#but it will be okay cause i can always revisit it and be comforted by it

[herstrayskies]

April 2nd

"I met Yato again today! He played dumb at first, which made me laugh."

Thanks for everything, Noragami.

[babydollmarauders]

WYD NOW? — JACK HUGHES

jack hughes x fem!singer!reader

summary: in which y/n writes a song about her ex-boyfriend, 3 years after their breakup, and it gets back to him, leading to their reconnection

notes: inspired by the song WYD Now? by Sadie Jean. ending kinda sucks, but ehh i did my best. pretty sure i lost motivation for this halfway through it, but i tried to power through.

not my gif

*** JUNE 17TH, 2018 ***

“i bet, at this time in a few years, we’ll be painting the walls of our shared apartment.” my boyfriend’s whisper rings through my ears as i turn my head to look at him.

heat rises to my cheeks, Jack’s blue eyes gazing into mine.

“yeah?” i laugh, running a hand through his hair, still damp from the shower he took before coming over.

“mhm.” he hums in confirmation, his hand snaking up under the stolen shirt that adorns my body, gripping my waist and pulling me closer. “i’ll be playing hockey, and you’ll be a big pop star, my little songbird.”

i bury my face into his neck in attempt to hide the redness on the apples of my cheeks from the nickname.

“you gonna write songs about me?” he whispers, pressing a kiss against the side of my head.

“i already do.” i murmur, my lips brushing against his collarbone, causing him to shiver.

*** JULY 30TH, 2019 ***

“i don’t think i understand.” it feels like my head is underwater, my lungs burning for oxygen, but unable to receive it.

“we can still be friends, y/n. you can call me whenever.” Jack sits on my bed, gripping my hands in his hold. “the future is just, so far away and we don’t know what’ll happen.

“i don’t want my dreams to hold you back from achieving yours, y/n. you may not see it right now, but this just seems like the best option for now. and maybe, down the line, once we’re both at a stable place in our careers, if we’re both single, we can revisit us.”

my head is bobbing ‘yes’ but my heart is screaming ‘no!’

it’s like my brain understands where he’s coming from, that he’s being logical and that he’s doing this for the greater good of both of us; no matter what we’ve always thought, we’re still just kids, we were dreaming. but my heart isn’t getting that message. all my heart knows is that it’s being crushed into a thousand pieces and it feels pretty unsalvageable right now.

“are you okay?”

it’s my instinct to tell him ‘yes’. my instinct to not let him know how much he’s really hurting me. how much i want to scream that we’ll be fine. that i would give up my dream to be by his side while he accomplishes his. but i know that would just hurt him; because that isn’t what he wants.

he may be hurting me, but he’s doing it for all the right reasons. he doesn’t want me to push my dreams aside for his, because he wants to see me living them. he wants the best for me.

“yeah, i’m okay. i understand.”

*** PRESENT: SOCIAL MEDIA ***

y/nonthegram

liked by tatemcrae and 246,517 others

y/nonthegram in your faded t-shirt

that i’ve kept this long

i still hear you laughing

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user13 NEW LYRICS??

user92 that’s what i was thinking too! seems too poetic to just be a caption

trevorzegras hey that looks familiar

user57 OH MY GOD NEW MUSIC?

user04 AHHH ANNOUNCE A NEW ALBUM PLEASE

user6 I’LL EVEN JUST TAKE A NEW SINGLE! I JUST NEED NEW MUSIC

tatemcrae my best friend writes the best captions

y/nonthegram MY best friend writes the best songs

tatemcrae says you!

user83 new love song? break-up song? both?

colecaufield what’s this 👀

y/nonthegram

liked by trevorzegras and 283,752 others

y/nonthegram surprise! ‘WYD Now?’ out tonight at midnight.

wholly written in my bedroom at 2am, this song means the absolute most to me, and i hope some of you can find comfort in it like i have <3

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user04 OH MY GOD! THANK YOU FOR BLESSING OUR EARS TONIGHT!

colecaufield so proud of you!

y/nonthegram thank you, coley ♥️

user94 since when does she know nhl players?

user63 she went to high school with some of the 2019 draft class

user72 I CAN’T WAIT OMG

user18 SHAKING, CRYING, THROWING UP! I’M SO EXCITED

_alexturcotte our little melody makin’ munchkin, making moves!

y/nonthegram oh god please don’t bring back “melody makin’ munchkin”

_alexturcotte too late

tatemcrae GO BEST FRIEND THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND

y/nonthegram LEMME KISS YOUR FACE!! MWAH!!

user55 i’m so curious to hear these lyrics 😭 how am i gonna wait 8 more hours?!

jackhughes

liked by y/nonthegram and 352,850 others

jackhughes 3/3

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user77 hey wait, didn’t @/y/nonthegram date Jack in high school? is the new song yesterday about him?

user55 yess! it’s gotta be!

trevorzegras dizzyyy

user91 you should go listen to y/n’s new song 👀

user02 have you heard ‘WYD Now?’ ???

user36 omg he remembered to post 3/3

colecaufield same time next summer? 🫡

subbanator 🚀

y/nonthegram

liked by jackhughes and 227,951 others

y/nonthegram i’m so grateful for all the love on ‘WYD Now?’ these past couple days! thank you all! <3

here’s some photos @/tatemcrae took at our song celly night last night to celebrate the release of WYD Now? and greedy!

in celebration, i’ll be answering some questions in the comments!

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user74 is the song fictional? or was it inspired by someone?

y/nonthegram not fictional <3

user99 is this a single off the upcoming album? or just a normal song?

y/nonthegram the album is still being written, so i can’t confirm or deny if this is a single because i’m not sure yet if it’ll be on the track list! <3

colecaufield omg y/n please come to Montreal! i love you so much! you’re my idol!

y/nonthegram hey remember that time i bumped you with my car? i think we should do that again! i’ll stomp on the gas this time!

colecaufield omg you noticed me!!

user42 at 18, where did you imagine yourself being at this age?

y/nonthegram New Jersey <3

trevorzegras where did he set the bar?

y/nonthegram above the moon

user28 if the song isn’t fictional, then who’s it about?

user96 it’s 100% about jack hughes. if you scroll way down on her page, there’s pics of her and jack in high school, but they stop when they were 18. then he moved to new jersey and now he’s playing hockey, like the song states “you finally got the job you like”. that we’re all aware of, she didn’t have any other boyfriends in high school. she and jack seemingly dated from ages 16-18 until he left for the NHL

liked by y/nonthegram

_quinnhughes 💙

user10 this song was amazing! i really related and it made me feel so seen!

user88 big question is: has jack heard the song yet?

jackhughes call me?

user98 @/user88 if he hadn’t, i’m guessing he has now

*** PRESENT: REAL LIFE ***

my heart races as the notification comes through.

i wasn’t sure if he listened to my music, or if the song would get back to him. i just needed to get my feelings down on paper, and then it turned into a song, and then i liked it too much to not release it.

the night i wrote it, i had played a small show in New York, and i could’ve sworn i saw him in the back of the venue. of course, i knew it wasn’t, but it had rattled me; bringing all my feelings for him back to the forefront of my brain.

“call him.” my head snaps up to face my best friend, her eyes soft as she looks at me from the doorway.

“i-” Tate cuts me off with a shake of her head.

“don’t make excuses, y/n. call him.” she repeats, “you deserve to be happy, and from what you’ve told me, he makes you happy.”

she doesn’t stick around; instead bidding me goodbye and heading back to my guest room to give me some privacy.

i pace my bedroom, iphone clutched in my hand. his contact is pulled up, but i can’t seem to build up the nerve to call him. though, it seems i don’t have to, because my phone begins to ring instead, Jack’s photo displaying on the screen.

“hi.” i breathe out, pressing the phone to my ear.

“hi.” he repeats. “i heard your new song. i’m so proud of you, my little songbird.”

my face heats up, blood rushing to my cheeks. i haven’t heard that nickname in almost four years.

“thank you.” my words come out a whisper, still in disbelief that i’m talking to him again.

“did you mean it?” the question causes a panic to erupt in me, swarms of butterflies erupting in my nervous system.

“did i mean what, Jacky?” i need him to say it.

“what you wrote,” he clears his throat, “in the song. did you mean it all? do you still think of me? do you really wanna try again?”

laying sprawled out on my bed, i stare up at the ceiling as i speak.

“i wouldn’t have written it if it wasn’t true.”

“oh- okay. so, uh,” he stutters, but i can hear the smile on his lips, causing the same reaction upon my own face, “where are you right now?”

“um, my apartment?” my brows thread together in confusion, but he just chuckles.

“i mean like, are you living in LA? are you home in Michigan? what state?”

“oh.” i bite my lip, squeezing my eyes shut in embarrassment. “i live in New York, Jack.”

“really?” his voice is emotionally distant and seemingly hurt. “so close?”

“yeah.” i nod, although he can’t see me. “i’ve gone to a few of your games.”

“you did?”

“mhm.” i hum in confirmation. “i just- i didn’t wanna be the one to reach out and then have you think oddly of me or have you already be in a relationship or something. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you, i just didn’t wanna be seen as that clingy ex-girlfriend or anything.”

“that’s not what you are, y/n.” he sighs, “would you wanna meet up soon? catch up? i’d love to hear about your glamorous new pop star life.”

“i’d love to. although, i wouldn’t call myself a pop star, Jacky.”

“you are to me.” i blush at his words, glad he can’t see how much of a mess i am at the moment. “are you free on saturday? i have practice in the morning, but after that, maybe we could go to lunch?”

“yeah, i can do that.” i confirm.

“okay great, i’ll text you on friday to hash out details?”

“sounds great!” my cool hand rises to press against my heated face in attempt to cool myself down.

“great. i gotta go, Luke and i are going out with the guys. i’ll talk to you soon, yeah?”

“yeah. bye, Jack.” i wait for him to repeat a goodbye before hanging up, burying face in my pillow and letting out a muffled scream.

***

my knee bounces underneath the table of the New York City diner, my hands clasped together on the table.

Jack should be here any minute, and saying i’m nervous would be an understatement. my palms are clammy, my legs won’t stop shaking, and i’m eighty percent sure that i have no skin left on my bottom lip because i’ve chewed it all off.

the little bell above the door rings and my head snaps up to look, but it’s just a young couple with their toddler. i send a friendly smile to the tired looking mother before looking back down at my hands that won’t stop fidgeting.

i zone out, retreating back into my head and all the thoughts that have been plaguing me since we planned this meeting.

what if he doesn’t like me anymore?

what if he has a girlfriend and he’s just trying to be nice?

or worse, what if he’s just asked me here so he could tell me to leave him alone? to stop writing songs about him.

“hi.” i’m pulled out of my thoughts by Jack sliding into the booth across from me, a gentle smile on his face.

his hand snakes across the table to hold mine, and i can’t help but feel like a teenager again, back when we used to have dates like this all the time; where he would hold my hand over the table and we would laugh and joke around for hours.

“hey.” i smile back, giving his hand a small squeeze in return.

“how are you?” he questions. he brings his hand back in order to hold his menu, but his focus remains on me, not even glancing down at the menu yet.

“i’m good!” i nod. “how are you?”

“good, i’m glad. i’m good too.”

we’re interrupted by a waitress, taking a second to look over our menu’s before giving her our orders.

once she retreats, i squirm from the small talk, never having been any good at it. which Jack seems to remember.

“so, how’s the pop star life?” he smirks teasingly, and i giggle.

“not a pop star.” i remind him, shaking my head. “but it’s good. i like where i’m at right now in my career. i like having a strong fanbase but still being unknown enough that i’m not being hounded on or followed like, say, Taylor Swift.

“i’m able to just write my music and put it out, go on small tours, interact with my fans on a more personal level; it’s really nice. i don’t know if i would want it to be more than that.”

he nods in understanding, a wide grin on his face as he listens.

“i get it. and i’m really glad you’ve achieved what you wanted. i’ve always rooted for you.”

“what about you? mr. ninety-nine point season!” he blushes at my words, shaking his head and looking down at his hands, which rest on the tabletop. “how’s that?”

“it’s good! really good.” he looks back up at me, and i have to fight myself from getting lost in his eyes like i would when we were seventeen. “i love it. it’s hard, it’s a lot of work, but it’s amazing. and honestly, i’m pretty glad i’m not on a canadian team. i like that i can go out and still have a pretty normal life outside of hockey, ya know? not be stopped on the street a bunch.”

“yeah, i get it.” i tell him. “i’m so glad you’re happy though. you play great, as you always have.”

he releases a ‘thanks’ before a silence settles over us, neither of us sure what exactly to say next.

i begin to play with the paper wrapper from my straw, winding it around my finger before sliding it off and gently pulling it straight again.

“so, Cole sends me your songs.”

snap! the paper wrapper breaks in two as i look up at him.

“he does?”

“yeah. you know i don’t get on social media too much, so i don’t always know right away when you put one out, but Cole sends me all of them. just in case i miss one.” he explains.

my head bobs up and down as i try to display a level of cool, “oh.”

“that doesn’t bother you, does it?” he asks. “that i don’t always listen to them right away?”

“not at all! i didn’t really think you listened to them at all.” i confess, sinking lower into the booth. “not really your genre.”

he smiles gently, reaching forward to hold my hand tightly in his.

“y/n, you could write a children’s nursery rhyme, and i would still listen to it.”

my head tips back against the booth, joyous laughter spilling from my lips. my nose scrunches, resulting in a small snort, which cause him to laugh as well.

“you’re just saying that.” i choke out, and he shakes his head.

“no! i’m serious! i would!” Jack insists, right as the waitress arrives with our food. she sets our food in front of us, making sure we’re all set before she retreats.

a comfortable small talk takes over as we eat; discussing our friends and their accomplishments since graduation.

“you remember that time,” Jack starts through broken laughter, “that you hit Cole with your car because he said he didn’t think it would hurt?”

“yes! and i barely even tapped him, but the big baby whined that it hurt so bad, i may have crushed his NHL dreams!” my face hurts from smiling so big, but i can no longer fight it.

“and then he was fine and back to practice that afternoon! not even a bruise left on him!” he retorts.

“ever the dramatic, Cole is.” i sigh, sitting back in my seat from position slouched over the table.

“since we’re walking down memory lane, do you remember how i said that maybe down the line, we could revisit us?”

i’m sobered up now, my smile gone as i eye him. he’s playing with his bracelets, a sign of nerves from him, and i just now realize that he’s still wearing the string friendship bracelet i gave him at eighteen; just before his draft.

i swallow the lump that built in throat, nodding, “yeah.”

“you think maybe now would be a good time to do that?” he asks. “start slow; go on dates again, maybe you could come over sometime for movie night with Luke and i, come to a few more of my games, where i actually know you’re there this time. and then see where that could take us?”

butterflies swarm my stomach, my heart beating rapidly in my chest, and my teeth sink into my lower lip, biting back a smile.

“i’d love that, Jack.”

[buckyb-stan]

✨Bucky fic recommendations ✨

Last update: June 24th, 2024

Hi! I’m Jimena and I love reading fanfics. I usually just like them and eventually I end up losing some fics I really liked. So I decided to create this type of masterlist for me to organize and revisit fics I really really enjoy.

