#this is my manifesto

[eternalgirlscout]

Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you

Mob and Ritsu - Saint Bernard (Youtube)

I was so inspired by this that I blacked out and taught myself some basic video editing just so I could further indulge in my brainworms about fictional siblings. enjoy!

[taxidermydolls]

kill everyone now! condone first degree murder! advocate cannibalism! eat shit! filth is my politics, filth is my life!

[emmg]

Larian really did it, eh? They took one look at all the rich possibilities for complex, deeply layered antagonists and thought, "Nah, screw that. Let’s just make a devil who could probably cum just by looking at his own reflection." And somehow—somehow—it worked. Like, I know I’m showing up late to the party here, but holy hells, they cooked up Raphael, a mysterious, narcissistic, probably-can-suck-his-own-dick-until-he’s-cross-eyed kind of character, who has about as much emotional depth as a puddle of jizz. And the fandom? The fandom was like, “Oh yes, Daddy, I would like a side of that. And make it extra toxic.”

Let’s be real here, the man struts around like he’s the second coming of every goddamn god in the Realms, practically making love to his own shadow as it follows him around. And we're all like, “Yeah, that’s it. That’s my guy.” He’s the type who wakes up, glances at himself in the mirror, and you know the first words out of his mouth are, “How do you do it, you stunning, devastatingly perfect beast?”

And when he’s done looking at himself, he watches his own cum drip down the mirror like it’s some kind of divine art installation. He’s just standing there, all smug, probably biting his lip, admiring the drip as if it’s the Sistine Chapel and muttering, “Exquisite. Truly a masterpiece, Raphael. You outdo yourself again.”

And yet. And yet. Despite the fact that he lasts about as long in bed as it takes me to throw out any remaining shred of dignity I possess—spoiler alert, it’s not long at all—the fandom is still like, “Oh yes, give me that.” I mean, let’s call it what it is: Raphael is over here jerking off in front of a mirror, flexing his wings, probably biting his lip and winking at his reflection while moaning something like, “I’m the real devil here,” and somehow people are out there thirsting after him like he’s offering a five-course meal instead of trauma with a side of existential dread.

You know this guy practices his sexy monologues in the mirror every morning, right? There’s no way he doesn’t. He’s probably standing there, buck-ass naked, wings unfurled, saying something ridiculous like, “Oh, Tav, you poor fool. You never stood a chance,” while blowing a kiss to his own reflection. And you know the moment Tav walks in, he’s like, “Oh, didn’t see you there,” as if he wasn’t just mid-flex, trying to decide if his pecs or his horns were his best feature today.

Honestly, Raphael probably thinks missionary is an act of charity. He’s not trying to make anyone else feel good—he’s just giving you the honor of basking in his sheer, unfiltered glory. Meanwhile, you’re over here just happy to be involved while he’s thinking about how good his ass must look reflected in the chandelier above. He’s like, “Oh yes, you love this. Everyone loves this. I love this,” as if the entire experience is just him doing you a favor by letting you witness the seventh wonder of the world: him.

AO3 is out here churning out fanfiction like, “Raphael’s sweat dripped down his perfectly sculpted abs, glistening in the flickering candlelight of Avernus as Tav moaned, ‘Oh, Raphael, you’re just so… perfect.’ He smirked, flicking his tongue as if seduction were some high art only he had mastered,” and somehow we’re all reading this like, “Yes. Yes, please.” It’s ridiculous, but are we complaining? Absolutely not. But also what abs? The motherfucker is sipping wine all day and delegating every possible task to everyone but himself. He should have a beer gut.

AO3 has officially become the home for the weirdest, most insane, borderline illegal fantasies you didn’t know you had until Raphael walked in with that velvet voice and that “I’m better than everyone” attitude. And suddenly, you’re reading about how he’s chained Tav to a bed made of solid gold in a mansion on the second layer of Hell, calling her ‘mouse’ like it’s a goddamn pet name while he drafts another contract with one hand and—you know—‘negotiates’ with the other. Tav’s out here thinking, “I could stop this if I wanted,” but really, could she? Could anyone?

Oh, and let’s not forget the taglines on these fics: “Extreme narcissism,” “dubious consent,” “he’s an actual devil, what did you expect?”, “wingplay,” “weird infernal kinks you didn’t know existed,” and my personal favorite, “Raphael’s dick is bigger than his ego (which is saying something).” And somehow, people are eating it up like it’s the best goddamn wine from Avernus, despite the fact that Raphael is probably the kind of guy who’d finish in record time, look over at you, and say something like, “Well, aren’t you lucky to have had me?” before leaving to stare at himself in the mirror again.

