve’ of his ‘arrogance’ toward the sects with his actions.

One of the sect leaders added, “To be honest, I’ve wanted to say this since a long time ago. Although Wei Wuxian did a few things during the Sunshot Campaign, there are many guest cultivators who did more than him. I’ve never seen anyone as full of themselves as him. Excuse my bluntness, but he’s the son of a servant. How could the son of a servant be so arrogant?”

These passages are also reminiscent of the way WWX is discussed by cultivators celebrating his death in the prologue:

“That’s right, good riddance! If the YunmengJiang sect had not adopted him, educated him—this Wei Ying would have been a mediocre scoundrel all his life, nothing but riffraff…… what else could he be! The former head of the Jiang clan treated him as his own son, but what a son! [...]”

“I can’t believe Jiang Cheng really let this arrogant manservant live for so long. If it were me, when this Wei first defected, I wouldn’t have just stabbed him; I’d have cleaned house straight away. Then he wouldn’t have had the opportunity to commit all those deranged acts later. When it comes to these sorts of people, how can you even take sentiments like ‘same clan’, ‘same sect’, or ‘childhood loyalty’ into consideration?”

Due to the circumstances of their birth, even people who manage to achieve a higher position in society hold a tenuous grasp on the power and respect they have gained: their legitimacy is fraught. And even if they play the game right, the lines of legitimate belonging are always ready to be renegotiated by those in power. Despite the “few things” he did during the Sunshot Campaign that aligned with the interest of the sects, and despite being raised among the gentry in the Jiang sect and being perceived as a gongzi, WWX remains in the imaginary of the cultivators who see themselves as the legitimate holders of power as someone who needs to “remember his place”, someone who should be grateful and loyal as he has been “allowed” to raise in influence and be treated well in society despite being the son of a servant. And so when he stands against the interests of the sects, he’s not just betraying them: he betraying the social order which gives them legitimacy. This is directly tied to MianMian’s treatment in this scene. In the novel, MianMian is not only shamed and dismissed because she speaks out against the sects: it is also, if not primarily, because she did not, in the process, “remember her place”.

The scene as it is presented in the novel thus goes out of its way to set up a clear parallel between WWX and MianMian, not only in regards to their righteousness, but also in regards to how they are perceived and treated for being the children of servants. It also takes pain to underline the unfair treatment of women in that society. Moreover, if we’re only considering MianMian’s characterisation, it says a lot to see her have reached this level of importance in her sect despite her circumstances and then for her to let it all go.

In CQL? You’ve probably guessed it; all of these nuances are evacuated from the text. On top of the fact that MianMian continues to be established as a valued member of the Jin sect, the scene is cut short and a lot of the censure sent her way is excised. There are no mentions of her ‘having made her way’ into the room of powerful people who are allowed have an opinion on the state of the world. No mentions of her low social background and no mocking that she will crawl back to her sect after realising she can’t make it into the world without their influence and support. No dismissal of her based on the fact that she is a woman, or suggestions that she is standing up for the YLLZ only because she is enamoured with him. The scene is turned into a pale shadow of its original.

Instead of these elements, we do get a gasp from JZX (which becomes a dangling plot thread because he does not stand up for her nor does he reach out for her even though she’s supposed to be his good friend, nor do we see him being conflicted about being unable to beyond his gasp) and MianMian telling JGS that she is leaving his sect, which I’ll admit is pretty baller. But it does not even come close to having the significance and thematic implications of the scene as presented in the novel. CQL!MianMian stands up against the organized smear campaign against WWX and the sects’ unwillingness to accept their faults, and is only disregarded for having spoken against them: not because of who she was while she was raising doubts about their evaluation of the right and wrong. And that is significant, because it undercuts the discussions the novel explores through so many other characters about the impacts of being considered inferior by others.

The Travelling Rogue Cultivator who Stayed Home

Finally, in the novel, we meet MianMian once more when her daughter, Xiao MianMian, stumbles upon something she should not have seen while accompanying her parents on a night-hunt. The reason their paths cross is that, just like Wangxian, MianMian feels compelled to pursue night-hunts other cultivators disregard for their lack of glory in order to help the common people. This is her life mission as a travelling rogue cultivator: differently put, she goes where the chaos is. This set-up serves to highlight that MianMian and Wangxian are like-minded and share the same definition of what it means to be ‘Righteous’.

He asked, “Did you come here to night-hunt as well?”

Luo Qingyang nodded, “Yes. I heard spirits are haunting a nameless graveyard on this mountain, disturbing the lives of the people here, so I came to see if there’s any way I could help. Have you two cleaned it up already?”

The night-hunt also serves to reintroduce the theme of deception and rumours, and the ways in which MianMian is a character who is not swayed by public opinions but knows how easily others may be.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji exchanged a glance. “This was a lie too. No lives were lost. We looked it up. Only a few villagers who robbed the graves were bedridden for a while after being scared by the ghosts, and another broke his own leg when running away. Apart from these, there were no casualties. All those lives were made up for dramatic purposes.”

“So this was what happened?” interjected Luo Qingyang’s husband. “That’s absolutely shameless!”

“Oh, these people…” sighed Luo Qingyang. She seemed as if she remembered something, shaking her head, “They’re the same everywhere.”

This is because in the novel MianMian is tied to many themes, and always in a positive manner. Like WWX, she represents the good that is stifled by an unjust social order. She also represents the people who choose to defy and deviate from this social order to pursue a righteous life rather than trying to find vindication and power within that very social order (ie JGY or XY). Like the juniors, MianMian is a character that represents hope for the cultivation world, the potential for small but significant change. Like WWX and LWJ, she represents integrity in the face of the corrupting influences of power and politics, as well as the desire to protect the common people. Like Cangse Sanren, she represents the courage to make her own path in the world, and to marry for love with no considerations for social status or conventions, and the decision to becoming a travelling rogue cultivator.

On top of all these great things this scene accomplish, it is also just incredibly cute. After their talk, their parting is described like such: “Soon, the group had gone down the mountain, and Wei Wuxian could only say goodbye to them with some regret, continuing on another path alongside Lan Wangji.” Honestly, my ‘WWX and LWJ become Xiao MianMian’s shushus’ agenda is alive and well and I will not accept anything else.

In CQL, however, the reunion happens by pure coincidence. The scene is in actuality a mash-up between the reunion we have in the novel and another scene that takes place earlier, in which fugitives WWX and LWJ enter the home of strangers as they are looking for some water (and end up frolicking in hay).