So please take this as some recommendations of fics you should read! In my opinion these authors deserve so much recognition for their incredible works 💖

Also if you have any recommendations please let me know, I would love to read them.

——————————————————————————

SERIES

I’m with you (Mini series) - @wkemeup

summary: When two strangers meet on a layover in the Charlotte Airport, they are sent on a whirlwind weekend filled with cancelled flights, painful questions over giant checkers, an ex-boyfriend’s wedding, and a confrontational graduation. They find that a lifetime can sit in the span of three days and it doesn’t take very long at all to fall in love.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader, modern!au

For the Love of the Game - @pellucid-constellations

Summary: Bucky Barnes was a menace. NYU’s top baseball player, he was used to girls falling at his feet and could smooth talk his way out of just about anything. You hated him. He couldn’t figure out why. So when the novelty of weekend parties and quick hookups finally wore off—and his feelings for you began to grow—he made it his mission to fix it. 

Pairing: College Athlete!Bucky x Reader 

The Number One Rule - @justkending

Series Summary: Y/N has always been seen as “Steve’s rambunctious sister.” However, she grew up, graduated, and moved to London to study abroad for 4 years and get her bachelor’s degree. The girl that returns looks nothing like the teenager that left. But don’t worry, the attitude is still there and stronger than ever. What’s to come of the two grown adults that used to push each other’s buttons, but now have a lot more in common than they’ve ever realized?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Y/N Rogers (Steve’s little sister)

Save me (Mini Series) - @espinosaurusrexex

summary: Bucky Barnes has never had it easy, which ultimately turned him into a caveman-like introvert with no desire to see the positive side of life. But what happens when the clumsily charming art student, Y/N, stumbles to his rescue, determined to show Bucky how truly wonderful the world is?

Pairing: College!BuckyBarnes x College!reader AU

Everything's Better in Westview - @espinosaurusrexex

summary: Bucky and Y/N sneak into Westview to have the perfect life. Away from late Steve and Tony, Vision and Natasha, they let themselves be consumed by suburban magic. To their surprise, however, some of these people aren’t so dead in the town. And there are some other weird things happening that make them question their sanity. But that’s okay, right? ‘Cause everything’s better in Westview.

Pairing: BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader

Bulletproof - @amandaoftherosemire

Summary: You, Steve Rogers, and Bucky Barnes have been the best of friends since middle school. On top of that, you’ve been in love with Bucky pretty much the whole time. Everything changed after the three of you got to college, however. Over the past couple of years you and Steve have become even closer but things between you and Bucky have been strained since the night he broke your heart. Can anything bring you back together?

Pairing: BuckyBarnes x Reader

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six // Part Seven // Part Eight ** // Part Nine  // Part Ten  // Part Eleven**  // Part Twelve // Part Thirteen ** // Part Fourteen  // Epilogue 

Sunrise - @wkemeup

summary: After an explosion takes his arm and his only sense of belonging, Bucky is discharged from active duty and sent back to civilian life. Left with a storm of unchecked guilt, Bucky is content to live out the rest of his days in the hollow comfort of the dark. This is, until Sam drags him down to the local VA and he meets you. (Modern AU)

Paring: bucky x reader (veteran!bucky x librarian!reader)

Winter Canvas Masterlist - @sebbytrash

Summary - AU Reader is an Art Major and needs a life model for a major assessment. The catch? It’s gotta be a stranger. Then you gotta remind yourself that it’s just an assignment…right?

Pairing: College!Bucky x reader

Ice ice baby - @endless-summer-soldier

Summary: Bucky is a college hockey player, Y/N is a figure skater without a partner. What's happens when these two opposites start sharing the ice...

Pairing: CollegeHockeyPlayer!Bucky x CollegeFigureSkater!Reader | Enemies to lovers

Method acting - @kinanabinks

Summary: frat!steve and y/n are close friends, but the lines are starting to blur. if that isn't confusing enough, enter beryl; a girl who's hell-bent on making steve rogers hers, no matter what it takes.

Pairing: Frat!Steve x reader x Frat!Bucky

★ The Worst Time of The Year ★ - @delaber

Summary: Bucky hates everything about Christmas - well, everything apart from one thing: you.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

★ home for the holidays ★- @classylo

Summary: When your family begs you to come home for the holidays and to bring the new guy you’ve been seeing, you don’t have the heart to tell them your good-for-nothing-ex cheated on you… good thing your roommate is available and will do absolutely anything you ask.

Pairing: Roommate!Bucky Barnes x f!reader

★ THIS MUST BE MY DREAM ★ - @lunarbuck

Summary: You’ve been best friends with Becca Barnes since third grade and have been pining over her older Bucky just as long

Pairing: bestfriend'sbrother!Bucky x f!reader

★Fuck up the Friendship★ - @summerofsnowflakes

Summary: Fed up with having your feelings played with you decide to have some fun with a with your friend Steve.

Pairing: College!SoccerPlayer!Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader and College!SoccerPlayer!Steve x Fem!Reader

★Honey Girl★ - @violentdelightsandviolentends

AN: Series still on going but it is SO good I had to add it

Summary - The Universe shows you your soulmate when it feels like you need them most. When you least expect it, you're given yours - Bucky Barnes. Your Dad's best friend. You can try to refuse it all you like; but the universe wants what it wants. There's no denying fate.

Pairing - Dad'sBestFriend!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader - soulmate au

——————————————————————————

One shots

How’s Your Head? - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

Summary: Reader gets hurt in the subway, Bucky helps

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Suburbia - @wkemeup

summary: Posing as husband and wife, you and Bucky infiltrate a quaint suburban neighborhood in search of a Hydra hacker. Perhaps if you weren’t so in love with him and he hadn’t broken your heart, the act of pretending wouldn’t hurt so much.

Pairing: bucky x reader

let’s play pretend - @khimili

Summary: You’re supposed to attend your sister’s wedding, but when you learn your ex-boyfriend is coming with his newly found girlfriend, you come up with a lie. Yes, you’re in a relationship, and yes, you’ll bring someone to the wedding. Since your sister already knows about your best friend Steve, you decide to set your sights on his taciturn friend, the infamous Sgt. James Buchanan Barnes. What’s the worst that could happen?

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

She’s not mad - @subwaysurf45

Summary: Bucky Barnes was a known people pleaser, it was second nature to him. After meeting you and getting close you both try to navigate his eternal stressed state, working together you try your best to tone down his obsessive ways. 

Pairing: College!Bucky x reader

Golden Life, Gutters - @castieltrash1

Summary: patience is a virtue and you show bucky barnes he’s worth waiting for

Pairing: Bucky x Avenger!reader

(One part but it has 17k words)

It’s called: freefall - @kikixreverie

Summary - Things get heated between you and your closest friend Bucky, when you're made to play a married couple on an important mission. Neither of you can help yourselves when you end up stuck in a hotel room together, with sexual tension you could cut with a knife.

Pairing: Bucky x female reader

Flirting and Football - @lovelybarnes

Summary: Bucky Barnes is a soccer player, most girls are interested in him but Bucky is surprised and interested in reader when reader is the only one who isn’t interested in him. College AU

Pairing: CollegeAthlete!Bucky x reader

The right partner - @bucky-bucket-barnes

Summary: You and Bucky have always possessed a complicated history, and even more strained relationship with one another. Begrudgingly, you're sent out on a mission with Barnes where you two are posing as a newly wed couple. In an effort to investigate the consistent disappearance of young women in a certain neighborhood, you find yourselves forced to confront a whirlwind of emotions.

Pairing: Bucky x Avenger!Reader Enemies to lovers

★ When the Morning Comes ★ - @pellucid-constellations

Summary: An entire childhood, an entire life, and Bucky just hopes you’ll be there when the morning comes—that you’ll get tired of this town and follow him. If not, he’ll try again next summer. And the summer after that.

Pairing: Modern!Bucky x reader

★ The Safest Place in New York - @wkemeup

summary: A stranger comes to your rescue when you find yourself held at knifepoint, alone in an alleyway, by a man demanding your money 

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

★ Obsession★ - @wkemeup

summary: Targeted after your complicated relationship with Bucky ends up on every news channel in the city, your stalker takes things into his own hands to ensure that you belong to him, and him alone.

pairing: bucky x reader

★ Under the Sheets★ - @vanderlustwords

Summary: Bucky spends more time out of his dorm than in it with how much his roommate amorously makes love to his girlfriend. Luckily, his cute across-the-hall neighbor is generous about lending her place to him. Bucky’s unsure if he wants to hug or kiss his roommate for putting him in the situation he is in now. 

Pairing: College!Bucky x Reader

★My Everyday★ - @pellucid-constellations

Summary: Bucky Barnes was aggressive, annoying, and—worst of all—a hockey player. Not your type. At all. But, unfortunately, your roommate. 

Pairing: College Athlete!Bucky x Reader

★I Can Save You This Time★ - @pellucid-constellations

Summary: It’s the 4th of July and you’ve never been more sick. Turns out you aren’t the only one in the compound that stayed home from the celebration.

Pairing: Bucky x reader

★the forever third wheels★ - @witchywithwhiskey

summary: it's the weekend of your town's annual valentine's day carnival and you go with your group of friends, though you can't help but be sad you don't have someone special in your life. your friend, and fellow third wheel, bucky barnes makes it his mission to give you a valentine's day you won't soon forget—and show you how special you are to him.

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

★Not a study date★ - @marvelouslizzie

Summary: You have the biggest crush on Bucky Barnes but despite all your efforts, he doesn’t seem to notice you. Can one study date change it all?

Pairing: College Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

★two thousand, five hundred and sixty-nine★ - @kinanabinks

Summary:you and bucky have been best friends since you were kids, but ended up going to colleges thousands of miles apart. your student experience begins terribly, but bucky is having the time of his life - you can't let him know the truth. because if he did, you know he'd drop everything to come and save you.

Pairing: Frat Bucky Barnes x Best Friend Female Reader

★Are You Bored Yet?★ - @pellucid-constellations

Summary: God, you hated Bucky. Bucky probably hated you, too. Maybe. It was hard to tell when he was drunk and calling you pretty at a party you shouldn't have gone to.

Pairing: College!Bucky x Tutor!Reader

★Bubblegum Ice Cream★ @bucky-at-bedtime

Summary: You had been forced to babysit when your brother showed up at the door to your apartment - you were just stuck with a child at 9am on Sunday. Sundays were meant to be for sleep. At least your roommate, Bucky, was out on a mission, or that's what you thought.

Pairing: Roomate!Bucky x Reader

★Like Someone I Know ★ - @marvelouslizzie

summary: You decide to take a break from studying and go to a masked party but your casual hookup turns out to be your biggest rival, Bucky Barnes.

pairing: College!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

★Give Me A Sign ★ - @lostgirlmuseum

AN: TW | But I must say, if you decide to read this you won't regret it. It was SOOOO beautifully done, I loved it so much

Summary:Bucky asks the universe for a reason to live. The universe delivers you.

Pairing: Bucky x f!reader

★The Cafe ★ - @subwaysurf45

Summary: Bucky works in the cafe you usually go to. He is to shy to talk to you

Pairing: College!Bucky x f!reader

★A little longer★ - @buckyalpine

Summary: Sam is always pestering Bucky about being single. One day, Bucky decides to lie and tells Sam he has a girlfriend. Now, Sam insists that Bucky bring this so-called girlfriend to his family cookout.

Pairing: Neighbour!Bucky x f!reader

★Read Between The Lines★ - @thevillainswhore

Summary: There shouldn’t have been anything unusual about your routine visit to the local bookstore. Your life was simple and mundane, even if you were a daydreamer at heart. But you were pleasantly surprised when this time you met a handsome stranger between the shelves.

Pairing: Modern!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

★JEALOUSY & FLIRTATION★ - @kinanabinks

Summary: There's nothing you want more than Bucky Barnes - but you and his best friend, Juniper, seem to have that in common.

Pairing: Frat!Bucky x F!Reader

——————————————————————————

Two parts

Like I Want You - @tmpestuous

summary: you and bucky have been best friends your entire life and it’s never been anything but platonic. so why do things get so bad when he gets a new girlfriend? | part two.

Pairing: college!bucky x reader

★Let me Love You ★ - @scifinerd1818

Summary: When your roommate introduced you to Bucky Barnes, you never imagined it would start an almost three year long feud. When he and Steve come to visit, truths are revealed that change everything. | Part 2

Pairing: College!Buck x Reader

★You're my desire★ - @marvelouslizzie

summary: Your best friend drags you out on a double date. You were supposed to be Steve Rogers’ date but plans change pretty quickly and you end up in Bucky Barnes’ arms. | trust in what tomorrow brings

pairing: 40s Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

★Consequences★ - @duuhrayliegh

Summary: Your long term boyfriend decides to ask for an open relationship. You decide to cope by drowning your sorrows in the Howling Commandos bar, your barista is tired of seeing you so sad. | equal and opposite

Pairing: Bartender!Bucky x Reader

——————————————————————————

I’ll keep updating it as I read more fics (new ones will be marked with ★ )

[petertingle-yipyip]

CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE - MIGUEL OHARA

//idk why this took so long to post, it was already done when i revisited it. edit: nvm its cause i kinda missed some of the request//

Pairing: dad!miguel x GN!reader

Word Count: 1,801

Summary (request): hii, this is platonic request! can you do a fic where miguel comforts a reader ( gender neutral if possible ) who's turned 18 recently and is super anxious because their parents are pressuring them to pick a career/collage, decide what they wanna do in the future, etc and it's all making them feel really overwhelmed and restless?

“Hey there, kiddo.” Your dad strided into your room with your mom in tow. “How’s homework?”

“It’s fine.” You answered quizzically. “What’s going on here?” You gestured to the two of them.

“Well, we just came to see if you needed anything.”

“No, I’m okay. Thanks though.”

“Honey.” Your mom offered your dad a look and you could tell there was something else.

“Okay.” You sighed and pushed away from your desk. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” Your dad tried, which earned him a pointed look from you.

“Alright, alright.” He put his hands up in surrender. “Your mother and I-”

“You need to start thinking about your next step.” Your mom cut in.

“Oh… Guys, I’ve still got time.” You tried. “Besides, I’m not sure what I want to major in.”

And that was true. There was so much going on with your vigilantism and latest recruitment into the Spider Society that you hadn’t had time to sit and think about your major, let alone what school you wanted. You knew MIT and Columbia were great options. Harvard was on the table, as were the other Ivys. But what was the point of applying if you didn’t know why you would be there?

“Calendar wise, yes, there’s time. But you know how steep the competition to these higher schools can be. Are you ready for the SATs? Or the ACTs?” Your mom continued, and her high emotions began to grate your own sensitive nerves.

“Mom.” You tried.

“We’ll pay the application fees.” Your dad offered, though your mom was still on her rant.

“No, I don’t need you to.” You told him.

“And your personal essay, what would you write about? Do you have any ideas? Oh goodness, there’s so much to do.”

“Mom.” You said roughly, finally cutting through her own words. “I don’t know, okay? I’ve been busy… I haven’t thought about it.”

“You can’t waste time anymore, Y/N.” Your mom said firmly, pushing your chair back against the desk.

“I’m not wasting time, Mom. Please just relax.”

“Sweetie, maybe Y/N needs to do this at a different pace.” Your dad offered and you gave a thankful expression.