At the end of the day, Raphael is the equivalent of someone giving you their business card after mediocre sex and telling you they’re free for a follow-up next Thursday. He’s probably sitting back after three minutes of glorified foreplay, sipping on some infernal wine, dribbling down his chest, cock half-hard and still leaking, saying, “That was a gift, darling. You’re welcome.” Meanwhile, you’re left there thinking, “Is it rude to ask for a refund?” You know he’s terrible for you, but like, what’s the alternative? Not letting him wreck your life? Ridiculous. Absolutely not.

This is the kind of fandom insanity we’ve built, folks. Raphael’s out here jerking off to his own reflection and smirking like he’s some kind of gift to the multiverse, while the rest of us are like, “Yes, Daddy, please tell me more about how you’ve single-handedly ruined my life and maybe take your shirt off while you’re at it.”

And what’s truly wild is that somehow, somehow, we’ve collectively managed to elevate this walking, talking narcissistic wet dream—this smarmy, self-obsessed devil with more self-love than a Greek god on steroids—into the sex icon of the year. Like, how? Raphael’s out here selling delusions of grandeur with a side of, “Oh, by the way, I will absolutely fuck you over, and you’ll thank me for it,” and the fandom’s response? We all just dropped our panties like it’s some kind of compulsory event. Logic? Gone. Self-respect? Out the window. It’s like we’re all standing in line with a collective, “Sir, yes, sir! Please ruin my life.”

[sk8erboi04]

Achilles Come Down is Regulus coded and I can PROVE IT!!

Okay so I have literally never posted anything on the site, I literally just exist as a ghost that likes silly funny things, but I have been inspired so severely and I physically can’t not say something.

Picture this.

I was driving my car, minding my own business and absolutely vibing, when all of a sudden a song auto-plays that I haven’t heard in like, three years.

‘Achilles Come Down’ by the band ‘Gang of Youths’ hit me like an emotional truck, and outside of how beautiful that song is on its own (literally if you haven’t heard where have you been go listen to it NOW) that silly little fandom worm we all know wiggled its way into my brain and gave me the most violent fanon idea I’ve ever had.

*Ahem*In this essay, I will explain how ‘Achilles Come Down’ is a perfect representation of Regulus Black and his relationships with Sirius, James, and his parents, as well as his inner turmoil as a character.

Okay, so to start, we are running on the idea that James and Regulus have or at least had a relationship in some capacity. I will accept one-sided feelings on James’ part, mutual feelings but never official, or officially together for any stretch of time. If you are not a Jegulus shipper, your mom’s a hoe, but you can enjoy the familial aspects at least, so there you go.

Beginning with the song as a whole, there are three voices we hear singing at different moments throughout the song, each with their own intention and influence on the song’s subject. Within the song's narrative, we listen as Patroclus tries to inspire Achilles to fight for his own life and push through his hardships, while Hector tries to poison Achilles' mind with self-doubt and despair.

As I mentioned though, there is a third voice that appears throughout the song that speaks French in the time between the characters fighting over Achilles’ well-being and the chorus. This character’s identity is unknown as far as I can tell, but his narration is far more metaphorical regardless and we’re not gonna get into that until later(though each instance will be numbered for later reference), in the meantime, we can move on to the lyrics and how this is so incredible Regulus coded and how I KNOW I’m right.

The song starts with the opening lines:

Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down - Won't you get up off, get up off the roof? - You're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you - Achilles, it's not much but there's proof - You crazy-assed cosmonaut, remember your virtue - Redemption lies plainly in truth - Just humor us, Achilles, Achilles, come down - Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

Now this first stanza reads to me as an emotional James, trying to convince Regulus that there is still time to join him and Sirius and the other marauders and to get away from his parents/Voldemort. Perhaps at this time, Regulus is feeling like it’s too late, maybe he already has the dark mark, but James is begging him to understand that it’s okay, and he still has time to make the right decision.