Simply by changing the circumstances and the setting of the reunion, something is lost of the thematic connection between WWX/Wangxian and MianMian, even though viewers still get told that MianMian is someone who night-hunts. Without entering into the specific debate of whether show don’t tell is the only acceptable storytelling strategy, I think it’s fair to say that it is more effective to run into MianMian as she is night hunting based on the same rumours of hauntings as Wangxian instead of seeing her get home, pull a sword willy-nilly after hearing something suspicious in her backyard and finally getting told that she was out night hunting.

Moreover, having to recreate most of the beats of MianMian’s last appearance into this new context seems to have been quite confusing to the CQL production team, and seems to have breed, as a result, a lack of internal coherence to the scene (cut between the end of ep 43 and the beginning of ep 44), regardless of any of its other pitfalls as an adaptation.

In the CQL version, when we meet the family on their way back to their home, Xiao MianMian had been running around and her father chastises her by telling her something along the lines of “Don’t run around, what if you had gotten caught by the YLLZ?”, thereby suggesting that MianMian’s husband believes what is said about WWX. To this, Xiao MianMian replies But Mom Says he’s a Good Guy Though. Obviously, the intent of the writers was to show that MianMian had never bought into the rumours about WWX. However, this exchange makes seemingly no sense if one thinks about it for longer than a second. It suggests that MianMian had never talked about this topic with her husband or that he had never heard her talk about the YLLZ with their daughter. Considering how dangerous the YLLZ is said to be, and that they were night-hunting while he was a fugitive, I don’t see how that would have not come up even if for some unlikely reason she had until then only talked about the YLLZ with her daughter. Of course, one could suggest that MianMian’s husband says this to tease their daughter, fully aware that the YLLZ’s reputation of swallowing children is a tall tale, but the tone is not quite right? And it does not jive with the fact that MianMian is not on board with defaming people: I don’t think she’d be okay with her husband knowingly using the myth of the YLLZ to scare their kid into obedience because it’s convenient to do so? A miss.

To make matters worse, when WWX later asks MianMian is she’s back from night-hunting, Xiao MianMian says that they are back from searching for the YLLZ. First, there is a clear lack of coherence with the previous exchange between Xiao MianMian and her father. And again, it’s hard to get to the meaning of that exchange: is it implying that MianMian was looking for WWX to offer him her help? She certainly doesn’t once she does meet him, so that appears unlikely or at least it’s a plothole/dangling plot thread. But why be looking for him, if she knows he’s not the monster the rumours make him out to be? Clearly, the writers wanted to tell the viewers that MianMian is a rogue cultivator, and figured that having her back from a night-hunt would be enough: but why this line by Xiao MianMian about searching for the YLLZ? Is it just the fancy of a kid, who makes up her own stories while her parents pursue other cases (especially since MianMian says she was looking for puppets)? But then Xiao MianMian does say that ‘we’ were searching for him...

I can’t figure it out. I find it even weirder that, when WWX asks Xiao MianMian whether she is scared of the scary YLLZ (although she’s literally just said moments before that she was not scared of him in her exchange with her father that WWX certainly heard), Xiao MianMian starts replying that she is not scared and MianMian cuts her, apologizing to WWX that he daughter is too young and naive. What is she apologizing for? How is her daughter naive for not being scared of the YLLZ? Or is she apologizing for her daughter suggesting they were searching for the YLLZ? If so, why cut her now and not when she suggested that they were searching for him?

What’s happening in this scene?!

Also, even an attempt to keep lines as close to what they were in the novel ends up backfiring with the new context. In the novel, out night-hunting, MianMian asks “ 什么人” when she sees WWX come out from the direction of a graveyard (she has not seen LWJ yet). Knowing that she might suspect him of being a corpse or a spirit considering that it is night and that he is leaving a graveyard said to be haunted, WWX responds “不��是什么人，总归是人，不是别的东西 “ (No matter who I am, I’m a person after all, and not something else). In CQL, when MianMian hears a sound in her backyard, she asks “ 什么人” and, after LWJ comes out and is recognized by MianMian, WWX still responds (??) with a similar yet slightly different sentence: “ 不管是谁，反正是个人，不是东西 “ (No matter who I am, anyway I am a person, not a thing). This exchange in the context of the scene in CQL baffles me because: why would there be then an expectation that they would not be a person in this situation? Why would he say that after MianMian has seen and recognized LWJ, thus knowing full well that it is a person and not a spirit or a corpse? As well, why change “ 别的东西 “ (something else/different thing) for “ 东西 “ (thing) since MianMian’s question does not imply by itself that she thinks they are not people since she asks "什么人” (literally: what person?), making WWX’s statement that he is “not a thing” completely come out of nowhere? And it’s so much more perplexing than his original statement that he is not “something else” from a human.

I’m spending time on these two lines because I find them to be a sort of microcosm of some of the questionable adaptation choices made in CQL: at times the web series chooses to keep things from the novel even after changing the context in which these elements unfold without understanding how these no longer work within their new context. Yet, at the same time, it feels comfortable making what appear on the surface to be minute changes without thinking through the implications of them, and thus changing the point of these elements through these minute modifications.

Aside from these elements which prevent this moment in CQL to give us a scene that is internally coherent, let’s further interrogate some of the adaptational changes made between the novel and the web series, and their impact on the themes and characterisation.

One change that conflicts with the characterisation and the thematic discussion regards WWX inquiring about MianMian’s husband. Unlike in the novel, where WWX engages him in a little bit of chitchat and then feels forced by conventions to ask to which sect he belongs, CQL makes it seem as if it is an information WWX wants to ask because it’s literally the first thing he says to him, not even after a salutation or a “well met” (I will be magnanimous and believe that that choice to do so was for the sake of brevity and not because the preceding dialogue had not been written in the novel and the CQL writers couldn’t be bothered to come up with something). This, however, makes it look like WWX puts a lot of importance in knowing someone’s allegiance to a sect, which is the exact opposite of how he feels about it.

She pulled the man up, “This is my husband.”

Noticing that they held no malicious intent, the man softened visibly. After some chatter, Wei Wuxian asked out of convenience, “Which sect do you belong to and which kind of cultivation do you practice?”

The man answered frankly, “None of them.”

Luo Qingyang gazed at her husband, smiling, “My husband isn’t of the cultivating world. He used to be a merchant. But, he’s willing to go night-hunting with me…”

It was both rare and admirable that an ordinary person, and a man at that, would be willing to give up his originally stable life and dare travel the world with his wife, unafraid of danger and wander. Wei Wuxian could not help feeling respect for him.

Of course, without WWX’s thought process provided to us in the narration, the implications of MianMian’s husband being originally a merchant are a little bit lost in CQL, even if CQL!MianMian provides that piece of information. Of course, CQL could have chosen to include WWX’s musings, since it does include in this very scene some voice-over thoughts earlier. It is a shame though, that it does not, since MianMian and her husband are clear parallels for WWX’s parents in that regard: his father also left a stable life to travel the world with his wife.