“I don’t care.” She snapped. “My child won’t miss an opportunity because of hesitation.”

She slid your laptop in front of you and then leaned down to meet your eyes. “This is your chance to get somewhere better than this.”

“I like where I come from.” You said honestly.

“That doesn’t mean you have to stay here.”

“How about I take Y/N to the library to do these?” Your dad offered. “Wi-fi’s been acting up today.”

“Yeah, and maybe I’ll find inspiration.” You added on. “I can look through some books and see if anything feels right… I get what you’re saying, Mom, but I don’t want to rush into something I shouldn’t.”

She blew out a sigh and stood straight. “Fine.” She conceeded. “But please, get at least two done today.”

“Yeah, okay.” You nodded, figuring you could at least do that much, even if just to please your mom.

After all, she had given you everything she could growing up. Her and your dad gave up a lot so you would have what you needed and what you wanted. You didn’t have everything under the sun but you had more than enough. And that dedication was what inspired your actions as a spider-person. Your parents looked out for you in ways no one else ever would. They put everything on the line for a payout that didn’t always go in their favor, but in yours.

And being able to give that back to the community you grew up in, the community that supported you and welcomed you. That was what you wanted your adult life to be, something so giving and so genuine that it could inspire someone else to do the same.

But what kind of career or schooling could give that to you?

When your dad dropped you off, he gave you his credit card and said your mom would be checking the account to see the pending charge so you had to keep your end of the deal. You offered a laugh and thanked him for getting you out of the house.

“Kid, I know she’s a bit overbearing but she wants what’s best for you.” Your dad said honestly.

“I know, Dad.” You nodded. “I’m just a little bit caught in the middle right now. Can’t look too far ahead.”

“Can’t look back, either… Remember where you come from, of course, but don’t let it hold you back. Okay?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Call when you’re done.”

You offered a lazy sluate before skipping up the library steps. Once your dad’s car was out of view, you ducked around the side of the building to the library’s alley. You pulled your watch from your backpack before tucking it behind the usual pile of boxes and fit the device into place. You weren’t even in your suit but you’d wandered HQ in your pajamas before, so coming in your school clothes wouldn’t be a big deal.

Once you stepped through your portal, various spider-people greeted you in the halls. You offered nods or waves but didn’t stop for much conversation, not until you reached the head honcho’s office.

“What are you doing here?” He asked without turning to face you. Surprisingly, his platform was actually ground level today, meaning no one had annoyed him enough to raise it. “Don’t you have something else you should be doing?”

“No.” You shrugged. “It’s still daylight back home and the weirdos don’t start till dusk, at least so…”

“Not what I meant.”

“Then what?”

“Those college applications you promised your mom.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, oh.”

“Why are you spying on me anyway?” You asked, hoping to change the subject.

“Because you, insectito, are the biggest pain the ass here… So what’s the problem then?”

“I don’t know what I wanna do with my life.” You said honestly, scooting some of his papers over so you could sit on the desk. “Mom wants me to just throw my name in the pot everywhere to see what happens and Dad just wants to make Mom happy.”

“Mmm.. And what do you want?”

You shrugged. “I dunno.”

“What do you like to do? Any classes in school get you excited?”

“Not really.. Bio is cool sometimes but..”

“That’s a start.” He glanced over with a small, almost proud smile that lasted half a second. “Biology major is broad enough to start picking schools.”

“I guess but-”

“What about bio do you like?”

“Miguel, can you just-”

“People, plants, or animals?”

You groaned and flopped backwards on the desk, throwing your arms over your eyes. You thought coming to Miguel would be a good time to rant and not be given advice, because half of the time he seemed to drown out your voice anyways. But of course the one time you just needed him to ignore your words, he had to do the exact opposite of what you wanted.

“You’re the worst.” You muttered, to which you felt a kick to your foot. “Hey!”

“Y/N, your parents are right.” He started and you groaned again. “You’re a smart kid but you have to find some sort of direction.”

“I’m just caught up in the middle, trying to keep going.. But it’s just not that simple.” You complained and when you got no answer, you kept talking. “But I have to keep going or they’ll call me a quitter.”

“Who will?”

“Everyone.” You shrugged. “I don’t know, probably no one.”

Miguel turned fully and took hold of your arms to haul you upright. You let out a loud sound of complaint as he did so and you didn’t bother to fight it, not that you’d have much of a chance to do so anyway. You dramatically let your head fall back so you could see his expression and he looked down at you with a small smile. You huffed a sigh and raised your brows expectantly as you waited for him to say something.

“What about a geneticist?” He offered and you were taken aback, no doubt your face showing it because he gave a quick chuckle. “I’m serious.”

“Yeah, you usually are but what the hell are you talking about?” You said in bewilderment.

He shrugged slightly before turning back to his work and you couldn’t help but follow him.

“You’re always lurking around to see what I’m doing.” He explained. “You ask questions about what I do and how all of my stuff works.”

“Like that injection you refuse to talk about.” You agreed and peaked up with a questioning expression. Without looking at you, he pushed your face away.

“Exactly.” He agreed with a nod. “And then you could study your own DNA and see if you can find anything cool.”

“I could give myself fangs!” You yelled with excitement before camping a hand over your mouth when you realized how loud you were.

“Yeah, and then you give yourself a lisp.” He rolled his eyes slightly. “What I’m saying is that maybe some sort of higher level biology career is where you’re heading… You’re one of the smarter spiders around here anyways. Might as well do something other than engineering.”

“Don’t you think science in general is a bit stereotypical for a spider? … Oh, shit. Is it our canon?”

“No.” He laughed a little. “There’s a Peter Parker around here that’s a photographer for a newspaper.”

“Oh.. That’s fun?” You tried.

“He takes fake candids of Spiderman and sells them to his Daily Bugle.” Miguel deadpanned and you laughed. “Not every spider leads a strenuous academic life.”

“But you think I could?”

“I think you should. Y/N, you’re always challenging yourself physically. Maybe it’s time to do it academically.” He shrugged. “But what do I know?”

You pursed your lips in thought as you considered his words. Maybe not genetics, but a STEM field could be fun. And with your current academic status, you’d be able to swing one of the better programs with better labs and better opportunities. You could try your hand at different branches and see what stuck. Even if you didn’t find one, you’d have a better direction for a graduate school at the very least.

“Thanks.” You said honestly with a small smile. “That actually helped… You always do.”

He put a hand on your head and gave you a small shake that made you laugh.

You went home after that and headed straight into the library after you fished out your backpack. You ended up doing four applications and got a text from your mom after each one. With every submission, you felt a little less stuck.

[theambitiouswoman]

I love your blog and your positive guidance.

Do you have any good thoughts on finding a purpose and meaning in life?

I'm struggling a bit atm to figure out a direction for myself and would love to hear what you have to say on the matter.

Thanks in advance if you have a chance to respond!

Thank you!!

To discover your purpose you need to really know who you are as a person or want to be. Your purpose is not something that always comes you. We need to look for it. And we do that by giving ourselves the opportunity to put ourselves out there and learn new things. You will figure out in this process, that some things make you feel a special way that other things don't - even if you find temporary enjoyment in it. I think your purpose is a combination of your qualities, your heart, the things you enjoy, and the the person you envision yourself to be.

Start putting yourself out there and think about your interests, values and passions. What makes you feel most alive and fulfilled? What issues or causes do you care deeply about.

I think you will find in your journey, that you will know you are in the right place doing the right things when opportunities start appearing out of nowhere. Just because you may not see the whole staircase, does not mean it isn't there. You just have to trust and take the next step.

Ask yourself what are you naturally good at? Think about what you want to achieve in different areas of your life: career, relationships, personal growth, etc.

Try new experiences, even if they're outside your comfort zone. New experiences can lead to self-discovery and help you uncover hidden interests and passions. Read books, watch documentaries, or listen to inspirational talks that resonate with you. Exposure to different ideas and perspectives can spark insights about your own purpose. Spend time with people who inspire and support you, and engage in activities that create a sense of belonging. Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and reactions. This can help you better understand what truly matters to you.

Remember that your purpose can change and evolve as you grow and experience different stages of life. It's okay to revisit and redefine your purpose as needed. The key is to remain open to self discovery and be willing to embrace opportunities that align with your evolving sense of purpose.

[gallowsdancer]

Manhua/Manga List, ongoing reads (or dismissed, for their following reasons)

PART 1

Villains are Destined to Die It's very good. There's visceral feels. I revisit this one when I want the hurt ( and some of you know exactly what I mean). Penelope is always invited to my table where she'll promptly be treated like the queen she is, having to deal with all these peasants.

Cooking Sorcerer (COMPLETED) It's cute but not overstated. Also, tatted FMC, who satisfyingly uses her knowledge gleaned from her more "modern" universe to overcome obstacles. The OFC and OMC are super cute together, but never actually get together, because we've been given an open ending. Depressing, I know, but still a nice overall read.

Please Don't Come to The Villainess' Stationary Store The story's decent, though not particularly outstanding, but the child characters are so cute and the art is very good.

The Beloved Fake Saint The peanut gallery of Actual Deities(tm). They are the best part. There are a number of scenes that are extremely funny. The art is okay, the plot is interesting, but some of the turns are either mundane or out-of-pocket.

I Shall Master this Family Girlbossing to the peak. If you want a delightfully badass FMC (and cast) who primarily uses her brain to trounce her adversaries, this is it.

The Broken Ring: This Marriage will Fail Anyway NSFW, and it proves it. The art is fantastic, the plot is satisfying, and gut-wrenching at times. There is a satisfying look into the historical context of mental illness and trauma and a personal one that builds the characters further. It can also get very cute and steamy. This work could also be aptly renamed: You Activated the Wife Guy When You Called Him an Uninteresting Man Whore.

Your Majesty, Please Spare Me this Time (COMPLETED) The art is fantastic, the humor on point, the emotional connect is strong because they've built the characters in you before the initial upheaval caused in the plot. The handsome, crossdressing smug arsehole with a gun is a favorite of mine. They wrapped it up in a bit of a rush, and I don't love the whole of the ending, but my babies are happy so who cares. (That's not a question, no one gets an opinion.)

Let's Hide My Little Brother First Another violent, crossdressing pretty boy who grows up too handsome (maybe I have a type?). There's limited gore, a sword-wielding FMC, and the funniest side-character couple.

How to Win My Husband Over According to some people in the comments, sometimes the FMC is annoying - but I imagine that's because helping someone with actual mental illness is a lot of repetitive struggle. I'm staying because I like the art, but the plot isn't the most interesting. The beginnings of the justified revenge are satisfying to read in the most recent chapters, though.

I Stan the Prince I hate the title, but the art is fantastic and the plot is fascinating. The humor and secondhand embarrassment have prompted IRL reactions that have spooked the unsuspecting bystanders around me. I have only put this one down for fear there won't be enough chapters to immediately satisfy me the next time I pick it up.

The Baengri Clan's Unwanted Granddaughter Girlboss moments with satisfying supporting characters. The small moments of enacted revenge are swift and sweet. I like the way the daughter reflects on the past and the way she's moved forward. She doesn't condemn them all, and actively recruits the grey area characters, so bravo. There are twists that I like that other stories would've differed on, losses that the FL actually has to deal with that typical OP FLs wouldn't. That stands out in this one.

I'm Being Raised by Villains Cute. No large amount of emotional connection on my part, but it's the formula childcare story where the child becomes OP later on. I also like that she feels guilty about being selfish but still does stuff, how very adorably human of her. Altogether, a very reliable comfort read with amusing characters you'll grow fond of.

Too Cute to Handle Repetitive formula childcare tale. Obvious plot, overstated. But! Art is cute. Possible revisit in the future.

Not-Sew-Wicked Stepmother Funny and delightful. The different sub-plot arcs are not drawn out for too long, with wonderful art and humor to punctuate. It stands out with fashion as its particular theme, but has a satisfying and realistic response to different characters' traumas.

Secret Lady/The Lady's Secret This one is more in-depth in politics, or actually is reasonably political for a story based on political hierarchal upheaval. I'm not crapping on the others, but this one does take a somewhat more realistic view of political conflict. (If I had taken a shot for every time I said political-)

Author of My Own Destiny OP FMC, but it does differ some with the fact that the FMC faces a certain amount of guilt and revisits it for the trouble she originally caused being in charge before she transmigrated.

The Strongest Characters are Obsessed with Me I love the art, and the plot line is satisfying. I like the actual variety in the characters, and the slow but sure character development. If you like Who Made Me a Princess? you'll like this one as well.

The Little Lady Behind the Scenes Repetitive formula childcare tale, but with no parents. Drawn out plot, and it's overstated. FMC is kind of aggravating in the miscommunication kind of way.

Can We Become Family? Formula, not outstanding, but satisfying - also I don't think we're far enough in to properly judge the plot as a whole. The art is okay.

Roxanna (CANCELLED) I fucking love this one. So (of course) it may have been permanently cancelled. I think it was a poisonous publisher or editor and the artist's own failing health, in which case, I wish them the best and their (hopefully ex) supervisors the worst. I still revisit this one all the time. The FMC is graceful and vengeful and will receive what she wants. (Edit: It is probably cancelled, so I'm marking out, but I still fully recommend you read it.)

The Perks of Being an S-Class Heroine I really like this one. It's heavy on the figurative fourth wall breaks that happen for transmigrators, and the humor is top notch. If you liked The Beloved Fake Saint and liked it for the deity interactions, you'll like this one too.

Cassmire: The Loyal Sword Fun take on a family obsessed with the op FMC (who deserves the borderline obsession). The male leads are funny and frustrated.

Divorcing my Tyrant Husband You'll not like it going in if you're hellbent on hating the Emperor. I like it okay, and I'm in it for the havoc the FMC wreaks trying (and failing) to be a proper villainess. It's repetitive, and I can see the ending coming from miles off. It'll be a fallback read, maybe - but along the line with the very first thing I've said about it, I won't eagerly recommend it.

The Villainess is a Marionette Level with Roxanna in my love. How dare they. Oof, we love to see an ML turn into a good little boy. Every single one of those men is wrapped around her finger and she is a world-class schemer. I aspire to her strategic greatness.

The Male Lead's Little Lion Daughter The author or the artist is Islamaphobic. Sucks, because the art is good and the plot - while formula - was reasonably interesting. But I'm only mentioning it so you all are warned. I'm not supporting them.

The Falcon Princess It's interesting with a realistic view of Suddenly!Plot. The art and the humor is satisfying. The FMC and her male lead are such cutie patooties.

I Raised my Fiancé with Money Male lead is a big ole (handsomest) teddy bear with the sluttiest little waist - it's actually one-third of his wide-ass shoulders. FMC is a rich girlboss who recovers her self-confidence like we all wish we could.

The Villainess Empress's Attendant The male lead is secondary and kind of uninteresting. I actually wanted it to switch into a GL because the FMC has undeniable chemistry with another character. Update: I despise the ML. May he stub his toe twice a day for the rest of his life.

Charming the Duke of the North Charming and funny. The male lead is a little lamb and the FMC is a wolf (on accident). Very enjoyable unless you suffer excessively from secondhand embarrassment (which I do, but I'm still reading it).