After a few lines in French (1) from our third voice, the original voice continues:

Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down - Won't you get up off, get up off the roof? - The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken - Remember the pact of our youth - Where you go, I'm going, so jump and I'm jumping - Since there is no me without you - Soldier on, Achilles, Achilles, come down - Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

At this point, I still believe this is James, becoming even more desperate to save Regulus and bringing up their time at Hogwarts and the relationship they had at that time. Now, I personally believe they would still be together in the context of the song, but it works from multiple angles, playing at possibly a past relationship that’s now over but still treasured, or a one-sided thing for James where he’s still trying to reach Regulus in a way he never could. Regardless, this is James’ hail-mary, saying if you do this, you will leave me empty; an attempt at reaching Regulus emotionally, even if that means threatening his own well-being.

From here we move on to the chorus:

Loathe the way they light candles in Rome - But love the sweet air of the votives - Hurt and grieve but don't suffer alone - Engage with the pain as a motive

Today, of all days, see - How the most dangerous thing is to love - How you will heal and you'll rise above

Now this is clearly James and Sirius (and whoever else you want on the side of goodness) reaching out to Regulus, but the first half gets a little tricky. I’ve taken it to mean Regulus loathes the way they do things with the order of the phoenix and Dumbledore, but loves the grace, safety, and love they show. (this is related to hating what Rome is doing ((lighting the candles)) but loving the results ((the sweet smell))) They call out to him saying “you will hurt to leave what you know, and you will be afraid but you don’t have to be alone in this. We are fighting because of the pain they have caused you and everyone else.”

The second half of the chorus is much simpler, speaking to how literally the WHOLE THING in ‘Harry Potter’ as a franchise is that love concurs all, and that while it would be dangerous to leave the dark side, he can heal and rise above his family and history through ~the power of love~.

After some more of our French gentleman(2), we hear from our second voice:

Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, jump now - You are absent of cause or excuse - So self-indulgent and self-referential - No audience could ever want you - You crave the applause yet hate the attention - Then miss it, your act is a ruse - It is empty, Achilles, so end it all now - It's a pointless resistance for you

This is Regulus’ parents, discouraging their son from following in his brother's footsteps in their terrible parenting way. Speaking of how he would be selfish to leave, how Sirius would never want to see him again anyway, and how it would be pointless to fight what they have already predetermined for his life.

A little more French(3), and then we’re back to the original voice:

Achilles, Achilles, just put down the bottle - Don't listen to what you've consumed - It's chaos, confusion and wholly unworthy - Of feeding and it's wholly untrue - You may feel no purpose nor a point for existing - It's all just conjecture and gloom - And there may not be meaning, so find one and seize it - Do not waste yourself on this roof

Now THIS is Sirius talking. He argues against his parents' negative influence and tries to convince Regulus that everything they’re saying is a lie. He then relates to Regulus, referring to his own experience of leaving the family and how he felt hopeless and lost, but calling Regulus to action to find meaning outside of his family (cough* James *cough) and push forward, not letting the family and Voldemort waste his life.

We then hear an updated chorus:

Hear those bells ring deep in the soul - Chiming away for a moment - Feel your breath course frankly below - And see life as a worthy opponent

Today, of all days, see - How the most dangerous thing is to love - How you will heal and you'll rise above - Crowned by an overture bold and beyond - Ah, it's more courageous to overcome

Not much to say here tbh. I don’t have any strong feelings on a different interpretation one way or another, other than the fact that ‘it’s more courageous to overcome’, is something Sirius was able to do while Regulus, unfortunately, couldn’t, and maybe this was destined, as Sirius was a Griffandor and Regulus (in my opinion) actively fought being placed in his brother's house and thus, couldn’t show his true courage until the cave.

A tiny more French(4), and then THE moment the fight comes to a head (note that the ‘good’ voice is the one in parentheses and/or italicized):

You want the acclaim, the mother of mothers (it's not worth it, Achilles)

More poignant than fame or the taste of another (don't listen, Achilles)

But be real and just jump, you dense motherf#cker (you're worth more, Achilles)

You will not be more than a rat in the gutter (so much more than a rat)

You want my opinion, my opinion you've got (no one asked your opinion)

You asked for my counsel, I gave you my thoughts (no one asked for your thoughts)

Be done with this now and jump off the roof (be done with this now and get off the roof)

Can you hear me, Achilles? I'm talking to you

I'm talking to you

I'm talking to you

I'm talking to you

Achilles, come down

Achilles, come down

This is very dense, but I think the obvious back and forth of the voices speaks as well as it can to the fight of good vs evil in Regulus’ mind as he tries to grapple with what he wants and knows is right vs the pressure of the dark side and the fear of its wrath. I DO especially like the line about being more than a rat, simply because of the symbolism with Pettigrew and how Sirius/James are reaching out and trying to save Regulus, all the while, their friend is being swept away as well.