Although, to be fair, CQL!MianMian is no longer a rogue cultivator who travels the world, so it is not like her husband made the decision to travel the world with her. Indeed, by frankensteining the two scenes from the novel, MianMian is by default no longer a rogue cultivator who travels the world: she is a rogue cultivator, sure, in that she does not belong to a sect, but she is a rogue cultivator with a home she clearly needs to inhabit during the day, what with the fact that they raise animals (we see little chicks in the background and there are piles of hay), and who night-hunts close enough to her home to be able to come back home in the morning. Moreover, without the context of meeting MianMian at the same glory-less night-hunt as Wangxian, it is harder to express the idea that MianMian is someone who chooses, like them, to do so for the common good and not for any prestige or rewards. MianMian is no longer another cultivator who goes ‘where the chaos is’ and, in terms of positive female representation, it is truly a shame. After all, the novel frames this as a positive and admirable trait which we see in our two main (male) protagonists: to have a woman follow, independently, the same path as them is meaningful.

Finally, instead of the scene closing with a regretful parting that hints at the sense of kinship between MianMian’s family and Wangxian, we get a truly (imo) patronizing ending. In CQL, their conversation is disrupted by threatening sounds. LWJ then instructs MianMian to stay in her home and protect Xiao MianMian while LWJ and WWX take care of things. So feminism..... such empowerment... To be honest, if CQL meant to change things and put MianMian in scenes where she wasn’t originally, why not have her go with Wangxian? Why not have her be there for the Mass Grave Hill Siege? Why not have her leave her daughter with her husband and let her be a badass? Instead, they conveniently check her out of the action after putting her directly in the middle of it. Instead of having MianMian be away from the sects and doing her own rogue cultivator thing as the events of the novels unfolded in WWX’s second life, explaining her absence, CQL reintroduces her just before an important moment but chooses to send her away once more, to stay home and protect her daughter, probably because they did not want to take the time and energy to figure out how and where she would fit into these scenes in which she had not be written in the novel. This is the kind of adaptational choice that makes me question why people consider CQL a more progressive work of fiction with regards to its treatment of female characters.

Final Musings: sometimes, less is more

Does an increase to the number of appearances of a character shape their impact on the audience? Or, conversely, does it dilute their meaning within and their impact on the text? There is not a simple answer to that question. Certainly, repetition is in itself a literary device, and many readers need salient and blunt reminders to get a message across, the likes of: the important characters are the ones you see the most often. Likewise, having a character feature more often in a work can provide the necessary breathing space to explore more and in more depth their psychology, motivations, past, actions, etc. However, the simple act of increasing the presence of a character does not inherently increase their impact on a work of fiction nor does it increase the nuances and depths of that character.

It is possible to adhere to a cynical or optimistic perspective regarding CQL’s decision to feature MDZS’ female characters more prominently. It is not hard to divine why the decision could have been made solely for the financial incentive of “pandering” to a female audience who dares to want to see themselves on screen. Conversely, one can imagine a production team animated by good intentions, who simply want to give more limelight to these female characters. Whether purely motivated by a profit-based logic or solely well-intentioned, or at a vector of both motives, it is clear that the CQL production did not increase the screen presence of MDZS’s female characters out of a desire to tell a stronger, more effective version of the original story they were working with. And that is why the urge to quantify good representation will always end up failing us in my opinion.

While it can be productive to consider trends, it does not give us a better media landscape or better individual works of fiction; it does not necessarily give us more impactful or better written female characters. This type of analysis urges us to see female characters as female first, without truly attempting to understand their purpose and treatment within the story. While MDZS has fewer female characters, these characters showcase different personalities and occupy different positions within the social world of the novel; they have arcs and thematic resonance and they cannot be simply replaced by a “sexy lamp” without disrupting the plot completely. They are also often given a surprising amount of depth, if readers are willing to pay attention to all that is found in the text and in the subtext.

For such a long novel, MDZS is able to remonstrate a certain amount of restraint wrt its storytelling. The timespan it wants to cover is expansive, its cast of characters not insignificant, and the story it aims to tell is ambitious. It is easy to imagine a meandering version of MDZS where many more characters are present, including many more female characters, or where the existing female characters get an extended presence within the narrative. But would those female characters have been more impactful? Would the story told have been a better one? The way the CQL production team chose to adapt MianMian hints that this is not a done conclusion.

(+ bonus MianMian meta)

#mdzs meta #mdzs #mianmian #luo qingyang #cql vs mdzs #mo dao zu shi #modaozushi #IT'S FINALLY DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!#this is my manifesto

265 notes · View notes

dukedrakes · 5 years ago

Text

Finally

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Lily)

Rating: PG-13 (some cursing)

Words: 2.3K

Summary: Lily and Ethan finally talk about ‘us’.

This was requested by a beautiful anon who wanted to see my take on what happens when Ethan and MC finally decide to screw ethics and let themselves be together – I’m so sorry it’s taken so long; life hasn’t been kind. Thank you so much for the request and please send me any prompts if you like!

P.S I really miss Ethan.

Don’t forget to tell me what you think, Reblog and Like! Enjoy!

Find my other work here.

Taglist: @emceesynonymroll @butindeed @saivilo @ibldw-main@drakeswalkers @maxwellshippo @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @drakewalkerwhipped @cora-nova @kayden-vescovi @katedrakeohd @ladyangel70 @drakesensworld @ccolz88-blog @i-miss-trr @lady-kato @nazario-sayeed @perriewinklenerdie @furiouscloddonutpeanut @choicesyouplayandmore @drakewalker04 @innerpostmentality @carreraleigh

(I curated the tag list by adding people who wanted to be tagged + people who interacted with any of my posts of or about my fics and/or are mutuals/friends, so if you’d like to be added or removed, let me know!)

Lily sat in the locker room bench; legs crossed with a medical textbook in front of her. She had an apple in her hand which she ate she scanned through the passages filled with medical jargon that might help her with treating one her patients. It was unusually quiet in the locker room, no doors slammed or chatter from the other residents. But Lily welcomed the serenity, it gave her the opportunity to focus and concentrate on the words in front of her.

However, she couldn’t. For a certain fellow member of the Diagnostics Team was consuming her thoughts instead.

It had been exactly 4 months and 17 days since she’d been offered the position that everyone had been vying over. And it had also been exactly 4 months and 17 days since whatever was between herself and Dr. Ethan Ramsey had ended. In truth, she wasn’t expecting it to hurt as much as it did. Even though she’d known that night before was going to be their last now that Ethan had been reinstated. She thought she had prepared enough emotionally. That their night together would’ve satisfied her enough to let him go. But she was wrong. Incredibly wrong.