Mother's Contract Marriage The art is basically the definition of "filigree." The color combinations can be actually blinding. It wouldn't be my typical read, but the plot is actually interesting and the POV for it makes it stand out - not the transmigrator, but her daughter.

The Baby Prisoner Formula childcare. The dialogue was frustratingly formula, and while I understand the character is a child, I find myself annoyed by her complete naivety. But I am the person who would hate a literal saint for being saintly. (Human divinity is in its variation. I love when humans, and our fictional counterparts, are messy.)

Betrayal of Dignity Red flag sadist and drama and its so a historical soap opera. The art is good and the tensions are high. I like it.

The Archduke's Adopted Saint Formula childcare with op FMC, with an obvious plot, but it's interesting enough. There's not been too much though so I can't say this is an informed review.

With Vengeance, Sincerely, Your Broken Saint The better Astarte, with a hint of murder-mystery. Stopped reading only because I'm letting it marinate.

Forget My Husband, I'll Go Make Money The FL is so cute, and also so accidentally hilarious. I fully enjoy how the story is going so far, and the art is fine. I need to catch up on the chapters - I left this one to marinate.

Being a Maid is Better than Being a Princess There's not been enough chapters to make any kind of informed review. But it's good so far. (There's also a violent crossdressing hottie. It's confirmed: I have a type.)

The Archvillain's Daughter-in-Law Very nice art, but there's not been enough chapters to make any kind of informed review.

The Guy She Was Interested in Wasn't a Guy At All Crossdressing hottie (what's this, number fifty-three?) but it's shojo-ai. Two rock meganerds, one with a very hot uncle, to the tune of opposites attract. It's delightful, and its one I frequently revisit and froth at the mouth waiting for updates.

Revolutionary Princess Eve It has okay art (one guy's face gets homogonized when it should definitely not) but the plot is interesting. The romantic plot (the separate emotional story interacting with the original) is fascinating though. I like that there's more interaction with the political repercussions. It's plot is very well thought-out and focused at the same time.

The Fantasy of a Stepmother/A Stepmother's Marchen How much time do you have and are you willing to be lectured with a 198-slide PowerPoint on why this is a fantastic read, why Shuri is my new God(tm), and every reason you should read it before you die? The art, divine; the plot, divine; the emotional connection you have? I will kill and die for Shuri. If she has no fans, there's no one alive on this planet.

I Became a Tyrant's Dishonest Advisor The art is good, the plot is interesting so far, but there's not been enough chapters to make any kind of informed review.

Nan Hao and Shang Feng, The Odd Couple I have never laughed so hard in my life. It could've been gay - it's not - but its funnier because its obvious where it could've been shounen-ai. Constantly revisit this, especially when I need a laugh.

My Dress-Up Darling The art is great, the plot is fantastic as well. I am the biggest fan of our delightful nerd couple, and the satisfying cast of support characters are the whipped cream on my milkshake.

Here Comes the Silver Spoon! Rich girlboss v. white lily sister. The dad is the best because he's absolutely merit-based, and all of the characters have interesting personalities.

Master Villainess the Invincible! It's another op FMC, a bit formula, but the art is good and the plot is relatively interesting. There's a level of respect I have for the FMC for how she treats her adversaries, and the friends the original had spurned.

Screw the Noble Life, I'm Going Home I am no longer reading this. It's just... boring?

The Hero's Savior The FMC is annoying in the miscommunication/oh no! I screwed the plot up! kind of way with very little visible redemption. But can I tell you that the yandere was yandere-ing for a singular heart-stopping panel that I still have in my folder for rotating backgrounds on my phone. (Will post it on request.)

[kingboohoo37]

KBH RANDOM RANT

I'M BACK... at least I try to post more often. Streams will also come more regularly (surely...).

I'm slowly getting back to work so my time is still very limited. I thought this was a good time to bring back my random rants about fandoms since I just revisited an old classic from my childhood.

YEP we're talking about Kim Possible one of the most ludicrous fictional universes I've ever seen... In a good way!

First up: This show is FUDGING 22 YEARS OLD THIS YEAR... I'm really getting old...

The funny part about that is it was made during the peak of the 2000s... and you really notice that. The language that most teenagers use in this show is so stereotypical for that time it feels so nostalgic even watching it XD

Anyway, let's get the obvious out of the way. I know this is supposed to be a kids cartoon and I know that I'm an adult man but that doesn't stop me from watching it.

So, why is this show so great?

Good question! Its primary charm probably comes from its simple comedic attitude of telling a story.

The characters are so ridiculous that you should never be able to take this show seriously simply because most of their actions or the situations around them don't even make sense. This show just requires you to take in its vibe and go with the flow. I mean... a teenager knowing 16 forms of Kung Fu and saving the world on any given occasion is nothing that can possibly make sense. Don't forget: "Anything's possible for a Possible!"

Let's get into the characters:

Kim is your basic teenage girl, and she's here to save the world. You can't stop her 'cause...

Okay I'll stop xD

Apart from her being an ass-kicking girl boss, her main character traits are kinda the things you expect from a main character. She saves the world out of sheer will to stick to her morals. In short: she wants to help people. That obviously doesn't always work out and she sometimes ends up judging people by what they are instead of who they are. On top of that, she gets jealous easily.

BUT she is brave, smart, and makes usually good choices in the heat of the moment (except when it comes to love xD), and is otherwise very mature for her age.

Well... the opening song didn't lie. She really is your basic teenage girl. That doesn't mean she isn't cool xD

Well, obviously I can't end it without talking about the man and his very smart and hungry naked little friend.

What makes this show so funny is well... its ability to deliver comedy simply by a character existing and Ron Stoppable plays a big part in that.

He is pretty much a normal guy who just happens to be Kim's childhood friend and later somehow steals her heart xD

He is an absolute doofus. He is silly and rarely takes anything seriously. He is also lazy and loves his favorite junk food joint Bueno Nacho.

Despite all that he still cares for his friends, his naked mole rat Rufus, and usually learns a very important lesson after an episode.

He accompanies Kim on pretty much every mission and is usually more of a hindrance than a help. Despite all that Kim still loves him in her own way. And he also saves the day a couple of times, so it's not like he is a complete slob.

Rufus is just the cherry on top. Both of these guys are hilarious and I was honestly surprised by how much I laughed watching this show.

I could go on and on but I'm gonna try to finish up this post here before it gets too long xD

Even though every episode has kind of a similar structure, it never gets boring. The villains, the side characters... all of them add something very unique to the table. You just throw some characters together and boom the story kind of writes itself XD

Season 4 was my absolute favorite part of the show since guess what ... that was when Kim and Ron started dating and BOY DO THEY MAKE A CUTE COUPLE.

Ahem... anyways. I do not regret watching all 87 episodes in the last 2-3 weeks. If you're looking for a comfortable. goofy and funny way to escape reality for a moment I can only recommend this old classic.

[frosted-night]

For personal reasons, here are the hcs I wrote for how the guardians help a believer dealing with loss. These might be heavy.

North: While giving new gifts would be rather moot, he'd try to encourage the believer to revisit gifts their loved one gave them. Even down to smallest object. He'd tell them it's okay to feel complicated feelings towards it and help them find ways to preserve it. (While trying to nip any possible signs of hoarding in the bud.) He hasn't delt with this scenario often but he does his best.

Aster: His center shines the brightest during this scenario. He becomes very gentle and carefully tries to get the believer somewhere quiet and open to where they could process their thoughts. Aster would make sure to remind them that while death may be inevitable, they can enjoy what part of their life was shared with their deceased loved one. He'd show them that there's so much left for them to live and to keep that glimmer of hope alive.

Sandy: He can find this topic difficult, because he knows sometimes dreams of dead loved ones can be more upsetting rather than comforting. Instead, he'd conduct the dreamsand to try to give the believer a dream that they want more than anything. Something to comfort them or just to allow them to glimpse at the person they want to see more than anything. Sandy tries to limit this as he's scared the believer might reject reality if he's not careful.

Tooth: Like Aster, its something she's come across constantly, maybe even more than him. From a child grieving their first pet, to something complicated and soul crushing. She looks through their memories and makes sure they stay in good shape. Her cases are designed to tell her or her fairies when a human needs them the most. Tooth knows those memories might fade one day but she can keep them safe for as long as possible.

Katherine: She can often see when someone vents through writing or journaling about a tough situation. Loss is one Katherine tries to approach delicately. While initially she may not have much to work with, she uses her literary magic to send stories or media to the believer to help them process what they're feeling. Maybe a story of someone in their exact situation getting the comfort they need, a song that expresses the difficult emotions or a story/movie them and their loved one enjoyed. Its very indirect but its worth it in her opinion.

Jack: It was hard to him at first, since he knew telling someone to "go outside" wouldn't just make the pain go away. It confused him. He'd tell them they don't need to keep a stiff upper lip or force a smile. They're allowed to be happy in the absence of a loved one, he'd say, and that no being alive could say otherwise. Jack would try not to step over their boundaries but would sit with them for as long as they needed or wanted him there.

Ombric: It's cruel in his opinion how time can cause such pain for others, but it is inevitable. That doesn't stop him from feeling empathy of course. While he can't interact with them directly, Ombric would whisper across the sands of time to the creatures around their dwelling. Just enough to have them check on that person in their own way. Butterflies lingering near their windows, bees staying for just a little longer than usual. He knows it isn't much but it could mean the world to the right person.

Man In The Moon: the wishes of someone in mourning sting the hardest for him at times. He understands it completely but knows he can never grant those wishes no matter how much it hurts. Instead, he'd try to search for anything else that would help ease their suffering. If no wish would suffice, Manny would contact the appropriate guardian to assist. If nothing else, he'd make sure they can see the moon's glow at night. To remind them that even in the darkest night, there's always a light looking down at them.

[hongherbac]

[Hatori centric] Off Duty

Read it on AO3

Words: 3,559

Characters: Hatori, Serizawa, Shimazaki

Additional Tags: Overworking, Exhaustion, Angst, Comfort, Friendship, Dialogue Heavy

Summary:

Hatori was overworking, and Serizawa was concerned.

It's said that the effects of sleep deprivation are similar to being drunk. And you know, drunk people speak the truth.

Off Duty

　　A cell phone rang in the dimly lit office. The owner of the cell phone was a young, little man with tousled brown hair, hunched over in a non-ergonomically shaped chair, his feet long since kicked out of their indoor slippers, his hands clasped around his knees, and his white socks stomping on the chair cushion, resembling an armadillo curled up in a ball of terror. He wore over-ear headphones and let the high decibel pop music wash over his senses. He did not move at all, except for the faint rise and fall of his breath, and his glasses reflected the pale, glaring light from three computer monitors, the windows on the screens constantly changing.

　　Above his head, a faint fluorescent light hummed and flickered, barely illuminating half of the corner; the rest of the office remained silent and dark, without the usual signs of life, as if abandoned at the edge of time.

　　The ringing broke the silence. The computer screen suddenly stopped switching windows. Hatori paused, glancing at the time in the lower right corner before muttering a low curse. He took off his headset, stretched his stiff body to reach the phone, swiped to answer with his thumb, and put it to his ear. The blanket that had been draped around his shoulders had already slipped off, and now it fell straight to the floor.

　　"Hi, Serizawa." His voice was dry and raspy, "Sorry, I lost track of time - I know I promised you before, but work's been really busy today. I'm still working overtime. We'll do it another day, okay?"

　　"Of course! It's all right, don't worry about it."

　　Serizawa's voice was as warm and friendly as ever.

　　"It's just an online game anyway, and we can always revisit the previous quests." Serizawa smiled softly, but couldn't hide a hint of worry, "But...... it's Saturday, and it's already ten at night."

　　"Hmm."

　　"You said you were working overtime yesterday at this time."

　　"Yeah, I know."

　　"And the day before yesterday -"

　　"That's just how work is. What can I do?" Hatori took off his glasses and rubbed his sore eye sockets with the back of his hand, stifling a big yawn, "Sorry, I have to get back to work. Talk later, bye."

　　He hung up the phone, put it back on the table, and picked up the coffee pot to pour himself a cup. Holding the pot above the mug, it took him a moment to realize that the coffee pot was empty. He didn't remember drinking that much coffee, but the evidence was there. And he must have had too much, because he could feel the veins in his head throbbing.

　　Hatori brewed another pot of coffee, picked up the blanket from the floor, draped it back over his shoulders, and retreated back into the armadillo-like position. The three computer monitors began flashing again, scrolling through a multitude of complex, incomprehensible commands, rapidly switching between various windows, data, documents, and photographs. Although the large amount of information was already running at a rather impressive speed, those familiar with Hatori's work would easily notice that it was actually much slower than usual.

　　As the night wore on, the air grew colder.

　　Time passed. Outside, a light drizzle began. Raindrops pattered softly against the window pane.

　　Suddenly, the window creaked open, and a tall figure squeezed in. Serizawa bent down to hold the window frame, carefully yet clumsily trying to dodge the miscellaneous office clutter, but still ended up accidentally knocking over a broomstick - THUD! The wood struck the floor, causing Hatori to look up, staring in surprise as Serizawa picked it up awkwardly.

　　"Serizawa? What are you doing here?"

　　"Uh. Hi, Hatori." Serizawa gave a very embarrassed smile, "I was just thinking...... Well, I thought you might not have eaten properly again. I didn't want to go to bed anyway, so I brought you some snacks."

　　He did have two plastic bags in his hand.

　　"Is this okay? I don't want to interrupt your work. Maybe you can eat it during your break. There's miso soup in there. It's better when it's hot. If you have a steam cooker here, I could put it in there to keep it warm for you?"

　　Hatori blinked, "Oh...... Thanks. Could you put it on the table over there? I'll be there in a minute."

　　"Of course. Of course. But please don't forget to eat it. You used to forget all the time."

　　"If that's the case, do you want to stay and keep an eye on me?"

　　"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to -"

　　"I'm kidding. I meant, do you want to stay and eat with me? After all, you bought it. But it's late, so you might want to get some rest."

　　"Oh, no, no! I...... I'd be happy to."

　　Serizawa gave a blushing smile, seeming genuinely pleased. He carried the plastic bags to the low table Hatori had just pointed out. There were two couches next to the table, a coffee machine against the wall, a snack cabinet full of junk food, and a small refrigerator humming loudly. Serizawa put the bags down on the low table, and took out some hot, steaming takeout containers.

　　Hatori opened a drawer and found a box of painkillers. He took two pills and washed them down with a gulp of strong coffee. Serizawa didn't say anything, but Hatori could feel the worried look of his old colleague. "It's just a headache."

　　He picked up the fallen blanket for the umpteenth time, shuffled stiffly to the wall and tried several times before he found the right switch to illuminate the area around the low table with a cool, bright glow. Hatori collapsed onto the couch. His body went limp. He watched as Serizawa unwrapped the disposable chopsticks and placed them neatly on the edge of the container. Inside the large container was a steaming bowl of oden, filled with various ingredients that absorbed the rich broth of dried bonito and kelp. Serizawa always assumed that everyone ate as much as he did.

　　They sat next to each other. Serizawa was tall and broad, wrapped in an orange striped hanten. It kept him warm, and looked decent enough in the middle of the night.