A bit more French(5) and then the last iteration of the chorus:

Throw yourself into the unknown - With pace and a fury defiant - Clothe yourself in beauty untold - And see life as a means to a triumph

Today, of all days, see - How the most dangerous thing is to love - How you will heal and you'll rise above - Crowned by an overture bold and beyond - Ah, it's more courageous to overcome

This last bit, when listened to with Regulus in mind, comes across as very hopeful. Throw yourself into this unknown, but safer reality, do it ferociously and courageously, and surround yourself in the light of these good people who want to help you. See that your life is not condemned, you can live to be happy for yourself.

Whoa! That was a lot my friends, but now that that's settled, let's get into this FRENCH! (also the fact that they speak French, it’s literally too perfect) I’m just going to translate and do all of it in one big chunk for clarity and also this is already a mile long😅.

I see that many people die because they believe that life is not worth living. I see others, who are paradoxically killed for ideas For illusions, which give them a reason to live (What we call a reason to live is at the same time an excellent reason to die).

Of a building manager who had killed himself it was once said that he had lost his daughter five years ago, that he had changed a lot since then, and that this experience had changed him

What triggers the crisis is almost always uncontrollable. The newspapers often speak of “intimate sorrows” or “incurable illness”. These explanations are valid. But we should know if, on the same day, a friend of the desperate person did not speak to him in an indifferent tone.

The memories of a lost homeland, the hope of a promised land. This divorce between the man of his life, the actor and his setting, is properly the feeling of absurdity.

Either yes or no. this would be too easy. But we must make allowance for those who, without concluding, always question. Here, I am hardly being ironic, this is the majority. I also see that those who answer “no” act as if they thought “yes”.

Now, if you just read that all and were like, WTH girl, what even was that? Well, let me tell you! Every instance of French in the song is an excerpt from ‘The Myth of Sisyphus’, a book written way back in 1942. Why does this matter? In all honesty, it kinda doesn’t😅. Sisyphus was a king who figured out how to cheat death so everyone could live forever, and it SUPER ticked off the gods, so now he’s stuck rolling a boulder up a hill forever and ever.

I have racked my brain trying to tie this into the Regulus stuff, but it’s just not working so now you just get to know what the French stuff is about and that’s gonna have to be good enough, I’m afraid😂

ANYWAY, with everything combed through and all the parallels pointed out, I hope you can go listen to this song with new ears and get on my wavelength about it! Enjoy your life, you know, drink some water, viva la vida loca and all that.

TLDR; I’ve decided ‘Achilles Come Down’ is the perfect depiction of Regulus trying to get away from his parents' harmful ideations while being called to by Sirius/James who are attempting to save him.

[sionisjaune]

brocedes in 2023 4 lyfe

[lesbianboyfriend]

every couple is a lesbian couple if you believe in the power of transgender

[missmeganlee]

Two very important things had/have a home on Netflix: Young Royals (obviously) and the Barbie movies, most importantly Barbie as Rapunzel. Interstingly, both have characters named Wilhelm in them. In this essay I will-

Keep reading at your own risk lmao. You're going to witness my most unhinged unhinged hours (thanks @zee-has-commitment-issues for letting me steal your unhinged brand for a second aha) I've had so far.

Congratulations, person on the internet you're about to witness unhinged hours.

A little refresher on the Barbie Rapunzel movie:

Rapunzel (Barbie) was raised by a woman named Gothel, who had magical powers and treats Rapunzel more as a servant/slave. When Rapunzel was a little baby Gothel stole her from her birth parents as revenge on her lost love, and king of a neighboring kingdom: King Wilhelm. King Wilhelm claims that he never loved Gothel; they were "just friends." Rapunzel falls in love with Prince Stephan, who is the son of King Frederick who is in the middle of a feud with King Wilhelm because Wilhelm believes Frederick stole his daughter (Rapunzel). Oh and there's a purple dragon, a white rabbit, and a creepy otter lol.