She hadn’t expected to be offered the position on the Diagnostics Team, she was grateful to be even given a second chance at Edenbrook. She definitely hadn’t anticipated being promoted. And certainly not to the very team where the man running it was one she’d slept with twice and had an undeniable connection with.

She knew ending whatever it was between them was the right thing to do. She knew that. But it was still hard. Especially when she saw Ethan every day, had to work with him on patients, confer with him on treatment plans – all the while pretending that everything was fine when in reality, she wanted nothing more than to take his hand in hers and just touch him.

That was the thing that got her the most. Not being able to just touch him. Hold his hand. Trace her fingers up his arm. Or run her fingers across the stubble on her jaw – her favourite thing to do. She could handle not kissing him – she wanted to do that too – but to be starved of his touch was the hardest. There were times where Ethan’s hand would graze hers as he pointed to something on a chart, or his arm would brush against hers as he passed her, and the energy of that contact travelled through her entire being, giving her goosebumps and making her stomach flip. It was kind of like that feeling you get when you accidentally touch the person you’ve been crushing on, but it was all backwards because Lily had already been with Ethan.

Lily sighed and closed her textbook and tossed her apple core in the bin. She put her head in her hands. She didn’t know what to do. She’d been pretending and walking on eggshells around Ethan for months now. She was tired. And she didn’t know how long she could keep this up. It was even more of a stab in the heart when she saw Ethan being so irrevocably and completely normal around her. Like nothing had changed. Like nothing had even happened between them. It was like Lily had imagined the whole thing and was holding onto nothing but a fantasy.

She stood up and put the textbook in her locker. With her break over and no progress on a plan for her patient, she straightened her classic white doctor jacket in the mirror, before leaving the locker room. She walked down the hallways, making her way to Ethan’s office, her feet knowing the familiar route without even thinking about it. She needed advice on her patient, and she was clearly getting nowhere by herself. She had no choice but to talk to Ethan. No matter how much she didn’t want to. It was much easier to pretend when she wasn’t near him.

It wasn’t long before she was in front of his office door. The dark blue nameplate that read “Dr. Ethan Ramsey” a contrast to the light wood of the door. He might not even be in his office. She hoped he wouldn’t be. But there was also a part of her that wanted to see him. Because this was all she got now. She had to take what she could get. Until she eventually got over him. If she ever did.

Lily took a deep breath and raised her slightly trembling hand to the wood of the door. She stood there for a few seconds that felt more like hours, contemplating whether to even bother Ethan with this, he’s no doubt busy and she was more than capable of figuring this out herself once she forced herself to concentrate. She didn’t want to rely on Ethan. She didn’t want to be that girl.

With a clenched hand and her fingernails digging into her palm, she mumbled. “Just knock, you dumbass.”

“Lily?”

Lily whipped her head to the side and saw him. Ethan. He was standing there with a clipboard in hand, looking as handsome as ever in his classic blue shirt and tie under his Edenbrook coat. Lily took in breath both from the sight of him and the realisation that he’d seen her in front of his door, just standing there with her hand poised to knock.

“Ethan. I mean. Dr. Ramsey. Hi.” Lily stuttered as she jumped back and quickly retracted her and held it behind her back.

Ethan cleared his throat. “Dr. Murphy.”

There was a beat of silence between them where both weren’t sure what to say to each other. This interaction felt different somehow. Every time they’d spoken there was this level of distance and professionalism that they maintain to ensure that neither of them got too close – that there was a boundary between them. But this time Ethan had caught Lily in this private moment with herself, it almost felt like an intrusion.

Lily took a breath. “Um, how long have you been standing there?”

Ethan shook his head. “Not long.”

He was lying. Lily could always tell.

“I need to talk to you about a patient.” She asked tentatively.

Ethan nodded and strode to his door to unlock it, he opened it and stood to the side to let Lily in first. Lily mumbled a ‘thanks’ as she walked into the office. Ethan followed as he went behind the desk, put his clipboard down and began to file the papers in the meticulously organised filing cabinet.

Lily stood at the edge of the scene in front of her. She watched him move effortlessly, the awkwardness in the air around them.

“Well? What is it?” Ethan asked. “I’ve got a meeting with Banerji in 10 minutes.”

Lily blinked at his bristled tone. “I need some help with figuring out the best course of action with a patient who’s got some contradicting issues.”

“Can’t you do that yourself? You’re more than capable, Li— Dr. Murphy.” Ethan huffed.

Lily frowned. “Excuse me for disturbing you. I just wanted to treat the patient correctly.”

Ethan sighed. “That’s not what I meant.”

“So, what did you mean?” Lily crossed her arms.

“I meant, you’re a good doctor, Lily.” Ethan replied.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t need help every now and then.” Lily retorted.

Ethan ran his hand through his tousled hair. “I haven’t got time for this right now.”

“Then make time!” Lily exclaimed with a spark of anger.

Lily and Ethan looked at each other, both surprised by her outburst. Ethan was often hard to read, but this time, his eyes betrayed him completely. “Why do you keep pushing me away?” Lily whispered.

Ethan closed his eyes and hung his head. “Don’t do this, Lily.”

“Just answer the question, Ethan.” Lily said sternly.

“You know exactly why.” Ethan replied sharply.

“No, I don’t think I do. Maybe you can explain it to me in a way that I understand.” Lily patronised.

“Stop acting like a child, we’re adults, Lily.” Ethan rolled his eyes.

“Says the man who can’t deal with and express his emotions.” Lily knew the words were harsh and unfair, but she was angry. Months of frustration and hurt that have been bottled up were finally coming out. “You’ve barely looked at me properly in months. It’s like everything that happened didn’t even matter to you.”

“You know damn well that’s not true.” Ethan flared.

“Do I?” Lily challenged. “So, answer my question, Ethan.”

“You think it’s just so easy, don’t you?” Ethan replied, acid on his tongue with every word as he stepped towards her. “Have you even considered the ethnical and workplace consequences of us? There are patients to consider, the team, HR, we can’t just say ‘fuck it’ and do what we want, Lily. There are bigger issues here than me and you.”

“I’m not some petulant child that doesn’t understand consequences, Ethan. But I know when to take a risk for something that’s important to me.” Lily replied.

They were almost chest to chest now, and Lily has to crane her neck to look at Ethan.

“I’m not a risk-taker. You know that.”

“So, I guess that translates into; ‘You’re not worth the risk.’ Got it.” Lily smiled with contempt. “Guess I have my answer.”