　　Hatori, on the other hand, looked simply awful. His brown hair was sticking out in all directions, his face was pale and bloodless, and even under the blanket, he felt a constant chill in his arms and legs. He picked up a piece of fish cake with his chopsticks, and chewed it slowly in small bites. His vacant, lifeless eyes fixed on some empty spot in the dark office, as if his consciousness had a mind of its own, constantly looking for a chance to slip away from him.

　　Hatori relied heavily on his psychic powers to work. It didn't take an esper to see that he was drained at this moment.

　　The energy of a Super Five was not that easy to drain.

　　He ate the fish cake in silence, then a chikuwa , some radish, and some seaweed. Serizawa pushed a bowl of miso soup towards him. The nourishing food slowly warmed his body.

　　Serizawa ate a little too, but it was more of a polite gesture. They remained silent, quietly eating their late night snack and sipping the hot soup. Outside the window, the rain gradually intensified, and the constant sound of dripping water seemed to isolate this lonely, dimly lit building in the night. It took a long time before Hatori finally opened his mouth.

　　"There was an international case."

　　He rubbed his eyes, knowing they were dry and bloodshot.

　　"A human trafficking organization... The U.S. has approached the Japanese government for cooperation. You have no idea how terrible their database is. It's like trying to find a ring in 500 piles of garbage."

　　"Oh, God." Serizawa frowned, "Is there anything I can do?"

　　"We're on it. Those guys are slippery, but I know I'll catch them sooner or later. It just...... needs to take some time. There's so much data to sift through, to decode, to match, to analyze. It's a mountain of work."

　　"Joseph really shouldn't have given you so much work."

　　"What? Oh, no. It has nothing to do with him this time. He even tried to convince me to go home and sleep. I told him to go fuck himself."

　　"Go home and sleep? Have you been sleeping in the office?"

　　"Yeah, commuting takes too much time. I'd rather save it. And there are cookies. By the way, if you see anything you want, just help yourself. Take the whole bag if you like."

　　"How many days have you been working overtime?"

　　"How would I remember?" Hatori said flatly, "It doesn't matter."

　　"But -"

　　"You know, that's just the way I am. I can't stand to see things left undone."

　　Serizawa wanted to say something but hesitated, struggling for a moment before finally dropping his gaze to his hands. "Right. I remember you've always been like that. The President was always careful not to give you too much work. He said it was like giving candy to a child. He had to prevent you from eating it all at once and ending up with a stomach ache."

　　"Did he really say that?" Hatori chuckled, "He always understood his subordinates well."

　　"Well...... yes."

　　"Do you remember the time Shimazaki tried to skip a meeting, and the Boss just led a raid on that cult organization? Shimazaki regretted it for a long time; he had been really looking forward to tearing them apart himself. And Minegishi was furious. He thought Shimazaki made him to take on extra work."

　　"Yes, I remember." Serizawa smiled.

　　"Of all the psychic power criminal organizations I've seen, none could compare to the 'Claw'. And there's no one like the Boss."

　　"The President...... How is he doing?"

　　"He's doing well. Still very much an influence. Half the prison is basically under his command now. I think he's been studying shogi lately, and reading a lot of astrophysics. Ha, maybe next time he'll try to conquer the universe."

　　"That's good to hear."

　　Serizawa tried to answer with a smile, but it faded away, giving way to deep contemplation.

　　"Do you still care about him?" Hatori didn't look at him and picked up another piece of tofu, "I heard that he drained your energy and threw you out of the Seasoning Tower. If Minegishi hadn't arrived in time, you might have died that day."

　　"I...... Well, it sounds stupid. But I'm still grateful to him."

　　"He used you."

　　 "That's right, but - But things aren't that simple. It's not just this or that -" Serizawa gestured awkwardly, "He, the President, he found me. He took me out of my room, taught me how to live outside. He made me believe that I could be useful. He made it possible for me to come this far."

　　"You can visit him, you know. Every Saturday at two o'clock. Twenty minutes."

　　"That time belongs to Shou. I don't want to intrude on them."

　　"The Boss would be happy to see you." Hatori said blandly, "He asks about you a lot. He's worried that you're being used by that fraudster. That's true, in a way. But I assured him you're doing well."

　　Serizawa's eyes melted, "...... Thank you."

　　"Mm."

　　There was still plenty of food left, but Hatori had already put down his chopsticks. Serizawa took out two bottles of barley tea out of another plastic bag, opened the cap for Hatori, and poured it into the empty coffee mug while saying:

　　"How about you?"

　　"Me? What about me?"

　　"That day at the Seasoning Tower, the President...... He didn't just come after me."

　　Well done, Hatori. I knew I could trust you.

　　"Oh, yeah, Minegishi still holds a grudge about that. Strange, isn't it? He seemed to have expected this to happen, but he still stayed with us until the end. I don't think he'll ever forgive the Boss."

　　"I'm talking about you, Hatori."

　　Hatori, you're the only one I truly trust. I'm so glad I found you.

　　"There's nothing to say. I don't care. It's all in the past. My ex-boss tried to kill me for failing to do my job? That would look good on a resume."

　　"You care about the President." Serizawa pointed out gently, "I think you do care."

　　"......"

　　You have no use anymore. I'll just start over.

　　"...... I don't know." Hatori shrank back into the couch. His back hunched, his hands cupped around the heavy mug, "Sometimes I feel like I can understand where the Boss was coming from. He had that ambition for twenty years. And we...... I let him down. He wanted to start over. And there's nothing wrong with that.

　　He stared into the mug. The surface of the barley tea reflected the thin, white shadows of the fluorescent light, twisting and distorting with the slightest movement.

　　"Have you ever heard of the first man to reach the South Pole? He used dogs to pull the sleds. As time went on, they gradually used up the supplies. They didn't need as much power, so he slaughtered the dogs for food."

　　"Oh, my God." Serizawa was horrified. "Poor dogs."

　　"People called him cold-blooded, heartless. But he succeeded. That's how it is. You have to be useful, or you can't blame others for throwing you away."

　　"But that...... That's not right."

　　"What's not right?"

　　"A - Abandoning companions like that. Like everything that happened before never mattered. Like they have no feelings, just something to be used up." Serizawa's hands twisted, "That's not right. People are not tools."

　　"...... Maybe. But most people don't think that way."

　　"How do you know?"

　　Hatori grinned a tired smile, gesturing toward the computer. "You forget what I do for a living. If they weren't encrypted, I could go through thousands of devices in a day. There are tons of private files on them. And now cell phones and laptops usually come with cameras. I guarantee you wouldn't want to know the details. People can be really disgusting behind closed doors."

　　Serizawa looked away uncomfortably.

　　"You don't even need to go that far. Just look around."

　　"What do you mean?"

　　"People hate me." Hatori said as plainly as he could, "It has always been like that. But it's because of my abilities, because I can do things they'll never be able to, that they're taking me seriously."

　　Serizawa shook his head, "No, it's not."

　　"My coworkers barely talk to me. The only reason they do is that they need my help."

　　"No."

　　"Face it. The 'Claw' is gone, and we have to grow up. The reality is, the Boss had never trusted us. Everyone just wants me to shut up, and be an obedient, useful tool."

　　"May-maybe there's some kind of misunderstanding......"

　　Hatori fell silent. His whole body was still on the couch, as if he was shrinking inward, but also ready to spring outward at any moment. The fluorescent light suddenly flickered, blinking on and off a few times, like unstable voltage. But when Serizawa looked up in concern, it immediately stabilized again.

　　Outside, the rain gradually stopped, while the night grew deeper and deeper, seeping into the building through the dark windows. The wall clock ticked steadily. Several computers had gone into sleep mode, emitting a low hum. Hatori stared blankly as shadows took over the office, turning everything into a dim blur. After a while, he finally spoke again:

　　"...... And that's what pisses me off about you."

　　Serizawa opened his mouth, his eyes wide and panicked, "I - I - I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you -"

　　"I don't understand," Hatori said, almost to himself, "why you're always so positive. So optimistic. You act like you just have to try hard enough, be a good person, then everything will get better automatically."

　　"I'm really sorry. I......"

　　"You should know better. It's because of your incredible powers that the Boss went looking for you back then."

　　The big guy flinched as if something had hit him. Like a wounded animal. Serizawa blurted out defensively, "It's because of that power that I locked myself in my room."

　　"Do you know how many hikikomori there are in Japan?" Hatori blinked, immediately retrieving the information, "About a million. Most of them don't have psychic powers, and they don't have a boss to bring them out. You're lucky, that's all. You're strong, you met the right people, you're tall and kind. And I -"

　　Hatori jabbed his finger heavily against his own chest.

　　" - I at least have some self-awareness. I know, without my powers, I'm just nothing."

　　A dreadful silence filled the room. Serizawa lowered his eyes, looking at his clenched hands, his shoulders stiff with tension. Hatori stared at the mug in his hand. He wished the surface would stop shaking.

　　Squeak.

　　The couch suddenly groaned, sinking slightly under the weight. In the blink of an eye, Shimazaki appeared beside them, sitting comfortably on the couch with his legs crossed.

　　As usual, he was dressed in a sharp dark jacket over a burgundy shirt, perfectly suited for the night; though he looked more at home in a nightclub or a bar than in a cluttered office smelling of old documents. Shimazaki's eyelids half-closed as he placed a plastic supermarket bag on the low table, and took out a few chilled cans of beer, still beaded with condensation from the fridge.

　　Serizawa called out hesitantly, "Shimazaki?"

　　"Just happened to be nearby. Thought I heard two big rats sneaking a snack." Shimazaki smiled lightly, "And I guess you guys could use a little booze."

　　"Thank you. We're not rats."

　　"Really? I can't see it. I'm blind."

　　Shimazaki placed a can of beer in front of Serizawa, then took away Hatori's mug, opened a beer can for him, and slipped it into his hand. Shimazaki grabbed the third can of beer for himself, and began to dig into the remaining oden.

　　Hatori glared gloomily at the beer. He muttered, "Ah, whatever." and downed the alcohol in large gulps.

　　Serizawa said nothing, opened his beer and sipped quietly.

　　Minutes passed in silence before it was finally broken by Hatori. He set the can down with a thud. It was half empty. Then he slumped back into the couch, his body slack and limp, rattling the springs in the worn cushions. His breathing was shallow, his chest rising and falling rapidly, and most of his face was hidden in the shadow of the couch. His gaze was even more vacant and dull than earlier.

　　"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'm glad you're happy, meeting those people...... and finding things you really want to do. I have no right to complain. I'm the one who messed up my life. It's my problem."

　　"No, Hatori. Please don't say that." Serizawa said softly.

　　Serizawa's hand clenched and unclenched.

　　"You - you just said...... that if you didn't have your powers......"

　　"That was stupid. Sorry, forget it."

　　"I was just thinking that if you didn't have your powers, maybe we wouldn't have been colleagues at the 'Claw', and we wouldn’t be friends now. And that...... would really be a shame. Because whether you had powers or not, I’d still want to be friends with you."

　　"......"

　　Serizawa looked at the other former colleague with a bit of uncertainty, "I believe Shimazaki feels the same?"

　　Shimazaki pondered, "Well, my life would definitely be better if you didn't mess with my cell phone all the time. So - Yeah. What he said."

　　"......"

　　For a moment, Hatori didn't react at all. His head rested on the couch cushion. His gaze was blank and scattered, difficult to focus, as he stared into some point in the void."

　　"...... Serizawa." Hatori's hollow voice came from the shadows, "I'm so tired."

　　He closed his eyes, letting out a faint, almost inaudible sigh. His head slowly slid down to his chest. His body was curled up, looking small and fragile. His breathing gradually became deep and steady. Serizawa watched his still companion carefully, and whispered, "Is he asleep?" Shimazaki nodded.

　　"I'll take him home."

　　Shimazaki reached out, holding Hatori's back and knees. The two disappeared in a flash.

　　The night was drizzly, but it cleared up the next day. Hatori finally slept in his own soft, cozy bed he'd missed for so long, instead of the old, rough couch. He was tucked under thick blankets, his body relaxed and warmed by the nutritious meal. His glasses had been gently removed, folded and placed beside him neatly. The curtains were deliberately drawn shut to keep the morning light from disturbing his sleep. The next day - the next day was Sunday, so Hatori did not have to worry about oversleeping. When he woke up the next day, he would be surprised to find himself at home. No waking up stiff and sore. No blankets slipping off the floor, leaving his limbs bare and cold. No co-workers bursting into the office, jolting him out of his stupor to continue another day of work. The next day, Hatori would also realize that he had left his cell phone and wallet in the office. He had no idea how he was going to catch the bus to work on Monday.

　　But that was all for the next day. Tonight, he slept soundly.

(The End)

[autisticempathydaemon]

your match-up game looks like so much funnn so i'm gonna submit one for myself 💖

dragula by rob zombie …. i only rly discovered it like two weeks ago but it’s one i play a lot while working bc for some reason it helps me focus lol

just took a test and got nine, the peacemaker. idk much abt enneagrams 🫣

hmm yes but only when i’m feeling spicy. and they’re almost always about video games in some regard, like analyses or creepypasta deep dives yk?

i don’t think i ever had a REAL imaginary friend. i remember trying for a little while because i thought it’s what all kids were supposed to do, but i never like. Believed in it

sleep aid audios! lately it’s been redacted (i have a whole folder of faves on my phone lol) but before that it was asmrtists like gibi. sometimes i take melatonin too ‘cause it takes me ages to fall asleep 😪

i changed my name around late 2019 to angel when i was just coming into my nonbinary-ness; i took it from the video game borderlands 2! i went back to my given name in 2021/2022 but being angel was fun for a while <3

milo’s panic attack audio i think. i was just getting into redacted and starting from the top and it just made me feel so cozy and locked him in as a fave :’) OOH also the pack smash tournament!! i love multi-speaker videos and that one was so much fun

vincent ……. i’m so sorry i’ve tried three times to listen to his playlist but he bores me 😭 the farthest i’ve gotten is past adam, though i listened to his involvement in inversion and picked up with him after the summit

do video games count bc if so i can quote resident evil 4 2005 ALLLL DAY LONG it’s my favorite game ever. if not i’m gonna say lilo and stitch ‘cause that’s my biggest comfort movie

 HUXLEY. like dgmw i love his non-canon audios & he’d be just the sweetest boyfriend but i want to be his friend so baadlyyy i just need one good huxley hug and i think it would cure me

nooo when i’m sleepy i just get quiet 🫠 i’m not a big talker in general i think

blue raspberry slushie + honey bun OR dr pepper + chili cheese fritos. depends on my mood

recently ummm it’s been a playlist i made called violent devotion, which is basically just yandere-type songs hehe

aw man ok. so i was a big homestuck fan in my teens and i rly loved broadway karkat, & last week i discovered all my faves are on spotify :’) so i made a playlist of them and spent all weekend revisiting my past

HMM okay here’s some rapid fire facts: i’m the eldest of three, i’m a dog person, i’m an introvert,  i can be very stubborn (taurus 👋🏻), i tend to prefer video games over tv/movies, and overall personality-wise i relate the most to honey out of all the listeners!

So I consider a lot of factors when I do these, I swear I do. That said- you’re a Honey-kinnie but also a dog person? Who else can I pair you with but Asher?