How to these two stories connect:

I think our Prince Wilhelm, gonna refer to him as Wille, from now on, is a descendant of King Wilhelm from Barbie Rapunzel. King Wilhelm has reddish/brownish hair, and guess who also has reddish/brownish hair, our Wille. And as we know with genetics, the parents of a baby with red hair don't need to have red hair themselves, but if one parent has red hair there's a 50% chance that the child will too. Now in the final scene from Barbie Rapunzel we see King Wilhelm with his queen, who has blonde hair. The combined genes for blonde hair with red hair can give way to a child with strawberry blonde hair (like Fabian's). My mom had strawberry blonde hair as a girl but as she got older it turned brown. And because King Wilhelm's hair was already reddish/brown it would make sense to me that his direct relatives would also gain that kind of hair color, but as those red hair genes continuously combine with other more dominate ones, the red would appear less so, like our Wille's hair is. Additionally, King Wilhelm and his queen both have brown eyes, and our Wille has brown eyes. Brown eyes are a dominate trait, so it is more likely that King Wilhelm and his wife's direct descendants would have brown eyes as well. Although both Rapunzel and Stephan have blue eyes, this is a recessive gene, and both have the genetics for browns eyes given their families. Rapunzel with King Wilhelm, and Stephan with his 3 younger sisters who have brown eyes. 2/3 sisters also have dark hair, as well as Stephan's father, so we know the genes are "strong" lol.

Looking at the costumes for Barbie Rapunzel, I'd say that it takes place in the late 1700s. So I'd say that Wille is a 5/6x great grandson of King Wilhelm. And the reason Wille was crying doing his makeup for the Valentine's Day ball, whose costuming perfectly matches up with the time of King Wilhelm, is not only because he's becoming a picture of exactly what the monarchy wants, but also because it reminded him the the great tragedy that fell his 5/6x great grandfather King Wilhelm, when his daughter Rapunzel was lost to him for 18 years.

*bows* Thank you for coming to unhinged hours

[nenestansunsthings]

why do fanartists keep takin the big swirl away from sun n moons nose :(( put it back they need to breathe

[queer-trash-baby]

i adore how this show recontextualizes the history and trauma of closeted queerness as a response to religious and carceral oppression within a narrative that allows it to celebrate queer joy rather than wallow in queer pain.

If it was just humans living their own human lives, we'd see all of these touches as reminder and reinforcement of our traumatic history and the story would be another sad rehash on the "isn't it hard for the gays/we found each other but it's hard to be together" trope.

Instead! All these signifiers of the state/church serve to remind us of the fallibility of systemic oppression and the necessity to find Another Way.

And that Other Way is to lean into the joy of human experience, in all its weird messiness! There's still plenty of angst within the central relationship, but the narrative assures us that we can trust it, that they will eventually find peace and joy with each other by changing things together.

The overall tone is therefore completely different because we're shown that the value of experiencing life and connection (human things!) is inherently valuable and in fact the Most Important Thing, the thing worth dismantling those oppressive systems for and indeed the only thing that can!

aziraphale recognizing sandalphon from sodom and gomorrah. crowley's coworker trying to out him with help from some nazis in 1941. aziraphale giving crowley the holy water in the same year gay sex was legalized in the UK. muriel being dressed as a cop when they came to monitor aziraphale and snoop about a lesbian romance and crowley asking if theyre interested in humans falling in love and saying he knows for some members of the police force thats a bit of a hobby

[dulcevenganzaa]

she/her but in the same way a gay man dressing up as his favourite diva is she/her

[kausparty]

historians will say they're masov and nilsen coded..

[faramirsonofgondor]

“men written by women” what if i wrote every sassy old man politician in existence? what if those are the men i write? not to love them or to even admire them but to laugh at the chaos and confusion they sow amongst our population. to cackle as they snap at each other and fight like overgrown toddlers with our fate in their hands. to guffaw as they speak in a tongue that only they can understand, referencing events and knowledge unknown to the masses. to howl in the dark of night as their transgressions nip at their heels and finally catch up to them, to giggle as i watch them try to claw their way out of the grave they dug themselves only pile more and more dirt upon their decaying bodies. to roar with laughter as they fool all those who believe in them, who worship them more vehemently than they do their gods, by ultimately committing the very acts that they degraded and condemned others for. what then????

[laracrofted]

star wars is going to cannibalize itself and die by continuing to chase a nostalgia-obsessed audience that will never be satisfied and deep down hates anything new for not being the originals.

[realkeylogger]

who is this diva

[thursdaythen]

[georgierre]

BEAT EM UP GEORGE!!!!!!!!