Lily stepped back and began to turn away from Ethan, but he reached for her arm and pulled her back. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

Lily raised her voice, exasperated and said; “Then what are you saying, Ethan!? Stop speaking in riddles and just fucking tell me! I’m so fucking tired of tiptoeing around you and us. I know you saw me standing outside your door for longer than you said, I can’t even talk to you anymore without getting this awful dread in the pit of my stomach that I hate because I shouldn’t feel like that around the person that I—”

“I’m scared, okay?!” Ethan exclaimed. Silence enveloped them, the only sound was Lily and Ethan’s breaths, heavy from the argument. Ethan cupped Lily’s cheeks as he said; “I want you more than anything, Lily. But I’m scared of what could happen if we…” He shook his head.

Lily blinked at him. Before she let out a breath of disbelief mixed with relief and dare-she-say, love? And put her hands over his, rubbing her thumbs over the back of his hand. Finally. “If we what, Ethan?”

Ethan took in a breath. “If we pursue this, what would happen when everyone finds out? I don’t want them thinking negative things, especially about you.”

Lily shook her head. “I don’t care about anyone else. And you shouldn’t either. You’re Ethan fucking Ramsey for god’s cake.” Lily smiled. “I care about you. Anyone that knows me knows the truth.”

“And what if…if this doesn’t work?” Ethan asked. “What would we do then? How would it affect our work?”

“But what if it does work?” Lily whispered.

Ethan shook his head, pulling away from Lily and turning his back, running a hand through his hair again. “I don’t know, Lily. I don’t know I can do this.”

Ethan stood with his hands on his hips and his head to the ceiling, his eyes closed. Lily walked behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, her forehead resting on his back. She couldn’t deny that she felt him relax under her touch. And Ethan couldn’t either.

Lily moved to hold his right arm with both hands, before moving one to hold his hand. His fingers instinctively interlaced with hers. “What if we…what if we come up with a plan?” Lily looked up at him.

“What kind of plan?” Ethan asked, looking down at her by his side.

“A plan to try this. Try us. See where it goes. But we’ll keep it a secret, so, we can see if we like us. Then we’ll talk to Banerji about this if we really do. He’ll understand. You’re like a son to him. And then if it’s okay, we’ll tell some people – my friends, but still keep it quiet so it doesn’t impact the workplace.” Lily suggested, her thumb rubbing his hand again like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“And if it’s not okay? What if Banerji says no?” Ethan asked.

“Then we figure something out. I move from Edenbrook, maybe.” Lily replied with a small shrug.

“I can’t make you do that.” Ethan shook his head in disapproval.

Lily leaned her head on his arm. “But I would, for you. For us.”

“Us...” Ethan whispered.

“What do you think?” Lily asked with a small voice. “Can we do that? Do you want to?”

“It’s going to be hard.” Ethan said.

“I know.”

“But I want to. God knows I want to more than anything.” Ethan sighed like a weight was lifted off his shoulders and turned so he could take both of Lily’s hands. “I can’t bear another day without you.”

Lily didn’t know who moved in first. But their lips finally connected, and both of them collapsed into the kiss. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck as Ethan’s arms went around her middle, holding her there before lifting her to his height. Lily wrapped her legs around him and smiled into the kiss, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. The world stopped around them. They both starved for this kiss and it was finally happening, and it was as if all the pieces of the world’s hardest puzzle fell into place.

When they finally broke away, they rested their foreheads together. Smiling and looking into each other’s eyes. Ethan was still holding her effortlessly as Lily hugged him tightly, burying her head into the crook of his neck as his stubble tickled her skin. Ethan held her just as tightly as he did the same, his eyes shutting as he breathed in the smell of her skin and the familiar smell of her cocoa butter shampoo.

Lily pressed a light kiss to Ethan’s neck. “I missed you.”

Ethan smiled into her skin. “I missed you more.”

I hope you all enjoyed it! Let me know what you thought!

If you have any requests, please send them in! It might take me some time to get to (I have a list of fics I want to write) but I would love to see them!

Remember to Reblog and Like!

#playchoices #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan ramsey fic #open heart #larissa's fics #larissa's drabbles #finally #playchoices fic #choices fic #playchoices one shot #choices one shot #pixelberry #choices #choices: stories you play #open heart fic

104 notes · View notes

otogetranslations · 6 years ago

Text

A Sasazuka Essay

Written by one of our most beloved translator: khikari AKA Kujouhikari!

She completed translating mostly all of Sasazuka route in our on-going translation project: Collar x Malice Unlimited!

Here is the link to the original post: Reddit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LUA27Rhfe3vyf1Ug_Qi5U1RZXvzwMZ1dT8hX8bEy_RM/edit?usp=sharing

Greetings.

To discuss Ichika in donut's route, we would have to discuss donut himself as well. It is something unavoidable. I have a generally favourable opinion of donut, to be point of being extremely biased towards him. As such, this is purely opinion with that fact established. This post will also be long because I have trouble finding 'concise' in my dictionary.

I played the game in Japanese so my experience might also differ from yours in that respect.

Also, there will be spoilers.

1.) Hoshino Ichika as a person

Basic background (Just so we are on the same page): Hoshino Ichika is a newbie police officer, quite fresh off her graduation. She is only 21 and still does not have that much experience in the workforce. She has impressive accuracy in her aim and handling of guns, however she is not a professional in it (compared to others). Her family is implied, and is confirmed, to neglect and dismiss her diligence and will in a variety of ways. She is often compared with her brother, whom she loves but is on unsteady relations with, after he moved to Tokyo.

Personality: She is an ordinary person with an ordinary sense of justice and morale, is empathetic, and not especially talented. Her most significant trait is her strong will and diligence, working hard for her ideals to come true. She faces things head on, for the better for worse, and tries to confront things that she is uncomfortable with as well. Not being a complacent person, she constantly strives for a better reality within her abilities. She understands what she can do, and what she can't do, very well. She also has extremely low self-esteem due to her upbringing, and was under a lot of stress during the X-Day incidents due to being a newbie, not going well with her family, then the collar happening.

I admire her for all this. She might not be the most powerful, or greatest, or most active, but she does what she can and tries to be true towards herself. She might fail and fall on the way, and even be a hypocrite sometimes, but she is only human. She isn't trying to save the world, she only wants her family safe, and those that she care for to be alright. I admire people who try despite knowing their limits, just as much as I admire those who are active and cause real change.

Also, I find it strange to pick at her hypocrisy sometimes. Her low-self esteem means that she is constantly unable to accept praise as what it is, yet her upbringing makes her yearn for understanding of some sort that she never received from her parents. I think critisizing her for that can be unfair.

I also personally find realistic egotism in characters to be something beautiful, influenced by the many literature I have read. I empathise with them better.