Your personality types, in addition to your being an eldest child, hint to me that you’re a steadfast, reliable person and therefore an excellent foil to Asher who could use someone like that in his life to ground him. In contrast, I think his extroverted, bubbly nature would bring you out of your shell, endear you to the rest of the pack as the beta’s mate. Also, I think your love of video games and homestuck would really bring y’all together. (Out of all the boys, he’s deffo the most likely to be a homestuck.)

You’d have such a fun, chill life together, because Asher keeps it fun and chill, you know? I think Asher spends a lot of time wolfed out and with his big, dog head on your lap while you play video games. He jumps during the scary games and shifts back during co-ops so he can play with you. He comes home from a gig with either a honey bun or Fritos, because he wasn’t sure what the vibe was today, so he’ll eat whichever one you don’t want. You do 7/11 snack runs and compete to see who has the bluest tongue. It’s a great life.

Song:

Ooh, I'm in love/ It's a mystery/ When I see you out at night/ I start to get dizzy/ Before I see you I pick out some things to say/ Don't want to sound foolish and waste my chance away/ Oh, I'm not gonna make the same mistakes/ I'm not gonna run/ Just pick the boy you like

This song is peak Asher-vibes; do you know what I mean? Like, I think this is the kind of music he’d like, this sort of alternative indie pop rock sound. (Side note, the guitarist’s name is literally Darlin, so that’s a sign right there.) This song in particular is so fun and catchy; I can see Asher singing this at you incessantly no matter how long he’s already been your boyfriend.

Runner-ups:

Milo is a runner-up because you’re a dog person /hj It’s also because I would kill to watch him watch you play RE4 or any other horror game- that would be hilarious. Guy is another runner-up because, behind Asher, he’s the second most likely to have had a homestuck phase.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[swholli]

Ok, so, maybe I’m just not the right shade of autistic for it, but I’ve never “based my identity” on a piece of fiction?

I saw the ask about h*gwarts houses and in the replies someone asks “is there a series not written by a bigot I can base my identity on?”

And while I know the reply was likely only half serious it got me thinking; a healthy separation of self and media is a good thing that I think late stage capitalism is robbing us of it.

My special interests for many years has been Star Wars- a series I’ve been obsessed with in a way that I can put on mostly any of the movies and find comfort in revisiting them.

I don’t think of myself in terms of “jedi” or “sith” or anything like that. I don’t think about the greater philosophical implications of the lore and then apply that to myself in the real world, it’s fiction written by a fallible human. Not everything within it has some secret real truth other than what you get out of it. Not every piece of fiction you interact with and interpret has to be your new religion.

But in the age of hyper consumption, where everything is content and watching any new show or movie has an expectation of having done your homework on the complex lore and characters and previous works: It’s not a stretch to say the media is specifically designing itself to be consumed this way. They want you to form an identity around it, attach yourself to it, because then you’re less likely to leave the fandom no matter what they put out and will always stay a loyal customer to the brand.

I mentioned Star Wars because it’s the argument I made when h*gwarts legacy came out. If George Lucas came on Twitter and started bashing trans folk and donating his billions of Disney dollars to anti-trans causes, well even if was a little sad to do, I’d just stop watching Star Wars.

I like the media I consume, I am not the media I consume. I do not and have not based my core tenants of my beliefs and personality on someone else’s mythos.

I’m not saying this to imply that I’m somehow better than anyone, I think we’re all capable of understanding. I think for some it really is like leaving a religion. But, bro, you gotta. You have to be able to hold the things you like at an arms length sometimes and ask yourself questions about it. Not just of its text or subtext, but of the very thing itself. Because at the end of the day it is still just a thing made by people, and there are so many more worthy stories than just your favorite one.

I know they have us all bogged down with reality to the point where escapism is the only viable option to stay sane, but you can still choose your escapism. You are not beholden to something just because you liked it. It’s perfectly okay to still like things that you liked as a kid, but you’re supposed to grow and learn and change. Nothing is static, there will be new and exciting stories again, but first we have to stop giving the old stories power and let them die when it’s their time to die.

[dear-diary-mood-apathetic]

brb im fucking bawling

life story/rambling under cut

I've been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting lately. A lot of revisiting things Id have been much happier to leave in the past.

I always hated hearing how one day it would get better. Because I knew that it wouldnt be that easy. I knew I wouldnt just wake up one day and feel fine. And I think more than anything, I was scared that being okay meant losing the most integral part of my child/teen self: my rage.

I was an emotional kid growing up. I'd cry at everything and anything and all I ever wanted was for everyone to be happy. It was a burden I undertook personally at far too young of an age. Be it the eggshells I took my first steps on or the guilt I'd never let go of simply for the inconvenience of being born a baby. I saw things a child shouldnt have to see and handled emotions and situations far too grown up for a second grader. When I started to understand this, thats when I started to get angry.

I knew that the way I was treated wasnt okay, and by the time I would turn ten I'd gotten violent. I escaped into the comfort of horror media and would often find myself locked away in my dark bedroom on my phone for hours at a time scouring the corners of the internet for the next disturbing thing I could find. But I was just a kid. And that would send me down a multi-year psychotic episode that left me feeling isolated and terrified. And even more angry. I started getting into fights whenever the opportunity arose outside of the house. I wasnt even in middle school yet, but I was filled with blind, white hot rage already.

Once I made it to middle school though, some of the anger had festered into a chronic depression that felt like emotional rot. I developed a lot of awful habits and worsened a few Id picked up prior. I hurt a lot of people in my spiral downward and I still regret many of those things to this day. I was hurting and determined to make other people hurt too. But it only felt fair to me at the time; if I have to go home to my dads cruelty every single day, what did it matter who I hurt? They were supposed to feel bad for me.

It wouldn't be until about 2020 that things started to finally look up. I got my first job against my dads will, and this would be the decision that changed my entire life. I finally started to understand that I wasn't bound by my dads judgement. I met the people who would let me move into their apartment after a shitty roommate situation. And most importantly I met my boyfriend.

I went through a few relationships and there were a few roadblocks before it finally worked out for us to get together. Including my dads impulse choice to move himself, me, and my pregnant stepmother to South Carolina with no actual shelter built except a camper for them and a tent for me in July of '22. But after being friends for about a year and a half, we finally started dating in August. That November, he and one of our then mutual friends made an 8+ hour drive to pick me up on my eighteenth birthday. I turned 18 on November 6th and they started driving on the fifth. If it werent for them I'd still be stuck in South Carolina!

I really think I have my boyfriend to thank for who I am today. When we met I was sixteen and didnt plan on making it to eighteen. I dont think I wouldve without him. Hes been the most supportive and patient person as I've worked to heal a lot of wounds he didn't cause. Ive only been able to do the reflection and self help I needed because of him. I've been allowing myself to let go of the anger Ive defined myself with for so long and its scary. But I think Im going to like the gentler version of myself. The version he deserves.

Because for once in my life I feel like I'm safe. The eggshells are gone. A quiet house doesn't mean tension and a loud one no longer means violence. I can breathe and rest for the first time in a long time. I slept with an eye open for a while, but I think its finally safe to close them both.

[reiikoz]

hellow :) angel again with a muse to throw in your face<3 thought i could contribute a staff muse to infinite by revisiting a certain past characterization that was short lived but v missed so i’m excited to explore it more this time !! as always, u can reach out to plot and chat on any of my muse blogs (jian, chaerin & jaemin) OR i’m always on discord so feel free to ask for my user !!! but yes without further ado, here’s my baby reiko c:

‧₊˚ welcome to infinite entertainment! it's AIZAWA REIKO, who is the STYLIST (MAKEUP) of TIDAL. i’ve heard whispers that the 26 year old is pretty EASYGOING but lowkey FLIPPANT. also, doesn’t she remind you of MIYAWAKI SAKURA?

feel free to take a lil looksie at her stats, plot ideas and pinterest !

FAMILY / GROWING UP

• aizawa reiko was born on january 11 1998 in kobe, japan to two loving, supportive and creative parents. she also has a brother (details coming soon as i’ve decided to make this a wanted connection aaa)

• her parents are educators with her dad being a college literature professor, currently working in new york. and her mom being a high school teacher in japan

• growing up, she didn’t have the best luck making friends. only making one with which she’s lost contact with not long after she graduated

• reiko often found herself in trouble as she began high school, whether it be contributing to the graffiti problem in her city or trespassing private abandoned property to smoke. she had too many instances where she ran from police/security and others where she waited for her parents to pick her up at the station

• it caused a brief strain on her relationship with her parents until her mom shoved watercolor paints in her hands and showed her that there were other ways to cure her insatiable need to create art and also her boredom

• she was also made to get a job as consequence so she ended up at a convenience store near the bay. her manager/boss was an old man and despite his disagreements, they were totally friends

• reiko often used her paychecks for art supplies and soon makeup

• her love for makeup stemmed from movies — especially those from sci-fi, fantasy, and horror films introduced to her by her dad

INFINITE / TIDAL

• rei would learn that her hobby of makeup was actually a passion and after a year of perfecting her craft, she began posting her looks on instagram; having gained a good following from it

• it was how she was discovered by infinite entertainment and even if she knew she would miss her family, it was easy to accept their offer and move to south korea

• she was placed with the coed band tidal when she was 20 a few years after their debut and it was. . rough when their management limited her creative control so much

• there was definitely some conflict at first involving her but as tidal's concept evolved, so did their styling and she was able to feel more at ease

PERSONALITY

• carefree, witty, protective, opinionated

• flippant, stubborn, sarcastic, aloof

• more mellowed out in comparison to her high school days, reiko is very carefree however when it comes to authority she's dismissive and cold

• to friends or just people she's comfortably okay with, she's chill and in some cases, protective.

• she takes her work seriously and oftentimes gets annoyed when someone distracts her (oftentimes it'll be anyone who has said authority over her)

• not that friendly/approachable but once you get past that, she's a friend for life !

• shows her affection by quality time and acts of service<3

OTHER

• carefree aunt that always says yes and sneaks u candies and toys vibes

• platinum blonde but sometimes shows up with black chalk in her hair either on the ends or in those iconic raccoon highlights ?? if thats what its called oof (hair is not her thing but she tries so let her do ur hair too ok)

• capricorn girlie

• hUGE night owl it's concerning

• facetimes her dad whenever she can

• epitome of chaotic neutral

i believe that's all i got for her rn but i'll definitely add to this when it comes to me so yea !!! pls do check out her plots page and love her down :') give this a lil likesie and i shall bother u :*

[taketwoinink]

Future Ink here, revisiting this thought. I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine today and we ended up talking about the fluidity of identity.

Identities of all kinds can cause for a large variety of reasons. The person I am now I can confidently say is different from the person I was ten years ago, or five years ago, or one year ago. That is an aspect of life. As we grow and adapt to ever changing circumstances, we adjust our identities to fit.

In my original post, I mentioned how I feel as if I have always been nonbinary and was never a woman. I gave this more thought today as my friend and I spoke and I no longer felt like that statement was true.

The gender I am today is distinctive and different from the gender I felt as a child. I think I gave gender a great deal more consideration than most children do and I would say to some degree I have always been genderqueer, but I would no longer use nonbinary to describe child me.

Similarly, I cut my hair about six months ago. This was one of my first experiences with gender euphoria. Since then, I have kept my hair short and experimented with even more daring, shorter haircuts. Many of these have brought me joy and peace with my body.

Until recently. Recently I've been experiencing an intense longing to have long hair again, something I never thought I would want.

Nothing about my gender itself feels as if it has changed, but my preferred gender expression and the things that cause me to feel gender dysphoria have.

I bring this up to establish the idea that identity is fluid. Especially queer identities. What was once true for me no longer is.

Sometimes the changes are not big or easy to define. We might not switch labels, but our experience within our label may change. This is all normal and valid.

If someone does switch labels, that is also valid. Take this example. Let's say someone identifies as aroace throughout their twenties and thirties and then in their forties, they no longer feel as if they are asexual. So they shed that label. This doesn't mean they've secretly been allosexual this entire time. Labels can change. Identities can change.

Before you freak out (because I know some of you will)- I don't believe this happens to the majority of people. It very likely will not happen to you. It is okay to go about your life and make life-changing decisions based on the way you feel now and the way you estimate you will feel in the coming years.

Don't live your life in fear of change. Change your life to remove your fear.

I only bring this up because we always have more to learn. We can always be more accepting and understanding of the people around us. It's important to consider life experiences outside of our own and viewpoints we don't normally share. It's important to ask questions and listen to the answers with respect.

Even people who do not define their identity as being fluid (someone who has a stable gender vs someone who identities with the genderfluid label, for example) may experience changes with the way they express and define their experience. This is something we should respect.

You don't need to understand someone to love them.

I hope this all made sense and didn't unsettle anyone. Change is scary! I know many people who are ace who are terrified that one day they will become allo. And to them, or any one who has a similar fear, I'd like to say that even if your identity changes, it doesn't invalidate your old identity.

You weren't lying. You weren't confusing yourself. You weren't trying to trick or deceive anyone.

If your identity stays the same your entire life? Well that's valid too.

The only words that matter are the ones that make you happy. Switch labels as often as you need. Be comfortable with yourself and forget the rest.

That's what's important here.

this is kind of a half-baked thought but here we go

there's this thing commonly said in the trans community of "we didn't pick our genders, this is just the way we are"

yes, this is true

however, I do want to bring attention to the idea that perhaps it isn't true 100% of the time. And for those people, whoever they may be, who maybe don't feel as if they were always trans, you're valid too in whatever gender you choose to be!

I think that saying we were born this way is how we kind of argue against transphobes and people saying that we're just confused or we don't know what we're talking about. And for so many of us, it's true! personally, yes, I feel as though I was never a woman but have always been something else but hadn't yet figured that out. (which is why I feel weird saying I discovered I was nonbinary because yes that is the true but in a way I've always been nonbinary. that's a talk for another day though)

But as I've thought about it, I've come to the conclusion that in any other timeline, when placed with the option to be a cis woman, I would choose to be nonbinary every time.

And not everyone would.

And that's okay! We're all different! Being trans/nonbinary is a struggle. It's isolating and sometimes feels hopeless and it's frankly just a lot to deal with. And everyone deals with it in different levels and different situations.

So I believe that not all trans people are born this way. AND THAT'S OKAY. They are every bit as valid as any other trans person, or any other person in general! And people who were born this way? Also valid!

Whatever reason someone may feel as if their gender switched, maybe it's trauma, maybe it's preference changing over time, maybe it's just something random and not completely understood, it doesn't matter.

I think they should be recognized and included just the same as anyone else.

-- I haven't ever actually met someone who has told me that they don't feel as if they were trans their entire life. However, if someone can change sexuality over time, then why shouldn't it be possible for someone's gender to change over time as well? I understand that there are a lot of differences in how sexuality and gender evolve, but there are also a lot of similarities.

Just something to think about.

[star1117-archives]

𝐉 <𝟑 - 𝐋. 𝐉𝐍

↳ Pairing : Dom!Jeno x fem!reader

↳ Genre : Angst + Smut

↳ W.C : 3148

↳ Warnings : Alcohol misuse, Heartbreak, Unhealthy coping mechanisms, Drunk sex, Rebounds, Friends to ?, Couch sex, Groping, Unrequited (?) love, Insinuated wet dreams, Begging, Mentions of safewords, No prep, Insinuated squirting, Insinuated dumbification, Creampie, Slight dacryphilia, Aftercare, Naive!Jeno

↳ A/N : Under 16’s DNI !!