2.) Sasazuka Takeru as a person

Background Summary: Sasazuka Takeru is 24, an extremely talented hacker who moved from America to Japan due to his trauma with his mother. (In the beginning) he resigned from the police due to despairing at the police and the government's methods, in hope of trying to do something himself. He is used to the merit-based system in America, where ability influenced your input in the situation. However, Japan is the opposite, where the number of years you have spent in a corporation is prized over your ability (this can be still quite relevant in modern Japan). The ability to present your argument can be more important than the substance of it in this case, where these incidents have shook up the entire country. Thus, he is highly frustrated and running short on time with little resources to try to solve something important to him.

Personality: I personally empathise a lot with Sasazuka, as I have a similar sewage personality diluted slightly with coke. (I just wrap it up slightly better thanks to books.) He is highly pragmatic and has his priorities on a rigid hierarchy according to his personal investment, and thus can be seen as egostical. In other words, he ranks his individual needs and morales higher than what is important for the 'greater good'.

This means that he sees practical solutions to problems as more important than the decorums and traditional methods of society, and cares little about feelings he trample on. He evaluates every decision he makes with cold harsh logic, and spends no effort on things he deem 'meaningless'. (For example, society values family relations. However, if he evaluates the relationship to have no future, he'd cut it off, even if it is family. He places value on his own judgement and not general consensus.) And thus he is the most morally grey of the main cast.

He is a true neutral, which diverts from the tradition lawful good or lawful neutral protagonists society tends to value. I cannot comment on him much due to the similarities I find. He is neither good, nor bad. You can only measure that compared with your own moral compass, and whether he is against you or with you. (That's how war works, really. Nobody fights for what they don't believe in. Being the enemy doesn't make them wrong, but it doesn't make them right. It's the same for allies. Imperically, right and wrong can only be decided on how many casualties one's actions result in.)

As a person, he is extremely guarded of other people, and does not give his trust easily. There is no point spending time and effort on someon who is either going to betray you or is not worth it. However, this means that once someone has earned his respect, he will always prioritise them over other things. He has time to spare because he has cut off unimportant people, after all. He will go the extra mile to make sure they grow and can be happy independent from him while he accomplishes his own goals. This is true for both friendships and romantice relationships. This makes his relationships either very shallow or very deep, but nobody has qualified for the latter in love so far.

He is also very honest and tries not to be a hypocrite. What he says are usually logical and sound. He just doesn't wrap it up and consider the other party's feeling as much, because he wants improvement. Babying people will cause no progress. He shows his most natural self to the world because of this. Pleasantries might make co-operation more smooth, but they don't solve the actual problem.

His good parts and extra effort are reserved only for those who he deems as deserving.

(Also, this might also help you understand why he chooses to be morally grey and result based. In Australia, the the first British settlers came across the native Aborigines and judged their standard of living to be 'low'. Feeling the Aborigine children to be 'abused' in such a 'lowly' environment, they decided to kidnap the children so that they could have a better life. They brought them to these 'schools' where they are taught the skills to be a servant so that they can have a job in the future and lift themselves out of the 'poverty cycle'. They had good intentions in their opinion, but for the Aborigines, this is just them stealing their children away and throwing poop on their culture.

Doing what seems 'good' depending on societal morals can lead to these situations, and thus the best a person can do is to not betray themselves. I'm rambling sorry, but in this case, Sasazuka would value the result and say that the good intentions are not excusable. Would this make sense?)

3)Finally answering the question (I made you wait long enough.)

Sasazuka's treatment of Ichika: Just would like to address this first. Sasazuka is cold towards Ichika, calling her 'baka neko' idiot cat the first time they meet. The Japanese wording is less harsh than the English equivalent. (There is even a saying that someone more cute the more baka they are.)

Sasazuka is harsh and cold throughout the beginning because of how badly their personalities clashed. Sasazuka is a person who doesn't value meaningless effort, while Ichika tries despite having little experience or ability. For Sasazuka, Ichika should be focusing on something else and not bother him and lower his efficiency. Explaining to her would be wasting time because she is very unlikely to grasp hold of the situation quickly and contribute to it. She may be a victim, but Adonis is a large organisation adept at manipulating the emotion of masses, so she might be just acting. The enemy formally nearly suceeded in bringing the president down...They must have had many spies in government to make that possible, so they have the resource for this little act.

Conclusion: Time spent on her is wasted, and keep information from her as much as possible. Giving her extra information might even cause her to poke into dangerous situations due to lack of experience, thus encourage her to rely on someone more capable and caring like Yanagi-san. It is a lose-lose situation to work with her.

Meanwhile, for Ichika, she knew that she was dead weight, so she wanted to try and help in whatever way she can. She wanted these incidents to stop, and her hope of restoring the gun law is her main motivation in this route. Sasazuka handled the August(?) case which was the reason for this to happen, and thus he was her best shot. Enomoto's cases were to do with internal police conflict, Shiraishi was most likely a dead end, and she knew that she didn't have the ability to keep up with all cases like Yanagi. Therefore she sorted her priorities and decided to try to help Sasazuka.

Having a lot more EQ than Sasazuka, she realised early on that he was trying to do both of them a favour by not involving her. She also knows that he is extremely independant and would find her help to be intrusive, so she opted to help in the only way that would not bother him or slow him down: health support. She tries to do what she can, and hopefully would gain his trust so that she could have other ways of helping, like gathering information the slow way. For her, it's not that she likes Sasazuka over the other people or anything, it's just that she rationally did what she could for her goal to be accomplished.

Here, there is extra tension because Sasazuka is extremely frustrated and rushed because working in the police meant slow results slow action, but working alone meant less resources. People are dying by the day and he understands those deaths as a victim himself, so he wants to do something about it but it's slow. Ichika is under a lot of pressure for reasons stated earlier. Both of them are types to bottle things up and thus they kind of take it out on each other, but Ichika is more mature about the whole thing.

The love part: As to where they both start getting drawn to each other.... Sasazuka slowly opens up to Ichika who constantly tries without overly disturbing him, which makes her comfortable to be with. She respects his abilities and knows her own limits, which he can respect in turn. She might not be talented, but she is doing what she can while taking his preferences in consideration. Her care for her brother is something he admires, because he can't do the same for someone who doesn't return his affections. She...might remind him of his own mother who treated him as more important than her own life, despite him having such a troublesome personality. Thus, he wanted to help her with her brother while getting to know Sera in the process. Win-win. He knows that he is generally disliked, and thus he could test Kazuki's reactions. If he loved his sister, great. If he doesn't, then he'll tell that to Ichika upfront.

He begins to like her because he can respect her, she is gaining his trust, and most importantly, he feels comfortable around her. The last quality is something rare for him to find. (Isn't the ideal relationship being able to eat potato chips together on the couch, watching the same movie and laugh while pointing out its ridiculousness? In real life at least.)

Thus...he kissed her. Not to start a romantic relationship. It is him trying to repay her with his earnest feelings mixed in. Words wouldn't console her, then. (He also has less reservations about it because, you know, America.)

Ichika grows to like him because of his kindness and honesty she sees through his actions. His words can be aloof, but he has never truly abandoned her or led her astray while she was partners with him. He might even remind her a little of Kazuki, who is aloof and tsun as well. Since Sasazuka is opening up to her, some of her big sisterly feelings of taking care of Kazuki seeps through. She grows fond of Sasazuka, who shows more and more of his softer parts the more she gets to know him. (Please remember that she has high EQ and has a pretty good read on him. He's not that hard to read because he is quite straightforward and doesn't lie.)

He is earnest and trying his best, and thus she can respect him too. She admires him for being both diligent and being talented, but on the other hand he is terrible at wrapping his words and taking care of health. Thus, she can't leave him alone, because she admires him and grows to like him.

His support of her helps these feelings grow, and the kiss reminded her that romance yes indeed could exist. With that in mind, she also slowly realises her own feelings of protectiveness and affection towards him.

For both of them, it isn't a sweet romance purely based on love. (Though this can be said for all of the main cast except Enomoto.) For Sasazuka, it is comfort, trust and respect which led to affection. For Ichika, it is admiration, trust and caring nature that led to affection.

However, it doesn't progress to actual romantic feelings as quickly because of this foundation. Just one step short. They have mutual respect, but haven't closed enough distance to reach a deeper relationship.

Therefore, the turning point was when Ichika tried to protect Sasazuka, Sasazuka tried to protect Ichika and his trauma was dug up. This set off the last chain reaction needed for them to close the distance. Later, when Sasazuka confesses that he was morally grey, he trusts her but is also half testing her. He would never change, and he knows that, so he wants to know if she'd be disgusted or appalled. Because of how invested he was, however, he couldn't bear for her to react negatively and cut it off completely, so he made her drunk first. So that he and her both had a way out.

But...she didn't do any of that. She said that he was kind. She asked him to not go down the dark path. She...accepted him. For Sasazuka, this is more than enough reason for his feelings to tilt to romantic affection.

Then she proceeds to cry and he panics. He doesn't want someone who did all this for him to cry, and thus this memory became important for him. Important enough that he could push down the feelings of revenge, because he doesn't want her to cry. He doesn't want to make her, who helped him and accepted him despite his sewage attitude and questionable morals, to cry again.

It is for this reason that he couldn't confess to her that easily, too, which would lead to the tragic love end. He knows that he isn't the best choice and isn't good enough for her to be happy. She makes him comfortable and is special in doing this, and thus deserves the best happiness she can get. He also has the priority of destroying the remainder of Adonis, and thus...

In the good end, his feelings overrode his other wishes and his reason. Love > Respect & Reason, basically. He planned to confess to her on christmas, but she did first, and you know the rest. From then on, his affections are more open, but at his core, he is a person who isn't made of honey, so he is honest, showing his natural dry self.

For Ichika, Sasazuka confessing is a sign of trust, but also something that panics her. Her feelings progressed to love earlier than him, and she called him an idiot for being so stupid. He calls himself mean and morally grey, but she knows the kindness hidden within him. He downplays all his positive sides and says all this to her, expecting her to push him away. Are you an idiot? (I already love you!) So, don't go off to do things that will hurt yourself!

Because of this, the...Sera event affected her deeply. She knew he was on the edge. She doesn't want Sasazuka to stray off. Desperate to keep him in the side of the light, she remembered how he was troubled by her crying, and the fact that he trusted her enough to confess all that. She then threatens him with her tears because...it's the only thing that made him halt and unsure.

But ye I don't have anything more to say on her front, the rest is all in the game, go play the game you heathen!

Ichika in comparison with other routes:

To discuss this, we have to discuss what part of Ichika shines in other routes. Enomoto - Cuteness, initiative, bravery and willing to confront what he was unwilling to face. Shiraishi - She showed her will strongly. Her EQ was high and saw right through him XD. She chooses not to give up on what is precious to her no matter what. She pointed out his wrongs actively. She was so...kind. And cute. Okazaki - High EQ, figured out what Kei actually wanted. Won't take his poop reasons for using her as a reason. Refuses to give up and self sacrificing without being overly so. Cuteness. Yanagi - Willing to face reality and not run away, whether it is with Yanagi or the last boss. High EQ. Takes initiative and does what she needs to do. Shows her compassionate nature and helps Yanagi forward, together. Cuteness.

As we can see, cuteness is the common factor in all of them. She shows the same in donut's route. Nuff said.

High EQ - As shown in my rambles, she shows this very well.

Compassion - yep.

Strong will - Yep, was willing to do anything to improve the situation, even if it meant buying donuts or doing other things.

One thing I think is special to Sasazuka's route is her grasp on her own limits. She knows what she can and can't do, and that's important. It's admirable. She doesn't shove her nose into matters that aren't hers, and she listens well. She is willing to admit that she isn't capable and that's important in the real world.

As for why she might not seem as exceptional...well. It's because Sasazuka is almost never doing the wrong thing, and is always trying to improve himself. Enomoto refused to accept reality. Shiraishi was blind to what he really wanted. Okazaki wanted meaning to his life in a destructive way. Yanagi was stuck in the past and is overly compassionate, so much that he could not move to act.

Sasazuka is always acting to solve the case, is self-motivated, and is grounded in reality. He is mostly a self-completing person. Though his words are sharp, he always does what is needed. He is honest. He doesn't hide his intentions. His main flaw is his true neutral alignment which does not mesh well with his trauma. Thus, he doesn't need to be changed or forced to change like the others. So she could never assume a super active role in this relationship.

For Sasazuka, Ichika represents comfort and somewhere he could properly breathe around. She is someone he respects, and he wishes her to grow into the best version of herself. They might not be equal in ability, but their mutual understanding, respect and admiration makes them treat each other as equals.

And isn't that enough? I find that to be admirable. I think she shines just as much as in other routes, just in a more realistic way rather than an active way. Valuing a more active and interactive heroine is great and all, but I think the writing in the game captures more realistic and...explicit? Not so pure? Love relatively well.

#takeru sasazuka #ichika hoshino #collar x malice

82 notes · View notes

gedankenkollekte · 7 years ago

Photo

All said with that. (+ text in the next blog entry).