↳ Network : @cacaokpop-fics

© 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝟏𝟏𝟏𝟕-𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬. Do not steal, plagiarise, translate, repost or use my work in any way, shape or form.

It was that time again. 1am, alcohol was flowing into your body and tears were flowing out. You drunkenly revisited the secret photo album on your phone, hidden behind a cute kitten. Any unsuspecting friend that happened to look over your shoulder would think nothing of it, I mean who hasn’t had a comforting album or two sometimes?

But for you, this album caused more pain than comfort, yet you always found yourself going back to it. Back to him. You scrolled through each picture at a painfully slow pace, studying his features. That smile that brightened your day, the eyes that crinkled when he laughed, the nose he used to twitch as a party trick, the lips you spent hours on end worshipping with your own. He was your world, but he fucked some other bitch behind your back. Because he got bored.

Bored.

There’s no spark anymore Y/N. Our relationship.. it just… I feel bored, not in love like I’m supposed to be.

You must be a masochist or something, that phrase always repeating in your mind and stabbing you in the heart. Sighing, you took another swig of the bottle, surprised to find it empty. Had you really been drinking that much? Whatever, who cares. You’ll just die here, swimming in spiced rum and depression.

Your phone hummed to life with a message and it took almost all your energy to turn over and reach for it on the floor. When you had thrown it you don’t know, and you weren’t very bothered in finding out.

{💌} You have one new message from : J <3

Biting your lip, you unlocked your phone, tears falling harder when you saw his message.

{💌} J <3 : You okay? You left the club so quickly, everyone’s worried about you.

You debated lying to him, telling him you were sick, but you could never do that to him. Not when he’s always been there for you.

{💌} Y/N ᵀᴹ : I saw him Jeno, with the slut he was fucking

{💌} Y/N ᵀᴹ : He looked

{💌} Y/N ᵀᴹ : Happy

Jeno seemed to take a while to process your words, those three dots appearing and disappearing. You expected him to go in on you like your other friends have been recently, telling you to get a life and move on already. None of them understood the pain of being cheated on by someone you truly loved.

Just as you were about to break down, your phone dinged again, Jeno’s reply finally sent. All he’d sent however was a few short words.

{💌} J <3 : Let me in

Your eyebrows furrowed and you sat still on your bed for a second in shock, but then you heard a soft knock at your front door.

“Y/N? Can I come in?”

You went and answered the door, both surprised and not at the same time. His dorm was about five minutes from yours, so he must’ve ran over. His breathing was heavy and a slight sheen of sweat was visible on his forehead. He was still in his clothes from the club, fixing the sunglasses that obviously weren’t needed at this time of night.

“Jeno…?”

His large hand cupped your cheek with a comforting smile, nodding quietly as his thumb caressed you. He was here, here for you, here to help. He knew you needed him, and he’d come over. Another tear fell down as you slowly processed this, watching as Jeno became even more concerned, wiping your tear away as he cupped both your cheeks. The overbearing scent of rum burned his nostrils, and Jeno looked at you with pity.

“Fuck Y/N, how much did you drink?”

His words flew over your head however, you just wanted him to stop.

“Stop it.”

Jeno’s brow creased at this, confused by your words.

“What?”

You wrapped your arms around Jeno’s neck, not even noticing the way he looked at them with wide eyes.

“Dont look at me like that. If you feel bad, help me.”

Jeno stayed quiet for a second, trying to look for something in your eyes before finally replying.

“How?”

Moving closer, your lips were now inches from his as you whispered quietly.

“Help me forget.”

Before he could reply, you crashed your lips onto his, your movements sloppy as Jeno’s hands left your face. You could tell he was conflicted when he didn’t kiss back, but you kept kissing him when he didn’t stop you. You just needed to feel something, anything other than this.. weight crushing your heart. Eventually, the alcohol surging through his system got the better of Jeno and his hands fell to your hips, drawing you closer as he reciprocated the kiss.

Not wasting any time, you led Jeno to the sofa, pushing him onto it without breaking the kiss. Now you were on top of him, this kiss becoming messier as Jeno’s hands explored your body, groping anything he could. He groaned into your mouth when you squeezed his shoulders, and you swore it made you clench just from the sound. When your hands fell to his belt buckle however, Jeno pulled away with a sigh. You looked at him with confused eyes when he sat up a little.

“Jeno? What’s wrong?”

Jeno’s hands returned to your hips, his eyes holding all the emotion he refused to let out.

“You don’t want this Y/N, you’re just drunk.”

Tears stung the corners of your eyes at this, holding Jeno’s face as you spoke with desperation.

“It’s not that Jeno, I want this.”

Holding Jeno’s hand, you watched the way he stared at your fingers clasped together.

“You’re the only one I trust to help me forget him.”

Jeno squeezed your hand before kissing it, the last of his resolve faltering.

“I love you.”

Before you could reply, Jeno pressed a kiss to your lips.

“No pressure, I just thought you should know.”

Jeno pulled you down a little by the waist, arm now wrapped securely around you as he looked up at you hopefully.

“Even if nothing comes from it, can I still help you?”

You bit your lip before nodding, gasping when Jeno moved you back slightly so he could undo his belt.

“Don’t worry, by the time I’m done, all you’ll be able to think about is me and how good I make you feel.”

His words made your stomach twist in anticipation, a little ‘woah’ leaving you when Jeno flipped the both of you over. Now he was hovering on top of you, and his expression had started to become dark with lust. He made light work of your pajama pants, not bothering to take off your top as he shrugged his jeans down.

“I’ve dreamt of this moment for so long, even when you were with that bastard.”

Jeno chuckled when he saw the dark patch forming on your panties, pulling them to the side and staring at you with a shit-eating grin.

“By the looks of it, I’m not the only one, Hm?”

Not bothering to lie, you nodded shyly and looked away, cheeks burning with embarrassment. You didn’t stay like this for long however, Jeno’s hand quickly pulling you back to face him when his hand gripped your jaw.

“Eyes on me. Lemme show you how it feels to have a real man fuck you. Not that idiot you were with before.”

Gulping, you nodded as Jeno grasped the waistband of your underwear, pulling it down in one smooth motion. You suddenly felt very exposed, especially under his hungry stare. His eyes widened as he finally caught a glimpse of you, spreading your legs softly and smoothly.

“Fuck, I wanna savour this moment and completely break you at the same time.”

You felt yourself clench at such dirty words, straining a little against Jeno’s touch. He merely chuckled at this, easily overpowering you and pushing your legs open even wider.

“We’ll have to do this again pretty lady, I don’t think I can fit all my dreams in at once.”

Nodding once again, you had now taken an air of urgency. It felt unfair, you were so exposed yet Jeno was still tucked away in his boxers. Before he could ramble any longer, you gripped one of his hands in emergency.

“Please Jeno, stop wasting time. Please just- just-..”

You trailed off when Jeno squeezed your thighs, nodding with a chuckle, leaning down and pecking your lips before speaking softly onto them.

“Safeword?”

You looked into his eyes, marvelling at the way they shone for a second before smiling at him.

“Star, your eyes are really pretty.”

Jeno scoffed with a small smile, pushing a hair out of your eyes before nodding back at you.

“Right back at you.”

He then kissed your cheek with a softness that almost made your heart warm. Almost.

“You ready?”

As soon as you nodded in confirmation, Jeno’s boxers were down, and you couldn’t help but marvel at his size. Not record-breaking, but definitely better than your ex’s. When Jeno caught you staring, he smirked proudly before enrapturing your lips again. He seemed too excited to focus on doing one thing at a time, like a puppy with a bone for the first time. Even in your lustful, impatient state, you still found Jeno’s eagerness endearing. Your hand grasped his as he cupped your face, and he drew out your bottom lip before letting it go.

He hissed quietly as he grabbed his hardened member, aligning it with you and pushing in the tip slightly without warning. With little preparation, you winced at the feeling. Even in his drunken state, Jeno knew he’d have to wait, his heart pounding as he fully took in the view of you under him. Before he became even more lost in thought however, you nodded with a whimper while his hands fell to your hips.

“More. Please Jeno… please..”

Jeno let out a groan at your words, pushing himself in a little farther once again. Your head flew back into the armrest of the chair, tears stinging the corners of your eyes. A pitiful moan fell from your lips, and neither you nor Jeno could tell whether it was from pain or pleasure.

You took less time to recover than before, nodding up at Jeno once again as he stroked your hips, quietly watching you. His smile radiated warmth and safety when he nodded back at you. Finally pushing the last few inches in, both you and Jeno sighed in ecstasy at the feeling, your back involuntarily arching off the sofa, while Jeno grasped your hips tighter to anchor himself.

“You feel fucking amazing.”

Jeno’s head was thrown back as he hissed, resisting the urge to relentlessly snap his hips into yours. Meanwhile your mouth was open in a silent cry, your body shaking as you tried to relax yourself. After a while, Jeno felt your walls flutter around him, your eyes glossy when you finally looked at him again.

“Can I?”

Nodding, you gave Jeno a small smile before bracing yourself.

“Don’t hold back.”

Jeno smirked and licked his lips before experimentally thrusting once. A quiet moan fell from your lips at this, your teeth pulling your bottom lip between them as you rushed to quieten yourself. Sadly, this only resulted with Jeno pulling halfway out. When you looked up at him in confusion, Jeno ran his thumb along your lip, watching intently as you instantly let go of it with the prospect of having Jeno’s thumb instead.

“Don’t do that.”

His hand slowly trailed from your face to your jaw, his movements teasing. It then rested on the soft skin of your neck, the threat clear yet enticing as Jeno spoke with an edge to his tone.

“I wanna hear just how good I make you feel.”

Nodding, you let out a small sigh when Jeno’s hand felt to your hip again. He quickly took your breath away however when he fully pulled out and slammed back into you. Your brain was sent into overdrive, and your loud whines now filled the room as Jeno kept going.

You could hardly catch a breath, Jeno pulling your hips onto his cock with an almost primal need. He soon became enveloped in pleasure, deep moans sending sparks across your skin as he threw his head back. You would’ve marvelled at the view if you were lucid enough to look, instead merely screwing your eyes shut and mewling his name like a mantra.

“Shit baby.. you feel s-so fucking amazing.“

You gripped the armrest with a newfound urgency as Jeno somehow fastened his pace, his hips now colliding messily with yours while filthy squelches filled the room. A plethora of curses were flowing from his lips at this point, and just the sight of your fucked out face had him reeling. A feeling of accomplishment ran over him, pride swelling in his chest at the fact he could fuck you this good.

Your head was swimming, yet wether it was from pleasure or alcohol was beyond you. All you could think about was Jeno. Jeno’s voice, Jeno’s moans, Jeno’s dick. Fuck, it was filling you up so well right now, way better than anyone before, not just your piece of shit ex. His name rolled easily off your tongue like you’d been screaming it your whole life, like it was the only word you knew. You were completely lost in just the whole.. concept of him. Everything about him was just utterly perfect. It had you already on the edge despite barely starting anything.

“Fuck, Jeno I’m c-close-!” 

Your words were cut of by another moan when Jeno’s movements became impossibly faster, the male relishing in the fact that he had you falling apart in a matter of minutes.

“Shit baby, cum for me. Cum all over my dick.”

His hips were now violently snapping into you at this point, your throat turning dry from your continuous cries. The coil in your stomach was impossibly tight, and a fever surged over your body stronger than ever before. It was too good, he was too good, everything was just so fucking-

“Jeno!”

You came with a loud cry of his name, thighs shaking and tears falling from the intensity of your orgasm. Jeno kept up his ruthless pace despite your shaking thighs, your body so overstimulated that you sobbed underneath him. Hitching one of your legs over his shoulder, Jeno was desperate for release as you writhed at the feeling created by this new angle. You were a blubbering mess, desperately clutching anything, everything you could as Jeno’s thrusts became erratic and sloppy. You knew he was close, and you could tell you were too. Your words were more of a broken mess than a sentence, a jumbled thoughtless pile of words messily pieced together.

“Jeno! C-cum! Want it! Please! Your cum! Please!”

Jeno cursed loudly at this, his hips stuttering as he gave a few quick thrusts before pouring a load into you, sparking another orgasm on your side. Jeno slowed his thrusts before carefully pulling out of you, sheepishly looking up at you with a smile while you just trembled on the sofa. When you’d finally caught your breath, you sighed and looked at him with a small grin.

“…I gotta clean the sofa now, don’t i?”

He rubbed his neck before nodding and shakily standing up, pulling on his boxers with a teasing smile.

“Let’s just say.. you really shouldn’t sit up right now.”

Jeno motioned to between your legs with a chuckle, walking off to get a towel and leaving you alone on the sofa. When you looked between your legs and saw the white flowing from between them, your eyes bulged in surprise.

“How the fuck-”

Before you could finish your sentence,Jeno returned, and you gratefully took the towel he offered you. When you halfheartedly tried to sit up however, you felt a rush between your legs. You quickly fell back down, looking over at him while he just watched you struggle.

“A little help here?”

A little ‘ah’ left Jeno at this, the male nodding while a blush tinted his cheeks. Sitting down on the sofa, Jeno slowly moved towards you, suddenly acting as if he didn’t just dick you down ten minutes earlier. When the towel finally connected with your sensitive pussy, a little hiss left you. Jeno quickly retracted his arm, looking up at you in concern.

“Did I… hurt you?”

You rolled your eyes at the worry lacing his tone, chuckling at his naivety.

“Did you not just wreck my shit Jeno? I’m just a little sensitive, calm down.”

He gulped and nodded, slowly but surely cleaning you, still sending you worried glances each time you let out a pained whine or hiss. When he eventually finished, he quickly threw the towel into the washing machine before dressing you as carefully as he could. He picked you up like a figurine made of china, carrying you to your bedroom and carefully laying you on the bed. He then stood there for a second, shuffling from side to side like he was unsure of what would happen next.

“So I think it’s uh- time I.. go?”

Rolling your eyes, you pulled Jeno onto the bed, hugging to him while his heart pounded in his chest. When you laid your head on him and heard it, it made a warm feeling swell within you.

“Stay. You’re not a prostitute, Jeno. Plus, I need someone to keep me away from the rum.”

Jeno seemed appreciative of your blatant excuse, not wanting to address the elephant in the room either. Of course he didn’t wanna rush you, but this situation was definitely a peculiar one. He just couldn’t tell where your head was at right now.

“Thank you.” 

Your mumbled words made Jeno lift up, looking at you in confusion.

“Huh?”

“Thank you Jeno, for helping me forget.”

Jeno smiled brightly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as his ears burned red. He was completely and utterly in love with you, with such a passion that he’d never felt before. He just hoped he wouldn’t become a rebound, a way of helping you heal. But then again, if it made you happy, he’d do it a hundred, no a thousand times. He’d let you use him until you didn’t need him anymore, and that thought frightened him. He’d sacrifice the entirety of his heart to you, even if you didn’t want it.