Translation of a text I found back some weeks ago, originally in German:

The Clichéd Lying Stories on (Stepping out of] Wrong Legal Sex Assignment [as also the stereotypical genitalistic violence justifying lie of a “wrong body that has to be changed”]

(Demanded by German courts, the media, the authorities, physicians, universities and employers, promoted and all other prohibited and unrecognized) Because it is not necessary to admit that it is e.g. Girls, and women who are being done bad and cruel injustice from birth on, by trying to force them into a wrong sex ("you have a ..., so you are a boy who only feels like a girl") - The myth of "transition". What has caused this myth? - Adult people, the vast majority of them, actually believe that one is something different, changes internally and sexually when one's own body changes! - One blocks the possibilities to these fetishized (in the marxian sense) physical changes also and provides the possibility to claim under extremely harsh conditions, at the same time creates a social climate, in which a tolerable life than what one is before claiming this physical Changes in the normal case can not lead, unless one is extremely durable, characteristically or unpretentious. - How to create this social climate of hostility, rejection and condemnation? - By invoking the majority of the time and again by means of articles of time, texts, and supposedly "scientific-objective" articles and writings, a man with a penis would always be a man and a body with such a genital automatically a "(biological) male body". If you repeat it all the time, you all believe it, and you will go against all “men who say that they are women”, even though their bodies are deviating from these artificially violated norms with raw violence, prejudices and many sanctions. Even people who are able to see through this system or through affection or the understanding of democratic values understand that there are women who are born with ... and yet are always women who are born as women and whose bodies are naturally also feminine, Will not have enough influence and courage to defend the women and men, who are thus socially heavily stressed, by openly accepting and defending their dignity and equality, since they are not themselves concerned and they are not able to feel close to these people. Even the most enlightened people feel the wrongly attributed people far away because of their special social position, and can not explain their situation and the reactions and frustrations, which in themselves are very easy to explain through the exclusion comprehend. This also results in an additional mystification of misassigned people and their handmade oppression. - The belief in the correctness of the genitalistic image of the world (penis = man / vagina = woman) is also increased by the fact that most wrongly assigned people have no other choice but to adapt to the physical stereotypes of their own sex Tolerable life in the normal case otherwise, as a result of the above-mentioned general conditions is not possible at all!

same mechanism, same people, same mentalities

And instead of recognizing that the need to adapt to physical stereotypes does not prove the correctness of genitalistic sex images, but only the increase of social coercion and discrimination by stoking prejudices and stereotypes, the logic that is usually the most conflicting behavior of wrongly attributed people and their tendency to surrender to the pressure of stereotypical adaptive constraints is misinterpreted as an even clearer demonstration of the correctness of the genitalist world picture and the “transition” myth. A vicious circle. Other effects: - Unification and radicalization of the possibilities and "ways" of wrong assigned people: Sugar and Whip - Either one is given to the growing pressure to adapt to society (always sexy, always emphasizing that one is a woman, nevertheless can be called TS or earlier / partial male, beeing polite even towards harassing and/or sexually offending behavior because other behavior is branded as a "man of the behavior" and will be taken as a justification for even more discrimination, so one sits always between a rock and a hard place one way or the other, not only there, ...) Or you partly / completely cease to meet these requirements, but risks thereby an exclusion, also because one must then listen that other incorrectly assigned themselves "much better adjust" and thus much more believable appear * gewg * - more competition, less cohesion (one would like to adjust as best as it can, for which one dissociates oneself from the others, presents this as worse, "unfrettable", etc., in order to be able to describe itself closer to the "normal feminine" In former times it was less important to do so).

- More pressure and control / normalization by other misassigned and additional hierarchies within the misassigned (Appearance, legal status, social standing / career, etc.) (...) Why can people who always knew what they are and often fought as a child against all oppositions, and even asserted that they had been something else, and that they had a gender image bound to them by physical stereotypes forced body modification process suddenly changed their gender as if by an invisible hand ?

Why do not they simply say as before that they are what they always were? Why do they give the pressure and the "confession", the transition myth, the self-denial with irreparable consequences for their credibility, what they are, after ??? Does a child really believe that one can not be that with such a body? Why are many people who later persuade themselves and say that at most they felt "as a woman," but not that they had always been a woman?

Regulatory constraints, media usage, and legal handling and regulation have a strong influence on the vast majority of people, so that a gendered self-knowledge, determination, and social and public acceptance is not conceivable. Therefore, it is necessary to counter the bourgeois and nation-wide aggression, harassment, and destruction of the possibility of self-determined sexual development beyond genital rasters, an independent, anti-militant and militant counterculture that can show how destructive, fascist, and mendacious the genitalistic praxis of (wrong) sex assignment at birth is. Just a few thoughts.

For me there was only a bit of artificial shit, "sign this, please sign up here, get examined naked by a sexual offender working as a “psychologist for transsexual cases” (why else should one do this job by the way? To help????), get naked even if I am not even a doctor and tell me about your childhood, sex life, experiences,sexual wishes and do not say that this procedure and the sterilization constraint are unfair, otherwise I have to write you a negative expertise ", which dragged me down, afterwards many people were nicer to me because of physical changes, but I am just the same woman as before, only more suspicious and more vicious because I had to experience so many human abysses before, especially through the authorities and bureaus and all this legal humiliation and torture (including the legal force of sterilisation!!!) experienced there.

There was no fucking “transition” - there was just a forced process of legal name (and sex-entry-) change and this was the worst traumatising nightmare ever experienced.

And that annoys me, this assertion that I "became a woman" and that differently and at other times than other women, is the total bullshit, which people believe, because they are told these stereotypical fairy tales everywhere and as a generalising rule that is a lie to cover brutal institutionalised repression coming up with originally Third Reich-body mutiliation and humiliating observation praxis demanded by law, which other women do not have to go through to be accepted as a woman.

This social obsessive imagination of a "transition from male to female", a myth created by the media, the law and lobbyistic institution involved in the forced legal process to correct the name and sex entry is the biggest crap, it is not true among many and prevents people from ever imagining how terrible the childhood and youth was really, that one could force to something, a behavior Etc. was forced. Which one hated and had nothing to do with one itself and the other humans so not correctly seen and perceived, nor itself.

All this is made invisible by the lie of an alleged "transition", which is even worse than the torture before!

It is done and claimed that you were once male and could have identified with it and then somehow "decided to become a woman", the whole terror and the human contempt, which have really run before will be mocked and instead The whole as a free democratic "decision-making process," which would have been possible at any time.

You were punished at school, people were fired against you, your family has scolded you, beaten and / or offended, and even worse, and that was the case and your life was suddenly 300% shameful, some even want that you vanish forever, no matter how.

The behavior, for which you are doubly scolded, laughed out and pushed out of society, if you have survived until the end of your "treatment", the so - called "male behavior" was overwhelmed by violence Day, of all, what should a child, a teenager do if she is constantly condemned, punished, beaten, isolated, if she behaves as it is her essence and she can best do it ??? This is pure cruelty and destruction of the whole life from birth. I can not imagine anything more inhumane and disgusting. I would rather have tortured myself to death with so much pain than to have to endure such a treatment and a lasting psychological rape by society.

0 notes