But that was a problem for another day. Today, he’d relish in the feeling of your body clinging to his, your heart beating with his. For today, you would be his. Forever, he would be yours. So he hugs you closer while he still can, while you still seek solace in his embrace. He’d do everything in his power to win your heart, even if you’d already taken his.

“Even if it’s just for a minute, I’m glad I helped you forget.”

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[mischiefm4n4ged]

Little sirius | flashbacks

CW/TW: ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks, child abuse, self harm, suicide ideation

Summary: Sirius is triggered and slips into impure/vent regression. What is that? It is a form of age regression where because the little has childhood trauma they can regress to the age they experienced it, thus making the regression dark and frightening. (This concept is purely sfw, i don’t support sexualizing age regression.)

The sound of glass shattering from the kitchen broke the silence in Remus’ and Sirius’ flat. Sirius jumped, worried and in a hurry to see if Remus was alright. He didn’t notice his heart beating so fast until he was sure Remus didn’t hurt himself.

“Woah! You alright?” Sirius asked a fidgety Remus who was trying to clean the mess. “What happened? Be careful please… don’t cut yourself”

“bit shaky… dropped the cup…don’t worry. Hope I didn’t scare you” Remus smiled at him and Sirius shook his head, resting a hand against his chest.

“You should stop drinking so much coffee, try some water won’t you? and no I’m okay” Sirius sighed and seeing that Remus was mostly done cleaning he turned and left the kitchen.

Sirius grinned as he spotted foggie on the couch in the living room and hopped towards him. It had been a while since Sirius held his plushie and he missed him, even if he wasn’t regressed at that moment. He let out a giggle as he embraced his favorite toy, kissing it on the cheek and stroking its head.

The regression came suddenly, his adult mind fading into the background. He started humming a song as he play-danced with foggie, crosslegged on the floor. Slowly and for some unapparent reason his smile faltered and a familiar kind of anxiety set in his heart, like a black hole consuming him inside and out.

A feeling of needing to hide and take shelter had him on his feet, running to their bedroom, panicked. He looked around as if in a daze, barely recognizing his own bedroom, and opted for the closet. The place he always hid in when he felt scared as a child.

His memories started replaying as if he was physically reliving them. The loud voices of his parents, the pained screams of his baby brother as he was being punished for undeserving things. He couldn’t do anything but hide, he had no power, no strength and he couldn’t help his brother. He knew he was next but the guilt of letting them hurt Regulus was far more frightening. What if they kill him? What if they torture him to the point of no return? He couldn’t lose his brother, the closest thing to a friend he had in the entire world.

“It’s okay it’s okay it’s okay” he whispered to himself in the dark and felt the tears run down his cheeks. His breathing quickened and there was nothing he could hold on to, having left foggie in the living room. The sound of glass shattering revisited him, at this point he can’t tell if it is actually happening or if it’s only a memory. He hears the footsteps of his mother as she ran up the stairs to look for him, to punish him.

“You’re okay, regulus is okay, mother won’t hurt you again, she promised.” He talked to himself and although Walburga really had promised, she hurt him again, and again and again. “Don’t cry Sirius, grow up, grow up” he started hitting his head in an attempt to get himself together, but it was only making him cry harder.

“Sirius?!” His mums voice made him jump, holding a hand to his mouth and pressing his body further into the closet. Sirius couldn’t stop crying, he was back there, he couldn’t escape, he had no control.

The closet doors open and Sirius’ first instinct is to flinch and cover his face with his hands.

“Padfoot… it’s me…moony” suddenly his mum wasn’t his mum, it was Remus. A rush of relief went through Sirius’ body causing him to cry harder, shaking through it all. Remus stretched out a hand to comfort him but Sirius flinched again.

“Hey, hey… I’m not gonna hurt you, it’s okay, it’s okay baby” Remus reassured and tried touching him again, which Sirius still didn’t accept. He started scratching at his skin and shaking his head making Remus visibly hold his tears back.

‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He shouted as he would do when his mother would physically drag him out of his hiding place, hoping that if he apologized repeatedly she would show some mercy. “I’m sorry mum please don’t!” He would plead but in the end the torturous spell would still be casted at him, as if it wasn’t the most terrible crime to commit, especially against your own little child.

“Sirius! It’s moony please, please stop” Remus held his arms forcibly, pulling them apart so he would stop scratching himself. Sirius came back to the present, watching Remus as if in slow motion. He hadn’t realized he was pleading out loud, but the familiar taste of the words on his lips was too fresh to just be a memory.

“I’m sorry. Please i won’t do it again I won’t please..”

“Padfoot… you’re safe. I’m not gonna hurt you… oh god…hey Sirius…” Remus tried and tried to get Sirius to pay attention to him but the latter was too immersed in his past.

“I can’t I can’t… kill me already, please, just—“ Sirius whimpered and hugged his knees closer to his body. Remus reaches for rocky laying on the floor and handed it to Sirius, hoping he would respond to that. Sirius saw the puppy and reached for it, holding it close and burying his face into it. The smell grounded him, it was familiar and it felt safe.

“Sirius?” Remus’ tears fell as his boyfriend started scratching at his arm again. Sirius looked up, now directly at Remus, still crying his eyes out and having difficulty breathing. It was like he saw him for the first time again, the relief resurfacing.

“Moony” Sirius cried, coughing as his breath stuck in his throat. “I wan moony”

“I’m right here, come to me darling, come out here” Remus sniffled and reached for Sirius hands to help him out. Sirius immediately crashed his body onto Remus’, climbing his lap and continuing to cry into his shirt. The scent of Remus calmed him down significantly, now silent tears fell down his face.

“You’re safe, I promise no one is gonna hurt you, you’re safe” Remus stroked Sirius’ hair, hoping to give some comfort even when he felt totally useless.

“Moonyy” Sirius whined and clung to Remus’ t-shirt.

“You’re okay, I’m right here. Just moony and padfoot”

“I’m sorry. I’m so bad I’m so bad” Sirius chanted and his body shook in sobs.

“Pads… you’re the best boy, what are you talking about… your my most precious little baby”

“I’m sorry” Sirius put down rocky on the floor and returned to Remus.

“Why? Isn’t Rocky so fluffy?” Remus asked and tries to hand Sirius the plushie again.

“I can’t. I shouldn’t…” Sirius let go of Remus and got up, taking himself to the corner and sitting down, facing the wall.

“Sirius…” Remus’ heart broke, all his usual ways of getting Sirius to calm down were failing. “Should I call James? No.. no he won’t know what to do either…” Remus’ muttered to himself and walked out of the room, only to return a few moments later with foggie.

“Pads, foggie wants to see you…” Remus was hopeful, this must work, it always did. Sirius shrugged and didn’t even look at him. His eyes plastered to the wall, no longer filled with tears but with hopelessness.

“You don’t even want foggie? Baby, please what’s going with you? Will you at least face me?” Remus’ voice shook, feeling useless. He picked up the receiver and dialed James’ number, too scared to deal with it on his own.

“Heyyy moony!! Long time no call” James laughed on the other side, chewing loudly on something. “Moons? What’s going on?” As always he picks up on a bad vibe without words.

“James… can you please come over? Sirius… I think… I don’t know what’s wrong with him”

“What d’ya mean? Is he sick?”

“I don’t know… he is like punishing himself, won’t even pick up foggie” Remus sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve, “can you please come over, I don’t think I can do this on my own.”

“Oh yeah f’sure”

“Thank you, please hurry”

“I’ll be there in two minutes I promise” James said and Remus hung up and then returned to Sirius.

“Hey, Sirius…” he whispered but even that made Sirius flinch. He turned around in his spot and faced Remus, his eyes swollen from all the crying. Suddenly Remus spotted dark drops of blood on Sirius’ arm.

“You’re bleeding…” Remus grabbed Sirius’ arm in panic and examined it. “How—“ Remus didn’t get to finish his question as a blood coated screw fell from Sirius’ hand to the floor. Remus’ heart dropped, did Sirius just do that while he was on the phone?

“No no, please no more….i should die I should die!”

“Hey what’s going on here?! Sirius?” James was suddenly at the bedroom door, after probably getting the floo. He walked closer to Sirius and gasped when he saw the blood. “Remus, get the first aid and I’ll stay with him…come on” James tapped on his best friend’s shoulder who was frozen in place.

“Hey Sirius, I’m gonna need to put a bandaid on your arm… could you please…” James reached for Sirius arm but the latter jumped, tears threatening to fall.

“No! No! Go away!” He yelled and grabbed the screw again, then backing into the corner. James shook his head and forcibly confiscated the screw, afraid of what it could do. Sirius whined loudly at the attempt, scared of being harmed but also needing the relief of the item in his hand. It didn’t take long for Sirius to calm down and back into the corner and away from James, avoiding eye contact and shaking in his spot like an abandoned puppy.

“Okay, listen…” James whispered, “I know you’re scared, I know how much you hate your mind sometimes but I need you to look at me, look, my love” James encouraged and Sirius slowly turned to him, “who do you see, hm?”

“Mother, it was mother. But… now pronsie” Sirius stuttered out in a hoarse voice.

“Very good job… now moony is gonna come join us in a only a few seconds, so don’t be frightened” james reassured and Sirius nodded, “look, there he comes, do you see who that is?”

“It’s moony of course…” Sirius whispered, his eyes stinging.

“Yes! You’re doing so good. Now, moony got you some bandaids for your owie… would you like one? I think there are ones with foggies on…”

“Foggies? …okay” Sirius nodded and stretched out his arm where the blood had smudged around. James reached out for Sirius’ arm and not without a subtle flinch he gently placed his hand under it. Remus looked at James in awe, however not failing to hand him the antiseptic tissues and later the bandaid.

“That’s it… you’re being such a good boy” Remus praised and had finally managed to hold Sirius’ other hand. “It’s almost done baby…”

“And Viola! All done! You were so good I think you deserve a sticker!” James beamed at Sirius who raised his eyebrows curiously. James dug through the first aid kit and pulled out the few sheets of stickers that Remus kept there at all times. Sirius analyzed the different shapes and looked at Remus.

“Go ahead, choose one, or however many you want” Remus smiled at him and was finally able to secure an arm around Sirius, comforting him through the emotional pain. Sirius pointed at a heart shaped one and then at a star shaped one. James picked them out and placed them on Sirius hand. Sirius proceeded to point at multiple stickers and was covered in them by the time james had used up the entire sheet.

“That’s a lot of stickers” Remus said, laughing, he was just happy to see Sirius was smiling. “How are you feeling, darling?”

“Okay… foggie” Sirius spoke and Remus sighed in relief as James reached for the plushie on the floor and handed it to Sirius.

“Hey, Sirius...” James started but Sirius flinched at the mention of his own name, tightening his grip on Remus. “Could you tell us what exactly happened?”

Sirius gulped, his eyes filling with tears again as he shook his head. “No. No. Don’t wanna!” His voice broke out in a whine.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to…” James reassured and sirius sniffled, wiping his nose on foggie.

“It’s okay” Remus added, “would you like some warm milk?” He asked and sirius nodded.

“How about we make a super cozy blankie fort while moony gets your baba?” James asked, smiling, “I can hold your hand the entire time if you’d like”

“Yeah I wanna” Sirius nodded but as Remus got up he whined and wouldn’t let go until James stretched out his hand. Sirius took it and slowly let go of Remus who was careful not to pull away.

“I’ll be right back” Remus said and kissed the top of Sirius’ head, then left to the kitchen.

“Let’s go to the living room, alright?” James proposed and Sirius nodded again, intently watching something on the floor next to James. The screw. “Don’t think about that rubbish, let’s go sweetheart, come on” Sirius looked away and they slowly left to the living room, his head hanging and foggie in a loose hold at his side.

“Should we have fairy lights? And a big comfy mattress? With lots of blankies? And plushies?” James asked excitedly hoping to make Sirius just as excited. Sirius looked at him with barely any emotion on his face.

“I want moony”

“Of course moonys gonna be with us, he is just getting your baba, remember?” James reassured and pulled out his wand to quickly put together a magical fort that might look tiny on the outside but was just as spacious and cozy as they wanted it. “Let’s go inside and take a look!”

“I want moony!” Sirius shouted and his lip quivered as he looked around for Remus.

“Hey pads… it’s okay, don’t cry, I’m here now.” Remus rushed to Sirius side and held him close as the smaller cried into his shoulder. “I got your baba baby, how about we go inside and I’ll feed it to you while James tells you bedtime stories?”

“Scared” Sirius mumbled and lift his head up to wipe his tears.

“Why?”

“What if… she is in there” Sirius cried and Remus heart ached, wishing he could delete all those memories for Sirius.

“No she is not, why don’t we watch as James goes in and sees for himself?” Remus suggested and Sirius nodded, gripping Remus’ shirt in a fist. Remus and Sirius watched as James stepped inside, sirius shaking in worry.

“There are only your plushies here pads, come in hurryy” James shouted from inside the fort and Sirius visibly relaxed and looked at Remus who took a step closer. Sirius carefully pulled the sheets open and was instantly mesmerized. The sheets hung safely above them, fairy lights shaped as stars and moons hung from one end to the other. Three pillows were neatly placed next to each other on a mattress, a big blanket and a smaller one just on top of it. A book sat open right by the stack of Sirius’ plushies.

Sirius gasped and let go of Remus’ hand, suddenly overjoyed with all the pretty lights and plushies. “Thank you pronsie!!” Sirius shouted and for a moment he was back to his usual little self. However, it didn’t last for long, eventually Sirius got used to the cozy place and just wanted to be cuddled close.

“Want me to read you a story?” James asked, laying next to Sirius who held two of his plushies close. He nodded and James smiled, as if he was finally able to help out.

“Come here baby, Moony will hold you while you drink your baba” Remus said and opened his arms, laying down next to Sirius.

Sirius whined as he realized how much he wanted the warm liquid in his hands. The second he got the chance he gently yanked at the baby bottle and placed it in his mouth.

“Ready?” James cleared his throat. He looked at Sirius who widened his eyes, wondering how he could respond when he was so busy drinking. “Ready. Good.” James laughed and started telling a story about three little frogs.

A few minutes later and Remus heard Sirius whine again, he looked over and saw James fast asleep in the middle of his story. Remus shook his head and resisted smacking him on the forehead, (although he was very grateful) he could’ve finished his story at least.

“Oh is prongsie sleeping? He must have been tired right?” Remus tried distracting Sirius from the story and thankfully it worked. Sirius nodded and his lips jutted out in a pout.

“Poor pronsie, blankie” Sirius gently caressed James’ cheek and then lifted the blanket to cover him.

“Good job, baby now pronsie won’t freeze, you’re such a good babie” Remus praised and brought Sirius closer to his body and sighed.

“Moony… thank you” Sirius said, sounding awfully adult. Remus bent down to look at him. “I’m sorry for everything.”

“No no my love, it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize, we just want you safe and happy.” Remus reassured and fished for Sirius’ pacifier in his pocket. “I know you might not be feeling as small anymore but would you still like your paci? I can hold you and sing you to sleep”

“yeah, it will make me babie again” Sirius smiled although it didn’t reach his ears. He accepted the pacifier and instantly felt like his little self again.

“You’re so cute… I love you…you’re safe…” remus said before starting to hum a lullaby, Sirius’ favorite. Soon sirius, much like James, was snoring, his pacifier halfway out of his mouth.